A story of Huey and Jazzy
by Bulmas Ego
Summary: Just my version of how they possibly figured out their feelings for each other.
1. Hanging out and hamburgers

We were on the bus. It seems like she always needs me to do these kinds of things. Go to the mall after five pm. Go the library, but that's usually and all-day thing. I think the library is more of a thing for me though and she knows it. Either way, here we are. On the bus, going to the grocery store because Jazmine wants to make hamburgers. Meat-filled hamburgers.

Her parents aren't home again. They seem to leave her alone a lot. Not that it's any of my business, but it's hard to not see her disappointed look when she's explaining that again they left for a vacation to spend time with each other. It seems like spending time with each other really is more about trying to fix a marriage that hasn't been working for years rather than going on vacation. But again, not my business.

So, when she called and asked if I would go to the grocery store with her, I didn't really think about it. Hell, I didn't even let her finish the sentence. I just said yes. Because really, I look forward to those calls and texts. Still using her mother's phone to text. I look forward to her overly cheerful voice, hiding the sadness that permeates her being that no one seems to see but me, asking me to do anything with her.

Then there are those few moments that I was reading or searching online to finish a paper when she called and asked if I could hang out with her, when I didn't respond right away because my complete attention wasn't on her. Those few moments where I could hear her loneliness coming through the phone and almost hurting me. Those few seconds in which she waited for a response and I took too long, and she almost hung up, embarrassed that she might have crossed the line. That maybe this time I would tell her to find another best friend.

"You know what it's ok. I'm fine. I can go to the park myself. I'm going to be an adult at some point and my parents already treat me like one leaving me alone so much and I should be doing things by myself by now" she said when we were thirteen.

"Jazmine, shut up" I told her. "I was just focusing on my research on communism during the first world war. My paper's due tomorrow and you know it. Just give me fifteen minutes to finish this up and I'll walk over to your house so we can go to the park" I berated her. I could almost hear her breathe a sigh of relief that time. Like walking two blocks down to the park with me meant so much to her.

"Ok Huey. My parents are gone again and this time they'll be gone for a week so I've been antsy and just need to go for a walk to…". I knew she was going to keep going and cut her off, "Jazmine I said to give me fifteen minutes to finish and then you can tell me about it ok. I just need to finish and then you can have my undivided attention". She was quiet for a few seconds. Crap, I hurt her feelings again. I used to do that a lot when we first met. But back then, I feel it was intentional, a way to make her grow up. Now, I just feel weak and pathetic when I do it to her. What do I do now that I hurt her feelings? I'm not good at this kind of stuff. Do I say I'm sorry? No. Not like me and people only say that when they really don't mean it. Do I go to her? She's right across the street. No. That's just too much. What do I do?

And then there it was. Her laughter. That laugh that made me stop breathing for a second too long. "Ok Huey, I'll see you in fifteen" and hung up.

That was one year ago and since then we both finished eighth grade and have been hanging out with each other now that it's summer more than with anybody else. Not that anyone needs to know or should even care, but Jazmine is the only person I feel I can be around and know she doesn't expect anything from me. She doesn't expect me to be grand or amazing. She doesn't expect me to explore the inner workings of the world for their entertainment. She just, wants me to be there.

So, when she calls and I hear her sigh before she even gets a word out, I say ok. She stopped being surprised some time ago. We even have a routine. She calls, I pick up, she's quiet for a few seconds, I say, "where to" and she smiles. I know she smiles. Then she tells me where she wants to escape to today, I put down my book, put on my shoes, and walk over to her front door. Grandad and Riley stopped asking me where I was going some time ago to. They just know.

Today, she just had to have hamburgers. God, if there is one, why must meat eaters exist? I don't mind knowing they're there as long as they don't force me to smell grilled ground beef or any other kind of meat.

She's quiet today. Normally she's quiet when her parents get in an argument but she told me they left a week ago to the Bahamas. So that can't be it. "Why are you quiet?" I ask. She looks up and stares at me. "What?" she says like she's in a daze. "Jazmine, what's wrong?" I ask tiredly. "You're being quiet and that must mean something's up." She looks away and I realize I had stopped breathing. Why do her eyes do that to me? "It's just that in a few weeks we're starting high school and I just want things to settle down". She not knowingly uses that soft voice when she thinks she's whining. "It's just my parents are still arguing a lot and the trips aren't helping. Even going to family therapy didn't help but we tried that and all that came out of it was me knowing it's not my fault and they have to figure things out and keep me out of their arguments". She's still looking away. What color is that green anyways? Emerald or dark jade? I stop myself before I go deeper into that rabbit hole. Being on public transit is not a good time to daze off.

I hear the doors open and see two men. My instincts kick in. Two men at this time, pass the normal time to get off of work, using public transit, dressed in office attire and asking the driver where the next stop is. I don't trust them. I can see Ruckus judging and sneering at their dark complexion. Jazmine ask what they're saying since she can't hear because of how low they're speaking. She's one of the few people that knows I can lip read. I tell her they're asking how to get to downtown the fastest way possible. Ruckus told them he'll take them there, but they have to sit in the back of the bus or he'll kick them off. My anger flares. When will Ruckus stop doing this to our brothers, which ever shade of color we are? I can feel the pressure of his judgement on those two.

I feel a small hand squeeze my left hand and I look down to see Jazmine's reassuring warmth touching my hard, cold hand. Her small fingers slide between my fingers and she tells me to calm down. And I do. This is just what we do. We're best friends.

I look up to see the two men walking towards us. They sit two rows in front of us, on the other side of the bus. The one closest to the isle looks back at us, then whispers to his companion if he should ask. "Ask us what? I don't like being talked about by strangers" I say. They both look at me like a young black man speaking up is too surprising for anyone to fathom, even to other black men. "I'm sorry man, I just didn't know if you could help us out" he says in his Brooklyn accent. I look over at the other guy and can see him eyeing Jazmine. I feel her squeeze my hand again and look at her and she gives me that smile. She mouths "don't Huey" and looks over at the men and she answers for us "sure mister, what we can we help you with". Always so proper. Tom and Sarah did some good for her.

The one that asked us looks over at her and says "were looking for the downtown shelter and can't seem to find the fastest way to get there". I look and can feel my eyebrow raise. "And exactly why do you need that information since you both don't look like you need assistance from that place" I respond.

I know who runs that facility. Sweet old man Mr. Willis. He's been running the shelter for years and lets Jazmine and I help organize the food pantry when we have time. Jazmine says he gives her the same grandfather-like feeling grandad gives her and for that I will help out Mr. Willis whenever I can. That and I'll derail any men that are trying to shut down the shelter, including these two, one that seems to be irritating me the more he stares at Jazmine.

"We're trying to meet a Mr. James Willis to discuss donations our legal offices want to give to the shelter" he says and smiles at me. "Here let me give you my" but is cut off by his friend who I noticed had taken his wallet out during the conversation and pulled out a white card. He says "here's my card so you can see we're speaking the truth" getting up and ignoring me and his friend completely and handing it to Jazmine.

"I don't think I asked you for your information, but my best friend did so I suggest you address it to him" she says, closing her eyes to keep from getting a headache. She told me once that idiotism and unwarranted flirtation give her headaches. The man looks at her like she's the first woman, mind you a 14-year-old girl, to not accept his advances.

That's my Jazmine. I can feel my hallmark smirk coming on and look at the one that actually acknowledged me and respond "we don't need to know who you are and will not help you but we can tell you that the office is open weekdays until five pm. It's too late now to see Mr. Willis so I suggest that you go see him on Monday".

The man that was looking at me blinks a few times and then smiles and if possible, looks even more tired. "I'm sorry if my friend here offended your friend". I interrupt saying "my 14-year-old friend and I, yes he was bothering her". He looks at his friend and his friend looks out the window embarrassed. "Look man, we can see you both care deeply about Mr. Willis, if not you wouldn't be so protective of him so just tell him that we'll be going to see him next week on Monday, in the morning. He's a good man for everything he does for his community and we just want to help out financially if we can." He looks at his friend "common Max, it's time we get back to the office to report our attempt to locate Mr. Willis." They pulled the string to get off, and got off on the next exit. I was glad I didn't give them any more information than that. They never even looked to see what stop they were getting off on. Didn't trust them one bit.

As soon as they're off I look to my left to see how she's doing. Jazmine. She's looking right at me. I think they're forest green in the evening. "I think we did the right thing and we'll just let Mr. Willis know tomorrow. I didn't feel right about those two men" she says. "I didn't either" I respond.

Then she does the unspeakable, she leans her face into my chest. The top of her soft blond afro tickling my chin. "Thank you for being my best friend Huey". I stop breathing. Is that how it will feel when I leave Woodcrest and go off to college to study history and law? When I can finally start being heard on campus and start lobbying for better treatment of inmates and a law system that doesn't judge on the basis your skin color or the funds in your account but on the basis of the crime? Is this what accomplishment and happiness feels like?

"This is your stop mulatto!" I hear Ruckus yell from the front of the bus. We both jump and get up just as fast from our seats. "I hate when he calls me that" I hear her say as we're walking to the front of the bus. I stop suddenly at the front and can hear, more than feel, Jazmine walk into my back. "Ruckus, if you ever call her that again, I promise a repeat of the theater incident" I say as I deadlock on his good eye. "Why you little" he starts saying and I see his eyes bulging. And before anyone moves, there's the soft voice behind me that says "Ruckus you ever call me that again and I will tell my father that you are emotionally abusive and you'll need to go to counselling for the rest of your life. Also, anything you say from here on I will make sure to remember". That's what my best friend says over my shoulder.

I can see the veins popping out and sweat coming off of Ruckus's forehead and can see his hands shaking, holding on to the steering wheel of the bus with all the might the hateful man still has left. But before I can continue explaining exactly what will happen if he continues calling Jazmine anything she doesn't like, I feel the warm hand grab onto my left hand and pull me out of the bus onto the sidewalk in front of EDW Groceries. I feel the cold air hit my skin and then hear the bus burn tire as it takes off on its miserable way.

I feel the warmth leave my hand and look up to see Jazmine standing in front of me. "That was awkward from start to finish, but thank you for standing up for me Huey" she says. Her hair is a little wavy isn't it? It used to be a beautiful golden afro, and now with it getting longer, it became straighter, but still that same fullness of the afro. Goes perfectly with her personality. "Huey what are you looking at?" she says. I blink. "Nothing, let's just go get your hamburger meat you meat eater" I respond as I'm walking away from the sidewalk into the grocery store parking lot.

"Actually, Huey, I want to try veggie hamburger meat tonight". I stop in my tracks and look back. "What? Why?" I say. "Because you haven't had dinner and since my parents aren't home I know I'll be eating alone so I thought that maybe you could stay for dinner and I know you don't eat meat so I found this recipe for veggie burgers and we could watch movies and hang out if you want to that is" she says in five seconds, too fast for a person with normal hearing to catch all of it. "Ok" I say. "Ok? Really?" she says and I can see her forest green eyes light up.

"Yes Jazzy, let's go because I'm hungry and you don't cook half bad" I say as I'm dragging her into the store and ignore the very strong thump my heart does when I call her by her nickname. I look back as she follows me, holding her hand going to the vegetarian section I know like the back of my hand and see her blushing. So, I let go of her hand. Am I blushing? I feel hot.

"There's the veggie section!" Jazmine says and runs off to the section in the corner of the store. I can't help but smile watching her dash off. My best friend makes me smile sometimes.


	2. Cindy and some Riley

I don't know why I want to cook for him. I know I'm going to mess it up somehow. I just want to spend more time with him, no matter what it is we're doing. I also really like talking to him. The way he listens and doesn't make me feel like my thoughts are immature and unimportant. He makes me feel like it's possible for me to make a difference in this world. Like my actions might actually make a difference one day. But for now, I need to cook this veggie burger for him and try to not get him sick.

So which one do I pick? Amy's veggie burgers sound good. They look organic, but are all veggie foods organic? I don't know. Point it, it's veggie, and organic, so healthy. I'll look up other kinds of veggie foods later. I wonder if he knows this brand.

"Jazmine". I wonder if he even likes hamburgers. I mean are they even hamburgers if they're veggie? "Jazmine". Should I add anything to them, like sweet mayo instead of regular mayo? God he's cute sometimes. I mean really cute. Like when he reads and scrunches his nose trying to remember other information that agrees with or argues whatever he's reading. "He really is cute". "Jazmine! Who's cute and why are you talking to yourself?!"

Darn it. I look up to my right and see my best friend looking at me like I grew a second head. How much did he hear? "Oh, nothing Huey! Just thinking about a movie we're going to watch tonight, that's all!" I say that way too fast, not thinking about how dumb that sounds.

"Ok, whatever you say, just hurry up. It's getting late and we need to head back to your house." He says and then turns around, going back to the vegetable section. I breathe. God. I really have to stop talking out loud, specially around him. I end up saying things I'm thinking about and it's usually embarrassing.

I turn around with my veggie burger meat in hand, walking back to the section he's in. He's getting red vine tomatoes. Of course, he would. They are the healthier ones. "What did you say?" he says while looking at me, surprised. "I said those are the better ones because they're usually grown naturally, without the extra chemicals to make them grow faster". I look at his wine-colored eyes and start to imagine what I must look like to him. "You're more into this cooking thing than I thought" he says. Then he turns around and starts heading to the check-out. I run after him, "yeah well I do read stuff online Huey since I do have a computer myself". "I didn't mean that Jazmine, I just didn't think you would care this much about what kind of tomatoes to use" he says.

Should I feel offended that he thinks I wouldn't look into what kind of ingredients I'm using? Maybe I'm still his annoying neighbor that's not mature enough to be considered his best friend. Maybe my dad's right about not letting me out of the house more than he does, when he's around that is. Maybe I just need to be homeschooled like…

"Jazmine!" I look up to see those eyes staring at me. "Look, don't look into what I said too much. I'm glad you're taking an interest in these things. Anything. As long as you're not focused on other issues."

I look down. I know he's talking about my parents. Well, my dad that is. My mom is the best. My dad's been…

"Jazmine, I said to stop that". I look up and start to think I might cry. "I'm sorry Huey. I am trying to focus on other things, hobbies, anything, but I can't help to think about them sometimes and how I can…". "Stop it Jazmine. You can't help them. Help you. Help you stay here. Stay here with me" he says.

I look up and blink. Once. Twice. "What do you mean with you?" Are they red or purple, like the sunset just when it's deepening into the dark night?

"Jazzy!" That voice. My one and only sister. I look back and see Cindy running to us at full speed and before I know I'm on the floor, on top Huey, and Cindy hugging me so tight I can't breathe.

"Cin, you know she can't breathe right?" I hear Riley speak from somewhere over us. Cindy finally let's go, and I look up. Cindy's up and grabbing my hand. She pulls me up and I look back down to see that Huey had gone from being next to me to being behind me and probably maneuvered himself to land under me, so he would take the brunt of the fall. My bestie.

"Hey! Love. I haven't seen you for eva and you didn't call me after you went home!" Cindy looks angry but I can see her disappointed look. "I'm sorry Cin, I got a little distracted and forgot to text or call after I left last week."

"You'll saw each other last week and text every few days. Calm down!" Riley intersects our conversation. "Shut up Riley. They want to talk twenty-four hours a day, let them" that calming voice of Huey's says.

"All I'm saying is that you two see each other once a week" Riley says annoyed. "Riley! She's ma sister. At least closest thing to it, so can it!" Cindy tells Riley. I wonder if she sees how he looks at her when she's not looking. Or how her eyes shimmer a little when she's looking at him. They are best friends.

"Fine! Let's go, I wanna hit the courts befo it's later and they turn the lights off in the park". I see Riley walking away. "Girl, I'll call you, but don't not text me after leaving ma house ever again!" Cindy's blue eyes plead with me. "I'm sorry Cin, yes and I'll call you tomorrow ok?" "Ok, I love you. Gotts to go, before that boy leaves me too far behind."

And then the blond and mini-size Huey with braids is gone. "You ready to go?" he says. "Yes, lets head home." I pay for the groceries and we take the 7:15 bus back to the bottom of the hill. We get off and he takes the bags away from me. "Hey! I can carry those!". "I didn't say you couldn't but it's getting cold and your hands get colder faster than anyone I know, so put your hands in your pockets and I'll carry these." He's already walking a few feet away from me and I see him heading to my house. I catch up to him and stay quiet the rest of the way. I know he likes the silence at this time.

We get to my house and I walk to my front door, unlock it, walk in first, take off my boots and hang my coat. He walks in after me and I grab the bags from him and go off to the kitchen to start working on dinner.

Throughout the night we listen to my Sagun playlist on pandora and he reads some of my father's law books. Fourteen and reading law books. I love that mind of his. We eat my attempt at veggie hamburgers with veggie French fries my mom bought a few weeks ago, saying something about knowing that I'll want to start cooking veggie dishes soon. I don't get where she gets these ideas sometimes, but I'm grateful for them.

After dinner, we wash up, and sit in front of the TV in the living room. I wanted to see this Disney movie "Dangal" that I read about. He'll watch anything with me, as long as it's 'educational because I refuse to watch crap that's meant to imprison our minds like white America wants to do' he's told me before. I know we started off on the sofa, me holding on to the pink pillow my mother refuses to throw away because grandma made it, no matter how much dad thinks it's old and needs to be thrown out. Huey was on the other side of the couch. By the end of the movie I was crying so much I had to keep blinking to get rid of the tears to watch the credits. "Jazmine". God it was so sad, but powerful to see those girls and what they went through. "Jazmine". I wonder if I could go through that. I know my mom would support anything I want to do, but I don't know about my dad. "Jazmine, are you crying?" I look away and sniffle. "Only a little" I say. "Well it was a good movie" I hear him say. I look to my right and I'm looking right at him. When did I get this close to him? My best friend. I lay my forehead on his shoulder. "I like how you smell" I say. "What?" he questions. "I like how you smell Huey" I repeat. "I like how you smell to, I guess" he responds. I smile. Is he blushing? I like when I make him nervous.

"I should head out" I hear him say. "Ok" I hear myself say sadly. "Why don't you call Cindy so she can come sleep over and you won't be alone" he says. I was already thinking about that actually and I tell him. "Do you want me to stay until she comes over?" "No I'm good, just head home. I'll call Cindy right now and her mom will drop her off." "She's probably at my house playing one of those GTA games with Riley". "You're right, let's just go over there and I'll ask her to come to my house" I tell him. Before he can respond I'm opening the door, putting on my shoes.

I hear him walking up next to me. I can feel his warmth keeping me safe as we walk over to his house. He was right, Cindy was at their house playing some basketball game with Riley. She told me they went from the courts to his house and had been playing there for about an hour.

"You know, you and the Freeman house are the only people I feel ok with sometimes". "What do you mean 'ok with' Cin?" I respond. We were laying in my bed, under my flower designed covers, listening to what seems like my never changing pandora channel. "Well, you and that house accept me for who I am. I'm a girl, a down girl, that likes to hang out with Riley and play basketball and sometimes steal stuff but only if it means helping out ma best friend, and it's only for fun. You don't care about me being white or not black or anything else. They don't care either. Even Huey, with his boring personality is cool with me" she says.

"Cin. Cindy. My Cindy. Ever since we all got to know each other we've been best friends. And you know those two boys need us just as much as we need them. They're off a little, Riley with his gangster personality but just as intelligent as his older brother, and Huey with his amazing and warm brain" I smile into the darkness. "Wait! Did you just say McHater has a 'warm brain'?" she says while laughing. "Yes! And don't tell him. He's gonna think I'm weird, if not weirder!"

She's still laughing. That's what we did all night. My sister and I. We laughed. I love it when my dad's not around, but I miss mom. Cindy agreed.


	3. And then there was high school

First day of high school. Why? I'm sure I know about history and the errors about the way public schools teach it more than any teachers this school has to offer. Why? I also know the basics of chemistry and biology, enough to start off in basic college classes. Why? I also know that math is the saving grace for most kids, whereas for me I understand the function of it, which is to explain the science of life. So why? Why am I here in this public institution trying to 'function' like a normal kid? Oh yes, "you are not getting homeschooled! You got any idea how much that costs?! Crazy ass revolutionary…." Grandad said as he walked up the stairs.

"Huey!" and I hear the only other reason I haven't opted to emancipate myself and start community college now. "Jazmine" I say as I turn around in the busy hallway to see her bounce higher than any normal teenage girl with growing body parts should be bouncing in public to hug me.

"Jazmine, you just saw me on Friday! Why are you so…" and as she slips down from my shoulders I see that she's wearing her hair down, held by two hair clips, one on each side, wearing what I think is light make up, and the jade earrings her mother bought her a few weeks ago. That's the color of her eyes in the morning, jade.

"Huey…" she's talking, I know that. She's saying she was almost late because of her father not wanting to bring her to school this morning. But I'm looking down at what she's wearing. A black cotton-like dress with a white collar. The dress hugs her body a little too much. Then she tops it off with green low top converse that match her earrings and of course, her eyes.

"Huey!" she says louder this time. "Yes Jazmine, I'm listening, but luckily your mother brought you and you weren't late. Is that all that happened this morning?" I look at her and her eyes shimmer as she says "Yes, but now answer why you were looking at me weird right now. Is my outfit not cute? I thought you would think it was at least nice. I mean I got it thinking about how much you liked the Addam's Family…." she says worriedly. "Jazmine, yes you look nice but it's just, you know, a little tight" I say, looking away, not wanting her to see exactly where I think it's too tight.

"Really? I thought it was just right but I guess maybe I could've gotten a bigger size" I hear her say but before I can respond I hear a male voice. "No sweetheart, that dress looks exceptional on you". I look at the boy that's standing too close to Jazmine and she straightens out and gets closer to me. I deadlock on his eyes "if you walk away right now you won't be hurt, but I promise say one more thing and you'll regret showing up to school today" I say to the newcomer.

"Look man, I was just saying that your friend looks good and I wanted to invite her to a party I'm having to celebrate the start of the new year" he smiles at Jazmine and I'm sure I can punch him in the face fast enough that no one in the hallway would know who did it until he was crying on the floor.

"My answer is no. I don't like parties. I don't know who you are nor do I care. It was extremely rude of you to just interrupt us. Thank you for the invite, but you can leave now" she says in the voice I told her to use when she knows she's in danger and needs to sound older than she is.

"Wow, you are cute Jazmine Dubois. I know everyone that attends this school and I can tell you being in my good graces will help you immensely when it comes to being popular" and I can hear the intrigue in his voice. Then he crosses the line, by going to touch some stray hair of hers. She pulls back. "What's wrong with you! You do not touch a girl unless she's okay with it first!" she yells at him.

"Jazmine, behind now" and she steps behind me. "Ok, but don't hurt him too much" she whispers behind me.

"You don't talk to her, look at her, or touch her ever again" I say low enough for only the three of us to hear. "Or what" he says and smiles. I can already feel my fist ready, know that Jazmine is directly behind me and I won't hurt her if I move my elbow back. So, I strike. Directly into his stomach. I can see his eyes bulge and see the moment his mind catches up and he knows what he's feeling is pain.

"What the hell man!" he screams as he crunches down into a fetal position on the ground. Everyone in the hallway turns around to look. I can feel Jazmine trying to look over my shoulder to see what happened. "I was just trying to invite her to a party! What's your problem?!" he says. I can see the tears forming.

"I told you I didn't want to go and you insisted on bothering me! Then you touch me without my consent! That's why he punched you! Now leave us alone!" I hear Jazmine say, feel her warm hand grab my left one and pull. She tugs and I go with her. What is with her warm hand having this power over me?

"What a total jerk! I mean to just interrupt us just to flirt with me, invite to some dumb party, and then touched my hair like he knew me!" she says as she pulls me. "Jazmine" I say. "I mean we were talking about my dress and how you don't like it and he just had to walk in on that" she keeps going. "Jazmine" I say again. "I mean I just wanted your opinion on my dress and maybe if I would've showed it to you last night I wouldn't have worn it and…". "Jazmine you look really good in that!" I say louder and stop her. "What?" she says and looks at me with those shimmering eyes. "I said you look good ok. Now we need to make it to homeroom before we're late" I say and start pulling her down the same hallway we were heading before I stopped her.

"Thank you Huey" I hear her say. "For what?" I glance back and see that she's looking down, blushing, with her shinny hello kitty backpack bouncing as she's keeping up with me. "For saying I look good" she says and smiles at the ground. "Oh, sure" I say and look ahead again. Why is it hot again? We're in September so the air conditioning must not be working from being overly used during the summer. Yeah. That's it.

We get to class 101 in the blue bungalows and walk in. "I understand you're all excited about being in high school but must I remind you that public affection is to be left outside of the classroom?" the woman with too much make up and cleavage for a high school teacher standing at the front of the classroom says. I look back and see that I'm still holding Jazmine's hand. I let go and already regret the lack of contact. "Please sit both of you so we can start with introductions" she says and the entire class groans in unison. "Shut up! All of you! And you two can sit in the two empty seats in the back" she says. We both walk to the back of the class and I see guys staring at Jazmine and wonder why I didn't bring my katana today.

The rest of homeroom and the next two periods are thankfully uneventful. Lunch is a different story always because the government uses it to try to kill youth by making the only available food poisonous to the body. "Huey it's not that bad" Jazmine says as we wait in line. "Jazmine, yes it is. It's poisonous to the body because none of the food can be made into energy substantial for a full day of activity, instead by fifth period we'll be tired and ready to go home because of the sugar high we'll be getting from the food we're eating right now" I say without looking at her.

"Jazzy!" I hear Jazmine's 'sister' say. "Did you hear that some kid punched the school's pretty boy so hard he was crying like a pussy during homeroom and they let him go home" Cindy continues, panting from running up to us in line. "What you all looking at assholes!" she yells at the people glaring from behind us in line. "Yep Cindy we heard" Jazmine says and looks at me. Cindy looks from Jazmine to me and back to Jazmine, then back to me. "Oh god, it was McHater that did it wasn't it?!" she almost screams. Everyone in the school cafeteria looks at us like their suspicions were just confirmed. I glare at them. All of them. They turn around and continue talking about whatever unimportant high school drama they were talking about.

"Yes Cindy but he deserved it…" she starts. "Jazzy you don't need to explain it to me! If McHater did it and you were there it probably had to do with protecting you and for that I am grateful and I would have joined in in the ass whooping" Cindy says while folding and unfolding her hands into a fist. "Yes, he was being my bestie as usual" Jazmine responds, and I feel like rolling my eyes so I turn around to continue looking at the very small vegetarian options the school offers. I can hear Jazmine and Cindy talking behind me.

I hear Jazmine giggle. Yes, for you I will punch anyone I need to so long as you're safe.

SOME TIME LATER.

I wonder where he's at. He was supposed to meet me here at my locker right after school. I knew today was going to be weird, what with my parents not talking at all, Cindy being quiet, and now Huey not showing up to my locker on time.

I can feel myself slip down a bit leaning on my locker. I wonder how many holes are in that ceiling. I wonder why girls stare at him so much and even more, why he doesn't notice! I mean he's a guy. A really cute, strong, masculine…ok Jazmine stop thinking about your bestie like that. But really. He's not dense, but when it comes to girls I just don't know. Does he really not see how they basically drool when he passes by? I mean do they even know that he doesn't like when people stare at him like he's some kind of meat. I mean he hates meat. I giggle and push myself off the wall.

I mean I should be thinking about college, and not whether my bestie is going to ever notice how hot he is. Wait. I didn't say that. I didn't even think that. Nope. Not happening. I refuse to think about him in such a misogynistic way because I know he would never think of me in that way. Then I stop. But, why? I mean am I not pretty? Am I at least remotely cute? Does he think of me as even a girl? I mean we've known each other for what, almost five years. That's like half a decade! What if he only ever sees me as his annoying immature neighbor. What if, what if, I will always be just Jazzy to him? Don't cry Jazmine. Don't, cry! When did I get in the middle of the hallway and how long have I been walking around in circles?

Then I feel it. This cold snake-like feeling around my stomach. That feeling pulls me back, hard. I almost cough with the force of it. I look down and see a light brown colored arm and smell the very strong scent of cologne. I can feel my anxiety rising. "Let go!" I scream. "Oh no Jazmine Dubois, I've been watching you and I know you're little boy toy meets you after school every day but finally he's not here for once and I have you all to myself" the voice of that same guy that Huey and I ran into the first day of school months ago whispers into my neck. "Mark right? Look, I'm not interested. I told you on the first day of school and I'm telling you now. So let me go! I swear my parents are attorneys and you'll be locked up for sexual harassment" I can hear my voice getting louder and higher pitched as I keep talking. I'm getting nervous and scared. Calm down Jazmine. Huey's always said to calm down during bad situations.

"So brave just because mommy and daddy are both lawyers" he says and I almost gag at how much cologne he's wearing. I suck my stomach in so his arm won't be touching me anymore. "What little Jazmine, you don't like me being this close? What, only that afro asshole can touch you" he almost screams into my ear as he's squeezing me. "Let me go you asshole!" I scream into the empty hallways. It's only an hour after school, where is everyone? I'm starting to panic. Calm down Jazmine. Get out of this and go find Huey. What did he teach me when in this position? Oh yes! I fling my head back, hurt my head on something hard, hear a scream, look down, stomp as hard as I can on his right foot, and he finally lets go. I drop whatever it is I was carrying and start taking off. Two steps out, then I feel the cold around my arm and it pulls me back hard again.

"What the hell was that for?! Now I just wanted a kiss!" he says as he pushes me back into the lockers. He grips both by upper arms. God, that hurt. "A what?!" I scream back and with some satisfaction I can see blood dripping from the side of his mouth. "What? You only kiss that asshole? How bout us guys that have been watching you from the sideline, just waiting for you to show up to a party or be alone without your boy toy or that blond bitch with a dirty mouth" he seethes through gritted teeth.

"Let me guess? You tried hitting on my sister and she told you to go to hell right?" I ask and I'm sure my smirk would make Huey proud. Huey. Where are you? "Yeah, that bitch said I wasn't worth your or her time! Do you know who I am?! I am the best thing that happened to this school! All the girls want me and all the guys want to be me!" he says. I can see more blood coming out. I smile. He gets angrier. "Why you smiling?! You finally going to give me that kiss you know you want to give me" he says. "God no, I'm smiling because the blood stained all your pretty white teeth" I say and this time I can feel my smile.

"Well I guess you won't mind if I reciprocate the favor by popping that cherry that all these guys be wanting" he says and I freeze. He's going to do what?! I feel my eyes become the size of saucers. "But first foreplay. Let's start with that kiss" he says and I can feel his breath on my face. I close my eyes and think 'ok when he's too busy to see I'll kick him right in the balls and run for it'.

Then I feel the grip on my shoulders loosen and release. I feel a swoosh and hear something landing hard on the floor to my left. I hear groans. I open one eye, two eyes, and see Huey standing in front of me, exactly where Mark was standing before. "Huey…" I breathe. He looks, mad. Really mad.

"You did good Jazmine, now stand behind me" I hear him say as he's looking at the boy that's crumpled up in a mess on the floor. "Can I still kick him in the balls?" I say. He smirks that wonderful way he does. "Jazmine, just get behind me and I'll take it from here" he says. I do and feel myself breathe again.

"Oh you're gonna pay for that dick" Mark says with hatred coming off of him. "All these bitches think you're so amazing but really you're just another nobody that no one's gonna remember no matter how many speeches you give!" he yells at Huey.

"Does it look like I care? The only opinion that matters to me is from the person that you were about to hurt so you better believe that I'm about to show you how much of a nothing you are". What? Save that thought for later Jazmine.

I can see those two squaring off. I see my mom's phone that fell out of my backpack a few feet away from me. I run to it, making sure to remain behind Huey. I can see that Mark is thinking if he really wants to attack Huey and Huey is watching his moves.

"Yes ma'am, I'm at the high school and this boy attacked me and now he's attacking my friend! Yes please send someone!" I hang up with the operator. "Did you call 911?" Huey ask. "Yes" I reply.

I see Mark's eyes going back and forth from both of us. He looks scared. "Shit" he says and takes off in the opposite direction. I see Huey move two steps towards the same direction and then stop. "Why aren't you going after him?" I ask. "I'm not leaving you alone again" he says. He turns around and I can see guilt on his face. He's looking at me but he's so sad. Devastated.

I don't know what to say. I can feel myself shaking. I take one step closer to him. He takes one step closer to me. I put my head down on his chest and I can feel my tears sliding down my face. "I was scared" I whisper. And then, he hugs me. And I feel so safe.


	4. Hospitals and fears

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Since I started this story I haven't really said much about it. I just started writing it. I think one thing I want to do before I continue is thank the people that helped me have the balls…ahem..courage to write a story at all. Joice. Thank you. You know how close we are now and I can't imagine my boondocks world without you. I hope one day to grow into having your sense of humor (everybody read Rich School Ain't Pretty). QueenIsrael12573, your Huey makes me envious to not be Jazmine. I hope I can put passion into words the way you do one day (everyone read What's Meant For You). ThickBlackGirl, I just want to have your swag one day (people read Trials and Tribulations).

Now, regarding this story, I'm literally just letting the characters grow into what they will. I don't know if it's going to stay T rating and I really don't want it to but we'll just see where it goes. I am open to changing the rating though.

Thank you for your comments everyone. ThickBlackGirl thank you for being so supportive and reading it right away and commenting on how hard high school can be. Guest, I loved that you thought it was a cute story. I aim for that, so thank you. Joice, joice, joice, you all can see what I mean by her humor. She makes me laugh at every one of her comments and/or chapters of RSAP. And you're right, when it comes to my high school I think we all would've taken out our cells to record any fight. When it comes to this story I think of Jazzy as my little sister and imagined what would've really happened if it were her and I would hope she would call the popo no matter what issues we have with them. I love your comments though and I hope you keep commenting when you got time.

So that's it. I hope to read more comments/suggestions. This is my very FIRST fanfic ever and I just want to create a world/story of some of my most loved characters from such an eye-opening, breathtaking show, like so many amazing writers have done before me.

CHAPTER 4:

It only took the police a few minutes to get here but it felt like so much longer. Why am I still shaking? Oh yeah, they're asking us questions. What are they even saying? I'm just so frazzled. I don't want this. I don't want this to be part of my life. I don't want violence or abuse or fear to be part of my life at all. I already have to deal with this at home.

"His name is Mark Anderson and he's in the 10th grade. He attacked Jazmine and I got there just as he was about to…" Huey stops and I can see he's looking off at something that's not there. He's still. He's too still. I touch his hand and can feel how cold it is. Why is it this cold? Is he sick?

"Son, please continue. We need all the information you can give us" the officer says to Huey. I'm glad it's a female officer. I don't know why, I just don't feel safe around men right now. Oh yes, because of that.

"'Well I guess you won't mind if I reciprocate the favor by popping that cherry that all these guys be wanting' that's what he said" I hear myself saying those words but don't know where I'm getting the bravery to say them.

I feel like it wasn't that bad. He didn't even kiss me. He didn't get close to rapin… "Jazmine" I can hear Huey's voice. He didn't even kiss me. Why am I acting like this? Like I can't move. Like I'm talking and saying these things but it's not me that's saying them. "Jazmine" there's Huey's voice again, but I can't answer back. "She's in shock. Please son, let her go. We need to take her to the hospital" the officer says. But why is she saying that? I'm fine. I'm fine. I was just a little scared for a few minutes. I'm fine. But. Why. Can't. I. Move?! Are things finally catching up to me? Is the other stuff I deal with finally seeping into other parts of my life?

"Jazmine look at me!" and I look up and see those red eyes staring at me, full of fear. I've never seen fear in those eyes. He's taller than he used to be. Am I distracting myself to not be here right now? To not be anywhere?

"Jazmine, I promise to never leave you alone ever again" I hear him say. I can feel wetness on my face. Am I still crying? Why? It wasn't that bad. Things aren't that bad. No one really knows. Even my bestie doesn't know.

"Yes, it was Jazmine! It was that bad!" he's screaming now. Why is Huey mad? Why is he yelling? I don't want this. And then I feel his arms around me. "Jazzy, I'm sorry. I'll be there always. I was almost too late. I'm sorry" I hear him saying into my hair. Why is my shoulder wet? Is Huey crying? For me?

"Jazmine! Baby!" I hear my mom's voice. I look up and see my mom pushing her way through the officers. "Ma'am, we need your identification before we can let you pass" says one of the officers who's holding her. "That's my baby and she got attacked now let me go before I make sure your entire precinct is closed!" she's screaming now. "Ma'am, I'm sorry but we need to see your…" he keeps saying. "Look, my name is Sarah Dubois and that is my daughter! Her name is Jazmine Dubois and she's 14 years old. Here's my ID and believe me that next time we speak you better be giving me information on her attacker." My mom says. I've never heard her that determined. She loves me. She always has.

"Yes ma'am, we apologize but this is protocol" he says and is cut off by my mom's stern voice again, "I know protocol. I used to work for the district attorney's office and I'm telling you right now that I need follow up information regarding your investigation of this case by tomorrow" she says and marches right up to me.

"Huey, please let me have my daughter" I hear her say. Huey lets me go and I instantly smell my mom's warmth around me. "My baby, are you ok?" I hear her saying to into my shoulder. Why can't I feel my body? It wasn't that bad. I'm fine.

"She's not fine Sarah. She needs to go to the hospital. She's in shock" that's Huey's voice again. Why can't I move? "Yes, yes, lets get her in the ambulance now" my mom says, and I can feel her warmth being pulled away from me. I start to panic. "Baby I'm going with you" she says and she's back. Her warmth is back again.

"Mom, Huey, please..." I say. "Yes of course, he's coming" she says. "I'm here, just needed to finish giving them more information" he says as he sits down next to my mom. When did we get in the ambulance? Wasn't I just outside, in front of the school, talking to the police?

"Jazmine, relax, we're both here and we're going to the hospital with you" Huey's voice says but I can't see where it's coming from now. "Jazmine, they gave you a sedative to help you relax" he says again. A sedative. Like a drug? I don't want to have drugs in me. I haven't even smoked a cigarette in my life. I hear my mom laugh. Am I thinking out loud? Oh god, please don't let me say anything embarrassing. Specially anything about Huey! What if he finds out that I think he's cute.

Wait, why is everything white? God, where am I now? And why is my body so heavy? Why is everything so heavy? Ok, opening one eye. Blurry but I know I'm in a white room and there's a chair with someone sitting in it to my left. Opening second eye now. Ok, still blurry, but things are getting clearer. God, why do my arms hurt.

"Jazmine, can you hear me?" I can hear a soothing voice. Where am I? "Jazmine, can you hear me?" that voice says again and I think I know it. It feels like a warm blanket that makes pain go away. "Jazmine, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere" that voice says. I can hear it coming from my left and start to move my head in that direction.

Is that a brown fluff on top of a red eyes? "My hair's not a brown fluff Jazmine" I hear him say in a more serious voice. Oh god, I must be talking out loud again. Please don't let Huey be near by or I'll surely embarrass myself. "Jazmine, look at me" that voice says.

My vision starts to clear, and I see those eyes are actually part of a very defined, handsome face. Chiseled, like superman in the shows I used to watch as a kid. And that brown fluff is hair, an afro actually. Huey's afro. God I love his afro. So fluffy looking. Wonder how it feels to touch it.

"Jazmine, you're still talking out loud" he says. And then I see it. Huey. He's looking at me with anxiety written all over his face but a tint of blush on those wonderfully chocolate colored cheeks of his.

"Darn it" I hear myself say. How much did he hear? Jazzy, why must you embarrass yourself in front of your bestie all the time? I mean, this is a constant up-hill battle that I'm just not going to win. I will always embarrass myself by saying stupid, dumb.

"Jazmine, stop it" I hear him say. "Stop what?" I ask but my voice sounds slurred. "Stop thinking about whatever it is you're thinking because it's probably not true" he says. "No, it's true. All of it. I always seem to embarrass myself with you Huey. I mean I say really, really embarrassing…" I start, but can't stop the slurring. "No Jazmine, the things you say are the only things that bring me some kind of peace and I don't know what I would do without those stupid, dumb, Jazmine things you always say" he responds. When did our faces get this close? Have we been this close this entire time? He's staring at me like he's waiting for something. What is he waiting for? His lips look so soft from here. He looks tired. Am I breathing? Breathe Jazmine.

"Baby!" my mom's voice takes me out of my Huey-induced trance. "Baby oh my god, you're awake!" she's saying. She climbs over the bed to hug me. Squeezing too tight. "Mama, I love you but I can't breathe" I manage to say into her shoulder. She finally lets go and I take a look at her face. She also looks tired to but more like she's been crying. Why was she crying? I'm fine. Everything's fine.

"I told them the sedative would be too much for you. You're not allergic to anything but still you're just a young girl, my baby, and they shouldn't have given you so much" she's saying. I'm trying to keep up with her but she's talking too fast. "I'm going to be talking to this hospital about what kind of people they hire…" she's still saying. She loves me so much. My mama.

"Mom, I'm fine. I feel ok. I just want to go home" I tell her. "Ok baby, as soon as the doctor gives you leave we'll take you home" she says and smiles that wonderful smile that reminds me of how lucky I am to resemble her.

"Where is she?!" I hear someone screaming from the hall. Huey stands up and walks to the front of the bed. "Where is she?! She's my daughter and we're going home right now!" that voice says again. I freeze. I know that voice. I don't like that voice. A long time ago, it gave me comfort, until he started drinking. Then, those nights, when he would come home drunk and angry, he would scream at me and my mom. Call my mom horrible names. My mom would tell me to go to my room and lock the door. I would and I could hear her telling him to calm down, even turning on the water to help him shower, and finally putting him to bed.

"I love you baby and I will never let him hurt you. He just needs to get help" she told me many times. I trust mom and I know to believe her so I would just smile and hug her. She would cry sometimes.

"Where is she?!" he's screaming again. I hate that sound. "Sir we simply asked you for your identification and if you can't provide that then we have to ask you to leave" someone responds. "Do you know who I am!? I work for the district attorney's office and make three times as much money in one hour as you make in an entire year!" he yells. "Sir, please, we are only asking because of the situation the patient was in and we must take all precauti…" they say. "I said get out of my way! I don't have to show you anything! What I need is for my 'wife' to do as I say and if she would just make our 'daughter' come home on time I wouldn't be here wasting my time" and I hear the venom come off of him when he says wife and daughter. "Sir please…" and then there's some pushing and things falling. I jump as I hear the crash of things falling on the floor and my mom hugs me. "Call security now!" I hear them saying.

Then I see a hand grab onto the door frame and he slowly steps in. My father. "Dad…" I say.

"Shut up! I had to come here to pick you up because you were being a slut at school and got caught and now you're here wasting my time when I should be in the office putting niggers like him away" he says motioning to Huey. I see Huey widen his stance in front of my bed.

"Tom! Don't you dare say that about Huey! If it wasn't for him…" my mom starts, getting up from the bed.

"Shut up 'Sarah'!" he says her name with such hatred. "Huey's the reason she is the way she is! You let her hang out with him and that other slut with the drug-addict parents and look!" he says pointing at me. "Look at her! She's messing around at school and gets caught and blames it on" but my mom doesn't let him finish.

"Shut up Tom! I was going to wait for Jazmine to be well before telling her that we're getting a divorce. You can say all you want about me, but when it comes to Jazmine you will not say another damn word! She is a wonderful and loving young girl and she knows how to pick her friends. The choices Cindy's parents make do not fall on her shoulders and you will not condemn her because of them! And Huey has been nothing but a gentleman to Jazmine, saving her from harm today and here you are, calling her names she doesn't deserve. Get out! You are not welcomed here or anywhere near us!" she yells.

"Sarah, you don't want to do this" he says so calmly I feel a coldness creeping up my spine.

"Yes, I do Tom! I'm done with you" she says, and I can see her hands shaking. "For too many years you told me how stupid and lazy I was. All because you wanted me to go back to work and have Jazmine babysat by some stranger. Well, no. I told you time and time again that I would not leave her until I felt she was ready to take care of herself and only then I would go back to work. But you, with your insistence on money and showing the rest of the world how 'not black you were' because of how well off you were made me question if you were right. If money was worth me leaving Jazmine all day and evening to work, just so we could have 'more'" she says. My mom looks so tired.

"Yes 'wife' because that's the way it should be. You're white and an attorney who was quite successful when we met. You were going to be my next stepping stone to getting away from how the professional world sees me as just another black attorney that helps get 'his people' out of the gutter where they belong" and he says his people with such disgust I have to look away at how embarrassed I am of him.

"Thomas! You are such a…" she says and then looks at me, with those beautiful blue eyes of hers and then turns back to my father "out of respect for our daughter and Huey who has been nothing but kind to her I will not name exactly what you are, but I will say that you and I are done. I could stand the fact that you weren't proud of who you were for many years because I thought that maybe the man I loved, the man that gave me such a wonderful and beautiful daughter would come back one day, but I see that the money and prestige killed that man a long time ago" she says shaking her head and looking at my father with sad eyes. My mom shouldn't be sad. She shouldn't have to live like this.

"Our family helped you get where you are because we supported you with love. Our daughter, always waiting for her daddy to come home after work to give him a big kiss. Myself, always making sure you knew that I loved you because of how much of a hard worker and loving man you were. I loved you for every piece of you, not just because you were a successful attorney. And then helping you these last few years when you would come home angry at how they treated you differently at the office, not giving you certain cases, because you were black. Sometimes, coming home angry and drunk. And me telling you that all you had to do was keep moving forward and we would always be there for you. Reminding you that we loved you no matter what job you had and if you wanted to leave your job you could. We would manage somehow" and my father scoffed at this.

"No Tom. Don't you dare do that. You know I'm right. I started saving money so we could survive without that job. We could move back to Louisiana with my family…" and he cuts her off "oh yeah, the nigger couldn't cut it and now he's coming back with our daughter and a half-nigger so we can help them" he says. "Tom, you know my family would never say that! They love Jazmine. They loved you until you started forcing us to stop contacting them. They never called you any such names and didn't care about you being black as long as you made us happy". "Because they're white trash" he says and I see Huey move one step closer to my father.

"Huey no!" my mom says. I can see my father relax after my mom stops Huey.

"Look Tom. It's over. I have already put Jazmine through enough by having her see you come home drunk and angry. She had to witness you screaming at me and shoving me" I see Huey tense up at that. "And then not being able to talk to anyone about this because she was protecting you". I look away feeling guilt swell up inside of me, knowing Huey is listening.

"Sarah" says the man I use to call father. He takes a long breath and continues, "you are not divorcing me. You and that slut" but before he finishes Huey steps in front of him.

"Tom. I will say this once and only once. You say one more thing to them and I promise you, you will not be leaving this hospital on your own terms" Huey says and I think the entire world stopped spinning waiting for the next person in that room to breathe.

"Sir you have to leave now!" the security guard screams from the hallway. "The police are on their way and will be taking you in to custody once you step outside of the building" I hear another voice say. I see Tom, because that's what he is now, just Tom, relax knowing there's two men that might try to stop Huey from keeping his promise.

"Fine, I'll leave, but this isn't over Sarah. You aren't divorcing me. I still need you for status and you won't be going…" but my mom cuts him off with "Tom, leave. We're done". She's still shaking and looks pale. I reach over and grab her hand. She relaxes, and I can see her color returning. I look at Tom and see he's looking at her with such hatred. I'm afraid.

"Let's go sir. The police are waiting outside" the security says. Tom turns around and walks out. I hear steps getting fainter down the hallway. "I'll be back" Huey says and before I say anything he's out the door.

"Mom" I say and she turns to look at me. I see my reflection in her eyes. I do look like her and that gives me some happiness. "Baby, don't worry. I already called an old friend that has a law firm about the possibility of me going back to work. We won't need your father" she starts and I cut her off "mom all I need is you, Huey, Cindy, Riley and sometimes grandad" I say. I see her eyes open a bit and then see her sadness transformed into a big smile. "I love you sweetheart" she says. "I love you mama" I reply.


	5. Moving forward

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

I cannot possibly say how thankful I am for the comments. I will say this now, so I can give credit where it's deserved. I got inspiration for this take on Jazmine and Cindy's relationship very much from "What's Meant For You" by QueenIsrael12573.

And dude, all the writers that commented so far have helped me either through their own stories or flat out support. They are my support. I promise, read some of their stories and you all to can have all of this for the very low price of being entertained, shocked, enamored, and blessed with their stories for hours.

CHAPTER 5:

She's with Sarah. After that incident there is no way they are letting anyone get that close to her. She's fine. She's safe. I need to make sure he's gone and can't get to them. They'll keep him until tomorrow, when he can have someone post bail for him. More than likely his work will take care of that. I need to make them aware of the danger he poses to them. I will talk to Sarah and Jazmine about that first. They deserve to be aware of any actions I take regarding this situation even if I feel like he should be put in a penitentiary, so he sees exactly what happens to our brothers, including the innocent ones, when he helps the government racial bias system lock them up.

"Huey, I promise" he says as he's being handcuffed.

"Promise exactly what, Tom?" I ask. His eyes get bigger and he looks down, scared. I don't know what he thought I would say. Yes, Tom, I would be glad to know what you need from me? The fu…

"What Tom? I need to know what a man that abuses his wife and daughter has to say" I go on. He sucks his teeth in, still looking down. Then yelps when I see the officer that's cuffing him tighten the hold after hearing this.

"Hey! That's tight enough!" He says. "You don't have a say in that sir. Now watch your head" the officer says, and he starts pushing his head down roughly and into the back of the officer's car.

"Huey this isn't over!" he's screaming now. "Jazmine belongs to me! Sarah belongs to me!" He's panicking now.

"Tom, no one belongs to you! Not one damn person!" He jumps back at my voice. I need to dial it back. "You are a worthless piece of work and I'm only saying that because Jazmine isn't here to hear it. I might not have been the best friend to her when we were younger, but you better believe that's she's always meant the world to me and I will not have you hurt her ever again" I finish. She means so much more to me.

"Yeah you asshole and if you ever get near ma Jazzy again I'll kill you maself!" her sister says. I had seen them standing there but I didn't want to make Tom aware. I wanted to keep them out of his line of sight.

"You! You're the other reason she's such a slut you little" he's screaming at her.

"A hell no you punk ass nigga! No one talks to C-Murph like that! I'll kick yo ass so bad you wish McHater got you first bitch ass" and before he says anything that might get him in juvenile detention I stop him, "Riley! Shut up before you get yourself in trouble I gotta get you out of!"

"But Huey, he went and disrespect Cin and no one does that shit!" and I respond, "I know Riley! Now take her inside! I don't want him even looking at anyone that's connected to Jazmine!" Riley says, "But Huey!" and I get louder this time, "Riley! Protect Cindy!" and that stops whatever it was he was going to say.

"Fine, damn McHater" he mumbles and grabs Cindy's wrist, dragging a screaming blond into the hospital. "You'll get yours Tom! I gots people in there and I'll make sure you gets what's coming up your" but I cut her off, "Cindy, go see Jazmine now!" and she's about to start on me but Riley beats her to it by dragging her in further, "And nigga, don't drop the soap!" he says and then he's gone inside the hospital with an angry white girl.

I turn my head back. He's inside the back of the police car now. I have to add, "Hey Tom" I say slowly, and he looks up at me. "I'll be waiting when you come out" and the officer closes the door. "Son, you don't have to do anything. We'll protect his wif…" the officer says. "His soon to be ex-wife and daughter who he won't see unless I'm around" I respond. "And no, you won't. You'll keep him in there for twenty-four hours, he'll get out, and he'll come after them. I'll be there" and I'm sure of it. I give the man in the backseat of the police car one last look. He looks away, afraid. Good.

Then I stand there and wait to make sure they take him away. Ten minutes and finally the police car is driving off the hospital parking lot.

I turn around and walk back in to the hospital. So much planning. Keep everyone safe. Keep the girls safe. Use the stairs. Get there faster. Jog up the stairs. Floor four. Jog to the room.

"And I told him that I rather make out with a dog cuz that would be a better time!" I hear Jazmine and Cindy laughing. We'll, Jazmine's laughter, Cindy's cackle. "Honey you said that?" I hear Sarah say.

I lean on the doorframe and see Cindy in the chair I was recently occupying, holding Jazmine's hand, with Riley behind the chair, leaning on the wall, giving Jazmine a look I've never seen him give anyone but Cindy. Concern.

"Yes, I did mama! I told him he was lower than dirt and he ain't deserve my time or Jazzy's and if he eva talked to me again I would beat him with the first chair I got a hol of" she continues, and I see Riley look down at her with a face full of pride. I feel my eyebrow move up. Why haven't I seen this before? He likes…

Jazmine's laughing. The world is back in order. I need to keep it that way.

"Cindy, you are my little crazy baby girl aren't you" Sarah says, and I see her grab Cindy's hands who's holding Jazmine's. And then something happens that I never thought I'd see. Cindy looks down and I think she's blushing. Then I remember I don't care enough. I look up and see Jazmine staring at me. She's the only one that noticed I was here. Forest green in the evening. "Yes mama, I am's" and Cindy's voice takes me out of that moment.

Then I hear light footsteps, about ten feet behind me I estimate. I know those steps like I know my brother's. "Grandad" I say and turn around. Hasn't changed one bit since moving here to retire. Same semi baldness that came too quickly for the man. That same fierce look that comes from being a black man who's struggled with being viewed as just 'another black' man his entire life. That same determination in his eyes that he can do anything, just give him a belt.

"Boy, where's cutie pie?" he says and pushes me out of the way. I can't help but roll my eyes.

"Cutie pie! What happened!? I will beat anyone that touches either one of my preferred gran babies!" he says. I look at Riley and we both raise our eyebrows at the same time. All three girls start laughing.

"Grandad!" Jazmine squeaks like the little kid he must make her feel like. "Of course cutie pie! Now you tell your grandad who tried hurting you and I'll take out my belt faster than any of these hooligans ever seen!" he says. "Oh no grandad! Riles and me got this. We gonna destroy that ass…" Cindy starts but then looks at Sarah and instead says "jerk that hurt ma sister! Ain't that right Riles!"

"That's right! No one messes with Mariah but me, C-Murph and of course McHater here, always hatin" and I again I roll my eyes at my brother's stupidy.

"The police will take care of that, but I will make sure he doesn't return to your school and can't get near my baby ever again" Sarah reasons with everyone.

"Common Ms. Dub.." and we all look at Riley and he stops like the dumbass he is when he doesn't think before he opens his mouth. "It's ok Riley, you've been calling me that for almost five years, so if it slips it slips" and she smiles at Riley. That's where she gets her smile.

"Sarah" I hear grandad say in a serious tone and then ask "what's going on? Where's Tom?"

I see Jazmine. She stopped breathing, looking at Sarah.

"Robert, we, I, just…" she starts and then Riley decides to be Riley and says, "he a bitch".

"Riley! Don't you be talking like that in front of the girls!" grandad says. "But he is grandad! He be calling C-Murph names she ain't and I know he be treating Ms. Dubois like she a hoe after he get home drun…."

"Shut up Riley!" I yell, as I see Jazmine shaking.

"What is happening here!?" grandad yells to no one in particular.

Riley looks at me and continues, "look, I ain't no snitch but this is more than that. This is bigger than that. I hear him when I be coming home late, sometimes, just sometimes you know, and like he be screaming at Ms. Dubois names I no she ain't! And I no Cindy and Mariah here don't wanna say nothing tryin to protect his punk ass."

I start walking before I think. I'm standing next Jazmine's bed. "Hey" I say, and she looks at me. "Jazmine, you're ok. Everyone is ok. Your mother's ok. I'm here" and she leans her head on my stomach. I look up at grandad. "Grandad, they need to stay with us tonight. He could get out as soon as his office finds out and he'll be coming for them" I say to him.

I see grandad look at Sarah. I see the same exact look Riley gave Jazmine just a few minutes ago. "Of course they are. No one's hurting any of my grand babies" he says.

"Robert, it's ok, we'll be staying at a hotel.." she says. "Sarah, I am more capable of protecting all of you than any hotel security, or even the police" I reason. She looks at me. I think of Jazmine and the fact that her head is heavier than it used to be. I don't know what Sarah saw to make her consider it but her next answer is "Of course Huey".

"Hell yeah! We all stayin at the Freeman house tonight!" and again Cindy's voice takes me out of my Jazmine trance.

LATER THAT NIGHT

So, it's over. He's gone. At least he's not coming back. I don't know what's going to happen, but he's not coming back. Coming back to us. He's gone. I feel light. Like I can start again. I can start living again.

"Jazzy" I can finally breathe at night when he's not home. Knowing he's not coming home. Knowing there won't be slamming doors. "Jazzy". Knowing my mom's going to be trying to shush him after he walks in. Closing the door behind so nobody can see him stumbling into the house. "Jazzy". Watching him push her off him calling her names I've never even heard Riley say. Telling him to be quiet or the neighbors will hear, and she knows he doesn't want people knowing. Telling him she loves him, we love him. "Jazzy". And her looking up at me from downstairs, sometimes on the floor, telling me everything's ok and to lock myself in my room and of course, that she loves me. And him, looking up at me, drunk, like I'm a stranger, but one he hates. "And you, you'll turn into another gold-digger of a slut trying to fuck any white man that gives you a Bentley". And mom again telling me to go to my room and everything will be fine as I see bruises forming on her elbows from hitting the floor. "Jazzy!" I hear my sister say. "Yes, sorry Cin. I was…"

"It's ok Jazzy. I'm here. I love you" she says into my hair. How long has she been hugging me? Oh yes, we're on Huey's bed. We're sleeping in Huey and Riley's room tonight. She was on Riley's bed a minute ago. I must've started talking out loud again.

She finally let's go. "I am ok Cin. I was just…" but she cuts me off, "I know Jazzy, I know". She does know. She was there the many times he would come home, angry or angry and drunk. She would stay with me in my room, holding me from going to my mom. "Jazzy, we need to tell someone" she would say. "No Cindy! My mom told me not to and she, she, she trusts me!" I would tell her, and she would just hold me and let me cry, while we heard him shoving her in their bedroom and calling her so many horrible names. Now that I think about it, it must've been worse than just shoving.

"Jazzy!" I hear her say. "Yes, I'm ok, just a little frazzled. Do you know where mom is? I just wanna see her for a little" I tell her. "Yeah, she downstairs on the phone" she says. "We go and I can go see Riley in the guest room. I think he has the Xbox in there" she says and slides off the bed, grabbing my hand. I think she's using me as an excuse to see Riley, but I don't judge my sister. I just smile at their cuteness.

As we reach the bottom step I hear her, "yes Sam, I'm good. Thank you for asking. I don't mean to be straight forward, but I'm need of your assistance". Where'd Cindy go? Oh yeah, guest room to play on the Xbox with Riley. "I know it's been a few months, but I was wondering if you would still consider giving me an interview?" she continues.

I can feel him before I see him. His heat relaxes me. God forbid he ever finds out though.

"You know it's bad manners to be listening to other people's conversations" Huey says from one step higher than where I'm standing. I turn around and see he's in black basketball shorts and a dark green t-shirt. Dark green looks good on him. "Why are you so much taller than me?" I say. His left eyebrow rises, "because biologically, boys tend to…" and I cut him off, "Huey, I'm not asking for the biological reasoning behind it, I just rather you be down here" and I grab his hips and move one step back and bring him back with me, forcing him down the step.

I didn't think that through though, forgetting his steps are wider than mine and before I realized what was happening, he was standing in front of me with my hands holding his hips and me looking up at his very, soft, looking, lips. Lot closer than I thought this would turn out.

"Yes, I can be there Monday. That's great! Thank you so much!" I hear my mom say excitedly, which reminds me of what I'm doing, and I let my hands fall.

"Jazmine!" I hear my mom's voice and turn to my left. "Mama!" I reply out of habit. "I thought you were with Cindy upstairs" she says.

"I was and then decided to come see you" I say and smile. She looks at me and then at Huey and gives us a small laugh through her nose. She does that when she's being secretive, like when she would hide Christmas gifts around the house, so I wouldn't find out Santa really didn't exist, and I would ask her what she was doing. She would say "oh nothing my love" and laugh like that.

"Ok baby" she says. "We should all go to sleep, it's late" she says. "Ok, I'll go get Cindy" and I run to the guest room to get my sister before I do anything dumber.

That night, my mom slept on Riley's bed and Cindy and I slept on Huey's bed. The boys slept downstairs saying they wanted to be by the door just in case.

"psss, Jazzy" I hear her say into my shoulder. "psss, Jazzy" she says louder. "Jazzy!" louder this time. "What Cindy? You're gonna wake up mom" I whisper back. "I know, I know, I just wanted to ask you if you think I can stay at yo house for a few days" she says. "Of course, you don't gotta ask ever, you know that" I respond. "Is everything ok though?" I ask her. She stays quiet. "Cindy?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's cool. I just want to get away from the parentals for a while, that's all" she says. She's lying. I know when she's lying. "Ok but come to me if you want to talk about anything Cin, anything" I say.

"Course, you ma sister. I love you" she says. "I love you to Cin".


	6. Freedom

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

TBG: I love a protective grandad to. Yes, Tom needs a beat down, but he'll get his.

RabbitMelody: Thank you for your comment. I aim for cuteness between those two sisters.

TheQueenofAnime: Girl! I'm just happy you here!

Now, I think things have been hella sad for a minute so trust that they won't continue as such. I believe stories should make us happy.

CHAPTER 6:

We have surveillance cameras to ensure the perimeter of the house is secure. We have the front and back doors watched twenty-fours a day. The screens showing the output of each camera are in their living room so everyone inside the house can have access to them. That ensures no one, including Tom, will try breaking in without the people inside seeing them first. Any breach in the house will also have the alarm sound off. I'm sure any alarm going off will be enough to scare him off, and if it's not, I'm right across the street.

"Huey, you need to eat something" she says. Why did they have to leave so soon? They shouldn't have. I can protect them better from here. "Huey, ok, I'm making something for you" and I see her walking into the kitchen. She's wearing a dress today. Focus. They could've stayed longer but Sarah said they needed to get back to their normal routines since he hadn't shown up after a week. Now it's been almost a month and they think everything will be fine simply because they haven't seen him.

Yes, he hasn't shown up, but he still can. Yes, he's not pursuing custody of her, which I would never let happen, but he still could. He still has legal access to her for three years, one month, and five days. The restraining order can keep him away, but there's so much I can do.

"Huey, please eat" she says. Jazmine. I look down at what she's holding. A plate with a sandwich.

"Jazmine, you know I don't eat meat" but she cuts me off, "Huey, it only has vegetables" she smiles and continues "tomato, lettuce, sweet mayo, and the jalapenos you like."

Her face isn't as round as it used to be, is it? She keeps looking more and more like Sarah, but she has her own uniqueness. She's, Jazmine.

"Huey, no more" she says, puts the plate down next to me, takes the laptop from my lap, shuts it, and turns around walking back to the stair case. I stand, "Jazmine, there's more research I have…"

"No Huey!" she yells. She's holding the laptop to her chest. Facing away from me. I don't like when she's not looking at me. Push that feeling down. Focus.

"Jazmine, you have to" I say. "No Huey! No more, please" she says but this time quieter. "Look, I get it. Thank you. You're trying to protect us. My mom, myself, even Cindy" and I can tell she's smiling at the last part.

"Yes, we'll, your mother, you, and your sister" I say and roll my eyes at the last part. She giggles. When had I stopped breathing? I walk up to her and can see her shoulders relax. "Jazmine, I know this all seems like too much, the cameras outside your house, monitoring any visitors, calling me as soon as you walk into your house, making sure to check there isn't anyone in the house, not being able to go out without either Riley or myself" I stop short of saying how much I want to protect her. She turns around. I know she's going to cry and possibly scream. That's what she always does. But she surprises me.

"Huey" she says, and I can smell the strawberry lip balm she's wearing. "I understand you want to protect us, but please let us have a say in this" and she looks up at me. She continues, "Let me have a say in this." I can see a look I haven't seen before. What is that? I have to focus.

"Jazmine, you don't understand, he could…" I'm trying to reason with her. "Yes, I do Huey" she says louder. I think she's trying to save my eardrums. "I know he could come back, but I just don't want to live like this. I don't want to live my life in a box because of him. He's already taking several years of freedom from me. I just don't want him taking more" she finishes. The bags under her eyes are slowly going away. How long were they there before I noticed them? How long did she go without telling me what was happening? What did he do to her?

"Jazmine, did he take anything else?" I ask the question I don't want to ask, but have to, knowing there will be no person or wall capable of stopping me from killing him if he did anything else to her. Her eyes get bigger, realizing what I'm asking and says, "No Huey, he didn't do anything to me, nothing like that" she says. I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"But he made me afraid of coming home late, of hanging out with people, or doing things that I wanted to do, of hanging out with you…" she stops. "He didn't want you hanging out with me?" I ask, and I feel my smirk coming on. "Well yes, but anyways.." but I cut her off. "Why, Jazmine? Why didn't he want you hanging out with me?" I ask. She looks away. "Well, because you're a guy Huey and he just thought that you would you know" and she's still looking away. "I would what Jazmine?" and I don't know why but my voice gets deeper. I can see the heat rising to her cheeks.

"He would start arguments with my mother about me doing anything, I mean just hanging out after school to get tutoring" she starts, getting louder, thinking somehow I'm going to forget about my last question. "You remember that tutor I got last year, after I got a C in algebra?" she continues. "Well I told my parents I could just go to afterschool tutoring they had in the library or even ask you, but that turned into a horrible argument where mom kept saying that I should have a say in my tutoring and he just kept screaming at her that that's exactly what she wanted so I could turn out like her" she stops and breathes. "I mean I didn't know what he meant until nights later when I overheard the arguing coming from their room. He kept saying what I really wanted to do was go out with boys and probably start going to parties and drinking" and I can see her hands starting to shake. "I mean Huey, I was thirteen! For goodness sake! I was thirteen years old! Yes! I might not be much older now, but back then I just thought I could help them save money, by not getting a private tutor, knowing mom was doing what she could do to save where ever she could" and then I see her eyes get bigger, looking scared. "But he, he was, he was just so, controlling, and mean, and mom was always trying to keep me out". She shakes her head from side to side, "I just couldn't tell anyone, I just, I mean Cindy only found out because she slept over so much, and I made her pinky swear she wouldn't say anything, even to Riley" she stops, like she's going from one scene in her mind to another too fast.

I grab her shoulders, lightly, knowing I still have to find a certain 'nothing' that hurt her.

"Jazmine, he's not…" I say. "Yes, I know Huey, he's not here anymore and he's not coming back" she finally looks up at me. "So, I have to start to get to know who I am. I don't even have hobbies. Helping Mr. Willis was great because it taught me I like being around older people, I like being around people in general, but I like older people a lot more because they have so much wisdom". Forest green. It must be evening. "But even that had to be done in secret. Mom would tell him that I was at school taking extra classes to prep for the SATs, when really I was at the shelter with you and Mr. Willis" and she looks away again. She hates lying. Even to someone like Tom.

"So, I want to discover my likes and dislikes. And Huey, I can't do that unless you let me out of the house without you or Riley" and she looks at me now, giving me that look.

"Jazmine, that look won't work on me anymore" but damn it, it does, every, single, time.

"Huey, I'm not trying use my adorableness on you or the fact that you are my very bestest, wonderfulest friend in the whole wide world to ask you to let me out of the house and trust that I will look both ways when I cross the street, that I won't be going to any dark allies in the middle of the night, and will continue walking home with you or getting picked up by my mom when I stay late, but please, trust me. I know you care, and I won't put myself in any unnecessary danger" she says, and before I can protest she continues, "And if I see Tom or anyone else that I don't trust or just flat out don't know well-enough, I will call you from the cell mom got me last week" she finishes.

I can feel my lips twist as I think, a habit I haven't lost since my preteen years. The possibilities of anyone hurting her. Where she's at every day. Where she lives. The fact that ever since the 'nothing' incident, one I'm still scratching to take care of, she really hasn't been alone. Her mother, Riley, her sister, or myself. Someone is always with her. And with those new moves I taught her she can probably take down a full-grown man, possibly, giving her enough time to get out of any situation. But that only covers about seventy five percent of the negative possibilities.

"And I will call Huey, I promise, but please trust me" she says, and I can see she's pleading now. And then she says what breaks my resolve, "I need freedom again Huey, please."

I inhale her scent and look down. I hear her squeak and feel her jump up and down, out of my grip. I look up and start "Jazmine, you still have to call when you're going to be home late, at least for a while, and you still have to…" but she cuts me off, "Yes, yes, yes, Huey! Yes!" And she hugs me. I let her.

We hear the front door open. "What's that screaming and hollering about?" Grandad says.

"Hi grandad! Let me help you with those!" Jazmine says and runs over to help grandad with the bags he's carrying. "That's why you one of my favorite gran babies" he says as they start walking into the kitchen. "So, how's your sweet mama doing…." He continues.

I can see the bounce in her step as they're talking. She must be happy about this new turn of events. Maybe things won't be too bad. I have to try to trust her.

LATER THAT NIGHT

"Yes Cin. We can start doing things alone again, as long as it isn't too late" I say into the house phone. "What?! No one tell me what to do! I can do whatever I want! Just watch some boy tell me where I can and cannot go! I'll beat the…" but I cut her off, "Cindy, the day Riley told you you couldn't leave your house without him walking you you yelled for about five minutes before giving in to him." She responds, "Well, only cuz he's my ride of die! And only cuz he's hella fun to hang out with! And only cuz we always together anyways! And.." and I stop her, "Cindy, you can't say no to that boy and you know it" I say and smile into the phone.

"Well it ain't like you can say no that big-headed brother of his either!" she says back. "No, I can say no to Huey, but I know how to pick my battles and that was one I wasn't going to win" I say. "Sure, whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night sis" she says. "I don't know what you're talking about Cindy". "Sure, you don't know suga plum, like I don't see how you be looking at McHater when he ain't looking" she says, and I feel my cheeks getting warm. "Cin! I do not look at him when he's not looking!"

"Sure, you don't. And sure don't hug him extra longer than you do anyone else baby girl" she says. "Cin! I do not! And look we're getting off topic here" I remind her. "Sure we are" she says.

"Look I just wanted to tell you what Huey said and that I'm probably going to join a club at school this semester" I tell her. "Like what kind of club? Better not be no nerdy club sis" she says.

"I don't know. I kinda want to do some volunteer service at a nursing home, or dancing, or running. I don't know. There's so much I want to do" I tell her. "Eww, like for old folks?" she says. "Yes Cin, like for old folks" I say trying not to laugh. "You should join something to" I tell her. "I don't need to join anything" she says. "Yes, Cindy you do. It'll look good on college applications" I say. "But I on even know if I want to go to college". "Cindy, you might. When the time comes you might and doing extra-curricular stuff might help you" I tell her. "Well, I on know Jazzy. Let me think about it. There is the girls' basketball team at the school" she says. And I smile. "Yes sis, that would be great" I tell her.

THAT SAME NIGHT

"Huey you sure about this?" Riley asks from his bed. "Yes Riley, I'm sure" I respond, still reading my book. "A'ight, as long as you think they be smart about where they go and who they with" he continues, "and as long as that punk ass ain't show his face 'round here" he finishes.

"He hasn't, but I'm not removing any of the cameras in their house or the alarm system I set up" I tell him. I lower my book and look to my left. I look directly at my brother. I can already see what he's thinking so I respond, "and if he comes around and you catch him before I do, you can do whatever you want to him, including taking him to Ed and Rummy."

"Hell yeah!" he says and jumps off his bed. I return to my book but hear him running out of the room, his footsteps down the hallway, going to the kitchen, I'm sure to call those two.

It has been almost an entire month. He hasn't shown up to their house or the law firm where Sarah now works. I think Sarah's already even filed the divorce paperwork, but I haven't asked. That's her business and I'm sure Jazmine will let me know if I'm needed in that department. Maybe he's really given up. Right. It doesn't matter. I'll be here to protect them if he decides he wants to disrupt the bit of peace they have.

The new school semester starts on Monday. I can feel my headache coming on. Horrible education system, clueless kids, and obnoxious adults who think they know something. There isn't anything interesting there either, considering the lack of actual information we receive in class. I know Jazmine enjoys it though. She enjoys things. I want her to enjoy things. I want her to laugh again every day the way she did today, when I told her she could have some of her freedom back. Now that Tom isn't around, she can enjoy things again. And I'll make sure to be there to hear her laughter every day.


	7. First day and possibilities

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

CHAPTER 7:

I can't do much to thank him, but I can make sure he has better options at school. I should use zip lock bags for the sandwiches instead of foil. I can always use foil later if that doesn't work. But for sure the zip lock bags will save the sandwiches from being smashed. Lettuce, red vine tomatoes, sweet mayo, light mustard, cheese, because that's at least not hurting animals, and the jalapenos he likes. Mine, no jalapenos. Two sandwiches for him, one for me, and two apples. And an extra jelly and peanut butter sandwich just in case either one of us is still hungry. He might still be hungry even with two sandwiches. I can also find my sis to give her the extra one if neither one of us eats it. That reminds me, I need to talk to her to see how she's doing. We haven't talked about anything home-related in weeks. Only I really know about her situation. I need to see how she's doing.

There's a knock at the door. He's already here? What time is it? I run to the door and open it. "Bestie!" I say and hug him.

"Jazmine, remember to not call me that in" he says but stops whatever he was going to say and just stares.

"Do you like it?" I say. I didn't know if he would like me doing something different but now that Tom's not around I feel I can try to discover who I am.

"Yes" he says, but his mouth stays open. I giggle. "Huey, it's just side cornrows."

I decided to try and braid my hair last night. Watching a YouTube video I found out it wasn't too hard so long as I went slow. I only did a few inches in on the top left of my head, about a two-inch square. I left the rest of my hair down, taming it a bit by adding more conditioner in after I showered. I also decided to wear a cream colored off shoulder sweater. I wanted to feel my hair on my shoulders. Basic dark skinny jeans and my brand new green low-cut converse. I should invest in more colors, but I like green. Oh yes, and the jade earnings my mom got me last year. I could never take them off.

He's still looking at me. I'm getting nervous, so I start talking just to make the silence go away, "it's just that he wouldn't let me wear certain clothes saying they were revealing, and he hated when I tried to braid my hair, even though I always wanted to…" but he stops me before I continue, "Jazmine, you look" he starts and stops. He gulps and says, "nice". Then says, "we're going to be late."

I look nice. I guess that's the best I can get out of him. I want to laugh. I know my bestie enough to know when he likes something. And then I remember, "oh let me get the lunch I made this morning."

"Sarah didn't give you lunch money today?" he asks, and his left eyebrow rises. I respond, "she did, but the lunch I made isn't for me silly, well, not only for me" and before he ask I say, "we gotta go or we'll be late to the bus stop."

I run back to the kitchen, grab the brown bag, run back and grab my backpack by the stair case. He's already outside. I walk out and lock the door behind me. "Alarm" he says. "Oh yeah, shoot, be back" I say, unlock the door, drop everything again, go back to the living room closet where he set up the computer, punch in grandma's birthday and then grandad's birthday, hear the beep giving me ten minutes to leave, grab my stuff from the floor, and run back out, locking the door.

He looks at me from the bottom step, the sun rays on his face. I stop and stare, just for a few seconds.

Not burgundy. Maroon. The color of his eyes in the morning. A soft maroon.

"Jazzy" he says. He calls me that when we're alone or when he's not thinking. "Yes, sorry, I was" I start. I shake my head. "I'm fine, let's go" I say, and walk up next to him so we can start walking to the bus stop.

We get to the corner the bus normally picks us up and I see the rest of the kids waiting. I remember some of these kids. I had class with those two boys last semester. Why are they looking at me? Is it because of the Mark thing? I start to panic. No. No. Calm down Jazmine. It wasn't broadcasted since it happened after school when everyone had gone home. And being that we're both minors this was all kept confidential. Also, as far as I know, his parents moved him to another state to some relatives last week, pending the investigation. The court gave them clearance after my mom said she would rather have him moved as far away from me as possible. And being back in court I think she pulled some strings.

The bus pulls up. I wait, letting everyone get in first. Huey likes to wait to make sure he knows exactly who's getting on before we do. After everyone's on I get on, taking the first step on to the bus. Then I see him. Ruckus. He looks at me, then looks down. Why? Oh. Someone must have told him. About Mark or about Tom? It doesn't matter, I just don't want him saying anything.

"Look lil' half and half" he says and I feel my left eyebrow rise. "I know you be going through some tough times, so I just wanted to apologize to you and your mama if I ever, ever…" he's starting to sweat, so I give him a break. "Ruckus" I say as softly as I can. I feel anything higher than that would break his small spirit. "It's okay, I'm okay. I have what I need, and I have what I want" I tell him. And I do. I have my mom and my sister, and I have the Freemans. What else could a person ever need in this world?

"Jazmine" I hear him say behind me. I have my bestie. I move up the last step and start walking to the back of the bus. "Half and half you can sit where'ver you wan" I hear him say. "Thank you Uncle Ruckus" I say and smile, accepting his apology. Then continue to the back.

I sit on the second to last row to the left. That's where we sit. I wait for Huey to sit first and then I slide in after. He doesn't like sitting by the isle. He says kids don't know what personal space is. I hear him exhale. "Relax, bestie" I say and lay my head on his shoulder. I feel him relax.

SAME MORNING

"Huey" I start as we're walking to homeroom. Same year so we still have the same homeroom. I wonder if I can ask the school if I can stay in the same homeroom with him throughout high school. Don't be weird Jazmine. And stop thinking about all the girls that are staring at him.

"Jazmine" Huey's voice takes me out of my self-berating moment.

I inhale and say it, "I was thinking about joining a club this semester" and then wait for him to say no. He did say he would let me have my freedom back, with a few rules, but joining a club might be another up-hill battle with him.

"Jazmine…" he starts. I stop in the middle of the hallway, turn to him, and cut him off, "if you're gonna say no Huey, please look at me while you deny my simple, tiny, request, one in which I will still be home on time or will be calling mom to pick me up when I'm late."

He turns to me. Bad idea Jazmine. When did he get this tall? And when did his shoulders get that wide?

"Jazmine" he says. I don't respond. I know where this is coming from. He's concerned. He cares. Even if I've ever only heard it in times of crisis, I know he cares. I look down, ready for the inevitable.

"Fine, just" he says, but before he can continue I look up, "Huey!" and I jump up and hug him. I hear him grunt in response. Then I remember where we are. And that my bare shoulders are touching him, yes through his clothing, but still. I let go and step back but not before seeing a rose tint on those chocolate cheeks. I wonder what they taste like. Jazmine! Stop! That's your bestie!

He turns back to face the hallway and starts walking away. I skip up to him and continue, "so I'm probably gonna go to the main office to see what clubs they have. I know they also have volunteer work where they send students out to hospitals, schools and hopefully nursing homes. Usually it's kids that need the extra credits that do that, but it looks good on college applications since it counts as work experience." I stop to breathe.

Why isn't he saying anything? He's just quiet. "Why aren't you saying…" and then he says, "You haven't talked about your future in some time." I stop talking to consider that. Is it true? Has it been that long that I talked about college or the future? Maybe. "Jazmine" I look up and see we're nearing the blue bungalows. "Yes, I'm sorry, I was just" I say. "It's okay, I'm here" he says. And I look at him. Maroon still. He is here. And Tom's gone. I feel a smile tugging at my face.

LUNCH

She's late. First day of school and she's late for lunch. We're already ten minutes in. She said to get a table and she would be here right after. Ten minutes is too long. I know her second period is the next building over. She should have been here before even I was. Then it hits me. Tom. I get up, hear my backpack hit the floor, take a step out, preparing to run to the building she was supposed to be in ten minutes ago.

Then I see her. She's walking into the cafeteria, looking a little flush but not hurt. I tell myself I'm looking at her from head to toe to make sure she's fine, but I'm smart enough to not lie to myself. I'm looking at her from top to bottom for several reasons.

She walks right up to me. I stare down the guys, some of them seniors, that are looking in her direction. They look away.

"I'm sorry Huey" she says, trying to catch her breath. "I went to my locker to get the lunch I brought, and I forgot just how far way my locker really is from the cafeteria." I close my eyes and try to not sound annoyed. "And exactly why did you need to bring lunch today, if you said Sarah gave you lunch money?" I ask.

"Because Huey" emphasizing the 'Hu' part, "This is for you" she says and hands me a brown bag.

"For me?" I question. "Yes, Huey, I made you lunch because I know you don't have many options here" she says, and she looks down, embarrassed I think, which makes her look adorable. Focus Huey.

"What is it?" I ask. She's still looking down. I want her to look at me. "Jazmine" I say. She looks up finally and exhales, "it's just two sandwiches the way you like, an extra one for me because they actually taste good, of course no jalapenos for me, and an extra peanut butter and jelly one, just in case you're still hungry" and then she looks to the right. "Oh, and two apples" she finishes, still looking away.

I don't know what to say. Yes, she's cooked for me before, but always because she had to eat herself or for a group we were part of. Never, completely out of her way, in which I would be the only beneficiary. Even when she's made food for me at home, it was to sustain me during activities she was part of in some way.

"I know you deal with what they offer here but you're never full" she continues. How does she know that? I don't tell anyone I'm still hungry after lunch. I don't even tell her. I do what I can to not let people know if I need anything and I do not allow myself to rely on anyone. Even with Grandad. I carry my weight in the house with chores and have been considering getting a part-time job to help with the bills.

"Look, Huey, you're my best friend. You have always been my best friend. And I've always been your best friend" she stops and looks up at me. "Well, at least since you came back from that funeral and figured out that I was your best friend" she adds, and I see her eyes shimmer. "So, let me bring you lunch, if I can" she says.

I feel my eyebrow rise and can't help to ask, "are you sure you're not trying to give me an incentive to keep you company during lunch because your sister is trying out for the basketball team today and might have to stop hanging out with you for lunch if she gets in?"

Her eyes get big and I can see her cheeks getting red. "We'll, god, I was just" she starts. "Jazmine, thanks okay" I say and sit down. "But start using my locker if you're planning on doing this seeing as it's much closer to the cafeteria than yours" and I open the brown bag. I might start enjoying eating at school.

AFTER SCHOOL

"How can I help you?" says a pretty girl with dark blonde hair and blue eyes sitting behind the counter in the school's main office. Huey just had to come with me. I told him I was coming to get information and would meet him in front of the school as soon as I was done.

"Hi, I'm a student and wanted to get information on clubs and…" but cuts me off, "okay honey, let me get to you next" she says, completely ignoring me and looking directly at Huey. "Excuse me?" I say.

"I said to hold on honey" she says again. "How can I help you?" she says and smiles directly at Huey.

"He's here with me and I'm here to get information on clubs and volunteer work" I say.

"Honey, I said to…" but I cut her off this time, "why are you calling me honey? You're much too young to be using that term of endearment on anyone" I say.

"Look, I said" but I stop her by saying, "and I said he's here with me. He doesn't need your assistant. Now, are you gonna help me, since I assume you're a student-volunteer here and should be doing some kind of a job?" I see her finally focus on me.

Then I feel his hand on my shoulder. My bare shoulder. It gives me goosebumps. And I see her eyes get big, and then become slits watching him touch me. Yes, he's mine. I mean my bestie. Jazmine, focus.

"Ashley!" I hear from behind the blond. "But I'm helping them!" she whines, and I think I feel Huey tremor from the sound of her voice. "Why don't you go back to the conference room and clean the chalk boards?" the lady says. "But Ms. Lola!" she whines and this time I know Huey's shivering from her voice.

"Ashley! Do not make me repeat myself" the older woman says sternly. The girl slides off the high chair and walks to the back of the office, where I can see a hall that must lead to the conference room, but not before turning around and winking at Huey. I think I see red. And just as I'm about to jump over the counter I feel his hand move down from my shoulder to my lower back, down to my hand, and he grabs it. And I feel calm.

"I'm sorry about that sweetheart. It's hard to find students that are willing to help around here without some kind of attitude" she says.

She's so, warm. "Hi, I'm sorry about that" I start. "Oh stop that sugar plum, that was in no way your fault, now tell me how I can help" she says and smiles. Reminds me of grandma.

We leave with the list of clubs and programs the school has to offer, walking home together. She was so sweet. Ms. Lola.

"Any that interest you?" I hear him say, as we walk down the street away from the school. "Maybe. I saw one program that is set up at a nursing home downtown, just a few blocks from the shelter" I say. But I don't know if mom will be okay with me being in downtown that late. And Huey. I look to my right and see he's looking straight ahead, thinking. Always thinking. I love that warm brain.

"I was thinking about asking Mr. Willis about giving me a part-time at the shelter" he says.

"Really?!" I say a little too excitedly. He looks down at me from the corner of his eye and I can see that smirk coming on. "Yeah" he says and then looks straight ahead again and continues, "I know he needs extra help in the office, seeing as his secretary can't work as many hours since she's semi-retired herself". He continues, "and I know he needs someone that can help him throughout the week organize the supplies in the warehouse, where they keep all the blankets, beds, and supplies for the shelter". I let him keep talking. I like when he talks this much. "I could give him a deal of using me for both. He won't have to pay two people to do two jobs I know I can do. I also don't want him hiring anyone that could steal from the shelter" he finishes.

"That's a great idea Huey" I reply. I see him look down at me again and give me his full smirk.

Then I see him look forward again, he shrugs, and says, "well it would be in downtown to and I could ask him to set me up with the same hours you're volunteering." And before he says anything else, I yell this time, "Really?! Really Huey?!"

"Jazmine, my eardrum!" he says and puts his hand over his left ear. I put my hand over my mouth and start apologizing. "Jazmine, I can't understand what you're saying with your hand over your mouth" he says.

I take it off and repeat, "I'm sorry Huey. I get excited and you know what happens". I look back up at him and then see the impossible.

He's smiling? Not toothy smile, just a smile. "Are you smiling Huey Freeman?" I ask. He looks forward, "you know I don't smile Jazmine" he says. "Sure Mr. Freeman, you don't smile, unless it's with me and no one else is around because you love.." and I stop myself. I literally stop everything. Walking and breathing. He stops and looks back at me. Deep red to a dark purple. The color of his eyes in the evening.

He takes one step back and is standing in front of me. Much taller than he used to be. One, two, three, I don't know how many seconds we stood there. I wonder what's going through his mind.

Then, I see his deep red eyes shimmer, he crouches down in front of me, "Huey, what are you" I say, but then he puts his left arm around my legs, pushing my knees into his chest, making me fall over his shoulder, and he stands up. "Huey! What are you doing?!" I yell, but not loud enough to pierce his eardrum this time, even though I'm now facing his back, with his backpack over his other shoulder, giving me a really nice view of his backside.

"We're going where we haven't been in too long" he says. I start giggling or laughing. I don't know. I'm just having fun with my bestie. "Okay, but where to are we going o tho' carriage" I say in between giggles. "You'll see Jazzy" he says, and my heart skips a beat.

I don't know how much time has passed. A few minutes, maybe ten. I just keep holding on to his shoulder, my backpack strapped to my hand, so I can look up, to see exactly where we're going. Pass our houses. Pass the fire hydrant we used that summer to cool off. He crosses the street and then I know. I know where we're going.

I feel light. I feel joy. I love this place. Love it with my entire heart. Back when we were kids this was our refuge. Huey and I's. And only ours. We would come up here to talk about things I thought to be unimportant at the time. They were just things to talk about. This is where I learned the truth about life, the 'Huey Freeman style' of bluntness of course. This is where we could talk about the things we are and the things we aren't. This is where we met when he came back and accepted that I truly was his best friend. This is where I found out having him as a best friend was not only what I wanted, but what I needed. And I want to think this is where he found out he needed me.

"Huey, you don't have to carry me up, you know" I say. "But where's the fun in not carrying you up" he responds, and my body starts to feel hot for no apparent reason.

Didn't he start carrying me several blocks ago? How has he not lost his breath? We reach the top, pass the oak tree, and he finally sets me down. And there he is again. I see some sweat on his forehead. I want to laugh at the realization that maybe I do weigh some, but the boy never lost his breath. This is the position we were in several blocks ago. With the sun hitting him just right. Dark red.

I smell the oak tree next to us. I feel the wind that's carried up by the rolling hills down below, west to east. He taught me what direction the wind blows. I feel the softness of the grass under my shoes. The moisture of the dirt under that grass, still wet from the recent rains. I feel the warmth from the sun on the right side of my body. I shiver from the coldness on my left side.

"Cold?" he says. I smell his breath on my face. The mixture of the earth, the grass, the oak, the new born leaves, his breath, cultivating into this sense of peace. "Jazzy, are you cold?" he asks again.

I lean my head down onto his chest and close my eyes. I want to smell it all. Specially him. The scent that is Huey. "No, bestie, but can we sit?" I ask.

"The grass is wet Jazmine" he says, and I can imagine how he lowers his eyebrows over his eyes.

"But, I have something we can use" he says. I look up. I see his bottom lip. So plump. I can feel my throat dry up and then I remember, he's your bestie Jazmine. You are best friends. You shouldn't feel like this about your best friend. Should you?

"Jazmine" he says and I look up higher. Dark red, almost purple, must be late evening now.

Ring. And I blink. My phone's ringing.

"That must be your mother. It's late, we should head back" he says. "Hold on, let me answer it first so she knows I'm okay" I say and start looking for my backpack. By the tree. When did I put it down? I walk over to it, open the front pocket, and pull out my phone. I stand up and go back to standing in front of Huey. "Yes, mama, I'm fine" I say right away.

"Baby where are you? You didn't call to say you would be late. Is Huey with you?" she says. "Yes, mama, he's right here and we're by the house. I stayed a little late talking to the school about volunteer work. I'll be home soon though" I say. "Okay baby, just be safe. I trust Huey" she says. And I look up and I see his smirk. I roll my eyes. "Okay mama, I'll be home soon. I love you" I say. "Baby, you're with Huey. I trust you'll be fine. Just don't come home too late. I love you" she says and hangs up. I could swear I felt her smiling as she said those last words.

"I heard, we should go back" he says and turns around. I grab his arm before he takes a step, "Oh no bestie, you just said there was something we could use, and I haven't been up here in too long, so what is it?" I say. He looks back at me, I drop my hand as he turns completely around, and he crosses his arms.

"When did you become so stubborn?" He asks, and I see his eyebrow rise and that hallmark smirk of his. "Just now" I say and continue, "or rather in the last few weeks, realizing just how much I want things and there's no better time than right now to have them" I say. And I believe it.

I think of Mark and how he wanted to take a special moment and that special moment is still mine to give. I think of Tom and all those nights I cried, alone, or with my sister, not telling anyone, including my best friend. Learning how to put on just enough make up to hide the bags under my eyes. I want to start living again. I can't get back the countless hours of crying and locking myself in my room, hoping that the fighting would stop. I can't make those sleepless nights, knowing he was coming home, go away. But, I can start having nights filled with dreams and possibilities starting now. Now that he's gone. Now that I'm not hiding anything from my best friend.

He's looking at me. Does he know what I'm thinking about? Can he see it in my eyes?

"Okay" he says. "Okay?" I ask. "Yes, okay Jazmine. I trust you" he says. I inhale. Breathe Jazmine. He steps back, crouches down to his backpack, opens the center bag, and pulls out a sweater. Always prepared. But instead of putting it on, he does something else, he lays it on the wet grass, and sits on it with his legs open, then looks up at me.

"Okay, what are you" I start. He exhales, annoyed, and I can see he's uncomfortable. Nervous. "You said you wanted to sit right?" he says. "Yes, but where am I" I start. Then he makes a hum through his nose, sign that he's uncomfortable, grabs my left hand and pulls me down. I feel my left foot slip on the wet grass, give a small scream, but then remember the bit of training Huey recently gave me, and maneuver my hip so I can land on the cushion of my butt.

It took two seconds, but it felt like five minutes, and now I'm in the middle of Huey's legs looking out the expanse of downtown Woodcrest.

It's beautiful. Too long. Too long did I not come up with Huey because I didn't want Tom to get mad. Too long did I not look up at the stars. I can feel his heat behind me. So, I do what feels right and I lean back. Lean into his strong chest. I feel him sit up. Feel his chest expand as he inhales.

After few minutes and the temperature drops in the city I lean further back to gather some more of his heat. Then he lowers his head onto my shoulder. His warm, strong chin on my bare shoulder. I realized we've never been this close. He's my bestie. We can do this. So, I pull my legs up, grab his arms, like the blanket they are, and have them encircle my legs and body. I feel his chest rise, breathing in what I think is the clean air up here. And then he tightens his hold. We can do this. We're best friends.

That night I dream of the possibilities. I dream of grass and stars and a scent unique to one person. No matter what, I'm ready for the next part of my life.


	8. School, memories and birthdays

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Hello everyone. Nothing much to say but thank you for the support Dajah, Joice, TBG, QueenofAnime, RabitMelody, and guest. As Dajah told me to do, I'll continue exploring my creativeness through writing.

CHAPTER 8:

Almost done with this grade, then three more years to go, and finally, graduation, and college. NCCU, Florida A&M, Claflin, Fisk, Xavier, Hampton, Morehouse, Howard. I know I'll be applying to all of them and more and I also know it should not be a problem to score high on the LSATs and apply for law school thereafter. It's all in the works. I also know it really doesn't matter where it is I go to college. What matters is that I continue speaking the truth. Speaking about the knife they won't even admit is there, in the words of Malcolm X. I feel my back tense. So I lean back on the locker trying to relax to avoid the headache that I know is coming. I need to relax. Be ready for anything. I can feel my crossed arms lighten, one foot still propped on the bottom locker, remembering I'm in the perfect position to run towards an enemy if he shows himself.

Then there's my other concern in this misguided and shortsighted world. She could be hurt with their chaos and ignorance.

"Huey!" she says as she lifts herself up on her tiptoes to hug me. I stiffen for a second. A reflex of growing up in a world where the sound of a shot in the vicinity has a higher chance of being aimed in my direction because of my skin color than any other person in the same room.

She didn't ride the bus today because Sarah decided to drop her off. She texted last night saying Sarah would be going in late to work to bring her to school and talk to her about some things on the ride. I look down to look at her and start thinking it's only been a few weeks since I took her to the hill. It feels like too long since spending time with the only person that doesn't make my skin crawl with their attempt at fitting into this backwards world.

Why does she do this to me by her simply standing in front of me? I notice things about her. Like the fact that her hair's up in a bun, with some of her afro's curls coming out of the bun. I don't think she's wearing hair products to pull the rest of it down into the messy bun. It's all messy and untamed, like her. She's starting to become that messy, untamed Jazmine I met five years ago. The one that didn't have bags under her eyes and stayed quiet for ten minutes at a time, thinking what I thought were naive and childish things. She must've been thinking about Tom and Sarah, replaying those scenes of Tom coming home drunk and belligerent. How was I so off thinking it wasn't that bad? Thinking it was just arguments and Sarah could handle it. I still want to make Tom feel the fear he caused her. Jazmine.

Right now though, for some godforsaken reason, I want to touch that bun on top of her head. It looks soft. My eyes keep travelling down and I wonder where my training goes when I'm with her. The discipline I earned from all those hours, sweat, and blood. At least some of that control slips away when I'm around her. That lack of discipline is the reason my eyes continue to travel down and see she's wearing a dark blue t-shirt, a little tight for comfort, at least on my end, and then I want to punch myself when I continue my descent and see she's wearing a skirt. A light jean skirt, stopping at about two inches above her knees I estimate. I can't help but see her thighs through the outline of the skirt and how they have a bit more muscle on them than they did a few months ago. My eyes continue down and see low top gray converse today, giving me a view of the entirety of her legs. I swallow. Why is my throat dry? Where's that canteen of water I brought today? All these thoughts and the only one that's blaring in my head is how I know I should punch myself for my stupidity letting my eyes wander over her.

She's saying she talked to Sarah and she said volunteering at the nursing home would be fine. Sarah's working in downtown and can stay late at the office to wait for Jazmine's service to end to pick her up. She can also pick me up.

"Jazmine" I can't hide the annoyance in my voice, "you do know you should be more concerned with Sarah's and your safety than my own?" I ask. Her eyes get big and she looks down. I don't like when she does that. She should always be looking at me. I mean, up. To make sure she's aware of her surroundings.

"Yes Huey, but why can't my mom and I worry about you to?" she questions, then looks back up. I inhale. "Jazmine, you need to worry" I start but she cuts me off, "Yes Huey, I know" she says. She's using that voice again, the one she uses when she thinks she's whining and continues, "I do worry about my mom." I don't miss that she didn't say she worries about herself. She sighs and continues, "I do worry about her safety and I have been practicing those moves you taught me" and I see her jade eyes sparkle. Must still be before eight since they're still a light jade. Class starts at eight fifteen. "But I, I mean we, worry about you and want you to be safe okay" she says.

Why does she care so much about my safety? I've been a black belt since I was ten years old and have continued my training in other forms of marital arts since. I can also speak several languages fluently and can converse with many sorts of shady individuals if ever in a dangerous situation. I am fully capable of taking care of myself. Jazmine. I have taught her some self-defense since the 'nothing' incident, as I have decided to coin the incident where Mark attacked her almost two months ago. I feel my anger heighten for a second. She's still so small and caring and thinks there's good in everyone, given the chance. That's something even Tom couldn't take away from her. I give credit for that to Sarah for being the stable presence in her home life. Maybe Sarah believing Tom would change even after she knew he was long gone gave Jazmine this way of looking at the world, like there's pureness and a sense of peace if only she tries. The possibility that people can change. I inhale and breathe in what I hope is that peace of hers, because I don't know if that feeling will ever originate from me. I reason I must stay close, even if that means making Jazmine think she's protecting me in some way by having Sarah give me a ride home from work.

"When do you start working at the nursing home?" I ask. Her eyes sparkle in understand. "Really Huey, so we can work the same hours and you'll let my mom pick you up to?" she says.

"Jazmine, we were always going to work the same hours it was more so figuring out the logistics of how I would get you home the safest way" but she cuts me off, "Huey! Oh my gosh! Okay, okay, yes, I'm so excited," starting to jump up and down. Students, guys, who had already been eyeing her start to stare. "Jazmine" I say but she's not listening. "I'll be working there weekdays from five to seven but sometimes later if they let me" she's saying, still jumping up and down. "Jazmine" I try again. "And I'll bring us snacks and maybe a lunch we can eat if we're staying late" she stops, breathes, and continues, "Oh! And during our breaks I'll be working on homework and did I tell you that my mom and I started cooking more vegetarian dinners this week?" she asks. "Jazmine, I thought you were only making vegetarian lunch" I start to ask, but her eyes get big and again she cuts me off, "And we can maybe have our breaks together and I'll walk to the shelter to say hi to Mr. Willis after my service is done" but I stop her, "Jazmine!" I say louder and grab her arms and see her wince. "I'm" I start to say, remembering they still hurt. I let go but let my hands crawl up to her shoulders. Somewhere in my mind I'm asking myself when I started touching her so much but push that thought back.

"No Huey it's ok, you didn't remember, and I know I can go on and on" she says with a smile, but I can see she's hiding the pain that shot through her arms. "Jazmine, I just don't" I say and look down. How do I tell you that I don't want you walking pass seven o'clock two blocks from the nursing home to the shelter, not only because it's too dark, but because I want to make sure you're safe at all time? How do I tell you that I just can't fathom Tom or Mark pulling up in a car, grabbing you, and never seeing you again? Never hearing that voice of yours. That whine that only I can hear. Why do I feel like this about you? What changed? When? Focus. What is the problem here? What is my problem with what she's asking for? The problem is that no one is thinking that it's only been two months. Jazmine. Sarah. He could come back. Either one of them. Why can't you two see that?

"Huey?" I hear her say and I look up. I can't say any of those things. I don't want her to panic and shut herself off like she did those many times I asked her about Tom. I should've seen it was worse than I thought. I should have stopped him from hurting Sarah. I should have. "Huey?" she says again, and this time I can see her eyes watering.

"Huey, I'll wait for you inside the nursing home's front office every time okay?" she says and smiles. One of those smiles I know she saves for me. She doesn't know she only saves those for me. "And I'll only leave after you or mom walk in to get me okay?" she continues, sounding like she's trying to coax me into something that doesn't benefit me in anyway. "Trust me, please" she says. How does she know what words to break that resolve I worked so hard for? What resolve is she trying to break? Doesn't she see this is about protecting her and Sarah? Going home in the same car will only mean I'll continue to be close enough to protect them from Tom and Mark if either imbecile shows up.

"Jazmine" I start and see her eyes are smiling at me. "Yes, Huey?" she says. I breathe in that peace again and breathe out some of my worries. "No leaving the nursing home unless it's with me. I need to make sure the perimeter is" but she doesn't let me finish. "Of course, Huey! This is going to be so much fun!" she says and then I see her arms go up to hug me. I let her. I could have stopped her this time, but I chose not to. She hugs me around my torso, under my arms, and I can feel her chest press into mine. Is it okay that I feel like this about you? What exactly am I feeling?

"Ahem" I hear a feminine voice say to my left and feel Jazmine slowly drop her arms. I don't care enough to look to see who it is. Jazmine though turns her body and chest away from me towards the direction of the voice and I see her eyebrows lower, as her jade eyes become slits.

"Yes?" Jazmine icily says to whoever it is that interrupted us. She's usually warm and friendly to all people, sometimes too much in my opinion, so this attitude of hers intrigues me and I decide to look to see who she's directing this to. I slowly turn my body towards that direction and see a girl.

"Huey, right?" says the girl we saw in the school's main office the day we went to get information for Jazmine's volunteer work. I remember the way this girl's voice irritated me for no apparent reason but I don't care enough to look into it.

I turn around, back to my locker, to grab the rest of the books I'll need for first and second period. I can feel Jazmine behind me now and that girl standing there, now on my right side. I start pulling the books I need, putting them in my backpack that's on the floor.

"Huey Freeman, right?" that girl says this time. Why does her voice irritate me this much?

Then I remember, "Jazmine, where's the lunch you packed so you can put it in my locker?" I say. "Oh!" I hear her voice and relax as it balances out what I was just hearing a few seconds ago. "Put it in the locker so we can head to homeroom" I tell her.

I can feel her come up next to me. She brings her backpack to hang in front, covering her chest. She starts roaming through her backpack. "Anytime now," I say. After a few more seconds she pulls out the bag. "Here it is!" she exclaims, like a child that found a prize. I feel my eyebrow arch, "good going Jazmine, finding that in your very small backpack" I say. I see her eyes sparkle at my comment. "Sorry, mister my-mood-changes-from-one-second-to-the" but I cut her off this time, "Jazmine, hurry before we're late." She pouts and puts the bag in my locker and I close it. I turn around and see that girl is still standing in the same place.

"Huey, I've just wanted to introduce myself since the day we met a few weeks ago" she says.

"I thought I told you" Jazmine starts. Some instincts don't leave me even around Jazmine and I know where this could go. So, before she says anything else I step behind Jazmine, grab her arms, as light as I can this time, move her a step to the right and push her forward, pass that girl, in the direction of our homeroom.

"We're going to be late Jazmine" I remind her, pushing her from behind. "But Huey" she starts. "No Jazmine. We're doing well this semester by not having been late to homeroom so far, or at least not marked late, and I know you care about that sort of thing, no matter how much it's really about the white man trying to shape us into factory workers" I tell her. I see her look down, embarrassed.

"How do you know I care about that?" she says. I let go and walk up next to her. "Jazmine, you always have. You've always cared about not being late. Some kind of an accomplishment for yourself. Even when Tom was" and I feel my jaw stiffen.

I feel her grab my shoulder as we walk, and I look to my right and see she's staring at me. "Huey, it's okay. He's gone. You're here. You know everything now. That's what matters bestie" she says and gives me a small smile. She lets her hand drop from my shoulder as we keep walking to homeroom. I add before we walk in, "I thought I told you not to call me," but she cuts me off with, "yes, Huey, to not call you bestie, my one and only bestie" and she runs into the classroom before I can say anything else.

I don't miss those eyes that keep following us until we enter the blue bungalows.

* * *

It's decided, we both start working on Monday. I look up from the history book I'm reading. I've read the same sentence a few times. What am I missing? Why can't I focus tonight? The cameras are working fine. I checked them yesterday and I saw nothing but the mail man and a few packages from Sarah's office. No sign of Tom or any other intruder. Sarah told us that Mark's family decided to not fight the sexual assault charges if he didn't have to go to juvenile detention. They proposed that he be forced to stay in Florida until he turns eighteen as part of the agreement, along with any other requests from Sarah. She requested he be forced to see a therapist on a weekly basis and the family pay for the all expenses. That didn't go well with the family saying they shouldn't force something like that on him. Sarah gave them the option of juvenile detention, where he would be released when he turns eighteen. They immediately agreed. As long as he never shows himself here I don't care what he's forced or not forced to do in Florida. If he's lucky, he'll meet an alligator before he meets me again. Tom, that's a subject Sarah hasn't talked to us about. I'll only ask if Jazmine feels the need to bring it up. Other than that, the same will result if he shows up. I let my fist relax before I dent the book cover.

I try again, looking back down at the text book. I'm sure I've read that paragraph twice. I feel myself slump down in my desk chair, in my room. My eyes wander up the wall to my calendar and finally I see why I can't focus. Jazmine's birthday is coming up. We are in February. She's turning fifteen. I remember November last year.

"_Happy birthday Huey!" she says as soon as I open the door, holding a green bag that has 'Happy Birthday' written in the front. "Jazmine, I told you I don't cele" but she cuts me off, "Celebrate birthdays. Or many other holidays for that matter. I know Huey, but I do, and as selfish as that sounds I want to give this to you please" she says, holding out the bag. I notice she's looking down. When did she start doing that? She always looked people in the eye, no matter who they were. How long has she been doing that?_

_I look up and see Tom and Sarah in front of their frontdoor. They're arguing again. They don't know I can lip read. Sarah's telling Tom he doesn't look good and he should rest. She's asking him to not go to work and stay home. I can't see what Tom's saying since he's not facing me. His stance tells me he's tense, possibly angry. He says something to Sarah and her eyes get big, afraid. I feel my body instinctively move forward, going to protect Jazmine's mother. Then Sarah looks at me. Tom turns around and I can see anger change into fear. Sarah smiles and waves. I relax. She seems fine. I shouldn't pry. I have to remind myself this has been going on for years. Sometimes I hear the arguing at night but I'm not able to make out what's being said from inside their house. After everything becomes quiet I assume they just make up, until the next argument. Jazmine will tell me if it ever gets bad. Jazmine. _

"_Huey?" I look down and she's looking at me. I can see her green eyes full of fear. "Jazmine, what's going on?" I ask. Her eyes get big and she looks down again. She puts the bag down on the door step, backups and says, "Everything's fine Huey, just open your present when you get a chance okay". Before I can respond, she turns around, and starts running off to her father's car. Tom's taking her to school today. For some reason I don't like that idea. I shrug it off. _

_We make it through school, thankfully with no one else commenting on my birthday. I made Jazmine promise to not tell anyone about my birthday years ago, and she's kept good on that promise. _

_Finally, home. I walk in to my house, take off my shoes and jacket and place both in the closet. Another day of truly uninformative ninth grade classes. I try to forget the mundane voice of the teacher as she read out loud the reading we were supposed to do on our own the night before. She's correct in believing most of the kids in the class didn't do any of the reading because they either don't care or can't take their eyes off social media long enough to do any required reading. I'm going to make sure I'm in AP classes beginning next year. _

_I walk up the stairs, into my room, and grab my staff from my closet. I need some release before I go off on the next person I see. _

"_McHater!" I hear from behind me. Too late. "What do you need Riley?" I ask, turning around, holding on to the handle of my staff. "Happy birthday ni" but before he finishes, I drop my staff, crouch down placing both palms on the floor, leaning all my weight into my palms, lift both legs up, and swing my right foot out, connecting with both his calves. I hear him fall and start cursing obscenities. _

"_What the hell McHater?!" he says, on the floor, holding on to his legs. "I told you to clean up your side of the room and your language and you've done neither today. And you know I hate remembering this day" I say as I'm getting up, leaning over him. _

"_I just wanted to tell you your ass getting old like gran" but I hit him upside his head before he finishes, causing him to curse, quietly this time. "I'll be in the garage" I tell him as I walk out with my staff._

_After enough time has passed and I can't remember why it's been such a bad day, I leave the confine of the garage, lock up, and go upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. _

_As I'm leaning on my headboard, ready for a full night of sleep, I hear my phone vibrate. I roll my eyes knowing who it is. Only a handful of people have this number and only one would be texting right now. I sit up, grab my phone, and read 'bestie's mom cell' and sigh remembering she saved Sarah's phone number as such in my phone. _

_Text: Happy Birthday bestie. I hope you like your present. _

_Crap. I remember I put it in the closet, on the top shelf, after she ran off in the morning. I groan, get up, and walk downstairs. Why do people celebrate this day? It's just a remembrance of a day we didn't get to choose. A day someone else picked a name for us and we started off in the distasteful world, full of hypocrites and idiots, both of whom are running the country right now. I sigh again. I feel like I've been doing that since I became aware of my existence._

_I get to the closet, grab the bag and start back up the stairs. "Who gave that to you boy?" I hear Grandad say from his chair in the living room. "Jazmine" I say. "Oh, cutie pie. Of course cutie pie would. I don't know how that sunshine is still hanging around such a depressing boy like you" he says. I hear BET playing in the background and roll my eyes. "Goodnight Grandad" I say and take another step up but then I hear him say, "Happy Birthday Huey. Remember they wanted you to be happy". I stop and inhale quickly. I start walking up the stairs again, ready to be alone. _

_I get to my room, shut the door and look at my brother's side of the room, disgusted. He's probably still downstairs in the guest room playing video games. He usually drags himself up here at about midnight. _

'_they wanted you to be happy' _

_I tighten my hold on the bag. Jazmine. I put the bag on my desk and pull out the chair. I sit down and look at the bag, perplexed. I bet she got me another sweater or scarf. I have four different shades of red scarfs in my closet from my last four birthdays, along with other clothing and gadgets she thought I would like. Why does she still bother? I never get her anything for her birthday. How does she think she's selfish by giving me a gift when I never give her one in return? I look down. Maybe I should try for her. I inhale. First I need to open this bag._

_I open it and pull out a soft square object, wrapped in brown paper. Did she get a book this time? But why is it soft? I start unwrapping it cautiously, making sure I don't damnage whatever it is. Then I see it. I leather black journal. Why would she think I need one? I turn it around a few times, feeling the soft leather covering the back and front. It's sturdy but light. The leather is so soft you can leave an indent by just holding it, but as soon as you put it down, the indent or injury leaves, like it was never there. The history of that indent is there, but only a person with a keen eye could see an aftereffect. It feels like, me. I don't know how, but it feels like she bought this thinking about who I am._

_I turn it one last time and decide to open it. I unclasp it and open it to the first page. There's a white envelop inside with 'Huey' written on it in Jazmine's lettering. I put down the journal, grab the envelop, open it and see a letter inside: _

_Dearest Bestie:_

_Thank you. Thank you for the last four years of listening. Thank you for not thinking that I was too naive to hear the truth about this world. And thank you for listening to me about the possibilities of this world. The fact that between your knowledge and my dreams, there's nothing we can't accomplish. Please know that one day, when things are calmer, I'll tell you all there is to know, but for now, know that you will always be my bestie._

_This journal is for you to write all the facts, ideas, and dreams I know you have. The dreams I only get glimpses of here and there. I hope to see them all come true one day. Happy Birthday. _

_Your bestie,_

_Jazmine_

If I would have known back then, months ago, what was going on. How bad it really was. Jazmine. That was last November, so long ago, and I only know now what you meant by 'all there is to know'. Tom. I could've done something. I look down at my desk and see my knuckles turning white from the pressure of my fist. I need to relax. I need to get her a present.

* * *

What do I get her? I know she's not into pink as much as she used to be. She stopped talking about horses a long time ago. Sammy Davis Jr. I look down and shake my head. Then I remember I'm in a busy mall and need to be aware of my surroundings. I look up and see a heavy-set woman with three kids struggling to keep them in line. "I told ya'll to stay together" she says. She looks exhausted. They pass me, and I look back to see them continue their way to the exit doors. Then I see they pass a store I had not considered. I remember I have only so much money saved from work I've done around the neighborhood and money relatives from Chicago sent for my birthday.

I think of that journal that's filled a quarter through with quotes, ideas, facts, numbers, dates, names, and everything that will one day be used in my fight for my people. My fight for that woman with three kids and how much I know she struggles to put food on the table and keep the lights on. How much thought Jazmine put into that gift. I feel my legs take long and purposeful steps towards that store.

I come out of the store. I think she'll like it. I know it'll look good on her. Focus Huey. I can finally get out of here. Other than being on a soap box or behind a podium speaking the truth so many wish to not hear, I've never liked being in crowds. A person can be logical, but crowds are incredibly stupid. I start walking towards the same exit I saw that woman leaving with her kids.

"Huey?" I hear from behind me. I know exactly who that is, not only because of how irritating her voice is but because I saw her when I came out of the store and hoped she wouldn't see me. I keep walking towards the exit. I hear her run up next to me. "Huey?" she says again, trying to keep up with my steps. "Can we talk Huey?" she says.

"I don't know what we have to talk about" I respond. I know she was rude to Jazmine. I don't care much about female drama, but I do care about people treating her with respect.

"Well, I think I told you at school that I wanted to introduce myself" she says. I feel my skin crawl. "You did already" I tell her, hoping we're done. No such luck.

"Well, yes, I tried, but your little friend was being rude and very" she starts. I stop walking. She continues to walk ahead and turns to see I'm no longer next to her. She turns around and walks up to me. "Huey?" she says.

"I'm not sure where you come off addressing me like we know each other. We just met, and I don't even remember your name" I say. I see her eyes get big and then become slits. I guess she's used to being remembered.

"What do you mean you don't remember me?" she says. I can tell she's angry, but I don't care enough. "My name is Ashley McNeil and we go to the same school and I just thought that maybe we could be friends, but that little friend of yours, Jessica, or whatever, is always around you and whenever I come around she acts like I'm trying to steal you away from her! And I know you two aren't dating! So, why can't we get to know each other!" she finishes almost screaming.

"Because you act crazy" says a woman holding a boy's hand as she walks pass us. "Excuse me!" She screams at the woman, grabs my arm and starts pulling me in the direction of the food court. As much of a gentleman family tried to instill in me, I stop, letting her stumble forward with the strength she was using to pull. She looks back, dumbfounded.

"Wow, you are strong" she says, catching her breath. Then she smiles, looks me up and down, and I can feel my eyebrows rise.

I turn around, heading back to the exit. I feel her cold hand grab my arm. "Huey, I just want to" she starts. I can hear Grandad saying there are times there is no reasoning with people. I don't have time for this. Jazmine's birthday is tomorrow, and I still have to wrap her gift. I need to close this off and get back to what's important.

"Ashley, if that's your name, I don't care to get to know you. I do not appreciate anyone disrespecting my friends, which you did to Jazmine. Not let go" I say without looking back at her. I can feel her hand slip away. I take a step forward. "I'll have you Huey" I hear her say. I stop, hearing the aggressiveness in her voice, and needing to make myself clear. "Don't get near Jazmine or me again" I say and head for the exit ready to get out of this place.

* * *

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Jazmine" they all sing. I refuse to join in. There are some things I won't do. I just won't. That includes singing this song.

Jazmine blows out the candles, but not before I notice how her eyes sparkle more today than they have in a long time. Then Grandad turns the lights back on in our dinning room and I see him head back to the table, leaning on his cane for support. He started using it more this year but swears he can still 'handle sweet thangs if they come his way'. I tell myself all I can do is make sure he always has his orange juice waiting for him in the fridge.

"Open ma birthday present first sis!" Cindy says, handing Jazmine a bag with 'fantastic' written on the front. "Cindy, you know I love you and I don't need a present from you ever" Jazmine responds, not grabbing the present. "Jazzy, if you don't take this present I swear on my loving deceased granny I won't talk to your ass" but she's cut off by Sarah, "sweetie don't ever let me find out you're not talking to your sister." I see Cindy look away, embarrassed. "I knows mama, but make her accept the present" Cindy says, still looking away.

"Okay, okay, let me have it sis" says Jazmine. Cindy turns to look at Jazmine. "Here sis and I don't want you saying nothing 'bout not using it" she says. I see Jazmine's fine eyebrows rise. "Okay Cin" she says and opens the bag. She pulls out an all-black hello kitty bag, almost identical to the one she uses right now, minus the white parts, this one having "Jazzy" in thick handwritten purple letters embroidered on the front pocket with a purple J hanging from the front zipper.

"Cin" Jazmine says. "Look sis, you said you'd accept it so just do it k" Cindy says. "Cin" Jazmine says, then looks up, drops the bag, and hugs Cindy. "I love it! Thank you! Thank you!" she says.

"Okay, now my turns ni" but Grandad slaps Riley upside the head before he can finish. "damnn, was just saying" he mutters, and hands a bag to Cindy. "Riley, it ain't ma bur" she starts. "I know Cin, just give it to Jazmine since you next to her" he says, looking away, uncomfortable. I don't think I've ever seem my brother embarrassed.

Cindy looks at Riley and I can see her eyebrows rise at what I assume is the same thought I'm having. "Okay Jazzy, I guess this here from Riles" she says and hands the bag to Jazmine. "Thank you Riley" Jazmine says and smiles directly at my brother even though he's still looking away. She opens the bag and pulls out a new black and orange bb gun. Her eyes get big, as well as everyone else's in the room, watching her hold the gun. I stare, surprised. I didn't know Riley cared that much.

"Boy, I outta beat you with my belt right now! Why would you give such a thing to cutie pie?!" Grandad says. I stay quiet to see if Riley can explain what I think is his thought process. "Well, why the hell not!?" Riley shouts back at Grandad. "Riley, don't scream at Grandad" I say. "But Huey! You know why! You knows she gots to learn to shoot! Cindy already know how! But Jazmine don't!" he says, looking directly at me. Grandad interjects, "Riley, you cannot be giving cutie pie no weapon" but Riley doesn't let him finish, saying, "you'll all forgot about that asshole Mark!" I see Riley stand up, pushing his chair back with enough force that it falls back. "And what if that pussy Tom come back! What if he try to hurt 'em! What if he try to take" he says but doesn't finish, looking down. Riley's eyes seem to get watery.

I hear her chair screech as she stands up and know she's moving towards him. Jazmine gets to Riley, stands next to him, making sure he knows it's her I think. Then she opens her arms and wraps them around him. "Thank you Riley" she says. I see his fist open and relax.

"Riley, you take that gun back now boy" Grandad says. "Robert, I think it's a good idea" says Sarah and the entire room turns to look at her.

"Sarah, I don't like Cindy and Jazzy holding weapons like these boys do. Really, I don't like that these boys play with those things, but they don't ever listen to their Grandad" he says, and I can feel both my brother and I roll our eyes.

"But Robert, with all due respect, knowing that it's possible they might come back, that the police might not keep them away, and knowing Huey and Riley won't always be there, as well as myself, maybe it would be a good idea" Sarah continues.

"I can teach 'em Grandad" Riley says. I see Grandad roll his eyes. "Boy if anyone teaching these cutie pies to shoot it's gonna be your brother" he says.

"I will teach them safety protocol first and then we can practice on dummies" I say. Grandad looks at me. I can see what he's thinking. "No Grandad, I didn't mean Riley would be a dummy" I say. Everyone laughs but I see Grandad breathe, a little relieved.

"Hell yeah! Now I can practice with ma sis!" Cindy says. I look at Jazmine, standing next to my brother, see her forest green eyes deepen to a darker shade as she stares at me. I feel something warm growing in my stomach. "Next present!" Cindy says.

She gets a sweater from Grandad and a purse from Sarah. "What 'bout you McHater? Didn't get nothing for your girl?" Riley says. I feel my face get warm. Grandad needs to fix the air conditioner before summer.

"That's none of your business Riley" I say, looking at him, ready to pounce. "Oh I see" he says and smiles, "you trying to be all gay 'bout it and give it to her later. A'ight brother." I take one step forward, hear a screech to my right, take a second step, and just as I'm about to grab him, I feel both her warm hands touch my right fist.

"Why don't we all go to the living room and listen to some music?" Jazmine says, catching her breath, after running from one end of the table to the other to try to stop the inevitable.

"That's a great idea!" Sarah says. "Come on everyone let's go to the living room. First one there can pick the first song" she continues. I see my brother smile triumphantly, but I can see the sweat on his forehead. Cindy grabs his arm and starts pulling him, "common Riles before you cause trouble on ma sister's birthday" she says. He smiles, like he thinks he got away with something, and follows Cindy to the living room.

One by one, Cindy, Riley, Sarah, and Grandad all walk out of the room, leaving Jazmine and I alone. I take a breath I didn't know I was holding in. I feel her warm hands still holding my hand. I look down at her hands, then look up to see her face. We haven't been this close all day. The moment they got here, we came straight into the dining room to eat and cut the cake. She brought a vegetarian dish for me. I swallow. "Thank you for making the dish" I say. I see her cheeks tint red. Is she nervous?

"Mom helped me with it and I knew with Grandad making dinner tonight, you were either going to go hungry or eat nothing but my mother's salad" she says. I smell the strawberry lip gloss she had on earlier today. Where's that canteen of water when I need it?

Then I remember, "but I didn't see Sarah's car in the driveway most of the morning" I respond. I see her cheeks go from a tinted red to completely red. I can feel my smirk coming on, knowing I caught her. "Well she helped me prepping the ingredients last night, but most of the cooking was done today" she looks away now, still holding my hand. "And it wasn't really hard. I just followed the directions and made sure to not leave the kitchen" she finishes, still looking away and still holding my hand.

"Jazmine, African peanut stew is one the most complex dishes to make" I say, and I can't help but smirk, seeing her this embarrased. I also notice the two clips on her hair match what I think is her burgundy colored dress. Her face is almost the same color as her dress now.

"Well I just wanted you to eat Huey" she says, let's go of my hand and starts to walk towards the hallway. I move forward before she takes a second step, grabbing that same hand that was just holding my own, cursing my body for acting out before I can process what I'm doing. Why do I lose my self-control around her? When did this start happening and better yet, how do I stop it? She looks back, still flustered. "Bestie, they're waiting for us" she says. She doesn't know I know she calls me that when she wants to distract me.

I take a long breath, trying to give myself the courage to do something so simple I'm sure I'll want to kick myself later for how challenging it feels right now. "I want to give you something" I say.

"Huh?" she says, and I see her eyes blink, once, twice, before they get big, realizing.

"Why Huey? You don't have to give me anything for my birthday. I know you don't celebrate birthdays and you've already done so much for" but I stop her by saying, "Jazmine don't make this harder for me than it is." Why am I nervous? Is it because she might not like it? Focus Huey. "Huey" she starts again. "Jazmine, let me finish before I can't say it" I tell her. Why is this so hard? I shake my head, trying to remember what I wanted to say. I let go of her hand and she turns to face me. I take that as my cue and continue, "I just want to give you something, not because you were born fifteen years ago today, but because I want to give you something, and it just happens that it's on this day okay."

Her mouth opens, then closes. Can she sense I'm struggling? I try to keep feelings, which ever they are I feel, to myself. I don't want to put anything on anyone else. Why can't I reel them in around her?

The coloring in her eyes becomes that deep forest green. After a few more seconds she smiles, one of those reserved for me. I put my hand in my right pocket, feel the box, turn it once in my hand, and pull it out. I'm grateful it was small enough I could hide it from Riley and Grandad by keeping it on me all of yesterday and today. I open my hand and she looks down to see the small box wrapped in the brown paper. She looks back up at me and I see the confusion in her eyes. She's wearing the jade earrings. Good.

"What is it bestie?" she asks. "You have to open it to figure that out Jazmine" I respond and feel my right eyebrow rise. She looks back down to it and slowly extends her small hand over the box. I feel the tip of her nails and fingers as she grabs it. She starts working on unwrapping it, slowly, trying to not destroy the paper. She knows.

"You kept the brown paper I used for your present" she says, as she works on unwrapping it. I knew she would figure it out. "It was good paper" I tell her. I see her small smile. "You also liked your present" she says. I roll my eyes but don't respond.

She finally removes the paper, moves to the dinning room table, and puts it down, before returning with the yellow box in hand. She looks up at me and I can see her swallow. Why is she nervous? She might not even like it. She looks back down and removes the top cover of the box.

It's been ten seconds, I counted, and she hasn't said a damn word. "Jazmine" I say. Maybe she doesn't like it. I try again, "Jazmine". Still, nothing. I can tell she's breathing though. I can return it if she doesn't like the color and I tell her, "Jazmine, if you don't like it" but she cuts me off with a soft, "I love it". Her eyes finally look up at me. I can see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Crap, crying. I made her cry on her birthday and finally when things were settling down for everyone. "Look Jazmine, if you don't like it, I can return" but she again, surprises me, and jumps up to hug me. My body stiffens. Her arms around my neck are shaking. I don't hear sniffles. Good. But I can feel the tears on my shirt. "Jazmine, if you like it, why are you" I start, worried, but I can hear I sound annoyed. "I love it" she says into my neck. I can feel her warm breath and that feeling in my stomach starts to grow again. So, I do what feels right, and wrap my arms around her lower back.

I have never cared about what people see when they look me, at least not after she started looking at me, started to spend those evenings on the hill listening to my ideas and conspiracy theories. Started to ask questions to better understand what it was I meant with every quote that meant anything to me. Why should I care what the world thinks of me hugging her? She is my best friend, even if I won't say it out loud ever.

"Can you put it on me?" she says. "Jazmine, you can" but she cuts me off, breathing into my neck, "please Huey." Damn it to hell. "Fine, let me have it" I say.

She pulls away, and I see the stream of tears on her red cheeks. She hands me the box. "Careful or it might fall" she says. I look up at her, "really Jazmine?" She looks down. "Well it's really nice and I don't want it falling" she says. She likes it. I exhale.

"Turn around" I say. She smiles and does so, turning around completely and lifting her hair. I unclasp the necklace, put it around her neck, and clasp it again, leaving my hands on her shoulders. I remember how it felt to have my chin on her shoulder. Why did I do that? Is that something friends or even best friends do? At that moment it felt right, like hugging her right now did. Then I remember I have never cared what the world deems as right or wrong when it comes to my personal life. As far as the world is concerned, it's going to take a lot of work on my end to be more than just another black man, but to her, I can be just what I am right now and that is enough.

"Huey?" she says and turns around. I only lift my hands for a second before I place them on the top of her shoulders again, facing her. I've never cared what people think. She's been my best friend the moment I returned from that funeral, and even before that, so why care now. I never noticed, maybe because we've never been this close facing each other, she has small, almost unnoticeable freckles on her nose.

"Sis!" we hear from the living room and both jump back. "Let's go bestie" she says and dashes out the room. I roll my eyes and follow.

As I enter the living room, I hear the gasp. "It's beautiful sweetheart! Did Huey get that for you?" Sarah says. I stand by the doorway, ready to leave the moment they start asking too many questions. "Yes mom, Huey got it for me" she says. I can feel my face getting hotter. Really need to talk to Grandad about the air conditioning in this house with summer fast approaching.

"Damn McHater, you really went all out for ma sis. I mean it's so pretty" I hear Cindy say. Everyone looks at her like she grew a second head, and maybe she did. "Well you'll know it's nice. It's a white gold necklace with a teardrop jade piece hanging off it! I mean I'm down but I know ma jewelry" she finishes. Everyone continues to look at Cindy, perplexed, except Sarah who gives her a small smile.

Riley decides to save Cindy and be Riley, "Yeah, McHater, now everyone at your school gonna know Jazmine's your gi" but he doesn't finish, thanks to my shoe connecting to his face. "Damn McHater, you a punk" he says, holding on to his nose.

"Now don't be talking about cutie pie like that boy" says Grandad. "We all know sunshine and that depressing boy over there just friends" Grandad continues. "Now are we going to listen to some music because I want to listen to some good classical jazz from ma time?" he says, and for once I'm grateful he said something. "Grandad, I don't wanna listen to no old people" Riley tries to say, holding on to his nose. "You go clean yourself up boy and then you can choose a song" Grandad says.

It goes on all night, until the girls start getting tired. Grandad's advice on anything from washing the dishes with no soap to how to run the car on fumes to work for a week without having it breakdown; Sarah's motherly voice telling Jazmine and what feels like her adopted daughter Cindy how much she loves them; Riley telling everyone how much money and cars he'll have one day with Cindy smacking him over the head every time he mentions 'them hoes'; and Jazmine laughing, listening more than talking as I noticed how much I miss her talking.

I sit there, remembering how long it's been since we had a night like this. Since Jazmine was over here this late. Since Tom was no longer in their lives. How, when I saw that teardrop shape jade, I knew it matched her morning eyes. How Monday we start working after school and how the worry I feel inside is slowly dissipating but will continue to check the cameras on a weekly basis and keep a tab on Jazmine and Sarah's whereabouts, just as Riley told me he's doing with Cindy. I remember my journal and everything there is still to write. And I watch her, taking in as much as I can, knowing no Tom or Mark or any other imbecile will hurt her or her peace as long as I'm around.


	9. Family and Grounded

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Hello everyone. I hope all of you are having as much fun reading this story as I am having writing it. Thank you to all my friends/co-fanfiction writers who support me every step of the way.

UrbanSpurgeon: Thank you for your comment. I'm happy you feel like that about this story. I love writing every sentence because it all leads to actions and feelings and bringing to life these characters while we wait for Season 5.

This following chapter will be a bit dark, but I feel mostly sad. There's a point to it though. I want to show change and growth and mostly connection. I feel as people we connect best with others through common experience and understanding and acceptance of each other's past. I promise, as QueenIsrael12573 is doing with her story, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that light can be so much stronger than the darkness.

Thank you Joice for being there for me since day 1 with the boondocks fun. Thank you Dajah for letting me follow in your footsteps.

CHAPTER 9:

It feels like an out of body experience. Like I'm light and can fly, but also ungrounded, ready to come crashing down. It sounds childish to me, all of it. To feel like this just because one person is out of my life, but it does.

Something only my sister and I know is that mom was covering her beauty for many years. She was always a beautiful woman, but she had to wear so much heavy makeup, foundation, powder, lipstick, to hide the shadows under the eyes, the paleness of her skin. Those bruises. Those bruises. No one really knows just how it really was, only Cindy. She was always there, at times begging me to let her out of my room, where we were locked in, saying that between us two we could take him. We could tackle him to the ground and run away with mom. We were twelve when it started getting that bad. I was twelve. Cindy was eleven. My sister has always been a few months younger than me. I would tell her that we probably could take him, but he was still my father and people would find out. People finding out was exactly what my father didn't want, and yes, it shouldn't matter what he wanted, but if people found out, he would get angry. And if he was angry and around, that anger would always be directed at mom. She would always take the brunt of the anger. We wanted to protect her, my sister and me. We wanted to protect mom. That's why we kept quiet. If people found out and mom decided to stay with him, he could. No, he would get worse. Worse with her. I couldn't bear to know mom was in that much pain. So, we both stayed quiet.

"Do you think his punk ass will eva come back sis?" she says, laying under our covers. "I don't know, but I know mom's finally done and that's what matters" I reply. "That was the only reason we didn't say anything. Just afraid she might not leave and then he would get" I can't finish. I can feel my nose start to get stuffy and my chest rise with what I know is coming.

"Jazzy, don't" she says. I feel her shift, then feel her arm over my body and she hugs me. "He was a punk and he don't deserve mom's faith in him" she says. I can feel the top of her forehead on my shoulder. "I just don't want him coming back Cin" I say. "And, I feel this is wrong of me, but I just don't want him coming back ever" I say, quietly, like it's a sin to not want a destructive father.

And then, I feel it, the avalanche. The crashing. I'm crashing. I can't help it. I can't breathe. I just. I was so scared. So many times, pushing mom and me seeing her one day falling down those stairs, getting hurt. I feel Cindy holding me tighter as she lets me cry. Sob. Why am I crying now? Why? He's been gone for months. I just want him to stay away. I want this life. I'm so happy now. Cindy living with us, mom happy, Huey being my best friend, and Riley and Grandad making me laugh always. I want this life. I'm so happy. Why am I sobbing? I can feel my body shaking. I can't stop it. What's wrong with me?

"It's okay Jazzy. I love you" I hear my sister say. I hear the door open and the lights flood the room. I can't stop it, the crying, the sobbing, the need for air. There's a weight on the left side of the bed and I feel mom's warmth engulf us. She's hugging us so tight. I just want this. "Baby, I love you. Both your sister and I love you" she says. "Huey, Riley, Grandad, we all love you honey" I hear in mom's sweet voice. I think of the warm honey grandma gave me that winter I went to visit, and I got a sore throat from playing out in the rain. It was tea, with honey and spice and a little lemon. Warm and heavy, coating my throat with a soothing feeling. Just like that. Mom and Cindy hugging me feels just like that. I'm so happy. Please don't come back Tom. Please stay away.

* * *

I think taking the morning off is good. Last night was, hard. I don't know why I had that breakdown, but it felt okay. Like the crashing needed before a redo, to check the engines and refuel the airplane before attempting another lift off. I needed it. But, am I grounded? Am I on sturdy ground now that he's gone? I remember my sister and mom held me until I fell asleep. My rocks. Then I woke up this morning to pancakes and my grandma's tea in the kitchen. I guess they let me sleep in even though it's a school day, it being Friday.

"When you start watching the news?" my sister says as she sits next to me on the couch with her cup of tea. "I don't know, I just want to be informed I guess" I tell her. It's good to know what's going on in the world even if I don't completely understand it all. I look over at her and see her nose scrunched up. She's trying to figure something out. "What?" I ask. "I 'on't know Jazzy, maybe you are sick" she says, and puts her hand on my forehead. "Really, sis, I just want to know what's going on" I tell her. She takes her hand away and says, "whateve" then goes back to drinking her tea with her nose still scrunched up. I can't help but smile at how much she resembles Riley when she's confused.

"Where are my two loves?" mom says as she walks in to the living room, wearing the pajamas and yellow slippers my sister and I got her for her birthday last year. She's holding her own cup of honey tea in one hand and the newspaper in the other. "Well we right here mama but Jazzy acting weird watching the news and all" Cindy says. I feel my eyebrow rise and look at my sister.

Then mom laughs. The world is okay after all. I feel happy hearing that sound. It feels like what grounded should feel like.

Mom places her cup on the table next to the opposing chair and sits down, facing us. "You two resemble those two boys so much sometimes" she says. "Who?" Cindy and I say at the same time. Mom laughs through her nose, harder this time. Cindy and I look at each other and I see my sister's face grow red, realizing. I feel my face get warmer. Huey.

"But we're not going to talk about that today" mom says, smiling again, before taking a sip from her tea and placing it back down on the small table. "Today, I want us to spend the whole day together." That sounds like so much fun, but I can't. I say, "Mom, you know I'm going to the nursing home later today."

"Yes honey, but I called the main office today, talked to Ms. Lola and told her you were feeling sick and wouldn't be volunteering and she'll let the nursing home now. I also told her both of you were staying home from school" she says, like it's nothing.

"But mom, I can't just not go" I tell her. All the residents I've met expect me to be there and Huey. Does Huey know I won't be there? "And yes, baby, I texted Huey and I know your sister already told Riley that you two are staying home" she says, giving me her knowing smile. I swallow, taken aback. So, a real day off.

"But mama" I start, knowing this must be about last night and not wanting her to worry. "I know last night I kind of had a bad moment but I'm fine now. We should go to school, even if it's late, and I need to go do my service work" I say.

"Jazzy you're not okay" Cindy starts. "Hold on honey, let me say something first" my mom cuts in. We both hold our breath, waiting for mom to speak.

This is the woman that put herself countless times in the line of fire for us. The woman that we both heard crying in the bathroom every few weeks, sometimes every few days. Then ten minutes later would come out, looking fresh and beautiful, to not cause anyone grief, not knowing we could hear her from the hallway. This went on for almost three years. This is the woman that took custody of my sister last month, not only in spirit, but now in name, after her parents went missing for two months, only to be found vacationing in Paris without a care in the world, not caring about their fourteen-year-old daughter one bit. It was right after my birthday, when it became public knowledge that they were bankrupt from their life style and heavy partying. For god's sake, the house was a mess and Cindy didn't want anyone to know. There was no food in the fridge and the utilities hadn't been paid for months. There was no electricity and the water was only running because Cindy's parents found it necessary to take showers when they felt they needed to 'clean up' from their partying. Then, there was the paraphernalia: the needles, the bottles, the pill cases, all over the house when we went to pick her up and the last of her things. So many, I couldn't stand to look at so much. That last time Cindy hadn't had a chance to clean up before we went, like she had so many other times before I would show up to her house. Mom grabbed her, strapped her in the back seat with me holding her the whole way home. My Cindy.

Cindy only told me about her parents' heavy drug use the first night she slept here, after mom became her temporary guardian. I knew about the partying, but I didn't know just how much they were doing or that they were using those kinds of drugs. She felt embarrassed, ashamed, that those were her parents. That she was connected to them. That night mom and I did for her exactly what they did for me last night, held her tight, reminding her of how much we love her, until she fell asleep. I don't know if I'll ever know the extent of how bad it was in that house, not truly, seeing as the only times her parents were around was when they were coming down and needed to meet their dealer at a secure location. Now I know why I only slept there a hand full of times, Cindy always asking to sleep here saying she loved being around mom and her sister, me. The cleaning up before I would show up to her house, so I wouldn't know how bad it was, must have been so hard for her. She must have been so lonely. My Cindy.

I grab my sister's hand and hold it tight. She looks at me, gives me a genuine smile, and turns back to mom. Mom is also the woman who might have pulled a few strings again to take Cindy away from those horrible people and adopt her in less than a week after becoming her temporary guardian. Our mother does everything by the book but for her daughters' safety she'll do anything that's necessary. We hold our breath to hear her say whatever it is she wants to say.

"Mama, what is it?" I say, holding on to my sister's hand. Mom looks down at our hands, looks back up, and says, "It's been hard these last few months hasn't it, these last few years." It's a statement more than a question.

She inhales and continues, "But it's been worth it to see that." We both follow where she's looking and see she's staring at our hands. "I want you both to know that I love you" she says. "And I want both of you to know that I will do everything in my being to keep the life we have today." I feel my chest rise, feeling so much pride to be part of this family.

"That's why as of last week, I am a divorcee" she finishes.

I'm sure we both stopped breathing. We look at each other and I feel my eyes get as big as saucers, like my sisters. Then we turn back to mom. One, two, three seconds and both my sister and I run to mom and hug her, almost tipping her back in the single sofa chair. "Really mom?" I hear myself say over and over. Really? Really? They're divorced. "Mama so he ain't coming back, he gave you the divorce?" Cindy asks. I hear my mom's angelic laugh. "Yes, my loves. He didn't show to court and the judge granted the divorce immediately" she says, and I can see tears in the corner of her eyes. Happy tears. So, it's over. He doesn't own us? He just left. Really?

And then it hits me. Why? He was so controlling, and I just don't get it. "Mama?" I say, still holding on to her. She looks at me. "But why mama?" I ask. "He was so" but I don't finish, knowing she knows where I'm going with this.

"Well, there is more to it" she says, and my sister and I look at each other, crawl off mom, and stand. "Okay" I say, and ask "What's the more part mama?" I see mom purse her lips and look away. She breathes in and continues, "Apparently there was a letter he sent to the judge, thinking because they had known each other in the past, he could threaten the judge into not giving me the divorce and asking to take you" she says. I feel myself get dizzy. "What" I say. "Honey, everything's fine, sit down" she says, and I feel my sister and mom pulling me back down to the couch.

After I take a sip of water, I look up at her and tell her to continue. She's on her knees, between my sister and I, as we sit on the couch, holding our hands. "Well, he threatened the judge and because of that the judge felt we were in danger ourselves, enough that the restraining order has been extended until each one of you turns eighteen, at which time you can request to have the order extended again. Tom can fight it but as of right now he has no legal right to you" she says, looking at me. I can feel myself shaking. "Jazzy" I hear to my right. I look over and see Cindy's concerned face. I swallow. "I'm okay sis, just didn't expect to react like that" I say, and it's true. I didn't know hearing Tom want to take me from my mom and sister and the Freemans would instill so much fear in me.

My mom continues, "I don't know exactly what that letter said, but there's a pending investigation." She looks down, sad I think. "I didn't want you to grow up without a father and I stayed too long" she says to the ground, maybe ashamed. My mom. How do I tell you that you did all you could? How do I tell you that you did more than enough to try to save him? How do I tell you that you have been both my mom and dad for several years now? You tucked me in every night for the last few years. You took me to all my doctor's appointments and ballet classes, even when you were tired from taking care of him all night. Those ballet classes. It feels like I've forgotten so many things that happened.

_"Why is she even in ballet?" I hear my dad say. "Because it's good for her social skills Tom. Please, don't make this into a fight. The classes are already paid for by my mother, so it doesn't affect us finan" and then I hear the sound of the sofa as he stands. _

_"Tom, please sit down. You're still a littl__e dizzy from last night" my mother says, from the other side of the living room, but I can't see where she is. "I'm not dizzy Sarah! I'm just a little drunk still and it's because of all this stress!" he yells. And then I hear my mom's voice, a little closer to where he is now, "Please Tom, just sit down before you hurt your" but he cuts her off, "All you care about is money and how much we have of it and that's why you put her in those damn classes, to show them how white you all are! How rich you all are!" he screams._

_I realize I've taken two steps down the stair case from the second floor of our house without knowing it. I had come down to get some orange juice before getting ready for school. Then I hear this. I know I shouldn't, but I need to be a little closer in case she needs me. _

_"Tom, I care about our daughter being happy and those classes make her happy" she says. They do. I have friends in my ballet class. They're all nice girls. They like me I think. We were talking about going to the water park this summer. I hear my mother's voice again, tired, "Please Tom, you only know of it now because you saw the schedule they mailed. It really didn't affect you because I'm taking her to those classes myself and it's only been going on for a couple of weeks" she says._

_"You been lying to me for weeks?! Not saying a god damn word of any of this?!" he says. I hear a horrible sound, something being hit. I hear something fall to the floor. My mama. I can feel my nose getting stuffy and my chest filling up with something. It fills up like that right before I can't stop the avalanche. I inhale and shut my eyes. I don't want to hear this. I don't want this happening. I don't want this. Please, someone, stop it. Please. _

_"Tom, please" I hear her say, softly. "Please, just let me take her. I always pick her up right after and bring her home and she loves it so much" but he cuts her off, "Sarah, I want her and you home when I'm at work, unless she's in school" he says, lower this time. _

_"But Tom, why? Why don't you trust me? I have never been unfaithful to you. Whatever you think happened with Usher is only in your head and you have never let it go. Nothing happened. I married you and I have always loved you. Please Tom, believe me" she's crying now. _

_"I know Sarah and that's why I can't let you go" he says, so low I can barely hear it. I hold my breath. _

_"What? But if you believe me why all this control Tom? Why? Why all this hate towards me?" she asks. "Because Sarah" and I can hear the seriousness in his voice, "You'll leave me as soon as you find another one that's richer, just like they'll replace me with a white one as soon as they can find one that'll accept the pay I live with" he says. "You're just like them, like all of them. And she's going to become like you, just another whore willing to do anything for money" he says. _

_Then it's quiet. What's going on? I hear some shuffling of clothes and my mom whimpers. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. When did I start crying? I had been focusing on hearing for some time now and stopped doing anything else, including paying attention to my now blurry vision. _

_"Tom" she says, louder this time and with the sweetness of her voice gone. "You will not call her that. Say what you want of me, but not her. You keep her out of our arguments from now on or I'll leave" she says. I didn't know my mom could be so serious with him. _

_"Sarah don't do this" he says. "Tom, I'm not doing anything. I'm just warning you. I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. She still needs her father and for whatever damn reason I still love you but know that I won't play into this anymore. If you start talking about her, I will go to my mother's and you won't see us anymore" she says, and I want to believe her so much. I want us to go now. _

_Then it's quiet again. Too long. Why is it still quiet? What's happening? Does she need me? I can help, I know I can. Mama._

_And then I hear my father laugh and I think I hear him sit back on the couch. "Sarah, Sarah, Sarah" he says in between laughs, "you won't leave me, and I won't let you go." I inhale, the tears on my face long forgotten. "But you know what, since you so hate me reminding you of exactly how similar you two are, I'll stop talking about our 'sweet little daughter' but you two better be home when I come home and stay looking your best at all time. I don't need them knowing how much of a whore you are. Now leave, I want to relax and get ready for work" he says._

_"Tom, please, stay home. Our love life might not be the same anymore, but I still care. So please, rest. You came home so late last night and you're still drunk. I can fix you break" but he cuts her off, "Sarah, leave!" and I jump back. _

_I hear her sigh and then her steps as she starts walking out of the living room. I freeze. I just can't move. I want to, but I just want to see her. I want to know she's okay. I see her walk out of the living room and I feel myself start to breathe again. I see her eyes cast down, then turns slowly to the left and looks up. Her eyes get big. I blink to get rid of the tears, so I can see her face. _

_She starts walking up the stairs, slowly, asking me to be quiet without having to say anything. She finally gets to me and I look down and I can't help but put my face in her chest, letting the tears fall. I feel her warmth surround me and then kiss the top of my head and whisper, "Let's go to your room sweetheart." I nod._

_When we finally get to my room, I walk in, sit on my bed, and look down at my hands on my lap. I hear the door close, her steps as she walks up to me, and then see her slippers, reminding myself that I should get her new slippers. Maybe yellow, her favorite color. Her birthday just passed so maybe next year. I'll talk to Cindy about it. I know she wanted to get her a new pajama set. Cindy. She's the only one that knows. _

_"Baby" she says. I don't look up. I'm embarrassed that I listened in when she's told me many times that when it happens I'm to come to my room and lock myself in here. I'm only thirteen. Why is this happening? I can't even tell my best friend, knowing he might do something to my dad. But doesn't my dad deserve to be treated the way he treats us? Don't I love him anymore? Is that love? The way he treats my mom? What is love? I'm so confused._

_"My baby" she says, and kneels in front of me, using her hand to lift my chin. As soon as I see those big blue eyes, with those bags under them, and the pale skin that's no longer healthy looking around them, I can't help it. The tears start up again and this time they won't stop. _

_She let's go of my chin and I feel her arms, her warmth, surround me. I cry. And cry. She doesn't. I don't know how she doesn't cry. She's so strong. _

_"Baby, I love you" she says. I can't breathe now. Why won't it stop? The crying, the fighting, the bruises on my mama. Why won't it all stop? "Baby listen to me okay" she says. I nod, trying to breathe in between my crying into her neck. "He loves us baby. I know he does. But know that I will never let him hurt you, if he ever gets that close. I will always be there, in front of you, because I'm your mother and that's what mothers do. He just needs help" she says. I want to believe her, so I do. _

"Jazmine" she says. My mom. My savior. My vision clears, and I see her clear baby blue eyes. "Jazzy?" I hear to my right. I turn and see another set of blue eyes, but a deeper ocean blue. My sister. I smile. "I'm okay, just memories" I reply. That's all they are, memories. I see her eyes smile at me and she says, "I have 'em to sis. I hate 'em, but we gonna be okay." She's right. When did she get so mature? My little sister.

"We will get through this together my loves" and we both look at her. Our savior. Mama. She smiles at us. I wonder if she sees the love we have for her. This feels like what grounded is.

* * *

After a day at the mall, getting our eyebrows and nails done and trimming our hair, we head home. We each got a new pair of jeans at Lucky Brand and a few shirts at Old Navy.

"Mama, can we eat something with meat tonight, please" I hear my sister say from the front seat. I hear our mom laugh and hear her say, "Okay but I think your sister might have something to say to that." And I do.

"Cin" I start, but she cuts me off, "Jazzy, please, pretty please, you ma every every everything, please, I just want some meat" Cindy says. I roll my eyes and feign exhaustion. It's my night to pick dinner and I just happen to really like vegetarian dishes. I'm not totally against meat like when I was younger, which only lasted a week after the chicken flu epidemic. Spending those days in the Freeman house during the epidemic was fun. That was before it got bad at home. I sigh. I wonder how my bestie is doing, the boy that let me into his house that day. I haven't seen him all day.

"Jazzy" I hear my sister say and I look up. "You're supposed to be spending time with me and mama so stop thinking 'bout McHater" she says, as she's turned her upper body to look at me from the front seat. I can see her forehead crease. "I wasn't thinking about Huey" I say, and I can already feel my cheeks getting warm. "Sure sugar plum" she says, and she gives me one of those Freeman smirks. She must have picked it up from Riley. And then I think of my comeback, "Like you weren't looking at your phone all day to see if Riley texted you." I see her smirk disappear and turns back to face the dashboard, but not before her own cheeks start getting red.

That was mean. "I'm sorry sis" I start, and stop, realizing we both apologized at the same time using the same exact words. The car erupts in laughter.

We finally walk into the house, tired, but happy. We decided on a take-out place with vegetarian dinner options. I got a chopped kale power salad with lemon tahini dressing. Something new. Cindy got a chicken salad, saying she needs to stay healthy to keep up on the basketball team, but she can't let go of her love for chicken. Mom got a simple salad with salmon. We put our bags with our dinners on the dining room table, leaving the bags with our new clothes in the hallway. Mom used to tell me to put my things away as soon as I got home, but I'm starting to think that was only because my father, I mean Tom, would get really mad if he tripped on anything in the hallway. Mom's so relaxed now. I love my life.

We sit down and start eating. After dinner we wash up and head upstairs with our new clothes to our shared room. At least that's what I call it. My sister still calls it my room, but I keep telling her it's our room and I already moved most of my old clothes out to give to the shelter, giving her room to place all her clothes in the drawers.

"Loves, come into my room first, I want to ask you something" mom says. My sister and I stop and look at each other, perplexed, but then shrug our shoulders and follow. I thought she had already told us everything she wanted to tell us, but maybe there's more.

We walk into what used to be mom and my father's bedroom. His things are gone; in a box in the room we use as a storage room and mom's home office that faces my room. The wedding pictures are still up, but I can't fault mom for that. She loved him. I just don't look at them.

We all sit on the bed and we both look at mom. "I know this is all moving really fast, but I wanted to propose another change" she says. "Like what mama?" I ask.

"Well, you two are teenage girls and as much as I want to always think of you as my babies I know you are growing up" she continues, "So, I was thinking we clear out the office room in front of your current room and make that Cindy's room" she finishes.

"But mama, I don't need" Cindy starts. "Baby" mom cuts her off, "You live here now, you are part of our little family, you are exactly one third of this family, and you need to have your own space in this house" she says. I look at Cindy and see her mouth open to protest, but I cut her off this time, "Mom's right sis" I say. She looks at me, surprised.

"But" she says again. Mom grabs her hand, looking her straight in the eye and says, "And since you are legally my baby now, you have to listen to me or you're grounded" she says and smiles that beautiful smile of hers.

I see my sister's eyes get big and then she looks down, sad. Why is she sad?

"But what if Jazzy needs me like last night?" she says, so quietly only we could've heard it. And then adds, almost breaking my heart, "What if I need Jazzy?"

I lean over, bringing my right arm over her, pulling her into me, and hug her with all my might. I whisper, "Cin. Cindy. My Cindy. You are my everything. You are my dearest and only sister. And you better believe I will keep my door open every night, so we can crawl into each other's bed whenever we need a hug." I feel her arms go up around my torso and she starts shaking. The sobbing that emanates from her small body hurts my heart. Then I feel mom hug us. And Cindy's sobbing goes down to crying and sniffles, saying over and over, "It was so bad, it was so bad, it was so bad", over and over and over.

We slept in mom's bed that night, holding our mom on each side, knowing things will be different now. Looking forward to whatever different will be.

This no longer feels like an out of body experience. It's my body, my soul. My grounded soul. I can't wait to see my bestie, so I can hug him.


	10. Shelters, girls, and honesty

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

CHAPTER 10:

"Huey, can you move those boxes in the hallway into the backroom? They're just too heavy for me nowadays" I hear Mr. Willis say.

I inhale, then try to exhale the worry I feel for this man that's older than Grandad. "Mr. Willis, did you try lifting those boxes before I came in today and remembered you cannot be putting your back through that kind of stress?" I say, without looking up from the laptop where I'm keying in the schedule for next month. I hear him laugh and say, "Oh my boy, you know this ol' back give out way to easily nowadays." I close my eyes and remind myself just how stubborn some men at that age can be and hope Jazmine won't let me get like that. Wait, why would Jazmine be with me at that age? I shake my head from frivolous thoughts and say, "Mr. Willis, if I suspect that you're lifting those boxes when I'm not around I will call Mary and I know you don't want that."

Mr. Willis is one of the few men in this town I respect, hence the fact that I don't call him by his first name. He's been running the shelter for more than half his life. It caters to anyone that needs food, clothing, and a place to stay for the night. They have beds and donated clothes here. Not much else. The food comes from organizations that want to help by donating the food directly or coming down to the shelter to hand out plates of food for anyone staying the night. Sometimes the food pantry is full of these donations, sometimes it's empty. The people sleep in the old airplane hangar turned into a shelter on mats and sometimes donated mattresses with blankets, creating pillows from clothing or other blankets. It's something else to see the gratitude they find in the dry blankets and mattresses.

In the morning, the people that slept in the shelter are asked to go out and find some way to make a living, whether that be panhandling or finding work. Most are my folk and most are elderly. The ones that came from an era where panhandling is beneath them and would rather go hungry or seek a church or some other organization giving food to the homeless. Some are disabled and can't work. Those that can't work walk the streets during the day, cleaning up the side walk where they'll call their home for a few hours, before coming back to the shelter at night, hoping to find a dinner donated by a local church.

I know Mr. Willis keeps staff here at night to make sure nothing goes array with the shelter. Two men. They stay here in the office, giving each other breaks from watching the place. I would consider helping by staying overnight once or twice a week, but I have other priorities. One of those priorities is volunteering a few blocks from here, closer to downtown. I look down at the screen and see it's five minutes pass seven. Almost done.

"Son, you should go pick up that sweet girl of yours" I hear him say, and I'm sure he's smiling at his own comment. I roll my eyes, but out of respect, don't reply. I save the document, close the laptop, and stand up, to stretch. "Mr. Willis, we need to go over the schedule for next month at some point. You're overbooked on certain nights for donated dinners and" but he cuts me off, "Huey" he says. I look up and feel my eyebrow arching. "We can talk about that tomorrow. I trust things will work out in God's good hands" he says.

I want to tell him that god is something people use to explain things they don't understand, usually tragedies, and we need to rely on facts and numbers to better understand the present, like this spreadsheet. Facts, numbers, dates, are things we can control because they don't change, they just are. Instead, I say nothing, because sometime in the last year I've started to believe that maybe relying on facts and numbers isn't the only way to get through life. Maybe, possibly, relying on other people and even trusting other people's judgement, as unrealistically optimistic they can be, can be a secondary way to get through life. And, even more farfetched, that secondary way of getting through life can be more than just getting through life.

"Okay, just let me move those boxes to the backroom and I'll be leaving" I say, move around the desk, walking towards the hallway, pass the doorframe where he's leaning. "Thank you Huey" he says, and before I can tell him it's not a problem, he continues, "You remind me of my son that I lost in damn Afghanistan." I stop and look up at him.

"Yep, you look just like he did when he was a teenager" he says. "Same big head and everything," he continues, with eyes caste down. Then he laughs, and I see his eyes get misty, remembering another time and place I think. He looks at me and says, "Didn't know what a jewel he had until the day he was gonna leave to that damn place."

"Mr. Willis" I start, but he cuts me off, "Son, do it now, don't you wait 'til you're standing at the airport with your girl, never having told her how you felt, with no time left to be with her." Then he turns around, and starts walking towards the hallway, and I hear him say, "That knucklehead son of mine also call her his best friend, don't know what these kids be thinking nowadays, best friends, back in my day we just call them our girl." I hear him hitting the cane to the floor on every step.

I feel my body heat rising for no reason, thinking of his words. My best friend.

* * *

It's getting warmer. This is when I want to stay in doors the most, not because of the weather, but because people start acting crazy in the heat. I knew when I was ten, I know it now five years later; people do not know how to act sane in warm weather.

I start walking faster to the nursing home, ready to get her, and head home. Today we're taking the bus. Sarah texted saying she had to stay late to prepare for a court case she has tomorrow and won't be able to pick us up until almost ten. I told her to not worry and I would make sure Jazmine gets home safe and at a decent time, so we can both do some homework. Then, something odd happened. Sarah said she wanted to talk to me when I have time. I feel my eyebrow rise thinking about that, and then I remember I shouldn't think about it. I have to focus on what's happening right now.

I know the bus schedule well, seeing as I mapped out all escape routes and ways to get her home if either one of those idiots ever show up. I can get us home within half an hour; we just have to get through a few badly lit streets, get to the main highway that cuts through downtown and get on the bus going east towards our respective homes in the suburbs of Woodcrest. I roll my eyes thinking about that. When did the suburbs become home?

I finally make it to the nursing home, take the stairs two steps at a time, and open the front doors of the nursing home office. I see Jazmine, sitting in one of the guest seats to the right of the check-in desk. Sitting next to her is the head nurse. I did my own background check on all the employees before Jazmine started volunteering and know she's a legitimate nurse that volunteers at this and various centers on her off time. I think Jazmine idolizes her because of her experience in the geriatric field. So caring, that girl, even for people she doesn't know. Is it possible for that to rub off on someone? I berate myself for thinking that's something I even want.

She's wearing the dark purple sweater Grandad gave her for her birthday. When did Grandad get so practical? 'Don't want you catching a cold out there with these irresponsible boys of mine' he said at her birthday dinner. He does know I would always bring an extra sweater of hers I found in my closet when we were both volunteering at the shelter, knowing she was bound to forget hers? She doesn't know I caught her more than once placing that same sweater back in my closet. I never told her I knew she was doing that. I still haven't. I don't lie to myself. I didn't tell her because I didn't want to embarrass her and have her stop doing it.

I catch the shimmer on her neck from the necklace I gave her. She says the likes to hide the stone under her sweater, but I don't ask her why. I can't see the outline of the stone because the sweater fists her loosely, but I know it's there, like I know Grandad's going to need some more orange juice by tomorrow. She says she likes it because it's the softest sweater she owns. I think it's because it reminds her of Grandad and his almost blind way of not seeing a fault in her. Does she have a fault? Focus Huey.

I look around the room, see the receptionist behind her desk, then turn to the left of the check-in desk and feel my eyebrows lower as I see a man, white, mid-twenties, looking over the newspaper he isn't reading, at Jazmine. I hear her laugh and turn to see Jazmine holding her hand over her mouth, laughing, I assume at something the nurse said. Then, she looks up and I see her eyes sparkle that dark forest green as she stares at me.

"Bestie!" she says, and I roll my eyes, only to have them fall back on that guy, now looking at me. I feel my face fall, giving no indication of my intentions, but can't help to think she belongs to me. Before I can process that thought I hear Jazmine again, "Thank you Mrs. Winters for all the advice. I will surely think about those colleges." The guy looks back down at his newspaper, warned.

"Mom texted me" I hear her say. I look down and see that bun on top of her head. Soft again. I wonder if her hair still smells like the strawberry shampoo she used this morning. Damn it, focus Huey.

"Yes, we should head home before it gets later" I say. She smiles up at me and I see the freckles on her nose, then turns back, waiving, "I'll see you tomorrow Monique and hopefully next week Mrs. Winters." She turns to look at me, "Okay bestie, let's go" she says and starts walking towards the door. I grab her hand, "Jazmine" I say. She turns back. "Yes?" she asks. "You already now" I tell her, see her purse her lips, and looks away, "Okay, I'll wait here" she says.

I walk pass her, step outside of the building, check the perimeter. No new cars since I walked in, a woman walking her dog on the other side, everything checks out.

I hear her walk out after the agreed upon half minute. "Okay, let's go" she says and walks up next to me. We start our walk down the street, away from the nursing home, heading north, towards the main highway that cuts through downtown. A block after the nursing home I start to see the streets lights flicker from the lack of maintenance and the graffiti on the buildings goes from one to two liners to full on gang wars. Idiots, I think, but with a sense of determination, knowing there has to be something I can do to better this one day. We come up on a park that used to be beautiful and well kept, until Grandad and Ed Wuncler opened up a soul food restaurant on the other side. I shake my head now.

"You know, what most people don't understand is that it was the trendy people that led to this," I hear from my right. In this type of situation, I would usually have her on my left side, seeing as we're walking on the left side of the park and the park could be dangerous, but the street is on my left side and I trust the homeless sleeping on the benches more than the speeding cars or drive by shootings. I also try not to think of the small possibility of a car pulling up and forcing her into it. I'm sure I can handle a dozen idiots at a time, but she could still be hurt in the process. I feel my body temperature drop. It only drops with one emotion and it's one I'm not used to. I know determination, I know purpose, and I've known anger. I've only known fear a handful of times, and as of the last few years, it seems to be connected with Jazmine. I inhale quickly.

She pulls me out of my thoughts by saying, "I mean, the whole Itis thing only really happened because those people from Hollywood, those trendy people, came to try it out, giving it all this popularity and then when it wasn't their thing anymore they just left, leading to Grandad having to close it down, and then no one could take over the location to pay the rent and it became this." I feel her get closer to me. My temperature rises back to normal, I relax, and feel my smirk coming on. She's scared.

"You're letting Grandad off the hook Jazmine" I say. "He could have changed his menu to cater to a broader people, so it wouldn't be just people wanting a quick fix or what was trendy. That would have kept his client base from disappearing, but he refused, and then of course there were all the lawsuits."

"Yes, but I guess I defend his actions because I know Grandad was trying to teach us some of the culture he grew up with and that made me happy" she responds. "Jazmine, you're telling me you were okay with the Luther? The cheese, several strips of bacon, between two Krispy Kreme donuts?" I ask. I see her gag. "Well Huey, I still see more good in Grandad's actions than bad" she responds. So caring. Where does she get it?

"And" she continues, in that small voice only I hear, "It made me happy to learn a little more about my culture in some form." She looks away. I know. I know she's thinking about Tom and how against her learning about her culture he must've been. Anger. I know that feeling. Tom. I'll make sure you get yours one day. I see Jazmine shudder. "Where's your jacket?" I ask. She looks down, embarrassed I think. "I left it in my locker at school before we left today, thinking the sweater would be enough, but that was before mom texted about not picking us up on time."

I start, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off, "I know, I know Huey. I just didn't want to carry it and I'm not even that cold," she says, as she crosses her arms to hold in the warmth. "Jazmine" I say again. "Huey, I'm fine" she says and looks down, her forehead creasing. I remember I don't have my jacket either because I also only brought a sweater and it's supposed to be getting warm soon. I inhale through my nose and close my eyes. I don't get cold as fast as she does, or nearly as much. I can already feel my face heating up before I even think about it. I put my right arm around her shoulders and drag her into to me.

I hear an 'eep' from her, followed by, "Huey, really, I'm" but I cut her off, and I know I sound annoyed, "Jazmine, you always say we're best friends so don't make this weird." But really, it is. I feel something. Something I can't explain. But she's cold. I inhale, trying to drop my body temperature. I understand this is something couples do, not friends. Do best friends do this, and even if they do, why does it feel like it's more than what best friends do? Then I remember, I don't care what best friends or friends do, or anyone else does for that matter. I don't care what is right when it comes to other people. I care about what's right for me, for us.

We keep walking like that until we get to the bus stop. It's awkward at first, with Jazmine standing up straight, facing forward. Then, I feel her relax, turn her body towards me, and it feels, right. Like we fit exactly, perfectly, like this. Once we get to the bus stop, we wait, with the rest of the people. I see some guys eyeing her and I pull her in closer, to protect her. They look away. Good.

After the bus pulls up, I watch the people get on before we do, making sure to note what they look like. Jazmine stands next to me, under my arm, waiting with me. Sometime growing up we figured each other out enough to know what the other needs. She knows I need to know who's going to be riding with us. Three men, two women; two of the men are in their late twenties, one early twenties, both women are middle age. Finally, it's our turn to get on, I feel her move forward, let my arm fall only when she walks up the steps, onto the bus. I feel something's missing now.

We get to my house and find Riley and Cindy playing video games in the living room. After Jazmine and Cindy hug, we walk up to my shared room to work on our homework. Jazmine sat crossed legged on my bed, her favorite position to do homework although she's never said it, and I took to my desk. I know high school homework is more busy work than anything else, but it's necessary that it be done so we can get accepted into decent colleges.

Another oddity today, about an hour into working on homework Riley and Cindy walked in, Cindy leading the way with Riley carrying their backpacks. I felt my eyebrows rise as I watched them. Riley dropped Cindy's backpack on his bed, holding his own in his other hand. Cindy said, "what up," sat on Riley's bed, and Riley walked up to the front of his bed and sat on the floor. I looked down at my brother and he didn't look at me, but I could see his embarrassment and creased forehead. He unzipped his backpack, pulled out a book and notebook, opened his book, and started reading quietly.

I turned over to Jazmine, who was staring at me, and saw her small smile, with the necklace dangling from her neck. She looked back down at her notebook and continued writing. I swallowed, turned back to my desk and kept reading.

After studying that night, Riley and I walked them to their house. Returning back to the house Riley ran into the guest room, I'm guessing to get back to his video games.

I exhale. I won't hound him about finishing his homework. How didn't I see it? He's grades have been improving since Cindy moved in with Jazmine and Sarah. Who would've guessed having her around more would be a good influence on him.

As I get to the staircase I remember I wanted to see him. I walk into the living room and see Grandad sitting on the couch, watching BET as usual, in his old recliner. I walk over to the couch, plop down, realizing how tired I am today.

"How you doing boy?" I hear him say. I look over at him, holding the TV control in one hand and his orange juice in the other. I have to remember to get him more orange juice tomorrow. "I'm fine, just tired from the day" I say. "Well, you got a job now boy so you're bound to be tired" he replies, still watching the TV. I exhale. "Goodnight Grandad" I say as I start getting up. "Hold on Huey, I gotta tell you something" he says. I feel my left eyebrow rise, like it's got a mind of its own. Sometimes I do think my eyebrows have a mind of their own. Damn it, Jazmine is getting to me.

I sit back down and wait for him to continue. He lifts his hand, holding the control, and turns off the TV. Now I'm intrigued. "Grandad" I say. "Boy, I thought I told you I gotta tell you something, so shush" he says. And I do, because regardless of his faults, which he has many of, he's our grandfather, something of a father to my brother and me for the last five years and he's one of those few men I respect.

"You're growing up now and I think we gotta have that talk" he says. That talk. What talk? Oh. I start, as deadpan as I have ever been, "Grandad, I know what sex is and how to be safe about it" but he cuts me off, "No boy! That's for later. I wanna talk to you about asking cutie pie to be your girl" he says. What? When? How? Why? "What?!" I say out loud.

"Cutie pie! Damn, Huey, you the smart one! Now when you gonna ask her out?" he says. "Grandad, we're not having this conversation" I say, get up and start walking out of the living room. "Boy, you better get to it before some other boy sees what a jewel she is and sweeps her off her feet. Even your brother knows what he has and that's why they always together" he says. I stop. Riley? Cindy? I continue walking and shake my head, knowing it doesn't matter and those two are too young to be thinking about that anyways.

"Goodnight Grandad" I say as I get to the staircase. "Huey, wait" I hear him say, more serious now. I stop, exhale, tired, and respond, "Yes, Grandad." He says, "Remember what your parents wanted for you." I inhale, quickly, and swallow. Not right now. I can't think about that right now. I need to focus on protecting her. I walk up the staircase without responding. Once I get to my shared room, I close the door, and walk over to my desk. I pull out the chair and sit down.

Why can't I just tell them we're friends and they have to get off my back about this? We're friends. And what does my parents saying they wanted me to be happy have anything to do with that? And why does she make me feel things I don't completely understand? I need to focus on something, anything. I pull out my wallet from my pocket, unzip the side zipper, and pull out a key, take the key and open the right locked drawer under my desk. Not the most secure location, but it was never meant to be that, but rather a place to keep something I know both my brother and Grandad wouldn't be interested in either way. I take out my journal and open it.

The shelter, Mr. Willis, the nursing home, the head nurse, the park where I saw some of the homeless we feed at the shelter, the soul food that meant more to her than I thought. These folk, my folk, my people. They need to have a place in my journal. Things I can understand, control, or have some connection to my journey need to be in my journal.

* * *

I can't believe it's May already. My sister's birthday is this Friday. We're throwing her a birthday party very much like the one they threw for me at the Freeman house, this time on Friday, since her birthday actually falls on that day. I wonder if they're okay with having us over this much. Grandad used to be so uppity about having too many people at his house, but as he's gotten older he's gotten so much nicer, like an old teddy bear. I giggle.

"Jazzy, what you doing here?" I hear my sister say. I look up from the book I should've been reading instead of day dreaming. Luckily my day dreams are actually day dreams now and not remembering an argument the night before.

"I'm here to pick you up sis" I tell her from my seat in the school's main office. "Okay, almost done filing some for Ms. Lola. Be done in a few" she says, turns around, behind the high desk and goes back into the hallway, into one of the storage rooms where they keep the filing cabinets. There's actually one big conference room and several offices back there. One of those offices is used by the principal when she is actually in, but mostly is used by the vice principal and sometimes Ms. Lola, who has to fill in for them more times than she should. Cindy told me about all of this when she started working here a few weeks ago.

My sister. How things have changed since she moved in. After she tried out for the basketball team and got in, they had her practicing during lunch and sometimes after school. It's not actually basketball season but this high school prides itself on its girl's basketball team so much that the coach actually starts having them practice during the off season. Cindy said it was good because it made her really get to know the girls on her team and the team's forms are much better now. Unfortunately, my sister says, those practices couldn't go on forever and was left with time to spare after they ended. Hence, she decided to volunteer here.

I'm so glad she's my sister for real now because I've gotten to know her so much. It's like the moment mom signed those papers Cindy started to let us climb over her high walls, the ones she'd built over years and years of neglect from her parents. But it was that night when things really changed. The night mom said Cindy needed to her have her own room. That's when the wall came crumbling down. After that night, she let us get to know her. She let us in. Let us love her. I feel my chest rise with happiness.

"What are you doing here?" that icy voice takes me away from my thoughts. God, maybe that's why it irritates Huey so much. I feel a smile tugging at my face thinking about that. I don't even look up. She's not worth it. Instead I start thinking about how we're supposed to take the day off on Friday to take out my sister, have a full day of just us with mom, and then going over to the Freeman's for Cindy's birthday dinner. My heart swells.

"Don't you ignore me" she says. I exhale, feigning exhaustion. I look up, look straight at her blue eyes, not as deep ocean blue like my sister's or as light feathery baby blue like mom's. Just somewhere in between. She is pretty, but she's not warm. Why was I ever jealous of her? Oh yes, because he's my best friend.

I smile, and then look back down at my book, ignoring her.

"Hey, I told you to not" but she's cut off by a warm but stern voice, "Ashley, why you bother that sweet girl? You know she's always here to pick up her sister, so you just leave her alone." Ms. Lola. Her voice sometimes reminds me of grandma, or did mom say that? "But Ms. Lola, ever since 'Cindy'" and she says Cindy's name with such disgust I hear my book drop on the floor and before I know it I'm standing up, marching up to the front desk.

"Say one thing about my sister" I say as soon as I'm at the front desk. I see her eyes get big.

"See Ms. Lola! See!" she says, pointing at me like I was about to beat her up, and maybe I was. For my loving and perfect little family, I will. I hear Ms. Lola's voice turn to me, "Now Jazmine, sweetheart, I know you're not the violent type even when it's about defending family." I look over at her and see her warm brown eyes and can't help but relax. I exhale, "I apologize Ms. Lola" I say, turn back around, and grab my book and sit down, trying to focus on my reading.

"Ms. Lola, why you always side with them?" she whines, and god I do know why he cringes when he hears her. "Ashley, I'm not siding with anyone, but I do know you have an incline to bother those two girls" she says. Why does Ms. Lola put up with her again?

Oh yes. Aside from having the spare time, there's another reason my sister decided to volunteer here. Mom had been saying how much Ms. Lola needed help at the school. Through their weekly phone calls mom and Ms. Lola had gotten close, almost like mom is with grandma. Mom told us about Ms. Lola needing help and not being able to find hardworking students that were willing to do the job without complaining. Apparently, Ashley's only stayed because her parents are forcing her to do an extra curricular activity to help when applying to colleges.

So, Cindy, my sister, that's one of the most hardworking and sweetest people in the world, but best not say that out loud or you'll ruin her reputation, said she'd do it. I can tell my sister really likes Ms. Lola because she stays and deals with Ashley. Cindy's told me just how lazy and annoying Ashley is and how Ms. Lola won't fire her because the school has a 'no firing student volunteers' policy. So dumb. And so, we all have to deal with Ashley.

Cindy's also told me Ashley has a major crush on Huey and talks about him constantly, even told Cindy about an incident at the mall where she tried talking to Huey and he completely blew her off. I mean I should feel bad for her because no one should be treated like that, but I just couldn't help laughing with my sister when she was telling me.

The other issue is that in her unrelenting infatuation with Huey she's also made me into an enemy. Apparently, I'm the reason, she believes, that Huey won't even talk to her. Cindy told Ashley it more than likely had to do with her voice and Ashley got so upset she stormed out of the office. I love my sister.

I love my sister so much that on these special days, I'll come to the office to pick her up myself. Today my sister and I are hanging out with Huey and Riley, taking a day off from work and volunteering. I look forward to days like this one where all four of us will be hanging out for hours together. On normal days, right after school, I take the bus with Huey to downtown Woodcrest to the nursing home and then he heads to the shelter. On those days, after helping Ms. Lola in the main office, my sister walks home with Riley, who actually takes the bus all the way from his middle school, just to walk her home. He does this every, single, school day. God, so cute.

But then there's Ashley. Must I deal with Ashley every time I want to pick up my sister from her volunteer work? Ashley gives me this attitude and I just want to smack her. I have never felt like hurting anyone in my life, aside from one person I pray is long gone, but Ashley just makes me want to smack her.

"Ms. Lola I was just asking her what she wanted, and she was giving me attitude" she says. I roll my eyes and continue reading my history book. "Now Ashley, lying is not okay" I hear my Ms. Lola say and I smile into my book. "Now you clean up this office, like I asked you to earlier. Cindy already finished her duties and moved on to helping me with other things" she says. "Jazmine" I hear her say, I look up, and reply "Yes Ms. Lola."

"You two enjoy yourselves on Friday" she says, smiles that warm inviting smile, turns around, and walks into the back hallway. How does she know we'll be missing Friday? Then I laugh. Mom must've told her during one of their weekly phone calls. I look back down to see where I stopped reading.

"So you two 'sisters' taking the day off on Friday?" I hear her say. I don't like how she said the word sisters, like we're not real sister, but I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that. So, I don't look up. I hear her huff, I'm sure irritated at my reaction or lack of.

"So, is Huey gonna be all by himself at school that day?" I hear her say. I look up from my book. I can feel my air intake quicken. Relax Jazmine, relax, I tell myself. I look back down at my book. "So, he is? I guess that gives me a few days to prep to hang out with him all day" she says. I look up, inhale, trying to relax, before I say something dumb, and reply, in the sweetest voice I can, "But he won't be here either," then look back down at my long-forgotten history reading.

"What!" I hear. I look up, bored, and say, "You heard me. I said he won't be here either." And I'm not lying. I've never liked lying. I used to lie to Tom, but that was because if I didn't lie to him he would find out about mom letting me go to the shelter and hanging out with Huey and would start arguments with her. I actually hated lying even to him, no matter how horrible he was. But today, I don't lie. As Huey's told me, if they can't handle the truth about who you are, they're not worth knowing.

"Why!?" she says. I feign surprise and say, "Something about he'd rather be in the middle of the desert, doing nothing, than being here at this school that offers nothing he doesn't already know, and the only reason he actually comes is to be here," I stop for dramatic effect, then continue, "with me." It's true. Well, most of it. I leave out the part where Huey said he doesn't see a point in protecting me at school when I'm not going to be there and he's going to use that morning to study at home for the LSATs. The LSATs. What kind of fifteen-year-old studies for the LSATs? He should be worried about the SATs like I am. God, I love that warm brain. I smile and look down back at my book.

"You little" she starts. "Say one damn thing to ma sister and I swear I'll pull out all those fake ass ugly extensions you got" I hear Cindy say. I look over to the back hallway and see her standing there with her backpack over her shoulder. I look back at Ashley and see her face lose its color. Why is she scared of my sister? Oh yes, she's known to beat up girls for far less, while I'm not.

I see Ashley huff, lift her chin up, turn around, and walk pass Cindy to the back hallway.

"You know sis, I could take her" I say. She smirks and says, "I knows sis, but I like scaring the crap out of her" and laughs. Her cursing isn't as bad as it was before she moved in. I wonder if that's mom's doing. "Common, wanna head home already" she says. I grab my things and follow her out to meet the boys, ready to be out of here.

As we walk down the hallway I start to make out Huey's hair and figure, leaning on the door frame of the school entrance. I wonder how soft his afro must be. Focus Jazmine. Riley is also waiting for us next to him. Riley is talking and using his hands animatedly, acting out a driving game from the looks of it. Huey's not having it and I want to laugh at how annoyed he looks. Instead of looking directly at Riley he's looking at the ground, one leg propped on door frame of the school entrance, with his arms crossed.

I also see four girls, standing by the gates of the school, looking in their direction. I know them; one of them is in my biology class. Nice girls, pretty to. Perfect skin and flat tummies. The one thing all us girls talk about in the bathroom. One of them, looking nervous, is pushed up by the girl that's in my class, towards Huey and Riley.

I feel my heart quicken. "Jazzy, relax" I hear my sister say. I look to my left and see she's eyeing Riley. Her eyes are smaller than normal, and glossy, like she's focusing on one point. I know that look. She's worried. I look forward again and see the one girl that was pushed walking up to them. Riley looks at her first and smirks in her direction. She continues walking up to them until she's a few feet away from them and says something, then Huey looks up. Riley says something and starts walking away, leaving them alone. Why is he leaving? I feel my hand come up to grab the jade piece that's hanging off my necklace, rubbing the smooth surface of the cold stone under my shirt.

"Relax Jazzy" she says again. I'm trying but I feel my eyes stinging. "Trust McHater" she says. I look at her again, seeing her still eyeing Riley's back as he's walking away. When did she start sticking up for Huey? I'll ask her later.

I look forward again and I see the girl say something, then she looks back at her friends. She looks back at Huey and I see she looks nervous. I see Huey's right eyebrow rise, then both eyebrows lower. He does that when he's annoyed. I breathe again. He says something to her, it looks like said 'no'. She looks up and I see hope in her eyes. "Jazzy" my sister says again. "Trust him" she says again. I'm trying. I'm moving the stone along my necklace over of my shirt now. Did I pull it out? I don't like it being exposed, away from my skin.

Huey says something else to her, longer this time, possibly a complete sentence. I see the hope disappear from her eyes and as much as I don't like people feeling bad I can't help but feel relieved at that moment. Then something confusing happens. Her forehead creases, she says something, and I see Huey's right eyebrow rise again. Then she turns around, almost running to her friends. I feel my eyebrow rise and then see Huey pinching his nose bridge. What was that all about?

As we keep getting closer I start to feel nervous. Why am I nervous? He moves his hand away and opens his eyes, looking directly at me. Dark red, must be pass five.

I feel my sister leave my side, going in Riley's direction. I continue my walk up to Huey, until I'm only a few inches away, and have to look up to look at his dark red eyes. "Jazmine" he breathes. Why am I this close, in public, in front of the school? I just want to be next to him. Next to my bestie. I don't answer. Instead I close my eyes and lean my head down, putting my forehead on his chest. I think I hear his heart quicken, so I answer him, "Yes, bestie?"

"I thought I said" he starts, but I cut him off saying, "That you'll always be my bestie" and can't help but smile into his chest even if he can't see it, knowing he's told me to not call him bestie in public and knowing he's probably annoyed with me right now.

"Yeah, that" he says, and I stop breathing.

"McHater! We leaving!" we hear Riley say and I jump back. I look to my left and see my sister and Riley about ten feet away with Riley carrying their backpacks. They're so cute.

* * *

I hear my phone vibrate, grab it from my night stand to the right of my bed, knowing I'm going to read the text, mark it as 'read' and then close my phone, but I stop when I read the text: 'I love my necklace. Thank you. Goodnight Huey'.

I exhale, remembering my brother and me waiting for Jazmine and Cindy after school.

"_It was on nigga! Like I was like this, going at 120 per hour and then Ed be like 'you a bitch Riles' because I be better than him at cutting those corners" my brother says, detailing his very productive weekend at the Wuncler mansion playing video games with Ed and Rummy. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if the rough housing we did as kids caused some kind of brain damage. I look down, deciding to completely ignore him, and instead going back to an earlier idea I had of placing cameras that only I will have access to facing the entrance of the nursing home. I want to monitor the people that go in and out of the nursing home, specifically twenty-year-old men that don't know to not check-out a teenage girl. Better yet, idiots that don't know they shouldn't check-out Jazmine. _

_I exhale. Jazmine. She said she would be getting her sister and then meeting us at the entrance and for once I didn't object. Reason being was that I knew there would still be plenty of people walking around the school at this time and more selfishly, not wanting to deal with that girl that works in the office with Cindy. But why is it taking them so long? Riley's been at this for ten minutes now. That's nine minutes longer than I can safely say I won't throw my shoe at his face. _

"_Hi Huey" I hear someone say, standing possibly five feet in front of me. It's not Jazmine or Cindy, but if those two don't get here soon I'm going to the main office to get them myself, even if that means having to listen to that girl's voice. I look up, hoping it's important enough to distract me from my planning. I see a girl. Before I can stop my idiot brother, I hear him say, "I see, didn't know you had it like that brother. Let you two talk" Riley says, turns around and starts walking away. I note his vocabulary's gotten better thanks to Jazmine's sister and Sarah's influence. He's still not going to sleep without the imprint of my shoe on his face tonight. _

"_So, hi, my name is Janelle, and we, I mean I was wondering if you have a girlfriend" she says, then looks back. I feel my eyebrow rise. I look pass her and see three girls, one I know is in Jazmine's biology class. Jazmine's said she's 'nice', but apparently doesn't have the courage to ask the question herself. I feel myself getting annoyed at the girl standing in front of me, taking up my time, when I was thinking about how to better monitor the nursing home. I exhale. It's not her fault. They wanted to know and put her up to it. "No" I say, because I don't lie. I don't have a girlfriend. Then what is Jazmine? Where did that thought come from? I shake that thought away._

_I look back at the girl they sent. I can see expectation in her eyes. Hope. Entitlement. Assumption. She believes she can have it just because she wants it. She's also young, naive. We might be the same age, but she hasn't learned a thing about this world. Jazmine is also naive, but a different kind of naive. Jazmine's pure hearted naive, where she understands reality, but thinks it's better than it actual is. The girl standing in front of me is ignorant. It's not a fault, just a fact for a lot of these kids. White, rich, entitled. Jazmine might have grown up around them, but that poison never infected her. She's, special. _

_I breathe out my annoyance and hope to not traumatize this girl, so she can continue living in her perfect world. When I was younger I would have used this opportunity to tell her the truth about her world. How while she's worried about what kind of car her father is going to give her as a graduation present, 488 people have been shot and killed by police officers this year and over one fifth of those people were black. While she's worried about whether some guy she's never talked to likes her, a person is a victim of human trafficking every thirty seconds. Jazmine would respond to both by telling me to write it down, so we can look it up and try to do something about it tonight. _

"_I'm flattered but I'm not interested" I say as 'nicely' as I can. I see her look down and then see her forehead crease. She's angry. At least she's not hurt. Then she says, "Well it's not like you're that cute anyways," then turns and walks back to her friends. I don't have time for this. I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose, preparing for the headache. Where's Jazmine and her sister so we can leave this sorry excuse for a school? _

_After a few seconds of meditating, feeling the headache subside, I open my eyes and see her. I see her eyes. Light forest green, must be pass five. The jade matches her eyes right now. I remember the Chinese woman saying the color changes depending on the usage and feelings of the one wearing it. I don't believe in folk stories and I'm not superstitious. I believe in science. It's possible the stone can change color depending on the temperature of the person wearing it. She's always warm. _

_She walks right up to me and I remember those freckles. I want to see them again, but the sun is casting a shadow over her nose. She gets so close I could rest my chin on her head. Then she does it again, like she did on the bus so long ago, too long ago, and places her forehead on my chest. I close my eyes, remembering I have never cared about what people see when they look at me. As far as they're concerned I'm just another black kid, but with her, there's so much more to this, to all this chaos and stupidity._

_She calls me her bestie. I don't berate her because it's true. _

_Then I hear my brother's voice and also remember that the imprint of my shoe will be on his face later tonight. _

I read her text again, close my eyes, and lean my head back on the headboard of my bed. 'they wanted you to be happy' Grandad said. I don't remember them as well as I use to but one thing I do remember is my parent's emphasize on purpose and honesty. Live a purposeful life and be honest in your actions. I don't know which one of them said it, or even if they did, but it seems true to the people they were. Honesty.

I write the text, press send, place the phone back down on the night stand, turn off the lamplight and put my head on the pillow, feeling lighter after that message. I haven't felt like this since before they died.

* * *

I hear my phone vibrate. That's weird. He doesn't usually reply after I send him a goodnight text. I open it, read it, and stop breathing. At least, I think I stopped breathing. I don't know.

"Sis, can you braid ma hair into two long braids tonight?" Cindy says, as she walks into my room wearing her favorite gray sweatpants. I got her those pants for her birthday the first year we met. I didn't know what she was into that first year, so I got her grey sweatpants and a matching sweater with my allowance. She's also wearing her 'Gangstalicious for eva' t-shirt Riley gave her on her second birthday with us per her request. Riley says he only gave her his favorite t-shirt because he lost a bet, but I remember he wasn't too upset when she came out wearing it to school the next day. I remember seeing him blush for the first time that day. Thankfully both the sweat pants and t-shirt were too big on her back then and still fit her now. I see my sister brushing her beautiful long hair.

"Sis?" she says again. I know I'm staring at her big dark blue eyes but can't say anything. "What's wrong Jazzy?" she asks, and I can see the worry in her face.

I feel my face get warm and a smile spread from ear to ear. "Jazzy, why you smiling now?" she says. "You scaring me sugar" but before she continues, I drop my phone, uncross my legs, jump off my bed, and tackle her on to my carpeted bedroom floor, laughing, this incredible happy laugh, filling me with something warm that I don't care to understand, but just happy to have it.

"Jazzy, sis!" she's saying from the ground. "Why you so happy? Who did this to you? Tell me, so I can tell 'em to hide from McHater who you know have a jealous streak like Riles" she says. I stop, smile at my wonderful and funny sister, crawl off her, grab my phone lying on the floor and show her the text.

Her eyes get big and then she looks up at me, smiles at me from ear to ear, and says, "I knew he was smarter than he talks."

That night, we both slept with our doors open, like we have since my sister moved into her room across from my room. My sister slept in her favorite t-shirt in the world, one she would probably kill for, and I slept wearing my necklace, and replaying those words he texted me over and over and over in my head:

_The color of your eyes. Goodnight Jazmine. _


	11. Old memories and new birthdays

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

TBG: Thank you for the comment. I know, but the bestie thing is sooo cute, specially when we trying to hide a crush behind those feelings. Ahem, I speak for myself on that.

Urban Spurgeon: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm trying to keep it well-written because I know it's hard to follow a story when it's not. I love Mr. Willis to because he comes from a real-life person that I knew that is no longer with us. He was just as loving and kind and humorous. I actually think of him saying those exacts words when I'm writing what Mr. Willis is saying. So, thank you for noticing him.

Regarding the following chapter, it gets a little intense with name calling and a bit of violence, I think. I think I said at the beginning that the level of this story might go up to M, but for now it's still not M, I think. I hope you all enjoy the next chapter though and continue to comment and tell me what you think. I am open to criticizing because I am still learning and hope to remain teachable. Thanks you'll.

CHAPTER 11:

Friday. I stretch knowing it's a special day. Not because of the day of the week, but because it's her birthday. I grab my phone, look at the time. Nine am. Why did I set my alarm this early on our day off? Oh yes, I wanted to help mom make breakfast for my sister. I can't help but feel a smile pull at my face. It's going to be an awesome day. God, awesome. I haven't said that word in too long. No. Don't think about that right now. It's in the past. He's in the past. Think of special, happy, warm things. Mom. Cindy. Huey. Riley. Grandad. Ms. Lola. Mrs. Winters. Mr. Willis. And text messages. I feel my face getting hot. Come on Jazmine, it's been like three days and I'm still feeling that text. But, it was, nice. Really nice. To know he sees me. Like that.

Since that text we've had our normal routine of going to school together, having lunch, and going to the nursing home and volunteer service every day. This might be sad, but that's enough for me. I'm happy just being with him like that every day. I shake those thoughts away, still lying in bed, knowing today is about my sister.

Okay Jazmine, get up. Need to get ready. Mom's probably downstairs by now.

I swing my legs over with much more energy than I normally have. I know it's going to be a good day. I get ready, pull my hair up into a bun, tiptoe in front of my sister's room, and then walk down the staircase. I can hear mom taking things out of the fridge.

I get down stairs and see her head in the fridge. "Mama" I whisper. I see her head pop out and see her big blue eyes. I always wanted to have her eyes, but maybe, just maybe mine are just fine. I feel that warm feeling growing in my stomach thinking about that. "I know that look" my mom says. I blink and say, "What look mama?" She says, "The one you get whenever Huey does something nice." I feel my face heat up. Come on Jazmine, three days, get over it.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to right now honey, but know I'm always here to talk okay?" she says. She has always been there to talk to. We even had the sex talk last year, right after I turned fourteen. She took me to the park with some fruit and we sat there and talked for hours. Another one of those many days mom lied to Tom so we could hang out with each other, outside, without him. It became a bad night though. Jazmine, don't. Cindy's birthday today.

"I want to make everything Cindy likes for breakfast mama" I say, trying to focus on my sister. Mom gives me that wonderful smile and says, "Of course baby. You start on the pancake mix and I'll work on the sausage."

After getting everything together, I take out a bowl and start mixing everything in, then I remember something. "Mama, there is one thing I wanted to ask you" I say. "Yes baby?" she says as she looks at me from the pan where she's cooking the sausage. "I just" I start but can't bring myself to say it and look back down at the bowl. "Baby" she says from my right. I inhale. This is my mom. She'll understand. "Mama, can I talk to Huey about some of things that were happening here, if he were to ask that is?" I say, not looking at her. I add quickly, "It's okay if you don't want me to, I just wanted to start being honest with him and rebuilding" but she cuts me off with, "Baby, look at me." I look up, turn to my right and look at her. I see her angelic face so much fuller and brighter with no make-up than it used to be months ago. She smiles and says, "Baby, yes, tell Huey anything you want. He's more than a neighbor, he's family. The Freemans were always family and they still are."

"Do that include Riley mama?" we hear in Cindy's sleepy voice from behind. We both turn back and see her in those pajamas I love so much because they're a combination of our and the Freeman's love for her.

I see mom turn off the stove, turn around, walk up to my sister, hug her and hear her say into my sister's hair, "Baby, of course that includes Riley. He's a great boy and I'm sure he's going to make an amazing man." I see my sister's cheeks flush. "Now let's celebrate my youngest's baby's birthday" mom says. I feel my heart expand with happiness.

After breakfast and cleaning up, we decide to relax, having a few hours before our day at the spa. A real spa. My sister deserves the best. So, we just sat in living room watching cartoons. She loves Samurai Champloo so we started with the first episode and let it play. I'm more of a Cowboy Bebop fan but we meet somewhere in between.

"Sis, I love you" I tell her. "I love you to sis" she says from below. I'm sitting on the couch, with her sitting between my legs on the floor, braiding her hair. Mom's upstairs resting before we start our day.

"I thought you forgot how to braid" she says. I had. I really had. But recently, I started remembering things I used to know. Things I knew when I was younger. I remember forcing Riley to put on a dress after I braided his hair. I was a terror in my own way. I giggle.

"Yeah, but I just forgot I knew" I say. "No you didn't, you made you'll self forget cuz of that punk" she replies. I stop braiding her hair and look at the TV, not really watching, just looking. She's right. I made myself forget because I didn't want to remember things that made me happy that would make Tom mad. So, I literally stopped doing anything that would remind him that we were black. That he was black. That included me braiding hair. Why was he so against that part of us? I love that part of me. I love that it has color and flavor and uniqueness. I love that I'm black, even if only in part, but I am.

"Jazzy love" I hear my sister say. I look back down and smile. "Sorry sis, I just started realizing how happy I am now" I say. I feel her squeeze my ankle. "But I also started remembering Riley in a pink dress after I braided his hair once" I say and can't help but start laughing, hoping to not mess up the braid I'm on.

"Oh yeah, McHater threatened Riley once that he would make him wear a dress like you did that one time if he didn't clean up his side of their room" she says. And now we're both laughing, thinking of Riley in a dress at this age or any age. So cute. "Oh god, Huey and Riley, what would we do without those two" I say. "Have less trouble with girls, but then what be the fun in that" she says. And we laugh some more, but then I remember. "Hey sis, remember the other day when those girls went up to them?" I ask. "Yeah, them hood" but she stops herself. I smile knowing its spending time with mom that's cleaning up her vocabulary. "I mean them bitches" she says. I roll my eyes but know it's better than what she was going to call them. "Yeah, them. Remember when they were walking up to them?" I ask. "Yeah sis, what of it?" she says.

"Well" I say, "You defended Huey, telling me I should trust him, and not that I'm against that, but it was weird. I mean, don't get me wrong sis, I love the idea of you two getting closer, but you've never defended him before" I say. She doesn't respond. "Cin" I say. "Sis, look, he a good guy, so just trust him. That's all I meant" she says, but I know when my sister is not telling me everything. "Cindy" I say this time.

Then I feel her silky hair leave my hands as she gets up and before I can complain about having to restart that braid she turns around, facing me and says, "Okay, okay, but you can't tell McHater I tol' you okay and you can't bring up what Riles and I did." I know I look surprised now. "Sis, what are you talking about? What can't I tell Huey?" I say.

She blows out some air through the side of her mouth and sits down, cross legged, in front of me. "Well, McHater and I are cool now" she says. "Cin" I start. "Jazzy, I ain't done" she says. I close my mouth. She continues, "It happened last month, you know befor' practice ended, and I ain't start working with the wicked witch of the west yet" she says. I nod, knowing she's talking about before she started volunteering at the main office working with Ashley. "It happened during lunch. I was running to the gym for practice cuz I was late cuz I had overslept in ma math class" she says and smiles. I can't help but roll my eyes, loving her even more because she doesn't care to hide she hates math. "So, I was running, with ma books and all cuz I ain't even have time to go to ma dam locker to drop 'em off. I turned that tight corner in Building B, the one by the cafeteria." I nod again. "And I didn't see Rallo and his homies chilling there and ran right into one 'em idiots" she says and blows some hair out of her eyes.

"Did they hurt you sis?" I say and before I realize what I'm doing I'm standing up. "I'll get him myself Cindy. I been practicing more, and I know I can take Rallo if he's by himself. I'll take my bb gun to" I say, starting to look for my shoes. No one messes with my Cindy. Cindy stands up and grabs my hands. "No Jazzy girl, those punk asses didn't hurt me thanks to McHater. Now let me finish sugar plum" she says. I feel myself breathe. "Okay sis, but if I know they hurt you, something's happening" I say. She lets go of my hands, sits back down on the floor, shaking her head with a small smile, and I sit back on the sofa. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wonder when I became so willing to go up against guys like Rallo. I always loved Cindy, but I would've frozen just thinking about having to go up to him to defend my sister. The fear I had learned with Tom would've frozen me in place. I'm starting to see maybe I have changed, possibly for the better, since Tom left, since Huey and Riley started being able to train me to defend myself, and since Cin, my Cindy, moved in, and specially, since mom showed me we can live without Tom and be better for it. Today, I think even Mark would be scared of me.

I focus back on what's in front of me. I'm so proud of her. She crosses her arms and continues, "Wells, that punk ass Rallo got all pissed off cuz I just happen to knock his punk ass friend into one of the lockers" and I see her evil, but cute, smile. "So, I tol' him he could go to hell cuz I was late for practice and I ain't have time for his ass." Then I see her eyes caste down, remembering a moment I think. "He pushed me against the locker, hard, that pussy. So I swung and clocked him on the temple" she says. I can feel my eyes get big. I start getting angry. I was never an angry person, but for this family I feel I can be. I can imagine myself going to school right to beat Rallo with my own shoe, along with some of my attack moves, but I can't imagine Cindy going up against Rallo and all his friends.

"He got mad" she says. "All of this happening during lunch and no one there cuz everyone in the cafeteria or in the quad tryin' to get away from them torture buildings" she says. "Where was I Cindy?" I ask, and I can hear the fear and anger mixed in my voice. "Jazzy, calm down okay. You was in the cafeteria, waiting for McHater, to get you'll lunch from his locker. You didn't know this was happening. I know you would have ma back if you were there" she says and smiles that beautiful smile of hers. Hey eyes become small again and she continues, "So after I clocked him, the rest of his homies pinned me against the lockers, all four of 'em holding my arms and legs. I refused to scream, not wanting to give 'em the satisfaction of knowing I'm scared, cuz I'm not eva scared" she says. I know my sister. I know when she hides fear behind anger or indifference. I get up, walk up to her, kneel in front of her, and hug her. "I'm sorry I wasn't there sis. I should've been there with you" I say. I can feel fear overtaking me, thinking of her with that many guys surrounding her. Like what happened with Mark, but so much worse. My Cindy. I might just beat Rallo after this. I'm not unrealistic though. I might take Huey.

I hear her say into my shoulder, "Jazzy, sis, ma one and only sugar plum, please let me finish befor' you keep worrying." I let go and pull away. I look at her and exhale. "Okay, but you gotta let me do it" I reply. She purses her lips, but I can see her eyes smiling at me. "Okay, you big teddy bear" she says. We both get up. I go to the far-left side of the sofa and sit while Cindy lies on the sofa, with her head on my lap. "Okay, continue" I say, as I start playing with her hair. "Teddy bear" she mumbles. "So, they gots me pinned to the wall and then you know what they say? Some shit to me about being white and not true to ma people. The fuck they talking 'bout" she says, trying to suppress her anger I'm sure. "You Jazzy, mama, Riles, Huey, Grandad, those are ma people" she says, looking at me.

"We are sis. We are your family" I say. And it's true. I know it. She smiles and continues, "So, I told they're punk asses that they can eat shit cuz they nothing compared to ma real friends." Then she looks away, towards the TV. "Cindy? Why you stop?" I say.

She breathes out. "They call Riley, cuz they know he's ma road dawg, some really bad names" she says. I can't imagine what really bad could be. "Cin" I say. "They call him a nigger" she says. My hands stop moving through her hair. I swallow the vileness. I hate that word.

Too many people don't know where the word comes from. What it actually means. Who actually used it. What it was used for. Tom used it several times while he lived here. He taught me to hate that word before I even knew what it meant because he said it with so much hate. He said it to describe a people that do not exists. My people are beautiful, intelligent, incredibly strong and capable. Huey taught me that without the use of books or history. He taught me by just being. I know Riley and the black community uses the derivative of it and I have never been okay with it. Huey used it as a kid but one day, he just stopped using it, completely. I know Huey's tried to remove that word from Riley's vocabulary. Riley's better now with Cindy around more. I love my sister and what she's doing for him. I love what Riley's doing for her, showing her it doesn't matter if she's black, white, or something in between as long as she's exactly who she wants to be.

"So I kicked him in the balls. Hard" she says, taking me out of my train of thought. She looks back up at me and continues, "I 'on't know how it happened. I was being held by all four of 'em, with Rallo in front of me talking shit, but when he call Riles that I just got this strength in me, and kicked ma leg so hard I heard a snap, I think the guy's hand that was holding down ma leg, felt ma leg go free, and kicked with all ma strength." I breathe and continue stroking the hair that I haven't braided.

"Then they got real mad" she says. "Rallo bent down crying like a little bitch that need four guys to hold down a girl" and she smiles at this. "I tell him Riley's a bigger man than he will ever dream of being and if he ever call him any name again I'll kick his other invisible ball" she says and snickers. I can't help but smile. "Then, I see his fist coming toward me" she says, and I feel my body stiffen. She touches my hand and says, "Sis, I'm okay. There a reason I didn't tell you. Cuz nothing happen." I nod for her to continue. I see her forehead scrunch up, figuring something out. "I kinda don't remember the rest though. But I do remember closing ma eyes, thinking I can take a punch, even a few, but I won't scream. I won't scream cuz Riley don't deserve a bitch for a road dawg" she says. I swallow the vile, wanting this to end, knowing that stroking her hair is the only thing keeping me from going to hurt Rallo right now. "Then, I remember ma arms and legs feeling free and ma dumb ass, for not looking, falling to the ground" she says. "I heard groans and some bitch as boys whining. Then, I look up and see big head McHater standing there, in front of me, and all them pussies on the floor like lil bitches" she says.

"He defended me and he didn't have to" she says. "Cin" I start. "I know Jazzy he a good guy but let me finish" she says. I close my mouth. "He stood there until they all crawled away, not saying a damn word. Then, when they all gone, he turn around, bend down, grab ma hand, and pull me up. I tell him thanks but I could'a handled them. Then he get all big brother on ma ass and say that I couldn't have and I still have all this damn training to do and I'm like his annoying little sister that he can't get rid of and he can't let them talk shit to me, specially cuz you ma big sister and talking shit to me is like talking shit to you" she says. I feel my eyebrows rise, feeling my face get warm. My sister continues, "Then he said to not tell you cuz he don't want you worrying 'bout some'ng that didn't happen. He grab the brown bag on the floor that I know you use for your plant lunches and walks toward the cafeteria."

"He also said I couldn't retaliate" she says, looks away mad, but then I see that evil smile again. "Cin" I say. She responds, "So I tol' Riles and we went to beat them the next week, cuz you know we wanted to give 'em time to recover to give 'em a fair chance."

I know I should be mad, but I'm not. I know Riley. He's not as an expert in martial arts like Huey, but he can fight, well, better than any boy his age should. I also know with all the fights Riley survived with Huey, he's more than capable of taking care of several guys at a time, guys much bigger than him. And based on our weekly bb gun practices, I know he can handle fire arms. I'm not sure how much Huey is okay with that, but it is what it is. Huey taught us the safety precautions, aiming correctly, but Riley taught us shooting like we're in the movies. I can't help but smile at those times when both my sister and I ganged up on Riley with our bb guns. Huey just stood by and watched.

But, she's still my little sister, younger by three months, and I love her. "Cin, you two could've" I start. "I know Jazzy, but I don't hide nothing from Riles, at least not no more" she says and looks away. I say, "I know Cindy." I think about how I was hiding my home life from Huey. I continue, "But sis," she looks at me and I say, "We don't have to anymore. We don't have to hide anything from those two anymore."

She smiles that radiant smile, but then looks away towards the TV again and says, "Jazzy, Riley was really mad when I tol' him." I stare, I'm sure looking confused, and say, "Well Cindy, you two are best" but she cuts me off with, "Yeah, we are Jazzy, but he was really mad, like I never seen him that mad." I respond, "Yes sis, because they called him that and you two are best" but she cuts me off again with, "No Jazzy, like I didn't even get to the part they call him that, he just got really mad when I tol' him Rallo had pushed me against the lockers." She continues, "Like he was just mad anyone touch me. I mean the way he beat up Rallo for having push me against those lockers. Like he was trying to protect me, like he felt regret not being there. He look mad, like I was his" and then she stops, but I see the tint of red on her cheeks.

I feel a smile tugging at my face. She looks back up at me and says, "Why you smiling sis?" I respond, "Because you two are too cute." She gets up, sits up on the couch and says, "Riles and me aren't cute, we're homies and down for each other, that's all." I'm trying not to laugh, but I'm failing at it. "Jazzy, don't laugh" she says, and looks away embarrassed. "Okay, okay, sis, I won't laugh" I say. "Anything else happen that I unfortunately wasn't apart of?" I ask.

She looks back at me and smiles, making me nervous, then says, "McHater and I are cool now cuz he defended me cuz he don't want anyone talking shit to 'your' lil sister", emphasizing the word 'your'. I feel my face getting warm again. "Cin" I start, but she cuts me off with, "Yeah, I know, you just homies, that's all." I look down but can't help feeling that happy warm feeling in my stomach. "Cin" I say and look up, to see my sister looking straight at me, with a smile on her face. She's happy and I know who makes her happy. Does she see that same look on my face?

She responds, "So I trust him and know if he willing to protect me for you that much, he don't see any of them bitches at school." I hope so. I shake my head knowing it doesn't matter anyways because we're just best friends and that has to be enough. Being best friends has to be enough. "I just hope Riley sees me one day" she says, lowering her eyes. I realize she feels the same way about the other Freeman.

"My loves it's time to go" we hear mom say. We both look at each other, I think hoping one day, we'll be sisters in more than just the way we are right now.

After the spa day, which basically was getting our nails and eyebrows done and getting a massage, we decided to head to the mall to get a new outfit, if we wanted one. We ended up spending most of the time in Old Navy and bought a few t-shirts for Cindy. I basically needed nothing. My sister wanted a new pair of vans to wear with her favorite jeans and t-shirt tonight. After we were done we headed back to the house, walking in, and putting all the bags on the floor.

"Mama, sis, can I take the hot water first?" Cindy says. "Of course, baby, go and get ready for your party" I hear mom say. I remember my eggplant moussaka needs to be taken out of the fridge. I go to the fridge and take it out, placing it on the counter. I hope he likes it. It's my first time making it.

After we all get ready, we head over to the Freeman house. We walk in to loud music blaring from the living room. I see Cindy run over to the living room and the music stops.

"Riles! The hell's your problem! You cannot be blaring music like that or you'll go deaf!" I hear my sister screaming in the living room, while mom and I stand in the middle, where the living room and kitchen meet. We look at each other and smile. Then we turn to the left and see Huey and Grandad in the kitchen, cooking. What are they cooking? Smells like death. Oh yes, I remember now.

Grandad turns around and says, "Hello cutie pie, Sarah." He's wearing his 'Cook of the Year' apron. How does he make things like aprons look funny and cute at the same time? Huey turns away from whatever he was stirring on the stove and looks directly at me. Breathe Jazmine. It was just a text and you two have been hanging out like normal for days since. The problem, I just realize, is that we're used to hanging out like that. We have a routine when it comes to taking the bus, where we sit, getting to school, our lockers, walking to class, complaining about teachers and students, eating together at lunch the vegetarian lunches I bring, taking the bus to downtown to our respective volunteer centers and jobs, and then coming home together when mom picks us up. Those are all normal routine-like things we do every day. In other words, we know how to avoid uncomfortable situations during those hours. We know how to be just best friends. I just realized, we don't know how to just be Jazmine and Huey, Huey and Jazmine, boy and girl, that are possibly attracted to each other, possibly. At least I know girl is attracted to boy. And, boy sent her sweet text message a few days ago, which is making girl squirm right now. So, how do we do this?

"Jazzy, you bring some of the McHater plant food?" I hear Riley say behind us. He started calling me Jazzy again. I hadn't realized when he stopped doing that, not until recently. I figured it out during one of those times when I was thinking of all the things I've forgotten because I forced myself to forget them. Back when I braided his hair, he called me Jazzy. He stopped calling me that a few years back, I think when I started getting quiet and started having secrets about my house. I didn't know how much I would miss him calling me that.

"Sis, you okay?" I hear my sister say. I look back, away from Huey's intense stare to see both my sister and Riley standing next to each other, looking at me both with scrunched-up foreheads. I turn my whole body around to face them and say, "Yeah, sorry, I'm okay. Yes Riley, I brought some Eggplant Moussaka for whoever wants some" I say. "You mean for McHater who's the only one that will eat that" Riley responds. I feel my eyes roll but before I can say anything, I hear Huey say, "Yeah it's for me, now go set up in the dining room Riley."

I know my face is two shades redder than usual, but I can't stop it. Did Huey just acknowledge that I made this for him in front of his family? "Jazmine" I hear him say from behind me, and I "eep" to that. "I mean yes" I say, trying to cover up my embarrassment, deciding to not turn around. "You should take that to the dining room to" he says. "Yes, Huey" I say almost like I'm a soldier, and start walking to the dining room table, needing to get away from my bestie right now.

After I placed the dish on the table I ran back to the downstairs bathroom, splashed some cold water on my face, happy I stopped wearing make up a few weeks back, stayed there for a few minutes, waiting for the redness on my face to go away, and then walked back, slowly, to the dining room.

I want to growl looking at the seating arrangement. Cindy at the head, with mom to her right, followed by Riley and Grandad, and an empty chair to my sister's left, followed by Huey. I look at Riley and see his eyebrow raised, knowing he had something to do with this. Wait, when did I start wanting to growl? Maybe I do have some anger issues.

"Sis" I hear Cindy say. "Yeah, sorry, I'm coming Cin" I respond. I walk up to my seat, pull it out, and sit. Then, I feel what I need to relax. Cindy's hand grabbing my own and squeezing. Then we proceeded to eat dinner. Huey and I ate mostly the dish I brought and some of the cooked vegetables. Grandad and everyone else, including mom who has a secret obsession with meat like my sister, ate the 'Pork Swine Delight'. To my surprise, Huey helped Grandad making dinner. Grandad said Huey protested and argued with him most of the time when making it, but I suspect my bestie replaced some of the ingredients with healthier versions when Grandad wasn't looking. He cares so much for Grandad.

We sang happy birthday for my sister, cut the cake, and I felt that love about us. That love that only started growing a few months back. I knew it was always there, ready to start, but there was a dark corner that wouldn't let it grow. Life is awesome today.

"Okay, let's start with the gifts" I hear mom say. She grabs the first one, being the one I got her, and says, "This one says from your big sister that loves you more than you can fit into this world." Because it's true. I love her more than that. "Jazzy, why you such a" Riley starts, but he's cut off by a deep voice that hasn't said much all night, "Riley, shut up." My sister rolls her eyes, grabs the gift from our mom and opens the bag. Her eyes get big, looks at me and says, "Jazzy." I start, "Cin, you are wearing them okay. I don't care where or when, but you are wearing them." I had saved up for months for those. I knew she wanted them. I knew she had been looking online at them for several years now, years. They're vintage, and she would never buy them for herself. "Jazzy, they're vintage. Jazzy" she says. I can see her eyes shimmer and the happiness in her face. I feel warm and happy and complete right now, sitting with these people here.

"Jazzy" she says again. "What is it baby girl?" we hear Grandad say. He has these names for us. Cutie pie for me. Baby girl for Cindy. Cindy just got her name in the last few months, after she started hanging around Riley more, now that she lives right across the street. One day, Grandad called her baby girl, she looked down embarrassed, falling behind on her video game with Riley, and then she answered Grandad with 'yes Grandad'. He only calls us two those names. We're his cutie pie and baby girl. I love Grandad.

Cindy's excited voice brings me back to reality, "Nike Air Jordan Retro One with the white metallic silver bran freaken new!" she finishes screaming, drops the shoes back in the bag, turns and hugs me over my shoulders so tight I can't breathe. "Cin" I say. "Oh ma god Jazzy! I love 'em! Oh ma god! I'ma wear them tonight and when ever we get wins at ma basketball games or Riles basketball games! Oh ma god!" she's saying into my hair. I can't help but laugh a little. Riley doesn't even have games right now because it's the off-season, but I smile knowing she's thinking of him even when she's getting a gift for herself. "Well I can't take all the credit" I say into her shoulder. I continue, "Huey helped with the research." I feel my sister pull away, smile in his direction, and says, "Thank you McHater." I smile at their interaction. They are brother and little sister. He nods at Cindy and then his eyes roll over to Riley.

I see their exchange. Almost warm, between the brothers. Like, Riley saying thank for helping with Cindy's gift and thank you for taking care of something so precious to him that day at school. I feel so grateful, thinking my sister and I had anything to do with those two getting closer.

Opening the rest of the presents, Cindy got a Fossil purse from mom, knowing Cindy secretly loves that store. A matted material, dark blue, with a black metal buckle in the front. When Cindy opened the bag with the purse inside she said, "Mama you know I don't use" and mom responded saying, "You might later on honey." Cindy hugged our mother, said thank you, and put the purse back in the bag, on the floor, but I noticed she placed it really close to her feet. Grandad in his infinite wisdom that not many people give him credit for gave Cindy a long blue sweater that comes down to her knees. Her favorite color and favorite length. Huey gave Cindy a holder for her bb gun that she can add to any belt she has. That warm brain.

With that last gift Cindy said, "Can we all go to the living room please? I wanna play some games on the Xbox." We all saw she was trying to avoid Riley giving her his gift in front of everyone. Well, everyone but one person saw it. We hear Grandad say, "Well, it's that grandson of mines turn to wash the dishes since his big headed brother helped me make dinner, so Riley you give baby girl your present and then start clearing up the table and meet us in the living room." I looked at Riley and could see the red tint on his face. I heard mom say, "Robert how about us adults clear the table tonight and we will all meet in the living room to listen to music in ten minutes." It's not a question rather a statement. I see Grandad's eyebrows lower and he says, "Sarah don't you worry about that. That knucklehead youngest grandson be cleaning up tonight." I see my mom's mind working. God, she's gotten so quick on her feet and confident since she went back to work. I hope I can be that smart and confident one day. Mom replies, "But Robert I think Riley can probably wash the dishes later and we can just help clearing up the table." Grandad opens his mouth to protest but mom cuts him off with, "I trust Riley Robert and I know he'll do a great job later with washing the dishes, especially knowing he got help with clearing the table." I get this feeling mom trust Riley with more than just that. "Thanks Ms. S. We meet you in the living room" we hear from Riley and before anyone can respond, he's out the of the room, dragging an embarrassed but grateful sister of mine.

I feel a warm and strong hand lightly grab my arm and say, "Come on," now dragging me out of the room in the direction of the living room. What's with these boys dragging us from room to room?

Huey doesn't let go until we're in the living room, but once he does I realize we haven't touched in days. Three days to be exact. I haven't hugged him, tackled him, or even gotten close enough to smell his soap. The soap he uses to shower every night after training in his garage, Irish Spring soap. He turns around and breathes, "Jazmine."

I look up and see his dark red, almost purple eyes. Must be pass ten. That color. Who has eyes like that, aside from his brother? Like, is that even normal? Is it a Freeman thing? I have yet to meet anyone with eyes as red as those that are not part of his family. "Jazmine" he says again. "Yes, bestie" I say automatically. "Why are you" he starts. I see his eyes get smaller, focusing, on me. Why? "Why am I what?" I ask.

He shakes his head, looks down, and walks pass me, walking out of the living room. What's happening? Is he mad? Is he disappointed? Are we not best friends anymore? I turn around, reach out, try to grab him and say, "Huey, wait, what did I do? Please don't" but I can't finish my sentence because he turns around and I see something in his eyes. Hurt? Anger? I don't know. Why don't I know? I know most of his moods, why don't I know this one?

I inhale and say, "Did I do something Huey? I know I've been acting weird for a few days" and then I see his eyes get big. His shoulders start shaking, looks down, and I hear him say, "Jazmine, weird, weird, you think the way you been acting is just weird?" he asks. "I, Huey, I just" I start, but he cuts me off when he looks up and says, "Jazmine you acting weird is you not saying anything for ten minutes at a time, you acting weird is you forgetting to do your homework two nights in a row, you acting weird is not wanting to leave your house after nine to go to the hill with me, you acting weird is telling me everything is alright when I knew everything wasn't and me not checking when I heard the arguments from my room, thinking minding my own damn business was the right way to go about things, you acting weird and me not finding out why got all you hurt for too long."

I breathe. I know I'm breathing, because I've done it before, but what do I do with this? How do I tell him he did protect me by just being there, so I could hug him in the morning, before we got on the bus, letting me hug him, not caring that he didn't hug me back. How do I tell him that knowing I could go to him kept me from crying every night, knowing he was there, and if it ever got really bad, if my mom ever got hurt to a point where we needed to call the police, I knew I would go to him first? How do it tell him he did protect me?

_'Baby, yes, tell Huey anything you want. He's more than a neighbor, he's family. The Freemans were always family and they still are.'_

So, I do. "You did protect me Huey" I say. His eyes get small, squinty, which he does when he's trying to figure something out. "You being here, right here, in this house, reminding me that if it got bad, if he hurt her in a way that she couldn't recover from, that you would be here, right here, waiting for me to come tell you. You being here alone made it so that I could wake up every morning knowing that as long as you let me hug you, things were okay. That, as long as you let me stay close enough, be your best friend, I could be strong enough for mom. You protected me by giving me that strength Huey." I exhale the breath I didn't know I was holding in.

I see him exhale to, look down and see his shoulders relax, and then look back up at me. "I should have protected you and" he says, but I don't let him finish. Instead, I walk up to him, lift my hands under his arms and hug him, resting the left side of my face on his chest. "Stop it Huey, just stop it" I say. He doesn't hug me, which is okay. I just need him to be my best friend.

"Why are you mad at me Huey?" I ask, and god did I not know how much I would miss smelling him. "I'm not mad Jazzy" I hear him say and I feel a smile growing on my face. I continue, "Then why did you," but he answers me right away with, "Because, you haven't been you in days. You haven't been Jazmine in days. You haven't done any of those Jazmine things you do and it's been" he says and I can feel his body heat rising, or is that my imagination? "What Huey? What's it been bestie?" I feel him exhale, my head moving with his chest. "You've been acting weird since I sent you that text and if I would've known I wouldn't have sent" but I cut him off by pulling away, looking up at his face, and saying, "Huey, no, don't say that." He looks at me and I see that look again, the one from before, the mood I couldn't figure out, and being this close I see it is something new. Something I haven't seen before. Vulnerability.

"Then don't act weird anymore" he says. "You don't understand Jazmine" he continues. "The last time I figured out why you were acting weird, it turned out to be worse than I thought possible. But back then, you would still at least do those Jazmine things, so I didn't think about it. Kept telling myself to mind my own business, and when I found out I" and he stops. I look from his eyes back down to his shoulders and see them shaking again. "He could've been hurting you to and I wouldn't have" but I stop him. "Huey, bestie" I say. I drop my arms from around his body and I let my hands crawl up his chest, up to his shoulders. I squeeze them gently, knowing he doesn't like jerky movements when he's stressed. I start massaging them slowly, until I feel and see them stop shaking. I look back up at those eyes.

"Bestie, I promise to not act weird anymore" I say. "If me acting anything but like me makes you worry, I promise to not do it" I say. I breathe and say, "I will keep hugging you, knowing it embarrasses you and calling you bestie in front of people and doing all those things that you secretly can't live without." I see him roll his eyes, see that wonderful smirk pulling at his soft lips. He looks back down at me and says, "You know I don't like you calling me that in public," but I cut him off by saying, "Which is why you love when I say it."

I feel his arms come up and hug my lower back. "About that message" he says. "Please don't stop sending them Huey" I respond. Because I don't want to live without them. "I meant it" he says. How do I breathe? Like how do people breathe? I can't really remember right now. I see his Adam's apple move, go back up to his face and can't help but focus on his lips. How soft must they be?

"Jazzy!" I hear my sister say and I jump back, out of Huey's arms. She runs in from the left hallway, where the guest room is, carrying a rectangular object about half the size of her body, with one side, the side facing me, wrapped in birthday wrapping paper. "Sis I gotta show you what Riles gave me" she says, and I can't help but smile at how excited she looks, jumping up and down with the rectangular object. She turns it around, showing us the unwrapped side, and I gasp. A portrait of my sister in her old basketball uniform, shooting a three pointer, with the ball in midair. All in water colors. Riley's specialty. She looks so beautiful with her two long braids in the air, behind her, with her glossy cheeks and big deep ocean blue eyes. How did he get the color of her eyes? I remember, that was the first day they met. It was after that that we all, except Huey of course who knew the outcome, took part in the fundraiser. That's when I got to know my sister and learned what it could be like to have someone that special in my life.

I look at the portrait, then look up to see Riley leaning on the wall of the living room. I smile at Riley and say, "Wow Riley. It's beautiful." He looks down and says, "It wasn't that hard Jazzy with what I was working with." I feel my eyebrows rise, look at my bestie, who's looking at me. Has he been staring at me this whole time? "We gonna play o' what?" I hear in Riley's embarrassed voice. "'Course we are Riles, now go set up" I hear my sister say. I swallow, look away, and start following those two to the couch.

Throughout the night Grandad and mom talked and drank coffee, listening to some of Grandad's old records. Grandad had Huey set up his old turn table in the living room just for the night, although I'm sure Grandad will not be reminding Huey to put it away for several days. That night my bestie showed me how to cue records, cleaning them before you put them on, placing the needle correctly, and then watching the record spin, listening to pops and static for any imperfections.

"I love your warm brain" I thought I heard myself say, as I felt my head getting heavier leaning on his shoulder, sitting next to each other on the couch. Riley and my sister had falling asleep on the floor, covered in blankets, both holding on to their controllers, with the 'Pause' screen on the TV. I know I would never say that out loud to Huey, so I must've imagined it. Even more, I thought I heard him say, "Not more than I love your eyes," but again that's just impossible so it must've been in my imagination. I must be dreaming of Huey saying that to me one day. I can live with that as long as he's always my best friend when I wake up.

The next morning, I found out my sister and I fell asleep at the Freemans. I woke up in Huey's bed, under his blankets, hearing my sister's soft snores from Riley's bed. Mom decided to let us sleep there and went home because she had to go the office the next day. She's been working on Saturday mornings for a while now, so we normally hang out at the Freeman house or they'll come over to ours. I woke up my sister, so we could go home and shower. We thanked Grandad before leaving, but not before I saw my bestie in the living room, folding the blankets he must've used, sleeping on the very uncomfortable sofa, letting his brother have the guest room. I saw the bags under his eyes, knowing it had to do with not sleeping well on the sofa. I have to remember to make him a special lunch on Monday.

We went home, showered, and went about our chores. At noon, as usual, there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it" I said, walked downstairs, looked through the peep hole, smiled, and opened the door. "We watching Scarface today" Riley said, passed me, going straight to the living room to start the movie. I look back at the front door and see him, standing there, and can't remember when he got so good looking. Tall, dark, and handsome, I think they call it. But, he's so much more. So much more than just the muscles and hair. He's. He's. Mom said to be honest. "My bestie" I say. He gives me a half smile and I feel my eyebrows rise. "Did Huey Freeman just give me a half smile?" I say. He drops it and rolls his eyes. I continue, "I mean nothing compared to that full smile he gave me a few months ago, marked on my calendar, but still, wow. I must go to tell the world. Facebook should do it" I turn around and start walking towards the staircase. "Jazmine don't" I hear him say and then I feel his warm hand grab my right wrist, stopping me. I can't help it and start laughing. I look back and see the smile gone, with those light burgundy eyes. Must be just a little pass noon. "Just kidding bestie, come on" I say, and start walking to the living room.

I am fully aware that he doesn't let go of my wrist until we sit on the couch, side by side. Riley who's sitting on the single person sofa sees this, but for some reason says nothing, just looks back at the TV looking for the movie on our amazon account. Huey likes sitting on the right side of the couch, saying he wants to be close to the front door in case of an intruder. I sit to his left, telling myself it's because I also want to be close to the door to help if I can, but, as mom said, I can be honest today and tell myself it's really because I want to sit next to my bestie. My sister walks in with a big bowl of popcorn and those two beautiful long braids, sits on the floor, between Riley and myself and says, "I wanna watch Scarface and since it's ma birthday weekend that's what we watching."


	12. History and not best friends anymore

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

If you all don't want to read my response to comments, please just skip down to the paragraph right before CHAPTER 12 where it says "Anyways, thank you all for your comments." There's some info there about this chapter and my posting habits. If not, you can just head down to CHAPTER 12 and start.

RabbitMelody: We getting there. Hopefully more so with the following chapter.

SG3MagicInk: Oh my god. Thank you for your comments. I actually went back and corrected a few misspelled words after reading what you said. I'll try to answer/comment on everything you said. Yes, as I'm writing this story I'm seeing small but important connections with their thoughts and feelings. I remember in the show Huey went with what felt right always, specially when fighting adversaries, so I would assume he would do the same with emotions. I don't see him changing much in the last five years other than becoming more settled in his views and accepting of the world. I feel that's the trajectory for most people. I also feel that's why at some point he would stop dropping the n-word. He would realize what it actually means and know his views are inconsistent with that word. If you look back at how activists actually spoke in crowds, they knew when to, if ever, say the n-word, because it was meant to demean and 'keep them in their place'. I hope one day, probably not in my lifetime, but one day, we don't use that word at all. Regarding the smiling, I remember Huey smiling some in the show, but mostly just looking complacent, so I would hope to go with that look, but if it comes out as a smile, than that's a good thing I guess. Now the anime part, you are damn right. This show was based on McGruder being inspired by Champloo. I'm not sure if McGruder's ever said he was also inspired by Bebop but I would assume so. I actually watched both anime's completely. I have Cowboy Bebop on blue-ray but haven't gone back to watch it in its original Japanese-language version. One day, I will. Spike's hair, god, it was beautiful. But getting back to your comment, yes, I totally saw how much emphasize there was on the hair in Bebop and on the eyes in Champloo. I think I just started writing, not thinking of the similarities, but knowing those two cartoons would be my inspiration as well. I hope to incrementally add fighting scenes and hope you like them and give me your opinion on them. I'd love seeing Huey kick some ass, struggle, spit out some blood, get back up, and kick some more ass. Thank you for your comments and I hope you keep reading.

Urban Spurgeon: Thank you for continuing to comment and for your suggestion on that book. I loved the boondocks because of the social commentary and the humor, so hopefully what I'm writing shows that. I can't wait for Season 5 either. I know some people have complained about the fact that the characters are seeming "to anime" but really people, the show was inspired by anime, so I just don't get the complaining.

Anyways, thank you all for your comments. The next chapter will focus more on Huey and Jazmine's relationship. I wanted to post this up before I started on the next chapter, which might take me a week or so to finish. Please let me know if you all rather me post one chapter at time every one to two weeks or a couple of chapters at the end of the month. Thank you again.

CHAPTER 12:

If I have to hear another version of how slavery was only a bleep in America's history that ended with the emancipation act, when in reality America began, grew, and came to be on the backs, lives and deaths of all slaves forced to come to this continent, after having killed the inhabitants through disease and the taking of their lands, how we just need to get over it because slavery was abolished over one hundred and fifty years ago and we have rights today even though those rights had to be fought and bled for, at the same time making us feel that those rights are more of a privilege than rights, I'm going to go to the principal's office and tell her just how in the dark these teachers are, that I'm dropping out of school knowing she calls me her 'star pupil' which makes little difference in my study habits, and go home to get my journal where I have precise steps in the execution of the revolution.

I feel my head bang hard on the desk, hoping the pain that shoots through my skull will drown out the teacher's voice. "Mr. Freeman, do you have anything to add to class today?" I hear the teacher, who is just a teacher with no name because I don't care to call him by anything else, say in an annoyed tone. I sit up, look straight into his eyes and respond, "I would but I don't want to embarrass your profession, again," reminding him of last week where I lectured him on his inconsistencies of the French Revolution. I should be more forgiving, seeing as he's a substitute teacher since our regular teacher, one who actually tried to teach us some truth about history in her monotone voice, went on maternity leave. But, this substitute teacher is still a teacher, an English history teacher, with a bachelor's degree is history and should be held accountable, like all of them, to speak the truth or at least to know what's written in their damn books. He didn't know what year the French Revolution started. I feel my headache coming back. I see his eyes get big, puffing out his cheeks, and biting down on his inner lip, trying to not get himself fired. He's angry, again, with the truth, and then I remember that I don't care enough, so I put my head back down on the desk, hoping time will speed up and be on my side just once.

I hear him huff, turn back to the board, and continue, "The Emancipation Proclamation, which liberated the slaves in 1863 and led to the abolishment of slavery". I groan and close my eyes forcing myself to not say anything because I don't want to get kicked out of class, again. "And gave certain rights to those previously enslaved." Wrong. So wrong. I can only get kicked out one more time this year before my 'behavior issues', as the school calls them, go on my high school record. I have to graduate with as clean a record as possible to have a larger pool of colleges to choose from. I understand the reasoning behind colleges caring about behavior issues when accepting high school student applicants, but it's making my life that much harder. How do I speak the truth to these idiots when it could be taken as 'disrespectful' and marked as so on my record? I've already spoken the truth too many times this semester and last time they said the next time I'm 'out of line', it will go on my record. I hear myself groan, again. I need to get out of this hell hole. I have to. Ten more minutes and class ends. Ten more excruciating minutes, then next period and finally school ends for the day.

There's only one good thing about this class and she's been fidgeting since lecture started because she's just being Jazmine.

"That's wrong" I hear from my right in that voice that makes me relax more than anything else I've ever come across. I look up and turn to my right to look at her, just to look. Nothing else.

"Excuse me" the teacher says. Then adds, "Did you say something Ms. Dubois?" in such a patronizing way I feel my hands curl into fists, holding on to my notebook with only today's date written down. Relax. She can handle herself a lot better now. But she did hide how broken she was, how broken her life was for so long, I wonder if that's true. Can she really handle being talked down to without having her feelings hurt? Screw it. She's my best friend even if no one ever knows it and I need to protect her. Clean slate or not, I'll just study for the SATs much more than I have been. Just when I'm about to stand up and tell the substitute teacher he can go to hell with his patronizing tone, throwing my chances at a clean high school record out the window, I hear her voice.

"That's wrong, what you just said. Slaves in the northern states were freed in 1863, along with any slaves that could make it to those states, but slavery itself was not abolished, which meant slavery was still a business those in power could profit from and they would have no reason to give any rights to those people they had just freed. It would actually hurt their business of slavery by giving them rights because then other slaves would have even more reasons to want freedom. No rights were granted to those people or their children for a long time. And more so, those in power continued treating those specific people and their children like slaves because they could easily determine who was and wasn't from an African bloodline just by looking at them." The teacher tries to interject with, "Ms. Dubois," but she cuts him off with, "Those rights you speak of, the ones teachers make us think were just given to us and we should just be grateful to have, like they're privileges, rather than human rights, we didn't see until the civil rights movement." He tries again, "Ms. Dubois that's not," and she cuts him off again, "And those rights weren't just handed to us, they were fought for, bled for and people died believing in that movement." I see his hands start shaking and can't help but feel this sense of pride knowing she's mine. "Ms. Dubois, if you don't stop" he says again, and she continues, "And those men and women, the ones that lived through those times, fighting for those rights, today live in nursing homes where we're only so lucky to have them to tell their stories and be examples to us." The teacher's face is red now and I can see his embarrassment at being talked down to by a girl half his age who is probably reminding him of how little he knows. "Ms. Dubois I'm warning you, if" and she cuts him off again, "In some cases we're fortunate enough to have those civil rights activists as neighbors who care enough to tell us just how much we have to continue to fight against racism, very real discrimination, bigotry, and a school system that doesn't care about the future of its students." She stops, looks down, and breathes. She's been wearing her hair down since her sister's birthday, in lose soft curls that look strong, like roots coming out of an oak tree. An oak tree that's sturdy and upright. She looks back up and continues, "And for you, a history teacher, even as a substitute teacher, to not know that the Emancipation Proclamation didn't actually give any rights to any slaves or even when the French Revolution started is" she stops and her light forest green eyes shine in the afternoon sun, "Pathetic."

"That's it! Principal's office now Ms. Dubois! Now!" he screams. I stand up. "Don't you scream at her" but she cuts me off with, "Huey!"

I focus on the small man in front of me that doesn't care about what he teaches in this or any other class as long as he gets his paycheck.

I exhale because I need to relax. I turn to her and see that worried look, the one where her lips are partially open, and her eyes have a gloss to them. She says, "Huey, next time you are sent to the principal's office from this class it'll go on your record and I don't want that." But why? It's my record, not hers. She continues, "I haven't gone once, and the semester is almost over so let me handle this one by myself. Then we can have clean records next year and can take as many AP classes together as possible," reminding me that behavior issues also affect getting into AP classes. Then she gives me that smile when she's about to do something not so good, where her eyes focus on a fix point and she purses her lips, calculating. I've only seen that smile a handful of times and mostly in the last few months.

She turns around, picks up her notebook that's on her desk with only today's date written on the page, bends down, picks up her 'Jazzy' backpack as she's named it, off the floor, walks pass me and the rest of the students, towards the front of the class. I always notice the guys looking at her. She walks up to the teacher and I feel my eyebrows rise, wondering why she's not just cutting through the room to avoid him. She stops in front of him and says, "Oh, and teach, Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9-11." Then she turns, walks out of the classroom, and makes a quick right to the main office where the principal's office is located.

If anyone could feel this much pride in anyone else, I can only imagine that person to be what people call content. I look back at the substitute teacher, who I didn't think I could respect any less. I was wrong. His eyes are still big, and his entire face is red, not sure if he's mad or shocked, but I don't care. I sit back down in my seat, waiting for the next three minutes to end so I can get out of here to go see her.

I run to the main office, not caring what they think. I just need to see her and make sure she's fine. She's never been that, tough. Why is my throat dry? I get to the main office and stop, not to catch my breath, but to take out the canteen of water in my backpack and drink some.

I walk in and as soon as I'm in the office I regret coming and not waiting for her after school. Fifth period is about to start but it's an elective that I'm already passing, graded as pass no pass, so I couldn't care less. I only show up to that class to have something to do before meeting her every day after school. I'm not regretting being here because I'm missing that class, I'm regretting being here because I have to deal with her. I forgot that volunteer service at the main office starts during fifth period.

"Huey! Oh my god it's been so long!" she says in a high-pitched voice, I think trying to hide her actual voice. Someone must've said something to her. "You never came to talk after we saw each other at the mall that day" she says. Again, my eyebrows having a life of their own, rise. "Excuse me. I really have no idea what you're talking about" I say. I see her eyebrows lower, casting a shadow over her blue eyes.

I have never cared about the color of a person's eyes. If I did, I would be a hypocrite saying that my people shouldn't be treated differently because of the color of their skin. That we are above, below, or different than any other people because of our pigmentation. What I aim for is equality. We are equals to all other people and I want to help this world see that one day. What matters is what the person brings to the table. Jazmine's eyes are unique yes, but not in the fact that they are green, but in the fact that they are hers. They are her eyes that's shade changes depending on the time of day and, I'm guessing, on her moods. There's also a certain flicker to them that has never gone away, even after five years of knowing each other. Where, when I look at her for too long, they flicker to a darker green, and she looks away. Those shades, that flicker, those greens are what make them Jazmine's eyes and Jazmine is who makes them have those variations.

This girl is attractive, but is just that, attractive. Most guys at my school I'm guessing would even say she's hot. I know that. Just like I know there are many attractive girls that look at me, like she's doing right now. The problem is that I see emptiness in her. I see longing to be told what to do, how to live life, how to be. The last thing I want to do today is tell someone how to live. As a kid I told people what was wrong with the world wanting them to change their ways to better it but looking back I see that's not what will change this world. What will change it is how I act, what I do, who I am. I don't want a vessel to fill. That's where she's different. Jazmine has always had fullness in her. There's always been laughter in her, even when she didn't get that horse Ed Wuncler promised her. That day, when we stood there, after chaos erupted in front of her lemonade stand, I knew there was nothing I wouldn't be part of with her or better yet, nothing I wouldn't drag her into. That determination I saw in her small frame that day told me just what she could be capable of. I gave her my scarf that day, one she has yet to give me back. I have never asked for it and I'm sure I never will.

This girl. I can only hope she finds someone willing to be what she needs but it isn't me. Then I remember, I don't care enough about that. "I'm here to see Jazmine" I tell her. She blinks, then she opens her mouth and I involuntarily cringe, "She ain't here" she says in what I now know is her normal voice. I feel my eyebrows lower and say, "She was sent here from her last period, so I know she's here." She purses her lips, squints her eyes, making her look like a raisin. I can tell she's about to scream and wonder if I can jump over the high desk faster than her scream, but before I can jump she blinks, she opens her eyes, smiles and says, "Huey, honey, why don't we just hang out and talk for a while? I promise I'm a lot more fun than your friend Jessica or whatever." I feel my eyebrows rise and try to remember that I was raised right, even if my brother doesn't make it seem like it sometimes and say, "If you can just tell Jazmine I'm here and I'm waiting for her" but she cuts me off with, "But Huey! Why don't you wanna hang out with me!" I'm starting to realize why Grandad tells me to stay away from crazy women.

"Ashley if you don't get away from ma brother I swear you will have no extensions left on that ugly ass bold head" I hear from the back hallway and see Cindy, who is now, at least in my eyes, exactly and completely Jazmine's younger sister and my brother's best friend, regardless of how childish that still sounds to me. She became all those things the day I saw her willing to take a beating for him. "Brother, he ain't your brother 'Cindy'" she says, and I wonder how long she'll survive knowing Cindy's patience. "Look, wicket witch he practically ma brother seeing as he's ma sister's best friend and ma ride or die's brother, but I ain't gotta tell you how that works cuz I'm sure any attempt at having you understand how relationships work would be a waste of time. Now leave befor' I hurt you this time." So that's where Jazmine's been getting her anger issues lately.

I see this girl turn back around and to my surprise, because I can't make out what this girl wants knowing I have rejected her attempts at 'getting to know me', smiles, blows me a kiss, and then walks around the high desk, passes me, and walks out the front door of the main office.

I look back at Jazmine's sister and she says, "Ma sis in the conference room with Ms. Lola. Just go see her there. I gotta stay out here to take care of the front desk since lazy ova there is apparently taking her break, even though I just got here."

I walk around the high desk and pass Jazmine's sister. "Thanks" I say and leave before I hear her start screaming about not telling people she's nice because she's not. I shake my head, knowing I've never wanted a younger sister, knowing their too much of a hassle, but we don't get to choose our family.

I pass several offices, including the principal's which I've come to know well this semester. I realize this semester I've been more outspoken about the struggles we face. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to correct teachers not just on history content but on current events, reminding them and the other uninformed students that Black Lives Matter was only the starting point for my generation and there is still so much that must be done. I exhale, trying to relax. The only difference this semester from previous ones is that Jazmine is no longer as quiet as she used to be. I'm also training her and her sister, when she chooses to drag herself in followed by my lazy brother, to defend herself. I'm not sure what the correlation is, but I'm smart enough to know there is a correlation.

I hear her laughing and can't help but roll my eyes, thinking she's still so childish at times, but question why I care about what she's laughing at if I think it's that childish. I get to the end of the hallway and walk in, turning to the left where I heard her laughter coming from and see her at the end of the table with Ms. Lola sitting next to her. "Yes, I've met so many amazing people with so many stories about that time" she says. Then she looks down and purses her lips, which I just noticed are full even when their pursed and continues, "What was surprising was the lack of history on the women that contributed to the movement. I didn't find much on those women at the nursing home when I looked online and it made me sad. I mean I would really like to write a paper on just who they are and how they were involved" she says. She's wearing her necklace outside of her shirt today. I'm so used to not seeing the stone. The smooth surface of the stone really makes the crisscross style of the necklace stand out. The jeweler said there's a sister to that stone. Maybe a bracelet next year, but how would that work. Focus Huey.

"Jazmine" I say, trying to get her attention. She turns and the sun from the bay windows hits her eyes, making her squint. "Bestie!" she says. I groan. Jazmine, public. Then she smiles and says, "I know, I know, but it's only Ms. Lola Huey." How does she know I was thinking that? I must look surprised because she answers, "You're easy to read Huey, well, at least for me." Why isn't she still laughing?

"Huey" I hear from Ms. Lola, who I have yet to address with anything but 'ma'am' even though I think of her as Ms. Lola from Jazmine and Cindy talking about her so much. She's a black woman, maybe ten years Grandad's junior, that's been working at this school probably as long as Mr. Willis has managed the shelter. The difference between this woman and Mr. Willis is that she's had to cater to the white community with their children who might feel she's not qualified to be the assistant to both the principal and vice principal. Especially dealing with kids like Ashley who think they shouldn't have to work hard to get anything they want, especially because it's only high school. They don't understand and might never understand their work ethics, morals, and drive are all being shaped right now and if they can't cut it here, needing to be told what to do, how to do it, and whether they should be doing it at all, then they won't cut it anywhere. They'll be living off their parents for most of their lives, waiting to receive that inheritance that they've earned by simply breathing. I'm not against inheritances or trust funds, but not when the people receiving them are waiting for them with open arms, having stopped being a contributing member to their own community, no longer giving, but only taking, because there's no benefit in them from giving. I wonder sometimes if everyone in Woodcrest is directly or indirectly related to Ed Wuncler.

Jazmine. I'm not sure what Sarah or Tom's familial situation is. From what I heard in the hospital, or it could have been Tom being the judgmental prick he is, Sarah's family doesn't have much money, which could be why Sarah is so humble and instilled those values in Jazmine and is trying to instill them in Jazmine's younger sister. That's why Ms. Lola is enamored with those two. They must be a breath of fresh air for her. I hear Jazmine's giggle.

Then I hear Ms. Lola say, "Huey, honey, I'm sorry but Jazmine has to stay here until after the school day ends and you can't stay here either. I'll have to send you back to your fifth period, even if it already started." I knew that. Just wanted to make sure she was fine. "Yes ma'am, I just wanted to make sure Jazmine got here safely" I tell her. The elderly woman, who I'm sure has lived through discrimination being in this white upper middle-class community, with students coming from families that are more racially bias than they care to admit, looks at me, giving me a knowing smile that makes me nervous and says, "I know Huey. I'll let you two talk for a few minutes but then you have to go to your fifth period." Ms. Lola gets up and moves around the table. I watch her get to the door, walk out, and close the door behind her.

I look back at Jazmine, wearing her pink shirt and tight dark jeans. I noticed those jeans this morning but can't see them right now since she's sitting down. I think she called that color hot pink. Why do her shirts keep getting smaller? It's the beginning of June and it's warmer outside so now she's not even wearing a sweater. Pink reminds me of when we met. Also, I realize that we're alone. Alone, with no common goal, no where we're going, and nothing we're having to do together. We haven't been alone in months, like this, without there being a reason for why we're together. Additionally, there's always someone around, either on the bus, or at her house, or at my house, with my brother or her sister downstairs or in the same room, or at the nursing home or at the shelter when she comes to help with filing on the weekends and talk to Mr. Willis. There's always someone and a purpose. The last time this happened was on the hill and I still haven't figured out why I did what I did, regardless of how it felt. I don't like not understanding my actions.

"Hueeyyy" she says, and I blink, cursing myself for not being more aware. Why do I feel nervous? It's just Jazmine. But as much as I want to say it's just the color green, I realize I really like the color green. It's just green damn it. "Bestie" she says again. I look up from where I shouldn't have been staring and see her face. She's giving me that smile, the one reserved for me. The one where I can only see her top teeth and her bottom lower lip looks wet, like she just scraped it, leaving it a bit red.

"Are you okay?" I ask. She blinks, gets up, walks behind the chair she was sitting in, and holds on to the back of the chair, I suspect for support. She looks down and says, "Of course I am. He was wrong." She lets go of the chair, crosses her arms over her pink shirt, and says, "I'd say it again."

I ask because I'm curious, "Why did you say that knowing you could get in trouble? You like your clean slate." She looks up at me and says, "Because I'm black Huey, if only in part, regardless of what others think." She exhales, and continues, "I want to learn about who I am, and I have to start by being aware of it first. My father is black. He came from a mixture of African, Indian, and French ancestry. Mostly African." She smiles at that, looking away. "That was always the part I wanted to learn about the most, and at least, when I was little, he did tell me some things, about the food, the music, and art that came from his African side of the family." She looks back up at the bay windows, squints, and says, "But at some point he just stopped. I thought it had to do with stress and mom told me that's what it was. But, when I would ask him about those things again, he would get mad and tell me to go to my room." She purses her lips and licks them. "That's when I started going online and learning about those things on my own." I want to say her name just to say it, but she might stop talking. She looks up at me and I see that smile again and I let my lungs fill and chest expand with much needed air. Her forest green eyes get big and she drops her hands to her sides and says "Oh! And I want to learn about female African American activists Huey! Some of the residents even told me of some that aren't even in history books! Isn't that cool?! I mean to maybe write a paper or even a thesis one day about female African American activists and all their contributions! Oh, and there's this really cool museum in Chicago called DuSable that teaches about African American history! Like Huey, a real museum that I could go to in your hometown! I mean, if we ever get to go together that is. Bestie can we go one day! Please?" she finishes, excited. She's flush, the way she gets when she's excited over anything.

I want to kick myself before I say it, hear myself saying the words and internally groaning, "Why would I ever take you to Chicago?"

I really want someone to kick me right now. Anyone. Immediately I know I could've said it differently. There's just too much I haven't told her to ever take her there. I see her eyes lower. I want to tell her I'm an idiot, want to tell her whatever I can so she knows it has nothing to do with her, that that place brings too much pain to me still. That I only go for funerals and the last burial made it so I would never want to go back. Instead, because I don't know how to backtrack, I say nothing. Not a damn word.

"Huey, honey, it's time you go to your fifth period" Ms. Lola says from the other side of the door, then we hear her footsteps as she starts walking away. "Jazmine" I start. I can see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes but instead of letting them spill, I see her swallow, close her lips and dart her eyes from left to right, I'm sure to dry out her eyes and not cry in front of me. "Jazmine, I" I start again, but she opens her mouth and cuts me off, "Huey, you have to go."

I inhale. Shit. I turn around and walk out of the room, walk down the hallway, see Jazmine's sister and Ms. Lola talking in one of the offices, but don't stop. I keep walking as fast as I can out of the main office.

After class I went straight back to the main office but didn't find either one of them. I didn't bother asking that girl. I could tell they were gone. I don't care to understand how I knew, but I knew she wasn't there. As soon as I walked in, scanned the office and didn't see either one of their backpacks or notebooks lying on the desks, I knew. "Huey, I'm not mad about earlier, so if you still want to" that girl is saying. I didn't bother responding. I turned around and started running down the hallway, towards the front of the school, made a left outside the gates, and started jogging to her house.

Once I'm front of her house I knock three times, forgoing the doorbell, and going straight to the emergency knock. I know this isn't an emergency. I'm aware that this goes against protocol, but I can't stop this sense of wanting to see her. Wanting to explain, at least part of it, if I can.

The door swings open and I see her sister. I start, "Cindy I have to talk to" but she cuts me off with, "I know McHater." She doesn't look mad. I don't like this. She continues, "After you left I went to see her and she was just sitting there, looking out the window, like she a zombie, not crying or bitching or talking 'bout your ass like usual." I inhale. How much does she talk about me? She says, "I asked her if she okay and she said she was fine, but I know when ma sis isn't fine, so I asked her again and she said she would tell me later, but she needed to process. I 'on't even know what that means." She looks down, exhales, crosses her arms over her body and leans back on the doorframe, very much like my brother, then says, "So I left her to do ma work and as soon as the bell ring ending fifth, she was at ma desk telling me it's time to go. I just thought she wanted to get out of them torture buildings, you know, like a normal kid, even though I know she anything but normal, but when we get to the bus stop, instead of her keep walking, she pulls out her emergency money and makes me get on the bus to get home faster. When we got home, she went straight up to her room and closed the door. Didn't say nothing on the way home either." She looks up at me and says, "You ma brother and a good one at that, but she ma big sister who's loved me through and through so just be good to her okay." She pushes herself off the doorframe, steps back, grabs her backpack off the floor, walks out of their house, passes me, and starts walking in the direction of my house. I hear her say from behind me, "I gots homework to do and I got to get on Riles about his so he keeps his grades up for next year when he tries out for the guys' basketball team at our school. Tell ma sis I'll be back laters."

I exhale, looking at the staircase. This needs to happen. I know that. Not because I want it to, but because after all I know about her, she deserves to know some part of me. I remember this feeling, the one I had on her birthday, of knowing I'd want to kick myself later for not having the courage to do something that seemed so hard at the time. _"I love your warm brain"_ she said a few weeks ago right before she fell asleep on my shoulder when she didn't think I was listening or possibly didn't even know she said it. I feel that warmth growing in my stomach. I take strong, purposeful steps towards the staircase, hoping she still thinks of it as warm after today.

* * *

Why did I even say those things to him? It's Huey after all. I mean he's always been like that. What did I expect? For him to sing me a sonnet about taking me to his hometown and showing me around, meeting his family, and having a picnic? I mean, Jazmine, what is wrong with you? Aside from that, he's only your best friend. That's all. Yes, I might have always thought he was cute and now think he's incredibly hot but he's still only my best friend, if he's even my friend now. I mean, we have always been best friends. There was nothing more than that. There has never been and will never be anything more than that. So, why did it hurt that bad when he asked why he would ever take me to Chicago? Like, there would never be a reason for us to be there together? Like he would never introduce me to his family, whoever they are, even if it's just a cousin, two dogs, and their one aunt I know about. I don't care how many family members he has or if any, I just want to be part of that part of his life. I want him to want them to meet me, to be proud to show me off as his best friend. I want him to. I want him to.

I want to cry. I want to cry so much, again. I only started crying after I was under my covers because I didn't want my sister to see and worry. She's been doing so well in school and Riley and her are having so much fun together, playing video games and actually studying without a care in the world. I don't want to bring sadness or drama into their lives. So, I locked my door, went under my covers and cried as silently as I could. Why was he so mean about taking me to Chicago one day? To see where he grew up? To meet any or all the members in his family? And then I know. He's embarrassed of me. He's embarrassed he knows me. That I hardly know anything about my father's culture. Does he even know that my mother's creole? I mean it shouldn't matter, but she is. But what if that's not enough. What if I'm too white for him to even be my friend? Too white to be something else to him? Something more? What do I even want to be to him?

"Jazmine." I freeze. Why is he here? How did he get here so fast? The next bus doesn't pass for another fifteen minutes. Did he run here? Why? He already told me he didn't see a reason in taking me to his hometown so why is he here? Why? Does he want to truly break my heart and tell me he doesn't even want to be my friend? I can't. I can't. I can't think about that or I'll start crying again. I'll just stay under the covers until he goes away.

"Jazmine, please, I" he says into the door. What? You what? You don't even like me as a friend, I know. Just go away Huey. Let me just be alone, because if you're not my friend, because if you're embarrassed of me, I'll just have to find a way to move on and hope my mom and sister are okay with me being around them twenty-four seven so I don't feel sad. I'm sure they can take turns. Riley cares about me so he'll understand that I need my sister a lot more now.

"Jazmine, please, let me just" he says. I can't. Just go away Huey. I hear him exhale. "Look Jazmine, there are some things you don't know, and I want to" then he stops. I hear him say in the direction of the floor, "Tell you." I feel my mouth open to tell him to just go away because I know what those things are that he wants to tell me. I'm annoying and childish at times and still haven't learned to land a good right kick so he doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

"Jazmine, just give me two minutes to explain why Chicago is," he stops again but this time, I don't know why, but I know he's struggling when he continues, "Hard for me." I could almost hear him swallow and then say, "And then you can decide if you still want to have anything to do with me" he says. What? Why would I not want to have anything to do with you? Is he in pain? I swear I can almost hear it. Huey. I throw the covers off my body before I know what I'm doing or why I was even under them to begin with, unlock the door, swing it open, and see him, falling on top of me. I close my eyes, but relax my body, remember it's the best way to avoid getting hurt when not being able to avoid falling. But, instead of the carpeted floor on my back, I feel I warmth around my waist. Then I remember, Huey was in pain. I open both eyes and see him, holding on to the door frame with his left arm and his right arm around my waist, holding on to me, lightly, like I'm precious.

I realize even during our sessions, he has yet to strike at me. Or at my sister. All he ever goes over is defense with us. He stands there and takes hit after hit from us, never complaining, just correcting us on our form and telling us just how an attacker would respond. He is my best friend isn't he.

"Huey, are you okay?" I ask, because I need to know. "Am I okay? You were the one that was crying right now" he responds. I remember I haven't used make up for some time now to hide the bags under my eyes that use to be there so I wouldn't have remembered to do it now to hide the crying. "I was only crying because my bestie is embarrassed of me" I say and then want to slap myself for saying that. I see those beautiful eyebrows rise and he says, "That's why you think I reacted the way I did when you said you wanted to go to Chicago together?"

The way he said it. Could I have been wrong? I shake my head. "Can we get out of his position first and then we can talk?" I ask, with him still holding me around my waist leaning on the doorframe with his other hand. His eyebrows lower and I could swear I see disappointment. Then he stands up, pulling me with him, upright. I fall forward into his chest and catch myself holding on to his biceps. I swallow. I feel his hand still on my waist. "Ahem, bestie, we should sit so we can talk okay?" I ask. I see his eyes flicker to a dark red, must be getting closer to five. I feel his hand drop away from my waist and I step back.

"Come in" I tell him. He steps in and walks over to my desk. I close the door and see him standing by my desk. I ask because I'm curious, "Is it going to be a long talk bestie?" He stares at me, just stares. I realize we're in my bedroom, alone in my house, with no one coming home for hours. I look away, embarrassed he might know what I'm thinking.

"Yes, it will be" he says. I immediately look back at him. I swallow, again. I must've not had enough water today. "Okay, let me get us some water first" I say, without letting him respond, I turn around and speed out of my room to get us some water and get me some air.

Once I'm back with the two glasses of water I see him sitting in my desk chair. I smile. Always such a gentleman, not wanting to sit on my bed. I walk up to him and hand him the glass of water. "Here you go" I say. He thanks me and puts the glass down on my desk, behind him, then turns back around to face me. I place my glass on my night stand and walk over to sit at the edge of my bed, closest to him.

"Okay, so what did you want to tell me?" I ask. He looks down and I see him open his palms face up, on top of his knees. He exhales. "It's" I hear him swallow, "It's my parents."

There have been several times in my life I stopped breathing, but the last few years it had to do with fear. In the last few months, I've learned that I also have that same response to excitement and joy, especially when it's about my best friend opening up to me. I don't care to understand why I respond in the same way. I'm just happy the catalyst for the response has changed.

I don't respond, knowing if I do he might close up like an oyster would if I try to get too close to its pearl. "You know the two times we've gone back to Chicago were because of funerals" he says. "The first one you already know was for an old friend of Grandad's. The second one was for my," he stops swallows something hard it looks like, and then says, "maternal grandmother." I want to ask what her name was and if they were close and if she baked him cookies, but I know he doesn't need questions right now. He continues, "I didn't go to the funeral," and I see him swallow again, but now it seems like vile down his throat. "She wasn't good to my brother and I." But why? How? How could any grandma not be good to you two? You two are the best gift, with all the fun and spirit and smarts any grandma could ask for. I want to ask but I don't. He doesn't need that right now. "Her, Grandad, and the life insurance company fought over our parents' life insurance for years." I see him look at my wall, behind me, but know he's not actually seeing it. "I was six and Riley was four, almost five, when it happened, the car crash. We moved in to Aunt Cookie's house with Grandad because his apartment was too small for all three of us. She also happened to live in the same district we had been living at with our parents, so we could keep going to the same schools. And really, there was no other family that could or wanted to take us in. Grandad," at this I see his burgundy eyes sparkle, "was the only one that didn't care how we all survived with little or no money, as long as we were with family." I hear myself breathe and then stop before I make a sound. He doesn't need sound right now, he needs stability. "We all lived in Aunt Cookie's two-bedroom house for four years, with very little, but with enough." I feel myself smile, knowing he's saying he's grateful.

I see his serious face turn into anger, looking at that point on my wall, remembering a bad time in his life I think. "I was too young to know about any of this but the legal battle over the life insurance proceeds between the three was still going on. During this entire time our maternal grandmother had not once come to see us at Aunt Cookie's house or even school, where she was free to show up at any time, regardless of the court case." He shakes his head and says, "Riley didn't take it well, thinking it had to do with them wanting a granddaughter after me." He looks at me and says more quietly, "I tried Jazmine. I tried telling his dumbass that those people weren't family and they didn't care for us so we shouldn't think about them, but he would cry all the time about them, to the point that kids started picking on him at school and I had to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure he wasn't getting his ass beat again. He's my brother and regardless of our differences I couldn't have him going through that." I see his shoulders beginning to shake and see his fists curl into themselves.

I stand up, knowing what he needs, grab his hands, that are so cold it's scary because they're his hands, place them on his sides, and sit on his lap. "Jazmine what are you" but this time, because it's what feels right, I cut him off, looking straight into his eyes and saying, "My body is warm, and your hands are freezing so put them around me so you can take some of my heat." Then I put my hands on his shoulders and squeeze them slowly and start massaging them. I hear him say, "Jazmine," but I stop him again saying, "Huey, you need to relax to continue talking about this and I know your shoulders get really tense when you stress out, so just let me help you."

He blinks, which is rare for him, and stares back at me. After three seconds, I counted, I feel his cold hands touch my bare lower back, reminding me that my shirt rode up when I was about to fall earlier. I focus on massaging his shoulders, already feeling them relax a bit.

I see him exhale and I inhale trying to calm that growing warmth I feel in my belly. I need to focus. I say, "Continue please."

He continues like what is happening in my room right now is not actually happening, "Four years after that mess of a case, where our mother's mother, because by then we had stopped referring to her as grandmother, kept trying to dig up dirt on how our parents had stolen money from her and used it to pay for the life insurance, which the judge never bought, and the life insurance company submitted false evidence trying to prove that our parents were backed up on their monthly payments and later on that they simply didn't make any payments which was backwards in my opinion, the judge ruled on our favor, well, Riley and mine." I see him exhale a breath I think he's been holding in for too long. "The judge found the life insurance company had to pay the due proceeds and even filing for bankruptcy wouldn't save them from their obligation. The money would have to be spent on the welfare of the deceased's children." I feel his body get cold again at the description of his parents, so I let me hands crawl to the back of his neck and start massaging. I feel him relax even further into the chair and continue, "She tried fighting for custody of us just to get whatever was left of the proceeds, knowing we didn't want to live with her, and would then just dump us with some other family member after." I feel myself stiffen, thinking of Huey and Riley being shipped from house to house like some creatures. They're so special. Luckily, I don't feel Huey stiffen anymore, so I continue to draw circles behind his neck, feeling the soft afro tickle my fingers. "The judge saw behind her scheme and granted permanent custody to Grandad. By then, with the attorney fees and court fees the proceeds had dwindled down to almost nothing. That's when I knew Grandad truly was the only one, aside from Aunt Cookie, that cared about our wellbeing." I feel my hands start moving up to his head, drawing spider webs in his soft afro. I also know he started massaging my lower back a few minutes ago, but for some odd reason I don't stop him. It feels not only right, but like the best feeling I've ever had in my life. "Grandad says the house was bought with the proceeds we received from our parents but really, he cashed out his retirement, the one he'd been saving for his entire life and placed the down payment on this house, along with half the mortgage, to give us the life our parents wanted for us, away from the gangs and drugs and the sick family members."

I feel his hands moving up my back, as they continue drawing what I guess are letters on it, getting close to the hook of my bra. I let him. "About two years ago, we went back to Chicago for her funeral, our mother's mother. The grave is right next to our parents." I feel his hands stop and then continue again slower this time. "I don't know why that is. I think it had to do with her last will, but it doesn't matter. It is what it is. What I care about is the fact that I can't go see my parents' graves, who are buried side by side, because she's next to them. A woman who tried to smear their good name just for money. That was her daughter and son-in-law and we were her grandsons and for what, a couple of thousand."

I notice I've been focused on his hair and how soft it really is. I've been playing with it this whole time, trying to tame the back end, slipping my fingers through it and pulling them out slowly so I don't tangle it any more than it is. The ends of his afro have a silky feel to them and curl at the end a bit. They keep curling around my fingers like they have a mind of their own. I look down and see his eyes. Deep burgundy. My eyes travel down to his lips and I see them move again, "I know if I ever go back again I want to pay my respects to my parents, but I can't do that without having to see her grave. It sounds selfish to me, almost like I'm throwing a tantrum, but I don't care. For once, I don't care, and I just don't want to see her grave." I look back up at his eyes, feeling his hands under the back of my bra strap now. I let him.

He says, "I'm not embarrassed of you. Whatever reasons you think I would ever be embarrassed of you are in your head, your very Jazmine-like head. What you said today at school, what you are, with your too caring at times self that gets you in trouble more times than I want to say, what you say you want to be. How could I be embarrassed of those things? You, are the only thing I've ever wanted to show Aunt Cookie."

That feeling, the one at the bottom of my belly. That feeling that only grows when I'm around him. That feeling that I've only felt for one person and I'm sure in my life I will only feel for one person ever, explodes.

I lick my lips because I don't know what else to do and then feel him sit up, square his broad shoulders, and bend down towards my face. The feel of his soft afro still between my fingers. I feel his nose graze my own and then slowly, ever so slowly, like he's trying to taste something that he's craved for so long it might not be real, his lips caress mine.

* * *

I have never cared about what people see when they look me, at least not after she started looking at me, started to spend those evenings on the hill listening to my ideas and conspiracy theories. Started to ask questions to better understand what it was I meant with every quote that meant anything to me. Why should I care what the world thinks of me kissing her? She's mine.

I remember I have never cared what the world deems as right or wrong when it comes to my personal life. As far as the world is concerned, it's going to take a lot of work on my end to be more than just another black man, but to her, I can be just what I am right now and that is enough.

"Huey" I hear her say as I tighten my hold on the bra strap, forcing myself to not go any further. I've never cared what people think. She's been my best friend the moment I returned from that funeral, and even before that, so why care now. I hadn't noticed, maybe because she's never sat on my lap while I made her moan my name, I don't want her to be my best friend anymore.

* * *

I hope to post in the next week or two. Thank you again for reading.

\- Bulma's Ego


	13. More than best friends and future

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

RabbitMelody: Thank you for your comment lol.

Urban Spurgeon: I loved Season one, and two and three and the comic strips to so there will be plenty of that if I can add it in. Thank you for your comment.

CHAPTER 13:

I feel electricity. No. It's a buzzing. A low buzz. It's coming from the lower part of my brain, I think. Like something turning on for the first time, trying to understand the purpose for its existence. I can feel it moving in a circular motion, that buzz. I can almost see it. Atoms. Small, tiny, what I think most of the time are insignificant, particles that build up to bigger things, grander things, things the eye can see. Things like nails and hands and eyes and noses. Things like skin and lips and air and smell. Things like hair and clothes and sounds of squeaking chairs. Things like sunlight and dust. Things like teeth and tongues and flavor. These things build up to even grander, immense things, like kisses and bites and licks.

"Huey" I hear myself say in a voice I've never heard before. This voice comes with a need for more. I have no idea what that more is. What could it be? I know what sex is. I've known since having that talk with my mom last year. I know the physical things that happen, mostly. That's kind of easy, because you can talk about that in actions. But what we're doing is not sex. It's, different. Lust. I think I know what lust is but only because of things I looked up online, not personally, at least not until right now. So, how do you describe lust? Is it an action or just a description of feelings? I want more of something and if I take whatever that more is to answer that lust, does that make lust an action? What if I just sit here, on his lap, with his hands holding on to my bra strap, and let this continue, doing nothing in return, letting him kiss me, sucking on my upper and then my lower lips? Asking for nothing in return. Does that make lust a description, because I asked for nothing? How do you make lust into an action?

Then I remember my own words on our hill.

_"When did you become so stubborn?" He asks, and I see his eyebrow rise and that hallmark smirk of his. "Just now" I say and continue, "or rather in the last few weeks, realizing just how much I want things and there's no better time than right now to have them" I say. And I believe it._

Too long. Too long did I stay still, waiting, just waiting for things to change. During those years he stood there, watching, waiting for me to ask for help. And I stood there, saying nothing. I don't want that anymore. I don't want descriptions. I want actions.

So, I breathe, stealing air through his partly open lips and pull his head in with my hands that are still tangled in his afro, deeper into whatever this is, so there is no separation between our lips, not even for air. Then, slowly, I suck his bottom lip, watch him open this mouth, tilt my head to the right just enough to kiss him again, with our mouths still open, and stick my tongue into his mouth, tasting his lips. He lets me. And then I feel it, his tongue, and caress the tip of it with my own.

I hear him groan and then feel a push on my torso, using those wonderfully large hands of his to separate me from those warm lips. Those lips belong to me. "Jazmine" he says, breathing in air and possibly water, guessing from his Adam's apple bopping. He looks at me with wide eyes and small pupils, focusing. That's what lust looks like. I wonder if he sees that on my face.

He closes his mouth, bends his head completely down and I feel my hands come back down to his shoulders, away from what seemed like volcanic hair. "Jazmine, I shouldn't have" he starts. I start to panic. I don't know what's happening, but I don't want this to end. Can't we have this and be best friends to? I want all of it. The moon, the stars, the sun, all of it. I want all of you Huey.

I swallow the fear in my mouth, down my throat, because there's no better time than right now. I say, "Huey, look at me." I don't know why I asked for that. I can barely talk thinking about what just happened, but I need to see his eyes, those dark burgundy eyes I've thought about too many times, alone, in this room.

He tilts his head back up. My eyes start at his chin, that chiseled chin he must've gotten from some African royal family, then his mouth, the bottom lip pink like Easter Sunday that I use to celebrate so long ago, the top one just a bit darker and possibly sweeter, both full and now I know softer than my own, that perfect nose I only knew I would miss the day he came back from that funeral with a band aid on it, those cheek bones that would make any cover girl envious, that skin, flawless but for some small acne scars I only know about because Riley told me, seeing as Huey couldn't care less about that stuff, and that color of his, the beautiful mocha color of his skin, possibly unique to the Freemans, that color that reminds me of melted milk chocolate you could have after every single meal, then his eyes, those Freeman eyes I know I'll never see outside of his family, that makes me hope he has lots of children that he can pass that gene to, then his forehead, which I just noticed I've never seen without creases or some indication of annoyance, until right now, and finally that hair, that afro I could lose myself in if he just let me swim in it all day. Then I start my descent down, back to that forehead and then his eyes. Lust staring right back at me.

Was he staring at me right now just like I had been staring at him? Is it possible he feels the same way about me? I feel my eyes blink, trying to understand what it is that's happening here.

"Jazmine, I shouldn't" he tries to start again. I know what he's going to say. I know him better than he thinks I do. "Huey" I say. He stops and closes his mouth. I remember this feeling, in the hospital. When I woke up and found him sitting next to my bed. That day, that moment, he had been waiting for something. Something from me. What was it?

I start thinking about us and all these steps and pieces that led up to this moment. All these pieces laid out nicely for us. Each piece planted one step at a time. The piece of us liking to spend time with each other more than with anyone else. The piece that's the trust we feel for each other, that he confirmed for me on our hill just a few months ago. That trust that leads to protectiveness we feel towards each other. I see now that was the biggest reason I didn't tell Huey about my home life. I didn't want him getting hurt in the process of protecting me. I've always wanted to protect him. And those are just the emotional pieces. There are all the mental pieces to. This connection we have where I can tell what he's thinking sometimes, what he needs at that moment, and then how he's also somehow always done the right thing for me at the right moment, at least in my opinion. Then the more outspoken physical pieces that connect us. This need to be with him at least every few days. He's never said it but, I think, he craves that connection to. The most he's expressed it was after that text message when I didn't hug him for three days. I didn't touch him for three days and he was feeling it, more than I was. And prior, those times he had left for Chicago, both of us coming straight to the hill on the day of his arrival, knowing we needed to see each other, but not knowing why. All these puzzle pieces adding up to why we fit so well. Regardless of what world we live in, regardless of the world we're ever placed in, I think, these fundamental pieces of our relationship will remain the same. These pieces that makeup our relationship will always be carved out perfectly.

But there has been that one piece missing to the puzzle, leading to why we've only been best friends until now. It could have also been that we weren't ready, what with our age and all, or possibly that we really were just not ready to take this step in general. But there's always been that piece. That missing link. I think of who he is. Who is Huey? The boy I've known for five years. The man he's becoming in front of my eyes. The best friend I would lay down in the middle of a busy intersection for. The boy that grew up in that situation, watching family fight over money, one person in specific, that didn't care what it was doing to him or his brother. How he managed to come out of that and be him. Be Huey. Be my Huey. Be the warm, respectful, strong man I want to kiss over and over.

I blink. I know. I know what he's waiting for. I know why he's reluctant. I want to scream that I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I found the puzzle piece. The one that would bridge that gap from best friends to something more. That piece that's been holding us back from taking that step that can finally end this waltz we had become accustom to. Dancing around our feelings for each other for years now, possibly the moment we were both semi aware of our attraction for the opposite sex. Yes, I've had other crushes. I've known that other guys look at me. I've known other boys that were cute and even some that were hot, but none compared to him, ever. None I wanted like I want him. That's why I waited. That's why I was so scared with Mark. I didn't want my first kiss, let alone my first anything else, to be with anyone else but him. Huey. How didn't I see it before? I want to slap myself for not seeing it until now.

That puzzle piece is my permission. I inhale happiness. How did I get so lucky with someone that, regardless of his surroundings, was raised right? He's always been a gentleman, through and through. That's partially why he takes such precaution with everything, well that and his very real paranoia of the government infiltrating our lives.

"Huey" I say again and see him swallow. I want to touch his Adam's apple. Focus Jazmine. I inhale whatever courage is still left in my bedroom and say, "You have my permission."

* * *

I have never needed water this much. I hear her again, or maybe for the first time since she said my name in that voice. She says my name again. I feel like I've been on autopilot since that moment. The moment that shouldn't have happened if I were a better person, a better man. If I had more control over of my hormones, my wants, like I was raised to be. Damn it to hell. I was supposed to be better. Better than them. How can I do that now when I'm taking instead of giving? I'm just like them. It starts with this, one kiss, and then it goes on to other things. Things like comfort and security. Things that family takes. That family. I'm just like them. All we were doing was talking about them and I start acting like them. What the hell.

What? What did she say? Did she just say I have her permission? Wait. How? How did she know?

"How?" I hear myself say and for once I don't care how stupid that question sounds.

She blinks those green eyes that, I will be honest with only myself and say, have to be the brightest green I've ever seen.

"What do you mean how? Huey you hate when people ask that question. That and why" she says and smiles that one smile just for me.

"How did you know I would ask for your permission to kiss you? That I should have?" I ask. I should have. I should have for her. She's always deserved that consideration, over anyone else. She's always been there, keeping me sane. I shouldn't be saying these things out loud though, without filtering my thoughts first. Focus Huey.

"Because I know you Huey. I know the kind of boy you've always been" she says, and then blushes, making my lower region harder to hide, and says, "And the kind of man you are today." Before I can tell her she doesn't know what she's talking about she continues, "And I know you might think I don't know what I'm saying, because you think you're the only one that knows Huey, that knows your thoughts, and very real feelings you try to hide from the world, but I do know you Huey, through and through."

I swallow for the fiftieth time today. I don't like this. I can barely understand my feelings around her on a normal day. I might not want to be best friends anymore, that's true. But, I don't know what I want, and I don't like that feeling. I've always known what I want, and better yet, have never hid behind cowardliness or embarrassment. But, I don't understand these feelings well enough yet and I don't want to mix them up even more. I already feel this illogical need to protect her and anyone she cares about because if they get hurt she would feel pain. I already have to deal with idiotic moments of jealousy because guys, who have a right to look at her, look for more than two seconds. Then there are moments I'm sure I will take to my grave. Moments where I see no other way to fulfill my goals without her somewhere in the picture. And even more inconceivable are the moments where I think she might have more say in those goals and how to achieve them than I would ever want anyone, other than myself, to have. Sometimes I even question my views on life and whether I'm living it appropriately, believing most people have ulterior motives for any and all their actions, because she doesn't believe that. She believes people are mostly good whereas I believe, based on my own experiences and knowledge about this world, that people are mostly self-centered imbeciles and will do whatever is necessary to meet their own selfish ends. Case in point, Tom and Mark.

But, Jazmine. She's practically my opposite. So then, why this need to be around her? To protect her? Even when Tom wasn't a lingering threat and assholes like Mark, as my brother to eloquently put it, weren't attacking her, I still checked on her. I still met her on that hill. I was aware that was the only place the government couldn't touch and still she was the only person I would meet there. She was the only one allowed up there with me. Why?

I need time to analyze this. I need time to understand the ins and outs of how it all functions. Why it functions to begin with. I need to take it apart and put it back together to understand the parts thoroughly like I did with the Black Power Fist. But the Black Power Fist had specific instructions I downloaded from the internet with a few tweaks I made on my own of course. But this won't be that easy. All this thinking and research and understanding takes time and overall, thoroughness. It takes time and energy I cannot afford to expend in order to stay on top of going through the video cameras recording the perimeter of their house every week, along with training Jazmine and her sister, and working at the shelter, and school work and the cameras I have not set up at the nursing home yet.

"Hueyyy" I hear her voice taking me out of my train of thought. She's still sitting on my lap. Luckily, with all this thinking, I don't think I'm hard anymore and can probably move without her noticing it. I realize all this thinking I'm doing is also, primarily, to not focus on the real problem, the real reason this thing between us cannot happen.

"Jazmine, I have to think about all of this" I say and start standing. She slides off my legs and looks down as she walks in front of me again. I try using that moment to adjust myself, which reminds me that I was wrong and I'm still hard. My luck.

"No" she says, still looking down with her hands on her side. I try to stop whatever she's going to say with, "Jazmine, just give me some time" but she cuts me off with, "Huey, no. You don't need time to think about this. I have a feeling you're running away from this and for someone as brave as you, having gone through what you have, that's just, childish" she says and then looks up at me.

I inhale quickly and remember this is Jazmine and I need to reel in my temper. I exhale, trying to relax, close my eyes, trying to meditate for a few seconds. I open my eyes and see her standing there, unafraid of my temper.

"We've lived in front of each other for five years Huey. I've seen you lose your temper at your brother and at the government. I can handle you" she says. When did she become this stubborn?

"When" I say, trying to relax, "Did you become this damn stubborn Jazmine?" She responds, "You know the answer to that. But what I don't know is why you're using whatever excuses are in your head to not let us work." No. She can't figure this out and I'm not going to tell her.

"End of conversation Jazmine" I say and move around her. I hear her steps coming after me and, knowing I'm faster and I can outrun her to the door, I let her get to it first.

"Huey" she says as she places her body against the door. "Why? Why don't you think we could work?" she asks. "We're not having this conversation Jazmine" I tell her again. I see her eyes lower and she says, "Are we not even besties anymore?"

"What?! Jazmine what does that have to do with anything?!" I yell. I know I'm yelling but why can't she see one has nothing to do with the other. Being best friends, if that's what she wants to call us, is completely different than being in a relationship. Why. Can't. She. See. That? She doesn't flinch at my yell though and I exhale in relief.

"Then what does it have to do with Huey? If it's about me, that I'm not good enough for you then at least tell me. I already told you I give you permission to kiss me all you want. I know you felt bad about that because your family raised you to always ask. I get it and I'm grateful you're like that. So, what's the problem? I mean it has to be me right? I'm just not prettier than those girls at school or more attractive and capable than some of the girls you've probably met in Chicago on your visits. I know it. That has to be it" she says, still looking down and inhales that peace I'm sure I was taking in when I was kissing her before I willingly like an idiot pushed her away.

Before I can tell her how wrong she is. That I've never met anyone like her, and I know I never will, like I know Grandad will run out of orange juice by the end of today so I should go to the store to get him some more after this. That she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met, and I know she will continue to be that as we get older, like I know Riley's artistic genius and athletic skills will make him unstoppable and an inspiration to our community one day, regardless of his dumbass ideas like the one he had of spray painting their wedding picture on our house. That I know she is more capable than anyone I've known here or in Chicago, getting through her own hurdles, alone, trying to protect her mother and possibly me, which is asinine considering I could hurt Tom by pushing him too hard, like I know we need to go see Aunt Cookie soon to make sure she's taking her diabetes medication like the doctor told her to. That this, what is happening right now, has nothing to do with her. That the only thing I've wanted since we moved here is exactly what's in this room and the reason I'm rejecting her is the complete opposite of what she thinks.

Before I can say any of those things, she says, "It's because of me. I know it. You wouldn't lie to me. You only have to think about things that you don't understand and usually because you're trying to fight them. You're trying to fight your feelings for me, and I can only imagine it has to do with me being me." She stops, slides off the door onto the wall. I see her swallow, then grabs the doorknob with her right hand, twisting it in her direction, opposite of how you would normally twist a doorknob, like I'm sure she learned to do when she wanted to hide behind the door and open it to hear her parents argue to make sure her mother was fine. She licks her lips and I feel my knees get weak. How does she do this damn it? Black belt since I was ten! Ten!

I see those lips I want to taste again move and she says, "I'm sorry Huey. I didn't mean to force myself on you. I must've seen something that wasn't there. I've always known you deserve the best and although I'm no less than that, maybe, I'm just not what you want." She exhales, then says again, what will do it to break my resolve, "But know you have always been my best friend, even if I wasn't always yours, and if you want to talk about your family or Chicago or the revolution to overthrow the system, I'll always be here, ready to go past the second light post." Then she exhales one last time, a final exhale it seems like, accepting the way things are, but with no less dignity than she had an hour ago. She turns the doorknob and cracks the door.

I feel my myself move faster than I want and slam the door shut, watching her jump back, pressing her shoulders against the wall. For the first time in my life, I think I might be wrong about everything. About me, about my family, about her. Everything that's ever meant anything to me. Why am I shaking? Why am I angry?

"Why are you using that voice?" I hear myself say.

"What?" she says and blinks the glossiness in her eyes.

"Why are you using that voice damn it? The one that you use when you think you're whining? The one you would use every single time you would call, the day after they had a fight, and wouldn't tell me what was happening, but just wanted to go for a walk. A walk Jazmine!" I'm yelling again. I need to reel it in but she's wrong. So wrong.

"Huey I" she says. "No Jazmine! You only use that voice when you're hurt. Really hurt! And only I would ever notice. Not your other friends or teachers or Mr. Willis or even Grandad. No one but me!"

"Huey I'm so" she says. "No Jazmine! Don't you dare say you're sorry" I say. I can't stop this. I need to control these emotions. But she's using that voice. That voice. "That's the voice that should've told me something was wrong. That's the damn voice. The voice that should have been my beacon to do something. Anything!" I say. Her eyes are wide, but I don't see fear in them.

"Huey, please, let me explain" she says. "No more explaining Jazmine. I don't want to know why you didn't tell me. I want to know what happened. Everything! As you process everything that's been going on these last few years, I want to know everything! No more lies! You say you're my best friend, then act like it!" I see her close her mouth, eyes still wide, but still, I don't see fear in them.

She opens her mouth again to be who she is, Jazmine, and says in that same voice, "But you don't even want to be my best friend anymore Huey. And I get it. I'm annoying sometimes and childish and I still have so much to learn about my culture" she says, but I don't want to hear this anymore, so I cut her off, "Jazmine!"

I see her close her mouth this time. Good. I need to think. How do I do this? What do I do? I can set up rescue missions in my sleep, but I can't tell her the truth. I can't just say it. My parents said it, live a purposeful life and be honest in your actions. I'm sure of it. I'm sure they said it to us. I feel myself pacing back and forth, from one end of her bed to the other.

"It's that damn voice of yours always in my head" I say. "It's that voice that tells me when something's wrong and I should've listened to it." She tries to cut me off with, "Huey, but" but I cut her off this time with, "Jazmine I'm not done," still pacing back and forth, cornering her to her spot on the wall.

"It's that voice that I would hear when I was waiting in Aunt Cookie's house for Grandad and Riley to come back from that fucken funeral" I say. "That voice that kept telling me to relax, that it was fine if I didn't go, that she wasn't family, and that you would be here waiting when I came back from that place." I hear myself saying these things, knowing it's Jazmine, not caring that she finally knows because I've been wanting to tell her for two years now. "You use that voice to tell me you're hurt but all I heard was words you would use to calm me, from my situation, not thinking about your own. Instead of focusing on the voice, I focused on the words. Those damn words. That voice telling me I'm not a piece of shit for not going to that funeral, for not sucking it up, and just growing up, regardless of what happened when we got there. Showing up because that's what you do with family, regardless of how you feel about them." I stop, and feel myself sit on her bed, which I would normally not do knowing she's a girl and it's not appropriate. I look down at my open hands, those hands I got from that family. The height I'll probably get from them to seeing as I'm already taller than Grandad. Shit.

"Shit!" I hear myself say. "I look like them. I'll look like them even more later. They're my family and they treated us like garbage because our father wasn't part of their old money. And because our mother didn't want to live like them, flaunting what they stole from others. So, she left them and began a life with my father, a man with a meager job as a school teacher, who had done his military service, like Grandad, and had chosen to not return into the service when he met our mother. They lived a simple life, never asking from her family. We were happy." I remember. I swallow. We were happy. I feel her sit on the bed to my left and see her place her small hands in mine. The hands that belong to that family. She squeezes them. I feel her washing the greed and selfishness off them.

"I didn't even go to the funeral Jazmine" I say. Because I didn't and that thought has stayed with me since. "Grandad and Riley went" and I feel myself swallow that vile again. "And they came back half an hour later, saying they weren't allowed in because they weren't invited, not being of the same class as that family is." I feel my hands squeezing her hands, wanting to absorb something. "They weren't even allowed in to pay their respects to a woman that tried to take the very little our parents left us. They were just showing up to the damn funeral, not the burial." I feel the arch of my back tense, like it does when I'm too angry, past a certain point. I feel her get up and move, not letting go of my hands. She kneels a few inches away from my knees. I know she would be between my legs if she were to move up just three inches.

"Do you think you're like those people Huey?" she asks, looking at me with those greens. Forest green. The Chinese woman said green signifies cleanliness and purity from contamination. Maybe some folk tales are worth analyzing.

"Huey, you are nothing like those people. Nothing" she says. "You would never do that to anyone, regardless of their blood relation to you. You and your brother were raised by your parents, your Aunt Cookie, who I can't wait to meet one day, and Grandad, who's the only one that can ever call me cutie pie because that name belongs to him. Those are the people you come from. That is who you are. You might look like those people, I'm sure, but only because it's something you can't control but remember you are a Freeman. You look like Grandad, which means you must look like your father." She stops when she sees me flinch at the last part. She let's go of my hands and I feel them crawl up my arms to my shoulders. I instantly relax when I feel her warm hands on my shoulders, closing my eyes, just for a few seconds.

She continues, "You have the Freeman eyes and skin tone, the Freeman stance and Freeman humor." I huff and still with my eyes closed, roll them. "Don't you roll your eyes at me Huey Freeman because you know I'm right."

I open my eyes and see her there, her hair just as strong and soft as it was this afternoon in history class, darker now than it was when we met, just like the face it's framing, the one she doesn't hide anymore with makeup and still she's more beautiful than any of the girls I've seen here or in Chicago. The face I wake up thinking about most mornings now, always after my nocturnal emissions, thankful my brother sometimes falls asleep in the guest room. Those dreams I push to the back of my mind because she's my friend and I was sure would feel insulted if she knew I dreamed about her that way. I feel her warm hands on my shoulders, rolling her fingers over the place where my shoulders and neck meet. Her small fingers being able to get into the joints that are always sore after one of my solo sessions. Maybe I should have her over after my sessions. Focus Huey.

"Do you think that you're not allowed to be happy because you're connected to them?" she asks. Yes, but I don't say it. She continues, "Do you think you're going to somehow turn out like them and treat your friends and family like that one day?" she asks. Yes, but I don't answer. I see her lick those lips. I want to taste her tongue again. "Do you think you don't deserve me because of them and the decisions you were forced to make, as in not showing up for the funeral of a woman that treated you and your brother horribly?" she asks. Yes, to that one. Someone like me, with that family, doesn't deserve you, but I don't answer. "Do you think making any other decision than the one you made, which was not showing up and in doing so telling them you didn't want to be part of their family either, would have been better?" She asks. I feel myself inhale quickly, knowing where she's going to end with this. "You're going to tell me to let it go and move on because I'm sure some of them aren't that bad and the world isn't as horrible as I think it is" I say.

I feel her fingers stop kneading my shoulders and stop myself from telling her to continue, only to see her forehead scrunch up, see her suck in her lips, biting the lower one. I remember how wet they were after I kissed them the first time. Then I see her mouth move again and she says, "Of course not. Those were horrible people. Now answer my question Huey. Do you think making any other decision than the one you made would have been better?" she says.

I don't think about it because I don't lie to myself. I might evade certain topics and deflect on information others don't need to know about, but I don't lie to myself. "No" I say. I see her forehead become smooth again and she smiles in that Jazmine way that says she just found a jewel and she's not letting it go. She says, "Then, aside from everything else, that also makes you better than them and nothing like them." I feel my eyebrows rise and she laughs through her nose. Adorable. "Huey, you don't see it. You made a decision and stuck with it. And even if you would've changed your mind it would only be after thorough thought and planning on your part. You make decisions and stick with them and only when it's what's best for everyone, sometimes not including yourself, like you did when you let me and my parents into your house during the fried chicken flu week" she says and then licks her lower lip.

I'm going to bite her lower lip once this conversation is done.

She continues, "Those people, on the other hand, more than likely made decisions on the fly, only thinking about themselves and how they could win the fastest way possible, which is one of the many reasons they lost the court case I'm sure, aside from them just being in the wrong." She tilts her head and looks down, sorrowful I think, and says, "Being selfish and cruel is part of who they are. I know that by knowing just how they treated a daughter that was humble and intelligent and gave them a loving and hardworking son-in-law and two amazing grandsons."

I want to tell her how amazing she is. She looks up and says, "You are Huey Freeman. Freeman. Brother of Riley Freeman and grandson to Robert Jebediah Freeman, nephew to Aunt Cookie, and the cousin to I hope lots of more Freeman. I know who you are Huey. So, if you ever forget just ask me. But do not let who those people are and the decisions you had to make, which I happen to completely agree with, dictate who you think you are and what you do with your life."

I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to fight it all by myself anymore. I want her at my side, whether I have to follow her to whatever college known for medicine or activism she goes to, or she'll follow me, it doesn't matter. I'll still fight for my people throughout my education and professional career, but maybe at the end of the night, later, when we're older, done with college and have some security, trying to save up for a house, I might not feel so sore after she uses those hands on me.

I put both my hands behind me on her bed, pushing my body up and forward, then lowering myself on to the floor, spreading my legs on either side of her, with my knees up, and rest my arms on my knees. I see her eyes get big, and the evening sun reflect off her forest green eyes and that color-changing stone that goes from morning jade to evening forest green, a triangle leading me in the direction of whatever salvation I don't think I deserve, but she still wants to give me.

With her hands still on my shoulders, she starts to scoot forward, into me. I have to warn her. "Jazmine, you might not want to come any closer." She stops, confused, then looks down and I see her go from rosy cheeks to completely red all over. I feel my smirk but don't care to hide it this time. She looks up and says, "I'm not ready for that, but can we kiss?"

I can't help the internal groan, knowing my body is asking for something that we're both not ready for. Focus Huey. I just want to enjoy her. Enjoy. I haven't used that word in a long time. I respond honestly, like I was raised to be, and say, "Of course." I see her swallow and hope I can kiss that part of her one day to. She scoots in more, pass my knees now. Finally, I grab her hips and lean in to bite that lower lip and follow it by kissing the top one. I feel her shudder, not knowing if it was from the kiss or my hardness pressed against her stomach, but I realize she makes me shudder.

Then, I remember I have her permission to kiss her all I want. So, I do. She's more than my best friend now. She might be my future.

* * *

Thank you again for reading. I'm on a roll so I'm going to keep updating as soon as I'm done with every chapter, but I do look forward to your comments/suggestions.

\- Bulma's Ego.


	14. Trying

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Hi everyone. So, this is a long one. How do I start this? Well, I thought about changing the rating on the story based on this chapter, but honestly, I'm confused about the ratings. So, if anyone of you thinks I should change the rating to M, please don't squeal on me with the website, just PM me and let me know and I'll change it. As you all know, my story's pretty clean cut. Not a lot of cursing or over the top violence. I do like the show's fighting scenes and I hope to integrate them later. But at this point I'm starting to add more sexual content to it. Everyone is still pretty young so there won't be a lot of it, but some. But again, if at any point anyone thinks I should up the rating from T to M, just let me know through a PM. I appreciate the great reviews and the overall support. Thank you and I hope you all enjoy.

COMMENTS:

ThickBlackGirl: Thank you for your comments on the last two chapters. I think I focus too much on the characters, but I can't stop myself from doing it. There will be a lot more action and movement from here on, but I do feel their relationship needs a good understand as to why and how it works. Oh! Let me know what song that was you were listening to, if you remember it. PM me if you want. And, what does "oop" mean? I know that sounds like a stupid question but I gotta ask. I looked it up and the internet don't know either LOL.

CHAPTER 14:

I blush, thinking about it. Why can't I stop this warmth going through my body? It starts in my stomach, then expands, like warm water seeping into the dry cracks of my bones. It's been over a week now that it happened, that it started. I swear everyone knows. Stop being paranoid Jazmine. It must be the cold getting to me. I should've brought my sweater. I know, I know, Huey. I roll my eyes and can't help but giggle. He's so cute sometimes. We had an entire ten-minute conversation about this, one that almost got us in trouble with our homeroom teacher.

_Thankfully we're on time again. I exhale as I sit in my seat, next to my bestie. I'm so excited the school year is almost over and then summer vacation. Then I can spend the summer with my sister and bestie and Riles. God or Santa or the WFP, or whatever it is that brings food to little kids around the world, please make me stop calling him 'Riles' in my head, his name is Riley and he's like my little annoying brother I want to throw a thousand pillows at most of the time, followed by good drop kick. Riley, Riley, remember it Jazmine. Okay, now moving on. Why were those guys looking at me? We always walk down the same hallways to homeroom and see basically the same students, so why did it seem like they were staring at me? Talking about me? My shorts are the appropriate length, no higher than two and a half inches from my knees. Same with my cami that covers my belly completely. So, why am I feeling insecure? Grow up Jazmine. These people don't matter._

_But then there's the other issue. The issue of Huey. I can feel his temperature rising again. What's wrong? It's been fluctuating since I came back from my locker. He looked fine when I got back, just leaning on his locker like usual, looking down, probably thinking about setting up those cameras outside of the nursing home I am totally against, but he won't listen to me. He never listens to me. Focus Jazmine. I did see a girl here and there, that I know have no business in this hallway and only pass by to look at him and I thought maybe that was it and he was finally getting tired of it. But that was before homeroom and he's still acting like this._

_So, I turn to my left, to the desk between the window and my own. I remember that first day, last semester, when we almost walked in late, and saw these two seats in the back of the class. I feel my eyes roll. I didn't even think about it, just sat in this seat, knowing he likes being next to the window for the same reason he likes sitting closest to the front door when we're in my living room. He's looking at his notebook, holding the edges, and I see his knuckles turning white. Another indicator of his bad mood. These things I notice now are things I've always known, like how his temperature rises when he's mad, or drops when he's thinking about something terrible. These ways I know him have always been there, but I think, maybe, I'm just becoming attune to them now. Or possibly, I'm just now letting it happen. Letting what used to be a weak connection become stronger and even flexible, bendable. He did say my training would help me concentrate and even help me focus more. I'll have to look into that later. He looks up, possibly feeling me looking at him, then turns to look at me. I can see that look, the one where he's focused on something, trying to figure it out. His hair's a little stiffer than usual, more upright. Didn't think that was possible, but weirder things have happened lately, like us kissing._

_"What's wrong?" I ask. His eyes travel down to my necklace. I grab the stone, knowing I don't like it being exposed, but not being able to do anything about it because I'm wearing a cami. "Where's your sweater?" he asks._

Then it took ten minutes of me whispering and him not caring about keeping his voice down, even if the teacher kept looking at us. I told him I hadn't brought one, but I would be fine. He thought I had stuffed it in my backpack before leaving the house. I told him it was hot outside and didn't want to be carrying it around all day. He said I could've put it in my locker when I didn't need it and I reminded him that my locker is pretty far away from most buildings and I'm so indecisive with everything, including whether I should leave my sweater in my locker or carry it around, I probably would've ended up carrying it around school all day. I left out the part that he only likes me going to my locker in the morning and after lunch to change my books out because I didn't want other students hearing, embarrassing him even more. As it is I've been trying to cut back on my 'bestie' nickname for weeks now, knowing it does embarrass him. Huey. So cute sometimes. So, not caring about me having to carry around my sweater all day, he reminded me that the school was going to start turning on the air conditioning earlier in the day now that it was summer and I would be cold by mid-morning. I told my bestie to not worry. He finally looked forward, but I could tell he was still angry about something. I knew I would bug him about whatever else was bothering him later today until he gave in, so I let it go.

But now, I'm cold, sitting in the cafeteria, in my new khaki cuffed shorts and long yellow cami, waiting for my bestie and little sister. It'll be easier next year when Riley's here, so I have someone to keep me company when my sister's running late or practicing with her basketball team and Huey's off in his locker, fine tuning the instructions to the revolution, which I'm sure he's doing right now. I saw the journal in his locker the other day. I laugh, not believing he's actually bringing it to school now. I should get him another one soon.

I look around the cafeteria, sitting at our table that faces the entrance to the cafeteria. I start to realize, this is probably the best table in here. I can see everything. But why do we even have this table? I mean Huey and I are only Freshman, with junior and varsity jocks, popular crowds, nerds, and geeks. I mean we have it all here. Yes, mostly upper-middle class, but thankfully not all the same ethnicity. There's blacks, Hispanics, Asians, middle eastern people, south American, south Asian, and even a few Russian. Yes, the white population outnumbers those small clusters, but it's nice that most are integrated into other groups.

There is the occasional racist though, like Rallo. Who I know, because I made sure, has not bothered my sister since Riley reminded him she's well taken care of. That, and apparently, someone started a rumor about my sister dating Riley just because she called Huey her brother, which has given her additional protection. How does that even make sense? How does someone go from thinking two people are brother and sister, symbolically, to that girl dating that guy's real brother? I shake my head. I feel bad for whoever that person is. But back to my musing. Being connected to Riley in that way has giving my sister extra protection. Riley, who doesn't even come to this school, is well known even here for his basketball skills at his own middle school, his connections with what people think is the mafia, which is really just Ed and Rummy, and his own fighting skills, which rival most guy's skills in this school, and lastly, for being Huey's brother. There's also something about Riley that's not as well known, other than by us, mom, and Grandad. Riley is super smart. Like really smart. He just chooses to not show it in his studies, but in his logic and his art. I mean what kind of eight-year-old runs a fundraiser like it's a pyramid scheme, which I still don't really understand, acting like the boss of it all, all for self-profit? It was like he was a real gangster, the ones that still scare me. I mean smart. He knew to not go to war because war is bad for business. He will be running multibillion-dollar companies one day, I'm sure selling more than chocolate bars.

But back to my Cindy. My sister has the protection of Riley's reputation and the protection of Huey, who she's been calling brother for a week now, which is kind of weird to me, but again, weirder things have happened lately. And if I'm honest with myself, it feels nice that she thinks of him in that way, kind of like what the future might hold for us one day. Okay, maybe my bestie's right when he says I do go off on tangents. Focus Jazmine. What was I thinking about? Oh, my sister's protection. There's also another factor to Rallo not messing with her. Huey. Everyone knows Huey and being his little sister has its perks. There's the rumor that Huey is an ex-assassin for the FBI, code name Spawn, and he's killed over a hundred people. I mean, who started that rumor? I mean that's just one of his favorite movies and he's only told me ever, so who would start such a rumor? I laugh again. I mean it's not all on me. The man's handled several guys at a time and it being high school, it's usually made public the next day. So, although Rallo is still around, only because my sister didn't want mom to get him kicked out after I forced her to tell mom by reminding her she's our number one supporter and needs to know, I'm not concerned with him. My wonderful sister. She asked mom to not get him kicked out, if only to watch him squirm when he sees her, specially knowing mom's becoming pretty well known for her court cases. Our mother reluctantly agreed but said if she finds out he even looked at her wrong he's going to be sent with the alligators where Mark is. Our wonderful mother. So, I'm not worried about my sister as much. Oh, and then there's the fact that my sister and I are getting better at defense moves, enough that my bestie has moved on to teaching us attack moves.

So, I guess that's why we have this table. I want to laugh. Huey, my sis, and Riley in spirit, there combined power and reputations. But then, there's me. People don't mess with me. Why? I'm sitting here alone at this table, waiting for my friends, but no one's come up to hassle me at a school where bullying does happen. Here and there I'll see a guy or two look in my direction, sometimes even a girl, then look away. Weird. Who cares. Life's awesome. I should start setting up for us.

I open the brown bag with our lunch and take out the sandwiches we made this morning. My sister started helping me make them last week, after my episode of coming home and locking myself in my room. I think I worried her. My worrywart gangster sister. She doesn't know what happened with Huey, but she suspects, I think. I'm grateful for that text she sent, but I still haven't had a chance to ask her about it. After that day she's been at the Freeman house with Riley a lot more, I think giving Huey and me some space. I really do have to talk to her about this at some point.

I start counting them as I lay them on the table. Two for my sister, with meat of course, because she loves her meat like our mom, two for myself, one with meat, and four for Huey, all without meat. I feel my smile, knowing if he didn't train as hard he does, he would be a lot bigger than he is. And then I feel the warmth on my face, knowing he's eating a lot more now that I bring him vegetarian options. He must like the lunch, even if he never says it. I shake my head to make the redness go away.

All of that musing just reminds me that I'm so lucky I have the set of friends I have, the family I have. They've taught me there's so much more to life than these buildings or who's in them. My sister, who I'm sure is running down the hallway from her math class, where she fell asleep again and Huey, who must be on his way back now from writing his latest idea in his journal. And then Riley, when he starts coming to this school in September. I can't wait.

Those friends of mine are nothing like these students that don't want to leave this place, thinking this is the only place they'll ever be somebody.

"Where's Huey?" I hear her say. Speaking of one of those students. I don't look up, it would take too much energy and we must save the world's energy. Maybe I should get into environmental studies in college. I continue taking the sandwiches out, still not looking up.

"I asked where Huey is 'Jazmon'" she says. I feel my hands turn into fist at her attempt at saying I'm from Jamaica by pronouncing my name in that way, somehow trying to insult me. I have to relax. I don't care about her thinking I'm Jamaican. Really, some gorgeous women come from there, so even better for me if she thinks I am. What I'm angry at is her way of looking down on people that are different from her. Then I get an idea.

I look up and see her, with a skirt much too short for it to be attractive. I mean there's a limit to everything. I respond, "I know you're trying to make fun of me by saying my name like that Ashley. Unlike you though, I don't see anything wrong with being Jamaican, so please, continue calling me that and anything else you want. The fact is that you want to date my friend, who happens to be black. Black, Ashley. So, before you start making fun of any ethnicity or culture or race or skin color, specially around him, think about who he is and how he would react to what you just said."

Her blue eyes, which I'm no longer jealous of, squint and she purses her lips. Two things I just realized. One, my mom's and sister's blue eyes are much prettier, not just in color, but in shape, where they don't need eye shadows like this girl does to make their eyes have that beautiful almond shape, and two, my sister was right, she does look like a raisin when she does that. I laugh. I can't help it. I close my eyes knowing I just want to have a good laugh right now.

"What are you laughing at!" she says. I can't help it. I really can't. She does look like a raisin. I open my eyes and see most of the cafeteria is looking at us. Who cares. I continue laughing.

"What are you laughing at! Do you even realize that I'm so much hotter than you! Everyone in this school thinks so!" she says. I stop laughing and look at her. Just look.

"What? You know I'm saying the truth?" she says and crosses her arms over the chest, but I hear the nervousness in her voice. I respond, quietly, so only the two of us can hear and say, "I couldn't care less who thinks I'm hot in this school. The only person that matters to me in that regard thinks I'm hot enough and hasn't looked at you once. So, really? Why are you even here? He's my best friend so just move on." We'll, actually, we're more than that, but that's our world and no one's allowed in.

I think of that day last week.

_I scoot in a bit more. I need water but before I can tell him I want to take a drink from the glass that's been sitting on my night stand, I feel those muscles on his shoulders, the ones I had been kneading, shift down and then feel his hands squeeze my hips, holding me in place. I see that beautiful face lean in, and I prepare myself to kiss him but instead of coming towards my open lips, he leans his face down and bites my lower lip. I inhale. It's only a second that he holds on to it, but once he opens his mouth to let it go, I feel the release from that pressure and can't think of anything better in this world than having him bite my lip every day of my life. I feel his lips slide over my now wet lower lip and then feel him shift his upper body pushing my body into him completely, feeling his hardness against my stomach. With it pressed on my stomach, he kisses my upper lip and I feel myself shake, knowing I'll have to change my panties after this._

_I want more._

_So, I take it. Because lust is an action. I do what I wanted to do when we were first on the chair. Now, that I know he wants me maybe just as much as I want him I can do this. I'll have to thank my mom one day for being so open with me about sex. No weirdness, just safety and trust she said._

_I tilt my head to the right, so I can start at the corner. I let my tongue come out and lick his lower lip from one corner, over his plump lip, to the other corner. Even his lips taste clean, like all he eats is vegetables and sunshine and hard work. I straightened my neck and see he's now squinting, focused, waiting. Waiting for me. I realize he wants me to lead, letting me take it as far as I want. God, how will I say no to him? Do I even want to? Save that thought for later Jazmine._

_I swallow what I'm sure is the last saliva left in this world, this world that is only Huey and me. I move up, feeling that friction between my stomach and his cock. Because that's what it is. It's a cock Jazmine. I feel his hands squeeze my hips a bit more and I'm starting to think he's doing it to help him control himself. I tilt my head to the left this time, wanting to see if it's different. I lean in, touching his lips with mine, and then, slower than before, because I need to savor it this time, I let my tongue slide between his lips, tasting them first and then letting it rediscover his mouth, looking for my treasure, the one I only felt for a millisecond last time. I want to taste it, if not I don't want anything else. I feel it. I feel it again, his tongue. I also feel those hands over my hips tighten, grateful for all the training, where in whatever ways it happened, I've become accustom to some pain. This is different though. This isn't pain. This is pressure on my hips, making my panties even wetter._

_It tastes better than I remember from just a few minutes ago or however long ago this thing started. I've lost track of time. How is it possible for something to taste better a second time around? I feel it move, stroking my tongue. He's being gentle._

_I want more._

_I let me hands crawl up his shoulders to his neck, continue to the sides of his face and finally over his cheeks. I don't know why, but I pull his face in even more. That's when I hear it. That groan of his. I realize I'm leaning on his stomach. I start to pull away, knowing I don't want to tease him. I'm not ready for that._

"_Huey" I start as I pull away from his magnificent tongue. "Jazzy, I'm sorry I" he says in that voice I'm sure I've been the only one to ever hear. I lean in to his face before he continues and I cut him off with, "No Huey, I actually want more, but I don't want to tease you. We girls do talk and, although I haven't done this, I'm not completely clueless about it. I know I could be teasing you right now and I don't want to do that."_

_He stares back, dazed I think, and says, "Jazzy, I just want whatever it is you want to give me." I think my heart stopped. What do I want to give you? I lick my lips and see his eyes shift down to them. I blink and like a moth fluttering towards a flame, wanting to taste that heat again, I lean in for one more. That tongue belongs to me now._

_I hear my phone vibrate._

_I blink, knowing it's probably my sister. I stare at him, because I want to look at him. He's beautiful. "Jazmine, you should get that, it could be important." I close my eyes and let go of his face, letting my hands run down his arms. I bend my head down, letting my face fall on his shoulder, facing my nightstand. I extend my right hand to grab my phone that's next to my long-forgotten glass of water. I feel him sit up, knowing he probably wants to get up, but, to my surprise, he wraps his arms around my lower back. How does this position always feel right? Focus Jazmine._

_I check my phone, read the text and inhale. I move back and he reluctantly lets me go. I stand up, missing his arms already. "What's wrong?" he says looking up at me from the floor. He looks angry about losing that physical contact and I want to laugh so hard at his cuteness, but this isn't the time. "My sister just texted reminding me that mom's coming home in fifteen" I say. But, I think, why would she text me for that? How would she know Huey and I were in my room and would need that reminder? I shake my head. I'll ask her later._

_I see him stand up and once he's up, I swallow, thinking, how did I get this lucky._

_He looks at me with those dark red eyes. Almost deep burgundy. Must be about seven. Right now, I would normally be leaving the nursing home, but thankfully Ms. Lola told me she would let them know I wasn't feeling good and wouldn't be showing up. I'm feeling great now. He looks down, almost nervous. Why? Did he not want this? I mean, we didn't do anything wrong. Yes, we kissed, and it was fantastic, but nothing pass that. I see him breathe out what I think is worry or maybe bashfulness. Is Huey being shy? Is he fidgeting? What in the world is happening?_

"_Bestie, are you okay?" I ask, because I need to know if he is. He looks up and I see that lust lingering in those reds. I still want more, but this isn't the right time. Mom is on her way and as much as she adores Huey, I still need to talk to her about this. I see him give a final exhale, take one of his steps towards me, reminding me of how much taller he is than me, craning my neck to look up at him. I feel his hands land on my hips, fitting perfectly, then he bends down and kisses my right cheek. He stays there for a second and I hear him say into my right ear, "You deserve so much more Jazmine. Have a good night." Now my heart stopped. Like, really, stopped, this time._

_He moves way, taking those hands, those lips, those eyes, but more importantly, taking that voice, that posture, that history, that drive, that warm brain, away with him. I see his figure turn towards my shut door, open it, and walk out, closing it behind him. When do I get to have more of that?_

So, really, I could care less what this girl wants. Huey's made me fully aware, in the very romantic Huey way, with no flowers, no chocolate, nothing, but his words and actions, that he wants to be more than best friends. That is enough to make me the happiest girl in this world. Because, I know Huey. I know Huey Freeman. I know him through and through. I feel myself smile.

I look at her again. See her seething over what I just said, having no way to respond. I also see that she's alone. I never noticed that. I know she hangs out with the popular students that have money and are somewhat good looking. I also know she's a mean person. Or at least she can be. She could be nice, but she chooses not to be, talking about people, gossiping, and calling people names, demeaning names at times, which she luckily hasn't called me or my sister. And, she's hot. I know that. She's petite, with a small frame, long straight dark blond hair that reaches her midback, and big blue eyes. She also happens to have those two things we girls always talk about in the restroom or in the locker room, perfect skin and a flat belly. That's why I was worried, because she is pretty. But I forgot that we're talking about Huey Freeman here. I forgot that Huey sees girls, but he doesn't see them at the same time. Just like he sees color, is aware it exists, but doesn't see it, where he's capable of treating everyone exactly the same. He has one of those very rare minds that can do that. I think I'll coin that kind of mind the 'warm brain' type.

I try to focus on this girl again, not because I want to, but because she's unpleasant and I want her to leave us alone. I don't want people like her in my life, at least not today. At one point I would have accepted her and just tried to be nice to her, thinking that I might help her change her ways. Honestly, I still want to. She's my sister's coworker of sorts and I want us to get along. I also don't like being mean or giving the cold shoulder to anyone. Mom didn't raise me like that. Tom just showed me how not to be. So, can I try to be nice to her? I want to. But, then I remember something really important about her. She's aware that there is something going on between Huey and me and she's still willing to get in between us, even if it's just our friendship. That's sad. For a girl to be okay with getting in between another couple or best friends is just. "Pathetic" I say.

"What!" she screams now. Oh god. "I am not pathetic you little" she starts. I tune her out and start planning how I can get myself out this without making it obvious to others that I can fight now. Huey specifically asked my sister and I to not get into fights at school. He said its best people never know just how strong or capable you are. I can see the logic behind it, that and I don't care enough about showing off my skills. I look up when I stop hearing her screech, because that's what it is, screeching. Her eyes got big and her mouth is closed, looking at something to my right. I'm confused. I feel a familiar warmth and scent I'm still getting used to being this close with, this intimate with, sitting next to me.

"I brought your sweater from my locker" he says and places my old pink sweater on my lap. My extra sweater. I remember a few months back when it was still cold outside. I forced him to keep it in his locker, knowing I would be forgetting mine eventually. Using my forgetfulness to my advantage I knew if I put it in his locker, I would forget it was there, and only remember when I really needed it. He argued that we were already keeping our lunch in his locker and there was hardly any room. I explained that if I kept it in my locker, I would take it home eventually, forgetting it's an extra sweater. I suggested that I just start putting our lunch in my locker and I would just be a few minutes late to the cafeteria. I told him it wasn't a big deal for me to go to my locker to get our lunch right after second period and then run over to the cafeteria. I remember seeing this look on his face. Disappointment. Like, me not being there waiting for him in the cafeteria with our lunch meant that much to him. We were only best friends. I'm starting to think we've been more than that for a while now. So, when I saw that look on his face I did what I always do and embarrassed him, jumping up to hug him and begging in the middle of the busy hallway to let me put my sweater in his locker, no longer giving him the option of using my locker for our lunch. He gave in pretty fast. That was months ago. How things have changed. I put my hands on my lap to feel the soft sweater that's now covering my legs and shorts, remembering the fabric. The fabric hasn't changed, much like the fundamental pieces of our relationship haven't changed. I feel happy knowing that. But, just as fast, I feel anxiety. Why did he do that? I could've gone to get it myself. He's being sweet to me, in public, at school, which is even worse. Yes, I know he probably went to his locker for his own reasons, but he remembered I didn't have my sweater and bothered himself with bringing my extra one to me, rather than having me learn a lesson about being better prepared. Did hell freeze over? Who do I call to find out? Is Santa really real after all? I have a lot of overdue letters to write, one sounding very much like it came from Riley about why Santa didn't take Tom away many years ago.

I look over at him and see he's already unwrapping his sandwich and remember he's wearing his new dark jeans today and red low top converse. My favorite combination on him. Because he's taller than me, even when we're sitting I can see his face. I see the tint on those chocolate cheeks. He's blushing. But, then I look at his eyes, those beautiful eyes, and see, annoyance and anger, I think. He's looking down at his sandwich, trying to focus on unwrapping it, but I can feel the heat off his body, and unlike this morning where it was fluctuating, it's now completely stable in its high temperature. He's pissed. Not mad, pissed. It's like whatever he was thinking about this morning has been festering and he's ready to explode. I look back up, feeling this sense that I need to be aware of my surroundings. Huey's getting to me. But then, maybe there's something to his awareness. Directly across from us, between the popular tables and ours is a student, a guy, possibly walking towards us. I know the jocks and other popular students sit at that table and the surrounding ones he's walking from. I look behind him and see the guys at that table are looking directly at ours and I can feel their eyes on me. I start having that feeling of insecurity again, the one from this morning when we were walking to homeroom. I don't like that feeling and I don't like how they're looking at me. I exhale trying to relax. I have to remind myself everything is fine today and everything works out the way it's supposed to always. I focus on that guy again, closer to us now. My mind starts working again. I think his name is Derek Thompson. I'm sure he's a jock, aside from being one of the pretty boys at school. I would have to ask my sister.

"Let me handle this Jazmine" I hear him say. Huh. What's happening? "Huey" I start, but he cuts me off with, "Just let me handle this. I'm already trying to stay calm the best I can."

I'm so confused and now more so that Mr. Popular is walking up to us. First, Huey's mad about something I don't know about and now he's telling me to let him handle something that I'm not even apart of. What is happening? I also vaguely remember that Ashley is still here, standing a few feet away from our table, staring at Huey. Why is she still even here?

"Jazmine right?" I hear a deep male's voice say. Not as deep as Huey's, but deep nonetheless. Before I can say anything, Huey, who I'm sure could light a match with his body heat speaks up and says, "What do you want?"

I feel my eyebrows rise, confused with his attitude. As far as I know he's never completed disliked anyone at our school, excluding people like Mark and Rallo of course. He's told me in the past disliking someone takes too much energy that could be used on his goals. So, this attitude of his, is somewhat fascinating to me.

"I'm sorry, but I was talking to Jazmine" he says. I see Huey put down the sandwich and stand. What is going on? "Huey?" I say. "Jazmine, let me take care of this" he says. I inhale. I don't like being in the dark about anything when it comes to him. Not since last week when I discovered a whole new chapter to his life that I still want to know more about, absorb it. How can I do that when he's keeping high school information away from me? It's just high school.

"She's not interested" he says. What? What am I not interested in? "Look Freeman, I just want to invite Jazmine to a party to celebrate how incredible our girls' basketball team" but I cut him off this time with, "women's" I say. They both look at me. I look at Huey first and see that small smirk, unnoticeable to anyone but me I think. Then I turn and look at Mr. Popular because I don't know if it's really Derek Thompson and really it's not that important. God, when did I start sounding like Huey?

I continue correcting him and say, "If you were going to say the girls' basketball team, you should know after this year ends they'll be formally changing it to the women's basketball team because most of those girls are over the age of sixteen and petitioned for that change." It's true. I was there, at the mall last week with my sister handing out flyers informing the community of the school changing the description from girls to women, because that's what we're considered in most states at the age of sixteen, when some can even get married. Therefore, we should have the right to change it to that word if we want. It gives us power to know we are women, to know we are not our family's girls or our father's girls. We are women. I love my sister and my mom.

He blinks his blue eyes at me. Why doesn't Ashley date someone like him and leave us alone? He says, "I apologize, you're right, I did see that e-mail." I notice he speaks in proper English, which even for this school is surprising. But, not surprising for the students at this school is that I can already tell he's lying. He probably deleted the e-mail the moment he saw it had anything to do with women's sports at our school. He continues, "You're right about those girls, I mean women, being amazing athletes, and that's why we want to have a party to celebrate all the work they put into their practices this semester. At my house. In the upper Woodcrest suburbs." He smiles a set of teeth that I'm sure are not real. Maybe some whitening. When did I become so cynical? I barely know this person and I'm already tearing them down. This is not who I am.

I feel my eyes blink, staring at his guy, realizing something. I might be getting to know who I am and in that changing, growing, and adjusting to a life where I am truly happy, but that doesn't mean I've lost track of what's important so, I put my right hand behind my bestie's calf where no one can see because the bench connected to the table where we sit is up against a wall, with Huey and I always facing the entrance. I look up at Huey, squeeze his skin through his jeans and I see his shoulders lower a bit. Good. He needs to relax. I let go of his jeans and start drawing circles with my fingers over them in that same spot, making sure to press down so he can feel it on his skin. Then I look back at the guy standing in front of us, not letting us get to our lunch, and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interest." But then add, because I'm curious, "And why would I be invited if I'm not on a sports team or any of your cliques?"

His smile gets bigger and says, "Because Jazmine, your sister is on the basketball team and she's obligated to be there, and foremost, you two are some of the prettiest girls at this school and should be invited to every party."

Excuse me. What? My sister obligated to do what? She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. I will lunge myself at him for her. I look up and see Huey's shoulders are tense now. I'm sure mad about them making my sister do anything she doesn't want to do. These students at this school. They know nothing about us. I know my sister. She'd rather spend her time playing basketball with her best friend or causing mayhem with the mafia squad or having me braid her hair or watching Champloo nonstop for two days than go to any party, regardless of any dumb obligations. Wow. I think I just figured out where my anger issues are coming from. Protecting my sister. My family. Protecting Huey. My bestie. I know he's angry about them making my sister do anything, but he needs to relax. His shoulders look stiff again. I bring my hand up from his calf to the back of his knee and start massaging the place where the soft tissue connects his calf and thigh muscles. I see his muscles completely fall back and I feel myself exhale. He must like that spot.

I look back at Derek and say, "Excuse me? My sister doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do." I know she can defend herself, but she's not here right now and I am. His smile disappears, but then he snickers and starts laughing. What is wrong with this boy?

After a few seconds he stops laughing and says, "You are something else Jazmine Dubois. I just told you you're one of the prettiest girls in this school and the first thing you jump on is defending your sister."

I'm confused. Wouldn't anyone do that? And, why don't people get it? I only want one person to think of me in that way and he's standing right next to me. Maybe being homeschooled would be a good idea so I don't have to deal with these students. But, my sister would probably go along with me so I wouldn't be alone during the day. But she likes the school basketball team, I know it. And, she's been doing so well, averaging B's in all her classes and not getting in fights, partially because Huey asked us to, but mostly to not get kicked off the team. That team, that purpose makes her so happy. I can't take that away from her. I close my eyes, thinking maybe learning how to meditate would be good for me.

"What you want Thompson?" I hear my sister say in her sweet deep voice. I open my eyes and see her standing there, thankfully on the other side of Derek, away from Ashley. She has her two beautiful long braids I braided for her this morning, her all white Jordan backpack over her shoulder, white muscle shirt, with a white sports bra, her loose-fitting lucky jeans and finally her dark gray converse. I wonder when we all started getting into converse. Focus Jazmine.

I look back at Derek and see him eyeing my little sister from head to toe and I wonder what Riley would do if he were here right now. There would be war, even if it's bad for business, screw the candy bars.

"You looking good McPhearson" he says. Why do I feel this need to slap him? Oh yes, because she's my little sister. Then I remember, she can handle herself with these kinds of boys. I look up and see my bestie's looking at me. How long has he been staring at me? I stop massaging the back of his knee and pull on his jeans. He takes the hint and sits down, but not before getting just a bit closer to me and as he sits I feel his left leg touch my right one. He leaves it there instead of moving it away like he normally would. Why is my face getting hot? I know we've been closer than this before. It's just, he's being so public about it. Public for Huey. Yes, it's under the table and I think my sweater is hiding the contact well enough but it's still so public for him.

I hear my sister talking to Derek about the party, telling him she isn't going. I start thinking about the last week and how close Huey and I have been, physically. It's been, weird, but nice. The day after we kissed in my room, he showed up at my front door like usual to walk my sister and me to the bus stop. I had already prepared, reminding myself the last time he was honest about his feelings, I didn't hug him for three days and worried him. I knew I wouldn't let myself do that to him again. So, the moment I opened the door, saw his morning maroon colored eyes, I took a step up to him, hugged him and placed my head on his left shoulder. But this time, instead of getting stiff, I felt him relax a bit. I also know I hugged him a bit tighter than before, possibly longer to. And, he let me. There are also some personal things that no one knows about that have changed. Like how I've always thought I'm too short, too curvy, and my hips are too wide even though I inherited those from my mom who is incredibly beautiful. How I think my hair is still too big at times or my eyes are not pretty enough. I've never let those things get to me, but knowing he might like some of those things made them okay, maybe better than okay. I don't want my self-worth to come from outside of me because my mom didn't raise me like that, but it is nice to know he likes all, if not at least some of those things. So, where it used to be weird to hug him tightly, it hasn't been weird lately. It just is. I don't know what it's like for him, but considering he's been standing closer to me and even letting me touch him like I just did right now, I can't help to think that maybe he's wanted this, whatever this is, just as much as I have.

"Look man, I'll see if I show a'ight" I hear my sister say. I've been watching them but not listening attentively. I see him smile at her, turn around, and start walking back to his table.

"Sis?" I say, because she looks flustered. She turns to me and I see her deep ocean blue eyes. She looks tired. "Did you fall asleep in class again?" I ask. Then I see her smile, that smile I've come to know as the 'Beans would go to war' smile. The one where she doesn't care what people say about her as long as she has us. She only started smiling like that in the last few months. "Yeah boo" she says and sits down in front of us.

"So, what" I start, but then I hear that voice again, interrupting our conversation with, "Hi Huey." I look to my left and see her still standing there. She really hasn't left? It's been five or ten minutes. Maybe something is wrong with her. Poor Huey. I felt his leg tremor at the sound of her voice, still trying to unwrap his first sandwich. I'm starting to feel bad that he has to deal with her even more than I feel for myself.

She continues, "I'm actually here to invite you to that party and wanted to know if you would go as my date." I turn to him, see him put down his sandwich, push it away, not having had one bite, and put his head down on the table. I'm starting to get really mad at this girl. He needs to eat. If she wants to flirt with him she should do it when he's not trying to eat on his only break.

I look back at her. "Ashley" I say. Then I feel his hand on my thigh, under my sweater. Focus Jazmine. I continue, "If you don't leave right now I swear everyone in this cafeteria will be seeing a lot more of you than anyone wants to, considering how short that skirt is."

Slowly, as she realizes what I mean, her eyes get big.

"And I still wanna pull out that fake ass hair of yours" my sister says. She looks from me to my sister and then back to me. "Leave, now" I say because my bestie needs to eat, and I have to protect him from girls like you that don't care about him. I feel him squeeze my thigh and start feeling that warmth in my stomach all over again.

She purses her lips, swallows and says, "Fine. Just remember where you can find me during fifth Huey." She turns, and I have to look away, back down at the table, knowing I can see half her butt in that skirt. Why am I such a goody two shoes that follows the dress code when others couldn't care less?

"Damn sis, I love when I see you protecting ma big bro" I hear my sister say. I look up and ask, because I want to know, "How do you know she has extensions?" She starts laughing, unwrapping her sandwich. "I don't sis." She takes the first bite, remembering to swallow and then talk, like the lady mom's trying to teach her she can be. I love them. "But the first time I said I'd pull them out she didn't say she didn't have 'em, so I know she gots 'em."

I snicker and then look to my right at Huey, who still has his head on the table. He probably has a headache. I grab his first sandwich, finish unwrapping it, and then whisper, knowing he doesn't like me saying it in public, "Bestie, you gotta eat." I see his shoulder blades move. Then he rises, still looking at the table. I whisper again, "Here bestie, eat," putting the sandwich in front of him. He grabs it with his right hand and takes the first bite, not letting go of my leg with his other hand. What is happening?

* * *

I heard it in the morning. Jazmine had gone to her locker, so I took the opportunity to go to the restroom to get away from those kids and their trivial talk about clothes and other students.

_She'll be back from her locker soon. I'll give her another three minutes. I just want to make sure to get back to my locker right before she does so I don't have to listen to any more of those kids talk about things that mean very little to anyone but themselves. Two minutes of meditating and then I'll leave. I exhale, trying to release all the air from my lungs, and close my eyes._

_Then I hear the restroom door open. "Yeah man, we still got like ten before homeroom" one of them says. "Well I just wanna wash my hands and give you some good news" someone else responds. Two guys. Sophomores or seniors I assume, based on them thinking any news they have is worth talking about. I can meditate even with them in here. They'll probably stay close to the door and I'm in the last stall so hopefully I won't hear them._

_I hear the water running. Exhale. Release more air. Relax. "What good news?" he says._

"_You hear Dubois on the market?" I hear the other respond. My eyes shoot open. What?_

_"For real man? Don't lie" the other one says. The water stops running. "No man. She on the market. She dating someone, but I don't think it's serious since we haven't seen her with no one new. I on't know. Maybe it's someone from another school. Point is she's dating and available now." I look down at my hands that are no longer open and face up but closed fists. I have to relax. They haven't said anything inappropriate, just stupid high school rumors. I can't kill them yet._

_"How you know?" the other one asks. "Cuz of that hoe in the main office. I was at her house last night. Let me in through the front door, like I was royalty or some shit. But all she talked about after we were done was damn Freeman and how she knows that Jazmine ain't that innocent, and she knows Jazmine's dating someone because that's the only reason she ain't with Huey." I exhale. That's not the reason. It's because I'm smart enough to know she deserves better, someone more like her. Then why does my gut clench when I think about her being with anyone else, even if they are better for her? Focus Huey._

_"Man if it weren't for her giving good head I wouldn't think about going back to her but whateves." I should leave before they say anything that could get them killed. They haven't said anything bad about Jazmine just yet. I feel my right hand relax and reach up grabbing the sturdy handle on the stall door._

_"Damn. Finally. But I gotta jump on that. You probably told half the school by now and everyone will know by the end of the day. That's the only reason guys haven't asked her out left and right, other than weird ass Mark that was obsessed with her and just up and left one day. The whole school thinks she's not allowed to date. Well, that and Freeman always around her ass stops some from even looking at her. I mean I know her and Freeman are always together but you know he ain't hit it the way she still walks like that. I mean you can tell these things you know. But man, I mean that booty of hers, you know she half black and with those wide hips and don't get me started on those eyes man" and that's when the cheap metal handle on the stall door broke._

I regret nothing. They deserved every punch. And if they choose to stay at this school they'll know to not talk about her again.

But now, I have to deal with this problem. And the problem is these kids only hear the words boyfriend and girlfriend and they will continue bothering her until she has an official boyfriend. I don't need this moving faster than it is, into the realm of titles. I just need to give it enough time so she can see the truth, that see she deserves more. That even if I want to be different, I still am who I am. I still am part of that damn family. I knew it the moment I tasted her tongue. She deserved someone with a cleaner past, someone not connected to sick individuals, someone not as cynical and disillusioned with life. Someone like her. But then, I kept kissing her. I'm an idiot.

But, if I want her to move on, to figure out she doesn't want me, why I do keep responding to her? I should be pushing her away. I need to stop this. What happened last week in her room after telling her about Chicago happened. I can't take it back. And I haven't given more than normal. But, I am letting her hug me longer, feeling her hips press against mine when she does it, and even going as far as smelling her hair. Every single time she hugs me I do it, I smell that strawberry shampoo, making myself think she uses it for me, as idiotic as that sounds. I keep doing these things, pushing it forward instead of pulling it back. Like putting my hand on her leg during lunch. I touched her. I acted on my own, not responding to her, but initiating. That shouldn't have happened.

I need to find a solution out of this. I need more time. She needs more time. I'm sure in a few weeks enough of my blaring traits will show her she doesn't want to be with me, and hopefully she'll wait to be with someone else until after I'm out of her life, so I'm not forced to see that. That's who she'll end up with, someone that's more like her. That'll be her future. How did I think she could be my future or have anything to do with it when I don't want her to be tainted by my past? That damn past that keeps me stuck here. I might not turn out to be exactly like them, but I could still become like them and hurt her and others. So then, how do I give her more time to see that for herself? So I don't break that vibrant spirit, just let her see that it deserves more than I can give or could even be capable of giving. And, in the meantime, how do I still keep morons like those two in the restroom and the guys that were staring at her during lunch from getting near her?

"Huey, so I have to go to this party because my sister has to make an appearance" I hear her say. I close my eyes. She doesn't give me headaches unlike many other things in this world, but her naiveness sometimes stresses me out. That's exactly what I'm trying to prevent. Those perfect opportunities for those imbeciles to get to her. I respond without thinking, "Jazmine, no."

I hear her exhale. I open my eyes and see that she's turned away from me and is looking at the window on the other side of the bus. We're going home from our volunteer work. Sarah said she wouldn't be leaving the office on time again. It's late. Almost eight. The 7:15 bus didn't pass, and we had to take the 7:45 one. It's too late. I have to stay aware of our surroundings, find a solution to these problems, some she's not even aware of, and keep myself from touching her. I can't have her doing this right now.

"Jazmine, can we just" I start, but she cuts me off with, "It's fine Huey." I close my eyes. Shit.

She was quiet the rest of the ride and as we walked to my house.

I know we have to talk about this. I know she'll figure it out eventually when I start to pull away, but I'm not sure if I'll tell her the truth. I won't lie to her, but I won't tell her because she won't understand.

We finally get to my house and she starts walking to cross the street towards her house rather than mine. "Jazmine" I say. "Huey, I'll text my sister and Riley will just walk her over okay" she says as she keeps walking to her house, not turning back to hug me goodbye. I stop. I know she's being stubborn. I know she's mad. But, so am I. Why can't she understand that there's a lot going on, more than she even knows, and all I can focus on is keeping her safe, out of situations where she could get hurt. She's thinking about this party, where there will be alcohol, a lot of alcohol, and drugs, not just weed. There will be a lot of guys bigger than her that could overpower her when she goes to the restroom or is in a hallway by herself. I feel my temperature dropping.

I know she can defend herself now, fairly well, but she's still learning to attack. I know she has strong legs and can kick hard enough to have most guys hit the floor, if she uses her drop kick correctly. But her upper body is still too soft. Her arms are still not accustomed to hits because I haven't finalized how to train her without having to hit her. I feel my insides shift, preparing my body to attack anything, just thinking about her being hit. Any strong hold on her torso or her arms, although it would now take more than what that imbecile did, would require strength on her part that I know she has but hasn't tapped into. We need more time for her training. Right now, if anyone were to hold her upper arms too hard or make it so she can't move her torso, that could lead to pain shooting out through those significant parts into other parts, paralyzing her for too long. Pain starts at one point and shoots out to the rest of the body if you haven't mastered how to consciously cut that path of pain from one body part to the other. That takes years of training. Right now, an acute hit to her upper body, which is how most attacks start, would paralyze her for too long to react and fight back. Why. Can't. She. See. That?

Then there's the fact that every moron at school with alcohol in his system is going to be there trying to ask her out or worse. Especially if she dresses in anything like those girls Grandad watches on BET. She doesn't need any of that to begin with. She can show up in the clothes she's wearing right now with those shorts that hug her legs too much and that shirt that matches her skin tone just right, letting me and anyone else that bothered to look at her know just how well she's developed already. She doesn't see how guys, even some girls, look at her when we're in school or walking to the bus stop. Today, thankfully she had her extra sweater on when we were walking to the bus stop. I wasn't afraid of anyone else looking at her because I know that's going to happen, but I was afraid I wouldn't stop staring at her hanging necklace, like I had been doing on the way to work. That necklace that hangs on her chest forming itself into an arrow. An arrow pointing me to something I want to see. Damn it! She didn't hug me like normal right now! Who cares if I don't deserve her!

I feel my legs moving to her front door. The one she entered just a few minutes ago. I knock twice, knowing she looks through the peephole before letting anyone in. Five seconds. Two seconds too long if she's downstairs. She could be upstairs. Or worse. As I'm about to knock harder I hear the bolt being unlocked. The door swings open and there she is, in a pink robe, open, letting me see her light brown shorts hugging her thick thighs, the yellow shirt she was wearing today that matches her skin tone so well in this light it looks like she's not wearing one at all, and that necklace hanging from her neck, with the green stone directing me to something it knows I want.

"What Huey" she says. She always calls me by that nickname she came up with when she opens the door. I want to hear it right now.

"Jazmine, look" I start, but she cuts me off with, "I can't do this okay," then turns around and starts walking up the staircase. "Jazmine, there are reasons" I say. She stops at the bottom step, facing the staircase, and I hear her say, "Huey, there are always reasons. There will always be reasons. There will always be some mean girl or jerk that wants to be with you or me. I get that. We don't live in a perfect world where people respect best friends or whatever we are. But, I wish you would just trust me with what's happening between us." And then more quietly she says, "There's no trust." I see her shoulders start to shake and then she brings her hands up and hugs herself. I hear the crying when she says, "That's why you don't want to be with me." Then she starts running up the stairs. Thankfully, I'm faster than her.

I put my foot in the door frame just as she's closing the bedroom door. "Just go" I hear her say from the other side of the door. "Jazmine, I just want to protect" I start, but she cuts me off with, "Yes, yes Huey. Protect me and my family. I get it. Thank you. Now you can go." I can hear the sniffles. Why is she doing this? Why can't she just understand protecting her has to come first and then she can realize she deserves more, better than me?

"Jazmine, there's more to it than that. Why can't you understand?" I say into the crack, the size of the width of my shoe. "Understand what Huey? That I'm a good friend but that's it because you can't trust me?" Sniffle. "That we can't be anything closer than what we are right now because you'll probably never trust me?" Sniffle. "That you can't trust me to make good decisions on my own that won't put me in a bad situation?" Sniffle. "Huey, I don't even drink." Sniffle. "I don't do drugs! Other than that dumb sedative they gave in the ambulance." Sniffle. "I've never even smoked Huey! I do none of those things, but still you think I'm going to do them or get roofied or something." Sniffle. "You don't trust me. That's why we've always only been best friends. Some kids start dating at thirteen. Thirteen Huey! I mean we're going on to sixteen and we've just barely kissed, and I know it's because you don't trust me. That's why it's taken you this long to show any kinds of feelings towards me and why you don't want me to go to that party." Sniffle. "Neither one of us wants to go to that dumb party but my sister asked me to so she wouldn't go alone! I don't want to be hit on by drunk guys or dance their horrible music! I just want to go to be with her, stay close to her so we can take care of each other, have her talk to her teammates and leave Huey! Leave! I only want to be with you Huey! Why can't you see that!" Sniffle. It's quiet for a few seconds and then I hear her say, "But you. You will never give us a chance and it's because you don't really want to be with me."

I hear the doorknob turn, which she had been using to push the door, and then feel the pressure on my foot disappear. I hear her exhale and then hear her light footsteps as she walks away from the door.

I open the door slowly, not knowing where she is. I walk in and see she's sitting on her bed, facing her window. I close the door behind me. I exhale. I need her to understand this is about protecting her while she figures things out. Things like I'm not the kind of person she wants. Trust. She wants trust. I don't trust anyone because I am like that family and because that's what they taught me. That's one of those traits that connects me to them. She's asking me to trust her, but why? She'll soon figure out she doesn't even want to be with me. That it was just a crush, nothing more, at least for her. And I'll continue with my solitary life, like I've always known it was going to be. But, in the meantime, how do I do this? How do I have her let me continue protecting her without letting it go further? Without giving her false hope? And why do I keep doing this to her? Confusing her like this.

I feel the air leaving my body I as exhale.

"Jazmine" I start, but she cuts me off with, "It starts with trust Huey and we don't have that."

I know that. I don't trust her with that side of me, with those thoughts I have. The truth that I won't be good for her.

She continues, "You don't trust me Huey. That's why it took you five years to tell me about your family. That's why it took you two years to tell me about that funeral. That's why, although we've probably had feelings for each other for a while it's only been until now that you felt you could open yourself to me. And." I see her bend her head down and say, "That's why when I went to visit my sister during fifth and she told me that the school found out I was dating someone and certain people had been waiting for that to ask me out, I knew it would just be a matter of time. Just a matter of time before I said yes to one of those guys because you won't ever take it further than what it is now. You'll just let things take their course because that's all I'm worth to you as a girl. You won't initiate us going further. You'll let me take the lead and I never will because I'll want to know I'm not forcing you into this. I'll want to know that you want this to. So, we'll just be this for a while. Whatever this is. Maybe kiss, hang out some more as friends. But it'll never go beyond that. You won't let it. And." I see her hair move down her robe as she looks up again and says, "It all starts with trust. You don't trust this will work out in the long run, that I'll take care of you, and I'll be good for you. You don't trust and I understand why. You have a past that won't let you trust people that are supposed to take care of you. Maybe." Sniffle. "Maybe one day you will meet someone that you can trust and share yourself with. Someone you will want to initiate for and possibly even plan stuff with, but." Sniffle. "It's not me." Sniffle. "So, I won't go to that party and I'll tell Cindy she shouldn't go either, even though I know that team makes her happy. And I'll just be. Be whatever it is I am right now. I won't push you to do things with me like I did today at lunch when I touched you first. We'll just be friends okay. And maybe one day, you'll trust me enough to at least call me your best friend in public, even if I want more."

* * *

This is the end of us. I know that. And I'm okay with that. This halfway created thing we have started to crumble today at the nursing home when I was helping Mrs. Lopez clean up her room.

_After this I still need to help Monique at the front desk. I hope that guy doesn't come while I'm up there. I know Monique says he's cute, but he gives me a creepy vibe when he looks at me. I tuck the bed sheets like I was trained to and then look up to stretch. I see Mr. Lopez at the door carrying his wife's favorite flowers. I know them by now. Brings them every Monday, but today isn't Monday. Mrs. Lopez is so focused on her knitting and hand coordination she doesn't even look up to see him standing there. I see him put the flowers on the table by the door and walk up behind her, smiling the entire time, and then covers her eyes with his hands._

_I look at her face to see her reaction and see she doesn't look surprised. She just goes from her pursed lips to a beautiful smile, puts down her needles, and puts both her hands up to touch his. Then she says, "Jorge, mi amor, why are you here? It's not Monday." She doesn't let go of his hands as he walks around and sits on the visitor's chair next to her. He responds, "I missed you Maria. The house isn't the same without you. Hurry and get well so you can come home, and the kids and I can take care of you."_

_The nursing home also doubles as a rehab for older people that need help getting back up from a fall or learning to use their hands again after a stroke. Some people get to go home after just a few weeks of some help from the nurses, retraining their limbs to do things after losing feeling in that body part. Luckily for Mr. Lopez, Mrs. Lopez is one of those patients._

"_Mi vida, the doctor said I'll be going home soon and then you'll start remembering just how much I nag" Mrs. Lopez says. "My love, you know I need you to remind me to take my medicine and help me walk Oso in the morning. That dog misses you more than anyone else in that house" he responds. I hear Mrs. Lopez's warm laugh and see that sparkle in her eyes. "I miss Oso to, and the kids. I just saw them on Sunday and already want to see them again. How was Kimberly's game?"_

_I feel like an intruder listening to them even though I'm making her bed. But, really I want to stay. I want to listen to that love, so I continue making the bed._

"_It was wonderful mi vida. She has your energy and our Cynthia's love for soccer" he responds._

_I'm finished so I start walking out to give them privacy. But as I'm walking out I hear Mr. Lopez say, "And remember our fiftieth wedding anniversary is next week and the kids want you home or we'll bring the whole mariachi band here." I lean on the wall outside of the door and continue listening, which is wrong of me, but I want to hear it._

"_Mi vida, that would be ridiculous. Don't you dare let Michael and Cynthia do that. Those two. Rascals just like their father" she says. "I know, I know, mi amor, but they want to see us together that day and said they would not take no for an answer, so you rest and just keep working on that beautiful hand of yours, so you can come home and make me some of my favorite handmade tortillas" he says. I hear her laugh and then say, "Fifty years Jorge, fifty wonderful years since you proposed on my doorstep. I still remember. I was twenty-five and you were just four months older than me. Most girls at my age were already married, but I didn't care because I had my Jorge who loved me. All I knew was that we both wanted to have two children with each other and live together for the rest of our lives. I didn't care that we met so young. That we had only known each other. Other's would tell me during those years of our friendship and later the years of our courtship that I should experience meeting other people, but I knew. I knew. I knew I didn't need anyone else. All I have ever wanted is you my love" she says. I hear her husband respond, "Yes, my love, and I also knew that you would be the only one. I didn't need to know anyone else. Begone I told those that said we didn't know. That we needed to grow up and meet others. We knew. We always knew. I have always known. You are my only one."_

_I feel myself slide off the wall and walk towards the restroom, like a zombie._

Once I got to the restroom, I walked to very last stall and locked myself in there, sat down, and cried. Cried over a realization of how things really were. How things really were between Huey and me. It hurt so much. I cried and only stopped when I heard someone opening the door. I stayed quiet until they left, washed my face, grateful for the lack of makeup and the hour still left for my service, giving me enough time so my puffy eyes would go back to normal.

Then on the bus. When I asked him about going to the party. That moment. At that moment I knew this wasn't going to work. I wouldn't lie to myself and try to forget what I realized today. It hurt so much. He would never let it work and he would never tell me why. He would never trust me enough to tell me what was really happening. That trust we need. I would always chase it and he would always pull it away. There would never be an equal amount of trust. And I knew, it's because he doesn't trust that I'll take care of him because of those people. Those people that showed him the bad of the world at such a young age. And because of those people he thinks he deserves to be alone, to fight things on his own, thinking that's the best way to protect himself from people hurting him again.

He doesn't trust anyone. He didn't trust me enough to know that I was only going to that party to be with my sister. That I knew what was there and wouldn't be walking in like a lamb into a den of wolves. I might not be experienced in much, but I'm not dimwitted either. I know what those parties have, which is why I don't want my sister to go alone. But Huey. He didn't even let me explain any of that. He just said no. And, without trust, there can really be no beginning with us.

I know it's there, that spark of trust, lingering. I know it is. But, every time I try to cover it from the storm, start to see it grow, expand, become a real fire, letting its flames dance; every time that trust starts to grow even a small amount, like it did last week when he told me about his family and like it did when he kissed me right after in my desk chair and then bit me on my carpeted floor, where he initiated, where he wanted to be with me; every time that spark starts to grow into something more, something like fire, his storm of mistrust for this world and its people extinguishes it. And there I am again, blowing air into it, begging it to come back and warm up this room again; there I am, touching him, kissing him, hugging him tighter, begging him to trust me with a little piece of his heart. And this will go on always with Huey and me. This merry-go-round of him giving me a little and then taking it back as soon as he thinks I can't be trusted with it, because to him I'm just like everyone else.

That's what I realized at the nursing home. That's what hit my insides today and it felt like I was crying my insides out in the restroom. The very real fact that we will never have that. That balance and commitment I saw today in Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, because it starts with trust. I know who I want to be my only one. I've known for five years. The day I met him up there the first time, alone, on our hill. I knew, like I know now. He might be my first crush, my first love, but I know. He's it for me. But, I also know that I'm not that for him. I'm not. When my sister told me that I just needed to make people aware that Huey and me were dating so they would leave me alone, I looked at her, shocked. Shocked. That she would think it's that easy with Huey. That anything is that easy with Huey. Nothing ever is and it never will be. I need to move on. I know that. I need to get up. He's still here in my room, waiting for something from me. I've already giving him my trust and I have nothing else to give. I'm done.

* * *

I see her stand up. She's calm, collected it looks like. She fastens her robe, turns, walks around her bed, and up to me. I see the tears now. New ones and old ones, the puffy eyes making me think she was crying earlier today, but when? At school? The nursing home?

"Were you crying?" I ask. She rolls her eyes and puts her hands on those hips, where my hands should be. "It doesn't matter Huey. Look, I'll just text my sister to tell her I'm here so she can" but I cut her off, "Jazmine, why were you crying earlier?" I need to know so I can kill him.

She looks at me, blinks, and I see nothing in her eyes. Nothing. She says, "Huey, no one made me cry okay. So just go. I want to be alone."

"Jazmine" I start, but she cuts me off with, "Huey, look, we've both said enough already. I think it's done."

But I'm not. For once, I don't want this to be done. I don't. But I don't know what this is. I also don't deserve what this is. I'm too much like them. I can't even trust her to tell her the truth about why we can't work, why I will never deserve her. I can't put that in words. I know actions. I know results. I know names and dates and numbers and amounts. I know those things. I know there's going to be over a hundred people in that house during the party, half of whom do not go to our school and are probably in their twenties. I know the chances of her getting hit on, hurt, or even raped are high in that kind of situation. Same goes with her sister. I know she doesn't want to go and neither does her sister. I know they're only going so Cindy can feel more apart of her team. I know Jazmine is doing it because she thinks her sister needs more friends to help her grow out of the emotional stunt she was left in when her parents started neglecting her. I know that's why her sister talks the way she does and hangs out with my younger brother even though she's our age. There's a kinship there of emotionally stunted kids that didn't want to grow up because of the circumstances they found themselves in. For Riley, it was our dysfunctional and selfish family that made him think he was the reason they didn't accept us after our parents' death. For Jazmine's sister, it was probably those moronic parents that spent the money they should've used on her on their partying and drugs, which ultimately ruined them. I know Jazmine cares about her sister and Riley and does these things in some asinine way for their health. She wants to go to that party to help her sister and in helping her sister, her sister will continue helping Riley. That's just how Jazmine is, always thinking about others, even when it could mean putting herself in danger.

"Huey" she says, looking at me with those eyes. "Please, just" she starts. "What?" I ask. She starts to sniffle, and drops her arms to her sides, and then the tears roll down to her ears as he looks up at me. "Just, please go, please" she says. "Why Jazzy?" I ask.

I see her look down and see the salty drops that are landing on her small toes. I grab her chin and make her look up at me again, see her eyes red, full of tears now. "Jazzy" I start. "No Huey, please no" she says, blinks and I see larger tears streaming down towards her ears. "I don't want to do this Huey. You will always be you, who doesn't trust anyone, including me, with who you are. I know you're keeping something from me. I felt it this morning and then again on the bus. And you will always be like that, not letting me in, not trusting me. You will always be capable and ready. You will always be exactly what you need to be to meet your goals, but I will always be me, and I need someone that trust me, completely, with everything. Someone that doesn't say no on a whim without thinking about my feelings and what I want. I need someone that will see me for being the strong person I am and want me just as I am. I need someone that knows I am also capable and ready, that I am exactly what I need to be to meet my own goals and that knows in return for their trust, I trust them completely."

"You make me happy" I say and feel her body stiffen. "That's why I don't want to lose you. That's why I don't think I deserve you. I don't know what's happening between us. I don't know if we're just friends anymore or more, but I know you deserve so much more. I don't know when I started to feel like this about you. I don't know why I thought only about you when I was there, and we were only ten and then fourteen. We were over six hundred miles away from here and every day I thought about you and your whiny voice and your dumb questions and your eyes. I thought about the way you think this world is a lot better than I think it is. How you think things will turn out fine at the end of the day, no matter what the circumstances are. I thought about how I wished I had some small amount of that faith you have in this world and the people you care about. The faith you have in me to be better than I am, better than them. I thought about how one day, a long time from that day, I could kiss you. I thought about how I could take you to Chicago and with your Jazmine magic you could somehow clean up that filth of a family. I knew how you would want to save the horses first and I would just let you, because that's just you being you. And then, at night, sometimes, when I thought about my parents, I thought how my mother would've wanted to teach you everything she loved cooking and tell you about her favorite books because she loved reading, how my father would have wanted to teach you everything he learned in the service about mending bones and sanitizing wounds to avoid infections. I thought about how much Riley looks up to you because you get along with everyone and could make him laugh whenever he thought about our parents. I saw it Jazmine. Every time he thought about them he would ask me to come get you so we could play one of his stupid games. But you needed to be there."

I stop and breathe, because I don't know what I'm saying but it feels right.

Then I say the rest because it's Jazmine and although I won't ever deserve her she deserves to know the truth. "I want to be with you, but I don't know how to be good to you because I don't have that faith you have in me. I'm still cynical and harsh and do not consider how I hurt people at times, and I believe I received all of those great qualities from that family. That is not the kind of person you deserve. You deserve someone that can be what you want Jazmine. You deserve, at least for now, someone that can be a boyfriend to you. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to date. I don't even know how to properly like someone. Every time we get close I somehow end up making you cry." She smiles at that. I continue, "So, if you're asking the impossible, which is if I can be a man that deserves to be your boyfriend, the answer is I don't know, but I can try and I will be ready and capable, but I might not be good at it. I might not know when I need to bring you those things I see other idiotic guys doing, like roses and chocolates, or even when to kiss you, or if we need to go on dates. I'll remember names, dates, numbers and amounts, but I might not remember to hold your hand every time and I might not remember to hug you in the same way or maybe at all that day, and I might not remember that you are a capable fighter now and might still be overprotective and will argue with you about those cameras I want to set up outside of the nursing home, and I might not remember why it is I trust you fully, that I trust you because that's all you've ever been to me, trustworthy, as a friend when I told you about my family, and then as something more, when I told you how much I don't want to turn out like them. I trust you Jazmine but know that this will be hard for me because, foremost, I don't trust that I deserve you. But" I stop and breathe, because this is what I need to say, "For you, I will try."

* * *

I want to kiss my boyfriend. So, I say it, "I want to kiss my boyfriend Huey Freeman."

I see him smile. That smile. That one. The fact that I'm the only one that gets to see it makes me feel like there is absolutely nothing I can't do in this world. I can save all the horses. But, I want to help him smile more and show more people. The world must know Huey Freeman's smile. And I got to see it twice in less than six months. I know that's a world record and it's all mine. He's all mine.

He leans down and I close my eyes. I feel his hands on my hips, inside my robe. Then I smell him, the air coming out of his mouth. And just like the first time, with no lust, just whatever it is that we are, I feel his warm lips on mine. He kisses me, just a peck, nothing more. I feel him move away and I whimper, hear his deep laugh, his real laugh, and then feel him bite my lower lip. I'm starting to think he has a preference for my lower lip. I feel him move away again, but this time knowing he's coming back, I wait, and then feel his lips on both of mine. I feel his mouth open and I follow like the moth into that warm flame, opening my mouth. Then I feel my treasure and taste his tongue caressing mine in my mouth. He's kissing me. He's kissing me. With no initiative on my part. And then, the impossible. I feel his hands leave my hips, rise up and go around my torso, hugging me. Hugging me. I feel my knees go weak and reach up to hold his biceps for support. "Jazzy" he says into my mouth.

I want more.

So, I let my hands crawl up to his shoulders, and start kneading the muscle where his neck and shoulder meet, trying to memories the contours of those magnificent broad shoulders. I feel his chest vibrate and hear the groan that emanates from wherever those wonderful sounds he makes come from. I feel his arms drop away from my torso and then his hands on my butt. They squeeze me and I feel my entire legs become like jello, but before I fall he pulls me up and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders. "Huey" I hear myself say in that voice I'm starting to recognize as my own.

I feel us moving somewhere but I don't care to open my eyes and figure it out. Then I feel the softness of my bed on my back and open my eyes, see him over me, waiting for permission. I open my arms and welcome him. He comes straight for my face and I put my arms over his shoulders. He lets me have his tongue again inside of my mouth. I feel his hands on my hips, his lower body between my spread legs, and he squeezes my hips. I hear that voice come out of me and this time hear myself say, "God," knowing this is as close to that feeling I'll ever get. I feel him push himself down and feel his cock on my stomach. His cock moves and then he shivers.

And just like that, I feel the cold return to my hips and whimper when I feel him taking that tongue out my mouth. I open my eyes and see him, again over me with his hands over my shoulders, palms down on my bed, holding him up and away from me. He's looking down towards our legs, breathing hard.

"Jazzy, I'm sorry I went too far and" he starts, but I cut him off by grabbing his face with my hands and tilting it back up to look at me. I say, "Hey, you didn't. You stopped and that's what matters. I don't have the self-control you have, and I would've let it go further but you did the right thing for both us." He nods just enough so I can see it and stands.

Once he's fully up I try to not look at his cock but it's right there.

"Jazzy" I hear and look up at his face. He's looking down at me with that Freeman smirk and says, "Not today." I give him my own smirk and respond, "Maybe for my next birthday." He raises one of those beautiful eyebrows and says, "That means you have to try to not drive me insane for an entire eight months, possibly longer. Can you manage to do that and still be Jazmine?"

I feel my cheeks getting even warmer thinking about that. And then I remember, Huey Freeman is now my boyfriend and not even a Christmas tree, like the ones I use to look forward to every year, with a big red bow on Sammy Davis Jr. standing next to it could top this. So, I put my hands behind my head, using them as a pillow and respond, "I can try for my boyfriend."

* * *

Thank you all for reading. I might need a tiny week off after this one. But more than likely, with how I have everything laid out already and have this need to write each day, will probably be updating much sooner than that.

I try to respond to all comments because that's how I met some amazing writers here, so please I look forward to answering questions and taking suggestions and even criticism. Thanks again and enjoy the rest of the weekend (it's Friday at 1 AM right now).

-Bulma's Ego


	15. Fights and What We Do

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

So, I lied. I said I would be taking a tiny week off and I took a few hours off. So, yeah. But for real, I might take a few days off or a week off after this one. We'll see.

This chapter is more about planting a thick, solid foundation. I think a good beginning deserves that. As usu, please skip over COMMENTS and go straight to CHAPTER 15 unless you want to see my reply to each comment since my last post. I do try to respond to each comment only because comments make me sooo happy.

COMMENTS:

ThickBlackGirl: Thank you sooo much for supporting me and explaining what "and I-oop" meant lol. I'll keep it at a T rating for now and up it as things heat up I'm sure. I'll be sure to keep up with your stories to but for sure right now my favorite one of yours has to be GANGSTER LOVE. Can't wait for your next chapter.

RabbitMelody: They will keep getting bold, best believe. And I agree. I'd do that shit to if ma significant other was around. Thank you for still reading.

SG3MagicInk: Oh god I know right. I do like those stories where they hook up quick but at the same time I just don't see that as something either one of them would do. Huey's always been cautious and reserved and Jazmine never seemed like the kind to jump into anything just because it was the thing everyone was doing (other than the Breaking Grandad episode but that was part of the Season 4 we do not speak of). I want to keep it at this pace because it feels real to me. I'm happy you're liking it so far. And yes, these past few chapters were hard for me. Every time I've had to go back and read the chapter where Jazmine tells him she needs someone that will see her for how strong she is and will trust her and then Huey comes back with a deadpan "You make me happy" I just bruh, I just wanna tear up a bit. Sorry for the rollercoaster but with Huey it just feels like that is what he would be like, based on how emotionally detached he is. Lastly, I do not like cliffhangers unless they're done right. I can't handle them man, I just can't, so I will not do them, unless completely necessary and for good reason. Just going back to your previous comments, I want to keep this story true to the show with some ideas from the comic strip (like how Jazmine and Cindy were actually really close friends), but as you can see, with a strong anime foundation. Thanks for your comments and know that I look forward to them.

Hot Gurl: Thank you! I love the slow pacing to, and I hope to keep it that way for as long as the characters let me lol. I always thought of these characters as just that, Jazmine being a sweetheart and Huey having internal emotional struggles. Yes, the boy needs self-love and hopefully he allows himself to have it. As you can see, I kind just started writing and the characters now dictate where they want their story to go lol. Oh my god, YES, I know that raisin look, and I swear it was always them mean girls, regardless of popularity, that did it best lol. Hope you keep reading and thank you again.

CHAPTER 15:

"They thought you couldn't date" he says. I stop tying my shoes and look up at him. "What?" I say.

I see him exhale, cross his arms over his chest as he's looking at my living room, away from me.

"Um, bestie, who thought I couldn't date?" I ask him, look down, and continue tying my shoes. I hear him exhale again. He's annoyed. I can tell. But why? Well, only one way to find out.

I finish tying my shoes, stand up from the first step of the staircase and walk over to him, sitting on one of the chairs in the dining room table. I stop a few inches away from him, not knowing how to approach this first interaction between us now that we're boyfriend and girlfriend. This is the first conversation we're having after what happened upstairs, on my bed. I feel my cheeks getting warm thinking about that.

After he had stood up from my bed, he said he needed to use the restroom, and would let me get ready to walk over to his house. He walked out of my room before I could say anything. I heard the hallway restroom door close and then the water running. I know what he was doing. I'm not experienced, but I'm also not dumb. I feel my face getting even warmer. Focus Jazmine.

While he was in the restroom, I changed into some jeans and put on my favorite sweater knowing it's cooler outside right now. I call it Grandad's sweater even though it's mine. I put my hair up in a ponytail since my hair got messy at some point. Then, I camedown stairs and started rummaging through the living room closet for my old dark purple converse. It took me a few minutes but when I found them I pulled them out and closed the closet door, just as Huey was reaching the first step of the staircase. He looked at me, from head to toe, and I looked back down at my shoes in my hands trying to focus on anything but the warmth in my belly. Then, I heard his light footsteps getting fainter and then movement of one of the dining room chairs.

And now, here we are, with me looking at his eyes, a few inches away from him, trying to not focus on his lips, not knowing if I should do what I want to do. And then I remember, he said he would let me save the horses. I feel my smile. And he said he didn't trust he deserved to be my boyfriend. I exhale that nervousness. Well, let's start by showing him I know he does because I say so.

I put my hands on his shoulders, see him drop his arms to his sides, sit up and shift his shoulders back, I assume so I can use them as support, so I do and sit on his lap sideways, just like I did upstairs. I look at his eyes, focusing on the conversation, and say, "Tell me what's going on in your head."

I see him exhale and then feel his hands on my waist. "Is this really happening?" he says in that hoarse voice from upstairs. I feel my smirk and respond, "Yes, bestie, this is happening. You are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend. I don't care what that means, and we have time to figure it out anyways. What matters is that you stop thinking this is something you don't deserve because what you're really saying is that you don't deserve to be happy and somehow I really don't think the people that truly raised you and have loved you wanted that for you."

I feel his lips on me again. I close my eyes and let the warmth linger. He sucks on my lower lip and I feel myself shiver. Then I feel the cold on my lips again, open my eyes and see him looking at me. He says, "How do you know these things that I tell no one?" I smile knowing the answer and respond, "Because I know you Huey, through and through."

I feel him squeeze my waist and pull me into him, leaning his face on my right shoulder, resting it there and then feel his shoulders shift down and feel his arms encircle my lower back. Then, I feel him take a deep breath. I know this is our first day of being together, our first few hours, but I think I found my favorite cuddle position. Focus Jazmine.

But then I remember. Focus on what? This is what I need to focus on. On my bestie, my Huey. So, I wrap my arms around his shoulders. I feel him relax. But then, like the hamster I am, I remember what he said earlier and say, "So, what's going on in school and how does it involve me dating anyone?" I hear him groan in annoyance and want to laugh but instead I say, "Did you think I was going to forget about that bestie?"

"Jazmine" he says, annoyed, but I cut him off with, "Huey, my bestie, if we're going to do this we need to be honest. I mean I know we've never lied to each other, but" I stop because I still feel bad about this, "We kept things from each other, and I don't want us to do that anymore." I feel his back stiffen, so I bring my hands up to the back of his neck, leave them there and continue, "And I know that's going to be hard for you, but you said you would try, and I will to. When things come up in my head about the last few years I'll talk to you okay. I won't pressure you to do the same thing about your past because it's different for you, but at least try to trust that whatever's going in our dumb school is something I can handle and be honest with me."

I trust you Huey. Please trust me. You're my best friend.

I feel him move his face into my neck, feeling the warm air tickle my neck when he says, "I know Jazzy, but it's still hard. To trust." I feel him shift bringing me in closer to his chest, and continues with, "People and outcomes."

My poor bestie. But, I know him, so I say, "Then let's start with what you do trust, facts. I'll go first and then you. When I went to visit my sister during fifth she told me that during her third and fourth periods people were asking her if I was dating someone. She told them to stop talking about me. Then, she said you and I should just date. I told her that we were just best friends. I wanted to ask why people were even asking but then Ashley walked in so I told my sister I would talk to her after school. Now, you go. What's happening at school?" I feel him move away, so I drop my hands down to his arms. He looks at me, still holding my waist, inhales and just looks at me. I count the seconds, because I want to give him time to do that thinking I know he needs to do. Seven seconds, then he says, "This morning, while you were at your locker, I went to the restroom. When I was in there two idiots walked in and started talking about how the school thought you couldn't date up until this morning. Now, unless it's made public that you have a boyfriend, idiots like them and the ones at lunch are going to continue thinking you're available."

I feel myself smile and ask, "But what's the problem if I do have a boyfriend?" I see his eyebrows rise and he says, "As of an hour ago yes, but prior to that you didn't have one. And, you still have to make it obvious that you have one, which would mean we would have to be public about it."

Oh Huey. I respond, "Huey, bestie, you forget one very important thing." I see his eyebrows lower and I laugh knowing he doesn't like not knowing each factor to a problem he needs to solve. "Jazmine" he says annoyed. I say, "Bestie, you're forgetting that I have to say yes. They can ask me on dates or anything, but I have to say yes. And, why would I do that if I have you?"

I feel him shift under me, so I add, "And I only want you." He exhales worry I think and replies, "I still don't want idiots thinking it's okay to ask you out. I didn't want that yesterday, or this morning when I heard those two in the restroom, and I don't want that now." I respond, "Huey, I can't do anything about that. I can tell them I'm not interested, and I can even say I have a boyfriend, but I can't stop guys from coming up to me just as much as I can't stop girls like Ashley talking to you. I mean the only way would be if we were public about us, but I know you don't want that and really I want to keep anything we do together, including kissing, between us, in my room, where it's just you and me. So, really, I don't know how to fix this either." I see his forehead scrunch up, thinking.

"Bestie stop it" I say. I see his dark red eyes focus me, so I continue, "Why don't we just take it one day at a time and see how things go okay? We don't have to fix this problem or save the horses today." I see him smirk and he says, "I thought you were over your horse phase." I think about that. He's right I was. I say, "Well, I thought so to until you reminded me of how much I used to love horses. I think, like the braiding, and my interest in my culture, I pushed that away, trying to not remember it because I knew he wouldn't like it." I feel him stiffen.

"If he ever comes back Jazmine" he starts, but I cut him off with, "You have my permission." I don't want him getting near this life my mother and sister and I have built. He says, "As long as I'm around no one's going to hurt you or talk about you" he says. I feel that warmth in my belly again. I'm starting to think that warmth is just happiness. Wait, who's talking about me? "Wait, who's talking about me?" I see him roll his eyes and then he starts standing. I slide off, stand my ground in front of him, and say, "No bestie, I need to know who's talking about me. I can defend myself a lot better now and I want to know what they're saying so I can tell them exactly what they can do with those words."

He crosses his arms over his chest and says, "You don't want to know Jazmine. What they said is not something you want to hear and I'm sure it's not something they'll be saying again." I feel my eyebrow rise and ask, "What did you do Huey?" He rolls his eyes, drops his arms, and walks around me towards the door. I turn around and say, "Huey?" He responds now at the front door, "Put your jacket on, it's cold outside." I feel my own eyes roll.

As soon as we open the door to the Freeman house we hear the loud screeching of cars and yelling, followed by my wonderful sister's voice, "Damn Riles! What's wrong with you! Doing that kind of shit gets the popo on your ass." Then I hear the reply, "What shu mean? Don't matter long as I 'on't get caught. You just chicken." Huey and I look at each other and then hear a loud bang, followed by a screaming Riley. "That what you get for calling me chicken. Shit."

I run to the living room and find Riley on the floor, sitting crossed legged, the controller on the floor in front of him, holding the top of his head with both hands, with my sister over him holding a frying pan. "Sis!" I say. She looks up, drops the pan, hitting Riley over his head and hands and walks up to me with open arms. I hear Riley cursing and see Huey walk into the living room. As soon as my sister gets to me I open my own arms. She hugs me tighter than normal and whispers into my ear, "Jazzy, I shouldn't have said that shit to you. I wasn't thinking and said some stupid things when you visited me. I'm so sorry sis."

My sister. I hug her back and whisper, "No sis. You didn't say anything wrong. It was what I needed to hear and it kinda led to Huey and me working things out." I feel her move away and grab my shoulders, see her eyes get big and say very loudly, "So you and ma big bro finally together?" I look back at Huey holding the frying pan, standing next to Riley. I look at his face to see if he's angry or annoyed or both, but instead I see him close his eyes, shake his head and look down. "So, do this mean I get ma hair braided in the mornings to?" Riley says, still holding his head. "Riley" I hear Huey say annoyed. Riley drops his hands, crosses his arms over his chest, and says, "What? If you two bumping and grinding I should get lil' bro privileges and shit like getting ma hair freshly braided each morning." I look down, feeling my face get hot, really hot, thinking about how close we were to that earlier.

Then I hear the loud bang again, Riley's cursing, and look up to see Huey walking into the kitchen with the frying pan. I see Riley holding his head again with his hands and then he says, "What that for man?" I hear Huey say, "For watching too much BET even though I told you to cut back on it and for not cleaning up your side of the room again." I look down and see Riley say, "You just got home how you even know I ain't clean it" and Huey responds, "I just do. Now go clean it."

After about half an hour of Riley loudly complaining from the second floor about being forced into hard labor by making him clean his side of the room while he was injured from those hits to the head, he finally came back downstairs and started working on homework with my sister on the floor, while Huey and I sat on the couch. Apparently, Riley's side of the room was that disgusting that Huey didn't even want to study in there until Riley cleaned it up.

I look up at the pretty antique clock over the TV, grateful Grandad still believes in them, and see it's nine thirty. We're all probably thirsty. I get up, walk into the kitchen, grab four glasses, filling them half full of water, put them on a tray I find in the cupboard, and walk back into the living room, putting two down on the floor for my sister and Riley. They both don't notice, focused on their homework, with both holding their heads up with their pencils, clearly angry at their math problems. I walk up to Huey and put the glass on the table next to him, but before I let go of it, he grabs the glass touching my hand in the process. "Thank you" he says. I swallow and reply, "You welcome." I walk back to my end of the couch, drink some of my water, not realizing how thirsty I really was, hoping I can focus on my history reading rather than on how nice that felt.

After another half hour, once Huey and I were done and my sister and Riley had giving up on their math homework, we decided to call it a night. The boys walked us back to our house. My sister dapped Riley and to my surprise Huey, who actually returned it, and then walked in. I then remembered something important I wanted to do.

I walk up to Riley and hug him around his shoulders. I feel him stiffen and say, "Hey Jazzy, we outside and this ain't gangster." I reply, "I don't care Riley. I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of her. She means everything to me." I feel him relax and then hear him say, "To me to sis." I let go, he steps back, gives me the Riley Freeman smirk, turns around, and walks back to their house. I turn to Huey, walk up to him, put my arms around his shoulders, placing my head on his left shoulder, and say, "I know we're outside and you don't like being public about anything, but it's late, no one's outside, and I wanted to hug my boyfriend." Then I feel the warmth in my tummy when he hugs my lower back. We stood there for a few seconds, until I shivered from the cold. "Go inside" he says. I nod into his neck, let go, turn around and walk into my house. I see his eyes flicker into that deep purple as I close the door. Must be pass ten. I click the bolt and then hear his footsteps getting fainter until I can't hear them. I turn around and see my little sister sitting on the bottom step of the staircase with a big smile. "What" I say, already feeling nervous. "You telling me everything sugar plum" she says.

That night I told her about last week and thanked her for the text. "They were just horrible people sis" I say. She looks down. "They sound like it. Riles tol' me 'bout that family not being 'round for them. He shuts up whenever we talk bout extended families. Says all he need is Grandad, McHater, their auntie and some old friends in Chi-Town." I grab her hand, while we sit on her bed, in her bedroom, full of posters of basketball players, rappers, mostly female rappers and one entire wall dedicated to Riley's art, with her birthday gift right in the center. She looks up and I can see the glossiness in her eyes. "They gots us though right and they don't need them assholes" she says. I smile, bring her into a hug and say into her hair, "Of course sis. I told you. Those boys need us just as much as we need them." I feel her arms come up and hug me. After a few seconds I hear her say, "Wait sis, I still got some questions." We pull away and I see the smirk again that makes me nervous. She says, "So what happen today between you and ma big bro?" I feel my face get warm. I see her open her mouth and she says, "Jazzy, you didn't?" I stumble my words saying, "No sis, no. We didn't do that. We just kissed again and cuddled later but nothing like that." She smiles again. I ask, "What?" She responds, "Can't wait 'til the wicket witch finds out you two together now." I look away knowing. "What's wrong sis?" she says. "Well, you know Huey. He's not really public about this kind of stuff so I don't think anyone in school's really going to find out." I hear her laugh and look back up at her. "Sis?" I say. She finally stops laughing and looks at me with that smile, the 'Beans' smile, and says, "I bet you befor' semester ends the school will know." I feel my eyebrow rise and ask, "How's that gonna happen if the semester ends a week from Friday?" She says, "Oh, you see sis. I bet bank that it's ma big bro that makes the move to, knowing that jealous Freeman streak." Before I can reply, my sister's bedroom door opens and our mom walks in with a tray with three cups.

"I have our tea my loves" she says. "Why don't we just have it in here and talk about today?" she says. I can already feel my anxiety. "Ok mama" my sister says, then gets up, unfolds her TV tray table and mom places the tray on it. Mom pulls up my sister's desk chair, takes a sip of her tea, and says, "So, anything new my loves?" I hear my sister say, "Jazzy and McHater finally dating." I look at her, my eyes as big as saucers I'm sure. "Sis!" I say. She responds, "What Jazzy? Mom gonna find out anyways and better she know from you." That's very true, but I just wasn't expecting to talk about it so soon. I respond, "But it just started, and we don't really know if it's going to work and you know how Huey is all embarrassed and private about this stuff and I don't really know if he likes me that much and" but I stop when I hear mom laughing. I look over at her and see she's holding her hand over her month, trying to not laugh harder. "Mom?" I ask. She stops laughing and says, "I already know baby."

"Jazzy" I hear my sister say. I look over at her and see that worried look. "Sorry sis. I just thought I heard mom say something that's impossible." My sister smirks and says, "Like how she already know you and McHater dating?" I look back at mom and see she's smiling now. "Mom?" She inhales through that smile and says, "Huey asked for my permission last week." I blink, breathe, blink, and say, "Excuse me?" She takes a sip from her tea, puts it back down, and says, "Huey came to the office last week. He had called the day before asking if we could talk. I had a few things to talk to him about to, so I told him to come see me on Saturday when the office would be empty, save for a few paralegals. I wanted to thank him for everything he's done to take care of you and your sister." She stops, looks at my sister and says, "I still have to talk to Riley, but that will come later my love." I see my sister look down and blush. Mom turns back to me and says, "I also wanted to give him information he had previous asked for to have access to the security cameras at the office. Normally I would not give that kind of access to anyone, but I trust the Freemans." She takes another sip and then continues, "After the business talk was out of the way, I asked him why he wanted to meet me there if I could have given him all of this information here at home." She smiles at me and says, "He said he wanted to talk about you and didn't want anyone interrupting us." I swallow, reminding myself everything always works out somehow. "Then he said he kissed you." I blink, once, twice and say, "But mama, I also kissed him." She smiles and says, "I'm sure you did honey, but he's a gentleman and wasn't going to tell me what you did." I feel my smile. She continues, "He said he wasn't sure where things were going but regardless needed to ask for my permission to see you, if it went further. Then" She looks away, sad, I think. "Mama?" I say. She looks up and says, "He said he wanted me to know that he would do what he could to always protect you, but" she stops, exhales and says, "He was still trying to figure out certain things about himself and didn't want to hurt you in the process. He didn't tell me what those things were, but I can suspect. I reminded him that he's a good person and is becoming a great man every day and I was sure he would figure those things out in due time. Then he left."

I look down at my hand, the one he touched today when he grabbed the glass of water from me. I exhale and say, "He doesn't think he deserves to be happy because of his past mama, a past he didn't have control over. Because of a family that wasn't good to him or Riley. I think he doesn't want to connect me to that past or that family." But I don't care about that. I just want to help him smile more. I hear mom say, "Honey." I look up and see her eyes glossy, just like my sister's eyes were a few minutes ago. She says, "Whatever thought you had right now, make sure to see it through." I smile at her and then feel my sister grab my hand. I look over at her and she says, "And if it be 'bout the wicket witch, I'ma be pulling the first hair out."

"Who's the wicket witch baby?" we hear mom ask my sister. We both start laughing and proceed to telling her all about the wicket witch.

* * *

If I see one more asshole look at her I am going to go home and get my katana and I will use it. On every. Single. One. But it's also not helping that she's wearing that. I groan.

"Bestie what's wrong?" she asks. Really Jazmine? Has she not noticed that since we got to the bus stop this morning forty-eight hormonal idiots have looked at her, two of which were female? Half of them even had the balls to step up trying to talk to her until they looked at me and saw their impending demise.

"Bestie?" she says. I look over at her. Her hair is up in that bun that I still haven't touched because it was inappropriate up until yesterday and right now we're in a busy cafeteria with those same idiots looking at her bare shoulders that look almost pale against the dark green sweater she's wearing. I groan for the fiftieth time today wondering where my self-control went and exactly when it left.

It was never this hard to not want to touch her. But, it was also never something I could do. If I'm honest with myself, if I'm honest, I will accept that I started feeling like this about her after that last funeral. Before that, she was my friend, and still was after, but, after that funeral and just how sane her voice kept me, I knew if her voice could do that to me, then the rest of her could probably lead me to things I never thought possible. And it was confirmed last week and yesterday when she said that I could have her, that it could be possible. Hearing those words and knowing them made me feel different. They made me be different. It might sound selfish, but I want to touch her because when I do, like I did for the second time yesterday during lunch and then again in her room, and finally in my living room, when I couldn't stop myself from touching her hand, I felt better than I was before. It's like every time I touch her some of that filth from my past leaves my soul. That's if I believed in souls of course.

"Did you have to wear that?" I say, because it's driving me insane and I want to touch you in front of everyone for every selfish reason I have. She tilts her head and her very Jazmine way says, "Why, you don't like it?"

I close my eyes, hoping I can stop my body from doing something I will regret later. But really I'll only regret it because I don't want anyone else seeing anything we do together. I try to remind myself I've touched her shoulder before and I even laid my chin on it, but that was also months ago and before I knew what we are now was possible. Now I want to kiss every part visible to me even with the student body around us.

"Yo, so we going to that party sis?" I hear her sister say. I inhale. Grateful for the reprieve from my thoughts and annoyed that this was the topic she chose. That party. I open my eyes and see those idiots at the table where the sorry excuse for male athletes sit. I'm sure with the training I've given these two, even with the very minimal attack training I've given them, they could take on most of them. I feel my temperature drop either way. I inhale. We have to deal with this. I told her I would trust her and in that I have to deal with this without going over there to beat them myself and still letting these two make their own decisions.

I feel her hand on my leg, under her extra sweater. In the morning she asked me to leave it in my locker even though I told her she should take it to class because she might get cold. She told me she'd be fine. She probably was fine, but I wanted her to cover up those smooth shoulders. I gave in as usual. Then she texted me during our second period asking me to bring the sweater to lunch. I thought she would be putting it on, which gave me some relief, knowing I wouldn't have to look at her shoulders for the entirety of our lunch break, but when I handed it to her she thanked me and put it on her lap. And now, her hand is on my leg, under the sweater. I'm starting to think I might not be the only one suffering not being able to touch each other in public.

"I don't know sis. There's going to be a lot of stuff there we don't do" she says. Cindy replies using her fist to hold up her chin, "I know, and I 'on't wanna go either but I have to cuz a new girl is transferring to our school and from what I heard she real good so she's probably gonna be on the team next year and she's gonna be showing at the party. I mean Riles 'on't want me going either but I 'on't know what to do."

I inhale again knowing I couldn't care less about whoever that new student is, but I know Cindy cares because it could affect her team and Jazmine cares because she wants her sister to be happy. Jazmine.

"If you're going to go we need to start your actual attack training tonight" I say. I feel her hand stop drawing the alphabet on my leg. I was thinking about influential black Americans beginning with the letter she was drawing. She was on 'F' for Frederick Douglass. I wanted her to finish. "Really?!" I hear from my right and cover my ear. "Jazmine" I say. "Sorry bestie, really though?" she says. I look down at her and see her eyes sparkling. She's happy. Good.

I exhale and remind her, "I thought I told you to not call me that in public?" I see her smile and look down at those lips. The gloss she had on in the morning is gone and I can see that pink color. The color I've thought about many times in my room alone, trying to think of baseball or anything else that would help the stiffness go away, never really finding a cure to it other than going to the restroom and taking care of it myself like I did in her restroom yesterday.

"You two know you in public right?" I hear from her sister. Those two really are similar. I look back at Cindy and say, "You really can be annoying, like a female version of Riley." She smirks, crosses her arms over her chest, and says, "Thanks bro. I be sure to add that to ma speech when both Riles and I make it to the NBA." Then I see her smirk that evil smirk Jazmine told me about. The one apparently that leads to embarrassing someone in the vicinity. She says, "You knows. I think I'll start practicing ma speech now." I feel my eyebrows rise. I hear the giggle next to me. Cindy drops her hands, swings her legs out, stands up, and stands on top of the bench she was just sitting on and says, loudly, "Yo! Everyone! I got an announcement so listen up!"

If she says anything about Jazmine and me, I will have to drag a screaming Cindy out of the cafeteria. Then I hear the giggle again and the hand squeeze my leg. Jazmine whispers into my ear, probably not aware of what it does to me, "Relax bestie. She's just being Cindy." I exhale but prepare myself to get up and drag her out screaming and hollering, but still drag her out.

The cafeteria gets quiet and Cindy continues, "As you'll dumb asses know! I am Cindy McPhearson! C-Murph or McPhearson to all you'll asses! And yes! I am the one that was part of the chocolate fundraiser biz! Do not mess with ma money! Now this, ova here, is ma sister Jazzy! And no one can call her that other than me, McHater ova there and Riles! That ova there being all haterish is the McHater! The one and only! He will hate! But he also ma bro so he get 'way with it! Now! The reason for the announcement is to remind you'll assess that next year Riles, aka Riley Escobar, aka H.R. Paperstacks, aka Horse Choker, aka Pillsbury Doughboy, aka Louis Rich will be here! And he is ma ride or die as McHater just reminded me! And we do run this shit! Which is why we got this table! So, don't mess with us! End of announcement! Go back to your hatering ways bitches!" She steps down, bows, which I didn't think she was capable of, and sits down.

"I love you sis" I hear Jazmine say in between laughing. Cindy winks at her and then looks at me and says, "How that sound for ma first speech at this bs of a school bro?"

I look down and shake my head, not believing this is my life, but knowing in my gut I would have it no other way.

"Hi Huey." Except for that. I hear Jazmine say, "Ashley, what do you want?" I can't deal with her right now. I need to think about ways I can tweak their training for tonight. I'm sure if I can use the same defense moves but add an attack at the end I can teach them how to attack in several ways by tonight. The party is in two days. That gives me tonight and tomorrow night and I can let them rest on Saturday before they go. Of course, I'll make them take their bb guns. I'm sure Riley can help with getting them smaller ones to conceal them even better. He can go over shooting while I practice with each one separately. I wonder how small he can get the guns? Maybe one that fits in a small purse or a pocket of a dress. She likes wearing dresses. I wonder if she'll be wearing anything revealing. Focus Huey. I know she'll wear something she can move in easily. She said she only wants to be there for an hour or two and then leave. Should I go? No. She wants to be there with her sister, and I know I'll be casting my shadow over them. I have to trust them. More specifically, I have to trust her.

"Huey" she says. I exhale and feel that cold shiver on my leg that I'm sure Jazmine felt. I look up at that girl. I do remember what those guys said in the restroom. They could've been lying, but I couldn't care less. Prior to that I wasn't interested, but after hearing that I also realized Jazmine has a lot more self-respect than many girls that come to this school. Both Jazmine and her sister. I also just realized something else. Jazmine's gorgeous. She was always a pretty girl but in the last few years she's become what the description of gorgeous is and that body of hers only adds to it. I wonder how much more she'll be when we're older.

"So, Huey. The party is this weekend and I was wondering" she says. As she talks I also remember she's the reason these guys are trying to get to Jazmine. "No" I cut her off. Normally, I'm respectful to women, but I realized she's not a woman. She's an immature girl that will hurt Jazmine because she has a crush that more than likely has to do more with being rejected than her actually liking me.

"Excuse me?" she says. "Ma big bro said no hoe now go, jeez, have some self-respect" I hear Cindy say from across the table. That girl does that thing again that makes me consider getting a restraining order. She purses her lips, squints her eyes, making her look like a raisin, then opens them again, smiles and says, "But why not Huey? You deserve to be with a girl at your level and she ain't." I feel the hand on my leg shaking. She's mad. She should be. Then I hear Jazmine say, "Leave now Ashley before I slap you so hard everyone in this cafeteria will be seeing your underwear, if you're even wearing any today." I see her look down at Jazmine like she's beneath her in some way and consider adding delusional to the petition for the restraining order. She rolls her eyes, looks back up at me, and says, "And she only half of what you really want anyways with that fat ass on her."

I could've stopped her, but she deserved to defend herself. I saw it in slow motion of course while I'm sure everyone else didn't see it coming at all. Her reflexes are a lot faster than they use to be. I feel some sort of pride in that. By the time everyone knew what had happened that girl was on the floor, with her skirt up completely, revealing, thankfully, underwear. I got up right behind Jazmine, knowing what was about to happen, and grabbed her around her waist before she threw herself on top of that girl.

"Damn hoe! You got knocked the f!" I hear Cindy say and then add, "never mind," and continues laughing over her, thankfully not trying to fight her to. I can probably hold on to both Jazmine and Cindy, but I don't want a headache today.

"Let me go Huey! I'm going to kill that skinny troll!" Jazmine screams, trying to squirm out of my arms. "Jazmine" I say, trying to calm her down. "I will kill her! The hell's her problem talking about me being half black! I'm proud you skinny bitch!" I have to calm her down. "Jazmine calm down" I tell her but she's still trying to climb out of my arms. "But you heard her Huey! I love my curves and I got them from my mama you bitch!" she screams. I look up and see one of the counselors running over, right behind the jocks. I need her to calm down before they get here, or they'll automatically assume she started the fight. There are also too many witnesses to get out of here without someone saying it was Jazmine. Shit. I pull her in closer, feeling her round ass on me and hold in the groan. I hear her exhale with the pull and say, "Huey, what are you," but I cut her off with, "Jazmine you're making this really hard for me, now stop trying to get out of my arms, and calm down so you can explain what happened unless you want to get suspended." I look down at her face, see her breathing hard, and see the blush. Adorable. Not the right time. Focus Huey.

"Hey, what happened here?" I look up and that see that jock that invited them to the party staring at the girl on the floor. He smirks at her, seeming disgusted. So, the jocks aren't her friends either. Then he looks up at Jazmine and says, "Did she hurt you Jazmine?" I feel my temperature rising. Is this fool really going to flirt with my girlfriend in front of me for a second time? Then I remember they don't know. He still knows she's my friend and that's enough of an excuse for me to beat him for flirting with her right now. I start letting go of Jazmine's waist, but like she's reading my mind, she grabs my fists that are at her side now and whispers, "Bestie, let me handle this okay." I exhale, trying to relax, letting her hold on to my fists. I feel her slid her small fingers between my knuckles and squeeze, then she adds, "Trust me." I close my eyes, trying. I need to try to trust her, but I also realize I don't know how to do that.

I feel the loss of her hands, I open my eyes, and see she has her hands on her hips now, where my hands should be no matter where we are. I hear her say, "Does it look like she hurt me? She insulted me and she got what she deserved." I see him taken a back by her response, but then he smirks and I see that interest in his eyes that reminds me I can kick his teeth in in half a second.

"What happened here!" I turn to the left and see the only reason that asshole is not on the floor, the counselor, who's breathing hard after running a quarter of a mile. The counselor looks down and gets beet red seeing the girl on the floor that's just now starting to move. He unzips his sweater, takes it off, throws it on top of her and says, "Cover up now young lady." She sits up and I see her eyes focus, look at me and then at Jazmine with a look that makes me step up right behind her, making sure she knows Jazmine not only can take care of herself but has me.

Then she looks at the counselor with big eyes and I can already see where she's going with this. "She hit me Mr. Leon!" she says and covers her face with her hands. "Is that true Ms. Dubois?" he says, looking at Jazmine. "Yes, but she insulted" she starts. "That's it! Principal's office Ms. Dubois!" Jazmine says, "But Mr. Leon you're not letting me" but he cuts her off with, "Ms. Dubois what I'm seeing here is enough to show me what happened." I feel her exhale frustration. I step up, closer to her, and feel that strawberry smelling bun under my nose. I feel her hand on my leg and hear her breathe out, "Please trust me." I close my eyes, letting that smell calm me. Maybe letting her take the handle on this is enough of a start. Relax Huey. She is stronger than most of these idiots know. I hear her say, wondering where she finds a way to sound polite even when she's frustrated, "Yes Mr. Leon." I feel her hand leave my leg as she starts walking towards the cafeteria entrance.

"Hold on sis" I hear from Cindy who had been unusually quiet for the last few minutes. Jazmine turns to look as her and says, "Cin, no." I feel my eyebrow rise. "I gots to sis" she says, then Cindy looks at the counselor and says, "You sure you taking that side Leon?" The counselor's eyes get big and he stammers out, "What do you mean Ms. McPhearson?" She says, "You know what I mean Leon. There's dirt I can sweep up so really think 'bout what side you taking right now." I hear those light steps and then see Jazmine next to Cindy and hear her whisper, "Sis no. I'll take it. Do not do this or you might get in trouble and I will not let you get kicked off the team." Cindy looks at Jazmine, scrunches up her nose and says, "But sis. You know why he doing this. He a little trifling bitch and I can get you outta this." I see Jazmine smile at her and she says, "I know sis, but it could still backfire, so just let me take this one. Next time I'll even help you sweep." I see Cindy suck her lips in, exhale, look down and she says, "Fine, but only cuz you ma big sis."

I'm sure I know what's going on, but I'll talk to Jazmine about it later. I see Jazmine hug her sister, whisper thank you, turns around, walks up to the counselor and says, "You're lucky I stopped her." Then she walks towards the crowd and it moves to open the pathway for her. I look at her hips as she walks out the cafeteria reminding myself I get to hold those while she tells me what's going on later.

* * *

This is so unfair. I was only defending myself. I exhale and look up at the clock. It's almost six. I should be at the nursing home right now helping Monique with filing or bringing tea or coffee to the residents. Instead I'm in the conference room waiting for my mom to finish talking to the principal. My mom. She had to leave work early because of this. I feel bad knowing that. I have to try to focus on something else or I'll start getting anxious. I look up at the ceiling. It looks familiar. Oh yeah, it reminds me of the ceiling I was looking at that day Mark attacked me. I inhale. Okay, maybe not the best train of thought but maybe I should think about this. Now that it's been months, maybe I can process it better. I still feel that fear creep up but it's not paralyzing anymore. Like, it feels more like anger at myself for not flipping him over my shoulder when I could've. But, I didn't know how to crouch properly, swing my elbow back with all my strength, grab his arm, push up and drag him over my body, remembering to keep my chin relaxed and tucked into my chest. I didn't know those things back then. I smile knowing I know those things now. Then I remember this is the room where I asked Huey if he could take me to Chicago with him one day. That moment was so painful, thinking about how he reacted, but I can't even imagine how hard it was for him to be reminded of that place. Happy thoughts Jazmine, happy thoughts. Yes, he might feel like that about Chicago right now, but I will do whatever I can to change that for my bestie.

I hear the doorknob turn and look back down. The principal walks in first, then my mom, followed by a very pretty lady with bleach blonde hair and blue eyes, then Ms. Lola, and finally Ashley, holding an ice pack to her cheek. Don't smile Jazmine. You're in trouble.

They all take a seat with mom sitting next to me and Ashley and the woman I'm guessing is her mom facing us with Principal Harris and Ms. Lola on opposite ends of the table. The principal starts with, "Ms. Dubois I'm really disappointed in what happened today. You are one of my best students and that includes the group you associate with. Now, care to explain your side of the story?" I exhale, sit up, putting both palms down on the table, hoping I don't lunge myself at that girl that I can see smirking under the ice pack. I start, "Yes Principal Harris, I was in the cafeteria" but then I feel my mom place her hand over my right hand on the table and hear her say, "Wait honey, I need to make sure of something before you go on." I look at her blue eyes, looking at the principal, and see that look again, the one when she was pushing her way through the police to get to me. She says, "Principal Harris I need to be assured that during my daughter's explanation she will not be interrupted by either Mrs. McNeil or her daughter since." But she's cut off by the bleach blonde lady saying, "But why" but my mom cuts her off this time with, "And if I am interrupted one more time as I was several times, very rudely may I add, just a few minutes ago, I promise everyone in this room there will be legal repercussions." I see that lady, who I assume is Mrs. McNeil, purse her lips. Then I hear that screech saying, "But mom! She's just gonna" and then Mrs. McNeil looks at Ashley and says, "Ashley you shut that mouth right now." I wonder just how good my mom is in court if someone like Mrs. McNeil and however much money her family has is afraid of her. I hear my mom's strong voice continue, "As I was saying, my daughter should not be interrupted once during her explanation since Ashley was able to explain her side of the story without my daughter being in the same room to defend herself."

I look back at the principal and she says, "Of course. It's only fair." She looks at Mrs. McNeil and says, "Is that something you and your daughter can agree to?" I see Mrs. McNeil look at Ashley and see Ashley look away. Mrs. McNeil looks back up at the principal and says, "We agree to not interrupt."

I breathe, sit up, and tell them what happened. How she came up to our table, asked my best friend to take her to a party, and I told her to leave, knowing he's rejected her several times but he's too nice to tell her off himself. I told them how she didn't leave and instead told him he deserved someone at his level. Then, I stop and look down, embarrassed that I let this get to me, knowing Huey doesn't care. I feel my mom squeeze my hand. I breathe out and then tell them she told my best friend I was only half of what he really wanted. I hear my mom say, "What?"

I'm stronger today I remind myself. I swallow, look up, straight into those icy blue eyes that aren't as pretty as my sister's or my mom's and say, "You think Huey doesn't like me because I'm half black but you're wrong. That actually makes no sense if you know who he is. He doesn't care about what I am or am not. But you don't deserve to know even that much. He's my best friend because he is and I will always defend him from girls like you that don't care about him."

I see her drop the ice pack from cheek and see the purple already forming on that cheek. I want to feel bad, but I don't. She gets up and I can see her shaking. Mrs. McNeil says, "Ashley sit down right now." She just stands there shaking, looking directly at me and says, "He's the hottest guy in this school and I am by far the hottest freshmen! All the guys want me! But I want Huey! Huey! You are not at his level! Look at you with your fat ass and big hair. You know he wants me, but he hasn't tried anything because you're always around!" I hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Ashley, sit down right now and shut up before you say anything that can get us sued!" Then we hear that screech say, "But mom I am prettier!"

Out of the chaos, we hear Ms. Lola's calm voice say, "Principal Harris I think we've heard enough to know that this incident started with Ashley approaching their table and starting an argument, where Jazmine defended herself. I do not condone violence and I have known both girls long enough to know that they both do not normally act out violently. Therefore, I suggest a suspension for both for one day so they can both think about what they did and can come back on Monday level headed about this situation. One day out of school will not be sufficient to affect their grades and we can agree to not mark this incident as disorderly behavior, so it does not go on their records."

My record. That's right. It affects me getting into AP classes next year, which will affect me getting into good colleges. I look at the principal who's looking at Ms. Lola. She must be at least twenty years younger than Ms. Lola now that I think about it. But, I see she doesn't look down at Ms. Lola, instead I see that same look my mom gives to Ms. Lola. That look of admiration.

The principal says, "I agree Ms. Lola. Now we just need to have everyone else in the room agree." Half a second later we hear Mrs. McNeil say, "We both agree." Then, we hear Ashley's screech, "But mom she slapped me, and I have a party this," but she's cut off by Mrs. McNeil saying, "You're not going anywhere this weekend after your father finds out about this young lady!" Mrs. McNeil looks back at the principal and says, "Thank you for your time." She stands, grabs her purse, and walks to the door. I hear my mom say, "Mrs. McNeil before you leave I would like to give you and your family one suggestion." Mrs. McNeil replies, without even looking back at my mom "And what is that?" I hear my mom exhale and then says, "I highly suggest counseling on racial sensitivity by either the school counselor or a private one for your daughter." I see Mrs. McNeil inhale and then screech, "Ashley, car now!" I look back at Ashley, standing there, looking at me and she says, "This isn't over," mouthing 'Jazmon' at the end. I feel my mother squeeze my hand as I inhale. Then I hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Ashley now!" Ashley turns, walks to the door and stomps out, like a five-year-old, followed by Mrs. McNeil.

I hear Ms. Lola, in that warm voice again, say, "That was an event. Would anyone like some tea or coffee because I think we need that right now?" I feel the pressure leave my hand as I hear my mom's laugh and then she says, "Coffee would be nice Ms. Lola."

After that, it was nice. The principal asked mom how work was going. Apparently, my mom is really well known for her court cases. Ms. Lola talked about her joints starting to hurt her more. Both mom and the principal talked about their careers and Ms. Lola reminded them to take time with their families. I found out Ms. Lola lives alone after her Australian Sheppard died a few years ago. Her husband also passed about ten years before that. They didn't have children and decided to spend their lives raising their dogs. I really like Ms. Lola.

On the way home mom told me Cindy was already at the house, more than likely at the Freeman's playing video games with Riley and waiting for news of what happened today. "I'm sorry mom" I say, looking down. "You had to leave work early and you just started working there and" but she cuts me off with her hand on my left one. I look up at her as she continues driving and see her smile. She says, "Honey, I'm happy I was there to see how much you've changed and how willing you are to stand up for yourself now." I feel that smile pulling at me, thinking of my mom being proud of me. She lets go of my hand, grabs the steering wheel again and says, "But I do want to ask you about something." I say, "Anything mom." Her smile turns into purse lips and says, "What that girl said about you. Do you believe that?"

I look out my window, not really wanting to answer. I hear her say, "I see." I look back at her and say, "It's just that my hips are a little bigger than most girls and my hair sometimes doesn't do what I want it to do." I see her smile at this, which confuses me, and then she says, "That hair and those hips came from my family." I feel my eyes get big and then say, "I know I have your hips but my hair mama?" She laughs through her nose and says, "Remember honey I'm creole and that hair came from your grandma."

I start to remember my grandma. Last time I saw her was when I was six I think. Mom and Tom sent me to Louisiana on a plane by myself. I remember going to sleep on the plane, waking up, and then having a flight attendant walk me out to meet my grandma and auntie on the terminal. I remember her now. It's been so long. I smile, remembering exactly what she looked like. The dark cream-colored skin, the yellow bouncy hair that reminded me of sunshine, and those eyes. I look up at my mom and say, "Mama I also have grandma's eyes don't I." It's not a question. I know it. She smiles again and says, "Yes baby you do."

Once we got home, we got out of the car and I heard my mom say, "Meet me at the Freeman's baby. I just need to change and put my briefcase in the house." I see her walk into the house, and I start walking across the street. I have my grandma's hair and eyes and I have my mom's hips. I am pretty. I can't help but smile.

I squint my eyes to see his face, even though I know it by heart. He's standing on the sidewalk with his arms crossed over his chest. I walk up to him, look up, smile, and say, "Hi bestie."

Then I feel his lips on mine.

* * *

I know it's only eight. Seven fifty to be exact. There's still enough light out that neighbors, passerby's, anyone walking their dog, could see us. But I also know my brother and Cindy are in the guest room playing one of their video games and Grandad is taking a nap. More importantly, I wanted to taste them again. After what she did today. After how she defended herself. How could I not want to touch her? And, even more important than that, how do they taste like strawberry even when she's not wearing any of the gloss she uses to hide her real color?

I pull away, see her tinted cheeks and she says, "Bestie, why? We're outside" She looks at me, breathing those small slow breaths she does when she's excited, with those green diamonds for eyes. They're gems. I tell her the truth and say, "Because I wanted to."

I see her swallow and wonder why I waited this long to kiss her. I've wanted to for two years.

I hear the footsteps behind me and step back, away from her, only because I'm not ready for the barrage of questions that are sure to come the moment he finds out.

"Cutie pie!" I hear from behind me. I see her jump up like the squirrel she is and run around me towards Grandad. "Grandad!" she says in that voice that reminds me of when we met. I roll my eyes and wonder why those things that bother me about others, like when they say 'cute' don't bother me when she says them. I turn around and see them walking into the house with Jazmine looking up at Grandad with those big dark forest green eyes of hers and hear Grandad say, "Cutie pie, now I heard you be getting into fights at school and I'm sure it's the influence of these two boys of mine. Now you tell me what happened so I can go down to that school and tell them my cutie pie and baby girl are nothing like these two-misbehaving, big headed, loud mouth" he continues into the house.

I walk into the house behind them, remembering to keep the door unlocked since Sarah will probably be coming over to talk about what happened today.

I walk into the guest room and see Riley standing up with the controller using it like a steering wheel and hear him say, "C-Murph I'ma win this time! You'll ass just got lucky last time!" I see Cindy on the bed, crossed legged, focused on the game and she replies, "Like them other six times I got lucky?" These two. These two do give me headaches.

"Jazmine's here" I say, see Cindy drop the controller, bounce off the bed, and runs out. "Hey C-Murph you just ran cuz you know I'm 'bout to win!" my brother says, then throws the controller on the bed. I look up at him and feel my eyebrow rise. He looks at me and says, "Don't be hating, you know I gots game I just let her win cuz she ma ride or die."

I close my eyes, turn around, to go to the living room and then I hear, "Huey, hold up." I turn around and see him turning off the Xbox, grabbing one of the controllers and he says, "You sure 'bout this? I mean what if they aint' ready. You know the kind of shit that go down at those parties. I mean I know I'm only fourteen and all, but you know I been to them parties and I know what's there. I would only go with Ed and Rummy and they were only there to party, but they tell me who selling stuff and what kind. And it's one of them rich kid parties where they'll have the hard shit. Girls, they, you know, they" he stops, so I finish for him and say, "They get raped there."

I see him stiffen and he looks up at me from the controller I'm sure he was trying to not crush and says, "Yeah." Even though I know this, I've thought about this, and all the possible scenarios and how I could prevent that from happening, I feel my temperature dropping. Focus Huey.

"Riley" I say, "That's why you're working on getting the smaller ones by tomorrow so they can practice using them and tonight you'll be going over how to shoot properly so as to hit the target Riley, no playing around." I see his eyebrow rise and think about how she said he's my brother and how we must both look like our father. Jazmine. He says, "I was planning that but I'ma also teach 'em how to use their fake glocks like weapons." I feel my eyebrow rise this time and reply, "Good." I turn around but then I hear it again, "Huey, one more thing." I stop and then hear him say, "Thanks for teaching C-Murph some of your karate shit to." I consider this. Maybe Grandad is right about them. "You welcome" I reply, step out into the hallway, and hear him say, "One more thing Huey." I look back at my brother and notice how much taller he is now. Maybe we both inherited that gene from that family. "What Riley?" I say. He smirks and says, "You still gay, nigga."

I turn around, shaking my head, and remember one day I'll have to apologize for the rough housing as kids and how much that probably led to his idiotism.

I walk into the living room and see Grandad on his recliner. "Grandad, where's Jazmine?" I ask. Without taking his eyes off the TV where I can see what I assume to be Gangstalicious's new music video, where the rapper is again attempting to seem as heterosexual as he was years ago, I hear Grandad say, "Cutie pie and baby girl said they needed to change to do your karate practicing you be teaching them." I remember I should probably change to. I thank him and turn around. "Wait Huey" he says. I turn around to tell him I need to change myself, but then I see him turn off the TV and look my way.

"Yeah Grandad?" I say. "Huey" he starts, "You a stubborn boy, just like I was, and your daddy was." I try to stop him with, "Grandad I really don't" but he cuts me off with, "Huey now you listen here. I ain't done." I stop and remember this is Grandad and I get my stance and humor from his line.

He exhales, squints his left eye, leans on the arm rest towards me and says, "You stubborn just like us Freeman men are and like your daddy you almost lost a jewel. Your daddy almost lost it thinking he wasn't good 'nough for that damn family, but luckily your grandma set him right and told him to go get her away from that family and give her the life he could. And you, you almost lost cutie pie cuz your big-headed self thought you weren't good 'nough because of that family to."

"Grandad?" I ask, trying to make sure I heard correctly. "You heard me boy. Your big-headed self thought you weren't good 'nough for cutie pie cuz of those damn people."

"How" I start, and he cuts me off with, "How'd I know that's why it took you this long? It's cuz I'm your Grandad Huey. We raised you. Between your Aunt Cookie and I. We raised you and I knew whenever you thought about that damn family. You had that look in your eyes, just like your daddy had whenever he thought about them. And whenever you looked at cutie pie you got that look. I just didn't wanna say nothing. I wanted you to figure it out, like your daddy did. It took your grandma to set your daddy right about that family. I don't know what it took for you but I'm just glad it happened now and not later."

I see him lean back on his recliner and look up at the antique clock he brought from Chicago. The one that hangs over the TV. I've never asked but I know it belonged to our father. He exhales still looking at that clock and says, "If I would've known you hadn't asked her to be your girl because of those damn devils I would've beat you until you remembered that you are a Freeman boy. I was 'bout to do it to until I saw you didn't look at cutie pie like that today. And that gave me hope boy that you remembered. That you remembered this is the family you belong to."

I swallow, seeing the tears at the corner of his eyes as he looks at that clock. He looks back down, turns, looks at me and says, "You listen to me Huey and listen good. You lucky you found her so young, cuz you have more time to be with her. You give her the life you can, and you be a good man like your daddy was."

I look down, knowing, after that car crash, this is the only father I will ever have and knowing I wouldn't have it any other way. Then I hear the TV turn back on and Gangstalicious singing about booties while Grandad sings along and close my eyes to prevent the headache I know is coming.

* * *

This is horrible. I can't even go to the nursing home to volunteer because my punishment includes not participating in any school related activities and the volunteering program notifies the school when students do and don't show up, so if I show up I'll get in even more trouble. God. I was just defending myself.

I look at my clock on my nightstand. Eight. I've been trying to go back to sleep but I just can't. I'm too awake from helping my sister make her lunch this morning and seeing both her and Huey off. Oh, and it doesn't help that my arms are sore. Last night was hard. I didn't think learning real attack moves would be that hard. Dear Santa, if you are real, let this week end fast because I still have to train with the new bb guns tonight and then go to that dumb party tomorrow.

I guess maybe I'll just do some of the chores. My sister said she would pass by my classes and get my weekend assignments so maybe I should at least try to do some of her chores. I sit up, swing my legs around and look for my scrunchies I took off after I laid down trying to go back to sleep. I put my hair up in a bun, remembering the pain I feel in my arms right now is so Cindy and I can protect ourselves at that party and any other party we ever have to go to.

Once I'm downstairs, I turn on the water to start washing the dishes. Then I hear two knocks on the front door. My body gets stiff. No one should be here. Everyone's at work or school right now. I know what I've been taught. I leave the water running, crouch down, crawl to the living room closet, and grab the bat we hide there now.

I stand up, next to the door and look through the peephole, and then feel myself relax. I put the bat down, unlock the bolted door and open it.

"Bestie you're supposed to be in school" I say. "Can I come in?" he says. I laugh and say, "Of course." I move out the way, letting him in, and closing the door and turning the lock behind him. I turn around and see him place his backpack by the staircase, turn around and walk to up me. I look up at those soft maroon eyes I don't get enough time to look at because of school.

"Why are you here bestie?" I ask. He looks at me, just looks. I start feeling that warmth in my belly, knowing he'd rather be here with me than in school, even if he doesn't see a point in what they teach there.

"I'm here to make sure you don't get in more trouble" he says. I feel my eyebrows rise, put my hands on my hips, and say, "I only got in trouble because of that girl that won't get it through her head that you're my best friend and won't leave you alone." I see his eyebrow rise and he says, "Is that what I am?"

I swallow, let me hands fall to my sides, feeling anxious, and look to the side of the staircase, anywhere but him. I start, "Well, you're also my boyfriend but only we know that so" and then I feel his hands on my hips. I shiver and look up at him. I look at those lips I haven't kissed today. And I remember, he really is my boyfriend, so I put my hands on his shoulders, let them crawl around his neck, lift myself up on my tiptoes, and kiss him. Just a peck. I come back down and look back up at those eyes and see a storm. So much in those eyes. Curiosity? Lust? Doubt? Mostly doubt. I don't want him to doubt.

"Bestie what's wrong?" I ask. I see him look down at my lips I think and he says, "I don't know why I'm here. I dropped off your sister, went to my locker, saw your sweater, turned around, walked out of school, and came here."

I feel that warmth in my belly grow, going into other parts. I swallow trying to remember what we're talking about, and then I do and say, "You came here because we're best friends and you didn't want me spending the day by myself." I see him look up at me and he says, "I also came because I'm your boyfriend even though I don't know what that means."

He said he's my boyfriend. He said it. Breathe Jazmine. I swallow again, remembering how to swallow, and say, "Well, since you're here, we could always just do what we would do as best friends and watch a movie or something and maybe," even though I hear the nervousness in my voice, I add, "We can learn what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend."

First, we watched Spawn, sitting on the couch in the living room, because that's what we did as best friends. He put his arm around my waist, squeezing it to remind me of the gross or scary parts so I could hide my face in his neck because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then we watched the Cowboy Bebop episodes that featured Edward because that's my favorite character and that's what we did as best friends. I hummed along with Edward's cute noises and drew music notes on his palm while humming because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then we had lunch, eating the same sandwiches my sister and I made in the morning, because that's what we did as best friends. We ate the sandwiches on a blanket in my backyard, even though he argued about the bugs and I reminded him with the kind of training he does he needs to get some sunlight because my health teacher said it helps with digesting food properly and I want to take care of him, because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend. Then he went to his house to get his SAT and LSAT prep books so I could study out of the SAT prep book and he could go back to studying for the LSATs because that's what we did as best friends. We studied in my room, with me sitting at my desk, reading through the SAT prep book and him on my carpeted floor leaning on my chair, next to my legs, reading through the LSAT prep book, while I lightly pulled at his soft afro behind his neck, because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend. After an hour of that, we went back to the living room and turned on CNN while I told him about my sister finding out that Mr. Leon and Ashley's mom, who I never wanted to meet, were caught by the principal doing things in one of the classrooms, because that's what we did as best friends. We sat on the floor, with me between his legs leaning on his chest, with our lower bodies a few inches away from each other, like we did that night months ago on our hill but this time with his hands holding my hips, because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend. When school was let out and my sister and Riley came home we all did our homework at the Freeman house, then worked on our targeting until both my sister and I were able to hit a moving Riley more than half the time, because that's what we did as best friends. Then, we all came to my house, including Grandad, and watched Soul Plan 2 for I'm sure the one hundredth time with Grandad on the single person sofa, Riley on the floor, mom, Cindy and me on the sofa and Huey sitting on the floor next to my legs, reading his SAT prep book while I played with the tips of his soft afro, because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend. After the movie ended, Huey, Riley, and Grandad walked back to their house, with Huey and Riley behind Grandad, making sure he didn't fall on any cracks since it was dark, while my sister and I stood on the porch watching them walk away, because that's what we did as best friends. After I had finished showering, I came back to my room and texted him goodnight, knowing he wouldn't reply, but woke up at midnight to my phone vibrating and a text, _Was training. Goodnight Jazmine,_ because that's what we do as boyfriend and girlfriend.

No one said anything about how close Huey and I were today, not Grandad or even Riley. I don't know why. But I do know I loved every part of today.

* * *

Hi everyone. So that's it for this chapter. We will party next chapter, promise. I'll be starting it tomorrow so hopefully it'll be up by next week. Thank you again all for reading. As you all know this is my first fanfic but I'm just loving it so much I can't even express it. Thank you Joice and Dajah for giving me the courage to do this.

-Bulma's Ego


	16. Parties and synergy

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

SG3MagicInk: Your reviews have become really important to me because it helps me grow as a writer. Thank you. Please, if you find anything else, let me know so I can change/correct/revise ASAP. Yes, the bitch slap I believe was created for that specific moment and there will be more if necessary. Thank you again and I look forward to your reviews.

The next chapter I think will help explain some ways I think the characters can/will grow/change. I have this idea that all the characters in the Boondocks world are wiser than they're portrayed on the show and we only get to see the funny moments. I hope the next chapter shows what I mean.

CHAPTER 16:

Why am I letting her do this? She wants trust. That's why. I close my eyes, exhale, open them and look at the bb guns laid out on the bed. The two colt twenty-five's they practiced with yesterday and two pullet guns Ed and Rummy dropped off this morning. The colts can be hidden in whatever purse or backpack they decide to take. Do girls take backpacks to these kinds of parties? Do they take anything? I shake my head. The pullet guns can go in their back pockets, under whatever sweater they take. Do girls take sweaters to these things? Shit. I don't like this. Why did I agree to not go and let them handle this on their own? Maybe I can just stay near the house, in some park so I can be there in a few minutes if they need me. I know some of the homeless from the shelter that hang out in the nearby park.

"Huey, I 'on't like this man" I hear by brother say from his bed. I look up and see him sitting up on his bed, scrolling through his phone. "You think I do?" I ask. He looks up at me and I can tell he's irritated but so am I. At this point I might just blow up on him. Relax Huey. Why am I this nervous? It's just a high school party. Yes, there will be drinking and weed, maybe some other drugs, but there is a possibility it will just be that, weed. I close my eyes, exhale. Right. There never is just weed.

I open my eyes and look back at the guns. Their bodies are also weapons. Between them, they can bring down a full-grown man. I know that. But, they haven't practiced on someone that was really trying to hurt them.

"What did they say?" I ask, looking at the bb guns, hoping they don't have to use them. I hear him exhale, much like I do, and he says, "They said weed and maybe some molly but no'ing more. Alcohol be flowing in though. But mixing that shit gets people stupid." Molly. It can make it so the user doesn't feel pain. I feel my temperature dropping. "Why can't we just go? Just to make sure shit 'on't happen?" I hear him say. "Riley" I start, annoyed, that I have to explain this to him again. They want. To go. Alone. Handle their business and come back. I look at him, see him stand up, look at me and then I feel my temperature rising, knowing I'm just as angry. "I'm not explaining this to you again Riley" I say seriously, because if I do I might end of whooping his ass today. He can hold his own now, better than before, but I can still remind him of older days if he wants me to.

"Huey them make it so they can't feel hits! What if they end up in some room with one of 'em dumbass jocks I see coming out of your school that are bigger! What then Hu! These guns won't do shit!" he screams.

I'm in front of him in half a second. I can see the fear he's hiding with anger, shaking. I know my brother, as much of an idiot he is. He's my brother.

I stay calm, because I know. I know. I know that he's thinking about how small those two are. And I know he's been at those parties. At some point I stopped following him at night, to drag him out by his collar back to the house, giving him a good ass whooping on the way home. He needed to learn things on his own. So, I stopped and let him go. Then, last year, he stopped going to those parties altogether.

It happened during the summer. He had come home at eleven. Early for him. He didn't bother being quiet to not wake up Grandad, even though Grandad's never been a light sleeper. He unlocked the front door, not bothering to come in through the backdoor. I knew something was wrong by that alone. I came downstairs to check on him and found the door to the guest room open. When I walked in he was sitting on the bed, scrolling through his phone.

He looked up at me, looked right through me, then looked back down at his phone. "What happened?" I asked. He looked back up, slowly. He was grinding his teeth. I got mad. I can't do shit if he doesn't talk. "What happened Riley?" I asked again.

He just looked at me, not seeing me. Then, in a serious tone, that really hasn't left since, but I doubt anyone's ever noticed, he said, "I was too late Huey." I said, "What? Stop being an idiot and tell me what happened?" Then I saw his eyes focus on me and he got louder saying, "I was too damn fucken late Huey! That's wa happen! A'ight! I was too late! Fucken Ed and Rummy were wasted, and I got bored and wanted to leave so I walked out and pass by one of them rooms and heard a girl crying Huey! So, I busted in and found her on the floor, naked, with some drunk ass fucker next to her! She just kept crying when I ask wa happen! I figure it out Huey and I almost killed him! I wanted to! The fuck! Who does that shit! Who Huey! I should've fucken killed him, but damn Ed and Rummy stop me!"

I saw my thirteen-year-old brother at the time, shaking, and then he looked down again. I had started, "Riley, you couldn't" but he looked up, and start yelling again, "They say they'll take care of him and make sure she got home, but what does it matter Huey! He still did that shit! I, I." He stopped and looked down again. I could see the tears on his pants. I closed my eyes, knowing I wasn't good at this. She was. I couldn't make people feel better. I couldn't even comfort her when I was mean to her. I opened my eyes and saw he was looking at his phone again. I heard him say quieter this time, "She starting high school this year with you'll. That's when the partying starts. I'll still be at this damn school. I won't be there no more to watch her."

I'm not surprised now that they've stayed friends even going to different schools where most kids at that age lose touch with each other. That night, as I looked at my younger brother, not knowing what do to, I thought about her and how I would never let that happen. I thought about how if he felt remotely close to Cindy as I did to her, I could understand why he felt like he should've been there sooner to save that girl. So, I remember thinking that was the only thing I could do and said, "But I will." He had looked up at me, not bothering to wipe the tears away, and nodded. I turned around, left the room, knowing he wanted to be alone, went upstairs, and saw Grandad standing in front of my door. When I reached him, he looked at me and said, "I didn't want him finding out about these things so soon, but I'm proud of how he handled it." I didn't respond, because I was to. He stopped going to those parties after that. Now he just hangs out with Ed and Rummy at the Wuncler mansion playing video games or going through their ammo or blowing things up. Another place he started going after that night to that no one knows about, possibly Cindy, is back to his art teacher.

We don't talk about it, just like we don't talk about a lot of things. But, since that day, he's grown up a bit. He's not as immature. He still says dumbass things sometimes, but not as many. He also listens more, like when I ask him to clean up the room, as small of a request as that is, he does it now. He still can act immature, but I think he does that mostly for Cindy, and because she does it for him. They both have been through their own ordeals and use each other to remind themselves that things aren't that bad. That's why he lets her hit him with a frying pan and why she follows him through his dumbass adventures with those other two idiots. I'll have to thank those two for the bb guns.

But right now, we have to deal with this situation without getting into it, so, as calmly as I can I say, "Riley, that's not going to happen." I breathe out anger and say, "I trained them, you taught them how to shoot." I see him look down at the bed with the bb guns. "And" I say, "I have the keys to Dorothy and will be there in four and a half minutes if anything happens." I mapped it out. Four if I drive through the parks on the way there.

He looks down, breathes, and says, "A'ight, but I'ma kill someone if something goes down." I wonder if the white upper-middle-class suburbs of Woodcrest are more dangerous than the streets of Chicago where we grew up.

I hear two knocks at the door. That must be them. I see him exhale and sit back down on his bed. I walk over to our bedroom door and open it.

I inhale what I think is air. Wow.

* * *

"Hi bestie!" I say.

What? Oh god, I probably have lipstick on my cheek or something, but I swear I checked before I left the house. It's probably my hair then. I mean, yes, I like it fluffy, and I wanted to put it down, but I also didn't want it getting in the way, so I put it up in two tight buns with red scrunchies that match my red off-the-shoulder tee. I also happen to use red lipstick today, just to make sure I match. Mom helped picking out the color. Of course, I'm wearing my necklace and favorite earnings. I decided on tight black jeans and some comfortable black suede lace-up heels. I walked around the house half the day with these shoes to break them in and make sure I could property walk in them. So, why does he keep looking at me like that?

"Bestie?" I say. I see him swallow. Oh god. He doesn't think I look okay. I don't care what the other guys at this party think. I just want him to think I look nice.

I start, "Look if you don't like it I can just go home and change. I mean" but he cuts me off with, "No."

"Okay" I say slowly. "Well, it's almost nine and we need to leave soon so I just wanted to come see you and get the bb guns from yesterday" I say. I have to focus on something else other than how insecure I feel right now. The guns. Focus on that. They kept the guns saying they wanted to make sure they worked properly, but I think they also wanted to see us off. I hope so anyways. Oh, I remember something else I can focus on. I grab his shoulders, lean over him, happy I'm not as short with these heels, see Riley over Huey's shoulder on his own bed and say, "Riley, my sis is outside. She wanted to talk to you about something, so she said she'd wait for you on the porch."

I see him bounce off his bed, crawl around Huey and me, saying some sort of thanks on the way, and run downstairs.

I exhale, come back down and look up at his face. He's looking away from me, down to my left, so I say, "Bestie, is everything okay?" He looks at me, opens his mouth and then closes it. "Um, are you okay?" I ask, starting to worry. Is he sick? "Are you sick?" I ask. I put my hand on his forehead. No. He doesn't have a temperature, or at least not one I can feel.

"Let me go get my thermometer to check you" I say and turn around. I'm sure it's in the hallway restroom if I remember right. But I stop when I feel his hand grab mine and hear him say, "Jazmine, I'm not sick." I turn back around, and he lets go of my hand. I ask, "Okay, what's wrong then? You're not saying anything."

I see him inhale and he says, "I can't protect you there and," he stops, exhales, then continues, "I know you need to go. I just." He looks away from me again and says "I'm trying Jazmine, I just don't trust those idiots there. Not with you looking like this."

I feel my face literally glow. Did he just say I look nice in his own very Huey way? I feel my smile pulling at my face. But, something else he said. He said he's trying? He really is, isn't he? I exhale. I know he wanted me to take two and I just want to take one, but he's trying.

"I'll take two" I say. He looks back at me. "And" I close my eyes, thinking he's just being paranoid, "I'll text every half hour like you asked me to." I look away. I mean I know there's going to be alcohol and probably weed but it's not like I drink or smoke.

I feel him grab my hand again and then a pull into his room, dragging me in, and hear him say, "Let's strap you up." Oh god, what did I agree to?

* * *

It had been going well. Really it had. Then they brought the kegs. My sister and I had been hanging out in the backyard on some lounge chairs they set up just for the team since it was supposed to be a celebration for the women's basketball team.

"So, any actual cute guys at this school?" we hear Ming say. I like her. She reminds me of my sister, just not as gangster and with a little country in her. "Look 'round girl, no'ing" my sister says. I like the rest of the team, but there's something about Ming, who, the way her and my sister talked when they first met, is definitely joining the team next year.

"Then you right. Nothing" I hear her say and I can't help but laugh. I look up at the guys chugging from the kegs. The moment they brought those out, it's like the party went from inside the house to out here. Now we're sitting here, watching these boys chug from these kegs, hoping someone's the designated driver, and hoping none of them fall into the swimming pool.

"Damn, and I thought it be cool to move here from Ohio where there really was nothing" I hear Ming say over the music, which I swear keeps getting louder every ten minutes. I hear that slight twang in her voice, but it might have come from somewhere else, other than Ohio. "Well, you welcome to come hang out with us during lunch cuz we the only good thing 'bout this bs of a school" my sister says.

"Yes, please come because next year it's going to be Huey and his brother with us two and we need more girls to outnumber them" I say. Because we do with how temperamental those two are. "Oh, that your man, right?" she says. I look down and can't help but smile. "No, he's just my best friend" I say. I mean he is my boyfriend, for like the last few days, but only my sister and Riley and my mom know. "Sure girly, you keep saying that" I hear Ming say. I look up and see my sister smirk at me, then look back down and continue playing with her straw.

I feel my purse vibrate and want to roll my eyes. Next time, he's coming, even if I have to force him, knowing he doesn't like parties. Honestly, I should've had him come with us. I told him not to come because I know he doesn't like these things and because I thought my sister would need me to hang out with her. But, now that I think about it, he would've just hung out with us and been his quiet self. Probably would've brought his LSAT book, while I peeked over his shoulder to see if I can understand some more of the essays and talk about them with him later. Then again, he might've blown up the place the way some of the guys were looking at my sister and me. I look at my sister again and love that she's using the shoes I gave her for her birthday, loose blue jeans over them and an eyelets lace up crop Ramones tee showing her toned belly. Her taste is music is becoming more eclectic since she moved in and I love it.

I feel the vibration again and roll my eyes. I told him I would text him every half hour, but it feels like he texts me as a reminder to text him every half hour. I pull out my phone and read the text,

_Ready?_

I reply,

_It's 11:30 bestie. Almost._

Huey and Riley dropped us off and said they'd be back to pick us up at midnight. I was surprised Riley didn't jump at the opportunity to stay, but then again, I think he went through that phase last year. Maybe that's why my sister doesn't see a point in it either. So many people thought they'd both really be into partying just because they listened to hip hop and rap and hung out with Ed and Rummy, but they've turned out to just be hardworking people, who happen to like that music, and who no one wants to mess with, because they are gangsters.

"Sis" I say. She looks back up at me from her straw and I continue, "I need to go". She looks over at Ming and Ming says, "Just go you two. I'll be fine. I might leave through the side door before you two come back cuz my parents said 11:45 on the dot or whatever that means." I ask, "You really aren't able to start school next week and just finish the semester with us?" She looks at me and says, "Nope. My folks still need help setting up the house so the school's just sending my assignments home and I just check in every few days. But for sure, next semester I'll see you two." Ming told us her parents are older and need help from her most of the time with physical stuff.

My sister and I hug Ming, she gives us her phone number, and then we turn to the other girls and tell them we're going to the restroom.

We've been using the buddy system whenever anyone of us has to go to the restroom, and we have good reason for it. When we got here we passed by the staircase that led up to the bedrooms and saw people coming and going, some with less clothes than I'm sure they had when they got here, and they looked pretty buzzed, if not high. And too many things can happen when people are buzzed, drunk or high.

We walk into the house, away from the DJ and loud music in the backyard, pass the kitchen first, smelling the various kinds of alcohol, walk down the hallway, and enter the infamous living room. We see a few bodies on the floor but it looks like everyone's in the back yard now. There are some people passed out on the sofa, in the corners, and one in the middle of the living room, holding a pillow. It's only 11:30, how are some people already passed out? I thought people passed out after a night of partying, not a few hours. I look at my little sister and she gives me the look I can only assume I'm giving her. We step over a few more people on our way to the foyer where the restroom is. This place is huge. Finally, at the foyer, I notice it is way too quiet now with everyone either in the living room or the backyard.

We walk up to the restroom and see the light shining under the door. I knock, wait a few seconds, but no one answers.

I look at my sister. She comes up to the door with me and we both put our ears to it and then hear, "Fuck Ashley, ride me faster." My sister and I look at each other, put our ears back on the door and hear, "I'm trying, but you gotta get hard again" in that screeching voice. I see my sister raise her fist and before I can stop her she bangs on the door and yells, "Hey hoe we gots to use the bathroom so go be nasty upstairs!"

We both put our ears back to the door and hear nothing. I start laughing because I can't hold it in.

"Sis, I can just go when we get home" I tell her in between laughing. She looks at me and says, "You know that shit ain't okay for us to do cuz it's bad for our insides. At least that's what the coach says. Nah. Let's just get outta here. This hoe's gonna be in there for a while knowing she just got caught being a hoe. Let's just go. We met Ming and she cool, and I'll text the other girls and tell 'em we left." I start, "No sis, we need to stay so you can," but she cuts me off with, "Sis, I did what I came to do, so let's get the hell outta here. Ma girls know you ma sister and you come befor' all this shit. You need to pee, and I know you ain't gonna wanna even touch that toilet, so just call McHater so they come get us." I look at her and can't believe I got so lucky to have her as my sister.

Then I see that smirk and she says, "I also wanna go home and beat Riles at GTA at least five more times tonight." I smile at my wonderful sister and say, "Alright, let's get outta here."

We start walking out as I pull out my phone from my purse, find the last text and think maybe I should just call, go to my favorites, hit send, thinking I've gotten really good at using my phone and walking at the same time, I mean I used to be such a klutz. Focus Jazmine. I look up and see my sister close to the door. Then, I feel a hand on my shoulder and hear someone say, "How my two ladies doing tonight?" My sister looks back first, scrunches her nose, and then I look back and see Mr. Popular. He looks different. His eyes are really glossy, and his pupils look big, like scary big. He says, "You two looking fine as always." I feel my eyebrows rise, thinking he must be drunk, one, because of his eyes, and two, because he's talking to us like that.

"Thompson, we leaving" my sister says, grabs my left hand, and starts pulling me to the front door. Then, I feel that hand push down and the hold tighten, holding me in place. I feel my sister let go and see her stumble forward. I feel a body come up behind me and smell the alcohol next to my right ear. I don't know why I did what I did next, but I'm glad I did. I let go of my phone, felt my purse slide down my shoulder, grab the wrist connected to that hand on my shoulder, crouched down into position, pushed my back up, and swung that wrist and anything connected to it over my body, remembering to keep my neck relaxed.

I hear a loud thud, followed by a groan. I look up and see Derek on the floor. Did I just do that?

"That's right you dick! We lethal now!" I hear my sister say. I look up and see her kick Derek's leg, hard. I exhale, thankful she had stumbled far enough that she wasn't caught by his legs.

"Cin!" I hear from my right, somewhere on the ground and see my phone lit up. I straighten out, feel my back snap and hear myself scream. "Sis!" I hear my sister say and see her run up to me. "Cindy I heard Riley on my phone, get it" I say, because I want to get out of here. "No Jazzy, you hurt" she says, looking frantic. "No sis I'm fine, he was just heavier than I thought" I say. I breathe and already feel the pain going away. I see her eyes getting misty. I say, "Sis, get the phone. I'm sure Huey's driving and Riley's on the phone. Remember what they taught us" I see her eyes focus again and she says, "You right." I look down, trying to breathe. Maybe it was the heels. I haven't practiced in heels and those could change how my body reacts to those moves. I hear my sister say, "Yeah Riles, we okay. Just come get us."

I feel her shoulders under my right arm as she pulls me up. "Sis" she says. "I'm fine, just a snap. I promise. Let's go" I say. We start walking to the door together, with her holding me up. We finally pass the front door and I feel her body jerk away, feeling the absence of that support now. I look back and see my sister looking down at something behind her, inside the house, but I can't see what she's looking at. Then I hear her say, "Thompson, let go you dick befor' I use ma glock on your ass!"

I see her jerk back, trying to move away, and then hear her say, "Fine, you want this, let me give your dumbass some." She bends down and I see Derek on the floor, looking dazed. I see her move her pants leg, unstrap the black colt, stand up, and aim it back down. I feel myself smile as she says, "This shit real Thompson, so you best be smart 'bout this."

I see her step back out of the house, still aiming it at him, turn around and holster it. She smiles at me and says, "Always wanted to do that shit." I laugh through the pain that's more just soreness now. She comes up to me, puts her shoulders under my right arm again, and we start walking to the driveway. Then, I see Dorothy. I inhale, knowing he's going to want me to train more now.

* * *

"Thank you bestie" I hear her say. I close my eyes. I know she's tired. She had a long night. I feel her move, so I drop the hot pad from her shoulder blades, trying to remove the soreness I know she's still feeling. I should've beat him until he woke up. She looks back at me and says, "What's wrong?" What's wrong? Really Jazmine. I inhale and say, "You were attacked tonight. That's what's wrong Jazmine." She turns around completely, facing me, blinks in that way when she's about to say something positive about this world and says, "Yes, I was." I feel my eyebrows rise and then she laughs. I forget sometimes what that laugh has always done for me and relax a bit.

She exhales and says, "I was bestie, but because of you and Riley's training my sister and I were able to take care of ourselves." I look back down at the floor of our living room and see my brother sprawled on the floor, asleep, with both hands under his head, facing Cindy, who's sitting on the floor, leaning on the couch, next to Jazmine's legs, also asleep.

"Thank you for not going back" I hear her say. I look back at her, exhale, and tell her the truth, "I wanted to." She smiles again and I look at those lips she had painted earlier, not really understanding why girls, women, let us tell them how to dress and look, specially to someone like her. So many things wrong with society. "Did you like how I looked today?" she asks. I know what she's trying to do. She's trying to stop me from thinking about leaving and going back to that house. And it works. Instead of getting up, walking out of the house, and driving over there like I want to, I breathe, look back up at those greens that are bright even this late at night and realize, we've never been together this late at night. This is about that time at night I wake up from those dreams. The ones about the color of her lips. "We should take you home" I say. She turns back away from me, looks down at her sister and says, "Okay. I know she's tired to."

After waking my brother and Cindy, we walked them to their house and saw them in.

"Huey" I hear from the other bed. "What?" I say, irritated. I also need sleep but it's just not coming. "McHater, just tell me you taking care of it" he says. I inhale. I want to. "Riley, let me think damn it" I say. "Whatever's McHater, just do it befor' he try touching Jazzy or C-Murph again or I see him" he says. I close my eyes, reminding myself she didn't want me to go back after we picked them up. I just wanted to be there when he woke up to beat him while he was awake. After we got there and helped them into the car, we went in and saw the pile of shit on the floor, passed out from the alcohol, whatever drugs he took that night, and hitting the floor with Jazmine's move. Jazmine. She did really well, impressive for her size, but this is just the beginning. The only reason they think they can make those moves on her is because they think she's available and wanting to meet guys. That, and because they're all idiots. I inhale frustration. Unless they have a boyfriend, idiots always think they're looking. So, they will continue. What happened tonight was just an indicator of what these idiots think of when they look at her. They just see her with no one standing next to her, because friends are just that, friends.

I have rarely agreed with my brother, because he's usually wrong, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. That clock. Chicago. Aunt Cookie. I want her to meet Jazmine one day.

* * *

One more week, five more days, and we're out of this hell for three months. Then I can start focusing on my actual studies. I need to get back to studying for the SATs. I've been focused on the LSATs for too long and haven't put enough of my studies into the SATs.

"Huey" I hear her say. I look down and breathe, looking at the pink sweater she's wearing, not showing her shoulders. "Yes Jazmine" I say and look back up at those eyes. She lifts the brown bag, smiles, points at it, and says, "We need to put this in your locker."

We're standing in front of my locker, Monday morning. Five more days and we're out of here. As I look at them, I realize, if I did have a favorite one, if I did, it would be morning jade. I get that feeling, look back up, and see two guys looking at her. They look up at me, one looks away, good, but the other one looks back down at her and steps forward. Really? I feel it rising and my hands become fists. Then, I feel her hand on my fist. I look back down, and see those jades looking at me. She opens her mouth and whispers, "Bestie, whatever it is, just calm down."

I close my eyes, hear the steps, knowing that guy is there, open them again, and see him looking at her back. He opens his mouth and I wonder if I should punch him in the face or the stomach first, and hear him say, "Jazmine right?"

I look back down at her, see her blink, turn around away from me, and she says, "Yes?" He looks away, nervous. He should be, but for other reasons. Still looking away he says, "My name is Zack and I was wondering if you would like to go to the movies, any day you want, you know after school."

I can't see her reaction, but I hear, "No thank you Zack. I'm flattered, but I'm actually seeing somebody." He looks at her, with the nervousness gone, and says, "Well, you can see other people right?" I move forward, see him move back a step, and then feel her hand on my leg. I see that bun get a little higher as she stands up straight and hear her say, "I have a boyfriend." And it's me. Damn it, just say it.

He smirks at her and I inhale that shampoo of hers hoping I feel its effect on me fast. He says, "Well, until that boyfriend shows up, you can find me at the table across from you at lunch." He turns around, walks away, and I feel my hands open.

I look down at her to see how she's doing. She turns around and looks at my chest. "Jazmine?" I say. "I'm okay Huey, I just need to go to the restroom okay. I'll see you in class" she says. I feel her push the bag into my hands, see her turn around, and walk away. "Jazmine" I say, but she doesn't turn around. Shit.

She didn't talk to me during homeroom. She answered questions and said she was fine when I asked, but she didn't start any conversations. She wasn't Jazmine. And I didn't feel like me. Somehow, just in that one hour, I started to feel like that little kid before Grandad's friend's funeral. Before the day I came back and knew she was my best friend. Up until this morning, that wasn't in question. Up until this morning, I hadn't left her hanging like that. I'd never left her out in the cold like that, as a friend or whatever we are now. I let her touch my nose at her house after that headbutt, I gave her my scarf after the snow came down in front of her burning lemonade stand, and I let her into our house during the chicken flu epidemic. But this morning, I did none of those things. Just left her there, in the cold.

I went to the cafeteria, not knowing what I would find. I felt the air leave my body when I saw her there, at that table with her sister. I walked up and swallowed, trying to remember all the tactical experience I have.

I sat down next to her and felt her sit up straight. "Jazmine" I said, but she cut me off saying, "Sis, I think mom wants to go to Louisiana this summer so we can see grandma." I say, "What?" I see her look down and she says, "I was going to tell you during homeroom, but it just didn't come up. Mom said she wants to take my sister and me towards the end of summer so it's not really even happening soon." She's not leaving yet. Good.

"That sound good sis. I can finally meet grandma" I hear Cindy say. I look across the table and see her sister drawing on a paper. Looks like a face, one I recognize.

I look back at her and say "Jazmine, can we," but she cuts me off again saying, "Huey it's okay. We knew it was going to be like this. I can just tell them I have a boyfriend, because I do." She hasn't looked up. More importantly, she hasn't look at me.

I feel it again. That feeling I had when the 'nothing' walked up to us on the first day of school, then when asshole number one walked up to this table last week, and this morning when asshole number two walked up to us at my locker. Asshole number one just happens to not be here today. But, I feel it again, right now. I look up and see another guy. Another one. Damn it. It's been less than a week and one has already stepped up right in front of me. I'm sure she hasn't told me about other idiots that have asked while I wasn't around. And I also know I can trust her. I know she's told them she has a boyfriend. I feel that thump in my chest. She has a boyfriend. A boyfriend whose dead parents wanted to be happy. I swallow. A boyfriend she makes happy. I inhale. A boyfriend that deserves her. I exhale.

I look up at that idiot and put my hand on her leg, intentionally. I feel her shiver and hear her whisper, "Bestie, we don't have my sweater." I answer, "We don't need it."

He comes up, smiling down at her, and says, "Jazmine right?" And I answer, "What do you need with my girlfriend?" I hear those small slow breathes next to me. He looks at me, swallows, and stammers, "What you say Freeman?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, slowly, because he is an idiot, "You got a hearing problem? I said what do you need with my girlfriend." He looks back at her, then at me.

"Damn this shits hilarious" I hear from Jazmine's sister and then her cackle that reminds me of Riley's rapping.

I feel her small fingers slide between mine and hear her say in that polite way I haven't gotten tired of in five years, "My boyfriend asked what you need with me." I see him look away, mad I think. Good. He says, still looking away, "Didn't even get a damn chance." Then he turns around and walks back to that section where the jocks and the rich entitled kids hang out and talk about things no one else but themselves cares about.

"Damn sis, I tol' you, I tol' you!" I hear Cindy say, in between cackles. I feel her head on my shoulder and hear her say, "You were right sis." I hear them laugh.

I try to not be selfish, with Grandad, my brother, the black community, but in this respect, she makes me feel different and I want that.

"Bestie" I hear her say, "Our synergy is back." Her lemonade stand, where I depressed the passersby with the truth, and she gave them hope with her lemonade. Good sales strategy. She called it synergy back then. I close my eyes, shake my head, look down, and open them to see her hand over mine, with her fingers between my own. She calls it synergy. I don't know what it is. I just want it.

* * *

End of chapter. Thank you all for reading. I promise movement from here on. Please review/comment as usu with however you're feeling the story. And I'll say it now, I'll start getting busy with classes in two weeks but until then I plan on writing and writing and writing.

-Bulma's Ego.


	17. Hamburgers and trips

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

SG3MagicInk: I went back and watched that episode this week (actually I've been watching Boondocks for several weeks now) and laughed so hard when I saw Huey's reaction to that again. I mean Huey's face when he was like "25% tops" is unforgettable lol. Funny thing is as I'm watching the show again I'm starting to see just how much I liked Riley's perspective on things. Like for real, I mean why I don't I just give her the money I was gonna spend on dinner and that hoe can go grocery shopping LOL. And yes, I seriously love these characters so I'm having fun with the character development. I'm waiting for Huey to go all bezerk to. Thank you for the tip. I did exactly that and it helped me enjoy writing the next chapter even more. I look forward to your review on the following chapter, if you have time of course.

CHAPTER 17:

Finally. Last day of school is today. I can't wait to relax and have fun with my sister and my bestie and Riley. There's going to be lots of playing around with our bb guns, some training I'm sure, maybe some trips to the beach, and hopefully lots of cuddles with my boyfriend. My bestie. Huey. Huey is actually my boyfriend. I feel my cheeks getting warm. Focus Jazmine. What was I thinking about? Oh yeah, not being here at school. No more guys looking at me and trying to talk to me while my boyfriend's not around. I can't believe they still try to ask me out on dates. Some do try to talk to me just to be friendly, telling me they were interested in how I answered a question in class, but some are just talking to me to ask me out. I can feel my eyes roll. Do they really think I can't see how some of them basically look me up and down? I mean, maybe this is something that guys just do, but I never noticed until now, not until Huey started looking at me like that anyways. Well, I mean in the non-creepy way. Huey looks at me in a different kind of way than those other guys do. I wonder if he's been doing that for a while now and I just didn't notice. I feel my cheeks getting even warmer. God, am I ever going to stop reacting like that whenever I think about Huey looking at me in that way?

"Any idiots today?" I hear in that deep monotone voice I haven't gotten tired of in over five years. I also pick up a hint of irritation in there. I look over at my boyfriend who's wearing a dark red t-shirt, dark levy's, and red converse. Basic clothing on him and he still manages to look incredibly hot without even trying. How did it take me this long to see how good looking he is? I mean, I always knew he was cute and recently started seeing him as a hot guy, but I just thought it was the fact that we hung out so much and my little teenage crush still came back every once in a while confusing me about my feelings for my best friend. I really did not know how I felt about him until these last few weeks. I knew I was attracted to him, but I just didn't want to see how attracted I was because he was my best friend and you're not supposed to think of your best friend in that way. Up until these last few weeks where so much has happened, I even thought, hoped, this attraction would eventually go away because that's what crushes do. They go away. Now I'm sure whatever I feel for him won't ever go away. I wonder if he feels the same way about me.

"Jazmine" I hear that monotone voice say. I blink and see him staring at me. Now my face is hot. I look down, turn back to my sandwich on the table and answer, "No bestie, none."

"What did I say about calling me" he says, but I cut him off with, "Calling you my bestie in public. Yes, to not do it, but we also agreed that if a guy asked me out even after I told him I have a boyfriend, he would be labeled as an," I stop, exhale, and roll my eyes, still looking at my sandwich, and continue, "idiot, and I would tell you about it. But you keep asking me and you're not letting me come to you first."

I feel him move just a bit, I think sitting it up, so I look back at him and see that he's still looking at me, but now he's pursing his lips the way he use to when we were kids. He does that when he's thinking about something that's uncomfortable, not terrible, or something that makes him angry, just something that makes him uncomfortable. I want to laugh at how cute he still looks when he does that, and I also want to smile at how lucky I am to have known him this long. I see him exhale through his nose and he says, "I'll stop asking." He turns and takes a bite out of his sandwich.

I exhale. He's trying. He's trying to trust me more, each day just a little more, and he's also trying to not be as overprotective. I let him put the cameras up outside of the nursing home, but he agreed to only check the recordings if something weird happens. Also, they would only record on days I'm supposed to be there. I inhale. He really is trying. And really, I like that he's being this expressive about his feelings, about how much he cares and about how he wants us to work. With Huey, it's all about actions and his actions show how he feels. Asking about guys asking me out shows how much he cares and agreeing to not ask anymore shows how much he wants to trust me. He wants to trust me. He wants us to work. I guess I can give a little to. I bring my hand down under the table, squeeze his leg and see him turn to me as he's chewing, which makes him look like the adorable ten-year-old I met so long ago. I smile at him and say, "You can keep asking."

I turn back to the table, grab my sandwich with both hands, and take a bite. I see my sister sit down in front of me across our lunch table. I smile without opening my mouth because mom is teaching us both to be ladies. She looks at me and smirks that one smirk reserved for only our mom and me. Then she looks to my right and scrunches her nose, which confuses me, and says, "Big bro stop looking at ma sis like she food cuz we in public."

I look to my right and see Huey turn back, facing forward, but don't miss the tint on those chocolate cheeks. Staring at me like I'm food? How?

"Sis" I hear my little sister say and turn back to her. She continues, "So I was thinking we could have a barbecue at our pad so we can chill with the team and Ming." I want to smile through my chewing. She's opening up to people other than mom, Riley and myself. She's trying to get closer to the team. That's all I ever wanted for my little sister. I nod enthusiastically and continue chewing.

"No one else" I hear Huey say. I see my sister scrunch her nose at him again and she says, "I know bro. Riles tol' me the same damn thing cuz he thinks everyone here's a big ass hater." I snicker, swallow, and say, "You three have to give these people more credit, I mean they're not all that bad."

I feel my boyfriend's warm hand on my thigh, through my jeans, but before I can look at him I hear that screeching voice say, "Hi Huey!" My poor bestie. I felt the shiver.

I hear my sister say, "Sis, they all bad and this hoe just proves it."

"Excuse me!" I hear her scream, and I'm sure so does the entire cafeteria. I look up at her and as I'm about to respond, trying to calm the situation, I hear my wonderful sister say, "Don't be acting like you ain't a hoe now. We caught your ass being a hoe in the bathroom at the party. Being all nasty like that. Not even using one of the rooms."

I feel bad for Ashley. I do. I know she does it because she thinks it's the way we girls have to be so we can get attention from guys. I also think she does it because her mom shows her it's okay to sleep around. What she doesn't understand are the consequences. The STD's, possibly getting pregnant and the stigma that comes from sleeping around with people in high school. I exhale. I want to help her, but she's just so mean. I feel his hand squeeze my leg and turn to look at him. I see those red eyes staring at me. I didn't get to see the soft maroon long enough again this morning. This will be the first summer that I get to look at them each morning without it being weird because we're just friends. I can look at them all morning because he's my boyfriend and it's okay to do that to a boyfriend I think. I see them flicker to that darker red, not burgundy yet. Burgundy comes after five. Seeing that darker red makes me feel that warmth in my belly. That darker red also reminds me that he likes that I respect myself. I learned to respect myself from my mom. So much I have to thank my mom for one day.

"You's a hoe and it's okay. Just accept it and you go be a hoe at 'nother table" I hear my sister say. I turn back to Ashley and see her face is red now, angry. She's seething, biting her lower lip. I see her exhale and then look back from my sister to Huey, smile, and she says, "But she won't even know how to handle you Huey. I mean you need a girl that can handle someone like you."

I don't know how much time passed. I just remember knowing my mouth was open when I heard my sister laughing and then saying, "I gots to text Riles. I mean he thinks hoes always want money or food befor' getting down and dirty but damn. He just lost 'nother bet." I see her pull out her cell from her pocket and start texting.

I look back at Ashley and really just don't know what to say. I start, "Ashley, you don't have to be like that to get attention" but she cuts me off with an icy glare and says, "Everyone in school knows you still got your v card and that's why they all want you."

My mind goes blank because really I don't know what to say to that either. I'm happy to still be a virgin. I'm not ready for sex and really it's none of her business. She looks back at Huey and she says, "Remember Huey, whenever you" but I feel that squeeze on my leg and at the same time hear him say, "I have a girlfriend. Don't bother me again." I feel the smile on my face as I look at her.

I see her swallow, look away, and she says, "You'll get tired of waiting for her and I'll be around." She walks away and part of me wants to tell her to not come back but another part of me wants to make her understand she doesn't have to have sex with guy after guy to get attention. She's a pretty girl and I'm sure there are guys that like her at this school and she doesn't have to sleep with them. But, then I feel my insecurities kicking in. What if she's right? A lot of guys do just want to have sex with a girl and that's it. What if Huey gets tired of waiting for me? I said maybe for my next birthday, but what if I'm not ready even then? What if….

Then I hear that deep monotone voice say, "Stop thinking about whatever it is you're thinking because it's probably not true."

I remember that's what he said at the hospital when I was thinking about the embarrassing things I say around him. Back then he said those things brought him some peace. I look back at him and see him taking a bite out of his sandwich, still holding onto my leg with this left hand. Then I remember, we're talking about Huey Freeman here. He suffers from having a 'warm brain' and also from being terribly honest. I smile, lean over, kiss him on his cheek, and turn back to continue eating my sandwich. He let me kiss him on his cheek in public. Life is awesome.

* * *

"Mama can we have a barbecue tomorrow to celebrate the end of us going to 'em torture buildings?" I hear my sister say. I look over at my mom who's looking at some papers from work. She stops massaging my sister's ankle, looks up at her, smiles, and says, "Of course baby. We'll need to go shopping for hamburger meat and buns in the morning." I look down at my sister, see her purse her lips as I keep combing her hair with my fingers and hear her say, "Well, we gonna need lots of meat cuz all the girls eat like I do and then Riles eat a lot to, but McHater and Jazzy eat plant food so," but my mom cuts her off asking, "Wait, which girls?" I see my sister look down at our mom who's sitting at the other end of the couch under my sister's legs and she says, "Them girls in ma team. Can they show ma?" I look at my mom and see her smile get even bigger and says, "Of course baby. Any of your friends can come." I'm sure mom's having that same thought I had earlier today about my sister having more friends now. I look down and see my sister smile up at me. I hear mom say, "Maybe I can invite Ms. Lola to have some more adults to talk to." I look over to see her looking at her papers again. Tomorrow is going to be fun.

* * *

"You girls don't know 'bout Young Reezy. I knows how to ball. You'll just watch when I get there" I hear Riley say. "Maybe then the guys basketball team with be able to keep with us" I hear Lauren say and then they all laugh. "Just don't be talking shit like back in the day. We heard what you did to our girl Cindy back then" Miranda says. I look at Riley, see him purse his lips and look away, like he feels guilty. "What you mean talking shit?" I hear Ming say. "Hey none of that. Riles is ma ride or die so that shit in the past. Today we just make sure them haters at school know we own our shit, and no one be messing with us" I hear my sister say. I look over at Riley and see him smirking at my sister. I look back at Miranda and see her looking away. I wonder why. I'll ask my sister later.

I look around and see it is really pretty today. Reminds me of that day last week Huey and I had that picnic out here. I start looking around for him. Where is he?

I get up from the lounge chair and walk over to the grill where mom, Ms. Lola, and Grandad are talking. "Mama do you know where Huey is?" I ask. She looks up from her drink and I see her smile at me that knowing smile. "Mama?" I say, getting nervous. She responds, "He said he wanted to go through some of the books on torts and contracts, so I think he's in my office." I hear Ms. Lola say, "Those two are such nice boys. Huey I've gotten to know, and Riley will just add to my day next year. I would've love to have had grandsons like those two." I see Grandad, who's been staring at Ms. Lola since the moment she walked in, put down his orange juice, lower his eyebrows and say, "Well, take them two knuckleheads. They're more trouble than I can handle drinking all my orange juice and messing with my TV with them preparing for a damn disaster that ain't never come." My mom and Ms. Lola laugh, and I take it as my cue to leave them continue talking.

I walk into our house, go up the stairs and make the left to mom's bedroom where her office is now. I walk in and see him sitting on her chair, reading out of one of her books I'm guessing on contracts. "Bestie" I say so I don't startle him. He looks up and I can see the tiredness in his eyes. I walk up to him, take the book from his hands, fold the corner to mark it and put it down on my mom's desk. "Jazmine I was" but I cut him off by saying, "I know you went through the nursing home recordings yesterday and probably stayed up really late. How about you come down with me and just hang out? We got some of the veggie hamburgers and I'll grill a few patties while Grandad tells me how to grill them the 'Grandad way'" I look up at the wall behind him and laugh, thinking Grandad has a 'Grandad way' for everything.

I look back down and see his eyes look a lot more tired than I thought and ask, "Bestie what's wrong?" I see him look down and away from me, thinking. "Bestie?" I ask again. Still, nothing. Okay. He's not talking. Let's start with what he does trust. I say, "Okay, facts. You watched the nursing home recordings for this week last night and by the way you're acting you probably saw something you didn't like in them." I breathe and continue, "I think it's that guy." I see him shift but he doesn't say anything. I don't like this. "Hey" I say. He's still not looking at me. I don't like this at all. I kneel in front of him, see him look my way finally and I say, "If you make me I will use my adorableness on you bestie and I know that always works." He looks away, shifts in the chair again but this time I see that smirk he can't hide, at least not from me. Good. I say, "Okay, now tell me what's wrong."

He looks at me and I can see he's thinking. After seven seconds he opens his mouth, and says, "He's the grandson of one of the residents. Construction contractor that deals with large corporations."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Okay? So, why is what he does important?" He looks away again, but this time I can see the tint on those cheeks. "Bestie?" I say. After five seconds of not looking back at me I get tired of this, stand up, take a step to my right to be right in front of his face, kneel again, scrunch my forehead and make my eyes as big as I can. I see his smirk get bigger this time into a smirk other people can probably see. I get up and start dancing saying, "I made you smile Huey, so I win." I keep dancing in circles until I start feeling dizzy but only stop when I feel two warm hands on my hips. I look down, a little dizzy, but I see him smirking. He opens his mouth and says, "You're going to make yourself sick." I smile and say, "It's all worth it to see you smile." He looks away and says, "I don't smile Jazmine. I hardly do what society deems as a smirk." I cross my arms over my chest and say, "Sure Mr. Freeman, you don't smile, unless it's with me and no one else is around because you love.." but I stop myself. He looks back at me and I look away. I swallow and say, "Bestie, please trust me and tell me what's going on in your head." I feel his hands leave my hips and I look to see he's looking away now. After five seconds he opens his mouth and says, "He's well-off."

I open my mouth to ask but I don't know what I want to say, so I say what's on my mind and say, "Why is that important?" He looks back at me, focused again and I see that look, the one he had when he told me I had been acting weird after that text he sent. "You don't care?" he says. I look at him like he grew two heads because he might have and I say, "Why would I?" I see his eyes flicker from dark red to burgundy. It's getting late so I say, "Come on bestie. I know you haven't eaten since you got here. We need to feed you." I grab his hand, pull it and see him stand up. Good.

We walk back down to the backyard and I grill two of the veggie patties for him while he reads out of his SAT prep book. After he eats we all hang out with my sister's teammates, listening to music.

"So, you the Ming that broke McHater's weak ass hands" Riley says, between snickers. "Fractured and it was my wrists" I hear Huey say next to me into his book. "Yeah, after that whole thing my parents left China, came to the states, and we lived in a bunch of places. We lived in Ohio the last two years before we moved up here. I left the kickball life and focused on basketball cuz that's where it is and really I only did the kickball thing because of my family" Ming says. I hear my sister say, "Damn so you for real. We'll, can't wait for next year when we punk all them other teams." I see Ming smirk at my sister and know they'll be good friends. Then I hear Lauren say, "So, I don't know if anyone here cares, but has anyone noticed that Derek wasn't at school this week? I mean I'm actually happy he hasn't been around, but anyone know what happened to him?" I look at Huey and see him looking at Riley, which confuses me. Lauren continues, "I mean I saw him at the party, and he was pretty wasted. We're lucky we were doing the buddy thing because I heard about some bad things going on there, but anyways, that was the last I saw of him. He didn't come back for the last week of school." I look at Huey and see he's looking down at his SAT book again. His shoulders look relaxed. I think I'll ask my bestie about that later.

After the barbecue, Riley and Huey helped us with taking the trash out and putting everything we used for the barbecue back into the garage. Cindy and I decided to help mom in the kitchen. "Did my two loves enjoy themselves today?" I hear mom say from the fridge. "Yeah it was nice mama. We should invite the team over again to have another barbecue" I say. I look at my sister and see she's washing the same dish she was washing five minutes ago. "Sis?" I say. She looks up at me and looks teary eyed. "Are you okay?" I ask. I walk up to her, see her shake her head, and she says, "I 'on't know sis."

"Ms. S we done" I hear Riley say from the door. "Thank you boys. We're almost done here to" my mom answers. I look over at Huey and he looks at me then at my sister who's facing the sink, and then back at me. I don't know what he saw, but the next thing he does is open his mouth and he says, "It's late. We'll be leaving. Goodnight." He turns around and starts walking to the door. "But McHater I still wanna talk with C" but he's cut off by Huey saying, "Let's go Riley. They need to rest." Riley looks at my sister, swallows, nods, and says, "A'ight. Goodnight Ms. S."

That night my sister told me Miranda asked her out on a date. "What do I do sis?" she says. I look around her room, full of mostly strong female rappers. I look back at my little sister, see her big blue eyes looking at me for answers, possibly because I'm a few months older than her and I've been in a relationship for a week longer than she has.

I think back at the guys that would try to talk to me in middle school and now. I think about how I knew I didn't like them, but I considered going on a date, even in secret, making sure only my mom knew, because I had this crush on my best friend and didn't think it was okay for me to feel like that. I thought maybe going on a date with someone else would help me stop feeling like that about my best friend, but I knew that wouldn't be fair on the guys asking me out. That and really my mind wasn't on dating anyone for as long as Tom was around. I feel like I was kind of in this stump for as long as he was around. I exhale. Luckily, for my sister, she can date anyone she wants, and we'll always support her.

I look at her ocean blue eyes and ask, "Do you like her?" She blinks, looks away, and says, "She cool and a nice girl." I exhale, knowing she would say that about all of her teammates. Then I ask, "Is there someone else you like more than that?" She looks up and looks at her wall, that wall. I don't smile. I know she doesn't need me making fun of her right now. She looks back at me and says, "It 'on't even matter." I say, "Would you have said my feelings didn't matter if I told you some person asked me out before Huey?" I see her forehead scrunch then she sits up, crossed legged on her bed, crosses her arms, and says, "Nah, nah, see that different right there. You two made for each other and all that romantic shit. Riles and I ain't even like that." I see her eyes get big and she says, "I ain't even mean that sis. It ain't like that." I hug her so she doesn't see me smile and say into her hair, "Cin, Cindy, My Cindy, I know you would've told me that I deserve not only the best, but more importantly, that I deserve what I want. And that's all I want for you. You are my everything." I feel her relax and hug me back, so I continue, "I say just hang out and be friends with her and anyone else you meet. Go out with someone you like because you like them, not because you want to stop liking someone else." I feel her shift this time. I continue, "In the meantime, have fun with me and your ride or die and mom and don't go on any date unless you like that person." I pull away. She looks up and looks back at that picture in the middle of that wall, the wall that's dedicated to one person, smirks that 'beans' smile, and says, "You right sis. I mean if I'm on dates who gonna remind him that he sucks at GTA."

I hear a vibration coming from my sister's nightstand and I see her roll her eyes. "Let me reply cuz he gonna keep me up." I ask, "Does he know about Miranda?" She purses her lips and says, "I think so. I mean he knew some'ing was up with her and wanted to talk but I kept telling his ass everything was cool. I 'on't know if I'ma tell him though." I look at her and say, "Remember mom said we can be honest with them today and if he thinks it's weird than he isn't your best friend." I see her look back at her wall and says, "You right sis."

I don't know if she decided to tell Riley, but I know she was on the phone later that night from the sweet laugh I heard coming from her room.

* * *

I woke up to my phone vibrating. I looked at the time. Six am. It's the first Sunday after school ended. Why would anyone be up this early? I looked at the text, blinked, opened my eyes a bit more, read it again, threw the covers off myself and went to change and brush my teeth.

As I walked down the street I could feel my anxiety rising. Why so early? Is something wrong? Once I got close enough I saw his legs sticking out and knew he was leaning on the oak tree. I finally got to the top of the hill and saw he was sitting on a sweater, wearing only a t-shirt and sweatpants. "Bestie?" I said. He looked up at me and I could see the soft maroon eyes, looking tired still.

He looked down, not saying anything, then faced forward again. I could see his shoulders were tense. I walked up and stood in front of him, blocking the rays from the sunrise. He just looked right through me, looking at something that wasn't there I think. I kneeled between his legs and whispered, "Bestie? Are you okay?" I saw him focus on me, but he still didn't say anything. I reached up and grabbed his arm and felt how cold it was. "How long have you been out here?" I asked. His arms are too cold.

I put my hands on his arms and started rubbing them to get them warm again. After a few minutes I felt them a bit warmer and I looked up and saw he was still looking at me, but I could also see the wheels turning in that warm brain, thinking. I remembered I still had my jacket on and my sweater under it. I got up, took off my jacket, put it around his shoulders, sat between his legs facing the sunrise and continued rubbing his arms trying to bring some more warmth to them. After a few minutes, I felt his arms move and encircle me. I felt him rest his chin on my shoulder, like we did months ago, right here, before we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I shivered at how warm his body was compared to his arms. I kept rubbing his arms that were now around my shoulders. Another ten minutes passed I think. I stopped counting after he hugged me. But after those ten minutes or so I felt his warm breath on my ear and heard him say, "Aunt Cookie called this morning and said she wants us to go visit her." I stayed quiet, knowing he needed me to listen. He continued, "I want to go see if she's taking her medication and some friends there, but I don't want to see anything else."

We stayed like that for a few more minutes before I asked, "When?" I felt him shift and he said, "In two weeks." I nodded. "You'll have to call me every night" I said. Even if you don't say a single word Huey because that's how you are. Even if it's just your cell calling me and you on the other line while you read, and I just hear you flipping pages. I don't care. I just want you to call me every night. I don't know if he could hear my thoughts. What I do know is that he responded by hugging me tighter and then saying, "You could" but he stopped whatever he was going to say.

I looked at the sunrise knowing we haven't ever done this. We've never sat here this early and watched the sun come up. For some weird reason I also remember a moment earlier this year when I was getting on the bus with my bestie right behind me like he is now. I remember seeing Uncle Ruckus holding the steering wheel of the bus and his attempt at apologizing for calling me that name. I remember that tiny spirit that I didn't want to break and had to meet him half way on that apology. I don't know much about Uncle Ruckus, but from what Huey told me he didn't have a good childhood. I remember my bestie didn't have the greatest childhood either. Uncle Ruckus and Huey are two people I would never compare because they're so different, but they do share some similarities, like how they both try to not rely on anyone. Uncle Ruckus by having like twenty jobs at a time and Huey by just never needing or asking for help, from Grandad, Riley or anyone. And also, something I don't think my bestie will ever fess up to is, like Uncle Ruckus, how small his spirit is because of his childhood and how it shaped how he views the world. Maybe if Uncle Ruckus would've had someone that helped him through whatever stuff he went through, wholeheartedly and not just because they were family, maybe he wouldn't have turned out so resentful and hateful. Maybe he would've felt the world was better than he thinks it is now. My bestie has me though.

I see the sunrise coming over downtown Woodcrest and know it won't be same without him here for however many weeks he's in Chicago. It never was whenever he would leave. Sitting here, on his sweater, I also realize he texted me and told me he was here. He wanted me to come be with him. And right now, he's asking for help but doesn't know how to ask for it. I breathe, knowing he took the first step in telling me he was here, knowing I would come. He needs me to meet him half way.

"I could also go with you" I say. I feel him shift, feel his forehead on my shoulder blade and feel his warm breath on my back, through my light sweater, as he says, "Yes." I smile.

* * *

After Huey dropped me off, I walked into my house, went right back to bed, and fell asleep. I woke up to someone shuffling into my bed and heard her say, "Sis, wake up." I mumbled something about annoying little sisters that mean everything to me. Then I heard her say, "Riles tol' me 'bout Chi-Town." I felt my eyes shoot open and looked at my sister who was under my covers. I said, "Chicago? Oh, it wasn't a dream." I yawned and then heard her say, "We gots to go shopping to get ready." I looked at her this time, smiled, and hugged her.

After getting up and having breakfast with mom, we went to the mall and bought a few sweaters, some more jeans, and a new rain coat for each one of us. During breakfast, my sister told us that Huey told Grandad I was going, and Riley said it wouldn't be fair if Cindy didn't go because then I wouldn't have anyone to hang out with. So cute.

* * *

"I trust cutie pie and baby girl. It's you two knuckleheads I don't trust. Those two are little angels but you two break everything in this house. I don't even know why Cookie wants to see two big headed loudmouths" he continues pacing back and forth in our living room. I shake my head and look at my brother who's playing on the Xbox and wonder if he enjoys that game where he loses to Jazmine's sister or just plays it to not hear Grandad. "I just don't want no hooligans from there talking to those two angels, so you better be watching them" he continues. I also wonder how Grandad manages to see no fault in either one of those two but finds every fault in us. "I mean you two smart enough to know where not to take them and where" he says. I feel my eyebrow rise and look at my brother who stopped playing his video game and is looking back at me.

I see my brother turn to Grandad and he says, "Grandad did you just say we actually smart?" I look at Grandad to see if he caught himself and hear him say, "Well you two are Freeman and we smart just stubborn like mules." I feel my eyes rolls, knowing that's the closest we'll ever get to a compliment from him.

I hear the doorbell ring, breathe a sigh of relief, get up and walk over to open the door.

* * *

"Now Robert, are you sure? I can always just pay for them to stay at a hotel" Sarah says. I hear Grandad say, "Now Sarah, these two angels aren't staying at no hotel. Cookie has a big house and she lives by herself. She bought that house a few years back thinking we would visit more but it's been hard for me to go these last few years and I know she'd just love to have it filled with cutie pie and baby girl's voices and not just my two knucklehead grandsons." I look at Riley and see him giving me that look, the one where, no matter how much we always fought, Grandad could always give us a common parental enemy. I hear her giggle and can't help but breathe knowing she'll be there this time.

"Robert, can I at least talk to your sister and just confirm it's okay? I mean I'd feel a lot better if I just asked her myself if it's okay for my daughters to stay there" I hear Sarah say. I look at all three of them, sitting at the other end of the table with Sarah in the middle, and see they're more of a family now than they were last year. I also can't help but notice I didn't kiss her today on the hill.

"Well, if you insist Sarah. How 'bout we call Cookie tomorrow morning? She's more of a morning person and she's probably asleep by now" Grandad says. "That sounds great. I'm supposed to be in late tomorrow either way so I'll be here around eight so we can call her" she says.

We walked them back to their house and I waited until Riley and Grandad left and Sarah and Cindy were in their house. I felt anxious not knowing if she would be fine with this. She walked up to me as I stood there on their porch. I could see the forest green turn into that darker shade it does when we're alone. She doesn't know her eyes do that, and I don't think I'll ever tell her because I don't want her to somehow stop doing it.

"Bestie are you okay?" she asks. "You didn't really talk tonight, and I just want to make sure you really want me to go because if you aren't sure I can just call you every night" but I cut her off with, "Jazmine." She stops talking and I look at those lips that as of nine days ago belong to me. I understand how the world works. She, those lips, do not actually belong to me. People do not belong to each other. When people say that they're just fooling themselves thinking a piece of paper or someone's word will keep them stuck to them even against that person's better judgement. People will leave. People will die. One day, us and everyone we know will die. But, as I look down at her lips, I also know they'll taste like something sweet even without that gloss. And, against my better judgement, I want to say those lips belong to me. I bend down and kiss her. I feel her hands on my neck and she pulls me in. I put my hands where they belong, on those hips, and then move away before I let myself taste her tongue. I see those small slow breaths of hers and again, against my better judgement, know that one day, a long time from today, I will be one of those fools that believes those lips, and everything connected to them belong to me. But first, we need to deal with Chicago.

I let go of those hips, pull way, say goodnight, and watch her walk in to her house. After I hear the lock I turn around and walk across the street to my garage for a much-needed training session.

* * *

Of course they would get along. It's Aunt Cookie and Sarah. "That's great. Yes, of course. I mean I'd love to go to, but I have work here myself, unless I could find a way to be connected to my office. Yes, yes, I'll look into that Aunt Cookie" Sarah says into the phone.

I hear the page turn and look to the other end of the sofa. She's half way done with that one. Maybe I'll bring the second one so she can read it while we're there. I can start on the third SAT prep book that I ordered that should be here by tomorrow. I know she also glances over my shoulder when I'm reading through the essays in my LSAT prep book. I ordered a second LSAT prep book since I finished the first one but it's on backorder and won't be here for another month.

"Yes, I'll see if it's possible and I'll let you know if I can also go. Of course. Thank you so much Aunt Cookie" I hear Sarah say and then hear the house phone connect back to the base. "Mama what did Aunt Cookie say?" I hear Jazmine ask. I look at Sarah and see her pursing her lips like she did towards the end of our conversation in her office and she says, "We'll she said she'd love to have all of us go and I really would like to go myself, but I can't possibly leave work on such short notice, unless I can continue working remotely." I bend the corner of the page I'm on, close my book, and ask, "What exactly do you need from your office to work remotely?" She looks at me, smiles that Jazmine way that makes me nervous, and says, "I just need to be connected to the system to read through documents as my assistant uploads them and I also need access to my e-mail that's directly connected to the system, all of which can only be accessed by connecting to the server in the office. I'm sure I can have my assistant complete most court required forms, upload them, and then I can review them before he mails them to the court house." She stops, looks away, and says, "I don't have to appear in court for several weeks and could even reschedule my next court date further out if necessary so that wouldn't be a problem." She looks down, and says, "I know our technical team can handle setting up remote desktops connected to the server but that's something I would have had to request for before the summer started since that department shuts down for the summer."

I don't necessary like people knowing what I'm capable of but this is Jazmine's mother who's already entrusted me with access to the security cameras at her office without fully understanding how I'm able to connect to them via an untraceable laptop, so I say, "Would your office find it suspicious if, without the help of your technical team, you were able to set up a remote desktop on your personal computer that's connected to the server?" I see Sarah look up, smile in that way again, and she says, "They've never asked how much of an expert I am with computers so really as long as I can tell them how I managed to set up the remote desktop, if they were to ask, and make them aware of how long I won't be physically in the office, I doubt they'll care."

Before I can tell her how long it should take me to set it up, I see Jazmine's sister tackle Sarah, making her fall onto the chair Grandad uses when he's talking on the corded phone and Cindy says, "So you coming to mama?"

I feel her soft hair on my arm and hear Jazmine say, "Thank you bestie." I look down at her, wondering when she scooted over here, and see her turn the page she's on. She's reading the LSAT book, not the SAT book. It's possible we'll both be going to law school.

* * *

For the next two weeks we had them practice on their defense moves. We should be with them for the most part during the trip but there are still too many negative possibilities. I will protect them as long as I'm around, but I also know I won't be with them at all times and she'll probably want to spend time with her sister and mother by themselves. Also, something I don't need to admit even to myself, but training her allows me to touch her just long enough to give me the reprieve from my thoughts about that place, but not long enough to let my mind wander into thoughts we're both not ready for.

"You gonna see them this time?" I hear from the other bed. Maybe when we come back I'll ask Grandad if I can have the guest room. I'll offer to pay rent for the peace and personal space I need. "I don't know" I reply. He's quiet after that. Good. I need sleep. We're waking up at three in the morning to have a shuttle pick us up at four so we can be at the airport by five. The flight leaves at seven and we should arrive at 8:37 am. It'll be 7:37 am local time. On the last trip, Aunt Cookie wanted us there early in the morning so we could spend the first day with her before she went to sleep at about eight. I'm sure she'll have some home repairs that have to be taken care of, some she might not even know about. I need to check the new water heater to make sure it's installed properly knowing she probably had one of the kids around the neighborhood install it. I also need to remember to replace her light bulbs with newer LED ones to save her on her electricity bill. I wonder how Caesar's doing. I haven't talked to him since the day after that day, my birthday, when he called to remind me about that day. When I got the call and heard him say it, I hung up, and he called five minutes later to see how I was doing. I exhale. So much do to. Jazmine will be there this time. I feel my shoulders sink into the bed with that last thought.

I reach over to grab my phone and see it's pass ten. Jazmine said she would be going to sleep early and didn't know if she would remember to text me goodnight. I don't necessarily need those texts, but I find myself checking my phone at least once a night before I go to sleep to make sure they're marked as 'read'.

"That not like you, not being all pissed off I asked" I hear my brother say. As much as of an idiot he can be, he's right. My normal reaction to him bringing up that subject is anger. I don't feel that right now. Why don't I feel anger? Most people would take that as a good thing, but I don't like changes in my moods or reactions unless I deem them necessary. I need to look into this but first I need sleep. I feel my hand vibrate and bring my phone to my face to see the text.

I mark the text as 'read' and place the phone back down on my nightstand. I don't lie to myself. I know she has something to do with my reaction to my brother's question. As I close my eyes I tell myself to add bringing my journal to the long list of things I need to remember to do in five hours.

* * *

We were finally all in the shuttle. I felt her move and looked to my right to see that bun on my shoulder.

"Riles I'ma kill you for waking me this damn" I hear someone mumble from further to my right. My eyes travel over the bun and I see those two holding hands. That was probably the only way she could get her younger sister on the shuttle from what Jazmine told me about her attitude before six am. I look further over and feel my eyebrow rise as I see those two braids coming out of a big sweater leaning on my brother's shoulder. What surprises me isn't Jazmine's sister using my brother as furniture but the fact that my brother is actually awake and didn't fall asleep as soon as he sat down in the shuttle. During the last trip he tried to sleep through most of it and would only wake up at night to play his Xbox or unless Aunt Cookie specifically needed him and of course to go to that funeral. He avoids situations, responsibilities, by sleeping through them, but he's not doing that this time. He's actually awake and looking out the window. He turns from the window, looks at me and says, "You gay nigga." I shake my head and look back down at Sarah's laptop making sure it's connecting to the wifi on the shuttle. I know she doesn't need it right now, but it's best it's working property here, at the airport, and during the flight.

"You should take the 70 all the way there since there won't be any traffic this early in the morning" I hear Sarah say from the passenger seat in the front. "Of course, beautiful. You care to stop to get some breakfast just you and I on the way there?" the driver says. I look up, knowing Sarah, much like Jazmine nowadays, doesn't need me to defend her, although I won't say it out loud or Jazmine might get dizzy from dancing in circles. "Now you better not be talking to my daughter like that" I hear Grandad say from my left, sitting on the other side of the van that looks more like a limousine than a shuttle. I look at Grandad, who's eyeing the driver and holding on to his belt, knowing I know Grandad didn't just say that. "This your daughter?" the driver stammers. "Damn right. She got my damn eyes. Now you get your mind out the gutter asking out a fare before I straightened you out with my belt" Grandad says. "Yes sir" the twenty something year old driver says, and then I hear Sarah laugh. I look back down at the laptop knowing I don't usually have to deal with my dumbass brother's attitude and Grandad's voice, both of which do give me headaches, this early in the morning.

I feel the shuttle start up and jerk forward. She moves again and I hear her mumble, "You wanna come over to my house tomorrow after school and watch TV?" I feel my smirk as I look down at the laptop and respond, "No." Then I hear her say, "Do you wanna come over and play video games?" I feel my eyebrow rise, wondering where she's going with this, but respond again, "No." I feel her shift and see that bun move down and say quieter, "Do you want to come over and half a jump rope contest?" I stop typing in the password for the wifi, bend down, and see she's still asleep. I sit up and hear those light inhales and exhales. She's dreaming about the first time I left for Chicago. Back then I didn't care about telling her I had a best friend that wasn't her or that I hoped I wouldn't be coming back. The second time I left I didn't get a chance to see her before we left because it was too short notice. I only texted her while we were there. Up until a few weeks ago she didn't know the reason I didn't bother calling was because her voice was in my head the entire time we were there anyways. I exhale. Maybe I should've called her. I look back down at the bun. I know she's asleep and can't hear me, but it's Jazmine and she deserves the truth so I say, quiet enough that only the two of us can hear, "No. But you can come with me to Chicago." I hear her mumble something that ends with 'warm brain' and shake my head, not being able to stop the smirk as I continue working on Sarah's computer.

* * *

"What's wrong bestie?" she says. Really Jazmine? Really? She really hasn't noticed the dumbasses that have not stopped looking at her and how close I've been to drop kicking several of them since we got off that damn plane?

"It's these damn fools be looking at ma sis like she prime meat" I hear her sister say, who's walking on the other side of her.

"Well they ain't only looking at Jazzy and I'm 'bout to pop a few caps if they 'on't stop looking" I hear my brother say, who I noticed has been getting closer to Cindy as we've been walking down the terminal.

"Riles stop that shit. You knows I 'on't even care about who be looking. I'm here to eat them good cooking I heard be only in Chi-Town" Cindy says.

"The food be bomb here, but there's nothing like Aunt Cookie's pork burgers. Shit that the only reason I came" I hear my brother say.

I look back at him and say, "You know Aunt Cookie cannot eat that right?" He looks at me and says, "I knows that shit. She don't gotta eat it. She just gotta make it for me."

I hear that giggle and remind myself that she's about to meet the only mother figure I have left.

I feel relief wash over me as I hear that voice say, "I missed my dumbass brother." I look out the doors of the airport and see Aunt Cookie on the sidewalk, hugging Grandad, still wearing her pink apron, I hope not from being up too early to cook breakfast for us.

As we get closer I see Aunt Cookie let go of Grandad and look over at Sarah who has her hand extended. I see Aunt Cookie's smile get bigger and say, "Oh none of that with me sweetheart." I see Sarah's face faulter and then Aunt Cookie puts her hands on her hips and says, "Now, I know you be taking care of my brother. He tells me you make sure he goes to his doctor's appointments, taking him yourself when his lazy ass is too tired to drive, and you also remind him to pay his bills on time, so you gonna give me a real hug like the daughter you be acting like." It doesn't surprise me. It just confirms Jazmine got it from Sarah. I see Aunt Cookie open her arms and hug Sarah.

After letting go of Sarah, Aunt Cookie looks over at us, and she says, "Now you two boys come down here and give your Aunt Cookie a hug because you both too tall now for me to be reaching up." I look over to my brother and nod. He walks up to Aunt Cookie and hugs her. I hear Aunt Cookie say, "My baby Riley, you best be showing me some of those new drawings while you're here." I hear him respond, "Yes Aunt Cookie." I forget Aunt Cookie is the only person he speaks to in somewhat proper English. He lets go and she turns to me. I walk up to her, bend down, hug her and smell that home cooking. I don't care for most of the dishes she makes but the smell of cooked meat doesn't bother me with her, possibly due to growing up in her house. I hear her say into my ear, "I missed you baby. Don't go without bringing your Grandad at least once a year to see me ever again." I nod and say, "Yes Aunt Cookie." Then I hear her say, "Now you introduce me to Jazmine even though I already know enough about her to fill a book." I pull away and wonder why it suddenly got hot in Chicago.

I stand up straight, realizing maybe the height I got from that family isn't the worst thing I could've inherited from them. I look over at Jazmine, who's looking down, nervous I think, and say "Aunt Cookie, this is Jazmine." I see her look up, see those morning jades sparkle as she smiles and says, "It's very nice to meet you Aunt Cookie." I also see her holding on to her 'Jazzy' backpack like it's a lifeline. Aunt Cookie says, "You come here child and give me a hug." Jazmine jumps like the squirrel she is, drops her luggage, and hugs Aunt Cookie. I hear Aunt Cookie laugh and remember it's one of the few things I miss from this place. After a few seconds I see Aunt Cookie pull away, hold Jazmine's shoulders, look at her, then look back at me and smile. I look away, feeling myself purse my lips in that way I don't like. I hear Aunt Cookie say, "And you must be the famous Cindy?" I close my eyes waiting for the inevitable mouth on that girl to insult Aunt Cookie and hear her say, "Yes ma'am I am. I'm Riles's ride or die." I inhale. It could've been worse. I feel her warm hand pull down on my fingers and hear her whisper, "Bestie she's just being Cindy." I look back and see Cindy, having possibly been pulled or pushed in, being hugged by Aunt Cookie. I hear Aunt Cookie laugh again as she pulls away and says, "Well, only a tough one could handle my baby Riley." I feel my eyebrow rise and then hear that giggle.

I look up and see Grandad and Sarah walking to the van Aunt Cookie must've rented knowing we were bringing three more people this time. I feel her warm hand pull on my fingers again, and I follow. I wonder when I stopped trying to figure out why her hand has that power over me.

* * *

Hi everyone. This is the end of this chapter only because it's the best place to end. Like I said before, I do not like ending on cliffhangers and I hope this isn't one since nothing exciting's really happened. If I go on it's going to be another fifteen pages. I'm already starting the next chapter and hope to have it up soon.

Please review if you can. Thank you all for reading.

-Bulma's Ego


	18. Aunt Cookie's, boys and trust

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

IMPORTANT ABOUT THIS CHAPTER: This chapter is directly connected to the following one, as in, if I didn't post the next Chapter, I would have been a liar when I said I don't do cliffhangers. Therefore, you all will have Chapter 19 right away, because I just don't do well with cliffhangers. They make me cry. So again, the following is Chapter 18 and you will have Chapter 19 right away.

REVIEWS:

SammiSweetheart: Thank you! I love that you said all that. I feel the story is kind of slow at times, but I just don't want to run through places I think mean a lot to the story. So, it'll continue at this pace I think. I hope you keep enjoying it and keep letting me know how you feel about it.

SG3MagicInk: Homie you know I had to add Aunt Cookie up in there. She's like the best person in the show (to me). And yes, that part when Cindy denied her feelings was just pure cuteness. So yes, I do want some Ciley to show up to and I will try to see what I can do about that. But you know, those two gangsters are a little private with their love for each other, so we'll see. But, I did go back and watch the Fundraiser 'bout two weeks ago and could not stop laughing at everything and anything our girl C-Murph said. Oh, and I did see your chapter (SONIC FANFIC). Glad you're writing.

ThickBlackGirl: TBG you are the best! What you commented actually had me write a whole timeline (with birthdays, deaths, events, moves, etc.) so thank you because it actually helped me with referencing when they're going back to Chicago. At this point in the story Jazmine, Cindy and Huey are all 15 years old and Riley is 14. Huey turned 15 in November last year, Riley turned 14 in January this year, Jazmine turned 15 in February this year and Cindy turned 15 in May this year. In the show I think it's said Riley is 2 years younger than Huey, but birthday months aren't stated. In this story I made Riley only 1 year and 2 months younger than Huey. I think it's close enough and I like the idea of Riley being a little older. Is Cindy bi? I honestly can't answer that. I feel like she's 15 and trying to figure what she likes and doesn't like, what she's attracted to and isn't attracted to. I also think a girl like Cindy would not want to be labeled so I'm kind of leaving it out in the open with no label. And yep, the Chicago adventures do start right now. Thank you so much for seeing me through this story.

CHAPTER 18:

It's so much prettier than I imagined it would be. I thought it would be more city-like than Woodcrest, which it kind of is but there's still lots of parks and restaurants and shopping. Then, there's the neighborhoods. I saw a few Victorian style houses with the big front yards and kids playing on the side walk. A lot of houses are smaller though, sitting side by side, where I'm sure neighbors have to really get to know each other. As we keep driving, I also start seeing the apartments with the gates so only the residents can go in and out. It all reminds me a little of Louisiana even though I haven't been there in forever. Then, we pass the apartments into denser looking blocks. I see all the kids on the sidewalk, making me wish I grew up with more kids, at least more kids that I looked like. I know I'm lucky to have grown up in such a nice area with little crime, other than the very obvious Wuncler activities, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could've grown up in such a warm place full of people and color and life and flavor.

"Don't be jealous Jazzy. We all know this is where life be popping" I hear Riley say from behind me in the van. I smile looking out at the little kids and say, "Yeah, this is really nice Riley." As I smile I let my eyes wander over to the person sitting next to the window. He's sitting next to my mom, looking at me. The boys were being boys and refused to let us girls sit by the windows saying we didn't know what we were dealing with here in Chicago. I wanted to remind my bestie he said he wouldn't be as overprotective, but I kind of got this feeling he was trying to focus on me, on anything else but being here. I think he was trying to focus on something he could control, like keeping me away from the windows. Riley and my sister almost got into it about sitting next to the window, so I grabbed her and told the boys to get into the van before it got worse. And now here we are, with my bestie looking at me and my face feeling flushed. I look to the front of the car where Aunt Cookie and Grandad are talking, trying not to think of when he started looking at me so much.

* * *

Breakfast has been nice. I cannot believe Aunt Cookie made this much food. I hear Huey remind her to watch her cholesterol with the amount of eggs she's eating. She leans over, hugs him, and says how much she missed him. "You know he got his drive for bettering the black community from me and my baby over there got his talent with colors from me to" she says. I see Riley drop his fork, cross his arms over his chest and he says, "I did some work there to Aunt Cookie. Shoot I do take an art class once a week." We all look at Riley, I'm sure surprised he's still taking art classes and none of us knew. I see him look down with the red tint on his cheeks and then I hear my sister, who's saved him more times than I can count, say, "Don't be talking back to your auntie Riles. You knows talent don't come out of thin air. Starts somewhere and I saw them paintings in the house and I knows you didn't do all of 'em." I see Riley look over at her, but the tint is still showing on those cheeks. My sister continues, "And 'on't be acting all embarrassed, like nun of us knew you still see that big-headed Bob Ross looking weird mother," but hear mom cut her off saying, "Honey." I see my sister look down, getting red herself, and she says, "Sorry mama, I means big-headed Bob Ross looking weird mofo."

The room gets so quiet I swear I just heard a pin drop. I look at my little sister and Riley who are the only two people I know to be as similar as they are and still are able to find a way to not annoy each other, both beet red, looking down. I can't help it and I start laughing. I just can't. I close my eyes and just let it go. They're too cute and I love them so much when they do this kind of thing. I hear my mom and Grandad laughing and what I assume is Aunt Cookie's warm and hearty laugh followed by my sister's sweet laugh and Riley's snickers. Then, I feel that warm hand on my thigh, directly under the table. I stop laughing, and look to my left, feeling my cheeks getting warm, knowing we're in his aunt's house and I knew we probably wouldn't be touching very much out of respect for her, even if it's under the table where no one could possibly see it, but still, he's touching me, in his aunt's house. Then I remember, we're in his aunt's house with his family and my family and he invited us here. So, I put my hand over his and smile at him, knowing he won't smile back but see those soft maroon eyes shine just a little. I get to see those maroon eyes for hours each morning.

As I hear the laugher dying down, I smile looking down at my plate, pick up my fork with the sliced apple and put it in my mouth. Then I hear, "So Jazzy love," in Aunt Cookie's warm voice. I look up and smile while I chew, happy that she's calling me by my nickname. I see her smiling and she says, "How's the nursing home going? I know if you're interested in the nursing field that's a good avenue you're taking there." I feel my eyes open a bit, hear a groan next to me, and see my bestie slouch just a bit. I swallow and say, "I'm sorry Aunt Cookie but how did you know I work there and I'm interested in becoming a nurse?" I see her smile even bigger this time and from the corner of my eye see Huey slouch further down into his seat. Then I hear Aunt Cookie say, "Oh sweetheart between the visits and the phone calls I get from these two boys I know quite a bit." I swallow and feel my face getting warm again. I hear Aunt Cookie laugh and then she says, "Just like I know that other baby girl is doing really well on her basketball team and was part of changing the name from the girls to the women's team." I look over at my sister who's looking at me, possibly mirroring each other's redness. I look to her right and see Riley slouching down just as low as Huey is right now. Then I hear Grandad laugh and say, "My knucklehead grandsons not smart enough to not get caught." The adults all laugh at our expense and I feel relief knowing Huey doesn't get as mad at being laughed at anymore.

After breakfast, we help clean up with Riley and Cindy washing and drying the dishes, mom and I putting all the extra food into Tupperware, Grandad and Aunt Cookie sitting and drinking coffee, and Huey trying to figure out how to pack more food into the fridge.

"Aunt Cookie why is there so much pork in the fridge?" I hear that monotone voice say. "Oh, baby that's for the barbecue we're having this Saturday" she says. "Excuse me?" he replies, and I can't help but smile at how much even Huey's watching his language with Aunt Cookie. "You heard me baby. We're having a barbecue so all your friends and cousins can come see you and your brother." I look over at Huey, who's holding the fridge open, and see him looking at Riley now, who's looking back at him. I see the exchange but can't figure out what's being said between them. Then, I hear my sister say, "Riles, dry, now," as she pushes a plate into his stomach and see him look down and grab it. I look back at Huey and see he's looking in the fridge again.

After cleaning up we all ended up in the backyard with Aunt Cookie showing us pictures of Huey and Riley when they were little. "Oh my god! They looked like twins" I say. Because they did. "We did not" I hear Huey say across from me. I can't help giggling as I see him pop his head over his book, trying, trying to give me that Freeman stare. I just laugh harder. "Don't be saying sh" I hear Riley say, stop, look up at Aunt Cookie, look back at me and he continues, "stuff, don't be saying stuff like that Jazzy. Get you killed here. Everyone knows I always been betta looking than McHater and his nerdy ass afro." I hear my sister say, "You knows the only difference between you two is the hair and the government track record." I see Huey slump down into his chair even more, probably thinking about how he had to go through extra security at the airport because of his record. My bestie ex-domestic terrorist.

I look back at the photo album on Aunt Cookie's lap and see a picture with a possibly one or two-year-old Huey being held by a lady with bouncy dark red hair, perfect caramel skin, big light brown almost yellow eyes, and the biggest smile I've ever seen on anyone, standing next to a man that's holding a baby that must be Riley. I look closer at the man and know that just has to be, has to be, Huey and Riley's dad. I see it now. When Riley spray painting their wedding picture on their house I thought, like everyone else, that it was Grandad and their grandma's wedding picture, but something told me I was wrong. Seeing them in this picture, yellow at the edges and a little worn probably from people holding it, I can see it was them. Their parents. Their parents with rosy cheeks, holding their babies. And I see something else, something that makes me happy just because it does. Their dad. Those eyes, that skin, that nose, that chin. All Freeman.

I look up at Huey and see him looking at his book. I smile and can't help saying, "Your mom was beautiful, but you look just like your dad." I see those maroon eyes look up at me, focus, and see a look I don't understand. It's not a mood I know, it's something different. I hear my sister say, "Damn sis, you right. Riles! You drawing a picture of them so we can put in you'll living room!" I look over at Riley, see him spit his lemonade, and say, "Wa?" I look over at my sister and hear her say, "You heard me. I knows you got that photographic kind a memory and I want you to draw this picture of them cuz I knows you been thinking about drawing them and you betta get your ass on it." I see Riley look away and say, "Cindy, I 'on't know about" but before he can continue and anyone can say anything else I hear my sister say quieter, "Riley, you ma ride or die and I know you be wanning to draw them for a while now and you keep waiting for the right time. It's this picture a'ight. This picture makes it the right time. So, you come here and look at it and start on it befor' we leave." I look back at Huey to see how he's doing and see him giving me that same unreadable look, then I hear Riley say, "A'ight Cin."

It seemed like Aunt Cookie had a never-ending supply of embarrassing moments to tell us about Huey and Riley. As well, as a never-ending supply of stuff on my sister and me, like my love for horses and everything pink when I was little and my sister's broken ankle from skateboarding from a rooftop into a swimming pool during her Lethal Interjection initiation. My sweet sister still wanted to be part of the Lethal Interjection Crew even though by then the only members were Thugnificent and Riley. I love my sister. And, I really like Aunt Cookie. It felt like the more Aunt Cookie kept talking, the harder it was to figure out if it was Huey or Riley groaning.

The rest of the day was spent listening to jazz on Aunt Cookie's record player in the living room, Grandad going over the best jazz musicians of his time, me asking mom and Huey questions about these darn essays in the LSAT prep book Huey brought that make no sense to me and playing board games with my sister, my bestie, and Riley, where my sister somehow always came out on top of Riley. As much as I love my sister and know she's good at strategy I'm starting to think Riley does let her win sometimes.

"So pretty" I hear myself say as I look at a stained-glass panel hanging on the bay window, with the evening sun shining through it just right that you can see all the colors coming through even behind the curtain. I hear footsteps and then see Aunt Cookie at the window. She grabs the curtain and moves it across the rod, revealing a circular panel hanging on the window, with the trinity in clear glass, framed by purple edges, within circles of different shades of green, ending in a soft orange and finally a black edge. I feel my bestie shift next to me but can't bring myself to look at him. It's so pretty. I hear Aunt Cookie say, "Oh sweetheart, it is beautiful. My late husband made it and the moment I bought this house I just knew it needed to hang here in the living room. And I'm glad I did, seeing as my baby Huey loves it so much." I stop and look back at my bestie who has his face in the local newspaper, I'm sure trying to catch up on local news rather than national politics. Did Aunt Cookie just say he likes that stained-glass panel? He's not religious and I've never seen him take an interest in art the way Riley does. "Bestie?" I say. "I think I'll start dinner" I hear him say, puts the newspaper down, and see those cheeks tinted as he gets up and walks to the kitchen. Okay. Add that to the list of things I need to ask him about.

After dinner, we helped cleaning up, and decided on the rooms. Aunt Cookie really does have a big house. Grandad, Huey, and Riley would be sleeping in one room, while mom, Cindy and myself would be taking the second guest room. Three big rooms and two restrooms. More than enough room for all of us. Aunt Cookie said the boys were only allowed into the guest restroom while we could use both at any time. I think she wanted us girls to always have a restroom available for us. I also think Aunt Cookie really likes having girls in the house. After brushing my teeth in the downstairs restroom, I walked out to the living room and saw Huey putting blankets down on the couch.

"Bestie what you are doing?" I ask. He looks up and says, "They both snore horribly. I'm not doing it." I smile and say, "Okay, but the couch looks really uncomfortable. Are you sure you'll be okay? I think I saw extra blankets in the closet next to the restroom right now," but he cuts me off with, "I'm fine." He looks to the right where the window is and I say, "Are you okay?" He looks back at me and says, "I'm use to sleeping on this couch. I'll be fine." I open my mouth to ask again but he cuts me off again saying, "It's late. You should go to sleep." Something's off but I don't know what it is. I exhale and say, "Okay. Goodnight." He nods and I walk pass him.

Later that night was problematic. I felt wired. Like my brain was just up and not tired, even though my body kept telling it it was. I hear myself exhale. I think this is the third time I wake up tonight. I look over and see my sister's long blonde hair over her body and hear her light inhales and exhales. No one, other than mom and me, really know how pretty her hair is when it's out of those braids. I can't help but smile at her. I look up at the other bed and see mom also looks okay, sleeping, tired I'm sure from being up at three in the morning while my sister and I slept on the shuttle and on the plane flight. Why can't I sleep? I know I'm tired. Am I antsy? Maybe some water or sleepy time tea will help. I get up, put my pink robe over my pajamas and walk to the door. "Baby where are you going?" I hear in my mom's sleepy voice. I look back and say, "I can't sleep mama. I'm going downstairs to make sleepy time tea. Do you want any?" I see her baby blue eyes, bright even in the dark, focus on me and she says, "No baby. Just make yourself some, but don't leave the house to go on any walks okay?" I smile and remember on some of those nights when Tom was gone, and mom and I couldn't sleep, we would walk together to the park and back. I say, "Of course mama. I'll just be downstairs." I see her smile at me, put her head back down on the pillow, and close her eyes.

I make sure to creep down the stairs to not make any noise, not wanting to wake him up. I turn at the bottom, not looking in the living room, wanting to give him some privacy, enter the kitchen, turn on the light, walk to the cabinets, and open them. Just as I'm about to grab a pot I hear, "Why are you up?" Luckily, because of my training I don't scream, but I do jump, just a bit. I turn around and see Huey at the end of the dinning room table with a flashlight and a book. "Bestie" I whisper, and say, "You scared me." I see him turn the flashlight off, place it on the open book, without looking down, and he says, "Jazmine." I feel that warmth in my belly. Focus Jazmine. I say, "I couldn't sleep. Why are you up?" I see that beautiful right eyebrow rise.

After a few seconds of not answering me, I say, "Bestie, why are you not asleep? I know you woke up really early." I see him exhale and look away. I'm willing to wait a day for an answer. Luckily, after ten seconds, he turns back to me, and he says, "I don't sleep very much when I'm here."

I nod and say, "Okay. Do you want me to stay up with you for a while, at least until you start getting tired?" I see his eyes flicker into that color I never get to see. It's not purple I just realized. It's auburn. This late at night it's auburn. He opens his mouth and he says, "I don't know if that's a good idea." I feel that warmth spreading from my belly into those other places. I shake my head, not caring if he notices, turn around, secure the sash on my robe, grab the pot, and say "We'll, I'm making tea and I'll make you some. It'll help you sleep." I don't hear him respond so I take that as a yes.

After making the sleepy time tea, I give him his cup, he thanks me, and I sit down with him at the dining room table to read one of the SAT prep books he brought. I was so done with the LSAT prep book for at least a few days.

I remember being on page 112 and then a smell I'm learning to like in more ways than one and then feeling something sturdy and soft under me. Then I also remembered that he couldn't sleep. My bestie. My eyes shot open and I saw I was on the couch under some blankets. I sat up and saw he was on the floor, luckily on the extra blankets that he must've found in the closet. He wasn't facing me so I couldn't see if he was awake. I felt like a little kid doing it, but it just looked so soft and now I knew it was soft. So, I reached out and touched the tips of his afro. The ends curled around my fingers again. I started pulling softly at it and eventually, knowing he was probably asleep and wouldn't know, I put my hands through it and started massaging his head. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth in my hands, and could've sworn I felt that warm head scoot closer to me. "Goodnight warm brain" I said, finally feeling my own brain tired enough to sleep.

* * *

I love that smell. It's tea with honey and spice. Grandma? I felt my eyes open, looked up and saw I was in a room that wasn't my room and from what I remember, wasn't my grandma's house either. I looked to my right, looked down, and saw my bestie on the floor. Oh yeah, I remember now. I know I slept on and off for a few hours before coming downstairs to catch him also not being able to sleep. Then, I fell asleep with my hand in his hair. I feel my cheeks getting warm.

I look down at that face and see he's facing me. And he looks so cute. Smooth forehead, relaxed eyebrows, those almond shaped closed eyes, that perfect nose, and his lips open just a bit as he slowly inhales and exhales. I don't remember him being this close to me when I fell asleep. I blink, then remember the smell of tea with honey and spice. I move the blankets off me, scoot all the way to the edge of the sofa, bring my legs down between his legs and step over them. I grab my phone and see it's a little pass five in the morning. I know I'm going to be tired later if I stay up, but I just need to figure out where that smell is coming from.

I follow the smell, tiptoeing into the kitchen, and then see Aunt Cookie in the dining room table, reading the newspaper. She does get up early. I whisper to not startle her, "Good morning." I see her look up, smile, and she says, "Good morning sugar. Did you sleep well?" I feel my cheeks getting warm again and say, "Sort of. I couldn't sleep and came down here and found Huey also not being able to sleep. I stayed with him reading out of one of the books he brought and when I woke up I was on the couch and he was on the floor." I see Aunt Cookie smile and I look away embarrassed. I hear her say, "Sugar, I know my baby Huey so don't you worry about me or anyone else thinking bad about you two." I look back and see her taking a sip from her cup. "Is that tea with honey and spice?" I ask. I see her smile again and her beautiful red eyes shine.

While making me tea, I told her about my grandma's tea and how we might go see her at the end of summer. I told her how it's been so long since we've seen grandma because of Tom. I felt my eyes getting watery thinking about grandma and how much I miss her. Then, I felt a soft warm hand grabbing my hand and I looked up to see Aunt Cookie putting a warm cup in my hand. She smiled and said, "Let's go to the backyard to keep talking sweetheart."

We sat in the same chairs we did the day before. I took a sip of the tea and felt that love I want to remember still exists outside of my little family. Then, I heard Aunt Cookie say, "Now tell me what's been going on with my boys." I looked at her and said, "Where would you like me to start?" She smiled back at me and said, "Let's start where things started to change." I looked back down at the cup in my hands and smiled.

I told her about how Huey saved me from Mark, then how Huey and Riley started training both my sister and I after Tom left. I didn't go into Tom too much because that's mom's business and I don't know how she would feel about anyone other than us, Grandad, Riley, and Huey knowing about that. I told her how Huey saved Cindy from Rallo. Then I told her about Derek's party, leaving out the details about the attack, but how I have a feeling Huey and Riley might have had something to do with Derek not showing up the last week of school. That made Aunt Cookie laugh, then we heard the door to the house open and saw mom and my sister walking out in their robes. They took the two seats across from us and then Aunt Cookie said, "I think we need some more tea."

After Aunt Cookie made more tea, Cindy went into how her and Riley beat up Rallo and his friends and how at Derek's party I flipped him over my shoulder. I looked down, not having told Aunt Cookie I did that. "Honey?" I hear mom say and close my eyes. I also didn't tell mom because I didn't want to worry her.

I hear someone putting a cub on the floor and then hear my sister say, "Mama." I open my eyes and see my sister holding mom's hands. I hear her say, "I knows you worry 'bout us and want to put everyone in Florida and I'm okay with that, but we didn't tell you cuz we wanted to take care of it ourselves. We're fine. Jazzy and I can handle punks like those and if the day come we can't, we will always come to you." I see mom inhale and look like she's about to cry. I put my cup down, get up and sit on the other chair next to her and put my hands over my sister's. Mom looks down, looking at our hands I think, and says quietly, "I just don't want my babies going through anymore than you already have. I should've left," she stops, and I feel her tears landing on my hands. I don't know what to say. This reminds me too much of before Tom left. She continues, "I should have taken both of you to Louisiana years ago and," I see her shoulders shaking now. I can't say anything. I feel my eyes getting watery. I look at my sister and see her eyes are already red, full of tears.

I hear a chair moving but can't stop looking at mom. Then, I feel two soft hands covering ours and hear Aunt Cookie say, "Sweetheart." I see mom look up and once I see her face, with her bright baby blue eyes covered in tears, I blink and let the tears fall from my own eyes. I hear Aunt Cookie say, "You left when you did. You saved these two angels from having to see more than they had to." I hear mom say, through her stuffed nose, "But I could've left sooner. I was weak thinking we needed him and then there was my baby Cindy that I should've taken the moment I even thought it was as bad as it was. Tom, those people, I should have," but she's cut off by Aunt Cookie's warm voice saying, "And that's what I thought about my first husband. He was cruel and for a long time I stayed because I thought who would want a woman so damaged from him she couldn't even have children anymore." I hear my mom inhale. I look at Aunt Cookie, see her smile, and she says, "Yes, he was that cruel that I lost the opportunity to have babies and I stayed because of that." Then, I see Aunt Cookie look down, smile, and she says, "But then my brother came one night, when that horrible man was out drinking again, and told me to put my things in his car and wouldn't take no for an answer." She looks back up at my mom and continues, "I listened to that dumbass brother of mine and left that cruel man." She stops, looks up at the morning sky, and she says, "And, six months later I met Howard. And I knew, I knew, God was good, and I left that horrible man when I was ready." She looks back down at mom and she says, "By then I had divorced that cruel man and the moment Howard asked, he became my husband and I became his wife. And I was happy sweetheart. Oh lord, I was happy with my Howard. But the good lord only let me have him for ten wonderful years before he got cancer." I hear the birds chirping somewhere in the background. Aunt Cookie exhales and she says, "I do wish he would've gotten to know the boys, but they came after him, I think because the lord knew I'd need them to fill that part of my heart." She inhales and says, "Now, my Howard waits for me in a better place, where there is no pain or loss." She smiles then and says, "In the meantime, my in-laws, who I loved with all my heart, even after Howard was gone, saw it that I should have the money they were going to leave for Howard and that's how I bought this house." She looks away, smiles again, and she says, "I bought it hoping that my brother and nephews would visit more but instead of that, those two wonderful nephews brought me more good people to love." I look at my sister and see her looking at me, with that beautiful smile. I hear Aunt Cookie laugh and hear her say, "And I know these two my brother calls angels and those nephews brought my way could only exists by the grace of God and a strong mother as a guide." I look at mom and see her breathing slow down to that strong rhythm I survived on for years. I hear Aunt Cookie say, "So you believe and know things happened the way they did because they had to happen in God's time and not our own. Just like I'm sure if you would've left when you think you should've, my two nephews wouldn't be the good kind-hearted boys they are and that wonderful dumbass brother of mine might not be as healthy as he is."

We hear the door open, see Grandad's head pop out, and he says, "Breakfast is ready ladies, but you best come in before my youngest knucklehead eats all the bacon." I hear mom and Aunt Cookie laugh, look at my little sister, and can't help knowing we're exactly where we're meant to be. I see her smile and know she's thinking the same thing.

After breakfast and realizing it's going to be colder in Chicago than we thought, even though it's summer, we decide to go to the mall to get some thermal shirts. Huey and Riley both say they need to take care of some repairs for the house, Grandad says something about after a 'cristal like the champagne' incident he has no reason to ever to go to the mall again, and Aunt Cookie says she doesn't like walking on that hard floor at the mall and will just stay home and rest. So, my sister, mom and I head out to the mall, I'm sure for a nice time.

* * *

Today has been nice. I'm tired, but happy. I should hurry so we can head back to the store we left mom in. I know my sister is probably bored, texting Riley, which is probably annoying my bestie because Riley's probably not paying attention to the repairs they're suppose to be doing.

"You heard they're back?" says a girl as she walks into the restroom, followed by three other girls. I keep looking down as I wash my hands, not wanting to listen to anyone's conversation. "Yeah girl I heard they're back. I can't wait to see them. I heard they got real cute" one of the girls says. They come to the mirror and I can see the one I first heard talking looking through her Hermes bag. Okay, I don't think I'll ever spend that much money on a bag. I mean you could donate half of the money spent on that purse to a shelter like Mr. Willis's and buy the shelter new blankets and sheets and food for several months. I shake my head, knowing it's not my place to judge. I'm just happy we have a warm place to live, where both my sister and I get to have our own rooms and where I get to live right in front of my best friend.

I'm done washing my hands and go over to grab a towel, but as I walk around them I can feel that girl staring at me. I close my eyes, knowing that I can't drop kick someone just because I don't like how they're looking at me. I hear her say, "Well you know I only want the one first in line for the money. If he looks anything like he did last time they were here, then better for me." I feel my eyebrows rise and shake my head, happy mom is raising my sister and I to not care about how much money we have but how we can help people with that money. I grab the towel, dry my hands, and walk out.

I walk into the food court and see those two braids I love. I walk up to the table, sit on the seat next to her, and say, "I'm done. You ready?" She looks up at me from her phone, smiles, and says, "Let's go sugar cuz I'm ready to beat Riles at anything." We get up, thankful we already made the one trip back to the rental van with our bags so we don't have to carry anything. We start walking back to the store we left mom at and I hear my sister say, "What's wrong sugar? Why you quiet?" I feel my lips purse and say, "Well I heard these girls in the restroom and just thought it was sad that people can be so manipulative just for money, not even caring about who the person is they're trying to be with as long as they have money." She replies, "You right. But we, mama, Riles, McHater, Grandad and now we can add their auntie to that list, ain't like that and that's what matters." I smile, knowing she's right. "I love you Cin" I say. "I know Jazzy" I hear her say, which makes me laugh.

"Damn Jazzy, even your laugh is cute" I hear a guy's voice say from behind us. I close my eyes. Not here. No. "What that short for? Jazmine? Cuz you look like one" I hear that same voice say. Then, I hear another voice say, "Yeah, and that body on this one ova here tells me Cin a lowkey player." I look over at my sister, see her lips pursed, and mouth 'no sis'. I see her suck in her teeth and we start walking faster.

"Come on ladies. We just wanna talk. I mean you two are the finest little things we've seen ever on this side of town" that first voice says from behind us. I can see the store where mom is in and exhale. I say, "Our mother is an attorney, go away." Out of corner of my eye I see a guy go around me, blocking my path and I stop so I don't run into him. He's tall, not as tall as Huey, but tall. He also has a fade, and I realize I really like afros. I also wonder when I started comparing guys to Huey. I look to my right and see another guy, with short dreadlocks, also blocking my sister. What is happening? I say, "Look, I have a boyfriend and am not interested okay." I hear my sister say, "And I gots a ride or die that will kill you."

The one with the fade says, "Damn. We'll just let us take you out for the night and show you just how much better we are than those two corny ass niggas." I say, "How dare you. You don't know us or them and you cannot be calling them that unless they're here to defend them" but I stop, shake my head, and say, "You know what. Not worth it." I grab my sister's hand and move around the guy. I see the store mom is in, breathe, take a step forward, and then feel a hand on my stomach. I stop, look down, and say, "Don't touch me." I feel my sister wiggle her hand out of mine, move up to my other side and she says, "Oh, McHater gonna kill you." I feel his hand move away, and he says, "Look, I don't know who your man is and really I don't care a'ight. My name is Cairo Johnson and believe me that I just want to," he stops, licks his lips, which I didn't know could creep me out, and he says, "Get to know you." I see the other guy pop up next to him and say, "And my name is Dewey Jenkins and I am here to talk to them yellow braids I be watching all day." I look at my sis and see her looking at me. Then, I see her smile and start laughing. I can't help it. Her laugh always makes me feel happy, so I start laughing to. I hear her say, between laughs, "You two the real corny ones." I feel her grab my hand and pull me forward. But then, I feel a hand on the wrist of my other hand and look back to see that guy with the fade touching me, again. I wonder when it became okay for guys to touch girls they don't even know. Before I can insult him, which I really want to do at this point, I hear that strong voice say, "You boys do know touching someone against their will, with the right legal counsel, can be construed as sexual harassment and you can and will go to jail for that. Especially if you're doing that to my daughters."

I turn, look pass my sister and see our beautiful mom. I feel that guy let go of my wrist. I exhale, walk forward, squeeze my sister's hand, and walk towards mom, not looking back.

Finally, back at Aunt Cookie's. As we're walking up the stairs we see two guys sitting on the porch. We walk up to the porch, see them both stand up, and the one with dreadlocks that pass his shoulders says, "Good afternoon ladies. My name is Michael Caesar." The other guy says, "And, my name is Hiro Otomo." My sister and I look at each other and she says, "Sis I cannot handle more corny ass" but she's cut off by another voice saying, "Hey you two supposed to be helping up in here." We both look up and see Riley walking out the front door, covered in what looks like dust, probably from plying the wood from the staircase. He looks at my sister and I see his eyebrow rise. Then he looks at mom and says, "Ms. S anything happen today?" We both look back at our mom and she smiles, laughs, and says, "My daughters should tell you boys." She looks at us and whispers, "Remember what I said about Freeman being family." Then she walks around us, says, "Good afternoon boys," and walks into the house. I exhale and can already feel my anxiety rising.

* * *

"So, you telling me, Dewey and Cairo just walked up to you two, touch you, and we ain't supposed to kill 'em?" Riley says. I hear my sister say, "Riles, calm the f," stops, remembering where she is and says, "Calm down a'ight. No'ing happen."

Luckily, we told them after Caesar and Hiro left, knowing it would only get worse if they were here. With how close those four apparently are they might have gone after those two tonight.

"Huey" I hear Riley say. I look up to my left and see Huey looking at the bay window. "What you wanna do Huey?" he says. I see Huey exhale and he says, slowly, "Riley, I need to think alright." I look back at Riley, see him close his eyes, and says, "A'ight, but while you think they be thinking they can touch Cin and Jazzy. So you keep thinking 'bout that shit." I see Riley open his eyes, grab his sweater, and he says, "I'll be in the backyard when you done thinking," and then walks out of the living room. I look at my sister, look into her dark blue eyes, see her nod, and see her walk out to go follow him.

I exhale. This is the worst it's gotten so far. Those other guys were dumb boys but there's something about these two I don't know. There's only one way to find out I guess. "Huey?" I say. He doesn't turn to look at me. I was expecting that. "Huey?" I say again. Nothing. Again. I get up from the couch, walk in front of him, sit on the floor, crossed legged, and say, "Bestie?" I see his eyebrow twitch as he keeps looking at the window. I exhale and say, "Huey talk to me." Still. Nothing. I start getting frustrated. I get up and can't help but start pacing in Aunt Cookie's living room and hear myself say, "Huey are you mad at me because I didn't cause this?" I stop, look at him, and see that he's still not looking at me. I shake my head and say, "Fine. You're my best friend and I can't even make you talk to me." I start walking towards the kitchen to make some real tea because he's going to talk to me tonight, even if we have to stay up caffeinated until it happens.

As I get to the entrance of the living room I hear, "Jazmine, wait." I stop, exhale, without looking back, and say, "I wasn't leaving Huey. I was just going to make us some tea. But," I turn around and continue, "You need to try to talk to me." I see him look down and he says, "About what?" I reply, "I don't know Huey maybe about who those two guys are and why you're so mad about what happened today." He exhales, but I can see his eyebrows lower and he says, "It doesn't matter who they are." I walk back and stand in front of him, even though he's still looking down, refusing to look at me. I put my hands on my hips, a habit I'm starting to notice I do when I get frustrated, and say, "Well it seems like it does matter who they are." He looks up at me and he says, "No Jazmine, it doesn't matter. They're just some idiots who I need to find and beat the crap out of. What matters is that I wasn't there to take care of you."

I close my eyes and say, "Huey you can't be there all the time and I was about to flip that Cairo guy over but then mom showed up and threatened him legally." I open my eyes, see him purse his lips, and look away. I take two steps up, kneel, holding on to the arm chair for support, look into those dark burgundy eyes that are still looking away, and say, "Bestie, tell me who they are, so I can help." He looks up at the window and I see those wheels turning. I give him the time he needs to think.

After seven seconds he says, "The imbecile that touched you used to be my best friend." I feel myself blink, once, twice, and then I feel my eyes get big, and say, "Oh, so he's the reason I got to touch your nose." He smirks and looks at me, making the warmth in belly start up. I shake my head and say, "Well maybe next time I'll have to thank him because he was the reason I got to touch that nose." I see his smirk drop and then he says, "You're not talking to him and if he ever touches you again I will kill him." I feel my eyes roll, trying to not think about how serious he's being and say, "He won't because next time I will drop kick him in front of fifty people if he even tries touching me." I see him smirk again and he says, "When did you learn how to fight?" I stand up, cross my arms over my chest and respond, "When my boyfriend taught me how to." I see him lick his lips. I look way and say, "Please, trust me Huey." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Why do you think I haven't gone to kill them yet."

I look back at him. I see the tense shoulders, that focused look, planning, strategizing. And, I realize he's right. He hasn't gone after them. He actually talked to me before doing anything. And, he waited to talk to me alone. He trusts me a little more today. And even more than that, I think he's taking my advice and not going after those two unless I tell him I'm okay with it first. I smile. But then I remember and say, "What are we going to do about Riley?" I see him purse his lips and say, "I don't know. He's stubborn like we all are and won't ever listen to reason." I can't help but snicker and say, "So you're starting to see how alike you two are?" He looks at me and does something I have never seen him so blatantly do: He looks me up and down. I swallow and see those lips move as he says, "I see a lot." I feel my knees get weak, just a little bit. Focus Jazmine. I ask, "Are you flirting with me Huey Freeman?" He looks away and says, "Maybe." I remember that's what he said when I asked him if he missed me after coming back from that first funeral. That was so long ago and now, he's my boyfriend.

I swallow. He is my boyfriend. And, he waited to talk to me alone about those two guys before doing anything. So, I take a step up, touch his knee with my own, and see him look up at me. I bend down, move his hands away from his lap, sit on that lap, and place my hands on those broad shoulders. I look at his eyes and see them get a bit darker into that darker burgundy. I look down at his lips, that have to be the softest ones in the world and then feel him sit up. I breathe and say, "Thank you for talking to me before beating up anyone." I move in closer, still looking at those lips, steal some of the air he's breathing out, and then slowly, as I put my lips on his own, I close my eyes.

Grandad and mom left to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled for Aunt Cookie and a refill for Grandad because he forgot his blood pressure medication at home. Aunt Cookie is asleep since it's after eight. My little sister and Riley are in the backyard. So, it's only us, right now, right here.

I feel his hands, which I discovered recently get warm as his temperature rises, on my waist. I taste his tongue and that mango I saw on the counter in Aunt Cookie's kitchen earlier. I really like mango. I like mango so much I hear myself moan into his mouth.

"Damn Jazzy a freak" I hear. We pull away and I stand up, a little dizzy for some reason. I turn and see my sister hit Riley behind the head and she says, "We were just gonna come back if they were busy Riles! The hell!" I feel my face burning up. I look back down at Huey and see he looks annoyed, I think about me having to pull away, and then hear him say, "Don't call her that Riley."

I look up and see him smirk that Freeman smirk at Huey and then he says, "A'ight. Just wanted to tell you C-Murph" but he stops. I look at my little sister and see her nudge him. He looks down, with the smirk gone, and continues, "We let you two girls handle this one but next time we stepping in." I look at Huey, who's looking at me. I smile at him and see him roll his eyes, probably not happy that my sister can handle a Lethal Interjection Crew member just as well as I can handle an ex-domestic terrorist.

After that we all hung out in the living room with Riley and my sister playing GTA on the Xbox Aunt Cookie bought several years ago just for Riley. She loves her babies so much. Huey and I sat on the couch with our tea, reading, and cheering my sister on. Well, I cheered her on. Huey, much like the bb gun fun, just watched my sister and I humiliate Riley. And Riley let us, because he's Riley.

For the next few days we stayed at the house during the day, helping the boys with some of the repairs the house needed, while mom used the room to make calls to the office and talk to her assistant. Apparently her assistant was really happy with the set-up mom has from her laptop and they've had no problems communicating and submitting documents to the court house and no one in mom's office has asked how she did it without help from that technical team. I love that 'warm brain'. In the evenings we went out to eat at local restaurants Grandad wanted to go to, but I did manage to get Grandad to eat at places with vegetarian options. Huey ate.

During one of those days, I almost died. Of embarrassment. Like, almost. I was walking back to the backyard with a tray holding cups with lemonade my sister had made. I figured out years ago how much I loved her lemonade more than mine and now she's forced to make it whenever I want any. As I was getting to the door, I put my hand on the screen and heard Caesar say, "Now Hu. I ain't trying to get killed today but where'd you find them two? I mean I've seen hot girls. Shit. Lots. You know my uncle and I go to Jamaica once a year and see all the locals and tourists and I 'on't ever remember seeing sisters that be smoking like that, related or not to each other." I remember standing there and wanting to open the door but couldn't do it, not sure if I was embarrassed or wanted to hear Huey's response. "Woodcrest bro" I heard Riley say and felt my eyes get big. Riley just said that? I knew it. I knew he liked her. "I'ma have to talk to my uncle about taking that job up there then" I heard Caesar say. "And maybe you'll see me up there for a visit or two or five" I heard Hiro say. I let go of the door, deciding to come back in a few minutes, but before I could take a step back into the house I heard Caesar say, "I mean it's easy to tell Riley feeling the white girl" and then I heard Riley say, "Shut up man." I heard Caesar laugh and then say, "But you Hu. Girls be throwing themselves at you not just cuz of the Kung Fu shit but cuz of the money once they find out. But you never even look at them, even Andrews." I thought, who's Andrews? Then I heard a chair moving and then Caesar said, "I know, I know, touchy subject, I get it. I on't mean to bring it up. All I'm saying is that you look at her different a'ight. I'm your friend. Known you since we were five. I know you. And I see how you look at Jazzy girl. Shit, I like her. She's sweet." I smiled. He continued, "All I'm saying is I'm happy for you. I know we young. I know people tell us to have fun, fuck around, look around, I know, but I 'on't see why. When you find the one, what's the point of feeling lonely trying to meet more girls, knowing half the time they turn out to be trifling." Poor Caesar I thought. I wondered if they had cheated on him. Then I heard in that monotone voice, "Yeah, she is different." I felt my face go from a little pink to glowing. Huey does not talk about feelings. And that was close to talking about feelings. And, he had just said I was different. Different possibly from other girls. I didn't know exactly what that meant because I'd never wanted to ask about other girls. I mean we weren't always together, and I did see him talking to other girls in the last few years, but I had never asked because I didn't want to know. What mattered was that he always let me hug him in the morning and let me call him my bestie. If he was talking to girls he never gave me any less time because of them either. Never even mentioned another girl. And at the time I really didn't care because I thought we would only ever be best friends and I just had to be okay with that. But, he had just said I was different than whatever he's experienced, whatever other girls he'd known. That's all that mattered. I heard Caesar laugh and then say, "Damn, bro. You didn't talk about Andrews like that and she was on your nuts for years, coming to ask for you from the other side of the tracks, and then annoying the fuck out of us asking about you when you didn't come last summer."

I shook my head, not wanting to hear more or be caught with my face this red standing at the door listening to them. I walked back to the kitchen, put down the tray, stayed there a few minutes to let the redness go away and walked back to the living room. I saw my sister on the couch, reading one of the SAT prep books. She looked up at me with that cute scrunched nose and said, "Sis, the hell you and ma big bro be reading in this shit?" I laughed, sat on the floor next to her legs and said, "Alright. Ask me anything you want to know, and I'll try to help." I felt happy knowing she wanted to do well on the SATs. I thought wouldn't it be awesome if we all went to the same college. I felt myself smile.

* * *

So many people. This is so cool. I look around and see all the red eyes, such a Freeman trait. Some are dark brown to red, but some are even brighter red than Huey and Riley's. I still like that morning maroon the most though.

"Jazzy girl, you see my uncle and your mom's talking right?" I hear from my right and turn to see Caesar. Spending time with him these last few days I saw why my bestie missed him. He's like a Riley with all the fun but is interested in politics and the struggles of the black community. I look over to my mom and see she is talking to Caesar's uncle. I giggle and say, "Yes I see it Caes." He nudges me and says, "You know I could be your cousin soon." I giggle again, then look at him, and say, "And I would love it." He smiles that big handsome smile I can see he got from his uncle's side of his family and says, "And then you gotta hook up a cousin with a friend of yours." I laugh this time.

Then, I feel that warmth next to me and hear him say in that monotone voice, "Caesar." I see Caesar put his hands up and say, "Hey bro I'm just asking Jazzy girl for the hook up with a nice girl that likes to cuddle man. You know I'm big cuddle bear." I can't hold it in and laugh harder this time, thinking how much he reminds me of my sister, where she can make me laugh no matter what's going on. I hear Caesar continue, "And I'm just here taking care of Jazzy girl, with you having to talk to everyone here to see you and Riley. I mean we both know family can be trifling and you can trust my ass. Shit. Just saw Romeo and Mario about to make a move on her until I got up here." I stop laughing, look up at Caesar and see he looks serious. I look back at Huey, see him exhale, see him look out at the crowd in Aunt Cookie's backyard, and he says, "Thanks Caes." I blink. What? Who? He must be stressed about having to talk to so many people. My bestie's not really good at small talk. I don't want him having to worry about me to.

I smile and say, "Well I know you two have family and friends here and both my mom and sister are having fun talking to people. Wait, where is my sister?" I hear Caesar say, "Over there next to Riley." I look over the sea of heads and shake my head when I see Riley sitting in a chair next to my sister, reenacting a scene from Scarface I think with my sister helping him out. They could also be telling them about the Fundraiser. I smile at their cuteness that they still can't see. I exhale and say, "I think I'm going to go help Aunt Cookie so you two don't worry about babysitting me. I can take care of myself just fine." I turn and start walking towards the screen door but feel that hand on my lower back, smile, and turn back to see Huey standing behind me. He opens his mouth and then closes it. I ask, "Bestie are you okay? I know you're probably stressed. Do you want me to make you some tea?" He looks down and I follow his eyes and see he's staring at my necklace. Then, I hear him say, "I'm fine. We need to talk. I'll look for you in a bit." Then, he turns, and I see him go into the sea of people. I look around and see Caesar's also gone.

I turn back, walk into the kitchen, and see Aunt Cookie at the sink. I go up to her and ask, "Can I help at least with washing dishes?" She looks at me, smiles, and moves. I turn the hot water on, let it fill the sink about half an inch, which takes a few minutes, then grab the scrub and start scrubbing the food off the first dish. After a few more minutes of scrubbing the dishes I remember about the barbecue and how my family and boyfriend are somewhere out there. I look up and look through the tiny cacti Aunt Cookie has on the window sill. I see the yard, the people, the sea of the Freeman colored eyes, and smile at how pretty it all looks today.

Then, I feel my heart stop. I see Huey talking to a girl. I swallow, squint, and see I've seen that girl before. The one from the restroom at the mall. I feel the plate I was holding slip and fall into the sink. I look down and see it didn't break but can't bring myself to look up again. I hear Aunt Cookie say, "What's wrong sugar?" I swallow and say, "Nothing Aunt Cookie, it just slipped." I feel her next to me now, know she's looking out the window, and hear her say, "Oh sweetheart, is that what you're worried about?" I look back up and see Huey and that girl are still talking. He looks angry, but still, he's still standing there, and she's flipping her hair. I feel my heart constrict. I know why girls do that. I look down again at the sink. I need to focus on this. I start scrubbing the dishes and then hear Aunt Cookie say, "You don't worry about that sweetheart. I raised my boys right." I look up at her red eyes and see her smile at me. I open my mouth, then close it, not knowing what I want to say. Then I remember, this is Aunt Cookie, who was so kind and loving with our mom, who told us about her life, and is probably the reason I've seen mom laugh harder and fuller these last few days. Aunt Cookie possibly even made it okay for mom to forgive herself for not leaving Tom sooner and I think made it so mom can move on. I exhale, open my mouth, knowing it's going to sound dumb, but it's Aunt Cookie and she won't make fun of me, and say, "But she's really pretty Aunt Cookie." Because no matter how much confidence I have now, she is really pretty. I see her look back out the window and she says, "She is." I feel my heart sink into my stomach. Then, she smiles at the window and says, "But she's not what my baby wants." And just like that, I feel my cheeks get warm and look back down at the dishes. Then, I hear her say, "And I've known people in my life that aren't good people. They" she stops, and I look up at her. I see her looking out the window at Huey and that girl I think, because at this point I really can't look out anymore, and she continues saying, "They're wrong those people. There's something wrong in their soul. Their sick mostly, and don't want to get better. And my babies know that. They know to look for that and stay away from those kinds of people. I learned that during my time helping my brother with the protests and changes we were trying to make. I was about seven or eight years old when I figured I could help. I couldn't do a lot, but I could still paint on boards and nail them to sticks I'd find in the backyard. My brother would tell me what he wanted me to paint on them and when I was done, oh he would say he would carry the prettiest one I made." I look at Aunt Cookie and cannot believe I didn't think about it. How could I have not seen what a prize I have here? I ask, "Aunt Cookie, can I ask you about your time helping Grandad with the protests and those changes? I just. There isn't enough information on the contributions made by women," but she cuts me off with, "Of course sweetheart." I put the plate down into the sink and say, "I need a paper and pen. I'll be right back." I hear her laugh as I run upstairs to get my 'jazzy' backpack. I remember the anxiety I had a few minutes ago watching Huey talk to that girl, but then I also remember I asked him to trust me. Just like Mr. and Mrs. Lopez. Trust has to go both ways. I breathe as I pull out my pen and notebook from my backpack. I trust by bestie.

* * *

Hi Everyone! Continue on to Chapter 19.

-Bulma's Ego.


	19. Old family, money, and decisions

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Enjoy.

CHAPTER 19:

"Huey, we both know how much you're really worth if you go to them. Think about the properties, the companies, the connections. Just go see them. They want to work things out" I hear her say. I'm listening, only because I should have as much information as I'm given at all time, but I'm starting to consider if the headache I will have to deal with later is worth it. "All you have to do is go see them and tell them you're sorry for not trying to see them last time and how you want to be part of the family. They'll accept you, I'm sure" she says. I see her close her mouth and I realize how much I wanted her to stop talking. She didn't irritate me this much last time but then again, I don't think I was as sane as I am today.

I exhale and feel my shoulders relax remembering she also wasn't here last time. There's a correlation between my sanity and her coming to Chicago with me this time. I know that. I also remember, she was walking into the kitchen when I saw this girl out here. I told her I would look for her in a few minutes because I knew there was a chance they would meet today, and I wanted to talk to Jazmine about her first. I wouldn't be telling her exactly who she is or how I know her, but I would tell her she's from before we started dating and I want nothing to do with her. But I decided to first find out why this girl was here to begin with. That was six and a half minutes ago.

"Is that all?" I say, because I should be in the kitchen with my hand on Jazmine's leg, listening to her talk about anything. I see this girl blink and feel my eyebrow rise when I see her flip her hair. It's straight now. I have never been against products women use to straightened, curl or change their hair. I really could not care less. The problem I have with it is when women start to believe that somehow changes who they are, who they were before the change in their appearance. The fact that they now have a different color and texture should not change how they act and respond to any given situation. This girl, I remember her being different, not as irritating, when she had her natural hair.

I try not to, but I somehow always find myself comparing girls, women, like the one standing in front of me right now, to her. When we were ten she tried a hair relaxer that Grandad had forced me to make that had originally started as an explosive compound for a bomb. I try not to smirk remembering how two hours later she came back to the house with her hair under a hooded sweater and the biggest afro I had ever seen on her, after having tried to wash out the product and dry her hair several times. She stood there, on my porch, in her pink hooded sweater and wet plastic sandals, I think from standing in her shower, asking if I could make something that would make it so that it felt like she had never used the hair relaxer at all. At the time her naivete still bothered me and I was stressed about Grandad wanting me to make more of that hair relaxer. So, trying to get back to the garage as soon as possible to deal with Grandad and Riley and needing to get rid of her, I did what I always did and told her the truth, not caring about hurting her feelings in the process. I told her her hair would never be the same and she had changed the actual physical components to it by adding a highly explosive compound to it. I went even further and told her the only thing I could do would be to build a time machine to go back in time and stop her from using it and I would get right on that, in the next few years. Then, as I saw her morning jades full of tears, I told her to go home and stop being childish. Then I slammed the door on her. I had turned back to the hallway to start walking back to the garage, but then my hearing picked up the sniffles. The sniffles stopped me. I had seen and heard her cry many times that year alone, but it was always full-blown wails, not just sniffles. That was the first time I heard that voice, the whiny one, when I heard her say behind the door, "I'm sorry Huey" sniffle, "I didn't mean to be like everyone else" sniffle, "And now you hate me" sniffle, "And" sniffle. I was at the door by then, holding the doorknob, but hadn't turned it for some reason. Then I heard the last part, "I won't force you to be my best friend anymore and I won't bother you ever again. Bye Huey" sniffle. Then, I heard the sound of her wet sandals hitting the pavement getting fainter and fainter. I don't know why, even at that age, not fully grasping what it meant to like someone, have an attraction to someone, have a crush, or want to be in a relationship, I knew if I didn't stop her, it would be one of those few regrets I would take to my grave. I turned the doorknob and remember grabbing her shoulder before her small sandal hit the sidewalk. She looked back at me, in that hooded sweater, with a red face and tears still coming down. I looked away, ashamed for the first time that I had caused that, and said, "I might have something that can reverse the damage." She hugged me and I remember being annoyed that her snots were going to be on my shirt and relieved that her snots were going to be on my shirt.

Even with that hair relaxer in her hair, she was still Jazmine. Kind, caring, and sometimes obnoxiously too optimistic. When she stood there on my porch with some of the hair relaxer still in her hair even after having washed it several times, asking me to do something to fix what she thought to be the biggest mistake of her life, she was coming to me because she believed I could make it better, even though I had created the hair relaxer to begin with. She saw hope in me to make this world a better place by first starting with her hair. By then I was aware of what the world saw when they looked at me. They saw someone that would dissect it, tell them how wrong it really was, and let them deal with their own consequences and self-inflicted punishment. She didn't see that. I still don't know what she saw when she looked at me at that age, but I know she saw hope. That was one of the many times she cleaned off some of the damage that family had inflicted on me. All she had to do was be Jazmine.

"Dolores" I say. "Yes Huey" she answers, opening her eyes more, possibly trying to remind me that they're hazzle. I exhale and say, "I asked if that was all." I see her look down, I'm sure thinking about another way to keep me from walking away. Jazmine should still be in the kitchen, I hope not watching this without me first having a chance to explain that this girl means nothing. I see her eyes look up at me and she says, "We were getting close last time you were here. Why are you being so cold now?" I close my eyes, trying to not be as annoyed as I am right now. It's not her fault she's the way she is. The fact that all she thinks about, possibly obsesses over, is how much money her family has and how to gain more of it. It's that family's fault. Her own family. Riley and I got away, but she didn't. Regardless of the circumstances, we got away, she did not. I exhale some of that annoyance, open my eyes, and say, "Dolores, we knew each other, but that was almost two years ago and as far as I remember, I did not look for you." As a matter of fact, most of the time I was sitting on that couch, looking at that stained-glass panel Aunt Cookie's husband made. Jazmine. I haven't kissed her in several days.

She's been sleeping on the couch every night since the first night we arrived. I think she told Sarah I can't sleep and she's helping me. She's not lying, although she might not know it. Every night she makes tea for us and I set up the show or movie we'll have in the background while we read. After reading, we get ready for bed, she lays down on the couch, I lay down on blankets on the floor, I turn away from her and then I close my eyes. After two to three minutes, I feel her hand in my hair, and she starts drawing pictures or writing the alphabet. Then, she falls asleep with her hand still there. She doesn't know the feeling of her small hand in my hair has been the reason I've sleep better in this place than I have since before they died. But, we haven't kissed since that night on the couch when my brother interrupted us. He did have an imprint of my shoe on his face that night.

I see the girl that's standing in front of me look down and hear her say, "I know Huey. I looked for you. I came here and you wouldn't see me. But, I just thought it was because your grandmother had just," but I cut her off with, "Dolores, that." I close my eyes, inhale, exhale, open them, and say, "Was not my grandmother." I see her look up at me, angry I think. Good. I'm tired of this and need her and those families to finally go away. She says, "Huey, no matter how you feel, there's a lot of money at stake here and if you just stopped and thought about it and considered our families uniting, legally, we could have it all. The moment we turn eighteen and unite we could have cities, the police, even politicians," but I cut her off saying, "With blood money." I close my eyes, breathe and say, "And blood money will always lead to more of it." Those are the words neither one of those families wants to hear. Hers or my mother's. Hopefully, hearing those words will be enough. In the last two years she might have grown up a bit, seen, heard, some of the things those two families take part in. Most people have a limit to their greed and that's usually it, the idea of blood on that money. I know I was cryptic two years ago but maybe hearing those words will be enough for her to heed my warning and leave them.

I open my eyes and feel them get big as I see her smile and she says, "So? It's just money, Huey."

I think of Aunt Cookie and remember the last time I was here, for that woman's funeral, when I didn't get to see Jazmine before leaving. The first day we arrived we spent the day with Aunt Cookie as usual. The next day was the funeral. I stayed home with Aunt Cookie, replaced some of the boards on the staircase to keep myself busy and read in the living room, catching myself looking at that stained-glass panel, berating myself for doing it when I did. Grandad and Riley had gone and come back from that funeral, having been turned away as soon as they got there. Grandad was taking a nap in the guest room, Riley was playing his Xbox in the second guest room, and Aunt Cookie was in the kitchen. I heard a knock on the door, reminding myself I needed to replace the doorbell, giving Aunt Cookie more time to answer and not hurry down the staircase. I heard Aunt Cookie open the door and picked up a girl's voice. I grabbed my cell, saw I had left the last text as 'unread'. I exhaled and knew I wanted to call, but I wasn't good with words. That, and in the state of mind I was in I might have told her the truth and risked her never talking to me again. I decided I would just text her later that night. I got up, stretched, and walked to the kitchen to get some water. As I walked by the door I saw Aunt Cookie with a girl I remembered from somewhere. I stopped to see if Aunt Cookie needed my help making her leave. We weren't expecting anyone, and Aunt Cookie didn't like people showing up unannounced. Before I could ask Aunt Cookie if she needed me, I felt my eyebrow rise as I saw the girl looking me up and down. Then I heard her say, "Hi. My name is Dolores Andrews and you must be Huey." I looked at Aunt Cookie and noticed she was holding onto the door and had not invited the girl in. "How can we help you?" I heard Aunt Cookie say. I saw the girl look at Aunt Cookie and said in an almost condescending way, "You must be Aunt Cookie." I saw Aunt Cookie let go of the door, dry her hands on her apron, and she said, "No. I'm Mrs. Williams. How can we help you?" She had used her actual name. This got me on edge, and I looked back at that girl. I didn't like my family being threatened and that's what it felt like. But, I was also a realist and did not give into my first emotion, and that girl was asking for me, so I said, "Yes I'm Huey Freeman. What do you need?" She was taken aback by my response, but from the corner of my eye I saw Aunt Cookie had turned to me and was smirking. Usually Aunt Cookie told me to be nicer to people, so this was surprising. The girl said, "I'm a family friend and wanted to introduce myself since I didn't see you at your grandmother's funeral or the burial." I felt my inhale as I heard Aunt Cookie doing the same thing. I saw Aunt Cookie turn away from that girl and walk up to me. She placed her hand on my shoulder and she said, "Huey honey. I'm gonna go take a nap." She let go and I heard her walking up the staircase.

I looked at that girl. My age or about. Then I remembered where I had seen her before. She had been hanging out in that group of kids with Cairo and Dewey at Moe Jackson's funeral, but I didn't care to ask who any of them were. She was the tallest one in the group back then, but now I was taller than her. I was already regretting getting any qualities from my mother's family and didn't want to add height to that list to. This girl was already annoying me and she didn't even know it. "I'm busy. What do you need?" I said. She looked at me, possibly expecting some other kind of response and said, "I just wanted to come see how you were doing after your grandmother," but I stopped her there with, "That woman was not my grandmother. Now if that's all you came here for, you can leave." I saw her eyes focus on me, which made me nervous, and I don't ever get nervous, unless it involves someone calling me 'bestie' in public that will hopefully one day grow up. I heard her say, "Huey, I just think we should try to get to know each other. See, the thing is our families are connected and I'm sure you and I will have some kind of future together later on, in business or in some other form." I remember feeling confused about what she wanted. I knew if she was connected to that family it must have to do with money and criminal activities. Some of those activities could lead them all to prison for several lifetimes. I looked at her again. Black girl, maybe thirteen or fourteen years old, afro pulled back into a tight bun, light complexion, I'm sure from not being out in the sun like us less fortunate individuals, and, from the look of that coat and purse, she valued money, or at least showing that she had it. Most girls our age would rather have a purse with a character that described their personality, or the personality they were coming into. This girl valued what her family told her to value. But, I couldn't fault her for that. She was still young and what her family told her to do, she would do, no questions asked. I exhaled. She still had a whole life ahead of her to change her mind about that family. Hopefully, she would find a way to get away from them like our mother did with the help of our father. And then I remembered, I just met this girl, I didn't know her, and I had no responsibility to her. My responsibilities were very much grounded in bettering my community, keeping my brother out of trouble, making sure Grandad had his orange juice and took his recently prescribed high blood pressure medication on time, and lastly, the one responsibility that still lingered in the back of my mind, no matter how much I told it I didn't have time for it, was finding a way to make a 'hello kitty' backpack totting girl not cry as much.

I inhaled, frustrated that I was being reminded again today about our mother's family. I looked at her and said, "I'm not connected to that family and will never be connected to them. If you had any idea what that family really is, you would stay as far away from them as possible." I stopped, exhaled and then said, "I have nothing to tell you but the simple fact that I want nothing to do with them." She looked away and said, "Why don't we just get to know each other Huey and see where things go from there?" I remember starting to get that headache, wanting to get water and not wanting to get to know anyone that day, and said, "Look, I don't feel like getting to know anyone today." I saw her look up and her light brown eyes sparkle, I think with hope. Then, I thought about Jazmine and how many times I've hurt her feelings just in the last year. I said, "But I do hang out with my friends at the park five blocks east from here and I might be there on Saturday." I saw her smile and say, "Okay. I'll see you then." Then, she turned around and walked away. I went up to the front door and saw her getting into the back of a suburban I was sure wasn't even on the market. I also noticed the car had no license plate. She was already in too deep.

That Saturday she did show up to the courts and we talked. She told me about the businesses she thought her parents were involved in. Then, she went into how her family had connections to my mother's family going back several generations. I told her I didn't want to talk about that, so we talked about school. I hate small talk, but she was nice. I was bored, but she was cute. I missed a whiny voice, but I knew this girl, Dolores, liked me. But, I also knew there was something off about her. Aunt Cookie would say there was something wrong about that person and would treat them accordingly. She also makes the judgement call within the first five minutes of meeting someone. It might seem wrong to people that Aunt Cookie judges a person that soon, but she's never been wrong in her judgement. She loved our mother but hated our mother's family. And, based on Aunt Cookie's treatment of this girl and my own observations, I felt relieved when she left, knowing I wouldn't see her again since we didn't make future plans.

The next day my brother and I went back to the courts. As we walked up, I saw her sitting on the same bench from the day before. My survival instincts kicked in. I hadn't said I would be there again. I threw the ball to Riley and said, "I'll catch up in a minute." He looked back at that girl and, to my surprise, didn't say anything about her being there two days in a row. He just turned and walked away. I walked up to her and she got up. I noticed her skirt was shorter than the day before and her hair was down. I saw the afro waves on her shoulders and guessed, from the thickness, it was natural. I remember thinking I hoped it was thicker, with more curls, almost untamable, but I didn't know why I would want that. When I got close enough that she could hear me I said, "Why are you here? I didn't tell you I would be here today." She looked at me, hurt I think, but I didn't know her enough to care and she had surprised me by showing up again, and I didn't like surprises, let alone the ones that left me unprepared. She said, "Well, I know you're just visiting and are probably leaving soon, and I was hoping we could spend some time together before you go. Maybe even at my house, alone." I felt my eyebrow rise. I had just turned fourteen a few weeks before, but I knew exactly what she meant. I inhaled and said, "Why?" I saw she got surprised and said, "What do you mean why? I mean I'm interested in you and I've gotten hints that you're interested in me and I'm connected to your family and I know later on, I mean not right now, but when we're older, we'll probably be business partners, if not more, so we should start to get to know each other before you leave."

I remember looking at her for twenty, possibly twenty-five seconds, tops and seeing her for what she was. I saw her for what she talked about the day before and what she talked about the first two minutes we met and knew that's all she was. I didn't care that she wanted to have sex the day after we met. I don't judge that part of people's lives. What I do judge is what that person brings to the table. Do they contribute or do they take? I saw all she wanted was to take. That's all she wanted to be. That family. Her family and the family that tried to take my brother and me from people that actually cared about us just for a few extra cents in their pockets. This girl actually wanted to be connected, possibly involved, with that family. I remember thinking, she didn't know because she was too young, and her family had not involved her in the business yet. I thought, maybe, she didn't know where the money came from because, based on what she said the day before, she thought it came from properties and household goods. That had to be the reason she still wanted to be part of that family.

After making my decision, I exhaled, knowing I knew where my life was headed a long time ago. There would be drive, there would be change, and there would be solitude. And, I would live it honestly. And that honesty is the reason I said, "There's blood there. That family. That's all they are. Look into it and see it for yourself. But, I want no part of it. I never will. Don't come here again."

I turned, heard her call my name, but didn't turn back. I knew I wouldn't use people. I wouldn't lie to people. I wouldn't necessary be an open book, but I would be honest in my actions and remain accountable to them. Those are at least two things that could distance me from that family. I hated very few things in life, but one thing I could say even back then that I did hate was being connected to them wherein the only times I felt I had enough distance from them, felt remotely clean from them, was in the mornings for one and a half seconds, possibly two if her parents got in an argument the night before. I knew I would never deserve those hugs or the faith she had in me, coming from the family I came from, but selfishly, I knew I would hold onto them until she left. And I was fine with that. I lived off of very little food, water, and human contact. What she gave me was enough and I deserved what she was willing to give.

The rest of the time for that trip I stayed at Aunt Cookie's, working on her house. There was always something I could fix. That girl came every day and asked for me. And every day Aunt Cookie told her I was unavailable. And every night I slept on that couch, looking at that stained-glass panel, knowing I don't believe in religion, but hearing her whiny voice asking me stupid questions and good questions and seeing that panel made me feel sane. I texted her a few times and she would always text me right back. I should've called.

As a matter of fact, I want to hear her voice right now. I exhale the concern I felt for this girl for even a second, knowing it only came to be because she's in some form connected to that family, and say, "Dolores, we're done." She wants to be a part of that family, that money, that life and I won't be the one to stop her. I turn, look over the sea of family and friends, some I still need to talk to, and see Caesar standing next to a few of my cousins. He's looking directly at me. I nod in her direction and he looks at her, looks back at me, and nods. I start walking towards the house, then I see a head with straight dark hair run in front of me. I stop, feel my eyebrow rise, surprised she's being this forward with me in this house and hear her say, "But why not Huey?" I exhale and say, "Because I don't want to be connected to them, which means I do not want to be connected to you." I move around and see her move in front of me again. I look up, close my eyes and exhale, wanting to get to where I actually want to be, which is thirty-two feet away, in that house, with the overpowering smell of pork and her sitting next to me, with my hand on her leg, helping me relax after talking to so many people knowing I don't like talking to people. Then, I open my eyes, looking at the sky over Aunt Cookie's backyard and realize, we are in Chicago, and there is somewhere I want to be right now, right here, in this city. There is actually somewhere I want to be in this city right now. Only she could make that happen.

I hear that girl say again, "But Huey," and then I hear another voice, the one I'm thinking about right now say, "Bestie?"

I look down, pass the girl that's keeping me from where I want to be, and see her, a few feet in front of me. I see that soft blond afro with the two braids she connected at the back of her head with a purple hair band, the rest of her hair coming down to the small of her back, thick and untamed; the big forehead that hasn't gone away and probably never will; the fine eyebrows that somehow always look the same and have always matched her hair color; the light purple shading she has over her eyes to match the hair band and shorts she's wearing with her tight white t-shirt and white high top converse. Then, I see those forest green eyes that have only been matched by the light that comes through that panel at exactly 5:30 in the afternoon by the first green that encircles that religious sign, followed by the lighter forest green, then the darker morning jade, and finally the light morning jade. The stained-glass panel that has every single shade of her eyes and kept me sane, knowing that for exactly fifteen minutes every afternoon it would show me all the variations of her eyes, and now I look at because it reminds me of her eyes without the added want to kiss her. I keep traveling down and see that small button nose that belongs on one of those porcelain dolls Aunt Cookie keeps in her attic, covered in the small freckles I've counted while she slept on the couch this week. I still need to map out those freckles, connect them somehow. And finally, I travel down to those lips that some idiots would say are too big for her face and are the reason I have to turn around when we sleep in the same room, afraid I will kiss her, and it will lead to other things. And then of course there's the actual color of those lips she's not hiding today. That dark pink color that I'm sure she got from one of her African lineages, seeing as I just found out Sarah is also part black. I look back up, quickly, knowing I did all of this thinking in exactly four and a half seconds. I see her smile, walk around that girl, grab my hand, and hear her say, "Aunt Cookie said you needed your girlfriend to save you." I look up, towards the chairs set up next to the various grills and see Aunt Cookie, smiling at us, sitting next to Grandad and Sarah, who's talking to Leo.

I look down to my right and see Jazmine looking at the girl that wouldn't let me get to the kitchen. I know that girl is looking back at Jazmine. I have to figure out how to get to the zip ties that are in the second drawer to the right of the sink in Aunt Cookie's kitchen. Then, I see those lips, that I haven't kissed in days, move and she says, "I don't care why you're here. I don't care how you know him. But know, you don't know him. You don't know anything about him. You don't know what he wants or what he deserves. Don't bother my boyfriend again." I look back at that girl and see the anger. Shit. Knowing what's about to come I look up for Caesar or my brother, but then I hear that voice say, "And, if you make a scene in Aunt Cookie's house, know that my boyfriend has trained me, and you will not be leaving with any of that fake hair, because it is fake. And no matter how much money you have, I'm sure you don't want that Hermes purse scuffed up tonight." I look back at that girl and see her eyes open and then I see her hold her purse to her chest. I see her swallow, look up at me and then back at Jazmine, take a step back, holding that purse, turn around and practical run to the side door of the backyard, I'm sure into a new car with no license plate.

I look down to my right and see those light forest green orbs staring at the side door that opened and closed a few seconds ago. I feel her hand squeezing my own, harder than usual. I look at the color of those lips, remembering it's been days, thinking about what happened in the last half minute, and feel that need that comes only at night, when I'm alone in my room, thinking about that color. We need to get out of here. I move in front of her, grab her wrist and pull her forward to the house and through the kitchen door. Most people were busy talking and shouldn't have noticed us walking up to the house. I walk through the kitchen, holding her wrist and note that I'm no longer pulling her but she's moving with me. We walk up the staircase, into the room her mother and sister have been sleeping in. As soon as she's in, I close the door behind her, lock it, push her against the wall, put my hands over her shoulders, leaning on the wall, and close my eyes. I exhale, knowing I need to relax.

Then, I hear her whisper, "Bestie, can I kiss you?" I open my eyes, see those lips, and then I feel my mouth on them, and dive into it, tasting that tongue. I hear her moan my name, feel those hands on my shoulders, and then grab her ass and lift her. With those legs secured around my waist, I start rubbing myself on her stomach. "Fuck Jazmine" I hear myself say, and I pull away, but can't bring myself to let go of her ass. I feel her shivering and hear her say, "Huey, I'm sorry, I just." I bring her down slowly, letting her feet touch the floor before I let go of that ass, bringing my hands up onto those hips, feeling her shiver more as I do. I look at those greens and kiss her without closing my eyes, then say, "Jazzy, I'm sorry. I'm too wound up. There's nothing you can do about this. I don't want you thinking I want anyone else. But it's not the right time for us. Just give me a few minutes and don't let this get to you." I don't need her thinking whatever she was thinking in the cafeteria when that girl came up to our table on the last day of school. I see her smile. Good. I exhale and say, "Stay here. I'll be right back."

After I'm done in the restroom, I come back to their room and find her looking at her notebook. "SAT studying material?" I ask. She looks up and says, "No. Aunt Cookie's contribution to the Civil Rights Movement." I look at her and wonder if she will ever stop surprising me. I see her cheeks getting that color I like, and she says, "Bestie, don't look at me like that." I look away. I might not be hard anymore, but I only need a thought and I'll have to deal with that problem again. I hear her say, "So can you tell me about that girl?" I look back at her and see she's closed her notebook and is sitting in the same position she was when we were in her room, while I sat on her desk chair and told her about that family. I look down, exhale, and remember everything I didn't want to tell her, specifically who that girl is and how I'm connected to her, but I also told her I would try. I would try.

I look around the room but don't see a chair. I say, "Let me go get a chair," but she cuts me off with, "You could also sit on the bed with me." I look at her, feel my lips purse the way that makes me feel like I'm ten again, and say, "I don't think that's a good idea Jaz" but she cuts me off with, "Huey, we are just going to talk and I would rather us be close if we're going to be talking about some girl that was just in this house and I know wants to be with you." I exhale, knowing she has a point. Even I feel uncomfortable being away from her if we're going to have to talk about anything having to do with her or that family. I see her scoot and pat the space next to her. I exhale, nod, walk up to the bed, and sit.

I need to do this chronologically. I start, "Her name is Dolores Andrews. The first time I saw her was at Moe Jackson's, Grandad's friend's, funeral. She was hanging around those two imbeciles you met at the mall." I stop and breathe, trying to relax. I feel her small hand inside my right one and I look down, seeing her spread her fingers between mine. I think I know what I want to get her for next birthday. Focus Huey. I continue, "I didn't talk to her then. I met her when she came to the house, last time I was here, after that woman's funeral." I stop, feeling my temperature rising again. Then, I feel her other hand cup the same one she's holding. I close my eyes, focusing on those hands, and say, "She said she had come because she didn't see me at the funeral or the burial. Aunt Cookie wasn't very welcoming." I hear her snicker to that, shake my head as I smirk, and continue, "She said she wanted to get to know me because our families were connected, and we might have a future together." I feel her sit up, so I open my eyes and look to my right. She's looking at the door. I say, "You're not going to go look for her Jazmine." I see her purse those lips I'm going to make sure to kiss after this conversation. I continue, not wanting to look away from those lips, and say, "I told her I didn't want to get to know anyone that day, but I would be at the park in a few days." I look up and see those forest green eyes that are still looking at the door. She doesn't look like she wants to cry after telling her I didn't completely reject that girl. She has become something else in the last few months, something stronger. I'm aware of why I never told her about this girl or other girls I was talking to. I didn't want her crying thinking they meant something, and more importantly than even her hurt feelings, I didn't want her to stop hugging me in the morning or using that nickname on me. I look back down at those lips and say, "She came to the park, we talked, she told me what she knew about those families, which was mostly wrong, and that was it. We made no future plans to see each other again." I see those lips move and say, "So then why does she think there's more to you two than that?" I exhale, and say, "Because the next day, when Riley and I went back to the park, she was there again." I see her lick those lips and stop myself from licking my own, knowing I need to finish this. I continue, "She offered herself to me." I see that mouth I should be kissing, open and then close. I reply to the questions I know she's thinking about but doesn't want to ask when I say, "The answer to all of those questions is no."

I see her face turn to me, see her eyes get bigger, giving me the opportunity to see that bright green even more, and hear her say, "To all of them?" I inhale and say, "If we get to a place where we are talking about sex, which won't be for some time, then we will talk about that, but the answer to those questions you have right now is no."

I don't want to tell her yet that part of the reason I've waited, even though girls, some women, have offered themselves, is because, even though I thought it was selfish and would never ask for it, I've wanted it to be with her. Although, I never thought it would actually happen or we would be as close as we have been, twice now, to that, thinking that it would never happen is partially why I would consume my time with my work, whether it was school related, protests, scientific, or just keeping Grandad and Riley from leaving us homeless. And because of that, that work, and my personal life have never been balanced. Opening a book or going online to try to get more information on the illuminati's recent activities was the only way I was able to stop myself many nights from climbing in through her window to find out if those lips were as soft as they looked. It's only now that I can say these thoughts have plagued me for several years, the ones about the color and taste of her lips. I also know I didn't want to act on them, thinking I didn't deserve those lips and I was sure I had hurt her feelings well enough for years that whatever small crush she had on me when we were kids was long gone.

Putting my energy into my work gave me the reprieve I needed from thinking about kissing her, but I'm starting to think that imbalance in my life possibly also led to me putting my resources into obsessions that led to little or useless information, when I could have been using that time more wisely. Just in the last few weeks since we started dating I reread an entire SAT prep book, started on a third one, read the last portion of my LSAT book, and started going through some of her mother's books while I wait for the second LSAT book. That's not considering the amount of time I still put into scanning through the recordings when people I don't know come to their house. Now that we're dating I feel like I have all of this time and energy, even if she thinks some nights I stay up too late trying to get information on certain grandsons of residents at the nursing home. I do feel a certain kind of worry about that, knowing I do not like relying on people, even if they benefit me. I know relying on people, for the most part, leads to disappointment and resentment, but I also do not lie to myself. I know us now being together, spending more time with each other, and having her help me not obsess as much on my work has helped me bring some balance into my life.

I look back down at those lips, see her smile, and then hear her say, "Okay bestie. I'll remember you said the answer to all of those questions is no. Now continue." I feel my smirk, shake my head, and continue, "That day, she said the reason for her offer was because she knew we would be working together sometime in the future, through some business conjunction or family ties. I told her I wanted no part of that family and she should look into exactly how those families make and keep their money." I stop. I feel her squeeze my hand with the one that's under it. I continue, "It seems as though she did look into it and couldn't care less about where the money comes from or how tainted it is." I look away, not necessarily knowing if I want to continue. I hear her inhale and hear her say, "But why does it matter to her if you want to be part of that family or not? I mean it seems like she has her own money." I exhale.

After the approximate seven seconds she gives me, she says, "Bestie, if you don't want to talk about this anymore, it's okay. You already told me nothing happened between you to and you don't want to be with her. I don't want to force you into talking about something I know is still painful."

I close my eyes, inhale that peace she carries with her, possibly in her hair, or in her small hands, or on those freckles I should've started counting years ago, and then exhale the worry of judgement that is sure to come the day anyone outside of my family finds out who my mother's family is and just how deep their criminal activities run. That judgement is the reason the life of solitude seemed like the best fit for me. If I was ever connected to them and their activities, as unlikely as that is, seeing as I've never lived with them or had contact with them outside of that court case, anyone connected to me, such as a family I create, would also be connected to them. Up until these last two years, at the mature age of fourteen, I had even come to understand that I would never get married or have children, knowing I would never want to drag anyone through what my brother and I had to live through, even if now it's just in our memories. He might not act like it bothers him to be part of that family, but I know my brother, as much of an idiot he can be, I know him, and I know he thinks about how much he hates being connected to them every day. Those are some of the many things we do not talk about.

I feel that hand under my own and feel her drawing the letters of the alphabet in my palm with her other hand. She started on the alphabet the moment she held my hand with both of hers. She doesn't know it because she does it unconsciously, drawing or writing the alphabet on me when we're near each other. She's on 'R' for Rosa Parks now. A strong black woman who stood her ground and would not be moved by weaker people and laws that had no place existing. I think about that hand that's slowly writing out the letters. There are similarities there, between Rosa Parks and the girl that's using my palm as a piece of paper. Even during those years when she lived in fear, she was strong and stood her ground, doing what she could to protect the people she cared about. She didn't run away, like some people do in that kind of situation. She didn't turn on others, inflicting even more pain onto this misguided world, simply because she wanted a release from her own pain. Instead, she remained caring and warm, which she didn't know only added in making me think I would never deserve someone like her. And that nature of hers that luckily Tom, Mark, and even I were not able to destroy was the reason no matter how many times I made her cry, she would always come back, sometimes the very next day, to hug me and ask me to play some game with her, not judging me for being the cold, emotionless kid I was. She just kept wanting to be my best friend. She never judged me by my actions of the day before, just acted like they never even happened, coming back with her big green eyes, asking me to fix her hair and this world with that hope she saw in me. If there is one thing Jazmine has never been, I'm sure as I am black, is judgmental. She sees good in people and doesn't judge them even for their actions, instead trying to help them change their ways. She proved that every time she would come back with a hug, rather than the insult I deserved.

I open my eyes, look down at that braid on the side of head, and say, "Jazmine." She looks up from our hands and smiles that smile reserved for me. I say, "If I choose to, I could go back to that family and fight for an inheritance that, regardless of any Will, should be due to our mother, since she was the first in line to receive it. That inheritance involves corporations, investments, even promises from politicians, that amount to a large amount of wealth. And." I stop, close my eyes, not wanting to see those greens that will stop shining in my direction after I say the rest, and then say, "That money involves the murder of other prominent families in Chicago, possibly even politicians. I'm sure their business also involves the illegal importing and exporting of controlled substances. There is more, I'm sure, that I'm not aware of. That's the family my mother comes from Jazmine. And that girl wants to be part of that money, that family, to have the resources available through them. I am the easiest way for her, and other girls that have asked, to get to it. That's all I am, what this messed up society would call a meal ticket, and that's why she wants to be with me now, hopeful it'll lead to marriage in a few years."

I turn away and look down, not wanting to open my eyes. I have never been a coward. Not once in my life. When I made her cry, I was pathetic. When I told others how I thought they should live their lives, I was being ignorant of the fact that I needed to start with me. When it came to fighting, weapons, missions, I could do that head on, not thinking twice about getting hurt, because I was selfish in how that would affect Grandad or my brother. But, in this one respect I don't want to see that look, which is cowardly of me. The one where she might not judge me, because she's incapable of doing that, but the one where that hope she's always shined my way will no longer be there. Now that she knows that family I'm connected to is wealthy through the taking of peoples' lives, that hope to make things better she use to see in me will disappear, like it was never there to begin with. I'm also completely aware that I haven't let go of her hand, trying to hold onto it for as long as she'll let me, at least for the next few seconds, before she tells me she not only doesn't want to be with me anymore, but she doesn't want to know me either.

I feel those hands slowly let go of mine and I feel my shoulders sink. I should've told her years ago to stay away from me because I would only make her cry and eventually she would see how she would want to have nothing to do with me. I look up with my eyes still closed and breathe, waiting to hear the door open and close, not having the courage to see the only person I considered my best friend for the last five years walk away from me.

Then, I feel that warm breath on my face, those fingers kneading my shoulders, and her small teeth bite my lower lip, making me groan loud, not being prepared to hold it in. I open my eyes and see her standing in front of me with that shine in her eyes, the one I just realize is the reason I like the color green so much. I start, "Jazmine," and then see her open that mouth and she says, "Shut up Huey." I look up at those eyes again and see the darker forest green telling me we should be heading to the backyard soon, but I have other priorities right now. She opens that mouth again and says, "I," then kisses my lips, "Don't," kisses my right cheek, "Care," kisses my left cheek, "About," goes up and kisses my forehead, "That," and kisses my nose. I want to tell her I have other places on my face she could kiss but see that mouth open again and she says, "I just want my bestie. The one that made me cry and then let me put my snots all over his shirt. I don't care about that family or how much or how little money they have. I want nothing to do with them because I know they're bad people. They're wrong people. What you told me right now just confirms that. The only person I would've wanted to meet from that family is no longer here, but I know, like I know coming here with you has been the best choice I've made so far, she is watching over you and Riley right now and couldn't be prouder that you both want nothing to do with that family. I already knew that girl wanted you for money. I heard her talking about you in the restroom at the mall but didn't know she was talking about you." She stops, exhales that peace I'm stealing right now, and she says, "I also didn't know how much money was involved or where it came from, and of course it's horrible that they did those things for it. But, when it comes to how much money they have I really didn't and I still don't care. What I care about is that you are my best friend, my boyfriend, and I won't let her, or any other girl take either of those things away without a good fight because you're worth every kick, punch, and flip if that's what it takes. So, unless there's something else you want to tell me right now that you think might change my mind about how I feel, which you really have no say in anyways, stop acting like I'm gonna run away at some point because, just like the last five years, I'm here to stay."

I look at that face I've been waking up to each morning since we arrived here and realize that after that first morning, I've been waking up each morning a few minutes before she does to watch her breathe and make sure she's breathing in the same rhythm as she was the night before. I also realize, watching her breathe every morning leads me to the same conclusion, and that conclusion is that I like counting her freckles. I look at that nose with approximately twenty-three freckles, remember she couldn't care less about how much money I have right now or ever, because she knows what's important to me is that I continue fighting for my people, and then, I make my decision. I say, "There is one more thing." I see her eyes gloss over with what I've come to know is worry, and then I say, "I want to kiss you, but we both need to go slow or I might end up changing a few of those no's I gave you earlier to a few yes's." I see her look down, at my lips I think, with that blush covering her freckles, see her swallow, and then say, "Okay."

I calculate, based on that forest green I saw three and half minutes ago, I have ten to fifteen minutes to show her how much I want her to stay for at least another five more years, and then we can head back down to that barbecue and my annoying family and friends.

* * *

Hi everyone. I really, really, really, hope this does not feel like a cliffhanger, because things were discussed and resolved. I also didn't want to add anymore knowing if I did I was going to short change the next portion of the story. So, instead, I cut it off at a non-cliffhanger part and will be making the next chapter full and detailed with stuff. Already writing it. Laters.

Oh, and please review with your comments/concerns/questions/complaints.

-Bulma's Ego.


	20. Courts and Nights

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Regarding this chapter: It's a long one. I had to make it so, so it would answer and finish this part of the story as best as possible. It's also *looks at the time* 3:57 AM on a Saturday morning. I don't think there are typos but there might be. Please PM if you got a list of them so I can correct them.

I hope you all like this chapter because I surely did.

REVIEWS:

SG3MagicInk: Yo! You know I gots to do the callbacks. And honestly with as much Boondocks I've been watching it's been hella easy to use those callbacks. I actually felt some sympathy for Cairo in the show, but I still felt he did Huey wrong with how he treated him at the funeral. Yes, we all need an Aunt Cookie in our lives. Yeah, Huey can seem evil because of his desires and cold heartedness so I hope I'm bringing a new view of that here. Oh, and about the repetition/recap (even though we kind of talked about this already), I'm thinking about including some of the convo that happens here that the current POV wasn't apart of. Let me know what you think.

ThickBlackGirl: I hope you like what you read in the next chapter because it answers your requests/questions. Thank you for your support. You are literally awesome, and I LOVE GANGSTER LOVE.

CHAPTER 20:

After we're done Jazmine says she needs to go to the restroom. I wait for her in the bedroom and estimate she stays in there for two minutes longer than she usually does. She's waiting for the blush covering her freckles to go away. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hope one day she doesn't care how red she gets when she's embarrassed or gets excited because that redness happens to be on the extremely short list of things that do not irritate me about this world. The fact that her hands get colder faster than anyone I know also happens to be on that list. But, this is Chicago and cold here is different than what others would deem as cold so after she comes back to the room I tell her to put on a sweater. She doesn't have to know that shirt is also distracting me from talking with people. She agrees only if I put on my sweater even though there's no possible way I could be cold after what we just did. I see her smile, I exhale, and give in as usual. We walk downstairs to the kitchen and we see Caesar and Hiro sitting in the dining room table.

"Hey" I say. They both look at me, then at Jazmine, then back at me. I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "What's up?" Caesar responds, "We need to talk." I look down at Jazmine and see she's looking up at me, smirking, something I noticed she started doing recently. I look down at those lips I made red a few minutes ago and she mouths, 'You'll tell me later.' She turns to them and says, "I'll let you guys talk." I see her walk out of the kitchen, towards the backyard, and I look back up at Caesar, making sure to not look at those hips as they walk away. I don't think I left a bruise on them, but I won't know unless she tells me.

"Damn you whipped" I hear Caesar say. I roll me eyes and say, "Caesar." He puts his hands up and says, "A'ight, just stating the obvious. But that's not what I wanted to say." I see the smile disappear and he says, "They're here." I feel my eyebrows lower and look at Hiro and he says, "Got here few minutes after me. Just them two." I look back at Caesar and he says, "What we gonna do?" I close my eyes, inhale, and say, "This isn't like when we were kids and if shit goes down I do not want you two getting involved, especially because you Caesar actually live here and will be dealing with their asses after we leave." I hear him start the whining I don't miss, and he says, "Common Hu! I haven't been in a good fight in years and those dicks be getting on my nerves man, thinking they can do whatever the fuck they want!" I open my eyes and see my friend looking down and remember when he called me last year, the day after Jazmine gave me that journal. He asked me how I was doing and I asked how his family and girlfriend were. He said his family was well and he broke up with his girlfriend. They had been dating when I had visited last. I didn't ask why they broke up. That was none of my business. Then Caesar got quiet. Caesar is many things but he's not quiet. I asked if he was alright. He started crying. I didn't know what to do. I almost thought about going to get Jazmine but then remembered they didn't know each other. He did not stop crying for three entire minutes, while I could hear how he trusted her in between the sobs and then the sniffles. I stood there for those three minutes, remembering why I do not trust people, let alone women. After he stopped crying he told me the previous month he found out she had messed around with Dewey. To add acid to that wound, a week later that girl was hanging around Cairo. I had not thought about those two idiots since Moe Jackson's funeral. During the conversation I was strategizing how I could get the money to get on a plane to go beat the crap out of both of them. Caesar knows me better than I'd like because he took me out of my strategizing when he said to not do anything. I didn't respond, just went back to figuring out how fast I could get to Chicago, take care of those two, and leave the same day. I remembered I had some unopened envelopes from family that probably sent money. That money and the money I had saved from small jobs and working around the neighborhood could be enough for at least a one-way flight. Then, I heard Caesar say, "Hu, everyone and their fucken mama knows what happen. If you come and do anything people will think it was my ass. And that shit will get to my mom's." I closed my eyes and exhaled. His mother. Then I heard him say, "Look man. I'ma get them when it can't get back to me. I just gotta lay low for a few months." I inhaled and didn't say anything. I knew he was right. And, I didn't know how to go about making him feel better without just beating those two. So, instead of even trying to make him feel better I said he should focus on the protests he was involved in. I'm sure Jazmine would've said something better, something that could've made him feel better about the situation.

I exhale and say, "Caes." He looks up and I see that look, the one of unfinished business. I know that look all too well. And, I know the only reason he hasn't done anything is because his mother, who's lived in Jamaica for several years now, told him to stop getting into fights or she'd force him to go live with her. He's never hid his distaste of warm weather. In some ways, we're very similar. I continue, "Caes, you know if you get caught," but he cuts me off with, "Hu, it's been almost a year since she" he stops, inhales, and continues, "that shit happened and any beating those two get can't get pin on my ass. They already pissed off 'nough people that I'd be cleared in a minute. And if that shit does come back to me." He stops and this time I see him smirk, like he did the many times we would sneak out of the house to go hand out flyers about the rates of innocent incarcerated black men before anyone in our houses woke up, knowing we were only seven and would be getting an ass whooping the moment we got home for going out when it was still dark and not telling anyone where we were going. I only found out later that he would drag me into his house before I would leave to my own so his mother could see he had been with me. He says, "I'll say I was defending my friends and you were there." I feel my eyebrows lower knowing where he's going with this and then he says, "And my mom's loves her Huey." I close my eyes, remembering he is also the only person, outside of family, that remembers to call me that week every year. And he's right, his mother for whatever damn reason did act motherly with me.

I exhale, turn to Hiro and say, "Look, you're my friend Hiro and if shit goes down, I'm sure I can handle it, with the help of Caesar and Riley if necessary." I see Caesar dancing in circles out of the corner of my eye, reminding me of a set of hips I can't think of right now. I shake my head and continue, "But Hiro, even though you don't live here anymore, you still got family here and have no real problem with Cairo or Dewey, so don't get involved." I see him cross his arms over his chest and he says, "Man Huey, I 'on't care about having no beef with them. I just wanna try out my newest moves on any homies they bring. I'll let you two have them two fuckers and I'll only jump in if they gots punk ass friends that wanna make it an uneven fight. And you know I'm just visiting family I 'on't even like. So, really, I couldn't give two shits what I leave behind when we leave next week. I'm in." I close my eyes and wonder if whatever god I prayed to for Shabazz that day is having fun at my expense, making me need to strategize even further with these two involved. I open my eyes, exhale and say, "Alright, but if anything happens, it's not going to be in this house."

We walk out to the backyard and they each move towards each side of the yard, scanning the sea of heads. I know Aunt Cookie, Grandad, Sarah, and some of the other aunts and uncles must still be by the grills to my far left. I scan the middle of the yard, see my brother, between a set of small soft blonde braids holding down an afro and another set of blonde braids, talking to some of our cousins. I also see a few feet away from those soft braids the two that were about to hit on her before Caesar got there. I'll have to go over at some point and remind those two idiot cousins of mine she's not available and if they keep looking at her like that I will be carrying out the trash to the sidewalk earlier than I thought. I'm sure Aunt Cookie won't mind if I tell her they were bothering Jazmine. I feel my smirk turning into something else thinking about that. The way Aunt Cookie took a liking to Jazmine and her family. If I did believe feelings, emotions, came from the organ this society calls a heart, I would even say it feels like pieces falling into place in my own. But, I don't believe in those sorts of things. I believe in keeping people that mean something to me safe. I look back out to the sea of heads and then inhale when I see him, towards the far right of the backyard. Next to him I see the other idiot who called himself a revolutionary when we were kids. I look back at the one I used to call my best friend until he headbutt me and see him looking at something to the left. I follow his eyes and feel my temperature rising as they land on that blonde afro.

I feel him next to me and hear him say, "They're to the right. Hiro went to tell Riley." Shit. "We have to get them out of here before something happens," I say and start walking towards them. I know this has to be settled. The funeral fight, the headbutt when I tried to make it right, and now Jazmine. But, I also don't want it happening here or around her. Ten seconds later, reminding me how big Aunt Cookie's backyard actually is when you want to get from one end to the other quickly, I'm in front of him. I see him blink from the direction he's looking, turn to look at me, and see his eyes get big. Recognition and fear. Good. Then I see his eyebrows lower. Anger. Better.

I see that mouth I should be punching for several reasons move and he says, "Huey." I look up and see the anger mixed with fear in those eyes. Then, I hear the other idiot say, "So the revolutionary Huey Freeman is really back in all his corny ass," I look at him and he stops and closes his mouth. I hear Caesar say, "You two aren't supposed to be here. Leave. We can handle this somewhere else." I look back down at the one I'll be watching bleed at some point and he says, "Fine. Been meaning to have a redo of that party boat funeral. I didn't get 'nough of a rematch when you showed up at my house and I broke your weak ass nose." I inhale, trying to relax, remembering we are in Aunt Cookie's backyard and do not want to destroy it. Then, I remember she said she wanted to thank him because that headbutt was the reason she got to touch my nose for the first time. Fifteen minutes ago, she had been kissing it. I also remember this asshole touched her. I feel my temperature rising again, then I hear another voice to my left say, "Yo, the fuck these assholes doing here?" Shit.

"We're taking care of it Riley" I hear Caesar say from my right, probably knowing I have to relax, and my brother never helps in that situation. I hear my brother say, "Nah, nah, after what they did to Cin and Jazzy we're taking care of this shit right now." I see the asshole's eyes open then become slits and he says, "You mean the fine-looking ones from the mall standing ova there?" I inhale and feel my hands shaking. Aunt Cookie's backyard. We are in Aunt Cookie's backyard and I cannot destroy it. I also realize someone turned on the music, possibly trying to distract everyone else from what's happening in the corner of the backyard right now. I hear him say, through gritted teeth, "How the fuck did you two ugly ass niggas get those two fine looking ones?" I feel my temperature at that point, the one where if he says something else about her I will forget who this house belongs to. I see that mouth open one more time and he says, "And do not fucken tell me the Beyoncé looking one belongs to you, you fake ass nigga cuz you don't deserve that kind of sweet ass." Aunt Cookie can buy a new backyard. I take a step up, see that fear in those eyes, then feel a hand on my shoulder, stopping me, or trying to. I feel the push back on my shoulder and hear Caesar say, "We are in your aunt's house Huey. Let's handle this somewhere else." I can feel my hands shaking and I know there is no reversing this. I will kill him in the next minute. I couldn't give two shits that he thinks I don't deserve her, but he will not talk about her ass in any way, shape or form, today or ever. Somewhere in the vicinity I hear the other idiot that's going to get beat at some point by Caesar say, "Yeah, and I still want some alone time with the fine-looking sister of hers." Maybe Riley and Caesar will have to flip a coin on that one. Out of the corner of my eye I see my brother step up and then Hiro get in front of him, pushing Riley back. I'm still focused on the asshole in front of me and the fact that Caesar is still pushing me back, but I can hear my brother saying, "Hiro, let me fucken go. No one talk 'bout Cindy like that. I will fucken kill him."

Damn it. Now I have to handle Riley. Shit. Why did they have to bring Jazmine's sister into this? Jazmine. She wouldn't want us destroying the backyard where Aunt Cookie showed them pictures of us and our parents. Aunt Cookie wouldn't want us destroying the backyard, and possibly the house, where she has reminders of her deceased husband on every window and every wall. I exhale as much air as I can, but I still feel that heat in my chest. I call my brother's name, see him stop trying to push Hiro away, and look down, I'm sure trying to calm down. I look at Caesar and nod. He lets go of my shoulder and moves to my right side again. I look up and see that sometime during the time I stepped up and now, the asshole moved back a foot. I say through gritted teeth, surprised they haven't broken, "Tonight. Three. Courts. Get the hell out of this house."

I see him squint his eyes, trying to figure what his best options are, like that asshole at school did that day. I know he's thinking here would be the better option because there are more people he could use to hide behind. I feel myself getting ready and then hear from my right, "Think about this asshole. You start shit here, in their aunt's house, and out of sheer disrespect for their family's house, they might kill you or the fucken idiot you brought today. At least at the courts they might let you run away." I see him look at Caesar.

After four seconds he says, "Dewey, we leaving." He's not as much of a dumbass as he use to be.

* * *

"Okay, I don't see them. Do you sis?" I say. I mean how hard is it to find such a big afro but there are a lot of tall guys here. Maybe the height is a Freeman thing. I think he said he thought it came from his mom's family. I'll let my bestie know later. "Nah sis I on't see 'em," I hear my sister say. I look over the few heads I can see, but still, don't see them.

"Hello there beautiful" says someone to my right. I turn my head and see a guy with a small afro and bright red eyes. They look like Aunt Cookie's eyes. I exhale. He must be related to her, which means he's related to my bestie and I should be nice.

"Hello" I say and smile what I hope is a friendly smile and not a flirty one. I still don't know what the difference is though. He smiles back and I remind myself to be polite. Another head pops up, this one with cornrows, but not as nice as Riley's. I want to laugh. I braided Riley's hair this morning and I know he really liked how it came out. The one with cornrows says, "Hello there beautiful. My name is Romeo." I feel my eyebrow rise. When did my eyebrows start doing that so much? That's a Huey thing darn it.

I hear my sister say, "You two for real?" I want to laugh so hard. My lovable sister. I see the one with the cornrows look at her and see the Freeman eyebrow rise. Yes, these both must be related to our besties. Then I see him look her up and down and say, "Damn, you sexy white girl." Just as I'm about to insult him for talking like that to my little sister I spot something out of the corner of my eye. I know that afro. "Sis" I say. "Wa boo?" I hear in her sweet voice. "Over there," I say, turn to my right and start walking, like I know where I'm going. I mumble some type of 'excuse me' to those two, which is not very nice of me, but I just want to see him. I think it's been like ten minutes since I saw him in the kitchen and five minutes since Riley left with Hiro, saying he needed to go see some old friends and left us there talking to some of their cousins who left to get some hamburgers a few minutes ago. That's ten whole minutes of not knowing where he is. Why am I doing this? I mean just a few weeks ago I could go for hours without seeing him but now it feels like I just need to make sure he's okay. I inhale. I know why. We're in Chicago and I know there's a lot here that still hurts him. I need to make sure I do everything so that one day this place doesn't hurt my bestie anymore. First, I need to find him.

I keep walking around people. Then, I see him and feel my smile. That tall fifteen-year-old boy, going on to sixteen in a few months, with that broad back and already taller than most of his family members at almost six feet, at least last time I checked his ID, wearing a black Wu-Tang Clan zipper hoodie that I got him at the mall a few days ago. I showed it to him that night, after everyone was asleep. I brought out the bag and told him I got him something. He had pursed his lips the way I think makes him look adorable and asked why. I didn't know what to say. He seemed uncomfortable. I've gotten him gifts before but those were for his birthdays and this one was just because I thought about him when we were at the mall. I know he doesn't like surprises, so I told him it was just a sweater for the barbecue. He wouldn't accept it. He kept saying he didn't need anything, and he had plenty of sweaters but then I gave him that look he can't say no to and he took the bag, opened it, and I saw the smirk. He never talks about music he likes or artists he's into I think because he doesn't think it'll help him in bettering the black community. He sticks to education and politics. So, those few times he does talk about a song he likes because of the lyrics or how active that artist is in bettering the black community, I try to remember those musicians. Now I even save them in my note pad on my phone. Wu-Tang Clan is on that list. I feel my smile getting bigger seeing that sweater on him. Black looks good on him, but so does that white t-shirt under the sweater that I got to put my hands on when we were upstairs. Always with dark jeans and converse. This time, black converse.

I start feeling flushed and I look down. I mean I really should not be checking him out like that, specially in Aunt Cookie's house. Looking down I see that we're on the pavement part of the backyard. I think most of the clusters of people are on the grassy side. I hear my sister say, "Sis, think they be talking to some friends. Should we go?" I purse my lips not knowing. Wait, who are they talking to? I look back up again and see there are some guys around my bestie. I see Caesar's dreadlocks on the guy next to him. I also see Riley on his other side with those nice cornrows that pass his shoulders and I know my sister secretly likes. But where's Hiro? Then I see him. He was standing in front of Riley it looks like and just moved to his side. I look back at that broad back I started with, thinking maybe we should come back, but then I see a fade over my bestie's shoulder on someone that's standing in front of him. I squint to see it better, but then that fade moves, and I see a guy walking around Caesar. It's that guy. Cairo. He's walking towards us. Maybe he hasn't seen us. I turn to my sister and see she's eyeing something in that direction, so I look back and see that other guy that was flirting with her, Dewey, right behind Cairo. I turn to her again and say, "Sis, I don't want to see them. Let's go." She inhales and says, "Same sis." She turns and I start following her, two steps, and then I feel a hand on my back. No. How's that even possible? Did they run to us when they saw us? I hear him say, "Where you going Jazzy?"

I turn around and see Cairo. Now that I see him a second time I think he's only about an inch or two shorter than Huey. My bestie. I look over at him and see he hasn't turned around. Good. Maybe I can make this guy leave and there won't be a problem in Aunt Cookie's house. "Leave now" I say. I see him look me down and feel my lips pursing. He says, "'Bout to but why don't you come with? Your man's gonna get a beating tonight anyways so best leave with me now." Beating? My man? Huey? What? I start to panic. I hear him say, "What? You wanna show at the courts to see it yourself and then leave with me? Just show your fine self 'bout 3:30 and we take off. Shit, you might even show as the beating be ending. See him for the punk bitch he is." My mind is trying to catch up with everything. The courts? A fight? No Jazmine. Don't panic. Talk to your bestie first. I exhale, relax, and remember, he's not just my best friend and boyfriend, he's Huey Freeman. I look at him and say, "Even if there is ever a fight, remember you're dealing with Huey Freeman here. He's the best fighter I know, and you'll be sorry if you ever try anything with him."

I see his eye twitch. He's mad I think. I need to get him out of here. Maybe threatening him, even though I don't like doing that to people, but this is about making sure nothing happens in Aunt Cookie's house. "Now leave before you get hurt" I say. I see him smile and then start snickering. "Ma sis said to leave, now" I hear my sister say to my right. I see that other guy, Dewey, move over in front of my sister. I start getting nervous. I want them to leave. I hear that guy say, "Cindy, seem like I'ma have to fight the dick with the cornrows ova there cuz he thinks you belong to his ass, but I'll beat him for you baby." I feel my eyebrow rise. Riley? I hear my sister say, "You don't gotta now what we are, but I tell you now you touch him, and I'll kill you."

I see Cairo smile again and now I am nervous. Why won't they leave? He says, "Damn Jazzy, everything 'bout you cute. But that ass and those hips. Damn." I feel my eyes get big. I got those from my mom and no one talks about them. "Don't you talk about me like that" I say. I see him smirk and wonder how heavy he is. He looks lighter than Derek. If I need to I will use it. It's a new move but I will. I wiggle my toes and remember I'm wearing my converse.

I look out of the corner of my eye again and this time I see Caesar looking at us and then see his eyes get big. No. I look back at Cairo and say, "Leave now. I want to avoid a fight so just go." I see him bite his lower lip and he says, "A'ight but you coming with." I feel my eyebrow rise, confused. Then I see his hand come up towards me. I close my eyes and remember. It was during those two weeks before we came. Huey and Riley wanted to keep working with us on our defense moves.

"_Bestie I'm tired" I say. He looks up from his sitting position where he's been meditating. I did catch him with his eyes open looking at us training, specifically looking at my butt, which only made me lose concentration and would make Riley mad. Riley actually gets mad when he's training us and we're not paying attention. _

_I see him exhale, looking at me with those dark burgundy eyes. I see those lips move and he says, "Okay, but you need to show me you can do it." I look up to the night sky in their backyard and wonder if Santa, since I started believing in him a little more again, put me on his naughty list and now he's punishing me. _

_I look back down and say, "Okay, we'll you gotta get up." He gives me that smirk only I can see and says, "I'm too heavy for that move. You could get hurt. It's meant for attackers that weigh less than 150 pounds. Riley." I look over and see my sister punch Riley's palm. He looks up and says, "Yeah." I hear Huey say, "After they show us they can do it we're done for the night." I see Riley nod. I like Riley like this. I love his fun side a lot to, but when he's this serious it reminds me that my sister's well protected. _

_My sister does it first, pulling it off perfectly. When she's done I smile and whisper, "Cindy wins. Flawless victory." I can't help but start laughing. I feel that warmth, look to my right and then look up and see him, looking at me. When did we get this close? Wasn't he a few feet away from me just right now? I see that flicker as his eyes go from burgundy to something darker. I wonder what color they turn to later at night. Does is stay purple or is it something even prettier? _

_I hear my sister's light footsteps, I look straight ahead again, and she says, "Your turn sis. 'Member look at your watch even though we 'on't use 'em." I laugh again, nod, and walk up to Riley. I stand at arm's length, facing him, where most attacks start. "You ready Jazzy?" He says. I want to smile at how much I love that he calls me that again but right now is not the right time. I nod and exhale. He puts his hands up then moves his right hand to grab my left shoulder. _

I feel it all in slow motion even though I know it's going faster when I feel his hand on my shoulder. I step forward with my right foot, put my left arm under that arm that's grabbing my shoulder, and grab his sleeve as soon as I feel it, making sure my thumb is pointing at his body. I pull him into me, bringing my left elbow up, turning my head and body to the left to look at my left wrist where I would have a watch. I bring my right arm underneath the armpit of his right arm into a 45-degree angle, feeling it touch that thumb that's pointing at his body, breathe, step back with my left foot almost like a ballet move I learned years ago, throw my hip in just a bit, bend my knees, and turn.

I hear the thud and then a groan. I open my eyes and see him on the ground, below me. I let go of that sleeve, stand up straight, and don't feel any pain on my back. No pain. It worked. It worked. I mean it worked on Riley and I think this guy weighs about the same, so it should've worked. But wait, isn't this guy older than Riley so why would they weigh the same? And doesn't Riley look thinner, more fit? Huey said weight can also be in muscle mass. Maybe Riley is really fit. Maybe that's another Freeman thing. And why do I go off on tangents all the time?

"Damn sis!" I hear from my left. I blink hearing that sweet voice of hers and look around. I guess I turned completely around with that move. I look up and see mom looking at us from the grills, along with some of the adults and some of Huey's cousins and friends. I should feel embarrassed and I kind of do, but I'm really proud to.

"Jazmine" I hear, and I cringe. I look to my right and see him looking down at me. I smile and say, "Hi bestie." I see that beautiful left eyebrow rise. I didn't kiss his eyebrows upstairs. "Damn Jazzy, you messed him up! I taught Jazzy and C-Murph that move! I did!" I hear in Riley's voice, noticing that he really is watching his language here, but I can't seem to look away from these Freeman eyes that are looking down at me right now.

Then, I hear from behind me, "Fucken Beyoncé looking hoe, but fuck that ass is hot." I see those Freeman eyes I'm staring at look away from me. He looks down and I see his body move forward so I grab his hand and I feel him stop. I look over my shoulder and see that guy I just flipped standing up with help from his friend. He stands, pushes his friend away, and says, "I'm fine nigga. This shit still happening tonight." I look back at Huey, see that smirk that I know I'm the only one that can see, feel his temperature rising, then see those lips move and he says, "Tomorrow night. Your ass just landed on your back. I want this to be fair. I'll give you a day to recover and get your shit together."

I look back at that guy, see him inhale, and look at me. I squint my eyes and step even closer to Huey, feel him squeeze my hand, actually squeeze my hand, and I relax. I realize somewhere in the last minute it went from me holding his hand to him holding mine, probably to not start a fight in his aunt's house. I see that guy raise his chin, turn around, and walk slowly to the door, followed by his friend.

"Baby are you okay?" I hear to my left. I turn to my mom and see her big blue eyes. I didn't notice how pretty she looks with her hair in a pony tail. Now that her hair's longer she can do pony tails. I think she only kept her hair short because Tom was so controlling. She's wearing a small dark blue t-shirt, loose fitting light blue jeans, and black and white checkered vans. My sister picked the shirt and I picked the shoes when we were at the mall. I can't help but smile at how pretty she is.

I see those two long braids run up to our mom, grab her arm, and start jumping up and down like the ten-year-old we can both be and hear her say, "Mama did you see that? Did you see ma sis flip him ova like that? That sh, I means, that was awesome mama!" I see mom look at Cindy and I see that smile tugging at our mom's face. I think Cindy's laugh also makes our mom feel happy. I see her smile now, exhale, shake her head, look at me, then back at my sister, and she says, "I did raise strong girls didn't I? And with those two boys teaching you those sort of things, I know I don't have to worry as much." She inhales, looks back at me, and she says, "I want to know more later though." I smile knowing what 'later' means with her. She continues, "Now come on. Aunt Cookie and Grandad want to know you two are okay." I inhale. Aunt Cookie.

I start walking forward behind my sister and mom and feel that hand I was holding letting go. I stop, look back, and see him looking at me. I remember that look. The one I didn't recognize. The one he gave me when I told him he looked like his dad in that picture. I can see it better now. He's sad. That's what that look is. Sadness. Why though? Was he not happy that I defended myself? But, that guy, Cairo, tried grabbing me. Cairo. Cairo used to be his best friend. And, no matter how much people, even Huey himself, think that Huey doesn't feel, he does feel. A lot. You can see that by how passionate he is about everything he does.

I turn around completely, walk up to him, squeeze that hand that I almost let go of, and say, "You're my best friend Huey. But, he used to be your best friend, when you lived here." I see his eyes focus on me, waiting, like he did at the hospital and in my room after he kissed me the first time. I tell him, "You have permission to feel sad about that." I see his eyes flicker to that dark burgundy, reminding me it's getting late and he's been talking to people all evening. I smile and say, "But first, we need to feed you." I turn back, see my sister and mom by the grills with Aunt Cookie and Grandad, noticing how close my sister and Riley are standing next to each other, pull on that hand I'm holding, feel it move with me, and start walking to the grills.

As we walk up to the adults I look down, feeling nervous. Is Aunt Cookie going to be mad? I just flipped a guy on his back in her backyard. Then, I feel that warmth behind me a little closer and I realize he's letting me hold his hand in public. I feel my smile tugging at my face. I look up and see Aunt Cookie. As we get closer I walk right up to her. I exhale and start, "Aunt Cookie I'm sorry," but I stop when I hear her laugh. She's laughing. I feel my eyes get big as I hear that hearty laugh. Once she stops she says, "Oh stop that sweetheart, that was in no way your fault. I know the boys around here more than they think I do. Now you come sit down and tell us about that fundraiser my baby Riley and Cindy love are telling us about."

I remember that's kind of what Ms. Lola said the day we met. That was also the first day I saw my bestie smile, I think ever, and the day I decided I was ready for the next part of my life while we sat on our hill in Woodcrest. Right now, we're standing in Aunt Cookie's backyard in Chicago and I just flipped a guy that tried touching me. It's been just a little over six months since that day on our hill and so much has changed. I squeeze that hand I'm holding and then hear a voice to my right say, "Jazzy give the money to some animal saving hustle." I turn to that voice and say, "PETA is not a hustle Riley."

After that it was nice. Some of Huey and Riley's aunts and uncles asked my sister and I who taught us those moves. Riley didn't let them finish before he was telling them how he taught us everything we know. After it started getting late Aunt Cookie and Grandad went inside to rest and mom and Caesar's uncle started taking some of the food into the kitchen.

I call my sister's name and see her blue eyes look over at me from Huey and Riley's cousin Loretta. Apparently Loretta also plays basketball for her high school. I love that my sister's already making friends here. I say, "I'm going to help mom take some of the extra food in but just hang out okay?" I look down at the table trying to decide on what to take first and then hear my sister say, "Sis I can help." I look up, smile at her, and say, "Sis talk to Loretta and have fun. This will be easy between mom, me, and Leo." She gives me that beautiful smile and turns back to Loretta.

I guess I can start with the all the hamburger meat since it looks like everyone ate already. I feel my smile remembering after we all started talking about the fundraiser I left to go grill a few patties for him. Luckily mom knew to get some veggie hamburger meat when she went to get extra things this morning at the grocery store. I love that she thinks about Huey so much, like he's almost a son to her. I start feeling my face get warm. I shake my face and look back down at the table with all the hamburger meat. What was I thinking about? Oh yes, after I grilled the veggie patties he ate three burgers. I knew he hadn't eaten because of talking to people and then the Cairo thing. Cairo. I pushed that thought out of my mind the moment he left. I just didn't want to think about it, knowing what would happen if I did. I know something's going to happen between Huey and Cairo tomorrow night and as much as I want to stop it I know it has to do with their past, something I'm not part of. It also scares me. It scares me. No, stop it Jazmine. I start feeling that heaviness in my lungs. No. Not right now. I'm sure I can talk to him about it later and make him not go or let me go with him. Breathe. Breathe Jazmine. I need to focus on right now. Huey ate. I'm glad he ate. I know that food gave him the energy he needed to keep talking to family and friends. I look up at the backyard and see it's not as full as it was earlier. I also see that afro talking to an aunt and uncle of his I think. I turn back to the table, grab two of the bags with patties, and start walking towards the kitchen. Then, I see a guy step in front of me, blocking my path. I look up at two bright red eyes. The guy that was talking to my sister and me before we went off to look for Huey and Riley.

I give him a small smile and say, "Excuse me." He smiles back and says, "I never got your name beautiful." I open my mouth and then close it. I can't imagine what he wants but I know he's Huey's relative so I should be nice. "Okay, well my name is Jazmine and I don't want to be rude but I'm trying to get to the kitchen" I say. He says, "You here all by yourself Jazmine?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Well, I'm here with Huey and Riley." I still don't know if Huey wants his family to know about us or anything about his personal life. He says, "Yeah, I know they brought you and your sis ova there." I look over at my sister, see her arms crossed over her chest, looking down with her lips pursed, annoyed at that other guy that was trying to talk to us. I guess they decided to try to talk to us separately thinking we need each other to deal with boys like them. I exhale.

I realize I'm tired and not in the mood for this. I know these two guys are family and I should be nice, but I just don't want to be. Also, I used to be nicer, more complacent I think people call it. What happened? I remember one of my quirks when I was little was how annoyed I would get when I was tired. I still have to apologize to Huey one day for almost biting his head off when he was sitting on his soap box next to my lemonade stand. I can't believe I asked him if he thought horses grew on trees. Huey. That's why I'm tired and don't feel like being nice right now. I'm worried about him. I'm trying not to but I'm thinking about the Cairo thing right now and it's making me anxious. I'm worried. I can't imagine how he feels. I shake my head. Focus Jazmine. You'll talk to your bestie about this later.

I look back at Huey's cousin, at least I think that's what he is, and say, "Okay, well that's good that you know that, but I really need to get to the kitchen, so please excuse me." I move around him towards the kitchen. I see him move in front of me again and I look to the side and exhale. He says, "Look Jazmine, I just wanna take you out to show you 'round the city. I mean I know you ain't from here and I know my cousins ain't taking you 'round." I open my mouth but close it again. Yes, that's true, but that's because this city is kind of painful to my bestie. Yes, I want to see more of the city, but I don't have to if it's going to be hard for him. And, maybe one day, we will do that sightseeing stuff, but for now I just want to spend time with him, even if it's just in Aunt Cookie's kitchen, laughing and telling her stories about the fundraiser and the kickball game and Riley's bad basketball days and my sister's initiating into the Lethal Interjection Crew. That's what's important to me. Making sure to always have my family and friends, together and happy, and I don't care if that sounds childish anymore.

"I'm not interest but thank you," I say and move around him again and start walking to the kitchen. Then I hear, "It's cuz I'm black huh?" I stop. Really? I turn around and see his eyebrow raised. I start, "Why would you even say something like" but I stop, blink, and say, "You know what. I'm not defending myself." I turn around and start walking back to the kitchen. Then I see him again move in front of me. I exhale. Is this what it felt like for my bestie when he was trying to get to the kitchen?

"Look Jazmine, then if it ain't that, give me a chance. I just wanna take you 'round, maybe some dinners, the movies, I 'on't know," he says. I can feel my anger starting to disappear. He's being nice. I inhale and say, "Look um." He smiles and says, "Mario." Oh, the guy Caesar protected me from. I give him a small smile again and say, "Mario, I actually have a boyfriend." He squints those red eyes he somehow got from Aunt Cookie and says, "Your man must be a fool to let you come to Chi-Town with my cousins looking like you do?" I feel my eyebrows rise and say, "I don't think my boyfriend would like you calling him that so I'm just going to walk away now." I walk around his other side now, exhale happy that I'm at the house now, and then see him step in front of the screen door that leads to the kitchen.

"Look Mario, I told you I have a boyfriend" I say. And these bags in my hands are getting heavy. "Come on Jazmine, he must not be that into you if he letting you come here without him," he says. I roll my eyes and look down trying to figure out if I can go under his arm and get into the kitchen that way.

"No one said I didn't come. Now get stepping before I forget we're related" I hear in that monotone voice. I look behind me and then up and see Huey. I feel myself smile at him and I realize I hadn't felt myself smile for real since the moment I started thinking about Cairo and the possible fight. I look at those lips as he says, "And because I haven't forgotten we are cousins, I suggest you go get your dumbass brother over there trying to talk to my girlfriend's sister before Riley kicks his ass." I look over and see my sister still looking annoyed with that guy talking to her and then see those clean cornrows walking over to them. I feel my eyes get big. Then I see Mario's back as he's stomping towards them, mumbling something about 'course they're their damn girlfriends'.

I step forward towards my sister and Riley and then feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I wonder why I didn't wear an off-shoulder sweater today. Jazmine focus. Oh yes, my sister. I say, "Huey we should go help." I look back and see him looking at me with tired eyes. I turn around completely to look at him and feel that warm hand leaving my shoulder. "Jazmine, I" he starts, then closes his mouth. He must be tired. First, having to talk to so many people he hasn't seen in years, then the Cairo thing, and now this thing with his cousin. I also remember he was trying to get to the kitchen earlier, probably to relax. I look away from those tired eyes and look around. I think he's talked to just about everyone and I know he's done it for both himself and Riley who was mostly talking to the same people the entire night. Riley. My sister. I look back at them and see that my little sister is talking to Riley now, smirking at him while he's looking away with a tint on those cheeks that I now know, after that picture, are Freeman cheeks. I see those two cousins that were flirting with us walking away from them. I feel myself breathe.

I turn back around, see Huey still looking at me, waiting. He's so lost here, in this place, even if he's surrounded by people that care about him. I know my bestie. He's good at strategizing and coming up with big plans to make things happen, like getting Shabazz out of prison even if that didn't happen because Grandad couldn't give him a ride that night. But, he's not good with small things, like small talk, even if it's with family. I smile again at him and say, "Come on bestie." I see him exhale, giving me his form of a yes, so I start walking into the kitchen and feel his warmth keeping me safe as we walk into the house.

We walk into the kitchen and I see mom and Caesar's uncle talking. I remember Caesar saying he might move up to Woodcrest if his uncle takes a job up there. Hopefully. "Mama" I say quietly. She turns to me and smiles that beautiful smile that now makes me think of my sister. I continue, "I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to know where you put the meat so I can put these two bags away." She says, "Bottom drawer in the freezer baby." I nod, give her a small smile, and go to the freezer. As I open the freezer I hear Caesar's uncle say, "Huey, you look tired. Why don't you go rest and I'll tell everyone you went to lay down?" There's silence for a few seconds and then I hear, "I'm fine. I just need to sit for a few minutes and then I can go back out there." I close the freezer, turn around, see my mom walk up to Huey, smile at him and hear her say, "Huey, you look really tired and as Jazmine's mother I am asking you to go rest. Ten, fifteen minutes, a few hours. I don't care. Just go rest." I see Huey look at my mom and then look away, with that look again. I wonder if spending time with my mom and having her treat him like that makes him sad thinking about his mom. Focus Jazmine. Take care of my bestie. I walk up to him, grab his hand, look at my mom and Caesar's uncle and say, "Thanks mom. Thanks Leo. We'll be in the living room." My mom smiles at me and says, "Good. Leo and I will help bring the rest of the food in." I see my mom look back at Caesar's uncle, who I notice smiles every time he looks at her. She walks around me, squeezes my other hand, let's go, and then walks out the kitchen with Caesar's uncle following her.

"Jazmine I'm fine" he starts but I cut him off with, "No. You're resting Huey." I tug that hand and we start walking through the kitchen towards the living room. I wonder when he started letting me pull him like this. I mean we used to do it as kids and stopped when I stopped holding his hand, but for the last year or maybe longer we started doing it again. I smile feeling the warmth on my face but don't bother hiding it because it's just Huey and me right now. Once we get to the living room I say, "You find us something to watch and I'll go make us some tea." He starts, "Jazmine, we're not going to sleep," but I cut him off again with, "I didn't say sleepy time tea bestie. Now find something we can watch that can help you relax okay."

I leave him and go back to the kitchen. After making the tea I come back with two cups. He's sitting on the couch, with CNN on the screen. I see him looking at that stained-glass panel. I have to remember to ask him why he likes it so much. I see him turn slowly to me and then he does that again. He looks me up and down. I swallow, walk up to him and give him one of the cups. He thanks me, sips it, and looks up at me with big eyes. I don't think I've ever seen him look so surprised. He opens his mouth and says, "How did you," but I answer right away with, "Aunt Cookie taught me how to make regular tea like this. It's different from how my grandma makes it. It's spicier. It has a different kind of flavor because of it, almost warm. The color is also different, almost maroon." I try to not think about how this tea reminds me of the color of his morning eyes. He closes his mouth and doesn't respond.

I look over at the TV as I sip the tea with honey and spice. I say, "Bestie I said something that can help you relax." I put down my tea on the table I'll be using as a nightstand later tonight, sit on the couch, grab the Roku control and find the movie on our amazon account, already bought and saved in our account years ago, press start, take off my shoes and fold my legs under my butt. Out of the corner of my eye I see Huey stand up. I look up and see him move around to my other side. I smile, looking down. He wants to sit in the same position we always sit when we're in my house, closest to the door, just in case there's an intruder. I see him put his cup on the same table where my cup is, then sit down to my right. He sits and then I feel that muscular arm behind my back and his large hand on my hip. I remember upstairs all we did was kiss. We sat next to each other on the bed and just kissed with his hands on my hips and only on my hips. We want to go slow. We both do. We were best friends just last month. We still are best friends. I hear the narrator start the movie with 'the battle between heaven and hell has waged eternal. All the dark lord needs now is a great soldier.' I smile, remember this is what's important, and I'll do what I can to make him not go to that fight or go with him. But for now, I'll just put my head on his shoulder.

* * *

"But why can't we go bestie? We'll stay out of sight, promise" I say for the fiftieth time. "Come on Riles. We won't do shit" my sister says. I see the Freeman brothers look at each other, talking again without words, then they turn back to us. I hear Huey and Riley say "No" at the same time. I inhale, look at my sister to my right, and see her eyes focus on me, knowing we're going even if they don't want us to go. But we have to find out where it's going to happen. I look back at Huey and say, "Huey just tell us where it's going to happen so we're not as worried." He looks at me, I count seven seconds, and then he says, "No." I close my eyes. Don't get hurt Jazmine. This is different. He's worried about us going because he thinks we might get involved in the fight somehow. But, I don't trust that guy. Cairo. He said the courts. The courts. I know Huey told me about a park where he met that girl. Is that where the courts are? How far is that park? Where is it? I hear my sister say, "Riles, if you don't tell me I swear" but I cut her off when I open my eyes and grab her hand. I look over at her and shake my head. She closes her eyes. I know my sister's temper is a lot better than when we first met but she still needs to work on it.

"We're leaving in the morning" I hear in that monotone voice. I look back up at those eyes and feel my fears creeping in. He's going to be in some fight, and I can't even see him before he goes. I bite my lower lip. I need to relax. I feel my anxiety rising and I want to cry. What if he gets hurt? What if? I feel my sister squeezing my hand now, sharing her strength with me I think. It works. I look away knowing I want to cry but don't let the tears fall.

"No" I hear myself say. Just like in front of the school where I got the courage to say what I needed to say. I need to say this. "Jazmine" he starts. "No Huey" I say again. I look up, know my eyes are red but I can't stop it. "Huey, if you're going to some fight you need to rest before you go. You both need a full night sleep and you need to eat here in this house. You can leave after we have lunch tomorrow, but not before." I just turned fifteen a few months ago and I know I sound older than that right now but he's my best friend and I need to be mature for him right now. I stand up from the couch, holding my sister's hand and feel her stand up with me. As soon as I'm up I swallow, hoping my tears won't fall. "Cindy, Jazzy, we gotta" Riley starts. "Riley" my sister says. I look over and see the tears on her face, looking down. My little sister. Riley is her best friend to. "You ain't going nowhere until after you'll eat lunch a'ight. And you both sleeping in." I exhale some of that fear I think.

That night, as soon as I laid down on the couch I looked up at the ceiling. I didn't want to look at him because I knew I would just start to worry and then might start crying again like I did in the restroom when I was brushing my teeth. I know my eyes are puffy and he knows I was crying but I couldn't stop it. I feel like this anxiety of not seeing him for half a day before he's going to be in some fight is too much for me. But why? I've seen him fight before. When I saw him fight Uncle Ruckus and all those times with Riley when I walked into a mess in their house and then once at school when he beat up a kid for making fun of me. But, those were just small fights that I knew he could win. This one's different. I don't know that guy, Cairo. Yes, I flipped him over, but he was caught off guard and I'm sure growing up here he can at least fight well. And he doesn't seem like the kind of person to fight fair. What if he brings friends, lots of friends? Huey. And I won't see him for most of the day before he goes. My bestie. He's done so much to protect my mom, my sister, me. I. I. I just can't think of anything happening to him. I can't. What if? What if? I feel it. No. Not right now. The avalanche. I can't. Breathe Jazmine.

I feel something warm over my hand. I look down and see his hand holding mine. I look over to my right and feel the tears coming down, but at least the avalanche hasn't started. I breathe and see he's not facing me, just lying in the same position he does every night. I remember he's a fighter. I breathe some more. The best one I know. Probably one of the top fighters in the state and maybe the country. I feel my breathing slowing down. He's been through so much already. But he's also my best friend. Can I help him? I look at the black TV screen. I know we're in Chicago and he's going to fight his ex-best friend. How can I help? I think about how he opened up to me about Chicago and his mom's family. That day he needed stability from me. We were just best friends back then. I'm starting to get this feeling, getting to know Huey these last few months, as he keeps opening up to me little by little, that he will always need that one thing from me that everyone thinks he has so much of. Stability. I need to give him stability. First, I need to not cry right now. I feel myself breathing at a normal rhythm now. I turn my entire body to my right. I swallow and whisper, "I'm okay bestie." I feel him let go of my hand slowly. I close my eyes, exhale, knowing I am tired.

But, is he tired? I open my eyes, blink the last of the tears away, and feel my eyes get big seeing where he is now. I'm sure he was further away just a second ago. Did he scoot up to be closer to me? Has he been doing that every night when I imagined his head scooting closer to me? I've been massaging his head feeling the warm afro between my fingers every night. Has he been awake while I do that? I feel my cheeks getting warm feeling embarrassed. I've massaged his head while we're awake, I've kissed him, and I've held his hand, all things boyfriend and girlfriends do. But, massaging his head at night while we sleep here is not something we talk about. It's intimate. It's also something I do every night, thinking he's asleep. It's a routine. I exhale. It's stability. I inhale. I know he's awake. I know what he needs. I'm still not sure if he actually scooted up closer, but I need to this for him because this is what he needs. I bring my left hand up, move it out off the couch, and drag my hands through the back of his head into the top of his head. I close my eyes, actually feel him scoot up closer by a little, smile into the darkness, and say, "Goodnight warm brain." I hear him exhale and say, "Goodnight Jazzy." He calls me that when we're alone or when he's not thinking, and now I can add to that list, or when he's tired.

That night I dreamed of flipping guys over and having fun playing with the bb guns in Huey and Riley's backyard with my sister. I dreamed of all the connections we would have to protect our best friends if we were in Woodcrest because of Ed and Rummy. I dreamed of my sister having a movie moment and telling a guy her bb gun was real. I dreamed of sleeping on plane flights and a big breakfast where my bestie and his brother's aunt embarrassed them. I dreamed of standing next to my best friend while he faced off his past. I dreamed of Riley defending my little sister's honor. I dreamed of tea with honey and spice and a woman that went through something terrible that came out of it to help raise two really strong and caring boys and helped my mom forgive herself for not leaving a horrible man sooner. I dreamed of a woman that told me that my best friend wanted me without saying it in those words. I dreamed that I wanted action and not descriptions anymore.

I open my eyes, look up, and see the ceiling in Aunt Cookie's living room. I turn to my right and see my best friend asleep on the floor, facing me with that smooth forehead and his parted lips slowly inhaling and exhaling. We made them turn off their alarms so they could both sleep in. I also knew even though he's stressed he was tired from yesterday and would sleep in. Then, I see long blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. I sit up and see my sister sitting at the bottom of the stair case, looking at me. I see the bags under her eyes. She gives me a small smile and I smile back. I grab my phone behind me, look at the time, look back at her, and nod.

Once we're in the backyard, sitting in those chairs full of history and love, I say, "How'd you sleep sis?" She looks at me and I can see those blue eyes a little lighter than usual. It's rare, but I know my little sister and I know that means she's really tired, unable to focus. "Bad" she says. I say, "I know." I look up at the dark sky, feel myself smirk, exhale, and say, "I dreamed about us having the connections we have in Woodcrest and our bb guns." I feel her touch my knee, so I look down and she says, "I dreamed 'bout a park Riles told me 'bout years ago where they used to play ball here." I smile and I see her smile with that darker ocean blue returning to her eyes. I ask, "Can you call them right now?" She responds with that 'beans' smile, "They owe me some so I can call whenever." I hug her and say into her long hair, "We also need black." I feel her hands hugging me, hear her sniffle, and hear her say, "Yeah sis. We do."

We hear the screen door open and then that warm voice say, "You two angels want to help making tea this morning?" I pull away from my sister and see her smile. We get up and follow Aunt Cookie back into the house.

* * *

"When will you be back?" I ask. "Jazmine" he starts, but I cut him off with, "No Huey, just tell me when." I feel him shift next to me as we sit next to each other on the couch. Seven seconds later and I hear him say, "No later than four." I exhale and say, "Okay." I feel him shift again and then feel that warmth leave my side. I start feeling anxious again. Relax Jazmine. He told me a long time ago that he became a black belt at ten years old. Ten. That's almost six years ago. I exhale.

I hear the footsteps as he's walking away from me. I inhale. What do I say? I know there's a good chance he's not going to get hurt but there's still a chance he will. And, this is Chicago. And that guy Cairo will probably have guys and possibly weapons. I close my eyes. Stop Jazmine. Stop thinking about that. Everything works out in the end. I open my eyes and then feel them get big as I see Huey's face. I didn't hear him walking back. He's stealthy. He's strong. I feel my anxiety going away. I see him open his mouth and close it. I move in and kiss his lower lip, holding it, move away, and then kiss his upper lip. I move away and see his eyes are closed. He opens them, looks at me with those red almost light burgundy eyes. I know no matter how well it looks like he's handling this, it's hard for him. That used to be his best friend. I ask, "What bestie?" I see him swallow, open his mouth and close it. I wait. I don't count this time. I know whatever it is he wants to say is important enough for me to not count the seconds.

He opens his mouth and says, "I don't," he stops, exhales, and continues, "Believe people are good. Too many environmental factors make it so. And, I don't think I will ever believe people are good." He stops, and then says, "But I do believe that as long as I'm around no one will ever hurt you again." I inhale. He still feels guilty about Tom. I'm starting to think I can't make Huey feel the way I want him to feel, but I can maybe remind him that there's laughter and good in this world no matter how he feels. I move my hands up, grab his cheeks and say, "I know that's why you don't want us to go. You think people are bad and because of that you think it'll get ugly and you don't want my sister or me to see that. I get it Huey. Just," I stop, look down, exhale, look back up at him and continue, "Make sure you get back here by three thirty instead of four so you can keep protecting me and so I can keep protecting you from girls that don't care about you." I see that light burgundy now in those almond shaped eyes. It's probably pass two. They stayed longer than they said they would.

"Huey" I hear in Riley's voice. I look over to the staircase and see my little sister next to Riley, touching her arm with his. I love that those two always make me smile.

* * *

I have to stop looking at my phone, but I can't. "Jazzy." What if they changed the time? "Jazzy." What if they changed the place? What if they changed the day? "Jazzy." What if they bring more guys? What if they bring…

"Sis!" I hear my sister say. I look up to my left and see my sister looking at me, worried. I smile. At least I didn't go so far into my fears where I came back to her hugging me. Then, I feel her hugging me. I feel my smile get bigger, I relax, and hug her back. I whisper, "Sis, we're prepared as best we can and more important than that, we know them. We know our best friends. You know Huey's been a black belt since before we all started at J. Edgar Hoover. You know Riley is the best street fighter we know." I hear her laugh into my shoulder at that. I hear her whisper, "I just on't want anyone getting hurt sis." I exhale and say, "I know sis and that's what we're going to make sure about." My phone starts vibrating. We pull away and look at each other. I see the 'beans' smile and hear her say, "Let's go pull out the roscoe."

The door opens and our mom walks in looking at her phone, I'm sure at information she can use if she needs to. She closes the door, looks up at us, and says, "Sweethearts I still don't know about this." I hear my sister say, "Mama we tol' you we would tell you if we couldn't handle. Now, we can handle, but if it get ugly we will call." I see my mom inhale, look down, and then say, "I just want you to be careful. If it gets bad." She stops, looks back up, and I can see the tears at the corner of her eyes. I grab my sister's hand, stand up, walking up to our mom and say, "Mama, we have what we need and if it gets bad we will call." She says, "Okay, but I am picking you up at exactly three thirty, unless you text or call, not a minute later." She exhales, grabs my right shoulder and my sister's left shoulder and says, "Well I know exactly who this Cairo Johnson is and if anything happens he's going to Texas." I laugh and hear my sister laughing with me. I look up and see mom smiling and then says, "Make sure to flip anyone and everyone okay? Now let's go so you two can bring those boys home." I look at my sister and squeeze her hand.

* * *

"Do you see them sis?" I whisper feeling like I need to say déjà vu after that. "Nah sis I 'on't see 'em" I hear her whisper back to me. I exhale and whisper back, "Okay, let's just set up before they get here." I hear my sister say, "A'ight. Riles said to always be downhill or whateves so we can look down." I see her blue eyes look up, squint, and then hear her say, "Up there sis." I look up in the direction she's looking and feel my smirk.

After we get up I look down and feel my smirk turn into a smile. "Damn sis. That shit was hard" I hear my sister say. I laugh and say, "Good thing we practiced in our backyard so much and fell off so many times." I hear her laugh and hear her say, "You right sissy and good thing we got our asses here early." I love when she calls me sissy. Focus Jazmine. I hear a phone vibrating and look over to my sister. I see her turn off the alarm and then says, "A'ight, it's time sis. Rope up." I turn to my left, have her help me take off the backpack that's strapped to my back, making sure it didn't make noise as we walked, and I feel the backpack being pulled off. I turn back to her, see her key in the combination on the lock, take the lock off putting it in one of the smaller pockets that are empty, unzip the backpack, and pull out the ropes. She hands them to me, and I hand her one. "You to sis" I remind her. She puts the backpack down and behind her, so it doesn't fall, grabs the rope from my hand, and starts tying the rope around her legs. "Oh, sis I'm gonna text mom to tell her we're okay. See if you can see anyone" I tell her. I grab my phone, send the text, exhale, and pray that Santa is on our side tonight. I put the phone back in my front pocket and start working on the rope around my legs. I hear my sister say, "We gonna have to thank those two laters." I laugh and tell her, "I think they got a list about how much we all owe them by now." I hear her whisper, "Sis, I see some'ing".

I look up as I tighten the rope and see shapes in the distance. I exhale and whisper, "I love you Cin." I hear her whisper back, "I know Jazzy." I smile and feel her hand over mine, giving me my belt. I put it around my waist and hear my sister whisper, "Beans would go to war." I smile into the darkness and whisper back, "We could offer them a better deal, like these prizes." I can almost see her smile back at me as we both look out at those shapes.

I see the figures getting closer and I can see the afro moving back and forth. I feel my heart quicken. Relax Jazmine. I squint and see another figure to his right with a pony tail. That must be Caesar with his dreadlocks away from his face. I look to his left and see another figure, a little less bulky, with cornrows swinging in the wind. I look over at my sister and see her eyeing that figure. I let go of my waist, reach over, grab her hand, and feel how cold her fingers are. I exhale knowing we can't talk anymore. I rub her hand and see her look over at me. She nods. I let go and look out again. I look back at the guys and see them looking over to our left. I follow where they're looking, hear myself inhale, and then feel a hand grab mine. I look over at my sister and see her eyes big, probably as big as mine. I turn to the group of guys to our left and start counting. Five. Ten. Twenty. Twenty-five. Thirty. No. Thirty-five to forty. That's almost ten to each one of the guys. I feel that squeeze and look over at my little sister and see the fear in those ocean blue eyes. She nods, lets go of my hand, and looks forward, reminding me in her own way what we're here to do, no matter how scared we are. I look over at our friends and exhale.

After about half a minute, feeling my anxiety get higher and higher, our four friends meet with the group of over thirty guys in the middle of the courts. I can't hear them, but they must be talking. After another ten seconds I see the two groups move away from each other. Then, I see that figure with the afro stop and the other three keep walking away. I look over to the other group and see one guy also stops while the rest of that group keeps walking away. One on one. I feel my anxiety going way. I look back to the right and see that soft afro blowing in the wind by himself in the middle of the courts. I look over to the left and know that must be Cairo. Hopefully it stays like this. I know Huey can handle that guy, I just don't want the other guys jumping in and even worse if they have weapons.

Then, I almost 'eep' when I hear the sound of electricity and close my eyes from the blinding light. After a few seconds, I open one eye. Still bright and it hurts a little. Huey. I shake my head and open my second eye. Still bright but I can make out the basketball courts now. And, I can see Huey and Cairo now, even what they're wearing. I smile and feel my cheeks getting warm seeing Huey in his combat boots, green cargo pants, and his Wu-Tang Clan zipper hoodie. I look over to my sister and see her eyes blinking and then focus on the right end of the courts. I look over and see Riley in his Timberlands, dark jeans and his custom Lethal Interjection Crew black hoodie my sister gave him for his birthday this year. I look over at my sister and see those beautiful eyes of hers smiling at her best friend. Then I think, can they see us? I look around and see we're still in the dark where my incredibly smart little sister decided we should set up. I turn to the lights and see them pointing at the courts. I look back at her and see she's looking at me. I give her a thumbs up and she gives me her thumbs up. I turn back and see Huey and Cairo looking at each other with Huey standing in one court and Cairo in another court. They must have moved even further back while I wasn't looking. I inhale and remind myself I have to focus today. I put my hands back down on my waist, waiting. Only if they need us.

I see Cairo start walking to the right sideways and Huey starts moving left and backwards in response. Always let your attacker lead at the beginning to see their fighting style. I hear Cairo yell, "Don't be a little bitch and come at me nigga!" Huey stops, faces him, and doesn't move. Always defend and only attack as a last resort. I see Huey's lips move and then see Cairo bring his hands up and start running towards Huey. I swallow. Black belt since he was ten Jazmine. Ten.

Just as Cairo gets to Huey and throws his right arm out Huey steps to the side, brings up his right leg bending his knee, kicks Cairo in the stomach and then the face, then brings down his leg and backs away. Cairo grabs his stomach, turns around, brings his fists up again, and runs towards Huey. I see Huey start moving back swaying sideways and as Cairo gets to him, Huey jumps, summer salts, flipping that entire six-foot body over Cairo, puts his palm on Cairo's head, twists his body out, lands behind Cairo, crouches, and swings his legs, hitting both of Cairo's legs from behind. Huey stands and starts walking backwards again, watching Cairo on the floor. Cairo gets up, turns around, and runs towards Huey. Huey stops moving. Not sideways or even backwards, just stands there. Breathe Jazmine. As Cairo reaches him, Huey crouches, puts his hands down on the pavement, bringing both legs up and kick's Cairo's legs out again. Always defend and only attack as a last resort.

Cairo falls to the side and I hear the loud thud as he hits the ground with his shoulder. Huey stands and starts walking backwards. Always conserve your energy. I see Cairo put his palms down on the concrete, stand up, turn back towards Huey and run towards him screaming this time. Huey stops moving and again just stands there. Then, Huey takes two steps toward Cairo, jumps, turning in midair, brings out his left leg, kicks Cairo's face with that extended leg, and comes down, landing on both feet. Cairo falls about ten feet back to the left and I hear the thud as he lands on the cement floor. Huey takes a step towards Cairo, stops, and I see him move his lips. Cairo turns on his side, hits the floor, and screams. Then, Cairo gets on his knees, jumps up, and runs towards Huey. Huey takes one step up and I see Cairo swing his right fist towards Huey's chin. Huey crouches and Cairo swings right over Huey's afro. Then, Huey swings his own right hand up towards Cairo's chin. Only use your arms when you need to attack. Huey's finally attacking. I hear the sound of Huey's fist connecting to Cairo's chin and I close my eyes. That had to hurt. I open my eyes and see Cairo going back, back, back, until he lands on his back on the cement. Huey stands, looks at Cairo, turns around, and starts walking to our friends. He only attacked at the end when he probably knew Cairo wasn't going to let him continue using only defensive moves. My bestie. He doesn't see how much good there is inside of his own heart, but I do. I exhale. It's over. Just as quickly as it started it's over. I look over at my sister and see her blue eyes smiling at me, I'm sure happy it's done. We can go home. We can have tea with honey and spice and tell the guys how we tried to help but we were happy we didn't have to. I know my little sister wanted to have some fun, but I know she's happy her biggest worry can no longer happen. Her ride or die is safe. And, my bestie is safe. Then, I hear a scream.

I look back out and see Cairo standing again with blood on his shirt. I hear him yell, "Fuck you nigga! Don't walk away like you always fucken do you pussy! Coming down here with that fine ass light skin hoe with all your fucken friends! Fuck you! No one fucken want your ass here!" I look over at Huey and see him stop. I can almost see his shoulder blades move under his sweater. I hear Cairo scream clearly across the courts, "You fucken left Huey! And then you bring that Beyoncé looking hoe you don't fucken deserve! Fuck you and your perfect fucken life Huey! Fight me you pussy!" I look at Huey's back and I imagine him closing his eyes and breathing, trying to calm down. Then, I see him continue walking to our friends. I exhale again, relived. I look at Cairo and see him struggling to stay up right while Huey's already just a few feet away from our friends.

I start untying myself, ready to go home, and then I see my sister's hand over mine. I look up and see Cairo running towards Huey. I open my mouth, breathe out 'no' and then feel my sister's hand over my mouth. I see Huey stop walking, turn around, and then start running towards Cairo. Just as they're about to meet Huey jumps up, possibly as high as Cairo is tall, brings both his knees up like he's sitting in midair and then extends them and kicks Cairo's chest with both feet, so hard I hear the hit. I see Cairo being pushed back through the air and then land maybe ten feet back. I look back at Huey and see him standing with both combat boots on the ground. I see his chest expanding and compressing with the lettering on his sweater and I can see his hands on his sides in fists, I'm sure shaking. Huey takes a step up and starts walking up to Cairo, who's lying on his back.

Once Huey gets to Cairo, he bends his left knee hitting the ground with it next to Cairo's torso and I see Cairo swing with his right fist up towards Huey. Huey blocks and swings with his right fist hitting Cairo's chest so hard I see Cairo's arms fling up. Then, I hear Huey yell, "Fuck you Cairo! I didn't fucken wanna leave!" I see Huey grab Cairo's shirt with his left hand and raise his right arm, bringing it back, far back. No. This is not who you are Huey. You don't hit someone when they're down and aren't hitting you back. This is not you. This is them. I feel my eyes getting watery and I'm grateful for my sister's hand over my mouth. I don't want to see this, but I have to if I'm going to help him. I count the seconds as Huey kneels there with that arm behind him, ready to strike down. Seven seconds and then I see Huey move his lips, bring his arm back down, let go of Cairo's shirt and push him back on the ground as he stands up, and I remember how to breathe.

I see Huey stand up straight, turn, and start walking to our friends. I look back at Cairo, see him turn on his side, get on all fours and then yell into the ground, "You that pussy whipped you need to say her fucken name to stop your ass from fighting for real! When you become such a punk bitch!" I look back at Huey and see he's stopped. No. Just keep walking. I look back at Cairo and see he's already sitting up and hear him yell, "Fuck you Huey! You think you leaving this place to go back to your perfect whitecrest! You ain't fucken leaving! And that light skin pussy staying here with me!" I feel my eyes open, actually scared. I look back at Huey and see he's turned and is facing Cairo again. I feel my sister's other hand on my knee, helping me relax. I see Huey's lips move. I look back at Cairo and hear him laugh as he stands up, holding his chest, and then he yells, "Fuck you man! I'll say whatever the fuck I want! You and that faggot ass brother of yours just as fucked up as this place and that shitty fucked up family your asses came from and no moving to white fucken crest or getting fine ass white girls that are fucking you cuz they feel sorry for your black asses gonna change that shit!" I feel myself move forward as I see Huey take a step up then feel that hand on my knee squeeze, trying to calm me. I want to go to him and tell him he's not part of that family, that he's a Freeman, like his brother, but then I feel the shaking coming from the hand over my mouth and on my knee. I look over and see my little sister's watery eyes, blinking to get rid of the tears looking over at the right end of the court. I look over and see Caesar and Hiro holding Riley back. I grab both my sister's hands and she looks at me with those ocean blue eyes. I squeeze her hands, nod, and she takes her hand away from my mouth, but not before I kiss her palm. I see her eyes smile at me through her tears and then feel her grab my hand.

I look back at the courts and hear Cairo yell, "Stop fucken telling me what I can't say you fake ass nigga! You weren't fucken here! So, fuck you and fuck," but he's cut off by Huey's booming voice over the courts with, "Shut the fuck up Cairo! Stop blaming my ass for your fucken mistakes! And you don't fucken know me or my brother so fuck you and what you think! And you say one more fucken thing about her, and I swear to whatever fucken god you think exists I will break your fucken jaw!"

I get the feeling that I got at the hospital, where the world stopped spinning waiting for the next person in that park to breathe.

It happens in slow motion. I see Cairo's lips move and before they stop moving I see a fist, followed by a black sleeve, hit that jaw so hard I'm sure it's dislocated remembering the little bit that Mrs. Winters told me about dislocated body parts. As I see that jaw move into a position too long and away from the top part of his face to be natural, I feel myself jump. I see Cairo fall back, far back, with that hit and then hear Huey yell, "I told your ass to not fucken talk about her you piece of shit!" I close my eyes, knowing no matter how angry he is, no matter who deserves what, my best friend, my bestie, is in pain. I feel my exhale and shaking, knowing it's nothing compared to what he's feeling right now. I open my eyes and see Huey walking away. I look over and see Cairo rocking back and forth, holding his chin. I feel that squeeze in my hand, look over to my one and only sister, blink to get rid of the tears I didn't know were still there and see her looking at the right end of the courts. I look at Riley and see him no longer fighting Caesar and Hiro, but his eyes wide open, looking at the floor ahead, not blinking, with closed fists on his sides. I hear a sniffle to my right and squeeze her small hand, that's my size, but belongs to my little sister. She looks back at me with no longer watery, but red eyes, and I wonder if we cry about their pain because we've never seen them do it.

Then, I hear the yell I didn't want to hear say, "Fuck you Huey, fuck your brother, and all your bitch ass friends! Attack!" I look back out and feel my eyes get big as I see the rest of the guys to my left start running towards our friends. Four against almost forty. I look at my sister, nod, and unstrap our guns.

I see our friends running towards the other guys with Huey leading and Riley right behind him. Once they all meet I see Huey jump, turn in a half circle in midair, come down and extend his right foot sideways kicking in a guy's face. Then, he lands, blocks a punch from one guy, and punches that guy's stomach with his other hand. So many bodies down there. Focus Jazmine. Huey and Hiro. I look over at Hiro, my second charge, and see him punch a guy on his temple then turn to his right, go down doing the splits and punch a guy in the stomach. I look back at Huey and see one of the guys that was attacking him is already on the ground, out cold I think, but he's still fighting three guys at once. I exhale. Huey looks like he's doing fine. Only interfere if they need us. I look back at Hiro and see he's standing up now fighting two guys. I see a guy coming up behind Hiro. I look down at his hand and see him holding something shiny. I unclip my gun, remove the safety mode, and aim. I hear Riley's voice saying to only see the target. Move with it. Breathe. Shoot. I pull the trigger.

I see the knife shoot into the darkness, outside the court, and see the guy look up and around. I feel my eyebrows rise, knowing we told them what we were doing and might need them to be more powerful, but this is a lot more powerful than what we're used to. I also notice, no one else looked up. They didn't hear the shot. I look over at my sister, see her looking at me from the corner of her eye, with her bb gun pointed at the guys Riley and Caesar are fighting. I can see her blue eyes shimmer now that we know with all the commotion they can't hear the shots from the bb guns. She nods and goes back to pointing her gun at the guys attacking Riley and Caesar, looking for knives or anything shiny. I look back at that guy I shot at and see he's already being punched in the stomach by Hiro. I hear my sister pull her trigger. I inhale. These guys really brought knives.

I look back down at the guys around Huey and see Cairo trying to come up behind him. I aim at Cairo but can't get a good shot because of that afro. I see Huey jump up stepping on a guy's arm in midair, see the guy look up at Huey as Huey kicks his face in and then flips backward on to the ground, turns and punches Cairo in the chest, pushing Cairo back several feet. Breathe Jazmine. I look back at Hiro and see him get punched in the stomach, then on his chin by a second guy. That's not fair. I bring my gun up, aim, and pull the trigger, hitting that second guy's calf. I hear him scream and I cringe. I didn't want to shoot anyone directly but those are my friends and they're not fighting fair. I see Hiro stand up, punch him in the temple and that guy goes down. He turns and kicks another guy in the stomach.

I hear my sister pull the trigger and look over and see a guy behind Caesar fall back, screaming and holding on to his butt. My wonderful sister. We were both just crying and with one thing she does, she makes me smile. I see Caesar side step a guy, punch him in the head, then crouch down and punch another guy in the stomach. I exhale. He looks like he's doing okay. My eyes travel to Riley and see him taking on three guys. He's not only holding his own, he's doing it with his own style. Almost artistic, swaying back and forth, avoiding every punch. I see him punch a guy in the throat and I cringe. I catch my sister eyeing him, I'm sure smirking even though I can't see it. Those two are so much alike. I look back and see a guy coming up behind Riley while he's punching and kicking those three guys. I hear the trigger and see the guy grabbing his leg.

I look back at Huey and count seven bodies on the floor around him. I see him still fighting two guys, one of them being Cairo. He kicks Cairo in the chest this time with his full leg and I see Cairo go back about ten feet now. I just noticed training's helped me get better at estimating spaces. Focus Jazmine. I look back at Hiro and see five guys on the floor while he's still fighting three. I aim at those three guys, just to make sure, but it looks like he's holding up okay. I hear the trigger again and look over to see a guy falling down that I think was coming up behind Riley. Even with all these guys they still have to try to come up from behind our friends. I look at Riley and see him swing his right arm into a guy's chest, the guy moves back with that hit and Riley moves up to swing again and again. The guy finally goes down. After that the two other guys Riley was fighting stop and back up. Out of the corner of my eye I see my sister bring down her gun.

I look back at Huey and see all the guys he was fighting, including Cairo are down. Some bodies even disappeared, I hope going home. I look back up at Huey and see him jump up, bring his knees up, do a full turn in midair and kick a guy in the face. I think it was one of the guys Hiro was fighting. I look over at Hiro and see him square off with the last guy he has left. The guy looks around, sees all his friends are down I think, backs up, and runs into the dark.

I hear the trigger from my right and look back at Riley and Caesar. I see a guy falling back behind Caesar holding his butt. My sister. Caesar's fighting off two guys. One of them is Dewey I can tell from the short dreadlocks. The other guy punches Caesar in the stomach hard and I hear Caesar groan from up here. I see Riley run up and swing at that guy. The guy falls back, and Riley runs up to him, jumps up, and swings again with his right fist hitting the guy over the head. I look back at Caesar and see him swing at Dewey. Dewey dodges. Now that I think about it, this is the first time I see Dewey throughout the fight. I wonder if he just got here. I see Dewey swing back at Caesar and connect with his jaw. Caesar falls back and then I see Dewey go behind him and put his arm around Caesar's neck. I bring my gun up and out of the corner of my eye I see my sister doing the same thing. I can't take a shot at Dewey with him behind Caesar because Caesar's a little bigger than him. Darn it. I focus on Dewey to see if I can get a shot anywhere on his body. I see Dewey's mouth moving saying something to Caesar. I hear Caesar yell, "Shut up!" Then, I see Caesar swing his head back and connect to Dewey's mouth. So that's what it looked like when I did it to Mark. I feel my smirk.

With that hit Dewey backs up holding his mouth with his hand. I see that hand move away and then see Dewey spit blood I think. Caesar turns and says something to Dewey. Dewey's hands become fists and then he yells, "Fuck you man! I didn't force her to do shit! She came to me so fucken get over it!" I look over at my sister and see her putting her gun down. I look back out and see the only one standing now out of those almost forty guys is Dewey. I exhale and put my gun down. I look back at Dewey and see him smile in Riley's direction, who's standing there watching the fight. Dewey says something to Riley, and I see Riley's eyes get big. I see Caesar step back and Riley step's in. I look at my sister, put my gun down on my lap, and put my hand on her arm. I feel her relax and hear the exhale. We both know Riley can take Dewey, but I know she'll still worry.

I see Riley run up to Dewey, pulling his right arm back, and then see Dewey go down to punch him in the gut. But just as Dewey swings Riley jumps, extends his leg sideways, and kicks Dewey's head. Riley lands, crouching down on the floor, balances himself and stands up. I look back at Dewey and see him hit the floor on his back. I hear Dewey yell, "Fuck you nigga! I'ma have that sweet ass like I did Caesar's bitch!" I look back at Caesar and see him move up and kick Dewey on his side. Riley comes up, grabs Dewey's shirt, swings at him, and I hear him yell, "Don't you ever talk 'bout Cindy or I'ma fucken kill you!" I see Riley take another swing with his left fist and then another swing. I see Dewey spit to the side and then Riley let's go of his shirt and stands up. I feel my sister shaking. I look over and see her blue eyes big and glossy. I bring down my hand from her arm to her gun and push it all the way down to her lap. She looks over at me and I can see the tears at the corner of her eyes. I know my sister and I know she knows Riley better than anyone, maybe even better than Huey knows him, and she's told me Riley only fights when he has to after almost killing a kid during a fight on some rooftop. I grab her shoulder again and look forward just as I see Riley kick Dewey on the same side Caesar kicked him. I hear the inhale to my right.

"Riley!" I hear in that deep monotone voice. I look over and see Huey and Hiro about twenty feet away from Riley. I look back at Riley and see him look over at Huey. After three seconds I count, Riley turns and walks away from Dewey who's still on the floor and who's luckily groaning and moving. I see Huey and Hiro walk around Dewey's body, following Riley and Caesar. I exhale and hear that same sound again from my little sister. I holster my gun, shake my head, remembering she's waiting for a text, bring my cell phone out, and press send on the saved text. I look over at my sister and see she's already removing the rope from her legs.

Then I hear, "Huey wait!" I look up and see a girl with straight dark hair a few feet in front of Cairo. I hadn't looked at Cairo for a while, but I see he's on all fours, trying to get up I think. I see her walk up to our friends who are all now looking at her. I feel the tightness of the rope on my legs disappear. I keep my eyes on that girl, but I can't see her face because of her hair. I feel my sister's hand on my leg, look down, and then look over at her. She's already put the ropes in the backpack, and I see the backpack on her back. She gives me the signal and I see her stand on the thick branch she was sitting on, turn around, hug the tree trunk, move around, and start climbing down. I look over again and see that girl a few feet away from Huey and our friends talking it looks like. I turn around, a little bit more scared of heights than my sister is, hug the trunk in my sitting position, stand up, move around, and start climbing down. As we climb down we stay on the side of the trunk opposite the basketball courts.

Once I'm down, happy they sent fingerless gloves, saving us from the splinters climbing up and down that trunk, I look around and see movement out of the corner of my eye. I crouch and start crawling on the floor, following my sister. Once I get to the bleachers, I sit on the cement under the second bleacher next to her. I see the guys all talking to that girl and from here I can see it's the girl that came to the barbecue. Dolores. She's wearing a long sleeve tight black shirt, a short brown skirt and brown boots. I start feeling that anxiety looking at her and how pretty she is and how much skin she's showing. I close my eyes and remember we're talking about Huey Freeman. Warm brain type. Sees color but can still treat everyone the same. Sees girls but doesn't see girls. I feel my anxiety going away and I open my eyes and see they're still talking but now Dolores has her hands in fists on her sides.

I see Huey look up and follow where he's looking behind Dolores. I inhale and see Cairo walking up slowly, holding his jaw, followed by Dewey who's holding his side. I feel my sister's hand over mine. I squeeze it back. I see Dolores look back, possibly say something, and then Cairo and Dewey stop walking. Cairo responds and then I hear Dolores yell back, "I don't wanna hear it Cairo! I paid you to do a job and you didn't do it! All you had to do was beat them up to where they could see they need the money for protection, but you couldn't do that with almost forty of your friends! You're worthless!"

I look over at my sister and see her look at me with those blue eyes, surprised like me. I look back and see Cairo look down, close his eyes, turn and start walking away, Dewey following him. Then I hear Dolores yell, "You better sit down if you wanna get paid!" I see him look back at her, turn around, and sit on the floor, probably tired. I almost feel bad for them. I don't know everything Cairo said to Huey earlier and the stuff I did hear was horrible, but Cairo used to be Huey's best friend so I'm sure there's some good still left in him. Even a little. I know that because Huey would only say he's friends with someone if there is some good in them. Huey calls it having character, but I think having character is as good as you can get to being a good person in Huey's eyes. I shake my head, remembering I have to focus, and turn back to our friends.

I see Dolores who's facing Huey again take another step, closer to him and I inhale. I feel her squeeze my hand. I see Dolores say something, looking at Huey. After a few seconds I see Riley respond. I see her eyes get big and look at Riley and say something back. Then, I hear something I haven't heard in hours that makes me smile just like my sister's laugh does. I hear Riley laugh. I look over at my sister and see her eyes shining and smiling at me. I look back out and see Riley holding his stomach and laughing and then hear him say, loud enough I think the entire park could hear, "That just mean you a hoe." I look over at Dolores and see she's red, not sure if it's from embarrassment or anger, but her face is actually red. Did Riley just call her that? I see Huey close his eyes, pinch his nose, then look back down at Dolores and say something. I look over at Dolores and see her say something. This time whatever she says takes longer than the other times. Then, I think I see Huey's eyes squint. I've noticed he does that when he's angry or hurt, even if he never admits to the second one. I feel myself move forward and feel my sister's hand squeeze mine again. I look over to her and see her shake her head. I exhale, nod, and turn back. Huey can handle that girl.

I see Huey say something else to her that takes just a few seconds. Then I see Dolores look down. I breathe. Then, I see Riley turn and start walking away from Dolores, followed by Caesar and Hiro. Finally, Huey turns and starts walking away from her to. I inhale watching him walk away. I count for five seconds and then I look down. It's over. I close my eyes and exhale. I feel myself sit up straighter as I sit on my ankles. I open my eyes and look over at my sister who's putting her guns and holster in the backpack. I remember it'll be easier to crawl around and run back to where we're meeting mom without these. I put the guns back on the safe mode, unbuckle my belt with the holsters and guns, and give everything to my sister. She puts the belts and guns in the backpack, zips up the backpack, puts the lock back on, and puts the backpack on her back. I help her tightening the backpack, so it doesn't move while we walk. I feel my smile knowing we don't need the bb guns to get from here to the car with the kind of moves Huey and Riley have taught us. My bestie. He's had a rough night.

I smile and look down thinking how we helped, if only a little tonight. I look back up to my right and see my sister's already a few feet away crawling towards the handball courts where we'll be texting our mom to pick us up. I start feeling tired thinking about us having to walk all the way to the handball courts, how it's pass three am and my sister and I woke up at five today. I'm tired. And, tonight's been rough for my friends and my family. I look forward one last time to look at those basketball courts before I start following my sister.

I see that she's still standing there and looking down. Dolores. Looking at her in the light I see she's small, thin, and taller than me. She should be our age. Huey also said her family's connected to their mom's family. I feel bad for her. I do. More than any other girl I've ever met. Growing up in that family had to be hard. I mean she's just a girl, like me. No matter how I feel about her, she's just a teenage girl. I see her look down at her purse and remember how lucky I am to not be her, where all she thinks about is purses and money. Then, I see her unzip her purse and pull out a knife.

I grab my gun but it's not on my waist. In the backpack, with the safe mode on, on my sister's back, behind the zipper and the lock, tightened to my sister's back, who could be five to twenty feet away from me by now. No. I see her take a step up and start walking towards my friends, my boyfriend, my best friend, with that knife. No. I feel myself grab the bench in front of me, roll over it, and start running towards that knife. I think I hear my sister call my name but I'm not sure and I need to run faster. Faster. Riley said courts are fifty feet wide. That's like ten or twelve of me, but I can't do math right now. It's just too wide. Faster Jazmine. I feel my legs burning from sitting and then running right away. I see her running now towards that back with her hand up. Huey. Say something Jazmine. Scream. Anything. "Bestie!"

I see him stop, look back towards me, but I want him to look back at her. Focus Jazmine. Focus on her. "Stop!" I yell and see her turn to me for just a second. That's all I need. Faster Jazmine. Faster. I see her turn back to him and take another step, bringing down that knife. I press down with my left leg, jump, and close my eyes.

"_A'light Jazzy. The guys ain't gotta know we know this move" my sister says. I exhale and say, "Sis, are you sure about this. I don't wanna hurt you." I see her put her hands on her hips and she says, "Jazzy, we move the furniture, mom coming home late cuz of stuff she gotta finish at work so she ain't walking in on us and Riles and McHater think we sleeping early for the flight. We gotts to practice this move just in case shit go down and someone not in our crew got a weapon." I smile at my sister and say, "Alright sis, but I'm just saying I don't think we're gonna need this move." I see her squint her eyes at me, annoyed. I laugh and say, "Alright, alright, I'll do it, but you gotta go put on another sweater to protect your chest if not I'm not doing it." I see her purse her lips and then stomp into her room mumbling something about 'teddy bear'. _

_She comes back a few seconds later with the extra sweater over the one she was already wearing. I ask, "One more question sis." I see her look at me and she says, "You ain't getting outta learning this move sis." I shake my head, smile, and say, "Are you wanting us to learn this just the two of us so we can have this to ourselves, like the sisters we are, and not include anyone else in it?" I see her eyes get big, look away, and she says, "Well you are my sis and all we do is shit with the guys so I 'ont know. Maybe." I walk up, hug her and say into her braid, "I love you Cin." She responds, "I love you Jazzy." I pull away and say, "Alright let's do this."_

_I walk to the end of the hallway, turn, and see my sister at the other end covering her face with her arms. I breathe, start running towards her, and just as I'm about to get to her, I press down with my left leg and jump. _

I feel myself off the ground, bring my right leg up, and kick in the direction I know she's in. I feel my foot hit something soft and heavy and then hear a scream. I open my eyes, see her falling back with the knife in the air and then feel gravity pulling me down towards the ground. This is going to hurt. I relax my shoulders and bring my arms around my knees as I pull them into my chest. Then, I feel the ground hit my upper back. I clench my jaw to not yell as I start moving back and forth to massage my back.

"Jazmine!" I hear in that monotone voice and I hear the worry. I need to tell him I'm okay. I feel a warm arm until my shoulders. "Jazmine" he says, and I feel happy knowing he doesn't sound hurt. I feel the ski mask being pulled off my face and over my head.

I breathe once the mask is off and I look up at him. I smile and see those auburn eyes wide open. I say, "Bestie I'm okay." I see those lips move and he says, "You could've been hurt." I smile again and say, "But I wasn't, and she had a knife." I look over my knees and see her on the floor, moving up. "Where's the knife?" I start moving and I hear him say, "Jazmine stay down." I look back up at him and say, "No Huey, she had a knife. Where is it?" I look back at that girl and see her stand up, look at something on the ground, go down and grab it, and starts taking a step towards us.

Then I hear, "Stay 'way from ma sister you crazy ass bitch!" And I see Dolores fall sideways. I sit up and see my sister on the floor and then see her standing up. Her mask is off, and I get to see that one braid as a top knot on her head with the black turtleneck long sleeve body suit, tight black jeans and grunge style military boots. She's so pretty and she doesn't see it. We decided on this outfit for both of us so we could move around, not be seen in the dark, and still run and kick extra hard if we needed to. And it looks like Dolores felt both our boots tonight. I look back at the floor and see Dolores with her legs sideways from a proper and strong drop kick.

I look over and see my sister walking to the left and then see her pick up something off the floor. I see her holding the knife and feel my eyes open seeing how big it is. Maybe eight inches or longer. My sister closes the knife, I exhale, and see her put the knife in her back pocket. Then, she walks up to Dolores and I want to tell her to get away from her, that she might have another knife, but I close my mouth when I see my sister grab Dolores's shirt and slap her, hard. I hear Dolores scream. I forget my sister is Cindy McPhearson sometimes and some people knew her as C-Murder. I hear my sister yell, "I'll kill you bitch!" Then I see my sister slap her again and again as Dolores screams. I should feel bad, but I don't.

Over the screaming I look up and see Cairo and Dewey. I see Cairo looking at Huey and me and I get that feeling I got when I was sitting at the lunch table that day people found out I could date. Then I see Dewey take a step up, looking at my little sister. I try to move to get to her, but I feel that arm around my shoulder tighten. I yell, "Dewey don't you touch my" but I stop when I see a boy with cornrows in a black sweater with 'YR Wuz Here' on the back run up and around my sister, grab her shoulders, pull her up, bend down, put his arm around her knees, pull them in, and see her fall over his shoulder. He stands and starts walking towards us, carrying her like I imagine Fred would carry Wilma in those cartoons I used to watch when I was little. I want to laugh at how cute they are but right now is not the right time. I hear my sister yelling, "Put me down Reezy or I swear I'ma fin' a frying pan! That bitch going down for touching ma family! I'ma fucken kill her!"

Once they get to us, with my sister still cursing at Riley and Dolores, I see Riley crouch and put her down. I see Riley stand up straight and see my sister bring her arm back, I'm sure to punch him. I want to stop her, but I know they have a special kind of friendship where he lets her hit him. Just as I see her fist move into his chest, yelling some more curse words at him, I see Riley grab that fist. I didn't know he was that fast. I hear him yell, "Cin, calm the fuck down!" I see her inhale and then look up at him. He continues, "We 'on't know if the bitch got more weapons on her and she could hurt your ass so stop this shit." I see her exhale and see Riley cover that fist of hers with his hand and bring it down. I don't see him let it go. I smile.

I hear that deep voice next to me say, "We need to get you home." I nod and say, "Okay, let's go home bestie." I feel that arm on my shoulder push me up like I'm weightless. Once I'm up, I inhale, feeling the dizziness going way, and say, "I'm okay. I can walk." I feel that arm around my shoulder hesitate for a second, then drop down. I turn to the right, look up and see Caesar smiling and Hiro smirking at us. Wouldn't it be great if they both lived in Woodcrest with us or could at least visit a lot? I shake my head. Need to focus. I start walking towards them with Huey's warmth to my right. I stop and say, "My sis", and he says, "Behind us. Just keep walking." I breathe and nod. As we keep walking and I see Caesar's goofy smile and Hiro's funny smirk I feel my anxiety going away.

Then I hear, "Huey don't leave!" I look over my left shoulder and see Dolores running up to us. I hear my sister whisper, "I swear sis I'ma pull out her ugly ass hair." I smile and remember the people around me. I look forward again, grab the hand to my right, feel the warmth, and continue walking. Two steps out and I see her in front of us, between us and Caesar and Hiro. I hear her say, trying to catch her breath, "Huey please, look I'm sorry about those thugs. They weren't supposed to hurt you" but I cut her off with, "Like you were going to hurt him with that knife?"

I see her look at me and then feel Huey's sweater against my arm. She looks at me and says, "You have nothing to do with this. You're only half of what he really want anyways." I feel my eyes get big. These girls know nothing about my best friend.

I hear Huey respond, "I told you to not bother me again." I see her look up at him and she says, "But there's so much there Huey. Just come with me and my family and we'll help you fight for it. You can even be single for a few years, just agree to marry me later." I look to my right and up at Huey and see his eyes squinting. Anger and hurt. I squeeze that hand I'm holding and see those shoulders come down a little. I wonder if he's going to say anything. I see him look down at me, see those intense auburn eyes that instantly make me feel flushed, and hear him say, "Lets go." I see him turn, walk around that girl, and I follow, holding on to his hand, hoping the redness on my face will go away before we reach Caesar and Hiro. I step around her and see her look down and away from me. I exhale. We pass her and after a few seconds I feel my little sister next to me. I grab her hand and I feel her squeeze mine.

Then I hear her yell from somewhere behind us, "You just wanna be nothing like your parents!" I stop and look up to my right and see Huey looking forward. I see him take a step and then I hear that voice yell, "They told me about your mother Huey and how she left them and lived begging for money from her family! Begging! Why do you want to live like that! They won't even care that she didn't have a daughter or that you came from that other family with no class! You can even bring your wannabe thug brother!" I feel my inhale and the shaking next to me. The shaking isn't coming from Huey. It's coming from my little sister. I remember that picture, the one with the lady with bouncy dark red hair, big light brown almost yellow eyes, and the biggest smile I've ever seen on anyone. They lived a simple life and they were happy. And Huey doesn't lie. And he was raised right. They both were. They won't defend themselves against a girl. This entire night, no matter what she said and did, almost hurting Huey with a knife, they never even touched her. But, my sister and I are girls.

I say, "Sis." I let go of both hands, turn, and start running back. She's close enough I see that surprise look on her face. I look down at her hand, see something shiny covered by her fingers, and then see her hand come up towards my stomach. I give a small prayer to Santa, put my left arm out, bending my elbow, covering my stomach, and feel the top of her arm push up against my forearm. I push up with my right hand into her throat, hitting it hard and hear the cough. I hear something metal-like hit the floor, grab her wrist with my left hand, twist it, and move behind her, holding that wrist still. I hear the scream as I push up against her back.

I look up over her shoulder and see my sister pulling up her sleeves. I say, "Your turn sis. Remember what she said about your best friend." I see that evil smirk with nothing cute about it right now and see my sister's hand come up and swing down. I hear a scream and another and another.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm trying to remember what happened to the old Jazmine. The one from last year. The one that would hide behind the door, crying for her dad to stop shoving and possibly hitting her mom in their bedroom. The one that knew she would never tell her best friend about her home life or how she felt about him because she thought she only had enough courage to write in her diary how much she wanted things to end, seeing the tears dry up on the paper.

I look up and see my sister give another swing, hear another scream, and my sister's sweet deep voice say, "You never eva fucken talk about ma ride or die or I'll kill you bitch!" Somewhere in the back of my mind, as I continue to hear the slapping followed by screams, I remember the two boys we're doing this for are about fifteen to twenty feet from us, can both run faster than us and didn't stop us from running back to this girl, probably because they didn't see the knife she was holding. I look up at my sister's ocean blue eyes and know it all started that day she was too quiet, the day she told me about later on, when her parents' drug dealer and a bunch of other men had shown up to her house and she had to hide on the rooftop for hours with no sweater in the middle of winter in Maryland hoping she didn't slip on the ice, only coming down when mom called her to tell her I was in the hospital. That day Mark attacked me, Huey saved me, Tom came looking for us, mom told him he wasn't welcomed anywhere near us, and my sister quietly climbed from her two-story rooftop, hiding and running from men with guns looking for her parents, to come see me at the hospital. A few months later my sister moved in and we all started living together finally, safe and happy. Then, that night happened when I saw my little gangster sister break down those walls around her and let us in, let us love her. A few months later she confessed how my best friend saved her at school and how her best friend and she went to take revenge on those guys. A month after that my best friend told me about a family that treated his brother and him horribly. He also kissed me that day. And I kissed him.

I look up and see those auburn eyes looking at me and see him start walking slowly to us with his brother next to him. As I look at those auburn eyes I realize he's always looked at me like that, I just never saw it. I haven't changed. I'm still the same Jazzy that spins in circles to get dizzy because I want to. I'm the same Jazzy that wants to save all the horses and see her best friend smile more. What changed is everything around me. My mom seeing how strong she is. My gangster sister seeing how much she needs and wants love. Her best friend seeing how much everyone needs his grown-up side. And my best friend possibly realizing how vulnerable his squishy insides really are and letting me peek at them. And, I think, by those people changing, growing, and adjusting to a life where they might be happier, they gave me permission to be the person I want to be, the Jazzy I have always wanted to be. I haven't changed. I'm just becoming the Jazzy I want to be. And that could only happen because of my family and friends. Family and friends this girl doesn't have.

I look at my sister as I see her hand coming down again and say, "Sis." She stops and looks at me. She closes her eyes, puts her hand down, and I let go of the girl that's now crying. I hear Dolores say, "I hate you. I hate all of you." I move around and stand in front of her next to my sister. I exhale and say, "No Dolores. You hate your life." I see her look up and almost feel bad, almost, at how red her face is. She says, "You know nothing about me so fuck off." I realize that's the first curse word I've heard her say all night. She must have grown up with the best schools and with a lot money. I realize, like that girl back in Woodcrest that likes my best friend, my boyfriend, this girl is alone. Even at the barbecue she was alone. Those girls she was hanging out with at the mall must be part of that social group with money.

"I know you're alone" I say. I see her light brown eyes focus on me. I continue, "I know you're here, in this dark park, in the middle of the night, by yourself with some guys you hired." I see her look away. I remember now she's a teenage girl like me. I exhale as I feel that warmth behind me. I say, "Everything you said about them was wrong. You had no right saying that." I hear my sister say, "And you dead wrong 'bout anything you even think you know 'bout them." I'm sure Riley's next to her, possibly holding her back from slapping this girl again. I exhale, thankful someone as strong as Riley cares about my sister. Then, I feel that warm large hand on my back. I say, "I'm not forgiving you for anything you said. That's for my best friend and his brother to do, if they ever want to, but I am going to tell you you don't have to treat people the way you do, like they're not people with feelings." I see her look back at me, she inhales, and she says, "You don't know me or my family or the things I've seen. You got no right telling me how I should be." She's right, but she's also wrong. I say, "I don't know what it's like to grow up with that kind of family, but I do know what it's like to grow up in fear, not being able to talk about it, and feeling like you just want it to end." I hear an inhale over my bun, glad I put my hair up and it's out of the way. I remember this stuff involves mom and I don't want to say a lot. I continue, "I know what it's like to not know if it's going to be a bad night or an okay night. I know what it's like to feel alone, thankful for your only truest sister." I hear the inhale to my right and smile, happy she was there. I continue, "And I know what it's like to not live with that fear anymore." I hear an exhale over my bun.

Then, I hear in that quiet voice she uses when she gives us her wisdom, "And I know what it's like to live in a fucked-up family." I see her look at my sister, and I hear my sister say, "I only say this cuz ma sis is trying to give you some advice to change your fucked-up life even though your ass don't deserve it. I know what it's like to live with a family that don't give two shits 'bout you. I know what it's like to grow up with everything and then the fucked up parentals disappear on your ass for months and tell you to live off club food and red bull cuz that the only shit they bring home after their highs. I know what it's like to have thoughts about whether people actually fucken love your ass and hope someone remembers you turning eight the next day and maybe, just fucken maybe, those fuck ups you call parents will show after not knowing where they be for a month." I inhale and grab my sister's hand. I feel her squeeze my hand. I hear my sister inhale and then say, "But I ain't them. I ain't those fucked up people. I had money and drugs 'round ma ass the moment I knew what was what but I never touch it cuz I wasn't them. I ain't them!"

Out of the corner of my eye I see a hand with Riley's Rolex on my sister's shoulder. When I saw that watch at Aunt Cookie's barbecue I asked Riley about it because it's so pretty. I wondered when and how he got a Rolex with YR engraved under the crown and those pretty black diamonds on each quarter of the day. He told me he got it from Ed and Rummy for his birthday because he's a G. I don't know if those two really think of Riley like that but that watch reminds me of how much they actually care about Riley, remembering it was his birthday and getting him a real gift that only 'Young Reezy' could wear. I know the Wuncler's have a lot of money and connections but still, that watch was engraved with Riley's favorite alias. Only someone as special as Riley could deserve that and even the Wuncler mansion knows how special he is, and that special person protects my little sister. Maybe she doesn't need me to protect her as much, but I know she still wants mom and me to love her just like we do right now, so I let go of her hand and cup her fist, knowing she's angry but still needs our love. I hear my sister exhale and hear her say, "So you be like that fucked up family if you want. I made ma choice and a good one at that."

I see Dolores look down away from my sister. I have to add, "No matter what you choose to do Dolores, know we will both defend our best friends from girls like you always." I feel my sister move her fist out of my hand, grab my hand and hear her say, "And we always go to war with skinny big-headed bitches." I see Dolores look back up at my sister and see her eyes open and her mouth close, I'm sure confused if that's an insult or a compliment.

"Let's go" I hear that monotone voice say into my left ear. I look down, feeling my face go red with how close he is right now. He's just never whispered into my ear like that. I look up at that girl and see her looking away again.

I say, "Sis, let's go." I feel her let go of my hand, see her turn and start walking away with Riley next to her, as I turn to follow them. Then, I look back over my shoulder at Dolores and see her looking up at the tall figure next to me. I feel a warmth around my hand, feel it pull, and I follow that warmth.

* * *

We walk into the house and then into the living room and see mom on the couch with her phone and keys in her hand. I hear my sister say quietly, "Mama." I see her turn to us, stand up, close her eyes, open them, and walk up to us, dropping her keys and cell phone on the floor. I hear Riley say, "Ms. S you be dropping," but he's cut off with mom extending her hands out wide and then I feel mom's head between my sister and my shoulder and Huey's chest being pulled into my shoulder.

I smile, feeling how stiff Huey gets with mom hugging us all like this. Then, I get sad, remembering that maybe being this close to mom these last few weeks has made Huey and maybe Riley miss their mom. I hear a sniffle to my right and then hear mom say, "I didn't interfere this time because I knew you all had things to settle but I have everything on that boy and if he ever touches anyone of you again I will send him to Texas." I feel Huey's chest as he exhales. I smile. Then, I hear from my far right, "Ms. S can you make us pancake cuz we hungry?" I start laughing and hear my sister and mom laugh. I feel that warm hand on my lower back and remember we're exactly where we're meant to be.

After eating pancakes, which woke up Grandad and Aunt Cookie, who ate with us and said nothing about all of us being up at four in the morning, with my sister and I looking like awesome ninjas, and eating like it was dinner time, we all went to bed, I'm sure to sleep in until the afternoon.

"Bestie" I whisper. I see those shoulder blades move under the moonlight and I smile. I continue, "I'm," and then I stop. Why did I stop? Breathe Jazmine. I can do this. I sold over four thousand cups of lemonade in two days, I was his only secretary when he created the play about Black Jesus, I helped him prepare for the chicken flu epidemic, I forced him to go the doctor to check a sore throat even though he kept saying he was fine and found out he had strep throat and needed an antibiotic, I forced him and Riley to make up that time it got really bad even though I heard bb guns later that night, and between my sister and I, we helped tonight, even if only a little, making sure the other guys fought without weapons. Tonight. I need to tell him about tonight. Breathe Jazmine. I can do this. I start again with, "I," but stop again and nothing comes out.

After five seconds I count, trying to get the courage to say what I want to say I hear in that monotone voice, "Caesar's." I feel my eyes get big. I see those shoulder blades shift down, see the blanket move over his shoulders and then I see him turn completely, facing me. He never faces me at night. I don't know why. But I don't ask. I see those auburn eyes and wonder exactly at what time they turn into that soft maroon. I see those soft lips move and he says, "You wanted to know where we were." I close my mouth and then smile.

I say, "I wanted to tell you that I was sorry we went even though you told us not to go, but I would do it again. I wanted to tell you we got the bb guns, equipment, and clothes shipped special order by Ed and Rummy so they could get here same day. I don't think this is the first time they've done this sort of thing." I laugh and continue, "I wanted to tell you I don't hide things anymore and that's why I told my sister we should tell mom where we were going. Also, I wanted to make sure we got there on time and knew it was dangerous walking that many blocks that late at night. And." I stop, breathe, and say, "I wanted to tell you that as long as I'm around and you're in some fight, I'll be in a tree with my bb guns, shooting at anything shiny."

I smile and say, "Okay, we'll that was it. Goodnight bes," but he cuts me off with, "I want to take you on a date." I heard Huey's voice and know the words and know what they mean, but I don't know that he said, so I say, "Huh?" I see him look away. My mind finally catches up to those words and I say as fast as I can, "Huey, we don't have to okay. I know you don't like that kind of stuff and that stuff isn't even important and I like spending time with you at home where we read and," but he cuts me off with, "Jazmine." I stop and close my mouth. I don't know what else to do. He looks at me, opens his mouth, and says, "I don't want to take you on a date because that's what society tells us we should do. That we're supposed to meet a girl and take her out to dinner. And, I don't want to take you on a date because I'm your boyfriend. I just want to take you on a date."

I open my mouth to tell him he doesn't have to but then I stop, feeling my jade piece slide down my necklace and land on my neck. My necklace. I remember my birthday this year and how red he got when he was giving me my present. Then I remember how warm, almost hot, his hands felt when I grabbed the box from his palm and then again when he put his hands on my shoulders. It felt so private, so intimate. It was. That was the first time he touched me like that, and I have a feeling, that was the first time he had put that much work into celebrating anyone's birthday.

I exhale, smile, and say, "Okay." I see him swallow, nod, and then he says, "We'll probably sleep in today, so we'll do it tomorrow." I feel my eyes open bigger this time and say, "Bestie that means here in Chicago." He says, "Yes that does Jazmine," like it's nothing. I sit up, feel the blanket coming down, grateful for the sports bras mom got us at the mall, and say, not being able to slow down how fast I'm talking, "But Huey, you said you didn't want to see anything but friends and I'm sure this house. And we don't have to do it here. We can do it when we go back home. I don't want you to see anything that could hurt you or," but I stop when I see him sit up wearing a white muscle shirt. I swallow and look away, remembering we usually take off t-shirts and robes with the lights off and don't look at each other unless we're both under our separate blankets with him on the floor and me on the sofa. But the moonlight is just making those muscles stand out. Stop it Jazmine. Stop it. He might be your boyfriend now, but it still feels naughty to think about him like that and anyways I know I'm not ready for that.

I hear him say, "Jazmine look at me." Darn it. No. I shake my head. I hear in that monotone voice a little deeper this time, "Jazzy." I close my eyes, turn my head back to him, exhale, and open my eyes. I feel my tongue come out and lick my bottom lip and I'm so happy the moon is shining on him and he can't see my face. Focus Jazmine. What were we talking about? Oh yes. I swallow and say, "Bestie, we can wait until we go home. I know it's painful for you here."

I see him look away and then see those soft lips open and do something I've never seen my best friend do when he whispers, "It's not as bad this time." I feel my eyebrow rise. Huey doesn't whisper, I think unless it's into my ear. When he talks, he speaks. I see him look back at me and see those eyes look down at my lips I think. He must have seen me lick my lip. I see him move up and sit on his knees and then scoot up, until our faces are a few inches away. I swallow and remember I didn't get to taste that tongue earlier. I move in and feel those soft lips with my own. I feel a warm large hand on my side, and I grab those muscles I was looking at earlier and start kneading them, knowing they're sore. I hear the groan and then feel his mouth open and I follow. I feel his tongue go past my lips into my mouth and then slide over mine. I feel myself shiver. I wonder why I didn't kiss him all those times I wanted to on our hill. Why I waited. Then I remember, we're in Chicago, in his aunt's house, where he invited my family and me. He wants me here with him. I push the covers off my body, bring my hands up to his cheeks, and stick my tongue into his mouth, getting rewarded with another groan. Then, I slide my legs towards my chest, bend them, and bring them down, trapping him between them. I let go of his cheeks and move my hands into that afro I'm sure is volcanic right now. I feel the back of his head with my hands and feel those large hands on my thighs. I hear myself moan his name with that pressure on my legs.

Then, I feel him pull away and I inhale. I see him look down and see those shoulders going up and down, breathing. I start, "Huey, I'm sorry I just," but he cuts me off with, "Maybe you should sleep with your mother and sister tonight." I feel my eyes get big and I ask, "Why?" He looks up and I see that dazed look and hear him say, "Because we're alone down here and spending this much time together I'm starting to not care whether I deserve you or not."

I inhale what I think is happiness in this house, in this room, with my best friend, my boyfriend. I smile, bring down my hands, and put them over his, on top of my thighs and say, "But I know you sleep better with me down here." I see him look away, probably embarrassed I figured out why we haven't talked about why I sleep down here. It just happens. Every night, after we read, drink tea, get ready for bed, and I go up and say goodnight to my mom and sister, I come downstairs, see him already setting up his bed on the floor, grab the blankets in the closet, put them on the couch, and go to sleep. I also go to sleep with my hand in his afro every night. But we don't talk about why we do it. I just know. Me being on this couch helps him sleep and I think, now that I know he sometimes, if not every night, is awake while I start massaging his head, having my hand in his afro helps him go to sleep faster. Maybe it's because I remind him of Woodcrest, of a life away from that family and that past. I don't know.

I whisper, "Bestie." I see him turn back and look at me. I smile and say, "I don't know why or how I help, but I know I help you sleep better. So, I'm staying down here until we leave. And," I look away, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and say, "We're not doing anything okay and we still need to talk about our date." I feel a squeeze on my legs and look back at him. I see those lips move, and he says, "I know what I said that morning about," he stops, exhales, and says, "Only wanting to see Aunt Cookie and some friends." I look up at those eyes. They're still auburn. I wonder if I can ever stay up late enough with him to see them change to maroon. I hear him say, "But, I need to start somewhere, healing that," he stops, breathes, and says, "sick part of me." I move my hands over his rough hands in small slow circles and hear him say, "And if you're there," he stops, exhales a breath I think he's been holding in for a long time, looks down, creases that forehead, and says, "The potion might not be as bitter."

I bring my hand up, grab his chin, make him look back up at me, smile at my best friend, and say, "I'll do whatever I can to make this place not hurt you so much and if us going on our first date here will help, then I'm all in."

I feel that chin leave my hand and then those soft warm lips on mine. I bring my hands up and grab those Freeman cheeks and kiss him back. I feel him pull away, so I bring my hands down, and feel that warm breath on my face when he says, "Tomorrow." I nod and say, "Okay, but now we have to go to sleep." I see him look away and then say, "In a minute." I feel my eyebrow rise, confused, and then see him stand up, feel my eyes get big and I look away. I hear the restroom door close and I decide to lay back down.

As I feel my eyes closing I hear the restroom door open and see that figure walk back into the living room and lay down on blankets on the floor, facing away from me. I feel my nose scrunch, wondering if I should do it. I know last night I did it while he was awake, but I still don't know if he's okay with it. But, we just talked about Chicago and how hard it is for him to be here. It's hard for him here. Since we've gotten here, he hasn't left this house, other than going out to the local restaurants Grandad wanted to go to. The only time he's willingly left the house was today to go to Caesar's house, probably to prepare for the fight, and then to the basketball courts in the park for that fight. But, that's it. Local restaurants, Caesar's and the basketball courts for that fight. My bestie hasn't gone anywhere else. And, I'm pretty sure he knows Chicago really well. Huey Freeman doesn't do anything halfway. If he said we're going on a date in Chicago it's because he knows where to go, what time to be there, and how to get there. He knows this city, but he's only left this house to do things he needed to do. Going on a date, anywhere we go will be hard for him. Maybe harder than I can imagine.

And, he said me being there, where ever we go, could help him not feel so much pain. He even said he could start healing. Huey doesn't use words like healing unless it has to do with medical stuff. Maybe, possibly, he needs me more than I even know, more than I can even imagine. I swallow. And last night I figured out, if I'm right, I give him stability. Some kind of weird stability. Maybe it's even close to the stability he gave me by being in that house, by letting me hug him in the morning, by giving me that strength. He was like an anchor of strength. My home base where I would fill my car with the fuel it needed like Riley and my sister do with their cars when they play GTA. Is that what I am to him? Right here, right now? I look over at him and see that he hasn't moved closer to me. I exhale. I'm only sure he moved closer after I put my hand in his hair last night, after I figured out he needed that stability of my hand in his hair. I bring my left hand up, move out my arm, knowing he's still awake because he just laid down, and touch the top of his afro with my palm.

And then, I freeze, when he scoots his entire body up against the couch, with my hand still in midair, over his face now. I open my mouth and then close it. Action Jazmine action. There's nothing to talk about. As many big words and quotes and facts Huey Freeman knows, he shows his intentions with actions and he just showed me what he needs.

I breathe, bring my arm back in, bend my elbow, bring that arm down, and rest it on his muscular shoulder. Then, I twist my wrist, move it down to his neck, and drag my palm over the back of his neck and mesh my fingers in his soft hair. I hear that long exhale from him, feel his body heat at that warm temperature I like for some reason, and I smile, not believing he's being this close and open with me about what he needs. I think I'll draw spider webs like I did the first time we kissed. I close my eyes, imagining those webs as I draw them. I can't remember if I said goodnight but I'm sure I did. Then I hear, "Goodnight Jazzy." I smile and say, "Goodnight bestie, slash, warm brain, slash, boyfriend." I go to sleep swearing I heard Huey Freeman laugh for a second time ever in my life.

* * *

Hello everyone,

Barbecue ended, fight began and also ended, and there might be a date in the near future. I don't think there's any kind of cliffhanger here but tell me if you feel there is. I'm tired LOL. It's like freaken 4 AM Saturday morning and I've reread this thing so many times. PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU SEE TYPOS SO I CAN CORRECT THEM. PLEASE. PM ME IF IT'S A LOT.

Anyways, I really liked writing this chapter. It was long, but well planned. I hope to have the next chapter up in the next few weeks, but like I said before, classes start for me at the end of August and I'll be busy reading stuff that's not as fun as this. I do plan on writing on the weekends to get away from my studies and work. Yes, I work and go to school full time. FML.

I hope to hear from all my homies/friends/authors/writers about this chapter and what you thought about it. OH, and one more thing. I'd like to know if anyone feels they WANT TO KNOW WHAT WAS SAID BETWEEN Huey, Riley, and Dolores towards the end where Jazmine couldn't hear. I can add that to the next chapter if people want it.

Thank you all for reading and hope to see your reviews.

-Bulma's Ego (LOL almost typed ma real name).


	21. Helping friends, dates, & getting help

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Alright, I'm just posting this chapter now. The next chapter will be up by this weekend. Basically, I wrote one very long chapter and then, when I saw just how much I still wanted to review and finish the last part perfectly, I decided to break up this chapter into two (no cliffhangers) to at least get the story moving. Either way, I will have the next chapter up by this weekend, if not next.

So here you go.

REVIEWS:

RabbitMelody: Yes, she crazy. I mean I guess with her life's focus, I guess it can only be assumed she be a little crazy. Thank you for reading.

SG3MagicInk: What can I say to you? After your last review I finished the 3rd season (for like the 3rd time this year) and rapped (as best I could) with the lyrics. Even though I could (since I gots Hulu) skip the intro I just never did. I could not. The opening song is the best. Thank you for reminding. Yes, I love Sarah and so I think it's easy to see in this story. Thank you. I appreciate you noticing just how many changes they've all gone through. I loved the character development throughout the last 10 to 15 chapters and I can't wait for more to come. Thank you for your input and comments, through and through.

ThickBlackGirl: LOL I love to read your comment cuz it makes me laugh so much. I hope you like the next chapter as much as the last one. Thank you for keeping up with this story.

Gustrubio: Nice to meet you and thank you for reading. I've been shipping them for several years and I finally got the courage to do this. I look forward to your comment on this chapter.

Chel29: Thank you for reading and reminding me just how much I need to focus on what makes me happy (writing), outside of my 'adulting'. Thank you.

CHAPTER 21:

"Riles you call her ass a hoe?" I hear in that loud voice that makes me question how she deals with it in the morning and reminds me that girl is usually quiet until noon when her mental capacities finally start to function, which means it must be pass noon. "Just stating what she is C-Murph, sh, and I 'on't eva lie," I hear in that other voice that makes me question how I deal with it and then I remember I only have to for about ten minutes most mornings but will have to once he's in school with us in September. "Riley you really shouldn't be calling girls that. I mean it's hard enough for us," says the only voice I can fathom waking up to in the morning. I shake my head from frivolous thoughts and sit up, touching my neck first, feeling that soreness. And then I stop. Where's the soreness? Based on the fight from last night and sleeping on floor thereafter I should feel sore and stiff, at least some. Then I remember and feel myself waking up.

"_Bestie you need to turn around," I hear. "What time is it?" I ask. "It doesn't matter okay. It's still early but I need you to turn around," I hear her say. I open my eyes, see her over me, and I start sitting up but then I feel those hands on my chest, she pushes me back down, and I hear her say, "Huey lay down, you're still tired." Yes, and that is why I let you push me down, but you do not need to know that._

_I look up at those jades and then go down and see those lips, feeling myself focus on them, finally accepting why there were more days than not when she would walk up to me in the morning and I would look away from her. I see her swallow and look away, forcing me to turn to keep looking at those lips. I see those lips move and hear her say, "Huey it's still super early but you've been moving around for a while now and I know you're sore so just let me help you okay." I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "I just need to stretch Jaz," but she cuts me off when she looks at me and says in that whinny voice, "Please." I close my eyes, feel the tiredness behind my eyes, the soreness of my shoulders from the swings, some still on my legs even though I stretched before going to sleep, and I exhale. I open my eyes and see her smiling, knowing she won again._

"_Turn," she says. I feel both eyebrows rise but do it. Once I'm on my stomach I feel those fingers, lightly, possibly scared she's crossed the line, touch the back of my neck. Then, I feel those warm palms over my shirt, reminding me it's early morning in Chicago and the heater turned off some time ago, press down on my neck and I inwardly groan at the warmth and knowing it's her. Then, I feel those palms move down and start pressing upwards into the muscles between my shoulder blades, possibly taking courage from the sound I just made, and I unconsciously move my neck to the right. I won't ever tell her, but she knows me better than I'd like because with the movement of my neck I feel her stop, crawl both hands on to that part my neck, start kneading and hear myself groan louder this time. Her hands start behind my ear and then I feel them moving down. I should not feel this sore. There was hardly any movement in my neck but I'm also aware I'm not invincible to the punishment stress can inflict on one's body and I know it usually starts with headaches and then travels down to my neck and finally to my shoulders. I don't lie to myself, I was stressed yesterday._

_But right now, I'm starting to remember what it feels like to sleep on my own bed, in Woodcrest, away from girls that do not know how to function in this world without making it worse and away from fucken morons I need to beat the shit out of for touching her. My language seems to deteriorate __here to. That fucken idiot. I feel my temperature rising and exhale. Then, I feel that warm breath on my neck and hear her say, "Bestie, please stop it. I might not know exactly what you're thinking but your body's getting hot and it must be bad, so please just stop." I exhale as much air as I can, nod, and close my eyes. "Thank you," I hear her say._

"_I'm not good at" I say into the side of the pillow, but she cuts me off with, "I know. But I am. And the stuff I'm not so good at you are and that's called synergy." I shift, pull myself up and then to the left to not be on top of my stiffness, hoping she doesn't notice. I feel her stop kneading. Shit._

_I open my eyes and say, "Jazmine you can stop if," but she cuts me off with, "Huey." I feel her fingers start kneading my sore neck again and feel myself relax, luckily in several ways. Then she says, "You're a guy Huey." I hear her swallow and wonder where she's going with this. "Like more so than most guys, I think." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear her say, "So I know it's going to be hard for you us being close and I'll try to not make it so hard okay." I feel myself close my eyes to that voice, smelling the tea on the table she must have made before she woke me. Feeling those hands, smelling that tea that means more to me than anyone will ever know, and knowing she's here, safe, I feel my shoulders giving way to that heaviness, and hear myself say, "You said you wouldn't drive me insane and still be Jazmine." I hear that laugh and don't care for once why it makes me stop breathing for a second too long and hear her say, "I said I'd try." I feel those fingers putting pressure over the muscles where my shoulders and neck meet, I exhale, and feel myself completely relax, something I have not done since that morning when Aunt Cookie called, and then hear in that voice again, "Now sleep boyfriend. Everything's okay now."_

I move my neck to the side, knowing pressure on tissue can relieve the stiffness and even soreness by increasing blood and lymph circulation. There's also the fact that serotonin is released when people are getting massages and more so if it's by someone they know. I have researched the relaxation response that comes from massages thinking it could help in my training but am adverse to people I don't know touching me in that way. But I never pictured Jazmine doing something like that. I inhale. The way my upper body feels right now is all explained by science and research done on massages which I understand. What is not explained by science is why I feel like my entire body no longer has that stiffness, including the soreness I felt in my legs earlier, if she only massaged my neck and shoulders.

I hear my brother's voice, taking me away from those thoughts, say, "Jazzy now you knows I call all females hoes unless they show me they ain't." I hear that voice respond, "And how does a girl show you she's not?" My brother says, "By not being a hoe." I shake my head. I hear Cindy say, "Riles that ain't an answer," followed by Jazmine saying, "Really Riley?" I hear my brother say, "That's ma answer," and Cindy says, "Riles, give a damn answer."

Silence, I hear someone exhale, and then I hear my brother say, "A'ight you want a legit answer. I play ball. I'm good. I ain't just talking shit. I knows I am. I've been good. I knows how to play and make the entire team look good. So, I get girls coming up all the damn time." I hear a chair move and then hear my brother say, "Hey Cindy, hold up. Let me finish." I hear Cindy respond, "I 'on't gotta hear that shit Riles." I hear an exhale and then hear my brother say, "Cin, come on, just let ma ass finish and if you ain't okay with the rest, you 'on't gotta talk to me for the rest of the day." After a few seconds I hear, "Well it ain't like that. Shit Riles, I mean we in the same house so I'ma have to talk to your ass. Just 'on't be stupid 'bout how you go 'bout saying shit." I hear a chair move and then a few exhales.

I hear an inhale and then Riley continues, "So, after ma games, I even gots the nerdy ones coming up. Talking like they know shit about balling. Saying shit like they liked how I shot at the game even though coach put ma ass as point guard." I hear both girls laugh, reminding me that Jazmine is a lot more well-rounded than most girls I know. I also feel my eyebrow rise hearing Caesar and Hiro laughing. My brother continues, "I knows. I ain't stupid. Never been. These girls all want one thing, thinking after that shit they're gonna be ma ride or die, but they don't get that by doing that shit befor' they even know wa I'm 'bout and why I even play and wa that shit actually means to me they already went and fu, I means, messed up with ma ass. Not only they be hoes but they be stupid to, not even finding out I got a ride or die." Silence for a few seconds and then I hear Cindy say more quietly than before, "Riles what's your point?" I hear kitchenware fall on a plate and then hear my brother say, "They be a lot of girls a'ight and they all show me they're hoes. Wa I'm saying is that they're a lot more hoes out there than not hoes. McHater think they're only like twenty five percent out there but I know it's more." I feel that headache coming on.

I hear Cindy say, "And that girl from last night be in the twenty-five?" I hear my brother's cackle, followed by Hiro and Caesar's version of a cackle taking me back to a memory not as inviting as the one I was just having.

_I do not have time for this. It is close to four in the morning and I need to get everyone home safely along with getting home to tell her I'm fine. She and her sister are the only ones that know but between those two they worry enough to fill up Aunt Cookie's entire house with their unnecessary concern. I'm sure with that worry they're both still awake and I will be able to see that green before going to sleep. I exhale with a realization I had this afternoon that I do not feel completely fine with the fact that I know she's worried, possibly pulling on that hair, like she does when she's worried and she actually has it outside of that bun. She pulls it and sometimes leaves remnants of it on the sofa or on my bed when she's focused on an assignment. And, something I will never admit to, that untamable hair is on that extremely short list of things I would not change about this world. And that list continues to get shorter the longer we stay in this park._

_I inhale only because my human body requires it but know there is no peace right now right here as I see her take a step towards me. I look back at that fucken idiot sitting on the ground next to the other imbecile, knowing he did not only do this for the money but because he thought somehow I had stopped my training and he could take me this time. I also realize the other reason for this fight is that he wanted her and without that self-defense and minimal attack training we gave her and her sister, he would have gone further with her. I exhale, knowing I do not attack someone who's already lost, bleeding on the ground. I start to turn, knowing five blocks west from here is a hardwood floor with a few blankets waiting for me and a girl I pretend to be asleep for to not embarrass her while she draws patterns on my head._

_As I'm turning I hear that girl that's the reason for this fucked up battle royale say, "Huey look, this was just a big misunderstanding and I really didn't think they were going to hurt you or your friends. I'm sure we can still work something out. Just come home with me and I can introduce you to my family and you can talk to yours. Your real family."_

_Grandad and Aunt Cookie always told us to never disrespect women but right now I might choose to forget that so instead I start to turn and then hear my brother say, "Look twenty-five. No one gonna join you'll dumbass family and no one want their money so get stepping befor' we send real ones to beat the shit outta you." Grandad and Aunt Cookie raised both of us, but I believe my brother has had the gift of selective hearing for many years. I hear her ask Riley, "Wait. What's twenty-five. Is that like the best?" Before I can turn to leave behind the idiotic questions I hear my brother laugh. I look over at him and see him laughing harder now. I close my eyes knowing his laugh does give me headaches regardless of the time of day. Then I hear him say, "That just mean you a hoe."_

_I inhale, pinch the bridge of my nose, hearing the snickers from those other two in our group and then, remembering that hardwood floor with that hand in my hair and wanting this to end now, I look back down at her and say, "Dolores, you come near me or my family and friends again and I won't remember you're just a girl that knows nothing about this world. Don't come near me again." She responds before I can turn again what sounds like a prepared rebuttal, "But all that money Huey. I mean I already have enough to buy thugs like Cairo and anyone else I want here, but that's still nothing compared to the money and connections your family has. We're both worth nothing compared to that family. Don't you want to be more than that? Don't you want to be worth something? Why can't you see that and all the things we could do with so much?"_

_I exhale frustration and inhale anger or possibly chaos and misery, which is all that family left in its wake. I. Am. Huey. Freeman. I inhale. Brother of an idiot Riley Freeman and a confused but generally good grandfather Robert Jebediah Freeman. I exhale. Nephew to Aunt Cookie and many clueless but for the most part harmless Freeman relatives. I am also a retired domestic terrorist that will continue to fight for my people, because we are a people, honestly and in that, will live a purposeful life. And if I ever forget that I know that untamable hair will remind me of all the work I still have to do. I respond what I know to be true, "I will be a man that stands for something and does not fall for anything. That's what my family taught me. Don't bother me or my family again."_

_She looks down, I look back up, see those two still sitting on the ground, and turn around, following my brother and friends._

Less than half a minute later Jazmine intercepted a blade aimed at my upper back with a move I did not teach her because of the dangers when landing. Jazmine. I hear her voice, bringing me back to the discussion at hand about what my brother considers a hoe, ask him, "So what you're saying is that because these girls at your games have wanted to." I hear her stop, I'm sure getting red, possibly even looking down, and then continue, "Get to know you, you just assumed all girls are like that?" I hear kitchenware being picked up and then hear my brother say, "Yeah." I actually feel the headache now and it's too early for this. Then I hear him say, "That and it ain't you two." Silence. I wonder if both her and her sister are as red as they were when Aunt Cookie was telling them about how much my brother and I have talked about them. I close my eyes thinking about how much Aunt Cookie has told them about us in the last few weeks.

Then I hear Caesar say, "Hey I got a question for you girls?" I hear someone exhale and then I hear Caesar say, "So, let's say there's a girl that wasn't a hoe when you met her but kinda became one after you met her, and you said some pretty fucked up shit about her afterwards because she became a hoe. I mean, you know when it all went down she kinda deserved that shit, but now looking back, maybe, you kinda said a lot of shit cuz you were fucked up for a minute and she maybe didn't deserve all of it." I open my eyes remembering.

I hear Cindy say, "That hoe deserved that shit." I hear the exhale again and then I hear that voice from this morning say, "Caesar, I think what my little sister is trying to say is that maybe at the time when it all happened, whatever was said, was said and there's no changing that. It's in the past. What matters is that you're okay now. And, in the few weeks we've been here it's been easy to see that you're a great guy. We know you are. And it's not just because you're one of Huey and Riley's oldest friends, which means you have to be a good person, but because we saw you last night. You were amazing. The way you defended your friends and then when you could've kept going you," she stops and then says, "You let someone else defend what was important to them. You didn't keep fighting that person even if you had good reason for it. You were unselfish and a good friend. Any girl would be dumb to not see that you're an awesome guy." I hear a slower exhale and then I hear Jazmine's sister say, "She right Caes. We saw it. We didn't hear all the shit that was said but we knows that asshole brought up shit he shouldn't have during a fight to get you off the rails, but you still didn't let his ass get to you and I," she stops and then says, "Thanks for letting shit that needed to be handled be handled."

I hear Caesar say, "You welcome." I feel myself laying back down knowing they don't need me and too many people at that table give me headaches without trying. As I'm closing my eyes I hear Caesar say, "So should I say I'm sorry for the shit I said?" I hear both my brother and Hiro say, "Fuck no." I hear Caesar snicker and say, "Well that's two no's." I hear Cindy say, "If you do see her ass, ma sis and I can slap the shit outta her after you done." I feel the headache and hear Caesar say, "That's a half no I guess. How 'bout you Jazzy?" I hear in that Jazmine voice, "Caesar I'm not going to tell you what you should do because I don't know what it's like to have someone you trusted lie to you. And honestly I just keep thinking about how it would've been different if we all knew each other back then." I open my eyes, looking at the ceiling, wondering why I didn't bring her last time we came. She would've stayed with me in this house, not caring that I didn't go to that funeral, sleeping in the guestroom, helping me sleep knowing she was at least upstairs and would want to spend time with me the next day.

I hear her say, "I'm sure if we would've known you back then, known that you were going through that, we would've told you to come to Woodcrest and stay with us for a while to remind you that people care about you. I mean I know you have family here but it's something else to have friends that don't have to love you love you just because. I know Huey and you would have focused on work and the connections we have with Black Lives Matter up there because he's good at reminding people that they're needed and have a purpose, no matter what they're going through. Riley and my sis would've had you hang out with the Woodcrest mafia doing whatever they do having fun, reminding you that no matter how bad things get, we can always be ten years old. Between mom, my sis, and I, we would've forced you to at least have lunch with us at school or on the weekends. I mean, maybe that would've even had us start trying out new foods, forcing you to try them, even if they're not very tasty sometimes." I hear her sister say, "Like their plant food, which ain't that bad." I hear Jazmine laugh and then hear her say, "I'm sure one of us, my sis, my mom or I would've told you that it's okay to feel sad and cry and don't feel bad about feeling bad because it's your heart and it deserves to be treated right." I should have walked over, dragged her over to the house, and had her talk to him.

"I called Hu," he says. I exhale, knowing now what I should have done that day. I hear that voice I went to sleep to say, "And he probably told you to do something, be productive, not let this girl or bad thing that happen get to you because Huey sees how much you matter and how strong you really are." I feel my smirk turning into something else again. Then I hear her say, "But that's what could've been. Instead we all met now and can tell you that just knowing you for this little time has shown us how much you matter to us already." I start getting up, ready to have my hand on her leg.

Then I hear her sister say, "And some'ing I wanna say that I ain't taking credit for but I won't say where it came from cuz I'm selfish and want her all to myself, but someone once tol' me to only do some'ing cuz I wanna do it, not for anyone else. That I deserve not only the best but what I want. I wanna say that goes for any decision you gotta make. So, if you wanna see that hood," I hear her stop and say, "I mean bitch, then go see her, no matter what we say here, and get that closure shit you need and then move on. Don't be thinking about that dickhead that you and Riles beat the shit outta or this girl ever again. Just move on. Have hella fun, hang out, meet peoples but move on. And shit they be plenty of fish out there or whatever they be saying."

Silence for five seconds and then I hear a voice I haven't heard say much of anything say, "Shit Caes and these two taken." I hear Jazmine laughing and let my heart stop as long as it feels it needs to. I hear Caesar say, "Bout that Jazzy. Where is Hu? I mean we been here for a while and he hasn't gotten up. Shit, I don't need the details, but you wear him out after that fight? Damn Jazzy." I hear myself before I can stop say, "Caesar."

* * *

"You didn't have to make so much," I say. I see her look up at me, smile, reminding me I haven't kissed her today, and hear her say, "You're really hungry after last night bestie. Eat." I exhale and turn back to the pancakes.

"C-Murph make me some more?" I hear my brother say. I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, see Jazmine's sister look at my brother, and hear her say, "They hell Riles. Your ass already ate like six and you know you can make some." I look back down at the plate, picking up another piece of pancake, and hear him say, "Common C-Murph's you knows how ta make 'em real good." I look up, see Jazmine's sister looking down, blushing, and then hear her say, "A'ight Riles. Shit." I feel that leg move, look over, see her looking at me again and hear her say, "I'm going to help my sis. Stay here and eat." I see her laugh and she says, "Don't give me that look bestie. I'll be right back." I see her look over at the table and she says, "Anyone, other than Riley, want more?" I look up and see the other two raise their hands. I shake my head, look down, and hear her whisper, "You're almost done with those. I'll make you two more." Before I can say anything I feel her hand grab mine and put it back on my leg, feel her get up, and see her go around the table. I shouldn't feel like this. It's too soon. We just started dating. We've known each other for years and it never felt like this. Then again, it was never possible until just last month.

I look up and see them staring at me. I say, "Not a damn word." I hear the snickers and then hear Caesar say, "Hey I ain't gonna lie Hu. We jealous." I continue chewing, tasting the carrots and zucchini she added to the pancakes. I look over at him and hear him say, "Shit. She make yours with that vegetable shit you like, and Riley's girl be making his with the extra shit he like to." I hear my brother say, "I like blueberries and C-Murph make em' real good. Wa?" I close my eyes and look back down.

I hear the stove click on and look up to see those two talking between themselves. I hear Hiro say, "So tell me 'bout these girls that be throwing themselves at you Riley." I hear Caesar laugh and I keep eating thinking about our date. I know where, but I have to figure out if it's open tomorrow and the restaurant. I wonder what she'll wear. I look up and see those hips, that waist, and start going up her sides. I shake my head and look down. Should we uber there? I have my permit and we are in Chicago meaning seeing a young black man driving an expensive rented van will not be out of the ordinary, but there is always the possibility of getting pulled over, having the car impounded because I do not have a driver's license and having her go through that. I don't trust uber drivers. I also don't want her on public transit here. She doesn't know how some individuals that use it can be, especially looking like she does. I can't help but look back up and notice that bun and how slender her neck is.

I hear Caesar say, "Talking 'bout girls. I gotta ask you all something." I look over at him and see that look, the one he had when he asked what we were going to do about those two idiots. I see him look around the table, then back down at his plate, and he says, "I think maybe, I wanna go take care of shit, you know, just in case my uncle and I take off and I just don't wanna take care of it alone, as much as being a punk bitch that sounds. I don't know if something might happen you know."

I hear my brother say, "How that a punk bitch move? Shit, I might kill someone if I went alone." I feel my eyebrow rise looking at him, being sensitive. I hear Hiro say, "You knows I'm here for you Caes. I'm in." I see Caesar look up, exhale, and look at me. I nod and look down at the plate. I hear him say, "A'ight. Tomorrow?" I hear both my brother and Hiro say, "Cool." I look up and say, "I have something to do tomorrow." I hear those steps next to me and see the pancakes she's putting down on my plate. "What's going on tomorrow?" she says and looks up at the guys. I see Caesar look away. I see her look around the table, then back at Caesar, and finally back down at me and she says, "Bestie?" We're eating pancakes and they're forest green already. She continues, "Whatever it is, it looks important. Go with them, as long as it's no more fights, and we can do our," she stops and I see that tint on those freckles and then she says, "thing the next day." I start, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off with, "Bestie, my sis and I can just hang out with mom tomorrow while you guys are out. I'm just happy you'll be out doing stuff that doesn't involve fights or anything bad with them okay." I look at that necklace, knowing that color signifies purity from contamination at least in one culture. I acknowledge I do feel lighter right now, whether that's from settling things last night or something else. I see her look up and hear her say, "Hold on sis. I'll be over there." I look over and see her sister struggling with two plates. I see those hips walking away with the plate she was holding, look up, and see Caesar smirking at me. I say, "Fine. But not a damn word."

* * *

"Damn, how long this fool taking? Betta not be doing some'ing stupid," I hear my brother say. I look up and see Caesar talking to her. I look over at Riley and feel my eyebrows lower. He looks at me and says, "I knows a'ight. This shit can take time but he taking too long telling that hoe whatever he gots to say and you knows that shit only happen when people be trying to get back together." I inhale. As much of an idiot he can be, sometimes he's right. I look back at Caesar but don't see any change since the last time I looked over. I look back at Riley and say, "We wait Riley." I see him move the ball from under one arm to the other and he says, "I knows that McHater. I ain't saying we leaving, but he dumb 'nough to fall for that hoe once he might be dumb 'nough to fall again is all I'm saying." I say, "If that's that you think Riley, why don't you go tell his ass to hurry this shit up because somehow you know what it's like to be in his situation." I see his eyebrows lower and step up. I see Hiro step in between and hear him say, "Hey you two calm the fuck down a'ight. We all on edge cuz of this shit. We know what he went through, and no one wanna see that shit again but you two acting like this ain't helping." I close my eyes, exhale, and open them only to see my younger brother looking away. I hear him say, quieter this time, "I knows Hiro. I just remember his ass called last year and I could hear the fucken crying from the living room a'ight." I inhale and say, "Then give him time Riley." I see him look up at me and he says, "I ain't saying I ain't giving him time but he taking too much time with that hoe. And then taking advise from those two that ain't no'ing like that hoe ova there, talking about letting shit go and moving on and all that. Cin and Jazzy don't know hoes like that be taking any fucken chance to hurt a good guy just cuz they fucken can." One of the many things we do not talk about is women.

I look over again and see the tears on that girl from here. I can't tell the difference between fake ones and real ones, but I know some girls know guys sometimes do fall for them. I look back at my brother and say, "He's not stupid Riley." I see his eyebrow rise and then he says, "Then why he hook up with that hoe?" I exhale and close my eyes. I hear Hiro say, "She wasn't like that when they met Riley." I feel the headache the moment I hear those words from my brother, "Nah, nah, see Hiro, even though I'm younger that's how I knows I know more shit than you'll. I could fucken tell that day he brought her ass to Aunt Cookie's. Her eye be wandering all ova the fucken place." I open my eyes, look back down at him, and he says, "She look at your ass to. I know. I know you didn't say shit cuz you thought your ass imagined it, but she did that to my ass to. I didn't say nothing cuz Caes was all fucken happy." She did look at me that day and I choose to not think about it. That and I thought possibly I was losing my mind with everything that was happening and wanted, for Caesar, to think I imagined it. I had been known to imagine being shadowed by a secret agent when I was younger, and I was saner back then than the day I met this girl. And if I really didn't imagine it I wanted, for Caesar, for it to be a one-time thing. We were also fourteen and if this didn't last, which most relationships don't at that age, I was sure Caesar would be fine. I didn't think it would last almost one entire year and she would do that. I exhale.

I look over at Caesar and that girl and see she looks mad. Maybe if she would've been here, would've met that girl when Caesar brought her over, she would've said something. It seems the moment they met Jazmine's been, if not giving him hope in women, giving him advise on how to better his life. I hear my brother say, "Shit, if C-Murph would'a been here and seen that shit she would've slapped the hoe outta her." I look back at my brother and feel my eyebrow rise. Maybe we are similar in a lot of ways.

"Yeah, you two lucky" I hear Hiro say. I see him looking over at Caesar and that girl and hear him continue, "I don't agree with Riley. I know there are girls out there that ain't hoes, a lot of 'em, but it's hard finding ones that haven't had some dick treat them like shit and be all bitter, thinking you the same. I had a few girls already, not every kind but some and even older than my ass and they were all fucken bitter 'bout some asshole. Didn't believe my ass when I told them I wasn't like 'em. The girls you got ain't like that. They believe you cuz they do and you 'on't gotta try to prove you better than their ex or at least not as much of a dick. And I mean this in the most respectful fucken way to both your asses, but I agree with Caes on not ever seeing sisters that be looking like that, related or not."

I look at my brother, see him looking away again, and then hear him say, "I know that shit." He looks up at me and says, "Don't be looking at me like that McHater like you know some'ing I don't. I'ma get to it. Just giving it time." I feel my eyebrow rise and he says, "And 'on't be telling Jazzy shit a'ight. Just haven't done shit cuz we be in different schools and befor' that I 'on't wanna fuck up what we got. Shit, I know how much she worth and I ain't stupid."

I hear Hiro say, "Hey I think we might have to go ova there." I look over and see Caesar looking down. She's still crying but she looks angry now and then I hear her yell, "Baby why not!" I feel my eyebrows rise. I see him look up, see her eyes get big, and hear her yell again, "The fuck told you that! I am what you deserve Caesar!" I see him turn and start walking towards us. I can hear her yelling as he gets closer. Then, I see it and even my brother stays quiet. He keeps looking down. The only other time I have ever seen Caesar like this is when his mother left the first time to Jamaica and being eight years old and the only parent he's ever had it took several adults to calm him down. After he gets close enough I say, "Let's go." He nods and we all start walking out of the park and towards his house.

I can hear the yelling in the distance when he says, "Hu, Riley, can I," he stops, takes a breath trying to stop what we all know is there, but no one wants to acknowledge, and continues, "talk to them?" We all stop, start walking again and take a left at the corner in the direction to Aunt Cookie's.

* * *

"Thank you," I say and feel her head on my shoulder, feel her knees coming closer into her body, and I pull in tighter. I hear her say, "You welcome." Then I feel the shaking, hear the sniffles, and then feel the wetness on my shirt.

"Jazmine" I start, but she cuts me off with, "I'm okay Huey. It's just he wasn't." I exhale and say, "I know." She says, "How could anyone do that to anyone?" I look down, see her toes, covered by her socks next to my knees and say the first thing I think of, "Because people can." Silence for a few seconds and then I hear her say, "But not everyone is like that right?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Are you asking if everyone in the world is like that Jazmine?" She says, "No Huey, that's impossible to know. What I'm asking is if at least the people we know, the ones we trust, are not like that."

I look at those toes and say, "I've made you cry." I feel her shift and then hear her say, "But never intentionally." I look down at her, see the top of her head, and say, "How do you know that?" I feel that thick strong hair move over my arm, see her look up at me, see those greens with that water, and she says, "Because I know you Huey. I know you through and through and you only do things with purpose and you're a good person and you're my best friend." And you're mine.

"Hey," I hear from the staircase and look over. I ask, "You sure Caes?" I see him smile, nod, and he says, "Yeah man I'm good. If I can sleep in a one bedroom with my uncle and his snoring not bother my ass I can handle Riley and your grandad." I see him look down to my left and hear him say, "Thanks Jazzy." I feel that hair over my arm move again, see that body get up, walk over to my friend and hug him. I see him look down at her, smile, and hug her back. Then I hear her say, "Caesar, I promise if you need to talk again, my sis and I are always here." I see a flash of blond braids run in and put her arms around both of them and hear Caesar laugh. I hear her sister say, "Yeah Caes, you betta always bring your ass to us when you wanna talk." I see my brother walk in from where those braids came from, lean on the banister, and smirk.

We hear the door unlock, see Sarah walk in holding bags followed by Grandad, and hear Sarah say, "We knew we were having a full house tonight, so we brought dinner home." I get up from the couch, ready to start cooking some of the frozen vegetables that were left from the barbecue and then hear Sarah say, "Brought a vegetarian dish for you Huey. Now everyone, dining room table." I look at Sarah, see her smile at me that smile that makes me nervous and realize it's not that it makes me nervous, it's the fact that she reminds me of what I'm missing. What I will always miss. I feel that warmth at my hand, a pull, and follow Jazmine into the dining room.

* * *

"Bestie," I hear her whisper. I look at the black TV screen, continue seeing the reflection of that figure on Aunt Cookie's sofa, and exhale. I hear her laugh and hear her say, "Just wanted to say thank you." I feel my forehead scrunch and say, "Jazmine?" I hear that laugh again and then hear her say, "For tomorrow bestie."

I exhale. She might not even like it. I remember her exact words and more so that excitement, but I know, just like the person she calls her best friend, it's not as bright and wonderful as she thinks it is. I know what's there. I remember it well although it's been years. It might be interesting, but not the bright place she thinks it is. "Bestie," I hear her say. I exhale nervousness, which quite frankly makes no sense to me. I have taken girls on dates before, quite a few. Why am I this nervous?

I swallow and start counting down the reasons why, knowing that's the surest way most people get even more nervous before some event. First, those girls asked me out. Not that I wasn't interested in them, but I was always focused on my work and studies and never had time to fixate on dating or girls in general. If a girl walked up to me, whether that was in school or some other public place, and I found her interesting, which I'm aware for me takes more than some would deem necessary, and she wanted to hang out later, we would. Regardless of how I felt about her I would always consider it a date, make sure to do all those things society would say traditionally I'm supposed to do, picking her up, taking her somewhere, bringing her home on time. That's how we were both raised by Aunt Cookie and Grandad. Even Grandad, regardless of what he watches on TV, instilled in Riley and me to always be exactly gentleman and nothing less, regardless of what my brother calls certain women. Therefore, it was surprising to me when those girls wanted more only after the second date, some even after the first. I never said no, knowing that would embarrass them, instead I told them I would call them. I never did. Some would call and I would tell them I wasn't interested in seeing them again. I was harsh but honest. Some got it and didn't contact me again, others I had to block, along with getting access to their home phone and cell phones connected to their families and friends and blocking those to. I didn't know at the time why I didn't want to go further with them, but logic told me if a person could not wait to actually get to know who they were about to have sex with it was best to stay away from that person.

One of those girls showed up to school last year, saw Jazmine hugging me in the morning, looked down at her and took a step forward. I had looked at that girl, making her stop, and told Jazmine I would meet her in class. I heard Jazmine whisper 'okay' followed by that nickname I told her to not call me in public. I looked down, saw those jades looking up at me, wondered when and how she found that faith she saw in me, and knew, although that girl standing at the school entrance had come all the way from downtown, was probably going to be late to her own school, and we had gone out on two dates, I wouldn't lie to her. I had not considered lying to her but rather trying to not hurt her feelings by going out on another date, only because of the effort she was putting into seeing me. But seeing Jazmine look up at me, I knew, like I knew many things about this world, I would at least be worthy of the integrity she saw in me. I didn't care whether that meant being virtuous when it came to women, but I knew I would never lie to them about who I am and my intentions with them.

After Jazmine walked away I walked over to that girl. Once I was in front of her she asked if I was dating or interested in the girl she had just seen hugging me. I should have known then how I felt, knowing my first answer was the right one, but instead I said, "No." I saw her eyes get big and I said, "Why did you come Lena?"

She looked down and said, "Because I thought things were going okay between us and I really like you, but you haven't called me back." I exhaled, knowing it was almost time for homeroom to start and said, "You should get to your school before you're late." She looked up at me and said, "Is it because I'm not pretty enough or smart enough or because I didn't kiss you last time?" I felt my eyebrow rise, remembering I told her I was wanting to get to know her, nothing more, when we went on that last date, and apparently she wasn't listening. I said, "No." It had been three minutes since Jazmine had left to our homeroom, which meant I had another two minutes before the warning bell rang and then five minutes to make it there before I was marked late. "Lena, go to school," I said, turned, and felt her grab my hand. I realized I had not touched her on those two dates, where there were plenty of opportunities to do so. I also wondered when my dreams had changed from women to one girl and why I was thinking about that girl right now. I heard the bell ring, knew I had miscalculated, possibly in my hurry to have Jazmine not see this girl, and said, "Lena, I apologize if you saw something that wasn't there but that was not my intention. We were just getting to know each other, and I'm not interested in going on another date." I felt her let go of my hand and I took a step into the school, then I heard, "You're probably just busy, so I'll come find you later." I turned and saw her running to the bus stop where Ruckus was probably waiting for his first shift. I inhaled, remembered to focus on what was happening at the moment and I was sure she would move on to someone else in a matter of months, if not weeks. I turned around and started running to our homeroom. I haven't seen that girl since that day. And now, I'm taking Jazmine on a date. Tomorrow. That date.

The second reason for my nervousness is the fact that unlike other girls that I have gone on dates with, she's an enigma. I don't know what she's expecting, and I do not know what she wants. She's content with watching Japanese animation, entertained with 'cute' noises, and eating sandwiches that most high-fructose corn syrup induced teenagers would find plain. But she can also find what I call calmness and other's would call beauty in the quiet of that hill, that same calmness she gives me from the bus stop to my house after school, I'm sure not knowing it helps with the daily migraine school gives me. All of this leads me to more questions. Is she still childish or mature? I don't know and I do not like not knowing every factor to a problem I must solve, even if that problem is not a problem.

"Bestie," I hear her repeat in that voice. I exhale, knowing she's smiling even if I can't see it, and hear her say, "Can you scoot over a little please?" I move, feel the sofa on my back, hear the giggle, and I continue trying to unravel this nervousness and the reason it even exists. Then, I feel that arm on my shoulder, the warm palm on my neck, feel the air leaving my body, and close my eyes feeling her start with a square tonight.

The third reason is that, over most things, I'm a perfectionist, and it might not be perfect. More than likely, something, if not several things, will go wrong. I inhale, knowing that perfectionism is the reason I've berated myself more than once for not waking up earlier to count those freckles knowing I still do not have an accurate number on them and we will be leaving to Woodcrest soon. Woodcrest. I feel myself relaxing as she pulls the ends in a circular form now. In Woodcrest she'll be back in her house and I'll be back in my own. Maybe. No. I won't ask for that. It would be inappropriate considering we're dating now. Maybe when we were just friends but even then she would've slept in the guest room. Maybe both of us in the living room. No. Focus on right now. I hear the yawn and hear her say, "Goodnight bestie." I exhale and respond, "Goodnight Jazzy." I feel myself succumbing to the darkness, the one where nightmares no longer await me in this house, and then hear her say, "Tomorrow will be perfect. Night boyfriend."

I feel that pull on my face, knowing what it is, and don't stop the alien act, one that's only happened a handful of times in my life and, as far as I remember, only because of her.

* * *

"So, where you taking Jazzy girl?" he says. I look over at him and feel my eyebrow rise. I see that smile, feel my eyes roll, and then hear him say, "Come on Hu, you can tell my ass, I won't say shit." I exhale and look up at the afternoon sky. I hear him say, "Come on Hu, I just wanna know so I can be excited like them three up there." I look over at him and say, "Caesar." I see his eyebrow rise and he says, "I told your ass when I took Chantel on our first date. You owe my ass." I feel my eyebrow rising, noticing that he's able to say her name today, and I respond, "I didn't ask you. You volunteered that information." I see him roll his eyes, look away, and I hear him say, "Fine. Stingy, smart ass."

I exhale, remembering she was drawing a star when she fell asleep, and say, "Annette." I see him look at me and he says, "Damn, I means I knew you were serious 'bout Jazzy but shit I didn't know it was like that." I look at him and he says, "Hey don't look at me like that. I'm happy for your ass shit. And," he looks away, exhales, and says, "Thanks for yesterday and letting me stay over."

I look back at the sky, exhale, and say, "You welcome." I don't know what it was that made those two do it, how they knew, but the moment we walked in and we told them where we had gone and that Caesar wanted to talk to them they both ran around my brother, Hiro and I, hugged Caesar on both sides and dragged him into their room, closing the door behind them. I feel another exhale leaving me, remembering the crying coming from that room. Crying from a friend I've known long enough that I almost left to go beat the shit out of those two but remembered we had already done that the day before. I understand those two are not completely to blame for what happened, that girl had a part in it, but I have no say in what happens to her.

I hear him say, "I know what happened yesterday was a little fucked up for everyone but I'm glad it happened the way it did." I look back at him and he continues, "She was my first Hu. My first everything." He exhales, looks up at the sky, and says, "I think, after yesterday, I can finally let that shit go, and find me one that will cook me pancakes with bacon and listen to my music no one else likes but me and I can listen to her talk about shit that means everything to her ass and nothing to anyone else but don't matter cuz it means something to me and can make me stay on my game like Cin do with Riley and make me stay sane and not so fucken grouchy like Jazzy do with you." I feel both my eyebrows rise and inhale. He looks back at me and he says, "Don't be acting like that shit all you Huey. Yeah you always look like you a'ight in the head, but we know you ain't completely there and at least this time you seem better." I feel myself exhale, then hear him say, "What? You think we didn't notice how nuts you been up until now? Just cuz you seem like the smart one with all the reading and keeping up with shit happening in the world, but I see how Jazzy stays on top of shit you reading, taking away your books when you're going overboard and turning on the news so you can focus on world events even if the news be bias. Shit, she even be telling you that reading too much is bad for your eyes. You think all that shit is just about your health but it's about your sanity to." I see him smile and he says, "Say hi to Ms. Annette for me."

"Yo," I hear in my brother's voice. I stand up, turn around, and dust my backside, knowing I'm wearing black slacks and a long sleeve dark red cotton button up shirt and I was just sitting on the front steps. Somewhere in the back of my mind when I was packing I knew with Jazmine coming along and having her meet Aunt Cookie I might be forced to go out to dinner where this clothes would be necessary and being prepared for it all I even brought my dress shoes. I look up and see my brother leaning on the door frame of the front door and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Jazmine's sister using him like the furniture he is to her. She says, "Ma sis in the living room bro. Bring her back by ten or I'll kill you." She smiles at her joke, reminding me why I have yet to want a younger sister. I move up, see Cindy move in front of my brother, giving me room to pass, walk into the house, and hear someone say, "Bro ready to get beat by ma ride or die at the courts." I shake my head, knowing the days I could stand his voice for longer than an hour are far behind me.

I walk into the hallway and see Sarah at the bottom of the steps. I start, "I'll bring her home by," but she cuts me off when she walks up to me and hugs me, and I feel my body stiffen. She's usually not this forward. I hear her say, "Took you long enough since that day in my office. Have fun. No curfew." I feel myself relax and say, "By ten." I see her pull away and hear her say, "That's up to my oldest to decide." I see her smile at me that smile, turn to the right, and walk towards the kitchen.

I exhale nervousness, take a step up, turn to the left, walk into the living room, and see her standing in front of the window. She looks different, taller, and I can see her calves in the dress she's wearing. I exhale the last bit of nervousness, knowing it's just a date, just one date, with Jazmine. I see her turn around, smile, and hear her say, "Bestie." I wonder why I've looked at that glass panel even once when she's right here and why there's such an insignificant amount of air in Aunt Cookie's living room.

The Black Power Fist took time. Weeks. I will take my time with this. I start at the top with those small tight curls I have never seen on her, making her hair look fuller and stronger somehow, and see the silver beads that were placed, possibly holding down her hair, where the braids stop, and the curls start. I move down to those braids and see that they're not actually braids but rather twists of her hair that look like thin tubs that could even be described as waves that end too soon into those beads. I keep going down, see the big forehead that stands out even more today because her hair is pulled back giving way to those fine eyebrows, darker than I've seen them before. Then I get to her eyes and see why her eyebrows do look darker. She has make-up on today. That make-up over her eyes, those shades of silver and grays, make her eyes look bigger and the forest green clearer and more precise than I'm used to. The way the colors are making her eyes darker somehow is also making me question how smart I really am when I can look at her all night and choose not to. I keep going down and see those cheeks with some pink, which I would normally not see a reason for seeing as she already gets flush with just excitement, but this lighter pink is also making her freckles stand out enough I'm sure I can count them all if given a few more minutes, but there's so much more. I catch the shine from those earrings her mother bought her last year and wonder if she brought them specifically knowing how well they match her eyes and why I didn't see them until today. I keep going down and see those lips with that darker pink I have only seen on her. She's not hiding that color of hers like she did for that party, and I feel my throat dry up, so I swallow again. I keep going down and see that slender neck with the tight curls framing it, making it look softer somehow. Then I see the shimmer of her necklace and let my eyes wander down to the stone and stop at the cusp of her dress when I notice how low that dress goes on her chest. I look further down at that blue dress with white flowers that hugs her torso and her hips in a material that reminds anyone she's still just a girl that doesn't see how gorgeous she really is. I look down and see that dress that moves with the wind just enough that I won't be worried about her walking in it outside of this house and see it stops two inches above her knees. The fact that she's proper even now, outside of school, with me, only reminds me how unique she is. I have never cared about how much skin, little or too much, a girl shows, but I don't lie to myself and know I care how much she shows to me and to the world. My eyes travel all the way down those smooth toned legs, and I'm reminded that she is a capable fighter today, not only an excellent aim considering how far that tree was from the courts. Finally, I see the reason her hair, with those curls, could possibly reach my nose today is because she's wearing heels. I only stare for a second, knowing how many reasons I shouldn't, and see those black heels have a thin strap that goes over her ankle with a small silver buckle on the side. Silver matches her neckless, the color over her eyes, and those beads and even those white flowers on that blue dress.

"Huey?" I hear her say. I look up, not caring that she's flushed and feel some pride knowing that happens when I look at her. I walk up to her, look down at those lips, swallow, and say, "You promised."

I see her look up at me, look away, and hear her say, "What do you think you do to me? I mean you look really nice." I see her swallow and I instinctively put my hands on those hips I can feel through that dress and ask, "What do I do to you Jazmine?" I see her turn, lick that bottom lip, and feel myself lowering my face.

Then I hear, "Oh, you two just look so beautiful!" I turn and see Aunt Cookie with a camera as ancient as Grandad I'm sure. She bought Riley an Xbox but refuses to buy herself anything that cost over twenty dollars. Maybe my next project can be making her a camera from scratch, light enough she can carry with little effort and all the features she would want. Seeing her stand there in her apron with Sarah and Grandad next to her I'm reminded how much, other than bringing two people back from the dead, I wouldn't change a damn thing about this world, unless it's through my own work and drive.

* * *

No disasters yet. The Uber driver is courteous and hasn't attempted small talk, which is giving me time to relax. If we get there on time it'll give us several hours, which should be enough time to see it all before they close. And if that's not enough time, knowing her and how much her mind wanders, there's always that phone call I made. Once we're done there, we have to get another uber to. "Huey" I hear.

I look over to my left and see her smiling at me. I see her come up, feel her lips on mine, then see her move back down and she says, "Relax okay." I nod, exhale, and say, "What was that for?" She swallows, looks away, and says, "Because I just wanted to okay." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine, you kissed me because you wanted to?" She looks back at me and I see the red returning from earlier when we were in the living room and she says, "Yes, Huey. That and because you're my boyfriend and I can." I see the red cover her face completely and I feel my smirk. I see her look away again and she says, "Don't make fun of me bestie. I'm nervous." I look down at her hand in the middle of our seats, knowing what I want to do, knowing they wanted my brother and I to be happy, knowing she makes me happy, knowing every minute being closer to her, to whatever this peace is, has made me feel, as lunatic as that sounds, that I deserve that peace, at least by incremental amounts, and knowing there have times in my life I would later want to kick myself for not having the courage to do something that seemed so hard at the time. I am to live honestly and with purpose and not hiding under the table of our school cafeteria. I exhale and put my hand over her hand and say, "I am to."

I see her look back at me, look down at my lips, come up again and kiss me. I feel my eyes close. Then, I feel her move away, but before I can open my eyes, I feel the softness of her lips on my bottom lip, move away, and then feel her kiss my upper lip, and smell that cool air she's breathing out. I understand we are in a stranger's car right now, a middle age black woman whose name is Moana. I also know this is what people call intimate. I should feel embarrassed, apprehensive, mildly irritated with this show of affection, but I am not. I am also not responding in the idiotic way other hormonal teenagers would. This might be a symptom of the infinitesimal trust I have for this world, not responding to her in public, but I also know this, letting her kiss me, is the furthest I have ever let anyone know what I need, what I want. The fact that she knows there are things I need, like the contact she gives me at night, even if we have not kissed or hugged all day, and the kisses she doesn't know help me put my thoughts back in order better than the solitude I get on that hill, are things I cannot explain but I am starting to understand as things that just are. A concern of mine is the possibility that I might need and want more today than I have before, when I lived on very little water, food, and human contact. But right now, as I open my eyes and see her eyes are closed, I need to give instructions. I say, "Keep your eyes closed."

I see her forehead scrunch, see her open her mouth, close it, and then smile. I shake my head at how trusting she is and turn to look out the window. I feel the car stop, look over to the front to thank the driver and see her turn and give me a card. She says, "I know this is special day and I'll be free all day. I also like you two and how respectful you both have been unlike other teenagers I've picked up, so just let me know if you need a ride somewhere else from here or back home." I feel a warmth squeeze my hand, remember her unrealistically optimistic way of trusting people, exhale, grab the card, and nod. I hear Jazmine say, "Thank you Ms. Moana." I see the driver smile back at Jazmine knowing Jazmine can't see her and she says, "You welcome sweetheart. Now you two have fun."

I help Jazmine out of the car, tell her to wait on the sidewalk while I continue to hold her hand out in public, turn back to the driver and say, "Six thirty if it's possible." She smiles and says, "I'll be here." I see her pull away and drive off. I turn to Jazmine, inhale, remember this sidewalk, feel my chest constrict from a crack only I know is there, feel her hand move up my arm, up to my shoulder, and see her walk up to me with her eyes still closed. I feel those arms come up, hug my torso, put her forehead on my chest, and I inhale again, this time, a combination of a bitter remedy coated with something sweet. I hear her whisper, "This has to be hard for you Huey, but you're my best friend before my boyfriend, and where ever it is we are, I won't let anything hurt you if I can stop it." As impossible as that sounds to me, seeing as I wouldn't allow her to get hurt over protecting me, I nod, grab her shoulders, move back, feeling those arms leave my torso, and make her turn to her right. I step behind her and say, "Open your eyes." I feel her body stiffen, hear those small slow breaths, then the shaking, feel her shoulders move, and see her turn around to look at me. I inhale, seeing that precise green coated in that water. Too much is happening right now, but I realize, regardless of how my chest continues to constrict, I don't like making her cry, I never have. Shit. Our first date and I made her cry. I start, "Jazmine, if you don't want to be here we can go do something," but before I can finish, I feel those arms around my shoulder, then around my neck, bringing me down and feel her breathe into my neck, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I feel like crying and I know it's water proof but I'm going to try not to this time!" I respond, "What is water proof," but she cuts me off again when she lets go of my neck, grabs my hand, and pulls me into the museum.

We start in the Africa Speaks room. After twenty minutes I have to remind her there is more to see knowing if I do not she will continue staring at the mask worn by African women during a rite of passage. On the way to the next room we see various paintings, some I do not remember, meaning they must have been in storage. I exhale looking at the boy on the ground in the painting. I hear her whisper, "Why do you like this one?" I look down and see her forest greens looking at me. I inhale what I believe is peace mixed with history and say, "It reminds me of a different time." I see her turn back to the painting and she says, "I can see you as the boy on the ground with the marble, looking out, knowing how the game is going to end." I see her giggle and can't help but smirk and say, "And why is that?" I see her turn to me, smile this time the smile reserved for me and she says, "Because you knew to give Riley a bulletproof vest, which is probably the only reason he came out of that hotel with my sister completely unharmed." I feel my eyebrows rise, hear her laugh through her nose again, reminding me of how adorable and new that still is, and she says, "You also told them I would give the money away." I say, "How do you know all of this?" I see her turn, looking around the room, and hear her say, "One, Riley told me, and two, I know you better than you think I do, and I know you kind of tell the future sometimes."

I feel a warmth around my fingers, feel a pull, and follow her as she says, "What's that?" I feel my inhale and follow her to the mural and say, "It's called Freedom Now. It's a wood carving and it was designed by Robert Witt Ames." I exhale and say, "Some people had a problem with it being displayed here since the designer is white and there was even a protest eight years ago where several people thought it shouldn't be here because, they felt, only black artists' works should have a place in this building." Standing in front of the mural right now I remember it being bigger. I look down at her and see her lips move and hear her say, "It's a story, isn't it?" I nod and look back at the mural. I hear in a whisper, "That mask I liked would've been worn here at the beginning, in Africa, before they were kidnapped and taken over the Atlantic ocean where most of our ancestors, at least biologically in some way, those we come from, died." I feel the squeeze and let her hold onto my hand. I hear, even quieter this time, "It's so much, so much story, it should be here."

Then I hear a voice behind me say, "That's why we fought for it to stay here." I feel Jazmine let go of my hand, see her turn, and as I turn I hear, "And you must be Jazmine." She's still the same height I'm sure, but she seems shorter. I see that face, as familiar as Aunt Cookie's, see her look at me, smile, and she says, "Huey. I'm so happy to finally see you sweetheart, but don't ever go without seeing me for that long again." I exhale and stiffen as I feel her hug me. I say, "Ms. Annette. Caesar wanted me to send his regards." I hear that laugh as she lets go, steps back, and she says, "Tell that boy to come see me soon. He has no excuse living here." I see her turn to Jazmine and smile. I see Jazmine smile, holding her purse, reminding me of a few weeks ago outside the airport, and hear her say, "Good afternoon ma'am. I'm Jazmine and it's nice to meet you." I notice she looks at people in the eye again and I feel another exhale. I hear Ms. Annette respond, "Yes honey. Huey called and told me you two would be here today, which was wonderful news and what's even better to hear was he told me he was bringing his girlfriend because she was really interested in learning about her culture." I look the other way, feel that pull on my lips, and exhale. I hear that giggle and hear Jazmine say, "Yes I am. I actually looked up this museum months ago and wanted to come if we ever came to Chicago." I inhale, remembering how I reacted, and look back at her. I hear Ms. Annette respond, "Well thank you for bringing him honey. I miss my boys standing out there handing out flyers telling the community how much we still struggle today for equality, but I am glad they're no longer boys and I don't have to worry about them getting mugged or kidnapped." I look back at Ms. Annette and say, "Ms. Annette as far as I remember people were scared to put a hand on any of us." I see her eyebrow rise and she says, "Because whenever anyone tried arguing with you or those other two, you would not only show them with facts how wrong they were but then insulted their intelligence and at times got into fights." I feel my eyes roll and say, "We never lost." I look back at her and she says, "Especially those days when it was the three of you all together. I had to constantly go out there to make sure you boys weren't getting into fights and reminding police officers it was the weekend and you had every right to be there and I would supervise you." I see her look at Jazmine and she says, "Is my boy still passing out flyers and telling people the government cannot be trusted?"

I close my eyes, knowing the answer, and then hear that voice I woke up to today say, "Well, not the flyers anymore. We have social media instead of flyers. But with all due respect I agree with that. The government really can't be trusted. I mean, look at the system we live in where about one third of black children live with single mothers, struggling to make ends meet, and I know there's evidence of how the government not only makes it difficult for black men to be good responsible fathers with a bias education and legal system but only makes it worse for those men when they are trying to get back on their feet, trying to get jobs, not giving them the opportunity at a decent paying job because of their record or the ability for higher education because felonies take away the possibility of college financial aid. And, in the kind of world we live in, college is a requirement to have a decent paying job." I see her exhale, realizing at some point in the last five seconds I opened my eyes, looked back at her, and I'm now staring at her in public. I hear her continue, "Then there's the fact that those mothers, the ones that are trying to do the best for their kids, also have to live with the very real discrimination that still exists when they look for work or help, not asking for a hand out, but a way to climb out of that place they see their children in. I mean yes, bad people, parents, kids, exists in all races, but the way it feels like the legal system puts a certain race into a place where they're expected to not do well and they're more of a burden feels almost evil. Like they're trying to kill good people by making their lives hard and filled with stress and that gets put on their kids. I mean, I just." She stops, I vaguely realize I'm still staring at her, see her slowly exhale and hear her say, "I just think the government can't be trusted with people it is biased towards."

I do not know when or how she became aware of this and I could not care less. I feel myself grab her hand, knowing I was just staring at her and now I'm holding her hand in public and one of my mentors is standing in front of us, but she's mine. I hear that mentor in front of us exhale and hear her say, "That's exactly right honey. That's why I let them stand out there, even though they were all kids and people would not give them the time of day, just to talk to them, never asking for money, but only wanting to give the people walking by, some that have never stepped in here even though they've lived down the street their entire lives, just a bit of the truth of how the government cannot be trusted by a people it has yet to reconcile with." I see Jazmine smile and then hear Ms. Anette say, "Huey." I look back at her and she says, "I expected no less from you but someone as special as her." She looks back at Jazmine and says, "You keep doing whatever it is you're doing sweetheart because I do not remember this boy not having a frown in a conversation that lasted longer than two minutes and even more of a miracle is that I have not seen a frown on him at all this entire day." She looks at me and says, "I only peaked at you two once or twice or maybe a few times and I didn't see a frown once honey."

I hear that giggle and feel the squeeze. I hear Ms. Annette say, "Oh and Huey remember to pick up your badges in the front." I see her turn to Jazmine and she says, "It was lovely meeting you Jazmine. Now you two have fun and on your next visit make sure to bring that other son of mine." I hear Jazmine respond, "Yes Ms. Annette. I'll make sure to bring both Huey and Caesar next time." I feel my eyebrow rise and look down at Jazmine. I feel a hand on my right arm and look over to see Ms. Annette walking away. I exhale, watching her walk away. I feel that body move up closer and hear her whisper into my ear, still not knowing what it does to me, "Thank you for letting me meet her bestie. She's wonderful." I hear myself exhale slower, watching the woman that let us take naps in her office and would bring us snacks and water out there on those long hot summer days, walk into an office and close the door behind her to take care of her many responsibilities to this museum.

I feel that warmth leave my hand and see her stand in front of me. I inhale, look own at those forest green eyes, feeling my eyebrow rise and say, "She is, and as the president and CEO of one of the first African-American museums in the country she also expects people to keep their word and you just told her you would ensure to bring Caesar and myself next time, and seeing as we will be leaving Chicago soon I'm sure next time will be next year. How do you expect to keep that promise?" I see her smile, see those lips move, and she says, "By always being your best friend and reminding you how much we need to come see this place and Aunt Cookie again." I respond before my mind catches up with what I'm saying, "But I want more." I see her inhale, swallow, and lick her bottom lip. I lived on very little water, food, and human contact. But right now, I want more. I focus on those lips knowing I have not returned any of those kisses she gave me today.

I feel something touch my leg and look down to see a green ball and see a girl crawling up to it and grab it. I see the girl, possibly five or six years old, look up at me, holding that ball, and she says, "Big hair." I feel my eyebrows rise, hear Jazmine's laugh, and then hear her say, "But I like it." I see the girl look at Jazmine and she says, "He look 'hungy'." I hear that laugh again and look up to see Jazmine holding her hand over her mouth. Then I see Jazmine kneel in front of the girl and she says, "You remind me of my little sister." I look over at the girl and feel both eyebrows rise looking at the thick blond hair, skin the shade of Jazmine's, blue eyes, and see the girl smile. Then I hear Jazmine say, "Where's your mommy and daddy?" I see the girl look over and feel my eyes travel over to a black man walking over and hear him say, "Cindy honey mama's waiting for us." He looks up at us, smiles, and says, "Hello. Sorry about that. My baby's gotten into this habit of walking up to couples for no apparent reason." I look back at the girl and I hear her say to Jazmine, "My mommy and daddy are having a baby so can I go with you?" I feel my eyes get wide and hear the man say, "Now sweetie don't you want a little sister?" I see the girl look down and hear her say, "But I wanna a horsie and can't get one if we have a baby." I hear the man say, "But honey, you're gonna have a little sister. Don't you want to be a big sister?" I see the girl shake her head and then hear that voice from this morning say, "I'm sorry sir. Can I say something to your daughter about sisters?" I look back up at the man, see him smile and he says, "If you think it will help, please do."

I look back down, see Jazmine look back at the girl, and she says, "Can I call you Cin?" I see the girl look up, smile, and nod. I hear Jazmine say, "That's my little sister's name. Cindy. But she likes it when we call her Cin. And that's the best name in the whole wide world. My sister and I play games and train to know how to protect each other and we talk every day and sleep in rooms right across from each other with the door open so we can talk to each other at night. And we go to the same school and make lunches for each other and I'm so excited to start going to see her play basketball this year and root for her because I'm so proud of her." I see the girl jump with the ball in her hands and says, "I like putting the ball in the basket!" I hear the man say, "And we watch basketball games with mommy all the time right honey?" I see the girl look back, jump, and say, "Yes daddy! And we can do that with JJ when she comes out of mommy's belly!" I hear the man laugh and he says, "She's already named her for us after her favorite Disney character." I look back at Jazmine as I hear her say, "And that's so much better than any horse I could have ever wanted. I named my horse when I was ten and didn't know that I was going to get something even better, better than any horse, better than a million horses." I see the girl look back at Jazmine and she says, "That's when your lil' sister came out of your mommy's belly?" I see Jazmine smile and she says, "Kind of. That's when my sister came into my life. That's when I found out how special she was and how much I would have loved to have her my whole life, but I get to have her now and I cannot think of anything better in this world than having her in the room across from me and my best friend living across the street from me." I feel my eyes roll and hear the girl say, "Is that the big hair?" I hear Jazmine laugh again and she says, "Yes Cin that's the big hair I like so much." I feel that pull on my lips again, feeling ten years old and uncomfortable with that warmth on my own face, not understanding why her talking about my hair to this girl is making me react in this way.

I hear the man say, "See honey, when JJ comes you'll have all of that. Don't you want that?" I look back at the girl, see her look back at the man and she says, "Yes daddy. I can't wait for JJ to come out and play. We can put the ball in the hoop, and we can watch TV and we can do everything, and she be my every every everything." I hear the man laugh and hear him say, "Okay honey we'll we need to get to mommy who's in the Africa room. So, you thank the nice couple and let's go." I see the girl look back at Jazmine and say, "Thank you nice lady." She looks up at me and says, "Thank you big hair." I hear Jazmine say, "You welcome Cin."

I see the girl turn, walk back to the man, grab his hand, and say, "Daddy I wanna be the only one that calls my lil' sister JJ. Everyone at school call her Jazmine okay." I hear the man laugh and say, "Of course baby." I look back at Jazmine, see her stand, look at me and she says, "Next room big hair." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her smile, lean up towards me, feel my body stiffen, and feel her kiss my chin. I see her come back down, see the red covering those freckles, see her swallow, and she says, "I'm sorry bestie, I know we're in public and you don't like that kind of stuff. I was just happy thinking about my life and how good it is now and, I'm sorry." She stops, swallows, and looks away.

I want more today and by incremental amounts I'm beginning to believe I deserve it. I swallow, lower my face, kiss her cheek, feel her stiffen, and I say, "Don't let it happen again." I see her look up at me, smile, and she says, "Okay big hair." Before I can tell her she can add that name to the list of nicknames I do not want her using in public, I see her turn, and walk to the next room. I shake my head, inhale that peace in the particles she left behind, and follow her.

Once I step into the next room, I smell her hair and feel that body. I look down and see her standing, not moving. I start, "Jazmine, I should have warned you," but she cuts me off with, "No Huey, it's okay. This is the part of history that people don't want to talk about. They're okay talking about slavery and the abolishment of it, because it happened so long ago, and they're okay talking about the civil rights movement but they don't want to talk about this part of history." I look around the room, inhale, and nod.

We walk around the Distorted Images room and I see her reading some of the advertisements, the story books, and the wording for Christmas songs white children would sing where they would talk about how slow and stupid black children were and how my people were more closely related to animals than humans. This room is a strong reminder of what exactly still exists, but people refuse to acknowledge because it does not benefit their cause, which is always self-profit. Acknowledging, speaking, voicing the truth of how what existed during the time these advertisements were printed, when the ceramic dolls of Aunt Jeminia were made, now a more acceptable version being Aunt Jemima, these songs were composed to proliferate the racism in white children, some of which are people in Grandad's age today, still impacts to an incalculable amount the social, justice, and education system in this country.

By the time we're done walking around the room I know she's holding my hand and I don't stop her. I feel my exhale the moment we walk out to the hallway. I hear her say, "Thank you for letting me hold your hand Huey. I wanted to break a few things in their even though it's history and know they're supposed to be priceless." I look down and nod, knowing I'm not good with words. I see her look over at me, give me a small smile, and she says, "Next room." I feel that pull and follow her.

The moment we walk in I feel the absence of that warmth and look up to see her jumping in those heels, helping me understand the reason for that strap over her ankle, like the ten-year-old she can regress to and can't help but smirk. I hear her say, "Oh my god bestie! This is the best! I mean to put this room right next to that last one is genius! I mean look at these pictures of people and families and musicians! Oh my gosh!" I walk up to her and say, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off with, "Oh and we have to bring Grandad to see this room Huey! Oh my god!" I close my eyes and say, "Jazmine." I hear her say, "Huey I wanna come back to his room but I gotta look around!" I open my eyes and see that blue dress swaying, holding her hand over her mouth, as she reads the description under the first picture. I look around and exhale relief, knowing there is still so much work that needs to be done for my people.

We walk around the Songs Of My People room and I see new pictures from more contemporary black artists. I feel that body next to me and hear her say, "I know this museum is about the history of our people but maybe one day Riley will be in here, you know because of his art, somewhere in this place." I feel my eyebrow rise and look down at her and hear her say, "That's what my sister said when I told her about this place a few months ago and we don't lie bestie, unless it's about birthday stuff." I see her look up at me, smile, and wonder what this feeling is, while she speaks so highly about my brother and tells me her sister also sees his talent, know I will have to analyze this feeling later when I'm writing in that journal, along with everything we see today, but for now, I feel myself inhale as much as my lungs can take standing here, in this room, with her.

After finishing in that room, we continue on to the additions to that section of the museum. I look around the pictures of the black men and women to be the first, at least as of right now seeing as history continues to unfold, to be enlisted, win medals of honor, and make significant strides to break into the military service that we have been part of since the birth of this nation. I exhale and walk up to the Bessie Coleman picture, standing in front of an aviator. I hear her say, "I want to do a paper on just her one day, you know, when college professors let us pick an influential black American to write about." I look down at her and say, "I have a few books you can use as references." I see her purse those dark pink lips, shake her head, and she says, "I want to do this one on my own bestie. If I need your help, I'll just knock on your dorm room." I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, look back at the picture of Bessie Coleman, and say, "Okay."

I feel that warmth again around my hand, the pull, and follow her to the next room. After several more pictures and some paintings we get to a room with a desk and a name plate that says Harold Washington. I inhale. The first African American to be elected mayor of Chicago. I hear her inhale and she says, "Huey, wow." I look around, remembering it, look back down at her, and see her take a step closer into the room. Then I hear her whisper, "We can start you off as mayor." I hear myself before I can stop it say, "What?"

I see her face turn the other way, away from me, and I hear her say, "I mean I've always known you're not really looney, just really smart, and I mean it's the truth so you becoming mayor of this or any city isn't like that unlikely that's all." I say it without filtering my thoughts, wanting to take it back as soon it's out, and say, "With the family I'm connected to?" I see her stiffen, hear her exhale, open my mouth to tell her I'm wrong, I'm not connected to them, and one day I will not only understand that logically but personally, but before I can say anything I see her turn. I see her eyes look up at me and I inhale when I don't see them coated in water. I hear her say, "Last time you reacted like that was because you thought you were actually connected to them. I didn't know who they were, and I couldn't help you but today I can." I see her step up, getting closer to me, feel my head tilt, wondering what she's doing, see those arms come up and then around my torso. I let her.

I see her look up at me and she says, "You're not part of that family. You can't be connected to them and even if you ever are, as far as I know you've never lived with them or been part of that life they have, so you have no part in that. Your mom and dad." I feel myself stiffen, feel her hands start drawing on my back, feel myself exhale, and hear her say, "They loved you so much they didn't let you ever get to know that family. You are a Freeman and that's the name my sister, your brother and family, and I will use when we're making posters to have you elected for any office okay." I look at those dark forest greens and realize that I stopped thinking about the cold and warmth running through my veins, slowly into that crack, several hours ago. I nod, see her smile, and then she says, "I think they're closing, and I wanted to see it all of over again, but I guess it's okay." I feel those arms come down and see her walk away from me back to the hallway. I grab her hand and say, "We can see it a few more times." I see that fine eyebrow rise and she says, "Bestie they're closing." I feel my smirk and say, "Not for us."

After we get our badges, see her pin it to her dress as I stare down the idiot that's watching her behind the counter, I feel that hand, hear the squeal, and follow her as she pulls me back into the Africa Speaks room.

* * *

We walk to the front, help her with her coat, and then I hear her say, "Bestie, let's go. I'm hungry and I'm sure they already started cooking at home and maybe I can help clean up with my sis." I feel my eyebrows rise and say, "Okay." She says, "Let me have the phone number to Ms. Moana and I'll call her." I open the door for her and say, "She's already here."

Once we're outside and see the car parked I hear her say, "How?" I look over and say, "You know I don't like that question." I see her eyes squint, she purses those lips, and says, "You're avoiding the question because you're keeping something from me Huey." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine, she's waiting." I see her roll her eyes, walk out the door, and start walking to the car.

Once we're inside the car I give the driver a card and say, "We need to be there in half an hour if possible." She smiles, turns, and starts driving.

I hear Jazmine say, "But bestie, Ms. Moana knows where she picked us up so why does she need directions and why do we need to be home in half an hour?" I look down at that face and know more now than ever, having been here for several weeks, even if there were more beautiful girls, women than her I haven't seen any. I say, "You said you were hungry." I see her eyes open and she says, "And that's why we need to go home bestie." I say, "How many dates have you been on Jazmine?" I see her look away and hear her say, "Why?" I exhale, wanting to kick myself another time today but this time for asking a question that I do not want the answer to and say, "Because you're not supposed to go home hungry when you're on a date." I see her look back at me and she says, "But Huey you've already done so much today, and I mean, I just don't want you spending more okay. I mean this is like the best date I've been on and I'm happy with it already." I inhale, remember we're in this woman's car, lean down, kiss those lips, and taste them. I pull away and see her eyes are closed. I say, "Jazmine." I see her open those eyes, see the precise green under those grays and say, "As long as you're on a date with me you don't have to worry about anything. That's how I was." I stop and inhale. I see her smile and say, "Raised." I nod.

I see her smile get bigger and she says, "Okay, but just know I'm going to love it." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her laugh and she says, "Where we're going Huey." I see her shake her head and face the front. I smirk, shake my head, look forward, and see the driver smiling through her rearview mirror.

* * *

We pull up and I help Jazmine out of the car. I lean down to the car window and say, "Ma'am, are you still available tonight?" I see the driver smile and nod. After telling her what time to pick us up she drives off.

I turn around, see Jazmine staring at the awning with 'Pearl's Place Restaurant' in handwriting, walk up to her and see her smile at me, lean up, kiss me on my chin, see her eyes open and then her mouth, I'm sure to start apologizing. I close my eyes, shake my head, grab her hand, and walk up to the hostess standing outside. I am fully aware we are out in public and I'm holding her hand, but I am more aware of the fact that I do not want to let it go.

After being seated, a waiter walks up to us and says, "Good evening and welcome to Pearl's Place. My name is Clarissa and I'll be taking your drink order since I'm still training but Randy will be over to take your order soon and I love those beads." I hear Jazmine giggle, thank the girl, and order a strawberry lemonade. I shake my head remembering she always forgets how sweet those are. I order two waters. The girl leaves and I hear Jazmine say, "Does this feel weird to you?" I look back at Jazmine, feel my eyebrow rise, see her laugh, and then she says, "Us doing this. I mean we were just best friends, well you were my best friend, last month and now we're here." I say, "Are you asking if it's weird that we're eating together for dinner even though we're dating Jazmine?" I see her look down, to the side, and she says, "No Huey. I mean like I know people go on dates and dinners when they're dating and we've had dinner together, I mean, I just." I see her exhale, look up at me and see that darker green, I swallow waiting for that water, and she says, "I've always kind of had a crush on you but I just didn't ever think you would like me back. I mean I just don't know why you even would. It's just me and you're you."

I feel my eyebrow rise, open my mouth, and then I hear someone say, "My eyes did not deceive me. You are gorgeous. My name is Randy and I will be your waiter today." I look up and see a guy looking at Jazmine, white, mid-twenties, who's about to get punched in the stomach. I exhale and then feel a warmth on my hand. I look down at the table, see Jazmine's fingers over my knuckles, and hear her say, "Hi Randy. I think we'll have Clarissa take our order and serve us tonight." I look back up at him and hear him say, "But she's training and cannot possibly wait on," and I hear Jazmine cut him off with, "I believe my boyfriend made dinner reservations here and you just made me feel uncomfortable so it's either you have Clarissa come and take our order after she serves our drinks, or we leave." I see him inhale and he says, "Yes ma'am. She'll be right over." I see him walk away and I look back at Jazmine. I see her smile and she says, "What were we talking about bestie?" I feel my mouth open, close it, and then say, "About how you think you're just you and I'm me and somehow that means we would never be here."

I feel that warmth leave my hand, see her hand come up to her ear, move those curls behind it, see the red start covering her freckles, and she says, "Yes, so I just don't get it." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine." She looks up at me and feel my inhale as those eyes, those earrings, and that stone compete for my attention. I say, "I'm not good at," I exhale and say, "Feelings or even talking about them." I focus on her eyes, see the shine, and I say, "But I said I would try." I look away, exhale, and say, "You know about the last time I came. You know what happened. I do not want to talk about that unless completely necessary." I look back at her and see her nod. I swallow and continue, "I will tell you that visit possibly propelled what was already there." I inhale and say, "Prior to that visit you were my friend and still were after, but the way you are, not just who you are, but the way you are with your questions and unrealistic optimism for this world and for me, made me realize I." I stop, exhale, and say, "I wanted you to be my friend and that one day, I would want more with you." I see her open her mouth and I say, "I'm not done." I see that mouth close and I say, "One of the many reasons us being together has taken this long is because you, in your own Jazmine way, helped me during that visit, and I didn't think I deserved the rest of you, even though I wanted more." I see her lick her lower lip, I inhale, look back up at those eyes and I say, "So if you're saying you're too plain for me or not enough or whatever things you think I want, what you're telling me is that you haven't been listening to everything I have said so far and how much I've wanted this, whatever it is this is, and I do nothing halfway." I look back down at those lips and say, "You acted like my best friend for years, regardless of me acknowledging it, then like my girlfriend, or at least what I think one would be, at every possible chance as of June third up to one and a half minutes ago by stopping me from beating another idiot, and you're still questioning if I want to be here and even more unthinkable, you're questioning if you deserve me when it's really the other way around. Only in your Jazmine head would that even make sense."

I'm aware that I just insulted her and at the same time told her I want to be with her. I exhale, knowing this is who I am and wonder how she doesn't see how much the reasons I question us being together are far more substantial than hers. One of those reasons being that I cannot just tell her I want to be with her without insulting her. Even more confusing to me is how after just one month of being with her, I'm this open with her, knowing I have never wanted this because I know it leads to unnecessary attachment to beings that will leave and die one day and know even with all of that knowledge I would still be here, in this chair, regardless of how this ends, when and where. I feel that warmth on my hand, exhale, look down, see her hand covering my fingers and hear her say, "I'll try to stop being insecure about why you want to be with me, but I want you to know," she stops, and I look up and see her smile. Then she says, "I really like when you talk that much." I respond, honestly, "Only because it's you." I see her smirk and she says, "I know."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear that laugh through her nose. Then I see glasses being placed on the table. I look up, see that girl and hear her say, "Hi. Thank you for asking for me by name and I'm so sorry about any issues you've had so far. I will do my best to help you keep enjoying your night. Here are the menus. Please take your time looking through them and I will be back in a few minutes to take your order." She smiles and walks back. I look over where she's walking, see her pass a man in a different uniform, possibly a manager, that's talking to that asshole that flirted with Jazmine, see the manager smile at the girl as she walks back to the kitchen.

Jazmine orders the salmon croquette dinner because she's fine eating fish but hasn't been comfortable eating red meat since last year, although she hasn't noticed. I order the vegetarian plate. Jazmine reminds me I don't like cheese on my salad, and I tell the waiter. Jazmine talks more about the museum and I notice how her those curls bounce when she starts talking about the Africa Speaks room. I see her drink out of the second glass of water, see that tint on her cheeks, knowing I ordered it for her because that strawberry lemonade she always orders always has too much sugar. I tell her about my days there, passing out flyers, and the several fights we got in when some idiot on the sidewalk got mad about the truth.

"Who was the third person with you and Caesar?" she says. I see the waiter place the pie on the table, hear her excuse herself, and I focus on that plate, feeling my temperature fluctuate. I feel that warmth over my hand, look down and see her hand over my own. I exhale and say, "The imbecile that touched you." I hear her whisper, "Huey, look at me." I look up, see her give me a small smile and she says, "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." I look back down at that hand and say, "I don't want this to be the reason things finally start going badly tonight so just don't move for the next few minutes." I see those fingers go further over my hand. I exhale, focus on that hand, and say, "It was the three of us for the first few months until he decided he no longer wanted to spend his weekends there. I would see him at school, which is the only reason we continued to be friends. I would see Caesar only on the weekends because his mother had chosen to enroll him in a school further away, thinking the area we lived in was the reason he would get in fights and not his association with me." I feel my smirk remembering his mother thought I was a good influence on him. I say, "Because I would spend more time with that imbecile at school and we helped each other during several fights against the older kids that needed to jump someone at school for their gang's initiation we," but I stop when I hear her inhale. I move my thumb over the side of her index finger and hear her exhale. I say, "It never got that bad but there were times if we both weren't there, one of us would have gone home with a few bruises our respective families wouldn't have overseen." I rub that finger and then continue, "We did get close and I did consider him my best friend but only because being a guy here and furthermore being black it's not the smartest thing to be seen walking alone without some kind of gang protection." I inhale, feel her brush my thumb with her index finger this time, and I say, "He knew I was leaving weeks before it happened and had started hanging around with other kids at school and having a better disposition he made new friends weeks before I left. The last week I was here he choose to not hang out with me at all, even though I showed up at the place we normally hung out in school, found him at the bleachers and when I saw he didn't even acknowledge I was there I left him with those people and hung out at the library for the rest of the week. He didn't look for me, even though he knew the library was the only place I would be if I wasn't hanging around with him. Being preoccupied with Riley's tantrums, Grandad's stress, and later settling in Woodcrest, I didn't think about it or how my last week here went." I stop, remembering it was after that I met those greens and thick blonde afro, and feel my long exhale.

I hear her whisper, "So then whatever issues he has with you leaving are in his head because he had time to prepare for you to leave and instead of trying to spend time with you that last week he decided not to. So, he kind of ended your friendship before you even left, and you have nothing to do with the choices he made after you left and even before." I inhale and look up at those dark forest greens. Yes, but you don't have to know you just helped me realize that or how the light in this place, the conversation, and the few interruptions we've had is also making me realize how much I like spending time with you away from our families and friends, and finally, how much I like going on dates with you. I see her smile, feel that pull on my face, but before I let it happen I say, "Their sweet potato pie is the most well-known on this side of town. Try it before it gets cold."

* * *

After calling the uber driver, she picked us up, and drove us home. I had my hand over Jazmine's the entire way home, knowing the moment we walked in, there would be questions and I would probably grab a book and go to the backyard to not answer any of them.

We walk into the house, find it quiet, and look at each other. We walk into the living room and see a note on the table next to the couch. I grab it, read it and feel her trying to read it over my shoulder even if there's not possible way for her to ever do that. I hear her say, "Bestie, what does it say?" I say, "Apparently they're playing Soul Plan two at the theatre a few blocks down where they play old movies." I hear that giggle and then hear her say, "So we have the house to ourselves?" I turn around, see that smile and I say, "What are you planning Jazmine?" I see her eyebrow rise and she says, "It's our first date Huey. I get to have a part in it to." I start feeling nervous and say, "And what does that mean?" She says, "You'll see. Just stay here and I'll call you in ten to fifteen minutes." I start, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off with, "Trust me please." I close my eyes, remembering that smile, exhale, and hear the squeal. I open my eyes, see her walking away from me and I turn, walk to the front of the couch, and turn on the TV.

After fifteen minutes, knowing that smell, and hearing her walk in and out of the kitchen to the backyard several times, I see that head pop up, look over, and hear her say, "It's ready, come on bestie." I exhale, turn off the TV, stand up, walk pass the kitchen, where I see pans in the sink along with other cooking ware, and walk to the backyard. I feel my eyes get big, surprised, and not irritated about being surprised for once. I see the glass string lights from the barbecue I thought I would still need to bring down but instead of hanging on the walls of the backyard they now start at the roof, going over the left side of the backyard, connecting to the left wall. I count at least ten strings going back and forth from the roof to the left wall. I look down and see two chairs with blankets and one of the small tables we used for the barbecue with a table cloth, cut up strawberries and two cups with that tea and steam coming out of them. I inhale, grasping the idea that this is happening here, in this backyard.

I hear her say, "I know it might be too much for you, but I just wanted us to have some tea out here with some of your favorite fruit and just enjoy the quiet with no reading and no sleeping and no movies and just you know." I hear her stop, swallow, and she says, "Be. You know just be us. I mean I know it's a little too romantic for you but I just, I just." She stops and looks away.

I walk up to her, remember there's no one in this house right now, and she must have done this yesterday when I wasn't here. I exhale and say, "It's not too romantic." I want to tell her it's perfect, that I don't want to know how she knows that is my favorite fruit or that tea is exactly how I wanted this night to end, and how I'm going to make up for the lost time, even if I don't know how I will accomplish that yet, but I don't know how to say any of that. I accepted a long time ago I speak in actions, so I grab her chin, turn her to me, and kiss her. I push against those full lips that taste like something sweet no matter that time of day it is because it has been an entire day of being with her in Chicago, in a place that holds good and bad memories, feeling the cracking of my shell along with something seeping into it, and making me realize just how few hours there are in the day. I pull away, knowing being alone in this house and kissing her can only lead to things we're not ready for. I see her nod in understanding. I drop my hand from her chin, feel her grab my hand before it comes all the way down, feel her small hand holding my palm, and follow her to the chairs.

* * *

"My mother taught Aunt Cookie how to make that tea," I hear myself say. I feel that hand stop pulling at my hair, hear the inhale, the small slow breaths, and then feel that hand slowly dive into my hair and start drawing shapes. I smirk into the darkness knowing the first one is a heart.

I hear her say, "Do you mind that I make it sometimes?" I exhale, knowing it's a legitimate question coming from someone that's being respectful about my dead mother. I respond, "Last time, when Aunt Cookie would make it in the morning, I would go to the backyard or the front of the house to get away from the smell." I inhale and say, "It brought back too many memories." I breathe, open my eyes, see that figure laying on the couch, tired from having talked to her sister and mother for an hour after they got home, taking a shower, and finally laying down. "Bestie, if it still hurts you I can," but I cut her off with, "Jazmine." I feel that hand move down to my neck and start moving her palm over the back of my head and feel my head grow heavier into the pillow. I say, "It will always bring back memories, but," I stop, then say, "The human brain has the capability of associating new memories, ones of our own choosing, with triggers to old memories." I exhale and say, "I do not plan on replacing old with new memories, since some of those memories I find are not unpleasant, like my mother making that tea in the morning." I stop and then continue, "But associating a trigger, like a smell, to a new memory, one of watching a movie on Aunt Cookie's couch, after seeing my best friend turned girlfriend turned secret weapon during battle royales flip an idiot that weighs fifty pounds more than she does, is a memory I would more than consider associating to that smell."

I hear those small slow breaths persist, hear her swallow and then whisper, "Okay bestie." I close my eyes, remembering that tea and the time Riley grabbed her cup and I, knowing it was the hot stuff that tasted bitter to me at the time, grabbed it, told him to let it go, heard him say no and put my other hand over the cup, anticipating he was going to pull it back and it was going to fall on him. I remember that scream, opened my eyes and saw Riley's eyes open with his mouth shut. Then I heard her voice from the hallway, looked up and saw her running towards us. I remember being surprised that she grabbed me instead of Riley, taking the cup out of my hands, feeling the wetness on my face, and hearing clearly, possibly because it was the first time I learned what heat could do to the human skin, my mother saying, "Jeb come here! Huey's burned! Come here!" I remember looking up at my father, sitting on his lap, feeling the hiccups not stop, having him smile at me and say, "Huey, son it's okay. I'm putting some antibiotic on you and then we'll bandage you up and in a few days you will be fine, I promise." I remember sniffling, looking at my mother standing in the doorway of our small bathroom, holding my brother who had been crying himself, and saying "Baby you saved your little brother from being burned and you're a good older brother, but remember to always ask for help, like you did today when you called for us." I remember sniffling, feeling the cool ointment on my hand and hearing my mother say, "And you keep looking at me baby, while your daddy works. Just keep looking at my eyes and telling me about what other things you and your brother did today when you were outside playing before this happened." I remember nodding and telling her about the bugs we chased, and the one Riley ate and then I ate the same kind to make sure it tasted fine. I remember hearing her laugh and my father's laugh. By the time I was done telling them about our day my father had bandaged my hand and he said it was time to go to sleep. I don't remember the pain, other than the initial steam from the cup that must have made me scream.

I hear her say, "Thank you for calling me your best friend and for remembering when we started dating." I exhale. June third. In her room, when I said I would try for her. Names, dates, numbers, and amounts. I know those but only now that I'm older. I don't remember how old I was the day I learned about heat and my father bandaged up that hand and my mother stood there taking my attention away from the injury. But, I do remember what my mother asked me to always do. I am not good at that. I inhale and remember I live honestly and with purpose. That's how they lived. Honestly. With purpose. And, I cannot leave this place after having seen Aunt Cookie, most of my family members, the only friends I still have left here, Ms. Anette, and some people I would have rather not seen, smelling that tea, seeing those pictures, and having her cement a fact I didn't know needed cementing, that I am a Freeman, like my father and my mother was the moment they got married and she changed her name. I exhale and know I cannot leave this past behind and have it keep dragging me, keeping me in one place, no matter how much purpose I have and how honestly I try to live. I want to start healing that part of me with antibiotics and bandages and I can only do that by seeing them. It was the moment they died that this sick part of me began to take root and then fester into the sick person I became, the sick person I was up to the moment she started cleansing that part of me by making me feel different. But, I need help. And, more importantly, I want to introduce her to them.

"Jazmine," I say. I hear her whisper, "Yes, bestie?" I swallow and say, "I," then stop. I start again, feeling myself shake and say, "I want to." I feel the shaking and close my eyes, feeling my temperature begin to drop. How do people do this? How do they ask for something like this? How are people normal? I have never cared about being normal but, as I feel my temperature dropping, I want to know how normal people do this. I feel the absence of that hand in my hair and feel my temperate dropping to a new level. I inhale, feeling the shaking, and still cannot bring warmth into my throat. I open my eyes as I feel a push on my back, the covers being moved, feel that body next to me, her arm over my shoulder, hugging me from behind, and I say, "Jazmine, what are you," but she cuts me off with, "Huey whatever it is it's really bad for you to be shaking and I can feel how cold you are, so please let me help. Please." I feel the warm forehead between my shoulder blades and her palm over my shirt, moving it over my chest, trying to give it some warmth. I close my eyes and nod.

After what I feel is five minutes, feeling her hand over my chest, moving up and down, I say, "Before I leave this place this time, I want to see them, but I don't want to see the woman that's buried next to them and I don't know if that's possible." I feel her hand stop moving, stopping over where the organ we call a heart is, and hear her say, feeling that warm breath on my back, "Huey, you didn't only teach me the truth about this world, you taught me that with knowledge and dreams, between you and I, we can do anything. Let me help you with this." I exhale, remember the morning on that hill when I could not ask for help, but I did open the door and let her step in, and say, "Yes." I feel the wetness on my back and don't berate her. I let her cry. I feel her hug me tighter and don't stop her and tell her to go back to the couch. I let her help me.

* * *

Ok, like I said, next chapter will be up this weekend, if not next. Please comment on how you were feeling this chapter. Thank you'll.

-Bulma's Ego.


	22. Parents, 'more', and airports

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

SG3MagicInk: The Ciley be real! Oh yes. And, I love me both Riley and Cindy. I on't know. It just feels (hope) like they have a big part to play in the Boondocks world and need more say. So, yes, they need to speak in this story. And I have always thought of Huey and Riley as little twins of each other when they were tiny. They just seem like so much fun and energy as kids. Caesar. Damn. Every time I read the Caesar parts I feel like crying man. Like, maybe cuz it's easy for most (hopefully not) people to know what it feels like to be lied to, it's just easy to just know what he's feeling. Yes, the string lights kinda just happened but at the same time I can totally see them as a cute/sweet way to end a date, specially if they've been looking forward to this date for a minute. And you know Huey gots issues but at the same I've always admired how he just is who he is, regardless of who everyone else is, I think that goes for the person he would grow up to be. Dude, glad you got some sleep. And, there might be some more Ciley (there will be, best believe). Hope you like the next two chapters cuz I could not separate them.

dannyphantomlover7: Thank you bro! I'm glad you're onboard. I seriously thought I was the only one out there that still binge read Boondock fanfics in like days when it should take a week to read them LOL. And I still go back to certain stories every few weeks because they're engrossing. So, I hope this becomes that to me as well. I hope to hear from you again.

CHAPTER 22:

I inhale as many particles as I can, feeling my chest expand. I feel the warmth begin in my nostrils, travel down, taste it, feel the warmth continue down my throat, feeling it settle over the upper part of my chest, feel my lungs absorb those particles, making those particles part of those lungs. Part of the black man I am today. Because, that's what this society sees when they see a fifteen-year-old black kid. They see a man. I exhale. Then, I feel softness on my cheeks, a set of lips on my right eyelid, my left eyelid, my forehead, feel that warm breath travel down, stop at my nose, and finally my lips. I open my eyes, feeling those lips on mine, and see her eyes are closed. I want to remind her of something else I am, a retired domestic terrorist. And waking one up is one of dumbest and most dangerous things anyone could ever do, but instead I kiss her back.

I see her move back, open her eyes, sit up, feel her hands move away from my face, and I hear her say, "Morning bestie." I see that smile, but before I can respond she says, "I already have all the information I need to get us there and I'll take care of everything when we get there. You just get up, come and have breakfast, and we'll leave." I see that smile again, I nod, see her stand, and walk away.

I look up at the ceiling in Aunt Cookie's living room, feel the place to my left where she slept last night still has the warmth of those hips, remember everything I said last night, and feel a purpose today that I do not have to open a book for or research or investigate in order to accomplish. I inhale that tea, taste it on my tongue still, feel the injury of that loss on my hand, like the phantom limbs people say they feel after losing an arm or leg and remember every loss contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve oneself. Malcolm X. This is a loss and a lesson in some way, I am aware of that. I exhale. I have never been a coward, other than in the one respect of her not having that hope in me after knowing who that family is. That hope she has in me. I'm starting to acknowledge that hope or faith or whatever it actually is, is as important to me as that family is a dark patch on my life. That shine was still there fifteen seconds ago. I inhale, sit up, get up, and go to the restroom to start getting ready.

* * *

I answer, "Yes." I see him exhale, cross his arms over his chest and he says, "A'ight. Well I already took care of business with 'em." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and he says, "I did wa I need to do. And, I 'on't know, next time we come I might take my ride or die to meet 'em." I feel both eyebrows rise. Two things we do not talk about in one conversation. Our parents and women.

"Bestie, Ms. Moana's here," I hear her say from the living room entrance. I look over at Jazmine, nod, see her smile at me, see her look over at Riley and smile at him, then I see that bun disappear. I look back at my brother standing in front of the window, I inhale, and say, "I know we don't see eye to eye on many things but." I stop and see him uncross his arms, and then he says, "We brothers. I knows McHater." I nod, see him salute me, and I turn and walk out of the living room.

* * *

I feel a warmth over my right hand, look over, and see those fingers between mine. I look up and see her looking at me. She gives me a small smile and I look down at that nose, remember I have tomorrow morning and the next to get that accurate number and wonder if she would have noticed those freckles. She called us things like 'cute' and 'adorable' when she was alive. What would she have thought about her? But, if they would have lived after that car crash, we would not have moved to Woodcrest and I would not know those freckles. I swallow, look back up at those eyes, see her open her mouth and she says, "Whatever it is you're thinking right now, know you'll always be my best friend." I reply honestly, "And you're mine." I look back to the front and see the gates, feel my inhale, and hear her say, "Huey, look at me." I start feeling my temperature drop, exhale, hear her again and look back at her.

I see her unbuckle her seatbelt and I open my mouth to tell her the car is moving and the likelihood of having a car crash even at this speed and the ways she could get hurt, but I close my mouth seeing her slide over, open her backpack, pull a black cloth out and hear her say, "Close your eyes." I start, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off with, "You're my best friend and you trust me a little today. Now close your eyes." I feel the car stop, feel my temperature at that low point, exhale, and close my eyes.

I feel the cloth cover my eyes, feel the shaking, and hear her say, "Thank you Ms. Moana. I'll text you later but if you're busy we can get another uber okay." I hear her reply, "You text me when you're ready sweetheart." She thanks her and I hear her say, "Huey, stay here." I open my mouth and then hear her say, "Trust me." I close my mouth, exhale through my nose, hear the door open, close, then hear the door on my side open, and she says, "Step outside of the car Huey." I nod, turn to my left, step out, feel those hands hold my own, pull me to the right, feel her hands leave, hear the car door close, feel those hands again holding my own and hear her say, "Okay, now you're going to do exactly as I say, and I promise you will only see what you want to see." I exhale all of the air from my body, nod, feel those hands leave, hear the shuffling of her backpack, feel her hands on my own again, feel her lower, come back up, switching those hands that are holding my own, and then I feel those shoulders. I hear her say, "Now you're going to follow me, even though I know you can count steps and measure space and know where we're going, but you're still going to stay right behind me okay?" I exhale and nod.

We start the walk, I smell her bun, and know her backpack is hanging over her chest. After fifteen feet I hear the car pull away and then feel the hard concrete become asphalt under my shoes. After thirty feet from the gates I hear the cars to the right, where the parking lot should be, approximately forty feet to our right. That's where the funeral services are performed, and I remember that's where Grandad and Riley weren't even fucken allowed in for that woman's funeral. I feel my temperature rising now, inhale, and feel her hands over my own. I also feel a paper she's holding in her right hand and hear her say, "We're almost there okay." I inhale that scent on her bun, remember it's only us, step closer to her where I can smell it as I breathe, and nod. After another seven to eight minutes of walking at her pace, trying to remember her steps are smaller than my own and I don't want to step on her heel a second time, I feel her stop, feel my body walk into hers and hear her say, "I'm sorry I should have warned you." I say, "Maybe if your steps were bigger than the rodents that call this place home I wouldn't walk into you when you're trying to lead." I hear her backpack land on the floor, feel her turn, move my hands up as she turns, then place them back down on those shoulders, and hear her whisper, "I know you're focusing on making fun of me right now and I want you to also remember how short I am and how clumsy I can still be."

I swallow and nod, knowing she's smiling right now, and then I hear her say, "Okay, now give me three minutes." Before I can say anything I feel those shoulders move away. I bring down my hands, look down, exhale and remember every moment I have ever needed help I always found a way to not ask for it, but this is different. But, I am still me and I am still battling, at this moment, not with the fact that I am here, but that she's here with me. I feel myself shaking, knowing, knowing, I do not rely on anyone because reliance on the human existence leads to nothing but disappointment or resentment, if not both. I feel the heat on my palm from many years ago that no longer exists, but that injury is still there, one that was resolved with ointment and bandaging by two people that cared about my brother and I. I do not know what life would have been like if they would have lived but I know, based on the people they were, there would have been an extremely small chance of disappointment and resentment if I would have kept relying on them, as it has been with her. I exhale. She has yet to disappoint me, to create resentment and distrust between us. I understand people with fail me, but she has not. Even when she didn't tell me about Tom, she didn't fail me. She did it in her Jazmine way to protect me from killing him. Because that's what would have happened if I knew. And she knew that. And right now, she's done nothing but make me feel that she wants to be here. I swallow. I want her here. I inhale. I want to introduce her to them. I exhale.

I hear the pants she's trying to hide and feel my smirk, here in this place, and then hear her say, "Okay bestie, follow me." I nod, feel her hands grab my own, put my hands on her shoulders again and I follow. After twenty feet, I hear her say, "Okay, we're here." I stop and inhale quickly, feel her turn around, grab my hands, pushing them down, feel her hand grab my shoulder, hear her step behind me, and feel the cloth becoming lose over my face. I exhale, seeing the light through my closed eyes, open my eyes, feel her arms go up and around my torso, hug me from behind, and hear her say, "I won't let anything hurt you bestie, always."

I see the one gravestone for both of them and I exhale through the shaking. 'Jebediah H. and Rosa R. Freeman. Loving father, mother, and friends who lived honestly and with purpose. You will be missed.' I feel her hands tighten on my stomach and don't stop her. I inhale, feel my shoulders stiffen even after the shaking, knowing what's to the left and can't stop myself from looking up, see that strong tree, a few feet in front of us that shades their dead bodies, move my head to the left, not stopping the hatred, actual hatred, the heat rising in my hands, my chest, my neck, and inhale when I see a green blanket being held by two tripods and large clips at about every two inches of that blanket. She did not want that cloth falling. I look further to the left, feel my eyebrow rise, and say, "Jazmine, did you put a blanket over that woman's grave?" I feel her shift behind me and hear her whisper, "I did."

I feel my temperature dropping, a lot faster now knowing she desecrated, at least by religious standards not my own, that grave by covering it, exhale, and say, "Thank you." I feel her nod and hear her say, "Look down." I do and I see a blanket. I feel her arms going down, I inhale, knowing I have asked for too much already, then I feel her hand grab my own and hear her say, "I know we're outside and this is a sacred place, even if you're not very religious, but I'm not letting you go until we leave." I swallow, squeeze her hand, sit on the blanket, and feel her sit next to me, not letting go of my hand. I am fully aware I am also holding on to her hand.

I swallow, looking at the handwriting on that gravestone, and feel the squeeze in my hand as the potion seeps into my palm from hers. I inhale, remember there is a lesson in this loss, even if I cannot clearly see it right now. I close my eyes, exhale, assemble the thoughts I've lived with for one year and nine months.

I open my eyes, look at the gravestone again, inhale and start, "First, I want to apologize to both of you for not coming to pay my respects during my last visit. There were circumstances beyond my control that did not allow me to come. Second, father, mother, I would like to introduce you to Jazmine Dubois. My girlfriend." I feel that hand squeeze harder, hear the inhale, the slow exhale, and hear her say in that polite voice, "It's nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Freeman." I feel my exhale and my shoulders lowering.

After twenty minutes of silence I hear that voice say, "Can you tell me about them? Like maybe, if you want, how they met. Please." I look down, see the blanket we're sitting on and know where I've seen it. We used this blanket last night to cover ourselves, or rather her legs, sitting on the chairs in Aunt Cookie's backyard looking at the stars after turning off the string lights. I reminded her where the North Star is and why she should always know where it is even if she has GPS on her phone. She reminded me that she likes that my astrological sign is Scorpio and I let her. I feel my eyebrows lower looking at that blanket. The ladder in the house is broken and she's afraid of heights. I say, "How did you hang those lights?" I feel her fidget and hear her say, "I climbed the side of the house with help from my sister and she handed me the lights." I look over at her, feel my eyebrow rise this time, see those lips move, and hear her say, "I'm not as scared of heights anymore bestie." She has grown up. I inhale. And so have I. I see her look up at me and I say, "Give me a few minutes." I see her smile, nod, and turn back to the gravestone.

After seven minutes of gathering facts, chronologically, I start, "They met in college. She attended a public university, knowing she would not find family or acquaintances there. My father had returned from his military service and being undecided about his life choose to attend that same university until he decided to reenlist. They met and began to date. After six months of dating, my father told my mother he wouldn't be reenlisting, wanted to become a teacher and have a life with her. Up until then my mother thought he would be leaving and had chosen, in order to protect him, to not tell him who her family was. She finally told him who they were, that they weren't actually dead, and she wasn't living with a family member, and through their influence she was attending school using another last name. She told him he should find someone else because she would not drag him down with that family and foremost, she would never be able to get away from them. Then, she broke up with him." I feel her hand stop drawing letters on my palm and I continue, "After a month of not being able to contact her, he went to look for her at her house, which wasn't hard to find considering who her family was." I stop, inhale, and continue, "He was told by whoever answered the door that my mother didn't want to see him, that she was to marry someone else with more class or rather someone with money, and if he ever went back, they would kill him." I feel her stop drawing the 'H', hear her inhale, and I feel my smirk looking at his initial on their gravestone and then say, "So, he went back that night, got pass the security, which was lacking or wasn't a challenge to his military training, got to her front door, ready to bang the door and wake her up, and found her opening the door, running away from home, just as he was going to start screaming her name." I hear the 'aw' from my right, shake my head, feeling my smirk, and say, "I remember my father telling Aunt Cookie how my mother looked like a mess that night, having cried most of the day, carrying a purse with nothing but her identification card, and not a dime on her because she didn't want anything from that family." I feel that head on my shoulder and I let her. I continue, "As they were getting in his car, my father heard someone screaming my mother's name from the gates, told my mother to stay in the car and he would go see who it was. My mother got out of the car and my father followed her." I inhale and say, "It was that woman and she threatened both of them telling them my mother was to marry someone else and as the eldest in her family and the only woman, she had a responsibility to marry into that family." I hear her inhale and I continue, "My mother told her she would not marry that person, that she wanted nothing to do with that family, that she was leaving and if they ever looked for her she would tell the police and anyone who would listen about their criminal activities. That woman reminded my mother that her family owned the police and several influential people in the government." I stop and inhale, and then say, "It gets dark from here Jazmine." I feel a squeeze in my hand, exhale, and continue, "My mother told that woman she would also tell them about the other things that happened in that house involving the cutting up and transporting of dead bodies that even the police didn't know." I feel that body stiffen, and I say, "They left that night, were married a month after and, based on my calculations, I was born eleven months later." I feel her body relax and hear her say, "She was really strong, and I can't imagine everything she went through." I exhale and remember how strong she is.

After ten minutes of silence I hear her say, "What happened that night kind of makes me think Riley got your mom's personality and you got your dad's." I feel my eyebrow rise, look at that bun, and feel my chest expand. I turn back to that gravestone, feel my shoulders relax, and hear her say, "What were their middle names?" I feel my eyebrows lower and say, "I would tell you but then I would have to kill you." I feel her head move, look back down at her, see those forest greens, and hear her whisper, "I promise to tell no one just like your birthday. Please bestie tell me." I feel my eyes roll, look back at that gravestone, and say, "Riley and I were named after them." After a few seconds of not hearing her breathing I look over, see her eyes are big, her mouth is open, and then see her close her mouth, smile, and she says, "Okay." I inhale and feel the potion reach the last crevice of my mind, where thoughts, ideas, facts, and what people call emotions actually come from.

I look back at the gravestone, feel her head on my shoulder, and I say, "Thank you." I hear her say, "Thank you for letting me meet your mom and dad." I nod, knowing right now, as insights sometimes come to people while sitting next to their parents' graves, if they would have lived, Grandad would still have moved using his retirement, possibly to Woodcrest, and in some alternate universe, which has not been proven to not exists, I would have still met those forest greens that shine and those freckles I still need to count, and they would have to. I let go of her hand, feel her shift, possibly thinking I want to stand, and I put my arm over her shoulder and bring her in. I hear that inhale, feel those arms come around my torso, and feel her head on my shoulder again.

We sit in silence, hearing those rodents that reside in the grassier area of this cemetery. After half an hour I say, "We should start leaving." I hear her whisper, "Why?" I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at her, see that bun lower, and say, "Because we'll need to eat soon Jazmine." I hear her say, "But I brought lunch." I hear myself say, "What?" I hear her snicker, see her move away from my shoulder, and grab that backpack that's beginning to remind me of one of those cars where clowns continue to step out of and idiots that do not understand physics believe is actually possible. She opens that backpack and pulls out a brown bag and Tupperware. She starts laying the food on the blanket and I start, "How long did you expect us to," but she cuts me off with, "There's fruit in the Tupperware so we can eat that right now and we can have the sandwiches later." I say, harsher that I want to sound, "Jazmine." I see her inhale and I close my eyes. Shit.

I exhale, knowing too much is happening right now, and swallow, being familiar with the feeling of taking two steps forward and three steps back. Why do I do this to her? She's the last person that deserves my lashing out and in many respects she's the closest person to me. And, this is one of the many substantial reasons I should be questioning why we're together more so than she should. Then, I feel that warmth over my hand. I open my eyes and see her looking up at me. I see those lips move and hear her say, "I'm sorry. I know you don't like surprises and I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just wanted you to be with your parents for as long as you wanted to." I bend down, kiss those lips, and taste that flavor that, based on research done on the human flesh and the unique qualities that each person carries with them, belongs to her. I feel her push up against my lips and hear her inhale. This is the only way I know how to say this. Before, I would just turn away from her or insult her, but I decide this to be a better alternative.

I move away, see her open her eyes, lick her bottom lip and before I can kiss her again she turns away with that tint on her cheeks and I hear her whisper, "We're visiting your parents Huey." I respond, "And they know who you are." I see her turn, see her smile slowly, and wonder if she knows the only times I've ever smiled since the day they died have had to do with her, in one way or another. But I can't say any of that. I see her sit up on her knees, come up, blink as she kisses my nose, sit back down and hear her say, "You're right. Now eat some of this fruit bestie."

We eat, I tell her about my father's education, my mother not being able to finish college, and how difficult it was for them to raise us while my father finished his teaching credential and my mother worked part-time. I hear her exhale and she says, "They sound like they were really happy with how full their life was." I look over at that bun that's facing the gravestone, wanting to tell her she's being simplistic in how difficult their life was because they decided to have children before they finished their education, that based on decisions a person makes that can take a second to decide, they can alter their life forever, and that is why I have always prepared, planned, and acted on what needed to be done to accomplish my goals, but I say none of that. Because, up until last night, I knew I would not be vising this place unless I brought a bulldozer to destroy the gravestone that has no place being this close to my parents' grave, but I'm here. And, I didn't bring a bulldozer. I exhale. They're dead, that is a fact. That is a loss. There is a lesson here. I inhale the scent on that bun. I conclude, with as much certainty as I have right now, the lesson is that maybe relying on my facts and numbers, my plans and goals, isn't the only way to get through life. Maybe, possibly, relying on other people, a girl that's pricking my fingers right now, even trusting her to cover my eyes, even though I knew where we were going, and trusting her planning on how to go about this day and her faith that her planning would go well could be more than me just getting through today. It could be more than me getting through life.

I say, "Jazmine." I see her look up at me and I say, "It's time for you to put that piece of cloth over my eyes even if I can count steps and measure space." I see her smile and she says, "Okay bestie, but I have to do something first." I feel my eyebrow rise as she grabs her backpack, opens the front pocket, see her pull out an envelope and then a rock, and wonder how much lighter that backpack will be now. I see her crawl up, place the envelope below the gravestone with that rock holding down the envelope, and feel both eyebrows rise seeing Riley's handwriting on the front. I see her crawl back to me, I look down at those dark forest green eyes, and hear her say, "Okay let's go."

I feel her hands as she ties that cloth behind my head, hear her panting after she comes back from putting everything in her backpack, feel her hands over my own, and then her shoulders as she leads me out of the cemetery. I hold onto those shoulders and I exhale, and she lets me.

* * *

I close the door after Jazmine steps out of the car, bend down, look into the car and say, "Thank you." I see her smile and she says, "You welcome, and I hope you two come back soon." I nod, step back, and see her drive off. I turn and see her looking up at me. I walk up to her and say, "Are you sure?" I see her smile and she says, "Yes Huey. I think we need to be home for as long as we can to spend time with Aunt Cookie. We can do dinners and you know that other stuff when we're back in Woodcrest." I see that tint, knowing she still isn't able to say the words or even talk about us going on dates without her getting flushed. We have an entire day to spend with Aunt Cookie tomorrow. Right now, I want more, and they could all be watching another horrible movie a few blocks down from here. I look down at those lips and hear those slow breaths.

Then I hear, "Yo! We be waiting for you two to eat! Get you'll ass," but hear that voice stop. I look up and see Riley leaning on the doorframe of the front door rubbing the back of his head. Then I hear him say, "The hell C-Murph! I'm hungries!" I shake my head, hear the snicker next to me, feel that warmth around my hand, feel the pull, and I follow. As we get closer to the front door I hear Jazmine's sister say, "You knows you can't be cursing and your auntie in the kitchen!" I hear that voice pulling me say, "Sissy." I see Cindy jump, crawl under Riley's arm, and I move behind Jazmine to take the brunt of the fall knowing what's coming, but feel my eyebrow rise when I see Riley's arm go around Cindy's waist, pull her back, and say, "Cin, they just got here. Damn, let them put their things down and then your ass can hug her." I look back down at that bun as I hear that giggle, shake my head, and look back up to see Cindy getting as red as Jazmine was ten seconds ago. I'm reminded of some of those research papers I read on black and white children growing up in the same adopted family having more similarities with their adopted siblings than with their biological ones. Then, I hear her whisper, "So cute."

* * *

I sit and feel the air leaving my body, realizing how tired I am from today. I hardly did anything, physically. The other aspects of being human, the ones I know enough about to know when someone doesn't have the full capacity of their usage, those aspects of who I am, those aspects of me feel drained. The mental aspect. I inhale. That aspect was in question last time I was here and possibly has been for some time, but not enough to cause any real disturbance to my life. The emotional aspect. I exhale. That aspect of me I just don't know enough about to know if it's what people would call 'normal' or the APA would call 'healthy' and really have never cared enough to give much thought to it. But right now, after having visited their graves, and feeling some relief, some grief, but nothing more, I'm questioning if that's 'normal'. And why do I care about feeling normal? I groan, not wanting to deal with more emotions today, stand up, and go to the restroom to change into my night clothes.

Once I'm done I walk back into the living room and see Sarah sitting on the couch. I see her look at me, stand up, walk up to me, and hug me. I feel myself stiffen like I did yesterday, not being used to this from any woman in the age bracket of the woman who's grave I saw today. I exhale, remembering this is Jazmine's mother who protected her when I did not, regardless of the reasons I didn't, and I feel myself relax. I feel her let go of me and stand back. I see her smile at me, and she says, "While Jazmine's upstairs talking to her sister I wanted to tell you that when we got home yesterday, my daughter was over the moon about her day with you and today she's a bit more serious and possibly happier." She smiles and continues, "So, thank you for that because for a long time I thought what she saw wouldn't allow her to be as happy as she is right now." I feel my inhale and say, "If I would have known," but she cuts me off with, "You would've protected my daughter and me and in that he would've pressed charges and possibly manipulated the situation causing you to have a criminal record." I feel my eyebrows lower and say, "You do know my record rivaled many activists' by the time I was ten?" I hear her laugh and then she says, "Yes, but from what Jazmine tells me that was before you retired from those activities and you've had a clean record since." I inhale and say, "That wouldn't have stopped," but she cuts me off again with, "I know Huey." I exhale and she says, "But seeing you in trouble over him would've broken her heart and she couldn't have that. And, in her own way she was protecting me, allowing me the time I thought I needed to give him time to change. And that mistake I made almost got both my daughters hurt." I feel my eyebrows rise and hear her say, "That day we were in the hospital and I saw how he reacted I knew it was just a matter of time before he turned on them and I." I see her stop, see her eyes water, and she continues, "I couldn't allow that." She exhales and continues, "But that day, another fear crept up that I didn't know I would suffer from and that fear was that my daughters had both seen too much to not have that fear imprinted on their lives." I see her smile at me and she says, "But between you and your brother, in a matter of months, by two loves are happier than they've been in a long time." I feel myself exhale and she says, "So thank you." Before I can respond, I see her turn and start walking to the staircase.

I exhale, walk up to the small table by the couch, grab my phone, see it's pass midnight, and she's still upstairs. I feel my neck crack as I move it to the side and, being reminded of Tom, decide to intensify my training as soon as we're back in Woodcrest. Based on that fight I need to up my jumps to make sure I can strike over at least several people.

I hear those steps, close my eyes, not wanting to talk to him after seeing their graves today. I'm not good at emoting and although he knows that, when it comes to their deaths I think he's always wanted me to handle it differently. I hear him say, "Huey." I turn, exhale, and say, "Yes Grandad." I see him walk into the living room in his night clothes and wonder if I can use the fact that I am tired to not deal with this today and I start, "Grandad can we talk tomorrow. Today was," but he cuts me off, when he stops and says, "Boy, I know it was hard but know you did the right thing." I feel my mouth close, see him exhale, look to the side, and he says, "I ain't good at this Huey, just know that you going to see them now and not later is good. And." He stops, looks at me, and he says, "I am proud," I feel my eyebrows rise and then hear him continue, "That you and your brother ain't as misbehaved and loud like when you were kids but you still knuckleheads and stubborn as all hell." I feel my eyebrows lower and I say, "Thanks Grandad."

I see him nod, turn, and he says, "Anytime boy." I exhale, hearing him singing along to the opening song to Soul Plane two and shake my head, knowing I would not have stayed for the entirety of that movie if I didn't have my SAT book and her hand moving over my hair, making sure to stay at least two inches away from her legs. Those legs. I look up and see them stepping down on the last step of the staircase. She's wearing shorts and a small t-shirt under that robe. She always wears pants, so that even the one time I touched those thick thighs down here I felt fabric over those firm legs. I swallow, see her smile, and hear her say, "I'll start making the tea." I see her walk into the kitchen. I look down and close my eyes seeing the trouble my imagination gets me into. Shit. I have a few minutes.

* * *

After I come out of the restroom, I walk into the living room, see her putting down the cups, and see her hair is down now. I exhale and remember how long and full it is. She gives me a small smile and says, "I have CNN on, and we can just watch that while we read for a little." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her smile get bigger, and she says, "You haven't watched anything on CNN for a whole day Huey. I know you." I inhale and nod.

After half an hour of reminding myself how there isn't one network that doesn't have a political agenda, I shake my head, put down my book, get up, grab the cup I was using, grab hers, knowing it's empty, and take the cups to the kitchen. After I come back I see her book on the couch, look towards the hallway that leads to the restroom and feel my eyebrow rise when I don't see the restroom light on. She must be in the upstairs restroom. I exhale. She wanted to leave the one downstairs available so I could use it. Always thinking of others. I walk to the restroom to get ready.

After I get out, I grab the blankets, lay the ones she uses on the couch and set up my bed on the floor, which really is two blankets, a pillow, and a thicker blanket to cover myself but I hardly see it as insufficient. It's also possible I live on very little of everything. I lay down, look at the window, and see that stained-glass panel I have not looked at since yesterday. It's a stained-glass panel Aunt Cookie's husband made. It's a glass panel. Nothing more. What makes it stand out, have any significance to me is that it reminded me of something I didn't know I needed at the time. It reminded me of sanity and warmth. Warmth I did know I would need and furthermore ever want. But, I do want more today and, if I continue living the way I have, honestly and with purpose, fighting for that equality always on the horizon, I could possibly deserve that much more. I turn on my side and close my eyes, waiting for that 'more' that's in the upstairs restroom.

After three minutes I hear those light steps, hear the light switch, and see the vision behind my eyelids go completely dark. I remember I haven't moved back to be closer to the couch, feel my inhale, open my eyes looking into the darkness, put my hands down on the floor to scoot up without moving the sheets, and then I stop.

I feel that warm body, those curves, next to me and I say, "Jazmine what are you," but I stop when I feel her breathe into my neck, instinctively close my eyes, and hear her say, "You're not sleeping alone until we leave okay." I swallow and say, "Jazmine," but I stop when I feel her arm going over my side, feel her forehead on my back and hear her say, "I'm your best friend Huey. You said it twice in the last two days and I saved the time and day in my phone, so let me act like it by not letting you sleep away from me until we leave because I know you, know you're you, and know this is what you need."

An earlier thought comes back to me. The one about being normal. I exhale. This, what we are doing, bringing her to Chicago to meet my only living family, going to the cemetery to introduce her to my dead parents, having her do exactly what I need but cannot and will not ask for, after dating for only one month, regardless of what we were before that and for how long, is not normal. I inhale. When the hell have I ever wanted to be normal? If this isn't normal, if this isn't what society would deem normalcy, I do not want to be normal. I want more. I want exactly this amount of 'more'. That's why it could only be like this, with her. Because I can be me, as abnormal as I am with the exact calculated amount of the 'more' that I want, and I would have it no other way. I am who I am, regardless of what normalcy is and she is exactly what Jazmine is, willing to give me that precise amount of 'more'. And, I like that tint on her cheeks. And, I know how to make that tint appear, so I say, "I don't think best friends do this kind of thing Jazmine." I feel her face getting warm, feel my smirk, feel her shift and hear her whisper, "I know. You're also my boyfriend and I want to do this." I feel my entire body heat up and relax. A combination I haven't had before. I am her boyfriend. And she is my girlfriend after being my best friend for over five years, in ways she doesn't know she's been my best friend. I exhale, bring my hand up, and put it over that hand that's over my stomach. I feel her get closer and I inhale, stop the groan as I feel her chest brush up against my back, and I say, "Jazmine." I feel her face get warmer, feel her scoot back again, and I try not to think about how much I don't look at her chest for reasons I don't think about, allowing myself to only look at those hips for two seconds at a time. I breathe and start trying to relax. I hear her whisper, "Goodnight boyfriend." I feel that pull on my face and I say, "Goodnight Jazzy." I relax and go into that dark place where nightmares don't come anymore and know, I wanted that hand in my hair again tonight, but I decide this is exceptionally better. Exceptionally. I haven't said that word in a long time. This might even be the first time I describe anything in my life with that word. I squeeze her hand into a small fist holding it and I exhale, and she lets me.

* * *

I hear the doorbell ring and hear Grandad say, "Boy, you be making that thing work, now you gotta get the door." I roll my eyes, get up from the board game, walk over to the front door, open it, feel my eyebrow rise, turn, and walk back to the living room.

Then I hear, "Damn, that's a nice way to say hi to your friends." I sit back down next to Jazmine, feel my knee touch hers and she lets me. Then, I feel that leg disappear, look up at my brother, feeling my eyebrow rise again as I see him doing the same thing, and hear those two running over to Caesar and Hiro. I look over to the entrance of the living room, see Jazmine and her sister hugging Caesar and see him laugh as he hugs them back. I hear Hiro say, "What 'bout me?" I see that long thick afro she let me see today and those two blonde braids let go of Caesar, run over to Hiro and hug him on each side, see him get red and hear my brother cackle. Then I see those two let go of Hiro, run back to Caesar and drag him over to my brother and I, to have him sit between them.

We all sit around and continue playing the board game. After half an hour of Riley huffing and puffing and Cindy patting him on the head whenever he would lose, Riley letting her pet him, and at one point putting her head on his shoulder after calling him a sore loser that can't even play board games, I hear Caesar say, "So we moving up there." I look up, feel that hand leave my side, and see Jazmine and Cindy hug Caesar and start acting like they just adopted another sister. "When your ass moving?" I hear Cindy say, see her look up, and she says, "Sorry Aunt Cookie, I means when you moving?" I hear Caesar laugh and he says, "Wells I think by the end of the summer, hopefully before school starts so I can start with you'll." Then, I hear another voice say, "You'll be there before school starts." I look over at Sarah as she takes a sip from her tea, sitting on the couch, and then hear Jazmine say, "Of course you know mama." I look back at Jazmine, see her smirking at her mother, feel my eyebrow rise and then hear Cindy say, "Mama's got the details on lock." I look over at Caesar and see him smiling at me, knowing I'm not in on the secret, and I could ask but one, it's none of my business, and two, I'd rather find out when she tells me later while I hold those hips.

I hear that voice next to me say, "What about you Hiro? When are you coming to visit?" I hear her sister say, "Yeah Hiro, what's up with you? You be saying you gonna visit but you haven't said nothing." I look over at Hiro, see him smirk, and he says, "See these two supposed to be ma friends and you two girls are the ones that be asking about my ass." I see him look up and he says, "Sorry Aunt Cookie." I shake my head at all of them. Then I hear Caesar say, "Actually he be moving up with me and my uncle." I look over at Caesar, feeling my eyebrows rise, and then hear my brother speak my thoughts for once, "That's the shit! For real! So, you two be coming?" I close my eyes, knowing I am the only one that remembers whose house this belongs to, exhale, feel that hand on my arm, relax some, and then hear Aunt Cookie say behind me, "Huey honey, they're trying." I hear that laugh next to me and focus on that for a second.

I exhale, look up at Hiro, and say, "Explain." He rolls his eyes, moves his shoulders up and down, and says, "Tol' the fam that I wanted to go to school up there to get 'way from the fights and focus on getting into college and all that. Moment I said college they said yes to anything I want. They said they'll send money when I need it and figure out finances with Leo." I feel the excitement through her knee, look back down at the board, can't help but smirk, and consider if it's possible for emotions like excitement to be transmitted through physical contact like what's happening right now. Then I hear her whisper, "This is the best bestie." I look back up, turn to my left, see those light forest greens and I nod. She smiles at me, I hear those other four continue talking about Woodcrest, and know none of this would be possible, none of this would have happened if things did not happen as they did from the moment Aunt Cookie called that morning. I have always believed we make our own miracles and I do believe when I sent that text, when she met me on that hill, when I told her exactly what I wanted to see here, and when she said she could come with me, we created this, whatever this miracle is. Because, these two friends of mine moving up there, as we enter our tenth year of high school, still with three years left, now that Jazmine and I are together, is nothing short but a miracle. I realize it's also possible her unrealistic optimism for life is rubbing off on me, not just through her particles, but through those kisses and hugs, and as much as I want to groan at that possibility I realize I did say I wanted 'more' and maybe that god I prayed to for Shabazz, if it exists, is giving me that 'more' and laughing at my expense at the same time.

* * *

I hug her and hear her whisper, "Huey honey now you make sure to bring all of them back next year. I want that house full again." I exhale, breathing in that home cooking and nod as I hug her. After hugging everyone, which took longer this time, considering she would not let go of any of the girls, we start walking into the airport. And then, I hear Sarah say, "One more." I stop, look back and see those three running back to the van, I assume, to give Aunt Cookie another hug. I exhale, remembering Jazmine told me they all had tea in the morning during one of those first few days we were here, and they got close. I look over at my brother, see him looking back at those three that are all at the van, hugging Aunt Cookie again, see him turn to me and he says, "Nigga you gay." I exhale, knowing I cannot throw anything at him right now because I'm being watched, and it'll make it that much harder to get through security.

Then I hear, "Boy I'm only saying this once because I know you ain't as stupid as you act. You better get moving on asking baby girl to be your girl before one of those dumb niggas at that school tries to get to her." I look back at Grandad, feeling my eyebrow rise, and then hear my brother say, "Why you's on ma ass 'bout that Grandad? I still gots time." I look back at my brother, see him put down his luggage, and cross his arms over his chest. Then I hear Grandad say, "She a jewel that one and one that can handle your dumbass and some boy gonna see how much she worth and gonna take her away." I hear my brother say, "But Grandad, I means I'm just starting high school and I 'on't even care about having no girl, I just wanna play ball and chill and she is ma ride or die." I hear Grandad say, "That's the damn problem Riley. You think that's enough for her?"

I see my brother look down and away, then Grandad says, "Yeah, it isn't. And yes, you still young and I ain't saying to marry her because I'm still against marriage in all forms but I am saying that she a bit older and won't be waiting around for your ass to decide you wanna have a girl. Think about this Riley." I feel both eyebrows rise hearing Grandad's serious tone as he continues, "She's going to keep being around boys her age and as boys get older they start wanting to have girls and those dumbass niggas gonna look at her, know she don't have someone but some dumb nigga that call her his 'ride' like she a damn car, and they will ask her if she's with someone and she won't know what to say, because she isn't." I see my brother exhale, loudly, still looking away.

If someone would have asked me if Grandad could be trusted to get two people together and that relationship actually work just two months ago I would have told that person they need to be placed in a sanitarium for the delusional, but remembering what he said about Jazmine, I'm starting to consider trusting Grandad on these things. I see my brother look up at me and he says, "What you think McHater?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and say honestly, "Is there anyone else you would rather spend the amount of time you spend with her, do the things you do with her, and possibly look forward to spending more time and doing more of those things with, than her?" I could hardly care about the things they do, but I know if someone would have asked me that exact same question months ago, I would have thought about the insignificant amount of warmth I feel walking to her house in the morning, those hugs that I would beat every asshole that tries touching her for, the way she knows I like sitting in a certain place on the bus, the seat I know she lets me have so I can look out the window when I don't care what the teacher is saying, the brand of jalapenos she gets for those sandwiches, knowing I like that specific one, and the quiet walks back to my house when she lets me relax after being surrounded by clueless kids and adults who don't care what they teach at that institution, and those are just the things she does for me. There are the things she lets me have by just being her. That peace with an equal amount of honesty and purpose, that energy I feel even right now to reread another prep SAT book on the plane, the integrity I know has always been there, but I didn't acknowledge because of that family, and the cleanliness. I exhale. I feel clean right now. Just after three nights of sleeping next to her, with her hand on my stomach the last two, all three nights having her hug me from behind.

I look at my brother as he looks at me and see him doing something he doesn't do much during our conversations, thinking. Then, he says, "Thanks McHater." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing that is the second time he's thanked me and again it had to do with Jazmine's younger sister. I see him grab his luggage, turn back and start walking to the girls that are now walking towards us. I hear Grandad's footsteps and feel him standing next to me as I keep looking at them, see my brother walk up to Cindy, say something, see him look over at Sarah, say something to her, and I see Cindy getting redder than I have ever seen that girl get. I look back at Sarah, see her smile at my brother and she says, 'Of course you can'. I let my eyes travel to the left, see the smile she reserves for me, exhale, knowing the plane flight home will be quieter than the one that brought us here and hope she'll let me focus on her inhales and exhales while I read.

Then I hear, "Least he not as stubborn as your big-headed self." I look over and feel my eyebrows rise and feel my mouth open seeing him smile in their direction. I shake my head, turn, and start walking towards the security's office, knowing I will need additional time for all those damn questions and having them go through my luggage. I inhale as I walk up to that office, knowing I would not change one damn thing on that record because that record exists because my people need it to exists.

* * *

Please continue on to the next chapter which is up along with this one because I feel if I didn't do it this would be a cliffhanger.


	23. Cindy&Riley, barbecues, & possibilities

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

CHAPTER 23:

I feel my smile and can't help but know she will never know how pretty she is. I hear my sister say, "Sis, I." She stops and looks down. I get on my knees next to her bed and look up at her face that's looking down right now and I say, "Sis, what's wrong?" I see her inhale and see her eyes getting watery. I feel my eyes open, put my arms around her, and say, "What's wrong sissy? Tell me." I hear her inhale and feel the shaking of her small body. I hear her say, between sniffles, "Just, you knows. I mean." I hear the big inhale and I hug her tighter. Then she says, "You knows sis. I just I 'on't even know why his dumbass wanna take me on a date. I means I just." I hear the sniffles and I say, "Why sissy? You're the best thing ever and he knows it and that's why he wants to take you on a date." I feel her shake more and hug her even tighter not caring if she can't breathe as long as she knows I love her.

I hear a cup being placed on a table and then feel two hands on my shoulder, and hear mom say from the other side of my sister, "Baby you look beautiful and Riley will be here soon. What's wrong?" I hear my sister inhale, feel the tears on my shirt, and then hear her say, "Mama, Jazzy, I just." She inhales and hugs us, and I feel the shaking.

After a few minutes, I hear her breathing normally, feel mom pull away and so do I, and then hear mom say, "Now baby what's wrong?" I see my sister look at mom, look back down, and hear her say, "I just 'on't know mama. I means I want to go on this date I just 'on't know if I, you know, if I." She inhales and I see her chest shaking again. I grab her hand and say, "Sissy?" She looks up at me and says, "Jazzy you saw. You saw that day you's went to pick me up. You saw that shit that was there. That's wa I am. Those damn people. Why he even wanna see me like that? I can be his ride or die. I can be all that but I 'on't know if I can be more, if I, if." She stops and looks down again. I feel my eyes get big and my vision blurs knowing my sister is thinking that. I look over at mom, see her sit up, look at my sister and she says, "My love look at me." I look over at my sister, see her look up, and I inhale when I see her eyes are even redder now than they were a few seconds ago. I hear mom say, "You are my daughter." I see my sister open her mouth and she says, "But those people they ma real," but I hear mom say louder than I have ever heard her before, "No they are not! You are mine! Legally and through my heart!" I see my sister's eyes get big and see her mouth open. I hear mom say, quieter, "You are mine and only mine. You are my daughter. You belong to me. I don't care if those people ever come back or don't but if they do I will protect you, I will put them in jail and use every resource I have to make sure they never come near you again, unless they want to be your aunt and uncle in some respective way, because you have a parent that loves you and they lost the opportunity to be that." I see my sister inhale longer this time, close her eyes, and see those big tears coming down her beautiful face. Then, I see her look down, cover her face with her hands, and see her shoulders start shaking. I feel my heart breaking.

I see mom grab my sister's hands and she says, "Baby look at me." I see my sister move her head side to side and hear mom say, "Baby, I am not kidding, you look at me right now." I see my sister stop moving, bring down her hands, and look up. I feel my tears come down seeing my sister's puffy face. I hear mom say, "You think you're part of those people but you're not. You think because you were raised by them for those first few years they have some say on who you are, but they don't. You think because they were who they were you don't deserve the very best." I see my sister exhale and see her chest continue shaking. I hear mom say, "You are part of us. You are being raised by me and your big sister. And we deserve you because you are the very best daughter and sister we could have ever asked for. You are our everything. And, I only told Riley he could take you on a date because I know he knows you're not only loving and intelligent and talented, but you are the most wonderful thing that's happen to our little family. And you deserve nothing but the best and, as far as I've seen, that is what he is."

I feel my smile knowing we don't lie because our mom doesn't lie. I see my sister exhale slower and say in such a serious voice that I forget she's younger than me, "Mama's if they ever come back and they want me back and you let em' take me away from ma real mama and ma only sister, I will run away and come back to this house and knock until I wake up everyone on this damn block. Because this is ma house, and this is ma family. And." I see her stop, exhale, smile that smile at our mom and she says, "I deserves the best and what I want and this life." I grab my sister's hand, see her look at me and I say, "And I'll be knocking at the door with you sis." I see her smile at me and she says, "Where else you be?"

There's a knock on the door downstairs, we look at each other and I say, "Mama." I see her get up and she says, "Fix your little sister's hair and makeup. I'm going to tell him you need five more minutes." I grab my sister's hand and drag her into the restroom, hearing her wonderful laugh.

* * *

I say, "By ten Riley, or I'll go looking for you." I see him cross his arms over chest, smirk that Freeman smirk and he says, "See, that how I knows you a little crazy Jazzy. Your mama tol' me no curfew and I 'on't eva listen to your tiny ass. So, I'ma bring her home when I wants." I feel my eyebrows rise, open my mouth to tell him I will flip him over right now, and then I stop, when I see him smile and start laughing. I feel my head tilt, smile looking at those nice cornrows I braided a few hours ago, his button up champagne cotton dress shirt, his Rolex shinning a little more today, those dark blue jeans and I'm sure new timberlands. And, I start laughing with him.

After we stop laughing he says, "I knows Jazzy. I'll bring her home befor' ten a'ight." Then, I hear that sweet deep voice say, "Yo, I'm ready." I see Riley turn to the staircase and see his eyes get big and his mouth slowly open. I want to laugh so hard right now, but it's not the right time. I want them to enjoy themselves tonight and not start off with me making fun of how he looks right now with this mouth open like a fish trying to breathe in water. But first, I need to leave them alone.

I get up, walk up to my sister, making sure to not obstruct Riley's view of her in her sleeveless dark blue khaki choker neck lattice dress that stops just two inches above her knees. She decided on black suede open toe booties when I told her she could not wear converse, no matter how well they would match the dress. I also told her she was going to have her hair down and she was going to wear makeup because we agreed that if she decided on both those things for me on my date with Huey, I would get to decide that for her next date. She thought she was getting away with something thinking I was going to forget by the time she went on a date. Yes, back then we didn't know Riley would be the next date, but still, she agreed I would decide on her hair and makeup. I still can't believe he did that. Walked right up to her in the middle of an airport, told her, didn't ask, told her, as soon as we got back home he was taking her on a real date, a real date he emphasized, and then asked my mom if that was okay with her. In his own very Riley way, he was being a gentleman, asking my sister in front of mom and then asking mom if he could. So, tonight is special, and I told her no braids no matter how much I even love them. I look at the pretty hair that reaches her lower back, in those natural waves that look like the ocean her eyes remind me of and notice how right mom was about the light blue eyeshadow, with deep dark eyeliner. No lipstick, just a little lip gloss. Rose colored blush. And, of course, the purse our mom got her for her birthday this year I can see her holding on to.

As I pass her I whisper into her ear, "I love you sissy. You deserve the best and what you want." I step behind her and start walking up the stairs.

* * *

I ask, "So what do you wanna watch tonight sis?" I feel her move so I look down, see her smirking up at me, I smirk back, and I say, "Fine." I grab the control and look for the saved file with her favorite show. I press play and hear the opening song. I smile, feeling my sister's head moving to the beat of 'Battlecry'. I look up, see Mugen, and can't help but smile at that hair.

Then I hear my sister say, "Mama can we have a barbecue this weekend, befor' we be sent back to the torture buildings, you knows so we can eat hamburgers and invite the guys?" I feel my head tilt and look back down at my sister and remember her saying something like that months ago. That was before Chicago, before coming back home, before her and Riley started dating, and before she met grandma. Well, over the phone.

I look over at mom, see her look up from some papers, knowing she's behind at work because of our vacation but she doesn't want to tell us. I see that smile, know what she's thinking about, and then she says, "Of course baby. We'll go to the grocery store on Friday and we can have it on Saturday."

I hear my sister say, "Okay mama but we gotta be home befor' we gotta call grandma cuz it be the end of the month." I smile down at my sister and then hear mom say, "That's right baby. We'll go to the store as soon as I'm home and then we can call grandma." I look up at my mom, see her continue reading through her papers as she sits on the couch under my sister's legs and I hear her continue, "We'll go see her during your winter break because she wants to see her granddaughters." I know why grandma didn't want us to go, saying we had already been away from home for too long and we needed to get ready for school, but it's still sad. But, I'm glad we told her we would make sure to call her on the last Friday of the month from now on. I can't wait until she meets my sister in person. And, Huey. I feel my lips twist. I wonder if they can go with us to Louisiana during winter. I mean it's only fair since we went to Chicago and all and Huey's all about being fair.

Then, I hear my sister say, "Sissy, we gotts to tell the guys 'bout the barbecue." I look down and say, "Okay. We'll just text them after the first episode's over." I see her smirk and then hear her say, "Yeah, I knows you like that big afro looking hair on Mugen." I feel my cheeks getting warm and I say, "Well a little and Huey does have that hair." I see my sister smile at me and then I say, "Like you don't like how Jin's hair is long and pulled back, almost like cornrows." I see her smile not leave but I do see her cheeks getting red and then she says, "Yeah, you's right."

I want to laugh, so I do. I can't help it. And then I hear my sister and mom laughing. I just can't believe we're this okay with talking about them now. I mean it's like in just a few weeks of us being back everything's changed. First their date, which turned into another date, and then now just hanging out like normal. I think they're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but she told me they're not labeling it just yet.

Then we hear a knock on the door, and we all stop laughing. It's pass ten o'clock and Huey left back home a few hours ago. I look over, see mom putting down her papers, see my sister move her legs to let mom stand, and then see mom walk over to the closet. I see her grab the bat from the closet, walk over to the door, look through the peep hole, and see her start laughing. I look down at my sister and see her eyebrow rise. I look back, see mom put down the bat, open the door, cross her arms over her chest, and she says to whoever is standing at the door, "We're supposed to be having lunch tomorrow not tonight." I look down at my sister, start snickering, and hear my sister doing the same thing. Then I hear Leo say, "That's very true, and we will still be having lunch tomorrow, but I was visiting across the street and these boys just would not stop talking about your daughters and so here we are." I look back up, see mom shake her head, and open the door wider. Then, I see Leo walk in followed by Caesar, Hiro, Riley and then finally, I exhale, and see Huey. After walking in, I see him look at me, see him cross his arms over his chest, and see him look away doing that thing I like with his lips. Why is he uncomfortable? And, how does he look cute in just a black hoodie, green cargo pants, and black converse? I swallow and look away, knowing we're not alone and I was staring at him.

I feel my sister's silky hair leaving my hands, turn back and see her sit up next to me on the couch, cross her arms over the chest and hear her say, "Damn Riles. We just played ball today. You miss ma ass already?" I start snickering knowing my sister likes embarrassing him but then I remember he likes embarrassing her to and I hear him say, "Whateve's C-Murph. Your ass be texting me the moment I walked into ma house." I see my sister look away and down and see that tint on her cheeks. I look up and feel my eyebrow rise when I see Riley sit on the floor, next to my sister's legs. I see my sister swallow and see her scoot up just a little closer to Riley.

Then, I feel that warmth next to my leg, look down and see Huey open one of my mom's books, I'm sure he got from the bookshelf in the living room, and start reading. I can feel his shoulder and his entire arm next to my leg and feel my face getting beet red knowing he is not this affectionate in public. I mean yes, these are his friends but still. And yes, we touch a little in public, maybe our knees, or me putting my hand on his shoulder or arm when I want his attention, but that's it. We keep the cuddling between us, on the couch when no one's home or on our hill. But never in public, even with friends or at his aunt's house. There was the time Caesar walked in on us when we were sitting next to each other and Huey had his arm around my shoulders but that only happened because we thought everyone was busy and wouldn't be walking in on us. And, thankfully, Caesar hasn't brought it up. Then again, Caesar's starting to get really close to my sister and me and I don't think he would embarrass us like that. I mean he even went to the mall with my sister and me last week as a 'thank you' for talking to him that day. We kept telling him he didn't have to, but I think he actually wanted to hang out with us. I forget that Huey and Riley have been around for a while and Hiro has a sister, so they've all had girls around them, but Caesar doesn't have any brothers or sisters and probably likes being around my sister and me because of that. God, Caesar. He cried so much that day and my sister and I just hugged him and let him tell us about that girl and how much he liked her and how he was going to transfer to her school this year if that's what she wanted. I exhale. He deserves a sweet girl that will know how special he is.

Then I hear, "So Jazzy girl you were gonna let me meet your friends and I haven't seen one." I look up from my thinking and that afro that I want to touch right now, smile at Caesar, and say, "School hasn't started Caesar. I promise to introduce you to a few nice girls at school okay." I see him smile at me that smile that reminds me of his uncle. His uncle. I look over and see mom in the kitchen, probably making tea, with Leo standing next to her. He looks just like Caesar, just a little taller, with a fade instead of the dreadlocks, and at almost six feet tall he towers over mom who's only 5'4". He's really buff to I just noticed. I know Huey told me he can also fight like the rest of them and I already know he's a good person with how Caesar talks about him. So, he's a good person and I know can defend mom if anyone ever tries anything with her. I can't help but smile at how he looks at her and then feel a little sad that there was once a time Tom did look at her like that, but that was a long time ago. I see mom look back at Leo and see that sparkle in her baby blue eyes. She's happy. That's all I want. That's all my sister and I want. My sister.

I look back down at my little sister, sitting next to Riley, who's scrolling through the movies, and see that tint on both of them. I want to laugh. They're so cute sometimes. Then I hear, "You be introducing ma ass to some cute ones to right?" I look back and before I can answer Hiro I hear my sister say, "Wells we were gonna tell Riles and McHater later tonight and they could tell you guys but we gonna have a barbecue on Saturday and I guess, we can invite some more people." I feel a hand on my ankle, feel my cheeks getting warm, and then I say, trying to focus on anything but that hand, "Sissy, we haven't seen Ming so that would be nice." I see her look at me, see her open her eyes, and she says, "Sis we can invite ma team. Shit, haven't seen them forever." Then, I hear in such a serious tone that I'm not sure if it really came from him say, "Who be coming?" I see my sister look back down at Riley and she says, "Ma team Riles." I see him exhale, then look back up at the TV, and continue going through the movies.

Then I hear Caesar say, "So, they be cute? Cuz I want me a nice girl like you Jazzy that can play ball like Cin." I hear my sister say, "Yeah they can all play ball but I 'on't know 'bout none of 'em being cute, just know I like 'em." I look back at the guys and see them looking at each other smirking and can't help but be worried.

* * *

I cannot believe how many more people are here. This is awesome. I put my head on that shoulder next to me, feel it relax, knowing he doesn't like being around these many people, and then I hear Caesar say, "So, you be new at the school to?" I look over to my left and see Caesar smiling at Ming. I see Ming look away, which I don't remember her doing last time we hung out, and then she says, "Yeah. I just moved here to and I'll be going into tenth with you all." I hear Caesar say, "Cool. Jazzy and Cin didn't tell us you just moved." I see Ming look up at me, smile, then look at my sister and she says, "What you two say about me?" I say, "That you're nice because you are." I hear my sister say, "And you cool as fuck." I see Ming smirk at my sister.

Then I hear Caesar say, "Didn't say where you from though." I see Ming look back at Caesar and see her blush. I know I don't remember her blushing last time, even at the party with all the guys from school that were trying to talk to her. It's actually really cute, like when my sister blushes. I also remember, she said none of the guys at that party were cute. I wonder if she thinks Caesar's cute. I hear Ming say, "Yeah, well Ohio was the last place. Before that it was a bunch of places but mostly California and then Colorado. Kinda seems like my family been getting further away from China since we left." I look over at Caesar and hear him say, "So why you move up here anyways?" I hear Ming say, "It's a long and complicated story that needs a whole episode on some messed up show about gangs, girls, and breakups." I see Caesar's eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and can't help to think maybe that's a thing between the guys, because they all do that to us girls. I hear Caesar say, "So? We gots time." I want to laugh but I don't want to embarrass Caesar.

But I look around at the girls in the team and see them all scoot up. I hear that exhale next to me, know he's been reading for more than an hour and needs a break. So, I move up to his ear, whisper, "It's time for a ten-minute break okay." I feel him shift, but don't let it stop me from reaching over, marking the page, closing the book for him, and then putting it down on his lap.

I look back up, see Ming look around, smile, and she says, "Well you all been cool, and I'm damn sure I'm on the team, so I guess it's alright." I see Caesar move up, see Ming blush again and look down, then she starts, "We moved to Ohio when I went into seventh. My parents said it would be the last move and I wanted that cuz it's hard making friends over and over. So, I started seventh. Met some cool people, got on the basketball team, made friends, and everything was alright. Then in eighth I met a new guy at the school. He was cool. Gave him a shot. Started dating. Like I didn't think it would last until high school, but still, I was only seeing him, and I just thought that's how couples are, even if it's not that serious. They just see each other." I look over at Caesar and, instead of looking sad like I thought he would, thinking about his ex-girlfriend, I see him smiling. I hear Ming say, "So we saw each other for a while. At school mostly, cuz it's middle school, and my parents were pretty strict at the time. I mean they knew about him but told me I had to focus on school and playing ball and I'm their only kid and we're close, so I listened to them." I see her exhale, look away, and she says, "He wanted more. I didn't. I mean we were like thirteen. He was going too damn fast. So, I told him to slow it down. He said he was cool with it. And everything seemed fine." I see her inhale and then she says, "Then one day after school, some girl and a bunch of her homegirls from some gang from another school, walked up to me 'bout a block away from my house, said she was that asshole's other girl and I better stay away from him. I said a few things back and then they all jumped me." I feel my eyes get big and hear Caesar say, "What happened?" I see her look up at him, purse her lips, and she says, "Well, they didn't know I could defend myself enough to give a good few swings, so some of them left with bruises but I blacked out." I hear my inhale, feel that hand touch my thigh for a second and I relax.

I hear my sister's sweet voice say, "Ming, we can take a road trip and beat the shit outta all of 'em." I see Ming look over at my sister, smirk, and she says, "I know Cin. But I got my revenge already." She exhales, looks down, and says, "So when I woke up in the hospital my parents said we were moving. I told them I didn't wanna move. I finally had friends at that school, was on the basketball team, and I was doing alright in my classes. They said fine but if anything else happened we'd move." I hear Samantha say, "Well you are their only kid Ming. Shit, I'd move to." I see Ming look over, smirk, and she says, "Yeah. Should've listened to them." I see her look down again and she says, "So after a week of staying at home, having the school send my assignments to the house, I decided to go back to school." I see her inhale, look up, I think remembering something and she says, "I stepped into the school and first thing I saw was that asshole with that girl." I look over and see Caesar's eyebrows lower. I look back at Ming and hear her say, "Yeah. She moved to that school in that one damn week. She didn't even know that asshole had been calling me that week and I just didn't know how I felt so I hadn't called him back. But, I walk in and there he is, sucking face with her." I hear Riley say, "That some fucked up shit man." I see Ming look up at him, nod, and she says, "Yeah, it was. So, I walked up to them, pulled her off of his ass, swung at her temple, watched her fall back, and then swung at him."

I hear Caesar snicker and say, "Damn that's hot." I see Ming look down, blush, swallow, and she says, "I kinda don't remember the rest. I know someone pulled me off of him and then I was in the principal's office." I see her exhale, sad I think, and she says, "We were all there, with security standing there making sure nothing happened. I remember looking at his ass and knowing I deserved better. That I did nothing but tell his ass he needed to wait, and he couldn't. I mean I get people be doing that shit when they're even younger. I know. But, I just wasn't ready. And anyways, what's so wrong with just hanging out, playing ball, listening to music and just eating bacon all fucken day long, cuz pork is the shit." I hear the inhale next to me, knowing he can hardly stand smelling it and with the patties going and now talking about pork it's probably going to make him sick. So, I put my hand on his lower back, start with the 'A', and hear him exhale.

I hear my sister say, "We can still beat the shit outta 'em Ming." I see Ming look up, smile at my sister, and she says, "Yeah but I swung so hard at her she might still have a bruise." I see Ming look down, exhale, and she says, "So, I talked to the principal that day, who just happen to be a little racist that bitch. She told me if I would've dated someone that was more like me this wouldn't have happened. The fuck does that even mean?" I see her shake her head and she says, "So when my parents got there, they stepped into her office, I stepped out and waited for them to talk to her." I see her purse her lips and then she says, "That asshole was still there, I guess waiting to talk to the principal. But it look like those two had gotten in a fight while I was in there cuz they were sitting at opposite ends of the room." I see her swallow and she says, "So I walked up the door and stood there waiting for my parents cuz I didn't wanna sit next to either one of them." I see her look up again, remembering again I think, and she says, "After a few minutes, that asshole got up, walked up to me and started begging my ass to take him back. Something about not knowing how good I was." I see her roll her eyes, close them, exhale, open them and she says, "I told him exactly what I had been thinking that whole time. Told him I deserved better. Someone that actually fucken listened to what I said, even if that shit's boring sometimes, would at least fucken remember when my games were, and just wanted to hang out on Saturday mornings eating my attempts at stir fry, watching stupid TV shows, and not pushing me to do something I was not fucken ready for. Shit. I mean if someone's wanting to just be with you, why not just wanna be with them and just be good to them. I mean I know we were young, and I still am, but maybe moving so much just made me grow up too fast. I don't know."

I hear Caesar say in such a low voice it doesn't sound like his happy self, "He was a fucken idiot." I see Ming look at Caesar, look down, blush again, smile, and she says, "Yeah he was. So, after saying that I walked out of the office and stood outside waiting for my parents." I see her exhale, smirk looking at the ground, and she says, "I heard my parents when they were leaving the principal's office. They were talking in Mandarin and I can still understand it, even if it's been years since I've used it. They were saying how that racist bitch didn't know what she was talking about and I could date whoever I wanted." I see her stop, exhale, and she says, "Then I heard that asshole trying to talk to them, asking them to talk to me about taking him back and that he would be good to me and help me with me getting better at balling and would even help me study. My parents told him that they liked him because he was nice, and I seemed happy and that's all they wanted but no one disrespected me and if they ever saw him again they would call the police and tell them he was harassing me. And when they walked out, I hugged them, told them they were the best fucken parents ever, you know without the cursing, and told them I'd move to anywhere they want."

I see her look up, look around, and I look around and see all the girls and guys looking at her, some with their mouths open, and then I hear my sister say, "And now you be here with us Ming. And you be cool as fuck." I see Ming look over my sister, smile and she says, "Thanks Cin. Yeah. My parents thought Woodcrest sounded nice. So, we packed in less than a week, told me to not worry about finishing up the semester, rented a house, and now we're up here. And I decided, moving up here, that I was gonna leave that shit behind because it was nothing. What happened in Ohio was nothing. They were nothing, there was nothing there, and I was better than that. I was gonna meet people, have fun, and play ball." I hear Caesar say, "Well you sure as hell ain't nothing." I see Ming look over a Caesar, see her blush cover her face, smile, and she says, "Thanks Caesar." I see her swallow, look away, and she says, "I'm actually looking forward to the first day of school."

I hear my sister's voice say, "Damn that some'ing Ming. But you here now and you betta remember that first day to come look for us in the cafeteria or look for the team. Everybody else at that school be dumb as fuck." I feel my smile, look over at my sister, see my sister smile at me, and then she says, "What sis? You know it be true." I start laughing, hear Riley start laughing, and a few other people in the group, of course with Riley's laughter over them. Then I hear Riley say, "C-Murph Jazzy be looking at your ass cuz you be cursing as fuck in your mama's house all day." I see my sister look at Riley and she says, "No she ain't Riles. She be looking at me cuz she ma sis. And anyway, ma sis love me and ain't gonna tell our mama. And shit, you be cursing all day to." I hear my sister continue, "Think your ass got worse since we came back Reezy."

Then I hear Ming say, "So did you all hang out a lot in Chicago?" I open my mouth to respond but then I hear Caesar say, "Yeah, whenever it was about eating or throwing it down with fools that be thinking they can handle." I look over at Caesar and can't help but smile at how much he's showing off in front of Ming. I remember how he was having fun meeting people, but the moment Ming walked in he has not stopped looking at her, sitting next to her, and asking her questions. Reminds me of his uncle so much. I look up to the right and see Leo standing next to Grandad in front of the grill and I see mom and Ms. Lola talking by the table with all the food. I'm glad mom decided to stay home and not work today.

Then I hear someone say, "So what, you guys can't stop hanging out with each other even during the summer?" I look over and see Miranda looking at my sister. I feel my eyes squint, not really knowing where she's going with that question, but not liking how she asked. I don't like people talking to my sister like that. I know after that night she knows she deserves nothing but the best, but I can't help being protective of her, especially because I didn't know she was feeling like that. I need to protect her. I feel my inhale and then feel that warm hand over my hand, not sure when my hand went from being on his back to holding on to the armchair. I look down feeling that hand over mine, feel my eyes get big, knowing he's doing this in front of my sister's team, and then I remember what Miranda said and I look back up.

I hear my sister's voice in that same tone Riley used a few days ago say, "'Course we can't. We come in a four-mother fucken package of ass whooping so we gonna be together all damn summer and any other fucken time of the year." I know my sister and she only uses that many curse words in one sentence when she's mad. I hear Miranda say quieter this time, "Look Cindy I know you're all friends but people gonna be thinking you be more than that, specially if you're hanging out the first day of school." I hear my sister say, "What you mean Miranda, like me and ma sis who are sisters, or me and McHater who I punk cuz he ma bro, or me and Riles, who I announced in the fucken cafeteria be coming this year? Who can I not be hanging with on the first day?" I should feel bad for Miranda because I know that's the McPhearson voice, but she's practically telling my sister who she can and cannot hang out with.

I hear Miranda say, "I mean no one's gonna say anything about the people you hung out with last year, but I mean." She stops and looks away. I hear Riley's voice say, "You mean ma ass." I see Miranda look up at Riley, squint her eyes and I feel my inhale and then that hand over mine squeeze. I know he can defend himself, but Riley is one, a Freeman, who will not defend himself against a girl, two, half of the team that taught my sister and I how to defend ourselves and how to shoot, and three, as close to a little brother I think I'll ever have. But, he and my sister can defend themselves, so I exhale. I feel his fingers going between my fingers and feel my cheeks getting warm.

I hear Miranda say, "Cindy look. We on the same team and I'm just looking out for you." I see my sister exhale and she says, "So you telling ma ass that I shouldn't hang out with ma family and friends cuz people gonna think whatever the fuck they want?" I hear Miranda start, "Cindy it's just that," but then she's cut off by Riley when he says, "It's just that people gonna think Cin and I be together and your ass 'on't want that." I see Miranda look at Riley and she says, "You know you're like a year younger than her and people talk about how many girls you've dated like you're some kind of player?" I hear my sister say, "Who the fuck cares 'bout," but then I see Riley put his hand over my sister's hand that's holding on to her armchair, see her close her mouth, and see that tint cover her entire face that reminds me of when she was ten. I hear someone inhale, I think Miranda, but can't stop looking at how cute my sister looks right now.

Then I hear Riley say, "Miranda, I'ma tell you this one time, so fucken listen up." I feel my eyes get big hearing Riley and then he continues, "One, you 'on't fucken know me so you can think whatever the fuck you want, two, I 'on't give two shits about what your damn school thinks about ma ass cuz I'ma be there to ball, help that team win and look good so their asses can keep up with your team, and three, don't you ever talk to Cindy like you know her and been there since day one. We are what we are and them dumbasses at your school wanna think we together or ain't that's there fucken business. And, I'ma be fucken straight and tell your ass I know you be tripping cuz your ass be into Cin for a long fucken minute and I knows why." I look over at Miranda, see her look away and then I hear Riley continue, "I been at your fucken school and watched what be walking out. The girls on your team be a'ight but there ain't nothing like C-Murder there, maybe Jazzy, but her ass like a lil' sis to me and I just can't see her like that. But, I knows. Cin the best. And if any of those jocks and rich dicks or anyone try shit with Cin they will know exactly who is Young Reezy. Just like McHater did for me, I'ma be there to take care of Cin and Jazzy cuz that's how we roll. And only reason I be telling you all this and not just how dumb your ass sound right now is cuz you are on Cin's team and the only way to have good form on the court is for your asses to be cool." I see Riley stop, exhale, look away, and then back at Miranda, focus those Freeman eyes, and he says, "And, I 'on't give a shit what you like. You still a female and I respect them unless they be really fucken stupid. So, from here on pick what side you wanna be on. The one where you win games or the one where you fuck up the form."

I realize it's so quiet right now I can hear Grandad telling Leo he's leaving the patties on the grill for too long and Ms. Lola telling mom about going for a walk at the park last week. Then I hear a voice I haven't heard most of the day say, "So patriot we ain't hear from you yet." I look across from me and see Hiro looking over at Lauren. I see Lauren look down, see her blush, and she says, "Yeah, it's my dad's shirt. He's a Patriot's fan."

I realize that tension in the air is leaving, know Huey is still holding my hand, and wonder if he's going let go, then I remember, like the hamster I can be, Hiro just gave us the chance to change the subject, so I say, "Well what did you do this summer Lauren? Anything fun?" I see her look up at me and see her hazel eyes that stand out because of her jet black hair and chocolate colored skin. I see her smile at me, see her relax, probably because I'm asking and not Hiro, who I think is making her nervous, and she says, "My family and I went to Puerto Rico to visit my grandparents who live by the beach, so I got to hang out there all summer. It was nice." I hear Hiro say, "So you Puerto Rican?" I see Lauren look away, blush again, bring her hand up and move her hair behind her ear and she says, "Yeah. My family's from there and I love going to visit my grandparents."

Then I hear Samantha, say, "Damn, shit, we'll at least you did something fun. I went out with a guy to the movies and when I told him I was on the basketball team for my school he said he couldn't see me again because he didn't want his friends knowing he was seeing a girl that played ball." I hear Ming say, "For real?" I hear Samantha exhale and hear her say, "Yeah. Didn't like him that much so it didn't hurt a lot, but still, it was messed up." I hear Ming say, "I know. It is hard to find a nice guy that wants to go out with a girl that can play a sport, any sport, and it not make them feel shitty for whatever reason." Then I hear Caesar say, "We out there." Then I see Ming look down and see her blush again. I have to talk to Caesar. Poor girl.

Then I hear Samantha say, "Yeah, I thought about dating a jock at school but they're all players." I hear Lauren say, "Yeah, don't date those. It's just a bad experience." I hear another voice I haven't heard for a while now say, "What happened Lauren?" I see Lauren look up at Miranda, see her look away, and she says, "I also went on a date this summer, after coming back, with a jock at our school and it was just a bad time." Then I hear my sister's sweet voice say, "Lauren, he be dead tomorrow if he touch one of ma girls. Who was it?" I see Lauren look up, smile at my sister, and she says, "I know Cin. I'm fine. He tried kissing me. I said no. He tried it again, so I grabbed my keychain alarm, put it next to his ear and pressed it." I hear the girls start laughing and I laugh with them.

After the laughing stops I hear my sister say, "Damn girl. He probably deaf right now." I hear Lauren say, "Yeah, it happened weeks ago so I'm sure Derek's fine now." I look up at my sister, see her look at me, and see her look down at Riley. I feel that hand over mine getting warm, so I move my hand from under his and put it over his hand and squeeze it. I hear him exhale. I know he was okay with the Derek thing a few months ago, and I think Riley and he did something that made Derek not show up at school that last week, but a lot has happened since then, like the whole Cairo thing, and I don't know if he's still sensitive about that, even if he doesn't think he's sensitive. And, I told him I would always protect him from things that could hurt him, and I don't want the Derek thing hurting him. So, I start drawing shapes over his hand, not caring that we're in public. He needs this. I hear him exhale longer. I look over at my sister and smile, seeing her pricking Riley's fingers. I wonder if either one of them knows they're doing that right now. Then I hear Lauren say, "Yeah. I knew Derek had a bad rep, which is why I didn't wanna go out with him, but he wouldn't stop calling. I don't even know how he got my number."

I hear Ming say, "Damn, what's this school like? I mean do I have to carry pepper spray down the hallways? I mean I know some self-defense and how to give a few good swings but still." Then I hear Caesar say, "I could teach you some more if you want. You know, after a movie or getting something to eat." I see Ming look back at him, blushing even more, and before I can pull Caesar away to tell him he's being too pushy I hear Ming say, "Okay."

* * *

I shiver and feel his arms tighten around me. I smile and look over the expanse of downtown Woodcrest and say, "Are you excited about next week?" I feel his warm breath by my ear and hear him say, "No."

I giggle and say, "How about being excited about everyone being at school with us?" I hear him exhale through his nose. I roll my eyes but then feel him squeeze just a little more.

I exhale remembering he speaks in actions. I think this means he's excited we'll be there, together. I feel my smile get bigger. I look up and say, "There's the North Star bestie." I feel him shift, feel his head leave my shoulder and then hear him inhale and say, "You remembered." I respond, "Of course. You reminded me on our first date. In Aunt Cookie's backyard."

After a few minutes I hear him say, "That." I feel him exhale and continue, "It was nice." I feel my cheeks getting warmer. Did he just say what we did in his aunt's backyard was nice? That's like getting some kind of an award coming from Huey.

I exhale and start remembering everything. That morning here, the plane flight, the barbecue, the courts, our date, his parents, the last three nights that we slept next to each other. Then I remember I had a question and I say, "Bestie, on that last day before we left, when I woke up you were looking at me and I thought I heard you say thirty-three. Why did you say that?" I hear him say, "Your freck." He stops and I feel him inhale. I feel myself getting beet red. Was he going to say my freckles? Did. He. Count. Them?

We're quiet for a few more minutes. I don't know what to say. Then I remember he was my best friend before my boyfriend. If we were still only best friends, what would I say right now? I exhale, smile, and say, "Did you count my freckles bestie?" I feel him exhale, feel him scoot back, and then feel his forehead between my shoulder blades. I start giggling, hear him groan, which only makes me giggle more, and then I hear myself say, "I miss sleeping next to you." I stop, inhale, close my eyes and my mouth. Why did I just say that? Oh god.

After another few minutes I hear him say, "I." He stops. I feel his head on my shoulder again, feel his chest behind my back, and hear him whisper, which I'm still getting used to with him, "Yes."

I feel my inhale, knowing he just said he misses sleeping next to me to. I'm stronger today and I think I have a little more courage today to. So, I look for the North Star again, see it sparkle, making me think of my mom's eyes, swallow, and I say, "We'll we were best friends and you do have your own room now, so I could ask my mom if just maybe on the weekends," but he cuts me off with, "No."

I inhale, exhale, and continue exhaling, trying to focus on that. I know why. My mom trust Huey but it's because it's Huey. He's Huey. And, she trust me, but I've also never asked her if I could sleep over someone's house, other than my sister's before she moved in. And, Huey's my boyfriend. And, I'm happy with that. I'm starting to realize, after everything that's happened in the last year, I don't need as much as I used to. When I was a kid, before Tom became as mean as he did, I got anything I wanted. I was spoiled. I never got the most expensive stuff, but anything I wanted, clothes, shoes, electronics, if I asked for it, I would probably get it. But, I was also really lonely. I didn't have my sister yet. And then, after Huey and Riley moved in, and I met my sister, and everything was really good, really really good, Tom started getting mean. He started being mean. I exhale. So, I stopped asking for anything. I knew. I knew if I did get any material stuff, I would still be lonely because I couldn't talk to my best friend about what was going on at home. And, my sister didn't know how bad it was until later. So, I just stopped asking for stuff. Stopped asking for clothes or anything I didn't really need. I just knew none of those things would make me happy. I was always lonely in one way or another. First, when I didn't have my sister and friends and then, when I couldn't talk to them about what was going on at home.

I exhale, smile, and know I am happy right now. Because I have everything I need and everything I want. I have so much. I have my home with my mom who I think is happy with a nice person she has lunch with once a week, my sister who's the best sister in the entire world and is happy and growing, Riley, who I'm starting to rely on more and more everyday to make me laugh and help protect my sister, my friends who were all there at the barbecue today and all make me feel like there's no reason to not be laughing at every second of every day, and then Huey. I exhale, look back at the North Star, and know I can live off the little that I have today, with no expensive stuff or extra of anything, because I have more than I have ever had.

Then, I hear that voice next to my ear say, "It's only right if I ask." I turn, see those dark burgundy eyes that will be auburn in a few hours and I say, "Ask what bestie?" I see him look down at my lips I think as the moon makes his cheekbones stand out more right now, and hear him say, "For you to stay over the night." I swallow, look down at those lips, and wonder if I'll ever say no to him. Do I even want to say no? Focus Jazmine. I feel my smile, knowing this is what I want to focus on. I move in, tilt my head, breathing in his air, feel my throat dry and lick my lips.

I feel his lips on mine and know he kissed me. So, I push back on those lips. I turn my body towards him, sit up on my knees, open my mouth just enough, feel him open his, and I let my tongue go into his mouth, searching. Then, I close my eyes when I taste his tongue. I feel those hands on my waist and feel myself shiver, but not because I'm cold. I want that hair. So, I put my hands on those broad shoulders and hear him groan. I think he likes my hands there. So, I leave them there. I'll get that hair later.

Then, I hear my phone ring. I pull away and start giggling again, hearing him groan into my shoulder. I grab my phone from my front pocket, press answer, and put it next to my ear.

"Baby where are you?" I hear mom say. I say, "At the hill with Huey. I'll be home soon. Is everything okay mama?" I hear mom say, "Yes baby, everything's fine. I know you're safe. Just don't come home too late because you want to get a good night sleep so we can all go shopping tomorrow for any school supplies and clothes your sister and you need." I smile and say, "Okay mom. I'll be home soon." I hear her say, "Okay baby. I love you." Then she hangs up.

I put my phone in my pocket and then I hear that deep monotone voice say, "Can you stay over tonight?" I look down to my left, see his ear, feel my cheeks getting warm, and I say, "That's up to you bestie. I mean you said you would want to ask my mom and I just need to be up tomorrow to go shopping with my sister and," but I stop, feeling him move back, and hear him say, "Okay". I see him get up, feel his hands on my arms, pulling me up, feel that warm hand around my right one and start following him as he pulls me down the hill. I look up, see that hair moving back and forth, looking a little more relaxed right now but that could just be in my imagination. I keep going down, see that sweater he's wearing today, reminding me how good it looks on him, and feel my smile remembering he wore it to that fight. I inhale thinking of how scared I was that night because I didn't want anyone getting hurt or them finding out my sister was up in that tree with me. I see him look back at me like he did that first day of school last year and many other times when he was pulling me away from danger or just pulling me. I see him look me up and down, making me blush, see him open his mouth, and close it. I feel that squeeze in my hand.

He's not good with words, at least not ones about feelings. But I am, and I remember I need to tell him before school starts, before this summer ends, so I say, "Thank you for taking me to Chicago." I feel him stop on the sidewalk and I walk into his back, feeling his hand that's still holding mine brush against my hip. I see those shoulders stiffen. So, I move my hand out of his, and crawl my hands around his torso so I can hug him from behind. I feel him exhale and then I hear him say, "Jazmine I." He stops. So, I put the side of my face on his back, hearing him breathe, hear him swallow, and then he says, "Thank you for." I feel his chest expand, and then hear him say, "Meeting them."

His parents. I close my eyes, smelling that Irish Spring soap that I can smell through his sweater even after a whole day of being at a barbecue, and I say, "Of course bestie. I can't wait to go back." I hear that inhale, feel that exhale leave his body, feel his hand over my own, squeezing it into a fist, like he did those last two nights we slept together, and remember we might do that tonight. I don't know if he's thinking the same thing, but then I hear him say, "It's late. We should hurry so I can talk to your mother." I feel my cheeks getting warm, nod, and I follow him to my house.

* * *

I look up and see my sister smirking at me. I say, "Sis?" I see her smile and she says, "Have fun with ma bro sis, but remember you ma big sis and if he try anything with your ass I'll kill him." I start laughing, drop my bag on the floor, walk up to her, hug her, smelling her hair, and say, "I know sis. And that's what I'll say to his brother when you start sleeping over." I feel her shift so I pull away, see her smirking, looking away, and she says, "Can't believe his ass said that shit to Miranda." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "You are his girlfriend." I see her look up at me and she says, "Wells we just dating Jazzy and I 'on't know, just taking it slow you know. I means I didn't say shit to ma girls cuz I didn't know if he wanted peoples finding out at school. I means Riles kinda private 'bout that shit." I smile and say, "Sissy, with that jealous Freeman streak and how pretty you are, people will know before the end of the month, maybe even sooner." I see that tint on her cheeks, see her smirk, and she says, "I love you to sis." She's not good with compliments so I say, "I love you to and remember you're smart, talented, and really pretty. Don't ever forget that." I see her nod and smile that smile she gives mom and me.

There's a knock on the door, see it open, and see mom walk in. I see her smile at me and she says, "Sit baby." I see my sister get up and then hear mom say, "No love, you stay to." I see my sister move over, giving me room on the edge of the bed. I sit and see mom sit on the desk chair facing my sister and me.

I see her exhale, smile, and she says, "I know we've talked about sex before. I don't ever want that being a taboo in this house. It wasn't in grandma's house, which I think is the reason why I waited until I was older, knowing what it was and wanting it to happen when I was ready, unlike a lot of kids that had started during the beginning of our college prep years." I hear my sister say, "Mama is that like high school?" Mom responds, "No baby. That's when schools were administered into two different schools. There was elementary up to the sixth grade and then we all started what you call high school and we called college preparatory in seventh grade." I hear my sister say, "So, if you saying kids be having sex when you started there, that mean they be in seventh, so like twelve years old mama?" I see mom inhale and she says, "Yes honey. Not many, but some. There was even some that by the next year, eighth grade, had to leave school to either stay at home or attend a school that could properly help them through their pregnancy." I feel my eyes get big and say, "So they were pregnant by thirteen mama?" I see her look back at me, purse her lips, and she says, "Yes baby. Now, I don't know why they started at that age or why they weren't using protection. I understand, growing up where I did we didn't have sex education and that might have been the reason, but I truly believe it was because they could not talk about sex with their families. They couldn't ask questions. So, they started, not knowing that having sex just once could lead to a pregnancy. Also, back then, sexually transmitted diseases weren't as prevalent, but they did exist, although no one talked about them." I hear my sister exhale, look over at her, see her turn to me, see that surprised look on her face and then hear mom say, "So." I see my sister turn to her and so do I. I hear mom continue, "I do not want that to ever be off the table as a topic between us. The day you want to start having sex, we can talk about it, and I can set up an appointment with Dr. Lena, who I'm sure will refer us to a gynecologist. You can talk to the gynecologist by yourselves or with me in the same room. It's up to you two loves. Or, if you choose to, talk to whoever you're in a relationship with about your options. Do not go into it blindly thinking you're immune to the reality of STDs and pregnancies."

I feel my exhale and hear my sister's next to me. Then, I see mom smile at us and she says, "I do ask one more thing though." She exhales and says, "Be in a relationship. Be with that person. Do not have your first time and hopefully any other times be with someone you don't like. Sex is natural and it should feel natural and good, but it can feel wrong and it can hurt if you don't care about each other. It can even feel empty." I see her exhale, look away, and I remember that thought I had today about Tom. I realize I don't know what's it's like to be married to someone and not be happy with them. I don't know that feeling. But, I do know the feeling of being happy with the person I'm with. And, I know mom is happy now. I see it whenever she looks at Caesar's uncle.

Then I hear my sister say, "You knows mama. Leo's real nice." I smile, knowing my sister and I were thinking the same thing and I say, "Yeah, mom he really is." I see mom look over at us, see her blush, smile, and she says, "He is." I see her shake her head and she says, "But enough about me. So, beginning tonight, as long as Robert is fine with it, you can both start spending the weekends, preferably only Saturday nights because I do want our Fridays, at the Freeman's or anywhere you want, as long as I know where you are. You don't have to just yet if you're not comfortable with it." I see her look at my little sister, then look at me and she says, "But if you do want to stay over there Saturday nights, you can." I see her smile at us and she says, "But, I will be honest with you two and tell you, even though I just said you can stay anywhere you want, I would rather you stay over at a house I know and is in walking distance to have you home in a few minutes if I call." I open my mouth, but hear my sister say, "Where else we be staying at mama's? I means they are our boyfriends." I look over at my sister, see her look away from us, and know she just called Riley her boyfriend, and I have a feeling, if I know him as well as I think I do, he feels the same way. Then I hear mom say, "Yes baby, they are. And I trust those two. But my priority is you two. You are my daughters, my loves, my babies, and I want to make sure you're never pressured into doing anything you're not ready for and you grow up into the wonderful women I know you'll be one day. And, if that means they continue being your boyfriends, I would be exceptionally happy about that, but only if they make you happy."

I say, without looking away from my sister, "They do mama. But we'll always come to you and take care of each other." I see my sister look back at me, smile, and she says, "Yes mama's they do. And we'll punk anyone that 'on't make us happy or ever tries messing with us." I hear mom say, "I love you babies." I see my sister look over at mom and she says, "Us to mama." I smile.

* * *

I say, "Goodnight bestie." I feel him exhale, hold my hand tighter over his stomach, and I close my eyes. I hear him breathing and wonder if he's going to say goodnight. Then, I remember Huey Freeman doesn't really talk about emotions. Even him saying goodnight, no matter how many times he said it to me when we were in Chicago, is probably hard for him. It's what you say to someone you're close with. I think people usually say, 'have a good evening'. You really only say 'have a goodnight' if you're close with someone or live in the same house. And, Huey isn't close with many people. But, he's close to me I hope. So, I put my forehead between his shoulder blades, smelling his soap and that clean hair that's still a little wet from showering. Mine is wet to but I couldn't help it. I showered before coming over here, not sure if I was going to want to shower in his house. I mean, what we're doing right now is already a lot.

I start thinking about our hill, wanting to dream about that tonight, and then I remember, we're in the guest room. His room now. And, he invited me here. He wants me here. So, I start thinking about this room. The posters he has up of Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Che Guevara, all from his old room, and then a few new ones. I smile thinking he laminated and hung the broacher from DuSable Museum. He doesn't speak in words. He speaks in actions. He wants to remember that day.

I hear that voice say, "Goodnight Jazzy." I feel my smile get bigger and I say, "Have nice dreams warm brain." I know I said it. But we're alone, in his room, and he's my boyfriend. Then, I feel him scoot back, feel my breast brush up on his back, and I swallow. I hear him swallow to. I exhale and know if I'm going to sleep over sometimes, I need to be okay with this, be okay with how he makes me feel by just me brushing up against his back. I hear him say, "I." I breathe, and I say, "I know Huey." I hear him exhale, feel his temperature start dropping a little and I hear him say, "I have to learn if we're going to be doing this, how to do this. Just give me time Jazmine." I smile, knowing we're thinking the same thing, and I respond, "Okay." Then, I hear him say, "But." He stops, inhales, and says, "If you notice something, know there's nothing I can do to control that, but I do have self-control." I feel my cheeks getting warm and I say, "I trust you Huey." I feel my face beet red as I continue, "And. I actually like that you like me that much or even in that way." I hear his inhale, hear his exhale, and hear him say, "Only in your Jazmine head would you think otherwise."

I swallow and then, like the hamster I am, I remember that hair I wanted to touch. How do I do this? I exhale. I want actions, not descriptions. So, I open my eyes, start moving my hand out of his hand, hear him say, "Jazmine, if you want to go," but I cut him off with, "Huey. I'm not going anywhere. I just want to help you relax." I also want to touch that hair, but that's more for me and he doesn't have to know that. I feel him let go of my hand, I bring it up, place it over his shoulder, and put my hand in his damp hair and start those spider webs. I hear him exhale, feel that head go deeper into the pillow, and I smile. I still want to hug him, so I have to remember to stay awake until he falls asleep.

After a few minutes, knowing he's tired from being around so many people today, knowing he doesn't like being around more than a handful of people at a time, knowing there was some tension during the barbecue, and knowing how much energy it must have taken him to talk to mom about me staying over while I packed for the night, I hear those long exhales and inhales. Everyone thinks Huey's invincible and he doesn't tire. That he can just keep going and going because that's all he's ever done. And, even though I've always known that's not true, remembering how he needed a nap after that explosion of the generator he had been working on before the chicken flu week, even I thought he didn't tire that much. But, he does. He's honest and lives with so much purpose, but he tires. I smile hearing those long inhales and exhales. I bring my hand down from his head, put that hand over his torso and over his stomach slowly, trying to not wake him, I hold him, and then I feel him shift. I inhale, not knowing if I woke him. But, then I see him move his face into the pillow, hear him continue inhaling and exhaling, and then feel his hand come up and hold mine. I stop breathing. Did I wake him? I hear those breaths. No. He's asleep I think. But, he still brought his hand up to hold mine over his stomach, like he likes it when I do this, when I hold him like this, and maybe even missed it.

I exhale, feel my shoulder sink into the soft bed with the clean sheets I know he put on before I came over. He wants me here. I want to be here. So, I kiss his back, and then I hear him mumble something that ends with 'Jazzy', which I know for a fact I have never heard him do. I smile knowing he's dreaming about something that has to do with me. I don't care what it is. As long as I'm in there somewhere, I'm happy.

I close my eyes, listening to him breathe, and let myself go into that warm place where I don't cry anymore, where my mom doesn't cry anymore, where my sister doesn't hide on slippery rooftops anymore, where Riley tells people he's good a playing basketball and knows it, where Caesar asks Ming for her phone number after a barbecue, where Hiro keeps making a nice girl blush, and where Huey knows he deserves me and no one in his past can hurt him anymore.

I dream of clean sheets, damp hair that smells good even though I don't know what shampoo that is, Irish Spring soap on mocha colored skin, and a strong hand, covered in warm skin, that will change the world one day, but right now, we're still in high school. I feel my smile, feel myself scoot up closer to a warmth, feel that warmth scoot up even closer to me, feeling myself brush up against it. I know, when school starts on Monday, after this summer, after this year, I'm stronger and have more courage, and I'm a million times happier than I've ever been. I can't wait for this next school year to start and all its possibilities.

* * *

Hi everyone,

I am freaken ecstatic right now. I love where the story is. I love the characters. There's so much more to this to. Oh, and I love the comments. Thank you! Thank you'll for bearing through the first few chapters and getting here with me. I have reread the first few chapters many times, corrected typos and just other irregularities and have to stop myself from scraping them and rewriting them. I mean, they be so dry. But, I guess it's all been a learning process. So, thank you for reading through them and helping me get to a place where I feel comfortable writing in this way.

I hope to keep reading more comments. I will be starting the next chapter this weekend I'm sure, but I think it might take me a few weeks to have it up cuz professors be giving me assignments with actual deadlines and work be wanting me to work. But, this makes me happier and so I put more elbow grease into this LOL.

Oh, and please let me know what you guys/girls/peoples think about the story so far.

Thank you again everyone,

Bulma's Ego.


	24. High school, guy friends & girl friends

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

ThickBlackGirl: We all need that shit. I love the cuteness that they are. And yes, I'm quite sure they will run the school with who they are. We'll see what will be happening with Miranda but I'm hoping Riley told her what she needed to hear. We shall see. Well thank you for reading. Thank you for Trials and Tribulations and Gangster Love.

RabbitMelody: I smile brightly when I'm reading the words over again to. Completely agree with you on loving them moments.

SG3MagicInk: Homie, where do I start with you? Yes, Ms. Moana is something magical. But I also feel like that about all mother and father figures in this story. Thank you for loving her so much. Yes, I love the Ciley to! Dude! Your review on the 5 couples had me so happy. I totally agree with you on how amazing it is to see mentors fall in love again and teach them and us that it's okay to be hurt and there be life after that. Ming and Caes. Yes, yes, yes. Those two are too strong, I believe, to be with weaker people and I can see them being straight forward about what they want. And I'm waiting to see what's going on with Grandad and letting these two sleep together. I mean I know Huey gots to be trustworthy but still LOL. We'll see. I hope you continue commenting when you can. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

LavenderLuvER18: I saw what time you posted your comment and it got me rolling out of bed with a huge damn smile. Thank you! I do that to! Please let me know how you feel about this next chapter.

CHAPTER 24:

I have this feeling of déjà vu. I look over at my little sister, see her beautiful hair, and I exhale, not believing she's not single anymore and how many guys are going to be really mad when they find out. I look over her head and see those nice braids from this morning. They're really long now. I wonder if he wants me to trim them. I just started learning how to last week because I know my sister doesn't like when they cut too much off of hers. Maybe this weekend I can trim hers. I smile thinking about us hanging out this weekend. Maybe Ming can hang out with us to and the guys can hang out across the street while we have a girls' day, at least for a few hours. I mean Huey has to be getting tired of how much we've been hanging out now that we're dating, texts a lot more, and cuddle when we get to be alone. Huey. I feel that warmth get closer and feel my face getting warm again, just like this morning before we got on the bus. I mean it's not like I don't like it, I mean I'm just still trying to get used to it. But, why is he doing it? I look over to my right, look up that shoulder to that mocha colored ear and then that hair. I exhale and I know my face is probably red right now. That hair.

_I wonder if I can do it. Well, he is my boyfriend, so maybe it's okay. I move my hand, knowing he's not holding on to it as tightly because he's still asleep. I crawl my hand behind his head, hear him exhale, and I stop. Did I wake him? I hear him breathing. No. I think he's still asleep. I smile and put my hand in that afro. I feel how soft it is and wonder how it's softer right now. Is it because it was a little wet when I had my hand in it last night and now it's dry or maybe because his hair is just softer in the morning? I feel my face getting warm through my smile knowing I'll have time to figure that out if I'm sleeping over sometimes. I think I'll start with shapes. I start with a heart, then a square, a circle, a trapezoid, an obtuse triangle. This reminds me of geometry class in middle school. God, I'm so glad I never have to take that class again with all those proofs. _

_I should be going into precalculus this year. I know Huey will to. Last year we had math for different periods. I feel my smile getting bigger thinking maybe we'll have math together this time. I only got to have him for homeroom and history last year. I want to giggle thinking about how we have the same homeroom again, but I don't want to wake him. Our homeroom, lockers, and locker combinations are the only things we get e-mailed before the first day. Now that I think about it, it's really weird that we have homeroom together again and the same lockers. Well, I guess I should just be happy about homeroom and not having to memorize a new locker combination. We'll find out if we have any classes together during homeroom where we'll get our full schedule. Huey. I hope he wants to have more classes with me. I know sometimes I can be a little talkative in class. It's just that sometimes I get bored and remember how fun he makes class, making the teacher nervous with his questions. I wonder if he knows how cute he looks when he's bored and he's looking out the window, probably thinking about college or another book he would rather be reading than whatever text book is in front of him. Does he know how good looking he really is? I do. I wonder if he thinks of me in that way. I mean I think he thinks I'm at least pretty, at least from what he said last night and how he looks at me sometimes. But, I wonder if he really thinks of me in the way I sometimes would think about him in my room, looking up at the ceiling, feeling flushed because I didn't want to think about him like that, but I couldn't help it. _

_I hear that monotone voice say, "Jazzy, just like that." I stop drawing and feel my eyes get big. Is he awake? I open my mouth to start apologizing and then hear him exhale a long breath. I close my mouth and hear another long inhale and exhale. No. I think he's still asleep. I exhale. I don't want him to wake up with me doing this to him. This is okay for night time, but we haven't talked about me doing this to him in the morning and I don't know if he would be okay with it. Yes, I did wake him up kissing him once but that's because I knew he needed those kisses after having the night he had. But, having my hand in his hair in the morning is something we haven't talked about. Well, he is asleep. And I want actions not descriptions so I guess I can continue. I start drawing a star and then in the middle of that star I hear that voice say, "Fuck." What? Did he just curse in his sleep? I know he doesn't curse just because. He tries not to anyways. I know he did it when we were kissing that day of the barbecue at Aunt Cookie's, but I just thought he wasn't thinking like normal. And I know he also cursed when he was in that fight but that's because he was mad. This is probably the third time I've ever heard him curse. I guess he curses when he's not thinking or when he's mad. I think he doesn't like cursing because he wants the black community to see that we don't have to talk the way others expect us to talk. We are what we make ourselves to be, at least I think that's what he wants to show the world. "Jazzy," I hear in that voice and I feel myself getting beet red with how hoarse his voice sounds, reminding me of that time he was standing over me on my bed. I swallow. Okay Jazmine, you have more courage today. Act like it. I start, "Huey?" I feel him stiffen and hear his inhale. _

_I hear him say, "Jazmine, I." He stops and I hear him swallow. I exhale and say, "It's okay Huey. I'm sorry. It was my fault. I started playing with your hair and I didn't ask if it was okay first." I close my eyes. Is he mad? I hear that exhale, feeling his shoulders move with it. He's mad. I hear him say in that hoarse voice, "Do you remember what I said last night?" I open my eyes and say, "About what bestie?" I hear him swallow, inhale, and he says, "If you saw something and." He stops, and then says, "My self-control." I feel my eyes get big and I say, "Yes." I hear him say, "Okay." I feel that head move away from my hand, feel that body I just noticed I was pressed up against move away, and I look up at him as he stands. _

_Then I look down. Is it bigger? Is it like stiffer? Can they do that? I mean I know the basics but it's not like I know exactly what they do. I hear that voice say, "Jazmine." I swallow and look up, see that smirk but I also notice that tint on those chocolate cheeks. I don't remember him blushing when we were in my room or in Aunt Cookie's house. But that time in my room it was dark and maybe he was blushing, and I just didn't notice. And that time in Aunt Cookie's he left before I saw anything. But, why is he blushing? Shouldn't he be like proud? Isn't that what guys do? They you know, get proud of that? _

_I see him look away and I remember that time in my room when I did see his boner, because that's what it is Jazmine, a boner, we only talked for a few seconds and then he left to the restroom. It's been like half a minute now of us talking. I wonder what he's thinking. Is he really mad at me for doing that without asking him first? I see those lips move and hear him say, "I'll be back." I see him turn, feel my eyes get big, jump out of the bed, faster than I thought I could, and put my arms around his waist and hear him say, "Jazmine, I'll be." But I start, "I'm sorry Huey. Don't be mad please. It just looked so soft. Please I don't want this to be the last time I sleep over. Please." He's mad. I know it. Oh my god. Is he going to break up with me? Does he not want to be my friend anymore either? "Jazmine." I knew I shouldn't have done that. I mean he's always been really respectful with me. "Jazmine." Why do I do this? Why am I still like this where I don't think before I just do things? I hear that voice say, loudly, "Jazmine." I inhale and close my eyes. He really is mad. He only gets loud when he gets mad. I start dropping my hands and say, "I'll go home okay. I know you're mad. I'm sorry." I feel the tears behind my eyelids. I have to go before he sees me cry. I start moving back, but then feel those warm hands grab mine and hear him say, "Jazmine, I'm not mad. I'm." He stops, I feel his temperature rising, then he continues, "I'm." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I'm just hard." I stop breathing, open my eyes, and say, "I know. And you're probably mad because I was touching your hair without asking you if it was okay." I hear him exhale again and he says, "I'm not mad. I just need to." He stops, then says, "Take care of it." I exhale and say, "Yeah, and it's because I did that to you, touching your hair without asking you first, and you've always been really respectful. I should have asked. I'm sorry Huey. I'll go." I start moving back and hear him say, "No." I stop, waiting for him to let go, but it feels like he doesn't want to. What do I do? _

_I hear him inhale and I count those seven seconds he takes and then hear him say, "I'm not mad Jazmine about you putting your hand in my hair. It helped but there were other reasons for me waking up like this." I ask, before I can stop myself, "What other reasons?" Oh my god. Why did I ask that? Stop it Jazmine. Stop it. This is one of those times you shouldn't say what you're thinking. I feel his temperature rising again, and before I can tell him he doesn't have to answer, I hear him say, "I was." I close my eyes, hoping I won't say anything dumber today, exhale, and I say, "You don't have to tell," but he cuts me off with, "Dreaming about you." I open my eyes and feel them get big. What? I remember last night him saying my name but was I still in his dreams this morning? Does he like me that much? That's like him thinking of me more than being just pretty. I hear myself say, "So you really do like me that much." I close my eyes. No. Why did I say that? That's so personal, specially for Huey. I mean even if we're dating, he doesn't talk about feelings or liking someone. He just doesn't. I've so crossed the line. I have to go. I say, "Huey, I'm sorry. I keep saying really dumb things. I should just go." I wiggle my hands out of his, move around him, knowing, I just need to go. Why am I being so awkward? I just keep saying all these dumb stupid things that are probably annoying him. _

_I grab the doorknob, turn it, and then feel those hands on my hips and that breath next to me ear. I stop, inhale, and hear him say, "Where are you going Jazmine?" I swallow, look down, and say, "Home. You probably don't want me here anymore Huey." I hear him whisper, not knowing when I'm going to get used to that, "Why Jazzy?" I remember there was a time I didn't want him to call me that anymore because I thought it meant I would always be just his neighbor, that he would never see me as anything more. I exhale. I am more today right? I'm not just Jazzy. I'm a girl that has a little more courage. I'm a girl that's happy. I'm a girl that can kick butt and shoot and flip guys over. I inhale. And, after all that, I'm also Huey's girlfriend. I let go of the doorknob, start to turn, feeling those hands move away from my hips. Once I've turned around I see that chest, those broad shoulders, go up and see that chin, and then those eyes. My favorite color. I swallow and say, "Because I keep saying dumb embarrassing things that are probably annoying you and I just said something I shouldn't just assume even if we're dating." _

_I feel his lips on mine. I close my eyes, feel those hands on my hips, open my mouth, taste his tongue over mine, feel that shiver, and then feel that tongue and that mouth move away. I hear myself whimper, hear him laugh for the second time ever, open my eyes, not sure what's happening right now, and see that smile. That smile. The Huey Freeman smile that I think I'm the only one that gets to see. So this is what I have to do to see that smile? If all I ever have to do is sleep over, in this room, where it's just him and I, to see that smile, I will._

_I see those lips move and hear him say, "But those dumb Jazmine things give me peace." I feel my smile, crawl my hands up on to those shoulders and remember we are alone and I'm starting to notice that's when I get to have Huey like this, whatever this is. And I know this, whatever this is right here, is my Huey. I swallow some courage, and say, "So, you really like me that much that you dream about me all night?" I see that tint on those chocolate cheeks I want to lick one day, see those maroons flicker to an even darker maroon not knowing they could do that, see those lips move again, and hear him say, "Yes."_

_I inhale air, knowing I'm really thirsty, and then feel those lips on me again. I open my mouth, taste his tongue, feel those hands moving down, grab my butt, and I hold on to those shoulders. I feel him lift me, and know he's carrying me. Then I feel the softness of the bed on my back, feel those hands on my hips again, and he starts moving his cock over my stomach. I hear that voice I've only heard a hand of times, and only when I'm with him, say, "Huey." I feel that shiver, hear him curse again, and then feel him move away. I open my eyes, see him over me, like on my bed that first time, looking down, breathing hard. I crawl my hands up to his face, pull his chin up, see that look, and I say what I'm thinking, "I'm not ready and you respect me. I'm happy I'm with you." I see him exhale, feel those lips on me again, close my eyes, and hope he knows I don't lie. I feel him move away so I open my eyes, see him still over me and he says in that voice, "I'll be back. Don't leave. It's still early and I." I see him stop, see that tint on those cheeks, and hear him say, "Want you to stay." I smile, knowing that's as close as he'll ever get to saying he wants to spend time with me because it's Huey. I realize, as my eyes get big, this is the first time he's asked me to spend time with him. It's always me coming over or it just being something to do after having a long day, just walking or sitting on our hill. It's never planned, it just happens. He doesn't ask, I just know. Even that day that Aunt Cookie called, and he texted me, all he texted was that he was at the hill. I knew he wanted me to go, but he didn't actually ask. This is first time he's asked me, voiced, to spend time with him. I also remember that thought I had last night about hoping he was close to me and how silly that sounds now remembering everything that happened this summer and the fact that he just asked me to stay with him because he wants to spend time with me. _

_I feel my smile get bigger and say, "Okay bestie." _

After that I made his mom's tea and then hung out with him and Grandad watching the morning news. Then my sister came over with mom, Riley came downstairs, we all had breakfast, and mom, my sister and I went to the mall. It was really nice. And, yesterday, Sunday, it all started with that hair that's a little too stiff right now. I also feel his temperate fluctuating a little bit, not as much as that day he told me people found out I could date but it's still going up and down a little. I ask, "What's wrong bestie?" I see him look down at me and hope my face isn't as red as it feels right now. I want to focus but this is just so weird, him being this close. Yes, he's walked next to me many times, always on the side of the road to protect me from cars, such a gentleman, but he never walks this close to me, and we're in school. First day of school. All four of us walking together down the hallway. And people, students, teachers, can see. He has to know for sure other students are seeing this and how he's touching my arm every time he takes a step. What in the world is happening?

I hear Riley say, "What's wrong Jazzy is these assholes that be looking at you two like you fucken available." I hear that monotone voice say, "Don't curse at her Riley." I look over, see Riley cross his arms over his chest, continue walking, and he says, "I ain't cursing at Jazzy McHater. Shit, she like my lil sis. I'm just saying I'ma kill some today." I look to the front to see the students, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing one or two guys looking our way, but I mean my sister is really pretty, so it's bound to happen. I hear her say, "Shit. You ain't the only one killing a few thirsty hoes today." I look over at my sister, see that one long loose Dutch braid I wanted her to try today, showing how light and pretty her hair is when it's not being pulled into those two tight braids. I see that light mascara, rose blush, and lip balm she's using today with her tight Nike yellow muscle shirt, showing off her white sports bra and fit body, loose light blue jeans, topped off by her birthday present from me. I smile seeing how pretty she is. No wonder Riley's acting like this. I want to laugh at how cute and protective he is of her. I wonder if he knows she would get looked at by guys last year to when he wasn't here, and she could take care of herself just fine. But, looking at the way he keeps looking down at her and how close he's walking next to her, I wonder if maybe, even though he was doing well in his school last year, he wasn't as happy because they weren't in the same school, and maybe he doesn't want to be reminded of that.

I hear Riley say, "I couldn't give two shits 'bout thirsty hoes C-Murph. I'm here to play ball and run this damn school cuz McHater ain't doing it right." I feel my smile knowing why I'm getting that feeling of déjà vu. Right now, walking down the hallways in our school and my sister and Riley talking, I'm being reminded of us walking down the airport when we got to Chicago. Chicago, Aunt Cookie, Ms. Moana, Ms. Annette, his parents. I feel a warmth in my chest thinking about them. I wonder if we can be there when they call Aunt Cookie just to say hello. I feel that warmth grow thinking about her telling us how much they talk about us. I feel that warmth in my hand. I miss that time. Hopefully we can go back next year. I feel that warmth squeeze my hand and wonder how that warmth went from my chest to squeezing my hand. I look down and see Huey's hand holding my own hand and feel my eyes become the size of saucers. Oh dear Santa or God, why is Huey holding my hand in public, at school? Then I feel him stop and hold me there.

I open my mouth to ask what's wrong but then I hear, "How was your summer Huey?" I look back to the front, after feeling that shiver in my hand, see her, exhale, and wonder why she had to be the first person we talk to at school today. I was hoping we would bump into my sister's team or Caesar or Hiro on our way to homeroom. I hear that monotone voice say, I think as politely as he can, "Fine." I see her look down at our hands and feel my cheeks getting warm again, knowing I still don't know why he's doing this. I mean yes, he's grabbed my hand and pulled me away from danger, and I've also done that to him but he's not pulling me and there's no danger right now. So, this just feels so intimate. But, he is my boyfriend right? And, when have I cared about embarrassing my bestie? No matter how much I've grown up, I'm still Jazzy. I smile and move my fingers in between his own, see her eyes squint, and I say, "It was great Ashley. How was yours?"

I see her look back up at me, open her mouth, and then I hear, "Oh my gosh it really is you! You're like the best basketball player in all the schools around here! Oh my god, are you trying out for the team!" I look over and see three girls in front of Riley and my sister. I hear Riley say, "'Course I be trying out and getting in." I see my sister exhale and then I hear the girl in the middle say, "Well since you just started you probably wanna get to know the school. We can take you around and even show you where you're classes are after you get your schedule, if you want." I hear my sister say, "Look hoes, get stepping befor'," but she's cut off by Riley grabbing her shoulders, forcing her to side step, and I hear him say, "Nah C-Murph. Laters. We still gots to make it to your class and then I gots to make it to mine." I see my sister's mouth open, I'm sure to protest, and then see Riley push her forward, and say, "Damn Cin. You already knows I 'on't care 'bout that shit. Just move." I see my sister close her mouth and see Riley continue walking behind her, in the direction of her homeroom, not taking his hands off of her shoulders. They're so cute. He must have missed having her in school.

I hear that voice say, "Look Jazmine." I roll my eyes at her making it sound like it hurts to say my name the right way, knowing Huey's here, and then she continues, "I don't care how your summer was. I'm talking to Huey. So you and that bird nest you call hair can shut up." I feel my eyes open. This is my grandma's hair and I wanted it down today, one, because I like it fluffy and two, because my sister wanted to braid my hair in a half up, half down style, leaving the rest soft like I like it. And, seeing Huey's reaction this morning when I opened the door and he couldn't speak for a few seconds, making me blush and making me think the loose yellow off shoulder top and dark blue jean shorts with my yellow high-top converse was too revealing, I'm pretty sure he thinks I look pretty. I remember my sister and I picking out our shirts yesterday at the mall, knowing it's mom's favorite color, and we wanted to have a good first day. I also happen to be wearing the same amount of makeup as my sister. So, my sister and I are wearing the same color shirts that remind us of our mom and I know right now she's being walked to her homeroom by her best friend who she's now dating, and I can tell by how he looked at her today when she came downstairs that he thought she looked pretty to. So, we're both dating our best friends and we're both happy. And this girl, who's here alone again, is just. I exhale and say, "Sad."

I see her eyes open and wonder how loud it's going to be, then I hear that monotone voice say, "Let's go." I feel that pull and I follow. I remember last year. Isn't this what happened the first day of school, but instead of Ashley it was that creepy guy asking me to a party and then me pulling Huey away after he punched him in the stomach? I look up at that hair, noticing he really hasn't changed since last year, but everything else has. But, maybe he might be a little taller and hopefully a little happier. I smile seeing those broad shoulders and know it's going to be a good day, even if I can hear the screeching in the distance.

* * *

He's probably waiting for me at the table. I wonder if my sister and Riley are there to. What about Caesar and Hiro? I haven't seen either one of them yet, but it's only been half a day. What about Ming? She said she would come look for us or the team during lunch. I exhale moving some of his non-school-related books out of the way to get to the brown bag. I see his journal and smile seeing a few pieces of paper sticking out of it. I have to take care of that for him. When I get home I'll order them and hopefully they'll be here by next week. I grab the bag, pull it out, feeling how light it is, and start feeling sad she didn't want me to make her sandwiches, but I feel my smirk knowing she wants to get lunch in line with him. I close his locker, turn, and feel my eyes open seeing a guy standing about seven to ten feet away looking at me. I have gotten better at estimating spaces. I see him open his mouth, close it, and then look away. I think I remember him from last year, but I can't remember from where.

Okay. He's just standing there, not saying anything. This is weird. Then I remember he must be waiting for me in the cafeteria. I turn to my right and start walking and then see that guy walk up to me and he says, "Jazmine can we talk for a minute?" I feel my eyebrow rise and keep walking to the entrance of the cafeteria and say, "I'm sorry I don't think I know you and my boyfriend is waiting for me." I feel a hand on my arm, feeling it hold me, look back at him and say, "Don't touch me." I feel him let go and hear him say, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure I heard you right? You said you have a boyfriend?" I look at him, remember him, and say, "Aren't you that guy that asked me out that last week of school?" I see him smirk and he says, "Yeah. Zack." I say, "Okay, well yes I do have a boyfriend. I told you that day." I mean I remember that day. I told him and then went to the bathroom to try to pull myself together before going to homeroom, not wanting to have Huey see me cry. And then in the cafeteria Huey told that other guy I was his girlfriend. I want to smile thinking about that day, how it started and how it ended, but I don't want this guy thinking I'm smiling at him or he might think I'm flirting with him.

I say, "Well I actually have to get to the cafeteria to see him." I turn, take a step, and then hear that guy say, "And who is your boyfriend?" I stop. Really? Isn't it like obvious? I mean we were holding hands this morning and some people saw and even stared. I look back at him, see him smirking at me with his arms crossed over his chest and I open my mouth and say, "It's Hu." I stop. I remember, these people with their popularity and meanness aren't important. My family and friends are. I say, "It's none of your business. I have a boyfriend. Please don't bother me again." I turn and continue walking. Then I see a flash of long dark hair pass me and see him standing in front of me. I exhale seeing the cafeteria entrance from here, move to the side, and see him step in front of me again. I say, "Let me pass. My friends and my boyfriend are waiting for me." I know I shouldn't be this polite with someone that won't take no for an answer, but mom always says to be polite even if we don't feel like it.

I keep looking at those double doors leading into the cafeteria and hear him say, "Jazmine, look. I still just want to take you on a date. Just a date. I know any date I take you on will be so much better than where ever he's taken you." I look back at him and feel my eyebrow rise. I don't even know what to say to that. There's nothing that compares to DuSable and then that pretty restaurant with the lights and amazing food. And, he's being really, really, rude. I inhale and say, "I was raised to be polite, but you are being really rude assuming anything. Now let me pass." I see him look down at me and see his eyes travel over my shoulders. I shiver, not liking this feeling, and then I hear a familiar voice say, "Jazzy girl you need me to kick his ass?" I look back, smile, turn around completely and give Caesar a hug. I hear him laugh and hear him say, "I saw this fool trying to talk to you and I know Hu wouldn't take that shit lightly." I let go, look up at those brown eyes and say, "I haven't seen you all day." I see him smirk and he says, "Yeah, I'll show you my schedule and then you can tell me if we got any classes together cuz the kids in this school be boring as fuck." I can't help but laugh. I see that smile, see him look up behind me, see that smile disappear, and then he says, "I saw your ass not letting her pass. You do that shit again, you be lucky I don't beat the shit outta you before her man kills you." I see him look back down at me and he says, "Come on Jazzy." I want to tell him that I can flip guys over that weigh fifty pounds more than I do, but I can see he's trying to save me, so instead I smile and nod.

I turn, see that guy still standing there, looking at me, feel that shiver, and I can't help but get this feeling that maybe I couldn't take him. Then I hear Caesar's voice say, "Move asshole." I see him look up, see him inhale, and then he moves to the side. I feel hands on my back and a light push. I walk, looking away from that guy. I feel my exhale as soon as I see that white shirt next to me and say, "Thanks Caes. He asked me out last semester and I told him I had a boyfriend and he just," but I hear Caesar say, "Jazzy girl. Been here half a damn day and yeah, there are some a'ight looking girls here, some hot ones to, but not really different than what I'm used to. Actually kinda thought there were gonna be more snowflakes than what I seen. But." I hear him stop and inhale. I look up at him, see him smiling in the direction of where our table should be, knowing we walked into the cafeteria a few seconds ago, and he continues, "I'm damn sure we got the best-looking ones, so I know we're gonna have to keep an eye out for dicks like that. And." I see him look down at me, see him give me that goofy smile and he says, "I'm starting to agree with Riley about there being more hoes out there than not." I feel my eyebrow rise, confused, and see him laugh. I remember, just like my sister, he can make me laugh no matter what's going on. I start laughing and then look forward, see a black unzipped sweater with the Wu-Tang Clan symbol in the front, and bump into a hard chest. I blink, look up, and see those reds I get to see during lunch, blink again, and remember we haven't gotten to the table. Why is he meeting us in the middle of the cafeteria?

I see him look down at me and he says, "What took you so long?" I open my mouth to tell him about getting our lunch from his locker and how I bumped into Caesar and we were talking. I don't want to tell him about that guy right now and ruin his day. Then I hear Caesar's voice say, "Some dick was hitting her up, I got there, heard her telling his ass to let her pass, and I made him." I see Huey look at Caesar and I inhale. No. I see him inhale and he says in that low voice, "Who?" I say, "Huey I'll tell you okay, but you have to calm down." I see him look down at me again, see that look of determination and those stiff shoulders, and I continue, "I promise I'll tell you okay. I just don't want you to have a bad first day of school. But I promise to tell you. After school okay." I hear him say, "Jazmine." I swallow and say, "Huey, nothing happen. Just some," I look away and continue, "Idiot okay. And Caesar was there and remember I can take care of myself a little better today." I look back up, see those shoulders are still stiff, and I say, "I made your favorite okay and we need to feed you." I look back at those eyes, look back down at those lips, remember how soft they are, swallow, see his Adam's apple move, and then hear, "Yo! We hungries! Hurry it up Jazzy!"

I blink, look around, see Caesar's not around anymore, look around and behind that broad torso and see Riley standing in front of our table with my sister sitting on the bench and leaning back on the table, smiling that beautiful smile in our direction. She's not smirking, she's smiling. And we're in school. I realize, maybe she was also a little sad last year that she didn't have her best friend here. I smile, take a step behind him, grab that hand, and start walking to the table. I hear someone to my right say, "So it's true. The hell." I remember we're in the cafeteria where most of the school is right now and I'm holding his hand and he doesn't like this kind of thing. I inhale, start letting go of that hand, knowing in a few seconds we'll be at the table, and then I feel that squeeze and that warmth walk up next to me. What? Here? In the middle of the cafeteria? I look up to my left, see that same look of determination, and remember who he is. Huey Freeman. Ex-domestic terrorist. The boy who planned on moving to Cuba after putting his life in danger to save an innocent man from the death penalty. The boy who got a crowd of people together to try and save me from Ed Wuncler Sr, when I signed myself into child-labor and Tom allowed it. And that's just the stuff that happened when we were kids. In the last few months I've seen the man he's becoming, the one that will protect his friends head on, charging in first to protect them. The man that asked for help in the few words he could because he's still learning how to ask for help. The man that took me to meet his deceased mom and dad. The man that respects me and will only go as far as I ever want. And, he's all these things, and he doesn't care what other people think. I squeeze his hand back and hear another person say, "The fuck." I exhale, look back at my beautiful little sister, smile back at her, remember everything I am, and step closer to him, feeling his warm knuckles brush up against my hip. I hear a few more curse words and gasps and can't believe they care that much, but it is Huey and he is really hot. And I can say that because he's my boyfriend.

We get to the table, I let go of his hand, see him slide in first to sit to my right where he likes to sit, and then I slide in after him. I see my sister turn, putting her legs under the table, see her best friend sit down next to her, and hear her say, "That shit was hilarious sis." I start laughing, hear her sweet laugh, put my head on his shoulder, and hear him exhale. I hear Riley snicker and hear him say, "This school gonna be fun as fuck." I open my eyes and feel them open bigger seeing my sister putting her head on his shoulder. I see her smirk, look up at him, and she says, "And we gonna rule this shit." I smile, feeling a little worried, knowing my sister doesn't lie. I hear Riley say, "You ain't lying C-Murder."

I smile and then see a really pretty girl with long black hair, a purple and white striped knot headband, big dark eyes so black they remind me of a dark blue ocean, light mascara, rosy cheeks and red lip gloss sit down next to my sister, smile at me and she says, "What up girls." I smile back and say, "So that's where Caesar went." I see Ming's smile get bigger, see her blush, look up to her left, and I see Caesar slide in after her. I see that big handsome smile and can't help but laugh. I hear Caesar say, "Hu was there to take care of you tiny one, so I went to go remind her she said she was gonna sit with you two." I see Ming smirk at him, see her eyebrow rise, and she says, "Lying don't good on you Caesar." I see him blush and he says, "Wells I also went to look for you cuz you said you didn't feel safe walking down the hallways and my mama raised me right."

His mom. Huey told me she lives in Jamaica. I wonder if he misses her a lot. I know I would miss mom. Maybe mom can start treating him like she does Huey and Riley. I mean, I'm sure he'll be over a lot with mom spending time with his uncle. His uncle. I can tell he's a good person with how respectful and sweet Caesar is. And, he's even taking care of Hiro now. Hiro.

I hear Riley say, "The fuck is Hiro?" I look over and can't help but smile at how he's trying to sound hard, but he still wants to know where his friend is. Then I hear that voice I'm also happy we get to hear now at school say, "Over here." I look up to my right and see Hiro, open my mouth to ask him about his day so far, but stop when I see Lauren standing next to him, looking down with pursed lips. She looks, frazzled. I ask, "You okay Lauren?" I see her look up at me, see her hazel eyes looking a little watery, she gives me a small smile and she says, "Yeah. I'm fine." I hear Hiro say, "You ain't. Stay here. I'll go get you something to drink." I see Hiro turn, walk away, and I hear my sister say, "Lauren, 'on't be standing there. Sit next to ma sis and tell us what's wrong." I see Lauren look over at my sister, swallow, and look down again. I start getting worried. I don't really know her yet, but she seems really nice and I know my sister's told me she's a really good team player which is really important in basketball. I say quietly, trying to not scare her, "Lauren, sit here next to me." I pat the place to my left, see her smile looking at that spot, see her exhale, and she sits and slides in. I hear my sister say, "Lauren?" I see her look up at my sister, look down at the table, see her blush, and hear her, "Hiro's great." I say, "We know Lauren. But tell us what's wrong." I see Lauren exhale and continue looking at the table. I hear my sister say, "Lauren, look at me." I smile, hearing mom's voice. I see Lauren look back up and see her eyes are still watery. She looks at my sister, inhales, and after a few seconds of silence at the table she says, "I was walking to the cafeteria, bumped into someone, we got in an argument, I told him I didn't wanna see him again, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed up against the lockers." I inhale and hear my little sister do the same thing. I remember Mark, feel that warm strong hand going over my hand, exhale, and I remember, today, I would hurt someone as weak as Mark.

I hear Ming say, "What happened Lauren?" I see Lauren look down, smile a real smile, and hear her say, "Before I could even try to kick him, I saw a fist hit his ribs, he let me go, and I saw him fall down. Then I looked up and saw Hiro." I feel my exhale and hear a few other ones at the table. I hear a can on the table, look over Lauren, and see Hiro sitting next to Lauren and he says, "Drink this. It'll be good for you." I see Lauren look back up at Hiro, hear her thank him, and I see him blush and look away. I don't remember him blushing at the barbecue, but they also only talked for a little bit and maybe he didn't see how pretty she is. And, I think she was also hiding behind her hair. I look down at the table and see the can of sparkling water. He's so sweet.

I hear Ming say, "Damn. Well whoever it was, just make sure to stay away from him and if you see his ass grab that keychain alarm." I hear Hiro say, "She won't need it. I'll be walking her from second if." He stops, looks back down at her, and he says, "You alright with that." I look over at Lauren and see her blush, looking at the can, hear the swoosh of the can opening, see her smile, and hear her say, "Yeah. That would be nice."

I hear my sister say, "You haven't tol' us who it was Lauren." I see Lauren look up, see her black hair move back, see her smile at my sister and she says, "Actually, he hangs out by the team's table and I kinda don't wanna see him for a while. So, do you all mind if I hang out with you for a while for lunch?" I say, "Lauren, you're on my sister's team. You're always welcome here." I see her look over at me, smile, and she says, "Thanks Jazmine. And I can finally stop hearing about this table." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her smile, and then she says, "The jocks that sit next to us and the dumb popular kids. I get tired of hearing them. I honestly don't know how the other girls on the team deal with it." I hear my sister say, "The fuck they be saying about us? I will fuck them up if they be talking about ma sis." I look back at my sister, smile at her, and hear Lauren say, "Cin, it's more like they talk about both of you. Like I said, I just wanna get away from them and hopefully never see Derek again." I inhale, look over at my sister, see her look over at Riley, and I feel the temperature of that hand over mine rising. I turn to my right, look at him, see him looking at the table, focused, and remember he hasn't eating.

I move my hand out of his, press it down on my shorts, hear him exhale, grab the bag, and take out the first sandwich. I hear my sister telling Riley to eat and then I hear Caesar say, "Hey these guys already got their food. You'll wanna go get in line?" I hear a few 'okay's' and hear them all leave. I finish unwrapping the sandwich, and before I can put it down, I see him grab it out of my hand, brushing my hand with his, see him take the sandwich, take a bite, and feel the squeeze on my leg. Nine-grain wheat, olive oil mayo, spicy brown mustard, organic spinach, red vine tomatoes, a spread of quinoa, and of course, the Mezzetta brand pepper jalapenos he likes.

I smile, feeling him squeeze my leg with each bite. He really likes those jalapenos. I want to kiss him. So, I lean up, kiss his cheek, smile, sit back down, grab one of the sandwiches and I start unwrapping it. He let me kiss him in public again. Life is awesome.

I hear the trays on the table, look up, see Ming smile at me, sit, followed by Caesar with those dreads pulled back in a half pony tail, then hear the tray to my left and I look over and see Lauren sitting next to me with Hiro sliding in after her. I hear Riley's voice say in that serious tone again, "I know you'll can fight some, at least for sure Cin and Jazzy. And I know you two play ball so you strong, but don't be walking to the cafeteria or after school by yourselves a'ight." I see Riley, who's a year younger than us, looking down at the table, see those long cornrows that pass his shoulders, how much thinner his face is now, I'm sure from playing basketball and his own training, and realize he might be younger but he's a lot more mature than even people our age, maybe from growing up with the stuff Huey and he went through. I also see that he doesn't really look his age. He's too tall, too fit. Taller than my little sister by so much it's kind of cute. I see my sister put her hand on his shoulder, and see those shoulders start to relax. I feel my eyes open realizing they both do that. When they get angry or scared, their shoulders get stiff. I feel that squeeze and hear that deep monotone voice say, "Riley. Let them figure that out. You make sure to do what you have to do and do not fail." I see Riley look up at Huey, see an exchange between them, see Riley look down at my little sister, exhale, and he says, "I know McHater." Riley's a lot calmer than he used to be. I see my sister look up at him and smile. I'm so used to her only smirking at school. She missed him. I feel my heart swell.

Then I hear another familiar voice say, "Why don't we see everyone's schedule? Figure shit out from there?" I look over at Hiro and see him looking down at Lauren as she drinks from the can. Then I hear Ming say, "Yeah, we gotta take care of the smallest one in the group." I hear everyone laughing, look back at Lauren, and see her smiling at the table. I smile and remember what Caesar called me earlier. I look back up at him, open my mouth, and hear him say, "Nah Jazzy girl, Lauren be the smallest one but you still the tiny one." I close my mouth, look away, feeling my lips twist, and hear the table laughing again, with Riley's laugh over everyone else's. I look back, seeing everyone laugh, and can't help but laugh with them.

After we eat, we all take out our schedules. We all agree that at least for a while, until the worrywart boys stop worrying, we girls will walk to and from the cafeteria with each other or one of the boys and after school the guys decided, did not give us a choice, that they would walk us to the front of the school, at least until our after-school activities start. I hear Riley say, "Nah. See Hiro that's how I knows your ass can't play GTA. You be caught by the popo in one damn day." I giggle and feel that body next to me relax. I hear Hiro say, "Whatever Riley. Why don't we figure that shit out? This weekend. See who finish the most missions under two hours." I hear my sister say, "I 'on't know 'bout that Hiro. You the homie, but Riles ain't that bad at GTA." I hear Caesar and Ming laughing, then hear my sister say, "I means I put money on Riles." I feel my eyebrow rise, look at my sister, see her eyebrow rise, smirking at Hiro, and I look up and see Riley looking down at her with his own smirk. Then I hear Hiro say, "That sound like a nice fucken bet Cin. You're ass is on. If Riley beats me, fifty. Can the homie hang?" I see her get that cute evil smirk and she says, "Yeah. The homie can always hang." I laugh, seeing Riley's ride or die come out, hear everyone else laughing, feel that hand on my thigh, and I stop laughing and feel my cheeks getting warm, not used to how affectionate he's being. I guess everyone at school knows so he doesn't care. And then I remember, with Riley, my sister, Ming, and Caesar sitting in front of us the school can't really see under the table. But even if the school knows we're dating, I'm starting to want us to only do things with each other when we're alone, when it's just us and I can have my Huey. But, I also like holding his hand. So, I bring my hand down, put it over his, and put my fingers between his.

I hear Caesar say, "Shit, lets make it a fucken party." Then I hear that monotone voice say, "Caesar." I hear Caesar snicker, see him look at Huey, and he says, "I know Hu. I meant just us. Just hanging out. I don't know, just pizza and movies or something after their game." I see Caesar's smile disappear, see him look down at the table, and he says, "Shit I hated my last school but damn just one fucken day and I already know I don't trust no one outside this table. I mean just the dicks that be looking over here at the girls and why we gotta walk them to class has me a little fucken edgy." I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, and inhale looking at several people at different tables looking over here. Looking over the cafeteria I notice I can focus more now to. I hear Caesar continue quieter, "Even the girls at this school." I look back down at him, see him look up, see his eyebrow rise, exhales, looks at us girls one by one, stops at Ming, and he says, "No disrespect to you girls here cuz you ain't like that, but damn, some thirsty ones up in here." I hear both Riley and Hiro say, "Fuck yeah." I feel my eyes get big, look over at Riley and Hiro, and see them looking down at the table. I see Riley look back up at the ceiling and he says, "I means I know it's high school but it ain't that much different than last year. I mean I don't fucken care what females do. I know they gonna be what they gonna be but why so many gotta be hoes." I start, "Riley a lot of girls are not," but I'm cut off by Hiro saying, "Jazzy." I look over at Hiro, see him looking at me, and notice that nice fade and remember mom told us Leo owned a barber shop in Chicago. She also said he's happy he's changing careers now. Leo must have cut his hair yesterday. I smile seeing how well he must treat both of them, probably as good as our mom treats us.

I hear Hiro continue, "I know you wanna defend the girls at your school. You're like Huey. He don't talk much, but he don't like people talking shit just to talk shit." I hear the exhale through his nose next to me and I giggle. I see Hiro smirk and he says, "And, I still don't agree with Riley on how many, but he's right. Just during homeroom and the first two periods I lost count of how many numbers they dropped at my desk. They be a lot of thirsty ones here Jazzy but." I see him look down at Lauren and I see Lauren look up and turn to him. I see her hair fall back and I'm sure Hiro is seeing her face right now. I see Hiro smirk looking down at her, see him blush, and he says, "Some ain't hoes at all and they be sweet as fuck, even after dicks that need to get beat don't treat them like they deserve." I know he defended her from Derek and then they walked over here. I wonder if in just those few minutes Hiro got to see how nice she is.

I giggle, turn back to that warmth, see him looking at me, smile at him, and I hear my sister reminding Riley to finish eating because lunch is ending soon, and I hear Riley saying she has to finish to. I hear Ming talking to Caesar about their date this week and what time to pick her up. I hear Hiro asking Lauren if she's really okay with him walking her to class after lunch. I look down at those lips and remember how soft they are and feel my smile get bigger knowing I'm the only one that gets to kiss them.

I remember Caesar saying something about how they had the best-looking girls in the school. I don't think any of us girls cares about that. We just know we have the sweetest guys at the school.

* * *

Finally. I exhale. Friday. I see that bun, feel my smirk, knowing she did it because she woke up late. I really don't care. I get to see that long thick hair on Sunday morning if I wake up earlier than last weekend. She had her hair in that bun when I came back from the restroom and I berated myself for not waking up early enough to look at that thick afro and her breathing, making sure her respiratory system was functioning properly, taking in the correct amount of air. I feel my lips twisting, thinking about those braids. I like them more than she'll ever know. They show me how proud she is of anything that reminds her of her culture. I know she doesn't care that people see a mixed girl when they see her. She's black. She knows the struggle, the racism that is as real as the numbers that show the difference in wealth, health, and life expectancy between whites and blacks today, is real, not just by having looked up the statistics, but because she wants to know. I realize she's never been that naive about these things, always asking questions, always researching on her own, always wanting to know more. And then, there's the fact that she knows what it could be like to be with me. The struggle we face even now, walking down the street, closer than friends do, and how some people look at us and sneer, thinking she's white or at least part and is choosing to be with a black man. They couldn't care less that we're teenage. All they see is a gorgeous girl, possibly white, choosing to be with a black man. I exhale. And she couldn't care less. I inhale. And I couldn't either.

I hear her close my locker, see her turn, letting me see those morning jades, see those lips move, and hear her say, "Bestie?" I say, "I told you to not call me that in public." I see that smile and she says, "So, should I call you big hair?" I feel my eyebrows lower looking at her, see her laugh, and she says, "Just kidding. Come on." I want to kiss her and tell her she can call me that only when we're alone, but I have a feeling she'll start doing it in public to, so instead I exhale and nod. I see her turn and stop. I say, "Jazmine." I look up, see him, move around her, take three steps up, and warn him, "Don't get near her again or I'll kill you." I see him look back at me, remember him from last year clearly, and the fact that I haven't see him all week since Jazmine told me what he did. She let me hold her hips while she told me, knowing I needed that contact. She also said it was a one-time thing and she told him she wasn't interested. I inhale, remembering that last year he took a step back. He hasn't stepped back this time. Really? I inhale, exhale, and see fear cross his face for a second. Good.

I hear those small pants and hear her say, "Huey, please. He didn't do anything. He was just looking. He knows you're my boyfriend and I wouldn't be interested even if I was single." I see him look down at her, see his eyes squint at her, and I close my eyes and exhale, trying to lower my temperature. I hear him say, "And why the fuck not?" I open my eyes, take that last step up, bring my left arm up, bent at the elbow, and push up against his throat, hearing him hit the lockers. I hear some of the idiot kids in the hallway gasp. I hold him there and say, "Don't you ever talk to her like that or in any other fucken way."

I feel him trying to breath even through cutting off half of his air intake, see him look at me, and hear him say, "You weren't the only fucken guy waiting for her, you just got to her cuz you're always fucken around, but I'll get my chance." I push up against his throat, cut off the last half, and hear him inhale.

I feel those small, warm hands on my left shoulder, and hear her say, "Huey, please let him go so I can tell him something and he can hear it." I feel him trying to swallow, keeping his neck straight, and not using his arms to hit me back. He's trying to not look weak in front of her. I push up more, see his eyes get big, and hear that voice say, "Please trust me."

I inhale slowly, remembering I said I would trust her even through her unrealistic optimism, step back, and bring my arm down. I see him inhale and look back at me. I look him down and feel that hip brush up against my knuckles, like four days ago when we were walking back to the table, and I exhale. I hear her say in that polite voice, "Yes. I am not interested in you. You have been really rude so far. First, asking me out a second time after I told you I had a boyfriend, then assuming you know anything about us or our dates. And now, you cursed at me. A normal guy, who I'm still usually polite with afterwards, never curses at me. You just did. I would never date someone like you. I told you a few days ago and it hasn't changed, who my boyfriend is, is none of your business, but yes, it's Huey. All you have to know is that as rude as you've been and now cursing at me, I would never date you." I see him inhale and wonder if she'll understand if I punch him in the face if he says one more thing to her.

I hear the panting to my right, look over, see that counselor from last semester, beet red, and he says, "Mr. Freeman and Ms. Dubois, I should've known." I turn to him, see him step back, and then he stammers, "I see there was about to be an altercation here and judging by how Mr. Hawkeye is acting the initiator would have been you Mr. Freeman." I exhale, knowing where this is going. I also know this counselor tends to express his bias side, as he did with Jazmine last time, and his racist side, as he's done with several students and now me, more explicitly than other counselors. I know what I am. I inhale. I turn and start walking towards the principal's office, knowing homeroom is only two hallways down, there are plenty of students here, and she'll go straight to homeroom after this. Then I hear that voice say, "Huey wait." I stop and wonder when, aside from letting her pull me, I let het start telling me when to stop. I hear that voice say, "Mr. Leon. You know this was not Huey's fault because I'm here. He would never just start a fight, putting someone in danger." I inhale, wondering when this damn day can end so we can go back to my house and I can watch her while she bites her pencil when she's confused about our math homework or plays with her necklace reading her history book. I hear that counselor say, "That's besides the point Ms. Dubois. I've seen enough to know if I didn't get here on time Mr. Freeman would have initiated a fight." I exhale, take another step, and then hear that voice say, "Mr. Leon, if you send Huey to the principal's office on the first week of school because of a fight that never happened and he gets a mark on his record and possibly gets moved out of his AP classes where he's already the student with the highest grades, I promise to sweep up all the dirt I have and it will only hurt you, no one else, because I won't tell anyone where I got the information, no matter what happens to me." I turn around, see those jades, see her look from the pathetic man that calls himself a school counselor to me, see them flicker to that darker jade, see those lips move, and she says, "And for my best friend and boyfriend I do not bluff Mr. Leon, so decide."

After four seconds I hear him stammer, "I, I guess, there really wasn't an altercation to begin with." I've heard enough. I walk up to her, grab that hand, feel her fingers go between my own, look back at that asshole and say, "This was your only warning." I look back at her, see that smile, and say, "Let's go." I see her nod and we start our walk to homeroom.

* * *

I hear my brother say, "That's wa I'm saying. This some fucked up school man. I means I 'on't even like the girls walking together without one of us there." I exhale, watching that bun over my 'Message To The Blackman' by Elijah Muhammad. I have not taken the necessary steps to become Muslim only because I do not agree with the entirety of their doctrine, but I do believe most of my positions come close to those beliefs that follow Allah. But I remain open to changing those as well. I've come to understand there's a small possibility, I could be wrong or at least not completely right about the beliefs I've had up to now. I inhale, close my book, put it down on the table, and continue watching that bun moving back and forth. I wonder if she still feels the same about Christmas. She stopped talking about Christmas years ago. Now I know why. Tom. I feel my temperature rising and then see those forest greens look over at me, see that smile, and feel my temperature dropping.

I hear Caesar say, "I know Riley, but we can't be around them all the fucken time. I mean I don't know how long they're gonna be cool with that shit no matter how much we tell them it's what we gotta do. I mean they might need some space one fucken day." I hear my brother say, "They be getting 'nough space Caes. Shit. Ain't it 'nough they walk to their classes by themselves? They 'on't need more space." I look over at my brother, feel my eyebrow rise, and hear Hiro say, "Damn Riley. You're ass be whipped." I hear Caesar laughing and hear my brother say, "Fuck you Hiro. I ain't whipped. That girl just been my number one for years. Shit. I saw other girls befor' her. I wasn't just waiting for shit to happen." I hear Hiro say, "Riley your ass only saw those other ones cuz you were bored and cuz they threw themselves at you. So, it was fucken easy. And let me fucken guess? You never told her when you were talking to them?" I feel both my eyebrows rise, looking at my brother. I see him look down and I exhale, remembering how much we are alike. Then he says, "Whatever's man. That shit in the past and it is what it is. I just 'on't like them being alone with crazy ass fuckers 'round here and that asshole still at this school and now some fucken psycho that be following Jazzy." I inhale and hear Caesar say, "I know. I almost broke some dick's hand that tried touching Ming during class. Asking her for a fucken pencil and then trying to touch her hair when she was giving it to him. Fucken weirdo. Luckily the little bitch didn't say shit when I grabbed his hand and twisted it. Bet he was trying to look hard in front of her, but I still wouldn't have fucken cared. The fuck's wrong with these kids man? In my old school you get beat for that kind of shit." I inhale and say, "Entitlement."

The table's quiet for half a minute, allowing me to think, and then I hear Hiro say, "They don't know me." I hear his inhale, remembering his reputation, how he struggled to make his own, away from his family's criminal activities, and I'm sure one of the reasons they sent him up here. There are only a few of us that know that reputation. Many see a fifteen-year-old kid, Asian in appearance, and do not know how deep his colors go. I look at him, see him looking at the table, and he says, "I will fuck them up or worse. Since Lauren be looking now all these fucken assholes won't stop looking at her. Funniest shit is she don't even know. Like the girl either don't fucken care or she doesn't fucken see it." I look over at them waiting in line because they wanted to get something to drink but I'm sure to talk amongst themselves. I see that girl, quiet, but relatively decent and aware compared to some of the other clueless kids at this school. I'm assuming the change is she has her hair pulled back into that style Jazmine had at Aunt Cookie's barbecue. I know they were all at Sarah's a few days ago. She told me they were going to do homework and hang out. Jazmine. I see her laugh at something that girl said. She looks happy. I exhale.

I hear Hiro say, "They know not to mess with her when I'm there cuz I'm sure they know I'm not someone to fuck 'round with, but I don't got any classes with her, so I don't know if they try hitting her up in class and if they do, what she says. Fucken entitled dicks." I hear my brother say, "And you be saying I'm whipped." I hear Hiro say, "Yeah. Well, one, I don't fucken care about looking whipped. Been with 'nough to know it don't matter what other people think as long as her and I are cool. And two." I see him look over at the girls and he says, "She different. She." I see him exhale and says, "She seen other people but she's still sweet. She just is. I can tell she just believes I ain't like them other dicks that treated her like shit. And, I don't give two shits about telling you three that she's fucken hot." I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, and then hear him say, "So I know why that dick was a little fucken pissed when she didn't wanna see him again." I inhale, see Hiro look at me and he says, "And I know every time I look over at his table and he be looking over here his punk ass looks scared. Fucker won't even get close to this table. So, what did you do to his ass and where the fuck was I?" I feel my smirk drop and then hear my brother say, "Your ass wasn't here Hiro and he ain't do shit. I did."

I exhale through my nose, look at my brother, see him looking at Hiro and he says, "Don't be saying shit to the girls but after that asshole tried some'ing with Cin and Jazzy, I went to his house last week befor' school ended, made sure only he was there, walked in through the front door and beat the shit out of him. Fuck only reason I stopped befor' I made sure he blacked out was cuz McHater stopped ma ass." I inhale and say, "I don't need Grandad finding out you almost killed some idiot when the cops show up to the house looking for your ass because you don't remember people with that kind of money have cameras. If you waited until he left his house on his way to school or anywhere else I wouldn't have cared what you did to him. But leaving him blacked out to have people find him like that would have led to an investigation Riley. Think before you act." I see him suck his teeth, look away, and he says, "I knows. Fuck. I don't want Grandad getting sick over stupid shit like that but all I fucken saw was that asshole touching her, just like that other dick. She thinks I beat the shit outta him cuz he called me a nigger. The fuck. I 'on't fucken care what they say about ma ass. I'm black. I know what people will always say when I leave the fucken room. I know that shit. What I fucken care about is that she ain't like that."

I inhale, remembering we almost got into it when I found out what Jazmine's younger sister and he did after I explicitly told her not to retaliate. But, I know him, and I know he didn't do it just to beat the shit out of him but to send him and all his friends a message. And I know he's right about what people say about us. What they say when we walk out of the room. I know if I do take the legal route, he will probably take sports or art, one of which will welcome him and the other where he will always struggle to be accepted. But, I suspect, if he has her, he might not care about the struggle as much. I say, "Riley." I see him look back at me and I say, "Then be around to protect her. Do not do shit without first thinking about the consequences. If I wasn't there and he blacked out or you killed him the cops would've been all over the place and would've seen you on camera. You would have gone to prison. Not juvi Riley. That's not where we go. That conviction is a felony and we go to prison. This world is still ass backwards and wouldn't have seen you weren't in your right mind. And then what? Where does that leave her?" I see him inhale and look away. I continue, "Yeah. Exactly. Alone. I can only do so much while we're in school. After school you're always with her, so she's never alone. But she would be. And beginning Monday you better consider what her being alone while we're in school or after school will mean." I see him look back at me, thinking again.

I hear Hiro say, "Yeah. What's up with that? Homeroom teacher said some shit about a program that starts on Monday and people coming in. Didn't fucken bother telling us before today." I hear Caesar exhale and he says, "Yeah, I looked it up. It's some program to bring inner city kids into the school. Has to do with getting money from the state." I hear Hiro say, "For real man?" I hear that exhale again and then Caesar says, "For real. This school is primarily funded by the parents of these rich kids, but I think the school still wants more money from the state and bringing in kids from the city to up their quota will probably help. I mean I think unless you're from this area or got some money it's pretty fucken hard to petition to get into this school. Shit the only reason we're even here is cuz of the house uncle Leo's renting and I think the only reason we got that house was cuz Jazzy and Cin's mama knew some people in the real estate business. We black and I know how the system still works." I exhale and say, "Jim Crow Laws are illegal but racial discrimination didn't leave with them."

The table's quiet for another ten seconds and then I hear Hiro say, "Well when shit goes down you know what side I'll be on." I look at him, see him smirking at Caesar, and remember he stopped being Hiro a long time ago and he's just part of us. I hear Caesar say, "I know bro. But luckily shit isn't going down right now. But." He stops, looks back at the girls, and I hear him say, "We do gotta make sure to keep an eye on them. I think the school's even bringing kids from outside the state." I inhale, remembering researching last night about the program, and I get that feeling, the one from the last week of school. Shit. I look up, see those hips at the front of the line, feel that feeling subsiding, and say, watching them move back and forth, "I'm going to continue my training but I'm going to have Jazmine start up on her attack moves again. Sunday. Her sister will probably be there." I hear my brother say, "Cin be there and we starting up on her shooting."

Then I hear Caesar say, "I know we all hanging out tomorrow, but you think we can bring the girls over on Sunday and you can show us how you two train them?" I nod and before I can respond I hear my brother say, "Bring 'em." I hear a few exhales, followed by snickers, and then their cackles. Then I hear Caesar say, "Fuck. I thought it was gonna be smooth fucken sailing from here." I look over at him, see him looking at the girls, and he says, "But overall, I couldn't care less. I'd still move here."

I hear my brother's cackle and he says, "Fuck. I wanna see who they be bringing in. I'ma still rule this school by next week when tryouts show who is Young Reezy no matter who the fuck's here." I exhale, hear those other two laughing, and hear Hiro say, "And then what? What's gonna happen when girls be throwing themselves at your ass? You think homegirl be cool with that shit?" I see my brother's eyebrow rise, knowing he's about to say something idiotic, and he says, "Shit. I ain't gotta wait to play ball to run this school or have that shit happen. This morning two came up between periods to ask for ma number. I knows what they're 'bout. I am Young Reezy and girls be throwing themselves at me right now, with and without clothes, hoes and not hoes." I hear their cackle and then Caesar says, "Hiro, your ass still getting numbers dropped? Cuz that shit hasn't fucken stopped for me and I'm getting a little fucken tired of it." I hear Hiro respond, "Yeah man. That shit still fucken happening. Got three during first and four during second I had to throw in the trash before walking outta class to make sure Lauren didn't see them. I think I only got those four cuz I took off my sweater. Shit." I look over at Hiro, see him look at me, see him smirk, and he says, "It ain't my fault girls like my tats." I hear them laughing again, close my eyes and shake my head, remembering the numerous connections he has, including people in the tattoo industry. I continue hearing the cackles, remembering they can be idiots, but they're still my friends, and the only ones I trust.

I continue feeling the headache and start hoping tomorrow can come sooner to have that hand in my hair and then I hear, "Huey, so I was hoping we can finally go to a party since I invited you last year and we never got to go." I feel the shiver, look over at that girl, see her look over at the table, and she says, "Damn. I know you're his brother and you two must be friends, but how did you all end up sitting together, looking like you all do?" I feel my eyebrow rise and then hear my brother's cackle, feeling the headache expand, and hear him say, "Tol' you McHater. That shit gotta be over twenty-five." I hear the other two laughing, see that girl flip her hair, and hear her say, "That must mean the best because I am the prettiest girl at this school, but I wanted to invite you Huey and of course your friends to a party I'm having at my house a week from tomorrow, you know to celebrate the beginning of the school year and our amazing sports teams." I hear Caesar say, "Look girl, before Riley talks shit I'd walk away. And, we know what those parties are 'bout. We ain't from here and been to real parties but they all the same. It's 'bout some dumb girls that wanna drink 'nough to do what they really be thinking about, like hooking up with idiots." I look over a Caesar, see him exhale, see him smirk and he says, "And we ain't looking for those kinda girls." I look back at that girl, wondering if she's smart enough to know an insult when she hears it, see her look him up, feel my eyebrows rise, knowing the answer to that question, and she says, "And what are you looking for?" I hear Hiro and my brother laughing and I close my eyes, wondering when lunch is going to end, along with this week.

Then I hear a girl's voice say, "Best stop looking at him like that before I slap you hoe." I open my eyes and see Ming put her hand on Caesar's shoulder, standing behind him. I feel that hip, look to my left, and see those forest greens staring at that girl that came to invite us to a party apparently no one wants to go to. I look over that bun and see that girl, Lauren, holding a bag with what I assume are those drinks they went to get. I look over and see Hiro standing next to her and I remember they also went on a date this week because Hiro's never been one to wait for something he wants, unlike my brother and I. My idiot brother. I look over at Riley and see Jazmine's sister using him as the furniture he is to her with her bent elbow on his shoulder.

Then I hear that girl say, "You gotta be fucken kidding me. You're seeing these girls. You know they're all either on the basketball team, which means they probably don't even know how to wear makeup, or dress like they're a nun even if the school doesn't care what we wear." I hear her inhale and I put my hand on her leg, feel her jeans and squeeze, reminding myself how thick and firm they are, and hear her exhale. I hear Ming say, "Look. I don't care what you think about us. We don't have to wear two pounds of makeup because one, we don't feel like it, and two, we don't need it. And I don't even know where you come off saying shit about us dressing like nuns, and really it doesn't matter because we like how we dress." I hear that voice next to me say, "And our boyfriends like how we dress enough they're with us and not you. Now leave before I crawl over my boyfriend's lap and we start the school year with a slap so hard everyone sees your panties, again." I shiver, remembering. I feel her scoot up and wonder how she knows that helps.

I hear Cindy add, not helping the situation, "You come here again wicket witch and I'ma pull out each one of those ugly ass extensions." I see that girl exhale, look over at Hiro, see her look him up, and hear Lauren say, "Pinche sata, look at him again and I will show you exactly how hard a girl on the school's basketball team can swing." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing Spanish well enough along with a few curse words, hear the snicker next to me, see that girl look down at Jazmine, see her eyes travel over to me, look me up and lick her lips. Out of the corner of my eye I see those hips stand and that leg connected to that small purple converse move up. I turn, grab those hips, and push them back down. I see her inhale and she says, "Let me go Huey." I move my hands up, onto her waist, knowing having my hands on her hips is not something we let anyone else see, look at those lips I get to see for homeroom, math and history class this year, and I say, "Not the first week Jazmine. Remember why you stopped me this morning." I look back up at those solid forest greens, see her exhale, inhale, close those eyes, and I feel my smirk, remembering she said she was going to start learning how to meditate. Then I hear her sister say, "Leave now befor' one of us leaves tread marks on your face. And you look at ma ride or die one more fucken time, I fucken promise you ma bomb as mama, who you know, will be bailing me out today."

I hear an exhale and hear that voice say, "Huey, remember you can find me where the popular kids that actually have morals and money hang out." I hear steps as someone is walking away and hear a few exhales at the table. I squeeze that waist, see those forest greens again, see that smirk, see those lips move and hear her say, "Hi bestie." I want to remind her about that name, but I also want to ask her if she would have really crawled over my lap to get to that girl. Then I hear my brother say, "She the reason I lost that bet C-Murph?" I hear the girls laughing, see that smile, followed by her laugh, hear the bell ring, see her stop laughing, and hear her whisper, "Let's go big hair." I exhale, roll my eyes, look back at those forest greens, feel my smirk, and nod.

* * *

I look over the brushes, combs, new scissors and smile. I hear the two knocks, followed by a pause, then another knock, hear my sister's sweet laugh and Hiro's and Caesar's voices. I hear the door close, steps going up the staircase, and then I hear her warm voice say, "Sis, the girls be here." I turn and say, "So, who's first?" I see them lift their hands, reminding me of their boyfriends, even if it's not completely official yet, laugh, and say, "Okay, well since your hair's shorter Lauren and we don't have that much time and it'll finish washing faster, let's start with you."

* * *

I say, "So tell us more about the date. We only got to talk for a little during lunch." I see her head move down and I say, "Lauren." I hear her apologize and then hear her say, "I really have to stop that habit." I hear my sister say, over the running water, "You shy girl. We all gots different quirks and whatnot." I smile and close the scissors, cutting off the last hair, step back, and say, "Okay, turn around." I see her turn, see that dark straight hair move back naturally with the long layers, framing her face and making it look a little rounder. Her face really is oval shaped, but the haircut is making it look rounder and fuller and now her hair will move back without having to hold it with a hairclip or scrunchies. I smile, seeing her hazel eyes and flawless chocolate colored skin. I see her tilt her head and she says, "Jazzy?" I laugh and say, "Maybe Caes is right about us." I hear my sister and Ming say, "What?" I laugh and tell them what he said.

I hear Ming say, "Well, shit. They better be thinking that." I smile, remembering how comfortable she is with us just after a week of hanging out and curses just as much as my little sister. I hear Lauren say, "Yeah, well you three are really pretty and a lot of guys and even some girls think you're hot. I play ball so at least I work out and that helps with me staying fit but I really, I just." She stops, closes her mouth, and stares at the floor. I sit down on the chair by the door, and put the scissors down on the bathroom shelf we got after my sister moved in. I look over at my sister, see her look at me, as she keeps drying Ming's hair over the sink with the towel, see those warm dark ocean blue eyes sparkle, see her look back at Lauren and she says, "Lauren, look at me."

I see Lauren look over at my sister, exhale, and after a few seconds she says, "I kinda have always had issues with thinking I'm okay looking. It started when I was a kid because of my family and then it just got worse when kids would make fun of me at school. I hated it. Playing basketball was the only time I didn't care about that stuff and I felt really happy. So, I got really into it, got on the basketball team at my middle school and, at least at school, people started treating me better. So, I just kept going and it's been like that since. People at school are nicer to me now and don't make fun of me, but it still feels weird when guys look and." I see her blush, look down, and she says, "It feels really weird when Hiro looks at me like that. Nice, but weird."

I hear Ming say, "Of course he looks at you like that. You're fucken pretty Lauren." I smile, hearing how much my sister and Ming talk like each other. I see Lauren look up and she says, "Thanks Ming. I just still feel weird about such a cute guy that's also super nice liking me. And then that whole thing that happened with Ashley yesterday and I don't know if he thinks it was weird that I said that to her. I mean we texted last night, and he didn't say anything about it, and then right now he didn't say anything about it either, just kept looking at me." I hear my sister laugh and then hear her say, "Lauren, when you said that shit Hiro was looking at you like you were his next fucken meal." I see Lauren look up, see her face completely red and she says, "Really? So he was okay with that?" I hear all three of us say, "Yeah." We all stop, look at each other, and start laughing.

Then I hear Lauren say, "So I shouldn't stop seeing him?" I feel my eyes get big and then hear all three of us say at the same time 'what', 'the fuck', and 'hell no'. I see Lauren look down and then say quieter, "But he's really cute and there are lots of girls at the school that look at him, even Ashley." I hear my sister say, "But he likes you. So you tell us why those other bitches matter? And you know what, the 'on't matter. Why you even thinking about not seeing his ass when I knows you like him?"

I see her look up, look down again, and hear her almost whisper, "I like him, but I just don't see why he wants to even date me. I mean Derek only wanted to see me because he thought I would kiss him on the first date. But Hiro, he's really cute, and really nice, and I just, I just." I look back at my little sister, remembering that day, see her looking at me, see her smile at me with her eyes, see her turn back to Lauren, and she says, "Lauren, you look at me right now and tell us the fuck's going on." I look back, see Lauren's face come up, see those tears at the corner of her eyes, blink those watery eyes, staring at my sister, while we all wait. After maybe another ten seconds she says, "I don't think I'm pretty enough for him. Before him, Derek was my first real date and that turned out bad. And Hiro's been super sweet and respectful, took me mini golfing and then we played in the arcade for a while. But." I see her inhale, and then she says, I think taking courage from looking into my sister's eyes, "Growing up, my cousins were mean to me. They." I see her purse her lips and she says, "They told me I was ugly because of how dark I was." I hear myself what "What?"

I see her turn those hazel eyes to me, see them still a little watery, and hear her say, "They would make fun of me because I was darker than them. I look like my mom, who's really pretty. My dad says so. But my cousins were really mean. Even my stepsister from my dad's first marriage. She lives with her mom, but we lived together for a little bit and she was just as mean as my cousins. They would call me names because I wasn't as light skin as them. I mean I like that I look like my mom and my mom's family that are mostly African. But, my dad's family is more Spanish looking with the white skin. And." I see her look down and she says, "I'm sorry. I don't usually talk about this stuff. But this is really why I'm thinking about not seeing him anymore. But, you're right, you are my friends, and I don't have anyone else to talk about this with. And really, I don't want to stop seeing him. But I didn't want to tell anyone either, I was just gonna stop talking to him, because I don't know what to do about these feelings and no one wants to hear 'why the one girl on the basketball team always hides her face and doesn't think she's pretty enough for a guy she's seeing' stuff." I feel my eyes open and I say, "Lauren, that's the kind of stuff you should talk about with us, if not it bottles up inside of you and you end up being really unhappy and maybe not seeing people you like because of it." I see her look up at me, see those tears at the corner of her eyes and she says, "I was gonna tell him after tonight that I didn't wanna see him anymore."

I see my sister's braids, see her kneel in front of Lauren, see Lauren's eyes open seeing her in front of her, and I hear my sister say, "So your ass thinks cuz you have a fucked up family who said stupid shit to you when you were little you ain't pretty 'nough to deserve what you want and you just gonna stop talking to his ass?" I smile, knowing where my little sister is going with this. I hear my sister say, "I know Lauren. I know. But you ain't those people. You ain't fucked up like them, telling a lil fucken girl that she too dark or ain't pretty. That's fucked up and those people need to learn to shut the fuck up." I feel my smirk and then hear Ming say, "Lauren." I see Lauren look over at Ming and hear Ming say, "How do you feel about your color? And answer that shit with the truth. Not what those people said. How do you really feel about it, no matter how dumb you think it sounds."

I see Lauren inhale, blink, see those tears drying, and after a few seconds, she says, "I think I'm really pretty because I look like my mom. I think they were just mean and jealous like my mom said. I think when my dad looks at my mom he sees a very beautiful woman that he loves. I love that I'm African and Puerto Rican. And I'm happy my mom and dad moved away from Florida to get away from that part of the family. And." I see her stop, inhale, smile, blush and she says, "I like how Hiro looks at me and how cute he is and how nice he is, and I really want to kiss him next time I see him."

I smile and say, "Well if he's their friend you're going to have to make the first move." I wonder when I got so comfortable talking about this stuff. Then I hear my sister and Ming say, "Damn straight." We all look at each other and start laughing.

* * *

I hear that screech followed by, "Riley, you better fucken step on that shit cuz I'm 'bout to win." I hear Cindy say, "He on it. Shit Hiro, can he press the damn control, can he put his fingers on the damn buttons, shit, why you sweating him?" I look over at Hiro, see his eyebrow rise, with Lauren sitting next to him on our living room floor, and I hear Hiro say, "You just mad homie cuz you about to lose fifty." Then I hear, "Gots it homie! Fuck yeah!" I look over and see Riley drop the control, stand and hear him say, "Now you can stop talking shit Hiro! Cuz I am Young Reezy!" I look back down at my book, exhale, and hear Hiro say, "Riley, we fucken tied. And only reason we at this bet is cuz you said I didn't know how to play GTA."

I shake my head, feeling the headache, feel the book on contract law and tort being lifted out of my hands, I let go of the book, look up and see her holding the book with a cup in her other hand. I say, "Jazmine." I see that smile and she says, "Break, slash, friend time, and I made tea." I know. I know that smell. I inhale, look at those lips, knowing she's staying over tonight, nod, and take the cup.

I see those hips walking away with that book, I'm sure to put in my room, and then hear Caesar say, "Should'a bet money on both your asses losing." I hear Lauren say, "Well technically, Hiro finished all the missions first and they did tie so." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing after we went to pick them up across the street, Hiro and Lauren stayed on the front porch of Jazmine's house to talk for about half an hour. It's none of my business, but I'm sure Hiro will now stop wondering if other guys are asking her out during class, and if so, how she responds. I hear Ming say, "Sticking up for your man already Lauren?" I see that girl get beet red, see Hiro look down at her, and feel both my eyebrows rise seeing him lean down and kiss her on her forehead. He's never cared about what others think as long as he's content.

I feel my inhale, feeling those hips sit down to my left. She knows I like her sitting there, in case of an intruder. But, I also like the fact that the coffee table is on my right. I put down the cup, bring my left arm around, put it behind that slim back, and hold those hips, remembering I have never cared what people think about me, her, or us. And, these are my friends. And, we're home.

* * *

I look up, see those legs in those shorts, go up, see those hips, lick my lips, knowing it's just us two, see that stomach under that white shirt, and exhale, seeing that robe that's hiding what I want to stare at just for three exact seconds since we are alone. I go up and see those lips, see that smile, see them move, and hear her say, "I have something for you." I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at those eyes, see that long thick blonde afro, that's wet and looks like thick loose curls right now, possibly heavy from that strawberry smelling shampoo, and I say, "What is it?" Normally, I would berate her for even thinking I would accept anything, need anything, but, we're alone, and I want to see what she has for me. I see her take three steps up, standing next to me now, while I sit on the bed, leaning on the headboard, and see that smile that belongs to me, damn the world if no one ever knows it belongs to me.

I see her move her hands from behind her back and see she's holding something square shaped, wrapped in that brown paper. I ask, "How much of that brown wrapping paper did you buy?" I hear her laugh and she says, "Just open it bestie." I roll my eyes, grab it, wondering when I stopped rejecting her gifts, unwrap it, and inhale.

I look up at those dark forest green eyes I get to see from about six o'clock every day, until she goes home or at least tonight, until she falls asleep, put the gift down, grab those hips, pull her in, and kiss her. I feel those hands on my shoulders and I feel myself getting hard already. Fuck. I pull away and I say, "Jazmine, I'm sorry." I feel those arms come around my shoulders, hold me, feel her head on right shoulder, smell that shampoo, close my eyes, and I bring down my hands, away from her hips. I hear her say into my shoulder, feeling her hands moving up and down between my shoulder blades, "I'm happy you let me give you a gift and it's not your birthday and there's no barbecue in a few days."

I inhale, exhale, and feel relief knowing that robe is keeping me away from her upper body, at least for now. I also feel the hardness subsiding, slowly, and exhale. I say, "How did you know I needed more?" I hear her say, "I saw your journal in your locker and knew you were going to run out soon and I want to make sure you always have somewhere to write your dreams and goals." I squeeze my eyes, trying to regain that self-control, remembering we're not ready, but knowing, like I know who I am, who my family is, who my trusted friends are, I will always do more and beyond what is necessary for them, my people, and this strong girl that ask for nothing but be allowed to make my mother's tea and hold me while we sleep in a fashion I could never assume I would want or need. I will be more, do more, change more, I know that. And I also know, we will be together in that sense, if she ever wants to, when she wants to, because she knows that's how I was raised.

I inhale that smell and I hear her say, "Talking about your dreams I was wondering something bestie." I open my eyes, pull back, see her looking at me, I nod, and she says, "Can you tell me about that dream again, the one where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wasn't assassinated but went into a coma and Oprah becomes President." I feel my eyebrows rise and I say, "You remember that?" I hear her say, "Of course. You told me when we were ten that you had that dream and I wrote it down in my diary, but I wanna hear it from you again." I feel my smirk, remembering I like that tint on those freckles and I know how to make it appear, and ask, "What else did you write about me in your diary?" I see that tint, see her open her mouth, close it, swallow, and look away. Then she says, "Stuff." I inhale, knowing she doesn't know I never had to write my thoughts about her, they just were.

I exhale and say, "It's a long one. You should sit down, maybe on the bed with me." I see her look back at me, smile, nod, and she says, "Okay bestie."

After she's laying down, with that long thick hair over my arm, I look down, seeing her hand over my stomach, drawing over my night shirt. She starts with a heart and I look up at that poster over the broacher of our first date at DuSable, exhale, and I start with, "Martin Luther King Jr. was shot in Memphis, Tennessee on April 4th, 1968. He was critically injured. Doctor King fell into a coma. The world waited for news of his fate. There were no riots. Time passed. King faded in memory..."

* * *

I feel her scoot up, feel those breasts, close my eyes, and try to relax. Tomorrow they will all be here at noon. I will start those two off on basic self-defense with Caesar and Hiro watching me teach them and Riley will have Jazmine and her sister practice new moves that will require more upper body strength but will make it possible to disable a full-grown man if they don't let them pass in the fucken hallway. I inhale, feeling my temperature rising, feel her scoop up closer, and I swallow. Last week I fell asleep before she did because, although I do not want to acknowledge this fact, I am human and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes I do tire. But tonight, I'm sure after spending time with her sister and her friends, she's tired. I believe she also cut their hair. Now she cuts hair. I want to shake my head, knowing she really hasn't stopped surprising me in almost six years.

I exhale, hear a mumble that ends with 'warm brain', and feel my smirk turning into that thing she calls a smile. I know next week, Monday, there will be new foes to face, new challenges, not because of the kinds of kids, but because people, groups, crowds, a group of kids, can be incredibly stupid. I feel her scoot up closer, pushing her breasts up against my back, I swallow, knowing she trust me. And, Sarah, Grandad, her sister, they all trust me, but I care more about the fact that she trust me. I care. I exhale. I want that shine, that hope, that trust there, and will do everything and more in my power to make sure it stays there, so at least on Saturday nights, I can end my day with telling her about my dreams that hold some possible truth, like Oprah becoming the first black female President, and some fantasy, like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. not having been assassinated.

I hear myself say, "Goodnight Jazzy." I feel her kiss my back between my shoulder blades, not sure if she's awake or asleep, but let myself enjoy it and what she calls my smile stay on my face, hoping none of this, what is happening right now is a dream, and she lets me wake up to her holding me in this way again.

* * *

Yo people. Okay. So I got midterms and other stuff coming up. I will more than likely, probably, I'm pretty damn sure, be working on the next chapter next week after my two midterms are out of the way. But I do appreciate all of them comments because they make me SO magically happy. Please continue with them. I hope you all enjoyed this one.

Laters,

Bulma's Ego.


	25. First day of Program and Who?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you for your comments. I look forward to them. I'm also happy you're enjoying the story so much. I do love the protectiveness here to. Please let me know what you think about the two chapters if you can.

ThickBlackGirl: Girl, you know Hiro being a thug is just how it has to be LOL. I love it to. Yes the self-control is on game here. We'll see how long it last LOL. Hope you like the next two chapters.

CHAPTER 25:

I see those eyes open and she says, "Were you counting my freckles bestie?" I inhale. She's been awake for two minutes and kept breathing normally. I knew when I saw that tint. I see her smile and I wonder if she can sleep over again tonight. I want to finish _The Souls of Black Folk _with her hand in my hair. It's literature most would find difficult to read because sociology in general is hard for people to grasp, let alone the kind that focuses, dissects, the impact racism has had on the education and economic status of blacks in the South. But, I have never been one to shy away from a difficult read because it was difficult. And, it so happens that the author was not only one of the founders of the NAACP, but his last name reminds me of her. I exhale. I do not need her hand in my hair to finish reading that book, but I would rather have it. I inhale. I need more time to figure out these thoughts, these feelings, to give them precise definition. I focus on that smile and hear her say, "Thirty-three right?"

I kiss her and let myself close my eyes. I feel her hand on my shoulder and I let her pull me in. Then I feel her breasts, feel myself at that point, and I pull away. I open my eyes, see her eyes are still closed, see her open them again, smile at me, and she says, "I know I can't stay over tonight, but can I stay over next Saturday night?"

I close my eyes and start counting all the things that help in this kind of situation. Baseball, Reaganomics, screeching voices, and I exhale feeling the hardness leaving, but not quite. I breathe out, breathe in, open my eyes, see her looking at me, and I say, "Yes." I see that smile and then hear her say, "Can we cuddle for a little, please?" I exhale and then hear her say, "It's okay. I know we're not watching a movie so maybe later when," but I cut her off and say, "Jazmine." I see her close her mouth. I continue, "After I come back." I see her smile, see that tint cover her face, and hear her whisper, "Okay bestie."

After I'm done, I walk out and hear the news about another possible impeachment and wonder if it's Ukraine again or the fact that he is just an idiot. I hear that voice from the living say, "Huey, come in here boy." I exhale, knowing I do not want to have that talk again, not because of the subject matter but because Grandad acts like he's never heard the medical terminology for male and female body parts. There is also the fact that he really did not know I was that aware of sex, how it happens, what can result from it, and how to prevent pregnancies and STDs. His excuse of course, 'they didn't let us take sex education classes back in my day', just like classes to learn CPR. I roll my eyes, walk back to the living room, walk in, and say, "Grandad."

I see him in his recliner and remember I have to fix that foot that finally gave out last week. I look up, see him look up at me, and he says, "Where's cutie pie?" I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "Grandad, you know she slept over." I see him nod and he says, "She still sleeping?" I feel my other eyebrow rise and I answer, "No. She's waiting for me. We're suppose to have everyone here at noon to start them on their training again." I see him nod again, exhale, turn back to the TV, turn it off, see him turn back to me, and he says, "You remember what I told you boy?" I exhale, remember to not roll my eyes at him only out of respect, and say, "Yes, Grandad. I told you we're not ready," but he cuts me off with, "I know Huey." I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "So then why bring this up?" I see him exhale, look away, and he says, "Because boy, you say you're not ready, but things happen. I just don't want cutie pie in a bad situation, too early for those things." I feel my smirk and say, "Grandad, are you telling me I cannot control myself enough for it to happen, if it does, when we're ready?" I see him look back at me with both eyebrows lowered and he says, "Boy, know you listen. Just cuz you know about it don't mean you know about it. It ain't like one of your books or projects where you spend all my money on can food and cereal. Things do happen that we aren't ready for." I inhale, and say, "Grandad, I wouldn't let that happen." I see him purse his lips and I close my mouth. There are few instances I've seen him mad. He stopped beating me, or trying to, several years ago, Riley only a few years back, but that temper could cause his blood pressure to rise. I say, "Grandad, you need to calm down or your blood," but he cuts me off with, "Damn it Huey. Now you listen. You two my grandsons but those two are the closest thing I got to grandbabies that don't break my things. And, I don't wanna see anyone of you with babies too young. Now, you listen to me because I've lived a long damn life and I've seen things that good people, kids, had to go through cuz their dumbasses, usually some nigga's fault, didn't think that could happen just cuz it felt good at that moment." I exhale and remember he has lived a long life and he did predict, or at least give a somewhat accurate estimate, of Jazmine and I and even my brother and her younger sister.

I see him exhale and look back at the TV. I exhale, walk to the kitchen, fill a cup with water, walk over to him and say, "Grandad." He looks at the glass, grabs it, and starts drinking. I exhale, sit down on the sofa next to him, and wait for him to finish.

I hear the glass being placed on the table next to him and he says, "Huey, now listen." I look over hearing how slow he's speaking. I see him look down, with eyes focused on the floor, and he says, "We were happy. Real happy. Your grandma and I with our boy. But," he stops, looks up at that clock, and says, "It was hard. You probably already know, knowing you like figuring things out cuz you're like your mother, but your grandma and I were young when we had your daddy. Happened right after the war. I came home. Your grandma got pregnant. We were still young. And because of that it was hard. If we would've waited maybe we could've had a place of our own to give your daddy a better upbringing in a nicer neighborhood, a better education, just more." He stops, I see him smile at that clock, and he says, "I wouldn't change a damn thing about my life. Your grandma and daddy were the best things that happened to me, but." He stops, swallows, turns to me, and says, "I would've wanted to give them more. I would've wanted to have your daddy born when we had a place of our own, a small house with a backyard where he could play, not an apartment with no place for him to be." I inhale, remembering our parents and how they struggled. She said they had a full life. Maybe, possibly, it could have been a combination of both.

I hear Grandad say, "I ain't saying you're gonna do the same thing, but you are a man Huey, at least close to becoming one, and sometimes things do happen. So, all I'm saying is that you be ready and have something there in your room if it happens. You're always the one talking about being prepared boy. So, be prepared." I inhale, look away, remembering their struggle and how they lived, knowing I will do all I can to not have us, her, struggle like that, if she lets me. I say, "Okay Grandad." I hear him exhale, feel my eyebrow rise, look back at him and say, "Do you really not trust me that much Grandad?" I see him look back at the TV, turn it back on, knowing the conversation is over, and hear him say, "It ain't that Huey. It's just your dumb brother that be following you, same thing goes with baby girl following cutie pie. So, if you two be careful, those two will be careful to." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "If you say so." Maybe he doesn't know us as much as he thinks he does. I stand up, start walking out of the living room and hear, "Huey, I ain't done." I stop, turn around to face him again, see him still looking at the TV, not sure if he's even listening to what's actually happening in Turkey right now, and he says, "I'm only saying this cuz I been in relationships more times than I can count, but you best tell cutie pie why you have them, or she'll start thinking you got another girl." I hear myself say, "What?" I see him look back at me and he says, "Tell cutie pie about them or she gonna find them in your room one day and think you're with someone else." I open my mouth, see him pull his hand up, stopping me from talking, and he says, "No boy. You listen to me on this. Women be crazy when they think you're with someone else. She will always be my cutie pie but she still a woman." I close my mouth, knowing I don't want to hear more, and say, "Fine." I turn and before I reach the door to my room I hear him say, "And tell cutie pie to come out here and make me some tea." I roll my eyes at the door, turn the doorknob, and walk in. I close the door behind me and exhale, seeing that afro. She didn't put it in that bun. The bun I still have to touch one day. But at least for now, what she calls 'cuddling' and I call 'letting me feel content' is all that's happening.

After we're laying down, letting me rest my head on top of her head, feeling her upper back inhale and exhale with her breathes, I hear her say, "I heard Grandad saying he wants me to make him tea." I exhale through my nose, hear that giggle, and hear her say, "I'll make some for you to bestie." I close my eyes, feeling the tiredness, and her scratching the inside of my palms with her small nails, wondering about this feeling of her nails in my palms many times, when she would grab something out of my hand or would grab my hand for any 'Jazmine' reason but even now I cannot describe this feeling even to myself. I feel how small they are, how she fits this well inside of my body, knowing I do not believe in fate or the possibility of people that are meant to be with each other. People are born in the time they are, they live, sometimes making the world better, many more times making it worse, and then they die. Sometimes they meet people, have children, leave their DNA behind in the form of another generation, and then they die. I do not believe people meet the 'perfect person', they just meet the people that are closest to them physically whether through friends or family but mostly through socioeconomic status. I feel her draw the letter 'R' on my palm, I exhale, and remember my mother's name. My mother. How she struggled working that part-time job cleaning houses while my father finished his teaching credential. She would've liked her. She would've thought she was beautiful. She would've said that it doesn't matter whether she's black, white, or three quarters African. She would've said those freckles belong to her and because they belong to her they're beautiful. I exhale, squeeze her into me, and say, "I do not want." I stop, swallow, and continue, "For us to be unprepared." I feel her shift and hear her say, "For what bestie?" I exhale and say, "If we ever." I stop. Why is this so hard to talk about with her? I can name every sex organ of the human body without flinching. But, I also admit, the only times we've talked about sex have been right before stopping ourselves from going further and it's easy to talk about things that are happening at the moment because we are in the moment. It's either that or we are talking about something completely different, like about my past, in Aunt Cookie's house with my family downstairs. I inhale, remembering this needs to be discussed. I hear her voice say, "If we ever have sex." I feel her stop at 'W' for W.E.B. DuBois. I exhale, open my eyes, looking at the sun coming through the window and the particles in that sunlight, knowing if particles did not exist, we would not exist or would be having this conversation about actions this society has deemed 'sinful' to talk about because of religious reasons I do not agree with. I inhale, exhale, and say, "Yes."

I hear her swallow, hear those small slow breaths, feel my smirk, and hear her say, "So do you think we should have condoms here, just in case?" I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "When did you get so comfortable talking about sex Jazmine?" I hear her inhale, feel her shift, and I look down. I see her turn around to face me, see her move that afro behind her head, feeling that pull on my face seeing her struggle with the lose curls in her face, see her smile up at me with her face covered in that tint, and hear her say, "Well, even before I knew what it was, I think I always wanted it to be with you, so I have to try to talk to you about it right?" I inhale, look at those lips, and I say, "It will only happen if you want it to." I see that smile and hear her whisper, "Well I want us both to want it and be ready for it." I don't want to tell her I have been ready for about a year when the thoughts started coming to me, first with just dreams and waking up sweating, then thoughts late at night, and then thoughts about her, berating myself knowing she was my friend and I should not be thinking about her in that way, and more importantly, it was not something I would ever ask of her. I look up at those morning jades and say, "Don't worry about me in either respect and don't feel that you ever, in anyway have to, ever, with me or just ever." I feel her move up and kiss me. I feel those hands on my chest, those nails dig into my shirt, and I inhale. I feel her move away and hear her whisper, "I only want it to be you Huey, when I'm ready." I remember I took care of that seven minutes ago and I can probably enjoy her for a while before I have that problem again. So, I move down, grab those hips, push them up against me, hear her swallow, and I say, honestly and with purpose, "I want to kiss you until they get here, and we have to do what you call 'friend time' again." I see that smile and her nod. I move in and kiss her, feeling those full lips, and feel her suck on my upper lip. I squeeze those hips, feel her shiver, and then hear, "Cutie pie, come make your Grandad some tea." I move away, groan, knowing after we leave this room we're going to be surrounded by people, like we are every day of the week, until Saturday night when we can be alone again. I hear that giggle, feeling that organ skip a beat, and I hear her whisper, "Maybe next weekend we can have a non-friend Sunday where we just spend the day with each other." I exhale, look at those eyes, and say, "Yes." I see that smile and hear her say, "Okay, let's go out there so I can make your mom's tea for everyone." I inhale, nod, and know next Sunday we are staying in this room or doing anything she wants as long as it involves only us and none of my trustworthy idiot friends.

* * *

That. Training. Was. Hard. I mean we already knew how to defend ourselves. And really it's just about fifty more students that are starting today so why are the boys being so overprotective? I feel my cheeks getting warm thinking about him this morning and how we was being about me going to my locker. I told him it would take a few minutes and it seemed like Caesar needed to talk to him anyways. So I told him I'd be right back, and they could talk. I really should be better about taking my books home on Friday and not just knowing I can use his books since we have more classes together now. I feel my smile knowing I get to have him for math this year to.

But why are they all being so over protective? So far, it's been nice. I like that I've seen a few new kids. So far it's been a few more black kids, some Latinos, because from what Lauren said the description is 'Latino' and not Hispanic because of how brutal the Spanish were with Mexico and Latin America. I love that I'm learning so much now. What was I thinking about? Oh yeah, the new kids. I think I also saw some new middle eastern kids. So, it really has been nice.

I get to my locker, enter the combination, and open it. Side note Jazmine: be more responsible and take all your books home on Friday or you'll keep using Huey's books. I hear myself giggle thinking how he didn't really complain when I asked him for his history book, just handed it to me, and let me read out of it as I made my notes. I feel myself getting even redder thinking about the few times I looked up I caught him looking at me. I feel my lips twist and I pull out my book. I mean now that I think about it I guess he did that before we started dating but back then I just thought he thought I was being weird, and he would stare at me trying to figure out why I was being weird. My history book feels a lot lighter right now. Maybe because Riley's a lot tougher than a history book is heavy. Anyways, I went off on a tangent. What was I thinking about again? Oh yeah. So he would stare at me before, but I just thought he thought I was being weird. I exhale and zip up my 'jazzy' backpack. Maybe he just didn't know I was being quiet because I was thinking about Tom and my mom and how I could help. I stand up, close the locker, turn around, and start walking back. Maybe one day, when I feel more okay with that stuff, I can talk to him about it. I mean he is my best friend and boyfriend. I feel my smile coming back.

I look up, see him, inhale, and keep walking. I feel him walking next to me, feel that creepy feeling I really don't like, so I put my hand in my pocket, happy this skirt has pockets, and I hear him say, "I wanted to say I'm sorry about what happened last week." I close my eyes, open them, and continue walking. I hear him continue, "Look Jazmine, I usually don't act like that. It's just that that guy you hang out with has anger," I cut him off with, "Do not talk about my boyfriend. You don't know anything about him or me and he's right around the corner. Don't bother me again or I'll tell my mother who's an attorney you're harassing me." I hear him inhale, I turn the corner, see that afro still talking to Caesar, and exhale feeling that creepy feeling is gone. I'll tell my bestie about him later. And, I'll put an alarm on my phone to remind me to always get my darn books on Friday before school ends.

I see him look up, smile at him, seeing that hair I'm going to have to touch later today, I hope. Then I see his eyes open, see him take a step up, feel my eyebrow rise, and then I feel a hand on my arm. I close my eyes, tired of this guy, grab my gift from Lauren, turn, put it next to where I think his ear is, and press the button. I hear the blaring sound, feel that hand let go of my arm, hear him curse, and then I press the button again making the blaring sound stop. I hear, "Damn! The fuck Beyoncé! The fuck was that!" I open my eyes, blink, feel both my eyebrows rise and say, "Cairo?" I see him look at me, shake his head, and hear him say, "What!"

I see those broad shoulders step in front of me, look up and see how stiff they are. What is happening? Why is Cairo here? I hear his inhale and I see those shoulders start to shake. No. I say quietly, "Bestie, I'm okay. Please calm down." I see his shoulders shaking with his exhale and I continue, "I just made him deft okay." But why is Cairo in our school? I see his shoulders shake with a longer exhale and then I hear Caesar say, "The fuck you doing here?" I look over and see Caesar's long dreadlocks and remember Ming playing with them on Saturday and him letting her. They're so cute. I shake my head. Focus Jazmine. I purse my lips and say, "Caes, he can't really hear you right now." But, shouldn't Cairo be in Chicago, away from my bestie. My bestie. I put my keychain alarm in my pocket and then put my hand on his back. I see his shoulders come down. Good. I hear Cairo say, "The fuck was that!" I hear Caesar start laughing, making me smile, and I hear him say, "Fucken happy Lauren got those for all of you."

I hear the panting to my right, look over, and wonder if this counselor follows us around waiting for us to get in trouble, then I hear him say, "Of course. I knew this program was a bad idea from the start, bringing in these kinds of people." I hear Huey's inhale, knowing this is not a good time for him to answer this counselor, and I say, "Mr. Leon, I hope you don't mean because some of the new kids are black because that's not only racist, but that could get you fired." I see him look at me, see him inhale, and I look back at him. I will not let him talk about my people or any people like that without defending them.

I hear footsteps, look around and see the security guards in their blue uniforms, probably because of hearing my keychain alarm, and I close my eyes. This is not good.

* * *

_Sissy: Where you at boo?_

_Reply: Still in the main office. You still in the nurses office?_

_Sissy: Yeah. Can't believe this shit. I mean Ming is just not okay. I wanna kill that asshole. _

_Reply: I know sis. Why is he here? _

_Sissy: Don't know sis. My other boo still there?_

She can always make me smile. Love her so much.

_Reply: Yeah. He's still in the principal's office with Hiro I think. I know the other guys are in the conference room._

_Sissy: Okay boo. _

I exhale and then feel my eyes open remembering she's waiting for news to.

_Reply: I'm still here. Hiro and Riley are still in the principal's office I think. Ming's still in the nurses office. I'll text you when I know anything else okay?_

_Lauren: Thanks Jazzy. I'm so worried about them. I feel so bad for Ming. Your sister's texting me so I know she's okay right now. I'm still worried about Hiro. I know he can take care of himself, but I know he won't think about what can happen to him if he's protecting his friends. _

I feel my smirk.

_Reply: Or protecting his girlfriend._

_Lauren: *smiley face* Yep. But let me know what happens. I'll go over there as soon as homeroom ends. Teacher won't let me go, I think because she knows what happened and knows I'll be going over there. _

I exhale, happy she's not as shy with us anymore.

_Reply: Okay. See you soon. _

_Lauren: Yep. _

I put my phone down, feel it vibrate, and look back down at it.

_Sissy: Okay. Ming just came out. Checking her out and then walking over. _

_Reply: Okay. See you soon. Love you._

_Sissy: Love you to sissy. _

I smile, remembering how scary my little sister seems to some people. She's such a cuddle bunny with me and likes laying on the couch, letting me play with her hair while mom massages her ankles, using her legs as a table for her work. I exhale. At least they didn't call mom this time, probably because there wasn't a fight. But I did put a keychain alarm up to a student's ear. God. Why did I do that? Why didn't I just flip him over. I inhale. I think it's because I thought it was that guy Zack and he just creeps me out so much I don't even wanna touch him. I put my phone back in my pocket. The nurses office is just down the hallway so they should be here in less than a minute after signing out Ming. Ming. I wanna see her to see if she's okay.

I hear a warm voice say, "Jazzy sweetheart, can you come in?" I look up, smile, and say, "Yes Ms. Lola." I get up, grab my backpack, and follow her to conference room. Once I walk in, I feel several eyes on me, swallow, and stand there. I here Ms. Lola say, "Sit down sweetheart." I nod, walk over, sit in the seat between Huey and Caesar, and feel myself breathe. Jazmine, you have more courage. Act like it. I look up and see him looking at me. I swallow, pull my chin up, remembering when I flipped him over in Aunt Cookie's house, and smirk. I see him squint his eyes and then see them go down to my shirt, making me feel like my shirt is too tight even though I know it's the right size.

I hear another voice say, "Now Jazmine. I want you to tell us what happened." I exhale, look at the principal, sitting between Leo and Cairo, and start feeling guilty. Why did I do that? Now Huey and Caesar could be in trouble. Caesar just moved here. And Hiro and Riley, I still need to figure out what's going to happen with them. I feel my eyes getting watery. I don't want anyone to be in trouble, specially Caesar and Hiro who have been such good friends to Huey and Riley. I feel a warmth touch my leg for half a second, look up to my right, and see him looking at me. I don't want Huey to get in trouble. I feel my eyes getting even more watery.

Then I hear a warm strong voice say, "Jazmine." I inhale, look over, and see Leo looking at me, smiling. Looking at him, I realize his eyes are a lot darker than Caesar's, pitch black almost, and how much they stand out because of his rich dark skin. I remember mom describing him to grandma on the phone and calling it a rich mahogany. All I see is the big smile that reminds me of Caesar and how much he makes mom laugh when they talk on the phone. I exhale, and say, "Yes Leo?" I can't help but want to be even more polite with him because of how much mom likes him even if she doesn't talk about it.

He smiles and says, "No one is in trouble. The principal just wants to know what happened okay." I swallow, nod, exhale, and tell them how I went to my locker, Zack talking to me, hear the inhale next to me, grab his hand, not caring if he's embarrassed, then I tell them about walking back to Huey, and Cairo grabbing my arm. Then I hear Cairo say, "'Course I ain't the only one after that ass." I hear a few inhales in the room, hear the seat fall back, and feel him letting go of my hand. I squeeze it, feel it pull me, and I say, "Huey, no." I see him stop and know I'll have to thank him one day for letting me stop him sometimes. I see those shoulders shaking and feel my eyes water again. Then, I hear Leo say, "I will only say this once, so listen you little punk." I look down, feeling embarrassed Leo just heard that. I hear him continue, "You will not talk to her or any other woman like that in front of me again or I promise you nothing will stop me from teaching you what a man, growing up in the real streets of Chicago, can do, where we grow up knowing we respect women no matter what's going down. You got me?" I look back at Leo, see him looking at Cairo, look over at Cairo, see him looking at Leo sideways and after a few seconds look away. I feel my eyebrow rise.

I hear the principal's voice say, "I think we should all calm down. Now Huey, please sit down." I look back at him and see those shoulders shaking. I swallow and say, "Huey, please?" I see him exhale slowly, turn, and sit back down, not letting go of my hand, hear a few exhales, and then I sit down. Then I hear Ms. Lola's warm voice from the corner of the room saying, "Principal Harris I think it's best if everyone in the room is aware of the situation before we continue with this meeting." I look over at Ms. Lola and feel my smile remembering she knows all of us after this last barbecue.

I hear an exhale, turn back to the principal, and she says, "You're right Ms. Lola. The situation is this: The program that began today is designed to bring in more diversity into the school. There are of course, as always, financial reasons beneficial to the school that can and should be discussed at the next PTA meeting. Now, the program is conservative in the sense that only fifty students who did not reside in a ten-mile radius and showed competency in one or more areas, again, beneficial to the school, were allowed and helped financially to relocate to this area." I open my mouth and close it, remembering she's the principal and I should not interrupt her. I see her smile at me, probably knowing my question, and she says, "Now, there were some students that were contacted through the help of the authorities who had been labeled as 'problematic' in the sense they already had a negative run-in with the law and are headed down a detrimental path in life." I look back at Cairo, see him looking away still, turn back to the principal, and she continues, "The program is designed with the hope that those students will turn their life around, given the opportunity to start over in a place where they have no connection with their past life, and if they do well, that record could be sponged." I feel my eyes get big thinking about such a great opportunity for anyone. Then she says, "But there are of course limits to how far we will allow those students to misbehave in school, that includes putting their hands on students and speaking to them in a derogatory and/or sexually explicit way that makes them feel uncomfortable." I see her look at Cairo and see him look back at her, see him exhale, and look away.

I hear Leo say, "Principal Harris, seeing as this was neither of my boys' fault or Huey and Riley's, can we please let them go to class and you can punish those two however you see fit?" I see the principal smile at Leo and wonder if he really is that good looking. I know the principal's married, but I guess she can still look. And, he's dating my mom I think. I mean, I know my mom's beautiful, but I guess seeing how women look at Leo and how he looks at my mom I can only guess she's more than beautiful. My sister has the shape of her eyes and a similar color to them and I have her hips. I feel my smile. I hear the bell ring ending homeroom and know my sister and Ming are probably waiting out there and Lauren's probably on her way. I exhale, wanting to go see them, and hear the principal say, "I don't see why not, but I will have to report this to the program." I look over at Cairo, see him squint his eyes looking at the table, and hear him say, "Send my ass back. Knew this shit was too good. Know what I am." I feel the temperature in that hand that I'm holding dropping. I look over at Huey and see him looking at the table, focused. That look.

_I start walking forward behind my sister and mom and feel that hand I was holding letting go. I stop, look back, and see him looking at me. I remember that look. The one I didn't recognize. The one he gave me when I told him he looked like his dad in that picture. I can see it better now. He's sad. That's what that look is. Sadness. Why though? Was he not happy that I defended myself? But, that guy, Cairo, tried grabbing me. Cairo. Cairo used to be his best friend. And, no matter how much people, even Huey himself, think that Huey doesn't feel, he does feel. A lot. You can see that by how passionate he is about everything he does._

_I turn around completely, walk up to him, squeeze that hand that I almost let go of, and say, "You're my best friend Huey. But, he used to be your best friend, when you lived here." I see his eyes focus on me, waiting, like he did at the hospital and in my room after he kissed me the first time. I tell him, "You have permission to feel sad about that."_

That used to be his best friend until he was ten. I know Caesar and him got close after, but those years when he was the loneliest Cairo was there, at least in school, every day, keeping his mind off of his mom's family. I look back at Cairo, see him looking at the table, remember what my sister texted me, remember we can defend ourselves, and say, "Principal Harris can I say one thing please?" I look over at her, see her smile at me, I exhale and say, "Cairo." I see him look back up at me and I say, "I know what happened with my sister. But, I have a feeling it only happened because you told him he could." I see him squint at me and I continue, "My sister and I can defend ourselves a lot more than you think we can, that includes my friends. But you tell Dewey to stay away from her." I see his eyebrow rise, probably wondering where I'm going with this. I exhale and say, "I'm not saying I have any say in what happens from here on, but Principal Harris," I look over at her and say, "I don't want this to be the reason they're sent back." I hear a few 'what's'. I inhale, look back at Cairo, see his eyebrows raised, and I say, "My friends don't look for trouble. They're not just going to start a fight with you, unless you do something really dumb or you come looking for them. It's pretty easy to know who their girlfriends are so just stay away from them or next time Leo will not be reason you look so scared." I feel that hand that's still too cold squeeze my hand and I say, "I don't need either one of you to be nice to us just stay away from us. And yes, I remember what you said at the park about me and I'm not forgiving you for that. You had no right saying that about me or anything you said about Huey or Riley." I see Cairo look down, almost looking ashamed, not sure if it's about what he said about me or Huey and Riley. I exhale, and say, "So, if the principal and the program lets you stay, take this opportunity to change your life. Don't just throw it away because you think you know what you are. If I've learned anything from Huey it's that black men are a lot stronger and more capable than society gives them credit and we have to show society that's the truth. But." I stop, exhale, feeling that cold hand becoming that warm one I know, and say, "If you still want to be what society tells you what they think you are, then go back, keep living the way you have been, and stop blaming others for your decisions."

I see Cairo look back up at me, no longer squinting, and just stare at me. I feel those fingers, almost too warm now, going through my hand and I start feeling my face get warm, and wonder when I'm going to grow out of that habit. I hear the principal clear her throat, so I look at her and she says, "Well thank you for that Jazmine. And you are correct, it really is not up to us what will happen with these two young men. One happen to grab a female student against her will and the other one got into a fight within the first hour of stepping on the premises." I see her exhale and she says, "I will have to notify the program." I look back at Cairo and see him still looking at me, just looking. I look over at Huey, see him looking at me, and smile at him. I see that pull on his face and know a smile when I see it on him.

* * *

I run up to her, hug her as tight as I can, pull away, and say, "Why don't you go home Ming and we'll get your assignments?" I see her look down, her eyes are red, see that arm go around her shoulders, see her look at up Caesar, give him a small smile, and she says, "Nah Jazzy. I wanna be with my friends right now." I exhale, feel that warmth behind me, look over and see my sister standing next to Ming. I feel my smile seeing Riley putting his hand on her shoulder. I see my sister look up at him, smile, and she says, "You clocked his ass real good you know?" I see Riley smirk down at her and he says, "Damn straight and I'll do that shit if he ever looks at you again." I feel my eyebrow rise and feel my smile get bigger, knowing after that fight everyone in the school knows they're together. I see my sister look over at me and I mouth, 'told you'. I see her beautiful smile.

I look over and see Lauren holding Hiro's hand and feel my smile turn into a smirk seeing her flushed face, knowing she ran over here to see that her boyfriend and Ming were okay. Ming. I feel my smile drop, look back at Ming, and see her looking down. Why do I want to strangle that guy? I exhale. I see Ming look up at Caesar and I hear him say, "If I see his ass he's gonna die." I feel my eyebrow rise, see Ming smile up at him, and hear say, "Only after school where you can't get in trouble alright?" I see Caesar smirk, start feeling worried, and hear him say, "Yes ma'am."

I hear that monotone voice say, "We're walking you all to class."

* * *

After all heading in different directions, I feel him getting closer to me, feel my smile, and I hear him say, "Why?"

He doesn't like that question, but right now is not the time to remind him. So, I exhale and say, "I don't know bestie. I just think he deserves a chance. I don't know about Dewey too much. But, I know for sure Cairo could maybe be a better person if he just gets the right opportunities. And." I stop, inhale, and say, "He used to be your best friend so there must be some good in him, even a little. And." I stop, exhale, and say, "I get this feeling that he's not as bad as he was a few months ago. Like what happened over the summer, maybe seeing you, made him think about things a little. And, I mean it shows with him coming here when he could've stayed back there where he would've kept doing the things he was doing." I feel his hand grab my own as we walk down the empty hallways, feel my smile again, and I put my fingers between his.

We keep walking slowly to first period, hearing the muffled voices behind the doors we pass where class already started, and feel my smile get bigger feeling him slow down even more, I think liking us being alone right now. If I would've known it could be like this with him, being with him, the nice quietness we like with each other, and the warmth I get knowing he likes being alone with me, I would have sat on his lap and kissed him years ago. I say, "I want to kiss you before we get to class."

I close my eyes and can't imagine what he's thinking. It's Huey. I feel him stop, let go of my hand, grab my shoulder, turn me, I open my eyes to see those reds, and then feel his lips on me. I close my eyes, inhale, crawl my hands up his torso, open my mouth, move up, and kiss his upper lip, making me think I do have a preference for it. It's just so sweet. I hear him inhale and then hear, "You two should be heading to class." I hear him groan and feel those lips leave me. I open my eyes, see him stand up straight, feel him grab my hand, and we continue walking to our first period, not looking back at Mr. Leon.

* * *

I say, "We could try our new moves on him Ming." When did I get so aggressive? I see her look at me, see her eyes don't look red anymore, and I exhale. I see her smile and she says, "Fuck him. I said I was done with that shit cuz it was nothing. I only cried cuz I was really fucken pissed. I mean I don't care that he's here, but I don't want him in my fucken homeroom." I exhale, look over at that table where her ex is sitting and say, "Ming." I hear her say 'yeah' and I continue, watching him look over at our table, remembering an idea I had this weekend about how I was able to get so many classes with Huey this year, and say, "Tell Ms. Lola what happened in Ohio." I hear my sister say, "Shit sis you right. Ming tell her." I look back at Ming, see her look at my sister and she says, "How do you think that will help?" I hear that voice, a lot more confident than she thinks she is, say, "She'll help Ming. Just tell her." I see Ming look at Lauren, see her exhale, and she says, "Alright." I see my little sister put her arm around Ming's shoulder and I see Ming slump down, leaning on her. I feel my heart swell.

Then I hear, "Hey." I look up, see Caesar sit down next to Ming, see her look over at him, see my sister smirk over at Caesar, move her arm away, and I see Ming scoot over, and go under his arm. I exhale, happy Caesar isn't taking how she reacted the wrong way, probably because he's been in a relationship that lasted a while and, I can only assume because I've only been in one really good relationship, that maybe Caesar knows feelings for ex's don't just go away but those feelings are not as strong, I think, as the ones you want to have, like the ones they have for each other. I look up, see that guy looking over here, see his eyes squint, and then I see that torso with the black t-shirt cover my view, look up, and see him sit next to me to my right. I smile at him, lean up, kiss his cheek, feel my eyes get big remembering where we are, see his eyebrow rise, shake his head, and grab the bag on the table, taking out the first sandwich. I smile. He didn't say anything about me kissing him in the cafeteria again. Maybe this can be a Monday thing.

I look over, see Riley sit next to my sister with his water bottle and I hear Hiro whisper something to Lauren. I look over and see her blushing like she does when ever he does that. I giggle, look up, bring the sandwich up to take a bite and then stop, seeing Cairo and Dewey walk in to the cafeteria. I guess they weren't kicked out of the program. I look down at my little sister, see her looking at me, and see her turn around. I hear her inhale and then hear Riley's inhale. I look over at Riley and feel my eyebrow rise seeing his hand come around and hug my sister's lower back. I hear some of the girls in a nearby table saying 'really' and a few other curse words and roll my eyes at their immaturity. I want to smirk and remind my sister about that Freeman jealous streak, but then I feel him shift to my right and I look over at him. I see him squint his eyes, focusing where Cairo and Dewey are. I feel his hand on my leg and want to remind him I only want to be with him, but he just won't listen. So stubborn. I put my sandwich down, grab his sandwich out of his hand, finish unwrapping it, and feel his hand as he grabs it out of my hand and see him take a bite, still looking in their direction. I grab my sandwich, take a bite, making sure to close my mouth, feel him squeeze my leg and I look up and see Cairo and Dewey looking over here. I see Cairo squint his eyes, purse his lips, and look away. Then I see a pretty blonde with a skirt that's a little too short walk up to Cairo, see him look down at her, smirk, and hear that confident voice to my left say, "Now she can be a sata with them." I look over, see Lauren looking at Cairo and Dewey and I start laughing. I hear my sister's sweet laugh mingled with Riley's and Ming's laugh right under Caesar's protecting her from boys that don't matter, and hear Hiro whispering something to Lauren I'm sure making her blush.

* * *

I say, "You know your class is in another building bestie. You don't have to walk me to my fourth every day." We already get to walk to third period together for our history class after lunch but then he wants to walk me after to fourth period and I know he's late for his class every time. I see him look down at me, see that small smirk, and I feel my cheeks getting warm, thinking after this morning he looks okay. He looks happy. Maybe what I said this morning in the conference room made him a little happy, I hope.

I see him look back up, see him inhale, and hear him say, "I'm here to make sure you don't get into more trouble." I feel my smirk and say, "You said that once a long time ago. I think the day after I slapped Ashley, reminding her you're my best friend." I see him look down at me again, see him exhale, and he says, "Is that what I am?" I look forward, see we're a few steps away from the corner he usually drops me off and I say, "Well, you're also my boyfriend and I think everyone knows that, but you usually drop me off here bestie." We turn the corner, where I can see the door to my class, and I see a really pretty black girl with long braids in a half pony tail I've never seen looking up at the number over the class. I see her turn and look at us and I feel his warmth grab my hand and stop me. I want to ask him what's wrong but before I can look over at him I see that girl look at us, see her squint her eyes in our direction, and see her look up at Huey. I turn to him, see his lips are pursed but luckily his temperature seems fine. That's a good thing. Must mean the reason we're standing here, not moving, is just mildly annoying to him. I say, "Bestie?" I see him look down at me, see that stubble on his chin I just noticed and feel myself focus on how beautiful he is. I see him open his mouth, close it, and purse those soft lips.

I say, "Whatever it is bestie, know that you'll always be my best friend okay?" I see him exhale and hear him say, "I'm more than that." I smile and say, "Yes, so pick me up after fifth so we can walk over to the gym and watch our friends tryout for the basketball team." I see him inhale, nod, feel him let go of my hand, see him turn, and I watch him walk away. I smile, turn back to my class, and see that girl's gone.

I walk up to my class, walk in and see that girl again, talking to our chemistry teacher. I walk into class, pass the board, get to the last row, second seat, where I can sit next to the window and have one side of me clear of students. I'm starting to agree with Huey on how some of these kids don't know what personal space is. Thankfully, I also get to have the seat in front of me empty because everyone likes sitting in the back to talk with each other. I exhale, putting my things down on my desk. I sit, start taking out my notebook and pencil, hear some of the kids whispering about the new students, and roll my eyes. Then I hear the teacher say, "Okay everyone as you all know there are some new students starting today and so we have some new additions to the class." I really need to get different color pens for my other classes. That could help in my thought process and maybe help me remember better. I pull out my eraser, knowing I always need it for this class, and hear the teacher say, "Please introduce yourselves." I hear a guy's voice say, "My name is Luis Mazzucato." I feel my eyes get big, look up, and see that guy looking directly at me. No. Not him. Then I hear a girl's voice say, "My name is Lena Jefferson." I look over to that girl, hoping she takes the seat in front of me rather than him because I really don't want him sitting that close to me for an entire hour. But then I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing that girl squint her eyes at me and purse her lips. I don't think I know her. Maybe she thinks I'm someone else because I'm sure I've never met her. I would remember someone that pretty. I hear the teacher say, "I think I'll have you Luis sit in front of Jazmine since I know she won't get distracted with a boy." I look back down at my notebook and feel my smirk knowing that's a compliment no matter how I see it. I hear a few girls groan. Really? I look back up, look at him again, and try to figure it out. I mean he's tall, curly hair, dark olive skin, dark eyes. I guess he's good looking but the boyfriend she has today is way better, sweeter, and has a way nicer smile. I hear a girl say, "She already got Huey." I roll my eyes, look back down at my notebook, and shake my head. I hear the teacher say, "I do not want gossip in my class. And." I start writing the date on the page, remembering he always tells me I forget to do that before I start taking notes. I hear the teacher continue, "Because she doesn't care about that stuff she has that sweet boy walk her here. So stop caring so much." I look up, feel my eyes get big, see the teacher smile at me, smile at her awkwardly I'm sure, and look down, feeling totally embarrassed. Why would she say that? Then I remember Huey had her last year for Social Science and he said she basically let him read his non-school-related books because he was so far advanced in her class. I smile, remembering I told him she probably thought he was really smart and sweet because instead of playing on his phone, like most kids do when they finish their work early, he would read. I remember him doing that thing with his lips and feeling guilty about wanting to kiss him. Now I get to do that. I hear the teacher say, "Lena, please sit in the middle row and you can ask the people around you for last week's notes."

I hear a chair move, exhale, look back up at the board and start writing the agenda. I hear him say, "Hi, I'm Luis." I inhale, remembering what mom always says, look up, and say, "Hi, I'm Jazmine. If you need notes from last week I can let you take pictures of my notebook." I give him a small smile, turn back to the board and continue copying the agenda. I hear him say, "Jazmine, can I ask you about," but I cut him off with, "Luis." I look back at him, remember her red eyes from this morning, how long they were together, started dating in middle school and then high school, the fact that he could have broken up with her if he didn't want to wait, at least being honest with her, what he did while she was in the hospital, and, even though I'm assuming this, thinks that just by moving here he can make up with her. I inhale and say, "She is my friend. If you say one thing about her I promise you will leave this class with a bruise on your face." I see that smile disappear, see him squint his eyes at me, seeing the nice side disappear, knowing this is who this guy really is, just like that creepy guy Zack that tries to hide behind a smile but gives me this 'harassy' kind of feeling. I see him exhale and he says, "I moved here to get her back and it's happening." I remember her leaning into my little sister for comfort and then being handed over to lean on Caesar because she never wanted to see this guy again and here he was, in her homeroom. I also remember how much she sounds like my little sister and how much fun they have together. She reminds me of my little sister. I say, "Say one more thing about her and I will slap you with this notebook so hard I will get suspended." I inhale, seeing Ming's dark eyes dry during lunch from having cried in the morning.

I see him open his mouth and I let go of my pencil, ready to grab my notebook, then I hear my teacher say, "Jazmine is everything okay?" I exhale, look over at my teacher, and say, "Yes Ms. Hoffman. I was just telling Luis he can take pictures of my notebook for last week's notes and ask me questions about the class, nothing else." I see her smirk at me and she says, "You tell that boyfriend of yours to visit me once in a while to tell me about any new books he's reading." I smile and say, "Yes Ms. Hoffman."

* * *

Last class and then, tryouts for, everyone. I laugh thinking most of my friends are in the basketball team or are going to be. And they're all my friends because of my little sister. I love her so much. I feel my lips twist thinking about last period. I can handle that guy, but that girl. I get this weird vibe off of her, like she doesn't like me. But I've never even met her. I exhale. I'm probably just imagining it.

I walk into my American Cultures class and sit at my desk, same place in class so can I look out the window. Why am I so tired today? Oh yeah. It's been a long day. I get to spend time with my friends and family after this though. I'm so lucky I have them. I wonder if any of those kids that relocated here had to move away from family and friends. Probably. I look down at my 'Jazzy' backpack and know I should be nice to them, to make them feel welcomed. I roll my eyes, even if it's Cairo and Dewey. I told them, as long as they leave us alone I'll be fine with them. I honestly don't want to see them at all. They don't creep me out, I think because they have a history with the guys, but still. I inhale. If I don't want to see them why am I hearing Cairo's voice right now?

I hear, "Yeah, I'm new." No. I look up to see Ms. Reed talking to Cairo. No. No. No. I see the teacher look at me, smile, look back at Cairo, and hear her say, "I think you can sit in front of Jazmine because she doesn't get distracted with boys." I close my eyes and look down. Why do teachers keep saying that? Oh yeah. Because my boyfriend's Huey and he's really, really, really cute. I open my eyes, see jeans, exhale, look up, see him, and hear him say, "So you don't get distracted with guys huh?" I roll my eyes, turn back to my backpack, unzip it, and start pulling out my notebook and pen. I hear the seat in front of me move and luckily he doesn't say anything after that.

After class ends I start putting my things inside my backpack and smile, knowing we get to go see tryouts now. Then I hear, "Jazzy." I exhale, look up, see him looking at me, and hear him say, "What?" I inhale and say, "Can you call me Jazmine? That's sort of a name only my friends use." I see him look down, almost looking hurt, which confuses me, see him look up at me and he says, "A'ight. Jazmine then. I know I been pretty fucked up for a minute so maybe one day we can be cool but." I see him stop, exhale, and he says, "Can I take pictures of your notes from last week?" I feel my eyebrows rise, open my mouth, close it, and see him laugh, like that time in Aunt Cookie's backyard. This boy is so confusing. After he stops laughing he says, "You are fucken cute." I feel my eyebrows lower and I say, "Do you want the notes or not?" I see him smirk, nod, and I see him take out his phone. I give him my notebook, let him take pictures of last week's notes, gives me back my notebook, and then he says, "Hey, I'ma just tell you one thing." I look back at him and he says, "I don't think I'll ever be cool with your man, but you a'ight and." I see him look at the door, feel my eyebrow rise, and hear him say, "I know you always with him or your girls, but just don't be alone. There's this guy that be following 'round." I feel my eyes open, see him look back at me, and he says, "Don't know who he is. Just seen him twice today, looking at you. Long hair, dark." I inhale and say, "Zack." I see him stand and hear him say, "Don't know. Just try to not be alone."

I look down at my notebook, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden and hear him say, "You walking out alone?" I look up at him, shake my head, and say, "No, Huey is coming to get me in a little." I see him nod, see him give me a look, and I say, "Thank you for telling me." I see him still looking at me, know that look, and I say, "Cairo, we're classmates and I will be nice and help you. And I appreciate what you just told me, warning me, I really do, but I'm with Huey." I see him inhale, purse his lips, and he says, "A'ight." I still don't trust him, and luckily Ms. Reed stays in class, grading papers and preparing for the next day for an hour every day, so I feel safe right now. And really I don't think I will ever trust being alone with Cairo after he grabbed me twice, tried to in Aunt Cookie's house, and then what he said at the park. I inhale remembering what he said there. I see him exhale, see him open his mouth and he says, "'Bout Chi-Town. A lot of fucked up shit went down and." I see him stop, look away, exhale, look back at me, see him give me that look again, and he says, "I wasn't a'ight for a while." I purse my lips, nod, and say, "Thank you." I know that's the closest thing he can probably get to saying he hasn't been mentally okay for a while and that's why he did all those things back in Chicago. I see him exhale, keep giving me that look, and I say, "Cairo." I see him smile, look away, and he says, "I know." I hear a whistle, look back at the door and see short dreadlocks leaning on the door frame. I look back at Cairo, see him exhale, and hear him say, "See you 'morrow Jazmine." I see him grab his backpack, walk to the door, and walk out. That was weird.

I grab my backpack and decide to take out my math notebook to review today's notes and then feel that warmth. I look up, see those burgundy eyes, see those pursed lips, and he says, "What was he doing here?" I smile at him and say, "I'll tell you on way to the gym bestie." I hear him exhale, smell his soap, and know I don't think I'll ever like men's colognes like the ones some of the guys at school and Cairo use because I'll always compare them to Irish Spring soap. I grab my backpack, get up, start walking to the door, tell Ms. Reed I'll see her tomorrow, and then hear her say, "Thank you for being nice to Cairo, Jazmine. I know a lot of kids aren't being very friendly to the new kids so it's nice that you did that." I smile, nod, grab his hand behind me, knowing I'll need to know his temperature while we have this conversation, pull on that hand, feel it move with me, and start walking to the gym.

* * *

I feel my temperature starting to drop even if she knows to not trust him and I say, "I'm not leaving you alone." I feel her squeeze my hand and I inhale. I wasn't planning on leaving her alone but now with that asshole being in her class and that fucken lunatic I'm sure needs to be institutionalized following her I need to find a way to make sure she's not alone when we're in what people think is a safe school for an entire seven hours and twenty-five minutes. I hear that voice say, "Huey." I exhale and hear her continue, "Stop worrying, please." I look up, see the double doors to the gym, and hear the dribbling. I'm sure I can get to most of her classes and make it to all of mine on time. But I can always ask if I can be five minutes late considering I'm the highest ranking student in most of my classes. I hear that voice say, "Stop it Huey." I feel her stop, look back at her, and she says, "As long we keep being best friends first things will be okay. You know, with me always telling you when they try to talk to me and you telling me things when they happen to you, we will figure things out. I mean you know I trust you and you trust me a little more today and that's enough." I look at those braids in that square shape on her right side. She's right handed. It's easier, or at least less difficult, for her to braid that side but I also sit on her right side in most places and having them there means I get to see them. I inhale, realizing she could be braiding them on that side because it's easier than doing them on her left side or possibly so I can see them. I also realize, I haven't told her. I say, "After this, we have to talk." I see her smile at me, nod, feel her let go of my hand, watch her pass me, and take the first step onto those bleachers. I inhale and follow her up, seeing my two friends already up there.

* * *

I hear her say, "What did you wanna talk about bestie?" I open my eyes, look up at the sky, knowing they are nothing more than gases or dead planets, things that use to be alive and no longer are, but people admire them because they're told to do so, just like the lambs people can be. But, I exhale and remember those dead planets remind me of Aunt Cookie's backyard. I inhale, close my eyes, and say, "I went on two dates with that girl, last year." I feel her inhale, feel her hands stop drawing, and I inhale again, knowing the need for air, repeating the word 'honesty' over and over in my head because even I am susceptible to feeling inadequate about telling my girlfriend about a girl I dated, regardless of her asking me out on that date and only taking her to a second date because, I realize, I was trying to not think about the color of her lips that night. That dark pink. I swallow. I do not feel guilty, but rather childish for not seeing the truth until now. I feel her drawing again and I exhale.

I hear that voice say, "Did you two do." I hear her stop, feel my smirk, and I say, "No." I feel her move back into me and I shake my head, feeling my smirk getting bigger. I hear her say, "She really doesn't like me." I feel my eyebrows rise and I say, "Why do you say that?" I exhale, accepting the fact that, on this hill or alone with her is when I speak this much about anything that does not have to do with the black community, education, politics, or the fact that my people suffer every day from lack of a more egalitarian society. I feel her scratching the insides of my hands, feeling those small nails, and hear her say, "She kind of kept giving me this look when I tried smiling at her. I actually wanted her to sit in front of me so I wouldn't have to sit behind that guy, until she gave me this look like she just didn't like me." I exhale, not remembering her being that way, but I don't know how jealousy, if that's what it is, can change a person's disposition. She's never made me feel that. I inhale, squeezing her, knowing she's not the kind of person to make me feel jealous for selfish reasons. But, I do know what it's like to feel someone trying to hurt her or wanting to take her just because of how she looks. I feel it, the dropping, and know unless she wants it, of her own accord, I won't let any of those fucken idiots touch her. I hear her say, "Bestie, stop whatever it is you're thinking because your temperature's dropping." I nod, exhale, and try to relax. I hear her say, "Thank you." I remember we are alone and as far as I know, unless Shabazz is released tomorrow, clear of all charges, there is no god, just us humans, some trying to grasp that idea without falling into dejection and others trying to make their higher power some kind of humanoid deity, part beast, part white Jesus. I'm sure I know which group I fall into. And so, we are alone, so I let myself put my face in her hair and inhale those particles.

I hear that giggle and hear her say, "Do you like how my shampoo smells?" I inhale again, giving her my answer, and hear her say, "I like how your soap smells." I stop, open my eyes, feel my eyebrow rise, put my chin back on that shoulder, and say, "Jazmine?" I hear that laugh and hear her say, "I actually have always liked it. Irish Spring. You use it every night, so I think it's kind of part of your biology now. And really I think it's made it so I don't like men's cologne." I close my eyes to that voice, shake my head, and hear her say, "Really bestie. When guys at school pass by and I can smell their cologne, it kind of grosses me out a little, like it's just too much. I mean why can't they just smell clean, like you?" I open my eyes, look at the peripheral of that face, see that small nose, those lips, and hear myself say, "The color your lips." I close my eyes and inhale. Shit. Too much. I drop my hands, move back, and say, "We should go. It's late."

I see her sit up, get on her knees, but instead of standing, I see her turn her body to face me. I see the moon shining through that thick hair I was smelling right now and hear her say, "Why do you think I don't wear lipstick?" I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "Jazmine, we should go." I hear her say, "No bestie. You only wanna leave because you said something that embarrassed you but made me feel really pretty." You are not just pretty. I exhale and say, "Jazmine." I see that body scoot up, and hear her whisper, "You just told me about some girl you dated last year, how much you like the smell of my shampoo, and I told you how much I like the smell of your soap, and then you told me you either like or at least notice the color of my lips, so now I wanna kiss you." I inhale, feeling those hands on my shoulders, close my eyes feeling her kneading them, feel that nose brush up against my own, so I put my hands on those hips and squeeze. After three seconds of smelling that strawberry Chapstick or whatever it is she uses, I feel those lips press down on my own, and remember how much I really do like that dark pink and the fact that it really isn't that late.

* * *

Hi people!

It be cool if you comment/review on each one BUT if you MUST read the next chapter before you comment, please continue.

And you are not obligated to comment, but I always ask cuz they do make me happy.

-Bulma's Ego.


	26. First week of Program and What?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

CHAPTER 26:

I hear him say, "When we stepping in?" I look over at my brother, feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and look back down the hallway. I hear Hiro say, "We don't." I look over at Hiro leaning on the lockers looking down the opposite end of the hallway. I hear a body, I'm sure, hit one of the stalls. I look back at my brother, see his eyebrow rise, and hear him say, "Why you stop ma ass then?" I exhale and before I can answer the dumbass question I hear Hiro say, "Cuz your ass would've fucken killed him Riley." I see my brother look back at Hiro, see his smirk, look away, and he says, "Ain't like he didn't fucken deserve it. Asshole thinks he can fucken hit on anyone even now." I feel my eyebrow rise, noticing his vocabulary continues to expand being in this school with her younger sister. I hear the inhale from across the hallway, look back at him, and Hiro says, "Fucker be looking at the girls too much man. I'ma have to look for his ass to one of these days."

I hear footsteps, look over, and see two students. I inhale, seeing those two, and hear one of them say, "Yeah man, I can still fucken look. I don't fucken care what that afro-motherfucker did last year." They decided to stay at this school. Fucken idiots. I exhale, close my eyes, trying to relax, before I do something that will get my friend, who's in the restroom right now taking care of business, caught. I know he wouldn't care but his uncle might. I inhale, remembering he would not wait until after school ended today, not having done this yesterday because he wanted to be at their tryouts. And now, here we are. Shit. I hear the other one say, "Yeah man. But I still like my white girls, like that sister of hers that act like she black with that nice ass." I open my eyes, look over at my brother, see him inhale, take a step up, and I step up, and push him back. I see him look back at me and he says, "Get off ma ass Huey. I'ma fucken kill him." I exhale and say, "Riley, you start anything, and they find Caesar his ass will get suspended, possibly expelled. Let Hiro handle it." I see him look at me, thinking, look away, and exhale. I hear Hiro saying, "You two fucken lucky I'm here and these two aren't beating the shit outta you. Get moving and if you say you saw us here, we will fucken find your asses." I hear a few inhales, here some mumbling, and then steps moving away.

I close my eyes, remembering what we are here to do and what he is here to do. Then, I hear a bang followed by a thud, and hear the door open. Took fifteen minutes. We only had to wait five minutes for that moron to leave his class after he followed Ming out when she asked to go to the front office. We didn't necessary plan it, it just so happened that she told me last night, after making those lips red, that Ming was going to talk to Ms. Lola this morning to see if she could alleviate the situation, possibly moving her out of that homeroom. I also happen to tell Caesar this morning, knowing he would probably follow her out and Caesar would want to make sure he didn't bother her. I admit, I gave him the opening. But, he planned this and told us he didn't want us walking in no matter what we heard, just to make sure no one else walked in. After they walked in, with the moron smiling thinking he could handle Caesar and anyone of us, it was quiet in there for one entire minute before I heard the first hit, from the sound of it, directly to his chest. Then, it was eight to nine minutes of Caesar 'talking' to him about staying away from his girlfriend. I look back, see Caesar walking out, drying his hands with some paper, see him smirk at me and he says, "Thanks man." For the information and for the cover. I nod, turn, and start walking to homeroom where I get to see her fidget with her necklace going over her math notes before our precalculus class during first period.

* * *

I hear my sister say, "For real Ming! Shit. Come be in ma homeroom!" I laugh hearing her, see Ming put her arm around my little sister's shoulders, see her turn to me, smile, and she says, "Thanks for telling me to tell her Jazzy. And all of you. She said I can move to any homeroom I want." I ask, "So you only had to see him for a few minutes and then went there and just stayed with Ms. Lola?" I see her nod, move her long black hair with those multi-layers that took me almost an hour to cut behind her ear, and she says, "Yeah. After I told her what happened and how he was in my homeroom she told me to just stay there and help organize the office. Even made me tea." I see her smile and can't help but be happy she's feeling better. I realize, hearing my little sister, Ming, and Lauren start talking about how tryouts went and how much fun they'll be having this year, Ming has a hard exterior but she's just as cuddly inside like Caesar. I smile thinking about him and how happy he looks now. I look over at the table, seeing that afro first of course and how soft it looks from here, see him take a bite out of his apple, and feel my cheeks getting warm thinking about those lips. Then, I see a girl with long dark brown hair walk up to our table and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her touch Caesar's shoulder. I say, "Ming," and see her turn to the table just I see Caesar get up, get this look of disgust on his face and step away from her, almost like she's, and I'm going to use a word I heard Huey say once, 'diseased'. I see Ming start walking up to the table, followed by my sister, and I follow them with Lauren right next to me.

As we get close to the table I hear, "The fuck you doing here?" I feel my eyes get big. Caesar does not talk to girls like that. I hear that girl say, "Baby, didn't you miss me?" I look over at the guys to ask who she is and see all of their eyes open, including Huey's. I get this bad feeling. Huey does not ever look that surprised. I shake my head, knowing I have to stay positive. I see Ming step in front of Caesar and feel my smirk hearing her say, "Who the fuck are you?" We all stop and look at this girl. She's pretty. Long brown hair but not as rich black, thick or bouncy as Ming's, with a light olive complexion, and small eyes. I know Ming is my friend and I'm going to feel like this no matter what, but Ming is just so naturally pretty, and she meant it when she told Ashley that she likes how much makeup she uses and how she dresses. And this girl, although is pretty, seems like she's trying to be pretty with the jewelry that could get caught in her hair and the skirt that has to be shorter than anything I've ever seen on Ashley. And, I'm sure I saw most of the new students already, but I don't remember seeing her. I wonder who she is and how she knows Caesar. I see her squint her eyes, bring her chin up, and she says, "I'm Caesar's girl. Who the fuck are you?" I feel my mouth open, look back at Ming, see her inhale, and she says, "The fuck you are. Caesar's my man and I don't care who the fuck you think you are. Step back before I beat the shit outta you." I feel myself exhale, happy she doesn't believe this girl because I just cannot see Caesar doing that. I smirk seeing Caesar pull Ming in, hugging her waist, and hear him say, "You know what, I don't fucken care why you're here Chantel. Just leave."

I look back, feel my mouth open the biggest I'm sure it ever has, remember him crying while my sister and I hugged him, saying her name a few times, and then hear my sister's snicker, and hear her say, "So you the Chi-Town bicycle?" I can't help but snicker with her and hear Riley and Hiro doing the same.

I see that girl look at my sister, feel my eyes squint seeing her look down at her, and she says, "I ain't talking to your ass white girl." I see my sister move up and I go in and grab her waist and then see an arm around her upper back and hear Lauren say, "Cin. No. The team. Remember." I hear her say, "Sis, Lauren, let ma ass go. I'ma fuck up that hoe thinking she know anything about ma white ass. She 'on't fucken know me." I pull back, feeling how strong my little sister really is, and then see that hand on her back move away and be replaced with a bigger one, mocha colored, with a few scars from all those fights he got into with his older brother when he was younger, and hear him say, "Let go Jazzy. I'ma take her." I exhale, let go, move back, see Riley bend down in front of her, stand up, with my little sister slung over his shoulder again, hear her continue cursing at that girl, and see Riley turn, and start walking around me, I'm sure to the far end of the cafeteria. I hear a few exhales, look back at that girl, and see her still looking at Caesar. I want to tell her if she ever talks to my little sister like that again I will slap her and drag her by her hair across the cafeteria and out of the school but I think Ming deserves first dibs on her.

I see her roll her eyes and hear her say, "So what? We take a break and then you start seeing some fucken China?" I see Ming move up, see her take a swing, and see Caesar pull her in again. I look back at that girl, see her eyes are open, and I feel my smirk seeing she's moved back a step. I hear Caesar trying to calm Ming and know none of them can get in trouble or they'll get kicked off the team. But I can.

I say, "Leave. Now." I see her turn, look at me, feel my eyes squint as she looks me up, and she says, "And who are you mama?" I feel my eyebrow rise, close my mouth, swallow, and hear a voice say, "She's with me so don't be looking." I look over at Huey and see him looking at that girl. I hear that girl say, "'Course she belongs to your ass." I keep my mouth closed, not sure what's happening. Then I hear her say, "Whatever's. You still got my number Caesar." I hear him say, "I deleted all your shit last time I saw your ass and you ain't got my number no more. Don't look for me." I look back at that girl, see her squint her eyes at him, inhale, flip her hair, turn, and start walking away. I hear that voice say, "Jazmine." I look up at those reds, swallow, nod, walk around the table, sit down, slid in next to him, and exhale, feeling him get closer. I don't think I've ever had a girl do that. I mean I'm pretty open minded about people being bi or gay and I meant it when I told my sister that she could date anyone she wants but it still felt weird to have a girl so blatantly check me out. I feel that hand on my leg and I breathe. Please God, Santa, or whoever is listening, let this week go fast so we can have our Sunday of just hanging out and cuddling.

* * *

I feel her head moving with the music and I smile. I ask, "Who is this sissy?" I hear her say, "Galimatias. Song called South." I hear the 'ding', turn the volume off, and look down at my phone.

_Ming: Do we really gotta go?_

_Sissy: Don't know. Don't wanna. _

_Lauren: I really don't wanna go either. Can't we just tell Miranda we're busy? _

_Ming: Cin?_

I hear the exhale next to my shoulder.

_Sissy: You'll know I'm not talking to her. We cool during practice, but that's it._

I exhale, knowing my sister is not happy with how things are going with her team.

_Lauren: You have a boyfriend. She really needs to get over it._

I hear her sweet laugh.

_Ming: Right. The fuck. Ain't like you gave her ass signs. _

I hear that exhale and I say, "Sissy, you didn't. She asked you out months ago and you said you weren't interested. You didn't lead her on." I feel her head lower more on my shoulder, leaning on my body and getting more comfortable on her bed, so I turn and kiss the top of her head. Then, I look back at my phone.

_Sissy: Yeah you all right. She just been acting weird after practice. I know she looks, and I don't tell her ass nothing. I just try to keep it cool, cuz we have to stay cool. _

_Lauren: I mean, if we have to go because it's a "sports teams" thing then I guess. I mean at least they moved it to her house and not that sata's. _

I laugh and hear my little sister's sweet laugh.

_Ming: LOL. Love your ass Lauren. _

_Lauren: Best friends ever._

I hear that exhale, knowing she's happy with our little group.

_Me: I mean if you all have to go, I guess I can go. _

_Ming:…_

_Lauren:…_

_Sissy:…_

I laugh.

_Me: Okay._

_Ming: forreaaksdjflakdsj._

_Lauren: ohmgyddkjflkds._

I feel her move, see that arm come around and hug me. I laugh and say, "Okay, okay. Let's figure this out." I feel her move away, kiss the side of my head, let go, and then feel her head on my shoulder again.

_Sissy: Cool. So can we take sweats?_

I laugh.

_Ming: LOL. Yes!_

_Lauren: LOL. Please._

_Me: I'm sure the guys would love to be there to see that. _

_Ming:…_

_Lauren:…_

_Sissy:…_

I look over at my sister, see her smile up at me, and look back down at her phone.

_Sissy: The guys coming._

I close my mouth. Huey is not going to be happy.

* * *

I ask, "Why?" I see her smile up at me and she says, "Because all of them have to go since it's a sports team thing and they moved it over to Miranda's house and." I see her smile even bigger and she says, "It's my sister and my friends." I exhale. She seems happy. I see those lips move again and she says, "And then we'll have all of Sunday to be with each other." I inhale and say, "You really want me to go to some party filled with drunk teenagers that are going to be groping each other, bumping into me, and not kill someone?" I see those lips purse and she says, "Well, you could always bring your SAT book." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her laugh, see her turn to my locker, move some of my books to find room for that brown bag, and hear her say, "If you did go I would want you to be okay there and I know you need to focus on something, like your SAT book, so you could bring it. I don't care what other people would say about you reading there. You're Huey and if they're judging you they don't matter."

I inhale and remember that room that's on our way to homeroom, not having thought about it since the last time she was absent, feel my eyebrow rise, and I realize has been almost none at all since last year. Other than that day she was suspended when she defended herself and two others to spend time with her mother and sister, she did not miss one day of school last semester and has not missed one since this semester started. There's a change there I did not see until now. I exhale, seeing her move my journal with less force than my schoolbooks, like it holds value to her. I inhale, realizing, I have known, for the most part, where she is at all times, always. The only part of her life I was not privy to was her home life. I exhale, knowing I will not push her to tell me more than what she's ready to tell me like she has done for me. I see her push the bag in and feel my smirk seeing her scrunch her nose at my history book with names and dates she has trouble remembering but I do not. Where I can remember those things with little effort she can create, manufacture thoughts, feelings, ideas with her presence. And I do not know exactly why and how this is and did not readily accept for a long time because there are too many external factors that could affect it but being close to her helps that feeling I try to live with as little as I can with, subside. She creates feelings, thoughts, ideas and helps make some go away with her just being close. And she wants to go to that party to be with her friends and sister. And she wants me to be there.

I answer, "Yes." I see her stop moving my books, look back at me, see her eyes open, see her jump up, and feel her put her arms around my neck. I say, "Jazmine, public." I hear her say, "I'm sorry, I'm just happy you're coming." I feel her arms moving down and I look up and see him. I feel my eyebrows lower, see him looking at her, and I bring my arms around her lower back, reminding him. I see him look up at me, know he's been better with her since she saved his sorry ass from being sent back, and know that look he was giving her, the one of looking at something we don't deserve but want it anyways. I squeeze her and hear her say, "Bestie?" I feel her move and I look down, see that morning color, remember what she said in the conference room, how she possibly led to him having this opportunity, knowing where he comes from and the fact that he was headed to become another number, like that inmate we met in prison during that 'scared stiff' program who said he'd do anything in the world for things to be different. I inhale, remembering my temperature dropping that day knowing regardless of our past he was a brother, another one headed down that path. She possibly saved him from that fate, knowing the principal took her advice and more than likely did not report what happened to the program. She has no idea that people listen when she speaks. Jazmine. I see that smile and I say, "I want to show you something." I see that fine eyebrow rise and she says, "Okay."

Once we're in the room, I turn, lock the door, turn back to her, and see her looking at me. I see that smile and she says, "How do you know about this room?" I drop my backpack, walk up to her, see her look up at me, and I say, "Found it when you were sick last year and didn't come to school for a week and use it sometimes when you're absent." I see her inhale, see her eyes open, and I say, "What's wrong?" I see her swallow and look away. I grab her chin, knowing we're alone, make her look at me, and repeat myself. I see her exhale and she says, "I said I would tell you when things come up and." She stops, licks those lips, and she says, "I wasn't sick that week, but my mom was." I feel my eyebrow rise. I see her exhale longer and she says, "They had gotten in a fight and he left. I wanted to stay home to take care of her because she was sick, you know, sick." I inhale and know she means Tom got rough and Sarah must have been in pain. I feel her grab my hand and hold it, helping. I hear that voice continue, "My mom didn't know where he was, and she was scared he would come back and be so mad he would." I see her stop, exhale, and she says, "Hurt me." I feel it, the drop in my temperature, feel her arms going up and around my torso, feel her head on my chest, and hear her say, "I'm okay bestie. We all are. Thank you for always being there, across the street, ready for me to come get you." I close my eyes, trying to relax, feel those small nails on my back, and I exhale. I hear her say, "But." I open my eyes, seeing the brooms around the old couch that used to be in the teachers' kitchen, remembering some of them allowed me to go in there at times to escape the idiot kids at lunch when she was absent before I found this room. I inhale, wondering how many more of those absences had to do with Tom and how the day I see him again I will make him tell me after making him feel that pain Sarah must have been in that day and that fear she lived with thinking about her mother. I hear that voice say, "Since you did bring me here and we are alone, can I thank you in another way?" I look down, see those two braids connected at the back of her head with that pink clip, and I say, "You never have to Jazmine." I feel her move away from me, see her look up at me with those jades even in this dark room with a light bulb in the corner, and she says, "But I want to and." I see that smile and she says, "I also saw that couch and want to kiss you until we have to go to first." I feel my smirk, even after those thoughts I had ten seconds ago, knowing she does not know she can create thoughts, ideas, feelings, see that smile, and follow her to that couch, looking forward to missing homeroom.

* * *

If she looks at me one more time, I am going to. Ugh. Why? You know what. It doesn't matter. He's my best friend and my boyfriend and if she doesn't want to let it go and wants to keep looking at me like I'm her enemy then fine. I exhale, lift my hand, hear Ms. Hoffman call my name, and I give the answer. I see her smile and say it's correct. Then I hear Ms. Hoffman call someone else, and hear that girl's voice say, "I don't think that was the right answer." I look over at her and remember what Huey says about people that don't like him because he's too 'outspoken'. They don't matter. I look back at my notebook and hear Ms. Hoffman side with me on the answer and then hear that girl huff and puff. I can't help but roll my eyes at how childish she's being. No wonder he only saw her twice. I smile remembering what he told me this morning when we were cuddling before first and I had started complaining about having to deal with this class and that girl and the guy that sits in front of me.

_I say, "I really don't want to go today." I hear him inhale, feeling his chest move up with it and I put my face deeper in his neck, smelling that soap. I hear that voice that I just noticed gets deeper after we kiss say, "Why?" I exhale and say, "Because I don't like people looking at me like I stole a guy they went out with twice." I feel that hand squeeze me thigh and hear him say, "I was honest with her when she asked." I close my eyes hearing that voice and ask, "Ask you what bestie?" I feel him lower himself on the couch, smile feeling him get more comfortable, and hear him say, "When she asked me out on that date." I open my eyes, put my hands on that hard chest and push up. I look at those glossed maroons and wonder if we can do this at least once a week. Focus Jazmine. I say, "She asked you out on a date?" I see that beautiful eyebrow I haven't kissed in too long rise and he says, "Yes." I feel my smile and he says, "Why is that important Jazmine?" I look at those lips, remember I can kiss them whenever I want, lower myself, and kiss them, feeling him squeeze my thigh and my lower back with those warm hands. I pull back, see those maroons and say, "Because you asked me out on a date." I see that eyebrow rise again and he says, "Does that matter?" I feel my smirk and I say, "Of course it does. It means you didn't really want to go on a date with her. Remember, you do things, take action, when you want to. You didn't with her. She had to ask you out." I see that smirk and I say, "I can't believe she asked you out on two dates." I see that smirk leave, feel him shift, sit up, pulling me up with him, and then hear him say, "We should go." I push him down, knowing, and say, "Nope. We leave when the bell rings, so people don't see us walking around empty hallways and you're gonna tell me why you got so uncomfortable right now." I see him look away and close his mouth. I say, "Bestie?" _

_I count those seven seconds, see that he hasn't opened his mouth, and I say, "You know what." I inhale and continue, "It's okay. I shouldn't be asking. I probably don't wanna know anyways and you already told me nothing happened between you two, so it doesn't matter. I trust you." I see him look back at me and I smile at him, hoping he knows I do trust him. I see him look down at my lips I think and I can't help but lick them. I remember, we're here to cuddle, not talk about other people so I say, "I'm sorry I brought her up. Can we kiss some more?" I see him continue looking down at my lips and after a few seconds I start feeling self-conscious. I say, "If you want we can leave bes," but he cuts me off with, "She called me after the first one. I knew she was interested. I was thinking about that color and knew if I wasn't distracted that night I would climb up the side of your house to get to your window. I would be in your room in twelve seconds." I feel that squeeze on my thigh, feel his lips on mine, close my eyes, and put my hands on those cheeks, knowing he just told me he only asked a girl on a date because he wanted to kiss me that night. I open my mouth, taste his tongue, hear that groan, and forget what we were talking about. _

I hear, "Hey, girl." I blink and see that guy looking at me. I look back down at my notebook, remember what I was writing before I started daydreaming and I say, "Yes Luis? Because I at least call people by their name, even if I don't like them." I hear him huff and I roll my eyes, then hear him say, "Whatever. I need to you to tell Ming," but I cut him off with, "I said no Luis! Do not make me slap you!" I see him squint his eyes, knowing those bruises came from my friend, and he still won't let Ming go. I stand, not caring the entire class heard me yell at him, walk up to Ms. Hoffman's desk and I say, "Ms. Hoffman, can I go to the restroom please?" I see her smirk at me, and she says, "Of course. Get away for a minute." I exhale, smile at her, and walk out to the restroom.

I look up after washing my face, knowing when I get angry my face also gets a little red. I want to text my sister, but I know she's in class and I don't want her looking at her phone because she always does that when I text her even if it gets her in trouble. I exhale, looking at my reflection, and smile seeing my grandma's eyes. Then I hear a creaking noise in one of the stalls. I look up to my left in the mirror, feel my eyebrow rise seeing the top of a head with black hair in one of the stalls, and get this shiver. I hear the door open, jump a bit, happy for that training, look up to my right in the mirror, hoping it's one of my friends, and then I feel like groaning seeing her.

I see her walk up to the mirror, so I turn, and start walking towards the door, then I hear her say, "So what, you steal guys and you're just okay with that?" I stop, close my eyes, and remember she doesn't matter, open my eyes, take another step, and then hear her say, "When you two start dating?" I exhale, take another step, grab the doorknob, and hear her say, "So you just gonna walk away cuz you think you're better than me cuz you're white?" I close my eyes, knowing she doesn't know me, turn the knob and walk out. I turn, start walking back to my class, hear the door open, knowing she's following me, and continue walking, knowing I do not want to get in an argument. I hear her walking next to me and hear her say, "So what? You think he wants you more just cuz of that?" I inhale, knowing I am not answering such dumb questions. I hear her inhale I'm sure getting frustrated.

Then I stop, seeing her run up and block my way. I look at her, that dark skin, feeling a little jealous that I get so red when I'm in the sun for too long, those dark eyes, almost black, that match so well with her skin, and she says, "You think you're better than me white girl?"

I feel my eyes squint, side step, and see her step in front of me. Why do people do this? I look at her, exhale, and say, "What do you want? You don't talk to me in class and when you look at me it looks like you hate me when you know nothing about me." I see her inhale, put her hands on her hips, and she says, "I don't have to talk to you about anything. And I don't like you. You stole him from me." I feel my eyebrows rise and I say, "I didn't steal anything from you, and I am not going to defend myself. Think what you want." I see her inhale and she says, "I will kick your ass if you don't answer me." I feel my smirk and say, "Try it. I promise you I am not someone to mess with, specially by someone that acts like a little girl, throwing tantrums in class, following me to the restroom, moving to a school for a guy, and then assuming you know anything about him when you haven't seen him since last year." I see her eyes get big, and I say, "I know you two went on two dates last year. Last year. Get over it. He's my boyfriend and I will defend my relationship with him. And I don't care if you think I'm white, half, or part when you can definitely see at least by my hair that I am part black, but you know nothing about me, so back off." I see her look up at my hair, see her look back down at me, and she says, "You're not black." I roll my eyes and say, "I don't care what you think. Let me pass, now." I see her inhale and she says, "Make me."

I feel my eyebrows lower and I say, "I am not getting in a fight at school with a girl that is trying to use the fact that she's black to make me feel less than." I see her eyebrow rise and hear her say, "What?" I exhale and say, "You're only talking about me being white because you think I don't deserve him because I'm not completely black but if you knew anything about him you would know none of that matters. It never has to him. He doesn't care that you're black and I'm whatever I am. So, do not make this about that. If you want to fight me for him, fine, but know I do not pull hair or scratch, I swing, hard, and I will leave bruises. And for Huey I will do more. So if you want that let me know and I will meet you after school anywhere you want but remember I will fight you head on and I will not hold back because I don't care what you are and how you're trying to use the fact that you're black to make me feel like I'm not enough for him. I am Huey's girlfriend and I am not to be messed with." I. Mean. Every. Single. Word.

I see her inhale, exhale, and I stare back. Then she says, "Fine. Just tell me when you started dating." I feel my eyebrows lower and say, "No." I see her inhale and she says, "Why not?" I say, "Because my relationship with Huey stays between Huey and me. If you want to know anything about us ask around but I am not telling you anything after how you've been with me." I see her exhale, see her look away, and hear her say, "I know you two were seeing each other last year when we went on those dates, so you stole him." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and see how small she really is, kind of skinny, and know I could possibly hurt her with my training, and I don't want to do that. I exhale and say, "We started dating this year." I see her look back at me, see her squint her eyes, and she says, "Liar. I saw you hugging him. I came here last year in the morning, saw you hugging him, and after you left he said he didn't wanna see me again. You were seeing him so don't you lie to me." I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "He's been my best friend since we were kids. I have never stopped hugging him. I don't know when you two went on those dates and I know, if you did come in the morning, you probably saw me hugging him because I always did, and my best friend let me hug him every single morning."

I see her inhale, see her look away again, and hear her say, "So he was still letting you hug him when we went on those dates?" I exhale, realizing he's never stopped letting me hug him. Maybe, he really was going on dates, talking to other girls, and never told me. I knew this already from hearing the guys talking that day at Aunt Cookie's house, but it feels different meeting one of those girls he actually went on a date with. Kind of feels real now. Like he's not just Huey, my best friend and boyfriend, he's Huey Freeman that other girls find really attractive and want to be with. I can't help feeling happy though, knowing I don't know everything about him. I didn't know about this part of his life and how much I still get to learn about him. And, he never stopped letting me hug him even when he was talking to other girls, like either he was always looking for something outside of me, possibly thinking we would never be together because of that family but never really being able to let me go, or he just liked those hugs. I see this girl, really pretty, with that skin tone I still get jealous about sometimes, those braids she gets to have her entire hair in because she is completely black, and society doesn't find it weird when she does it but finds it weird when I do it. I also see she really liked Huey, at least enough that maybe she moved to this school for him.

I say, "Look. Lena." I see her look up at me, see her exhale, and I continue, "You might not like me, but I don't feel any way towards you. I like that you're here. I like that the school has more kids that I can learn from about my culture because I don't know enough about it. Huey's family is the only black family I ever grew up with and until he came into my life kids at school would call me names because I didn't look completely white. They would call me a lot names, some really bad ones." I see her inhale, probably knowing, and I continue, "So when he beat up one of those kids for calling me one of those names, they all stopped, and I made sure to always stay close to him because even though he wasn't nice to me all the time, I knew he cared about me." I see her look down and I say, "He didn't lie to you. We weren't together last year." I see her look up, squint her eyes, and she says, "Don't try to make me feel better. I don't need it." I inhale, stare back, and see that she's not moving, like she wants me to finish. I exhale and say, "I'm not trying to. But I am trying to tell you Huey is an honest person and he probably did go out with you because of his own reasons, but he's not the kind of guy to string girls along. He doesn't do that. He went on those dates with you and then stopped seeing you, end of story. There's nothing more to it than that. It doesn't mean anything about you. It doesn't mean anything about him. It doesn't mean anything about me. You're at a new school and guys look at you so why don't you just meet more people?" I see her eyebrow rise and she says, "Don't lie." I look away, exhale, and say, "I don't lie. You have that skin tone and those braids that only a few girls at this school can pull off. I'm still learning how to braid, and I can only get away with certain styles because of what Huey calls 'this messed up society'. But, you can pull them off. A lot of girls at this school can't. And guys like that. I even see some of the guys in our class look at you, but you're always too focused on me to see it I guess." I look back at her and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her smirk, close to a smile.

I see her exhale, look away, and hear her say, "Well maybe I could meet new people. I didn't come here just for him. I got the offer and I know it's a really good school. And, there are some cute guys here. That guy that sits in front of you is alright, but I think he likes you even if you're with someone." I feel my exhale through my nose, see her look back at me, and I say, "Okay, he does not like me. I just yelled at him in class because he's a jerk." I exhale, look away, think about those dark black eyes, red from crying a few days ago that luckily now doesn't have to see him in her homeroom, how mean he is to not just let her go, and how I hope he doesn't do that to someone else. I inhale, look back at this girl that doesn't know him and doesn't like me, but I know how mom is raising us to be strong women and help other women in this world, and I say, "I'm not telling you this to give you advise or tell you who to like but that guy is bad news." I see her purse her lips and she says, "Well he did ask me for my number and until today I was thinking about giving it to him." I say, "That guy's here for bad reasons, trying to hurt a friend of mine, and I would stay away from him. Now can I pass because I think I've taken too long in the restroom?"

I see her exhale, look at me, and after a few seconds she nods, steps aside, and I take a step and pass her. Then I hear her say, "Jazmine." I stop, look back at her, see her looking at the floor, focused, and I hear her say, "Tell him I said hi and that I'm not mad at him. And, thank you for telling me about that guy. I like nice guys, so maybe I'll see someone else and if." I see her stop, look up at me, and she says, "You wanna keep learning how to braid I can probably send you some good videos I found on YouTube." I exhale, not believing this, smile at her, and say, "Thank you." I add, "You wanna walk back to class together because these hallways get a little creepy?" I see her smirk, nod, and walk up to me.

We start our walk back to class, talking about those YouTube videos. I continue feeling this shiver as we walk but not as strong, like it's at the edge now. I exhale thinking how Huey's paranoia of the government infiltrating our lives must be getting to me.

* * *

I hear mom's voice say, "I'm sorry about last night sweethearts. I promise next week we'll have our normal Friday night okay?" I smile, hear my sister's snicker and hear her say, "You have fun mama?" I start laughing, look up, see mom's eyes open, see that tint, see her smile, and she says, "Okay, you are out of line missy and you need to be punished." I laugh harder, see mom put her papers down, get up, go around the table, sit next to my sister, and start tickling her. I drop the papers, fall back, and laugh watching my sister struggle, knowing how ticklish she is, and hear her beg, "Mama I'm sorry. I'll be good. Promise. But I can't. Mama." I close my eyes and laugh hearing my sister's sweet laugh. After a few seconds of begging I hear the laugh stop so I open my eyes, see mom sit up, kiss the top of my sister's head, and she says, "Yes. Sex is amazing." I feel my eyes get big and laugh some more. I hear my sister's laugh and hear her say, "Gonna be weird when we see Leo." Leo. I hear myself exhale and look away. I hear mom say, "What's wrong baby?" I look back at her and say, "Nothing mama, it's not important."

I see her eyebrow rise and she says, "Do you need to be tickled to?" I smile and say, "No mama. It's just, well, I." I see my sister turn and look at me, see her dark ocean blue eyes, see that look, I exhale, and I say, "I feel weird about what happened on Monday." I remember him saying 'what' like the principal and Ms. Lola. I hear mom laugh and I look up, see her stand up, walk around the table, sit on the other mini couch again, pick up the papers she was holding and she says, "You think Leo was upset that you told them to not send that boy back to Chicago." I inhale and look away. I hear her inhale and hear her say, "He called me that night to ask me how you two were doing and said two other things." I look back at mom, see her smirk at the papers, grab her glasses from the table, see her put them on, and can't help but think she looks even prettier with those glasses. I know she only wears them when her eyes get tired and she only keeps them here in her office, but she looks so pretty. I smile.

I hear her continue, "He said he would've wanted to be there to see Riley defending my baby from that boy." I look at my sister, see her smirking at the paper as she staples it, and then I hear mom say, "And, he said I should steer you into politics, but preferably law because you would make an excellent public defender for innocent black men." I feel my eyes open, look back at mom and see her smiling at the papers she's holding. I feel that warm small hand grab my shoulder, look over at my little sister, and she says, "But if you do the politics thing, you make it so Riles and I can play ball on the same damn team cuz I 'on't know about this WNBA and NBA crap." I smile, hear my mom's sweet laugh, and hear her say, "I still want him to take the art route with his talent." I look over at mom, seeing her smiling at the papers and remember my sister told me Riley came to talk to mom last Saturday. They're both such gentleman. I exhale.

I hear my sister say, "Mama, talking about Riles. I wanna ask you something." I look over at my sister, see her looking at the paper as she folds it perfectly to make sure it fits in the envelope for mom's client. When we help mom always puts her in charge of those letters knowing how my little sister has to make sure they line up perfectly in each envelope. Love her. I hear her say, "So, I wanna start, you know, maybe." I see her stop, see her cheeks getting red, and hear mom say, "I know baby. He already asked. And yes, whenever you want, you can start sleeping over there on Saturday nights." I feel my mouth open and see my sister smile at the envelope. I hear mom say, "How's everything going with my other baby and her boyfriend?" I look over at mom, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and say, "You know, just, cuddling." I see her smile and hear her say, "I thought so, but know if and when you want to go to the gynecologist, we can make an appointment the same day." I smile, look down, and say, "Okay mama. I mean, Huey said he would be getting protection, just in case, because we should, be prepared and all, but he said that it'll only happen if I want to and when I'm ready, if I'm ever ready." I feel my whole body getting warm, remembering yesterday at school hearing a few girls in the bathroom talking about how much it hurt and how I don't like pain, and then I hear mom say, "Sweetie."

I look up, see she's taken off her glasses, and she's looking at me. She says, "I won't go into detail unless you want to know, but if and when you are ready, sex can be wonderful when you're with someone that really cares about you." I see her look down, smile, exhale, and hear her say, "It really is. I didn't remember for too long that it can be magical. But the best part is knowing, just knowing, like you know who you are, no matter how long or how little you've known someone, they want you to enjoy yourself just because they do. Nothing in return. And when that happens, you want to give them more. But, even before that, the fact that it started with talking about the precautions because you are responsible adults that care about each other's wellbeing and have lived through enough and just want to be happy, really happy." I see her inhale, see her blink those pretty eyes, and hear her say, "And although it was amazing it's also the fact that you always seem to come back half an hour late to work after having your weekly lunches because you lost track of time again and he wants you to spend every free moment you have away from your babies with him at his store, helping him organize while he tells you more about the record business, his family, his life. The fact that he received scholarships to prestigious universities but couldn't continue his education because of the difficulties his family was having financially, which happens too often to young bright minds even today. And how he thought you wouldn't even talk to him at that barbecue because he thought you were out of his league not because of your profession but because you looked so well put together with two intelligent, beautiful daughters that helped shape those two boys into the great men he sees now. And how." I see her stop, look away, see her blush, and after a few seconds I hear my little sister say, "Nah uh mama, don't do that to us. Finish." I smile, seeing her look back at us with that smile and blush, and can't help but think of all those pictures in the attic of her in her college prep school. I see her look down at the table and she says, "And how you were the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. And." I see her face get completely red and I know I've never seen mom do that and I say, "Mama?" I see her look up at us and she says, "The best part about sex is when it feels like making love because he makes you feel like you are the most beautiful woman he's ever seen."

I feel my smile and can't help but feel the tears knowing she's really happy. I hear my sister say, "I'ma start calling Leo pops." I look over at my sister, see that beautiful smile, hear mom start laughing, and I reach over, hug my little sister and laugh into her hair, hearing her laughing to.

Then we hear a phone ring, see mom stand up, walk over to her desk, pick up the desk phone and hear her talking to her assistant. I scoot up closer to my little sister, put my head on her shoulder and say, "So when you starting to sleep upstairs sissy?" I feel her shoulders move and know she's trying not to laugh and hear her say, "I think maybe next week. I gotta ask you 'bout you know, like what you take and shit." I smile and say, "Sissy, you show up in your normal pajamas with your tooth brush and just be you. He already thinks you're the prettiest girl ever." I feel her shift and hear her say, "I love you sissy." I smile, highlight the phrase mom told me to find in the case transcript and say, "I love you to sissy. Remember he's your ride or die and he'll wait for you until you're ready okay." I hear her exhale and hear her say in that small voice, "Okay." I smile, knowing only mom, me and maybe Riley ever hear her talk in that voice.

I hear mom say, "That's fine. My daughters won't mind and unless they want to make an appointment with me next week, this is the only time I have today. Thanks Lawrence." I hear mom put down the phone, I highlight the phrase again, and hear her say, "Babies." I look up, see she's sitting behind her desk and typing on that laptop she doesn't have to use anymore because she has that other computer on her desk, but I think after everything Huey did to it it's actually faster than her desk computer. That warm brain. I hear mom say, "Two attorneys from a competing law firm seeking advice are coming in, so just don't mind them and continue with those duties." I look back at my sister, see her eyebrow rise and that smirk, knowing our mom's that smart that competing attorneys come asking her for advice.

I hear the door open, look over, see Lawrence walk in followed by two men in suits, and I feel my eyes open. I remember them from somewhere but where? I hear Lawrence say, "Would you like some water, coffee or tea gentleman?" I hear one say, 'no thank you' and the other rudely ignore Lawrence. That accent. Where do I know him from? I see Lawrence look over at us, smile, and he says, "And how about you ladies?" I smile and say, "No thank you Lawrence." I hear my sister say, "Nah, but I like your shoes." I see Lawrence smile at my sister, knowing she's secretly into fashion and they talk about that sometimes, and hear him say, "Thank you Cin. You two let me know if you need anything." I see him look back at the man that actually said, 'no thank you' and he says, "You to." I see Lawrence walk out and I exhale, remembering him telling us earlier that he's finally dating a really nice guy that treats him nicely and is really smart and cute after having such a hard time meeting other gay men in this city. I like Lawrence a lot.

I hear that voice with the accent say, "You were on that bus with that friend of yours when we were trying to find the shelter." I look back at that man, feel my eyes open, and I say, "Yes. I remember now. That day Huey and I were on the bus and you were looking for Mr. Willis's place." I see him smile at me, so I smile back, and then I look over and see that second man looking at me. I remember him to. I give him a small smile, turn back to that first man and say, "It's nice to see you again." I turn back to the transcript and try to focus on it.

I hear mom say, "I guess you've met my oldest. Both my daughters will be in here during this meeting unless you want to set up an actual appointment." I smile hearing that voice. I hear that second one say, "No it's fine Miss. Let's just get to the point." I see my sister grab my leg and I look over at her and see that eyebrow rise. I nod, exhale, and turn back to the paper. I hear mom say, "No." I smile and hear that second one say, "Excuse me." I highlight the phrase and hear mom say, "You are here seeking my advice, without having made an appointment with me first, so I suggest before we start you remember exactly why you are here and who is benefiting from this meeting, and if you cannot remember that you can find another attorney with my experience and notoriety for that advise." I feel my sister's shoulders shaking and I put my hand on her leg, and close my eyes, trying not to laugh out loud. I hear the first one with the accent say, "I apologize about my," but I hear mom cut him off with, "No. You have said nothing wrong and I will still gladly speak with you, but your colleague needs to learn regardless of your skin tone as a woman I am also a minority in this business." I feel my eyes get big, look up, and see mom looking at those two men. I see her exhale and she says, "And as so I am used to being talked down to, disregarded, and questioned on my scholastics and experience as an active attorney and I do not take lightly to any of it, specifically when it comes from a man whether he's black, white, or anything else, calling me miss or in any fashion he would not have spoken to me in if I were a man. And I promise you, when men and women speak to me in that way they are not let into my office again." I feel my smirk. I'm so proud. I feel that head on my shoulder, know she's happy that's our mom, and I look back at the transcript and highlight the phrase again.

I hear that second one that's probably scared right now say, "I do want to be part of this meeting and I apologize for the way I spoke to you. Can we please continue?" I smile and hear mom say, "Please sit down."

After fifteen minutes of highlighting that phrase in the transcript I hear mom say, "That takes care of the first case. What other cases did you have to discuss gentlemen?" I hear the one with the accent say, "How did you get into this business?" I stop, look over at my sister, see her eyebrow rise, and then hear mom say, "Excuse me?" I hear that one say, "I apologize, I shouldn't have asked that question." I hear mom say, "Yes. Now is there another case?" I hear the second one say, "Not necessary a case, more of a situation that requires your experience with the city. It pertains to a property our firm is trying to purchase to build additional offices. Currently the property is called Meadowlark Park." I look up, see mom look at me, look back at the two men and she says, "Go on." I hear that second one say, "The situation is after Mr. Wuncler's buildings were destroyed in a fire several years back, the property was sold back to the city and the city attempted to turn it back into the park it used to be. The problem is that the homeless decided to stay, the neighborhood had already falling in disarray, the property value continued to plummet, and so that park continues to be a smear on the city but still has recreational value." I inhale and look back down at the transcript. I hear mom say, "This sounds like a selling price issue." I hear that first one with the accent say, "It is. The fact that you guessed at that right away is amazing." I look over at my sister, see her smirk, and know what she's thinking. I hear that second one say, "Yes, the city is giving us a problem with the price, even with the plummeted property value the city wants more than what our firm is willing to offer." I hear the one with the accent say, "The biggest issue the city is having is the fact that the homeless would have to be removed if our firm purchased the property and went through with construction." I feel my lips twist. I know Huey says that when the shelter gets too full some of the homeless go sleep there.

I hear mom's voice say, "Baby don't you volunteer nearby?" I look up, see mom looking at me, and I say, "Yes, when the program begins again I'm sure I'll be volunteering at the nursing home two blocks away and Huey will start working at the shelter again." I see mom smile and see that sparkle in her eyes. I hear that second one say, "You work near the shelter?" I look over at him and say, "No. My boyfriend does. I volunteer near the shelter." I see him look at me and then I hear my lovable sister say, "Yeah, cuz you only fifteen and can't work yet." I feel my smirk and hear mom say, "Tell us about the location baby. Anything." I look at her, see her smile at me, feel my little sister's head on my shoulder and I tell them about the homeless, how nice and quiet they are, how the cars that pass by the park drive too fast and some of the homeless have gotten hurt because of that, and how the shelter can only take so many people each night.

I hear my sister say, "Be nice if the shelter could take more people." I exhale and look down at the transcript I'm supposed to be highlighting, thinking about how Huey stays quiet when we talk about it. He doesn't have to say it, but I know he worries about some of the older homeless people. I hear that first one with the accent say, "Any suggestions?" I look up, see mom looking at me, see that smile, see her turn to the men and she says, "Your problem isn't the city, it's the people you would be displacing. Offer an alternative to displacing them directly to the city with your counter offer." I hear that second one say, "You're saying we should offer the city that we house these people?" I exhale, irritated at how he says, 'these people', and feel my sister's hand on my leg. I hear mom say, "Yes." I look up, see her looking at them and she says, "The shelter's nearby. My suggestion is that you speak with Mr. Willis who manages it to see if you can help financially to expand it so the shelter can take in more of the homeless, hopefully all of them." I feel my smile and then hear that second one say, "We tried last year, and he would not accept donations from our office." I exhale and put my head on my sister's shoulder, highlight the phrase, and hear mom say, "Maybe not sounding condescending would work." I look up and feel my sister sit up with me. I hear that second one say, "Excuse me." I see mom exhale and she says, "If you spoke to Mr. Willis in the way you spoke to me earlier I'm sure you offended him. He is not just only an older man that believes in the older generation being respected and revered for their age and life experience, but he is also a veteran that served in wars that took place before even I was born and is easily offended by someone a fraction of his age speaking to him in any way less than what he deserves. I'm sure you offended him. Try again and this time have Mr. Samuels do all the talking. All of it."

I smile, look over at my sister, see that smile that belongs to mom and me, see her go back to those letters and I look back down at the transcript making sure I don't miss that phrase because mom is an awesome attorney and gave us duties today.

I can't wait to tell my best friend tonight or tomorrow when we have our 'Huey and Jazzy' Sunday.

* * *

I hear my brother say, "I'ma kill some tonight if they keep looking at C-Murph." I hear those two cackle and continue reading the essay on the court case about an off-duty white police officer walking into the wrong apartment, thinking it was hers, and shooting an innocent black man that was sitting on his own couch, in his own living room. I exhale and hear my brother say, "But you'll did see all that skin when we walked in. I ain't complaining but damn." I inhale, knowing I read that paragraph twice, look up, close my book, put it down on the table and see those two buns at the other side of the backyard, wearing a shirt exposing those creamy shoulders, standing in front of the table with the drinks. I see her smell the contents of that cup, see her eyebrow lift, put it back down and say something to her sister that looks like 'can't believe even this has alcohol'. I feel my smirk and hear, "Yo. When you all wanna leave I'ma be ready. Rather be home on GTA or any other fucken game than at this lame ass party." I hear Hiro say, "You don't wanna hang out with your team no more and take off when we leave?" I look over at the table to the far left remembering where I saw that team last and see them still chugging beer. I shake my head and hear my brother say, "Already went over once and they a'ight at school and practice but I can't fucken handle how much all they talk 'bout is girls they fucked 'round with, even if half the time they be lying. And." I hear him stop, look over at him, see him look over at that team, and hear him say, "They start talking 'bout how they fucked some of 'em at parties like this and all I wanna do is beat the shit outta 'em." I exhale and remember what he's been exposed to, for better or worse, because of his association to Ed and Rummy.

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah, we know what really happens at these rich kids parties." I look over at Caesar, see him looking out at the crowd, and hear him say, "At least the ones we're used to there's mostly beer, some hard liquor, maybe some weed going around, but here, with the kind of money they got, half their asses already drunk on the hard shit, the other half are higher than a motherfucker on molly or some paradise, and some of them already fucked around with someone upstairs." I see Riley look back at him and he says, "That what happen?" I look back at those two buns, standing next to her sister and Ming with Lauren on her other side and I exhale. I hear Caesar say, "Yeah. That shit in the past though." That girl he was with for almost a year and decided to show up here, apparently petitioning for it, got drunk at a party and cheated on him with Dewey. I think he would have forgiven her because she was drunk, but then she went and hooked up with Cairo. That fucken idiot that's in her last period every day. I look up to the right, where I saw him last, and see him still looking in the direction of those two buns, over that girl's head, and I inhale. Jazmine's told me he's being respectful. I see him look down at that girl and feel my eyebrow rise seeing him turn and walk away from her.

I hear Hiro say, "Bro, she come looking yet?" I look at Caesar and hear him say, "Nah. Wanna keep it that way. Right now I gotta deal with that fucker that came back next fucken day." I hear him exhale and continue, "Man, I was hoping that beating would'a made his ass run back to Ohio or wherever the fuck he came from." I hear him inhale and say, "Really I don't even fucken care that she's here." I hear my brother say, "You really cool with that hoe being at our school?" I say, "Riley." I see him look over at me, cross his arms over his chest, and he says, "I ain't say that shit cuz of what happen but what her ass did after. That makes her a hoe Huey. And if Caes can't fucken handle that that mean he still into her and he gotta get his shit together." I feel my eyebrows lower looking at my younger brother who does not know Caesar as well as he thinks he does. I hear an exhale and hear him say, "It's alright Hu. Riley's right." I look at him, see him looking over at the crowd, look over, see Jazmine leaning on Ming's shoulder, remembering after Monday they've started acting like her and her younger sister do with the hugging and leaning on each other. I shake my head. Women. Then I see Jazmine say something into her ear that looks like 'cutest ones in the school', feel my eyebrow rise with the tension leaving my body, wondering how she does that at this distance. I hear Caesar say, "Don't know man. It was kind of weird, how it happened. Didn't realize I hadn't thought about her for weeks until she showed up here." I look at him, see him looking at the crowd and hear him say, "And, she kind of a crazy bitch." I hear the snickers, followed by their cackles, shake my head, and know just like that the tension is gone.

I hear Caesar continue, "I mean I know I don't usually talk about girls like that cuz I'm just not alright with calling them shit like that and I know." I hear him stop, see him look over at my brother, smirk, and hear him say, "You all thinking I should of seen that shit a while ago but I don't know." I see him look back at the crowd, hear him exhale, and he says, "I guess just being with her for so long I kinda thought all girls were like that, like she was, where I would try to talk to her ass about anything and she would always shut me down. But, I think it was your girls that change that shit for me." I feel my eyebrow rise and before I can ask I hear my brother say, "The fuck?" I hear Caesar snicker, see him look back at my brother and he says, "That day when I saw her ass and you guys let me stay at Aunt Cookie's." I see him exhale, look down at the table, and he says, "Those two just let my ass cry, holding me like a little fucken baby and I remember sitting there and just thinking I didn't fucken care what she looked like, sounded like, or where I fucken met her, I just wanted a girl that would be alright with me crying about missing my mom sometimes and wouldn't tell me that I just needed to grow up." I hear Hiro say, "Damn bro, she was messed up with your ass and you stayed that long." I see him exhale, nod, look back at the crowd, and hear him say, "Funny shit is I don't even care anymore." I hear him snicker and hear him say, "I'm a fool that I didn't see I stopped thinking about her the moment we landed here and." I see him stop and look up at the crowd. I look over and see Ming looking over here. I hear him say, "I stopped feeling that weird empty feeling in my stomach weeks ago." I look back at Caesar, knowing he does not talk about this ever, see him inhale still looking at the crowd I'm sure looking at his girlfriend who's taken to leaning on that smooth shoulder I still haven't put my hands on tonight, and hear him continue quieter, "I know it's been a few weeks of knowing her, being with her, but that feeling, the one that's been around since my mom left and didn't ever leave even when I was with Chantel, is gone." I see him exhale, look back at me, and he says, "Who's apparently into girls now."

I exhale through my nose, remembering how she looked at her, how I couldn't care less if it's some idiot male or female student at our school. I do not like people looking at her like that, let alone making her feel uncomfortable. I hear Hiro say, "Still can't believe her ass into girls though. Some weird fucken shit man." I look over at the crowd where I saw Caesar's ex-girlfriend last and see her talking to that girl, Miranda, feeling my eyebrow rise. Then I hear my brother say, "Well since your ass is really over that hoe maybe her ass can keep Miranda busy for a fucken minute cuz I'm getting tired of the way she be looking at Cin. And she be fucking up the team and Cin ain't fucken a'ight 'bout that either. I mean I can handle the assholes that be looking at her, I can beat the shit outta all of 'em, but Miranda's a fucken female man." I exhale, remembering her blinking and standing there in that pink sweater and light blue jeans covering those thick thighs and wanting to sit her on my lap and remind everyone that was looking at her and Caesar's ex-girlfriend who she belongs to, even if I understand how the world works and people do not belong to each other. Damn the world.

I hear, "Huey?" I look to my right, feeling the shiver, and exhale. I thought she followed Cairo after he walked away from her, but I was wrong. I feel my eyebrow rise seeing her red eyes and hear her say, "So, like I heard you know Cairo from back where he's from." I inhale, hear a few chairs move, see her inhale, and she says, "Do you know if he has a girlfriend or someone because he's just not, you know." She stops and I see her eyes water and know she's about to break. I exhale, trying to gather my thoughts and then I hear my brother say, "Into your ass." I see her exhale, see the tears start, and I turn back to my book. I stopped making those jades cry months ago, possibly longer than that, but I've never been fine seeing women cry in general.

I hear a chair fall back, look up, and see Hiro walking over to the crowd where I see a guy standing in front of Lauren. I hear Caesar say, "Girl, none of us know him no more and maybe you should talk to your friends about this shit." I hear her inhale, open my book knowing Hiro can handle any of those idiots in that crowd, and hear that girl say, "I did, and they said I should just see someone else because he's a player anyways because he's bla." I hear her stop, look back at her, see her looking away, and then I hear my brother say, "Cuz all black guys be players." I see her exhale and she says, "You know, it's funny how they say that but it's all the other guys at our school that are players and it's you guys that have girls crushing on you." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my brother say, "But we don't give two shits 'bout that." I see her exhale, looking away still, and hear her say, "Why?" I shake my head, turn back to focus on the case I was reading, and I hear Caesar's voice say, "Because we got girls." I hear her say, "But, you could have anyone at this school. Anyone of you. You're like the hottest guys in school." I hear my idiot brother say, "Damn straight." I feel the headache now and know with her standing here and my brother continuing to answer those questions I am not going to be able to focus on the case. I exhale, close the book, look up, and see Hiro standing next to Lauren, in front of that guy that was talking to her. I look over, see those two buns standing next to Hiro, and feel my exhale longer this time. Seeing those buns I remember that time I made sure no one would ever call her any of those fucken names in middle school again, not knowing they had been calling her those names when I wasn't around. Those fucken names. The fact that some people say she's not black enough but also do not acknowledge the ridicule she went through because she was never white enough either. She's exactly what she needs to be, and so am I. I inhale and pick up my book to continue reading, having been reminded by those buns of all the work my people still need me to do. Then I hear Caesar, making me question that I've thought he's smarter than most, continue this ridiculous conversation, say, "Look girl. We don't want them. We all been with enough to know what's out there. We know. And I can only say this shit for myself, but the girl I got isn't one I'ma find in a long fucken time. Aside from shit you don't have to know, she smart as fuck and can play ball and she sweet as fuck. All in one nice package. And, I'ma go on a fucken limb here, but I think we can all say that about our girls, even if Jazzy isn't on the team." I feel my smirk looking at my book and remember her telling her sister and friends they weren't passing the ball enough during practice.

I hear that girl exhale and hear her say, "What's the big deal with her anyways? I know that's why he doesn't wanna date me." I inhale, look back at her, close my book, and put it down. I see her look down at me and she says, "She's not that innocent Huey. There's a reason so many guys look at her, including Cairo." I exhale, remembering she's a woman, and I do not disrespect them. I hear my brother say, "Hey, don't be talking shit here. And Jazzy be like ma lil sis and she is my girl's sister so step back." I see her look away and then hear Caesar say, "See girl, maybe this is why he don't wanna date you. You talk shit when you don't know shit. I'm not trying to be disrespectful cuz my mama didn't raise me like that but damn, stop talking shit 'bout things you don't know. I mean the girls never say shit about you. Only things we know is what you show us. And I agree with Riley." I look over at Caesar, see him exhale, and hear him continue, "Don't be coming around disrespecting any of them and Jazzy and Cin are the reason my bro and I met our girls so step back." I look over at those buns, see her laughing at something Hiro must have said and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Hiro, who has never cared about what other people think, hugging his very blushing girlfriend from behind. He must've taken care of that idiot. Then I feel my inhale, seeing Cairo ten feet away from her, taking steps in her direction.

I get up, walk around that girl, up to the crowd, see the kids move away, letting me pass, possibly from their survival instincts, walk up to them, see her look up, smile at me, and she says, "Hey, we were going over there right now. Is everything okay?" I look up, see him look at me, see him inhale, and turn around. I feel that hand on my stomach, look down, and hear her whisper, "Bestie, we knew about him two minutes ago and we were about to walk over to the table if he did try talking to me, at a party, where there's no reason for him to talk to me. And remember, Hiro's here." I exhale, look over at Hiro, see him look at me with his eyebrow raised, and he says, "You know I can handle his ass, but now that you here and Jazzy girl's safe, I'ma take my girl to restroom." They've both taken to calling her that nickname from time to time. I exhale, look down, and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing his girlfriend getting redder, possibly from him saying she needed to do a natural bodily function. I see her look up at Jazmine and hear her say, "Jazzy, we'll meet you over there okay?" I hear that voice say, "Okay Lauren. Stay with your boyfriend." I see her exhale, nod, and hear her say, "Not leaving his side." I see Lauren look at me and smile, something she started doing after the day Jazmine cut her hair. I didn't ask Jazmine about that day, but I know they got close. I see her look back at Hiro, see him move away from her, grab her hand, and start walking towards the house.

I look back at those buns, see that forehead, those eyes, those lips, and I exhale seeing that dark pink, knowing she's not hiding it because I'm here. I also know, right now, I want to be in my house, behind my closed door, listening to music she thinks 'helps' with my studying, smelling that tea, and seeing her read one of her mother's old folk books she found in her attic or hearing the Japanese version of her favorite anime, while I finish my book. I see that smile and hear her whisper, "Almost okay." I exhale, nod, grab her hand, and start walking back to the table, not caring where we are, just knowing this is what I want.

I look up at the table, see her sister behind Riley and Ming sitting next to Caesar, looking at that girl. I look back at that girl, see her looking in our direction and I stop. I feel her move up and before she says anything I start walking again. I feel her squeeze my hand and let her put her fingers between mine. I see that girl squint, doing that thing with her face that makes me think she might be less sane than most, see her look over at Jazmine, turn, and walk away from the table. The fact that she blames Jazmine for that fucken idiot not wanting to be with her makes me think Jazmine and I have more in common than I think regarding people that blame us for things that have nothing to do with us.

After getting through the crowd, slower this time, having to stare down a few assholes, we finally get back to table, see that Cindy and Ming are now both sitting next to Riley and Caesar, talking between themselves, and there's only one chair left. We get to the chair and I say, "Jazmine." I hear her say, "It's okay Huey I can just stand, and you should sit so you can keep reading." I look at her, focus on those lips, knowing how I would rather have us fix this situation but not around my friends or girls asking pointless questions or the assholes that kept looking at her on our way back to the table. I see that smile, look up, see those eyes focused on a fixed point, see those lips purse and know she's calculating. I start feeling nervous. I feel my mouth open as she sways those hips taking two small steps up, feel her hands on my hips, feel the pull, then the twist, and the push down. I feel myself sit up straight on the chair, feel that round ass sit on my lap, and I close my eyes, trying to relax. I want to find a more descriptive, appropriate word for how it feels but all I keep thinking is the very juvenile word 'bouncy'. I groan and put my face on that smooth shoulder. I hear that voice whisper, "I've been wanting to do that all night with how cute you look sitting at a party reading a book." I look up at that face, look down at those lips, and say, "I am not cute Jazmine." I see her lick that lip and hear her whisper, "No. You're Huey." I look up at those eyes with those shades of gray that match the dark gray shirt she's wearing today, feel the tight blue jeans she's wearing right over my semi-erection, knowing all she had to do was sit on me, and wonder why the hell we are here and not in my room.

I hear her sister say, "Shit. Why she coming?" I exhale and see that smile turn away from me, knowing 'friend time' is almost over. I look over at Cindy and see my brother's arm come around and hug her, feeling my eyebrow rise knowing being opposed to public affection is a trait we all carry. I look up and see that girl that told Cindy she should not be hanging around my younger brother the first day of school walking over here.

I hear her inhale, see her grab my book, open it, put it on her lap, and look down at it. I feel my smirk and hear her say, "I need to focus on something." I shake my head, grab that waist, feel her inhale as I pull her in so she's not sitting on my semi hardness, see her swallow, and see her turn the book so we can both try to focus on it.

I hear that girl say, "Hi everyone. Just wanted to come over and see how you were all doing." I hear her exhale, feel her look up, and remember how she was raised. I hear Ming say, "We cool. It's been a good party. Thanks for hosting." I hear that voice next to me say, "Yes, thanks for also letting people that aren't on any sports team come Miranda." I see that girl look down at my brother and she says, "So have you hung out with your team at all?" I hear her inhale and squeeze her waist. I hear her sister say, "Why you care Miranda?" I see that girl look at Cindy and she says, "Well he is on the team Cin and should hang out with them a little." I feel that inhale and squeeze that waist again. Then I hear, "Young Reezy where you at man!" I look up to the far left, see those guys inebriated enough that they might not know who they even are, hear my brother exhale, and hear him say, "Jazzy." I feel a squeeze on my hand, feel her breath on my ear, close my eyes, and hear her whisper, "Be back okay." I open my eyes and inhale feeling the cold returning to my lap, knowing that semi-erect situation should be leaving soon.

I see her place the book back on the table, see those hips sway over to my brother, and wonder if she knows she's doing that to me. I see my brother stand up, see Jazmine pull the chair he was sitting on back, and sit in that same chair, next to her sister. I hear my brother say he'll be back and see him walk away to that far left table. I look back, see that girl looking down at Cindy, and hear that girl say, "Cin, can we talk?" I see Cindy suck her teeth in, a habit Jazmine told me she's trying to break her out of, and then hear her say, "Miranda, look, we cool. We on the same team, but I need you to stop this shit." I see Jazmine put her hand over her sister's and see Cindy exhale and look away. I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing when a person is scared. That's her younger sister and my brother's girlfriend. I exhale and look back at this girl, see her looking at Jazmine now, and wonder how much more my patience will be tested tonight. I hear her say, "Jazmine, I just need to talk to her, you don't have to act like," but I hear Jazmine cut her off with, "Miranda." I might have her sit on my lap when we're alone in my room. She continues, "No. If my little sister doesn't want to talk to you alone she doesn't have to and I won't let her. Even if she tells me right now that she wants to talk to you alone, I will follow you and not let her out of my sight. Do you understand that?" She's sitting on my lap tonight.

I look back at that girl, see her exhale, and she says, "You're only acting like this because you feel something Cin." I see Cindy inhale, see her look back at that girl, see her stand up, hearing the chair move back, and see Jazmine stand up with her. I look back at that girl and see her giving Cindy that same look that psychotic lunatic that hides at school has given Jazmine and I inhale, knowing why my brother asked Jazmine to take his seat. I hear Cindy exhale and hear her say, "Miranda. You know I'm with Riley. I been with him. Don't make this fucken weird alright. I see your ass looking and not focusing on practice, making you make dumbass mistakes." I see that girl squint her eyes and she says, "You worth those dumbass mistakes." I hear Ming say, "You gotta be fucken kidding me Miranda. This is how I know knowing Cin only this long, even if she was single her ass wouldn't be with you." I see Miranda look at Ming and say, "What?" I hear Caesar say, "Girl, I'ma stay out of this shit but don't be looking at my girlfriend like that. I don't fucken care if you are on their team." I hear that voice say, "She's saying that my sister wouldn't be with you anyways Miranda." I see that girl look back at Jazmine, inhale, look at Cindy, and she says, "Just a minute alone Cin." I hear that voice say, "We're leaving." I feel my exhale, stand up, grab my book, hear two other chairs move back I'm sure leaving with us, and hear that girl say, "Why Jazmine? I mean honestly the way you're acting is just making it seem like you don't want her to have a choice. I mean is it because you need your sister to be with your boyfriend's brother so your relationship can last or is it because you just don't like that your sister is into girls." I hear that voice say, "That is my little sister's choice you." But then I hear her sister say, "Sis."

I'm done. I walk over to them, stand behind Jazmine, and see that girl look up at me. I hear her say, "So what? It's a group thing, keeping her away from her making her own," but she's cut off with Cindy saying, "Miranda shut up!" I see that girl close her mouth and look back down at Cindy. I hear Cindy continue, "Ma sister was the first person I told and she told ma ass to do whatever I wanted as long as I was happy and doing it cuz I fucken wanted to. So don't be talking shit to her cuz up to right now she's been telling ma ass that I deserve what the fuck I want. So back the fuck off!" I see Jazmine's arms come around her younger sister's shoulders and see her pull her in.

I feel his presence next to me, see him put his hand on Jazmine's arm and hear my brother say, "Jazzy." I see Jazmine whisper into her sister's ear, kiss the side of her head, and let go. I see Cindy turn, looking down, feel my eyebrows lower seeing her eyes are watery, see her move into my brother and see him put his arms around her. I see him close his eyes, exhale, turn to her side keeping one arm around her shoulder, and start walking out with her under him. I look back down at Jazmine, see her looking at that girl, move up behind her, and say, "Let's go." I grab her hand, pull her, and feel her walking with me. Then I feel her stop.

I look back and see that girl grabbing Jazmine's hand, see Jazmine looking down, and hear that girl say, "Jazmine, see. If she didn't want to be with me she wouldn't have reacted like that. Please talk to her." I exhale, close my eyes, knowing too many reasons I need her to handle this one. I hear that voice say, "Miranda, let me go because I do not want to hurt you only, only, because you are on the team. But believe me, you made my little sister feel bad and if you don't let go in less than five seconds I will drop kick you and you will have at least a sprained ankle, not allowing you to play on the team." I open my eyes, look back, and see that girl let go. I look forward and see my brother walking through the side door, holding a girl the height of Jazmine that she'll sprain an ankle for. I take a step and hear that girl say, "Then just tell me why she reacted like that." I hear that exhale and wonder how much more they want to test her patience tonight. Then I hear Ming say, "I'll tell your ass why Miranda." I look over and see Ming with Caesar's arm around her waist and remember both of those two have never cared about what people think as long as they're content. I hear Ming say, "You fucking up the team Miranda and if you knew Cin like you fucken think you do you'd know the team means that much to her. Only comes second to her family. That's why she wouldn't be with your ass even if she was single. Cuz she wouldn't be with a selfish person that doesn't care about how they're affecting the team during practice."

I hear that inhale and then that polite voice say, "Miranda, you get near my little sister again, outside of practice or any games, and I promise you, only because her best friend and boyfriend can't, and because I love her, I will come after you." I feel her move up, see her look at me with those watery eyes, knowing she's fine but, for all intents and purposes, that's her younger sister. I nod, look forward, and walk to the door, seeing the kids move, possibly knowing my patience is at its limit for tonight.

* * *

I ask, "Is that what you want?" I see that smile, see her move up to me, feel those lips press up against mine, and feel her move away. I move back up, pressing my lips against hers because that was too short. I feel that smile, feel those lips over my own, and hear her say, "Yes."

I move back, look at those eyes that are no longer watery like they were an hour ago. Once we got home, the girls all went to Sarah's to talk. We stayed at my house and discussed protocol for the week. Decided for now, the routes we're taking at school with the girls covers them so they're never without at least one of us. The only change in the near future will be once Jazmine starts her volunteer service again and I will be working those same hours. She also told me about some possible changes at the shelter I'll have to discuss with Mr. Willis once I start working again to see if I can help in anyway. After discussing the situation about all the idiots at school and some women now, we heard the door open and saw the girls walking in. I saw Jazmine walk in with her night bag and wondered why her sister had a night bag to. Then, the girls all hugged like they always do, making it seem like they're not going to see each other in two days. But it's also possible, after tonight, they needed that contact, even after having talked amongst themselves for half an hour. Once Caesar and Hiro left to drop off Ming and Lauren, I felt my eyebrow rise hearing her sister say goodnight to me, hug Jazmine, and walk upstairs to my brother's room. I looked at my brother and saw him looking away. Then, he looked back at me and I looked at him, asking. He moved his head side to side, giving me his answer. We were raised by the same people so I wasn't worried. I nodded, looked back at my room and saw Jazmine walking in with her own bag.

I turned back to my brother, saw him looking at me, smirk, salute, turn, and walk upstairs to his room with Jazmine's younger sister. I know we've talked, briefly, only because my brother says he knows what sex is, what kind of protection to us, and because I know he talks a lot, but he won't make that move unless it's the best for both of them. I realize, looking at the place where he stood before he walked upstairs, that he has asked, in his own subtle ways how to be careful and I know I've told him how I would go about it and take the right precautions. I exhale. Maybe Grandad could maybe, possibly, be right about how much he follows me. But for now, I have a round ass I need to have sit on my lap tonight while we do anything she wants and I finish _The Souls of Black Folk_ by W.E.B. Du Bois. I turn and walk to my room where I saw those hips and that ass walk into a few seconds ago.

I lay my head back on the headboard and say, "Then why don't you watch the episodes that feature Faye Valentine tonight while I read?" I see her eyes open, feeling my smirk turn into that thing she likes, and she says, "Why?" I exhale and say, "Because you say your favorite character is Ed but your breathing slows down when Faye Valentine comes on the screen." I see that smile get bigger, see her nod, and I say, "But I also want you to keep your word about coming back and sitting on my lap tonight followed by that 'non-friend Sunday' day tomorrow." I wouldn't ask for anything she's not willing to give, but I want more now. I see that tint cover those thirty-three freckles, see those lips move, and here her say, "Okay bestie."

* * *

Hi you'll,

So, I truly hope you all enjoyed reading these last two chapters as much as I enjoyed writing them. It's 1:30 AM right now. I don't know. I'm behind on other 'adulting' things I need to be doing right now, but I felt like these chapters had to be put out there in the world and so here they are. But I will be working on the next chapter in the next two weeks or so.

I hope you all comment on what you think about the characters that showed up and of course the characters you all like and whatever you feel like talking about.

Thank you,

-Bulma's ego.


	27. Places to hide, races, and rumors

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

ThickBlackGirl: You are the best. I think of you as Cindy honestly LOL. Yeah thanks for making me laugh with the comment. And yes, if Huey's right about you know "believing in that kind of thing" like he told Grandad in that episode, the Jesus be black. Hope you like the next chapter.

LavenderLuvER18: If I haven't said it enough, I love your comments. They make me smile every time man. Thank you. I hope like the next one.

CHAPTER 27:

I hear my sister say, "So what happened with the dick from the party? He still bothering your ass?" I cut the last strand, look back at that dark hair that frames her diamond shaped faced, and I smile. I hear her whisper, "How I look Jazzy?" I feel my smirk, squinting my eyes, and say, "Like once we blow dry it Caes is not going to be happy with all the guys that will be looking at you even more now." I hear Ming laugh. Then I hear Lauren say, "Yeah he is Cin bear, and it's really not okay now. Like if he says one more thing I'm gonna slap him." I feel my eyes open and see Ming's eyes open to, probably thinking the same thing. I sit back down on the chair that's become like my chair for these kind of hanging out moments, put the scissors down on the shelf, and look over at Lauren as she's brushing my sister's long hair that's still long because I know how to trim.

I see my sister's hand go up, grab Lauren's wrist, and hear my sister say, "You need us to take care of his punk ass?" I see Lauren smile down and she says, "Maybe." I laugh with Ming seeing my little sister's evil smirk. Then I hear a stomach grumbling, we all look at each other, smile, and I say, "Okay, well first let's blow dry Mimi's hair and then we can order the pizza and talk." I see my sister smile at me and she says, "That's why I loves you. You know how much I love my pizza sis and you'll know that was ma ass asking for food." We all laugh.

After finishing up, we all go to my sister's room, set up, and then hear the doorbell ring. We all stop and look at each other. I hear my sister say, "Mimi, Laurie, phones." I see Ming and Lauren both go to their night bags and grab their phones. I look back at my sister, nod, and we all walk downstairs. Once we're downstairs my sister and I crawl to the closet while Lauren and Ming sit on the bottom staircase. We grab our bats from the closet and crawl back to the front door. We both take our positions on either side of the door, look at the girls, see they're both holding their phones, ready to press send, and then I see my little sister peek through the hole, see her look at me with a confused look, and then I look.

I hear my little sister say, "What you want?" I see the boy look at the door confused and he says, "You ordered pizza." I say, "We haven't made the order. Can you tell us who ordered it?" I see his eyebrow rise, see him look down at the receipt on the top box, and he says, "Yeah. A Sarah Dubois ordered it." I look over at my sister, see her put down the bat, grab her phone out of her pocket, and put it next to her ear. I say, "Okay. Just give us one minute. We need to make sure our mom really ordered it." I hear my sister say, "Yeah mama. Okay." I see her smile and then she says, "Yeah. We having fun. Love you to. Night mama." I smile noticing how warm my sister is with mom now, see her put her phone back in her pocket, smirk at me, and she says towards the door, "Hold up." We both go put our bats in the closet to not scare the boy, go back to the door with Ming and Lauren behind us, open it, and I say, "Hi. Our mom did order it." I look at my sister and say, "Sis you have your wallet?" I see her nod, pull out her wallet with mom's card, and hear the guy say, "Um. Can't take card unless you'll ordered it like that online so just cash." I look back at him, see him looking at us, and I hear Lauren say, "Jazzy, Mimi and I can pay if you want, since you two paid last time." I look back, smile, and say, "No Laurie. Not allowed when you're sleeping over. When we stay at your house yes, but here, we pay." I see her smile and I look over and see my sister taking the extra money out of the jar over the TV. She comes back, hands the money to the delivery guy, and says, "Keep the change man." I see Ming come up, grab the boxes from the delivery guy, and hear her say, "Thank you. That be for us." I see her turn and hear her say, "Cin bear you cannot eat half a pizza again cuz it ain't good for being on the damn team okay." I laugh and see all three walking to the kitchen with my sister salivating at the meat lover's pizza. Mom knows her so well.

I look back and see the guy standing there staring. I say, "Okay. Well have a good night." I hear him say, "You'll mom trust you with credit cards and money? I'm used to showing up at houses and having kids scramble for money." I feel my eyebrow rise, open my mouth, wanting to tell him he looks our age and most kids at our age don't have jobs yet but then I feel my little sister put her head on my shoulder and hear her say, "'Course she does, she's our mama." I smile, see that guy's eyebrow rise, and he says, "You two sisters and the other two are your friends?" I feel another head on my shoulder and hear Lauren say, "Yep." I feel my smile get bigger and then hear Ming say, "Look, it's getting late homie and we gots to eat, so." I see that guy look at Ming standing next to my sister and he says, "It's just that I've never seen such pretty girls that are hanging out on a Friday night instead of partying and having credit cards and cash that you could be using to cause trouble out there." I hear Lauren say, "Well we're just not like that and that's why our parents trust us with credits cards and money, but we do have to eat so." I snicker, knowing they all love that meat lover's pizza, and hear my sister say, "Yeah, so thanks man. Laters." I see my sister closing the door and I hear him say, "Well my name is Ronnie and I usually work on Friday nights. So, if you order or your mom orders just tell them to have me bring it and I'll make sure to get here quick." I see him look back at us. I give him a small smile and I say, "Okay. Well goodnight." Then I close the door and hear Lauren say, "Kept looking at Mimi." We all laugh and walk back to the kitchen table.

After getting our slices and laying on the floor of my sister's room I hear her say, "Laurie when we gonna go after his ass?" I see Lauren exhale, see Ming holding the Roku control and start the Alina Baraz channel on my sister's Pandora account on her TV, hear 'High' start, and then hear Lauren say, "I don't know Cin bear. I'm trying to just not give him anymore of my energy. I mean really it's just that I hate when he starts talking to me in Spanish in class thinking that connects us. I know a lot of kids at school that speak Spanish and it's good to practice with them and even teach them some words but I do know when a guy's trying to use it to talk to me. I mean I'm trying to be nice because he's new but I have a boyfriend and I told him and then that whole thing at the party." I hear Ming say, "Yeah. At least Hiro was there and he knows he's your man but he's still trying to talk to you?" I see Lauren look at Ming, see her lips purse, nod, and she says, "Yeah and then this week he said something really dumb and it almost got my Hiro into a fight." I smile, knowing how much she likes him, and hear my sister say, "Wa happen?"

I see Lauren look over at my sister, exhale, and she says, "Okay, well that jerk said something really dumb to me during the week and I just wanted to forget about it but then today I remembered about it on our way to third because I have that jerk for third and Hiro asked me why I was being quiet. I guess I didn't know that I was being quiet and when he asked me I told him because I don't like lying to him, you know unless it's about birthday stuff." I see her inhale and continue, "So, after I told him what that jerk said he started walking faster to my class, I'm sure to find him and probably get in a fight, and he just wouldn't listen to me to calm down and I needed to stop him so I." I feel my eyebrow rise seeing Lauren blush and hear my sister say, "Laurie? Wa you do?" I see Lauren look away, swallow, and she says, "I stepped in front of him in the middle of the hallway, pulled him down, and kissed him." I feel my eyes get big knowing how shy she is even if she does like him that much. I'm sure they kiss but I know they're kind of private about it because, aside from the cute kisses he gives her, I have not seen them kiss yet. I hear my sister and Ming snicker and then hear Ming say, "What he do?"

I see Lauren look at Ming, see her smile, and she says, "Well, it was just a little kiss, you know trying to make him focus on something else, but when I pulled away he just looked at me and wouldn't say anything so I asked him if he was okay and." I see her stop, look down smiling, and she says, "He grabbed my hand, pulled me to the staircase, walked me up to the second floor, picked the lock with a paperclip that led to the rooftop, and then just looked at me." I see her stop, inhale, and she says, "He's so different than anyone I've ever met. I mean he can pick locks and has tattoos that all mean something about his family. And he's super nice and is really smart and really likes talking about music and telling me about some that I didn't even know existed. And he likes that I play basketball. And then even more than anything, he's just so sweet and nice, like how he just stood there after he opened the door, waiting, just waiting for me to decide if I wanted to go out there with him." I see her exhale, smile at her hands, look up, and she says, "So, I walked out onto that rooftop, heard him lock the door behind us, turned around and then he kissed me." I see her look away, smiling, I think remembering, and says, "We stayed up there for our third period." I see her exhale and she says, "Kissing mostly and then talking. And." I see her stop, purse her lips, and she says, "I think whenever we want to be alone I think I want that to be our place. Our little place where we hide. I mean I don't know if that's weird, but I kinda want that." I see her look at me and she says, "Is it weird Jazzy? If we had a place where we can go to just be alone during school? Is that like normal?" I smile and say, "Totally normal Laurie." I see her exhale, smile at me, and then I hear my sister say, "Storage room D, games gym." I feel my eyes get big, look at my sister, see her looking down, blushing, and then hear Ming say, "Storage room B, band room." I look at Ming and see her looking down and remember how much she looks like my sister when she does that. I exhale and say, "Janitor's room B3." I feel my cheeks getting warm, see them all look up, look at each other, and then we all start laughing.

After we stop laughing I hear my sister say, "A'ight. So at least we all knows where to find each other if shit goes down and us and our boo's aren't in class." I hear Ming say, "True. But Laurie." I see her turn to Lauren and I hear Ming continue, "What that jerk say that was that bad that Hiro was 'bout to kick his ass?" I look back at Lauren, see her exhale, and she says, "Okay. But remember Hiro knows and he said he doesn't care as long as he doesn't bother me starting Monday." I see Lauren look up at Ming, purse her lips, and she says, "That jerk said that I should be dating someone that my family would be okay with me dating, you know, because he's not." I see her stop, close her eyes, and inhale, I'm sure mad. I say, "That guy's a jerk Laurie and you shouldn't listen to him." I see her open her hazel eyes, look at me, exhale, and she says, "Yep. You're right. And next time he says something like that I'm gonna slap him real hard." I see her look down, shake her head, and she says, "I mean he's so dumb. My parents don't care about that. I mean they really, really like Hiro because he's so respectful and I think they can tell he's nice to me and my mom even said he's super cute and I should have him over more. And my parents love me and they just want me to be, you know." I see her exhale and hear Ming say, "Be happy with whoever the fuck you wanna be with." I see Lauren look up at Ming, give her a small smile, and she says, "Yep."

I exhale, look to my right, and see those water colors and that blue in her eyes that only someone with Riley's talent could get right, remembering how strong he is to have gone through all that stuff with Huey, how much I look up to him even if he is younger than me, how so many people don't know about his artistic side because all they see is a black kid that can play basketball, how both of them are going to change the world one day no matter how racist this world is, and I say, "Some people are really dumb and ignorant." I hear in my little sister's quiet voice, "You right sis. Like those fucked up people I used to live with that tol' ma ass I shouldn't be hanging out with Riles cuz he was black." I exhale, remembering how those sick people were only okay with me because I kind of looked white. I'm so happy my sister's nothing like them. I hear her say, "I made ma choice and a damn good one, no matter how fucked up those people were and how fucked up any more people gonna be. He's always been ma ride or die, was to when I was going through all that shit, just like ma Jazzy always been ma sis." I look back at my little sister, see her giving me a small smile, and she says, "So when dumbasses at school like Rallo or any fucked up people on the street look, I put my chin up, cuz they don't know me or ma real family or friends." I see her look up at that painting I was just looking at and smile. I exhale, feeling so proud she's my sister. I hear Ming say, "Yeah. And I'm willing to fight that ex-hoe and any other dick that looks at us when we're out and thinks I should be with someone else. They're all stupid cuz Michael's what I want and my mom and dad told me when we came here that I get to have anything I want as long as I work my ass off for it."

I look at Ming and see her smirking at the floor, I'm sure thinking about her boyfriend, who she calls Michael now. I feel my smile remembering how she started calling him that after that party and how cute it is that he blushes when she says it. Caesar's so happy now. Caes. Caesar's probably Huey's best guy friend. He has been for years even if they didn't get to see each other a lot. Huey. I exhale remembering that afro. I feel my jade and how smooth it is, knowing how pretty it is, how he said it reminded him of the color of my eyes, how after we started dating we started spending even more time with each other, like he just wanted an excuse for us to be closer and didn't know how to do it until I told him he could, until I gave him permission. How I look forward to that tall figure's shadow at the door of the nursing him. I exhale and say, "When we walk down the street from the nursing home to the bus stop and we pass by the construction workers, I make sure to hold his hand because he's my boyfriend, even if the older people, usually white people, look at us. Sometimes the men in suits talking with the foremen look and give me this look like they're angry because I look mostly white and I'm with him. And when they do that I hold his hand tighter. And sometimes, I think when he doesn't know he's doing it, he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer, like he also doesn't care what the world thinks. I like when he does that."

I hear a few exhales and then it's quiet. I hear 'Love Me Like That' by Ella Mai and I remember how much I like this Pandora channel. I also remember this artist is a strong black woman that's half Jamaican and half white. I look down at my hands, see they are darker than they used to be when I was younger, I think like my hair and face. I don't think I look as white as I used to because I am little darker and because I filled out a little but I still look too white for some people when they see me with Huey. But why does that matter to people? I exhale and wonder if things will ever be easier for people that choose to be with people from a different race. I know Huey says races were constructed by society to keep a certain people down, to keep groups of people on top of other groups, that the word 'race' has no significance he says because there's nothing biologically different from one person to another, that what matters is who you want to be, what culture you want to be part of, and how you make that people, that culture, better or worse. I look up at my friends, realizing we're all dating people that this world would say are 'not like us and we shouldn't date'. I feel my smile knowing none of us care about that and know we would only be as happy as we are with the boyfriends we have. I feel stronger today and I think it's because of my family and my friends and my boyfriend.

I hear Ming say, "You girls think the guys even know we talk 'bout this shit or they think all we talk about is makeup and clothes?" I feel my smirk and then I hear Lauren say, "I don't think so." I look over at her and see her looking at that picture of my little sister in water colors and she says, "I mean I don't really know if this is one of those times my mom told me I would just know things and I should just go with it, like how I knew my cousins were wrong all along, but I get this feeling that the guys know we're smart and think about these things and that's why they're with us. I mean I'm sure with how cute they are they would have been able to date anyone here when they moved, but I think they would've gotten you know, a little bored." I hear Ming snicker and hear her say, "Michael tells me without me and his friends here he would be bored as fuck." I laugh, remembering, and I say, "I think maybe, we're just lucky and they are to." I see them look at me, smile, and then I hear a stomach grumble. We all look at my little sister and hear her say, "Pizza now." We laugh, get up, and go downstairs.

Once we're downstairs, grabbing our slices from the meat lover's pizza and the cheese one that's the closest I'll get to a vegetarian pizza at our local pizza place, I hear my sister say, "So Mimi." I know that voice. I look up, see her smirking at Ming, and she says, "Wa happen with your folks and Caes yesterday?" I look over at Ming, see her smirking at her slice, and she says, "Well, I think all they did was go golfing and talk but I think my dad just wanted to spend some time with his ass without me there to see if he could trust him." I feel my eyebrow arch, take a bite from the pizza, wondering if maybe I can make a better, tastier version of a vegetarian pizza, and then hear Lauren say, "So they said it was okay?" I see Ming blush, feel my smile as I chew, and she says, "Yeah. I think I'ma start tomorrow night." I swallow and say, "So is Caes excited?" I see Ming look over at me, see that smirk and arched eyebrow, and she says, "Damn he is. I don't even know. I mean he's more excited than I am. He has this long ass list of all these things he wants to do with movies and listening to some of his music and then showing me all his trophies from his last school and then his drawings and it's like he thinks this is gonna be a show and tell for my ass." I feel my smile and hear my sister say, "That shit's fucken cute Mimi and your ass loves it." I feel my eyebrow arch and my smirk, knowing this is probably the first time our friends have heard her talk like that. I see Ming and Lauren both turn to my sister, see my sister about to take a bite out of her pizza, stop, and she says, "Nah ah girls. That shit not on me. You'll know with ma ass sleeping over with Riles I be sounding like his ass now and he be saying shit like 'cute' and fucken 'adorable' behind closed doors all the damn time." I see her roll her eyes, take the bite, and then we all start laughing.

After we walk upstairs, wash up for the night, extend the new futon sofa bed we were able to fit into my sister's room, and put it next to the bed so it's just one big bed now, I hear Ming say, "So music or movies?" I hear Lauren say, "Can we listen to that playlist you two have on Cin bear's favorite show?" I smile at my sister, see Ming hand the control to my sister and see her find her playlist for all her Samurai Champloo music on the Plex account that warm brain set up for our house a few weeks ago. I hear 'Shiki no Uta' start and can't help but exhale and smile, having heard my sister and friends doing the same thing. I will always love my space cowboy but there is just something about Champloo's music.

I see the room get dark, with just the light coming from the TV, hear her light footsteps as she comes back and feel her crawl over Lauren and me and get in between Ming and myself. I feel Lauren's head on my shoulder and feel myself relax. I texted him goodnight already and I still miss him a little, but this, this part, where we all lay down and look up at my sister's ceiling listening to music or an old movie we've all watched, and just talking until one of us falls asleep is one of my most favorite moments ever. I also know how we sleep kind of means something. I know Lauren likes putting her head on my shoulder because she likes feeling like I'm her older sister to and I know my sister will always sleep on my other shoulder, but I also know Ming likes sleeping on my little sister's shoulder because she feels like my little sister is her older sister. It's nice, how we all fit like this. And, I think it's funny how we kind of mesh the boys like this. Like how even though Ming sees my little sister as her older sister, it's Lauren's Hiro and my little sister's Riles that are almost like best friends and it's my maroon's and Ming's dreadlocks that are also like best friends. I exhale, thinking about this warm mesh of amazing people and how lucky I am to be part of them. I feel my smile get bigger feeling my sister's arms going around my arm.

Then I hear Ming's quiet voice, "Why don't you'll ask ever 'bout that dick and how come I never slept over his house but how I'm sleeping over Michael's after dating for only a month?" I feel my eyes open and hear that voice to my left say, with a bit more confidence now, "Because Mimi that jerk doesn't matter and we know you didn't sleep over because you didn't trust him." I hear the exhale to my right and hear my little sister say, "And we knows that dick probably asked your ass to sleep over but you were smart enough to not even ask your folks." I feel a warm hand, as small and strong as my little sister's, come over my shoulder, grab my left shoulder, and then I hear the sniffles. I hear the shuffling, feel my sister's warmth leave my side, feel Ming's warmth with her lavender lotion next to me now, so I turn, hug her, feel sister's hand on my shoulder as she hugs Ming from the other side, and feel Lauren turn and put her hand over my stomach and know she's holding Ming's hand.

I hear the sniffles and hear Ming's small voice say, "I hate that he's here. I hate that Michael's ex is here. I just want us to be here together, without some dick and some stupid bitch that looks at our table during lunch, thinking now that they know what they lost they can just come back and ask for it, like we were gonna wait for their asses. And I just really, really, like Michael. I like that I'm the first girl that's ever called him that and he said he wants me to be the only girl that ever calls him that. I like that he's the first guy I'ma sleep over with and I know he's gonna wait for me cuz that's just how he is and how he's making it like me sleeping over is like a fucken slumber party with movies and popcorn and maybe just kissing, if I want to, because he respects my ass and wants me to trust him. And I like how when I told him that night that my folks wanted to talk to him before they let me sleep over, he told me to give the phone to my dad, gave it to him, and when I got the phone back Michael asked me to pick up his assignments from his classes the next day cuz he was gonna miss school to spend the whole fucken day with my mom and dad. And he told me to tell his teachers if they asked to tell them that he was spending the day with my folks cuz they all know that I'm his girlfriend." I hear her stop, exhale, and I can hear her losing the battle with her breathing as the sniffles turn into tears. I hug her tighter and put my head on her shoulder and feel my little sister and Lauren moving in closer. I hear Ming continue, "And I really like how all we do is kiss and he doesn't care. How he knows more about my ass than my ex or any other guy I talked to ever has, cuz he wants to fucken know, he wants to know. Like he don't ever get bored either. He just lets me talk and remembers what I said and then sometimes when he talks about his mom I just, I just." I hear her stop, exhale, inhale, and hear her say more clearly, "I just hug him and tell him he can tell me anything he ever wants and feel however he needs to feel about his mom not being here cuz that's his mom and he can feel lonely and it be okay cuz that just makes him who he is and I like who he is." I hear her exhale and hear her say, "That's why I'm sleeping over his house and I never did with that dick even though I was with him for too damn long. Cuz Michael is different and I trust him and my dad really trust his ass and my mom thinks he's fucken sweet and really, really damn cute." I smile, hear my sister and Lauren snickering, hear Ming laugh over her sniffles now, and hear her say, "And when I got home yesterday, met him at my door, gave him his assignments, and kissed him, he told me my folks were waiting inside and to call him after talking to them. Didn't even prep my ass. Just kissed me and told me to just listen to whatever they say because they love me. Then he left." I hear her exhale, feeling her shoulders move with that long exhale, and hear her say, "I walked in, saw my folks in the living room and they both smiled at me. Then they told me to sit down and told me I could start sleeping over his house starting this weekend. But just Saturday nights cuz I think they taking advise from your mama."

We all laugh and hear my sister say, "Wells that works out nice Mimi cuz that way we have this slumber party or whatever the fuck you call it so we can finally chill just in our little crew and our mama can spend time with our pops." We all laugh, probably remembering how cute it was when my sister called Leo 'pops' two weeks ago in front of school when he was picking up the guys because he had closed his store early to spend time with them, and how big his smile got. My sister can make anyone smile. Then I hear Lauren say, "Well I think at least for now I'm happy with our little rooftop, but maybe soon, if my parents are okay with it, and I know they really like Hiro and trust him to, I'll be seeing you there on Saturday nights Mimi." I feel my eyebrow lift and then hear my little sister say, "Give you another month befor' your ass gets tired of that and starts sleeping over just so you two can make out befor' knocking the fuck out." I smile, knowing my sister doesn't lie, feel Lauren put her face into my shoulder as her face gets warm, and hear her whisper, "Best friends ever." I smile, feeling my head get heavier on Ming's shoulder, and whisper, "And we'll always take care of each other." I hear my sister say, "And we'll punk anyone that ever tries messing with anyone of us," followed by Ming's whisper, "I'm so happy we moved here." I smile and say, "Us too Mimi."

We all say goodnight and dream. We dream big, small, wonderful dreams. We just dream.

* * *

I hope he likes it. It's a different kind but they didn't have the ones he likes at the store and I had to get the other brand. I move his math book over to cover his journal and say, "You know I don't care Mimi's. He can be there and do whatever he wants. He knows just as long as he doesn't talk about you he won't leave with a bruise." I hear her laugh, see the bag squished in in the back and hope the sandwiches are okay, and hear Ming say, "I wanna see that shit if it ever happens but I also don't want you getting in trouble Jazzy." I put the bag on top of his math book, start putting my books from my first two periods in, and say, "Don't worry okay. Anyways." I stop, feel my lips twist, and say, "I think he knows to not mess with me after that last time I yelled at him." He hasn't even turned around since that day. I hear Ming's laugh again and then hear her say, "Love you Jazzy." I smile, pull the bag out of the locker, and say, "So where is your cuddle bear anyways?" I turn back to her, see her blushing, and can't help but snicker, knowing they probably did lots of that on Saturday.

I hear Ming say, "He was gonna hang out with his uncle and brother and maybe show up late, like after lunch." I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "So both Caes and Hiro aren't here?" She says, "Yeah. During breakfast yesterday his uncle said he needed their help at the store today, just for like a few hours, so they might have to show up late to school but I think it's more like he wanted to spend time with those two at the store." I see her smile get bigger, knowing that smile, and I ask, "Mimi, why are you smiling like that? Anything else happen?" I see her look down, see her put her hair behind her ear, something I notice she does when she's happy, and she says, "Yeah. It was kinda nice that when I wanted to leave right after having breakfast, you know cuz one, I didn't wanna overdue my stay and shit, two, I knew he spent time with his family on Sunday and three, I had told my folks I would be home by noon, Michael kept telling me that I should stay longer to just hang out cuz he was gonna be with his uncle and Hiro today and he wanted to spend more time with me. So." I see her look back up at me, blushing, and she says, "I called my folks and asked them if I could stay until the afternoon and they told me to stay as long as I want to cuz they trust me and know Michael after that day last week." I feel my smile seeing how happy she is, close the locker, and say, "Well let's go because I think our friends, minus two making it a less fun lunch, are waiting for us." I see her smirk, turn, and I turn.

Then I feel my heart skip seeing that tall figure walking our way. I just saw him an hour ago when he dropped me off at my second period and we've been dating for months, so why does it still feel like this when he's walking towards me? And how does he look that good walking up to us in those dark gray converse, dark blue jeans, and his new black t-shirt with the Fight the Power Public Enemy white logo in the front? I feel my cheeks getting warm knowing he let me give him another gift and he's wearing it to school, like his sweater. I exhale. It's almost like he wants the world to know we're together by wearing those gifts, even if it's Huey Freeman and he'll never say it. I feel my smile.

I hear Ming say, "I think my dreads texted your afro that he wasn't gonna be here to walk us to the cafeteria." I smile at that tall boy that I know smells like Irish Spring soap and say, "Those guys worry way too much." I smell Ming's lavender lotion as she puts her head on my shoulder and I hear her say, "You know Jazzy, I think those two gonna be best friends for a long ass time." I feel my cheeks getting even warmer seeing those reds looking at me and I whisper, "That means, if they keep being the worrywart boys they are, we're gonna have to deal with their overprotectiveness together Mimi." I feel Ming's arms going around my left arm and can't help but feel my smile get bigger seeing that afro swaying with those long steps. That hair I get to put my hand in to help him sleep every Saturday night. That hair that only I know how soft and tangled and curly it really is. That hair that I see other girls looking at as he passes them. I hear my exhale and roll my eyes. I mean he doesn't ever look at those girls, which still confuses me, but I also like that he's always just looking at me, even when all I'm wearing is yellow high top converse, dark skinny jeans, and a yellow cropped balloon sleeve knit sweater with my hair down and fluffy like I like it. It's my grandma's hair and it needs to be down sometimes. I mean I know he likes the braids but I also know he stares even more when I have it down. Then, I inhale, seeing a girl taking a step up to him, see her look at me, I squint my eyes and don't know what else she sees, but then she exhales and turns away. I exhale, knowing I don't get in fights at school, but for my boyfriend and friends I will. And, at least it's better now. I feel my exhale longer this time. It has gotten better with less girls looking at him, but did the school have to find out? I mean I don't care but I don't like people talking about our relationship, talking about us at all. I mean how did they even find out I'm sleeping at his house. I inhale. Michelle.

_I say, "Okay, well hopefully I can figure out the box ones because they look really pretty on you." I hear her say, "Yeah. I love them. But I wanna see how it looks on you if you're using your natural hair the whole way through. Just practice on the weekend on your sister's hair even it isn't as thick as ours." I smile, hearing her say 'ours', happy she's accepted my black side for a part of me I love. I stop at my class, readjust my backpack, turn to her, and say, "But do you think I should leave it down or do something with it?" I see her look at my face, go up to my hair, back down to my face, smile at me, and she says, "You cute no matter what, but I think you should do your own thing with it, like those nice two buns you do sometimes." I smile back and say, "Okay, I'll do my own thing with it. Thanks again Lena. Oh! I wanted to ask before I go in, how are things going with Phil?" I see her look away, blush, feeling my smile get bigger, and hear her say, "We went to that mini golf course in downtown and then he took me to the movies. It was nice. He was." I see her stop, look back at me, look down, and I hear her say, "Really nice." _

_I say, "Known him since we were ten and he's always been a nice guy." I think I'll let her figure out that she might end up being his very first girlfriend because he's so shy even though girls have always looked at him, especially now that he's on a sports team. I see her look up at me, look away, purse her lips, and I feel my eyebrow rise. Then I hear her say, "Thank you for introducing us. He's really, really cute, and really nice. Like more than any guy I've ever met. And, we, you and I, we started off bad but you been super cool since." I close my eyes, bring my arm around her shoulders, bring her in, hug her, and say, "Lena. You're my friend now. Yes, you met Huey first but I think we're closer." I hear her laugh into my shoulder, feel her arm come around, hug me, and hear her say, "Yeah. One time bumping into him in the hallway and I remembered why I talked so much those times we hung out. He's so depressing Jazzy. I don't know how you handle that every day." I laugh, let go, and say, "He's not that depressing, just, you know, realistic." I see her eyebrow rise and I laugh harder. I see her smirk and she says, "Well I prefer a nice guy that doesn't think the world's gonna end tomorrow and the government's behind it." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Reaganomics and crack?" I see her smirk and she says, "You don't lie girl." I shake my head, smile, and say, "Don't be late." I see her smile, remember how much she smiles at me now, see her nod, and she turns to keep walking down the hallway to her fif__th__ period. I feel my smile get bigger not believing she's so nice now then I turn and walk into my class._

_I see Ms. Reed behind her desk, say hi to her, walk to my desk and sit down. I start taking out my notebook and color pens, happy I bought them a few weeks ago, and then hear someone say, "Jazmine?" I look up, smile, and say, "Hi Michelle. Do you need a pen or something?" I see her purse her lips, squint, and I feel my eyebrow rise seeing her sit down in the seat in front of me__. I see her look at me and she __says, "So I wanted to tell you something I heard during my last period." I exhale and say, "Michelle, if it's gossip I really don't wanna know." I see her look away and hear her say, "Well what if it's about your boyfriend?" I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering she was one of the girls that was talking to Huey outside of school last year when I had that mini-meltdown, followed by me putting my forehead on my bestie's chest. I know she thinks he's at least cute. I exhale and say, "Michelle, I don't want to be rude because you're normally nice. But we've been classmates since last year and you know I didn't care about gossip back then and you know that now that he is my boyfriend I care even less okay." I see her look back at me, see her eyebrows lower, mad I think, and I feel my eyebrows rise. Maybe Huey is right about some people being able to switch personalities that fast. I see her exhale, roll her eyes, look back at me, and she says, "Of course you don't care because everyone knows you sleep over his house every weekend." I feel my eyes get big, feel my mouth open, see her look away, and hear her say, "Look, I don't even care Jazmine. I just know a lot of girls are mad because now they think you're keeping him to yourself by sleeping with him."_

_Oh God, Santa, and whoever gave me an awesome life. I can't help it. I start snickering, remembering how much my friends make me laugh at lunch, and then it turns into me laughing. I close my eyes and hear her say, "It's not funny Jazmine. Everyone at school thought he was with you because you were always together and he didn't get a chance to be with other girls but now the school thinks it's because of that." I stop, smile, and say, "Michelle. I know you think he's cute." I see her smirk disappear. I say, "So I know you're saying this because you want this to make me feel uncomfortable and maybe break up with him so people can stop talking about me." I see her eyebrows rise and open her mouth, not saying anything. I exhale and continue, "I'm only going to tell you so you can leave me alone." I inhale and say, "I don't care what the school says about me." I see her eyes squint and wonder why I ever thought she was nice. I say, "And really, the school doesn't know me or my family or my friends or my boyfriend. So I don't care if the school thinks that. What matters is that the people that are important to me know who I am and I know who I am." I do. I'm Jazmine Dubois. Daughter of a strong, independent woman, sister to a strong, beautiful basketball player, and friend and girlfriend to caring and amazing people._

_Then I hear, "Yo, that's my seat." I look up, see Cairo, see him look at me, and see that look again. He's been nice and respectful. It's been almost a month since the party and he's still being respectful and I'm happy about that. I give him a small smile, look back down at Michelle, and hear her mumble, "Even got him." I shake my head, look down, open my notebook, hear the chair in front of me move, and then hear steps as someone walks away. _

I hear Ming say, "Jazzy, you found out how the hell the school knows?" I feel that warmth next to me, protecting us, and say, "No. Honestly it's fine. It's just weird. It's like when they found out I could start dating, even if it wasn't true. I don't know. It just kind of feels like someone just decides to make up stuff and then it spreads in the school." I hear Ming say, "Don't worry about it then. We gonna find out who's been spreading rumors. Cuz even if you are sleeping over people shouldn't fucken know that." I nod, feel my lips twist, and squint my eyes looking at our table. I feel my inhale seeing that guy, grab her arm, hear her inhale, and hear her say, "The fuck that asshole doing there?" I see that broad back stand in front of us and hear that monotone voice say, "My brother and I can handle him. Stay behind me." I hear that exhale and hear her say, "I know. I know. Michael told my ass that when it comes to that asshole to just listen to you guys." I feel my smirk, tighten my hold on her arm and let those broad shoulders lead the way.

As we get close I hear my little sister say, "Leave you dick befor' any one of us kills you." I feel my smirk get bigger and then hear him say, "Look, I just want to talk to her." I see that tall afro stop and hear him say, "You don't have anything to say to anyone here or my friend's girlfriend. I do not want to break anyone's hand today. Leave." I feel my smile, hear their footsteps, and see my sister and Lauren come around Huey and stand in front of us. I see those smirks and can't help but feel happy knowing that guy's going nowhere near our friend.

I hear, "Look, Ming, I just need a minute, just a damn minute." I hear that inhale, hold her arm tighter, see my sister put her hand on Ming's shoulder, and hear Ming exhale. I hear Riley's voice say, "I'ma fucken kill you if you get near my friend's girl, who is also my girl's friend, so fucken leave you little bitch." I see Lauren put her arm on my sister's shoulder and see her smirk at my little sister. I see my sister smile that beautiful smile at our friend. I hear that guy say, "I just wanna fucken know why Ming! Why him and not me!" I hear her inhale, see Lauren put both her hands on Ming's shoulders and I hear her exhale again, I'm sure trying to relax. I hear Huey say, "Say one more fucken thing to my best friend's girlfriend and I will make you bleed today." I smile. I knew they were always best friends, just took a month of going to the same school for them to figure it out. I'll always be his best friend to but I want him to be close to Caesar and anyone else that helps him be happy. I hear that guy say, "Ming! I heard this weekend you," but I see Huey move up, fast, feel my eyes get big, not knowing he could be that fast from just standing still, and then hear that guy coughing. I look over a Ming, see her smirking at the ground, and I feel my smirk.

Then I hear a familiar voice say, "The fuck you doing here you piece a shit!" I look up, see those dreads and hear Ming say, "Michael!" I feel Ming squirming and I hear my sister say, "Mimi let them handle this shit!" I hear her inhale and hear her say, "Girls you gotta let me go!" I hold her down and I say, "Mimi, the guys can handle him and he doesn't deserve to be this close to you." I see her inhale, shaking, and see her look down. I hear Lauren say, "Mimi, look at me and remember what we talked about this weekend and how much you trust us." I see Ming look up at Lauren, see her eyes open, exhale, and close her eyes. I feel her stop shaking, so I let go and put my arm around her shoulders. I feel her relax. I look down and smile seeing my little sister holding Ming's hand.

I hear another voice say, "What is happening here!" I close my eyes, hear a few inhales, and know that voice. Then I hear that guy that won't leave my friend alone say, "Fuck you and fuck all of you! I can do whatever the fuck I want and I'm gonna fucken talk to her!" I exhale, remembering Ming telling us he probably didn't move here through the program but because his family has money. That's why he thinks he can just get her back. He thinks with the money his family has he can have her just because. I squeeze her shoulders and hear her exhale again.

I hear that counselor say, "Now Mr. Mazzucato we do not speak like that in this school so I suggest you stop that right now." I open my eyes, look over to my left, pass those dreads, see that counselor, inhale, not believing this, and before I can stop myself I say, "You cannot be serious." I see that counselor look at me and he says, "About what Ms. Dubois?" I close my eyes, exhale, remembering what he said the first day of the program, remember I am not on any sports team and I am not okay with how he treats some students at this school, open my eyes, look back at that counselor, and say, "Mr. Leon, that jerk just cursed at everyone here, including you, and you've sent other students to the principal's office for far less, but only if they were black and you thought their parents wouldn't show up to accuse you of being racist." Some of those students told me afterwards what happened. Too many students, black students always, and parents that couldn't show up. They told me how they just started at this school through the program and now they have a mark on their record because of this counselor and how that mark will make it difficult to get into AP classes next year. They told me how he sent them to the principal's office just because they were running late to class, how he knew they were at this school through the program, and how their parents don't have the money to just leave work and come sit there and defend them. The money the program gave them only covers their tuition for this school and books and supplies and there's some help for their housing, but not a lot. They made me realize even though mom is raising us to be happy with just what we have, we really are lucky she's an attorney and makes good money and she can leave work and come defend us when we've gotten in trouble. They helped me see how lucky my sister and me really are to have mom. And, they helped me see how mean and racist this counselor is. I know he knows I'm part black but I think he doesn't bother me as much as the other full black students because he knows who my mom is. But, I also know mom would not be okay with how this counselor treats some of those students who are just happy to be at this good school and have this opportunity. And I know if I'm there I will always try to defend people just like mom did for the homeless by the shelter.

I see that counselor squint his eyes at me and I squint my eyes back, waiting to see if he'll lie telling me I'm wrong or send me to the principal's office. Then, I hear Hiro's voice, I think next to Riley say, "So you only like sending black kids up there you piece a shit?" I see Lauren inhale so I grab her shoulder. I see that counselor look towards where I think Hiro is standing but I can't see because of Huey and Caesar standing in front of us, and he says, "You are out of line Mr. Otomo and I suggest you also watch your language." I hear an inhale and then I hear Hiro say, "Nah, you see I don't fucken care. You can send my ass up there after my brother finishes this shit but I got a feeling you won't be sending me nowhere just cuz I ain't as black as my brother or my friends or my hot ass girl who is the hottest girl at this bullshit of a school, so how bout you fuck off and let us finish this shit." I look at Lauren and feel my smile, seeing her smiling and completely red. I have a feeling they'll be going to their rooftop after this.

I hear Mr. Leon say, "Mr. Otomo, you will not speak to me," but I hear Hiro cut him off with, "And I ain't gonna remind you, cuz I know you probably looked at all our records, but that record I got is only that fucken clean cuz of the family I got and they don't need money to make your life hell, so walk away now." I see Lauren smirk, feeling my eyes get big, remembering they spend a lot of time alone and I know they talk and she knows a lot more about him than any of us girls know. I feel my smirk, knowing even after everything she knows about him she still calls him 'her Hiro'.

I look back, see that counselor inhale, look away, and turn, walking away. I hear an inhale and then Caesar's voice say, "I saw that punch you got but I will fuck you up a second time and I promise you will not be coming back tomorrow or any other fucken day." I hear Ming swallow and I squeeze her shoulder again. I hear that guy say, "I just wanna know why the fuck I waited until high school and she never fucken slept over my house but one fucken month and I hear she's fucken sleeping with your black ass." I look back at Ming, see her eyes open, and hear her say, "What?" I look at my sister and Lauren, see them looking at me with confused faces, and then hear Caesar say, "You don't gotta know shit about what my girl does. You don't even fucken know her name no more. Now you leaving right now cuz next time you say anything about my girl I will break your fucken face." I hear that inhale, look at Ming, thinking she's scared and see her looking at those dreads, smirking. I feel my eyebrow rise, feeling this weird happy feeling knowing, I think, we all fit really well, almost perfectly, with each one of our boyfriends.

I hear an inhale, hope that guy is smarter than he acts because I don't want my friends getting in a fight and getting in trouble, and then hear steps as someone is walking away. After a few seconds, I hear Caesar's voice say, "Hey." I look over at him, see him looking at Ming and I feel my smile. I let go of my friend, see Lauren smile, step to the side, turn, and walk towards where I heard Hiro's voice. I see Ming step up and look up at Caesar. I exhale, look away to give them privacy, feel that warmth around my hand, feel the pull, and follow those broad shoulders to our lunch table.

We all eat and then I hear Riley say, "I 'on't even know why you girls care 'bout that shit." I see my sister look up at him, see her eyebrow rise, and hear her say, "Riles cuz it's just not alright that they be knowing about ma sis and now Mimi. It's just fucken weird." I see Riley's eyebrow rise, see him smirk down at my sister, and he says, "What's fucken weird is those names you be giving each other." We look at each other, smile, and then hear Riley say, "Not saying it's bad and shit. You can call each other whatever you want, just saying you all weird." We all laugh, knowing Riley is the only one that can make everyone laugh always.

After we all stop laughing I hear Lauren say, "I mean it would be good just to know how the school is finding out. I mean we're all pretty private about our relationships and I know none of us talks to anyone about it. And." I hear her stop so I look over and see her put her head on Hiro's shoulder. I see him bend down, kiss her head, feel my smile, and then I hear her continue, "It's kind of causing problems now even if you guys can handle anyone at this school." I feel my smile get bigger seeing Hiro smirking down at her. I exhale, look forward, putting my head on his strong shoulder, close my eyes, and say, "We should figure it out. I don't like people talking about us because we're all so happy and I want to keep it that way." I feel that warm hand over my jean skirt and feel my cheeks getting warm. I smile, not caring how red I'm getting as long as it's his hand. I hear that exhale, feeling his shoulders move with it, and hear that monotone voice I only get to hear talk as much as I want when we're alone say, "Do any of you talk between yourselves during class?" I feel my inhale, knowing he's trying to help, and can't help but feel happy he cares.

After a few seconds of silence, hearing him breathing, I hear my sister's sweet voice say, "Fuck." I open my eyes, look at my sister, see her looking at Ming, see Ming's eyes open and hear Ming say, "You think Cin bear?" I hear Riley say, "Who I need to fuck up?" I see my sister turn to Riley, see her smirk at him, go up, kiss his chin, feeling my mouth open, see Riley lower his eyebrows looking at my sister, and he says in a low voice, "Cin." I hear her say, "Ah, you liked it Riles and calm the fuck down. Ain't no one you gotta fuck up. We'll take care of that shit." I see her look at me, purse her lips, and she says, "Gotta make sure, but we think we know who." I hear Lauren say, "Wait. You two got homeroom together with." I feel my eyes squint and see my sister nod at me. I exhale, remembering Ming has homeroom with my sister now. She could've moved into Caesar's but she said she wanted to let him keep having homeroom with Hiro and not be there taking his attention from his brother. She likes her 'Michael' so much. So, now Ming has homeroom with my sister and that other girl. I inhale, look over at the table where the team hangs out, feel my eyebrow rise seeing Caesar's ex sitting next to Miranda, and exhale seeing the other girl sitting on Miranda's other side. Really? She seemed so nice. I see that girl look over here, see her look away, and I shake my head. I look back at my sister, nod, and see her exhale. I hear Riley say, "Cin?" I see her look back at him, smile, and hear her say, "Promise ain't no one you wanna fuck up. Let us girls take care of this one." I see Riley exhale, look over at the table where the team is, and inhale. I look over at that table, see Miranda looking over here and wonder why she's not paying attention to Caesar's ex that's talking to her. I hear an inhale, look back at Riley, see him smirking down at my little sister, and I feel my smile seeing her hand on his stomach. I know they're not very affectionate in public because they don't have to be. They just are who they want to be. I also think Riley and Huey are really similar in a lot of ways, like in how they don't like needy people and need their space. I feel that warm hand squeeze my leg and wonder if my bestie knows he puts his hand on my leg almost every day. I smile, put my hand under the table, over his hand, and intertwine my fingers between his. I inhale, feeling him move his thumb over my index finger, reminding me of our first date. Then I feel my smirk seeing Riley bring his arm behind my little sister's back, hear some girls at the nearby table say 'fuck, still', and I roll my eyes are their immaturity.

Then I see Riley look at Hiro, see that smirk, knowing he's going to be Riley and make everyone laugh, and hear him say, "And why the fuck you tell that piece a shit counselor you ain't as black as us? The fuck, you blacker than I am."

I laugh with all my friends, put my head on his shoulder, feeling happy feeling him squeeze my leg with each bite he takes of that last sandwich. I smile knowing he likes that brand of jalapenos to.

* * *

Hi everyone,

So that's it for this chapter ONLY because I wanted to post it before continuing (and of course then I can really dive into the next one and not shortchange it). It kinda feels like a cliffhanger but it's not meant to be that. And I think everyone's cool for now and we will know more in the next chapter. I also understand this was all one person's POV and I don't usually like doing that but it had to be, but do not feel gypped, there will be more of the other's (afro man) POV soon. Promise.

Please let me know how you all felt about this.

Thank you,

Bulma's Ego (Black Jesus LOL I almost put ma real name again).


	28. Gossip, getting blamed, and 'helping'

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

SPECIAL THANKS to John Witherspoon / Grandad. You will be missed. I loved Friday and that's where I was introduced to that man's hilariousness. Thank you for bringing so much laughter into this world.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: I will die with all these ships to! Makes two of us fo' sure! Thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to read and comment 😊

ThickBlackGirl: Yeah I love that friendship to. The hiding places are adorable to. I knew some people in high school that had those kind of spots so yeah, I can totally see people doing that. And Hiro, man. What can I say about Hiro? I've read so many stories that had him as a side character (even killed him off in some), same with other characters in the boondocks world, and I just think they all deserve more say, so hopefully we will learn more about him. And yeah, just out of ma own experience, there are some pretty crazy mafia-like Asian gangs out there and I can realistically see someone like Hiro existing.

WARNING TO ALL YOU'LL: Right after where the thought ends with "it's going to be a long, hard night for me" (you'll see the bar that will give you forewarning) there will be some over PG-13 (I guess) related stuff going on. If you all don't want to read that, just skip over to where it starts "I open the door, walk in, close it behind me, and exhale, seeing that thick blonde afro" (again, you'll see the bar that shows the scene is ending). Everyone's still pretty young so nothing much, but something. But if you do enjoy the scene, you'll can let me know to 😊.

CHAPTER 28:

I exhale, push the door, and walk in. I see her look up, look down at the sink, and hear her say, "Hey Jazmine." I inhale, smile, and say, "Hi Sam. Haven't talked to you in a while. How you been?" I walk up to the mirror, turn the nob, and start washing my hands. I hear her say, "You know, good. Just, you know, hanging out." I hear her swallow. I close my eyes, open them, turn the nob to turn off the water, remember why I'm here, what my friends need me to do, and say, "Sam, we know it was you." I hear her say, "What?" I exhale, look up at the mirror, see her eyes are open and big, and I say, "We know you've been spreading the rumors." I see her look away, see her eyebrows lower, and hear her say, "I don't even know what you're talking about." I inhale and say, "Look Sam the reason I'm here alone is because they're really hurt and don't want to ask you themselves because you're supposed to be their friend." I see her exhale, turn, see her take a step, and I say, "Fine. You don't have to tell me Sam. Just know Ming didn't deserve that and they're just not going to talk around you anymore. That's all I wanted to say. I hope you had a good reason for telling people about our relationships because you really hurt a good person and I at least won't ever be okay with you after that." I shake my head, turn, grab the paper towel to dry my hands, exhale, start walking, drying my hands as I get to the door and then hear her say, "I didn't spread the rumors Jazmine." I exhale, close my eyes, and say, "Whenever we have barbecues you'll always be welcomed but just know you hurt her and I don't think anyone of us will be okay with talking about anything about ourselves around you." I open my eyes, throw the paper towel in the trash by the door, put my hand on the door, and hear her say, "It wasn't me Jazmine I swear." I exhale and say, "Sam, you sit behind them during homeroom. You heard them talking probably a few times and they thought they could trust you, not thinking you would do that. And because of that a really mean guy that doesn't deserve to be around my friend came looking for her, telling her stuff he shouldn't be saying to any girl. I'm not here to even tell you that, but I liked you. You seemed nice and you're on the team. It just hurt that it was because of someone close to my sister and friends that that jerk knows anything about her and her relationship." I push the door open, take a step out, and hear her say, "Wait Jazmine!" I exhale, turn back, step back into the restroom, see her looking down, and hear her say, quietly, "I'm sorry. They made me. Please, I didn't mean to hurt anyone and I didn't know that guy was going to go look for Ming. I like Ming. I didn't mean it." I exhale, see her looking down still, and say, "Then apologize." I see her look up, swallow, and she says, "But will they even be okay with me saying I'm sorry? I mean I heard that guy screaming at her and now I know why they've been quiet around me and Ming probably hates me." I exhale and say, "Sam, Ming doesn't hate you. She just wants to know why." I see her look away, exhale, and she says, "I can't. I won't say anything else and I'll apologize, but I can't tell her why."

My little sister thinks I'm good with people but I don't think so, but right now, looking at Sam, her short blonde hair, bright brown eyes, and how much fun we were having at the last barbecue and how much I don't want to have my sister's team fall apart, I say, "Sam." I see her swallow, still looking away, probably scared. I exhale and say, "I don't want my sister to keep feeling bad about her team but I can't do anything about that. I don't want that look on her face whenever she thinks about the team but I don't know what do to about it. The only thing I can do is remind her that she's an amazing sister and friend and that I'll always love her. But I can't stop things from hurting her. I can't stop people from wanting to hurt her just because. And when you said that about Ming." I see her look back at me, see her eyes are watery, and I say, "You didn't only hurt Ming, who's a really good friend of mine, but you also hurt my sister, Lauren, and me." I see her look down again and I say, "So you did hurt my sister by hurting her friends and I don't know why you did that. But I can't stop that either. I can't stop any of that but I can tell you that I hope whatever reasons you had for doing that to them were big enough to lose all of us as friends even though I just can't see there being any good reason for what you did." I see her look up at me again and I say, "Goodbye Sam." I turn and hear her say, quietly, "You girls wouldn't understand." I stop, look back, see her looking down, and see tears on her cheeks. I feel my eyes open, walk up to her, see her look up at me with watery eyes and tears, and I say, "What's wrong Sam? What wouldn't we understand? I'm sure we can help, but you have to tell us what's wrong first." I see her sniffle and hear her whisper, "I just can't Jazmine. I'm sorry." I exhale, see the tears continue down her face, feeling something's really wrong, open my arms, and hug her. I feel her shaking and feel her arms coming around me and I let her cry.

* * *

I send the text, look back at Sam, see her looking at the ground, and hear her say, "Are you sure they'll be okay with me after this?" I feel my smile and say, "Sam." I see her look at me with red eyes still and I say, "I know my sister and my friends and they'll understand but be honest okay." I see her exhale, nod, and then we hear the door open. I look up, see those two beautiful braids I love walk in, followed by Ming's long black bouncy layers, hear the door close, and then see Lauren's dark pretty hair. I look back at Sam, sitting on the floor with me, looking down, and I exhale. I look back at my sister and friends, see them exhale and I feel my smile, knowing even though they don't know why she did it, they still don't hate her. I feel my smile getting bigger seeing them all sit on the floor.

Then I hear my sister say, "Sam. What's going on?" I look back at Sam, see her inhale, look up, and hear my sister and friends exhale seeing her red eyes. I see Ming grab Sam's hand and hear her say, "Sam, you okay?" I see Sam's tears start again, see her look down, and hear her say, "I'm sorry Ming. I'm so sorry. I saw and I didn't want to tell them but they made me and I saw, I saw that guy and how he screamed at you. I'm so sorry Ming." I see the shaking of her shoulders, see Lauren scoot next to her, put her arm around her shoulder, and she says, "Sam, what's happening? Why are you crying?" I see my little sister's hand come up and grab Sam's other hand and hear that sweet voice say, "Sam, you look at me." I see Sam look up at my sister, see her exhale, sniffling, and after a few seconds she says, "Miranda told me that if I didn't spy on you two and tell her anything I heard she would get me kicked off the team." I hear a few inhales and then I hear my sister say, "I can't fucken believe that shit. I don't even care why she doing it but what the fuck is her problem and why the fuck she bringing you'll into this shit?" I see Sam exhale, look down, and she says, "I don't know Cin. She just told me to tell her anything I heard you two talk about and didn't tell me how she was gonna use what I told her but I figured it out a little while ago. I'm so sorry Cin. I was just so scared of getting kicked off the team because I love it so much." I hear my sister say, "Sam." I see Sam look up and then hear my sister say, "Your ass should'a come to us and tol' us. You know just cuz she captain don't mean shit. She can't just get you kicked off the team cuz her ass feels like it. It's majority rule and we wouldn't let that shit happen cuz we know you're a good damn player."

I see Sam close her eyes, look down, and see her shaking. I hear Ming say, "She's right Sam. And don't worry about what happened that day. That dick don't have a say in how I feel. I'm happy as fuck and what happened that day don't change shit." I feel my smile, see Sam look up, exhale, see her breathing slowly, and she says, quietly, "Really Ming. You're not mad?" I look over at Ming, see her smirk, and she says, "I'm just mad that stupid piece a shit knows anything about my ass but I'm not mad at you knowing fucken Miranda forced your ass to tell her and she's the one spreading those damn rumors." I hear an inhale, look back at Sam, see her look down, and see her eyes are wide open. I feel my eyebrow rise, not sure what's wrong if she told them and they're not mad, like I knew my friends wouldn't be. I hear Lauren say, "Sam, what's wrong? You told us and we told you we don't care, we just wanted to know why you did it and you'll never get kicked off the team as long as most of the girls know you're a good player." I see Sam exhale, look back at my sister, and after a few seconds she says, "Cin, are you bi?"

I feel my eyes open, look back at my sister, see her eyes are open, and I remember that blue I love so much, and how much I know she doesn't like being labeled as anything, whether that's white, bi, or anything else. She's just my Cindy. So I say, "She's just my little sister and she's anything she wants to be." I see Sam look at me with wide eyes and then I hear Ming say, "She just Cin bear." I smile and hear Lauren say, "She's anything she is as long as she's always our Cin bear." I see Sam look back at Lauren, look back down, and then hear my sister say, "Sam." I see Sam look up at my sister and then I hear my sister say, "I'm with Riles but that's because he's the best and what I want and I couldn't give two shits what he is long as it's Riles." I see Sam exhale longer and she says so quietly it's hard to hear, "I am." I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, and after a few seconds I hear my friends' wonderful laugh. And I can't help but start laughing with them.

After we all stop laughing I look back at Sam, see her eyes are big, see her smile appear, and hear her say, "So you all don't care about that?" I say, "Why Sam? As long as you're happy what does it matter?" I see her look at me, see her exhale, see her eyes are luckily dry now and she says, "So you think if the school found out they would care?" I hear Lauren say, "And what if they did? That just makes them dumb and ignorant." I see Sam look at Lauren, then look back down, exhale at the ground, see her look back at me, purse her lips, and she says, "Miranda wasn't the only one that I had to tell stuff to." I feel my eyebrow rise, I'm sure looking confused, and before I can ask, she says, "Ashley found out I was bi when she saw me kissing my girlfriend last month and we had been trying to keep it a secret, only because I didn't want the school to know I am bi, and then Ashley told me if I didn't tell her anything I heard about you in class she would tell the whole school."

I exhale, look back at my little sister, remember her looking at me that day when she was thinking about dating a girl to not think about how much she liked her best friend, how lost she looked and how much I love she felt that comfortable with me to tell me, and see those big blue eyes. I exhale, look back at Sam, lean in, hug her, and say, "Sam. I'm sorry you went through that. And, honestly, really, I don't care that the school knows about anything that happens with me and Huey, I just don't like people using that to hurt my friends." I pull away, see her looking down, smiling, and I say, "So, Ashley and anyone else can say anything they want about me because as long as I have my friends and family I don't care okay." I hear Ming say, "So it's Miranda talking 'bout all of us and that stupid hoe Ashley that spreading other stupid rumors about our Jazzy and her afro." I exhale, look away, wondering why Ashley is like that with me and Huey. I mean it's our relationship.

I hear an inhale, look up, see my sister standing, feel my eyes get big, move up, hug her around her waist, and say, "No sis!" I feel her squirming and I close my eyes, feel a set of arms over mine, and hear Ming say, "Cin! Calm down! We'll figure this shit out but we gotta stay calm!" I hear my sister saying, "Let me go Sis! Mimi! I'ma fuck up both those bitches! Miranda for fucken talking about my Mimi's and that other stupid hoe for saying anything about ma sis! The fuck wrong with that stupid bitch!" I hold tighter and say, "Please sis! I don't want you getting in trouble!" I feel the squirming, knowing we're about to lose with how strong she really is and wonder if I can call Huey and Riley fast enough to stop her. Then I feel my sister sit back down and hear her say, "Laurie let my ass go!" I hear Lauren say, "Cin bear! We need you! The team needs you! You go after them then it's gonna be us and stupid Miranda that doesn't know how to even be captain or lead and we only listen to her during practice because you do!" I hear that exhale coming from her small body and I whisper, "The team makes you happy sissy. Please just calm down." I hear Ming's voice say, "And Cin bear, you go look for them and start a fight, you could get kicked off the team and suspended, and you won't be here when we make those two bitches regret they messed with us, specially that bitch that checked-out our guys that day you know cuz she a, what you call her Laurie, oh yeah, a sata." I feel my sister stop, hear the snickers, and I laugh with them.

After sitting back down, agreeing that we need to talk before anyone goes and beats up anyone, I hear my sister say, "It's just fucken weird that's all. All this shit. Like why the fuck Miranda acting like this, making people do things telling them she'll kick 'em off the team and then telling people about our relationships. Shit, it's been weeks since the party thing and I know she still looks sometimes during practice, which fucken pisses me off, but I thought she was gonna be done with me after she started seeing the Chi-Town bicycle." I hear that snicker and see Ming put her head on my little sister's shoulder. I smile, exhale, and say, "I saw her looking at our table that day that jerk came over when she should've been talking to that girl so I don't think she's completely over you sis." I hear Sam exhale and she says, "She isn't Cin, not even a little."

I look back at Sam, see her looking at my sister with pursed lips and she says, "I think starting tomorrow I'm gonna hang out at another table because I don't wanna be around Miranda anymore and you girls made me realize I am a good player and she doesn't have that kind of power and also that the school doesn't matter when it comes to who I like as long as I'm happy and I have my friends and my girlfriend." I see her smile at my sister, look down, nod, look back up at my sister and she says, "So I just wanna tell you about everything I know up to right now so you all can know how bad it really is and then you can all decide what you wanna do." I see Sam inhale and she says, "Miranda is still really mad about what happened at the party and thinks if you didn't have your sister and your friends there she would've been able to change your mind." I look at my sister, see her eyebrow rise, and she says, "Like I fucken ain't got a mind of my own man." I feel my smirk and hear Sam say, "Yeah. And the reason I know she's not over you is that whenever she looks at your table and we remind her that you have a boyfriend she gets really mean and tells us to shut up." I look back at Sam, see her shake her head, exhale, and she says, "So I think the reason she told the school about Ming sleeping at her boyfriend's house was to cause trouble, maybe so Ming would want to change schools. I don't know. Maybe thinking Ming is one of the reasons you won't date her."

I see Sam stop, squint her eyes, possibly thinking, and she says, "I don't know if this even matters but talking about Ming reminds me that I heard that guy's really mad about that whole thing that happened at lunch and he's been telling people he's her boyfriend from her last school and wants her back." I hear Ming inhale, look over, see my sister putting her hand on Ming's, and then I hear Sam say, "And now that I think about that, I do remember that guy now. Yeah. I do remember. He came to our table a few weeks ago and Miranda walked away with him. I guess maybe they walked away to talk about you Ming. Honestly, he just seems like a total dick and a little creepy." I see Ming look down and see Lauren put her hand on her shoulder. I exhale, remembering how happy Ming always looks when she's around Caesar and my sister. And, she's just like my little sister where she tries to hide when she's scared with indifference, like my sister did at the party when Miranda was looking at her. Thankfully, I know my little sister is never alone with Miranda now. I also know after that party my sister stopped showering at school after practice. Her and Riley just go home and she showers and changes at home. Sometimes, when she comes home, she still has that look on her face. The one she had at the party. So, when she does have that look, I hug her, even if she's sweaty, give her a kiss on her cheek and then push her into the restroom so she can shower. I can see that look on Ming's face right now. I exhale, stand up, hear my sister ask where I'm going, walk around them, sit behind Ming, hug her waist, and put my head on her back. I feel Ming sink down a bit and I smile. She's like my little sister in so many ways.

I hear Sam say, "You all remind me of my friends." I look up, put my head on Ming's shoulder, next to Lauren's hand, and hear my sister say, "What you mean?" I see Sam exhale and she says, "I use to hang out with other girls, my friends from last year, but when the season started this year and Miranda said the team should be hanging out together I decided to hang out with the team instead of my old friends. My friends said they understood because they knew I had to get along with the team and hanging out with them during lunch would help in that but I still miss them." I hear Lauren say, "Sam, if you are thinking about not hanging out at the team's table, then you should hang out with those old friends of yours. And don't you worry about the team. The girls on it, the ones that matter and are nice, will know you're still their friend even if you're not hanging out with them." I see Sam exhale, smile at Lauren, and she says, "Yeah. You're right. And." I see Sam look down, see her blush, and hear her say, "I also miss hanging out with my girlfriend at lunch. I miss her a lot sometimes." I hear my sister say, "So she come to this school?" I see Sam look up at my sister with that blush and she says, "Yeah. She hangs out with our old friends and she's really smart and really sweet and she just wants me to be happy so she told me to just hang out with her after school and whenever we go on dates and not worry about hanging out with her at lunch because she knows the team means a lot to me." I hear Ming say, "She sounds really nice Sam and you should be hanging out with her and your old friends. I mean, having friends like that is the fucken best and really I don't even know what I'd do if I couldn't pull on those dreads next to me every day for lunch." We all laugh, probably remembering Caesar telling his 'babe' that one of those pulls hurt yesterday.

I exhale, knowing it's almost that time of the week I get to touch that soft afro while we're alone and then hear Sam say, "Jazmine I gotta tell you more." I see her lips pursed and then she says, "It's about Ashley." I exhale and say, "It's okay Sam. I know. It's because she still likes Huey." I hear Sam inhale and say, "Yeah, everyone kind of knows about that but I think her thing with you know has to do with one of the guys that started through the program." I feel my eyebrow rise, see Sam exhale, smirk, shake her head, and she says, "You really don't know about this huh?" I feel my lips twist, not sure how to answer that.

I see her look away, purse her lips, possibly remembering something, look back at me, and she says, "She started seeing a guy from the program and then, I heard, after they slept together at Miranda's party he stopped talking to her." I hear my sister say, "So she being a hoe. How's that ma Jazzy's fault?" I see Sam look at my sister and she says, "It isn't, and really I think everyone knows this has nothing to do with your sister, and I really don't care either with how she treated me but even I feel bad when I see her trying to talk to that guy and see him walk away from her, not caring if it embarrasses her." I hear Lauren say, "I guess that does sound pretty bad but still, how is that even Jazzy's fault?" I see Sam look at Lauren, exhale, and she says, "I don't think it is but I think she blames Jazmine because of something I heard Ashley and her friends talking about when I was going to tell her about Jazmine and her boy." I see her stop and look away. I exhale and say, "Sam." I see her look at me and I say, "When you were going to tell her about me sleeping at my boyfriend's house. I know. It's okay. I know you only did it because she made you think who you are wasn't okay, like it should matter to anyone, so don't worry about me being mad okay." I feel my sister's hand on my back and I feel my smile. I see Sam exhale and she says, "Thanks Jazmine. So, yeah. I think she blames you about that guy not wanting to date her because I heard Ashley saying how she didn't understand why that guy was so into you if she was the." I see her stop, roll her eyes, and she says, "Hottest girl at this school. I mean whatever, my girl's way hotter." We all laugh.

After we stop laughing I see Sam smiling, exhale, and she says, "So, that day I heard her telling some of her friends that all she needed to do was tell that guy anything that would make you look like you're not so innocent because then he wouldn't care that she slept with him so soon and would maybe take her seriously or at least start talking to her again." I exhale and look away, now knowing even more than before that some guys are horrible. I mean, no matter what, he shouldn't have slept with her if he wasn't going to even talk to her after that, specially if he knew she wanted more. I'm still not sure exactly how this has anything to do with me, even if that guy liked me, but I do feel bad for her if she really liked him.

I hear Lauren say, "Didn't know so much happened at that party but now I know we shouldn't have gone." I hear a few exhales, put my hand on my little sister's leg, next to Ming's, and then hear Sam say, "Yeah. I left right after you girls did because of how Miranda was acting with Cin and because I knew the things that were going on upstairs." I feel my exhale, remembering that afro reading and how cute he looked and how stubborn he was being about me going to the restroom without him. I knew why he was being overprotective but it's still hard to hear those things were really happening upstairs. I hear Sam say, "But now that you all know everything I promise, starting now, I won't say anything to Miranda or Ashley no matter what and I think." I see her stop, see her smile at my little sister, and she says, "My family, I think like yours, loves me and supports me and I've been wanting to tell them Nicki's my girlfriend and not just my friend. So, after I surprise her at our old lunch table tomorrow I think I'll surprise her again when I introduce her to my parents as my girlfriend after she walks me home." I can't help but smile and then hear Lauren say, "Are you talking about Nicole Lauretto?" I see Sam smile at Lauren and she says, "Yeah. That's my girl." I hear my sister say, "She is hot homie." I hear the snickers, see Sam blush, and I say, "She really is pretty Sam and I remember she's really nice." I see Sam look at me, see her smile get bigger, and she says, "Yeah, she's also super smart. She's in the math and astrology club."

I hear Ming say, "Well, congrats Sam. And just so we can all restart the week right now, we are gonna start trusting you again cuz we know why you did it but remember you gotta trust us to and if Miranda or anyone else tries shit like that again, you come ask for help okay?" I see Sam's tears start, see her smile at Ming, and then hear Ming say, "But just one thing though." I see Sam's mouth open, I think worried, and then hear Ming say, "No matter who you with, if it's this girl Nicki, who sounds like she's worth it, wanting you to be happy telling you to hang out with the team instead of her and your old friends, you be proud of them and keep working your ass off on the team cuz that's how we roll alright." That's how they roll. I smile, knowing that's something Riley would say, but I know with my sister spending her Saturday nights with him she's starting to say things like that to, sounding like Riley, and with how close my sister and Ming are, Ming is starting to sound like my sister. I feel my head get heavy I think from happiness and put it on Ming's shoulder. I exhale, thinking about everything we know now. I still feel kind of bad for Ashley, no matter what she said about me. I mean it has to be hard to like someone, sleep with them, and then they just stop talking to you. I don't want to give her excuses but I can see why she's blaming others with how angry or sad or both she is. I wonder if I can do anything about this, maybe even help her feel better.

I see Sam exhale and smile at us, probably happy she doesn't have to hide this or who she is anymore, knowing at least my sister and our friends don't care. Then I see her eyes open, look at me, and she says, "I remember his name now. The guy that slept with Ashley and stopped talking to her and she thinks it's because he likes you, which still doesn't make sense to me, specially because I don't think I've ever seen you even talk to him." I exhale and say, "Sam I don't really," but she cuts me off with, "Cairo."

* * *

I see her smile up at me and she says, "Please?" I exhale, look up at the bun, and say, "Fine, but hurry." I look back down, see that smile, and hear her whisper, "Okay bestie." I shake my head, look up, and see him again. Second damn time this week. I exhale, see that fucken look again, and know I will beat him here to if he needs it to happen. I see him look at me, see that look, the one where he knows he's not touching her ever again unless he wants to have his hand broken. I also see fear and anger in that fucken look. Good. I inhale, look down at that small warm hand on my stomach, look up at that face, and she says, "Hey, everything's okay and." I see her stop, see that tint that exist on that short list on the first page of my journal, and she says, "It's almost Saturday night." I also now how to make that tint expand and cover all thirty-three freckles, but we have to be alone for that. So, I look back down at that dark pink, and say, "Hurry."

I see that smile, hear her close my locker, see her turn, see that slim neck, and hear her inhale, so I look up and see him still there, looking at her. I hear her exhale this time, see that bun get exactly a quarter inch taller, and feel my smirk, knowing even though that girl and this imbecile do not amount to the patience she gives them, she's not completely fine with what she knows now. I see her take a step up, feel my exhale, looking forward to the next hour before dealing with the rest of the day, and follow that pink shirt to that Janitor's room we haven't been to for five school days. She doesn't have to know I was going to drag her there if she didn't ask first.

* * *

I hear her say, "I mean why are guys like that? Why they can't just be serious with girls that really like them?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine are you saying all guys are like that and more so that women have nothing to say in the matter?" I feel that face go deeper into my neck and close my eyes, knowing this is the only time I do not feel that headache after stepping on school grounds and before leaving. I accept this is also the only time I enjoy being in school. What happens during lunch helps in many respects, but this, right now, is when I feel that enjoyment the most. Those 'feelings' I have yet to give description and names to. I exhale, accepting I actually enjoy things today. I still need more time for all of this, figuring out these 'feelings', but for now, I'll just swallow and let her continue writing over my shirt. She's on 'S' right now for Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman elected to the U.S. Congress. A strong black woman who also became the first black candidate for a major party's nomination for president of the United States. I inhale, realizing in the last few months I've stopped caring how and why I continue finding similarities between those strong women of my people and the girl sitting on my lap. As many things I've come to understand, those similarities just are.

I feel my smirk feeling the warmth of that tint on her face and hear her say, "Well not all guys are like that. You and are our friends aren't and I know us girls have a say in it but it has to be hard for other girls at this school when we have the best and cutest ones." I feel my face getting warm, exhale, hear that giggle, and say, "Jazmine what did I say about calling me that?" I feel that hand stop on 'X' for Malcom X, reminding me of the first book I read from cover to cover at four years old. It was a children's book but I still felt accomplished that I read an entire book my father had brought home for me to read. She met my father. I squeeze that lower back and feel her start writing again, feeling my exhale with it.

I hear her say, "I don't lie Huey." I inhale and she continues, "So I know how lucky my friends and I are and." I hear her stop, exhale, and she says, "Even if us girls have a say in it, it's still hard because I think when we really like someone we want them to just be nice to us and hopefully like us back as much as we like them and I think sometimes we don't know how to tell them that's what we want." I hear her stop, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "I mean, I was trying when Sam was telling us but I couldn't figure it out. Like how any of this makes sense. Like, first of all, why she doesn't like me so much that she would tell people about our relationship when she likes someone else now, even if you're way cuter." I squeeze that thigh, hear that giggle, and then she continues, "But really, she met someone else and it sounds like she likes him a lot and then he just stopped talking to her after they, you know." I hear her swallow, feel that warm face, and hear her continue, "Slept together, but maybe." I hear her stop, inhale, and hear her say, "That's why she's acting like this. She's just hurt right now because of what that jerk did. I mean she only started those rumors after the party, you know after doing that with him. So maybe, possibly, she just needs someone to talk to. I mean and if she really thinks it's my fault, which I still don't really know why, I can just tell her he only talks to me during class and he stays away from me outside of class." I feel my inhale, feel those lips kiss my neck, and I exhale. Then I hear her say, "So maybe I should try to talk to her, you know, to see if she wants to talk to someone about how she's feeling. I mean my sister says I'm good with talking to people so maybe I can just talk to Ashley and see if she just needs someone to talk to outside of the popular people. And really she hasn't been that mean to me, just kind of rude, saying some dumb things to me a few times. I mean the worse she's really done is start a rumor that's true, so, maybe I will be nice and go talk to her." I open my eyes and feel my inhale, looking at that door ready to stand in front of it to stop her from making decisions based on her unrealistic optimism for this world and it's selfish people that destroy it and each other every day more and more. I also feel my temperature rising, unable able to stop it, remembering that immature girl and that imbecile we're talking about. I feel her shift, and hear her say, "What's wrong bestie? Your temperature is off. Do you know something I don't?"

I exhale and say, "Not anything you want to know." I feel her move, feel those hands on my chest, feel her push me down further onto the old couch, see those light jades looking at me with that worried look and say, "Jazmine." I see that mouth open, wondering why I'm not making those lips red right now instead of talking about this, and hear her say, "Bestie what do you know?" I exhale, look away, not necessary wanting to continue this conversation, and say, "It's nothing you want to know." I feel that hand on my cheek, feel her turn my face, and I let her. I see that small smile and she says, "I know you don't like talking about this kind of stuff Huey because you think this high school stuff is just dumb and that it means nothing, specially." I see her stop, look away, swallow, reminding me of that place I still want to kiss one day, and hear her say, "Because of everything I know about you now and how these dumb high school things really don't matter, but." I see her look back at me, lick those lips, and she says, "These high school things kind of affect my friends and I so please tell me what you know." I look back down at those lips, close my eyes, knowing telling her is the best way to protect her from stupid high school trivial gossip. Making her aware is the best way to protect her. And, she's stronger today. I exhale, open my eyes, and see that smile, knowing she won, again, and I'm going to tell her. I inhale, knowing even if it's the best way to protect her I still do not welcome the fact she has that effect on me. Damn it to hell and how she even does that.

* * *

After telling her, knowing what's to come, keeping a hold on those hips, I feel her standing, and I say, "Jazmine." I feel her squirming more so I drag her in, feel that round ass and how well it fits there, inhale, and hear her inhale. Then I hear those slow, small breaths, feel my smirk, and hear her say, "I just can't believe she said that. And I can't believe I was going to try to talk to her to be nice about her feeling bad about what that jerk did. I mean I still feel bad for her, but she's just been so mean to me this whole time. And why? I get that she had a crush on you but we were just friends and she shouldn't have said that. Saying that I was dating someone and that's why I wasn't dating you. I mean even if that wasn't true, that's just so not the way things were. And I mean look at the stuff it made us go through. It's just, ugh." I exhale, remembering how I did not care why that girl said it but rather that she said it at all and what it would mean for Jazmine. Jazmine. She is special. I knew it before that day but hearing what those morons in the restroom were saying about that girl only proved it. I did not care what that girl was doing when it came to her sexual lifestyle, but I did care, even if I did not acknowledge it, as incredibly selfish and self-centered as that is, that the girl sitting on my lap did not have that lifestyle and still does not. I also remember we're alone. So, I bring my arms around that small waist, feel her turn, look at those greens, see that smile, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her come down and put her face on my neck again. I swallow, exhale, lean back on the couch, and bring my left hand down to that thigh, enjoying not having that headache even after having talked about those two I thought were smart enough to move to another school but apparently I gave them too much credit.

I feel that warm breath on my neck and hear her say, "Thank you for telling me bestie. I was about to start being nice to her, not knowing how much trouble she's been for us. And, even more than that." I hear her stop, feel that warm breath exhale on my neck, feel that smile on my neck, and after five seconds I hear her say, "Thank you for what you said at lunch on Monday big hair." I exhale, squeezing that firm thigh, and say, "Jazmine." I hear that giggle and I exhale longer this time, knowing, I still need to relax after having tasted those lips fifteen minutes ago. I feel that hand on my chest, let my eyes close, and hear her say, "Really, thank you. Not just for right now and telling me what those dumb guys said and what she said about me dating, even if wasn't true, but more because of what you said during lunch this week. You didn't have to say anything and I know you really don't like being part of those conversations around other people so thank you for saying that. I mean if it wasn't for what you said we wouldn't have figured it out. And then we wouldn't have talked to Sam. And now my sister and friends feel happy knowing where the rumors were coming from and that it's not going to happen anymore." I inhale, feeling her start again at the beginning of the alphabet, over my left clavicle and not my stomach anymore, not sure why she's focused on that part of my chest now, but not caring to ask why either. She's on 'B' now for Booker T. Washington. I want to tell her she can press harder with that small finger into those muscles but that could also lead to more I wouldn't feel appropriate doing in a janitor's storage room. And, after remembering how special she is, I have also been reminded she deserves better than this room.

I hear that exhale and hear her whisper into my neck, "I really don't care what she said about me last year or what she's saying about me now. What matters is that my friends are really happy, my sister is to, and my mom to. And you made that happen bestie." I feel my eyes open, look down, see that bun, and close my eyes feeling that long kiss on my neck. I swallow and say, "Jazmine." I hear her say, "Sorry. I know we're alone and I'm not trying to tease you but I really like kissing you. I think I wanted to kiss you since last year." I open my eyes, exhale, and say, "Jazmine." I feel her move away, look down, see her look up, focus on those eyes, instead of those lips, and I say, "Don't ever think you're teasing me. I can control myself, even if you." I exhale, remember all those missions I successfully completed, retrieving information on innocent black men to help the few honest attorneys working in the DA's office fight those cases, how much calculation and what people call 'courage' and I call persistence that took, and say, "Make it hard sometimes." Many times.

I see that tint, feel my smirk, see her look down at my lips and then feel that hand leave my chest, feel both her hands on my shoulders, that lift of her legs, feel those lips, and taste that tongue, feeling what some would call 'proud' that she's faster than I even give her credit for. I feel that hardness so I push her back but then feel her push me back into the couch. I let her. I feel those small teeth bite my lower lip and can't help the groan, closing my eyes with it. Then I taste her tongue again and hear her say my name in that way I want, I accept, more than I want anyone else saying my name. I feel those hands holding the back of my head, in my hair, inhale, and grab that round ass. I hear her inhale, say my name again, and feel her shaking. Then I feel her grind that hip over my hardness, bring my hands up to that waist and push it back, cursing every hormone in my body out loud.

I hear those small slow breaths, open my eyes, see those jades looking at me with an intensity that makes me get harder, and I close my eyes. I inhale, trying, trying, to relax. This isn't the right time or place and it's Jazmine. She deserves better. And, I wasn't raised by that family. I am not like that family and I will give her better. I feel those warm hands on my cheeks and I exhale. I feel those hands leave my face, grab my hands, and push them down to wear they were seventeen seconds ago with one hand on that firm thigh and the other on that slender lower back, sitting sideways on my lap, alone in this room. I feel those hips scoot up slowly, that hand on my clavicle, that face on my neck again, and that warm breath. I exhale longer, lay back down on the couch, and hear her whisper, "You don't want it to be here, when we're not ready or have protection, and I think." I hear her exhale, so I open my eyes, look down at that bun again, and hear her say, "You want it to be special because I think I'm special to you." I inhale and say, "Jazmine." I see her look up at me and I swallow seeing that look of complete trust and whatever this world calls 'faith' or hope. That look she's always given me. The one where I can see that she knows nothing will happen in this room to her because I'm here. Is that trust? And how does that hope she still has in me fit into that trust? That hope. Even after all she saw this summer, all she knows now about that family, that sick past, the many ways I am like that family in how I react to events, 'niceties' she does for me, like that lunch she made so I could spend more time at their grave, how she's always done that, I still see that hope she shines my way. How she must now know that the many times she would come crying to me to fix something, like when she thought Tom had been abducted by terrorists but was really in holding after being misidentified as the killer of a boy over a game of Madden 2006, I would react harshly because of that family, because I thought I was connected to them and I could do nothing to distance myself from them. How she might possibly even know that the girls, women, I saw before her, although some were attractive, were just that, attractive. How she must know I only dated them, went as far as I did with them, because this world deems it necessary that I do those things to seem 'normal', but to a greater extent to not think about her. How do I say you are special and it's not only because of what you look like, how I thought about you too much to know it wasn't normal, that that shine was the reason I had accepted I would be involved with women to the extend deemed normal for a man in this society because I knew, like I knew I was connected to that family, that one day that shine would go away, either because I would hurt you enough with those blaring traits from that family or you would find someone that did deserve that hope to make this world a better place, but because even after all of that you would continue coming back to my door with those big green eyes and that big hair telling me to fix it all because you thought I could? And still, I could not, would not, tell you how wrong you were about what you saw in me. Instead, I would just let you go one day. And I was fine with that. But, now I want more.

I exhale and say, honestly, "Only in your Jazmine head would you think otherwise." I understand women want other, possibly more, words when expressing 'emotion' but this is who I am, whatever it is that I am. This is who I will always be, what some girls I took on dates called 'cold' or 'robotic'. And still, I see that smile, feel those arms come around my neck, the push on my hardness, and I groan and say, "Jazmine." I feel that hip move back and I exhale. Then I hear her say into my neck, "Sorry and thank you for saying I'm special to you." I close my eyes, remember we are alone, and hug that lower back, close enough I can continue smelling that strawberry-smelling hair. I hear her say, "I promise to never tell anyone how affectionate and sweet you are Huey. Just like your birthday and your parents' middle names. Promise." I feel my eyes open, look down, see that bun, remember she has yet to create disappointment, resentment, or distrust between us. She has yet to fail me. She has yet to break any of those promises. And, she just said she would not tell anyone how 'affectionate', if that's what she calls it, I am when we're alone. What some girls called 'cold' she calls 'affectionate'. But, I do acknowledge, I am less of that cold heartless kid with her over anyone else. And, I still have not touched it. It might also be too dark in this room for her to see my face, so I say, "Jazmine." I see her look up at me. I swallow, feel my lips twist in that damn way along with my face getting warm, and say, "I want to touch." I stop, look up at it, remember how much I've wanted to do it as childish and idiotic as it still sounds, go back down to those jades, see that smile, that tint, and hear her say, "Okay." I feel that warm breath on my neck again, that hand on my clavicle, feel her start on 'C' for Dr. Charles Drew, a black physician who was a pioneer in the medical field and for our people. It's possible, with her drive she might want to go to medical school. I'm sure any school she decides to attend will have an adequate law school close enough I can also attend and continue my work for my people. But first, before any of that, I want to touch it.

So, I bring my hand up over her head, hold it there, swallow, hear that giggle, put my hand over it and cover it with my entire hand. I exhale, not being able to find the right words again and only falling back to a word I've heard this girl that's sitting on my lap and using my chest as a piece of paper use many times. It feels 'fluffy'. I hear her whisper, "You don't have to ask me if you want to do that bestie. Just know if feels really, really nice. Almost, like the best thing ever even if that sounds childish." I swallow and say, "Yes." She doesn't have to know she's right. She also doesn't have to know she's sitting on my lap and allowing me to do this again on Saturday night.

* * *

I cannot believe that jerk did that and I cannot believe she blames me. Like how? How is that even my fault? I exhale and hear her say, "Jazzy?" I blink, look to my right, see those dark eyes, so dark, they look like a pretty blue-black, staring at me, smile back at her, and say, "I'm sorry Lena. Just thinking about people I don't wanna see that I have to see." I see her smile, shake her head, look forward and she says, "I know. I heard." I feel my eyebrow lift and she says, "It's so stupid that this school cares that much about that stuff. Are they still bothering you about sleeping over?" I exhale, look forward to my class and say, "No, it's not that anymore. I don't even know if people care about that since it's last week's gossip. No. Right now I have to deal with a person that was a jerk to someone and that someone is blaming me for it." I exhale through my nose. Maybe I can skip class even if I like this class and just go to our room, even if Huey isn't there with me, and just meet him after fifth period ends. I exhale seeing Ms. Reed standing outside of class as she smiles at me. I guess it's too late to skip class. I hear her say, "Yeah, some guys here are real jerks. I'm so glad Phil's not one of them." I feel my smile and say, "So everything's going good with him?" I hear her say, "Yeah. We've been texting every day and he finally decided to hang out with my friends for lunch today." I look over at her, see her smiling down, and I say, "Let me guess. They loved him?" I see her look at me, smile, blush, and she says, "Yeah, the girls all thought he was super cute. They texted just to tell me afterwards. But." I see her purse her lips, look away, and I say, "But what Lena?" I see her exhale, turn back to me, and she says, "One of the guys in our group wasn't really nice, kind of mean, like he was, you know." I see her stop, feel my smirk, and say, "Jealous?" I see her exhale and says, "I don't know and really I don't know why he would be." I say, "Because you're really pretty Lena." I see her look down, smirk, and she says, "I guess. It's just weird though like how it happened." I say, "Okay, well tell me. We have a few minutes." I grab her arm, see her stop, and she turns to me.

She exhales and says, "Well, after Phil left, cuz he was just there to, you know, see me and then he was gonna go back to where his friends hang out, Marcus got all dumb and said I shouldn't be dating him because Phil's a white boy." I exhale, close my eyes, and hear her say, "I know Jazzy. It's stupid. Specially because Phil's the nicest and smartest and cutest guy I've ever met." I open my eyes, see her smiling at me, and she says, "And that's what I told Marcus." I snicker, hear her laughing, and she says, "Even told his ass Phil was part of some chocolate fund raiser biz with you and your friends when you were kids and handled some mafia guys so he shouldn't be talking shit." I feel my mouth open, see her laugh again, and she says, "Yeah. Phil told me when we were on a date last Sunday. He told me about how you all made a lot of money off that biz and then cut out before you got caught." I feel my smirk again and she says, "He also told me about that kid that got dipped into chocolate by those guys and how he would've wanted it to be him that that happened to cuz he loved chocolate that much." I close my eyes, start laughing again, hear her laughing, and hear her say, "I told his ass that was the cutest thing anyone ever told me and then I kissed him." I stop, open my eyes, see her blushing, and she says, "So, I don't care what Marcus says or thinks and even if he likes me, I'm seeing someone so he has to stop it." I exhale and say, "I'm happy you think that. But you gotta tell Phil to come say hi to us once in a while. Not just every five years when he sees me talking to a pretty girl and wants to know her name." I see her laugh harder, see her arm come around, hug me, and I hug her back.

I hear her say, "Alright I'll see you tomorrow." I feel her pull away, see her smile at me, turn, and start walking to her class. I feel my smile, turn back to my classroom, and inhale seeing him standing at the door, looking at me. I give him a small smile, pass him, and walk into class.

* * *

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Okay everyone, I want you all to talk to the closest person to you about the kinds of negative amenities we find in neighborhoods that would normally be linked to social disorders. I also want a list of these amenities. One list for two people. This is how I will be taking attendance today so make sure to write both first and last names at the top of the paper. You'll work on this until the end of the period."

I exhale, turn to the next page in my notebook, hear him stand, hoping he's going to walk to the other side of the room. Maybe I can turn to the person to my right. Then I hear him say, "So, Jazmine." I inhale, look up, see he's sitting backwards on his seat now, looking at me, and he says, "Everyone already got a partner so we should work together." I look around, see everyone talking to someone, exhale, turn back to him, and say, "Okay."

I write down my name, his name, and say, "Okay, so I know lack of safe parks." I stop, remembering, exhale, and write it down. I hear him say, "You remember my last name?" I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at him, see him looking at me, and I say, "Johnson." I see him exhale. I look down and say, "Anything you wanna add?" I hear him say, "Fucked up schools." I exhale, nod, write down 'low resourced schools', and then say, "Lack of churches." I hear him say, "What?" I look up, see his eyebrow is raised, and I say, "Not having churches. It's a negative amenity." I see him give me a confused look.

I exhale, knowing my bestie and I would be further down the list by now, but then I remember, my bestie's had some opportunities this guy hasn't and would have started in this class already knowing how lack of good amenities or having negative amenities would affect neighborhoods and even more, how status and class affect those things. But, I think my bestie would know all of that because of who he is, not the opportunities he's had. I mean even without those opportunities, my bestie was still really smart and knew so much when I met him, before he started going to schools in this area. He's always been smart. He's always wanted to learn and help the black community. I get this warm feeling knowing, somehow, even if his mom and dad hadn't died and he wouldn't have moved here, he would still be the same Huey I know. My Huey with that warm brain. And I can't compare that warm brain to anyone else.

I say, "Not having churches is a negative amenity because churches give food and sometimes clothing to people that need it. They're good in many ways, even if someone isn't religious and doesn't go to the other services. Like how some of the homeless in downtown go to some churches to just get food. Those people aren't bad and aren't asking for anything else, just some warm food, and maybe a warm and dry blanket. So, if those churches weren't there, the homeless, who in this area are usually black and elderly people, wouldn't have that and would either go hungry more than they already do or get sick even faster because of not having warm, dry blankets. So, lack of churches, who mostly help the homeless black elderly, is a negative amenity." I exhale, look down, write it on the paper, and hear him say, "How you know all this shit when you grew up with money?"

I look up, feel my eyebrow rise, and say, "Because my mom let me volunteer at the shelter I guess so I could learn how lucky I am, even if all people see when they look at her is a white attorney, and because Mr. Willis, who's one of the nicest men ever, would tell us these things when we were there." I smile, look down at the piece of paper, feel my cheeks getting warm thinking about that afro, and say, "And because of Huey." I hear his inhale, look up, see him squinting his eyes at me, and he says, "You know I use to be part of that shit to, telling people the truth, 'till I saw people don't give a shit 'bout that and only care 'bout getting their own." I inhale and he says, "So I don't see why you even into that shit, helping others when no one cares. Specially blacks, since you only half."

I inhale and say, "Because of that." I see his eyebrow rise again. I exhale, look down at the paper, write 'Fast food chains', and say, "Because too many people don't care. And they think no one else does. But people like Mr. Willis and the volunteers there and nurses that volunteer to work at nursing homes just to check on the elderly that have a hard time going to their own doctors and just other people I haven't met yet, they care. But they need help, specially from us that are younger than them. And I want to be like them one day even if you or anyone else thinks that's dumb and no one cares." I hear an inhale, look up, see him looking at me with wide eyes, and then I hear Ms. Reed's voice next to me say, "That's a good one. Lack of churches. A lot of people do not see how they really help those that will not seek help from the government or other private charities." I look up, smile at her, see her smile at me, and see her walk away.

I see Ms. Reed walking to Michelle, see her looking at me with lowered eyebrows, shake my head, happy I didn't try being her friend last year, look back at the paper, write 'liquor stores', and hear him say, "That what you want? Someone into that shit?" I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, exhale, look back down at the paper, and write 'unsafe sidewalks with cracks'. I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I just don't get you." I exhale and I say, "I wrote down unsafe sidewalks with cracks because kids and older people could trip on them and the government should be taking care of fixing those sidewalks even though it doesn't do it enough in poor neighborhoods." I hear him say, "Like how you even think that nigga deserves your ass?" I inhale, look up, see him looking at me again that same way, and say, not being able to stop myself, "I don't know Cairo. Maybe he deserves me because he's just a nice, decent guy that doesn't call other guys that word. Oh, and maybe by not using me at some party and then not talking to me afterwards." I exhale and see him squint his eyes at me.

I look back down at the paper, write down 'boarded up houses and buildings', and say, "I wrote down boarded up," but he cuts me off with, "How you know 'bout that shit?" I exhale and say, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That's your business and you're my classmate, not my friend, so I have no right to tell you how you should treat girls." And of course, my friends don't treat girls like that. I hear him inhale and I say, "I wrote down boarded up houses and buildings because," but he cuts me off with, "I don't even care. Her ass wanted it and I was fucken bored waiting for what I really wanted a'ight." I inhale, shake my head, hear the bell ring, rip the paper from my notebook, close my notebook, put it in my backpack, zip it up, and hear him say my name. I close my eyes, get up, open my eyes, start walking to the front, hear him say my name again, walk to Ms. Reed's desk, not caring the entire class is looking at me, just wanting to get away from that jerk, give Ms. Reed the paper, see her nod at me, smile at her, and walk out, ready to meet that warm brain that walks on the side of the road where cars drive by to protect me.

* * *

I exhale, trying to relax. She's on 'M' for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., reminding me of the night she gave me those refills for my journal, the night she asked me to tell her again about my dream where Doctor King fell into a coma and we waited for news of his fate. I exhale, feel my hand go under the table, grab hers and hold it. I'm aware this is 'affectionate', but she's also mine and I have never cared what the world sees when they look at me so long as I'm speaking the truth. And, holding her hand might be the only way I won't get up to go punch him in the face if he looks over here one more fucken time.

I hear a girl's voice say, "Hey everyone." I look up to my right and see that girl from the barbecue that was talking about Jazmine and Caesar's girlfriend. I also see another girl standing next to her. I look at Caesar and see him looking at me with his eyebrow raised. I wonder if he's thinking about how their unrealistic optimism for others is reason enough to keep them at home several times a week. I see him exhale, look down at his girlfriend, and know my answer when I hear Ming say, "What up Sam. That your girl Nicki?" I shake my head, look down, and grab one of the carrots she brought today, reminding me carotene is good for my eyesight. I start chewing and hear Caesar say, "Start making my forgiving babe stay home once a damn week." I look up, feel my eyebrow rise seeing Ming kiss Caesar, see him look away, and he says, "I know. I know. You'll handled it. Damn." I shake my head, knowing he always gives into her without any significant work on her part. I feel that breath in my ear and hear her whisper, "Remember to eat all of them because of what my health teacher said." I know, even if it's not completely true. Six of them can reverse some of the damage I've inflicted on myself by watching the news in a dark room too many times. I close my eyes, exhale, open them, and grab another carrot.

I hear that girl from the barbecue say, "Yeah. This is my girl. I wanted to introduce you all to her and I also wanted to." I hear her stop so I look up at her again, see that other girl grab her hand and hold it, much like Jazmine did for me at my parents' grave. This of course is a completely different situation, but it's possible that day, at their grave, even if I didn't know it, by holding my hand, she was giving me something I needed in order to be there, to not leave thirty minutes after we got there, like I usually did. It's only now, people call in hindsight, that I see all the other times I've visited them I only stayed for half an hour at most. That was the first time I stayed for over half a day. I exhale. These are things I choose to not think about because of the significance they carry. I feel her squeeze my jeans, bringing me back to the present day, and remember that hand will be in my hair tomorrow and she might let me feel that bun again.

I hear that girl continue, "I wanted to apologize to you Caesar." I look back at Caesar and see him exhale. I hear that girl say, "I can't imagine how bad that whole thing could've turned out and it was all my fault. I'm so sorry. And I promise, if I can ever make it up to you all, specially you who had to defend Ming that day, I will do it." I see him inhale, smirk up at that girl, shake my head, knowing he's just as forgiving as his girlfriend, look down, and grab the next carrot. I hear him say, "Don't worry about that shit. I can take care of my girl. And that dick don't know her or anything that got to do with her. If my girl's cool with you so am I."

I hear the other girl that came with her say, "And I wanted to invite you all to my house for a Halloween party." I close my eyes. Not another damn party. I hear that voice next to me say, "Nicki, you seem really nice and Sam already told us how sweet and smart you are." I open my eyes, look down to my left at that small nose, see those full lips purse, and hear her say, "But I think we're done with parties for a little bit." I feel my smirk, grab another carrot, and start chewing it. Then I hear my friends' and brother's girlfriends all say 'Yeah', 'Yep', and 'Fuck yeah'. I hear them all laugh, focus on the one laugh, and shake my head. Then I hear my brother say, "Yeah. Last time we went to a damn party it ended all fucked up and I 'on't want ma girl going through that shit again." I exhale, look at my brother, and see Jazmine's sister smile at him. I hear that girl say, "Yeah. I heard about that. So, that's why I'm only inviting people that are my friends and Sam's. No one else." I exhale, grab another carrot and hear Lauren say, "Thanks Nicki. That's really nice of you. And after Sam told us why she did that, we're all definitely still friends. But Sam saw what happened last time at that party and we just can't be sure that other people won't show up. There are just too many people at this school that are." I hear her stop and I continue chewing, looking down at the number of carrots she brought and wonder if she brought any for herself. Then I hear that voice to my left I'll be going to sleep to tomorrow night say, "Jerks and people we don't wanna be around." I inhale and look up across the cafeteria to that table where I saw him sitting next to that girl. I can see her talking to him about things he possibly cares about, like other people and TV shows that will mean nothing to anyone next year, and see him looking over here again, to my left. She told me what happened, making me promise to not go after him only because he didn't actually do anything other than show her how much of an imbecile he is, having sex with that girl and telling someone like Jazmine that he did it because he was fucken bored. Jazmine. Regardless of how much experience she has with that, which is just as much as I have, she's not fine with people, especially girls her age, being treated like tools. No matter what that girl's said and done to Jazmine, Jazmine still does not easily accept how he treated that girl. I also realize, right now, seeing him look down at that girl as she talks to him about nothing important, he's only 'trying' with her to show Jazmine that he's not as much of a selfish bastard as he is. He's only sitting there, at that table that's in perfect view of this table, so Jazmine can see he's not as much of an asshole as he really is. I exhale, feeling my temperature rising, feel that small hand go over mine, and start drawing patterns over my hand. Too many things that just are, like how she knows what my temperature rising means. Too many things that I've accepted just are.

I exhale, look down, grab the last carrot, and hear that girl say, "And that's why my parents said I can hire security to make sure only people that are on my list can get in." I feel my eyebrow rise. Only because of looking for jobs before being hired at the shelter, I know how much those private security companies pay their security guards and how much they charge their clients. And this girl's parents are allowing her to hire one of those companies for several hours, maybe longer. I hear Hiro say, "Damn girl you rolling. That shit ain't cheap." I hear Caesar say, "Not even close to being cheap." I know those two also looked for work in that business before moving here.

I hear that girl say, "Well, my parents have a little money I guess and since they'll be at a Halloween party for work and won't be coming home until the next day because they'll probably be staying at some hotel to not drive while they're tired, they said I could have my girlfriend over and I could also have a party but only my club friends and my girlfriend's friends can come. And I told them that's what I wanted anyways so that would be fun." I hear Cindy say, "Nicki, that all sounds fucken cool but, and this ain't me saying we going cuz we still gotta talk about this, you'll do know that night kids be trying to get into any kinda party just to get fucked up in someone's house and it's gonna be hard to keep them jerks outta your party?" I hear that girl say, "Yeah, and that's why I want security there. And." I hear her stop, so I look up at her, see her smile down, blush, embarrassed I assume, and hear her say, "I think if any people actually crash my party they're gonna be really mad because the only drinking the kids in the math and astrology club do is maybe a little beer but that's it. We're kinda doing it more just to dress up and dance. Just hanging out. And I think everyone I'm inviting kinda is seeing someone or has a boyfriend or girlfriend so I don't think there's gonna be any real flirting going on. Well, any flirting outside of relationships but I'm sure there's gonna be stuff going on between people that are together." I hear the snickers, look back down to my left, see that blush on those freckles, and feel my smirk coming on.

Then I hear Ming say, "Well, thanks Nicki. We'll talk and shit and figure it out and then let you know." I look back at that girl, see her smile at Ming, and she says, "Okay. Well just let my girlfriend know if you are coming and she'll let me know and I'll put you eight on the list." I see that girl turn and see them both start walking away. I turn back to those greens and I say, "Did you bring any for yourself?" I see that smile, see her open that mouth, and then hear that girl's voice to my right say, "Oh one more thing everyone." I see those greens look at that girl again and hear that girl say, "Please don't tell anyone else about this party and if you do come, even though it's a Halloween party, the theme is your favorite cartoon character. Okay, you all let my girlfriend know." I see those greens look back at me, see that smile, and close my eyes, knowing, knowing if we do go, if we go, it's going to be a long, hard night for me.

* * *

I hear her say, "We don't have to go bestie." I feel the heart she's drawing on my head, round at the edges, exhale, and say, "Jazmine, the likelihood of someone getting through that security is high and." I stop, swallow, feeling my temperature rising, and say, "I'm sure I know what you want to dress as and I don't need other guys seeing you dressed like that." I hear that giggle, exhale through my nose, and hear her say, "Bestie." I feel that kiss on my back, feeling that combination again, the one of my entire body continuing to heat up and relax at the same time, and hear her say, "I know what you're thinking and even though I do really like that character, I don't think I could dress like that outside of." I hear her stop, feel that face warming up on my back, and hear her say, "Maybe this room." Fuck.

I turn around, grab those hands, put them above that thick hair and taste those lips. I hear her say my name, feel my hardness on that soft stomach, and move. I let go of those hands and grab those hips, moving up and down slower, wanting to enjoy this, just a few more seconds. Shit. I pull away, hear her breathing, see those dark forest greens looking at me in my dark room, close my eyes, and put my face on the pillow she's laying on top of. I need to relax. I need to relax. And, I need to stop thinking about her dressed in anything outside of sweatpants and one of my sweaters. And even then, I groan, knowing even then, she looks like the perfect size in every way and I know, as she's laying under me right now, that she fits too fucken well under me. Feeling how hard her nipples are under that thin shirt isn't helping either. Fuck. I pull up and then groan her name feeling her grab my base.

I swallow and say, "Jazmine, you need to let me go so I can take care of it. I'll be right back." I hear that exhale, smelling that breath, and hear her say, "I want to help you this time." I inhale, pull up, feel her grab harder, and say, "Jazmine." I hear her say, "I'm not saying we're having sex Huey. I just want to help you take care of it this time okay." I say, "Jazmine, I don't think that's," but she cuts me off with, "Lay down." I say, "Jazmine." I hear her say, "Huey, you're my boyfriend. Now trust me and lay down." I swallow, remember we're in my room, where it's just the two of us, on clean sheets because I always change them before she comes over, there are condoms in the drawer to my left and I said, I said it damn it, that I would try for her and that includes trying to trust her, even in this respect. And, the moment she wants to, it'll happen. But for now, she's asking me to lay down.

I pull up, feel her let go of my base, exhale with that release, get on my side, and lay on my back. I see that white shirt, illuminated by the moonlight coming through those drapes, sitting up, see those hard nipples on those full breasts she hides with bras, continue up, see those greens over me, framed by that thick hair, feel her hand on my leg and inhale, grabbing the sheets under me. I feel those fingers, lightly, drag up my left thigh, get to my base again, and I close my eyes. I feel that hand go up from my base, slowly, hear her swallow, continue up, and feel that hand get to the head of my penis, feeling her warm hand on the skin of the head as it's sticking out of my shorts. I hear myself inhale and curse something. How is this better than I thought it would be? She's only touching my head damn it. I feel that warm palm leave, exhale, feeling myself relax, and then feel the pull on my shorts and my briefs. I swallow, lift my lower body, and inhale, feeling the coolness from the room as they're pulled down. I hear her swallow and let myself smirk in this room where it's just us. Even if she has seen anything online, if she has, she's impressed, and that gives me some chauvinistic pride and I know it.

I feel that hand again on my base, inhale, exhale, and open my eyes, wanting to see this. I see those greens looking at me and remember all those dreams I had of her doing something close to this but never actually this. The most vivid of those dreams was always me touching her, watching her, and hearing her say my name. I feel her encircle my base with that warm, small hand, and hear myself say, "Fuck Jazmine." I feel that hand start moving up and down, slowly, hear my breathing, not knowing I could breathe this fast for any reason, see her lick those lips, feel that shiver travel down, knowing I'm already this fucken close and all she had to do was touch me and lick those lips. I exhale, feeling that hand reach the head of my penis again, and know I stopped counting how many times she reached it and how many times I said her name some time ago. I stopped counting seconds and minutes. I feel that hand stop, feel that small thumb move over the opening in small circles, too fucken slowly, and know I'm dreaming, when I say, "Fuck, Jazzy," feeling my eyes close and my eyeballs traveling up and back to where they do when I'm in deep meditation.

I feel myself cum, as I normally would when she's spending the night, but wonder why I feel like I'm laying down, and not holding onto the sink while I jackoff over the toilet. And, why do I feel this tired? I still need to clean up, if my ejaculation went over the toilet, like it does when I'm thinking about what she looks like with less clothes, wash my hands, and walk back to the room where she's waiting for me. But this dream, this one felt, real. And, as 'looney' as I've ever been called, I have always been grounded enough to know reality, mostly, from the false. But this one felt real. Maybe having her sleep over so much is producing these delusionary effects. But, as selfish as it is, I think I'll use this dream during the week when she doesn't sleep over. I exhale, inhale, ready to clean up the mess I'm sure is around the toilet based on that dream and then return to that strawberry-smelling hair, open my eyes, and inhale, looking at the ceiling of my dark room.

I look down, see those greens staring at her hand, see her open her mouth, and feel my mouth open, seeing her lick her hand. Then I see that tongue come out, lick that bottom full lip, knowing I just came and it will take several minutes, possibly longer, based on how much I just came, to get hard again, and groan, feeling myself wanting to get hard again, right now. Is this still part of the dream or reality and do I really want to wake up? I see those greens look at me and hear her say, "You taste like vegetables, sunshine, and hard work." Fuck.

* * *

I open the door, walk in, close it behind me, and exhale, seeing that thick blonde afro. I knew she would be back from washing her hands before I was done in the upstairs restroom. This time, it only took me a few minutes of being away since I only had to clean up some, wash my hands, and come back. That one and only time she 'helped me' was enough I'll be tired until morning. And now, we can sleep so I can rest from something I'm still trying to understand was not a dream. I see her give me that smile, illuminated by the moonlight, and she says, "We're sleeping in bestie and having another 'Huey and Jazzy' slash non-friend Sunday okay?" I exhale and say, "Okay, but I want to touch it again tomorrow while you sit on my lap and we do what you call 'cuddle'." I see her open her arms and I walk up to the bed, ready to sleep in that fashion she lets me sleep in. We can deal with what she's wearing to that party next weekend.

* * *

Hi everyone,

We might party next weekend (we will). I hope you all liked this last chapter and comment/review. I think everything is moving nicely but I do welcome recommendations.

And, just a question, cuz I'm curious about you all, what do you all think they'll be wearing to that Halloween party? And, do you think it's no longer a PG rated story? That be it for now. Thank you all again.

Bulma's Ego


	29. Costumes, hair, and tastings

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you for your comment! I like that the actual show had a lot of diversity (especially with all of Grandad's dates) and so I wanted to keep on with that. Thank you again. I hope you like the next chapter.

WARNING: I'm keeping the story still PG but it's getting, well, you know, mature. I mean they are growing up so it's gonna happen, but I still feel I have to warn you'll. I hope you still enjoy it and if at any point any of you think I should up the rating, please PM me okay. Thanks you'll.

CHAPTER 29:

Okay, it looks natural because we got the good quality ones. It's just for a few hours and then I can take it off. I feel my smile thinking about how shocked he's going to be. It feels weird, not caring if he likes it. I just want to shock him. But, I wonder if he will like it.

I hear my sister's sweet voice say, "Jazzy boo." I smile, look over to my right in the mirror, and can't help but feel my eyes open even more. I cannot believe we're doing this. And, I hope one day she sees just how pretty she really is. I smile and say, "Sissy?" I see her inhale, exhale, and look to the side. I turn, knowing, hug her, smelling that coconut lotion she uses that I love so much and whisper, "You're the prettiest girl in our school sissy and you look even prettier today." I feel her arms going around my torso, hear her exhale, and hear her say in that small voice, "I love you sissy." I hear a knock downstairs, pull away, and see that smirk on my beautiful little sister.

We walk out to the hallway, hearing mom laugh, look downstairs, and I see our friends. I see her run downstairs and can't help but laugh. Once I'm downstairs, seeing my little sister hugging Leo, I see her let go of him, and see those big dark eyes look at me.

I exhale, walk up to him, see him look down at me with that big smile and those eyes that remind me of the black night sky I saw through Huey's telescope one of those nights we stayed at his house during the chicken flu week. I remember that was the first time he showed me the North Star. That was one of those things I had forgotten. I exhale, knowing Huey doesn't know it was after that week that Tom started getting mean. Thinking about it now I know he was jealous that day about Thugnificent. I don't remember everything from that argument but I remember hearing Tom tell mom when we were in the kitchen at our house after we had come back that he had seen Thugnificent look at mom. She had looked up, surprised I think. I remember mom smiling and telling Tom he was being jealous and she didn't remember Thugnificent looking at her. I remember Tom telling mom he wasn't worried because Thugnificent wasn't well-off anymore anyways. I didn't know what 'well-off' meant back then. I just remember sitting there in the dining room with them and not knowing why Tom seemed mad, just seeing mom's face looking confused and I think a little sad after Tom said that about Thugnificent. I remember grabbing mom's hand, seeing her look at me, looking at my eyes, and seeing her face light up. I think that was when it started. But really I remember, it was Pretty Boy Flizzy when it got bad. It was the week after he was supposed to sing at my birthday party that I heard that sound the first time coming from their room. Now I know it wasn't just pushing. He was hitting her. I feel myself inhale and then hear, "Jazzy." I blink, looking at those black eyes that remind me of that night Huey showing me the North Star. The North Star reminds me of mom's eyes. And I know that black night sky treats that North Star really nicely and I'm sure will take care of her and protect her if she ever needs protection. I smile, hearing my nickname, hug him, and smell that Hugo Boss cologne he wears that I know mom likes. I think men are supposed to smell like that. Men his age. Dad's. They're supposed to smell like Hugo Boss. And, I can't remember if Tom used cologne anymore. It's been that long since he hugged me. I exhale, smelling that cologne, and know, no matter how much I love that Irish Spring soap, I hope one day, a long time from now, I can smell that cologne on my bestie. I hope I know him when he's a dad, when he's a pops.

I hear myself say, "Hi pops." I inhale and before I can take it back and apologize if that made him feel uncomfortable, I feel my little sister's arms around me, and hear her say, "You be coming to our game in two weeks and be wearing our colors right pops?" I hear that hearty laugh coming from Leo and hear mom, my sister, and friends all laughing. Tonight's going to be awesome.

I hear mom say, "Okay girls, I know you all want to get ready so remember to use both restrooms okay." I smile hearing mom tell our friends to also use the restroom connected to her bedroom.

* * *

I hear the door open, smile as I finish the eyeliner under my sister's right eye, look up at that face and can't help but think I was so right about what I told her earlier. I see her mouth open, see it turn into a smile, and hear her say, "Damn Mimi's you look hot." I laugh, turn around to my bedroom door, and feel my mouth open. I see Ming in her dark blue cheongsam with the bright red seams around the collar as one of those seams comes down over her left chest connecting two thin bows to her left arm hole, seams of that same color around her arm holes showing off her light skin toned arms, the bright red waistband showing her very small waist, and the bright red loose pants that can be seen because that cheongsam opens on the sides under her waist. I keep going down and see that those pants go from red to white under her knees, where the cheongsam ends, and see the red matted flat boots she bought to match her outfit. I go back up and see those bright red wristbands and can't help to smile seeing Lauren's gift under her right wristband, just in case. I go up and see that bare face, no lipstick, no blush, just dark eyebrows and eyeliner that took me a few minutes to get right, that make her eyes look smaller and even prettier. I go up and see those bangs she clipped on with her naturally long hair framing her pretty diamond shaped face. Most of her rich thick black hair is being held in that tub like red scrunchy. Just like Chichi looked in the first season, with hardly any make up, only dark eyeliner, and a total fighter. That girl at our school that looks at her boyfriend has nothing on how pretty Ming is. I see that smile on her and know she's thinking the same thing. I see her walk in and wonder if Lauren is done using mom's restroom. Then I feel my smirk turn into a smile seeing her walk in after Ming and close the door behind her.

I see that blue hair in a high ponytail being held up by a big bright pink bow, knowing the long part of that blue hair is in a braid coming out of that bow. I see those short blue hairs framing her forehead, those dark eyebrows with a little blue I had to match myself because makeup companies don't know what blue black eyebrow powder is, the long dark blue eyelashes, no blush and no lipstick. I just noticed that dark blue black mascara makes the hazel eyes look even lighter brown, almost like a pretty yellow. I see that dark purple bandana hanging around her neck loosely, how it makes her dark skin stand out, the light pink loose, short-sleeve, short dress with her name on the front in black letters, the brown belt, the light blue square shaped purse hanging off that belt, and the dark brown glove on her right hand. I feel my smirk seeing how short that skirt is and wonder if she knows how toned her legs are, probably because of the basketball. I see those loose purple socks that match her bandana and the old school blue vans with sticky straps that match the outfit and cost more than the entire outfit. Just like Bulma looked in the first season. I feel my smile knowing both their boyfriends are going to get to see how pretty and fit they both are.

I hear my sister say, "Damn Laurie, you and Mimi's might make Cartoon Network bring back that damn first season." I start laughing, hearing them all laugh, and then hear Ming say, "Damn shit. How bought your asses? They might bring back your favorite show Cin bear." I hear my sister say, "Shit, hopefully. And next year we make 'em bring back ma Jazzy's favorite show to. They 'on't fucken know what they be losing without those shows." I hear them laughing, smile, and look over at my beautiful sister, knowing Riley will not be able to speak seeing her in that dark brown hair that makes her dark ocean blue eyes stand out even more, coming down in different strands, with most of it hanging to the left, twisted in the back with those hair sticks with small red balls at the end of those sticks. I go down to see her pretty face, framed by those brown strands, see those dark brown eyebrows, that very dark eyeliner over her eyes and tiny eyeliner I drew under her eyes, the rose colored cheeks, and no lipstick. I wonder if the guys all like that we normally don't wear lipstick, just lip gloss or lip balm. She's so pretty. She's also so cute with her stuffed plush Momo on her shoulder. I look down and see that white henari that's really the undergarment she's wearing underneath, covered by the rich creamy pink colored kimono with the darker pink almost red sleeves over her chest, the same colored obi, which looks like a big sash that covers half of her stomach and chest, the creamy pink bow over that sash that's called an obijime, the long sleeves that open up at the end with those light pretty pink flowers at the end that remind me of the sunflowers she was looking for in the show, as that kimono travels down her waist, covering her legs and ending with those flowers again. My pretty sister 'Fuu' from her Champloo show. I smile seeing those cute wooden sandals over those short white socks.

I hear Lauren say, "I just hope the guys like our outfits." We all look at her, see her blush, and I say, "I don't think your Hiro's gonna take his eyes off of you tonight Laurie." I see her get complete red as she smiles and hear my sister and Ming laughing. We hear a knock on the door, smile at each other, and then see mom's pretty head pop in, smile at us, and she says, "You all look gorgeous loves." I feel my smile and then hear her say, "Leo said he wants to walk you all over even though I told him you're all grown up enough to walk across the street but he's just being so overprotective." I look at my sister, see her give me that small smile, and know she's happy for our mom.

* * *

We hear him say, "Okay girls. Enjoy yourselves but call if anyone wants to leave early and we'll come pick you up okay?" We nod, smile at him, see him smile at us, turn around, and start walking back to our house where he'll be staying with mom tonight. We hear the door open, turn back around to the front door, and see Hiro in his gold and white body armor with those extended shoulder pads, the red symbol on the right part of his chest that looks like a 'w' over a 'v', the long red cape that reaches his knees, the loose white gloves, the blue tights under that fuzzy brown belt that's supposed to be his tail, and the white boots with pointy gold tips that match the white on the body armor. I also see the top of his hair is kind of spiked up today. The sides still of course have that nice fade but the top part almost looks like a flame. 'Vegeta' in what Lauren says he would've been like in season one as Prince Vegeta. I know this character showed up in a later season but Lauren says he was still around in season one, just not part of the show. I realize, seeing Hiro looking to my right with his mouth open, he has some really cool tattoos, like that dragon that comes down from his right arm to his elbow with the mouth open like it's eating that elbow. I also see some Japanese lettering on his left arm. I think Lauren said that's the spelling of the name of his family's gang from Japan. She also said his mom, dad, and sister live on the east coast now after wanting to get away from the family he has in Chicago. She only tells us a little because that stuff should stay between them but I just can't believe someone as sweet and nice as Hiro is connected to a gang, any gang, especially one from Japan. Maybe that's how Riley and him connect so well. Like they both know what it's like to be part of a family with a really bad past and maybe not want to be part of it. And another thing I just noticed about Hiro is that he's really muscular. Are they all like that? Like, into being strong and fit? Is that not even a Freeman thing, just a 'Huey, Riley, Caesar, and Hiro' thing? I hear Hiro say, in a much deeper voice than I think we've ever heard him, looking at that pretty and fit 'Bulma' to my right, "The guys are in the living room. We'll be in in a minute."

I snicker, hearing my sister and Ming doing the same thing, and walk in pass Hiro into the Freeman house, leaving 'Bulma' to fend for herself with 'Vegeta'. As we get to the living room I hear Caesar's voice say, "See Riley. I told your ass if you can't pass the first damn level on Mario Brothers you don't know how to play shit." I hear Ming laughing along with my sister. As we turn I look into the living room and see those two on the floor playing with Caesar's Super Nintendo. I see those dreads in a half ponytail again, but this time a high ponytail, high like that hairstyle his character has. I see his loose orange gi with the awesome 'Kame' logo on the right side of his chest, the loose dark blue undershirt, blue belt, those blue wristbands matching his blue shirt and Ming's red ones, the loose orange pants that match the material and color of his orange top, and those blue boots with a red lined middle section and brown bow at the ankle, off his feet and next to him. I want to laugh thinking about how similar Caesar is to 'Goku' with their big smile and energy. And another thing I just noticed and can now confirm. The strong and fit thing is a 'Huey, Riley, Caesar, and Hiro' thing. I mean just looking at him I can see Caesar doesn't have the tattoos but he makes up for it in being pretty bulky and muscular. I get this weird feeling he's gonna look a lot more like his uncle when he's older. I smile, knowing why even though Ming has a lot of guys look at her, they know they have no chance with her.

I hear Riley say, "It's ma damn first time playing this game Caes. Shit. How the hell people play this shit man? Fucken hard not being hit by those damn turtles or fucken birds or whatever the fuck they are." I laugh, hearing my sister and Ming laughing harder. I see the guys look over in our direction and can't help but stop laughing looking at Riley with those glasses. He's really, cute. Like Riley is a cute guy. I never noticed. And it's kind of gross. Like that's my little brother, kind of. But, he's still a cute guy. Those glasses with those braids I took care of a few hours ago for him and are now pulled into a tight low ponytail, make him look older. Not like Huey, just like an older version of Riley. A more mature and professional looking Riley. I wonder if that's what he'll look like when he's older. I look down at what he's wearing and can't help but smile at how much he's trying for my sister. I see his own white henari under the dark blue kimono with those white rhombuses or are they parallelograms? I don't know, it's been too long since geometry. But one of those four grouped rhombuses is over his right chest and two other are over his long sleeves. I see that red thin sash over his waste and want to laugh at how happy I am seeing those loose fitting black pants that almost look like a dress because of how loose they are. He's really trying for her. And I think my mouth just opened the biggest it ever, ever, has seeing those white socks and wooden sandals next to him. He's really, really, trying. I expected Riley to wear anything else but the actual sandals 'Jin' wears. I exhale seeing both of them no longer looking at the screen but looking at my left where I know their girlfriends are standing. And they're all so good looking, but more than that they're just all such sweet guys trying so hard to match their girlfriends' outfits. And, thinking about it now I'm starting to maybe think, with how sweet and cute they are, that girls were really giving them their phone numbers that first week. I wonder if they've stopped doing that. I exhale, looking down, and wonder if girls will ever stop looking at my bestie like that. My really cute best friend that's my boyfriend. I feel my smile thinking about him.

I hear a creaking and look up to my right, down the hallway towards Huey's room. I also feel my heart stop. I swallow, step forward towards that hair and look up to see that perfect Huey Freeman afro that looks a little messy today and I'm going to have my hand in later tonight, the small stubble on his chin he let grow out just for today and I want to kiss right now, the cute green clip on earnings he has on and I don't know where he got but somehow they're shining like 'Mugen's' do, those broad shoulders with the green and yellow striped sword holder and a sword on his back I hope isn't real and wonder if I can make him leave it at home, and the red long sleeve shirt open where I get to see that gray shirt under it. I look inside the red shirt at the gray one and see the stitching on that gray shirt that begins at the collar and ends at top of his stomach and wonder if I can unstitch that shirt one day. I look down and see those long dark gray shorts with the red lining at the end and then see those strong calves I've only touched once, and those clean toes in those brown sandals. I swallow knowing he's probably the cleanest guy I know because he says it's healthy to be clean. Then I see those blue stripes across his ankles and my eyes get big knowing he even did that. I look back up at his hands and see those blue stripes on his wrists. Two blue stripes on his wrists and one on each ankle. A tradition for the Ryukyu people that Mugen is from. I feel those hands on my hips and wonder when we got this close. I look back up at that stubble, see those soft lips move, and hear him say, "You said you'd try Jazmine." Then I feel his lips on mine.

* * *

I only knew it was her because of those eyes and that body. And she's not leaving this house wearing that. I pull away, knowing I just wanted a taste and she told me months ago I could kiss her all I want, hear those small slow breaths, and she says, "Bestie, everyone's here in the living room." I exhale and say, "And they're my trusted idiot friends now go change." I see that small 'o' shaped mouth turn into that smirk, followed by that smile, and she says, "No." I close my eyes, feel those hands on my shoulders, knowing it was months ago when I discovered her massages have that effect on me, and wonder if she can do that tomorrow after my solo training. I hear her say, "You like how I'm dressed and I'm not changing." I exhale, trying to relax, feel those fingers going through those sore muscles, remembering the training from earlier today we all did, just in case there's trouble tonight, and squeeze those hips.

I feel those crisscrosses going up those hips, the skin on those hips, open my eyes, see those dark forest greens under that dark hair that's being held by a white rubber band with those dark brown strands framing her forehead and face. I can tell it's not her real hair, which means she did not add chemicals to it, possibly remembering the last time she did, it took another explosive compound to remove the residue from the first one. That last time was my fault. I put my fingers under those crisscrosses feeling the small shorts under them and see her swallow. I exhale, knowing she is trying to not drive me insane and still be Jazmine. But those undershorts are still too short.

I look down at that tight sleeveless gray shirt with those small shoulder pads and see those toned arms she somehow got through her training and I'm sure her African lineage, the long red gloves that begin below her elbow and end between her middle and ring finger, the black sash over that soft stomach I was enjoying last week showing how small that waist is under those full breast, the length of the gray shirt as it covers her mid-section and part of the small black shorts that are hugging those thighs and are twice as high from her knee than I'm accustomed to, those small undershorts she's wearing under those longer ones that I can see under the crisscrosses and I know are not part of 'Yatsuha's' original costume, but even now on Halloween when most girls and grown women take the opportunity to wear close to nothing, she's still trying to be proper. I exhale, feeling myself getting hard, swallow, and look further down and see those red long socks covering those toned calves and end at the arch of her feet, those brown wooden sandals showing me her small toes that she doesn't cover with paint, and close my eyes, berating myself for being an idiot and looking at those entire legs and everything else. I feel her kiss my lips and hear her whisper, "I promise to help you later but try to calm down." I open my eyes, see that tint over those freckles I'll have to recount at some point, exhale, and say, "You don't have," but she cuts me off with, "I want to." I feel myself at that point and wonder if she can help me before this damn party.

Then I hear my brother's voice say, "We gonna be late nigga." I look up at him and exhale, remembering I do not beat him anymore for saying that word because I've gotten tired of explaining to him that that word came from those that enslaved our people and if he wants to keep adding to the effect it has on our community than I'm no longer going to try to stop his dumbass. I see him looking at me in that costume several years back I would have said I would never see him in, even after Gangstalicious tricked him into wearing women's clothes, but apparently for Jazmine's younger sister he's willing to wear it and hear him say, "I means McHater. We gonna be late." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing having them in the same school has possibly helped. And maybe, he's not as much of a dumbass as he used to be.

I inhale, preparing for tonight, and look over at my other two friends with their costumes, knowing Lauren and Cindy picked this year's costumes based on their favorite cartoons being Dragon Ball, apparently specifically the first season, and Samurai Champloo, and next year will be Ming and Jazmine's turn. The fact they all think we will all be together as we are now in one year, even though it's high school, we're all still too young to be making those kinds of plans by society's standards, the idiots and imbeciles at school that continue to tests us all, and the fact that we have all had set backs in relationships and with family that would normally lead to unhealthy relationships and out of control behavior, makes me consider they're all either delusional in planning for a year from now or possibly, maybe, their maturity, possibly along with my own, makes us aware of what is worth struggling for, holding on to, and what can be placed by the waste side because it doesn't matter.

I hear Caesar say, "Hu." I look over at Caesar, by my own standards, my best friend after the girl standing in front of me, who stood with me on those sidewalks in front of that museum every damn weekend. I nod, grab the hand of that girl, and then hear Hiro say, "Gotta say one thing befor' we go." I look over at him, see him holding his girlfriend's hand, looking at my brother, and he says, "Fucken morons, and that includes females, show up we don't want there, we leaving, no questions asked. Alright?" I exhale, knowing even though they do not acknowledge it, those two are as close and similar to each other as Caesar and I are.

I hear my brother say, "A'ight." I look down at those forest greens, see that smile, and feel my smirk, knowing she seems happy.

* * *

I hear my sister say, "Sissy, this shits fucken great." I smile, feeling her put her head on my shoulder. I feel my smile getting even bigger looking down at that prep LSAT book he hasn't opened once. I look up and see my Mugen talking to Goku and an awesome Batman across the yard and can't help but want to laugh at how cute they all look. Then I see a really pretty Cat Woman with dark skin, long pretty braids, almost charcoal colored eyes, remembering 'charcoal' is a new color I learned from Riley the other day, and see her hug that Batman from behind.

I hear my sister say, "I 'member his ass being so fucken shy I thought he'd never see a girl." I smile seeing that pretty Cat Woman kiss that Batman on his cheek, see that Batman get red, and hear my sister laughing and I start laughing with her. I hear chairs move, open my eyes from that good laugh, and smile at Ming and Lauren in their Chichi and Bulma outfits. They give us our drinks and then Ming says, "This is how all parties should fucken be. Love this shit." I smile and hear Lauren say, "Yep. It's been great. Like I know everyone here is with someone and they all wore couples outfits and it's so cute." I look up, smiling at all the couples, Batman and Cat Woman, Joker and Harley Quinn, Superman and Lois Lane, Bugs and Lola Bunny, an actual Popeye and Olive Oyl, of course a Fred and Wilma Flintstone, Leela and Fry from Futurama, and so many more Disney couples that I can't name them all. Not a lot of Japanese animation like our little group, but some, like Edward and Winry from Fullmetal Alchemist, Ken Kenaki and Touka from Tokyo Ghoul, Inuyasha and Kagome from Inuyasha, and last but not least, Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. Okay, so maybe there are some other Japanese animation fans. I want to laugh this is all so great. I hear another chair move and look to my left, see that pretty Cat Woman sitting next to my sister, and she says, "What's up girls?" I smile and hear my sister say, "Never thought I'd see your man that red but that shit was cute as fuck." I laugh with my friends and then hear her tell my sister, "So how did you get your man to dress in that because I wanted Phil to be Van so I could be Hitomi from Escaflowne and he begged me for another choice because he didn't wanna wear a muscle shirt out in public? I just can't get that boy to stop being so shy. I mean he has the body for it." I look over where the guys are standing and talking and look at Phil in that Batman costume. I know he's on the football team and I'm sure he's fit. I feel my smile knowing even though girls were always looking at him he only got the courage to ask me about Lena because she's that pretty. I hear my sister say, "Lots and lots of fucken cuddles man." I feel my eyebrow rise, look back down at my little sister and see her looking to the far left of the yard where I saw Riley and Hiro in their Jin and Vegeta costumes last, hear the girls all laughing, and I laugh with them.

After we're all done having that laugh I ask Lena, "So what are Huey, Caes, and Phil talking about?" I see Lena exhale, look back at the guys and hear her say, "Politics and who they're planning on helping with their campaign next year." I feel my smirk and I ask, "Is Phil's family democratic or republican?" I see her look back at me with a confused look and she says, "Well when I met his mom yesterday I saw her watching CNN and I asked her if she was a democratic and she said their family was more liberal so they couldn't be part of either big party." I feel my smirk get bigger and she says, "Why?" I look back at the crowd, see those dark burgundy eyes looking at me, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and knowing he can read lips I say, "Because that means Phil's family is probably registered as Libertarian, which is the best party to be part of if you want both Democrats and Republicans to actually fight for your vote." I feel those burgundy eyes focus on me and then do that thing where he looks me up, sitting in this chair with the table in front of me, and I start feeling that warmth in my stomach and feel my legs squirming like they were when he was looking at me in my costume in his house. How does he do that and he's not even near me? I need to focus on something else before I get up and go kiss him.

I look back at Lena and say, "He's probably telling Phil to tell his family to stay in that party because that way when elections happen they won't be automatically calculated by either of the big parties so they'll have a bigger voice in what those politicians say because politicians know those Libertarians that aren't registered to either big party, like Phil's family, sometimes have the last say in a swing vote." I hear Lauren say, "Yeah, my family's Republican but I think that's only because we used to live in Florida where most of my other family is also in that party. And I heard my parents talking about changing their party to the democrat one." I look at her and see her smiling at me in that pretty blue hair. I hear Ming say, "Yeah, my parents became Democrats the moment they could vote. I'ma start voting when I turn eighteen cuz I'm damn sure the way they are, wanting to be part of this country and all, I'ma feel like it's my responsibility to." I feel my smile get bigger, so proud that my friends are this aware. I hear my sister say, "Damn straight and with Riles watching the news sometimes at night I hear shit and how bad things are and I knows I gotta vote to." I feel my eyes get big, look over to that far left and see Riley and Hiro talking to some guys. I remember Sam told us earlier those guys are part of her girlfriend's astrology club and are also wanting to start an art club at school. I see Hiro flex his arm and point at that dragon. I look over at Lauren, see her looking in that direction, and then hear my sister's voice say, "Your ass betta vote when you can Lena." I look over at Lena, see her smirk at my sister, and she says, "You ain't lying girl."

I feel that warmth, look over my right shoulder, see those eyes, those soft lips, and he says, "It's been an hour." I smile, look back at my little sister, see her smirking up at me, and she sits up. I grab my matted crossbody bag that luckily matches my outfit, get up, and follow my broad shouldered Mugen to the house, who remembered I told him I might want to go to the restroom every hour to check my makeup or just go to the restroom.

* * *

After using the restroom and washing my hands, I look up at the mirror and smile at my grandma's eyes. Then I hear a knock, roll my eyes, turn around, unlock the door, see him standing there in his Mugen outfit that shows off his muscular calves and clean toes, wearing those cute green earrings that make him look even cuter today with that stubble I'm starting to really like after just a few hours of having it, and I say, "Yes bestie?" I see him look down at my lips and I suddenly remember I didn't get a chance to drink that lime soda the girls brought me when they brought us drinks. I hear him say, "Are you done?" I swallow and say, "Yes. Why, is everything okay?"

I feel his lips on mine, close my eyes, put my hands on those shoulders, squeezing them, and hear my reward in his groan. I feel his tongue push pass my lips and I taste that lime soda on his tongue, feeling that heat again between my legs. I feel those hands on my butt, feel him lift me, and I put my arms around his shoulders. I hear the door close and then feel the cold restroom sink under my butt. I feel those hands move up onto my hips and I move my hands into that hair I've been wanting to touch all night, happy I did make him leave that sword at home because it could get in the way of my hands in that hair. I put my tongue in his mouth, tasting that lime soda again, and hear him say my name. Did he just do that again? Say my name like that? And why do I like it so much when he says it like that? When he says 'Jazzy' like that? Focus Jazmine. I keep tasting that tongue and feel his hardness on my stomach, so I bring my hand down to touch that lower part again, where his balls and his penis meet, the 'base' mom called it when she showed us pictures the week after that last party. She said that's where the sperm actually are and we shouldn't be scared of it. That's where the sperm are kept and that part of a man is just as sensitive as any other part so we need to be careful with it. I feel my cheeks getting warm thinking about it, press my hand down on that part again, wanting so much to help him again just so I can feel it again in my hand, and hear him groan loud and curse. I feel him pull away and I open my eyes and see those burgundy eyes a few inches away looking down at me. I see him close his eyes and exhale and inhale, several times.

I see those eyes open, look at me, and he says, "I want you to help me right now but not here because you're." I see him stop and I inhale, knowing, and finish for him, "Special." I see him exhale and I continue, "And you're Huey and you're just not that kind of a guy and you're my best friend." I feel those lips on me again, let go of that base, hear him exhale and put my hands in that hair again. I hear him say, in between kisses, thinking how much I don't want this to end, "How much longer?" I bring my hands down from that hair, hold those cheeks, pull back, smile at those eyes, and say, "Midnight okay?" I see him exhale and I say, "In the meantime you can keep talking to people downstairs about things that matter, like how the democrats that are planning on running for president are not extreme enough and we need more than just their promise for free health care and wiping out student loans this time." I see him inhale, see that smile, knowing it's smile number four I have ever seen and I still need the world to see it, and he says, "You are the most aware girl I know." I feel my eyes get big, knowing Huey just said that, and even if we're alone and no one ever hears it, I heard it. He just told me I'm the most aware girl he knows. And I don't care that we live in a city where very few people care about politics or about how the poor really live and about how income inequality is making the poor poorer and the rich richer and how institutionalized racism exists right now everywhere. I don't care that most people in our school, other than at least our friends, don't know about any of that and that he's comparing me to those people. I don't care about Huey comparing me to those people because when Huey compares things he compares things to everything else he knows. And, I know he's met other girls, not just the ones here, but also in Chicago and maybe other places I don't know about and still, he just said I'm the most aware girl he knows. I feel my smile, lean up, kiss those soft lips, feeling those hands squeeze my hips, pull away, see him open his eyes, and I say, "Let's go big hair so we can keep having fun until midnight okay?" I see that smile turn into that cute smirk and hear him say, "Midnight." I feel my smile.

* * *

After we're back downstairs, with Huey back in that crowd, making me feel happy he's talking to people, with Caesar, Hiro, and him talking to some of the math club students, and my sister, Ming, Lauren, and Riley talking to the same guys that want to start that art club, I hear a guy's voice say, "Jazmine." I look over to my left and smile at Phil in his Batman costume and Lena in her Cat Woman outfit. I see them sit down and then Phil says, "I wanted to say you know, thanks again for you know, introducing us." I smile at him, see him look over at Lena, and can't help but feel happy for them. I say, "No problem and honestly I just wish I had more classes with Lena." I see her look over at me, smile at me, and she says, "Is that guy still bothering you in the class you have after ours?" I exhale and say, "Not so much. Just whenever I have to talk to him he says dumb things so I just try to not talk to him at all." I see her purse her lips and then I hear Phil say, "Yeah, I heard about that guy. What does Huey say about it?" I look over at Phil, see those blue eyes, happy he stopped being shy with us after that fundraiser, and I say, "That as long as he doesn't bother me than he'll let me take care of it. And honestly, it's fine as long as he doesn't say anything too dumb. And really, after that last time and what I found out about him, I don't think I'll be okay with him for a while so it doesn't really matter what he says to me anymore." I look away and exhale, remembering what he said and just not believing he was so okay with saying that stuff, like using people was just so easy for him.

I hear Phil say, "Well, I'm not trying to defend him because I'm not cool with girls being treated like that but." I hear him stop, so I look back at him, see him looking down at the table, and he says, "Some girls at this school are alright with guys like that and some even like being treated like that, even when nice guys just wanna be nice to them and I don't know just be their friend, not date them or hook up with them, just be cool with them. But, when you tell them that's what you want they get mad like you not wanting to hook with them is a bad thing." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing I didn't see him talking to girls ever but maybe that's because he did try and some of those girls maybe turned him down when they realized he was such a nice guy. I see a hand on his shoulder, see him look up at Lena, see him smile, and hear him say, "But not all girls are like that and not all guys are like that either. Some girls are cool with just getting to know each other and then all the other stuff can happen if it does, not forcing it. Just letting it happen when it does you know." I feel my smile seeing Lena smile at him and feel like laughing seeing Phil blush. I see him look back at me with that blush that reminds me of when we were all ten and he says, "So all I'm saying is stay away from both of them. Especially that girl. I'm not gonna say anything because that's her business but that girl and those other girls she hangs out with they're you know." I see him stop, look down, exhale, and hear him say, "They're just not nice girls you know." I feel my lips twist and my eyes water thinking that maybe Phil tried talking to Ashley or one of those popular girls and they turned him down because he's so nice. But looking at him I can't help but think how dumb those girls were. Phil's so good looking with his blue eyes, sandy blond hair under his Batman mask, and just so nice and smart and now he's even on the football team. They really lost out. Then I see Lena kiss his cheek and laugh seeing him get completely red again. I see him look up at me with that red face, see him smile and he says, "So thanks Jazmine for you know, letting me meet my girlfriend." I feel my eyes open, same with my mouth, look at Lena, and see her smile and nod, and can't help but laugh again.

Then I hear, "Hey Jazmine." I look over to my right, see Nicki in her Sailor Neptune outfit with that pretty aqua marine wig, and those pretty green eyes. She really looks like Sailor Neptune. I smile at her and say, "Hi Nicki. What's up?" I see her smile at Phil and Lena, say 'hi guys' to them, turn back to me and she says, "Well I just wanted to tell you, because I know you and your friends wanted to know, that security is leaving in fifteen minutes and you're definitely welcomed to stay but I know you didn't wanna be at a party if like anyone from the school that bothered you guys last time was here and I don't know if I can promise they won't come after security leaves." I feel my mouth open and before I can ask she says, "Yeah I know, it sucks. My parents paid them so they could stay until two when I want the party to end but I just talked to the head of security and he told me that they have another party they have to go work at." I see her purse her lips, look away, and she says, "I'm gonna tell my parents so we don't use that company again and they can get a refund for the hours they weren't here."

I look over at the crowd, see my friends and sister still talking to some people, how much fun they're having, exhale, look back at Nicki, and see her worried face looking at me again. I smile at her and say, "Don't worry about it Nicki. I'll let my sister and friends know and they can decide if they wanna leave. It's been the best party we've been to, so just know that okay." I see her exhale, smile, and know what my sister meant when she said Nicki's hot. She really is pretty with those eyes and now knowing how nice and sweet she really is. I hear her say, "Thanks Jazmine and it's been great having you all here. All my club friends liked talking to all your friends and I think some of my friends are even trying to start a new art club with your sister's boyfriend." I feel my smile, look over at Riley and see him still talking to those guys. That would be awesome. I hear Nicki say, "Well come say bye if you do go okay?" I turn back to her, smile at her, and nod. I see her turn to Lena and she says, "And you and your boyfriend are still staying right Lena?" I look over at Lena and I see her smile and nod at Nicki. I hear footsteps leave, see Lena turn to me, and she says, "You should join our math club Jazzy. We need more girls." I smile and say, "I would Lena but I'm still volunteering at the nursing home. Maybe next semester." I see her smile. Next semester, that's not too long from now. Wait, time. What time is it? I pull out my phone, see it's a little pass 11:30 and I told Huey midnight. I exhale, thinking maybe it's okay if we stay until midnight. It'll only be fifteen minutes of no security. I look back at the crowd and see my little sister in her 'Fuu' outfit with that pink dress, her small sandals, and Momo on her shoulder and I exhale, not wanting her to go through what she went through last time.

I look over at Lena, see her smirk at me, and she says, "I'll see you on Monday, go." I smirk, look back at Phil, and say, "Take care of her after security leaves okay because she's really pretty." I see him smile so big I don't think I knew just how good looking he was until right now and he says, "Of course."

I grab my bag, my bestie's book, holding my cell all in the same hand, and walk over to the crowd, happy I feel comfortable in this party even though I know what I'm wearing is a little revealing. It's been so much fun. I exhale, get to that afro, see him stop talking to the group he was talking to, turn to me, see those burgundy eyes look down at me, feeling flushed, swallow, remember why I'm here, and tell him about security. I see him inhale and I grab his hand with my free hand. I look back down at my phone and see it's 11:35. I look up, see him turn back to the group, look over at Caesar, and I look over and see Caesar look at Huey. I see some kind of exchange between them, see Caesar exhale, turn to Hiro and whisper to him. I hear the guys all say we're leaving and I see the group they were talking to look at me and smile. I smile and say bye to, feeling sad we're leaving and how much fun this has actually been. I feel that pull on my hand and I follow those broad shoulders.

As we get to my sister and friends in the other group I hear Riley say, "Nah man, it's 'bout water colors, I mean black and white is a'ight but you can't get deep with just two damn colors and whatever's between 'em. Shit, that's why colors are there. Think about that shit." I feel my eyes get big hearing Riley. I feel that warm hand let go, I'm sure to go around the group to go tell Riley about security. I see my little sister, walk up to her, grab her shoulder, see her look back at me with that very dark eyeliner and those rosy cheeks and can't help but smile. Focus Jazmine. I lean in and whisper into her ear about security. I pull away, see her pursed lips, see her nod, and then feel confused seeing a mask from the movie 'Scream' out of the corner of my eye. I look to my right at the person in that mask and black costume and see him looking in our direction, feeling really uncomfortable. I shake my head, look back down at my phone, see it's 11:40 and wonder if security left even earlier. I should tell Nicki. And she told me to say bye if we did leave.

I look up at that afro, see him talking to his brother, see him turn back to me, and I point to the guy with the mask. He looks at him, looks back at me, says something to his brother, and walks up to me. As he gets close, I put my hand on those shoulders, lean up towards his ear, feel him bend down, wanting to smile that I'm that short that he has to bend down even if I get on my tippy toes to get to his ear, and whisper, "I wanna say bye to Nicki." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Hurry." I smile, lean back down, grab that warm hand, and head back to the back of the yard where I saw Sailor Neptune walk towards. As we get close I see Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus and can't help but smile at how pretty they both are. I let go of his hand, walk up to them, see them turn to me, and I say, "Okay, so we are gonna go but thank you again Sam and Nicki. It was great." I hear that monotone voice, remembering how he was raised no matter how much he doesn't like small talk, behind me say, "Thank you." I see them smile at us and then I hug Nicki, whisper about the guy with the mask and how I think security left earlier than they said they would, and she thanks me. Then I hug Sam, and whisper, "Take care of her because she's really really sweet Sam and remind her that it's her party and she can end it whenever she wants okay." I feel her hug me tighter and she whisper's, "Thanks Jazmine." I say, "Call me Jazzy." I feel her nod into my shoulder, pull away, and see her smiling at me.

I smile back, turn back to those burgundy eyes, and see them looking across the yard towards the house. I look around the yard and see a couple of witches that have to be cold, a few dead football players, some ghost, and costumes I think people just put together in their garage and closets. Then I feel my eyebrow rise seeing a blonde playboy bunny, which is really just a set of black bunny ears, a maid's choker with a bow, white cuffs with long black gloves, a black strapless swimsuit with a bunny tail on the back, and black pumps, knowing who that girl is, and wonder with the money and house she has why she's not having a party there. I feel that warmth around my hand, feel the pull, and follow those broad shoulders, feeling stares this time from those dead football players and ghosts and feeling guilty wanting them to stare at the witches and bunny instead of me.

As we get to the house I see that person with the 'Scream' outfit in the corner, reminding me of that last party when Cairo was leaning on the side of the wall of the backyard, just looking at me. I look down, knowing I don't like looking down anymore, but feeling almost naked with my arms and legs exposed, walk up closer to Huey, feel his knuckles brush up my hip, and I exhale. I feel him stop, let go of my hand, and before I can ask what's wrong, I see him take off that red open shirt Mugen is supposed to wear, see him turn to me, and put the shirt over my shoulders. I smile, put my arms through the arm holes, keeping my purse over my shoulder and moving the book from one hand to the other, feel him grab my hand again, and we continue walking towards the house, feeling better about this shirt that smells like Irish Spring soap covering my arms and my butt and my thighs.

As we get through the house I hold the book over his shirt tighter seeing girls in costumes that look more like clothes I see in Gangstalicious's music videos, and guys not wearing costumes at all, just looking like they're going to a party, walking pass us.

As soon as we're outside, in front of the house, I see the vans for the security guards are gone and they did leave early. I hope Nicki's parents get their money back.

I look over at Leo's car, see my little sister's brown hair, Ming's black hair, and Lauren's blue hair over the hood of that car, getting in the back of the car, happy we all fit in Leo's car because it's a Cadillac Escalade. I feel my smile knowing he bought a used one, even though it's still really new, because there's no point in buying a new car because Leo said, 'as soon as it's off the lot it depreciates in value' and Huey said, 'buying a new one just makes the white man sitting at the top of the financial company richer'. And I like that that car can fit eight people if we make the back row into a bench. And that's where us girls, because we're smaller than the guys, are going to sit. As we get to the car I exhale, feeling happy we get to go home now. Poor Nicki. It seemed like she was having a good time to. Hopefully Sam takes my advice and reminds her girlfriend that she can stop the party whenever she wants.

I get up to the door, see Caesar in the front passenger seat putting on his seatbelt, Hiro and Riley in the two full seats behind the driver and front passenger seat doing the same thing, see my friends sittings in in the back row, feel that hand let go, those warm hands on my hips, feel a lift, smile, and jump in, grabbing Riley's hand for support. I feel those warm hands leave my hips, feel Riley's hand leave my own, grab Lauren's hand as she helps me further in, and smile, sitting down next to her with Huey's book on my lap. I hear the automatic door close, look to my left at my friends, and feel my smile get bigger seeing Hiro's red cape around Lauren's body, the top of Caesar's orange gi on Ming's shoulders, and Riley's dark blue Kimono over my little sister's shoulders. I feel so happy for us and the sweet guys we have. The sweet guys that got us out of there before it got bad. That party. It was so much fun. Hopefully we can do that again.

I hear a door close, look to the front, see that afro in the driver's seat that's the only person that has a permit in this car and I know drives safe enough that police never look at him twice. And if they do stop him I will not let them racially profile him without a good argument. I exhale, seeing him put his seatbelt on, and know we'll be home soon, safe from creepy people. I hear the car turn on, look at the rearview mirror, see those dark burgundy, almost auburn, eyes looking at me, and exhale. I can almost swear I see that pull on his face even if I can't see his lips. I see those eyes look towards the road, feel the car move, and I look back at that house we were just in. I see some more people walking in, also wearing really bad costumes, no costumes, or just close to nothing. Then I inhale, seeing that person, I think a guy, with that 'Scream' outfit on the front yard looking at us. I also see Ashley in that playboy bunny outfit standing next to him and talking to him. I exhale, remembering what Phil said, how she might have been one of the girls that was mean to him, and know I'm not going to feel sorry for her anymore. I feel a warm small hand grab my hand, and I exhale and put my head on Lauren's shoulder, happy to be going home as the car moves.

* * *

I ask, "Did she reply sis?" I see her exhale, taking off that pretty kimono, looks back at her phone on my bed, smiles at it, and says, "Yeah. Just said her girl's shutting it down right now cuz of the stupid people that got there." I exhale and say, "Good. She doesn't need people there that she didn't invite." I start taking off the clips in my hair and then hear both our phones vibrate, look down at my phone on the bed, and say, "Sissy, Laurie just texted that she's home to." I hear her say, "Cools. Night was great until security fucken took off." I take off the last clip, take off the wig, and smile seeing that brown wig in my hands. I exhale, happy with the night, look up and see my sister looking at her wig with a smile. I see her look up, smirk, and she says, "Think Riles thought it was cool but I think he likes ma real hair more." I smile and say, "Let's hurry back sissy." I see her smile, nod, and turn, walking to her room to get ready.

* * *

After we're done we walk over to the Freeman house, without waking up Leo or mom knowing Leo will probably want to walk us over and we don't want him getting up just for that. We walk in, knowing the door is unlocked, close the door, lock it behind us, look inside, see the lights are off other than the ones coming from their rooms, and the guys are not around. I look at my sister, see her move her shoulders up and down, hug me, and then walk up to Riley's room. I look down the hallway and see Huey's door open with his lights on. As I walk closer to the door I hear the trombone and trumpets, feel my smile, hear the bass, and feel it get bigger hearing the vocals start, 'I think it's time we blow this scene. Get everybody and the stuff together. Ok, three, two, one, let's jam!'

I stop at the door, exhale, feel myself focus on that door frame, inhale, walk into the room, close the door behind me, put my night bag on the drawer by the door, turn back to the bed, see those feet, those calves, those dark basketball shorts he likes using to go to sleep in, that white cotton shirt that's thick and white like the bedsheets on that bed, see that book he's holding, and make a mental note to look for more books from that author. I see him bring that book down, see him look at my hair, and feel my smile seeing him exhale. He likes my natural hair. I like it to. It reminds me of who I am, which I'm still learning about, but I know I'm part black.

My hair also reminds me of how smart he is. How after I almost burned my hair off that day, washing it, drying it, washing it again, and drying it again, I came to him, so he could fix it because I knew he could. I remember I was so ashamed I had done that to my hair. I had been like everyone else and I just knew he would never be my friend again and I just had to be okay with that. Really, I just wanted him to fix it so I could spend more time with him, even though I knew after that day, after he fixed it, he would never talk to me again. I just knew it. I had lost him. And then when he shut the door, I knew I had lost him. I remember looking down at my wet sandals, cute pink sandals I had from the last time my parents had taken me to the beach and all of sudden, I wanted to throw those sandals away. I didn't want to look at them. They were ugly sandals. They were plastic ugly sandals. Plastic and ugly like I was after I changed my hair to look more like something I wasn't. I wasn't white. I knew that. The girls at school told me enough that I knew. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it was a bad thing to not be white. I knew my hair, my lips, and maybe even my skin color not being white enough was a bad thing. I was a bad thing. I was weird and ugly and I tried changing it by putting that stuff on my hair. But, inside I would always be ugly because those girls at school were right. If I wasn't completely white, I was ugly. I remember looking at those pink plastic sandals and knowing I was just like them, plastic and fake like those girls on TV with the big boobs and the big lips that I knew weren't real. I was ugly and plastic like them. The girls at school told me I was ugly. Now I was also plastic. I was ten and I was weird and ugly and plastic. And because of that, I didn't deserve him as a friend. I remember looking back at that door, saying I was sorry for everything, but specially for being plastic and ugly. And then, I turned around, knowing as soon as I got to the trashcans by the garage I was going to throw away those ugly sandals and I was going to go up to my room and cry because I was just as ugly and plastic as those sandals and because I was those things I had lost him.

I remember getting to that sidewalk, looking at those trashcans from there, and then feeling something warm and strong on my shoulder, holding me. I turned around, saw those eyes I thought were a brownish red at the time, heard him say he could fix it, not really hearing anything else about how he could, just knowing I heard he said he could. I remember hugging him and crying some more, not knowing I had been crying, but happy, happy because he wanted to help me even after I put that stuff on my hair, after I became like everyone else, after I was ashamed of my hair that I thought came from Tom's part of the family. I realized as I was hugging him, that I had been ashamed about that side of me, my black side, because of what those girls said to me at school, the things my best friend didn't know they said to me at school. I was also ashamed because Tom didn't want to talk about that part of my family anymore and I didn't know why, and because I just didn't know what or who I was and if I would ever be pretty if those girls at school called me those names so much. I wondered if I would ever grow out of my ugliness. I remember smelling his shirt, not caring that I was smelling it and putting my tears and buggers on it, just wanting him to remind me that it was okay to be me, to be his best friend, no matter what I was. Smelling his shirt, knowing who he was, made me also think that I wanted to be black, at least little. I wanted to be proud and part of something so colorful and amazing like him. I didn't know if I would feel different about it on Monday morning when those girls would call me those names again, but at least at that moment, I didn't care as long as he was my best friend. And maybe hopefully one day I would know what I was and be proud of it and maybe even be part of something as colorful and smart as the black community was, because that's what Huey was and he was black. My best friend was black and I loved it.

That day, when he let me put my snots on his shirt, grabbed my hand, walked me up his room, sat me on his bed and left me there to go to the garage saying there was toxic stuff in there and didn't want me following him, coming back half an hour later with a bottle of pink liquid and telling me to put it on, I remember those hours of waiting for him to come back, putting that stuff on my hair that smelled like bubble gum, feeling him put that stuff in my hair in his restroom while I hummed a song, happy he was still my best friend, I just felt happy, happy he cared. I felt happy because he was acting like my best friend, not giving me the bottle and just telling me to do it myself and sending me home and then never talking to me again, like I still thought I deserved. He had grabbed my hand, taken me to his restroom and put that bubble gum smelling stuff on my hair himself. And the best part was hearing him talk about that stuff and how he made it with those numbers and letters I didn't understand and hearing him complain about Grandad and Riley wanting more of that hair stuff. He was just talking to me like we were still best friends and would still be after that day. I didn't want to imagine my life without my best friend. And, I felt happy he wanted my hair to be like it used to be, big and fluffy. As I sat there in his restroom, humming, happy he was putting that stuff on my hair to fix it, I even remembered a day on our hill when he compared my hair to big fluffy clouds. I knew at that moment he liked my hair and maybe he liked who I was, even if wasn't sure about who I was. He's always liked my hair.

I see those dark burgundy eyes come down from my hair that's down and still a little wet from showering only because I wanted to take the smell from that party and so many people off me before coming to his house. I see those eyes stop at my face and wonder what he sees, now that I have no makeup, no kind of revealing outfit, wearing my pink sweater and my jeans. I see him put down that book, hoping he made sure to mark the page he was on, see him get up from the bed, walk up to me, crane my neck to see that stubble I'm going to kiss tonight, and then feel those lips on mine. I feel my small smile, put my hands on those shoulders I like so much, feel those hands on my hips, and before he can do anything else, I jump and put my legs around that waist. I hear him groan, taste his tongue, that toothpaste he uses, feel those warm hands on my butt, feel him carrying me, and then that clean warm bed on my back. I feel those hands on my hips, that cock on my stomach, and remember I have my jeans on. I bring my hands down from those shoulders, put them between us, start unbuckling my jeans, feel him pull away, and hear him say, "Jazmine, what are you," but I cut him off with, "Taking off my pants because I'm going to help you, now lay down." I swallow, trying to figure out when I got this courageous, even with him, see him look at me with those eyes, see that smirk, and feel him move away. I see him step back, I get off the bed, and feel him looking at me as I take off my converse, my socks, and my jeans, which I realize we've never done. I look back up at those eyes and see him looking at my low-rise purple and white striped cotton underwear that tie at the hips and I thought were a little too big to be sexy but right now I'm starting to think they're a little too revealing on the sides. I exhale, pull my pink sweater over my head, leaving me in only my white spaghetti strap I was going to use to sleep in, with no bra. I was also going to wear my shorts that are in my night bag but I can't remember what color those shorts are right now. Also, I just realized how tight this shirt is, enough that it's hugging my stomach. Then I feel myself squirm seeing him lick his lips and wonder if I really want to wait until my birthday next year. Focus Jazmine.

I swallow and say, "Lay down." I see that tall figure move to the bed, not taking his eyes off of my stomach for some reason, and lay down like he was when I had walked in. I exhale, get on top of the bed, by his legs, grab that book that's on the bed, knowing how important they are to him, climb back down, walk over to the nightstand next to him, put it down, hear him exhale and curse, feel that hand on my left hip, look to my right, see that face move in, and feel his lips on mine. I open my mouth, put my hands in that hair, and then remember. I pull away, see those glazed eyes, push those shoulders back on to the headboard, and he lets me. I look down at that stubble remembering he's my boyfriend and I can do this. I move in, kiss that chin, feeling that soft hair, and see his chest move up with that. I pull away, smile at those glazed eyes, step back to where his legs are, crawl back onto the bed next to his legs again, go over his legs, and this time stay on top of him, with my legs spread over his legs. I look back at those dark burgundy eyes and see them go from my hair, to my face, back down to my stomach and know last time we did this with the lights off. I exhale, remember he's my Huey, and he doesn't care if my hips are too wide, my hair is too big, I have acne scars my friends say they can't see but I can, or that I'm not ask skinny as girls like Ashley. He likes me just like I am, with my wide hips, my fluffy hair, my skin that's darker than it used to be, and my curves I'm starting to really like. And, I really want to taste it this time. I take the scrunchy I remembered to keep on my wrist, grab my fluffy hair, and put it in that scrunchy to hold it down, seeing that beautiful eyebrow rise, probably confused.

I put my hands on the bed next to his hips, look down at that cock under those shorts, not believing still that I do that to him, and pull down on those shorts with my right hand. I see those hips lift and pull down those shorts and briefs with my right hand while he pulls the left side down. Once it's out I swallow the saliva in my mouth, hoping I do this right, because I don't want to hurt him and I want him to like it. I place my hand on that base again, hear him inhale, put my hand around that base, hear him curse again, and move up slowly like I read online. I go up and down slowly to make sure to make the blood flow. I see his hands grab on to the bed sheets again and feel my smile knowing that's a good sign. I want him to really like this. And, I need to stop thinking about that heat that's building between my legs. Focus on Huey. I continue stroking, making sure I use that precum that's coming out of him, knowing what it is and knowing it's good for coating it, but I could get pregnant with just that if we don't use birth control. I hear him say my name in that voice and I look up and see those eyes completely glazed over and that auburn color I've only seen a few times. I exhale, realizing it happens some time at night and when we're doing this, whatever this is. I see him focus on my white shirt, that I also just realized might be see-through. I look back down at his hands, see those knuckles are white now, go back up to his eyes, and seeing those auburn eyes, feel my eyes glaze over seeing him that happy. I want him to be happy. So, I look back down at that cock in my hand, reach the top again, stop at the head like last week, holding it there bent towards his stomach, lower my face towards that cock, hearing him take a long inhale, go even lower down to those balls that are just as sensitive as any other part of his body, lick my lips, open my mouth, feel that cock in my hand move I think, and let my tongue go from the bottom of those balls, up that line between those balls, that's actually the extra skin over the urethra on his penis, tasting that skin I wanted to taste today, and reach the top of his balls where his penis starts.

I hear him curse and say my nickname again, look up, see those eyes are closed, like last time, look back down at that cock, feel my eyes open seeing the cum coming out, and know what I really want to do. Action Jazmine, no more descriptions. I move up and put my mouth over the head that I'm holding, feeling the soft skin with my lips, my hand coated in that precum, feel a push down on my head, hear him say, "God yes", loud, knowing he doesn't believe in religion or god, and close my eyes, tasting it coming into my mouth. I still don't know why I wanted to do this. I don't really think this is what people call 'giving head' or 'giving a blow job' because all I did was stroke his penis, lick him, and then put my mouth over his head after he'd started to cum. I don't know what this is we're doing, but I do know one thing. I was right. He taste like clean vegetables, thick hard work, and energy that only comes from sunshine.

* * *

I'm trying to not think about it. I have more self-control than this. I do. But it was less difficult yesterday because she left early in the morning to spend time with her mother and sister at the mall. So I didn't have to look at those lips all day, thinking about what she had done the night before. But today I do. I inhale pulling out my book for my second period, knowing I still need to take out the one for my first period, see my journal, and exhale, knowing even though those lips are making me remember, I was looking forward to seeing them all day today. And, most things I look forward to, involve her. They always have. Even those experiments I did on myself as a kid, making myself watch black television for an extended period to see if there were detrimental side effects was in part to make her stop watching any of those shows with actual scientific proof of the negative effects. Yes, the goal was always the betterment of my community, but I considered her part of that community and knew the moment I had any new route or theory on how to better any part of it, I would tell her first. At the time I thought I told her my plans, theories because I wanted to talk out loud to sort them out and needed a living person there so I wouldn't seem even more delusional than I could be at times, like I had really lost my grip on reality, like I did when I finally started seeing that secret agent that was a figment of my imagination. At the time I thought she was just as good as anyone else. I just needed someone there. But, I also only ever asked her. And, I also talked about those plans, those theories, on that hill where I only met her. I exhale, accepting many things for just what they are.

I hear that voice whisper, "Bestie." I look down to my left at those morning jades that are my favorite color. Damn the world and what it thinks if it is my favorite color. I see that smile and hear her say, "Remember to make room for our lunch." I exhale, nod, and let her see my smirk, which is as close as whatever she calls my smile I have ever had at school. I look back to my locker and move some of the books for my other later classes over, the classes that teach nothing but I still have to attend.

Then, I hear that girl that invited us to her girlfriend's party talking to her and hope it's not another party because I want that Saturday night this week, with her sitting on my lap, in my room. I hear that girl panting and hear the words, 'Facebook, pictures, and party', close my eyes, and know I'll be missing homeroom and not enjoying it this time. I look back to my left at her, see those jades look at me with that worried look, exhale, and I say, "Make it to homeroom." I see that smile and feel this 'feeling' knowing she knows what I'm going to do and I do not have to explain it to her. I still need more time to figure out these 'feelings' but for now I need to make it home to my computer. I hear her whisper, "Okay bestie. I'll see you in first." I want to kiss those dark pink lips because I won't get to see them for an entire hour when I normally would but we're in the school hallway, fifteen minutes before homeroom is to start, with some idiot guys looking at her and girls I know pass by to look at me for their own reasons, regardless of the fact that I have a girlfriend, and don't need them seeing anything we do because that stays between us. I see those lips move and hear her whisper, "I know bestie. Later. Promise." I exhale, knowing that might mean until Saturday night because of the numerous responsibilities we both have during the week and for the most part, do not get to be alone until Saturday night. But right now, I have to make sure she's taken care of. I exhale, nod, zip up my backpack, turn back towards the front door of the school entrance and start jogging to make it home, take care of that, and then run back to school before first period begins where I already have the highest rank because it's only precalculus but I like watching her fidget while she tries to understand functions. I like things today. I exhale and run faster towards the entrance of the school.

* * *

I walk into first, see that thick blonde afro being held down by those two small braids, and I exhale. I walk towards the seat next to her, seeing those idiots look away, thinking I wasn't here and they could possibly talk to her today, and inhale, seeing my precalculus book on my desk. We get marked down if we do not bring those damn books to class and I just remembered I didn't take it out of my locker before running back home. She brought it for me. I look over at her, see her smiling at me, without that worried look anymore, and know that run back home was insignificant.

I sit down and hear that voice to my right whisper, "Thank you bestie. You fixed it." I exhale, knowing it only took one e-mail to my connections at Facebook, making them aware of the fact that they are all underaged, and now all the pictures of Jazmine and her sister and friends from that party have been pulled down. I'm sure those pictures are also on students' phones and could be posted through other social media so I also made sure to contact my connections at Instagram, Twitter, and Google, to make them aware of that possibility. Those contacts, who owe me for several 'job's' I completed in the last few years, said they would stay on top of it. And now, at least through Facebook, which was the only platform they were posted on, the few pictures idiot kids took of Jazmine and my brother's and friends' girlfriends before we left have all been removed and cannot be posted again unless those people want their Facebook accounts cancelled. I'm only concerned about the pictures of Jazmine and her friends so I won't put my energy into the other pictures students post that were taken after we left. Also, having thought about it beforehand, the only pictures that were posted of Jazmine and her sister and friends were of them wearing our larger clothing. I exhale, knowing my friends knew what was to come and also put those shirts and capes over them to cover them.

I see my math notebook and a pencil being placed on my desk, knowing she opened my backpack, took out my notebook and pencil, and placed them on my desk, allowing me to gather my thoughts, and I exhale, wondering if 'later' can come before Saturday night.

* * *

I hear Hiro say, "Yeah man I'ma fuck him up if he talks shit again." I look over at him and see him looking over at that table that idiot that tried talking to his girlfriend at that party is sitting. Apparently, he's even more of an idiot and actually told Hiro's girlfriend she shouldn't be with him because Hiro's family is from another fucken continent. Fucken idiot. I look over at that table and see that idiot looking over at the line where I know those hips, along with her sister and friends, are standing in line to get drinks. I feel my eyebrow rise wondering how much of an idiot he actual is, thinking Hiro is someone to be trifled with. Then, I see that idiot look over here and then look away, possibly from Hiro looking at him or from what apparently are the rumors some girls started about Hiro being in some gang because of his tattoos, which is closer to the truth than they know.

I hear Caesar say, "Shit bro, well at least you can just fuck him up. I can't fucken believe I'm dealing with this shit. I thought that shit was done man." I exhale and look over at that girl, his ex-girlfriend, sitting next to the revolutionary moron she cheated on him with because she's apparently no longer seeing that girl Miranda. I exhale longer, trying to relax, looking at that table and seeing that other fucken moron that was hiding behind that mask at this last weekend's party, sitting next to that girl again that was wearing a bathing suit and nothing else when it wasn't a pool party, it's fall and we live in Maryland. I also remember thinking, although I do not like the beach, sand, or warm weather in general, I want to see those hips and curves in a bathing suit one day. Those curves. I inhale seeing that fucken moron looking at those curves that I'm sure are at the front of the line now, over that girl's head again.

I hear my brother say, "Yeah man. The fuck happen? I thought her ass was keeping Miranda's crazy fucking ass busy." I exhale, look back at Caesar, see him looking down at the table, look up at me, and he says, "I know Hu. I can change my number but I don't wanna do that shit just cuz of her. And my mom's and my other family got this number." I exhale and remember, after changing it when he moved here, he did give his new phone number to his family and of course his mother. But there are still ways as long as I know where she lives, which is the most likely place she'll be calling from at night and any other places she might sleep at. I see Caesar exhale and he says, "I mean it was bound to happen man. This school's like that. I think it's that damn fucken counselor that makes it happen. The kids here, the white ones or the ones with money that want something just gotta go to him and he gets them the shit they need. Probably gave it to her cuz she paid his ass or something. I don't know but I know my number's registered with the school cuz my uncle put in on there just in case anything happens to him and they need to find me and I ain't in class. So, I know that's probably how she got it. I knew putting my number there was a bad idea. Shit." I see him exhale, look away, and I hear him say, "And I meant it when I said it. I don't fucken care that she's here. I just don't want her calling or texting me or fucken sending me pictures from different numbers at fucken weird hours of the night man, like fucken last night and then today in the morning. I don't even know if Ming's gonna believe that I didn't give her my number." I exhale and look up at the girls, seeing his girlfriend talking to that blonde afro, seeing those dark pink lips smile, and I exhale.

I hear my brother say, "Caes." I look back down at Riley and see he's turned around, looking at the girls. I hear Caesar respond, "Yeah man." I hear my brother exhale and hear him say, "I 'on't know Ming but I know Cin." I feel my eyebrow rise, see Caesar look over at my brother as he keeps looking at the girls, and I hear my brother say, "And I knows, for a fucken fact man, if Cin found out 'bout some ex texting and calling ma ass through anyone else but me, she wouldn't trust ma ass no more." I feel my eyebrows rise hearing him give good advice to Caesar. I look over at Caesar, see him look at me, with that smirk, knowing he's wondering the same thing about when my brother decided to grow up, see him exhale, stand up, and turn, walking towards the girls. I shake my head, look down and grab the next sandwich with those jalapenos she adds and she doesn't need to know are the only reason I eat as many as she brings me. I take a bite, tasting those jalapenos, look up at that those greens seeing her talking to her sister and Hiro's girlfriend, while Ming looks in our direction, I'm sure seeing Caesar walking towards her. I look back at those greens, down to those lips, and inhale, remembering some of those names. Those fucken names. I feel my temperature rising, see those greens look at me, and exhale, knowing even though I wasn't the best friend to her I should have been, I made sure no one would ever call her those fucken names again. I inhale, being reminded by those names about my LSAT book I didn't bring today and how much work still needs to be done for my people. Then, I feel my eyebrow rise seeing Caesar talking to Ming, holding both her hands in the middle of the cafeteria, either because he's never cared what people think or because he wants to make sure his girlfriend doesn't walk over to his ex-girlfriend after he tells her about those phone calls, texts, and pictures that apparently started last night after those pictures from that party were posted on Facebook.

Apparently, because of those pictures idiot guys and some girls at this school, including Caesar's ex-girlfriend found out how 'committed', which is really another term for 'not cheaters', we are, because dressing up as couples for Halloween somehow proves that, and now they're trying to see if they can test us all again. But, I also understand what's really happening. I exhale. These students, kids, date each other, then date others who have also dated the same people. It's a circle in which STDs are prevalent. I'm not against people dating multiple people, but what these kids do not understand is that by dating and in many of their cases, having sex, with people without protection and using methods like pulling out, which of course can still lead to pregnancy, they are also contracting any STDs those people have through other people they've dated. It's a health risk. One that my people do not suffer as much by because, unlike society believes, the black community is somewhat conservative when it comes to sex and many choose to wait until they're in their later teens or even until they're adults. This of course comes from the fact that many know if they did become pregnant at a young age they wouldn't only have that to deal with but also the fact that their parents, black parents, much of the time fall under the poverty line and cannot afford to help their ill prepared teenage kids that are having a child of their own. Black kids do think about these things. Why have sex and possibly get pregnant when their own family cannot even support them and are still subjected to discrimination in many areas of life?

There is also another reason my community is conservative in this matter and is not fully discussed in history books and that reason is the fact that the black community has suffered from centuries of laws in place that made it difficult to have a settled home with a normal family unit, like the fact that slaves could not marry without the consent of their masters and even if they were given that consent those same masters used those familial connections to control those slaves by owning that person's spouse and children and even selling those children and spouses off if that slave decided they no longer wanted to be treated like cattle. So, many masters used those children, those familial connections, to keep those slaves docile. In response to those laws, most slaves waited to have sex, have children, families, because there was little hope, if any, in actually having those connections without the fear of them being severed by a master. And those ways in which my people lived, survived, with the fear of having children too early and having those connections severed, transcended those times and affect us even today in the form of fear of economic hardship, violence, and racism leading to violence. Slavery turned into subjugation, which then turned into control through laws like redlining and Jim Crow, placing and then keeping my people in the ghettos and under the poverty line, where violence permeates. I close my eyes to prevent the headache that comes when I think about history, how backwards this world is right now, and how my people are thought of today, which is wrong. And then there are these students, these kids that know nothing of this and do not care about any of this history, that are fixated on things like social media and television shows that mean nothing. I exhale. That's why these kids are testing us, because of those pictures on Facebook. These kids that, unlike much of my people, do not use protection are only interested because they think somehow the group that sits at this table is special in that regard, special from the black community and even special from them, because we are 'committed' and are known to not have dated or have had sex with numerous people at this school. I inhale, knowing we are not special from the black community or any other people, we just are. Just like those hips that should be walking over here soon are exactly what she is. I exhale longer, open my eyes, and see those hips, being reminded that she has them more than likely because she's part black, and feel my smirk knowing she's not only part black, she's the most aware girl I know. I take another bite from that sandwich, tasting those jalapenos, waiting for those hips to walk back here.

Then I hear Hiro say, "Riley, since your ass is finally cool talking about how into your girl you actually fucken are, tell me how the fuck to stop these girls from dropping numbers at my desk?" I look over at my brother, see him turn around, see his eyebrow rise and his smirk, knowing he might have grown up a bit but he's still my idiot brother, and I hear him say, "Tell their asses stop being hoes." I hear Hiro's cackle, followed by my brother's, and then hear Ming's voice from here say, "I'ma fuck up that hoe! The fuck's her problem that stupid bitch!" I look up and see Caesar holding Ming, I'm sure trying to calm her down like that last time. I look over at those hips seeing them walk over to Ming and know she's going to help and not make things worse.

I take another bite, seeing the girls reach Ming, now talking to her, as Caesar holds her and I see him look at me with that smirk, I'm sure content she believes him because she found out through him. I look over at my brother seeing him watching the girls, I'm sure looking at Jazmine's younger sister, and I take another bite, knowing having them in the same school, at this age, has helped.

Then I hear Hiro say, "I'ma fuck him up if she tells me he said some stupid shit." I look back at the girls and see that idiot that doesn't know Hiro's reputation walking up to them and I exhale. I put my sandwich down, ready to stop a fight I'm sure will end with someone having a few broken bones and none of them will be Hiro's. I see Caesar say, 'Idiot walking up here', and see the girls turn away from Ming towards that idiot as he gets to them. I exhale, knowing these kids do not want to see a real fight or it might just get my friend expelled. I inhale, knowing I have to be ready to stop that fight, focus on that ass, at the edge of her friends, as that idiot talks to them, and start wondering about the swimsuit again. Then, I see that ass move up, lift her arm in that purple sweater that she says reminds her of Grandad and I stand up, knowing what's about to happen and I won't get there on time to stop her. I start running towards them, hearing my brother and Hiro behind me and see her hand come up and slap that idiot, which he probably deserved, but she's going to get in trouble, making it that much more difficult to stay in AP classes with me. I don't lie to myself. I want her in those classes with me for more than just educational purposes.

I take those last two steps, grab that waist and pull her in, feeling her squirm, and hear her say, "The hell's your problem! You don't talk to her like that you jerk!" I squeeze that small waist and feel her stop squirming, probably knowing she needs to calm down. I hear her sister say, "The fuck's your problem you piece a shit saying that kind of shit to my Laurie! I will fuck you up!" I look over and see my brother standing next to Cindy with his hand on her shoulder I'm sure ready to stop her. Then I hear Ming say, "You better leave you piece a shit before we all fuck you up talking to our girl like that." I look over and see Caesar still holding Ming. Then I hear someone, quieter, say, "I'm gonna say this in the language you like using to flirt with me so you can understand and because I don't want the school knowing." I look down to my right and see Hiro holding Lauren and hear her continue, "Pinche estúpido no lo conoces y te jodera. Él tiene una historia de jediéndose a chicos como tú y peor. No lo provoques. Y no me molestes otra vez o te pondré una demanda de acoso sexual." I see that hand that was helping me two days ago, remembering that gift for her next birthday, come up and hold onto Lauren's shoulder, feeling my smirk, knowing she might be close to being fluent in Spanish with how close Lauren and she are.

Then I hear, "But I will fuck you up before my girl even does that shit." I look at Hiro, see him looking at that idiot, and know that fight at the park was him holding back because he didn't want anything else on his record but that was before he moved here, with a clean record now because of that family he does have, and know he wouldn't care what's added to it as long as he's content, and Jazmine's friend, Lauren, makes him content and apparently knows about his history. I exhale, knowing I do not want him killing some fucken idiot but will only stop him after he makes sure the idiot blacks out.

Then I hear that voice say, "Of course." I close my eyes, knowing that idiot counselor stands by the cafeteria doorway during lunch to catch us during these kinds of times and I know I am not being paranoid about that as I've been called about the government surveillance we live under. Then I hear that voice under me say, "Mr. Leon. Leave. Now." I inhale, open my eyes, and look down at that blonde afro under me and hear that counselor say, "Ms. Dubois you will not," but she cuts him off with, "Mr. Leon I just slapped him because he disrespected my friend and I will do it again. Now you walk away before I call my mom and tell her you stopped me from defending my friend from being sexually harassed." I look at that counselor, see him inhale, and hear Ming say, "Walk away you racist piece a shit." I see him look at Ming, squint his eyes at her, hear Caesar inhale, and wonder just how much not only students at this school, but the staff itself want to test us all. Then I hear Jazmine's sister, low enough that only we can hear, which I didn't think was possible for her, say, "I'ma only say this shit one fucken time Leon. I will fucken post that shit online that you were caught being a trifling piece a shit with that hoe Ashley's mom last fucken week at the school again if you 'on't leave us the fuck alone." I feel my eyebrow rise, not necessarily surprised, but rather because I didn't think he would be that much of a fucken idiot to be caught again, in the same place, after what Jazmine told me. Jazmine. I squeeze that waist and feel her exhale.

I see that counselor look at Cindy, feel that inhale under me, and then hear my brother say, "Don't be looking at ma girl like that you piece a shit and leave." I see that counselor inhale, look down, know his thinking, see him exhale, turn, and walk away.

Then I hear Hiro say, "You come up to my girl again, I'ma look for you and break your arm befor' your ass blacks out." I look back at that guy, see him inhale, like that other fucken moron that came looking for Caesar's girlfriend, thinking he had an actual say in her choices, see him looking at Hiro, see him look away, turn, and walk away.

I hear a few exhales, followed by, "But why not Cairo!" I shiver, remembering we are too close to that table, move my hand away from her waist, grab her hand, and walk back to our table, not wanting these forty-five minutes in which we're supposed to eat and prepare for the rest of the day get worse.

* * *

I ask, "Lena, do you think I can just go hang out with you during your fifth and your teacher will be okay with it? I'll be quiet and do homework. Please?" I hear her laugh, making me smile, and hear her say, "I don't think Ms. Robertson will be okay with that but you could always skip." I exhale, knowing I thought about doing that by going to our room but I don't want to do anything else that I could get in trouble doing today because of what happened during lunch. I can't believe that jerk actually said that to her. I inhale, thinking about Lauren, and how much I want to slap him again.

I hear her say, "I'm gonna be sure to be in AP classes with you next year so I can help you deal with these people." I laugh and then feel my face fall seeing him standing outside of my class again, looking this way. I close my eyes, open them, look back at Lena, see her looking at me, and hear her whisper, "Just think about your sister's game and it'll make you happy." I feel my smile coming back and can't help but stop, bring my arm around her shoulders and bring her in. I hear her laugh, feel her arms around me, and hear her whisper, "I'll be there rooting for your sis and your friends and when football season starts I want you all at my boyfriend's games okay?" I smile, exhale, and say, "Okay."

I let go, see her turn, and I watch her keep walking to her class. I feel my smirk, knowing no matter how bad some people at this school are, some people are awesome. I turn to my class, see him again, exhale, pass him, and walk into class.

* * *

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Okay, since we are discussing rates of incarceration, specifically in the U.S. since the nineteen-seventies, I want you all to discuss the ways in which having racialized incarceration can affect a society. Write down whatever it is you discuss on a piece of paper and don't worry about writing everything down, just as much as you can. Make sure to write everyone's full name at the top of the page. One page per group. And try to see other's points of view on this very controversial topic. Groups of three to four people only and work on this until the end of class."

I exhale, thinking how much more these students could learn from Huey being in this class, then I hear a girl's voice say, "Hey Jazmine, can we be in your group?" I look up, smile, and say, "Sure Adah, but it's just me so that's good because that makes three." I see Adah and Johnny smile and I exhale, knowing I like them both because they've always been nice. I see Adah sit in the seat next to me and Johnny in the seat in front of her, then I hear, "Hey can I be in your group?" I exhale, look away, and hear Johnny say, "Sure." I inhale and look at the clock on the wall. Twenty minutes and then class is over. I can handle twenty minutes with Cairo. I turn back to Adah, see both her and Johnny turned their desks and chairs to look at me, and she has a paper on her desk. I smile, happy she's gonna do the writing this time, stand up, turn my desk towards them, not looking at him sitting to my left, sit back down, exhale, I say, "Okay, who wants to start?"

I hear Johnny say, "I guess I can start. I mean I know with my family all being part of our church I always hear about how we gotta help the people that come out of jail or prison the most because they need to repent and change their ways but it's hard for them because they can't show up to church like they're supposed to every Sunday and do their confessionals because they're at their parole officer's or doing community service. So, I don't know how we can help them like that, but I know people being in jail and coming out affects them going to church and that affects society." I feel my small smile, knowing he's really religious but I've never seen him treat people from other religions differently and I like that about him. I look back at Adah, see her writing, look up at me, and she says, "Well I think with that I can see that those people coming out of prison have a lot of problems already, not just going to church but like just getting a job because I think people don't like hiring people that come out of prison." I feel my exhale, knowing they're not getting the subject we're supposed to be talking about. Then I hear Cairo say, "Teacher means about race and shit. Like how being black means you go to prison more than whites and how that makes it harder for blacks." I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering how my bestie told me about how he used to stand out there with him on those sidewalks. But, he's also not getting it. I hear Johnny say, "But Ms. Reed said how it affects society. Society is not just one race." He's right, but he's not getting it either. I exhale, thinking about that smart afro.

Then I hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "Good introduction into the topic." I look up, see her looking over Adah's shoulder at the paper, and then she says, "But you're missing the subject matter. Look at the prompt again and see if you can figure it out." I exhale, seeing her walk away, and then hear Adah say, "I just don't get it, what are we missing? I wrote down that we talked about people coming out of prison and not being able to do things like going to church, being part of the community like that, and finding jobs and how African Americans go to prison more than other races and it affects them. I just don't know what she means. This class confuses me." I hear Johnny say, "Yeah. I don't get it either. I like Ms. Reed but the stuff she teaches is just hard to understand sometimes." I exhale and hear Cairo say, "I mean I know she's talking 'bout race and shit and how people that are in the same race go to prison cuz she said racialized and I know what incarceration means but I don't get what she thinks we're missing and shit." I look away and exhale, thinking if maybe he would've been on that sidewalk with that warm brain with those maroons and those dreads with that big smile, he would have learned about this stuff.

I hear Adah say, "Jazmine you know about this stuff. What are we missing?" I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at her, see her smiling at me, and then hear Johnny say, "She's right Jazmine. You've always been into this stuff and I know you always give the right answer when Ms. Reed asks questions. What are we missing?" Before I can answer him I hear Cairo say, "What you mean always been into this stuff?" I look away, not wanting to talk to him if I can avoid it, and then hear Johnny say, "Well, I've known Jazmine since middle school and she's always known about all this stuff about races." I feel my eyes get big, look back at Johnny, see him looking over Adah's shoulder at her notes and I feel my smirk seeing Adah blushing and looking away. I guess she thinks Johnny's cute.

I see Adah look at me, see that blush, and feel my smile, seeing her look at me with that look telling me to not say anything about her thinking Johnny's cute. I nod and see her smile and exhale. Then I hear Johnny say, "So, what are we missing Jazmine?" I exhale, look down at that paper with those three lines written down and say, "There's two parts to it. The first one is the racialized incarceration part. It kind of means that incarceration, you know like the process of committing a crime, being tried, and punished for the crime by being sent to prison, is racialized. So, the process affects races differently. Like, over all other races the black community does get affected the most where they are more likely to get arrested, tried, and giving worse punishments, like longer time in prison or having to do more community service, which is really expensive for people that are usually working more than one job already." I exhale, thinking about those arguments I'm starting to remember Tom and mom having over how he didn't put in as much work helping a black defendant over a white one. I see Adah writing on that paper, see her white hand holding that pen as she writes, remembering she's Jewish but she looks white, and remember she was one of those girls in our elementary and middle school that was nice to me.

I exhale and say, looking at her write on that paper, "The second part is how that affects society. So." I exhale, remembering that afro telling me about that 'scared stiff' thing Riley and he were sent to, and say, "When people come out of prison, who are mostly black, they have to look for work, a place to live." I stop, thinking about Mr. Willis's place, inhale, and continue, "And just a way to be part of society again, like getting a job, but it's hard for them to find work, like Adah said." I see her stop writing, see her brown eyes look up at me, smile at me, and look back down at that paper. I continue, watching her write, "It's hard for them because of their record. And without a job how are they supposed to find a place to live? And some of those people have been in prison for a long time and don't have a credit or work history, you know all that stuff you need to get even an apartment." I exhale, feel my smile seeing Johnny looking over Adah's shoulder with his own blush, and continue, "So, it's like how a certain race, the black community, goes to prison more because of our racialized justice system, and then those people come out and find it hard to find work because of that record. That whole process affects society in every way, like those people not contributing to society by not being able to get a job, not being able to go to school because they can't get financial aid because of their record, and just their whole life. Like if they can't get a job and can't contribute to society by working, then they'll be poor and will have to live off the government, and then when they get older and get their retirement from the government that's all they have." I exhale, seeing her write, remembering those new bunk beds the shelter has, and say, "And those people, even at that age when they're getting their retirement, are sometimes homeless and have to use the address to a shelter just to get their retirement check because they have nowhere else to live. Luckily, some shelters are really nice and let them use their address. So, from the beginning those people that are now homeless were put in prison by laws, laws that don't make sense sometimes, like giving tickets to the homeless for sleeping on sidewalks when they have nowhere else to go, and a justice system where there's proof that judges give worse sentences to black people, like felonies instead of misdemeanors but don't do the same with other races, and then they come out of prison with that record, not being able to find work, a place to live, and then becoming a burden to the government and the community. Like how is a race, any race, supposed to come out of that?" I exhale, seeing Adah's hand writing across that page, halfway down the page now, and say, "That's what it is. Racialized incarceration and the way it affects society is that whole story." I wonder if that afro and our friends will ever see things be different.

I feel my smile seeing Johnny looking at Adah's brown hair now instead of the page and then hear, "That nigga tell you all that shit?" I inhale, close my eyes, look away from him, and wonder if Ms. Reed will let me go to the restroom for the last ten minutes of class. Then I hear Adah's voice say, "Actually, I don't think Jazmine heard that from anyone. I think she's always known about that stuff because of just who she is." I open my eyes, look up at her, see her smiling at me, see her look away with that smile gone, sad I think, confusing me, and then I hear her say, more quietly, "I've known Jazmine since elementary and I remember seeing her and how much she you know, went through stuff, so I know she's into this kind of stuff because of that and just having a strong personality." I feel my mouth open, knowing I have known her for a long time, we just never got to hang out but she was always nice to me in class. I don't remember being close to her though so I don't know why she would say that. Then I hear Johnny say, "Yeah. I remember that stuff to." I look up at Johnny, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him giving me a sad look to, see him look away, and hear him say, "I remember middle school and it was bad. Kids there were just mean you know. Saying really dumb things." I inhale, remembering seeing him maybe once in the cafeteria in sixth grade when those kids were calling me those names. That's when it got really bad, sixth grade, because both girls and boys were bullying me by then. And, no one knew what was happening at school because we were in different middle schools that year. I was alone at school.

I hear Adah say, "Those girls shouldn't have said that stuff and I should've said something. I'm really sorry Jazmine." Elementary school, when it started, and I hated going to the restroom because that's where they would corner me, those mean girls, and call me those names. Huey and Riley were at that school to but the bullying happened in the girls' restroom so they never knew. My sister was in that school to but we weren't close yet. So, I was alone there to. I look back at Adah and see her giving me a small, sad smile. I feel my mouth open, still not knowing what to say, and hear Johnny say, "Yeah. I remember and I knew I wanted to say something but I never did. I'm sorry Jazmine." I look up at Jonny's brown eyes and see him looking at me and then look down at the table, almost ashamed. I feel like I've lost my voice or just don't know how to use words because I don't know what to say to them. And I know I thought about some of that stuff this last weekend, but I know it doesn't hurt anymore.

Then I hear Cairo's voice say, "The fuck they say to you?" I turn to him, see him looking at me that same way again but a little angry I think, then I hear Johnny say, "Not trying to bring it up Jazmine." I look back at him, see him giving me a small smile, and he says, "And, even though I don't believe in it, I was kind okay with what Huey did that day." I feel my smile, hear an inhale to my left, knowing it's coming from him and don't want to look at him again, and then hear Adah say, "Yeah, I remember that day." I look over at her, see her smiling at me now, and she says, "I was there in the cafeteria. I remember not knowing who those boys you were sitting with were but knowing I didn't see them the year before." I feel my smile getting bigger remembering that first day in seventh grade, after mom dropped us all off at school, and we had all gone to our classes. I didn't know if I would see him until after school because I knew he didn't like being around a lot of people, specially kids our age, and was probably going to be in some class or rooftop, reading a book, during lunch. Then at lunch, knowing I had to eat, and hoping I could just get my food and go eat in the library or a classroom and read, I went to the cafeteria and found them, Huey and Riley, sitting at that table in the middle of the cafeteria, wondering why he was sitting there, surrounded by all those kids. I walked up to that table, saw those eyes look at me, and smiled at my bestie. That was Huey and Riley's first year at my middle school, after Grandad had moved them from their old middle because mom told Grandad she could drop them off at my middle school if he did switch them. Now that I think about it, I think mom knew what was happening and that's why she told Grandad to move them to my middle school. My sister moved to our middle school the next year. But, I remember that day. That lunch. I feel my smirk now, see Adah smiling and she says, "Yeah. I remember. That guy, I forgot his name." I exhale, look away and say, "Chase." I hear her say, "Yeah that guy Chase. He came up to your table and then I saw Huey get up and punch his stomach and his face." I feel my smile again, remembering what my bestie did.

I hear Cairo say, "The fuck that asshole say to you?" I feel my lips purse, not wanting to answer him, and then hear Johnny say, "He was just you know, racist." I inhale, remembering, and exhale, knowing I would punch him myself today. I hear Cairo say, "The fuck?" I roll my eyes, not wanting to talk to him, look back up at that clock and see it's almost time, and exhale. I hear him continue, "The fucker called you names cuz you were mix?" I exhale and hear Johnny say, "No. He was racist. And." I hear him stop, so I look back at Johnny, see him looking down at the desk again and hear him say, "I remember some of those names and he said them because Jazmine was part black, not because she was mix. He wasn't like that with people that were mix, just her. He was just, you know, racist against her because she was black." I feel my smile, knowing I actually like that part of me now. I hear Adah say, "Yeah. So that's how I know that because of that stuff, the stuff in elementary and then that stuff in middle school, where really dumb racist kids would say really dumb things to Jazmine, she got into the stuff she knows now, not because of anyone else." I look at Adah, see her smile at me, remember I have to get to know her more one day, feeling my smile on my face, and she says, "Even though it's kind of funny that some of the kids that called her that stuff kind of have a crush on her now." I feel my mouth open, see her laugh, and she says, "Yeah. Don't worry about it. They look but I don't think they'll ever try talking to you, probably afraid you'll remember it was them that were mean to you. And even more than that, I know they won't try anything." I see her stop, smirk at me, and she says, "Because of Huey." I laugh, closing my eyes, hear the bell ring, open my eyes, see everyone standing to leave and I exhale, ready to see that afro that punched Chase that day.

Then I hear someone say my name, look to my left, see Cairo looking at me, and hear him say, "You know I would've fucked up assholes like that to." I exhale, get up, turn my desk so it's facing the front of the class again, grab my notebook, bend down, put it in my 'jazzy' backpack, zip it up, and hear him say, "Just give my ass a chance Jazmine." I get up and see him standing next to his desk, blocking my way. I inhale, feel my lips purse, see his fade, how tall he really is, maybe taller than the one time I flipped him over, his earrings, the skin that's lighter than Huey's, and the dark brown eyes. I know girls think he's cute but I don't lie and I told Huey I only want him and he's way cuter. I exhale, turn around, hear him call my name, walk to the other end of the class, turn to my left and use the backdoor to walk out, ready to meet that afro that's been punching guys for me since seventh grade.

* * *

I want to kill him. Tomorrow. I will kill him tomorrow. I hear her say, "Bestie calm down please." I exhale, close my eyes, and put my face in that hair, wondering if I can kill him tonight. I hear that voice say, "Whatever it is you're thinking, it's not that bad, I promise, so just calm down okay." I exhale, put my chin back on that shoulder, and wonder if those gases up there are also laughing at my expense. I inhale, squeeze her, and feel her move further into my body, covered from the cold of November by my wool coat, having remembered to bring it knowing who Jazmine is and the fact she wouldn't remember to bring hers.

After five minutes of silence, under that coat, letting me smell those particles of her hair up here on this hill that remains untouched by the government, knowing it must be pass ten, based on getting home at eight from her volunteer service and my job, finishing homework almost an hour and a half later, and walking up here after she asked if we could, I say, "We should head back." Even though I don't necessarily want to, I trained yesterday and will be letting my body rest tonight so I don't have anything else to do after this other than reading more of _Up From Slavery_, and I'm not looking forward to trying to go to sleep thinking about those lips, I remember it is a school night, and we both need to rest and have responsibilities.

I exhale, pull back, and feel those warm hands grab my arms that are still around her. I say, "Jazmine, we should," but she cuts me off with, "I know bestie, I just wanted to tell you something before we go." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing she already told me about that fucken moron I want to kill tomorrow solely on the fact that he asked her to give him a chance knowing she belongs to me. I exhale, wondering when I stopped caring how the world works because people do not belong to other people.

I hear that voice say, "I know we talked about it already, what happened today, you know with Johnny and Adah reminding me and what the jerk said but." I hear her stop, see that hair move down through that moonlight, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "I wanted to say thank you for doing that, that day. For defending me." I inhale, remembering, and then hear that voice say, "Why is your temperature rising bestie? It was a long time ago." I close my eyes, trying to calm down, not wanting to bring this up, not because of how angry it still makes me, but because I'm sure it still causes her some grief even if she doesn't acknowledge it. I feel those hands leave my arms, those shoulders move around, and know she's facing me now, between my legs, under this coat that's keeping the cold night air from our bodies.

I open my eyes and see that moonlight coming through that thick hair I was smelling again, remembering how much I wanted to do that whenever I would see it down and loose like she wears it more often now. I can also see those greens now because of the position of the moon during this time of the year, reminding me of that first time she 'helped me', and I inhale, trying to relax.

I hear that voice say, "It was a long time ago Huey. And I'm just happy you were there and punched that jerk. I know you don't know about the other stuff but." I hear her stop and I exhale, knowing she doesn't know, and hear her say, "But he wasn't the only one that was saying those really horrible things. But because of what you did that day, they all stopped." I exhale, put my hands on those hips, hear her swallow, remembering what she said in her mother's dining room that first day she became my girlfriend, and I say, "I knew."

I hear her swallow, see that face turn to the left, letting me see those freckles illuminated by that moonlight, and I hear her say, "Knew what bestie?" I exhale, feeling those hips in my hands, and say, "I knew what they were saying." I see that face turn back, see those eyes wide, see them look down and away, and I hear her say, "What?"

I exhale and say, "I knew before that day." I see that face look up at me again, see that worried look, and I say, "That summer Grandad gave us, well, he gave me the option to start going to your middle school." I see her lick her lips, I exhale, and continue, "I did some research, wanting to find out about the statistics, number of students, teacher to student ratio, campus size, and of course if it was really just as close as our middle school was to our house like your mother said it was." I inhale, looking back down at those lips, those lips those fucken morons called ugly and I want to bite right now, and I say, "I also found accounts from certain students at that school through Facebook and read some of their comments to each other." I see her close her mouth and I answer, "Yes." I see her exhale and hear her say, "So, if you knew, you knew the kinds of kids that went there, why did you go?" I exhale, knowing she's thinking about my comfort instead of her own, my exposure to racism instead of her own exposure to it, wondering why I would move to a school that had students that would openly comment on Facebook about a black student at their school or how a girl's lips were too big for her face and she resembled an animal found in Africa more than an actual girl, why if I had the choice as Grandad gave me, I would not rather stay at the middle school we were enrolled where kids didn't make those openly racist comments, and I say, "Because my best friend, even if I never acknowledged it, was there and those imbeciles spewing lies about her were there and I needed to be there." Even after that day, I was still somewhat of that heartless kid, but I still made sure to be at the same table every day for lunch so she could find me there and would never be alone at that fucken school.

I see that smile and she says, "So you moved to my middle school, even after you knew kids there were jerks and racist, just to defend me and not just because my mom told Grandad she would give you and Riley rides with me?" I exhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, and say, "Only in your Jazmine head."

I see that face move in, taste the strawberry lip balm she said she uses, feel that warm hand over my pants, and I pull away and say, "Jazmine." I see that smile and she says, "And I want to help you, so let me." I exhale, trying to relax and say, "Jazmine, we're out," but she cuts me off with, "Yes, we're outside, on our hill, on top of blankets I made you bring, and I know it's cold, but this jacket is big enough it's covering both of us and as selfish as it sounds, I want to taste you again."

I close my eyes, knowing what I want but knowing we are outside and it is late so there's little chance of passersby, especially up here, but it's still her. I open my eyes, see that smile, feel her hand over me again, and feel myself already getting hard, thinking about what she wants to do. I also remember I've scouted this hill hundreds of times, now it is safe from the government, people, and remember seeing that afro pulled back lowering herself over me, and know I'm hard, right now. I see her swallow, reminding me of that place I still need to kiss, and I scoot back, bringing those hips with me, lean back on that sturdy trunk, remembering this is where we met, feel her come in closer between my legs, see that face come in, stop an inch away from me again, reminding me of that night in Chicago I had my hands on those thighs, feel myself twitch, and exhale trying to relax. I feel both those warm hands on my pants, inhale, looking at those forest green eyes in that darker variation she doesn't know she has, feel her unbutton the first button on my jeans, and I move in.

I taste the lip balm again, squeeze those hips, feel her unbutton the second button, bite that lower lip I punched that fucken moron for saying were too big, feel her unbutton the third one, taste that tongue I should've tasted in the morning before I left back home to take down those damn pictures, feel her unbutton the fourth one, bring my hands back to that ass that does belong to me, feel her shiver, feel that small warm palm on the head of my penis, and groan, not caring how loud because we're up here on this hill and there is no god and it is only us.

* * *

I feel my smirk, watching that bun, knowing she has it because she woke up late because we stayed out late last night. It's an odd feeling, thinking about it, and feeling, relaxed. What she did last night, what she calls 'tasting me', is all that happened last night, and I feel, relaxed.

I see those greens look over here, see that tint from here because it's covering her entire face, and feel my smirk turning into that thing she likes.

Then, I hear my brother say, "Shit McHater. You know she like ma lil sis man. Least wait 'till we're outta school." I look over at my brother, see him looking at me with that smirk that reminds me we are brothers and he's an idiot, feel my face drop, and I look back down at my _Message To The Blackman_ book, hearing them all cackle. I remember seeing this book in my locker this morning and putting it in my backpack before we went to homeroom, knowing I would want to read it during lunch. I exhale. I don't lie to myself. It's because of last night, on that hill where it was only us, that I wanted to continue reading this book.

I exhale and shake my head hearing their cackling continue, finding where I stopped reading, trying to understand if I do not believe in god because of what I have seen and researched then why did I say it again last night on that hill, like I did two days ago.

I hear Caesar say, "Man, I'm just happy for your ass." I bring my book down, see him looking at me, and he says, "Yeah, I agree with Riley on you looking different. And, you seem alright, you know, better than alright." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him smirk at me, and he says, "Hu. Remember man. Since we were five. And I can see you seem not only better, but kinda happy and shit." I exhale, knowing he has known me for a long time. I see him inhale, look back at the girls at the front of the line, which I've notice they do several times a week more than likely to talk amongst themselves, and he says, "And thanks man." For the help. Only needed access to the school database to find out where she lives, along with those two other idiots, just in case she's sleeping over at their places, and I already knew where that girl Miranda lived from that party we went to. The difficult part was getting access to the school's database but once that was done, the rest was fairly unproblematic. I was able to access all of that information, all of their phone numbers, and block them all. And through my connections to wireless carriers I was able to block any incoming calls from those locations to his cell phone. She would have to leave late at night when she's been making those phone calls and sending those messages from her house or wherever she's sleeping to a location I am not aware of, get access to another cell phone, since payphones are rare to nonexistent, and call him from there. I exhale. It's not impossible for her but it would require work. But at least for now, things have been settled. And, it only took an hour after he called last night, apparently tired after the fifth call from blocked phone numbers and several pictures.

I respond, "You welcome," look back down at my book, and continue to read, hearing those three talking about another one of their bets, this time possibly having to do with Super Nintendo, and wonder if I should be worried, feeling as relaxed as I am, looking forward to having that hand in my hair this Saturday night.

* * *

I ask, "So, he took care of it?" I see Ming put her long dark hair behind her ear, smile, and she says, "Yeah. Told me this morning he found a way to block her ass. Don't know how but." I see her stop, smirk at me, feel my eyebrow rise, and she says, "I think your afro helped my dreads with blocking that hoe." I feel my smile, turn to that table, and see that afro behind that book on the teachings of Islam. I don't know a lot about those teachings but maybe one day I will. I see those soft reds, almost burgundy, look up from that book and look at me, feeling my mouth open, not being to speak, just like this morning when I saw him at my door. I couldn't speak. So, I just kissed his cheek, hugged him, and he let me. I didn't think about it, just couldn't say anything when I saw him standing there on my front porch, in that sweater that reminds me of Chicago. I just kept thinking about how that felt last night, on our hill, where I saw that afro that first time so long ago, swaying in early spring wind. Last night. My hand around that warm cock with that coating, stroking him, kissing those soft lips, feeling that hole again under my thumb, making circles around it, just as slowly as we were kissing, hearing him say my name in that way, and tasting him again, swearing I heard him say that again when I did it. Tasting him. On our hill. Under that big, thick, oak tree, with the moonlight. I feel my whole face heat up seeing those light burgundy eyes looking at me, making me want to run to the restroom because we're in the cafeteria.

Then, I smell that coconut lotion I love so much, on my shoulder, look back down at her, and smile at how cute she's being. I feel my smile get bigger knowing they're also getting close. I know they've also been getting close since that day mom showed us those pictures and told us to not be scared of guy's body parts. My little sister and Riley are getting close and she's happy. That's why she's being this cute. My little sister's happy. I turn to her, kiss her head, and hear her say, "Hoe at eleven girls."

I look up to my left, where the number eleven would be on a clock, and see her. I exhale, smell that vanilla lotion to my right on my friend, and wait for that voice to see what she wants now.

She gets to us and I can see she looks angry, making me smirk for some reason, see her getting madder, and she says, "How the hell you got those pictures off Facebook? And why did they cancel my account when I tried reposting them?" I can't help it. She's doing that thing with her face again. I close my eyes, start laughing, and hear my lovable sister say, "Look hoe." I open my eyes, look over at my sister, see her smirking and she says, "You know wa hoe. I 'on't even care." I snicker, hearing my little sister doing it to, and hear Ming say, "The fuck you even care hoe? We were in those fucken pictures and we don't want them online." I hear Lauren say, "And anyways, I'm sure you took a lot of pictures in that half-costume you were wearing so why do you even care about the ones we were in?" I see Ashley inhale, exhale, and look away. Then, she looks back at me, squinting her eyes.

I exhale and say, "Don't come near us again or I will slap you again Ashley." I see her exhale, inhale, look away, and hear her say quieter, I think shocking all of us, "You already took Huey. And I saw what you were wearing that night. It was just as bad as mine and he wouldn't stop looking at you. I just wanted Cairo to see you for what you are."

I exhale and say, "Ashley." I see her look back at me, see her exhale, and wonder why I was ever jealous of her. She's just so lonely. And, I was just reminded about how lonely I was when I was in elementary and even middle school. I say, "I don't care what you or he thinks about me. You can even call me whatever you want because at the end of it I know my sister, my friends, and Huey will never believe you and that's who matters." I hear my sister inhale and hear her say, "And why the fuck you keep blaming ma sis 'bout whatever the fuck happens between you and that asshole when she been with ma bro since last fucken year hoe." I see Ashley exhale, still looking at me, and then hear Ming say, "Yeah. I mean you ain't that fucken stupid. Our Jazzy never even fucken goes over there or talks to that dick and you're the one that's fucking starting stupid ass rumors when she don't ever say shit about you." I see Ashley look away, almost guilty, and then I hear Lauren's voice to my right say, "I mean what is wrong with you Ashley? I mean you could have someone else at this school if he doesn't wanna be with you. I mean you are pretty even if you do act like a sata." I hear the snickers, see Ashley exhale, still looking away from us, and hear her say, even quieter, "It's not just him. You all have them. And all the other guys at our school are just players, all of them."

I exhale, remembering that day she said I had a fat ass, the day she offered herself to Huey telling him he would get bored of waiting for me, a month ago when she looked at Huey that way and I almost lunged myself at her, and then checked out all my friends who have girlfriends. But I know she does some of those things, maybe most of them, because her mom shows her it's okay. And, my sister doesn't lie. Mr. Leon and Ashley's mom were caught again in the school together. I don't know if they got in trouble with the principal but someone did catch them and it spread through the school staff because they gossip even more than the students. And my sister, who has more friends at this school now than anyone else I know because she can make anyone smile, found out.

But looking at Ashley, in that short skirt again and that small t-shirt I realize she's just lost. And I think it's her mom's fault, maybe her family's fault. But then I exhale and remember something else that's just as important. Ashley could change. She could. She doesn't have to be like her mom. I'm not like Tom. My sister is not like those people she used to live with. Huey and Riley are not like that family. We decided who we were gonna be and that's who we are. But Ashley wants to be like this. If she didn't, she would stop doing these things. She could date a nice guy like Lena. Lena. Lena is dating Phil. And Phil told me about Ashley and her friends. And, I believe Phil. I don't know for sure but there's a really good chance he tried talking to Ashley and she turned him down, a nice guy like Phil. And, I'm sure with how pretty she really is there has been more than one nice guy that tried talking to her, but still, she wants to date a guy like Cairo. Cairo. He sits next to her at lunch and then tells me to give him a chance during fifth period. I exhale. And she wants to date him. And she's had opportunities to date guys like Phil, but she wants to date guys like Cairo.

So maybe this is just who she is because she wants to be lost. She wants to be mean to people, blaming them when she doesn't get her way. So, I have to stop comparing her to me, how lonely I was in middle school, or my friends and their families, because Ashley's just a mean girl that's had opportunities to change and she doesn't. She doesn't want to. I'll have to make sure to go to one of Phil's games and root for him next to Lena.

I exhale and say, "You're wrong." I see her blue eyes look back at me, surprised. I don't think that was the answer she was waiting for. I think she wanted me to feel sorry for her so maybe she could have the opportunity to hurt me again in some way. I say, "Not all guys at this school are players. Some are nice. And I know for sure some of those nice guys have tried dating you but you didn't wanna date them. You wanna date someone like that jerk." I see her inhale, exhale, and know she's mad because I caught her. I see her scrunch her nose and she says, even quieter, "I don't know what they see in you, in any of you. You're plain, all of you." I hear that inhale to my left, and grab her hand, knowing she's trying to stay calm because she has a game she's looking forward to that's coming up soon and doesn't want to get kicked off the team even more right now. None of them want to get in a fight because that game is more important than this girl.

Then I remember something my friend said, a friend that sounds like my little sister, and smells like lavender lotion, and I say, not taking my eyes off this girl that won't leave us alone, "Mimi, you remember what you left back in Ohio?" I see Ashley's forehead scrunch, I'm sure confused. And I know, being as popular as she is, she doesn't like being ignored. I hear my friend say, "Yeah Jazzy I do." I say, "Okay."

I let go of my sister's hand, step back, seeing Ashley's eyes getting big, turn back to that table where I see that afro and all the guys looking at us, feel my smirk, knowing they either wanted us to handle it or they didn't want to hear this girl's voice, and I start walking towards that afro. I hear that voice behind me say, "I'm not done with you! All of you! Don't you walk away from me!"

I feel my little sister's warmth and smell her coconut lotion to my left, feel and smell that warm vanilla lotion to my right and now that lavender warmth is next to my sister now.

As we get to the table I see Hiro stand up, looking at that pretty girl to my right he will beat up a really disrespectful guy for. I slide in, grab that sandwich that doesn't have those jalapenos, and take a bite, smiling as all our friends sit down. I feel that warm hand on my leg and wonder if he knows he does that every day now.

Then I hear that voice that makes us all laugh say, "Bet you'll believe ma ass now that shit over twenty-five." I laugh, hearing my friends all laughing, put my head on that broad shoulder, turn to that book to see how far along he is with it, and inhale, feeling him turn, and put that book on the table, opened to the first page so we can read it together. We've never done this at school, reading the same book, like a couple would, out in the open in the cafeteria, with that warm hand on my leg. And I know Huey. I know him through and through. He thinks he's not affectionate, but he is. He thinks he's not warm, but he is. And, he doesn't like public affection, which I'm okay with because I like keeping that stuff between us on the couch when no one is home, or on our hill, or in his room, or in Janitor's room B3. But he's been doing this for a while now, holding my hand in public, letting me kiss his cheek in public, holding my waist in public, and now reading together from the same book, side by side, with that warm hand on my leg, in public.

I wonder if he knows he's doing more than trying now. I'm so happy. And, I can't wait for this weekend.

* * *

Hi You'll.

I'm tired LOL.

Hope to read comments on any of it: costumes, parties, anime, cartoons, racialized incarceration, any of it.

I had so much fun writing this one LOL.

Thank you all for allowing me to do this.

Bulma's Ego.


	30. A Huey Freeman Celebration

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

Guest: Thank you for finding it interesting and for liking it. I aim for that 😊.

RabbitMelody: Yes Ashley need's help. Don't know what kind but she does. Hopefully she figures her shit out. Let's hope. Love that you're still reading. Thank you.

ThickBlackGirl: I know we talked already but you're right, Jazzy needs some! But we'll see. I'm hoping it happens soon cuz I'm lowkey getting frustrated to LOL. Oh and I'm happy you found the info in this story knowledgeable. I'm hoping it resonates with people. Thanks for reading TBG.

CHAPTER 30:

Breathe Jazmine. Breathe. Remember. Over four hundred cups of lemonade in two days, only secretary for the Black Jesus play, turned on the generator he used for the chicken flu week right before it exploded, the only one that read his survival plan, helped him get that antibiotic for that strep throat, the many fights I'm starting to remember I walked into and knew if I didn't stay for a little they would take out the bb guns again, Chicago, Chicago in those trees with my little sister, stopping that girl trying to hurt him with that knife, coming back and starting to sleep with him and learning how to do it even though I wanted to kiss him every time but knew I wasn't ready for more and I'm starting to think he wasn't ready either, and last week tasting him and then again the next day. And then there's all those times he didn't know about and kind of knows about now, like why I didn't always meet him and Riley at our lunch table in elementary was because I didn't want him to see my puffy eyes after those girls would find me in the restroom. And then in sixth grade where the only reason they didn't beat me up like they did other kids, just called me names, was because they knew who my mom and dad were. My dad. Tom. Then there's Tom and all those nights almost going into their room to check on her because I knew, I knew it was more than pushing and I should've gone in. Even if all I did was stand there and scream at him or cry. I should have. I inhale. But that's in the past. And right now I want to thank him for everything. Everything he doesn't know. How the only reason I was able to stop crying in the restroom at school or at home or in the mornings before meeting him at the bus stop was because he was waiting for me. He was always waiting for me. Even if he thought I was annoying and cried too much or even if he ever thought I was dumb, he was always waiting for me, ready to let me give him that hug. He's waiting. And everything that's happened is telling me I have more courage today and I can do this. And, I want to say it to him.

I exhale, knock, and say, "Its me." I feel my smile knowing he's putting his book down right now, placing those clean toes on that carpet, walking to the door, and I see that door open. I see those toes, those thick calves, those dark green basketball shorts, go up and inhale, seeing that black t-shirt with the Fight the Power Public Enemy white logo in the front. I need to remember to get him another one. I keep going up and see those broad shoulders that really made him look like Mugen, that mocha colored neck, wondering when he really got this much taller than me, keep going up, see those lips that are the softest ones in the world, those eyes that are dark burgundy right now, and feel my smirk, not being able to help how warm my cheeks are right now thinking about how cute he really is.

I look back down at those lips, wondering if I should. Normally his door is open so I just walk in and close the door behind me. Then, when we're alone, behind his closed door, we kiss. But with it being almost mid-November it's getting cold and with Grandad not wanting to use the heater in the house because the electricity bill will be too high Huey's keeping his door closed to keep the room warm. I feel my smile knowing he does it for me. He knows I'm always cold. He leaves his door closed so he can keep his room warm with his small heater on for me. He doesn't do it for himself, he does it for me. Huey doesn't need the heater for himself because he doesn't really get cold. I even think he kind of likes the cold. But he also doesn't know he doesn't get cold because he's so warm inside.

But, looking at those lips, knowing he does all that stuff for me, I still feel weird about it. I mean even though I really want to do it it's such a 'girlfriend-boyfriend' thing to do, to kiss each other as soon as the door opens, where I'm still in the hallway of his house and everyone that's home can still see us, even if it's only Grandad. I see him exhale, see that face lower itself to me, feeling that warmth in my stomach knowing he wanted to kiss me to, close my eyes, and feel those warm lips on my lips, making me realize just how cold my lips got from just walking over here. I feel those lips push in, push back on them, open my mouth, and then then feel those lips move away. I feel my forehead scrunch up, open my eyes, see that beautiful eyebrow rise, and hear him say, "What took you so long?"

I exhale and look away, really not liking that I'm just this bad at lying. I hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine." I look back at him, swallow, and I say, "Can I come in first please?" I see that cute smirk, see him move to let me in, and I step in, feeling that heat hit me. I want to smile at how happy it makes me feel that he wanted me to be warm and turned on his small heater probably way before I was supposed to show up. I put my bag down, hear him closing the door behind me, and I start taking off my converse to leave by the door, something he doesn't have to tell me to do but I noticed he started doing that this week. I know he'll say he does it because it's sanitary to not step inside his bedroom with shoes that were used outside but I think he also does it because this is his room now and he wants to have it like this, with taking my shoes off at the door. I also noticed him doing new things to his room this week, like how he moved the TV stand to the corner I think to make an open space in the middle of the room, the chair he brought in maybe to do some of his training in here, the shelves and tools in the corner behind the door I know he's using to build a new bookshelf, and a new sock drawer by the bed that I can use to put my night bag on top of. It's actually a big room. And I remember the last time I was in here, before Huey moved into this room, was when Tom stayed here that time they got in a fight over me wanting to see Usher to get an autograph. That was before he got mean. That was when he was still my dad.

I hear that voice say, "Jazzy." I inhale, feeling his warmth behind me, that warmth that's a different warmth, a maroon colored warmth, that no heater can give me. And that voice. That voice has always been my warm blanket that's always made pain go away even when he was telling me the truth about the world. Even when he told me that we're all going to die one day, hearing that voice, made that truth not too painful. In his own Huey way, he's always made pain go away. And I want to give him something to bring back a different time for him, hopefully a good time for him.

I turn around, see those eyes, and know I want to say it. So just say it Jazmine. Like last year. Just say it. I smile and I say, "Happy birthday Huey!" I see him exhale through his nose, I giggle, and he says, "Jazmine," but I cut him off with, "No bestie. All you said was that I couldn't tell anyone what day it is and I never have. Not one person. Well." I look to the side, feel my small smile, and I hear him say, "Jazmine, who did you tell?" I turn back and look at his chest, twisting my lips, feeling a little embarrassed, and I say, "Just my diary. I mean I just wanted to write it down because it was important to me." I see that chest move up, hear him inhale, then exhale, and after a few seconds I hear him say, "Fine. Let's get it over with." I look up, can't help the smile I know is on my face right now, see that tint on those Freeman cheeks, that pull on his smirk, and know a smile on my bestie when he's trying to hide it. I say, "Okay, wait here." I see that forehead scrunch, I giggle, and I say, "Bestie, just wait here okay." Before he can say anything I move around him, open the door, walk into the hallway, shiver from the cold hitting me, walk over to the front door, grab it, exhale, and walk back to his room.

I walk in, close the door behind me with my elbow, see him standing by the window, looking down with his arms crossed over that wide chest, with that face, and I say, "No bestie." I see him look up at me, see his eyes open seeing me holding it, and I continue, "No thinking about all the problems going on outside of this room, at least until after you open your gift okay." I see that mouth open and I cut him off with, "And you're not going to tell me to take it back or that you don't want it okay. Now open your sixteenth year birthday present even if I know you don't like celebrating your birthday or any other holidays. And." I stop, exhale, see those eyes look up at me, remember I left my hair down and fluffy like I like it, and I continue, "I want to keep celebrating your birthday for as long as you're my best friend, as selfish as that sounds." I walk up to him, feel my throat dry up looking at those lips, and I stop a few inches away from him.

I give him those seven seconds he needs, see him exhale, see that smirk, those arms uncross and feel the gift being pulled out of my hands. I feel my smile, see him shake his head with that cute smirk, see him look down at the square shaped present, see that eyebrow rise, and I hear him say, "How much of that paper did," I roll my eyes and cut him off with, "Open it bestie." I hear that annoyed exhale, but not as deep as normally when he's really annoyed. I feel my eyes open as I start to realize, seeing how carefully he's opening it, holding it on the sides really lightly, taking the tape off from the edges first to not hurt whatever's inside by just ripping the paper, that Huey likes presents, but maybe he doesn't think he deserves them, maybe because he doesn't celebrate birthdays, at least I didn't think he did until this year, or because of that family. Well, just like that first day we started dating, I'll start by showing him he deserves all the presents he ever gets, and feel my smile coming back. I see him get to that brown paper that's folded the long way, unfold it, see him inhale, and know he can see half of it now. I see him look up at me with those wide eyes and that opened mouth that I want to kiss again, and he says, "How?"

I want to remind him that it annoys him when people ask that and 'why' but right now I need to remind him he deserves all the gifts he ever gets, even if it's only ever from me. I inhale and say, "It's a replica. I found out more about it. The painter's name was Charles Dawson and it's called The Crisis or The Last Marble. I know he painted it in the nineteen-twenties so it had to do with life between the second and first world wars that we talked about in our history class and just how people in the cities lived right before the Great Depression." I stop, exhale, and continue, "I think what the painter was trying to show was just how, back in that time, kids were kind of closer because what mattered was if you had money or if you didn't. If you didn't, you just didn't eat. It didn't matter what color you were. So that's why it doesn't matter that there's one white boy with a bunch of other black boys playing marbles together on the street. What mattered was that at least when they were playing, out on the streets, dirty and hungry, the color of their skin didn't matter. They just wanted to play marbles. And." I stop, see him looking back down at that painting, with the wrapping paper still covering half of it, walk up to him, and I see that he's not moving, just breathing. I exhale, walk up behind him, exhale longer, knowing he doesn't like surprises or jerky movements when he's stressed, and slowly, bring my hands up, put my fingers on his shoulders, then my palms, feel him exhale, bring my hands down his back, to his lower back, walk up closer, and hug him from behind, like I did at the cemetery and I do every Saturday night when we sleep together in this room.

I put my cheek on that back, exhale, and I continue, "I knew this was the one painting you looked at the most and you even said you liked it and I wanted you to have something here at home from that museum where Ms. Annette said you handed flyers to make the people aware and got in fights when those people tried arguing with you because that's just you being my bestie." I giggle, thinking about Caesar and him getting in fights with a cute afro and those dreads. I can't help it and I start laughing thinking about them at that age and how cute they must've been. I hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine?" I stop laughing, exhale, hug him tighter, happy he's letting me hug him like this during the day, when we're not in a cemetery, and I say, "I was just thinking about you and Caes getting in fights with a little afro and short dreads. You two must've been so cute." I hear that exhale through his nose, I giggle, and hear that voice say, "What did I say about calling me cute Jazmine." I smile, turn my face to that back, kiss it, knowing I'm annoying him, and I say, "I said you were cute, like past tense, Huey." I put my cheek back on that back and say, "So, do you like it?"

I hear that long exhale and close my eyes, knowing we have all night, I can keep annoying him until I leave tomorrow, and feel my smile. I wait, feeling him breathe in and out, and after maybe half a minute, knowing I don't want to push him to say anything, I also remember about what I left in the kitchen. I open my eyes and I say, "Oh and I was late because I needed to wrap it up after it finally got here a few hours ago and I was making dinner so if you wanna eat now," but I stop when I hear him say, "Yes." I reply, "Okay well, I need to heat up the food just a little so I'll," but he cuts me off with, "It's exceptional. Thank you."

I look down at the carpet by the drawer under the TV, not knowing what to say, feeling embarrassed and happy. He said it's exceptional. The gift I got him is exceptional. I would say 'I love it' or 'I like it a lot' but Huey doesn't talk like that. Sometimes he talks like a normal teenage, specially with Riley or his friends, sometimes he talks like an adult in his twenties that's gone to college and has a job in some law firm, and sometimes he talks like this, like he's from another time, a time when boys his age had to read a lot of books on business to take over their family's business at sixteen. I think I've heard Huey say it's the 'Victorian Age'. I don't really know. I'm still taking history classes where I get B's on assignments because I don't always remember what year that thing the teacher is asking us about happened. But Huey shows up to those classes, takes the tests, and gets high grades without even trying. I even think he only shows up to not get marked absent because it can hurt his grade or to tell me about things the teacher got wrong during lecture. But he talks like that, specially when we're alone. He talks like he's from that time. And, I think he likes talking like that, like the 'Victorian Age' more than any other way, maybe because of all the books he reads from black activists that also talked like that. I remember a few weeks ago when I read a few paragraphs with him, sitting on the bed, before we went to sleep, from _The Souls of Black Folk_, that book sounded like that, like the 'Victorian Age'. So, maybe talking like that even makes him feel like he's in that time with those activists, like the writer of that book. I don't know if he knows this or if he's ever thought about this. I don't know if he knows all that reading, that research, that hard work he's always done, at least since I met him when we were ten years old, really made him sound different, talk different, different from people our age. He's always sounded different, more grown up. But now, with all those books he's read in the last six years he sounds like that, like he's from the 'Victorian Age'.

I feel my smile hearing him unwrapping the gift. I bring down my arms and I say, "Okay, well I'll go heat up the food." I feel my smile get bigger hearing him continue to unwrap it, move around that torso, and walk out of the room to heat up the food.

* * *

I know I've made it before but I know he ate a few plates last time. And I added something new anyways.

I hear his light footsteps, hear him open the cupboard, and feel my smile, knowing we get to spend his birthday like this. My little sister and Riley are hanging out with Ed and Rummy and Grandad's upstairs because he said he felt tired after going for a walk in the park, even though he seemed fine and kind of happy when I saw him before I went into Huey's room. He was even humming Gangstalicious's new song when he was walking upstairs. And mom is spending time with Leo at our house. So, it's just Huey and me. I smile thinking about it. But then I start to wonder if this is weird. Is it weird that we like staying at home on Saturday nights and just watching TV or movies, with Huey sometimes reading and me reading some of those books I found in our attic? Or me sitting on the bed with my legs over his thighs, watching my favorite show, while he reads? Like, are we supposed to be doing something else, like going on dates?

I hear that monotone voice say, "Stop thinking about whatever it is you're thinking because it's probably not true." I look up, still holding the plate I was putting down on their kitchen table, where we ate that cereal during the chicken flu week and see him putting down two cups of water on the table. I smile at my bestie and I say, "No. It's kind of true." I see that eyebrow rise, laugh through my nose, wondering when I started doing that, see him exhale, and I continue, "We are kind of different from other kids our age that want to be out doing stuff like dates and maybe going to parties, I don't know." I exhale, sit down, see him sit down, looking at me with those pursed lips, making him look adorable, and I say, "But I kind of like doing what we're doing. Just being at home, where it's just us." I see that pull on his face, wonder if I can kiss him right now, and I hear him say, "Thank you for." I see him stop, see that blush on those chocolate cheeks, see those pursed lips again, and hear him continue, "For making it."

I smile, look back down at the vegetarian style eggplant moussaka I made on my little sister's birthday, and I say, "Well I know we're not supposed to really be celebrating anything today but I still know you liked it from last time." I stop, feel my cheeks getting warm, and I say, "And, I added just some slices of those jalapenos you like." I stop, exhale, look back at those eyes, and see that burgundy going into that darker color, wondering if that just happened when I told him about the jalapenos. I start feeling that warmth in my stomach, look away, and continue, "Because even though we're not supposed to be celebrating today, it is a special day. But." I stop, exhale, and say, "I'm sorry if it's too much, you know with the dinner and the way I changed the recipe. I was trying to not do too much because I know you don't like celebrating this day. But." I inhale, remember he's my Huey, turn back to him, see that look again that I haven't seen in a while, the one where he looks vulnerable, and wonder if he knows he does that sometimes. I smile at my bestie and continue, "I just always want you to get at least one present and now that we are." I stop, swallow, feel my face completely red, really hoping I get over how I always get this red with him, and say, "Dating, I also always want to make sure you have at least a dinner where you get to eat something you like on this day."

I see those eyes blink and wonder why I ever thought they were reddish brown. They're so much prettier than that. I see those lips move and hear him say, "It's not too much." I feel my smile.

* * *

After eating while listening to my Sagun Pandora channel that I know we both like, even if he never says it, I ask, "So do you think we'll have more AP classes together next year because I hope we do." I see those eyes look up at me, feel my cheeks getting warm, not believing I just said that, see that smirk, and he says, "Chances are high we'll continue so long as we're on the same trajectory of graduating the same year and have taken the same science and math classes but." I see him stop, see that eyebrow rise, see him inhale, and he says, "If you continue slapping imbeciles, even if they deserve it, those chances will continue to lower."

I exhale, look away, and say, "That jerk deserved it and I'll do it again if he ever talks to her like that again." I hear that exhale through his nose, look back at him, wondering if he's annoyed with me, see him looking down at the table, and he says, "Don't worry about that. Hiro will take care of it." I open my mouth, hear the words coming out, wanting to take them back as soon as they're out, and hear myself say, "What did Laurie mean about Hiro doing more than beating up." I stop, close my eyes, and know I want to take it back. I exhale, open my eyes, see those dark burgundy eyes looking at me, and I say, "Huey I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. That's about Hiro's past and no matter how close Laurie and I are getting I shouldn't be asking about what she said about him." I see him exhale, see the eyebrow rise and that smirk again, and he says, "When did you become fluent in Spanish?"

I feel my smirk, know my cheeks are getting redder thinking that Huey thinks I know that much Spanish, and I say, "Well, I'm not fluent. I just know a few words and how to say some sentences but." I stop, exhale, and say, "You remember how I told you about that family that was mean to her about her skin color, even though it's really pretty and some girls would kill to have that color that doesn't get red being out in the sun and it doesn't confuse people about what she is, well." I exhale and look away, looking at the couch in the living room where we all hang out, like families do, a family full of people from different races even if Huey says races aren't real, and I say, "She's a Latina and people don't tell her she's something else. She's just a really pretty Latina. Not something in the middle that's confusing." I feel my smile coming back knowing I kind of know what I am today. I look back at him, see those eyes looking at me with those pursed lips, and I say, "But that family and an older sister she has were mean to her. And I think it's because of her older sister that Laurie and I are getting close, because she kind of wants me to be an older sister for her so." I stop, feel my smile getting bigger, and I say, "Laurie kind of uses teaching me Spanish so we can text and just talk a lot and be close." I exhale and I say, "Even though she doesn't have to because she's really sweet and funny and she doesn't need to teach me anything for me to want to hang out with her." I see him exhale, remember what we were talking about, and I say, "So I'm not fluent in Spanish but I know some words and I know what she said on Monday to that jerk about Hiro doing worse things than beating up guys. So, I just wanted to know if he has done worse things, but I don't have to know. That's Hiro's past so you don't have to tell me if you don't want to okay." I exhale, smile at him, and hope that oyster with that pearl doesn't ever close itself off to me because I ask too many questions.

I see him take a long exhale and after those seven seconds, I look down, lean over, grab his plate, put it on top of mine, knowing he's done eating since there's no more of my dish left, and I hear him say, "He's done worse." I stop, look back up at those eyes, and feel my eyes open. I see him exhale and he says, "After that first visit for Moe Jackson's funeral, Caes called to apologize for not being in Chicago during my visit, even though I knew he was in Jamaica visiting his mother and I told him I would see him next time we went." I see him inhale and he says, "He also said the reason Hiro didn't return Riley's phone calls was because his family was keeping him off the streets and out of contact with everyone until after they figured out how they would clean up the mess." I see him exhale, look away, see that scrunched forehead, and he says, "His sister had been attacked by some fucken idiot at her middle school." I see him inhale, look back at me, and I see he looks mad, really mad. I look down at that hand, see it's in a fist, and I move my hand up slowly and put my finders through those knuckles. I look back up, see him looking at my hand that's over his, see him exhale, and he says, "He attacked her after school when there was no one around." I see him inhale and he says, "They found her later that day, alive, but not well." I inhale, feeling so scared for Hiro's sister and feeling horrible thinking about what happened, and remembering how lucky I am that Huey was there for me. Huey. My bestie. His temperature's dropping.

I look down at that hand, feeling his temperature, put my fingers further through those knuckles, and I hear him say, "Jazzy, I'm." I look up and see those eyes looking at me. I see him exhale and he says, "I was almost too late." Mark. I exhale. He's thinking about Mark, when he attacked me, and I didn't know how to defend myself yet. My bestie. He's always cared. I feel my small smile and I say, "Huey you got there on time and that's why nothing happened to me okay." I feel that temperature not dropping anymore, but it's not going up so I continue, "And today, because of you and Riley I would not only flip him over but I wouldn't panic. I would flip him over, wait for him to get up, drop down, swing my legs out, and make sure he hits the ground hard before I walk away, making sure I don't turn my back to him okay." I feel that hand becoming that warm hand I know, see him exhale, and I say, "Please continue."

After a few seconds, letting him think about whatever he needs to think about, I see those lips move and he says, "After Hiro found out what happened to his sister, he went to look for that fucken imbecile, found him and." I see him stop, know he's thinking again, and I wait. Then, I hear him say, "It gets dark from here Jazmine. Are you sure you want to know?" I squeeze those knuckles that are luckily at that temperature I really like and then he says, "He put that fucken imbecile in a coma." I inhale, see those dark burgundy eyes looking at me, and I hear him say, "Jazmine." I exhale, blink, once, twice, remember all those days hanging out in Chicago, how he helped at the park, all of us playing that last day in Aunt Cookie's house, and how he was making Lauren blush at the barbecue. Lauren. How much Lauren likes him and calls him her Hiro and how cute they are when Hiro whispers in her ear. He protects Lauren and makes her happy. I know he does. I exhale and say, "He's not just Hiro, he's Laurie's Hiro, he's Hiro that I think is almost Riley's best friend even though it's cute that they won't admit it, he's Hiro that helped you guys at the park that day, and he's Hiro that." I stop, inhale, and say, "That defended his sister that day, like you've always defended me and Riley's always defended my little sister okay."

I see that long exhale from him again and then he says, "The imbecile came out of that coma within a few days and with his family's influence, Hiro was cleared of all battery charges. I believe that fucken moron was moved away and given precise instructions by Hiro's family to never come near Hiro or his sister again or the result would not be a comatose state." I see him exhale and he says, "After they moved that fucken moron and things settled, Hiro called to say he was fine, but." I see him stop, inhale, and he says, "Hiro's family who had used their influence to alleviate that problem was trying to recruit him for some of their activities." I inhale. Poor Hiro. I hear him say, "He did some of the jobs they asked him to do and then, after he was connected to his family's activities, decided to step away and make a reputation of his own, if only to keep anymore morons from getting to his sister." I see him exhale and he says, "I don't know the details but after some time Hiro's parents decided to move out of Chicago and only visit that part of their family when necessary."

I exhale, feeling his thumb moving over my finger, wondering if he knows he's doing that, and I hear him say, "So the answer is yes. He's done worse than beat up idiots." I inhale and exhale. And, for some weird reason, maybe because of the hamster I can be or because sometimes I just think about things that kind of connect with each other, I remember how special Riley is, enough that even the Wunclers know it, and how that special person takes care of my talented, beautiful, wonderful little sister. That special person is kind of Hiro's best friend and Hiro is just as sweet and protective of Lauren as Riley is of my sister. And Lauren calls him her Hiro. I feel my smile and hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine."

I blink, see those eyes staring at me, and I say, "So he protected his sister, protected his friends at that park, and now protects one of my closest friends here at home and helps Riley make us all laugh at lunch every day at school and I know he's a good person because he's one of your oldest friends." I see that beautiful eyebrow rise, making me laugh again, see him exhale, and I say, "So as long as he keeps doing all that stuff and being the Hiro we know, that's all that matters okay." I see that other eyebrow lift and can't help but laugh harder, then I hear that monotone voice say, "Your group on Monday."

I stop laughing, feel myself blinking again, looking at that face looking confused with that twist of his lips, remember what we talked about on our hill that night, how he walked me home afterwards and he asked me what the topic for that group was, and I told him I would tell him this weekend when we would have all Saturday night together. He remembered. I smile, exhale, and I say, "Ms. Reed asked us to talk about how racialized incarceration can affect a society and in our group they all sort of knew a small part of it but I kind of just explained what it is and how it affects society in a lot of ways, and how it specially affects the black community." I see that eyebrow rise again, see that mouth open, not saying anything, and after a few seconds he says, "And how do you know how racialized incarceration affects society and how it predominantly affects the black community?"

I smile, stand up, see those eyes following me, swallow, feeling my darn cheeks getting warm again, look down at the table, grab the plates, walk up to him holding the plates, and I say, "Well, when class started Ms. Reed had said she wanted to end the semester with talking about racialized incarceration." I exhale, looking down at those eyes, and I say, "And it sounded like people going to jail because of their race and it kind of reminded me of that 'scared stiff' thing Riley and you did with Tom." I feel that warm hand on my hip, smile at him, knowing my bestie still wants to protect me even if he knows I can take care of myself today, and remember I need to make sure to remind him that there's still good in this world, even if that good just means people wanting to help people. I exhale and say, "And I know the only way to help is to know what's happening in the world, so I looked it up online, figured out what it was and even found out that it affects this country because I think it actually makes the country stay poor by putting a whole race, a whole community, in a bad place and not letting them contribute to society."

I feel that squeeze on my hips, know my face has to be red right now, and then, I hear the doorbell ring.

* * *

Grandad's upstairs, not asleep even though he should be taking his nap but on the house phone. Riley and Jazmine's sister left to hang out with those two I still owe for those bb guns and the equipment they sent to Jazmine and her sister for that fucked up battle royale. That 'fight' that was more of an indicator of how much training I still need to do than anything else where those two helped, although I have yet to voice it, to ensure no one was injured by those knives we all suspected those thirty-seven idiots in that team had. That fight where if I would have known she was in that tree I would walked up to her, grabbed that small boot she was wearing, and dragged her down out of that tree to take her to Aunt Cookie's where I wouldn't have had those fucken idiots looking at her in those tight jeans and that tight long sleeve black shirt. I exhale, walking to the door.

That outfit she was wearing when she performed a move that required both her legs and some upper body strength and she could have been hurt. I inhale, remembering that fucken imbecile that looked at her in that clothing that showed too much of those curves. That fucken idiot that was bleeding on the floor and still had enough strength that I saw him standing up trying to get to her even though she was laying in my fucken arms. I exhale, being reminded that she said she only wants to be with me and she hates lying. She hates lying. And she likes 'taking care of me' like she said that day when we ate in her backyard after she slapped that girl for calling that ass too big. I hear the doorbell ring and reach the front door.

I shake my head, knowing that's how I know that girl is either blind or completely straight. Too think that ass is too big. That ass that's part of those curves. Those curves that made that dish today with those jalapenos she knows I like on most of what I eat, making it because it's that day of the year today that we didn't get to choose in which someone else picked a name for us and we started off in this distasteful world full of selfish imbeciles and mindless idiots that follow those imbeciles. I exhale, remembering having these thoughts last year, followed by a sigh I thought to be part of the person I was back then. I stop, realizing I'm now grabbing the doorknob, and acknowledge I do not sigh like I used to last year.

I do not lie to myself. It's because of those small feet that reach my calves when we're laying down, those curves she pushes up against me, those breasts that I thought made me a 'boob guy' but I see now that for some time now I've only looked at hers, those arms that are long and thin like biology dictates for a girl becoming a women with her frame, and that thick blonde afro that's teaching some of those clueless kids and that fucken idiot what racialized incarceration is. I feel that twitch on my face, turning from a smirk to that thing she likes, knowing she learned that on her own with no help on my part and wonder how much she knows right now that I don't know because I only speak as much as I have today, only ask her those specific questions, when I'm alone with her. I start to wonder if I can ignore whoever is at the door, even if Aunt Cookie attempted to instill good manners and always answer the door if we're home, even if Grandad would tell us to not answer for certain idiot neighbors, so I can go back and ask her more about what she's looked up online, and then I hear the doorbell ring again.

I exhale, turn the knob, and prepare myself to be annoyed at whoever is keeping me from the girl that, aside from everything else, is washing those dishes right now because she still doesn't like being waited on even if she's a guest in this house right now, and know whoever is at the door is going to regret whatever it is they're selling at this time of the night on a weekend. I swing the door and see him, feeling my eyebrow rise, close my eyes, and remember he also knows today is that day.

I hear Caesar say, "I know man but I get one and I'ma divide that shit between all of us." I open my eyes, see him smiling, and he says, "Ha." He stops and then walks in, holding that pizza with a backpack, more than likely where he has his Super Nintendo. I see Ming step up, smile at me, and she says, "Ppy." I exhale and see her step in. I see Hiro step up, smirk, and he says, "Birth." I close my eyes, exhale, hear him step in, open my eyes, see Lauren, and she says, "Day." I close my eyes again, hear her step in, and remember all those weekends passing out flyers, being my point of contact for Black Lives Matter in his area, as well as members from AFRO and BRUH, the many times he went to check on Aunt Cookie when I asked, and he was the only person outside of family that always called on that day.

I hear the TV turn and see that afro she let me see today, thick and untamed, walk in front of me. I feel that door I was holding leave my hand and see it close. I feel that small hand around my own and I let her pull me to the living room, where my idiot trusted friends and their girlfriends, minus my brother and her sister are waiting.

I hear the key going into the lock, close my eyes, hear the door open, and wonder if I'm going to have to swing his legs out from under him or hit him upside his head again this year. I open my eyes, see those greens turn, look behind me, feel her let go, and see her sister hug her. Women, with the hugging. I shake my head. Then I see her sister let go of her, see her sister look at me, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her hand move up to dap me again. I exhale, dap her back, and see those two turn, walking into the living room. I feel his presence next to me and wonder if I'm going to hit him upside his head before or after everyone leaves even if he's almost fifteen now. Then I hear him say, "Here McHater." I feel a box pushed into my lower abdomen, grab it, and see him walking into the living room.

Then I hear those other two walking in, knowing I still do owe them, feel someone's arm around my shoulders and I hear Ed say, "I know Huey! I know! Can't fucken say it. Just happy you know, whatever the fuck this day is grouchy as mother fucker." I exhale and see Ed walking into the living room. Then I feel another arm around my shoulders and hear Rummy say, "Yeah. You know. The same sentiment and shit. You know happy whatever the fuck this day is." I feel that arm leave and see Rummy walking into the living room. I exhale, look down at that box and see it's wrapped in happy birthday wrapping paper and the box is approximately ten to twelve inches wide and five to seven inches high.

Then I hear Rummy say, "Oh and Huey." I look up, see him standing by the doorframe, facing the living room, and I hear him say, "We didn't help Riley with that, whatever he gave your ass." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him walk into the living room, and look back down at the box. I start unwrapping it, knowing he knows to not give me presents because it's just as close to celebrating this day as people get, and wonder why I didn't throw the box back at him like I did all the other presents he tried giving me years ago.

I finish unwrapping it, inhale, and see the converse shoe box. I open it and feel both eyebrows rise, seeing new black converse. I was going to replace my old ones in two weeks since I gave my first paycheck for the month to Grandad already. Riley doesn't work. I exhale, look up at the living room entrance, hearing Caesar's Mario brothers game start up again, and remember what Rummy said. I inhale, that's why he hasn't taken Jazmine's sister on any dates for some time. Unlike Jazmine and I, those two like doing those sort of traditional things, like going to see horrible movies and eating at the local pizza and hotdog stands in downtown. But he hasn't taken her out because he spent most of his savings on those first few dates. And on the weekends, when he's not at his after school activities, he's doing jobs around the neighborhood for money because legally he can't get a job yet. I exhale. That's how he got the money to buy these. He hasn't taken Jazmine's sister on a date for some time even though they like doing those things, those things I could still hardly care about, possibly because he was saving his money to get these shoes.

I swallow, realizing he stopped trying to give me gifts after we moved here, while I stopped giving anyone gifts, even homemade ones, after they died. It was this year, the day Jazmine turned fifteen, on her birthday, that we both started to celebrate birthdays again in the traditional way with a dinner and gifts. Prior to that day I know he gave Cindy an old t-shirt for one of her birthdays after we moved here. But that's been it. He also, for the most part, doesn't celebrate birthdays, other than using it to piss me off and forcing me to hit him over the head. But, he also chooses to not celebrate birthdays, like I choose not to. I exhale, wondering how much Grandad is right about how much he follows me. And, I wonder how much throwing those gifts back at him at that age affected him. I exhale, knowing we do not talk about those things, about the fact that I stopped celebrating birthdays when he turned five. That was the first birthday we had to deal with, with dead parents.

I feel that afro on my arm, look down to my left, see that head looking at the box, and hear her say, "So that's what they were doing at the mall today. I knew they weren't only on their date." I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering how naive she can still be at times, and I say, "Jazmine, he bought these with the money he's supposed to be using for those dates." I hear that laugh again, the one I'm starting to accept I like more than I should, feel that afro lean on my arm, and I hear her say, "Huey, Riley and my sister think going to the mall to just hang out and be by themselves, causing trouble, is a date." I inhale, not wanting to think about how similar my brother and I might be or how dense even I can be at times to not see things that are right in front of me, and then I hear her say, "What's in the shoe?" I look back down at the shoes and feel my eyebrow rise seeing a white paper inside the right shoe.

I pull it out, feeling something that was holding it inside the shoe, unfold the paper, and read it, "For the holders big bro." I hand the paper to Jazmine, put my hand inside the shoe, feel cloth, and pull a bright red cotton tub. I let the tub unravel, feel my eyebrow rise, hear her giggle, see her stick her small hand into the same shoe and see her pull out a gray tub. I close my eyes, hear her laughing now, wondering why although I'm annoyed and know I'll never use them, I'm not completely annoyed because we don't get to choose our family, even if it's an annoying female version of my younger brother. I hear the laughing stop, feel those lips on my chin, feel my smirk, remembering how much shorter she is than me and knowing the height I got from that family isn't the worst thing I could've inherited from them, and hear her whisper, "You don't have to wear them Huey, but this just means you're part of the team." I open my eyes, see those dark forest greens, those full lips with that dark color, remember they're all in the living room and we're home, and lower myself, hearing her inhale as she pushes those lips, letting me taste them.

Then I hear, "Hey Huey! Make out with Jazzy girl another fucken time man and come order another damn pizza cuz Riley be eating the whole fucken thing man!" I exhale, feel her kiss me, what idiots call a 'peck' and know I want more, feel her move away, open my eyes, see those greens looking at me, and hear her whisper, "Let's go so we can spend time with our friends and you can try to look annoyed at my little sister for getting you socks with the team's color even though I know you like them because they're also Riley's team's colors." I exhale, remembering the shoes I'm holding, and know I have a lot to make up for. But for now, seeing those greens, remembering the gift she gave me and the dinner, I also remember I want to make up for the lost time, knowing we should've started doing this, whatever this is, 'dating' if that's what it is, years ago, no matter how young we were, and know I want to accomplish making up that lost time. I place the sock next to the other one in the box, close it, bring my hand down, and grab her small hand, knowing it's by her hip because biology dictates that's how it should be. I see that tint, not sure if this is 'affectionate' even though I've grabbed her hand several times but knowing I wanted to grab her hand, even if it is 'affectionate'. I see that smile and I nod.

I look up, exhale, and walk into the living room. I look to left, see that empty pizza box on that table we were eating on a few minutes ago, hear the cursing, look further to the left, and see Ed and Rummy in the fridge. I hear that giggle, look over to the right and see Jazmine's sister on the floor, holding the controller to Caesar's Nintendo. He brought the Nintendo again rather than his Super Nintendo. I look up at Caesar sitting on the couch with a slice of pizza in his hand, see him smirk at me, and he says, "Kids gotta keep learning about the real shit man." I exhale, remembering he dealt with his mother's absence with video games. I feel that warm hand let go, see that soft blonde afro followed by that waist in that pink t-shirt she's wearing right now, those light brown shorts that she won't wear outside of this or her house anymore because she grew out of them after she got a quarter inch taller over the summer, that ass that is perfect, wondering when it became so, see it go around her sister and sit next to her on the floor, and feel my smirk, knowing it does belong to me.

Then, I see her sister hand the controller over to Jazmine and I hear her say, "Sissy, you be ma best and only sis if you do it for me." I feel my eyebrow rise, see Jazmine take the controller with that smirk she doesn't know she's had since last year, see her turn back to the TV, and hear the music for the game again.

I exhale, preparing for the night of games and pizza, walk over to the two-person couch since the larger one is being filled by Caesar, Ming, Hiro and Lauren with my brother on Grandad's recliner. I sit down on the left side of the couch because the smaller coffee table will be next to me and partially, although I don't have to voice it, to see the TV screen from here, put the box down on the table in front of me, and hear Caesar say, "That from Jazzy girl?" I look over at him, see him taking the last bite of that pizza, knowing the necessity for meat in a diet is one of the few things we have never agreed on, and I respond, "No. Riley." I see his eyebrow rise, I look over at my brother, see him showing something to Hiro on his phone, hear Riley say, "Yeah man. Ain't a secret. Shit. I can do it just need to figure that shit out," and then see both of them look up at the TV screen.

I hear Caesar say, "Jazzy girl get you anything?" I look back at him, exhale, and say, "Yeah, gave it to me earlier." I see everyone on the couch stop, turn to me, feel my face getting hot, not from embarrassment I tell myself but from all of them being idiots, and I say, "Not that." I exhale, trying to figure out why I didn't just insult them, regardless of how close we are, but instead explained myself. I see them all start laughing and then hear that voice say, "What's funny guys?" I look over at Jazmine and see her focused on the game. I look at the screen and see she's halfway through that level. I look back at Caesar, shake my head, and he says, "Nothing Jazzy. But you tiny one better do that same shit for this one over here." I hear Jazmine say, "Of course Caes, just let me get it for my sis first and then I'll take care of Mimi's game."

I exhale, see Caesar smile at me, and he says, "Well since your ass is cool with getting presents now, I'ma get your ass one next year." I exhale and say, "Caes," but he cuts me off saying, "Nah ah bro. Your ass got one from Jazzy and Riley and that makes it cool for all of us to give you presents. Alright." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and see his smile get bigger. I roll my eyes, remembering it's not Grandad or Mr. Willis, turn back to the TV, and see she's jumping over those pits without any problem, wondering when she had time to look up important concepts like how racism keeps this country poor and also learn that trick she told Caesar she knows about this level. I hear one of those two I haven't kicked out because I owe them say, "The fuck Jazzy girl doing?" I feel my eyebrow rise trying to remember when they all started calling her that and hear Caesar say, "Watch and learn." I feel my other eyebrow rise seeing her character jump over that first turtle, remember her explaining it, see her jump up those stairs, jump on top of that second turtle as it's coming down, see that turtle go into its shell staying put on that staircase, see her jump back in front of that turtle, hear her exhale, see her jump on top of that turtle again, and feel my mouth open seeing her continue jumping on that same turtle as it bounces back from that staircase, followed by a '1 UP' coming out of that turtle every time she jumps. I calculate three lives per second. I exhale. She cuts hair, makes me accept presents on this day I don't like celebrating, can shoot and is trained in self-defense, understands the struggle exists right now for our community, understands the struggle that exists for us to be together, and can now guarantee a high amount of lives on a game that was popular before she was born. And, she wants to be with me, regardless of my disposition and my past or the family I'm connected to, knowing what a dark patch they are for anyone connected to them, and feel my smirk become that thing she likes.

Then I hear, "The fuck Jazzy! The fuck you doing and how you do that shit!" I see that afro turn around towards me, see her looking behind me, feeling myself exhale longer, knowing, other than at that party where I covered those arms and legs those idiots didn't have to see, I haven't seen her look down when she's addressed to since last year. I see that smile and she says, "I'll teach you and we're even for the party guns." I feel my eyebrow rise and I say, "Jazmine don't worry about," but I hear Ed's voice say, "Nah ah Huey! I wanna learn! Yeah! Show ma ass how you did that and we even on whatever guns you want!" I exhale and see Jazmine smile at me. I see Ed jump over the right side of the couch I'm sitting on, walk towards Jazmine and her sister, and I say, "Jazmine we'll pay," but I hear Rummy cut me off saying, "Huey." I look up to my right, see Rummy leaning on the sofa, and he says, "Let 'em. And don't worry about paying back. Just, you know." I see him exhale, looking at the those three that must be sitting on the floor, and he says, "Keep taking care of them two and don't fuck it up thinking there's better out there cuz of what the fuck they show on TV and shit." I see him exhale, hear that voice I'll be going to sleep to tonight explaining without sounding condescending to an idiot like Ed how to play the game, and hear Rummy continue, quieter, "You and Riley don't wanna end up alone with only your road dog cuz you thought there was better out there, better than what you grew up knowing, better than the girl that was always there for your ass, letting you fuck up and come back, and one day she ain't there no more and you think if this is all I got here I should just go blow up shit in Iraq." I exhale, look back at the floor, seeing that afro and her sister sitting next to Ed trying to explain the game as he keeps getting hit by those turtles, and hear Rummy say, "It ain't been that bad, going to war to get away from the fucked up choices you made, seeing that part of the world, looking for weapons of mass destruction, coming back and finding out Ed Wuncler the third be living in the same fucken city you settled in. And I don't know, maybe one fucken day, when I do meet a good one like those two are, I won't fuck it up again." Those two. I look down at that afro and know what I've seen about this world so far has shown me that most people, a large population of the world, do not consider how important, how necessary, things, places, people, are, until they're gone. Until they're dead. I hear that laugh, see Jazmine lean over, and hug her sister. Those two. I look over at my brother, see him looking down at the floor, see him exhale, look up at me, wonder if he's thinking how small they still are and we need to start them on more upper body moves, see him nod at me, and see him look back down at the floor.

Then I hear Ed say, "The fuck! This game's bullshit! And where's the damn pizza!" I hear Rummy say, "Wait mother fucker! Damn fucken always hungry!" I hear Rummy walking back to the kitchen, ordering several boxes of pizza and then screaming about 'How fucken long'. I exhale and hear that voice say, "Rummy where are you ordering from?" I look back at those greens and see her looking behind me again. I hear Rummy say, "The damn local pizza place you got here but they're saying it's gonna take forty five damn minutes. It takes them two whole episodes of Sein-fuckin-feld to get us pizza!" I exhale, see those greens look at me, and smile at me, knowing I don't like people, even these two who I still feel I owe talking to her like that, even if it's not directed at her. I see her stand up in those shorts, feel my eyebrow rise seeing her walk over to me, swaying those damn hips again, walk up to me, turn that body, wondering if I can kick everyone out to have her sit on my lap like I wanted to while we talked more about things that mattered, and exhale, seeing her sit down next to me, feeling that warm leg through the material of my shorts. I feel myself relax and wonder when she became aware the contact helps.

I look down to my right, see those greens looking around the room, that smirk on those full lips, and I hear her say, "Who wants to call?" I look over at my friends and see them looking at me, knowing they also don't know what's being asked, and then I hear Lauren say, "Well, I guess Mimi called last time, so I can do it." I look over at Lauren, see her pull out her cell phone from one those invisible pockets women tend to have no matter what they're wearing, and hear Hiro say, "Babe who you calling?" I see Lauren kiss Hiro, remembering after that moron on Monday these two have stopped being as discreet about their show of affection, and I hear Lauren say, "You'll see." I feel that soft blonde afro on my shoulder with the weight of her head, wondering if the fucken morons that tests us all at that school realize every time they do, it only pushes us to see what's worth holding on to. I feel her small nails drawing in my palm that's facing me, starting with 'A' for Arna Bontemps, a novelist and poet of our people, and I let her.

I hear Lauren say, "Hi! We just made an order from Timid Deer Lane and we were wondering how long it's going to be before we get it." I see her stop, feel the giggling she's trying to hide next to me, and hear Lauren say, "Okay, because we order a lot from there and we're having a small party and didn't know if we could have the order done faster." I see her stop again, see her smile at Hiro, and she says, "Yes, Ms. DuBois always orders from there and we're in the house across the street." I see her look over at the girl that's giggling next to me, smile at her, and she says, "Yes sir. Ms. Sarah DuBois's daughters and their friends." I see Jazmine's sister crawl up, put her chin on Lauren's legs, see Ming put her head on Lauren's shoulder, being reminded of how much women touch each other, and I hear Lauren say, "Okay. Twenty minutes is fine. We can wait that long. Thank you sir and have a goodnight." I see her bring down her phone, hang up, look over at Hiro, smile at him, throw the phone up in the air, watch him catch it, and she says, "Twenty minutes tops." I hear the girls laugh, close my eyes, and shake my head, having an idea of how they managed it but wanting to have her explain it to me later while I hold those hips.

Then I hear a voice that's been unusually quiet for him say, "A'ight. You'll explaining that shit cuz you the only ones I know for a damn fact ain't hoes at our school so how you make 'em bring the order faster?" I exhale, open my eyes, and feel my smirk seeing all the girls, including those thirty three freckles down and to my right completely red, all of which are aware enough to know a compliment from Riley even when his dumbass isn't trying to compliment them.

I hear Ed say, "Riley you dumbass it's cuz they're females man! How do you not know that shit? Shit, all it takes is them being cute, even more when they look like they do, and they get shit done man." I feel my smirk now, possibly one other people can see, looking down at that big forehead next to me that's now red, and then hear him continue, "Shit. I been at that school cuz of my granddaddy wanting to check on his investments and all that shit and I seen what be there. Just hoes wanting to get down with ma ass cuz of who I am." I look over at Ed, see him playing with that Mario game trying to jump on that second turtle, and remember that girl from Chicago, along with the other girls that saw me as that meal ticket, inhale, take my hand out of hers, knowing she's on 'M' for Maya Angelou and bring my arm over that afro, down her back and hold that waist, feeling her sit back, as she continues with the alphabet on my leg with 'N' for Nat Turner. I hear Ed continue, "Shit, they don't even fucken care that ma ass could go to jail since they're not even eighteen man. Stupid ass females. That's why I told your ass Riley long ass time ago 'bout C-Murder and you finally did it."

I look over at my brother, remembering the airport, wondering why he asked for my opinion when he had his idiot friends like Ed telling him he should be dating Cindy. I see Riley looking away, and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Cindy get up from the floor, walk over to my brother, and sit on his lap. I see Riley sit down further in the recliner, knowing the foot on that recliner was fixed last week, see him look up at me as I ask him, even though it should make no difference to me, if my opinion really mattered at all or if he just wanted affirmation of what Ed had been telling him to do. I see him exhale and nod, giving me his answer. I squeeze that warm waist, knowing there's much I need to make up for, and let her continue writing on my leg, cleaning that part of my body from that family that's that dark patch for my brother and me.

I hear Ed say, "And if Riley's right, cuz I don't know your girls 'nough to know that shit, but if he's right and your girls ain't hoes and go to that fucken school and they look like they do, that means your asses got the few rare ones at that damn school." I hear that inhale from my right, knowing she doesn't like women, girls her age, even if they do have a more liberal view on sex, being talked about like that, and squeeze that waist, hearing her exhale. Then I hear Ming say, "Well, you're right about lots of hoes being there and how we gotta watch them or they'll be coming around acting like hoes even if we trust our guys making us have to slap them to remind them who they belong to." I hear 'Fuck yeah, yep, and yeah' from the other three, hear them laugh, and close my eyes, feeling her continue writing on my leg, and knowing, like I know what family I come from, where I get my stance and my humor from, that I would have my life no other way.

Then I hear, "Jazzy girl come teach me how to kill these damn turtles!" I hear that giggle, feel her kiss my chin, and hear her whisper, "Don't want him breaking Caes's Nintendo. Be back okay." I feel that warm waist leave, exhale, open my eyes, and see those hips walking towards Ed as he's holding that controller, focused on the game, and wonder if this can end at midnight, like the last party.

* * *

I hear Caesar say, "You read the one on MSN about the fucker that stabbed that black guy two years ago?" I exhale, look over at Caesar, and say, "Yeah. Read it yesterday. The case had already been solved so I wasn't reading it for the details but what to be ready for." I see him exhale, look down, and he says, "You read the whole article?" I exhale, look back at that afro that's sitting on the floor with her friends and sister trying to teach both those two how to play that game, and I say, "Yeah." I inhale, remembering the article, bringing up all of those lunatics and their 'ideologies', and their massacres against innocent black folk. My folk. I hear Caesar say, "Yeah man. I hadn't heard some of those fucken names in a minute." I inhale, feeling my temperature rise. Charles Manson, Joseph Paul Franklin, the Aryan Brotherhood that thrives in prison, that psychotic bastard Dylann Roof, all leading to James Harris Jackson. I exhale, knowing they exists, they all do, right now, but this society chooses to ignore them as isolated racists extremists that came from broken homes and watched too much white-supremacy media and are not part of the fabric, the history, of this country, that need to be dealt with now by criminalizing those organizations for the hate they spew to those psychotic minds, those psychotic minds that have access to weapons they use to kill innocent blacks congregating for their religious views or a black man picking up cans on the street. I hear the teakettle sound off, see those hips stand up, and see her walk to the kitchen behind me, feeling myself exhale.

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah man. I had forgotten about that fucken asshole until yesterday when I read that story." I nod, looking at that converse box my brother gave me, my brother who also knows he's black and knows what people say about us when we walk out of the room. I hear Caesar say, "I even forgot the fucken reason he did it. Crazy ass fucken asshole." I inhale, know I'll protect her from any imbecile trying to hurt her or her peace as long as I'm around. I hear Caesar say, "I won't lie man. I get scared about that shit happening, some fucken crazy asshole trying to hurt me on the street cuz I'm with her but only cuz they might try hurting her to and I can't let that shit happen." I inhale, that lunatic fucken asshole that's in prison for life for killing that innocent black man that was picking up those cans on the streets that night did it because he was 'practicing' to kill more black men who he believed to be sleeping with white women. His aim was interracial couples, focusing on black men and white women, because white women choosing to be with a black man or any other non-white man, in his Nazi apocalyptic view, would somehow one day lead to the demise of the white race. That fucken lunatic that will die in prison but not before joining that brotherhood in there that I'm sure welcomed him with open arms for killing an innocent black man, twice his age, stabbing him from behind in the middle of the night, like the fucken coward he is.

I hear Caesar say, "Hu." I look over at him, see him looking at me with his eyebrow raised, and I hear him say, "You know all of us are on that fucken list right?" I inhale and say, "You and Hiro still sparring?" I see him exhale, nod, and see him look over at Hiro. I look over at my brother and Hiro and hear Caesar say, "Bro." I see Hiro and Riley stop talking, see them look over at us, see my brother's eyebrow rise, see him exhale, and get up. They both walk over to us, sit down next to Caesar, and Caesar says, "We practice on our own and spar once a month but we can kick it up." I see Hiro look over at Caesar and he says, "What for bro?" I exhale and say, "Precautions." I see Hiro look at me and then hear Riley say, "It's cuz of that fucken asshole that killed that black guy few years ago man." I feel my eyebrow rise, look at my brother, see him smirk at me and he says, "Saw that shit on your computer when I was looking for more ammo." I exhale. The ammo for the bb guns I know he got from my room while I was training in the garage a few nights ago. I hear Hiro say, "You'll wanna explain the fuck you talking about?"

I hear Caesar exhale and he says, "Some fucken lunatic stabbed a black guy in the back two years ago, showing up to the fucken police later saying he did it cuz he wanted to stop white women from being with black men and I think any other fucken race that didn't sit fucken well with his Nazi thinking ass and thought by doing that shit he could start a race war." I see Caesar inhale and he continues, "And an article was posted on MSN a few days ago that was talking about it and we just always need to be ready for shit to go down." I exhale, feeling those particles in my nose, knowing that smell, and then hear my brother say, "We were just gonna fuck around with the guns next day but I made her practice on grabbing her gun from me and aim befor' I could attack. I knows I ain't always fucken around." I look at my brother, see him looking down at the table, and I exhale. He used the ammo to continue training Jazmine's sister and didn't just waste it. He has grown up some.

I hear Hiro say, "So that shit could get back to my ass." I look at Hiro, see him looking down at Lauren's cell phone he has yet to give her back and I assume she has yet to ask for, reminding me of that scarf I'm sure I will never ask those hips to return, and hear Hiro continue, "I know what I am. I know what she is. But I couldn't give two shits about that. She's the best one I've had and maybe the best one I'll see for a long fucken time. And she knows what I am and she couldn't give two shits about that. But I know how this shit fucken works. We're still not the fucken same. We're different. And assholes like that could look at us and think 'why not start the fucken race war with these two cuz they shouldn't be together'." I see him inhale, hear the sound of fingers rubbing the cover of that cell phone he's holding, and he continues, "And those assholes only care about the white race getting bigger, no matter how that happens, and any girl, especially ones that look like her, are worth nothing unless they want to be with a white guy or a guy that's more like her, like that fucken asshole I will fucken beat next time he tries anything with her." I see him exhale, look up at me, smirk, and he says, "I'm in. I need to be ready to take care of her and anything that comes my fucken way and I can't let your asses have all the fun all the damn time. My bro and I will start up on sparring every other Sunday." I nod and exhale, strategizing how I can perform a multiple combination fast enough before landing back on my feet.

I hear Riley say, "It's what those fucken people will always say when we leave but I still couldn't care 'bout that long as she ain't like that. But I knows. I'm black, she white, even if she don't like when people call her that. But I also know I couldn't fucken give two shits what she is long as she keeps being C-Murph who been slapping females that be stepping on her turf since Young Reezy's funraiser and now I gotta hold her ass back from slapping hoes when they step up." I close my eyes, hearing their cackling, realizing the tension is leaving, and shake my head. I hear Caesar say, "Shit Riley, well at least probably cuz you've known her ass for fucken ever she listens to your ass when you stop her. Shit, with Ming, I gotta hold her ass down and remind her I don't fucken care that girl's fucken here or any other girl that looks at my ass." I open my eyes, see Caesar smirk at Riley, and he says, "Even told her next time that shit with those pictures or those calls happens, fucken hoping it never fucken does, but if it does, she can beat the shit outta her and I'll sit back eating those bacon burritos she brings me."

I hear them laugh, exhale, and close my eyes, trying to stop the reflex that comes from having to smell that pizza he brought with that meat covering it that they ate before I walked into the living room but the smell hasn't left, and now having to think about more meat. I smell that one smell that comes from only that tea, feeling that reflex settle back down into my stomach, open my eyes, look to my right, see that cup she's holding, the steam coming out of that cup, go up, see that pink shirt, how tight it continues to get, the shape of that green stone under it, go up, and see that soft afro that smells like strawberries. I see that smile, exhale, grab that cup, and see her turn around, seeing those hips and that ass that's perfect in every way, walking away with her own cup of my mother's tea, back to her sister and friends that are sitting on the floor with Ed and Rummy.

I hear Hiro say, "Well shit bro. I thought my girl was too damn nice 'till this week when she found a phone number some girl taped to my locker. Saw her ass grab it, read it, and she fucken took off to look for that girl, whoever the fuck she was. Had to throw her over my shoulder and take her to the fucken rooftop again to calm her ass down. I mean I don't fucken care we missed homeroom but I'm fucken happy we don't gotta go up there in the fucken cold to spend more time alone no more." I look over at Hiro, taste that tea, feeling something seeping through those cracks still, letting the tea she made that comes from my mother continue to heal whatever dark part of me still needs healing, see Hiro smirk at me and he says, "Yeah man. They said only Saturday nights cuz I think they be taking advise from Jazzy girl's and Cin's momma." I swallow the tea and realize how hot it is, wondering if she can make more after I'm done with this one. I hear those other two laughing again, exhale, and hear Caesar say, "So today went alright?"

I see Hiro exhale, looking down at that cell phone, and he says, "Yeah. We went to that mini golf spot again. And, after her mom and her went inside to play in the arcade, I stayed out there with her old man in the golf course and he said she asked to start sleeping over and he said he trust me and just wants me to know she's special. I told him I knew she was special, even told his ass she's different, different from any girl I met before. Then, cuz he said he trusted my ass, I told him I don't like lying and shit and told him 'bout who I am, 'bout who my family is." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my brother say, "'Bout your folks or Chi-Town?" I see Hiro look over at the TV screen where I hear the laughing and giggling coming from and the cursing coming from Ed, and hear Caesar say, "Bro?" I see Hiro exhale and hear him say, "All of it." I hear my brother inhale, knowing those two are close, and hear Caesar say, "What happened?" I see Hiro look back down at that phone, see him smirk, and hear him say, "Wells, he said he respected my honesty and shit, said it took courage to tell him, and told me she went through her own shit as a kid, shit I already knew 'bout that still fucking pisses me off and day comes I meet those fucken cousins I'ma fuck them up." I see him exhale and he continues, "Told him long as I'm around no one's gonna be talking shit to her or ever make her do shit she don't wanna do, and I don't know, after that, maybe cuz of what I told him or whatever I said about her, he said she could start sleeping over Saturday nights, if she wants to."

I hear Caesar say, "Damn bro. That's sound harder than what I had to do. Shit. I just went golfing with them, ate at some Chinese restaurant where I ate anything they gave my ass cuz that food was fucken good, and when we got back to their house they asked me to help them move some of the heavy shit in their garage. And, the whole time they were telling me about China, her grandad that won't let the kickball thing fucken go, how much fucken happier she was after they moved to the states and just all about her life. Didn't really say nothing to them cuz I've already told them about my mom's, how she takes care of my grandma, how that piece a shit never took responsibility for us, and how my uncle been there since before I can fucken remember. But, just listening to them that day, I know more about her than she probably knows about herself man. And." I see him stop, exhale, look up where Hiro was looking at, hearing Ming telling Rummy he needs to stop dying, see Caesar smirk in their direction, and he says, "That's how I know they fucken love her ass man. Not just cuz she's their only kid, but just everything they know about her that she don't even know. Like they got all her accomplishments, her goals, even the ones about her wanting to be a writer later one, memorized man. Like she's their biggest accomplishment. And I mean, shit, I know why they feel like that about her, but still, it was nice, to just be around parents that talk like that about their kid. So, I told them that I already knew she was special just cuz of who she is but hearing them talk like that about her let me know where she gets that attitude from that I like and they don't gotta worry about me or anyone making her do anything she don't wanna do ever but I'll be there to make sure no one touches her. Then, they told me they'd tell her if she could sleep over and to not forget to make up the school work I missed hanging out with them that day. I left, she called, and told my ass they said yeah."

I hear Riley say, "Shit man I only needed Cin's momma to be a'ight with ma ass and I think she fucken knew no one can make Cin do shit if she don't wanna do it so her momma ain't fucken worried." I hear those other two laughing, see my brother shake his head, looking down, smirk at that floor, and hear him say, "But I ain't gonna lie man. I can't be with no girl that ain't willing to throw it down for me like I'm willing to throw it down for her and all she fucken does is bitch 'bout where I be like she don't fucken trust me, like other girls did. Can't do that shit no more. I want what the fuck I want and it gotta be someone that can throw it down, plays ball, and can keep me on my fucken game, clean."

I hear that voice telling her sister and friends to pass the ball and focus on their form next week, remember those hips moving up when she slapped that girl at school, the move she performed hitting that girl's throat in Chicago that was spewing lies whenever she opened her mouth, the way she stares down girls that look at me, those hips swaying in my direction when she was leaving that girl yelling in the middle of the cafeteria with her head held high like she used to, the way she marks the page I'm on whenever I'm interrupted from my reading and takes those same books away so I can 'take a break' by making me watch TV, go to that hill, or just eat, how balanced I feel even right now, how tonight I know I'll finish _Up From Slavery_ while she sits over my legs on my bed, letting me feel that ass next to my leg, that twenty-four by sixteen inch replica painting in that one inch dark brown frame we haven't talked about tonight, how clean I feel whenever she allows me to touch her or she touches my leg or hand to draw, letting me focus on those influential black Americans, those lips and buns that remind me of what she went through because she was never, will never be, white enough for some, how some of those same fucken morons that ridiculed her look at her now and know if they try getting close it'll mark their demise, and how she keeps me focused, balanced, energized towards those goals, the ones that mean more to me than money, property, or prestige. And she's only fractionally aware of all of this because she does these things by just being 'Jazmine'. I look up towards that TV screen, see that blonde afro, seeing those particles in that hair, and hear myself say, "Yeah," hearing those other two say 'Fuck yeah' and 'Yeah man' at the same time. I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at them, hear the cackling, and shake my head, feeling my smirk, knowing they are my idiot trusted friends and we might all be more similar than I even want to acknowledge.

I hear the doorbell ring, exhale, get up, and walk over to the door, hearing them all continue talking. I get to the door, open it, instantly feel that reflex coming back smelling that pizza, and I say, "How much?" I see that guy's smile fall, roll his eyes, and I exhale, trying to relax, knowing where this is going, and not wanting to punch him in the stomach only because apparently the girls like ordering from this pizza place. I hear him say, "Ninety-four and twenty-six cents man. That shits without tip." I exhale, grab my wallet, pull out my credit card and he says, "Nah man. Only cash cuz you'll didn't order it like that." I nod, put my credit card back in my wallet, look for the emergency money I keep in my wallet, and hear him say, "And if you ain't got it, I ain't leaving it alright." I look up, feel my temperature rising, and hear Caesar say, "The fuck you saying? Like we can't pay. This the kind of service your pizza place gives to everyone or just special orders made by blacks." I inhale, knowing how the world still works, and how black boys and men are supposed to remain calm even in the face of overt racism because we don't want to be labeled at the 'angry black guy' and just how fair that is. I see that guy that doesn't know us, squint his eyes at Caesar, open his mouth, and wonder if it's going to be Caesar that punches him first, and then hear Ming say, "Oh it's you again." I see that guy look over to where I assume Ming is standing next to Caesar, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Yeah. I thought they got it wrong at the store when they told me you'll were at this house and you'll didn't answer the door." I exhale, knowing it's going to be Caesar that punches him, if it does happen, and hear Ming say, "Yeah. 'Course we over here. Think we told your ass that our guys hang out over here and we might order from here once in a while. Thought you'd remember that. Now can we have our pizza cuz we still gots to eat?" I see that idiot nod, possibly still confused, knowing he is an idiot, see Ming step up, grab the four boxes, turn around, walk back into the house, and hear her say, "Thanks homie. Michael boo pay the guy and come eat."

I look back at that idiot, feel my eyebrow rise, seeing he looks mad, and hear Caesar say, "I heard ninety-five and with tip, even if you don't fucken deserve that shit, that's a hundred and ten, and that's all you fucken get." I see him exhale, looking down, still mad I assume but then I remember I don't care enough. I hear Caesar pulling his wallet out, I look back at my wallet, pull out three twenties from my emergency money, hand them to Caesar, look back up at the fucken idiot as he continues to look down, and hear Caesar say, "Hu. It's today. You ain't fucken pay," but I cut him off with, "Caes." I hear him exhale and feel him take the money, knowing one thing we do not argue about is money, because that's one of those things that doesn't matter.

I see Caesar hand that guy the five twenties and one ten. I step back, turn back to get back to that tea that helps with the reflex that began six years ago after Grandad's first attempt at that dinner that could kill us all, and hear that idiot say, "So they all seeing some fucken black guy?" I inhale, look back at that fucken idiot, who's probably sixteen, could be a number of races, not just white or Latino, is just as racist as most of those races don't want to admit to being, and is pissed that those girls could be choosing to be with a black guy or someone that's not him. I hear Caesar say, "That ain't your fucken business. And no, they ain't just seeing someone. They got fucken boyfriends asshole. So, mind your business and don't be a fucken idiot next time and learn some damn manners fucken assuming people can't pay just cuz they're black." I see that guy exhale, not replying, hear Caesar exhale, and see that door close.

I exhale, look back at Caesar, see him smirk at me, and hear him say, "Shit. Said it at the beginning of the semester, we got the best-looking ones and knew we were gonna have to keep an eye out for dicks but now I know we also gotta take care of dicks that be delivering fucken pizza to their house. Shit man." I exhale, feeling my smirk, shake my head at his accurate description of our situation, and start walking back to the living room, feeling him to my left. I stop at the entrance of the living room and exhale, seeing that hair being held above her head, with the long soft afro coming down between those shoulder blades, seeing her picking up my cup and walking over to the kitchen. I inhale, seeing her put that cub in the microwave to warm it up, knowing it must be room-temperature by now and I prefer to have it hotter than that. I see her lean on the opposite counter, watching the timer on the microwave, thinking about whatever 'Jazmine' things she's thinking about, and hear the cursing and laughing and cackling coming from the right side of that room, in the living room where my brother, friends and their girlfriends are, hearing them 'enjoying' themselves, knowing I don't see the reasoning behind spending time on those games but I know she finds enjoyment in that, like I find contentment in pushing my body over its limit time and time again and she tells me to not push myself too much because I could injure myself. We're different, we are. She can find 'joy' in things I can't or possibly won't, she still believes people are predominantly good based on her giving that girl with that voice that makes me shiver even two seconds of her time, but we're also similar in the ways that matter, in the goals to better a community, whether that's through her wanting to save a sorry excuse for a man from being sent back to a place where he had more detrimental roads than progressive ones to choose from, to me continuing to write strongly worded letters about Shabazz's innocence to the government, to her going into the medical field to focus on the older folk, a population of our country that constantly is set aside because their voices are not as loud as others, to the evidence I brought forth that helped the DA's office free innocent men of all colors, men who in status, economic, and social aspects do not have voices as loud as others as well. We're similar in many ways and not similar in many ways. And, it's possible, spending this much time with her, I want more, not just what she's willing to give, but more of something different, something bigger, more change in this world, no matter what that looks like.

I hear Caesar say, "Happy birthday brother." I exhale and say, "Thank you." I feel that pat on my upper back, see him pass me, and hear him say, "Took too damn long to see you happy man." I inhale. June third, when we started dating. November six, today. Five months and three days and I feel, relaxed and content. I still do not believe people are made for each other and I am not superstitious, believe in numerical signs, believe in folk tales, or that people find who they belong to, if they belong with anyone at all. I believe in science and action. And, I also believe what I am right now is enough for her. I hear that beep, see those hips move up, feel my smirk, feel myself move up, get to the kitchen counter, move around it, see her push the button to open the microwave, step behind her, see that slender neck with that white gold necklace that's somehow making that neck look softer right now, grab those warm hips, and feel her shiver. I see her turn around, letting my hands move around those hips, see those dark forest greens looking up at me, see that tint, and she says, "Bestie, everyone's right here." I go down, taste those full lips, knowing they would taste like something sweet and that tea, feel her push in, know I want more, but first I want to tell her. I pull away, see her open her eyes, and I say, "Later, about that painting. I want to tell you more."

I see that smile, her nod, and then hear, "Huey told your ass to stop making out with Jazzy girl 'till she helps me kill this damn dinosaur looking fucken turtle!" I exhale, see those lips move, and she whispers, "Just until the pizzas are done okay, then you can tell me everything." I exhale and nod, waiting for those pizzas to finish to tell her about that painting.

* * *

I ask him, "So did you like today?" I feel him exhale and I put my cheek on that clean white shirt that smells like detergent and Irish Spring soap because it's Huey. I know all we did was eat, hang out with friends like a normal day, plus Ed and Rummy making it even more fun, and played video games, but that's still a lot to do today, a day he doesn't like celebrating. But he still did it. He still hung out and let us all celebrate his birthday hanging out together. I exhale, smile into that shirt, and hope he's okay with how much I like hugging him like this, specially when I'm happy.

I hear that voice say, "That painting." I smile, knowing he really liked it and wanted to tell me more about it. I hear him whisper, "It was my father's favorite painting." I open my eyes, see that bright white shirt I was smelling, exhale, and remember what Huey always needs that he doesn't say he needs. I close my eyes and exhale again so I can just let him talk.

I hear him say, "I don't know how I know this. I do remember when they took us to DuSable the first time and he pointed it out." I feel him exhale and hear him say, "And he had a replica in his home office." I feel that hand squeeze my fist and I ask, "Does it make you feel bad to see it?" I feel him move in closer to my body, feel that broad back with my nipples, swallow, and hear him say, "No." I exhale and then hear him say, "It reminds me of a different time. A time of little worry. But it doesn't bring back unpleasant memories so no, it doesn't make me feel grief." I exhale again, nod, and wait for him to keep talking.

After those seven seconds I hear him say, "I believe my father not only kept one in our apartment but also at his office at the community college where he worked. So, it reminds me of his dedication to teaching African American history at that school and how he wanted to bring that dedication home to us." I feel my eyes open. His dad taught African American history at a community college. What community college? His dad also liked art. What kind of art? I wonder if his mom liked art to and helped his dad researching for those classes he taught. He said his mom liked cooking. What kind of cooking? Jazmine focus. I squeeze him a little tighter, hear him exhale longer, and I wait, hoping I'm still giving him that stability he needs. I hear him say, "But, I would still more than consider associating that painting to the dish with those changes you made, watching you teach those idiots about that game that you still haven't told me when you had time for, and having that tea tonight."

I smile, close my eyes, put my face back in that broad back, and I say, "When I was little, before you guys moved here, I found a Nintendo in our attic. I asked mom and she said it was his." I feel him inhale, I squeeze him more, hear him exhale, and I say, "I asked him if I could play with it. He said I could have it if I got the parts needed to use it on our TV. So, I think that weekend, mom took me to an old game store, bought me the parts, we connected it to the TV in the living room, and we played with it for a whole weekend. Mom showed me how to do that move to get all those lives. I learned it in those two days. It was so much fun." I inhale, smelling that soap, that warm blanket that is Huey, and I say, "Then, the next weekend when I tried looking for it, I couldn't find it. I asked mom and we looked for it all over the house and we both couldn't find it. Then mom asked him and I remember he said he threw it away because he didn't want me playing with those games because I already had too many toys and I would just want more." I exhale, feeling that heat in his chest rise, move my hand out of his and move it up and down his chest, reminding me of the first time I did it in Chicago when he was telling me about wanting to go see his mom and dad, but that day his chest was cold. He was scared. At least I think that's what it means when he's cold. Right now it's getting hot and I know that means he's getting mad. I try to go faster, knowing I sometimes go off on tangents, and I don't want him to feel bad or mad on this day, and I say, "I don't know why he did it but it's okay because all I remember from that is having fun with my mom that weekend." I feel that chest rise and fall, feeling that heat still there, kiss that back, feel him exhale longer, and I hear him say, "Do you." I hear him stop, inhale, and then he says, "Want one?"

I open my eyes, feel my smile, and I say, "No bestie. It was nice to play with it today, remember that weekend with mom, and then show my sister and friends how to do it, and even try to teach Ed and Rummy how to play the game, but I'm okay with that staying back there, you know, back when I was little. It's okay today. And I have so much today that I wanna still learn about and read about and look up online that I really don't have time for those games. Maybe one day, like a long time from now, if I ever you know, have a family, then maybe I'll want to play those games with kids, you know like, little kids." I feel him exhale, knowing my face is getting warm, trying to stop it, and I hear him say, "You mean playing that game with children of your own." I inhale, close my eyes, exhale, knowing my face is hot now, and I need to relax a little and I say, "Well, yeah. But right now I don't need it. I just need to focus on getting good grades in school, doing extracurricular stuff, like the volunteer service, not just because I like it but because it looks good on college applications, and hope with all that one day I can get accepted to as many colleges as I can so I can try to go to the same college you go to." I open my eyes, knowing that sounded so dumb. Like why do I keep thinking we're going to go to the same college and be together forever? Like, that's such a fairy tale princess idea and Huey's just not into that stuff. I need to say I'm sorry for being so childish still.

I exhale and say, "I'm sorry Huey. I shouldn't just keep assuming you even want us," but I stop when I feel that large hand of his grab mine again. I feel that hand squeeze mine into that fist he likes doing to my hand and I hear him say, "You will." I inhale, close my eyes, feel my smile, put my face into that back again, and I say, "Okay bestie." I hear him exhale, inhale, and feel that hand of his let go of my hand just a little, knowing he wants to sleep like this tonight because he's not letting go of my hand to let me play with his hair. He wants me to hold him tonight while he goes to sleep, on his birthday. I have so much today.

Then I hear that monotone voice say, "Remember to use that smaller drawer for any of your extra clothes you want to leave here." I feel my eyes open, see that bright white shirt again, feel my mouth open, feel him move back a little more, feel that broad back up against my chest now, close my mouth to swallow, hear him swallow, and then I hear him say, "And." I blink, not knowing what's happening right now, and I hear him say, "I understand most guys would ask for more tonight but." I blink, hearing him, but not sure how to process the words he's saying, and he continues, "After that gift and talking about my father, I would prefer if we just slept." I hear him stop, hear him swallow, and he says, "Like this."

I blink, once, twice, not sure how many times, knowing he just told me that drawer is for me to leave my extra clothes here and also that he knows guys usually ask for more, maybe like sex or other things, on their birthday, but he doesn't want that. He just wants to lay like this and go to sleep. After reminding him of a time where he didn't worry because he was a little kid, living with his mom and dad, and was probably really, really happy, he just wants me to hold him tonight, like this. And, maybe he said it because he thinks I expect more from him. Maybe he even thinks I'll think about him differently if he's not what I expect him to be, if he's not like other guys, wanting to do more stuff tonight than just lay here. My bestie. He wants me to think of him as a guy and he might be afraid, even if that's one of those things he'll never admit to, that I won't. I have to remind him.

I close my eyes and say, "Huey." I swallow and say, "I like who you are. And you're still more of a guy than any guy I know." I hear him swallow, feel my smile, and I say, "So don't worry about any of that stuff. I just want us to, you know, be together, as best friends or if we're." I stop, feel my face getting warm, and I say, "Dating. I just want us to be what we are. And, I know you won't say it because you're Huey, but I think today was really nice, better than nice, like maybe perfect, and I want us to just go to sleep to, like this. And." I exhale, feeling my face get hot, and I say, "Thank you for letting me use that drawer. I can leave some of my pajamas and extra clothes here for Sundays when I leave early to go hang out with my mom and sister and not have to rush home to change. So, thank you." I feel him move back even more and feel his lower back with my stomach, knowing he doesn't want us to do anything tonight, feeling my smile, thinking maybe he wants us to just cuddle tonight. I put my leg up a little more, feeling the back of his thigh with my knee, those strong calves his socks normally cover with my foot, and I say, "I really thought you got that drawer to put more of your socks and underwear and those white shirts you like wearing to sleep now in there. I really didn't think it was for me bestie. That was like, really nice of you. Thank you."

I hear that exhale, wonder if he's smirking in that cute way only I can see, and I hear him say, "Only in your Jazmine head." I feel my smile and I say, "Goodnight warm brain." I hear that inhale, know he has to be tired from being around Ed and Rummy today and that pizza I know makes him a little sick, and hear him say, "Jazmine." I say, "Yes bestie?" I feel that chest move up, move down, and then hear him say, "Do you remember what I said about wanting you to meet Aunt Cookie?" I feel my eyes open, see that bright shirt, swallow, feeling my heart skip remembering that day, and I say, "Yes. That I was the only thing you ever wanted to show Aunt Cookie." I smile, looking at that bright shirt, remembering those words, right before he kissed me that first time. I hear him inhale and hear him say, "And I do nothing halfway. I said that because I meant it." I kiss that back, hear him exhale, and I say, "I know bestie. But why are you bringing it up? I know you're really tired from today and we can talk about that tomorrow." I feel that chest move up and hear him say, "It needs to be said tonight." I hear him inhale and hear him continue, "I meant what I said that day Jazmine. And I meant it on any day of the week, including on a hot day here or in Chicago, whether the sun is out or it's not, regardless of the additional amount of melanin that is produced by the body to protect the skin from exposure to the sun, which for many people with a lighter pigmentation leads to becoming sunburn."

I feel my eyebrow rise, confused. Melanin. The Sun. Lighter pigmentation. Becoming sunburn. My skin gets red when I'm in the sun for too long. I feel my eyes open. What I said about skin that doesn't get red in the sun when we were eating earlier. I swallow and ask, "Are you talking about what I said about my skin getting red in the sun Huey?" I hear that long exhale, I blink, and then I hear him say, "And Aunt Cookie took some sort of liking to you, regardless of your creative nicknames and exposure to the sun because she judges people based on showing them exactly who they want to be." Huey just said Aunt Cookie liked me. I feel my smile. And, Huey just said Aunt Cookie only cares about what people want to be. I feel my eyes open. Aunt Cookie doesn't care that my skin gets red when I'm the sun for too long as long as I know what I want to be. I look down at that back, feeling my smile get bigger, knowing Aunt Cookie doesn't care that I get red in the sun and that other ignorant people get confused about what I am because Aunt Cookie only cares that I'm exactly who I want to be. I kiss that back and say, "Okay bestie. I'll remember that about Aunt Cookie."

I close my eyes, feeling happy with today, everything about today, our friends, playing that game, talking about his dad and my mom, and now this. I feel that chest rise, feel it getting warm, wondering if he's okay, and I hear him say, "And the result of that exposure to the sun is who you are and I like nothing halfway." I open my eyes, feel his hand squeeze my hand a little tighter into that fist, see that warm brain sink into that pillow, and I breathe. Did Huey just say in that very Huey way that me getting red in the sun is part of who I am and he likes that part of me because he likes me? I exhale, knowing, over everything he just told me that made me happy, what he said right now is the best part. And, I want to get on the bed and jump up and down because I'm so happy, but seeing that afro in that pillow, feeling that chest move up and down with that heat in his chest coming down, hearing those inhales and exhales, and knowing how Huey doesn't talk about feelings or liking someone, I smile, thinking maybe he can talk about feelings when it's about us. Just like I get to listen to that voice as much as I want when we're alone, maybe he does talk about feelings when it's about us. And, right now, after talking about his dad and feelings, he needs that stability again and he needs to rest and not have me jump on the bed just because I'm really happy.

I close my eyes and inhale that scent that is Huey, hoping after everything today, he's going to sleep a little happier because he liked what happened today. And, I hope he lets me give him another present that makes him a little happy next year when we have another Huey celebration day.

* * *

Hi, hope you all liked it. Almost done with the next chapter. Hope to hear how, if, and/or why you all liked it.

Thank you again,

Bulma's Ego.


	31. Games, rivals, letting go, & explosions

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you. I so look forward to your comments, you got no idea. Thank you so much because you make me smile. For real. 😊.

dannyphantomlover7: I'm so happy you're still reading! Oh my god! I so went back to look at your last comment and I was like "homie, love you." Thank you for still being on this road with these characters.

WARNING: Um. Hmm. How do I say this? It gets, "interesting." I hope you all like it. But, if you do not want to read the more "interesting stuff," just skip from "I squeeze that small frame" to "I inhale happiness." You'll see the beginning and ending of the scene as usu. Either way, I hope you all enjoy.

CHAPTER 31:

I sit down, smell that Hugo Boss cologne, smile, turn to my left, and I say, "Here you go Leo." I see that big smile, those dark eyes, and know now more than ever where Caesar gets that face. He gets it from his mom's family. That's what Ming said. Leo is Caesar's mom's brother. And, it's really cute how all of us know so much about our boyfriends and talk to each other about it, like we're all best friends. I give him his soda and mom's water and turn back to the court, feeling my face light up, seeing all the lights shinning down.

I hear Leo say, "You excited to see your sister and friends tonight Jazzy?" I smile, put my head on his shoulder, feel my mom's warm hand on my left shoulder, and I say, "Yes. I can't wait to see them come out and play this team." I feel someone sit to my right, look over, and see Grandad helping Ms. Lola sit down next to me. I smile seeing them both wearing the same shirts my mom and Leo are wearing and I say, "I'm happy you could come Ms. Lola." She smiles back and says, "Me too Jazzy love. I can't wait to see little Cindy and the rest of her team play." I feel my smile get bigger thinking that Ms. Lola calls the team my sister's team even if she isn't the captain. Then I inhale, seeing that afro helping Grandad sit down on Ms. Lola's other side. He loves Grandad so much even if never says it, not even asking Grandad if he needs helps, just helping him whenever he can.

I inhale, excited for tonight, turn back to the court, take a drink of my water bottle, and hear Grandad say, "Well, I know baby girl and those girls are good, always practicing, and not having lost one damn game this year so I know they'll win. Damn, should'a bet money on the team when Ruckus asked." I feel my lips twist, seeing Uncle Ruckus down there in his referee outfit, wondering just how old Uncle Ruckus is and hoping he doesn't get hurt being down there. I think he might even still have a bad back from Riley's attacks on 'Santa'. I shake my head thinking about Riley as a kid and then I hear that voice say, "You'll we gotta pass." I feel my smirk, knowing his swearing and rudeness with other people has gotten way better since we came back from Chicago. I hear him say, "You'll move befor' we keep our damn promise from last time." I roll my eyes. Maybe not. And what promise is he talking about? I look down to my right to the bleachers right below us, see two guys, I think students at our school, stand up, and let the guys pass by in front of them.

I see Riley walk over to sit in front of my mom, Hiro in front of Leo and I see Caesar stay behind and sit in front of Grandad and Huey. They're all so cute wanting to sit next to their best friends. I hear that same voice say, "Ms. S ma head hurts." I can't help but giggle, remembering he's such a baby with my mom, and feel my mom's hand leave my shoulder. I look over and see her start massaging Riley's head. He's so cute now with my mom. I wonder if Huey will ever be like that with her. Huey. I look over to my right, over Ms. Lola and Grandad's head who are whispering to each other right now, reminding me of Hiro and Lauren, and see those burgundy eyes looking at me. I smile at him, see him exhale, and wonder if he thinks I smile too much and if I'm still really childish.

I hear Caesar's voice say, "Wonder if they're all gonna be hungry after the game." I look down at those dreads, see he has his arms crossed over his chest, and he's staring out at the court. I look out, exhale, and say, "Well, I know how similar my sister and our friends are so I say yes." She's always hungry after practice. I feel my smile seeing the stands in front more than halfway filled. Their families and friends came to support them and they're all wearing their team's color, blue and orange. I look down and see Caesar wearing his red and gray shirt, look to my left and see Hiro in his red shirt, and then see Riley wearing that awesome gray jacket with the bright red lines over the writs, the collar, and the bottom of the jacket. A track basketball jacket with the colors of the team that my sister found online. And then that patch. That's how I know my sister likes Riley that much. She bought the patch for the school basketball team at the student store and sewed it on the left side of that jacket and then gave it to Riley. I don't know when she gave it to him, but I remember hearing the 'Damn Cin! That shit for me!' last weekend coming from upstairs after Huey had falling asleep. I was happy it didn't wake up Huey but I think that's when she gave it to him. My gangster little sister that sews for her boyfriend.

I look up to my left and see Leo and mom wearing those red t-shirts that say, 'Wuncler's High Basketball!' in the front. I smile, look forward again, put my head back on that shoulder that smells like Hugo Boss and wonder where Tom is. No Jazmine. Not right now. I exhale, look down, and remember how happy I am now. How happy mom and my sister are now. And things always work out in the end. I look up at the court, feel that stare, smile, look to my right over Ms. Lola's and Grandad's head, see those burgundy eyes looking at me, and wonder if I can go annoy him by sitting on his lap. Jazmine stop being dumb. I giggle, see him exhale, and then I stop giggling, hearing that voice say, "Oh my gosh Huey! You're here tonight! And we're sitting next to each other!" I exhale, roll my eyes, see him close his eyes, know he's shivering, and wonder if I can text him that he can leave early if he wants to and I'll tell him how the game goes.

Then I hear Ms. Lola's warm voice say, "Jazzy love how about you and Huey go get Robert and I some waters?" I look over at Ms. Lola, see her smiling at me, I smile back, and say, "Yes Ms. Lola." I get up, see those burgundy eyes follow me, and hear Ms. Lola say, "Oh and you should go down the steps sweetheart so you don't go over anyone and when you come back you can come back up those same steps." I feel my smile get bigger, knowing what she's trying to do, see Huey step down next to Caesar, and see Caesar stand up to let Huey pass in front of him. I see Huey pass Caesar, get to me, put his hand out to help me down, and then hear Caesar say, "Jazzy girl can you get uncle Leo some water to?" I smile at Caesar, nod at him, grab Huey's hand, take that step down, and hear Leo's voice say, "I already have soda. You don't have to get me anything Jazzy." I hear Hiro say, "Leo you can't be drinking only soda. You need water," followed by my mom's voice saying, "I told him boys, but he doesn't listen." I start giggling at them all trying to take care of Leo and hear that shriek say, "Huey where are you going?" I exhale, look to the side, wondering if I'm going to have to slap her tonight, feel that pull on my hand, and hear him say, "Let's go." I follow those shoulders down the bleachers, happy we're this far down because we got here early enough, see students move to let us pass probably because it's Huey and because of his 'Spawn' reputation, and get down to the floor. I look up at the clock and say, "We have ten minutes." I see him nod and I follow him.

Okay, so a water for Ms. Lola, Grandad, and Leo. I think I saw Riley with a water bottle and I know he always has water with him because he needs to stay hydrated. I wonder if we should get soda or water for Caesar and Hiro. I look up, see those double doors, and I say, "I know we need to get three waters but we should get something for Caes and Hiro. Do you know if," but I stop, feeling him grab my hand as we keep walking. He's grabbing my hand again in public. I ask, "What's wrong bestie?" Darn it. I need to stop calling him that in public. But he doesn't look mad that I called him that. And why is he looking at the bleachers where the other team's family and friends are sitting? I look over, and inhale, seeing him. And, he's looking at us. I hold that hand tighter, feel him hold my hand, and know I will be slapping someone tonight and it might be a stupid guy. And this time my bestie won't need to protect me from those kinds of jerks. My bestie.

I look back at Huey and see he's still looking at those bleachers. I exhale, see we've reached the double doors, and I stop. I see him stop, look down at me with those intense burgundy eyes, and I say, "Huey it was a long time ago. Remember that okay. And I will slap him this time. I promise." I see that long exhale, give him those seven seconds, see him nod, feel my smile knowing he trust that I can take care of myself today, feel him squeeze my hand, and I follow him to the concession stands, happy we're holding hands again in public.

We buy five water bottles from the guy behind the first stand, I look over to my right and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Huey staring down the guy, and I hear the guy say, "Do you want a bag?" I look back at him and ask, "Like a plastic bag?" I see his eyebrow rise and he says, "Yeah." I smile and say, "No thank you. It's bad for the environment. Thank you for the water." I grab three bottles and say, "Huey get the other two bottles please." I turn around, start walking back, feel that warmth walk up next to me, and hear that monotone voice say, "You do know it takes more energy to create paper and recycled bags than it takes to recycle plastic bags?" I look up at the double doors, hearing the families and friends all talking, and I say, "Some people say that but we gotta start somewhere and I think at least by not using plastic bags that's somewhere bestie." I hear that exhale from him and I say, "I'm sorry if I still call you that in public sometimes. I'm really trying to cut back on it." I hear him inhale, exhale longer, and hear him say, "Don't let it happen again." I feel my smile, remembering that kiss he gave me at DuSable when he said that, and I say, "Okay bestie." I hear that exhale through his nose, making me laugh, and run in front of him into the gym. And, I instantly regret it, seeing some people staring at me, wondering if my hair's out of the two buns I put it in after I got home from school.

I feel that warmth next to me, exhale, and I start walking to our friends and family. Once we get to them, we start walking up the bleachers. I walk up the empty seats between Caesar and Hiro, see Huey's LSAT book where I was sitting, and hear Ms. Lola's warm voice say, "Jazzy sweetheart why don't you sit there and have Huey sit up here next to me just in case I need him for anything." I open my mouth to tell her I'm okay with Huey sitting next to Ashley. I trust him. But, then I hear that voice behind me say, "Caes, Hiro." I look to my left, see Caesar catch a water bottle, hear someone catch another bottle to my right, feel those warm hands on my shoulders, feel him move me a step to the right, see him step up, grab his book, and sit down in that seat I was sitting in with that book in his lap. I smile, hand a water bottle to Hiro, and I say, "Please give that to Leo Hiro." I step in front of Huey, feel my cheeks getting warm seeing how cute he looks in that dark red t-shirt he's wearing with those dark blue jeans, and those new black converse Riley gave him for his birthday last week, and hand the last two bottles to Ms. Lola, smiling at her. I sit back down, in front of Huey, feeling those knees touch my back, sit back, and he lets me.

I hear the announcer say, "Welcome everyone to the biggest game of the season between the two rival teams of Woodcrest!" I hear the cheering, feel my smile, feeling the excitement from the crowd, and then hear the announcer say, "Now let's welcome the visitors first! Coming all the way from Woodcrest Academy High, a team that's been undefeated this year, the Jackrabitts!" I look down and see the girls from the other team running into the court from the visitor's locker room in their blue uniforms with the orange jackrabbit shape on their jerseys. I hear that cheering from the other side and feel my smirk, knowing they don't know how good our school's team this year is. I also remember we play this team every year, this is the first year I've come to all the basketball games for our school, and that's probably why I didn't know that guy was in that school. Focus Jazmine. My sister and friends.

I hear the announcer say, "And, the home team, undefeated this year as well, the Wuncler High Women Wolves!" I hear the cheering on our side and can't help but start cheering with everyone. I see those two long braids I love run out, hear Riley start yelling 'show 'em who be owning these streets C-Murder!', see that one long black braid run out, hear Caesar yelling 'Show them how you'll roll babe!', see that one short black French braid run out, and hear Hiro yelling, 'Own it babe!' I start laughing thinking about how cute they all are, feeling those knees on my back, and I exhale, happy he came.

He doesn't usually come to their games and I didn't ask him to come. He's actually supposed to be at the shelter working right now. I called the nursing home and told them I wasn't going today. But after school, when I was supposed to walk home alone because Huey was going to work and I wanted to go home to get ready for the game, I found him halfway to the entrance of the school. He had said he called Mr. Willis and said he wasn't going in today. I wanted to ask him if he was feeling sick but then he turned around and started walking towards the entrance of the school and I followed him. And really, I was happy he decided to not go to work. I had gotten this creepy feeling on my way out of class, like someone was following me. But when I saw Huey that feeling kind of went away. Then there's the Cairo thing, where every time I walk back to my desk after going to the restroom or getting up to talk to Ms. Reed I see him look at me. I don't even get mad anymore. It just kind of makes me feel bad, like I'm hurting his feelings even if I'm not doing anything. Okay, went off on a tangent. What was I thinking about? Oh yeah, why Huey's here. So I was happy to see Huey because that creepy feeling went away when I saw that figure walking up to me and I also stopped thinking about feeling bad about Cairo. Then, we walked home, I told him I was going home to get ready for the game and I'd tell him how it went when we all got home. I went home, took a shower, put on my red t-shirt, took care of my hair, put on my dark blue jeans, and my old burgundy converse. Then, I came downstairs and found him in my living room, reading one of my mom's books, dressed in that shirt and jeans. I walked up to him, he looked up, and put down that book. And then he did that thing he does sometimes where he looks me up, making me feel flushed with how he was looking at me and how cute he looked dressed like that, got to my buns, and before I could say anything he said, "Go change." I felt my eyebrow rise, smirked, and remembered we were alone because my mom was still at work and said she'd meet us at the game and my sister stayed at school with our friends to make sure they'd all be at the game an hour before it was supposed to start. And, I remembered I hadn't annoyed him at school all day calling him my bestie, and I said, "No. You like how I'm dressed so I'm not changing bestie." I saw those eyebrows lower, I laughed, felt that warm hand on my hip, wondering when he started touching me so much outside of his room, stopped laughing, smiled at that cute annoyed face, and I said, "And, I have to wear the team's colors but I'll take a sweater okay and only take it off if I'm hot or when we're back at home." He gave in pretty fast but then said he wanted to go get his LSAT book from his house. We went to get his book and then we all left to come meet Leo and everyone here. And now here we are with those knees touching my back and I'm sure that book on his lap, open and being read by that warm brain. And, I still don't know why he came, but I'm happy he did.

I look back out at the court, see all the girls on the team, see Sam and Miranda, and exhale remembering. My sister said Miranda hasn't tried kicking Sam off the team after she stopped telling her stuff about us and now Sam doesn't even hang out at the team's table. I see my sister, our friends, and Sam all huddle with the team, talking, and I exhale. Sam seems really happy now, always laughing with us when we bump into her and her girlfriend in the cafeteria. I hear that voice, loud enough that even I can hear, say, "Can you believe they let those kinds of people stay at this school. I mean they don't even try to hide it. Just walking around the school holding hands like it's okay." I inhale, feel those knees on my back, wondering if I'll slap her now or after the game, and then hear Grandad's voice say, "Cutie pie that the girl that scored the last shot at that last game?" I feel my eyes open, looking at Sam and remembering the last game Grandad came to. I look over at Grandad and say, "Yes Grandad. Sam got the last shot at the last game you came to." I see him exhale and he says, "Should'a bet Ruckus when the fool asked." I start laughing, hear everyone else laughing, and inhale, feeling that hand brush up against my back for a second, wondering how he did that.

I hear the announcer say, "Alright let's get the show on the road people! For the tip off we have Vanessa Landers from the Jackrabitts and Cindy McPhearson from the Wolves!" I hear the cheering coming from Riley, look back at the court, and see all the players taking their positions around Uncle Ruckus with my sister at the center, feeling my smile knowing she might not be team captain but the coach always gives her the tip off. I see Uncle Ruckus talking to them, I'm sure about the rules. I hold my breath like all those times, pray to Santa or Black Jesus or whatever is listening out there that she gets it because I know how superstitious my little gangster sister is. I see Uncle Ruckus bring the ball down and see that ball go up slowly, rotating up in the air, see it reach the tip of that arch, see those two hands, one that's small and strong and belongs to my little sister, feel myself bite my lower lip, and see that small strong hand go up higher than the other hand, feel my smile, see that hand touch that ball and knock it towards that long black braid, and remember how to breathe. I exhale, feel those knees move back, and know he was watching the tip off to and now he's going to start reading. That warm brain that doesn't know how much of a good person he is and cares that much about our friends that he didn't start reading until after the tip off.

I see that ball going from player to player on our team, get back to my sister, feel my smile seeing her inside that three point line, see her jump, see that flick of her wrists, the ball in midair, reminding me of that painting in her room, and see the ball go through the hoop, only touching the net. I start cheering, hearing everyone else, and hear our mom say, 'That's my baby!' I open my eyes, sit back down, wondering when I stood up, look up at the court, see my sister looking over here with that smirk for a second before moving back into the court to wait for the ball to be passed to her, and remember that I thought about Tom earlier. I know he was good to us when I was little, really little, like before Huey and Riley moved here. And then when they moved here, he was still good to us for a while but he had already started to not want to talk to me about my black culture. I think that's why I liked going to the Freemans' house with my parents so much, because my dad acted like my dad there. He was nice and even talked about being black when he was with them. But, I'm starting to think it was a kind of a show he put on, specially with the Freemans. I don't know. I feel that hand on my back again for a second, feel my face getting red, see Ming score the next two points for the team, hearing Caesar cheering for his babe, and know, just like what my friend left back in Ohio, it was nothing and it doesn't matter. What Tom was and why he started getting cold at home with mom and me was nothing and that's why it doesn't matter anymore. That's something Tom needs to figure out, not me. I look back at the court and see those two braids I love with all my heart, see her pass the ball to Lauren, and feel my smile seeing Lauren jump next to the hoop, see the flick of her wrists, and see the ball go into the hoop. I hear that cheering to my left, not knowing Hiro could be that loud, and hear him say, "That's my girl!" I smile, not remembering them all being this loud at the other games but this is a big game so I guess we're all excited.

Then I hear Caesar say, "Jazzy girl trade seats with my ass." I look over to my right, see Caesar looking at me, see he's moved a few inches closer to me, feel my eyebrow rise, and hear a girl's voice say, "Caesar why don't you wanna talk to us?" I look around those dreads, and exhale, seeing two of those girls that hang out at the popular tables sitting next to him with Ashley on the bleacher over them, all looking at Caesar. I roll my eyes, stand up, and hear that monotone voice say, "Caes." I hear Caesar say, "Man Hu. You know I ain't as patient as your ass. You trade with my ass then."

Then I hear that warm voice of Ms. Lola's say, "Now Gretchen and Karen we do have a code of conduct at this school and I would expect both of you whose parents I see at every PTA meeting to be aware that that code is to be taken seriously by all students, including where it states that we should always respect other's personal space and let them enjoy school events without distracting them." I look over at those girls again, see them looking at Ms. Lola, see them exhale, and hear both of them say, "Yes Ms. Lola." I feel my smirk, knowing why the principal and vice principal both listen to Ms. Lola's advice. You just get this feeling that you need to respect her no matter who you are. I look up and see Ashley roll her eyes and I shake my head. Maybe not everyone gets that feeling. I hear Caesar's voice say, "Sit tiny one cuz Ms. Lola took care of it." I look down at him, see him smirking at me, smirk back, and sit back down in front of Huey, feeling those knees again. I hear the long exhale behind me, feel those knees move back, and know he's reading again.

I look back up at the score, know the game just started, there's still three quarters to go and things could change, but right now, because of those shots my sister and friends got, we're ahead. And, I remember I'm still thirsty. I look down for my water bottle, remember I had it when I was sitting where Huey's sitting now, turn around to look for it, and feel my eyes get big seeing Huey's jeans raised a bit from him sitting down. He likes wearing those original straight fit style jeans that are baggy but don't drag at the bottom. They always fit him just right and look really good with those converse he uses. But right now, I think because of how tall he is, how he had to pull his jeans up a little to be comfortable sitting in the low bleachers, his pants legs are up a little bit, and I can see those socks my little sister gave him for his birthday. This is also the first day he's wearing those new converse. I exhale, feeling my heart swell. He's wearing those socks and I think decided to wear those converse for the first time today maybe to give my sister and Riley, who I can hear cheering on my little sister right now, good luck. I wonder if he'll let me help him this weekend. Focus Jazmine.

I see my water bottle behind that foot with the red sock, put my hand behind it, grab it, turn around, take that drink, and smile, seeing Sam score that two point shot. Ahead of the game, all of us wearing the team's colors, and my bestie wearing those socks and shoes. It's going to be a good game.

* * *

I look up at the score. Ninety-two to eighty-nine. We're ahead by three points. And it's the last quarter. It's been almost an hour and a half with all those fouls, some breathers, and a few clock stoppages. I look back down at the court and see my sister sitting down, drinking water, with Lauren sitting down next to her. I exhale, look over, and see Ming and Sam talking about two feet away. They needed this breather. They all look tired. I look over and see Miranda and the coach talking a few feet away from Ming and Sam. I shake my head. They were doing so good, staying on top of them, and then she had to do that. I look back up at the clock and see it's almost over. Hopefully what happened doesn't hurt our team. I look over at my sister, see Lauren's hand on her back, knowing they all scored a lot of points but my sister scored the most and she has to be tired the most. I feel my smile knowing she's so talented.

I look back to the court and see Uncle Ruckus and the two other referees talking, trying to figure out how they're going to make that call. I see Uncle Ruckus flailing his arms, wondering why he looks mad. I see him stop, nod, and walk back to the student that's holding the microphone. He grabs the microphone and I hear him say, "After careful deliberations, the two white referees, who helping cuz my re-vitiligo makes it hard for me to move so fast, decided that was a foul and." I close my eyes. No. I hear the booing from our side, remembering that game where he gave Riley the technical foul and I yelled that it was bullshit, feeling like I want to do that right now even if mom is raising us to not curse and Leo, Ms. Lola, and Grandad are all here. I hear Uncle Ruckus continue, "Now calm down ya'll white folks. I ain't the one that called it. It was these two white men that know the rules and be here from that school with all the little vanilla-colored children." I open my eyes, look at the other two referees, and inhale, seeing them talking to the coach from the other team. I hear Uncle Ruckus say, "And we addin' ten seconds to the clock." I stand up, hear the words coming out my mouth, "That's some old bullshit!," feel those hands on my hips pull me back down, feel the seat under my butt again, those hands move up to my shoulders, and feel myself shaking. They're cheating. I know it. They're giving that foul just because Miranda did a stupid move and pushed that girl on the other team after that girl touched her. Miranda was wrong. She shouldn't have done that but that girl did touch her, but now they're giving the other team an extra ten seconds when the game was almost over. That gives them enough time to make a few shots to get ahead before the game ends. No.

I hear Riley's voice saying, "That's bullshit Ruckus! Take that damn call back!" I look to my left and see Riley standing, looking mad, with Hiro sitting and looking down with his fists over his knees. I hear Caesar say, "The hell man! That's 'nough time to let them win you piece a shit!" I look to my right and see Caesar sitting like Hiro is but looking out at the court. I look out, see my sister looking down, and know she's tired. No. My little sister. And this is their rival team. I know we lost to this team last year but that's before my sister and our friends joined the team. I see that pretty blonde head move up, see those blue eyes look at me, see her smile tiredly at me, and I mouth, 'Love you sissy'. I see her nod, see her stand up, and hear a warm strong voice say, "That's my girl! Go wolves!" I feel my smile, see my little sister's eyes follow something to my left, see her smile at our 'pops', see her inhale, cup her hands around her mouth, and hear her yell in that sweet deep voice, "Wolves eat rabbits all damn day! Go wolves!" I smile, feel the energy, and hear Riley's voice yell, "All fucken day! We own this shit! Go wolves!" I see my little sister look over at Riley and see her blush from here. I look over at Riley, see he took off that jacket and I can see the white muscle shirt he's wearing, see those muscles on him, wonder when he got them, hear a few girls nearby say, 'Damn baby', and I shake my head at them. I see Riley look back at my mom, hear him say, "Sorry Ms. S," and see him sit back down. I laugh, seeing how cute he is with my mom, feel those warm hands leave my shoulders, and smile, hearing the rest of our side cheering our team on.

I look back out at the court, see my sister and friends huddled with the team, and swallow, knowing I want water right now but I can't miss anything. I see them all move away, see them take their positions again with my sister and Ming at the front blocking the other team, and see that girl, the one that tried taking the ball from my sister at the tip off and then touched Miranda, standing outside of the court and holding the ball. I see her look at my sister, squint her eyes, and see her throw the ball over my sister. I shake my head, knowing she's trying to start war with C-Murder, see that ball going over my sister's head, see those two braids turn, see one of the girls on the other team grab the ball, dribble it, see her pass the ball to her left and see Sam steal the ball, start dribbling it, and hear the cheering from our side.

I look up at the clock, see it's at twelve seconds with that extra ten seconds they got, look back down, and see Miranda has the ball now. She throws the ball, and that girl, Vanessa, steals it. No. I see her pass it to another girl on their team, see that girl shoot the ball inside the three point line, see the ball in midair, and see it go into the hoop. I close my eyes. No. No. No. They're tied now. I open my eyes, look back at the clock, see there's still nine seconds, look back down at the court, and see my sister's outside the court holding the ball. She throws the ball to Ming, Ming dribbles it, spins, passes it to Lauren, and I feel my smile knowing how fast our team is. I see Lauren dribble it, pass it to Miranda, hear a few groans, wondering if everyone's seen just how bad Miranda's been playing this game, see Miranda throw it towards Sam, and see that girl again steal it. No. I hear a few curse worse from the guys, see that girl pass it to that same girl that threw that three pointer, feel myself move forward, feel that warm hand on my back, and see that girl's covered and can't shoot. She throws it back towards that girl Vanessa and I see those two braids I love steal the ball. I feel myself stand, hear the cheering, she dribbles it, but she's not able to take a shot at the hoop. She throws it to Lauren that's closer to the hoop, hear the cheering from our side, and I look up at the clock and see we have four seconds. I look back down, see the ball go to Ming, see Ming throw the ball back to my sister, see that girl covering my sister, see that girl shoulder my sister, feel my foot move forward to go beat her for touching my little sister, and feel those warm hands on my hips not letting me move forward. I see my sister use that push to her shoulder to spin around and behind that girl. I see my sister jump, flick her wrists, throw the ball, feel my eyes open, and see that ball in midair.

I hear the announcer saying something like 'this will determine the entire season', feeling those warm hands on my hips squeeze, wondering if he knows he's doing that in public, even if everyone's looking at the game, that shrieking voice saying something like 'told you best we'd do is tie', and see that ball go through the hoop, only touching the net, followed by that loud horn signaling that the game's ended. 'Nothing but net' my sister and Riley would say. And that's how they won.

I can't help it and start jumping up and down, cheering with our side of the gym, feeling those warm hands leaving my hips, and hearing the guys all yelling, 'That's the shit C-Murph!', 'That's right homie!', and 'Damn shit Cin!'. I start laughing, seeing my little sister being carried by the team, getting all that attention she doesn't like because she only likes people being scared of her, seeing that cute red face on her, and feel myself sit down, sitting back on those strong knees and wondering how tired my little, beautiful, talented sister has to be.

* * *

I say, "You know, this kind of makes my sister the MVP of our little group Riley. How do you feel about that?" I put my hand up to his face, holding my hand in a fist to his mouth like it's a microphone. I see him smirk down at me and wonder if he's as tall as Huey now. I see him look forward, stretch his arms over his head, bring them down behind his head, crossing them behind his head, and lean his head back.

I see him look back down at me with that Riley Freeman smirk and he says, "Jazzy now you knows I'm still MVP of this damn school and our crew. Shit and C-Murph only that damn good cuz of ma ass practicing with her every damn weekend." I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, and I say, "You sure it's not the other way around and the reason why you're so good and your team's been undefeated this year to is because you've been practicing with each other on the weekends and any other time you can since we were like ten?" I see that smirk start to become that smile that we get to see whenever we all talk about money, cars, or fast food, and he says, "Don't be talking shit crazy ass Jazzy or I'ma put your tiny ass in a luggage and send your ass back to Chi-Town." I smile, bring down my hand, look forward, see that we've passed the concession stands and should be passing the visitor's locker room soon, and I say, "As long as you send Huey, my mom, my sis, my friends, and you come along to, you can send me to Aunt Cookie's anytime." I hear his laugh that's louder than any other laugh I know and I hear him say, "Shit. C-Murph ain't going near Chi-Town without ma ass. Almost killed a few at that damn airport." I laugh, hearing him laugh with me.

Then I hear him say, "Jazzy, gotta ask you some'ing." I look up at him again, see him inhale, and he says, "You think, you know, none of that shit matters to C-Murph?" I stop, see him take another step, see him stop and look back at me, with that look. I feel my small smile, knowing they both do that. Both him and Huey have that look of vulnerability.

I exhale and say, "Have you told her about them?" I see him exhale, look down, and nod. I ask, "And what did she say?" I see him inhale, look back up at me, and he says, "That she 'on't care about that fucked up family and 'bout how they live, that she just cares she didn't meet ma folks. You know, that she just." I see him stop, exhale, and say quieter, "Wants ma ass to be happy and not think 'bout their asses. But." I see him inhale, look away from me, and he says, "How can she say that shit, like none of that even matter? Shit, we fucked up cuz of them, maybe will be fucked up for a long fucken minute. And I 'on't know. Maybe, even if she can't see it, seeing her tonight, I'm just thinking, you know, maybe, she deserves you know, more and shit, least more than being with someone with such a fucked up family you know." I feel my eyes open, remembering that night they went on their first date, seeing how similar they are, not just in how they talk and how they can make anyone laugh, but maybe also in how they think about themselves and those people they think they come from. And, I know Huey and I are older than them, not by a lot, but by a little. I'm older than my sister by three months and Huey's older than Riley by just a little over a year, where for only two months out of the year Huey's older than Riley by two years. Huey turned sixteen last week and Riley will be turning fifteen in two months. But, we're still older than them. And maybe they both do that, turn to us because we are a little older. But, I also don't want to force anything onto them and I don't want to tell them how to or if they should have a relationship with each other.

I exhale and say, "Riley." I see those burgundy eyes that only the lineage that comes from Grandad have look back at me, and I say, "Then why don't you tell her how you feel about this and let her decide what she wants? I know one thing that Grandad taught you both is to be gentleman and." I stop, seeing that smirk, shake my head, smile at him, and say, "And that means being honest with whoever you're with okay. So, just be honest about how you feel and if it's not meant to be, because she thinks or you think you both deserve or want something else, then you two can decide what you wanna do, if you wanna be with each other or not. And I promise to always see you as my annoying little brother and she will always be my sister." I see that long exhale from him, know he's thinking with that gangster artistic mind of his, see him purse his lips, something really rare for him, and he says, "A'ight Jazzy. I'll do that shit. But cuz you said that and cuz you reminded ma ass you are like ma lil sis, I gotta tell you som'ing else."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see him inhale, and he says, "You knows we seen other girls." I feel my mouth open, close it, and nod, not sure if I want to know more. I see him exhale, look away again, and he says, "I ain't wanting you to say shit to McHater 'bout this a'ight." I see him look back at me, I nod, not sure what we're talking about right now, and he says, "I'm damn sure, knowing his ass cuz he ma only brother, he saw them, did whatever the fuck he did, but didn't get you know, close and shit."

I blink, once, twice, and say, "What do you mean close?" I see him exhale, roll his eyes, like it should be obvious to me, look back at me, and he says, "Like all that gay shit Jazzy. You know, like emotions and all that crap." I blink, trying to understand, see him exhale, and he says, "I'm trying to tell your ass Jazzy that we both didn't get close to them, for sure I knows none of them knew about ma family or Chi-Town or any of that shit, and I'm damn sure, knowing his punk ass, he ain't tell them shit to." I feel my lips purse, knowing I knew there were other girls, but not sure why he's bringing them up, and I say, "Okay, but why does it matter that you guys didn't get close to them Riley?"

I see him roll his eyes again and I start feeling dumb, thinking maybe I'm just not smart enough to get what he's trying to say. I see him inhale and he says, "It matters Jazzy cuz we could've gotten close to their asses, tol' them 'bout at least Chi-Town, some'ing about that time, but we didn't." I see him look at me, waiting for my response I think. I nod and say, "Okay Riley." I see him close his eyes and hear him mumble, "Smart like his dumb ass but don't get simple ass shit." I open my mouth to insult him, but then close it, seeing him open his eyes and squint them at me. He exhales and says, "I'ma say this shit cuz like his ass your tiny ass only see shit when it hits you in your big ass forehead. Jazzy, McHater and I had girls, ain't sure how many, but me for sure, some, and if he like me, coming from the same damn family and being raised by the same people, then I knows he never let them girls get close, didn't say shit to them 'bout any of that fucked up shit, cuz we always knew they didn't need to know cuz those girls ain't staying, and I think, we knew if it weren't you two, it was just gonna be girl after girl, playing ball and going through ammo, him reading and learning his Karate shit, and we were cool with that."

I feel my mouth open, not believing I just heard that. Did Riley just tell me that Huey and he didn't get close to other girls they were seeing because they were waiting for my sister and me and if it wasn't us, then they were okay just never being close to girls, just playing basketball, reading, training, not really ever getting close to girls, women? I see that Freeman eyebrow rise, feel my smile, and I say, "Thanks Riley." I see him look away, exhale, and mumble, "All them damn books and plant food and can't get simple shit."

I roll my eyes and say, "Fine. I get it. Sorry I can be a little slow but Riley." I see him look back at me and I say, "Remember to tell her how you feel okay and let her decide but do me a favor." I see that eyebrow rise again, I exhale, and I say, "Tell her what you just told me because I'm not going to." I see that blush on those cheeks, see him smirk, look away from me, and he says, "I'll think 'bout it a'ight." I smile and say, "Okay. Now let's go get that MVP and our friends so we can all go eat." I see him look back at me with that smile that I hope is always around protecting my little sister, no matter what they are, boyfriend and girlfriend, best friends, or just friends, see him turn around and start walking again.

I walk up to him and see we're about to pass the visitor's locker room. I exhale, happy we won tonight, even if those referees were cheating, giving more time to that team, and that team was playing dirty by touching our team. I inhale, hoping I don't ever see that girl or I might slap her.

Then, I hear a girl and a guy talking, almost yelling, from the visitor's locker room, and I look at Riley. I see him look at me confused, shrug his shoulders, and look forward, as we keep walking, passing those doors. Then I hear that girl say, "So what! You into niggers now to!" I inhale, hear the inhale next to me, and we keep walking. I exhale, happy Riley's a lot calmer now and doesn't just rush into things.

We finally pass those doors and I hear that guy's voice say, "I was just looking babe! Fuck! I mean I told your ass! I used to punk her ass for being the half monkey looking nigger she was!" I close my eyes, remembering those names, how that was one of the nicer names, hear that exhale behind me, open my eyes, and see that Riley isn't next to me anymore. I look back, see that he's just standing there, a foot away from those doors, and I can see he's shaking. No. I walk up to him and I say, "Riley. I know who that is. Huey already took care of him a long time ago. Let's go okay." I see him squint his eyes at me. I exhale and say, "Middle school Riley. First day you guys got there." I see his eyes open and then hear a slap, followed by the sound of doors opening. No.

I see Riley turn around and I step next to him, as those doors swing shut, with Chase on the floor in front of us and a big red mark on his cheek. I see him open his eyes, blink, look up at me, and see him look me up. I inhale, knowing I want him to give me a reason, a chance to slap him, punch him square in the face, flip him over, wait for him to get up, and then drop kick him hard, for all those names, every single one of them. I hear Riley say, "Don't be looking at my lil sis like that fucker or I'll beat you worse than my brother did back in middle school you punk ass bitch." I see that jerk's mouth open and I hear the doors open. I look up and I close my eyes, seeing her. Great. I hear that girl say, "Shit. Well here you go. You want the half nigger. Fucken have her." I open my eyes, see red, knowing no one calls anyone that word while I'm around, push Riley back, move up to her, see her eyes open, and say to her face, "Call me that one more time and I will twist your wrist so hard you will not play for several months. So, please, say it again." All I see is Tom saying that word and I don't know why. That's all I see right now. And, I see this girl, that called me that name like she says it every day. I exhale, see that girl's eyes squint, and see her open her mouth. I crack my knuckles, getting ready to twist that arm back, see her eyes open, and see her mouth close.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, feel a pull back, and step back, next to Riley again. I hear a groan, look back down at Chase, see him get up, and feel my smirk seeing he's shorter than Huey. I see him look at me, remember all those times I cried in sixth grade because he had targeted me and was bullying me, calling me those names, just because I was half black, even if I was a girl and he was bigger than me, how because he did it, it made it okay for other kids to do it, and even when some of them got tired of bullying me, he never did, how even after Huey defended me that day, he still showed up to the cafeteria every day and looked at us from the entrance, hoping Huey wouldn't be there that day, and how happy I was that Huey never missed school. I feel my eyes open. Huey never missed school. And, he was sick a couple of times, had good reasons to miss school on some days, like when he wanted to go see Shabazz that one weekend but Grandad said he could only take him during the week that time and the next time he would be able to take him on a weekend would be in a few weeks. Huey still didn't miss school. He just waited to go see Shabazz when Grandad could take him on a weekend. I blink. I think Huey didn't miss school to protect me. Even when all we were was just best friends and I was still maybe just his annoying neighbor, he still didn't miss school during middle school for those two years, just to protect me. I feel my smile, blink, and remember this jerk.

I exhale and say, "We don't go to the same school anymore and I don't ever have to see you again, unless it's for rival games, so I don't care what you think about me you jerk." I look back at that girl, see her squinting her eyes at me, and I say, "And don't you ever touch my sister again, pushing your shoulder into her like that. That was a dumb move and it only helped in making your team lose." I hear Riley in that serious voice again say, "And that shoulder you hit was ma girl's and if I see your asses near Jazmine or Cindy, doing shit that ain't 'bout playing a fucken clean game, I will find your asses, and I couldn't give two shits if you white, female, a racist son of bitch or a racist bitch. I will find you and I will fucken kill you." I hear them both inhale and hear that girl say, "Is that a threat?"

I look back at her and I say, "Vanessa Landers right?" I see her lift her chin, feel my smirk, and I say, "That's a threat coming from my family after your boyfriend for years and now you called me a name that's racist and makes me feel threatened. I can also talk about all the other stuff your boyfriend called me in middle school. How he bullied a girl that was smaller than him and could not defend herself back then. And I'm sure my mom, who I'm sure your boyfriend remembers, who knows a lot about how laws work, will help me if you try anything." I see her purse her lips and I hear that guy say, "Damn Jazmine. What happened to your ass?" I look over at him, see him looking at me, know that look he's trying to give me without making it too obvious, roll my eyes, turn to Riley, and I say, "You're girlfriend slash my little sister is more important than these two." I see him exhale, see his eyebrow rise, see him look back at Chase, and he says, "'Member what I tol' you, you punk ass bitch." I hear the inhale from Chase and hope he either remembers Huey's punches and assumes his brother can fight to or he's just not as dumb as he used to be. I hear him exhale and I feel my smirk.

I see Riley turn back to me, see that smirk of his, see him turn away from those two, and I turn to, as we keep walking towards the home locker room, hearing that racist jerk and his girlfriend continue arguing, quiet enough we can't hear it.

* * *

Finally. I push the door open and I say, "Okay, I'll go get my sis and the girls. Just wait here." I step inside the girl's locker room and hear him say from behind that door, "Hurry it up Jazzy befor' I go and beat the crap outta that racist piece a shit." I feel my smirk and walk towards the back where I know the restrooms are and they might be after their showers. Hopefully they're almost done and we can make it to the pizza place they all like downtown.

I start walking through the locker room with the gray wall to my right, seeing that it's kind of creepy being in here when it's not full of girls coming and going from gym class. I feel my smile, knowing, she's the MVP tonight, ignorant people don't matter, and Riley just told me how special she is to him and I hope I am to Huey. Then, I feel my eyes open, hearing a voice say, "Why not Cin!" I inhale, start running towards the back, and hear Ming's voice say, "You're a piece a shit Miranda! The fuck's wrong with you!" I turn that left and feel myself exhale seeing my sister behind Lauren and Ming, but feel my eyes squint seeing my sister looking down, focused, with her mouth closed. Why is she looking at the floor like that? Something's wrong. I look over to the left, see some of the other girls on the team and Sam, and then more to the left, I see Miranda standing there, with her eyebrows lowered and pursed lips, looking at Ming.

I ask, "What's going on?" I hear an inhale, look over at my sister, and see her look at me with those big dark blue eyes, dry and scared. I see her take those small steps towards me, looking at me with those big eyes, see her get to me, see her hair is still a little wet, see her lift those arms that have to be tired, and I inhale, feeling her hug me around my torso, putting her face in my neck. I put my arms around her small frame, and I say, "Sissy what's wrong?" I feel her exhale, feel her squeeze me, and hear her say into my neck, "She, she, I 'on't know Jazzy. And Riles." I feel something wet on my neck, like tears, inhale, look up at Miranda, and see her smirking at me. I close my eyes, remembering she's on the team, and I cannot hurt her.

I hear Ming's voice say, "Sam. Get 'em out." I breathe, knowing my sister needs me to be calm and I need to find out what's happening. I hear Sam say, "Everyone out. And no one say anything about this or it could back get to the coach." I hear some 'Okays' and then steps moving away. Then I hear Sam's voice say, "Miranda, we're not even okay anymore. Don't talk to me outside of practice and games." I hear some steps coming towards me, feel a hand on my shoulder and hear Sam say, "Take care of her."

I open my eyes and see Ming and Lauren in the same place, looking at Miranda, squinting their eyes at her. I look over at Miranda and see she's still looking at me with that smirk I want to slap for some reason. I exhale and say, "What happened?" I hear an exhale, look over at Ming, and I hear her say, "This bitch fucken kissed her." I inhale, look back at Miranda, see her still smirking at me, and she says, "And now she gotta tell her boyfriend that she kissed a girl and see if he can handle that with how much of a guy he is and how I heard he used to call everything he didn't like gay." I feel another tear on my neck, knowing she's not ashamed but it's hard for her because she's always been really private about that stuff. I hear Lauren say, "Don't be stupid Miranda. Riley won't care." I see Miranda inhale and feel my smirk, knowing it happened because Lauren said his name. I hear Ming say, "Shit Miranda. The fuck you thinking? That just cuz you walked up to her in the fucken locker room and rushed her, when her ass was tired from a fucken game that she had to save after all your fucken mistakes, anyone, shit, her fucken man gonna believe she actually wanted to kiss your ass?" I see Miranda look away, smirk, and hear her say, "It doesn't matter as long as he knows it happened that'll be enough to hurt his player reputation where he'll let her go and she can finally have a choice."

I inhale and say, "Miranda." I see her look up at me and see her lift her chin like that last girl down the hallway and know I am slapping someone tonight. I exhale and I say, "She's always had a choice. But now, after you kissed her when she didn't want it, I'm telling you right now, I will never let her be with you." I see her squint her eyes at me and she says, "You have no say in that when you're not even her real sister." I inhale, feel the shaking of her small body, and I say, "Sissy, let me go because I need to beat her." All I see now is my little sister, hugging me, her small, strong body shaking, knowing this dumb girl doesn't know her, doesn't know what she's been through in her home life, her relationships, and how happy she is now.

I hear Lauren say, "You're so stupid Miranda saying that because for sure our Cindy will never be with you now." I close my eyes, trying to relax because I want to get her out of here, away from this girl, and I hear Ming say, "I promise you Miranda, you know jack shit, and you just fucken proved it."

I hear myself say, "Sissy, I know you, I know what you've been through, and I'm not letting another person hurt you. Please, let me go and go outside so I can take care of this." I feel her long exhale with the shaking, feel her nod into my neck, feel her pull away, and I look at those watery eyes, just like at the party at this dumb girl's house. I see her exhale, looking at me, see her blink, thinking, reminding me of Riley five minutes ago, see her step back, wipe those tears away, see her turn back to that girl, and hear her say, "I just fucken cried you stupid bitch cuz I don't fucken like people touching ma ass without me wanting it you piece a shit."

I put my hand on her shoulder, feel her relax, and I hear Miranda say, "But Cin, just give me one chance. I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend, just a date, anything. I know you liked me last year a little. I promise, that kiss, it'll be better. Everything will be better with me. I can treat you the way you deserve, taking you anywhere you want. I know what you're used to and I can give you all of that. And I promise, I know you haven't been with a girl before but I swear." I close my eyes and start laughing, not hearing anything else she's saying. Oh my god, Black Jesus, or Santa.

I hear our other two friends laughing and I hear Miranda say, "The hell are you laughing at!" I feel my little sister grab my hand, open my eyes, see her smirking at me, and I exhale, happy to see that smirk. I see her look back at that girl, see her chin rise, and I hear her say, "Ma sis and our friends are laughing at your dumbass cuz you don't fucken know me." I hear Lauren say, trying to stop laughing, "Where'd you even hear that stuff from? Got some bad info." I hear Ming say, "Shit. Yeah whoever the fuck said that shit was having fun with your fucken ass."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, look back at Miranda, see her looking at my sister with squinted eyes, and she says, "Cin. I know you. Just give me," but my sister cuts her off with, "No." I look back at my sister, see her exhale, look down, shake her head, and I hear her say quieter, "Can't fucken believe I even thought he even care. I know his ass. And I knows what I am." I feel that squeeze on my hand, feel her hand leave mine, and I bring down my hand.

I hear my sister say, "You don't gotta know shit 'bout ma ass Miranda but I'ma tell you right now, you don't fucken know me. I don't need no fucken shit you think I need. And you don't know who I been with." I hear Miranda say, "But Cin," but my sister cuts her off again with, "And I aint' fucken done so shut the fuck up!"

I hear a voice say, "Cin, the fucks happening?" I exhale, see Miranda inhale, and see her look over my sister with that look again she gave him at that party, where I wanted to slap her the first time. I hear my sister exhale, I look back at her, and see Riley's standing behind her now. I see him put his hand on her shoulder, see my little sister put her hand over his, and feel my smile hoping, even though I told him what I told him in the hallway, that they stay being more than best friends. I hear an inhale and hear Miranda say, "Cin and I kissed."

I hear another inhale and I hear Riley say, "Fuck you and what you gotta say. I hear it from her. And if shit did happen and you fucken touched her and she." I hear him stop, look over at him, see him looking down at my sister's head, reminding me of how much taller he is than her, and I hear him say, "She a'ight with that, then I'll let her go." I hear an inhale, look down at my sister, see her eyes are open, looking at the ground, and I hear Riley continue, "But if she ain't a'ight with whatever the fuck you did then you being a fucken female won't stop ma ass from getting to you."

I hear that sweet deep voice say, "Riles, you betta than that shit. 'Member how family raised you." I hear him inhale, see my sister look back up at Miranda, and she says, "Last thing I'ma ever say to your ass is that no one, not one fucken person, ever, ever fucken rushed ma ass cuz," I see Riley move up, step in front of my sister, see my sister grab one of his hands with both of hers, see him take another step, and I hear her yell, "Aunt Cookie Riley!" I see him stop, feeling my eyes bug out, not knowing anyone, other than Huey, could stop Riley when he's like that, when he has that look. I've seen Huey and Riley fight, really fight, where I saw how mad Riley was and nothing, not me, Grandad, or anyone else could stop him from lunging himself at Huey. That's the look he had right now. The look he's had those times when no one could stop him from running towards Huey even if Huey had already dropped kicked him a few times and they both had Riley's blood and Huey's sweat on their shirts. But I guess my little sister is one thing that can stop him even when he has that look.

I see my sister step in front of Riley, not being able to see her body anymore because he's that much bigger than her, and I hear her say in that C-Murder voice, "No one ever done that shit cuz I ain't never met anyone as fucken stupid as you thinking I deserve anything but respect and fear you stupid bitch. And if you can't fucken show me that then I 'on't fucken wanna see your face ever again. You ain't ma friend and you barely a fucken captain to this team and if I ever am single again, I ain't gonna be looking for your ass, cuz I only want the best and you ain't even close to what I got. So, fuck off!"

I hear an inhale and hope this is the end of this because my sister doesn't deserve anyone messing with her happiness.

I hear Ming's voice say, "Don't come near our girl again dumb bitch and hope the coach don't find out 'bout the shit you pulled today or you might fucken lose your shiny fucken title." I hear that inhale again and hear Lauren's voice say, "Leave Miranda. Now."

I hear an inhale, then an exhale, see Miranda move to the side, walk up to me, look at me squinting her eyes, and pass me, hearing her footsteps get fainter until I hear the door to the locker room shut.

I exhale and then hear Riley's voice say, "You'll, we need a minute." I exhale again, look up at our friends, see them grabbing their gym bags and their backpacks, and walk up to me. I turn with them towards the corner where I made that left and start walking towards it to get to the doors, not looking back at my sister and Riley, knowing things always work out in the end.

* * *

I kiss her forehead, lay back down, and I say, "You wanna talk sis?" I feel that arm come across my chest, feel her forehead on my shoulder, and I hear her say, "Love you sissy." I smile and I say, "I love you to."

I hear her exhale, feel that arm move away, feel her head move, that hair I love going down my arm, and I hear her say, "I never wanned to tell no one, you know, cuz that shit ma business." I exhale and I say, "I know sis. And you don't ever have to. You don't have to tell anyone about any of that stuff. Remember, that's your life and only if you want people to know they'll know." I hear her long exhale, see those stars, smile at how they make me think about her, and I hear her say, "I 'on't know. Never thought it was weird you know, like that I liked girls and guys. I just, you know, just did, and I ain't think there was nothing wrong with it, just didn't wanna tell no one. Just you." I feel my smile seeing those stars still shine a little even after all these years, and I say, "And I only felt okay telling you about the boys I liked and then the ones I thought were cute." I hear her snicker and hear her say, "Funniest shit is I tol' your ass to just tell 'em and they'd all date you but you never wanned to." I feel my smirk and I say, "Yeah, I remember, but you know I was too shy and I kind of, I don't know, I think I kind of was hoping, someday, something would happen with Huey."

I hear her exhale and hear her say quieter, "That's why I waited." I exhale, knowing, and I say, "I know sissy and." I stop, inhale, and say, "It kind of seems like the wait was worth it." I feel her moving, feel my smile, knowing she wants to laugh out loud, and I hear her say, "Damn shit it was." I feel that arm come across my chest, feel that forehead on my shoulder again, and I hear her say, "Can't believe he wanned to know all that shit. Like all that shit."

I feel my smirk and I say, "Kind of seemed like it went okay afterwards." I hear her laugh into my shoulder and I laugh with her. Then I hear her say, "Yeah. He was just you know, alright with all that. Shit. Didn't even bother his ass. So, after I tol' him, we walked out, met you'll and just ate, just feeling like everything was alright you know." I exhale, feel my eyebrow rise, and I say, "So you really told him about everything? Even Marie?" I feel that arm leave my chest again, look over at her, see those blue eyes that are bright and pretty right now in my dark room staring up at the ceiling, and I hear her say, "Tol' him 'bout Nikita and Janet to." I feel my smile and my other eyebrow rise, see those eyes turn to me, and I hear her say, "So now that stubborn ass guy, with the fucken ego the size of fucken Ed's house, knows I kissed a girl befor' his ass and liked two other girls, never been in a real relationship, and he be the first, and now his ego's probably bigger than fucken Chi-Town."

I start laughing, put my head back on my pillow, hear her laughing, feel her head on my shoulder, and I hear her say, "Well, I thought with the shit that happen tonight I kissed two girls but his ass kept telling me it just been one." I inhale, turn to her, put my arm over her chest, hold her, and I say, "He's right." I feel her chest move up and down and hear her say, "But Jazzy, it fucken happen," but I cut her off saying, "If Mark would've kissed me, would it have counted as my first kiss?" I hear her inhale, feel her small, strong hands grab my arm, and I hear her say, "That different Jazzy," but I cut her off again with, "No, it's not sis. It's the same thing. You never flirted with her like I never flirted with him, never made them think it was okay for them to do that, and you even have a boyfriend and she still did that. So no, that kiss or whatever it was that happened was not a kiss. It's what mom's told us is sexual assault. So no, it was not a kiss okay."

I feel her hands hold my arm tighter, hear her exhale, and then hear her say in that small voice, "So I still good for him?" I feel my eyes open and I say, "Of course sis. Don't be thinking you did anything wrong. She did. You didn't cheat or lie or do anything to hurt your relationship okay." I hear her exhale, see those blue eyes blink, looking at the ceiling, and I hear her say, "He said he wants ma ass to sleep over tomorrow like normal and he wants to talk and shit. Didn't tell me 'bout what but it kinda felt like it was 'bout something else, not 'bout the shit that happen tonight. But, if we do talk, I think I'ma tell his ass the truth." I feel my eyebrow rise and I ask, "What do you mean the truth sis?" I hear her exhale, inhale, and hear her say, "That wa happen tonight, it reminds me of those people, how her trifling ass was always bringing home guys from that fucken country club, how I felt fucken dirty being her fucken kid, and how I don't wanna feel like I'm ever like her hoe ass ever. But you know, never wanned to bring up that shit cuz of you know." I exhale and say, "The first game." I hear her exhale longer and hear her whisper, "Never wanned to say nothing 'bout her hoe ass cuz everything they said was fucken true and I just didn't wanna make him feel you know fucked up for just saying the fucken truth you know. But, with all this shit. I 'on't know. Just feel like I gotta tell him I never wanna be like that trifling hoe and hope his ass don't think about that game."

I exhale, looking at those eyes staring at the ceiling, realizing how much I love her, how much I wanted to protect her tonight, wanting to get her away from that girl so I could beat her for touching my sister, how much my sister doesn't completely need me and was able to take care of herself tonight, defend herself. But, looking at those eyes that have always made me laugh and feel happy inside, that just like Riley and Huey, and maybe everyone else in my life, I can't make them feel the way I want them to feel, happy and safe all the time, seeing the positive, the good things about this world. I can't make Huey feel like that just because I feel a good person like him should feel like that all the time. I can't make Riley see that the family they came from doesn't mean anything to my talented and beautiful sister and she likes him for whatever reasons she does. I couldn't make mom see that she was always the best parent I could've ever wanted no matter how long she stayed with Tom. And right now, I can't make my sister see she's nothing like those people, that woman, she lived with that were horrible with her. I don't know. But I know I can't make her see what I see, that she's a big bright light that's warm and squishy inside and she's nothing like that woman. All I can do is love her and hope she sees that one day. And if that means her telling Riley that that dumb girl kissing her tonight makes her feel like that woman that called herself her mom and bringing up a day when they weren't friends yet and Riley hurt my sister's feelings in a game, then I have to let her do that. I have to let her talk to him or anyone about anything, no matter how much I think that woman doesn't matter, my sister is nothing like her, and she doesn't have to bring up how on that first day Riley and she met he said things that were maybe true. I have to let her.

I exhale and lay my head back down, keeping my arm over her chest, feeling her hands still grabbing my arm, not letting me go. I say, "Okay sis. Just know, you're my everything, always." I hear her exhale and hear her say, "I wanna put some new sticky stars up there and I want us to do that shit to ma room to." I move up, kiss her head, lay back down, and I say, "Okay sissy. Anything."

* * *

I squeeze that small frame even though I know she's still a little sore from last night's game, exhale, pull away, look at those clear big blue eyes, and I say, "You're my everything and you are my one and only sister."

You're not like those people you lived with and you're my bright light and he knows that and I love you and you don't have to bring up things that could hurt you or him. I want to say it all to her but right now she just needs to go up that staircase and tell Riley whatever she wants to tell him and I need to let her make her own decisions.

I see that smile that belongs to mom and me, reminding me how she is the prettiest girl I know, see her nod, exhale, and turn towards that staircase. I see those blue eyes focus on that first step and I see her take that first step up.

I exhale, turn to my left towards Huey's room, and start walking, knowing even though it feels like I'm letting my little sister go, not telling her what I want her to say or do or not say or not do, she's my age, she's in a relationship, and everything always works out.

I walk up the door and feel my eyes open, hearing music, music I'm not used to coming from his room. I get to the door and before I can knock, I hear the words, "Now that you've realized the pride's arrived, We got to pump the stuff to make us tough, From the heart, It's a start, A work of art, To revolutionize make a change nothing's strange, People, People we are the same, No we're not the same, 'Cause we don't know the game, What we need is awareness, We can't get careless."

I exhale, knowing he does like music but doesn't talk about it, kind of like a lot of things he likes. And I know, feeling my heart skip, the last time I heard him listening to music was that day, the first day of my lemonade stand, when he had that boombox and was listening to this song. That was the last time. And, he was walking to my house to hang out with me on that hot day when he doesn't like warm weather. I can't help but smile thinking that song reminds me of that February he saved me from Ed Wuncler. And, I want to hear that song in there with him.

I knock on that door, know that book is being put down on that bed, those clean toes are on that carpet now, those calves are walking towards the door, hear the music stop, hear the doorknob turn, and feel that warmth from that little heater.

I see those toes, those strong calves, those blue shorts, wondering how many basketball shorts he has, go up, see that plain black shirt that makes him look really cute, those shoulders I want to put my hands on right now, and those lips. I see those lips move and I hear him say, "In or out Jazmine?" I roll my eyes, see that smirk, see him move to let me pass, and I walk into that warm room.

I take off my shoes, happy I brought my slip on pink converse today, hear the door being closed behind me, turn to my left to put my bag on the drawer by the door, and feel my smile seeing that boombox. I wonder if he had it in the garage this whole time. I put my bag down and feel like such a little kid reaching over and pressing down on that play button. I see the cassette tape start moving in that circle, reminding me of the ones my mom used to listen to, and hear the song again. I feel my smile hearing the lyrics and then see that mocha colored hand grab that big knob and turn it to the left, hearing the volume lower.

I turn towards that body that's connected to that arm, see that black sleeve, that neck, those lips, and inhale, seeing what's behind that afro. I see that painting in that dark brown frame that I knew would match most of the furniture in the house so he could put it in any room he wants, if he wanted to hang it up. I feel myself breathe, seeing that painting in that frame hanging on that wall, at the same height as his other posters, with that laminated brochure from DuSable under it. He hung that painting this week and moved that brochure so it could hang under it. And, I don't really remember how to breathe. But I remember that Huey speaks in actions.

I take that step up, look up at those lips, those dark burgundy eyes, bring my hands up that chest, put them on those shoulders, squeeze them, seeing those eyelids come down a little, and I jump up. I put my legs around those strong hips, my arms around those shoulders, and put my lips on his. I feel those hands on my butt, feel them squeeze, and push my tongue pass those soft lips. I hear that groan from him and taste his tongue, feeling us moving.

I put my hands in that hair and feel how warm it is right now. I wonder if all of him gets warm at the same time. Focus Jazmine. I feel and smell those bed sheets on my back that smell like laundry detergent, knowing they're clean because he probably changed them today, and feel my legs get weak. I want that cock in my hand again. I feel that tongue leave my mouth, feel those lips kiss my lips, and I inhale and push that chest away.

I see those eyes, feel my smile, and I say, "Lay down." I see him inhale, see those eyelids lower a little bit more, and see him stand up. I stand up and watch him lay back down in those shorts and that black t-shirt. I breathe in the little bit of courage I brought with me today, unzip my sweater, take it off, hear him inhale, drop my sweater on the carpet, look back up, and see his head is bent to the side a little, looking at my chest. I feel myself squirm and remember what I'm doing. I look down, see my new dark pink lace floral half camisole spaghetti crop top, knowing it's cute but a little too sexy to wear with nothing else, and really, when I saw it today at the mall, when my sister and I went into the Victoria Secret Pink store and mom stayed in the Victory Secret store, the first thing I thought about was leaving this top here, in that little drawer. That drawer he told me to use to leave my extra clothes.

I feel my smile, seeing him looking at my top, exhale, and I unbutton my jeans. I see his mouth open, feel my smirk, and start moving my jeans down my hips. I really have to get new jeans soon because my hips are a little bigger now. I see him lick his lips and I bend down and take my jeans off with my socks, leaving them on the floor. I look back up and see those dark burgundy eyes. I exhale and wonder if he really likes my new dark pink G string panties that tie at the sides that much. I swallow. My Huey that likes my wide hips, my fluffy hair that's a little wet right now from my shower, my skin that confuses other people about what I am but he thinks makes me who I am, and hopefully other things he'll tell me one day. But right now, I want that cock in my hand again.

I step up closer to him, see that he's looking at my underwear now, exhale, turn to the bed, and see his book right next to him, by his hand. It's a new book. And it's facing down. I move over him, feel his thigh over my underwear, grab the book, bend the page so he doesn't lose where he is, and put it on the nightstand. I turn back around, see he's still looking at my underwear and wonder what his favorite color is. Focus Jazmine. I inhale, get on the bed, crawl over his knees to his other side, where the book was, crawl up to him, looking at those soft lips, and I ask, "Can we kiss again?"

I hear him inhale, see him sit up, bend down towards my face, feel those lips, and taste his tongue. I close my eyes, feel his hand on the back of my head, and the pull down. I put my hands on those cheeks and bend down with him as I feel us laying down on the bed. I feel that warmth in my belly and ask, in between kisses, "Can I taste you again?" I hear him curse, feel him roll me on the bed, open my eyes, and see those eyes looking down at me. I see him look down at my lips, feel the bed under me, and know we haven't done this, with me laying down on the bed and the lights on. I see those eyes look back up at me, see those lips move, and he says, "Can I." I see him stop, inhale, and hear him continue, "Kiss more?" I smile, move up towards that face, kiss him, move back down, see him open his eyes, and I say, "Yes you can."

I see his eyes look down at my lips and see them go down and look over my body, I think at what I'm wearing, feeling my face get warmer. I see those eyes look at my lips again and see that face come down. I inhale feeling him kiss my chin and then feel him go down and start kissing my neck. I look back up at that ceiling mount that's covering the light bulb in his room, feel my eyes glaze over knowing Huey's kissing my neck, and close my eyes. I hear those kisses on my neck and start feeling that warmth in my belly going down between my legs again.

I feel that large hand on my hip, over that bow that ties on the side of my panties, smell that soap and that shampoo he used today, remember it's Saturday night and we can do this, spend time with each other all night, feel those lips and that tongue on my neck, and I hear myself say, "More Huey." I don't know what more is but I want more.

I feel those kisses going lower, getting to my chest, and I hear that deep voice I get to hear sometimes when we're alone say, "Can I," and I cut him off with, "Yes," not really knowing what I want still. I feel that hand leave my hip, hear myself whimper, feel that hand go under my shirt, and then stop over my stomach, feeling that warmth between my legs getting bigger. What's happening? I hear myself, in that voice from before, the one I'm still getting used to that I only use with him, say, "More." I hear him exhale, feel that body that's over my right arm shaking, remember who he is, how he was raised, and I bring my left hand down from that broad shoulder, exhale, put my hand under my shirt, on top of that rough hand he has from all that training, and I drag his hand up to under my breast, hearing him inhale and curse on my chest.

I feel him move up a little, feel those kisses on my neck, feeling that warm breath after every kiss, and feel his fingers slowly going over my left breast. I feel my whole body shiver, feel a warm palm under that breast, and then, I feel a thumb go over my nipple. I feel my vagina closing and opening, and in that voice say, "Yes Huey, like that."

I hear him swallow and feel that thumb over my nipple again and again. Why am I this hot? And why are my panties this wet? And why do I want to pee right now? I finally remember how to breathe feeling him stop and then feel that hand move from that breast to my other breast, feeling him shiver or maybe I'm shivering. I feel that thumb go over that nipple. I hear myself say, "Shit Huey," and then hear him groan into my neck. I feel dazed and remember the lights are on and that's why it's bright even with my eyes closed, feel that wetness between my legs, and I hear myself say, "Why am I so wet." I hear him curse again, loud this time, feeling him shiver, feel him stop playing with my nipples, and before I can ask what's wrong, I hear him say, "Can I touch more?" I hear myself say, "Yes, please."

I feel that hand start going down, covering my stomach again, feel those kisses on my shoulder, and feel him stop at the top of my underwear. I open my eyes, see the ceiling mount again in that dark wood frame, see that afro to my right, feel those wet kisses on my right shoulder, exhale, know it's Huey and I like him because of who he is, bring my left hand down from his broad shoulder again, put my hand over that rough one again, putting my fingernails under my underwear band, and I drag his hand under my underwear, moaning from feeling his hand over that hair that only I've ever touched and feeling him bite down on my shoulder. I close my eyes, bring my hand back up to his shoulder, swallow, and I feel him, slowly, like that very first kiss, open his hand and cover my vagina, feeling his finger touch the outer lips of my vagina, hearing myself say, "Oh my god," and feeling myself pee a little. And, for some reason, I'm not embarrassed.

I feel those kisses on my chest now, feel that afro over my face, smelling that shampoo, and feel his fingers brush up those vagina lips now, hearing myself say, "More." I feel his finger or fingers, I don't know how many and I can't count right now, go between those lips they were brushing, touching the inside of those lips, feel myself jerk, hug that shoulder, and hear myself saying his name and 'more' and 'please' over and over not knowing what I want and how much but knowing I want it all. The moon, the stars, I want it all. I want all of you Huey. And, I want that cock that I can feel on my hip. And I want actions not descriptions.

So, I bring my right hand down a little more, feel that rough finger go up my inner lips now all the way up, say his name, remember that warm cock in my hand, slick with that coating, feel that finger go all the way down those lips, remember how thick and clean he taste, feel that warmth expand over my whole body, feel that finger go up my lips, put my hand over the head of his cock, feel that creamy precum that's coating it, feel him shaking, feel a bite on my neck again, and I move my thumb around the hole of his cock. I feel him jerk, hear him say in that really deep voice, "Fuck Jazzzzyyy", into my neck, feel that cum coming out of him, going over my hand, and feel that rough finger between my lips go inside of me.

There was explosion. A big, warm, amazing, incredible explosion. And, I peed. Oh my god. I peed. But it felt so good. All of it. The explosion and then when I peed after. It felt like I really needed to pee for days and for some reason I hadn't. But, it was different this time. Like how I remember seeing a kind of soft black color everywhere and then feeling my insides squish together then that explosion and seeing all those stars. So many stars. And, my body. That's where that squishiness and then the explosion happened. My body exploded inside itself, kind of. But it exploded. Like I know it's never done that. And, it felt so good. Like I want to do it all over again forever. And, I feel perfect. Like everything is perfect. And all I want is to hug him. And, I want to cuddle. And, I should probably tell him I'm sorry for peeing on his bed and I'll help him clean up, even though I'm not embarrassed I peed and I hope what we did right now we keep doing forever.

I open my eyes, see those auburn eyes looking down at me, wondering when they changed into that pretty color, feel my smile, and I hear him say, "I've." I see him stop, see those auburn eyes focus on me, and hear him say, "I've dreamed about making you cum." I inhale. Did Huey just say he's dreamed about making me cum? I feel my eyes open, remembering those things I read online about it being hard for girls to do that. I think they called it having an orgasm. How some girls even fake doing it. I didn't read a lot about that because I was just really reading stuff to help me make him feel good. But, I'm starting to remember the little bit I did read about that. The warm spreading over my body, the explosion inside my stomach that felt like my whole body exploded, the feeling of peeing, and then feeling that everything's perfect, that life is good and all I want to do is cuddle.

I feel my smile get bigger and I say, "I want to cuddle with my boyfriend." I see that smile, smile number five, how beautiful he really is, and hear him whisper, in that hoarse voice, "Yes." I inhale happiness.

* * *

I ask, "So, how was it Laurie?" I put my head on her shoulder, smelling that vanilla lotion, hear her giggle, smile at her, and hear her say, "It was."

I feel those arms around my waist, feel her chin on my shoulder, smell that coconut lotion, and hear my sister's sweet deep voice say, "The shit cuz you two made out till you knocked the fuck out." I hear Ming laugh and I start laughing with her.

I put my arm around her shoulders and say, "Laurie?" I hear her exhale, I look up at Ming, see her smiling at Lauren, feeling my sister hugging my waist, and hear Lauren say, "It was better than I even thought it could be. And, the best part." I hear her stop, I stand up straight, bring my arm down, feeling my lovable sister's chin on my shoulder, look over at Lauren, and see her looking down, blushing. I see her look up at us, smiling, see her move her hair being her ear, and hear her whisper, "Best part is that I trust him and he said he doesn't care about us doing any more stuff, if I ever want to." I see her look over at my sister and me and hear her whisper, "Thank you for bringing him."

I feel my eyebrow lift and say, "Laurie, we didn't," but then I hear Ming's voice say, "She right Jazzy." I look over at Ming, feel my sister chin's move towards Ming, see Ming smile at us, and hear her say, "Cin bear and you brought them two when you went to Chicago with those two best friends of theirs, even if some of their asses be too hard headed to say they are best friends."

I look over at the table, see them all talking, with that afro stuck in that new book. I think it's called _Black Against Empire_. And, I think it's about the Black Panther Party. I'll have to ask him or maybe just look over his shoulder. I feel my smile hearing the guys all laughing and seeing that tiny smirk on those soft lips. He smirks at school more now. The smirk that other people can see. Almost, maybe like he's happy. I feel my heart swell.

I hear Ming's voice say, "You doing good Cin bear?" I exhale, feel her head move to the side on my shoulder, look back at my little sister, kiss her head, and I hear her say, "Yeah Mimi's. I'm a'ight. That shit 'on't matter. And." I feel her hug me tighter, feel my smile, and I hear her say, "That shit kinda made it so we had to talk and shit. And." I hear her exhale, and she says, "Riles and I. We cool. We better than cool. We." I feel my smile get bigger and hear her whisper, "We ride or die, you know."

I hear a few exhales and then hear Ming say, "Shit. Good. Cuz if not, we were gonna fuck her up during winter break." I start laughing, hear them all laughing, put my hands on my sister's hands over my stomach and then hear, "I'm happy you look okay Cin."

I look up to my right and see Sam and Nickie. I hear my sister say, "Fuck yeah I'm a'ight. And you know, thanks." I see Sam smirk and she says, "'Course Cin. What happened was stupid and it didn't even happen okay. And believe me, if people find out about that, they're only going to be mad at her for trying anything with the women's basketball team MVP."

I hear my sister say, "Yeah. Thanks homie, but you made a few of those three pointers to." I see Nickie smile at Sam, grab her hand, kiss her cheek, seeing Sam get completely red, hearing all of us giggle, see Nickie turn to us, and she says, "Thanks for saying that Cin. I keep telling her she was great and she scored so many points in the second quarter and I'm so proud."

I hear that voice, closing my eyes, say, "See. This school's been going downhill since last year when they let them in." I hear a few inhales, feel her arms leaving me, hold them, open my eyes, look down at her, see her looking over at that table, and I say, "Sis. She's just a dumb girl and we have each other and what she says doesn't matter." I see her exhale and hear Nicki's voice say, "Cin, your sister's right. Don't worry about it." I look over at Nicki and Sam, see Sam put her arm over Nicki's shoulders, see Nicki smile up at her, and she says, "We're happy and we don't care what they say okay and I couldn't be prouder of who I'm with." I feel my smile.

I hear Ming's voice say, "Shit Sam. Told your ass she sounded like she worth it. And you been proud and been working your ass off on the team and we fucken proud of you to." I feel my smirk seeing Sam smile at Ming.

I hear Lauren's voice say, "Cin bear, you remember that speech from last year?" I look down at my sister, see that cute evil smirk, feel her arms leave my waist, and see her walking towards our table. I start laughing with our friends and start running after my sister.

I see her reach our table, grab Riley and Caesar's shoulders and use them to stand up on the seat between them. I see Ming sit down on Caesar's other side, see that pretty dark hair walk over to Hiro, and I walk over to the other side of table, feeling those reds following me, and lean on the wall next to Huey who's sitting down holding that book.

I look over the cafeteria, see Sam and Nicki in the middle of the cafeteria where we were talking to them, holding hands, see most of the students are already looking over here, and feel my smile, knowing a lot of people think my sister and friends are super pretty in this school, because they are.

I look up at my sister, see those loose fitting faded Lucky jeans, that dark blue muscle shirt, the Nike white sports bra, and those two long braids I need to trim soon, and feel my smile, knowing she is the prettiest girl at this school and that's why half the school was already looking over here. But then, there's Ming in her bright white slip-on vans, dark tight jeans, loose red sweater, white and red striped knot headband, and that light make up with red lip gloss, light blush, and dark eyelashes, and Lauren, in her pink and white vans, those light blue loose jeans, that cute black, pink, and white pullover sweater, her hair in those two hair clips on each side of her head, and that blush and mascara. I feel my smile get bigger, knowing they all don't know how pretty they really are.

I feel that warm hand brush my thigh, reminding me too much of Saturday night and where his hand was, feeling myself get completely red, see my beautiful sister cup her hands over her mouth, and hear her yell, "Announcement time haters!" I see the cafeteria quiet down, feeling my smirk, knowing a lot of people still fear the McPhearson. I see her bring her hands down, and hear her yell, "As you'll dumb assess know, both basketball teams at this, as the homie calls it, bs of a school, are un-mother fucken-defeated this year!" I hear the yells, actual roars from the other teams, the 'go wolves', and start laughing.

Then I hear my sister say, "That's right! And shit only happen cuz of damn team work bitches! Now! The reason for the announcement is a fucken warning!" I hear the whisperings, look down towards the entrance, see Mr. Leon walking towards us, see Riley start to stand up from the corner of my eye, feel myself move forward, and feel that hand brush up on my thigh again, feeling myself exhale.

I hear my sister yell, "And I ain't done Leon! So wait a damn minute or it'll be social media for your ass!" I see Mr. Leon stop, see him inhale, and see him point to his watch on his wrist. I exhale seeing Riley sit back down. I guess he's going to give her that minute.

I hear that sweet voice say, "Like I damn said! This is a warning for all you'll haters out there! I 'on't care who you think you are, who you roll with, and what you'll think you know about ma crew, ma ride or die, ma friends, me or ma family! Anyone! Any mother-fucken one that disrespects the women on the damn team or ma crew or my sis and friends, talking shit or being a back stabbing piece a shit, I will find your asses and kill you!" I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering something Riley said on our way to the locker room on Friday.

I see Riley stand up, feeling my other eyebrow rise, hear a few girls say, 'damn', and shake my head. I feel that warm hand behind my thigh, feeling it pull me towards him a little, exhale, trying to relax, and move a few inches closer to him.

I see Riley turn around, grab my sister's waist, bring her down, start giggling, hearing a few curse words from those girls, see Riley turn to the cafeteria and feel my eyes open, hearing his booming voice say, "And I am the one and only Young Reezy, aka Riley Escobar, aka H.R. Paperstacks, aka Horse Choker, aka Pillsbury Doughboy, aka Louis Rich! And for you'll haters, I'm your damn black president with a mother-fucken blue lambo and we own this damn school! And we are the undefeated mother-fucken wolves!" I hear the yells, hollering, some girls screaming 'baby', and wonder if Riley should maybe go into politics.

I hear his booming voice say, "And I second what ma ride or die just fucken said! Anyone, anyone messes with this crew or the teams I will find your asses, and I couldn't give two shits what you are, what you like, and who you be with, I will fucken kill you!" I feel my smirk, feeling a little guilty that some people are that scared of them, but relieved that my sisters and friends are protected from dumb people at this school.

I see my sister cup her hands over her mouth, feel my smile at how cute it is that she has to do that if she's on the floor but Riley doesn't, and I hear her yell, "And for the MVP of the last damn game I'ma nominate Sam for giving the most passes at the game and for just being a cool fucken team player that don't care who coach, captain, or scored the most damn points! She's just cool as fuck and anyone got a problem with her your asses got a problem with me!" I feel my smile, seeing Sam still in the middle of the cafeteria holding Nicki's hand, completely red and embarrassed but smiling, and hear Ming's voice yell, "I second that nomination bitches!" I hear Lauren say, "Third to you all sata's!" I start laughing, hearing a few laughs at our table, feel that warm arm on my leg, and hear a voice from the far right say, "The math club nominates Sam to!" I look over and smile at Lena who's standing at that table where the math club hangs out with Phil sitting next to her, remembering she told me she started hanging out at that table after that guy wouldn't stop being mean about her dating Phil. I hear another voice say, "The team nominates Sam for the MVP of the last game!" I look over and see three of the girls that were sitting out for the game standing at the team's table. I exhale seeing Miranda looking away, like she's not even paying attention.

I hear Riley's booming voice say, "A'ight then! Shit's been settled! MVP fucken decided and you'll haters been warned! End of announcement! Go wolves!" I hear the roaring again, I think coming from the guys basketball team table the loudest and feel my smile, hearing all the other tables also cheering and hollering.

I look down to my left, see that cute smirk on him that he's trying to hide looking down at the book, knowing he's proud of our team even if he doesn't say it, and inhale, feeling that hand behind my thigh again. I swallow, remember I haven't annoyed him all day today, and it's Monday. And, he's my boyfriend now.

I smile, bend down, grab that book, see his forehead scrunch, giggle, mark the page for him, turn away from him, sit down on his lap, hear him inhale, and scoot back, until I feel my butt go over his legs onto the bench, swing my legs in, sit up next to him, put his book back down on the table in front of him, open it to where I marked it, see him exhale, grab his book, and start reading again. I turn, grab one of the sandwiches with no jalapenos, take a bite, and feel my smirk, seeing Ming sitting on Caesar's lap, knowing they're also getting close, and seeing my little sister and Riley looking at her phone watching a basketball game that's going on right now. I look over and smile seeing Lauren and Hiro walking over to the line I'm sure to get a drink because we didn't get to get those drinks we were there for, and exhale, feeling that warm hand on my leg. I swallow that bite of sandwich, knowing that game, those dumb rivals, and letting go of my little sister was hard but everything is perfect right now. Perfect, like what it felt like on Saturday night. I feel that hand squeeze my leg, feel that hand go up a little on my thigh, and wonder if he's thinking about that right now to.

I feel my smile, exhale, and hope Saturday night comes soon so we can read, watch TV, cuddle, kiss, or have explosions, even if what I really want to do the most is taste him again.

* * *

Hi everyone,

I think I'm going to end this chapter here and continue on with the story in the next chapter because, like I've said in the past, I do not like cliffhangers. So, yes, here is stays. But, I do have the next chapter set up and can't wait to fill it in.

And, I'm so happy you all enjoyed the last one and I hope you all can tell me how you're finding the story and if it's getting too raunchy cuz I kind of think it is LOL.

Laters,

Bulma's Ego.


	32. Good people, birds, and bad people

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you 😊. I hope you like the next one even more and tell me what you think. I look forward to your comments as always.

WARNING: I'm gonna have to up the rating soon, I know I am, but I don't wanna do it until we're at a certain point. We'll see. What can I say about that "stuff"? Um, there's "stuff" from the scene that starts at "I open my eyes, see the brightness of the room" to the end of that scene and then again from the scene that starts at "I feel that triangle" to the end of that scene. So yeah. Um, yeah. Have fun 😊.

CHAPTER 32:

I'm going to kill him. If he's there again, looking at her, I will kill him.

I hear Mr. Willis say, "Huey my boy, can you make sure those bunkbeds are secure to the wall again? I don't want one of them disappearing now that they expect them to be here." I respond, "Yes Mr. Willis. Have you taken your medication today?"

Booked for the holidays. Good. I exhale and hear him say, "I'll be taking it soon. You worry too much Howie." I feel myself blink, knowing I'm confused, and don't like being so. I look up from the screen, see him inhale, and close his eyes. I ask, "Mr. Willis are you okay?" I see him nod, open his eyes, and he says, "I'm sorry about that Huey. I know it's you and not my son. Just remind me of him sometimes with how he took care of me when he helped me here in the office. Back then 'course it wasn't my blood pressure medication but taking aspirin for the pain when I would do too much cleaning up in the hangar." I exhale and remember I need to get Grandad more orange juice by tomorrow and his refill for his blood pressure medication before the end of the week. I exhale and say, "Mr. Willis, sit down and I'll go get you some water so you can take your medication." I see him smile, nod, and sit down in the seat next to the doorframe.

After coming back with a glass of water and handing it to him I say, "Let me get your medication." I see him smile, I turn around, and hear him say, "Thank you Huey." I walk over to the desk, open the drawer, grab the medication, take the two pills out, walk over to him and place them in his hand. I walk back to the desk, sit down, and see it's almost seven. Seeing the time, I get that 'feeling', that warmth again, know it's there, but right now I have to finish this schedule covering the next two months and the busiest time of the year for the shelter. I exhale, knowing I want to do more for this place but for now, I need to finish this spreadsheet and then send several emails confirming with the organizations donating this month.

I hear him say, "It was truly a mess when you weren't here my boy. 'Course everything worked out well because God watches over this place but there were days when we didn't have any food to give the people and then days the food would go bad because we couldn't store it all. Had to throw food away although that's a sin in God's eyes." I exhale, remembering he speaks about his religious views more openly with me now, and I say, "The shelter will have donations every night for the rest of the month and all of next month, I'm sure due to the holidays. I'll be emailing all the organizations who are scheduled to make sure they confirm what day they'll be here but it seems they're all trying to give their final yearly donation for their tax write-off." Taxes. I know enough about them and how some people try to evade paying them and how some use the system we operate in to not pay any at all. I exhale, knowing this world is backwards in more ways than people want to acknowledge.

I hear him laugh, look up, and see him sitting on the chair with that empty glass. He says, "Just like him." I see him exhale and he continues, "My boy, one day you'll see that some people just want to give because it's in their heart to give and those are good people. Some of those places that donate have good people that just want to give and there are other places that don't have good people and want to give for selfish reasons. Some of those places have both kinds of people, ones that have that goodness in their heart and ones that don't. And those people, the ones that don't have that goodness in their heart to give, those people are sick and not good for the soul and you should always stay away from them and only keep the ones with that goodness that fills our soul. Life is too short and we must only have those good people in our lives son."

I inhale, knowing even Grandad doesn't refer to me in such a fatherly way, and not completely sure as to how to deal with this. I see him smile at me, nod out of respect, and hear the phone ring. I look over at the phone, pick it up, and say, "Yes." I hear that laugh, exhale, and hear him say, "Huey, is my father there?" I respond, "Yes, Frank. Just give me a minute to give him the phone." I hear him say, "Thanks Huey."

I look up at Mr. Willis, see him grab his cane, I exhale, and say, "Mr. Willis." I see him smile, sit back down, and I get up and move the phone around the desk with the extended cord I made sure to bring last week, knowing he walks back and forth to the desk too many times a day and stands next to the desk to talk on the landline because there's usually someone sitting at his desk working on the office paperwork and scheduling for him. I put the base of the old phone on the smaller desk next to him and hand him the phone.

I walk back to the desk, sit down, and continue working on the scheduling. Still need to send those emails. He said good people. And she says what I call having character is actually being a 'good person'. I exhale, knowing today I know more people that have character than I used to, but not as many as others say they do. And really, it's only those I would consider family and friends that have the sufficient amount of character I would consider to be enough. I understand some would say that's harsh, possibly even judgmental, but I couldn't care less what others think as long as I'm speaking the truth and I'm content. I exhale. I feel content today. I feel content with that amount of character those that I surround myself with have. And, it's possible she's right and those people are also 'good people'. I feel my smirk, knowing she doesn't have to know she's right, how truly aware she is, and how much I didn't care if those morons at school were looking when she sat on my lap during lunch on Monday. At least, other than fucken idiots I will beat as many times as necessary, they all know who she belongs to, regardless of how I know the world works.

After sending those emails and saving the file I exhale and see it's ten minutes pass seven. She should be in the waiting room. It takes me six minutes to get from the shelter to their front office if I walk fast. I close the laptop, stand up, crack my neck, reminding me of that training from last night, and exhale, looking forward to my bed and book tonight. I hear Mr. Willis hang up and hear him say, "Huey."

I look up, see he's looking at me, and he says, "Franky said he'll be here next week so I'll have him come help early in the morning, before dinner. You can just get here at the same time as your friends." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him smile, and out of respect and because I try to mind my own business, I nod, and say, "Okay. I'll be here at ten with everyone else." I see him nod.

I walk around the desk, walk up to the coat hanger, grab my coat, start putting it on, and I say, "Mac should be here in fifteen minutes. Remember you're under strict instructions by Mary to not lift anything heavier than fifteen pounds. I'll check that the bunkbeds are secure before I leave." I hear him exhale and I walk up doorway and say, "Goodnight Mr. Willis." I step outside of the office and hear him say, "Goodnight Howie." I stop, exhale, and start walking towards the hangar to make sure those bunkbeds are secure.

* * *

I take those steps two at a time, push the door open, and feel my face fall seeing that idiot again, leaning on the front desk. I exhale, look around, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing that she's not here.

I hear a woman's voice say, "Hi Huey." I look over at that front desk clerk, walk up to her, see her smile at me, and she says, "Jazzy's helping the residents, but she'll be right out." I nod, thank her, and walk over to one of the chairs in the corner where I can keep an eye on the entirety of the waiting room. I hear that idiot continue talking to her, wondering why women, strong women with education like her own, since I looked into her background and I know she has a degree in office administration, allow idiots like that that have openly looked at other women in front of her to, as my friends so eloquently state, 'get' at her. I inhale, looking at the fucken idiot, who's looked at Jazmine several times but hasn't tried talking to her more than likely because he knows she has a boyfriend that picks her up every damn day to make sure it doesn't happen. And, to keep her safe.

I hear that voice say, "Huey." I look over, see that afro in that long braid, thick at the top, soft, exhale, and stand up. I see that smile, see her turn to the clerk, and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing her ignore that fucken idiot and direct her attention to the clerk. She's pleasant, to a fault, to everyone in the vicinity. I see her smile and she says, "I'll see you in two weeks Mo."

I hear that fucken idiot say, "You won't be here next week?" I inhale, remembering I want to kill him, see her turn to me, smile at me, walk up to me, and inhale longer, seeing that face come up to me, and feeling that peck on my lips. I consciously lick my lips and wonder if she can stay over tonight even though it's not Saturday night, since we only kissed in the morning and right now.

I see those lips move and she whispers, "Let's go bestie." I nod, trying to relax to not kill him, grab my backpack that's on the floor, and put it over my shoulder. I grab her hand and walk up to the door, ready to leave before I do something that could lead to that idiot's demise and more importantly could jeopardize her position here.

* * *

I hear her say, "He tried talking to me." I inhale, feel her hand inside of my own, and exhale. I look out the window, going through downtown, and wonder if I should start saving up for a car. Two men, one in his early twenties, the other mid-forties, one woman, mid-twenties, on the bus with us right now. She wouldn't be on the bus right now. I could get to the nursing home faster, I wouldn't have her walking down that construction zone where those fucken idiots that think they know who she should be with look when I put my arm around her shoulders, and we could get home in ten minutes rather than over half an hour. And, she wouldn't be on the bus right now. And, I could be at the nursing home in one minute, rather than six.

I feel that hand start with a triangle. She started doing that during the day, drawing shapes when she's worried. She doesn't pull on that hair anymore, just starts drawing shapes on me rather than writing the alphabet. I feel myself relax, either from those drawings or the fact that that untamable hair is no longer her target when she is worried.

I hear her say, "Relax okay. I'll tell you but you need to relax and bring down your temperature." I exhale, feel myself slump into the seat as uncomfortable as it is, and I hear her say, "Thank you." Aside from pulling me and stopping me from killing idiots, she now tells me when to relax. I wonder if that god is still laughing at my expense.

I hear her say, "When I got there, I helped Mo enter the check-in list for the day, then she asked me if I could sit at her desk so she could take her break. I did, opened my book, and then I heard him walking up to the desk. I had seen him sitting there when I walked in and I had been polite and said hello." I hear her exhale and hear her continue, "But he doesn't know that when I was helping enter the check-in list I checked what days he visits Mrs. Harrington and I saw he only visits her when I'm there. I mean it's totally possible that he just wants to visit her on those days, around the time I volunteer, but then I know he looks at me, and I even saw that he checks out after I leave for the day. I mean, I'm fifteen, not dumb, if that's what he thinks."

I hear her exhale, feel my temperature rising, and hear her say, "Relax so I can tell you the rest okay." I look up at the sign over the front windscreen showing the street names we're passing, trying to focus on anything but getting off the bus to take the one back to see if he's still there, and feel my temperature dropping to a normal degree.

I hear her say, "Thank you bestie. So, I know he's there when I'm there and he looks at me, so when he walked up to the desk, I was just trying to be polite. I asked him if he needed help and he said he just wanted to talk to me." I feel myself exhale, feel her grab my leg, on the bus in public, and I let her. I hear her say, "I told him if he didn't need help, then I really didn't have anything to talk to him about." I hear her exhale, feel her nails going into my pants, feel my eyebrow rise, look down to my right to the peripheral of that face, see that small nose, that scrunched forehead, those full pursed lips, and wonder when it became this difficult to not want to kiss her.

I see those lips move and she says, "Then he started telling me who his grandmother is, thinking I didn't know or something. I told him I already knew who she was and she's really nice and a sweet lady." I see those eyes close, feel those nails digging into my pants, see her exhale, feeling curiosity, a rare 'feeling' for me, see her open those eyes, and she says, "Then he said the only reason his grandmother was staying there is because their family's from Woodcrest and she wants to stay there but really they could afford to have her anywhere because they're so well-off." I see those eyes close again, feel those nails through my pants on my skin, know I'm asking her to stay over tonight, see those lips move again, and she says, "I told him it was good that his family could afford that but it shouldn't matter how well-off they are as long as his grandmother's happy." I see her exhale and she says, "Then he asked me if I knew how well-off they were." I inhale, see those eyes open, look at me with the darker forest green, and she says, "I told him I didn't care how well-off they are and I felt bad for anyone that did and if he tried talking to me again about that sort of stuff I'd tell Mo that I didn't want to help in the front when he's there. Then she walked in and I got up and went to help the residents."

I exhale, feeling my temperature returning to that normal degree it should be, trying to not think about the significance of her not caring about those things, feel those nails releasing their hold on my skin and pants, and she says, "No one I know and care about cares about that stuff. We just hang out and have fun. I don't understand why some people can't see that not everyone in the world is like that, that not everyone just wants money and things. I mean I know we all want some stuff, but you know, just like what we need. I mean that's what mom's trying to teach us I think, only getting us the things we need. Even when we go to the mall, sometimes we don't get anything. We just walk around, eat, and then come home because my sister and me don't need anything. We already have each other and mom and you and Riley and our friends. We have everything."

Fuck. Public transit Huey. Public transit. Need to be aware of my surroundings, not have her sitting on my lap. I see that smile and she says, "We're almost home and then we can hang out for a little before I leave okay."

I exhale and hear Ruckus yell, "Your stop's coming up lil half and half!" I exhale, knowing I'll still keep my promise of that theatre incident, regardless of how old he is. I see her giggle and she says, "He's better now Huey. And I think, even though I can't read lips, he was trying to help at the game last week." I inhale, remembering when he was trying to argue for our school's team possibly because Grandad wasn't betting on our team and he wouldn't lose any money if the team won or possibly because he has what some would call 'affection' towards Jazmine and her sister. I exhale, see that smile, and she whispers, "Good. Let's go home bestie." I feel my eyebrow rise, see that smile, and shake my head, not wanting to tell her I don't mind that nickname being said out loud as much anymore but knowing if I do tell her, she might start calling me those other nicknames out loud.

I see that head turn and see that braid that starts at the top of her head. She said it's a French braid. I couldn't care less if it originates from France or simply got the name because it seems intricate but I do care that it looks soft again. She also doesn't have to know I feel content seeing how soft it is. I see that last street sign through the window over that braid, feel the bus stop, and get up with her.

After walking up to the front, hearing her thank Ruckus, remembering she still calls him 'Uncle Ruckus' even after all those racist names he called her and he possibly doesn't think are racist and the horrible life he's had, remembering that he did try to help the team last week and Jazmine's younger sister, who happens to be my brother's girlfriend, and my friends' girlfriends are all on that team, and remembering how she tried raising is to be 'nice' and they met this last summer and she took a liking to that blonde afro and her family, I exhale, turn to him, see him looking at me, and I say, "Thank you Ruckus." I see him purse his lips, I turn, and see those hips going down the steps.

I take that first step down and hear him say, "Hey darky, even though you two shades from being white." I inhale, turn back, see him looking at me with his good eye, and he says, "I know you be taking care of lil half and half and that hooligan brother of yours be taking care of the lil white girl that likes hanging out with ya'll." I exhale, remember Grandad still meets him at the park to play checkers, and nod. He continues, "Wells. Just wanted to tell ya'll that that darky that thought he was all high and mighty just cuz that pretty white momma of lil half and half took his black ass in and taught him to read and whatnot." I inhale, thinking I might go home to train tonight, and he says, "I saw his crazy black ass, thinking he part Scottish when I know I'm one third Irish and can tell these things, at that game of the lil white girl."

I feel my temperature dropping, feel that warm hand grab my own, and I hear her say, "Bestie?"

I exhale, look back at that good eye of his, and say, "Anywhere else?" I see him shake his head and he says, "But let you or Robert know if I do." I exhale and say, "Thank you." I turn towards that hand, see those dark greens, reminding me it's late and she's probably cold, regardless of how I feel right now, step down onto the curve with her, and put my arm around those shoulders. I feel her come into me, feel that hand on my chest, making those oval shapes, and hear her say, "I heard the last part and we'll tell everyone when we get home. Right now, please try to relax okay and remember we can defend ourselves today."

I breathe out all of the air from my lungs and start preparing for the next few days of intense training.

* * *

She says, "I'll call an old friend at the precinct downtown to make sure they're aware he's here and maybe the police can find out where he's staying. Hopefully that will lead to some information we can use to protect my daughters."

I exhale, knowing that feeling that's in my gut, the one where we need to be ready, and hear Leo say, "Sarah you need to be protected to." I look up and see those greens looking at Sarah with that worried look and I say, "I'll move back into my brother's room and you can all stay in that room."

I see those greens look at me and I exhale, knowing I wanted this night to end differently but some things are more important than what I try to live off of. I hear Grandad say, "It be nice to have cutie pie and baby girl here again to help with the chores my two lazy grandsons don't take care of."

I exhale through my nose, hear the girls giggle, and hear my brother say, "Grandad you knows I do more of the damn chores now that McHater's working so they ain't gonna be doing nothing when they're here. Even got your medicine today and more orange juice and didn't drink any on the way home." I look over at my brother, see him looking down, knowing he's trying to bring levity into the situation, but he's also worried, hear the girls start laughing, and know his idiotism does help at times.

I hear Sarah say, "Thank you Robert. And thank you Huey for giving up your room and Riley for being such a sweetheart but I think it's fine if we stay at our house for now." I look up, see those three sitting at the other end of the table again, like they were that night we talked about going to Chicago, but with Leo now sitting next to Cindy.

I say, "Sarah, it's safer here." I see her smile at me, reminding me of where Jazmine gets it, and she says, "I know Huey but you still have the alarm system set up at our house, my girls spend Saturday nights here and are with you boys or their friends always, and I still want us to have our Friday nights where it's just us so we can keep our little family and the life we have intact and I refuse to have him disrupt that."

I see that braided afro put her head on Sarah's shoulder, hear a chair move, and see Cindy put her hand in Sarah's lap. I exhale. They are more of a family now and I said I wouldn't let any of those imbeciles, including that idiot that thought he owned them, hurt her or her peace as long as I'm around. Her peace includes the life she has now.

I exhale and say, "Fine. But until we know where he is and why he's here I'll be going through the recordings at your house and your office weekly and if you do leave your house for an extended time, like you do on Sundays, you should have one of us with you." I inhale, trying to figure out when I'll have time to start going through the recordings at her office when I'm already going through the recordings at their house and the nursing home. Also, they like going to the mall on Sundays and although I don't like crowds one of us should be there.

I hear my brother say, "I'll be helping out with them recordings at your office. I know what the punk ass looks like and I know some shady people on the street that handle with Ed and Rummy so I'll know if he paid anyone to do shit in your office." I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at my brother, and hear Leo say, "And I can bring the boys with me when you all want to go to the mall on Sundays to spend time with them there. I'm sure they'll also bring their girlfriends so it'll be a nice way to get to know those two girls better and spend time with you and these halfway adopted daughters of mine." I look over at Leo, feeling my other eyebrow rise, and hear Sarah say, "Really everyone, you all worry too much." I hear Leo exhale and he says, "Sarah, we worry because we care. And I will not go into detail out of respect for you and your daughters but we have reason to worry, especially for you. So, please, let us help."

I look back at Sarah, see her exhale, and hear that voice I should still be going to sleep to tomorrow night say, "And I promise to only let Huey look at those recordings once." I exhale through my nose again and hear Cindy say, "And I ain't letting Riles do more than that shit to. Need to stay on his game."

I start, "I can handle the work, just." But Sarah cuts me off with, "Okay. I'm fine with all of that as long as it's divided up so Huey isn't doing all of it and only until we find out where he is and why he's here."

I start again, "I can handle." But then Grandad cuts me off with, "Alright then. Now, baby girl go make your Grandad some of that lemonade you made back at Cookie's cuz you haven't made some here." I hear my brother say, "You knows we in November Grandad and lemonade for the summer and you can't be drinking that much sugar right?"

I look at my brother, surprised and relived. I hear Grandad say, "I want that damn lemonade and no one gonna stop me from having it like I wanted that damn popcorn with butter and they wouldn't butter it damn it! All I wanted was a soda pop, butter on my popcorn, and clean bathrooms!"

I look down, shake my head, remembering that day being the worse day of her life, and hear her laughing with her mother and sister. I hear Sarah's voice say, "Well, maybe having some lemonade would be good to relax a little if Robert only drinks one glass and then we can all go home so I can have my Friday night with my daughters. And then tomorrow my daughters I'm sure will be spending time at this house and I'll be across the street with my Leo."

I look up, see those hips standing, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear her say, "Come on sis so you can keep teaching me how you make that awesome lemonade." I exhale, wondering when it became so hard to wait for Saturday night.

* * *

I hear that knock and move my laptop out of the way, realizing how much work still has to be done by Black Lives Matter, beginning with a restructuring of its goals and a way to have each separate group in each state have a voice in the decisions and actions taken by the whole organization, aiming for a singular purpose. I exhale walking to the door. I need to talk to Caesar about this and see what actions have been put forward in Chicago, where one of the strongest groups of Black Lives Matter exists. I wonder if she'll want to go to Chicago with me next year. I feel my forehead scrunch thinking when it became ordinary to consider visiting Chicago on a yearly basis.

I open the door and feel my smirk seeing that long purple sweater, those black tights, swallow knowing what that sweater and tights are covering, and see those high top black converse. I go back up, see that tint, and she says, "Hi Huey!" I feel my forehead scrunch again, being confused again for the second time this week, see her shrug those small shoulders under that sweater, those greens look down and away from me, feeling frustrated, and I say, "Jazmine." I hear her whisper, "I know. It feels weird. But, I'm trying Huey. I just always call you my bestie whenever you open the door and then I don't stop myself from calling you that. But you said to not call you that when we're in public but I can't stop myself so I'm thinking I'll stop doing it completely and maybe it won't be so hard when we are in public."

I exhale, knowing what I want but knowing I'm still susceptible to those characteristics I get from that family, one being to be callous with those that are close to me when I do feel inadequate. So, instead of telling her what I want, I say, "Get in before the power from that heater is wasted."

I inhale, see those greens look back up at me with that small smile, and move to let her in. I exhale watching her taking off her shoes and I say, "Jazmine, I," but she cuts me off with, "You weren't reading tonight?"

I exhale, look at the bed with the laptop, and say, "Earlier. Researching right now." I see those long curls on that slender back walk towards the bed, see her sit where I was sitting, and see those greens reading what's on the screen.

I see those eyes look up at me, see that small smile again, and she says, "I only know a little bit about Black Lives Matter but I know it's still really active. And I remember when I was reading about women of color that I found out Black Lives Matter was started in California, a city called Oakland I think, and it was started by a black woman but then it got moving in other places."

I exhale, feeling that damn thump in my chest that only happens when I call her by her nickname, and say, "You can call me whatever you want in here." I see that smile, the one that belongs to me, exhale, and she says, "Okay bestie. Now come sit down and I'll go make us some tea so we can have some while you research and I watch my show."

I feel myself nod, looking forward to more research that will one day help my people live the equal lives they should live, regardless of how dark or light their complexion is, what city or town they were born in, what their family's socioeconomic status is, and whether their family speaks proper English or not. I see her stand up, walk up to me, see that face come up, feel those lips on my own, feel her leave me, and I say, "Hurry." I see that smile and see her walk around me, I'm sure to the kitchen to make my mother's tea.

* * *

I hear that exhale, look down to my left, feel that heart shape on my stomach, and I say, "I thought you said you didn't like this one." I hear that inhale over the ending song and hear her say, "I don't because I don't like that she was used by that guy that I think kind of liked her and then of course there's the part that she never ends up with Spike."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine, then why didn't you just skip over it instead of watching it so you wouldn't end up like this?" I feel those breasts move in closer, inhale, and hear her say, "I'm just sad for her because she kind of got her heart broken the first time and then didn't end up with her Spike but I still wanted to watch it."

I shake my head and say, "One, it's an anime, as in fiction, and two, the ending is ambiguous when it comes to who survives and ends up in a couple." I feel that hair move over my arm, see those greens look up at me, realize how bright they are with the reflection of the TV, and she says, "But, even if it's just an anime, a cartoon, I like it and I wanted to see her end up with Spike, not just hope for it, like I ended up with my Spike."

I feel my eyebrows lower, hear that laugh through her nose, remember we're in my room, I emailed Caesar a few ideas I had, one being about contacting that woman in California, Alicia Garza, to find out if she can include the story on Timothy Caughman in her organization's newspaper and website next month to pay tribute to his life, how she reminded me of that woman an hour ago, and how much I still want to taste those lips, and bend down.

I taste them and know this is how I wanted last night to end but it didn't happen because it was Friday and she only sleeps over on Saturdays and after that talk about that fucken idiot that used to call himself her father, I knew she would want to spend time with her mother and sister so I didn't ask her to sleep over. And, I said she could have some of her freedom back earlier this year after he was finally out of their lives and she should be able to make those decisions, whether that means sleeping over here or at her own house on a Friday night, on her own. And, she's a capable fighter that can better defend herself now that my brother and I trained her and her sister on many nights while I had the perfect view of that ass. I exhale, turn towards her and put my hand to that waist. I feel her move up, feel those lips move up, and start sucking on my upper lip, and hear myself groan. Fuck.

I squeeze that waist and bring her in, wanting to rub myself on that soft stomach just for a few seconds before letting her help me. I feel that tongue over my lips, exhale, open my mouth wanting to taste that tongue, and feel that small warm hand on my right shoulder. I feel a squeeze on that shoulder, shut my eyes, feel myself pull away, and curse. Fuck.

I hear that voice say, "Huey, what's wrong?" I exhale, inhale, feel the pain subsiding, exhale, and open my eyes to see that worried look. I inhale and say, "It's nothing." I see those eyes squint, see those lips that I should still be kissing purse, and she says, "Bestie we talked about not keeping things from each other when we started dating, so unless it's good things, like dating stuff or birthday stuff, we should try to not keep things from each other, right?" I exhale, remember that first day, when I still didn't trust people and outcomes, knowing I trust more people today but I still do not trust outcomes, which is why I just felt that pain, but know she's been my best friend for more than five years and I want her to stay being so for at least another five years.

I inhale and say, "Last night's training was somewhat." I stop, exhale, and say, "Straining." I see that forehead scrunch and she says, "You said you wouldn't push yourself too much to make sure you wouldn't injure yourself." I exhale and say, "Jazmine." I see those eyes close, see her bite down on that lower lip and inhale, feeling that 'feeling' of curiosity again watching her, see her open those eyes, and she says, "I know. You like pushing yourself but why do it where you could hurt yourself Huey? I know you train on Tuesday and Thursday nights and you know how to do it without hurting yourself so why did you train last night instead of resting like you do on Friday nights and why push yourself on a day you're supposed to be resting?"

I feel my eyebrows rise, knowing that has been my schedule for several months and I do sometimes text her after those sessions or at least mark the 'goodnight' text she sends me as read, not being prepared to hear it from her as something that she's that aware of and is that casual to her.

I see that smirk she developed sometime this year and she says, "Yes, I know your training days bestie. Now why did you train last night?"

I exhale, turn away, lay my head back on the headboard, and close my eyes, hearing the trumpet solo from the preview of the next episode and then that shot. That shot. Shots come from guns, for the most part, guns come from and lead to violence, violence my people who predominantly lived in the ghettos at the turn of the century were subjugated to, violence I need to protect her from.

I feel her moving, feel that warm hip leave my side, and I hear that voice say, "Turn around." I open my eyes, see her on her knees on the bed, looking at me, with her hands over her head, putting those long curls up, and I say, "Jazmine, what are you," but she cuts me off with, "Bestie you need to turn around." I inhale and say, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off with, "Please." I close my eyes and feel that pain going up from my upper back to my shoulders, specifically that place between my right shoulder and my neck. I exhale, open my eyes, see that smile and wonder why she always wins.

Once I'm on my stomach, I feel her over the back of my thighs with her legs on the sides of my legs, swallow, and now what I want but she wanted me on my stomach. I feel those palms on my lower back and hear her say, "I'm going to start here, but I'm gonna move up and I'll tell you when I get there so you can tell me if it's too much and you want me to stop okay?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine, I can handle," but I stop, feeling that warm breath on my neck, and hear her say, "I know Huey, but even you feel pain, maybe a lot more than people think and you just never wanna say you do so let me help and tell me if it's too much okay? And, I promise to not think bad about you. You're still my best friend, my boyfriend, and the coolest fighter I know."

I feel my smirk, inhale, and exhale all of the air from my body. Then, I feel that push down on my lower back, exhale, feel her start slowly, feeling that warmth through my shirt going from that midsection to my sides and back, feeling myself relax. I feel those palms kneading those muscles on my right side, feel myself move my head to the left trying to relieve some of that pressure, and wonder what those hands would feel like on my skin. I hear that voice, reminding me to not fall asleep because it's still too early, say, "The heater just turned off so it should be warm in here." I exhale, trying to remember if I heard the heater turn off, hear her swallow, and hear that voice say, "So it should be warm enough for you to take off your shirt."

I bring my hands down to my sides, roll my shirt up, pull it over my head, and throw it somewhere in my room. I put my hands back under the pillow, hear her swallow, and I exhale, knowing I must be tired from that training because that's the only reason I wouldn't have heard the heater turn off and took my shirt off without thinking twice, and so I must've fallen asleep faster than I thought possible and she's hugging me from behind, like she does every Saturday night. But this dream, the one I'm having right now, is one of those dreams where I'm also content because it reminds of me of what she did at Aunt Cookie's house the morning after that fight but with the added quality that we haven't done this here, in Woodcrest, in my room. So, I think I'll let this dream continue and will consider asking her to do this in the morning when I wake up.

I feel those warm hands start at my lower back again, hear myself groan for many reasons, and feel those soft palms start in my midsection again and move up in small waves towards the right side, like that hair that looked like waves she had on our date in Chicago. I should take her on another date even if we both prefer spending Saturday nights here, in this room. I feel those waves coming back down towards my midsection and then going back up towards the left side of my lower back, not missing an inch, remember those twists to my lower back when I was coming down from those jumps, trying to kick where a grown man's back would be before landing, just in case I have enough space to run up to him and he's anywhere near her or her family, and hear myself say, "Need to disable him with a hit to his upper back if he shows."

I hear her exhale, feel my smirk, knowing even in my dreams she gets frustrated and must have those lips pursed and those eyes focused on her target, and hear that voice say, "So that's why you trained last night, on a night that you don't usually train, to be ready if he ever shows up again." I exhale, feeling those warm palms get to my left side, feel them start coming back towards my midback in those waves, and hear myself say, "Yes." I feel those palms slowing down and hear her say, "Did you overdo it bestie?" I exhale, feel myself relaxing deeper into this dream, and say, "Some." I hear that exhale from her and feel those palms in my midsection. I exhale, feel those waves start up, slowly, towards my right side, higher this time, and hear that voice whisper, "As not happy as I am about that I know why you did it, but just know that just like how much I like to hear you talk, I like knowing you're taking care of yourself and not pushing yourself too much, because you need to take care the best Huey I know."

I exhale, feeling those palms reaching my right side, and hear myself say, "How many more Huey's do you happen to know?" I hear that giggle, letting my heart stop, feel those palms start to come down towards my midsection, and hear her say, "You're the only Huey and the best one." Huey. That's my name. That's also my father's middle name. My father. He called me his son. Mr. Willis called me son yesterday. I hear myself say, "Mr. Willis calls me Howie." I feel those palms going over my left side, under my shoulder blade, slower than before, realizing along with my right shoulder, that part of my back, my shoulder blades, also felt strained, and I hear that voice say, "Isn't that his son's name, his son that, um?" I exhale, feeling those hands slowly going down towards my midsection again, and hear myself say, "Yes. Died in Afghanistan." I feel those palms get to my midsection and start up towards my right shoulder blade, just as slowly as before, feeling myself sink into the bed, and I hear myself say, "He could be showing symptoms of Alzheimer's." I feel those palms slow down more, hear her exhale, and hear that voice say, "Well, recently, like in the last few weeks, have you notice he's forgetting things or is having a hard time planning stuff?" I feel those palms kneading that right shoulder blade and hear myself say, "No." I hear her exhale, feeling her going back down and over that shoulder blade, and I hear that voice say, "Is he getting confused about where he is or what time it is?" I exhale, feeling those warm palms getting back to my midsection, between my shoulder blades, remembering those swings, and hear myself say, "No." I hear her inhale and hear that voice say, "Is he having problems when he talks, like not saying words in the right order or the right way?" I exhale all of the air from my lungs, feeling those palms going up and over my left shoulder blade, and I hear myself say, "No."

I hear that exhale from her and hear that voice say, "Then I don't think it's Alzheimer's bestie, at least not from what Mrs. Winters's told me about it. I think maybe, Huey, it's just that you remind him of his son. And that's a good thing." I inhale, feeling those palms reach the midsection of my shoulders, under the back of my neck, feeling that strain permeate, and hear that voice say, "Tell me if it hurts okay?" I nod and feel those warm fingers and palms moving the skin over my spine and then kneading those muscles over my right shoulder blade, slowly, wondering when she started using those fingers, and hear that voice say, "Just keep hearing my voice bestie, while I keep working okay, and I promise it'll be over soon." I exhale, remembering a feeling of contentment, safety, warmth, happiness, I felt when I was younger, on a day my mother said I had been a good older brother and my father promised me I would be fine in a few days. I feel that right now. All of it. Those 'feelings' in the physical act of those fingers and palms moving over the muscles on that shoulder, feeling that subtle pain, remember that cracking sound I heard through my right ear when I successfully landed that high jump with the sidekick and that swing in the opposite direction of that kick, just in case I'm taking care of one imbecile and another idiot decides to show up and she's there, that warmth seeping into my right shoulder from those fingers and those palms, and let myself go into that dark place I should already be in since I'm dreaming.

And, feeling myself going deeper into that sleep, where that pain that I woke up with this morning and the reason I had not made any major movements with my neck or right shoulder exists, I start to feel a warmth over that shoulder I only remember in my childhood. That's that 'feeling', the one from that time in my life, but the difference being that we're here in this room, safe, and content, and alone. That 'feeling' of happiness she gives me and I've only told her once, the day I told her I would try for her, because even now I still struggle with those characteristics, the ones from that family, like the one of saying the truth and then ignoring it, and calling it something else, like contentment.

I hear that voice, from somewhere in the darkness of the sleep I'm in right now, say, "That name. Howie. It's a good name. And, I never noticed, but it does sound like your name. And, I'm sure you probably remind him of his son who I know was a good, caring person, the way Mr. Willis talks about him. And." I hear that voice stop from wherever it's coming from, wondering where it is, feel that breath on that right shoulder where there's no longer any pain, and hear that voice say, "I remember that name was Aunt Cookie's husband's name, Howard, another good person. So, it's a good name that kind of sounds like your name and it was given to good people that are no longer with us, remember that Huey. But, I still like your name more. Sleep bestie and goodnight warm brain."

I hear myself exhale and hear myself say the truth, "You make me happy."

* * *

I open my eyes, see the brightness of the room, remember being on my stomach, and wonder why I feel like going for a run.

I feel my smirk, feeling those hips to my left, look down, and see that blonde afro, long, realizing it looks more like those tight curls she had on that date now, rather than the afro, but still with that same fullness. I exhale, hearing those slow, small breaths, remembering last night, that massage, and feel my eyebrow rise, looking down and seeing that I never put my shirt back on.

I feel that warm breath on my chest and hear that voice whisper, "Loony person smarter than everybody." I feel my smirk becoming that thing she likes, know based on the sunlight just coming through the curtains it should be early enough that everyone's asleep and won't be asking her to make tea or wanting to have conversations about my sex life, and swallow, realizing all wanted to do was taste those lips but it seems my body is now asking for something else.

I inhale, considering that run is a good idea right now, see that hand on my side, over my stomach, start moving over towards the edge of the bed, and feel those breasts move up and press themselves against my side. Shit.

I exhale, feel that hair move over my chest, and hear that voice say, "Bestie, where are you going? It's early." I exhale and say, "I need to take care of something. I'll be right back." I hear that inhale from her, see that head move, feeling my head tilt to see that face, knowing that pain in my shoulder and neck is completely gone, and see those morning jades look up at me.

I inhale, feeling myself twitch for no apparent reason, see those eyes focus on her target, and she says, "But I wanna help you."

I can run tomorrow. I move down, taste that tongue, exhale knowing we have all morning, feel that hand on my right shoulder, feel her squeeze that shoulder, grab those hips, and push myself onto that stomach, hearing her say my name. Fuck. Box of condoms in the first drawer to my right, if she wants to. I still need to open that box, pull one out, rip it open, and roll it over myself, and then. Shit.

I inhale, roll her over, feel those hands in my hair, that white cotton shirt she was wearing last night rise up, feeling myself move over that soft stomach, and taste that tongue, the one I thought was too clean for someone like me, but I'm starting to realize she doesn't care about that family. But, she said she trusts me and having her help me, like she did last night with that massage, and now like this with her hand possibly moving up and down from my base to my head is too close to using her and I am not like that family. I inhale, pull away, and feel that hand grab my base.

I say, "Fuck Jazmine. I can't right now. I'm not in control and I'm not using you. Let go." I see those jades blink, see that green variating into that darker jade, and close my eyes, trying to relax. I smell that breath and hear her say, "You don't always have to be in control Huey. We can both be in control. And." I open my eyes, see those eyes, that face, those freckles that connect as they should, see that smile and that tint over that nose, feeling my eyebrow rise, and she says, "Maybe, if you don't wanna feel like you're using me, even if I do wanna taste you, we can both." I see her swallow, see that tint expand over those freckles, feel my smirk, exhale, trying to relax, and come back down, onto her side.

I exhale, remember the need to be in control to do this right, put my arm under her neck, feel her scoot closer to me, feel those breasts on my chest, and exhale longer feeling her let go over my base. And then, I inhale feeling that palm over my head that's sticking out of my shorts, see her swallow, and I put my hand on that soft stomach, feeling that elastic waistband on those pink shorts she was wearing last night.

I see that tongue come out, lick that bottom full lip, and I go back down, tasting those lips and that tongue. I feel her move that face towards me, a pull down on my shorts, and that warm hand encircle my head, hearing myself say, "Fuck." I move my fingers under that waistband and those thin underwear, over that soft hair, feeling my hand going over that warmth I didn't know would fit that well in my hand, and hear her say, "Oh god", followed my name again.

I feel that warm, small hand move down, inhale, exhale, wanting it to lasts to enjoy it longer, and grab that mound, feeling the texture of those folds. I feel her bite my lower lip with her inhale and then feel that hand grab me harder. I hear myself curse again. Fuck. I hardly last as it is, not being able to enjoy it longer than I do, but now feeling her squirm under me again, that warm hand holding me and moving down, and that warm slickness around my index finger, I know this is better than before. Much, so much, more exceptional.

I inhale, feeling my shorts coming back up, covering my balls, feel those lips pull her away, open my eyes, not in the least ready for this to end, see that small hand that was holding my shorts come up and feel myself start to cum some seeing that tongue lick her palm. Fuck. Shit. Relax Huey, relax. I see that face come back up, taste those lips, and exhale, feeling that other hand let go of my base and grab my shorts. I feel my shorts move down again, under my balls, and then groan that nickname, feeling that wet palm grab my base.

Fuck. I don't care if I ever think I deserve her or those hugs because I'm exactly what I need to be for my people and she couldn't care less about how much I have right now or ever, because she knows what's important to me is that I continue fighting for my people, and so, I don't care how fast this ends, and I want to feel those fluids all over my hand again. So, feeling her shiver, hearing her say my name in that way I enjoy, feeling that wet hand go back down to my base again, holding me like there's no way I could break, having felt those warm folds several times covering my finger, not knowing how long we've been at this, but knowing it hasn't been long enough, I slide my finger between those folds, feeling and then passing the second set of lips.

I feel that squeeze around the joint of my index finger, hear her say, "Oh my Jesus, Huey, I", feel that bite on my lower lip again, and feel that hand of hers grab my balls and the other hand squeeze the head of my penis. Fuck. Both hands. Shit. I feel her hand slide down, remember that saliva she used to make that hand that wet, feel a squeeze around of one of my balls and thin fingers under my other balls, and feel my eyeballs going into the back of my head, feeling that release that only comes in that one action and no matter how many times I've ever jacked off, continues to feel exceptionally better. Feeling that release, I hear myself curse and say that name, let go of that mound, push my finger deeper, grab that mound again, and stroke those folds inside. I feel that squeeze around my entire finger, hear her curse, something exceptionally rare for her, feel those breasts push up into my chest with the jerk of her body, and feel those fluids cover my finger, my palm, and drip down, feeling her body shaking, possibly along with my own.

I exhale, inhale, exhale longer, inhale longer, and know this is exactly how I wanted to wake up today after last night, but she doesn't have to know that. I open my eyes, see those jades open, see the tiredness in those eyes, and she says, "Morning big hair."

I feel my exhale through my nose, see that smile, and she says, "You said I could call you anything if we're in here. And, you said." I see that tint on those cheeks, feel my eyebrow rise, see her swallow, and she says, "Other stuff. But it's okay. You might not remember because you were falling asleep."

I exhale, knowing I'm still holding that mound, even though I've pulled my finger out to make sure to not hurt her, knowing she's still holding my penis and balls lightly, possibly so she doesn't hurt me, because I am human and she doesn't hold that against me, and she doesn't care about all those things other idiots care about in this world, like money, property, and prestige, and she belongs to me. But, I know how the world works, how science works, energy doesn't disappear, it's converted into other energy, the exchange that exists in that process, the reality of reciprocity, even unselfish reciprocity also means an exchange, the world is a hard and lonely place, and nobody gets anything for free, but, she doesn't believe any of that. Those jades that are blinking right now, thinking about whatever Jazmine thoughts she's thinking about believe people, even the worthless, have some good in them, and she will give to those people simply because she wants to and not to receive anything in return. She's one of those people. The ones that want to give to just give and can possibly, if I believed in souls, fill one's soul with whatever that willingness to give or goodness is.

And, although it's still going to take time, possibly longer than I can imagine, to believe any of those things she believes, if I ever, or that I truly, personally am not connected to that family, at least for now, I want to give what I do have to give because a person like her with that willingness to exchange without receiving anything in return, as she showed everyone during that fundraiser and has continued to show me, only asking for and accepting whatever it is I can give, has always deserved that consideration. And so, I can start that exchange by giving the truth, knowing what happened last night was not a dream and remembering every word I said.

I exhale, see those greens in that lighter jade again, and say, "I said you make me happy, like I said on June third of this year, because you do." I inhale, seeing those jades coated in water, see that smile on those full lips, and exhale, knowing I didn't make her cry because I hurt her feelings.

I see those lips move and she says, "You make me happy bestie." I exhale and know this is how I wanted to wake up today. Then, I hear a voice behind the door say, "Cutie pie! Come make your Grandad some tea and tell baby girl to make lemonade cuz sweet Ms. Lola will be coming today!"

I close my eyes, hear that giggle, exhale, feel that peck on my lips, knowing I also wanted more today, at least that ass sitting on my lap before dealing with Grandad and my brother, and hear that voice say, "Bestie, I have all week to annoy you because there's no school remember." I open my eyes, see that smile, nod, and she says, "So let's go so we can start this week with your mom's tea okay."

I exhale, know I might never be good with words, but she couldn't care less, and kiss those lips, looking forward to this week and that tea.

* * *

I hear him say, "Yeah. Got an email from Fernando last night. He said march is happening a month after the women's march to make sure all the sisters and their support can join."

I exhale and say, "Good. Hopefully because of that support it'll get the exposure it needs to revive the ideology, but still, even with that." I exhale and hear him say, "I know bro. There's still lots of work." I nod, stop at the red light, and hear him say, "You finally got a reply from Cali?" I nod, see the green light, put my foot back on the gas pedal, and say, "Yeah. She said next month for the holidays to honor his family and his contributions to the community, even if it was only going through trashcans to recycle cans for money, that still shows character in a person." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Wanted to ask what made you think 'bout the organization in Cali? That's way out of the fucken way, even if it started there."

I stop at the stop sign, look at the rearview mirror, and see those soft curls in that French braid again, the one she had last week that reminds me of how thick that hair will always be and how much I like it without any of those chemicals. I like it and I like nothing halfway. I look back at the road and put my foot back on the gas pedal.

I hear that snicker and hear him say, "How Jazzy know about the group in Cali? She been there?" I shake my head and say, "She looked up women of color and found one of organization's founders, that woman, Alicia Garza."

I hear him exhale and I say, "Keeps surprising me." I exhale, knowing only with him do I talk about women, and hear him say, "Yeah man. Same with my ass. Other day, helping organize some of her old books in their garage I found a shit load of books on the Caribbean and Latin America, on like everything and shit, the culture, the food, the people, maps, things to do there. Girl's obsessed with going there."

I feel my eyebrow rise, know my friend and how deep he falls, and ask, "You thinking about taking her?" I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Maybe, if she wants to. I mean shit, we stay together, might take her ass to both places after we graduate."

I feel my smirk, shake my head, and hear him say, "Shit. We probably all go, seeing as, unless some outside fucken Darth Vader asshole comes and fucks up the force, we all know what they worth and none of us taking off."

I exhale, stop at the red light with my blinker, look at the rearview mirror, and see my brother showing something to Hiro on his phone, wearing that jacket that Jazmine says her sister gave him, and see Lauren's hand on Hiro's shoulder, sitting behind him. I remember coming home from that costume party, where those hips wore those shorts, that my brother and Hiro sat in opposite seats. I feel my eyebrow rise seeing those two changed seats, possibly, as unlikely as it is, to sit in front of their girlfriends.

I exhale, look back at the road, make that left onto the street, hear the girls laughing, and I say, "Then we have to keep an eye out for assholes at that school and possibly every other damn place." I hear him cackle, feel my smirk, and hear him say, "Told your ass man, I ain't taking it back, best-looking ones, even that fucken pizza bitch man." I shake my head, pass the construction zone, hear that cackle, and feel my smirk get bigger, knowing he's right on his accurate description and knowing today, after that blonde braided afro, he is the closest thing I have to a best friend.

I stop at the stop sign and hear him say, "On the right man." I nod, drive up, and parallel park in front of the shelter, behind a truck from one of the companies we're expecting with those tables and chairs, ready for another one of these events, but this time with more responsibility on my shoulders.

* * *

I walk into the office, knowing she's right behind me with everyone else, look to my right, see Frank going through the drawer in the corner where the shelter's bills are kept, look to the left and exhale, seeing Mr. Willis sitting in that chair behind the desk rather than standing up.

I hear Frank say, "Huey." I look back at him, see him smile at me, and he says, "It's nice to see you. Been a long time." I nod and say, "It has been. What do we have so far?" I see him shake his head, still smiling at me, and he says, "You still the same with the seriousness. We have most of the food and twenty turkeys, but more is still coming. And we need to set up. You finally dating Jazzy?"

I see that long braid that reaches that lower back run around me, jump up, hug Frank, and hear her say, "Oh my god are you staying to help Frank?" I shake my head, walk over to the desk, hear Jazmine introducing everyone to Frank, see Mr. Willis look up at me with that smile, and he says, "We have enough to start with son and with God's help we'll be getting more food. Right now, we just need to start setting up how we want to serve and where the people will eat and you can figure that out." I nod and say, "Okay. We should also have the desk chair out there so you can sit while you talk to everyone and we take care of the rest."

I see him smile at me and remember Grandad's at home with Ms. Lola so he's not alone. I nod, exhale, and look down at the desk with copies of those flyers, preparing how we're going to set up to serve this year's Thanksgiving dinner, at this, the only shelter in a ten miles radius, knowing I had several plans worked out but knew those would change depending on the overabundance or lack of food and if any other people, other than my friends, would show up to help, calculating the numerous people that will be here, and the fact that we are shorthanded. I look over at my friends talking to Frank, Mr. Willis's only living son, knowing we'll need at least three people cutting up those birds, and force that reflex back down into my stomach, knowing I have to do this no matter how I feel about meat, how little significance this holiday carries, and how many people were actually killed during the settling of Europeans on this continent. I inhale. We also need several people serving the side dishes, deserts, and drinks, and of course, cleaning up. We're shorthanded. I hear Mr. Willis's voice call for Frank and see Frank walk up and around me. I exhale, look back down at the desk, go back to my planning, trying to divide the responsibilities among my friends, hearing the cane hitting the floor with Frank's steps next to him, know they're walking towards the door, remember we need to take that chair out for him, and hear Mr. Willis's voice say, "Wait Franky, gotta tell him something else. Son." I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at Mr. Willis, see him by the door with Frank's hand on his back, smiling at me, and he says, "I forgot to tell you that we have some more volunteers this year so don't you be worrying like you always do Howie."

I exhale, see him look forward, hear the cane hitting the floor, and look back down at the desk. I see the laptop on the desk, remember it's an old laptop, old by millennial standards, where I had to change the HDD to a solid state hard drive, giving it an additional few more months, possibly a year or two, of longevity. And, knowing Grandad told me once when I asked him what do you do when you can't do nothing but there's nothing you can do, he said to do what you can, even if it only means saving this place from having to buy a new laptop for a few more months or helping it get through another holiday season. I look up at my friends talking to each other, see those light forest greens looking at me in that lighter variation, and feel my smirk remembering she said I'm the coolest fighter she knows. And apparently, we have more volunteers this year. I see that smile and know I'll do what I can for this place and for the old man, older than Grandad, that runs it.

Then, I inhale, hearing that fucken idiot's voice say, "Yeah. We called to volunteer." I look over at the doorway, see Mr. Willis and Frank talking to that fucken idiot with that moron standing next to him and that girl. I close my eyes, inhale, open them, and feel that warm hand grab my own, knowing she is faster today than I give her credit. I see Mr. Willis smile at them, point in my direction, and hear him say, "You go talk to my boy over there and he'll tell you how you can help", before turning with Frank to continue walking down the hallway.

I see those three walk into the room, walk up to me, feel that hand squeeze my hand, see that fucken idiot stop two feet away from me, look up at me, and I say, "I don't fucken care why you're here, you do shit here, I will kill you."

I hear that screech say, "Huey, we only wanna help." I hear that exhale from my left and feel that squeeze in my hand. I feel his presence to my right and hear my brother say, "The fuck you doing here?" I exhale, trying to relax, knowing where we are, and the fact that I've already beating him this year, but will do it again, outside of this place. I hear Cindy's voice say, "Riles, we at the shelter and you can handle them, you know that shit, so just calm down a'ight." I hear my brother's exhale and wonder why exactly I'm dealing with this on our vacation from that damn school.

I hear Caesar's voice, next to Jazmine I assume, say, "Nothing happening here. They know anyone of us can fucken handle them. We're here to fucken help and that's what's gonna happen or we'll just make their asses leave."

I exhale, see that fucken idiot looking at me, and he says, "That's what we're fucken here for, to help and shit. What you want us to do?"

I inhale, knowing he's fucken lying and there are many people in this world that do everything with ulterior motives, unlike what that Jazmine head of hers thinks. That Jazmine head that I've been able to spend every day with since Sunday while I do more research, read through _Black Against Empire_, watched the news on events for different civil rights movements, and she read through a book she found in her mother's attic having to do with the history of the creole language, sitting on my lap or next to me on the couch, where I know she's the safest while that other imbecile hides somewhere in Woodcrest. That's how both her sister and her have spent their Thanksgiving vacation during the day, at our house with us, or us with them at theirs. I know Leo also has lunch with Sarah and stops by after he closes the shop to check on her. I don't know how much of that they've all enjoyed, if any, but I am selfish in the fact that it's made me content, whatever contentment means to me.

Then, because of that Jazmine head, I hear her voice say, "Okay, they said they're here to help, so that's what they're gonna do. If they have a problem with anything Huey tells them to do, they can deal with Mr. Willis who cares about this place too much to let any dumb problems happen here."

I hear that screech say, "Why you even talking? You're not in charge." I hear that exhale, squeeze her hand back, knowing she's finally starting to lose her infinite patience with this girl, and hear Ming's voice, somewhere where Cindy is, say, "She is you dumb bitch. As Huey's girlfriend, she's next in command hoe so don't start shit here and just fucken follow orders or anyone of us will drag you out by that hair that might or might not be real but will fucken hurt."

I hear that exhale next to me and hear her voice say, "I also don't care why you're all here. If you're gonna help, that's a good thing, and that's all we want you to do. So just help. We're going to have over five hundred people getting food here, not just the homeless, but families that need help and just want a warm meal for the holiday. So, just help them get that warm meal, nothing else. And if you're here for anything else, leave, we can figure things out without you guys because this is about helping other people."

I see that girl inhale and she says, "I don't need this. Let's just go Cairo." I exhale, close my eyes, knowing my friends are here and I don't have to keep my eyes on them, crack my neck, feeling that pressure leave my left shoulder, and hear that fucken idiot say, "Leave. Didn't tell your ass to come."

I open my eyes, feel my eyebrow rise, seeing that girl inhale, and see her look at Jazmine. I close my eyes, not wanting to deal with this when I should be planning.

I hear her voice say, "Look, we need to figure things out so you guys decide if you're staying or not. Huey." I open my eyes, look down at those forest greens that are looking up at me, and she says, "We need to plan. Who do you want to cut the turkeys?"

I feel my smirk and say, "Caes, Hiro, and myself." I look back at my brother, see him looking at that other fucken moron, and I say, "Riley." I see him look at me, see him exhale, and I say, "You're in charge of the lines, making sure they don't lead out onto the street, keeping everyone in order, and keeping those lines moving until everyone gets a second serving or we run out of food. You figure out how we can make sure everyone gets served once before they get back in line." I see his eyebrow rise, knowing I just gave him a job that's vital to ensuring everyone gets at least one meal, see that smirk that reminds me he's my idiot brother, and he says, "Yeah. I'll figure that shit out."

I look back at those three, see that girl looking away, and those two looking at me. I exhale and say, "If you stay, you're serving, like everyone else. I don't want any fucken complaining, just do it. If you don't like it, leave."

I turn towards those greens, see that small smile, that blush on that small nose, feel my eyebrow rise, thinking she might like me being in a position of power where I'm telling people what to do or maybe she just likes seeing me make changes happen, and feel my face getting warm. Focus Huey.

I clear my throat, look up at Hiro, see him standing next to his girlfriend that's holding onto his shoulder, and I say, "I know you can handle knives; you'll be the first in line to cut up the birds. Caes or I will take care of the pieces as you give them to us." I see him smirk and nod.

I look over at Caesar, see him looking at me with his eyebrow raised, and I say, "You know how to manage people. Deal with the workers from those companies that'll be bringing the tables and chairs. Three different companies. Start with the one that's here on time. I'll give you copies of the orders and you talk to them."

I see that smirk appear and he says, "I know bro cuz you might kill a few when they tell you they know where shit should go." I feel my eyebrows lower, hearing the snickering and cackles, remembering the barbecue at Aunt Cookie's and how I did almost kill one or two workers that were bringing in those rented grills and tables when they said they'd been at enough barbecues and knew where things should go. I exhale knowing it was only after her sister and her came out of the house that those workers started being less of the moronic idiots they were. It was only when she came out and blinked at me in that way she does when she seems happy that they all stopped arguing with me about where to put those damn grills. Those greens.

I look back down at them, see that blush covering those entire thirty-three freckles now, feel my face getting warm again, for no apparent reason, inhale, remember why we're here and I need to do what I can, and say, "Can you take care of the rest? We need to go out there and start setting up."

I see that smile, see her nod, remember her in that Santa hat and coat, that pink skirt, and those small black boots, when she was helping me with that play, know she's overqualified for the job I'm giving her, and she says, "Yes. We'll go through the storage room to see what food's already here, and between my sister and friends, we can figure what to bring out and who will serve which foods. You guys go set up."

I exhale, feel that damn pull on my face, remember the fucken morons that are here, look back at that idiot, see him still looking at me, and I say, "You two coming with us." I see him inhale and know he wanted to stay with her. Fucken idiot. I hear her voice say, "If you're gonna stay to help Ashley, follow us to the storage room."

I feel that small hand leave my own, hear her walk behind me, feel her touch my lower back, and hear those light steps walking out with her sister and friends. I look back down at that girl to see if she's going to follow them or if we're going to have to make sure she leaves before we lock this office. I see her look me up and I exhale, realizing she might not only be completely straight but nowhere near as aware as that Jazmine head is.

I hear Caesar's voice say, "Hu." I look over at him, see him looking at the desk, hear that girl exhale and steps walking out of the room. I see Caesar look up at me and he says, "Got the orders here. Let's go." I nod, look back at those two, and I say, "Decide. Now."

I see him inhale and nod. I exhale and say, "Then wait in the front." I see him squint his eyes at me, exhale, turn, and walk out of the room with that other fucken moron. I feel that slap on my back and hear Caesar say, "Can't wait to see how this fucken day ends man." I hear the cackles, exhale through my nose, see them walking up to the door, and shake my head.

I walk out after them and lock the office, knowing we don't keep money here, but we do keep paperwork, history, that's important to the shelter. I start walking down the hallway, see them walking out into the hangar where the front door is, hear that voice telling her friends about last year's Thanksgiving dinner, and exhale, remembering how we ran out of food without making sure everyone got at least one plate, and how some got more than two plates. I feel my smirk hearing her say they need to give small portions on the first serving to make sure everyone gets some food, thinking about those lips, remembering them this morning in her kitchen, when we were waiting for that water to boil because she wanted to make coffee for her mother before we left, holding those hips in those blue jeans in that material that's something between regular jeans and tights, tasting that tongue, feeling those hands in the back of my head making those webs, hearing her say my name, squeezing those hips, trying to remember if we had enough time to go back to my house, to my room, even if my friends were waiting in my living room, and then hearing her mother say good morning to me.

I feel my smirk getting bigger remembering that face and neck completely red, hearing her excuse herself to the restroom, watching her run up her staircase, and then looking down, knowing I was an idiot, forgetting where we were. I heard her mother's steps, exhaled, and sat down at their kitchen table, waiting for the inevitable, regardless of us having talked three months ago, but knowing I'm honest in my actions and need to remain accountable to them.

I heard the chair next to me move, inhaled, looked up at her, saw that smile that reminded me that Tom was a fucken idiot, and she said, "She'll eventually get over that embarrassment so don't worry about it too much and." I saw her look down, smiling still, and heard her say, "You're all growing up into wonderful people and I know you're all responsible young adults so I don't worry." I saw her exhale and she continued, "And I know you all don't need me as much, but just know, I'll always be here, if any of you ever want to talk or need anything."

I inhaled, remembered her voice, as I do sometimes when I'm not expecting it, remembered realizing in Chicago why her smile made me nervous, what I will always miss, and that dish she remembered to bring me that night Caesar stayed over, and I said, "I." I saw her eyes look up at me, swallowed, and I said, "Probably won't be eating very much of anything at the event, so if you happen to go anywhere." I stopped and calculated they would not only be in the same age bracket but the same exact age and knew how much I tried ignoring that fact. I saw that smile that showed me, if biology is correct and environmental factors do not change significantly, that Jazmine would continue to be even more of what she is right now as we got older, and she said, "Of course Huey. I'll bring you a vegetarian dish no matter where we all have dinner tonight." I know I will always miss what I do not have, I understand that fact about my life, but maybe, asking her to bring me a vegetarian dish can be another beginning, another exchange.

I look up, know that voice is coming from the hallway I will be passing soon where the storage room is, and I exhale, hearing that voice, knowing what that feeling is, and how I will beat that fucken idiot again if he tries touching her, but first, I want to see those hips again. I reach that hallway, look down that corridor where I can hear that voice and her friends talking, knowing there's a low chance I'll see those hips and that soft braid at this angle, and exhale through my nose, seeing that girl leaning on the doorframe of the storage room. I see her look up from her phone, and I look forward, not wanting to deal with that before dealing with those two fucken idiots that are in front of the shelter right now.

* * *

Okay, we have lots of potato salad, garden salad, buttered brussels sprouts, green bean casserole, mashed potato, creamed corn, different styles of cranberry, white rice, lots and lots of bread rolls, stuffing for days, and that's just the side dishes.

I look over to the left, pass the other tables, and see my sister at the last table filled with desserts, cutting up another pie, with Lauren next to her putting those slices of pie on little plates. They're doing good and I know my sis can handle a knife. I feel my smile knowing she's not only my cuddle bunny sister, she's C-Murder, that hangs out with the Woodcrest mafia, and the strongest and prettiest girl I know.

I hear someone say, "Can I have some?" I look back down, smile, and say, "I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Yes, do you want one or two scoops?" I see her lick her lips, feel my lips purse, know we need to stretch it out but, at least, right now, we have lots, and she's hungry.

I say, "Hey, don't say anything okay?" I see those brown eyes look up at me, that cute nose move, and see that smile, putting three scoops of stuffing on her plate. I see her move along to the next table towards the volunteers from some of the churches that donated and luckily stayed to help serve, see them put one scoop, see her smile up at them, I'm sure happy she's getting this food, but I can see she's not asking them for extra. I exhale, hopefully we get her another plate.

I hear her say, "You're so nice Jazmon." I exhale, see a man move along the line, and stand in front of me with his plate. I smile him and say, "Would you like one or two scoops sir?" I hear him say, "Wells. Two be nice." I nod, put two big scoops on his plate, see him smile, and move down the line.

I hear someone say, "Can I have some?" I hear her exhale, roll my eyes, trying to not slap her, and hear the slap of the food on the plate.

I see the girl move along the line, stand in front of me, see her look at me with pursed lips, I inhale, and say, "I promise we're just happy to be here and help out okay. Would you like one or two scoops?" I see her smile at me, give her two scoops, and see her move down the line.

I exhale and say, "I don't care what you call me Ashley, but be nice to them." I hear her exhale and hear that screech say, "Why? Already serving them. Why I gotta be nice to?"

I look over to see who's next in line, see an older lady, reminding me of Ms. Lola with those warm brown eyes, see her look up at Ashley, look down, and see her scoot up to me. I close my eyes, open them, smile, and say, "Would you like some creamed corn to? Please have some if you want some." I see her smile up at me with no teeth, smile back, turn, grab the ladle from her hand, hear her say, 'Hey!', serve the lady some of the creamed corn and then two scoops of the stuffing.

I hear Ashley say, "I don't even know why I'm doing this?" I exhale and hear Ming's voice say, "Cuz you a crazy bitch." I start laughing, hear the guy getting the mashed potatoes from Ming snicker, hear Ashley exhale, see the guy move up to Ashley, and I roll my eyes, grab the ladle again, serve him, and give him a scoop of the stuffing.

I hear Ming say, "Shit bitch, if you're gonna have Jazzy do your damn job, fucken leave."

I look over to see who's next and see a boy, ten years old maybe, looking up at Ming with his plate, blushing. I start laughing at how cute he's being and hear Ming say, "Hey cutie, you want some mashed potatoes?" I see him nod with his mouth open and laugh at his cuteness. Ming is super pretty.

I see him move up to Ashley, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "You want some little boy?"

I see the boy purse his lips, nod, and hear the slap of food on his plate. I shake my head, see him come up to me, smile, and say, "One or two scoops cutie?" I see him smile and put two scoops on his plate.

I hear Ashley say, "I don't get. I'm pretty, prettier than you two, so why don't they like me giving them their food, looking at me like that? I mean it's free and they should just be happy I'm here."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hear an inhale, look towards the front of Ming again, and see a girl, maybe a little older than the last boy, looking up at Ming, reminding me of that last boy, with her mouth open and blushing. I smile.

I hear Ming say, "One or two scoops girly?" I see that girl's blush go over her whole face, I giggle, trying to not embarrass her, and hear her say in a tiny voice, "Two please." I see Ming put those two scoops on her plate, see her move over to Ashley, and I hear Ashley say, "You know it isn't okay to like," feel my eyes get big, move over, pushing Ashley out of the way, hearing her curse, and I say, "Do you want some creamed corn?" I see her smile, nod, serve her the cream corn, and a scoop of stuffing.

After the girl moves down the line, I look back at Ashley, see her massaging her arm, and I say, "What is your problem?" I see her look at me, see her chin rise, and she says, "I saw how she looked at 'her,'" I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Ming turn to look at Ashley, know she has lots of patience when it doesn't have to do with dumb girls trying to talk to Caesar, but even Ming has her limit, and hear Ashley say, "And it isn't okay to be liking girls. Best she knows now."

I feel my mouth open, look over at Ming, see her exhale, and she says, "You know what dumb bitch," but I cut her off with, "Mimi's", and motion to a teenager in front of Ming. I see Ming close her eyes, open her eyes, see her mouth, 'Thanks Jazzy', and see her turn to serve the boy.

I see that boy move up the line, hear the slap of food on his plate, see him move up to me, smile at him, see him look down, feeling my eyebrow rise, and I say, "Would you like one or two scoops?" I hear him say, "It's okay, I can have one." I exhale, remembering the people I've met that sleep here, how proud some of them are because they're doing the best they can and just had bad luck in life, and know they're trying to raise their kids that way.

I exhale and say, "Hey, what's your name?" I see him look up at me, see him blush, smile at how cute he's being, and he says, "Zari." I hear that screech say, "That sounds like," and hear Ming cut her off with, "None of your damn business. Damn, they're not talking to your ass, so just serve."

I feel my smirk, see that boy looking at me with that blush, and I say, "That's a cool name. You should be proud of it. So, Zari, do you really want one or do you want two scoops of this delicious stuffing?" I see him smile, feel my smile, and he says, "Two please." I nod, give him two scoops, and see him move down the line.

I look over at Ashley and see Ming on her other side, looking at me with those pursed lips and that raised eyebrow. I exhale and say, "Ashley." I see her look up at me from her phone and I say, "Why don't you just go? You don't wanna be here. You're being mean to people and even telling girls it's bad for them to like someone, whoever they like, when that's up to their parents. So." I exhale and hear Ming say, "You don't wanna be nice to these people, just fucken leave Ashley."

I see her inhale, looking at me, and she says, "You want me to leave so you can all have him to, specially you?" I close my eyes, exhale, turn back to the dishes of stuffing, look up and feel my smile seeing that afro next to Caesar and Hiro, cutting those turkeys, knowing he's going to need that tea as soon we're home. I know they put the ice chests next to them, where the people are supposed to get their drinks, and so the guys can get water and soda whenever they want, but specially so Huey can get water. My poor bestie. He's probably really sick right now.

I hear the slap of food, look up at a man, smile, and give him a scoop. I see that afro again and hear Ming's voice say, "You're so fucken stupid Ashley." I look back at Ming, see her smile at a woman, serve her, see the woman pass Ashley, and get to me. I ask her if she wants creamed corn, see her shake her head, and I give her two scoops of stuffing.

I hear Ashley's voice say, "Like I care what you think. You all only think you can talk to me like that cuz you have boyfriends that you know a lot girls want and you only got cuz you knew them before high school or they started dating you before they saw how many girls wanned them at school."

I look over, see Ming smile at a man, serve him, see the man come up to Ashley, hear the slap of food, scoot up to me, smile at him, and give him a scoop. I hear Ming exhale, look over at her, see her look over at me with that smile, know one of the reasons I think Caesar likes Ming is that confidence she has, see her look back at Ashley and she says, "Think whatever the fuck you want Ashley. Shit, you can even think we have them all under a fucken spell. None of us cares. But, think about this. If that shit's true, that a bunch of hoes want them, it's because they are that damn cute, so why would Jazzy or any of my girls want that dick you wanna see? Really think about that shit hoe, then get back to us."

I laugh, see Ming smile at me that smile that reminds me of my sister, and hear someone say, "Miss?" I see Ming turn back to the table, see her serve another boy, see him blush, and I can't help but giggle. Then, I hear the slap of food on his plate, see him scoot up to me, smile at him, see his toothy grin, and give him two scoops.

I hear Ashley exhale and hear her whisper, "Because he's that hot and I know when you all get bored you're gonna want him." I feel my eyebrow rise, looking at Cairo and Dewey cleaning up the tables with one of the guys that takes care of the shelter at night, and remember the gossiping I can't even get away from in class about how some girls really do think he's hot. I see him look up, see him turn to us, and I look away and turn to Ming. I see her looking at me with that smirk and I can't help it and I start laughing again.

I hear Ming laughing with me and hear Ashley say, "Laugh. I don't care. Only reason I'm here is because of you anyways Jazmon." I open my eyes and see her looking down. I shake my head, turn back to the table, and see a woman looking at the creamed corn. I smile at her, grab the ladle, serve her, and then serve her a scoop of stuffing.

I hear Ming's voice say, "So you just said our guys have hoes that want them, but they're our guys, they only want us, and the reason you're here is somehow cuz of our Jazzy. Don't make sense, don't get it, and you're still a dumb bitch."

I snicker, hear the man in front of me snickering, and give him two scoops.

I hear Ashley exhale and hear her say, "He only talked about coming here after fifth period on Friday. You have fifth period with him Jazmon. And then, I show up and find your fat ass here."

I exhale, look up at Mr. Willis talking to some of the people in the organizations that donated the food, knowing I can't lunge myself at her, and hear Ming say, "Watch your mouth dumb bitch." I exhale, know I have to calm everyone down no matter how much patience my friend has, and I say, "Look, that makes no sense Ashley because I never talk to him in." I stop, look up at Cairo, feeling my mouth open, and here Ming say, "Jazzy?" I see him look over at me and I turn to Ming, see those dark big eyes, and I say, "Ms. Reed asked us to share what we were doing for Thanksgiving vacation in class on Friday."

I close my eyes and hear a tiny voice say, "Miss?" I open my eyes, turn back to the table, see a little girl with long black hair, smile at her, and I say, "Do you want one or two scoops pretty girl?" I see her smile, see that cute front tooth that's missing, and I give her two scoops.

I exhale, look up at the guys working with those knives, reminding me of an anime I heard about, 'Food Wars', smile at that afro swaying, and then feel sad, knowing he's probably a little more stressed because Cairo and Dewey are here. I exhale. Why did I say this is what I was doing for my vacation in class? I mean maybe Cairo and Dewey could be here because they want to volunteer, but, looking at them, and seeing Cairo look at me with that look he's giving me again, all the way from across the backyard, I exhale, and feel really bad for my bestie.

I hear Ming's voice say, "Jazzy." I feel my small smile, look over at her, see her smile at me, and she says, "Don't matter why they're here. Shit. We even got more hands to clean up. And we know, between my dreads helping set up, dealing with all the people, and your afro doing all that other stuff, they can handle those two being here."

I feel my smile now, know I have to give her a big hug later, when we're not serving and say, "You're right Mimi's."

I turn back to the table, hear that slap of food, exhale, see a man scoot over in front of me, smile at him, and I say, "Would you like one or two scoops sir?" I see him smile and I give him one scoop. Then, I hear that screech say, "So what? You're just okay with leading guys on like that? Having Huey and then talking about how much of a good person you want people to think you are in class by doing this kind of stuff, knowing he was probably gonna follow you here? I guess what can you expect from someone with no class."

I exhale, hear Ming say, "Such a dumb bitch," and can't help but snicker.

Then, I see him walk in with two men behind him, passing the line, and walking up to Mr. Willis. I know he did donate but why would he be here when I'm sure he has other places he should be, like making sure his investments, like ten-year-old girls running lemonade stands, are making him money. I see that gray suite he's always in, wonder if he's even a little normal, and ever wears anything else, and hear that screech say, "Oh my god. Is that Ed Wuncler, the Ed Wuncler?"

I close my eyes, and hope Black Jesus, God, and Santa, are all listening when I pray that this day doesn't end like that last day of my lemonade stand.

* * *

Okay, everything seems okay, even good. Good for him being here and I'm sure trying to use this Thanksgiving dinner as a way to make money. I wonder how he's even making money being here.

I exhale, seeing Mr. Wuncler standing next to Mr. Willis and Frank, talking to the news reporter, and see Mr. Willis laugh with the pretty reporter. I haven't noticed until now, but he looks happy with Frank being here. I smile. Hopefully he'll be here for the holidays so Mr. Willis isn't so alone. I know he spends Thanksgiving and Christmas with his old secretary, Ms. Mary, and her family, but I'm sure he would like it if Frank lived here. And, I exhale, he calls my bestie Howie. He must miss both of his sons a lot.

I smell that lavender lotion, feel her head on my shoulder, feel my smile get bigger, and hear her whisper, "Mr. Willis looks happy that his son's here. And his son seems cool." I lean my head on hers and say, "Yeah. It would be nice if he lived here but I think him and his family live in Texas and Mr. Willis has to miss him." I hear her exhale and hear her whisper, "That's his only kid?" I exhale and say, "No, he had another son that died a long time ago." I exhale, remember that name he calls Huey, look over at him, and feel my small smile seeing him talking to the guys and Riley, taking that break I know they needed.

And, I can't believe Riley figured out how to make sure everyone got one plate of food before we all took our break to let everyone eat and then start serving again anyone that hasn't eaten. And, he figured how to do it, keep track of who ate and didn't eat, without it costing the shelter any money with like tickets. Just as smart as that warm brain, just chooses to not show it in his studies, but in his logic and his art, and he will be running multibillion-dollar companies one day. I feel my smile get bigger seeing Caesar laugh and hit Riley's back, still not really sure why guys are so rough with each other. Caes. He is really happy now. And Ming's right. Between that afro, those dreads, those nice cornrows I braided this morning, and Hiro's awesome knife skills, which I really don't want to know where he got from, those four can handle anything. And, I just remembered I wanted to do something when we had a break.

I stand up straight, feel her move away, put my arms around her waist, put my head on her shoulder, and say, "Thanks for what you said Mimi's. I felt really guilty about Cairo and Dewey showing up and then Huey being really stressed out." I smile seeing those Freeman eyes looking at me, feeling my cheeks getting warm, feel her hands on my arm that's over her waist, and hear her whisper, "You the big sis in our crew Jazzy and we need to take care of you and not let you feel guilty over dumb things that don't matter." I exhale, knowing I'm really lucky to have my friends and then I see Caesar hit Huey's back. I see those eyebrows lower over those reds, hear all the guys laughing from here, and can't help it and start laughing, hearing Ming laughing with me. They're all so cute, even if my bestie doesn't like when I call him that.

Then I see him stand in front of us, that evil smile, and he says, "So the rumors are true that Mr. Long-Dou's granddaughter, captain of the Wushung harmonious junior-senior kickball team who lost at that kickball tournament and the reason I didn't have to pay those debts to the Chinese, is living here where I own two thirds of all the properties, businesses, and the bank that owns this shelter."

I hear her inhale, feel her stand up straight, and move my hands away, knowing when it's about Ed Wuncler no one needs help defending themselves, even if she's cuddly inside with a hard exterior.

I see him smiling that evil smile that only Ed Wuncler has and hear Ming say, "That's right Mr. Wuncler, this is where we live now, even if you own everything, and I'm not part of that team and my parents aren't part of my grandfather's shady dealings." I feel my smile and then close my eyes hearing that screech say, "Hi Mr. Wuncler! My name is Ashley McNeil and my dad works for your oil," and I hear Mr. Wuncler say, "Where are your damn manners young lady? Didn't your parents teach you to only talk when you're addressed to like all girls your age should?"

I open my eyes, look over to my right, and feel my mouth open seeing Ashley's face red and possibly mad, maybe from embarrassment or just because she's mad, with her mouth closed.

I inhale, knowing I don't like people telling girls we shouldn't talk but mom's raising us to respect everyone unless they're being really rude and Mr. Wuncler is a lot of things, selfish, mean, a criminal, but he's not rude.

I look back up at him, see that evil smile again looking at Ming, and he says, "Now Ms. Long-Dou, I understand your parents and you aren't part of the associations I have with numerous Chinese corporations or your grandfather's dealings with me, but you Ms. Long-Dou could still have a bright future in the kickball business I have in China, as a head trainer or any other position you want, so what do you say about letting the past go and dealing with me directly?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Ming say, "My answer is no. I play ball now cuz that's where it is and I'm damn good. So no Mr. Wuncler, I don't want dealings with you." I feel my smile and then feel confused seeing him smirk. I see him inhale and he says, "I did hear that you and that McPhearson girl are doing pretty damn well on that team at the high school named after my great grandfather that sits on a property I happen to own."

I hear Ming say, "That's right, Cin and the rest of the team are damn good and that team's the best one in this whole city and undefeated this season." I see him smile again, making me feel nervous, and he says, "Well then, if that's the case, I might just have to see about taking care of some other dealings with individuals that can't control their gambling addiction at one of those games."

I hear her inhale, grab her hand, remembering she's too similar to my little sister, and see Mr. Wuncler look at me. I see that smile, feel my eyes squint, trying to remember what mom says about being nice even when you don't feel like it because an evil man just said he's going to use your little sister's team to gamble, and he says, "Now Ms. Dubois, don't you worry, I have a proposition for you to."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see that evil smirk turn to me, and he says, "I've been told you started volunteering at the Woodcrest nursing home and you're doing well there. People say they even like you." I keep my mouth shut, hearing him trying to be nice and remembering when he used that voice to have me sign myself into child labor.

I exhale and say, "Yes Mr. Wuncler. I volunteer there after school. It's a nice place and I like it."

I see that evil smirk and he says, "Is it a nice place?" I inhale, feel her squeeze my hand, and exhale. He says, "I have an old friend that." He stops and I see his lips purse, look away with a serious look, and hear him say, "Stays there and they say you're a decent volunteer." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing there are a lot of residents there and they're all nice, and feel my smile thinking they like me.

I see him exhale, look back at me with that serious look, and he says, "More of proposition, I need to ask you for a favor Ms. Dubois."

I feel that hand squeeze my hand, I blink, and say, "I'm sorry Mr. Wuncler, did you just say you need a favor from me?" I see him exhale, purse his lips, and he says, "Yes I did Ms. Dubois, of course favors require payment, as all transactions do, and my lawyers can be here with the paperwork this afternoon if you want a contractual agreement."

I blink and say, "Mr. Wuncler I don't want another contract with you and really I don't need anything. If I can help, I'll try." I see him exhale and I wonder if he's getting frustrated with me. He says, "There is always a fee to pay Ms. Dubois. Now, I just need you to continue working there, doing whatever it is you do there, and continue being." I see him stop, see him exhale, he says, "Decent to a certain resident."

I feel her let go of my hand, feel that hand on my shoulder, I exhale, and say, "Mr. Wuncler, I'm gonna keep being nice to all the residents and I don't need any payment from you."

I see him inhale, see him lean back, raise his chin, and he says, "What if I offered to buy your agreement to that contract for the price of that little pony? What was his name, Sammy Davis Jr. the pony?"

I feel my mouth open, blink, and see that afro over Mr. Wuncler's shoulder, taking the trash bags outside to the big bins with Riley. I feel my smile, remember I still need to apologize to him for that day, look back at Mr. Wuncler, smile at him, and I say, "No Mr. Wuncler. If I ever want Sammy Davis Jr. I'll just have to pay that highway robbery price. But, I promise to be nice to all the residents."

I see him inhale looking at me and wonder how old Mr. Wuncler is. I know he's Ed's grandad so he has to be older than our Grandad, well my bestie and Riley's Grandad, and I don't remember Ed talking about his other grandad or his grandmas. I wonder if Mr. Wuncler is the only grandparent Ed still has. And, if Ed's other grandparents are no longer with us, I wonder how lonely that must make Mr. Wuncler, no matter how much money he has. And, whoever that old friend is has to be special to him to offer me that pony I think I still secretly want one day. I smile and say, "But." I see him exhale and I say, "If you tell me who that friend is, I promise to check on them, like I do with the residents that ask me to see them whenever I'm there and ask me to bring them their tea and coffee the way they like it."

I see him exhale and look away. After a few seconds, I see him inhale, look back at me, and he says, "You have a deal Ms. Dubois. I'll mail you the information seeing as there are too many ears here." I feel my eyebrow rise and see him look over where I think Ashley is standing.

I nod and say, "Okay, well, I don't go back until Monday." I see him look back at me, see that head and white hair that reminds me of Grandad, smile at him, see him exhale, and he says, "That's fine. They're being taken care of this week by top people but expect you to return when your school allows you to on Monday." I feel my mouth open, wondering how he knew I wasn't there this week, and wondering who's at the nursing home taking care of his friend.

I see him turn to Ming and he says, "Remember Ms. Long-Dou, the offer remains on the table, if you ever want to return to the kickball business." He turns to me, exhales, and he says, "And for what it's worth Ms. Dubois, I do know about the changes this year and if I was able to have him agree to letting that contract continue with a simple threat of old gangster shit, I'm not in the damn least surprised Robert's grandsons took care of running him out of town."

I feel my eyes open, wondering how much Mr. Wuncler knows, and he says, "Do not forget our agreement." I blink and nod because I don't know what else to do, see him turn around, see him take a step towards where the reporters and Mr. Willis are, then hear that screech say, "Mr. Wuncler I just wanted to introduce myself and really want to talk to your grandson about maybe us, you know maybe in a year, when I'm older, seeing," and feel my eyes open hearing him cut her off with, "Young lady." I see his shoulders move up, hear him exhale, and hear him say, "If my grandson is going to see anyone, you better believe it will be someone that either has a bright future in a sport that can further our success or is capable enough to take care of business and was raised knowing when to speak up to an adult."

I feel Ming put her arm around my shoulders and I lay my head on her, watching Mr. Wuncler walking away, knowing one of my best friends has a really bright future no matter if she keeps playing basketball or wants to play any other sport. And, did Mr. Wuncler just tell Ashley he wants Ed to date someone like Ming more than her? I look over at Ming, see her eyebrow is raised, see that smile, and start laughing with her. Oh my god, Black Jesus, or Santa.

Then I hear, "Jazzy." I stop laughing, look over, see Riley in his awesome jacket with those green markers in his pocket, and he says, "We starting. 'Member, check their right hand. You see that the 'x', they got food and gotta go outside and wait." I nod and hear Ming say, "But what if they washed that shit off?" I see him exhale and he says, "I knows but I didn't wanna use permanent shit. Ain't fair if they don't got a place to wash off, so give 'em food and we'll figure shit out." I feel my smile, knowing Riley thought about people not being able to wash off the 'x' he marked them with if they don't have a place to do it. Mom's right. He's a sweetheart. I see him exhale, look over to the entrance of the backyard where the line is supposed to form, and he says, "And we getting more food cuz of Ed's grandad so we'll be a'ight."

I feel my eyes get big and ask, "Really, where is it?" I see him look back at me, see the Riley Freeman smirk, and he says, "Same shit his hatering ass said. It be coming. When they get here, they'll be asking for you."

I smile, see him look over to Ashley I think, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "I gots a girl. Chill the fuck out with looking all ova the fucken place." I exhale, see him look back at us, and he says, "I'll check their right hand but you'll do the same to make sure they ain't got an 'x'. I'ma be sending them in two's." I nod, see him turn back to the entrance, and see him start jogging over.

I feel Ming pull away and see her walk around Ashley to the first table with the different kinds of mashed potatoes. I look behind us at the tables with the extra side dishes we had to bring out here because the storage is filled with cooked turkeys we didn't want bugs getting to and at least the side dishes have covers. It's enough for another round of people to get their first plates. Hopefully Mr. Wuncler does bring lots of more food for the people. Maybe he's not that bad.

I hear that screech say, "How do you both know someone like him if you have no money or class?"

I exhale, turn around, and look down at the table. I should be okay to give a scoop to twenty more people and then I can get the next container of stuffing. I hear that voice say, "Don't ignore me."

I exhale, look over at the entrance of the backyard, see two people walking over to us, and I say, "I'm not ignoring you Ashley, I'm just not gonna answer you because it's a dumb question and anything I do tell you you'll use to hurt my friends or me because you're a mean girl."

I hear her exhale and then hear Ming's voice say, "I'll tell your ass you don't know what fucken class is and you just fucken proved it by throwing your ass at the Wunclers. I mean, I thought you wanted that other dick you came here for, not the Wuncler's grandson. Confusing ass bitch."

I can't help and snicker, knowing my friend has a good point. I hear her inhale and hear that screech say, "I know what class is and I'm just keeping my options open for when I turn eighteen, like they told me to."

I look over at Ming, see her looking at Ashley, and then see Ming look up at me with that raised eyebrow. I purse my lips, shake my head, see Ming nod, and see her turn to serve the person in front of her. Then, I hear the slap of food, look forward, smile at the woman, look down at her hand, don't see an 'x', and serve her a scoop of stuffing. I see her move along and then see a boy, smile at him, don't see an 'x', and serve him two scoops.

I hear her exhale and she says, "I don't even know why I'm talking to you. You don't have to know anything about me. And anyways, I don't care what you think and I can have anyone I want. And he's hot enough until we're out of high school and then I have to get someone that has more money and class."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Ming, and see her looking at me. I exhale, look back down at Ashley that's looking down at the creamed corn, and I say, "Why do you have to get someone with money? Why can't you just be with someone you like?"

I see her exhale and she says, "You don't get anything. My family has money and I know what I need to do, what they tell me to do, what she tells me to do, and she." I see her stop, see her turn to me, inhale, and see her look up at me with those eyes that are just not as beautiful as my mom's or my sisters and just look so cold. I see her inhale again and she says, "Mind your own damn business."

I exhale and hear Ming say, "If you don't wanna say shit about why you're such a bitch, why bring it up then? Talking about having to get someone with money after high school and then getting all fucken high and mighty, like we fucken forcing your ass to talk."

I see her exhale and see her look back down at her phone. I look up at Ming, see her shake her head at Ashley, and hear a girl's voice say, "Miss?" I see Ming turn around, see her smile, and serve the girl, and I turn back to the table waiting for that girl.

I exhale, waiting for that girl, and remember a family, a family filled with mean people, wrong people, people that care about that stuff, money, class, and told their daughter that she needed to marry someone with more of it. I inhale and know, there might be a lot of bad people in this world, maybe even more bad people than I think, one that lived in our house until mom told him he wasn't welcomed anywhere near us.

I hear the slap of food, see the girl move over to me, smile at her, see those pretty dark blue eyes, not as ocean blue, but close, that remind me of my sister, don't see an 'x', and put two scoops on her plate. Those blue eyes, like my sister. My sister. I look over to the left at that last table and feel my smile, seeing my sister's pretty smile laughing with Lauren, reminding me that my sister, our friend that's making her laugh right now, and our other friend who's ten feet away from me who I can hear telling another little boy if he wants one or two scoops and is probably making him blush, are good people, and there are lots and lots of good people in this world. So many. And I can't let that person I grew up with, other people I've met, that family that was mean and cruel to my bestie and his brother, and this girl that cares about money and class and doesn't care about making girls feel bad because of who they like, make me think there's more bad people than good people. There are more good people than bad people in this world. And those are still the people I want to have in my life. And, the other people, the bad people, the wrong people, they don't matter.

I see the little boy move up in front of me, see he didn't get any creamed corn, see that dirt on his cute face that he probably got from playing in the park with other boys his age, and know he has to be hungry. I say, "Hold on cutie." I turn and see that she's looking at her phone. I exhale, lean over, grab the ladle from her hand, hear her curse, fill the ladle with the creamed corn, turn back around to the little boy, and put it on his plate, seeing him smile. Then, I put two scoops of the stuffing and see him move along to the next table. I think I forgot to check if he had an 'x' on his hand. I look back up at the entrance, see another woman holding a little boy's hand walking up to us, and see Riley behind them, standing by the entrance looking out, I think at the line, and know it doesn't matter if I checked that little boy's hand because we have lots of good people helping today and things always work out.

And, I think I want to give her another hug. I drop my scooper, turn, walk around Ashley, reach her, and hug her from behind. I hear her giggle, put my chin on her shoulder, and I say, "I'm happy you're here Mimi's." I feel her exhale and hear her whisper, "Love you Jazzy." I smile and whisper, "Love you Mimi's."

Yes, I know lots and lots of good people because there are so many in the world. I look up, see the woman with the little boy, see her smile at us, smile at her, and I let go of Ming. I walk around Ashley who's looking down at her phone, shake my head, and get back to my table, ready to serve creamed corn and stuffing, knowing more food is coming, things always work out, and there are so many good people in this world and at this shelter right now.

* * *

Women and the hugging. I shake my head and feel my smirk. And then I inhale, remembering why the hell I'm not out there, helping cut those pieces into portion size, and looking at those greens across the backyard. I ask him to do one damn thing that doesn't require supervision and he can't do it.

I walk in and see him leaning on the right wall, where he could only be seen if someone walked into the storage room, looking at his phone. I exhale, trying to relax, walk to the tables next to the adjacent wall, and I hear him say, "I was gonna get it nigga. Give me a fucken minute."

I inhale. Mr. Willis, the people that came to get that food, regardless of my disagreement with meat, those kids that wanted extra slices of that meat, my folk, and her. They're all affected in several ways if I beat him here. I exhale, grab the tray with the forty-third bird Hiro will be slicing open before giving the pieces to Caesar and myself, and I say, "You're not going to fucken help, leave."

I pull the tray and hear that fucken idiot say, "I ain't leaving and you ain't doing shit cuz your ass works at this shithole and you don't wanna destroy it crazy ass nigga." I exhale, put down the tray, turn, take those three steps, and stop, remembering this is where we spent two and a half hours a day on those weekends in eight grade when apparently, that idiot that's hiding somewhere in Woodcrest thought she was taking extra classes at school. That imbecile that is still the cause of some of her fear and grief, like many things she doesn't acknowledge, and I have to be ready to disable if he tries getting close to her or her family. I exhale, seeing that anger and fear in his eyes, remembering I have to be composed at all times, especially right now, where this fucken moron means nothing compared to the other one that's related to her and knows the legal field well. And, beating him here, creating chaos here, will not help in having me focus on what's important. I feel my temperature dropping.

I see him raise his chin and he says, "What I thought nigga. Won't do shit here. And, I ain't leaving 'till this shit ends. And I don't wanna do shit in here. Just keep me out there cleaning or whatever the fuck you want." I inhale, remembering those two and a half hours where she would sometimes use that whiny voice, and exhale, knowing why he wants to be out there. But she doesn't like lying and she's told me what she wants, who she wants.

I inhale and turn around, knowing to not turn my back on fucken idiots, but he's a fucken idiot. I walk back to the table, grab the tray, and hear that idiot say, "You ain't shit Huey. You work at a fucken shelter, giving orders to volunteers, so stop acting like your ass is fucken better than anyone or me nigga cuz you ain't."

I feel the tray start to crumble in my hands and I say, "You don't fucken know me Cairo. So fuck you and what you think." I pull the tray towards me and hear that idiot say, "Just like when we were fucken kids. Always thinking your ass was fucken better cuz of your fucken money. And then, talking 'bout blacks and how fucked up we had it, saying how we gotta change it, when no one fucken cares asshole. No one cared what the fuck you and that nigga were saying at that museum or at school after your ass left, after they all found out your ass was sitting on fucken real money, and all them niggas knew you and your bitch ass brother left cuz you were moving up to whitecrest."

I inhale, let go of the tray, turn around, see that fucken idiot again, and I exhale, trying to relax before I punch him hard enough Mr. Willis will know something happened. I see that fucken smirk and he says, "What? Didn't know everyone, least those dumb bitches and niggas at school, found out 'bout that fucked up family?" I inhale, see that fucken smirk, and he says, "Shit, was only hard for a minute but after everyone knew 'bout that family and stopped talking 'bout your ass like you fucken knew shit I got 'nough fools to take your spot and they all fucken knew shit was better without you running your mouth and your money fake ass nigga."

I exhale. I couldn't care less who knows about that family, but I must always have as much information as possible. And at least now I know why those fucken idiots at the courts didn't look surprised when he said it because, outside of family, only the ones that care about that part of my life, that damn family and their money, would even remember my brother and I are connected to them. And, I couldn't care less who knows today. I inhale looking at that fucken smirk, knowing he is trying to test me today, and I need to remain composed, take action, if any, when I'm not close enough to killing him. I turn around, look at the bird in the tray, and exhale through my nose. Damn it. I don't care who knows about that family but I do give a shit about costing the shelter money. I look over, see the extra trays, walk over, grab one, turn, and see him looking at me with that fucken dumbass look that I need to beat again. I inhale, walk back to the table, put the extra tray next to one with the crumpled edges, and hear the idiot say, "That's why I made sure to not see your punk ass at school before your ass left. Knew you were fucken leaving, not even trying to stay, cuz you were too fucken good for the neighborhood."

I inhale, grab the crumpled tray with the bird, and wanting to shut him up, before I do beat him, I say, "You're a fucken idiot. I left because I was too fucken good for the neighborhood when there was no way for me to stay? And why the fuck would I want to stay with a piece of shit friend like you who could only get enough people to protect him by making me the fucken enemy because of a family I never talked to you backstabbing." I stop and exhale, remembering how I was raised or they tried raising me. I exhale longer, thinking about those two people that tried raising me well. She tried her best to raise us to be 'nice' to people and he tried to be a Grandfather to us. Grandad. That flight to Chicago that first time back. I shake my head, knowing he was right about friends, some friends. I still don't know what Mo Jackson did to lose Grandad's trust because I mind my own damn business and I know they didn't settle things until one of them was dead, but I have a 'feeling', whatever that feeling is, that Mo didn't spew lies about Grandad at some school because that's the only way he could have idiots that couldn't think for themselves follow him. And it doesn't matter because I wasn't acquainted or remotely close to any of those kids at that school, other than my brother and Hiro who primary hung out with each other. Caesar I only saw on the weekends when, aside from those times when my brother and Hiro forced me out to the courts or I would go out to make sure they weren't causing any more trouble, I didn't think about that family.

I inhale looking at that forty-third bird Hiro will be slicing open before handing the pieces to Caesar who said he wanted to stand next to Hiro to eat pieces until he got his fill, which I told him was unsanitary but I can't stop him from doing anything, but more than likely pushed me out of the way so I wouldn't have to stand next to those birds knowing who I am. I exhale, they know who I am. And, they know I can only stand being close to and talking about cooked meat for so long before I can't keep pushing that reflex down. And back then, in Chicago, regardless of whether they knew it or not, when I hung out with my brother and those two was the only time I didn't think about that family. School, studying, doing anything, helped some, but after I found that letter about the court proceedings and had Grandad explain what 'insurance' and 'defendant' and even 'deceased' meant not only was I constantly thinking about that family, that woman, the reason my brother somehow got the idea he was the reason she didn't visit, not having known he had found some letters himself, but now I was also thinking about who that family was, the past they had. And because of that past, I felt a need to talk to someone about those thoughts, the overwhelming anger I felt. And so, I turned to the person I hung out with most at school, the person I considered a friend because we had used each other during several fights against groups of older kids, and told him about the court case, that family, that woman, what I found at the library about that family being involved in the depts of Chicago's criminal past. Even fucken library books had their name and how they somehow got out of each court case, each accusation, because of their money and influence. I trusted some back then and so I turned to them to know what to do, to have some kind of outlet for this hatred that was building. But after that, after finding out about all of that misery, that chaos they created, those double lives that family lived, where they looked proper and pristine on the outside but inside that house, the things that happened inside that house, that's all I could focus on. The things Grandad and Aunt Cookie talked about at night when they thought I was asleep. Those things we heard them talk about in the kitchen late at night, knowing my brother had also been awake when he threw another crying tantrum the next day, those things our mother told them because she trusted them, and because to people like Grandad and Aunt Cookie who had lived in Chicago for most of their lives those things were partially known, even to the police, who that family owned. So, I feel little guilt, if any, that I told this fucken idiot about that family because those things were already known to the old folk in Chicago. And it's no surprised he used that information after I left to get people to see me as different, someone that wasn't like them, because of that family, possibly even making him look like the victim when he was one of the fucken reasons I thought about that family so much.

I feel my eyes squint seeing the truth. Seeing him for what he is. I feel my hands let go of that tray, turn around, and see him. He didn't fucken help. He made it worse. I see him smirk, know I will be beating him again, and he says, "What nigga? You finally see you always gonna be a little bitch that thinks you better cuz of that fucken family?"

I inhale, exhale, inhale, feel my temperature dropping again, and I say, "If I fucken think I'm so much better because of them, then why the fuck was that all you ever talked about after I told your ass who they were? Why were you the one that always wanted to talk about their damn money, who the fuck they were, why I didn't want to ever meet them? Why you piece of shit did you always bring them up when I wasn't even thinking about them?"

I exhale. All of those times. All of those times I just wanted to hang out, talk about anything else, anything, to not think about them. All of those times I haven't thought about until now more than likely because he's a fucken idiot and I don't like thinking about fucken idiots. All of those times I chose to overlook because I considered him my friend, because we were in some classes together and at least in class he didn't ask about that family. I inhale. And the fact that after he stopped hanging out with us in front of that museum and then completely on the weekends, he only sought me out walking home from school so he wouldn't walk home alone. That's when I stupidly, as a naive and emotionally unstable eight year old, thought he was my friend, possibly my best friend, and told him on one of those days we were walking home about that family and how much I hated them. Then, the next day at school, he showed up at the library during lunch, knowing that's where I would be, to tell me he wanted to hang out. I inhale. I am an idiot and I do not see things until they're right in front of me and I want to punch their teeth in.

I see him exhale and he says, "You don't know shit. You talked 'bout their asses." I close my eyes, exhale, open them, and say, "You're a fucken idiot if you think I'm that fucken blind to not see when I told you and when you started wanting to hang out at school. You were the only fucken idiot that cared, the one that asked, the only one of my friends that ever brought them up. You cared about that family, that money. You probably even thought in your fucken great thinking that being my friend you would get close to that money." I see his eyes get big, see him rise his chin again, I exhale, and continue, knowing this is where it ends, "And I don't fucken care who knows about that family and what was said when I left. You were a piece of shit friend back then, if you were even that, only looking for my ass after school because you wanted someone that knew how to fight and then only started wanting to hang out after you knew about the fucken money that means nothing to me and now, now you're just another fucken idiot. I don't even fucken care why you're here today. Just do what I say while you're here and off this property, unless it's fucken necessary, I don't want to see your face."

I exhale, know I'm grinding my teeth, and feel that pressure on my left shoulder. Shit. I close my eyes, crack that part of my shoulder again, and think about those hands on Saturday night. Those hands are outside. And, other than revealing how little of anything I've known until now about fucken idiots I thought were my friends, this is fucken pointless.

I open my eyes, see him inhale, know there's nothing he can tell me that's useful in anyway, turn around, exhale, knowing even if he doesn't let me, I'm replacing that extra tray I had to use, lift the crumpled tray, and place it in the extra one.

I grab both trays holding the bird now, turn around, see him standing there, know I can't deal with this shit right now, and that fucken stupid look, and he says, "I don't fucken care what you think 'bout my ass, you were fucken boring back then when I had to listen to your ass talking all that shit you didn't know nothing 'bout and you still a boring ass nigga that talks but won't change shit. And I couldn't give a flying fuck 'bout seeing your ugly ass here or at that fucken school. I'm here for damn one thing cuz I ain't fucken lucky like your ass that gets to see her whenever the fuck you want."

Shit. I close my eyes, trying to relax, know the two aluminum trays holding this bird will only hold it for three minutes at most and I could put it down on the table and beat him for saying anything about her, regardless of where we are, but they're waiting for this meat out there, and I can beat him when I come back.

I open my eyes, see the door, start walking towards it, and hear that fucken moron say, "And I'ma tell your ass right now, you can do whatever the fuck you want, you or your bitch ass friends, I'ma be 'round when she sees you ain't the shit you think you are and sees she deserves more cuz she is more, actually fucken cares 'bout shit just cuz she fucken does and don't think she's better, even if she looks the way she looks, she."

I take that step, knowing if I don't I will do something in the next two minutes I won't regret but will lead to damages to this room, and I hear him say, "She different. Different than those hoes in Chi-Town, them girls here. And she'll see that shit. She'll see what she deserves, that it ain't fucken you and that fucked up family, all that shit that follows their asses, cuz no matter what you say now nigga, you getting that money and the shit that come with it. And she don't want that. She don't want that fucked up family," but I cut him off saying, "But you fucken do. That's why we hung out right, because you wanted that fucken money?" I exhale, pushing that reflex down, holding this cooked bird, and I exhale, trying to not kill him, trying, partially because there's still some inkling in my mind, where thoughts, ideas, facts, and emotions come from, telling me he's right about her, about what she deserves.

But right now, I have another minute before this tray gives out, and I can still come back and beat him. I take another step towards the door and hear him say, "Back then, yeah, wanted that shit. But now, I'll get my own, and she'll see all the shit I do right now, the girls, reason I'm fucken here, that fucken program, it don't matter cuz I'd change for her." I exhale and hear him say, "No matter how much money that family got, you ain't better than my ass, shit, you're more of a piece of shit cuz least I didn't wanna take off to this place, had to cuz the pigs knew who the fuck I was and the shit I did there, cuz I'm a real nigga, not a fake ass pussy, and only a real nigga can take care of that ass."

I close my eyes, crack my neck, open them, turn around, walk over to the table, slide that tray, turn, and see his arms are up and he's ready. Good. I take those steps, see him square off, know one hit won't be enough after hearing everything, being reminded of people, scum that kill for money, and are willing to take boys from family that cares about them, being reminded about that place in my mind that will always be dark because I will never not be connected to them and it will follow me just like their past, and that same place in my mind where that past exists is only completely cleaned off, sanitized, when she places those hands on me, because he's right, he's right, and she is all those things, and I am one of those people that gives and takes for selfish reasons, like telling her the truth so she can find reasons to stay, and so, I will keep taking from her, because I am not good for her soul, even if I never believe in those because god isn't real, Shabazz is still in prison, my people continue to suffer even though slavery was abolished over one hundred and fifty years ago because racism is still real in this country, my parents are dead, my parents are fucken dead, she's going to leave when she realizes I've made her cry more than smile for too long, I was a fucken idiot as a kid to trust him and that's why I didn't have other friends, and the whiny voice likes the color of this room. Shit!

I hear the hit, feel the vibration in my knuckles, inhale feeling the hit to my side, feel my exhale through my chest, and see the anger and fear in those eyes. I inhale, feel my temperature rising, exhale, and hear a voice from my childhood say, "Hu! What the fuck man! You can't be doing that shit here!"

I feel my teeth grind, unable to stop it, see that fear turn into hate, and say the selfish truth, "Even if I never fucken deserve her, I'm not letting her go you piece of shit. She leaves if she ever wants to and you know nothing about her or what she wants or what she thinks because you've known her for two fucken entire months and I've known her for six fucken years. And, I don't fucken care where we are, you come near her, I will fucken kill you." I exhale, know I'm at that breaking point, see him raise his chin and he says, "Fuck you and what you say nigga, I'ma be in class with her and any other fucken time so I'm there when she sees how much you like that shitty fucked up family."

I inhale, feel that hand on my shoulder, and hear him say, "Hu. I know you man. You ain't this. Starting shit at a place like this. And whatever the fuck this fool said ain't true man. Focus man. Marches, that lady Garza, Caughman, taking them to Latin America, fuck, anything's better than thinking 'bout that. Shit, closest we talk about that is twenty-five from over the tracks, and that's fucken it, cuz anything close to that other shit don't matter." I inhale, knowing, he's not only right, he never asked, even when I did talk about that family and how much I hated them, actually hated them, he never asked. He didn't try to make me feel anyway about it either and never made it worse. And he never asked. After I was done telling him the one or two things I had found out about them, he would nod and stay quiet, something I only found out later was rare for him, and then he would ask me if I brought snacks for the bus ride to the museum or wherever we were going to hand out flyers because he ate his snacks on the way out of his house. I'm still an idiot, thinking I didn't have friends back then. And, I have those same friends today, the ones with sufficient character. The ones she calls 'good people'. I exhale and bring my hand back, know the kit's in the office and I'll have to use it to fix that wall before leaving today. Fuck. I'm tired from the people and the smell of meat and now these pointless few minutes that made me realize more than I wanted to think about today.

I hear him say, "Get the fuck outta here and go clean tables before I drag your ass out and don't fucken test me cuz I don't fucken lose nothing dragging you out since I don't work here and all that'll happen is that they kick my ass out to but dragging your ass with me would be fucken worth it." I see that fucken idiot that should be bleeding right now look over to my right, see him inhale, exhale, and after those four seconds he needs to figure out his fucken life, he looks to my left, and walks around me.

I hear the footsteps out the door, exhale, feel his hand leave my shoulder, turn around walking back to the bird, and hear him say, "Hu." I stop, exhale, and say, "Yeah." I hear him exhale, and he says, "Gotta tell you, 'bout that shit," but I cut him off with, "I know Caes," but even I hear the tiredness in my voice. I'm tired of this. Tired of being reminded of them, of how I'm connected to them. Reminded of them here by my own thoughts, by fucken idiots, or in Chicago by the fact that they exist. And, as selfish as it sounds, as much as it sounds like I'm throwing a tantrum I just don't want to do this shit anymore.

I hear him say, "But I never said thanks man." I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at him, see him smirking, and he says, "'Bout taking care of her that day. If it weren't for you and Riley, even though I'm pretty fucken sure Jazzy and Cin could've fucked him up with the moves they already knew, that asshole might've fucken touched her." I exhale, nod, and say, "You welcome." I turn back to the bird, feel that reflex coming up not having thought about it for several minutes, and remember, feeling the tiredness permeate with that now active reflex, and say, "And thank you for." I exhale and continue, "Pushing me out of the way." I take a step and hear him say, "Wells one your ass was 'bout to puke all over the fucken yard when they brought them out and two." I feel my eyebrow rise again, look back at him, see him looking away, serious, another rarity for him, and he says, "Still owe your ass for saving me from puking whenever the fuck I thought about that asshole, not asking me to keep talking 'bout him, just let my ass talk and say whatever the fuck I wanted to say."

I exhale, turn back to the bird, remembering those bus trips and several mile walks because we spent our money on food rather than saving it for the bus fare going home, and I say, "Thank you for never asking." I take that step, looking down at it and I hear him say, "What the fuck are friends for if it ain't to not ask 'bout shit that don't matter." I feel my smirk and exhale with the tiredness, fully accepting by my own standards he was a loyal friend back then, a loyal friend now, and my best friend based on our similar focuses and the fact that he doesn't annoy me as much as others do. But, the fact remains that the closest person to me, the one that has dealt with me and my asinine reasons for making her cry, dealt with those qualities from that family every day for weeks at a time, and calls herself my best friend has only heard those words from me a handful of times because I will always struggle with that dark place that tells me I am connected to that family, at least biologically, and how much I do not want to connect her to them. I feel my exhale longer, knowing I will struggle with those great qualities my entire life.

But right now, I need to find the energy I have always found to keep moving forward, do what is necessary, and not give into these self-deprecating thoughts, the ones I let control my emotions before I learned how to reel them in, the ones that were always just below the surface but I covered up with dealing with Grandad and Riley's attempts at leaving us destitute, the ones that are telling me the next logical step is to say 'fuck it' to all of it. Find a way. Push them down. Focus on that reflex, the sickness that comes with it, because it's cleaner than dealing with those thoughts. I look back at the bird, inhale, prepare myself to carry it back to the backyard, get through this day, and I hear him say, "And I gotta warn your ass." I exhale, look back, see him looking out the door, and hear him say, "They brought a shit load more food and turkeys." I inhale, remember what my brother said, know this is beneficial to the shelter and the people, that sickness will help me focus on moving forward, and I say, "Finally here. Where is it?"

I see him motion for me to look out the door, feel my eyebrow rise, walk over, look out, and inhale, seeing that soft braid, that purple sweater that's too tight to wear outside of my room but enjoy seeing her in, those blue pants showing me those thighs and legs that are too long for her body and are the reason I enjoy seeing her in shorts, and those purple converse because she likes matching even though I won't ever understand why women feel the need to match their clothing with their shoe color. I go back up, see that clip board in that small hand, go up to that face, and see her telling the mid-forty year old man something that looks like, 'yes sir, fifteen, yes sir, he's sixteen, really cute and really smart', feel my eyebrow rise with the tiredness of today after having those thoughts about that family that simple logic tells me I'm not connected to, the dark place in my mind that diminishes into a crevice when that shine in her eyes looks my way, not trying enough, not being enough because all I can do right now is give her the truth even though she's never made me feel less than what I am right now is enough for her, regardless of my views on souls and religion and the atrocities man has caused in its name, the hopeless even I sometimes feel about brother Shabazz, my people, my parents, my dead parents, and the tiredness after having those thoughts about how much I really did hurt her feelings, regardless of my selfish reasons of wanting to make her grow up, when that was always up to Sarah, leaving my body. And, I exhale, feeling that tiredness and tantrum I wanted to throw, saying 'fuck it' to it all, going home to get my journal and start the revolution to overthrow everything, leaving my body, and wonder how she does that, not only at this distance, but after having to deal with that fucken idiot and then all those thoughts. And then there's the fact that she doesn't hold any of that, any of those thoughts, against me. I see that smile and feel my smirk, knowing that tiredness, those thoughts, that want to say, 'fuck it', is completely gone, like that pain on Saturday night. Saturday night. Sunday morning. It's almost Saturday night. How does she do that just standing there in that sunlight in front of the shelter?

I hear him say, "That's why I came back here. Wanted to tell you Jazzy girl was talking to some of the guys 'bout what they brought and told her I was gonna tell you so we could figure where the fuck we were gonna put that much food." I exhale, see those greens focus back down on that clip board, writing whatever it is the driver, assuming by his uniform, is telling her.

I inhale and say, "We can move the birds over, use that table for however many will fit, place some on the lower shelves against the wall so anyone can reach them, and then we'll bring in the rest of the side dishes. Start with the larger items, the birds, make sure there's enough room for them first and then the other dishes can go around them."

I hear his inhale, feel the slap on my back, feel my eyebrows lower, and I hear him say, "That's what I'm saying man! Let's get all Super Saiyan on this shit! We can do this!" I look over at him, see that smile, I exhale, and say, "You're still watching that cartoon?" I see him shrug his shoulders and he says, "My bro's girl got my girl into that shit and we all watching it on Saturday nights when the girls stay over. It's an alright show."

I shake my head, can't help but smirk at his idiotism sometimes, and look back up, seeing those hips now walking down the hallway, feeling that energy she doesn't have to know she gives me with her presence, the energy I feel right now to reorganize this storage room to make more room for that food, go out there to help even if it means standing next to those birds, clean up afterwards, and then go home to have her sit over my legs on my bed, letting me feel that ass next to my leg, while I continue enjoying a week off from school for a holiday I do not agree with. I feel my smirk get bigger, knowing I enjoy things today, regardless of who that family is, those thoughts, that dark place, see those greens look up at me, and see that blush cover that nose. She's sitting on my lap tonight.

I feel that slap on my back, see her giggle from here, feeling my eyebrows lower, and say, "Caes." I hear that cackle, shake my head, and hear him say, "Just remember brother, don't try to figure all that shit out today. Just fucken be happy." I inhale, knowing he's right again, even if I am, right now, trying to decipher, understand, the difference between happiness and contentment, what kind of person I am, if I will ever truly feel disconnected from that family, what, if anything, I deserve, and hear him say, "And stop fucken worrying about any of that shit, cuz we don't talk about it, deal with that shit, unless that shit or some fucken Darth Vader is in front of us and we gotta handle, cuz unless it's fucken here, it don't matter."

I exhale, see her say something like, 'Yes sir, Mr. Willis, Huey and me, handle anything,' remember that's what she said the night before she met my parents, and know she doesn't have to know she's also right about that. I inhale and say, "Let's go Caes." I feel him next to me, as I walk towards those hips, knowing what I want is to meet her halfway, and I can deal with the rest when it's in front of me, and if I can make it happen, holding those hips.

* * *

I hear that voice say, "Really, I'm okay with it because I'm there to volunteer and be nice and helpful to the residents and if I can be nice to another person there, taking them their coffee or tea the way I know they like it, like I do with some of the residents already, I'll try." I exhale and feel that heart on my stomach, knowing the day is over and she's drawing. She must not be worried. I grab the control, change the channel from CNN, which was as informative as it always is, back to local news, place the control back on the nightstand, remember that second cup she made that's on the nightstand is empty, and hear her say, "I just told him no payment and no contract." I feel my smirk, lean back on the headboard, bringing in those hips, and exhale, remembering I also wanted to ask, and say, "And that girl?"

I feel that star on my stomach and hear her say, "She wasn't that bad bestie, just rude, again." I exhale, knowing that's good enough, hear those news anchors interrupting each other with their opinion on the upcoming elections, and I say, "Long as I didn't have to deal with that problem."

I hear that giggle, look down at that hair she no longer has in that braid and I can feel on my arm, feel my smirk again, and hear her say, "She's not a problem bestie. She's just, you know, maybe lost a little." I exhale. That unrealistic optimism. I look back up at the news report, listening to those idiots, and know the only way for me to know what is really happening is to research on my own and possibly not waste my time on watching these reports as much.

I hear that voice say, "Did you have fun today?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "You consider that fun Jazmine?" I hear her say, "I do, hanging out with friends and then coming home to be with everyone at home, but I know you consider fun helping people, doing those things that help other people be happy."

I exhale, know her unrealistic optimism has no limit, and say, "I work there Jazmine. I had to be there. And I hardly think giving people food for one day made them anything close to happy, possibly gave them one less stress to worry about, but nothing more." I hear that exhale, feel her stop drawing on my stomach, look down, and hear her say in that whiny voice, "You don't see it Huey. You were there because you wanted to be there and you knew Frank was gonna be there and he could help Mr. Willis. And I know Mr. Willis told you you didn't have to be there."

I feel both eyebrows rise and say, "How did," and hear her say, "It's Mr. Willis!" I feel that head move, and see her sit up, looking at the news report. I look up at the screen and see Mr. Willis. I exhale seeing him in that seat, next to Frank and Ed Wuncler, at the shelter earlier today. I still have some of that material I used to replace the cushion on Grandad's recliner.

I hear the news anchor say, "And there you have it, today at the downtown Woodcrest shelter, where between a handful of volunteers under the extraordinary leadership of Mr. James Willis, who has been helping the homeless and anyone needing a place to stay for the night for over fifty years, fed almost six hundred people today on Thanksgiving day." At least he's getting the recognition he deserves. I hear that voice next to me say, "He looks so happy bestie." I hear another anchor say, "And of course we must recognize the contribution Mr. Ed Wuncler gave today with over one third of the food donated, along with of course other organizations, churches, and good Samaritans." I exhale, knowing those reporters hardly ever look at the numbers, facts, spreadsheets of any kind.

I hear that voice say, "It was nice of Mr. Wuncler but it was more like a quarter of the turkeys and some side dishes." I inhale, feel her lay back down on my chest, letting me continue holding those hips, and I say, "And how do you know that and the fact that I did not actually have to be there today?"

I feel that circle on my stomach, feel my exhale with it, and focus on the news report, going back to the upcoming elections, the candidates and their opinions on the state of the economy, those debates that have been nothing but a circus of idiots that do not know the difference between socialism and Marxism and the importance of unions, something I was able explain to a teenager working at a theater on the worse day of her life. That day I noticed the color of those lips the first time. Those lips that said I did not have to be there today.

I inhale and say, "Jazmine." I hear that exhale, feel her head move on my chest as I see pictures of the shelter today and some of those kids, and luckily, only a few of her and her friends. I hear that voice say, "Remember bestie I helped bringing in the turkeys at the beginning and counted them to make sure we knew when we were gonna run out and then told Caes and Hiro so they could keep reminding you because I knew you were gonna not feel okay and were going to be doing a lot of other things so you might forget how many we had."

I exhale, squeeze that hip, hear her giggle, and say, "And how did you know I did not have to be there today?" I hear that voice say, "Frank was talking to us for a little and he said it was nice that you came even though Mr. Willis told you that you didn't have to be there because he wanted you to have a week off of school and work. I told him that we volunteer every year and this year it was gonna be even better because our friends were helping to so I knew you would want to be there. Then Frank said that that was really nice of us and specially you because you bestie, you were not gonna get paid for today because you weren't supposed to be there and." I close my eyes, exhale the annoyance through my nose, feel those hips moving out of my hand, that small hand move my left hand over, feel that place next to me move down with some weight, open my eyes, and see that smile. I see those lips move and she says, "And Frank said that if it wasn't for you being there Mr. Willis was gonna have to hire someone to help setting up everything and telling the volunteers what to do because Ms. Mary used to do all of that."

I exhale again, see her giggle, and move up, finally tasting those lips. I hear her inhale, taste that tea on those lips, and start wondering the difference between contentment and happiness again and whether there's even a damn difference.

I move back, knowing we can't go any further, see those eyes open, remembering it's only at these times that I speak this much about anything, ask these specific questions that do not have to do with my focus, and ask, "What did I say about calling me that and why was that even necessary?"

I see those eyes blink, open enough I can see the entire circular green, see her smile with that tint on that nose, and she says, "Do I need to start covering my mouth when I talk so you don't lip read everything I say about you?" I feel my eyebrow rise. How much does she still talk about me? And why the hell is my face getting warm? I see her giggle, exhale, and say, "Jazmine."

I feel those lips, remembering she's faster now than she used to be, feel her move away, and she says, "His name is Mr. Lawrence and he said he remembered me because he was one of the people that Mr. Wuncler hired to bring the stuff they used to set up my lemonade stand." I exhale, deeper this time, see her smile, and she says, "Yes I know bestie. When you saved me from child labor. Now." She stops, inhales, and says, "We were talking about that and then he asked me how my lemonade stand ended up on fire." I feel my smirk, see that small one appear on those lips, and she says, "So I told him how my best friend showed up with a bunch of people to protest child labor being used at my stand and how of course Mr. Wuncler had no idea about child labor being used there." I see that smile, shake my head, and she says, "And then he told me he didn't know another girl that at ten years old had such a big business." I see that smile again, that tint expand, know there are many reasons I took down those pictures from that costume party, but one of them is she doesn't like exposure as much as that imbecile did, along with unwarranted flirtation, and has not been comfortable with people asking about her accomplishments for years now. I exhale. I've known her for years and aside from that unrealistic optimism and naivete she had as a girl, she doesn't annoy me. I inhale. Shit. And, she doesn't see or possibly can't see how many of those idiots, males and females, look at her at school and outside of school, regardless of those online pictures from that costume party and now those pictures from the event today.

I exhale, remember where we are, put my hand on that hip, see her inhale, and I say, "And how does that have anything to do with you needing to call me that?" I'm starting to feel this is a pointless conversation because it won't lead to anything beneficial to my goals, but I don't lie to myself, I like to hear her talk.

I see her smile and she says, "Well after that he said that I had to be really capable to run a lemonade stand by myself and I'm probably even more now that I'm older and." I see her stop, see her look away, and see her inhale. I squeeze that hip and she says, "He wanted to introduce me to his son who he said needed a capable girl that would make him stop being so lazy and." I inhale, feel that warm hand on top of the one that's holding that hip, and she says, "I would probably help him get better grades in his classes and he might want to get a job to take out such." I see her exhale, see those eyes focus on that pillow, and she says, "A pretty girl." I exhale. You're not just pretty.

I see her look back at me with those focused eyes and she says, "I know he was trying to be nice telling me all that stuff but I don't like men, specially his age, telling me I'm a pretty girl and that's when I stopped him, thanked him for that, and told him I have a boyfriend. Then." I see her exhale and she says, "He asked me about my boyfriend and I told him the truth."

I exhale, feeling my temperature at the normal degree, and I say, without thinking, "Why don't you like." I stop, inhale, know this is a pointless question, I should be checking my emails even though more than likely because it's a holiday I won't have any replies, see that smile, and she says, "I don't like it because it feels weird that a man that could be my dad's." I inhale, feel that hand squeeze mine, and she says, "His age even sees what I look like and." I see her exhale and she says, "I know you've seen other girls, prettier girls and." I feel my mouth open, confused yet again, and she says, "As long as I'm pretty enough for you then I'm okay with how I look and I don't need people telling me I'm pretty."

I see that smile and before I can tell her there is no logic in that Jazmine head, I see her move in, feel that kiss on my top lip, close my mouth, and taste that tea on those lips again. I close my eyes, know what I want but it's not Saturday. It's not Saturday. Control it Huey. Control it. I inhale and push those hips away.

I exhale, open my eyes, see that confused look on that face, and I say, "Jazmine." I see that small smile, see her nod, and she says, "Sorry bestie. I know. Saturday night. It's just." I see her exhale and she says, "I'm really happy with today. Everything was really nice and we got to meet some really cool kids and spent time with our friends and then came home to spend time with mom, my sister, Riley, Grandad, Leo and the guys and even Ms. Lola. It can't get any better." Yes it can. You could sleep over. I close my eyes. When did I start being optimistic? She's getting to me.

I open my eyes, see that smile, wonder if that god has been laughing at my expense most of the day, and has made it so she somehow knows what I was just thinking. I see that tint and I hear her whisper, "Saturday night's almost here okay." I exhale, feel those hips I'm still holding, and wonder if she can stay late tonight before I walk her home. I'll have to ask Sarah. I exhale. She'll be alone tonight if her sister and her don't sleep at their house. She's already been home alone for half an hour. And that imbecile is still hiding somewhere in Woodcrest. And regardless of the alarm system, the cameras, the fact that she'll be across the street, that Jazmine head will still worry. I inhale, know what needs to be done, regardless of what I want, and I say, "I should walk you home."

I see her nod, feel that hand leave my own, and, trying to focus on anything but pulling her back down, I look up at the screen, and see an anchor say, "And just look at all those wonderful volunteers today. To think there are still such young people out there willing to take hours out of their vacation from school to volunteer at a shelter." I inhale, feeling that ass sit next to my leg, watching the news with me, and see another anchor say, "Some good looking young people there to if I do say so myself." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, feel that warm hand on my leg, and see the other anchor say, "Bret you do know most of those volunteers are teenagers right?" I inhale, knowing this is the only news report that goes over local news for this city, and will have to continue fact checking what they report. I see that idiot anchor say, "Well, we're not sure how old they are and I'm just stating the obvious, especially those volunteers serving those side dishes and those deserts." Fucken idiot. Now I'm going to have to include another letter about these idiots they hire as anchors within my monthly letters to the governor's office when I write about releasing Shabazz based on the fact that he's innocent. I feel that squeeze on my leg and exhale.

I hear another anchor say, "Well what matters is that those volunteers were there." I see the screen go over to the weather reporter, possibly trying to save her coworker from being more of an idiot, and she says, "What matters is that so many good people were there to help today." I hear that voice next to me say, "God, that is what matters. Creepy anchor." I feel my smirk and hear that voice continue, "There were so many good people there today. Mr. Willis, Frank, all of those volunteers that stayed so they could help and didn't just drop off the food. And then all of our friends and my boyfriend." I inhale, looking at that drawer under the TV, and hear a phone vibrate.

I see those hips stand up, see her grab that small yellow phone off the small drawer, see her read the text, and I start getting up, knowing it's time. And, it's almost Saturday night. In the meantime, I have plenty of research, emails to send, and facts and dates I need to add to the last letter I started working on to send to the governor's office.

I feel that hand on my leg, look over at that hair, hear that giggle, and say, "Jazmine?" I see her turn with that smile, see her hand me that phone, and I grab it and read the text, not being able to stop my smirk.

* * *

I feel that triangle on my chest. The symbol of many organizations, secret and known ones. I haven't looked into the recent activities of the illuminati. I exhale, knowing they exists but many do not want to believe they do because they do not want to accept such an organization could have as much influence and power over the European continent as they have. What people do not understand is that there is no logical reason to not expose those activities. Maybe then, when they realize how constructed Europe's history is, how much happened because of that organization, they'll start to realize just how European-central history really is and that there are other ways to view, understand, analyze history, viewed from the perspective of other people, like Africans that have their own history, their own kings, monarchs, pharaohs that need to be analyzed as their own history, within their own contexts, and not just how that history came before or after European history, which is young compared to Africa's and Asia's history.

I exhale, wondering if she wants to visit any place outside of this country, grab that hand that was drawing on my chest, over that organ, squeeze that small hand into that fist that reminds me she can throw a proper right punch today, and I hear her say, "Thank you bestie." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Jazmine?" I feel those breasts push up, inhale, know we're both tired no matter what my body thinks it wants, and I hear her say, "Thank you for everything today. You know, for everything you did at the shelter and then letting me sleep over even though it's not Saturday."

I exhale and say, "Your mother said she would be fine so long as she could have you both tomorrow. I don't see how I let you do anything, let alone sleep over, when you were already here, and it was easier for you to stay than having us both get ready to walk you home." I inhale, knowing I could've said that differently but I'm not good with words or telling her I wanted her to stay. Damn it to hell.

I swallow, knowing this is who I am, and hear her say, "Yeah I'm happy Leo's staying over, well our pops." I hear that giggle, exhale hearing it, and hear her say, "And I saw that cute smirk on you so I think you were happy I could sleep over."

And I feel that smirk right now. Damn it and how she does any of that. I hear her say, "And it's good I'm sleeping over because I wanted to tell you something that I almost didn't have time to tell you, something I was thinking about today." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear her say, "I wanted to tell you you're a really good person Huey." I inhale, focus on the dark place in my mind, the one that's as dense as pyramids in the continent where humanity began and as wide as the Great Wall of China where technology was furthermore advance than any other place in the world for centuries. But these are facts that people do not want to acknowledge because it doesn't fit into their set ideals, like what that soft afro thinks I am.

I hear that voice say, "Your temperature went up a little. Why?" I inhale, knowing we're not having this conversation, and say, "I'm tired." I hear her whisper, "Huey, do you think you're a good person?" I inhale and say, "Jazmine, it's late."

I exhale, put my face in the pillow, inhale, and hear that voice whisper, "Well, if you don't think you are, I do, and I know you through and through." I open my eyes, focus on that dark wall, that damn dark wall, inhale, feel it rising, and say, "And what do you know Jazmine? What you saw in Chicago when I couldn't visit my parents' grave on my own, the fact that I did not leave that house for anything outside of what was necessary because I didn't want to see any of them or might have killed them, the fact that I acted like them, only leaving to the outside world when I needed it, when it was in my best interest, not anyone else's, that I'm just as pessimistic and fucked up like all of them and it will never change, never," and stop, feeling that hand slide out of mine and those breasts move away. I close my eyes. Fuck. Why? Why do I do this to her? I exhale, know this is how it will always be and I was right, I was right. Solitude was, and stop, feeling that pull on my shoulder, my back on the bed, see those greens over me, and feel that warm leg go over me.

I inhale and close my eyes, feeling her over my thighs, being reminded of last week too damn much. I exhale and say, feeling the shaking, "I can't do this right now Jazmine. I'll walk you home." I feel those hands on my face, over my cheeks, and hear her say, "Huey open your eyes." I inhale, knowing I'm not a coward. Then open your fucken eyes. Open them. But, I feel that 'feeling' again I've felt with her too many times. Too many. That feeling of guilt.

I smell that breath, swallow, and hear that voice whisper over my face, "Huey, I know you through and through. I know you're AB-negative blood type even though I don't really know how that works, I know your left foot is a little bigger than your right foot, same with your left hand, I know you were a Black Belt ninja when you turned ten, before you even moved here, and now you're probably the best fighter in this whole state, I know you're braver than whatever's going on in your head, and I know if you let me, please, please, I can help."

I feel the shacking, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, and hear that voice say, "I know who your grandad is, who your little brother is, where your humor and stance comes from and where your good looks come from now for sure." I exhale, feeling my smirk, hear that giggle, feel that kiss, and wonder when she became so stubborn.

I open my eyes, see those greens, and that smile illuminated by the moonlight. I exhale, knowing she's right but her unrealistic optimism has no bounds. I see that smirk, know she won, and say the truth, "I like nothing halfway and when did you become so stubborn?"

I see that smile in this dark room and I hear her say, "I'm not stubborn, I'm just Jazzy."

I inhale, remembering today's events, how much some of those events did matter some, how much some did not matter at all, and how much more important other things are. And what she did today just being Jazmine. I exhale, know it's been more than half a minute, she's fidgeted some, but hasn't tried to get off of me, she's looking down at my stomach, and drawing like she always does. She's waited, giving me the opportunity to gather my thoughts, like she did when she would go home after I made her cry and would come back the next day with that big hair and big eyes so I could fix it all. Never with the insult, just a hug. Just giving me a day to think things through, analyze them, and then coming back with that hug.

I exhale and say, "There were some." I stop, trying to find the right words, see those eyes look up at me, and I say, "Things I thought about today and I lashed out at the wrong person but I'm fine." I see those eyes focus, know the question, berating myself for letting her get that close, and I hear her say, "Why did you think about bad things at a place like the shelter and what did you think about?" I inhale, know I could grab those thighs, put her over my shoulder and carry her to her house so I can end this conversation, but instead I do nothing, because that's as close as I can get to asking for what I need.

She gives me those seven seconds, I see her exhale, and hear her say, "Okay. I won't push you, but why did you think about those things?" I exhale, see those full lips purse, see that optimism in those eyes, and hear her say, "Okay, let's start with facts. We all went to the shelter, it was a good day, we helped everyone eat at least two plates of food because of Riley's smartness." I see her stop, feel my smirk at her description of my brother's ability to coordinate the amount of servings everyone would get, see those greens look up behind me at the wall, and hear her say, "And I know Caes and Hiro helped so you wouldn't get sick and then you had help with the cleaning and." I see her stop, look down, and I exhale.

I see those eyes focus and she says, "Wait. When I was talking to Mr. Lawrence I saw Cairo come out." I see her eyes open and she says, "What did that jerk say to you!" I inhale and say, "Jazmine." I see her put that hand over her mouth, hear her start to apologize, and I say, "Hand over mouth, can't understand." I see her move that hand away, see those dark pink lips pursed, hear her exhale, and she says, "Sorry. But what did that jerk say?"

I exhale, know I'm tired, tired from today, tired from that family that asshole doesn't have to remind me of to feel the weight of their bloody trail, the weight that I want to discard one day, want to, but wanting something is completely different from what's possible. I feel those hands on my cheeks, exhale longer, put my hands on those thighs, know there's no better feeling of my hands there because I'm selfish and touching her, touching her where no one ever has, as chauvinistic as that is, makes me feel clean. But even, as insignificant as they should be, those hugs, the hands on my face right now, and that hope I see in those eyes makes me feel not only clean but like I'm not supposed to just dissect the world, tell them it's wrong and they're all wrong, I'm supposed to do more. And, as much as she knows, she doesn't know I don't want to fight it all by myself anymore. I haven't wanted to for some time, which is why I opened that door for her and let her in. And, if I want her to continue by my side, I have to start with the entire truth, as stupid as it sounds. She deserves that consideration.

I exhale, focus on those lips, and say, "He said the truth. He reminded me that I was an idiot as a kid by trusting him, telling him about that family, that I will forever be connected to them at least by blood and the moment I turn eighteen I will be eligible to receive that money that's tainted with blood and people's lives." I hear her inhale, move my hands over those thighs, and I hear her say, "They won't look for you right?" I exhale and say, "No." I see her exhale, feel my smirk, and I say, "It would be detrimental to them if they looked for me seeing as they want to keep that wealth and I could fight them for it."

I see that face come back down, feel those lips on me, exhale knowing she's fine, kiss her back, feel her move away, and she says, "Good." I feel my smirk, shake my head, and I hear her say, "But that jerk's wrong about everything else."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "How, if it's logical?" I see that smile, feel those hands leave my face, feel them go over my hands on top of those thighs, those fingers go between my own, and she says, "Because Huey, trusting someone when we're kids is what we're supposed to do, it's not an." I hear that exhale, see her look away, shake my head, and hear her say, "An idiot thing to do." I see those eyes look back at me and she says, "We trust people, specially when we're kids and you told him stuff because you needed to talk about it or knowing you, you might've exploded." I feel my other eyebrow rise, trying to focus on the conversation and not on the warmth I feel knowing she knew that, and I say, "Regardless of my emotional instability, I should've seen him as some other idiot I knew at that school instead of telling him about that family and then he." I inhale and know I was an idiot even if I do not care who knows. I see those greens blink and she says, "Bestie, you trusted someone, who I think is a jerk, and what were you gonna say that he did?"

I exhale, look away, feel that hand leave mine, feel it on my cheek, feel her turn my face to her, see her lean down, focus on that precise green, and she whispers, "Don't close up Huey. I'm not going anywhere no matter what you tell me so please, tell me what he did."

I'm tired, but I'm tired of idiots, not her. I exhale and say, "He used it to make me seem like the enemy to those other kids at that school because I was different, I was not like them because of money that I've never touched, and that way they could feel sorry for that idiot and follow him out of having a common enemy who was no longer there because I had done what some blacks want to hate other blacks for, moving out of the neighborhood because they made it big, regardless of how they made it out, and were now better than their old neighborhood." I exhale, know there's some truth to blacks moving to whiter neighborhoods when they can afford it but what people do not understand is that it usually has to do with wanting to get away from the violence, the drugs, and then, when it's possible for them, coming back to invest in that neighborhood, either through purchasing property or investing in more significant ways, like going into politics and trying to change the system from the inside.

I see her inhale and she says, "He doesn't know you, none of that makes sense because it's you, and he's just really dumb." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her sit up and look away, and hear her say, "And I wanted to say I'm sorry Huey." I feel confused, exhale, and say, "I just lashed out at you, you're trying to help rather than getting away from me because that somehow makes sense in that Jazmine head, and now you're apologizing."

I see her exhale, see her look back at me, and she says, "When we were serving, Ashley told Mimi and me that it was after Ms. Reed asked us to share in class what we were doing for our Thanksgiving vacation that that jerk started talking about volunteering." I exhale, see her look down, and away. Shit.

I feel her start standing, hold those thighs down, and she says, "I should go. It was my fault that all of that happened today, just know that whatever that jerk said wasn't true and I'll slap him on Monday for you." I feel my eyebrow rise and without thinking, I sit up, taste those lips, push in, taste that tongue, feel those hands in my hair, and hear her say, "I'm sorry Huey." I exhale, kiss her, pull back, holding that waist, and say, "He's not touching you. You ever do anything it will be a drop kick with your right foot."

I see that smile, smell that breath, and she says, "You're not mad at me?" I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and say, "You were asked a question in class, answered it, probably made some of those idiot kids aware that there is a shelter in downtown, and that fucken idiot showed up and had to clean tables. How is any of that your fault and furthermore how is there any logic in me being mad for any of it?" I see that smile, feel those legs encircle me, swallow, and she says, "Well, I guess you're right and it might not be my fault and I can't feel your temperature going up so I don't think you're mad, but." I see her lick those lips, I exhale, and she says, "Knowing whatever dumb things he said aren't true, how much you helped at the shelter, how much I know and everyone that cares about you knows you don't want anything to do with that family, how you just made me feel better about that jerk showing up not being my fault, how much you really help, how much you help Grandad, Mr. Willis, Aunt Cookie, my mom and sister, everyone and anyone that ever needs help, how do you not see how much of a good person you are Huey?"

I inhale, see that stone shine, know she wore it under that sweater today, know she makes sure to wear it on what she deems are special occasions, green signifies purity from contamination, purity by some definitions includes truth, what actually is, honesty, and know I want to be honest, even if I understand what I am, what I will always be, and I say, "I don't believe in souls." I look back up at that face, see that fine eyebrow rise, see that smile, and she says, "And holidays and that the government wants to help anyone, specially people of color or people with no money. So? It's kind of true." I exhale and say, "And even if I did believe in souls, I am not one of those people that's." I stop, exhale, and say, "Good for them." I continue before I stop and take this to my grave as one of those things I should have done, like not making her cry as much, and I say, "I'm selfish in many respects, including in how much I take, from you." I see that mouth open and say, "I'm not done Jazmine." I see it close, I exhale, and say, "No matter how you see it, I do take from you, in ways you don't understand, and you." I stop, inhale, and say, "Continue to let me take." I exhale and say, "There are things you do that." I stop, inhale, and say, "Distance me from them." I see those eyes blink, see them water, inhale, and I say, "But I do not give back that same amount. I do not fill." I exhale and say, "I might be useful to others, but I do take from you, at least in that regard, and it's not your responsibility to give me as much as you do." I exhale, look down at that stone, know purity, and say, "Whatever you think is a good person does not include the characteristic of being selfish, taking, and then lashing out when I." I exhale and say, "Lose the control I must always have. I take from you, do not give the same amount in return, have made you cry more than smile, and so, I am not what your definition is of a good person."

I exhale, feel those hands come down to my shoulders, kneading them, feel myself relax, see that smile, and I hear her say, "You make me feel beautiful." I inhale and she says, "You make me feel smart and capable." I exhale and hear her say, "You make me feel like there's nothing in this world I can't do and one day we will save all the horses." I exhale longer, remembering that lemonade stand, how I treated her, and she says, "You make me feel like any time I ever cried." I inhale and hear her say, "And you weren't around because you didn't know I was crying, I wasn't growing up, I was just staying still, waiting for something to change." I hug that waist, know it belongs to me, feeling those legs tighten around my hips, those small feet on my back, and she says, "You make me feel like I was always the most special person to you because you never missed school when we were in middle school, so you could protect me, never missed once." I inhale. Shit. I see that smile and hear her say, "And, I know you were talking to other girls." I exhale. Crap. I see her smirk and she says, "And you still let me hug you every morning knowing I needed those hugs but not knowing how much I really needed them." I inhale, feel her scoot up, exhale, trying to relax, see those lips close enough I can kiss them again, but I like to hear her talk, and hear her say, "And that's all the stuff you did when we were kids, in middle school, and last year. And then you and Riley trained us this year, made us really strong." We made you stronger. I see that smile and she says, "And now, you make me feel like the most special girl ever, letting me meet your family, your mom and dad, telling every guy that's ever tried anything with me that I'm your girlfriend because I am." I bring her in, feel my hardness on that stomach, and hear her say, "And I know you Huey. You don't say things just because. You say things when you mean them. So I believe everything you said right now about me making you feel different, even if you never tell me what different means, because you don't lie Huey. So." I exhale, know I want to kiss her, and she says, "Because of all those things, because of how you make me feel, because of the person you are, the honest, strong, brave guy you are, and because I know you through and through, I know you're a good person." I look down at those lips and hear her say, "And I believe in souls and you fill mine with happiness, first as my best friend, and now as my boyfriend."

I push down on those lips, taste that tongue, and hear myself say, "Different means clean." I inhale, feel that hand on my head sticking out of my shorts, pull back, see those eyes, that smirk, swallow feeling nervous for no apparent reason, and she says, "I make you feel clean?"

I nod, see her lick those lips, feel myself start to precum. Fuck. I see her look down and I focus on that forehead instead of thinking about that afro lowering itself every time she has, feel her put that hand around my penis, and I inhale. I see her look up at me with that focused look and she says, "But you already taste clean." Fuck. I close my eyes, lowering my head, trying to breathe the insignificant amount of air in this room, feel those legs move away from my back, feel that ass sit up, that hand that's still on my shoulder push me back, and I open my eyes. I see her looking at me and she says, "Lay down Huey because after talking about how much of a good person you are and how clean you really are, I want to be selfish and taste you."

Shit. I exhale, feel that hand leave my penis, those two hands on my shoulders push me back, and I lay down.

I feel that pull of my shorts, inhale, lift my lower body, feel the coolness of the room, look down, see that afro pulled back, knowing she is that much faster and put that hairband on in a matter of seconds, and see that hair lower itself over me. She's not using her hand. What is she? I feel that tongue lick the head of my penis.

Shit. I feel my eyes close, lay my head back down on the pillow, hear myself say that name, feel that tongue lick one side of my penis to the other side, feel my eyes go into the back of my head, feel that hand encircle my base, know this is going to end fast, and know she doesn't care. She just wants to taste me because I taste clean to her and we still have Saturday night. I exhale, feel that hand go up from my base to my head, know this is not a dream, feel that hand slide down, feel myself jerk, breathe, and feel that tongue go from my left ball to my right one. Fuck. I feel my toes curl as they do when it's her and not just me imagining her, hear myself say, "Jazzy, I'm not going to last if," feel that warm breath on my head and hear her say, "I want it all Huey." I feel that hand slide down, not knowing how many times she's slid that saliva and mixture of my precum down and up my penis, hear her say, "I want the moon," feel that tongue go over my head again, feel my hands turn into fists holding onto the bedsheets, hear her say, "I want the stars," feel that tongue on my base, feel it go up my penis, feel my eyeballs in the back of my head, know I'm being loud, but I couldn't give two shits as long as it's her, hear her say, "I want all of you," feel that mouth cover my head and that tongue go around it, and hear myself say it again, like I do whenever she does this, even though I do not believe in god, but I believe, if I trust her, I could be a good person.

* * *

I feel that face move on my back, feel myself going into that dark place, and I hear her say, "Bestie before you go to sleep can you do me big, big favor." I exhale and say, "Mmm?" I hear her exhale, feel those breasts move up, remember I'm tired, and I hear her say, "Can you tell me you believe me?" I feel my eyes open, see my dark room, and say, "Jazmine?" I hear her exhale and hear her say in that whiny voice, "Tell me you believe me that you're a good person Huey Freeman." I exhale, know I'm not a coward, just an idiot at times, thinking I cannot do something because of outside factors, people, that will never mean a thing to me. I squeeze that small fist, move it behind me, feel her inhale, let go of that fist, turn around, see those greens, open and wide, push her shoulder down on the bed, exhale all of the air from my lungs, bring my head back down to the pillow, seeing that face and those greens watching me, put my arm over that chest, around those shoulders, bring her in, and hear her stop breathing.

I exhale, gather my thoughts, the ones that seem logical enough, and say, "I." I inhale and continue, "Do not believe many things you do, but I believe what you believe is true enough for you and." I exhale and say, "You are the most aware girl I know so possibly." I inhale, looking at those particles in front of her face in the morning air, the ones that exists and need to exists in order for humans to exists, in order to have these conversations not only about sex but about good and bad people, and I say, "You could be right about your assumption that I'm a good person and I trust you." I inhale, knowing I do not lie because lying is for the weak, is used by the ones that do not want to hear the truth, the ones that do not want to know we are going to die alone and people do not belong to each other, feel my inhale, pull her in more, feeling that slim back on my chest, that ass over me, close my eyes, knowing I'm tired, and I hear her say in that voice that's too fast for a person with normal hearing to catch, "Good enough for now and I have time to help you see it bestie. And I trust you to. Night bestie, slash, warm brain, slash, boyfriend, slash, best good person in the world."

I hear my laugh, hear her inhale, and squeeze her, knowing this is what I want, and it's possible I deserve it not only because I want it but because I'm a good person. That or this hair that smells like strawberries is transmitting that unrealistic optimism and compounding with today's tiredness producing delusionary effects. I feel that small hand over my hand that's holding her shoulder, that ass go further into me and know she's right and we have time, we still have Saturday night before we have to return to that institution, and we still have Sunday to guarantee she can perform that drop kick as well as she did two weeks ago. She doesn't have to know I also like watching her perform that drop kick because I get a perfect view of that ass, even if she thinks I'm a good person.

* * *

Hi everyone,

I've been thinking "I ain't trying to dick-ride" for a week now cuz I just re-watched the Thugnificent episode where he shows up the first time and I just loved Riley in it. I also remember not liking that episode very much but damn was it funny AF this time.

But back to the story. So yes, I hope you all liked this last chapter. Um, I know I did.

And really, I want to say I'm truly happy for all the people that read this story. I don't know if I ever said this, but this story started when I had this really vivid dream of Huey and Jazzy on the bus going to the grocery store and then these two guys getting on the bus. I remember in my dream Huey reacted like he wanted to change the world, then I woke up and I was like "Homie now you know Huey would not be like that" and then I was like "So how would he really react?" Then I talked to a few other authors about me wanting to start a story and they all of course told me to go for it, and here we are.

Okay, don't know why I went into that. Thank you all for reading. I'm in school again but already know what's going on with the characters in the next chapter, so just gotta write when I'm done with my studies and them other 'adult' things I gotta do. But I will be writing on the weekends and when I need a break from studying and working.

I hope you all tell me how you're liking it, because lowkey, those comments make me want to write more.

Thank you,

Bulma's Ego.


	33. Pretty and Beautiful

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Those events are something special and you feel special when you can be part of them. I get inspired to do more of these kinds of things to and I hope more people want to do them. But thank you for saying everything you said.

ThickBlackGirl: Girl, the struggle with school is real. LOL. For reals. And these two are probably going to continue getting freaky. I mean they're bound to right? LOL. Thank you for commenting. Thank you, thank you.

dannyphantomlover7: Oh my god, so yes, that part took me a minute to. I was like, okay, "Just cuz you don't like this character don't mean you gotta be mean about it either, just try your best." Yeah and then there it was. Thank you for getting through that paragraph with me. And thank you for continuing to read.

WARNING: Look ya'll. I'm going to stop warning you. It just is what it is. I will up to the rating soon, but things are happening. I mean we're all semi adults here and if you see things are happening between the characters, just skip down to the end of the scene. I promise, when things happen, they end with the scene. So yeah. Either way, I hope you all enjoy.

CHAPTER 33:

I inhale. I can't drop kick him if he doesn't do anything. I hear her voice say, "Jazzy?" I smile, lean into her, moving his journal over, and grabbing the bag. I feel her hands on my other shoulder hugging me and I laugh.

I exhale and say, "I know Mimi's, don't think about it, just be happy." I feel that kiss on my head, feel my smile get bigger, and hear a warm voice say, "Can I get one of those?" I start laughing again, feeling her let go of me, and I close the locker. I hear their cute kiss and turn around and see Caesar with his arm over her shoulders.

I see that big handsome smile, walk up to Ming, start walking next to her, and hear that voice say, "Hey tiny one, other side." I exhale, roll my eyes, and go onto his side, walking next to the lockers. I hear Ming giggle on his other side, making me smile, and I say, "I know but you guys are such worrywarts."

I hear him say, "Babe, next to Jazzy." I look up, inhale seeing him, and smell that lavender lotion next to me now. I see him look at me, swallow feeling nervous, look away, not sure why I get such a creepy feeling from him, even though I know for sure I can defend myself, and feel that warm arm go around mine.

I hear her whisper, "Don't fucken know why he's so weird. I mean he just shows whenever the fuck he feels like it or what? Not even on the same days, just whenever the fuck he decides he's gonna be creepy. Fucken least get on schedule so we can take another route those days fucken weirdo." I giggle, look forward, put my head on her shoulder, and exhale passing him.

I say, "Thanks Caes." I hear him say, "Don't worry tiny one, you both just make sure to not leave your locker 'till one of us gets there. Don't want that fucker or any other assholes thinking they can talk to you'll just cuz we can't fuck them up for looking too damn long or fucken trying to touch your hair."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Ming say, "My jealous Michael boo." I hear him exhale, hear Ming giggling, and can't help but smile. Then I hear her say, "But wouldn't have you any other way my cuddle bear." I feel my eyebrow rise again, look over at them and see Caesar blushing, smirking, and looking down. I don't think I've ever seen him blush. Oh lord and black Jesus. They're so cute. I start laughing, hear Ming laughing, and close my eyes, wanting to feel that happiness after that creepy feeling.

Then, I feel something hit my shoulder, open my eyes, and hear Ming say, "The fuck was that?" I look back and see that blonde hair and short skirt walking into the hallway. It's almost December and it's a little warm for winter at forty-five degrees like the weather reporter said this morning and I know they have the heater turned on in the school but that skirt's still really short. I exhale and wonder if her mom tells her she has to dress like that. I know she didn't finish that sentence when she was telling us that she was told she has to be with someone with money but I think she meant to say it's her mom that tells her that and maybe her mom also tells her she has to dress like that to get attention. I don't know. Maybe she likes dressing like that, but it's still cold today. And why did she bump into me?

I hear Ming say, "Jazzy you okay?" I look back at her, see those pursed glossed red lips, shrug my shoulders, and say, "Yeah. You know I don't care. Let's go." I see her exhale and she says, "You got a fucken heart of gold but she does that shit again, I'ma fuck her up." I smile at my sweet friend and say, "Okay Mimi's but don't get in trouble, so like maybe after school."

I see that smile and hear Caesar say, "Shit. Knew that report was gonna make shit harder. Damn." I see Ming turn to him, see those dreads inside the cafeteria over her head, and follow her into the cafeteria.

I inhale, getting that feeling from the last game, when we walked back into the gym after getting those waters. I look around the cafeteria and start feeling insecure with those eyes looking at us. I feel that arm around my arm again and exhale, walking in with Ming.

Then I feel myself inhale and my eyes squint. Seriously? I exhale and know I trust him. But, he's still my boyfriend, my bestie, and my warm brain. I hear her whisper, "Go Jazzy," and feel her let go of my arm, feel my backpack strap being pulled off my shoulder and that bag I was holding being pulled out of my hand. I start walking faster, see those reds looking at me, do that thing when he looks me up, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and remember what I'm doing. I look back at her, go right up to her, hear her talking, not really listening, walk around her, and sit on that lap, hearing him groan and feeling that face on my shoulder. My poor bestie. I'm going to have to apologize for that later.

I see her look at me and squint her eyes. I smile at her and say, "Hi Michelle, do you need something with my boyfriend?" I see her exhale, purse her lips, and she says, "I was just inviting everyone here," but I hear my sister's voice cut her off with, "Nah uh hoe. Your ass was here inviting ma big bro only and you fucken happen to invite our asses and your ass just had to fucken do it before ma sis got here. Dumb hoe." I inhale and feel that hand on my lower back and how warm it is.

I see her roll her eyes, not knowing they were a little greenish until now, maybe because I haven't talked to her in a while and because last year we weren't in groups together in class because she sat on the other side of class and maybe because I just never looked at her eyes. But, seeing how thin she is, how pretty her shoulder length straight dark red hair is and how it makes her smooth light skin and dark green eyes stand out, I start feeling that insecurity again. Stop it. I'm more confident than this. Right? I feel that warm strong arm around my waist and exhale, not really knowing why I feel like I needed it.

I see her raise her chin, smirk at me, feel myself move up, feel that arm holding me down, and she says, "I was just inviting Huey to a party I'm having with my friends since I know he's probably bored on the weekends when you're off saving the world." I try standing, feel that arm holding me, and hear that monotone voice say, "No." Then I feel that arm pull me back, feel my butt go over his legs, and inhale, feeling that bench under my butt. I feel my lips purse, see her smirk, and exhale, knowing it's not fair for me to force public affection on him. I look away, move my legs over and then feel that hand holding my right thigh over his leg with his hand on the inside of my leg. And I feel my whole face getting red, feeling that hand holding my leg over him, right there, where his hand was on Saturday night again. Oh Black Jesus please don't let me think about that at school.

I see her look away, annoyed I think, and I exhale, happy to hear Ming and Caesar sitting down in front of us. And, this girl, Michelle, she used to be nice to me, at least I don't remember her being mean. I just remember her being in class with me and her talking to other girls but she was never mean to me, she just didn't talk to me. And, mom's not raising us to be mean, specially to other girls, women. I inhale, and say, "Michelle." I see her look at me and I say, "Why are you even here? You never come to this table and you know he's my boyfriend." I feel that hand squeeze my leg, can't help the smile and hope my cheeks are not as red as they feel. I see her inhale, see her raise her chin, and she says, "I'm just giving him options Jazmine since you're too busy and." I see her look over at my sister and Ming and she says, "You all are too busy saving the world on Thanksgiving and making your boyfriends do that volunteer work, getting your five minutes of fame on the local news with anchors talking about what you'll look like."

Out of the corner of my eye I see my sister get up, look over at her, and know I can probably hold her down until my bestie helps me because I know Caesar's holding Ming right now, and then I exhale seeing those mocha colored arms go around her waist. I hear my sister say, "You dumb bitch! You think we wanted that shit! Ma sis, ma friends! You don't know us you stupid bitch and your ass better fucken leave befor' one of us fucks you up!" I inhale, look back at her, see her look at me, and she says, "I'm just telling you Jazmine." I see her look at Huey, see her look him up, and I stand up, feeling the table hit my legs, biting my lip to not curse, and feel those hands grab my hips, and sit me back down on his lap again.

I inhale and hear him whisper into my ear, "Calm down Jazmine." I see her eyes squint at me sitting on my boyfriend's lap, see her exhale, and she says, "I'm just telling you that after that broadcast with you and all these guys at that place where people saw how." I see her look over my head, behind me, see her lick her lips, and I remember he's not holding my hands. I sit up, swing my hand out, see her eyes open, and feel that warm hand grab my wrist. I exhale and say, "Huey let me go." I feel that warm breath on my ear, know I have to be so red right now, feel him bring my hand back down, and hear him whisper again, trying to remember when he started doing that ever, "You're making this really hard Jazmine and we're nowhere near Saturday night, so calm down." Okay. Now my face is red.

I close my eyes, exhale, trying to calm down because I can hear Caesar and Riley both trying to calm my friend and sister, open my eyes, and I say, "Michelle, we don't care. Leave before my boyfriend can't stop me from defending my friends and him from dumb girls like you." I see her inhale, see her eyes open, and she says, "Dumb! You think I'm dumb! How do you think the school sees you!"

I feel that hand on my shoulder, smell that vanilla lotion, exhale, and hear Lauren say, "Sata, the school doesn't think she's dumb because one, she has some of the highest grades and GPA at this school and two." I feel my smile and hear my sister's sweet deep voice say, "She ain't a hoe that goes to other people's tables to be a hoe. So fuck you and what you gotta say 'bout ma sis and go be a hoe with that dick the school knows you're messing with."

I see Michelle's eyes get bigger than before, see her mouth open, feel my eyebrow rise, and I hear Ming say, "Yeah, we heard hoe even though we didn't even ask cuz we don't wanna know shit like that, how you'll hooked up over the break, with her sloppy seconds. That shits nasty to, specially cuz I think they're still doing it. I mean have some self-respect. Being with his ass and then coming over here, inviting another girl's man to a party so you can probably try to hook up with him to, after you been doing that shit. Damn." I see Michelle's face get red, see her inhale, exhale, see her look back at me, squint her eyes, and she says, "Well it's not like I can even have him because everyone knows he's just waiting for you."

I feel my other eyebrow rise, feel that hand on my thigh getting warm, really warm, not remembering when he put his hand there, and feel it go up and around my waist, wondering if I'm not gonna stop getting red until lunch is over. But, I know I need to get her away from us before someone does slap her.

I exhale and say, "I don't even care what that means Michelle. I have a boyfriend. The only one I want. Don't come here again." I feel that hot arm getting back to that normal temperature, feel my smile, see her inhale, and she says, "After that broadcast there's gonna be girls after them, if they haven't told you already that girls already started trying to talk to them, because now everyone knows they're not only hot but you all wanna be out there volunteering, forcing them to do that, when they really want a girl that will take care of them."

I exhale, feeling that insecurity again, even if I'm sitting on his lap, he has his arm around my waist, whispering in my ear, and I know he likes me and I help him distance himself from that mean family. I make him feel clean. But, he's really cute. And I'm just me.

I feel that arm squeeze my waist, exhale, and then hear a voice that always makes the table laugh say, "And what 'bout that shit? Nothing new." I look over at Riley, see him holding my little sister's small waist, how fit they both are, with the big red and blue eyes, both wearing those white and dark red muscle shirts, how much of a cute couple they make, and wonder if they'll ever have kids. Okay, way out there Jazmine. Focus.

I hear Michelle say, "Exactly. You're used to it, all of you, getting asked out by girls, but now it's going to happen even more, and you'll eventually see you have options, all of you, and then." I hear her stop, seeing Riley smile and start laughing. I feel my smile, hear Caesar snickering, look over at him, and see him shaking his head, looking down, with Ming sitting on the bench next to him.

I start hearing Hiro laughing with Riley, not remembering when he got here, and look over and see him standing, holding his stomach, and notice how big his smile is. I don't think I ever noticed how big Hiro's smile is. And, I know Lauren likes him a lot and calls him her Hiro all the time now and he still whispers in her ear and makes her get super red. I feel that hand let go of my shoulder and see that pretty dark hair and perfect chocolate colored skin slide over to the edge of the bench, next to Hiro, seeing her look up at him. He protects her and makes her happy. And I think, seeing him laugh like this, I'm pretty sure I didn't see him laugh like this in Chicago, so she makes him really happy to.

I feel my smile get bigger knowing my friends are all really happy and then feel my eyebrow rise seeing Hiro put his palm up sideways, and I hear him say, "Riley, hoes at this bullshit of a fucken school." I see Riley stop laughing, see the Riley Freeman smirk, and I see him slap that hand sideways and he says, "Shit load man." Oh my Black Jesus. And I think I'm still sitting on Huey's lap. I should probably move over to the bench, but that arm is holding me. I look down, see that arm, and know I like that arm there but I do know I weigh a little. I start moving back to the bench and inhale, feeling that arm hold me tighter. Oh god, am I not going to stop getting red all lunch?

I hear Riley's voice say, "Shit. We know. Girls be dropping numbers every damn day." I hear an inhale, look over, see my sister stepping away, and see Riley put his arm around her shoulders, hear some girls curse somewhere, and I hear Riley say, "C-Murph, just one minute a'ight." I see her exhale, see those pursed lips, and hope Riley uses his smartness in the next minute.

I see Riley exhale, look back up at Michelle and he says, "And what you know 'bout the numbers they be dropping and how we gotta throw that shit in the trash befor' we walk out cuz we ain't gonna use them and at least for sure ma ass knows if my girl finds them she'll fucken kill me?" I hear the other guys say, 'Fuck yeah', feel that exhale on my back, and feel my eyes get big.

I see Riley stand up straight, wondering if both him and Huey are six feet tall now, see him bring my little sister into him, see her get red knowing she's C-Murder and doesn't like a lot of public affection, and smile at how cute she is. Then I hear Riley say, "I knows who my girl is, she's fucken C-Murder, been since I met her, and I know even if she knows to trust ma ass, she finds those numbers, she'll fucken kill those hoes." I hear the guys say, 'Yeah man', 'Facts man', feel a hand lightly slap my thigh, and I jump a little. When did Huey become so okay with public affection even if it's under the table at lunch? I have to focus on something else before I turn around and kiss him.

I look back at that girl and she says, "But you guys are guys, everyone knows you're all from Chicago, some of you even just moved here, you've been in gangs with tattoos and muscles to prove it, so why would you guys be scared of these girls, any girls?" I exhale, turn back to the table, know this is so dumb, see that book on the Black Panther Party, how cool it looks, and I grab it, and open it to the first page. _Preface, How do you fight white supremacy in the era of "color blindness?_" Interesting.

I feel that hand pull me back, exhale, trying to not get redder, feel the bench under my butt, see that red shirt with the yellow square and the Wu-Tang Clan symbol inside of that yellow box that's always reminded me of the Batman sign. Batman reminds me of Phil. I look up, see him and Lena sitting at the math club table, and inhale, seeing that guy there, talking to them. I'll talk to her later. Hopefully nothing happens because he's there.

I exhale, knowing Michelle is still here, and I need to focus before I slap her, look back at those burgundy eyes, see them looking at the book, look down at it, and feel my smile seeing he didn't change it back to the last page he was on. He wants us to read together again. But, I should stop being so clingy. I inhale, move my legs over to be under the bench, and then start getting red feeling that warm hand over my right thigh, not letting me move it, again. And why is his hand that close to my inner thigh again? Focus Jazmine. Okay, just read. I look back at the book and keep reading the next sentence.

Then I hear Michelle say, "All I'm saying is what everyone else is saying Jazmine." I exhale, looking at the book, and hear my sister say, "And ma sis don't care hoe. Leave befor' I get out of ma ride of die's hands bitch." I exhale, trying to calm down, focusing on the paragraph I'm on, and hear Michelle say, "And whatever you think you heard about me isn't true so don't believe them." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Riley's laugh. I look up, see Riley with his arm around my sister's shoulders, holding her, and remember that morning when my bestie hugged me going to sleep. Maybe they do that to, hug at night like that. I feel my heart swell. I'm so happy for us.

I see Riley look up with that smirk and he says, "We 'on't even fucken care girl. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Be a hoe, not be a hoe. Only care that it ain't C-Murph doing that shit." And I start giggling seeing my sister exhale and getting red again. And then I remember they can all handle someone like Michelle. I look back down at the book and keep reading. Then I hear Hiro say, "He's right girl. We don't fucken care what you do. And my girl knows that shit happens and I throw those numbers before leaving class not cuz I'm scared of her but I'm scared she'll find them before I throw them out and she might fuck up one of you'll and get kicked off her team. Shit, I know she can handle, one of the many fucken reasons I'm with her, and I couldn't give two shits if this fucken school or the girls here think I was in some fucken gang just cuz of my tats. You'll don't know shit 'bout me." I'm trying to focus but it's hard with my friends making me laugh and I know I'm supposed to be taking a break right now so I can focus in class later. I exhale, look up to see that cute face reading the book, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing him looking at his phone.

I get that feeling again, of acting like a little kid when I was going to touch his boombox, but I can't help it and start inching little by little to see what he's looking at. And I smile, seeing him look up Black Lives Matter in Atlanta. I didn't know it was big there. And I can see they just had a march. I want to go to a march one day. They seem so cool, so energetic. I lay my head on that shoulder and say, "That's so cool. I wanna go." I feel that squeeze on my leg and giggle.

I hear Caesar's voice say, "And I'ma try to be respectful and tell you none of us cares 'bout those numbers. Matter of fact, how 'bout you tell them girls so they stop doing that shit? It was damn too much today, like ain't you'll supposed to be in class doing shit, like learning or something, not just writing your number on papers to drop them off at our desks when we go to the damn bathroom?" I hear that exhale next to me, look over at those cute pursed lips, and wonder if I can kiss them before we go to our history class. And why does he look annoyed? I'll ask him later.

I look back down at his phone, seeing him scrolling through the events page, and hear Michelle say, "I'm sorry but I can't stop them from giving you their number Caes." I inhale, look up, and hear Lauren's voice say, "You don't call my boyfriend's brother that name sata." I exhale, see that phone he was holding being put down, and know he can't focus either.

I inhale, look at her, and say, "Michelle." I see her look at me, squint her eyes, and I say, "We were okay last year when we were in class together because I thought you were nice, so I'm gonna warn you only because of that. Leave now because Riley can only hold my sister back for so long, I'm pretty sure our Caes because we're the only ones that can call him that." I see her exhale and I say, "Yeah, our Caes is holding his girlfriend from slapping you for even thinking you can call him anything but Caesar." I see her look over at Ming, see her inhale, and I say, "And now you even made our Laurie mad, which is really hard to do unless you're just really dumb." I see her look back at me, see her open her mouth, and I say, "I'm not done and don't cut me off or my boyfriend won't be able to stop me." I see her click her tongue and hope I won't be slapping her but kind of looking forward to it, and I say, "So leave and you can tell those other girls anything you want. None of us cares. And we know they have girls that like them, we're not dumb, but they're with us, so go away and don't come back."

I see her inhale and she says, "You're only saying that because they haven't gotten tired of you all, but they will." I exhale and remember something Ashley said. And why did she shove me? I see Michelle turn, see her walk away, and I exhale.

Then, I hear Hiro's voice say, "Fuck man. You saw that shit? The fuck we gonna do?" I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him sitting next to Lauren, looking at Riley, and before I can ask I hear Lauren say, "What do you mean babe? We just have to make sure they know you have girlfriends and if they leave those phone numbers we'll just look for them and remind them."

I feel my smirk, see Hiro look down at her smirking, and I hear my sister say, "Homie you tripping, we'll just fuck them up if you let us find them numbers you trying to throw away. And you giving me those numbers Riles." I look over at my sister, see her sitting next to Riley and I see Riley with that smirk looking down at her.

I hear Ming's voice say, "Cin bear's right. What are you all talking about? We can take care of hoes or exes that try shit. Dragging their asses outta this school no matter who they are."

I exhale, feeling like we're missing something the way the guys are talking but I don't know what it is. Then I hear that monotone voice next to me say, "We'll start you two on defensive moves that require upper body strength so you can catch up to Jazmine and Cindy." I feel my eyes open, look over at him, looking at his phone, and before I can say anything I hear Caesar's voice say, "You'll don't see it cuz you ain't like those girls."

I look over at him, see him looking at Ming, see him put his arm over her shoulders, see Ming go under him, and he says, "You'll don't see that news report didn't just make those girls remember 'bout us and start with those numbers again, but this fucken school man." I exhale, not liking where this conversation is going, and I say, "I don't get it. If that news report made it so girls started." I stop, exhale, feeling my hand squeeze his hand that's on my leg, not remembering when I put it on top of his, and say, "Trying to give you guys their phone numbers, like at the beginning of the semester, what does that have to do with us? I mean it made you guys look like really good guys being there and that's probably why those girls want to." I inhale, put my fingers through his, and I say, "See you guys. It makes sense that we need to know how to fight those girls but why do you want to start Mimi and Laurie on more defense moves? Shouldn't they know more attack moves?"

I hear Riley's voice say, "You'll do 'member what that fucken anchor said right?" I look over at him, see that arm on my sister's shoulder, and remember she said they watch the news sometimes at night to. And, I just realized Huey and Riley are a lot more similar than even I know. And then I remember what that creepy anchor said, look over at Riley, and I say, "Really? But that was one creepy man saying that. Do you guys think the school is really going to act different with us just because of what some creepy anchor said, like enough that you think Mimi and Laurie need to learn more defensive instead of attack moves?"

I hear Caesar say, "Jazzy girl." I look over at him and see him looking to my right with his eyebrow raised. I see him exhale, see him look down at me, and he says, "I'ma tell you'll something but I don't need you taking offense alright? And let me finish before you get mad." I feel my eyebrow rise, nod, see him inhale, see him look around the table, see him nod at the guys one by one, almost like asking for permission, exhale, and he says, "You'll girls are really smart when it comes to a lot of shit, but you'll just can't see one thing that's real easy for lots of damn kids at this school to see."

I feel my eyebrow rise, open my mouth, see Caesar look at me, and I close my mouth and exhale, remembering he said to let him finish. I see him look down at Ming, see him purse his lips, and he says, "How do I say this shit so you'll can believe my ass?" I feel my other eyebrow rise. Okay. I don't know if I should be mad that he said we're smart but don't see something other kids at this school see and what's so hard for him to say? Then I hear that monotone voice next to me say, "You're unable to see what you look like to others." He talked twice today during lunch break. I need to put this date in my phone. I take out my phone and then blink. What?

I look over at him, see him looking at me, with those burgundy eyes, feel myself focus on those lips, remember we're in public, swallow, and whisper, "Bestie?"

I see him exhale and then hear Caesar's voice say, "Remember what I told you at the beginning of the semester 'bout why we we're gonna have to keep an eye out for those fucken assholes, Jazzy girl?" I blink looking at those lips, think about what Caesar just said, look back at him, see him sitting next to Ming, one of the prettiest girls at this school, remember the beginning of the semester, walking into the cafeteria that first day. I feel my eyes open and say, "Best-looking ones?"

I see him nod and hear Hiro say, "So it ain't just what that fucken anchor said. It's that that fucker reminded these entitled pieces a shit that you'll are the best-looking ones and now we gotta fucken deal with that and Huey's right." I look at Hiro, see him exhale, looking at Lauren, and he says, "We gotta make sure you'll can defend yourself, just in case we ain't in class with you and you don't got a chair around to throw at them." I exhale. Really?

Then I hear Riley's voice say, "And it ain't just that." I look over at him, see him looking at the ceiling and he says, quieter, reminding me of how grown up he is compared to other ninth graders, compared to us sometimes, "It's cuz of what you'll were doing there. We're guys, people gonna think we were forced to be there cuz we work there or we were doing community service or cuz you'll made us be there, cuz guys only do shit like that when they're forced to or getting paid, but you'll." I see him exhale and he says, "You girls and girls usually don't work at a place like the shelter and people gonna think you'll were there only cuz you wanned to be there, even if that shits true cuz it is. But now." I see him inhale, look down at my little sister, see his lips purse, and he says, "Them assholes ain't just gonna be looking cuz of how you'll look but now they're gonna think, they're gonna know, you'll ain't just what you look like, but more than that."

I blink, knowing something doesn't make sense, and I say, "But." I feel my lips purse and hear my sister say, "I think I knows sis." I look over at her, see her looking at Riley, and hear her say, "But there's lots of girls at this school that do shit like that, not just volunteer, but do other shit, like volunteer and got jobs and do sports and all that. We ain't special."

I hear that exhale next to me, look over at him, see him looking at his book, and wonder if he's getting annoyed with this conversation. I know he's talked twice but mostly he only talks when it has to do with big things, like stuff him and Caesar are working on with those organizations in Chicago and then the upcoming campaigns. And why do I feel like kissing his forehead when it's scrunched up like that? I see that mouth open, feel my eyes open, knowing it's the third thing he's going to say at lunch today, and he says, "It's the fact that it's the complete package. You are all aware to a good degree, if not more, of how to contribute to the world most of these kids live in and not make it worse, based alone on the fact that you do not add to the juvenile gossiping. You're also what most would consider well-rounded based of your grades, extra-curricular activities, and now having been on a news report showing what you chose to do while other kids our age were at home being mindless idiots. This leads to many of these kids now thinking you're also not one-dimensional because you won't just talk about pointless shows that will mean nothing next year, but actually have substantial interests. And with how these kids need social media, parties, and even drugs, whether that's weed, alcohol, or e-cigarettes, to keep their attention span for more than two minutes, as idiotic as they are, they are aware that they would not be bored having a conversation with you. Therefore, based on the physical qualities they find to be attractive and the fact that they now know, more so than before, that you're not clueless girls like the ones they're used to seeing, and the fact that you do not have a record at this school nearly, if even close, to many of the idiot kids here, you not only have the physical qualities and the mental capacities, but are also among the few girls at this school that come with little or no relationship issues, even if you think you do, you do not, these idiots are now." I see him inhale, see those reds focus on that book, see those lips move again, and he says, "More interested in you. And now, because of the culmination of these factors, the fact that we are in a school where there are too many idiots that believe they can have anyone they want because of who their parents are, we will not only continue training you in self-defense maneuvers but attacks where you can paralyze, at least for several minutes, any attacker, in class or outside."

I see him exhale through that cute nose still looking at that book, feel my smile, remember it's Monday, and he's my boyfriend. So, I lean in, kiss that cheek, and see that annoyed look with that tint on those Freeman cheeks. I start laughing and hear the rest of the table laughing. Oh my god.

After we all stop laughing, I grab the brown bag, take out the first sandwich with those jalapenos, unwrap it, give it to him, and feel him squeeze my leg with that first bite. I grab the next sandwich, take a bite, and then put my head on that shoulder. I think I'll kiss him before we have to go to history class.

I hear my sister say, "A'ight so just to make sure we all get this shit. I think Caes said we can't see what dumbass kids at this bs of a school can when it's 'bout." I hear her stop, look over at her, see her purse her lips with that tint on her cheeks, feel my smile remembering how she's still not good with compliments, and she says, "How we all look?" I hear Ming say, "Yeah and I think Hiro said we gotta learn how to defend and attack just in case we ain't got chairs to throw at fuckers in class right?" I smile, hear the giggles, and then hear Lauren say, "I think so and then Riley said that kids at school are not just going to look because." I hear her stop, look over, see her blushing, feeling my smile, swallow that bite of sandwich, and she says, "They think we're at least pretty but because they know we do stuff like volunteer sometimes?" I exhale and I say, "And now we're going to learn how to paralyze someone." I look around, see us girls looking at each other, smile, and start laughing.

I smile hearing them all laughing and look over at my bestie, eating that second sandwich. He must've been hungry. I put my sandwich down, bring my hand down, and put it on his jeans, hearing him exhale.

Then I hear Lauren say, "Jazzy?" I look over at her, see her looking out at the cafeteria and she says, "Do you think we can start this weekend, you know, the more self-defense training and maybe even the attack training?" I look out and inhale, feel that hand over mine on his jeans, feeling him squeeze my hand, and I say, "Sis do you think mom will be okay with just Friday this week?" I hear her inhale, know she's looking out at the cafeteria, and I hear her sweet voice say, "Yeah boo. Mom be okay if we tell her it's 'bout our training." I hear Riley's voice say, "Well we ain't leaving her alone if we do start this week. She be coming over and she can work in ma room on whatever work she got while we train you'll in the backyard."

I look back down from those eyes that were looking over here, look at Riley, see him look up from his pizza at everyone at the table, probably feeling our eyes on him, and he says, "Hey nah, that shit ain't fair. I clean ma room now." I start laughing, hearing the table laugh, and hear my sister say, "Nah uh. I'ma vouch for that shit. He does clean it." I hear that voice next to me say, "She can also stay in your house where she has her home office, will probably be more comfortable on her only day off from work, and we will take half hour turns to check on her."

I almost forgot. Tom. Tom. My father. He came back. That's why the guys want to check on her every half hour. He could hurt mom. And, he could hurt my sister. I look up at those blue eyes. I don't even know why he's here. I inhale, exhale, feel that hand move out from under my hand, wanting to tell him I need his hand right now, but I know Huey doesn't like clingy people. And I need to grow up. I need to be an adult about this for mom and my little sister. Those blue eyes looking up at Riley. Then I feel that hand go behind my back and feel it on my shoulder, bringing me into him. I smile, looking down, and hear my sister say, "Jazzy boo?" I look up, see those pretty blue eyes, see her smiling at me, and she says, "Our momma will a'ight okay?" I smile back and say, "You're right sis."

Then I hear Riley say, "You'll think he dropped the soap in the pen?" I can't help it, smile, and start laughing. I think I'll start with in the middle with 'N' on his leg. I start, hear him exhale, squeeze my shoulder, and know things always work out.

* * *

I feel us slowing down, smile, and say, "Do you still get there late?" I hear him exhale and hear him say, "It's of no consequence." I feel my smile get bigger, see we're a few steps away from the corner where he drops me off, and I say, "That's probably because you already have an A plus because it's only economics, even though those graphs confuse me, and it's almost the end of the semester. And." I hear that exhale through that nose, giggle, and say, "I'm sure Ms. Olney likes you because you're a sweet and smart student and she knows you're not late just because you want to be but because you're the best boyfriend ever."

I feel him let go of my hand, look over at him, and see that face coming down. I close my eyes, feel those lips on me, how soft they are, feel that hand on my shoulder turning me, and I remember I wanted to do this before history class but I forgot after thinking about Tom. Tom who's not proud of who he is. And, Huey is proud of who he is. He's black and he's Huey Freeman. I bring my hands up, put them in that afro, pull him down, and open his mouth with my tongue. I hear that groan, feel that hand leave my shoulder, both those hands on my waist, feel him push me back a step, hear my backpack against the lockers, taste his tongue, feeling that warm afro, and wonder how far we are from our janitor's room.

Then I hear, "You're going to be late and if you are you'll be sent to the principal's office." I feel him pull away, see him look at me, and I look back at those burgundy eyes, almost dark burgundy, and say, "Even though my boyfriend can outrun you Mr. Leon, if I find out you sent him to the principal's office when Ms. Olney lets him get to class late I promise you everything." I see those eyes look down at my lips, wonder if we can still go to that room, because we should still have a few minutes before the tardy bell rings to make it there and lock the door, and then feel my eyebrow rise knowing that janitor's room is in the main building where the principal's office is and where Mr. Leon should be until after the tardy bell rings. That's when counselors are supposed to come out and look for kids that are late to class, not before.

I exhale, look away from those burgundy eyes, turn, feeling those hands leaving my waist, look at Mr. Leon, and see him standing there, wearing that 'Wuncler High Staff' sweater. I feel my other eyebrow rise, thinking he's probably the only counselor that wears clothes with the high school logo. Even teachers and Ms. Lola don't wear them. They just wear normal professional clothes. Only the principal and vice principal wear clothes with the school logo and I think only when they have meetings with parents. But on normal days they all just wear normal work clothes. But Mr. Leon would wear that sweater because I think he cares about looking important, reminding students and even other staff that he's someone that needs to be listened to. And then I remember Ashley and all those people that care about that stuff, titles, being important, money, class, all those things. And him and Ashley's mom. I inhale, remembering Ashley shoving me, and now Mr. Leon is here, far away from the main building where he should be, probably seeing if he can catch us being late. Ashley shoved me. She's never done that. I wonder if something happened and that's why she did that. But even then, she's just a mean girl and I know Mr. Leon sided with her that one time. I feel my eyes get big. Did he side with her because he's seeing her mom? I exhale. And is he trying to get us in trouble because she's mad at me for something I don't even know about?

I inhale and say, "I hope you're not here, in this building, before the tardy bell's even rang, trying to catch us being late because someone asked you to get us in trouble Mr. Leon." I see him inhale and he says, "You're overstepping your authority Ms. Dubois." I hear his inhale next to me and I say, "I don't have authority Mr. Leon. I'm a student. A girl that's part black, part white, and part attorney." I see him inhale, raise his chin, and he says, "Are you threatening a counselor Ms. Dubois?"

I exhale, remember how quick on her feet and confident my mom is now and say, "I think when people are being rude or trying to attack an innocent person my mom calls it legal repercussions, my best friend calls it fighting against racism and oppression, and I call it telling someone if he keeps coming after my friends and family because of some dumb girl that can't get over my best friend rejecting her or coming after them just because some of them are black, I will give the principal a formal complaint, in writing, and my best friend, my mom, and my sister and friends will help me write that letter."

I see him inhale, see him suck his teeth and squint his eyes, and then I remember I don't want people like that in my life. I smile and say, "Have a nice day Mr. Leon." I turn back to those burgundy eyes, see them looking down at me, feeling my cheeks get a little warm, get on my tippy toes, kiss that chin, grab his hand, and start walking again, feeling him put his fingers through mine. I guess I'll have to kiss him after class, maybe on the way to the nursing home.

* * *

Where is she? I exhale and try to focus on what Ms. Hoffman's saying but I can't. I'm worried about her. I hear the door open, look over, and inhale seeing her red eyes. I see her put the note on Ms. Hoffman's desk, see her look up at me with a small smile, and feel like slapping that jerk already, even if I don't know if he did or said anything.

I see her inhale, see her walking to her desk, hear the whisperings, look over at the other students, and stare at some of the girls. I see them look over at me, see some of them raise their chin but some other ones look away. I exhale, knowing I don't like people looking at me like that, but I don't want them talking about her. I hear Ms. Hoffman say, "No gossiping in this class because that distracts other students and will be sufficient to grade you with a 'U' for cooperation. Do I make myself clear?" I see those girls exhale and look away. I see Lena sit down with those red eyes looking at her desk, see them water, and inhale, knowing I'm slapping someone soon.

I hear Ms. Hoffman say, "Okay everyone. Now, I want you to turn to the person behind you and check each other's answers and if either have the wrong answers, discuss the steps you took to arrive at each answer." I inhale, look up at the clock, and see it's almost time anyways. I turn around and remember Melinda didn't come today. Darn it. I hear that guy say, "Jazmine." I inhale. At least he doesn't call me 'girl' anymore. I turn around, look at my paper, and say, "I have nitration for the first answer." I hear him say, "Got that to." I nod and say, "I have O-16 and O-18 for the second." I hear him say, "Me to." I nod and say, "I have autonomic number 5 for the third one." I hear him say, "Yeah, same." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "What did you get for the fourth one?" I hear him exhale, look up, see him looking at me, and try not to remember those bruises so I don't laugh, but can't help snickering. I see him roll his eyes and he says, "Look I don't get this shit alright. I didn't get any of those answers."

I feel my lips purse, exhale, and say, "You could learn it. I can show you how I got the answers." I see him look away, nod, see him look back at me, and he says, "Alright. Show me." I roll my eyes at his rudeness and explain how I got the answers.

After explaining them, I see him nod, and he says, "Cool. Thanks." I inhale, look over at Lena, see her eyes are still red, but at least they're not watery anymore. I exhale. Good. I'll grab her after class.

I hear him say, "So Jazmine." I exhale, look back at him, and he says, "Sorry about the beginning of the semester." I feel my eyebrow rise and he says, "Look. Ming," but I cut him off with, "Don't." I see him inhale, see that niceness go away, and he says, "It isn't right." I exhale, look down at my paper, trying to focus on those questions, and I hear him say, "All I'm saying is we were together for a long time and I could still make her happy. I did." I inhale and say, "Luis, I will slap you. I will. For her I will and I don't care if I get in trouble." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Fine, just know I'm not stupid. I know I fucked up. I know I did. I just came to make it right. With her. She deserves better, better than what I did."

I exhale, look up, see him looking down, and I say, "Then let her be happy. I mean you have no say in her happiness anyways but just let her go. Don't look at our table. Don't ask me about her. She's happy." I see him look up. I inhale and I say, "And don't try calling her again." I see his eyes get big, feel my smirk, and I say, "Yeah. We all know you tried calling her old number on Saturday." You don't have to know she changed it. I look back down at my paper going over the next question, and hear him say, "She got my message?" I exhale and say, "No. Deleted it. Then gave that phone to her boyfriend who I heard used it as target practice." I hear him inhale and he says, "For real?" I think I got that answer wrong. Darn it. I look up for Lena to ask her, and hear him say, "But least I know that's still her number." I see Lena, see her looking down, I exhale, stand up, and say "Sure it is." I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Look hold on. You don't have to tell her anything, just let me tell you. I just want someone to talk to. Can't talk to anyone about this shit and it's just eating me up." I exhale, look back at him, see him looking down at my desk, and feel my lips purse. I know Huey says it's always good to know things, specially about your enemy, even though I don't like calling people that. And maybe he does just need someone to talk to.

I exhale, sit back down, and say, "Class ends in six minutes and I have to leave right away to see my friend." I see him look up and he starts, "Look, it happened. It was fucked up. I know what I did. But we only hooked up once and when I found out what Tina did I went to the hospital to see if she was alright but I couldn't see her because of what happened. They wouldn't let anyone see her because she had been attacked. So I couldn't even talk to her. Then I tried calling and she wouldn't call me back. I wanted to tell her, explain shit to her. And I didn't know Tina would do that shit. I mean she was crazy. I never wanted that to happen to Mi," but I cut him off with, "No. You don't get to say her name." I see him inhale and he says, "Fine. Her. I didn't know Tina would do that to her. And I swear we only hooked up once." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Okay, first of all." I see him exhale and I say, "You could have seen her at the hospital. Even when someone is attacked, if she tells them she's okay with seeing you, they do let you in to see them." I try not to think about when I was in the hospital but I remember my friends and family were there even though I had been attacked. I see him inhale, not saying anything, and I say, "And, if it only happened once, that you." I exhale, see him purse his lips, and I say, "Slept with that girl, why did she attack her like that? A girl would only do that if they think that guy's their boyfriend and maybe had been dating them for a while." I see him exhale and he says, "Cuz she was fucken crazy." I nod and say, "And then she shows up at your school that week my friend was in the hospital because you guys only slept together once but you weren't in a real relationship with her right?" I see him open his mouth and I cut him off with, "And then you're making out with that girl?" I see his eyes get big, shake my head, and say, "You lost big time with my friend because she's not the kind of girl to do that to anyone, cheat with someone and then go beat up that guy's girlfriend, like whoever that girl was, and seeing how you keep lying about stuff, you probably lied to her too." I see him inhale and I say, "But, even my friend wouldn't do that, go up against one girl with a bunch of other people, like that girl did. That's just pathetic." I see him look down and away and I say, "Your whole story doesn't make sense. Why would a girl you only slept with once show up to beat up your real girlfriend and then move to your school the week after that happened, unless she really thought she was your girlfriend who had been with you for a while?" I see him look up at me, open his mouth, and I cut him off with, "And it even sounds like that week that my friend was in the hospital and wasn't calling you back instead of trying to go see her you were spending that week with that girl you cheated with who was now going to your school." I see him inhale, look at me with that look, the one that he gave me at the beginning of the semester, see him smirk, and he says, "So you aren't just what you look like or stupid, doing that volunteer shit with her instead of doing things that actually matter, and you know some shit?"

I inhale, knowing I don't want to slap him just because he's being rude, grab my notebook, grab my backpack, put my backpack on my lap, and hear him say, "I'll get her before semester ends. She'll see that I'm better than that dick. That she needs me, my protection, and I can take care of her in every fucken way." I exhale, feeling myself shake thinking about him even being close to her, put my notebook in my backpack, and hear him say, "Ming needs more than a nigger."

I crack my wrist, grab my notebook, pull it out, swing, and hear the slap. I exhale, bring down my hand holding my notebook, see him inhale, see the red mark on his face, looking back at me, and see him stand up with his hands on his sides in fists, shaking. That warm brain says I shouldn't ever be looking up at someone. I stand up and hear my backpack drop.

I see him step up to me, open my hip, bring my right foot back, my right arm back bent at a thirty degree angle, and bring my left hand up and bent in front of my stomach like I did at the courts. Strong arm for attack. Not so strong arm for defense.

Then I hear Ms. Hoffman's voice say, "Jazmine." I blink, exhale, looking at that jerk, and say, "Yes Ms. Hoffman?" Never take your eyes off of jerks. I hear her say, "Why did you do that? You understand I'll have to send you to the principal's office and you'll have to explain yourself. This could even lead to being suspended for the rest of the semester." I inhale, see him smirk, and I say, "Yes Ms. Hoffman, I understand. I'll tell the principal I told him to not talk about my friend at the beginning of the semester, that he could ask me questions about the class, nothing else, he did talk about her right now, then he called my other friend the 'n' word, and I slapped him." I exhale, seeing his smirk get bigger, bring my hands down, bend down, grab my backpack, put my notebook in it, zip it up, stand up, see that dumb smirk on that jerk, turn around, and then feel a hand that has long nails and a ring grab my arm. I'm also better with little things now, not just big things like estimating spaces, but knowing what rings and nails feel like, what a guy's and girl's hand feels like, probably because of training with my friends.

I look over, see Ms. Hoffman with those big brown eyes looking at me, and she says, "I do not allow for such name calling in my classroom and seeing as the perpetrator did not even significantly try to rebuttal your claim, I believe the only person in this class that deserves to go to the principal's office is." I see her look over behind me and she says, "You Luis." I hear him inhale, feel her let go of my arm, and I turn to look at her. I see her inhale and she says, "But since the victim in this case defended herself in a manner I also do not allow in my classroom I will not be sending anyone to the principal's office today but." I see her exhale, see her purse her lips, and she says, "If this incident is repeated, I will be sending everyone involved to the principal's office and I'm sure protocol will be followed, which involves investigating how the incident began, took place, and concluded, and believe me Luis." I see her exhale and she says, "The principal also does not allow for such descriptions of any persons in this school. Do I make myself clear?"

I hear him exhale and hear her say, "Do I make myself clear Mr. Mazzucato?" I feel my eyebrows rise. She calls us all by our first name. She's just one of those teachers that does that and everyone likes her. I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Yeah."

I hear the bell ring, see her turn around, and hear her say, "Okay everyone, remember today's assignment needs to be turned in on Friday." I feel my smile, knowing I just slapped a jerk and I didn't get in trouble, hear that jerk walking away, and then see those braids walking out of class. I say, "Ms. Hoffman I'm sorry, I need to catch up to," but she cuts me off with, "I know Jazmine. Go. But know." I see her turn, see her smile at me, and she says, "Regardless of what I just said, I understand that word exists, it's a horrible word, and I do not like it said in any fashion in my classroom, and I also understand it can create certain emotions in us, especially if we're related to or have dear friends or even a spouse that happens to be black." I feel my smile seeing that Ms. Hoffman has darker skin, not completely white, and wonder if she's mix. And she said spouse. Maybe she's with someone that's black. I feel my smile getting bigger, see her smile back, and she says, "Just try to fight them, hopefully not with violence, but with how incredibly intelligent and giving you, your friends, and that boyfriend of yours, that needs to come tell me about that book on Booker T. Washington he was reading, are, okay?" I smile, exhale, and say, "Yes Ms. Hoffman. I'll remind him. And thank you." I see her smirk and she says, "Now go talk to her and make sure she's okay." I nod, turn, and run after Lena.

* * *

I see those braids, grab her shoulder, feel her jump, run in front of her and see those watery eyes. I feel my mouth open and say, "Lena," but she cuts me off inhaling and saying, "I'm fine." But I can see she's about to start crying. I look around, seeing all the other students going to their fifth period, look back at her, and know she's not going to last until after school. And she looks so small, so tiny, right now. I say, "No you're not Lena."

I grab her hand, turn to my class, start walking to the door, and hear her say, "Jazzy?" I exhale seeing Ms. Reed at the door smiling as students are walking into class. I walk up to her, see her smile at me, and I say, "Ms. Reed, is it okay if I'm late to class today? I promise I'm not going home or skipping. I'll just be late by a little bit, please?" I see her eyes open, see her look to my left, and I see her give Lena a small smile. She turns to me and says, "The first fifteen minutes we'll be reviewing material covered before the break, be in class before then, and make sure to use the backdoor okay?" I exhale, smile, nod, and know I have awesome teachers. I look back at her, see her looking down, and I let go of her hand and put my arm around her shoulders. I feel her exhale and I whisper, "Come on, we'll just talk for a little okay?" I see her nod still looking down, pull her, and start walking to the restrooms.

I smile feeling her head on my shoulder, look over at her, see her looking at her phone, and whisper, "Everything always works out okay." I see a tear go down her cheek, pull her in, and feel her arms go around my waist. I exhale, look forward, knowing we're going to bump into people if both of us aren't looking forward, and see him and Michelle walking towards us. I feel my eyebrow rise, see him look up at us, and I look away. I feel my eyes get big, looking at the restroom door at the corner, remembering what my sister and Ming said during lunch. I exhale, happy my boyfriend and friends don't treat girls, people, like that. And then I remember what that jerk said to my best friend. I inhale and know first I need to help my friend that's hugging me right now.

We reach the door, I open it, walk in with her, pull away, look at her, see her watery eyes and that tear on her cheek, give her a small smile, and say, "Let me check okay?" I see her exhale and nod. I walk to the stalls, open each one, see they're empty, turn around, and see her looking in the mirror. I feel my lips purse, walk up next to her, turn to her, and say, "What happened during lunch?"

I see her exhale and see her close her eyes, seeing the big tears coming down. I feel my eyes open, walk up to her, hug her, and say, "Lena, what happened?" I feel her shaking and hear her say, in between sobs, "We broke up." I feel my eyes get bigger, hug her tighter, and say, "Why Lena, tell me."

After a few minutes of letting her cry and finally hearing her breathing okay I pull away, grab my extra scrunchie from my pocket, grab her braids, and I hear her say in that tiny voice, "What you doing Jazzy?" I exhale and say, "I'm putting your hair up so you can wash your face okay?" I hear her exhale and see her nod.

After washing her face, drying it, and reminding her that after using those hand towels she needs to remember to put lotion on her face when she gets home if her skin's as dry as mine can get, I hear her laugh. I smile, see her smile in the mirror, and she says in that tiny voice, "Thanks Jazzy." I smile and say, "Of course, you're my friend, now, do you wanna tell me what happened?" I see her exhale, see her purse her lips, and nod.

I see her inhale and she says, "This girl he had been talking to before we started dating came to our table at the beginning of lunch." I feel my eyes open, knowing after what he said at the Halloween party that he did talk to other girls, but just can't see him talking to girls because it's Phil, no matter how good looking he is now. I see her exhale and she says in that tiny voice, "And she was pretty." I feel my mouth open and she says, "She was really freaken pretty." I exhale and say, "So are you. You're like one of the prettiest girls in this whole school Lena." I see her smirk looking at the mirror, look down, exhale, and she says, "Thanks Jazzy, and it doesn't even matter if she's prettier than me. Really, this whole thing happened because she said some really stupid things that I know aren't true and then it didn't help that she was really pretty. I mean I know it shouldn't matter but some of the things she said just kind of got to me." I see her exhale and she says, "So after she left, I was feeling really bad because of what she said, and then her being one of those stupid popular girls here, and then Marcus shows up." I see her look up at me with pursed lips and she says, "He said he was there to ask me if I was ever gonna go back to hang out at the old table. I told him I was happy sitting at the math club table with my boyfriend." I see her inhale, see her eyes water, and I say, "Lena?" I see her swallow, nod, and she says, "Then Marcus said that whenever I want to go back to be with people that are more like me, they'd be at that table." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her exhale, and she says, "Yeah. It's stupid I know because he doesn't even just mean the other black kids that hang out at that table, but the transfers. It's like some of them, Marcus to, they want to stay in that little group that's just black kids that transferred and not come out, and I mean I don't get it, the girls and I still texts and hang out at the mall on the weekends, but Marcus makes it look like I don't hang out with them ever. But." I see her stop, exhale, and she says, "It's weird because he's the only one at that table that's said anything like that. Some of the guys even come over to the math club table to try to talk to some of the girls there and they liked Ph." I see her stop, see her eyes water again, and I say, "You don't have to say his name until we figure this out okay?" I see her nod, give me a small smile, and I exhale.

I ask, "Okay, before we even talk about Marcus, what happened with that girl?" I see her exhale, see her lips purse, and she says, "She's so fucken stupid." I feel my eyebrow rise. This is the first time I've heard her curse. I see her inhale and she says, "She came up to our table and started asking him about football season coming up and then she told him she was free this weekend and she wanted to hang out." I feel my other eyebrow rise, see her exhale, see her look at the ground, and she says, "I was about to tell her she could go to hell and he was my boyfriend." I see her inhale, see that small smile, and she says, "But before I could say anything he told her he'd be hanging out with his girlfriend, me." I see her exhale, see that small smile go away, and she says, "Then that stupid bitch told him I wasn't the kind of girl that he deserved. That he needed someone that." I feel my eyes open, knowing she has to be mad, and she says, "Was at least a little fucken pretty." I inhale and say, "What?"

I see her exhale, look up at me, see that smirk, and she says, "And right before I got up to kick her ass he told her to leave before his girlfriend, who was the prettiest girl in this school, defended herself." I exhale, see her look down again, and she says, "Then she left, hopefully mad."

I exhale and say, "Okay and then what happened?" I see her look up at me with those watery eyes, know I'm going to have to hug her soon, and she says, "Well, I felt happy he said that but I still felt you know." I see her exhale with those watery eyes and she says, "Just, like she was right." I feel my mouth open, blink, and say, "Lena but why? You are seriously really pretty, at least that's what I thought the first day we met." I see her give me a small smile and she says, "I guess it's just, you know, stupid insecurities, and then it all just got really bad after that."

I nod and say, "Okay, she was really dumb, like more than I've ever known anyone, but how did it go from her saying things that aren't true to the Marcus thing to you two." I stop, seeing her eyes water and say, "Okay, we're not even gonna say it, but how did it happen?" I see her inhale, close her eyes, exhale, open those charcoal colored eyes, and she says, "It just all added up to that. I don't even know. I was just so mad and then feeling like she was right and maybe he should be with someone prettier and then stupid Marcus shows up and he reminds me that it even matters that I'm black, like it even matters, I know I'm black and I'm proud but I'm even prouder that I try so hard and I'm smart, I know it, my parents tell me when I call them. They tell me how smart I am and how proud they are that I'm so responsible, always listening to my sister, and they tell me she even tells them how much I study and how much I'm a good, a good." I see those eyes watering, see her breathing, and see her losing the battle.

I step up, put my arms around her, feel her lean her head on my shoulder, and I hear her say, "They tell me I'm smart," hear her breathe, "They tell me I'm so mature, like my sister, and," hear her sob, "I'm just like her, super responsible, and they know," hear her inhale, hug her harder, "That I'm gonna go to college after this, a big college, and that," hear her sob, feel her arms hugging me, "That I'm gonna be the first one to go to a big college and my mom tells me how," feel her shaking, "I'm really pretty to, not only smart, so why did that stupid bitch say that in front of him, like I don't already have to deal with all this stupid shit, being here, away from my old friends, my old school, my mom and dad, and all the stupid kids that look at me because I hang out with other kids, kids that aren't," I feel her hug me harder, hear her inhale, "Black and transfers, like fucken Marcus. I don't care that's Phil's white, that I'm black, that he grew up here and I didn't. My sister likes him, my friends here like him, I like him a lot, a lot, I liked him, he was, he was," I hear her lose it and hear the sobbing, and I hug her.

After a few minutes and ending up on the floor, leaning on the wall, holding her hand on my knee, I say, "You know I don't see it." I hear her say, "See what?" I exhale and say, "What's pretty and what's not." I see that perfect dark skin and smile at how the sun makes it shine a little. I hear her say, "I don't either Jazzy." I exhale and I say, "I do know that girl was more than dumb thinking you're anything but pretty and Marcus is just wrong, you can hang out with whoever makes you feel good, makes you feel happy." I hear her exhale and she says in that tiny voice, "Phil was my first boyfriend and he made me feel good, made me feel pretty."

I see her put her fingers through mine, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "And I break up with my first boyfriend because of a stupid girl that made me jealous, made me feel I wasn't as pretty as her, just because she was one of those pretty white girls that you know has money because of how she dresses, and then Marcus making me think I was doing something wrong, hanging out with people that weren't transfers and black, even if some of the kids in the math club are black, just have families that have a little money and grew up here, but they don't care, the students in that club, my friends, they don't care about any of that stuff, my old friends I still talk to from my old school, the girls and some of guys at my old table, they don't care, and they know I started hanging out at that table because of how Marcus was being saying dumb things when Phil would leave, not even saying those things to his face, probably because he knows Phil's on the football team." I see her pulling on my skin, seeing it get a little red, remembering how red I still get outside sometimes, and I hear her say, "And I like who I am, I like that my friends know I'm black and it just is, it doesn't matter to them, you know, like you. We both like being black."

I exhale, feeling my smile, and say, "I've never liked how red I get when I pull on my skin or get frustrated or I'm in the sun too long. I mean I love looking like my mom, even though people don't know she's part black to, but it's just that I confuse people, because they don't know what I am, and they treat me weird, like not talking to me because I look too white or being total racist jerks because I didn't look white to them, and all of that, it's always made me feel a little ugly." I hear her inhale, feel her move away, look over at her, see her looking at me with her dark thin eyebrow raised and she says, "How are people confused with what you are? Anyone can tell you're part black."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her exhale, smirk at me, and she says, "I only talked shit when we met because I wanted to scare you. I knew you were at least part black. I could tell." I feel my other eyebrow rise and before I can ask, she says, "A little from your hair, but then I saw your lips, and you're thick like we are." I feel my mouth open, see her laugh, and feel my smile, hearing that laugh, and remember how pretty she is.

I exhale and say, "I was jealous of you when we met." I see her stop, see that eyebrow rise again, and she says, "Why?" I see that look, like she just can't imagine why I would be jealous of her. I exhale and say, "Because you're really pretty Lena, really you are, it's not just that you're thin but still have curves, it's your skin, your eyes, it just all matches, like a pretty girl should, you know, look, and then you are completely black and." I exhale, look away, knowing I know him but I can't help the insecurities.

I hear her say, "Jazzy." I inhale, look back at her, see her smirking, and she says, "Honestly, look, I get he's a cute guy, he is, but so are all your other guy friends, and really, I still thought he was cute when I got here, but he kind of, um." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her purse her lips, and she says, "He kind of is too much into the 'fighting the white man' thing. Like look, I get it, it is the white man's fault, a lot of the stuff I go through, the reason I'm even in this school is because my old school wasn't good compared to this school because we didn't have enough money because we didn't have enough kids with money there, and kids with money are mostly white and that school was trying to fix it by bussing white kids in but." I see her exhale and she says, "That's stuff I've heard from my cousins and family my whole life and I just get tired of it, how they keep telling me I gotta go to college to be educated and be some big attorney to help our community. Like I get it, I want to help one day, but really, I really just want to be a teacher, a math teacher, because math is easy, it's easy for me to see, and I like it, and it just makes sense, there's no color in that, like it's just the right or the wrong answer, it's simple, and I like that. I'm tired of people telling me I have to be a strong black woman one day, like being a teacher one day, teaching math, isn't being a strong black woman. I just want to be a girl right now, not 'be black' or 'not be black', I just want to have fun with a guy that makes me feel like I'm the prettiest." I see her inhale, see those eyes water over a little, and I say, "Prettiest girl ever because you are."

I see her give me a small smile and she says, "Yeah. I don't need to be anything else. I just have to be me and with your man." I see her stop, see her smirk, and she says, "I don't remember what we talked about anymore, but I remember feeling kind of bored, like if I didn't ask him about a book he read, that just had to be about black people, which are good books, but still, if it wasn't about that, he really didn't wanna talk to me. I just kind of." I see her look away and she says, "Was happy it was only those two dates and I guess I just kind of forgot that a few weeks after we went on those dates. So." I see her look back at me with that small smile and she says, "I don't see why you would be jealous or even think it matters that I'm completely black, because you actually like talking about that stuff and you're into it, like he is I think, and then feeling like you're not pretty, I just don't get that to." I see her stop, see her smirk, and she says, "Specially knowing how many people have crushes on you and all your friends." I feel my eyes open, see her smile, and she says, "So don't be thinking I'm prettier or that any of that matters when the only things that matter are that we're pretty enough for us and for them, we're with people that make us feel pretty and smart, we like being with them because they're smart and funny and sweet with us, no matter what anyone thinks, just because they used to be really shy and people can't see them having a girlfriend, and even better than any of that stuff, we're friends now and friends aren't jealous of each other, okay?"

I let go of that hand, lean over, hug her, feel those pretty braids on my face from that side ponytail, and I hear her laugh. I feel her hug me, close my eyes, remembering what I said to him last week, how I felt today at lunch, and say, "Thank you Lena. Because of all those dumb people saying things that weren't true when I was little I never thought I was pretty, I was confusing and they even called me ugly, and then dating my best friend who I had this big crush on, knowing he thinks I'm pretty enough but still telling myself I wasn't as pretty as other girls he talked to, that I wasn't completely anything, white or black, that I wasn't something I should be, I just ended up feeling like this and not telling anyone. Like I was pretty enough for him and I had to be okay with that even if I never thought I was as pretty as other girls he dated and other girls that look at him. And you're right, I'm pretty enough for me and for him and I'm just what I need to be, like you're pretty enough for yourself and Phil, and you're just what he wanted the first day he saw you."

I feel her inhale, pull away, see those watery eyes, and she says in that tiny voice, "Do you think I can fix this?" I feel my smirk and say, "Lena, yes, Phil talked to other girls, probably, but he never asked me about a girl until that day you showed up. And." I see her inhale, see those tears drying up, and I say, "Your parents are right, you're smart and you know the answer to that."

I see that smile, hear a phone vibrate, see her pull out her phone and look at it, see that smile, and she says, "Okay it's time to go and I'll reply to those texts on my way to class." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Why is it time to go?" I see her look up, see her smirk, and she says, "Because on the way here I set an alarm to make sure you wouldn't be late back to your class because your teacher was really nice and I wanted to make sure you made it back on time." I exhale, pull her into a hug, feel her hug me back, and I whisper, "We're friends Lena, we care for each other, so remember to text me if this happens again, don't wait for class, just text or call me, and remember, Phil thinks you're the prettiest girl at this school, I know you're one of the prettiest girls at this school for sure, and you're a strong, smart, friend, that's proud of who she is and should be with people that make her happy, not who she thinks she needs to be with."

I feel her exhale and hear her whisper, "Thanks Jazzy, on everything, and I think the same about you, but just change the name Phil with your afro." I laugh, remembering Ming also calls him that, hear another vibrate, pull away, see that smile, and she says, "Let's go so you can make it to class on time and I can text him on my way to class." I exhale and nod.

* * *

I inhale, hold my breath, push the handle down slowly, push the door open, step in, see Ms. Reed writing on the board, and everyone looking down at their papers. I creep in, turn around slowly, close the door, hear the click of the door, turn around, and exhale, seeing that no one heard it. I creep up behind the back row, walk up behind Adah, pass her, see her look up at me with a small smile, see her open her mouth, close it, look down at her desk, grab a sheet behind her paper, and a pen out of her pen bag on her desk, feeling my eyebrow rise. Then I smile, seeing her give them to me. Such awesome friends. I smile, mouth 'thank you Adie', see her smile and nod, and I keep creeping back to my desk.

I sit down, put my 'Jazzy' backpack on the floor, making sure the metal 'J' on my backpack doesn't make noise on the floor, and start copying the notes on the board. I smile seeing that I remember most of the stuff I'm writing down. I see Ms. Reed turn around, see her smile at me, smile back, and keep writing down the notes.

Then I hear the whisperings, roll my eyes, and hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "I think I stated at the beginning of the semester about passing notes Michelle. Do you care to share with the class what that note that you were going to pass to Mackenzie says?" I shake my head, keep writing, and hear Michelle say, "Not really Ms. Reed." Must be bad what's on that note.

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Fine. Bring it to me." I hear her chair move, hear steps, and then steps back to her desk. I keep writing thinking I might have to study what 'space-race intersection' means again. I know it was about how being in a race made you live in a space, but I can't remember the rest. Darn it. I smile thinking I'll just read it tonight and bother my bestie about it later to make sure I get it.

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Michelle." I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, see Ms. Reed looking at Michelle, kind of squinting her eyes, and she says, "We do not speak about someone's gender, race, physical characteristics, or in any derogatory way in this class or on this campus. Now do you need to speak to the principal so you can understand that and how you could be suspended based on this note alone?" I feel my other eyebrow rise, look over at Michelle, see her exhale, look down, see her look up at me, roll her eyes, and she says, "No Ms. Reed. I don't need to talk to the principal." I hear Ms. Reed inhale, look back at her, and she says, "This will be your only warning. Next time you will go to the principal's office." I hear an inhale, look forward, see him looking at me, and I look back down at my paper and start writing notes next to the things I need to study.

I hear Ms. Reed's heels clicking back to her desk and hear Michelle say, "Can I have my note back Ms. Reed?" Seriously? When did she become so, mean, and like that?

I hear Ms. Reed say, "No you may not. I will be discussing this note with your parents at the next parent-teacher meeting." I hear Michelle say, "Seriously Ms. Reed? I was just saying the truth, she does have a big," and hear Ms. Reed cut her off with, "Finish that sentence Michelle and you will not only be going to the principal's office but you will receive 'U's on your final report card for the semester based on not following the class codes we discussed at the beginning of the semester about respecting everyone in class."

I exhale, making those notes, trying to remember what my friend said about me being a strong girl two minutes ago. I'm not dumb, a little childish sometimes, maybe kind of immature, but I'm not dumb, I know what she was going to say. I swallow, feel my eyes getting watery, wanting to just go home. Why am I being so emotional today? It doesn't matter that she or her friends think I have a big butt. It doesn't.

I inhale and hear Ms. Reed voice say, "Jazmine." I blink, trying to make the tears dry up, looking at the paper, and hear her say, "Do you want to go outside for a few minutes. It's fine, you can take your time."

I exhale, know I can't talk right now, but I'm stronger than this, and I know that because my sister and mom are strong, and I need to be a grown up for them, and not let dumb girls get to me. I think about those dark ocean blue eyes that went through horrible things with those people, those dark, deep ocean black eyes that left things in Ohio because they don't matter, and those hazel eyes that probably cried a lot when she was little because of those cousins that made her feel bad. They're so strong, all of them, and they're all so pretty because they're all proud of who they are. And they're all so different. They look different, act different, have different kinds of bodies even if they're all fit, but they're all so pretty. And even though they're such good friends and sweet and smart and funny, I think their boyfriends like them to because of how pretty they are. And then I feel my smile, remembering lunch and how my bestie slapped my thigh. He likes my thighs I think. And, my thighs, my butt, my hips, my hair, my eyes, all came from my mom's family. My mom, who's the strongest woman I know and the best mom ever. And I'm not going to let anyone, not any jerk or dumb girl that likes my boyfriend make me feel like they're too big or too anything.

I inhale, see my eyes focus on the paper, look up at Ms. Reed, see her worried face, smile at her, and say, "I'm okay Ms. Reed but I think I forgot what 'space-race intersection' means so can you tell me what week we went over that so I can look through my notes?"

I see her exhale, see her smile, and she says, "Week five and the general definition is a group of people of the same race being placed in a location by outside forces and being kept in that place, usually by discriminatory acts, and then becoming associated to that place." I feel my eyes open and say, "Oh I remember now. And then when people think about that place they think about that race to. Is that right Ms. Reed?" I see her smirk and she says, "Yes and that group, that people need to fight in anyways they can to remove themselves from that place by going against what people do and say to keep them there and it takes endurance, action, and strength to do that." I smile, knowing I have two favorite teachers this semester and they're both strong, smart, women, like my mom, and say, "Thank you Ms. Reed." I see her smile and she says, "You welcome."

I see her turn, walking to her desk, and turn back to my paper to write it down, feeling my smile. Then I hear her say, "Okay everyone, now I would like you to get in groups of no more than four people and discuss the last holiday with an emphasize on what you've learned in this class during the semester and of course I want you to write it down and make sure everyone's name is on the page before turning it in."

I think I need to ask her about examples just to make sure I know for sure what 'space-race intersection' means. I hear a desk move next to me, look over to my right, and smile at Adah and then feel my eyebrow rise seeing Johnny sitting down in the desk in front of her. I look back at Adah, see her smile, and see her nod.

I say, "Really?" She starts laughing and I look over at Johnny and see him blush looking at her. Oh my god. So cute. I start giggling, see her stop laughing with that blush and that smile, and I say, "You're texting me later." I see her look away with that smile and says, "Okay Jazzy."

I smile, stand up, turn my desk to face her, sit down, and hear, "But why can't I be in that group Ms. Reed?" I look up, see Michelle at Ms. Reed's desk, and Ms. Reed says, "Because Michelle, Mackenzie and you have already disrupted the class once today and I know it will only get worse if I let you be in the same group."

I hear someone say, "Can I be your group?" and hear Johnny say, "Sure man." I see Michelle exhale and she says, "Fine but all the other groups have four people already." I look around, then to my left, and then look down at my paper. Darn it.

Then I hear Ms. Reed say, "Any group is fine Michelle as long as it's not the same one Mackenzie is in." I exhale, look behind my chair for my backpack to get my notebook and then feel a girl's hand grab my hand. I look back to the front, see Adah take her hand away, and see her with her notebook and a pen. I smile, shake my head, and say, "I can write this time if you want." I see her smirk and she says, "We need your brains." I snicker.

Then I hear a chair move to my left, look over and see Michelle putting a chair next to Cairo. Oh Black Jesus please let this period go fast.

I hear Ms. Reed's voice, "Jazmine, is everything okay?" I look up, smile, and say, "Yes, Ms. Reed, Adah wants to do the writing because she writes a lot nicer than I do." I feel that slap on my hand, snicker, and see Ms. Reed smile.

Then I hear, "So we gotta talk about how some people saved the world during the break?" I exhale, look at Adah, see her smirk and remember how much she makes me laugh when we text, and I can't help and start laughing. I hear someone inhale and then hear Cairo say, "Nah. You didn't hear? Gotta talk 'bout Thanksgiving and what we learned in class."

I stop laughing and smile seeing Adah writing down our names in that nice handwriting. I don't lie. She really does have nice handwriting. I see her stop, look up and look over at Johnny. I look over at him, snicker seeing him blushing looking at Adah, and then see him look away. I think he might be shyer than Phil. Oh Jesus.

I hear him clear his throat looking away and he says, "Guess I can start. So I know Thanksgiving's about how the Indians helped the Pilgrims giving them food and I think helping them learn how to live in the cold and you know how to grow food and." I see him stop, purse his lips, looks down at this desk, and he says, "It just made me think of the beginning of the semester when we talked about Karl Marx and how he talked about different classes, one class having more money than another class, people that have more money using other people to make more money, so." I feel my eyebrow rise, trying to figure out how that would kind of connect because the Pilgrims came to the New World for religious freedom and I think Karl Marx was talking more about one class having more power over another class.

Then I hear Michelle say, "It's because the Pilgrims were smarter and made the Indians help them like one class that has more money telling another class what to do." I feel my other eyebrow rise, look over at her, see her again up close, with her straight dark red hair, her brownish green eyes, her perfect skin, and I'm not jealous anymore. I exhale. Maybe that's why I thought she was nice, because we weren't in groups together last year and I didn't know she was so.

I hear Johnny say, "That's really racist." I exhale and hear Adah exhale to. I look over at her, see her look at me, and see her shake her head, erasing what she was just writing.

I hear Johnny say, "I was gonna say maybe it was the other way around back then. Like, I know the Indians were religious and maybe they were doing it, helping the Pilgrims, because they knew it was a good thing and it just reminded me how things aren't like that anymore, how people don't just help, how Karl Marx said it was about class and money now." I feel my smile, look back at Adah, see her writing in that nice handwriting, and giggle seeing her blushing looking at the paper. I can see that connection.

Then I hear Cairo say, "It ain't like that. People do help, do shit, for others, just cuz they want to. Just gotta find people like that." I exhale, thinking about that afro and how much he helps, how much of a good person he is.

I see Adah look up, see her look around, look back at me, and she says, "My turn?" I snicker and then hear Michelle say, "Didn't know we had a leader." I roll my eyes and hear Adah say, "In this group we do." I laugh, grab the paper from Adah, the pen from her hand, and say, "I write, you talk, group effort remember." I look at the paper, hear her exhale, know she's smirking, and hear Adah say, "Okay, so I guess Johnny just reminded me of that other author Ms. Reed was comparing Karl Marx to. I think his name was Max Weber." I write down Adah's name first, then the author's name, and hear Adah say, "Jazzy tell me if it isn't right okay?" I smile, looking at the paper with her nice handwriting, and say, "It'll probably be right Adie." I hear an exhale from my left and then hear Adah say, "So I think Max Weber said that class comes from having economic power, like being able to get stuff, like boats and food and houses, and it was the Indians that had all that stuff. They had arrows and a place to live and knew how to grow food where they were and had clothes, a lot of things the Pilgrims probably only had a little of or maybe didn't have any, like I'm sure the Pilgrims didn't have arrows and even if they had guns, my history teacher said they probably didn't have a lot of gun powder when they got to the New World so really, they weren't going to have those guns after a while, so." I keep writing, trying to keep up with everything she's saying, and hear her say, "I think, back then, the Indians had the economic power and were nice enough to the Pilgrims to not use it against them. The Indians could have not helped them but they did anyways. So, even though the Indians had more economic power than the Pilgrims, they were nice and didn't use that power on the Pilgrims but helped them."

I smile, writing it all down, and then hear Michelle say, "The leader's next?" I exhale, finish writing the last word, look up at Adah, see her smile, and she says, "Give me." I smile, give her the paper and pen, see her look down at the paper, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her write down Michelle's name next.

I see her dark brown eyes look up towards Michelle, see her lips purse, and she says, "Nope. The leader goes last because she likes having the hardest job or trying to find something to say after we all talked. But you're next." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing we started talking this semester and she's really nice and funny, and I haven't seen her be cold to anyone. I wonder if she just doesn't like Michelle.

I hear Michelle exhale and she says, "I'm not even supposed to be in this group so just write down my name on the paper and some stuff next to it." I see Adah exhale and she says, "I did write down your name but I'm not gonna lie and put down that you talked when you didn't Michelle because we all have to talk and if you don't want to participate then I can just leave your part blank."

I hear Michelle exhale, look over at her, and see her squinting her eyes at Adah. What's going on? Then, I see Michelle smirk, and she says, "Why you being nice now Adah? You weren't nice before. You trying to make up for it?" I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Johnny say, "Michelle, that was a long time ago and she doesn't have to make up for anything." I feel my eyes get big, look over at Johnny, see him looking at Michelle, and before I can ask I hear Michelle say, "Defending her Johnny? Why? Something happening between you two? Didn't know your parents were okay with you seeing someone that doesn't go to your church."

I hear Adah inhale and I can't stop myself from saying, "Why does that even matter?" I look back at Michelle, see her raise her chin, and she says, "Because my family goes to that church and I know his parents wouldn't," but Johnny cuts her off with, "You don't know anything." I feel my smile, see her inhale, see her look back at Johnny, squinting her eyes, and hear Johnny say, "Your parents show up on Sundays, like they're supposed to, but you don't, you don't know anything about the teachings, how we're told to accept and love everyone, and how close that is to the teachings of Judaism." I feel my smile get bigger, look over at Adah, see her looking at her paper, completely red, and giggle. So cute.

I hear Michelle inhale and hear her say, "I show up when I can and anyways, I don't think your parents would be okay with it. Like I know for sure for you to even date someone your parents would have to know her parents first and then you would have to ask her dad for permission. You're the Pastor's son, you have to follow these rules, I mean you know this Johnny." I feel my eyebrow rise and wonder if they know each other through church that much.

I hear Johnny say, "I do know the rules and I can see you don't even go to the classes they have on dating because it's not just that." I see Adah smirk and see her look up from her paper at Johnny. I look over at him, see him inhale, looking at Michelle, and he says, "That's just the beginning, then I have to talk to her mom alone so she can ask me questions and I can answer them honestly so she can see that I like her daughter because I like her and I'm not trying to see her for sinful reasons and then after that." I see him look away, see him blush, and he says, "Then, if her mom says it's okay, we can go on a date on Friday night and I have to make sure to bring her home before ten and then on Saturday she's supposed to spend time with her family at her synagogue and I'm supposed to go to the classes they have at my church, and on Sundays she's supposed to spend time with her family because she's a good honest girl and I help my father at our church and pray to be of service and good to my family, friends, and her, because my parents like her, because she is a good honest girl and my parents say that's who the teachings say we should date."

I see him exhale with that blush, feel my smile, and I say, "That's kind of romantic." I hear Adah giggle, see Johnny look over at her, see him smile, and look away with that blush. Oh gosh, I have to remember to text her later about this.

I hear Michelle exhale and hear her say, "And now you're gonna be defending her?" I hear Adah inhale she says, "No. I can defend myself to, and Johnny's right, I don't have to make up for anything because I already said I was sorry and we're not talking about this okay. If you don't wanna participate, fine, but you're not getting credit for it."

I hear Michelle inhale and hear her say, "When did you start talking? Just because you're dating Johnny now you think anything's changed. You were quiet back then and didn't say anything but now that everyone forgot you think you're different?" I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, not liking how she's talking to Adah, and hear her continue, "Oh and even if you're really not different, because you're not, I can tell my sister now that thanks to you she can move on because he'd rather date a Jewish girl than her."

I inhale, feel Adah grab my hand, knowing now she has a lot more patience than I do, and hear Johnny say, "If you're okay with making your sister feel bad about anything, you really do need to go back to church." I exhale, he's such a good guy.

Then I hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "Okay everyone, we're almost halfway through class and you need to make sure everyone participates. So you should all move on to another person that hasn't talked, making sure to write down that person's name and however that person participated."

I hear Johnny say, "Cairo, do you wanna go next?" I feel Adah's hand move away, see her grab her pen, look down at the paper, and hear Cairo say, "Yeah."

I exhale, looking at that nice handwriting, and hear Cairo say, "So, Thanksgiving's supposed to be 'bout giving, food and other things, like clothes and shit, things people ain't got, so it just reminds me of what the teacher talked about when she said blacks and other people that don't got money, they're poor not just because they don't got money but because they live in bad neighborhoods, places that ain't got good amenities, so how are they supposed to help others when they live like that and can't give, when they don't got money and extra clothes to give, barely getting by and shit? Should be people with money that give, that volunteer, not people that ain't got money or only got some, but those are the people that do help, do volunteer, actually care 'bout more than themselves. It's the people that only got some and not a lot of money that volunteer but the people that have a lot, have time to volunteer, have money to give, they don't."

I smile remembering that afro and how he doesn't know how happy Frank really was that he was there helping so he could spend time with Mr. Willis. Hopefully he'll be back for Christmas to spend time with Mr. Willis like he said he wanted to.

I see Adah's handwriting and wonder why I didn't ask her to be my friend before. Maybe I was just really shy.

Then I hear Johnny's voice say, "Yeah. My family dropped off some food at the shelter but we couldn't stay because we had to go back to church for Thanksgiving readings. That was cool that you did that Jazmine." I look over at Johnny, see him giving me a small smile, smile at him, and I hear Adah say, "You and Huey do that every year right?" I look over at her, feel my smile get bigger thinking about him, and say, "Yeah, since elementary, but back then all I did was run around trying to help by keeping Mr. Willis entertained even though I thought I was helping." I see her laugh, hear Johnny laughing to, noticing that I don't hear him laugh at school, and feeling my happiness get bigger, thinking he must be happy they're dating.

Then I hear Cairo say, "How'd you find that place and why'd you start volunteering?"

I look over at him, see him looking at me, exhale, remembering we're in class, and say, "I found out about the shelter when my father took me there to look for a client that had just been paroled and Mr. Willis was nice enough to let him look inside for that person. I just stayed in Mr. Willis's office coloring on his desk that day. And later, when I got a little older and my mom let me, we started volunteering there." I feel my lips purse and look down, thinking about that day when I met Mr. Willis, how nice he was, but still, it was probably not really safe for me to be there. I mean why would Tom take me to look for a client that could've been a criminal? I mean I was little, like six or seven I think.

I hear Johnny say, "Isn't that kind of dangerous, you know, taking you to see a client? I mean I've met some people that came out of jail and I don't know how old you were but a girl, any girl, shouldn't be around those people unless they're trying to get better, but you never know." I exhale, look over at him, smirk, knowing that's kind of a 'guyish' thing to say but he was just raised like that, and I say, "Yeah but luckily I was fine and I got to meet Mr. Willis and I found out how nice some of the people that work there and sleep there are, so I guess it worked out okay." People there are nice, I just feel bad that it's hard for them to leave that place because of how much they struggle with jobs and just getting a place to live. A place to live. People staying in a place.

I feel my eyes open, look at Adah and say, "I got it." I see her smirk and she says, "Okay, it's Jazzy's turn." I smile and say, "So race-space intersectional means how people are put in a place, like a shelter, because of other people making it hard for them, like not giving them jobs because of their record or like not giving them a place to live because they've been homeless and living on the streets their whole life and don't have credit, and then how that happens to one race a lot, too much, and it makes it hard for them to leave that place, that space. So, at the shelter I've met a lot of people, but a lot more black older people and kids." I exhale, seeing Adah writing really fast, and say, "So when people think about the shelter, even though Mr. Willis wants to help everyone and lets anyone stay there, people always think about black people because they think it's only them that stay there and it makes it even harder when they, moms, dads, teenagers with really cool names, are trying to get out of there, getting jobs or just moving into a nice place where they can be safe with their family. I mean some of those kids have parents that can't even feed them, give them clothes, or pay the water bill to wash their cute dirty faces, and they come to the shelter on Thanksgiving to eat a good warm meal and have somewhere to sit and eat for a little bit." I exhale, see her writing, smile, thinking about that day, look over at Cairo, see him looking at me, and say, "Thank you for cleaning." I look over at Johnny, see him looking at Adah blushing, smile, and say, "Thank you for the food Johnny." I see him look up at me and I look over at Adah, see her writing, and say, "And thank you for being you Adie." I see her stop, look up at me, see her smile, and see her look down at the paper and start writing again.

I inhale, looking at that paper, and say, "So, that's how race-space intersectional kind of, maybe, connects to Thanksgiving. Those people that came to the shelter that day came because they had to, not because they're lazy and don't wanna get jobs or pay their bills, they're nice people that are looking for work, probably why some of those kids were there alone, because their parents are looking for work, sometimes looking for a second or third job, and just can't find one because of so many things that keep them there, in that space, in that place, and then a lot of the time one race or just people of color find it harder to get out of that place because they are black, Latino, or just not white enough. Because some people think you not being white enough is bad, it's." I stop. Not being white enough. White enough.

I inhale, look back at Michelle, and exhale, seeing her smirk at me. I feel a warm hand on my hand and hear Adah say, "Jazzy?" I exhale and remember her standing there. She had long blonde hair back then that she put up in a bun sometimes. She didn't wear makeup. That's why I didn't remember her from middle school. And because we only started having classes together last year, here in high school. But middle school was smaller with less students and everyone knew everyone even if we weren't in any classes together. But mostly I didn't remember her because back then she looked really different. I think she looked prettier back then with her natural hair and not so much makeup. But then in high school she came back with that new hairstyle, makeup, new clothes, and she started using her first name and not her middle name. But she's still the same girl. I inhale and say, "Adie and Johnny are right. She doesn't have to apologize for anything. Not only because it was a long time ago but because she didn't stand there and make the crowd bigger, watching." I feel Adah's hand squeeze mine, see Michelle's smirk get bigger, hope to Black Jesus I don't slap her, and I say, "Adie and Johnny would at least leave and I'm pretty sure were one of the reasons teachers would sometimes show up, because they would at least go say something, and not stand there with the other kids, watching it happen."

I exhale and hear Cairo say, "So it wasn't only fuckers saying shit to you. It was kids, racist ones, that didn't do shit, just watched."

I see her eyes get big, see her look at Cairo, and I look back at Adah, smile at her worried face, and say, "Adie, can you add that if someone wants to get out of that place, that space, they need endurance, action, and strength?" I see her exhale, see her smile, and she says, "And they need brains."

Oh my god, I close my eyes, start laughing, hear her laugh, and smile hearing Johnny snicker. He must be happy.

I hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "That's great work everyone." I stop laughing, look up and see Ms. Reed looking over Adah's shoulder at the paper. I see her purse her lips, exhale, and she says, "But someone did not contribute and won't be getting credit if they don't and." I see her stop, smirk, and she says, "Very nice penmanship Adah."

Then I see Ms. Reed turn and walk over to the other group, I look down at Adah, smirk, see her smirking at me, and I say, "I was right and I expect a text tonight." I see her giggle, look over at Johnny, see her blush, and she says, "Okay Jazzy."

I hear Michelle saying Cairo's name and him not answering, and know mom is not raising us to treat girls, people, like he does, and really, she's only a dumb girl and didn't really say anything to me even in middle school.

I exhale and say, "Michelle." I hear her stop, hear her inhale, and I say, "You weren't one of the kids that called me those names, so you shouldn't be blamed for it." I hear her exhale and hear her say, "I don't need your help." I exhale, look over at her, see her looking at me with those eyes, almost as cold as someone else's blue eyes, and remember what she said to my Huey during lunch and then what she said about me in that note. I inhale and say, "I'm not trying to help you, I'm just saying you weren't one of those kids that called me those names and we were in middle school, a really bad one where teachers didn't care about that stuff, a kid getting bullied, and we were all just trying to get out of there, get to high school where some of us thought it would get better, but luckily for me, before I left that place, I got help from my best friend and I'll defend that help. So." I stop, see her inhale, looking at me, and I say, "Don't come near my friends or my boyfriend again or I'll show you what a girl, a girl that's proud of what she looks like because it comes from both her black families, can do to defend her friends and boyfriend." I see her exhale, squint her eyes, and she says, "That a threat?" I exhale, roll my eyes, look back at Adah, see her smirking at me, and I say, "Sure."

I see her start laughing, start laughing with her, and hear Cairo say, "You black on both sides?"

Darn it. I don't want him to know anything about me. I look away and hear Adah say, "I guess I can see that with your mom being so pretty. I mean I'm not saying anything about completely white moms, they can be really pretty to, but your mom looks different, like she's from somewhere else, so it kind of always made me think she was mix to and." I look up at Adah, feel my smile thinking about my mom, see her smile at me, and she says, "I remember when my uncle came with my mom and dad for our science fair in middle school, I think he really liked your mom and my mom had to tell him she was married." I start snickering, knowing she is beautiful, and say, "Yeah. She's creole. It's kind of a mix of African and French and then some Native American to."

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Okay everyone, fifteen more minutes. That's enough for the last person to contribute before class ends."

I look at Michelle, see her looking at her phone, roll my eyes, and hear Johnny say, "Michelle are you gonna participate?"

I hear a few exhales and then hear Johnny say, "I guess not. So, where do creole people come from?"

I smile, look up at Johnny, see him looking at me with those cool Clark Kent glasses and brown eyes, and I say, "Well they can be from anywhere. But I was reading some books about the creole language during the break and found out that they do come mostly from Louisiana where the French stayed after the Louisiana purchase and a lot of African slaves had already been brought over by the French and then there were always Native Americans because they were everywhere but then you know, were getting killed." She could use that to participate, how Native Americans were treated and how that kind seems like class and economic power. So many ways she could participate.

I look over at her, see her looking at her phone, and say, "Michelle, you know," and stop, feeling Adah's hand over mine. I look over at her, see her shake her head, and she says, "You can only help someone if they want it Jazzy and I want to know more about creole people. So is your mom from Louisiana?" I smile, nod, and say, "Yeah. But." I stop, see her eyebrow rise, and I say, "I've never asked you, where are your parents from?"

I see her smile and then hear Michelle say, "She's Jewish. Duh." Oh my god. I exhale, see Adah roll her eyes, and then hear Johnny say, "Being Jewish means you have a religion, you know, one where you follow the rules and pray when you're supposed to, it's not a place you're from." I see Adah blush, see her look down, and she says, "Yeah. My parents are from New Jersey. They were born and raised there. My grandma on my dad's side was the only survivor from her family, moved here after the war, met my grandpa who was German, but raised and born here, and he converted for her." I feel my smile, see her look up and smile at me, and she says, "Yeah. And because my grandpa was converted it's always been okay in my family to not be Jewish and believe what you believe. We actually have a few religions in our family. So my parents are Jewish but are really open minded. That's why they didn't make me go to a Jewish school. And they've always told me that if I ever want to change my beliefs, I can, and they'll support me."

I smile and hear Cairo say, "So, creole people, they religious?" I exhale and hear Johnny say, "They can be I think. There's a man that goes to our church now that says he's creole but I don't know where he's from, that's why I asked. But he converted when he started going to our church so I think they can be religious if they want to be."

I smile, look at Johnny, and see him looking at his desk. He's nice and listens to people and he's actually really open minded.

I hear Adah say, "What about your family Jazzy? Are they religious or do they go to church?"

I look back at her, smile, and say, "Well I guess it just depends on what side you're talking about. My father's Christian but my mom's more spiritual, like my grandma, and she's really open minded so if I ever wanted to go back to church I'm sure I could but." I feel my smirk, see her smirk back at me, and she says, "Huey."

I hear him inhale and hear Cairo say, "That fool wouldn't let you go to church?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look at him, see him looking at me with that angry look again, smile, and start laughing. Oh my Black Jesus.

I hear Adah laughing with me and hear Michelle say, "What's funny? You know Huey, who everyone knows doesn't go to church, wants a girl that doesn't go to church so you wouldn't go?"

I exhale, smile at Adah, see her smirk at me, and she says, "He'd probably make you take a notebook with you no matter what church you went to." I snicker and say, "Well you know Huey, he just wants to make sure they don't get the history wrong."

I hear Johnny say, "You know you don't have to go to church to be a good person or a good honest girl, but you won't get into heaven, so just know you and Huey can always start coming to my church."

I look over at him, see him looking at Adah with that blush, smile, and say, "Thank you Johnny."

I hear the bell ring, look back at Adah, and say, "Adie?" I see her smile and she says, "Text tonight. Got it." I nod, get up, move my desk back, grab my paper and Adah's pen, and remember I didn't give her her pen back. Shoot. I look back, see her walking back to her desk, and hear someone say my name.

I look back to the front, see him looking at me, inhale, remember class ended, and I can give Adah her pen tomorrow. I grab my backpack, put the pen and my paper in it, zip it up, and hear him say, "Just one damn minute Jazmine. All I'm asking. Please."

I exhale, look up, see him looking at me, and I say, "Cairo, thank you for helping last week, but you said some really mean things to him, and after that, I don't even wanna give you a minute."

I see him inhale and he says, "That little bitch tell you? Didn't know he'd do that shit." I inhale, get up, put my backpack over my shoulder, turn to use the backdoor, feel a hand on my arm, and say, "Don't Cairo, I will hurt you, and I won't talk to you anymore, not even in class." I feel him let go, take a step, and I hear him say, "Only told his ass the truth. You're gonna see that shit. He just like 'em. That family. And you don't even know the fuck they are. They're the dirtiest shit of Chi-Town. They just cover it up with their fucken money. Why you think I'm even here? You think it was just shit I did. Nah. That family, that bitch's family to, made me do shit." I inhale, turn around, look up at him, and say, "You're wrong. No one can make you do anything. Just because you lived there didn't mean you had to do any of those things," but he cuts me off with, "You lived there? You know what it's like to wake up and not know if you're gonna get fucked up on the way to school just cuz you gotta walk on a street you know they be selling rock? Even know what that shit is? What it's like to have to hang out with fools that don't know shit just so you can have 'nough to survive to make it home? You know any of that shit? Growing up here with your family with money and none of that shit? You know anything or you just like all the girls here that don't know shit 'bout that life?"

I exhale, inhale, turn around, and hear him say, "Jazmine, look, I'm sorry, just." I feel myself shaking, take a step, and hear him say, "Jazmine, come on, please."

I inhale, turn around, see he took a step up to me, look up at him, and I say, "Please what? You just insulted me. You don't know anything about me Cairo. Rock is crack and I know that because my parents are attorneys Cairo and because I'm not dumb. I know what that stuff is even though I'm never gonna touch it. And you don't know how I grew up here. You don't know what it was like for me here, not being completely white, even if my father was an attorney, because he was always going to be black. Always. And no matter how much I loved that part about me, those dumb kids, as soon as I got into school, they would look for me to remind me that I was a half breed, that I looked like an ape, a half monkey, a gorilla, some animals that didn't even live in Africa, just made up dumb things, because they thought it was funny, and some of them because they hated me, hated, actually hated me for not being completely white and then some of those girls, they, they, threw things at me, things they shouldn't have, you know what that does to a girl that's being told every day she's ugly and she's always going to be ugly and she probably only got into that school because she's half black so she's probably not even smart, she's just, stupid and ugly and a, a, she's a half." I stop, seeing my eyes getting blurry, see him inhale, he says, "Jazmine I'm sorry, look," but I cut him off saying, "No Cairo. Yes you had it hard, but I have friends that grew up there to and they grew up okay, not doing those things you did, just doing things to protect themselves, not looking for fights, only fighting when they needed to because that's the kind of guys they are."

I inhale, see my eyes clear, sniffle, see him exhale, remember my Huey, what he said to him, and say, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get emotional. Just know that when you say anything about Huey I'm going to defend him and after what you told him, I don't need to talk to you anymore."

I turn around and hear him say, "I'd change for you. I would. I stop doing all this shit, fucking up all over the place, barely showing up to school, being with all these girls, I'd stop for you, I would."

I exhale and say, "I don't want any of that Cairo. You need to do what you want to do for yourself, not for me or anyone. Just prove to everyone that black guys, black men, are a lot stronger and more capable than society gives them credit because that's the truth. That's what he taught me."

I hear him inhale, feel him standing behind me, and hear him say, "That punk ass probably told you that I told his ass but I'm gonna tell you cuz it's the truth: He don't deserve you. You actually care about shit. Don't think you're better even if you look like you do. You different than the girls there, the ones here, and you don't want that fucked up family cuz that shit will always follow that nigga's ass, no matter where the fuck he moves. And you deserve better than that Jazmine, more than that shit. And that's all that nigga is, that family, and he doesn't deserve you."

I exhale, look down at the floor, see my vision get really blurry, know I'm crying and I can't stop it, inhale, and hear him say, "Jazmine, come on, please." I exhale, hearing my heart beating in my head, and say, "You told Huey," sniffle, "He didn't deserve me," sniffle, "Because of that family?" I inhale, trying to calm down, and hear him say, "Told that nigga the truth."

I inhale, shaking, hear Ms. Reed call me, and start walking. I hear Cairo say something, blink, feel the tears going down my cheeks, see the door, push it open, and start running. Run Jazmine, run. Faster. Faster.

* * *

I feel those breasts on my arm, inhale, and say, "Are you sure?" I feel her press herself on me, I exhale, and hear her say, "Can I hug you tonight?"

I inhale and say, "No." I hear her inhale and I say, "You ran into me hard enough today I felt it and wouldn't stop crying on me until I dragged you into that room and then wouldn't let go of me the entire way to the nursing home or after on our way home." I close my eyes, hear the news report, remembering I need to fact check most of that information tomorrow, and say, "And you made me pinky swear, which we're both too old for, to not kill him. And now you decided that you want to sleep over on a weekday because you want to hug me." I open my eyes and exhale, seeing that fucken anchor on that channel, that fucken idiot that said anything to her today and made her feel grief over something that's my burden to carry not hers, that imbecile that's the reason she can't fucken go to the mall on Sundays with her mother and sister alone to spend time with them, that fucken lunatic that's still following her at school, and every fucken person that ever called her anything but what she is, and hear that whiny voice say, "My mom said it was okay but I can go home Huey."

I inhale, turn towards her, grab that shoulder, push it back onto the bed, and cover that body with my own. I look down at those greens and see they're still red. They're still fucken red. I exhale and say, "You say I'm a good person, so act like it, and a good person, simply because they can, ask for things and gets them, and you're sleeping over because that's what I want. And I'm not killing him but if this happens again, nothing will stop me from making sure he understands who you belong to and why the hell he has no say in anything, specifically when it comes to you, because he knows not a damn thing about you, that you're smarter and more aware than any of those idiots, and the most beau." I stop, close my eyes, exhale, know I've said too much, and I look like an idiot. Shit.

I inhale and say, "If you want to go home," feel those lips, push my way through them, taste that tongue, feel those hands in my hair, pulling me down, and feel those hips moving under me. Shit. But she's sleeping over.

I lean down on the bed, put my hands under that shirt, feel the skin on that waist, feel that tongue over my lips, hear myself groan, know I'm hard, and hear that voice say, "I'm a pretty to you?" I inhale, open my eyes, see that thick hair over that pillow, that forehead, those greens that are just the color green, those thirty three freckles that connect, knowing now she also has freckles on that chest, on top of those breasts, breasts that are bigger than my hand, know all of those features belong to her, and know I was raised for better or for worse to be honest and have purpose and say, "No. You're not just pretty." I feel those breasts move with her inhale, see that worried look, and I say, "You're beautiful."

I see those eyes open, see that circular green that's not just green, but a dark forest green that's bright at every second of the day, see them coat in water, see that smile, and exhale, knowing again I didn't make her cry because I hurt her feelings. I inhale and continue before I stop, "And because you said I'm a good person and I trust you I can ask for anything, and I want to hug you tonight. Does that make sense in your Jazmine head?"

I see that face come back up, feel that peck, see her go back down, knowing I also want more, but we need to rest and it's a weekday, and she says, "Yes, it does bestie, but I get to ask for something to and you got." I see that tint expand, feel my eyebrow rise, and she says, "To do stuff to me last time and I want to help you tonight okay?"

I feel myself twitch and see her swallow. I inhale, know what I want, and say, "I want to kiss you while you help me, but we both need to go slow." I see that smile and she says, "Because I sat on your lap today and I'm not really sorry about that, defended you from a dumb girl, because you're my boyfriend and I want to take care of you, made you pinky swear to not beat up a jerk because he's only a jerk and there's more important things, like getting you to the shelter on time where you're the best helper ever to Mr. Willis, and then coming home to do homework, cuddle, drink tea that reminds me of how much of a good person you are, and then saying I belong to you and I'm not pretty, I'm." I see that tint and I exhale and say, "Beautiful." I see her nod with that smile and she says, "So because of all that we're both a little too wound up, but we only want each other, and know we're both not ready to change those no's to yes's right now so we should go slow tonight right?"

I exhale, see that smile, and know she doesn't have to know I've been ready to change some of those no's to yes's for some time but I've wanted it to be with her and, possibly because of actions I've always taken to distance myself from that family, to show some semblance of how my brother and I were raised, and because it's her and if it wasn't her I was going to wait a year or two more until girls, women, my age started to use birth control as a lifestyle rather than a choice regardless of the necessity to always used condoms, I also now want it to be what idiot teenagers our age call 'special'. She also doesn't have to know I was never going to ask for it, because asking for that would be selfish of me, selfish for someone like me, connected to that family, but it's possible she's right and I'm not connected to them, at least I do not 'feel' connected to them right now, when I'm touching her, and so, I could deserve it, deserve to ask for it, because I'm not connected to that family, have some characteristics of theirs but that does not connect me to them, and she believes all of that and she believes I'm a good person. And by some definitions, a good person is also honest.

I inhale and say, "Yes but know I have always wanted it to be with you, regardless of how I treated you, and what nicknames you called me, but only if and when you are ready, and I'm willing to wait even until after high school, when we're attending the same college or at the very least attending colleges cities apart and I do not lie because lying is for the weak."

I see those eyes open again, see her move up, taste those lips, feel that tongue push in, groan loud, not caring how late or early it is or where we are, feel the pull down on my shorts, and before I can move them down, I feel the pull on my waist band, and feel that hand grab my base over my underwear. Fuck. I bring my hand over to that stomach, feeling for that waistband on those shorts that are too tight to let her ever leave this room wearing with nothing over them, feel that smooth stomach, the waistband, and feel her pull away. I open my eyes and see those greens looking up at her target. I see that smirk, feel myself twitch, feel that hand leave my base, feeling my exhale with it, and feel those warm hands grab my wrists.

I feel my eyebrows lower and she says, "Huey, you said I could help you and you were only gonna kiss me." I exhale and she says, "So keep your hands where I can see them okay?"

I groan and say, "Jazmine," but she cuts me off with, "My strong, honest, and brave Huey, my boyfriend, who said I belong to him and who I say is mine, listen."

I feel my precum already. Fuck. It's been two days since I came on that hip, with her hands in my hair, while she let me feel the warm soft skin on those breasts again, fuller in my hand than last time, even if I know that's not possible, and then letting me hold that mound again, letting me feel those fluids only after a few seconds, possibly because I had been enjoying those breasts longer than I should have, and now, now, all I want to do is feel those fluids again, feel her squirming under me, but she wants me to listen.

I exhale, see that smile, feel a pull on my wrists, and let her guide them up next to her arms, leaning my elbows on the bed, next to those shoulders.

I inhale, trying to relax and have some self-control, see that smirk, see that face come up, feel that tongue over my lower lip, hear myself say, "Jazzy," feel the pull on the waistband of my underwear, that hand cover my head, feel myself jerk, know I need to relax, and hear myself say, "Fuck, Jazmine," feeling that hand squeeze down from my head to my base. I bite down on that lip, push myself down onto that hand, feeling it holding me again like I'm not going to break, moving up and down, hearing her say my name when I let her breathe, feeling that soft stomach with the head of my penis, the warmth and softness that she is, knowing I deserve her, because I do, and that family can go to hell, and one day they will, and right now all she wants to do is help me see that I am good person. She doesn't have to know she's also helping me see I deserve her in these moments, these increments, more than I thought possible for me, without having to hear it, by just letting me do this, what we're doing right now, but I still want more. I want this and those hugs and those kisses and whatever she's willing to give me, and not just because she's beautiful but because it's her. I hear myself say her name into her mouth, hearing her say mine, feel another warm hand rubbing my balls over my underwear, and feel that release, with my eyes having gone into that meditative state in the back of my head some time ago, not knowing when it happened and not caring, but knowing I came on that stomach.

I inhale, exhale, open my eyes, breathing in more air, see those greens in that variation, see her look down at my lips, and she says, "Thank you."

I exhale, feel myself twitch, know I'm no longer hard and it will take time for me to get hard again but I can, and I say, "Only in your Jazmine head would you thank me for that."

I see that smirk and she says, "I think you like my Jazmine head and I wanna cuddle while we finish watching the news, before we go to sleep with you hugging me, and you're letting me hug you on Saturday night." I exhale, feel my smirk, and say, "Yes." I see that smile that belongs to me and know she doesn't have to know I wanted all of that and I wanted to hug her tonight because I 'feel' a need to remind both of us she belongs to me and I want to feel that ass over me.

* * *

I hear him say, "Hu." I look away from those hips, see Caesar looking at me, and he says, "I know he pissed off Jazzy girl but you letting me fuck him up alright." That fucken idiot she slapped yesterday in her fourth period.

I nod, look back at those hips, I exhale, and say, "What he said." I hear my brother say, "Sounds like what twenty-five from Chi-Town said, 'bout those two fucken assholes and reason we were at the courts that night."

I inhale, look over at that table and see him looking at the line, where those hips are, again. Fucken asshole. I close my eyes, crack my neck, open them, and see him still looking in that direction. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. Then, I feel my eyebrow rise and that reflex come back up seeing that girl that was here yesterday talking about her party and asking him if he's going to go. I try not to be judgmental, regardless of how I see the world, only because it could obstruct my view of the truth, but these students, teenagers.

I hear Hiro say, "You'll think everyone, you know, just not our girls, but everyone at this fucken school fucked 'round with at least half the people here?" I see that girl look over here and before I feel that reflex come up, I turn back to those hips, and exhale, feeling the reflex settle down. It's possible my standards for people are too high as well, but I couldn't care less.

I see those eyes look over here, see that smile, feeling that warmth at this distance, and say, "Statistics on the U.S. population show forty percent of high school students have had sex by the time they enter the tenth grade and within that group ten percent have had multiple partners but." I exhale, seeing that smile and watching her tell Lauren that she does feel better today, feel my exhale longer, and say, "Those statistics are conservative because many teenagers lie about the amount of partners they've had even on anonymous surveys, which means it's closer to half of the student population that's had sex by our age and probably close to half of those have had multiple partners, most of the time not having used protection, because most kids have what they call the idiot superman complex where they think they won't get pregnant or contract an STD and." I see her laugh, see her hug Ming, see her put her hand on that stomach where I finished last night, feel my smirk, and say, "That means based on those four, there's a high chance, if we were to place any other six students from this school next to them, only one of those other six, at most, would not have had a sexual partner but more than likely would have had at least one partner, if not several by now."

I hear my brother say, "How you know for sure, 'bout them four?" I feel my eyebrow rise, look over, and see him looking at me with that smirk. I exhale and say, "I do try to give them privacy not lip reading what they talk about Riley but it's fairly easy considering whenever any of them talks about even spending the night, they all get nervous and do not speak for at least several minutes. Most teenagers that have had that kind of experience are able to at least speak about it without getting nervous, some even flaunt their experience, including women."

I see him exhale with that idiot smirk, reminding me he is my brother, looks away, and he says, "I know McHater. Shit, I 'on't really care man. Long as it C-Murph, I couldn't give two shits what she's done."

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing my brother, and hear Hiro say, "Fuck you Riley. Your ass fucken cares. Shit you're fucken happy she ain't been with anyone." I see my brother look up at Hiro, see him exhale, and he says, "Well, she been with people, just not what I thought man."

I look back up at those four, see her leaning on her sister's shoulders, with her sister's arms around her stomach, and hear my brother say, "But I ain't gonna lie. I like that I'm the first guy." I look back at my brother, see him looking at the table, smirking, and hear Caesar say, "For real man?" I see him look up, see his eyebrow rise with that smirk, look at Caesar, and he says, "Well, she just liked them, nothing serious, I'm her first fucken everything man, and shit it's C-Murph, I'd be with her even if there was some befor' my ass, just need to fuck them all up."

I hear their cackles, shake my head, feeling my smirk, and look back up at that bun, knowing she woke up late, we both did, and lick my lips, waiting for Saturday night.

Then I hear Caesar say, "Yeah, I'm actually alright with her having seen people before my ass. Makes it easier, explaining and shit, 'bout exes and why you were fucked up for a minute and why you need a minute to trust again." I exhale, look back down at him, see him smirking at the table, see him inhale, and he says, "But I ain't gonna lie man. I like that she didn't sleep over that fucker's house ever or let his ass get far with her cuz she's fucken smart and knew not to trust his punk ass, but." I see him exhale and he says, "She trust me."

I look back up, see those four in that line, see them laughing at Lauren teaching them other curse words in Spanish, feel my eyebrow rise, wondering how much that soft afro knows that I haven't asked her about, and hear Hiro say, "Yeah man, can you believe that fucker was her first date man, like fucken ever?" I hear my brother say, "Well C-Murph tol' my ass she was real shy last year, only talked to the team."

I hear an exhale, look back down at Hiro, see him looking at the table, and he says, "Nah man. She just, you know, she didn't." I see him inhale and he says, "She just didn't know what she looked like."

I look back up at those four, feel my smirk seeing those small hands on those hips, see her extend her hands out, possibly measuring, feeling my eyebrow rise, and see her put those hands down. I look back up at the face, see her purse those full lips and look down and away. I feel my exhale and say, "Low self-esteem."

I hear a few exhales, see those lips smile at her sister, kiss her head, and hear my brother say, "Yeah. She 'on't say it cuz she thinks it's a punk ass thing to say, but C-Murph got that shit, thinking she looks." I look back down at my brother, see him looking at the table, and he says, "Different."

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah, Ming covers that shit up with that attitude, but she got her issues, even though it's fucken weird cuz I ain't lying, Chantel was the only girl I was with but I saw a few after her, just hung out you know, and Ming, Ming, she's." I look over at him, see him looking at the table, and he says, "Been the hottest one." I feel my eyebrow rise and he says, "Just don't see how girls that look like that, they, they just can't see it, but it's the other ones, the ones that are just alright, not even cute man, they think they're the shit. But Ming, she just don't see what she looks like, I mean she thinks what Hu said yesterday was that the school thinks she's cute and what Riley said was that she's nice. I don't get how she don't see it, what the fuck the school sees, the fuck I see."

I inhale, look back up at that bun, those eyes, those freckles no one has to know connect, that neck I haven't kissed enough, feel my smirk seeing that green sweater that will match the color of those eyes after five today, those light blue jeans, lick my lips going down those jeans, and see those high top black converse she was wearing that day she gave me that massage. That massage. With those legs over me and those hands on my back and falling asleep to that voice telling me she liked my name. I go back up and know the truth that no one needs to know but me: She looks good in anything she wears, but I like, completely, that she's proper because that's who she is. And she doesn't know she's beautiful, she just knows I believe that, but she doesn't know she is.

I exhale and say, "Yeah." I look back down, see them all turn away from those four, see them look around, and shake my head, hearing them cackle, knowing we just all said that same exact damn word at the same time. They are my idiot friends.

Then I hear Caesar say, "Hu." I look up, see him looking at me, I nod, and say, "This weekend, both of you bring them over at noon. I'm sure we can handle anything that asshole's planning but the girls should be at their optimal defense and attack training. And there's the other problem." I inhale, look over at my brother, see him inhale, and he says, "I knows McHater. Been going through the recordings at Ms. S's office. Nothing. I also called some." I see him exhale, feel my eyebrow rise, and he says, "Connects." I feel my eyebrows lower, see him exhale, and he says, "I ain't selling shit Huey. Damn. Just need 'em to know that punk ass out there and I 'on't fucken care what I gotta do. That fucker could hurt Ms. S and she, she." I see him look away and he says, "She her momma to now and took her in, even if she could've moved in with us, she could've, but she wanted Ms. S and Jazzy. She wanted a family again and they gave her that shit. And I 'on't fucken care who I gotta call, what I gotta do, we finding that punk ass and making his ass leave. And I'ma call anyone and do what I gotta do so that shit happens."

I exhale and say, "Good." I see him look back at me, see him nod, and hear Caesar say, "My uncle said they still don't got leads." I inhale, look at him, and say, "Not yet. Through my own investigating I also found out his cell phone number was disconnected months ago. More than likely he's using one that's under another person's name, same with wherever he's staying, and how he's paying to stay there. I also tracked his credit card usage and found the last time he used them was in New York in August, while we were in Chicago." I exhale, knowing there's a connection there and I need to find it soon, now, and hear Hiro say, "Probably using someone else's money, credit cards. His job's?" I inhale, shake my head, and say, "It is possible but highly unlikely since Sarah said there's still a pending investigation from threatening the judge proceeding over their divorce last year, and his last job, after being fired by the DA's office, was at a small law firm, and if they're smart, would not help him go undetected this long." I exhale, knowing it's possible they have been helping him because they are idiots, because attorneys, law firms, can be just as ass backwards as the masses of this world. I inhale and look down at my cell phone. My contacts through the wireless service business haven't found any leads either, including phone calls made from any state but Louisiana to their home phone. Shit.

I hear Caesar say, "Girl, we all kind of tired this week." I inhale, look up, and see her. I close my eyes, look down, open them, see my phone again, and consider going out there myself. I can start on the east side of downtown where the hotels are.

I hear her say, "Look I just." I exhale, thinking about starting Saturday morning, and hear her say, "I just don't get it. Just tell me what I gotta do." I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, see her looking at me, and hear my brother say, "Tell you what?" I see her exhale, see she's about to break, again, and she says, "Why won't he just wanna be with me. I'm pretty, I know I am. You guys know that. But that stupid news report and now the school won't stop talking about them, like it wasn't hard before and now. I just. It's like him, everyone, every stupid person at this school, now they all think they're so good, just cuz of that. But you guys know. You know how much better I still am. Even if you." I see her stop, see her look me up, and I look back down at my phone, trying to figure what time I should leave on Saturday morning. Most hotel offices open at six am and I can break in before then to go through their records to see if he checked into any of them. They would ask him for his identification regardless of who's paying for the room.

I hear her exhale and she says, "Even if you are stuck with girls that you're only with because you've known forever but really, you want something different, Huey." I exhale, thinking it's possible for me to start at four in the morning. Most of those offices close from four to six after checking in people looking for a room for the night.

I hear her say, "Really Huey, please." I inhale, trying to figure how to go about this plan and not have her worry when she somehow finds out about it, knowing how aware she can be, even if I'm trying to not show my tiredness.

I hear that girl say, "Look Huey, just." I exhale and say, "No." I hear her inhale and hear her say, "Why? You know he won't be serious with me, me, or anyone, that stupid bitch Michelle, anyone, because he's waiting for her. But." I inhale, look up at her, see her eyes are still red, but at least she's not at the breaking point anymore, meaning I do not have to deal with watching another girl cry this week, even though the one from yesterday has more significance because she was crying over a burden that is mine, mine to fucken carry, and I am selfish and the girl crying yesterday matters to me quiet literal, significantly more.

I see her eyes water, feel my inhale, and she says, "I've been waiting for you Huey, I have. I know people say things about me but it's not true. I promise. It's just that I know what I want and I get it because I know how to get it. I have confidence, like you Huey, that's why they say I'm mean, but she's." I see her exhale, feel my eyebrow rise, and she says, "She's two-faced and if you stay with her she's going to leave you for him. She will. So be with me and I'll be good to you."

I'm aware my brother and friends are cackling. It started exactly two and a half seconds ago. I also know I want to feel that thigh right now and I get to ask for anything so long as she's willing to give it to me.

I inhale, stand up, see her look up at me, see the lowcut shirt, feel my eyebrow rise, and know I'm a man in many ways already, specifically in the fact that I like how fullness feels in my hand and how much I like finishing on a soft stomach and we're nowhere near Saturday night. I exhale, walk around her, and feel a cold hand grab my arm. I inhale, see that fucken idiot I'm going to kill look at me, and hear her say, "Remember Huey, I said I'd have you and I don't care what people say about me, I get what I want. And I promise, he's only good for now but you're the one I want to take home, you're the one that even my parents would like because you're smart, you're hot, and you're at my level. They wouldn't even care that you don't have that much money. They wouldn't."

And then I see that bun to my left. Shit. I twist my wrist out, feel her let go, turn towards that bun, take those two steps up, bend down to grab those hips, and feel her trying to climb over me, hearing that voice say, "I'm going to drag you out you troll! Don't touch him!," and feel my inhale with her squirming in my hands trying to get to that girl over my shoulder.

I hear that girl say, "I'll touch him when I want and you'll get yours! All of you! Specially you! And I don't care what your ugly ass mom with her fat ass does!" I feel her jump out of my arms, and grab those thighs over my shoulder, hearing the slap behind me. Shit.

I hear Jazmine's sister say, "Next time my ride-or-die ain't gonna stop me from fucking you up you ugly ass bitch! No one talks 'bout our momma! No one! Specially no fucken skinny ass troll that's fucken jealous cuz she ain't got nothing that anybody be wanting to touch you ugly skinny…" I exhale, stand up, look over, see my brother with Cindy over his shoulder, hearing her still continue cursing, feel the thighs I'm holding trying to still climb out, and hear Caesar say, "Take 'em man. Bitch ass counselor isn't here yet. Go." I see my brother nod and I turn holding that thigh and start running to the emergency door to the right, knowing too many saw that. Fuck.

* * *

I hear the door handle, look over, see the door open, and see him walk in. I exhale, feel my eyebrow rise seeing a security guard walk in after him, and I start giggling.

I see him look over at me, smile, and feel that hand touch my thigh, feeling my cheeks get warm.

I see him squint his eyes at me, turn back to Mr. Delay, walk up to him, see him give him a note, and I look down and start putting my notebook and color pens in my backpack.

I hear Mr. Delay say, "Jazmine, can you," I stand up, see him looking at me with a raised eyebrow, put my backpack over my shoulder, walk up to him, smile, and say, "Yes Mr. Delay. They're here for me. I'll get the notes from Huey and you can give him copies of any worksheets you give us and I'll make sure to do them tonight and bring them tomorrow."

I see him smile, shake his head with that smile, and he says, "Why is one of my best students being escorted to the principal's office by not only one counselor but a security guard?"

I open my mouth to tell him Mr. Leon's probably following school rules and honestly I'm okay with a security guard going with us because I might say something really dumb to Mr. Leon if I'm alone with him and get even more in trouble, and hear Mr. Leon say, "She's a menace and needs to be treated," and I hear a chair move.

I look back, see him standing, and say, "Huey, no. Please let me take care of this. It was my fault okay?" I see him exhale and hear Mr. Leon say, "Like the menace she is." I see him move around his desk, feel my eyes get big, and say, "Bestie, trust me." I see him stop, feel my exhale, smile at him, and I say, "And I need today's notes okay?"

I see him exhale, see those cute pursed lips, and hear Mr. Delay say, "I'll let you out early Huey, please sit down." I look back at Mr. Delay, see him walking back to the board, and hear Mr. Leon say, "You cannot let students leave early from," and hear Mr. Delay cut him off with, "Ron you have no say in my classroom, your power begins outside of that door, and." I feel my smirk, see him writing on the chalkboard, and he says, "If you're taking one of my best students who actually participates and has an A in this class and she's not back by tomorrow, I will be asking the front office why that is and how you were involved. Now leave, because you've taken up too much of my class time." Okay, Mr. Delay's awesome. He's always funny and I like when he rolls his eyes at how bad the textbooks we use are, but I didn't know he was this awesome.

I hear an exhale and hear Mr. Leon say, "Let's go Ms. Dubois." I feel a hand grab my arm, look back at Mr. Leon, hear steps behind me, twist my wrist out like my bestie showed me, feel him let go, and I say, "Don't touch me." I see his eyes open, see them squint, feel my bestie's heat on my back, and hear someone say, "Sir, you're not allowed to touch a student, that is why I am here."

I hear an exhale and hear Mr. Delay's voice say, "I hope you don't feel like you can overstep your grounds with my student Ron, specifically because we all know your discomfort with the minority group in this school."

I see Mr. Leon exhale, see him getting red, and hear someone say, "Ms. Dubois, please follow me." I look over, see the security guard looking at me and see that he kind of looks like Frank with how tall he is, his nice small afro, those light brown eyes, and that warm smile. I think he's a new security guard. I smile, look at his tag, wonder if he's mix like me, look up at him, and say, "Yes, Mr. Ramirez."

I look back, kiss that chin, see him exhale that annoyed cute exhale, smile, and say, "Take good notes." I see him roll his eyes and hope I can remember to kiss him later so I can keep annoying him more.

I turn back to the security guard, smile, walk up to him, see him open the door for me, hear steps behind, knowing they're Mr. Leon's and hope I don't slap another person this week.

* * *

I lay my head on that shoulder, close my eyes, smell that coconut lotion, and say, "Did they text sis?" I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Yeah. Tol' em' your phone's dead but we a'ight. And tol' 'em to not come cuz I don't want them getting in trouble with that fucker Leon roaming looking for them to bring 'em in but we'll text 'em after."

I smile, knowing she thinks about others way more than people think, open my eyes looking at the clock in the conference room, turn to her, kiss that head, hear her giggle, and I say, "What's that?" I see her lean into me, I look down at her phone, and see a video of Doberman puppies sleeping on tiny hammocks, rocking back and forth. Oh my god. I say, "I want one sissy!" I hear her giggle and hear her say, "Me to boo. After Riles sent it to me I tol' him I wants five."

I start laughing and hear her say, "Gonna name the first one Riles number one, next one Riles number two, and then Riles number three, and you knows." I laugh, exhale, put my head back on that shoulder, and hear her say in that tiny voice, "Haven't tol' his ass but, if we, you know, ever got to name kids and shit, I wanna name the first one Riley, and if it's a girl, Rosa Riley, since he tol' me that's his momma's name." I exhale, smile, and say, "I wanna name the first one Huey, and if it's a girl, Sarah Rose."

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "I love you sissy and I'll fuck up anyone for you and our momma." I turn, kiss that shoulder, put my head back on it, and say, "Same sis and remember always, you're my every everything."

I hear the door open, exhale, see the principal walk in first, then my mom, followed by Mrs. McNeil, then Ms. Lola, and finally Ashley, holding an ice pack to her cheek, again. Don't smile Jazmine. You're in trouble. Both your sister and you are in trouble. And I get that feeling of déjà vu again.

Then I feel her shoulders shaking and can't help it and start giggling. I hear the principal say, "Girls, this is no laughing matter." I exhale, sit up straight, and say, "Yes ma'am," look over at my sister and smile, knowing we said that at the same time.

I feel that warm hand I've known my whole life on my shoulder and hear my mom say, "Baby can you move so I can sit next to both of you?" I turn, kiss that hand, and say, "Yes mom."

I move over, see my mom sit down, and exhale, knowing she's missing work again because of this dumb high school stuff my sister and me are going through.

I hear the principal say, "Okay, now, this is the second time this year we are in here. This time it involves two of my star students, one who happens to be doing really well on a school sports team, and I really do not want to punish anyone here but." I look up at the principal, see her looking down at the table, see her shake her head, and says, "There is physical evidence that an altercation took place and one of my students who is accusing the other two of attacking her says she was sitting at her table during lunch and the other two students went to her table and without any provocation attacked her." I exhale, hear my sister exhale, and feel my mom grab my hand. I look over at my sister, see my mom grabbing her hand, and see her pursed lips.

I hear the principal say, "And then of course there's the problem that there was no staff at the scene to determine how it occurred, other than of course several students' version of the altercation." I see my sister turn to the principal and I turn to look at her to. I see her look up, exhale, see her look over at Ashley, and she says, "Who have all said what we were told a few minutes ago was not how the event occurred, but in reality it was the other way around and the student who was attacked actually was at the table where the other two students normally have lunch, yelled things I will not be repeating, and one of the students got angry and attacked her."

I feel my smile, knowing at least some kids in this school said the truth, hear something fall on the table, look over at Ashley, see the icepack on the table, look up at her, see that purple mark, know from my training that is going to bruise, and see the nail marks on that bruise. I want to feel bad but I don't, not after what she said about my mom.

I see her exhale and she says, "They're all lying." I roll my eyes, hear my sister's exhale, and hear Ms. Lola's warm voice say, "Ashley, we talked about lying and it's highly unlikely all separate twenty-five students that we randomly asked were all lying."

I hear an inhale and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Well they were lying and my daughter was attacked by these two, these two." I look over at Mrs. McNeil, see her squint her eyes at us, open her mouth, and hear my mom say, "I would be careful with the terminology you use when addressing my daughters." I feel my smirk, see Mrs. McNeil raise her chin, see her eyebrow rise, and she says, "They look to be the same age but do not look similar. How are they both yours?"

I inhale, feel that squeeze on my hand, and hear my sister say, "That ain't your business lady."

I see her eyes open, I snicker, and see her look over at me. I hear the principal say, "Now that is a family affair and that is not to be discussed here Mrs. McNeil, we are here to discuss what," and I hear the door open.

I look over, see someone did open the door, and see the student that was at the front desk pop his head in. I see him look over at my mom, see him blush, and I giggle. I hear the principal say, "Yes Henry, is it important because we are not to be interrupted?"

I see him swallow, see him look at the principal with that blush, and he says, "Yes Principal Harris, you have a really important phone call." I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at the principal, and she says, "Can it wait until we're done?" I hear him say, "Well, it's a really important person on the phone Principal Harris."

I see her exhale, see her look over at Ms. Lola across the table, and hear Ms. Lola say, "Please go take the call principal and I'll stay in here." I see her exhale, smile, and she says, "Thank you Ms. Lola." I see her stand and then hear her walk out of the room and close the door behind her.

I exhale, look over at my mom, and say, "Sorry mama," and stop, seeing my sister smile at me. How do we do that all the time, talk at the same time, with the same words? I laugh, hearing my mom and Ms. Lola laughing, and then hear Mrs. McNeil's voice say, "You're Cynthia's daughter."

I inhale, look over at Mrs. McNeil, and hear my mom say, "She's mine. She belongs to me and you will address her as so."

I see her squint her eyes, raise her chin, and she says, "I knew her from the country club until they," and hear my mom cut her off with, "Stop." I see her inhale, look at my mom, and kind of know now where Ashley gets those eyes, and hear my mom say, "You will not speak to her as if you know her as I do not plan on speaking to your daughter. She is mine, she belongs to me, legally and more importantly, in the way it matters because she is mine. And I do not care how you knew those people, but believe me, and I do not give a second chance when it comes to my daughters as they are far more forgiving than I am, considering how your daughter continues to harass them and their friends, I would be careful how you speak to either one of them right now or ever."

I feel like crying I'm so happy. I see Mrs. McNeil exhale and she says, "Fine, but know I get tired of this. I do not want to be here. I have far more important things to attend to than this childish behavior so just keep them away from her."

I hear my sister say, "Keep that hoe 'way from our asses. She the one that be coming to our table, looking for us, throwing herself at ma bro every time when she supposed to be seeing that other dick. Shits nasty to. I means I 'on't even care what your ass does but least be using protection with that dick, heard he a hoe to."

I see Mrs. McNeil's mouth open, blink, and I start laughing. I hear her say, "Why do you speak in a such a way? Didn't you learn the proper way for a young lady of your class to speak in public?" I look at her, feel my eyebrow rise, and hear my mom say, "I'm sorry do you mean the working class because that's what I am? Even as a licensed attorney, I must work in order to support my family and so, how would you expect for my daughter to speak?"

I feel my smirk, squeeze my mom's hand, see Mrs. McNeil exhale, squinting her eyes at my mom, and hear Ashley say, "It's cuz she thinks she's black." Seriously?

I exhale and hear Ms. Lola's voice say, "And how do black people speak Ashley?" I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, and see Ashley exhale, looking away.

Then I hear Mrs. McNeil's voice say, "Ashley you're being raised to speak up, so speak up and answer that question."

I feel my eyebrow rise, kind of feel bad for Ashley for a tiny second, see her look at Mrs. McNeil, squint her eyes at her, and exhale feeling my mom's warm hand squeezing my hand. Then I see Ashley raise her chin looking at Mrs. McNeil and she says, "Ghetto."

Wow. Okay. I exhale and hear Ms. Lola's voice say, "Thank you for answering that Ashley."

I see Ashley exhale, look away, see her smirk, and she says, "Well, it's true."

Wow. I hear my mom's exhale and then hear my sister say, "Yeah. You's right hoe. I be hearing the ghetto talk all day long cuz ma man's black, ma pop's, and my big bro, you knows, Huey."

I feel my smirk and my cheeks getting warm, look over at Ashley, see her eyes get big, and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Ashley Bertha McNeil!" I look over at my sister, see her eyes open, see her month, 'Bertha?' and I start laughing. Oh Black Jesus.

I hear Ashley say, "But he's not a normal black guy mom! And it's not just him! It's him and his brother, Riley, and his friends! All the girls want them! And they're all hot! And they're actually not stupid and they're like the only good guys in the school! And they're hot! And he's hot! And I want him! I want Huey!"

I exhale and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "You think your father would be okay with you dating some some!"

I hear my sister say, "Don't even trip hoe's momma. Ain't like she gonna have 'em. They 'on't want her ass. And hoe better not even say anything 'bout my man. I know he's hot and I will beat you for him."

I feel my smirk and see Mrs. McNeil look at my mom, see her blink with her mouth open, and she says, "And you let them date them!"

I inhale and hear my mom say, "Yes I do. And I agree with your daughter on one thing only and that is that they are really great, intelligent boys and I'm quite sure they have numerous girls that like them but apparently they want to date my daughters because they are also intelligent and beautiful along with their two friends who are also dating their friends. And why wouldn't I want my daughters seeing such wonderful boys, one of which will probably be significantly successful in the legal field or any other field he chooses to go into and the other who I know has more talent in one finger than most artists at his age, and further more why would I stop my daughters from dating someone that's black when my first husband is black and my boyfriend is not only the best looking man I have ever seen and happens to also be black but is the most intelligent man I have come across in and out of my field? So why would I deprive them of seeing those two boys, who are talented black young men, and I also happen to adore?"

I hear an inhale and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "How low you've gone child." I inhale and say, "Do not talk to my sister like that Mrs. McNeil."

I see Mrs. McNeil look at me, see her open her mouth, and then I hear Ashley say, "He's mine and I'm gonna have him! I can have anyone at this school! I'm prettiest girl here, have way more money than you'll ever have, and he's the only guy that's at my level! The only one!"

I inhale, look at Ashley, know I'm going to slap her really, really soon, feel my mom squeeze my hand, and hear my sister say, "Then why you messing 'round with that other dick? Your hoe ass knows none of the guys, that includes ma big bro, ever gonna touch your ass after you messed 'round with that dick right? I mean that dick gotta have some'ing, herpes or some shit, after all 'em girls the school knows he messed 'round with since he got here."

I see Ashley inhale, see her chin rise, and hear my mom say, "Baby, do you mean one of those two boys from Chicago?" I snicker, hear my sister laughing, see Ashley getting red, probably angry, and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "You're sleeping with a, a." I hear my sister say, "Called a black guy ma'am."

I start laughing and hear Ashley say, "And what! I don't care! It's only for high school anyways. After I'll be with anyone you want me to be with. I just wanna have fun right now and do whatever I want." I stop laughing, exhale, feeling sorry for her no matter what she's done or said, and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "That's fine, just don't get pregnant. I don't care what you do, but don't mess it up by getting pregnant and then having people find out about some abortion we'll have to get you. I did what I did in high school but made sure to not get pregnant, so don't mess up Ashley, and make sure you line up with the right family soon. That's why you're at this school, remember that."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at my mom and sister, see them both exhale looking at me, smile at how pretty they both are, see them smile at me, and feel my heart swell, knowing I'm really happy.

Then hear Ashley say, "I'm trying mom but he didn't wanna even talk to me or wanna introduce me to his grandson. I tried okay."

I feel my eyes get big, remembering Thanksgiving and giving out that food at the shelter, and then he showed up. I see their pretty faces getting that confused look and I say, "The Wunclers?" I hear Mrs. McNeil inhale and hear her, "That's the only family at our level."

I see my sister's eyebrow rise, see her smirk, see her start laughing, and I can't help and start laughing to. I hear my mom laughing and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "What's so amusing about that? It's not like you're ever going to be in the same room as that family so how is that even slightly amusing?"

I look at Ashley, see her look away, and feel my eyebrow rise. Okay. I guess she didn't tell her mom everything that happened at the shelter. Good. I kind of don't want someone like her mom knowing we know the Wunclers.

Then I hear the door open and exhale, watching the principal walk in in her dark gray jacket and long skirt. I want to leave to go back to class. Then I hear the bell ring. Darn it. I hear my sister exhale and hear her say, "Man, art's next with Riles." I exhale, put my head on my mom's shoulder and say, "Yeah, Chemistry with Lena is next for me and I missed history with Huey."

I see the principal sit down, see her exhale, see her smile at us, and she says, "You're all free to go."

I feel my forehead scrunch and I say, "Principal Harris?" I see her smile again and she says, "I was just on the phone with Mr. Wuncler and," and hear Mrs. McNeil cut her off with, "Is he coming?" I see the principal look over at Mrs. McNeil and she says, "No. But he did say the incident that occurred today was insignificant considering their good attendance and record and the outstanding contributions both of Ms. Dubois's daughters have given to the school and so, if anyone in this room wants to pursue this incident any further, they will have to speak to the Wunclers' legal representation."

I feel my mouth open, look over at my sister, see her smirking at me, and feel my smile. We still need to pay them for the guns and equipment they overnighted to Chicago. I see that smile, the one that belongs to our mom and me, the 'beans would go to war' one, and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "And how do you know the Wunclers if you have no money or class?"

I exhale and hear my mom say, "As my daughter said earlier, that is none of your business, but." I feel my smirk, seeing my sister smirking at me, look over at Mrs. McNeil, see her looking at my mom with that bleach blonde hair and blue eyes, know it's not just how she looks but my mom is so much more beautiful because she's warm and funny and just the best mom ever, and I hear my mom say, "It is possible some people, even ones that have some money, care about other things as well, like being respectful, honest, and having strong and magnificent spirits like my daughters have, more so than they care about having more money or class and possibly surrounding themselves with people that have the right kind of skin color."

I feel my smile and see Ashley look at me. I see her squint her eyes at me and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Ashley we're leaving." I see Ashley inhale and she says, "This isn't," but I cut her off with, "It is. It's over. You come near my friends, my family, my Huey, and I will slap you and I will drag you out of the school. And I know my sister and friends will do that if you get close to their boyfriends. So, stay, away, Ashley. Don't come near us. We don't care if you're with that jerk. I don't care if you're with that jerk. And I just want to keep him and you away from Huey so he can keep focusing on school because he's gonna be a big attorney one day like my mom, helping innocent people stay out of jail, and he can't do that if you're always bothering him. And my little sister's right, don't you talk about his brother or their friends. They're not just what you said, they're really good guys and are really happy with their girlfriends and those girlfriends, my sister who's the strongest and prettiest girl I know, will defend their boyfriends, so don't even try it because they will fight you and I will fight you, so don't come looking."

I see her open her mouth and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Those boys sound like they're worth it." I feel my eyes open, look over at her, see her inhale, see her look at Ashley, and she says, "You know the rules. And you know there are limitations to how much we can allow, specifically when it comes to going against the likes of the Wunclers."

I see Ashley look at Mrs. McNeil, see her eyes open, and she says, "You cannot be serious! You're just gonna let them do whatever they want! And I'm gonna talk to his grandson! You'll see! But you can't let them," and hear Mrs. McNeil cut her off with, "Shut up Ashley! It's already embarrassing enough that I have to deal with coming here for these things, these immature acts of yours, and finding out about the things you're doing here that could get to the Wunclers! What will they think of you if they find out! How will they think of you!"

I see Ashley inhale and she says, "I don't care! I want what I want! I'll ask daddy and he'll get it for me!" I hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Ashley! Be an adult about this!" I see Ashley exhale, see her look at me, and she says, "You'll all regret it." I feel my eyebrows lower, see her get up, and walk out of the room, followed by a screaming Mrs. McNeal.

I look over at my mom and sister, see them looking at me, see them smile, and hear Ms. Lola say, "Well now, I think it's time for these two loves to go to their fourth period that's about to start while we adults have some coffee before we all head back to our respective employment."

I look over at Ms. Lola, smile, and hear the principal say, "That sounds like a splendid idea Ms. Lola. I'll make the coffee. And you two have two other students of mine out there waiting so I suggest you hurry."

I look over at my sister, see her looking at me, and she says, "Let's go sis." I look up at mom, give her a kiss on her cheek, stand up, see my sister hug my mom, see her saying something to her in her ear, and feel my heart get so much bigger. I'm so happy. I whisper, "I'll be outside sissy."

I grab my backpack, turn around, smile at Ms. Lola, and walk around her, wanting to see that tall smart guy that's going to be an attorney one day.

* * *

I walk out and feel my eyebrow rise, hearing Mrs. McNeil's voice say, "And what law school are you planning on attending?" No.

I walk out into the open room where the front desk is and see Mrs. McNeil standing next to Ashley in front of Huey and Riley.

I see those eyes look over at me, see that deep burgundy, feel my cheeks getting warm, and hear him say, "Excuse me." I see him walk around them, hear Ashley say, "Huey, wait," feel my smile seeing him taking those steps towards me, see him get to me, crane my neck to look up at that chin, see him look down at me, see him exhale, and he says, "What took you so long?"

I feel my smile get bigger, hear Mrs. McNeil ask Riley if he knows how hard it is to get picked for a basketball team even if he's good, and I hear him say, "Jazzy." I look away from those eyes, see Riley looking at me, and he says, "C-Murph?" I smile and say, "She's with my mom, she's coming." I see him exhale, see him turn to Mrs. McNeil, and he says, "Don't matter. I'll make it. And you ain't gotta tell me how hard it is. Less than five percent get drafted from college and that only happens if you go to a college that got a good team, least a known team. Not hard, close to impossible, but I'll make it. We both will."

I smile, feel that hand on my stomach, inhale, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "You mean you and Cynthia's daughter?" I inhale, move up, and feel that hand on my stomach holding me.

I see Riley inhale and he says, "Cindy ain't related to that hoe." I hear Mrs. McNeil inhale and hear her say, "How do you refer to an adult, a woman, in that way?" I see him smirk that Riley Freeman smirk, know I'm about to laugh, and he says, "Cuz she is. I know what a hoe is. Seen 'nough, at ma last school and this school, and a hoe." I see him stop, see him look down at Ashley, and he says, "Is a female that has sex with anyone just cuz, she 'on't even gotta like his ass, she just does, thinking that makes other guys want her, but it don't. Guys, and I'ma say this coming from a black guy, we don't give a shit what females do only if they do it cuz they wanna do it, cuz it's what they wanna do, not to make other guys want 'em, even if that's having sex with fucking idiots from Chi-Town I will beat whenever he looks at ma girl." I feel my eyebrow rise. Riley cannot be saying she slept with Dewey, right?

I hear Ashley inhale, see Riley's eyebrows lower, and he says, "Yeah. I 'on't talk shit, but I knows 'nough. Don't know how many know, if that other punk ass knows, but hey, I wouldn't even worry 'bout that shit, cuz I heard they like sharing hoes." I feel my mouth open, feel that warm hand going over my stomach, feel my cheeks getting warmer, hear Mrs. McNeil inhale, see Riley look at her, and he says, "So I'ma say this how white people don't think we can talk, saying the whole word like this." I see him clear his throat, feel a hand on my shoulder that belongs to my little sister, and he says, "Both our asses will make it to the NBA and I will do my art on the side, even if it don't bring any money, because it ain't about that, it's about what it means to me. And." I see him look back down at Ashley, see him inhale, and he says, "Keep going 'round the block cuz it won't change shit when it comes to me, ma brother, and ma friends. None of us talks 'bout your ass cuz we got girls, girls that be doing shit with themselves, winning cuz they win, helping people cuz that's what they do, and I 'on't give a shit what you'll family or this school thinks 'bout ma ass, cuz I'm just another black guy that plays ball, I got family that knows I'ma make it and a girl that gonna make it bigger than you'll even think, and I 'on't want your ass either."

I feel my smile, hear Mrs. McNeil inhale, and hear her say, "Are you saying my daughter isn't good enough for people like you?" I exhale, see Riley look at her with his raised eyebrow, and hear my mom's voice say, "Riley isn't the kind of person to say he's better than anyone but I suggest you stop disgracing yourself Mrs. McNeil by speaking to my daughter's boyfriend, who's close enough to consider a son, in that way."

I see Riley look over here, see him smirk, and hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Let's go Ashley." I hear that shriek say, "But mom! I wanna stay and Huey," I exhale and I say, "And I will drag you out." I see her turn to me, see her raise her chin, see her look down at my stomach, and I put my hand over his hand. Mine. I see her eyes open, see her take a step up to me, and I hear Mrs. McNeil say, "No allowance Ashley!" I see her stop, see her eyes open, see her look back at Mrs. McNeil and she says, "But mom!"

I hear Mrs. McNeil say, "Car now or nothing!" I see Ashley look away, see her exhale, see her turn, and walk out of the room. I exhale and see Mrs. McNeil look back at Riley and see him look back at her with that raised eyebrow.

I hear her exhale and after a few seconds she turns to us and I see her look up at Huey's back. I see her eyes squint and she says, "I have one daughter. But I wanted," I see her stop, see her exhale, and she says, "Someone that would be accomplished, driven, potent, and able to carry my husband's family's name and I did not get that." I feel my eyes open, see her look over at my mom, see her exhale, squint her eyes, and she says, "I also wanted more, but I was told it would only be feasible to remain at a certain class level if I had only one child." I exhale. Wow. That's so.

I see her look down and away, see her exhale, and she says, "Really, even daughters that had those qualities would have been sufficient, but instead I have to deal with a child that's more like her father than I would've wanted."

I exhale, trying to figure out if I feel bad for her, but it doesn't matter, she just seems so sad.

Then I hear my sister's voice say, "Don't be lying. She just like you. We all know 'bout Leon."

I feel my eyes open, see Mrs. McNeil look over at my sister, and she says, "How do you," and hear my sister cut her off with, "Cuz everyone knows everyone's business here lady. What you think? That shit ain't gonna go 'round after your ass was caught? Shit, everyone knows 'bout that shit and everyone knows they ever say that hoe's name in my face, like your ass did in there, they don't wake up 'till the next day, so watch your mouth 'bout who ma momma and ma only sister are, and I'ma tell you right now, I 'on't like your hoe ass daughter, she's a stupid." I hear her inhale, know my mom's probably holding her hand, I exhale and finish for her, "She's a dumb girl but." I see Mrs. McNeil look over at me, see her raise her chin, and I say, "That doesn't mean we won't fight her and next time our boyfriends' aren't going to stop us from getting to her and making sure she knows we'll defend ourselves every, single, time, and we don't need money or people with money for that because that's what our mom taught us."

I see Mrs. McNeil inhale, see her look back at my sister, and see her exhale. I see her eyes fall on Huey, see her inhale, see her turn back at Riley, and see her exhale again, almost like she's judging us. But why? Then I see her look back at me, see her purse her lips, see her exhale, and she says, "Accomplished, driven, potent." I feel my eyes open, see her look at my mom, and she says, "I cannot control her and so I have no say in how things go from here. I can only take so much away, materially, before she runs to him and he gives her everything back. And." I see her close her eyes, open them, and she says, "I have far more important things, events, galas, clubs, that need my attention and this has taken half of my day already." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my mom say, "Maybe, if you spent more time with your daughter, she wouldn't have these problems."

I see her exhale and she says, "Do you know what it's like to be part of the social class I am in? The ways in which you're involved, the time you must give to each event, and the energy it takes to deal with a misbehaved child when your husband does nothing to help but give her everything she wants to shut her up? Do you know what that is like?"

I exhale, not liking her talking to my mom like that, and hear my mom say, "No I do not and I sympathize with you." I see Mrs. McNeil's eyes open, I look over at my mom, see her exhale, and she says, "But I know what it's like to have a husband that is constantly being subjugated to discrimination at work, regardless of how many years or education, licenses, and experience he has, and then having him come home in a manner I choose to not remember and look at you like you're part of the problem because you look too much like those people at work, the ones that make him feel like he's not worth the more difficult, noteworthy cases, and then having him look at my beautiful daughter and her wonderful friend, that's become as close to me as the second daughter I wanted to have, like they are part of the problem because they also look like those people at work. And." I see mom exhale, know my eyes are getting watery, and she says, "Although I do not believe in having relationships outside of the sanctity of marriage, I do understand the want, the hope, to feel that you're not just the person they come home to, the person they signed a contract with, but to feel like there is some reason they married you, outside of convenience or infatuation, that were was more than just some attraction, but an actual hope to be with them your entire life, have a life with them, help them with cases late at night because you see ways, evidence, a different perspective on interpreting the law that he might not, and making you coffee in the morning not only because he knows you're tired, but because he knows the way you like your coffee made, and then having him stop doing all of those things, all of them, because you look like them, you talk like them, you are those people at work, you are the reason he's miserable, and so you should also be miserable, as long as you do what you're supposed to do and make sure she, they, are cloth, fed, safe, and happy."

I inhale, feel that hand going up and down my stomach, see my mom look at me and my sister, see her smile that beautiful smile only she has, see her look back at Mrs. McNeil, and she says, "I will not assume that your life has been easy based on having met you twice and I understand you have your reasons to live as you do but regardless of what you do with your life understand, and I hope you don't take this as me being presumptuous or condescending, that sons follow in their fathers' footsteps very closely, unless they have a strong mother to anchor them, and daughters follow their mothers' even more than that. They watch us, listen, and make their choices based on what we show them. And so I made my choices in part for myself, but largely because I wanted to keep my daughters safe, and I wanted to show them that they should never stay in such a loveless relationship, being told things a woman, a person, should never be told, being treated like someone they not only dislike, but have learned to hate, dreaming about being with a man that is proud of being who he is, regardless of the discrimination he is subjected to every day by people that think he shouldn't be running such a successful small business in the more affluent side of the city, helping him learn the nuances of running a small business, bringing you coffee to work when he knows you woke up late and didn't have time to make coffee at home, knowing how you like it, giving you a kiss afterwards, even though you know he doesn't like the taste of coffee, but he likes you, he likes you, and having him look at you, treat you, welcome you into his life, like you are the light he was waiting for to do all these things, to make the jump, literally from one state to the next, and then knowing, knowing, this will not end with him, no matter how long you know him, how long you two are together, because this is the kind of man he is, strong, capable, driven, with an unbreakable spirit that should've been broken years ago by his own heartbreaks, and still he's standing there, saying he's wanting to try again, for you, because you are the light he was waiting for, the sun to those tired old eyes."

I inhale, feel the tears on my face, feel my sister shaking, knowing we both want to be just as strong as she is one day, feel someone walk behind me, look over at my sister, and see that mocha colored hand with those scars on my sister's shoulder.

Then, I hear someone else sniffle, look over, and feel my eyes get big and clear up, seeing Mrs. McNeil's eyes are watery. I see her look away, see her exhale, and she says, "I understand and you are correct, you do not know how difficult my life has been, the choices I've made, the ones I must continue to make to uphold how I was raised, what I was told that is important, and how I've contributed in raising my daughter that way, somethings I cannot reverse, and really at this point I have cleaned my hands from that problem and it's up to her father, who I hardly speak to as it is."

I see her inhale, see a tear go down her cheek, blink, feeling more tears on my face, and she says, "I have made my bed and so has he and so we must lay in it together, regardless of what each one of us does to deal with our marriage separately." I exhale, feel that thumb on my skin on my stomach, and know I want to kiss him.

I see Mrs. McNeil look at my mom, see her exhale with those watery eyes and a few tears on her face now, and she says, "Thank you for your advice but some of us are not as free as others to choose how our life will be." I see her look at my sister and she says, "I apologize for mentioning people you are not associated with." I hear my sister exhale, see Mrs. McNeil look at me, and she says, "And to you I will warn you that my daughter is like her father in many ways, including on how she fixates on things, people, objects she wants and will be unrelenting in her pursuit of them. And after speaking to both of you." I see her look up at Huey's back and then at Riley, and she says, "And, although we are no longer close, I do know my daughter better than she knows herself, and I saw how she looked at both of you boys." I see her exhale, looking at Riley, and she says, "If she can't have one, she will have the other, that is the look she had, because you both look similar to each other, I will go as far as to say you're both quiet attractive regardless of what you are, and have qualities she likes in boys."

I exhale, see her look at me, see her purse her lips, raise her chin, and she says, "I will not speak badly about my daughter other than in speaking the truth, only because it would not benefit us for me to do so, but I will say she might finally learn the lesson that she cannot have everything her immature self wants, at least this time, based solely on her opponents."

I feel my eyes blink, clear up, and squeeze that hand playing with my stomach. I see Mrs. McNeil inhale, see her look away, and see her grab a tissue from the tissue box next to the board where they put announcements. I see her turn away and hear her say, "Have a good day."

I see her walking down the hallway, feel that thumb on my stomach, feel my smile, and hear my mom say, "And I just wanted to come out here to see my two good looking boys."

I start laughing, take a step up, feel my sister's hand leave my shoulder, put my head on that strong chest that smells like that Irish Spring soap, and hear my mom and sister laugh. Then I feel my sister's shoulder come into me, smell that coconut lotion I'm always going to love, that little bit of Hugo Boss Riley started using, and feel my mom's hands on my back.

I feel Huey exhale and feel him relax, probably because there's no one in the office right now, I think because that student Henry is in the back office helping Ms. Lola, so it's only us and it's okay if my mom's hugging us like this even if we're in school, and maybe, a little, because after being around Ashley and her mom and listening to a family that's just so, so, sad, and makes me sad, it feels extra warm and nice to have us.

* * *

I feel my smile and say, "I want to kiss you but we're already a little late." I feel him let go of my hand, feel my smirk, feel him grab my shoulder, turn me, and feel those soft lips kiss me. I close my eyes, put my hand in that hair, pull him down, and taste that tongue and those jalapenos. I really, really like jalapenos on that tongue, so much I hear myself moan his name.

Then I hear, "Again." I feel him pulling away, remember how much I like that tongue, open my eyes, look up at those eyes, and say, "You're giving us one minute Mr. Leon because after today, my mom having to come here, and my sister almost getting in trouble, all because of a dumb girl that I know you're helping, I will activate my Facebook account and post everything that happened today so people, parents, know what you do here. Now go away and give us one minute before you come back."

I hear him inhale, see those eyes look down at my lips, feel my smile, hear him say, "Ms. Dubois, you will not," and I cut him off with, "Yes I will. And I promise you Mr. Leon if you go after my sister and her boyfriend right now it'll be worse for you because she's also mad about our mom having to miss work because of that dumb girl." I hear him inhale and he says, "You will not," I lick my lips looking at those soft lips, and say, "The minute starts when you walk away Mr. Leon and don't make me mad because my mom was just here and reminded me how much I want to be like her one day."

I hear him inhale, hear him exhale, and after a few seconds I hear the footsteps walking away.

I see that mouth open, know we only have a minute, take a step back, holding that head, feel the lockers behind me now, get on my tippy toes, bring him down a little more, and lick that bottom lip. I hear him groan, feel him push me back more, taste that tongue, feeling myself leaning on the lockers, and know my mom's right, there's nothing better than being in a relationship where I can feel that he likes me, like how he likes holding my waist, and he's doing it under my shirt right now, and welcomes me into his life, like how he's letting me play with his warm hair, something that's so special to Huey, his afro, even if he never says it, makes me feel like I'm the light he's been waiting for, putting my hands down on those shoulders that I know come from his dad's family because of that picture we saw in Chicago, when he let me go with him because he needed help to go to that place and he let me hopefully be that light for him. I squeeze those shoulders, feel that bite on my lip, push him back, and jump up, putting my legs around those hips, feel him grab my butt and squeeze, like I weigh nothing, and know this, what he is, Huey Freeman, that voice, that posture, that history, that drive, that warm brain, will never end, he will never end. I feel myself leaning on the lockers again, not really knowing when he stepped back holding me, crawl my hands from those shoulders back into that hair, suck on that top lip that is the sweetest thing I've ever had my whole life, hear him exhale, feel him pull away, open my eyes, see those eyes, those deep burgundy eyes, how tired they look, and know I'm making him rest tonight and not train because he needs sleep. I see him look down at my lips and he says, "I want more but." I smile, remember how good he is at keeping track of time, and I say, "Our minute is almost up."

I see those eyes close a little, feel my smirk, and I say, "So how about tonight, after we get home, we spend some time together, and then I go home and we both rest, no training?" I see those eyebrows lower, I giggle, and he says, "Jazmine," but I cut him off with, "You're tired Huey, please, just this week, tonight, and you can start again on Thursday like normal okay? And you're letting me give you a massage before I leave tonight."

I see that smirk, see those eyes open a little, that chin with that stubble rise a little, see him inhale, feeling that chest move up, almost like he just got a little more energy, and feel my heart stop, thinking maybe, I'm also the sun to those tired old eyes.

I hear those steps coming down the other hallway, kiss those lips, move my legs down, and say, "Put me down bestie so we can walk to my class and then you have to go to your fourth period."

I see that eyebrow rise and he says, "Hold that backpack." I feel my eyebrow rise, and then my eyes open, feeling those hands on my butt lift me up higher, feel myself go over that shoulder, and grab my backpack, feeling it falling.

I look up, holding onto my backpack and that nice back of his, see Mr. Leon looking at us, as we're walking away, with me over his shoulder, and I say, "Bestie I can walk and didn't we do this already today?"

I feel a slap on my butt, inhale, knowing we're in school, in the hallways, and I know they're empty, and I can see Mr. Leon from here, looking really mad, probably because this is a lot of public affection even if we're outside of the classroom, but still, we're in school. And, at lunch he only did this because I know I was a little mad and carrying me out was probably the only way he could get me out of there fast but right now, there's no reason for him to be carrying me.

We finally turn the corner, I exhale, and say, "Okay bestie, Mr. Leon can't see us anymore. You can put me down if you want." I feel that squeeze on my thigh and say, "Bestie?" I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I won't train tonight, but I want what you promised, and I want this right now."

I feel my smile, knowing I didn't promise the massage, I just said I wanted to give it to him, but maybe he really wants that massage, and I know my cheeks are super red but I kind of don't care. I exhale and say, "Okay big hair."

I feel a slap on my butt again, I giggle, and I say, "I'm sorry," but he cuts me off with, "That nickname." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "It's fine."

I swallow, seeing my vision get blurry, know I'm going to kiss him before he leaves to his class, and I say, "I want to kiss you again before you leave to your class big hair."

I feel that squeeze on my thigh, smile, hear him exhale, and hear him say, "Yes."

* * *

I push the door open, hope my face isn't as red as it feels, walk in, see Ms. Hoffman writing on the board, put the note down on her desk, and walk over to my desk.

Then I feel my eyebrow rise and feel my smile seeing Lena sitting there. I see her smile at me, I walk around her, sit behind her, and hear Ms. Hoffman say, "I believe, even though there's only two weeks of class left for the semester, I'm keeping the seating arrangement as it is today and if anyone feels like complaining, they can come talk to me."

I feel my smile, put my hand on her shoulder, feel her put her hand over mine, and exhale, happy, and not really caring why Lena's sitting in Luis's seat and why I saw him sitting in her seat, looking kind of mad, when I walked in.

I hear her whisper, "Just copy what's on the board. I took lots of notes before you got here."

I smile, look down, take my notebook and pen out of my backpack, and know I'm hugging her after class.

* * *

I ask, "So, tell me!" I hear her giggle, feel her put her head on my shoulder as we're walking, and hear her say, "Well, after school, I went to his house, we talked, did you know, other stuff." I giggle, her hear her giggle again, and hear her say, "And then he told me that I was the prettiest girl he ever dated and that if that bitch, you know without saying bitch, because he's too nice." I laugh and hear her say, "Yeah, he said if that bitch ever comes up again, I'm allowed to throw it down with her."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Just make sure Mr. Leon isn't around okay?" I hear her laugh, feel my smile, and hear her say, "Yeah, you know they had to ask students about what happened at lunch because no one believes him, not even the other teachers. I don't even think anyone likes him."

I inhale and say, "Well he is kind of a racist jerk." I hear her exhale, feel her arms going around my waist, smile at how cuddly she is with me now, and hear her say, "Yeah, I have one tardy on my record because of him."

I exhale and say, "You probably weren't even late." I hear her inhale and she says, "No I wasn't. Happened the first week of school. I was at the corner of the hallway, almost at my homeroom, the first bell rang, he shows up out of nowhere and tells me I have to go to the principal's office to get a tardy slip. I told him my homeroom was at the corner of that hallway and he said I wasn't gonna make it on time and I was late. Then I went to the front office and got the stupid slip. So after that I told my sister to drop me off early at school and now she does that every day."

I inhale, put my arm around her shoulders, and say, "Don't worry Lena, you'll still get into more AP classes next year with your grades." I hear her exhale and hear her say in that tiny voice, "Thank you Jazzy, for everything, and for yesterday. I almost broke up with him."

I hug her tighter and say, "Thank you for asking to switch seats with that jerk." I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "Remember, we're friends Jazzy, we care for each other, so I'm not gonna let you sit next to a stupid asshole calling your friend's boyfriend that. I hate that word. And he can sit in the middle of class, looking like the asshole he is, who actually asked me for my number at the beginning of the semester and then goes and calls your friend that. What a dick. Like it's okay to see a black girl and at the same time be a racist asshole with a black guy. So stupid."

I hug her, see him at the door, and say, "And that's why we're not dating those jerks. We're dating guys that are smart and funny and sweet with us and I've known Phil for a long time, even though we went to different middle schools, and I know he's never cared about people being white, black, or anything. He's just Phil. He's your Phil. Remember that."

I see him look over at us, I exhale, and hear her say, "I will. Thanks Jazzy. And remember, you guys handled some mafia guys over chocolate bars so you can handle anything okay." I start laughing, stop walking, turn to her, hug her, and say into her hair, "Thanks Lena. I needed that laugh before going into my next class."

I feel her arms go around my torso and hear her whisper, "I didn't wanna ask because I didn't wanna bring it up but I heard some people talking shit today about you crying yesterday after this class and." I inhale, feel her squeeze me, and hear her say, "And I told them all to shut up and not talk about something they don't know, but." I feel her exhale and hear her say, "If that asshole made you cry Jazzy, just know people that make you cry, when they call us names, say things to us just to make us feel bad, tell us stupid things just because they're jealous and want our boyfriends, or are just assholes and don't care about making us cry because they're only thinking about what they want, they, don't, matter, and just like I told Phil, next time Marcus comes to our table and says anything, he can punch him in the face, and I know you can fight, but next time that jerk says anything, let your man handle him, just walk away, and know he's stupid and everything he says isn't true."

I close my eyes, feel the tears at the corner of my eyes thinking about the things he told Huey, and how much they hurt because Huey doesn't talk about feelings, he doesn't. The only times he's ever talked about them is when we've been alone and he was either talking about that family, about how much he hates that family, knowing Huey doesn't hate anything, not even the government, he just thinks the government doesn't work and it needs to be fixed, but he doesn't hate it, he doesn't hate, but he hates that family, or the other times when he was telling me I made him happy. I make him happy. I feel my smile, even with those tears that are still at the corner of my eyes, thinking he's told me I make him happy three whole times, he smiles, really smiles, and laughs, when we're alone. He feels so much. And he thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks I'm beautiful. I exhale and say, "You're right Lena. All of those people that don't care about making us cry and are just thinking about what they want, they don't matter, and we need to let our boyfriends take care of the jerks, and just walk away, and then we can take care of those dumb girls that our boyfriends think aren't as pretty as us."

I hear her laugh, feel my smile get bigger, and hear her say, "You don't lie Jazzy."

I hear the bell ring, exhale, feel her pull away, see her smile at me, and she says, "I know you can handle, but if anything happens and you wanna talk, text me, and I'll meet you in girl's bathroom in two minutes okay?"

I exhale, smile back, and say, "Okay, don't be late." I see her smile, feel her arms leave me, and see her turn away, walking down the hallway. I inhale, turn back to my class, and see him still looking at me, but kind of looking dazed. I wonder if he's okay.

I walk up to the door, see his eyes, smell it, and exhale, looking away. I hear him say something, my name I think, and I walk into class.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, look over at Ms. Reed, see her give me a small smile, and she says, "Jazmine, do you want to move seats? You can, even if the semester's almost over."

I exhale, smile, know my friend's right and my sister, Riley, Phil, and me all handled mafia guys, and I say, "I'm okay Ms. Reed and I'm not gonna let things, people, get to me, and I already moved seats in my last period because of someone that doesn't matter. But, if anything else happens, I'll ask you if you can change my seat okay? Oh, and thank you for yesterday."

I see her laugh, feel my eyebrow rise, and she says, "Margaret's right. You're a lot stronger than they think." I feel my other eyebrow rise and before I can ask she says, "Ms. Hoffman." I feel my mouth open. So that's Ms. Hoffman's first name. I smile thinking my two favorite teachers are friends and call each other by their first names.

I see her smirk and she says, "Don't tell her I told you her first name or she won't go easy on me at our next hike." I laugh and say, "Yes Ms. Reed." I see her nod and she says, "Now go sit down and just so you know I'm not planning any group activities until next week okay." I exhale, smile, and say, "Thank you."

I feel her let go of me, I walk towards my desk, and smile at Adah and Johnny sitting in the back, knowing after last night's text, they're going on a date on Friday. I see her blush, smiling at me, and see her eyes open seeing me get to my seat. I see that worried look and I mouth, 'I'll text you, I'm okay.' I see her exhale, remember her texting me after school yesterday, telling me she saw me crying when I passed her in the hallway and wanted to know if I was okay, and after I told her that jerk had said something that was a little mean she asked me if I wanted to change seats with Johnny because she knew he would change seats with me if I wanted to. I told her I'd think about it but first I wanted to know if her and Johnny were finally going a date. I exhale, sit down, feeling my smile, knowing I really do have awesome friends that care about me, and then inhale, seeing him sit in front of me.

I look down, knowing that smell. It's not strong, but it's there, and I know it because I don't lie. My mom was the one that told me what rock is when I asked her and then she told me how to know when someone's high or drunk, so I could always know when I need to stay away from people. Cairo's high.

I exhale, open my backpack, take out my notebook and pens, look up, and see he's just sitting there, not taking out his paper or pen. I look down and don't see his backpack on the floor. I shake my head and know you can't help someone that doesn't want help, getting high before class and then not even bringing his backpack, and really, specially after what he said yesterday, I know there are a lot of more important things, like making sure I take good notes in class so I can keep getting good grades, apply to all the colleges I can, and get into the same college he does or a college just a few cities away.

I hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "Okay, so today I want us to go back to a topic we briefly discussed but affects us all in many ways, whether it's directly by having friends or family that have been subjugated to this or are affected by the financial implications to our community, and that topic is racialized incarceration and how that can affect a society."

I exhale, look back at Cairo, and see he's still just sitting there, not asking anyone for a paper and pen. And I know, no matter what, no matter what he says, no matter what he's done, he's still another guy, another black guy, that's going to go through stuff he doesn't have to go through, jails, not going to college, maybe not even graduating high school, maybe getting kicked out of the program. And, I don't have to talk to him ever again. But, I can be me, Jazzy, that knows what's important, what matters for real, and know next time he says anything, it doesn't matter, and I have extra paper and pens.

I inhale, rip two papers out of my notebook, grab one of my extra pens, clip it to the papers, exhale, and hold the papers and clipped pen out, next to him.

I see him sit up straight, hear him inhale, hear him exhale, and then feel the papers being taken out of my hand slowly.

After they're out my hand, I look back down at my paper, and keep writing what Ms. Reed's saying because it's important.

* * *

I exhale, bring her in further, smell that hair, not caring for how long, because we're up here, and I hear that voice say, "I just felt bad for him."

I exhale, squeeze her, and say, "In your Jazmine head do you feel grief for idiots." I feel her exhale and hear that voice say, "It's not grief bestie. It's more like, just sadness, that people expect that from us. They expect us to get high and not graduate. They expect us to ask for stuff and not work hard for it, even though we work hard every day. You work hard everyday and." I inhale those particles in that hair and hear her say, "He doesn't know that what he said yesterday, about you, it kind of."

I hear her stop, look up, put my head on that shoulder, watching downtown Woodcrest, the numerous people that live there and do not know how many people in this world live with little or nothing compared to what they have, and hear that voice say, "It kind of made me not even feel angry with him anymore. Like, before I knew that stuff, the stuff he did in Chicago after you left, telling other kids that you were different because of people that you don't even know, and then hearing him say those things, like they don't even matter, like saying those things to you was just so okay for him, to make someone feel like that is just so okay, telling someone they don't deserve someone else, I just, I just." I hear her exhale, feel those shoulders I'm holding, and hear her say, "It was after that, not even after him trying to grab me in Chicago or all the dumb things he said at the courts, but after that, after him telling me just how okay he was with telling you you didn't deserve something, you, Huey, didn't deserve something, I just, I just."

I close my eyes, knowing the government cannot touch this place, and she's safe, and hear that voice say, "I don't even feel angry with him anymore, I just feel sad, and I know no matter what he says now, what he does know, outside of class, the only thing he'll get from me is a drop kick, not even a hello or goodbye. And one more thing I wanna tell you bestie."

I open my eyes, see those stars, that are possibly more than dead planets, possibly, but more than likely they're just dead planets, and hear her say, "I want to say I'm sorry." I exhale, hear that giggle, squeeze those shoulders, and hear her say, "I'm sorry for giving him or Ashley any of my energy when I should be giving it to my friends, who make me laugh at every second of the day, my family, who loves me no matter how immature and childish I will always be, and you, who I know is the best good person in the world and thinks I'm beautiful."

I inhale, feel those hands under my pantlegs, on my calves, and say, "You believe I'm a good person and I trust you." I hear her inhale and hear that voice say, "And you believe I'm beautiful and I trust you." I exhale and say, "Those are two complete different things Jazmine, one of which is an assumption based on what seems truthful to you and the other which is based in the physical world and can be proven."

I feel those hands leave my calves, feel those shoulders move, look down, see her turn, and inhale seeing that face in the moonlight.

I see those lips move and she says, "You're a good person Huey, through and through." I exhale and say, "If that is what," but she cuts me off with, "No." I feel my exhale through my nose, see those lips move again, and she says, "No. You're a good person and I want you to not only trust me, but know you are. You are a good person Huey, not just because of everything you do for Grandad, my family, your family, Mr. Willis, everyone, but because you just are."

I inhale, look at that face, everything she is, exhale, and say, "For you, I will try to believe that but." I see those eyes shine, see that smile, and I say, "You need to understand I do not lie and believe me when I say you're beautiful, because you are." I see that mouth open and I say, "I'm not done Jazmine." I see that mouth close, I exhale, and say, "I want you to understand that not because of any other reason than the simple fact that you need to be careful, more than you are, where you go, who you are with in class, and understand idiots will not be cordial with you simply because they want to be but because of what you look like and I am not in every class with you or with you every second of the day, and you need to be more careful and not believe everyone is good and just wants to be your friend because not everyone is like you. And those that do try to take advantage of that Jazmine head, I will beat every single time, as many times as needed, because they're all just idiots that mean nothing and do not deserve you feeling even sadness, if that's what it is, over them, and you should be giving me and others that matter that energy, even if that is selfish of me to ask for. And over all of that, over all of that logic, you say you trust me and I believe you're beautiful."

I see that tint expand over those freckles, feel my exhale, see that smile on those lips, and she says, "Then how about a truce bestie?" I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my mouth open, see her laugh through that small nose, feel my eyebrows lower, and say, "Jazmine." I feel that peck on my lips, remember that massage she said she would be giving me tonight, and she says, "How about you start trying to believe you're a good person Huey, not just because I know you are, but because you believe you are, and I promise to not give people that are mean and jerks and don't matter my energy and be more careful in class, with boys, because my boyfriend thinks I'm not just pretty but beautiful, okay?"

I feel my smirk, exhale, bring my hands down to that ass, see her swallow, and I say, "Fine, we can start after you keep your promise tonight." I see that smile, see her scoot up, inhale, feeling those breasts on my chest, those hands on my shoulders, feeling her kneading them, feel that nose brush up against my own, see that darker variation in that green, squeeze that ass, and hear her say over my mouth, "Okay big hair, but I still want to kiss you before we go home so I can give you that massage." I feel those lips press down on my own, close my eyes, feel my exhale, and remember I'm not training tonight, I'm resting after she puts those hands on my back, and I'm a good person and I do deserve all of this, and right now I want to remind her how beautiful I think she is, knowing if it's possible for me to believe I'm a good person, one day it could be possible to make that Jazmine head believe she's not just pretty, she's beautiful.

* * *

Hi everyone,

End for this chapter. Honestly I know it was long but I'm not kidding, I already wrote like half the next chapter and I just didn't want to add it to this one because it's going to take me another week or two to set up the next chapter. But I will get to it and post soon.

Please let me know if you're liking it like usu.

Thank you for reading,

Bulma's Ego.


	34. Drugs, history, family, and hope

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: How do I say this without sounding weird….your comments inspire me to write whatever happens to be in my head. Thank you so, so much for your comments and anything you say, which I always take into consideration. Thank you.

dannyphantomlover7: So, what I can tell you is I kind of am slightly, mildly, completely guilty of doing that with some stories, where I know I'm waiting for another chapter before I read because although the story is amazing, that story tends to have cliffhangers and I get so antsy when they leave me hanging like that, so I know what you mean. I try to not leave chapters on cliffhangers, even if things are going on in the outskirts of the story, because I don't like feeling like I'm leaving people thinking about what's gonna happen next. I hope to actually complete a thought, a story, a thing, whatever that thing is, within a chapter. So, if you do choose to wait for three or four chapters please do but know I'll always try to complete a thought by the end of the chapter. I guess it's just how my mind works. Anyways, that's a lot of info for you. Hope you like the next chapter.

WARNING: Let's see. So, yes, there's "adult stuff" as usual but the warning comes more from the later stuff in the chapter, things some people might not feel comfortable with. If you get to that part and you see what I mean, please skip to the next scene, and what you missed should be explained. Either way, hope you enjoy. There will be some good stuff to enjoy.

CHAPTER 34:

For Mo, tea with one cube, Mrs. Stewart, coffee with two cubes, Mr. Fong, tea with no sugar, and Mrs. Harrington, coffee with one cube.

I exhale, lift the tray, and say, "Thank you Ms. Katherine. I think this is the last one for today and I'll tell anyone that ask that the kitchen's closed." I turn, start walking to the door and hear her say, "Sweetheart you know you can come back here and get anything you want, you aren't like those other volunteers that take things they shouldn't be taking."

I feel my lips purse, turn, and see her looking at that list of food she's ordering for next week. I exhale and say, "Yes Ms. Katherine but I'll make sure to write down anything I take to the residents." I turn back to the door, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "If only those other volunteers were like you sweetheart."

I exhale, hope I'm helpful to her to, and say, "I'll see you tomorrow Ms. Katherine." I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Okay sweetheart." I smile and walk out of the kitchen, happy I'm not as clumsy anymore but I still need to be careful. I get to the doorway that goes out to the waiting room, see Monique at her desk, and exhale, happy she's not letting that guy talk to her anymore but she still looks sad.

I inhale, put the tray down on the small desk in the hallway, grab the tea, walk out, see him sitting there, roll my eyes, walk up to her, and whisper, "Mo." I see her look back at me, see her smile, and I put the tea on her desk.

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Thanks Jazzy. How'd you know I needed that?" I smirk, look back at her, kiss that head, and hear her exhale. I look down at those pretty dark eyes that remind me of some other pretty charcoal eyes I know, smile at her, and say, "Because it's five fifteen, you've been here since one and you need some energy."

I see that smile, see her laugh, and I exhale, feeling happy. I feel her hug my waist, hug her back, and hear her whisper, "Just like my little sister when I'm studying."

I ask, "And how's that going? It sounds so hard." I feel her move away, see her take a sip of that tea, see her look up at me with that smile, and she says, "It's a little hard but only because I'm tired after work and it's really hard for me to want to study when I am tired but I'm hoping I can finally finish going over the material this weekend and then start reviewing so I can be ready when they give out the exam in March."

I feel my smirk and say, "With all that studying you'll probably get a hundred percent." I see her laugh and she says, "Oh I just need to pass, it's not really graded, we just need to pass a point level and then, I'll be a nursing assistant."

I feel my eyes open and ask, "So does that mean you'll have your college degree for managing an office and you'll be a nurse to?"

I see her smile, see her nod, and I say, "Wow." I see her laugh, see her shake her head, and she says, "Jazzy I'll only be a nursing assistant, not a big deal. Maybe then I'll go back to school to become a registered nurse and one day work in hospitals helping doctors save people's lives."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Mo, that's all super cool. I mean I only know nurses that went to school to be a nurse, so like, they're nurses now, but you, you went to college and finished and now you're getting a license to be a nurse, no matter what kind of nurse it is, and then you're even thinking about going back to college to be a registered nurse. That all sounds like a lot but super cool."

I see her laugh, see her blush, and I smile seeing her happy. I see her exhale and she says, "Jazzy, it really isn't a big deal, all of it." I exhale and say, "Mo, it is a big deal. So, when you pass that exam in March I wanna know so I can get you a present, so remember to tell me okay?"

I see her exhale with that smile and she says, "I don't need anything more than what you do here. You already help me a lot by just letting me take breaks so I can read a little." I exhale and say, "Mo." I see her exhale, see her smile, and she says, "Okay, I'll tell when I pass but nothing big okay?" I smile and say, "Okay."

Then I feel my eyes get big and say, "Oh, you just reminded me that your break is coming up. Let me finish giving the residents their drinks and I'll be back okay?"

I see her shake her head and she says, "Don't worry, take your time with them. My break's not as important as making sure they're happy. Come back whenever you're done."

I exhale, know that guy is a jerk and I hope she sees how great she is, smile at her, and say, "I just have three more residents and I'll be back." I see her smile and nod.

I turn back to the hallway, walk up to the small desk where I put the tray, hear that guy walking up to the front desk, roll my eyes, and then feel my smile hearing her tell him she has nothing to talk to him about unless it has to do with his grandmother. Dumb guy. Asking her out twice and then telling her he was busy both times. If he wasn't serious about her, he shouldn't have done that. And, she has a lot more endurance and strength than he knows.

I pick up the tray, start walking to the left, get to the first door, knock, and hear her voice say, "Come in honey." I smile, open the door, and see Mrs. Stewart sitting in her chair and sewing. I put the tray down on the wardrobe, grab her coffee, walk up to her, put down her coffee on the nightstand next to her, and ask, "Do you need anything else Mrs. Stewart? Are you cold again? Do you want another blanket?"

I see her look up at me from her sewing, smile at me, and she says, "No honey. The coffee's perfect. And thank you for the blanket yesterday. Today I'm fine. I think the weatherman said it was warmer." I smile and say, "Okay Mrs. Stewart, well I'm here so remember the blue button is for the front desk for Mo and me but the red button for everything else okay?" I see her smile and nod.

I turn, grab the tray, walk out, and close the door behind me.

I walk to the next door, knock, hear the loud fishing show, giggle, knock harder, hear the volume lower, and hear him say, "Come in Jazmine."

I open the door, see Mr. Fong in bed, holding the TV control, smile at him, put down the tray on the wardrobe, grab the tea, and I say, "It's not good for you to be listening to the TV so loud Mr. Fong."

I hear him say, "Speak up Jazmine." I turn, take the cup to him, give him the cup and then motion to my ear. I see him smile and see him put the cup down on the nightstand next to him. He grabs the earpiece, puts it in his ear, smiles at me, and says, "I forget to put it on."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Mr. Fong, your memory's just fine, you just don't like putting it on." I see him exhale and he says, "Too much work." I feel my lips purse, see him smile, and he says, "But for such an angel I promise to do it more often." I feel my smirk and my face getting warm, not really knowing why it feels nice and weird when nice old men say those things to me, open my mouth, and then hear the door open.

I look back, see Grace walk in, smile at me, and she says, "My grandad making you blush again Jazmine?" I laugh, hear him laugh behind me, and hear Mr. Fong say, "She reminds me of my favorite granddaughter and how much of an angel she is visiting me every day to bring me my newspaper."

I see her smile, roll her eyes with that blush, and hear her whisper, "Only says those things to me so I can bring it to him." I start laughing and hear Mr. Fong say, "I can hear you sweetheart and that's not true, now come here and give me my hug and my newspaper."

I see her smile and I say, "Let me know if you need anything, I'll be around." I see her nod and smile at me. I walk back to the wardrobe and grab the tray with the last cup. I walk out, close the door behind me, and then walk down the hallway to the last door.

I knock, don't hear anything, knock again harder this time, and hear her say, "Come in sweetheart. I don't know why you still knock."

I feel my small smile, open the door, see Mrs. Harrington in bed with her book, see her look up at me with that long white hair, and I exhale, hoping one day I have hair like that, just long and white with a big life behind it.

I see her smile at me, I step in, and close the door behind me. I put the tray down, grab the cup with the black coffee and the one sugar cube, turn around, walk up to her, give her the cup, and say, "Do you need anything else Mrs. Harrington?"

I see her look at me confused, look at her ear, and feel my lips purse. I say a little louder, "Why aren't you wearing your earpiece Mrs. Harrington?"

I see her exhale, see her look away, and I exhale. I grab the case with the earpiece on the nightstand, look back at her and see her looking at me. I hold out the case and mouth, 'Please?' I see her purse her lips and then give me a small smile. I grab the cup with my other hand and let her put on the earpiece.

After she has it on I say, "Mrs. Winters says it's better for you to wear it because then people don't have to be loud when they're talking to you and it's not good for your hearing if people are being too loud around you."

I see her exhale and she says, "When you get to be my age sweetheart, you'll see somethings." I see her look away and she says, "You'll lose and those things are important."

I feel my mouth open and feel confused. I exhale, look down at the book she was reading, smile, and say, "Well, I don't really know what things you lose Mrs. Harrington because it can't be how smart you are with understanding that kind of stuff."

I see her look down at the book, see her smile, and she says, "Sit down sweetheart." I nod, give her the cup, grab the chair next to the bed, pull it up, and sit down.

I see her exhale, looking at me, and she says, "Finances were my life, I knew them in and out, they were my strength." I see her exhale, see her look back down at the book, and she says, "But there were other things that I also held of value, as childish as they were."

I feel my mouth open, see that long white hair, I exhale, and say, "Can I ask what they were?" I see her look up at me, see her smile, see her baby blue eyes shine a little, and she says, "Can you keep a secret?" I smile and say, "Yes ma'am I can."

I see her exhale with that smile and she says, "Well then, one of those things happens to be." I see her exhale, see her look up at my hair I think, and she says, "One of the many things that seemed insignificant at the time, things that we do not consider until they're gone into age, into what others call the next life, our twilight years, and yet, those things." I see her inhale, see her look down at my face again, and she says, "Those things, the simple, insignificant things, matter."

I smile, seeing the color of her eyes, and say, "Can I ask you what one of those things is?"

I see her bright smile, see her exhale, see her look down at the cup she's holding, and she says, "I didn't ever go without, attended the best schools, the most prestigious universities, and then went straight into the family business, woke up each morning to people that would cater to the needs I could not attend to myself, including my." I see her exhale, see her look up, looking at the door I think, and she says, "Appearance." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her look back at me, and she says, "And so, I did not appreciate how easy it all was, to wake up, and just be."

I feel confused. I see her smile at me and she says, "With age comes wisdom, wisdom of life and what it was like, what it is now, thankfulness for the life we lived, and." I see her exhale and she says, "No longer having the option to worry about things we thought to be insignificant, like one's appearance."

I feel my mouth open, see her smile, exhale, look down at her cup, and she says, "I understand it would be surprising, even ungrateful of me, to say that I think of those things, the things I did not appreciate back then, how easy it was to just wake up and be, be young and vibrant and beautiful, when so many of my acquaintances, family, and some friends, have already passed and I have not, and so I should be grateful to just be, rather than thinking of those things I did not appreciate, specifically something as vain as my appearance."

I feel my eyes squint, thinking, and say, "Mrs. Harrington, is that why you don't like using your earpiece, because you think it makes you look not so young and beautiful?"

I see her exhale, looking at that cup, see her inhale, look up at me with her small smile, and she says, "It's of no importance. Thank you for bringing me my coffee sweetheart."

I feel my mouth open, look back at her hair, and know I probably shouldn't ask even though she's super nice, but it's just so pretty, and I'm just so Jazzy, and say, "Mrs. Harrington, can I."

I stop, feel my face get warm, embarrassed, and she says, "Yes sweetheart?" I exhale, remember who I am, smile, and say, "Can I play with your hair, just for a little?"

I see her mouth open, see her big smile, and then hear the door open. I look over, see that guy, and try not to roll my eyes, only because he is Mrs. Harrington's grandson and I should at least try to be nice to him in front of her.

I see him look at me and hear Mrs. Harrington say, "Warren?" I see him look at her, see him exhale and he says, "Grandmother." I stand up to leave and give them privacy and hear Mrs. Harrington say, "No sweetheart, don't leave just yet." I look back her, see her looking at that guy, and she says, "You came yesterday Warren, we talked, and that is the end of that conversation, so if that is what you are here for, you may leave."

I look back at that guy, see him inhale, and he says, "Grandmother, I just want to find out if any of the properties will be," and hear her cut him off with, "You'll find out once I'm gone. You may leave and I understand you will not adhere to my requests, but I would rather you no longer visit me."

I see him exhale, see him look away, and he says, "I'll return tomorrow when you're in a better mood," and see him close the door.

I hear her exhale, look back at her, see her looking at me with that shine in her baby blue eyes, that big smile, and she says, "What did you want to do with my hair sweetheart?"

* * *

I hear her say, "And then I braided her hair. Only took me about ten minutes so I'm getting better. I did a French side braid, on the side she puts her earpiece in so, you know, she doesn't feel like it shows too much."

I inhale, bring her in, see those fucken idiots turn to us, feel those breasts on my side up against me, and feel those arms going around my torso.

I exhale and hear her say, "Sorry bestie. It's too much." I feel those arms and those breasts moving away, bring her in again, hear her inhale, and I say, "It isn't too much. Tell me more."

I feel those arms holding me, I exhale, and hear her say, "Well, I think she was really happy because she asked me if I could do her hair again on Friday, because I think Mr. Wuncler's going to visit her on Saturday morning." I hear that giggle, feel my smirk, and hear her say, "It's actually really cute. I just didn't know he was, you know, visiting her on the weekends to spend time with her but."

I hear her exhale, feel that head on my chest, see that fucken idiot that has nothing to do with the construction process there, knowing he looks every single fucken time, and knowing more so now than before, that I couldn't care less how much further I pursue what this country considers a significant education, I will probably be surrounded by idiots my entire life, in and out of the legal field.

I hear her say, "It's just kind of weird to me now, knowing that she has a nice house she could stay at, probably more than one house, here in Woodcrest, but she stays there at the nursing home. I don't know. I mean I know she could probably have a doctor, nurses, I don't know, lots of people take care of her every day at home, but she wants to be there, in a place where there are a lot of other people, but maybe."

We finally pass them. Six workers, including two foreman, that imbecile that has no business being there, and fifteen to twenty workers at the bottom floor, cleaning the debris. I feel her letting go, look down at her, and hear her say, "We passed them bestie." I exhale and say, "Jazmine, you're cold." And I do not want to let go.

I feel her get closer again and hear her say, "Okay bestie, so what was I saying?" I exhale and look forward. That Jazmine head. I hear her say, "Oh yes, Mrs. Harrington. But maybe she likes being there because on Tuesdays and Thursdays they have bingo night and I think she likes sitting next to Mrs. Steward and they talk and I know they walk outside in the garden every day and they also have other activities there during the day and she probably likes Mo and Mrs. Winters and Ms. Katherine and just everyone there's so nice." I hear that exhale and hear her say, "So maybe, maybe she just likes being there, you know, because of the people there and the activities. And then there's Mr. Wuncler."

I hear her stop and see a man, mid-forties to fifties, white. I exhale. Heroin addict. I know enough about it. The scabs, possible jaundice based on the yellow skin, and the fact that due to the required chemicals, tools, and the fact that they already suffer through economic, political, and financial discrimination that comes from racial discrimination, my people do not suffer as much as whites do from that addiction.

I feel her move forward, hold her, hear her say that nickname, and move her over to my other side. I feel her exhale, know she's annoyed and stubborn, but she's mine, and we start walking.

We get to the corner, pass him, and hear him ask for money. I take that step and then hear her say, "Hold on bestie." I close my eyes and exhale. That Jazmine head.

I feel her move, hear her give him the paper, and hear him say, "Thank you angel. I just. Thank you. Remind me of my little Stephanie." I inhale, open my eyes, look down at her, see that smile and those eyes, and she says, "Just so you know, Mr. Willis says anyone can stay at the shelter but you need to be okay for a week before you go in and then I know Mr. Willis knows about programs or meetings that can help you. So please try sir." Even after they stop the drugs it's less than five percent that actually stay clean. That unrealistic optimism.

I exhale and hear him say, "Thank you but it's too late for me." I inhale and say, "Jazmine." I hear her inhale and she says, "Try sir. Keep trying. I don't know who Stephanie is but if she's your daughter, she needs her dad, so don't give up."

I hear that man inhale, see that smile, and she says, "Remember, just one week of not doing any of that stuff sir and then go see Mr. Willis in the morning. He'll help you. I promise. He doesn't care who you are or what you've done. He just wants to help but he can't unless you want help, so just want the help first and I promise, things always work out. One week okay. For your Stephanie."

I exhale and say, "Jazmine, it's late and," and hear that man say, "I'll try, one more time I'll try, for my little Stephanie. Thank you." I see her smile and she says, "You welcome." I exhale, see that face look up at me, those eyes shine, and she says, "Let's go big hair, it's late."

I exhale through my nose and see that damn unrealistic optimism in those eyes. I look over at that man, see the scabs, the skin, and know the statistics, the numbers, the odds stacked against him due to his age and being on the streets with a government that not only subjugates blacks and all people of color but cares little if any for the poor whites. I exhale and say, "The shelter opens at six in the morning to sign in for the night and be guaranteed a bed. If you survive and make it there next week, show up at six or you won't have a place to sleep that night."

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "Thank you." I nod, turn back to that soft afro, see that smirk, roll my eyes at whatever assumptions she's having right now, and start walking again, feeling those arms holding my torso. And, I let her, and then ask her to tell me more.

* * *

Damn it! I did it once! Once! I can do it again. But, she doesn't want me to hurt myself. And she'll notice because we're closer now. Damn it!

One more time. I exhale all the air from my lungs, relax my shoulders, and close my eyes, knowing the size of the room, where all the furniture, tools, equipment lay. I can do this. And, more importantly, because it matters, I need to do this. And none of that matters, not right now. Those people, that will never mean a thing to me, that past. None of it. The only things that do matter are the things that must be taken care of, the people that hold significance to me. I see it, my target, that fucken idiot, all of them, every single one, running towards me, feel the other imbecile behind me, the fucken idiot that will never touch them, bend my knees, feel the spring that comes from my feet through my legs, inhale, and I hear the sequential three bangs.

I inhale. This better be good, enough that I won't be using him as a human target or forcing him to spar, seeing as he needs to increase his agility.

I walk to the door, unlock it, see him, and say, "This better be important Riley or," but he cuts me off with, "Got the punk ass." I inhale, turn, grab my jacket, and say, "Where?" I turn, see him exhale, and he says, "Ain't found him yet. Just got a lead." I exhale, know it's better than what we had yesterday, and say, "What is it?" I see him inhale and he says, "A connect."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Fine." I see him nod, see him turn around walking back to the house, and I follow him, knowing this connect better lead to results or we're sparring.

* * *

I inhale, looking at him hiding behind the corner of the office building, making that call after seeing Sarah walk out. I exhale, trying to relax before I kill him, and say, "Riley." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I ain't doing shit no more Huey." I inhale and say, through gritted teeth, "Then how do you know someone that's very obviously on some kind of drug, more specifically crack, Riley?" The eyes, burned lips, the twitching, the very obvious clothing showing he's homeless, and then there's the fact that he keeps wiping the blood from his fucken nose.

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Damn McHater, shit." I look back, stand up, see him stand up, and inhale, trying to relax, trying, because he's still my brother, and I say, "Riley, this isn't a joke. You get caught selling or buying those kinds of drugs and it somehow gets to Grandad." I exhale and see him looking at me, knowing he will reach my height by next year because we both inherited that gene. I see him exhale, look away, and he says, "Huey a'ight I did sell his ass weed, long ass time ago, that's how I know him, but that's it. I 'on't know what the fuck he's doing and where he getting the shit. And I 'on't fucken care. We finding that punk ass and I'ma do what I gotta do."

I exhale, remember he knows what people will always say about us when we walk out of the room, and say, "Riley, you are not a kid anymore, you're fourteen, almost fifteen, which in most states means you can be tried as an adult, so I'm not going to beat you or remind you of the real consequence, especially because of who we are, regardless of what this ass backwards world thinks about equality, so." I inhale, see him look back at me, see him nod, and he says, "I ain't stupid Huey, no matter what fucken people think 'bout my ass. I knows what can happen and I ain't running to Ed if I ever do stupid shit that gets me locked up. I get caught doing shit, I knows I'm alone, I ain't taking anyone with me, and I'll do my time."

I close my eyes and say, "Riley, you are still." I hear him inhale, open my eyes, see him looking at me, remember he's my only idiot brother, see him nod, and he says, "We brothers. I knows McHater. I ain't doing shit so just trust me. I did that shit when I didn't know what could happen and I ain't gonna do it no more, I got." I see him look away, see him exhale, and he says, "It ain't just Grandad no more, it's her. She says she can take care of herself but she don't see the fuckers at school, when we out, how they fucken look, and it ain't just cuz I'm black and she ain't, it's cuz of what she looks like. And we." I see him inhale and he says, "We together now, we closer than befor', and I knows if I do stupid shit, she." I see him look down, shake his head, and he says, "She ain't losing just a ride-or-die, she losing more, and I can't let her ass go through more shit. I wasn't fucken there man. I thought shit was bad, knew it, but I ain't know it was that fucken bad 'til she tol' me, after Ms. S took her in, and she, she, she got better. So." I see him look back at me, see him inhale, and he says, "I ain't gonna fuck that up by doing stupid shit for a few bens, let Grandad get sick over shit like that, and then have her get all fucked up again, like befor' they took her in and."

I see him smirk, feel my eyebrow rise, knowing he's going to say something idiotic, and he says, "If I'm in the pen over selling stupid shit, who gonna remind your ass you a hater that ain't ever gonna shoot like my ass and that's why you gotta know your karate shit and." I exhale, know this is pointless, regardless of 'feeling' incrementally better knowing he's not selling weed anymore, turn back to the video, paused, seeing that guy watching Sarah, and hear my brother say, "If I ain't here, who gonna remind Jazzy 'bout that big ass forehead and gonna make sure racist assholes ain't talking shit."

I exhale, remembering that voice telling me that night she let me feel that skin over those breasts the first time about the fucken asshole they saw on their way to the locker room. That racist fucken piece of shit that's nothing and made her cry, made her fucken cry, not only because of what he said, what they all said, but because he could have hurt her, could have, made her feel like he could have, because even if she never acknowledges it, she was afraid of him. And I should have beaten him at that game and several times in middle school, not just one fucken time. And the only reason I didn't leave that night to find out where he lived to remind him of that fear she lived with was because she wanted to 'cuddle' and I wanted to feel content.

I inhale and say, "Then be around Riley, for both of them, and I will to."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Then let's get this fucken snitch that punk ass probably paying some. He gotta be paying that fucker and it gotta be him. I saw he showed twice and both times called someone when Ms. S walked out so I know, cuz he lives on the streets and looks like he doing more than weed now, he getting paid to do some shady shit. But looks like it's random cuz this video from yesterday and I saw him there again, calling someone, when she walked out on Monday, just wasn't sure 'til now. I knows it's him though."

I exhale and say, "Tomorrow. Before she lives her office, we'll go."

I hear him say, "A'ight."

* * *

She's fine and Sarah will be picking her up with Leo. She'll be fine. Focus. And he won't know this time. We'll make sure of that.

I exhale and hear him say, "I got this McHater." I inhale and say, "I know." If anything, he's right about his shooting abilities.

I see her walk out, just as we planned, see him take out a black squared object from his pocket, and hear the shot. I feel my smirk, hear him say, "I am Young Reezy," and exhale annoyance.

I see him look out onto the street, see the fear and disoriented look, exhale, knowing we will be dealing with someone under the influence, and see him start walking into the alley. I stand up, walk around the trashcan out onto the street, and see the cars coming. Shit.

I run through, hear a honk, and see him start running. Damn. I run into the alley, pick up my speed, and see him stumble. Then I see the alley opening. Shit. I exhale, run, inhale, take those last ten feet in strides, grab his shoulder, pull him back, and see him hit the floor on his back, cursing.

I see him sit up and put my foot on his chest, pushing him back down. I feel that hit on my leg, hearing him curse, and I exhale. He can't even fight back. He must be on more than just crack. Fuck. I push him back onto the ground with my foot again and say, "We aren't the police so stop fucken moving."

I see his eyes open wider and see those shoes too heavy to move in. I look up, see my brother holding that black bb gun, and he says, "You talking or I blow your head." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, knowing we don't need him screaming, and hear that guy say, "What the fuck man! What you want! I ain't got no money! Hey, wait, ain't you." I feel him trying to stand, push him back down, and hear my brother say, "Yeah. Sold you shit last year and now you here, making a call in a fucken alley after people be leaving that building. Who the fuck you watching?"

I exhale, annoyed more than before. We don't need him telling that fucken imbecile we know he's watching her. We don't need anything getting back to him. Shit. I hear that guy say, "Man, that was some good fucken weed. Sale me some more?" I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing people can get addicted to weed, at least the effects of it, and exhale, not wanting to deal with this shit, knowing my brother will probably use this to make some money, regardless of how grown up he thinks he is.

I see my brother inhale and he says, "I 'on't do that shit no more but." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him point the gun at that guy, hear him remove the safety, and he says, "I still blow your head if you ain't start talking cuz that be family you be watching and no one does that shit. So, you talking or you dead."

I hear an inhale, look back down at that guy, and he says, "She your family? Shit, I heard what she be doing. Taking his kid 'way from him, like that shit don't fucken hurt. Fuck you. I ain't saying shit."

I hear my brother inhale, see the gun coming closer to that asshole on the ground, see his eyes open, and close my eyes, knowing there are too many people walking on the street less than fifty feet away that could hear him scream. I open my eyes, look back down at him, and say, "Whatever the fuck you were told isn't true, so talk, now."

I see him look at me, see that disoriented look, know he's not going to be reasonable unless I am first, and I say, "And before you start acting like a fucken idiot, think about this. Whatever it is you think is true does not make sense considering you're being paid to hide at the corner of a building to tell someone when a person is leaving that building, telling you it's because of some family problem when they should be going through the legal system regardless of how corrupt it can be, especially if it involves parental responsibilities. I'm sure you've also notice that person you're watching is someone who consistently goes to work, is pleasant to a fault to everyone, does not seem like the kind of person I'm sure you're used to dealing with, and now you know she has people protecting her, not because she's paying anyone but because she has people that want to protect her, which tells you the woman you are being paid to monitor is probably, significantly, a better person than whoever came looking for you and is paying you to do this."

I see him exhale, look away, know the effects are still there but at least he's thinking about what I just said, and he says, "Alright. Maybe she ain't as bad as he said, seen she is kind of nice to everyone, but still, she took his kid, and that's fucked up." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, knowing I will beat him for the information, regardless of how high he is, and hear my brother say, "How that fucked up? That kid, who ain't even a kid, don't wanna have shit to do with that fucker. Matter of fact, I'm fucken sure she's fucken scared of that punk ass."

I inhale, knowing twice a day a broken clock is right, see that asshole look at my brother, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "What he do to his kid? I'll kill him if he touched her."

I feel my eyebrow rise, inhale, and say, "That's none of your business but if he gets close to her or any of them, I'll kill him myself. And I'll do anything I need to do to make sure they're all safe. So you are talking, now."

I see him exhale, look back at me, and he says, "Hold up. You said any of 'em. He got more than one kid, cuz he ain't tell me that shit? None of this shit makes sense no more. And I don't fucken like that, shit not making sense. He told me she took his kid, a little girl, and that little girl wanted to see him and his wife wouldn't let him but now you telling me the little girl's fucken scared of him and there's more, like other kids. He didn't tell me any of that shit."

I exhale, see his pupils are still too wide but at least they're not going back and forth anymore, and I say, "We won't tell you more than what is necessary because that is their business but if you're being paid by a man, about forty to fifty years old, black, he told you the truth when he said that he has a daughter with that woman, who is his ex-wife, not wife, but there are more people involved that he wants to." I inhale, exhale, trying to calm down, and say, "Hurt. And my brother and I will not allow that to happen, to any of them. And you're talking, with or without force, but you will talk, and they will be safe, or I will find him myself and make sure he never puts his hands on his ex-wife or his daughter or her sister again. And I will go through you or anyone else to make sure that happens. So, how do you want to do this, with or without force?"

I see him exhale, see him look away, and after four seconds he says, "How old are his kids?" I feel my eyebrow rise. Fuck. I'm sure I can beat him here but somewhere else, with less traffic, would be better.

I hear my brother say, "Jazzy be sixteen in two months and Cindy in May, but they sisters even if not from the same folks." I exhale, look over at my brother, and say, "Riley, he doesn't need to know any of that shit," and hear that asshole on the floor cut me off with, "Knew the fucker was lying. He said he only had one kid and she was little, six, like my kid."

I inhale, look back down, see him look at me, and he says, "I knew his kid had to be older, way he talked 'bout her, but he fucken lied 'bout that shit, probably lied about everything else. Let me up and I'll tell you."

I exhale, look over at my brother, see him looking at the guy I'm holding down, and he says, "I don't fuck around, I will fucken shoot you, for family, I will fucken blow your head."

I hear the guy exhale and hear him say, "He made it look like that lady was a bitch, so much she couldn't have people that care about her like that. Like you two doing right now. I'll tell you everything. I don't fucken care 'bout the money he giving me. No one wanted to help his ass cuz everyone on the street knows he's one of 'em fucken attorneys that don't help, just locks us up for a longer fucken time, fucken bullshit defense attorney, but then he told me 'bout his kid and said he pay me. But I'll tell you'll, cuz I ain't alright with little girls being scared of their fathers when we supposed to be fucken taking care of them."

I exhale, look back down at that guy, see him looking at me, know even if he does run, we'll make sure it's in the opposite direction, back where he started, and I'll catch him. I inhale, move my foot back, and let him stand up.

After he's up, at this distance, I can see he's in mid-thirties, black, possibly Latino, but I couldn't care less. If he runs, it will be worse for him.

I see him exhale, thinking, see him look at my brother and then back at me. I see him look down and he says, "He paying me to watch her leave and tell him what time and with who. Been doing it for a month now, every day she at work."

I inhale and hear my brother say, "Where you hiding and don't be fucken lying." I see him look up at him, see him squint at my brother, and he says, "Different spots, this week decided on this one and the other side of the building cuz I didn't wanna be in the same spot for too long."

I inhale. Fuck. We need more cameras set up outside of the building. One that faces East and another that faces South. I exhale. I can set them up as soon as I get the equipment together. I hear my brother say, "That all he have you do?"

I see him nod and he says, "Has me call him from a phone I dropped right now to tell him and pays me a hundred a week. Ain't a lot. Could make more doing other shit for a few hours but I told you, did it cuz of the bullshit story he gave me."

I exhale and say, "Do you need to call him right now?" I see him look at me, nod, and I say, "Call him and tell him she left. Act as if nothing's changed." I see his eyebrow rise and he says, "But don't you want me to stop telling him shit 'bout her? And I mean I don't even like talking to his ass. Can't fucken stand him man. Specially cuz I know who he is and then he acts like a little bitch when I want more money. Shit, got him to pay me a hundred just scaring him for a fucken minute."

I exhale and hear my brother say, "We knows he's a punk ass but we still 'on't want his ass knowing shit we doing. Just do what ma brother said."

I see him inhale and he says, "Alright. But I gotta meet him after for the money to." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "We're going with you."

* * *

I can feel it. Fuck. It's in my upper back. I'll just have to force it out of my muscles tonight. I knock and hear the door open.

I feel my smirk becoming that thing she likes seeing that thick hair in that braid. It's thicker right now, possible because she was pulling on it. I look down at that face, knowing that look, the one where she doesn't have to whine for me to know, and I look away. I see her sister, see her looking at my brother, and know they were both worried. Shit.

I inhale, knowing I'm not a coward, look back at that face, see that smile, and she says, "Are you guys okay?" I exhale and hear my brother say, "'Course we are. Shit, Jazzy, you knows we can handle."

I see that smirk on those full lips and hear her sister say, "Shit, then what took your asses so long? And get in here cuz it's cold as fuck."

I hear Sarah's voice from inside their house say, "Baby." I hear an exhale and hear Cindy say, "Sorry mama."

I feel that warm hand grab mine, feel the pull, and follow that thick hair inside their house.

I walk into the living room, see Leo and Sarah on the couch, see them look up at us, and hear Leo say, "You two alright?"

I exhale, hear that giggle next to me, and hear that voice say, "They are but they're probably really hungry."

I inhale, knowing we are, but there's information we need to go over. I feel that pull on my hand and say, "Jazmine, we need to talk," but she cuts me off with, "No bestie. Food first. That stuff can wait."

She doesn't seem as worried as she did when she opened the door. Good. I exhale, feel the pull and follow her to their dining room.

Once we're in the dining room, I see the two plates on the table, feel my eyebrow rise, feel that hand let go, and I say, "Why do you have plates set up? We can order something." I look over, feel by brother's presence next to me, see those hips walking towards the stove, and hear her say, "No bestie. We already cooked the sides for both your dishes, we just need to reheat them and cook the steaks. Grilled tofu steak for you and T-bone steak for Riley. They'll be done in five to ten minutes. So just sit."

I feel my smirk doing that thing again and hear her sister say, "And you'll only drinking iced tea and water with those steaks. You need to eat befor' you'll drink shit with caffeine or more sugar. Drinks on the table. Sit and wait for them steaks and sides."

I hear my brother say, "'Member what that hoe at school said 'bout wanting girls that take care of us."

I see those hips at the stove with her sister, hear the click of that stove turning one, feel myself doing that thing she likes, and say, "They're all idiots." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "You forgetting least half be hoes to McHater."

I feel my smirk, see him walking to the dining room table, and exhale, knowing that clock is right again.

* * *

I ask again, "Are you sure you don't want the pertinent information only? I will get straight to what you need to," but she cuts me off with, "Huey."

I exhale, look back down at those greens, those dark forest greens that I haven't given enough credit for how aware they have been all these years, see that smile, and I say, "Fine."

_I hear him say, "A'ight, let's go." I exhale and say, "Not yet." I inhale seeing that fucken imbecile talking to the clerk about his dinner reservation._

_I hear him say, "That guy said he only paid him. We saw his ass give him the money and then he took off. You think he paid someone else to and he's gonna meet 'em right now?"_

_I shake my head and say, "I don't know but we should know everything we can, so let's wait, see who he's meeting, and then, if nothing comes of it, we leave."_

_I hear him exhale and hear him say, "A'ight." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing he wants to leave, but he's listening, more than likely because it involves protecting them and know having them in the same school at this age has helped, significantly._

_I see him walk into the restaurant inside the hotel, see him walk up to a table, and hear my brother say, "Who the hoe?"_

_I exhale and say, "She might not be a hoe Riley." I hear him say, "Yeah she ain't, like he ain't fuck up and never gonna find 'nother like their mama. Fucken idiot." I feel my smirk and say, "For once, I agree with you."_

_I hear him say, "Tell me what they saying and don't be keeping shit from my ass McHater, fucken tell me everything."_

_I exhale through my nose, tired, and say, "I'll tell you what is necessary," but he cuts me off with, "Huey, that fucker could hurt 'em so tell me all of it. Don't be keeping shit from me, not with this, a'ight."_

_I exhale, focus on what they're saying and say, "Then don't interrupt me and I'll repeat verbatim."_

_I inhale, focus, and see him say, "You said seven Frances." She responds, "I said six thirty Tom but that's fine, you're here and that's all that matters." He says, "So why are we having this dinner? Why not just order room service like usual?" She responds, "Because I wanted to have a nice dinner with you. We haven't spent time with each other since we got here. You're always out or working and I just miss you." He says, "That's fine. I told you I would be busy and that's why you should've stayed in New York." She says, "But I wanted to come with you and this way it's easier for me to take care of you. With me here, they don't have to ask you for my cards and my identification and then call me to make sure I approve of you using them. I wanted to be here to make things easier for you." He says, "Fine, but I have some money to and I could take care of my provisions. I just needed you to help with the hotel bill so really they weren't going to be calling you every day, just whenever I needed to extend my stay." She says, "But Tom, I still wanted to come and spend time with you while you figure out that you don't need," but he cuts her off with, "No, we're not talking about that. I already told you, I want them, they belong to me, and I'll have them back."_

_I inhale and see the waiter at their table. I exhale, trying to relax, knowing I do not want to kill him right now only because Sarah asked us to not do anything that could get us arrested._

_After the waiter leaves, she says, "Tom please, let's talk about this, you don't need them, I could give you a baby and," but he cuts her off with, "Frances, I told you, I don't want another one. I have one, raised her, who's almost grown, and I'm not raising another one for another eighteen years, not only because I'm too old for that, but because she's mine, along with Sarah. They've always been mine. And once this all settles and I'm living with them again, in the way I'm accustomed to, I'll still see you but nothing more. Nothing." She responds, "But Tom you're not that old, younger than me, and I'm sure I can still have a baby if we try, and you'll only be in your late-sixties by the time they're an adult if we were to have one now, and please, about going back to them, you said you saw that woman with someone else at that game at her daughter's school so," but he cuts her off with, "I told you to stop calling her 'her daughter'. Jazmine's mine and so is she. And yes, my wife was sitting next to some nigger but I'm probably mistaken, they're just friends, they have to be, more than likely someone connected to those damn criminals she lets her hang out with and that other drug addict that's probably living with them seeing as I heard that whole family of hers was finally caught by DEA. But none of those fools matter. Once I have something on her, anything that could tarnish her license and she remembers what she lost with me, she'll take me back and I'll get my family back, my life, everything I worked so damn hard for, those hours, years of self-control to remind them I own them, and I'll move them away from this place, away from those niggers and that drug addict, and stop living this hell."_

_She looks down and says, "But Tom, please, think about this, it's not that bad with me. I'm willing to give you anything I can afford. And, about that woman, I know I'm not as accomplished but I am more beautiful, and care about you and want to take care of you and have even gone through some of my inheritance to do that, after finding you lost and abandoned in that bar, drinking yourself to sleep every night, not calling in for work, but I didn't care. I don't care about that. All I wanted to do was take care of you, have you move in with me after you told me you didn't have money for your rent, but I didn't care. I still don't. Really, you don't even need to work. I have enough for us to be comfortable and, if we stop spending on this hotel and go back to New York, we can live off of that, not having to work at all for several years, and then you can work after that, after we run out. We can do that now, leave, leave all this behind, them, that job. That job you don't need and didn't have to come back for. And more important than any of that is how I feel and I don't like that man, Joe or whoever he is. You have me and you don't need to work for him or his firm, for a job that gives you nothing compared to what my father accumulated in months. That job that wouldn't pay for even one month in a decent hotel. But I can, I can afford it. So, you don't need that job, that man, you don't need her or her daughter, you only need," but he cuts her off with, "Shut up Frances! It's unbearable listening to your voice and what you talk about! Just insufferable! Sarah was never like this! Only talking about what I don't have and then whine and bitch like you!" I see the waiter at their table again, covering them from my view._

_I exhale, knowing the discomfort people, all people, feel when black men get angry, as oppose to when men of other races get angry, even if I know the one we're watching is a fucken imbecile. An imbecile that owns nothings and thinks he owns people. I exhale. He doesn't own them. He doesn't own her. Those greens that don't show fear or discomfort when I get angry. She just stands there and allows me to be angry and doesn't show any sort of fear. Those times I have been angry around her and she just stood there, waiting, giving me the time I needed to calm myself, to gather my thoughts. And she seems happy with this fucken imbecile that doesn't own her being out of her life. And I'll do everything I can and more to make sure that continues._

_I exhale, trying to relax, see the waiter walking away, and that woman says, "I'm sorry Tom. I didn't mean to make you angry, reminding you of things you don't like thinking about. But just know I want to take care of you so let me. I'll keep helping you with the money, at least paying for the hotel and whatever else you need and I'll wait for you to see how I'm right, okay? And I'll have them bring more whine while we're having dinner because I know you're stressed." I see him look down and he says, "She didn't talk about that, reminding me of how they see me, how much I'm paid, and she didn't like when I would drink this much. She would say I needed to watch my health, that it could be bad for my liver." She responds, "I'm sorry I reminded you of those things Tom but know that I do want to give you anything you want because I'm not like her, keeping things you want away from you, even drinking, so just let me take care of you."_

_I see the waiter coming back with their plates, exhale, and know I'm done with this. I hear my brother way, "Let's go cuz I ain't wanna see his punk ass no more or I might fucken beat him in front of that fat ass hoe." I feel my eyebrow rise, look at him, see him exhale and smirk at me, and he says, "Don't be talking shit McHater like Jazzy 'bout not saying shit like that. She's a white fat bitch and she never gonna be as good as Ms. S and I don't fucken care who I gotta tell."_

_I feel my smirk, look back at those two eating, no longer talking to each other, nod, and say, "Let's go."_

I hear her sister say, "'Course she ain't ever gonna be as good as our mama. Shit. Riles never lies. Bet she ugly as fuck."

I exhale and hear Sarah say, "Baby that's not nice and it doesn't matter. She seems." I hear her stop, look back at her, see her looking down and she says, "Like a sad woman."

I hear that voice say, "Why is he even here? Why can't he just not come back? Is it bad that I feel like that?" I inhale, look back down at those greens, see them looking down at her palms on her knees, see that fear, and see her go further into the sofa, between Sarah and Leo.

I swallow, get up, take those steps to their front door, grab the doorknob, and know I will make him leave tonight. I feel a hand on my left shoulder, exhale, and say, "Riley, not right now." I feel another hand on my other shoulder and hear Leo say, "Son, this is what he wants, what they want, for us to go crazy when they try to hurt the people we care about. Understand that and know, even though we are right to be angry, we are always right to be angry, because we should be angry, things like this, someone like him that could hurt them, showing up, are nothing compared to the world we live in, the one where we always have to stay calm, even right now. So, stay calm, and stay here to help protect them. You go after him, do anything to him that is outside of the legal system, you will not be around to protect her. So stay, plan, and be prepared."

I exhale, feel their hands leave my shoulders, and then feel another set of long arms go around my torso. I feel her hug me from behind and know this is one of those things on the short list in my journal. I feel my exhale longer, remember it's not Saturday night, feel that forehead on my back, and hear that voice say into my back, "I'm okay bestie. I got a little scared, but I'm okay. My sister and mom are okay, and you didn't do anything to him. Thank you. Now go sit down and I'll go make some tea okay."

I feel those arms leave me, feel her go under my left arm, reminding me of her training, and see those hips walking into the kitchen. And before getting to the kitchen, I see her sister walk up to her, hug her, and whisper that she loves her, and continue walking into the kitchen together. I exhale and hear my brother say, "Huey we gotta plan. Let's talk to Ms. S and then tell 'em after, a'ight?" I inhale, nod, turn around, and see her standing in the living room, looking at us, remembering we need to plan.

I exhale and say, "Sarah, do you know," but she cuts me off with, "Yes Huey, but I want my daughters to hear this to, so let's all go to the kitchen and talk there." I nod and follow them.

After sitting down, I see her sit down next to me, feel her grab my leg, and feel myself relax. Everything is fine. Focus.

I look at Sarah and she says, "Yes, I know who Joe is." I see her place her hand on Leo's shoulder, look at him, and she says, "Tom doesn't know this, but Joe wanted me to leave Tom after he started the heavy drinking. I believe he wanted me to leave in hopes that I would enter into a relationship with him." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my brother say, "That's some shady shit. Ain't that his friend?"

I hear that exhale next to me and hear that voice say, "But that's just not who you are mom." I see Sarah look at her, smile, and she says, "That's right honey. We also don't lie and we don't keep things like that from the person we're with but." I see her exhale and hear Leo say, "You didn't tell him because he would've blamed you, thinking you led him on somehow, and you already had enough to deal with."

I see her look down at the table and she says, "Yes, and I didn't want my girls hearing even more of the arguing, so I didn't tell him that Joe called a few times to check on us, always after one of those difficult nights. He never actually said it and truthfully he was always just kind and respectful and would only call to check on us but I did get a feeling during one of those calls he wanted more. He even said he would take care of us if I did leave him."

I hear the inhale next to me, annoyed, see Sarah look up at her, smile, and she says, "And during that call, I told him if I ever left Tom, I wouldn't need anyone's assistance, I would do it on my own, with the help of my daughters and only them. Then, I told him I appreciated his worry but we were fine and the next time he called, even if it meant an argument, I would tell Tom because I didn't want to keep something like that from my husband, regardless of the marriage we had. And that was the last time he called."

I see Leo grab her hand, kiss it, see her smile at him and she says, "So I really don't know what their relationship is now. They should still be close though seeing as I heard Tom started working at the same firm where Joe works after he was let go from the DA's office, but that was before we left for Chicago. And really I only found out about that through an attorney I was having lunch with one day. She told me, possibly thinking I wanted to know, but luckily didn't pursue that topic. And after we came back from Chicago, when anyone, whether it was her or any other attorney, judge, or mutual acquaintance, brought him up I told them I didn't want to know anything that wasn't necessary to the conversation at hand. So, really, whatever it is Tom's been doing for the last year or so is news to me, including having gone to New York."

I hear Cindy say, "Or hooking up with some hoe." I feel my eyebrow rise, hear my brother snicker, remember she is a female version of him, and feel that hand leave my leg. I look up, see those hips stand up, walk behind me, see her kiss the top of her sister's head, and watch her walk towards the stove, hearing the shriek of the water boiling.

I hear Sarah say, "Baby." I hear an exhale, look down at Cindy, see her looking at Sarah, and she says, "Mama, I ain't saying nothing that's not true. Riles called her a fat hoe, so she gotta be, and we all knows Riles don't lie cuz he don't care 'bout being 'propriate and shit, so he saying the truth. And the hoe talking like she his maid or his mama taking care of his lazy ass, so she dumb as fuck to, and then, talking shit 'bout a lady she don't even know, like she knows you and how 'complished you are. Shit, you a lawyer mama. Don't forget that took years of school after you ain't have to go to school no more and that ain't easy. And then, the hoe be saying she more beautiful and whatnot. The hell that even mean, shit, you teaching us to never talk 'bout how other girls look cuz it ain't our business and cuz we 'on't care. And." I can hear my brother snickering louder, shake my head, see those hips putting that spice into those cups, feel my exhale smelling that mixture, and hear her sister say, "I 'member some of those fights mama." I hear my brother inhale, see her stop shaking the bottle of spice, see those greens look at me with that worried look, and hear her sister say, "And you never let his ass treat you like that, never, you talked back, I heard, told him he couldn't talk to you like that, put him in his place few times, and even if you ain't never have to say it you talked back cuz you knew he couldn't treat you like that, cuz you ain't none of those things, and that's why me and my sis don't let dumb bitches at school talk shit, cuz even though you never said it, didn't have to, you showed my big sis and me what a real lady is."

I see her exhale, see that worried look go away, see her throw me a kiss, feeling my eyebrow rise and my face get warm, cursing my damn teenage hormones, and hear Sarah say, "Thank you for defending my honor at school baby."

I see her laugh, hear the laughing at the table, and feel my smirk, seeing her carrying two cups with that tea.

I see her put those two cups in front of her mother and Leo, watch those hips walking away, remember she's trained some now, can fight now, but still, I exhale, and say, "Based on what that woman said, there is a possibility, as nonsensical as it would be, he is still working for that law firm, and came back because they asked him to come back, maybe threatening to fire him if he didn't or to keep an eye on him since she also said he wasn't calling his office when he should have, but I don't know why they would want that, why not just let him go."

I see that cup being placed in front of me, see that hand, know that day is coming up for her again, and know, more than that, I need to clean up this mess before then.

I see her place the other cup in front of her sister and hear my brother say, "Jazzy, make me one." I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at my brother, see him looking at Cindy's cup, and say, "You do know," but he cuts me off with, "Yeah McHater, you ain't gotta tell me."

I exhale, knowing he doesn't drink this tea because of where it comes from, but we are brothers, and possibly, similar in many ways.

I look over, see that smile, and hear her say, "Okay Riley." I see her walk away back to the stove and have this irrational want to follow her to that stove and put my hands on those hips, followed by the insane idea to get an apartment near campus with her rather than move into a dorm, knowing I cannot fathom the idea of living with imbeciles my age, only her.

I hear an exhale and hear Sarah say, "His experience." I look back at her, see her looking at the table, and she says, "That's the only reason they would find to not let him go. The DA's office has interns, seasoned attorneys, paralegals, law students of every year, vining to work or intern, even for a few weeks, so they don't need someone with experience and of course would not jeopardize their good standing for someone that's had that many legal problems in the last year, and so, I can only assume the reason Joe's firm would continue working with Tom at any stage would be because of his experience. But even then, it doesn't make sense. They would need a history with him, work he's done, to want to keep him with the legal issues he has."

I see her exhale, hear the cup being place to my left, look over, see my brother look at the cup, see him exhale, and feel her sitting back down next to me.

Then, I hear that voice say, "Mama do you remember that Bloom case? This kind of reminds me of it." I look over at her, see that thick hair in that braid, soft, and hear Sarah say, "Honey, you got it."

I see that smile, see her take a drink of her cup, and feel myself grabbing my cup, and tasting that tea.

I hear Sarah say, "That's probably what's been happening, why Joe's firm kept working with him." I look back at Sarah, put my cup down, and hear Leo say, "Sarah, you've lost three quarters of the table."

I hear that giggle next to me, put my hand on that leg, and feel her scoot closer to me.

I see Sarah smile at Leo and she says, "My sweet Leo, the Bloom case had to do with an attorney, who luckily I was not representing, whom had some domestic legal issues. At the time he was working for a small law firm, who he had been working with for only a few months, but because he was the most experienced attorney in that office and they wanted to continue working with him the firm helped him leave the state before he could be detected and had him work off the books. Mostly he was giving legal advice to the other partners, helping complete responses that needed to be submitted for court cases in which other attorneys would represent the client on the court date, and I believe even taking part in conference calls when attorneys would give legal advice to clients. Of course, in doing this, the firm was aiding him by giving him employment, financial support, while he was suspended from practicing, even in giving advice, because of the pending trial and warrant due to his unresolved domestic legal issues. There was also the problem that he was only licensed to practice in the state he was no longer physically in. The collapse happened when that firm asked him to return for some time, possibly only for a few days, to meet with certain clients in their office. Apparently there was an altercation with one of those clients when he was there, his office called the police to have them arrest the client, and when they arrived they arrested the client and the attorney after finding out who he was and subsequently had to face the trial he was running from."

I hear my brother exhale, look over, see his cup is half empty now, and hear him say, "Ms. S you think that what happen? I mean, he could be here cuz of that, but McHater said he stopped using his cards when we were in Chi-Town and then that hoe was taking care of him and she said he wasn't even calling his job so." I hear him exhale. Those months. Those months. He started working for that firm sometime between February and July, then he was in New York, stopped calling his office, and then he shows up here. Fuck. What are we missing? I need to find it.

I feel that hand go over my own, feel those fingers going in between my own, feel my fingers holding hers now, and hear that voice say, "I think that's what happened and I think it's because that place, that law firm, felt sorry for him." I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at that afro with all the unrealistic optimism it carries, and she says, "And I know we don't think this, because we know him, know." I see her swallow, hold her hand, see her exhale, and she says, "What he's really like, but those people don't. He probably started working for them, probably because his friend said some good things about him and got him the job, and then they saw that when he isn't." I see her inhale and she says, "Drinking, he's okay, maybe a good attorney. They didn't know what he was really like yet. I mean maybe he even lied to them to, like he did to that man, telling them mom took me from him, and then after he told them he had legal problems they maybe even told him to leave the state and they would still pay him because they felt sorry for him and then that way they wouldn't get in trouble for hiring him and he wouldn't go to jail for threatening that judge, and then." I see her exhale, see those eyes focus on that cup, feel myself let go of that hand, see her sit up straight, put my arm around her shoulders, and bring her in.

I feel her exhale and hear her say, "And then, who knows why, but I think it's because it's just who he is, he must've started drinking there, in New York, a lot, and then met that lady, and." I feel her exhale, feel that head on my chest, and hear that voice stop talking.

I exhale, trying to relax, and hear Leo say, "Jazzy."

I feel her sit up, see her look up at Leo, feel her relax into me, and hear Leo say, "You're thinking he went on what they call a 'bender' where he didn't stop drinking for some time, at least until something brought him out of it, possibly that law firm or his friend calling him, remembered your mother and you, and decided to come back."

I feel her nod and hear her sister say, "I ain't care if he drunk now, we go beat his ass 'morrow."

I feel her shaking, hear her laugh, feel my smirk, and hear Sarah say, "It really doesn't matter." I exhale, look up, see her looking at the girl on my chest, and she says, "The point is that he's here and we just need to be ready. And if he is trying to find a way to smear my reputation or have me disbarred, he won't find anything. I've only ever done one thing, asked for one favor, to make sure my youngest was safe, in this house, and even that was done through every legal avenue I could find. I just happen to expedite that process through my experience in the field and I would do it a hundred times over, regardless of what he does."

I feel that arm on my lower back, see Sarah look up at me with that smile, and she says, "But in addition to my experience I also happen to have a few friends that work at the precinct downtown and so I will be calling them tomorrow to tell them what we know and they can do what they will with that information. But, before I do that, I would like you to do one thing for me boys."

I exhale, knowing, at the minimum, I still want to put that fear in him and I do not need the police there when I do, and she says, "Since you said that man is willing to tell Tom whatever it is we want Tom to know, I want you to give that man some money for his cooperation, at least until the police move in."

I inhale and hear my brother say, "Ms. S, I know him. You give him anything, he'll use it for drugs. Probably never show after that. He one of those. Won't stop doing what he does. Just takes the money and runs. Likes living like that. He just does. And he already getting money from that punk ass."

I exhale, knowing he's right again, see Sarah turn to my brother, smile at him, and she says, "We don't know that Riley and although I have made my mistakes, I want you boys and my daughters to always know, hope, that people can change. Some of course won't, but others will, I'm sure. So, please, give him the money I will give you and if he says anything, tell him even if he disappears with it tomorrow, it's fine. He's already given us more information than we thought we would ever have because he decided to help us."

That's where the unrealistic optimism comes from. The unrealistic optimism that's making me feel too relaxed drawing on my back. Damn it.

I hear my brother exhale, see Sarah look back at me with that smile, and she says, "And I want you both to continue staying away from him."

I feel myself sit up and hear both of us say, "No."

I hear Leo say, "Huey, Riley, Sarah has a say in this so give her a minute to explain."

I exhale, slump back down into the chair, feel that finger on my back, starting with 'F' for Frederick Douglas, and I hear Sarah say, "Yes boys, there's a reason for it. Actually two reasons. The first." I see her look down, exhale, and she says, "I know he doesn't seem." I see her inhale and she says, "Violent or capable of violence, but he is." I inhale, feel that hand squeeze my side, and she says, "And when he's cornered, he can be dangerous. So please, for my mental wellbeing, because I do not want to imagine either one of you, or anyone, being hurt because of him, please, please stay away from him. And the second reason." I see her look back up, see her look at Cindy and the girl that's holding me right now, look up at me, and she says, "The second reason is that if you do anything to him, like I told you earlier, you two could have criminal charges on your record or worse, and although I could defend any actions you take, I want you both here, with us."

I exhale, feeling those letters on my side, the way they feel, feel myself nod, see her smile, and she says, "So, keep staying away from Tom and give that man the money I give you and tell him, if he still wants to continue on with this and he wants to contact us with information on Tom's actions and that information continues to be useful to us, we will pay him for it. Will you both agree boys, please?"

I inhale, feel that 'Q' on my side for 'Quincy Jones,' knowing I should reply to his email soon, hear my brother say, "A'ight Ms. S. Only cuz you asked," feel my exhale with her moving closer to me, knowing she's safe, they all are, and say, "I agree."

I see Sarah smile that smile, knowing Jazmine will continue being gorgeous as we get older, because I believe in science, in biology, and possibly, as unlikely as it is, some of their unrealistic optimism.

* * *

I inhale and say, "It's worth twenty at most so don't bother selling it, but there's money in that envelope. We don't know how much."

I see his eyebrow rise and hear my brother say, "All that shit from their mama, not from us." I exhale, see him put the prepaid phone in his pocket, and open the envelope.

I see his eyes open, see him look up, see his pupils look normal, and he's no longer twitching. The side effects, at least the acute ones, must be out of his system. I see him open his mouth and I say, "We don't want to know. That's her business."

I see him exhale, see him nod, and I say, "If you choose to help, let us know by tonight." I turn, ready to get back home, and hear him say, "Wait man."

I exhale, tired, knowing I have other things I need to get back to on my home computer regarding my research on his exact whereabouts for the last several months, who that friend of his is, and that woman he's staying with. Shit. And then there's the emails I need to reply to that mean close to nothing right now.

I turn around, see him holding a letter that must have been in that envelope along with the money, and feel my eyebrow rise. She didn't say there was a letter with that money. I see him exhale reading it and give him a few seconds to read it.

I see him inhale, see his eyes gloss over, see him look back up at us, and he says, "I'll tell you'll now I'll help and tell her she ain't gotta give me more."

I exhale and hear my brother say, "Thanks man." I nod and say, "Thank you." I see him nod and he says, "The fool knows she works today but I'ma just tell him she left at four, like last week."

I nod and say, "Good. Are you sure he doesn't have anyone else watching her or any of them?" He exhales, shakes his head, and says, "Nah, don't think so. I know the people that sleep out here and they all told me they ain't helping him cuz they know who he is and I think I'm the only way he knows anything cuz on Mondays he acts like a fucken dumbass when I call saying shit like he ain't know anything 'bout her for a day and he was waiting for my call."

I nod, feeling myself exhale some of the worry, knowing he's not watching them on Sundays. Either way.

I hear my brother say, "A'ight but we still watching them on Sundays 'til we make the punk ass leave town again."

I inhale and say, "That phone has two hundred minutes on it. There's a phone number saved on it where you can reach us."

I see him exhale and he says, "Alright. I'll call before calling his ass and you'll can tell me what to say."

I nod, thank him, turn around, and hear him say, "Hey, can I ask you'll something?"

I turn around, see him looking at that letter, and he says, "If I wanted to you know, get help and shit, you'll know where I can go?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and remember this week, that soft afro giving that man some hope to change his life, the statistics, the government, but maybe, at least right now, because they're all relying on us, I can try to rely on that unrealistic optimism. I exhale and say, "I don't know about those programs personally but I do know the shelter lets you stay there, administrators of those programs visit the shelter to offer assistants to people staying there, and you can start there, but first you need to be off of everything, that includes alcohol. Stay off the drugs and alcohol for a week and then show up at the shelter at six in the morning to sign in for the night and be guaranteed a bed. I believe most of those programs will only offer their help if you've stayed several consecutive nights at the shelter and you test negative for any substance."

I see him nod, see him look down, and hear my brother say, "Whatever money she gave you, use it to stay at some hotel, don't be out here, cuz you know this where you get the shit you're on and it's too hard getting off it when you 'round it all the fucken time."

I exhale, knowing I don't know everything he did because I did stop following him when he would leave to those parties, but for better or for worse, his associations and experiences have forced him to grow up some.

I see that guy look up at my brother, see him nod, and he says, "Thanks."

I exhale and say, "Thank you," turn around, hear my brother thank him, and start the walk back to Dorothy, parked several blocks down, ready to make it back home to my computer, that tea I'm going to ask her to make tonight, and those particles in that hair that are definitely transmitting hope that goes against statistics, numbers, and how I know the government works.

* * *

I feel that kiss on my back, feel myself relax, and hear her say, "Thank you." I exhale through my nose, hear that giggle, and hear her say, "For everything this week bestie. You know, for talking to that man yesterday and today and specially for yesterday, you know, for going to see him." I hear her stop, feel that forehead on my back, squeeze that fist and I say, "Jazmine."

I feel those breasts on my back with her inhale and hear her say, "Thank you for seeing him there, at that restaurant, not doing anything to him, and then coming home to be with us. Thank you. I mean, that had to be really hard for you because it's him." I hear her exhale and feel her hold me tighter. I feel my exhale, knowing her well enough by now after sleeping in this fashion for several months, know what it means when she hugs me like that, that much tighter, and hear myself voice my thought, "Jazmine, what aren't you telling me?"

I hear her swallow, I inhale, and hear her say, "Am I ever gonna be good at keeping things from you?"

I exhale. Damn it. I bring that fist down, let go of it, turn around, go down to be at eye level with those greens, and say, "Jazmine, tell me, now."

I see her exhale, smell that breath, and hear her say, "I promise, just like I told my mom, he didn't do, anything."

I see the brightness of that green and know where those freckles are even in my dark room. I also know she's one of those people that doesn't like lying, possibly can't, at least not to me, and I say, "Then what are you not saying?"

I see that small smile, see her come towards me, feel that peck, feel her move away, and move in.

I kiss those lips longer, pull back, bring my hand up to touch any part of that face, and wonder when these 'feelings' started. It couldn't have been just after that last funeral. They've been here, in my mind, trying to push that door open, for longer than that, much longer, maybe as long as I've thought about how soft her face is.

I feel her grab my hand, feel that kiss in my palm, see her look at me, and hear her say, "Do you think it's weird that." I hear her swallow, see the redness appear over those freckles, and hear her say, "We feel like this about each other and we've only been together for a little bit? I mean, even right now I know how I feel but I never wanna push you to feel anything for me, even if it's just that you like me or think that I'm pretty or anything, even if I do feel a lot for you."

I exhale, knowing she doesn't know these 'feelings' have been here longer than possibly whatever she feels for me, and know she's either trying to change the subject or she's gone off on one of those 'Jazmine thoughts'. I inhale, knowing I need to remind her, and I say, "You said we have time to figure out those sort of things, especially if we're still planning on attending the same college and can talk about law or medical school after that and." I see that smile, feel my exhale, and say, "We can talk about that another time. Right now, you're telling me what you don't want to tell me."

I hear her inhale, see those eyes of hers open, see her move in, and feel that hair under my chin. I feel her arm go around my torso, and I put my hand on that lower back. Then, I hear her say into my chest, "Okay." I hear her swallow and hear her say, "When mom wasn't home sometimes, he would walk back and forth in front of my door, in the hallway, pacing, and then at night when she was asleep, sometimes." I hear her exhale, hold that lower back, knowing if I don't I'll leave right now to go back to that hotel, room 157, knock the door down, and kill him, and hear her say, "Sometimes." I feel her move in closer and hear her say, "Let me tell you something that happened this morning first." I want to push her back and tell her to stop evading the subject but she possibly doesn't need that right now and she's always given me space and time. I exhale and hear her say, "This morning, I told my mom and my sister that last night I had a weird dream that I was asleep in my bed, and I heard the doorknob being turned, woke up, got up, like a zombie, walked over to my desk, grabbed my chair, lifted it to not make noise, walked over to my door, and put my chair under the doorknob, so whoever was turning it couldn't get in. Then I laid back down and went back to sleep. And, the dream of me doing this felt really weird, like how I got up, picked up that chair, and put it under the doorknob like I was used to it, like I had been doing it for a while. And then, when I woke up this morning and saw that my chair was at my desk, I knew it was a dream. And, talking about it with my mom and sister today made me remember that I had thought about this when I was twelve or thirteen, this dream of waking up and doing that all the time, until one day, I think right after I turned thirteen, I had come home from school and my mom had changed my doorknob to one where I could lock it from the inside because, she had said, I was a teenager now and I needed my privacy. Then, after she changed that doorknob, I forgot about those nights, those dreams of me moving my chair. And today, after I told my mom about that, she cried."

I feel her exhale, remember seeing Sarah's red eyes today but not wanting to ask because that's their business, and hear her say, "She kept saying she should've left him sooner, taking me out of that house, and taking my sister and me away, and we kept telling her to remember what Aunt Cookie said and I kept telling her I know nothing like what she was thinking ever happened. He didn't." I feel her exhale, know the thoughts I'm having right now are going to come into fruition one day, and hear her say, "I'm a virgin."

I exhale and say, "You are and you'll stay like that as long as you want."

I hear that voice say, "I didn't tell you about this because I didn't know bestie, not until this morning. I promise."

I hear myself say, "If he touches you, I'll kill him."

I feel her exhale and hear her say, "Okay, but only after my sister and I hurt him."

I bring her in more, know she's here, Leo's at their house right now, and her younger sister is upstairs with my brother.

But I still feel myself at that point, feel her hug me tighter, and hear her say, "We also talked about Christmas."

I feel my eyebrow rise, know she's trying to change the subject again, exhale, knowing she needs this right now, feel my smirk, and say, "You mean the pagan holiday that Jesus probably hates everyone for celebrating?"

I hear her giggle, feel my temperature dropping, and hear her say, "I think you also told me once that it came from the Romans and they celebrated it by drinking too much and having sex with each other."

I exhale and say, "How much of what I say do you remember?" I feel that kiss on my chest and hear her say, "Everything." I inhale, remember where my hand is, put it under that cotton shirt she's wearing, feeling that slim back over that ass, and hear her say, "But really Huey, I was like ten. Why would you tell me that stuff? I didn't even know what sex was."

I feel my smirk, feel that warmth that only happens when she's near, and say, "You know what sex is now."

I hear her swallow, feel that face in my chest getting warm, feel my smirk getting bigger, and hear her say, "I know what sex is because of the stuff we've done, yes, but we haven't, you know, actually had sex. And really bestie. Ten. I was ten."

I exhale and say, "It's possible." I inhale, see the light coming through the curtains from the streetlights outside, know I set up those cameras around her house, this house, both have alarm systems installed, and say, "If I would've known what was happening I wouldn't have said those," but she cuts me off with, "I learned about the world the Huey Freeman style, and I think, if it wasn't for those things, I would've been too immature to know how to be strong, how to use those hugs you would let me give you in the morning to remind me that if I was your best friend I had to be strong, because only a strong person could be your best friend, and how if I did cry at night," I inhale, hug what's mine, and hear her say, "If I did cry, it didn't make me bad or immature, because I knew in the morning you would be waiting at the bus stop and I would be okay because you would make me feel a little stronger with those hugs, and hopefully, one day, I would make you feel something close to that. But the best part about all of it was that I was learning in that Huey style how to be strong for everyone, for my mom and my little sister, and I just knew things would work out, one day, so." I hear her stop, feel her move away, look down, see those eyes looking up at me, and she says, "Don't ever think that you saying those things to me was ever a bad thing okay."

I exhale and say, "I want to kiss you when we're done talking, but first I want to know what else you talked about today that I should know about."

I see her lick those lips, I exhale, and hear her say, "We also talked about my grandma."

I nod and say, "Has she recovered from that cold?"

I see her shake her head, see those greens look down at my shirt, and she says, "Not yet." I hear her exhale and she says, "But the doctor said she just needs to rest, drink fluids, and she'll be okay. But really she just needs to make sure to not get sick from anything else right now or she could," I see those eyes water, see her inhale, bring her in, feel that hair under my chin again, knowing I'm not good, possibly will never be good, at making people not feel grief, but I understand the times I've felt anger or any form of grief and she's been there, she's always done this, hug me. I also just realized, as these thoughts come to me like they did at their grave, that the many times she came running to my door or to that hill to find me and tell me about some event I thought to be trivial at the time, and then cried and hugged me, I wanted to hug her every time, but because of them, those people that were just below the surface, the ones that told me I shouldn't, couldn't hug her, I didn't hug her.

I exhale, close my eyes, smelling those particles, feel the wetness on my shirt, inhale, and say, "Jazmine."

I hear her inhale, feel her moving away, hug her tighter, and say, "No." I feel that arm hug me tighter, feel that face go deeper into my chest, and I let her cry.

After some time, aware that I didn't count the seconds, I hear that voice say, "Thank you bestie. You always make me feel better."

I open my eyes, see the streetlights, want to tell her that unrealistic optimism is making her delusional, and hear say, "You always did. You just let me cry, let me tell you things, and then would tell me stuff I didn't understand, like how the country needed more unions and I should be thinking about that instead. And, I didn't even know what a union was."

I exhale, hear that giggle, and feel that worry, if that's what it is, leaving my body again, and say, "You do now." I exhale, knowing I just assumed she does know. Damn it.

I hear her say, "I know it has to do with giving people that work for only a little money more power, you know, to make changes at their job, but I haven't really read a lot about it. Hopefully, next year, if I take economics, I'll learn more. But right now, I just want to keep learning about how black women lived right after reconstruction."

I exhale, feel my smirk, and say, "How is that book?" I feel that kiss on my chest, feel myself relax, and hear her say, "A little sad but I know it's what really happened. Right now I've only read up to the second chapter because I want to read it slow because some of the words the author uses I need to look up and then have to go back and read the sentence again."

I feel that skin under that shirt, knowing now what that back looks like with that shirt having rode up during the night, and say, "Anything new you've learned about so far?" I also know she needs to focus on something else, focus on staying here, with me.

I hear her exhale and hear that voice say, "Yes. I learned that before the civil war black women were sold, just like black men, like there were just things, like they didn't matter, and that during the war it wasn't only the Confederate army that was bad, some of the Union army was really bad to, racist, with black people, killing them, and." I hear her inhale and hear her say, "Sometimes, when they were going through the South, they would do things, things white masters would do to women, black women."

I exhale and hear her say, "And it's kind of making sense now, why there are so many mix people, like me, that come from white and black ancestors, because women, black women, were." I hear her stop, hear her inhale and swallow, and feel the skin on that back become cold, knowing the discomfort, the fear all women, girls, must feel when they voice it. I exhale, know I want to continue hearing her talk, but first it needs to be voiced, and I say, "Black women were raped."

I feel that cheek on my chest and hear her say, "You know, I think that's maybe, hopefully not, but maybe that's where it started with my mom's family. I think, maybe that's where the white part came from because my grandma looks part white, like me, and I never got to meet my grandpa because he was never around. He was just kind of never there and when I did ask about him when I was little I remember my mom said she didn't know her dad and my grandma was the only one that raised her. But, back then, when my grandma had my mom it was still really difficult, maybe even bad, specially in Louisiana, if a white man had a baby with a black woman, so maybe that's why he wasn't there. He just, you know, didn't wanna raise a baby with a mix black woman. I don't know." I hear her exhale, feel my exhale knowing the world is better today but not by nearly enough, and hear her say, "What I do know is that my grandma's mix and I remember those black and white pictures of her mom, my great grandma, showing how dark she was, a rich dark, almost night, color that I would've loved to see but she passed away a long time ago." I feel her inhale and feel that kiss on my chest.

I exhale, relaxing to that voice, and hear her say, "But I think my great grandma also raised my grandma by herself because my mom told me this week that her grandad was not around either but she said he must've been white because of how my grandma looks, so." I hear her inhale and hear her say, "So, when I was reading that book and started thinking about this stuff I started to think that maybe, because my grandma looks like she does, my great grandpa was completely white and he didn't or couldn't raise a family with a black woman and maybe, because it was way before the civil rights movement when people that had been slaves were still alive and white people, the whole country, looked at black people, African Americans, like they were just freed slaves that shouldn't have any rights, even if they were real people, humans that had already bled and died fighting for their lives and their families." I hear her exhale, hearing the history in that voice, and hear her say, "Like, what I think happened to my great grandma, working at bad jobs that got her sick, and passing away too young because my mom says she died when she was really little and can't really remember her anymore." I hear that inhale and hear that voice say, "And I think it's because she didn't have help from my great grandad that that happened, that she had to work a lot all of her life and couldn't take care of herself because I think he was white, because of how my grandma looks and he probably didn't care that he got her pregnant because she was just a black woman with no rights, that didn't matter, and maybe it wasn't even something she wanted, knowing he wouldn't want to raise a baby with her, maybe even forced her, did that to her." I feel her exhale, feeling that lower back, knowing this is some part of black women's history they do not teach us at school, possibly will in college, but more than likely will only gloss over it because people do not like facing the reality of what this country and its people have done to each other, have done to black men and women of every shade, to be at the pinnacle of the world.

I feel that face move on my chest, put my chin over that head further, not wanting to tell her I want to hear more of how aware she is, and hear her say, "So, I don't know and I know this might sound weird but I'm starting to think that everything I'm reading and learning kind of connects to me, even that book. Like, all that stuff I'm reading in it is telling me I come from really strong black and mixed women."

I exhale, close my eyes, knowing there is nowhere else I would want to be at this precise moment, and say, "None of that sounds illogical since black women were subjugated to that treatment and when it comes to your living grandmother, if she truly looks similar to you and lived in Louisiana before the civil rights movement, it is completely possible she was left to raise a child on her own because a weak white man who knows how difficult it would be to be with a mix or what they called 'colored' woman back then would not stay and so your grandmother, along with the rest of the women in your family, can be nothing but strong."

I feel her exhale and hear that voice say, "Thank you bestie. My grandma is strong, just like my mom, who looks just like her to. And just thinking about her right now, it makes me happy to know that I do look like her a little because I have her eyes and hair and my mom has her face, I remember. They're both so beautiful. But right now we can't go see her because the doctor said it would be better to wait until our next vacation when she's better because right now if one of us is sick and we don't know it and get her sick." I hear her stop, I exhale, and say, "It could be detrimental to her health."

I feel her press her cheek on my chest again and hear that voice say, "Yes. So at least until she gets better, we'll be calling her every week to check on her. And yesterday, before you and Riley came home, she waited a little to see if she could finally talk to you two. She wants to meet you."

I exhale, hear that giggle, squeeze the skin over that back, and say, "Fine. When she's feeling better, I'll." I exhale longer, feel her kiss my chest, and I say, "Talk to her."

I feel her exhale and hear that voice say, "I wish my sister and you and Riley could meet her in person, not just over the phone." I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering the gift we sent Aunt Cookie last month, and say, "Doesn't she have a smart phone so you can facetime?"

I hear her exhale and hear say, "Yes but she doesn't use it. Mom sent her one months ago so we could start face timing with her but she never turned it on. And she only likes using her home phone and she says the buttons on the phone we sent her are too small and she thinks it's too hard for her to set it up."

I feel my other eyebrow rise, open my eyes, see the streetlights finally turned off, and say, "Does she have someone there that could help her set it up?"

I hear her say, "Yeah, I have an auntie, my mom's cousin, that lives near my grandma that I think helps her with that kind of stuff but I think my mom said even my auntie doesn't like technology and only uses her cell phone for emergencies, so I think she probably knows how to charge a phone but that's it."

I exhale and nod, knowing it's possible, but would require some time.

I hear her inhale and hear her say, "Can we kiss now?" I inhale, know what I want but there are things that are more important than what I try to live off of, and say, "Anything else you talked about today that I should know about?"

I feel that hand on my back moving down and say, "Jazmine." I hear that giggle and feel that hand go under my shirt, feeling that warm hand and nails on my back. I swallow, close my eyes to relax, and hear that voice say, "We also talked about getting a real Christmas tree this year."

I inhale, trying to focus on the absurdity of that and not on those nails that are drawing on my back, and say, "You know that tree business is just another way for the white man," but she cuts me off saying, "And a lot of other holidays to bestie but I just." I hear her exhale and hear that whiny voice say, "For a long time we kept using one of those fake Christmas trees because we just." I feel those soft fingers drawing on my back now and hear that voice say, "We just had other things to worry about and didn't really talk about that stuff just, you know, brought down the plastic Christmas tree from the attic every year, and set it up with the plastic balls and lights. Everything was always." I hear her exhale and hear that voice say, "Plastic, you know, so it wouldn't break if it fell."

I open my eyes, see the darkness, the window, and do not see anything moving outside.

I exhale and hear her say, "So, I think this year we want to get a real Christmas tree when mom has a day off, start decorating the house with Christmas stuff, anything that's Christmas, and on Christmas Eve maybe we'll go to church and then come home and decorate the tree and watch Christmas movies and wrap up presents and listen to Christmas music until we're tired of it, and do everything, anything, and." I grab that arm that's hugging me, push her back onto the bed, and cover that body with my own.

I look down at that face, see those freckles in the moonlight, see that smile appear, and she says, "That's all we talked about today that you need to know about okay, old stuff that doesn't matter, my grandma that does matter, and fun stuff for Christmas."

I exhale, go down, kiss those lips, pull away, and say, "Fine." I see those eyes shine, possibly, as unrealistically as it is with all that is happening, because she's happy, go down, kiss those lips longer, and remember all the times I wanted to kiss them when she would walk up to me, not knowing back then the way they tasted, feeling my exhale with it. I pull away, remembering what she just said about what she wants to do, and I say, "But you're not making me listen to that pagan holiday music."

I see that smile, see that face come up, close my eyes feeling that tongue going over my lip, feeling myself twitch, and groan feeling that hand on my head. Fuck. I can't cum this fast. Not tonight. I want to enjoy her.

I exhale, trying to relax some, and hear that voice under me say, "I want to kiss my boyfriend now and help him and." I hear her swallow, open my eyes, see that tint I like, knowing I like things today, a lot of things, and she says, "Help him cum on my stomach."

I press myself down onto that soft stomach, feel that hand encircle my head, taste that tongue, and hear her say my name, knowing I get to have things today because some insignificant part of me is starting to believe, for myself, that I am a good person and know it's because of that Jazmine head and her unrealistic optimism in me and this world, and so she can have that pagan holiday music.

* * *

The Law Offices of Brown and Swanson. I shake my head, knowing some, most, of these organizations are only using these donations to cover their less-respectable expenses. More than likely they were paid more than what's on their books by some of their clients for not-so-legal tactics to do what was necessary to win a case and they only reported some of that additional payment and now need to write-off what was reported through some kind of donation. I could hardly care what those businesses do and how they make their money but I do understand many of them report only a fraction of some exorbitant amount of money they were paid and spend the rest on things they won't even tell their closest friends about, like drugs and strip clubs. Strip clubs. I exhale. My brother. Idiot. Only once did I not beat him on the way home after I found him out late at night because he had already been through and seen enough that night. I never asked him if that was the first and last time he went to that club and really I didn't care. After that, when he would leave I assumed it was either to a party or some other idiotic form of entertainment and if he was caught he would be with Ed and Rummy and they would have to deal with it. And that was the only time I've been to a strip club at the ripe age of fourteen, to drag my twelve year old brother home. My brother who I'm going to leave here when I graduate in two years and know, no matter how much he thinks he's grown up, he's still my idiot brother that's sold weed on the streets of downtown Woodcrest. I exhale, knowing I can deal with that later. I see the time on the screen and know it's almost time. And, feeling my smirk, remember that after that strip club I thought there would be nothing that could make me feel what some would call 'embarrassed'. And then, she started sleeping over.

I feel my smirk, with that warmth on my face, remembering she had to sleep in another t-shirt, again, after we were done on Saturday night.

I hear him say, "Must be thinking about Jazzy."

I stop typing, shake my head, continue typing, knowing my face is warm having thought about that soft stomach, and say, "Are you staying until the night team arrives?"

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Yeah, I'll stay. Have you given college a serious thought yet?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, see him sit down in the chair in front of the desk, and I say, "Yes, there's five top choices so far but it depends on several factors."

I see him smirk and he says, "Is one of those factors where Jazzy's accepted?"

I exhale, look back down, continue typing, hear him laugh, and hear him say, "It's alright Huey. A lot people decide on the college they'll attend based on location, living in a different place, certain degrees they offer, although most colleges more or less offer the same degrees, how close or far family is, financial issues, friends attending that same college, and for some that are lucky enough, it can come down to love."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at him, and say, "Frank, I didn't say," but he cuts me off with, "You don't have to. I remember when I was your age that was my top priority. Following her."

I feel my other eyebrow rise, nod for him to continue, and he says, "And I followed her."

I inhale, know the question, but it's not my business, and he says, "Monica."

I feel my mouth open, feel a deep feeling of something, not sure what that something is and not liking not knowing what it is, see him smile, and he says, "Yes, my wife."

I nod, trying to decipher the meaning of this and that feeling in my stomach, see him inhale, and he says, "I won't tell you what to do because that's your decision, but I know for me, there was no other decision to be made."

I exhale, see him smile, see him look down, and he says, "I knew that back then, when I was younger, and know that now even more, after many of my college friends did eventually marry and." I see him stop, see him exhale, and he says, "Although they are happily married, most are, with stable careers, family, friends, a life, they still think, some do." I see him look up at me and he says, "About the one that got away."

I nod, remembering sitting in this chair with Mr. Willis giving me advice on good and bad people, knowing this is his son, see him look down, shake his head, feeling my eyebrow rise, and he says, "One of those close friends of mine even told me he tried contacting her again."

I see him look up at me, see him exhale, and he says, "The first time he did this it was because he thought, somehow, this girl he dated in high school was waiting for him, not having moved on, not having started a life of her own with her own children and family, a husband." I see him exhale, see him look away, and he says, "A husband who apparently was my friend's childhood enemy." I see him shake his head, see him look at me with his eyebrow raised, and he says, "I didn't want to remind him that in college I told him to find her, look for her, transfer, due what was necessary, instead of the parties and girl after girl that someone always looked like her, so instead I told him the truth and the truth is that that girl, woman, was possibly not only the woman of his dreams but possibly the woman of another man's dreams and that man knew to not let her go and so now he had to move on, whether he wanted to or not."

I exhale, feel that want to see that soft blonde afro for some inexplicable damn reason, see him inhale, and he says, "So I won't tell you Huey what to do like I told Dennis many many times in college and then later in grad school, especially when he would make it to class with a hangover again because he got drunk the night before again thinking about her again, would agree to call her, find her, and then after a few days, once the hangover was gone, the memory of that night was long gone, he would find another girl with long dark hair, dark eyes that looked like Sandra, would say he was over her, even though I knew, we all knew, he never moved on and thought about her possibly every day."

I see him exhale and he says, "So I won't tell you what I told Dennis many many times because I think you're smarter than him, at least when it comes to life, because you've already had your own misfortunes." I inhale, see him look down, see him nod, and he says, "My father told me to keep good people close to me always. Dennis is a good person, has always been a good person, who luckily also had family that could help him financially while he looked for a job after grad school unable to find one for too long because of his poor school records and no work experience because of those parties and the drinking and those girls that were more important than applying for internships, even though we had hounded him about that, and hopefully, you won't be as stubborn as him because apparently, aside from having a late start in his career due to his choices in college and grad school, from what he told me a few months ago, the phone call he made to Sandra this time didn't sit well with her husband who happens to be a police officer and threatened to press charges and more important than even that, it didn't sit well with Dennis's wife who I believe is getting tired of this."

I feel my eyebrows rise, feel my chin rise, see him look at me, see him exhale, and he says, "And I'm starting to believe those phone calls, where people figure out they made a mistake or want to see if it's possible to get something they never had, come every ten years or so because it's every ten years he decides he's going to call her and see if she's divorced her husband and he can finally be with her, have a life with her, regardless of the fact that they both have separate families now, and it's every ten years or so that some of my other friends start reminiscing about the one they let get away."

I exhale, feeling that I'm overstepping my grounds, and hear myself say, "Is it possible that woman also made a mistake."

I see him smirk, see him lean back into the chair, and he says, "Women do not make those kinds of mistakes Huey. They love who they love." I see him exhale and he says, "Specifically, from what I know in Dennis's situation, there is a possibility Sandra loved Dennis back then, when they were younger, but the moment he thought those girls in college, those parties, that life was better than coming home to her, even if that meant to separate dorm rooms, like Monica and I did the first year, Sandra moved on and apparently Dennis's childhood enemy who did follow her to her college was there, waiting for her, and that is where that story ends."

I exhale, trying to decipher all of this, feel myself nod, see him smirk, and he says, "I understand you're interested in law school." I inhale, focus, and say, "I am, but I know it depends on what college I attend which law school will accept me, along with my GPA and LSAT score."

I see him nod and he says, "The college you attend hardly matters as long as it's reputable, what does matter is your experience there, how active you are in the student life, joining clubs and organizations, starting them, what you do outside of going to class, other than taking tests, keeping a high GPA, graduating at the top of your class. Grades, your GPA, that all matters, yes, but really you already have enough worthy accomplishments to secure internships at top law firms around the country while you pursue a law degree. But." I see him stop, aware that he works for one of the most well-known law firms in Texas keeping people with low-income out of jail, the prison system, predominantly blacks, and knows what he's talking about.

I see him smile and he says, "But none of that is possible unless you have drive, a reason for it all, a reason to read that next page, to submit that next assignment, to make that next speech, the next argument, to submit the next resume, the next application, and to wake up each morning, knowing after you see so many disenfranchised people on the street, in jail, in a pattern they cannot break out of, there's hope, there's hope for them, because you have hope."

Hope. I exhale and hear myself say, "Would you classify unrealistic optimism as hope?"

I see him laugh, see him smile, and he says, "Yes."

I nod and say, "Thank you Frank." I see him exhale and he says, "Well, it's still half an hour before you're supposed to leave, any other advice you need?"

I exhale, feel my smirk, shake my head looking down at the screen, seeing that law firm again on the screen, and hear myself say, "Unless you can help keeping my brother out of trouble when I leave, no."

I inhale. Shit. I look up, see him smirk, and he says, "Huey, don't worry about it, but about your brother."

I exhale, see him smile, and he says, "The only thing I can tell you about Riley is." I see him look away, see him thinking, look back at me, and he says, "He is the best example of what I regret the most in life."

I feel my eyebrow rise and see him smile. I exhale, trying to not be an imbecile again bringing that up, and he says, "Howie." I exhale and he says, "Howie was an idiot in many ways." I see him inhale, see him look down, and he says, "A lovable idiot. But he had this talent of making everyone feel at ease, whenever he was in the room, everyone, including myself, seemed to relax, to know everything would be." I see him exhale and he says, "Settled, as long as he was in the room and." I see him look up at me and he says, "Aside from the hair he had as a teenager, I think you also have that quality of his, which is one of the reasons my father calls you by his name."

I inhale and say, "Is he aware that he does that?" I see him exhale, see him look down, and he says, "I think he catches himself doing it and I believe he does it because he wants to keep Howie's presence here, in one way or another, and you help him in that, so thank you for that."

I exhale, see him look up at me, see him smile and he says, "But about Riley." I see him exhale and he says, "Whenever I see him, see how much you two look alike, how you interact, it makes me miss Howie and."

I inhale and he says, "Your brother is the best example of what I regret the most in life because he reminds me." I see him stop, see him inhale, and he says, "That I didn't tell him that even though he thought he wasn't as smart as his friends or myself because he had chosen to go into the military instead of going to college, I was still proud, proud that he was my brother, so proud I told everyone about him when I was in college and he had been deployed, Monica talked about him like he was her brother because she was proud and loved him and spoiled him when she could, and regardless of what he did with his life, I would always be proud because he was a good man, and I loved him, and I didn't tell him I loved him enough, and I didn't tell him he was a good man, that he was becoming a good man."

I see his eyes water, see him look down and inhale, and he says, "I apologize Huey. Other than with my wife, I rarely speak of him."

I inhale and say, "Frank, I didn't mean to," but he cuts me off with, "No Huey, please, it's fine and really it's not just you." I see him look up, see him inhale, and he says, "It's everything here, this place, the house where my father still lives, my father, whose getting older." I see him exhale, see him smile, and he says, "And that's why I decided to not leave this time and Monica will be bringing the kids, after she takes care of getting everything packed for the movers."

I exhale and say, "Was it that easy moving back?" I see him smile, see him exhale, and he says, "A lot easier than I thought it would be." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and he says, "Monica made it happen."

I nod for him to continue and he says, "When I called that night on Thanksgiving she asked how dad was doing, told her, and she said she wanted me to call the office and tell them we were moving, she would take care of clearing up my office with help from my assistant, would box up everything at home, set up the movers, fly out here with the kids once it was all done, and we would figure things out, financially, from there, but my father shouldn't be alone, and she reminded me that I've stayed away far too long, calling and visiting wouldn't be enough anymore, and then." I see him smirk, see him look away, and he says, "I did exactly that. I called the office the next day, told them I wouldn't be going back, and they said they were aware of the problem of the large population of low-income individuals in this area and wanted me to open a satellite office here that would serve their legal needs."

I see him look back at me, smirking, and he says, "Our people Huey are everywhere. Yes, I will serve low-income individuals, but in the kind of world we live in, a large section of that population is our people and so I will still be of service to them here, and." I see him exhale, see him smile, and he says, "I can have my kids grow up near my father, will continue helping those that need help that cannot afford it, and." I see him look down and he says, "I will continue remembering my brother here, where we grew up, watching my kids grow up here, who are still young enough to enjoy growing up here, and Monica."

I see him look back up at me, see him exhale, and he says, "Dennis will always be one of my closest friends, stubborn as a mule as my father would say, but unlike him, I don't have to live with that regret that he does, that one regret that too many stubborn fools, some close friends, have to live with."

I exhale and say, "Thank you for that advise and." I inhale and say, "It'll be good to have you here. I." I exhale and say, "Sometimes do think about Mr. Willis during the day and how he's doing."

I see him smile, see him nod, and he says, "Thank you and yes, with my kids here helping on the weekends, it'll be like little Jazzy never grew up."

I can't help it, thinking about those days, that uncontrollable afro in those two buns as large as her head, annoying as all hell, and still, she could make me smirk, possibly even smile, even back then, when she wasn't looking. I feel it on my face right now, thinking about that smile, that laugh, and that uncontrollable hair back then, looking at the screen, and hear Frank say, "Six years of knowing you Huey and this is first time I have seen something close to a smile. She must make you happy."

I feel myself nod and hear myself say, "She does." Shit. I look up, see him smile, and I say, "Frank," but he cuts me off with, "I didn't hear anything Huey and I'm sure with as smart as she is, she probably already knows."

I exhale, look down at the time, and hear him say, "How about you leave right now, go get her early, and I'll finish up what you're doing?" I look up and say, "Frank it's only scheduling and," but he cuts me off with, "Per replies you received from each organization, should be easy enough. Go. Tomorrow you can stay until seven on the dot, okay?"

I inhale, look back down at the last few emails, and hear him say, "Monica's always happy when I get home early. Go."

I exhale, feel my smirk, nod, get up, walk over to the coat hanger, put my coat on, and say, "Thank you."

I walk out and hear him say, "Of course Howie." I inhale, look back at him, see him looking at me with his mouth open, hear him start to apologize, and I say, "Frank."

I see him stop and nod for me to continue. I exhale, remember the girl I'm going to see in six minutes, and I say, "It's a good name, it sounds like my name, and it was giving to." I exhale and say, "People with character. Have a good night."

I see him smile and I turn around, possibly wanting to go for a run and be there in two minutes.

* * *

I feel my cheeks getting warm seeing him look at me. Okay, when am I going to stop doing that? I exhale, knowing I had to get away from him because he wouldn't stop with that hand. I mean I like it, a lot, but we can't do that here. I exhale, see him smirk that cute smirk at me, remembering those lips yesterday, not really knowing or caring why he wanted to go home so fast, just to take my backpack off of me, turning on CNN, pushing me down on the couch, and then kissing me, like that, in the day, well, the evening, knowing my sister and Riley could walk in on us at any time, feeling his cock over, with CNN on somewhere in the background, our backpacks on the floor somewhere, that tongue, those kisses all over my neck and the top of my chest, feeling myself shaking, and then swearing I kept hearing him say that he wasn't going to let me get away. I didn't even care what that meant, I just wanted him to keep kissing me, and feeling myself getting really, really wet.

I hear her voice say, "Jazzy boo?" I look over at my sister, see her smiling at me that pretty smile, and say, "Yeah sissy?" I see her start laughing and I can't help but start laughing.

I feel her hug me and hear her say, "You happy I texted your butt befor' we got home." I exhale and say, "Thank you sissy. I was gonna be so embarrassed if you and Riley walked in on us."

I hear her giggle, hug her back, and hear her say, "Aw boo, you knows Riles and I be doing the same shit." I giggle and hear Ming's voice say, "'Bout that." I feel my eyebrow rise, let go of my sister, look over at Ming, see her looking down, blushing, hear myself giggle, and hear her say, "So, couldn't ask you'll on Sunday cuz we were training and the guys were there and shit and then yesterday he wouldn't let my ass get up from that table but, and I don't need details cuz, you know, we're in school and shit and we can text later, but this last Saturday, um." I see her look up at us, see her exhale, see her smile, and she says, "Well kinda, you know, did a few things with Michael and I just don't know, like, if I'm doing it right."

I feel my mouth open and hear Lauren say, "Um, did he say he liked it?" I feel my eyes get big, look over at her, see her blushing, looking at Ming, and hear Ming say, "Wells he kind of just, you know, finished, but I just don't know if he liked it cuz he didn't say anything after. He was just, you know, quiet, and just kind of smiling. And we all know Michael's ain't quiet."

I giggle and hear my sister say, "Yeah I think when Riles really likes it, he kind of just lays there and shit, not saying anything, just looking up, like he in bliss and shit." Oh my god. I close my eyes. No, not thinking about my little sister doing those things. No.

I hear Lauren say, "Yeah, same with my Hiro, like." I feel my eyes open, look at Lauren, see her looking down, and she says, "He kind of just, you know, got hard again and before he went to the bathroom I asked him if I could like, touch it, and he let me, and then I, you know, did it for him so he wouldn't have to go to the bathroom and do it himself, and when I was done and he had finished, he just looked at me, and." I see her stop, see her look away, and she says, "Then he kissed me, a lot, like he was just happy I did that to him and I didn't even know if I was doing it right, but I think he really liked it even though he didn't say it, so that's why I asked if he said it because I don't know if guys are supposed to say it."

I feel my eyes open, seeing Lauren looking away with that blush, and hear my sister say, "Yeah, same with Riles, we just, you know, finish each other but." I close my eyes, not being completely ready to hear that from my little sister, because she's my little sister, put my head down, and say, "Oh my god."

I hear my friends and sister laughing, feel my smile, feel her arm around my shoulders, and hear my sister say, "Aw boo, you happy for me." I put my head on her shoulder, open my eyes, seeing our friends smiling at us, and I say, "I am sissy, it's just weird, I mean because you're my real sister and he's like my half-brother."

I hear them all laughing, exhale, happy, knowing I'm trying to focus on this, right now, not think about anything else, and hear Ming say, "Yeah, he kind of, you know, just laid there and shit and I just." I see her exhale, see her purse her lips, and she says, "I just know he's been with other girls and I just," but hear my sister's voice cut her off with, "Nah ah Mimi's you ain't doing that shit."

I see Ming look at my sister, see her look away, sad I think, and hear my sister say, "Mimi's, look at me." I feel my smile, seeing Ming turn with a smirk, knowing no one can say no to my sister, and hear my sister say, "One, we all knows he was all over your ass first day he saw you." I see her giggle and I say, "Two, remember he didn't let you leave the table yesterday and I'm sure he hasn't stopped touching you for the last ten minutes so whatever happened this last weekend, he probably really liked Mimi's."

I see her laugh and hear Lauren say, "And three, you know to not compare yourself to that sata because you're on the basketball team, are one of the smartest and prettiest girls at this school Mimi's, and he never looks at that girl, so I don't think he even thinks about her okay."

I see her exhale and hear Ming say, "You'll right. I ain't gonna trip. I'll just ask him this weekend when I go down on him a," see her stop, see her get completely red, see Lauren hug her, see my sister move up and hug her, and I go in and hug them, feeling Ming exhale.

I hear my sister's voice say, "Mimi's I've done that shit to a'ight, few times, and I knows for a fact Riles likes it, but I think I might like that shit more." Oh my god. I giggle with them and then hear Lauren say, "Yeah Mimi's and I'm sure, the way my Hiro and me are going, and how good it felt to do that to him, even if it's weird I don't care, I wanna do that to him to." I hear them laugh, I feel my smile, and I say, "Mimi's, as you call him my afro." I hear them giggle, feel my smile get bigger, and say, "My afro has to stop me from doing that to him because I like doing it too much I think and, I mean, I don't know what the right way is or what it really means to go down on a guy, I just know that I like it, how we do it, so just have fun and ask him if he likes it. Sex is supposed to be, um." I feel my lips purse trying to remember and hear my sister's voice say, "I think our mama said it's supposed to be wonderful when you with someone that really cares 'bout you." I hear us exhale, feel my smile, and I say, "I think she also said it can be magical, specially when you talk about it before you do it, because you care about each other and spend time with each other." I feel my little sister and Lauren's hands on my back and hear my sister's voice say, "And he makes your ass feel like you the prettiest fucken girl ever and then, even though it ain't something I'm ever gonna say to anyone but you'll, shit can feel like making love, even if you ain't having sex yet."

And then I hear a slap. I let go of my sister and friends, look over and feel my eyes open, seeing Michelle from here, looking really mad, with a big red mark on her face, and Ashley standing next to a sitting Cairo. And Cairo, just sitting there, not trying to stop them.

I see Michelle lunge herself at Ashley, and feel my eyes open, seeing them on the floor, fighting, well, sort of. A lot of pulling of hair and some slapping, and then that hard slap on Ashley's face, under Michelle, who's straddling her. Oh god, why did Michelle have to wear a skirt today? Well, at least she's wearing boy shorts. That helps.

I feel that warm hand grab me, put my fingers through it, and follow those broad shoulders back to our table, happy, at least today, both of them aren't bothering my bestie or my friends, who I can see are all walking their girlfriends back to our table. I want to laugh at how cute it is that instead of standing around like some of the other guys at this school, watching the fight trying to see if Ashley or Michelle will end up taking off more clothes during the fight, our boyfriends are walking us back to our table, not looking in that direction. I think I'll kiss him after lunch.

I smile seeing him pull me in, so I can slide in through his side, sit down, slide in, and see him slide in after me, feeling that hand on my thigh. God, I hope he doesn't put it close to my inner thigh again. I can't focus when he does that.

Then, I hear Mr. Leon's voice say, "Knew this was a bad idea! Fighting over that! Both of you!"

I look over, see a group of kids around that table and can't see Ashley or Michelle anymore. Then I hear Ashley's voice say, "Go to hell Leon! I'll have what I want! Take her away!"

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel him squeeze my leg, look back down at the table, grab his sandwich, unwrap it for him, give it to him, and move my leg over to be on top of his leg, feeling him put that hand on my inner thigh.

I look back down and keep reading the next paragraph I was on in my book. _Though the kaleidoscope_. I grab my pen and underline that word. _kaleidoscope of industry appeared to offer vast possibilities for workers, African Americans were slotted_. I underline that word. _into unskilled and service labor._

I hear a voice say, "How much is she paying you Mr. Leon! I'll pay you more!" I exhale and keep reading. _Black men filled positions with the railroads; as day workers, they groomed roads, distributed ballast,_. Underline that word. _and shoveled snow off the tracks._

I hear a voice say, "You can't take me! Do you know who I am! Leon do something!" I exhale, know I can't read until this ends, feel someone staring at me, look up at him, see that beautiful face looking at me, look down at those lips, and see that cute smirk. Was he staring at me while I was reading?

It's Tuesday isn't it? But I really didn't annoy him yesterday so. I feel my smile, move up, kiss those lips, hearing the yelling, feel him kiss me back, maybe because everyone's paying attention to the fight, and exhale, happy he's mine.

I hear someone yell, "I don't care how much money you have Ashley! You're such a slut! Everyone knows you're sleeping with both of them!"

I put my hands on those cheeks, feeling those cheekbones, move up to him, feel that hand go up my thigh, over my stomach, go under my shirt, up my waist, and hug my side. I sit up, suck on that upper lip, and feel him squeeze my side really hard. We are going to our janitor's room after lunch.

I hear Mr. Leon yell, "Hey! That table! You all stop that right now!" I feel my eyebrow rise, feel him pull away, see those dark reds, and hear Ashley's voice say, "You fat ass this isn't over! You can't have both of them! You can't have them! None of you can!"

I exhale, look over and see Ashley red in the face, with Mr. Leon behind her, holding her hands I think, looking in our direction, I think at us. I look around and see my sister and friends are all semi-sitting on their boyfriends' laps, holding them. Were we all making out with our boyfriends?

I feel my smile, see my friends all giggle, and hear someone say, "Go to hell Ashley! My family has a lot of money to so I don't care what you do! And everyone knows you don't even want him! You still want Huey! Hell! You'll probably sleep with anyone at that table! I actually want him and I haven't slept with his friend you whore!"

And I hear another slap. I look up, see Michelle lunge herself at Ashley, and see Mr. Ramirez grab her arms and put them behind her. I see him look up at Mr. Leon and hear him say, "Fred grab the other student because this counselor let her go!"

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Mr. Leon say, "I did no such thing!" I see Mr. Ramirez start walking away holding Michelle, see another security guard grab Ashley, see her eyes get big, and hear her start yelling that Mr. Leon is the only one that can take her in, feeling my other eyebrow rise.

I see Mr. Leon trying to talk to the other security guard and hear Mr. Ramirez's voice say, "Fred, let's go! And don't listen to him! She will be treated like any other student here! Both of them are going to the principal right now!"

I feel my mouth open. I like Mr. Ramirez. Then, I feel that breath in my ear and hear him whisper, "After this break where the government is trying to poison us ends, I want you to sit on my lap and I want to kiss you."

I swallow feeling my cheeks getting warm again, feel my smirk, look back at him, see that red I like so much and only his family has, look back down at those lips, and whisper, "Okay but only if you promise to let me taste you this weekend." I see him lick those lips, hear him swallow, and he says, "Fine."

I feel my smile and then hear Riley's voice say, "Bet stacks we see 'nother hoe fight befor' semester ends." I see that cute smirk, hearing the laughing at our table, giggle, put my head on that broad shoulder, feel his hand come down to my stomach, and stay on my inner thigh.

I look over, see that Riley Freeman smirk looking at Hiro, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear Hiro say, "You're fucken on Riley. And your ass wanna bet stacks, goes up ten a day, we got three more weeks of this fucken school, wells." I look over at Hiro hearing him stop, see him looking over my head, then back down at me with his smirk, and he says, "Wells we got three more weeks but the ones with all them A's only got two." I hear them laugh, feeling my smile and blush, a little embarrassed, knowing if you have at least an A minus in all your classes and your teachers give you permission you don't have to show up for review and finals week, but Huey and I are still going to because some of my teachers told me to show up anyways so other students don't miss school just because they think it's okay and Huey's showing up because that warm brain always shows up and I think because he wants to be here with us, not just to protect me anymore but also because he just wants to be here with his friends. That warm affectionate brain that's making me blush more squeezing my thigh.

I see Hiro shake his head with that smirk and he says, "Both you'll are nerds man." I hear the table laughing harder, making me laugh, and remembering my book, I look back down at the table to keep reading it.

Then I hear Hiro's voice say, "So, after this week we only got one more week and then that fucked up finals week you'll got here and since this bullshit of a fight happen right now, I know shit ain't happening rest of the week, so we bet last two weeks. What days you got and remember bet goes up ten a day shit don't happen so if you want last day and there ain't no other bullshit fight," and hear Riley cut him off with, "I knows. A bens."

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing I've never heard a real bet before, like a real one. I look up, see Riley looking over the cafeteria, see him nod, look back at Hiro, and he says, "A'ight, I want…"

I feel my smirk, thinking maybe I should also learn how the world works right now, not just history, because I think my mom and that warm brain have said they're both important. So, I close my book, bring my hand down under the table, hold that warm hand, and feel his fingers going through mine. And I kind of know that warm brain is listening to. But we need to feed that warm brain, so listening to them talk, I look back down at the table, see the foil on the table from the sandwich he just ate, grab the next one with those jalapenos, unwrap it, and give it to him. I feel him brush my hand grabbing the sandwich, feel my smile, and hear my friends laughing, looking forward to our janitor's room after lunch.

* * *

I feel that hug and hear her say, "Yeah, texted the girls at my old table to tell him that I told him he can throw it down with him but I still don't want my man getting kicked off the football team cuz of him so he needs to stay away or I'ma slap him myself." I laugh and hear her say, "Yeah, you know I can't even say 'I'ma' or 'ain't' ever around my mom and dad and even my sister or they get on me about speaking pro,per,ly?"

I start laughing, put my arm around her shoulders, walking down the hallway, and hear her say, "But talking about pro,per,ly, that was a ghetto ass fight Jazzy. I mean I've seen fights, know I can fight, at least to defend myself if I need to, but those two, damn, cannot fight."

Oh my god. I close my eyes, start laughing harder, and hear her say, "But damn, did you hear? I mean everyone kind of knows she's sleeping with him but I don't think they knew she was sleeping with that other guy he hangs out with to. That's something, I mean, I don't care what she does as long as it's not with my boyfriend, but damn."

I exhale, remembering what Riley said, how sad Ashley's mom is, and I say, "Well, as long as she's doing it because she wants to I guess it's up to her but yeah, I know what you're saying, and I just hope she's smart about what she's doing. I mean even if she doesn't get, you know, pregnant, she could still get an STD so hopefully she's using protection."

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Jazzy, don't even think about her like that. She's just a bitch." I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Did she do something because I'll go tell her off right now because I don't want you getting in trouble." I hear her giggle and hear her say, "No, don't worry, she hasn't done or said anything to me but she does talk shit and I just don't want you to feel bad for her okay?"

I exhale and say, "Okay Lena but just tell me and I'll slap her." I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "Promise it's not about me, at least not things I've heard, but don't ever feel bad for her. She's a bitch and just talks shit but I'll always tell people whenever I hear things that come from her that she's a stupid bitch and I don't wanna know anything she says, specially about my friends."

I exhale, see him standing at the door, leaning there again, and I say, "Lena, if it's about me I promise I don't care, she can say whatever she wants. I just wanna think about people and things that make me happy and she's nowhere in there."

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Alight Jazzy, but I'll kick her ass to if I ever hear her saying shit in front of me about you or any of my friends okay."

I smile, thinking about how much of a good friend she is, turn to her, hug her, and say into those braids, "Thanks Lena. You make me think about things that make me smile and that's what I need right now." I feel her exhale and hear her say, "I thought you were acting a little weird, quiet, so I knew something was up. Is it about that jerk?"

I exhale, put my face into her shoulder and say, "No, just home stuff, but luckily it's not about anyone that makes me happy, and you're helping me focus on stuff that's fun and high school things and that's a lot easier than that other stuff so just keep doing that okay?"

I feel her exhale and hear her say, "Okay Jazzy, you have my number so text or call if you wanna talk and just know that jerk is looking at you right now and I can't believe that shit when he had two girls fighting over him, so stupid, like he just needs to let you go and let you be happy with your afro."

My afro. Oh my god. I start laughing, feel her hug me tighter, and hear her say, "That's what I wanted to hear. Just think about that afro or your family or your friends when you wanna laugh okay?"

I exhale, nod, feel her let go, see her smirk and start walking down the hallway to her class.

I hear the bell ring, turn around, see him looking at me with clear eyes, remember he's been okay since that day, walk up to the door, hear him say hi, nod at him, and walk in.

* * *

I smile, knowing I get to go to the nursing home now and see Mo. I want to tell her about everything I'm learning in that book. I'm so happy she told me about it. She said it's a college book she read in an African American history class she took. That's so awesome.

I put my pen in my backpack, zip it up, and hear him say my name. I exhale, knowing when it's him that's saying it now.

I look up, see him looking at me, nod, not really wanting to talk to him again, see him exhale, and he says, "I know what you probably thinking 'bout today, but I didn't want that shit."

I inhale, get up, put my backpack over my shoulder, see him look up at me, and he says, "You blaming my ass? I was just sitting there, ain't doing shit, and she comes up, and then," but I cut him off with, "Cairo, it doesn't matter why it started. What matters is that you didn't do anything. You just let them fight over you and now Michelle's missing class because of that. She might even be suspended and you're not even talking about that and how bad that is."

I see him stand up, I exhale, and I say, "I'm not giving you anymore of my energy. I'm done with you."

I see his eyes open, I turn around, feel him grab my wrist, twist out of it, and start walking away.

I get to the door, push it open, and hear someone open it behind me. I hear him next to me, look forward, seeing some of the girls looking at me, and roll my eyes.

I hear him say, "Look Jazmine." I exhale and say, "Cairo, I'm going to meet Huey right now and I don't want anything to happen so stop following me, please."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Look, I didn't even wanna talk 'bout that shit. Just wanna tell your ass, I mean you, wanna tell you, thank you, a'ight."

I feel my lips purse, see that long dark hair from here, and inhale, not knowing he knew I walked this way. And, why do I get such a creepy feeling from him? And, I can't really deal with him, with creepy feelings, right now. I have other things I'm dealing with. Where is he? I exhale, I can do this. I'm more grown up than this.

I hear him say, "Jazmine." I exhale, swallow, looking at that light at the end of the hallway where the staircase is, remembering I'm a strong girl and things always, always, work out, and I say, "I know. You said thank you. Look Cairo, I really can't talk right now, so just," but he cuts me off with, "You scared of his ass?"

I exhale, shake my head, trying to not lie but knowing I need to believe it first, and say, "No."

I see him step up, knowing his going to block my way to the stairs, crack my right wrist, my strong hand, and hear Cairo say, "You want me to fuck 'em up?"

I inhale and say, "No." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Jazmine, I seen that look a'ight. You scared of his ass, more than you were scared of me back in Chi-Town."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "I wasn't scared of you Cairo, just mad that you could've started a fight in Aunt Cookie's house and." I see him smirk doing that thing again, looking over my shoulder and looking me up, even though I'm wearing a fuzzy warm sweater and jeans. I inhale and say, "I get this weird feeling that you were just lost back then, really lost, but you're better now, and wouldn't hurt me, even if I don't totally trust you yet, but him, I get this weird feeling that I have to be careful with him, like he will hurt me."

I hear Cairo inhale, I take that last step, making sure to stay far enough away from him, look up, and say, "Let me pass."

I see his smirk get bigger, squint my eyes at him, and I say, "I will hurt you. Let me pass."

I hear Cairo say, "I seen your ass still watching her fucken crazy ass white boy and I'ma fuck you up if your ass don't move." I inhale, not knowing he was still watching me, wondering when and how if I always look around. I see him look over at Cairo, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "You think just cuz I look white that means I won't fight your ass? I will fuck you up in front of her and all these dumbass girls that think you're something."

Out of corner of my eye I see Cairo step up, feel my eyes open, and I move in and push him back. I look up at him, see Cairo looking down at me, see him exhale looking at me like that again, maybe because I touched him, and feel a little sad, hoping I don't ever lead him on because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He's Huey's first best friend. My Huey. I exhale and say, "Cairo, please, I can defend myself."

I turn around, step up, knowing I'm scared for some weird reason, but I'm not going to show it, look up at Zack, lift my chin, and say, "What do you want Zack? We're not friends, we don't have any classes together, and I want nothing to do with you. You're rude and after what you told me last time I'm never going to date you. So, leave me alone because I can defend myself just fine. So really, just step out of my way and don't come near me again."

I hear Cairo inhale behind me, see Zack smirk, and he says, "I fucked up." I feel my eyebrow rise, nod, and say, "Okay. Let me pass now."

I see him exhale and he says, "Should've started dating you last year, before summer, and then I would've shown you a better time than that fucken," I inhale and cut him off saying, "Don't talk about my boyfriend. He's the best guy I know and I will hurt you for him. Now move or I'll make you move."

I see him smile, not knowing why it's creepy, and he says, "That's what I want, make me."

I open my hip, pull my right hand back, see that afro, that mocha colored hand come down on his shoulder, and see that hand squeeze that shoulder.

I look back up at that face, see him inhale, and hear that voice say, "I will not do it here because there are too many witnesses, but I will beat you, long before you touch her, now leave, and if I see you again looking at her, I will break one of your bones and you will miss the use of that bone."

I inhale, knowing I need to get everyone away from him. I exhale, walk around Zack, see him, walk up to him, and put my hand on his shoulder. I feel him relax and see him let go of Zack's shoulder.

I grab that hand that was holding Zack's shoulder, look back at Zack, see him looking down at me, and wonder why he's like this when I don't remember him at all, not before that day last year. I see him inhale and he says, "It's going to happen Jazmine." I feel him shaking, squeeze his hand, and I say, "No, it's not. It's never gonna happen Zack. And, I'm not trying to be mean but I don't remember you from last year, we weren't friends, so I don't know why you even want to date me, just see other girls, because I'm not going to date you, and more than even that, I have a boyfriend, so leave me alone."

I see him look at me, raise my chin at him, and he says, "We'll see." Then I see him look to the side and walk around us.

I see Cairo standing there, looking at me, see him exhale, and I say, "Thank you for trying to defend me Cairo, really."

I turn to that afro I like so much, see him looking at Cairo, squeeze his hand again, and say, "Bestie, remember important things, Mr. Willis, Mo."

I see him inhale, see him look down at me, see his eyelids come down a little, smile at him, and pull that hand. I see him nod, feel him let go of my hand, and I turn so we can start walking down the hallway towards the stairs, not seeing that dark hair anymore and wondering where he went or if he's that fast. Then, I feel that warm grab my hand, feeling my cheeks getting warm, feeling him put his fingers through mine, knowing all the students are looking, and Huey doesn't like public affection, but he speaks in actions. And I like those hands. So, I hold his hand tighter, and start walking down the hallway.

* * *

Am I ever going to stop smelling him? No, I'm not. I inhale and hear him say, "Jazmine." I can't help it and I start giggling. I feel him scoot closer and feel my smile get bigger. I think he likes when I smell him. I hope he does because I think I will always like smelling him. So, I smell him again, and hear him say my name again.

I kiss that back and say, "I'm sorry. But I'm just happy with this week and just how I don't feel as, you know, worried anymore because that man is calling you and Riley every day and you're telling him whatever we want him to know so, everything's okay."

I hear him inhale, feel his temperature rising, and hear him say, "Jazmine, he is still here, in this damn city, and you need to be careful and stop acting like everything is fine when." Oh no, not again. I squirm my hand out, scoot back, pull that broad shoulder back onto the bed, get up, and put my leg over his hips, sitting on him. I see those eyelids come down a little, looking at me, and he says, "I am not always around."

He's thinking about the Zack thing, maybe even Cairo, and that other person I'm trying to not think about too much. My bestie.

I grab those cheeks, go down, kiss those soft lips, and feel those rough hands on my thighs. I pull away, feel something on my head push me back down, and feel his tongue go into my mouth. God.

I taste that tongue with that toothpaste I really, really like, not really knowing why, if we were kissing a little while ago, it still taste that good. But he needs to rest. I know he does.

I pull away, hear him exhale, feel my smirk, and look down at those dark burgundy eyes. I can see how tired they look from that extra training I know he's doing in the mornings. I exhale, hoping those massages help him, and say, "You need to rest bestie, so rest, and please don't think about those people tonight okay? I promise I'll be even more careful, leave every day from class with everyone, like I've been doing since that day, even if he's still walking out with me."

I feel that squeeze on my thighs, feel my small smile, and I say, "I only want you okay." It's not a question, I know I do.

I hear him exhale, feel my smile get bigger, and I say, "And I'm not dumb, if some girl walked out of class with you that I know likes you, even though I'm sure there are a lot of girls that do, I'd be really mad to so believe me, I'm not even talking to him, I just answer questions about class and nothing else, and the good thing is that since Michelle came back the next day he's been okay, like he just walks out with me, walks me until he sees you I think and then I think he leaves to go hang out with Michelle who I know is right behind us. I just wish Michelle and I were okay so I could talk to her while we're walking out so it could feel like it's one group with me and a boyfriend and a girlfriend."

I see that beautiful eyebrow rise and he says, "Why do you assume two people who are having sex with each other, be it idiot teenagers, are in what this society considers a relationship simply because they are having sex with each other?"

I open my mouth, remember that I'm not supposed to compare myself to other girls, us to other couples, and close it. I look to the side and think about this. Wait.

I look back at that face and say, "Wait, I don't know why I didn't think about this until now but if they're still." I exhale, see that smirk, and I say, "Sleeping with each other and he's still sitting with Ashley at lunch, does that mean they, like, share him now?"

I see that eyebrow rise a little bit more. Oh god, really? That's so gross. And how do people do that?

I see that smirk, almost a smile, almost, feel my exhale seeing how beautiful he is and probably doesn't know he is. And what were we talking about? It was probably not that important.

I go down, lick that bottom lip, feel that squeeze on my thighs, feel myself being lifted, feel myself falling, hold those shoulders, blink, and see that face over me. I feel my mouth open, feeling the bed under me, see those eyes looking down at me, and exhale, happy he has such a big bed he can flip me over like that.

I look down at those lips, feel his hand leave my thigh, feel the back of his hand on my cheek, and inhale, knowing he's this affectionate, this warm, when we're alone. And, he holds my hand in public sometimes. And, he's mine. And, I want to take care of him.

I exhale, grab that hand that's on my cheek, kiss his knuckles, hear him exhale, look back at him, smile, and say, "I'm sorry Huey, I shouldn't have done that. I know you're tired and you need to rest. So, let's go to sleep and I want you to sleep in tomorrow, I mean this morning, after I leave with my family and friends okay?"

I see him blink and see that burgundy turning into that darker color that I really like because it's really late and we were talking, spending time with each other, watching movies, researching some stuff online, just being happy today and didn't go to bed until it was late.

I see him exhale and he says, "I want to know if you've had anymore." I see him inhale and hear him say, "Dreams."

I inhale, feel a coldness in my chest, feel the bed moving, feel those hands on my cheeks, see him looking down at me with those wide eyes, and hear that deep voice say, "Jazmine." I inhale and remember my mom's at home, across the street, with Leo, who can fight like the guys, feel that coldness going away, my little sister's upstairs with Riley being hugged by him because she told me this week they do that and I told her we hug at night to, feel the coldness only in the center of my chest, and I'm right here, in this room, full of posters of influential African Americans and revolutionaries like the boy, the man, that's here right now, between my legs, looking at me like I'm the only thing that exists to him, and feel the center of my chest getting warm again. He's always looked at me like that, even when he was making me cry telling me the truth about the world. He's always looked at me like I was special to him. And know, the coldness is gone.

I feel my smile again, exhale, and say, "No bestie, no dreams, not since that one, and that's why I really haven't wanted to think about him unless it's because we need to talk about keeping my mom and sister safe, because, I think, talking about him now makes the dreams come back, even makes me feel a little cold, and even though I know that's as bad as it got, him doing that at night, I still don't wanna have those dreams or feel like that when I think about it."

I see him inhale, see those eyes looking at me, knowing that warm brain is thinking, and I let him think. After a few seconds, I see those eyes blink, see him exhale, see him come down, and feel those lips kiss me, closing my eyes, hoping this part where we kiss doesn't ever end. And, I feel that warmth in my chest, thinking maybe it's happiness, like what I feel in my stomach sometimes. Then, I feel him pull away, open my eyes, see him exhale, and hear him say, "If those dreams do come, do not forget what you told me that first day."

I feel my smile, see those tired eyes, and I say, "Okay big hair, I'll talk to you if things come up in my head or if I have more dreams about the last few years but right now let's go to sleep because you need to rest and in a few hours I need to go Christmas shopping with my sister and mom and my friends and Leo, basically everyone but you, Riley, and the guys."

I hear him exhale through that cute nose, go up, kiss it, see that cute smirk on him, looking at me with those tired eyes, and I say, "And we also wanna get my grandma's present now so we can mail it to her and she can have it before Christmas Eve."

I see him inhale and he says, "I need to." I see him stop and see those cheeks getting a little red. Is Huey Freeman blushing, again? He's only done that a couple of times, that I counted, and only when he's given me presents or when he was checking me out or when I caught his face over me and we were doing stuff to each other. Okay, maybe he does blush a lot. I feel that warmth in my stomach, that happiness, hoping I make him blush. I see him exhale and he says, "I need to give you something."

I open my mouth, see him exhale with that blush, reminding me how bashful he can be, feel my smile, and I say, "Okay, what is it bestie?"

I see him look away with that blush, feel a warmness leave me, look down, see him get up from the bed in those dark basketball shorts and that tight white cotton muscle shirt, the moonlight making those muscles stand out, and feel my mouth open. God.

I see him walk over to the TV, see him open the drawer under it, and see him pull out a black rectangular box. I see him close the drawer, walk over to the nightstand, turn on the small reading lamp, and see that it's a small laptop.

I look up at him, see him sit down on the edge of the bed, open the laptop, and see that it's already on. I scoot up and feel my eyebrow rise seeing that the only thing on the screen is a black window. It doesn't even need a password to use it.

I hear him say, "This is a basic laptop that I will connect to your cell phone, your mother's, and your sister's so you can facetime." I nod, confused, and say, "Okay, but why bestie, if we can just use our iPhones?" I see him nod and see him look down at the keyboard. I look down at it and feel even more confused seeing that there is no keyboard, just two big buttons, a green one and a blue one, both as big as my hand.

I feel my eyes open and hear myself say, "Is that like a big iPhone for my grandma?" I hear him inhale and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. Yes, it is."

I inhale and hear him say, "The functions are basic, all she has to do is keep it charged, although the battery will last for several weeks if she doesn't use it often. She opens it, presses the green button and the call will go through to your phones. You can decide which one of you will pick up the call and facetime from there. Once the call connects the entire screen will become her way to video chat. When the call is done, the other line, your grandmother, can hang up by either pressing the blue button or closing the laptop, or your line can hang up. All she has to know is the moment she opens the laptop, as long as it's charged, it will wake up from sleep mode, there is no way to turn it off. She opens it, the laptop wakes up from sleep mode, she presses the green button, and the call will be made to all three phones or she can keep the laptop open, whether it's being charged or on sleep mode, press the green…"

I know he's talking because I've heard that monotone voice before. But I can't really hear the rest. I grab the laptop, close it, lean over, put it on the nightstand, push the covers off of me, and hear him say my name. I sit up, scoot over to him, bring my knee into my chest, stretch that leg over his lap, and scoot up to that face, seeing those eyes looking at me. I put my hands on those shoulders, those muscles, and hug his hip with my leg, feeling my calf over that nice butt of his. I feel those muscles in my hands, how strong and soft they feel, see those eyelids go down a little, remember everything he is, everything he will always be, exhale, and slowly put my lips on him, knowing it's Huey and he doesn't like fast movements even when he's relaxed, and close my eyes.

I feel the warmth in those shoulders, knowing his whole body gets warm when he gets warm, feel those hands on my hips, push my tongue into his mouth, hear him inhale, feel those large hands go down to my butt, squeezing it, and feel him stand up. And, feeling myself in the air now I put my other leg around his hip, holding him with both my legs now, happy for all that training because my legs are stronger now. My whole body is stronger now. I'm stronger now. And, feeling that cock right there, between my legs, I put my arms around his shoulders, and start moving over that cock.

I hear him curse with my nickname into my mouth, really, really loud, feel him sit back down, hearing him groan an 'umph,' and then feel that bite on my lip. I start moving slower over that cock because I'm getting really hot and it feels really, really good like this, going slow.

I feel those kisses on my cheek, on my chin, on my neck, smell that oil in his afro he started using after his shower, oil from Morocco that smells like a kind of sweet strong buttery wood, almost like what I think sand smells like, sand in Africa, the sand around those pyramids I want to see one day. I want to see them one day with him.

I exhale, open my eyes, see that hair, thick, like him, bring my hands to that face, to those cheeks, pull that face up, see that pretty auburn I like so much, kiss those lips, putting my tongue inside his mouth looking for my treasure, hearing that groan, and hug those shoulders. I hear him say my nickname, feel those kisses on my lips, that cock on my stomach, give him more kisses, and hear myself tell him, in between those kisses, that I want to go to Africa with him, see those pyramids, because that's where it all started, where he told me and I read that humans started, in Africa, and feel that cock on my stomach move. I feel that shaking, feel those hands on my butt push me into his cock, feel his cock in my inner thigh, rubbing my lips on that side, those silky shorts he's wearing letting me feel how hard it is, knowing everything is wet everywhere right now, as I'm moving over that cock, and hear that really deep voice say that he's right here, he's not going anywhere, and he's not letting me get away.

I pull away, know he said that because I've heard him say that before, see those eyes, go down that beautiful face he doesn't know he has, kiss that chin, smell that soap, go down a little bit more, and kiss that neck everywhere, feeling him shaking. And, tasting that neck, I know it taste like chocolate, a strong milk chocolate, like the color those pyramids probably are in real life, close my eyes, and see it, see those stars covering that night sky, feeling myself kiss that neck, look down, and see those pyramids surrounded by that sand, feeling myself kissing that face. It's so beautiful. I feel that warm sand I'm sitting on, feel those rough hands under my shorts holding my butt, open my eyes, see that face surrounded by those stars, that auburn color in those glossed eyes, knowing for sure, like I know who I am, he got that face from an African royal family. He's so beautiful. And he's my Huey.

I move in towards those soft lips, kiss them, and tell him I love him because I think I have since we were kids and it's the truth and I don't lie. I hear him inhale, feel that air being taken out of my mouth with his inhale, hear him say, "Yes," and feel the tears coming down my face, knowing Huey, knowing he speaks in actions and only a few words because he's still learning how to ask for help. And, there's one word he uses when he wants to say, 'Me to.' He says, 'Yes.' And I feel that squishiness inside my stomach expanding into my body, knowing I've been having an orgasm for a little while now, feel those tears on my face, kiss him as hard as I can, and feel him shaking, feeling that cum on my hip, going down my thigh. So much.

I breathe, remembering how to, kiss those lips one more time, pull away a little, smelling that air he's breathing, and open my eyes. I see those auburn eyes open, see them blink, something that's not so rare for him anymore I think, hear him inhale, and he says, "Jazzy, I don't know if, how, how to, to." I smile, move in, kiss that sweet upper lip, feel him exhale, pull away from him, see him looking at me with those tired eyes, and I say, "I know you through and through Huey and one day you will know all that stuff, the if and how stuff, because at least right now, you trust me a little more, share yourself with me, initiate and plan stuff with me, like going to college together, call me your girlfriend in public, so I know one day you will know, when you trust me a little more okay, but know that I do, I know the if and how stuff, and I." I exhale, feel that happiness in my stomach, and say it, say what's in my heart, "I love you Huey Freeman."

I see him inhale, see those eyes focused on me with that look, the one he's had when I've acted weird, told him he looked like his dad, needed me to tell him he had permission to be sad, and made him a special dish, and feel him shaking at the same time. I see those eyes blink again, know he's thinking, hope he trust me, believes me that I don't lie, see him exhale, see that smile, forgetting how to breathe again, and hear him say, "Yes." I inhale, knowing if that's all I ever get, believing me and then him saying 'Yes,' then that word 'Yes' is the best word ever because he's saying he believes and loves me to, even if he's still trying to figure out the if and how stuff.

I smile and say, "Okay, now let's put you to sleep bestie because you." I exhale, feel my cheeks getting warm, see that beautiful eyebrow rise, and I say, "Let me taste you earlier today, came that time, and then it happened again right now, and I now you were already tired, so you need to rest."

I see him exhale, see him look down at my lips I think, and hear him say, "Fine, but before we go to sleep I want to feel content and do what you call 'cuddle' and when you're done at that horrible and crowded place I want to see you and I get to ask for those things today."

I smile, kiss him, and say over those lips, "Yes."

* * *

Okay. Last year I'm Christmas shopping. I laugh, put my arms around my sister, hear her laugh, and hear that sweet deep voice say, "Sissy you's can't be tired. Only been here like five hours and only took care of grandma and the guys. Shit, we still gotta least look for the girls, snooping 'round seeing if they say they like some'ng."

I laugh some more, happy, really, really happy, and know I'm not going to think about anything but my sister, mom, Leo, our friends, and my Huey. My Huey and how he said 'Yes.' He said 'Yes.' And I really don't need more than that. Because he trust me, I don't need as much as I used to when I was little, clothes, shoes, electronics, because I'm not lonely anymore, everyone knows everything, I can talk to my friends about anything, I have the best sister in the world, I have everything I need and everything I want, my mom is happy with Leo who I can see from here is making her laugh in the food court, I can feel how happy my sister is with how cuddly she is with me now, I can see our friends giggling at their bags with the presents they got their family and boyfriends, and there's no reason to ever stop laughing, because I have more than I have ever had.

I hear my sister's voice say, "Jazzy boo, mama's coming." I look up, see our mom walking to us, smile at how pretty she is, and hear Ming say, "You do see how many fucken guys be looking at your mama? Damn, least don't look when she's my man's uncle or there might be a real fight."

I start laughing, hear them laughing, hear her light footsteps in those black and white checkered vans, and hear that voice say, "Okay loves, how about I go with Ming and Lauren back to the car to drop off some of those bags, and." I look up at her, feel my smile seeing that long ponytail, and know that I want to trim it a little but it's just so pretty at that length. I see her smile at us and she says, "And you two go have a talk with that man that keeps saying if any boys that keep looking at you decide to talk to any of you they're going to have to face him first."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hear them laughing, and start giggling at how cute Leo is. Oh my god.

I feel my sister grab my hand, feel her pull me, and hear her say, "A'ight mama but be back soon cuz we still gotta go to the second floor and shit." I laugh at how much she really has cleaned up her language, but I still love everything about her.

As we walk up to him, I see that smile, that dark skin and dark eyes, and wonder if he has kids. I feel my eyebrow rise, thinking about how we really don't know very much about Leo. I smile, knowing one day we will.

We finally get to him, see him smirk at us, and he says, "Sit down you two before I have to remind some boys here that you have a father figure that will put them in their place because you two look like a ten year old version of her and they should not be looking at you like that."

I feel my mouth open, look at my sister, see her smiling at me with that blush, knowing Leo just said we both look like our mom, and smile, hoping one day I can call him pops without it being weird.

I see her look back at him, see her sit down, and I sit down next to her. I look back at Leo, see him exhale, see that nice fade, that smile, that goatee he has now, and know that a lot of women look at him but all I see is just how nice he is and how much he makes my mom smile.

Then, I hear my sister say, "A'ight pops, you can put 'em in their place and all that but we gonna throw it down with those ugly ass mama's and their ugly hoe'sh daughters that keep looking at you cuz we knows our mama can't get in trouble cuz of her being a lawyer and all that."

I see him smile, hear him start laughing, can't help it and start laughing, and hear myself say, "My sister's right Leo, they look way too much, and it's kind of gross because you're like our." I stop myself, see him exhale, and he says, "Don't worry about that girls because at the end of the day what matters is that I'm extremely fortunate to have your mother pick me."

I feel my smile, see him exhale with that big smile, and he says, "But I do have a question to ask of you two." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my sister say, "Yeah, we won't tell her you asked. Get her pajamas and she happy like a clam. She just is, just like that, just happy, and you knows, the best mama ever."

I giggle and exhale, knowing my sister's right and she'll be happy with anything. I see him smile at my sister and feel my eyebrow rise seeing some girls a few tables down, maybe in their twenties, looking over here, at Leo.

I blink, feel myself squint at them, see them roll their eyes, and see them start talking again. I hear my sister's voice say, "Wanna fuck 'em up sis?"

I exhale and say, "A little." I hear that hearty laugh again, look back at Leo, see him smile at us and he says, "Like I said girls, don't worry about any of that. When you get older you'll understand why a man, especially at my age, could never want anything but a woman, a woman like your mother."

I feel my smile and want to say 'okay pops' but I'm not sure if he'll be okay with that because I've only called him that once and it was kind of an accident. I exhale. Maybe one day I'll call him that again.

I see him exhale, see him look down at the table, and I hear him say, "The question I wanted to ask was not about a Christmas present for your mother but rather about asking you if I could continue to see her."

I feel my eyes open, see him look up, and I say, "Why?" I see him smile at me and he says, "Because although we don't necessary live in that world anymore with online dating available and those things you kids use to meet people, like Facebook or any of those other platforms, I was still raised to ask a close member of the family, whether that was a parent or relative, someone that cared for or knew that woman well, if we did get close, if I could continue seeing her from that point on."

Oh my god. That's where they all get it from. Leo. I hear my sister's voice say, "I knows you didn't raise 'em all but how you make all the guys like you, all you knows, decent and respectful and shit, wells, cuz we ain't hoes and all."

I laugh and hear him laugh. I hear him exhale, look up at him, and he says, "Well, I did try to instill some values in my nephew, who I was also fortunate enough to raise with my sister before she decided to go to Jamaica to take care of our mother, being as good hearted as she is. And so, I do hope some of those values I instilled in my nephew somehow found their way to his friends and of course I do hope that now that I am in closer proximity to his friends I continue trying to raise them in a way where they learn to respect all women, regardless of any woman's choices in life."

I exhale, wondering how much of good uncle he is, see him look down, and hear him say, "But, I do understand, especially with a woman like Sarah, not just because of her accomplishments but more specifically because of the kind of woman she is, that I must ask and will only move forward with her if the two closest people to her, her daughters, allow me to do so. And, if things do move forward I will be meeting your grandmother when she's feeling better."

I feel my mouth open, see him look up, see him inhale, and he says, "But before you consider that, I want you to know about me, who I am, and why, if I am, worthy of your mother."

I know my mouth is open but I don't know what to say and hear my sister's voice say, "So how we do this pops? You telling us 'bout your life, cuz we gots time, or you write it down for us and we can read it, like one of those essays I hate doing in school?"

I start laughing, loving her so much, and hear him say, "I think that would require a lot more time than we have today and I haven't actually sat down and written my autobiography just yet so how about we start with questions, any questions you have, and I will answer them with full disclosure, hiding nothing."

I feel my eyes open, see him, how he actually looks like he's my mom's age, a really handsome darker with darker eyes Caesar, but different, like you can tell they come from the same family, but are different from each other. And, I can see some scars on his head that I think I couldn't see before this new fade, but really I only see them because we're this close. And, he almost looks like an actor. He's actually really handsome. I wonder why he's not married. How old is he?

I exhale and say, "How old are you?" I see him smile, feel myself get happy seeing him smile, and he says, "Forty seven." Good age for my mom. I hear my sister say, "You got a middle name?" I see him smile at my sister and he says, "My full name is Leonardo Daveed Montclair."

Daveed. That sounds so pretty. I hear my sister say, "You French?" I start laughing, hear him laugh, and hear him say, "No, but I'm sure there's some French in my ancestry seeing as many did settle on the islands."

I exhale and say, "Were you born there?" I see him look at me with that smile and he says, "Yes, the entire family, which consisted of my sister, our mother, and myself migrated to the states when I was about three, have been a citizen since my mother became one, before certain laws were put in place preventing children to automatically become citizens when their parents did, and settled in Chicago where my sister and I grew up."

I feel my lips purse and say, "Was it hard there? In Chicago." I see him exhale, see him look down, and he says, "Only if you looked for it, the trouble, the people, the associations." I hear my sister say, "Were you in a gang pops?"

I feel my mouth open, look at my sister, and can't help but smile, with how cute she said it, and hear Leo laughing. I look over at him, see him shake his head, see him look up with that big smile looking at my sister, and he says, "As a teenager I did associate with some of those groups, stayed in it for far too long, long enough I found out they were never there to help me but rather keep me there, in that place."

In that place, races. I exhale and ask, "Do you think that maybe, it wasn't just that group, that gang, that was keeping you there, but other things, like." I see him smirk at me, see him nod, and he says, "Yes, there are always other forces in play, money, bad schooling, but some of my friends did make it out, some did not, and so, it's also about how much you want it, how much you fight for it, and my grades and SAT scores were high enough that I was accepted to various universities but." I see him exhale, see him smile, see him look down, and he says, "My family needed me at the time, they needed me to work. Our mother was recovering from a surgery to remove the last remnants of the cancer, my sister had to stay at home to take care of her and couldn't continue working, and my grandmother and a cousin, who had just had a child, needed financial help. More specifically, our grandmother who had helped raised us all needed her medications to live comfortably at her age, our mother's medical bills were piling up, and there was a niece in Jamaica born to an irresponsible father that would need food and clothing her mother would have trouble providing with not being able to work having to stay home to take care of her daughter, and knew those things, all of them, were more important than any of my plans. And so, I decided to not go to the university, stayed, started working, left those associations behind, the gang that knew I had done enough for them to have a say in getting out and being able to still live there, saw some of my friends get out by going to colleges, universities, knowing they could not come back because of that gang, and too many more friends that did not leave it, stayed in it for many reasons, and who are all either in prison for life or dead at this point."

I inhale, see him look up at me with a small smile, and he says, "But even for those friends that had it worse than I did growing up, going from house to house, there was always a possibility to get out of that life, even for them, by studying harder, staying in the school library doing homework, reading, until the school turned off the lights and then going home or staying with us, like my mother offered them many times, because although we didn't have much of anything, we had food and a safe place to sleep."

I feel my smile, hearing that gratitude, like I heard in my bestie when he talked about living with Grandad and Aunt Cookie when he was little. I see him exhale and he says, "So yes, it was hard, but we also add to that life by not taking the chances offered to us when they are offered because we find that that life is an easier option sometimes, or at least far more familiar."

I exhale and hear my sister say, "You got kids?" I feel my eyes open, look at my sister, see that serious look on that pretty face, and know to not interrupt her. I look back at Leo, see him smile, see him look down, and hear him say, "I had one."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my sister say, "Where they at?" I see him exhale and he says, "In Jamaica with my mother." I open my mouth to ask and he says, "Her ashes are." I hear my little sister's inhale, knowing I inhaled at the same time, see him look up at us, see that small smile again, and he says, "I'm glad you asked because it's always a topic that's hard to bring up when people start talking about kids and how it is that I don't have any. So it's always difficult to tell them I did have a child when I was younger." I hear my sister say, "I didn't mean," see Leo smile at her and he says, "I believe if she would've lived she would've had your personality, necessary for the kind of neighborhood she would've grown up in, but she was an oddity." I see him look at me and he says, "Because she had olive-tinted skin and dark gold ringlets and her eyes mingled between blue and brown."

I ask, "Was her mom mix?" I see him nod with that small smile and he says, "She was, had just moved here from Cuba and her family was mix with African and Spanish blood."

I hear my sister say, "How she, you knows." I see him look back at my sister, see him nod with that small smile, and he says, "She was six and a half months old when her mother called me to tell me she couldn't wake her." I see him inhale and he says, "By then we had been having enough problems that it was best to live separately. I would take Louise half of the week and she would take her the other half, although I remember that half of the week when she was gone feeling worried every second of the day." I see him exhale, see him look down, and he says, "I asked her if she had called the ambulance and she said she couldn't because the police could show up and would possibly search her family's house."

I feel my forehead scrunch, see him inhale, and he says, "So, I hung up, called the ambulance, and then drove to her house, knowing the police didn't show up for half an hour at best to that neighborhood and assumed the ambulance would be no better. I drove onto the sidewalk, seeing no ambulance on the way there, knocked down the front door, walked in to Louise's grandmother crying and her grandfather trying to hide the last of the merchandise they were planning on selling, walked up those stairs to their room, knocked the door down after her mother wouldn't open it, saw her, Louise's mother, that woman, trying to hide the last of what she had hidden in the bedroom she shared with our daughter, walked up to the small basket, picked up that small warm bundle, remember feeling her lighter, knowing something was missing, something that weight some, something small and bright, something that mattered, put her back in that small basket, picked it up, left that room, knowing that would be the last I would ever see of that woman, walked down the stairs, saw her grandfather pointing that shot gun at me, heard her grandmother crying, and walked out."

I see him exhale and he says, "I drove through every red light that night, knowing what was in that basket, knowing my Louise was gone, and knowing if I so happen to get in a car accident on the way to the hospital at least I would be with my daughter. But, I did get to the hospital, walked in with that basket, gave her over to that nurse, saw her open the basket, and saw that look on her face."

I inhale, feel my little sister holding my hand, see him inhale, and he says, "After that nurse came back she asked me what happened. I told her. She said I should've waited for the ambulance, as I saw the paramedics walking in through the front door of that emergency room, after I had been there for an hour, and asked that nurse if knowing in what neighborhood her mother lived, how long it took the ambulance to get there because of its reputation, how I got to her house in less than five minutes and made it to the hospital, after I drove there through every red light, every stop sign, in less than six excruciating minutes, the longest six minutes of life, if she really thought I should've waited, or if as a father I did the right thing."

I see him behind the blurriness and hear him say, "They said it was lack of oxygen." I feel that small hand holding my hand tighter and hear him say, "I stayed with that thought, that regret that I knew better, I knew what her mother's family was doing and although I could count on her grandmother taking care of her, her mother would rather spend her time counting the pounds, the money, the ammunition that was necessary to run that kind of business, than check on her daughter to make sure she was sleeping in a position she could actually breathe in."

I exhale, not seeing him anymore because of the blurriness, and hear him say, "After that, I believe she moved back to Cuba, possibly, but by then I didn't care. I was somewhat lost and could only function at work, at home, helping take care of my nephew, my mother, my sister who I could focus on because of her own problems. And I did that for years, trying to not think about that regret of what I could've done differently, knowing I could've taken her, kept her, and she would be alive, with that small soul, would be a girl that I would have to tell to not swear as much as she wants to because she would probably be just like I was as a teenager, and she would teach me what it is to be a father to a teenage girl that has boys asking her out on dates that I would never approve of but I would for her, to make her happy, and would probably force me to go to the mall with her to either embarrass me or force me to buy her things she has too much of but I would do it all because she's my daughter and deserves it all and right now, she might even be here, asking you two for advise on school and sports because she would be a little younger than you two at thirteen and perfect, because daughters are perfect, whereas sons are exceptional, daughters don't have to try, they just are."

I inhale, exhale, remember all those times I thought my grades, me not asking for stuff, me being a good girl, and just not saying anything because he was my dad, would fix it. But it's not like that. I didn't have to fix anything by getting good grades, being a good girl, because some dads think daughters are perfect. And I want a dad. I want a real dad that thinks like that, a real dad that does stuff for us, like going to eat vegetarian food because he wants to try it and brings us home records to listen to so we can learn about music we've never heard, like we do on weekdays. The stuff he does. And, I want a dad that goes with us to the mall and lets us embarrass him hugging him.

I get up, see him look up at me with those dark eyes that remind me of my mom's North Star eyes, grab the chair next to him, push it up, and sit down, squirming myself under his arm. I hear his laugh, feel him hug my shoulder, smell that Hugo Boss cologne, feeling really safe, and blink the tears away. I don't see my sister, hear a chair move, look over, and see her under his other arm, her face in his chest with those tears I can see on the side of her face. My little sister. She wants a dad to.

I close my eyes and put my face on his chest. I hear him exhale and hear him say, "My Louise is gone. It took years for me to accept that and I will never look for her in any other child, but in some way I feel like you two help in keeping her soul from leaving me completely, and if that's all I ever receive from you two, than it's more than I thought I would ever have again."

I exhale, bring my legs up into my chest, lean them on this side, getting into a ball, feeling really, really safe, and I say, "Can I call you pops and it not be weird, please?"

I hear him exhale, feel his hand holding my shoulder, and hear him say, "I was hoping it would start after that first time, like the little one that's shaking under my other arm right now." I giggle, hear that giggle from my little sister, and hear him say, "But I understand there is someone for you and I didn't want to overstep," but I cut him off with, "I'm scared of him and I don't know why."

I hear them inhale with me, not knowing why I just said that but knowing it's the truth. I hear Leo exhale and hear him say, "Jazzy, there are always reasons why we feel scared, sometimes they're so deep within us that we don't know why until it's in front of us and all we can do is understand that that fear does not own us and we need to look at it, know that, and voice it. Then, we can face it and recover from the events that led to that fear. But in the meantime," I hear him inhale, feel that kiss on my head, feel my smile, hear him kiss my sister's head, and hear him say, "Do not dwell on those things, take it five minutes at a time if you need to, every five minutes, both of you, knowing you both went through your pain, whether it's the loneliness that comes from feeling that no one loves us, like some of my friends felt when their parents were out on the street selling, buying, not caring that their son was a home with nothing to eat but a piece of bread, not because of lack of money but because those parents hadn't bothered to buy anything else, and their son was going to sleep alone, again, in a home that was big and scary, and quiet, with those thoughts of not being loved."

I hear her inhale, grab her small hand that's on top of his chest, and hear him say, "Or the feeling that we're still trying to figure where it is that fear comes from, the fear we feel at times, know it's there, and it will come up when we're ready to face it, when the fear is in front of us, and we're strong enough to face it, because we are strong enough to go through anything, especially you two, because daughters are perfect."

I hear myself say, "You're that best pops over," hug him, hearing my little sister sniffling, and hear a voice say, "I thought so."

I inhale, look over my shoulder, and see a lady I've never seen. I feel my eyebrow rise, see that she's probably older, like maybe a little older than my mom, blonde, blue eyes, a round face, pretty, with a little too much blush I think, and she's wearing a long pink dress that stops at her knees and hugs her body showing she's a little big, remembering Mrs. Winters said that's not very healthy because it can lead to a lot of problems when we get older. And, I feel my other eyebrow rise seeing how much that dress is showing in the front. It's okay, she can dress like that with heels, but maybe for a party, not at the mall. I mean Aunt Cookie's right, the floor at the mall is hard and you can only walk on it for a few hours before your feet start to hurt a little even if you're wearing converse with insoles and comfy jeans and a sweater because of the air conditioning.

I hear Leo's voice say, "Do you need help because I'm a little busy with my girls right now?" I feel my smile and blush, really liking him saying that, see her inhale with that look, almost like she's looking down at us, and she says, "They aren't yours."

I exhale and hear my sister say, "And how you know hoe? You were there in the delivery room when we came out of our mama and our pops took us to school the first day?" I start laughing, put my feet down on the floor, get comfortable under that safe arm, look at her, and say, "You probably think Jesus was white to huh?"

I see her inhale, squint her eyes at me, and she says, "He said you probably talked back now because you stopped being a good girl when he left but he doesn't know you have this attitude to."

I inhale, feel that arm on my shoulders bring me in, feeling my knees coming into my chest, and hear Leo's voice say, "I suggest you leave right now before I call the police to tell them your harassing my teenage girls."

I see her exhale and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her look at Leo, and then look him up. Really? I exhale, not remembering why I was scared, and say, "Do not look at him like that. He's our pops and we will defend him and beat you."

I see her look back at me, see her inhale, and she says, "Stop talking, you're just property, and that is not your father so stop acting like it, you belong to Tom and," and see that small, strong hand come up and backhand her.

No. I look over at my sister, see her looking down at the woman who's being way too hysterical about being backhanded crying on the floor, and I put my feet down and stand up. I see my sister move up and I step up and hug her.

I feel shaking and hear her say, "I will fuck you up! You don't talk to my sister like that! And, she belongs to me and mom and anyone she wants and not that fucker who never gonna touch her cuz I'll kill him and I'll." I put my head on her shoulder, holding her, and say, "Sissy, I'm okay, and he's never gonna touch anyone of us. And anything that lady says doesn't matter because I belong to you and mom okay."

I feel that big warm shadow, look up, see Leo standing between us and that lady, and hear someone say, "Are you okay ma'am? Did he hurt you?"

I inhale and hear my mom's voice from somewhere say, "If you are going to automatically assume my boyfriend did anything to her because she's laying there on the floor when she looks completely fine and is acting like a mad woman I want to see the evidence for your assumption."

I feel that small hand squeeze my arm, let go of my sister, and walk around Leo with her. I see Lauren and Ming with my mom and feel my little sister on my side with Leo on my other side, feeling safe. I look down, see that lady again, see her look at me, squint her eyes at me, and she says, "I could probably have him to myself by now with taking care of him and letting him have anything he wants, anything in every possible way." I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Ming's voice say, "That shit's nasty lady. We don't wanna know what you two be doing. That's just gross."

I snicker, see her stand up, and see her slap the security guard's hand away. I exhale, see her look over at my mom, see her inhale, stand up straight, pushing up her chest up, and she says, "But he won't let you go, you or her." I see her look over at me and she says, "His baby Jazmine."

I inhale and feel that warm arm around my shoulders, smelling that cologne. I see her look over at Leo and hear my mom say, "Look at him or my daughters one more time and I will file a lawsuit in the next hour that will take every penny you have in that inheritance to fight or pay off."

I see her eyes get big, wondering if he told her how good my mom is in court, and see her look over at my mom. I see her inhale, see her raise her chin, and she says, "You're not that beautiful, you really are not. I don't see what he sees in you, why he obsesses over you and your damn name." I feel my eyebrow rise, see her exhale, and she says, "Or how somehow only the daughter you had with him will have the qualities she does when I could give him a child just as beautiful and brilliant, passed you and her."

I exhale not liking her saying anything's better, passed, my mom, and hear my sister say, "Hoe you knows you just said ma mama ain't that beautiful, which means you think she at least kind of beautiful, and that you'd give that lazy pussy ass a kid that's least as brilliant and whatnot as ma sis, so you at least think ma sis brilliant, so you ain't making any sense and you all fucked in the head." I hear our friends snicker and exhale, feeling better hearing all of their voices.

I see that lady raise her chin, stick out her chest more I think, seeing those blue eyes looking at my mom, and she says, "It seems you're all not surprised to know he's here, possibly because that man he hired double crossed him but what can you expect from people like that."

I hear my mom inhale and hear her say, "Yes, we're aware he's here, we also know where you're staying, where he works, where your money is coming from, and the fact that, as highly as you speak about what you give him, you two have not had any actual contact in that regard for some time."

I see her eyes get big and feel my eyes get big. I didn't know we knew all that.

I see her getting red and hear my mom say, "And now that you know this, it's up to you if you want to tell him everything we know, but know that the tactics we used to get this information will be used every single time you move locations, so it's up to you if you want to move to a new hotel, use different rented cars, and spend even more money on that because we will keep finding out where you are, what you're doing, and how to box you."

I see her exhale, see her squint her eyes at my mom, and she says, "Even if we're not legally committed that information should stay between us and so I will ask you to stop monitoring our private moments."

Oh wow. Gross. I hear my mom exhale and hear her say, "Fine, as long as you stay in the same location, do not change the rented cars, or anything else, we will stop monitoring your room."

I didn't know we were watching their room. How? I see her exhale, see her nod, and she says, "But I cannot stop him from what he does and I won't. And really I don't care. If he watches you all twenty four hours a day I don't care as long as he comes home to me but I will be telling him you know he's here and how that dirty homeless probably double crossed him, as I would rather." I see her inhale and she says, "Avoid an argument when he finds out that today happened."

I exhale, feeling weird about this lady, see her inhale and she says, "I hope to never see you again."

I see her turn around, bump into the security guard who I think was being nosey and just standing there, hear him apologize, and watch her walk around him and towards the stairs. And, I just realized something. My mom's really pretty, like really fit and pretty, and all she does is eat good and run a little. Wow. I hope I get that from her.

I see that pretty face step in front of me, smile at her, see her eyes water, and she says, "Baby I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I feel my eyes water, step out of that safe arm, hug my mom, and say, "Mommy I promise I'm okay, I promise. I'm happy. I have you and my sister and Huey and everyone and now I even have a pop's."

I hear her laughing into my hair, feel those arms around my shoulder smelling that coconut lotion and hear her say, "I love you mommy and sissy." I inhale, know everything always works out, feel a chin over my head, a hard chest on my arm, those big arms hugging us, and hear him say, "Remember you're all strong enough for this, for anything, because Sarahs and daughters are perfect."

I laugh. Oh my god. I'm really happy God, Santa, Black Jesus, so please help me keep knowing things work out, always. Then I feel another set of arms on each one of my sides, smell that vanilla and lavender lotion and hear Ming say, "Been itching to try those new moves. Damn. Was 'bout to." I hear us all laughing and hear Lauren's voice say, "Don't worry Mimi's. As the guys say, lots of satas to try them out."

Oh my god. I start laughing harder and know, for sure, no matter what, things always work out.

* * *

That was a lot. But I know I can't focus either because I'm tired because I really didn't sleep last night. Those thoughts came back. After seeing that lady at the mall, they came back. Those dreams. That coldness. I inhale. No. Focus on something else. Okay, class. So Ms. Reed is talking about ghettos and how they can be imaginary but they can also be real.

I exhale, knowing I'm going to have to read it all over again tonight. It's okay. I can maybe look it up online. And I'll focus on that for now. Yeah. Focus Jazmine. Focus on school.

I inhale, put my pen and notebook in my backpack, and hear him say, "You a'ight?" I look up, nod, and say, "Yeah, just a little confused, but I'll be fine." I get up, but my backpack over my shoulder, turn around, and say, "I'll see you tomorrow Cairo."

I see that brown hair, feeling my smile coming back, knowing this is what I need to think about, this is what I want to think about, walk towards her, hug her from behind, tell her I'll see her tomorrow, look over, see him smile at me, and I say, "I'll see you tomorrow Johnny." I see him nod with that smile and can't help but be happy for them. Yes, focus on school and friends.

I walk around them, say bye to Ms. Reed, see her smile at me, push the door open, and start walking down the hallway.

I hear him next to me and hear him say, "What part you don't get?" I feel my smirk, knowing maybe Black Jesus really wants me to focus on school, look over at him, see him looking at me, look forward again, exhale, remembering what we learned in class, and I say, "I guess I get that she means the ghetto is real, that's easy to see because it's there with bad amenities and the government not putting money into it and I get that people in other places in the world live in really bad places, their own kind of ghettos, but what I don't understand is how does people living in the ghetto connect them to those other people that live in other places in the world in their own ghettos and how does their imagination and music and movies help?"

I exhale, seeing he's not there again, knowing I'm not as stressed because I haven't seen him since that day, but right now I can't think about him either.

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Ever listen to rap? You know, black music and shit?" I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my happiness thinking about all those times, look over at him, see him looking at me with his eyebrow raised, and I say, "Between my half-brother and my sister I've listened to a lot of rap and I've even seen some of those movies Ms. Reed was talking about, like _Boyz n the Hood_."

I see him look confused and he says, "You got a brother?" I snicker, hear him exhale, look forward, not seeing that afro at the staircase, feeling my smile go away, and I say, "Yeah. Riley."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "A'ight, wells, the teacher means that. Like, people using music, movies, to show other people, in other ghettos, how the ghetto is here. Other people in, I 'on't know, China or some shit, see _Boyz n the Hoo_d, listen to dumb shit they say in rap or reggae 'bout knowing how bad the ghetto is here, and think, imagine it and shit, they know just cuz of some dumb movie they saw how it really is here and even think it's like where they live."

I feel my eyes open, feel my small smile, look over at him, see him inhale looking at me, and I say, "That makes a lot of sense. Thanks Cairo."

I look forward, getting to the staircase, and stop. Where is he? I see him take that step back up to me, look at me, and he says, "I'ma walk you 'til we see one of your girls."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Cairo, I'm fine and," but he cuts me off exhaling and he says, "Jazmine, don't be like that a'ight. Look, some fucken psychotic shit be following your ass. Just let me walk you a'ight just 'til we see one of your girls."

I exhale and say, "Look Cairo, I haven't seen him since that day and I'm sure Huey's coming so it's." I see him inhale, feel my eyes open, knowing he's been nice lately and even helpful in class, and he says, "I know. And I ain't asking for more, just wanna walk you 'til we see one of your girls."

I inhale and say, "Or we see Huey?" I see him look away and nod. I exhale, feeling my tiredness, hoping I remember to drink some tea when I get to the nursing home because I don't want the residents to notice I'm tired, and say, "Okay and thanks Cairo." I see him look back at me, see him exhale, almost like he's relieved, but I'm sure I'm imagining it.

I walk up to the staircase, hoping I see that afro I like so much or one of my friends soon because I really want to be around people that make me laugh and happy and I feel safe with and I can put my head on their shoulder. And I kind of want to cuddle with him to.

And, going down the stairs I see that afro at the bottom floor, feel my inhale, and I feel a little less tired, just like during lunch and then right before he dropped me off at my fourth period. I see those reds look up at me, the bags under those eyes, and exhale, knowing he stayed up late last night to do research on that thing I don't want to think about even if I told him not to. I inhale, knowing I'm going to give him a massage and make sure he sleeps tonight. And, seeing him put his phone down, I wonder who he was talking to, and remember my phone was vibrating during class but I haven't checked it because I've just been really forgetful today. I hear Cairo stop talking, hear an inhale, and see those reds, that I just noticed because of the sunshine hitting them, are a little too light right now, almost like he's really, really tired to, look over at Cairo.

I take that last step down, see how tall he is, feeling my small smile become a real one, and look over at Cairo. I see him looking at me and I say, "Thank you again Cairo and thanks for explaining it to me." I see him exhale, see him nod, remember that look, and feel sad, not knowing how I won't hurt his feelings when he's this pushy and he's actually being nice.

I see him look at Huey and he says, "Fucken crazy ass white boy waits for her after class and I'ma walk her 'til I knows she's a'ight."

I inhale, confused because I haven't seen him since that day, and wonder why I'm so careless. I'm already being forgetful today and now I'm being careless to. Why? I can't be careless right now. And where is he? Where does he hide in school? And I need to take care of myself. I need to take care of them. I can't let them worry about me. I start looking around the hallway, seeing students passing us, knowing I can defend myself, I can fight, I can. I'll fight him. I feel those hands on my shoulders, look back at him, see those light burgundy eyes, too light for this time of the day, and hear him say my name. I feel my small smile, nod, and say, "I'm fine bestie. I promise." Even though I can feel myself shaking. Even though I want them to not worry about me and I need to take care of them. But too much is happening right now and I still need to be strong.

I see him inhale, see him stand up straight, see him look over at Cairo and he says, "Why the fuck you think I haven't told her? You think I like keeping shit from her and telling her only when it suits me or because I know she has some training and right now has other things she needs to focus on?"

I hear Cairo inhale, put my hand on that warm hand on my shoulder, and I say, "Bestie." I see those light burgundies look back at me, see that squinty look, know he's trying to figure something out, know something's wrong, and I say, "Let's go so you can tell me."

I look back at Cairo, see him inhale, and he says, "Jazmine, I wasn't sure but I kinda knew you going through shit and I didn't mean to," but I cut him off knowing we need to go and say, "Cairo, it's okay and please don't worry about me, I'm fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow okay. And thank you for helping with the imaginary part."

I look back at those eyes, feel my smile coming back seeing how beautiful he is, see him exhale, and I say, "Everything works out okay. Let's go so you can tell me."

I see him exhale, hoping he believes me, feel him grab my hand, and feel my eyes open and my cheeks getting warm, knowing he's doing this again, holding my hand in public. And then, I exhale, knowing this is what I'll think about for the next five minutes, him holding my hand, putting my fingers through his, and no matter what it is, whatever's happening cannot be that bad. Right Black Jesus?

* * *

I exhale, remembering the meditating I've been doing when I wake up on time, blink, see those pretty baby blue eyes, how red they look, feel my small smile, and I say, "Mama I'm fine. What do I have to do?"

I see her exhale, see Leo put his arm around her shoulders, see her give me a small pretty smile, and she says, "You don't have to do anything baby. No one does. I'll make sure he doesn't get near you two."

I exhale, feeling my sister's small hand in my right hand, and hear her sweet deep voice say, "He ain't having her. I'll kill him." I inhale, look over at her, see her looking down with those tears on her face, lean over, close my eyes, and kiss her head, feeling her squeeze my hand. I open my eyes, lean back, see that mocha colored hand on her shoulder, look up and see Riley looking at me over her head.

I exhale, feeling that tiredness in my body, and see that worried look on his face, reminding me of that one time we were walking to the locker room and I think I remember now, he also had that look when I was in the hospital that time, that time Tom came looking for me, like now. I feel my small smile, seeing how cute he still is to me, like my little half-brother, and feel that hand on my back, that strong hand that's a little warmer than normal right now and I know he's trying to keep cool, covering my upper back, like he's trying to protect it.

I inhale, know I'm stronger than this, I have to be, even if I'm tired, I have to be strong, because they are all strong. I exhale, look back at those pretty baby blue eyes, and I say, "No. I'm not letting my little sister get in trouble doing anything to him and I'm not letting you get in trouble doing anything bad mom. And even though I know it's not always good and puts a lot of innocent people in jail, I want to trust the law, trust that things will be okay, that whatever the judge says we need to do will be okay and nothing bad will happen."

And then I feel that warm hand on my back getting hot, too hot, hear him inhale, and hear him say, "She can be in Chicago by tomorrow morning and Louisiana the next day and stay there until she turns eighteen. There's a flight leaving in five hours." I feel my eyes open, look over at him, see those eyes looking at the table with that look, that look I don't like seeing on him, because I think it breaks my heart now, now that I know so much more about him, and hear Riley say, "You'll should go so you ain't separated from family."

I inhale, look over at Riley, feel that small hand hold me tighter, almost a little painful, and see him looking down at my sister with that sad look. I open my mouth to tell them to think about this and hear my little sister's voice say, "I ain't letting you go alone. I'ma go with you tonight."

I feel that hand leave my back, look over at him, see him walking to the door, and hear him say, "Good, I'll get the second ticket."

I feel eyes open, forgetting that I'm tired because it doesn't matter, and say, "Huey no, I'm not, I'm not just leaving, I'm not," see him stop, holding the doorknob, see him exhale, see him look back at me with that squinty look, that stiff chin, and he says, "Jazmine, if you make me, I will drag you to the airport, kicking and screaming, but you will get on that damn plane. Do you understand that?"

I feel my eyes squint, knowing he's being stubborn like he has been since we left school and he's scared. He's scared. He's scared. I exhale and say, quietly, "Huey, I'm not leaving, not after how hard my mom and sister worked at making our life like this, not just because he wants to get half custody, I'm," and hear that voice cut me off with, "I think it's a good idea."

I feel my eyes open as big as they ever have, forgetting what I was going to say right now, look back at my mom, see her exhale, looking at the table, with that long pretty messy hair, and hear her say, "I can fight it here and tell Judge Banks you're both studying in another state right now to expand your high school extracurricular activities for college purposes and I can't possibly bring you back and disrupt your studies. And I'm sure no matter how much money that woman has they won't be able to fight me forever claiming he has some right simply because he's your father and wants to be part of your life, turning himself in to show good faith saying he wasn't emotionally well when he sent that letter to the judge, knowing no one, not one person, even the current judge, believes that but the process is giving him this option, this option that shouldn't be available to him, where he could get to you. And I have friends, enough friends, acquaintances. I'll call Joe and ask him if he'll help because he shouldn't have this option to get to you. I'll do anything. I don't care, I'll," I see her inhale, see her shoulders shaking, seeing my eyes get blurry, and hear her say, "I'll do anything and I won't let him touch you, I won't." I hear her inhale, hear her crying, and hear her say, "I don't want him to have you alone, that lunatic, not after knowing what he is, I should've protected you, I'll protect you now, I'll, I'll."

I can't see her anymore because of the blurriness but I can her hear. The crying that's hurting me because it's my mom. And all I can do is close my eyes. So I close them, hearing her crying, not wanting this, not wanting to make her cry like that anymore. Not wanting to make her cry ever. I don't want that. I don't. Breathe, breathe Jazmine, the sand, the pyramids, my happy place, the place I go to when I meditate. The night sky with those stars, that soap, that hand on my shoulder, and that voice saying he's here and he's not going anywhere and he'll be in Louisiana in one month.

I inhale, open my eyes, not seeing anything because of the blurriness, feel that hand on my shoulder, look over at him, feeling my little sister squeezing my hand, hearing Leo's warm voice telling my mom to calm down, and see those burgundy eyes looking at me, knowing he just said that.

I exhale, blink, feeling the tears going down my face, see him, that face I know by heart, feel my small smile, and say, "But if you go to you'll leave Grandad and Riley and the guys alone and I'm not leaving." I see him exhale with those cute pursed lips, feeling my smile. And, he said the women in my family are strong. I exhale, knowing for sure they are, look over at my mom, see her nodding with Leo saying something to her in her ear, and hear her say, "That could work, that could work. Oh god, why didn't I think of that? That could work."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her look up at Leo, and see her kiss him, feeling my smile. I see her look back at me and I inhale seeing her face. She's always loved me so much. I see her smile and she says, "We can tell Judge Banks that because of the first case where he threatened the judge we want a psychological evaluation before he's allowed to go any further with this case. That's standard practice if it's called for and of course that might show he's unstable enough to not be allowed near you and to have any right to you but."

I see her stop, see her look down, and hear Leo say, "That's all I could find with such short notice, I didn't look into the process though, what would be the problem?"

I feel my smile hearing him, knowing he cares about us to. I feel that hand on my shoulder go down to my back, feeling it at that normal temperature, hear him sit down, and I exhale, feeling my happiness coming back, thinking he's okay.

I see my mom look up, see her pursed lips, those tears on her cheeks, and she says, "The problem is he's being civil now. Even with the first case pending, he turned himself in, of course being released immediately through his office, but the fact that he did turn himself in with a pending case shows the judge he is willing to cooperate, which is one of the reasons they have to work with him. And in order to meet that requirement, ordering a psychological evaluation, if there is cooperation by that party there would have to be some event, not just a pending case, but a recent situation that would require a need for an evaluation, to assess their instability, to fit the criteria. That's also why Lieutenant Saunders couldn't take action, had to watch him at a distance, waiting for an occurrence, an event to show instability or at least the need for police interference, hopefully through some illegal action on his part, and, in that, ask him for his identification and arrest him for having a warrant, but wasn't able to catch him doing anything."

I hear Riley say, "He won't do shit out there, you'll knows he won't even speed. He only thinks he got balls when it 'bout females, damn pussy."

I feel that hand on my back and exhale, knowing only some men are like that.

I hear my mom say, "That's very true." I feel my smile and start giggling, hearing my little sister giggling with me, feeling that energy coming back through my little sister's hand I think, and knowing mom and Riley can always make us laugh, no matter what's happening.

I see my mom look at us with that pretty smile and hear my sister say, "How 'bout Riles and I find his ass and beat him so hard we leave him looking like the crazy pussy he is?"

I look over at my sister and say, "Sissy, I don't want you near him." I see her look at me with those pursed lips and she says, "We gotta fuck him up sis or just make him look crazy, you knows, make some'ng happen, some event and then we knows he won't pass that test after and then he gotta leave our little family the fuck alone."

I exhale and say, "Maybe if I just asked him the questions I've been thinking about and just let him answer them I could show the judge he is really crazy."

I hear them all say, 'No!,' feel my eyes open, and look around at them. I hear them all start telling me how unstable he is, how small I am and shouldn't be around him, all those books and plant food and I don't see anything, how much I'm there only sister and they'll kill him, and how they'll drag me onto that plane tonight. I look down at the table, feeling that energy from them, that love, and feel my small smile, knowing they all care about me so much. I'm so lucky. And since they all care about me so much, maybe I can just say it and see what they think.

I exhale and say, quietly, "I wasn't serious when I said it but." I hear them all stop, I exhale, and say, "But I think, for him to do all that stuff, turn himself in yesterday, probably right after that lady told him about what happened at the mall, even though he knew that other case is still pending, and today asking the judge to get half custody of me, not asking for full custody anymore, and even saying he wants to see me, getting all of this done so fast just because his job said they need him and their asking that everything is done faster than normal, all of this stuff he's doing just kind of shows he's, you know, trying to just get anything, so." I exhale and say, "All of it just feels like he's being careless, not thinking things through, just trying to get anything right now. Maybe he's just so lost right now, knowing we know he's here and we don't wanna see him, that even if I do meet him anywhere, somewhere where it's safe, where maybe you all are there, close by, I don't know, maybe I can take Huey's sword with me, that." I feel that squeeze on my back, feel my smile, and say, "That I can just talk to him and record whatever he says so that we can show the judge that he's not okay, maybe that can be the event to make the judge want to give him that test, and then we can also show the judge that we're trying to cooperate by letting him see me and talk to me. And if I do meet him and he does try to." I exhale, remember who I am, and say, "Do anything, you'll," I hear her inhale, look up at those baby blue eyes, seeing them water, feeling that small hand I'm holding hold me so tight I can feel how scared she is, and that hand on my back getting still and cold, really cold, knowing I have to make sure they're all okay, I have to take care of them, and I say, "You'll be right there, close by, so I can call and you can come, but even with that, I kind of would want to do it where even he feels scared of doing anything bad, but I don't know where that would be, like if there's a place he would be scared of doing anything bad because he could get in trouble and still feel okay enough to talk to me, hopefully enough that he forgets where he is and just talks."

I exhale seeing those watery baby blue eyes, smile at her, and look down at the table, knowing if I see her cry again, I'll cry to. And, seeing that table, that table where we all eat sometimes, rubbing that small hand I'm holding, feeling that hand protecting my back, I put my other hand on his knee, wanting to draw those spider webs on that strong knee. But, feeling that hand on my back start moving up and down, her small hand rubbing my hand, feeling my small smile, thinking about what I just said, that kind of place where he's scared to do anything bad but he would still feel okay enough to talk to me, that place doesn't exist, and I start feeling a little hopeless. And, not wanting to tell them, not wanting to make them cry or feel scared anymore, even if I'm scared and don't really know why yet, I start thinking maybe I should start praying again, maybe tonight. I exhale. God, Santa, and Black Jesus, if you're listening, because I know you are, please help. Please.

I hear an exhale and hear Riley's voice say, "He still gotta be scared of the pen cuz you'll know he only been in jail for some hours but the police the only one that can put him there."

I inhale, look over at him, feel my smile get a little bigger seeing him looking at my sister's head, knowing people don't know how super smart he really is, and hear that monotone voice say a little quieter than I'm used to, "Sarah, about that Lieutenant."

I exhale, look down at the table again, that warm brown table that we got after he moved out, where we all eat and laugh and my bestie puts that warm hand on my leg sometimes, that table where my mom, my sister, and me are going to keep eating together for as long as we want, feel my smile, my real smile, can't help the tears, the happy tears, and hear my mom's warm voice, "Yes Huey, that could work."

I exhale, knowing there's a plan, a real plan, and we're going to be keep eating together at this table, this warm brown table. Thank you Black Jesus and whoever else is listening. Then, I feel that pinch on my back, inhale, and hear him say, "You're taking my katana."

Oh god, what did I agree to again?

* * *

Breathe, breathe, the wind, the smell of buttery wood, the feel of that warm sand I'm sitting on, the cool night air, the quietness of being here, knowing if I open my eyes I'll see the stars, the pyramids. I open my eyes, feel my smile, seeing those stars, those pyramids, look down, see those long legs sticking out on each one of my sides, and I giggle. I inhale, smelling it, being here in my happy place, feel that strong chin on my shoulder, and hear my phone vibrate.

I open my eyes, look down at my phone, see the text, and nod. I can do this. I can create the event, show the judge. I have to.

I hear the door open, see Lieutenant Saunders walk in, and feel my smile. He was always nice those times he came to the house for barbecues when I was little. I see him nod at me, nod back, see him open the door behind him, and I inhale.

I feel my eyes water. I can't do this. I can't. Why am I here? Breathe. The pyramids. The pyramids.

I see those eyes look at me, hear something, turn to the Lieutenant, and hear him ask me if I'm okay. I smile, nod, and say, "Yes sir," trying to not lie but knowing I need to believe it first.

I hear him say, "Okay Jazmine. You remember what we talked about?" I nod, trying to remember, see him smile, and he says, "Okay, if not, just know you're safe." I inhale, nod, trying to believe him, but not knowing if I do. Why am I here? Why am I doing this? Where's my family and my best friend? Why am I thinking about his sword?

I see Lieutenant Saunders look back out the door and I hear him say, "You may come in Mr. Dubois. Please remember the time you have been allotted."

You're strong Jazmine. You are. That's why you're here. And you can go through anything. I exhale, turn back to the door, see him looking at the Lieutenant, see him smile at him, and hear that voice say, "Of course Lieutenant I'm just happy to spend time with my baby." I inhale, feeling that coldness in my chest, the one from the last few weeks that I get whenever I think about those dreams, about him. It's so cold. What was I just thinking?

And, seeing it in slow motion, I see him step into the room. I inhale, feel the coldness in my chest expand, seeing him under the light, see him turn to me, feel that coldness get to my feet, and see him take another step closer to me. Why am I this cold? So cold. And why I am remembering waking up to those eyes right now? Those eyes. But trying to remember when I would wake up to them, I know one thing for sure, that coldness, I know that coldness in my chest is not coldness, it's fear. I thought it was coldness, but really it's fear. But why so much of it? So much fear. I can hear the Lieutenant talking about how the recording in this room works to give families privacy. But why so much fear? Why am I this scared? Why? And when did I wake up to him looking at me like that? When I was little? When I was older? When? When? I can hear him saying something about the sound in this room but I can't hear what he's saying. Why am I this scared? And why is something telling me it doesn't matter why I'm this scared and I just need to get away from him? I need to get away. I need to get up. Right now. Get up Jazmine. Walk out. Leave. Go to Chicago, Louisiana, anywhere, Ohio, just go. Get up. Get up.

I hear a door close somewhere and want to scream for whoever just closed it to not go, to come back and get me. Those eyes. Waking up to them. Get up. Get up. Get out. Get out Jazmine! Why can't I move!

I see him smile at me, see him take those steps towards me, around the table, hear him call me that again, his 'baby Jazmine', and remember a warm voice telling me to take it five minutes or maybe five seconds at a time, not remembering anything else the warm voice said, but knowing right now I have to take it five seconds at a time, and feel the coldness, the fear, leave my legs, my strong legs.

I feel the back of my chair hit the wall and feel my inhale.

I see him stop and feel my fists up and ready with my right arm in that thirty degree angle and my left arm covering my stomach, shaking, feeling the chair under me, a chair I can throw. I can also throw the table. I'm aware of how strong I am, aware my whole body's stronger, aware I'm stronger, because I'm the most aware girl he knows, I'm her Jazzy boo, her oldest baby, his 'big ass forehead' Jazzy, his cutie pie, perfect because I'm someone's daughter, and feel the shaking going away. I exhale. Focus Jazmine. Focus on your strengths, not the coldness, not the fear.

I inhale and say, "Don't call me that." I see him inhale, see that smile go away, and see him squint his eyes at me, his daughter. No. I'm my mom's daughter, my mom, who he treated like that, who he made cry, knowing I won't ever know how much she cried, how bad the bruises, the pain, really was because she probably hid a lot of that from me because she loves me, and feel the anger, the real anger inside of me, that anger that's bigger than any coldness and any fear, and say, "I stopped being that a long time ago."

I see him take another step, remember my mom, and I say, "Stop." I see him inhale and he says, "I'm allowed one hug."

I exhale, feeling the shaking going away, and say, "No." I see him exhale, see him stand up straight, raise his chin, remember he is tall, but not as tall as any of the guys or Leo, and I've trained with the guys. I exhale, see him inhale, and he says, "What happened to my baby?"

I inhale, remember my strengths, all that training, the guys talking about 'bluffing' when they weren't sure they could win a fight, how that's what my mom did on Sunday telling that lady we knew so much and it worked. I exhale, put my ankle over my knee, keeping my fists on my knees, just in case, and hear myself say the truth with, "Her dad was abusive, her mom kicked him out, and now she wants nothing to do with him."

I see his eyes get big, see him take another step, and I say, "Stop!" I see him stop, see him inhale, remember where my friends are, my family, and exhale, knowing I'm fine, because they're right here, with me.

I see him exhale, see him inhale, and he says, "I want my baby and my wife back and I'll have them. Now be a good girl and give me a hug."

I exhale and say, "Before you touch me I'll throw this chair at you and keep hitting you with it until you're unconscious."

I see him exhale, see him squint his eyes at me, see him smile, and he says, "Why don't we talk?" I inhale, think he might really be crazy, crack my wrists, and now if the judge gives him anything I'm leaving for Louisiana.

I see him turn, grab a chair, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him put it in front of me, too close to me, where he can touch me, and I get up, backing up into the corner, the corner I could use to jump from. I see him inhale looking at me.

I exhale and say, "If you wanna talk, you sit across the table, if not, I leave and you will never see me again because I'll leave the country." We'll all go to Africa.

I see his eyebrows lower and he says, "You think I'll let you leave Jazmine?"

I exhale and say, "You have no say in me or my mom or my family's happiness and you don't get to decide that stuff."

I see him exhale, remember I'm a fighter, lift my chin, see him smile, knowing he is crazy, he has to be, and he says, "Okay Jazmine. I'll sit over there and let's talk."

I exhale, remembering it's only half an hour, only half an hour. I think it's been five minutes. And, I can end it early. I can.

I see him turn, walk back to the other side of the room, and see him sit down. I inhale, walk back to the chair I was sitting in, not turning away from him as I'm walking, see him exhale, mad I think, and I sit down, not moving the chair away from the wall.

I see him smile again, hoping I didn't get that craziness from him because at least biologically we are related, and he says, "Why don't you tell me what you've been doing this last year that I know has been horrible for all of us?"

I inhale, knowing he's hiding the way he really is, and say the truth with, "It's been the best year so far of my life where I've seen everyone I love be the happiest they've been in a long time and." I see him exhale, seeing the niceness going away, and I say, "Why do wanna know how my life has been when all I am is a slut that gets caught messing around in school and blames it on others?"

I see his eyebrows lower, see I'm already starting to get to him, remembering I need to get to him. And, I want to end this so I can leave and hug them. But how? What did we talk about? Those questions. Those questions we talked about last night. I can do this. I can get to him.

I see him open his mouth and I say, "Why did you go to New York?" I see his eyes get big, see him inhale, see him exhale, see his eyebrows lower, and he says, "How much do you and your mother know?"

I exhale and say, "So much we're sure you won't win." I see him exhale, see him smirk, making me feel nervous, and he says, "How about we all go there when we're living together again, next week?"

I swallow, remember the guys talking, how bluffing works, smirk back, and say, "Will we stay with Frances or somewhere else?"

I see him exhale, see him look to the side, and he says, "That woman doesn't matter. She's nothing. Only you and your mother matter. Don't ask about her."

I exhale and say, "But she wants to give you a baby Tom so she's important." I see him look back at me with big eyes, see him inhale, and he says, "Do not call me that, I am your father, and I only want you. Do you understand that young lady or do I need to remind you who I am and how I own you and your mother?"

I inhale, not liking him talking about my mom like that, like she's nothing, and say, "You don't own my mom, you never did, and you will never own me, Tom."

I see him inhale, see him exhale, see him smirk in a such a creepy way, feeling myself shaking, seeing those eyes, that I feel that coldness in my chest again. Your strengths Jazmine. Remember them. Bluff! Anything! Say anything! Those fights they had!

I smile and say, "But why do you wanna own us when we're just like them, like all of them, those people that don't pay you enough?"

I see him inhale, remember how much he hurt my mom, and know he's wrong, he's wrong about everything. And I'm going to get to him. That's why I'm here, to get to him, so I'm going to do it.

I see him smile, feeling that nervousness, and he says, "And how the hell would you know about any of that Jazmine, my sweet Jazmine, if you look just as white as she does, just with some." I see him stop, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him swallow, and he says, "Additions."

I inhale, feeling like throwing up for some reason, exhale, feeling that anger coming back at what he just said, and say, "Do you know what it was like for me? Going to school and being told I didn't look white enough? That I would never be white enough because I didn't look like the other girls? That I look like all those animals? Those stupid names and coming home to ask my dad if he could talk to me about that stuff he knew about, about my black culture because he was completely black and." And I feel my eyes open, hearing his fist hit the table, and hear my cell phone move.

I exhale, feeling that nervousness going away, knowing I am getting to him, see him no longer smiling, just staring at me with lowered eyebrows, and he says, "You don't know anything Jazmine. You don't know what it's like to be part of that world where you are always passed on for assignment on cases, prestigious cases, because you're black, only because you're black, with some bullshit excuse that you get to work late and don't show up to court dates, knowing who those cases will be assigned to, where the pay will be going, just because they are white. That is how that world works. And the hell do they know, any of them, about showing up to work on time, when you know they get there in one of their more acceptable cars, knowing they leave the imported ones at home, in their mansion that's five times bigger than my house, where they left their wife who will be out there being the trophy whore she is, tempting other men, showing them what they can't have, at those volunteer services and their children's school promoting their successful white husband, making them look even richer and…"

I exhale, hearing him talk, knowing he is crazy, really crazy, and my mom's always been right. My mom who's really strong. I exhale and I say, "You don't know anything and you're just so selfish."

I see him inhale, feel my exhale, and I say, "And really I didn't know how much you didn't know or how selfish you really were until right now." I exhale, see him lower his chin looking at me and I say, "You wanna blame other people because of how your life is, fine, but don't blame them when you show up to work late and then don't go to court dates when even I know how important that is because clients think you're gonna be there to defend them. And then thinking you know everything about people, just because they're white. I have white friends that don't have a lot of money, don't live in mansions, just normal houses, and have just enough, like us. And we only have enough because my mom is a woman that works really hard at her job and doesn't talk about how much she's paid, just works because I'm sure she thinks she gets paid enough because she can take care of us with that money. She doesn't talk about how she's a minority in that business, is talked down to, and told she's probably not even that experienced and a bunch of other things. And she doesn't come home after all that stuff mad at us because she doesn't get paid a lot, just happy because she can pay for our stuff, our clothes, can take care of us, and just keeps working really hard and not blaming other people just because they don't pay her enough or treat her like that. She just works harder and isn't selfish, wanting stuff other people have and then blaming others when she doesn't get that stuff, like you."

I see him exhale and he says, "Jazmine," but I cut him off because I'm not done and say, "And why do you keep blaming everything on the same thing when I know, I know black men that don't let that get to them, they don't, they don't let discrimination stop them from working hard, taking care of their families, being good to them, starting businesses to be successful, and being great dads and." And I inhale, hearing the hit on the table, harder this time. I exhale, see him look up at me with that look, and know I have gotten to him because I'm a strong girl. I inhale. That's why I'm here meeting with him after we talked about it last night, to show the judge we want to cooperate to and let him meet with me. But more important than that, I'm here to get to him, to create an event, a reason for that test. I need to show that he's crazy and he needs that test. I need to push him. Push him. Push him with the truth!

I inhale and say, "And I know black men that are proud, so proud to be who they are because they are black, determined, good men that are willing to save innocent people, save a girl whose dad was supposed to save her from child labor and he did it instead, a man that's willing to protect his friends, a man that's going to change the world with his brother, and I'm going help because he's my best friend, and he's proud of who he is because he's black, and the best person in." And hear that yell, "Jazmine!"

I inhale, remembering that voice, that yell, those nights, that voice, and exhale. Focus Jazmine. My family. My phone.

I look back down at the table, see my phone, can't see the time but know that's enough. That has to be enough. Right? He yelled and he's angry. And I don't want to be here. That yell. Her crying. Those sounds from their bedroom. I don't want to be here. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to be here.

I stand up, knowing I need to go, I need to get out of here, and hear that yell, "Jazmine sit down now!" I inhale and feel the tears in my eyes. What was I just thinking? Where's my mom?

I feel the seat under me. When did I sit down? I feel my inhale and the tears on my cheeks. When did I start crying? Why am I crying? How long have I been here?

I exhale. The pyramids, that sand, that sand that smells like oil from Morocco. Huey. That voice saying something about never turning my back on enemies. I can't see. I wipe the tears away, see him again, see him smiling, feeling that coldness in my body, all of my body, and he says, "Let's not talk about that anymore baby," and I inhale and say, "Don't please."

I wanted that to sound stronger but I feel really small right now.

I exhale and see him squint at me. I swallow and I say, "Don't call me that or." I exhale, remember I prayed this morning for the first time in a long time, knowing I'm stronger than this, stronger than he thinks, I know that, I have to be, and say clearer and stronger, "I will walk out of this room and I promise, I promise on whatever God you think exists Tom, even though Black Jesus is the only real one, you will never see me again, never."

I see him exhale with that smile and he says, "Jazmine, you, both of you are never going to leave me."

I inhale, remember she's my mom, my sister's mom, how strong they are, remember I belong to them, and I say, "We already did."

I see him stand up, hearing the chair fall back, feel my inhale, and he says, "But don't you miss us being a family Jazmine? Spending time together?"

I exhale, feeling confused, not knowing what we're talking about now, what he's saying, knowing we were just talking about how not proud he is, how he blames other people, and right now I think he's asking me if I miss us being in a family, spending time together. I feel lost. So lost. I exhale. Take it five seconds at a time and things will always work out. I swallow and I say, "No Tom I don't miss being in a family or spending time with you."

I see him exhale, see him smirk, seeing my eyes water again, and he says, "But you do miss it Jazmine, you miss our family because I took care of you and your mother and you miss how I took care of you, because you knew no one would ever live with you two but me and I would be the only man that would sleep there and that you would ever call father and she would ever call husband. That is how it has been this entire time and it will stay that way. Because I will always take care of you, making sure you're safe, day and night, knowing boys, men, look at you and her, and I will never let them touch you."

_No boys will ever touch you my baby Jazmine._

I inhale, blink, wanting to get swallowed up by anything, the earth, the sky, outer space, anything to not be here, remembering it, remembering what he's talking about, why I'm scared of him, why I've been scared of him since I was ten, and hear myself say, "Is that why you tried going into my room at night? To check if there were boys in there when I was wasn't even a teenager? Why, at ten, I had to learn to put that chair under the doorknob when I would hear it turn? Why I remember now, right now, sometimes when mom wasn't home, I would wake up from my nap and you were there, in my bed, hugging me, sometimes with your shirt off or in just your underwear, hearing you say no boys would ever touch me? Did you do that, say those things, because you were taking care of me Tom? Because you were making sure boys, men, wouldn't try touching me, in my own room, in my own bed?"

I blink, not feeling anything now, not cold, nothing, see him exhale, see him smile, and he says, "You're my Jazmine, she's my Sarah, and I need to keep you safe, always, by being in that house, and yes, checking your bed every night, and later, it will be easier for all of us when I have you both, in my bed, making sure you're always safe, because if I don't do that, you'll become a gold-digger of a slut fucking any white man, in any way he wants it, for money. And in two years and two months, when you become an adult and you're still clean, my pure Jazmine, because I took care of you, made sure no boys were ever in your bed, and waited until you were an adult to be the only man you and your mother would ever need, because I made sure to keep you pure until you were at that age when the law can't stop me from making sure you're safe in my bed, safe from those white predators that want you, the savage nigger that lives on that street, then we'll really be happy, I'll stop drinking because I won't worry knowing I'm the only man you and her will ever be with, and the law can't stop that because you'll be a consenting adult, so next week we'll be moving to Utah and…"

I blink, knowing he is crazy and I want to scream and go deep into the earth, where it's warm and where no one will ever find me, knowing if the judge gives him anything, I am leaving to Chicago and then Louisiana with my little sister, and my friends and family can visit, and I'll make Huey stay here so he can take care of Grandad and Riley and him and Riley can visit us or we'll meet them in Chicago and spend our vacations there, where we can keep visiting DuSable and any other places he wants to go to, where I can keep sleeping in that living room with my hand in his hair. That warm brain. My afro. My bestie.

I hear him talking, saying things I don't want to hear, feeling that nothingness in my whole body, and a numbness in my chest. And, I can also feel my heart trying to beat, how small it feels, trying to beat in the middle of that big numbness, maybe trying to make it go away, my small heart that's trying to beat right now, my heart that told him I loved him, and hear myself say, "My Huey." I hear him stop, see him inhale, see his eyes get big, and he says, "Jazmine, you will never be with anyone or that damn ni…"

I blink, hearing him say those things, feeling my small heart beating with all the big numbness around it, the strong beat, how strong it is because it loves people, how much stronger than him, and my heart doesn't care what he says, if he gets angrier, and if he stays angry forever, it just cares about loving people and he's not part of that group. And I want to hug those people and I'm done.

I exhale and say, "Thank you for telling me all of that stuff Tom." I see him stop, see him exhale, see his eyebrows lower, see him open his mouth, and I cut him off with, "Thank you for telling me that because before today, I knew I was a virgin because I've always known, but I wasn't sure until right now about the other stuff because of those dreams. Now I know with how crazy you really are, you never touched me, because you wanted to keep me pure. Because I'm your baby Jazmine and I'm supposed to stay pure until I'm an adult and then stay in your bed so you can keep taking care of me, be the only one that ever takes care of me, right?"

I see him inhale, see him look down at my sweater I think, looking angry and maybe frustrated, feeling like I want to die knowing he's looking at my sweater, knowing he's looking at any part of me, and remember those five seconds at a time and that Hugo Boss cologne.

I inhale, blink, feel the tears going down my face, feeling that slow beat of my heart, that strong beat that loves people, remembering someone I'm starting to love because of how safe I feel under his arm saying I'm perfect because I'm someone's daughter, and I say, "I want to tell you everything you are, how really, really, really, dumb you are Tom." I see him look up at my face, see him inhale, and I say, "But my mom is trying to raise me and my sister to not be rude to anyone, even when they can't take no for an answer or are just crazy so." I exhale, stand up, inhale, feeling my eyes get big, not knowing how I stood up, when the nothingness, that numb feeling, left my legs, my body, but maybe it left because I just talked about my mom, how she's trying to raise us, how perfect I am because that safe arm thinks daughters are perfect, and my Huey, my Huey, and my heart that loves them all and loves so many more people, and maybe because I'm stronger than I think and I can go through anything. I can go through anything.

I inhale, feel my legs start walking towards the table, see him look down at my body, close my mouth to stop myself from throwing up, remember the smell of that cologne real dads use, exhale, get to the table, and grab my phone, putting my thumb on it to open it, and pressing send right away.

I look back at him, put my phone in my pocket, and say, "I'll just tell you one last thing Tom." I see him look back up at my face, I inhale, feeling my strength coming back, that strength that comes from all the women in my family, my friends, and an afro I'm going to see soon, and say, "Even if the judge gives you half custody, which I know is not gonna happen because my mom is who she is, I'll be long gone in another country before you get close to me."

I see him shaking, see him exhale, and he says, "Jazmine, stop being such a bad," I exhale and I say, "A bad girl, a slut, a gold-digger? What Tom? Because I'm all those things or I'm gonna be those things even though I've only had one boyfriend, the one that's been my best friend since I was ten, who I know doesn't care about money, is the best guy in the world, and if I can get into all the colleges he gets into I know we'll stay together for a long, long time and keep planning stuff with our friends and family and as long as I can have all of that, you can call me anything you want because I won't hear it."

I see him inhale and he says, "I said no one's having you Jazmine because you're mine, you will always be mine, and I'm taking you home." I feel my eyes get big seeing it in slow motion, seeing him start walking around the table. Your strengths Jazmine. Remember your strengths! Move! I look down, grab the chair, and hear the doorknob being turned. I feel my exhale, feel the tears going down my face, drop the chair, run around the other side of the table, and out of the corner of my eye see him turn, and know he's going to get to the door before me. No. Please. Please don't let him touch me. Please, please, please. Black Jesus, please.

I hear the yelling behind the door about the code, see him pass the door, take that step up and stretch his hand out to grab me, to touch me, feeling that dumb fear in my chest, that dumb, stupid fear that I'm stronger than, and pray that god I know loves me is watching when I see that hand coming towards my face, push my stomach out, feel that bend in my lower back, see the ceiling, those bright lights, that hand moving over my face, see the backwall, bring my hands up, stretch them out, touch the floor with my palms facing me, kick off the floor with my strong right foot, feel my strong thighs come up, bend my knees, feel both bent legs over me, hearing him step back and inhale, knowing he doesn't know how strong and flexible I am after all that training, bring my legs down into my stomach, feel my shoes touch the floor, and hear him yell for me stay still. I kick off with my foot, feel my hands crawling on the floor, inhale, feel my feet moving, the air in my face, run, run, so far, so far, those wide burgundy eyes with that look on his face, that door wide open, knowing I'm going to kiss him so much if Black Jesus lets me, feel like screaming of happiness passing that arm into the brightness, and feel a strong arm go down my back, shutting something out. I feel my eyes squint with the brightness, see her, and run into that chest, putting my face in it. I feel the dizziness, hear the shouting, feel my lungs hurting, everything hurting, my heart hurting, and feel my lungs cry like they've never cried before.

I feel those arms I've known my whole life hug me so tight I can't breathe, wanting her to hug me harder, hearing her call me her baby, and telling me how much she loves me, and hear myself tell her I never want to see him or that room again, never, and I know I'm strong but I want to go home. I feel those arms pulling me away, feel my legs moving with her, letting my heart cry into my mommy's chest, and pray for tea and kisses.

* * *

I feel my head lean back, feel that hand in my hair, knowing it's just a matter of time before I kill him, but right now that small hand in my hair is making me feel too relaxed, again. Damn it.

I exhale and hear that voice say, "Bestie, you okay?"

I exhale longer, hear that giggle, and feel myself relax onto the side of her mother's bed. She doesn't seem worried now. Good. I'll still kill him.

I feel the bed move and hear that voice say, "Pops do you have any more of this kind of music?" I feel my eyebrow rise, hear Leo laugh, and hear him say, "John Coltrane is a kind of music I suppose. What I can do is bring more of his later music but I'm surprised this is the first time you've heard this."

I exhale, continue reading, and hear that voice say, "I think I did hear this song once because I remember I really liked it. Bestie, does Grandad have this record?" I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "He does but with how disorganized he is it could take several weeks to find it."

I hear them laugh, hearing that laugh, her laugh, and feel my exhale, knowing she doesn't sound nearly as she did yesterday when she couldn't fucken talk for an entire half day. I'm going to kill him. I just need her to stop drawing on me so I can leave her house. Damn it. And I have to actually willingly want to leave it. Fuck. When did it become this difficult to not want to make sure she's fine, to protect her and anyone she cares about to make sure she doesn't feel an ounce of the fucken tidal wave of pain she felt yesterday? And more importantly, why didn't I break that steel door down? And most important, why did they stop me from killing him?

I hear that voice whisper in my ear, "Calm down bestie. I'm okay today. I promise." I inhale, knowing we're around people, but even then, I just want to keep her in here, safe, and not do anything, just make sure she's statistically, empirically, factually, safe.

I exhale and hear that voice say, "I think I'll make more tea for everyone." I feel that hand going down my head, grab it, and say, "Jazmine," and hear my brother say, "Nah Jazzy, C-Murph and me make some more. You'll stay."

I exhale, hear her thank him, let go of that small hand, and feel that hand start with those shapes, a heart first. I exhale, look back down at the book where I left off, and continue reading about family law, something I never considered as my specialty, the complications that come with situations like the one we're dealing with, and just how children, including teenagers, are considered tools, property to be taken back and forth from owner to owner, hardly considering their mental stability unless of course the teenager does something, like tries to hurt themselves or others, and then the process is about who is to blame, rather than how a stable home where one parent visits instead of having the teenager going back and forth like a piece of clothing is best for them. And then of course there's the fucken despicable imbeciles like the one that I'm going to kill, the reason she wouldn't, possibly couldn't, talk all of yesterday after we got home, just came into her mother's room, laid down, and went to sleep with her mother and sister, not waking up until today, while my brother, myself and Leo made sure that fucken imbecile that's going to die didn't somehow show up here, that fucken disgusting piece of. Damn. I feel that hand on my neck, those soft fingers massaging those stiff muscles, and hear that voice say, "Relax bestie. Everything's okay. Please." I exhale, that optimism, so unrealistic, feel myself do as she asked, hear her thank me, and continue reading, seeing how much our legal system cares about nothing that doesn't have a price on it and only when the price is high enough. Fuck. And that hand is making me not care about what I'm reading as long she's safe. Shit.

I feel the movement of the bed, hear their footsteps, and hear a phone ring, hearing everyone stop. I exhale, hear the needle being removed from the record, hear Sarah answer the call, and hear her say, "Yes Judge Banks. Can I put you on speaker so my daughters and their," hear her stop, and she says, "Thank you Judge Banks for that trust. I'll put you on speaker now."

I inhale, close my book, focus on that empty square shape on the wall, that square shape I want to punch until I feel the stucco crack like his jaw, and hear a voice say, "I wanted to call because I feel personally responsible about this Sarah and just how long it took." I hear Sarah say, "Judge Banks please don't, I know you did all you could, and anything you can do now will be very much appreciated by our family."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Always so good hearted. Well I'll start with the difficult information and tell you that," I hear him stop, hear him inhale, and he says, "Jazmine are you there?" I feel her stop moving those soft fingers and hear that voice say, "Yes sir, I'm here." I hear him exhale and he says, "I want to tell you that recording was only listened to by myself, Lieutenant Saunders, and a court appointed psychologist, and no one else."

I hear that exhale, feel that hand come down to my right shoulder, feel her kneading it, feeling my eyelids close, and shake my head. Damn it focus Huey. I hear that voice say, "Thank you very much sir. I really, really don't want anyone knowing. It's just so." I hear her stop, feel the bed moving, grab that hand on my shoulder, bring it back to my neck, knowing she needs to focus, and feel those soft fingers moving over those muscles, feeling my exhale.

I hear Sarah say, "Thank you Judge Banks, we don't want this being known outside of our family and close friends not only because of the sensitive subject matter but because both my daughters are still in high school and shouldn't have to deal with the immaturity of kids there knowing about this, which I know will only lead to my daughters defending themselves and me being there to defend them."

I hear an exhale and hear him say, "What I would expect from any parent. So yes, I made sure only those that necessarily had to hear it listened to that recording, and both of course signed a confidentiality agreement that could only be overturned by a subpoena but I hardly doubt that was necessary as I have worked with that psychologist for several years and have full confidence in her never discussing a case unless required to by my court and I believe Lieutenant Saunders would first break several laws before discussing any of this matter with anyone."

I feel that exhale in those soft fingers and hear him say, "And so per the psychologist's recommendations, after confirming what I already knew to be true, that the video recordings from the families and mediation room at the precinct and the voice recording you provided matched, her recommendations, which I will unquestionably adhere to, are that there is no need for a formal psychological evaluation to determine the existence of danger to a minor and the other party in this case should not have a claim to such a minor, including any of your other children Sarah. Based on that recommendation and my own personal belief of the danger that party poses to your family, I have also recommended his removal from this county. And so, as of this afternoon, Lieutenant Saunders informed the other party that as soon as he's released from the hospital, which I believe will be by tomorrow morning, he is to leave this county within twenty four hours and will not be able to come back until the day after your youngest child's eighteenth birthday, and if you do see him before that day in this county you are to contact the police so he can be arrested. I apologize I could not request for removal from the state due to his profession but."

I exhale, closing my eyes, feeling them jumping on the bed behind me, hearing them thank him, shaking my head, and feeling that warmth knowing at least by the standards of our corrupted legal infrastructure, that psychotic piece of shit won't legally have access to her or worse, have her alone, while she's a minor and by the time he can enter the county she'll be leaving to some college he won't know about. I feel my exhale longer, much longer. She's safe. But I can still kill him.

I feel that kiss on my neck, feeling that warmth on my face, my smirk, and know I'm still not leaving her alone until I know for a fact she's safe.

I hear him laugh and hear that voice over the 'thank you's' say, "Can I ask a question Judge Banks?" I hear him say, "Of course Jazmine." I hear her inhale and hear her say, "Thank you again but is anyone else in trouble?"

I exhale through my nose, hear them laugh, and hear him say, "About that." I feel my eyebrow rise, put my head back on the bed, feeling that hand move up into my hair, feeling those drawings on the top of my head, and close my eyes, not caring and trying to figure out how I can get to that hospital tonight to confirm when he'll be released and if he has been released, get to the hotel and make him leave, all without leaving her alone or making that blonde afro aware that I did anything. Shit.

I hear him say, "Yes, about that. Well, you see, the video recordings are clear and precise during the first twenty minutes of that scheduled meeting but thereafter all recordings seem to be unclear and of course there were so many officers in the room within a matter of seconds that it's extremely difficult, the Lieutenant said if even possible, to really determine that happenings and whether the other party has evidence to press charges on the two young men that were at the precinct with you that day."

I hear Sarah's voice say, "If he continues to press charges, those two young men will have legal representation he will be scared to meet in court." I hear their laugh and that giggle, feel my smirk, remembering that story about her walking back to those gates, how little fear our mother showed, as long as she was defending what she thought to be self-evident to her.

I hear him say, "Don't worry about that Sarah. He has no evidence to bring forth, unless he request the full video recordings from the precinct for that day, which he can, but that will require time, will have to be sent to him wherever he chooses to stay outside of this county, and I'm sure once he comes to his senses and remembers your reputation in court, he will stop pursuing those charges."

I hear Cindy say, "Damn straight." I hear them laugh, exhale, remembering how we do not get to choose our younger siblings, and hear him say, "Yes, and although the recordings also can't determine where it came from, I believe that chair that connected to his stomach thrown from somewhere behind the eleven officers and those two young men was a very good throw and he will also not be able to press charges against wherever it came from."

I exhale, hearing them laugh, and shake my head, feeling those fingers drawing those webs, knowing after seeing that chair hit his lower abdomen she has always been a female version of my younger brother. And, my brother is better today because of her, regardless of his idiotic choices in the past. I feel those fingers on my forehead, feel them pulling on my skin, feel my face relaxing, and I let her.

I hear Leo say, "That's my girl," and hear their laugh, feeling myself relaxing into a place I haven't been to for several weeks.

I hear Sarah say, "Thank you so much Judge Banks. You don't know how grateful I really am. Thank you." I hear an inhale, feel the bed moving, and hear him say, "Well, there is more Sarah, as in the fact that although the process has begun I will be going through the formalities with the stenographer and the court appointed psychologist in my chambers tomorrow. If you'd like you can," and hear Sarah cut him off with, "Yes, yes, I would like to be there. Please."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I thought so. Of course. You know the process. After tomorrow, once everything is finalized, at least based on my court's proceedings, he will be forced to leave and he can fight it wherever he decides to go but will find it difficult, if not a losing battle, when he remembers we do communicate from court to court and take highly into consideration the final say from current judges, especially when there will be notes, detailed notes, about his instability, the numerous child protection laws he broke, and the world-wide accepted laws he would break as well if he were to get near your child. There will be notes, evidence, and anything else the psychologist and myself can add to the chart to make all courts aware of how dangerous he is to your family."

I hear her exhale, hear her sniffling, and hear her say, "Thank you Judge Banks. Thank you so much."

I hear him say, "I'll let you go so you can finally all rest but I want to apologize before I do." I feel the bed stop moving, hear him exhale, and hear Sarah's broken voice say, "Judge Banks there's nothing for you to apologize, you did," but he cuts her off with, "Sarah, there is."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Your family, your children, have had to suffer in silence, waiting for an entire day and a half after you had to watch your child, her sister had to watch her older sister, walk into a room where you knew she would be meeting a person that could possibly hurt her, who was unstable, and needs more than medical help. You had to wait an entire day and a half to know if the information you provided would be sufficient for my court to find that that person should not have her alone, in his home, and you didn't know what the outcome would be for too long. And so." I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I am deeply sorry for the wait and suffering and deeply grateful you were not another one of those cases I had to sit through."

I feel that hand moving over my forehead, knowing I should tell her to stop because I'm too relaxed, but I want her to continue, and I get to ask for things today.

I hear Sarah's voice say, "Judge Banks?" I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Too many of those cases Sarah. Too many I've had to sit through. Family members, close friends, acquaintances, people a child trusted, a child that had no say and no fault in those peoples' deranged ideas, and had to suffer unspeakable things, things I would have to turn to the church to accept as realities of this world. But."

I feel that thumb over my forehead moving from one end of my forehead to the other in those slow motions she makes holding her pencil when she's reading and thinking those Jazmine thoughts like she was earlier today when she was reading that book I want to know more about, that history people do not like facing, like many things the masses of this world do not want to face, afraid it will break their illusion of safety, sending the sanctuary of their ignorance crashing down around them, things the girl that's making my forehead feel like those waves is not afraid to face.

I hear him say, "But in those moments of acceptance, those moments when I knew I could only do so much, instruct the jury, establish rules and procedures, determine verdicts when necessary, and primarily, put forth the punishment, hoping for rehabilitation, in many cases I understood the only real act I could accomplish was simply giving that victim, that child, the idea that they were safe because that person would be far away, locked away, somewhere away from them, and in that, showing that child that someone, something, cared for them enough to put that evil person away. And."

I feel those soft fingers massaging my right earlobe, not remembering a better feeling in the world than this, where she's safe and she has her hand there, doing that, and hear him say, "And in those cases, the ones where that deranged person spoke openly in court about their actions, why they did them, why thankfully some didn't go further than they did, the common answer, the reason behind why they stopped themselves from going further was always, always, the fear of knowing there was someone that would notice, someone that was close and loved that child enough to know if that child was acting strange, quiet, or different, a person that would ask that child if anything was wrong, a person that child trusted and would tell what was being done to them, usually, that person, who I deemed to be the child's guardian angel, regardless of how I understand the realities of this world, was the child's mother."

I hear an inhale, feel her stop the movement of those soft fingers, feel the bed moving, and hear Sarah's broken voice say, "Thank you Judge Banks." I hear the sniffling and hear Sarah say, "Thank you for everything. Thank you so, so much."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Thank you Sarah and I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good night."

I hear the phone call end, feel her shaking holding my earlobe, grab that hand, and hear her sister say, "We love you mama's."

I feel her exhale, feeling the shaking stop, let go of that small hand and hear Sarah's voice say, "I love you to babies. And since I apparently have to be in Judge Banks's chambers early in the morning, I think we should all go to sleep soon."

I exhale, open my eyes, move up, feeling that hand leaving my earlobe, even though I don't want it to, and hear that voice say, "Mama?"

I hear her exhale and hear that whiny voice say, "Can I stay home from school tomorrow, just one more day, please?"

I exhale and hear Sarah's voice say, "Of course baby. You can stay home as long as you want. Both of you can. I know it was hard for both of you, watching it happen, and having to be there. And I'm sorry babies and yes you can stay home as long as you want."

I hear that voice say, "I just wanna stay home for another day, just don't wanna be at school with that drama, that stuff at school, yet, but I do wanna see my friends soon. They know everything and they know we're okay but I know we miss seeing them at school. So maybe just tomorrow."

I hear her sister say, "Yeah mama, just tomorrow or 'til ma sis feels okay and I ain't leaving her."

I hear my brother say, "You'll think we leaving you here alone. Shit, you'll do know you ain't gonna be alone 'til we knows shits taken care of."

I exhale, knowing he's being smart about his words, and hear Sarah say, "Well then, because I know Huey's also not going to school." I hear that giggle, close my eyes, put my head back on that bed, feeling my smirk with that warm thumb going over my forehead, and hear Sarah continue, "Why don't I call Ming's and Lauren's parents and see if it's okay if you all miss school tomorrow and go somewhere, not stay in this house, but actually go somewhere fun?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing a day with her and them would only come second to being with just her but far better than being in school with those idiots, and hear Leo say, "I think that's a great idea and I'm sure my boys would be completely up for it."

I hear them laugh and feel my smirk, thinking about where we could go tomorrow, in the middle of the week, in winter, where I wouldn't have to deal with morons, and exhale, knowing. I'll have to make a few phone calls, one particular phone call I do not want to make, but the results could outweigh the necessary dealings with that person.

I feel the bed move and hear Sarah say, "Okay, let me call them before it gets any later and you my one and only should let your boys know."

I exhale and feel those soft fingers get to my right earlobe again, trying to remember if it felt this good a few minutes ago, thinking about how I'm not looking forward to sleeping in the same arrangement as last night but it's only proper for us to sleep in the living room. I inhale, knowing how I was raised, for better or for worse, and hear Sarah say, "Oh and boys, seeing as you are sleeping over again, unless my daughters want to sleep as we all did last night, and if it's what you all want, you should all sleep in their assigned rooms as it's only appropriate since you're already doing that on Saturday nights across the street."

I hear three voices along with my own say, 'Yes', all at the same time, feel my smirk turning into that thing she likes, hear them laugh, focusing on the one laugh, those soft fingers massaging my earlobe, and know after making that phone call tonight, I will be looking forward to going to sleep.

* * *

I hear that voice say, "You're really not leaving right bestie?" I exhale through my nose, hear that giggle, and hear her say, "Okay. That answer's good enough for now. And I know you're really tired so I know when you go to sleep you won't be waking up to go, you know, do stuff." I exhale, put my face in that hair, inhale those particles that belong to me, and I say, "I'm not tired Jazmine, I'm fine, you're the one that's," but stop, feeling that hand on my neck, and hear her whisper, "Bestie, I can feel it. I don't know how, but I can feel how tired you are. So, just rest okay, please. And I know if you went anywhere tonight." I feel that upper back move with her inhale and hear her say, "You would be okay but." I feel her exhale and hear her say, "I don't want you to be around bad people, sick people, so," but I cut her off, knowing she's too optimistic about this damn world and all of its insignificant fucken despicable people, and say, "Jazmine stop it. Stop believing they're even sick. They're not. A sickness can be cured from, can be remedied. That, what that is, what that piece of fucken trash is cannot be remedied, he needs to be locked away in a corner where I can find him and." I feel her moving away, hold that waist, and say, "Jazmine, you need to stop believing that or you'll get hurt. Do you understand that? And I may not always be there to protect you and what then? What then? What will happen to them, me, what? To everyone that cares about you, that loves you, damn it Jazmine. Do you even think," and stop, feeling the shaking. Fuck. Why did I say those things? She doesn't need that right now.

I move away from that hair, those particles, let go of that waist and feel that hand grab mine. I exhale and say, "Jazmine, I'm too angry at all of it, all of it, and I'm lashing out at you, I'll go," and stop, feeling her let go of my hand, and feeling her turn. I see that thick hair turning away from me, see those freckles I wanted to count in the morning, those eyes, and see they're dry, feeling my exhale.

I see that smile in the moonlight and she says, "You just said you were one of the people that cares about me and loves me."

I see that hand come back, feel it, that warm palm, warm like her, touch my face, and put my hand back on that waist. I exhale and say, "I did say that."

I see that tint I like, feel my smirk, exhale, knowing she's right, and say, "And, although I don't have the same amount of energy as I would normally have, the only reason I'm not leaving is because you asked me to stay, and as corrupt as I know our legal system is I want to trust what that judge said will happen will be done within the set amount of time, but if he's not gone, where I have proof that he's checked into another hotel outside of this county by Friday night, which gives him twenty four hours from tomorrow morning to check out of this hotel, drive in any direction he wants, into the damn ocean if he wants to, and check into another hotel that night, which I will find out through monitoring both their credit cards, I will go down to that hotel, drag him out, put him on the next damn train going to," and stop, tasting those lips.

I feel that hand go back down to my neck and bring her in, feeling that waist, feeling my hand cover it. Fuck. I pull away, see those eyes with that intensity. Shit. I close my eyes, knowing this is not what she needs right now.

I feel her move in, feel that hair under my chin, exhale, and hear that voice say, "Thank you for saying you're one of the people that cares about me and loves me and staying tonight and thank you for trusting Judge Banks because I know it's hard for you to trust things will be okay and having hope in this world, so thank for trusting it a little and having a little hope in it."

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale through my nose, and say, "Jazmine I didn't say anything about," but she cuts me off with, "Hope. I know bestie. But I know you and you don't trust people and you don't trust that things will be okay. And you trusting that the law is gonna do what Judge Banks said it's gonna do is you trusting a little bit, hoping things will be okay, and you can't trust things, people, I know I can't, without thinking those people, those things, are gonna do what they say, if you don't have a little hope that they're gonna do those things. So, you have a little hope today because you're not leaving tonight, you're staying here, because I know you wanna make sure I'm okay even if you haven't said it, even though I really am okay, and I really want you to stay to make sure you rest, and you're doing all of that, staying, letting me take care of you, and letting the law take care of things, even though you could leave right now and I couldn't stop you, because you trust me and maybe some more people and some more things today because you have a little more hope, so thank you for trusting and having that little bit more hope that things will be okay."

I exhale, put my hand on that lower back, and hear myself say the truth with, "Fine." I hear that giggle, feel my smirk, feel my exhale longer, and say, "Are you really." I inhale and say, "Okay?"

I feel that face move on my chest and hear that voice say, "Not really. He." I inhale and hear that voice say, "He was my dad, my real dad, and he." I hear her stop, feel those breasts move over my chest, and hear her say, "He thought about me like that and I just." I hear her stop and I wait.

After some time I hear that voice say, "What's in Utah?" I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, remembering that recording, the kit I'll have to bring over to fix that wall in their garage before we leave tomorrow, that wall that witnessed my anger along with my brother right before I had to explain to him what's in Utah, and say, "Some industry in mining, manufacturing and petroleum production, but more importantly to the reason you're asking, it also has the largest Mormon population in the country, which, although it's against the law, are known to practice polygamy."

I feel her inhale, hold her, feel her shaking, and say, "Jazmine are you," and she cuts me off with, "Yes. I'm okay bestie. Just, it's just a lot."

I nod, trying to relax, if only to bring my temperature down to not worry her, wanting to leave more than before to kill him, and put my chin over that head again, feeling my exhale, knowing I would have killed him if tried taking her there. I hear that voice say, "I can't believe people," hear her exhale, and hear that voice say, "Do that. I mean it's just gross, kind of like what's going on in school."

I feel my smirk, feeling my temperature coming down, feel that pride, knowing it's pride, and say, "You know most kids our age wouldn't know what that word means."

I feel that kiss on my chest, feel my exhale, knowing now that I'm relaxing I want more but she doesn't need that right now, and hear that voice say, "Did you hear the whole recording?"

I exhale, giving her my answer, feeling that smooth lower back, and hear that voice say, "I meant everything."

I inhale, feel my smirk, feeling that pride again, and I say, "Including the part about Black Jesus being the only real one?"

I hear that laugh, that laugh, open my eyes, and see her dark room, this room where I knew, should've trusted my own logic on what I knew of her then, even back then, that she was my future, that day she gave me permission to kiss her all I want because we were more than best friends now. That laugh.

And she said I could kiss her all I want. So, I pull away, go down to those eyes with that shine, and kiss those lips. Shit. Shit. Huey. What is wrong with you!

I pull away and say, "Jazmine, I should sleep downstairs," and she cuts me off with, "Huey, listen." I stop, hearing that voice, adding that to the list of the many things she's able to make me do now. Damn it to hell and how she does that and wonder if she's always been able to do that and I didn't notice until now because even I can be dense at times and not see things that are right in front of me.

I see those eyes blink and hear that voice say, "My Huey." I inhale and hear her say, "Don't treat me like that. Don't treat me like I'm a doll that's gonna break. Yes, I'm not totally okay and I know it's gonna take time but I know I'm gonna be okay because I have lots of people that I love and love me. Lots of people that hug me and give me tea and kisses, like my mom and sister, and let me cry," I inhale, hear her stop, see her put that warm palm on my face again, focus on that small nose, and hear that voice continue, "And I did enough of that yesterday while they hugged me, let me tell them everything, and talked to me about what they thought, how crazy he is, how they love me, and how it's not my fault, and how," I grab that small chin and say, "Jazmine, how is that in anyway your damn fault?"

I hear her exhale and want to take it back, knowing it came it out rough, like I am. I see those eyes blink, see that small smile, feel my exhale, and hear her say, "I thought it was because he made me think that me looking like I do, having things I've never been completely comfortable with, looking like my black side, he just, just, made me not like them for a little bit and." I hear her stop, remember that damn recording, and I say, "Jazmine, those qualities." I feel her shiver and say, "Are yours." I smell that breath, focus on that nose with those freckles, and say, "And I won't repeat any of it but that psychotic worthless piece of shit talked about events that happened years ago, many years ago, when you were a child, long before you started developing which you only really started two years ago, after our eight grade summer vacation, and so none of those qualities have any bearing on the delusional fucken ideas he has and those are your qualities that come from whichever side you want them to come from and yours to feel as you please and," and taste those lips. I inhale, close my eyes, trying to regain that self-control, trying, and feel her pull away.

I exhale, open my eyes, see those eyes, see that tint, and she says, "How long have you noticed my." I see that smile and she says, "Development?"

Shit. I close my eyes and hear her say, "Because I've been checking you out since last year."

I open my eyes, see that tint, look down at those full lips, see her get closer, and feel those breasts press themselves on my chest. I swallow and she says, "My Huey, just like I told my mom and sister yesterday, he did make me not like them for a little bit, just for a second, when he started talking about that stuff, the stuff from when I was little, made me feel gross, so gross I had to feel numb to not scream at him, let him get to me, let those things get to me. But after remembering everyone that I love, everyone I had just seen that day, all the good people in my life, I remembered my strengths, how strong I really am, not just because of all the training, but more because of all the people I get to love. So."

I see her lick those lips, wonder why I waited so long, and she says, "Because I know he's crazy I'm not gonna believe anything he said and remind myself whenever I do have those bad thoughts that those hugs and kisses and tea my sister and mom gave me yesterday make me feel the opposite of gross, make me feel perfect, that my sister said if we ever see him we'll call the police and then the dog catcher because that's all he's worth, and." I feel my smirk, see that smile, and she says, "And that I have my mom's hips, my grandma's hair and eyes, and freckles from my other family, and I love all those things because they make me Jazzy and I like when you call me that, but I need you to remember that I'm strong, that I'm exactly what I need to be to meet my own goals and you trust me a little bit more today, and I trust you completely and you're not gonna treat me like a doll that can break, because you know I'm strong because I'm your best friend and only a strong person can be your best friend. And I want to kiss you now because we haven't kissed in a day and a half and that's too long to not kiss my best friend."

I grab that smooth shoulder, push it down on the bed, cover that body, and taste those lips. Fuck. I feel those hands in my hair, hear her say my name, know it has been too long, knowing I get to taste those lips at least once a day and it's been a day and a half. I start moving down to that small chin, that long neck, feeling her shiver, not caring as long as I can taste that skin that belongs to her, and say, "I don't think best friends do this kind of thing Jazzy."

I feel those legs come around my hips, groan into that neck, and hear that voice say, "I know. You're also my boyfriend and I want to do this."

Fuck. Those legs I saw in the air when I pushed that officer out of the way and opened that door, those strong thick legs that are holding me too tight to move. And how did she get that small hand between us? Shit. I feel that hand encircle my head, bite that neck, hear her say my name, and hear that voice say, "I know we're in my house, next to my mom's room, so maybe come up here to kiss me so," and cover that mouth, not letting her finish.

I feel that hand moving down, moving up, and feel myself shaking, tasting those sweet lips, not knowing how they taste like that, and starting to understand it doesn't matter as long as she lets me kiss them. I hear her say my name again, cover that mouth, and remember she's not a doll, she's strong, I need to treat her as she is, put my arm under that long neck, bringing that face, those lips, up, not letting her breathe, and grab that waist, wanting to hold it as long as she'll let me. I hear her say something about making me happy, cover that mouth again, pressing myself onto that stomach, feeling that other hand massaging my balls, knowing my eyeballs are already in the back of my head. Fuck. And I hear myself tell her the truth, I hope I make her happy, because if there's any reason for that insignificant amount of hope, if that's what it is, it's directed to her, and feel that release, saying that name into that mouth.

I breathe however much air I can, hear that voice under me thank me, remember where my hand is, and drag it down under those tight shorts she's wearing, under those soft underwear, over that warm mound, feeling her jerk. Fuck she's wet. I feel myself twitch on that soft stomach and slide my finger down those slick folds, knowing it's tight, thinking about how good those folds feel around my finger, knowing I already finished and they still feel that good. I feel her squirming under me, covering that mouth, hearing her moan into my mouth, knowing this is the best feeling in the world, everything comes second to it, having finished already on that soft stomach, those long arms around my shoulders, knowing it's her, everything that feels right with her, those warm fluids on my finger already going down my hand, where she wants to go, possibly not knowing I was listening to every word she said right before she said it, said she loved me, the shaking I can feel in those strong legs on my sides, and knowing that is what she is, if being in love is real, she is exactly that warmth. I pull away from that lips, look down at that darkest green I like, really like, and hear myself say the truth with, "You make me hope," grab that mound, see her head go back into the bed, bringing that neck up to me, go down to it, kissing anything she'll let me, say, "So if anyone can make me believe in falling in love, it'll be that Jazmine head, but first I want you to cum on my hand," and slide my finger between those warm folds, knowing I'm hard again.

I hear that voice say, "Yes," bite down on that neck, hearing her curse, and feel those fluids, come down like water, feeling myself twitch on that stomach.

I exhale, kiss that neck, hoping I didn't leave marks, but hoping I left several, feel something warm coming down my arm, and groan, inhaling the particles in that hair around that neck, feeling that warm hand encircle my head.

I inhale and say, "Jazmine, you don't have to," and hear that voice cut me off with, "I want to taste you Huey and you're letting me have all of you."

Fuck.

* * *

I hear that voice say, "Just know, you never have to say it, because you show me with your actions how you feel, but know I feel like that about you, and I hope I can keep making you feel a little more hope tomorrow. Goodnight warm brain." I feel my smirk, put my face further into that hair, and say, "That unrealistic optimism. " I hear that giggle, bring her further into my body, and hear that voice say, "You like my unrealistic optimism because it makes me Jazzy and I like your hope. Now sleep and I'm making you sleep in tomorrow." I exhale, remembering the alarm system, the numerous people in this house, and the fact they'll be here tomorrow, nod, letting her, and say, "Goodnight Jazzy."

Then, I hear her say, "You're almost done with those. I'll make you two more." I smell them and wonder where's the soreness based on that fight and sleeping on the living room floor, but we had our date at DuSable already. I feel my eyebrow rise, being confused, open my eyes, see the brightness of the room, remember smelling those particles exactly two seconds ago, and still, knowing that means I was that tired that it hardly felt like I slept, I feel like going for a run.

I hear them laughing downstairs, wonder how her bed feels softer than my own, and remember she's a girl and they tend to have too many covers on their bed. But, hearing them laugh downstairs, how soft these numerous, too many, covers feel, I consider five more minutes of sleeping in.

Then I remember where we're going. Damn. Maybe Sunday we'll have another one of those days she's childishly titled 'Huey and Jazzy slash non-friend Sunday' and I've immaturely titled 'Content days'. I exhale, grab my phone, see the time, and exhale. I put my phone back down, crack my neck, feeling my smirk, feeling no soreness and have the frivolous thought to climb up the side of her house after my solo training on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I shake my head. I might want more now, I know that, and know if I asked, she could be willing to let me sleep over twice a week but for now what I get is fine and respectful, enough that Sarah trust me, and no matter how much of a teenager others think I am, I was raised a certain way. I exhale, lay back down, feel the place to my left where she slept last night still has the warmth of those hips, remember everything I said last night, and feel a purpose today that involves her again and that I do not have to open a book for or research or investigate in order to accomplish. It also doesn't involve visiting people that are dead. My people. The ones that know her today, even though I still do not believe in souls, but I believe they know her now.

And, as I hear that laughing downstairs, remembering that phone call I made last night, feeling my exhale through my nose, and hearing that laugh, it's possible, spending this much time with her, having gone through this much with her already, remembering some of those emails I need to get back to, I know I do want more, something bigger, more change in this world, and only that Jazmine head could make me hope for more. I inhale. Hope. First, I need to make sure that fucken imbecile is out of this county, at the minimum, preferably out of the state. I hear those light footsteps, hear the doorknob being turned slowly, look over, and see that face with the smile and that head in those two small braids. I exhale, see that tint over that small nose, and she says, "Morning bestie. I made some of your favorite pancakes."

I exhale, sit up, knowing I should get up, and see her walk in, feeling my mouth open. I know exactly what's under that purple turtleneck sweater, those white jeans, and small purple socks, and still, she looks. I hear that giggle, look up, see that tint covering all of her freckles, and she says, "You said to dress warm and you kind of left a few marks on me so."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look down that body, from that turtleneck to those socks, trying to remember when she became what she is now, and hear that voice say, "Bestie, don't look at me like that, our friends are downstairs, and we kind of can't do anything." I look back up at that flushed face, see her looking away, feel my smirk, exhale, knowing she's right, and say, "I don't think there's much left after how much you took last night anyways." I see those full lips become that small 'o', see that tint possibly get redder, feeling that pride knowing she's mine, gives me contentment, makes me happy, gets that flushed only for me, and feel that chauvinistic pride knowing no matter what she's seen anywhere, I've impressed her. I see that flushed face look back at me, those eyes focused on her target, feel myself swallow, and she says, "Says the one that made me orgasm by just asking me."

I know my face is red, possibly so much anyone could see it, which doesn't make a difference to me, but what does make a difference is seeing those hips swaying, feeling my mouth open, knowing I'm possibly drooling at what she just said, how she's taking those small steps towards me, and not giving a damn about how much of a fool I look.

I see that ass sit down on the edge of the bed, see that face come closer, see that color, the one I don't have to dream about now but do anyways, see those lips move, and hear that voice say, "Tell me the truth Huey, my Huey, who belongs to me, do you think you'll always get hard when I sway my hips like that?"

I feel myself nod, see that smile, feel myself twitch, and say the selfish truth, "You should know when you ask, I will always be honest in my answers, in my actions, remain accountable to them, even if I'm still trying to personally not feel connected to those that don't live like that." I see her inhale, look up at those eyes, see that worried look, and I say, "And in that, in exchange for whatever it is you're willing to give me I will always give you the truth. And." I put my hand on that hip, bring her in, hearing her inhale, see that darker jade, and I say, "Even if I never think I deserve you," I see that mouth open and say, "I'm not done Jazmine," see that mouth close, I exhale, and say, "Even if I never think I deserve you, I'm not letting you go unless you want to leave and." I see that smile, feel my smirk, and say, "And lying is for the weak and you're none of those things they ever called you or what that fucken lunatic said two days ago. And about what you said." I see that hand come up, feel that warm palm on my face, feeling myself relax, remembering everything she said about me, how she spoke of me not having to, and say, "You should also know, you are also my first girlfriend and I have no shame in that because I was never a normal kid, a normal teenager, I'm not a normal guy, and I highly doubt I'm going to be a normal man." I see her move up, see her lick those lips I'm close enough to kiss, inhale the smell of that tea, feeling those soft fingers on my face, and I say, "And I don't know what changes I will help bring about, if any, but there will be changes and that Jazmine head will help me make those changes, along with possibly my idiot brother, because you have always been my best friend, regardless of my idiotic reasoning for not acknowledging it, and as long as you want it we will keep planning things together, no one will call you those names that you are not or try to take advantage of that Jazmine head, knowing there will still be idiots out there that will try to because you are beautiful, will more than likely remain so, which logically leads back to the point of this conversation and that is whether or not I will always get hard seeing you sway those hips that belong to you, like your hair, your eyes, and everything else, and the answer is, based on science and that insignificant amount of hope I feel now, the answer will always be yes."

I feel those lips press down, close my eyes, tasting those lips, that tongue, hear her say she loves me, inhale, and say, 'Yes.' I feel something being removed, possibly one of the thirty covers on her bed, not caring where we are or what day it is as long as it's her, and hear, "Hu! We gonna be late man! Got half an hour to get moving!"

I exhale, feel those lips move away, open my eyes, see that darker jade, and she whispers, "You're still sleeping over tonight and I want more of you Huey."

I feel my smirk, that warmth, and say, "Fine."

I see her move away, exhale, see those hips get up, see her walk to the door, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her close the door.

I see her turn and I say, "Jazmine, what are you," and feel my mouth open seeing her pull that tight sweater over her head, see that soft smooth stomach, those freckles on those full breasts, knowing how that skin feels, covered by that purple bra that doesn't have enough intricate holes and is keeping me from seeing what I want to see, and those markings of burst blood vessels on that long neck, what idiot teenagers call hickies, reminding me of that chauvinistic pride. I didn't leave enough. I hear something light fall on the floor, see her sway those hips towards me, feeling myself twitch, see her get to the bed, and see her kneel in front of me. I feel her remove the covers, know it's happening, feel her release me from my shorts and underwear, feeling the coolness of the room, knowing I should stop her because there are people somewhere nearby, see that hand come up over those breasts, follow that hand, see her lick that palm, and feel myself groan, closing my eyes and laying back down, feeling that hand going up my base.

Shit. Fuck. I can't remember if it feels better at night or in the morning and don't give two shits right now, feeling that hand going up and down, and hear myself curse, feeling that tongue go around my head. Damn. I know there's a reason she was dressed, a reason we're not in that institution right now, a reason there's people somewhere nearby, but right now, feeling that tongue going from one side of my penis to the other, feeling my eyeballs going into the back of my head, hearing her say my name and how much she wants all of me, I can't remember why any of those other things matter. Then, I feel that tongue go up between my balls, possibly hear myself say I'm coming, feel that tongue leave my balls, wanting her to go back to them, feel those soft lips cover my head with that tongue going around it, and hear myself say it again, not caring how many times I've ever said it, feeling that release, knowing I do not believe in god, but I believe, because I trust her, that I'm a good person and this world has some hope.

I exhale, breathing whatever air is in this room, feel that tongue lick my head, feel myself jerk, and say, "Jazzy." I hear that giggle, feeling myself relax to it, and hear that voice say, "Sorry, you taste really good."

Damn. I inhale, remember where we are, that I'm sleeping over tonight to make sure she's safe for some reason or another, and say, "Fine, but I get to have what you're willing to give me tonight."

I hear her swallow, feeling my smirk turn into that thing she likes, and hear her say, "Yes."

* * *

I hear that music, exhale, knowing at least it's not that pagan holiday music, and hear him say, "She really alright man?" I exhale, seeing her laugh and telling them about how she learned to make those moves, and say, "No."

I hear them exhale and I say, "But she will be. In the meantime, she doesn't want to be treated like she's not."

I hear my brother say, "Cuz she strong. Jazzy always been." I exhale, feel my eyebrow rise, and say, "Riley."

I look at him, see him look at me, and he says, "Nah Huey I ain't know that shit happening, so don't even fucken ask."

I exhale, see him inhale, see him look over at them, and he says, "Your ass think just cuz I heard some things I knew that shit fucken happening? You think if I knew I wouldn't have busted in and fucken killed him?"

I exhale, nod, look back at them, and see her smiling at them. She seems happy dancing to music I'm not completely against, music she asked him to play for me. I swallow and say, "If it's anyone's fault it's mine."

I hear them all say, "Fuck you man." I look at them, see them looking at me, exhale, look back at those four on that ice, and say, "I was the closest one to her. I should've known. I should've gone into that house to check on her just to fucken check on her. I should've gone when the I heard the fucken arguing. I should've. Fuck!"

I exhale, look down, inhale, knowing, knowing this is my fault. Fuck. And none of that matters. Whose fault it is doesn't fucken matter! The fact is that I should've done something, anything, killed him or. I feel a hand on my shoulder, look over, see that eyebrow that reminds me we are brothers, and hear him say, "Gotta get drinks McHater. Get up."

I exhale and hear Caesar say, "Listen Hu. Go for a fucken walk man before you say more things that don't make sense."

I inhale, feel that hand on my other shoulder, and hear him say, "I mean it Hu. Just go for a walk. Fucken from here to the fucken vending machine. It'll help."

I exhale, look over at them, see her looking at me with that worried look, knowing she can't hear us with that speaker over them but she can see well enough, and hear Hiro say, "Huey, we ain't fucken leaving them, no one's fucken here, and you knows we take care of our own."

I exhale, feel my smirk, see her exhale from here, see that worried look leave, nod, see that smile, and say, "Fine."

I hear them exhale, get up, and follow my brother down the steps, towards the room where the vending machines are.

We get down to the first step, take that right to the hall with the concession stands, and I hear him say, "You telling my ass how you make that fat racist Ruckus close this shit down."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, and say, "The moment I said it had to do with those two he said he'd open early and keep it closed until school ends today."

I hear him exhale, knowing I would've normally told him it was none of his business, but I don't feel like saying that today. We walk pass the closed concession stands and I hear him say, "Thanks Huey."

I inhale, stop, see him stop, hear him inhale, and he says, "Ain't just Jazzy. C-Murph needed a fucken day off to man, not just cuz of everything but just cuz she fucken feels too much, that shit at school with those hoes she thinks fucken matter, that hoe that started fucken looking for my ass last week and I keep telling her ass I 'on't fucken care what she wants, and then Jazzy man."

I hear him inhale, see his shoulders shaking, hear the inhale, that inhale, feeling my eyes get big, and hear him say, "I fucken should'a done something man. I don't know. Anything. Fuck! Now it ain't just C-Murph I'ma be thinking 'bout and the fucken shit she was always 'round man and I wasn't fucken there to make sure she don't have to see that, knowing shit was fucken bad, just not how fucken bad, cuz I didn't wanna think 'bout that shit, wanted to be out there at those fucken parties instead of with her, where I should'a been, and then."

I hear him inhale, see him shaking, and hear him say, "Cuz I didn't wanna know, didn't wanna fuck up the high, never asked man, not fucken once, cuz wanted to fucken think 'bout those parties, those girls, and it's C-Murph, ma ride or die, that don't feel shit, just always there to play ball, to fuck 'round with blowing shit up at Ed's, never thought 'bout her having it like that, never fucken asked, not 'til this year, after I was done with the parties, the fucking 'round, only 'til shit was good for my ass, then I fucken wanted to know, only asking now man, now, finding out how fucken alone she was man, all that fucken wasted time I could'a been with her, helping her. Fuck!"

I hear the sniffling, feel myself walk up to my brother, my younger brother, knowing last time this happened, knowing I wasn't good at making people feel better, far less about their decisions, all I did was give him logic, told him I would be there for her until he got there, but this time, it's all said and done, and I can't be there or give him logic. So instead, I exhale, put my hand on his shoulder, and let him cry.

After a few minutes I hear him say, "I'ma have to live with that shit." I inhale, exhale, and say, "I will to." Because no matter what they say, I could've done something, but he's my brother and he doesn't have to live with that. I exhale and say, "Riley." I hear him inhale and I say, "She tells me it took months of living together for her to open up to her, someone that's that close to her, and says she might never know how bad it was for her but she's going to keep trying with her I'm sure with how optimistic she is for as long as it takes, and based on how close they are and how much she has to work at it I'm not surprised in the least that she never said anything to anyone else, and if you really want to help, you don't give up Riley and cry over what you could've done differently, whatever mistakes you think you made, especially because you were younger, didn't necessary have the best influences no matter how much they've cleaned up now, knew less about how to see those things, and I'm sure with how similar you two are, blowing things up with Ed possibly helped her, so stop blaming yourself because it won't help, because there's a high change with how much younger you were, even if you were with her, you wouldn't have seen it, wouldn't have known what it was that was happening, and aside from that, you knowing her like you say you do should be able to answer whether you think if you would've asked or been there those times things would have turned out differently when she wouldn't open up to the girl she considered a sister back then, and crying about that possibility, which the logical answer to is things would have turned out the same, gets you nowhere, so just think logically about what you're asking, how really you couldn't have done anything, and do what you can right now even if you think there's nothing you can do."

I hear him exhale, feel him stop shaking, hear him inhale, and after a few seconds I hear him say, "A'ight McHater, I'll do what I can." I exhale, let go of his shoulder, pass him, start walking to the vending machines, and hear him say, "You knows you just like her right?" I exhale, shake my head, hear him come up next to me, and hear him say, "All them plant food and books McHater and you ain't see shit, even though your ass got that book shit from them."

I stop, see him take that step to the vending machine, see him exhale, take out his wallet, and hear him say, "You like them. With how much your ass likes school, books, and shit, specially all them books 'bout blacks, like him."

I inhale, see him take out a bill from his wallet, and hear him say, "I 'on't feel like talking 'bout them either but I'ma just tell you, cuz you ma brother." I exhale, see him put the bill in the machine, and hear him say, "I 'on't remember them no more but." I hear the numbers being entered into the machine and hear him say, "I remember things they did, like how she liked that tea in morning befor' he'd leave. Don't remember if he'd take it but I remember the smell in morning, befor' he'd leave to work, and I remember her voice."

I hear the drink fall onto the dispenser and hear him say, "Only remember that now, her voice, her voice telling us shit like she thought we were cute and shit and I think she liked reading to us at night."

I inhale, remembering those nights, and hear him say, "So I knows you got that shit from them, reading about blacks from him and just reading other books from her, and I think, I got how they could see it, see art, what it is, what it ain't, what it means, cuz I remember those paintings at our place, those watercolors, those colors."

I hear him stop punching those numbers, hear him exhale, and hear him say, "But how you blame your ass 'bout everything that ain't your fault, I think you got that from hanging out with that big ass forehead who like my lil' sis, like your ass thinking you could'a done something when that piece of fucken disgusting shit who I'ma kill if you don't first did that shit when he knew her momma wasn't there, her momma who Cin tol' me blames her ass and she knows hasn't fucken stopped crying when she alone, thinking she should'a done something, when that pussy did shit in a way to not get caught, fucken talking 'bout doing that shit only when the fucken law can't do shit to him, when he's a fucken lawyer, taking her to some fucken place he can make."

I hear him exhale, feel myself shaking, inhale, trying to not leave to take care of that fucken disgusting piece of shit, and hear him say, "And you think you could'a done shit 'bout him doing that shit to their momma when I fucken heard him calling her those names man, fucken calling her a hoe and other shit I know their momma ain't, never gonna be, and then hearing shit get quiet, like him going into some room and saying that shit there where you couldn't hear from outside, like he knew, he fucken knew people, we, could'a heard, cuz he was fucken scared we would bust it."

I inhale, exhale, and hear him say, "So, I think cuz of how shit went down, how he'd get there drunk and probably fucken high man, would talk shit for a few and then get quiet knowing we could hear, I think he was fucken scared we'd hear and bust in, cuz I don't think their momma could'a kept his ass that quiet less he wanned to be quiet, less he knew we were there, 'cross the street, listening. And."

I inhale, remembering those minutes, the time lapse, and those few times I did see them outside after one of those nights I heard the arguing, and how scared he looked. Fucken asshole I should've killed.

I hear him say, "And that's how I knows, cuz of all that shit, how Cin keeps saying her momma couldn't have done nothing cuz that fucken piece of shit only did that when she wasn't home and at night, shit, probably when their momma was fucken tired from taking care of his drunk punk ass, she didn't know he was doing that shit, fucken creeping 'round their house being the punk ass bitch he is, and how bad she says the fights got after Jazzy got older, like that punk ass was pissed her momma put a fucken lock on her door, but still he'd get fucken quiet in a minute after getting home drunk, like he knew, fucken knew, we were there, and if we even thought that shit was that bad, we would'a bust a cap in his ass. That's how I knows you couldn't have done shit Huey, cuz you didn't know, her momma didn't fucken know, and the punk ass was a fucken creep and a pussy that did everything in the fucken dark when people couldn't see or wouldn't fucken think shit was that bad."

I inhale, remember that soft afro, those qualities she has, one of them being how aware she is, believes people are mostly good, how highly she thinks of him, how his art will be in that museum one day, and hear him say, "So that's how I knows that shit, thinking you could'a done something, blaming your ass for not stopping that fucken piece of shit from creeping 'round their house when their momma didn't even know, did that other shit when she was a lil' kid and no one was at their house, and then thinking you should'a busted in when we only heard it for a few and then he'd probably go into a fucken room or somewhere where we couldn't fucken hear him being a pussy punk ass bitch with their momma, you thinking you could'a stopped that don't make sense so I knows that shit gotta come from that plant food or books our folks didn't read cuz even though I don't remember them no more, I 'on't remember them not making sense, saying shit that don't make sense, and you saying that sounds like some'ng Jazzy would say, cuz she always trying to make everyone fucken feel better, making people feel like it 'on't matter how they talk or even shit they do, she just wants to be everyone's friend and I think Cin getting that shit to man."

I hear him exhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear him say, "But she still ain't as bad as Jazzy. Least C-Murph 'on't try to be nice to people after they were fucken assholes. Jazzy like that. I mean she went through some fucked up shit no girl ever need to go through, and then wants to spend a fucken day with friends trying to make 'em laugh, spend time with her sister trying to make her not think 'bout all that shit from two days ago cuz she knows C-Murph keeps wanning to fucken cry man."

I hear him say quieter, "I seen that shit started that fucken day we thought he was gonna get her. That night man. Since that day, C-Murph just fucken cries when she alone, like her momma, and Jazzy trying to make 'em all feel better. Fuck man."

I exhale, wondering how long it's been since I brought her further into my body, hearing that giggle, feeling those strong legs, making sure she's safe. Too long.

I hear him say, "But that's how I knows you got that shit from hanging 'round her since we moved here. Not thinking 'bout how fucked up you are, just thinking shit all your fault and you gotta fix it or you gotta make everyone else feel better cuz shit's your fault and you don't want people feeling fucked up."

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, remembering how that unrealistic optimism will possibly always think highly of him and how she's right and doesn't have to know it, and I say, "Just so you know, because you are my brother, and because it needs to be said, regardless of your idiotic choices, you didn't let yourself be consumed by that life or stayed in it for longer than you needed to. I also know you're not doing any of that anymore and it shows character. And aside from that and regardless of the fact that we might never see eye to eye on certain things, I do know you Riley, you aren't stupid, you know what they will always say about us when we walk out of the room, I trust you will always be there to take care of her if I'm not there like I will do for her sister if you're not around, and over all of that, I am proud that you're my brother."

I hear him exhale and hear him enter the numbers into the machine. I exhale, knowing that's the end of the closest brotherly conversation we've ever had, walk up to the other vending machine, take out my wallet, and see that bill he's handing me.

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Riley I have money so," but he cuts me off exhaling and he says, "I knows McHater. This ma change so you don't gotta break a bill and you're ma brother and I love you man."

I exhale, nod, remembering some advice and how I try to, want to, live with as little regret as possible, grab the bill, and say, "Thanks. Love you to man."

I put the bill inside and hear him say, "You knows you still a gay ass hater even if your ass finally dating Jazzy."

I exhale through my nose, hear his cackle, remembering he will always be my only idiot brother, enter the numbers into the machine, and hear him say, "I don't know man. I knows I love family but outside that shit, I 'on't know."

I exhale, hear the drink dropping down to the dispenser and say, "Same."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "But I knows after all them girls, some hoes, if that shit real, all that gay shit, emotions and all that crap, was always gonna be the female that ain't scared of walking into stupid ass gangster shit with my ass or skating from fucken rooftops."

I feel my eyebrow rise remembering the idiotic reasons they did those things, enter the numbers into the machine, see the numbers in the order of that day and month, the day she was born almost sixteen years ago, and wonder if that god continues to laugh at my expense even if I don't care as much anymore. That afro that spent those hours with me trying to save an innocent man from the death penalty. I feel my smirk and say, "Or the girl that wanted me to add those pink inked letters in my letters to free brother Shabazz or the only person that actually read my survival handbook in a house full of people that could actually read and had nothing better to do for an entire damn week."

I hear his cackle and feel my smirk get bigger, knowing it is possible my standards for people, like expecting them to read a survival handbook during a crisis, are too high but she keeps surpassing those standards so I couldn't give two shits if they are too high.

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "He right man. You both nerds."

I exhale, shake my head, handing him the change, and hear him say, "And talking 'bout them two, hurry it up, I wanna get back and watch Cin try more moves I 'on't fucken care 'bout but like watching her make 'em."

I shake my head, thinking about those white jeans, how she looks in them dancing in those skates, not knowing music from the Jackson Five could be construed as sexy but damn it can be. And, we have this ice rink to ourselves because he has what some would call 'affection' towards Jazmine and her sister, what real fatherly affection should be, remembering them all hugging him when we got here knowing he was doing this for them, how he was respectful in how he hugged them. And so, she is safe, her younger sister is safe to, and her mother is calling every two hours to check in until we have confirmation that fucken imbecile has checked into another hotel and I have confirmation from my contacts that calls being made from that cell phone we finally found or that women's cell phone to his office are coming from outside the county. I exhale, knowing there is still so much work that needs to be done for her, them, my people. And I told her she'd help me make those changes, along with possibly my idiot brother, and lying is for the weak.

I inhale, feeling my smirk, grab the drinks, turn, and start walking back, hearing my brother do the same thing. I look up, see him at the viewing station looking down at one of those right wing magazines, racist in nature but not incompetent enough to be honest about their views, and she's safe here. I exhale. An ice rink where Ruckus isn't allowing anyone in until after three when school lets out, locking those steel doors, and we're here with my trusted idiot friends, my younger brother, who I just talked about our parents, our history with, told him I know he's not selling drugs anymore because I believe him, I'm proud of him and love him, her younger sister, who apparently could be teaching my younger brother if falling in love, if that's what it is, is real, and my friends' girlfriends who that soft blonde afro said she missed. And her, who is possibly, as unlikely as it is, only after half a year of being together, almost six years of knowing each other, is teaching me more about history as she reads books I haven't read, is willing to accept what I can give her right now as enough, and hope, that insignificant amount of hope, she's willing to wait for more, knowing if it's possible for me to believe in anymore, possibly in even falling in love, it'll be because of that Jazmine head. But first, I need to make sure she's safe.

We make that left, see those two down there on the ice with them, trying to learn how to ice skate, feel my exhale, knowing they're down there with her, and shake my head, hearing my brother's cackle. I see him run down the steps towards them, take that left, and I follow him.

Once I'm down the steps, I look over at them, see that smile she's giving me, and feel my smirk, feeling that hope that at least for the rest of the day we might continue actually enjoying our day off from that institution, those people that do not matter, until tonight, when I ask her to cum on my hand again.

Fuck. Last night. This morning. I swallow, see those small white ice skates, go up those jeans, lick my lips, see that small waist, that damn sweater I've had to control myself from looking at, that soft hair that's long enough now it covers those breasts, go up, trying to not stare at that part more, and see that tint from here, feeling my smirk.

I see the opening, where the division ends, turn to the bench in front of the opening, put the drinks down, sit down next to him, and hear him say, "Your ass betta not tell anyone at school I knows how to do this shit. Fuck up my rep."

I exhale through my nose, see her giggle from here, seeing those long legs in those skates, and see her mouth, 'Almost done bestie.' I exhale, shake my head, look down, grab the skates we rented, and hear him say, "Your ass be coming?"

I nod and say, "You come after me, I will slam you into the division." I hear his cackling, take off my shoes, start putting on the skates, and hear him say, "Nah McHater, I won't do shit. Could fuck up the mood and I think Jazzy's fucken way too happy to mess it up for her thinking your ass gonna go out there."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, and feel my mouth open seeing those small skates jumping up and down, go up, see those hips start to move with the beat, see that turn, trying to not go back down to those hips, and see those lips moving to "that nasty boogie, bugs me, But somehow it has drugged me, Spellbound rhythm gets me on my feet, I've changed my life completely, I've seen the lightening leave me, My baby just can't take her eyes off me." I feel my feet secure, get up, feel myself walking and then moving towards her, see that turn again with her eyes closed, come up and put my hands on those hips.

I feel her inhale, see her turn towards me, look up at me with that small smile, putting my hands back down on those hips where they feel too right, feel those small hands in those gloves on my arms, and she says, "If I haven't said it, thank you bestie. I feel so much better just being here and not at home, being here with them and laughing, seeing you with the guys, and now I know why you looked annoyed after you made a call for something you wanted us to do today and didn't wanna tell me what it was. I really didn't think this was it and it was just so nice and I feel so much better with how much time we've been spending together, everything, and then you doing this when I know you don't like doing these kinds of things, how it feels like a really big group date and it's just so special and you're so roman," and taste those lips, closing my eyes, knowing my idiot friends are here, so she's safe, and I can close my eyes.

I taste those lips, that damn taste of them, feel those hips move up higher, feel those hands on my neck, feel her suck on my upper lip, and wonder, knowing all she had to do was suck on my lip like that, why the hell we are here and not in my room.

I hear that voice say, "Hu! I need tiny one for balance man!" I feel those lips move away, hear that giggle, exhale through my nose, feel her kiss my chin, and hear her whisper, "Don't want him falling again on the hard ice. And since you both are about the same height, I think weigh about the same, how about you come with me to give him and Hiro pointers, while my sister and the girls help both of them not fall?" I exhale, open my eyes, and see that shine she has even right now, after the last few weeks of having to deal with people that mean something to her getting sick, despicable people that don't deserve her energy or to be on the same fucken continent as her making her feel anyway about what she is, those hips I don't want to let go of, the freckles, the hair, and any other qualities that remind her of her own history, her own strengths, wherever she chooses to get that from, wherever it is she gets that unrealistic optimism from, one of the many reasons I thought what is happening between us could not, should not happen, and know none of that matters, as long she keeps letting me inhale those particles with that hope she carries, and I know I want more of.

I hear her call me that nickname again, see that tint I like, feel my smirk, go down, kiss those lips, push through those full lips, taste that tongue, that damn tongue, groan into that mouth, and hear cheering coming from my idiot friends and their girlfriends, all of which make her happy and she missed.

I feel her move away, feel my annoyance through my exhale, look down at those intense eyes, those full pursed lips, and hear her whisper, "Bestie, our friends are right here, and you're making me want to go home and lock you in my room, so I'm taking back what I said this morning and we're both doing things to each other tonight okay."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel that thing on my face she likes, see that smile with her exhale, and I say, "Fine, but after what you call 'friend time' is over, if we still have time before your mother's home because I know you want to spend time with your family before we go to sleep tonight and we both enjoy each other, and before having to deal with those kids at that damn institution and the trash of this world, I want you to let me put more of those marks on that neck."

I see her look down at my lips I think, see her lick that bottom lip, feeling that warmth in my stomach, knowing what it is, and hear her whisper, "I was hoping you would but I wanna put some on you to." I swallow, feel that damn warmth on my face, and say the truth with, "I hope you do."

Then I hear voices say, 'Fuck man!' and 'Holy shit!', see that solid forest green look to my left, see them open, and hear her say, "Be back bestie." I exhale, feeling those hips leaving my hands, look over and see those hips swaying towards my younger brother's closest friend and the one I would consider my best friend after those hips, both on the floor. I hear them laughing, their cackling, shake my head, and start moving over to them.

As I get closer I see them trying to get up with help from their girlfriends and my girlfriend. I inhale, watching her help them up, hearing their cackling, knowing she is my girlfriend today.

_I don't have a girlfriend. Then what is Jazmine? Where did that thought come from?_

Shit. I was an idiot.

_"Why? Why don't you think we could work?" she asks. "We're not having this conversation Jazmine" I tell her again. I see her eyes lower and she says, "Are we not even besties anymore?"_

I exhale, see Caesar stand up, feel my smirk, and I say, "I was just reminded by my girlfriend that you're more or less my height, same with your weight, I know you can fight well, so don't pull that it's going to take you more than half an hour to learn to move on your own and."

I know I heard her inhale, along with several others, look over at my brother, and see him looking at me with that raised eyebrow, remembering how much I have to make up for, that exchange we started right now, not having talked about our parents since he stopped asking, before we moved here, probably because I would say I didn't want to talk about them when my brother who wasn't even five years old would ask, and hope I can make up for all that I put him through.

I exhale, looking at my brother, and say, "Your mildly better at not falling on your ass on these than I am so you should teach them how to move forward in these and then I'll teach them how to actually put some speed behind it."

I see his mouth open, I exhale, and say, "Riley." I see him smirk that idiot smirk, hear him say something that ends in 'damn McHater', see him look at them, and hear him start instructing them.

I feel that hand go through my own, look down at her, see that small braid on the side of her head holding down that thick soft afro, see that smirk, feel my smirk knowing she's having whatever assumptions she is, and she says, "You just called me your girlfriend in front of our friends and I saw that cute blush when you said it and you've only ever called me your girlfriend in front of jerks that were trying to ask me out."

I exhale through my nose, see her giggle, feeling my smirk, know she's right, hear them start moving away and cursing, and know if it's been this damn hard to call her my girlfriend in front of people we know, people we consider friends, I have no right calling her that to fucken idiots or touching her, or kissing her, just like I don't kiss her in front of people, hardly touch her unless it's under that table, and hold her hand only when it suits me, when I want to get her away from fucken idiots that mean nothing or I simply feel like holding her hand, and she deserves more than that, and I want us to work.

So, hearing them ask her a question, seeing her turn to her friends, I know what I have to do, what I want to do, because it needs to start with me, knowing she will more than likely not only remain beautiful but will always give me time and space, will only ask for and accept whatever it is I can give, and will not push me unless it's to rest. And those particles are making me delusional thinking she's also the reason I could one day believe people can fall in love, I could fall in love, and I'm hoping I do.

But first, I have to make up for the lost time, including the lost chances she's given me to kiss her, touch her, hold her hand, and do what others would deem 'affectionate', what even my younger brother does more of than I do, my friends far more than even that, and I've wanted to do regardless of how I view this world.

So, hearing that voice telling them about how many times she fell learning how to ice skate, I go down, kiss that warm cheek, hear her inhale, hear her friend's stop talking, see that red on those cheeks, and say, "I'm going to go help. Hang out and I'll be back."

I see her nod with that 'o' shaped mouth I'll make sure to come back and kiss in no more than five minutes, feel my smirk, see that face turn to me, that tint covering her entire face, and I hear her whisper, "Okay boyfriend. Hurry because I want more kisses because that's how you show me how you feel and I wanna keep giving you hope that one day you'll know all that other stuff, the if and how stuff, and I'm not gonna give up helping you with that."

I know people are listening somewhere but they're trusted friends and I say, "I hope you don't because it'll be that Jazmine head that makes me believe that."

And because I want to, I go back down, kiss that chin, hear the giggling, roll my eyes, stand up straight, see that smile possibly get bigger, squeeze that small hand, let it go, and turn around.

And, I shake my head, seeing them. I exhale, moving towards them, hearing them cackling, the swearing that only happens when we're all together, get to them, see Caesar look at me, hearing my brother saying something about not falling on their asses, and shake my head, knowing even if they can fight, it's going to take more than hope to get them to stop falling on their asses.

But I can start with that insignificant amount of hope that is telling me not only will my trusted friends stop falling on their asses on this hard ice today but I will continue protecting her and anyone else that means anything to me and as unlikely as it is, that insignificant amount of hope will one day possibly, maybe, lead me to believing the if and how's that Jazmine head believes. But for now, I can look forward to putting more of those marks on that neck in exactly two hours and forty-five minutes.

* * *

Yo,

Done for now, but you'll know I'm already working on the next one. I hope it wasn't traumatizing for anyone and hope to hear what you all thought.

Thank you as always.

Bulma's Ego.


	35. Strong

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you for your review on that. I legit cried several times writing it and still kind of get the coldness going up my spine when I read that part. But overall I'm glad it came out the way it did. And I love that this story makes you feel anything. I am truly grateful for your support and just any comments you ever have time to add here. Thank you again.

RabbitMelody: Thank you. Thank you. I laugh whenever I read your comment cuz it really makes me smile. The fact that you called it a masterpiece….dam. Legit. Thank you again.

WARNING: You'll know when it's getting too sexy you should just skip down but I don't know, I think at this point in the story you gotta kind of get through those parts to really dive into it, but it's up to you'll. Oh, I loved, LOVED, writing this one. And there is some special stuff in this chapter but I didn't want to add that to the title so yeah. That be it. Have fun.

CHAPTER 35:

I exhale, put my head on her shoulder, feel her hold my arm tighter, feeling my happiness, and hear her say, "I'ma fuck up every bitch that looks one more fucken time."

I open my eyes and see some girls turn away.

I start giggling and hear her say, "What I thought, bitches."

I start laughing, hear Caesar whispering something to her, hearing her giggle, and can't help but exhale, happy.

Then I see those double doors, inhale, trying to do this, after three days of so much, bad stuff, good stuff, and amazing, incredible stuff, and now this school stuff.

I feel her hold me tighter and hear her say, "'Member Jazzy, those stupid bitches and assholes don't matter."

I exhale, feel my smirk, and say, "Because we're gonna keep meeting people that are friends like the ones we have now, keep having fun, and keep winning because we have the best women's basketball team ever."

I feel that kiss on the side of my head, feeling my happiness get bigger, and hear her whisper, "And cuz we got the bestest big sis in any fucken crew ever that made us have hella fun yesterday and now we're gonna do the same shit at lunch and these dumbasses don't know how strong our crew and our big sis is, so fuck 'em."

I feel my smile, turn to her, kiss the side of her head, hear her giggle, knowing she is so cuddly inside just like my little sister, and then, knowing we passed the double doors, remembering my little sister, how much I love her, I look at our table.

_I see their blue eyes, so pretty, feel my smile, knowing they will never need makeup or anything else to just be beautiful, and my mom says, "Are you sure honey?"_

_I smile, nod, and say, "Yes, mom. I feel better just from yesterday and you're right, he can't do that to us, change the life you two worked really hard for, and I think we should go back to school and then have our night tonight, like normal, just us, even if the guys come over to sleep with us afterwards because they're being worrywarts." _

_I hear that sweet deep laugh, laugh with her, and hear my sister say, "Damn straight sis, they ain't not sleeping over 'til you knows, they knows shit's taken care of."_

_Then, I see her look down and away, sad I think. I exhale and say, "And there's one thing I want to ask if you two can do for me, please?"_

_I see them both look at me, see those dry eyes they both have, feel my heart breaking, knowing I have to try to take care of them because I'm strong, like all the women in my family, and I say, "I want you to stop crying."_

_I see their eyes open, see their mouths open, and hear them both start saying that they haven't been crying and they're just tired and that's why their eyes are red._

_I exhale and say, "Sissy, mommy, please don't lie to me."_

_I see them both stop and look away. I inhale and say, "I love you."_

_I see them both look at me, see their mouths open, and I cut them off saying, "And that's why when I know you're crying in the bathroom like you were right now mom." I see her look away and I say, "Or right now in the living room before I came downstairs sis." _

_I see her inhale, see her eyes get watery, and I say, "It hurts me."_

_I see them both look at me with those watery eyes and I say, "And you two make me so, so happy, the happiest ever, and it hurts me when I know you're crying about a bad person because you think he did things to me that he didn't."_

_I see them both exhale, see my sister's watery eyes fill up, see my mom look down, and see those tears coming down her cheeks._

_I stand up, go to her side, hug her, and see my sister grab her hands. _

_We let her cry and after some minutes I hear her say, "I wasn't there and he could've been." But I stop her with, "But he didn't mom. I know he didn't. He didn't take anything from me because he's crazy like you told me over and over that day when you hugged me and gave me kisses and my sister hugged me and gave me kisses and kept filling me up with Huey and Riley's mom's tea and told me how if we ever see him again we're gonna call the dog catcher because that's all he's worth."_

_I hear her inhale, see her start shaking, and hear that pretty laugh of hers. _

_I see her look up, see her look at me, see those eyes are still red but at least they don't have tears anymore, feel my smile, and I say, "You've been my mom and dad for years, you tucked me in every night for the last few years, took me to all my doctor's appointments, my ballet classes, the park for those walks, and then kicked out a horrible person and saved me from living with him now that I'm older, I'm getting older." I see her exhale, feel her hold my hand, and she says, "I would've killed him if he would've touched you." _

_I inhale, hearing my sister doing the same thing, knowing mom doesn't say those kinds of things, ever, and feel my heart swell. I smile at her, see her exhale, and see that look of determination, that look I'm starting to remember she's always had when she's protected me that I guess I just didn't see because it's my mom and I just thought she was just being herself, a mom._

_I exhale and say, "But instead of doing that you showed me and my sister that the law can work and we just have to trust it and have hope." _

_I see her exhale, see that small pretty smile, see her nod, and I say, "And you also said months ago that my sister is being raised by us." I hear her inhale, look over at those pretty dark ocean blue eyes, see how red they look up close, know she must've cried a lot this week, so much, and this morning, and see those eyes look down._

_I feel my mom turn and hear her say, "Baby look at us." I see her inhale, see her look up with those red eyes, see her exhale, see her close her eyes seeing those big tears coming down her cheeks, looking down again, and hear her say, "I could'a fucked him up so many fucken times. I could'a. I could'a. And I was there. I was. Had one of 'em stupid ass fake guns to fuck him up, then just keep throwing shit as his ass. I 'on't fucken know. Anything. And now I knows, I knows, why the fucker was always fucken pissed when he saw ma ass here at night, I knows, and then why them fights got so fucken bad and I could'a, I should'a."_

_I grab her hands, hear her stop talking, feel my mom's hands over ours, and hear my sister exhale. I inhale and say, "But sissy, I wouldn't have let you get in trouble doing that because I love you and because he's not worth you getting in trouble, remember what he's worth."_

_I hear her inhale, see those shoulders shaking, and hear that laugh, feeling my happiness. I see her look up, inhale seeing those eyes, and hear my mom say, "And I would've never let you do that baby, you know that, because I was making a mistake in thinking he could change, that there was anything to change, and more importantly, because my heart would've broken if I would've seen you in any trouble because of him. You don't know this sweetheart but you are the daughter I wanted to have right after having your sister but." I see my sister's eyes open, see her look at my mom, and hear my mom say, "But by the time I was ready to have another daughter you had already been born and so I believe and know things happened the way they did with me not having had another child and you coming into our lives when you did, so I could take care of you now, raising you with your big sister, because things had to happen in someone else's time, and not our own, even if I would've wanted to have you myself."_

_I see that smile on my sister that I know is the prettiest smile on the prettiest girl I know and I say, "And I know no matter how much of my C-Murder-sister you are." I see her look at me, see her blink at me, see those tears going down her pretty face, and I say, "You are my cuddle-bunny-sister, that likes laying on the couch, letting me play with your hair while mom massages your ankles knowing you're sore after your practices and want that massage, and are the strongest, prettiest, and most talented sister I could have ever wanted and has some of the squishiest insides that no one but us knows about because you hide it with that hard exterior but I've known since we were ten and that's why I know you've been crying every night since Monday." _

_I see her inhale, see those eyes fill up again, and I say, "And even this morning, thinking no one knows because you're C-Murder and C-Murder doesn't cry, but you're my C-Murder-cuddle-bunny-sister and when you cry it hurts my heart, just like when our mom cries it hurts our heart." _

_I hear my mom inhale, see my sister look at her, and I say, "And because of that, because it hurts us all when we cry, we need to stop."_

_I see them both look at me, see them both look down, and I say, "And don't do that." I see them both look up at me, smile at them, and I say, "Don't look down and get sad about this. This isn't a bad thing. We're all okay and we all love each other and whenever we start to think about those things what we're all gonna do is remember he's crazy, he doesn't deserve our energy, those things he said aren't true and he really is crazy, we're happy, we make each other happy, and because of that we know when we cry alone and let those things he said and did make us cry we're hurting each other, and we're too strong, too happy, too grounded to let him do that to us, to let him have a say in our happiness, our freedom, how grounded we make each other."_

_I see my sister smile at me, really smile, feel my heart get big, really big, feel my mom's arms go around me, feel her hug me into her chest, smelling that coconut lotion, feeling so safe, knowing she's hugging both of us, hear my mom's exhale, and hear her say, "Let's start today. When I feel sad or hopeless or like I could've or should've done anything differently, I'm going to think about my babies' birthdays that are coming up, our Friday nights, all the trips we still need to go on together, and all those Halloween costumes my loves still need to wear."_

_I laugh, hearing my sister laugh to, feel that small, strong hand holding my hand over my mom's lap, and hear her say, "I'ma think 'bout all the food we still gotta try on our Friday nights and all them hoe'sh mama's we gotta fuck up when they look at our pop's."_

_I feel myself laugh harder and I say, "And I'm gonna think about all those dishes I want us to cook on Friday nights where my mom and my sister who think I'm not watching them keep adding meat to their plates when we're supposed to be eating a veggie dish that night."_

_I hear them both laugh, feel my exhale, my real exhale, and hear my sister say, "And we gots to pinky swear this shit." I feel my smile and hear my mom say, "I agree."_

_I feel her let go over me, I sit up, see us all smile at each other, put our pinky fingers out, feel my sister grab my pinky with hers, I grab my mom's pinky with mine, and see my mom grab my sister's pinky with her pinky, and I exhale, seeing our hands in that connected circle like that, what grounded is. _

_I look up, see them looking at me and then at each other with that serious look, knowing this means so much more than a pinky swear. _

_I see them nod, feel my nod, and hear my mom say, "No more crying because of him, not one tear." I feel my small smile and my sister says, "And if we feel shitty we think 'bout our little family and how's we the only ones that knows how squishy and whatnot we are and we got each other." I exhale, knowing I'm really happy, and say, "And the women in our little family are stronger than any fear and any coldness." _

_I see them both look at me, remembering telling them about that coldness, see them exhale with those watery eyes, and I say, "Okay, on the count of three, we say 'go wolves'."_

_I see them start laughing, start laughing with them, and hear my sister say, "Okay, okay, one." I hear my mom stop laughing and she says, "Yes my loves, two." I exhale and say, "You make me feel grounded, three."_

_I see them smile at me and hear us say, "Go wolves!"_

_Then, we hear the door open, look over, see that afro and those braids I took care of last night when we were all watching a movie here in the living room, and see them both walk in with their backpacks, changed into clean clothes for school. I see those maroons look at me like that, the way he does when he makes me get super red, thinking I just wanted to surprise him this morning after he left to go change by putting my hair up in my two buns, putting on my new red turtleneck sweater that I had to wear because of last night, one of my old dark skinny jeans, and my bright white converse, and feel my tongue come out and lick my lip seeing him in that black turtleneck sweater with those dark jeans and red converse. My favorite combination on him. And God, those muscles. And how does he not know how good looking he is?_

_Then, I see him walk in behind them, feel my eyes open, jump up with my sister, hearing my mom laughing, and run into and behind my bestie into that chest._

_I hug him, smell that cologne, hear his hearty laugh, feel my sister's hand on my shoulder knowing she's hugging him to, and I say, "You came back pop's," hearing my sister telling him to not leave that early ever without saying bye first and asking him if he's taking us to school. My cute little sister. _

_I feel that safe arm around my shoulders and hear him say, "I'm sorry girls. Yes, I needed to go home for a bit and take my boys to school so I did leave pretty early, but after dropping them off I came straight over here so I could take you all to school." _

_I feel my exhale, feeling really safe under that arm, and hear that monotone voice say, "Leo, Grandad gave me the keys to Dorothy so there's no," but I hear Leo cut him off saying, "Huey, please. Monday you can start taking them all if you want, just today, let me give you all a ride there and then I want to take Sarah to her office. I just want to make sure they're safe today, even if that's only for ten minutes to your school and Sarah's office and on the way to your job and volunteer services if you're still planning on going. I'll take everyone else home after taking Jazzy and you to the nursing home and the shelter, I'll make sure Sarah gets home safe, and you can call me when you're both off. Just for today." _

_I bury myself in that chest, feeling that safe arm over my shoulders, knowing I'm being childish, but it's okay because I think this is just me being Jazzy, and then I inhale, feeling a warm hand, one I know I like in more ways than one, on my lower back, even if it's in my house and there's just friends and family because Huey touching me like that in front of people is him being really affectionate._

_I hear him exhale behind me and hear that monotone voice say, "Fine and." I hear him stop, feel that warm hand moving over my lower back, feeling my cheeks getting super warm, and hear him say, "Thank you Leo."_

_I hear Leo kiss my sister's head, feeling my happiness, feel him kiss my head, and hear him say, "Let's go girls so we can get you all to school." _

_I nod and know no matter what, no matter what, I'm really lucky._

I see that smile from here, those clear dark ocean blue eyes, and know my little cuddly with squishy insides gangster sister is one of the most superstitious and loyal people in the world and I know when she pinky swears she'll kill someone before breaking it. And, she's the strongest and prettiest girl I know.

And feeling other eyes looking at us, trying to focus on those pretty blue eyes, I hear someone saying 'so it's true she's back to, fucken shit.' I inhale, seeing my sister's eyes squint at someone to my right, hearing those curse words stop, and then I hear, "Babe, anything happens, you two make it to the table."

I inhale, look to my left, and see him walking towards us, feeling my eyebrow rise, confused why he's walking up to us in the middle of the cafeteria, and then hear Caesar's voice say, "Wells, least Hu's gonna get to fuck up him up again."

I blink. What? I look towards the table and see those reds looking at me, feeling my eyes get big, knowing that look, but we're not in his room or my room and we can't do stuff here, and hear Caesar's voice say, "You know what babe. Hu can handle this. Come on, we'll meet 'em at the table."

I feel my mouth open, confused, seeing those reds getting closer to me even though I don't think I'm walking anymore, hear Ming say something, see those reds look me up, wanting to tell him we're in school, and feel that tight arm holding me letting me go, but I can't seem to look away from those Freeman eyes that are looking at me right now.

I feel myself blink, see those reds get to me, crane my neck, and then I feel his lips on mine.

_I say, "Okay bestie, can we kiss before we go in?" I feel him let go of my hand, feel my smirk, feel him grab my shoulder, turn me, and feel those soft lips kiss me. I close my eyes, put my hands in that soft afro, knowing now it's really soft in the mornings, pull him down, and taste that tongue and that toothpaste. I really, really like that toothpaste, so much I hear myself moan his name, and then I feel him push me back into the lockers. And, I hear a door open. _

_I feel him move away, see those maroons look down at me, feeling my face flushed and my big smile, and hear a voice say, "You're finally back."_

_I feel my eyebrow rise, hearing our homeroom teacher's voice sounding kind of happy saying that, knowing sometimes we annoy her with how much we talk, well, how much Huey doesn't care about keeping his voice down when he's telling me I should have brought a sweater, and look over at her, seeing her giving us a small smile. _

_I smile back and say, "Yes Ms. Carter and I'm sorry we're late. We did get a note from the front office about our absent days and about being late if you," but she cuts me off saying, "That's okay Jazmine. Bring it in in five minutes."_

_I feel confused. What? I see her smile, hear that monotone voice thank her, knowing he's always been super polite and respectful to adults but he's been even more polite today, and see Ms. Carter pop her head back into class and close the door._

_Okay. I'm so confused. Then, I feel that rough hand grab my cheek, feel it turn my face, and taste those lips and that tongue, closing my eyes, and not knowing why this is happening but thanking Black Jesus and whoever's wanting us to have a good day._

_And, feeling those hands on my waist now, feeling them squeeze me, I hear someone, Ms. Carter I think, say 'Everyone sit down and if anyone gets up again from their seat without permission I will be sending them to the principal's office.' I move away, knowing the students were probably being nosy and were trying to see who was outside of class through the window on the door, knowing Huey doesn't like public affection, say, "Bestie, the students are gonna," and feel those hands pull me into that hard stomach, tasting those lips and then that toothpaste on that tongue again. I exhale, put my hands back into that hair, hearing that voice say, in between kisses, "They're all idiots and," I taste that tongue, feel him bite my lip, hearing myself say his name, and hear that voice say, "I want this right now." _

And Huey doesn't like public affection, but he kept kissing me, letting me put my hands in that soft afro for those five minutes, knowing those students had seen us kissing at least for a little before our homeroom teacher told them to sit down. And, when he dropped me off at my second period he kissed my cheek before going to his class and I felt my whole face get warm, being out in the hallway, full of students going to class, seeing that afro, looking really relaxed, but I could've been imagining that, swaying as he was walking away towards his class. And then, seeing some dumb girls give me dirty looks, I smiled at them with my warm face and walked into class, knowing I was going to have an awesome second period.

And right now, we're in the cafeteria, where most of the school is right now, and he doesn't like public affection, but I saw that look, the one he gives me when we're alone, where he makes me feel like I'm the only thing that exist to him, like I'm special to him, and makes any coldness go away. And he's Huey Freeman, ex-domestic terrorist, who does everything he can to save people, protects his friends, his family, people that are special to him, head on, the oldest sixteen year old I know that's still trying to learn how to ask for help, the if and how stuff, even if I can feel it from him and I don't need words from him because he speaks in actions, like taking me to meet his mom and dad, introducing me as his girlfriend, and respects me and has only gone as far as I want to go, letting me put marks on that beautiful neck last night, feeling him cum on my hip, hearing him say my nickname in that really deep voice while he made me orgasm on his hand again. And he's all these things, polite and respectful to everyone, affectionate with me, passionate about everything he does so much he makes me feel special, super intelligent and driven that he overthinks things, like the if and how stuff I'm sure, and even how to ask for help because right now he's asking me for help and he doesn't know it.

So, I put my hands in that afro, pull him down, and kiss that upper lip I really like, smelling that air he's breathing, move away, look up at those light reds, feel my smile, and I say, "I know you Huey, through and through, and even though I know you don't care what other people think, like all of these students, I still wanna keep anything we do together, including kissing, between us, in my room or in your room, on our couches, or on our hill where it's just you and me. But, today's already been the best day ever with all the ways you're showing me how you feel and I still wanna give you some hope for that other stuff you're trying to figure out but that belongs to us and they don't need to see that, so how about you just keep showing me how you feel at our table?"

I see him exhale, see that cute smirk, and he says, "Yes." I feel my smile get bigger, see him stand up, bringing my hands down from that warm hair, knowing for sure he has to be six feet tall now, feel him grab my hand, and I put my fingers through his, feel him pull me, and start walking to our table, seeing our friends all laughing between themselves, knowing this day's only going to get better.

And then I hear a voice say, "Jazmine." I see those broad shoulders stop and I walk into that back. I look over to my left, see him, nod, and say, "Yes Cairo?"

I see him exhale and he says, "You back." I feel my eyebrow rise, nod, give him a small smile, and say, "Yes, Huey, my sister, my brother, and I are all back."

I see him exhale with that look, feeling myself get sad again no matter what he's done and said, see him nod, and he says, "A'ight. See you in class."

I see him turn towards that table where I see Ashley looking away, seeing Dewey talking to her about something.

Then, I feel that broad back move away, feel that hand pull me, turn back to him, feel that kiss on my chin, inhale, look up at those reds, see that cute smirk, and he says, "Your brother?"

I feel my mouth open, remember everything I am, how Jazzy I can be, smirk back, move up, kiss that clean chin, missing that stubble from the last few days a little, and hear him inhale.

I look up at those reds and say, "Yes, my brother, who's gonna be running multibillion-dollar companies one day, be a big basketball player or an amazing artist, or all three and I don't care how childish that sounds."

Then I see it. That half smile. I also think I heard some girls say 'damn' and maybe an 'oh lord' somewhere. And, I feel my exhale at how beautiful he's always going to be. So, I move up, kiss those soft lips again, feeling him kiss me back, knowing I am so happy, hearing my friends and sister cheering us, and then hear Mr. Leon telling us to stop.

I exhale, move away, see those cute pursed lips, and I say, "Let's go to our table big hair where he can't see as much so I can keep kissing you."

I see that smirk again and he says, "Yes."

Then I hear a slap, see those reds look up, see that look on him that I saw on Caesar once, the 'diseased' look, see him turn, feel him start pulling me, and follow him, hearing yelling I think from Ashley and Michelle, not wanting to turn back.

We get to the table, smile seeing him pull me in so I can slide in through his side, sit down, slide in, and see him slide in after me, feeling him put his hand on my inner thigh. God, I really like his hand there, know my cheeks have to be so red right now from those kisses and now his hand, but we have to feed that warm brain. So, hearing the yelling, I take out the brown bag from my backpack, put it on the table, take out the first sandwich, hoping he likes it, unwrap it, give it to him, inhale, feeling that kiss on my cheek, and then that squeeze on my thigh with the first bite. His favorite.

Then I hear that voice say, "Hiro." I look over at him, see that Riley Freeman smirk, and hear Hiro say, "Damn Riley. A'ight, bring you the fifty on Monday."

Their bet. I feel my eyes open, look over at that table, see the group of students around it again and can't see the fight but I can hear the yelling, and then feel my eyes open even more, seeing Cairo and Dewey walking away from the crowd towards the double doors.

Then I hear Ashley yell, "Cairo where are you going! You better sit down if you still wanna be with me!" I hear the inhales at our table, remembering something someone said at that park in Chicago that night. I think a girl a felt bad for, more than any other girl I've met even after her, growing up in a family that must've been hard for anyone to grow up in, a teenage girl, like me, that said horrible things to my best friend, my boyfriend, feel my hand squeeze his hand that's on my thigh, and remember to not compare people, that girl in Chicago to Ashley because Ashley didn't have that life, even if I don't know what Ashley's life was like, she didn't have to grow up in the kind of family that girl did, so I can't compare them. And, he's been super affectionate today.

I turn to that face and see him chewing looking at his phone. I look down at his phone and see that website for Black Lives Matter in Oakland and an article on that black man that was killed years ago. He's so passionate about everything he does. And I want to kiss that cheek back. So, I look back up at him, see him still looking at his phone, move up, kiss that soft cheek, feel him put his hand underneath my thigh, feel him move it over his leg, and feel my smile.

Then I hear, "I ain't taking your shit no more! Do whatever the fuck you want!" I feel my eyes open, look over to the double doors where I saw them, see Cairo looking back at the crowd, hear the 'ooh's' and hisses from the crowd, and hear Mr. Leon say, "You cannot speak to a student like that or you could be suspended with your kind of situation!" I exhale, feeling that squeeze on my leg, knowing Mr. Leon's just a jerk because everyone at school needs to be treated the same, even if they're in that program, and he lets other students talk like that.

Then I hear her say, "Leon I didn't tell you to say anything! I'll have what I want and you're not doing anything! And you! You're only talking like that because she's back but I'll get her to after taking care of this stupid bitch I know you're still sleeping with so sit down now!"

I exhale, getting closer to that warm leg, knowing I might need him to hold me down, and hear Michelle's voice say, "You think I'm a stupid bitch Ashley! How do you think the school sees you when everyone knows you're sleeping with both of them! And I know he's only with you because you buy him things! Buying him! Buying both of them! That just makes you a stupid whore because you can't even keep him because he wants to be with you! You," and then I hear another slap and hear Mr. Leon yell for Ashley to stop.

I exhale, seeing some of the students moving in I think trying to actually stop the fight now, and hear Ashley yell, "Go to hell Michelle! I'll use all my money to get anything I want, anyone I want! And I don't need it anyways! I'm the hottest girl with the most money at this school, way more money than you have, and I'll use it anyway I want, to keep him, keep that that fat ass away from him, all those two-faces at that table, and all the stupid people that talk about that fat ass's ugly ass mom," and I see red, stand up, and say, "Ashley!"

I feel my exhale, know my sister also screamed her name with some curse words after, can see out of the corner of my eye that Riley's holding her from walking over there, and feel that warm hand on my hip, feeling him standing next to me. And, I need to calm down. I know I do.

I see Ashley step out of the crowd, see her look over here, see her smirk, not knowing seeing her smirk would actually make me this mad, and she says, "What fat ass! You think I care what she does! I'll do anything I want because I am the most popular girl at this school so why you even come back! No one wanted you to come back you," and hear a voice say, "I did you stupid bitch!" I look over, see Lena standing next to Phil who's holding her hips, feeling my happiness, remembering how much she texted me to check on me, so much, and even told me she would come to my house if I didn't tell her what was happening, hear Ashley say, "And who asked you! Everyone knows he's only with you because I said," and I cut her off saying, "Ashley stop being dumb!" I see her eyes get big, maybe because I called her that but I don't care because it's the truth, see her look at me, and I say, "You're wrong because you don't know him or my friend! You don't know them even a little so don't talk about them! You don't know any of my friends so stop talking like you do! And if you say one more thing about my mom I will take out all those extension, every single one, because I don't care about getting in trouble for my family or friends, I don't care about dumb things like being popular like you so I don't care if only our friends wanted me to come back, specically when it's a dumb girl that doesn't like me still, after a whole year, because my boyfriend has not looked at her once!"

I see her mouth open and then hear a voice say, "We missed you girls and we don't care what she says!" I look over, see Sam and Nickie standing at the astrology club table, feel my smirk, knowing Nickie's voice now, and hear Ashley say, "Why you even talking! You're just disgusting," and before I can say anything I hear a voice say, "And we missed our MVP of the year!"

I look over, see the girls, minus that one girl, standing up at the team's table, feeling my smile, and hear Ming's voice say, "So what you gotta say to that shit dumb hoe! Everyone that matters missed our crew so you can fuck off!"

I see Ashley start walking towards us, feel that hand holding my hip, and hear my sister's sweet voice say, "Ashley Bertha fucken McNeal!"

I stop, look over at my sister, see that evil smirk, knowing I want to laugh so much, hearing the laughing at our table, seeing Riley hugging her from behind, laughing into her hair, and hear Ashley's voice say, "Don't call me that you stupid," feel my eyes open, move up, feeling him holding my hip, and say, "Huey let me go!" I feel that breath on my ear and hear him whisper, "Jazmine, calm down." I inhale, feeling my whole face get red, and hear my sister's voice say, "Fuck you Bertha!"

Oh my god. And like that, I'm laughing with everyone else. And I feel both his hands squeeze my hips, feeling my inhale.

I look over at my sister, see her looking at me with that smile, knowing she's okay right now, know she's okay because she's the strongest and prettiest girl I know, and hear Ashley's voice say, "Don't you ever call me that you stupid," and before I can say anything I hear that voice next to me say, "Shut up sata! Our Cin Bear isn't done talking!"

Oh my god. I look over, see Hiro's face in Lauren's neck, seeing her get completely red, and can't help but giggle.

Then I hear her sweet deep voice say, "Thanks Laurie butt." I see Lauren smile at my sister, still seeing Hiro not moving away from her, knowing for sure he's happier than when we first met him, and hear my sister say, "Now Bertha!"

I laugh, look over at Ashley, see her so red and mad, and hear my sister say, "One! You a dumb hoe who's a stupid bitch!" I hear the cafeteria laughing, feeling my laugh, feeling myself sit down on that warm sand, and hear Mr. Leon say, "Ms. McPhearson you cannot," but I look at him and say, "No Mr. Leon! You let my sister finish because unlike Ashley, we don't get in fights just because we feel like it and then need the help from a counselor who happens be a racist jerk!" I see his eyes get big, see him take a step towards our table, feel myself slide off that warm sand, not remembering when I sat on Huey's lap, see that old sixteen year old boy stand up, covering my way out of the table, and see Mr. Leon stop.

Then I hear my sister's voice say, "Thanks sissy and thanks big bro." I turn to her, see her smiling at us, feeling my smile, and see her look over at Ashley. I look over at her and see that she looks pissed now, not mad, pissed, probably because her only help looks scared of coming over here, and hear my sister yell, "Two, you say one more thing, ever, ever, you stupid hoe, 'bout my mama I will fuck you up!" I see Mr. Leon start taking those steps again towards my sister, hear some inhales, see Riley moving around her, knowing him and most of the people at this table can't get in trouble but I still don't want him touching my sister, my little sister, so I stand up, step over to push that tall boy out of the way, and hear a guy's voice say, "Stop you piece a shit!"

I look back up at Mr. Leon, see he did stop, and hear him say, "Mr. Otomo! You will not," and hear Hiro cut him off saying, "I ain't give a shit what you say! I know you too fucken scared to come over here to do some real shit but I know your ass still a fucken counselor or whatever the fuck they call 'em here and can take my homie's girl in but remember I told your ass I will make your life a fucken hell! And I ain't in no fucken team and don't give a shit 'bout getting marks of whatever the fuck on my record cuz I don't care what classes I take so you can even take my ass in but before you do remember you be taking this whole fucken table in if you take her without letting her ass finish cuz we take care of our own you little bitch!"

And, I think I just heard some girls say something like, 'holy shit he's hot,' and exhale, knowing he's dating my friend and whisper's in her ear or maybe her neck now.

And, seeing Mr. Leon getting super red, I see him inhale, see him look over towards the entrance of the cafeteria, and hear him yell, "Why are you just standing there! Do your job and take them to the principal's office!"

I look over, see Mr. Ramirez standing next to the double doors, not knowing when he got here, see him looking at our table, kind of with a funny smirk, see him turn to Mr. Leon, and hear his booming voice, not needing to actually yell, say, "Sir we were hired by the school board, not by you, and do not follow your orders but what the board's guidelines are, which are primarily about physical altercations, which I don't see any of right now. It is your job to stop these kinds of problems and so, do your job."

Okay. For sure, I like Mr. Ramirez. I see him smirk at Mr. Leon, see him look back at our table, and hear him say, "And, I'm also interested in hearing the student finish what she was going to say."

Oh my god. I can't. I start laughing, hearing the whole cafeteria laughing, feel that hand on my hip, and hear my sister's voice say, "Thanks Mr. Ramirez! You the homie!" Oh my Black Jesus. I laugh again with our table, grab that hand on my hip, pull on it, feel him move behind, and feel those hands on my hips sitting me down on that warm sand again.

Then, I see my sister look back at Ashley, see that evil smirk, and hear her yell, "And I'ma finish this cuz I'm tired of looking at your ass! We don't give a shit 'bout you, that racist piece a shit next to your ass, that hoe you fighting today cuz of whatever fucken reasons you'll got, even though we all knows you were both fucken sharing his ass last week, fucken gross ass shit, and." I look over at Ashley and see Michelle about ten feet away from her, looking away, I think embarrassed, being held by Mackenzie, and hear my sister say, "And I'm tired of your ass! Tired of you fucken looking at us, talking shit when you don't know shit, following my man after that last day I fucken slapped your ass." I inhale, remembering the ice rink, how I knew something was wrong, made my sister tell us what was wrong, reminding her that we all love each other, my sister and friends, we need to talk about stuff that makes us feel bad so we can help each other, and how cute it was that after we told her Riley only likes her, that's her ride or die, and this girl doesn't matter, she smiled that pretty smile, went up to him, grabbed his hand and dragged him off the ice rink to go get more drinks even though none of us had opened our drinks. My cute little sister.

My cute little sister squinting her eyes at the dumb girl. I see her inhale and hear her say, "Why you got that stupid look on your face stupid bitch like your ass thought he didn't tell me!" I look over at Ashley, see her lips pursed, looking at my sister, and hear my sister say, "You really thought he wasn't gonna tell my ass! Stupid bitch it's Young Reezy! Known him longer than you been a hoe and that's a long fucken time!" I hear the laughing in the cafeteria, I think the loudest coming from the guy's basketball team, see Ashley take a step towards my sister, and before I can get up again, I hear a voice say, "Girl I'd be smart 'bout what you do cuz there's a few over here we holding down from going over there."

I exhale, knowing Caesar's right, see Ashley stop and inhale, and hear my sister say, "So stop following him you stupid bitch cuz next time I see you even fucken look at him I will fucken kill you!" I see Ashley's eyes get big, see her raise her chin, and hear her say, "I don't care what you say! They'll all get tired of you! You'll see! And then they'll come to me, like he did, like they all do! And I don't need money for them to stay because they want to! Just like," and hear someone cut her off saying, "And we're fucken done Ashley!"

I look over at Cairo, see him looking at Ashley, and hear Ashley say, "We're done when I say we're done Cairo! And we're not done yet!" I see Cairo turn away from Ashley and look at us, look at our table, knowing for sure I can focus more now because of that training because I can see that look, feel that chest on my back getting warm, too warm, and grab that hand my hip, and put it around my waist.

I feel his breath on my neck, see Cairo exhale, see him look back at Ashley, and hear him say, "I don't wanna fuck up no more and your ass doesn't fucken help! Just talks 'bout shit that don't matter because your ass don't fucken care cuz you got fucken money and you don't gotta try!"

I feel my eyebrow rise, see him look down, and hear him say, not yelling anymore, "I know I'm a fuck up but I don't wanna be a fuck no more. I wanna show 'em I'm stronger, more capable and shit, than they think. And when I am fucken trying you don't fucken help, just tells my ass to not worry about homework and shit, cuz none of that shit matters, but I don't got money like you, have shit easy like you."

I see him look up towards our table again and hear Ashley say, "Because it doesn't matter Cairo! I can pay for everything! Just do what I say and stop sleeping with stupid girls or looking at her fat ass or just fucking talking," and see Cairo turn to her and cut her off saying, "That's what I mean Ashley! That's all you fucken think 'bout! Just stupid shit, talking shit 'bout people that actually try to fucken help me, and then talking 'bout shows, shit I don't fucken care 'bout, when I'm trying to figure out fucken homework or just talking 'bout other shit, I don't know, anything that fucken matters, but all you wanna do is talk shit 'bout other people or fuck!"

I feel my eyes open. Wow. And then I feel both those arms squeeze my waist, feel my smile, and hear Michelle's voice say, "Cairo then be with me! I'll try to help you just don't sleep with," and see Cairo turn to where I think she's standing and hear him cut her off saying, "Michelle don't start that shit cuz you don't help either. I ask your ass 'bout fucken class and your ass don't fucken know anything cuz you don't fucken care either, and then not fucking thinking what your ass said right now fucken matters, saying that shit, even if I don't fucken care what this school thinks, saying I'm still with her ass cuz of money. You think a real girl, someone that actually fucken cared 'bout being with my ass would say that shit here!"

I exhale, look down at the table, feel my lips twist seeing it, try to move over, feeling him hold me, and whisper, "Bestie, we need to feed you and you can't eat with me sitting on your lap." I feel that breath on my neck again, trying to figure out how he's doing that when he's so much taller than me, feel that arm pull me back, and feel the bench under my butt. I look back at him, see him looking at where I think Cairo is, see those cute pursed lips, hearing the yelling still from Ashley I think, see that black turtleneck showing those muscles, and remember those muscles need energy to. I look back down at the table, grab the brown bag, take the plastic zip lock bag with slices of apple out, and whisper, "Hey, eat these first okay and then finish the sandwich."

I feel that squeeze on my inner thigh, feeling my cheeks getting warm again, not remembering when he put his hand there again, feel him grab a slice out of the bag, put it in his mouth, and start chewing it, feeling my smile.

Then I hear, "You think this is over fat ass! I'll have them!" I look up, exhale, seeing her looking at me, roll my eyes, knowing I'm also tired of her like my sister is, and say, "No you won't Ashley. They don't want you. My boyfriend who's probably gonna end up defending someone in court because you slapped them and will win that case is too busy to care what you do, his brother is too focused on making it to the NBA with my sister and doing other stuff to care, my friend's boyfriend and my boyfriend are too busy being part of protests and marches to care what you do, and my other friend's boyfriend is too busy making us laugh and teaching us how to fight to even know you exist, so." I exhale, see her walking up to us, feel my smirk seeing Mr. Ramirez walking up to her, and I say, "You won't have any of them and if you get close to us know I'll slap you so hard Mr. Ramirez will have to take you to the nurses office before the principal's and," and I see her stop, see her look back at Mr. Ramirez that's maybe ten feet away from her, and I say, louder, "If I do have to slap you I'll tell the principal I did it because Mr. Leon, who's close enough to stop you, didn't stop you from coming to our table because he's always trying to get us in trouble because he's just a racist jerk."

I hear Mr. Leon say, "Ms. Dubois!" I look over him, see him looking at me, mad I think, I exhale, and say, "I'm not lying Mr. Leon and remember for them I do not bluff, so you decide if you wanna let her come to our table, but know that it's Friday, I've had a great day so far, and I don't care about slapping people or activating my Facebook account when I get home today, just so my friends and me can keep having a good day." And I see his eyes get big.

I turn back to my sister, see her standing, and I say, "Sissy." I see her look at me with that smirk, out of the corner of my eye see Mr. Leon dragging Ashley out by her arm, hearing her curse at him, see that pretty smirk on my sister turn into that smile only she has, see her nod, and see her sit down.

Then I hear that voice say, "Wanna up the bet Hiro?" I look up and see Riley with that smirk, standing behind my sister, like he's protecting her, feeling my smile. And then, thinking about what he just said, I start laughing with my friends. Oh my god. Yes, it's gonna keep being a good day.

* * *

I exhale, hug those shoulders, and say, "Thank you. You're a really good friend." I feel her hug me tighter and hear her whisper, "I have a cousin." I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at her, see that pretty half ponytail, and she says, "And her dad wasn't good to her."

I inhale, feel her stop, see her look at me with those charcoal eyes, see her give me a small smile, and she says, "Punk ass in jail and fucker's gonna stay there for a long time and my mom told me my cousin is doing good in school and talking to a therapist about that stuff and she smiles again."

I exhale, see her put her head on my shoulder again, feel her start walking, start walking with her, and hear her say, "I know you said he wanted to get custody and." I inhale, feel her squeeze me, happy she knows the way to class, and hear her say, "Your family fought it cuz he wasn't good to you and he can never get you now and that takes a lot, telling your family, stopping that shit from happening."

I see him there, leaning by the door again, feel her stop, and I say, "Lena?" I feel her exhale, look back at her, see her head rise, see those pretty charcoal eyes look at me, a little watery, and she says, "My mom says that fucker that I hope fucken rots in jail did that to my cousin, started doing really bad things to her, after he got custody of her and had her alone, in his house."

I inhale, feel her hug me, feel myself hug her back, putting my face in those braids, and hear her whisper, "No one fucken knew and when they found out my cousins almost killed his ass." I exhale, remember my bestie and his little brother at the precinct that day, and hear her say, "I talked to my cousin last night, after not calling her since school started, and she told me she felt okay but she still felt bad about not telling her mom how he would look at her sometimes and just how fucken creepy he was even though her therapist says she couldn't say that because she didn't know how to say it, and I told her her therapist is right and it takes a lot, a lot, to tell anyone that your dad, your fucken dad, is fucken creepy and looks at you making you feel like shit, and how it took a lot, so much, for her to say that to her mom ever, even if she said it after it got bad, at least she said it and stopped it. And she's really strong for telling anyone, ever, about that shit, and I'm so fucken proud of her, and I'm gonna go see her this weekend to have a girl's night and wash her hair and do her nails and watch movies and eat and be fucken girls, smart, strong girls, like all my friends."

I feel my eyes get watery, nod, and say, "Thank you Lena. Thank you." I feel myself shaking, remember the pinky swear, shake my head, pull away, see her eyes look watery, smile at her, and say, "You're right and I made a pinky swear this morning that I'm not gonna break and I'm not gonna cry over that ever and when I feel bad about it I'm gonna remember that pinky swear, how you told me that whenever I wanna laugh to think about my afro or my family or my friends and now I get to think about a promise I made with really strong women."

I see her smile, reminding me why Phil always blushes when he looks at her, and she says, "You think it's cool if I do something like with my cousin, a pinky swear about not crying about assholes, people we hope rot in jail, that make us feel bad, and being happy and not letting those stupid bad things make her feel like anything, and just thinking about school and how she's on the drill team now, and her friends and family and how much they make her laugh, how much I love her even if we don't see each other cuz she lives far? Do you think we can do a pinky swear on that?"

I exhale, hug her, feel her hug me back, and say into those braids, "Remember what your parents say about how smart you are, you know the answer to that, and remember to bring her to one of your boyfriend's games next season, and we can all go out and eat afterwards." I feel her hug me tighter, feel those tears on my shirt, and I say, "Lena, remember when we cry about that stuff they're taking away our happiness and my sister says they're only worth a dog catcher."

I feel her stop, feel the shaking, hear her laughing, feel my smile, feel her move away, see her wipe the tears away from her face, knowing she also doesn't need makeup and she's that pretty, see that smile, and she says, "You don't lie Jazzy."

I smile and say, "Remember to text me that last video you said you found because I wanna start practicing on those again this weekend." I see her nod with that smile, feeling my happiness seeing her smile, see her turn, and see start walking to her class.

I turn, see him again looking at me, hear the first bell ring, walk up to the door, hear him say hi, give him a small smile, nod, walk in, and feel that hand grab my shoulder. I smile, look over at Ms. Reed, and she says, "Margaret already told me you all came back today but I just wanted to tell you I'm happy you're back and we're having a group activity today."

I start laughing, see her smirk, and she says, "I thought that's how you would react with how strong you are. Take your seat because the first bell rang." I smile, feel her let go of my shoulder, see her walking to the board, and remember the first bell did ring. I exhale, roll my eyes, say, "If you're caught outside after the second bell rings you get marked late if you didn't know or you forgot," and start walking to my desk.

I get to my desk, put my backpack on my desk, sit down, hear the second bell ring, and see him sit down in front of me. I roll my eyes and take out my notebook and pen.

Then I feel my phone vibrate, take it out of my pocket, and look at the text.

_You look really cute today. Do you think I can do that hairstyle even if my hair's shorter and maybe wear a turtleneck next week to?_

I laugh, look back at her, see her smiling at me, and nod.

Then I hear a voice say, "Didn't know we could use phones in class now." I see my friend's pretty eyebrow rise, see her smile, and I start laughing again. I turn around, put my phone back in my pocket, start writing the date on my paper, and hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "Well Michelle, although I hope students do not aim for a high grade in this class simply because of incentives, like being allowed to look at your cell phone once you're done with the day's activities, I would be open to allowing students with an A minus or higher to do so after finishing those activities but the problem with that is that once I do more than likely it will be students that have a lower grade that will look at their cell phones even more than they do already, specifically during group activities, which I do take note of and will be calculated into your final grade next week."

I hear someone inhale, remember we're in class, take my phone out of my pocket, and put in my backpack where I won't feel it.

Then, as I'm copying the agenda on the board, I hear Ms. Reed say, "And since today is the last day before finals week I," I hear the class groan, feel my lips purse, remembering I still want to review the stuff we learned at the beginning of the semester like she told us to, and hear her say, "I understand you're all stressed about that and so I will have you all participate in an open group activity where I want you all to discuss anything you want, hopefully something that has to do with what we've learned in class this semester as long as whatever is discussed does not go against the class codes discussed at the beginning of the semester about respecting everyone in class and of course remembering to write down how everyone contributed."

I exhale, writing the agenda, remembering I am a strong girl, and hear her continue, "And if you were absent at any point and want to make up missed group activity points or simply did not participate at all during one of the activities, I will replace today's participation points with your lowest one."

I hear some exhales, knowing this class is hard and sometimes students don't participate because they don't do the readings or just don't understand what we're learning, so everyone must be happy to get extra points.

Then I hear him say, "How many people in group Ms. Reed?" I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing he's trying, and that's a good thing. I look up at her, see her smiling at Cairo, and she says, "I'll be lenient and allow up to five if you all want."

I hear the footsteps, the desks being moved around, look over, see her sit down next to me, turn my desk to face her, look over, and see Johnny with those light brown eyes, not knowing they were light brown until now. I look back at her, feel my smirk, and she says, "I know but I still miss the glasses." I start laughing, look over at him, see him looking down with that blush and smile, shaking his head.

I ask, "So, contacts now?" I see him look up with those light brown eyes and he says, "Yeah. My father said I should get used to them because we're going to start hiking on the weekends with Mr. and Mrs. Kinziger when it gets warmer." I feel my mouth open, look back at Adah, see her totally red, looking down, and I say, "Your mom and dad?" I see her look up with that blush and smile, see her nod, and I say, "That's awesome!"

I feel those eyes on me, look away, knowing that was loud, feel her grab my hand, and hear her say, "We missed you." I feel my smile, look back at her, and then hear a desk move next to me. I look over to my left, see him writing on his paper, and he says, "I'ma write today."

I feel my mouth open and then close it, seeing her sit down in an extra chair next to him. I close my eyes, feeling her squeeze my hand, and pray that Black Jesus is watching over this class today.

Then I hear Adah say, "Okay, so maybe let's just talk about something that we learned in class." I exhale, knowing she texted me a couple of times to and she knows I had family problems and she's a good friend. I open my eyes, turning to her, see her smiling at me, and I say, "Okay. What topic?"

I hear Johnny say, "Well, I'm not that okay with the Karl Marx stuff, just know a little about him, so can we talk about him more?" I smile, look over at him, nod, and say, "Okay, let's start with the stuff you know."

I see him give me a small smile, out of the corner of my eye see some girls from the group next to us stop talking and just looking at him, and shake my head, knowing he hasn't changed at all, he still looks the same, he's just not wearing his glasses anymore and he does kind of look a little like Clark Kent, but he has a girlfriend. I feel Adah let go of my hand, see her scoot up to him, see her hold his hand, seeing him get so red it's cute, and hear Adah say, "Okay, what do you know?"

I start giggling, see him look away, and he says, "Well, I mean, um." Oh my god. Okay, you're making it worse Jazmine. Stop it. I stop giggling, swallow, and say, "Classes Johnny." I see him nod, still looking away, and he says, "Yeah, thank you. Classes. So, I know he's talking about two classes, like the working class and then the higher class, you know the one that owns the factories where the working class go to work, but it kind of seems like they, you know, work fine, even if one class, the working class, doesn't have as much money as the other class, they at least have jobs working at those factories and can buy things they need, food, clothes, things for their family, so why does Karl Marx think there should be a revolution? Like, I don't know, I still kind of think things were better back when more people gave because they wanted to, people helped more, and it kind of seems in that kind of society things are just okay, everyone has a job, can pay for food and clothes for their family, so why should the working class want a revolution that could lead to war, to make things worse for everyone?"

I nod, remembering Riley saying something about war being bad for business, and hear Cairo say, "Michelle, stop that shit. Your ass don't wanna do classwork fine, just don't bother my ass." I look over at him, see him writing on that paper, look at her, see her inhale, and see her look away.

Then I hear Adah say, "Well." I look over at her, see her looking down at the table with a scrunched forehead and feel my smile seeing Johnny's holding her hand now, and hear her say, "I think it's because Karl Marx said it had to do with power, one class having more power over another class and could keep that class there, not letting those people get better, but just keeping them there, not paying them more even if they needed more money to take care of their families. So, if Ms. Reed did ask about that on the final I was gonna write that the revolution was gonna happen because of power, because that working class was gonna want more power and the higher class wasn't gonna wanna give it to them."

I feel my small smile and hear Cairo say, "Adah, how you spell your last name?" I see her smile and hear Johnny say, "k,i,n,z,i,g,e,r," feel my smile, and hear Michelle exhale, seeing Adah look down with that blush.

Then I hear Cairo say, "Michelle, what you wanna add?" I look up at her, see her looking at me, feeling my eyebrow rise, see her roll her eyes looking away, and she says, "Look Cairo, I'm sorry okay."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Michelle don't bring this shit to class. What you wanna add?" I see her look at him, see her inhale, squint her eyes, and she says, "Why Cairo? You haven't texted or called back since lunch. Why? Because of what she said? I can do all that stuff to. I can. Just be serious with me," and hear Cairo cut her off saying, "Why it always gotta be 'bout money with you'll. Why can I be good 'nough to get my own? Why when I try to, actually fucken try, to take you out anywhere I can take you it ain't good 'nough and you wanna leave to some place I can't even buy for myself? Why, when I told your ass I'd take to see a movie and then pizza after you got all fucken weird, like pizza ain't good 'nough? Why you offer to pay for a nicer place to eat after the movie, like what I was giving you wasn't 'nough? And why you want the other shit, the shit that should be fucken coming later, like that's what you think I want, like I can't want more, just to fucken hang out and do nothing? And then you ask me to be serious with you, when it's been weeks, weeks, and you never asked me to meet your folks, like they won't be cool with you seeing me."

I feel my eyes open, see Michelle exhale, looking at him, and she says, "I will Cairo, but why now? Why can't we just see each other like we do and you can meet them later, you know, when I tell them and kind of, you know, prepare them."

I hear Cairo inhale and hear him say, "Prep 'em for what?" I see Michelle look away and hear her say, "Why don't we talk about this later?" I hear Cairo say, "Nah, you brought this shit up, why you gotta prep 'em?"

I see her inhale, see her look up at me, squint, feeling Adah grab my hand, and she says, "Because some of us don't have families that are that okay with everything."

I feel my exhale and say, "Don't bring me into this Michelle." I see her eyes get big, see her inhale, and she says, "But you are part of it, the reason he won't be serious with other girls, why you took the only black guy most girls at this school could," and I cut her off saying, "Don't Michelle. I will beat you for him."

I see her inhale and she says, "You wanna talk about class, power, money, fine. My family has all that, houses in other countries, where we vacation every year, and where other people cleanup for us when we're there, people that don't have as much money as my family, and my family told me I can date whoever I want in high school but to not take them seriously because we're probably not gonna get married with someone from high school, unless we're the preacher's son, so." I hear her inhale, grab Adah's hand, hearing her exhale, see Michelle smirk at me, and she says, "So don't bother bringing people home to meet them because they won't care, specially if they're not even close to who I'm gonna be with later on, someone that has all that stuff we already have and is probably not bla," and see her stop and close her mouth.

I exhale, remember all the parts I am, how he doesn't care what people think because he's proud of who he is, and I say, "But you had a crush on my boyfriend who is black Michelle." I see her inhale, see her squint her eyes at me, and I say, "And you're right." I see her eyes open, feel my smirk, and say, "My family is okay with everything, black, Jamaican, Japanese, Chinese, Puerto Rican, and lots more because we don't care, my mom's never cared, and I don't care what your family thinks because I know not all families are like that, not all families, white families and other families, care about that stuff, class, money, having the right kind of skin color, some families here just care about people being respectful, honest, and being strong enough to be part of the Woodcrest mafia." And, I hear her laugh, look over at Adah, and start laughing with her.

Then I hear Johnny say, "Yeah, some families don't care Michelle." I stop laughing, look at Michelle, see her looking at Johnny and she says, "I know your family Johnny, my sister." I hear her inhale, grab her hand again, squeezing it, see Michelle smirk at Johnny, and she says, "My sister knows your family and we know they're not as okay with everything as you say they are."

I hear Johnny exhale and hear him say, "You really don't know anything Michelle. You don't," see Michelle open her open, hear Adah say, "Don't interrupt my boyfriend," and feel my smile seeing her close her mouth with pursed lips looking at Adah.

I hear Johnny inhale and hear him say, "Thank you. And yes, you don't know anything Michelle. You don't even know I'm part black." I feel my eyes open, look over at Johnny with those light brown eyes, see him exhale, and he says, "I don't talk about it because I don't think it's fair because I look white, even though my grandmother was completely black, for me to say I'm even part because I never went through any things other people that are black or look part black go through and my father says we shouldn't take credit for what my grandmother went through, specially when she was little and there weren't laws that protected her."

I inhale, feel her squeeze my hand, see Johnny look at me, see him give me a small smile, and he says, "I know there are laws now against discrimination but, specially for girls, when they get bullied over something like how they look, it's just really, really." I see him look down, see him inhale, feel her hand leave me, see Adah grab his hand, see him look up at her, smile, and he says, "It's not fair on girls or anyone but the point is that you're wrong Michelle. Not all white families, specially mine because we do say we're white because we don't wanna take credit for things we don't go through, care about that stuff because some of us have grandparents, aunts and uncles we don't get to see enough because they don't live nearby but we still care about, that are black, with and without money, like my family, who you don't know anything about."

And like the squirrel I can be I say, "You have freckles like me." I see Johnny look at me, see him smile, and he says, "Yeah. My father says I got them from my grandmother." I smile, nod, hear Adah whisper, "So cute," see Johnny get completely red and look away, and I start giggling.

Then I hear Cairo say, "Wonder sometimes if I don't know, everyone got a little black in them." I look back down at my desk, nod, and say, "With the kind of laws or no laws really back then probably a lot of people are connected to a strong black women that went through horrible stuff."

I hear Cairo inhale and hear him say, "Want me to add that for your part since you missed Tuesday?" I inhale. Tuesday. I exhale, feel her grab my hand, look up at Adah, and hear Cairo say my name. I smile at her worried face, look over at him, see him exhale, and I say, "No, that's stuff from a book I'm reading that's not for this class so maybe something else. Um." I look back down at my desk and feel my forehead scrunch, thinking about this week. Monday I was here and found out he wanted custody, Tuesday I went to go see him, Wednesday I stayed home with my family and my boyfriend, and Thursday we went to the ice rink where he started being that affectionate with me, that cuddly, and hasn't stopped and I hope he never stops, never ends, like how Huey will never end. Things ending, like a revolution. The revolution to overthrow the system. I feel my smile come back, feel my eyes open, look up at her, see her smile, and she says, "It's Jazzy's turn."

I giggle, look over at Johnny, see him give me a small smile, and I say, "So about Karl Marx's revolution and why it's important." I see him nod and I say, "Yes, it's true that for a while things don't change because people just kind of are complacent, not asking for more money or more power at work because they can still pay for their family's food and clothes like you said." I see him nod, I look at Adah, and I say, "But after a while, maybe after years of things happening, like food and rent getting more expensive, people will want more money so they can afford that stuff, and those people that are paying them that have all that power will probably not want to give them more because people, some people, are still mean and don't care about other people not having enough, so those people will need to rise up and overthrow that system so they can get the power they need to make those changes in their jobs and feed their families." I exhale, see her smile at me, smile back, look back at Johnny, see him nod, and I say, "And even though it's probably gonna be hard and scary for a little bit, war has to happen, so maybe the kids of those adults can have more later on, and everyone can be better off and have more of the things they need. And I remember Ms. Reed even saying that Karl Marx thought the working class would all get together around the world, here, in Africa, Asia, South America, everywhere, and rise up together and overthrow the whole system, so even though it's gonna be scary because of such a big war, it'll lead to lots of people that are probably not eating right now to have more and that's why the revolution has to happen, it has to."

I feel my smile, seeing Johnny smile at me, seeing how cute he really is with those awesome freckles, and he says, "I think I just heard Huey."

I feel my eyes open, hearing Adah laugh, start laughing with her, and hear Cairo say, "Nah. She learned that here, not from his ass."

I inhale and hear Michelle say, "And now you're defending her to Cairo? Why? Why can't you just move on to someone that actually wants to be with you? Is it because stupid Ashley's right and even though you say right now that you don't want a girl that sleeps with you, that you want more, meeting her parents and all that, what you really want is a girl you think hasn't slept with anyone? And you do know that everyone knows she sleeps," and hear Johnny yell, "Michelle!"

And I hear the clicks of her heels, look up, see Ms. Reed look at Johnny, and she says, "Johnny, why did you yell at Michelle?" I inhale, look back down at Johnny, Adah's boyfriend, Adah who's holding his hand trying to calm him because he never yells or gets in trouble, Adah who texted me while I was missing for three days. I look up at Ms. Reed and say, "Yes Ms. Reed. Um. I'm sorry. I said something I shouldn't have and Johnny got a little excited and was defending Michelle. I'm sorry."

I know that didn't make sense but I couldn't think of anything else to say. I see Ms. Reed look at me, see her eyebrow rise, see her smirk, shake her head, and she says, "Okay. Not another disruption."

I nod, give her a small smile, see her smile back, and walk away.

I hear some exhales and hear Johnny say, "Thanks Jazmine. I shouldn't have yelled and I'll pray when I get home." I look over at him and see him looking down, feeling bad because he's such a nice guy. I start, "Johnny, it's okay," feel her grab my hand, look over at Adah, see her give me a small smile, and she says, "It's okay Jazzy. He's okay."

I exhale, look back at Johnny, see him inhale, see him look over at Michelle, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing that serious look on him, and he says, "I'm only going to say this because your family goes to my church and probably doesn't know this is how you really are." I see Michelle open her mouth and hear Adah say, "Do not interrupt him Michelle." I see Michelle close her mouth, hear Johnny exhale, and hear him say, "Thank you. And I'm going to tell you because I hope you change your ways, but a girl, a good, honest girl doesn't talk about what other girls do, because it only makes other girls feel bad." I feel my eyes open, look back at Johnny, see him looking at Michelle, and he says, "I've met too many nice women at my church that did those things, bad things, sinful things, sometimes for money, sometimes because they had to, to take care of their families, even if I'm not okay with that stuff, and they always told me how nice it was that my father was raising me to respect them even if they had done those things in the past and how the worse part about that life they lived before they did change their ways was when other women would treat them badly, like they were dirty and wouldn't help them, because they did those things before. They told me how men treating them like that was bad, but other women treating them like they were dirty was even worse, specially when those things weren't true and were just made up by some bad, unrepentant woman that was sometimes doing even more sinful things."

I feel my mouth open and hear Michelle say, "Are you saying I'm worse than her?" I exhale, feel that hand squeeze my hand, see Johnny exhale, and he says, "I think everyone knows what kind of girl Jazmine is, how we only ever saw her hanging out with her sister or Huey, and how she's only had one boyfriend, just like my girlfriend."

I can't help it, feeling my smile, knowing for sure I'm really lucky, and hear Cairo say, "For real?" I look over at him, see that look, look down at his paper, and say, "Did you write anything for yourself?"

I hear him exhale and I say, "Okay." I grab his paper from him, write down his name, and hear him say, "Um, I don't know, sorry." I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at him, see him looking at me with a weird look, and hear Adah say, "Well, you did write all of that for us so how about you just talk about what you learned with us today and we'll write it down?"

I look over at her, see her giving me a small smile, smile at her, and nod. I look down at that paper and hear Cairo say, "A'ight, so the two classes for Karl Marx…."

* * *

I exhale, knowing all of that was just too much. I look up, see him get up and say, "Johnny?" I see him look at me, see him give me small smile, and I say, "Thank you everything you said and I'm really happy you two are dating."

I see his smile get bigger, see him blush, and he says, "Thanks Jazmine. Same goes to you and Huey."

Then I feel that hug, hug her back, and whisper, "Thank you for all those texts Adie. I promise I'm okay today." I feel her pull away, see her smile, and she says, "Okay because you look a lot better, happier today." I smile and nod, see her grab Johnny's hand, seeing him blush even more, and see them walk to the back of the class.

I exhale, tired but happy, and look down at all those notes, with those two lines she wrote herself at the bottom of the page after no one wanted to just 'write some stuff' for her. I mean by then no one was even answering her when she would talk.

Then I hear, "So what, now that you know that you're gonna want her even more? Just be with me, why can't you see I'd be good to you…."

I exhale, put my pen in my backpack, zip it up, grab the paper, walk to the back of class, and see Adah and Johnny walking out through the backdoor. I go around the back row, walk back up to the front to Ms. Reed's desk, put the paper down on her desk, and hear her say, "Thank you Jazmine for what you did for Johnny. He's too hard on himself." I look up at her, smile, nod, and say, "He's also a really good guy so I had to." I see her laugh, see her nod, and tell her I'll see her on Monday.

I walk to the front door, push it open, see that sunlight shining on the staircase, happy we're going to see pops who's picking us up at the front of school and taking us to the nursing home and the shelter.

And then I see that afro moving up the staircase, not knowing how he made it here so fast when his class is in another building, but knowing I'm going to kiss that boy that's been my one and only boyfriend as soon as we're alone.

Then I feel a hand grab my wrist, feel my eyebrow rise, twist out of it, turn around, stepping back, knowing it wasn't a guy's hand, and see her looking at me, squinting her eyes at me. I exhale and say, "Don't ever touch me."

I see her exhale with pursed lips and she says, "Why did you come back?" I exhale, look up, see him get to us, see him turn to her, and hear him say, "The fuck's wrong with your ass? She ain't do shit to you. I just don't wanna be with you no more."

I inhale, turn around, see those dark burgundies again, feeling my smile, take a step, see those eyebrows lower, and feel that hand on my shoulder and her nails going into my skin. I close my eyes, hear Cairo yell at her, and know I'm tired, tired of these dumb girls that blame me for stuff that's not my fault, stuff I don't even know about, and I'm stronger than they think. So, I grab that hand on my shoulder, squeeze it as hard as I can, hearing her scream, feel her nails come out of my skin, twist her palm up, hearing her curse, and let go of her hand.

I start walking again, hearing her cursing and calling me names, see him get to me, smile up at him, go up, kiss that chin, feeling a little stubble now, making me happy, hear him inhale, see those burgundies looking at me shoulder, and I say, "Huey, look at me."

I see those eyes look at me, smile at him, and say, "Important things. Let's go bestie."

I see him exhale, see him look behind me, see him inhale, see that look, and some kind of exchange with someone behind me, the talking without talking the guys do sometimes. I see him focus on something, see him move up, put my hand on that hard stomach, and say, "Bestie no."

I see him look down at me, hearing that cursing from her and those dumb names she's calling me behind me, see that mouth open, move up, and kiss those soft lips, smelling that breath from him.

I move away, see him look down at me with those eyelids a little lower, and I say, "I don't know what you said right now but just know that he did try to stop her. And I'm a lot stronger than they think. Now let's go."

I see him exhale, grab his hand, feel him put his fingers through mine, not caring what that girl is saying behind me, and walk ahead of him, pulling him, knowing I need to take care of him, and I'm a strong girl. And he lets me.

* * *

I exhale and close my eyes. Fuck. I should have killed him that night, or the day after, or any other damn day this week. And then there's the fucken idiot from today that I need to beat again and I could go take care of right now. But, I do not want to be away from her until I know she's statistically, empirically, factually safe and I also cannot be at two places at the same time. Damn it.

I hear his footsteps, open my eyes, look up from the screen, see him leaning on the doorframe, and exhale.

I see him walk in and feel my eyebrow rise seeing him grab the chair I need to remember to take back to the garage, but I like when she sits on it while she reads because she doesn't want to disrupt the numerous books, articles, my laptop, and everything else I have on my bed.

I see him put the chair next to the bed, sit down, see him look at me, and he says, "That crazy fool gone?" I exhale, look back down at the screen with several opened windows, some of which have been a waste of time, some that have not, nod, and say, "He made an outgoing call an hour ago from outside the county but hasn't used any of his or that woman's credit cards to check into a hotel."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I know you're still angry boy." I look at him, see him nod, and he says, "And with good damn reason but after you make sure he is gone, you keep giving her that life, and you let this go."

I inhale and say, "Grandad, it's not that easy, he could've been," but he cuts me off with, "I know Huey and how do you think us grownups feel?"

I exhale, see him look away, and hear him say, "Especially when we're supposed to be taking care of you kids, taking care of those girls."

I inhale, seeing the tears at the corner of his eyes, and see him look down. I say, "Grandad are you," but he cuts me off with, "Huey."

I exhale and hear him say, "I've lived a long damn life and I've seen things, heard of things that I don't ever want you boys or those girls knowing about, going through, just cuz of some fucken crazy damn fool that should'a been put away a long time ago. A fool like the one I let into this house, let be around my two grandsons, and then let him leave back to that house with Sarah and."

I see him stop, hear him inhale, and hear him say, "I knew he was crazy, knew there was something damn off and I didn't do a damn thing about it, just let him leave back to their house."

I inhale, knowing the feeling of guilt too well at this point in my life, and hear him say, "She reminds me of my doctor appointments, brings over groceries sometimes because she says she knows we're running out and doesn't want me worrying, and opens my damn mail for me to remind me to pay a bill."

I exhale, remembering Jazmine gets it from Sarah, and hear him say, "I should'a protected her and."

I see him stop, hear him inhale looking down, and I look back at the window on the screen where I can see that soft afro in their living room, sitting on the left end of their couch with Sarah on the right end and her sister laying between them watching a movie I see no point in but I like seeing her laugh, seeing her happy. I also know she's wearing those purple pants she says she's comfortable in that she's also worn when she trains using one of my shirts, showing me how strong those legs are, how smooth that stomach is but not weak, like the rest of her, toned in every place she needs to be to be a capable fighter, and still, she's soft. And she's strong.

I exhale and say, "She doesn't want to be treated like she's anything but strong." I inhale and say, "And I listened to that entire recording." I exhale, focused on that soft afro, knowing if I don't I'll consider leaving to find him again, like I did fifteen minutes ago, and say, "And I heard the frustration." I inhale, see her put her hand on her mother's shoulder, and I say, "The fucken frustration about going to a state where he said he would have her homeschooled, homeschooled so no one could ever touch her, waiting for her to turn that age, that fucken lunatic said, and no one would ever know she was his daughter, but rather a friend of the family that moved in once she got older, when she turned eighteen, after having her locked in his fucken house, in some room like a prisoner, for those two years until she became an adult, in a fucken state, a fucken community of people that wouldn't question any of it, any of it, because all they would see would be girl, an eighteen-year-old girl that accepted their customs and would be married to a fucken lunatic that," and I feel him touch my hand.

I inhale, look over at him, see him looking at me with that look I've seen on my brother when he's looked at her sister or Jazmine, and he says, "Does cutie pie know this?"

I exhale that worry, look back at the screen, seeing that soft afro move with her giggle, knowing my brother's monitoring the cameras at the other end of their house right now from his phone, and I trust him.

I look back at him and say, "Based on how long it took her to answer him when he was talking about that I believe she went into shock and she didn't hear that." I inhale, remembering when she asked about what was in that state, knowing I would've told her more, but I knew telling her more wasn't necessary with how aware she is, and she didn't need to go through more that night, and I'm still going to kill him.

I feel him move his hand away, see him sit back on the chair, see him look away, and hear him say, "Huey." I exhale, see him look back at me, reminding me she said I look like my father so I must resemble my grandfather, and he says, "You better tell cutie pie."

I inhale and say, "Grandad, she doesn't need to know any of that," but he cuts me off inhaling and saying, quieter, "Huey."

I exhale and he says, "Remember how long I've lived boy." I feel my eyebrows lower, exhale longer, not seeing how long he's lived correlates to what we're talking about, not liking being confused, especially when it's about her damn it, and he says, "Remember I've lived a long time and seen things, some damn fucked up things boy, horrible things good people, kids had to go through not just cuz of some dumb nigga's fault but because of things some crazy ass fool did to them, things that happen to them when they were kids, little Huey. And then those kids growing up to be mad at the damn world, at themselves, hurting others and themselves because they didn't deal with that shit when they should'a, when it happened, not talking about it, not wanting to know 'bout it sometimes, and sometimes, sometimes, because of a selfish damn person that should'a told them what happened, what really happened to them, so at least those things could'a been taken care of, talked about, when they happened, and not later, when that person was a grownup, a man or woman with their own kids, and didn't know why they were that damn mad, why they'd beat their kids the way they did and I'm talking about real beatings Huey, not the ass whooping I gave you and your brother, but real beatings, beatings little kids didn't know why they were getting, not knowing it's cuz their mama went through something horrible when she was little, never talked about it, sometimes didn't even know what really happened when she was little, would just start beating that little girl for no damn reason, only telling her when she was on her damn deathbed that she beat her like that cuz she'd have memories of things she didn't understand, things she tried talking to her own mother 'bout but she'd tell her that those things didn't happen, even though damn it they did, and then growing up to be a horrible mother to your grandma."

I see him inhale, see his eyes water, grab his hand, and I say, "Grandad."

I see him exhale, see him blink, see him look at me, focus, and he says, "I'm fine boy, but tell her. Don't let her have those memories of whatever that crazy fool said to her, even if it didn't happen or he was just talking to talk crazy nonsense."

I inhale, knowing where my stance comes from, but it's still Jazmine, and she says she's strong, but she was broken for years, her life was broken for so long, with me doing not a damn thing about it, and she just found out about another reality to that broken mess, and I don't want to break that vibrant spirit, I never have.

I exhale, let go of his hand, and say, "Grandad, I need to think about this." I see him exhale through his nose, feeling my eyebrow rise, thinking about what other damn qualities I get from my father's family that I've been to dense to see, and he says, "You say she's strong, she wants to be treated like she's strong, then you tell her boy, and don't wait. You tell her everything 'bout what you heard so she can know it all. And then."

I see him exhale again, relieved almost, and he says, "She'll know he was that damn crazy that he was gonna lock her up to keep her away from everyone, more than likely knew he was the one that would try something because that's all the crazy fool could think of and he had to lock her up to keep her away from himself, so that means he really didn't do anything to her but still that's all he could think of, fucken crazy fool. And after you tell her I want you to know one thing for yourself boy."

I nod, being reminded after that crash this is the only father I will ever have and knowing I wouldn't have it any other way, and he says, "I'm allowing you, hear me Huey, hear me well, I'm allowing you to beat that fool to death if you ever see him again."

I feel my smirk, feel myself nod, and say, "Thanks Grandad." I see him nod, see him get up, and I exhale and say, "Grandad, where's your cane? You need it for support."

I see his eyebrow rise, feel my eyebrows lower, knowing that damn look my brother gets, and he says, "Don't need that thing after Ms. Lola's visits no more."

I close my eyes, not wanting to know that much about his sex life, exhale through my nose annoyance, hear him laughing, cackling that cackle only Grandad has as he's walking away, and hear him say, "Boy."

I open my eyes, see him get to the doorframe, facing the hallway, and hear him say, "I don't say it enough, but know I am proud of how you both ain't niggas and got that strong Freeman blood in you, least more than your dumbass cousins, and 'nough of that blood in you that I don't worry 'bout you two when I leave to be with your grandma."

I inhale, not being ready to have this conversation, not right now. I can't think about that right now. I need to focus on protecting her from fucken disgusting imbeciles I'm going to kill, and I can't think about that eventuality right now.

I exhale, see him take that step without his damn cane, and hear him say, "Don't be thinking you gonna get rid of me yet boy. First I wanna least have few more years with a good woman that wants to take care of me, be able to run around butt naked in this house with her when you'll leave to college, and."

I inhale, never having been uncomfortable with the human body unless it has to do with remembering Grandad making us take those damn pictures of him for his Facebook account, and I hear him say, "And I wanna see the next Freeman blood still and you remembering what family you belong to, both you knuckleheads not being as stubborn no more, and you'll being careful now so you can have babies when you ready, when you'll have a place of your own to give 'em a good upbringing in a nicer neighborhood, a better education, just more of anything you all wanna give them, gives me hope I'm gonna get that, and that I ain't gotta worry that you both gonna be happy like they wanted you to be. But don't think 'bout that yet boy, just make sure to do what you can right now, starting with treating her like she said and not waiting to think 'bout what you gotta tell her."

I exhale, feel myself nod, hear him say, "Good," feel my smirk and my eyebrow rise, seeing him walk into the hallway, knowing he's not looking at me and could not see me nod, and hear him say, "Least not as stubborn as his big-headed self used to be."

I exhale through my nose, look back at the screen, seeing her mother and sister exchanged places on their couch, and know regardless of his faults, which he has many of, he's our grandfather, a father to my brother and I for the last six years, possibly longer than that, he's one of those few men I respect, and seeing that blonde afro move with her giggle, remember he said he wants to see the next Freeman blood, feeling that deep feeling of something, not sure what that something is, and feel my smirk turning into that thing that soft afro likes.

And, I exhale, seeing her put that heavy head on their couch, knowing he's right about what I have to do. Shit.

* * *

I feel that 'T' on my stomach. I inhale. Thurgood Marshall, head of the NAACP legal team that led to the outlawing of segregated public schools. A U.S. black attorney. One of the few at that point. And, he was just another black attorney, at least what a large population of this country thought, and helped giving black children access to desegregated public education, which was then followed by many more changes. Just another U.S. black attorney. I feel my smirk and ask, "I'm going to defend someone that girl attacks and will win that case?"

I feel her stop on 'W' for W.E.B. Du Bois again, who had some problems with the NAACP over those beliefs in desegregating public schools because he felt black children would be better off being taught in black schools by black teachers, strong educated black men and women. I feel that thick strong afro move over my arm, see her look up at me, see those greens shine with only the light from that small lamp, see that smile, and she says, "Yes, because you're gonna be a big attorney or maybe something bigger, way bigger, and remember, I know you through and through, and you're gonna win that case because you do everything with purpose and you're a good person."

I go down, taste those lips, and remember that unrealistic optimism, that hope, possibly, maybe, the reason her lips taste the way they do, as unscientific as that is, that hope that fucken imbecile, all of those fucken idiots, and myself weren't able to destroy. That fucken disgusting imbecile.

I feel her move away, see that worried look, and she says, "You're too warm. What's wrong?"

I inhale, know this is another one of those conversation that has to happen because of those particles that exists and need to exists in order for humans to exists, for those freckles to exists, the ones I will be counting in the morning, the ones she lets me count because she trust me, and I trust that she's strong. I exhale and say, "I didn't." I stop, see that smile, see her move in, feel that peck, closing my eyes just for a few seconds, gathering those thoughts, feel her move away, and hear her say, "Whatever it is, know you'll always be my best friend."

I exhale, open my eyes, see that small smile, and say, "I didn't tell you everything that was on that recording." I see that fine eyebrow rise and she says, "But you didn't have to tell me anything, I was there bestie."

I inhale, exhale, and say, "You were physically there but went into shock." I see those eyes open, see her exhale, look down, and see that fear. I move in, over that afro, hug that lower back, looking at that window, knowing there are two cameras half a foot down on each side of that window, and say, "I watched the video Jazmine and he didn't touch you because if he would have he would be dead right now, whether or not you had given me permission. Do you understand that?"

I feel her move into me, feel her nod, and I exhale. I feel that long arm go around my torso and hear her say, "Can you tell me, please?"

I exhale and say that selfish truth, "It's one thing to know it, talk about it, with you being in a separate room where I know where you are and not knowing the precise location of that piece of shit." I exhale, feel that kiss on my chest, and say, "It's completely different to have you next to me and know exactly where he checked in an hour ago, where I could be in a few hours, so just don't move for the next few minutes." I feel those fingers drawing over my shirt, on my back.

I exhale, focus on those drawings, and say, "It has to do with Utah." I feel her shaking and hold her, focused on that window. I feel her nod and hear her say, "Please continue."

I feel myself nod and start, "I believe when you went into shock is when he said…"

* * *

I feel that heart on my back, exhale longer than I know I have in the last ten minutes of discussing that, her asking questions, and me answering them, having that 'feeling' of curiosity with how she keeps surprising me with her strength.

I feel that kiss on my chest over that organ and hear her say, "I think I get why my mom said she would've killed him." I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale at how much that Jazmine head still doesn't see things, and hear her say, "I know, I know, bestie. I was sure my mom would've killed him for me or my sister, but." I exhale that annoyance, hear her giggle, bring her in, wanting to feel her on my chest again, and hear her say, "But my mom's never talked like that, saying she would kill anyone, and I think it was probably because of that recording because I really hadn't talked to her and my sister alone since that day, after we came home and they just let me sleep and wouldn't leave me alone, so." I feel her exhale, feeling those breasts move over my chest, and hear her say, "I think it was the next day that they listened to it and just didn't wanna tell me to not worry me and why they've been like that, so sad." I hear her inhale and hear that voice say, "I knew with how my mom's such a good attorney she probably sent that recording to Lieutenant Saunders without listening to it so Judge Banks and him could have it right away, so." I exhale, remembering that was taken care of as soon as we got home on Sarah's insistence and my wanting to focus on anything but going back to that precinct, and hear her say, "So because of how they were both acting the day after, when I woke up to you reading next to me." I feel that kiss on my neck, inhale, and hear her say, "And just how they were acting really sad and crying more, even though they were trying to hide it from me, and just how sad they were this morning and what they both said, I think they listened to it the day after, when I was sleeping, didn't tell me, and just got really sad."

I exhale, remembering what my brother said, remember it's none of my business but both Leo and my brother have slept in this house since that day, know I'm hugging her too tightly, but she's mine, not caring how this selfish world works, whether people belong to each other or not, and hear her say, "So, this morning was the first time we all talked alone, after they had listened to it, and we made that promise to not let him hurt us anymore."

I see the streetlights finally turn off, understand it's late, but I trained yesterday, while my brother stayed with them and she spent time with her mother and sister after being at that ice rink, know we will not be waking up tomorrow at any specific time, and feel relaxed, enough I hardly care what time it is, regardless of the fucken imbeciles of this world, solely because she put those legs over me and those hands on my back forty-five minutes ago, after they were done watching two movies, and I knew two people had checked into that hotel outside of this county, in the direction of New York, using that woman's credit card. And so, I do not care how late it is. And, she's strong. And I can close my eyes.

I exhale, closing them, feel that hand on my neck, hear that giggle, and say, "Jazmine." I feel that hand move away, feel that face move over my chest with that laugh, exhale longer, much longer, and hear her say, "I like you at this temperature."

I inhale, squeeze the skin over that back, and say, "Fine."

I hear her inhale and hear that voice say, quieter, "I know you're tired, but can I ask you another question bestie?"

I exhale, wanting to tell her I'm relaxed not tired, and say, "Mmm?"

I hear her exhale, feel those breasts move up, remember I feel relaxed, and hear her say, "What made you wanna tell me about that stuff?" I feel my eyes open, adjusting to the dark room, knowing that lamp turned off a few seconds ago because of that timer I connected to the plug, knowing how she sometimes forgets to turn it off. I inhale, remember that conversation, where I get my stance and possibly many other qualities from, and say, "Grandad."

I hear that long exhale, knowing that exhale, that worry, and say, "If you don't want me to tell Gran," but she cuts me off with, "Huey, don't be silly, I'm his cutie pie, you can tell him anything."

I exhale and say, "Then why," but she cuts me off again with, "I just don't wanna worry him, he's." I hear her inhale, feel that hand drawing on my back, feel that star on my lower right side, exhale longer, and hear her say, "He's Grandad and I know when he talks about hard stuff he, you know." I feel that chest move up again, and hear say, "He gets a little excited and it's not okay for him."

I nod and say, "He did become agitated but there were other things we discussed, so it wasn't exclusively about that."

I exhale, knowing even more so now, like that museum, there are facets, layers, to both families, one I am connected to, the other only by trivial things, like blood relation, but both have layers, some dark, criminal, tainted with selfish greed and murder, others with sickness, sickness that possibly colored their children's lives, but from what I remember, not to an extent that affected her children, my father.

I hear her inhale, feel that kiss in the middle of my chest, and hear her say, "Okay bestie, whatever else you talked about with Grandad you don't have to tell me and I just hope it wasn't hard stuff. We'll just go get him the orange juice he likes tomorrow okay. Night big hair."

I inhale, remember we're in this room, this house, what we both said that day, that I would try for her, she would tell me when things from the last few years came up for her and would not pressure me to do the same because it was different for me, and she's done all of that. And aside from my girlfriend, she's also my best friend, regardless of how childish I thought it was that she called me that, knowing how rare that is in this world.

I exhale that worry of judgement, if that's what it is, because aside from those insignificant titles because what matters is actions and not titles, she's also Jazmine, and just as sure as I am black, Jazmine has never been judgmental. I inhale, seeing those particles with the moonlight coming through those curtains, and say, "He also talked about my grandmother." I feel her stop drawing that circle or possibly an oval on my back.

I exhale, remembering everything she knows about both families, knowing she must be confused about which family I'm talking about, and say, "My grandmother, the one who," but she cuts me off with, "Huey you only had one."

I inhale, exhale, and say another selfish truth for the night, "I'm not tired, I'm relaxed, and I want to tell you more."

I hear that inhale from her, hearing those small slow breaths start, hear her swallow, and hear that voice say, quieter, "Yes bestie, please continue."

I feel my smirk becoming that thing she likes, know that feeling in my stomach, nod, and start, "I believe, based on what he said about my grandmother's mother, she…."

* * *

I feel that face move over my chest and hear that voice say, "Thank you." I nod, feel her move away, feel that hand that was drawing on my back move away, and I look down.

I see those bright greens looking up at me and she says, "I know I said this already, but if you ever, ever, wanna talk about your family, the family you come from, or other people or Chicago or DuSable or any other places there or the revolution to overthrow the system, I'll always be here, ready to go past the second light post and a lot farther."

I exhale, focus on those eyes, and say, "There's very little information about my family or her in particular other than what Grandad gives us, some medical records with the diagnosis of cancer and day and time of death, but." I see those eyes water, shake my head at her feeling anything for a woman she never met, regardless of how motherly I do remember she was with us, feel my smirk, and say, "If I find more that's noteworthy about my family I'll consider discussing it with you and."

I see that smile, feel my smirk get bigger knowing she's having whatever assumptions she is, and say, "If you have questions I can answer, I will also consider answering them."

I see those greens open, see the entire circular green, see that mouth open, the color of that tongue, feel myself focus on that color, see her move up, feel that kiss, exhale, closing my eyes, knowing I'm not tired and couldn't give two shits what time it is, and feel those lips move away.

I exhale through my nose, feel those hips, the warmth she is move away, open my eyes, see her get up from the bed, say, "Jazmine, what are you," and stop, seeing her almost trip over that chair in front of her desk, move it out of the way, and kneel down to her desk bottom drawer.

I start, "Jazmine," and stop, hearing her close that drawer, seeing her stand up, holding a pink book, see her turn around in those bright white soft shorts, swaying back towards me, feeling my mouth open. I see her sway over to my side in those shorts, wanting to pull her down, and stop, seeing her lean down and pull the string under that small lamp.

I feel my eyes adjust to the brightness of the light, start again, "Jazmine," and stop, feeling those hips and that ass sit next to my leg, next to my hand, where I could grab them, and see her take out a small pen from a holder connected to that book. I see her open that book to a page marked by a cloth bookmark connected to that same book, and hear her say, "So, I have questions but you don't have to answer any of them, just whatever you want."

I feel my mouth open possibly more seeing the reflection of that light in those greens reading whatever is on that page, go down that face, see that long neck framed by those thick curls, those smooth shoulders, and then focus on those three small scratches on that shoulder, small enough to be the size of a girl's fingernails, a girl I have no say in but the fucken idiot that was the reason for those scratches and I need to beat for being the cause of. I feel that hand touch my hand.

I look up, see that worried look, see her smile, and she says, "I'm okay bestie and next time I'll slap her, but we had important things to do, lot more important than her."

I exhale, focus, aware I need to focus before I consider leaving to go find that fucken idiot, feel my eyebrow rise, remember what she just said, and say, "Fine, but." I see that smile again, shake my head, and ask, "Exactly how many questions do you have?"

I see that smile get possibly bigger, feel her move that hand away, see her look back at that book, see her turn that page over, see those eyes move over to the next page, and she says, "Forty-eight, but remember bestie, you don't have to answer them just whatever you want, if you want."

I see those eyes look at me, see that tint over those freckles, and she says, "I'm sorry bestie, I get excited and you know what happens, but we can do this another day, because I know you're a little tired after school and working and I know you probably went through your emails so," but I cut her off with, "How do you know I went through my emails?"

I see that smile, the one that does belong to me, and she says, "I know your schedule bestie and on Fridays after we get home and do homework and I leave to come spend time with my mom and sister, you go through your emails because you're really busy all week with school and the shelter and Grandad and just everything you do and that's the only day you can look at your emails. Oh, did you finally get to that email from Mr. Jones?"

Damn it Huey focus and stop thinking about that damn feeling in your stomach. I inhale and say, "Yes, I replied to his email and told him to go ahead with the soundtrack as long as my name's not on it and did you say forty-eight?"

I see her nod with that smile, see that tint cover her entire face, and she says, "Yes, but only if you wanna answer them and it's mostly about your mom and dad after I took out the questions about Aunt Cookie since I can just ask her when we go see her again but if it's too much it's okay because I don't wanna push you," and put my hand on that hip, bring her in, feel that book on my chest, and kiss those lips, knowing I believe in science, but even science has not led to definite answers in all areas, specifically if hope can make lips taste like hers.

I kiss those lips one more time, knowing we still have tomorrow, and she wants to know about them, at least however much I know, move away, see those eyes open, see that hope in them still, and know we have time to figure out those other things, including that feeling I have right now in my stomach.

I exhale and say, "It's not too much, ask, but let's get through half today, and bring that book with you when you stay over tomorrow night."

I see those eyes water, inhale, see that smile, those eyes shine, possibly, as unrealistically as it is, because I just made her happy, see her look down at that book with those eyes with that water and shine, knowing I'm going to bite her lower lip once this conversation is done, and she says, quieter than before, "Okay bestie. First one is..."

* * *

Okay, for sure, last year I'm Christmas shopping. I laugh, put my arms around her waist, lay my head on that shoulder, hear her laugh, and hear that sweet deep voice say, "Sissy okay, okay, I let you be tired this once, kay." I exhale, close my eyes, smelling that lotion I love, and hear her say, "You's okay Jazzy boo?" I smile and say, "Better than okay, so much better. I have you and mom and Huey and everyone and I'm not going to think about anything but you and them, how Huey and me talked all weekend, how I don't need the stuff I used to when I was little, I'm not lonely anymore, because you and mom and everyone knows everything, I can talk to you and our friends about anything, I know I have the best cuddle-bunny-sister in the world that hasn't cried for three days, and." I stop, feeling those small, strong hands over my hands, and say, "And we know mom and pops are being forced to spend time together at least two blocks away, and." I stop, feeling her shaking with her giggle, go up, kiss the side of her head, lay my head back on that shoulder, close my eyes again, and say, "I know you're happy with how cuddly you let me be with you now so I don't need anything else to be okay, to be happy."

I hear her exhale and hear her say in that small voice, "Okay sissy, cuz I gotta, wanna tell you some'ng Riles and I did last night." I open my eyes, sit up, see her turn that pretty face to me, and I say, "Sissy, did you?" I see her eyes open, see her get completely red, and she says, "Nah sissy not that." I exhale and say, "Okay, just remember, if you guys do," but she cuts me off saying, "I knows, I knows sissy, he got protection just in case and shit but I." I see her stop, see her look away, and I say, "Sissy, it's okay." I see her exhale, see her look back at me, and see that cute red face that makes me think of when we met when we were both ten, well she was nine, almost ten.

I see her smile and she says, "I knows, when it happens it'll happen and shit, just, you know, kinda wanna do it I 'on't know, maybe least when we both like, the same age and shit."

I feel my mouth open and say, "So, like when he turns our age next month?" I see her exhale, see her look away, and see her nod. I feel my smile and say, "Sissy."

I see her look back at me, see those ocean blue eyes, and know even if he is like my little brother, I know he's really lucky, and I say, "I love you, everything about you, remember that."

I see her twist her lips, see those eyes get a little watery, and she says, "I love you to sissy."

I feel my smile and then, like the squirrel I can be, I feel my forehead scrunch and say, "But what did you and Riley do last night?"

I see her smile, see those eyes shine a little, feeling my heart get so happy, and she says, "Wells, middle of the night or in the morning, don't really know, Riles woke my ass up and tol' me he wanned to show my ass something, so I got up, ready to change, thinking we were gonna go the courts or some'ng and then he tol' me to just put on one of his old sweaters over my pj's cuz we ain't going far, put it on, put my shoes on, and then he took my ass downstairs to the garage."

I see her smile get bigger, see her get super red, see her look down, feeling my smile at how cute she is, and she says in that small voice, "We walk in and on the table where they sometimes keep tools and shit, I see two of them lil' tripods with white boards on 'em and two little um, think Riles calls 'em pallet boards, two of 'em pallet boards with paint already there so we could use to paint," I see her inhale and hear her say, "Paint together and shit."

I feel my smile get bigger, see her look up at me, see her exhale with that smile, and says, "We painted and shit and then he." I see her stop, see her look away with pursed lips, and she says, "Tol' my ass he wanned to remind me that he don't see them hoes at school, been wanning to do that, paint and shit with me, that he ain't never paint that with another girl befor' my ass, said some other stuff 'bout his family to, where he thinks the talent comes from, and." I see her exhale and hear that small voice say, "Wanned to say sorry, he was really fucken sorry, for not being there and shit, when shit was bad, being wherever the fuck he was when I would call and his ass wouldn't pick 'til next day."

I see her look back at me, see her give me that small pretty smile only she has, and she says, "Tol' his ass if he didn't make up for it befor' he did that night and it don't even matter cuz I know him, I know Riles, and I knew his dumbass was at them parties or with those two doing stupid shit, he be calling me next day, and it's really alright cuz I wasn't alone them nights cuz when I called your butt you always pick up and just talk to me and he just gotta think 'bout how everything's cool now, we together now, doing cool ass shit, not just balling, but like painting together, and I got what I deserve, the best and what I want, and then." I see that smile with that cute blush, making me want to giggle, and she says, "I sat on his lap and made his ass teach me how to draw them lil' trees the right fucken way."

I see her exhale with that small smile, see those cute red cheeks, and she says, "Think boy's getting mushy on my ass and I'm alright with it."

I can't help it and start giggling, closing my eyes, and hug her, feeling her hug me back, and hear her whisper, "So, we both talk to those two this weekend, said some shit, and I knows you happy cuz I can feel it, you and mama tell me none of that shit from this week matters, I knows none of that shit got to you, cuz we better than that shit, that stupid shit that don't matter, stupid fucken people that don't mater, those hoodrats I'ma slap every time they talk shit, that stupid bitch school told us touched you and you telling us not to fuck up cuz you letting her live, and," I laugh, feel her kiss my shoulder, knowing I didn't want her to know to not worry her about dumb things but she has too many friends at school, some that saw it happen, feel my exhale, and hear her say, "And with our lil' family, Riles, McHater, and every fucken person that be family to us, we both gonna keep fucking up the world and being happy, chilling with our crew and those two stubborn ass guys, cuz it gotta be like that, cuz that's how we both be happy, and I can't be happy if you ain't."

I inhale, close my eyes, feels the tears, letting them come out, nod into that shoulder, that hair that I cried into all those nights, and say, "You're right sissy and remember we're also stronger than that stuff, stronger than they all think, and I can't be happy if you're not because you're my every everything and my little sister." I feel her hug me tighter, feeling those tears on my shoulder, knowing even though she is my little sister, I feel so safe with her hugging me, and then I feel another set of arms on each one of my sides, smell that vanilla and lavender lotion, feel another tear going down my cheek, feeling so safe and happy, and hear Ming say, "You letting us fuck her up Jazzy?" I hear us all laughing and hear Lauren's voice say, "She is a sata Jazzy so we can put her on the list right?"

Oh my god. I start laughing harder, hear us all laughing, and know, for sure, no matter what, things always, always work out because Black Jesus is always watching.

Then I hear a lady's voice say, "Of course you can't sit on his lap. He's not even white. How do they hire these kinds of people here?"

I feel my friends and sister pull away, look at my sister, see that smirk, and hear Lauren's voice say, "Wanna give another speech Cin Bear?"

I see that smirk turn into that evil cute smirk, how pretty she is, how grandma is going to meet her in person, kind of, because of that warm brain when she gets that awesome big iPhone this week, but grandma does like her pictures to, feel my eyebrow rise, see that confused look on that pretty face, feel my smirk, and look over the balcony at the first floor of the mall.

I see him in that chair, hear my sister call me 'Jazzy boo', and I say, "You know, I think grandma would really like to meet our friends sissy and we could all keep copies."

I hear Ming's voice say, "I want copies of all of 'em to put all over my room!" I smile, look over at her, see her jumping up and down with those long layers, start laughing, and hear Lauren say, "And I wanna send some to my grandparents!" I see her run up to Ming, start jumping up and down with her with that dark hair that's below her shoulders now because I asked her to let it get a little longer, feel my heart get too big for words, nod, and say, "Okay! Let's go!"

I grab my bags full of gifs, get up, see them all getting their bags from the floor, and hear a voice from school call my name.

I look over to my right, feel my eyes get big, give him a small smile, and say, "Hi Cairo."

I hear my sister and friends inhale, see him inhale, giving me that look, see him nod, and he says, "How you," see him stop, see him swallow, see him exhale, and he says, "You a'ight?"

I feel my mouth open, exhale, nod, smile for real, remembering I am, and say, "I am. Thanks for asking. And thanks for trying to stop her." I see him nod, see him looking at me, and I say, "Okay, well we gotta go. Good luck on finals." I turn and then hear him say, "Jazmine, 'bout finals."

I stop, look back at him, nod, see him exhale, and he says, "Just lot'a shit to study. You know what we gotta be studying for class?" I feel my smile, see him exhale, and I say, "Ms. Reed said to just focus on the first five weeks of class so from the beginning up to space-race intersection and the only two authors we learned about those weeks were Karl Marx and Max Weber, so like try to look at their main points okay?"

I see give me a small smile and feel my eyebrow rise seeing him blush. What's happening? Then I hear another guy's voice say, "Cindy I."

I look over, see Dewey looking at my sister, see him inhale, and he says, "Been wanting to say sorry for, you know, shit that happened, but you, you always with someone."

I feel my eyes open realizing, hearing him talk again, that Dewey talks pretty properly I think. I hear my sister exhale and hear her say, "Cuz I'm always with ma man. I know."

I see him exhale, see him look away, kind of sad I think, and then hear Ming's voice say, "Don't be acting like that and shit." I see Dewey look back at Ming and before I can look back at her I hear her say, "Don't be acting like you all fucken butthurt cuz our girl ain't into your ass. You be fucking half them hoes at our school so don't be acting like you been fucken waiting for her ass. Fucken liar."

I can't help it, seeing Dewey with his mouth open and eyebrow raised like that, looking confused, and I start laughing. Oh my god. Then I hear my friends laughing, making me laugh harder, and I think I hear Cairo laughing.

Then I hear my sister say, "Ma girl's right. The fuck you even looking butthurt and looking at ma ass ever when we all knows you both be fucking probably any fucken hoes that your asses be passing at school and probably here."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at my sister, see her stand up, feeling my small smile at how fit that small yellow t-shirt with "Balling" in black lettering and pitch black loose jeans make her look. She looks so pretty in yellow with those loose braids I wanted her to try today. I feel my smile get bigger.

Then I hear Dewey say, "You right." I look back at Dewey, see him exhale looking at my sister, and he says, "But that's cuz these girls ain't been around a lot of black guys and they think we're special just cuz of that but really it's the girls that been around black guys, ain't throwing themselves at them, actually be doing shit with themselves, and could be low-key players but they ain't cuz they don't wanna be, that's the kinda girl I know for sure I still want, and I'm what you call one of them patient ones that'll wait and drop whoever I'm with when that kind of girl wanna be with me."

I exhale, shake my head, and hear Ming say, "And that's how I know, day our girl is single, which I don't fucken see happening, her ass wouldn't be with you." I stand up with my bags, look over at Cairo, see him looking at me with that weird look again, and say, "Well we gotta go. Good look on," and hear Dewey cut me off saying, "Why?"

I exhale, look over the balcony, see him still there, looking really lonely, and hear my sister's voice say, "Look Dewey." I feel my eyes open, look back at her, see her looking at him squinting her eyes, and she says, "I'ma only say this shit cuz, I 'on't know, maybe I don't want ma man getting in stupid fights at school and I knows that shits gonna happen if you do keep looking, so I'ma be straight with your ass and tell you ma girl's right, what you said right now is why I wouldn't be with your ass ever. I ain't the kind of girl to make no guy, no one, just fucken drop someone cuz I wanna be with them. That's fucked up and I wouldn't do that shit to no girl. Ain't how our mama's raising us. And I wasn't into your ass befor' and I knows for sure I ain't into you even more now knowing you'd do that shit to any girl, fucken drop her like that, just cuz another girl wanning to be with you. That ain't what a real guy would do. So stop looking and keep them Woodcrest and Chi-Town bicycles busy and away from ma crew."

I hear an exhale and hear Cairo say, "I ain't gonna talk for no one, but at least for me, I ain't seeing her ass no more."

I look over at him, see him looking at my shoulder, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear Dewey say, "Just give my ass a chance Cindy."

I feel my mouth open, remember something Cairo said once, look over at Dewey, see those short dreads on him, see he's just as tall as Cairo, those marks on his face that I think shows he wears glasses sometimes, the skin that's something between Huey and Riley's mocha colored skin and Cairo's lighter skin, his eyes that I think are lighter brown than Cairo's, and see him looking at my sister with a weird look on him, but I could be imagining it.

I look over at my sister, see those pursed lips, and remember when Cairo said that, when he asked me to give him a chance knowing I had a boyfriend and he was still sitting next to Ashley during lunch, how I knew girls thought he was cute but I knew Huey was way cuter and I only wanted him, and wonder what my sister's thinking.

And, seeing those pursed lips turn into that cute smirk, I remember something even more important, that my sister doesn't lie and just like her boyfriend, she doesn't care about being appropriate, and I hear her say, "I'ma end this cuz we gots shit to do but you just fucked up by telling my ass to give you a chance when you be fucking half the school, I just tol' your ass I ain't the kind of girl to fuck around with no hoe, and I got a man, which kinda means you just treated my ass like a hoe telling me that shit thinking I'ma just leave his ass to give you a fucken chance. And any guy that's cool with talking to my ass like that is looking to get beat by ma crew or ma man but I think ain't smart 'nough to know it and I ain't gotta waste my time with them." I see her exhale and she says, "Don't look, don't come near my ass, cuz you just disrespected me calling me a hoe and not giving me the respect a strong woman on the basketball team with the friends and sister I got deserves." I feel so proud.

And I hear an inhale, I think from Cairo, and hear him say, "Jazmine, look, let me just," but hear Lauren's voice cut him off saying, "Nope, you don't get to talk to our Jazzy anymore. You said hi, asked her about finals, she was nice, cuz our Jazzy is nice, and then your friend treated our Cin bear like a sata and she isn't, so you don't get to talk to them anymore today, and we have people that were really nice to us that we wanna go see."

Then, I feel that hand grab me, and hear Ming's voice say, "Let's get the fuck outta here, got shit to do." I smile and see Cairo exhale. I turn around, hold her hand, and start walking with Ming to the staircase. I smell that vanilla lotion next to me, turn to her, see Lauren's hair, how long it is, see my sister next to her holding her hand, feel my smile, and say, "We're doing long layers on you during vacation."

I see her look over at me with those hazel eyes, see her smile, and she says, "Okay Jazzy."

Then I hear my sister say, "I'ma put bunny ears on his ass and I ain't care how cute that shit is."

I start laughing, hear my friends laughing, get to the staircase, let go of Ming's hand, start walking down, seeing some boys walking up on the other side checking out my sister and Lauren, and start laughing harder. Oh my Black Jesus.

We finally get downstairs, see my sister and friends running up to him, and I start running after them.

We get to him, see him smile at us, and hear Ming say, "Now we know you busy and all cuz it's the holidays but we gonna need least half an hour of taking pictures, getting them right, with any poses we want, and then we want copies for each one of us. You cool with that Santa?"

I see him exhale, see those tears at the corner of his eyes with his smile, and he says, "'Course lil' Chinese, lil' Mexican, lil' half and half, and lil' white girl thinking she a darky that all like hanging out with those hooligans that ain't good 'nough for ya'll but ya'll just angels, you can have all the time ya'll want." I exhale, feel my smile, and hear them laugh.

We put our bags down behind him, Lauren and I sit down in front of him, know my sister and Ming are leaning on his Santa chair, and hear Uncle Ruckus say, "Hey Mexican that look white! Get taking pictures damn lazy!"

I see a boy who was talking to some girls turn around, see him look over at us, feel my eyebrow rise, thinking Woodcrest maybe isn't that big, and hear Ming say, "Ain't that the guy that delivers pizza?"

I nod, see his mouth open, knowing we haven't ordered pizza since my bestie's birthday because we haven't had a girl's night for a while, and see him start walking up to us, hearing those girls calling him. I see him get to us and he says, "You'll here?"

I hear Uncle Ruckus say, "Don't be acting like you know 'em and don't be looking at 'em either or them hooligans might show up here and I ain't want a bad back again from lil' white girl's darky. So don't be looking and just start taking them pictures and make sure you get 'em all in the picture, damn lazy."

I see him exhale, see him look away, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him walk back, and see him step behind the digital camera.

Then, seeing him look down at the screen on the camera, I feel my eyes open, and say, "Wait!" I see him look up at me, and I look back at them, see them all looking at me, and say, "For the first picture we gotta say it."

I see them all start laughing, see Uncle Ruckus with a confused face, and see Ming and my sister go down and whisper in each one of his ears. I see him look at me with that confused look and his eyebrow raised and he says, "Alright lil' half and half." Then I hear Lauren's voice next to me say, "Uncle Ruckus it means you're part of the team."

I see Uncle Ruckus look at Lauren and see him smile from ear to ear, not remembering seeing him smile like that ever, feeling happy, no matter how racist he can be sometimes. I turn back to the guy, see him looking at us, hear Uncle Ruckus tell him to stop looking and take the picture after we say it, and see the guy's eyebrow rise.

I giggle and hear my sister say, "A'ight, count of five I guess." I hear us laugh and hear my sister say, "Okay, okay, one." I smile, say, "Two," squeeze Lauren's hand, hear her say, "Three," hear Ming's voice say, "Four," hear Uncle Ruckus say, "Five," and hear us say, "Go wolves!"

I see the guy press down on the camera, hear him say, "Damn," and hear us all start laughing.

Then I see a little boy holding a lady's hand maybe twenty feet away from the camera guy looking at us, see that little boy look up at the lady, see her exhale looking down at him, and see them walk up to us, seeing them get to the front of the line where it says 'Line Starts Here.' I feel my mouth open and hear Ming say, "Alright Uncle Rucks, got like ten more to go. You cool with that?"

I hear Uncle Ruckus exhale and hear him say, "'Course lil' Ming." I feel my eyes open and then feel that strong, small hand on my shoulder, look over, see my sister smiling at me, and she says, "Up sissy. We gots to all tackle his ass."

I smile, stand up, see my sister stand behind his chair next to Ming with Lauren standing on Ming's other side, see my sister grab my arm, feeling her pull me next to her, and look forward, putting my hands in front of me, not being really comfortable being at the end with people walking by just looking at us. I look at the camera guy, smile and nod at him, see him look down at the camera, see his eyebrow rise, and see him stop.

Then I hear Uncle Ruckus tell him to stop being lazy, see him roll his eyes, and see him press down on the screen again.

Then I hear a little girl say, "I wanna put bunny ears on sanna! Mommy! Bunny ears!" I look over, see my sister with those bunny ears behind Uncle Ruckus's Santa hat, see her smiling at me, and start laughing, hearing our friends and Uncle Ruckus laughing, knowing for sure I've never, ever heard Uncle Ruckus laugh like that.

Then I hear a little girl say, "Mommy I wanna! Please mommy!" I look over to the front, feel my eyes open seeing the parents and kids lining up, I think at least ten kids, looking all excited with tired parents, and then see a lady with long blonde hair standing maybe five feet away from the line and a little girl next to her with the same blonde hair, looking down at that little girl.

I see that lady roll her eyes, hear her say, "Fine, I guess it won't hurt if you take one picture if they're just going to keep hiring these people," and hear the little girl say, "Thank you mommy! You're the best!"

I see the little girl run over to the line, see that lady smile at her, and see her start walking over to the line.

I hear his inhale, look over at Uncle Ruckus, see him looking down, see those tears on his face, feeling my eyes open, and hear him say, "Thank ya'll lil' ones. Thank you."

Then I see my little gangster, cuddly, strong sister, lean over, hug him around his neck, see Ming hug his shoulder, see Lauren hug his arm, and I go in and hug his other arm. Then I hear Uncle Ruckus inhale and hear him say in a small voice, maybe as small as his spirit, "Can ya'll let me take one picture home, like one where ya'll like this?"

I look up at them, see then all smile, nod at me, remembering they are some of the prettiest girls at school, and smile back.

I look back at the camera guy, smile at him, and say, "This one's good please."

I see him nod looking down at that screen, see him press it, and hearing the little kids, I look over at the line, feeling my eyes get big, seeing those little kids lining up, with the line getting too long to see the end now.

Then I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Cairo and Dewey leaning on the wall, looking at us, and feel that strong, small hand on my shoulder. I look over at her, see that beans smile, and she says, "A'ight now we all trade spots and I still want us all on the dirty ass floor throwing peace signs."

I start laughing, hearing our friends and Uncle Ruckus laughing, and know, for sure, no matter what, I'm a strong girl, my sister and friends are all strong cuddly girls, Black Jesus is watching us, and I can't wait to get home to tell my bestie about our day of helping Uncle Ruckus laugh.

* * *

Shit. I must look like an idiot. I inhale, exhale, open eyes, focus on the article about the state of the economy or rather how much people believe the fluctuation of stocks means everything when in reality it means only something to those that actually have enough wealth to invest in them, which does not include much, most of the country who are living paycheck to paycheck, trying to live off minimum wage, which for some states is half of what it is in other states. I exhale. Then there's my people, who regardless of their significant success in the face of open discrimination, which was helped in many instances by affirmative action, which is completely, unadulteratedly necessary because of the real, existing racism in this country, continue to stay at the bottom with income and wealth inequality putting them further away from the race that's kept them there through political action.

That damn tree business. Shit.

I hear the door open, look over, see that big afro, possibly from running over here, that big forehead, those wide eyes, those open full lips, that pink soft sweater, those light blue jeans covering those thick thighs, and those black converse. Those black converse. Those black converse that I see walking towards me, see that bag land on the floor, look up, see that darker variation, and taste those lips.

I close my eyes, drop whatever article I'm holding that's telling me about the world I'm fully aware I live in, grab those hips, pull her in, and feel that tongue push through my lips. Shit.

I feel those long arms around my shoulders, taste that clean tongue, not caring about stocks or despicable families, feel those hands in the back of my head, and hear her thank me.

I put my hands down on that ass, feeling those lips moving over my face, feel that kiss on the left side of my chin, hear her say, "You're the best," feel that kiss on my left cheek, "Bestie," feel that kiss on my left eyelid, "Warm brain," feel that kiss on my forehead, "Boyfriend," feel that kiss on my right eyelid, "Good person," feel that kiss on my right cheek, "In the entire world," and feel that kiss on the right side of my chin.

I exhale, lean my head back on the headboard, feeling those kisses going down my face, and say, "Fine but," hear that giggle, squeeze that ass, feeling those kisses on my neck, and say, "Only year and I made sure to get a deal because Grandad wanted one to." I feel those kisses going back up my neck, exhale longer, and hear her say, "Huey I know Grandad's happy with a fake one and," I exhale through my nose, feel her kiss it, not knowing or caring when she got back to my nose, and hear her say, "Did you make sure to go to Mr. Cobb's place?"

I open my eyes, tilting my head back down to see that darker green, those freckles, that darker pink possibly from those kisses, and I sit up, putting my legs over the edge of the bed, bringing that ass in between them, and say, "And how do you know I went to Curtis Cobb's lot?"

I see that smile and she says, "Because I remember Grandad saying Mr. Cobb and Mr. Shaw's places were the only two where you could get a tree from a black man that was in that business and I told you on Friday when we passed by Mr. Cobb's place that it was really nice of him and really unsexist that he had women helping put those trees on people's cars."

I exhale, see her come up closer, see her bend down, and feel that kiss on my chin. I close my eyes, feeling myself relax from having been around that many people at that lot today, my brother's voice there wanting to throw my shoe at his face regardless of how much he doesn't irritate me as much anymore, letting those women help carrying those trees to Dorothy only because it felt right to do so regardless of how I was raised, making sure to have my cell phone on me on high volume and vibrate so I could leave the moment I heard or felt it to that horrible and crowded place, that place I only go to for occasions I deem worthy enough, like her birthday, feeling her ass in my hands, those lips, those kisses on my chin, hearing myself say, "I'll shave tonight," wondering when the hell I started caring about saying those things out loud, feeling those kisses under my chin now, and hear that voice say, "But I like it."

I inhale, squeeze that ass, feeling that soft stomach behind that sweater pressed against me, knowing I'm getting hard, and hear her say my name the way I like her saying it, kissing me in this way. Fuck, I like things today, many things. And then I hear, "Thank you Huey."

I feel those kisses stop, open my eyes looking down at her, see her stand up straight, see those greens looking at me, move my hands back from that ass to those hips, and hear Sarah start laughing from the door. I see those eyes open, feel those hips start moving away, and hold them.

I see that mouth open and I exhale, wondering if she can feel that semi-erection. Shit. I see her eyes open more, feel her turn around, and not move away, possibly because she felt that semi-erection.

I look up, see Sarah next to the door smiling at us, and she says, "I don't think it's very fair that I had a full day with my Leo because my babies forced us to drop them off at the mall with their friends and leave them there while we went off on our own no closer than two blocks away and were given precise instructions to only pick them up when the mall was closing and now there's only a few hours left of the day for them to spend time with their boyfriends, so just like I told my youngest and her boyfriend right now, when I thanked him as well, I would like to give my babies the option of sleeping over at their boyfriends' house tonight so you can all talk about your day as long as we get back to our normal routines tomorrow morning."

I inhale and say, "Sarah that's not," and hear that voice under me say, "Mom we don't want you sleeping alone."

I exhale, see Sarah smile that smile that reminds me of that fact about my life, what I will always miss, and she says, "I know honey but remember he's no longer here, as of this morning we have confirmation from Lieutenant Saunders because of his office finally cooperating with the police that he is to work outside of this county or his office could be fined or worse, and." I see her stop, see her look up at me with that smile, I exhale, and she says, "And I know with the kinds of connections you boys have, which I really do not have to have more information on than I already do, you said we would be informed if he used that woman's or his cell phone, bank accounts or credit cards within this county at any point, and." I exhale, knowing we were able to gather that much information as of yesterday, but he could still use other cell phones or other bank accounts or credits cards.

I see her smile at that soft afro under me and she says, "Lieutenant Saunders said he would continue monitoring his whereabouts for the next six month and would make the entire precinct aware that he is not to step into this county for the next two years or he's to be arrested immediately. And more importantly, we promised each other three mornings ago he would not disrupt our lives, the lives my babies and myself worked extremely hard for, and we would all go back to our normal routines, including me sleeping at home alone sometimes knowing my boyfriend cannot continue driving back to his house every morning to take his boys to school and then come back to take me to work, when he should only be coming when he has time or possibly more now that my babies consider him their pop's. And even more important than that is showing my girls and two boys that are too close to not consider sons that I trust my friends at the precinct, the numerous cameras around our house, the alarm system, the ways in which those two boys are monitoring his actions, and how much stronger we are than any fear, any coldness, and him."

I feel those hips moving out of my hands, see that afro move away from me, see her walk up to her mother, feeling the coldness returning to my lap, knowing that semi-erection is not going to leave fast enough, and grab a pillow and put it on my lap. I close my eyes and exhale, trying to calm down, cursing every damn hormone in my body.

I hear her tell her mother she loves her, inhale thinking about baseball, hear the door close, and open my eyes. I see her take off those shoes, feeling my eyebrow rise, and exhale seeing her place those shoes and small socks behind the door where the rest of my shoes are. Then, I see her turn, and see those pursed lips with that focused look, feeling nervous and hard at the same time. A combination I haven't had before.

Then, I see her pull that pink sweater over that big afro and see one of those pink silk-like shirts she likes to wear underneath her clothes. Then I see her pull that shirt over that soft stomach and see another one of those intricate bras again. I inhale, trying to remember baseball for some pointless reason, seeing those breasts held down by that pink bra, thinking about the skin on those breasts, how they feel in my hand, and feeling myself twitch, knowing I like that she always matches. Then I feel my mouth open seeing her unbutton those jeans, moving them over those hips, too slowly, and feel my head tilt seeing those matching pink underwear that tie at the side, wondering if she knows if I did have a favorite one, if I did, it would be that style because I get to see those thighs all the way up those legs.

I see those legs walk up to me, focused on those underwear, see those underwear in front of the pillow now, move that thing out of the way, put my hands on those hips, putting my fingers under those ties feeling the skin on those hips, and hear her swallow.

I look up, see that variation, and feel my smirk for no apparent reason, knowing I'm harder than I was this morning when she helped me before she left to that horrible place where she would be with her friends, would have her cell phone on her, Sarah would remain close by regardless of what that Jazmine head and her sister asked of her, and I could be at that horrible place in four and a half minutes if I was at home, three if I was at that lot and drove through two parks on the way there.

And, seeing those darker greens look down, possibly at my lips, she says, "I know it's really selfish of me because of what you did today because I know how you feel about those trees but can I help you and have you cum on my hand again, like this, while you have me orgasm on your hand, and then we can talk about our day, those really pretty trees you got for us, anything you were reading today, and maybe, if you want to, maybe me sleeping over?"

I move in, taste those lips, pushing through to that tongue, hearing her say my name, press myself onto that soft stomach, feel the waistband on my shorts and underwear being moved, feel that hand encircle my head, bite that lip, feeling her bite my upper lip, and hear my groan, feeling that hand going down my head to my base, just like this morning, but this time with that body having less clothes, only wearing that bra and those underwear.

I move my hand over that tie, feeling that waistband on those soft underwear, start moving down over those underwear, and hear the whimper. I go further down, move those underwear out of the way, and put my finger down those folds. I feel her bite my lip again, hearing my groan louder, trying to relax, feeling that hand holding me too tightly, even if it is still moving up and down, knowing I do not believe in many things, including that tree business is going to help my people significantly one day, but I believe, because I trust her, that black older man who sold us those trees today is practicing fair employment practices with women, strong women, like the kind of girl she is right now, the kind I want and I get to ask for because I'm possibly a good person, this world has some hope because some practice fair employment law with strong women, girls like her. And so, because she's strong, I can put my finger inside those folds, pass the second lips, feel her shaking, knowing it's been minutes, maybe longer, of her saying my name, not letting her breathe, feeling those folds around my finger, holding that hip with my other hand, being in that meditative state, saying that nickname into that mouth, and start stroking inside those folds, holding that mound, covered by those soft underwear. I feel the strength behind that squeeze around my finger, hear her curse into my mouth, feeling those fluids on my palm, dripping down, and feel her shaking.

I open my eyes, see those eyes halfway closed, feel her falling, pull my hand out from those lips, those folds, hear her say 'Jesus' of some sort, and put my arm around that lower back, bringing her into me, feeling those breasts on my chest. I bring her in further, feeling papers of some kind moving behind me, laying us down, feeling her shaking, and see those eyes look up at me. I feel that small hand holding onto me still with the rest of her body shaking, but not her hand, and start having that feeling of curiosity about how that hand is not shaking. I see those eyes blink, see her lick those lips, feeling myself at that point, feeling the precum start, feel those breasts, that body move down, look down, and see that afro over me. I see those eyes look up at me, feeling that twitch right before, see her look down, and see her put that mouth over my head, feeling those lips over and then cover my head.

I close my eyes, put my head back on some pillow, hear myself say her name, feel those lips go further down with that hand moving down with them, feeling my eyes going into the back of my head, feeling those lips, that mouth, moving even further down, hearing myself say something, not caring what it is, knowing that mouth hasn't stopped moving down, and finally, feel the head of my penis touch the back of that soft throat, feeling her close that mouth around me.

I know I'm being loud, possibly, but all I feel at this point is that tongue moving underneath me, feel the slickness of her throat with my head, hit that slickness once, twice, several times possibly, and feel that release, knowing I'm coming into the back of that throat, feeling that soft afro in my fists, hearing myself say, "Fuck Jazzy, better than my fucken dreams, shit," and know that whatever tree business, stocks, or any other peculiarity of this damn world can be talked about later because I trust that Jazmine head to help me sort through it, she's going to help me because I'm possibly a good person, there's hope those political changes that have helped in the growing inequality keeping all people of color at the bottom will change, and she's strong enough to help me be part of those changes.

I exhale, inhale that insignificant amount of air, feel myself shaking, letting go of something soft in my hands, feeling that small hand let go of me, not knowing when she moved those lips, that mouth, that throat away, and feel that body moving. I feel those breasts, those hips moving over my stomach, those breasts moving over my chest, those hands on my chest and shoulder, feel that soft face on my cheek, feeling those curls on my face, inhale, and put my hands on those hips. I exhale and hear her whisper, "I used to dream about you, awake, in my bed, looking up at the ceiling, feeling flushed because I knew I shouldn't be thinking about you like that, but I couldn't help it, feeling really hot, not knowing why, trying to stop it because you were my best friend, only telling my diary about those kinds of thoughts, nobody else, and now I know those dreams, those feelings, those thoughts, were nothing compared to you."

I inhale, open my eyes, and see her turn that face towards me, moving those curls away with that small hand that was on my chest. I exhale, looking at that face, those lips, and say, "I thought about that color but could control those thoughts, what." I see that worried look, bring my hands down over that ass, see her swallow, and I say, "What I could not control, never found a remedy to, was those mornings when I would wake up thinking about your face, after having had what the medical world terms a nocturnal emission, even though." I see that small smile with that tint over those freckles, feel my smirk, and say, "Even though I did try to push those dreams to the back of my mind, not wanting to think of them, because you were my friend, my best friend, and I knew would feel insulted if you knew I dreamed about you that way, and lastly." I see that smile get bigger, exhale, and I say, "Lastly, because it needs to be said and if that Jazmine head must know, I never had to write my thoughts about you in any sort of journal, those thoughts just were."

I see those eyes water, inhale, and she says, "I love you bestie and I wanna cuddle now."

I exhale, feel my smirk, possibly my smile or whatever she thinks is my smile, see her exhale with that smile, the one that's mine, and say, "Yes."

* * *

I hear him say, "Let me see the political funnies when you done." I nod, skim down, and say, "Did you read about the Flint cases?"

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Only read what they posted online today but still gotta read on the cases again cuz it's been too fucken long."

I nod and say, "It has but at least those damn idiots aren't immune from possible legal punishment." I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Fuck, hope they get locked up finally. Been fucken years that shit happen."

I exhale and hear Hiro say, "Get that shits important but how you'll reading the fucken newspaper when this shits happening at this fucked up school man?" I feel my eyebrow rise, bring the newspaper down, look over at the kids all looking down at their books, trying to 'cram' as they call it or rather do the studying they should have during the last few weeks, and inhale, seeing that fucken idiot looking over at that line from that table that's too much closer now, not caring why he's sitting there as long as he doesn't try talking to her with some pointless fucken excuse. I've also had to expand my focus to keep an eye on those girls to make sure if they do start walking over here, I will find some excuse myself to go to that line where that soft afro and her friends are because I'm selfish and want this 'feeling' from this weekend to continue and do not want to deal with fucken idiots or those girls, and exhale, seeing that idiot look down at whatever book's in front of him.

I hear Caesar again, look over at him, see him smirking at me with his eyebrow raised, and I exhale and hand him the newspaper.

Then I hear my brother say, "Ain't your ass say you 'on't give a shit 'bout getting marks and them classes you take so why you care 'bout finals and shit?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing that's actually a legitimate question coming from my younger brother, look over at Hiro, and see him looking over at that line I had to stop looking at before I said 'fuck it' to watching that fucken idiot looking at her, keeping an eye on those girls, and got up and dragged her into that room to have her sit on my lap and tell me again about her entire day yesterday and how between her and her sister and friends managed to give that respectful racist self-hating man some peace and possibly some happiness, after answering those asinine questions that fucken idiot asked her.

I see Hiro exhale and he says, "Yeah, know what I said man, just." I see him stop, see him inhale, and he says, "Just, I don't know, yesterday asked her to stay for a while to just watch shit on T.V. or listen to music or just fucken hang out, she did, then." I see him exhale, see him smirk looking at that line, and he says, "She went to my backpack, pulled out my books and notebooks, asked her what she doing, didn't say shit, just put my books on the bed, started grabbing her books and shit from her backpack, and she said we could study for finals and shit and listen to music."

I look over at Caesar, hearing him snicker, see that newspaper moving up and down, and hear Hiro say, "I knows man. An hour after with me wanting to fucken rip my books cuz I don't pay 'nough attention in class and I just don't give a fuck, she made my ass take a break, we opened the door and see my bro walking by with his girl, we all ate, and then fucken studied together."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my brother say, "You'll gonna get all fucken smart like 'em Asians tried recruiting your ass?"

I look over at my brother, see him snicker, hearing Caesar's cackle, and hear Hiro say, "Fuck you Riley. Ain't ever gonna be like that. Fucken weird ass dicks that you'll know ain't that fucken smart, just get by fucken studying together and that's why when they saw my ass and cuz my family's fucken Asian they thought I'd be into that shit to. Fuck that shit. After I told those dicks to go to hell with their fucken group and probably cuz they heard my ass talk in some way I ain't supposed to talk, telling their asses I got other shit going on than being the fucken smart Asian in class like their dumbasses, they left my ass alone. Fuck. Almost beat one that day when he asked what math class I took last."

I hear my brother and Caesar's cackles, look over at that table, seeing those kids looking at their tablets and phones, hearing my brother say, "Ain't just that fucken Hiro. Them girls be looking over here to all the fucken time man," and see two of those girls look over here, thinking I could maybe, possibly be wrong about a broken clock being right only twice a day.

I hear him exhale, look back at Hiro, see him looking at the table shaking his head, and hear my brother say, "Damn, thought all Asian girls were fucken too shy to wanna be with anyone 'til I 'on't know fucken college man."

I see Hiro look up at my brother, smirk at him, and he says, "Nah man. Just like the smart thing being a fucken group thing, found out from some alright Asian kids in Chi-Town that the girls can be hoes to man, shit, found out they be fucken worse sometimes, asking my ass to just fuck around cuz their family can't find out what they're really like or don't let them have boyfriends unless those boyfriends gonna be doctors or some shit. So, I gotta do better in school, get them A's and shit, to be their boyfriends or we can't be serious but they still wanna fuck around. And then the ones here ain't any fucken better, dropping them numbers, some with fucken times I can come over to their house sure no one will fucken be home, like the one Lauren found taped on my fucken locker, not knowing that's what was on that paper 'til she told me last week after that girl kept looking over here."

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing stereotypes for both men and women exists in every race, culture, ethnicity, which is one of the reasons he struggled so much, aside from his family's criminal activities, because Asians are supposed to be a certain way, just like blacks are.

I inhale, look back down at the table, grab the next sandwich that aware blonde afro made, and hear my brother say, "A'ight, I get that shit, they can be hoes to, but you giving a shit 'bout finals, studying more, doing a'ight in your classes, ain't you doing that shit, the shit those girls wanned you to do? And I knows we talking about your girl so I ain't talking shit, but you really cool with your girl making you do what those girls wanned, study and shit? I mean I ain't calling your ass a pussy or nothing, cuz I knows if it ain't for Cin probably be fucken failing my classes, but your ass never wanned to be no smart Asian like them all, not just cuz you ain't into school but cuz you didn't wanna be that shit, what they thought your ass had to be, but for your girl you cool being that?"

I take that bite, feeling my smirk, knowing she added the quinoa again with new jalapenos, possibly different kinds of tomatoes, swallow, and hear Hiro say, "It's different Riley."

I look over at Hiro, see him exhale looking at the table, and he says, "You'll know my sister's doing alright." I inhale, remembering her, how close they were before and after, and he says, "She just started college but think she wants to go into psychology or something like that, help girls that go through fucked up things they ain't gotta go through, and I'm fucken proud of her man."

I hear a few exhales and hear Caesar, "Yeah, I'ma have some kind of mind-psych-sister man." I feel my eyebrow rise, swallow that last bite, look over at him, see him smirking at Hiro, and hear their cackles, shaking my head. Idiot trusted friends.

I hear Hiro say, "Yeah man, so cuz of that shit from Chi-Town I took care of," I hear him stop, look back at him, see him look up at my brother, see him nod, and he continues, "And my sister doing good, wanting to be some kind a psychologist, my folks don't give a shit what I do. Yeah, think they want my ass to go to college if I wanna go but after all that shit, they just want me to be alright, do whatever the fuck I want, long as it ain't anything that gotta do with that other shit, but."

I see him smirk at my brother and he says, "My girl still wants my ass to do better but she said it's cuz," I see him exhale, see him look over at that line, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "She wants me to be in classes with her, move over to her classes next semester if I can show this fucked up school that I know 'nough to get into her classes middle of the year and they just fucked up giving me lower classes. She don't care 'bout me being smart or anything, being that shit they think I gotta be, being no doctor, being part of that family, that shit from Chi-Town, just wants my ass in classes with her, probably so we can study together more, be together more, and she's too smart to be in the classes I'm in so I gotta move up, and that means I gotta do alright on finals and haven't stopped studying since yesterday."

I take that bite, remembering it's been too long since I've seen her, look up at that line, and see those hips standing behind Lauren, those small hands possibly measuring Lauren's hair, reminding me that aside from being the most aware girl I know she's also not one-dimensional, feeling my smirk.

I swallow that bite, see her look up at me, wondering if she felt me looking at her, knowing that's not scientifically possible, see her throw me a kiss, feeling my eyebrow rise and my face get warm, cursing those damn teenage hormones, and hear Caesar say, "Yeah man, already talked to my teachers and some said if I do alright on finals I can move up to my girl's classes to."

I look over at Caesar, see him smirking looking at the newspaper, and hear my brother say, "Yeah, you'll lucky."

I look over at my brother, see him looking at the table, smirking, and he says, "Fucken hate them classes I'm in. Knows I'm learning some shit and I still get confused and shit 'bout shit I gotta know in class but I get fucken bored, bored as fuck man with the girls and assholes there. All they talk 'bout is stupid shit I 'on't fucken care 'bout and with Cin and Jazzy helping with studying for tests and shit, think I'm doing fucken better than 'em smart ones in class and still I hate fucken talking to their asses cuz all they wanna talk 'bout is shit on T.V., how they miss middle school cuz they owned their school in eight, and just dumb music they be playing now when the real shit, least real gangster shit, not just party music, ain't being made no more."

I exhale, remembering how she referred to his 'smartness,' how she's right, inhale, and say, "Riley." I see him look up at me, see his eyebrow rise, and I say, "The system of this school is to be lax when it comes to electives, math, and language courses, while all other subjects are based on what grade you happen to be in, so focus on those, other than your elective since I know you already have that class with her, and if you do well enough in those other classes, you could petition to move up to the next class, which would systematically mean moving up to classes being taken by the next grade up, her grade."

I see him smirk, see him thinking, see him nod, and he says, "Thanks McHater." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing he's thanking me and again it had to do with Jazmine's younger sister. And I feel my smirk and shake my head, seeing him grab his backpack, take out his notebook, and open it.

I exhale and hear a page turn, look over at Hiro, and see him looking at his notebook, feeling my other eyebrow rise. I look over at Caesar, see him smirking at me over the newspaper, see him shake his head, and him look down at the newspaper.

I inhale, look back down at my book where I stopped reading, wanting to finish reading the article on the Flint Water disaster cases before I kept reading this book, and continue reading, knowing the rest of this break where the government continues to try to poison us will be quieter than the first half. And then I feel that kiss on my cheek, and feel my smirk, having seen 'Grandad's sweater' three seconds ago walking back to this table, that sweater she's luckily for my damn hormones wearing with that white scarf. I look up, see that smile, get up, focused on that scarf and not the sweater, and watch those hips slide in.

I sit back down, look back down at my book, focus, continue reading about the subject that is the Black Panther Party, knowing I wanted to read this book a second time before moving on to the next one from this author, see that carrot in that small hand, go down, bite it out of that hand, hear that giggle, and feel that kiss on my cheek.

I inhale, put my hand under the table, grab that strong thick thigh, putting it over my leg, where it belongs, and continue reading, hearing the pages being turned by my friends and possibly their girlfriends, and hope she'll let me focus on her inhales and exhales, while she underlines those words that Jazmine head will be completely aware of one day, while I continue reading.

* * *

Oh my god. I can't believe this. This is awesome! We can go to all of them! Maybe we can all go see them this summer or next summer. So excited! I see a note being put on my desk.

_You seem very intrigued and I don't want to distract you but I wanted to tell you, although it is not official because finals have not been graded, you will be receiving an A+ for the semester and I am extremely happy with your interest in the subject of this class and hope you remain so next semester. Also, next semester we will be reading excerpts from that particular book you're reading right now and hope you can bring any interesting ideas you find in that book into discussion. _

I feel my eyes open, look up at her, see her putting notes on the desks of two other students I can see are reading books to, see her smile at me, and I smile back. Then I see her turn and start walking back to her desk. I exhale and know I have awesome teachers.

Then I hear someone else exhale and look back down at my book. I've been hearing those exhales from other students and I know everyone's stressed. Hopefully everyone does good on their finals, specially this one because it counts for a fourth of our grade for the semester.

I look back down and keep reading the next paragraph I was on in my book. _The women who constituted the majority of the black residents, and half of the black wage-earners, bore a large share of the responsibility for sustaining family and community within these neighborhoods. In the 1880s, 70 percent of black families consisted of two parents. In contrast_. I grab my pen and underline that word even though I know it means comparing. _contrast to most white households of a similar type, most black women shared the burden of wage earning with their male spouses. _I hear the door open, look up, see him walk in, grab his phone from Ms. Reed's desk, hear him thank her, and I look back down at my book.

Then I hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "Michelle, you can go now, just remember to leave your cell phone at my desk, and I am sorry you had to wait but at least during finals I cannot let out more than one student at a time and you must leave your cell phone at my desk." I look at my book trying to find that sentence and then hear a voice say, "No Ms. Reed. I don't have to go anymore."

I hear a chair move in front of me and I keep reading. _Black men were paid relatively higher wages than women, but even the combination of both spouses' incomes_. Spouses. I wonder if spouses means married or just living with someone or like what my mom and pop's do and just seeing them when they can. I guess it just means all couples. _spouses' incomes. Unemployment was a common experience for male common laborers–not to mention separation of the death of a husband, which could reduce a family's resources unexpectedly. As one widowed washerwomen recalled later: "I married a good man and we lived together seventeen years and had six children._ Aww. That sounds so sweet, being with someone and knowing them for so long. Jazmine focus. _Six children. He died and left me with all these children to raise. He was a good husband and father and provided for his family as best he could." _That's so sad but he sounds like he was a good man and just tried his best. Next sentence Jazmine. _She remembered one of her most distressing days after her spouse's death when her children cried for food. "I hated to borrow. I scraped up enough meal to make a little hoe-cake of bread. I broke it among them and went back to my ironing, crying." _

I feel my inhale, sad for that lady with those six little kids, but happy we don't live like that anymore with women, black women, women of color only being able to take really bad jobs that don't pay enough to feed their little kids and then their good husbands dying probably from having really bad jobs to or not enough money to see doctors to get checkups or so many things. And I know my bestie thinks things aren't good enough yet and I think that's true but I have to keep reminding him that even with all that bad stuff in this world, bad people, a bad government, there's still laughter and good in this world and I want to keep giving him hope things will get better. And I know I can do that, help him giving him hope, because I'm strong, he said it, he said I was his 'fucken strong Jazzy' right before I felt, tasted, that cock in the back of my throat. I swallow. I can't believe I did that. I think they called it 'deep throating' online and said girls or guys sometimes gag doing that but I think it's because the person they're doing that to is being really rough, like pushing that cock in more than the girl or guy that's deep throating them wants. I don't know. That was the first time I did that. And, feeling my face get completely red, I remember he came after I tasted that cock with my throat only three times. I hope he liked it. Wait, what was I reading? Oh my god, my face is so red right now. Breathe Jazmine, breathe.

I hear the bell ring, hear the exhales, remember I'm in class, American Cultures, and we're taking finals, I finished the stuff we were being tested on already, gave Ms. Reed my paper with my answers, then she let me read from my book, and now I get to see that warm brain that let me do that to him. I smile, close my book, and hear Ms. Reed say, "Okay everyone, please, please get a good night sleep, eat well, and remember the way you're being tested is based on weekly topics and you just finished being tested on week two material and one author we discussed during those first two weeks. Remember which other author we reviewed those first five weeks and review the work we went over for that author and week three material to be ready for tomorrow's final."

I exhale. She's so nice. Most teachers don't tell us that much about what we're going to be tested on each day of finals week. I hear some 'thank you's' from the students, put my book in my backpack, and hear the footsteps of students taking their papers to her desk. I think I also hear some students just trying to talk to her.

I zip up my backpack, the best backpack in the world, stand up, see everyone at Ms. Reed's desk and some trying to walk out the front door. I look at the back of the class, see her wave at me holding his hand, and I smile and wave at her, watching them walk out the backdoor. That's smart to not have to walk out the front with everyone there talking to Ms. Reed and blocking the way out. I turn, start walking towards the back of class, and hear him say behind me, "Thanks Jazmine." I nod, feel my smile, walk up to the backdoor, push it open, and start walking down the hallway.

I hear him next to me and hear him say, "Never had to do this shit in ma other schools." I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him looking down, looking kind of stressed, and I say, "You didn't have finals at your other schools?" I see him look up at me, see him smirk, and he says, "Nah, ain't that. Just never showed." I inhale, see him look down, embarrassed I think, and I say, "Hey." I see him look up at me and I say, "You showed up today." I see give me a small smile and blush, and I exhale and look forward, seeing that long dark hair.

I close my eyes, stop walking, and hear him say my name. I open my eyes, looking at that dark hair by the staircase, closer to us than last time, probably because he doesn't want Huey seeing him right away. I feel my inhale. That jerk is afraid of Huey. I mean I know that makes sense because of his awesome Spawn reputation but he's afraid of Huey and not me. I exhale and hear Cairo call my name again. I look over at him, see him looking at me, look up at how tall he is, see his fade, his earrings, the color of his light skin, remember Huey said dumb racist people, even black people, care about a black person having a lighter skin color, and see him looking at me, like that. I exhale and say, "Cairo."

I see him exhale and I say, "Are we trying to be friends?" I see him inhale, see him look down and away, and not say anything. I inhale and say, "Cairo please answer me."

I see him exhale, see him look at me, know I've heard a lot of girls, some that walked by right now say they think he's not just cute, he's hot, and he says, "If that's what your ass, I mean, if that's what you want."

I feel my small smile, see him inhale, and I say, "I do so let's keep trying to do that and I know because I've heard it in other classes that a lot of girls think you're cute so." I see him exhale, see him purse his lips, and see him look away. I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "So, you're gonna find a lot of girls that are nice and wanna date you, specially if you're doing good in class, aren't treating girls, people in a bad way, and just keep showing people you are capable okay?"

I see him inhale, looking away, I think towards where Zack is, and he says, "Treating people bad. You talkin' 'bout what I told his ass, that he don't deserve you." I nod, see him look back at me, see him exhale, see that look, and I say, "Yes and the other stuff you said that's not true, saying he moved here because he wanted to, because you know he didn't, the," I see him open his mouth and I say, "I'm not done Cairo." I see him exhale through his nose, feeling my eyes open, see him blush looking away and he says, "A'ight, what you gotta say?"

I inhale and say, "That the stuff you said isn't true and I'm not gonna tell you how to treat people." I see him look back at me, see his eyebrow rise, and I say, "You're a black guy Cairo, in this world, where they make it really hard for you, in ways they don't say, like how they won't look at applications for some people because of how 'too black' their name sounds and then how those people have to go to my mom or other good attorneys that'll help them telling them what they can do to make that company look at their job application and." I exhale, see him tilt his head looking at me, and I say, "Then there's just how people treat black men, like they're afraid of making them angry and don't look at them, kind of ignoring them, not giving them just normal respect, like they did with someone I grew up with when we would go out to eat with my mom and now they do that with her boyfriend."

I see his eyebrow rise, I look away, back towards the class, and I say, "And that just kind of shows how people look at black men and treat them, even if it's not always about that, and sometimes because those men really are bad men, really bad men, the world treats all black men kind of like that, not giving them jobs because they think they're not gonna do a good job or they're gonna ask for more than what other people ask for, like more money or time off or other stuff, and something I think is even worse is when they treat black guys like they expect them to not try hard, to not know how hard it's gonna be to get into big things, politics or the NBA or law school, like that's so dumb, to think any guy, just because he's black, won't know that stuff, how hard it's gonna be, how much they're gonna have to study, and just." I exhale, looking at my class door where some students are still walking out of, that class where we've learned so much about really important things, things about races and power and working hard to change those things, remembering those two awesome guys I grew up with that are going to do great things even if this world has some really dumb, ignorant people, and I say, "Treating black guys like they're not capable, don't know stuff, when they know all that stuff, but still treating them like that sometimes for dumb reasons that don't make sense so."

I inhale, look back at him, see him looking at me, and I say, "So I'm not gonna tell you how to treat people, like you're not capable and can't figure it out. I'm just gonna tell you those things you said weren't true, none of them, and." I see him exhale, see him nod, and I say, "You don't have to be what they say you are, any of that stuff they say, treating people badly, or not being capable just because you're black, because I know, I know black guys, men that are smart and capable and successful, that don't let that stuff, discrimination, dumb, ignorant people stop them from working hard, being great dads, being really nice to everyone, and I know, I know for sure, some guys that not only don't let those things stop them but are proud to be black, so proud, and are the best people in the entire world so."

I exhale, see him blink, and I say, "You can be all those things right now, you just have to keep trying like you did today, maybe even trying to be nice to people, even girls." I see him exhale and I say, "And you'll meet a nice girl, I promise, and in the meantime we can try to be friends okay?"

I see him blink again, thinking maybe, see him exhale, and he says, "I still like you."

I inhale and he says, "But." I see him stop, see him inhale, and he says, "I'ma do that, keep trying and shit, and trying to not be so I don't know, mean and shit, and." I feel my smirk, see him exhale with his smirk, and he says, "I'ma try to be your friend and." I see him roll his eyes, feel my small smile, and he says, "I'ma try, try, to not be like that with." I see him stop, looking at me.

I exhale and say, "My boyfriend." I see him exhale, see him nod with pursed lips, and I say, "Okay because we still have another semester of being in class together and I don't want things to be weird anymore, specially if you still wanna walk out with me sometimes."

I see him inhale, see his eyebrow rise, he says, "I'ma keep walking you a'ight, least 'til we see one of your girls or," see him exhale, and he says, "Or his ass."

I roll my eyes, knowing that is the closest thing he can probably get to saying he's going to keep trying to do good in school, will try to be nice to girls maybe even be nice to my bestie, even if he still walks me out sometimes, and feel my smile. I see him blush, see him look away, and I say, "Okay, one last thing I need you to do for me."

I see him look back at me with that blush, nod, and I say, "Remember what happened that first day you showed up here?" I see his eyebrow, see him look down I think embarrassed, and I say, "Hey." I see him look up and I say, "It was long time ago okay." I see him nod, see him smirk, and I say, "So, because we're trying to be friends, I'm warning you to do what you should have done that day when I say when." I see his eyes open, see him exhale looking mad, and he says, "For real Jazmine? Just let my ass fuck him up."

I shake my head with my small smile and say, "I'm stronger than that." I see him exhale.

I turn, see him there, knowing I can do this and I know my bestie's on his way, but I'm a strong girl and he should be scared of me. And I'm stronger than any coldness and any fear, even the creepy fears.

I start walking, put my hand in my pocket, happy I'm wearing my jeans with pockets and one of my favorite sweaters, see him look me up, know I can do this, because he's not scarier, creepier, than anything I've been through in the last week, exhale, take that last step, stop, and look up at him.

I see him look up at my face and I say, "Zack, I don't wanna do this anymore. I really don't. I told you, we're not friends, I don't wanna be your friend after what you said about my boyfriend, and I want nothing to do with you. So move or I'll hurt you."

I hear an inhale next to me, see those dark eyes look me up, and he says, "You think I care about being your friend? I just wanna be with you, date you, and…" I exhale. Really? I can't. These people, their popularity, the things they think are important, and he says, "What?"

I look up at him, see him squint his eyes at me with his smirk, and I say, "You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. I would never date someone that just wants to date me. That's just dumb."

I see him inhale, see him step up to me, hear that inhale next to me, look up at him, and I say, "Look Zack, before you touch me, I'll hurt you, so don't come near me again, and just go away."

I see him exhale and he says, "No and you're coming with me." I feel my eyebrows lower, angry, really angry, remembering someone else doing this, but he wasn't creepy, just a jerk. This guy is creepy for some reason, maybe because he follows me I think, hides and pops up whenever he feels like it, not even on schedule like my friend says, and looks at me like that still, after months of being with my boyfriend, where other guys don't do that, they don't look at me like that, at least not when I look at them, they just look away, like they know it's not right to look at me like that. But he still does, like I'm nothing, treating me like I'm nothing by looking at me like that, showing up when I'm walking to the cafeteria, talking to me like that, showing up after my last period making me late to the nursing home sometimes, and then not listening to me tell him so many times I don't like him, I want nothing to do with him, and I have a boyfriend. Not listening to me, like I'm nothing, like how he talked about my mom. Like how that creepy man that my mom kicked out talked about her, like she was nothing. I inhale, taking my hand out of my pocket, crack my right wrist, my strong wrist, bring that hand up to hold onto the strap on my backpack, knowing I'll hurt him before he touches me because he's just a creepy guy, a creepy fear, just like all those creepy stupid fears, and I'm stronger than that.

I see that hand come up towards my left shoulder, knowing Cairo's to my right, pull down on the strap with that strong right hand, holding my weapon, turn around completely, facing my class, see her looking at me, squinting her eyes at me, exhale, angry at her for touching me after I told her not to, angry at this dumb guy for not leaving me alone, treating me like I'm nothing, close my eyes, and remember. It was two Sundays ago. The guys wanted to keep training us in self-defense but they wanted to start teaching us real attack moves, like real ones, maybe even ones where we could paralyze someone.

_I lay my head on that shoulder, thinking maybe I know what we can get her for Christmas, feel her kiss my head, and hear her say, "Tired Jazzy?" I exhale, smile, and say, "No, just wanna keep having fun with all of you." I hear her giggle and feel my smile, knowing mom's at home, the guys have been checking on her every twenty minutes, not every half hour like they said, this week I slapped a jerk with my notebook, my sister defended my mom from a really, really dumb girl, I helped Mo at the nursing home hopefully helping people there be a little happier, helped my other friend see she's super pretty and shouldn't break up with her boyfriend because of dumb girls, he told me I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful to my bestie, and my strong, honest, and brave Huey listened and let me help him again. And last night, last night, we talked about the stuff I'm learning in that awesome book, and my grandma and Christmas. And that's what I'm going to keep thinking about, that stuff, and my friends for all of today. And I'm just going to do that, focus on right now, not anything else. Yes, just keep saying that Jazmine and things will always work out. _

_Then I hear her say, "It would fun if we could learn how to use weapons with some of these moves." I open my eyes, see them all stop, Huey and Caesar sparring or what looks like fighting to me compared to what we do, Ming kicking Riley's bandaged hand, and my sister properly punching Hiro's bandaged hand. I wonder sometimes when the guys started training us like this, where we use them instead of the dummies. Focus Jazmine. I look over a her, see those hazel eyes looking at Hiro I think, and hear Hiro say, "Babe, I knows, waiting for the fake ones, but the good ones are on backorder, and then I'ma start teaching you." _

_I feel my mouth open, look over a Hiro, see him smirking at Lauren, and hear Riley say, "You teaching your girl how ta shank? You crazy?" I look over at Riley, see that raised eyebrow, looking kind of scared, and start laughing hearing the rest of us laugh._

_After we all stop laughing I hear Hiro say, "I'ma only teach her how to use weapons I knows how to use, only using the fake ones for a while, and I've cut myself 'nough practicing so she ain't getting hurt." I feel my eyes open, look at Hiro, really look at him, blink, and see those scars on his arms, really tiny scars, so small and light like maybe they were by accident and happened a long time ago. I exhale, remembering those awesome knife skills he has. I wonder if his family made him learn how to use knives when he was only ten and that thing had happened to his sister. Ten years old. Poor Hiro. At ten my sister and I weren't close yet but I know she was alone, at home, crying, Riley was out doing stuff with Ed and Rummy that I still don't think I want to know about, my bestie was doing things he only told me about after we started dating, some things I know no ten-year-old ever should be doing with weapons, the government, and my biggest worry was going to school because of those mean girls, those names they called me, and my parents fighting. And my Huey who was doing those government things didn't know about those names, those mean girls, or the fights at home. My ex-domestic terrorist that I didn't tell because I wanted to protect him. My ex-domestic terrorist who says he wants me to know how to use my body as a weapon, but he still likes that I have some weapons that I like carrying. I know he does because he never tells me to not carry them. _

_I feel my smile and say, "Well, we do kind of have weapons already we could use." I see them all look at me, feel her grab my shoulder, look over at those hazel eyes and that smile, and she says, "And that's why you have some of the highest grades and GPA at school."_

_I feel my smile, then feel those hands on my waist, feel myself stand up, look back at him, not knowing how he walked over so fast, so stealthy, feel those hands leave my waist, see those burgundy eyes looking down at me, and he says, "We'll be implementing those with the last attack move you learned today. Do you have one on you?" _

_I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, and say, "Don't leave the house without one ever and I know we all have them on us right now." I see that eyebrow rise, hear the guys say, 'seriously, the fuck, for real, and damn,' all at the same time, hear my sister and friends laughing, and start laughing with them, seeing that confused look on that cute face. He also looks so cuddly in that big gray sweater with the Chicago Bulls logo in the front. So cuddly I move in, hug him, and feel him inhale with my friends still laughing, not knowing how he always smells good even when he's sweaty. _

_Then, remembering even with friends he doesn't really like public affection, I move back, feel my smile, seeing that cute annoyed look, reminding me of when I kissed him in history class this week knowing I was in trouble and wouldn't see him for a while, see that mouth open, and before he can say anything I say, "I wanna go first." _

_I see mouth close, see that cute smirk appear, see those eyes look over me, and hear Riley's voice say, "I knows. Jazzy."_

_I turn around and see Riley walking over to the middle of the room, that after taking Dorothy outside and moving some things, is big enough for all of us to train in if two people stay in separate corners training with each other._

_I start walking over, exhale, knowing I can do this because I did it once already, and it's not really hard, just remembering steps. I get to the middle of the room, step on the yellow tape on the blue mat, and see Riley standing on the other yellow tape. _

_I see him look at me, see him focus, feel my small smile knowing he's trying to not hurt me, and he says, "A'ight. You got it on you right?" I nod, take it out, inhale, and he says, "'Member, do not think you can hurt my ass, turn around, and know where I'm gonna attack, where most attacks happen. A'ight?" I nod, remembering my bestie saying that to my little sister ten minutes ago for this attack, turn around, see that table where they keep tools and other stuff sometimes, and exhale._

_Then I hear, "Alright, on the count of three Riley attack exactly as you did before, Jazmine the difference will be after you restrain him, you will also use that weapon but don't." I hear him stop, look over him, see him exhale, looking kind of annoyed, with that eyebrow raised trying to remember when he got so tall and so cute, and he says, "Don't actually use it or I'll have to deal with his yelling for hours and I can only deal with his voice for so long before I throw something at him."_

_I feel my mouth open, hearing the snickers from the guys, and hear, "I'ma make sure to wake your ass up 'morrow morning screaming in your fucken ear McHater at like, I 'on't know, four forty-five in the morning since we all knows your ass wakes up at like five thirty."_

_I see those eyebrows lower, see those cute pursed lips, how annoyed he looks, and I can't help it and start laughing hearing the laughing from everyone. Then I see him take that step up and run up to him, putting him hands on those biceps, and say, "Big hair calm down okay. You know Riley won't wake up that early ever." I see those eyes look at me, see him exhale, see that cute smirk, knowing I want to kiss those lips but maybe later when we're alone. I see him nod with that smirk and I turn around and walk back to the middle of the room, stepping on the yellow tape, looking at that table again._

_I inhale, bend my knees a little, bring my left hand up close to my shoulder, bring my right arm back bent at a thirty degree angle, exhale, and hear that monotone voice say, "Ready. One, two, three, attack." _

I feel it all in slow motion even though I know it's going faster when I feel that hang grab my right shoulder, over my backpack that's covering my shoulder because I pulled the strap down, open my eyes, and see her smirking. I hear Cairo call my name from my left, blink seeing her squint at me, bring my left hand over my chest putting it over that hand that's on my backpack, feel that cold hand, press down on it, bring that strong right arm that's in that thirty degree angle up, raising my right elbow up, formed into that wrist lock, see that dumb girl's eyes open, and turn, pressing down with all my strength on that hand on my shoulder, hearing him curse, probably surprised.

I make the full turn, hearing him curse again, feel my eyes open seeing that afro moving up the staircase, straighten out my right arm bringing it down to press down on his arm that I'm still holding, bending it back, hearing him curse again louder, a lot louder, put my hand next to his head, his ear, knowing if I didn't have a weapon my hand would go somewhere else, say, "When!," and press down on my weapon, hearing the blaring sound. I let go of that hand on my shoulder, hear him curse or yell, don't really know because all I see are those wide burgundy eyes with that look on his face, press the button making the blaring sound stop, feel my feet moving, see him start moving over to my right, and run into him.

I feel him move me to the left like I'm nothing, grab his arm, pull, feeling him take that step, knowing I can't stop him, I really can't, not when he has that look, the one he had at the precinct, but that was because of a bad, creepy, horrible man, and this is just a creepy guy who he told last time he would be beating up or breaking something on his body, and Grandad's gonna get mad if he has to pay if that guy goes to the hospital or Grandad could even get too excited, could get sick, and he's the best Grandad ever, and yell, "Grandad Huey!"

I feel myself move forward and hold onto that wall.

I inhale, look over at him, see him looking at that guy that I can still hear cursing, pull on that arm, feel him shaking, and I say, "Please, he could get excited and this is not who you are Huey. You don't hit someone when they're down, cursing because I bent their arm back and made them deft, you don't. Let's go."

I see that face turn to me, see those wide eyes, that look, knowing what he needs at this moment because he's showing it me, put my fingers through his hand, and pull harder towards the staircase, feeling that wall move.

I exhale, pull, start running down the stairs, knowing if we're caught again, right before the semester ends and it's our fault we could get suspended, my bestie could get suspended specially because they'll think he did something or because that guy will lie and maybe even get him suspended and that means he could even get kicked out of his AP classes for next semester.

We get down those stairs, seeing that emergency exit door to the left that we never use, hoping it's not locked, get to the last step, and see that blue uniform and that small afro at the far end of the hallway. No. My bestie's going to get in trouble, I know it. I see him look at us and then hear that voice say, "What do you see! I know that sound! Are they there!"

I exhale. No. Then I see Mr. Ramirez look to the left down that hallway where I heard Mr. Leon's voice coming from, and hear that booming voice say, "I don't know! We need to investigate! Hurry so we can go upstairs and see what happened!"

I feel my mouth open, feel that pull on my hand, and see the hallway and then Mr. Ramirez disappearing behind the wall. I hear the bang, look over at those shoulders, feel him let go of my hand, see those shoulders move up with his inhale, see him push the handle down, see him bang hard on the door, hearing the cracking of something, and exhale, seeing him open that door with the metal lock cracked, feel him grab my hand, and feel him pull me out.

I feel the cold, squint from the brightness of being outside, feeling the snow under my shoes, and hear the door shut behind me. I feel that pull on my hand, look up, see those tense shoulders, feeling him pulling me through the snow, next to the gray school building, swallow, and say, "Huey."

I hear him inhale, feel that squeeze on my hand, and say, "Please Huey." I feel that squeeze on my hand, inhale from the pain, feel him let go, and see him turn. I see those eyes, that look, see those shoulders, say, "Please, Huey," and see him inhale.

I exhale, remember who he is, what he needs, take one step closer to him, put my hands on those cheeks, those cold cheeks, inhale, knowing he must've been scared because we've been outside for only seconds so the cold is coming from him.

I lean up, getting on my tippy toes, bringing my hands down to those shoulders, putting my face on those cheeks, rubbing my left cheek on his right one to get them warm again, feeling that stiff jaw, and hear him exhale. I feel those hands go under my sweater, on my skin, feeling, I think for the first time because of everything that just happened, how cold his hands are.

I exhale, bring my hands around those shoulders, hugging him, hearing his long inhale, and hear him say, "Why Jazmine? I told you I would be there late. You said you'd wait in class damn it." I inhale, move my face over, see those eyes, kiss that nose, see him exhale, and I say, "I'm sorry. I forgot. Just with everything with finals and everyone there in class afterwards wanting to talk to Ms. Reed I just didn't wanna be there and I really forgot you said you needed to do make up work after your final and would be there a little late and I'd just wait in class. I'm really sorry. Please don't," and feel those lips kiss me.

I close my eyes, kiss him back as hard as I can, putting my hands in that warm afro I like so, so much, remember what he needs, move away, start kissing that face, telling him I'm sorry and I forgot and I didn't mean to worry him and I promise to put a reminder on my phone next time to not leave and I don't want him to worry about dumb things and I hear him say he loves me.

I stop, open my eyes, blink, once, twice, feeling my eyes getting big, know the words and know what they mean, but I don't know that he said, and hear him say my nickname. I shake my head and say, "Huh?"

I see him exhale, feeling my hands coming down to those shoulders I think, and see that blush over that face I was just kissing, knowing I've never, ever seen Huey blush like that. And, my mind finally catches up to those words, and I say as fast as I can, "Why Huey? You don't have to say it. I told you. You show me with your actions, the things you do, the things you say, you never," but he cuts me off saying, "Jazmine." I stop and close my mouth. I don't know what else to do or say or think.

I see him open his mouth, knowing he's opened his mouth before and I've even heard words come out of his mouth before, and he says, "I'm not a coward, except." I see him stop, see him exhale, and he says, "I don't lie to myself. I might evade certain topics and deflect on information idiots don't need to know about, but I don't lie to myself, except." I see him inhale and he says, "When it comes to feelings."

I feel my mouth open, knowing I'm breathing because I've done it before, feel my smile at how cute he always says the word 'feelings,' see him exhale with that blush I'm going to try to memorize just like I've memorized the contours of those magnificent broad shoulders I think I'm still holding, and he says, "I do not understand their function other than in making idiots believe in lies, things that will not happen, like not dying alone, believing people belong to each other, will stay with idiots when it's against their better judgement, but."

I see him inhale and he says, "But there are areas in which science, biology, physics, myself, cannot give definite answers, such as feelings." I feel my smile, nod, see him exhale, and he says, "And so, I cannot give answers to why it is I feel a certain way at times but those times, are always, predominantly, acutely, about you." I nod, feeling that warmth in my belly, and he says, "And so, because science and all other humanmade processes, wording, definitions, descriptions, do not adequately describe what those feelings are and I do not lie to myself other than when it comes to feelings, knowing outside of my immediate family I do not know what love is, I believe I can and will name this illogical need to protect you and anything connected to you, these idiotic moments of jealously that continue to get worse and I don't care to change, the fact that for some time I've known I want you to stay, possibly even have a damn say in my goals, how I will manage to achieve them, how I've always known there's close to none if any hope for this world and all its self-centered people based solely on history, experience, facts but have questioned that because that Jazmine head doesn't believe that, which of course leads to the logical problem of you always having been my opposite, but still, since that day we moved here and met you on that hill I've felt this need to be around you and your good and bad and aware questions, that whiny voice, to protect you from your inability to see how misguided and shortsighted this world is, even when imbeciles that do not deserve to be on the same planet you're on weren't around, attacking you, asking for their impending demise, even before all of that I still felt this need to check on you, meet only you on that hill, fully aware that was the only place the government couldn't touch and still you were the only person I would meet there, only one allowed up there with me, and then now, damn it now, the precise amount of what you are now, what you say now, what you say you want to be, how you are still the only thing I want to show the last mother figure within my family I still have left, I can only assume if all of those facts, including what I feel now, right now, wanting to go back in there to beat him for touching you in anyway at all but only doing so if you strip me off of you because I don't actually want to leave you because you make me happy, I trust your judgement as unrealistic as it still is and know you'll want to stop me from killing worthless idiots, you make me happy, is all true, if you make me happy is true." I see him stop, see how pretty those almost dark burgundy eyes with the snow coming down around his face look, and he says, "If all of those facts, regardless of whatever it is we are, dating or whatever this idiotic world calls what we are, how I feel, what I feel, are all true, the only explanation, the only way to describe them, to give them precise definition, to explain how they exists, because the question of if they exists has been answered by the fact that they do exist, how they exist then can only be explained by a process that is not described by anything I know outside of my immediate family, and so I can and will name the process of how it is that they exists, how it works, the entire process, love, because I know there is no if when those feelings exists, and the explanation for how the if works has to be the illogical process that is love, because I love you Jazmine."

That feeling, the one at the bottom of my belly, that feeling that only grows when I'm around him, that feeling that I've only felt for one person and I know in my life I will only feel for one person ever, explodes, and I feel the tears at the corner of my eyes. I see him inhale, see that mouth open, and I open my mouth, seeing him close his mouth, I think wanting to let me talk first. And, I want to tell him he didn't have to say any of that because he shows me with his actions, his kisses, in his Huey way, how he feels but then I stop, feeling my jade piece slide down my necklace and land on my chest. My necklace. My birthday. That explosion. Huey just said he loves me. Huey just said he loves me in his very Huey romantic way, explaining it with so many words that he feels all that for me, that he knows the if because he feels it and how he feels it he thinks is because he loves me, next to our gray school building, in the middle of snow, feeling the wet snow on my face, seeing those drops of snow around his face going from white to a dark mocha colored water, in the middle of snow, where I don't feel cold, where it's just us, remembering how much I love Christmas, and Huey just said he loves me. Thank you Black Jesus. Thank you. I feel my smile, feel the tears going down my cheeks, see him inhale, feel my smile get bigger, see him exhale, knowing I'm a little lightheaded, feeling that explosion, that feeling of love, all of it, going down my legs, up my stomach, into my heart, my arms, and reach my head, that maroon colored explosion, and say, "I love you Huey Freeman."

I see that smile, knowing it's not just a smile, that smile, it's beautiful, he smiles now, a lot, at least with me, when we're alone, and I still want to help him smile more and show it to more people but first I really want something else.

I exhale and say, "I want to kiss my boyfriend who I love and loves me, right now."

I feel those lips kiss me, squeeze those shoulders the way I like to, hearing him groan, feel that tongue open my mouth, feel those hands on my butt, and I jump up, putting my legs around those hips, those jeans, and my arms around those shoulders covered in that dark green sweater that makes me think of his green cargo pants. Huey in black converse, dark blue jeans, that dark green sweater, in the middle of snow, kissing me, after he said he loves me. What Christmas is.

I feel my legs getting a little weak, squeeze those hips, feel those hands squeeze my butt, those kisses, that tongue, that wall on my back, and that cock between my legs. God I love Christmas. And I hear something vibrate.

I feel his lips move away, open my eyes, see that annoyed look with those cute pursed lips, feel my smile, hear the vibrate again, knowing that means two messages, see him exhale, bring my legs down, feel him putting me down, my shoes on the snow, those hands let go of my butt, and see him move away. I look down, not knowing when he turned me around to lean me on the wall of the building or when I put my backpack on the ground. I grab my backpack, pull my phone out, stand up, read the texts, inhale, and put my phone in my pocket.

I look up at him, see those eyes, that look, shake my head, knowing we're at school and can't do stuff here, and I say, "Bestie we should go because my sister just said they're looking for us but I guess Mr. Ramirez talked to her and he said if they can't find us they can't find out for sure it was us and we might not get in trouble because only some people are saying it was us."

I see him move up to me, see that face come down, feel those lips kiss me, closing my eyes, putting my arms around those broad shoulders, feeling my exhale with those kisses on my face, all over my face, not remembering if he's ever done this, kissed my face like this, not wanting this to end, not wanting Christmas to end, and hear in between those kisses, "Fine but." I feel those large hands on my hips, that squeeze, taste those lips, feeling that bite on my lower lip, hear myself say his name, and hear him say, "I want to know you're sleeping over not a day after Saturday or I'm climbing up the side of your house tonight to get to your window."

I inhale, feel those lips kiss me, put my hands in that afro bringing him down more, bite that lip I like so, so much, hear that groan, and I say, "Yes."

* * *

One more day, one more day, and we're out of this hell for one month. Then I can start focusing on my actual studies, again. This time, I will focus on the SATs and only on the SATs. I'm also aware the advice I've received in the last few weeks has led to changes concerning what I focus studying in the future, how important what law school I attend is when the immediate, significantly important aspect in the near future is widening my pool of colleges.

I hear her say, "Huey." I look down and breathe, looking at the pink scarf she's wearing, not showing her neck. I look up at those eyes and say, "Yes Jazmine." She lifts that brown bag, smiles, points at it, says, "We need to put this in," and I go down and kiss those lips.

We're standing in front of my locker, Friday morning. And after homeroom starts, there will be seven hours and twenty-five minutes left and then we're out of here. But right now, I need to stop before I consider dragging her into that room again only because I know she wants to go to all of her classes even if there won't be instructions today, just going over grades, giving some instructions to those kids that need to do extra credit work to pass their classes and transition into the next semester or be set back, and possibly, because it's Jazmine, and even though she doesn't have to go to any of those classes today she wants to go to do that thing women like to do and tell those kids she'll either miss them over vacation or wants to wish them a good pagan holiday. That pagan holiday. I exhale, move away, see her open those eyes, see that blush on those freckles, see that smile, and she says, "I love Christmas."

I exhale through my nose, see that giggle, and then inhale, being reminded she stopped talking about this holiday for years. I exhale, see that giggle stop, that shine in those jades, and she says, "I know bestie. Pagan holiday, Romans having sex and drinking, and that tree business."

I feel my smirk, shake my head, seeing that blush possibly expand, and I say, "And that tree business where at least there are two black men making some kind of profit, even if it won't help the entire race, is at the very least helping some who employ strong women. You know the combination. Now hurry." I see that smile, see her roll those jades, see her turn to my locker, and know she doesn't have to know I don't want to open it myself because I want to keep an eye on those idiots looking at her, too many that still pass down this hallway, girls that pass by to look at me for their own reasons, possibly more now, as improbable as it is, after I started doing more of what I want, making up for that lost time, those lost chances to kiss her, touch her, regardless of how I view this world right now. These damn kids.

And I inhale, seeing him, that fucken idiot walking up to us, walking up to that afro and those braids in that square shape I like, and I grab that waist, pulling her in, hearing her say that nickname.

I see him exhale, looking down at her like he did last week when that girl put those scratches on that shoulder, right before he took that step towards her, that fucken look, looking at something we don't deserve but want it anyways, knowing that look all too well, how it feels, hear her say my name, look down at that afro, those braids, those eyes, and hear that fucken idiot say her name.

I see that fine eyebrow rise, feel her turn around, not moving out of my hands, and hear her say, "Oh. Hi Cairo."

I exhale, that damn unrealistic, feel that squeeze on my leg, see him nod, and he says, "Yeah. Thanks for this week and shit. Ain't been so bad."

I feel her exhale, see him inhale, wondering if she's smiling when he doesn't deserve it, and hear that voice say, "You welcome. I'm sure you did good. Hopefully you did good in all your other classes to, but if you still want extra credit work remember you can ask teachers for assignments to do and I think if you do them in a week it'll make your grade go up, maybe even from like a B to an A, if you have any B's in your classes."

I feel my eyebrow rise. Really Jazmine? Really? I see that idiot start laughing, exhale at his fucken idiotism, and hear that voice say, "Cairo, it isn't funny you know. You could have B's in your classes, don't think you don't have good grades just because."

I see him stop laughing, see him look at her, feel my exhale, trying to relax before I punch him in the face on the last day of this damn semester, and he says, "Well, you the only one that thinks that shit, so I don't know, maybe, but thanks."

I feel that afro on my chest move, possibly with her nod, wondering if she's smiling and why I'm not punching him in the face, feel her hands go over my own, letting me hold that soft sweater, and I exhale.

I see him inhale and he says, "But since I am, I don't know, trying to be cool with you, gotta tell you some other shit."

I feel my eyebrows lower, see him look at me, see him exhale, and hear that voice say, "Okay, what is it? Is everything okay?"

I see him inhale looking at me, see that fear, contempt, possibly hate, in those eyes, but couldn't care less, feeling my chin rise, knowing I will punch his face first, and he says, "I don't know your ass." I feel my eyebrow rise, see him exhale, and he says, "And I ain't taking shit back that I said, but." I see him look at her, feeling my eyebrows lower, feel her squeeze my hands moving into me, feel that head on my chest move, and he says, "I don't really know why his ass moved, don't really fucken care, just know his ass was gone one day, and I had to do what I had to do." I see him exhale, see him look up at me, and he says, "And I don't know shit 'bout you now and don't wanna know." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing this is pointless, and he says, "But know." I see him stop, see him look back down at her, and he says, "I'm capable of getting my own, just gotta keep trying and shit." I see him look up at me, see him squint, and he says, "And I know I fucked up in Chi-Town, doing that shit, treating her like that."

I exhale, feeling myself squeeze what's mine, and hear her say, "Cairo, I told you, you were just really lost."

I exhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him roll his eyes, wanting to fucken punch him for rolling his eyes at her unrealistic optimism, see him look at her, and he says, "Yeah I wasn't a'ight, but I knew what I was doing, some of that shit anyways. And I treated you like shit."

I feel her inhale, feel her exhale, and hear her say, "You did." I feel my smirk, seeing that fucken idiot's eyebrow rise, because he knows nothing about her or how aware and stubborn that Jazmine head is, and hear her say, "I never said you didn't treat me badly Cairo, I just accepted your apology that day, told you I knew you were lost back then, and." I feel her inhale and hear her say, "It's good that you're gonna keep trying to do better."

I see him exhale, wondering why the hell he is here other than taking up that time I wasted where I should be kissing her, and he says, "Yeah, I am, but that's why I gotta start with I don't know, trying to be your friend and shit, telling you something I heard you gotta know 'bout, then you can maybe, I don't know, go home and shit."

I inhale, squeezing her into my body more, not giving a shit where we are, and say, "What do you need to tell her?" I see him look up at me, see him inhale, know I'm still beating him one day, and hear that voice under me say, "Please, no more Cairo, please." I see him look at her, see him exhale with that fucken look, and hear her say, "You were mean to me, you were mean to my best friend, my boyfriend who's always tried to protect me, he always has, and you wanna be my friend and I wanna keep helping you if I can, but that means you can't look at him like that, like he did something to you because he didn't, Huey never did anything bad to you, and I know he won't if you don't do anything but be my friend, be nice and respectful with me and my sister and friends like you were on Sunday, and maybe talk to Dewey about that to, and keep wanting the help, keep trying, and not looking at Huey like that, and I promise, I promise, things will work out, okay?"

I see him exhale, see him look down, and after those three seconds he needs to figure out his fucken life, I see him look up at her, see him nod, see him look away, possibly, if I cared enough to know, accepting the way things are, and he says, "Alright Jazmine, I still wanna be your friend, if." I see him stop, see him inhale, see him look at me, and he says, "If you cool with that."

I exhale, feeling those small fingers going through my own, and say the selfish truth, "I don't think I deserve her either." I feel that hand squeeze my hand, feeling my smirk at that strength I can feel in that small hand, see him exhale, see him nod, knowing at least in this one thing, the only thing, we understand each other, and I say, "But I'm still not letting her go. But if she ever wants to leave she can after she explains why, knowing her as I have for the last six years, why she no longer wants to be with me, and no one will be part of that other than us, including you or any other fucken," feel her squeeze my hand, harder this time, enough I felt it, exhale, and say, "Any other idiot because all you will be, they will be, if she allows it, is her friend. And so, I do not care about you being her friend because I don't worry about her in that way, she doesn't lie, she doesn't cheat, she's not like these fucken idiots, all of them, and so you can be her friend, her classmate, I don't care, but know that if you do try something, I will break your fucken jaw again."

I see him exhale, see him raise his chin, and he says, "You know where I'm from. Yeah you broke it, but that shit didn't hurt, not really. What fucken hurt is that I couldn't move for a minute, but that's it. I don't fucken care about breaking bones, fighting for real when I gotta, so your ass can say whatever the fuck you want 'bout breaking shit cuz the reason, only reason I won't try shit with her is cuz she fucken thinks I'm better than that, don't fucken know why, but she does, and cuz, way she is, she don't deserve that shit, the shit I did back in Chi-Town, and now I just wanna be there to walk her, that's fucken it, and if she's cool with it, be her friend, whatever the fuck that means, alright."

I exhale, trying to relax before I beat him for reminding me of what he did, tried to do to her back then, and hear that voice, that unrealistic optimism with all its assumptions about self-centered people say, "Okay, so it's decided. I will keep helping you whenever I can, we're gonna try to be friends, if you try anything I will flip you again and use awesome weapons, and." I see that idiot look at her with that stupid confused look, feeling my smirk, look down at that soft afro with all that hope, and hear her say, "And all of my friends are gonna show society that black men, good men, no matter what race they are, are a lot stronger and more capable than dumb ignorant people give them credit because that's the truth and we're gonna help because all of my friends are strong women that kick butt."

I feel my smirk get bigger, feeling the excitement being transmitted from those hands, that soft sweater, that waist, know she's happy for whatever Jazmine reasons she is, knowing after we get home later today I'm going to drag her to my room so she can sit on my lap and tell me about whatever Jazmine things she did at the nursing home. And then, like the squirrel she is, I feel her stand up straight, and hear her say, "Wait? Wasn't there something else you were gonna say before we started talking about the old stuff from Chicago?"

I look up at him, see him exhale, see him nod, see him look up at me, see him inhale, and he says, "It's 'bout lunch."

* * *

_Fun and reprieve_. Underline that word._ reprieve from hard work awaited working-class women on the streets, but not without a price. If light-hearted fraternizing_. Underline that word._ fraternizing turned into open conflicts, or when the police launched gratuitous raids_. Okay, underline all three words, but I think that means forcing people together like in a group to put them in jail. _launched gratuitous raids, black women and men were carted off to jail, subjected to severe_. Underline that word._ severe penalties for alleged petty_. Underline that word but I think my mom said 'petty' means small._ petty crimes. African Americans began publicly criticizing police brutality and calling for the city to hire black officers in the 1860s. _

Then I hear that sound and feel that hand squeeze my leg. Worrywart. I look over at him, see those cute pursed lips, those eyes looking down at his book, go up, and kiss that cheek, feeling that hand going under my thigh. I smile and look back down at my book. _They condemned the over-zealous_. Underline that word._over-zealous record of arrests that were often inspired by ambitions for higher salaries and promotions_. I hear Ming say, "You'll ever think 'bout how much it takes to buy his ass, like I don't know, twenty?" I start laughing with my friends. I exhale and keep reading. _promotions. Denied changes in public policy to reflect these concerns, blacks united to reduce apprehensions_. Underline that word. I hear the footsteps and keep reading._ apprehensions __by providing asylum to individuals chased by patrolmen._

Then I hear a voice say, "Hey you all that's the fire alarm, we gotta go outside." I feel my smile, look up at her, see those charcoal eyes and feel my smile get bigger seeing Phil holding her hand. I smile and say, "You go Lena. I'll see you in class. Promise." I see her pretty eyebrow rise and hear my sister say, "We'll be out Lena girl, just don't be going down building B right now, go down the other way and 'round the cafeteria." I see her eyes open, see her look at my sister, and I say, "My sister's right Lena. I mean I know you'll be okay and you're with Phil but just go around the other way okay?" I see her look at me, see her exhale, see her smirk, shake her head, and she says, "Damn Jazzy. Alright, just text me 'bout this shit later." I smile, hear my friends laughing, see her smile, and she says, "Come on babe. They're alright." Then I see her walking away with Phil with his eyebrow raised, looking at us like we're crazy.

I exhale, hearing Riley's laugh over our friends, and hear my Lauren say, "Cin bear, you think we can see that move you were practicing last time? It was so Cin bear!" I start laughing with them, hearing only some students walking out now, and look back down at my book. _Nearly 60 percent of the individuals arrested in Atlanta in the 1880s were black, although blacks made up only 44 percent of the city's population. Most of the of the alleged criminals were men, but black women were far more likely to get arrested than white. Blacks represented 80 percent of the women apprehended_. Underline that word. _apprehended, and 90 percent of those actually sent to jail. Yet black women constituted_. Underline that word. _constituted less than half of the female population. Black women arrested for minor crimes were often sentenced to work on the chain gangs at the city stockade_. Underline that word. _stockade or leased to private firms that contracted_. Underline that word. _contracted convict labor. Beatings, rapes, and sexual harassment by male convicts and officials were common experience. _I inhale, reading that sentence again. I'm gonna slap him one day.

Then I hear that voice say, "Why aren't you walking out with everyone else? You need to follow instructions and go," and hear Ming cut him off saying, "Eat shit."

I hear him inhale, flip the corner of the page closing my book, look up at him, and put my hand under the table, putting my fingers in between those warm fingers that are under my thigh.

I see him exhale, see that gray 'Wuncler High Staff' sweater that looks new, see him looking really mad looking at Ming, see him open his mouth, and hear Caesar say, "Nah, you ain't talking to her. That fucker paid your ass to get this shit done and when he shows here, cuz I know he will, I will break his fucken face this time."

I see Mr. Leon inhale, see him exhale, and he says, "You will not talk to me like that you, you." I see him getting red, see him exhale, see him look around the table, he says, "You will all leave with me right now and," and hear all of us say, 'No' and some 'fuck you's'.

I close my eyes, start laughing, hearing my friends laughing, and then hear him yell.

I open my eyes and inhale seeing that hand in my face, sort of, kind of to my right, I think trying to grab my shoulder, and Huey grabbing his wrist, holding it. I look over at those reds looking at Mr. Leon, see that stiff jaw, and put my hand on his shoulder, feeling it move down a little.

I hear that monotone voice say, "Last time you touched her will be that last time you ever touch her and next time I see you reach for her, as I'm sure my friends will attest to and confirm for themselves, next time you try to touch my girlfriend, a student you are not allowed to touch by law, I still break your fucken wrist."

I hear Mr. Leon curse at him, look at Mr. Leon, see him seething looking at Huey, knowing I've never heard him curse at a student, my boyfriend who was just defending me, feel myself grab my book with my left hand, not caring it's not my strong hand, just wanting to hit him for talking to him like that, bring my book up, and hear Riley's voice say, "Befor' my lil' sis fucks you up throwing a fucken book at your ass or my brother breaks your fucken wrist, I'ma tell your ass to leave, and remember what my brother just said, you touch them, any of 'em, you ain't walking away."

I see Mr. Leon inhale and I look down at that hand that was reaching out for me, seeing that it looks really white now, knowing my bestie said that means he's not getting enough blood into his hand. I squeeze that shoulder with my right hand, slowly, feel him exhale, and see him let go of that hand.

I hear Mr. Leon exhale, look up at him, see him massaging his wrist, see him squint his eyes looking around the table, and he says, "It doesn't matter what you say. Get up and you will walk out with me."

I hear Ming say, "We walk out with fucken security and not going down those hallways in building B cuz that's where that asshole and that hoe's people gonna try to jump us and then make it look like his ass fucken saved us or some fucken plan like that or, I don't know, am I fucken wrong Leon?"

I see him look at Ming, see him open his mouth, and hear Caesar say, "I said your ass can't fucken talk to her. Now go and you tell that little bitch he can find me here cuz I know your ass ain't calling security to come get us."

I see him inhale, see him exhale, see him smirk at Caesar, making me feel nervous, and he says, "I'm sure I know how you all came to have this information but I believe that he's just as dumb as they come and thought that was it."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see him look over at me with his smirk, feel his inhale in my hand, squeeze that shoulder in my hand slowly, and Mr. Leon says, "You're the reason why, the reason she can't just have what she wants, as treacherous as what she wants is in my views, and why she insist on my help, knowing after you leave, both of you will leave knowing siblings follow each other, and then she can have whatever she wants and leave me alone, no matter how disgusting, how unthinkable the idea of that is, the mixing of healthy robust individuals, the pureness that comes from undiluted generations, to be dirtied, diluted with blood from people that come from mental illnesses, physiological shortcomings, clearly visible in their circumstances, with skin that's just as dark as it is grotesque as," and see a book, a purple notebook, a magazine, and a red binder all hit his face at the same time, hearing the hits.

I exhale, feel myself shaking, hear those things fall on the floor, and see him inhale looking at me with those red marks on his face, feeling my eyes open knowing I'm standing up now. I see him look around the table at my friends who I think are also standing, but all I see is this racist jerk counselor that I'm going to lunge myself at.

I see him exhale, see him look down with pursed lips, maybe mad, maybe because he didn't want to say all of that to us or because he's just really, really mad, see him turn, and see him start walking away.

I exhale, feel that hand on my hip, that arm on my butt, and feel it pull my down, feeling the bench under me. I close my eyes, trying to think about my happy place, those stars covering that night sky, those pyramids, feeling those hands on my hips, that squeeze on my hips, that sand moving under my right leg, then my left one, and then those legs on each one of my sides. I exhale, hearing my friends talking, wondering if I'm going to feel that chin on my shoulder in my happy place.

I smile, feeling that strong chin on my shoulder, those arms around my waist, and hear that voice whisper, "Why Jazmine? I told you we can handle this, all of it damn it." I move back, putting my head on that shoulder, and say, "I told you big hair, with knowledge, like the stuff we got to know in the morning, and dreams, like all the stuff we still need to do together today, like going to the nursing home and the shelter, between you and I, we can do anything. So let me help you protect our friends okay?"

I feel his chest move with his inhale, feel that exhale, feel my smile get bigger, and hear that monotone voice say, "Yes."

Then I hear that voice say, "What the hell Leon!" I exhale, open my eyes, and feel my eyes open more, seeing I'm sitting in front of Caesar now, seeing him smirking at me, feeling my smile feeling that chin on my shoulder, those arms around my waist, and those legs on each one of my sides, thinking how much he cuddles with me now. Thank you Black Jesus.

Then I hear another voice say, "I paid you and you couldn't do one thing!" I see Caesar inhale, see him close his eyes, see Ming go up and kiss him, and see him exhale, and then hear Mr. Leon's voice say, "You have them here! Do what you must as I will not be involved!"

I look over at Mr. Leon, see him talking to that jerk and Ashley, yelling really, see him turn away from them and start walking over to the double doors, and feel my eyes open, hearing those double doors close. I look over at those doors and inhale, seeing all those people, students, in front of those doors, trying to figure out why those students are here, and hear her yell, "Leon where are you going! Sit down if you still wanna get paid and you don't want me going to my dad!"

I feel my mouth open, look over at Mr. Leon, see him stop, look back at her, and hear him yell, "Ashley this is out of hand! I will not be involved in this anymore and you will not," and hear her cut him off saying, "Shut up Leon! I don't care! You're not gonna tell me that now! It's too late to come out of this like you didn't do anything! Now sit down and you're gonna watch and tell them whatever I want you to tell them!"

I exhale, feel that exhale behind me, feel him scoot back, and then feel his forehead between my shoulder blades, hearing that groan. I feel my small smile at how cute and annoyed he is right now but this isn't the right time to tell him, hearing the yelling.

Then I hear that voice at our table say, "You'll think we can, I 'on't know, get pizza and shit tomorrow and Caes bring your Nintendo and I'll tell Ed and Rummy to come over and shit?" I feel my smile get bigger, look over at Riley, see him looking up at the ceiling with his arm around my sister's shoulders, not looking worried at all, and hear Caesar say, "I don't know 'bout that Riley. Think Hu might need a break after this fucken week man," and hear that voice behind me cut him off saying, "Fine."

I feel my eyes open, feel that squeeze around my waist, see Caesar look at me with that handsome smile, feeling happy he looks okay even if this is happening right now, and he says, "You remind his ass Jazzy girl cuz after this he might take that back alright?"

I giggle, see Ming kiss Caesar's cheek, seeing him look down at her with his smirk, I think blushing a little, maybe because she's smiling at him and she's that pretty, and hear that voice yell, "Why are you all still standing there! I paid you! Do your job!"

I hear a few exhales at our table, look over at Ashley, and see her looking at that crowd. I look over, see some guys stepping out of that crowd, guys I don't think I know, and feel my inhale seeing them walking towards us. Six. I look them up. Yeah, between my friends and sister I know we can take them.

I stand up, move over that leg, step out, start walking up to those guys, and then, two steps out I feel those hands grab my hips holding me. I feel him behind me, inhale, feeling him doing this again, like this morning, in front of people. I also know I'm getting red, like I did when I turned around and saw Cairo, knowing Huey was holding me in public like that, and hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine."

I roll my eyes, cross my arms over my chest, trying to make the redness go away, feel him let go of my hips, see him move around me, and start walking up to those guys, next to Riley, Caesar, and Hiro.

I smell that lavender lotion on my shoulder and hear her say, "Shit. Itching man since this morning and I'ma fuck up least one today." I start laughing, hearing my sister and Lauren laughing, and feel my eyes open, seeing the guys reach them, and then, in that cool fighting style only they can do, take them down in less than ten seconds. All of them. Wow. I think I'm going to kiss after this. Yeah, I am.

I see them start walking back towards us and hear that voice say, "You cannot be serious! But that's fine! I have more! There's over thirty we paid for and I'll send them all!"

I inhale. Really? They paid all of them? Those guys and those students to? I exhale, looking at that afro, hoping he's not stressed, seeing that hair swaying back to me, those reds looking at me, remembering Black Jesus is watching but knowing my face is getting red again, knowing I will never stop doing that, blushing, at least a little, when he looks at me like that, and hope he's okay with that.

Then I hear that voice yell, "It's too late Michelle! I don't care! You should've thought about that before you started sleeping with him!"

I feel my eyes open, not knowing Michelle was in here. I wonder if she got locked in when they closed the double doors or if they paid her to.

I look over at Ashley and see Michelle next to her trying to talk to her I think. Then, I see Ashley push Michelle away, and hear her say, "I said no Michelle! I'll have him because I want him not because you say so! So sit down and," and hear a voice say, "Shut the fuck up Ashley."

I hear the inhales around the room, look over where I heard his voice, see the crowd move away from that table, and see Cairo sitting there with Dewey, looking kind of bored with his fist holding his chin up, looking at our table. I guess that crowd is that big I didn't see them there.

I hear Ashley yell, "Don't you talk to me like that! You were fine talking to me last night," and hear Cairo cut her off saying, "Only cuz your ass called me, you said you had shit to say, I listened, cuz I was trying to, I don't know, not be such a dick and hang up, and after you said 'nough we hung up, so nah, you ain't having shit cuz I told you I ain't want your crazy ass no more."

I feel that rough hand grab my hand, put my fingers through it, feel the pull, turn around, start following those broad shoulders back to our table, and hear her say, "Stop Huey! Look! Let me explain! It wasn't me! He came to me to help him! I just wanted to show you I can take care of you! See! I have the money for it and…"

I see him get to our bench, feel him pull me in, and I squirm my hand out of his. I see him look back at me with those reds I like so much, smile at him, and I say, "I'm tired of her and I want you to tell me where you think I need more training after this." I see him open his mouth, I exhale, take that step up to him, kiss those lips, feeling him exhale, move away, and I say, "Remember, I still wanna get better so take notes of where I have to practice more."

I see him open that mouth again, I turn around, see her looking at me, knowing she's mad, inhale, and yell as loud as I can, "Ashley are you that scared that you paid people, students, planned all of this with that jerk because you don't wanna fight me!"

I see her squint her eyes, see her exhale looking at me, and I say, "Stop sending people that are only gonna get hurt and just fight me! I'm tired of you coming after my family and my friends because I know that's why you're doing this! It doesn't matter that that jerk came to you because you've always wanted to come after us! And I don't even know why because none of our boyfriends is ever going to date you! So just come after me because I know that's what you want, thinking that's going to make me wanna change schools, and then my sister will change schools! You're so dumb like that even makes sense! And for what! Just so you can have my boyfriend and his brother and any guy you want when they don't even like you! I mean that's just all so dumb, all of it! So just come get me yourself and know I won't pull hair or scratch! I will swing hard at you and I will leave bruises! And for Huey, my sister, all of them, I will do more I promise! So fight me head on Ashley and end it now because I'm really tired you! And I promise, I promise, I will not hold back because I don't care how much money you have or how many people you and that jerk paid so just fight me!"

I see her eyes open and see that look, that scared look and realize, she looks scared. She looks scared. What? Why? Oh my god. Really? No Jazmine. No. I hear myself say, "Are you really scared of me because I'm telling you I wanna fight and the only person here that would stop it is Mr. Leon but," I blink, see her inhale, getting red, and hear my sister's sweet deep voice say, "He ain't gonna stop it cuz you told his ass to sit it out and watch and you paid these fuckers and whoever the fuck else is here to fuck us up and you don't wanna look like a little bitch telling them to fight my sis for your ass, so you gotta fight her, but you're a little bitch."

I see her mouth open and see her just standing there, looking at my sister and then at me, mad, pissed, and I think embarrassed. Is she really that scared of fighting us, fighting me, when no one will stop the fight? Oh my Black Jesus. I can't. I really can't. I can't help it and start laughing, hearing my friends all laughing.

Then I hear my sister's voice say, "How 'bout this hoe and all 'em bitches out there! Since your ass too fucken scared to do shit, even when my sis fucken told you she'd throw it down with you, fucken little bitch, how 'bout you send them two hoes over that I know only here cuz you thought with help you'll could see me get a beat down in front of my man that you've been looking at since the fucken year started! Stupid hoes that don't know who I am! Come at me cuz I wanna fight both you'll at the same fucken time! Now!"

I feel my inhale, remembering her training, and look over at that crowd with guys and some students, students that jerk and Ashley paid but are probably here because they want to be here, because I think they don't like us and want to beat us up. I exhale, knowing for sure, they don't know we can fight, we can defend ourselves, and some of those girls probably don't know who C-Murder was because my sister stopped beating up girls at school after she got into the basketball team. I inhale seeing three girls step out of the crowd.

I look over at my sister, see that white muscle shirt, those awesome toned arms with a little muscle, and see her start walking up those girls, putting those two long braids into a low bun at the back of her neck. I exhale, waiting, knowing those girls, those girls that stopped my sister and Riley in the hallway on the first day of school are here because they want her boyfriend not just because that jerk and Ashley paid them. I can't believe they still want him, but I guess to a lot of girls Riley is a really cute guy even if he has a really pretty and strong girlfriend. I feel my smirk.

Then I inhale, seeing those girls run up to her, all at the same time, see my sister run up to them, see that surprised look on their faces, feeling my smirk, see my sister bend down, push through them, grab the hand of the girl that's in the middle, come up behind her, pulling that girl's hand behind her back, twisting it, pushing it up, and hear that scream, knowing it's not broken and she's just being dramatic. I see one of the other two girls go for my sister's face, inhale, see my sister use that girl she's holding as a shield, see that girl that was going to grab her scratch that other girl's face instead of my sister's, and hear her scream, hearing the inhales from the other girls in the room.

Then, I see that girl behind my sister stretch her hand out going for her low bun, open my mouth, see my sister let go of that girl she was holding, push her into the other girl, see her drop down two inches, bring her elbow back, and hit that girl in the stomach, hearing the coughing and cursing. Then I see the girl she was using as a shield turn around, take those steps up to my sister, see her swing, well, try to swing because that's not a proper swing, trying to swing at my sister with her other hand, and feel my smirk seeing my sister drop down doing the splits, and punch her in the stomach, hearing the coughing. Then I feel my eyes open, seeing that girl behind her grab her low bun and pull, seeing my sister stand up with that pull, feel that arm around my waist, feel myself move up, feeling that arm hold me, and see my sister bite down on her lip, knowing that pull hurt, see her close her eyes, and see that pretty blonde head swing back hard, into that girls mouth. I exhale hearing that scream, see those braids come down from that bun, see my sister focus, and exhale, seeing her looking at one of the other two girls. I see that girl run up to her with her fist up, knowing what's coming, see that cute evil smirk, see her drop unto her palms, swing that leg out that she uses to run back and forth on a court almost every day, hear that girl scream or curse, and hit the floor hard. I exhale. Good. Then I see one of the other two girls grab both of those long braids, feel myself move forward, feel that arm not letting me go, see that girl pull so hard on those braids that my sister falls back onto the floor, hearing Ming's voice curse and Lauren calling that girl names, hear that yell as that girl's pulling those braids so much I see my sister's body move with that pull, take that step up, telling him to let me go, hearing that voice tell me to calm down, seeing Riley's body somewhere to my left moving up, and hear that voice I love say, "Fuck you bitches! I'm C-Murder!"

Then I see her turn her face and body towards the floor, put her hands on the floor, see her push her shoulders, her whole upper body, then her lower body, up away from the floor, and feel my smirk, seeing those legs come up into the air in that split, and see her fall back onto her shoulder, move her weight from that shoulder to her upper back over the floor, with the strength of the windmill of her legs. Spinning like that over and over. I feel so proud watching her do a move that most people, adults, can only do from standing up, some people call breakdancing, and Riley calls 'When you down and only got your legs to fuck up everyone 'round you' and is such a 'Cin bear move.' And, feel my exhale, hearing those dumb girls screaming getting hit by those small dark gray converse, converse that are the size of my shoe size, but belong to my sister.

Then I feel my smile, seeing her stop, bring her legs down, and get up. I see her look around at those fallen girls that I can see are backing up away from her, and feel my smirk, hearing some people in the room exhale and say 'damn,' seeing that pretty messy long blonde hair out of those braids, knowing it looks like waves, pretty long gold waves full of brightness and fun, that redness on her cheeks from those moves and those big pretty blue eyes that have the shape of our mom's eyes. And that's just her face. She is the prettiest girl I know. Hopefully one day she sees what we all see, specially whatever Riley sees that I can see is walking up to her right now.

Then I hear a voice say, "Cin!" I inhale, look over at her, see Miranda walking out of that crowd up to my sister I think, feel myself move up, feel that arm, exhale, feel him hold me tighter, and hear Riley's booming voice say, "Miranda!"

I inhale, see Miranda stop, see her look over at Riley, and hear him say, "She don't fucken want you and I will send her sister to fuck you up, cuz you ain't fucken touching her and I know, I know her sister ain't letting that shit happen!"

I see her look over at me, see her inhale, feel myself focus on that girl that I will hurt for her, see her take that step, and I say, "One more step Miranda, one more, and I will drag you out because the season's over and she's my sister, belongs to me, and you're not touching her!"

I see her raise her chin at me and she says, "She's not," and hear all those voices from our table say, "Fuck you!"

I feel my eyes open and inhale, feeling that squeeze around my waist, that chest on my back, not knowing when he got up from the table to stand behind me. And I feel my smirk, seeing Miranda look away, hearing those light footsteps coming back to our table, hearing some groans I think from those dumbs girls walking away, see Miranda look over at my sister, and she says, "Cin, please, just give me," and hear my sister's voice say, "No! Fuck you Miranda! Leave me the fuck alone! I ain't ever gonna see you cuz I told you what I want and it ain't you and even more than that shit, your ass don't respect me so fuck off!"

I see Miranda exhale looking at my sister, see her eyes following my sister with Riley's arm around my sister's back, I think protecting her, walking back to our table, and then see Miranda's eyes get to me. I see her squint at me, know my sister's right, but I also know she is the prettiest girl I know and this might not end here but at least I know Miranda's scared of me and I'm okay with that as long as she doesn't get near my sister.

Then I hear a voice say, "My turn." I feel my smirk, look over at her, see her putting that dark hair that passes her shoulders in that ponytail, feeling happy she can do that now, see her take a step up my sister, hug her, kiss her cheek, hear her whisper she was so Cin Bear, hear that giggle from my sister, and see her let go of her.

I see my sister sit down, see that dark ponytail, that oval shaped face, that flawless chocolate colored skin, those hazel eyes focused on that crowd and she says, "Mika Amano if you're here for my boyfriend step up or stop looking and stop leaving your phone number for him because he doesn't want you and he's mine!"

I look over at the crowd and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing a girl, tall, pretty, with long black hair, dark eyeliner, wearing all black, like the rest of the crowd. I feel my eyes open. The entire crowd is wearing all black or dark colors, like they're some sort of gang fighting us. I exhale and shake my head.

I see that girl step up and see her look at Lauren with a dumb smirk, knowing she doesn't know my friend. Maybe she even thinks because Lauren doesn't get in fights and is nice to everyone she can't fight.

I exhale seeing Lauren walking up to that girl and see Hiro from the corner of my eye with his arms crossed, standing there. I look back at Lauren and inhale seeing another girl step out of that crowd and start walking behind that other girl, a girl I know hangs out with that girl, and exhale, squinting my eyes.

I hear Ming's voice say, "Damn that some shit. Both cousins wanna fight our girl for him. Shit's kinda gross." I inhale, feel my lips purse, and hear my sister say, "Maybe they wanna take turns with his ass."

I start laughing, hearing my sister and Ming laughing, and feel my inhale seeing both girls attack Lauren at the same time, one trying to punch her chest, the other going for her stomach, and see Lauren drop down so fast one of the girls punches her ponytail, see Lauren drop unto her palms, and see her swing her right leg out, swinging those girl's legs out, and see that girl fall on top of that other girl.

I see them both fall, see Lauren stand up, see her back up, see that girl Mika that she kicked get up on her hands and knees, stand up and start running towards Lauren, with her right fist out, looking really mad, see her punch again using the same move from last time, and this time Lauren blocks that arm and uses her left hand to punch the girl in the stomach. I see her cough, see that girl swing with her other hand towards Lauren's head, feeling myself move forward, and see Lauren block her again and this time punch her with her right hand in her chest. I hear the inhales in the room knowing all girls know how much it hurts when we get punched in the chest and then move forward again seeing that other girl come around and go for Lauren's ponytail.

I feel those arms holding me and see Lauren tilt her head all the way to the right, see that girl miss her hair, and see that other girl that still looks really mad, come up to Lauren, grab her shoulders, push her down, and knee her in the stomach.

I take that step, hear my sister and Ming cursing telling them to let them go and hear Hiro say, "She can handle."

I inhale, seeing Lauren push her shoulders into their shoulders, moving in between them, get through and behind them, see their surprised faces probably not knowing she's that strong, see Lauren turn around, grab their shoulders, hear them curse, knowing Lauren's probably squeezing their shoulders, and see her take two steps back, and pull them down, hearing those girls hit the floor with their backs.

I hear the exhales at our table, see those girls turn around on the floor, hearing their cursing, see them get up, that girl Mika faster than the other girl moving up towards Lauren, shake my head, knowing their only chance is taking her on at the same time, and see Lauren attack this time, probably mad about getting kneed in her stomach, seeing her left leg move back, her right leg moving forward, between those girl's legs, doing the splits facing forward and punch that girl in the stomach so hard I see that girl fall back, coughing.

Then I feel my eyes open, seeing that other girl going behind Lauren, grab her ponytail, and pull hard enough I hear Lauren yell, hearing myself tell him to let me go. I keep hearing him saying something about me calming down, that we all train together, hearing Caesar and Riley's voices saying something like that to, seeing Hiro move up, and hear her say, "Pinche estúpida! Es mío!" Then I see Lauren turn her face and body towards the floor, put her hands on the floor, see her bring her hips up, feel my exhale and my smirk knowing what's coming, see Lauren pick up her strong right leg, bend her left leg, push off the floor with her left leg, and move her hips up with that push, with both legs up in the air. A handstand. And then I see her bend her knees, see those pink and white vans move back, wide enough to fit a girl's head, and see her put those vans, those ankles, on each side of that girl's head, on each side of her neck. A proper sleep choker.

I see that girl's eyes get big, see her face figuring out she's not getting enough air I think, see her stand up straight letting go of Lauren's hair, see Lauren's legs straightened to keep that hold around her neck, and see that girl bring her hands up and grab Lauren's ankles. I see that girl's face getting red, knowing I should feel bad but I don't, and then inhale seeing that other girl moving up towards them. I hear Hiro's voice call Lauren, see Lauren look forward, see her inhale, and see those vans open, moving away from that girl, see that girl let go of Lauren's ankles, seeing her take a long breath, and see those legs open wide, wide enough I see those vans hit both those girls' faces.

I hear two screams and see the girl that she had in that sleep choker fall back, sideways, onto the floor. I look back at that other girl, see her stumbling back, see her stop, lean forward, hear her yell, "Anata wa kare ni ataishinai anata no minikui kurai orokana Mekishiko hito!," feeling my inhale, not knowing all of it but enough, feeling that hand hold me tighter, hearing my sister and Ming inhale, knowing they also know enough. I see that girl start taking those steps towards Lauren who now has her feet on the floor and see Lauren turn around facing that girl in that crouched position. I see that pretty almost evil smirk framed in that messy dark hair, see that girl get to Lauren, swing down toward Lauren's head, see Lauren block with her left hand and swing with her right hand up towards that girl's chin. I see that girl going back, back, until she lands on her back on the floor with a heavy thud and a scream this time. I exhale, seeing Hiro walking up to them, feel a pull back, then feel that sand I'm sitting on.

I see Hiro take those long steps, see him get to Lauren, see him crouch down to where Lauren is, feeling that arm around my waist, feeling that warmth, and feel my smile, seeing Hiro grab Lauren's chin and kiss her.

I look away, trying to give them privacy, and feel the exhale on my back, feeling my happiness. Then I hear those groans, I think from those two girls, look back, see Hiro move back from Lauren, grab her shoulders, pull her up with him, see him grab her hand and start walking towards our table, feeling my exhale.

I see that pretty smile, that messy hair, her blushing, start giggling, hearing my sister and Ming giggling to, and then hear a girl's voice say, "'Iro." I feel my eyes open, see Lauren look up at Hiro, see Hiro inhale, looking at our table with a serious look, see him keep walking, and hear that girl say, "'Iro you really think you can't have better, at least someone your family would be okay with? I mean I know, I know how your family probably is so," and I hear Lauren cut her off saying, "You don't know my boyfriend, you don't know anything about him estúpida, so don't talk to him like you do."

I hear that girl inhale, look back at her, see her standing up, holding her chin, see her squint her eyes at Lauren's back, and she says, "'Iro just listen," and feel my eyes open hearing Hiro's voice say, "Mika, if that's your damn name." I see her inhale, see her squint, probably mad that he didn't remember her name, and hear him say, "You disrespected her saying that shit and no one talks to her like that so don't be coming around cuz next time I ain't gonna stop her."

I see her inhale, see her exhale, see her maybe bite her lower lip, checking him out from behind, confusing me, and she says, "You know Japanese?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and roll my eyes. Then I feel my smile, feeling him scoot back, that forehead between my shoulder blades, hearing that groan. I see Hiro exhale, shake his head, and keep walking towards us. Then I hear another voice say, "My cousin's right 'Iro. Your family won't be okay with her. Real Japanese families care, specially if you know Japanese because that means they're really traditional and will want a girl that can speak," and hear Lauren cut her off saying, "And how do you know I can't speak it sata?"

I look over at Lauren, feel my smirk seeing her looking up at Hiro, and hear her say, "You don't know what languages I know, you don't know anything about me or my boyfriend or his family, and you really don't know anything about the Japanese culture because you can only say his name like that, 'Iro, if." I see her stop, I look over at Hiro, see him looking at her, hear her swallow I think, feeling my eyebrow rise, and she says, "If you're part of the family or he lets you call him that sata. So, calling him that just made him see you don't respect that culture or him. And next time you come near him or leave a note I will find you."

Then, I feel my eyebrow rise seeing Hiro let go of Lauren's hand, bend down in front of her, put his arm around her knees, pull them in, and see her fall over his shoulder. I start laughing, hearing my sister and Ming laughing with me, seeing them walking towards us, with Hiro carrying her like that, thinking maybe the guys just like doing that to us, and then, hearing them pass us to go around the table I hear a slap I think on someone's thigh and hear Hiro say, "What I tell you 'bout calling me that shit outside ma room?"

I feel start giggling, hearing my sister and Ming giggling to, and inhale, feeling that squeeze around my waist, feeling that breath on my neck, and hear him whisper, "Japanese now?"

I feel my smirk, know my cheeks are getting red again thinking that he thinks I know that much Japanese, and I say, "Just a few words and some sentences Laurie's teaching us." I feel that warm rough hand squeeze my waist and inhale, trying to remember when he put that hand under my shirt.

Then I hear, "Michael?" I look over at Ming, see her looking up at Caesar holding him around his waist, see him exhale looking at her, and he says, "You know I don't care 'bout that shit, just remember she'll fight dirty babe." I see her smirk, see her go up, kiss him, and I look away, trying to give them privacy.

Then I hear Ming's voice say, "Chi-Town bicycle! Why the fuck you here!"

I feel my eyes open, look over at the crowd, and see that girl, Caesar's ex, step out, wearing really tight black clothes, almost like she should be in one of those secret poetry society clubs and not a fight in school. I see her look up at Caesar I think and hear Ming say, "Nah bitch I'm talking to you! Answer me! The fuck you doing here!"

I see her look down at Ming, see her squint her eyes, see her tilt her head, seeing her long brown hair come down almost to her waist, those hoop earrings, and that heavy dark makeup. I exhale, wondering if she wanted to be here just to dress up, maybe so people, Caesar, could see her dressed up.

I see her roll her eyes, see her smirk, see Ming move up out of the corner of my eye, see Caesar holding her, and hear that girl say, "I'm here cuz I wanned to see your ass get beat in front of my man and then he could see how more down, more real, more what he knows, what he wants, I am than you, ugly ass China."

I move up, feel that hand squeeze my waist, hearing my sister and Lauren calling her lots of names, and then, feel my smirk, hearing the guys laughing.

I look back at them, see Riley and Hiro laughing, feel that head on my chin moving side to side, knowing he must be a little annoyed with everything that's happening, and hear that girl say, "The fuck! That ain't funny! You'll known my ass way fucken longer! You'll know I can beat any stupid bitch, that I'll do that shit for him cuz I'm more down, what he wants and," and hear Caesar's voice say, "Chantel!"

I look over at Caesar, see him inhale, hugging Ming from behind, see Ming holding his arms over her chest, and he says, "The hell's wrong with your ass? I don't wanna be with you. I don't, alright. Whatever we had is done, long fucken done. And don't be talking to them like you knew them cuz you didn't, you didn't any of my friends. Your ass was too fucken busy with your shit to know anything 'bout my ass ever and too." I see him stop, see him exhale, see Ming moving her hands over his arms, and he says, "Selfish to fucken ask, so all that time you think they knew you, they didn't fucken know you, and your ass didn't know them. And don't be talking like you ever beat anyone for my ass. You always knew I wasn't with those girls, knew that shit, cuz I don't fucken see other girls on the side when I'm with someone, no matter how fucked up things are, I don't do that shit, so you can stop playing that card cuz it don't fit you. And stop trying to get to my ass with that other shit you do, cuz my connects are getting fucken tired of having to block numbers every other fucken week."

I see Ming inhale, feel my exhale, remembering my bestie blocks those phone numbers almost every two weeks now, so much now Caesar just sends him a list and my bestie sends that list to those people he did some work for. That work I still want to know more about. I don't know about that part of him, that part he's told me about a little bit, a whole other chapter to his life that I still want to know more about, absorb it. I want to absorb all of it, the stuff he did, why he did that stuff, who asked him to do it, the government, or those people that I think are his friends now even if he says they're just connections. Those connections that help him protect people he cares about, like his friends and us. My warm, affectionate, ex-domestic terrorist that has his hand under my shirt. And I want to feel that hand. So, I put my left hand under my shirt, feel his left hand on the right side of my waist, and put my fingers through his, feeling that long exhale from him and that hand squeeze my waist.

Then I hear that girl say, "But why Caesar? I mean I know I fucked up for a minute, but I was wasted and just did stupid shit, but I'd be good to your ass now. I mean that was the only time I did that and then we broke up and," and I hear someone laughing, someone that's starting to be my friend I think, look over at him, see Dewey laughing with him now, and hear that girl say, "The fuck Cairo? That shit happened after and you don't know shit 'bout my ass before that."

I see Cairo stop laughing, see him look over at us, see him look at me I think, see him look back at her, and he says, "I ain't gonna say shit. Trying, fucken trying to not be mean and shit, but don't fucken lie Chantel."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at that girl, see her squint at Cairo, see her look back at us, at Caesar and Ming, and she says, "It only happened that one time and then we broke up Caesar and," and hear Caesar cut her off saying, "Nah, we didn't break up, breaking up means we both wanted that shit. I dropped your ass on the fucken sidewalk and told you I never wanted to see you, blocked your number, even if you'd still call me from other numbers, and every time you'd come around they'd tell you I wasn't fucken home. So, nah, we didn't break up, I dumped your ass, and I don't want you. And I ain't gonna compare no one cuz that's disrespectful, like you did talking about my girl, like that shit's gonna make me wanna be with you knowing I don't take kindly to anyone talking shit 'bout who I'm with, meaning you still don't know my ass so," and hear her cut him off saying, "But Caesar I," and hear Ming say, "Do not ever fucken interrupt my man."

I see that girl inhale, see her take a step up, and hear Caesar say, "Chantel what do you want? Really, for real Chantel, I don't want your ass. After today I ain't gonna want you no matter what you do, so just stay with whoever you're with now. Shit you even got more options now, so just be with them or keep 'em busy."

I see that girl look away, see her exhale, and she says, "Yeah I got more options, but the only other I kinda want ain't available, the ones that are around ain't what I want, and you saying all that right now just reminded me what I already know, that you're one of them that will be good to me cuz you're just like that, you always been one of the real ones, never cared 'bout how many would look at your ass, didn't even see them cuz you're just like that, and." I see her stop, see her look at Caesar, and she says, "I had you, we were together for a long ass time and I could still make your ass happy, more than any ugly ass China, so just let me papi."

I inhale, see Ming start walking up to her, and hear her say, "Take those fucken earrings off cuz you're gonna loose them. Now!" I see that girl inhale, see her take off her earrings, putting them in her pocket, not knowing they were clip-ons, and hear her yell, "Chicas!" I feel my eyebrow rise, see the crowd moving, look over, and see two girls step out, wearing the same kind of clothes Caesar's ex is wearing. I feel my inhale, seeing Ming almost getting to that girl, see Ming put her hair up in a low bun, exhale, knowing she knows her hair's too long to up in a ponytail or they'll try grabbing it.

I look back at those two girls, see them walk up to Caesar's ex, and stand on each one of her sides, like they were planning this. Three against one, like my sister. I inhale, knowing Black Jesus is watching. And then I see those two girls step up, covering that girl, shake my head, and see them both lunge themselves at Ming, I think going for her arms.

I inhale, see Ming run those last steps up to them, bend her knees, see her jump up, high, at least three feet high, feel my smirk, see her left leg come up, straight up, kick the girl on her left, hear the scream from that bright white van hitting that chin, see the other girl's eyes open, see her hesitate, and see Ming come back down, and slap that girl, seeing that girl's face moving to the right and hearing her yell.

I see the one girl she kicked going back, see that other girl turn back to Ming, see her stretch her hand out towards Ming's head, I think trying to grab it, feel myself move forward, and see Ming block her, bring that left leg up into her chest and kick that leg, that foot, out into that girl's stomach, hearing that girl cough.

Then I see that other girl going for Ming's shoulder, inhale, see Ming block her, see her punch that girl in the chest, hearing that curse, and feeling my exhale. I see that other girl coming back with her right fist going for Ming's face, see Ming put her hand up and grab that fist, push it back, and feel myself move forward, seeing that girl use her other hand to punch Ming in the stomach, hearing cursing from my sister and Lauren.

I see Ming move back a step, see her look up, see that girl move up, put her hand on Ming's head, hear myself tell him to let me go, feeling that hand squeeze my waist, and see Ming's right leg come up sideways, a move she says she knows from her kickball days, and see that leg move towards that girl and kick her in the shoulder, hearing that girl curse.

I see that girl move her hand away from Ming's head, feel my exhale, feel that sand moving under me, and see that other girl move up towards Ming with both hands out going for her face, feel my mouth open, and see Ming bring her fists up, see her move them in between those girl's arms, use them to move them part, see Ming lean down, and push the top of her head into the girls face, hearing the hit and some inhales.

I see that girl falling back, hear Caesar call Ming, and feel my eyes open, seeing the other girl come up behind Ming and put her arm around Ming's neck, thinking about my bb gun for some reason. I feel myself stand up, seeing that other girl swing at Ming and hear the hit, hearing myself telling him to let me go now, hearing Riley and Hiro's voices saying something about calming down, seeing Caesar walking up to them, and hear Ming yell, "Shut up you hoe! Fucken nasty asses wanting to share him!," feeling my eyes open.

And feel my exhale, seeing Ming swing her head back and connect to that girl's face, hearing the yell, and see that girl falling back. Then I hear that other girl curse, look back, and see Ming's fist in that girl's stomach. I inhale, feeling a cold I didn't feel until right now over my waist, feel something, I think my sweater being pulled down over my waist, and feel my eyes open seeing Caesar's ex come up behind Ming, and swing at her back, hearing myself and my friends scream her name.

I see Caesar get to them and feel my inhale, seeing Ming turning around, straightening her right arm, and swinging it back, backhanding that girl. I exhale, seeing Caesar about ten feet away from them, see Ming turned completely around, facing that girl, see her eyes focus on that girl, and she says, "Fucken nasty ass! Told them you'd share him!"

I feel my eyes open, see that girl lunge herself at Ming, towards her stomach I think, see that evil smirk on Ming, feeling my exhale, knowing what's coming, see Ming bend her knees, jump up, high, almost four feet high this time, see that girl's head go under Ming's right arm, see that girl put her arms around Ming's waist, feel my smirk, and see Ming come down from that jump, putting her arm under that girl's head, around her neck.

I feel that pull back, see that girl swing at Ming's waist, inhale, see Ming bend down, I'm sure cutting her air more, and see those two other girl's coming up behind Ming. I inhale, hear Caesar's ex scream something in Spanish, and see Ming stand up straight, feeling my smirk because these girls don't know how many languages we know, if only a little. I see Ming let go of that girl's neck, bring her right hand up, and then her elbow down in that middle of that girl's back, hearing that girl scream, then put her palms on that girl's back, feel my smirk seeing Ming jump up, and kick back with both feet into those girls' chests so hard I hear them scream. I see those girls go back, back, landing on their back and shoulder on the floor with that thud, feeling my exhale and that sand under me.

Then I see Caesar's ex put her arms around Ming's waist, using that same move, shake my head, and see Ming twist her body towards that girl, bring both arms up, then both elbows down on that girl's back. I see that girl let go, hearing her scream this time, loud, and see her land on the floor, on her face, and know I don't feel bad for that girl, not even a little.

I hear those groans from those other girls, look over at them, see them moving back and forth with their hands on their chests, hoping they stay down because I know if they get up Ming's going to kick harder remembering they all wanted her boyfriend, and hear Ming's voice say, "Let go stupid bitch."

I look back at Ming, see she's closer to us now, like she took two steps up, and see her looking down at Caesar's ex who's holding her ankle. I hear a groan from that girl, hear her say something I can't hear, and hear Ming inhale. I look up at Ming, see her looking down at that girl, and hear her say, "The fuck you are. You never have him you dumb bitch. He deserves better than some fucken hoe that gotta get other girls to help her fight for him, telling them you'd share him, fucken nasty, and why the fuck you share someone like him you stupid," and see those dreads get to Ming covering her, see him bend down in front of her, put his arm around her knees, pull them in, and see Ming fall over his shoulder. I see Caesar stand up, see that girl on the floor looking up at him, with her mouth open, feeling my eyebrow rise, thinking maybe she forgot what he looks like up close, see him turn with Ming over his shoulder, and see him start walking towards us, knowing for sure the guys like doing that to us.

And when did I sit back down on Huey's lap? I hear the giggling from my sister and Lauren, feel my smirk, seeing Caesar holding Ming by her thigh, seeing him get to us, and hear that voice say, "Riley."

I look over at Hiro, see that smirk, look over at Riley, see him roll his eyes, see him smirk back at him, and he says, "Damn Hiro. Yeah. No hoe fight. Get your ass the money 'morrow."

I feel my eyebrow rise and like the squirrel I am I say, "But." I see Riley look at me, see him smirk, seeing how cute my little half-brother is, and he says, "Had to be only hoes fighting and nun you hoes sis, so I lose."

I feel my smile, feel that chin on my shoulder, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and then hear her yell, "I'll have them! I don't care! Everyone Attack!"

I hear the inhales at our table and look over at the crowd. Two, four, eight, ten, fifteen, twenty I think of those guys stepping out of the crowd. I feel myself stand up, take that step up, and feel those hands grab my waist. I feel him let go of my waist, see him move around me, see him turn to me, see those reds look at me, feeling my smirk, see him inhale with those cute pursed lips, and he says, "Jazmine don't."

I open my mouth, see him turn, and see him start running with Riley, Caesar, and Hiro towards those twenty guys, see them get to them, and then inhale, seeing those other six guys that were leaning on the wall, that they already fought, start running in towards the fight.

I inhale, seeing the fighting, and hear my sister curse. I look over at the crowd of just students now and see those girls moving in, look at all of them, see them looking at the guys, each one looking at a different guy. Darn it. I take that step, feel my legs moving, feel myself running, hear someone call me, and I say, "They won't hit them! Protect your charge and only help if you can!"

The three girls my sister fought going after Huey, the two girls Lauren fought going after Riley, the three girls Ming fought going after Hiro, and Miranda and Michelle I think going after Caesar. And the guys don't hit girls.

I get to that afro, that broad back, see him swing at a guy, slide under that arm, get to her, the girl with those scratches on her face, punch directly into that chest, hearing her scream, feeling my inhale from that feeling in my fist, and feel a pull. Darn it, my hair. I close my eyes from the pain, step back, feel her body, feel that hit in my stomach, feel my inhale, swing my head back, feeling my head hit her jaw, hear the scream behind me, and feel her let go of my hair. I open my eyes, see that second girl my sister fought, and swing my right fist at her face.

I see her fall back, knowing that's three girls, see a fist from the corner of my eye, bring my left arm up covering my stomach, feel that push up on my arm, bring my right hand up, and punch directly into that stomach to the left of my body. I hear her cough, look over, see one of those girls Ming fought fall back, and feel that arm going over my neck. I inhale, making my neck stiff, feel that arm holding me, trying to not let me breathe, know her face is by my shoulder hearing her breathe, swing back with my left elbow back into that stomach, hearing the yell, that yell, and feel that arm letting go of my neck. I push that arm away, turn, and inhale seeing her. I see those icy blue eyes, see her inhale with that blood on her lips, see her eyes open, and she says, "I paid enough and you're not coming back!"

Then I feel that hit in my side, inhale, bring my right hand into my chest, my elbow up, and swing my arm sideways as hard as I can. I feel that chest, hear the couch, feel that chest falling back, not caring which girl I just hit, and feel my eyes open seeing her, that girl, too close to my sister, walking towards her. I grab her shoulder, move her out of the way, knowing I need to get to her, feel her grab my shoulders, know what's coming, put my hands over my stomach, feel her knee come into my stomach, and push it back down. I hear her curse, see that girl getting to my sister, lean my upper body back about twenty degrees like he taught us, bring my right leg up bending my knee, kick her in her stomach, hearing her scream I think, and feel my leg come up higher, kick her in her face, hearing her scream for sure, seeing her fall back towards the right, feel myself stumble back, lean forward, and see her stretching her hand out to grab my sister.

I start running, pass some arms, slide under Caesar's arm, pass that jerk I just saw Caesar punching in the face, see that hand five inches away from her, take those last big steps, too big, press down with my strong right leg, jump, feel myself off the ground, bring my left leg up, and kick in her direction. I see my converse hit her chest, hear her curse loud, see her falling back, blink, remembering, feel gravity pulling me down towards the floor, bring my legs under me, pushing my shoulders forward, and feel that floor with my feet.

I inhale, rocking back and forth on my feet, remembering it's still dangerous but she's my sister, and hear her call me. I look up, see her wide eyes, see her smile, that big pretty smile, and remembering, I look over at Miranda. I see her moving on the floor, back and forth, feel those hands on my shoulders, feel her pull me up, look at those dark ocean blue eyes, see her exhale with that smile, and she says, "You my everything."

I smile, hear the fighting, feel my eyes open, look around, then to my right, and feel my eyes open more seeing that guy Hiro's punching in the chest, hearing the really loud curse from that guy, and inhale remembering seeing him hiding behind those guys. Hiding from the fight. The fight. I shake my head, look around, at the floor, see the bodies, and count. Almost all of them. Who's missing? Maybe some people just stopped fighting. I look up, hear Cairo I think say my name, hear my sister call me, and then I feel it, that cold snake-like feeling around my stomach. I feel it pull me back, hard, feel my cough with the force of it, inhale, remembering what I'm supposed to do but that's if he grabs my shoulder first. Don't panic. What's next? Hit him.

I feel my knees bend enough and jump, feeling that arm holding me so tight around my waist I can barely move up. But, I feel that hit with the top of my head and swing my head back, knowing that really hurt me but at least I feel that hand let go and hear him curse. I feel that small, strong hand grab my arm, pull me towards her, feel myself stumble forward, feel her hug me, feel my smile, hugging her back, and then remembering, I pull back, kissing her forehead, and I turn around, feeling my eyes open seeing that mocha colored fist hit Zack's face. When did Zack get here? I don't remember him being here, even behind those guys. Where was he this whole time? How is he that creepy?

And seeing Zack falling back with that hit, I see him stumble back instead, see him look up at Huey, see his eyes get big, and see him swing with his right fist at Huey. I see that mocha colored arm block and then swing with that same hand, that fist, hitting Zack's chest so hard I see him fall back this time, falling on the floor. I look back at Huey, see those shoulders shaking, see him move up, and I move up, hugging him from behind, and say, "Huey, I'm okay. Only hit him if he gets up, please."

I feel him exhale with the shaking and hear Zack curse. I look around that torso and feel my eyes open seeing Cairo moving back from Zack. Did Cairo just kick Zack? Then I hear that bang, look up to my left, and see those tables in front of the double doors they must've put there while the fighting was happening. Then, I hear another bang, see those tables move with that bang, and hear that voice say, "Who's in there! Why is the door blocked! Move whatever's blocking these doors!"

I feel my eyes open hearing the steps, running, look around, and see those guys and some of those students that were in here running behind us, I think towards the emergency door.

I exhale, remembering I told my bestie to only use that door if it got bad, squeeze that hard torso, feeling him exhale longer, and let go of him. I turn towards those tables, start walking up to them, and say, "Huey, sis, everyone, go. I'll tell them I started it. You're all on teams or trying to do good so just go."

I get to the tables, inhale, start moving the first one, and say, "Yes Mr. Ramirez. It's me. I got locked in here and didn't follow orders. I'm sorry I'll," and feel those hands grab my arms, feel him pull me back, feel him put his arms around my shoulders, around my chest, feeling him hug me from behind, feeling my inhale and the redness, maybe from the fighting but probably from him hugging me like this, so cuddly, where there's no table covering us or lockers behind us, and hear him whisper, "That Jazmine head. Move."

I open my mouth, feel him let go of me, feel those hands on my arms, feel him move me a step to the left, see him step in front of those tables, and see him start moving the tables. Then I smell that vanilla lotion on my right shoulder, feel my sister's head on my left shoulder, look over at her, kiss her head, hearing her exhale, look to the front again, seeing my bestie, his brother, and the guys moving those tables, and hear Ming say in that small voice, "I'm so happy we moved here."

I look over at her, over my sister's head, see some of those long layers out of that low bun, and see her smiling looking at Caesar helping move those tables, feeling my smile.

Then I hear that groan, feel my eyebrow rise, look over to my right, pass that pretty and messy dark hair, and see those girls and guys on the floor, feeling my sister's head leave my shoulder, probably trying to see who's still here. I look up, see Mr. Leon looking at us standing next to the wall, exhale, seeing him squint his eyes at me, and I squint my eyes back.

Then, hearing those doors open, I look to the front, and see Mr. Ramirez standing there with that funny smirk looking at us. I feel my smile and hear us say, 'What up Mr. R,' 'What up homie,' 'Hi Mr. Ramirez,' and 'Hi Mr. R,' all at the same time. I see him smile, see him start laughing, and I can't help but start laughing, hearing my friends laughing to.

Then I hear that voice say, "It's good you finally got here because these misbehaved, criminally inclined," see Mr. Ramirez look over at him and cut him off saying, "Sir, I would be careful as to what you say happened in here seeing as it is your job to stop the kinds of situations that more than likely happened here and that could show your inefficiency at actually performing your job."

I feel my mouth open, look over at Mr. Leon, and see him looking really mad, standing behind those bodies on the floor that I can see are starting to move. And then I hear more groans, look down at those bodies, see Ashley and Michelle sit up, see Michelle look over at us, see her squint at me, feel my eyes roll, see her look over at Mr. Ramirez I think, and she says, "This wasn't my fault! I was only in here to find out why he was in here and then she said the only way she would tell them to not beat me up was if I fought them to and," and see Ashley lunge herself at Michelle from the floor.

I exhale, seeing Mr. Leon trying to separate them, and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "I believe this is going to take some time to investigate so how about you all go to your fourth period, seeing as everyone is being told to attend at least the last half of that class, and if we need to question any of you about this, we'll call you in."

I feel my eyes open, look over at Mr. Ramirez, and see him exhale looking kind of annoyed looking at Michelle and Ashley, hearing Mr. Leon telling Ashley to stop it.

I open my mouth, feel that rough hand grab my hand, hear him thank Mr. Ramirez, and hear that monotone voice say, "We're walking you all to class."

I hear the other guys say something, like thank you to Mr. Ramirez, feel Lauren's hand leave my shoulder, feel that pull in my hand, put my fingers through his, and feel my smile, following that worrywart afro into the hallway, pass an annoyed looking Mr. Ramirez that's looking at those bodies on the floor.

* * *

I hear her say, "That's some shit Jazzy." I feel my smile, exhale, and hear her say, "Yeah, so what happened to us was that we just all got to the quad, went to our homeroom teachers, where we'd practiced to go in case of a fire or whatever, and just stood there cuz the ground was too cold to even sit on. Then, after walking around for like an hour, just talking, some dumbasses walking over to other classes they weren't supposed to go to, knowing we all missed our third and we were probably gonna miss fourth, our teachers said the security guards were done checking the school and there was no fire. We all knew that shit and knew it's the last day so somebody's gonna pull the fire alarm but I knew something was happening in the cafeteria and I kept calling your phone but you didn't pick up." I giggle, go up, kiss her head, hearing her giggle, not remembering her giggle before, and hear her say, "So, yeah, like, after over an hour of just standing there, our homeroom teacher said it was a false alarm, we all needed to go to our fourth period, and if we wanted our grade or extra credit work from our third period we were gonna have to e-mail our teacher. But that was all so boring compared to the shit you all did."

I hear my laugh, hearing her laugh with me, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "You sound okay Jazzy, you sound better than okay. I'm so happy."

I exhale, hugging her shoulders, and say, "Remember we need to hang out during vacation. The mall, my house, just you, you and Phil, you and your friends, I don't care okay. We just have to hang out."

I feel her stop walking, open my eyes, feel her turn, move my arm and my head back, and see her come in, feeling her hug me. I feel my smile, hug her back, feeling those braids in my face in that side ponytail she has today, and hear her whisper, "You don't lie Jazzy and thanks." I feel her exhale and hear her say, "Thanks for not letting stupid shit I said, how sad I was when I moved here away from my friends and parents, how lost I kinda felt, taking it out on you, stop you from being like you are, being like you are with me, being my friend."

I exhale, hug her tighter, and say, "Lena, you made it really easy when you came after me and," I feel her inhale, hug her even tighter, and say, "And didn't really wanna fight me because if you did you wouldn't have tried talking to me first, then just being my friend that easy, just talking to me, walking with me, making me laugh, making our fourth not so hard for me knowing you would be walking with me after and I could complain about that jerk that had all those awesome bruises on his face today, and." I hear that laugh, feel my laugh, and say, "And we're gonna keep sitting next to each other, and he's gonna keep looking like a dumb jerk in the middle of class like he did today, and more important than that, we're gonna keep helping each other when we feel bad and with any other things and." I feel her move her face over my shoulder, feeling my smile get bigger, and I say, "And, when we look back at how we met we can remember that Huey was just lucky to meet you first because then he kind of introduced us, and then I passed it on when I introduced you to Phil, who I never ever, ever, saw blush like he did that first day you smiled at him."

I feel her other arm hug me and hear her say, "After all that shit, moving here, how hard that was at the beginning, everyone here, the stupid Marcus thing that's still a stupid thing, and then being close with you, with other friends I have here now, meeting my ex-chocolate-gangster, and," I can't help laughing at that, remembering she calls him that sometimes, hear her laugh, and hear her say, "And just that shit with that stupid bitch that still fucken looks at him sometimes but doesn't even try to come close cuz she probably knows I'll throw it down with her, and then you telling me all that shit I should'a known, that he thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm more than pretty, and I can't believe sometimes someone that cute, smart, and nice thinks that of me, but he does, and you helped me not break up with him, and then you even helped me having a great fucken weekend with my little cousin, who's always gonna be my little cousin cuz she's four months littler than me and pinky swear on things we're both gonna keep, and it made her laugh and she loved that shit. Thank you for that Jazzy. Lily said thank you."

I inhale, feel those tears on my shoulder, and I just hug her. Then I hear the first bell ring, hug her tighter, and say, "You okay? I can ask Ms. Reed if I can go in late."

I hear her laugh, feel her move away, see those pretty charcoal eyes, see her smile, see her wipe those tears, and she says, "Nah, I'm good Jazzy. Just happy tears. Go and I'll call you next week so we can plan to hang out maybe after New Year's cuz my parents want my sister and me at their house, at least for sure me cuz my sister's still gonna work, but they want me to be with them every day, so I'll have to meet you somewhere close to my parent's house, like maybe the mall or maybe we can all go out somewhere to do something cool, okay?"

I feel my smile, nod, see her smile, see her turn, and see her start walking to her class.

I turn, see him smirking at me, roll my eyes, walk up to the door, and say, "First bell Cairo."

I walk into class, see Ms. Reed at the board, see her smile at me, and motion with her head for me to go sit down. I smile, nod, and walk over to my desk.

Then I feel my eyebrow rise seeing a paper on my desk. I look up at Adah, see her looking at me, and see her shake her head with her pretty eyebrow raised.

I walk up to my desk, sit down, putting my backpack on the floor, hear the second bell ring, and hear a chair move in front of me. I look back down at that note on my desk, see the pretty writing on the other side of the note in blue ink I think, and inhale seeing that thin pretty writing where she probably used that really nice pen, knowing I only remember because it is a really nice pen and I just saw her handwriting last week. I exhale, knowing I should just throw it out, and then see a guy's hand grab that paper.

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at him, see him open it, see him read it, and see him inhale. I open my mouth and then see him look over at Michelle I think. I see him exhale, looking at her, thinking maybe. Then, I see him turn around, stand up, walk over to front door, and feel my eyes open, seeing him rip that paper in tiny pieces, into the trashcan by the door.

Then I hear her say, "Really Cairo! Really!"

I feel my mouth open, look over at Michelle, see her looking at Cairo, and hear Ms. Reed say, "Michelle, I think Cairo just did you a favor and I suggest you stop this right now because grades are not in yet, that includes your cooperation marks."

I hear that loud exhale from her, feel my lips purse, feel my exhale, and grab my backpack to take out my notebook and pen. Then I hear his footsteps, hear the chair in front of me move, and hear Ms. Reed start writing on the board again. I inhale, putting my notebook on my desk, and say quietly, "You didn't have to do that Cairo but," I exhale, knowing that was nice, and I say, "That was really nice of you, so thank you."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Just keep reminding my ass 'bout that bell cuz I kinda forget shit like that sometimes and I do that shit a lot in ma other classes but I don't got people there that remind me."

I inhale, thinking maybe he doesn't have a lot friends other than Dewey and the girls he's met here. I feel my lips purse, nod, and say, "Deal."

Then I hear Ms. Reed say, "Okay everyone. Of course today is supposed to be a free day where we will be discussing grades, which I will be submitting to the school board next week, after grading any possible extra credit work, and wanted to just let you all talk between yourselves about anything you want but."

I hear her stop, look up at her from my notebook where I was writing the date, see her inhale looking around the class, see her exhale, and she says, "But in the last few weeks there have been some disruptions when I let you have group discussions and I'm afraid if I do let you all talk between yourselves it might turn out badly and so what I want to do is maybe have a democratic process where you all set certain rules for today that you will all police. Rules by the people, for the people, where if there's any disruption, the exercise will end and everyone will have to simply stay quiet throughout the hour, reading or writing, of course with no access to your cell phones, not talking to anyone, on your last day, last period of the semester. During this time I will of course also talk to students, if I have not previously talked to them, one at a time about their grades. So again, this an exercise on governing democratically, where you all choose the rules, implement them, police them, and are punished with ending this free period, if the rules are not followed. We can start by everyone writing a rule you want to be implemented into this new government on a piece of paper without your name please, I will then read them out loud, tossing out any negative ones that of course go against the class codes. You will then all vote on whether you want that rule entered into the laws of the hour. I will count votes with hands raised with everyone's eyes closed so no one can know how anyone voted and if I see anyone open their eyes during that exercise that person will simply spend the hour writing an essay about why you felt the need to open your eyes, which will be graded, and will affect your overall class grade. So, let's start. Remember the class codes, write down only one rule you want for the next hour, and turn it in, with the only suggestion I do have for those rules possibly being that they lead to a peaceful class period and there is as little policing on the class's part as possible in order for you all to enjoy this last hour of the semester. You have two minutes to write down your suggested rule. The two minutes start now."

I feel my eyes open. This is awesome.

* * *

I see her smile, hear her laugh, and can't help but laugh with her, hearing Johnny laugh to.

I exhale and say, "I still can't believe someone, two people, asked for those rules."

I see her shoulders move up and down, see her look down at the paper, making her 'X' on the square, see her give me back the paper, and she says, "All I know is I didn't ask for that and I know my boyfriend didn't either."

I nod, look down at the paper, and say, "I know Adie. I didn't think it was you two even for a second, but I guess other people in class just don't think it's a good idea to have them sitting together."

I hear them laugh and hear Johnny say, "Or in Jazmine's group."

I start laughing even more, hearing Adah laugh harder with me this time, hearing the talking, music from one group, and laughing in class between other small groups, and make my 'X' on the paper. I give the paper back to her, exhale, and look up, seeing Michelle at one end of the class, look over and see Mackenzie at the other end, looking bored and mad, not talking to the people around them.

Then I hear the chair to my left move, look over at him, see him exhale, and hear Johnny say, "Everything okay Cairo?"

I see him look up at Johnny, see him shake his head with his eyebrow raised, and he says, "Nah. I mean, yeah, I guess. I'll pass to the next semester with you'll but I'ma still just be passing."

I ask, "Did she give you extra credit work you can do?"

I see him look at me, see him smirk, nod, and he says, "Yeah. Said if I can turn in a paper, just one sheet, on Marx or that other guy, Weber I think, it can bring up my grade to I don't know, like a C so I don't get a C minus."

I hear Adah say, "Are you gonna do it because if you are I can show you some of my notes on Weber?"

I see him look at her, smirk, see him nod, and he says, "Yeah. That'd be cool. Thanks."

Then I hear Johnny say, "I have a lot notes to on both of them after studying for finals and I can show you those notes so maybe you can even do your paper on both. I think Ms. Reed would like that, showing her you're really wanting to get a higher grade."

I feel my small smile, looking down at the table, that table where we did so much writing, and I say, "It'll be really awesome to write a paper on each just for fun. I mean to just talk and talk about them, how one talked about groups with economic power create class power, creating status power, keeping that group with that economic power in power, and then like comparing it to Karl Marx saying we gotta break that circle, that cycle of power and class and status, and start a whole new society where that stuff doesn't exists, where we're all the same, where everyone has all the fundamental stuff they need, all the things that will make them be what they wanna be, and nothing can stop people from helping each other, and then we'll save all the horses."

I need to write this down. I look down at my paper, start writing it, and hear Cairo's voice say, "You just said you wanna save horses?"

I look up at him from my notes, see his raised eyebrow, and I can't help but start laughing, hearing Johnny and Adah laugh, and then hearing Cairo laugh.

Then I hear Adah say, "I always wanted to ask you about that. So did you get a horse from Mr. Wuncler when you were little?"

I feel my eyes open, look at her, see her smiling at me, and I say, "Wait. How do you know about that?"

I see her smile get bigger, seeing how pretty she is, and hear Johnny's voice say, "Um Jazmine, everyone kind of knew about that."

I look at him and say, "What?" I see him start laughing, see him exhale, and he says, "I remember when it happened and my father said there was some kind of investigation after, it was even on the news, but the only thing they found was that Mr. Wuncler was supposed to give you a horse but no one ever knew if it really happened and I think everyone just thought it didn't end up happening because of what happened to your stand."

I feel my mouth open and say, "What?"

I hear Adah laugh, look over at her, see her exhale, and she says, "It's okay Jazzy. You don't have to be too worried about that. I don't think anyone remembers. I mean I only remember because we went to school together and it was really nice to know someone that was our age did that kind of stuff."

I see her smirk at me, feeling my smile, and hear Cairo say, "A'ight, what?"

I start laughing, exhale, looking at my paper with 'will save the horses' written on it and say, "I'll just tell you the short story."

I exhale, looking at my paper with the tic-tac-toe games, my notes at the bottom, and say, "It was really hot for February and…."

I look up at him, see his mouth open with his eyebrow raised, and he says, "So you been a hustler since you were ten?"

I feel my mouth open, hear Adah and Johnny laughing, and start laughing with them.

I shake my head and say, "Cairo didn't you hear that my stand was burned down and I didn't even get that horse? That's not being hustler. I think I got hustled. I mean I even owed Mr. Wuncler money afterwards."

I see him exhale, see him smirk, possibly blush, and he says, "Did you pay his ass?"

I exhale, roll my eyes, and nod. I inhale remembering that argument. So many arguments. My mom saying they should just pay it from their money and him saying the money should come out of my bank account, my college savings account, because I was the one that signed the contract and I needed to learn a lesson. I mean really. I was ten.

I hear him say my name, look back him, see him looking worried I think, smile at him, and say, "I'm okay. Yeah, I paid him and that was the last time I signed any contract with Mr. Wuncler."

I see him nod, see his small smile, and hear Adah say, "I don't think anyone knows the whole story. It's kind of sweet."

I look at her, smile, feeling my face get a little warm, and say, "Yeah. It is. I still don't know all of the details about how he did it, but I know he emailed a bunch of organizations that protests child labor, they showed up, started singing, the other people there got mad, and then there was the fire."

I hear them laughing, start laughing with them, and hear Cairo say, "Got more stories 'bout hustling when normal kids be going to school?"

I look over at him, see him smirking, feel my smirk, and I say, "Lots but those involve lots of other people and I don't know if they want me talking about those stories."

I see his eyebrow rise, feel that hand grab me, look over at Adah, see her smile, and she says, "We can make one of those stories on Christmas Eve."

I laugh, nod, and say, "I think we're going but I don't know if he'll go because you know." I see her smirk, see her nod, and she says, "If he can, if not, just come with your sister. I'll be there with my mom and dad."

I nod, hear the bell ring, look over at Johnny, see him smiling at Adah, and I say, "Thanks for inviting us Johnny."

I see him look at me, see him give me a small smile, and he says, "Of course, you and Huey and anyone you want to bring can come. The doors to our church are always open, even if you don't completely believe in the teachings. Just come."

I nod, feel her hug me, exhale, hug her back, and whisper, "Happy holidays Adie." I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "Merry Christmas Jazzy, but remember I still wanna see you for Christmas Eve and on vacation. Maybe I don't know, we can all go see a movie or something okay?"

I exhale, nod, and say, "That would be great Adie."

I feel her let go, see them move the desks back, see her grab his hand, and see him shake his head, walking away with her.

I turn my desk back, put my notebook in my backpack, and hear him say, "You a'ight?"

I look up at him, see him looking at me with that worried look I think, feel my small smile, and say, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

I see him exhale and he says, "You got quiet and shit again when I asked if you paid his ass."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Yeah, just some things that happened back then but I'm okay and honestly it was fun remembering that, talking about it with people that don't know about that stuff, talking about just how much fun it was."

I see him exhale and he says, "A'ight."

I nod and say, "Well, happy holidays. I'm just gonna stay here. I'll see you in a few weeks okay?"

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "You ain't walking out? Waiting for," see him stop, inhale, and he says, "His ass, in here?"

I nod and say, "Yeah. Too much happened today and I still don't know if we're in trouble and I really don't want more stuff happening today so I'm just gonna wait here."

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "Can I." I see him stop, see him blush, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him exhale, and he says, "Can I hug you, you know, for like the holidays and shit?"

I feel my mouth open, see him look away, see him exhale, and hear him say, "It's cool if you don't," and hear that voice say, "Jazmine."

I look up to my right, see those reds, see them looking down at me, smile at him, and say, "Hi bestie. I was about to give Cairo a hug for the holidays, being nice, and kicking Zack."

I see those eyebrows lower, see him exhale, and I mouth, 'He was nice, I only want you, and I'll flip him.'

I see that long exhale, see him inhale, and see him nod with a longer exhale. I smile at him, look back at Cairo, see him looking at me, and I stand up. I see him stand up and move in and give him a side hug. I feel him exhale hugging me and I step back, feeling his arm leave me.

I feel my small smile, see him nod with that blush, and I say, "Happy holidays. I'll see you in a few weeks."

I see him exhale, hear him say, "See you 'round," feeling my eyebrow rise, see him look down, grab his backpack, and see him turn and start walking to the front door.

I look back at those eyes, see that annoyed look, take that step up, putting my knee on the chair, and move up, kissing those lips and closing my eyes. I smell that breath, feeling him kiss me back, remember we're in class and no matter how affectionate he is now, even in public, I don't want to push him, so I move back. I open my eyes, see those burgundies turning into that dark burgundy I really like, and I say, "Let's go bestie because we still need to go to the nursing home and the shelter and then I wanna go home and keep kissing you."

I see that cute smirk and he says, "Fine, but you're sitting on my lap while you kiss me and tell me about whatever Jazmine things you did today."

I feel my smile, my face getting really red thinking he wants to know about my day even if the day hasn't ended yet, and say, "Okay bestie."

* * *

I exhale, kiss her head, feeling her hug my waist, and hear her say, "Don't worry Jazzy. Maybe I can text you about another book I think you'll like and you can start reading it during your vacation."

I smile, feel her let go of me, and see her start typing on the keyboard.

Then I hear the door open, look up, and see that blue uniform and that small afro.

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Mr. Ramirez?"

I see him smirk at me and see him walk up to the desk, not remembering him being that tall. He might be taller than Huey.

I see him get to the desk, see him look to my right, and see him stop, and not say anything with his mouth opened, I think blushing.

I blink and say, "Mr. Ramirez am I in trouble?"

I see him blink, see him look at me, and he says, "No Jazmine. Not at all. The investigation was closed when certain students refused to give information on what happened and then of course what some faculty is stating happened cannot be verified by anyone other than him, especially after the other students we interviewed are contradicting what he stated. So the result is that we're going to be closing the investigation, unless of course the parents of the students suspected of planning that ordeal want to have us continue investigating and at least as of the end of the school day, all of them said they don't want us to proceed with the investigation."

I feel my smile, see him smirk at me, and I say, "Thank you Mr. Ramirez, but I think the school has my cell phone number and my mom's so you could've called to tell us that. I mean, it's nice you came all the way here, but you didn't have to."

I see him smile, see he really does look like Frank with how tall he is, his nice small afro, how kind of good looking he is with that big warm smile and light brown eyes, and he says, "Well since today is the last day of school and you will not be returning for several weeks, I didn't want you to be without your reading material."

I feel my eyebrow rise and see him raise a clear plastic bag he's holding, seeing the cover of my book, _To 'Joy My Freedom_, with Lauren's purple notebook with 'Puerto Rican Chic' written in those awesome Japanese letters in the front, my sister's Sports Illustrated magazine with too many awesome drawings on all of the faces of those athletes on the front cover, and Ming's red binder with that map of China and the Caribbean Sea she drew right next to each other, all inside that clear plastic bag. All I can see are the edges of that notebook, that magazine, and that binder but I know them, and know we used those things to hit that racist jerk's face.

I feel my mouth open, my smile, and start jumping up and down saying, "Oh my Black Jesus thank you so much Mr. Ramirez! I was gonna have to buy that book again or maybe get another book but I was gonna miss my book and I totally forgot we used them to hit Mr. Leon and," and hear him cut me off saying, "Jazmine."

I stop jumping, see him smirking at me, and he says, "It's probably best I don't know why these things were by that table you all hang out at during lunch but I knew because of you writing your name on the inside of that book that they belonged to you and probably your sister, Ming, and Lauren, and since you weren't going to see these until the school opened again after your vacation, I remembered your sister said you and Huey volunteer here and the shelter, so I wanted to bring them to you so you can give them to your sister and friends."

I feel my smile, hoping he stays being our security guard at school forever, see him smile, and he says, "I also happened to have read that book in college and I knew you probably wanted to get to the chapter where they talk about some of the good things during that time."

I blink and say, "Yes, um, I'm still on chapter three and Mo said the fun stuff starts on chapter eight."

I see his eyebrow rise, trying to think about how Huey is going to look when he's older for some weird reason, and he says, "Mo?"

I feel my smile, look down at her, see Mo looking at Mr. Ramirez, I think blushing, and I say, "Yes, um, Mo says she read that book in college and she told me about it."

I see Mo nod, not saying anything, just staring at Mr. Ramirez, making me want to giggle so much, see her swallow, shake her head, and she says, "I did, years ago, and knew Jazzy would really like it. I was also going to tell her about _A Movement Without Marches_."

I feel my smile and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "I remember that one to. I think it was about Philadelphia and how women used government institutions to better their situation, but I could be wrong, seeing as it's been years since college for me as well."

I see Mo's pretty smile, see her nod, and she says, "No you're right. It is about black women in Philadelphia during the early fifties taking power back from a racist government that was not providing enough for them."

I hear someone swallow, I think Mr. Ramirez, and hear him say, "Um, I would like to maybe talk about that some more, if you have time?"

I see Mo's pretty eyes blink, see her get super red, and she says, "Um, that would be nice. What day would work for you or do you just want to maybe call me and we can look at our schedules?"

I blink, not believing this is happening, and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "I don't really need to look at my schedule. I'm off of work when the school closes and my weekends are basically free other than when I go hiking or running in the mornings. So, I'm basically free any time you would like."

I blink, see her get redder, not knowing she could get that red, and she says, "Um, okay. So, you're basically free anytime?"

I hear him laugh, hearing how low it is, see Mo's pretty smile, and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "Yes. I'm very open about myself and can tell you I would like to get to know you, I'm not seeing anyone, don't have any commitments, and unless you have any prior commitments yourself, I'm basically just going home after this and so I'm available right now and will be available all of this weekend for you."

I see her smile get bigger, hear her giggle looking down, making me giggle, see her look up and nod at him, and then like the squirrel I am I say, "Talking about awesome smart black women taking power back from a racist government, I think you need to take your break right now Mo."

I see her look at me with those pretty eyes, see that pretty eyebrow rise, and she says, "But Jazzy you just got here and I can take it later after you," and I exhale and cut her off saying, "Mo, I already gave the residents their tea and coffee, and Mrs. Harrington told me to go see her in an hour to do her hair so I really don't have anything to do and now that I have my book that I was gonna miss I can sit here at your desk and read it while you take your I don't know, half an hour or hour break, maybe at that really cute coffee shop they just opened down the street that I know you've been wanting to go see."

I see her smile at me, see her shake her head with that pretty smile, and then hear a voice say, "I have a question I would like to ask you Monique."

I look up an inhale seeing that guy.

Then I feel that squeeze on my hand, look down, see her smile at me, see her turn back to her computer, typing something, and hear her say, "How about this? I'm sure if that question has to do with a resident here, the high school volunteer can answer it, and if it has to do with any health issues of that resident, which we cannot legally give anyone not authorized to receive that information, I'll be leaving the information for the on-call nurse so the volunteer can give that to anyone wanting generic information, seeing as I'm taking my break."

I start laughing, see her get up, see her grab her sweater, put it on, grab her purse, see her walk around the desk, up to Mr. Ramirez, look at him, and she says, "If you're not busy right now we can go to that coffee shop and talk some more."

I see him smile, looking down at her, see him blush I think seeing her in those dark blue fit pants that match her dark blue top with those baby blue lines on the pockets and collar and those bright white leather nurse shoes. She's so stylish even when she's wearing scrubs.

I see Mr. Ramirez nod and he says, "Of course. My name is Leroy Ramirez by the way."

I hear her giggle and hear her say, "I was going to ask. My name's Monique Hunter and it's nice to meet you Leroy. Um, you probably shouldn't forget to leave that bag or Jazzy won't have anything to read."

I see him laugh, putting his hand behind his head, I think embarrassed, and he says, "Thank you, I almost forgot."

I see Mr. Ramirez turn back to me, see him put the bag on the desk, see him smile at me with that blush, making me giggle, and then feel confused seeing him look away with pursed lips.

Then I see him exhale, see him grab his wallet from his pocket, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him take out a card, put it on the desk, and he says, "That's my card with my work cell phone number, which I will keep on for the next hour. Please use it if you don't feel safe at any point."

I smile, grab the card, see him give me a small smile, and see him turn, walking out with Monique, I think talking about what colleges they went to.

I put the card in my back pocket, sit down, grab my book out of the bag, and hear that guy say, "I do not worry about such things, knowing if I want something and I make it obvious I will have it so what just transpired means nothing to me, but I would like to know if you've given any thought to what we discussed last time."

I inhale, opening my book, finding that page where I flipped the corner, see that sentence again and start reading. _Beatings, rapes, and sexual harassment by male convicts and officials were common experience. _I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Jazmine."

I inhale, look up at him, and say, "First of all Mr. Harrington, if you're not worried about those things, why did you try talking to her right now when you saw that someone that's nice and she probably thought was really cute tried asking her on a date and second why do you care if I thought about that stuff you talked to me about, like I care about how well-off your family is? I told you last time I don't care about that. And even more important than that is what Mo said, I'm a high school volunteer so I'm in high school, you're like way older than me, so just leave me alone, and don't bother me."

I see him inhale looking at me and I look back down at me book, trying to find that sentence. There it is. _experience. Some employers capitalized_. I grab Monique's pen and underline that word. _capitalized on this captive labor force by buying out prisoners' terms in exchange for release in supervised custody. _

I hear him say, "The answer to those questions is that I like to have options available to me and do not like when one of those options isn't available at my beck and call and." I inhale, close my eyes, trying to calm down before I slap him, and hear him say, "I understand you're young, but based on what you look like now, you will only become much more beautiful as you get older and that's what I want in a partner, someone that I can take to events, the necessary functions I will be part of and will of course make sure you have everything you possibly need to be an exemplary partner, and the fact that you are younger will only add to the appeal you will have with partners, those that I need to," and see my book hit his face.

I see my book fall, see him squint his eyes at me with that red mark on his face, see him exhale, and he says, "That personality of yours will also do wonders for me wanting to actually be at home instead of being with my other options, so I will leave it up to you if," and I cut him off saying, "Mr. Harrington I have a boyfriend, a really serious relationship, and I don't want to see anyone else, specially someone like you that's okay treating women like Mo who's really smart and pretty and nice like you do and then talking to me like that when I'm only fifteen okay, so just do not talk to me anymore."

I see him exhale and see him just looking at me, at my face I think, wanting to slap him but he's a visitor and I can't be mean to them, at least I don't want to be even if I just threw my book at his face.

I see him nod and he says, "I know there's someone that picks you up every day but," and I cut him off saying, "Yes, my boyfriend. He picks me up. I have a boyfriend who's my age, goes to my school, and is the only boyfriend I want, now go away."

I see him exhale, I think annoyed, see him purse his lips, and he says, "That simply shows you're also a serious and mature girl by having a relationship at your age, making you more appealing. As I was saying before, I will leave it up to you if you would like me to start financially supporting you now and just commit yourself to marrying me when you turn…."

I feel my mouth open. What?

Then I hear that voice say, "Warren Harrington the third, how dare you!"

I feel myself blink. That voice. I look over my shoulder and see Mrs. Harrington holding onto her walker with that towel around her shoulders under that wet hair.

I get up, walk over to her, grabbing the towel, drying her hair with it, and say, "Mrs. Harrington, you should've told me you were gonna shower so I could help drying your hair like I'm supposed to because having your hair wet for too long could get you sick."

I hear her exhale, squeeze that hair, see it's still too wet, and say, "Let me take this one to the dirty laundry and I'll get you a dry towel and then I'll help you back to your room."

I see that head with that long white hair nod and hear her say, "Yes sweetheart."

I take the wet towel from her shoulders, turn, and start walking down the hallway to the room where they keep the dirty laundry, hearing Mrs. Harrington's clear strong voice say since he's here she wanted to talk about his inheritance and how it will be good for him to wait for his other grandparents to pass.

* * *

I feel those drawing in the back of my head, helping me relax, those kisses on my face, helping me focus, and hear that voice telling me she only wants me and she doesn't lie and I'm way cuter than anyone and she wants me to promise I won't kill anyone tonight and she loves me, helping me remember that feeling of being happy.

I exhale, squeeze that ass on my lap, knowing I'm semi-hard but she's not sleeping over, inhale, remembering baseball for some pointless reason, and say, "Yes."

I hear that giggle, feel my smirk, open my eyes, see that thick hair, those braids, that big forehead, those greens, those freckles, and say, "Why?"

I see that fine eyebrow rise and she says, "Bestie, you hate that question."

I exhale, squeeze that ass, and say, "Fine. Why don't you care?"

I see her exhale, see that smile, feeling those hands come down, feeling them on my shoulders, knowing I'm too relaxed, but I couldn't give two shits how relaxed I am as long as it's her, and she says, "Because you don't."

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and she says, "You don't care about that stuff bestie. You don't care about how much people have, money, class, properties, houses, you don't. And you don't care about other stuff, like how someone looks or what race they are or how smart they are or how much they know, you just care about helping people understand stuff when you can and protecting people you care about in any way that you can. And you don't use people. Really, I don't think you could use people with how much you try to do everything yourself, but I also think you don't use people because you can't use people, like you can't lie and cheat. Like you just can't. You're too honest and." I see that mouth I should be kissing stop, see that smile, and she says, "You suffer from having a warm brain so I think because of that you can't do those things, use people or care about that stuff, and you can't see how many girls look at you, so many girls I get kind of jealous sometimes because you're my boyfriend and they shouldn't be looking at you like that, and I mean it's not like you look at them, you don't see them, you don't even see color, so you treat everyone the same and if they're nice and respectful you're nice and respectful to. But I think all of that, the way you are, it all comes from you having that warm brain and," and I kiss those lips, closing my eyes, and hearing myself tell her she's mine, if that fucken idiot ever talks to her like that again I'm going to kill him, I want her to sleep over tonight but I know she wants to spend time with her mother and sister and it's Friday night damn it, but I want her here tomorrow before everyone gets here, and I want her to make that dish again on that pagan holiday, and I won't go into that building that day but I'll wait for her in whichever car we take, and I was an idiot knowing I loved her eyes not thinking I loved everything else about that Jazmine head.

I feel her move away, wanting to berate her for moving away and myself for not holding that face, open my eyes, see those tears I'm starting to understand are the good tears, at least the ones that do not lead to me wanting to kill someone, see her exhale, smelling that breath, and she says, "I thought I dreamed or imagined you saying that a long time ago."

I exhale, remembering saying that while she was asleep on my shoulder after she said she loved my 'warm brain.' That was before I knew everything I should have known, should have been doing back then, protecting her by having her here at least every weekend, before she started helping me focus my energy more productively on my goals, before Chicago and that fucken idiot that now says he wants to be her friend but I know better, before she started telling me about the ways in which she's helping people of all colors, regardless of their socioeconomic status, in any way she deems right, before that fucken psychotic lunatic I only hit twice put his hands on her, and of course that was before the fucken tidal wave of pain she felt last week, the tidal wave I didn't protect her from, I didn't do a damn thing about to stop, and hear myself say, "That was before everything I was supposed to protect you from and didn't do a damn thing about."

I feel that peck, closing my eyes to relax after all those kisses she gave me, knowing I want more but it's Friday night and some things are more important than what I try to live off of still, like her spending time with her mother and sister.

I open my eyes, see her smile, and she says, "But you did protect me and," I exhale, feel those soft palms on my cheeks, feel her scoot up closer, looking at that scrunched forehead, those eyes focused on her target, those lips having gone from her smile to those full pursed lips, knowing she's frustrated, feeling my smirk, and she says, "And if you did anything differently Huey, if anyone did anything differently, maybe I wouldn't be as strong as I am, and I like being this strong, okay? So just believe and trust that things happened the way they did because they had to in Black Jesus's time and not our time and because of that I'm way stronger now."

I feel my damn smile, knowing that's what it is damn it, see her smile at me that smile that belongs to me, and I say, "You know I don't believe in those said miracles but the possibility that if there was a man named Jesus during that time in Palestine he," and I feel those lips kiss me, not giving a shit about that play I wrote six years ago, knowing I wrote several more thereafter, feel those lips move away, feel those kisses on my face, closing my eyes, and hear that voice telling me to remember that I trust her, that I have more hope today, feel those soft palms go from my cheeks down to my shoulders, those kisses on my face continue too slowly, hear that voice telling me that she's the most aware girl I know, feel those hands squeeze my shoulders in between those muscles that are sore from yesterday's training, hearing my groan, possibly cursing, knowing she's kissing my nose now, hear that voice telling me she's never going to pressure me into believing anything but she believes in Black Jesus and knows he watches over us, knows it was Black Jesus that wanted her to read that book where she read about some black colleges she wants us to visit, she's happy and strong, and after everything she's been through this year, she's happier and stronger and she thanks Black Jesus when she prays every night and tells him to take care of her family and friends and me because she loves me.

I inhale, open my eyes, see those closed eyes, grab those soft cheeks, kiss her, pushing my tongue through, hearing her say my name the way I like, and put my hands down on those hips, feeling her grinding on me, knowing there's no turning back and I'm too fucken hard after all those kisses and everything she said and is and knows, feeling that ass sit up, feeling her grinding hard enough I can feel my back on the headboard. Fuck. I grab that ass, feel her shaking, hearing her say something in between letting her breathe, and hear myself tell her of course she's fucken strong and I want her cum on my dick. I feel her slam into me, several times possibly, feeling that wetness through those thin shorts and those soft underwear, knowing she's that damn wet, and hear her say my name and curse into my mouth, feeling those small nails digging into my shoulders, feeling myself in that place, that meditative place, feeling that release, saying something into that mouth, possibly, because I don't lie to myself, that I love her.

I inhale that insignificant amount of air in this room, this room where what happens between us, regardless of what it is, makes me happy, feel myself shaking, letting go of that ass, bringing my hands up to that waist, open my eyes, see that smile, those tears, and she says, "I love you to and I really like when you call me your fucken strong Jazzy."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my damn face getting warm, knowing I did say that at some point, exhale, and say the selfish truth, "I do, you are, I want you here tomorrow before they get here, to at least start this vacation off well, I want you here as much as you want, every damn day of this vacation if you want, I want you to make that dish again on that pagan holiday which I will be part of only we celebrate it at your mother's house, I'm still not going into that building on the eve of that holiday but I will stay in the car, knowing if you're all going, he'll probably want to go anyways so I should be there to help him in and out of the car, and now that I know you've been praying to a man, a human, that possibly lived and died like any other human centuries ago, possibly the reason you've taken longer in the bathroom when you've been getting ready to sleep when you do sleep over, I," and I see her inhale, see that mouth open, and I say, "I'm not done Jazmine." I see her close that mouth, feel my smirk, seeing that worried look, and I say, "Now that I know that's why you've taken longer than usual in the bathroom at night, regardless of my beliefs, it's not sanitary to kneel or do whatever rituals you do when you pray in the bathroom, and you should start doing those rituals here in my room and not in the bathroom."

I see that mouth open, see her inhale, see those eyes fill with water, see that tear coming down, and bring my hand up from that waist, taking that tear away. I see her exhale, feel that small hand grab my hand, feel her kiss my palm, and see her look at me, thinking whatever Jazmine things she's thinking about, holding my hand next to her face.

After those seconds, I see that smile, and she says, "Yes to everything because I'm strong and can do everything, like bringing my books over tomorrow so maybe I can finish my book soon and start studying for the SATs again because I haven't really done that since summer, we can both do that, read, watch T.V., the news, awesome anime, cuddle every day on our vacation, I can keep learning new dishes with my sister so we can know how to cook when we go to college, I'll keep learning how to make dishes you hopefully like a lot, I'm gonna make sure we have an awesome Christmas slash Christmas Eve slash pagan holiday, I'm gonna force you to bring an extra blanket so you can have in the car if we do go on Christmas Eve to that building, and I'm for sure strong enough to keep praying to Black Jesus to take care of everyone I love and care about, and," I see that mouth stop, see her eyes open, feeling the excitement being transmitted through that hand that's holding my hand, and she says, "Oh and I wanna make Jazmine's hot chocolate explosion this week and I want you to be my taster because you don't lie and I'm strong enough to be okay with you telling me if it doesn't taste good, okay?"

I exhale, bring my hand back down, feeling her let it go, put my hand back on that waist, squeeze that waist with both my hands, see that redness I like on that face appear, possibly from everything she just said or because I squeezed that waist, not giving two shits why as long as it's her redness, and I say, "Fine, you can have all of that."

I see that smile and because I want to I say, "My fucken strong Jazzy."

I see that mouth open, see that intensity in those eyes, see that face move in, feeling her bite my lip, feeling my exhale, and my dick twitch. Fuck.

I exhale, feeling those kisses on my chin, and say, "Jazzy, I'm not that hard yet, if we stop now, we can," and hear that voice cut me off with, "I want to taste you Huey and you're letting me have all of you because I'm strong enough."

I inhale, feeling myself getting hard enough, and say, "Yes."

We can deal with our idiot trusted friends, that pagan holiday, our vacation from that hell, and anything else that Jazmine head wants to do after I show her how strong I know she is.

* * *

Holy semester Batman! LOL. I needed to say that. So hi everyone. It's been a crazy few weeks for everyone I think. I'm still in school, of course doing online stuff, and I'm kind of working. But yeah, I was looking forward to this chapter. I hope you all liked it. Let me know of course with comments, suggestions, reviews, and the likes.

Thank you all. Please be safe out there.

Bulma's Ego.


	36. Exceptionally well

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: I'ma do this for you. It's only 11 pages long, which means it's HELLA SHORT, but I wanted to just put this up because your comments make me so happy. I'll be continuing on with this chapter this week after I get through some school and work stuff. Be safe out there, no matter where you are.

Same with everyone else that adds to my online life, be safe out there please.

CHAPTER 36:

I see that afro move with her giggle hearing them all laugh and hear him say, "What the fuck Riley! Why you never tell us when real shit's going down! Shit, we bust in there with ma glocks and bust some caps in those mother fuckers, all of 'em! Shit! And why the fuck ya'll haven't blasted those mother fuckers that be after 'em!"

I exhale annoyance, real damn annoyance, hearing my friends doing the same thing, feeling that drawing on my calf, feeling some relief if that's what it is, and hear my brother say, "Won't let ma ass put her in a fucken trunk and drop her ass in the fucken woods man so real wolves," and hear him stop.

I look over at Riley, see him exhale, looking away with Jazmine's sister sitting between his legs on the floor, and hear Cindy say, "Riles you ain't kidnapping her ass and taking her to the damn wolves only cuz people knows it be you."

I hear that laugh along with her friends, feel her move, feeling that back moving away, look down at her, and see her move over kissing her sister on the side of her head. I see her sister look at her, roll her eyes, which I don't care about only because that's her sister, and she says, "And my sis can fuck her up."

I hear them all laugh, feeling that squeeze on my calf with that excitement, feeling relaxed, really damn relaxed. Especially after she came over and said she wanted to start this vacation with giving me that massage. Damn.

Then I hear Rummy say, "Ed ain't that the female that be throwing herself at your ass whenever you go to that school or at them parties?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, not being surprised, hear him exhale, and hear him say, "Yeah. Stupid ass bitch." I feel that inhale, see Ed look at her, and he says, "Hey nah Jazzy. I knows you ain't alright with people talking like that 'bout females but you knows she a bitch, specially after all the shit she be putting ya'll through and you ain't even know half the other shit I know 'bout her ass. And then how she follows my ass at them parties, talking to my ass when I tol' her I ain't wanna know her cuz she's too fucken young man and I ain't talking shit but she ain't even alright, but still she be finding me whenever I try to get the fuck away goin' outside or just trying to fucken leave cuz," and hear her cut him off with, "But."

I see him stop, see him nod, feeling my eyebrow rise and my smirk thinking aside from the few times I've seen him do it for her sister, Jazmine might be the only person he lets interruptive his idiotic ranting, and I hear that voice continue, "I'm sorry Ed. I keep stopping you from talking tonight and I have to stop that habit. I keep doing that to my friends and Huey and it has to be annoying and just kind of mean."

I hear them laugh, feel my smirk getting bigger thinking about how she was raised and regardless of that disgusting piece of shit, all the fucken imbeciles and some women now she continues to be what she is now, that aware blonde afro, using that polite voice even with idiots like Ed, hearing myself do it, feeling her inhale under me, and then hear them all stop laughing.

I open my eyes, see them all looking at me, feeling my eyebrows lower, and say, "What?"

I feel that hand on my shoulder, look over at him, see his raised eyebrow, and he says, "Hu, that was close to a laugh man, like close. You alright man?"

I exhale through my nose, hearing them laugh, closing my eyes, trying to relax knowing I'm not as temperamental as I was when I was younger, specifically with family, but still, even with friends, I don't like people laughing at, then I feel that hand on my knee, open my eyes, see those hips getting up, and hear that voice say, "I think I'm going to make more tea because I think someone needs it. Does anyone want anything else to drink? Rummy are you done with that? I can get you another one."

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, feeling my smirk, knowing she's trying to take the attention away from me, lean over, and grab those hips, knowing we're home, I have never cared what people think about us, these are my friends, regardless of how much they still annoy me at times, and pull her down onto my lap. Then I remember how damn 'bouncy' it is, hearing that inhale from her with that nickname. I inhale, move that ass over to the couch, stand up, grab both cups from the coffee table, and say, "I'll make some more and everyone's waiting for what you all call food. Hang out and I'll be back."

I take those steps around the table, hearing the giggling from her friends, walk over to the island in the kitchen, put the cups down, turn to the stove, and roll my eyes, hearing his voice say, "So what you gonna say befor' we all heard that grouchy ass laugh."

I exhale, turning on the stove to start boiling water, hearing that giggling from her, feeling my damn face getting warm for no damn reason, and hear that voice say, "Okay, so I was gonna say that I don't like guys, men, don't care how old they are, calling girls that. If it's a girl calling her that, fine, specially if it's my friends or my sister because they only call a girl that, the 'b' word, when they really are mean and just really, really, really, dumb girls. So that's why I got mad. Yes, it's a little sexist I know that I'm not okay with guys calling girls that and only okay with girls calling girls that word but I mean growing up with guys like Huey and Riley who never called girls that word even if Riley called them other stuff, he never called them the 'b' word, and I know for sure Caes and Hiro are like that to, I'm just not okay with guys calling girls that word. So that's one thing. So you can call girls anything else but I just don't like when guys call girls the 'b' word. Now, the other thing I wanted to say." I hear that exhale, feeling that damn pride for several damn reasons, turn around, just to look at her because I want to, and see that hair being held above her head with that long soft afro coming down between those shoulder blades, that scrunched forehead, and those forest greens staring at the coffee table.

Then, I see her look down at Ming and hear her say, "Mimi's do you remember what she said that day?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Ming say, "Oh yeah. On Thanksgiving when we were supposed to be giving food and actually fucken volunteering that hoe was just being mean with people and some cool kids and then she started saying some shit 'bout how she wanted to introduce herself to Mr. Wuncler and then something 'bout wanting him to talk to Ed 'bout some shit when she's older, right?"

I see that long soft afro move up and down, trying to remembering because it's necessary, when I started seeing how soft it is, and hear her say, "Yeah. And then the next week, after my sister slapped her, which she totally deserved, she," and I hear her stop, hearing her laugh with her sister and her friends, along with my brother's cackle, and hear her sister say, "Yeah I 'member that sissy. When we was in the conference room that hoe said, oh and thanks for that shit, owe your grandad and you on that one Ed's."

I see Ed shake his head, see him smirk at Cindy, and he says, "Nah, you don't owe shit. What that bitch, I mean what that female say?"

I hear that giggle coming from that afro, shaking my head, and hear Cindy say, "Thanks Ed. Yeah, so I 'member first that hoe's mama talkin' 'bout getting with the right family or some stupid shit and then that hoe said she tried talking to your grandad but he didn't wanna talk to her ass or let her meet you so it kinda sounds like she ain't ever meet you."

I see Ed's eyebrow rise, see him look away, possibly annoyed, and I turn around hearing the teakettle sound off. I grab the teakettle and hear him say, "Yeah, there's shit she gotta follow but ain't doing it, all stupid shit, and even if she did that shit, I still wouldn't want her ass."

I start filling both cups, feeling my smirk, knowing she likes this tea even with that so called food we're waiting for, and hear that voice I will be going to sleep to tonight say, "Okay, well you don't have to tell us about that stuff she has to follow but just know she's really confusing because first she says she wants to introduce herself to Mr. Wuncler so I guess he can talk to you and then she tells her mom she's still trying to talk to Mr. Wuncler but then you're saying she's following you and talking to you at those parties, so she's already met you. So she's really confusing and really dumb."

I feel my damn smirk possibly get bigger, hearing that voice laughing with her friends, putting that spice into those cups, knowing there is nowhere else I would want to be at this precise moment than here in this kitchen connected to that living room, other than of course down the hallway in my room with those legs over me again, alone, possibly looking up some recent articles AFRO emailed me this week. Then I hear another voice say, "She's also a sata and is on the list."

I hear the laughing continue, shaking my head, grab that honey, remembering I need to order more soon from Chicago, and hear Ed say, "Well, don't know what a sata is but I'm damn sure she that to. But nah Jazzy, I ain't care about talkin' 'bout that shit, I just don't remember all the details and shit. I mean I knows I can remember everything 'bout war, everything 'bout that shit, when to wake up, when they'd let my ass go shit, when they'd let me eat, what damn glocks I couldn't use to shoot those mother fuckers even though I kept telling their asses to just give me the damn cannon. Shit. That's what I was there for. Wanted to use one of them cannons to blow up shit all over the fucken sand man. Didn't give a shit 'bout no promotions or ranks or nothing either. Didn't give a shit when they stopped taking me out on patrol and gave me that damn name 'Stink Bomb.' Didn't give a shit about none of that. Just give me a gun, some artillery and shit, a mother fucken stick, and I'll swing at their assess. It was war! But then I come home and I don't know how to do shit here."

I hear him stop, hear him exhale, stirring the honey in the cup, and hear him say, "How to do business and shit my granddaddy wants me to do, be the fucken president. Shit. All I wanna do is blow shit up so I know if I do have to do any of that shit, be business-like and shit, I'ma have to have ma road dog there to do all the diplomatic shit and then I can just blow up shit if it don't go ma way. Damn. He probably gonna have to remember all that shit, who I gotta talk to and 'bout what, so I don't bust a cap on 'em businesspeople my granddaddy gotta talk to and he saying I gotta talk to later. Shit, that's why when he does make me go now to them parties or investment meetings I gotta take Rummy or I'ma kill another, like I almost did last time. Shit, after that last time, my granddaddy even said I can't go to those parties without Rummy no more and he probably gonna have to be my personal security and business partner in the big shit where I gotta actually fucken talk to people, cuz I just don't give a fuck 'bout what I say. Matter o' fact, I just don't give a fuck, don't give a fuck 'bout them things they want my ass to do, them parties, those fucken rich punk ass bitches I gotta remind I'm fucken rich and I'll bust a cap in them if they piss me off, or them females that be throwing themselves at my ass. And I don't give a fuck 'bout following no damn right way to go 'bout shit so I don't care 'bout remembering those fucken details, how to meet a girl when she at those parties with all them people I don't fucken wanna talk to, and rather be at my fucken house or Rummy's blowing shit up or here where I don't gotta be shit I ain't, not just Ed Wuncler the third, but what they want me to be, and I just don't fucken wanna be there man. I fucken hate being there, fucken hate it."

I hear him exhale, see him look down, shaking his head, and he says, actually quieter, not knowing he could be quiet, "And I don't care 'bout telling you'll 'bout any of that shit. None of those details and shit. Just can't fucken remember it all, I think cuz of that damn noise in my head. How I still wake up like that sometimes, screaming cuz of that fucken noise. That fucken yelling from them won't stop man. Fucken Hawkins and Rodriguez won't shut the fuck up, telling my ass to wake up and get ready to go on patrol or go do some dumb shit in the barracks cuz they're fucken bored again, and then hearing their fucken yelling man, them fucking screaming when they were blown up. Fuck. And I don't wanna talk 'bout that shit. Not with no one my granddaddy's paying to fucken talk to my ass. I ain't doing it. I'ma talk to whoever the fuck I wanna talk to and right now that be ma road dog and ya'll, but that's fucken it. I ain't talking to no fucken therapist or no doctor that's gonna put me on fucken meds, like damn army doctor wanted to. Fuck. That. Shit. I'm Ed Wuncler the third, I ain't no bitch, I ain't doing it and ain't fucken talking to them. But only shit that I don't like 'bout all that is how I can't fucken remember some shit, like details 'bout shit, even dumb shit. Then there's that noise, fucken Rodriguez, his fucken screaming when he pushed me out the way or telling my ass to 'member to do my bed cuz he don't want my ass being demoted for stupid shit, cuz he thinks we're friends, thought we were friends, cuz we were. And he won't shut the fuck up."

I exhale, seeing him looking down, knowing he's been through his ordeal with a government that sends them back, hardly giving them any help, unless it has to do with administrating medication for them and a weekly visit, and of course in the meantime that same government they just fought and bled for, witness their comrades, friends die for, expects them to just 'pick up,' be fine, and get a job. And regardless of all the idiot things he does say, how he chooses to talk, he was raised with possibly the best available schooling and luxury, luxury which much, most of this country will never see, and then went directly into the service before a major war, a major war, where many, many people in this world died, and many American soldiers came back with psychological problems that will take years, if not a lifetime to recover from, particularly those where they saw their comrades, their friends dying in ways many would have nightmares from. And he's Ed Wuncler the third who, unlike my father and Grandad, grew up in that luxury prior to witnessing all he did in war, the atrocities of war, never being subjected to the racism, discrimination, living in the ghettos, the kind of violence that permeates there, where black men like my father and Grandad saw dead bodies sometimes several times a year, which made them callous to some of the things they witnessed in war. And, something only some I'm sure have taken their time to notice, regardless of the fact that he does come from that life, I have yet to know of him flaunting his money in order to make anyone feel less than him but rather to just show off when he's around those that have that kind of money, and more than likely to hide behind it, so people do not know exactly how he was affected by war and the atrocities he witnessed. And then I inhale, seeing that soft hand, that unrealistic optimism, reaching over the coffee table. I exhale and see both of those two reaching out to him. I move around the island and inhale, readying myself just in case, just in case he explodes knowing that's a possibility, as it always is.

I see that soft hand reach out to his arm, see her put her hand on his arm, slowly, and see that hand put pressure. Then I hear him inhale and see Jazmine's sister put her arm on his back slowly as well, almost like this has happened before when I wasn't in the room, possibly many times. Then, I see those other two, move over next to him, see Ming put her hand on his shoulder and Lauren put her hand on his arm, over Jazmine's hand.

I see him exhale, see him look up and around at them, see him look down, see him smirk, possibly smile, shake his head, and hear him say, "Damn, I need a girl."

I hear them all laugh, exhale longer than I thought I had to, turn back to the island, see those cups, and grab them, wanting to have the slim back between my legs again, and I get to ask for things today. Then I hear the doorbell ring.

I exhale through my nose, put the cups down, look over at him, see him look at me, and see him nod, knowing there are some things he is more adapt than I am at, one of which is dealing with fucken idiots. Emails are one thing, regardless of where they're coming from, people that I can punch in the face are a completely different story.

I walk over to the door, hearing them all continue talking about something I don't care to know, even if I can hear Rummy say one of those details Ed can't remember is that girls, women in those families, that circle of selfish people that do not use their money to help anyone but rather to make others feel less than them, are not supposed to talk to Ed directly, but be introduced formally through their parents, or those girls could be labeled as too liberal. Idiots. All of them. I get to the door, open it, instantly feel that reflex coming back smelling that pizza, and I say, "I don't care. How much?"

I see that idiot holding those boxes, see him inhale, possibly angry but I don't care enough, see him look to my right, nod, and he says, "Hundred and five." I nod, grab my wallet, and hear Caesar say, "Hu, Ed's paying."

I look over at him, feel my eyebrow rise, seeing him handing that idiot a one hundred and a twenty dollar bill, and I say, "Caes, I can," and he cuts me off with, "Hu, remember what you say 'bout money."

I exhale, nod, and put my wallet back in my pocket. Then I see that small nose, that big forehead, and that soft afro below to my right, see her smile, hear that fucken idiot inhale, and she says, "Ronnie right?"

I hear him say something that doesn't matter, see that small smile, trying to remember what she said yesterday about me being cuter for some pointless reason, and she says, "We wanted to say thank you for those pictures you took. They came out really pretty."

I hear him say something, see her nod at him, see her turn to me, and see those eyes shine. I exhale and she says, "Remember boyfriend be nice if they're nice."

I feel my damn nod, see that smile, see her turn to him, grab those boxes, hear that polite voice thank that idiot, and see her turn toward the living room carrying those boxes, where I can hear Caesar's Nintendo being turned on.

I turn to follow her, not caring about fucken idiots, and hear him say, "I ain't gonna try shit cuz they're not those kinda girls but I wasn't the only one looking that day."

I stop, inhale, look back at him, see that fucken idiot look away, and see him turn around and start walking away. Then I see the door close.

I exhale, look at him, see him holding onto the doorknob, feel my eyebrow rise, and say, "Caes?"

I see him inhale, see him nod, see him turn around, not saying anything idiotic and true, feeling my other eyebrow rise, and before he passes me I put my hand his shoulder.

I see him look at me, see him look down, and see him exhale. I inhale and say, "You've been like this since you got here, regardless of what you're trying to show, hardly interjecting any of those conversations, only responding if being asked a question, and I know you're not fine."

I see him inhale and see him look up, looking into the living room, where I can hear Jazmine's voice saying she wants half a cheese pizza for us and they can everything else and Ming saying that she wants half a pizza of the one with that overabundance of damn meat just for him. I see him exhale longer, let go of his shoulder, and give him those seconds he needs.

Then I see him look at me, see him look away, nod, and he says, "I'm not alright with yesterday man."

I feel my eyebrows lower and say, "Which damn part Caes?"

I see him exhale, see him look at me, and he says, "Part where the fucker kept looking at her ass, thinking he can man. Like, who the fuck he thinks he is? Thinking he fucken pull that shit, paying whoever the fuck he paid, setting up that whole fucked up plan, cuz you know, you know that girl ain't plan shit, just went along with it. All that shit was on him, probably fronted more of the money to, to get whoever the fuck would jump at it, starting some stupid ass fight like that. And you know Hu, you know me, I don't talk shit about girls, but that girl ain't that smart to plan that shit, she ain't, just fucken pissed cuz she can't get a fucken shiny toy so she's gonna go along with anything a fucker like that planning, so it's all on him, on that fucken idiot that I still wanna fucken kill, but she won't let me. She won't let me damn it. Why? Why can't I just fucken go to his house, beat the shit outta him 'till he ain't walking, drag his ass to a fucken hill, and throw his ass over? Why? People won't fucken know. You know I can handle that shit on my own, just need you to tell me what hill they won't find him, and I'll do the dirty work. But she don't want me to do that shit. Why? Cuz she don't want my ass to get in trouble? Ain't like I'ma get caught and shit, ain't like I haven't gotten caught doing dumb shit before. Just never went far with other shit cuz I don't wanna be like that fucker, never fucken around, had to be my mom's and my uncle that raised me. My uncle who's a better man than that fucker will ever be. That fucker I don't wanna be like and the only reason I'ma listen to her, cuz that's one thing that fucker never did, never listened to my mom's, not once, just beat her, and then leave her ass crying, and I know cuz I remember Hu. I do. Even if I was a fucken kid I remember some of that shit. And I don't wanna be like that fucker so I try man, I try to listen to her, cuz she cares 'bout my ass, even if I come from a fucker like that, she cares and don't care 'bout me coming from that piece a shit, and I wanna listen to her cuz I know she cares and doesn't want my ass to get in trouble, get locked up or some shit just cuz of him, but that's the only fucken reason Hu, only reason. But I can't stop feeling like this, like I gotta go take care of that shit right now, go to his house right now, and fucken drag him out to a fucken cliff, cuz he can't fucken look at her like that man. He can't. And I've been feeling like this since yesterday when he looked at her like that, hiding behind dumbasses that couldn't fucken swing, looking at her like he fucken deserved her and could just get her back with his fucken money. And that's all I feel, this fucken anger at that piece a shit. And she thinks it gotta do with Chantel, how I been. It ain't gotta do with her. Ain't nothing gotta do with her. Not one damn thing I feel right now cuz I feel not a damn thing for her anymore. Shit. Didn't feel anything for her last week or yesterday when that fool she fucked after she cheated on me said she fucked other fools when she was with me. Shit, he ain't gotta say it for me to know what he meant. 'Course she was fucking others. Now I'm happy I got my ass tested after we broke up like my uncle said. Thought didn't need it but he said I should get it anyways and cuz I'm this fucken close to calling him my dad I listened to his ass. Shit. Thinking 'bout that now I'm damn sure she was fucking others when I would call and she wouldn't pick up. And I was there, like a fucken idiot, sitting there, waiting for ass to call or answer her fucken phone, just like my mom's would do when that fucker wouldn't come home for days, probably with those girls down at that corner that even I knew, I knew, what they were selling, and I was a fucken kid Hu, but I knew. And then going home with my mom after she'd fucken beg his ass at that corner to come home and he'd just fucken yell at her, and she'd only say something when he'd yell at me, but wouldn't defend herself, not once damn it, not once. And then going home and watching her cry cuz he wouldn't fucken come home with us, watching my mom cry, and me just sitting there waiting for his ass to fucken care, fucken take responsibility for us, something, anything, least stop making her cry being with those girls at that fucken corner, being wasted whenever we'd go, beating her whenever the fuck his ass was home, fucking doing that shit to my mom, and me there, his fucken kid, his son, crying, waiting, just waiting. And then I go and fucken pick a girl like Chantel who be doing the same fucken shit, cheating on my ass, and I know, I know I picked her cuz I'm my mom's son and that's what I deserve, like she didn't defend herself, just like her, I'm just like her, and," and I see Ming possibly try to tackle him.

I see him inhale, looking at me, seeing Ming hugging him, and see him exhale.

I inhale and I say, "Your mother was damn motherly with me." I see his eyebrow rise and I exhale and say, "And for a woman, a black woman, living in Chicago, raising a son without the help of his worthless father, because he was worthless, regardless of any help she received from her family, the situation was not difficult, it was almost impossible, and she managed to do it, and you are my best friend, only after her, regardless of how childish that might always sound to me, and only someone strong could be my best friend, which means that woman that raised you raised a strong son, who happens to not annoy me nearly as much as others, if at all, and who I can count on to do most of the communicating between both organizations and the chapter in Chicago, even if you live here now. And I trust you to take care of that because I do trust you, which means you're trustworthy and strong. So stop connecting yourself to worthless, untrusting, weak people, regardless of any blood relation you have to them, specifically ones that made you sick when you would talk about them on those several mile walks when we didn't have money for bus fare, getting to that museum, and then Ms. Annette having to give you something to alleviate your sickness because she was a damn better parent than that worthless piece of shit. And one day, one damn day you might not only understand you are not connected to worthless people logically but personally, but first you have to stop actually comparing yourself to them, comparing those around you to them, even if just by some small increments when you find yourself doing that, as in thinking your relationship with that girl had any connection at all with your mother's and that worthless piece of shit's relationship, because it did not. You picked her because you did, that's it. Now, you apparently are with someone that doesn't want you to kill worthless idiots because she is different, more than likely, far better than that other girl you were with, which logically means whatever relationship you have now is even more far removed from the one your mother and that worthless piece of shit had, and is even more of an indicator of why you should stop comparing yourself to them, and more specifically to him, because if I know you Caesar, not just because of those weekends where I am starting to remember how much I didn't think about worthless people myself because of your idiotic ways of changing the topic always to things that did matter, how our people live and how we need to continue working to change that, but because even back then I considered you one of the few better people outside of my family, and at least during that time, regardless of how dense even I can be, you were my best friend, which means I knew you well, and if I still know you well, which I do, you will never be like that piece of shit because you won't let that happen, ever. And if this is how you feel, how you've felt since yesterday, use that anger and fuel it towards things that matter."

I see him exhale, see him smirk, which I just realized the idiot hasn't done all damn night, see him nod, and he says, "You're right, you're dense, I'ma use it for shit that matters, you're my best friend to man, and can I use your room for a minute? Just need to talk to her."

I exhale and motion for him to go head.

Then I turn to the living room, and see that smile, those open arms, and feel her hug me.

I inhale, smelling that strawberry-smelling hair, hear her say I'm the best good person in the entire world, exhale, feel her move away, and put my arm around those shoulders, bringing her back in. I feel her inhale, feeling those breasts move up, and say, "That Jazmine head." I exhale and say, "We're going to have to reheat those cups."

I feel that kiss on my chest, hearing those steps behind me walking in the direction of my room, and hear her say, "Already did. Come on big hair."

I exhale, grab those shoulders, move her away, and feel my smirk seeing that redness I like, knowing I'm going to make sure I see it tonight again on her entire face when we're alone. Then, I turn her around and grab her shoulders again, pushing her into the living room.

As we walk in, I look up, see them all looking at us, Rummy on the two-person couch, Hiro and Lauren on the floor holding those controllers, my brother and Cindy on Grandad's recliner, Ed on the larger couch, and hear Ed say, "Damn I need a girl."

I hear her laugh with them, shake my head, and know, she was right and this vacation where she came over early today, put those hands on me, letting me hear her voice talk about those colleges she wants to visit, letting me feel happy, and then our friends coming over, hearing my brother cackle more than usual possibly because of Cindy saying whatever she said to that girl yesterday, and then trying, trying to tell my best friend of things I'm still trying to practice myself, even right now, knowing I still don't believe them personally, but will one damn day, know this vacation has started off well, exceptionally well.

And so, I put my hands on those hips, hearing her inhale, hearing her sister and Lauren continue laughing now possibly from that redness covering all of those freckles, and push those hips pass Rummy, pass Hiro and Lauren, pass the coffee table where I can see those plates with those cheese pizza slices for us and our cups next to them, turn her, push those hips down onto the couch, and sit down next to her at the end of the couch.

I hear that giggle, look over at her, see her shaking her head, possibly trying to make that redness I like go away, see her grab her cup, see her take a drink of her cup, and feel myself grabbing my cup, and tasting that tea.

Then I hear the sound of that game start, hearing Lauren giving instructions to Hiro on how to do that move that Jazmine head taught them all, put my cup down, bring my left arm around, and put it behind that slim back, holding those hips, knowing I have never cared what people think about us. And these are our friends, including those two idiots. And, we're home on our vacation.

I feel that small hand grab my hand over that hip, feel that heavy head on my chest, and know, although the night is not over, and between my brother and trusted idiot friends it is highly likely I will be annoyed several more times tonight, there is nowhere else I would want to be at this precise moment, other than of course in that room that's occupied right now. But, considering how much she's letting me feel that thick thigh right now, how content she's making me feel right now, which means she must be happy with whatever is happening right now, this night with our trusted idiot friends won't be ending soon. Then, I feel that peck on my chin, feel my smirk, knowing she doesn't have to know I like many things today, one of them being that she likes when I don't shave. Maybe, possibly, I will ask that Jazmine head later tonight what other things she likes. It could even start our first Saturday night on this vacation from that hell exceptionally well.

Then I hear that voice whisper, "I have questions tonight bestie."

I feel my smirk getting bigger, see that character on the screen making that move, see Lauren tackle Hiro possibly because he managed that move, hear my brother and Cindy cursing about losing another one of their bets, Ed saying the game's cheating, and Rummy reminding Ed he can't shoot this game.

I exhale and say, "I'm aware. I saw that pink book in your night bag. And I have questions to."

I feel that kiss on my neck, feeling that strong thigh over my leg, feeling myself relax onto the couch, and know at least until she leaves this house, which won't be until she wants to spend time with her mother and sister either at her house or that horrible crowded place, it will continue being an exceptional vacation, knowing the last vacation we had we had just started dating, she had not started sleeping over, we both didn't know as much about each other as we do now, including our layered pasts, she didn't know how strong she possibly was, and I didn't know those things, if I could feel love outside of my immediate family based on who I am, the family I'm connected to and how I'm connected to them, and how someone like me because of that family would process whatever it is that love is.

I feel that hand squeeze my hand and hear her whisper, "Bestie, stop thinking with that warm brain. Just relax, stay here with me, and I promise because Black Jesus is watching, we're gonna keep having fun, reading, spending time with everyone, and being together on our vacation okay? Just stop that warm brain from thinking, try to have fun tonight, and trust me. Please."

I exhale, squeeze that small hand back, feel myself nod, and say, "I do and." I inhale and say loud enough for him to hear over the sound of that game, "I'm next Hiro."

I see them all stop moving, see that turtle make contact with that character on the screen, and see the character die, hearing that sound I have become accustom to hearing when they're playing. I hear that laugh, the one that still makes me stop breathing for a second too long and don't care to change anymore, look down at that soft afro moving on my chest, knowing it doesn't matter when I started seeing how soft it is, and feel my smirk, possibly close to my damn smile seeing her laugh like that. Then I hear the rest of them laughing, look up, and see him looking at us from the hallway with his smirk and raised eyebrow with Ming hugging him and laughing.

I see him shake his head and start laughing with the rest of them, see them start walking to us, and know that soft afro on my chest is right and she doesn't have to know it, but in the meantime I can try to learn how to play that pointless game they find some enjoyment in, she finds some enjoyment in, and then we can continue dealing with that pagan holiday, any questions we have for each other tonight, and possibly, maybe, our exceptional vacation.

* * *

Again, it was meant to be short, just the beginning of something I guess. Hope you all liked it. Thanks for your last comment LavenderLuvER18.

Of course, I do welcome the comments on this one as well. Goodnight everyone.

Bulma's Ego.


	37. A Huey Freeman Pagan Vacation

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: I hope you think this one is cute to. Let me know when you can.

SammiSweetheart: I mean yes, she is LOL. Thank you for your review.

CHAPTER 37:

I exhale, send the email, and know we're going to have to go soon and actually meet with them. I know Waldo can manage those platforms, sifting through unnecessary post, articles, reports and the ones that should be addressed. We need to make the public, all people, specifically the ones that live near where the stop-and-frisk and completely unconstitutional seizure of property actually happened, aware it happened. Fuck. All of it. How it happens, and how it's based on that racist piece of shit's proposal on a war on drugs, this damn war on drugs that was only expanded by the next two administrations, that's really the next form of Jim Crow being used to now put us in prisons.

I exhale, closing my eyes, trying to stop that damn headache. And of course, the many black and brown people that are stopped for those stop-and-frisk cannot do anything against them because it's still legal. This damn system with military policing on my people. Military policing that allows for police to use SWAT teams to enter into a house of a suspected drug seller or even suspected user that most of the time, if not all of the damn time, is a black or brown person who possibly only has weed in their possession, and of course with friends or family living with them that could be caught in those flash-bang grenades they use when they forcibly enter, bust their way into that house. Those damn police-accessible flash-bang grenades that can and do result in the death of older people, or permanent, if not at least psychological damage to that person's family and friends in that same house. Family includes children and spouses. And those children, spouses should not be going through that simply because that person sleeping in the next room or next to them is suspected of having some kind of drug on them. And then there's the reason for that whole nightmare, which is that some informant that's trying to get out of a longer sentence gave the police that person's name as a possible seller or buyer. And statistically this happens to black folk, mostly, predominantly, to black men, black men that sometimes have families in those houses with them. I inhale. Families. Children and spouses.

Does she really know what it could be like to be with me? Walking down the street is one thing, where idiots I couldn't give two shits about sneer. Being in the same house, when I've made someone angry with the truth or because they're a fucken idiot, because regardless of being an attorney, I would be a black attorney, could mean anyone in that house with me could be subjugated to that kind of treatment, that kind of psychological damage, or worse. I exhale. To some idiots she looks white or at least part. She could be with someone that's not black. I know that. She could. That fucken piece of shit even offered to support her while he waits for her to get to an age where she could fucken marry him. I inhale, trying to calm down before I leave to his house. But, regardless of how I feel right now, I'm still logical and know she looks white to some idiots, even with that thick afro and those greens that look like Egyptian green at ten in the morning, right before they change to that dark jade. That Egyptian green I only noticed now that she's been over at ten o'clock every morning, walks into my room, takes off her shoes, those small socks, walks up to me, says good morning followed by whatever nickname she wants to call me that day, and lets me taste those lips for as long as I want, at least until I start getting hard. Then, I push her away, knowing we have time for that later, and I know she wants to spend time together first.

And after pushing her away, she smiles that smile with that redness I like, more than likely knowing I have to calm down, crawls over me on the bed, and changes the channel from whatever bias news report I'm watching to the saved file with her favorite show. She wants to start the day with at least one episode because she wants to watch the entire season on our vacation. And on some days, because she doesn't want to disrupt the numerous books, articles, everything I have on my bed, she'll sit in that chair I'm sure I'm not going to be taking back to the garage, while she watches her show. And she doesn't have to know while she's watching that first episode I watch those eyes change from that lighter jade to that Egyptian green, the color I haven't noticed until now because we're usually not together at that time of the day because of that pointless institution or we're busy kissing because we just woke up from our Saturday night or there's friends and family we're spending time with and we're in Aunt's Cookie's house. And that color, the color of her eyes, is why some idiots think she looks white, because those same idiots don't know Africa's history and do not know Africans can and do have colored eyes. Idiots that think she looks white. All of them.

And so, that Egyptian green actually shows some of her African lineage. Then there's the rest of her. The rest of that body. That body. Focus damn it. Those braids. Those braids she does, regardless of whether she knows I like them, because she's proud of her culture. The fact that even when she was going through those things I did not protect her from at those fucken schools she still wanted to learn about her culture, would still ask questions, would surprise me at times with information she found on her own that I was too dense to see she had found on her own, shows she wanted to know more. It shows that even though she was afraid of those fucken imbeciles spewing those lies about her, she still wanted to know more about her culture. And she's part black, part white, and part attorney, or at least that's what she told that useless counselor that almost touched her a second damn time. That racist counselor she stopped me from breaking the wrist of because she doesn't want me to get in trouble for whatever reasons she has. That racist counselor I'm fully aware is after her not only because of that girl but because of how she defends those around her, including her culture.

I feel my smirk. That Jazmine head that's teaching me more about history, some of our culture, as she reads through that book and says there's another book she wants to start soon. I inhale, feeling it on my face, knowing it was that Jazmine head that made it possible for me to believe in falling in love. And it only took her less than two damn weeks to make that happen after she said it. I exhale, knowing if she made that happen it's possible for that stubborn Jazmine head to accomplish having me believe in more, possibly even that those statistics, that are as true as I am black, will be another one of those obstacles that we can do something about, like she says we can do about anything. But first, I need to make sure she's safe and that fucken idiot doesn't touch her.

I exhale and feel that vibrate, knowing that headache is gone after focusing on how aware and stubborn that Jazmine head is after having thought about the truth about my people's condition. I open my eyes, look down at my phone, read it's from her, knowing that's all I need to know because it has been approximately one hour, close my book, and put it aside with the unnecessary blanket she made me bring that kept me somewhat warm. I open the door, step out, close it, and start walking to that building and around it. I exhale. I'm not going in, but she doesn't have to know I will if I have to or what I'm doing right now. Damn it. That fucken idiot.

I inhale and take those steps in strides faster. Of course he's there. And I can't kill him or even beat him here. Shit.

I see the door open, take those two steps, see those people stepping out of that building, and stop, waiting.

I see those people walking by, nod at them saying that greeting, knowing there are some things I will not do, a few things, one of them is singing that song and the other is saying that greeting for this pagan holiday.

Then, I see those long black boots step out, go up, see those red pants she said were tights and I said weren't thick enough to keep any amount of warmth, that long pink dress, that brown jacket she said was suede, those three small braids on the side of her head she's using to hold down that afro that I have never seen on her and made me almost drag her into my room so she could let me touch them while I tasted those lips but remembered about her wanting to be here on time, and there are things that are more important than what I still try to live off of. And I feel my smirk seeing those two big white puffs over her ears. That outfit that reminds me of one of those many days she was helping me with that first play I wrote, but this time more than likely with a dress that can fit that body she has now. That body. Focus Huey.

I take that step up, passing the open door, reach up to that first step, grab that gloved hand, and see her turn to me. I see that smile, see she looks flushed and happy, and know waiting in Dorothy with the broken heater and that unnecessary blanket she doesn't need to know did help, was worth it.

And, I see her bend down, and feel the peck. I inhale, see her move away, and hear her whisper, "Thank you for walking over here even if you didn't have to and he was nice and he's right behind us."

I exhale annoyance and she says, "And you're way cuter than anyone."

I exhale, not as annoyed, feel that warmth on my face, knowing we're outside, too many people are still walking out, passing us behind me on the way to the parking lot, and I didn't necessary mind that kiss after waiting in that car for too long knowing that fucken idiot was in there.

Then I hear that voice and I inhale. I see those lips say 'almost' and I nod. I see that face move up and away, back onto that first step, see her turn, hear her talking to them, and then hear someone say my name.

I exhale, walk up to the bottom step, and turn towards that building. I look up, see him, nod, and say, "I am. Thank you for inviting me."

I see him nod and he says, "Of course. I told Jazmine you were also welcomed so just know you can always come in, if you ever want to."

I inhale, see that smile to my right, and see that shine. I exhale, nod, and say, "Thank you. I do." I inhale, see that smile possibly get bigger, exhale at those assumptions she must be having, and I say, "Appreciate it and." I inhale, exhale, and say, "Appreciate what you've said when I haven't been around."

I see him smirk, see him nod, see him look at her, and he says, "It's nice to know there are more people that talk about everything with the person they're with. It shows commitment and my father says that shows someone is a good person no matter what they believe."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hear that giggle, look over at her, see that blush, and she says, "Thanks Johnny. He is. And thank you. It was really nice. I hadn't been to church in a long time and I did miss it a little."

I exhale, hearing them talking, knowing she possibly didn't only stop talking about this holiday for years but possibly, maybe many other things. And I could wait in the car for her to let her continue talking to them, but then I hear that fucken idiot.

I hear her wish him happy holidays again, like she did that last day of school last week, and then I inhale, hearing him ask her for that again, for the second time. I don't give a shit where we are, remembering how he was intentionally breathing too long that last time, take that step up, and then hear that voice say, "Boy you at church and you respect it. Don't be asking my cutie pie for no hugs and you both shouldn't be looking at no girls here, especially my two preferred grandbabies. Make me take out my belt and teach you two 'bout respecting young girls and then be doing that here at the lord's house. Damn hooligans." And I feel grateful again, twice in the same year, that he said something before I was further embarrassed or beat an idiot. Then I see him take a step out of the building.

I see him look at me, see him turn to those two idiots I do not want to look at only because she texted me when she was in there to prepare me, giving me the time I needed to prepare, and I don't necessarily want to start the eve of this pagan holiday off with a fight only because it could lead to her not being as happy as she looks right now.

And I see Grandad turn to me, see him step further out of the building, seeing that smirk on his face, trying to not roll my eyes at him assuming he saved me from beating an idiot, see him turn to Johnny who, although I believe follows this religion to a point I think is unhealthy, has been a decent classmate to Jazmine, and hear Grandad thank him.

Then I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Grandad look at Jazmine and her sister, spread his arms out, and he says, "I need help from my preferred grandbabies to go down these steps and walk all the way down to Dorothy."

I hear that laugh and her sister's cackle, see them turn to Adah, who Jazmine said has also been a 'nice' classmate this semester, remembering both Johnny and Adah from that middle school enough to know they were always both decent to her, and know they have been more so with her this year. I see Jazmine hug Adah, hear her say something to her and Johnny about hanging out at some point, see her turn to that idiot, and say she'll see him at school.

Then I see that soft afro move over to Grandad, put her arm through his left arm, and I see Cindy do the same with his right arm, watching them helping him down those steps.

I see them get to me, step out of the way to let them pass, and see them turn towards the parking lot. I look up, nod at Johnny and Adah, see them smile at me, and start walking after Grandad, Jazmine's sister, and that soft afro and small braids I'm going to touch as soon as we get home, because I get to ask for things like that today, and it's the eve of this pagan holiday and I didn't beat anyone that needed to get beat today.

* * *

I kiss that head and say, "I love you." I feel her put her head on my shoulder and hear her say, "Love you to Jazzy boo."

I press the cookie cutter down and hear her say, "Still can't believe shit at church." I laugh, pressing down on it, and say, "I can't believe he wouldn't stop looking at you. I mean it's church even if you are the prettiest girl ever."

I hear her giggle, feeling that kiss on my shoulder, and hear her say, "Shit sissy least the fucker scared 'nough that he ain't balsy to ask me for a hug in front of ma man. Damn two times. That fucker got some balls sis."

I exhale, nod, pressing the cookie cutter down again, and say, "I know. And I don't know what to do about it. At first it was okay because it was the last day of school and today Grandad kind of took care of it but." And I hear that cute giggle, feel my smile, and hear her say, "Yeah. Cuz we his preferred grandbabies and shit."

I can't help and start laughing harder, hear those steps, and hear her voice say, "Sounds like my babies had fun today."

I look up, see her putting that pretty hair up in that ponytail, wearing that 'mom of the year' apron, and know this has been the best Christmas ever already. Then I hear my sister say, "We did mama. Next time you and pop's going but we happy you stayed home."

I see her smile, pouring some of that awesome hot chocolate I finally got right after making my bestie a little sick but happy he knew to tell me the truth because I'm strong enough to take the truth, and hear my mom say, "Yes, it was nice getting to sleep in for a few hours, but how was it today? Anything interesting the pastor talked about or any friends you saw there?"

I inhale, look back at my sister, see that smirk, roll my eyes, and say, "Okay sissy, you go. I'll only add after you tell mom about everything."

She told mom about seeing Johnny and Adah, how red Johnny would get whenever he looked over at Adah and her parents sitting in the front with us, how the pastor talked about Christ and his teachings about helping each other in times of crises and specially people that need more help with food or clothes or just being kind to them during the winter when it's really cold, how some of the alter-boys kept looking at me and I said that's not true and they kept looking at her and Adah until Johnny and those boys went into the back and I think he talked to them, and then she told mom how Cairo and Dewey showed up when church was starting.

I see that pretty eyebrow rise, see her smirk, and I say, "I know mom. When I texted Huey I also told him to just stay in the car because I know he doesn't like going to church and I just wanted to tell him they were there and anyways everything was okay and we can defend ourselves, Grandad was there, and I don't think they were there just because of my sister and me, and he needed to calm down and I would text him after it was done. Then, he did something really weird and was waiting out there after I texted him church was over."

I see that pretty smile on my mom, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and hear my sister say, "I knows sis. When I texted Riles 'bout it he almost left his house 'til I told him I wouldn't kiss him if he showed and started shit when nothing's happening and I'd, I 'on't know, like give him some'ng when I got home."

I see my mom look over at her, see her giggle, and hear my sister say, "I knows mama. If we do, gonna use protection but ain't happening yet, just cuddles."

I smile, press the cookie cutter down again, and say, "I know sissy. It was kind of cute how he wouldn't stop kissing me until his alarm went off and then he said I told him we wanted to come home by three to help mom cooking and decorating for tomorrow."

I hear my mom exhale, I think sounding happy, and hear her say, "Okay sweethearts. I did want to spend the rest of today together and maybe next time I will go to church with you but just so you know I'm sure the reason your boyfriends were acting like that was because they know those boys today were there more than likely to see my two beautiful babies than any other reason, although church should not be used for that."

I start moving the extra dough away from the last Christmas tree around the cookie cutter and say, "Or to look at my little sister after she told him she doesn't like him and has a boyfriend."

I hear that cute giggle from her and hear her say, "Or be asking for a hug in front of ma big bro, second damn time."

I exhale and hear mom say, "Who's asking for a hug baby?" We both start laughing and proceed to tell her about that last hug he asked for, remembering we didn't tell her about that only because the fight at lunch and that creepy guy I'm happy I haven't seen since that day at the nursing home was way more important to tell her about, and then tell her about the hug Cairo asked for today.

* * *

I exhale and say, "Grandad are you," and he cuts me off with, "I'm fine boy, your brother's right next to me and my sweetheart's on my other side. You just carry them presents."

I inhale, keep walking, slower, regardless of what he says, walk up to the door, and see the door open.

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Sarah at the door, see her smile, and she says, "Saw you through the kitchen window. Merry Christmas Ms. Lola, Robert, boys. Please come in."

I hear them respond, see her move away, and I see them all walk in. Then I walk in, smelling that food, feeling my smirk smelling that specific dish, and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing all the decorations. All the decorations she said they wanted to come finish setting up after getting home yesterday while she spent time with her mother and sister. I exhale. The staircase, the figures at each corner of the room, every table, the walls, the music I can hear from the living room, and of course the pine smell of that tree. That tree. That damn tree business, and then I see it, that tree, as I'm walking into the living room. That tree with all those red balls she said she wanted to use this year and those white string lights illuminating it from the inside, with the colorful lights on the outside. I feel my smirk. And then I inhale, seeing they're all glass. Those red balls on that tree. They're all breakable. Like she wanted. I exhale. Maybe, possibly, I could try to enjoy this holiday, even if it's based on the commercialization of the country and many parts of the world, specifically making those people that do not have the means to buy presents, those trees, because they do live paycheck to paycheck, feel the need to put everything on their credit cards, credit cards manufactured and profiting only the white man and, and feel that hand on my shoulder, as I'm putting the gifts under that tree.

I push those gifts in, look over my shoulder, and I inhale what I think is air. Wow.

I really like green. I do. But, I really like dark red, like the color of those lips that day she was going to that party. Dark red.

I stand up, seeing those black boots first that remind me of one of my favorite movies only she knows about, the Addam's Family, those small black boots in that suede material she tends to wear, with those shoe ties over her foot. I go up to those ankles and see those black tights where I can still see those toned legs, continue up and see that dark red dress that stops two inches above her knees, that could move with the wind if there was any in this living room right now, those intricate designs in the material of that dress over a smoother material, and that waist I can see is being hugged by those intricate designs that go up that torso. I squeeze that small waist, hearing her swallow, see that chest my idiot teenage hormones are grateful she always covers, that chest that's covered all the way up to her neck by that tight dress with those designs that are possibly flowers and I would need more time to look at, but there's more to see, and then I see the only skin that dress is allowing me to see, those toned arms. And I exhale, catching the outline of that stone on the chest I can see under that dress.

I feel those hands on my arms over the sleeves of my shirt and I look up. And I see those lips, that soft darker pink, knowing that's not possible unless she's wearing lipstick. I feel my eyebrow rise seeing it's not lipstick, it's that lip balm she hasn't used since that first night she tasted me on that hill. At least I haven't tasted that lip balm since that night. That strawberry tasting lip balm. It's been too long since I tasted anything on her lips, regardless of how I feel about the taste of her lips, because tasting anything on them reminds me of the selfish, idiotic idea that she paints or doesn't paint those lips for me. I could taste them right now, seeing as I don't hear anyone in the room with us. And then I see that redness appear over those freckles, feeling my smirk, go up, and see those dark lines and dark color around her eyes that make her eyes look like those felines our ancestors believed in, worshiped, even if that seems too religious for me. But still, she looks like one of those cats worshiped by Africans centuries ago. No other color over those greens because she doesn't need it. Those dark lines and dark color, possibly shadows, around those eyes makes them stand out enough that I wonder if she's aware that Egyptians even today look like she does, with those greens, that skin that has enough pigmentation to stand enough sun in Africa, some with even brighter or darker hair, knowing Egyptians are Africans, even though many do not believe that because some Egyptians do not look 'African' enough for some idiots. It's those same idiots that do not know Africa's history, do not know Africans can have colored eyes, that would believe she's not black, have ancestry from Africa, because of the color of her eyes and that hair, even if Africans specifically from Egypt do have even brighter hair. That afro. And then I go up and see that hair, that afro, in all its glory.

I go down, tasting that strawberry lip balm mixed with the taste of her lips, knowing I'm holding that soft face now, and ask her why she felt the need to leave that hair soft without braids or anything else, just like it looks when she wakes up in my bed, and I hear her say because she's part black, I called her a Nubian princess a long time ago, and she loves her crown.

Fuck. I did call her that once and that Jazmine head remembered. I push through those lips, taste that tongue, hearing her say something I want her to repeat, and then I hear, "McHater where's ma sis!"

I exhale annoyance on this damn day and hear that giggle. I open my eyes, see those eyes with those shadows and that even darker pink on those lips possibly from those kisses, and she whispers, "I really like when Riley calls me that."

I feel my eyebrow rise, go back down, tasting those lips one more time, exhale, move away, and say, "Fine, now go see what your idiot brother needs before I kill him for interrupting us."

I see that smile, see that entire face get as red as one of those balls on that tree, see her look down, possibly embarrassed, and hear her say, "Okay bestie." Then I let go of that face, see her turn away, see her stop, and see her turn back to me.

I see her come back up, feeling that peck, and she whispers, "Happy pagan holiday Huey."

I exhale, see her move away, see that small smile, and see her turn away again, feeling those hands leave my arms this time.

And before she walks out of the living room I remember what she said right now, what she remembered I called her the first day of that schoolyear at that elementary school named after the director of the FBI that conspired by orders of the damn president to bring down the Black Panther Party, what she went through at that damn school, that fucken elementary school in the girl's restroom apparently, when she would show up late to lunch with those red eyes that I thought were because of whatever immature thoughts she was having or wouldn't show up at all, how wrong I was, those things those girls would say to her, those things she's only told me about recently when I started asking those specific questions, how strong she was even back then, how she thinks I'm strong and brave, which must mean she thinks I'm also not a coward, how I'm no longer a coward in any respect, even in the respect of 'feelings,' how this holiday makes her feel happy, maybe something that hasn't been the case in years, and say, "Merry Christmas Nubian princess."

I see that dress stop moving with her steps, wondering if I can drag her up to her room where we can be alone for no more than ten minutes so I can call her that again while she lets me continue tasting those lips, feeling that soft hair, and her hips grinding on me. Then I see that dress turn back towards me. I look up, see that face, see those eyes open, the entire circular green, focus on that open mouth, and before I can stop her, I see her run up to me. I feel that face on my chest, those arms around my torso, and those breasts pushing up on my chest. I inhale, trying to relax, put my arm around those shoulders, and bring her further into my body.

Then I hear that voice say, "McHater, need more hot chocolate and C-Murph making cookies, so I need ma sis in here!"

I exhale, hear that giggle, feel her hug me possibly tighter, and hear her say, "First year where nothing bad is happening, no one's sad and just getting through Christmas with a plastic tree and saying Merry Christmas but not really wanting to say it, we're all happy, everyone's happy, and it's for sure right now the best Christmas ever because you said that and called me that again, and I need to go make more Jazmine's hot chocolate explosion that you helped make taste really good after you kept telling me when it didn't taste good treating me like I'm strong."

I feel those arms letting go, hold her, and say, "Fine, to all of it and." I inhale and say, "I'll go with you only because I haven't seen you since yesterday but the moment his voice starts irritating me I'm coming back in here, and because that Jazmine head must know I'm only calling you that when we're alone or it might lead to me dragging you away where we can be alone."

I bring my arms down, see her move away, and feel my smirk seeing that redness and that water in those eyes, the tears that do not lead to me wanting to kill someone. Then I see her look down, possibly embarrassed again, see that smile, feel that hand grab my hand, and follow her out of the living room and into the kitchen where I can hear the talking and laughing coming from, and know she's right about what she said today has been so far, and doesn't have to know it.

* * *

I feel her sit down next to me, put my head on that shoulder, smelling that really good cucumber lavender lotion, hearing her exhale, and I say, "I'm so happy you liked your gift Mimi's and hopefully you like your perfume to because it just came out and I haven't read anything on it but it smelled really good at the store."

I hear her giggle, feel her move, maybe nodding, making me feel happy, and hear her say, "Shit, wearing it right now but you probably can't smell it cuz I be wearing my new lotion to."

I start laughing, hearing her laugh, exhale, and say, "Good, that makes me happy. Now sleep over."

I hear her laugh harder, hearing my favorite song playing, feeling my smile at everything being perfect, and hear her say, "Wish I could. My parents didn't even ask me when I wanted to leave but I know they want my butt home tonight. I don't even know. Been spending every day with them, if I'm not at Michael's or here and they still ain't tired of me. I mean I'm just waiting for them to tell my ass to get outta the house but they won't say it."

I start laughing, put my arm over her stomach, and say, "That's because they love their Mimi's, like we all do."

I hear that laugh, feel her kiss my head, knowing I'm so happy, and say, "Talking about people that love the Mimi's, how's Caes?"

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "He's alright. You know, like after that shit, we talked some more. I mean I knew 'bout his mom and how much she loves him, just can't be here right now cuz his grandma wants to be in Jamaica with more family and shit and his mom wants to take care of her and that all makes sense, like I told him, but." I hear her inhale, exhale, and hear her say, "He still feels sad, I know it, and I don't think that's gonna go away, but since that day his butt's been talking to them two organizations they got in Chi-Town, training more, and I think he's gonna talk to your afro 'bout taking over some of the social media shit cuz the guy's that's doing it right now is alright but he can't keep up with all of it. So, Michael's doing better and it's cuz of what your afro said I think, that he needs to use that shit, what he feels, for shit that matters."

I exhale, hug her tighter, and say, "And you?"

I feel her hands on my arm and hear her say quieter, "Not that good."

I inhale, kiss her shoulder, putting my head back on that shoulder, hear her exhale, and I say, "I thought so. You haven't been cursing as much so I knew."

I hear her laugh, feeling my smile, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "Same shit Cin bear told my ass. Shit's kinda creepy how you two think the same."

I laugh, exhale, and hear her say, "Love you two and just so you'll know, Laurie said Chi-Town bicycle's getting a beat down if we see her ass during the break."

I feel my eyebrow rise, open my eyes, see Lauren sitting in the single sofa, with that cute bun at the top of her head, those silver squared drop earrings, that silver and purple eyeshadow, light pink lipstick, that creamy, nude see-through shawl wrapped around her shoulders, that cute dusty purple cami dress that comes down to just above her knees, flaring at the bottom, and those nude suede ankle booties with a zipper on the side. And I see her laugh at my sister who I think is reenacting when Lauren swung up towards that dumb girl's chin.

I start laughing, hearing Ming laughing with me, and hear her say, "Damn, what we do to our sweet little Laurie?"

I laugh harder and say, "I don't know but I think it's a good thing with how happy she looks now but."

I exhale, sit up straight, bringing my hand down, and look back at her. I see those curls coming down from that half ponytail with that antique brass hair pin with that peacock in those red stones she said is her mom's and they brought from China, holding half her hair up, that really dark eyeliner with no eyeshadow because she doesn't need it, not at all, to make her eyes do that pretty cat-eye thing, that rosy, almost red blush, and that deep red lipstick that makes her look even paler but still healthy, like just a pretty healthy girl, the black skater dress with those shoulder straps that change in the front into a halter neckline, showing her fit arms, that fit upper body, the princess seams, flaring out at the bottom, like all our dresses that stops two inches above our knees, and those black ankle boots with laces that tie in the back. That dumb girl really has nothing on her.

That dumb girl. I exhale and say, "Why are you not good Mimi's?"

I see her exhale, I think looking at Caesar, knowing last time I looked over there I saw him showing something to that smart afro on his phone, sitting in one of those extra chairs we brought from the kitchen, after we all ate earlier. I exhale, feeling happy that afro and dreads are talking, because they're best friends, even if he says I'm his best friend before those dreads, I know for sure, they're best friends. And I'm sure they're looking at emails or websites that have to do with those organizations or with the Black Lives Matter chapter those organizations work with, things that matter a lot.

Then, I hear her say so quietly I think I'm the only one that can hear, "I'm not good Jazzy, cuz that asshole made him feel bad. Not just that hoe that made him think 'bout his mom and that fucker, but that asshole made him feel bad cuz of his money, cuz he got money, and Michael ain't got a lot, but I don't give a shit about that long as he kisses me."

I feel my small smile, see her look at me with that light pretty makeup, see her exhale, and she says, "And I don't want Michael feeling shitty 'bout that asshole, feeling shitty 'bout anything cuz he already went through enough shit, not just as a kid but just growing up there those years without his mom, and I didn't."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her exhale, and I say, "Mimi, you didn't what?"

I see her inhale, see her eyes get watery, and she says, "I didn't go through any of that shit. I didn't. I had my mom and dad always. Yeah, grew up some years not living with them when I was training, but they visited me a shit load so I'd know them, and then fought my grandfather to get my ass back home. And after that, I'd just go train on some days, and cuz of my grandfather being who the fuck he is, he made it so I'd get my own driver back and forth from my house to the training center. So, I could live with my parents and then go to the training center for just a few days outta the week but didn't have to live there no more. So, I got to live with parents, got to have that, and cuz of that when shit started getting bad where the trainers started talking shit to me cuz of that game and other games I lost, telling me I was fucking up and dishonoring them and shit I told my parents, cuz I love them and I'm their only kid and I tell 'em everything, and that's when they got me out. It happened so fucken quick. Next night, after I had told them 'bout some of the things those trainers were saying, they woke me up in the middle of the fucken night, told me we were going out to eat, and got me in the car. After a while of my parents driving somewhere I fell asleep, woke up at the airport, getting on a plane with no fucken luggage, nothing, just our passports, shit we were wearing, cuz we were gonna go to America for a week they told security at the airport and didn't need luggage cuz we were buying American clothes and shit and bringing it back. Then, we got on the plane, then another plane, then made it to California, and my parents applied as refugees cuz of the political shit in China and I think they got it approved cuz of who my grandfather is and America's cool with anyone who wants to get away from him. And after that, we stayed in California for few months, and moved to a few other places. Then in Colorado my parents called my grandfather and I remember them telling him to stop sending letters to us 'bout going back, told his ass why we left, how they wanted to give me a different life and shit, away from that training, specially how fucked up the trainers were getting, and that got to my grandfather. Cuz, I think, even if he wasn't cool with how we left and how we didn't wanna go back, he didn't want the trainers being like that with me. So, he kinda let us go, let us just be happy here. And, I think, just remembering him, he was cold as fuck, kinda scary, but he wasn't mean and shit with me, just business with me, even if I was his fucken grandkid, so I think he kinda cared 'bout me, least a little, and my parents for sure love me, so."

I see her exhale, see her small smile, see her look down, and she says, "I know people love me and shit, specially my parents, but." I see her stop, see her look over at Caesar I think, and hear her say quietly again, "Michael grew up with a fucked up dad, nah, not even, just a fucked up guy that was only 'round for a minute, being a total asshole, and then took off. Then he had his mom and uncle, but then his mom had to leave, and that was like his only parent that was there through all the shit, his mom, protecting him I'm sure from that fucker in any way she could. And then he had his uncle, who's probably the best uncle ever, but they still had a hard time cuz, you know, of sending money to his mom to take care of his grandma and other family, something they still do but don't gotta say it for me to know. And then that fucken asshole at school and that stupid bitch gotta remind him about that shit, 'bout what that fucker that hurt his mom did, 'bout him and his uncle not having enough cuz his uncle's a good fucken person and even now sends money to Jamaica to take care of Michael's mom and family, and."

I see her inhale, see those watery eyes fill up, and hear her say, "I don't want him hurting no more. He's been through too much. I want him to be happy but I don't know if I'm doing it right cuz I don't know 'bout that, having a fucked up dad, not having 'nough money sometimes, and then not having my mom around cuz she gotta leave. I don't know that, so I don't know if I'm doing it right, making him feel happy."

I see her look down, see her blink, I think trying to not cry, and hear her say, "He makes me happy. I wanna make him happy."

I exhale, feeling confused, and say, "But, why do you think you don't know how to make him happy or that you don't make him happy?"

I see her look at me, see that pretty eyebrow rise, and she says, "Cuz I don't know what it's like Jazzy. I don't know what it's like, what he went through, so I don't know if I'm doing it right, making him happy."

I exhale longer, feeling really confused, and say, "But you know what you went through."

I see her exhale, see that confused look, and she says, "But I don't know what he went through, so how am I supposed to know if I'm doing that shit right, making him happy?"

I inhale and say, "Mimi's, what was it like when you were in that training center, being away from your parents, before they were able to get you back home?"

I see her eyes open, see her eyebrow rise again, and she says, "Lonely as fuck. I missed them so damn much and cried like every fucken night."

I nod and say, "And what was it like thinking someone that was okay taking you away from your parents to that training center didn't want you leaving China so much that your parents had to leave in the middle of the night, telling those security guards at the airport you were all only leaving for a week when your parents weren't planning on going back because of how your grandfather was, how kind of controlling he sounds like he was, then getting here, and your parents calling him only after moving a few times and probably only because he was sending them letters to get them to go back to China? How did it feel knowing he wanted you to go back when your parents worked so hard to move you here, so you could be happier, away from those trainers and maybe your grandfather?"

I see her exhale, see her blink, I think thinking, and she says, "Felt scary as fuck, all of it, that my parents had to do that shit, leave like that, and then having my grandfather still wanting them to go back, knowing his ass was gonna make me be part of that kickball team again, even if the trainers weren't as fucked up with me, calling me stupid and weak, telling my ass if I was a boy maybe I would be better, and that having a girl first in a Chinese family is fucken bad luck. And I know my grandfather would've told them to not say that shit to me but they would've kept doing it cuz that's how fucked up they were, making my ass work that fucken hard I broke fucken bones when I was a kid, and then telling me to get up and do it again cuz a sprain means it ain't broken. And I know my grandfather, no matter how much he would've told them to not be hard on me, he'd probably let it slide after a while, way they talked to me, treated me, saying stupid shit 'bout me being a boy so I could be better, cuz with him, my grandfather, it's all 'bout business, and not family, and he was scary as fuck that way. And I felt scared he wanted us to go back and happy as fuck my parents told him that night, thinking I was asleep in my room, that if he didn't stop sending those letters we'd change our fucken name and he'd never know 'bout us, and I don't why, but my grandfather said he'd let us go, and let us be here, let me be happy. But I was still fucken scared of his ass."

I see her exhale, see her look down, grab her hands, feeling her holding my hands, almost like she's getting something from holding my hands. And, I hope so because she's my friend and I love her.

Then, I see her look up at me with that scared look, feel my inhale, knowing just like my little sister I have to take care of her, and I say, "Then you do know. You know what it's like to cry when you don't know when you're gonna see your mom and dad again because you're in some training center and all you wanna do is go home and be with them. And you know what it's like to be scared of not knowing how things are gonna be because of some person that's after your family, not knowing where you're gonna have to move next, how scary that is. And yes, it's not the same thing as not having a lot of money, but it's still scary because you don't know what's gonna happen, maybe how you're gonna get through that day, if your parents are gonna move you again to keep you safe. So you know. You know what it's like to cry because you're lonely because you don't have your parents and you want them. You know what it's like to be scared of not knowing what's gonna happen next and if things are gonna change again, moving to a different place or maybe even changing your name. You know that fear. So you do know, in some way, what he's been through. And."

I exhale, see her smile at me, see her look down with those watery eyes and that smile, and I say, "And you know he makes you happy, so just like you told our Laurie." I see her look up at me with those watery eyes, smirk at her, and I say, "How do you feel about whether you make him happy or can make him happy, knowing you do know in some way what he went through? And answer that with the truth, not with what that dumb girl or that jerk at school thinks, that they make you two happier, people that cheated on you, don't deserve you, and don't know you. How do you Mimi feel about whether you know how to make him happy or that you are making him happy?"

I see her exhale, see her giggle looking down, and hear her say, "She my best friend, but I want your ass as ma sister."

I feel my smile, see her look up with her pretty smile, see her exhale, and she says, "And, I feel like I knows how to make him happy cuz I fucken know him, know I make him happy as fuck, least that's what he tells my ass, that I make him feel like none of that shit from that fucker that left them matters. And he wants me to meet his mom this break over the phone, because he's fucken proud of me, and he says his mom fucken loves me cuz of everything he says 'bout me, but I know she likes me not cuz of that but cuz I make him happy, happy as fuck like he makes me. And that's cuz we know 'bout each other, know each other, shit we went through, and know how to help each other when we feel shitty about it. So yeah, I knows how to make him happy and know for a damn fact I fucken make him happy."

I feel my smirk, nod, and say, "Good, because if not we were for sure gonna find that dumb girl and that jerk and beat up both of them like our sweet Laurie said."

I see her start laughing and start laughing with her, knowing we're all so happy. Thank you Black Jesus.

Then I feel that hand on my arm, my bare arm. I inhale, look up at him, see him looking down at me, see that beautiful eyebrow raised, and he says, "I know you two are talking and I'll let you two continue after this but I wanted to know, so we can start implementing certain changes, how you would feel about becoming involved with…"

I feel my eyes open, stand up, hugging him, jumping up and down, and I say, "My answer is yes! Yes bestie! What do you want me to do! I can start going through articles to look for how black women are affected when the person they're married with gets arrested, even if they didn't do anything, like losing that person even for a few days in jail, and how when they come out they have a record and then it's hard for them to find work, and that affects how," and feel that arm go around my shoulders, smelling that soap I love on him with my nose on his chest, and hear him whisper, "I was going to say becoming involved with the sifting through articles they send us, postings on different platforms, seeing as we can't possibly catch all the ways our people are affected by the system, not just the arrests, laws used behind those arrests, the entire process, but other ways those families are affected, but I believe you've already been thinking about this and have your own ideas on how you can help, be involved."

I hug him, hearing Ming saying to Caesar of course she can help to with maybe looking for discrimination in mixed families, and I hug that hard torso tighter. I bury myself in that chest even if I'm wearing makeup because it's waterproof and I just want to smell him, knowing I'm being childish, but I don't care because I'm just being Jazzy, and Huey just asked me to help with those organizations and all the ways they make the black community aware of how to fight back those people that are trying to keep them in a place.

I exhale, feeling him hug me, and know nothing else could make this night even better.

Then I hear the door open with those loud voices, hear that cute annoyed exhale from him, and know it's only gonna get better, but I should probably make him some tea.

Then I hear, "Where's that hot chocolate and cookies Riley was talkin' 'bout! And your ass bring your Nintendo Caes?"

I giggle, feel him exhale longer, and I say, "Be nice bestie. It's only Ed and Rummy. And I'll go make some tea because I know you need it."

I move away, feeling him holding me, and hear him say, "Fine, but I'll go with you only because I want more of that dish and want you to keep telling me about whatever Jazmine ways you've thought about helping."

I inhale, know my eyes are getting watery, nod, and say, "Okay bestie."

Yes, the night cannot get any better.

Then, hearing the music stop because someone took the needle off the record player, I hear the door open again, not hearing voices right away this time, knowing they're finally back, look over at the door, and feel my smile, seeing pop's, Hiro with a white rolling carry-on behind him, and a really, really pretty girl walk in.

And I feel my mouth open, seeing her. She has Hiro's eyes, his nose I think, his forehead, but that's it. Long dark brown hair, almost red in some places, that comes down to her chest, all in those long layers, that deep dark eyeliner, an oval shaped face with fluffy cheeks, and pink shiny lipstick on heart-shaped lips. I know who that is but it's weird because I know they're not twins but they look so similar, just with Hiro being maybe a head taller than her. But still, even if she's shorter, she seems taller than that with how she stands up straight in that white long cardigan I need to know where she got because it looks so soft, that nude, almost pink, loose silk dress that comes down to just above her knees I think at the same length as our dresses, those black tights, and those black block heel school uniform shoes. I want those shoes. Where'd she get them? They could go with so many of my dresses.

Then I see that cute bun with that nude see-through shawl and cute purple dress walk over to them, see her smile at Lauren, and I think I heard someone inhale to my far left, way far, like where the record player is, feeling my smile. She is super pretty.

And I feel my eyes open seeing her hug Lauren and seeing Lauren get stiff, probably really surprised she's being so cuddly. I start laughing, hearing Ming and my sister from the other side of the room laughing and start walking over to them.

We get to them, see her let go of Lauren, look over at us, see her eyebrow rise, and she says, "Including my brother, how did they all manage to get girlfriends like you all?"

I feel my mouth open, hearing that annoyed exhale behind me, and start laughing.

I extend my hand out and say, "Hi, I'm Jazmine," and she cuts me off saying, "You mean the reason he doesn't look he like suffers from major depression anymore?"

I feel my mouth open again, hear him exhale, see her laugh, and hear everyone else laughing. I start feeling how annoyed he is, bring my hand back down to squeeze that thigh behind me, see her smile at me, and she says, "I know. You're Jazmine, the reason he no longer fits into as many categories in my psych one book." I see her turn to Ming next to me, see her smirk at her, and she says, "And you're Ming, who's the reason my, for all intents and purposes, younger brother with dreads isn't as hard on the outside as he was because of people that shouldn't have been in his life at all." I see her turn to my sister, see her give her a small smile, and she says, "And you're the Cindy, the reason my brother's best friend, even if he never says that is his best friend, is no longer going missing for hours and is actually doing really well in school, along with my younger brother who I have to thank Lauren for."

I think my mouth is still open, hear the groans, start laughing, hearing that hearty laugh, and hear him say, "I think you nailed them all Hiroko. Let's go to the kitchen so you can meet Sarah and Ms. Lola, who should be in there with Robert, Huey and Riley's grandfather, who you probably remember."

I see her smile at pop's, hearing a long exhale from somewhere from my far left behind me now, and she says, "Okay uncle, but where do we put my luggage?"

I smile and say, "In my room if you want, that way you can get anything you need from it anytime."

I see her turn to me, see her nod with that smile, and hear Hiro say, "Alright, make sure to eat something in there. If you want something with vegetables and shit, cuz you like that shit, Jazzy girl made something you'll like, and remember don't be leaving and shit without telling," and hear her exhale and cut him off saying, "'Iro, please stop okay. I promise I'll be fine from here to the kitchen and I'm not leaving anywhere and I've been feeding myself at school for an entire semester now. Don't worry so much about me little brother okay?"

I see Hiro exhale, see him nod, and see his sister and pop's turn, walking into the kitchen. Then I hear Lauren say, "Come on. I'll help you take Hiroko's luggage up to Jazzy's room okay."

I see Hiro turn to Lauren, see him smirk at her, and see him follow her up the staircase to my room, not really needing her help, even if she is holding his hand, and I start laughing.

Then I hear, "Who that?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over my shoulder at Ed by the record player, with that record still spinning but with the needle in his hand. Has he not moved since he picked up that needle?

I hear Riley say, "Ed, that be Hiro's sister. His only sister he almost fucken killed someone for."

I see Ed exhale, see him nod, and he says, "So, if I wanted to, I don't know, just talk to her and shit, nothing more, you think he'd be alright with that?"

I feel my eyes open and hear my sister say, "Ed's, you're more than the homie, you like my brother, but this one you gotta be careful with and shit. She ain't just some fucken hoe. She the homie's, nah, she Riley's best friend's sister and there shit there that we ain't gonna talk 'bout cuz that's family stuff, but Hiro's protective of her and with damn good reason, almost like the guys be with us, but more, cuz that's his sister. So, know what you asking before you ask on this one, okay?"

I see Ed inhale, see him nod again, and he says, "Alright."

Then, I hear those light steps, look over at her, see that long bright blonde hair that comes to her chest now in that straight haircut she wanted me to do because she likes how it looks with her suits, how pretty she looks with that light gray eyeshadow, that blush, no lipstick, that sparkly short sleeve gray blouse, and those loose black slacks covering her black open toed two-inch heels, and feel my smile at how pretty my mom really is, how happy she looks with that smile.

I see her turn to Hiroko with that smile and she says, "So I think you met everyone, but I want to make sure you feel completely at home here so you'll come stay here every day if you want while you're visiting, but we need to start with making sure you feel comfortable right now, and that starts with knowing every person in this house, so is there anyone you haven't met?"

I see Hiroko look over to my left, see her blush, I think looking at Ed, see her nod, and then hear from behind me, towards my far right, Rummy say, "Sarah, she ain't met just Ed and myself, but met everyone else."

I see my mom's pretty smile looking at Hiroko blushing and she says, "Well then, why don't you two come up here to introduce yourselves to Hiroko, Hiro's sister, and a new addition to the Christmas party tonight and hopefully someone that'll be over here for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with the rest of my daughters' friends at least many more times while she's visiting."

I see Hiroko look at my mom, see her exhale smiling at her, and she says, "Thank you and you're making me miss my mom a little."

I start laughing, hearing everyone laughing, and hear those footsteps, one set of footsteps I think walking slower, like he's nervous, walking up to Hiroko.

Yes, the night got way better.

* * *

This night is going to end with someone dying, possibly, maybe.

I exhale, feel that kiss on my cheek, feeling my smirk, knowing we're with family and trusted idiot friends, and those kisses are helping me focus on something other than Ed possibly dying at Hiro's hands tonight.

I hear her giggle and hear her say, "I can't believe this bestie. Hiroko hasn't stopped laughing and I have never, ever seen Ed smile like that, like almost like he's happy."

I exhale, nod, knowing that Jazmine head could be right but. I look over to the kitchen, see Hiro talking to Lauren, not trying to see what they're saying, but know whatever it is has helped after Hiro kept looking at Ed like he could possibly kill him standing there, possibly would have if he had his knives, and Lauren finally dragged Hiro to the kitchen.

I exhale, look down at her, see that thick afro, that crown, exhale, and say, "When did you remember about that name?"

I see those greens look up at me, seeing those dark lines our ancestors would have not only admired on her but more than likely worshipped, that small nose with those freckles, possibly another African trait, that skin tone, those lips there is no question come from that lineage, trying to remember why idiots would ever fucken think she's not black.

I exhale, see that smile, and she says, "Yesterday, when we were taking the Christmas decorations down from the attic. The decorations were so far back in the attic because we hadn't used them in so long, I think years, that we ended up pulling other boxes out, boxes that had pictures from elementary. Then, we started looking through those pictures and there was one of that day, the first day of fifth grade, and." I see her exhale, see those greens blink the way she does when she's happy, see that smirk on those full lips, and she says, "I remembered that day I had come home with my hair in that mess with just a rubber band holding it down, how when my mom saw it she asked me why I had a rubber band in it when I knew rubber bands pull hair out and I shouldn't use them. I told her my hair tie broke at school and after a girl said something mean about my hair I asked my teacher in the next class if I could have a rubber band for my hair. Then."

I see her inhale, feeling like going to go punch that fucken idiot that called her those names in middle school, all of those fucken idiots, see her look down with that smile I want to kiss, and she says, "Then my mom cut the rubber band out of my hair with scissors so it wouldn't pull my hair out anymore, asked me what that girl at school had said, and I told her I didn't wanna say it, and really I didn't even remember by then because on the way home you had let me sit next to you on the bus, and the whole time on the way home I kept thinking about how you had called me a princess in class when the teacher made us introduce ourselves, and that's all that mattered. Then, mom smiled and said we needed to take a picture of me that day to remember it because it was a special day, not just because it was my first day of fifth grade, but because after someone was mean to me I did the right thing and thought about good things, things that are true, like how my best friend had said I was a princess. A Nubian one."

I see her look up at me, exhale, seeing that blush, feel my smirk, and I say, "And now, aside from being that, you'll also be helping with those articles, at the very least, because although Waldo tries, he's also busy with other responsibilities, so Caes will be taking over half the platforms, but between you and Ming, however you choose to delegate, you'll also sift through them, see if you can find," and feel that kiss.

I inhale, kiss her back, tasting that strawberry lip balm, wondering how I can still taste it if it's been hours since our last kiss and I had two servings of that dish. I feel her move away, open my eyes, see that smile, and she says, "Thank you for trusting me with that bestie. You don't trust people, outcomes, but you do trust more people today with that little bit of hope that people are gonna do what they say, even me."

I exhale, nod, and say the selfish truth, "Especially you."

Then I hear my brother say, "Nah man, later Hiro, let's go."

I look up, see Lauren holding Hiro's hand, possibly trying to pull him up those stairs, and my brother behind Hiro, pushing him up those stairs.

I see Hiro look at Caesar, see him nod, see him look at me, and I nod. Then I see Hiro exhale, see him turn, and follow Lauren up those stairs with my brother and Cindy following them.

I exhale, feel her move away from me, look down at her, see her sitting up, see her smiling at me, and she says, "Tell Hiro we're here. Go with them. They'll probably need you to talk to him."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her smirk, and she says, "And remind him we take care of our own okay?"

I feel my smirk, nod, look over at Caesar, see him nod at me, and I get up and walk over to the staircase.

I inhale, knowing I am not good with words, probably will never be, but I can stop a fight. I get to the top of the staircase, walk up to her room, hearing the talking, and open the door. I step in, hearing them stop talking, close the door behind me, and hear him say, "She alright?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Hiro sitting in that desk chair with Lauren possibly holding him down with her hands on his shoulders, standing behind him. I exhale and say, "Hiro, Caes is down there. Leo is down there. My grandad is down there. Aside from that, Jazmine and Ming can fight well enough to take anyone at that damn school. And she told me to remind you we take care of our own damn it, so calm down."

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "Yeah man, I know that shit, just." I see him stop, see him look away, and he says, "She my sister and she."

I see him inhale, see him focus possibly looking at that luggage, and he says, "Just worry 'bout her. She been through some fucked up shit."

I exhale, lean back on the door, and hear my brother say, "And your ass took care of that shit."

I see Hiro inhale, see him nod, and he says, "Yeah, but, I didn't fucken kill him."

I exhale longer, thinking about all those damn possibilities, including the ones I was not aware of, the ones that were happening in this room when she was that fucken age, and hear Lauren say, "But then she might be sad if you were in jail, away from her, even though he deserved it."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feeling my nod, focusing on those pink blankets that probably smell like her because, regardless of how logical I can be, some things, some actions, what happened to his sister, don't need logic, they just need enough punches to make sure that worthless piece of shit isn't breathing afterwards.

I hear an exhale and hear my brother say, "Hiro." I inhale, see Hiro look up at my brother, see him nod, and hear my brother, "When you gonna let her go?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Hiro inhale, and he says, "The fuck that means Riley? She can do whatever the fuck she wants? She ain't gotta check in with my ass. Never has, even after that shit, never had," and hear my brother cut him off saying, "Cuz your folks switched her schools after that shit we ain't talkin' about, put her in some private school with bunch of girls, and I knows, so don't fucken lie to my ass Hiro, don't you fucken lie, reason you did half that shit for your uncles was so they could pay for her school and that ride she'd get 'til your folks figured out how da pay least for that school, and then your ass got out. But when you'll couldn't pay for the fucken ride you'd make her wait for your ass at school every fucken day, every damn day 'til she went to college, college with bunch of girls again. So you can say all your ass wants 'bout her not needing to check in but you knows she ain't never had to cuz you and your folks had her on lockdown, and still do."

I see Hiro inhale, feel myself stand up straight to stop the fight if I have to, seeing Lauren possibly trying to push Hiro down into that chair, and he says, "She was fucken raped Riley. Fucken middle school when she supposed to be thinking 'bout fucken high school, doing dumb shit with other girls, not fucken crying every night, every fucken night, cuz she ain't gonna have that shit no more, cuz we both fucken know that shit's special to their asses, girls and their fucken first, and she ain't gonna have that, my sister who took care of my ass when I was kid, fucken teaching my ass school shit never fucken cared 'bout but she my sister and I gotta listen to her, my fucken sister, she ain't gonna have that shit, her fucken first, that shit, she ain't, she ain't." I see him stop, see him inhale, seeing his eyes water, and see Lauren hug him, saying something to him. I see him exhale, see my brother kneel from him place, and hear him call Hiro.

I see Hiro exhale longer, see him grab Lauren's arms around his neck, see him nod looking at my brother, and hear my brother say, "We know, we know, a'ight. We don't talk 'bout it cuz it's fucked up, all of it, and that fucker should be dead and only reason he ain't is cuz some fucken snitch called the police when you were beating him in his fucken house, being a pussy fucken hiding there after he did that shit. And that fucken snitch saved your ass from fucken going to the pen, cuz you know if you woulda killed him even your uncles wouldn't have gotten you outta that shit. So, whoever the fuck called the police, even if that be a snitch move, saved your ass from getting locked up, even if that piece a shit still don't deserve to live after that."

I see Hiro nod, hear my brother exhale, and hear him say, "And we both know Hiroko ain't dumb, what happened back then happen cuz she was a kid, a lil' girl, we both know you fucken trained her after that shit, and."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Hiro roll his eyes, and hear my brother say, "Yeah always knew you were training her on the side even if your folks didn't want that shit."

I see Hiro smirk, see him nod at my brother, and hear my brother say, "So you knows she can handle, she ain't dumb cuz even if she talks better it's only cuz of those damn schools she went to, but she still grew up in Chi-Town, knows 'nough shit to be fine, and I ain't one to talk cuz I knows I got my own shit when it be 'bout being too protective 'bout people that mean shit to me, but we gotta let them walk to class, even if we don't wanna."

I feel my smirk, see Hiro's eyebrow rise, and he says, "When the fuck your ass grow up?"

I hear Cindy and Lauren laugh, hear my brother exhale, see him stand up, and hear him say, "Ma girl's older than my ass, had to."

I shake my head, see Hiro exhale with that smirk, see him look down, possibly thinking, see him look at up at my brother with his raised eyebrow, and he says, "You trust his ass?"

I hear my brother exhale, look over at him, and see him look down, possibly thinking, I'm sure aware his answer matters.

Then, I see him look up at Hiro and he says, "Trust his ass with Cindy."

I look over at Hiro, see him nod, see him exhale looking down, and he says, "Yeah, but seen them together and Cin be like his sister, so it be easy to trust his ass with her."

I exhale, knowing he has a point, and hear a voice say, "Then ask McHater."

I look over at Cindy, see her sitting on Jazmine's bed, holding one of those pillows that soft afro likes to put under her knee to not cut the circulation of blood in her legs because she says that's healthy, wondering if that pillow smells like that strawberry smelling hair, and how much I don't care about wanting to take that pillow.

Then I hear Hiro say, "Why though?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing that's a good question, see Cindy exhale looking down, still holding that pillow I'm going to take if this conversation last longer than ten more minutes, and I hear her say, "Cuz Riles be right. And you right to. Ed always been like my brother, since first day Riles took me to meet his ass to blow up shit in his backyard, always treated me like a lil' sis, always telling my ass to not do stupid shit, stay in school and not fuck up my balling with doing shit I shouldn't be doing, kinda like ma big bro would say sometimes when he was telling Riles and me that we ain't supposed to be out that late and if we get caught doing stupid shit he's gonna beat him and drag my ass to my sister's house and tell her he caught Riles and me doing dumb shit, and then she'd be mad. And they both always treated me like a lil' sis even if they never said it, so."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her look up at Hiro, and hear her say, "So, ain't really a good question to ask Riles if he trust Ed, cuz that's his homie who treats me like I'm his lil' sis, so 'course he's gonna trust him, but it's different if you ask McHater if he trust him."

I exhale, hearing Hiro exhale to, and hear him say, "Huey."

I look over at him, nod for him to continue, see him inhale, and he says, "You trust his ass?"

I inhale, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Wait. Better question."

I see him exhale and he says, "You trust him with Jazmine?"

I exhale, thinking about those many times we've hung out, the countless times him and Rummy would come over and I would go downstairs to find them all watching T.V. or just eating or asleep, sometimes with that Jazmine head and Cindy asleep on the couch, my brother asleep on Grandad's recliner, Ed and Rummy watching horrible shows, BET, waking up my brother so we could carry Jazmine and Cindy to what used to be the guest room and locking the door from the inside, where they would be the only ones that could unlock it once they woke up, because I didn't trust Ed and Rummy yet, and I felt even back then at that age, I needed to make sure that she was okay, that she was fine, as my brother possibly felt about Cindy, remembering he wouldn't object to me locking that door. I inhale. How it took years for me to trust them, even after my brother did and I knew they wouldn't try anything, because I still felt this need to take care of her. But, I exhale. I knew they wouldn't try anything. Whereas with the other fucken disgusting imbecile I always knew there was something wrong, something off, as Aunt Cookie and Grandad would say about that fucken lunatic. What he could've been doing to her when he was here, alone in this room with her. This room.

I inhale, focus on what's happening right now, see Hiro nod, waiting for me to reply, and I say, "It took time, but." I exhale and say, "I hardly trust anyone, let alone very few outside of my family, and regardless of the idiotic, pointless things they would do with Riley and Cindy, at least from what I remember of their dumbass conversations about women, those two never pursued a woman after she rejected them, rather walked away saying they had other girls when in reality their egos had probably been bruised beyond repair, knowing how immature those two were. But, never did they say they continued to push themselves onto someone. And foremost, the fact is that it takes me years to trust anyone, if I ever do, and I left her downstairs with both of them, even if Caes and Leo are downstairs, because no matter what, I am not downstairs, I still left her downstairs with Ed and Rummy, and know she's going to be fine. Just like she has been these last few years when I would go downstairs to again find my brother, Cindy, and her asleep in the living room with Ed and Rummy eating everything that was in the fridge and knew I didn't have to worry about her or her younger sister, who reminded me of my brother too much to not feel brotherly to her in some respect. At least in the last year or two I have not woken up Riley so we could take them to the guest room. I just let them all wake up whenever they felt like it. So, the answer based on those sometimes daily occurrences, the fact that even now I'm still dealing with my own overprotectiveness, even if it's based on reality, and still, I left her downstairs with them and would allow her to fall asleep in the same room with either one of them because they've never looked at her any other way, both those idiots deal with rejection from women with bruised egos and no longer pursuing them, the answer is, even if I hardly trust anyone, I do trust them with her, and know they could be trustworthy with women."

I see him inhale, see him possibly smirk, and he says, "You right. You ain't trust no one outside this house and maybe Aunt Cookie. We lucky as fuck."

I exhale, hearing them laugh, knowing the conversation is probably over but there could still be a fight and should stay in this room for a few more minutes to ensure I'm here if it does happen, but I still get to ask for things today. So, I walk over to that bed with too many damn blankets, grab one of those twenty small, insignificant, pointless pillows, and sit down on the floor next to the bed. Then, hearing their laughing, I put my knees up, putting the pillow on my knees, my face in the pillow, not giving a shit as long as it smells like her, feeling something in my stomach again knowing it does smell like her, exhale, and say, "Tell me when this is over or if I'm needed to stop a damn fight."

I hear their laughing finally dying and hear Hiro say, "Nah, I'm alright. And I knows, I do, that I gotta start somewhere and shit, letting her go, specially since our folks said it be cool to let her change schools, kinda showing they letting her go to, even if there's gonna be fucken guys at the school she wanna go to now."

I feel my eyebrow rise, smelling that pillow, wondering if she'll miss one insignificant pillow if I take it home. Damn it, focus Huey.

I exhale and hear my brother say, "Wait, what school she wanna go to now?"

* * *

She smiles and says, "University of Maryland in College Park."

I feel my mouth open and say, "That's such a pretty school."

I see her laugh, see her nod, and she says, "It is, but I wanna go see it while I'm here, just to see it in person, and then, if I like it, and I think just looking at the pictures I know I will, I'll transfer, but really." I see her exhale, see her smile, and she says, "The reason I'm thinking about it is that I'm kind of a family person, miss our folks a little sometimes, get homesick, and being all the way at Wellesley it's just been hard because sometimes I just wanna go home for the weekend, at least to see my family, some of my old friends, but this way, I'll be just an hour away from my little brother and I can at least come annoy him maybe once a month, so I won't be so lonely."

I feel my smile and hear Ming say, "Don't think you be annoying anyone, specially the homie who kinda looks like he missed having his big sister 'round."

I see Hiroko smirk, see her look down, kind of smiling, and she says, "Well, it's not just that he missed me. He's kind of just used to having me around because before I left to college we were always together, well, when I wasn't throwing something at him trying to make him do some homework."

I start laughing, seeing her laugh, and hear Ming say, "Yeah, it's kinda cute now that we know Laurie made his ass study for finals so much his ass got some A's."

I can't help but laugh harder, hearing them laughing, and hear Hiroko say, "Yeah, I do not know how she got him to do that, but it's probably because she's really sweet, good to him, and she's probably encouraging him, telling him to not worry about his grades, just do the best he can, just some positive support with no judgement on him, and that's a good first step when wanting to help someone improve themselves."

I exhale and say, "So you said psychology major right?"

I see her smile at me and see how pretty she really is, thinking maybe I see the reason Ed hasn't stopped looking over here, not just because she's so nice and easy to talk to but she's just really pretty. But, it's still nice he's trying to let us get to know Hiroko, even if I can see he looks bored sitting at the kitchen table with Rummy, Caesar, and pop's talking and Ms. Lola and mom making Rummy blush for some reason.

I giggle, look back at Hiroko, see her blushing I think, see her inhale, see her nod, and she says, "Yeah, after getting to Wellesley and taking just one class I knew that's what I wanted to study, no matter what I focus on, but really it was after being raped that I," and I inhale, hearing Ming doing the same thing.

I see her smile again and she says, "I thought you two knew with how close you all are."

I exhale, feel my small smile, and say, "Well, I know you were attacked, only because it kind of just happen that Hiro said something at school about beating up a guy that really deserved it after he said some really, really," and hear Ming cut me off saying, "Fucked up, dump shit to our Laurie."

I see Hiroko's pursed lips, see her nod, and I say, "Yes, that jerk said those things, Hiro got mad, said some things to him, and Laurie told him in Spanish to not get close to her again and not provoke Hiro if not she'd put a sexual assault charge on him. Then I asked Huey why Laurie told that jerk to not provoke Hiro and he told me you were attacked like me but." I inhale, see her give me a small smile, smile back at her, and I say, "When I was attacked, and even when I lived with a really bad person that luckily never did anything to me, I didn't go through that stuff, nothing close to what you went," and stop, feeling her touch my hand.

I see her smile and she says, "I'm not gonna tell you how to feel about any of that, especially because it sounds really scary, but just know to try to not compare what you went through when you were attacked or if you lived with a really bad person with anything anyone else went through because those are things you went through, the things you went through in your life, and they're important, no matter what anyone else ever went through okay?"

I exhale, feeling my smile, feeling like crying a little, and hear Ming say, "You sure you can't like stay and shit, like ain't there a college closer and shit?"

I start laughing with Hiroko, see her exhale, and she says, "They have a really well-known psychology major at that school but I'll try to visit maybe every month, since I can probably be here in an hour once my folks send up their old car."

I hear Ming exhale and hear say, "Good shit." I laugh, hearing Hiroko laugh.

Then I see Hiroko look back at me with that smile and she says, "So, you were saying?"

I feel my smile, nod, and say, "Yes, so all Huey said was that you had been attacked at your school and they found you, but you weren't well, but he didn't say why you weren't well, I just kind of knew, and I think Huey was probably trying to not say it because that's really personal."

I see her nod with pursed lips and hear Ming say, "Yeah, same with my ass. I asked Michael 'bout why Laurie said that and he said the same shit. But he also said after that happened Hiro, you know, found that fucker, beat him up, what he deserved, if not more and shit. And after you'll uncles got him outta going to jail and shit they called his ass and told him he had to do some shit to pay back."

I see her nod at Ming with those pursed lips, see her exhale, and she says, "Yeah, my little brother did do those things because my uncles are sick, not good guys, and then." I see her inhale, see her look away, and hear her say, "Didn't know about this until later but he kept doing some of those things so my uncles could pay my tuition at a private all-girls school, my therapist, and a driver that would take me to and from school. But luckily, that all stopped when I begged our folks to do something about it, even if that meant me going to a co-ed school again, I just didn't want my little brother doing those things."

I see her exhale, see her look up at us with a small smile, and she says, "Then, my dad said he wanted to keep me at that school, away from boys, keep me going to my therapist that was really helping me, and would get another job to afford the tuition but I had to always walk home with my little brother from school or our mom would get a second job to afford that driver. So, I made sure to listen, to never walk home without my brother, even when I wanted to, to always listen to them, never miss an appointment with my therapist, do really well in school, only get A pluses, and then I got into Wellesley on a full tuition. And I did all of that because I wanted to make them proud, show them their hard work paid off, show my little brother if I could make it to such a good school, no matter what he was doing, if he wanted to, he could to, and."

I see her inhale with that small smile and she says, "I wanted the fact that I got raped to not matter, those nights I cried, those bad thoughts I had, to not matter. Those bad thoughts Kathy told me were okay because they were my thoughts, and I deserved to think anyway I wanted as long as I didn't act on those thoughts and talked to her about them first. Then, between Kathy and I, we could try to figure out if they were good or bad thoughts and then I would keep working on myself, telling myself what happened to me was not my fault, could never be my fault. And Kathy told me that every morning I had to look in the mirror, no matter how much I didn't want to, no matter how much I saw an ugly girl that got raped because she deserved it for staying late at school one day finishing an extra credit assignment, walking down those hallways by myself. I still had to look in the mirror and tell myself that one day I was gonna help girls, anyone I could, so they wouldn't feel bad about having bad thoughts after something bad happened to them because those were their thoughts, they deserved to have those thoughts, to think anyway they wanted as long as we talked about those thoughts first, tried to figure out if they were good or bad thoughts, and then reminded them what happened to them was not their fault, it would never be their fault, and the most important thing I would tell them is that they shouldn't feel ashamed because that thing that happened to them doesn't make them who they are. Because a person is a lot more, a lot stronger than one bad thing, ten bad things, a lot stronger than one bad, sick person, so I can tell anyone, anyone I want, anyone I feel comfortable with that I got raped two and a half months after my twelfth birthday, before I even kissed a boy, and it's okay because one day, when I want to, when I'm ready, when I say yes, I'll kiss someone I want to kiss, and be with them, but only when I'm ready, when I want to, and not before."

I hug her, feeling Ming's arm over my back and my arm, those tears from Ming on my arm, knowing I'm crying to, and say, "Why can't you stay? You can live with us. I'll move into my sister's room and you can have my room and we can call you Hiroki."

I hear her laughing, feel her hugging us, hearing Ming saying she has an extra room and she can live there half the week, and we can share her, hearing Hiroko laughing harder, and then hear, "Wa we miss sis?"

I open my eyes, see those pretty long gold waves full of brightness and fun that reach her waist now, knowing I'm not trimming that hair even if she wants me to because it looks too pretty at that length, that dark blue eyeshadow under that deep dark black eyeshadow we're both using instead of liquid eyeliner, that pretty gold necklace with the cute 'c' pendant that looks almost like an 'e' because it's in cursive and I know she hasn't taken off since she opened mom's present, that off-the-shoulder skater dress in that stretchy material that shows how fit her upper body is, the princess bodice, flaring at the bottom at that length we all kind of like to wear, those see-through tights, and those black suede ankle booties that zip up on the side.

I exhale, look up at Riley behind her, looking at me, smirking with that blush, I think knowing what I was thinking, and start laughing.

Then, I move back, letting go of Hiroko, see her smiling, and see her turn to everyone on the staircase. I turn back to the staircase again and see the guys behind my sister and Lauren walking down those stairs with the guys in their dark pants, those dark butting up shirts, Riley in his clean Timberlands, and my bestie and Hiro in those nice dressy shoes. And I know my bestie said the brand for those dressy shoes is 'captain,' but he just looks so cute in them, like how he should always wear them, with jeans or slacks or anything, but they look really good with those straight fit style black jeans he's wearing, and that Calvin Klein midnight blue extra fit shirt I told him would look really nice on him when I found it online. And, the thing about Huey is he really doesn't care about what he wears. He really never has. All he ever thinks about is helping his community, helping people, and I can probably tell him to put on some shorts and sneakers and he'll do it as long as he doesn't have to think about it so he can keep focusing on things that matter. That warm brain. That warm brain with those muscles. God, those muscles in that extra fit shirt. Will he ever know how good looking he is? Do I want him to? Am I breathing? And then I blink and see him looking at me like that, making me feel like running to the bathroom because we're around friends and family. Oh yeah, what was I thinking?

I hear that laugh, look over at Hiroko, see her shaking her head, and hear her whisper, "It's so cute how you all look at each other like that."

I start laughing, hearing everyone laughing, feeling my cheeks getting warm, and hear a voice say, "Hiro, can we talk?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at Hiro, see him exhale, nod, and see him and Ed go back up those stairs.

I look over at my bestie, see him looking at Riley next to him, see that darn talking without talking thing they do, see my bestie exhale, see him nod, and see them start walking down the stairs, feeling my mouth open. I guess they're going to let Hiro and Ed talk alone. I hope everything works out. And then I remember, it's Christmas, we're all together, everything's perfect, Black Jesus is watching, and he called me a Nubian princess after he said Merry Christmas. Yes, everything works out, and I feel my smile, seeing my pretty sister and that cute bun on Lauren walking up to us, knowing we can maybe keep talking with Hiroko while we wait for the guys to come back downstairs and then maybe have more of Jazmine's hot chocolate explosion and Cin bear's cookies NBA madness.

* * *

I exhale, remember it's been days, four days to be exact, some other occurrences have happened since, and say, "Thank you. It's." I inhale, trying to find the right words, exhale, remembering the patches she found, how she found them, where the damn money is going, and say, "What I'll wear until it needs to be washed, should be replaced with something that matches what I'm wearing that day, which I couldn't care less about either way, or it's no longer cold, which won't happen for at least another two months."

I feel that thick leg move over me, remembering how long those legs are, exhale knowing we both came at least twice and have several marks on each other, remembering that last time her body almost convulsing when I bit that neck possibly harder than I was planning, hearing her say my name in that way and cursing loud enough I was satisfied, satisfied enough I came when I felt that hand squeeze me so hard it felt like she was trying to force me to ejaculate. Damn, I feel relaxed. And I made sure to leave those marks, not giving a shit how many she left on me, as long as that slim neck has those marks, regardless of how I understand and no longer care how this world works.

I feel those breasts press up on my side, that kiss on my chest over that organ she likes to kiss, and hear her say, "Okay bestie and thank you for my new phone that I'm happy you only got as the base model but did all those extra things to it so it can probably be faster with more memory, probably even shoot lasers, and I know has all emergency phone numbers on autosave and you just happen to get me the dark pink one I really wanted. Thank you bestie. I love it and can't wait to use it to take pictures of us, my family, my friends, and everything we're gonna do this vacation and during summer and then when we go to Chicago and then go see grandma and," and put my hand over that mouth, those lips, hearing her exhale, feeling my smirk, and go down to my hand, and kiss her.

I exhale, feeling relaxed, completely damn relaxed, feeling those soft fingers on my face, those kisses going down my face, the way I like, those fingers moving into my hair, massaging my head, and hear her say, "And thank you for talking to grandma. I love you." That occurrence from yesterday.

_I exhale, trying to release all the air from my lungs, feeling the wooden chair under me, my hands open and facing up over my knees, and close my eyes__, knowing I need to relax, damn it._

_Then I hear that voice say, "Bestie?"_

_I open my eyes, look over at that smile and that shine in those eyes in the hallway, go up, see that bun I'm going to touch after this is over damn it, and hear her say, "Okay, they're done and she's waiting for us."_

_I exhale, nod, __trying to remember those missions, all the tactical experience, and I stand up. I walk over to her, see her look up at me, see her smile, knowing she's happy, and she says, "Just so you know, no matter what, I'm gonna love it."_

_I feel my eyebrow rise, see her laugh, and she says, "You meeting her Huey, so relax okay?"_

_I exhale, nod, grab her hand, see her turn with that bun, and focus on it, walking up those stairs. _

_That tactical experience. Those missions damn it. _

_We finally get there, see her open the door, and walk into her mother's bedroom. I see my brother walking towards us with Cindy next to him, holding his hand, see him look at me with that smirk that reminds me we are brothers and he's going to say something idiotic, and he says, "Likes my ass more."_

_I exhale annoyance, hearing Cindy's cackle, seeing her hit his shoulder, hearing her tell him to stop it, and see them walk around us._

_I exhale, feel that squeeze in my hand, know this is happening not only because I get to watch those particles in front of her face each morning when she sleeps over, but because this could possibly make her happy, which is why I decided to interfere when she said she wanted her to meet her sister, my brother, and myself, and she's older and doesn't like small appliances, something completely understandable. And of course the damn reason I even had to interfere is because most people do not want to focus on the elderly, producing devices that could help them, because those people do not see a profit in helping people of limited or on a fixed income. This selfish damn world like myself because really if I'm honest with myself, if I'm honest, I only did it because it's Jazmine. And she wants her to meet me._

_I inhale, walking around the bed, get to her mother's desk, seeing that bun and those hips slide in over the first chair onto the second one, not letting go of my hand, wondering if she knows how damn nervous I am, even if there's no reason for me to be this nervous. But still, I hold onto that hand, sit down in the chair next to her, and look up at the desk, at Sarah's laptop with that screen we're calling that basic laptop from. _

_And I see Jazmine. She is going to continue being exactly what she is right now. That afro, that blonde afro, that skin that has enough pigmentation to stand anywhere, here, Africa, Louisiana, those greens that come from her African lineage because if what Jazmine said is accurate, this woman is completely half black. That Egyptian green because it's that time of the day. Shit. She got it from this woman. Even the variation. _

_I exhale, seeing that nose, knowing that's the only thing she did not receive from Sarah's family, those freckles. Those freckles that must come from that piece of shit's family, the family she says is completely, if not mostly, black. And that blonde afro, more than likely those greens, the color of her skin, that face that is not only Sarah's but Jazmine's, all comes from, with good certainty, the black side of Sarah's family. And those freckles come from that piece of shit's family. Jazmine has more black in her than anything else. _

_I feel it on my face, see her smile, feeling it get bigger, and she says, "So Huey, you're brave, helping get a bad, horrible man away from my babies, and kind and generous, working at that shelter while my granddaughter works at that nice old people's home, all things my baby and granddaughters have told me all about, but what I don't know, even if my granddaughter has told me enough about some of things you two have done, like taking her to Chicago, the ways you're teaching her to take care of herself, so many things I'm darn sure I can probably sit myself down to write a whole book about them, but what I don't know is about that other work my granddaughter says you do, the kind she says is really important, helping other people, work she says she wants to help with. And because my granddaughter gets so excited when she starts talking about it I've told her I want her to keep helping with whatever it is, but I also wanna know about that work from you because of her saying just how important it is to you. So tell me son, what kind of work is it and how are you part of that work? I want you to tell me all about it."_

_I exhale, still feeling it on my face, feel that squeeze in my hand, feel myself nod, and say, "Yes ma'am. The work is for the betterment of our community. To begin with, how I take part in that work is by being the founder of twenty-three radical leftist organizations that in the last six years have been reorganized under similar goals, aspirations, pathways into two separate organizations, one being Africans Fighting Racism and Oppression or AFRO and the other being the Black Revolutionary Underground Heroes or BRUH, both of which communicate on a monthly basis, if not more regularly, with several Black Lives Matter chapters, one more consistently than others, that being a chapter located in Chicago, and a more recent one, at least based on their continued want to work with us, located in California. Both AFRO and BRUH, through social media and other avenues, including door-to-door grassroot actions, strive and work towards bringing awareness of the continued, real, visceral, oppression, segregation, and demonized criminalization perpetrated upon blacks in this country and worldwide, with the long-term goal for world-wide revolution, in which all people of color, primarily those that feel the weight of oppression economically and socially, will realize the power we have. This combined power or movement will lead not to reform, not to work with, against, or in reaction to a system that continues to be used by those, primarily white men with wealth and power to kill, if not slowly through disease and joblessness, homelessness, ostracism from the greater world that could help that community, then directly by selling guns, ammunition, to those people and then militarizing the occupying force that is most, if not all, police force in this country, and so this movement will lead to none of those, but rather the creation of a new system, one based on one's own merits when everyone has the same economic opportunities when they are born with no added wealth coming from inheritance accumulated through the oppression and killing of past generations, which is how capitalism was formed and continued to be forced upon this country and the world for centuries, where everyone, every single person starts with the same amount in their bank account, the same opportunities for education or training, with some possibility of entering a job market where they can expect to actually find employment. A new system when everyone has the same opportunities socially without the fear of social oppression through segregation that continues to force onto the black community the idea that it is somehow less than, that it can only produce one type of force, one type of art, one type of image, thinking it cannot produce outside of that, what it's been told for centuries it is, all for the profit of the man that continues to kill us slowly, if not quickly, never letting us expand, grow in all directions. And once this has been accomplished through this radical world-wide movement, first through changes we will continue to implement in this country, bringing any ideas, forces from the outside willing to take part in a movement created by, led by, and empowered by people of color and not another white man that wants to take it in his direction, then we will have the revolution that will lead to the weight of the oppression being lifted, the color line truly disappearing into history, and a system, even if implemented in different forms by other nations, where one's own merits will lead to a life worth living because it began with the same economic opportunities they saw in those around them and ended with the same social, unsegregated freedom to expand in all directions. But of course in the meantime, we must continue to monitor police brutality, court cases dismissed by the highest court of this land on the grounds that those cases are based on race when we live in a world where race no longer exists, colorblindness they call it, which is the new form of oppression, by calling us criminals right out the gate rather than putting 'only whites' signs over the doors of ivy leagues, corporations, state and government offices. And having this information, pushing it not just onto those clean government desks, those that belong to the people in office, our representatives that only represent themselves once elected, but pushing it onto the people, making the people, the community, the power that will be the movement aware of how to fight it, what laws can be used to not have those drug charges for weed, a non-physically addictive drug, unlike actual cocaine, the white man's drug, stain their record, the laws to fight those mandatory sentences they use to imprison us for years for carrying crack in the same amount a white man carrying cocaine would get months in jail, if any, but more than likely none, because he would not get stopped-and-frisked like we would. And so, we must continue to make the people, the community, aware there are ways to fight those sentences, those plea deals they force onto blacks with threats of those mandatory sentences, those stop-and-frisks, those unconstitutional searches our community can say no to but doesn't know it can. And we will keep working on this, keep pushing forward, keep organizing, keep creating the movement, being reminded time and time again as a black man in eighteen fifty-seven said, with no struggle there is no progress and power concedes nothing without a demand, it never did and never will."_

_I see her nod, see her possibly exhale, and see that shine in those greens, knowing I have been an idiot for longer than I thought not seeing how gorgeous she is right now solely based on what Sarah looks like, because I only figured that out right now after meeting this woman. _

_And I see her smile, see her start laughing, hearing that laugh next to me, look over at that bun, seeing her laugh like that again, feeling my damn smile again, and hear her grandmother say, "Riley reminded me of a baseball player I fancied over when I was a young girl but you Huey."_

_I feel my eyebrow rise, see that bun stop moving, see her smile at that screen, and look over at her grandmother._

_I see her smiling at me, see her exhale seeing her shoulders possibly move with that, and she says, "But you Huey, you remind me of my very first boyfriend, Bobby, who was also my very first and only love."_

_I hear that voice next to me say, "Grandma, you've never talked about him, well, about anyone."_

_I see her grandmother smile, see her look down, possibly remembering, and she says, "That's right honey. I don't talk about that other man, the one that came and left when god blessed me with my baby because there really isn't a thing to say about him, other than what he looked like and the clothes he was wearing that night when I was walking home, had gotten to that broken gate in front of our house, felt a pain in my head, a pain that made everything that night go dark, and woke up to him."_

_I see her stop, see her exhale, see her nod, look up at us with those Jazmine eyes, and she says, "Woke up to him over me in the woods, next to the road."_

_I hear that inhale, let go of that hand, and put my arm over those shoulders, bringing her into me._

_I feel that small hand on my stomach, feel her relax into me, and feel her nod on my chest. I see her grandmother smile at her and she says, "Baby, it was a mighty long time ago and god blessed me with your mama and I would not take that back for a thing in this world."_

_I feel that exhale under me, rubbing that soft sweater over that shoulder, see her grandmother nod, and she says, "Well, after that, he left, and I got up and went to the police to report it and."_

_I see her exhale and she says, "The police asked me who that man was. I told them I didn't know him, told them what he was wearing, what he looked like, and then they stopped me and said if he was a white man they wouldn't be able to help me."_

_I inhale, feeling the shaking in that shoulder, see those greens in the screen look at me, see her nod, and she says, "Yes son. Because I was a colored woman and he was a white man the police would not help me and I would have to get help somewhere else. But I explained to the police that I didn't have money for that, cleaning for those families in those big houses that paid me enough for only my food and my mama's upkeep who was weak from all those years she had worked, having to stay with family, not knowing then that I would only have my poor mama for a few more years, and telling the police I couldn't possibly pay no lawyer to help me or even have enough money to be spending on bus fare to go to the next county to talk to the police there, knowing they probably say the same darn thing. So, I asked them again to help me because that man had to take responsibility, least be punished for what he did, that I was a good girl, had only kissed one boy, and that white man needed to be locked away for what he did. Then."_

_I feel that shoulder move, feeling her sit up, see her grandmother smile at us, see her exhale, and she says, "Then they told me that wasn't none of their business and I had to leave because they couldn't promise nothing like that wouldn't happen again to a colored girl walking home that late at night."_

_I feel that body move forward, hold her, and hear her say, "Grandma, which police department? I know you didn't always live where you live now, so where did you live when this happened, and was it the police department close to that house?"_

_I see her grandmother smile at her, see her shake her head, seeing those curls move, feeling a need to take that hair tie out of that afro next to me for some damn reason, and she says, "Baby, I told you it was a mighty long time ago and really, I'd rather not think about those bad things, bad things done by a bad man not by god who blessed me with your mama, who was my joy, my love, and who I knew wouldn't go through those things because she looked more like that man's family, and in that I was grateful that my baby would be spared the suffering my own mother and I had gone through and maybe she would be something like a lawyer one day and help people, all people, and no man, white or anything else, was gonna take that away from me, from my baby. She was gonna grow up to be a wonderful woman no matter what stock she come from because she comes from my stock, my mother's stock, and we trust god and those spirits left behind that help us get through hard times. So don't you worry about that police back then or that bad man from that night. You just keep being the good girl your mama raised, keep taking care of the baby girl in the family that needs your guidance, and keep making sure you bring me this boy when he has time because I wanna remember my Bobby and everything he said today about helping colored folk, all folk, here and around the world, that's exactly how my Bobby would talk, and it made me feel just." _

_I see her stop, see her smile, look down, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing her possibly get that tint Jazmine gets over that nose, and she says, "Just, made me feel like my Bobby maybe didn't completely leave this world when he passed on."_

_I feel that exhale holding that shoulder and hear her say, "Grandma, is it okay if I ask about him?"_

_I see her grandmother look up, see her smile, see her start giggling, feeling that body next to me coming back into me, feeling myself relax into the chair, see her grandmother nod, and she says, "Yes baby. Bobby was my first boyfriend, my very first and only love, and I never felt like I did for that boy like I did for any other boy or any other man."_

_I feel that hand on my stomach, feeling relaxed, and hear that voice say, "And you said Huey reminds you of him grandma?"_

_I see her grandmother look at me, see her smile at me, see her nod, and she says, "Sure does baby, specially that hair my Bobby had day I met him, when he moved down the street from us, about two months shy of my thirteenth birthday, and him and his mama came over to introduce themselves, his mama saying it be customary where they come from."_

_I see her inhale, see her exhale, and she says, "That day that boy made me so darn angry pulling on my hair when I wasn't looking, saying he never seen no girl with hair my color where he come from, over there from Alabama, and I kept telling him then if he never seen one, he seen one now, and he best stop pulling on it or I'd hit him. Then, you know what that boy did? He laughed at me, saying I wasn't gonna do a darn thing to him and if I did hit him he wouldn't a felt it because I was too skinny. Oh my lord did that boy make me angry that day, and just about as I was gonna hit him for laughing at me he goes on saying he'd have to make sure, just because I was too skinny, to walk me to school so I wouldn't get my hair pulled by any other boys or girls."_

_I see her stop, see her exhale, looking at Jazmine with that smile, possibly remembering another time and place again, and she says, "That boy walked me to school every day for two whole years, always telling me how I was still too skinny to walk by myself but one day he'd make it so even a skinny girl like me could walk to school by herself without no one calling her skinny or pulling on that yellow hair he'd never seen on any other colored hair, telling me how he was gonna finish school and then he was gonna go to some college he heard was over there in Tennessee and." _

_I see her stop, see her look down with that smile, knowing where that Jazmine smile comes from now, and she says, "He was gonna be some big lawyer one day, help us colored folk, even the Mexican boys and girls that were as dark as we were, everyone he could he'd help, and he'd take me with him to that college so he could keep making sure no one would pull on my yellow hair and then that boy kissed me."_

_I see her stop and see her exhale, feeling that heart on my stomach, that exhale in that shoulder I'm holding, see her inhale, her forehead scrunch, and she says, "Then, just six months to that day, from that pretty spring to the end of that hot summer, six months from the day he kissed me, five months from the day we started holding hands and asked my mama to be my boyfriend, three months from the day I kissed him, two months from the day that fifteen year old boy with eyes that shined like the morning sun said he loved me and wanted to marry me after he became that big lawyer, and one month, one month from the day I told that boy I loved him and I'd marry him, came that knock. That godforsaken knock on our door that night. That knock, where I woke up, heard my mama walk over to the door, and then heard that cry, that cry from a woman that had lost something so precious, so very precious to all mothers, specially mothers that know every day is God-given with their boys, their colored boys they gave life to, they carried, washed, fed when no food was there to feed no one, found a way to clothe them living off nothing working for those white folks in those big houses, and still finding a way to give them food and clothes, keep them respectable, because that's all that boy was, respectable, with good values, good upbringing, and a good heart, a boy they found that night butchered because he had told some boys, some boys that lived in those big houses to not call him a nigger because he was no nigger, he was a colored boy, and he was gonna be a lawyer one day and was gonna make it so no colored boy be called nigger, least that's what his mama said was in that letter they found on Bobby, after they had butchered him so where only his mama could'a recognized him. His poor mama."_

_I feel the shaking, hold her tighter, knowing this is the history, recent history, not slavery, emancipation, even the civil rights movement, that people do not want to speak of or want to think existed at one point in this nation, afraid it will break their illusion of this great nation. _

_I see her grandmother inhale, see her look up, see her smile at me, and she says, "You probably know what happened after that don't you son?"_

_I nod, feeling my temperate rising not being able to stop it, see her exhale, and hear that voice under me, through that sniffling say, "What happened? Didn't they go to jail? Those boys needed to go to jail, right?"_

_I hold her, see her grandmother look over at that unrealistic optimism, see her possibly give her a reassuring smile, and she says, "No baby, they didn't. There was no police report, no angry people, just a really sad mother who lost her boy and a girl that cried for many nights thinking she'd never fall in love again."_

_I feel her sit up, holding her back, and hear that voice say, "But why? I don't get it. Why wouldn't the police do anything? Investigate, anything, go talk to those boys, their families, why?"_

_I see her grandmother give that Jazmine head that smile and she says, "Because baby that was before the big changes that happened with the civil rights and people, even if they were angry, hadn't started getting together in places like where we were, specially for one colored boy, one colored boy that didn't have money, had only his mama, those few people he grew up with, a girl that could holler all she wanted to the police about what had happened and how he was a good boy and was gonna marry her, but then that girl's mama would apologize to the police, grab her hand and drag her away telling her she didn't wanna lose her own daughter because those boys, those bad people didn't only butcher colored boys, they didn't only take colored girls' virtue, they also butchered colored girls and I was my mama's only baby and I'd remember that woman's cry, Bobby's mama, and didn't ever want my own mama to know that pain. So, I decided those boys, the police, those bad people, took him from his mama, took him from me, but they wouldn't take no other good things about Bobby, not ever, those things he would say, those dreams he had of being a big lawyer and helping people, all people he could help, taking me to that college with him, my first kiss from him, holding hands that spring and that summer, how that poor boy shook when he asked my mama to be my boyfriend, how big his smile was day I kissed him, that cool tree he sat me under when he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me, watching those pretty eyes of his shine on that morning, and then, after telling him I loved him and I'd marry him one day, oh how he kissed me." _

_I feel that exhale under me, feeling the wetness on my shirt, her shaking, see her grandmother smile at her, and she says, "And those things about Bobby have never left me baby, not once, not when that bad man took my virtue, not when those people called me those names because I was just another colored woman with no husband, thinking the father of my baby was a colored man, not thinking if he was a colored man he would'a respected me, married me, even if we lived like poor folk, but he would'a loved me and our baby, not that white man that will never know that wonderful daughter I raised because he don't deserve to know your mama, he don't. And so, only a good man like my Bobby would'a deserved to be your mama's daddy, only Bobby, even after he had passed on and I had your mama I knew, I knew my Bobby was watching from heaven and he loved your mama to, like the daughter he would'a loved. And I just prayed that I never let those things about Bobby leave me and maybe one day I'd see those things about him in a son or maybe a grandson, so thank you baby, thank you for letting me see that."_

_I exhale, holding onto the shaking under me, and hear that voice through the sniffling say, "I love you grandma." _

_I see that smile, those eyes, that hair, hearing her say she loves her to, see her look at me, feel myself nod, and say, "Thank you ma'am."_

_I see her smile that Jazmine smile and I exhale, hugging that shoulder, and she says, "You welcome son, but remember from here on I expect to meet you soon, not just the calls through this big phone you made for me that I love because now I get to see all my babies when we talk, but I expect to see you all here soon, on one of your vacations, and I want you to stop calling me ma'am and call me by my God-given name that all my babies, right now being my granddaughters and your brother, call me."_

_I exhale, hear that voice under me say, "Um grandma, Huey isn't," I inhale, bring my hand down from that shoulder to that soft face, and put my hand over that mouth, feeling her stop moving. _

_I exhale, remember that exchange between Jazmine and myself with the truth, Sarah and myself with a vegetarian dish, my brother and myself with acknowledging we actually care for each other, all the other exchanges I've started to have with family, friends, and now possibly, someone that means something to that Jazmine head and made me realize how much work there still is to do, and respond to that work with, "Yes grandma."_

_I see that smile possibly get bigger, feel that kiss on my palm, and know those missions, all the tactical experience, could have never prepared me for this occurrence, this exchange, and I'm fine with that. _

That occurrence from yesterday. That occurrence those missions, all that tactical experience, did not prepare me for. Those missions I successfully completed because of that tactical knowledge. That tactical knowledge I learned mostly on my own after learning of certain forms of warfare, how to properly implement them into progressive, rather than reactionary measures. Those forms of warfare that I will now be reminded of because of those patches. Those patches. I grab that soft face, kiss her, telling her that gift she gave me is exceptional because it not only has patches of those movements, revolutions, organizations, political, social, cultural affiliations that have any significance to my goals, but I know that money she spend on those patches, including that dark green military-style field jacket with those hidden pockets that are tailored to each jacket, is going to go directly to an organization that helps people, but mostly blacks and Latinos, recently released from prison with criminal records that make it hard, if not impossible to find work and live a decent life.

I kiss that face, telling her I won't only wear that jacket on any first day of anything so long as it still fits but I'll also use it to help our community, the community that exists now, and not just the youth, the generation before, but the generation before that, her grandmother's generation that went through atrocities in the land of the free where a black boy my age wasn't free to speak without being killed, making sure to use those hidden pockets to carry anything necessary for this fight, the one those aware, like she is and our friends, know exists and it needs to be fought with force. Force.

I inhale, moving away, away from that soft face, those grenades. And I feel those hands on my face.

I exhale, open my eyes, see those dark forest greens looking at me in my dark room, see her move up to me, feel that kiss on my nose, and she says, "Bestie, why did you say it like that, getting cold at the same time? Like you were scared of saying that word?"

I inhale, exhale, feel those hands moving back into my hair, massaging my head, and she says, "Please Huey, remember I'm strong, no matter what it is, and between you and I, we can do anything, so please tell me?"

I inhale and nod, remembering that last thought. Force. Force that we still live with today, because in poor communities, predominantly black and brown communities, the police not only practice stop-and-frisk based on race, the unwarranted seizure of property they're allowed, encouraged, to keep for themselves in a war on drugs, but can and do forcibly enter, bust their way into houses of suspected drug users and sellers, even if it's only for fucken weed, with those grenades, all because some informant is trying to get out of a longer sentence that they were more than likely forced to take through one of those plea deals they give us more than any other race. The race she's part of, regardless of what fucken idiots think, the race her mother to some degree, her grandmother to a greater degree, and her great-grandmother to a complete degree were and are part of. And I do not lie and they were and are strong women.

I exhale and say, "We are only." I inhale, exhale, see those eyes blink, and I say, "Dating or whatever it is this world thinks we are. We don't know what will happen in the future, even if I've had some insight into it at times, and do not know if what we are will."

I inhale, see that small smile, and I say, "Grow, if that's what you'll want, but."

I see that smile possibly get bigger and I say, "If it were to stay intact or grow into another direction, one in which we could be living together, I."

I see those eyes open, see that mouth open, and then close.

I feel my smirk and say, "If it were to go into that domain, I need to know that you."

I exhale, see her nod with those closed full lips, and I say, "That you know what it could be like to be with me, in a house, where I could possibly make a few, many idiots within and outside the black community angry at the truth, and would have to deal with their retaliation, such as being accused of having drugs in my house or weapons or any other pointless reason to search my house, regardless if everything was in legal order with respect to those weapons and there's little, if any chance there would be any drugs in my house, seeing as I see no point in them because they take too much energy away from my goals. But still, regardless of all those facts I, my house, those in my house, would still be subjugated to that treatment, not just the very real possibility of being pulled over by the police with people, even kids of my own, in the same damn car, because I'm black and I'm driving a car that's not falling apart, but the possibility of making some fucken idiot angry enough to accuse me of having anything in my house, having the police, a fucken military SWAT team the police use to bust into houses in the middle of the night, show up with legal, military force like those damn flash-bang grenades that kill elderly black folk in those houses, traumatize children that have no say in being born to a black parent in this racist world, those people sleeping next to that black suspect that would be not only scared to a point they would have nightmares but be humiliated by that entire night. Those children, spouses that should not be going through that simply because they so happen to live with, be married to, love someone that's trying to just make the community aware of all the work that needs to be done, trying to make those changes happen that too many are too scared or too tired to keep working towards. And all of this Jazmine, all of it happens to us, blacks, brown, but mostly black men if we're living anywhere that's not the upper class or the suburbs, even if we have people in our homes, people we fucken care about, people we possibly love and."

And feel those lips push up against my own, tasting them, that tongue pushing through, closing my eyes, and pull that waist into me. I feel those hands on my neck, possibly on those marks she left, not knowing there was any other place I would want those hands when we're kissing other than my shoulders or in my hair, but damn I was wrong.

And, feeling those kisses on my face, I hear her say, "Huey, my one and only boyfriend." I exhale, holding onto that waist, feeling those kisses on my forehead, and hear her say, "I don't know about everything, but I know I'm strong." I inhale, trying to remember why I was angry a few minutes ago and felt my temperature dropping, feeling those kisses over my nose, and hear her say, "And I know, because of everything you are, polite and respectful to everyone, affectionate with me, passionate about everything you do, super intelligent and driven, always overthinking things." I inhale, feeling myself twitch, bringing those hips into my, feeling her shiver, and hear her say, "Overthinking things like if you, someone as good as you, could fall in love and how to do it, or how to ask for help, like you're asking me right now." I feel those kisses on my cheek, feeling that soft afro, those curls on my face, feeling those hips moving over me now, and hear her say, "And I know you're scared of that stuff, that stuff that could happen, but I know you Huey, and." I feel that hair move away, feeling her put that long leg over me, inhale, knowing I'm close, feeling those kisses on my left eyelid, feeling those hips moving in that way, and hear that voice say, "I know because I know you, because you're all those things, you're gonna have lots of friends, lots of people that will make sure that doesn't happen, just like you're gonna make sure your friends don't go through that, who are probably gonna live close to you, close to us, because we all love each other and know we don't wanna live far away from each other and."

Shit. When did she get that small hand between us and pull my underwear and shorts further down? I hear my groan, feeling that stomach with my head now, and start moving over that stomach, feeling that leg holding onto me, and I move down, to those legs, between those legs, pushing into that warm center, hearing her curse. Fuck.

I feel those kisses on my nose, move up to those lips and kiss her, tasting that tongue, hearing her say, in between letting her breathe, that she's not dimwitted, if that happens she'll fight back, everyone in our house will fight back, because we're all strong, we all come from strong stock, strong enough for any struggle because with no struggle there is no progress, and she's a Nubian princess but right now she wants me to call her a Nubian queen and she wants to cum on my dick.

God. Shit. I hear myself say she's my queen of some sorts into that mouth, hearing that loud cursing, and feel that warmth on my base, the shaking of those curves I'm holding, those fluids around my base, and that release on that soft stomach. Fuck.

I breathe in that air, inhaling the insignificant amount in this room, this room where what happens between us doesn't only make me content, satisfies me, but makes me happy, and hear that voice say my name, then those nicknames.

I exhale, feeling those kisses on my face, and hear her say, "I love you to. Now, that's like the third time you came tonight, well, we both did, but this week has been really long for you with Christmas Eve, then Christmas, then meeting grandma, and keeping up with those emails from Waldo and now Caes, specially after Mimi and I found those ways those men's families are gonna be affected when they get out and then finding those really good organizations that can help those families with food and hopefully more while their dads and brothers are in jail, but still all of that, everything from this week, was a lot for your warm brain, so you need to sleep and rest. And I don't care that we're on vacation and we can do it every day, we're still having a 'Huey and Jazzy slash non-friend Sunday' tomorrow, or in a few hours okay?"

I inhale, open my eyes, see those tired eyes, knowing she's tired to, feel my smirk, and I say, "Since I just came, there's little chance I'll get hard from it right away, so I'll say it now."

I see that fine eyebrow rise and I say, "I want that tomorrow, we're both sleeping in, but first we need to clean up and since I know that was your last extra nightshirt, use one of my old shirts I still have from when I was younger that I keep at that top of my closet, Nubian princess."

I see her move in, feel that kiss, not a peck, just a kiss, exhale, closing my eyes, putting my hand on that lower back, bringing her in, feeling those hands on my neck, and hear that voice whisper over my lips, "Best Christmas week ever."

I kiss those lips, feeling relaxed even after this week with that holiday. That jacket with those patches she gave me for protection from the cold. That phone I made sure to add a cover and screen protector to for protection from daily usage. What she said earlier about that phone.

I move away and open my eyes. I see those eyes open, seeing that blinking she does, and I say, "Do you want it to shoot lasers because it's possible to include a laser, I would just need to know the purpose to attach the right kind," and feel those lips kiss me, hearing her say she has a laser pointer on her keychain, loves her new pink phone like it is, and she loves me.

I kiss those lips back, tasting them without that lip balm, knowing I not only like things today, I really like things today and not by increments, and know that Jazmine head is right about many things she said tonight, and doesn't have to know it.

* * *

I exhale, put my head on that shoulder, and hear her say, "Yes and I still can't believe it's that pretty. I mean it's not as cold but still with the snow I love, the reason no matter what I wanna stay up here, and then it's only one hour away for sure. I'm so excited."

I put my arm over that stomach, feel her inhale, and move my arm away, knowing that was probably too much. And then, I feel her hand grab my arm and pull it back over her stomach, and hear her say, "No Jazzy, you put it there because you feel that comfortable with me, like I do with you, and now you have to deal with how cuddly I like being with my friends."

I laugh, exhale, hugging her, and say, "I'm so happy Hiroki, so happy. Is that like okay, to be this happy? I mean it's just."

I exhale, feel her exhale, and hear her say, "I know. It feels weird to feel like that, especially after bad things have happened, but I know because it's true, that even after bad things, there's always good things, and sometimes, sometimes, there's really good things, amazing things, like meeting really great people, having really warm cuddly friends even if they go to other colleges or live an hour away, overprotective people that love us, and just really, really handsome guys that are just so."

I feel her exhale longer, feeling my smile, and hear her say, "Sweet and smart and funny and strong and just wanna give us time to be comfortable with them because they know we've been through some bad things, things we're not ashamed of, but it's still something that happened, and we need time, and only when we're ready, like I told him, when I'm ready, when I say yes, and not before, and then he looked at me in that cute way he does when he gets really confused and said he just likes talking to me and doesn't care about that stuff, but still doesn't want to talk to another girl, and just wants to talk to me, and see me when I have time, and then something about having a jet to be at my school in ten minutes after he goes to some meetings he hates going to because he's gonna need to talk to me and see me right after or he'll tell those people he'll cap them and something about girls to."

I can't help it and start laughing, hearing her laugh, and I say, "God, poor Ed. Hopefully Mr. Wuncler won't make him go to so many of those meetings anymore."

I hear her giggle, let go of her, and look over at her. I see that cute bun she put her hair in today with no makeup at all, seeing how pretty she is without any makeup, and feel my smile.

I see her exhale, see her smile at me, and she says, "Yeah. I guess I'm meeting him tomorrow."

I feel my eyes open and say, "Really? Oh my god Hiroki! Really?"

I see her start giggling, see her nod, and she says, "Yeah, it." I see her stop, see her blush, feeling my smile, and she says, "It was just all really cute. How it happened. How Edward was walking me to my uncle's house last night and he said he wanted to talk to my little brother, my uncle, and me all together. Then we walked in, we all sat down at the kitchen table, and then he said he wanted tell my uncle and me that my folks were gonna be here in two days so his grandfather and him could meet them, and they were paying for the hotel and plane flight for them."

I see her roll her eyes, see her exhale with that blush, and she says, "Apparently my little brother knew about this but Edward asked him to not say anything so it could be a surprise for me so."

I see her smile, see her blush get redder, making me giggle, and she says, "So the plan is tomorrow my uncle and my brother and me are gonna pick them up at the airport, spend time with them, maybe just eat and then let them relax at the hotel, and then my folks, my brother, and I are having dinner with Edward and his grandfather at their house and."

I see her exhale, see her purse her lips, and she says, "And I just don't know why it's all happening so fast, like I always thought guys don't like girls meeting their family so fast, but maybe it's different with him because he is older than the guys my friends dated. I mean he's twenty-six and maybe he just wants to settle down, you know, get."

I see her stop, see her exhale longer with that smile, and she says, "Married really fast but I told him we just met and I still wanna finish school and maybe go to grad school to become a psychologist and he said that's fine and that's why he likes me, because I wanna do all those things, but he says he likes me even more because I'm easy to talk to and tell him those thoughts, those thoughts that are his thoughts are okay and he can think anyway he wants and we'll talk about them first and then try to figure out if they're good thoughts and if they're not good thoughts then maybe he needs to focus on something else, like shooting something and maybe I can be there with him and I can practice my knife skills with him, we can work through it because I like him, and then."

I see her stop, see her get so red I know, even if it's only been a few weeks of knowing her, this is probably the reddest she can get, and she says, "And then, this morning when we were talking about that at that really pretty restaurant, where it was just us and I don't know why because that restaurant should have had at least a few other people, but it was just us, just Edward and me, and I told him I would be there with him while he put dynamite into any container, blowing up anything he wanted to blow up, and I would be there to make sure he wasn't alone, practicing my knife skills that are important because I need to know how to defend myself always, and after I told him that, he came really close to my face, almost like he wanted to, you know, kiss me, and then stopped right before doing it, right before kissing me, moved back, started saying he was sorry, that he shouldn't have gotten that close, cursing at himself the way he does when he gets embarrassed, the cursing that makes him look really cute, and I."

I see her exhale, see that smile on her, see her inhale, and after ten seconds I say, "Hiroki are you," and she cuts me off saying, "I kissed him."

I feel my smile, see her exhale with that redness, and she says, "So, I don't know why this is happening so fast but after we kissed and I asked him if he was sure about this, meeting my folks, knowing I'm gonna be at least an hour away at school for the semester, meeting his grandfather who I know means a lot to him, not knowing if his grandfather really wants to meet me, especially so soon, Edward said."

I see her inhale, see her exhale, see her look down with that smile, and she says, "He said his grandfather already knows me because at that new year's eve party he had to go to he didn't curse as much, didn't tell those people that he was gonna shoot them, he didn't leave the party early, even after he saw some girl there he knew was gonna try talking to him, just stayed there with his grandfather and Rummy, talking to those people his grandfather does business with, didn't even talk to that girl because he didn't leave his grandfather or Rummy's side, and then when they got home his grandfather asked him if he was okay and if he had started finally seeing a doctor he wanted him to see, and Edward told him he was fine, didn't want to see that doctor, and would try to start learning the business his grandfather is in because he wants to have his own house one day to have his."

I see her stop, see her inhale, see that small smile looking down, and she says, "His own family and he would do anything, learn anything his grandfather wants, as long as Rummy can still work with him, and he can still have his weekends to be with his friends and his."

I see her exhale, see her look up at me, see that blush, and she says, "His girlfriend, and then his grandfather said he knew he was seeing someone, someone that." I see her inhale, see her forehead scrunch, and she says, "Someone that was capable of taking care of business, saying it almost like Edward was a business that needed to be taken care of, and wanted to know who that person was, if they had a bright future or could make them more successful, and even more important than that, because apparently they're really successful already and just needed Edward taken care of, something that person he was seeing could do, so really, all he needed to know was how that person was raised and."

I see her smile get bigger and she says, "Edward said he told his grandfather that I have a really bright future because I'm really smart, do not want him buying me anything, including that car he wants to get me that I told him I won't drive if he does get it because I have my dad's old car they already sent up here so I can drive it back to school when I leave and my mom and dad work really hard to send my brother and me money whenever we need it and we know to not ever ask for things we don't work hard for and that's why I have those scholarships and."

I see her exhale with that smile and she says, "I don't know what other things he told his grandfather, other than I think me being smart and not wanting anything from him, but then his grandfather said he wanted to meet my folks and me, Edward says he told him he would call my little brother first, he did, and then my brother called my folks, and now we're all having dinner at Edward's house with his grandfather tomorrow night and I."

I see her stop, see her inhale, and she says, "I can't help but keep thinking that all of this is happening because it was kind of meant to happen, me wanting to be closer to my family, my little brother, wanting to transfer to that school and wanting to come down to see it first, and then even the bad stuff, like what happened to me that was not my fault because I think I wouldn't have wanted to major in psychology if it wasn't for that because before that happened I was really into fashion and wanted to go to fashion school, but then after seeing just how much Kathy changed my life, saved me from thinking I was all those bad things I thought I was because of that, telling me it was okay to have bad thoughts and good thoughts but I had to always think about them, know why I was having them, if I was just scared or mad, and then act or not act on those thoughts. So, I just think everything, all of that, how it made me wanna be a therapist or something like a therapist one day, knowing some people do need medication but it's okay if they don't wanna take it as long as they don't act on those bad thoughts and talk about them first with a therapist or someone that cares about them, how even if they have those thoughts at night it's okay because one day those thoughts will go away and that person just needs to keep working on themselves. And even my brother forcing me to learn to defend myself and not telling our folks because I think they would've just gotten scared of me getting hurt with those knives but my brother's a really good teacher. And I don't know, just everything, how it all happened, just feels like all of it was meant to be, for me to meet Edward and seeing my mom and dad tomorrow that I miss because I haven't seen them since September when I left to Wellesley, how happy I am to see them tomorrow with my little brother who I missed so much, and now meeting all of you, wanting to meet Laurie and all of you so much because of how my brother talks about her, about how happy his friends are now, I just know, I just know that it was all meant to happen like this Jazzy, even if it feels weird, all of it feels weird, how happy I feel, you know what I mean?"

I hug her, feeling those tears on my face, feel her hug me back, hearing her laugh, and I say, "Why do you say stuff like that, always making me cry, and why can't you just stay and live here in my room and Mimi's extra room, and you can take Ed's jet to school and back every day, stay Hiroki, stay, pretty please, stay."

I hear her laugh harder, feeling her hug me, and hear her say, "Just like my little sister said this morning." I sniffle, confused, and before I can ask I hear that voice I love say, "Wa we miss this time sis?"

I hear the laughing, move away, seeing Hiroko laughing with them, turn to my sister and friends, and see them carrying their food trays from all those different restaurants, happy this mall has so many restaurants that they can all get food they like and my sister can get me that veggie dish from my favorite restaurant here, Barcote, where they serve authentic Ethiopian dishes and lots of delicious veggie dishes.

I exhale, look back at Hiroko, see her smirk, see her turn to my sister and friends, and she says, "How about you all sit down and while we eat I'll tell you what I told my little sister on the ride to your house that made her cry, just like it made Jazzy cry, okay?"

I hear the giggles, look over at Lauren, see her smiling with that blush, remembering Hiroko went to pick her up first in Leo's car, then picked up my sister and me at our house, and we all drove to Ming's to pick her up. So, she's saying Lauren is like her little sister?

I see that smile with that hair that passes her shoulders, close to her neckline now, that hair I'm going to cut into those long layers before school starts, see her blush even more, and I laugh. Then, hearing them all sit down, feeling that kiss on my shoulder from my sister as she's putting my dish in front of me, I hear Hiroko say, "Okay, first I'll tell you all what's happening tomorrow and then, if you want, what made Laurie and Jazzy cry."

I hear that giggle from Lauren, smile, taking that first bite of those red lentils, 'misir wot' they're called, and hear her say, "So, last night, when Edward was walking me to my uncle's house he said…."

I swallow the last bite of that gomen, look up to my right at my sister, start laughing, hearing Lauren and Hiroko laughing, look in front of me, and laugh harder, seeing Ming just like my sister with her mouth open and watery eyes. I love them.

Then, I hear them all laughing, hear us exhale, and hear my sister say, "Good shit man."

I laugh again, lean over, kiss her shoulder, and hear Ming say, "Damn, I remember him saying he needed a girl but shit, he knows you can handle knives like the homie right?"

I laugh, hearing us all laugh, and hear my sister say, "Tell your asses truth, always knew Ed's needed a girl ain't scared of his army shit, shit he saw, shit he learned, cuz even my ass would sometimes step back, just let his ass blow up shit, but I 'on't know, think he always looked lonely as fuck doing that shit in his backyard, when Riles, Rummy, and me were inside playing Xbox, tired of blowing shit up, Rummy looking at his phone, waiting to yell at some fucken asshole on the phone, and Ed's still back there in his big ass yard making those fucken holes in the ground with them big ass explosives, and I 'on't know, just looking lonely as fuck, like he needed someone next to his ass making those holes with him or maybe doing some'ng next to him with weapons, just not being so fucken lonely, you know."

I exhale, put my head on that shoulder, and hear Ming say, "Wells, kinda, I don't know, looks like Ed found a girl that ain't just not scared of that army shit but wants to shoot knives next to his ass, kinda like you know, a soldier with explosives and a chick with fucken knives, like a love story man."

I laugh, hearing the laughing at the table harder this time I think, and then hear Hiroko say, "You know that kind of reminds me of something I was thinking of." I hear her exhale and hear her say, "On the drive back from visiting my new school I was remembering the things my brother would talk to me about when I needed a break from studying and me remembering Caes and trying to remember Huey and Riley. Then, coming here and actually meeting you all, seeing you all, and watching you all. Noticing not just the way you all look at each other but also the way you all kind of move around each other, reminding me of magnets or maybe."

I hear her stop, look over at her, see her looking at her bowl she let me try and know I'm ordering that lentil soup next time, and I hear her say, "I took a theoretical astrology class this semester and you all remind me of the theories I learned about planets and their moons, like how planets that don't have any moons can and do exists but those planets without moons have been theorized to not have the potential to have ever supported life because along with water, the right kind of air, seasons, and protection from the sun, a moon is needed to create the right conditions to support life. Even moons themselves have been theorized to have had the potential for life but those planets without moons just don't have that potential, so."

I see her stop, see her forehead scrunch, and she says, "I feel like those moons are you all and those planets are my brother, Caes, Huey, and Riley, because I think they would be okay without having met you, just not, you know, able to support life, but you all would have supported life even without them, maybe not as likely, but still, you would have had the potential to support life. But my brother and them, they would exists in our galaxy, some with moons, some without moons, but with those other moons, the moons that are not you girls, there would not be the special kind of connection, the right kind, the perfect relationship between a moon and a planet to have that potential to support life, and I think, even though it was a theoretical class, meaning those theories are meant to be tested, there's some truth there, to those moons, those planets, the needed special connection for life to be supported, like on this planet."

I exhale, feeling my smile, seeing not only how pretty she is, but just how sweet and smart she is, knowing why Ed wants Mr. Wuncler to meet her, no matter how evil Mr. Wuncler still kind of seems sometimes, and hear that sweet deep voice say, "So you saying cuz of them moons those planets gonna have little peoples living on them swinging and kicking at hoes, busting caps on racist pieces a shits, and throwing knives next to homies that be blowing up holes in their backyard?"

I feel my smile getting bigger, see Hiroko look up, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing her smirk, and she says, "Especially throwing those knives next to him because he already ordered my earmuffs, apparently in my favorite off-white color, and they should be here by tomorrow so he can show me those blowing-things-up abilities he has before I leave to school."

I start laughing, hearing them all laugh, for sure harder this time. Oh my Black Jesus. Thank you. Thank you.

Then I hear a voice say, "Seriously? Why are you here?"

I exhale. No Black Jesus, please no. Please. I turn to my sister, see her inhale looking at her, and I say, "Sis, we're done eating, let's go."

I hear that voice say, "Don't ignore me!"

I inhale, hearing the other conversations in the food court stop, knowing I want to throw the empty plates and dishes in the trash first but I really want us to go. I stand up, grab my sister's tray with her empty plate, start putting everyone's plates on the tray, and hear that voice say, "Jazmon you fat ass, do not," and hear my sister cut her off saying, "Fuck you hoe, don't be talking to my sister ever!"

I inhale, look across the table to my left at her, see her standing there with those bags in her hands, that perfect skin, alone again, and put my hand on my sister's shoulder, feeling her relax. Then I see Ashley inhale, looking at all of us I think, and she says, "You think any of this is over! You think I care about that stupid fight that meant nothing, just showing that I can do anything at that school and never get in trouble, have anyone, just wait until they get tired…"

I inhale, feeling my sister shaking, feel another hand on my right arm, and hear her say, "You need help. Have you thought about asking your folks if they can send you to a therapist or someone to talk to?"

I feel my mouth open, look over at Hiroko, see her looking at Ashley with that worried look, and hear Ashley say, "And who are you! You know what! I don't care who you are! I'm not even talking to you so mind," and hear another voice say, "Lauren, necesitas ayuda?"

Oh my god. Black Jesus it's snowing outside and the saying is 'when it rains it pours' not 'when it snows it pours,' right?

I look over across the table to my right and see that jerk. Oh no. No.

I turn back to the table, start putting the rest of those plates on the tray, and say, "We're leaving."

I hear him continue talking, hearing Lauren tell him if he doesn't leave she's going to call the police, file a sexual harassment lawsuit right now, and then hear a voice say, "Wait. Are you that boy that said really mean things to Laurie and my brother had to defend her?"

I feel my eyes open, look over at Hiroko, hearing her sound kind of angry, see her facing that jerk, and hear him say, "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to Lauren, and I told her the truth." I see that jerk turn to Lauren and he says, "Que eres la más bella chica que he visto, yo sé que tu familia quiere que estés con alguien como yo, no ese chino, porque solo yo puedo satisfacer a una rica como tú. Ven con migo y te prometo," and hear all at the same time Lauren curse at him, Ashley say to not ignore her, and a voice I'm starting to get used to and hope we hear a lot say, "Stop!"

And I inhale hearing that jerk curse and seeing him step back a foot. I look down at that step he took, and feel my mouth open, seeing those small knives sticking out of the floor. They're about six inches long I think, remembering those awesome throwing knives Lauren showed us Hiro got her, but the ones she showed us in those pictures didn't have those colorful blades with those pretty letters over the circular handle, those letters that remind me of Hiro's tattoos. So pretty. Focus Jazmine. Did Hiroko throw those?

I look over at Hiroko and see her facing that jerk, sitting up straight, legs apart, with both palms on her knees, feeling my eyes get big. Awesome.

I hear those steps behind me, look up at her, see Lauren put her hand on Hiroko's shoulder, and hear that voice that was so sweet just ten seconds ago, with nothing sweet about it anymore, say, "I know enough Spanish to know what you said, and along with being completely disrespectful, that was so stereotypical because not all girls, no matter what they are, want that, ever. But I know you're probably very misguided like a lot of boys your age are, thinking they have to say those kinds of things to girls, but still, no matter what, that was completely wrong, especially because knowing her only a little I know she hasn't done anything to make you think that of her, but that doesn't matter because even if she had, you do not talk to a girl like that, ever, do you hear me, ever."

I see Lauren put her hand on Hiroko's back, hearing Hiroko exhale, and hear that screeching voice say, "Why won't you all just go," and hear Hiroko cut her off saying, "I am not done talking, so let me finish."

I look over at Ashley, see her eyes get big, see her mouth open, and hear Lauren cut her off saying, "My boyfriend's sister is not done talking so shut up or I will drag you down those steps since security hasn't shown up because everyone here wants to see you dragged out the mall."

Then I hear someone, a random person I think say, "We do."

I look over at Ashley, see her inhale with pursed lips, feeling my smirk, and hear Hiroko say, "Now, I'm going to say this to both of you and then I want you to leave. You're both immature, you both need help, and I have more knives, four more because I do have my baby knives today, so if either one of you says one more thing, one more word, I will throw them at both your toes and I will not miss because that last throw was aimed exactly one inch below his blue Nike's, but believe me and I beg you both to not test me because others who have, have gone to the emergency room, always with a poor excuse for threatening me, instead becoming a warning to other people. So leave, both of you, now, because right now the only reason I'm not throwing another knife is because I can see the shaking in his toes through his shoes and I know a knife on those open toed platforms will really, really hurt, even leave a really ugly mark on those freshly painted French tip toenails. So, say nothing, turn around, and leave, and if you scream one more time, I will aim at that ankle bracelet, and no matter who you are, there will be no doctor to remove the scar I will leave as I cut through that bracelet."

I see her eyes open, see her inhale, see her taking those steps, walking backwards, looking at Hiroko I think, and then see her turn around and start running towards the stairs with that jerk next to her. I need to learn how to throw knives.

And seeing them get to the stairs, I hear that sweet laugh, laughing coming from other people in the food court, some clapping I think, and hear Ming say, "Hiroki live with me and teach my ass everything you know, please?"

I start laughing, feeling my sister hugging my waist, hearing that sweet laugh from her, and feel my heart get big seeing Lauren hugging Hiroko around her shoulders, laughing, hearing Hiroko laughing, shaking her head.

Oh my Black Jesus. Best winter vacation ever.

* * *

I exhale, knowing I only did it for her. But, at least it wasn't that bad. I feel my smirk, walking into the kitchen, knowing she knows me well, and hear that shooting game.

I grab the glass from the cupboard and hear him say, "You a'ight?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, pour the water into the cup, nod, and say, "Yeah."

I hear that shooting, the idiotic commands, knowing in true warfare nothing is that damn clean, never is, take that drink of water, turn around, and start walking back to my room, knowing I still need to reply to that last email. Shit. He's the musical genius. Why does he still need my 'opinion?' Damn it. Then I hear him say, "So where'd you'll go?"

I stop, feeling my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see those headphones off his ears, hearing the talking coming through them, and say, "You actually want to know about it?"

I see him inhale, see him exhale, and he says, "Forget it man. I knows we only talk when it be 'bout fucked up shit or whatever the fuck we doing or just when we around them. Just thought we'd talk 'bout some shit that ain't fucked up and we ain't doing, even if no one's here."

I inhale, exhale, and say, "I." I inhale and say, "I apologize, just not used to you asking about something that mundane."

I see him nod, seeing him pressing those buttons hard enough he's going to need another damn controller soon. I inhale, walk over the couch, sit down, and start watching that game.

I exhale. I don't get it. Where's the payoff when you're not actually out there, carrying those riffles, that ammunition, which in many cases you cannot, at least by most standards not my own, carry that much on you, and you shouldn't be carrying that many guns when you have to be quick, in and out, no longer than one hour for each, and hear him say, "Don't be talking shit McHater. It's ma game and don't gotta make sense to your ass."

I exhale annoyance, roll my eyes, looking up over the T.V., and inhale seeing that painting under that clock. I exhale. That painting under that antique clock. That painting I have not looked at since Grandad opened his gift from Riley. Gifts given on that day. Those exchanges. Those exchanges I've started to have with friends and family.

I look back down, seeing that pointless game, exhale, and say, "It was fine. We went to the bookstore and." I hear his cackle, I inhale, and say, "That's the end of that." I get up from the couch, knowing that's the end of that exchange.

I walk around the coffee table and hear him say, "Don't be a pussy McHater. Damn. You knows I'ma make fun of your ass going to damn bookstore on fucken vacation from school and doing that shit on a fucken date."

I exhale, roll my eyes knowing he's right. Damn it. I turn around, walk back to the couch, sit down, putting the cup on the table, and say, "Fine. I should have expected that from you. It was uneventful, other than finding a book that I was going to order online. And it was her choice, regardless of how much I would have chosen that place or the library myself. It was after she told me what movie they wanted to see that I told her I would either wait in the lobby with any damn book or she had to pick another place to hang out with them and that's where she chose."

I see him nod and I look up at the screen again, that game, trying to figure out why he would use that gun, knowing it's too heavy for, and I exhale knowing it's a damn game.

Then I hear him say, "Yeah, when Cin made my ass go on one of those stupid double dates with those two girls from that Halloween party, they wanned to go see some damn chick movie and I told her I'd wait in the damn arcades. Then, Cin said she told them that's what we should do, go eat pizza, then go to the arcade at the mall. Wasn't that bad. Least Sam on the team so she can talk 'bout balling and her girl's a'ight, talked 'bout shit her club does, I 'on't know, made me think 'bout that art club those guys were talking 'bout."

I nod, possibly seeing the point of this game, and say, "There's no art club at that school is there?"

I see him shoot, feeling my smirk, knowing he might die consistently on older games, ones that that Jazmine head can beat with ease, but he's not that terrible at this game.

I hear him say, "Nah, but I 'on't know, kinda know why. Ain't lotta kids at that school that like even fucken drawing. Shit, there ain't lotta kids that know black ain't the only kinda black or blue can fucken tell a story man, just that fucken color alone."

I exhale, look up at that painting, those watercolors he used again, just like he did for Cindy's present. I nod and say, "You could teach them."

I hear that sound, look back down at the screen, see his character getting shot again, see the red cover she screen, and hear him say, "Threw my aim off man."

I shake my head, take a drink from that cup, seeing him continue playing that game, put the cup down, and I say, "I'm not kidding Riley. Based on what you've done so far, you're not bad. Some might even say you're a good artist."

I see him die again, feeling my smirk, and hear him say, "Damn McHater, stop talking shit."

I feel my eyebrow rise and look up at that painting, remembering those paintings in our apartment, those watercolors, those watercolors in most of those paintings our parents had on most walls, how I would find him staring up at those paintings sometimes. Just staring at them.

I exhale, hearing that game, seeing how well he got their eyes, those eyes, the ones that looked down at me with that smile, see them blinking with that pride because I had read that entire book, that children's book I felt accomplished I had read that my father had brought home for me, those eyes, hearing her say she loved me. I inhale. I haven't heard her say that since that day. I know that. Not in any memory. Not one. She loved me. Hearing the door open, hearing her call him to us, saying Riley was asleep and she didn't want to be loud but I had read that entire book in front of her, how proud she was, seeing him looking down at me with his eyes, those eyes in those watercolors, those eyes we have, those eyes, that smile, and hearing him say he was proud and loved me, they loved us, and I miss them.

I inhale and hear myself say, "I think they would have wanted you to start that club, teach those idiot kids at that school what art it, what it really is, what it isn't, because they loved us, and that painting is beautiful."

I feel myself stand up, walk over to the door, put my coat on, my shoes, hear my brother call me, open the door, close it, walk, walk, walk, walk, get to that tree, climb, climb, climb, walk on that branch, get to that window, open it, locked, see those curtains move, see those eyes, see those eyes open, hear the latch, the window open, the screen move, see those eyes, hear her say something, my name, that name I got from him, walk on that branch, walk on that window sill into that room, grab that face, and taste those lips.

I feel those soft fingers on my neck, hear her ask me why I'm crying, inhale, push through that mouth, taste that tongue, the one she says I'm clean enough for, clean enough because I belong to my father's family, kiss her, trying to have her clean me of those thoughts, the ones that still linger, the ones that tell me because I miss them, both of them including my mother, I'm also related to her family.

I hear her say I belong to my father's family, my mother who was humble and intelligent and loved reading about strong black women, loved cooking but specifically African dishes, who could make anyone laugh just by laughing herself, who dyed her hair but must have looked beautiful with any hair color, and I tell her she's beautiful and I miss them and I'll never have that, a father and a mother again, and I love her.

I taste those tears on that soft face, feeling that body under me, those curves, that warmth she is, those breasts pressed on my chest, going down to that neck, leaving marks, anywhere she'll let me, hearing her say my name, going down to those breasts, tasting them, putting them in my mouth, how soft they are, how wrong I was thinking there was no better feeling in the world than those folds around my finger, those folds I can feel around my finger right now, the taste of those breasts, leaving marks anywhere she'll let me, feeling her convulsing again under me, again and again, hearing her say she wants more, and I give her more.

* * *

I feel her move, bring her into me, and hear her say, "Tell me."

I exhale and nod.

After some time, I say, "That painting he made, that painting made me think of them."

I inhale and say, "Made me think of a day, an entire day. I had started to read that book in the morning when I woke up. My mother next to me. Watching me read those words out loud. Knowing she was there and I wanted to pronounce them correctly. When I would stumble on a word she wouldn't correct me. She would tell me that I should go play with Riley or have something to eat or help her with something around the house, anything to get me away from berating myself for not knowing that word. Then, after doing what she asked of me, she would sit down with me again and let me continue reading, stopping me only when Riley needed something, telling me to not continue reading until she came back because she wanted to be there for every word. Then, I finished it. I finished that book. And she."

I exhale, feeling them on my face, and continue, "She said she was proud, she loved me. And then my father got home."

I inhale, exhale, breathe, and say, "She called him over to us, he put down his briefcase, not bothering to take off his coat, just walked over to us, grabbed a chair, place it in front of me, and when she told him what I had done he looked at me with those eyes my brother and I have, and said he was proud and he loved me. Those eyes that looked at me, both of theirs, blinking, hearing them say it, hearing them actually say it while I looked at that painting Riley gave Grandad. Hearing them say they loved me, something I had not remembered them saying until I saw that painting today. That painting I looked at once that day, not looking up over the T.V. in the living room since that day knowing it was there. Not knowing why I had not looked at it. And today, remembering that moment, that day, and then remembering just how much I would never have that, not ever again."

I feel her move up, let go of that waist, feel that soft palm over my cheeks possibly taking those tears away, feel those kisses where those palms were, those hips in those soft shorts moving over my shorts, those warm breasts over my chest, those soft nipples moving over my chest, those curls on my face, inhale, smelling that hair, and hear that voice say, "They sound wonderful. They loved you. Your mom, your dad, they loved you. They loved you so much, so much they didn't let you ever get to know that other family, that family you are only related to by blood, but not by what matters, what really matters. Things like reading books to you before you learned how to read, listening to you read books out loud, taking you to amazing museums, a museum that I think you started passing out flyers in front of because it reminded you of your mom and dad, teaching you how important our history is so we can know the struggle, the progress, how much we need to keep working really hard, letting those families know what they can do, which organizations will help them, all those really important things you learned from your mom and dad, and then the other things, the things that are important but matter more to us and our friends, like teaching you how to make tea that makes people feel happy, loved, like everything is perfect, because it is, how important that painting, that replica, in your room is not only because it reminds you of our history and this nation's history, but because it reminds you of a different time, maybe a time you were happy, and."

I inhale, open my eyes, seeing the moonlight behind those curls, grab the face, pull her up, and say, "What makes you think I'm not happy right now?"

I see those eyes blink, hear her inhale, feel that tear land on my face, and hear her say, "Because you don't have them, you lost them, and I'm so sorry Huey, I'm so," and I kiss those lips, putting my hands on that lower back, pulling her up, feeling those fingers, those hands on my neck, the way I like, those strong legs on my sides, strong like her, kissing that soft face, and say the selfish truth, "I have you, I love you, and that's enough. And I'm not done making you cum tonight. Now take off those shorts because I want you naked."

I feel those lips press down on mine, taste that tongue, feeling that warmth start, the one between those thick thighs I'm not done with, and hear her say, "Yes, but only after I taste you in the back of my throat again because I'm your queen."

I squeeze that body, feeling myself twitch again, having lost track of how many times I've gotten hard and released, feeling that soft back I'm squeezing, the one that doesn't have any clothes on it because it doesn't need any, feeling happy, and respond to that call with, "Yes, my Nubian queen."

* * *

I exhale, take that last drink of my water bottle, and throw it away in the recycling bin.

I lean back on the wall, feeling those braids going down my arms, and hear her say, "I don't wanna go back."

I start laughing, turn to her, kiss her head, and say, "Same. Maybe we can all run away to like Africa, start our own little society, away from all these people."

I hear her laugh, feeling her hug me, and hear her say, "Okay, we can do that, but first you need to teach me that move your sis and friends keep talking about."

I laugh, nod, and look up to see how far that guy is. Not bad. Level three. I'm just happy they have this game here. Then I see Mario die and I exhale. He was so far. Darn.

I see that guy and that girl walk away, feel her stand up, hearing her giggle, feeling my smile at how excited she is, walk up to the machine, and then see two guys stand in front of it.

I exhale, walk up to them, and say, "Excuse me, we were next."

I see them turn and I inhale. Black Jesus, come on. Please. Almost done with this vacation and it's been great. Please.

I see his eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and he says, "Jazmine."

I exhale, roll my eyes, grab her hand, walk around them, and see him step in front of us.

I inhale and say, "Move now."

I see that dumb smirk, the one I still need to punch, and then see another guy push him out of the way. I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing this other guy with blue eyes and a fade, in front of me. I inhale, see him smirk, and get a little grossed out seeing his teeth. Are those smoker teeth? On a teenager?

I exhale and hear Lena say, "Hey, move now, before I beat you with my shoe."

I see the guy with the fade look at Lena, see him inhale, squeeze her hand, and he says, "We're not talking to you ugly ass monkey."

I feel the hit in my palm, see his face move up, feel the hit in my entire hand, and see him move back.

I crack my strong right wrist, see him look at me with that blood on his lips, hearing the inhales in the room, see him move up, bring my hand back, ready, and hear that other jerk say, "Will! Calm down! She's mine!"

I see him stop, see him inhale, and he says, looking at me like he wants to hit me, hoping he swings so I can really hurt him, "The fuck Chase! You think Vanessa letting you fuck up again! This one's mine!"

I inhale and hear that jerk say, "She half monkey you fuck," and hear him stop, look over, and see that cute yellow purse go up his chin, see his face move up, feeling my smirk, see that purse go back up to his face, swing again, and see him going back.

I see him stop in that step back, see him look at Lena, hear her fumbling with her purse, see him take a step up to her, and before I can step in front of her, I hear another voice say, "I'll fucken kill you if you touch 'em."

I inhale. No. Oh Black Jesus. Please, please, don't let this get worse. Please.

I look over Lena, see Cairo standing next to her with Dewey next to him, and hear Chase say, "You fucken nigger, you aren't," feel my eyes open, move in between them, putting my hands on him and pushing him back.

I inhale, look up, see him inhale, and I say, "Please Cairo, please."

I see him exhale, looking down at me, remembering how tall he really is, and he says, "He touches you, you ain't stopping it."

I exhale and hear another voice say, "And no one's calling you'll that shit in front of me."

I inhale, look over at Dewey with those glasses, nod at him, and say, "Thank you, both of you."

I stand up straight, turn back, see him looking down at me with that really dumb, stupid look, that look he should not be giving me, not only because he's a racist jerk but because he shouldn't be looking at any girl like that, knowing he even has a girlfriend, but still, he should never, ever look at a girl or disrespect them or anyone, calling them those names, those names he called me, how even back then he looked at me like that sometimes. I feel my eyes open. Even back then, when he was making me cry, calling me those names, those names like ugly and monkey and so many other, much more horrible names, he sometimes looked at me like that, how racist and disrespectful and. He's disrespectful. Hiroko. Put your hand in your pocket Jazmine.

I move up to him, seeing that look, hear the inhale behind me, feel that hand on my shoulder, that hand from Lena, and I say, "I'm going to say this to you and that jerk next to you that can't tell I'm more black than anything else and very proud. You're both racist jerks, my friend would say you both need help but I think she's a lot more mature than me and I'm just going to say I hope I never see you again, ever, and the most important thing is that I'm warning you, because I want to keep having a good time with my friends on our vacation, my gorgeous, that's one of the prettiest girls at my school and I don't care how mean this sounds but a lot, a lot prettier than your girlfriend, my gorgeous friend next to me has a nice, big pepper spray in her purse she took out, and I have two weapons, one that will make you deft and the other that will make you bleed, a lot, and I will use both in self-defense, using the fact that I'm smaller and a girl to win that case because you deserve anything I do to you, and probably the most important thing you need to know is that I'm still practicing my knife skills and I might not aim correctly, maybe a little too low, so decide if you want that cut, because that knife is for you Chase."

I see him inhale, hearing that other jerk inhale, see him exhale, possibly thinking, and he says, "I don't believe you, you half," and I bring my hand up, holding my palm open to his chest, seeing him look down at it and hearing them both inhale again, feeling the smooth circular handle around my index finger.

I see him look up at me, see him lick his lips, feeling that chest behind me move up, feel myself inhale, and say, "Don't do that because I just ate and you'll make me throw up."

I see him inhale, see him step up, hearing the two inhales behind me, that chest on my back, and hear that voice say, "The fuck's happening?"

I inhale, see those two long braids I love stand in front of me, grab her chest bringing her into me, and say, "No. I told them they're leaving or I'll cut them before they touch my friends or you sis, okay."

I hear the other jerk inhale and hear him say, "The fuck. You sisters?"

I inhale, see Chase squint, and he says, "No. I remember she didn't have one, no matter what the fuck they say now. She was a fucken loaner back then until this bitch and those niggers showed," and see that fist connect to his face.

No. I hear the inhales, hold her back, bringing her back into me, and see that jerk moving back. Then I see him stop on that step back, shake his head, and see the blood coming down his nose. I see him look at her, my little sister, hold her, see him step up, seeing them both step up, knowing I have my hand over her chest to protect her, my knife is in my other hand, hold it sideways like Hiroko showed us, and then see both those guys fall.

I inhale, look down, and see them both on the floor. I look to the side and see Ming getting up from that proper drop kick, look over to my left and see Lauren getting up, and inhale, seeing them step in front of us. No. No. Black Jesus.

I hear the cursing and see those jerks getting up. I move up, see those guys stand up, and see them stop, not moving, just looking at Lauren and Ming.

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing those jerks looking down at them, looking kind of scared, and hear that confident voice say, "Look, I don't care who you are. I really don't. I'll cut you. We both will. And we're both good with these knives where our friends are a lot better with strength fighting, making people bleed like both of you are right now. But, if you do wanna lose more blood, I can and will cut you with both these baby knives, in a crisscross because my boyfriend says that's kind of artistic, and Mimi over there with those awesome red ones will just cut you sideways with both of her baby knives because she likes getting to the point, and both our boyfriends have the practice cuts to prove it. So, you are leaving, not just this arcade, but this mall, and you're not coming back today. And please, please don't test us because you will go to the emergency room because you're wimps and can't take cuts like our boyfriends, and with our friends' mom there will be no excuse you can use against us that she won't win, making you both warnings to anyone wanting to mess with us, if your friends don't find out today with how scared you look and I think with one of you peeing right now. So, leave, go home and change, and hope you never see us again."

I want to cry I'm so proud.

Then I hear a kind of scary whisper say, "Think I'ma do a nice big fucken star this time and not get to the point."

So, so proud.

Then I hear someone say, "Security coming!"

I inhale. No. And I see Lauren and Ming stand up straight, putting their hands on their sides.

Then I hear a voice say, "Kids, is everything okay?"

I hear the inhales in the room, look over to the entrance of the arcade, and see the security guard, looking out of breath. That security guard from that day that lady was here.

I see him look at us, seeing Lauren and Ming from the corner of my eye walking backwards, towards us, with their hands on their sides, and then I see that security guard stop walking towards us.

I see his forehead scrunch, see him sniff I think, and he says, "Why does it smell like that? You're all old enough to know where the restroom is."

I feel my mouth open, look over at those guys, see them looking at the security guard, and see Lauren and Ming take that last step backwards, towards us. I let go of that chest, see my sister move up next to Lauren, feel Lena let go of my shoulder, and I move up between Lauren and Ming and turn to face that security with my sister in front of Lauren and me in front of Ming.

Then, seeing those knives going back into Lauren's pockets, I see those two jerks running out of the arcade.

I exhale, hearing my friends doing the same thing, look back at the security guard, and see him following those two guys that I can see are running towards the entrance of the mall.

Then I hear someone, that person that warned us about security I think, say, "Shit! Like watching Street Fighter one but fucken better man!"

I feel my eyes get big, look around, look at all the people looking at us, and hear someone say, "Fuck you man! You saw that shit! That ain't just Street Fighter one! That's two and alpha at least man! Shit! You had Chun-Li and Sakura with those knives, my damn fav Cammy man with those punches and those braids! Even got Karin with that curly hair! Fucken hot!"

I look down, feeling totally embarrassed. What?

Then I hear, "Shit! You saw those moves with that bag! That's all Rose unleashing Sour Power! Damn!"

Oh my god.

I feel that hand grab my hand, shake my head, turn back to her, see her looking at me with totally red cheeks, grab Lena's hand, and pull her, feeling my sister pulling me towards the entrance, and then hear someone say, "Wait, did you still wanna play that Mario game?"

I feel that hand I'm holding stop me and look back at her. I see her smiling at me, kind of with a smirk, and those red cheeks, remembering how pretty she is when she smiles and why Phil still blushes when she smiles at him.

I exhale, giggle, look back at my sister, see her looking at me with those flushed cheeks, that pretty smile, and those long braids that must remind some people of Cammy from Street Fighter, and hear one of those people, a girl I think say, "Um, you girls were awesome. If you still wanna play that Mario game, you probably can. No one's waiting for it and you can probably use it all you want."

I start laughing, look at my sister and friends, see them all laughing, and turn back, walking to that Mario game. This is awesome. Thanks Black Jesus.

* * *

I exhale, put my head on that shoulder, feeling that head on my left shoulder, and say, "If I haven't said it, he was completely wrong, totally wrong, completely everything dumb and racist, and you are one of the prettiest girls at that whole school Lena."

I hear her giggle and hear my sister and friends agree. I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Don't worry about it, really. I'm pretty enough for me and for my boyfriend and don't care about any racist asshole saying stuff and."

I feel my smile, exhale, and hear her say, "I am kinda getting back at the white man anyways."

I feel my eyebrow rise, open my eyes, look over at her, feeling my sister's head leaving my left shoulder, see Lena smirking at the table, and I say, "Lena, you need to explain."

I see her giggle looking at the table and she says, "My boyfriend says we can get back at them, those racist assholes, by making out in front of them and getting back at the white man at the same time."

I feel my eyes open and hear Ming say, "It's true as fuck."

I look over at Ming, see her giggling looking at the table, and hear my sister say, "Damn straight."

Oh my god. What?

I look over at her, see those pretty blue eyes looking at the table, see her look up at me with that pretty smirk, and she says, "You knows what I'm talking 'bout sis. Fuck that. I ain't gotta knows all history to know how fucked up it is and being with my black boyfriend kinda making shit right."

Oh my god. I look down and start laughing, hearing them all laugh, and then hear that exhale.

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him shaking his head, and hear Lena say, "Don't be acting like you never thought about it, dating a white girl to get at the white man. And anyways, all you've dated since you got here is white girls, so why you acting like you're not into them or like you're better than that?"

I feel my smirk, knowing she's not only pretty but super smart, and see Cairo look up from his phone. I see him look at me, see him roll his eyes, and he says, "They came up to me. Fucken first day got here. It was fucken easy and I don't like working at shit. So, saw them. But."

I see him exhale, see him look down at the table where Dewey and he are sitting, and he says, "Still kinda wanna be with a black girl, least a mix one, for real, I like 'em better. Nothing bad with white girls, but I like flavor and shit, girl that'll kinda have that attitude and shit. Don't know, maybe cuz I grew up there. Just knows, I can see whoever the fuck, but I get fucken bored with shit they talk 'bout, all white girls to, and cuz of that I kinda know I'ma end up with a black girl or maybe a mixed one, just know it."

I see him inhale, see him look back at his phone, and hear my sister say, "Wells, maybe got a point and shit."

I feel my eyes open, look back at her, see her looking at the table, and she says, "Like I knows, if you grow up somewhere like there, you gotta have someone that's gonna keep you on your game, ain't gonna let you get off point, keep you on target. And it ain't gonna be some girl that be thinking 'bout her fucken hair or what she wearing more than your ass, so maybe it ain't about being black or white, just 'bout finding girls, people, that keep you on point and shit. Ain't gotta do with what they look like."

I feel my smile, lean over, kiss her head, hearing her giggle, and say, "Smartest sister ever."

I hear our friends laughing, exhale, put my head back on that shoulder, closing my eyes again, and hear a voice say, "I can see that, but I don't know, I know this sounds weird, but I kinda like thinking about having a mixed baby, like a little Jazzy one day."

I feel my eyes open. What?

I look over at Lauren, see her smiling at me, and hear Ming say, "Ain't gonna lie. Want that to."

What?

I hear my sister say, "Shit, I be closest to it."

What?

I hear Lena say, "Yeah, I don't think I'd mind a little blue eyed Jazzy running 'round the house."

What?

I feel my mouth, looking around at them smiling at me, blink, and hear them all start laughing, making me start laughing.

Oh my Black Jesus.

I exhale, after that good laugh, hearing everyone taking a drink from their fruit drinks we bought after the arcade, looking at my cabbage and berry purple smoothie. That rich dark purple color that taste so sweet. I inhale, sweet like him, like everything he is. That rich purple, healthy, sweet and earthy kind of taste. That sunshine, clean vegetables, and hard work kind of taste.

I exhale and say, "I don't know. I kind of want to have boys and girls that aren't confusing to people. They're just strong, rich, healthy, bouncy boys and girls that know who they are. Like, they know they're just black, they are just black. And then, I'll tell them it's not only just black, it's not just okay to be black, it's beautiful to be black, to have braids or not have braids, to have big beautiful afros in all colors, to have eyes that are brown, black, all light browns, red, all kinds of reds, greens, blues, pretty baby blue, or happy cuddly dark ocean blue eyes that mingle, a word I learned from pop's, mingle with the prettiest burgundy I've ever seen with a creamy skin color between mocha and pinkish white, or rich warm cuddly dark ocean black eyes with skin a little darker, almost mahogany, or eyes so black their charcoal, a color people think is just black or just gray but it's charcoal maybe that mingles with a little blue and skin a little whiter, or even that pretty confident hazel that stands out because of that perfect chocolate skin but now with skin a lot whiter, maybe so white people will just think that person comes from anywhere and everywhere. And just, so many combinations, but I can't help to think that dark, healthy, rich skin color, that's not confusing, doesn't make people feel uncomfortable, it's just black, just a rich black, strong color, with that burgundy, and nothing else, nothing confusing, just that."

I hear the exhales, feeling that head on my left shoulder, feeling her hug my waist, and hear her say, "Why you gotta say shit like that sissy? I'ma fuck up anyone, punch anyone ever made you feel shitty, cuz you not confusing, you black, that's all you are, and you're my everything, and I knows you went through shit but that's cuz you didn't have me, all our asses, there to fuck up those racists pieces a shit, like how our little snotty kids gonna have each other to take care of each other, no matter what they look like. They never gonna let no one fuck with them, no matter how pretty or not-one-color their skin is, how those eyes mingle and shit, and I just want you to give me a little niece that looks just like you, fucken talks you, and makes me happy you like, cuz you my everything, and I love you."

I inhale, put my head on that soft head, feeling my eyes getting watery, feeling those braids on my right shoulder, leaning her body into me, feeling happy, no matter what dumb racist things they ever said to me, and hear a voice with sniffles say, "I love you'll, but Jazzy you gotta write that shit down and then tell us what their hair gonna look like to."

I look up at Ming with those watery eyes, feel my smile, sniffle, and hear the laughing.

I exhale, laughing with them, and say, "I don't know. I mean, I might be wrong about that stuff. But I do know if we ever have kids they'll have each other and won't let anyone, any racist kids, mess with them or they'll throw knives at them and have grandma get them out of anything."

I hear the laughing, start laughing with them, and hear a voice say, "Why you want that shit?"

I stop laughing, look over at him, see him looking at me with that kind of angry look, and I say, "Want what Cairo?"

I see him exhale, see him put down his phone, feeling my eyebrow rise, and he says, "To have black kids, knowing shit you know, how it really is for us, that shit ain't easy, never was, probably not gonna be for a long fucken time. Just the way it is. So why have more kids that go through that shit, being fucken looked at weird at a white school or when they go try to get a fucken job during vacation they just fucken know, they know, no matter what they put on that fucken application they not gonna call 'em, and ain't no one got money to hire a lawyer just to fight a fucken part-time job that ain't looking at their application. I mean it's like that. It is. And it ain't like we not fucken trying, like we ain't applying everywhere, like we ain't wanna go back home to visit but ain't got money for that cuz we ain't got no job, and then they expect us to not take shit outta cars, outta houses, when they make it that fucken hard man. And you wanna have one. Why? You look black, yeah, you do, but you look kinda white to and you could have a white kid, not be with a black guy, you could, but you want that. Why? Why not make it easy for yourself, like lotta mix girls that ain't say they're black do, when you know they're black, like I met in Chi-Town and when I'd ask they'd say they were fucken white. Bull shit. I knew, but they'd fucken lie, cuz they wanna be with a white guy, fucken leave all the black in the neighborhood, and move up. But you, you wanna have one, another one that gotta go through that kind of fucked up shit, when you don't gotta. Why?"

I exhale, thinking about her for some weird reason, her, how strong she is, knowing what I know now, knowing how strong she is for sure, and say, "Because there are women that went through really horrible things not so long ago, just before the civil rights movement, and saw people they loved, black boys, be killed because they were black, only because they were black. And those women lived to remember them, to tell us about them, about how hard it was to raise a black boy back then, specially a black boy who wanted to be something in life because he could get killed by really bad people. And those women lived, raised us, so we could be with anyone we want to be with, anyone, white, black, anything in between, as long we remembered we come from strong stock and that every day with our black boys, brothers, dads, uncles, nephews, are precious. And even if things are a little better now, with our black boys and girls we're gonna change more, we are, maybe by a little, but even that little bit is gonna help one more, one more black boy and girl, brown boy and girl, go to an ivy league school, corporation, be a representative of the state, or be the first black woman president. But we can't be scared of those things, those things that can happen, by not applying, not going to the next interview for that job, not calling and asking why they haven't called us for that job, what was our application missing, how can we get better. And then, if enough people ask for that, apply, over and over, call, over and over, enough people here and around the world, they can't keep ignoring us, shutting those doors, denying those applications, and maybe, just maybe, there's gonna be enough people one day in power that will change the government to a new one, a better one that's maybe even completely different from what we know now. But, we cannot live in fear, we cannot get tired, we cannot stop loving people, walking to school with them, telling them we love them, telling them we'll marry them one day, after college, after they become something big, just because some mean, horrible people can maybe take that away from us. We just have to keep working with those black women and men, brown women and men, mixed families, Asians, Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, anyone that wants to work with us. And we can't be scared of that. We can't be scared to work with them, to love them, shutting the door on them, like being with someone that's white just because they're white instead of being with a black man that has eyes that shine, that wants to be something big, because that's our first choice, that was always the first choice, before anyone else came, it was a black boy that we fell in love with and there was nothing wrong with that, just like there's nothing wrong with me being with a black guy even if I can be with anyone else, because I want to be with someone that's polite and respectful, affectionate, so many things, and he's black and I love that. I love that he's black, no matter how hard things are now or they're gonna be, because I love being with a guy that's like that, like I know my friends like being with their boyfriends because they're all those things, even if they're white, Japanese, Jamaican, from Chicago, it doesn't matter, because they're all those things and more, they're planets, and we don't care what colors those planets are. And we don't care how hard it's gonna be, because at the end of the day, when they come home, whoever we marry, they're gonna walk in and tell us and our kids they love us and then we're gonna help with more research, more investigating, more articles, and go out and do our work, where we're gonna investigate if kids, our kids, our sister's kids are being discriminated against when they apply for jobs because we care about them, we care about our black and brown boys, we love them, we think they're beautiful, we think they're strong, and we come from strong women that weren't scared to have them, to give them life, and give them the opportunity to go to a school in Tennessee, any of it, they weren't scared. And you're telling me what jobs you applied to, where you applied, when you applied, and I'll help you find out why they're not calling and if they're discriminating against you because you're black, because you said we're supposed to be friends and that's what friends do, they care, okay?"

I see him exhale, see him nod, and feel my eyebrow rise hearing him say something but I could be imagining it, and then I hear him say, "A'ight. I'll write that shit down and show you."

I feel my smile and hear that voice say, "Yeah, having a little Jazzy."

I start laughing, feels those braids on both my shoulders, and hear Cairo, and I think Dewey, laughing. Yes, thank you Black Jesus. Can't get any better.

Then I hear that warm strong voice say, "I'm sorry girls. Some customers were at the shop longer than they normally…"

I feel my eyes open, feel those braids leave my shoulders, look over at him, jump, and run into that chest. I smell that cologne, hear that hearty laugh, feel my sister's hand on my shoulder, and I say, "No matter, you got here."

I feel him exhale, feel those arms around me, and then start laughing, feeling Ming and Lauren hugging him, bringing him down with us, hearing everyone laughing, and hear him say, "You're killing me girls and I still need to drive Lena home but first I want to take you all out to get ice cream and," and I start jumping up and down, telling him I want chocolate and vanilla and strawberry and I have to get my things and say bye to my friends.

I move away, under those fifty arms bringing him down, turn around, and see Cairo and Dewey looking at us, Cairo with a kind of funny smirk and Dewey like we're all crazy. I start laughing, walk over to them, seeing their eyes getting big, walk behind them, bend down, and hug them at the same time. I feel them both get stiff, giggle, and say, "Bye guys, thanks for teaching us how to play some of those games and defending us. Cairo, I want that list on Monday."

I feel him exhale, feel him nod, and then hear another voice say, "Jazmine, can you, I don't know, help me to? Please?"

I smile, nod, and say, "Yes, need the list Dewey."

I feel him nod, still stiff, giggle, and I move away.

I walk over to where I was sitting, look up, and feel my eyes open seeing pop's by himself looking at where Cairo and Dewey are sitting with that big smile.

I turn back to them and start laughing, seeing both of them so red seeing my sister and friends hugging them all at the same time in a big mosh pit I think they call it.

I exhale, see them pull away, and hear my sister and friends tell them they'll see them on Monday. I see them walk over to their chairs and grab their bags. I grab my bags, look up at them, see Cairo looking at me, smile at him, and see him smirk at me.

Then, I turn and start walking with pop's and my sister and friends, feeling like such a little kid telling him I want that mixture. I want chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry, and I'm having it because until Monday it's still our vacation.

* * *

I feel that ass move into me, feeling my smirk, and hear her say, "Yes, best vacation ever. I mean just us bestie. Everything. I just loved it because I feel like we're just so much you know, closer, and I really want that. And then some of our friends even meeting parents, Mimi meeting Caes's mom, Laurie telling us how awesome it was to have Hiro and Hiroki's parents at her house for dinner after that dinner with Mr. Wuncler, and then you and Riley meeting grandma, I mean it was just the best, I loved it, I," and I feel my eyebrow rise hearing her stop.

I inhale and say, "Jazmine," and she cuts me off with, "Bestie, are you okay? Your temperature dropped."

I exhale, nod, and say, "I'm fine. Keep talking."

I feel her turning, open my eyes, and look down, feeling my smirk seeing her struggling with that afro, moving those lose curls from that face. I see those dark forest greens, illuminated by that moonlight, look up at me, and she says, "Are you sure? You're temperature dropped and."

I see her stop, see her inhale, see her come into me, feel that face on my chest, and feel her hug me. I put my hand on that lower back and hear her say, "Is it because I was talking about meeting parents?"

I exhale and say, "Jazmine, it's fine. I'm fine. I understand that fact about my life. What I will always miss. And, maybe, it's possible, although that fact will never change, other things could change, who I feel connected to and," I feel that inhale, squeeze that skin on that back, and say, "Which I'm still working on and," I feel that exhale, feel my smirk, and say, "And I've started to."

I inhale, feeling those drawing on my back under my shirt, feeling relaxed, and say, "Exchange certain characteristics of myself for aspects, truths about others, maybe letting them mean more to me, so."

I exhale, feeling that kiss over that organ, remembering I get to ask for things today as well, tilt my head down to that afro, kiss that head, feeling her inhale, feeling my smirk, and I say, "So, I'm better, but just keep giving me time, keep being Jazmine, doing those Jazmine things you do, but."

I inhale, put my hand over that ass, hit it, hearing her inhale, possibly feeling those nipples get hard, feeling my smirk get bigger, and say, "Next time you're pressing one and call, no arguing about it, regardless of how many weapons you have on you and." I feel her moving, hold that ass, and hear her say, "But Huey we were fine, I promise, and," and I pinch that ass, feel her inhale, knowing I feel those hard nipples this time, licking my lips, and say, "Jazmine, just listen this time. Please."

I feel her exhale, feel her nod, putting my hand back on that ass, feeling myself twitch, trying to focus, and say, "And I'll let you help him but," and feel her moving, feeling her squirming, holding her, and hear her say, "Huey, come on, please, you know I only want you and it's because," I exhale, pinch that ass harder, hearing her possibly moan, feeling my smirk, and say, "Jazmine, let me finish damn it before we end up in the position we were in half an hour ago."

I hear her swallow, feel her nod, exhale, trying to relax, and say, "I understand why you're doing it, damn it even Caes understands it enough he said he would help if you need the help so why it is you're doing it is not the problem, it's for who."

I feel her exhale, feeling those breasts, feel her nod, and I say, "And really, after explaining it to everyone, they understood why and they all agreed, specifically because of those two actually being there and trying to defend you all even if you didn't need their help, but still." I inhale, feel that long arm hold me tighter, and I say, "I would still, and so would everyone else, rather have anyone there with you when it's about fucken racist pieces of shit like them, so everyone appreciates the fact that they stayed and didn't leave until you called for Leo to pick you up, even though you could have called, but I understand you wanted to spend your last weekday of freedom from that institution there with your friends and didn't want to leave. So really, after that, I think everyone, including Caes, who cares nothing for those two since, knowing him as well as I think I do, has completely moved on from that girl, possibly for some time now, enough that he introduced Ming to his mother when he never did that for that other girl, doesn't care about those two."

I feel her exhale, feel that kiss on my neck, feeling myself twitch again, knowing I shouldn't have pinched that ass, and say, "So again, everyone understands why you're doing it and has offered to help but."

I inhale and say, "I'm not an idiot. I might be dense at times, but I'm not an idiot, and I know he still looks at you like that, he does, and I want to punch him in the face every fucken time because you."

I exhale, feel that face moving over my chest, and I say, "I know how this world works, I do, people will die alone, we will all die one day alone, and people do not actually belong to each other, but it's possible falling in love also makes people lose their logic, at least some incremental amount of it, and so I believe because I have lost some of my logic I feel you belong to me and do not want him taking."

I inhale, exhale, feeling her put that long leg over me, and I say, "Taking you from me."

I feel those kisses on my neck, close my eyes, and hear that voice say, "Huey, no one's taking me away, no one, not him or anyone because I only want you, and really."

I feel those kisses on my chin, tilting my head up, and hear that voice say, "I can't even think about being with anyone else, only you Huey, just like I knew even when I met you that day, that Spring, I knew, even if I had other crushes, thought about anyone else, I always wanted it to be you, and."

I feel those hands on my chest, under my shirt, those small nails scratching, trying to relax, and hear that voice say, "There's still so much I need to know about you, your mom and dad, who they really were, not just what they did, what school they went to, the places they took you to, but them, like what their favorite colors were, what days they liked taking you out, their favorite places to eat, their favorite movies, so much I want to know, and."

I exhale, feeling those kisses on my chest, getting to where those hands are scratching, and hear that voice say, "I'm not going anywhere until I know all of that, all of it, because we're gonna keep them alive Huey, we are, talking about them, writing it down in my pink diary, we are, we're gonna write a book about them, talk about them, tell people who they were, like we'll do for other people, black boys that shouldn't have died that maybe would be my grandpa right now or my step-grandpa, but he would've loved my mom and me. And in that book we're gonna put him in there, we're gonna put Aunt Cookie's contributions in there, all the stories Grandad's told us, all of them, all the ways my mom helps people and she doesn't talk about, the universities pops got accepted to, people he lost in his life, we're gonna put it all in there, but first we're gonna start with your mom and dad okay, and I'm not going anywhere, not anywhere until we write that book, and."

I feel those kisses on my chest, hearing myself groan, those kisses there, hearing that voice say, "And that's why tonight, the last Saturday night before going back to school, I have more questions, and I'm gonna write the answers in my pink diary, and tomorrow when we have our 'Huey and Jazzy slash non-friend Sunday' we're gonna relax but we're also gonna finish those last emails we need to send to Waldo and Ericka about those arrests from last month with Mimi's list of organizations she found, and you my Huey just need to keep being Huey and I'll keep being Jazzy and doing all those things you secretly can't live without because."

I inhale, feeling that hand around my head, those kisses on my chest, and hear that voice say, "Because those things I do, those Jazzy things, make you happy."

Fuck. I feel that hand going to slow, up and down, feeling my toes curling, that hand, up and down, feeling that tongue on my chest around my nipple. Fuck. Shit.

I feel that breath on my chest, knowing I'm in that place, that place I get to be in again, and hear that voice I get to hear again say, "I'm gonna help you always, you're gonna help me, and we're both not going anywhere, because I'm your Nubian queen, and I want my king to cum on my hand, all over my hand."

And I feel that bite on my nipple, hear myself say something, feeling the shaking, my toes curled, and know that Jazmine head is right.

Fuck. I exhale, inhale, feeling those kisses on my lips, my chin, my cheeks, and hear that voice say, "Before we go back, before this vacation ends, I want to say thank you for everything Huey, everything, saving me every time you have, even when you didn't know it, being here in this house, being my best friend, and everything you are, specially asking for help and asking for time and anything else you need, and lastly, because it has been the best Christmas vacation ever, thank you for that."

I exhale, open my eyes, and see those curls over my face, grab that face, and pull her up.

I see those greens blink in that way and I say, "It has, I trust you even with idiots that I know still want you, but I want you to be careful, and I also want you to remember who you say you belong to not just because you know I love you and you make me happy, but because of how much I make you cum. Now take off the rest of your clothes because I'm not done making you cum tonight but I want my Nubian queen naked."

I feel her kiss me, feeling my exhale, those kisses, those lips going down to my chin and hear her say, "Yes my Nubian king."

I inhale, feeling my smirk, seeing her pull that shirt over that afro, looking at them, licking my lips, knowing that Jazmine head's right. We can deal with that fucken idiot I know still wants her and that pointless institution after she ask me any more questions she has, we send emails that matter, and I show her how much I think she really is my Nubian queen on this pagan holiday, the best Christmas vacation I have ever had, and she doesn't have to know it.

* * *

Hi Everyone,

I don't know what to say. I love this story. Be safe out there. I hope this story brings you'll some happiness during this time.

Best regards (and I love them comments, cuz they make me happy),

Bulma's Ego

Add on: I apologize for not adding this the same day I posted: the Nubian princess name is referenced directly from the comic strip. Just like how when Huey compared her hair to fluffy clouds also came from the comic strip. I try to not derail from (and this is in order of importance to me) - 1. the show, 2. historical reality, 3. contemporary reality, 4. the comic strip, 5. a looney process. Thank you for your comments.


	38. Work, work, work

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Luv…..you and me….got each other's back man. Yeah. Feel like crying when I see your reviews. It's 4:23 am by the way. I'm so sleeping in. But I do hope you like this chapter. Some of your fav's are back.

CHAPTER 38:

I see that scrunched forehead, those pursed lips, something I never, ever see on him, not even when he's mad. When he's mad he just looks mad without that scrunched forehead, just kind of focused on something or someone, thinking about how to fix that problem. Just like his best friend does. They both do that. When they're mad, pissed, they have that focused look with their hands in fists or holding onto something with their knuckles sometimes really white. But, when they're worried they have that scrunched forehead and pursed lips. I exhale seeing that scrunched forehead, those brown eyes, those pursed lips, that worried look, and I hug him.

I feel that arm around my shoulders, that squeeze, feeling my smile, and I say, "I'll be careful, I promise big brother, I do."

I feel him exhale, feel that kiss on my head, feeling my smile get bigger, and I hear him say, "Alright, I'll try to not worry and shit, I'll try, but just know that isn't, it isn't, the only reason he's asking for your help Jazzy okay?"

I exhale, nod, and say, "Okay, I promise to be careful like I told him for like the fiftieth time this morning and anyways I'm not going into any dark allies with him, just helping him during class and I'm just gonna tell him maybe which ones to call and start there and you guys really have to stop with," and I feel him move away, see those brown eyes come down, looking at me with that look, feeling those hands on my shoulders, and he says, "Cuz we know Jazzy girl, cuz we damn know, alright. We know when we're just trying to mess around with them, we know when we're not serious, damn even I've done my shit. Yeah, I was always straight with them and told them I wasn't that into them and just wanted to get to know their asses and never let that shit get far even if they wanted it cuz I was raised right but damn, I could've, I could've but I never did, damn happy I never did, specially now that I know shit I know, but I still could've. And we know, we know how we all look at girls like that, the ones we ain't serious about, the ones we never gonna let meet our mom cuz we just ain't, even after months of being with their asses cuz it was never gonna be like that. We never wanted it to get that far, just got caught up letting it get to where it did. And then getting all hurt 'bout how it ended when we knew, we knew, it wasn't gonna last, just let it go on cuz we were told we don't break up with them, we just don't, cuz that's some fucked up shit to do to any girl, we just let them end it when they want. But always knew, always, that shit wasn't gonna last, not just cuz of how fucked up it all was, but cuz how we felt 'bout them, looked at them, way we knew when others, shit our friends, would be looking at girls and knew they weren't really looking at them, just passing time. So, we know what it looks like when guys look at girls and they're just passing time and we know, we know, what it looks like when it ain't 'bout passing time Jazzy, when we want them to stay, to tell us shit that matters, like that they wanna stay. And then, wanting them to talk about shit we don't wanna talk about, like naming kids cuz we're too damn young for that, remembering being told by some fucked up people at school, people we sometimes thought were our friends that we need to get over some girl and just have fun, fuck around, look around, when really, for reals, none of us, least most of us, don't want that shit, we don't. We just end up feeling lonely trying to do that shit, meeting girl after girl, thinking what's the damn point when they're gonna turn out to be trifling. And then, fucken moving over six hundred miles to find her, finally cuz, and I don't care, I really do not care Jazzy about sounding like a punk saying this, that I don't care 'bout looking no more, 'bout fucking around, looking around, when I got her. Shit, I like when she talks about that, naming kids, talking 'bout anything that makes her happy, anything, cuz that makes me happy as fuck, happier than I make her and I know that, and I do not care if that makes me sound like I'm whipped, I don't. And I don't care that I do look at her different, I know I do, cuz she kinda moves different, talks different, kinda breathes different and shit than any girl I've seen in Chi-Town, on the islands, anywhere. And I think, way I look her, see her, is the way you look at a girl when you feel different 'bout her, when you know she's different, you just know, cuz she is different, and I ain't finding another one like her, I know that, like I know my mom's not just proud of me cuz of how she raised me but she proud I found her and that I know to not let her go. And I know, cuz my mom's told me, and cuz I just know, way I look at her is the way you look at a girl when you know she different and she, I don't know, makes you happy cuz of her being the way she is, so even if she wants to leave one day I'ma sit her down and ask her why the fuck she wants to leave cuz she's the one and we named fucken kids already and she better have a damn good reason she ain't wanna be with me. And that way Jazzy, way I feel 'bout her, way I look at her, I know I've seen on some, only some, when they look at their girls, still together even if they got together in middle school, cuz he found her in sixth grade moving into the apartment next door, and he don't care if they were too damn young, he only wanted her and waited 'til she noticed that dumbass that kept walking her to her school almost two damn years, always late to meet me in front of school to walk to homeroom. His dumbass waited for her, sweet ass girl, and when she finally noticed and they got together that fool was happier than anyone I knew, shit happier than most folks. And then I thought maybe that girl, the one that was calling could be that for me, even if I wasn't that serious 'bout her, but maybe, I don't know, she could be that for me. So, made her my girlfriend, even if shit was already not good, but I thought I just had to keep trying and she'd be that for me, that I could look at her like that, way my friend looked at his girl, and shit just kept getting worse Jazzy, just fucked up and worse. Only dumping her ass when I knew for a damn fact she fucked around with someone, knowing I had clues, I'd seen shit, I knew she'd been doing that for a while, but only after they posted those damn pictures online, fucken people I thought were my friends, instead of showing me those pictures, just fucken showing them to me, they posted them so everyone and their mama see them."

I see him exhale, feeling my eyes getting watery, thinking about how horrible that must've been for him, wanting to hug him so much.

I see that small smile in those brown eyes, and he says, "But it was only after that shit that I knew, should'a seen it, what it really was, what I was to her, just passing time for her, how I was forcing something, something that wasn't real and shit, it wasn't real, cuz I never looked at her like that, like how my friend looked at his girl, never looked at her like it wasn't just that she was hot, not just that, that it was her smile, how she smiled, what she smiled at, how she talked, how she breathes different when she talks about some things and not other things, how she."

I see him smile that big handsome smile, only seeing that smile behind the blurriness now, and I hear him say, "So I know what my friend was saying 'bout knowing when you find the one and don't see a point in fucking around, looking around, cuz you ain't lonely no more, you're happy as fuck, but that's how I know that look Jazzy girl, that look. That damn look, the one where the girl we're looking at we don't just wanna pass time with, shit, we want them to stay, tell us anything that matters to them, anything, and talk 'bout shit we don't wanna talk about, like naming kids after my mom's and the only dad I've ever had. And then there's that fool, cuz he still a fool to me with half the shit he pulled back then, that damn fool that looks at you like that. He looks at my little tiny sister like that when he shouldn't, not after half the shit he pulled, and cuz someone else already looks at you like that, someone that's my best friend, wells, second to a girl that keeps me focused on shit I gotta focus on, but that other best friend of mine already looks at you like that and that's enough cuz my mom's says people only need one person to look at them like that, only one, and hopefully, you'll look at them like that to, but ain't no one else gotta be involved in that shit. Not no fool that didn't treat you right when he could've, no matter what the fuck was going on back then cuz that shit was between him and my best friend, not you, and he still disrespected you. So, even if you're friends now, he's cool now, he respects you now, he shouldn't be looking at you like that. But he still does and that's the only thing I ain't cool with. Couldn't give two shits 'bout him fucking around with Chantel, that other fool, and how many others she fucked when we were together, cuz least I checked myself after being with her, so it's in the past. But that fool, some other damn fools at this fucked up school still look at all of you'll like that, like one day you'll gonna be with them, hoping for that shit, and I ain't cool with that, not just cuz that'll fuck up the force but cuz my friends are fucken happy, after being through some fucked up things cuz of family, avoiding shit through parties and doing other dumb shit, or just getting deep in the struggle cuz that's the only thing that makes sense, and my ass doing everything half ass cuz I just don't wanna think 'bout shit. After all that shit, we're all good, we're all better than good, shit, we're actually fucken happy, my brothers are fucken happy, and these fools at this school, some pieces a shits outside school wanna fuck it up, and I'm just not cool with that. But, even if we still gotta deal with that shit right now or later, as your big brother, I'ma let you, I'ma let you help him, and I will help cuz I've applied for jobs, know that shit, what you gotta put down on applications, how you gotta hunt for that, questions you gotta ask to know if they are being fucked up with you just cuz you're black, but I want you to be careful, alright Jazzy, careful with getting close to him, not cuz of you, you ain't just sweet, you know who you are, who you wanna be with, after shit you went through, you know those things, but that fool could start thinking you two closer and it could happen, might even think he got a shot, so just be careful alright? And not just cuz you wanna be careful, cuz you smart and know shit, but for your big brother alright?"

I can't see him anymore, I can't. I close my eyes, move up to him, and hug him, feeling the tears on my face, hearing him laugh. I sniffle and say, "When are mom and pop's gonna get together so we can all live in a big house, all of us, and Hiroki can live there and she can fly back to school and Ed's house in his jet, and, and," sniffle, "And then we'll be really happy, and have lots of barbecues and, and I wanna do your hair in a braid when it gets long enough and, and."

I hear him laughing harder, feeling his arm over my shoulders, and hear, "Caes what did you do to make my girlfriend cry this time?"

I sniffle, feeling so happy, hearing the laughing, and then hear, "I think I knows but we can talk 'bout that after we tell Jazzy."

I sniffle again, feel his arm leave my shoulders, feel him move away, and I look over at them, feeling my smile at that pretty half ponytail she has with that pretty hairpin from the Christmas party, feeling my exhale. So pretty. I see her giggle, making me giggle, hear that kind of annoyed exhale from him, and hear him say, "I was going to wait until after dealing with these damn kids, maybe on the way to the shelter, but we can talk about it now."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see that scarf she's handing me, smile, grab it, and whip the tears and sniffles away, happy I'm only wearing waterproof mascara today, knowing I should just start buying waterproof makeup at this point with how much I cry. I cry because I'm happy. Happy like that soft scarf. That scarf. That light red scarf with dark red bordering, and her initials on the corner. So, so, pretty. I fold it, put it in my pocket and say, "Mine until I wash it."

I hear her giggle, hear their cute kiss, hear his locker being closed behind me, and then I inhale, feeling him put his arms around my shoulders, around my chest, feeling him hug me from behind again, feeling super red and happy, and hear that voice over me say, "We'll talk on the way to the cafeteria."

I nod, not really knowing what else to do, and start walking holding my backpack in my hands because I really, really like how it feels with him holding me like this, walking together down the hallways.

Then I hear her exhale and hear her say, "So on the way to your locker we talked 'bout those places I found yesterday to help little kids getting school supplies after you said we needed to focus on them first and then."

I hear her inhale, look over at her, see those pursed glossy lips with Caesar's arm over her shoulders, and hear Caesar say, "You'll talked 'bout that email."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Ming nod, and I say, "What email?"

I hear the annoyed exhale behind me, wondering if I can maybe start bringing that tea to school for him, and hear him say, "An email from Chicago asking why they were getting an email from Ming."

What?

I open my mouth to ask and hear Caesar say, "An email asking why someone named Ming was sending that email."

What?

I exhale, passing the double doors, and say, "Why do they care about someone named Ming sending that email?"

I hear that annoyed exhale behind me, put my hand on that thigh behind me squeezing it, feeling those arms around my shoulders getting tighter, and then I remember I should probably not be touching him so much because we're in the cafeteria.

I blink. We're in the cafeteria. Huey's hugging my from behind as we're walking in the cafeteria. I feel my mouth open, seeing that pretty smile from here, that Riley Freeman smirk, Lauren's kind of evil smirk, and Hiro's funny smirk, and hearing nothing else. Why is the cafeteria quiet? I am so red right now.

Then I hear Caesar say, "It's just stupid shit. Ain't important."

I feel so confused. What? And I exhale, hearing the cafeteria talking again, not really wanting to hear what they're saying.

We get to our table, I feel him let go of my shoulders, grab my hand, and pull me to his side. I slide in and put my backpack on the seat between Lauren and me, feeling her kiss my head with the laughing I can hear at the table. I smile, shake my head to get rid of the redness a little, pull the sandwich bag out of my backpack, and say, "Okay. Please someone explain about this email and why my Mimi's seems not okay?"

I put the brown bag on the table, start taking the first sandwich out, not hearing anything, and I exhale.

They're all so stubborn.

I inhale, unwrapping the first sandwich, and say, "If someone doesn't say something I will send an email to Waldo right now to find out what's going on."

I feel that hand go under my thigh, feel him bring my thigh over his leg, feeling that hand go up my thigh a little too high, handing him the first sandwich, and look up.

I see Caesar smirking at me, Ming with that evil smirk, and hear Caesar say, "Hu, you sure you still the leader?"

I hear the laughing at the table, start laughing with them, feel that kiss on my cheek, and feel him grab the sandwich.

After that good laugh I hear Ming say, "Alright Jazzy, so after I got your email with the one you got from Waldo, I replied to that email with that page I made with instructions on how to call or email those places that are giving food and school supplies for those little kids with the addresses to those places, you know, like you said, to make it easy and shit for those families, and all Waldo had to do is print that page and give it to those families. Then."

I hear her inhale, look up at her, see those pursed lips again, and she says, "Today during second I get an email, wells, I was added to that fucken email but Michael got this stupid ass email asking who was Ming cuz they thought his girlfriend was helping, not some Chinese girl."

I feel my mouth open, I exhale, see her nod, and I take out my phone. I open it, go my emails, and then see that mocha hand cover my phone.

I inhale and say, "Huey, I need to send an email, please move your hand."

I feel him push my hand down to the table and hear him say, "Who are you sending the email to?"

I look over at him, see him looking at me, inhale, and say, "Waldo, to find out why he," and hear Caesar cut me off saying, "Wasn't Waldo Jazzy girl."

I feel eyebrow rise, thinking, inhale, see those reds look down at my lips I think, and hear Ming say, "Yeah, that Ericka girl."

I exhale, shake my head before I kiss him, look back at Ming, see her eyebrow raised, and I look at Caesar.

I see him exhale with his raised eyebrow and he says, "She kinda is, you know, a little extreme, that girl."

I inhale, look back down at his hand, grab that mocha colored hand, move it away, look back at my emails, and hear a voice say, "You still working with that crazy ass female?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Riley, see him looking at Caesar over my sister's head with that raised eyebrow, hear Caesar exhale, and hear him say, "Yeah, she good with organizing the sisters, leading at some rallies, but she kinda makes even the sisters sometimes feel a little you know."

I hear him stop, look over at him, see him inhale looking at Riley, and he says, "Little fucken put off."

I exhale, see Caesar look at me, and he says, "Jazzy, already emailed her alright. Told her Ming is my girl, it don't matter what she is, that's none of her damn business, even she is from China and she been my girl for half a damn year and it ain't changing. So, if she got a problem with that, she can start working with other places that won't take her shit like we do. Had problems with her ass before, told her to come back when she figured she wanted it to be 'bout work and not her personal shit, and a month later, after she saw how much more we do, how much more we care 'bout the community, not just political change, but actual people, than other places where it's 'bout money and getting with the right people in business that can start paying them on the side, every time she seen that, happened two times with her already, she comes back and says she'll leave the personal shit on the side and just work with us but."

I see him stop, see him exhale, and he says, "This time I'm not cool with her saying that and if she got shit to say to me she better call me, get it out, and keep emails about the work, but."

I see him inhale, see him look at Ming, see him smirk, and he says, "But I don't gotta know 'bout how she feels about my girl so it's best she doesn't call me cuz if it's about my Chinese girlfriend named Ming that's gonna keep sending emails and helping then I'll hang up on her crazy ass. Emailed her half an hour ago, she opened the email, and hasn't replied or called."

I exhale, feel my smile seeing Ming smirk, and hear that confident voice next to me say, "So, this Ericka girl doesn't like working with Asians but your brother's family is from Japan, so."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel that squeeze on my thigh with that first bite, and look over at him. I see that cute chewing he's doing, lean over, kiss his cheek, and hear Riley say, "Her ass don't care about guys, just girls not being black and shit."

I see him exhale with that cute chewing, looking kind of annoyed, and feel my eyebrow rise feeling his hand leave my thigh. I look down, see him grab my phone out of my hand, and see him start typing out an email. I put my hand on that phone, covering it, and say, "Hold on bestie. Let's talk first."

I grab that phone, putting it down on the table, turn to Riley, see him looking at me, and I nod. I see him exhale, see him look down at my sister, see him kind of smirk, and he says, "I remember when Caes brought her over last time went to Chi-Town, time before you'll went."

I feel my small smile, knowing he's talking about the time they went for that lady's funeral, how hard that must've been for all of them, and I grab that hand on the table, and put it on my thigh again, where I like it, feeling that squeeze.

I see Riley exhale looking at my sister, and he says, "Yeah that time. So, she came over, had to listen to her ass talk cuz T.V. in guest room broke and shit and Grandad was in the room so I had the Xbox in the living room, listening to their asses talk 'bout all that, and that girl talking like she fucken owned Aunt Cookie's house 'til McHater told her she part of their group but ain't leading it and if she got some problem with it she gotta start her own group."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him looking at my phone on the table, feeling my smile, wondering if he's thinking about any other awesome things he wants to do to it, like making it shoot real lasers, and hear a voice say, "Only thing I can say 'bout that girl is she wasn't 'gainst Asians just, you know, girls that ain't black."

I feel my mouth open, look over at Hiro, see him looking down at Lauren, knowing he likes those layers, making me giggle, and then like the squirrel I am I say, "Wait. I'm not completely black. I mean, I am black, but not completely, I know that. I'm aware of that. Some dumb racist people can't even tell I'm black, so why doesn't she have a problem with me?"

I look around, seeing them all look at me kind of like I'm dumb and not getting something, hear them exhale, and hear that voice say, "That Jazmine head. Because your name sounds ambiguous enough where both whites and blacks can choose to make you any race they want so long as they're not actually looking at you and even in that case some, many who do not know world history, see what they want to see."

I feel my mouth open. Seriously?

I exhale, looking down at my awesome pink phone with my initials on my clear phone protector. Does my name really not sound white or black? I mean I guess my first name but my last name to me sounds black. It always has. I mean. And I hear that voice in my ear say, "Don't look into it too much. They're all idiots."

I feel my small smile, nod, and hear Caesar say, "Wells, if we talking about Jazzy girl, even if it ain't really important, probably something else you should know 'bout that email."

I look up at him, feel that inhale next to me holding my thigh, see Caesar nod at Huey, and he says, "Yeah. She asked if it was for real. Didn't answer her ass cuz that's your business."

I hear that exhale next to me, feel that hand go up my thigh again, and feel my cheeks getting warm. I shake my head, look at Caesar, and I say, "Caes?"

I see him look at me, see him exhale, see him look up at Huey, and I say, "No Caes. As your tiny sister I want you to tell me what you mean because I can handle anything, as long as Mimi keeps helping me, my sister keeps making me cookies, and Laurie keeps throwing knives at racist jerks. So tell me how am I part of that email?"

I hear that snickers, making my smile, see those dreads move with him shaking his head, see him smirk at me, and he says, "Fine, but Hu." I see him look up at Huey and he says, "Take that phone away from her."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Caesar look back at me, seeing that mocha colored hand covering my phone on the table and taking it away, see him inhale, and he says, "After talking shit 'bout my girlfriend last sentence in that email was if it was for real that you were Hu's girlfriend and asked how serious it was."

I blink. What?

I feel that annoyed exhale next to me, see Caesar look up at him, see him nod, and he says, "Yeah. Your call if you wanna answer that shit. I answered her cuz I know how to shut her down and it's gotta be quick."

I exhale, confused, and hear a voice say, "Sis."

I look over at Riley, nod, and he says, "I'ma say it cuz I think if you gonna be working in that shit you gotta know who you messing with and."

I see him inhale, see him look up at Huey I think, see him exhale, see him look back at me, and he says, "I 'on't care how punk ass this sounds. Since McHater finally got his shit together, asked you to be his girl, things ain't so bad with us, things kinda a'ight, ain't trying to kill each other no more, and I'ma give credit where it's due cuz I 'on't like people taking credit when it ain't due, and all that only start happening after he grew some and asked you to be his girl, and I 'on't want no crazy ass female fucking that up, a'ight?"

I feel my smile, still a little confused, see him inhale, and he says, "Don't care how much younger I am, seen it even back then, that day, that crazy ass Ericka was there not just cuz of that shit but for them two."

I exhale and close my eyes. Really?

I hear the laughing, feeling that hand going further up, open my eyes, look over at him, see him looking at my phone like nothing, like he doesn't have his hand right there. Oh my Black Jesus.

Then I hear Caesar say, "Ain't just that man. That's been the problem with her those two times, but."

I feel my eyes open, look over at him, see him with a kind of confused look looking at the table, and he says, "She also into Black Power, more like Black Nationalism, reason why she says she ain't working with girls that aren't black and shit, even part black."

I inhale, see him look up at me, see him nod, and I say, "But, even though I still need to learn more about Black Nationalism, isn't it true that not working with others, not wanting to work with others, is kind of bad. Like, does she know that the movements, the ones that were only about blacks and not including others, never outlived the other ones because even if there's Black Power as the symbol, the goal, those movements always ended up needing help from other people, outside of black people, and ended because, well not just the racist government, but because they didn't want to grow, you know, bring in more people, even if they weren't black?"

And I hear that sweet deep voice say, "Yeah and what 'bout girls that ain't black that wanna help with passing out flyers, fucken making the march bigger and shit, and at least telling people that my black sis is part of that shit? I mean, I ain't supposed to help?"

I look over at my pretty sister with the scrunched forehead looking at Caesar, feel my smile, and hear that monotone voice say, "Some people, a lot of people, gloss over movements, organizations that were successful in whatever ways they were because those successes go against their beliefs, like those that propose Black Nationalism, and disregard or minimize the success of the civil rights movement because it was too integrational for them. They focus on how the civil rights activists were trying to work with the white man, other races, poor whites, within the system instead of having a separatist goal. They gloss over the success of certain cases that made it possible for black children to go to white schools because they say it took too long for the changes to actually happen and of course we still live in a world where segregation occurs in other forms, but it's still real, overwhelming. Those activists though focus on the failures of those integrationist movements because then they can say if those movements would have focused more on Black Nationalism, separatism, they would have made more changes, been more successful, led to the black revolution. The problem is those activists, although progressive, were not actually there with the NAACP during the Brown case, the many cases that had to be brought under that case, having to overturn the equal but separate doctrine. Those activists sit there on their pedestal saying those lawyers from the NAACP, those blacks that marched with white progressives were wrong. Instead of giving credit to those lawyers having to work within a system that gave them nothing to start with, numerous cases that had to be won before Brown could be won, they sit there condemning them for not doing enough, not asking for more, when those lawyers were dealing with a white Supreme Court and half a nation that did not want to see their white children play on the same playground with black or brown children. And so, those activists can stand there and say all they want about separatism and Black Nationalism, but without actually building a case for it, why it's better than integration, working with others outside of the one race, their point becomes mute. Without knowing how to argue the first question of why is separatism, Black Nationalism, more powerful, will make more changes happen faster than integration, working with others, within a movement lead by people of color, they sound like the same people that condemned the Black Panther Party for working with white students to change university policies on the admittance of black students and creating African American studies, not caring that those changes at universities would later lead to policies like affirmative action. But, by not knowing why separatism is better and only basin it on their assumption that Black Nationalism can only happen through separatism they are working at a losing battle where others will always find reasons for integration, working with others with the same goals, others that understand Black Nationalism is founded on the importance of a black identity within social, political, economic empowerment, and taking that identity to work with others within and outside the black community, as that's what's necessary in order to continue helping others. And those others that need the help are blacks from Africa, blacks with no African decent, browns around the world, others that share that idea, that feeling, the one that connects us aware enough of the struggle, aware of the power within those that feel the weight of oppression, those that can and will help if we organize under the same goal. But that identity, Black Nationalism, should be an empowerment and should not leave us isolated in a world where we are still trying to connect with the oppressed that do not have access to social media but feel the weight of that oppression and should be included in the movement, here and around the world, that will want to work with us, all under the symbol of Black Power. But of course, in the meantime, we still need to and should try to work with our black brothers and sisters, if only to make them aware of how to actually fight the oppression we live under right now, even if those brothers and sisters tend to be ones we can stand enough by email but rather not actually speak to in person knowing they're just going to try to focus on the conversation when it's about Black Nationalism, their narrow view on it, and what some would call 'check out' when the conversation is about the identity or the movement working with others, which just makes those brothers and sisters look."

I see those lips stop moving, wanting to hear more, knowing I'm writing this down someday, after I kiss him so much, and hear a voice say, "Crazy ass female."

I hear the laughing at the table, see that cute smirk as he's looking down at my phone I think, that cute smirk on those lips I'm kissing after lunch, and move up to that cheek, closing my eyes, and kiss those lips. I inhale, knowing he turned his face so I could kiss him. God.

I kiss him, tasting those lips, wanting to taste my boyfriend's tongue. He is my boyfriend. And he just said all of that, about Black Nationalism being an identity that gives power to the people and then using that power to work with others so we can work with others that feel oppressed because he wants to help people around the around. And, he wants to help black and brown people all over the world, because he's such a good person, he's Huey Freeman and he doesn't see color, and he just wants to help people, all people here and around the world, like my grandma's Bobby.

I move up, put my hands in that afro, tilt my head, and put my tongue into that mouth. I think I hear my friends and sister cheering us, some 'Go Wolves' somewhere, and then that voice, that voice that could get him in trouble and I don't want him getting in trouble on the first day of this semester. I move back, see those eyes open, and see him exhale.

I move, kiss those lips again, and I say, "Even though I'm gonna look it up later just for myself, I still want you to tell me more about Black Nationalism because I already know a little bit about the movements that were about segregation being made illegal but I want to know how Black Nationalism can fit into that, okay?"

I see that half smile, wanting to kiss him so much again, hearing some dumb girls say something about how hot he is, and I hear him whisper, "Fine, Nubian," I see him stop, see that complete smile, hearing a lot of people say some curse words and some of those girls I think fall over, and hear him say, "Later."

I nod, not knowing what else to do, and say, "Yes bestie."

Then I hear that confident voice next to me say, "Wait, since you two are helping the way you are, does this mean you two have official titles? Like, badges?"

I see that beautiful eyebrow rise and I start laughing, hearing the laughing at the table. I put my head on that broad shoulder, hearing the exhale from him, and hear the deep monotone voice say, "Caes, how fast can it be changed on the platforms?"

What?

I feel my eyes get big, look up at those reds looking at Caesar, and hear Caesar between snickers say, "Tonight man, soon as I get home."

What?

I look over at Caesar, see him hugging Ming with her almost being squished inside of his body, and see her looking at me with big eyes, red cheeks, and her mouth open.

I look back at Huey, see him looking at me with that raised eyebrow, and before I can ask he says, "How committed are you to this?"

I blink and say, "Completely, you know that, but Huey really you don't," and feel him kiss me, closing my eyes, and hear that voice tell us to stop.

I feel him move back, open my eyes, and see that smile, hearing something else, but all I see is that smile, and he says, "You're already giving me time, you're helping, I want this."

I blink, smile, wanting to cry so much, nod, and say, "Okay bestie. Put me down for anything."

I see those dark reds, almost burgundy, blink with that sun coming through from the windows behind me, the sun that we get even if it's winter because we always get sun, at least a little bit during the day, how those eyes shine, and feel my eyes getting watery thinking about him saying he loved her under that cool tree, watching those pretty eyes shine. And, I think, but I could be imagining it because I might be being Jazzy, that he just said that, that he loves me. Oh how I wanna kiss him again.

Then I hear that voice behind me say, "Wait, everyone at this table kind of helps a little, if not in marches or passing out flyers or just as awesome security for the leaders! We all need badges!"

I start laughing, hearing the table laughing saying what positions they want, and I put my face in that neck, hearing the rumbling in that chest he does now when he laughs. Those pretty eyes that shine also laugh now. Thank you Black Jesus.

* * *

I hear that bell, knowing at least the next two classes won't be as time consuming and pointless. I grab that pink phone, knowing she forgets, put it on vibrate, give it to her, feeling that kiss on my cheek, and grab my backpack. I stand up and walk out from behind the table to wait for her to do the hugging they all have to do.

Then, I grab that hand, and start walking, feeling my exhale, seeing them. At least when I'm around most of those idiots don't look, but women, women in some respects have no fear.

And then I feel that hip with my knuckles, know she's standing up straight, and see those girls look away, feeling my smirk. In some respects, women are also smarter seeing as at least they look away, but idiots, damn idiots. Some of those other idiots that don't have enough sense to live, even after seeing me, knowing I can't possibly beat every single one of them at the same time and she might not allow me to, still look. That fucken idiot. I see him standing there, knowing he tried walking over to us twice but both times that Jazmine head would do something, kiss me, touch me, anything she wanted and didn't know I was waiting for, and he would turn back. I exhale. He's not leaving with everyone else. Fuck. I can't beat him here even if he's looking at her like that.

I inhale, get to the entrance, and see him step in front of us with that other revolutionary idiot standing to the side possibly having more sense to live than the idiot in front of us.

I see him look at her, close my eyes to relax, and hear him say he has that list. I hear her thank him and then hear her ask that other idiot for his list. I hear that fucken idiot inhale, feel my smirk, knowing that possibly made him feel less special, and open my eyes. I see that other idiot grab his backpack and hear him say, "Yeah, was gonna give it you later cuz didn't wanna bother you during lunch." I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing at least he has some sense, and see him give her a paper.

Then I hear her tell him she'll see him in class, will write down some things for the other idiot on his paper, and hear that other idiot say, "Wait, um, since you helping, and I don't know, kind of appreciate that shit, and I know you all close, can we talk Caesar, just for a minute?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Caesar, see Ming kiss him, see him exhale, and nod.

I hear her tell Caesar we'll walk Ming to her class. I hear him inhale, look back at that fucken idiot that's still looking at her, and hear him say he'll see her during fifth period. Then I see him turn and start walking down the hallway. I look over and see that other idiot standing to the side possibly waiting for us all to leave to talk to Caesar alone.

I look over at Caesar, see him looking at me, and see him nod towards Ming. I nod and start walking, holding that small hand drawing those figures in my palm with her finger, possibly, maybe, knowing I needed that right now.

* * *

I see him walk in. He looks fine. I wonder if I should go check on that idiot to see if he's still breathing.

I hear that exhale, look over to my right at that afro in those braids I like, and see her sending that text. I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Did you really think anything would happen to him?"

I see that face turn to me, exhale, see that smile, and she says, "Not worried about him bestie. I am a little worried Dewey might not be completely okay. But really, I just wanted to text Mimi's to tell her when I saw him walk in because she said she told him she would be mad if he didn't get to class on time on the first day."

I feel my eyebrow rise. Really Jazmine?

I see her laugh, shake my head, feeling my damn smirk, and she says, "Come on bestie, you like that we check on all of you to make sure to keep you on target like my sister says."

I feel my face fall, see that giggle, and say, "I don't need to be kept," and then hear that teacher say, "Okay everyone, I'm glad some of you are ready to start with your notebooks out even if it's the first day back. It shows enthusiasm for learning regardless of how you feel about the material and will be added as extra credit points."

I exhale, trying to not roll my eyes, and look down at my backpack to take out my. And I inhale. I look back at my desk. When did I….

I look over at that afro, see her writing the date on her notebook, and know she took out my notebook at some point, opened it, and placed it on my desk with one of her too many colorful pens next to it, possibly when I was looking at my emails. I exhale. She might be right about liking to be 'checked on' and doesn't have to know it. And I might just drag her to that room even if I did get to have her on my lap most of yesterday. How aware that blonde afro is. That ass she's sitting on. How committed she is only after a few weeks of being part of the work. How soft those breasts. Focus Huey.

I hear that teacher say, "Please introduce yourself Mr. Caesar."

I exhale, see her giggle, and I look over to the front of class.

I see him looking at me with that smirk, roll my eyes, see him look out at the class of idiots, and he says, "Sure Mr. Delay. My name's Michael Caesar but I prefer, and by prefer I mean I only like being called Caesar even if you hear my girl calling me something else. And I transferred midyear to this class cuz one, I'm that damn smart, and two, none of you'll business. But, I also know enough 'bout history that I won't be falling behind none of you'll, even if my specialty is the Caribbean uprisings that started in the fifteen hundreds you'll don't know enough 'bout, but since I been told by the afro with the face that wants to kill all that walk this planet and my tiny sister over there that's giggling like the lil' mouse she is that you Mr. Delay ain't such a bad teacher, actually try to correct history books when they're wrong, I won't try to take the class from you when you start talking 'bout those uprisings, the heroes that led them, and I'll try to not add 'less you want me to add to your lecture. But to the class, like I told the last class, if you recognize me it's cuz I've been part of some of the marches, rallies they had in Chi-Town before moving here, will still be part of them even from here, and the ones they got here in Baltimore. And if you'll wanna get involved, know we don't discriminate against anyone wanting to join the struggle as long as you'll know you be taking orders from blacks, browns, all in between and we don't care if you're white and got money. But if you do got money, can afford it, we do accept pizza and all Nintendo and SNES games as entry to the organizations. So, bring pizza or real games, join the struggle, and stand back in line 'til you pay your due, we all have, including that lil' mouse that gonna be falling over if I don't stop soon. So again, you'll are welcome to join, see me or the afro in the back of class that looks like he's gonna kill me for making tiny one almost fall over but it's alright cuz I can handle. That be it. Catch me on all social media you'll be on. Peace."

And I see him throw the peace sign, smile at the class, hearing the laughing and no longer giggles coming from that blonde afro, some other students, some possible female students falling over because he smiled that idiot smile, and see him walk over to us.

I shake my head, see him smirk at me sitting down in the empty seat in front of me, hearing the giggling next to me now, and hear that voice next to me whisper, "Only gonna get better."

I exhale, see our teacher, who I'm not completely adverse to only because he does try to correct history books by calling Christopher Columbus a murderer and nothing else, and see him looking at us.

I see him shake his head, see him start laughing, and he says, "Well, I was going to sit you closer to the front just in case you had questions since you did transfer midyear, but those two are some of my best students so you can sit next to them if you want."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hearing some groans possibly from those female students, and then hear that voice say, "Thank you Mr. Delay. We'll keep my big brother on track."

I see our teacher smirk at that polite blonde afro, see him turn back to the board, and I lean over and grab that thigh, pinching it, hearing her inhale, and feeling her slap my hand. I feel my smirk, grab that pen, and then see someone putting a note on her desk. I look over, see her open that note, and shake my head, hearing the giggling.

I start writing the date on my notebook, knowing we might have more people we're dealing with because of that speech, possibly making coordination of work and rallies we attend somewhat more straining. But, that Jazmine head could be right about how things might be from here on and she doesn't have to know it or that I'm grabbing that thigh one more time before dropping her off at her next period.

* * *

I exhale, hugging her, and say, "Too much happened today already Lena, too much excitement. I wanna go home and take a hot bath."

I hear her laugh, putting my face in those awesome braids, and hear her say, "Specially cuz that jerk tried sitting in my seat. That asshole. Almost went all Soul Power on him but then I remembered I didn't bring my cute yellow purse."

I start laughing, moving my face over those braids, and I say, "I know. Thanks Lena, you're the best. I don't know what his problem is. We basically kicked his butt, my Mimi's doesn't even want to look at him, so why does he even try to sit in front of me, making it all weird where I had to tell Ms. Hoffman before I took out my weapons or you pulled out your purse from your backpack somehow."

I hear her laugh, feel her hands on my arms, and hear her say, "Well I don't care. If tomorrow he's sitting there, I'ma take out my pepper spray and aim."

I laugh, hug her tighter, and say, "Okay, just aim to kill, like we were trained."

I hear her laugh, feeling her nod, and then hear her say quieter, "How's that other thing going? You know, that work thing?"

I nod and say, "I got the lists from both of them but I need to talk to them about it first."

I feel her squeeze my arms, hear her exhale, and hear her say, "Okay Jazzy, just know you, be careful with that shit."

I feel my exhale and say, "Why does everyone keep saying that."

I feel her stop, look up from those braids, and see we haven't turned the corner, like I thought. I see her turn around towards me, letting go of her, see those pursed lips, feeling my eyebrow rise, and she says, "Because Jazzy, he still, you know, is into you, and you, you're like nice and shit, and maybe won't think things are happening cuz you'll think you're only friends and shit, but I don't know, I was there, and I saw it. I saw after a damn semester he still, you know, looks at you like that. And I don't know, it just kinda looks like he has hope and shit, you know, that something's gonna happen."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Well, nothing's ever gonna happen if I don't want it to happen and I just know, I just do, that I don't want anyone else."

I see her smirk and she says, "I know Jazzy but that ain't what I'm talking about. It's him thinking it's gonna happen, you know, just spending time with you. So just, if you do start spending time with him because of helping him with getting a job or for any other reason, just be careful that he knows you aren't into him. Okay?"

I exhale, roll my eyes, nod, and say, "I have so many brothers and sisters now that wanna take care of me even if I'm older than at least all the girls."

I see her laugh, see her turn completely towards me, feel her hug me, and I hug her back, hearing her say even quieter, "Cuz you're kinda like the glue Jazzy, the glue for all the little groups, and we need to take care of the glue okay and that glue is gonna be at my boyfriend's games this season, each game okay?"

I laugh, putting my face in her shoulder, nod, and say, "Every game."

I feel her let go, see her turn, and hear her say, "Okay, back in position."

I laugh, hug her, and put my face back in her shoulder, walking to class.

I feel her turn, talking about those braids I'm still learning to do, feel her stop, and then hear her say, "What's up Cairo?"

I look up, see him looking at us leaning on the door again, see him smirk and nod, and he says, "Ain't much happening. You good?"

I feel her nod, see her turn to me, see that eyebrow raised, and see her mouth 'text me if you wanna talk.' I smirk, nod, and see her turn to her class.

I turn to him, walk up to the door, and hear him say, "Looked at it?"

I turn to him, see him looking down at me, remembering how tall he is, smile and nod, and say, "I did, but I have questions. Maybe we can sit and talk about them before class starts."

I see his eyebrow rise and he says, "So you want me to go in there early and shit?"

I feel my mouth open, laugh, and say, "Yes Cairo. There's nothing wrong with going into class early, specially if we're gonna be talking about something this important okay?"

I see him exhale with that raised eyebrow and I turn walking into class.

I say hi to Ms. Reed, feeling my smile get super big, not knowing I had missed some teachers so much. I see her smile back and nod for me to take my seat as she's writing on the board.

I look back towards the back of class, smile at her, and see her nod towards Johnny. I look over at him and giggle seeing him reading that book. So cute.

I start walking to my desk and exhale seeing that note. Seriously? First day back.

Then I see him pass me, grab that note, see him turn, and walk back behind me. I look back at him, see him tearing the note into little pieces again over the trashcan, and hear the inhale from the middle of class.

I exhale, know I'm going to be careful, but he's being really nice.

I turn back, walk to my desk, sit down, take my notebook out, my pen, the papers, and look up, feeling my smile seeing him sitting there looking at me. I see him roll his eyes and he says, "Don't be telling no one 'bout me being here early, could ruin my rep in Chi-Town."

I can't help and start laughing, shake my head, look down at the list of all those places he applied, the dates, the positions, and exhale.

I look up at him, see that raised eyebrow, and I say, "Are these all the places you applied, all of them?"

I see him nod, confused I think. I exhale and say, "And do you have any work experience or volunteer work, just anything that you put down on those applications that could show that you have worked before, or maybe references from teachers that can say you're a good student or people you worked for that would be good references? Did you put down anything like that on those applications?"

I see his face fall I think and he says, "Yeah I got that shit, but it ain't legal."

I exhale and say, "Cairo I know about that stuff, well I know you did some stuff like that, but do you have anything that is okay, legal, that you did, any work or maybe volunteer work you did in Chicago? I mean there are lots of organizations there that do really good work, like giving food to people and clothes and other things or even cleaning their houses for free or babysitting for them. Did you ever do any work like that for those places?"

I see his eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and he says, "Your ass, I mean you, you talking 'bout those places that give good and clothes for free and shit? People that work there for free, ain't getting paid? Nah, never did that shit. I needed money."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Okay, that's fine, I understand you did those things because you needed to, but now you," and he cuts me off saying, "How you know 'bout those places?"

I blink and say, "I researched so we could help some families there after their dads and brothers were arrested and shouldn't have been and now those little kids need school supplies for the semester and those families need food because they don't know when their dads and brothers are gonna be released and they were the only ones that were working in their house, so now those families need to figure out how to pay their rent and can't worry about food or other things, but those little kids shouldn't have to suffer because some bad police don't care about them not having school supplies."

I see him nod and exhale.

I inhale and say, "So, you did those things in the past, fine. But now you have to get some work experience you can actually put down on those applications, specially if you're gonna be applying at jobs that usually need it, like those law offices you applied to as a mail person or that manager position at that store in the mall. I mean yes, you can apply to those jobs, but even I know to not apply there because I don't have any work experience, just my volunteer service for one semester, and I can probably ask my teachers for letters saying I'm a good student and responsible with turning in homework on time. But those places, even the ones Dewey applied at, usually need some experience. I mean, what you can do is call them, actually call them, at least the ones you really want, and just ask them if they even looked at your application, and if they did and don't need any experience to do that job, then there's a good chance they are discriminating against you. But at least seeing that list, most of those positions look like they need some office kind of experience, like the stuff my sister and me help our mom with sometimes, folding letters and writing out addresses on envelopes corrected with no mistakes the first time or looking for phrases in case transcripts and not missing it because it's important to a case where my mom's defending someone being discriminated by the company that owns their apartment just because that person doesn't speak English and they're from Africa. But even that stuff, the stuff I do for my mom, I know I can write it down on an application but it won't be enough for those kinds of jobs. I mean I can't even use my mom as a reference, so."

I exhale, hearing the first bell ring, see him nod I think for me to continue, and I say, "So, I don't know if they're discriminating against you yet only because you applied at these jobs that I think usually college students who have work experience and already graduated high school usually work at but I don't wanna say they're not discriminating because my mom says to not close doors like that, because you could still be getting discriminated, but why don't you start with maybe looking for jobs that don't need work experience, and if you can't find any jobs because I know the holidays are over so not a lot of places are hiring teenagers, you can try to volunteer, you can even find a list of," and stop, seeing him smile, and start snickering.

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Cairo?"

I see him shake his head and he says, "I ain't gonna volunteer. I mean I'ma just keep looking, something gotta drop on my lap."

I feel my mouth open. Really? Then I remember what he said at the mall. He doesn't like working for things.

I exhale, feeling kind of sad. I see him exhale and he says, "What?"

I shake my head and say, "It's fine."

I see him inhale and he says, "Nah, what you gotta say?"

I inhale and look down at that list, the checkmarks next to each one as I was going through them with my bestie and those dreads, then on my own in my last period. The time I took for each one to make sure I looked for maybe some discrimination, three colors, one for each time I went through each job.

I exhale and say, "Because Cairo, we all have to put in some work, we do, specially girls because I think, being a girl, I'm always gonna be looked at like I'm not as smart as a guy or have as much experience as a guy, even if I become an attorney like my mom who goes through her own kind of discrimination because she's a woman. So I try really hard, not just in school but with my volunteer work, to be a good volunteer so much they called me today to make sure I was going back, because I want to be good to that place, have them not only like me but actually be good to them because they're really nice there, and I want to give them so much I'm actually kind of tired after getting home every day and now they even said they want me to get there earlier. And then when I get home tonight I'm still gonna have to do homework and then go to sleep and get ready for school the next day. And now."

I feel my smile looking at my colored checkmarks, my colored pens, and I say, "Now I'm gonna start helping with all that really amazing work they do in Chicago and other places helping people. And I know sometimes it's gonna feel like a lot of work and I might be tired from that work but I'm not gonna stop because I'm not giving up showing people women like my mom are smart and have lots of experience by helping her with those transcripts on the weekends, places like the nursing home are clean by helping the staff sometimes with cleaning the restrooms or sweeping or helping with the gardening, and I'm definitely not gonna stop helping with everything those organizations do to help people because I don't lie and I'm committed."

And I hear the second bell ring.

I look up, see him looking at me like that, with that look, and I say, "This doesn't change anything Cairo, we're still friends, but I can only help you if you want to try, really try, like I did with going through those lists a few times to make sure you and Dewey weren't getting discriminated because I said I would. So, please give Dewey his list back and tell him I wrote some things for him in the back, like I did for you, but I think I just kind of told you what I wrote."

Then I hear Ms. Reed say, "Welcome back everyone. Let's get started because we have a lot of work to do starting with going over some of the authors we will be discussing this semester."

I smile at him, see him nod, looking kind of sad I think, see him grab the lists, and see him turn to the front.

* * *

Idiot. I exhale, bringing her into me, and hear her say, "It was weird for sure because he still talked to me afterwards and then walked me out to meet you, just didn't ask about the job thing anymore. So I guess, other than that, it was nice. Oh and Johnny was reading that book he bought at the bookstore when I walked into class. Sorry I forgot to tell you about that."

I inhale, put my face in that hair, smelling it, feeling relaxed more than usual on a weekday because some of those responsibilities are being taken care of by those I trust. And now, we're just waiting for replies. And we can just sit here, where there is no god and it's just those gases and dead planets up there, and us.

I feel those shapes over my hands and hear her say, "I like your hands bestie."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my smirk, knowing it is only us, and say, "Why?"

I hear that giggle, putting my face deeper in that hair where I can kiss that neck, and hear her say, "Because they show who you are, how hard you work, how passionate you are about not just your training but the shelter where I know you did a lot of the lifting and moving today to reorganize because Frank waited until you were back, I think really, because he trust you with that stuff. And even with your writing and studying, your hands show you do a lot of it, a lot of writing probably because of all those letters you write, not just for innocent men that shouldn't be in prison but to other organizations so they can get a real letter and not just another email. And then your hands are always a little dry because of all the pages, articles, newspapers, some magazines, you flip through. Your hands just show how much you work. I like your hands."

I start kissing that neck, pulling that sweater down away from that shoulder, feeling her shiver, and hear her say, "But you gotta keep those hands to yourself mister when we're in class."

I bite that neck, feeling her inhale under me, and hear her say, "Bestie, if you keep going I'm gonna drag you to my room."

I bite that neck harder, feeling her squirm, feeling that ass, pushing myself into it, and I say, "That could work seeing as I still haven't called you my Nubian princess and."

I move up closer to that ass, feeling her sit up straight, grinding that ass on me, and I say, "I haven't showed you how much I want you to stay committed my co-leader."

I feel her inhale, feeling that chest rise, that hand on the side of my head, drawing whatever it is she's drawing, as I'm kissing that shoulder, and hear her say, "Huey are you sure? I mean shouldn't, I don't know, maybe Caes be," and I bite that shoulder, hearing her moan.

I exhale, kissing the place, and say, "He likes being the officer of communications and those names, those titles, do not matter."

I move that hair, seeing the moonlight show that mark that's forming, feeling my smirk, and hear her say, "So, why make me anything then? I can just be helping Huey. I'm happy with that."

I inhale, looking at that mark, and say, "Jazmine, you do not give yourself enough credit. Just in the last few weeks not only have we been able to keep up with those posts on all platforms, keep track of which posts are going over the same arrests, proceedings, actions taken against blacks and now even including other people of color, we started receiving calls, emails, texts from those people the organizations are helping with requests for more help, not because we didn't do this before but because now we're making it easier for those people to access those services. The suggestions you've made, the focus you've had on kids so Caes and I can focus on the actual arrests and the illegal actions taken by the police that should be used by those families and their attorneys, if they can afford one, those ways you've focused that part of the work, those Jazmine things you do."

I exhale, go back down to that shoulder, kissing it, tasting that skin, hearing her moan, and I say, "Those Jazmine things show how much you care about the community, the people, the work, how much you work, and how much any title you have, whether that's my secretary in any play or my co-leader, is insignificant, a title that does not matter, because you do more than any of those titles say you do, and giving you such a pointless title as my co-leader had multiple purposes. One, being that you now have access to those platforms completely, two, if I'm unable to get to something you will and I trust you will take care of whatever needs to be taken care of if necessary with help from Caes, and three, anyone that was questioning who you are, can now stop."

And I inhale, feeling that hand unbuttoning my pants, wondering when it left the side of my head, and hear her say, "So you're saying it's a pointless title, being your co-leader, because really you're using it to give me access to those platforms so I can do things for you when you can't with help from my big brother if I need it and to tell girls that probably have a crush on you that you belong to me even if we kind of know she's not gonna like me when she finds out I'm not completely black, but at the same time you're saying I actually do more than that title says I do, so you're really confusing my Nubian king and I want to taste you tonight, right here, not in my room."

I close my eyes, feeling her unbutton the last button, feeling those shoulders moving possibly so she can face me, remembering we're on this pointless lounge chair she had me bring because she insisted even if it's cold and there's snow on the ground, she wanted to come up here for at least half an hour, sitting on that blanket again, under my wool coat, this wool coat that won't keep us warm for much longer.

I inhale and say, "Jazmine," and feel that release from my underwear, that warm hand, those lips, that mouth, that hand going down with those lips and that mouth, further down. Fuck.

I lean back on the pointless lounge chair, bringing my hands up with my coat to cover that slim back, that ass, feeling myself twitch, feeling that tongue under me, going around me, slowly, like she's not trying to make me ejaculate, she just wants to lick me, back and forth, like that's all she wants, just like that, back and forth, hearing the sounds, hearing her saying how much she wanted to do that all day, to just have my cock in her mouth. Fuck. And I know, however much time this wool coat will keep us warm will be long enough.

* * *

I walk in and feel my eyebrow rise seeing that blonde hair and blue eyes looking at her like that. I will slap her again.

Then I hear her say, "But why Ms. Lola? I can do the stuff you need us to do by myself. I don't need help."

I look over at those warm brown eyes, see her exhale, and hear her say, "Ashley this is no longer up for discussion. You proved time and time again that when I do leave you to take care of all the office duties you either don't finish them or you make the same mistakes again, even though there are specific instructions for each duty. Based on that alone this discussion is over. And yes, they will both volunteer during this period so one of them can take care of the office with you and the other can deliver notes to teachers to bring students in. Now, please clean up the waiting room like I asked you to do or I will have to discuss whether or not this service is the right fit for you with the principal."

I feel my eyes open, look back at her, see her look away, not rolling her eyes probably because she's facing Ms. Lola, and she says, "Yes Ms. Lola."

I exhale, turn around, and hear that warm voice say, "Jazzy love what are you doing here?"

I smile, turn around, see her looking at me with that warm smile, hearing that dumb girl inhale, and I say, "Hi Ms. Lola. I got a bathroom pass from my teacher but I wanted to pass by to say hi to my sister but it's okay it's she's busy in the back, I can just go back to class."

I turn around and hear her say, "Now that's not fair. I did let Mackenzie stay in here for a few minutes. Five minutes actually, so I will allow you the same time. Your sister's in the back with," and I hear a voice say, "But Ms. Lola!"

I inhale and hear that warm voice say, "That's the last time you will yell at me Ashley, the very last time. One more time and I will be speaking to the principal about finding you better suited service work and if you do have a problem with how fair I am to all students I would ask that you speak to your parents so they can speak to the principal."

I turn around, see those warm eyes looking at Ashley, hear an exhale, and hear her say, "No Ms. Lola I don't wanna do another service work."

I hear her inhale, look over at her, remembering, and say, "Ms. Lola, do you maybe need some coffee or tea with some sugar? I can get you a cup?"

I see her look over at me, see her smile, feeling my smile again, and she says, "Yes Jazzy love, coffee with two cubes would be nice."

I nod, walk around the high desk, hearing an inhale, probably mad, and I say, "Please sit down Ms. Lola, I'll start making the coffee and bring it to you."

I hear her exhale and hear a chair move. I walk into the hallway, see them in that room, say I'll be back, and then go into the conference room. I start making the coffee, putting the two scoops into the coffeemaker, and feel those arms hug me over my shoulder, feeling my smile.

I feel her put her face in my hair and hear her say, "I'ma fucken kill her."

I laugh, exhale, press the button to start making the coffee, and feel that head go under my arms, hugging my stomach, making me laugh even more, and hear her say, "Nah Cin Bear, you the unofficial team captain and can't fucken get in trouble. I'ma fucken kill her."

I laugh harder, kiss that arm around my shoulders, scratch the top of that head on my stomach, and I say, "Well, you're both on the team. I'll drag her out first and then we can all take turns slapping her."

We all laugh and I feel them hug me tighter.

After sitting down I ask, "So what are you two doing in there?"

I see my sister look up from her water, I'm sure trying to not go out there to kill that dumb girl, see her exhale, those two long braids making me smile, see her smirk, and she says, "Ms. Lola wanned us to fit them folders for all the new students from last semester into the cabinets but ain't enough room so had to take 'em all out and reorganize 'em all. Shit, been a lotta work but just happy Ms. Lola ain't doing it."

I feel my small smile knowing how hardworking and sweet she is and hear another voice say, "Yeah and lazy ova there ain't doing shit, not even cleaning up in the front, so I'm sure we're gonna help in the front when we're done but luckily ain't no students that we needed to bring in so I could stay in the back to help reorganize."

I look over at those rich black bouncy long layers in that ponytail and see her exhale with those glossy red lips. I feel my smirk and say, "I'm sure between the not only unofficial team captain and the team player with some of the most points scored last semester, but also the officer of women's sports and the co-officer of communications you can handle anything, even reorganizing those folders and dealing with screeches."

I hear them both laugh, putting my head down, laughing with them, and hear Ming say, "Shit best fucken way to say what her voice sounds like."

I laugh, hearing that long exhale, look over at her, see her looking at her water again, and I say, "Sissy what's wrong?"

I see those pretty eyes blink, see her look up at me, see her exhale with that small smile, and she says, "I 'on't know. I mean I knows why you two got titles and shit, you actually do some work for those organizations, shit even planning some of those rallies with them for next month, looking things up, making shit happen, even Laurie wanning to go to the rallies you got planned to be least security but I ain't really part of it, I just kinda help with being there and I 'on't know, I mean even Riles knows 'bout that shit more than I do, least knows how those organizations work a little and he even knows some of 'em places that give food and shit in Chi-Town, but I don't know that shit. So, why even make me anything? Even officer of women's sports? I mean all I do is play ball here, try to help with what you'll need, not really doing shit. I 'on't know, shouldn't it be someone really involved that has that title, not me?"

I exhale, see her look down, and grab her hand. I feel her holding my hand and say, "But you give me cookies and hugs and make me drink water and help me not do too much by dragging me downstairs to watch T.V. and then making me call the guys because you know they're over doing it to, so you do help by making me happy and making sure I'm drinking water."

I see her smile looking at my hand and then hear Ming say, "And Cin Bear you only ain't helping more cuz you too scared."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her pretty eyebrow rise with that smirk, see her look over at Ming, see her open her mouth, and hear Ming cut her off saying, "Nah ah Cin Bear, you knows I'm saying truth. You got ideas that gotta do with maybe looking at girls' sports teams in other schools, how many black girls or other girls that ain't white they got in those teams and talking to our coach 'bout why and how we can complain 'bout that and even wanting to ask our coach 'bout why there ain't black girls on the team. And I don't know why, cuz you knows you still text with that cousin you met in Chi-Town, why you ain't ask her what she thinks since she's on the basketball team in her school, how they do it there, how they got more black girls on her team. You got all these ideas in your head but you too scared to talk about them cuz you think just cuz you're white people ain't gonna wanna know, but people do, cuz you're Cin Bear."

I feel my mouth open, look at those open blue eyes looking at Ming, and I say, "Sissy that's awesome! Why didn't you tell me! I could even see about putting that on the platforms so people can start talking about it!"

I see that pretty face look at me, see her blink, and she says, "Cuz sis, I ain't say it but I knows what I am, I'm white, and people ain't gonna wanna hear that from," and I cut her off saying, "From a girl that knows how hard it is for any girl to play basketball and people take her as a serious player, not just that she's doing it to be part of the boy's team but because she loves it, loves anyone that's a good team player and wants to help the team win, no matter what they look like, and is probably the most sensitive girl I know that doesn't like to be told she's white because it makes her feel like she can't be friends with everyone because of dumb horrible people that she's never gonna be related to because she belongs to me and our mom only and sometimes Mimi and Laurie and Riley and anyone she wants. But, you can't hide behind that sis. Yes, you look white, yes you are, but you can use that to walk into a room, step on that podium or basketball court and then yell at them for not having more color on that court, and bring those black and brown girls with you, those guys with you, and put them on that court and then they'll bring more, and then that court will be like you are in the inside, warm and cuddly, full of hardworking and sweet people like you, and full of so much color, like a rainbow with all the colors Riley says we still haven't made, just like you, all those colors you are in the inside, and I'll be there with you, Riley will be there, mom will be there, Mimi's will be there, we'll all be there showing everyone how many colors you are in the inside and," and I feel her hug me, feeling those tears on my shoulder, feeling those other arms hugging me, laughing, feeling them hug me so hard.

I hug them tighter, feeling really happy I came to see my sister knowing Ming was here but she had told us she would be bringing in students to the office and taking notes to teachers so she really wasn't going to in the office a lot when my sister had to deal with Ashley. I smell that mixture of coconut and cucumber lavender lotion thinking about why they're both here. Since the season ended last semester and practice won't start for a few months my sister wanted to help Ms. Lola again, signed up for volunteer work here instead of staying in a second elective she got, and Ming said she remembered Ms. Lola had said she needed more help because of all the reorganizing and administrative work with the new students at the school now and signed up for volunteer work here to. So, they both started volunteering here this week, the second week of school, to help Ms. Lola, because they're hardworking and sweet. And I love it.

Then I hear that beep. I feel them pull away, look at them, and start laughing, hearing them laugh because we were all crying. I sniffle, stand up, walk over to the table with the coffeemaker, start pouring the coffee, and say, "Well, I think it's been like five minutes and Ms. Lola said I could only be here that long so why don't you two figure out how much more my little sister is gonna help being Cin bear and tell me later tonight okay?"

I put those two sugar cubes into the coffee, feel those two arms around my shoulders, that face in my hair, and hear that small voice say, "I ain't just want you there on the court with my ass, I want you there at every fucken thing my ass ever does 'kay sissy."

I feel my eyes getting watery again, nod, feel those arms around my stomach again, hearing my sister and me laugh, and hear her say, "Go Wolves and bestest damn officer of women's sports."

I laugh, kiss those arms, scratch that head, and know I was right and it's only going to get better.

* * *

It's going to get worse, significantly damn worse.

I exhale, looking at it, look up at him, and say, "Frank, why am I looking at this? Isn't this something only Mr. Willis and you should be looking at?"

I see him nod, see him lean back in the chair, and he says, "Normally yes, we would be the only ones reviewing it, but based on the fact that you will be managing them, not just overseeing their work as you do with others, but actually training and instructing them on what to do, when it needs to be done, and whether or not it should be done, and,"

I see him stop, see him exhale, and he says, "The fact is that you are far more valuable, regardless of you not acknowledging it, than you give yourself credit, not just with what you do for this place but how much you do for it, and we want to make sure you're comfortable here, is reason enough to have you approve of hiring anyone."

I exhale and look down at the form again.

I inhale and say, "I do appreciate wanting my opinion but really I should have no say in," and hear him cut me off with, "Huey."

I look up at him, see him inhale, and he says, "I was here that day, observed everyone, saw how everyone interacted with one another, and how he looked at her."

I inhale, trying to not crumble the paper in my hands because she's not here to kiss me.

I see him nod and he says, "And I know, because of that day, what we spoke of the week after, the way you reacted when I told you about Dennis, Sandra, and her husband and,"

I inhale, remembering that story, trying to no longer decipher it but rather understand why it makes me possibly angry now.

I see him nod and he continues, "And the outcome of Dennis's decisions, that you knew the possibility of that for you, possibly that you were even in a similar situation, maybe exactly the same one, and of course on that day it didn't take anyone observing you two to see that you two have history, enough that you kept a distance from each other, and had others instruct him, along with that nicely fixed patched dent I found in the storage room."

I exhale, see him smirk, and he says, "I don't need nor do I really want an explanation seeing as, possibly because I'm biased for my own reasons, I would not blame you for what happened in there but."

I see him inhale and he says, "Because of that day is why I am giving you this opportunity, because I believe my father doesn't completely know about this issue and said he would consider hiring him, but only after you approve of it, thinking it has to do only with showing you we do appreciate you and of course by giving you more responsibilities this year that you offered to work more hours, one of those responsibilities being to oversee another employee that will be specifically hired to do some of that additional manual labor that takes too much of your time, because we know you do some of that work when other employees do not show up Huey."

I exhale annoyance, see him nod, see him inhale, and he says, "So my father wants to hire someone to take over the additional laborious work that others sometimes do not show up for and we know you take care of, along with just daily work that's doubled since those bed were installed making it so more people can sleep here, and you can finally start dealing not just with the donation and employee scheduling but with the billing my father no longer can and should be dealing with. And I can take care of corresponding with organizations, firms, companies, other markets we haven't looked into, that will donate not only food and clothing but services for the people, medical, mental health services that are very much needed by them and of course I'm still working at my office in the evening, which has become easier with Monica practicing again as my partner, since she said she can do that now that our kids are in school most of the day, saying she'll also go home to check on dad when he does stay home to rest. So, I can take care of managing this place as my father did during the day while Monica works at the office with me appearing when needed, although she really doesn't need me there and even said she'll take case work home so I don't have to go to the office and."

I see him stop, see him exhale, look down, possibly smile, and hear him say, "After going to college with her, moving back here was the best decision I've made, seeing as it was her decision to marry me and not the other way around."

I feel my smirk, see him look up at me, see him smirk, and he says, "And so, both my father and I, based on our future plans for this place, would appreciate it if you took on those additional responsibilities this year, at least the billing, giving you access to the accounts used to pay those bills, hoping you will let go of the responsibilities that can be taken care of by others, like cleaning the restrooms when that's not your job."

I exhale annoyance again, see him shake his head with his smirk, and he says, "And of course this all comes with a raise."

I feel my face drop and say, "No."

I see him exhale, see him possibly sit up straight, and he says, "Huey, that's not up for discussion, as your employer, seeing as I do have complete authority and responsibility that this place doesn't shut its doors tomorrow while my father is sick in bed like is he today, I."

I inhale, focus on that damn paper I'm holding, that damn old paper that could crumble if I hold is too fucken hard, old paper because they haven't bought new paper in years, have boxes of old paper in the backroom, old paper that has been here for years trying to keep this place open for those that don't have a place to stay for the night, like that old man, and feel a hand touch my hand.

I exhale, look up, feel him move away, see him nod, and he says, "He's fine Huey, I told you, it's just a cold, the doctor saw him in the morning, and he said he'll be fine as long as he takes the necessary medication, rest, drinks fluids, and does not stress, and Monica stayed home and said until he feels better our office will stay closed and she will be at home with him. So, he's fine and in good hands Howie, so relax."

I inhale, see him blink, see him exhale, and I say, "It's fine. Really Frank, stop apologizing at this point. It's going to possibly continue to happen, enough you might just completely disregard my name, and really I."

I exhale, see him nod, see his eyes possibly with that water again, and I say, "I appreciate it, not only your trust in me that I'm going to do what I say I will, trusting me with accounts you don't have to tell me have to be handled with precision, making sure the right account is used for the right bill, but more so I appreciate you keeping me aware of his health, a man that's older than my Grandad and who I respect and gave me a job when he could've hired others, a job that came with responsibilities, keys, trust, giving me all of that without thinking twice, and that name."

I inhale, see him exhale, I says, "I appreciate that name and."

I see him smile and I say, "And I will take those additional responsibilities, with or without you hiring someone else, which I will leave up to you."

I see him exhale and he says, "You're really not going to take this opportunity, which it is as selfish as that sounds, to not have to work with him, have him several blocks away from Jazzy, and."

I inhale, see him nod, and he says, "Yes because that's the truth, if he works here he will be working the same hours as you are, at least until he's completely trained or we decide to let him go, and that means he will also be working several blocks away from her. So, I'm giving you this opportunity to stop that and he can and I'm sure will find work somewhere else as long as he's willing to start in manual labor, which he will be doing here anyways. And I'm sure my father will hire the next applicant by," and I ask, "Why did Mr. Willis consider him?"

I see his eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and he says, "My father said based on what he wrote down about himself, where he comes from, his experience, which is none, and the fact that he was willing to volunteer that day and knows what we do here and still applied, he reminded him of you somewhat and wanted to give him a chance."

I exhale, close my eyes, and hear him say, "Huey, you do not have to decide today, although."

I open my eyes, feeling that headache still there, nod for him, see him exhale, and he says, "He called twice already asking if we had decided to interview him."

I feel my eyebrow rise, thinking about that Jazmine head and all her unrealistic optimism, optimism for worthless idiots, worthless idiots she possibly led to staying in that program, staying at that school, knowing more so now than before with how much of an idiot he still is he, regardless of this system that works against us, he was headed to become another number, like that inmate who said he'd do anything in the world for things to be different. I inhale. And that Jazmine head gave him that opportunity because of her unrealistic optimism, that Jazmine head that thinks I have some hope today and I trust her and she knows I love her and she makes me happy along with anything else I do to make her want to stay, and I trust her.

I exhale, see him nod, and I say, "I understand the possibilities but." I inhale say, "I trust more people today and know when they say they only want one thing they're not lying and know even if idiots that I don't trust are exactly two blocks away from her there's no reason for me to worry, especially knowing she has weapons she can use, along with some self-defense and attack training now, and she knows to use her phone, so."

I inhale, see him smirk, and I say, "I will be taking those responsibilities as soon as you give me access to those accounts, with or without you hiring anyone to help me, but if you do hire someone let me know when they start so I can be here early and start training them that day."

I see him start laughing, feeling my face fall, shake my head, putting the paper down, and turning back to the laptop, and hear him say, "I'm sorry Huey I wasn't laughing at you, rather at something Monica said about this situation."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at him, nod for him to continue, see him smile, and he says, "Monica said that's exactly what you would say."

I feel my other eyebrow rise, see him smirk, and he says, "Remember Huey, I met Monica freshmen year of high school, went to the same college and law school, so she knows all of my friends, including Dennis, and."

I feel my chin rise, see him exhale, and he says, "And when I told her what I saw on Thanksgiving and talking to you about Dennis, she said she agreed with some of the similarities I saw but it would be different for you because she knows Dennis and reminded me he never liked working for things, really putting in the work unless he saw a quick payoff. And although she would've wanted something different for Dennis she wasn't surprised he lost Sandra. But you Huey are different from him because you actually don't care about the payoff unless you actually put in the work, which shows by working at a shelter, taking all kinds of responsibilities, clean ones and ones that aren't as clean, knowing there isn't much working up the ladder in this place, but still you keep putting in that much work. And so, she said it would be different for you based on just your work ethics alone where you might even put yourself in situations that are unnecessarily difficult because it would not be about the quick payoff for you, but possibly for a longer lasting payoff, like not caring which college you attend, how prestigious or well-known it is, even if that means not receiving as many scholarships or grants, making it financially harder for you, as long as you're there for other reasons. I didn't ask her about that further but she has a sort of insight into these things, so I learned a long time ago to not question her. And then, when I told her about this new situation she said you would say that you didn't care if we hired him, even if it made things unnecessarily difficult for you because it's not about the quick payoff but possibly a longer lasting one, and if she remembered Jazzy like she does she said she was always a stubborn girl and it would serve her well with whatever situation you placed her in."

I exhale, seeing him smirk, trying again to decipher the meaning of this, feeling the need to see that blonde afro now, and hear that vibration on the desk.

I look down at my phone and hear him say, "I apologize Huey the conversation took too long again and," and I hear another vibration, look up, and see him grab his phone.

And I see him possibly smile looking at his phone and he continues, "That's Monica. You need to get going Howie. I know you already finished the scheduling for the rest of the week, even though I'm sure in two days things will change again when one of those companies cancels, so go get Jazzy, tell her I want to see her soon, and no more arguing about that raise I already added to next week's payroll and tomorrow we can start going through those accounts so you know how to take that responsibility off my shoulders."

I feel my smirk, seeing him looking at his phone, knowing he gave me that raise before I accepted those new responsibilities and more important than that is that he called me that name again and didn't catch himself doing it. I nod and say, "Yes Frank, and thank you."

I get up, walk over to the coat hanger, put my jacket on, and hear him say, "See you tomorrow Howie."

I nod and say, "See you tomorrow Frank."

I walk out of the office, start walking down the hallway feeling my smirk, knowing I'll be there in half a minute and this new change could lead to me actually being able to afford some of those items manufactured by the white man I wanted to get. I exhale. But first we need to deal with that idiotic possibility. Shit.

* * *

I blink. What?

I see that beautiful eyebrow rise and I say, "What?"

I see him exhale, feel us stop, see him turn to me with lowered eyebrows, and he says, "That idiot applied to work there, Frank asked me if I would be adverse to hiring him, and I said I didn't care."

I feel my mouth open, feel my smile, and can't help but start laughing.

I feel that kiss on my head, start giggling, and feel us start moving.

I exhale and put my head back on the seat, looking forward, seeing the streetlights we're passing with the snow on the sidewalks. I look to the right and see those houses with some Christmas decorations still out, some houses lit up from the inside with little families eating dinner. I exhale, seeing a lot of white families in there, but also some other ones that look mix or Latino and some black. Some black families.

I exhale longer, feeling happy, and look forward again, seeing us get to our neighborhood, getting here this fast because we're driving Dorothy. Well, Huey's driving because I don't have my permit yet. But Grandad started letting him use Dorothy on the weekdays since that day, that day last month at the precinct. We're always in a car now. All of us. Well, Ming and Lauren have always gotten picked up by their parents. But now Riley and my sister get picked up by pop's when he picks up Caesar and Hiro and then pop's drops them off at our house before going home. And, pop's has been doing that every day and might keep doing it, at least until practice starts again and I guess we'll figure things out then. But right now, it's perfect. Driving home in Dorothy with the heater on low because my bestie knows I'm always cold and I think, but I could be imagining it, that he fixed that heater that day during our vacation, when I saw him go into the garage in the morning before I started doing my chores. That day, after I saw him go into the garage and I was done with my chores, I texted him to see if he was still in the garage or if he wanted to hang out and he told me to go over. And I did. And then we had another nice day of going through articles, researching, looking at all those postings on so many platforms they use, talking about how we could help with Caesar and Ming on speaker on my new phone, and just being together, Huey and me being together. But, I think that morning when he was in the garage where I knew they had Dorothy, he was fixing that heater, maybe so it could work before school started. So I wouldn't be cold.

I feel my smile, seeing that sign for our street, and say, "I love you Huey."

I hear him exhale, feel that rough hand go over mine, feeling his fingers going through mine, feeling my cheeks getting warm with how romantic this feels with the snow around us, driving home alone, and hear him say, "I love you to but if he touches you I'm killing him."

I roll my eyes at him being so Huey, feel his hand leave mine, and see us pull into his driveway and then into the garage.

I exhale, take my seatbelt off, hearing the garage door closing behind us, knowing we have lots of homework to do, and grab my backpack from in between my legs. I hear him push that awesome button to turn off the ignition, turn to him to tell him which homework we should start with, and then I feel those lips kiss me. I close my eyes, drop my backpack, and put my hands on that warm neck. I feel him push that tongue into my mouth and kiss him back wanting to taste his tongue so much.

Then, I feel him move away, feel those kisses on my face, feeling my face getting so red knowing we just drove into his garage and people could come check on us but he's doing this, and hear him say, "I do care. I don't want him that close to you when I'll be busy and can't just leave like I can at that pointless institution where I don't care about leaving class early. But, there."

I feel those lips going down my chin, going down to my neck, as I squeeze the back of that warm neck, and hear him say, "I won't be able to just leave and you'll be at the nursing home where I already have to deal with one fucken idiot that might not talk to you but I'm damn sure still looks."

I inhale, feeling him kissing my neck, knowing he's bit me there a lot, left those pretty marks I have to cover and my sister and friends told me were hickies and they have to cover to when they have them, my neck where he's kissed me really hard when we're in our beds, but he's never just kissed me there like that, so slow, so soft, like he just wants to kiss me there. I exhale, hearing the clicking sound of the lights turning off in the car, feeling that heart I'm drawing in that warm afro, and hear him say, "And now that idiot will be able to leave when he wants to take breaks or whatever fucken pointless excuse he has to leave I'm sure to walk those two blocks to where you are."

I feel that bite on my neck, tilting my head back, feeling the car seat, and I say, "Huey, bestie, my warm brain, I can't stop that jerk at the nursing home that says he's a visitor even if Mrs. Harrington said she hasn't let him see her since that day but," and I feel that bite on my lower neck, I inhale, and say, "But don't worry about him because I don't even look at him, just ignore him, and about Cairo," and I feel that hard bite on my neckline, hearing myself moan, and hear him say, "You used to call him jerk, not by his name."

I inhale, feeling those hands going under my shirt, and say, "Bestie he's been nice sometimes so I just don't call him," and feel my bra strap being unclipped. I inhale and say, "Huey, we're in," and hear him say, "In my garage that only certain people have access to and I want to remind you of some things."

And I hear myself moan, feeling those hands come back around and hold my breasts. I feel my arms falling away from that warm afro, feeling those large rough palms under my breasts, almost like he's trying to cover them with his hands, and I say, "Huey, you don't have to," and feel my nipples get cold with those hands letting go of my breasts, my shirt and bra being lifted over my chest, and feel that warm mouth cover my left breast. Oh my. I feel my head completely tilt back into the seat, hear myself say his name, and hear him say, "That's the only name I want you to say like that." I feel that tongue going over my nipple, feeling my legs squirming, and hear him say, "You're not just my best friend Jazzy."

I feel that tongue go away, feel those kisses on that breast, then in the middle, then on my other breast, and then that lick on my other nipple. I feel my body move up, I think, and hear him say, "You're also my girlfriend." And I feel that mouth cover my right breast, hearing myself tell him I want more, anything more, and hear him say, "You're also the only one I see myself in a house with one day." And I feel that bite on the top of my breast, feeling my whole body jerk up, feeling a warm rough hand pushing my stomach down, and hear him say, "But before that, I want you to be my co-leader for as long as that Jazmine head wants." And I inhale feeling him unbutton my jeans, open my eyes, see the roof of a car we're in, where it's just Huey and me, feeling him unbuttoning my jeans, and hear him say, "I want to keep hearing those ways you want to help." And I feel him unbutton the last button, feeling those kisses on my breast where he bit I think, and hear him say, "I want you to keep learning how to defend yourself in every way." And I feel that hand go under the waistband of my underwear, feeling my eyes glaze over, feeling those kisses between my breasts, feeling that soft afro on my chin now, and hear him say, "I want you to keep telling me all those Jazmine things you think about, like how you love me." And I feel that hand going down under my waistband, over that hair, and hear him inhale, hearing him move I think.

I hear him swallow, as I'm looking up at the roof top of a car we're in, and hear that deep voice say, "Was this going to be a surprise for me?"

I inhale, feel my eyes blink, feeling those fingers going down my vagina, blink, hear myself tell him I just trimmed that hair because it's healthy, and feel that finger go inside of me, I think, and hear myself say that I only want my Nubian king, no one else, and feel that tongue under my nipple, looking at the ceiling of a room we're in, just Huey and me, where I can hear him exhale, and hear him say, "My Nubian queen, now I want you to cum on my hand to remind me that you belong to me, like I belong to you." And I feel that bite on my nipple, feeling another finger I think, maybe, I think, go inside of me, and feel my body move, see that ceiling, but all I remember is Huey, telling him I belong to him.

* * *

I exhale. She said it. I trust her. I do. I inhale and focus on those accounts, knowing with that last transfer everything due has been paid. I exhale, wondering if there really isn't more I can do. Financially this place is fine right now because of those end-of-the-year donations but I know come summer, like it is every year, those funds will dwindle. I exhale. Then there's the shooting of another one. Another one. This time, because he was jogging and some fucken racists pieces of shits took it upon themselves to identify him as a suspect of a string of break ins in that area and shot him in the middle of the day on the street, like he was an animal. I exhale. This damn world. I inhale. This damn, and I hear that vibration.

I look down at my phone, see the text, exhale, inhale, and feel my smirk coming back. I exhale longer, looking at that old desk under my phone. He said to do what you can. When you can't do nothing but there's nothing you can do, do what you can. And he complains about everything in this world aside from a few things, people, one of them being that soft afro, because Grandad sees no fault in her. That soft afro that wants me to stay hydrated. I hear that vibration again and look over at my phone, feeling my smirk possibly get bigger.

_Text: I love you warm brain. Mo said he came and then left when he didn't see me in the front. Remember to drink water._

_Text: Water, bestie, now._

I stand up, close the laptop, grab the keys and my phone, and walk over the door. I step out, lock the door, and start walking down the hallway. I inhale, remembering how she pulls on that hair when she worries, put the keys in my pocket, and reply to that text.

I exhale, knowing the statistics, the fact that what happened to a black man that resembled me physically, jogging, something I do recreationally but not for actual training, was shot like he was an animal. I inhale, remembering she couldn't speak for a few minutes after she saw the video. Then, I saw her grab her phone, press the number I know is for mother, and I took that phone away from her. She got up from the bed, started walking towards the door, and said she was going to her house to talk to her mother. I stopped her before she got to the door, told her to calm down, feeling her shaking, turning her around, and seeing those eyes dart from left to right, I was sure to dry them out and not cry in front of me, I brought her into me. I felt the shaking, then the wetness on my shirt for a man she didn't know, a man I heard her say into my chest was my height, looked like me from a distance, and I let her cry.

Then, I told her we had been notified an hour before about the protest being set up by the chapter in Baltimore demanding those murderers be arrested and tried for killing a man, and we would be there. I heard the sniffles as she hugged me with that soft face in my chest, those sniffles, the sniffles that reminded me of that time when we were ten and I had slammed the door in her face, and then I heard her say she wanted to know about the legal aspect, how it worked, what could be done since he didn't have children and she couldn't help in that respect but at least she wanted to be aware of the legal proceedings in this kind of a case. And I told her, moving her hands away from her hair when she would try to grab it, and then she slept over, on a weekday, after going home for a few minutes to be with her mother and sister. And that night she wanted to hug me for whatever Jazmine reasons she had. And I let her, possibly, because I wanted that to. That aware blonde afro that I heard sniffling until she fell asleep.

I exhale, getting to the kitchen or rather what used to be a closet that we emptied, where we installed a small sink, placed an old water dispenser, a table where only one person can sit a time because of an old microwave covering half the table, and a small refrigerator donated by a company that refurnishes them. I grab one of the plastic cups over the refrigerator, pour water into it, and sit down in the chair between the table and water dispenser. I take that drink, being reminded this place survives on donations, tables from second-hand stores, and the rest goes to the people in the form of food or clothes or paying for the electricity and water bill, buying cleaning supplies and other necessities. And sometimes those bills, necessities are paid by selling donated items through monthly yard sales, all to gather the funds needed to keep this place open. I close my eyes, feeling that plastic donated cup my hands. Then there's my people and how they live. Not all, I understand that. But many, many, still live in the ghettos, because they can't find jobs having a criminal record after being stopped-and-frisked only because they were black or looked black enough, had weed on them, and now have a criminal record. And some, some black men living in areas like this one just get shot, while they're jogging, shot for being black, because that's why he was killed, because he was a black man with some excuse of a string of break ins, an excuse we all knew was a fucken lie. He was shot because he was black, shot like he was a fucken animal. I inhale. But at least, based on information I received directly from that chapter, those arrests finally happened today. I exhale.

And I hear those footsteps. I inhale, open my eyes, stand up, and start washing that cup. I hear him standing at the entrance of the kitchen and hear him say, "Back. What else you'll want me to do?"

I nod, turn the faucet to turn off the water, grab that clothe, drying the cup, and say, "The restrooms have to be," and hear him groan.

I exhale and say, "I don't care what problems you have with it. Do it or leave."

I hear him inhale, finish drying the cup, put the cloth back up on the hanger, and hear him say, "Nah, I'll do it, just know I did that shit two days ago, so I don't…"

And I exhale, close my eyes, trying to stop that headache, and I say, "I don't care what you're problem is with it, those restrooms have to be cleaned every day because the people use them to shower even if," and I hear him inhale.

I look over at him, see that stupid confused look on him, and he says, "How they gonna shower there when there ain't no place to shower?"

I feel my face fall, shake my head, walk up the refrigerator, put the cup back on top of the refrigerator, and take that step up. I see him inhale, see him step out of the way, and I pass him, walking back to the office, knowing I still have to go through those emails for cancellations and rescheduling from those organizations.

I hear him behind me, not talking, hoping it stays that way so the headache can leave. I get to the door, unlock it, walk in, and go to the desk, putting the keys down. I sit down, hearing those buckets with cleaning supplies being picked up, knowing I still have one hour before I have to leave and that should be more than enough time to go through the schedule and emails, and reply to each one.

I open the laptop and hear him say, "Ma done after cleaning them?"

I nod and say, "It's up to you, you can leave when you want."

I hear him inhale, reading through the first email, and hear him say, "I'm asking if I'ma be done or you got more shit for me to do."

I inhale, looking for that organization in the schedule, and say, "There's always more to do here and you're scheduled to leave at seven, not six thirty, but I know those two restrooms will only take you half an hour at most, which means if you want to leave after that you'll be clocking out at six thirty, but if you want to clock out at seven there's still the hangar that should be swept, can also be mopped, the trash needs to be taken out, but again it's," and hear him cut me off saying, "Damn. Already shoveled snow all over the place, cleaned storage room, now I'ma clean the bathrooms even if I did that shit two days ago, and now you want my ass to do all that other hard shit, nothing easy like filing shit, and I'm tired, so if you ain't got easy shit for me to do can I just clock out early today, pay me 'til seven, and I'll do that other hard shit tomorrow? I mean all that shit ain't even that important, can be done tomorrow."

I inhale, seeing that organization, cancel the entry, knowing I'll have to fill that one in. Shit. That's the end of the week to when we have a larger number of people here for food. I exhale. Possibly one of those other emails will fill that in.

I hear him say, "You really ain't gonna help me out so I can leave early and I'll do that shit tomorrow?"

That one can work. I'll have to email them to tell them that day works better than the day before. I start creating the email and hear him say, "It's cuz you mad you can't stop my ass from going wherever the fuck I want on my break?"

I inhale, remembering she told me to drink water not only so I can stay hydrated but because that's just a Jazmine thing to do, telling me to drink water when really she just wanted to tell me he went but didn't see her. I feel my smirk. That Jazmine head.

I start typing the email, hear him inhale, and hear that fucken idiot say, "Whatever's. I'ma leave after cleaning the bathrooms."

I hear those steps walking out of the room and down the hallway, knowing I'm going to have to focus to not make mistakes and finish this soon. Shit. I exhale. Focus damn it.

* * *

I see that small hand reach up, feeling my eyebrow rise, see her touch the back of my hand, feeling those soft fingers, wondering how they're still soft after her training consistently for the last few months, and I say, "Jazmine, it's not safe for you to distract me while I'm driving."

I see that hand move away, hear that exhale, and hear her say, "Bestie why are your hands that dry?"

I feel my other eyebrow rise, exhale, and say, "Because I work Jazmine."

I hear the moving of that metal 'J' that makes too much noise to ever consider taking on any missions but could function as a weapon. I shake my head, focus on the road, and say, "What are you," and hear the click of something opening, see that small hand reach up, touch the back of my hand again, and feel a cool ointment this time.

I inhale, feeling that ointment, ointment that smells like her, feeling her rubbing it on both my hands as I'm holding the steering wheel, focused on driving safe, remembering that ointment that resolved that injury, hearing my mother's voice while my father bandaged me, hearing that voice I'm not sleeping to tonight because it's a weekday say, "Bestie, I thought you were getting help with some of that stuff at the shelter. And why didn't you use gloves this time? I know you don't care about your skin getting dry, but it's for your health. You need to use gloves because some of that stuff is really hard on your skin and…."

I hear that voice continue, see that sign as we're entering the suburbs we call home, until we call another place home, wherever that is. But for now this is home, the suburbs of Woodcrest. And I'm fine with that today. But today is also a day I train. I exhale, hearing that voice, relaxing to it, hearing her say she's going to make that tea when he get home, while we take care of our homework, she'll check on her sister and Riley to see if they're having trouble with their homework, then she'll leave by nine so I can train, and I say, "I'm."

I exhale, hearing that voice stop, feeling those soft fingers leave my hands, and I say the selfish truth, "After finding out about those arrests today, now waiting for any new emails from that chapter that I know you were monitoring while I was working, today's work, the additional responsibilities I know I can take care of, the ways we are now able to help the community, the emails we continue to receive because of the work Ming and you have done, and now your sister and my cousin apparently wanting to add to those platforms how much women's sports is in need of black and brown women, and even Riley wanting to help in that regard, the numerous people that want to help, all of our friends, the ways we have to coordinate those responsibilities, the work that is needed, exactly what is needed to be done, although it's more work, it's work I know we can coordinate, manage, redirect, and how much those Jazmine texts help, I'm."

I pull into the driveway, having pressed the button for the garage door to open when we passed the last stop sign. I exhale, drive into the garage, park the car, hearing the garage door close, press the ignition button turning off the car, and finish that selfish truth with, "I'm tired. After we do that busy work that institution calls homework, I won't train tonight, I want you to give me a massage, and if it's okay, if you're fine with it, I'll ask your mother if I can sleep over your house, seeing as you already slept over my house earlier this week and," and I hear the click of her seatbelt being undone, and before I can look over, I feel that ass sit on my lap, feeling my inhale with how bouncy it is. I see that face come up, those greens, feeling those hands on my neck, and see that face stop. I see her exhale, smelling that breath and that ointment that smells like her, see those greens blink, and she says, "I'm sorry. I know you don't like jerky movements when you're stressed and I keep," and I kiss her, tasting that tongue.

I exhale, closing my eyes, tired, tired of this racist world we live in, the one that makes her cry and then makes her ask good questions, makes her remind me that her mother might not be a civil rights attorney but she's an attorney with a reputation, and the reason I asked her about her opinion on the case and said the family of that murdered black man has a strong case, hoping she's right. That Jazmine head that thinks I have some hope today, hope for this world.

I put my arms around that small waist, feeling her scoot up closer, feeling those breasts pressing on me, those kisses around my lips, my chin, hearing her say she got excited and didn't mean to do that but she's happy I'm asking for things and wants me to keep asking for anything I need and I want, like massages, anyway she can help with the work, and to keep telling her when I'm tired and she'll help me rest so we can keep working hard for the community, at the shelter, at the nursing home, at school, everywhere, and tonight when I sleep over because she knows her mother adores me and will always say yes to me sleeping her, she wants to massage my head while I fall asleep and then hug me, so tomorrow we can wake up rested, and keep working hard because we're never going to be too tired or too scared for the work.

I let go of that small waist, grab that face, kissing that soft face, anywhere she'll let me, and tell her she can have all of that and I want that to.

* * *

I inhale. He doesn't have to tell me. I know. But, he's Huey and he's not going to complain. He'll just do it, like all the chores he did during the chicken flu week even if we were all there. My bestie that barely late me help him with doing laundry that week. I feel my small smile thinking about back then.

I see her exhale and she says, "Okay everyone, it's been a few weeks of going over authors, talking about some new concepts, one being that of just how lucky we all are to be living in a time when we live around so much technology where we have social media to be made aware of events that are happening around the world, in this country. And some of that talk has been distressful to some of you and so I think at least for today I will have you all participate in an open group activity, where I would like you to discuss just one of the topics for a few minutes and then you're free to talk amongst yourselves. And, since it was a difficult week, I think I'll leave the number of students in each group to your discretion but please do not make it into two large groups. And so everyone participates I will make this an extra credit activity so you can add," and I hear the exhales, feeling my smile, see her smile at the class, and she says, "Yes, this can replace a later day you might miss a group activity, so remember to write down everyone's name on a piece of paper with a sentence or two on how they contributed, no need for."

I hear the exhales, some laughs, seeing her shake her head with her smile, and she says, "Yes, one or two sentences will be fine and please remember everyone, it's a new semester, there have been no problems so far with group activities, and I would like it to stay that way."

I hear the footsteps, the desks being moved around, look over, see her sit down next to me, turn my desk to face her, look over, and see Johnny smirking at me. He smirks now. So cute.

I look back at her, feel my smirk, and she says, "I know, trying to make him do it more." I start laughing, look over at him, see him looking down with that blush, smirking, and shaking his head.

I ask, "So, how's the book?" I see him look up with those awesome freckles that came from his grandmother, making me smile, see him nod with that smirk, and he says, "It was good, really good. I finished it."

I exhale and say, "That was fast."

I hear that giggle, look over at Adah, see her smirk, and she says, "Every time I called Jazzy, he was reading it."

I start laughing, hearing him laugh, and exhale.

Then I hear that chair to my left move, look down at my notebook, and start writing down everyone's name.

I hear her say, "Jazzy, I can write." I nod, exhale, and say, "No, it's okay Adie. I feel like writing."

I feel her grab my hand, look up at her, see her looking kind of sad, and she says, "How's that going? Anything new?"

I exhale, shake my head, and say, "No, we basically know what everyone else knows but we're still planning a protest instead of the rally next month and," and I hear that voice say, "We'll be good Ms. Reed. Promise."

I inhale, see her inhale, and I exhale. I hear Ms. Reed say, "Fine Michelle. You have one opportunity. If there's a problem again you won't be able to be in that group anymore for the rest of the semester and if there is a problem I will be speaking to your parents."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Adah doing the same thing, and hear another voice say, "I know it's not right, but I did pray this morning."

I feel my eyes open, look over a Johnny, see him exhale shaking his head looking at the table, and I can't help but start laughing, hearing her laugh, and seeing him look over at Adah with that smirk and blushing. So cute.

Then, I hear those footsteps, exhale looking down at the paper, and hear Adah say, "We'll talk later, but if you find out anything, can you tell me?"

I feel my smile, look up, and nod. Then I hear those chairs moving and hear Cairo say, "A'ight. I ain't want shit to happen and I'm tired. What you'll wanna talk 'bout?"

I exhale, seeing the four names on the paper, knowing to just add Adah, Johnny, and Cairo when we have group activities. I can do this. I look up a little to my left, between Johnny and Cairo, and see her looking at me. I roll my eyes seeing them both, look down, and write down their names. I'm just not going to look over there.

I hear Johnny say, "I know it's kinda sad, but maybe, just so we know more, you'll wanna talk about that man that was shot?"

I nod, looking down at the paper, hearing the exhales from those two girls, one sounding annoyed, and hear her say, "But why?"

I hear that exhale, look up at him, see Johnny looking at Adah, and see him smirk, hearing some dumb girls exhale. Really? He has a girlfriend.

I see him look at me and he says, "Jazmine, can you write down what everyone says, just a sentence, since it's not right to leave anyone out but we don't have to talk to people that don't wanna help."

I exhale. He's such a nice guy. Then I hear her say, "Why Johnny? Is it because she's not letting you talk to people that go to your church?"

I hear an inhale from Adah and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Johnny grab her hand, knowing he did hold her hand at the bookstore only after she started holding his hand and giving him cute kisses. Kind of like how Huey and I used to be, until he got so cuddly. And I smirk hearing him say to Adah, "Babe, you go first."

I hear that inhale from that dumb girl, look over at Adah, see her nod, see her look at me, exhale with that blush, and she says, "So, what I know is what my parents told me and we talked about in class. But they asked me to not watch the video because it would just make me cry so I haven't."

I exhale and feel my small smile. At least her parents and her know. I look down at the paper and write down what she said.

Then I hear a voice say, "I watched it." I inhale, look up at Johnny, see him exhale, see him look down at the table, and hear him say, "It was more than bad. I had to pray with my father after. And after we were done praying he asked if I prayed for those men and I told him I couldn't. I prayed for that man's family and for that man only."

I exhale, see him nod looking at the table, and hear him say, "He told me I was too young to understand that we can't judge people, no matter what they do, but it's okay because I would learn one day like he learned to pray for bad, misguided people, why we have to, like he did when he grew up and could start praying for people that weren't good to his mother, my grandmother."

I see him look up at me, feel my small smile, happy he's so nice, and he's my friend now to. I see him give me a small smile. I nod, look down at the paper, and write the stuff down that's not about his grandmother.

Then I hear a voice say, "Yeah. I didn't watch it." I exhale, nod, and hear him say, "I knows where I'm from. Happens there 'nough. Don't need to see that shit."

I nod and write it down.

Then I hear her say, "Well I didn't watch it. Just write that down."

I inhale, exhale, write Michelle's name at the top, and then write it down.

Then I hear another voice say, "I didn't watch it either. Can you write that down Jazmine, please?"

I nod, write down Mackenzie's name at the top, and hear her say, "Do you remember my last name?"

I nod and say, "Stewart right?"

I hear her inhale, look up at her, see her smile, see her nod, smile back, and look down, and write her name and what she said.

Then I hear that voice say, "You two friends now? Last semester you were okay passing notes about her."

I inhale, start making that tic-tac-toe game, move the paper over to Adah, hear her giggle, making me smile, and see her take the paper away.

Then I hear that voice again say, "Yeah, about that Jazmine."

I look up at her, see her blink, and see her look down, not remembering her eyes being a chocolate brown. For some reason I remember them being another color, but she looks prettier with that color.

I see her exhale, see her look up, sitting between Michelle and Johnny in that extra seat, see her look at me with kind of pursed lips, and she says, "I'm sorry about. I shouldn't have been passing notes about you. Just."

I see her stop, feeling my eyes get big, hearing Michelle inhale I think, maybe mad, see Mackenzie inhale, almost like she's getting confidence, and she says, "I saw you at church over vacation and I know you don't go to our church and you still sat in the front where only people that really wanna listen to the pastor sit and."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her exhale, and hear Michelle say, "Mackenzie don't", and see Mackenzie look at her and cut off Michelle saying, "You didn't even go Michelle. You had nothing to do that day, but you didn't wanna go. I didn't wanna go alone and I told you that my parents couldn't go but you still didn't pick up your phone. And I waited. I was almost late and it was Christmas Eve, the night when Jesus was born, and you didn't go and you weren't even busy. And I mean I already felt bad because of the things I had to laugh at that you would write down in those notes, telling you it wasn't okay because we could get in trouble in class, maybe, I don't know, hoping you would stop that stuff, but you didn't. And then being like that about me wanting to go to their club for lunch to just listen to some of the readings. Like it's bad to wanna read the bible for lunch. I mean it's the book of god and," I see her stop, feeling my eyes open more I think, and hear Michelle say, "Mackenzie, stop okay, just," and I see Mackenzie cut her off again saying, "No Michelle. I mean where do you think I've been for lunch this week? Why haven't you even asked? You haven't even texted just to see why I haven't been at the table. I've been sitting outside of their club, just trying to listen. I mean I know that I didn't sign up but it's still nice to hear them read it and I've told you I wanted to do that but it's like you never listen. And today, today is like the fifth day I've haven't showed up to the table and you didn't text me again. Like, that's not a friend. I always check on you when you don't show up to school or to do things with you and you know I'm the only one that was there, the only one, but still, you're just so."

I see her stop, see her inhale, see her eyes water, and hear Michelle say, "Don't Mackenzie. Don't be such a," and hear Mackenzie cut her saying, "A crybaby? Because that's all I am right? When I told you about that man and how sad it was, you just stayed quiet, and yeah, I started crying a little, but then you told me you had to hang up. Like that's not," and I see that tear come down, hearing the inhales around. I blink, remembering, grab it out of my pocket, hand it to her, and say, "Mackenzie do you need this?"

I see her look over me, see her cheeks a little red, see her smile looking at it, see her sniffle, and see her grab it and dab her eyes.

I see her exhale, see her look at the scarf, see her smile at it, and hear her whisper, "So pretty."

I giggle, see her look up at me with her smile, and I say, "It was my friends until I found out she has a lot of them and I told her it was mine and I wasn't giving it back and I was gonna take with me anywhere I went around the world but first I wanna take it to see my grandma when we go this summer so I can show it to her."

I see her giggle, feeling my smile, see her nod, and she says, "And where does your grandma," and hear that voice say, "Seriously Mackenzie, you're supposed to be my friend."

I inhale, see her inhale, see her blink, and hear that voice say, "Mackenzie, why don't you come in on Monday? And it doesn't matter how late you get there. You can even bring your food and eat there and don't worry about signing in with the school. We only really do that because the school makes us but we don't care if you come in even if you're not in the club. Just come in and don't sit outside anymore okay?"

I feel my smile, seeing Mackenzie smile at her with those watery eyes, see her nod, and hear Michelle say, "So what, even Jewish girls can be in the Christian club now? I didn't know the school was okay with that. I wonder if they know."

I exhale and hear Johnny say, "Yeah Mackenzie. I don't know why you didn't just come in. We don't talk a lot at church but I see you there and you should've just told me. Really, on Monday just come in with your food, we all do, and just listen while we read and you eat, and then read if you want. My girlfriend starts the readings most days anyways."

I hear that inhale, feeling my smirk, seeing that paper moving over to me, look down at that tic-tac-toe game to see where I'm going put my 'x', and hear Adah say, "I do. I have this habit of snacking before lunch so I'm not that hungry at the beginning and let everyone eat while I read because I know everyone's hungry and needs to eat."

I mark my 'x', move the paper over to her, and hear Johnny say, sounding a little annoyed, "That's not healthy."

I hear her giggle, making me giggle, look up, see Johnny looking at her with a raised eyebrow, and hear Adah say, "I know, I know, and I do eat afterwards, but I just wanna make sure everyone eats first, then I can leave to get my lunch, and you can all keep reading."

I see her move the paper back to me, look at the new game to see where I'm going to put my 'x', and hear a kind of small voice say, "Do you want me to maybe bring you something on Monday from the cafeteria, so you don't have to leave when you're done reading?"

I feel my smile, mark my 'x', and hear that voice say, "Seriously? Mackenzie, you know she's," and hear a voice cut her off saying, "Sure Mackenzie that would be nice. Anything you want. You wanna exchange phone numbers so I can maybe remind you?"

I look up, feeling my smirk, see Mackenzie nod with that smile, and hear that exhale, sounding really annoyed because I think no one's paying attention to her.

Then I hear Johnny say, "My girlfriend that keeps making the club bigger."

I laugh, hearing Adah and Mackenzie laughing, then hear Adah say, "Well, that is my job but I do like making friends."

I smile, seeing her move the paper to me, look down at it, and hear Mackenzie say, "Um, talking about jobs, do you still work at the nursing home Jazmine?"

I feel my eyes open, look up at her, feel my smile, nod, and say, "Yeah, I still do."

I see Mackenzie nod with that small smile and she says, "Yeah, my nana stays there and she says you work there on the weekdays."

I feel my smile get bigger and I say, "Yeah, every weekday now. It's great."

I see her exhale with that small smile and she says, "I guess but I can't even like imagine how much you do there. I mean my nana says on the weekends, I guess when you're not there, she always has to remind them to bring her stuff, like stuff they should just make sure she always has, like extras towels and you know, other stuff, and on the weekdays she doesn't have to remind them because the volunteer takes care of that."

I exhale, roll my eyes, and say, "Yeah, on Fridays I always make sure to go to each room to put extra things in their restrooms and, you know, just make sure they have anything they need for the weekend but I know the residents are gonna run out and I don't know what the volunteers are doing on the weekends. I mean they're there to make sure the residents have everything and if they do then they should just be checking on them or making sure they have coffee or tea or," and hear Mackenzie cut me off saying, "Coffee with two cubes."

I feel my mouth open, blink, and see her nod with her smile, and she says, "Yeah, that's my nana." I feel my smile. Mrs. Stewart. Mrs. Stewart is her nana, her grandma. Those eyes. I smile and say, "You have her eyes."

I see her giggle, see her nod, and she says, "I hope so. They're really pretty. I even stopped using the color contacts when I remembered how when my papa was alive he used to always say my nana's eyes were chocolate brown."

I exhale, see her look down with that small smile, maybe a little sad, seeing her eyes kind of get watery again, and hear Johnny say, "He passed away last year, didn't he?"

I see her inhale, see her nod with her pursed lips, seeing her eyes water, and hear Adah say, "Mackenzie, here's my phone number."

I see Mackenzie look up, see her sniffle, see her smile, grab the paper from Adah, and hear Adah say, "If you want, why don't you call me tonight, and we can talk about stuff?"

I see Mackenzie inhale, see her nod, and see her put that scarf over her nose, seeing her eyes water, feeling my small smile. Such good friends.

Then I hear Johnny say, "Yeah, just call her Mackenzie. She's really easy to talk to and you should never be alone when you're sad, okay?"

I see her look over at him, see her nod with those filled up red eyes, wondering if that's why she's crying today. Maybe she's been thinking about her grandpa. I exhale. Hopefully she calls Adah, remembering Adah telling me at the bookstore more about her family and me telling her more about why I missed those three days last month, and she figured it out without me telling her all of it, and wouldn't let go of me for a whole minute, hugging me.

I exhale and hear Johnny say, "Well, it's not good to think about sad things for too long. Let's talk about something else. Anything that makes you happy you wanna talk about Mackenzie?"

I feel my small smile, see Mackenzie dab her says with that scarf, see her sniffle, nod with her smile, and she says, "My nana. I go see her on Saturdays. She says it's really nice there. That's why she doesn't wanna leave even if she can. But, I think it's also because she has a friend there and they walk around the garden and play bingo sometimes. Oh and." I see her look over at me, see her smile with that red nose, and she says, "She really likes it when you leave that cute flower in her cup in her little restroom."

I giggle, hearing Adah giggling with me, nod, and say, "Well, I know she likes the garden so sometimes I'm bad and go out in the front and pick one of the flowers out there so I don't grab one from the garden and put it in her cup. I mean, I just can't say no to some residents, specially when they look so happy when they see me."

I hear them laugh, laugh with them, hear that exhale from Michelle, sounding super annoyed, and hear Makenzie say, "Wait. Why is that being bad?"

I exhale, roll my eyes, and hear Adah say, "Huey."

I hear that annoyed exhale from him this time, look to the side, trying to not be annoyed with him but I am, and hear Mackenzie say, "Wait. Your boyfriend doesn't like you picking flowers?"

I feel my smile, hearing Michelle say something, ignoring her, look back at Mackenzie and feel my eyes open seeing her ignoring Michelle, and I think waiting for me to answer. I feel my mouth open. They're friends right? What's happening?

Then I hear Adah say, "That's not it Mackenzie. He's just." I blink, look over at her, see her looking at Johnny with that raised eyebrow and that smirk, and she says, "Overprotective."

I hear that exhale from Johnny, feeling really confused. What's happening?

I look over at Johnny, see him looking at Adah, looking a little annoyed, and he says, "There's nothing wrong with being overprotective."

What?

I look over at Adah, see her start giggling shaking her head, making me laugh, hearing Mackenzie giggling, hearing Michelle I think say something, and hear Mackenzie say, "Let me guess, both your boyfriends are overprotective?"

I look over at her, see her eyes don't look watery anymore, just a little red, feeling my smile, nod, exhale, and say, "A little."

I hear that exhale from Johnny, feeling confused but wanting to giggle, look over at him, see him looking at Adah with pursed lips, and hear him say, "Just because we want to make sure our girlfriends are safe is not a bad thing."

I feel my mouth open, look over at Adah, trying to remember what game we were playing on that paper, see her smile at him, and hear her say, "I didn't say it was bad or I wasn't okay with it. It's actually really cute that after that day I can't even walk to my parents car by myself."

I blink. Okay, I'm so confused.

I see her start giggling, hear that exhale from Johnny, see Adah look at me giggling, see her inhale with that smile, and she says, "I'm actually completely okay with it. I mean, if I would've known him spending time with Huey would have made him that okay with being so overprotective, I wouldn't have ever said the movies. I mean next time we're definitely going to another bookstore so they can keep talking."

I can't help it and start laughing. Oh my Black Jesus.

I hear the laughing from Adah and Mackenzie, hear the snickers from him, look up at Johnny, see him shaking his head with this smirk, see him look up at me, and he says, "It was cool that day. And that book he told me about, I don't know, after reading it, just the history about the three religions, it kind of made me think about other things, like the history about my church and just how connected is it to other religions, other beliefs. So, I bought the next book from that author."

I feel my smile, see him nod with his smirk, and he says, "Yeah. I might not agree with some of Huey's beliefs, but I see his point in just knowing history if I'm gonna defend my beliefs from nonbelievers or people that aren't as openminded as him. I mean, I know he knows about the history and know he kind of held back when we were talking about it, and that was cool of him. So, I just wanna know about the history of at least my religion and even how close it is to my girlfriend's family's religion. And I just remember he kind of said it was okay to just know, to be able to defend stuff that means a lot to me, like my religion, why I believe it, my girlfriend, and why I believe her parents aren't wrong in their beliefs, they just believe what they believe but it's okay as long as they let me be her boyfriend, because that's all I want. And I don't know, maybe it's okay to know a little about it all, the history of how it happened. I mean I even read online that there are historians that are believers, even if they know history, how it happened, how they think it all happened, those historians are still believers, and I don't know, maybe that's what I wanna do in college."

I feel my smile, see Adah grab his hand, see him smirk at her, and hear Mackenzie say, "Okay, I'm sorry, but what's happening and why is it okay to be overprotective?"

I start laughing with them, exhale, looking down at that paper moving over to me, looking at where to mark my 'x', and hear Adah say, "Well, basically, we all hung during vacation, Johnny and Huey talked, and after Huey told him how he makes Jazzy wait in the front office of the nursing home for him every day while he gets there from his job, my Johnny decided, did not ask me, decided on his own, that it was okay for him to walk me all the way to where my parents pick me up on the other side of school every day, and I love it."

I start laughing, closing my eyes, hearing the laughing from Adah and Mackenzie, I think snickers from Johnny, and then hear Johnny say, "How is work for Huey?"

I exhale, thinking about last night and how he fell asleep after he wanted to talk a little more, but then he fell asleep so hard, not even moving, just breathing, how cute it was, but he was so tired. I inhale, look up at Johnny, see that small smile on him, and I say, "It's good. He just does a lot."

I hear that exhale from Cairo again, not wanting to look at him today, just saying hi to him, being nice, but that's it, and Johnny says, "Does he manage the place now?"

I feel my smile, shake my head, and say, "He just says he helps but he does a lot and really, knowing Huey, if they offered him some title, he'd probably just say it's pointless and he doesn't want it but he'll take the responsibilities."

I exhale, see him smirk, see him start snickering, and hear that voice say, "He don't do everything there."

I exhale and hear Johnny say, "How do you know? Do you work there to?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him look away, and hear him say, "Just know he can't be doing it all you know, like other people gotta be helping."

I feel my mouth open and hear Adah say, "Jazzy."

I blink, look over at her, see her smiling at me, and she says, "Maybe next month, you think another double date? Because I love the overprotectiveness."

I start laughing, nod, and say, "Yeah, after the protest we have planned for next month, probably on a Saturday in the afternoon because those are the only days we don't work, and I just need to make sure my mom doesn't need my sister and me to help in her office, and then you know on Sundays I need to do all my chores if I'm not catching up with homework, but I know those days you spend with your family anyways so yeah, I guess a Saturday from like noon to anytime, after the second week of next month would be good."

I see her exhale with that smile and she says, "How many jobs do you have again?"

I hear them laughing, shake my head, feeling my smile, and hear her say, "Okay, next month the third Saturday of the month, but check if that works for you two and then text me okay?"

I smile, nod, and hear the bell. I exhale. That was too much fun. And I see Adah say, "Why does it actually feel like a short period when we're having fun?"

I nod, feeling my smile, see her stand up, lean down, and feel her hug. I hug her back and hear her whisper, "Jazzy, tonight, sleep okay. You have little bags under your eyes. I had to really look to see them but I see them and I know you do a lot and you're really strong, but rest okay?"

I exhale, nod, and say, "I will. Thank you Adie."

I feel her pull away, exhale, see her nod at me, see her move the desk back, and then walk towards the back of class with Johnny.

I hear him call my name, look up at him, and hear her say something. I exhale and say, "They're calling you Cairo."

I see him exhale, looking at me, and he says, "I ain't talking to her. You walking out?"

I exhale, shake my head, and say, "I'm just gonna wait here to start on my homework. I need to start on it now because I know when I get home I'm gonna be really tired, and I'm gonna be busy this weekend so I should start it now."

I exhale, thinking how tired he must be with how hard he fell asleep last night. I see him inhale and he says, "You gonna work today?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, confused, and say, "Yeah. I work every day after school now."

I see him exhale and he says, "But it's Friday. You can't just go home and shit? You look tired."

I feel my small smile, thinking about how many times I'm going to hear that today, and say, "I'm fine Cairo. It's just part of the job and I can't just go home. It's Friday and I need to make sure the residents have everything in their rooms because the volunteers on the weekend don't do a good job and that's not fair on," and see him cut me off saying, "But you ain't even get paid for that shit."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Yes, but it's still my job and I have to be a good volunteer, if not why am I there?"

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "That's why you ain't there when I pass sometimes, you busy and shit, or its cuz of the fucken white guy that looks at you?"

I inhale, look down at my notebook, start writing the title for my homework assignment, and say, "Don't worry about it Cairo. I just ignore him. But yes, I'm busy, specially when people don't show up and then I gotta help with what they do, like today I know I'm gonna have to clean some of the bathrooms, at least their sinks because I know some of them like using it to shower and should have a clean," and hear him cut me off saying, "Wait. How you know they like using their sink to shower and why do that shit? They don't got showers there?"

I blink, look up at him, and say, "Um, they do but even the showers that have the seats where they can sit and the bars to hold onto are kind of scary for some of the older people that could slip and fall so some of them just like using the sink to clean themselves and then maybe once a week they'll use the big showers with help from a nurse. So we gotta make sure at least their own bathroom sinks are clean every day so they can use them every day if they want to, specially because we don't want them getting sick from having dirty bathrooms. I mean older people or just people with bad health can die from getting sick one time. So, we gotta be extra careful with them. And I mean, I know you help at the shelter with that stuff, making sure their restrooms are clean because the people that stay there at night use them to shower and some of those people because their homeless are sick already and could get sick using dirty restrooms so Mr. Willis tries to keep those restrooms clean. Same with the floor in the hangar. Everything there, like the nursing home, has to be as clean as you can make it, cleaning it every day if you can, to make sure the people there don't get sick and you know, die. We don't want them dying, not just because we care about them, but those people have family and friends, someone that cares about them, and."

I exhale, remembering his hands from yesterday. Huey knows all this stuff. That's why his hands were like that. With everything he does there now he really doesn't have time to be cleaning. That's why they hired Cairo, to help Huey. And I know Huey probably didn't wear gloves because he was trying to do too much. That's why I'm annoyed with Cairo even if I'm trying not to be because that's work stuff and really I shouldn't be thinking about this at school. And Huey might always be like that, doing things when a house full of people don't, with my mom forcing him to let her help cooking and me starting the laundry while he was taking a nap, remembering how I thought I saw him smile when he woke up and saw the load going. My bestie that was that tired yesterday and shouldn't be if someone's helping him with all that stuff and not leaving early like I saw Cairo doing when he passed by the nursing home at six thirty. I inhale and see him blink, looking at me like that.

I exhale and say, "Sorry Cairo, I shouldn't be talking about that in school and you probably didn't need to know all that stuff. And I'm not walking out. I'm just gonna wait for Huey in class. I'll see you Monday."

I look back down at my notebook, start writing the first sentence, and hear him say, "You ain't alright with how I didn't wanna say I work there?"

I exhale, writing the sentence, and say, "No Cairo. That's not it. I'm just tired and I know it's probably kind of embarrassing to say you work at a shelter, but no matter what, thank you. You did it. You got a job where I think they don't need work experience at a place that does a lot for people, a lot, and you're helping there, no matter what you do. And I know they help a lot of more people now because of those bunkbeds so it's a lot of work, the organizing, the food, the clothes, the cleaning."

I inhale, write the next sentence, and say, "So thank you."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Jazmine."

I look up at him, blink, knowing I'm going to need tea when I get to the nursing home, see him inhale, hear him say something again, but I could be imagining it or I'm just really tired, and hear that voice say, "Jazmine."

I see him inhale, feel my smile coming back, look up to my right, and see those eyes looking down at me.

I smile at those burgundies, see him exhale, and hear Cairo say, "See you later Jazmine."

I look back at him, feeling confused, because it's Friday, see him stand up holding his backpack, and see him nod at me. Then I see him turn, walk around his desk, and see him walk towards the door, hearing him say bye to Ms. Reed.

So confused.

I shake my head, look down, close my notebook, put it in my backpack, zip it up, stand up, grab his hand, and pull on it. But, I don't feel him move.

I look up at him, see him exhale looking at me, and he says, "I'm taking you home."

I feel my eyebrow rise, inhale, put my knee on my chair, move up, and kiss him, feeling him kiss me back. I move back, see those burgundies look at me with that worried look, feel my smile, and I say, "Bestie, I know I look tired, I am, but the day's not done and," and I see that mouth open, and I say, "I'm not done talking bestie." And I see that mouth close.

I smile, move up, kiss that nose, hearing that cute exhale, move back, looking at those burgundies that look rested, making me feel happy, and I say, "And today's Friday so I know Mo really needs me and I'm not gonna stop. I even started doing my homework already. So, after you drop me off at the nursing home, I'm gonna have some tea, help as much as I can, do some homework when I'm sitting at the front desk when Mo goes on her break that she needs to take and she can only take if I'm there, and when we get home I'll take a nap okay. And you look rested and you're driving and when I get my permit I'll drive when you're tired, but right now all I can do when you're tired is talk to you, put lotion on your hands when you don't wear gloves cleaning up the shelter because you care too much about that place to not do those things when other people don't or leave early even if you don't tell me, and then make sure you fall asleep before me to make sure you rest. But today, just drive us there, please, and then, when we get home and after we finish our homework no matter how tired I am, I'll go to sleep and you can start going through your emails. Then tomorrow we need to go through the platforms again and then," and feel him kiss me.

I put my hands on that warm neck and kiss him back, hearing the giggling from Ms. Reed. I move away, feeling my cheeks get warm, totally forgetting were in class. I see that beautiful eyebrow rise, open my mouth to apologize, and he says, "Fine, but you're sleeping even for those ten minutes on the way to the nursing home."

I feel my smile, nod, and say, "Okay bestie."

After letting go of that neck, I grab that hand, pull on it, not feeling him moving again, and look back at him. I see him exhale and he says, "And give me that backpack."

I inhale and say, "Huey, I can carry," and he cuts me off saying, "It's either that or I take you home."

I exhale, hearing Ms. Reed giggling more, feeling my small smile, shake my head, and give him my backpack.

Then, I see him put my awesome backpack over his shoulder, feel him pull my hand, and I start walking out with him.

We get to Ms. Reed and I tell her I'll see her on Monday and hear her say, "You two remind me of my husband and I when we first met."

I feel my eyes open, look over at her, see her smiling at us, feeling my cheeks getting warm, hoping she didn't hear anything, see her turn to Huey with that smile, and she says, "Please make sure one of my best students rest this weekend. She looks very tired."

I exhale. Really?

Then I hear that deep monotone voice say, "Yes Ms. Reed."

I roll my eyes, feel him pull me, see Ms. Reed wave at me, wave back, and then feel the pull out the door.

I'm not that tired.

I open my eyes and look around. Where am I? I blink and feel the covers around me. When did I get in bed? And then I feel something warm and strong pull me in, look down, and feel my smile seeing that arm. But, when did I…

I blink and look around. In my room. Nighttime. With that arm holding me, hearing him breathing behind me. Wait. I took that nap in the car, got to the nursing home, helped Monique, saw Mr. Ramirez come see her for her break like he does on Fridays, she went out with him, Cairo came by again and I saw him because I was in the front, that jerk was there again but Mrs. Harrington didn't want to see him again, Monique came back, I did Mrs. Harrington's hair in that side braid she likes, I finished some of my homework but not all of it and kept checking the platforms for more posts but they all looked like ones we saw yesterday, Huey came to pick me up, told him there was nothing new on the platforms, got into Dorothy, took a nap, got home, changed into comfy clothes, was laying in Huey's bed doing homework, and then black. Did I fall asleep on his bed? But I'm in my room, in my bed.

I inhale, knowing no matter what I should probably brush my teeth. I grab the arm, feeling it really holding me, and I exhale. How do I do this? I smile, put my hand underneath me, on top of his hand, feel him hold my hand, and I bring it over me, really slow, then I move from underneath that arm, sit up, look back at him, and feel my heart melt. He looks so cute with that smooth forehead, those open lips, breathing like that. I need to take a picture of him like that one day, but right now, I need to go brush my teeth.

I kiss those knuckles, hear him say something, look over at him, see those closed eyes, see him exhale, and feel my smile. I put that hand down and whisper, "I'll be back bestie. Sleep."

I see him exhale longer, putting that hand down on the bed, and I get up, walk around my bed, and remember I'm gonna need something to sleep in but I don't want to wake him with making noise. I exhale. Then I feel my eyes open. I open my closet, grab it, close my closet, walk to the door, and turn the knob as slow as I can. I open the door, exhale, and feel my eyebrow rise hearing the cute laughing coming from downstairs.

I step out, close the door behind me, put my night clothes in the bathroom, and walk downstairs.

Then I see them and I smile.

I see those blue eyes look at me, mom on the couch with the messy hair, I look down, see that pretty long blonde hair out of those two braids, and popcorn between her legs, and see them smile at me. I exhale and say, "I don't remember what happened today."

I see them start laughing, start laughing with them, and hear my sister say, "I 'on't know sis but McHater came over holding you like a sack of potatoes, said your ass was tired, and was gonna put you in your room, then mama tol' his ass to just stay over."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look at my mom, see her smile at me, laying on the couch playing with my little sister's hair, and she says, "I couldn't say no to that strapping young man carrying you like that even if he wasn't asking to sleep over, and after he carried you up to your room, I told my baby she could have her boyfriend sleep over to after we finished watching our movie because that just wouldn't be fair, even if you're both sleeping over there tomorrow."

I can't help it and start laughing, hearing them laugh, and then feel those arms go around my waist. I inhale, see my mom smile looking over my head, and she says, "Well hello there son, did you sleep well?"

I start laughing, hearing my little sister laughing with me, and hear that monotone voice say, "I did. Thank you."

I inhale. Did Huey just say that and not sound embarrassed?

I blink, see my mom's smile get bigger I think, and I say, "I should go brush my teeth."

I move, feel him holding me, and say, "Bestie?" I hear that cute exhale, feel him let go of me, turn around, and walk around him. I start walking back upstairs to the bathroom, hearing that monotone voice asking my mom if he can ask her a question about a case and hearing her say of course he can, her son never needs an appointment, feeling my smile.

* * *

I hear Hiro say, "So you alright with this shit? I means you really ain't want no big shit like they wanted to give your ass?"

I look over at my brother, see him looking at the T.V. with that smirk, and hear him say, "Nah man. I'm good. Ain't need that shit. But we gonna need more pizza."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hear that cursing, look over, and see those four sitting there.

I exhale, seeing those two buns, go down, and see that neck with that necklace, feeling my smirk.

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah. Know why. Just been a shit load last few months. Kinda just need to chill for a minute."

I feel myself nod, see that car going over that cliff, and see it land on top of that boat, feeling my smirk get bigger.

I hear Hiro say, "Wells, yeah, I ain't only alright with this, wanted it to. So, it's cool you said you didn't want that shit, but where the fuck are they? You said you told them 'bout us hanging today even if your ass didn't want a party?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Hiro, see him look at me with that smirk, roll his eyes, and he says, "Yeah, they both ain't that bad, and I don't know, after talking to his ass and him wanting to get all fucken proper, I'm alright with him."

I hear that snicker, shaking my head, and hear my brother say, "Told your ass. He's a'ight and now he ain't so," I hear him stop, look over at him, see him inhale looking at the T.V., hearing the cursing, and he says, "Cin be saying he ain't so fucked up anymore, like he's better."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Caesar say, "Yeah, only took my mind-psych-sister man."

I hear Hiro exhale, hearing my brother and Caesar's cackle, look over at Hiro, and see him snicker, shaking his head.

I hear those steps, look towards the T.V., and see her grabbing that empty cup in front of me. I see that smile, exhale, and see her walk away with that cup towards the kitchen.

Then I hear Caesar say, "So, we still going in two weeks?"

I inhale, looking at where the cup was on the coffee table, the cup that was filled with that tea she made earlier and I know is making more of right now, feeling relaxed, and say, "We emailed the chapter an hour before you all got here telling them now that the arrests happened and there's the investigation on the handling of the case, we need to be careful to not create a protest that will steer public attention from that investigation. We want the investigation to actually be done, have some significance to the overall case against those two, and not give them reason to stop that investigation because of a protest where we're only going to be asking for results to happen faster when those kinds of investigations need to be handled with precision to make sure everyone involved is either punished or at least discredited from office. So, in the email we suggested that we give that bureau the needed time to find out what happened, who was involved, how many covered it up, and let those two fucken murderers go free for more than an hour, and if nothing comes of that, there will be a protest in Baltimore. But for now, based on what two retired contacts from the DA's office and Sarah suggested, we should wait to see what that bureau uncovers before we set up any major protest."

I hear him exhale, hearing the teakettle sound off, and hear him say, "Alright, makes sense. We don't want them focused on us, any protests, when they gotta focus on the police, the first DA, and all those fuckers that covered it up, but I got 'nother question."

I look over at Caesar, see him exhale looking at coffee table, possibly focused, see him look at me, and he says, "You think Jazzy can make me some of that tea and shit?"

I exhale, feeling my smirk, and hear my brother's loud voice say, "Sis!"

I exhale, hearing him yell too damn close to me, hearing their snickers, and hear my brother say, "Make me and Caes one to."

I look over him, annoyed, like she's a fucken maid, see him look at me with that raised eyebrow and smirk, and he says, "Don't be talking shit today McHater. I can ask for whatever the fuck I want and ma sis be cool with it."

I inhale, knowing he's right, see those light jeans, look towards the T.V., and see that cup in front of me. I look up at her, see that smile, holding that cup in her hands, and she says, "Here bestie. It's still hot, so wait a little, and I'll make more tea for everyone okay."

I exhale, grab the cup, and see her mouth, 'Be nice today bestie.' I nod, see her turn, and look down at the cup rather than those hips, feeling relaxed, even after this week.

I inhale, seeing that steam coming from that tea, hearing that game, wondering why I feel this relaxed, and hear my brother say, "How's that shit at work going?"

I exhale and hear Caesar say, "Fool was at school yesterday so he ain't dead and that means it ain't going well."

I exhale longer, nod, and say, "Good damn point."

I hear their cackles, shaking my head with my smirk, taste that tea, that potion we brought back from Chicago, she brought back when she learned how to make this tea from Aunt Cookie, and I put that cup down, leaning back on the couch, and closing my eyes.

I hear my brother say, "He least helping?"

I exhale, hearing her pouring more water into that teakettle, and say, "Enough that it's some help, but usually I have to finish what he doesn't because the idiot always wants to leave right after his break, his fucken break."

I hear their exhales and hear Hiro say, "Let me fucken guess where he be at on his fucken breaks."

I exhale, nod, and hear Caesar say, "But tiny one don't let him see her right?"

I inhale and say, "When she helps in the front so the clerk can take her break she can't leave that desk and has to be cordial to everyone that walks in, including that fucken idiot, but then she'll do things, text me to tell me to drink water or some other reason to add to that text that he was there, whether he saw her, and when he left, I think, more than anything, to just tell me those things, almost like she doesn't want to hide anything from me."

I exhale, hearing the sounds from that game, transaction of money for car parts I believe. Transaction of giving me the truth, telling me about that fucken idiot seeing her when he leaves for his break, and that Jazmine head receiving whatever she believes I give her in return for that truth, and hear Hiro say, "All them books."

I feel my eyebrow rise, open my eyes, look over at him, see him shaking his head, see him exhale, and he says, "That's why you think Jazzy girl text, to tell you the fucken idiot went? Man, you really don't know girls Huey."

I inhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, not seeing a point to this conversation, see him roll his eyes, and he says, "Girls do that shit, text you dumb shit like to drink water, cuz they wanna remind you 'bout their asses, like they think your gonna forget them or some shit."

I exhale and hear Caesar say, "Hiro's right Hu. Girls do that shit cuz they just want you to think 'bout them, nothing else. Man, how do you not know that? And better question, with how fucken stubborn tiny one is, you think she gives a fuck 'bout him or not hiding shit from you? Damn, if I learned anything from my girl is they don't give a shit what they tell us, ain't gonna keep shit from us, just for whatever fucken reason, they think we ain't thinking 'bout them sometimes, and think they gotta send us texts. Jazzy ain't different. And, like them three down there, she ain't dumb, that fucker is, so she probably don't even give a fuck he goes see her, and just wants to text to remind you she exists."

I exhale, looking at that cup, feeling my smirk, and hear my brother say, "Damn McHater, even I knows females more than you. But 'bout work, if it's been like that with that fucker not really helping, if you need help, I ain't doing shit now after school."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, and say, "Riley, you need to be at least fifteen and a half to," and see him exhale looking at me and he says, "I knows McHater. I ain't said shit 'bout getting paid. Just said if you need help I ain't doing shit after school until practice starts."

I inhale and hear Hiro say, "Seriously Riley, when the fuck did you grow up? Fucken talking 'bout helping without getting them stacks? That's way too fucken mature for your ass."

I see my brother exhale, hearing the snickers from those two, see him look over at the T.V., where I can hear the crashing of those cars, and hear him say, "Wells, I can just go help, I 'on't know, maybe one or two days outta the week, days that fucker ain't there. And I knows the shelter does a shit load for some, some I 'on't see on the street no more, got their shit together, cuz Mr. Willis and the shelter helped them, so I 'on't want some fucken asshole that supposed to be helping fucken leaving early, making McHater do some of that old shit he used to do and then the new shit he doing now, and I knows I can do all that old shit. And then McHater and Jazzy and you'll even be doing all that other shit with those posts and helping those families, so I 'on't know, if I can just go help at the shelter days that fucker ain't there to do whatever the fuck he doing, cleaning or whatever, I can do that and I 'on't gotta get paid. If I want paper I'll just do shit on weekends for neighbors or find other shit to do cuz right now can't fucken work anyways cuz gotta be fifteen and a half, get some letter from Grandad, and I think some form from school, so maybe I can start there and shit, working for free at the shelter. I'll just tell Mr. Willis I'll clean or do what McHater wants for free and then later, maybe summer vacation when I can start working for reals, I'll work at the shelter 'til they don't need me no more."

I hear that voice, look over at her, see those jeans hugging those hips, that pink shirt that fits just fine for being in this house and around friends, and see her giving my brother that cup.

I see him grab that cup, hear him thank her, something he started doing recently, thanking most people, because he has grown up some. I exhale, looking at that cup on the coffee table, grab it, taking a drink, feeling that warm liquid going down my throat, warm liquid with a taste my mother taught Aunt Cookie how to make, and Aunt Cookie taught that aware blonde afro how to make. And that tea comes from our mother.

I exhale, nod, and say, "I do need the help. That fucken idiot works for an hour, doing a fraction of the things I ask him to do, takes his break, and then leaves early. But it's hard work Riley, manual labor, and if you're willing to help with it and not get paid and then do whatever jobs you can get on the weekend for extra money, you're going to burn out fast. It's best, if you're willing to help there, that you're paid. The law does state you have to be fifteen and a half, enrolled in high school, give your high school a letter from your legal guardian stating you have permission to work, then get a form from your school that you can only get if your GPA is over a certain number, have it signed by your employer, and only then you can legally work. But, there are exceptions where if you're at least fifteen years old and have economic hardship or your grades or contributions to the school, such as being on a sports team, are outstanding enough, your school could grant you that form, you could take it to Frank, and if they choose to hire you, they could put you on payroll. Of course, as I told Frank before, who they hire and for what positions I will leave up to him, but that is an option for you to help me there, specifically on those days that fucken idiot isn't there, possibly even on days he is there, get paid, and not burn out by having to also work on the weekends to make some money. But, you would have to put the work in by actually talking to Grandad about that letter, talking to the main office at school, and then applying at the shelter like everyone else does. It would actually require work from you to help me there and get paid for it, so I'll leave it up to you."

Then I hear that voice say, "Big brother?"

I look over at her, see her hand that cup to Caesar, and feel my smirk, seeing her take that soda can out of that insignificant pocket in her jeans, put it on the coffee table, and grab the empty can next to it, hearing her say that's for Hiro.

I exhale, shaking my head, look back down at the cup, and take another drink, hearing my brother say, "Thanks McHater."

I nod and hear the doorbell ring. I exhale, knowing to be ready for the headache, see my brother get up, walk over the door, feel my eyebrow rise, hearing him say a few curse words, possibly surprised, and then hear another voice.

I look over at Hiro, see him stand up, seeing the girls running towards the front door, with that tight pink shirt running in that direction as well, and hear Caesar say, "So, that's where the fuck those two were."

I nod, seeing everyone hugging her, and then see those two walk in after her, knowing the night is going to be much longer. I exhale, seeing that pink shirt jumping up and down with that excitement, feeling my smirk, knowing even if the night is much longer, I'm fine with that.

* * *

This is awesome. I see her laugh, see her nod, and she says, "Yeah. Even my little brother didn't know and it was very last minute, and then of course we really didn't know what time we would be here so we didn't want you all waiting and decided to just get here as fast we could."

I smile, seeing her giggle with that blush, and hear Ming say, "Okay, that's all fucken cool, but first question is," I hear her stop, look over at her, see her exhale, and hear her say, "Wow."

I start laughing, hearing my sister and Lauren laughing, and smile at that dark brown and red hair in that cute bun again with those pretty pink, green, and white crystals in that bun, look down, see that deep dark eyeliner, that oval shaped face with that light pink blush on those fluffy cheeks, and that pink shiny lipstick on her heart-shaped lips. I see her giggle and see those pretty crystals shine, look down at them, and see those crystals covering the left shoulder of that u-neck sleeveless white top. Crystals in the same colors as the ones in her bun. But the ones on her dress gather together making flower shapes that come down from that left shoulder to the top part of her chest and then stop where the white top starts with the only design on that top being those four little light gray flowers over the chest in no pattern, kind of like someone thought they would be really pretty there without a pattern and they were right. I exhale, go down, and see those same pretty crystals going around her waist, kind of like a belt, and under those crystals is that A-line light pink silhouette that makes her look like a princess. I exhale. Such a princess.

I hear her laugh, start laughing with them, and exhale, happy.

After we all stop laughing I see Hiroko nod at Ming with that smile and she says, "Thank you. It is a really nice dress. I mean it's actually kind of weird honestly because I never went to dances at my high school because they would bring boys over from the all-boys school in another city, boys we didn't even know, and I just never wanted to be there, so I wouldn't go. I would just stay home throwing pillows at my little brother."

I start laughing with them and hear Hiroko say, "Talking about my little brother getting good grades and switching classes, how was it this week?"

I feel my smile, look over at Lauren with those long layers, exhale, thinking she could be a model one day with how pretty she is. Wait, they could all be models. I shake my head, see Lauren nod and smile at Hiroko, and she says, "It's been okay. I mean it was only that first day I told you was kinda weird with Hiro looking at that jerk when he was introducing himself to the class, saying how he transferred midyear because he's just that smart, he grew up in Chicago, and all the rumors are true."

I start laughing, hearing them laughing, and hear Hiroko say, "As long as he keeps that boy away from you threats are completely okay."

I stop laughing, look at Hiroko, and see those pink shiny lips smirking. Oh my Black Jesus. I exhale, hearing the laughing from my sister and friends, the laughing coming from the guys playing Grand Theft Auto, and feel my smile, knowing mom and pop's are at his house where mom said she's sleeping over to spend time with him, and Grandad is at Ms. Lola's house tonight. So everyone's with family, friends or people that care about them.

Then I hear Ming say, "Okay, so, 'bout that dress that's makes you look a damn princess. Spill the damn beans Hiroki. I need it."

I giggle, see Hiroko nod with her smile, and she says, "Okay, so I wasn't gonna come until after midterms and Edward even came to see me two weeks ago, which was really nice of him. But then this week Edwards's grandfather told him about a big party they had to go to and Edward asked me if I could come so I could go to that party with him. I told him I didn't really have time to drive here this weekend because I have a few assignments due next week but I could try to see him next weekend. He said that was fine and he would wait. But then, this morning Edward shows up at my dorm, tells me he's there to pick me up, drive me here so I can study and take care of my assignments on the way, his grandfather already set up people to take care of my dress and anything I need for tonight and I can even study the whole time and take a break from studying when we go to that party, and tomorrow morning he's gonna drive me back to my school, letting me study on the way there. But."

I see her exhale, see her smile, see her scoop up to us, feeling my eyebrow rise, scoop up closer to her, feeling my little sister under me scooting up, and seeing Ming and Lauren also lean in. Then, I hear Hiroko whisper, "He doesn't know on the drive here, because he was being really quiet and let me study, I finished my assignments, emailed them to my professors, and I finished all my reading assignments while the really quiet dressmaker was taking my measurements, so tonight before he drops me off at the hotel I'm gonna tell him we can spend the whole day tomorrow together, he doesn't have to take me back to school until tomorrow night, and on the way back we can talk the whole way."

I start giggling, hearing the giggling, and hear my sister say, "A'ight we won't tell the homie but he looks fucken happy even if thinks you leaving in the morning."

I look over at the guys, feeling my smile, seeing Ed and Rummy in those white unbuttoned dressy shirts, their black tuxedo pants, and those black socks, with those dressy shiny shoes, ties and vests in the corner of the room. I exhale. I know Rummy likes dressing like that but I think when it's more casual, not so dressed up, and Ed just hates dressing up. And when did Rummy put his bandana back on? And then I see Ed throw the controller, stand up, and start doing some of kind of dance, yelling, "That's right Riley! I am Ed Wuncler the third! Talking shit that I can't play this fucken game just cuz it ain't 'bout blowing up shit!"

I feel my eyebrow rise seeing the screen behind Ed, happy Hiro and Caesar are sitting on right side of the T.V. closer to us girls where they left enough space between them and Ed and Rummy so we can actually see the T.V., and hear Riley say, "If your ass knows how ta play why the police just caught up with your ass Ed?"

Then I see Ed turn back to the T.V., hear him curse, see him sit down, grab the controller again, and hear everyone laughing.

Then I hear Lauren say, "Okay so now we know how you got here, tell us about the party."

I feel my smile, turn around, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Hiroko nod with a pursed smile, almost embarrassed I think, see her exhale, and she says, "So, it was nice. I met a lot of nice people, some that kind of seemed a little." I see her stop, see her exhale, thinking I think, and she says, "I little surprised that I was in college and I was Edward's girlfriend."

I exhale, confused, and say, "Why?"

I see Hiroko look at me, see her mouth open, and then close. I see her shoulders move up and down and she says, "I still don't really know why they would care that I'm in college but what I do know is after meeting some people, asking me those questions, it got really uncomfortable."

I see her look away, see her exhale, and hear a voice say, "It's all dumb shit and it don't matter."

I look over at Ed, see him looking at the game, trying to get away from the police still, hear him exhale, and hear him say, "It ain't none of their damn business if my girl's in school. And it really don't matter who the fuck they be thinking they are. They ain't shit. And that female ain't shit, trying to talk to my ass, telling her 'gain for the fucken tenth time that I ain't wanna know her, that she better leave me the fuck alone cuz I ain't remember lot but I knows it ain't right for her ass to be talking to me without her parents there and shit, and then her ass fucking asking who Hiroko is, acting like she ain't fucken know. Shit! Told her my granddaddy tol' every one of them fucken rich punk ass bitches that she's my girlfriend, and then she fucken yells at my ass."

I feel my eyes open and say, "Wait, you said you told her again that you didn't wanna know her? Are you talking about Ashley?"

I hear him exhale, really annoyed I think, and hear that voice say, "That girl from the mall right?"

I look back at Hiroko, nod, see her exhale, and she says, "Yeah. During the party I was talking to a couple about my school who said they donated to it even if they didn't see a reason for higher education if it's not for business administration, talking to me about their daughter who wants to go to college, and then I heard a girl screaming at Edward."

I see Hiroko exhale, see her close her eyes, not hearing the game anymore I think because it's on pause, see her open her eyes, hearing someone exhale behind me, feeling my smile, see her inhale, and she says, "That girl didn't yell at him, she screamed at him, where I heard it from across that hall, asking him why he would have a girlfriend that has no money and no class, maybe assuming because my family is not part of that circle of people or because she remembered me from the mall that we must not have money. So, after I heard her screaming at him like that I walked up to them, grabbed his hand to take him to the balcony because I knew he needed to go outside and I needed to get him away from her, we started walking towards the balcony, and she started screaming at me."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Hiroko smirk that smirk that kind of reminds of Hiro now that I see it again, and she says, "She said some things to me, I turned around, walked up her, and told her so only she could hear that she needs help, really needs help, and that I had my knives strapped to my thigh because even though everyone else was checked by security walking into that party because I was with Edward I was not checked, and I didn't care what she said about me because she's just misguided but if she screamed at Edward again in front of me I would cut my poor family's name on her stomach, like I did to another girl in high school when she made fun of my father working two jobs to pay for my tuition. She looked angry and scared. Then, I felt Edward pull me away and saw a woman I think is that girl's mom pulling her away. Edward and I walked out onto the balcony, and after making sure he was okay, I called Kathy, told her what happened, and she said she expected no less of me and said she wants to meet Edward whenever we visit because he sounds like a sweetheart."

I feel my mouth open, blink, and can't help but start laughing so hard. Oh my Black Jesus. And I think I hear everyone laughing really hard.

I feel my sister turning hugging my legs with Lauren hugging my shoulder, and hear Ming say, "Damn shit. So the hoe made herself look fucken crazy there. Good shit man."

I exhale, shake my head, and hear my sister say, "That hoe crazy as fuck and I hope Mr. Wuncler don't be letting her go to those fucken parties so you'll don't gotta see that stupid bitch no more."

I nod, look up, and feel my small smile seeing Hiroko looking towards the T.V. where I can hear Ed cursing at the game. Then I hear Lauren say, "I think I'm gonna slap her on Monday."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Lauren, and see her looking down at my sister with that evil smirk. Oh my Black Jesus.

I hear Hiroko say, "Laurie it's fine. I promise she's not the first girl that's said anything about my family not having money only because I did go to a private high school where most girls had a lot of money. And really, that school helped me just know that some people are like that and I can't do anything about it, at least that's what Kathy said, but I can warn them to not bother me, and if I do go to another one of those parties I'll," and hear Ed's voice say, "What you mean if? You 'member my granddaddy said after that shit he wants you there at them parties cuz you can handle business and those parties only be happening every two months so we just fly you out here and you can study on my jet."

I see Hiroko's eyebrow rise, see that smile, that blush, looking at the T.V., and I start giggling with my friends and sister. Then I see Hiroko exhale with that smile, and she says, "Mr. Wuncler did say that and I guess if it's only every two months it won't affect my grades and really I don't want you there with only Rummy because he's busy talking to people and those people are just weird, asking you weird questions they shouldn't be asking, and I would rather be there so you're not alone."

I feel my smile, hearing my sister and friends exhale, and see Hiroko giggle looking down with that blush. Then I hear Lauren say, "Yeah, they sound weird, like didn't you say they even cared about you going to school? I mean, isn't it a good thing that you are in college?"

I see Hiroko look up at Lauren, see her nod, and she says, "It should be a good thing, but the weird part is that they weren't happy or mad or indifferent about it, just kind of surprised. And then even that couple that donated to my school saying they didn't think it was a good idea for their daughter to go to college even if she wanted to go because someone had already proposed to her. Honestly, most of the night was just confusing, and then I stopped thinking about those questions they were asking me after I heard that girl screaming at Edward."

I nod and then hear a voice we haven't really heard a lot say, "I agree with Ed on that being dumb shit."

I look up at the kitchen, see Rummy going through the pizza boxes, and hear him say, "It's one of them rules Ed can't remember cuz it's dumb shit really. Gotta do with their money. They think getting them married fast to one of them from that circle of investors gonna secure their money and shit, so they gotta marry them young, and college means sending those girls away when they're young so it's best they don't let them go, keep them at those parties 'til they find an investor, like those girls are damn accounts and shit, and sickest shit is, from what I seen these years at those parties, those investors like 'em young and dumb."

I feel my mouth. What?

Then I hear Ed say, "Ma road dog's right. One of them things I don't like thinking 'bout is how them punk ass bitches be 'bout that shit. Like we gonna want a dumb one. Never got that shit."

I exhale, lean back on the comfy sofa, feeling safe for some weird reason, feel her hug my leg, feeling my smile, look down at that blonde head, scratching it, and hear her say, "Fucken shit makes sense now."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel her exhale, and say, "Sissy?"

I feel her put that head on my knee, feeling my smile, and hear her say, "That fucker from the nursing home sis."

I feel my eyebrow rise, confused, and say, "Who sis?"

I see her head move, feel her kiss my knee, making me feel happy, feel her put that head back on my knee, and hear her say, "That fucker if I ever see I'ma fuck up that said marry him when you can probably cuz he wants a girl that ain't just pretty but young to and don't wanna go to college, just be married with some fucken asshole like him for his money."

I hear him inhale, look over at him, see him looking at the T.V., and stretch out my hand, putting it on his shoulder. I feel him exhale, feel my smile, and hear Ed say, "The fuck?"

I exhale, look down that that blonde head, scratching it with my other hand, and say, "Don't worry Ed, it's not," and hear him cut me off saying, "Nah ah Jazzy girl. Rummy and me gotta know cuz we almost family."

I feel my smile and hear Hiroko say, "I don't think I know about this either and as 'Iro's sister, who is Riley's best friend, who is your boyfriend's brother, and the many ways we're all kind of related, I think I deserve to know."

I hear the giggling from my sister and friends, feeling that soft skin moving under that shoulder I'm massaging, knowing I'm at least touching him so I'll know if his temperature rises, and say, "Okay, but even though I know everyone else here knows, I want you all to promise me again that you're not gonna show up at the nursing home to kill or shoot or beat or cut anyone because of this, since you all know he doesn't even talk to me anymore. Everyone promise or I won't talk about it."

I hear the really annoyed exhales, start giggling at them, and hear them all promise. I exhale, massaging that tense shoulder, and say, "Okay, so on the last day I worked at the nursing home, before Christmas vacation, one of the visitors…"

I start counting. One, two, three, four, five, and then I hear Ed say, "Huey, I knows where that fucker do business and where he got houses."

I inhale, look over at Ed, and say, "Ed, you promised," and he cuts me off saying, "I did and I ain't doing shit Jazzy girl. This shit's on Huey if he wants to bust some caps cuz that shit's fucken gross Jazzy, not just cuz you like a little sis in too many ways but cuz it's one fucken thing to meet a female at them parties where some of 'em, some that too fucken young, want that shit, but you ain't asking for that. Shit, knowing your ass, you probably there reading books or helping cuz I knows that's why my granddaddy's hair ain't falling out no more. He ain't always thinking 'bout who at that place taking care of some friend he got there. He ain't. Think he's even happier and shit. So, I knows you there helping and doing whatever you doing for his friend, not throwing yourself at that fucken punk ass bitch that I almost killed last time and my granddaddy said he can't fucken talk to me no more. And cuz that little bitch wants to fucken live he don't try talking to me no more but I knows who he is, knows my granddaddy used to talk shit 'bout them, the Harrington's, 'til someone died, think their granddaddy, and now my granddaddy does business with some of 'em but not that fucker who I ain't cool with and I ain't doing business with. Fuck that punk ass bitch. But cuz I did say that shit, that I was gonna bust a cap on him, and I'm trying, fucken trying to not do any dumb shit no more, I'ma stay 'way from him, but I still knows where he do business, where they got houses and shit, and I'ma just let Huey do what we he gotta do."

I feel my mouth open, seeing that serious look on Ed with this raised eyebrow looking at me, and hear Rummy say, "Could help covering your tracks."

I look over Rummy, see him looking over my head at Huey I think, feeling my mouth open more I think, and then hear Hiroko's voice say, "Some people are going to be who they're going to be but we can warn them to not bother us."

I blink. What?

Then I hear them laughing, blink, and exhale. They're not serious. Right?

And I feel that warm shoulder leave my hand, feel that kiss on my head, inhale, look up at him, hearing the game I think start again, hoping they're all just joking, and he says, "Don't think about it too much and just hang out. I'll be back. I'm going to see what's taking that food so long to," and I hear the doorbell ring.

I see him exhale, feel my smile, and I say, "How about we both don't think about that too much and since I know you were a little stressed out listening to that, let my sister and me handle the food."

I see that beautiful eyebrow rise, see him exhale annoyed, and I say, "Bestie, you already stressed about something that doesn't matter and I don't want you getting annoyed to. Let my sister and me take care of the food and you sit."

I see him inhale and he says, "Jazmine," and I cut him off saying, "Huey, please. It's a special day and I don't want you stressed out or annoyed today so let us take care of at least the food and you can maybe, I don't know, relax playing one of the missions that I'm so sure you're gonna pass in half the time anyone else does."

I see him exhale, see that cute smirk, see him take out his wallet, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him hand me money, and I say, "Huey, remember my mom gave us," and I see him inhale and he cuts me off saying, "You don't want me stressed or annoyed, fine. And I work so I can pay for days like this so use this money."

And, I think my heart just melted hearing him say he works for days like this, special days where we spend with our friends, and hear Ed say, "Knew that grouchy mother fucker cared 'bout your black ass! Damn! Now pass this mission for my ass Riley!"

I hear the laughing, feel my sister leave my legs, see those cute pursed lips I'm going to make sure to kiss later, grab the money from him, and I mouth, 'Go play bestie.'

I see him exhale with that cute smirk, see him turn, and walk over to the other end of the couch to wait for his turn to play.

I get up, walk up to my sister, and hear Ming and Lauren talking to Hiroko more about the party I hope and not that jerk from the nursing home. I walk up to the front door, open it, and see him again. I see him exhale and hear my sister say, "You'll busy tonight?"

I see him look over at her, see him smile, and he says, "Yeah, but I told them I wanted to deliver to you all's house just had to wait for them to make the order, then shit of orders came through, had to figure out who's gonna deliver to what house, and I told them I been there longer and I should get to deliver to the houses I wanna deliver to and then they said I could deliver to this area, but yeah, just took a while to get here. Sorry 'bout that."

I feel my smile and say, "Don't worry about it Ronnie. We actually got a delivery earlier I guess before you started working so we already ate but then got hungry again and made another order."

I see him look at me, see him smile, then I see his forehead scrunch, and he says, "Who brought the order?"

I blink, look over at my sister, and see her exhale, probably trying to remember since our friends and her saw that delivery person when they delivered the pizza to our house before we all came over here with the pizza. Then I see her eyes open and she says, "Oh, this guy. Think he said his name was Damon or some shit like that."

I hear Ronnie inhale, look back at him, see him nod, and he says, "Damien."

I hear my sister say, "Yeah that guy. Creepy as fuck to. Kept looking at us when we were paying him, asked him if he was alright, didn't say shit, just kept looking, and then closed door on him."

I see Ronnie nod and he says, "Alright. That's why he wanted to deliver over here cuz everyone at the shop knows you'll order from you'll house and this one. And he is fucken creepy, just started, and I don't like his ass. And I'ma only say this cuz you'll always nice and I don't know, I like you'll, but the girls at shop don't like him, say he kinda scares them, so just, I don't know, if you'll can wait for me to come in try to do that. On the weekend I come in at six so just try to wait until after six to order."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear my sister say, "Don't ever trip homie. We'll try to order after six and shit and we lethal so we probably kill his ass and our mama help us get 'way with that shit."

I see his mouth open, see him start laughing, hearing my sister laughing, and I start laughing. Oh my, and then I feel that heat on my back, and hear that monotone voice say, "Jazmine."

I roll my eyes, see Ronnie exhale, see him give four boxes to my sister, see him turn, and I say, "Ronnie we need to pay you." I see him turn, see him shake his head with his smirk, and he says, "There more boxes in my car, let me get 'em and then you'll pay me."

I exhale, smile, see him turn back, and see him start walking back down to his car. I feel my sister kiss my head, giggle, and hear her light footsteps walking away to the living room.

Then I feel those arms come across my chest and I exhale, looking at the little bit of snow, and say, "Basically he said the guy that delivered the pizza to our house today is really creepy and wanted to deliver the pizza right now again but Ronnie told them he should deliver it because he's worked there longer and then he said we should try to order when he goes in after six because that other guy's just really creepy."

I feel those arms hug me tighter and I say, "Bestie, don't worry. Lots of training, cameras, we're all always with each other, and I like Ronnie because he's nice so I think we'll just order after six okay?"

I feel him exhale, feel that kiss on my head, feeling my cheeks getting warm with happiness I think, and hear him say, "Fine and." I hear him stop, feel him move, that kiss on my neck, knowing I'm so red right now because this is really romantic, and hear him whisper, "When he comes back, I'll take those boxes of grease, and give him all the money."

I feel my eyes open, see Ronnie come up, see him exhale looking up at Huey, and feel those arms leave me. I see that tall boy grab those pizza boxes, hear him thank Ronnie, and see Ronnie nod at him.

I see Huey walk away with the pizza and I walk up to Ronnie. I see him turn to me, see him exhale, give him the money, see his eyebrow rise seeing the money in his hands, and hear him say, "I don't got change and the pizza was only a hundred sixty," and I say, "Ronnie."

I see him look up at me, smile at him, and say, "My boyfriend said the rest is for tip and we'll make sure to order after six okay. Have a goodnight."

I see him exhale with a confused face, see him smirk, and he says, "Tell him I said thanks. And yeah, after six."

I smile, see him turn around, and see him walk away. I close the door and feel those arms around my shoulders with that face on my shoulder. I laugh, grab her arms, and say, "I love you."

I hear her exhale into my shoulder and hear her say, "Love you to sissy. And thanks, you know, for just talking to my ass 'bout it. I still don't know 'bout it but we gonna talk tonight and just see."

I nod and say, "Remember sissy, he's your ride or die, your best friend, and he can wait forever okay?"

I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "True but we ain't waiting for his ass to wanna open presents. Making shit happen now."

I laugh, nod, hearing her giggle, and feel her let go of me. Then, I feel her grab my hand, and feel her pull me into the living room to make Riley open his birthday presents.

* * *

I exhale, feeling that face in my hair, and say, "Did you have fun today?"

I hear that exhale, feeling my smile, and hear him say, "It was fine."

I nod, knowing my bestie. He didn't say, 'That's what you call fun Jazmine' so he must've really liked it. I hope he did.

I close my eyes, feeling the soft covers, open my eyes, and like that squirrel I am I say, "Oh before I forget I wanted to tell you that was such an awesome present bestie. I mean Riley didn't even say anything, just looked at it, I think because he really liked it, but I was confused about why he asked if it was homemade."

I feel him exhale, feeling him move his face in my hair, and hear him say, "Before we moved here."

I hear him inhale, wait those seconds he needs, and then hear him say, "He used to give me homemade gifts whenever this day would come around for me and I would throw them back at him, because they made me think too much of those gifts we would give our parents before they died, and I just thought, possibly, maybe, I."

I hear him stop, feel those arms hug me tighter, and after those seconds, not hearing him say anything, I squirm myself closer into his body, and say, "It's okay bestie, you don't have to tell me, just know it was awesome and I think I even saw him get a little, you know, not emotional just saw his eyes get a little watery, so I know he really liked it. That's all that matters."

I feel him nod, thinking about that cool blue and black Xbox controller that he said is lighter, more sensitive to touch so he doesn't have to press the buttons so hard and will even make moves happen faster, Riley saying he'd never seen that controller at the store, Huey saying that's because he made that one with parts from another Xbox controller and parts he had from his own experiments making weapons so it's the only one that exists that's like that, Riley asking if it was homemade then, and seeing his eyes get a little watery when Huey said it was, almost like Riley was about to cry right before my sister walked up to him, hugged him, and told him to open the next present.

I feel those arms and hear him say, "After they died whenever he made homemade gifts I would throw them back at him, a four year old trying to understand why the closest connection he had to his dead parents would do that, and then stopped giving me gifts all together. I wanted him to know I'm fine with those gifts now, even if chooses to never give me one again."

I exhale, feeling my small smile, and say, "Okay bestie but know even if he never does, I think you're a good older brother, because I watch you two and I know you are. And you're also a really good boyfriend. You're just a really good everything. Remember that and goodnight Huey."

Then I feel that bite on my neck, inhale, and hear him say, "Fine, but you still haven't told me why you wanted to sleep here tonight, even if I hardly care where we sleep since we can just walk over to each other's house if we need anything."

I feel my eyes open, open my mouth, and close it.

Then, after some seconds I hear him say, "Jazmine."

I exhale, remembering it's Huey, and say, "Okay bestie, it's just that, well, kind of, you know, um," and I stop.

Then I feel that hand going under my shirt and say, "Bestie, we already," and hear him say, "This is to make you talk, because I do know how ticklish you are."

I inhale and say, "Huey, you wouldn't."

And I feel that hand go up my side, towards my underarm, my weak spot, feel myself jump, and say, "Okay, okay, okay, I'll tell you."

I feel that hand go back down, blink, trying to remember when he got so playful, and feel that bite on my neck harder, feeling him getting hard, hearing myself moan, and say, "Huey okay, let me think how to say this."

I feel those kisses where he bit I think, swallow, feeling him hug me again, feeling his cock moving a little on my butt, wondering why this feels this good and if it always feels this good, being with someone, or is it just because it's Huey, how much I wanted it to be with him, hoping he wants that with me to, hoping I make him feel like he makes me feel, like how my sister said she feels about her boyfriend, and hear myself, "I think they're having sex tonight."

I feel him stop, seeing that pretty moonlight coming through the curtains of my window, remembering how much I like when he hugs me, how much I like hugging him, and how much I really like him kissing me like this, and then feel him start kissing my shoulder, closing my eyes.

I feel him move his body, I think so I won't feel his cock, and hear him say, "It's fine. I trust he'll only make that move if it's the best for both of them."

I feel my smile, nod, and say, "I love you. Goodnight Huey."

Then I feel that arm leave my waist, open my eyes, feel him move my hair, feeling those lips next to my ear, blink, trying to figure out what he's doing, and hear him whisper, "Jazmine, I want to try something."

I inhale and say, "Um, what bestie?"

I feel those kisses in my ear, feeling his cock move, feeling my eyes glaze over, even if I just tasted him, had those balls in my mouth, feeling those hands on my hair, hearing him say my nickname really loud, probably because there's no one in this house with us, and then having him put those fingers inside of me again, I think leaving marks on my breasts. And, I think I see that moonlight behind the glaze over my eyes, feeling myself stretching my body so I can feel him more, putting my hands behind me, feeling that afro with my hands, those curls only I know he has around my fingers, almost like they have a mind of their own and don't want to let me go. Then, I feel that hand going over my shirt, unbutton those buttons, the ones on this brown shirt, this brown shirt I used the week of the chicken flu so long ago, then he let me use to sleep in the week of Christmas because I ran out of nightshirts at his house, took it home so I could wash it, kept it, used it last night, and washed it this morning because I wanted to use it again tonight no matter where we slept. It's my new favorite nightshirt because it makes me think of Huey, Huey that's done unbuttoning those buttons on this shirt, has his hands on my breasts, hearing me say his name, closing my eyes feeling that cock moving on my butt, hearing him say how much he wants me naked, feeling those hands go down to my black underwear, feeling him get to that tie over my left hip, pull on it, feeling that side of my underwear disappear, that hand going down again, down, to, and I hear myself say, "Fuck Huey."

I feel him move me back, feel the bed on my back, feel that body over me, open my eyes, seeing that auburn color looking down at me, seeing him lick those lips, feeling that hand holding my hands over my head, and hear myself say his name. I see him look up at me, see those pretty eyes blink, see him tilt his head, and hear that deep voice say, "Do you trust me Jazmine?"

I blink, feeling confused, and nod, hearing myself tell him I do.

I see those eyes look down at my body, feeling the shirt open with my underwear only covering my right hip, feeling naked, and feeling myself get even more wet, telling him I want him to take his shirt off. I feel that hand leave my wrists, see him sit up over me, feeling one of his knees between my legs and the other one on my right side. And I feel my mouth open seeing that shirt going over his head, feeling my smirk, licking my lips, hearing him curse I think. I look up at him, see those eyes get to my face, feeling my smile, and I bring down my arms and open them, welcoming him. I see that face come down, feeling him kiss me so hard I know my lips are going to be chapped again in the morning, feeling those kisses going down my chin, my neck, feeling those bites, hearing me say his name, how much I love him, feeling those kisses going down my chest, between my breasts, then further down to my stomach, feeling the bed moving I think, those kisses moving towards the right, then on my right hip, the pull on my right tie feeling it fall away, those kisses moving back over my hip, towards the middle, then towards the left, getting to my left hip. I feel dazed, happy, moaning from that bite on my left hip, those kisses going back to the middle. Then, feeling that afro in my hands, those curls going around my finger, I inhale, feeling those kisses going down, open my mouth, hearing myself say his name, and then moaning from that hand squeezing my left breast, breathing, trying to breathe, feeling those kisses going over that hair I trimmed last week because it's healthy to do it once a month mom said, and then feeling those kisses going over that hair I feel my body move up trying to remember that I'm holding onto that afro.

What's happening? I'm trying to breathe but I can't, feeling those hands on my thighs trying to remember when they left my breasts, if they were ever there, feeling them massaging the inside of my thighs, hearing myself say his name louder than I've ever said anything in my life, and then knowing I yelled something, feeling my stomach move up, those hands on my thighs holding me down, feeling something rough and wet start at the bottom of my vagina and move up. I think I'm breathing because I've done it before, but all I feel is that rough tongue, because it's a tongue Jazmine, it's a tongue going up again and again, feeling that pull on my vagina from those hands pulling those lips apart, feeling that cool air, and then that rough wet tongue going over the inside of those lips, hearing myself say, "Holy shit Huey!"

I think I hear him inhale saying something about how I taste, calling me something, his Nubian queen I think, I don't know. All I feel is that tongue inside of me, those fingers on the sides of my lips, those lips I wanna kiss on him kissing those lips with that tongue inside of me, feeling myself shaking again, telling him I'm coming again and again, and hearing him call me other things I think, maybe calling me baby, but it's Huey and he doesn't say things like 'baby' so I must be imagine it because I have to be imagining him saying I taste better than he dreamed and he's not done with me yet.

* * *

I inhale, feeling that cold on my chest. Why?

Huey?

I open my eyes and inhale, not seeing that broad back I was holding. I blink and exhale seeing that tall boy standing there. But why is he standing there?

I exhale and say, "Huey?"

I see those shoulders move up and hear him say, "Go back to sleep to Jazmine."

I inhale, move the covers off of me, feeling the cold even if I'm wearing shorts and my favorite nightshirt, scoot over swinging my legs over the bed, get up, feeling groggy, and walk up to him.

I put my arms around that waist, feel him exhale, put my head on that broad back, and say, "Why are you up bestie?"

I feel those hands on my arms, feeling my smile, and hear him say, "I needed to go to the restroom, came back, and saw something that wasn't there when I left the room."

I inhale, feeling confused, and say, "Okay. What is it?"

I feel him exhale and hear him say, "Jazmine, I can," and I say, "No Huey, you're not telling me you can do whatever this is by yourself and you're not telling me to go back to sleep because you know I'm not letting you stand here all night with whatever thoughts you're having, so tell me."

I feel him exhale longer I think, feel those hands on my arms get tighter, and hear him say, "Fine, but you're not leaving my sight. Do you understand that?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, nod, feeling him inhale, and hear him say, "There."

I exhale, confused, look up at him, and see him still looking at the window, maybe at something outside.

I inhale, go around that torso, and see a car through the opening of my curtains in front of our neighbor's house, but parked close enough it's almost in front of my window.

I exhale, not knowing that car, but it is dark out there. It's long, like one of those old cars we saw in one of those Christmas movies we watched from the eighties, with that hatchback thing in the back that makes them look like turtles to me. I inhale, knowing I don't know that car, and say, "But why are you worried about that car? Maybe someone parked it and walked into the McCallister's house when you were in the restroom. Come to bed."

I feel him inhale and hear him say, "They're still in there."

I inhale, look over at that car again, and feel my breath get caught in my throat seeing someone in that car move.

I feel that hard body I'm holding move, feel him step behind me, and feel him turn me around, seeing that bright white shirt he likes wearing right now that it's colder at night, because even if he never admits it Huey does get cold sometimes, and he only likes wearing his muscle shirts at night if it's warm enough or if he runs out of those soft cotton white shirts. And I think, even if he really never admits it ever, Huey gets cold sometimes because he's so warm inside, and maybe even feels cold and pain more that other people. And I smile, seeing him walk into me, feeling that shirt on my face, and feeling those arms hug me.

I exhale, hugging him back, and hear him say, "When I came back that car was parked there and I've watched it since, not leaving this room because I'm not leaving you alone, and have yet to see that person or anyone step in or out of that car. There's also no license plate. It looks to be an old Ford wagon. Possibly late seventies. Well kept. Could have come from anywhere, removed the license plate before they drove into this neighborhood so they wouldn't be pulled over on the way here, and has been parked there for two hours."

I inhale and say, "Two hours. Bestie you've been standing here for two hours?"

I feel him exhale, feel him hug me tighter, and hear him say, "Jazmine, compared to certain jobs I've had, standing in one place for two hours is hardly what I would call difficult. What I do find irritating is that because I haven't stopped monitoring them and do not want to leave you alone I can't go through the recordings right now to check if this has happened before and even worse, I can't just go out there to see who it is."

I inhale and say, "Huey no. They could like have a gun or something. We don't even know why they're here. Their car could have broken down, they could even be here to visit our neighbors. We don't know, so just stay here and just, just."

I exhale, hugging him, trying to breathe. What if it is Tom? Tom that wanted to take me away, take me to Utah to do that stuff. Or Mark? Mark that was crazy wanting to kiss me, rape me when he called it 'popping my cherry', and I know mom gets a report from a judge that's been checking on him because he's had trouble with the law in Florida. Or Zack who whenever I see him at school, leaning there, he takes that step up, and then looks up at Huey, and turns around to walk down the hallway. Huey that told me after that fight at school where Zack grabbed me I'm supposed to meet him or Caesar or one of the guys always. We all are. All my friends walk to the cafeteria and to their third period with one of the guys. Even if we can fight, we can, we have weapons, and we can paralyze a man now if we want to. We can do all those things. But, the guys still walk us because they care. They care. He cares. Huey. I inhale, feeling the tears, feel him hugging me, and hear him say, "Everyone's fine Jazmine. Your mother is at Leo's where Caesar and Hiro are, have cameras and an alarm system set up, your sister is twelve seconds away next to my brother who I do trust will take care of her, and you're here," and I inhale and say, "With you, who have trained me in self-defense and how to paralyze a grown man and I'm not gonna let you stand here when I know you're tired from this whole week, need to rest, and I need to take care of you, so we're gonna go downstairs, turn on the lights, open the door to my mom's house, and step outside on my mom's porch where whoever is in that car is going to see us, together, and I don't care who it is, because they're leaving, after they know you're in this house with me, and I'm not scared of them."

I move away, feel him hold me, and hear him say, "Jazmine, I am not," and I say, "Huey, do not do this. It's just some dumb scary person that shouldn't be here because we both know if they've been parked there for two hours they're probably not here for our neighbors that are retired whose family already left back home from visiting for the holidays. So, I know, I do, that person in that car that's parked where they can see through my window if I open it is here for my family and even if I am a little scared I'm not letting them see it. It's called bluffing and it works. So, we're going downstairs and if you want, if you have to have it bestie, I'll let you step out first, but we are going out there together."

I feel him exhale, feel that kiss on my head, feeling him squeeze me so hard I can't breathe, feeling my smile anyways, feel him let go, letting me breathe, and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. You're not going out there in clothes only I should see you in."

I feel my smile, nod, and say, "Okay bestie."

After putting on sweatpants, my robe, and making him put on sweatpants and a sweater, happy I made him start using one of my small drawers for his extra clothes, we walk down the staircase.

I exhale, kiss that back, and say, "I want them to know we're together so you're letting me go out there okay?"

I feel him exhale, hugging that hard torso, and hear him say, "You know the plan. Now that the alarm has been turned off, we step outside, and you stay behind me or I'm pushing you inside the house. Do you understand that?"

I inhale and say, "I do."

Then, I feel him turn in my arms, feel those hands on my face, see those light auburn eyes come down, and feel him kiss me. I feel those kisses, hearing him say he has me now, he loves me, that's enough, and he needs his co-leader to promise to stay behind him. I exhale, putting my hands in that afro, kissing him back, and say, "I'm not going anywhere co-leader okay?"

I feel him kiss me, look up at that worried look, smile at him, and say, "Now let's go bluff."

I see him exhale, smelling that toothpaste I'm going to taste again after this, see him nod, and see him turn back to the front door. I blink, seeing the door open slowly, not having heard him grab the doorknob or even turn it, wondering how stealthy he really is and how many of those jobs he's really done, and hold my breath seeing him open the door just enough for him to step out sideways. I see him take that step out the door, see him stop, and I inhale, knowing he's being stubborn, open the door wider, stepping next to him, and click the button on the new control for the house alarm and lights, closing my eyes from the brightness of all the lights in the house turning on.

Then, I inhale, hearing that car turn on, seeing those headlights turn on, and seeing Huey running towards that car, remembering he said to trust him and if he does anything to stay on the porch so he doesn't worry about me, knowing he's Huey Freeman, crouching like that as he's running towards that car so he can move out of the way if they do have a weapon, and see Huey reach for that door handle, and that car take off so fast all I see is it going down the street away from us.

I inhale, look back at him, run after him, seeing him standing there where the car was parked, reach him, and hug that back, kissing him, asking him if he's okay.

I feel him exhale and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. I'm fine because you did what I asked."

I exhale, nod, and then hear a door open. I look around that torso, see them, feeling my smile, hoping kind of in a weird way, one day, we are living like this. Focus Jazmine.

I start walking towards her, seeing her running to me, start running to her, get to her, and hug her, feeling her hug me, asking me if I'm okay, feeling her shaking saying she heard that car, and was scared she'd never see me again.

I hug her, nod, and say, "I'm fine. I love you sissy."

I feel her hug me tighter and hear Huey and Riley talking, saying we're all sleeping in the same house tonight.

I exhale, feeling those tears on my shoulder, knowing I'm crying because I kind of know who that was. I do. I exhale, feeling the tears, because we both know.

Then I feel that hand on my lower back and hear him say, "Let's set the alarms and go to my house where I have more weapons."

I nod, knowing no one's taking me away from my family without me cutting them.

* * *

I feel those long arms, seeing the sunlight coming through the curtains, and hear her say, "Bestie I want you to go to sleep right after this but I have one question."

I inhale, nod, and hear her say, "Do you have any tests or quizzes on Monday?"

I exhale, confused, tired, and somewhat annoyed, not at her, but at the fact that I didn't have certain weapons on me, like my katana that can slice through tires more than easily, and say, "I don't think so. Why?"

I feel that kiss on my chest and hear her say, "Well, I know you Huey. I know when we wake up later you're gonna wanna go through the recordings to see if that car's been here in the last month maybe, even if I don't think we'll find anything because I know I've never seen that car, and after going through the recordings you're gonna be tired, we're still gonna go through the posts on all the platforms, checking our emails to see if anything's happen with that man's case and getting back to any families that emailed or texted about services or things they need. And by then our Sunday will be done. And this week, this month really, has been difficult, specically for you bestie because you do so much. Not just being a good brother being around all that pizza last night for Riley's birthday, but being just a good person that wants to help so much through AFRO and BRUH, and then everything you do at the shelter, because I know for sure you're not only helping with the scheduling and billing but I know even if you don't tell me that you're also still cleaning sometimes when you don't have time for that. So, you just work a lot Huey, taking care of your family, me, my family, the black community, the shelter. And I'm gonna help you, I am, but first you need to rest, you need it. So, I'm gonna ask my mom if I can stay home from school on Monday, I want you to stay home, I want you to sleep in, and find me in your bed when you wake up because I'm coming over here when my mom drives me over here in her car all the way from across the street okay? And I'm sure my sister and Riley will want to stay home to, specially after waking up right now, and just being tired, so I'm sure my mom will be driving both my sister and me over here before she goes to work. And, if you want, because I know you're too responsible, we can go to the nursing home and shelter in the evening, but that's the only thing I'm letting you do on Monday. That day when you wake up, after we all have breakfast, I want you to read that book on mass incarceration that you bought at the bookstore and you haven't finished because of how busy you've been this month. That's all I want you to do on Monday. Read, eat, have tea with me, and only go to the shelter if you want, no more. Do you understand that?"

I exhale, feeling my smirk, bring her in, seeing that sunlight coming through stronger now, nod, and say, "Work has been straining and most days I'd rather be in the middle of the desert, doing nothing, than be at that institution they call a high school that offers nothing to me, and the only reason I actually show up is to make sure those idiots are warned of their impending doom, and the month has been more than straining for the black community. So, we'll go to sleep now, wake up before noon to speak to your mother, start going through the recordings, talk to Caes about taking control of the platforms just until Tuesday, actually go through the platforms, take care of those emails, and then, we'll shut it off for a day. I expect you here on Monday in my bed before I wake up, I will be making breakfast, not you, and then we'll have a day of reading, eating, doing whatever else that Jazmine head wants, and then well drive over to the nursing home and the shelter, take care of that, and that'll be the only work we'll take care of that day."

I feel that face move over my chest, feel her nod, and hear that muffled voice say, "That'll be the only work bestie."

I exhale, closing my eyes, knowing the alarm system is set up, and feel those hands under my shirt. I inhale, knowing I don't have to tell that aware blonde afro who was in that car because she knows it was that fucken disgusting imbecile, and the only reason I didn't chase after him in Dorothy is because I didn't know if he had anyone here waiting for me to leave her alone, so I stayed with her. And, more than likely, within a few blocks he put that license plate back on that car and drove back in the direction of New York. I feel that heart she's drawing on my back, feeling my eyebrow rise, hearing her humming, feeling my smirk, knowing she knows who it was, she does, and isn't letting that fucken piece of shit take anything else from her, including her focus on the work, the nursing home, even the shelter, taking care of me for whatever Jazmine reasons she has, not knowing because of those Jazmine things she does, even if I am tired, even if I do want that day off from that institution and even the platforms on Monday, because of those Jazmine things she does, that strong humming I'm falling asleep to, because of those things she does, not one part of it feels like work anymore.

* * *

Hi everyone,

It's been like two weeks and I wrote the above in that time. Yeah. Um. 1. Finals are done. 2. I have a bachelor's degree now. Not sure what I'm gonna do with that cuz apparently that's the new high school diploma or at least only secures you from not falling into poverty and that's if you're not a minority. And 3. I'm going back to work on Monday and then will be legit doing nothing but being in quarantine, working from home, and probably typing away.

Yeah, honestly, I gotta say this: I don't know when this story's gonna end. It seems to me like an animal that I let loose and turned into a character-eating plant that sits in a little shop of horrors waiting for the next victim. I don't know, but I love this story enough that I don't plan on some cheap ending of 'And then they get married and have babies and everyone dies.' I think the characters deserve more than that. So, I guess because I've seen other writers do it, saying how many chapters they're gonna write, I just want to apologize and say I don't know how many chapters I'ma be writing for this one particular story but I am sure it's gonna keep character-eating and singing in a deep Levi Stubbs voice. Damn that voice.

Okay too much.

Please let me know how you'll feeling the story, the characters, the growing sexism cuz damn they getting heavy, and anything else.

Thank you,

Bulma's Ego.


	39. Deals, breaks, and pain

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18:

Luv, luv, you make me blush, no joke. And yes, I do await your reviews. And thank you. It's been years of community college, then a university that prides itself on making liberal, anti-capitalist, anti-right, righteous extreme left-thinking radicals (i.e. why Huey is so very understandable to me).

But back to you. Thank you, thank you for reading and having 'feelings' for this story. Yes, I did get to be part of some of those things Huey and Jazzy are doing and know the fulfillment they bring and I hope you look into them, when you can, if you ever can. But first, I hope you like this chapter.

GREENPEACE1990:

Thank you. Legit when I read your review I was like, 'Shit, better get on this to give that person more to read'. So, thank you for that. I do hope you like this chapter. It's long but I think well loved.

Okay, here it is…

CHAPTER 39:

I hear the door open and look up, feeling my smile. I see him start walking up to the desk, see his lips purse looking at me, feeling my eyebrow rise, and see him take those steps faster.

I see him get to the desk, smile at him, and say, "Hi Mr. Ramirez, are you," and he cuts me off saying, "Yes Jazmine, but are you okay?"

I exhale, feeling my smile coming back, thinking maybe all really nice men are worrywarts, and say, "Yes Mr. Ramirez and I promise I did save your phone number in my cell."

I see him exhale, see him smile, and he says, "Good and remember I do keep it on when I know you're here by yourself."

I exhale, smile with my nod, and say, "Yes Mr. Ramirez and I promise to use it if I do feel not so safe but it's not Friday today."

I see his smile maybe get bigger, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him exhale, and he whispers, "I know. This is a surprise for finishing her last review this weekend."

So cute.

I feel my smile, nod, and say, "Okay, well I think she's," and then I hear that voice say, "Leroy?"

I see Mr. Ramirez look behind me, see him exhale with his blush, making me giggle, and hear Monique say, "Why are you here? Did you forget something last ni," and I hear her stop.

I can't help and start laughing, looking down, hear Mr. Ramirez and I think Monique clearing their throats, I think embarrassed, and I sit down in her chair, open my book, and say, "I'm just gonna stay right here and take care of the front desk, just in case you need to take a break Mo."

I hear her light footsteps, feel that kiss on my head, making me smile, and hear her whisper, "Thanks Jazzy. Only half," and I say, "No Mo. I'll be fine, promise. Take an hour okay."

I hear her exhale, see those hands coming around me, feel her hug me from behind, and hear her say, "Okay, but don't you forget we never go far and you have my phone number."

I nod, kiss that arm around my shoulders, feeling her exhale, and feel those arms leave me.

I hear her grab her sweater on the chair I'm sitting on, her purse, and then hear Mr. Ramirez say, "Jazzy?"

I feel my smile, look up, see his eyebrow rise, see him exhale, and he says, "I apologize, it's just that Monique only calls you," and I exhale and say, "Mr. Ramirez, I was waiting for you to start calling me that, and now I can tell you Huey made me save your phone number as one of my favorites okay."

I see him exhale, like he's happy or relieved, see him nod, and he says, "Good. We'll be back."

I smile, nod, and see them turn around, walking towards the front door.

I look back down at my book, feeling so happy that I'm this far already. _By the end of the century, African Americans had deployed a multitude_. I grab Monique's pen and underline that word but I think it just means a lot._ multitude of strategies in the workplace, in their neighborhoods, and in the political arena._ I underline those two words but I think they mean in politics. _arena to protect their personal dignity and the integrity_. Underline that word._ Integrity of their families and communities._

And I hear, "You never answered my proposal." I inhale, close my eyes, open them and keep reading. _But despite effective community mobilizations on many fronts–indeed, because of their effect–blacks were increasingly met with systematic encroachments on their civil and human rights. _

And I hear, "Jazzy?"

I inhale and say, "One, the answer is no. No. It's always gonna be no. Right now, later, always. And two, don't call me that. Now go away."

I exhale and keep reading._ human rights. After washerwomen's strikes, black women continued their direct protests. In response to official indifference toward police brutality, they retaliated in the streets. _

And I hear, "Jazzy, just think about this. I can take care of you, regardless of your current circumstances I can," I inhale, looking at my book, and cut him off saying, "Mr. Harrington look, please just listen, I don't want you to take care of me, I really don't, and you don't know me, you don't know my circumstances, you don't know my mom is an attorney, and she'll," and hear him say, "Sarah Dubois."

I inhale, look up, see him with that dark hair that makes me think of one of those magazines I see some girls at school reading, those blue eyes I know he got from Mrs. Harrington, that skin and face that makes me feel self-conscious about the acne scars I have even if my friends still say they can't see them, and exhale, wondering, feeling really, really confused.

Then I remember what he said, feel my eyes get big, and say, "How do you know who my mom is?"

I see him smile, those perfect teeth reminding me of Derek a little, see him exhale, and he says, "You haven't spoken to me directly in two months."

I exhale, confused, and say, "You were disrespectful Mr. Harrington, of course I wasn't gonna speak to you."

I see him inhale, see his forehead scrunch, and he says, "I only offered to take care of you so long as you committed yourself to marrying me at a later time, hopefully as soon as you turned eighteen, and even said I would consider not seeing other women if you were my wife. It is a proposition. One I would assume a girl that spends as much time reading and speaks as well as you do already would understand. There is nothing disrespectful about a proposition. And so, I do not understand why you would feel it to be disrespectful, enough to throw a book at me. And to answer your question, when I am interested in anything, specifically as much as I have been and continue to be in you, I find out what is necessary in order to acquire what it is I desire, including any obstacles I could have in obtaining what I want, such as your mother who I understand is an attorney. But I'm positive if I spoke to her and informed her of my proposal, seeing as I'm sure she would want to secure a future for you, she would oblige any request I have…"

I exhale and close my eyes. After this weekend, everything that happened, how much fun it was, how scary it felt for a few seconds, and then how hard my mom hugged me yesterday when we told her, and Huey told her he didn't go after him because he didn't want to leave me, and how hard my mom hugged us both, then grabbed my sister and Riley, and hugged us all, crying, saying she was so happy we were all there, her babies. And then how she got on the phone with Lieutenant Saunders telling him everything and then him saying the police could only do something if they stopped him for doing something bad or illegal when he was driving, like speeding, asked for his ID and then, if he was in our county, they could arrest him. So, even if we would've called the police when we knew it was him, they wouldn't have been able to stop him if he did put that license plate on that car and was driving safe. I open my eyes, hearing him talk, feeling my small smile, remembering my mom saying she wanted Huey and Riley to add more security to our house, anything, because we're not leaving, moving from our house because of him, and next time that car's there we're calling the police and if Lieutenant Saunders isn't at the precinct we're going to tell the police whose house that is and they need to get there in two minutes or whoever is in that car will get hurt.

I hear him say, "Jazzy?"

I inhale and say, "Mr. Harrington, look," I see him inhale, see him tilt his head, and say, "Everything you said right now doesn't make sense. You're saying that wasn't disrespectful but it was, thinking a girl wants that, to be taken care of, specially if you know my mom is an attorney who's really smart and works really hard, so that means I'm gonna want to work hard to and not want to be taken care of. And I don't know, one of my friends this weekend said that some people are just the way they are and we can't change them, and she's really smart so I think she's right. So maybe you don't think that was disrespectful because of the people you know, people that think it's okay for a girl to not go to college and just want to be taken care of, so I won't hold that against you. You're the way you are because you're like that, fine, but you were and are being disrespectful to me and how my mom is raising my sister and me, by thinking I want to be taken care of by anyone, so stop it. And stop finding out things about me because that's just not right. If you have questions, I will answer them, and only the questions I wanna answer. Yes, my mom is an attorney, a really hard working attorney, and I know she would never be okay with a man that's way older than me asking me to commit myself to marrying him just so I can have a secure future. I have a future, one that I'm working hard at right now, even if it's never secure, so stop asking me to throw that away because that's what you're asking. You're asking me to stop thinking about college and all the things I wanna do because I should just be happy with committing myself to marrying someone. That is really disrespectful and hurtful. It is. So stop it. Let me be comfortable being here, without you talking to me about this stuff. And I don't know, look for another person. You say girls want that, a secure future, so if that's the truth there's gonna be lots of girls that will say yes to your proposal, but not me. So look for them and stop asking me, please."

I exhale, feeling a little relieved.

I see him blink and I look back down at my book and keep reading. _Initially, their physical resistance exasperated authorities unable to control their spontaneously organized eruptions. _Underline all three words._ eruptions. But the consequences of impudence_. Underline that word._ impudence become more hazardous. Political disenfranchisement, vigilante violence, and de jure segregation_. Underline those three words and remember to ask mom._ de jure segregation intensified in the 1890s and began to tip the scales of justice decidedly in favor of._

And I hear him say, "I apologize."

I inhale, look up, see him blink with his head still tilted, see him exhale, and he says, "I've yet to meet a girl your age or older that hasn't pursued me for financial aspirations and to be frankly honest I have met many, many women, many beautiful women, some as beautiful as you, but none that also had your personality, one that, like I said before, and I hope you know I do not mean to be disrespectful when I say this, a personality that would make it so I want to go home, actually converse with my partner knowing they would grasp what we're discussing. This of course comes after having experience with potential partners, options that had little interest in actually knowing about my day. But you, I believe you would actually find it interesting as you do other topics, seeing how intensely you read your books. And so."

I see him stop, feeling my eyebrow rise, trying to keep up and at the same time remember where I left off in my book.

I see him exhale, see him purse his lips, inhale, and he says, "I understand that's not what you want, to be taken care of, possibly to feel constrained to a proposal at such a young age, and it's also possible I have hurt my chances with you by informing you of my intention to see other women even after I marry, but I want to make you aware of a few things and then you can continue ignoring me if you wish. One is that if I were to marry you, I would not see other women, have other options, because it would not be necessary. The reason for that is that I would possibly look forward to coming home to you and hearing you tell me about whatever schooling you're pursuing, what books you're reading, knowing everything in our house would be taken care of by my family's wealth and you could pursue those aspirations you have. The second is that I'm aware of the control I have in relationships because of my wealth, the control I have in when I should marry, whereas women, girls, do not have that say, because of wanting to become mothers as soon as possible or because they feel their youthfulness will wane and so must marry young. But know, if in the next three years, which will be before I turn thirty years-old, you do choose to marry, start a family, want to be taken care of, there is a good chance I will not be married yet. I simply do not see myself being married with any of the young women I've met, other than you, and so, I would."

I see him stop, see him exhale, scrunch his forehead looking almost mad, and he says, "Be highly appreciative if you looked for me. And the third and last thing I will say is that even if I haven't seen my grandmother in several weeks, when I did speak to her she would mention you constantly, how well you service her in the ways you do, not because it's part of your work here but because you simply want to service her, as I see you do with others. You're a nice girl, beautiful beyond what you recognize, which is why you possibly said I should simply look for someone else thinking I'm going to find a girl that's just as or more beautiful than you, willing to accept my proposal, not considering the fact that there aren't many girls, even women, that are more beautiful than you that I would be willing to converse with about my day, who's also a nice girl that even my grandmother firmly approves of, and so."

I see him stop, hear the door open I think, see him inhale, and he says, "I apologize for having made you feel disrespected if I did, that was not my intention but more so the only way I'm accustomed to speaking to women, in the matter or proposals, arrangements, agreements. I'm not accustomed to speaking to a girl that isn't trying to pursue me for my wealth, has schooling aspirations, interests in those books you like to read, has pursuits outside of being taken care of, could have felt offended, hurt, by being made to feel that that's all you were worth. And I truly did not say those things to make you feel uncomfortable, specifically when you're here servicing my grandmother, and even far less wanting you to stop being as nice as you are with everyone with me, ignoring me as you have been. So again, I apologize for making you feel as I did, and hope my continuing to try to see to my grandmother will not upset you."

I know my mouth is open. I know that. I close my mouth and hear someone say my name.

I blink, look over at the door, and see Cairo looking at Mr. Harrington I think.

I exhale, remembering Cairo, how we met, see how he's looking at Mr. Harrington, and I roll my eyes.

I look back at Mr. Harrington, see him nod at me, looking almost sad, and see him turn around.

I inhale and I say, "Mr. Harrington."

I see him stop, see him turn around again, look at me, see him exhale tilting his head again, trying to remember when guys started doing that, and say, "Thank you for apologizing. I'm not gonna change my mind in three or ten years. I know what I want. Do you understand that sir?"

I see him inhale, see him exhale, and nod still looking sad, and say, "And I don't like ignoring people, I don't. It makes me feel bad, like I could be helping them have a better day but I'm not, and I don't like that. There's already too many bad people and," and I exhale, thinking about how good today felt, how much fun we had, reading, relaxing, eating, drinking tea, watching Riley and my sister playing with the Xbox and then playing with them. I want to laugh at how much fun it was seeing Huey playing with Riley on the Xbox. How I saw that cute smirk on him when he would beat Riley on finishing missions and how much Riley didn't act as competitive with Huey as he does with other people, probably really happy with us just staying home and playing with his older brother. Playing with his older brother, his brother that wants to help the black community, black and brown people, and the oppressed people of the world.

I blink, seeing those blue eyes he got from Mrs. Harrington looking at me, and say, "I know you've been here since before I got here. I'm making coffee right now for the residents. Would you like me to make you a cup?"

I see him exhale, see him smile, I think actually smile for real, see him nod, and he says, "That would be good as I am tired. No sugar please. Jazmine."

I nod and say, "Okay."

I see him turn around and I get up, turn around to go the kitchen thinking maybe a cup for me would be good to, and hear a voice say, "Jazmine."

I feel my eyes open, look back, and say, "Hi Cairo. I'm sorry. Do you want a cup to? I know you're probably tired from school and working."

I see him smirk, see him nod, and say, "Okay, you have a sweet tooth don't you? So lots of sugar for you?"

I see his mouth open and see that confused look.

I giggle, see him exhale with that confused look, and say, "Cairo, I see you eating candy at lunch all the time. How much sugar do you want?"

I see his mouth open, see him smile, and he says, "Don't know. Add whatever you'll wanna add."

I roll my eyes and say, "Okay, I know your break is only for fifteen minutes so I'll hurry. Be right back."

* * *

I step out, close the door, walk around the car, up the staircase, and open the door.

I feel my eyebrows lower seeing him sitting there holding that newspaper and I look towards the front.

I see the clerk look up, see her smile, nod at her, and she says, "She saw you parking and said she wanted to get something from the kitchen. I'm sure she'll be out in less than a minute."

I nod and say, "It's fine. I can wait."

I see her smirk and she says, "I know. She told me you two took the day off today, which I think was a great idea, especially because you both needed to rest with everything you both do, but because you're so responsible and came to work even on a day you were resting I was able to take my break, so thank you Huey."

I exhale, feel my smirk, and say, "You welcome, but it," and hear that voice say, "He won't say it but he's the reason we came to work and the reason I have a ride home."

I exhale and feel my smirk possibly get bigger seeing that small bun she has right now, remembering she puts her hair up in that bun when she comes here because she's here to work, not knowing she doesn't need her hair down to look beautiful.

And then I see that sealed cup in her hand, feeling my eyebrow rise, see her put it down on the desk, hug the clerk, Monique, and hear her possibly whisper something to her.

Then I see her bend down, hear her open the desk drawer, grab that small bag that could possibly fit only a pepper spray and a cellphone, wondering why women carry those things knowing they can't possibly carry an actual weapon in there, see her grab that book she's almost halfway through that kids our age would never consider reading because it's assigned for college students, see her grab that cup, and walk up to me.

I see those eyes look up at me, inhale, and say, "Where's your jacket?"

I see that fine eyebrow rise, see that smile, and she says, "I'm leaving it in Mo's desk bestie so I can have an extra one here and I'm not cold with my sweater and we're in Dorothy so I'm not gonna get cold on the way home. Let's go."

I exhale, nod, and inhale, seeing her come up. I feel that peck, see her smile, and hear her whisper, "I'll explain on the way home okay?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her turn to my left, and hear her say, "Have a goodnight Mr. Harrington."

I inhale, hear him respond, see that face look back at me, and see her mouth, 'Trust me Huey, please.'

I exhale, grab that hand, turn around, and start walking back to the door, thinking about how damn forgiving my babe is. I shake my head from frivolous nicknames I've only called her once, knowing we're talking on the way home.

* * *

I exhale longer and hear her say, "So that's why I decided to give him one more chance to be nice to me. Now drink bestie."

I look down at that sealed cup with that open hole to drink from it and say, "Jazmine, what," and hear her exhale and cut me off with, "Bestie, I know no matter what I say you're gonna stress out so please, please, for your Jazzy that belongs to you, take a sip."

I exhale, grab the cup, and take that sip, inhaling that smell, taking a gulp next, and hear her exhale.

I bring the cup down, feel her take it out of my hand, hearing her put it in the cupholder, and hear her say, "First, even if it's not exactly the same taste, it's close. I found the ingredients in Ms. Katherine's personal tea stuff that she told me I could go through if I want to, grabbed one of the to-go cups, and I made it for you because I knew that no matter what you were gonna be stressed out from the shelter because I saw Cairo leaving early again."

I exhale and say, "Jazmine, it's fine."

I hear her inhale, feeling my smirk, and hear her say, "Bestie, it's not. He's supposed to be there until seven and he's not. And I know with Frank leaving so much stuff for you to do now you really don't have time to clean anything but you still do. And I don't know, I was kind of hoping with me giving him coffee he would try a little more today, but your hands are still a little dry so that means he left early without finishing everything he's supposed to be helping you with, then you cleaned as fast and as much as you could without gloves again, and he has no excuse because he could've helped after that coffee but still."

I exhale and ask, "Coffee?"

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "When he came again for his break I gave him coffee so maybe he wouldn't feel tired and he would want to stay to help you more, but I guess he still didn't."

I shake my head, smelling that tea, and hear her say, "Here bestie."

I nod, keeping my eyes on the road, grab the cup I can see under me, take that gulp, feeling somewhat more relaxed, and give her the cup back.

I see the streets changing into those with larger houses, remembering how much Grandad paid for just half the mortgage, cashing out his entire retirement, how long he worked to gather that money, and say, "Jazmine, don't feel the need to offer that idiot coffee or anything in order to help me. He's either going to work or he isn't."

I hear the click of something opening, see that small hand reach up, touch the back of my hand, and feel that cool ointment, feeling her rub it on both my hands, and I exhale. That ointment, my father bandaging me, my mother's voice, and hear her say, "Huey, you can't stop me. I'm gonna try to help you in any way I can okay, even if it's only giving someone that's supposed to be helping you coffee so he can wanna work. And really, I think Cairo knows now that I carry at least two of my knives always, a pepper spray, my cell with phone numbers for you, my family, really nice school security guards, not just as speed dial but as my favorites, and is the only reason I feel okay with talking to Mr. Harrington and Cairo…"

And I exhale, annoyed, feeling those soft fingers leaving my hands, and hear her say, "What's wrong Huey? Why are your hands getting warm?"

I make that left, pulling into the driveway, turn off the car, take off my seatbelt, turn to that face, move in, and kiss her.

I feel her push back, feeling her push that tongue into my mouth, and I move away, biting that lip, hearing her moan my name.

I exhale, letting go of that lip, going down, kissing that small chin, and say, "Why must you make me remind you so often?"

I hear her inhale and hear her say, "Huey I was just being nice to them and Mr. Harrington apologized and Cairo's helping you so," and I go up, biting that lip again, hearing her say my name like that. I unbuckle her seatbelt, moving it to the edge of her seat, and pull that lever, hearing her say, "Huey, what are you," and push those shoulders back onto the lowered seatback, hearing the garage door close.

I see those greens look up at me, bright in this dark garage with only a dim light from a light bulb in the far corner I installed so there is always at least minimal light in here for Grandad, see those eyelids lower, and hear that voice say, "I love you, I want to, but you don't have to remind me who I belong to okay?"

I exhale, go down to that face, tasting those lips, kissing that face she says belongs to me, even if I know, I do, how the world works and don't care anymore, and say, "But I get to ask for things today, it's still technically our day off, I trust more today, and you taste like my favorite fruit Jazzy, everywhere."

I hear her inhale, feel those hands on my face, feel her move me up, see those greens, and feel her kiss me harder, enough I feel myself twitch.

I feel those hands going down to my shoulders, going around them, hugging me, letting me bring my hands down to her waist, feeling those kisses on my face, and hear her say, "Then sleep over because it's Monday night, we didn't go to school so we don't have homework, Caes and Mimi are taking care of the platforms, Riley, my sister, you and me can all play on the Xbox again in my house before we go to sleep, and it's kind of a thing now that you and Riley sleep over at least once during the week. And then, in my bed, I can put your balls in my mouth, feeling you holding on to my hair as hard as you want, and then, if you want, you can have your favorite fruit."

Fuck. I squeeze that waist, pushing it down, kissing that mouth, feeling myself getting hard, trying to relax, and say, "I want all of that."

* * *

I exhale and hear him say, "Yeah. Same old shit with that case with those racist fucken Nazi groups talking shit on Facebook but that's it. And something new 'bout that black lady from Kansas. One that used to be a man. Transgender black that got killed last year. Now they're saying that two cops fucked her up few months before she was killed. They've investigation that shit."

I nod, looking through the platforms. Nothing new other than the one about that woman. I exhale and say, "The less, regardless of the other problems we have, the better."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "That's the only important shit that happened yesterday."

I nod and say, "Anything unimportant?"

I hear their snickers, look up, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him shake his head, and he says, "Yeah man, but that's my brother's shit to talk 'bout."

I look over at Hiro, see him exhale shaking his head looking down at that table, hearing my brother's snickers turn into complete cackles, and hear Hiro say, "Yeah. That crazy ass girl found my ass between classes."

I see him look up towards that table, see him exhale, and he says, "Offered my ass night she said I ain't gonna forget if I told my sister to leave Ed."

I feel my other eyebrow rise and hear a voice say, "I'ma fuck you up hoe! The fuck's your problem!"

I look up at that line and see those hips and her friends trying to possibly stop her sister from walking over to that girl. I hear the exhale, look over at him, and see my brother get up and start walking over to them.

I exhale and hear Hiro say, "Ain't a big fucken deal. Knew that shit's gonna happen with her losing out on some new fucken toy, but it ain't like they fucken getting married, just seeing each other, so I don't even know why she tripping."

I exhale, hearing Caesar exhale to, see Hiro look at each one of us with his eyebrow raised, and he says, "What?"

I shake my head, look back down at my phone, keep scrolling, and hear Caesar say, "Yeah you probably seen more than all us put together and you know girls, but you ain't know your sister man."

I nod, hear him exhale, and hear him say, "What you mean? Fucken almost raised my ass cuz our folks were always fucken working. What you mean I don't know her?"

I exhale, seeing that notification, open my emails, and hear Caesar say, "Look Hiro, you my brother, you know that, and that's why I'ma tell you this shit alright? Hiroko looks happy, even fucken cursing some this weekend. Shit, I ain't hear her curse like that since before that shit."

I hear him inhale, look over at Hiro, see him nod looking at the table, and hear Caesar say, "So, I'm just saying, not cuz of Ed, he's cool, I like him, Rummy to, they're cool as fuck, but they're Riley's homies, not mine, but Hiroko's the one I care 'bout, she my sister, even if not by blood, she is. And, cuz of that I watched her, before and after that shit, how fucken quiet she got after that happen, stopped cursing like us, I don't know, maybe thinking if she's quiet people won't see her, won't get picked outta the crowd, you know what I'm saying?"

I exhale, see Hiro nod looking at the table, and hear Caesar say, "So, cuz of that, just how she got after that shit happen, even with your ass teaching her how to handle knives, she still got kinda, I don't know, quiet, too quiet, but I knew why, so I didn't say shit. But this weekend she wasn't quiet, shit, even talked shit at some rich party to that girl, and then was talking like that, telling our girls that it's cool to talk shit, warn people, and then I swear when she was playing GTA with the girls I heard her curse like she used to, you know, like back in the day. And, I know, I know your ass don't wanna hear it, I know you don't, but after I heard her curse like that I swear I saw her and Ed go to the dining room to fucken talk, bullshit fucken talk."

I see Hiro look at him, roll his eyes, feeling my smirk, see him exhale, and he says, "I knows man, I knows. So what you trying to say? That just cuz she's alright talking shit at fucken rich parties, swears some now, she's happy, and cuz Ed's cool with all that shit, not just the shit she went through but her showing her Chi-Town side, he's gonna fucken marry her?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, look back at that fucken email, and hear Hiro say, "Fuck," followed by Caesar's cackling, feeling my smirk.

Then I exhale, closing my eyes. Those pictures. It's fine. I open my eyes, delete the email, and go back to the last website I was on.

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "What you wanna do 'bout it?"

I exhale and say, "Not a damn thing."

I hear Caesar snicker and hear Hiro say, "The fuck?"

I exhale, looking at that website I was looking at before seeing that email and say, "Ericka."

I hear him exhale and hear Caesar say, "Yeah. Guess she saw those pictures the girls put on that Facebook account they made this weekend, saw what they all look like and emailed talking shit and saying she definitely ain't working with no mix girl."

I could go threaten him. I could. Tonight.

I hear Hiro say, "Shit. That's right. That account they made for their group between them five that's connected to that Facebook account the organizations have. Shit. You'll cool with that? Don't you need her for protests and shit?"

I inhale and say, "No."

I hear their cackles, feeling my smirk, looking at that address, and hear Caesar say, "Hu's right brother. Don't need her ass. We gots the chapter there that'll pass out flyers for us if we ask and Waldo can organize the sister's to, better than her ass sometimes cuz they don't like how she ain't cool with how some of them got Latinos and Asians in their family, fucken talking shit to older black ladies when she finds out they let their kids date people that ain't black. So, this might actually be fucken better. Yeah, some sisters think like she does and will follow her ass but last time this shit happened one of the reasons her ass came back to us was cuz those sisters that followed her to those other organizations were coming back to, saying she's too fucken controlling with their asses, telling them how to help, not letting them try to help how they wanna help. So, they'll come back to, one by one, like last time, and if she don't come back, we'll figure it out."

I exhale, nod, planning. I hear Hiro say, "I know one time was cuz of your ex but why she leave the other time?"

I inhale, exhale, knowing I'll be there in less than five hours. That's too fucken close to here.

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah. That first time it was cuz of crazy ass Chantel not being black and second time was cuz she thought Hu was seeing that other crazy ass girl."

I exhale, knowing I'll have to tell her or she'll know and worry. Fuck.

I hear Hiro say, "Oh shit that's right. Remember now. It was cuz of that girl emailing your asses cuz Huey didn't go that year and she was fucken stalking him, but she's black though."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Her excuse was that she has money."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Damn. So it ain't even 'bout being black. She just fucken obsessed with both you'll?"

I nod, trying to figure it out, looking at that map, how I can manage getting there, parking, threatening him, more than threatening him, all within several hours, and then leaving. This Friday night could work.

I hear their cackles, shake my head, and hear Caesar say, "Don't be talking shit brother, she was into your ass for a minute and I remember your ass had some other fucken crazy ass ones after you. Shit, damn sure one of the reasons you'll moved, not just cuz Hiroko was going to college and wasn't gonna be at that girl's high school no more and you wanting to get away from all the shit there, was cuz you had some fucken crazy girls stalking your ass to."

I feel my smirk, look up at Hiro, see him exhale, see him nod, and hear him say, "Yeah, wells, never cared if Ericka was into my ass. It ain't that she wasn't alright, she was, but I knew her ass was into both you'll and I don't like stepping in when that's happening, and I had other ones that were calling and I wanted to see what was up with them. But yeah, after my sister was done with that school we could move and there were some girls that didn't know when it was fucken over, it was over. Gave them more than one chance to know I wasn't like their ex and still they didn't trust my ass, fucken checking on me like they expected to find me fucking half the school. Damn, fuck that. Had one even going through my phone once, fucken pissed that my sister had texted me. Told her we were fucken done that day. Shit. That girl was one of the reasons my folks and I took off man."

I shake my head, hearing their cackling, and hear, "Talking 'bout crazy ass ex's, I think I'ma change my number."

I exhale, look over at him, and say, "Caes."

I see him look at me, see him exhale, shake his head, and he says, "Nah Hu. This morning I got pictures of her tats."

I inhale, remembering Caesar at one time saying he was more than happy his ex-girlfriend had tattoos.

I see him nod and hear Hiro say, "Damn brother. Only cuz my homie did some of those on her I know. Fuck. She sending you those pictures now?"

I see Caesar look at him, see him nod, and he says, "Yeah and I'm just happy Ming has some shit against getting them, think it's cuz of the way she was raised, she just not into them, and I told her this morning I like that. I mean I'm cool with them, some of them are fucken nice, artistic, but I don't know, I kinda like that she ain't got any, don't really know why. I know I liked them on other girls but I think it's cuz they kinda needed them, like I could, I don't know, focus on that tat on their arm, and not on what they were saying. I know that's fucked up, but it's the truth."

I look back down at my phone, at that address, and hear Hiro say, "Nah, I get it. I do. I like 'em but I seen some fucked up ones, specially on girls cuz they won't say shit to whoever's inking them, telling them to fix it or cover it up cuz the one they did was ugly as fuck. And I've met girls, some I saw later, at my homie's studio going to him to fix that fucked up tattoo cuz the asshole that put it on wanted more money and extra shit on the side from her to fix it."

I inhale, look up at Hiro, see him looking down at the table, and he says, "Yeah. We don't gotta go through that but girls do, when fucken assholes want some ass on the side to fix their work. That's the reason I told my sister if she ever wanted one she'd only get one with me there at my homie's studio, but then she said she might wanna be something professional later and she didn't wanna worry 'bout covering it up all the fucken time. So, she never got one. But then there's."

I see him stop, see him smirk, and he says, "There's something 'bout a girl that got a clear body, like a nice canvas, no marks, nothing, just clear, like she knows she don't need it, even if she don't say it, she knows she don't need anything on her body for it to be perfect. So when my girl asked me if I was cool with her not wanting tats I told her why the fuck would I want any on her."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at that line, and feel my smirk, seeing her walking towards me. Those hips with a mark on each side, a mark I left, the only marks anywhere on that body after those marks on her shoulder disappeared weeks ago. And I inhale, seeing the reason for those fucken marks on that shoulder talking to her. I see her politely asking him what the fuck does he need and see him respond that he wanted to thank her for that coffee.

I hear my brother and her sister sit down at the table, talking about the many females at this school they both do not like, and feel my smirk seeing that polite afro say she needs to get back to her friends because lunch is almost over but she'll see him in class. I see him nod and see him say she shouldn't be talking to that fucken white guy at the nursing home. I crack my neck, stand up, start walking to them, and see that girl grab that fucken idiot's shoulder, and see him turn. I take those steps, reach them, and I grab that soft hand. I pull her and feel her start walking with me.

I exhale, feel her move up, feeling those fingers drawing in my palm, and feel my temperature coming down, trying to figure out when fucken idiots started not fearing me. Fuck.

I get to table, turn back to her, pull her in, and see that face come up. I feel that peck on my chin and hear her whisper, "Thank you for saving me from telling him he shouldn't be telling me who I can and cannot talk to. I'll make you tea later at the nursing home okay?"

I exhale, nod, see that smile, and see her turn, and slide onto the seat under the table.

I look up and see that fucken idiot walking away with that girl that keeps putting those notes on Jazmine's desk, the reason Jazmine thinks that idiot is nice now, because he throws those notes away, and see her telling him that other girl said she won't bother them anymore and they can start dating.

I feel that soft hand grab my own, look over at her, see her smirk, and see her mouth, 'Sit bestie so I can touch you.'

I feel my smirk, sit down, sliding in, and feel that hand on my jeans. I exhale, feeling relaxed again, grab my book, and continue reading, knowing I was doing something else before I got up, some research on my phone, but I want to focus on my book for a few minutes.

Then I hear Caesar say, "So you really okay tiny one?"

I inhale, close my book, grab my phone to plan how to get to that fucken address this Friday night, and see that hand grab my hand and push it down, feeling my exhale.

I hear her say, "I am. I promise. Yes, it was scary but only because it was at night. And after that last thing that happened, you know, months ago, there really isn't anything scarier than that. And I'm a lot better now, so much that after that happened I knew I just wanted us all to have a day off, we did, my mom said there's nothing we can do right now but maybe add more security to the house, and I just want you all to be you guys, and make my sister laugh because she was really scared that night."

I exhale, let go of my phone, bring my arm over that head, around her shoulders, feeling her lean in, and hear my brother say, "You right and that's why we going to the game. You'll coming?"

I feel my smirk, hearing them all agree, feeling that giggle under me, knowing even if I know where that woman lives in New York, at that fucken address, the one I want to drive to on Friday night to do more than threaten him, where I know he's staying because that's where he's making most of his phone calls from, she wouldn't want me to go because that Jazmine head wants me here with her.

I bring her in further into my body, feel her exhale, hearing the talking, knowing she's happy for her own Jazmine reasons, and hear her whisper, "No one's taking me away from my family and friends without me cutting them bestie."

I exhale, kiss that strawberry smelling head, feeling her exhale again, hearing possibly some students fall over, not caring as long as I'm content, feeling that hand on my stomach, and know with as stubborn as she is, she's right. But I'm still walking her to class and not letting her out of my sight, no matter how stubborn she is.

* * *

He's so stubborn, but I love it. I see that afro nod, throw him a kiss, seeing that cute blush on him, and see him turn around, walking out of my class towards his class, hearing my teacher laughing, feeling my cheeks getting warm.

I shake my head to get rid of the redness and sit down. I should get ready. I take out my notebook, the color pens I use for all my classes because they're awesome color pens, hear the chair in front of me move, and say, "Lena you're," and hear a voice cut me off saying, "Jazmine."

I exhale, close my eyes, and say, "Luis, go away, I don't care, I have lots of weapons, and I'll use them all."

I hear him exhale and then hear a voice say, "Luis, I think we had his conversation. That's not your assigned seat."

I hear him inhale, look up at him, squinting my eyes at him looking at me like that, like I'm the reason my friend doesn't want to be with him, doesn't want to even look at him, never looks at him, and he has no chance with her, see him get up, and walk away.

I exhale, look over at her, and smile at Ms. Hoffman. I see her smirk and see her turn back to the students that are walking in.

Then I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Brought my cute yellow purse today."

I look over at her, see her sitting down in that seat, exhale, and start laughing, hearing Lena laughing with me.

I lean over, hug her, and say, "You're the best. He sat here and I told him I'd use all my weapons before Ms. Hoffman told him to not be dumb."

I hear her giggle, feel her hug me, and hear her say, "He is and don't think about that dumbass, I'm here, and I really did bring my purse. It's in my backpack."

I start laughing, moving my face over those braids I hope I can have one day, and say, "Okay, we'll just make sure to bring it on Friday."

I feel her inhale, feel her hug me tighter, and hear her whisper, "So you really coming? You don't have to Jazzy. I mean, I know this weekend was," and I move away, hold her shoulders, see that worried look on her, and say, "Lena, no. We're going okay. All of us already said we are. And it's the first game, really important. So afterwards, if you want, let's go eat somewhere, have fun okay, not letting dumb people make us feel bad because you said they don't matter."

I see her smile, see her exhale, nod, and she says, "You ain't lying Jazzy and you're wearing the colors cuz I have to."

I laugh, nod, and say, "Yes."

* * *

I smile, looking up at those new stars, and say, "I love you."

I feel that arm come over my chest, feel my smile get bigger, and hear her say into my shoulder, "Me to sissy. Don't you ever fucken leave me."

I exhale, feeling my eyes getting watery, hearing her sniffle, nod, and say, "I'm not gonna leave you, I'm not. We have too many things to do, like getting back to those posts about other teams that do have more black girls in their teams, color, like you want, and you need to help me respond to them this weekend okay?"

I feel her nod, feel her hug me closer, and say, "And we also have things we wanna talk about, things we were too tired yesterday to talk about."

I feel her stop moving, feel my smirk, and hear her say, "Um, yeah, 'bout that."

I giggle, kiss that arm over my chest, and say, "Only if you want sis. I just wanna make sure you, you know, only did things you wanted to."

I feel her exhale and close my eyes, feeling my little sister next to me, younger than me by three months, the prettiest, strongest, most talented sister I could ever asked for. And, the girl I've only seen cry because of horrible people she lived with, her ride or die feeling bad, or for me. I put my hands on those arms, and say, "I love you. Night sissy."

I exhale, thinking about those new sticky stars we put up tonight, those stars, those stars in my happy place, that warm sand, those tall wide pyramids, and that wind that smells like coconut tonight, coconut my little sister smells like. I hope we all go to Africa one day, all of us, and hear her say, "We had sex."

I inhale, open my eyes, exhale, and nod.

I feel her exhale and hear her say, "He loves me."

I feel my smile and hear her say, "That boy fucken loves me."

I exhale, happy, and hear her say, "Yeah, did hurt a lot, but cuz, I think, he makes me feel like he don't just like me, don't just make him feel good, but he fucken loves my ass even if I know, I knows people would say we too young and shit, it don't matter. I mean I've known him for five, shit, six years, and I know him, know he talks a lot but he feels a shit more, like that night when we talked 'bout the present he got from McHater. He fucken cried with me."

I exhale, nod, and hear her say, "Held his ass, let him cry, saying he, you know, missed them, ain't never gonna have 'em, those parentals, he ain't never gonna have them. I mean he loves our mama, I know, but it ain't the same, and I knows our mama will help make him feel better, telling his ass she proud of him, sees his talent and she ain't talking 'bout his balling, but his other talents, talents we know. But still, he cried, and then."

I feel her exhale, feel her move, feeling that arm leave me, and I turn to look at her.

I see those pretty blue eyes looking up at the ceiling, see her blink, see that smile, and hear her say, "He kissed me, so much it fucken hurt cuz I knew he was trying to not think 'bout 'em, telling my ass over and over that he just wanned to think 'bout me, even if it was his birthday, he just wanned to kiss me, make me feel good, and then I told him I was ready, that I wanned to have sex."

I see her exhale, see her smirk, and hear her say, "Then that boy told my ass we ain't having sex cuz that's different. He known me too long for that shit. And I'm different, always been. And cuz of that, it wasn't gonna be sex. And by the time he finished telling me all that shit, he was kissing me and touching me again like he knows I like and then he made me finish, and."

I see her inhale, exhale, looking at those stars I think or maybe remembering, and hear her say, "And then, he asked me for sure, for reals, cuz he could wait, maybe for my birthday or later, cuz he don't care cuz he's Young Reezy and he's a man, a real one, where he never made no girl do shit she didn't wanna do and wasn't gonna start with my ass, cuz he's better than that. And I was different and he'd wait cuz he's already waited a while. Told me after he started liking me, he waited to be with me cuz he only wanned to do it when we were both ready and knew I just needed time cuz of shit at that fucked up house, just needed time, didn't wanna push me to even ask me out and shit, and only did it when he knew if he didn't move in some fucken asshole was gonna ask me out, not knowing some guys and girls already been asking me out but I didn't do much even with girls cuz I wasn't ready, but."

I see her inhale, see her smirk, and hear her say, "But he said he moved in cuz he knew I was different, special, could handle him, and even knew 'bout the dumb shit he did, not all of it, but most shit, and I'm alright with it, and then even knew 'bout that fucked up family that I don't care 'bout cuz I just want him to be happy and I'ma keep trying to make him happy, he just gotta keep talking to me and shit. So, cuz of all that, he said he knew he fucken loved me, that there ain't no better ride or die for him, and that's why he wanned to give my ass time to be ready, and if I wasn't ready now, he'd wait."

I see that smirk turn into that cute evil smirk and hear her say, "And after he said that shit I jumped on him and told his ass to put on a condom cuz I ain't on no birth control yet. He told me to hold up, laid me back down on that bed, went to his drawer, open that box, saw him put it on, knowing, fucken knowing I'd seen him with no clothes before but all of a sudden I fucken got scared not knowing if it was really gonna hurt but then."

I see her exhale, see her smile at those stars, and hear her say, "He came back to me, think he saw I was a little scared, and started playing with me again 'til I forgot what fucken house we were in, and then I felt it."

I see her stop, see her exhale, see her blink, and hear her say, "He kissed me and I felt it, like mom said, kinda a push, pain, and then."

I see her inhale, see her blink, see her exhale with that smile, and hear her say, "Then, I felt different, like I never felt before, almost like I'd grown up. But, I think, it was cuz it was him, I could hear him, trying to go slow and shit cuz he knew it was my first time, was hurting me a little, and I think he was going slow to cuz it was kinda painful for him. But still, cuz it was him, saying those things to me, that he loved me, that he thought 'bout me even before we got together, and he don't care how young we are, he's gonna take care of me like I take care of him, and then."

I see her exhale, see those eyes open looking at the ceiling, see her smile get bigger, and hear her say, "And then he said it shouldn't feel that good and he wasn't gonna last."

I see her start giggling, see her exhale with that pretty smile, and hear her say, "And then I felt it, me finishing, and told him I was 'bout to finish, and he."

I see that eyebrow rise, see her mouth open, almost surprised, looking at that ceiling, and hear her say, "He kept going 'til I finished, felt him finish, actually fucken felt that shit, even wearing a fucken condom, and then, he kept kissing me in different spots."

I see her exhale, see her inhale, see that small smile, those pretty eyes shining, and hear her whisper, "Boy was right. We didn't have sex cuz that's different. I mean, I don't know what sex is. I don't. And for reals, I don't wanna know. What I want is what we got, what we do. All of that. And it ain't sex. It's different. Shit, I think, nah, I know, my first time felt like making love and I'ma listen to our mama and only have sex with a person I'm in a relationship with, actually be with them, cuz I want it to feel like that, natural and good, like I'm the prettiest girl, fucken the most beautiful girl he ever seen, knowing that boy's watched 'nough gangster movies and videos you being fucken pretty is a damn 'complishment, but then he tells you, you ain't just pretty, you more, and then he wants to be fucken right 'bout that, using a condom and asking me so many damn times before just to make sure I really wanned it, and then him not caring 'bout the fucken mess, just came back from the bathroom and everything was clean so I could just lay down and rest and shit, telling my ass to take some shit for the pain first. And just how good it felt, like I wanned it again, cuz of how he was acting, all fucken sweet and shit, but I knew I needed to rest, and I don't know, maybe we do it again this weekend."

I know my mouth open. I know it is. I see her look at me, see her smile at me with that blush on her cheeks, and see her turn, feeling her hug me, hearing her laughing into my shoulder.

I exhale, laughing with her, hugging her, and say, "So you guys didn't do it again last night when they slept over?"

I feel her move her head side to side with her laugh and hear her say, "Nah. Asked him but he said I still need to rest and shit so we just did other stuff."

I feel my smile, nod, and say, "I'm so happy for you sis."

I feel her exhale, feel her nod, and hear that small voice say, "If that shit happens again Jazzy boo, sissy, what happen later that night, please, please, just, please."

I feel those tears, hug her, and say, "Yes, I promise. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

I feel her exhale, feel her hug me, and feel her body shaking, hearing her say, "You don't get it sissy, you don't, he, I heard, I did, all that shit he said, he's fucken crazy, 'nough I'll cut him, I will, if he ever gets close to you, I will."

I exhale, hug her, and say, "He won't sissy because I'm always with you or Huey or Riley or mom. All of you. And now, hopefully, he'll know Huey sleeps here with me."

I feel her exhale, feeling the shaking stop, feel her nod, and hear her say, "Okay sissy, hopefully, I 'on't know, it makes him not think of you ever again and just lets us have you cuz you my everything."

I exhale, nod, and say, "And you're my everything."

I put my face in that hair, feeling her hug me tighter now, happy, because I know at least right now, everything, everything is perfect, and Black Jesus is watching.

* * *

I smile, not believing this. This is awesome.

I see her turn around, see her smirk at me, look back at the class, and she says, "I understand this is not an author most of you have heard of, even less likely read any of her work, as she is a contemporary author, a historian, one that writes about a time that most of your classes have not delved into but I assure you in college you will be reading more of her work, which is one of the reasons I want to introduce you to her work now. So, I will have you read one of the chapters in her first book and," and I hear the groans and roll my eyes. Seriously? It's just one chapter.

I see her exhale and she says, "The fact that I have only had you read excerpts and not complete chapters or entire books is something I hoped would help to expand the list of authors you're introduced to this year and not be taken as the standard for all reading assignments, which is the response I'm getting right now."

I look down at my notebook to write the chapter and reread it tonight and hear a voice say, "But does everyone have to read it because we know some in here already read that book and it isn't fair if they don't have to read it just because they already read it."

I exhale, trying to figure out if maybe I can start tonight. I'm going to be too tired. Maybe tomorrow in the morning.

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Well Michelle, I'm not sure how fairness plays into that since everyone would have to read the one chapter I'm assigning in order to participate in class and complete the assignment, so I would assume there is no way for someone to not read the chapter, specifically because I will be asking questions that will require a thorough read on your part and that means everyone I'm sure will be reading the chapter in order to complete the assignment. But."

I feel my smile, thinking about tonight, and hear Ms. Reed say, "Since you did remind me of the fact that some students in this class have read this book, which I do appreciate because I do see a great difference in group activities when there are students that are familiar with the reading material, would anyone that has read this book or at least a portion of it raise their hand?"

I think I can maybe read it at the nursing home. I raise my hand. Oh my god Jazmine, you're not going to be at the nursing home today because, and I hear a voice say, "Jazmine?"

I blink, look up, feeling my hand come down, and say, "Yes Ms. Reed?"

I see her smile, remembering her saying last week how Huey and me remind her of her husband and her when they met, feeling my smile, and she says, "Can you tell us a little about the book?"

I feel my smile get bigger and say, "What part? Like all of it?"

I hear the snickers, some people calling me such a nerd, feeling my cheeks getting warm not because I'm embarrassed but because I know who I am, see Ms. Reed's smile get bigger, and she says, "Anything, whether you liked it or not, any difficulties you found with it, anything at all."

I nod, feeling my knee moving up and down, trying to not be excited but I am, and say, "Yes Ms. Reed. I started reading it months ago and it's taken me a while to finish it because it's actually kind of hard to read because some of the words the author uses, a lot of words, I have to look up, but I did see she uses a lot of the same hard words over and over and when I memorized what they meant it was easier and faster to read. I even got through a whole chapter this week and now I'm on chapter six, but I did really like the chapter you assigned because it talks about where in Atlanta black and white people lived, how they lived in separate neighborhoods, and how black people couldn't go to some places, like the nicer parks or shopping streets, and just how they fought back by going anyways."

I see her inhale, see her nod, looking kind of serious, and then I feel my eyes get big and like the squirrel I am I say, "Oh and in that chapter the author also talked about all those awesome schools, the ones that are historically black colleges that I didn't know about."

I see her mouth open, see her smile, and she says, "Yes, I believe she mentions several, including Morehouse that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. attended."

I blink, remembering when I was looking at those schools so we can visit them, and say, "Isn't that school one that only men can go to?"

I see her smirk and she says, "You did your research and yes it is. It's my husband's college, a historically black college, and about ten minutes away from Georgia State."

I feel my mouth open, thinking maybe her husband went there because he wanted to, because it's just a great school and she went to a college close by to stay close to him. I see her smile get bigger, feeling myself get happy for some weird reason, see her look back at the class, and she says, "So as you all can see, there will be new information for you to soak in, not just the historical accuracy of the author's work, the research she put into finding the information for this book, piecing together primary documents, diaries, newspaper, census data, municipal records, personal letters, interviews, photographs, and more, but this book, if any of you choose to pick up, will show you just how black women, African Americans, people with history, Americans that have yet to tell their own story because not enough are in colleges, universities, being heard through doctorial work, thesis, have their own history and one we can all learn from. It's books like this one that show us the strength and ingenuity that people can muster from nothing, when they have nothing to muster it from, and still, they figure out how they will feed their children, clothe them, live the best way they can under all circumstances. And you might even find, I hope, possible colleges, universities, trade schools to attend after you graduate, as I expect each one of you as I have since I started teaching at this school ten years ago, to come back to this school and tell me about your experience in college and life. And I say this because I truly believe if college and life is not about the experience of it and going back to at least one high school teacher, even if just by mail, to tell them what that life has been, then what is it all for?"

I feel like crying I'm so happy I'm in this class. And then I hear the sniffles, look down, grab it out of my pocket, look to my right, see that guy, and say, "Marvin can you pass this down please?"

I see him look at me, see his mouth open, maybe blush, feeling my eyebrow rise, see him nod, and feel him take it out of my hand.

I look back down at my notebook and start writing everything Ms. Reed just said, hearing the sniffles knowing Mackenzie is wiping her tears with Ming's pretty handkerchief now, and hear Ms. Reed say, "I didn't mean to make anyone feel any sort of way but I do admit that might have been over the top so I might have to give you all another day off today. So group activity with the same rules as last time."

I hear the class exhale and some of them thanking Mackenzie, feeling my small smile, hoping she comes over here.

* * *

I ask, "So, how's it been?"

I see her smile and she says, "It's been great. I should've," and I hear another voice cut her off saying, "Mackenzie."

I see Mackenzie look over at Adah, see her laugh, nod, and she says, "Okay, okay."

I see her turn back to me and she says, "Sorry, I have to stop saying things I should've done, like going there last semester. Yeah, it's been great. Been there every day this week and I just can't believe how cool it is to actually be sitting there, eating, and hanging out. And everyone there's so nice and doesn't care if I'm not officially in the club. So, thanks for asking."

I nod, feeling so much better for her, and hear Adah say, "Even read some passages."

I see Mackenzie blush looking at Adah, I think embarrassed, making me laugh, and she says, "I did, just two today, but I was wondering if everything's okay."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Adah, see her small smile, and she says, "Everything's okay. Don't worry about that."

And I hear Johnny say, "It is."

I look over at Johnny, see him mark the paper, and pass it back to me.

I take it and say, "Okay, well whatever it is I'm sure you all can figure it out."

I see that box and make my 'x'.

Then I hear Adah say, "Well I'm not allowed to figure it out."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at her, see her looking at Johnny, and hear him exhale.

I look over at him, see him looking at my paper, and I pass the paper back to him, thinking he might be wanting to focus on it right now.

I see him inhale looking at the paper and he says, "I talked to him and I'll do it again."

Okay. So confused.

I feel that hand, look over at Adah, see her roll her eyes, that small smile with that blush, and she says, "So basically today someone in the club asked me if I could hang out with them later today, just as friends. I said thank you but no because I would be hanging out with my boyfriend. Then they asked me if I knew their family was also Jewish. I told them I kind of did because I take attendance of everyone at the club when they come in so I see everyone's first and last name and I kind of knew his family must be Jewish with that last name but I wasn't sure. Then he said we had a lot things in common and he wanted to talk to me last semester and then after he said that it just got, weird."

I feel my eyebrow rise, know my mouth is open, shake my head, and say, "What happened after that?"

I hear Mackenzie say, "I was there."

I look over at her, see her exhale, and she says, "I mean he said the truth, that Adah's really nice, and then Johnny walked into the room."

I look over at Johnny, see him inhale, looking down at the paper, see him mark it, and he says, "I asked him if there was anything I could help him with since we were supposed to be taking a break so whoever wanted could get drinks or food from the cafeteria and he said no, that he was talking to Adah and didn't need my help."

I see him exhale, see a hand grab his hand, and hear Adah say, "Then I said that everyone needed to calm down and we should get back to the readings because that's why we were there, not for anything else."

I see him inhale and see him move the paper back to me with his other hand. I look down at the paper, see his line in those zero's and see that he won, feeling my smirk.

I hear him say, "I wanted to punch him in the face."

I look up, feeling my eyes get big, and hear a voice say, "Should'a."

I look over at Cairo, see him looking at the table, and say, "Cairo, that's not," and hear Adah say, "That's not something I want my boyfriend doing. I don't want him getting in trouble because of some guy that I know has looked at me, I know. I mean just because I don't look at him doesn't mean I don't know it. It's kind of something that's there but I don't pay attention to it because it doesn't matter. I'm there to learn about the bible, that's it, so," and hear Johnny say, "He's in your math class."

I look back at Johnny, see him still looking down at the table, focused I think, hear Adah exhale, and hear her say, "He is, but we don't sit close, I never talk to him, and now I always get to leave early because my teacher knows I'm in the club and I wanna get there early to set up, so even if he did want to talk to me this semester, he can't. And really I don't want you getting in trouble. I mean, not just because it would make your dad sad but because I like."

I hear Adah stop, look over at her, seeing her get red, making me giggle, see her smile at Johnny, and she says, "I know that a lot of guys at this school think they have to be like that, you know, mean and not respectful of couples, and I just don't get it. Girls don't like that. I mean, we just want a nice guy that wants to introduce us to their family, even if it's just a really nice dad and a puppy that likes licking our face and running around our legs because she knows we always have a treat for her, a guy that tells us to show up to their club only if we want to, even saying we can just do our homework there or we can hang out after school with each other's parents because family means a lot to us. And we don't want a guy, a boyfriend that's not gonna be here in school with us because he's in trouble after hitting a guy that doesn't matter, and really, we like that when we tell them to calm down they do because they know to trust us because we care about them, about not making their dad sad, and we like Dani because she has the best puppy tail in the."

And I start laughing with Mackenzie, seeing Johnny kiss Adah, in the middle of class, hearing some girls curse I think. I guess he is really cute.

And I hear the door open and hear that voice say, "Seriously?"

I look up, see her at the door, and hear the door slam behind her. And then I hear Ms. Reed say, "Michelle, is everything," and see Michelle cut her off saying, "Ms. Reed, you're seriously not gonna do anything! They were kissing in class!"

I exhale and roll my eyes. It was just a peck. It was cute to.

I hear an exhale and hear Ms. Reed say, "Michelle, as far as I'm concerned I didn't catch what you're saying and would appreciate if you did not raise your voice at me ever again because that's insulting. Now take your seat."

I see Michelle close her eyes, see her exhale, open her eyes, and start walking over to us.

I exhale. I guess that's the end of the fun part of class.

I look down, feel my forehead scrunch, and say, "Johnny where's the game?"

I hear them snicker and I think other students laugh. I start giggling and see him put the paper in front of me. I see the game, thinking. I want to win the next one.

Then I hear that chair move, hear the exhales in our group, and hear Cairo say, "So that what girls want and shit? What you said?"

I look up to my left, see him looking at Adah, and hear Adah say, "Well, I can only say that for me and my friends, girls I know, that most of us want that stuff, just a nice guy, but I know some of my friends do like other things. I mean some of my friends really like guys that are super smart or funny or are into sports because that kind of makes them fun people to hang out with, or just have hobbies. But some of my friends don't want any of those things, just a guy that's a good friend first, if we're lucky, really lucky, a guy we've known for a long time, and we know treats girls nicely and respects them. So, it just depends on which one of my friends I'm thinking about. I just know what I want in a guy and I know I'm just really lucky."

I hear an exhale and hear a voice, "You are."

I look over at Mackenzie, see her looking down at Johnny's desk, and she says, "I feel like all the nice guys at this school have a girlfriend." I see her exhale and she says, "I mean, just a nice guy that likes me, and is okay with me being at home with my family and seeing my nana on Saturdays, and a guy that's just."

I see her look up at me, see her smile, and she says, "It's just weird because even though I like the color of my eyes, that they do look like my nana's eyes, after I stopped using my blue contacts guys kind of stopped talking to me as much. I don't know."

I hear that voice say, "Told you."

I hear the inhales, see Mackenzie's eyes get a little watery, wondering why Michelle's sitting here when Mackenzie doesn't even talk to her anymore, and say, "Mackenzie, they're chocolate brown so that means when people look at them they're always gonna think of hot cocoa or milk chocolate or just chocolate, how good it is no matter if it gives us acne, because chocolate's the best and it's okay if we just need to have a piece of chocolate every two days, just a bite, because there's nothing like chocolate, no matter how much he says it's not healthy, because that candy drawer in his kitchen is mine even if Riley thinks it belongs to him to and we're always arguing about who gets to have the last piece of that Hershey bar and I have to remind him if he doesn't let me have it I'll stop taking care of his braids and then he backs off because it's my chocolate and Hershey's little cute milk chocolate pieces are the best thing in the world."

I think I'm getting some chocolate after school.

And then I hear them laughing, start laughing with them, and hear Adah say, "That makes your birthday present really easy."

I look over at her, see her doing something on her phone, and she says, "Yeah, I'm putting this in my notepad right now."

I laugh and hear Cairo say, "It coming up?"

I feel my small smile, look down at that paper, put my 'x', move the paper back to Johnny, and say, "It's not important. What is important is." I look up at Mackenzie, see her small smile, those eyes, and say, "Is knowing because they're your grandma's eyes, how nice she is, how much you like her eyes and other people liked her eyes, they're perfect, even if other people don't think they are, and one of my friends told me once we need to stay away from people that don't make us feel pretty and smart because they don't make us happy, and just stick with the people that do make us feel like that, even if it's just friends for now and with how nice you are I know there's gonna be a really nice guy that likes your chocolate brown eyes that are making me wanna buy a Hershey bar after school and eat it before I get home so he doesn't tell me it's unhealthy and his brother doesn't fight me over it."

And I see Mackenzie start laughing, hearing Johnny and Adah laughing, and look back down at the paper Johnny moved over to me, feeling my smile.

Then I hear Cairo say, "They ain't got chocolate at the nursing home?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him looking at me, and say, "No, they do."

I see him exhale, confused I think, and he says, "Then why you gotta buy chocolate if," and hear her cut him off saying "Cairo."

I look back down at that paper, see the game, and hear Cairo say, "Jazmine?"

I inhale, mark my 'x', hearing Michelle trying to talk to him, and hear a voice say, "Michelle, why don't you stop?"

I look up at Mackenzie, hearing the inhales I think outside of our group, and hear Michelle say, "Stop what Mackenzie? I'm not the one that's talking to them when you didn't say anything before, just ate with us when we would talk about them, but now you're better than that and can even tell me what to do?"

I inhale, see Mackenzie inhale looking at Johnny's desk, and say, "Michelle," and hear Mackenzie say, "No Jazmine, let me."

I see Mackenzie look up at Michelle and see her bring her hand up on the table, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing her hand in that fist.

I see Mackenzie exhale and she says, "Michelle, we were friends for a long time but I'm not like you, I don't just cut people off and make friends easy when I can get something from them, I just can't, it doesn't feel like a friendship. But, you did help me a little last year when my papa died and at least you would pick up the phone sometimes so I'm not gonna cut you off. If you still wanna be my friend I'll be your friend but not if I have to sit there and listen to you talk about other people that don't care that you don't like them. And yes, I did sit there before, but I didn't like it, I just couldn't leave because if I did you wouldn't talk me for days, so I," and I hear Michelle say, "Mackenzie, I don't," and hear Adah cut her off saying, "Then leave Michelle, leave this group and please go to another group or let Mackenzie finish."

I see Michelle turn to Adah and she says, "I don't care what you say Adah, you already took Johnny and you're even in our club when you're not even," and I close my eyes, exhale, and say, "Michelle shut up."

I hear the inhales, open my eyes, see her looking at me, wondering if people just don't ever expect that out of me just because I don't like cursing, seeing those mad greenish brown eyes looking at me, that red hair, knowing she insulted my mom's hips when she said I had a fat ass, and say, "Mackenzie and Adah are too nice, I think nicer than me, to tell you to stop talking when someone's trying to tell you something important, but remember they're both my friends, even if I just started talking to Mackenzie, they're both still my friends, and if you don't stop talking and let her finish I will finally repay you for last semester when you grabbed me after I told you to not ever touch me. So, decide. Let Mackenzie finish or we finally settle it."

I see her inhale, see her look away, hoping she remembers that lunch fight even if I don't remember fighting her, see her exhale, and see her nod, looking really mad.

Then I hear Mackenzie say, "Thanks Jazmine. So I'm just gonna tell you Michelle that even though I don't think you'll ever be my friend again only because I don't want you talking about people around me, I want to be in the Christian club where Adah reads and you never show up to, I wanna tell you it's okay if you don't like that I like my brown eyes that make me look too plain, and I'm gonna keep having friends that are not part of that table, but I'll be here for you if you wanna talk because you did help me when we were friends, but we stopped being friends months ago so."

I look over at Mackenzie, see her exhale, and she says, "So, I guess it really isn't my place to tell you anything anymore, even to stop doing things where you're just hurting yourself, but I am gonna say, only because I don't like this feeling, this guilty feeling, that I think the reason you took so long in the restroom right now is because you were texting Ashley, after I got you her phone number last month, because I think tonight you two are gonna try to do something to Jazmine and her," and I feel my eyes open seeing it in slow motion, seeing that hand come up, dropping my pen, leaning forward, stretching my arm out, seeing only that hand with those nails, and putting my right hand around that wrist.

I hear the inhales, some curse words, and her cursing at me.

I hear Ms. Reed's voice, see those brownish green eyes looking at me, exhale, and say, "You're pathetic Michelle, trying to slap a girl that's not even prepared, a girl that used to be your friend, and whatever you and Ashley are planning tonight, know that we're still gonna go, all of us, because we're not scared of you, so plan it, but when I let go of your hand, if I see it come up again, I'll grab it again, twist it sideways, and I won't break it, but you'll scream. And that's not a threat, it's a promise."

I hear Ms. Reed tell me to let go and I let go of that wrist, hearing some students talking, and then hear them telling Ms. Reed what just happened.

I see Michelle turn to Ms. Reed, hear her start telling Ms. Reed the other students are lying, and then I hear some of those other students whispering that Mackenzie used to be her friend and calling Michelle names for almost slapping her.

I hear her inhale, look over at Ms. Reed, see her looking at Michelle, and she says, "No more Michelle. I'm no longer allowing you to act out like this, not in my class. Please grab your things and go to the main office. I'll call them to let them know you should be there in five minutes and are suspended from class for the remainder of this period and only, only because you didn't actually hit Mackenzie because Jazmine tried protecting her and inadvertently stopped you from possibly being suspended, I will not report this, but this is the last time. This has all gone too far. Now grab your things."

I hear that inhale, look back at her, see her open her mouth, and hear Ms. Reed say, "And remember Michelle, no matter how angry you are right now, anything you say directly to me that offends me I will have to report to the office, which could lead to that suspension, so please be careful speaking right now and just follow instructions."

I see Michelle exhale, see her get up, walk around Ms. Reed, go back to her desk, grab her things, and walk out of class, slamming the door behind her.

I think I hear the whole class exhale and hear Ms. Reed ask Mackenzie to go to her desk to talk.

I look over at her, see Mackenzie nod, and see her get up and walk over to Ms. Reed's desk talking to her, hearing Ms. Reed ask her if she's okay, feeling my small smile.

Then I hear Cairo say, "Jazmine, don't fucken go tonight."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him looking at his phone, and say, "Cairo, thank you for caring but I'll," and see him take a long inhale, looking almost mad at his phone, and he says, "And I gotta fucken work tonight."

I exhale and say, "Cairo, I'll be fine. You need to focus on," and see him look over at me with lowered eyebrows. And inhale seeing him focus on me, see him look away, and hear him say, "It's cool. I'll figure that shit out."

What?

Then I hear the bell ring and feel her hug me. I exhale, turning to her, hugging her back, and hear Adah say, "Jazzy, you sure about going? We can tell you how it," and I exhale, and say, "Adie, yes, don't worry. I promise I'll be fine. No matter what they do they will never be scarier than anything I've been through and they're all just dumb, and I really wanna go, so you just make sure to come say hi to us if you see us okay?"

I feel her exhale, feel her nod, and hear her say, "Okay, but do me a big favor and don't leave your overprotective boyfriend's side please?"

I feel my smile and nod. I feel her let go of me, see her smile, and see her grab Johnny's hand.

Then I feel my eyebrow rise seeing Johnny stop Adah, turn to me, letting go of her hand, grab that paper we were using for the game after we turned in our paper to Ms. Reed, see him write something on it, and feel my smile seeing it.

I look up at him, see him smirk, and he says, "Just in case. I know you have Adah's but just have mine to okay?"

I smile and nod. Then I giggle seeing Adah kiss his cheek and see her pull him away.

I grab my phone, start saving Johnny's phone number, and hear Cairo say, "Jazmine, can I," and then I feel those arms hug me.

I inhale, smile, and hug Mackenzie back, feeling her exhale, and hear her whisper, "Thanks Jazmine, not just for what you did but for the handkerchief I was holding on to, kinda feeling like it was giving me a little courage. I need to wash it this weekend and give it back to you on Monday okay but just so you know that's all I know. I gave Ashley her phone number when I went to see her at the main office last month, and that's it. I was just talking right now, not really thinking what I was saying was completely true, but I guess it was and I'm sorry."

I exhale, hug her tighter, and say, "Because of you my friends and I are just gonna be even more careful tonight, so thank you and come say hi if you go or for lunch at our table, or if you wanna go to the mall on weekends when we never take the guys, just us girls, let me now and come with my sister and friends and me, please."

I feel those tears, feel her nod, hearing her sniffle, and hear her say, "I will. I got your number from Adah like you said so I'll text when I wanna go and don't wanna go alone, promise."

I nod, feeling happy even if dumb girls are just really, really dumb, because some people are the total opposite of that.

Then I feel her let go, see her put that handkerchief over her red nose, and see her nod, and walk to her desk to grab her things.

I exhale, close my notebook, and hear him say, "Jazmine let me give you," and her that voice say, "Jazmine."

I look up at those burgundies wondering if he was waiting outside before class ended, feeling my smile, and say, "Hi bestie."

I see him roll those eyes, feeling my smile, and see those burgundies look at Cairo I think.

Then I remember I was putting my things away, look down at my notebook, grab it, put it in my backpack, hearing Cairo say bye, and I look up, feel my small smile, nod, and tell him I'll see him on Monday.

I see him nod, hearing him saying something I think, feeling confused why that happens sometimes where I hear something but I don't hear it, and see him turn around, walking out of class.

I shake my head, look back down, zip up my backpack, and stand up.

I look back at him, see that face come down, and feel that kiss.

I exhale, kiss him back, and feel him move away.

I open my eyes, see that cute smirk, the small one only I can see I think, and he says, "Let's go."

I nod and say, "Okay and on that way I gotta tell you about something that might happen tonight and we're gonna have to call everyone."

I see that beautiful eyebrow rise and see him exhale. I feel my smile and say, "Come on bestie, remember between you and I we can do anything and it'll be fun."

I see that face come down, feel those lips kiss me again, kiss him back, and hear him whisper, "That Jazmine head. I know."

Yes, thank you Black Jesus.

* * *

I hear him say, "I 'on't like this man."

I exhale, nod, and count again. Approximately six hundred that includes at least three quarters of the student body, parents, the team, several clubs, teachers, and vendors. Too many people to hide behind. Shit. Fuck.

I feel that head on my shoulder, feel her squeeze my leg, exhale, and hear that voice say, "Huey, Riley, I promise we're not going anywhere, other than the restroom, and one of you will go with us okay, so just try to have fun, please?"

I exhale, looking out at the field, hearing my brother exhale, and hear him say, "We bet stacks on this shit, maybe I'll relax."

I exhale at his possible problem with gambling and hear that voice say, "Like per quarter or touchdown?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look down at those two buns, see her look up at me with that smile, feeling that damn pull on my face, and hear my brother say, "And that's why you ma sis. Fuck yeah. We bet quarter. How much?"

I see those buns move forward, those eyes look over at my brother, see that smirk, feeling my own damn smirk, and she says, "I don't work yet so I'll have to bet something else, like maybe cooking or braiding for free, with no complaining when and how many times you want it done, and maybe, if I lose badly, maybe doing your chores."

I hear his cackle, roll my eyes, and hear him say, "I'll bet stacks for clean braids few times a week."

I exhale, shake my head, looking out at the field again, hearing them talking about their bet, and inhale seeing that fucken idiot walking in from the entrance. Fuck.

I hear my brother say, "The fuck he doing here?"

I hear Caesar say, "Lazy fuck, that's what he's doing here."

I exhale and hear Hiro say, "Ain't like he fucken do much there anyways."

I inhale and say, "It doesn't matter. I'll take care of it."

Shit. After this I can, and hear that voice say, "Huey look at me."

I exhale, look down at those eyes, those freckles, see that smile that belongs to me, feeling relaxed even if I know I will have to take care of that tonight, and she says, "How about this? After this, we go eat, and then in the morning, after the people that stayed at the shelter leave we'll go and clean anything that he didn't do okay?"

I inhale and say, "Jazmine I can," and I feel those lips kiss me, hearing our friends talking between themselves, knowing we're all here taking care of them, closing my eyes, remembering we're not in that damn cafeteria, put my arm over her shoulders, and bring that leg over me.

I feel her scoot up under my arm, feel her put those fingers on my neck, those kisses on my chin, down my neck, on my shirt, feeling her scoot closer, those breasts pressed up on me, that face moving over my neck, and hear that muffled voice of hers say, "Bestie, please, please, let me take care of you tonight making you have a little fun with our friends, staying with us, and after we're all done tonight, I want you to make sure to take care of your emails that are super important, focus on that, because Frank's at the shelter right now taking care of things because you asked him two weeks ago for this day off, and it's Frank and he can take care of things okay, no matter what's happening there, and tomorrow I promise, we'll wake up early and go see him and Mr. Willis and help them and they'll let us help because it's Mr. Willis and Frank and they adore you, like everyone does, and they think I'm still ten and let me do anything I want, even help clean. Okay? Please?"

I exhale, open my eyes, seeing that football field, those bright lights, knowing the feeling of waiting for something to happen, to start, to settle things, feeling my smirk, and my eyebrow rise, seeing some of those girls looking over here again.

I look back down at that face that's on my neck, possibly smelling me like I do catch her doing sometimes, that face that I don't have to dream about anymore, but I get to ask for things today, like dreaming about it and then having her sleep over on Saturday nights, and say, "Jazmine."

I see her look up, inhale seeing that smile, knowing she's happy, go down, kiss her, hearing our trusted idiot friends and their girlfriends, family, saying that damn saying this school says, and then hear someone through that speaker giving us asinine instructions to stop, and I pull those shoulders I get to touch further in, pushing my way through those lips, tasting that tongue, feeling that leg over me possibly trying to squeeze my knee, and move away, biting that lip.

I let go of that lip, see those eyes open, see that redness I like cover that entire face, and say, "Fine, but you don't leave my side tonight, tomorrow at nine, not earlier, we'll go to the shelter, and I do know how much you like bluffing nowadays, something very Jazmine of you."

I see that mouth open, kiss her, hearing the cheering and possibly the cursing from our friends towards that idiot racist counselor hiding his voice behind the speaker, move away, and see those eyes open with that smile. I feel my smirk, let go of her, moving that thick thigh away from me for no more than one minute, knowing she's right about the bluffing, something very Jazmine of her, but I don't bluff, and I stand up.

I look out at that field again, passed it, and see those fucken idiots, all of them, on the visitor's side, put my hands around my mouth to ensure its heard, and say, "If you're here for us you come at us! Don't hide because I will find you! Every single one of you! Every single fucken one! We will find you! And we will not fail! This is your last fucken warning!"

I hear the cheering, see that fucken idiot looking directly at me, that psychotic piece of shit, and hear my brother say, "You'll heard! We are the undefeated mother-fucken wolves! Wolves! Wolves! Wolves…"

I hear the chanting, the cheering, see that psychotic piece of shit look down to my left, feel that hand going up my leg, my side, my chest, feeling her stand up, those long arms go around my neck, and the pull down. I look down to my left and taste those lips, the ones that taste like my favorite fruit, feeling her push that tongue into my mouth, hearing her say she loves me, and grab those hips and pull her down with me.

I feel that ass sit on my lap, pull her in, hearing that fucken racist counselor I couldn't give two shits about telling everyone to stop whatever it is we're doing, tasting those lips, feeling those arms around my shoulders, hearing her say she wants to taste me tomorrow in the morning before we leave to the shelter, hearing, possibly, if I cared enough, the announcer taking the microphone from that counselor to start the game, bite that lip, feeling that waist I'm holding shiver, let go of that lip, licking my lips, see those greens open, that variation I like, and say, "Listen today, don't run off, and promise to let me have my favorite fruit no later than tomorrow."

I see that mouth open, see that smirk on those full lips, and hold in that groan feeling that hip move up, over my semi hardness I can't do anything about right now. I see that smile and she says, "Okay bestie, you can have all of that. But first I'm gonna get off of you so we can watch the game."

I exhale, see her come up, feeling that kiss on my nose, and feel her move off of me, but only as far as still keeping that thigh on me, feeling my exhale.

I feel those arms going down my chest, that body lean into me, and those arms hug me. I feel her start that drawing on my lower back, those letters she's writing. She's starting in the middle again with 'M' for Malcolm X.

I exhale and lean back on the metal stand, putting my arm over those shoulders again, hearing our friends cheering the football team as its running out, hearing them cheer possibly louder for Phil, one of the few I don't completely disagree with at this school because he actually has some logic due partially to his family's liberal political views. I feel that excitement in her leg, the one being transmitted to me, even if I know scientifically that's not possibly, but it could be that her way of viewing this world has changed some of, and I hear her whisper, "Bestie, stop thinking with that warm brain again. You just warned them, showed them we're not scared, because they're not scary, not compared to other things, things we really need to focus on, like those emails you need to get to tonight, then rest, and then the shelter tomorrow. But right now, just relax, stay here with me, and I promise because Black Jesus is always watching, we're gonna have fun tonight spending time with everyone, and being together for the first game this semester, okay? So, stop that warm brain from thinking until we need to, try to have fun tonight, and trust me. Please."

I exhale, squeeze that thigh over me, feeling those shoulders under my left arm, feel myself nod, and say, "I do and." I inhale and say loud enough for him to hear over the sound of the announcer, "I want in on that bet Riley. I take most touchdowns in the third quarter."

I hear something fall, look over at them, and see Caesar possibly sitting back up with help from Ming, hearing the cackling, shake my head, and hear my brother say, "Damn McHater, prep us for that shit. Yeah, you's in."

I exhale, lean back, and then hear my brother yell, too damn close to me again, "Garrison I'ma bet on this shit! So you'll stay on," and hear him stop, feeling my exhale, hearing that giggle next to me, and hear her sister from Riley's other side yell, "Stay on target Phil! Fuck 'em up!"

I hear that giggling turn into that laugh, shake my head, feeling her moving further into me, and see that fucken idiot run out of the team's exit, trying to focus on that cheek leaning on my chest.

I exhale, seeing the rest of the team running out, and feel those fingers she's using to draw on me, knowing she's a capable fighter, they all are, she's mine, my brother and friends are here, as I see that idiot he almost killed down there with the rest of the team.

Then I hear, "Yes folks, that is Derek Thompson, who used to be the Wolves' quarterback but because of showboating, I might add right in front of the cheerleaders last year, he lost an easy touchdown placing the team at the end of rollcall, who is back hopefully without any showboating this time."

I exhale, see that fucken idiot that apparently is not paying attention to what's being discussed between the team look up here, again, and then see a red shoe that possibly came from the section where those girls that cheer hit his face, hearing the people, including our friends laughing, and then hear the announcer say, "And that folks is one of the cheerleaders that just threw better than he's previously showed us and hope he takes some pointers."

I hear that giggle, look down, hearing that announcer continue talking about that idiot's failures from last year, seeing her trying to stop giggling but seeing her laughing into my chest now, hearing myself doing it, not giving two shits, hearing them all laughing, feeling her moving up, that soft cheek on my own, and hear her whisper in to my ear, "I love when you laugh and I'm not gonna stop helping you laugh more Huey. I promise."

I shake my head, feeling her moving back down, that face over my chest, and I kiss that head, feeling her hugging, continuing to write those letters on my back, feeling relaxed, and say the selfish truth, "I want that."

I feel her exhale, feel her nod, that hand on my stomach possibly drawing a heart, and hear the announcer say, "And there's the kick-off folks! It's long, long, long, and it's Phil Garrison's folks! Garrison, the highly anticipated Wolves' new quarterback, has caught the kick-off!"

I feel that body move away, hear her start cheering for Phil, feeling it on my face, knowing it was that Jazmine head that made it possible for me to believe in falling in love, that those statistics, that are still as true as I am black, will be another one of those obstacles that we can do something about, so making me laugh more outside of our rooms will be nothing to her. But first, she wants me to relax, possibly enjoy myself with our friends, and only focus on fucken psychotic assholes when I need to, and I trust her.

I feel that body come back into me, feel that kiss on my neck, and hear the cheering, hearing the announcer say, "The first touchdown of the game by Phil Garrison of the Wolves! Wow he's fast!"

Yeah. I can focus on this right now and deal with whatever's to come when it does.

* * *

I splash some water on my face, grab the hand towel, and dry my face.

I feel those arms going around my shoulders, giggle, and hear her say, "You know Jazzy, I'm." I hear her stop, feel her exhale, and feel her move her face over my shoulder. I smile and hear her say, "I'm happy."

I exhale, kiss that arm around my chest, and say, "And we're gonna keep it that," and hear her cut me off saying, "Don't you ever fucken leave us."

I inhale, hearing my sister and Ming inhale, and feel those two sets of arms hug Lauren and me.

I feeling those tears on my shoulder and hear Lauren say, "Don't you ever fucken go Jazzy. Don't." And I hear the sniffling from them all, feeling my eyes get watery, nod, and say, "I'm not gonna go anywhere I promise. I told you that no one's taking me away without me cutting them okay."

I feel her nod and hear my sister's small voice say, "And we gonna be here to make sure we punk anyone that don't fucken make us happy or tries to mess with us."

I exhale, nod, and hear Ming say, "And we knows each other too fucken much, that we make each other and our guys happy as fuck, and we ain't letting no one, specially no stupid bitches at school mess that up."

I inhale, feeling them hug me tighter, and hear Lauren's sniffly voice say, "Cuz they're all sata's."

And just like that, we're all laughing.

Then I hear the door open, feel them let go of me, look over, and exhale, seeing her with that pretty girl next to her.

I see her smile at us and she says, "Best time to introduce is always in the girl's bathroom."

I start laughing again, hearing my sister and friends laughing, walk over to Lena, and know tonight's only gonna get better.

* * *

Tonight is going to get worse. Significantly worse. Fuck. I exhale and hear my brother say, "McHater, calm the fuck down befor' you light up the fucken place."

I exhale, nod, and hear him say, "They just talking. Ain't nothing happening."

I inhale, exhale, and feel my eyebrow rise. I look over at him leaning on the wall looking at his phone and say, "When did you stop being the one that rushes into things without thinking twice?"

I see him look up at me with that smirk, reminding me we are brothers, and he says, "I 'on't know, maybe when I figured some shit out, like how some people, some that ain't just homies, don't give a shit 'bout a fucked up family, 'bout how they live, just cares 'bout not meeting our folks, so."

I inhale, see him nod, and he says, "So, I 'on't know, maybe shit around us, way we grew up without 'em, knowing we only got folks that ain't gonna be around long as normal folks, it's alright you know, like it's an alright life, maybe better than alright cuz Grandad 'least cares even if he beat us for dumbass shit and Aunt Cookie be showing anyone that goes to her house all my early shit that ain't even fucken good, but she still does, and now you giving me dumbass gifts that ain't stupid, actually mean some'ng cuz I know you ain't do shit half ass and spent some time on that gift. So, maybe, cuz of all that shit, you know, life's not as fucked up as I thought it was and us being cool now, even if I can still punk your ass, just makes me think that I ain't gotta rush into shit as much, can think 'bout it, and only go in when I knows there's a plan."

I exhale and see him nod, knowing he used to rush into everything, including dumbass bets. That bet. I also know even if he has won so far he's probably not going to remind her about the bet because he treats her like some would say in a very sibling sort of way, whereas I protect his girlfriend partially because she still has too much training left but mostly because seeing her hurt makes me feel equal to seeing him hurt nowadays, as unthinkable as that is, but he protects Jazmine because he feels that sibling sort of way towards her.

I inhale and say, "I'll pay you in money the bet she lost."

I see his eyebrow rise, see him roll his eyes, and he says, "McHater ain't you the one that says that shit don't matter?"

I exhale, see him look away, and hear him say, "And Jazzy having too much fun to talk 'bout that and Cin been."

I see him stop, see him inhale looking away, and hear him say, "Cin been acting normal and shit today. Ain't as fucken scared. Took fucken days but 'least this time she ain't cry the whole fucken time, just quiet. She."

I see him exhale and hear him say, "She C-Murph again, laughing like she does, and I knows it's cuz Jazzy ain't letting us feel fucked up. That's why we here. And I 'on't know, it's been alright, and I'ma do what I gotta do to keep it like that. So don't be talking 'bout that bet 'less Jazzy or Cin say shit 'bout it."

I inhale and say, "Thank you Riley."

I see him nod, see that smirk, feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and say, "Do you also have another bet going on with Hiro?"

I see him look back at me with that smirk and roll my eyes at his possible gambling addiction. Idiot. My only idiot brother. And I'm fine with that today.

* * *

I see her smile and she says, "Yeah, I'm Lily, and I know you're Jazmine. It's cool to finally talk to you cuz my cous talks 'bout you'll so much."

I smile, look over at Lena, see her smiling down at her cousin, who looks just like her but with fluffier cheeks and those cute short dreads. Those cute short dreads.

I exhale and say, "I want dreads."

I hear them laugh, start laughing with them, see Lily nod with her smile, and she says, "Only took a few months to grow my hair, used some products I can text you. You'd look cute with them. Not enough black girls wear them, always going for the braids, when the dreads and the afro are the shit."

I feel my mouth open. Did she just call me a black girl and I didn't have to say I was?

I hear Lena and Lily talking about why braids or dreads are better, feeling my heart swell, and hear her whisper, "Tol' you sis. Don't matter what that stupid bitch Ericka says. You black and I love ma black sis."

I exhale, feeling her head on my shoulder, look over at her, and kiss that soft blonde head.

Then I hear Ming say, "Nah, I agree, it's all 'bout dreads, specially on hot Jamaican guys."

I see Lily look at Ming with a raised eyebrow, surprised I think, and hear my sister say, "Wells we talkin' bout hair on guys, specially black guys, you'll know I'ma always go with braids. I means how they gonna ball or take care of shit with hair all over the fucken place. Nah, gots to be braids always."

I see Lily look at my sister, looking really confused.

I start giggling and hear Lauren say, "What's wrong with a nice fade where he keeps it long at the top and it looks really cute in the morning all messy with all those muscles and tattoos?"

I start laughing, hearing them laughing, and hear Lena say, "Right? Shit, I am not gonna lie, that new fade my boyfriend got for the game is so fucken hot."

I hear the laughing harder now, closing my eyes laughing with them, and say, "Well, I think I'll always really like afros, how soft they are."

I exhale, feeling happy, and hear Lily in between snickers say, "Well if you do like 'em, you gotta come see this afro that's gotta be the biggest one I ever saw, even at my school where half the guys have afros, but this one, shit, gotta be the biggest one. You might like him Jazmine even if he kind of, you know, looks like wants to kill anything that walks by."

I can't help it and start laughing, hearing them laughing, and then hear, "I can't fucken stand this. Shut up already!"

I inhale, hear my sister and friends inhale, turn around, and see them walk out of the last three stalls.

I exhale, roll my eyes, turn around back to my friends, and say, "Let's go I don't want," and she cuts me off with, "We need to talk Jazmon."

I inhale and say, "No."

I grab my sister's hand, pull her, feel her moving with me, and hear that voice say, "You hear me talk or I'll tell everyone at this stupid school your dad raped you."

I hear the inhales, feeling that coldness in my chest, feel her let go, and shake my head. I turn around, see my sister taking those steps, and I run and grab her around her waist.

I feel her body move up with her swing, see Ming's body next to my face, feeling her holding my sister back, and hear Lauren from my sister's other side say, "Cin let's let her talk and then we'll cut her."

I inhale, feel my sister exhale, and hear her say, "Fine. Fucken talk dumb bitch cuz I'ma fuck you up in one minute."

I exhale, squirm my way between my sister and Lauren, step in front of them with my hand over Lauren's arm and my sister's shoulder, look into those icy blue eyes, and say, "Ashley, I don't care what you gotta say. You can tell the school all of that. By the time this night ends my mom will be suing your family for talking about something that you don't know anything about, so talk. You have one minute before Ming and me let go and we all take you and those dumb girls you brought with you."

I hear one of those girl start, "Don't be calling me dumb, you don't know," and I hear Lauren say, "Shut up sata because you're only here for my boyfriend who doesn't want you and I'm going after you after I'm done cutting her."

I see that girl inhale and hear that screech say, "I don't wanna talk to you either so I'll make it fast. My family has lots of people that work in courts and because of who my dad is they work for me to and they told me about your dad that can't see you and I don't care why but I'll say it was because he raped you and I'll spread that rumor around the school if you don't do what I say."

I inhale, exhale, and say, "You have forty seconds left before I let my sister and friend go."

I see her inhale, see her eyes get big, and she says, "You don't care? What's wrong with you!"

I inhale, hearing the noise from outside, knowing it's really loud out there because of the halftime show with the cheerleaders, the drill team, the marching band playing, and no one will hear us, and say, "No, I don't care. Say whatever you want. The students at this school can say anything they want. Are you done?"

I see her exhale, see her inhale, see her eyes going back and forth, then see her focus on me with her squinty eyes, and she says, "Fine. Then I'll make a deal with you where I won't say anything. And I'll pay. I'll pay all of you. I'll pay you to leave. Just another school. I don't care which one. You'll find guys there. Just leave this school. Five hundred a month to each one of you. Just leave. And a thousand extra to each one of you if you can make that girl stop seeing him. He belongs to me! The Wunclers belong to me! Those guys you think you're good enough for but you're not belong to me! So I'll do it, I'll pay you! Just don't come back!"

I exhale and hear my sister say, "Where the fuck you getting that much money to be asking for deals stupid hoe? Cuz we knows you gots money but you ain't got that much."

I see those icy eyes look at Ming I think, hear an inhale, and hear Ming say, "It ain't just this bitch that's part of this. It's that asshole and probably some other bitches at this school that pitching in huh?"

I see Ashley inhale, see her look back at me, and she says, "It doesn't matter. When I get married to the Wunclers I'll have enough to pay them all back and more and I can even pay you all more. I can make more deals! Anything! Just make that girl leave him! If you don't I'll find out who she is, not just who her family is but stuff about her and I'll," and I hear her curse and see her step back, looking down.

I look down, see those knives sticking out of the floor two inches away from where Ashley's shoes were, and hear Lauren say, "Don't talk about my boyfriend's sister. She's not here to defend herself so you don't get to talk about her or I'll cut your toe sata."

I hear her inhale, look up at her, see her looking at us, stop at me, squint, and she says, "If you take it, if you leave, they'll leave. That's how it happens. I deal with the leader, pay them off, and they always follow her, middle school and here, it doesn't matter where. So, say you'll take it, take the money, leave this school, then they'll leave with you, and tell that girl to stop seeing the Wuncler's grandson because I know you're all friends, and until I can get married with him I'll have the high school I want, the guys I want all free to do what they want with me, or I'll spread that rumor so fast that by Monday morning everyone will think you got raped by your dad."

I inhale, blink, and then hear a laugh, a laugh I just got to know today. I feel my smirk, look back at Lily, see her snickering, and hear her say, "Damn cous, you didn't tell me you had crazy white girls here. Shit, even thinking that shit matters. So stupid."

I see her start laughing harder, feel the shaking in that arm and shoulder, and start laughing with them.

Then I hear that screech say, "How is that funny! It's not! It'll make their lives," and I see Lily cut her off saying, "Fuck you. You don't know that. When they found out at my school why I was absent for so long, they didn't care. Shit, some people said if they ever saw him they'd kill him for me. I even made friends with other people that had been through that. So fuck you and really you're so stupid you don't even see it. I mean you gotta give people deals and pay them off. Damn. I'm guessing they got boyfriends you want and you need them to leave the school so their boyfriends will even look at you, no matter how hot you think you are, which you ain't, and just by talking to them I'm thinking their boyfriends are bad asses or black or both and I'ma tell you right now they'd never be with a girl like you, skinny as fuck who throws money around, specially the kind of boyfriends they'd have, cuz you're just stupid as fuck."

I hear the laughing, start laughing, and hear a voice say, "But what 'bout if we'd tell you they cheat on you with chica after chica."

I hear the inhales, look back at that girl that's looking at Ming, and hear Ming say, "Look you tacky ass bicycle we'd tell you you're only saying that shit cuz you're mad that you probably figured out that old number ain't his number no more, probably when someone that got that number now told you you're a hoe and they ain't wanna see your skanky ass pictures, then you probably tried paying that racist piece a shit Leon for his number and found out he ain't give it to the school. So, you're mad and now you're saying they're cheating when really it's you that got your pictures all over Facebook of you fucking Dewey when you cheated on a really fucken great guy. Shit, I heard there's some pictures of you naked straddling Dewey at that fucken party."

I exhale. Poor Caesar. That was his girlfriend and he saw those pictures online instead of those people just showing them to him or telling him. My poor big brother.

I see that girl inhale and she says, "Whatever's only happen once and you ain't part of that shit. But I am telling you'll those guys are the hottest guys at this fucken school, wells."

I see her stop, see her look back I think at Lena, see her smirk, and she says, "Maybe after tonight there's gonna be some more fucken hot ass guys at this school."

I hear that step, look back, see Lily grab Lena's waist, and hear her say, "Cous we know that shit. He's the fucken quarterback at your school and winning tonight, but he's your man and with how nice he is I don't think your blue-eyed batman wants you getting in trouble over stupid fucken girls, getting in fights and shit, cuz then you can't come see his games."

I see Lena exhale, see her nod, and I look back at that girl.

I see her smirk and she says, "So those guys are the hottest guys at this stupid ass school and I just know they're already cheating cuz I heard," and hear Ming say, "What's his favorite color?"

I see her mouth open, close, see her inhale, and she says, "Why does that shit matter?"

I feel my smirk and hear Ming say, "Cuz if you can't tell me what his favorite fucken color was after months of seeing his ass, you really don't know him, not even a fucken little, stupid hoe. You want him, this stupid bitch wants my friend's and her sister's boyfriends, fucken gross ass shit to want two brothers, and that bitch over there that thinks just cuz she Asian, even if I was fucken born in China and don't gotta use that shit to get a man, thinks she should have a guy just cuz of that, is all fucken stupid. You'll don't know them, not a fucken drop of his Jamaican roots, that stupid bitch don't even really know if my friend's man can speak Japanese, just fucken assumes that shit, and then the dumbest bitch of 'em all thinks she's gonna have two guys that she knows nothing 'bout and even worse than that shit, she thinks she's gonna marry a guy that we heard she made herself look crazy in front of last fucken weekend 'nough that they're gonna be adding security to those parties to watch her ass only cuz they can't kick out her family cuz of who her daddy is. But believe me, you'll don't know them, ain't having them, specially a hoe that didn't know what she lost and keeps fucken lying 'bout cheating on his ass thinking he's dumb and don't know. Stupid bitch, my man's the smartest guy I ever fucken met and he knows what you did. So stop this shit, let him be fucken happy cuz he don't need you for that. Shit, none of 'em need none of you'll."

I inhale, see Ashley open her mouth, and hear my sister say, "Record this shit sis?"

I see Ashley's eyes get big. I blink and say, "Yeah sis, all of it."

I see her inhale, see her look at me, and I say, "On my phone. I started recording when you said you wanted to talk so I could give it to our mom. It's actually on the iCloud right now so even if I erased it right now it would be saved there, set to be sent to our mom tonight like all my recordings are set. So, no matter what, our mom, you know the lady you called those names, that you met twice, that your mom, your family, is scared of, and that fought to keep me and my sister together and is scary enough you haven't done anything with that information yet because you're probably hoping you'll scare me or give me such a good deal that I'll leave on my own and you won't have to meet with my mom, that woman, that attorney, again, who will be getting this recording of you threatening my sister and me, because when you threaten one of us you threaten both of us, and even threatening my friends telling them you want them to leave the school to, which is really bad because our mom really, really likes our friends, almost like daughters I think now. Yeah, that woman will be getting this recording tonight, how you know about a person that is not legally able to come near me that you shouldn't know anything about, and I'm sure there's gonna be some kind of investigation to find out who your family knows that works at the downtown courts, maybe even how they've helped your family when they shouldn't have, and then your parents will find out you're talking to those people that work for them, making them do this kind of work for you. Hmm."

I see her eyes probably get as big as I've ever seen them get and she says, "Go to hell," and I cut her off saying, "No, but you might when your parents find out about what you're doing at school, using their connections, all just to make four guys, I'm sure all guys your parents would not let you date, that have never looked at you, be available. I mean they might even get so mad they might switch you schools because now you're just creating more of a mess your mom has to clean up again, and I'm sure all of this is going to get to the Wunclers. So."

I see her inhale, see her exhale, see her tilt her head, looking kind of crazy, and she says, "Fine. And I hope he gets his chance with you, they all do."

I inhale, see her start walking towards us, see her get to Ming, see her squint, and see her walk around her, followed by those other two girls.

I hear the doors open, hearing them leaving, exhale, turn around, see Lena and Lily smirking, hear that door open again, and then hear that voice say, "Jazmine."

I inhale. No.

* * *

Really Jazmine? Really?

I see that fine eyebrow rise, see that smirk that should be at home with me, safe, away from these fucken idiots, going through those platforms, several emails I couldn't give two shits about, see her come up, and I taste those lips because she is faster than I give her credit.

I exhale, see her move back, and remembering I also couldn't give two shits where we are I go back down and kiss her.

I feel those arms going around my shoulders reminding me that we haven't been on a date in some time, but there are some things, not including those insignificant dates where we are alone, that are more important than what I try to live off of.

I move away, see those eyes open, and she says, "I promise to not walk into any dark allies unless it's to save you or anyone else I love, and from here on there's only the last half of the game and then we're gonna go eat and then home so please stop worrying okay?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Why would you be walking into any dark allies to save me?"

I see that smile, bringing that waist I'm holding into me, see that red over that nose, and she whispers, "Because you're Huey Freeman."

I exhale at that unrealistic optimism she still has even after knowing me for this long and say, "Fine. And I know after this you still want to spend the rest of the night with your mother and sister but tomorrow," and I feel that kiss on my chin, see her go back down, and she says, "Tomorrow I wanna create that new chat on some of the platforms with my sister's and Etta's ideas to have people start talking about basketball teams that don't have any women of color on their team so…"

I go down to that ear, feel her inhale, and say, "When did you start calling my cousin that name?"

I feel those hands kneading the back of my neck, feeling too damn relaxed, and hear her whisper into my ear, "When she told my sister that they've been talking long enough that she's almost family and that's what family calls her and just with my sister only calling her 'Etta' now it kind of made me call her that to. Are you okay with that because I don't have to," and I squeeze that waist, feeling her inhale again, and say, "Yes, now let's get those waters, don't leave my side, we're leaving as soon as this ends to that place they all want to eat, and tomorrow I want you in my bed before I wake up so we can open those chats Etta and your sister thought of and then after that we're leaving to the shelter."

I exhale, knowing that will be an entire Saturday with me, doing things I find worthy, not completely sure if she finds any of it enjoyable, and hear her say, "I want all of that."

I exhale, kiss that ear, move away, see that face completely covered in that tint, feel my smirk, and she says, "I like it but really Huey you know you're gonna cause girls to keep falling over with how affectionate you are now."

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing that's hardly affectionate compared to what idiotic hormonal teenagers do in public, but it's possible that infinitesimal trust I have in this world is not as small as it was before because I respond and initiate now. I know that. I do those things now to make up for those lost chances.

I see that smile and she says, "You don't have to tell me, but know that I love it okay. Now let's go get those waters and meet them at our seats since they left us behind."

I nod, move back, grab that hand that's on my neck bringing it down, and start walking towards the concession stands. I feel her moving with me, feeling my eyebrow rise seeing some of those girls looking over here, the ones that think cheering is a sport. I feel my knuckles brush those hips and see those girls roll their eyes and look away.

I exhale, knowing women are smarter than men, at least a significant portion of their population. But first, we have to deal with the next half of this damn game.

Shit. She's sitting on my lap.

* * *

Oh my god.

I know I'm jumping up and down but I don't care. I feel those hands on my hips, turn around, see him looking up at me with that beautiful eyebrow raised, the one I'm kissing later, sit back on his lap, hearing that 'umph' from him, and kiss those lips.

I feel him kiss me back, feel those hands going around my waist, those arms holding me, and then I hear it.

I open my eyes, move away, see those cute annoyed pursed lips, and see those lights in his eyes, those colorful lights. So pretty.

I see that cute smirk and feel him turn me completely to really look at them.

I hear the cheering from my sister and friends because we won the first game of the season and this, the fireworks, was only going to happen if we won. That, and I think because it's spring and the school likes doing this for us for spring.

I smile, knowing this is so romantic because we're in school with friends and family, my mom's at home with pop's waiting for my sister and me to get home by ten to spend time with her, and I can feel his legs moving apart, feel the bench under my butt, and those arms going around my shoulders, around my chest with that strong chin on my shoulder, happy I put my hair up in my two buns. And he doesn't have to say it ever, even if I love when he does, because I know he loves me when he hugs me like this in public, because he's Huey and he doesn't like public affection, but he does this with me. I want to cry.

I see those fireworks go up, my favorite, the ones that start loud at the beginning until they reach the night sky, the ones that explode into a lot of different colors, so many colors, feeling that kiss on my ear, and hear him whisper, "That Jazmine head."

I feel my smile and say, "I think you like my Jazmine head."

I see those colors in the sky, feeling my eyes open, feel that squeeze around my shoulders, and hear him say, "Yes."

Then I hear that cheering, hearing everyone getting up, look back at him, see the side of his face, and I kiss that nose. I see that cute exhale, smile at him, and say, "See, it's over and nothing happened. Now let's go so we can try to order a kind of vegetarian pizza at that place okay?"

I see him nod, look over at our friends, seeing them moving down the bench towards the exit, move, and say, "Bestie?"

I feel him exhale and hear him say, "Is it on?"

I exhale and say, "It is worrywart, always. You know I never turn on my iPhone finder. Let's go."

I feel him nod, feel him let me go, and I grab my purse, stand up, and start following Riley towards the isle where we can all go down the steps, feeling that heat right behind me.

We finally make it to the isle and feel my eyebrow rise seeing someone in a black hooded sweater with sunglasses walking towards the isle on the other side.

I move into the isle and inhale, feeling a push, feeling myself being pushed down the steps, and grab onto the railing to keep from falling down. Then I inhale hearing that sound.

I look up, see the place where they had the fireworks on fire, feeling my eyes open, shake my head, hearing the yelling, and feeling the pushing more now.

I look around, not seeing my friends but seeing those hooded sweaters, and then feel that hand on my left shoulder, look back at him, see those dark burgundy eyes, and then feel someone push through, separating us, hearing the screaming from another explosion.

What's happening?

Then I feel someone grab my right arm, pull me, and I hold on to that railing. I hear him scream at me to move and I say, "No!"

Then I feel something soft go over my mouth, inhale, and feel my eyes get big. No. Hold it in. Don't breathe Jazmine. Don't. Hit him.

I let go of the railing, bring my hand back, and push up against that person, feeling dizzy.

I hear him curse, blink, seeing Cairo I think punch that guy, seeing the people passing us going down the stairs, and feel that hand grab my waist.

I inhale, feel him pull me in, and shake my head from the dizziness. Where's my sister? Who was that? Did I see Cairo? My sister!

I move and say, "Huey let me go! Where's my," and I hear him say, "Next to Riley! They tried taking them to but they're fine! Stay with me!"

I inhale, feeling the dizziness. This dizzy. That soft thing over my mouth with that smell. It was drugs. Did they really try drugging me?

I blink and hear that booming voice behind me say, "Move around us now!"

I hear the inhales and then see the students I think because I'm just trying to not be dizzy, moving around us.

I feel that arm hold me, helping me down the steps, hearing another explosion I think.

What's happening? Where's my sister? Mimi? Laurie? Where are you?

I look around, see us going down the stairs, look up, and see those braids and those long layers next to her.

I exhale, moving up to them, and hear him say, "Stay with me Jazmine. We knew this could happen, wanting that damn speech to make them come after us instead, but knew we had to stay with each one of you. But know everyone's fine."

I inhale, nod, taking those steps, seeing the people running around us, feeling the heat from that explosion, take that last step, and feel those arms go around me, hearing her inhale, shaking, and hug her back.

I feel those two sets of arms around us and hear them tell me someone tried grabbing them, tried putting something over their face and then their boyfriends punched that person and held on to them to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

I exhale, nod, and say, "I think they tried drugging us."

I feel them hug me tighter, feel that hand on my lower back, and hear him say, "Let's get you all to the car to check you."

I exhale, nod, feel them let go of me, and look around, hearing the sirens from the firetrucks.

That explosion they must've made happen to create that confusion. That explosion that's still burning the stadium where they had the fireworks. That stadium where I can see those people in those black sweaters running off behind that fire, seeing headlights turn on, and the sound of burning tire.

I exhale, feel that strong arm around my shoulders, turn, and start walking to the car.

Did they really try drugging us? I inhale, exhale, and now this has gone way too far, doing that to them. But what do we do Black Jesus? I exhale and feel that strong, small hand grab my hand and squeeze.

She's okay. They're all okay. Like my bestie said. And everything always works out, but I have to stay positive for them.

* * *

I exhale. That unrealistic optimism, that body leaning into me, and I squeeze that thigh. That thigh that's strong, but. And I feel that kiss on my cheek and hear her say, "Bestie, I'm fine. I promise. We all are. We already told my mom and Grandad and they know we're okay. Now, eat this cheese pizza and I promise to make us a tastier one at home soon okay?"

I inhale, look down, see the many napkins she used to try to remove an ounce of that grease from that pizza, and hear him say, "You'll think if I were there we woulda beat them by 'least ten more points?"

I exhale, hear their laughing, shake my head, and grab that slice of pizza.

I feel that squeeze on my thigh knowing she's happy seeing me eat something even if this is going to lead me to an early grave, but she did say she would try making a better tasting one.

I take that bite and hear another voice say, "You all alright?"

I inhale, put down the slice, look up, and see them and a girl Jazmine said is her cousin standing next to them. I hear Cindy say, "'Course we are. That game was the shit Phil. Won some money cuz of that, so thanks homie."

I hear the laughing, see Phil exhale, nod, know he's somewhat more aware than others and will not talk about the end of that game, and he says, "Yeah. Hard ass game but we had some good plays. You all met Lily?"

I exhale, somewhat relieved, look over at that girl, see her smile at Phil, and she says, "You so behind on the intro. We had a whole convo 'bout our life stories in the girl's bathroom at the game."

I shake my head remembering after those two went in I knew they were all going to take a while in there and hear Caesar say, "Hey, since our asses can't go in there, can you'll tell me if you got a couch and a Starbucks up in there, cuz I will never understand how you'll take so long putting makeup or whatever on when you'll don't even need it."

I exhale, hear the groans, and hear the girls all start saying how sweet Caesar is.

Then I feel that kiss on my cheek, hearing them talking about what other possible coffee shops are located in girl's restrooms, and hear that voice whisper in my ear, wondering if she still doesn't know what it does to me, "See bestie, everything's okay and none of us are leaving you guys so eat okay?"

I nod, knowing she's trying to focus on taking care of others, me, grab that slice again, and hear Phil say, "You all mind if we sit here? I mean I like the team and they're down the street getting burgers but been practicing with them for weeks now and I need to talk about something that isn't plays or hearing them talk about what cheerleader they're seeing this week."

I start moving over, feel that squeeze, and hear her say, "Hold on bestie."

I look over at those buns, that face, see her smile at them, and she says, "Yeah, hold on everyone and I'll figure out the table thing."

I see those hips stand up and see her walk up to the register.

I hear them continue talking, taking a bite of that slice of pizza that isn't as bad anymore, see her turn back towards us, look up those sides, those breasts, and swallow that agreeable slice of pizza.

I see her get back to us, see those hips sit down, see those greens smile at those three again, and she says, "They're just gonna put another table next to this one and make it bigger."

Then I hear a voice say, "You'll want it here or on the other side?"

I look up, see that delivery guy holding on to that smaller table next to us, knowing we came farther away from the school, to this place, to get away from those kids and parents talking about the ending of the game, and hear Jazmine and her friends tell him to put it wherever is easiest for him.

After bringing the extra chairs, everyone sitting down, and hearing the laughing, I feel that hand on my back start with 'A' for Arna Bontemps again, a novelist and poet I have not thought of for some time.

I exhale, feeling that head on my arm, feeling relaxed, and hear myself say, "Possibly, but running the same play would've put you at a disadvantage, regardless of your lack of trust in some of your teammates pulling off the newer plays you created. So, you did well with the games you ran, enough you won so you shouldn't beat yourself up."

I hear them stop talking, look up at them, feel my eyebrows lower, and say, "What?"

I hear Phil say, "Babe you're better with remembering so remind me later that today we won and Huey told someone to not beat themselves up."

I look over at him, see him smiling, roll my eyes, and hear them start laughing. I feel that kiss on my cheek, grab that more than agreeable slice of pizza, and take the last bite.

I hear them continue talking about the game, hearing Caesar and Hiro talking about their soccer days at the schools they went to, and hear that voice in my ear say, "I'll get you another one."

I look over at her, see her slide out, see her take out her phone, and hear her ask if anyone wants another slice.

I look over at them, see everyone's hands rise, shake my head, and hear her say she'll get another large pizza with that unnecessary abundance of meat and a medium cheese one.

I slide over, feel that hand on my shoulder, look up at those eyes, see her smile, exhale, and she says, "Huey, I'll be fine. The register's only twenty feet away and I'm just gonna order and wait for it because they have those premade okay?"

I exhale, knowing it's actually twenty seven feet away, nod, and stay at the edge, watching those hips go up to the register, where I see that guy standing behind it, knowing he should be delivering but he's there to make sure that fucken idiot I saw looking at Jazmine and her friends when we walked in stays in the back.

I exhale, knowing she'll be fine, but I'm staying at the edge of the table, and hear someone say, "I still don't see how you'll went on any dates."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at that girl, Lily, see her snickering, hearing the laughing at the table, and hear Cindy say, "Right? Like what the fuck? And now my sis is best friends with Lena girl? Like how's that shit work?"

I hear a voice say, "I feel it was more like hanging out with friends now."

I look over at Lena, see her smile, shake her head, see her look at Phil, and she says, "I mean it's cool, my boyfriend knows 'bout that. Shit, he knows 'bout the other dates I went on before I met him. I mean it's nice and all that he knows about all that so I ain't surprising his ass with no people when we're out on dates."

I hear the girls exhale, feel my other eyebrow rise, and hear my brother voice my thought again saying, "Why you'll acting like that? Ain't like we don't know 'bout who you'll been with?"

I hear that hit, hear him exhale, and hear Cindy say, "Ain't that Riles. It's just cute as fuck that we ain't the only ones that tell our boo everything."

I look over at her, see her look around, see her exhale, and she says, "Told you'll. It ain't my fault when I say shit like 'cute' a'ight."

I hear the laughing, look back at those buns, see her possibly laughing at something that guy said, see him say something that looks like 'yeah, he's still mean but least he doesn't call me lazy I think cuz you'll told him I work here.'

I exhale at that Jazmine head always making friends.

Then I hear Ming say, "Yeah. I mean, I don't even know how people do that shit, like hiding shit like that, specially when they go to the same school. I mean just tell 'em you saw someone, have an ex or just went on a date. It ain't like going on a date is that bad, I mean lots of people go on dates and end up just not liking each other like that, they're just cool and even friends after, and I mean it's not like you saying you went out with someone just once or twice means anything happened. I mean no one does shit after one or two dates."

I see those greens look over at Ming from her place under the 'pick up' sign, see her start giggling, knowing she could not have heard that, and then hear the table laughing.

I exhale, look over at Ming, see her looking around, see her smirk, and she says, "What? You'll are not gonna tell me people do shit on the first or the second date, I mean like normal people and shit, not those hoes at school."

I shake my head and hear Phil say, "Define normal."

I see Ming look at Phil and she says, "I 'on't know. Like people that wait 'til at least the second date before they start making out and touching each other like they can't control themselves. Cuz no matter what, no matter how fast any of us got with our boyfriends, we all 'least got to know them, went on some dates with them, shit, talked for a minute, before we did anything, and I just know a lot of girls are like that, normal girls, just not some of the girls at this school."

I exhale, look back at those buns that remind me of when we were ten, all that work that still needs to be done so girls that look like her, not white or black enough, are never called anything but what they are. How alone she was in a school full of white kids, a majority of them overtly racist, and a minority of black kids that didn't talk to her, some that fucken look at her now at that damn high school. And I exhale, knowing she doesn't see those fucken idiots look at her because she's too Jazmine to see them or is trying to give them another chance.

I inhale, seeing that fucken idiot that should be in the back talking to that guy asking him if he needs help, see him respond that he doesn't but he should get back to making that pizza before he gets behind. I see him look at those buns and see him turn around, walking towards the back. Fucken idiot.

I hear Phil say, "That's true, normal usually means people that don't wanna hook up right away, don't get mad just because you don't wanna hook up with them, because you're just getting to know each other, letting that other stuff happen if it does, but that kind of normal isn't really normal at this school."

I see that smile and see her ask him about his school. That Jazmine head.

Then I hear Lauren say, "So, if you're saying that's not normal, being normal and not wanting to, you know, be a sata at this school, doing that kind of stuff with people really fast, does that mean the people that don't do that are not normal?"

I inhale, see her asking him about his classes, knowing she's safe, and I need to monitor his whereabouts, those phone calls at the very least. I look down at my phone, grab it, go to that screen, and hear my brother say, "McHater didn't your ass say it be like half the females at this school that are hoes."

I exhale, get to that screen, nod, and say, "I said statistics, based on flawed anonymous surveys, show of the U.S. population forty percent of high school students have had sex by our age, within that group ten percent have had multiple partners, but of course kids lie on surveys and more than likely more than that have had sex and with multiple partners, you add the idiot superman complex with the baseless thinking of superiority from these kids, you get the prevalence of STD's, high teenage pregnancies, low birth weight, the health issues those children, possible addictions, they will have. And then outside of this school where the lower middle classes live, they also live in that cycle, in a country that prides itself in not having classes, having what it calls upward mobility to move up from poverty to the middle class, which is next to impossible when you don't come from money, parents who can help you fill out an online college application where filing tax returns for years is necessary, parents that have the money where their kids don't have to work through college, which lead many college students to drop out, all of that of course only possible if they don't have children on the way there."

I exhale, see no new phone calls in the last hour since the last one was made from New York, go to the next page to see his credit cards, knowing I have more research to do on tonight's fucken events, and then the platforms, and say, "But all of this differs per socioeconomic status, age, looks, and of course race, where at least for some time it's been Latino teenagers outpacing blacks in having higher birth rates, but that could be due to blacks finally starting to climb out of poverty, although not nearly by enough because we still don't have enough economic and political power, because with money, wealth, comes higher education, advantage, awareness, like knowing birth control is not a lifestyle but necessary for health reasons to only have kids when you have a backyard where they can play and won't get shot walking down the street because they pulled down their pants to look cool. Because having pants too low is enough for the police to stop-and-frisk them, give them a warning, then a citation, and finally put them in jail when they find a joint on him he bought from the white kid in his class, giving that black sixteen year old a record for finding drugs on him. But that kid, white, Latino but white enough he looks white that sold him the joint, didn't get stopped-and-frisked. He's at school, in class, will probably graduate, go to some college with the possibility of it being an ivy league, even if his mother also got pregnant with him at the same age the black mother of that kid sitting in jail got pregnant, because even if those two women made the same mistakes as teenagers, not being aware that birth control was not a lifestyle but for their future, the fact that their skin color is different means their children's skin color will also be different and that difference will lead to those outcomes, the cycle of falling again into poverty from a criminal record in a country where upward mobility is used to tell the rest of the world how great it is to live here."

I exhale, seeing the last time he used his credit card was at a liquor store in New York, knowing now what alcohol does for that fucken disgusting piece of shit. Maybe tonight, after she spends time with her family, I can crawl through her window, just to make sure she's safe.

I hear the exhales and hear my brother say, "Damn McHater. Just asked if half the females at this school are hoes. Shit."

I exhale and hear that girl, Lily, say, "Yeah, I can see why it wouldn't have worked out."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at her, see her start laughing, hear them laugh, and hear Lena say, "Told Jazzy that I'm just not into that stuff. I know it, I get it, reason I'm here is cuz of my old school not having enough money, the white man, I get it. But I don't know, I mean just with my parents and our cousins always telling my ass I had to do this and that, be this and not be that, I don't know, I just got tired of it. I mean I love being black and I'm sure gonna take one or two classes in college about our history but right now I ain't gotta fight it all, just be good at what I like, keep getting straight A's in my math because I'm damn good at it, will be done with the math classes they have at this school next year when I take infinitesimal calculus, then I'll see what elective I take to fill that period. Maybe I can even start helping in the afterschool math tutoring class and be like almost a teacher and shit. That would be so cool. I can even use that to get into a university where I can major in math and then be a teacher. And I don't know maybe come back here and teach at this school and we can get a house and have a dog and a Jazzy. Oh shit, did I tell you'll I'ma name her Blue Ivy like Beyoncé and…"

I feel my mouth open, see her continue talking to the girls, look at Phil, and see him smiling at Lena.

I shake my head, look over at those hips, see those boxes being placed on the counter, feeling my exhale, and hear Hiro say, "You'll planning kids and shit?"

I look over at him, see him smirking looking at Lauren, and hear Lauren say, "Well just like one or two, maybe, yes, we are."

I hear the laughing and hear Caesar say, "Alright, alright, but can someone tell me what the point of this conversation was? Mean weren't we talking about people that mess around after the first date, something 'bout what normal is at this school, how many thirsty girls we found here, still can't fucken believe that shit, and then Hu started stating facts about this country, but didn't go into why stopped-and-frisked is used by the courts to keep brothers in jail, which is making me question his loyalty to the cause. But going back to what I think was the point of this conversation I'm just gonna say you'll should just know normal at this school means not a damn thing when normal is dropping numbers, addresses, fucken times and dates to show up, and not being normal is what I know only you all and you're friends are, which has to mean you all are special and, aside from us wanting to, that's why we gotta walk you to and from lunch."

I exhale, hear the groans again, and hear the girls all start saying how sweet Caesar is, shake my head, and hear Hiro call me.

I look over at him and hear him say her name.

I look over at her, get up, take those steps, seeing him say something about why she showed up, see her respond, 'Because Cairo I wanted to,' see her stop, look over at him, and see him say, 'But I told your ass not to go.'

I take that last step, stand behind her, and say, "And why the fuck would you say anything to her?"

I see him inhale looking at her, see him look up at me, see his chin rise, and he says, "Cuz I have to take care of her cuz your ass can't fucken do that."

I take that step up, feel that back on my chest now, not moving out of my way, possibly trying to stop me, and hear that voice under me say, "Cairo, I saw you punch that guy and," and I hear him cut her off with, "Your ass means that fucken crazy ass white boy that still shows up after class but turns 'round when he sees my ass."

I feel her inhale, look down at her, and put my hands around those shoulders bringing her in.

I hear him inhale, look up at the fucken idiot, and say, "The fuck is wrong with you? You think after tonight she needs this shit, to be reminded of that? And you didn't do a fucken thing. I was a foot and a half away from her, had my hand on her the moment she pushed that fucken asshole back because punching him was the last fucken thing on my mind. First thing was grabbing her, not going after someone I'm going to find later you piece of shit but all you fucken thought of was sucker punching him in front of her, not her fucken safety, knowing she can swing better than any girl, she needs to be safe first, and then, only then you piece of shit that thinks showing off in front of her is more important than her safety, do you punch him until he blacks out. But leave it to you to not think about her falling back, getting hurt, when I'm sure if you had time to swing at him you had the fucken time to grab her, but you didn't. Instead you swung to show off, like you did right now, telling her you do anything for her, walking out of the same fucken class where she has friends or can wait for me in class, and then coming here to talk to her when she's possibly, maybe trying to not fucken think about tonight. How the fuck," and I feel that hand squeeze my thigh harder a second time.

I see that fucken idiot look down at her, see him exhale, and he says, "Jazmine, look, I just worry 'bout you and," and I hear her cut him off with, "Cairo. Thank you. I have to go."

I feel her turn towards the table holding those pizza boxes, look down at the peripheral of that face, those eyes darting from left to right, trying to fucken dry them before she cries, and I inhale.

I see her turn that face to me, see that small smile, and hear her say she's fine but she wants to go to the table. I nod, let go of those shoulders, and see her start walking towards our friends.

I close my eyes. Fuck. She was having a good time. Fuck!

I open my eyes turning towards the table, see Lily taking those boxes from her hands, and see Cindy hug her.

I inhale and hear him say, "I know I keep fucking up but she's gonna see I can take care of her better, fuck up assholes that try to do shit, like getting her fucked up on that shit that make 'em go to sleep, something you ain't fucken stop."

I exhale, remembering that moment when I saw her hit that asshole, the cloth in his hand as she pushed him back, and try to remain calm saying, "You saw that fucken psychotic shit put that on her face, only something you could've seen if you were close, and you let it happen, only to try to save her after, not knowing what that cloth had, what kind of drugs, something that could damage her possibly permanently, make her weak enough to fall and hurt herself, and you could've stopped it. What a fucken piece of work you are."

I hear him inhale, see those greens look at me, see that small smile, exhale, and say, "I don't fucken see you at school other than in passing and I don't want to see you outside of work, if you ever fucken show up there. Stay the fuck away from her and do me a fucken favor and go to hell."

I take that step and hear him say, "Been there."

I inhale, see her pat the place next to her, feeling my exhale, and say, "You saw a few dead bodies, had a few broken bones, smoked weed, hardly what I call hell when you didn't fucken know homeless wash themselves where they can. I saw more than that by the time I met you and have seen much more since, dead bodies that shouldn't have been there when all I needed was to retrieve a gun, being reminding of what that family in Chicago does, the family that cuts up body parts because they want to transport them in smaller bags, the family you say doesn't make me good enough for her, but at least I would never go after a fucken psychotic asshole before making sure she doesn't fall on a metal staircase and hurts herself, because watching her bandage up somehow is fine for you, wouldn't be hell for you, but you think you would take care of her better."

I hear him say something pointless, start walking, and see her smile. I take those steps faster, get to the table, sit down, hear the exhales, and say, "Do you want to go home?"

I see that fine eyebrow rise, see that smirk, and she says, "I have everyone here and when we get home we're gonna spend hours watching movies with my mom and we still gotta eat this whole cheese pizza that I got a discount on, so no, let's eat."

I exhale, see her turn to them, grabbing one of those slices, putting it on my plate, and hear her say, "So, why were you all talking about doing stuff with people after one or two dates?"

I feel my eyebrows rise, surprised and not irritated, and hear Lily I believe say, "Do you mind-read and shit? Lena, what else I gotta know 'bout the sister?"

I see her giggle, feeling my smirk, knowing she's not getting up again, and hear Cindy say, "She ain't mind-read Lily, just does that weird shit McHater does when they read lips."

I put my arm around those shoulders, see her swallow that bite looking at Cindy, and she says, "I don't sis, just a little. But I did see Mimi say something about going out with people and doing stuff with them, so what were you all talking about?"

I exhale, see her put down that slice, see her grab those napkins, start dabbing my slice of that somewhat good pizza, taking the extra ounce of grease off, and hear Cindy say, "Wells, we just all agreed our big bro is a fucken sweetheart."

I look over at her, see her roll her eyes at the table, point at my brother next to her, and she says, "'Cute' and 'sweetheart', his fault."

I hear the laughing, look back at those buns laughing like that again, hearing them talking about how football plays, having sex on the first date, pregnancies, and that chat her sister and my cousin asked her to start on those platforms all connect to each other. And then I see those eyes shine when Lily ask that Jazmine head about why she likes focusing on children and families, how Ming is finding those organizations to help them, how Lauren wants to see if she can help contacting organizations that focus on Latinos in poverty and how they can help, hearing Lena ask if maybe she can help tutoring kids in math and possibly Lily can help if she has time. And I know, I do, Caesar is right about how special they are, my brother could be right about statistics possibly not meaning much in this kind of conversation, Hiro is right about not berating them about talking about kids even if we are this young, and Phil was right about making sure we define normal, something I'm starting to believe none of us are.

I feel that kiss on my chin, look down, see that slice almost dry from all the dabbing she did to it in her hand folded in half lengthwise, and go down and take that bite, hearing them laugh, knowing even if I do feel relaxed, I'm still crawling through her window tonight.

* * *

I exhale and say, "Mom?"

I see those pretty eyes blink, feeling that arm over my shoulders, and hear my sister say, "Mama?"

I see my mom inhale, see her blink, and she says, "I'm going to talk to Mrs. McNeil tonight and," and I say, "But mom, you don't have to, and I'm fine, we're," and hear her say, "Jazmine."

I inhale. No.

I see her exhale, see her smile, remembering how beautiful, not pretty, beautiful, my mom is, and she says, "Baby, I know you're used to me calling you that when you're in trouble, the few times you've ever been, and really they were all incidents where you happen to worry me, running out onto the front yard when I told you not to. Really, I only ever called you by your name when you worried me, like I am right now."

I exhale, feel that head on my shoulder, see those blue eyes look at my sister, see her smile get bigger, and she says, "I know you're strong, I know you're brave, and I know you can take on the world and turn it around with how generous and loving you are, but this time it has gone too far."

I feel my sister exhale, feel her nod on my shoulder, see my mom look at me, and say, "But mom, I promise we're okay, please, I just don't wanna worry you. I know with that happened last weekend and now this, it's just a lot, and I," and I inhale, seeing her get up from the one-person sofa, see her walk up to us, and see her kneel in between us.

I see those eyes water, see her inhale looking at us too far away that I want to reach out to touch her pretty hair, and she says, "One day, many years from now, when you're married with the people that mean the world to you, and have children with them, in any way you want, the traditional way, adoption, or being gifted with another beautiful daughter knowing you had to do something right in order to have two daughters like I do, when you have that, you will understand that although I'm happy you two are strong, intelligent, and capable young girls, I will always, the moment I know you're in danger, regardless of how I will be affected, protect you, making sure I always take the force of it, legally and in every way I can. And this, threatening you, having to lie to her to keep her from talking about a family matter that she has no right knowing, and then gathering those people, destroying public property, and more important to me, trying to hurt my, my babies, my babies that belong to me, and your friends that all have helped you be happy and I know are goodhearted girls that do not deserve that kind of burden at school, that treatment, that harassment, and now a physical attack that went beyond a school fight and involves trying to force drugs into your bodies to make you unconscious to do only god knows, all of this is far pass the place where you are no longer being hurt, because you are. So, I'm going to call her family right now, tell them everything that happened tonight, and tell them they either get that girl help or I'm filing a restraining order and I will, I will call old and new friends, because I will not have my daughters and their friends threatened like this one more time or so help me god I will destroy that family."

I feel myself move, put my hands around her waist, hugging her, feeling my little sister hugging her from on top, hearing her sniffles, and hearing that small voice say she was scared because she saw them trying to get me and then couldn't see me and she wanted to run to me but Riley didn't let her telling her Huey would take care of me but next time this happens she's cutting someone. I exhale, sniffle, remembering how scared I was because I couldn't see anyone and then hearing that voice, Zack's voice, because that was Zack's voice. I knew that voice before Cairo even said anything tonight. And then after hearing that voice feeling that dizziness, holding on to that railing, not sure why I was so scared thinking it was only him and I standing there, and then not seeing her for so long, how relieved I felt when I saw those two braids, wanting to cry but not remembering how to I think because I was in shock from the explosions, how relieved I felt when I saw those braids I love next to Ming and Lauren.

I nod and say, "I love you mommy. I love you sissy."

I hear them say they love me to and let the tears from tonight finally come out.

* * *

I hear that knock, roll my eyes, knowing he's a lot more romantic than he thinks.

I close my book, put my pen down, stand up, walk over to the window, move the curtains, unlock the window, open it, move back, and see those eyes blink in that tree, looking me up, feeling my face get warm, and say, "Bestie are you coming in?"

I see him look down at that branch like he always does, so cautious, even if I don't know if I could because I don't like looking down when I'm up high. I see him take those steps, step on the sill, sit down on the sill, and step into my room.

I walk up to him, see him look down at me, and I look away, embarrassed that maybe my pink spaghetti strap and my fluffy white shorts are a little revealing, knowing I have to focus on something.

I exhale, walk around him, back to the window, hearing him take off his shoes, close the window, seeing that place where that car was, and shake my head.

I lock the window, close the curtains, and feel those hands on my hips.

I exhale, close my eyes, put my head back on that shoulder, feeling him kissing my right shoulder, and hear him whisper, "Alarm."

I say, "You saying that reminds me of the times I would forget to set it before walking out of the house, before we set it up to automatically turn on every day, back when we were just best friends."

I feel that bite on my shoulder, hear myself moan, trying to be quiet, and put my hand on that thigh, next to his cock.

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Jazmine, alarm. Please."

I inhale, nod, and say, "Okay."

I hear him exhale, feel him start to let go of my hips, and then I feel him hesitate.

I exhale, feel my small smile, and say, "I'll be right back and then we can talk about tonight okay?"

I hear him exhale longer I think, feel him nod on my shoulder, and feel him let go of me.

I turn and walk around him, not looking at him or I might kiss him and I need to set the alarm that I turned off one minute ago when he texted me.

I open my door, walk down the hallway, grab the control we keep up here on the table in the hallway, press the alarm button, look down to the first floor, and see the little green light on the wall turn on.

I put the control down, walk back, hearing that sweet laugh coming from her room, hearing her ask if he's passed that mission yet, and feel my smile.

I walk back into my room, close the door behind me, lock it, and then exhale looking at the doorknob.

I feel my smile and unlock it.

I turn around, see that white muscle shirt, happy even if I shouldn't be that he ran out of those clean white t-shirts and I'm sure he's going to have to do his laundry this weekend, feeling myself lick my lips, look up at that cute smirk, and he says, "Unlocked?"

I feel my smile, see him exhale with that cute half smile, and say, "Well, my mom is the reason I have that lock, she never walks in without knocking, same with my sister, this is my home where everyone that lives here is someone that loves me and I trust, so I don't wanna lock it."

I see him exhale, see him nod, see that scrunched forehead, and he says, "Let's talk first."

I inhale, nod, and feel my small smile. I like when he talks. And I really, really like how much he talks when it's just us.

* * *

I hear him say, "That's fine. I'm not worried about her actually doing any damage herself and eventually money runs out, her parents will start noticing wherever she's getting the money to pay those idiots, and those others, male and female, the ones after all of you will be taken care of."

I inhale, look up at those dark burgundy eyes, and say, "Huey, you guys aren't doing anything right?"

I feel that chest exhale and hear him say, "Jazmine, it needs to be done."

I put my hands on that chest, sit up, and say, "No."

I feel that chest go up with his inhale, feel him put those hands on my hips, and hear him say quietly, "Jazmine, I." I see him exhale and I move down and kiss those lips, that chin with that stubble from today, those cheeks, hearing myself tell him I don't want him getting hurt even if he's Huey Freeman, the best fighter I know, and I don't want our friends getting hurt even if Laurie's right and they can handle anyone at this school and in Chicago but, and I feel him kiss me back.

I put my hands on those shoulders, kneading those muscles under that tight muscle shirt, feel him kissing my face, and hear him say, "Jazzy, I need to."

I exhale, knowing something's wrong because he said he needs to, and say, "What's wrong?"

I feel that face go into my shoulder, into my hair I think, feel those arms go around my waist, and pull me into him.

I exhale, hugging him with my forehead on the pillow he's on, and say, "Huey, everyone's fine, everyone's safe. Tell me what's wrong, please?"

I feel him inhale, feel him exhale, and hear him whisper, "Jazmine, trust me. On this one. Just on this one. Let me handle this one and don't ask questions."

I exhale and say, "Huey, there's so much I still don't know. I don't know about all the things you did in Chicago, the books you read there, the good and bad ones, how much you really know about that place, those people, things maybe you haven't told me because you don't wanna think about them, but I know they're there. I felt them, when we were visiting your mom and dad, talking about that night your mom left that family. I felt it when you told me about their money in Aunt Cookie's house. I feel it now. There's more but you don't wanna think about it maybe because it's all ugly but know when you're ready I wanna know all of it, no matter how ugly it is, because I don't want you alone in your head thinking about it. I want you to tell me until you get sick of it, bored of it, and then know that none of those things matter because you're Huey Freeman, Freeman, son to your mom and dad, not connected to those other people. And then, there's also the other stuff I don't know about, like those jobs you did that you've only told me a little about and I still wanna know more about, almost kind of like I was there, next to you, those days that you would leave for a whole day on Saturday and sometimes wouldn't come back until Monday morning, and I didn't know where you'd gone, and all you'd tell me is you had to do some work. Now I know, I know that was the work you were doing. You were only ten, eleven, doing those jobs for a lot of reasons and I don't care that they promised nothing would go on your record, you were little Huey, you shouldn't have been doing that stuff. You were my best friend and I think about what would've happen if you didn't come back, about what would've happen to everyone that loves you. And that's all important stuff I still don't know enough about. I don't. And then there's this dumb high school stuff, this stuff that doesn't matter. And I don't want you alone in your head thinking about those things you learned about that family, those jobs you did, and now this stuff. So, tell me at least this and that other stuff, the stuff that's still hard for you to talk about, the stuff that matters, I promise, I promise Huey, I'll give you all the time you want to talk about that. I'll trust you'll know when to tell me that stuff, I'll give that to you, but this stuff, the high school stuff, let me have this, let me have this one, and let me ask questions, please?"

I exhale, feeling him exhale, and give him that time he needs to think.

Then, after a little while, I feel myself blink, and hear him say, "An hour ago I hacked into his social media accounts, and he has." I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Writings about a girl that he describes, how much he thinks of her, how everyone at his school thinks it's just a crush, nothing, how even she thinks that, but really she understands him because like him she's mix, has two races in her that normally would not mix, and she looks at him in school but can't be with him because others won't let her, but he'll have her, marry her one day, and."

I feel him inhale and hear him say, "Tonight he almost had her, was going to take her home, and she pushed him away because she doesn't understand she belongs to him."

I inhale, feeling his temperature rising, feel those arms holding me tighter, feel myself blink, moving my hands back onto those shoulders to help him relax, for some weird reason remembering how strong my mom is, how much she loves us, how she'll destroy a family for us, how I come from her stock and say, "He's not scarier than what I've been through, he's not scarier than a man that wanted to take me away to Utah and we know was here last week, he's just a guy that's thinks I'm something I'm not, whatever's in his head, and I'm stronger than he thinks. That's why I pushed him away because I'm stronger than that. So, if you need to do this Huey, if you need to, fine. But I'm going with you, you're," and I feel him sit up, bringing me up with him, bring my legs into me, and hear him say, "Jazmine, no, you are not," and I sit up on my feet, sit back down on his lap, feeling him inhale, and bring my legs in and around him, holding his waist.

I feel him exhale, looking at those eyes, and say, "Huey, yes, I'm going with you, and you're gonna give yourself a few days before that okay, just a few days, not thinking about any of that for those days, just letting me be close to you to take care of you, knowing I'm not going into any dark allies without you, you're just gonna focus on the platforms, emails, cases for a few days, and after those days, when you decide if you still wanna go do anything about it, you're taking me with you, and the reason you're taking me with you, where I promise to stay in the car, is to prove to him that I'm not scared enough that I'm staying home and letting you take care of things. I'll be waiting there for you in the car to come back to me so I can give you kisses because I know you're gonna need them, like you probably needed them after every one of those jobs you did but didn't get them back then because we weren't dating yet, but you're gonna get them now whenever you have to do something scary even if you don't think it's scary, and I'm gonna be in the car until you train me enough to go out there with you, and I promise to listen, not leave the car, only if you need extra weapons and I have to take them to you, waiting in the car until you're done threatening whoever you gotta threaten. And after that, after that's done, we're coming home, I'm sleeping over or you're sleeping over, even if it's during the week again, and then you're gonna let that go, whatever that bad thought is in your head, and you're gonna keep focusing on things that matter okay? And no arguing with me about this."

I see him exhale longer, way longer.

I feel my smile because he's not saying no right away, kiss that nose, and move back. I look at those eyes, see that head tilt a little like he does in that cute, and hear him say, "Too much has happened tonight, we angered fucken idiots I couldn't care any damn less about but they will be angry, your friends, your sister, you will all be their targets at least until things settle, so this week and for as long as it's necessary you're staying close, closer than usual, that means no leaving your last class until I get there, try to not leave during class to the restroom, wait until in between periods where those kids are out and walking around if you do need to use the restroom. I'm sure my brother and friends will be going over some of this standard protocol with their girlfriends, if they haven't done so already. And, because I trust you, I'll take that time and I'll stop thinking about it, not just for a few days but this week, I'll let your mother handle threatening that girl's family with her reputation and any other resources at her disposal, which will anger that girl but could also have the side effect or deterring others from doing anything else to all of you, afraid of your mother's threats, so we'll see how this turns out, and next week, when I plan how to go about other pointless issues, I'll tell you so you know where I'll be while you wait in the car, but you have to promise Jazmine, you have to, you will stay where I tell you, you have to or I won't be able to focus."

I smile, knowing I only asked him to not do anything about tonight, go after dumb people or do anything to them, for a few days, just a few days, but he's going to wait a whole week, and then decide. And he's Huey Freeman, and I really can't stop him when he needs to or wants to do something, I can't, but at least I'll be close to him and that's all I want. And he's going to wait a whole week to decide. My Huey.

I see those pretty eyes blink, feel my smile get bigger, nod, and say, "Of course bestie, I just don't want you there alone, this week or next week. I really don't want you alone anywhere anymore, because you've been alone too long, in Chicago when you didn't have Caes, on those jobs here, and then in your head. And I don't want you alone anymore ever."

I feel him kiss me, fast, hard, and then slow, slow, feeling those hands on my lower back, those kisses going down my chin, my neck, making me look up at my ceiling even if I can't see those stars up there because I have my eyes closed, feeling those kisses, and hear that monotone voice say, "That Jazmine head."

I feel my closed eyes glaze over, slowly, feeling those kisses, and hear him say, "I love you."

I inhale, hearing it, not knowing if I ever did anything good enough to deserve hearing it from him, even if saying I love you to people should be free, where people say that to each other without expecting anything in return, but still, hearing him say that, feeling those kisses on my chest, his hands on my shoulders, pushing my arms down, and his hands moving the straps on my shirt down my arms, I hope whatever I did today, if I did anything to deserve all of this, I do it again every day of my life.

And then, feeling my nipples get cold from my shirt not covering them anymore, feeling those hands holding my waist again, I hear that inhale, feeling that cock between my legs move, and feel that mouth cover my nipple, I think.

I put my hands on those arms, those muscles, right above his wrists, his 'forearms' they're called that I found out when I was reading this week about how to help older people walk, but I can't think or remember anything right now. All I feel is myself shaking, squeezing those forearms as hard as I can, feeling the vibration through my nipple with his groan, the groan I now know emanates from his stomach, goes up his chest, where his laugh comes from, and know I was right because no matter what, dumb people, people that don't matter, things have only gotten better, so much better.

* * *

I want kids. So many. Later, way later. But right now I want to take care of them.

I feel my smile get bigger, hear that cute giggle, hear someone tell someone else to not be loud, and I inhale, trying to not laugh.

I put my leg over the metal bedframe, remembering the mattresses are in the back being 'aired out' they call it, bring my other leg over the bedframe, hear that cute giggle again, making me want to laugh so much, step as lightly as I can closer, closer, behind the brown box with extra clothes, and stop. Hmm, how do I do this?

I feel my eyes open, feel my smile, step on the metal bedframe, put my palms on the box as wide as my shoulders, push myself up higher than the box, inhale, knowing I wasn't this strong last year, put my elbows down on the box, and start crawling over the box.

Then I see those cute buns, seeing them move, and hear a tiny voice whisper, "You think she find us Tam Tam?"

And I feel my heart swell. Oh my god.

I look down, see Tia's head on Tamera's shoulder, and see Tamera kiss Tia's head, feeling happy and sad at the same time. Happy they have each other, sad I didn't have her when we were that little, and happy I have her now.

Then I hear Tamera say, "I don't know but she was really fast helping in the office and I think she was helping doing other stuff so she's super-duper smart but we did get a real good hiding place."

I exhale, knowing we're having them sleep over soon, and go down, hearing them scream, and then hearing them laughing as I'm tickling them.

Then I hear a voice say, "Girls, you," and hear him stop.

I smile, look over my shoulder, see Frank smiling, shaking his head, and hear Tamera say, "Daddy! Daddy! Jazzy found me and TT so fast and then started tickling us, and then…."

And I look back at them, see Tamera standing up looking at him, talking really fast, like all eight year-olds talk, and see those two little buns on her little five year-old sister jumping up and down so excited, listening to her sister talk. I exhale, happy I get to have her now.

Then I hear him say, "That's great baby, but remember you and TT still have to do your homework today okay?"

I see those cute pursed lips, feel my smile, and say, "You don't wanna do homework Tam Tam?"

I see her look at me with those pursed lips, see that confused cute face, and she says, "No. It's not fun."

I hear an exhale and hear Frank say, "But baby what did mommy say?"

I see Tamera look at him, see her exhale, see her look down at her shoes, embarrassed I think, and hear her say quietly, "That learning stuff is fun and I just gotta do it and it'll be fun."

I hear that exhale from him, look back at him, see him looking at them like that, feeling my heart break a little, knowing Leo cares about my sister and me, remembering how he called that night last week, called us the next day when we stayed home even if Huey and Riley were there just to check on us, and how he came over after work that day I think just to hug us before I left with Huey to the nursing home and the shelter. He cares about us I think a lot. But, I still hope one day he looks at us like that when we're not looking, like Frank is doing right, looking at Tamera and Tia like they're perfect, because daughters are perfect, perfect like my talented, beautiful, and fun sister that can make anyone smile because she's so much fun and can make anything fun. And I feel my eyes open, and say, "Frank, can I, um, say something?"

I see him look at me, see him smile, and she says, "If you think it will help, please do."

I nod, look back at them, remembering a man saying that a long time ago to me, when I was looking at a cute little girl that reminded me of my little sister, I think in Chicago. I see Tamera looking down still with Tia holding on to her arm looking up at Tamera, both in those cute pink tutus, and say, "How about we make homework fun?"

I see them look up at me with those pretty dark eyes, that skin color that kind of reminds me of that little girl from Chicago, both things I think they got from their mom, see that confused look on those faces, and Tamera says, "But how? Homework's hard and not fun."

I feel my smile and say, "But we're girls and we can do anything, at least that's what my mom says."

I see those cute pursed lips turn into a smile, see Tia start jumping up and down, and hear Tamera say, "Okay. I know mommy says that and she's super super smart so I wanna do it."

I smile and hear him say, "Thanks Jazzy."

I look over my shoulder, see Frank smiling at me, feeling so happy he's here talking with Mr. Willis and Huey about some places he said want to donate here, remembering how Monica said she needed to go back to their office to do some things, and I told them I had already helped cleaning and was just organizing in the office so I could help taking care of Tamera and Tia while she went to their office, seeing how big Monica's smile got when Tamera and Tia started jumping up and down saying they wanted to play with me.

I look back down at those two little girls, hearing them talk about how smart their mom is and I start crawling back over the box, and hear a tiny voice say, "Jazzy how you come down?"

I look over at them, see those cute freckles I didn't remember on Tia's nose until today, maybe because before they moved here I would only see her and her sister once a year when they would come with Monica to visit, not really remembering a lot about them because it was mostly Frank that would be here helping Mr. Willis when they would visit, and say, "Well, I can do it by myself or I can have strong, smart girls help me grabbing my legs and pulling them down, but where can I find strong, smart girls? Hmm, do you two know where I can find two girls like that?"

I see their eyes get big, hear Frank laugh I think talking to someone, see Tamera raise her hand, and hear Tia say, "I can, I can, Jazzy," and hear Tamera cut her off saying, "TT you gotta raise your hand like in school."

And I start giggling seeing Tia's eyes get big, close her mouth, and raise her hand. I start laughing harder and say, "Okay, since I was asking about two girls and Tam Tam raised her hand first, how about I ask you Tam Tam first for the name of one smart, strong girl you know that can help me."

I see her mouth open, hear her say, "Yeah Jazzy, me, I mean." I see her stop, see her look over at her little sister, who still has her hand raised really high, see Tamera smile at her, look back at me, and she says, "My lil' sister TT cuz she's really smart and knows all her alphabets and can read really fast and she's really strong because I see her swing really high in recess."

I exhale, feeling my smile, nod, and say, "That's a really strong and smart little sister you have." And I see Tamera smile and nod.

I turn to Tia, see her hand is halfway down now, see that confused look on her, and say, "Okay, Tam Tam found me one strong and smart girl that can help me, how about you TT, do you know another girl that's close by that's also smart and strong and can help me get down from here?"

I see that small hand in that long sleeved pink shirt come down, see her pursed her lips, thinking with that smart little brain of hers, see her exhale, looking at the ground in front of her, and hear her tiny voice say, "I was gonna say me but Tam Tam picked me, so I don't know."

I smile and say, "Well let's look around, do you see any other girls that are like that, that are close by?"

I see her look up at me with her mouth open, see her start looking around, see her look over at where Frank is, and hear her say, "Not there cuz not girls, um."

I see her look at her other side, see her look at her sister, see her mouth open bigger, making me giggle, see her grab her sister's arm, start jumping up and down, and she says, "Jazzy, I pick Tam Tam, she really smart and reads the fastest and she knows stuff about bugs and cartoons and at recess she pushes me on the swing and makes me go high and she's strong and she's my favorite."

I start laughing seeing Tamera smile at her little sister, hearing an exhale I think from wherever Frank is even though I can hear Frank laughing, and say, "Okay then, we got two strong, smart girls, and I need their assistance. You two grab that girl you picked, come over here, and grab my legs so you can help me down okay?"

I see them grab each other's hand, making my heart get so big knowing sisters get to have that, and see them start walking around the box.

Then I feel those tiny hands grab each one of my legs, one pair of hands barely able to reach my right leg, and I start moving back slowly to make sure they see how I'm moving.

I bring my legs down, my hips, feeling those tiny hands holding on to my legs still, put my palms back on the box, lift myself up, and slowly, even though it's really hard since I still have a lot of training in that part of my body I have to do, bring my body down using just my arms to keep me steady, not wanting to just jump down because I don't want to hurt my two tiny assistants.

Then I feel my shoes touch the floor, hearing Frank and I think someone else walking away, look down at those little cute assistants with those buns they wanted me to do for them, see them smiling, I think really proud of themselves, and say, "Okay then, that just proves just how strong you are. Now, we're gonna go prove how smart you both are and how we can do anything, starting with making homework fun."

I see them nod with those cute smiles, smile at them, turn around, and see that afro that makes him as tall as Frank swaying for a second before disappearing around the corner hearing Frank talking to him down the hallway, and wonder why he was out here. I'll ask him later.

I say, "Let's go get your awesome backpacks from the office and then we'll go to the kitchen okay?"

I hear them both 'okay Jazzy' and I start walking.

Then I inhale, feeling a tiny hand grab my right hand, and an even tinier hand grab my left hand.

I exhale, walking towards that hallway, holding those hands, knowing I get to have my little sister now, lots of friends that tell us they want to be our sisters or best friends, and now, maybe I can have really little sisters, and try to be more like my little sister, trying to teach them anything can be fun, even homework.

* * *

I hear a voice say, "Where are those little babies I love so much?"

I hear them inhale and start laughing, hearing the chairs move, seeing them stand up, and run out the door, hearing them telling her everything we were doing.

I exhale, look down at the table with their homework papers leaning on the wall with their coloring books open on the table, and think maybe Lena's right, being a teacher would be so cool.

I hear her say, "Is that true? My smart babies."

I laugh, look over at the entrance of the kitchen, see her kneeling there, and see that long brown hair that reaches her waist, and I exhale. I don't know a lot about her family but I know she's part black and part Native American. And I don't think I know any other people that have that much Native American in them. Like I know my mom has some that she says comes from my grandma, but I still don't know how that works, just that my grandma is creole and has African, French, and Native American in her that all come from my great grandma even though my great grandma mostly looked black. And I think my great grandpa and my grandpa only added the white part. And then Tom. I inhale. Tom used to say he had French, Indian, and African in him, even if the right description is Native American, not Indian. I roll my eyes. He was so wrong. But if he was at least a little right about that, that means I have African, French, and Native American from both my mom's family and his family. But still, I don't think I look like those parts enough, but maybe just a mixture of all of it, even if Lily did automatically think I was black. I feel my smile and then hear her say my name.

I look back at her, not remembering when I started looking at the table again, see her laughing, and she says, "I saw that you were looking at their coloring books but they said you also helped them have fun doing their homework."

I see her stand up in those jeans and that blouse, remembering seeing her in more formal clothes, dresses and heels, when I would see them, but I'm starting to think that was because they were visiting, and now they live here. I smile, seeing those eyes Tamera and Tia I think got from her, those awesome thick eyebrows I would kind of like to have, that long brown hair with a straight cut at the bottom, and that light chocolate colored skin and dark lips that I think come from her African side that make her look even prettier. I wonder if that's what my lips look like. I see her smile at me and she says, "And for the record and because it happens to be only us women in here right now I want to say although he's a very good looking boy, I can see why he was pining for you."

I feel my mouth open, see her start laughing, and hear Tamera say, "Who's pining mommy and what's pining?"

I look down at her and hear Monica say, "Oh baby, pining means to desperately long for someone, want them close to you, so much it makes you feel sad when they're not near you."

I know my face is red because I just can't imagine Huey feeling like that about anything, specially me, and Tamera says, "You mean like when daddy would get sad talking about our uncle?"

I exhale, wanting to hug them, see Monica crouch down in front of them again, looking at them, and she says, "Yes baby, that's a sort of pining for family we miss and love."

I see Tamera nod, kind of sad, and hear another tiny voice say, "But daddy not sad no more cuz uncle here."

I look over at Tia, see her looking at Monica with a cute smile, hear Monica laugh, and she says, "That's right pumpkin. Now that we're living here, in the house daddy and uncle Howie grew up in, it means we get to remember uncle Howie even more, having him closer."

I feel my sad smile, see that cute face scrunch up, and Tia says, "But mommy uncle Howie here with gwanpa helping. He's here."

I feel my mouth open and hear Tamera say, "TT that's not daddy's real little brother, that's uncle Howie that makes daddy and grandpa happy, so kind of daddy's little brother but not that uncle Howie, right mommy?"

I look over at Monica, see her smile at them, and she says, "That's right baby. We had an uncle Howie, daddy's little brother, that you didn't get to meet but you got to meet this uncle Howie that reminds me of how determined and strong and kind uncle Howie was and I know because I see it to, your daddy's not so sad anymore, because he gets to have reminders of his little brother in this uncle Howie, so many even grandpa isn't sad anymore, especially having his two little babies that remind him he needs to play in the backyard with them right now that the weather's nicer and drink lots of water and fruits and his medicine so he can keep being the happy, strong grandpa we love."

I exhale, thinking about our awesome Grandad that Huey said was going to go to a museum with Ms. Lola today, and Huey, who Mr. Willis calls Howie now, always, and Frank calls Howie half the time, how Huey answers to both names, and exhale, hoping he knows how much of a good person he is.

And then I hear someone say my name, feeling my eyebrow rise, and look up into the hallway.

I inhale. Great. Be nice Jazmine.

I see him look at me, confused I think, and see Monica stand up.

I look down at Tamera and Tia looking up at him and say, "Hey I still wanna see that last page you two are coloring for doing so well on your homework."

I see them turn to me, see their big smiles, and see them run back to the table, where I moved the microwave under the table since I had already mopped the kitchen, right before that warm brain brought in an extra chair from the office so both Tamera and Tia could sit at the table. And that was just weird, nice, but weird, telling him I didn't want a chair because I wanted to stand up to point at their homework, having them answer the questions on their own, acting out the answer as an animal or making animal sounds answering it or dancing while thinking about the answer, and I needed to stand up to make sure I could grab them and tickle them if they got the wrong answer. And then, the weird part happened, where he just stood there at the doorway, watching us, until I heard Mr. Willis tell 'Howie' he needed him. I wonder why he was just standing there watching us play a game I had remembered my mom used on me when I didn't want to do my homework, making me have fun doing homework. My mom. I feel my smile thinking about that microwave that was only a month old and she told Huey to bring from our house so the guys that stay here at night could bring their lunch and heat it up and not have to eat cold lunches. I exhale, thinking about all the ways my mom helps people and she doesn't talk about.

Then seeing them coloring, feeling my smile, knowing I kind of, really want little kids like them one day, I hear Monica say, "You must be Cairo. It's nice to meet you."

I feel my smile hearing Tamera tell Tia she wants to show uncle Howie that picture she's coloring and hear Cairo say, "Yeah, who's asking?"

I exhale and hear Monica say, "Well my name is Monica Willis."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "You Frank's wife?"

I walk over to Tamera and look down at that bun coming loose because she got her mom's hair where Tia's buns are staying in place because she has that thicker hair, a pretty brown afro.

I take the crunchy out, see Tia's long brown hair coming down from her right ponytail, start twisting it again, and hear Cairo say, "Thought you were black."

I exhale, twisting that long dark brown hair, and hear Monica say, "Although it is very forward of you to ask, I am, at least in part, specifically in the fact that I am a women of color, come from black and Native American heritage, both of which are treated with indifference at best in most situations, have been marginalized for centuries, and am overwhelmingly grateful I get to represent both in many cases because black people feel I understand their plight being a women of color, married to a black man, with black children, and Native Americans from many tribes see me as a gateway to understanding the legal field, and have even sough me out while I was not practicing. But I understand the confusion, seeing as someone like my husband, a black attorney who has giving his time, energy, years to fighting the conundrum that is the court system to blacks and all people of color, more so people that live impoverish lives, should be married to a woman that is completely black."

I inhale, twisting that silky hair that kind of reminds me of Huey's soft silky afro even if Tamera's hair isn't an afro, and hear Monica say, "But that's something hopefully you'll come to terms with later, something that most people only understand after many years of having a wonderful life with someone, and that is that skin color, physical characteristics associated with one people and not another, makes little difference to those people when they can trust you with their life, their cause, their work, the people they love, and you add to their life, their cause, their community, who is proud of them, their family, their wife who gave them two beautiful black daughters who will also make them proud, and in the meantime that wife that isn't completely black has won the trust of the community, his clients, by being exactly what she is, a women of color, because that is what matters, what someone brings to the table, how they propel others to do better, not leaving others to take care of the work they should have done the day before, which brings me to a question I have for you, and that is, based on some things my husband told me, you are not scheduled to be here until Monday, so please tell me why you're here."

I tie that little bun, hear the cute giggling between them, happy they don't know what we're talking about because they're little and need to just be little kids, not see the bad of the world until they have to, something my bestie, my Huey, didn't get to have.

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Wells, I cut out, I mean I couldn't come yesterday, wanted to come today."

We thought maybe he left early, but when we got here, saw that big smile on Mr. Willis, that smirk on Frank, kind of like they were waiting for us, we found out Cairo didn't come at all yesterday.

I hear Monica exhale, move those crayons off Tamera's paper, and hear Monica say, "But you were scheduled to be here yesterday, not today. And really there isn't much for you to do today seeing as the restrooms and hangar have already been cleaned."

I grab that bottle of lotion and whisper, "Lotion time?"

I feel my smile seeing both of them drop their crayons and stretch out their hands so I can put a dab on each hand.

I put that dab on their hands, put some on my hands, and hear him say, "Who cleaned?"

I hear Monica exhale and hear her say, "People that were also not scheduled to work today, one that doesn't work here at all, and I'm sure would not want me embarrassing them by talking about how they contribute to this shelter on days they should not be here."

I lather my hands in my lotion, seeing those tiny hands doing the same thing, happy I made him wear gloves to clean one restroom while I cleaned the other one, and then made him go to the office to clean up in there, look over his work, talk to Mr. Willis and Frank who I knew wanted to talk to him, while I took care of the hangar and the kitchen. And when I was done, I went to the office to reorganize the drawer with the shelter's bills because it's always messy, and then Monica walked in from the backyard with Tamera and Tia looking so cute in their tutus and their pink cheeks from running around and said she needed to go to their office.

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Alright."

Then I hear a tiny voice say, "Mommy can we go with Jazzy and help in the food room after?"

I exhale, feeling my smile, and say, "Little smarty pants. You remembered I said that?"

I see Tamera look up at me, see that cute smile, and hear Monica say, "What do you have to do in the storage room Jazzy?"

I look over at her, see Cairo still in the hallway, looking away, I think annoyed, and say, "Um, well I was just gonna go through the boxes of dry food and throw out the food that's expired. I know that's something no one ever has time for but I just remember during Thanksgiving how we could've had more space in there for the side dishes if we would've gone through those boxes before and I really wanted to do it on a day like this when we were just here to help without any plans on what time we're leaving."

I see her exhale with her smile, hoping I do have the color of her lips because it's so pretty, and she says, "You really have no plans for today? I mean isn't a special day coming up and you should start celebrating it the week before?"

I feel my smile, shake my head, feeling my face getting warm, wondering how many people know about that, and say, "No, I promise no plans, just here and then home, but I did kind of want to go to the nursing home to go see some of the residents, maybe help them a little just putting extra stuff in their restrooms, but that was it."

I see her smile get bigger, knowing for sure why Frank always smiles when he says anything about her, how beautiful she is, a kind of Disney black Pocahontas, and she says, "How about this then? That's a necessary step in giving people that come here to sleep a safe place where they know any food they find here will not be passed the expiration date and of course that will help make more room so this year we can have most of those side dishes in there rather than outside, so Cairo."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her turn to him, see him look down at her, see him nod, and hear her say, "You can take care of that today to replace the hours you did not work yesterday. Also, once that's done, if you're done with it before you decide to leave, you can also mop the storage room, of course making sure you move all the boxes from the floor. And you don't have to speak to my husband about this, I'm giving you clearance to work for the next few hours to take care of that."

I see Cairo exhale looking at her and he says, "Yeah. That'd be cool but can I still have a break, just go out awhile?"

I feel that tiny hand grab my hand, look down at Tia, and see her point at her paper where I see a horse she colored in pink with blue legs with a green and yellow striped horn she drew on his head to make him look like a unicorn, and then that big rainbow she drew in the back. I feel my smile and say, "It's the prettiest unicorn I've ever seen. Make sure to name him."

I see her nod with that cute smile, see her turn back to the table, and hear him say, "Alright. Thank you."

And then I feel my eyes get big looking at Tamera's drawing of a building she titled 'daddy's work' and see those figures on the grass outside of the building, each one with what they're wearing today. Mr. Willis with his cane and his nice slacks he wears now that they moved here because I think Monica takes care of his laundry now, Frank with his small afro, light brown eyes, the plaid button-down shirt and jeans he's wearing today, Monica with her dark eyes and thick eyebrows, long brown hair, in that light blue blouse and jeans, Tia with her two small buns, those cute freckles over her face, dark eyes, in that cute one-piece tutu and jeans, Tamera a little taller than Tia with her two small buns, the same eyes as Tia but with no freckles, in the same outfit as Tia, me in my two buns, really big green eyes, my freckles, in my pink t-shirt and jeans, and Huey with that big afro, those dark red eyes, and that jacket that I gave him for Christmas that he said he's going to wear until it doesn't fit. And I feel my eyes get watery seeing she wrote grandpa, daddy, mommy, TT, me, Jazzy, over us, and finally, uncle Howie over that big afro.

I sniffle, feel that arm going around my shoulders, and hear Monica say, "That's beautiful baby, you got all of us perfectly, and your little sister drew a unicorn you've been having fun with today."

I sniffle again, blink, trying to dry my eyes, and look over at Tia's paper, feeling my eyes get watery again and my big smile seeing she wrote Jazzy over that unicorn.

I exhale and say, "When I go to the nursing home right now, it is okay if I take them? My friend Mo works in the front and while I'm taking extra stuff to the residents' restrooms, I think that's all I'll do because I don't wanna disturb the residents when they have family and friends visiting them, Mo can watch," and I hear Monica cut me off saying, "Of course Jazzy. That way I can make sure dad's taken his medication and I can ask him a few questions the nurse said I should be asking him every day to keep him aware of his surroundings. Taking the girls with you would help me focus on him for a little bit."

I feel my small smile, nod, and say, "Tam Tam, TT, do you wanna do that? Go to the nursing home with me and meet my friend Mo?"

I see them look at each other with their smile, see them start jumping up and down in their seats, saying they want to go, and then hear that voice say, "Jazmine."

I feel my smile get bigger, look over at him, see those light burgundy eyes looking at me, leaning there on the doorframe, luckily with Cairo not there anymore, and then hear the chairs move, and see those little buns run over to him, jumping up and down in front of him, telling him how they want to go to the nursing home with me and they did their homework and is was so much fun and they're really strong and smart girls like their mommy and Jazzy and mommy said he makes grandpa and daddy not so sad anymore because he's uncle Howie.

I see him inhale, feel that arm leave my shoulders, feel Monica walking behind me, see her walk up to them with Tamera and Tia turning to look at her, see her stop, and hear her say, "Okay girls, I think that was a little overwhelming and maybe you shouldn't call Huey that for now okay?"

I exhale and then inhale, seeing Huey crouch down in front of those two pair of cute buns, feeling my mouth open, see Tamera and Tia turn back to him, see him looking at them, and he says, "It's fine but it's still mildly cold outside and knowing Jazmine she'll want to walk there, so you should probably get your jackets from the office where your father and grandfather are, and then your uncle Howie will walk you all to the nursing home, and maybe, if you listen about not crossing the street without us, not talking to strangers, maybe, if your parents allow it, there could be a treat afterwards."

I know my mouth is open, blink, see them start jumping up and down again, and see them run around him, I think towards the office to get their jackets.

I hear Monica laughing, see her walk up to Huey, see him stand up, and hear her say to him, "They already had lunch so any treat you get them should be fine and thank you Howie for," and I hear her stop and inhale, see that cute smirk only I can see on him, see him shake his head, and he says, "It really is fine. That name."

I see him exhale and he says, "I appreciate that name and it will be one treat for each with minimal amount of sugar and fat."

I exhale, knowing I'm so kissing him when we get home, hear Monica laugh again, see her put her hand on his shoulder, and hear her say, "That's fine and thank you. I'll go get them ready."

I see her walk around him, hearing her steps down the hallway, see those eyes look at me, and feel my mouth open, seeing him look me up, again, like this morning when I came back to my room in these jeans and t-shirt. Before that, when we woke up we had breakfast with my sister and Riley, my mom had left to work early leaving us a note saying she needed to do some things at work. After eating we called Caesar so he could put us on speaker. Ming and Lauren had slept over with Caesar and Hiro to even if it was Friday, I think because they asked their parents if they could because they wanted to be with their boyfriends after what happened at the game, so we got to talk to everyone. We all talked awhile and made up a kind of plan for the next week. Then, Hiro and Lauren left because Lauren wanted to go apply at some jobs, we started talking with Ming and Caesar about the platforms, emails, and my sister and Riley stayed for half the conversation while I braided Riley's hair and we all talked about the chats we opened with my sister and Loretta's ideas. Then they left to go to the Freeman house to hang out and I think play video games. We finished talking to Ming and Caesar, hung up, and went upstairs to change and brush our teeth. Huey brushed his teeth first with the extra toothbrush he has at my house now and then I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and change, giving him some space to change in my room. But then, when I walked back into my room, I saw him in that cute old black Nike t-shirt, knowing he was dressed in clothes to do some work at the shelter, in those faded jeans, seeing those clean toes I knew he would cover with thick white cotton socks. Those clean toes he has. I looked up at him, saw he was holding his phone, I think going through those emails to make sure we had talked about all of them, standing by my window with that pretty sunlight coming through the curtains making his maroons look really soft, and then he looked me up like that, the way he does when he makes me feel flushed. So, I walked up to him, swaying my hips, knowing he likes my hips, seeing that cute mouth open, and those eyelids come down a little. I walked around my bed up to him, grabbed his phone out of his hand, grabbed his other hand, and took him back to my bed, feeling my small smile because he had made my bed while I was in the bathroom. Then, I laid him back down on my bed, unbuttoned those faded jeans, took that cock out of those jeans and underwear, and tasted him. He had wanted to do things to me to but I told him we needed to come here and we could do that other stuff tonight.

I see him take that step, pass the doorframe, and walk up to me.

I look up at those eyes and he says, "I want my favorite fruit tonight."

I blink, feeling my whole face get so red, even though I know that could mean he really does want cut up strawberries or he wants to do that to me with his tongue again, and say, "Okay bestie, you can," and I taste his lips, putting my arms around those shoulders, and feel him put those warm, large hands on my waist, squeezing me.

I exhale, open my mouth to kiss that lip I really like, and feel that tongue go into my mouth. I close my eyes, moving my hands up into that warm afro, feeling that tongue caressing mine slowly, wanting this, when we kiss, to never, ever end, feeling him press his chest into me, and hear an inhale from somewhere and a voice say, "Need the shit to mop."

I move away, open my eyes, and see those lowered eyebrows, feeling my small smile. I see him exhale so annoyed and I mouth, 'Yes, tonight, you can have all of that, promise.'

I see him exhale with his nod and, not turning around to look at him, he says, "You need to go through the boxes first, get rid of the expired food, move the boxes onto the higher racks, sweep and then mop, so you don't need the cleaning supplies right now, and when you do, they're in the office, where Frank and Mr. Willis are, and you can ask them."

I see that face come back down and hear him say, "You the manager and shit, gotta ask you, and I want it now so I ain't gotta ask later."

I see him close his eyes, knowing he's so annoyed, go up, kiss that nose, hearing an exhale I think from Cairo again, and say, "Bestie, we might be gone awhile so maybe he should have the supplies."

I see him exhale, see those eyes open again, and I mouth, 'And you belong to me and I want you to calm down.'

I see that cute smirk, see him nod, move away, and feel those hands leave my waist. I see him turn, walking away, feeling my smile, happy he listens to me sometimes, and I turn back to the table. I smile at those awesome pictures in their coloring books, close those books, start putting their crayons back in the Crayola box, hearing his light steps as he's walking away and down the hallway, and then hear him say, "Do you want the supplies or not?"

I look over at the entrance of the kitchen and inhale seeing Cairo standing there looking at me.

I exhale, remembering last night, how I had to help him relax after we saw Cairo there at the game when he was supposed to be here, how for sure I thought he had left work early and not completely missed work, but even after that, after what happened at the end of the game, everything was okay, good, because we were all happy at that pizza place, trying to forget what happened at the end of the game, laughing about so many things, bets happening at the game, how sweet my big brother is, Huey telling someone to not be hard on themselves, how everything was perfect, until he showed up, and then the things Huey said to him. And Huey doesn't lie.

I turn back to the table and I keep putting the crayons in the box.

I hear him exhale and then hear him walking away.

I shake my head, knowing no matter what I'm going to stay positive because everything's okay right now, and we're going to have fun walking over to the nursing home with Tamera and Tia, seeing Mo, the residents, and then maybe getting those two cuties some treats, and I feel it, my smile's back. Thank you Black Jesus.

* * *

I'm going to die. Like, almost. No, I am. Of how cute this is.

I see that little cute smirk with those eyes looking forward and say, "I know you don't like me saying it but you look really cute right now."

I see those eyes look at me, see that smirk get a little bigger, maybe one other people can see, feeling my smile get bigger, see him roll his eyes, and he says, "Children expend energy a lot faster than adults. It was bound to happen, especially after taking them to get those treats and then burn off that energy."

I roll my eyes at his very Huey way of saying little kids get tired really fast, specially after running around from a sugar rush.

Then I hear a tiny voice say, "Sleepy."

I look down at her, see her yawn, and say, "You want me to carry you Tam Tam?"

I see her look up at me with those tired eyes, see her nod, and I say, "Okay cutie."

I let go of that tiny hand, grab my purse that's over my shoulder, put the strap across my chest, and hear him say, "Jazmine."

I look up at him, see him move up to me with Tia completely asleep on his left shoulder, away from the street even if he's next to the street, and hear him say, "She's lighter."

I roll my eyes, feel my small smile, grab her from him, putting her on my left shoulder, feeling my cheeks get warm with that kiss on my forehead from him, and see him kneel in front of Tamera, see her open her arms, and see him grab her, standing up with her over his left shoulder.

And I feel my heart melt seeing her put her face in his neck, hearing her say something that ends with 'okay uncle Howie'.

Okay. I want kids. So many.

I exhale and hear him say, "Jazmine."

I look up at him, see that raised eyebrow, those eyes looking at me, and I nod, not caring how red my cheeks are, turn, and start walking towards the shelter again.

Then I hear a tiny voice say, "Mo silly."

I start giggling, look over at Tamera with her face in Huey's neck, move over to her, kiss her head in between those two buns, look forward again, and hear him say, "They enjoyed themselves."

I inhale, thinking maybe he wants to talk about this, even starting the conversation, nod with my smile, see us getting to the street corner with the light, stop to wait for the light to change, and say, "I hope so but I think they did. And thank you bestie for staying with them the whole time. I know Mo was having fun with them, showing them all her stuff on her desk, telling them how those things help her do her job, playing doctor with them with the stethoscope, but I know I took a little longer than I thought I would. It's just every time I would go into a resident's room they wanted to introduce me to whoever was visiting them and they were just so happy when they saw me carrying those extra towels and toilet paper, and then their visitors would ask me questions, like why I'm not there on the weekends. And then meeting those volunteers. I mean I get they're busy because on the weekends the residents have a lot more visitors but not that many more than on the weekdays and there's two volunteers, not one, so really even if they had twice the work I have they should be able to do more than they do. And I mean really, I saw them just hanging out talking to each other in the kitchen. I mean I get it. She's a pretty girl, he's I guess good looking but they're there to do a job so they shouldn't just be hanging out talking. I mean if they really wanna talk, they should just do it after work, but I don't know, I guess they don't think of it as work because they're volunteering, but still, if they can't do a volunteer service, like my sister and Mimi do at the front office at school, being such good helpers there, then they won't be able to do a good job when they do get a job because they're gonna think it's the same thing and they don't have to work hard. I mean if they can't do it here, in high school when it's just high school, volunteer service where they're being told how to do the stuff they need to do, then I just don't see how they're gonna make it in college. I mean in college, at least from what Mo says and now getting those texts from Hiroki when she needs a break from how much she studies, it just kind of seems like these kids, if they don't try harder, they're not gonna make it there. I don't know. Okay, maybe that's mean. I shouldn't say that. Maybe they'll be okay and will start trying harder soon, helping the residents more, checking on them when they're bored, or maybe even learning how the residents like their coffee and tea. I hope they do. Wait."

I exhale, start walking across the street, and say, "What were we talking about bestie?"

I hear that cute exhale from him, feel that hand pinch my side, inhale, knowing he's being really playful and we're in public, and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. The girls enjoyed themselves, Monique entertained them while I did nothing and sat there with them coming to me to use the stethoscope on me whenever they felt like it, you took care of the residents there by providing for them what those useless volunteers should be doing, and you have far too much hope in this world and its people."

I hear him inhale, stop to look over at him, see he stopped, and he's just looking at me. I exhale and wonder why he looks so serious, feel my smile thinking about that warm brain that never stops thinking unless I tell him to, how I know he's going to change the world with his brother, our friends, I'm going help because he's my best friend, and say, "Huey how am I not supposed to have so much hope in this world and people when I know you?"

I see that eyebrow rise, see that mouth open, knowing he's going to be Huey and say I'm being too Jazmine, and throw him a kiss.

I see that blush over those Freeman cheeks, see that mouth close, and then see that half smile. I inhale, hoping he knows I love when he smiles, even if I'm still keeping count.

Then I see him inhale with that half smile and he says, "Fine and remember to thank her for the recommendation on the ice cream shop."

I smile, nod, look forward, and start walking again, thinking about the cute ice cream shop. Treats and fun I think it was called. An ice cream shop a block away from the coffee shop Monique likes, how she said Mr. Ramirez took her there two weeks ago and she really liked it, how happy Tamera and Tia got when they saw all the colorful ice cream, getting Tamera a scoop of cookies and cream ice cream even if I saw those cute pursed lips on him because it had 'too much sugar' but he didn't say no when she asked her 'uncle Howie pretty please', and that rainbow ice cream we got Tia that he also didn't say no to when she said asked her 'uncle Howie pretty, pretty please with big, big cherry on top,' how he exhaled, and said yes only to one scoop. I think I also heard the girl behind the counter giggle, maybe because of how cute Tamera and Tia were being, but probably because Huey looks really cute when he's trying to look mad but he's not even a little mad. And then going outside to eat that ice cream while the girls told us all about school and how many friends they have and Huey told them if anyone ever 'messes' with them to let their uncle know, seeing their big smiles, and then taking them to that small park two blocks farther away to let them play on the swings for a little with Huey telling them to not swing too high or they'd get sick. How good he took care of them while I played with them.

I exhale and say, "I think you're gonna be a really good dad Huey. The best one."

I hear him inhale, feel my eyes get big, thinking about his dad, and say, "I'm sorry Huey, I didn't," and hear him cut me off saying, "The statistics are high given who raised me but it's still possible with my characteristics, it'll be difficult."

I exhale, feel my smile, seeing that place he does so much for, that building where the little girl he's carrying drew all of us outside of, and say, "Well, no matter what we are, best friends or more, I'll be there to help, but just know, specially if you have a little girl, she's gonna get you to do anything, buy her only pink or blue clothes, get her ice cream that has a lot of sugar, and if you have a boy it might be worse because you'll be so proud if he's anything like your dad, Grandad, or you, even if I do kind of hope he's more like you than anyone else."

I hear him exhale, feel that hand on my lower back, not knowing how he's been touching me, but maybe he started holding Tamera with his other hand when I wasn't looking, and hear him say, "I want all of that but first let's get through that pointless institution, college, several years of making changes happen through our careers, and then, we'll talk about it."

I inhale, wanting to cry because he didn't say no to being a dad one day or that I'm being too Jazmine, and made it sound like he wants me there, maybe wants that with me one day.

I exhale, trying to not cry, nod, and say, "Okay bestie."

Then we make that left, walk into the driveway, and hear someone say, "McHater, sis."

I look over my shoulder and feel my eyes open seeing Riley in those clean braids, that nice button-down dark blue short sleeved pressed shirt, a button open at the top where I can see a white undershirt, those dark black jeans, and his nice timberlands. I remember when they left to the Freeman house they didn't say what they were going to do today, like coming to the shelter, and I try to not ask what they're going to do because that's their relationship and I know my sister is happy and that's all that matters to me. But I wonder why he's here.

And he looks really good.

I turn around completely, feeling that hand leave my back, look up at him, see him roll his eyes, and he says, "Don't be taking pictures sis o' I'ma fin' your big ass forehead and tickle you 'til you pee cuz C-Murph tol' me that makes you do anything she wants."

I feel my mouth open, see him laugh that laugh, feel Tia move, and hear Huey say, "Riley, you'll wake them."

I see him stop laughing, see him exhale with that Riley Freeman smirk, shake his head, and he says, "You two practicing and shit, cuz we too damn young and Grandad ain't want no more grandkids for a minute, but I knows I'ma be a bomb ass uncle?"

I feel my face probably get the reddest it's gotten all day, look away, hearing Huey exhale, and hear him say, "Riley you know whenever they see Jazmine they attach themselves to her so we took them out awhile to help them burn off some of that energy, but why are you here?"

I look over Huey, feeling my eyebrow rise, knowing I would play with them before they moved here, Tamera at least, when I would see them, but I don't remember them liking to play with me that much, attaching themselves to me.

I hear Riley say, "Job interview."

I look over at him, see him exhale with those pursed lips, feel my mouth open, and say, "Wait, my sister said you were looking for a job but I haven't asked since. Did you apply here and I thought you could only work if you were fifteen and a half?"

I see him look at me with that smirk again and he says, "You know sis, got my ways."

I exhale, wanting to have a pillow to throw at him for being so Riley, and then, like the squirrel I am, I feel my eyes open and say, "So if you start working here you can start helping Huey. Oh Black Jesus, that would be so cool Riley because you're such a hard worker like my sister. I mean she tells me how much you practice and even eat right even if people don't think you do, all just so you can keep being a good player. Oh my god, I hope you start working here."

I see Riley exhale with that smirk, feel that hand on my lower back again, feeling it squeeze me a little this time, feeling my inhale with it, see Riley shake his head, and he says, "Wells, we'll see and shit. Ain't gonna know 'til I go in for the interview. But if they do want my ass, brought my shit with me."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look down, and feel my smile seeing that manila folder in his right hand, I think with whatever he brought, maybe that form from school he needs to give a job to let him work. He's so prepared.

I exhale and hear Huey say, "We were going to leave soon but if you want we can wait to give you a ride."

I look up at Riley, nod, and say, "Yeah Riley, we'll just wait."

I see him shake his head with his smirk and he says, "Thanks but nah, already took the bus here and if I ain't leave on it, get a ride from you'll, means I ain't doing it on my own. I'll be cool, be home after this, maybe order pizza with C-Murph, get that gross ass cheese pizza for you two."

I feel my smile, nod, and then hear a voice say, "I knew they would need their nap soon but I guess you tired them out faster than I thought."

I look back at the shelter, see Monica, exhale, seeing her skin looks a little darker, prettier, in the sun, see her smile walking up to us, and hear her say, "How about you two put them in my car so I can take them home? Frank's inside with dad and I know they have an appointment soon so," and I see her stop, getting to us, see her smile over my head, hear an inhale, I think from Riley, and hear him say, "Mrs. Willis."

I start giggling, see her smile get bigger, and she says, "Hi Riley. It's nice to see you again. Don't worry, I won't be interviewing you, but Frank and dad will, so you have nothing to worry about."

Then I hear that exhale from Riley and I start giggling harder, knowing she's really, really nice but Huey did tell me she's the one that takes care of meeting with donors that say they're donating to the shelter when they really aren't and are just saying it to look good and she makes them stop doing that and really start donating. So many awesome, smart women I want to be like one day.

Then I hear that voice say, "Jazmine."

I look over at him, see those burgundy eyes looking at me, smile at him, turn back to Monica and say, "Okay, do you want us to wait out here for you so we can take them to your car?"

I see her smile at me, see her nod, and see her turn back around walking into the shelter I'm sure to get her things and Tamera and Tia's backpacks.

I turn around back to Riley, see him exhale longer, feel my smile, and say, "Riley, Monica's not that scary."

I see his eyebrows lower, not remembering him doing that ever, and he says, "You only be saying that cuz everyone likes your big ass forehead, but I heard things, like since they got here, she be the one that fires people when they fuck up and," and I cut him off saying, "Riley, they might be asleep but they could hear you."

I see him roll his eyes, feeling that squeeze on my back again, see Riley smirk, and he says, "A'ight. Damn. Yeah she be the one that fires people. Some people don't even like coming to work when she here. I means I know her for years, seen her all those times you'll brought me to help and shit, but even I seen how she handles shit and how when she don't like your ass ain't nothing gonna change that."

I feel my mouth open and hear Huey say, "Regardless of it being true or not, how do you know any of this?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, see Riley look over at Huey with that smirk, and he says, "Damn McHater, you ain't listen? I told my sis I got my ways."

I start giggling and then hear someone talking behind us.

I look back and see Monica holding that Dora the Explorer backpack and that smaller pink horse backpack. And I exhale, seeing that long white, almost gray, Native American pattern knit sweater with those square patterns at the top over her chest and the dark purple, gray, white, and red stripes in the middle and at the bottom of the sweater, and the dark brown strap of her purse over her shoulder. And for some weird reason, seeing her in the sun again, I hope, in the weird way I do sometimes, that one day I get to say some of those things she said in the kitchen when she was talking to Cairo. Cairo.

I see him say something like, 'Yeah, did it,' and I blink, thinking about that app on my phone that I try to go through every weeknight when I'm not busy, remembering Monica and Cairo talking is not a conversation I should know about, and I turn around.

I look back at Riley, see him exhale looking over me, I think at Monica and Cairo, and hear him say, a little quieter, "I ain't saying shit, but they let my ass work here, I'll make sure to clear up shit that ain't being done right now."

I feel my smile coming back and hear that voice say, "Thank you."

I look over at that polite boy and feel my smile get bigger seeing him looking at Riley almost, kind of, like he's proud.

Then I hear steps and hear her say, "Okay let's take these babies to my car."

I nod, smile at Riley, see him smirk, and move out of the way.

I start walking, feeling that hand leave my back, towards that car parked on the street, a Volvo XC90 that I looked up because it's such a nice car but it's still really big and I think just the right size so Tamera and Tia can take naps in the back when they get tired. And it's really cute that when I told my bestie that I thought it was a nice car he said those cars, Volvos, are really safe and it was a nice car. Maybe, I hope, one day I'll have a car like that so I can make sure little kids, maybe a little girl and a little boy or two little boys or two little girls are really safe and can take naps when they get tired. But first, my bestie's right, and we have to get through high school.

Stay positive Jazmine. Maybe think about what it's going to be like spending time with him after we leave the shelter today. Yeah. I'm sure it'll be nice.

* * *

I feel the shaking in my hands and push it down again. I move over that smooth, warm surface covered in something sweet I know mixed with a tang that is to be expected but a mixture I couldn't have imagined, because I've dreamed of this.

As early as I can remember waking up sweating from those dreams, I had started dreaming of the insides, the smoothness of that surface, the smell it would have, and that nub, that soft nub that's different, different from the smooth surface under it and around it. That soft nub, that smell, inhale, swallowing that taste, feeling the shaking stronger now, hearing her, knowing things only get better, regardless of my views, the feeling I get selfishly gets better, more and more. And I get to ask for things today. I want more today. So, I push my way in, wanting more of those insides, the deep tangier flavor they have, hearing her, coming back up to that nub, feeling myself inhale, that twitch, and feeling the shaking of my body.

I push those legs down again, coming back down to taste the sides of those smooth folds up towards that nub I want and she just said belongs to me, and I hear her say it again tonight, feeling that chauvinistic pride, that unadulterated pride whenever she defends herself, reminds me of how strong she is, how aware she is, tasting those folds all the way up again, one more time, get to that nub, suck on it as much as she'll let me, and taste those juices coming down my chin, hearing the cursing from those lips that were around my head earlier, before they went down and I felt that slickness of the back of her throat. I swallow that sweetness with that tanginess, knowing she must by dehydrated because it's not enough of those juices, regardless of how many times she came in my mouth tonight it's not enough, and hear her say, "Huey, I, I."

I exhale, licking my lips, feeling those hands letting go of my hair, and feel my smirk, moving back to see that mark I left on the inside of that thigh, knowing it will be a mark by tomorrow as I can already see it forming in the moonlight.

And I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing those knees move down, letting go of those thighs, look up, and see that thick hair, those eyes, and inhale, seeing her come down. I taste those lips, feeling her move down lower, under me, and put my weight on to the bed, feeling those shoulders pass my hands, and continue tasting those lips, feeling her push that tongue through.

Fuck. Hearing that moan from her tasting herself in my mouth I feel myself twitch. Shit. I already came twice since we laid down and I'm sure there isn't much left with as much as I came those times, no matter how hard I am again. And I hear myself groan, feeling those soft fingers lightly, softly, move over my head.

I put my arms around her upper back, hug her bringing her completely under me, feeling that hand press down on me, tasting that tongue with the flavor of that tanginess mixed with the sweetness of my favorite fruit, knowing there is no god, wondering how and why the hell she taste like my favorite fruit if there is no god, hearing her say she loves me but she wants me to let go of her so she can feel me in her hand.

I inhale, squeeze that upper back, knowing she's strong, can handle me, knowing I not only need someone that can handle me but I want someone that can, and she wants to feel me in that small hand of hers, so I give, letting go of that back, exhale, resting my arms on the bed, hear her thank me, feeling her continue licking my chin that must still have her taste, feeling my precum already, the pulling down of my shorts and underwear again, for the third or fourth or fifth time today, knowing I could also be dehydrated, feel that hand encircle my head, and start moving down. I feel that tongue on my face, licking me still, that hand squeeze my base, and hear myself say the selfish truth, that I love her, I know she's strong but I still want to protect her, not only because I want to but because I'm selfish and she's always made me happy.

* * *

I exhale, hearing that sound, and walk in. I walk towards the last row, walk to my desk, sit down, and see them, two, feeling my eyebrow rise. I grab them and drop them in the seat in front me.

I hear someone stand up, take out my notebook, my pen and pencil out for the science and math in this class, and see that girl grab those papers from that seat. I hear that teacher say something to her, open my notebook, and write down the date on the page.

I exhale and hear that girl say something unimportant, that she doesn't want to hand those notes to him. I look up at the green board, plain green unlike her eyes, and lean back, remembering that voice saying she would check the platforms later today, I should check my emails later tonight, and I need to focus on just that this week, nothing else.

I inhale, focus on what that teacher is writing on that plain green board, feeling my eyebrow rise, seeing him shake his head, not sending that girl anywhere for not giving him those notes, possibly because this is a weekly occurrence in this class, one I never paid attention to, but today, damn it, today it's been worse, with some girls, women in most respects at least with their confidence, looking at me almost with more than curiosity, possibly actual intention.

I exhale. Although there's always been a note from a girl here and there, notes I dropped in the seat that's always empty in front of me, where most girls come to pick them up before the teacher does, today I knew it would be worse with the way they were looking after I dropped off those greens in her second period, as I was walking to this class. Shit. That damn speech at that game. That's the reason they've looked more today and the fact there were two notes instead of one on this desk, because of that speech, that speech that made no fucken difference because they still tried to go after them.

I exhale longer, knowing I get to see her after this period ends, not giving a shit when I started to not just want to see her every day, not just looking forward to it, but it being more than that.

I inhale, focus, start writing what's on that board the teacher is having to read out loud because he knows kids here usually don't even bother taking notes, and then I see that note. I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing it's open, not caring that several people possibly read it on the way here, being place at the corner of my desk, feeling my eyes open seeing she wrote she would do it in every way I want.

I exhale, look back at my paper, continue writing, and hear someone, a girl tell that girl she knew I wouldn't care because of who my girlfriend is.

I feel my smirk, licking my lips, thinking about that mark I got to see yesterday morning when I woke up earlier this time, something I had not done in some time, looked at that body under the covers wearing those shorts to make sure that mark was still there and then watched her breathing, making sure her respiratory system was functioning properly, taking in the correct amount of air. And after a few minutes, those eyes opened, she smiled that smile, and said we needed to have another 'Huey and Jazzy' slash non-friend Sunday and she wanted me to finish my book and wanted to keep reading hers.

I feel my smirk possibly get bigger and continue writing, trusting her, and she said we can focus on those other issues next week because right now this is what I need to focus on.

* * *

I close my notebook, put it in my backpack with my pen and pencil, zip it up, get up, and start walking out.

Then I see that girl step in front of me and she says, "So, did you like my note?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, walk around her, and feel her grab my wrist. I twist out of it, take a step up, see those kids move out of my way, and walk out of class.

I start walking down the hallway, hear panting next to me, and hear that girl say, "But you didn't throw it away this time."

I exhale and say, "I'm not interested."

I hear her inhale and hear her say, "But why not Huey? I mean I meant it, like all of it, and I'd do it for you, just to, you know, have fun. I mean we can have fun right?"

I exhale and say, "No."

I feel her grab my wrist, twist out of it again, and see that idiot there in front of her class.

I inhale, knowing I'm not handling that, Caesar is, and we've all agreed as of Saturday morning that everyone will wait until next week, giving us all a week to relax, focus, and then think and plan, with some of us possibly hoping what Sarah did after that game, threating that girl's family directly, will lead to those side effects, one of which will be to deter these fucken idiots from doing anything that fucken pointless that scared the girls, knowing it did scare them.

I exhale. The problem is we can't stop them from trying to talk to them, here at school, in public, but we need to stop what they did at that fucken game from happening again. Damn it. But they need a break. She needs it. After that fucken disgusting piece of shit was here last week, her mother's stress which I know affects her, what happened at that fucken game, she needs more than days, she needs a week of me not killing anyone or even leaving them blacked out. She needs this break. And, the fucken idiot leaning there, waiting to try to talk to Ming, is Caesar's business.

I walk into that class, see her, see her smirk at me, grab her backpack, stand up, and walk up to me.

I exhale and say, "He's outside, stay on my left side."

I see her exhale, see her look away, and say, "Ming."

I see her look back at me, see her nod, and she says, "I know alright, let you handle that shit, and Michael be taking care of that asshole later, even if I don't want him to, but I just don't like seeing that fucken asshole, makes me feel all creepy, more than before and shit."

I nod, knowing he tried putting that cloth over her face, and say, "Then stay on my left side."

I see her nod, see her look out the door, and she says, "Who's the hood rat?"

I exhale, close my eyes, and say, "A negative side effect of that game."

I open my eyes, see her smirk, see her look at me, and she says, "I'ma scare the shit outta her."

I feel my face drop and say, "I couldn't care less, just stay to my left."

I see her nod and I turn around.

I look to my left, see her move up to that side, and we start walking out of her class.

Then I see her step in front of me, see her step up to that girl, see that girl possibly squint her eyes at Ming, and hear Ming say, "I'ma just say one word hood rat, so you're ass listen even if you probably dumb as fuck. The word of the day is Jazmine."

I see that girl inhale and see her move out of the way.

Does Jazmine's name really place that much fear in these girls?

And I feel my smirk seeing that girl turn and walk away down the hallway.

I shake my head and say, "Ming."

I see her look back at me and see her move out of the way to let me go out first.

I step out, see that fucken idiot leaning on those lockers still, feel someone step behind me, and I turn and start walking down the hallway, seeing Ming stay on my left side.

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "I know it's been fucken bullshit since last week, specially for my Jazzy and Cin Bear, but Michael and me got to talk 'bout that girl that got a problem with us and I told his ass I'm cool 'bout what you'll wanna do."

I nod and say, "It's fine. Really, we don't need her. She's convenient, in the center of most marches in that specific area, and that helps, but she's immature to a point I only communicate with her over email. She's one of the few sisters that vexes me. And the fact that she came back in less than one week this time shows she's running out of options, organizations willing to work with her. But really, at this point I couldn't care less. We have other people there that would set up marches, protests, rallies, sending out flyers, talking to people, and the other organizations there seem more than willing when Caes contacts them to work with us, if we're short on people. We also have the Black Lives Matter chapters here, California, and other states. And I just do not feel like dealing with another one of those issues this week so Jazmine and I will let you and Caes deal with that or we can all handle it next week. It's up to you two. Jazmine needs a break from that girl to."

Jazmine. We make that left turn and I see that afro and then feel my eyebrow rise seeing Caesar look over at me and see him point at Jazmine, possibly angry. I look over at her again and see she has a paper in her hand. Damn it.

I inhale and see Caesar start jogging to me. I take those steps, jogging, pass him, knowing he's going to get to Ming, and I see those hips turn away from me, take that step, and I start running, see her take another step, and I grab those hips.

I pull her into me, feeling her squirm out of my hands, and hear her say, "Huey let me go! I'm gonna drag her out by her skinny ass thinking she's better than me for you! And why do they say that! I love my curves and they're so stupid! What's wrong with them! Why do they," and I feel her shaking, turn those hips around, look down at that face, and see those eyes looking down with that water.

I put my arms around her, bring her in, holding her, feeling that wetness on my shirt, and say, "Jazmine, you know whatever that paper had I could not care less about and really I wouldn't have you any other way other than how you are so calm down and trust me that none of that matters."

I feel her hug me, feeling her inhale, wanting to be in my room, away from these girls and fucken idiots that look at her, knowing she must be feeling more than she normally does, and I go down, putting my face in that hair, next to her ear, and say, "And you're the only girl that's ever gotten me as hard as I get, in my dreams and outside of them, remember that."

I feel her exhale, shaking, and close my eyes, not having to know what that paper said, the one that's not helping her this week, feeling as much as she is, one she probably found in that locker we share, a note the girl that put it there must have known Jazmine would see, would upset her, knowing all these fucken kids by now should know what happened at that game other than the pointless fire, knowing with how emotional she must be right now it could possibly lead to us having some kind of a problem, an argument. They're getting aggressive. Fuck.

I feel that kiss on the inside of my shoulder and feel my exhale. I open my eyes, look up, hearing their pointless juvenile gossiping about Jazmine, and see a girl along with her friends looking over here, with that intention.

I look down at that soft afro and say, "Jazmine."

I see her look up at me and I inhale seeing those tears coming down those cheeks. Shit.

I see her inhale, see that small smile, and she says, "I'm sorry I got like that and I'm fine, I promise. I think it's just everything that's happened in the last few weeks and then that note wasn't only talking about all the things they want to do with you, things that they shouldn't because you're my boyfriend, they just had to talk about my butt and other things, even things I like about me now, but those things, they said those things make me not pretty enough for you."

I exhale, feeling my eyebrow rise, vexed again, this time at girls that aren't sisters, and must be blind, and I go down and kiss those lips, hearing something or someone falling, feel those arms tighten around me, push down on those lips, feeling myself relax, but knowing this isn't the right time, and I move away.

I see those eyes open with those curls around her face from that soft afro she left in that crown she wears for herself and possibly for me, and say, "There were two notes on my desk when I walked into my last period and a note they didn't bother folding they placed on my desk during class and that girl did follow me out but that's it, there's nothing for you to worry about, and what I want you to do with those notes, if you find them, is not read them and drop them on the floor because the only thing I want in that locker is those useless books they make us read for grades, other books that do matter, that pink sweater, and that lunch you make, which is the only reason I eat as much as I do at lunch now, and in the meantime I need you to be Jazmine, and I will keep focusing on things you want me to focus on this week. And because there are too many idiots here and outside of this school, we'll take it week by week. Do you agree?"

I see those eyes blink, aware of that sharp inhale from her half a minute ago, possibly angry, when I told her about those notes and that girl, but then I felt her exhale right now and then felt her stop shaking altogether.

I see that smile, exhale, and she says, "You always ask me if I understand, not if I agree."

I feel my smirk and say, "Well I trust you and asking you if you agree, knowing there's a high certainty you'll make the best decision, could possibly show that."

I see that face come, feel that peck on my chin, feeling myself lick my lips, remembering, see that tint over that nose, and she says, "Then the best decision I think is that I agree because with everything that's happening we should take it week by week, and I know the reason you're letting me have these days, this whole week of you and the guys relaxing, not doing anything after that game, is probably because you all think I need a break from that stuff, and I think everyone, specially you, want it to be a good week for me. So, thank you for secretly giving me this week of you not doing anything, focusing on things that matter, and giving yourself a week off to. Thank you."

I exhale, knowing that Jazmine head would figure it out. And it's Monday, it's already been a pointless day at this institution where girls that are blind made her feel like something she's not, feeling myself lick my lips remembering we haven't been there this semester, where we get to be alone at this institution, and say, "We're missing next period and Caes can take notes for us."

I see that tint expand, feel my smirk, and she says, "Okay bestie."

Then I hear him say, "Hey why don't we talk 'bout dumb shit today, like how the president's a fucken idiot."

I see that smile on her, feel myself nod, and say, "Fine but we're also talking about those other things that matter, like the platforms, and several new cases."

I hear him exhale and hear him, "Sure brother."

I exhale, seeing she looks happier, and say, "Make sure you drop that note on the floor, here."

I feel one of those hands that's holding me let go of my shirt, hear a crumpled paper land on the floor, and I exhale, seeing that smile and that shine in her eyes, knowing for certain those girls, those kids, have to be blind or possibly just idiots.

* * *

I exhale, happy it was okay. It was weird, but okay. And really Jazmine, it was more than okay. After going to the restroom, washing my face, happy Ming had her makeup bag, walking into the cafeteria, hearing it get quiet, so happy he was hugging me from behind again as we were walking in, getting to our table, hearing everyone talking again, getting that hug from my sister, that kiss on my head from Lauren, and then hearing Riley say no matter what's ever happening he's always going to remind me if I owe him on a bet and he wants his braids done this week again, I heard the laughing at our table with that hand on my inner thigh and I felt so much better.

I feel my smile get bigger remembering how cute it was that when I asked about what we were going to do about Ericka, I felt him pinch my inner thigh, and I told them no matter what's happening ever we need to talk about that stuff, anything that could make it harder for the organizations to help people, and that meant we needed to talk about that email I know she sent Huey and Caesar asking if she could start working with them again. And then we talked about it. I roll my eyes thinking how after I told them that I thought we should keep working with her because we needed to keep strong women in the organizations Riley said my 'big ass forehead could show that I ain't completely sane and I need to talk to Ed's girl 'bout that'. I almost threw my sandwich at him until I heard everyone laughing and then started laughing with them. Annoying little brothers that make me laugh so much.

I shake my head, feeling my smile. Then we ate, talked about those jobs Lauren applied at, my sister and Ming talked about how much they like Loretta and we should fly her out here soon, and then the bell rang.

I got up, grabbed my stuff, grabbed his hand, started walking out, seeing some really, really dumb girls look at him until they looked at me. Then that girl that wrote that note, standing by the double doors, licked her lips looking at him, my boyfriend, my warm brain, mine, and I let go of his hand, walked up to her, felt him grab my hips, and felt that chest on my back. I saw her look up at him, saw her smirk at him, feeling myself move up, and then I saw her turn around and walk out of the cafeteria.

I exhale. Then I heard it. That whisper in my ear, reminding me we were supposed to miss our third period and Caesar was going to take notes for us. And I felt my whole face get red, felt myself nod, not knowing why I was being like that if we make out at home in our beds, but still, it was so public, him holding me like that, whispering in my ear, with all the students walking around us out the cafeteria, and then feeling him grab my hand and pull me down the hallway towards the main building to that janitor's room. And then third period was over. Then it was fourth period with Lena. And now I'm here, in this class. Wait, what was I writing?

I hear her say, "Okay class, that's it, you can stop writing."

I hear the exhales, look up at her from my paper, feeling my cheeks so red thinking about third period again, and shake my face. Focus Jazmine.

I see Ms. Reed get up from her desk and she says, "And of course you all know what comes next. Please make sure to write everyone's name on a piece of paper and discuss what you wrote down. And if you find that you wrote about the same topic as someone else, please try to see how your views differ and practice respecting those views."

I hear the footsteps, the desks being moved around, look over, see her sit down next to me, turn my desk to face her, look over, see Johnny turning that desk to face us, and hear her say, "A week from this Saturday, you already said so, okay?"

I look over at Adah, feeling my smile, and say, "Yeah, that'll be nice. Anywhere else or the same place?"

I hear Johnny say, "If Huey's cool with it, same place."

I feel my smile get bigger, look over at him, see him smirking, and say, "He's always happy with a bookstore, so yes."

I see him smile, hear the desk to my left moving, knowing we're in class, and I'm going to be nice, because really, it doesn't matter what he says or does, we're just friends, kind of.

Then I hear a voice say, "Can I be in your group again?"

I look over at her, feeling my smile again, and hear Adah say, "That's like asking if you can read during lunch. Grab a chair."

I see Mackenzie smile, see her walk over to that chair in the corner of the room, next to the door, and then I inhale seeing that red hair walk over to her, and feel myself stand up.

I walk around my desk, around Adah, around Johnny, see her reach Mackenzie, get to them, and hear Michelle whisper to her, "You're such a backstabber you," and I cut her off saying, "Mackenzie, we're waiting."

I see Mackenzie's shoulders rise, see them lower, and I step in between them, moving Michelle, hearing her curse at me, grab the chair, and hear Adah say, "Come on Kenzie."

I look over at Mackenzie, see Adah grabbed her hand, and see Mackenzie nod with those watery eyes, and turn around letting Adah take her back to our group. I exhale, holding the back of that chair, turn around, hear Michelle say something to me, and I walk back holding the chair.

I walk around Johnny, around Adah, Mackenzie, and put the chair between Adah and me.

I sit down, hear the chair move next to me, and I take out my pretty handkerchief with my friend's initials, and hand it to Mackenzie, hearing her thank me and sniffle.

I exhale and say, "Okay, where do we start?"

I hear them laugh, feeling better hearing Mackenzie laughing a little to, and hear her say in between sniffles, "First, thank you, both of you. I'm better now. Don't cry as much, just get sniffly, but I still get too sniffly. Second, it was fun yesterday Adie. I wanna do that again, maybe this weekend because I still need some new jeans and I wanna go back to that store where you got yours. And the last thing, my nana was super happy to see you this weekend Jazzy."

I look over at her, smile at her, see her smile with that red nose, and hear someone exhale, really loud.

I look over her head and close my eyes. She's really going to sit that close to us, in the group that's right next to us, just so she can hear us?

I exhale and hear a voice say, "I prayed today, this morning, I did."

I open my eyes, look over at Johnny, and feel my eyes open, seeing his head on the table, and I can't help but start laughing again.

I hear the laughing, see Adah put her hand on his head, almost petting him, and see him turn his face towards Adah, putting his cheek on the table.

I exhale and say, "Well, if you did pray that means things should be okay, so let's not worry about it, just focus on things that matter."

I see Johnny sit up, see him look at me, exhale, and he says, "I'm not gonna ask after this because I know you are, but yesterday my father talked about it, and he wanted to make sure you and your friends are okay."

I exhale, see Adah grab his hand, and I look down at those hands, knowing I'm just emotional, like Mackenzie, but she is because she misses her grandpa who died last year, and I'm emotional because dumb people that don't matter did that at our first football game just to try to drug us and. I exhale, shake my head, hear someone say my name, and I look to my left.

I see Cairo looking at me and I look back at Johnny, see his small smile, and he says, "Jazmine, I know you are, but what they did was really bad, and my father wants to make sure you're all okay, really okay."

I exhale, feeling Adah's hand over mine, and I think, only because I'm still getting used to how nice she is, Mackenzie's hand on my shoulder, feel my smirk, and say, "My mom's taking care of it."

I hear them exhale, feel my smile get bigger, and hear Adah say, "Pretty and smart and I think a lot of people know how much of a good attorney she is."

I look over at her, feeling my eyebrow rise, see her start giggling, and she says, "Remember Jazzy, my mom and dad send clients to her office and when those clients come back for their accounting to be done again they tell them how good she is, I think because she always wins or at least makes the other person or company settle with them, making them really happy."

I exhale, feeling so proud, and say, "Thank you. She is a really good attorney. So, I'm just not thinking about it, whatever happened there. She said to let her take care of it and we're all letting her do it. But thanks for asking and please Johnny tell the pastor that we are okay, my mom is for sure taking care of it, and I'm not even thinking about it."

Then I hear that loud exhale again and like the squirrel I am I say, "So did you guys like the pages we read?"

I hear them start laughing, feeling my eyebrow rise, hearing other people exhale, I think people outside of this group that were just being nosey, and hear Adah say, "You can be so Jazzy sometimes."

I smile at her, see her exhale smiling at me, and she says, "I did read it but it was a lot, specially when the author started talking about the places African Americans lived back then, how they lived in those neighborhoods, you know, with no clean water or bad plumbing I think, and I think streets with cracks or no street cleaning."

I nod, remembering those pages and hear Mackenzie say, "Writing."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at her, and feel my smile seeing her writing on that page in her notebook on top of her lap.

Then I see Adah's hands grab that notebook, see Mackenzie look up at her, and hear Adah say, "On my desk Kenzie."

I see Mackenzie smile at Adah and see her put her notebook on Adah's desk and keep writing, hearing the loud exhale again from Michelle that's supposed to be in that other group and not listening to us.

Then I hear Johnny say, "Yeah after that part I think the author talked about the churches the people built and then how those churches became schools or they made schools, ones that are now schools with a lot of black students, like you were saying last week Jazmine, and it was really interesting knowing a Methodist church built the school that's now Clark College. Looked it up afterwards."

I look over at him, see him looking down at his desk, maybe thinking about that college, and hear Mackenzie say, "Um, so for me, I remember it was around those churches that African Americans could buy houses, but I think there were also other churches, like the Friendship ones."

I look over at her, see her finish writing what Johnny said, write her name next, continue writing what she just said, and hear Adah say, "If you wanna add to your part Kenzie, those churches, the Friendship ones, they were really nice because I think they had playgrounds that let little kids, all little kids, play there."

I feel my small smile, thinking about two little girls that were playing on those swings, hoping we get to see them soon again, and hear a voice say, "Thanks Adie. Who's next?"

I hear that exhale, look over at Cairo, see him look up at me from his desk, and I look back at Mackenzie, smile at her, and say, "Well I can go next if you want, but I'll try to not talk too much because it's not fair since I read this chapter two months ago, but the author also talks about the kinds of jobs black women had to work because their husbands didn't make enough money, so those women had to take care of their house, feed their kids, clothe them, all of that after doing those jobs, like cleaning or washing clothes for white people all day long, so they just had a really hard time, specially when it was only them because they had lost their husbands because black men died for so many reasons, not just police killing them, but getting sick and not having money to go to the doctor, or getting killed building railroads, so many reasons. But still, those women made it, did whatever they had to, even at their jobs, telling those families they wanted more money because they couldn't live off of just a few dollars a month, no matter how cheap things were back then, making sure they stayed with the baby or the wife of those white families all day to get away from the man of the house that would harass them, and asking for the money that family owed them for working there even when they knew that family wasn't gonna pay them, asking for those things they needed even if they knew they weren't gonna get them."

I exhale, seeing Mackenzie writing all of that really fast, and hear him say, "So why not quit and shit?"

I inhale, looking at Mackenzie still writing what I said, and say, "They did quit when they could but they didn't have a lot of other places to work because most places wouldn't hire them and there weren't laws that could protect them from that. So, they could only work at those houses of white families, families that would only hire black women to take advantage of them, at houses where they had to clean, cook, take care of their babies, kids that were sometimes just as racist as their parents, or they could become washerwomen, what the author really talks about in the rest of the book, black women that would work from home, going to those white families once a week to pick up dirty laundry, take it home, wash it at home, and take it back to those families. But that meant those black women needed a place they could wash that clothes, clean water, plumbing, and those white families didn't care if those women had that stuff at home or that those women had their own kids that weren't in school because public schools weren't around yet and black schools in Atlanta were just getting built. And those schools and plumbing and street cleaning were things they talked about at their churches where they could get together not afraid that police would try to break them apart because church was their only safe place, maybe their happy place, where they felt the safest, where they could talk about those things, like the jobs they couldn't quit, no matter how bad they were, where those men they worked for would sometimes not just harass them but do worse things, while they were there cleaning and being told racist things by those white kids they were taking care of, and their own kids were at home being watched by their older brothers and sisters or people they hopefully trusted. So, it's more complicated than that, way more complicated than just quitting a job where they were treated badly when they had little kids that needed to eat or little girls, a five and eight year-old that just wanna color and go to school but they can't because they're black."

I exhale, seeing her write that down, and say, "Mackenzie you don't have to," and hear her cut me off saying, "It's okay Jazzy, I wanna write it, and my nana was really, really happy you went. Thank you."

I inhale, seeing her writing everything I said, feel my smile, and say, "I'll try to go when I can on the weekends okay?"

I hear her inhale, hear her sniffle, and see Adah's hand put that pretty handkerchief on top of Mackenzie's hand, that handkerchief I think was on Mackenzie's lap, feeling my smile get bigger.

Then I hear him again say, "You mad at me?"

I exhale and say, "No Cairo, there's no reason for me to be mad at you."

I hear Michelle say, "Well others are mad at you."

I hear the inhales in the group and hear a voice in between sniffles say, "Well they shouldn't be. They did a really bad thing, not just to the school, but to people that are never mean to anyone, and if those people are mad it's okay because they deserve to be in trouble."

I hear Michelle inhale, look over at her, see her looking at Mackenzie, looking really mad, see her stand up, and hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "Please sit down Michelle or you will be going to the principal's office."

I see Michelle close her eyes, see her exhale, and see her sit down.

Then I hear Cairo say, "Jazmine, the fuck I do? I know you mad at me, I can tell, so what I'd do, just tell me so I can fix that shit."

I exhale, looking back down at my desk, feeling my eyes get watery for whatever dumb reason, so many dumb reasons, inhale, and know I told him I wouldn't leave class this week, but he only said to not leave to go to the restroom probably afraid something would happen to me on the way back to my class but he never said anything about me going straight to one place and staying there. And he even said he's selfish because of that, because he wants to protect me because he thinks I make him happy, but he's not, he's not selfish even a little. And he never said anything about me going straight to one place.

I look up at her, see her small smile, and see her stand up and walk around Mackenzie.

I see her get to me, bend down to hug me, and hear Adah whisper into my ear, "I'll tell Ms. Reed, go straight there, don't text anyone, don't call, don't walk, run, and write down your sister's phone number on that paper for me so I can text her."

I close my eyes, feeling the tear going down my cheek, feel someone put something soft in my hand, that pretty handkerchief, and say, "Tell Johnny and Mackenzie I'll see them tomorrow okay?"

I feel her nod and feel her let go of me. I open my eyes looking down, wipe the tear away with that soft handkerchief, grab my pen, and write that phone number on Mackenzie's paper. Then I look down at my backpack, put my pen in one of the pockets, zip it up, put my backpack over my shoulder, stand up, and hear something, I think Cairo, I don't know.

I walk around Adah, pass Mackenzie, Johnny, hear Ms. Reed's voice, see the door, push it open, and start running. Run Jazmine, run. Faster. Faster. Get away from them. Michelle, Cairo, those students that were looking, the ones that don't care about me and just talk about my friends and me. Run Jazmine.

* * *

I hear that giggle, feeling my exhale, and hear her say, "Then I helped my sister and Mimi clean the front office so I'm really okay. I think I just kind of had a mini meltdown, maybe just because of everything, maybe just being around some people that made me think about it, no matter how good the rest of the day was, they just made me feel like that, like, a little emotional, but being in the main office, filing stuff, drinking tea Ms. Lola made, I had time to just think about you and my sister, my friends, everyone, everyone that tries to help me, and I promised myself I wasn't gonna let it get to me, how emotional I was being, I was just being emotional and it's okay, and I was just gonna be happy that only my sister and Mimi were there, even though I wasn't sure why Ashley wasn't there but during fourth Lena did say she heard Ashley showed up to school in the morning but then her mom came to pick her up during school and people heard yelling in the main office, I think because she didn't wanna leave."

I hear that exhale and I stop at the red light with my blinker. I look over at her, see that face I was kissing for most of our third period, knowing half an hour ago she was crying and I don't think she put makeup on afterwards, and I exhale, seeing her, that face that doesn't need anything. I see that face turn to me and I go down and kiss those lips. Then I hear that honk and I exhale.

I move away, see her giggle, feeling my smirk, look back at the road, make that left onto the street, and say, "I knew you were fine. Cindy texted, but next time, as soon as you're there, text me, so I can go check on you."

I hear that exhale from her and hear her say, "Okay bestie, and just so you know, it's not selfish of you to wanna protect me, even if you do it because I kind of make you happy."

I feel my forehead scrunch. What I said Saturday night right before she made me cum the last time for that night, that I love her, know she's strong but I still want to protect her, not only because I want to but because I'm selfish and she's always made me happy. The things I say when we're alone in our rooms, whereas at that institution I only say certain things, things that must be said based on the situation, even in that room where we were for our third period, where I reminded her of how I see her, but I didn't talk about 'feelings'. I've come to understand I only talk about those things, 'feelings', whether or not she makes me happy, things that matter to only us, when I know we're not going to be interrupted. But, just like several things in my life have changed recently, that could change to.

I exhale, drive pass those new buildings, where the construction zone used to be, stop at the stop sign, and say, "I don't know how today will be, but if I can, there's a high chance I'll be taking a break, possibly even leave the building."

She doesn't have to know I'll be walking in that direction, where she will be, possibly to pick her up, and go for a walk, maybe to talk more. Maybe.

I hear those small slow breaths, feel my smirk, drive pass the stop sign, pass the shelter, towards her volunteer service, where she will be for the next several hours, and hear her say, "I love you Huey."

I nod, feeling my smirk get bigger.

* * *

I look back at that table, see that girl and that fucken idiot talking, that girl that is possibly insane and wants everyone she can and can't have and that fucken idiot that's Caesar's business.

I exhale. At least all the two have done is look at this table or at her and her friends but nothing else because it's possible that girl's family isn't as potentially insane as she is and have sense enough to keep her constrained after that call Sarah made. But the other one, fuck, the one that came back two days ago, in the middle of the week, and showed up today right after lunch started again, that one, that psychotic lunatic, is my fucken business. But, she's fine and she told me to focus on this, what's in front of me this week, asking me to relax, which I've done, even if I've made sure, although it hasn't been hard to convince after that asinine fucken interaction she had with that girl and that fucken idiot in her fifth period on Monday, to let me walk her to most, all of her classes, other than the ones my brother and friends are there for. So, this week, having her stay as close as she has, has been relaxing. And next week, I'll plan accordingly, and then kill him. But right now, focus on what's in front of me, and one of my friends is watching the girls, and I believe they all carry several weapons now.

I look back down at the newspaper, see that article again, the one about this country's president commenting again using social media on a case he knows nothing about because he's a fucken idiot.

I hear Hiro say, "How your first week been?"

I look over at my brother, see him smirking at me, roll my eyes at his assumptions, feeling my own smirk regardless, and look back down at the newspaper, hearing him say, "Been a'ight. Only worked two days, two hours a day, and I'ma work today cuz they can only give me three days but said for sure they need my ass Mondays and end of week cuz weekends shit ain't done and Fridays need to prep for the weekend, middle of the week they just want my ass there to maintain and shit."

I nod, looking at that newspaper, turning the page over, seeing that page, take it out, and hand it to him, feeling him take the page with those comic strips he sees some point in.

I hear Hiro say, "You cool with that many hours? Want more, like more work and shit?"

I understand this racist system that's killing us will not change with impeaching him, but he's a horrible, for lack of better word, human and in truth, the world would be better off with him not having ever existed. I exhale.

I hear my brother say, "Yeah, cool with that. Ain't need more cuz for reals ain't making stacks but I'm still making good money. Shit, started higher than minimum wage and I knows wherever I go with no experience and shit, legal shit anyways, ain't getting paid more than that so I'm real cool with this."

I hear him exhale and hear Caesar say, "Wells, lot of people don't understand that those jobs, work that ain't clean, you know, picking up trash, being a bouncer, fucken cleaning up bathrooms at hospitals, pays good cuz it ain't flashy, ain't clean, so people don't wanna do it. So, when those places get people that wanna do those jobs, actually fucken do the job and shit, they pay them good to keep 'em. Specially a place like a shelter where you ain't just cleaning but helping with other shit, like checking folks when they come in, helping them find clothes and food there, shit, fucken helping them find a place to live after, all that's hard fucken work, specially when you ain't just leave after you do the shit they're paying you to do and actually stay to help with other shit, taking the trash out when you're being paid to file shit in their office. So they find people that wanna do that shit, not bitch 'bout doing so much different shit that they ain't getting paid for, a shelter's gonna pay good money to keep 'em."

Nothing on the case. I exhale.

I turn the page and hear my brother say, "How you know this shit?"

I roll my eyes, knowing that's one of many things he slept through because he probably didn't find the conversation interesting back then, and say, "Caes worked at a shelter."

I hear an exhale and hear my brother say, "The fuck you ain't done Caes? Didn't you work at a titty bar to?"

I look over at Riley, shake my head, and hear Hiro say, "The fuck Riley, you supposed to be my best friend and you ain't know that's what I did."

I see Riley look at Hiro with his raised eyebrow, see him exhale, and he says, "Fuck you Hiro, I knows that shit. Called Midori's or some shit, helping the bouncer, and your ass worked there last year 'til you got tired of seeing too many titties. Still don't know how you get tired of that shit, best part on a female."

I exhale, hearing the hackles, looking down at the newspaper, knowing we're all trying to focus on these pointless conversations that only remind me of the dumbass things, jobs my friends had, and hear Hiro say, "Yeah, wells don't bring that shit up when my sister's around. She still fucken pissed at me cuz of that, I think more than the other shit I did."

I shake my head, knowing there are many reasons why being the oldest sibling is a hassle, one of them is keeping your younger siblings from taking dumbass jobs.

I hear Caesar say, "Yeah, and I ain't work at a titty bar, just a bar, being the barback cuz they knew they could trust my ass not drinking their shit when I'd go to the back to get bottles for them. I means by then I'd drank, done some shit, shit those alkies in there hadn't even heard of, and I was there to make money and I couldn't be wasted for that shit, so I didn't drink their shit, just went to the back, got the bottles for the bartender, brought them out, and only did that shit on the weekends. And don't bring up that shit with my uncle either. He's still fucken pissed 'bout that, thinking I was staying at Chantel's those nights when really I was working, but he figured that shit out after I gave him the money after those months of working there, good fucken chunk of money, and told him I wanted him to send it to my mom's. Fuck, he was pissed when I told him how I got the money. That's why now I gotta work for him, saying that's the only way I'll make money 'till I turn eighteen or leave to college. My brother 'least got an option, he can stop working at the shop if he wants even if he knows music better than I do and I gotta ask him to help when customers start asking 'bout some weird ass fucken music. But still, 'least he can work somewhere else, where I'm a fucken slave there."

I feel my eyebrows lower, lowering the newspaper, look at him, and say, "You're really going to compare the fact that you make a decent wage there, working for your uncle who I'm sure is still buying both of you lunch since he opened that shop, where you only have to work several times a week, can probably do homework when you don't have customers, to slavery, where we were whipped, starved, treated like," and hear him cut me off with, "Hu, brother, I know, damn. Shit. I ain't read all the books you have, but some you ain't read, and I know, I know, I was just stating that I can't leave, even if I got a sweet ass deal there. Shit."

I exhale, hearing those other two snickering, see him smirk, and roll my eyes. I look back down at the newspaper, and hear him say, "Kinda like you got a sweet deal with Riley working there now."

I shake my head and say, "That could be comparable."

I hear the cackles, feel my smirk, and hear Hiro say, "Yeah, I heard from my girl that when Riley's there, your ass actually fucken takes a break and goes to see Jazzy girl."

I nod, feeling my smirk get bigger, and hear Caesar say, "That fucker still there?"

I exhale, nod, looking at the newspaper I was trying to focus on, that article about how other countries view this country's institutionalized racism that touts freedom to pursuit happiness for all, and I fold the newspaper, placing it on the table.

I close my eyes, lean my head back, and say, "Can one of you continue to, you know."

I hear Hiro say, "Yeah, still watching 'em."

I exhale, feeling my neck crack, knowing the girls are waiting in that line because they wanted to get something to drink but I'm sure to talk amongst themselves since they haven't been able to do that this entire week, and I've tried my best to not look at her moving those full lips because I know she needs to talk to them in person about whatever she needs to talk to them about, not just through their texting, and not have me know everything she says, even if that goes against my better judgement.

I hear Caesar say, "Hu, tomorrow?"

I feel my smirk, nod, and say, "Yeah."

I hear him say, "Good. What time?"

I inhale and hear my brother say, "Think same as last man. She says she ain't want nothing big, just needs to chill, no matter how many times C-Murph ask her. They're all hanging out 'til they meet at our house, just us, and Grandad said he'd drop off some shit for her befor' going to see Ms. Lola."

I exhale, hear those steps, hear them getting close, feeling my smirk again, feel that kiss from those lips, and open my eyes to see that smile. It's possible my better judgement about having to know whatever that Jazmine head was just talking about is wrong because maybe she needed that break with her friends.

* * *

These companies. They're all fucken idiots. Most are. I exhale and enter that company's name for Monday's schedule, the one that seems to always fill in for those cancellations, possibly because my brother is right about what results from Monica meeting with those law offices after we find out they're advertising on their website that they've been donating here when they haven't. Fucken idiots.

I hear the vibration, look down at my phone on the desk, and feel my smirk seeing that text.

I grab my phone, open it, and reply.

I stand up, stretch, feeling my lower back crack, knowing she might be right, possibly, about me needing to walk for a minute, close the laptop, grab the keys, and walk to the door.

I walk out of the office, lock the door behind me, put the keys and my phone in my pocket, and start walking down the hallway to the kitchen, knowing it's almost time, and everything that could be taken care of by now, has been, trying, trying to not feel somewhat accomplished.

Then I see that fucken idiot standing there, leaning on the door frame, and inhale hearing my brother, somewhere inside of the kitchen say, "The fuck you talkin' 'bout? You think they got money here just cuz of that and be paying people whatever the fuck they want just cuz those people be related to anyone, you dumb shit?"

I hear that idiot inhale and hear him say, "Then if they ain't got that kinda money why the fuck they give your fagot ass a job when I'm here?"

Shit. I inhale, readying myself for what I knew would eventually happen, take that step, and hear my brother say, "You such a fucken dumbass for reals and I knows what you trying to do, talkin' to my ass 'bout anything. You trying to get me riled up, start some shit here, cuz if you do, no matter what we say, even though I ain't no snitch and I ain't saying who started what, they'd fire my ass cuz you been here longer, so fuck you and whatever you gotta say. I'm here cuz I'm here and all I'ma say is it ain't gotta do with they having more money to be paying no one, they make it happen here with little bit of money or nothing, but you wouldn't know 'bout that shit cuz we knows you really ain't live like that, talking all that shit 'bout knowing the life in Chi-Town just cuz you got in some stupid ass fights you only came outta cuz some nigga, cuz only a nigga wouldn't beat the shit outta you, was alone and you had shit load of other niggas following your ass, like dumbasses, and I knows for a fact your ass moved outta that fucked up street year after my brother fucked you up on that party boat, moved on up to a street where blacks have more money cuz someone in your fucked up family got paid somewhere, lotto I heard but I'ma bet it was one of 'em dungeons they got where only shady ass people play numbers, but still, that money got you out and you ain't tell no one, not even moving schools so you could keep that rep you worked so fucken hard for, or I 'on't know, am I wrong 'bout any of this?"

I feel my chin rise, knowing Riley keeps up with information from Chicago, information I do not ask about because I don't want to know it and more importantly, I have other places, problems, cases my energy needs to go to.

I hear that inhale, take that step, and hear him say, "You ain't know shit."

I hear that cackle from my brother and hear him say, "Fuck you man, but lie all your ass wants 'bout that, backtrack on it, twisted it 'round, it don't even fucken matter, and that's why I don't fucken talk 'bout it, too fucken stupid to talk 'bout, and to be fair that shit's in the past, you different now right? Cuz you here now, in white crest, where you can be a real nigga from the streets cuz no one here knows 'bout any of that shit, how you just a little punk bitch that never fights alone, blames others for shit they think they got anything to do with when they don't, and now you trying to get my ass fired starting shit with me saying they hired me cuz they got so much fucken money here, paying me whatever the fuck I want cuz who my brother is, thinking they gots to have money just cuz you didn't see this room befor' you started working, all cuz no one tol' your dumbass it ain't money that made this room happen, it was my brother, Frank, and help from other people, but mostly my brother, but you don't know nothing 'bout that cuz you a real nigga from the streets of Chi-Town that don't help no one, just handles business, and thinks everyone like you, only doing shit for them stacks, and best one is you think all females the same to, all em' gotta be like ones you had befor', hoes that just playing hard to get and you just gotta keep asking and they're gonna let you get near their asses, like that corny ass nigga you brought from Chi-Town that still looks at my girl but he smarter than your ass cuz he knows I'll fucken kill him if she tells me he did more than what she's cool with, but you, you ain't just a nigga, you a dumbass nigga, still going after my little sister cuz that's why you're here, that's why you work here, that's why that corny ass nigga working somewhere else, cuz you don't need no one 'round seeing you being a little bitch, trying to tire her out, 'round her all the fucken time, at school, here, the fucken mall man, everywhere, not letting her ass fucken breathe, but you ain't care 'bout that shit cuz she ain't gotta breathe, cuz she just playing hard to get, ain't in a real relationship, and she's gonna see that, after your bitch ass keeps asking her 'nough, tires her out, she's gonna give your ass a fucken chance, cuz you a real nigga, or I 'on't know, am I wrong 'bout that to?"

I inhale and close my eyes, knowing I'm shaking because that broken clock is right again. Fuck. I know he is, but these are some of those things I do not think about because I can't beat him here, that fucken idiot that walks over to see her on his fucken break. And I can't beat him because too many people entrust me with this place, keys, responsibilities, a place where she can play with their daughters, in that way that made me feel that warmth in my entire body that day. And I can't destroy this place, that fucken kitchen where I watched them. I exhale, trying to bring my temperature down, feel my neck crack, hear an inhale, possibly from that fucken idiot twenty feet away from me, know I'm grinding my teeth, and say, "I do not care why you're still here. You were supposed to leave for your break as soon as Riley was back. Leave now, and don't come back for fifteen minutes."

I exhale longer, knowing my limits, turn around, open my eyes, and start walking back to the office before I do something I might, possibly, with a very slight chance, regret.

* * *

I exhale and say, "Thank you for what you," and I hear him cut me off with, "Damn McHater, we cool now, ain't trying to kill each other no more, you ain't give me stupid ass gifts, maybe gifts that mean some more shit than we wanna say, and I 'on't know, maybe, I did say I love you like a long ass fucken time ago only cuz you gave me some advice on not crying over shit I can't do nothing 'bout, and yeah, maybe had some moments and shit talkin' 'bout family, and I do kinda owe your ass for letting me know what I gotta do to get this job, but even after all that shit don't be getting all fucken gay, emotional, and thanking my ass for telling some fucken dumbass some truth. All I did was tell him how it is so he ain't try talkin' to me no more cuz I knows a little bitch like him uses that Chi-Town shit to get females that stupid 'enough to believe it. But he's a fucken dumbass thinking that big ass forehead just there for decoration and my sis ain't got nothing holding it up. Shit, she knows, but I just wanned to remind his ass he was a little bitch back then that only got a crew talkin' shit 'bout people that ain't there to fuck him up, and he don't know 'bout being here, how fucked up it really is here with those fucken people Ed and Rummy gotta work with or how shit ain't come for free here, specially for us, gotta fucken work for it, one of them reasons Mr. Willis and Frank trust your hatering ass with the shelter, cuz they know you been helping build that place for a long ass fucken time, and that dumbass that thinks he knows anything don't know nothing. Shit, that's why he's fucken here and one of the reasons we sitting here, now go get my sis cuz I'm tired, still shit load of homework I gotta do so I ain't gotta worry about that shit 'morrrow, and I still wanna see C-Murph awhile tonight, so hurry it up."

I exhale, understanding everything he just said was insulting, a compliment, and some truth, and say, "Fine, but when she comes out remember she's," and I hear him cut me off with, "I know McHater. Doing same shit with C-Murph, just think 'bout right now, not shit from Chi-Town or shit we gotta do next week. I ain't stupid, know how ta not talk when it ain't the right time, now go get her cuz I 'on't want her in there with that fucker even if she's cool with him now."

I nod, open the door, step out, close the door, walk around the car, and start walking up those stairs.

I open the door, walk in, see Monique at the front desk, see that idiot there to my left, and see her smile at me.

I walk up to the front desk and she says, "She's about to finish with Mrs. Harrington, just got to her last, but I'm happy she's in there because I need you to do me a favor."

I inhale, readying myself to drag out that fucken idiot that's sitting there that still looks at Jazmine when she's not looking, see Monique grab her purse, and see her take out a card, handing it to me.

I feel my eyebrow rise grabbing the card, see her smile, and she says, "It's for her so please give it to her."

I feel my smirk, put it in my pocket, and hear those steps. I look over at the hallway, see her in that soft bun, exhale, and see her smile at me, feeling my smirk maybe, possibly get bigger.

I see her walk over to Monique, hug her, and hear her say she'll see her on Monday.

I see her grab her backpack from behind the desk, walk around the desk, walk up to me, and feel that kiss on my chin.

I exhale seeing her move back and she says, "Let's go, bestie."

I inhale, knowing we have more time, nod, and grab that hand.

I start walking to the door, hear her tell that idiot that I know is looking at her that she'll see him next week, and pull her out, knowing that Jazmine head is too forgiving and he's still a fucken idiot.

* * *

I exhale, nod, feeling that soft hand under my own, and hear her say, "So yes, you already know he came for his break and I had to be nice, talked to him for a little, then he left. Mo came back from her break with Mr. Ramirez, I texted you, and you came for your break. Thank you for that bestie, it was nice. And after we came back from making you walk I started putting extra towels and stuff in the residents' restrooms. Then, when I went to the front to tell Mo that I was gonna go see Mrs. Harrington to do her hair, Cairo walked in with flowers."

I inhale, hearing the loud exhale behind me, some possible cursing from him, and hear her say, "I know guys, I know. I guess he had left early again and decided to stop by to give them to me. And I told him that was nice of him, giving me flowers, but he shouldn't have. Then he said he was also doing it because he wanted to apologize for whatever he did to make me mad, I guess because I had been acting weird with him this week, and I told him I accepted his apology, but he still didn't need to get me flowers. Then I told him I was really busy because it was Friday and I needed to go back to the residents and I'd see him on Monday. I went to see if Mrs. Harrington was ready, saw that she was still showering, knew I should go see if Mo needed tea or needed me for something, and when I came back to the front I saw he left those flowers there."

I exhale, feeling those soft fingers moving under me, helping me, and hear her say, "I didn't want them to go to waste and I knew Mrs. Harrington was still gonna take a little showering, so I took the flowers to the kitchen, took them apart, cut the ends off, and put one in the little cup each resident has in their restroom. And I think they were all really happy when they saw that little flower."

I hear him say behind me, "C-Murph woulda beat the fool with them, but actually cutting 'em up and giving them away ain't that bad."

I hear that giggle from her, feeling my smirk, even if I'm slightly, completely fucken irritated at the fact he gave her anything, and hear her say, "Thanks Riley. So how was work? And please keep telling me anything, the cleaning, the moving stuff around because Huey never tells me anything about the stuff he thinks is boring, like the cleaning or his job, even if it's not boring and I wanna know, so tell me Riley, anything new today?"

That Jazmine head that I only talk with about things that matter because I like hearing her talk. And what happened today. Shit.

I look in the rearview mirror, see him looking down, possibly at his phone again, look back at the road, and hear him say, "Wells, told that fucken dumbass who built the kitchen."

I groan, hear that giggle, annoyed at him because too much was said today, and say, "Riley," and hear him cut me off with, "I knows when it ain't the right time, shit McHater, trust my ass, and I ain't done talkin' to ma sis, so just be the damn driver. So I told that fucker….."

I exhale, hearing them talk, not talking about everything that was said, hearing that giggle from her, her exhale, possibly proud of what Riley is saying, and put my fingers over those small warm fingers I felt while she held my hand when we were walking during my break, and know, at least for now, Caesar could be right and I do have a sweet deal at work. But she's still doing her homework in my room, tonight, while I watch her fidget with her necklace.

* * *

I exhale, seeing my clean shiny nails, feeling weird about getting anything done to them, even if it's just a clear coat the nail salon said would make them stronger. But, playing with my nails, it feels weird.

I hear that giggle and hear her say, "Weird as fuck, right sis?"

I exhale, nod, and say, "It's just I keep thinking I hope they don't mess up my training."

I hear them laugh, look up at Ming with those long bouncy layers I'm going to have to trim soon, feeling my smile, and she says, "Shit, I'ma use it for my training. Ain't just swings, knives and my legs they gotta worry 'bout, gonna use these to cut up some hood rats that still don't know their place."

I start laughing and hear Lauren say, "Me to, but I'm still gonna make it artistic, like a nice scratch over a sata's face, like Cin bear took care of at that fight where I think one girl left the school."

I look over at my sister, feeling my smirk, see that cute evil smirk on her, and she says, "Shit, you knows it was that scratched up hood rat that ain't come back. Now I just got two to go, and all 'em other stupid bitches."

I start laughing, hearing them laugh, feeling that head on my shoulder, turn to that soft blonde head, and kiss it.

I exhale, thinking about that dumb fight, that really dumb fight and all those dumb people, and hear that sweet deep voice whisper, "You okay's sissy?"

I nod and say, "I am. After today at the spa, getting our nails done, and spending the whole day with mom and you and Laurie and Mimi's, and now here, I mean it can't get better."

I hear them exhale, feel my smile, and close my eyes, putting my head on top of that soft blonde head.

I hear the game, the talking, wanting how happy I am right now with them, safe, with my mom saying she wanted to only spend the day with us because we were old enough now that she wanted us to spend the rest of the night with friends and she would be safe with pop's, talking to pop's when he came to pick her up, that hug he gave my sister and me and wouldn't let go, Grandad coming to check on us because he loves us and he's an old awesome teddy bear saying he was staying with Ms. Lola tonight, I want all of that to not end. And I smell that pizza that now makes me think about us hanging out together and know today really can't get any better.

Then I hear a voice say, "Jazzy girl, someone wanna talk to you."

I open my eyes, see Hiro smirking at me holding his phone out to me, smile at him, and grab his phone, saying thank you to him and hearing him walk away. I put the phone down on the coffee table, see her in that messy bun, knowing she's probably been studying all day, how cool college has to be, see her smile at us leaning over Hiro's phone, and she says, "I'm so sorry I'm not there, but I promise to make it up to you all, Jazzy I will do what I can to make it up to you, but know that I will make it up, I don't know how yet, but I will."

I exhale at how sweet she is, hearing my friends exhale, and say, "Don't worry Hiroki, just come when you can and maybe when you do we can all go to one of the fairs they have here and see the really big vegetables from farmers or art little kids and adults did or pet the animals. I mean it's so cool because they let you pet chickens and chicks and geese and donkeys and horses and," and I hear my sister say, "And we eat all that deep fried shit, fried frog legs, fried donuts, shit, they got fried Twinkies. Oh I ain't even gonna lie, I'd kill for one of 'em Twinkies."

I hear the snickers, look over at her, see those cute red cheeks reminding me of that time, and say, "Sis you almost did remember, you punched that guy when he cut us off in line and we'd been waiting a while in line to get those fried Twinkies, had to run out of there after they called security, and then had to go back in wearing other clothes because you were gonna have one of those Twinkies and nothing was gonna stop us from getting it for you, and we needed to get it before Ed and Rummy got there and ate all of them because you were so mad that you called Riley and them, forgetting how much they love fried Twinkies to. I mean we bought like ten of them and ran back home because we saw their car pull up."

I exhale, remembering that fun crazy day, pulling her way from that guy, I think an older teenager she punched, running out of the fair, going home to get different clothes, going back to the fair, getting all those deep fried Twinkies, and then running home before Ed and Rummy saw us and wanted to eat those to. Riley was also getting there on his bike and he was just going to add to the craziness over those Twinkies. And, Huey wasn't there. My bestie wasn't there because I know now he was on one of those jobs. When he should've been there punching guys for cutting us in line, telling us how bad those deep fried Twinkies were, how we were going to die from too much grease or fat or both and we were only twelve, and he wasn't there. He was alone, on a job, somewhere, maybe here in Woodcrest or in a different part of the state. I don't know. But I know he was on one of those jobs and I know he's not alone anymore.

And I hear the laughing, feeling my smile, and hear Lauren say, "I wanna do that and I wanna go on all the big rides. Make sure to come sis. We can go pick you up to."

I feel my smile get bigger, look down at Hiro's phone, see Hiroko smiling at Lauren, see her nod, and she says, "That would be nice but I don't want anyone driving all the way here and back and Edward already drove here twice so maybe I'll just fly out there, but for sure if not sooner I'll be there on my spring break."

I nod, hoping that does come soon, and then I hear the doorbell ring.

I look up, feeling my eyebrow rise. We're all here, well except Ed and Rummy because they were at one of those meetings today and told Riley and my sister that they were tired and would try to come but maybe would just stay home and rest.

I hear her again, shake my head, look down at that phone, hearing someone walking to the door, see her smile, and she says, "I think I know who that is. Tell them I said hi even though I already talked to him today, and I want pictures of everything."

I exhale, feeling my warm cheeks because they've been taking pictures all night, smile at her, and say, "Okay and for sure I'll text you tomorrow."

I see her smile and she says, "Okay. Happy Birthday Jazzy."

I nod, feeling my cheeks so red because I just wanted us to hang out, nothing big, just us, see her wave, and see the call end.

I exhale, even happier now, and hear those voices, rolling my eyes at their cursing, knowing Hiroko was right about who was at the door, and hear Ed say, "Where we put this shit grouchy mother fucker?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, and see Ed in regular clothes, like he went home to change after that meeting, carrying a big white rectangular box as wide as his shoulders with two brown stripes across it and cursive writing between those stripes.

_Treats and Fun_

I inhale and look up at that afro. I see him walk up to Ed, grab that box, hearing him thank Ed, and see him turn to us. I see him look at me, hesitate, see him inhale with those cute pursed lips, and start walking up to us.

I see him put the box down on the coffee table and I look down at it.

I see those two brown stripes again, that pretty cursive writing, the name of that place, that ice cream shop, and feel my eyes get watery.

I feel her hug me, putting her forehead on my shoulder, and hear her say, "Don't cry Jazzy. It's your birthday. And McHater said you getting a cake no matter what you say."

I sniffle, feel the couch to my left go down a little, feel that head on my other shoulder, and hear Ming say, "Yeah, your afro said you liked this place and he'd make sure the cake got here and shit, cuz that way you wouldn't know shit was happening cuz we were gonna be with you all day."

I feel the tear going down my cheek, not knowing why I'm feeling like this if I've gotten cakes before, I have, but this one feels different, like all that stuff was worth it to have this day, safe, happy with them, my mom who's happy at pop's house right now, my grandma that sent me a birthday card remembering when we called her two weeks ago she said this year she gets to send another birthday card to her baby granddaughter to, Grandad that I saw put a present in Huey's room even if he was trying to not let me see it, Hiroko that we just talked to and said happy birthday to me, my sister that I love and is living with me now, everyone, everyone here, and I inhale, feeling that head leaning on the back of my head, and hear Lauren say, "And Huey let us pick a slice for the filling but he said there were going to be two slices for sure of cookies and cream and rainbow ice cream. Cin bear wanted coconut cake, Mimi wanted red velvet, and I wanted vanilla ice cream. And you have to have a taste of each one, just a spoon, okay?"

I exhale, feel that kiss on my shoulder from my sister, feel my smile, nod, see those mocha colored hands take out one flap on the side of that white box, then the other side, feeling like such a little kid, waiting for it, waiting, see that box open, and close my eyes feeling the tears coming down.

He made them do one of those awesome cake topper pictures. It's so. I sniffle, hearing them all say how cool it is, I think taking pictures of it, and hear someone say, "Ain't that Cowboy Bebop?"

I open my eyes, blink, feeling the tears on my cheeks, feeling someone putting something soft, maybe a pretty handkerchief in my hand, and look over at where that voice came from.

I see Rummy standing behind that two-person couch, see him look around at us holding that glass of water, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Don't be ignorant now, you'll know that be one of the top rated shows of all fucken time? Shit. Grew up watching it when you'll were still watching Saturday morning cartoons eating cheerios. I mean just cuz you ain't watch it back then don't mean it wasn't one of the best shows out, shit, the absence of evidence, i.e. this show being watched by someone that ain't you, is not the evidence of absence, i.e. don't mean it wasn't being watched by someone that ain't you."

I blink, wiping the tears away, thinking maybe I'm just not smart enough to get what he's trying to say, and hear Riley say, "You knows, that shit actually fucken makes sense when you say it like that."

I feel my mouth open, not knowing what's going, see Rummy smirk at Riley I think, and he says, "Your ass was also eight when I was telling you that and most fucken people my age still don't know what the fuck I'm saying."

I blink and feel my mouth open wider. Did Rummy just say Riley gets stuff, understands things, that even people Rummy's age don't get?

I hear that laughing, start laughing with them, and see the room go a little dark.

I inhale, look over at the light switch on the wall, and see that tall boy with the light from the kitchen with his hand over that light switch.

I see him walk over to us, see him crouch down on the other side of the coffee table, and feel my smile seeing him put that one big candle on the cake over that Cowboy Bebop sign so he doesn't damage the picture. Then, I see that lighter over the candle, and see him turn it on, lighting that candle.

I inhale, hearing the signing, that happy birthday song, looking down at the picture on the cake, the orange background, Jet in the background in a darker orange you can only see if you really look at that background, Spike with that greenish hair holding that gun up, that smirk on him looking to the left, Jet next to him with that bald head, that facial hair that goes out like a triangle on each one of his cheeks, Faye, my Faye Valentine in front of Jet holding that gun, with the short haircut, that cute outfit that I think I could still only wear in Huey's room, pointing that gun down towards the right, Ed holding Ein, that little Corgi that's a smart data dog and loves Ed and leaves the show to go be with Ed, Ed that was a girl in the American version of the show with those cute goggles she uses whenever she's riding her scooter, and those Japanese writings on the right of the picture with 'Cowboy Bebop' under it.

And I inhale, hearing Huey's voice I think, signing. But it's Huey and he doesn't sign that happy birthday song. He doesn't. And I feel my eyes get watery, looking at that cake, because I know that monotone voice, that cute annoyed voice I just heard say that last part. He just said happy birthday to me signing that song, and even if it's just in my head, even if I'm dreaming it, it's okay because I have more than I have ever had.

I go down and blow that candle.

Black Jesus, you can keep this wish. Maybe give it to a girl that really needs it, is in pain still, because I'm not.

* * *

What?

I know he's talking because I've heard him talk before, that monotone voice talk about stuff like politics, education, the government, people dying, us dying, how Mr. Wuncler isn't as bad as people think because he at least is okay being a criminal and doesn't hide it, just uses the law to get richer. And I've heard that voice talk about other stuff, stuff that's special only to us and our friends, like what books his parents liked reading to him and his brother, books on strong black heroes, books his mom actually made for them, books she made.

But, he's never talked about this, something so, so.

I exhale, shaking I think, hear him say my nickname, and say, "Yes bestie?"

I see him exhale and he says, "Do you like it, because if you don't I can…," and I can't hear anything else. I stand up, jump on him, hugging him, putting my face in that neck, smelling it, sniffling so much, crying, holding on to that box with all my strength.

I feel those hands go around my waist, those arms hug me, and I tell that neck that smells like that soap that I really, really, really love him with all my heart.

I feel him exhale and hear him say, "Does that Jazmine head want me to put it on again?"

I feel my smile, hug those shoulders tighter, kiss the neck, and nod because I can't really talk anymore.

I let go of those shoulders, move back, see those eyes with that half smile, and I sniffle.

I sit back down on the bed, give him the box, feeling a little guilty that it's crumpled up like that because I was holding it too hard, hear that cute laugh from him, feeling my cheeks get warm, and see him take it off of that soft little pillow it was on top of in that box. I see him put that box down on the bed and feel him grab my right hand.

I inhale, trying to remember every second of this, feel him put that warm rough hand under my hand, reminding me that my hand is smaller than his by a little, and see him put that circle over the end of my finger.

I exhale, seeing him move it up, feeling that soft silver band under my finger, the finger next to my pinky, and hear him say, "Although we do not come from that continent but this one, this country, where our people were brought in boats to die, the Irish were also brutalized by the ancestors of the people our own people were enslaved and killed by, which means we have some connection to the Irish, possibly their traditions."

I inhale, blink, seeing it reach my knuckle, and hear him say, "And so, like that necklace with a stone that traditionally comes from a land, a people that we do not come from, but still a people that were oppressed by their government and continue to be politically, it is not out of the question to use the traditions of those oppressed people, traditions our own people are still forging from Africa and all the places we come from into our own traditions, such as the attempt to practice in the physical world the representation of friendship with two hands, whatever love is in the heart those hands are holding, all under the sign of loyalty, the crown. The Irish call it a Claddagh ring and it means something different depending on which finger it's on and how you wear it."

I feel the tears going down my cheeks, not caring about wiping them away as long as I can see how pretty it is with those little white diamonds, four little white diamonds that look like arms for those hands, but all I see is those two hands holding the heart with the crown on top, all in silver, wondering if he put it on me like that so I can see the heart, and hear him say, "It's somewhat of a process. If you wear it on your right hand as you are with the heart and crown facing out, away from you, it means a relative gave this to you, and your feelings are available, in the dating aspect, for others to ask for. If you wear it on your left hand it means something resembling engagement, marriage proposals. But."

I exhale, trying to listen to that deep monotone voice saying those words, and hear him say, "If you wear it as you are now, on your right hand, with the heart and crown facing you, it means those Jazmine feelings are not available for anyone, that you're committed, in the nonlegal, nonbinding, consensual way to whoever gave you this ring, because you share a friendship, be it a childish immature friendship where you happen to be best friends, you possibly, maybe, hold each other's organs that pump blood in and out of the body and this society calls a heart in high regard, maybe even wanting it to only hold you in it, if feelings actually come from that organ, and of course that all of that is strengthened by the crown that heart holds up, because you're loyal to each other, you've always been loyal to each other, and promise to continue being so for as long as that Jazmine head wants."

I close my eyes, putting my hands over my face, feeling all those tears coming down, telling him I want all of that and he's the best boyfriend ever, and I should've sat on his lap when he moved here and forced him to be my boyfriend back then, and I feel him hug me.

I feel that exhale from him with those arms around me and hear him say, "You should've."

I inhale, grab that handkerchief in my pocket, feeling him move back, wipe the tears away, look up at him, and see that big cute smirk probably because my face is really red from crying.

I feel my smirk, put the handkerchief back in my pocket, move up, putting my hands around that neck, see those pretty eyes, and move in, slowly.

I get to those lips, smelling that toothpaste he just used, and feel that wet afro in my hands, a little slippery because he just put that oil from morocco in it, knowing my hair's a little wet, a little slippery to, because I left some conditioner in it to calm it down.

I lick my lips remembering I went home after our friends left so I could shower, clean up a little, floss and brush my teeth, and say, "Thank you Huey. You are my best friend, you are in my heart, and I'm gonna keep being loyal to you, but tonight I want more from you."

I see those eyelids come down a little, looking down at me, and I move up a little more and kiss those lips.

I feel him kiss me back, hard, feeling that tongue push through, almost like he's been waiting all night to kiss me even if I did kiss him, a little peck, when I came over.

I feel those hands go down to my hips, those fingers going under my shirt, on my skin, and I put my hands on the back of that neck, squeezing it, feeling my new ring, hoping I don't hurt him with it, and hear that groan.

And it's my birthday. I'm sixteen today.

I push back, putting my tongue in that mouth, moving up to that body, feeling that hard chest press down on me, and move away, kissing the side of those lips. I kiss him, over and over, telling him that it's my birthday, it's been perfect, better than perfect, I want this night to keep being perfect, and I want to be with him, really be with him, all the way.

I bring my hands down, away from that afro I'm going to keep touching later, grab the hem of my shirt, and feel those bigger warm hands that were on my hips press down on my hands, stopping me.

I move away, open my eyes, see those eyes looking at me, a little wide, not blinking, see that head tilt a little like he does in that cute way I'm starting to think he does when he's confused or curious, and he says, "What do you mean Jazmine?"

I smile at how slow he said that, thinking maybe he asked the question like that because he wants me to really understand his question, really answer it. And he needs to hear it, he needs to hear the answer because of how he was raised, both him and his brother.

I exhale and say, as clearly as I can, "Huey, I want to take off all of my clothes, want you to take off all of your clothes, want us to be with each other, and have sex."

I see him exhale with that smile, feel myself exhale at how beautiful I don't think he's ever going to know he really is, wanting this night to never end, and he says, "I want to as well but I want to possibly add something to the night first."

I feel my eyebrow rise, not knowing what else he can add. He already got me an awesome cake, making sure my sister and friends and two little cute girls were part of that cake, hung out with our friends and family all day, eating pizza from our favorite pizza place tonight, then gave me a ring I'm still going to cry over later, and now he wants to add something more.

I exhale, feeling confused, and see those Freeman cheeks getting red, looking bashful.

I feel my smile at how cute he's being and say, "Okay, what do you wanna add bestie?"

I feel that hand move away, feel that rough thumb go over my cheek, I think taking more tears away, not knowing I still had some tears on my face, and he says, "Just sit here for five seconds."

I exhale, nod, feel that body move away, see him get up from the bed, and see him walk over to the door. And before I can ask where he's going he stops at the door, puts his hand over the light switch, and turns around, looking at me. Then, I see him look around the room, confusing me more, and see him turn that switch down, seeing the room go completely dark, but not really.

I inhale seeing the stars around the room, all over the room, turning my head, seeing them on every wall, the closet doors, and feel my eyes get watery again, looking up at the ceiling. All those stars. Just like my happy place. But how? When? I was here yesterday and we walked into a dark room. Did he do this after he walked me to my house? And how does he know? I've never told him about my happy place, just that I meditate sometimes. I think I remember telling him about Africa, that I want to go there one day, with him, but I didn't tell him about the stars. Those stars in the night sky. I sniffle. How did he know?

And what's that sound?

I turn, blink, feeling the tears going down my face, and see a little green light coming from inside that little drawer where I keep my extra clothes, and like that moth I am to that little light, I start crawling to it.

I hear that sound getting louder and louder, where I can hear words now, inhale the sniffles, and hear the words.

_I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine__  
__Hold on to me, pretty baby, and you'll s...__  
__I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine__  
__Hold on to me, pretty baby, and you'll s..._

I get to the drawer, stand up, open it, and hear it.

_I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine__  
__Hold on to me, pretty baby, and you'll s...__  
__I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine__  
__Hold on to me, pretty baby, and you'll s..._

The same words that go on and on in that song, feeling my tears coming down. My favorite song by Sagun. I hear it ending, like it's been playing a while but with the volume low where I couldn't hear it.

And then I hear that next song coming out of that little green rectangle speaker, the next song with that piano and that sound of glass in the background.

I exhale, not knowing words right now.

I feel that heat next to me, see that hand go down, grab that little speaker where I can hear _Another Perspective_ by Idealism. Another one of my favorite songs that comes out in my Sagun playlist on my Pandora account. But how?

I see him put that little speaker on top of the drawer and see him put his phone next to it, feeling my inhale and my smile, seeing that Pandora account with the Sagun Radio channel open. And he doesn't have a Pandora account because he doesn't listen to a lot of music, just whatever he feels like listening to, whatever he wants to download and listen to, or in that boombox that's in the garage I think. But he doesn't have a Pandora account.

And I smile seeing the song that was playing before Sagun's _I'll Keep You Safe_. It was _Gamble_ by Tokimonsta. I exhale, put my hands on my face, letting the tears come down, because it's only us, it's Huey, and he did all of this. And he doesn't like spending money on things like plastic sticky stars or buying stuff that doesn't help the black community, if he doesn't have to, but he bought that speaker and started a Pandora account, even if it's free the first month I think, he still did it.

And I feel him hug me, making me cry more because he hugs me so much now, and hear him say into my ear, "Jazmine, I can turn it off if…," and I hear _I'm Drunk And Confused_ by Sagun, look over at him, see those eyes looking down at me with that scrunched forehead I can see because of the little green light coming from the speaker, feel my smile, go up, and kiss him.

I feel him kiss me back, feel myself sit down with the bed under my butt, tasting that toothpaste, that tongue, and feel those hands going under my shirt, and I remember and move back, pushing that chest with that black t-shirt with the Fight the Power Public Enemy white logo in the front.

I see those eyes open with that pretty burgundy going into that auburn, feel my smile, and say, "Lay down."

I see that cute smirk with that green light from that speaker, see him exhale with that smirk getting bigger, and see him move back, feeling him grab my hand, and pull me up.

Then, walking around the bed to his side of the bed even if it's really his bed but I always sleep on the right side, I start squirming my hand out of his, see him look back at me with that raised eyebrow, knowing that green light is bright but not bright enough, see him open his mouth, and I say, "I said for you to lay down bestie, I didn't say anything about me."

I hear him exhale, feeling my cheeks get red knowing he's being really cute not wanting to let go of my hand, feel him hesitate, see him nod, and feel him let go.

I watch him lay down in that place, where he always is when I walk in here, in that t-shirt I gave him and he still wears even if it's faded, those red basketball shorts he put on in the bathroom before he came back to the room and was getting that nightshirt from his drawer when he pulled out that little box wrapped in that brown wrapping paper. That little box with that ring, the ring he gave me because he wants to maybe show the world that we're not only together but my feelings are taken, I'm committed, in a nonlegal, very Huey way of saying, that it's because I want to be committed to the person that gave me this pretty silver ring, because we're best friends, and we have each other in each other's heart, where he still says feelings in that cute way maybe don't come from, but even if he doesn't believe feelings come from someone's heart he believes our friendship, our feelings for each other, are stronger because of that crown that means we're loyal to each other and he wants us to be loyal until I don't want it anymore. My bestie. My Huey. And I want to show my Huey.

I throw him a kiss, see him move a little, I think maybe waiting for me, and I turn around back to the door, walk to it, and hear him say my nickname. I get to that door, that light switch, and turn it back up, bringing that light back to the room.

I turn back to him, see him exhale squinting those pretty eyes, probably really confused, but I want to show him, and we have time to see those pretty stars again.

I inhale my courage, my Jazzy courage, everything I am, cross my hands over my stomach, grab the hem of my pink long sleeved shirt, and pull it over my stomach, my chest, my head, and my wet hair that's still drying, dropping it next to me, hearing him curse.

I look down right away at my jeans before I lose my courage, unbutton the only button, unzip my jeans, and start moving them over my hips, slowly, very slowly, hearing a slower curse word from him this time.

I push my jeans down to my knees, my ankles, feeling my smile hearing him groan from here, even with the music still playing, push them down to my feet, pushing my socks down to, exhale, and step out of my jeans, stepping forward, and pushing my jeans and socks back into the door.

I inhale, look up, see that mouth open a little, that pink tongue is his mouth, that head tilted in that cute way, looking at my chest I think or my stomach or my underwear, remember picking this out at the mall today because I just couldn't make up my mind on the color until today, remembering how he looked at me during our vacation, on Christmas even if he doesn't like celebrating that holiday, and say, "I don't think you really have a favorite color but I think you like red a little and I think you like these underwear but the bra is for me because I like this style."

I see him stand up, feeling my eyes get big because I wanted to sway my hips walking towards him, see him take those steps, looking at me, and he says, "It's green, several variations, but I like you in red more than any other color, now stay still because I'm making you cum the first time standing up, where you are."

I inhale, see him get to me, and see him kneel in front of me. I look down, see him looking at my cherry red underwear that tie on the sides, feel those hands on my hips, that hard squeeze from those hands, and see him go in.

I close my eyes, feeling that tongue go up, licking my underwear, and inhale, hearing myself say his name, and I think I hear him say he loves how I taste. God.

* * *

I feel the bed under me, thinking about my underwear somewhere in the room, I think, my red push up bra somewhere on the bed that I got to unclip because of that cute yellow clip in the front with the Victoria Secret heart hanging off of it, happy my chest is big enough where I can wear those styles if I want to and not just shop in the Pink store, and I look up into those eyes.

I see those eyes blink, feeling my smile, hearing that song with the trumpet I think, it's one with a beat, a piano, and that trumpet. I think it's called _Got to My Head_ by Phonks, I think, and I see those eyes surrounded by those stars, that night sky, in my happy place, or maybe in his room, his room where I see all those stars, smelling that oil from Morocco all over my face. But maybe, my happy place is that night sky in Africa and this room. I hear him exhale, smelling that breath that smells like him and me, that flavor he says he loves, and I licked off of his face, while he put those fingers inside of me again, I think when I orgasmed another time, I don't know. All I know is the light in the room is off, I can see all those stars where I don't know where the wall ends and the ceiling begins, it's just a night sky, the only light I can see is that green light from the speaker that's making that afro have this kind of green glow, and he's on top of me.

I feel the shaking in my body, his body, and he says, "I'm not going anywhere, stay here."

I nod, not knowing what else to do, feel that body leave me, look down, see him sit up, seeing that cock, feeling nervous for the first time this night because I don't think it's going to fit. It's not.

I exhale, trying to relax a little, see him move over to the edge, put his legs over the bed, sitting down, see him bend down, and hear him open his bottom drawer in the nightstand. Then I see him sit up again holding a box.

I blink, see him grab the edge of the box, open it, hearing the sound of that new box being opened, see him put his hand in, and take out one of those wrappers. I exhale, see him close the box, and drop it in the drawer, hearing him close the drawer with his foot. I see him open that wrapper without making noise, not remembering a lot, but remembering my mom said we always have to make sure it's a new condom every time.

And I inhale, seeing him take out that condom, see him let go of the wrapper, letting it fall on the floor I think, put that condom over that head I got to taste earlier before he came in my mouth, licking my lips, and exhale, knowing he had that box in the bottom drawer, not the top drawer, when he had it in the top drawer last week when I looked in there trying to find my extra phone cord charger. That day I saw that box, felt my cheeks get so red, and closed it. Then I went to wash my face to get rid of the redness. But, right now, he had that box in the bottom drawer, like maybe he didn't want people to find it if they opened his top drawer or maybe he wasn't prepared for this, maybe thinking I wouldn't want to or would want to wait longer. He was okay waiting for me longer.

I see him turn to me and I sit up, move up to that face, and kiss him, feeling the blanket falling off of my chest.

And I tell him I love him and I always wanted it to be him, always.

I feel him lay me back down, kissing my face, my chin, and my neck, where I have to have so many marks but I don't really care about how many. I feel those kisses on my chest, hearing another song with a guitar, other sounds, a soft drum, I think _Bridges_ by Koresma, not sure, feeling him lay down next to me, feeling something rubbery, warm next to my thigh move, and I inhale, feeling that nervousness no matter what.

Then I feel that mouth cover my right breast, feeling my head go back on to the pillow again, closing my eyes, and feel that hand massaging my thigh I think, maybe. And then I feel that hand get closer to my vagina, closer, closer, and feel those fingers going inside of me. I hear myself say his name again, feeling that thumb making those circles over my vagina again, and hear myself say I want him, not knowing why I said that, but knowing it's the truth.

I hear that mouth over my breast inhale, feel that mouth move away, those fingers leave my insides, feeling the bed move, I think with him putting his hand next to my left shoulder, and feel that chest move over me, feeling it with my nipples, and hear him tell me to open my eyes.

I open them and inhale seeing those stars again, smelling that oil from Morocco that's on my face, see those eyes that look like the top of those pyramids, sharp with a glaze over that auburn color, like pyramids that are on fire, and hear him say, "I love you."

I inhale, feeling that rubbery feeling in my opening, my vagina, feeling nervous still but wanting something to happen, something, and say, "I love you," and I scream something, feeling that pain shoot up, like cramps feel, but worse, like all that pain from cramps is in that spot, that one spot, hearing him groan and say, "Jazzy, it's too much, we can stop," feeling that pain going away, and I inhale, bring my hands up around that hard torso, hugging him, and I move down a little, feeling that pain again. Fuck. Oh my god.

I hear him groan louder and hear him say, "Jazzy, please, just," and I say, "Please Huey, please, just trust me, and keep going, please."

I feel that inhale in his chest, in that torso I'm holding on to, feel the bed move, I think his hands that were on the bed move, and feel his hands push my shoulders back down onto the bed, feeling the shaking, the tears all over my face, the pain, and see those auburn eyes, hearing him say he does trust me, and feel him kiss me, closing my eyes, and feeling that pain expand, screaming into his mouth, feeling him shaking, feeling myself bite something, and feel that pain get deeper. I close my eyes harder, wanting this to end but wanting it to be with him and not wanting this to end, feeling the bed moving, my back moving up, those arms hugging me, tasting his tongue and something sweet and metal-like, not tangy, but metal, like blood, blood on his tongue, and feel that pain in my stomach, like I'm peeing and cramping, and it's the worse cramps I've ever had, the worse in the world, and I want them to stop, and I hold on to that torso harder, feeling the tears on the sides of my face, the pain inside of my stomach, inside of my body, all over my body, feeling those kisses on my cheeks, my eyes, feeling him shaking, and hearing him say that's it, it's all the way in and he loves me.

I inhale, trying to not cry more, sob, even if the tears are still coming down, and I tell him I'm okay, I promise.

I hear him exhale, feeling him shaking, and hear him say, "It's better for me now, can I," and I say, "Yes."

I feel that body move a little, feeling my insides in that pain, that expanding, crunching together, expanding, crunching together, that pain, those kisses on my face, my chin, that voice saying things to me, like how beautiful I am, remembering he doesn't know how beautiful he is, and I open my eyes.

I exhale, seeing that afro move up, and then those eyes look at me, surrounded by those stars, hearing music somewhere I think, a song I know maybe, _Elevated _by Iamnobodi, maybe, seeing those eyes, the way he's always looked at me, like I'm special to him, and feel myself relaxing because it's also Huey and I know for sure nothing will ever happen to me as long as he's in the room, and I let go of that torso a little.

I feel him exhale, feeling that scrunching of my insides all the way down, feeling that hard body moving down, like he's leaving the scrunching behind him as he's moving away, and then feel that expanding with that body moving up, like he's bringing that expanding with him, feeling that pain that feels more like heat now, that heat he gives me, and I exhale, feeling my nails go into that heat, that back I sometimes massage, feeling him stop, hearing inhale, and hear him say, "Jazzy, it was painful but right now it feels too fucken good, better than that, so just."

I feel my smile, pulling my nails out of that back, feeling him exhale, and feel that expanding and that scrunching of my insides again, hearing the noise of so much water down there, seeing those eyes looking down at me, hearing that voice telling me he wanted this with me, feeling that heat expanding with that pain behind it now, feeling those kisses on my forehead, and I exhale.

Then I see that face again, those eyes look at me, see those big pupils, knowing I've never seen them like that, and see him come down, feeling him kiss me. I feel the shaking, the heat down there, where it feels like a volcano, something so hot I don't know how there's still water down there. But, I know there's water because I can hear it, the moving of that water around me or maybe inside of me whenever I feel him move up, bringing that expanding with him, and then feeling my body, my insides, relaxing when he moves back, almost like that scrunching is my body trying to come back to being normal, the way it is when my insides are not expanding like that, even if that expanding's bringing that heat, that heat that's so hot I know there's nothing hotter, like how hot days in Africa are, in the Sahara Desert, and in front of those pyramids, where sometimes people can only come out at night when it's cool enough, and then they can see those stars.

Those stars. Those stars that I can see around that afro, through that afro, feeling him kissing my face, my ear I think, hearing him saying things into my ear, blink, feeling that expanding bring that heat again, and feel it, I feel it, that feeling in my stomach, that feeling, not feeling anything else, just that feeling in my stomach, hearing the water moving, feeling the back I'm holding on to, the scrunching, wanting that heat to come back, that expanding to come back, wanting him to come back, and then feeling it again, that expanding, and hear myself say it feels so good, oh my god, it feels so good, I want more, I want more, it feels so fucken good, oh my god, feeling my nails digging into something hard, feeling that heat that started in my vagina, in my stomach now, that heat going up into my chest, feeling those strong arms holding my shoulders and neck up, I think, my neck that feels like jelly right now, and feeling my legs moving, that heat going down them, down, to my feet I think, feeling my toes curl as I'm digging into that back, and close my eyes feeling all of it, hearing myself say I'm coming, oh my god, I'm coming.

And I feel him shaking, I think sweating, feeling that bite somewhere, I think my shoulder, that saliva or water, I don't know, something going down my shoulder from that bite, those hard hips pushing down into me, feeling that expanding move up a little, almost like a push from it, and feel that bite going into my shoulder, I think, thinking I heard him say that again, calling me baby.

I feel him shaking so much, holding him, knowing I'm shaking to, feeling that tongue licking my shoulder, feeling that tongue slow down, then stop, and feel that forehead lean on my shoulder. I exhale, feeling that shaking, hearing his breathing, and hear him say, "I love you Jazzy. Stay."

I inhale, knowing for sure that shaking is from both of us, know I'm still dizzy, a little, I'm so thirsty, I think from me sweating, blink, hearing those words from him, and say the first thing I think of, "I love you Huey, we're best friends, my feelings are taken by you, and I wanna be loyal to you until you don't want it anymore, so we're stuck with each other, and I want you to stay."

I feel the shaking in his chest, hearing the trumpet from _Tired Boy_ by Joey Pecoraro, taking my nails out of that back, feeling him exhale, and hear him say, "It's also a promise ring."

I inhale, feeling my eyes get watery for the fiftieth time tonight I think, and feel my smile, remembering I said I didn't want a birthday wish because I'm not in pain anymore, but I got to have this anyways, all of it. Thank you Black Jesus.

* * *

I move my arm in, just an inch more, feeling that loose shirt I made her wear. I exhale. She should be fine even if she doesn't feel it right now. But still, the ibuprofen I had her take was necessary. The pain was acute, as most injuries are, because having sex for the first time in many cases involves the injury that is the stretching and sometimes breaking of their hymen, the acute pain that can come from that alone. But many girls by our age have broken their hymen because of sports or other activities and idiots, fucken idiots that don't know the human body enough but can't wait to start having sex, think just because she didn't bleed she must have been lying about being a virgin, even though it's possible she didn't bleed because she's involved in sports, broke her hymen years ago, bled then, but she was still a virgin when she had sex with that fucken idiot that's questioning her having been a virgin. This society. And they're all fucken idiots.

But her. Shit. I inhale and hear her say, "I'm sorry. It was a lot. I'll get you new ones."

I close my eyes, trying to not berate her for being so Jazmine, exhale, open my eyes, seeing those insignificant plastic stars I'll be removing at some point, and say, "Jazmine, they're bedsheets. I couldn't care less about them. And I told you, they're in the trash, I have several sets because I see no point in buying ones with prints, which allows me to buy large quantities of them, since we should always be ready for the next disaster, the crisis that no one but us and those aware enough will pay attention to before it's too late, why I have five extra sets in my closet alone, not including the extra twenty-five in the attic along with a five-year supply of cereal, green beans, and drinkable water, batteries, everything necessary to survive and defend this house from intruders."

I exhale, remembering I should replace some of the cereal that's pass its expiration date, but bedsheets don't have expiration dates and do not have to be replaced, and say, "So one set of bedsheets, one that if I find out you replaced will make this night less what idiot teenagers call 'special', means very little, means nothing, just like the mattress and anything else that ended up having any blood on it, because it the grand scheme of things, that blood just means it was you, so stop fidgeting because the pain will come back, and rest."

Shit. I could've said that, all of that, differently. Fuck. Why do I still do this to her? On this night? A night I also wanted to be 'special'.

I inhale, smelling that hair, seeing those plastic, hard cold stars, feeling that soft hand over my own, those fingers going through my own, hearing that giggle, and I exhale, closing my eyes, moving my face down to that hair.

I feel that ass move back into me, letting her move anyway she wants, because whereas her pain was longer lasting, possibly some I will never completely understand, my pain was only the stretching inside of her, that stretching that soon became that warmth, that slickness, that tightness, feeling myself twitch, and exhale, trying to not think of that right now. Damn. If there is a god. Shit.

I exhale, feeling that back on my chest rise, fall, hearing that breathing, knowing as tired as I do feel right now, because sometimes, rarely, but sometimes I do tire, I might not wake up earlier than her after we fall asleep, won't be able to count those freckles until next week, next week. Fuck. Next week. Next week when we're going to deal with that fucken idiot I'll leave near death if I have to, at least to a point where he understands he'll never get near her, and that other fucken idiot that gave her anything for her birthday when only her friends and family should be giving her gifts because no matter what that Jazmine head thinks, he's not her friend, he's a fucken idiot. But, that's not happening right now, and I get to ask for things today.

I squeeze that waist just enough and say, "I want to feel content tomorrow, one more day."

I feel that back move up again, hearing her inhale, feel those fingers in between my own, and hear her say, "Deal. We have our 'Huey and Jazzy slash non-friend Sunday' tomorrow, but first we need to take care of the platforms with Mimi and Caes, email Ericka to see if we can get her to talk to the people there to see if any of those organizations that we sent them to aren't helping them, and then at noon we'll turn it off for the rest of the day, have a nice break from everything, everything, not thinking about anything but books and food, and maybe since it's warmer, there isn't snow on the ground anymore, we can have a picnic at our hill, even if you still argue with me about the bugs, because you need to get more sunlight for your digestive system bestie, okay?"

I exhale and say, "Jazmine. You need to sleep in, rest. It was." I stop, inhale, and say, "Painful for you."

I hear her exhale, possibly roll those greens, and hear her say, "Bestie, yes, it was painful, a little, well, a lot, but I'm okay now, I really am, and you even had me take medicine for the pain, and if I feel pain tomorrow I'll take that medicine again okay? But we need that break, we do, before we have to, you know, take care of stuff next week, stuff you're not doing alone, ever, and I want us to take care of the platforms, people the organizations could be helping more, maybe while you do your laundry because I know you ran out of your white t-shirts you use for nightshirts, then we'll have a nice picnic, just us, where we'll take stuff to read or we'll just talk, resting like that, before we do that. Deal?"

I exhale, trying still to not squeeze her as I normally would, feeling my smirk, possibly my damn smile, and say, "Fine, if you are in pain you take more ibuprofen, do not try to act like you're not in pain, we take that break tomorrow on that hill, and then we take care of next week when it comes."

I hear her exhale, feeling that back push up into my chest, trying to remember to not squeeze what's mine, not right now, and hear her say, "Deal. Goodnight bestie."

I exhale, close my eyes, remembering I gave her a promise ring tonight, something we have not talked about, aware of what that promise ring means, not completely sure if she's aware of what it means, but along with everything else, including her figuring out exactly what it means, we can take it week by week, and respond to that with, "Deal. Goodnight Nubian princess."

* * *

Hi everyone,

So in about a week, after I give some people time to read it, I'm gonna change the rating to 'M'. Hope it doesn't turn anyone away, but at this point I just can't see it being no 'T' rating. This shit's 'M' LOL.

And, I'm not going to discuss the current issues right now, because those are my opinions, my views, even if I think they're right, and I'll only keep telling others how I feel if they PM me (thanks A).

So, everyone take care. Be informed. And if you need a side thing, like reading fanfiction and telling the writer just how slow-paced the chapter is or how much raunchier it should be, please think of me LOL.

It's also 1:54 AM on Sunday morning. LOL. I'm nuts.

-Bulma's Ego.


	40. Tired of crazy

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

REVIEWS:

LavenderLuvER18: Thank you! I don't know if they're going to continue being so but I hope so. Either way, I do hope you like this one. Oh, and thank you, thank you, for your support.

GREENPEACE1990: Thank you! I love the idea of anyone liking this story and it being one of someone's favorites is awesome to me. Hope you like this next chapter.

NOTE FOR CHAPTER: The descriptions Jazmine is making for the things she got from her friends come directly from Marcus Williams's drawing.

CHAPTER 40:

I see them there, feel my smile, hearing that groan next to me, feeling my smile get bigger, feel that heat next to my ear, feeling my cheeks getting red already, and hear him whisper, "I'll let you talk for seven minutes."

I nod, knowing my cheeks are red for sure, and say, "Okay, have fun meditating."

I feel that squeeze on my side, inhale, and hear him whisper again, not remembering when he started doing that so much in public, the whispering and touching me like that, "You consider that fun Jazmine?"

I exhale, trying to make the redness go away, and say, "I do and I know you do to but I know you're also gonna be in the closest restroom and I want you to come back after those seven minutes because I wanna keep touching you on the way to class because that's fun for me."

I hear him exhale, see them smile at me, feeling so happy, almost excited, and hear him say, "Fine, but meditating is for training, not to be considered fun, as oppose to other things, things between us, and don't leave that locker."

I feel my mouth open. Did Huey just say stuff between us, stuff we do, is fun to him? Did he just say something is fun to him? And then I feel that squeeze again and I take that last step, seeing them start laughing, and hear him say good morning to them.

I look over at him, see that tall boy with that soft afro walking away towards the restroom, blink, and hear them say something.

I shake my head, look back at Ming and Lauren, see them laughing harder, closing my eyes laughing with them, and then I feel those arms going around my shoulders, around my chest, smelling that coconut lotion, and feel her kiss my shoulder.

I turn to her, kiss that head, not knowing when she got here, see her giggle, and she says, "So ma sis show you'll?"

I inhale, feel someone grab my hand, look back at them, and see both Ming and Lauren grabbing my hand looking at it.

I exhale, trying to make the redness go away, but it's not going away, and I can feel it.

I see them look up at me and I look down feeling so embarrassed.

Then I hear Lauren say, "Can our dresses be purple Jazzy, like a soft purple because that's my favorite color?"

I blink, look up at her, see her smiling, and hear Ming say, "Nah Laurie, gotta be red, like fire, cuz we all on fire this week and got the best fucken guys, wells some other ones at this school good to, but 'least for us, we got the best fucken ones."

I look over at Ming, see her smirking, blink, feeling confused, look back at Lauren, and say, "Laurie wait, what dresses?"

I see them both smile and hear my sister say, "Jazzy boo, McHater gave your ass some ring, don't even matter if it's for that shit, but he gave you some damn ring, you'll made for each other, you knows, all that romantic shit, so Laurie butt and Mimi be talkin' bout wedding dresses, like for maids and shit."

I feel my mouth open, look over at her, see that pretty smile on her, that look my mom has, that soft look that only our mom has, and my sister says, "You knows, cuz truth is we all made for each other, I means even if we still gots to go through some shit we all made for them stubborn asses or other way around, they're lucky assess made for us, so it ain't that crazy to be talkin' 'bout weddings and shit, probably after college and shit though, so maybe don't know yet, but 'least for now we keep getting to know 'em but we can still plan the color for our dresses, and I'ma say yellow cuz that's our mama's color."

I exhale, feel my smile seeing that loose Dutch braid she let me do this morning before we left the house, got into Dorothy, drove here with Huey and Riley, before she left with Riley to go to her locker and Huey and I walked over to his locker, and then saw Ming and Lauren waiting here after their boyfriends dropped them off for our normal routine. And should I just tell Ms. Lola to give my locker to someone else because I never use it anymore?

I shake my head, kiss that head again, see her giggle, and say, "Okay, you're right, for now we keep getting to know those stubborn guys, but if we ever get married, ever, we both have our maids use yellow dresses because that's our mom's favorite color, okay?"

I see her smile, remembering how much my sister smiles at school now, and feel those other arms hug us.

I exhale, hug them back, and hear Ming say, "No matter what goes down this week, ever, we gots each other alright, and Cin bear's right, we can talk 'bout that shit laters, you knows, after college and shit, but right now, let's see that ring girl."

I start laughing with them, feel them let go of me, see them grab my hand again, looking at my Claddagh ring that I haven't looked up anything on because Huey told me enough, what it means, and know I don't need to know more than that.

I hear them exhale, feeling my smile, and hear Ming say, "Damn. Keeps getting you that white gold Jazzy."

I exhale, seeing those little hands holding that heart, not knowing for sure if it's white gold or silver but knowing it's okay if I don't know, and hear my sister say, "Nah Mimi. That ring there be silver."

I look over at her, see her looking at my hand that Ming and Lauren are holding, see her squinting at it, and she says, "Gold rings be skinner and shit, more delicate and whatnot cuz of that, but it's cuz gold be more expensive so when people buy gold rings they always buy the skinny and less pure ones and those scratch up easy, but silver, what that ring be made out of, thick like that, be stronger in that way, cuz it might not be expensive like gold shit but it's stronger cuz it's thicker. So kinda take the less expensive, thicker stronger one over that skinnier, more expensive gold one. And cuz it's a damn ring it gots to be thicker, specially if you want that shit to last a long ass time. So, even though probably ain't a white gold ring, it still be durable, maybe harder to scratch up, and just damn sure stronger, you knows, like relationships gotta be."

I blink and hear Lauren say, "When did Cin bear become the romantic one between us?"

I see those blue eyes look up at Lauren, see her exhale with those red cheeks, and start laughing, hugging her. I feel her ear next to my head, feeling Ming and Lauren hugging us again, and hear my sister mumbling about tickling Lauren until she pees this weekend, making us laugh even more.

I exhale and say, "I love you all."

I hear them say they love us all to and hear a voice say, "What you want?"

I feel them all let go, look over my sister's head, and see Riley in his Hustle Gang black t-shirt with the Native American chief logo, dark black jeans, and his timberlands, wondering how he can make the same color, black and black, match so well.

Then I hear a voice say, "What? Ain't nothing gotta do with you. And we ain't at work fool so you wanna start shirt here?"

I inhale, look forward, and see Cairo looking at Riley, in almost the same clothes as Riley but with chucks, feeling my eyebrow rise, wondering if he's always wore chucks.

I hear my sister say, "Cairo, do not be talking shit to ma man. We cool but believe me, you talking shit to him, you talking shit to me. You wanna start shit here cuz I won't stop ma man from taking care of my sister."

I exhale, see him look at me, see him blink, and he says, "Nah Cindy. I ain't talking shit. Just wanna talk to Jazmine."

I feel my eyebrow rise, wondering what the heck is happening. And when did I start saying heck? I shake my head and say, "Okay, well it's nice to see you. Can it wait until class because I don't like how you talked to my brother right now."

I see him inhale with pursed lips and he says, "Just wanna talk to you alone for a minute, out of class and all the shit we do, that's all."

I exhale. What? Alone? Why?

Then I hear a voice say, "There's nothing you need to talk to my girlfriend about alone outside of class or even at the nursing home, not a damn thing."

I inhale, feel that hand, I think Ming, pull me forward in between her and Lauren, and feel her let go. I walk up to that afro, get to him, look up at that beautiful face, and say, "Hey, it's almost time for homeroom."

I look over at Cairo, look up, reminding me he's probably as tall as Huey, and say, "I'll see you in class."

I walk behind him, touching that lower back that he says belongs to me, knowing I need to take care of him and my sister can take care of her Lethal Interjection Crew member, grab his left hand, pull on it, and say, "We have our books already, let's go, please."

I feel him put his fingers through mine, feeling my smile, seeing those girls down the hallway looking at us, and hear him say, "Lauren well drop you off, Ming," and hear Ming say, "Yeah yeah Huey, Riley walking us to homeroom and we walking the other way, ain't nothing change. Go."

I look back at Lauren, see her walk up to me with her smirk, feel her grab my other hand, and pull me, walking towards her homeroom, feeling Huey holding onto my hand, hoping this day goes okay, because it's Monday and it's this week.

And I feel my ring moving around my finger with him playing with it I think, feeling my cheeks getting redder, hoping not only this day, this week, is okay but that my cheeks aren't as red as they feel when we get to class.

* * *

I see that tint, that smile, feeling my smirk, and hear him say, "Damn, he getting to be too fucken much man."

I exhale, trying to focus on her talking to them about how after that last email Ericka, who I never thought of as a problem but more of a nuisance although a strong sister, has been cordial with her and even told that Jazmine head about some ideas she's had. That Jazmine head always making friends, even the sisters that vex me.

But there are others that try to take advantage of that unrealistic optimism, acting like her 'friend', walking her out of her class when they're in the same fucken class. I inhale turning to that table and see that fucken idiot looking over that girl's head, not giving a shit about hiding the fact that whatever unimportant thing she's saying is unimportant.

I exhale and say, "Yeah, but at the very least I'm always around or try to be, and she said until things are taken care of she won't leave her class until I pick her up."

I hear them exhale and hear them say all at the same time, 'Same man', 'Fuck yeah', and 'Only way man.'

I look over at them, see them smirk, and hear their cackling, shaking my head at my idiot trusted brother and friends who are also making sure their girlfriends wait for them in their last period every day like that Jazmine head has been doing, whether for her wellbeing or for me to not worry about her walking out alone. That Jazmine head that pulls me away from killing idiots because she doesn't want me getting in trouble in this institution or possibly, maybe, because she loves me, hearing myself do it, possibly laughing, and hear my brother say, "Damn, so it happen?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at my brother, keeping an eye on those hips in that line talking to her friends, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "You know what I'm saying McHater."

I exhale, look up at those hips, licking my lips, and say, "Yeah."

I hear their cackling, feeling my smirk at their idiotism, and hear Caesar say, "Damn finally became a man."

I see her throw me a kiss, feeling my smirk get bigger, nod, and say, "Yeah."

I hear their cackling possibly get louder, wondering when the headache is going to come, and say, "You know I've never cared about that. It's sex. It's a natural bodily function. It's just sex."

I exhale, trying to not think about it even if it's just sex, seeing that face looking at me, that face I want to see every night in my bed, every morning I wake up, knowing I've also never been normal in that respect, the one of waking up to the same thing, person, over and over, seeing them day in and day out, getting tired of the routine of it, getting tired of the same thing as most teenagers do. I also do not see a point in wanting something new just because, can read the same book several times over, always finding something new in it, always, and knew that was one of the reasons I never wanted to be in a relationship. People, teenagers, adults, human beings, get tired of the same thing, redundancy, familiarity, the same 'old thing', but I never have, not since I became aware of my existence. Those books she read to us, the ones she made so we could learn about less well-known black female heroes. I have yet to throw away any of those books, the ones we brought from Chicago. The posters I have up in my room are the first ones I bought with money I made from those jobs, opening my first bank account with that money, my first savings account, the one I have only withdrawn from for one thing, one item I recently bought, one item I made sure would fit just right so she could take it off if she ever wanted to but won't fall off because it fits that thin finger perfectly, an item I won't get tired of. And, I understand why girls, women, some older than I was, found me cold and robotic, because I don't emote, I still don't. I don't get excited over things other's do. I'm 'boring'. That's what I've been told anyways. When those girls, women, would call and I was doing the same thing, going to the same places, focused on the same topic, my community, the bettering of it, it was 'boring.' They said it was boring and I needed to 'get hobbies.' And then I would look out that window, when my brother I still shared that room, would see her window, see her walking in front of it, or leaning over her desk, writing or reading whatever that Jazmine head wanted to be reading or writing. And I wouldn't get tired of seeing her doing that, sometimes forgetting I was on the phone and hearing myself tell them I would call them back. I would hang up, sit back down, and continue reading or researching, being 'boring,' because at least to her, based on the hours she would sit there with me on that hill or in my room doing whatever Jazmine things she wanted to do while I researched, asking me questions, bad ones and Jazmine ones, only leaving when that disgusting imbecile would come get her, based on all of that, I wasn't boring her to.

I exhale. And I didn't get tired of doing that, watching her from that window, making sure she was there, and then going back to my desk to continue what I was doing. I still haven't. Now I get the added quality of having her on my bed doing her homework or helping with the work or looking up ways she can further help the nursing home. And, I don't get tired of that because I'm not like most teenagers, adults, human beings, maybe because of that family, the things below the surface I choose to not think of, but I'm not like most human beings. I don't get tired of the same 'old thing.' I won't get tired of seeing her doing those things or seeing that face every night, even after she gets tired of me. And I'm fine with that.

I hear him call me, nod, and I say, "Yeah. She was fine, but it was a lot. Gave her ibuprofen after."

I hear them exhale and hear Hiro say, "Yeah, been with two that ain't been with no one, made them take that shit after, but they're still in pain next day."

I exhale, seeing her laughing about how much she liked that cake, that insignificant cake that was worth it, and say, "Did they." I inhale, seeing her shift from one foot to her strong foot, looking strong and relaxed, and say, "Did they cry in the morning?"

I hear them inhale, focus on that smile she didn't have yesterday when she woke up, and hear Hiro say, "Yeah."

I exhale, nod, feeling that guilt because she didn't stop crying for several minutes while I woke her, kissing her, reminding her of how I see her.

I hear my brother say, "When ma girl woke up she couldn't move for a minute, had to force her take more medicine and shit, made her stay there with my ass for while, 'til she could move without seeing that fucken look on her, like if she moved she woulda fucken cried. Took like half an hour of just laying there watching her show and shit, anything to not let her think or move, kept telling her night befor' when we woke up cuz of that shit that happen she had that medicine in her so she ain't feeling shit, but in the morning that medicine ain't working no more so she's gonna wake up feeling it. Then, made her ass rest for a week man. Fuck. Been with females that ain't been with no one, first time was with a female that ain't been with no one for sure, but none that when through that shit. Just woke up and they were cool, some walking funny, but nothing where I woke up to her sounding like she fucken crying man. Fuck."

I exhale, seeing her fidget with that necklace, and say, "I woke up to it, didn't know what to do, woke her up, gave her ibuprofen again, made her stay still and after two episodes of her show she said she was better and could move, then we got up, called Caes and Ming to go over the platforms, sent some emails, and spent the rest of the day relaxing, but it was."

I inhale, seeing her move up in that line, putting that small left hand that doesn't have a ring on it on that hip, that hand that covered her face while she cried because she was in pain and didn't want me to see it, letting me kiss both her hands, her head, telling her I was there and I wasn't going anymore, and she needed to take more pain medicine. Fuck.

I hear Hiro say, "After my first, I thought I ain't never gonna be with a virgin. Too much man."

I exhale, seeing her smile, like she's fine, possibly happy, and hear Hiro say, "It was just too much for her man. Not just it happening, but day after, and when she left cuz her folks were moving back to Arizona. Shit was fucken hard man. She was ma first and I was hers and a fucken month later her folks say Chi-Town too fucken shady for 'em so they're moving back. Man, I mean even if shit woulda ended cuz we were fucken kids, sixth grade, so shit bound to end, but she was still cool, woulda stayed being her homie, but after that shit, feeling like I did when she had to take off, I just knew I ain't being with no virgin after that, shit gets too real. And then, a fucken year later 'nother one comes 'round, says she wants to be cool, just hang out, we start chilling, then shit happens and she starts saying she wants to go there with me. Best fucken part was when she told me she ain't a virgin, said she'd been with someone before, and that's what I wanted cuz that last time was damn too much, and I find out that day, that damn minute that she ain't been with no one, didn't fucken have nothing in her house for the pain, so I got up and went and got her pain medicine. I came back, gave it to her, and asked her why the fuck she lie to me, and she said she ain't lie she just didn't wanna tell me something that ain't my business, all fucken cold to. Fuck that. I told her that's fucked up and she shoulda told me, and I don't wanna know her even as a homie if she's gonna be like that. Was fucked up for a few days, thought 'bout talkin' to her, 'til I found out she telling the school we fucking every day, like I was a fucken trophy to her ass man. Fuck that. Ain't talk to her since, and ain't been with a virgin since. But."

I hear him exhale, see her turn to someone behind her in that line, a girl I think is in one of her classes, asking her about that sweater, seeing that smile on that face, feeling my exhale, and hear Hiro say, "Might, might be cool with it now, but it's up to her. But for reals I ain't give a shit 'bout that long as she don't lie to me and keeps being sweet like she is, she can ask for that shit to."

I see her nod, see her smile get bigger telling her it was a birthday present from her boyfriend's grandad, and hear Caesar say, "Wells, you'll done 'least one thing I ain't done."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look down at him, keeping an eye on those hips swaying back and forth, and say, "Caes?"

I see him look up at me, see him move his shoulders up and down, and he says, "It don't even matter. Just saying only girl I been with I don't think I was her first. I knows she was for me, but I'm damn sure I wasn't hers."

I feel my other eyebrow rise, look over at that table, making sure I know where all these kids are, and see his ex-girlfriend looking over here.

I exhale, look back at Caesar, see him looking down at the newspaper again, and he says, "Mean she bled but that don't mean shit cuz I heard that can happen if they ain't been with someone for a while, but what gets me now is that that first time she knew things 'bout what to do, how to do it, not just the simple shit of how to put on a rubber, but how we gotta be, what position, when I barely knew what the fuck was happening. And back then I just thought she knew that shit cuz she just knew, talked to other girls 'bout that, talked to people that had done it, specially those friends that got her hooked up with her first tats. So, just thought she just knew shit but it ain't mean she actually been with anyone. But, I think now, now that I've been with someone that don't lie to me and I know what she says is the truth even when I don't wanna hear it, like when she says I don't call my mom's enough and I gotta call her more, I know Chantel was lying 'bout being a virgin. She might've not been with someone for a while before me but I'm sure she'd been with others and I don't know, just kinda wish I had that, what you'll got, knowing the first girl you were with, even if you ain't with her no more, you were her first to. Just sounds nice to have that shit."

I exhale longer, look up at her, and see her laughing with her friends, her sister and friends that she takes care of in so many Jazmine ways, friends she trust and friends I trust to take care of her when I'm meditating in the restroom, friends she trust, and say, "The first day you brought her to Aunt Cookie's, she looked at me. I should've told you, regardless of what issues I was having at the time. I was a bad friend."

I hear him exhale, look down at him, see him smirking at me, and he says, "You think, even being my best friend, I woulda believed you when I'd found a girl that I could focus on so I wouldn't think 'bout other shit? You think I wouldn't have told you that you crazy and she ain't look at you, she was just looking at the wall behind you? And you think I don't know for a fact she ain't just look at you, but that day she looked at Riley, and before that my brother? Shit, she was looking at half my friends, probably fucking some of the ones that put those pictures up. And I'm damn sure with how fucken not alright I know I was back then I woulda told you to just mind your damn business instead of hearing you out, so it's probably best you didn't say anything and just let me figure that shit out, and then helping me after that shit, telling my ass to stop being a pussy, be productive and shit, not let her get me down like that, and didn't just stop talking to my ass, laughing behind my back like my other fucken friends, talking 'bout how whipped I had to be to think 'bout taking her back after the shit she did at that party. Instead you told me to focus on the march that was coming up, maybe even helped me stop thinking 'bout moving with my mom's, and then in some kinda weird way helped getting me here where I just happen to meet the only girl that can call me by that name my mom's gave me, and is the reason I'm good with being her first anything and maybe I don't know, maybe, even if it don't make sense, I can let her be that for me to, cuz what happened with my first girlfriend was a lie from start to fucken end, so maybe I can still get that, what you'll got, first girl I'ma be with again be a girl that I know I'ma be her first and she can be mine, something I just realized I couldn't give two flying fucks how pussy whipped that sounds."

Then I hear, "Babe what sounds pussy whipped?"

I feel my smirk hearing their cackles, see those hips in front of me, feeling myself move back just enough, feel that bouncy ass land on my lap, see that face, see her come up, and feel that kiss on my nose. I exhale, seeing those big solid green eyes she nor does anyone have to know I would never get tired of, not any day or night of this life, that shine, feel her moving off of me, and put my arms around that waist.

I hear our friends talking, Caesar possibly telling his girlfriend he'll tell her later about being whipped, seeing that smile turn into that laughing she does, feeling her put her face on my chest, those braids she has in half her hair today under my chin, smelling that afro that's soft and long and natural like her, and hear that fucken voice say for her to get off my lap.

I exhale, feel that kiss on my neck, feel her move over, and grab that leg before it leaves me completely, remembering her saying after we were done that night that she is staying, knowing we also haven't talked about that, what staying means, what that ring means, but feeling that leg stay over my leg, I know for now she doesn't have to know all of that, just that I want that leg to stay where it is, that strong leg I haven't gotten tired of in over six year, like I haven't gotten tired of those homemade books in over fifteen years.

* * *

I look up at her, feeling my eyes getting watery, see her roll her eyes with her blush, and she says, "Yeah, it is real leather cuz my family says we only wear the real shit when it's about Africa and I got one to. My cousin and I got ours when we were thirteen cuz we wanted to have something that was from Africa. Ours are different colors, our favorite colors, but yours gotta be green. Now, I don't know what kinda stone yours is but the store we get these from by my cousin's house says it's a stone from Africa cuz they only get stuff from Africa. So, the brown leather, the green leather, and that green stone inside of the brown leather circle is all from Africa and my cousin said after meeting you, telling her after your sister told me your birthday was coming up and you just didn't wanna say nothing to anyone, and just how you are with everything, with everyone and shit, everyone, that you gotta have one of these bracelets and we could use your birthday as an excuse to get it for you, so whenever you do that work you remember you can be whatever you are, black, white, anything, but you a sister."

I exhale, hug her, and close my eyes. I feel her put her arms around me, holding onto my new bracelet, putting my face in those braids, and say, "I love it Lena. I love it. Please, please, tell Lily I love it, and I'm gonna wear it whenever we do anything big, like the protests, or the rallies or anything, just so I don't wear it out using it all the time, and I'm gonna wear it with the red crochet crop top my sister gave me where she sewed a golden Africa in the middle, and the stone necklace Mimi gave me that's the same color as this stone that she said comes from Africa to, and the cute earrings Laurie gave me with the shape of Africa in those three colors hanging off of them. I love it, I love it, and I'm gonna wear all of it when we do important stuff and I want to bring you all with me even if you're all there, I promise, I promise to wear this bracelet for all of it. Thank you Lena. Oh my god. Thank you."

And I know I'm crying. Again. I hear her laugh, feel her hug me tighter, I think putting her face in my hair that I left down with nothing in it today, just soft like my grandma's pretty yellow afro that her Bobby liked, I think, and hear her say, "I know Jazzy and I love those braids you did today in that half down style. You look good with them even if I know it took you a while to do those thin ones, but they look fucken nice all the way up like that, so try to do this style cuz it shows what you are, just Jazzy."

I exhale, feeling so happy she's my friend, knowing she's right and it took a while because I braided my hair with my sister's help all the way up three whole inches, nod, and say, "I will, promise, but I still hope one day I can do all my hair in braids or at least in my two buns."

I hear her laugh and hear her say, "I hope so Jazzy, but just remember none of that shit matters long as you keep being Jazzy okay?"

I exhale, nod, and hear her say, "And you also gotta remember to be careful okay, specially here at this damn school, where some people ain't getting it."

I inhale, nod, and say, "Is he there?"

I feel her nod, let go of her, see her look at me with pursed lips, and she says, "Yeah, saw him walk out of your class right now. And I mean I'm alright with him and I know it happened a week ago but I'm still not okay with how he made you feel like that. I'm just barely cool with him now. I mean he's just so stupid to say that shit when we all knew you and your friends were trying to not think about that shit."

I exhale, nod, hear the first bell ring, feel my eyes get big, and say, "I'm so sorry I didn't realize it was so late. Go. I love it. And tell Lily my sister and friends wanna hang out with her to so when she can we can all meet up at the mall or something okay?"

I see her smile super big, exhale knowing for sure no matter how many girls have looked at her boyfriend after that game he still doesn't look at any of them, and she says, "I'll do that. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nod, see her turn, walking to her class, and I turn around.

I see him there leaning next to the door again and I look at the door.

I walk up to that door, putting my bracelet back in the bag, hear him say my name, nod, and say, "Hi Cairo."

I walk in and feel him grab my arm.

I exhale and say, "Cairo, don't. Please."

I hear him say, "Jazmine, just give me a minute. I know you're still pissed and I just keep fucking up."

I exhale and say, "Cairo, I told you I'm not mad, there's nothing for," and I hear him cut me off saying, "Don't fucken lie Jazmine."

I inhale, look back at him, see him looking at me like that, like I'm his. I exhale and say, "Don't talk to me like that and let go now."

I hear him curse, feel him let go of my arm, and I turn around, walking into class. I walk up my desk, put my backpack and present on my chair, see his hand going for that note, and I grab it, hearing him say my name.

I crumple up that note, hearing some inhales, I think from the class, remembering he said to drop them on the floor but I don't like littering, specially in class. I look up, see the trashcan, put my hand up, aim, exhale seeing someone pass the trashcan, and flick my wrist.

I grab my backpack and present off my chair, hearing the note go into the trashcan, hearing a few claps in the class, and feel my cheeks getting a little warm from being a little embarrassed students saw that.

I shake my head, sit down, unzip my backpack, and then hear the second bell ring.

I inhale, hoping she made it to her class on time, putting the bag with my awesome new bracelet inside my backpack, thinking about all my presents from my sister and friends, my family, the new pink sweater from Grandad I'm wearing right now, that cute birthday card with a fifty dollar check from my grandma, that gift card from Monique I can use to buy anything online, and exhale, knowing I can handle anything because I have them, even guys that I don't really know how I feel about anymore. Because Cairo is nice, he tries to be I think, but then he says things like he did that night at the pizza place, what I haven't really stopped thinking about when I see him, saying Huey doesn't take care of me when he does, him acting like it was okay for him to say that not apologizing or taking it back all of last week, and then he does things like grabbing my arm right now when he shouldn't have, cursing at me to not lie when I don't lie, and even more important is him almost getting into a fight in the morning with Riley, my almost half-brother that's my sister's boyfriend. I don't even know how I feel about Cairo anymore. Is he even my friend anymore? If he even trying to be my friend anymore?

I exhale and hear her say, "Hello everyone. I'm glad you all made it on time because we're having a pop quiz today."

I hear the loud groans and I inhale, feeling a little nervous, trying to focus on class, taking out my pencil from my backpack, just in case I have to erase stuff.

I hear Ms. Reed continue, "Yes, all you need is a pencil or pen and I'll be passing out the pop quiz sheets. Everyone please get ready and remember to put your cellphones in your bags, zipped up, on the floor."

I take my phone out of my pocket, see that text saying she made it on time and she'll remember to tell Lily how much I loved it. I feel my smile, put my phone in the front pocket of my backpack, zip it up, and put it down next to my feet. I look back at my desk and see him putting those papers on my desk. I take them without looking up at him, take one, pass the rest to the student behind me, and feel my smile seeing the questions. Lena's right, I just have to remember none of that, even if Cairo is or isn't trying to be my friend, matters as long as I keep being Jazzy and answer these questions that are all on the chapter we talked about last week.

* * *

I hear her say, "That was actually a little easy."

I giggle, nod, seeing the new game, wondering if they ever get bored with this tic-tac-toe game, mark it, and pass the paper back to her.

I hear Adah say, "I know. It really helped that half of them were multiple choice but I really liked that she added lines where we could add more stuff to the answer to explain it better."

I nod and hear Johnny say, "Talking about stuff that you want to add. Adah isn't there something you wanted to take care of today?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at Johnny seeing him looking at the paper that him and Adah are using to play their game, and hear Adah say, "Oh yes, thank you."

I look over at her, see her look down, grab her backpack, open it, and take out a bag, feeling my smile, and my face getting so red.

I see her smile at me putting the bag on my desk and she says, "I'm sorry I wanted to give it to you for lunch but I couldn't leave to go find you because we were going over some changes for the club but I still wanted to give this to you before the day ends and only after your birthday that I know was Saturday."

I exhale, knowing my cheeks are so red, hearing some people in other groups whispering, and hear Mackenzie say, "It was your birthday this weekend?"

I exhale, nod, and say, "Yes, it was, and I already got so many awesome presents so please don't get me anything, just keep being my friend okay?"

I look over at Mackenzie, see her nod with her smile, and hear Adah say, "But I still get to give this to you because I got this for you with help from Johnny last week."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see him smirk at me, and he says, "I did help only a little but don't, you know, go through all of it fast, because it's not healthy."

I feel my eyes open, look down at the bag, open it, and look inside of it.

I hear myself squeal I think, hearing them laugh, feeling my eyes get big, and say, "Oh my god! I'm eating half today!"

I hear Johnny groan I think, hearing Adah laughing, and hear Mackenzie say, "What is it Jazzy?"

I inhale and say, "Three big Hershey bars! Two of the giant Hersey kisses! And a bag of tiny Hershey kisses! And they belong to me and Riley can't have any!"

And I hear them laughing but all I see is that big Hershey bar, as I'm sticking my hand in the bag, opening it inside the bag, feeling like such a little kid, breaking off one of the little squares, smelling that chocolate, and putting that little square in my mouth, closing my eyes, tasting that neck, a strong milk chocolate, seeing those pyramids, those stars covering that night sky, and hear someone say my name.

What?

I open my eyes and say, "What?"

I see them start laughing harder, start laughing with them, and say, "Sorry, I went into my happy place."

I hear the exhales and hear Mackenzie say, "I know this is weird but you saying that reminds me that I wrote that down for the question on why churches were important to those African American women because you know they could pray and learn about the bible there and that's probably why it was their happy place, so thank you for saying that last week."

I smile at her, nod, tasting that chocolate, and say, "I'm glad I could help a little Kenzie."

I exhale, knowing I should probably close the bag before I keep eating more because I do get acne when I eat more than a square every other day.

I look back down at the bag, feeling sad I can't eat more, hearing the snickers, grab the bag, close it, and say, "And thanks Adie, Johnny, I love it, and I promise to," and I stop, feeling that hand grab my hand.

I look over at Mackenzie, see her looking at my hand with those chocolate brown eyes that are making me think about the bag I'm holding, see her mouth is kind of open, and she says, "Jazzy did you always have this because I don't remember seeing it on you before?"

I feel my cheeks get so red, look down at that red bag I was just thinking about that has all that awesome chocolate that reminds me of what he taste like, and say, "Um, no, I didn't have it before, I got it this weekend."

I hear her inhale and hear her say, "From like a relative?"

I swallow, feeling her let go of my hand, and hear her say, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't," and I say, "No it's okay Kenzie, you can ask. It's just, I'm still getting used to wearing it. It was a present from Huey."

And I hear that inhale and hear Cairo say, "What is it?"

I exhale, closing the bag, and hear Mackenzie say, "It's really pretty Jazzy and it's super special. I hope I get one someday to."

I look over at her, see her blushing looking at the table, feeling my smile, and say, "It is and thank you. I only know a little about it but can you ask your parents to get you one now, you know, for like your birthday?"

I see her look at me with that blush, that smile, see her shake her head, and she says, "I can but it would take the tradition away from it so I'll just wait to get one, if I do."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Is your family Irish?"

I see her smile get even bigger, making me happy she's not crying, see her nod, and hear a voice say, "Wait, I wanna know what's happening. Tell me, please?"

I look over at Adah, see her big eyes, that lower lip sticking out, that puppy dog look, and start laughing with Mackenzie.

I exhale, nod, and say, "Well I don't know a lot about it, just that it's an Irish tradition, and kind of what the it symbolizes."

I see Adah look at Mackenzie with that puppy dog look, making me laugh again, and hear Mackenzie say, "Okay, well, my family's Irish on my nana's side, English from my papa, and," and I hear a voice say, "Why are all the groups so quiet, especially the ones that haven't turned in their group activity paper and should hopefully be working on it?"

I feel my mouth open, look up, and see students look away from us, looking back down at their papers, wondering if they were being nosey listening to us.

I shake my head hearing the laughing in our group, look back at them, feeling my smile, and hear Mackenzie say, "So, when I was little and asked my nana about it she said there was one that they had in her family for generations that they would pass down and when my nana's grandma passed on my nana's mom, because she loved her mom so much, put it back on her mom so she could keep it on when she got to heaven. So, it was buried with her. And because of that, my nana's mom couldn't give it to my nana anymore, you know, so it could keep going from generation to generation, and that made my nana really sad."

I see her exhale, see her smile at the table, maybe thinking about Mrs. Stewart, how nice she is, and she says, "So, my nana just thought she wouldn't get one and said she was okay with that because she knew it was in heaven with her grandma. And then I asked her why she had the one she wears."

I see her smile get bigger, see her blush, hearing Adah giggle, and Mackenzie continues, "She said when her and my papa."

I see her stop, see her inhale, put my hand over her hand, and see Adah reach over putting her hand on her shoulder. I see Mackenzie exhale looking at the table, see her smile I'm sure thinking about her grandpa, and she says, "When they met, it was kind of an arranged marriage because it was okay to do that back then, and she liked him because he was nice, a boy her age, and she knew she was gonna get married to him one day because her family told her that and she was a good girl that listened to her family and god and she would be happy to do that for them, but she still didn't really know him and felt a little."

I see her stop, see her forehead scrunch, and she says, "She said she felt apprehensive but I think that means she just felt a little weird because she didn't know him. But, she still liked that he was nice and at least her age and how he even said he would wait until she was ready to get married later and then."

I see her smile again, feeling my exhale that she's not crying, I think hearing Adah exhale to, and Mackenzie continues, "And then on one of his visits my papa told my nana that he had talked to her mom and said that even though he wasn't Irish and didn't know all of the traditions her family had he had been raised to honor those traditions, specially because he was from the palace and British royalty wanted to kind of make up for how my nana's family had been treated for a long time, and he also just really liked my nana, wanted to make her happy, so after talking to her mom, finding out that tradition had been stopped because my nana's mom had giving it back to her mom to take to heaven, he got her one, a new one, showed it to her, and told her he found out what it meant, the hands that would mean they would always be friends, the heart that they would always share, and the crown that showed not just how loyal they were gonna be to each other, because the crown means loyalty, but it almost showed that she was royalty to, a princess, even if he was just a duke."

I feel my mouth open, seeing my vision get blurry, and hear a voice, in between sniffles say, "That's so romantic."

I look over at Adah, see her behind the blurriness, grab my handkerchief from my pocket, and hear Mackenzie say, "Jazzy, use that one for you. I have this newly washed one for Adie."

I look over at Mackenzie, see her giving that extra one she somehow still has to Adah, nod, dab my eyes, and then put it over my nose, hearing them laughing, laughing with them.

I exhale, sniffle, and hear Adah say, "So," sniffle, "Your papa gave one to your nana and then what happened?"

I look over at Mackenzie, see her nod at Adah with her smile, and she says, "Well, my nana says they were only fifteen when that happened and she wanted to get to know him, fall in love with him and not just like him, so they dated or I think she called it 'courted' each other, until she wanted to get married, and they did get married when she turned eighteen, and then they were together until."

I see her stop, see her exhale looking down at Adah's desk, squeeze her hand, see her small smile, and she says, "It still hurts a little to say it, that they were together for seventy two years, until last year, and they were so happy, I could see it, how much they loved each other, and why my nana told my dad and mom that she wants to be buried with it, to take it to heaven with her when she's with my papa again, and then."

I see her stop, see her eyebrow rise, see her blush, making me confused, and she says, "And then, right after that, my dad got one for my mom."

I see her look up at me with her smile, those chocolate brown eyes, close my eyes, putting the pretty handkerchief over my eyes, crying, hearing myself tell her how romantic that is and I know she's going to get one to, and I'm going to make sure to take Mrs. Stewart her coffee the way she likes it today because she's so nice and her eyes remind me of my favorite chocolate and I'm eating half a bar on the way to the nursing home.

I hear them laughing, I think other people in class laughing, sniffle, feeling my smile, feel Mackenzie put her hand on my shoulder, and hear her say, "Thanks Jazzy and then you can show my nana your promise ring and she can show you hers."

I exhale, nod, feeling my smile, and hear Cairo say, "What you talking about? Promise what?"

I inhale, not wanting to talk to him the way he's been acting today, and then hear a door slam.

Great.

Black Jesus, please, please, please, let the bell come really, really fast.

I hear the footsteps, other people exhale, and hear that chair move.

Maybe I can go to the front office again. No. Not this week. You can handle this Jazmine.

I bring the handkerchief down, over my nose, and look up at the clock. Five more minutes. Five minutes. I can handle five minutes of Cairo next to me and Michelle in that other group.

I dab my eyes again, put the handkerchief in my pocket, grab my backpack from the floor, start putting my present in it next to my other awesome present so I'm not doing that after the bell rings, and hear him say, "Jazmine?"

I exhale and say, "No Cairo, I don't wanna answer that question."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "You sixteen Jazmine. You ain't promising yourself to no one."

I look over at him, feel my eyes get big, hearing I think our group inhale, and say, "Excuse me? You can't tell me what to do."

I see him inhale, see him look at me like that, like I'm his, his, and he says, "The hell I can't. Shit, this what I'm talking about. You think he takes care of you but he don't. I mean, making you promise yourself to him just cuz he fucked up a few assholes for you, probably telling you no one's gonna do that shit for you. I'm damn sure he even tells you if you don't do that shit, promise whatever the fuck you promising, he ain't gonna be 'round to take care of you, and you fall for that shit, like you be falling for whatever that white guy at the nursing home tells you, damn I thought you were smarter than that."

I blink, hearing someone, I think Johnny, telling Cairo to stop, hearing I think someone laughing, maybe Michelle, I don't know, confused, exhale, and say, "Hold on. You just told me I can't do something when even my closest friends don't tell me I can't do something, ever, that my boyfriend makes me do anything by threatening that if I don't he'll stop being my friend and taking care of me like he's done since I met him, that I fall for things guys say even though you walked into that conversation when he was apologizing and I know he was being honest because I felt it and that's why I accepted his apology, and then you told me all of that makes me not smart, that I'm dumb, oh and all of that after you first said you should be able to tell me what I can or can't do. Wow."

I see him exhale, see his eyebrows lower, and he says, "Didn't mean to say you're dumb, you ain't dumb, just don't see shit, like how you promising anything is him just about trying to lock you down, then get bored with your ass and drop you when he don't want you no more, and those other patient ones, the ones that been waiting for you ain't around no more."

I exhale, thinking about him, how cute he is, how hot he is, really hot, how many girls look at him here at school, when we're out walking to our hill, at different places, the girls that have a crush on him in Chicago, the ones that said they would wait for him to marry them when he wants to, they would wait for him, even if it was mostly for the money that family has, they would wait for him, probably because he's also that hot, that good looking, beautiful, blink, and hear someone say my nickname.

I look over at Adah, see her smiling at me, feel my smile coming back, and she says, "How long have you liked milk chocolate?"

I feel my forehead scrunch, feel that hand grab my hand, look over at Mackenzie, see her smile at me, and she says, "Adie asked how long you've liked milk chocolate Jazzy."

I exhale, feel my lips purse, look down at the table, remembering, knowing Black Jesus is watching and maybe he wants me to think about this, and say, "I think since the first time, when I was six I think and my mom brought home a Hershey bar and let me have a tiny piece."

I look back up at Adah, see her smile get bigger, and she says, "So you've liked it for ten years and still argue with Riley about who gets the last piece."

I feel my smile get bigger, nod, and feel my eyes open. I still like it after ten years. I don't like it. I love it. I still love it after ten years. So much I might only let Riley have one bar because he's still my half-brother but they're mine. I still love milk chocolate after ten years and he taste like milk chocolate. So maybe, hopefully, he feels like that about me, and will still feel like that about me for a long time, no matter how many girls look, how beautiful he is.

I exhale and say, "Thank you."

I see her look over at Johnny, see her smile at him, lean over, kiss him on his cheek, hearing dumb girls say how cute he is, and hear Adah tell him, "See, she's okay."

I feel that head on my shoulder, look over at Mackenzie, remembering how much she talked today and didn't cry, and whisper to her, "Before I forget, thank you. Thank you for telling us so much about your nana and papa. They're really special."

I hear her exhale, feel her nod, and hear her say, "Thanks Jazzy and you welcome and maybe this weekend I can go to the mall with you and your friends after church, if that's okay with you."

I feel my smile and say, "Of course it is."

Then I hear the bell ring, hear the exhales in our group feeling that head leave my shoulder, look down, zip up my backpack, and put it over my shoulder. I get up, hearing him, turn my desk forward, and say, "Bye everyone. I'll text."

I turn around, walk to the back, hearing Cairo say my name again, and see everyone still moving their desks. I get to the backdoor and push it open.

I step out, look to my left, and see him leaning there, feeling my smile. I see him look up at me from his phone, see that cute surprised face, walk up to him, lean up, and kiss him.

I feel those soft lips kiss me back and feel him put his arms around my waist, feeling his phone press down on my lower back. I exhale, knowing we don't want to be late, move back, see those eyes open, and say, "Let's go."

I see that forehead scrunch, see him exhale, and he says, "What happened?"

I exhale, feeling my eyes getting watery, and say, "I figured out I really like milk chocolate, I have for ten years, and I hope you like me for that long to, no matter how beautiful you are and how many girls look at you. Now, let's go because Mo, all the residents, Mr. Willis, Frank, and Riley, when he gets there later, are all waiting for us okay?"

I see him exhale longer, see him nod, and he says, "I know you do, no matter how unhealthy it is to eat an overabundance of it, I will feel like that for longer than that, couldn't care less who looks at me if it doesn't fit into my goals, and they are waiting."

I feel that squeeze on my back, feeling the redness on my cheeks coming back, see that cute smirk, and feel those hands move away. I feel him grab my hand, turn with him, and follow him as he's pulling me down the hallway.

And seeing that afro swaying back and forth I feel my smile, knowing he just said that, that he will feel like that about me, like me, for maybe longer than I've liked milk chocolate, and he doesn't care that girls look at him because he's Huey Freeman and his goals are what matters, and it's Huey and he doesn't lie.

* * *

I hear him say, "Son can you be here early on Wednesday so Franky can meet with that company that wants to paint the hangar?"

I look up from the computer and say, "I was planning on taking that day off Mr. Willis."

I see him exhale, see him nod with his smile, and he says, "Don't worry about it son. You take that day off, I know you're here every day, sometimes when you and Jazzy aren't supposed to be helping here. So you take that day off son. Franky worries too much, saying I shouldn't be anywhere alone. That boy. I told him if he leaves at three like he's supposed to so he can meet with that company and Monica closes their office at five like she's supposed to I'll be here alone for only two hours and I won't do nothing, I'll just sit here and go through some of those folders for those companies that don't donate anymore, see if we can take some of them to the storage so they aren't taking up so much darn space in this office. And I won't pick up any boxes, and it's only two hours, been alone after Franky and Monica left for years, then you came and started helping, and now I got all of you here helping again, so I'll be fine. Told your brother he worries too much about me, I'm old, but darn it not that old."

I see him inhale, close his eyes, knowing he's better at times, doesn't call me by any name just refers to me as 'son', but he just caught himself saying Frank is my brother, and say, "With all due respect."

I see him open his eyes, see him exhale, and I continue, "You shouldn't be alone, especially here, before Monica or the night team arrives, where I know you are going to move a box or two because you won't remember you shouldn't be moving them, and in that way you always refer to me I'm surprised you would think I would let you be here by yourself on a day I'm normally scheduled to work, a day I didn't know Frank wouldn't be here, and I can take that day off another day. So, I'll be here as soon as school ends that day, no later than three forty."

I see him smile, see him nod, and he says, "That's fine my boy. I promise to not move anything 'til you get here but didn't you have some plans that day, probably with Jazzy?"

I exhale and say, "There were plans but we can move those up by a day if it has to do with making sure you're not alone, but I will be here possibly no later than four because I'll have to take her home from school since she also asked for the day off from her volunteer service." I exhale, knowing she could go home with her sister when Leo picks her up with Caesar and Hiro, while my brother will be staying at school until he chooses to get on the bus to get to work at five, but I want to take her home, to make sure she's safe, and because that's time we usually spend together, hearing her talk on the way here. Damn it.

I see him smirk, feeling my eyebrow rise, and he says, "Then why don't you bring her here son? I'd love to see her at least every few days, probably would to if she wasn't helping at that old nursing home, but I know they need her there, only reason she isn't working here, so you bring her that day, darn it boy you can bring her every day knowing I get to see my boy smile when she's around."

I feel my mouth open, see him start laughing, exhale, trying to not roll my eyes, and say, "I'll ask her Mr. Willis, but if not I'll be here no later than four."

I see him nod, smiling, and feel my smirk, looking down at the laptop where I can see the schedule for the employees. Fuck.

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "I know you worry about that Howie but, look at me son."

I look up, see him looking at me, see him nod, and he says, "You remember what your mother would say, a union made in the eyes of god is as good as gold and not a darn thing can break that, not anyone outside that union, and we just have to trust that god watches over that union like he does watching over this place, and all we have to do is keep people close, the ones we talked about, the ones that are good for our soul, and things will work out just fine. Do you understand that son?"

I exhale, knowing although we are not related by blood this old man sees me as his son on some level, possibly because some of those characteristics I have remind him of his dead son, a dead son he only had until he died basically as a teenager at eighteen years old in a faraway country where from what I know only body parts were retrieved, enough to identify him, and possibly enough to make this man go into a state where he's never, will never, truly let go of that dead teenage son, because he didn't see a complete dead body, just body parts, whereas Grandad did see a complete body, two, that came out of that car crash that he and Aunt Cookie had to identify because by then my mother had giving all legal claim to her identity to my father, Grandad, and Aunt Cookie. So, Grandad and Aunt Cookie had that separation from my father and mother, they saw those dead bodies, were able to understand the end of it, and do not use Riley or myself to keep them alive but rather they treat us like their grandkids, separate from my father and mother, grandkids they can scold or beat for dumbass things like my brother says. But this man did not get that, that separation, that finality of knowing that person is dead, is not coming back from that faraway country one day, and from what Frank has said, even secluded himself in his home, his work, to not think about that dead son, one of the reasons Frank and Monica left after they were hired out in Texas, because this old man didn't want to see them either, possibly because of the reminder that they were. I exhale, remembering Frank said it was only this last year that Mr. Willis started calling Frank back more consistently, where he used to only call him on a yearly basis when Frank and Monica were making plans to visit. And Frank said this right before he thanked me for starting to work here, not just for doing the simple things they ask me to do, but because he feels, as unthinkable as it is, that me being here contributed to Mr. Willis calling him more. And he calls me that name when he doesn't call me 'son'. And she said it's a good name because it was given to good people before me, but she likes my name more.

I inhale and say, "I understand. I'm done with the employee and donation schedule, I still have to go through the bills for the week, Riley should be back from his break, Cairo should also still be here, they can help you move anything you need to be moved, and I want to go see her for my break."

I see him smile, see him nod, and he says, "Go son. I'm going to get up to stretch and walk some around this old office and you tell Riley to come here so he can help me put some of those old folders in a box that I'll have him put in the front so your brother can take it to storage tomorrow."

I nod, close the laptop, get up, and walk over to the coat hanger. I grab my jacket, put it on, and hear him say, "You tell your sweet girl when you see her right now about coming this week Howie and don't be thinking I'm gonna forget."

I nod and say, "I will and I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

I hear him say, "Twenty minutes my boy."

I feel my smirk, nod, and say, "Yes Mr. Willis."

I walk out, planning those next twenty minutes she won't be expecting, and inhale, knowing we'll also have to talk about moving things up by a day, but that can be discussed later, even though I'm sure that Jazmine head won't mind moving things up a day. That Jazmine head that worries about my wellbeing when there's no reason to, that Jazmine head I have to protect from that fucken imbecile standing there.

Fuck. I exhale, walking to the kitchen, hearing him say something idiotic to my brother, and say, "Riley."

I see that fucken idiot look back at me, pass him, look inside the kitchen, and see my brother sitting in that chair, possibly trying to not crumble that plastic cup. I feel my face drop and say, "Are you done with the restroom you were supposed to clean?"

I see his eyebrow rise, see him nod, and he says, "Finished it befor' left for my break. Still gotta clean the hangar, should probably mop the hallways cuz no one's done that for a long minute."

I feel my smirk and say, "I know but Mr. Willis wants you to help him in the office so do that instead and after I'm back you can finish in the hangar, unless you want to leave as soon as you're done helping him."

I hear that idiot say, "Why the fuck can't I help doing office shit?"

I look over at him, hear my brother call my name, exhale, seeing that fucken look I'm going to beat one day, again, and say, "Because, although it is none of your damn business, Mr. Willis didn't ask for you when I told him you were both here. He asked for Riley and I'm only letting him help in the office knowing he finished cleaning the restroom he was supposed to clean. Have you cleaned the one I assigned to you?"

I exhale, trying to calm down, see him inhale, and he says, "What that gotta do with shit? I'ma do it before I leave."

I inhale, feel that hand on my shoulder, and say, "Riley, I'm fine. I'm not going to do anything stupid where I'm being trusted to supervise. Please, go check on Mr. Willis, make sure he doesn't lift any boxes, any of them."

I hear him exhale, feel that hand leave my shoulder, and hear his footsteps walking around me, and down the hallway.

I see that fucken smirk and he says, "I know you can't do shit here, specially cuz I work here, so I can kinda do whatever the fuck I want, long as I finish some of the work you'll have me do, and since that fool's back, I'ma take my break."

I exhale, trying to bring down my temperature, knowing the fucken employee handbook from start to finish, and say, "Fine. Go."

I crack my neck, turn back to the kitchen, walk in, knowing I have to calm down, and I can't leave until he comes back, which will be too close to the time I'll be leaving for the night, meaning I will not be taking that break. Fuck.

I exhale, grab that cup on the table that my brother was holding, knowing it's dry and he must've not gotten to drink anything before this fucken idiot came looking for him, and hear him say, "What you force her to promise you, you fake ass nigga?"

I inhale, pouring the water into the cup, and say, "I have no fucken clue what you're saying and I don't want to know. Your fifteen minutes started five seconds ago."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Your ass gave her some corny ass ring and forced her to promise some shit to you. The fuck she promise?"

I inhale, take that drink, remembering that ring, that promise ring, a ring when used on her other hand, on her ring finger, means her being engaged, a ring that can be moved from finger to finger, hand to hand, if that's what the wearer wants.

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Answer me, the fuck is that promise? Cuz it ain't fair for her ass to be promised to no one, specially your ass with that shitty family you got, so cut that shit, that promise, and stop whatever else your ass telling her to keep her when it ain't fair that she ain't been with no one else, someone that ain't got that shit you're gonna deal with later, fucken covering it up with that bullshit work you'll do, like that shit gonna clean up the fucked up things that family does. Ain't nothing gonna clean what that family does and you come from that shit, and now you forcing her to promise anything to your ass. So cut that shit and let her go. You had her long 'nough."

I exhale and say, "You don't have to know a damn thing about anything that happens between us or anything she ever promises to anyone, especially when you talk about her like she's a fucken object to be handed from person to person, that there's enough that you can have of her, and then when you've had enough, used her enough, something you wouldn't fucken know is not possible you piece of worthless shit, you just hand her over to next fucken idiot that wants her because of what she looks like, not knowing a damn thing about her. And you're down to twelve and a half minutes on your break."

I hear him inhale, turn around, feel my eyebrow rise seeing him take a step into the kitchen, and he says, "You think I don't know her? You think I don't listen when she talks? I know her nigga. Her favorite color's pink, dark pink on Mondays, but she likes wearing yellow a lot to, she likes those books that have all the hard words in them cuz she likes looking that shit up, those words, that's why she talks better than most those girls at that school, ain't just the school, it's her, her reading, her looking up shit, and talking about kids, she likes talking about them, how you gotta read to them and play with them cuz it makes them smarter and just fucken happier, cuz she likes seeing people happy, more than she likes being happy, she just likes seeing people be happy, even when she's crying 'bout shit, like other people she ain't related to being dead, she's still putting her hand on that girl, trying to make her feel better, not thinking about how she's fucken crying with those fucken eyes when she cries, not thinking about herself, just thinking about other people, how to help them, and I know that's the reason she helps with that bullshit work, cuz it's a way for her to help kids right now when she only sixteen, she can help right now, and that's why she helps your ass with that bullshit, but she ain't there to be with you, she just don't see it, she's just there to help, and probably thinks if she ain't with you, you won't let her ass help no more, and she'll feel all fucked up 'bout that, but you can let her go. Just let her go, let her be with other people, someone she ain't known forever cuz that ain't right, sounds like you fucken twisted her 'round since you met her so she thinks she can only be with you, but if you ain't like that family, making people do dirty ass work for them, twisting them 'round 'til they don't know who the fuck they are, if you really ain't like them, let her go, let her help with that bullshit work but let her go."

I exhale, remembering those fucken cases, those cases of people that came forth to say how they had been tortured, didn't know who they were anymore, because of that family, and hear that voice say, "Is that what you think?"

I inhale, look over that fucken idiot, and see those braids and those eyes. Shit.

I see her looking at him, see that mouth open, see her exhale, and hear that fucken idiot say, "Yeah."

I see her blink, see her look up at me, see her smile, feeling my exhale, and she says, "Mr. Ramirez came to see Mo and I asked him if he could drop me off so I didn't walk here in the dark, and I wanted to see you and say hi to Mr. Willis. I'm gonna go see him, ask him those questions Monica told me to ask him whenever I see him, and then it'll be nice if you take me back to the nursing home."

I exhale possibly longer, see that smile that belongs to me, and see her turn.

I see that fucken idiot take that step up, feel myself move up, and hear her say, "Cairo, if you touch me, I promise, I promise, and do not think I'm bluffing, please don't, I will never, ever talk to you again, ever, specially because you just proved to me we're not even friends when you just assumed things about me without asking me."

I hear him say her name and I exhale, trying to relax, and hear her say, "And now that I know you were talking about me, I'll just say that my favorite color isn't pink, I just like wearing it."

I see her take that step, see those braids and soft afro disappear, hearing her steps going down the hallway, feeling my smirk, knowing she'll be in that room, and turn to the sink.

I turn the faucet, start washing the cup, and hear him say, "You really fucken twisted her didn't you, where she can't trust no one but you and whoever you tell her is saying the truth and wants to take care of her."

I exhale, finish washing the cup, dry it, and put the cloth back up to dry.

I walk around him, put the cup back up on top of the fridge, take that step, and say, "The fact that she just said that and you didn't listen to her again you fucken idiot makes me think you're either delusional, crazy, or just fucken obsessed with something you're never going to have because you think the moment she's free from me she'll be going to you, almost like she fucken belongs to you already, when I know she doesn't belong to anyone unless she says she does, specifically to someone like me, someone with that family, which means I have no say when or if that promise, a promise you know nothing about, is ever broken. But, since you probably can't understand any of what I just said, I'll say it simple words, you know nothing about her, she stays or leaves until she wants to, and the fact that I'll always be connected to that family in some way is one of the reasons I know I'll never deserve her and will just have to keep trying, and your break is down to seven minutes. Use those seven minutes wisely and do not come into the fucken office unless you want Mr. Willis to ask you if you've cleaned that restroom."

I hear him say something pointless, again, take that step out of the kitchen, turn down the hallway, hearing that laugh from here, feeling my smirk, and know these next ten minutes could be just as well seeing her ask Mr. Willis those questions that will help that old man stay aware enough to continue calling me any names he wants. That old man that said he wants to have her here on Wednesday.

But, I'm still kissing those lips for at least one entire minute before I drop her off at the nursing home in ten minutes.

* * *

I see him smile and he says, "Well you know you can always come and stay here long as you want sweetheart, ask me any questions, but there were so many things to do 'round here back then. Let me see."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Take your time Mr. Willis because today I'm staying until you kick me out and I wanna know anything and everything."

I look back at the drawer, hearing him laugh, feeling my smile hearing that laugh, and see the name of that company on that folder. I pull that folder out and hear him say, "Well if you're asking 'bout summertime, then I remember we'd go out to Aunt Angeline's house down by the water, she lived out there, could see the whole ocean from there, and oh did my Florence love when we'd go out there, said she could see pass the ocean from that little house..."

I inhale, bringing the folder out, feeling happy, hearing him talk like Grandad does when I get to ask him questions, trying to remember it all, and then hear him stop.

I look over at him, see him doing that, hearing the typing in the room again because he's being quiet, and say, "Mr. Willis?"

I see him exhale, see him turn to me with those brown eyes Frank has, that glazed look, and he says, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I just can't remember anymore. I'm where," and I see him inhale.

I put down what I'm holding, walk up to him, kneel, looking at those eyes, and say, "Hi Mr. Willis."

I see him blink, see him smile, and he says, "Jazzy. Why sweetheart you're all grown up aren't you? Have you been here this whole time and didn't come see me?"

I exhale and say, "No Mr. Willis I was here but I was helping in the storage room and you probably didn't see me until now when I came in here to help cleaning up the drawer, but right now you were talking about you and Mrs. Willis going to Aunt Angeline's house to go to the beach for summer and I wanna know more about Aunt Angeline."

I see that smile, see him exhale, trying to not cry because I want to so much because too many people in my life that I love are getting older, and he says, "Oh Aunt Angeline, she could make a mean chicken soup, would to, asked my Florence to always take her a big ol' hen to cook up for her and she would and then we'd take her out to…"

And I exhale, feeling my smile, get up, and go back to the drawer. I grab that folder, put it in the banker's box on the floor, listening to Mr. Willis talking about going to beach with his wife during the summer to visit their aunt, knowing everything's okay right now and I'm not going to cry in front of him.

I hear him say, "Oh and Howie, he'd make Aunt Angeline so," and I hear him stop, look over at him, see him exhale looking at the wall again, and say, "Mr. Willis?"

I see him inhale, see him smile, and he says, "He'd make her so happy, same with my Florence, talking to them 'bout all those things he wanted to do when he didn't have to go to school no more, would go out to see the world he'd say, and he did, my boy did go see the world."

I exhale, see that small smile on him, see him inhale looking at the wall, and I say, "He sounds like he was a really good boy."

I see his smile get bigger, see him look over at me, and I inhale, seeing those watery eyes.

I walk up to him, take out the handkerchief from my pocket, wiping those tears away from such a nice old man, feeling my eyes getting watery, and he says, "I know he's gone Jazzy, I do, been gone for a long time my boy, but sometimes I forget, sometimes I forget time's passed, that he's not here no more, my Florence isn't here no more, and just wonder, sit there and wonder, if I might've gone crazy."

I feel my small smile, sniffle, and say, "No Mr. Willis, don't ever think that, you're not crazy, you're a really nice man that reminds me of grandads that I didn't get to have and grandads I did get to have, grandads I get to annoy with all my questions, make them laugh when I tell them how I wanna get a car one day that's all pink inside, just like when Tam Tam and TT make you laugh with all their smart questions about why there can't be another bed on top of the top bunkbed and you tell them it's because then those little nombs in the front yard can't," and he finishes, "get up that high."

I smile, see him smile, feeling that soft thumb going over my cheek, and I say, "And remember Mr. Willis you're one of the smartest, not crazy at all men because of everything you do for all the people here, even for us that don't sleep here, sitting here talking about the things that used to be in this city, like that ice cream shop that put real alcohol in their ice cream and how your son told you it tasted funny when you bought it for him and made that funny face. And my grandma says that's what we need to think about, those good things, so they don't leave us, and I wanna know more about that ice cream shop and that day you took your sons there but first I really want you to finish telling me about the beach by Aunt Angeline's house and how they would play there and bring in all that sand from the beach into the house."

I see that really big smile and feel that tear going down my cheek. I feel that soft thumb going over my cheek again and he says, "Your grandma's sure right sweetheart so," and I hear that beep coming from his pocket, and hear that voice say, "Mr. Willis."

I look up, see those eyes, that look, feeling my smile, seeing him holding those two pills in his hand and that cup of water I saw him go get a little while ago, probably to make sure it was here for Mr. Willis when he needed to take his medication for the diabetes we just found out he has.

I stand up, hearing Mr. Willis taking a drink of water, and walk back to the drawer. I look down at that list again and hear Mr. Willis say, "Thank you Howie. Now you make sure you listen to what I said last time about trusting god watches over a union right son?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, looking at that list of companies that start with 'G', companies that closed last year and don't donate to the shelter anymore, and look back at them.

I see Huey standing there holding that cup of water, see him exhale, and he says, "I do, but please make sure to take your medication on time every day Mr. Willis."

I feel my mouth. Did Huey just say he trust god to do anything?

And seeing Mr. Willis nod, taking that cup from Huey's hand again, I see those dark burgundies look at me, and for some weird reason feel my cheeks getting warm. I shake my head, look back at the list, hearing Mr. Willis take that drink, and then hear him say, "So those boys, you couldn't imagine, as funny as it was, how much sand they'd bring into Aunt Angeline's house, oh those boys, specially this boy here with all that hair and how much sand would be in it, how their mother would laugh, and…"

And I sniffle, laughing, hearing him talking about Frank and Howie when they were little, how cute they probably were, knowing Mr. Willis will probably always call Huey 'Howie', even when he remembers Howie died a long time ago, probably because he just wants to call Huey that name, maybe to think about Howie, and that makes me so happy, hearing him laughing.

Then I hear a voice say, "And this summer we'll make sure to bring all that sand into the hotel."

I feel my smile, look over at her, and exhale seeing that long hair in that side bun in that style that looks almost like a Dutch braid in a fishtail low bun, her blue blazer, white silky undershirt, and matching blue slacks with those cute darker blue pointy heels. Reminds me of an outfit my mom wears when she's not going to court. So pretty.

And I hear Mr. Willis say, "I love my boys but I still don't know how god blessed me with having such a smart and beautiful daughter."

I see Monica smirk at Mr. Willis and she says, "Dad, you're not getting out of your check-up this weekend no matter how much you try to smother me up."

I start laughing, closing my eyes, hearing Mr. Willis laughing, and hear another voice say, "But dad is right honey."

I open my eyes and see Frank hugging Monica from behind. I see him kiss her cheek, see her smile, kiss him on his chin, and exhale at how in love they look after all that time, meeting in high school I think, going to college together, having really awesome careers helping so many people that I think they both have awards they don't talk about, then having two little kids running around their house, moving I think a few times, doing so much, everything that's happened with Mr. Willis, and before all of that losing someone really close, someone they both really loved, and still, they look so happy.

I exhale and turn back to the drawer, hearing them all talking about the meeting Frank went to, cases Monica worked on today, how Frank finished later than he wanted at that meeting but still wanted to stop by the shelter to tell Huey the meeting went well before he went to pick up Tamera and Tia from the after-school program. And I feel my smile, hearing them talking, hearing them all together, feeling like it feels like on Fridays with my mom and sister, when it's just us three, watching a movie or cooking together, how warm it feels, and I feel someone looking at me. I look up from the list, turn to that feeling, and see those burgundies again. I feel my mouth open, seeing him still looking at me like that. I exhale, feeling my cheeks getting warm again, knowing we're in front of people, at his job, and turn back to the drawer, trying to focus on the list.

Then I hear Frank say, "Huey, Jazzy, we're taking my father home. Thank you for taking care of him."

I feel my smirk, look over at him, seeing him hugging Monica, not letting go of her, like he missed her after not seeing her all day, thinking about my mom and Leo for some weird reason, and say, "Well, all we did was let him tell us really cool stories that are making me wanna go to the beach this summer."

And I hear that groan and start laughing, hearing everyone but Huey laughing, and hear Mr. Willis say, "My boys always complained on the drive but soon as we got out of the car couldn't keep them out of that water, like fish those boys were, bringing in all that sand in the house when their mother could get them in the house, watching their poor mother and Aunt Angeline sweeping all that sand out of that living room, with my boys chasing that poor cat, scared of them knowing all they wanted to do was get her all wet."

And I can't help and start laughing more, hearing the laughing, and see Monica walk up to Mr. Willis, grab his cane that's leaning on the desk, put it in front of him, and she says, "Well let's go dad because you need to rest and remember we're only letting you walk by yourself in here, outside I'm holding on to you."

I exhale, remembering how Grandad doesn't use his cane anymore because he says his walking is getting better since Ms. Lola makes him walk so much now, and feel my heart break seeing Mr. Willis look up at Monica with that puppy dog look, and he says, "But I want my daughter to help me all the way to the car."

Oh my god. I'm going to die of how cute this is, seeing Monica hug him, and kiss him on his head, putting her hand out so he can grab it.

I see Mr. Willis get up leaning on his cane with his arm hooked to Monica's arm, hear that light sound of his cane on the floor, seeing him walking to the door, and see him turn back to me.

I feel my smile, see him inhale with his smile, and he says, "I wanna see you when you come again sweetheart, on any day off you have or the weekend, whenever you can, because I know you're busy at that nursing home after school and that's why you can't work here even if it would only help this place if you did, but I still want you here as much as you want so I can keep seeing my boy smile."

I exhale, feeling my eyes getting watery again, not knowing if he does really smile that much now but knowing I want to keep helping him smile more no matter what, and say, "Yes Mr. Willis."

I see him turn to Huey and hear him say, "Remember what we talked about son and I'll be here all day tomorrow with your brother so don't be worrying about me like you always do."

I exhale and hear Huey say, "I will remember and will try somewhat to not worry."

I hear Mr. Willis laugh, feeling myself sniffle, see him walk out of the office with his cane, and hear him start walking down the hallway, hearing Monica and Frank talking about Tamera and Tia and how much they want to go to the beach this summer.

I exhale, wiping the tears I just felt on my cheeks with that pretty handkerchief, knowing they're trusting us, Huey, Riley, everyone, to take care of this place, turn back to the drawer, putting the handkerchief back in my pocket, see that list, and hear those steps.

I inhale, feeling those hands, those arms going around my waist, that face going into my hair, and hear that monotone voice say, "You know, he's right, you could work here."

I exhale, feeling my cheeks getting red again, thinking about the nursing home where I should be right now but I took the day off, how he's going to get tired of me spending so much time together, specially today that we went to school, spend lunch together, drove here, and I've been here with him over an hour, helping where they'll let me, talking to Mr. Willis, having fun, and say, "But if I work here Mo will have to ask for another volunteer from our school, we don't know if they'll be nice to the residents, making sure to remember how they like their coffee and tea, who visits them on what days, will remind Mo she needs to take a break, and then you and me already drive to school together, are together every weekend, every day really, so maybe it's good that we do something separate for a few hours, not just having different classes at school and not sleeping with each other weeknights, so you don't get tired of me."

And I inhale feeling those arms hug me a little too tight and hear him do that again, whisper into my ear, "That Jazmine head must be crazy thinking I'll ever get tired of you."

I exhale, putting my hands on those forearms, feeling those muscles, feeling happy for so many reasons, and say, "Good, because I asked for another day off and I'm still going with you tomorrow okay?"

I feel those arms let go of me, see them come around again, over my arms, over my chest, and press down on my chest, hugging me. I feel him move my hair away from my neck, feel that bite on my neck, inhale, feeling myself squirm a little, and close my eyes, feeling those kisses there.

I let my head fall back onto that shoulder, hearing, feeling those kisses, and feel that vibration on my neck hearing him say, "Yes."

I feel my smile and say, "I love," and hear someone say, "You done?"

I inhale, feeling those arms starting to get too warm, and say, "It's okay bestie, later."

I feel that kiss on my neck, feel those arms let go of me, and hear him say, "Hardly. What do you need?"

I exhale, roll my eyes at him being so Huey, look back at that list, taking out that next folder, and hear Cairo say, "Told me to come see you 'bout what I gotta do tonight. Some'ng 'bout not leaving early and shit."

I kneel, putting the folder into the box, hear that exhale, and hear that monotone voice say, "Even if they said that on their way out you know you don't need to see me about what you need to do, it's on the list in the kitchen so everyone, including you, knows what they're supposed to do, there's no confusion about it, and if it doesn't get done I don't have to bother writing up anyone and Mr. Willis and Frank can just administer the disciplinary action, which I couldn't care less about nor do I have a say in. So go see the list, see what you need to do, and if you need me then, let me know, not before."

I grab the next folder. I didn't know this company closed. I remember their name being on trucks outside of the shelter when they were dropping off food. Hopefully Frank and Monica can get more companies to donate. I kneel, put the folder in the banker's box, and hear that voice say, "Is there a reason you're still standing there?"

I stand up, see the next company on the list, start going down the names on the folders in the drawer, and hear Cairo say, "Just need a minute to explain shit to her."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at them, see that tall boy, not letting me see pass him, and see those shoulders move up with his inhale. I put my hand on that back, moving my hand back and forth, and hear him say, "You don't need a minute with her, you don't need a damn second, leave before I do something I won't regret but might lead to my brother getting a promotion to supervise this place."

I inhale and say, "Huey, no."

I see those shoulders coming down, exhale, and hear Cairo say, "What I thought. Jazmine, just want a," and I say, "No Cairo, no."

I hear that inhale, step around that torso, see him standing there under the doorframe, still in that sweater I saw him in when he got here, not knowing if he's even started cleaning since he hasn't taken it off.

I exhale and say, "Have you done anything since you got here?"

I see his eyebrow rise and he says, "What you mean?"

I exhale and say, "Like cleaning anything? I mean Huey and I," and I see him inhale, and I continue, "Huey and I got here, have been here cleaning, filing, organizing, and," and he cuts me off saying, "Cleaning what? He ain't do shit and you just here filing."

I hear that inhale, put my hand on his arm, seeing Cairo's eyebrows lower, and I say, "You know what, I'm done Cairo, I'm done thinking you're even trying to be my friend, when you talk to me like you do, treat me like that, and now you're saying that I'm just here filing, when the reason the storage room is reorganized is because I moved those boxes."

I close my eyes, exhale, hearing him inhale, and hear him say, "You didn't move 'em."

Oh Black Jesus.

I inhale and say, "You know what, I really am done."

I open my eyes, feel my eyebrow rise seeing him take a step into the office, feeling those muscles I'm holding move, and say, "Stop."

I see him stop, see him exhale, and he says, "Look Jazmine, I know, I know I keep fucking up but it's just cuz you don't see it, what he's doing to you, getting you all twisted like that, making you think ain't no one else that they'll take care of you but," and I inhale and say, "Cairo, you don't know anything about me!"

I see him inhale and he says, "Nah Jazmine, you just don't see it."

Okay, he's crazy.

I exhale and say, "You know, I gave you a chance to be nice to me, I did, not just because of you telling us about what they were gonna do that day at lunch and the times you defended me and my friends, which I totally appreciated, but because I could see you were a nice guy, maybe deep down inside, you were just lost for a long time and you just needed an opportunity, but believe me, you don't talk to me like that, grab me, and," and I feel that inhale in my hand, squeeze that arm, seeing Cairo inhale, and I continue, "And then come saying you want a minute to explain anything, right before you told me how I couldn't move fifty pound boxes when I lift those kinds of things all the time at the nursing home but you wouldn't believe that because to you I'm just dumb, don't see things, just a girl that needs to be taken care of, when I don't need to be taken care of, I want to be taken care of in the way my friends and my boyfriend take care of me, because I take care of them, like I was trying to take care of you, but I'm done, I'm done letting you make me cry, making me feel like my boyfriend's gonna get tired of me, that I'm just dumb and I'm just here to file. I'm just done with you. Don't talk to me in school, in class even if we're ever, ever in group together, don't walk out with me ever, even if you know anyone's there looking for me or leaving notes on my desk, I can take care of them, don't help me, just don't because you're mean, you're just a mean guy, and I don't want people like that in my life, I don't, he's gone, he is, and I don't want people like that in my life, so don't talk to me anymore, ever, because I just realized all of that, how mean you really are, and how I'm gonna put my energy into people that are nice and wanna do better and help other people, and not you."

And I exhale, feeling a weird kind of release, knowing I am done, feeling my smile, see him blink, and hear him say he loves me.

What?

I feel that body moving up, grab his arm, holding on it, and say the first thing I think of, "Mr. Willis Huey!"

I feel myself move forward and hold onto that wall.

I inhale, look over at him, see him looking at Cairo, hearing Cairo saying something, I think that he's not taking it back and he does love me. What?

I feel that body move up again and say, "Huey, I love you!"

I exhale, hearing Riley I think telling Cairo to leave, and say, "Huey look at me."

I see those eyes turn to me, those mad eyes I never see looking straight at me, seeing them soften a little, feeling my small smile, and say, "Please, if you're in a fight here Mr. Willis could lose you because he'll be fair and have to fire everyone that was part of the fight and then he won't have Howie here like he does, calling you that, and Riley won't have you here to look up to because he does look up to you, everyone won't have you here, Tam Tam and TT won't have their uncle here, and this is not who you are Huey. You don't get into a fight with someone who's wrong about everything, specially when you know I love you. So let him go, don't listen to him, and stay here with me."

I see him exhale, give him those seconds, and then, looking at those eyes get to be that darker burgundy I like, he says, "Riley."

I hear Riley answer him, see Huey exhale longer, feeling my smile seeing him looking at me, and he says, "It's fine. Thank you. Take care of your responsibilities today. Nothing is happening."

I hear those steps, see Riley's shirt next to that tall boy, and hear him say, "Huey, I can make this fool leave. You'll give me a chance."

I see Huey blink and he says, "If you touch him, he could say you started something. I won't have you fired from your first job Riley. And I'm fine. Just make sure to take care of your responsibilities because after tonight I'm no longer cleaning up the mess others leave behind, even if you're not one of those problems, and Mr. Willis and Frank can deal with it tomorrow when they get here and know the things that should have been done by those employees weren't done, and I'm sure Monica will deal with cutting hours or firing those employees, so just make sure to take care of your responsibilities."

I hear Riley exhale, hear him start snickering I think, look over at him, see him turn back to look at Cairo I think, and hear him say, "She 'ready don't like your punk ass and if no one cleaning up after you you gonna be fired in a week and I'ma be waiting for that day so I can drag your bitch ass outta here."

I exhale, see Riley start walking up to the door, seeing only Riley's back, and hear him say, "Now get the fuck outta this office cuz no matter what my brother said right now I ain't letting you be this fucken close to my sis, and for family I will fucken kill you, and I couldn't give two shits if I get fired, long as family ain't being punked by niggas like you, so get stepping befor' I drag you right now to that toilet you ain't clean yet and put your face in it."

I hear Cairo say something I can't hear and hear Riley say, "Fuck you and don't test me cuz it's been a minute since I beat a fool for looking at my girl but I can make sure my fist still do enough damage when I break your face on that toilet, now move."

I exhale, waiting those seconds, then I see Riley walk out, not seeing Cairo anymore, hearing footsteps walking down the hallway, and see Riley close the door behind him.

I exhale so much longer, closing my eyes, feel those hands on my face, feel him turn me, and feel him kiss me.

I put my hands around that torso, hugging him, kiss him back, and feel those hands come down from my face to my shoulders, feeling him kiss my lips, my chin, hearing him say he's going to beat him again.

I exhale and say, "Bestie, I don't want you getting in fights, specially with dumb, crazy, people that don't matter. I don't even want you doing what you're doing this week, but I know you said you have to, even if I still wanna talk to you about it, but really I just wanna be there with you because I don't want you to be alone any," and I taste that tongue, feeling those rough hands on my face again, kissing me like that again, like he's missed me all day, and know no matter what, no matter what dumb, crazy people, I'll never get tired of kissing him.

* * *

I inhale, turn the doorknob pushing the door open, step into the room, and feel my eyebrow rise.

I exhale. A desk, laptop, bed, drawers, posters of those figures.

Other than those posters, it seems too clean. Too sanitized.

I close the door behind me, look around to see where I need to start, knowing I do not have that much time, and stop, feeling it. That heat, that, I shake my head from frivolous thoughts.

I walk over to it, to the closet, and grab the knob moving the door to the left, opening it.

Some clothes hanging, a basket with clothes, possibly dirty clothes, at the bottom, and shoes, clean black high top converse.

I exhale, it's too clean. And why did I feel that heat, that energy coming from here, this place? I inhale, focus. She's fine, she's fine, where she said she would stay, and would wait.

Focus. The closet. Normally, if I had more time, I would start with the laptop on the desk but that's already been taken care of remotely, and then I would have searched the room, the bedsheets, the drawers, but everything's clean, on the outside at least, almost like no one lives here, or they're trying to make everything seem like it's in place, like there's nothing out of place, everything being exactly in its right place, folded, with the corners of the laptop lined up to the desk, the basket of possibly dirty clothes in the closet, that closet where I felt it coming from, with that basket on top of that clean floor. And I only have so much time. Shit. Focus. That energy, that damn energy.

There. I inhale, feeling my eye twitch, possibly, as it does at times when I've found objects, parts that shouldn't have been where I found them. That clean floor.

I kneel, move the basket, and start to feel under it, between those wood boards, feeling for anything out of place through the clear gloves, moving down, in between those boards, down, down, and then again, over to the next board, the next one, knowing I have only fifteen minutes at most before, and then I stop, feeling it, that indent. I move my hand away, knowing I'm dealing with a fucken idiot, but there could still be a booby trap, some I was too naive to see when I was younger, the reason for some of the scars I know she sees but doesn't ask about. And she probably will notice a new scar or burn.

I exhale, take the smallest knife out of my pocket, flick it open, place the end of the knife inside that indent, under the board, and move my body away from it, enough anything coming out of that hole will damage only my hand some, and push down.

I feel it move up, see that smoke, that color, red spice it smells like, coming from under that board, and continue to push down more, flipping the board over, removing it completely.

I exhale, putting the knife back in my pocket, waiting for that red spice to clear the air, and after seven seconds I feel my chin rise, knowing crazy when I see it, truly insane when I see it, or just mild obsession with someone, even when it's a black girl that happened to get raped by a white teenager who had the money for a well put together defense, and now that girl's family is suing his family through a civil court case, and my only job is to look for evidence showing he was harassing her because they didn't think they would need me during the sexual assault case, finding the condom he used, the empty bottle of drugs he put in her drink that day at her house when she was tutoring him, and that coarse dark hair he cut off of her when she was still drugged, after he had raped her, using it to wrap the bottle and condom for keepsake. And those were items I could have found during the sexual assault case, telling those useless investigators where to look if they were to search his fucken house looking for evidence of what that rich white teenager did to that black girl whose mother is working two jobs, trying to raise her on those low paying jobs, and doesn't have money to hire anyone but a tired, overtaxed attorney, who didn't even bother to ask for a search warrant to search the house of that teenager, lost the case for lack of evidence, and now an attorney from the DA's office that took up the civil court case hired me to search for anything that could show how that teenager was harassing that girl, was obsessed with her, used scare tactics to force her to tutor him, showing her pictures he had taken of her undressing in the girl's locker room, telling her if she tutored him, alone in her house, he wouldn't post those picture online. Those pictures I found under that empty bottle. Those pictures he used so he could finally have her alone. Fuck. And I found the evidence that could have saved her from going through another fucken case. That coarse hair that's just as thick and untamable as this thick blonde hair. This thick blonde hair wrapped around this doll with those eyes colored in green, this white doll with a pink sweater, jeans, that's thin, breakable, unlike her, and those pictures of that slim back in those shirts that show those smooth shoulders. Those pictures under this doll with that crust I assume is ejaculation.

I exhale, feeling that doll I'm holding with that hair around its waist, seeing that crust around that face in those picture, that smile, remembering, remembering what we agreed on, what she asked me to do, this one and only time, closing my eyes before I break everything I've wanted to for the past twenty seven seconds, and hear something move.

I open my eyes and see those pictures of that face move sideways, where I see another doll under those pictures, a different kind of doll, one made of a brown material, that thick blonde hair around its neck, those green buttons for eyes, and inhale, not needing to know more. Fucken psychotic piece of.

I hear those steps, crack my neck, trying to calm down, hear the door open, and hear that fucken psychotic piece of shit inhale.

I exhale all of the air from my body hearing him say, "The fuck you doing in my house! Get out! Get the fuck out!"

I inhale, focus, dropping that barbie doll, if that's what it is, over the pictures and the voodoo doll, knowing enough of all of that, back into the box, grab the box from under the floor, stand up, and turn around.

I see him inhale looking down at the box, see him look up at me, lowering his eyebrows, and he says, "Give that to me, that's mine, and you're fucking touching it."

I inhale and say, "I already unpurified your voodoo shit you fucken psychotic piece of shit and I'm taking this because you deserve to have not a damn thing of hers."

I see him inhale, see him step up, and I move the box to my other hand, readying myself, hearing those dolls drop, hearing him curse.

I see him kneel on the floor, grabbing those dolls to his chest, and he says, "You touched them!"

I exhale and say, "I did, which means your voodoo shit won't work because it's no longer pure, has been contaminated."

I see him stand up, stepping back from me, and raise my chin seeing that psychotic look he gives her before walking away down the hallway at that safe institution where I want to, have to stay close to her, and he says, "That means you touched that protection I put on them and you're cursed you dumb fucken shit!"

I exhale, feeling that headache, and say, "That red spice you probably bought online from some company saying they're owned by Native Americans, which I'm sure they aren't you sad pathetic shit seeing as the white man, the family that adopted you, bought-out most of those companies decades ago and uses them to profit himself and not Native Americans, which you only happen to be a fraction of you worthless piece of shit, the reason you only know whatever you've ever read online, which is almost always lies, and feel some connection to them, enough that you think anything you buy online actually has Native American qualities to it, just because you, you fucken idiot, happen to buy it, which I know is not only one of the stupidest fucken things I've ever heard but makes even less sense considering you happen to mix it with other voodoo shit, African American voodoo, using that doll, you fucken psychotic lunatic."

I see his eyes get big, see him inhale, possibly, if I cared enough, mad, and he says, "It doesn't matter. I am part Algonquin, mix like her, and you wouldn't know a fucken thing about," and I see him stop, see his eyes possibly get slightly bigger, making him look like a fucken surprised idiot, and he says, "How do you know I'm part Native American and that shit 'bout me being adopted?"

I exhale and say, "As of right now every computer in this house, the two in the office downstairs, the one in the master bedroom, the one in the room down the hallway, and the two in this room, regardless of where you're hiding the second one, have had all data erased, reverted back to the original state they were in when you first turned them on."

I see him inhale, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "So you went through the computers, erased them, and that's how you found my files on my heritage. I don't give a shit."

I exhale and say, "I couldn't give two shits about those files, I wanted to make sure any and all files where you had anything that had to do with her were erased from those computers, which they now have been."

I see him look away, see him nod with his fucken smirk, and I add, "Your social media accounts, your emails, all of the ones you've accessed in the last two years have also all been erased with all data no longer accessible to you."

I see him look at me, see his mouth open, and hear something fall, possibly those pointless dolls, see that lunatic look, readying myself to knock him out, and he says, "You took all my shit, all those pictures, two years of her."

I inhale, remembering the date on the first fucken picture in both his computers and all three email accounts I accessed remotely last night. That picture of the first day of ninth grade, her in that black cotton-like dress with a white collar that hugged her body too much that did remind me of the Addam's family, that dress I know would not fit her now, in those green low top converse, her matching earrings, the day I realized the color of her eyes in the morning was jade, is jade, in that light makeup I now know she was using to hide those bags under her eyes, those bags I should've prevented, like I'm trying to do now, and say, "Yeah."

I see him take those steps, move the box up under my armpit, the only remnant he has of her, the pictures in this box, after making sure all computers in this house, his home, where he would have those pictures of her, those letters he wrote to her, must've all been saved, seeing him scream coming at me with that fist, exhale, squat down, and put my fist through his side, hearing him cough, seeing him fall back. Fucken idiot.

I hear the door open, look over, see that woman walking in, see her eyes get big, and she says, "Who are you! What are you doing to my son!"

I exhale, not timing her possibly getting home early for whatever reason she did, and hear another voice say, "Mother why are you screaming like that? Do you want to give me a headache?"

I see the door open wider and see that girl. Shit. I wanted to keep them out of this shit show, at most only dealing with this fucken lunatic. Fuck.

I see him coming at me again with his other hand, exhale at his stupidity moving the box to my other arm and grab that fist.

I see his eyes get big, see the shaking, the possible hate, and he says, "Give me that fucken box! She's mine!"

I inhale and say, "She's never going to be and I'm taking this box so you have nothing of her, ever, you fucken psychotic lunatic, as you sit here in your room thinking about all those pictures, those fucken worthless voodoo dolls that aren't Native American or African American, they're nothing, and all you'll ever get are the scraps, the remnants of her hair when she leaves it behind, as I access remotely the computers in this house, all of them, no matter how much time or energy it takes me, the connections I'll have to use in order to erase any and all pictures you ever take of her you fucken psychopath."

I see him exhale, see him shaking, possibly knowing he really will never fucken have her, even in pictures, and hear that woman say, "Wait, what's happening! What pictures! I'm your mother Zackery and I have a right to know! Tell me!"

I feel him trying to move that fist in, crack my knuckles into that fist, seeing him inhale, possibly from what he just felt, pain, and hear that woman say, "Tell me! You! Whoever you are! What pictures and what are these dolls!"

I see him inhale, see him look over at her, crack that fist, and hear him inhale, looking back at me, and hear that woman say, "Please! Tell me! And let go of my son!"

I exhale, knowing who I am, knowing I do not beat people in front of family members, and let go of that hand.

I see him step back, see him look down, see him bending down, and I bring my leg up, into that neck, hearing him cough and seeing him fall back.

I exhale, bend down, grabbing those two pointless dolls with her hair wrapped around them, put them in the box, seeing that woman's shoes in front of me, stand up, turn around, towards the window, and hear her say, "Please, I know he's not completely right, mostly because of that alcoholic Indian father they told me about and that drug addict mother, the only reason he could even resemble us, but he's still part of this family, has been since he was an infant, and my husband, ruthless as he is, decided to let him keep that last name, that Indian name, the reason our acquaintances within our social class know he was adopted, and the only reason he knows about his adoption, but he's still my responsibility, and I must know what he's been up to, how that could affect our social standing in this community, so please tell me what pictures those are and what those dolls mean?"

I exhale and hear that girl say, "You're so disgusting Zackery, dolls, and I'm so sure it's that girl that I would see on your computer when I'd walk into your room, that girl that's nowhere as pretty as my friends that I would introduce you to, a girl that probably has no morals or class with that kind of hair, gross."

I exhale, walking over to the window, and feel that hand on my shoulder.

I inhale and say, "Ma'am do not touch me."

I hear her inhale behind me and hear her say, "Fine, I'll let you go but at least be respectful of my social standing in this community, my class, which I will assume you are aware of seeing as you've broken and entered into this house in this neighborhood that I will add has cameras and an alarm system you more than likely set off, and the police should be on their way. So, I'll let you go so you can meet the police outside but first let me see what's in that box."

I exhale, hearing that fucken idiot tell me to give him the box, seeing that smirk on those full lips even if she's not actually in this room, and turn around.

I see her look up at me, see her eyebrow rise, hear that girl, that fucken psychotic lunatic's adopted sister, say something pointless about me, and see that woman look down at the box and put her hand in it.

I hear that fucken idiot saying something to this woman about not touching what's in this box, and see her look at that picture, the one with that smile, the crust around that face, and see her drop the picture in the box, looking at that fucken idiot that I can hear possibly, if I cared enough, cursing at this woman.

Then I see her turn back to the box, see her look back down at it, looking at that picture again, and see her inhale, looking, if I cared enough, scared.

I see her look up at me with eyes open and she says, "Who is that?"

I exhale and say, "You wanted to see what was in the box, you did, not because you politely asked, threatening me with the police, which are not going to come because I turned off the alarm system, including the camera system that is not recording anything right now, but will as soon as I deem necessary, which I will take care of the moment I walk out of here, but because you are a woman, and regardless of what shade, color, or better than attitude, I treat them all with respect, but based on how cordial you have been with someone that broke into your house to take something from an imbecile that should have nothing of this girl, let alone her hair and any pictures of her, I don't have to answer any other questions you have. Have a nice day."

I turn around, hearing that girl say something pointless again, hearing that fucken idiot telling her to stop being a slut, exhale, taking that step towards the window, and hear that woman say, "Just tell me that is not Sarah Dubois's daughter! Tell me!"

I inhale, look back at that fucken idiot, see him inhale looking at the box I'm holding, see him look up at me with that fucken look, like he still won in his own fucken world, and he says, "You think this is over? I'll just take more pictures. I don't care what your ass does, I'll make another one, another box to show her how I feel, how connected we are, how I'll understand her, that she doesn't have to be alone living like that, having two races in her that shouldn't fucken mix, they shouldn't, a white mother and a fucken deadbeat for a father, because she looks at me, she does, like she doesn't look at anyone else at that fucken school, and she wants to be with me, wants to be with me forever, like we're supposed to, like we were gonna be that fucken night, that night she pushed me away, when everything, every fucken thing was set, the time, the explosions, and then she backed out, she got scared, didn't wanna come home with me because people would find out, but she wanted to, and next time, next fucken game, or any fucken game, I'll let her come to me, and," and I see that woman slap him.

I see him look at her, feel myself move up towards him, and hear her say, "Zackery! That was you! You caused that commotion, those explosions that only people of lesser standing would do, only those thugs, those low class people! And you took part in that! Do you know what our friends would say if they found out you were part of that mockery to that school! And for her! A girl I've seen in those pictures with Sarah Dubois! The same Sarah Dubois who called the McNeil's last week right before they hired an office out of New York as their legal defense! The attorney I've seen in newspapers with her children after winning cases against the city for those low class people! And you're taking pictures, doing all these things, these Indian things our family has nothing to do with, for her, when her mother is that woman! Are you insane Zackery! Do you have any sense at all of what could happen to us if she finds out you're doing this to her daughter! Do you even know that we are not nearly as well-off as the McNeil's and they're terrified of her!"

I see him inhale, see him step up to that woman, feeling myself move up, see him look up at me, and hear that woman say, "You're not doing anything Zackery! No one's doing anything! And I want that box! I want those pictures!"

I inhale, seeing him exhale, looking at me like he has a fucken say in anything, and he says, "That's my box. Give it to me before I fuck you up and I," and I see that hand slap him again.

I see him inhale, looking at her, feel myself readying myself to stop him, and hear that woman say, "Stop talking like that! Like you have no class! And boy you give me that box!"

I exhale, knowing the names they use when they want to remind us that we're black or poor or both, remembering she is a woman, feeling that fucken headache, turn towards the window, and say, "You'll have to pry it out of my cold fingers because that fucken lunatic is not having anything of hers, nor are you, and seeing as I don't trust anyone of you are less than insane I'll not only be turning on the alarm system but setting it off, which will bring the police to your house immediately."

I take that step, see that fist out of the corner of my eye, grab it, crack those bones this time, hearing him scream, let go, and swing out, connecting to his ribs, hearing him cough, and fall back. Fucken idiot.

I exhale, walk up to the window, step on the sill, and hear that woman say, "What if I pay you? How much for that box? How about ten thousand? Don't you people need that kind of money? Ten thousand for your poor family for a simple box."

I inhale, trying to remember it's not my place to force ignorance out of his world but rather speak the truth and let things fall as they will, and say, "No ma'am and more important than that is the fact that none of you deserve to have any piece of her, and it will be up to her to decide what happens with this box, as she asked me to not kill anyone today but rather retrieve anything else, other than the files that have been copied over with her information before erasing them from every computer in this house, that could be used to threaten your family and that psychotic lunatic who's hand is broken right now and who's hand I will break again, possibly both, when I access all computers in this house routinely to find if he's taken anymore pictures of her. And that is not a warning. That will happen every time I feel the need to check on this house, the computers, laptops, electronics, phones that are all kept here, your home, where you feel the safest, and possibly any other home I believe he could try using to hide any pictures or information on her. So rather than offering me a payoff for this box deal with that ma'am and the police that will be on their way as soon as I step out of this room with this box that is leaving with me. Have a nice day."

I feel the wind on my shoulder and push my body out of the window, hearing her possibly curse, and bring the box into my body, seeing the gate from here, the side door I picked, knowing I'll have to run because of everything that just happened, feeling myself landing, touching the grass with my right knee and hand, from that two story jump.

I exhale, hearing that cursing from that woman, grab my phone, open it to that screen, start running to that side door, and press the on button in the website for Wuncler Security Services for the account for this house, and then swipe to set off the alarm thereafter, where in exactly twenty seconds the cameras will turn on and the police will be on their way.

I pass the side door, hear the sound of the alarm, inhale remembering this service actually works fairly well now, and start running faster if not to not deal with the police but to get to Dorothy faster, to her, where she'll be, letting me focus, helping me focus, no longer hearing the cursing from those that are possibly not only selfish people that do not use their money to help anyone but rather to buy people, people they think need their money, trying to buy boxes of hair and pictures they do not deserve, those selfish people that could possibly all be crazy, based on the fact that I broke several of her adopted son's bones and all she could think of was the legal battle they would be fighting if this information left their house.

And I exhale, running over the hill, through the brush, the trees, the next street, four streets further down, and see her, leaning on the car, looking in my direction, seeing that smile, knowing it was worth it, even not killing a psychotic lunatic who no longer has any remnants of her or standing inside that house with those people, who are all possibly psychotic lunatics, as I step up to that face, see her come up, and feel her kiss me.

I feel those hands on my neck, that ring pressing down on it, hearing her say next time she's not letting me deal with crazy, dumb, people on my own, and I hold that waist with the hand that's not holding the only piece of her that psychotic lunatic would have kept if we didn't plan this today, breaking and entering into that house to make sure all other computers in that house were clear of any data even if I was sure he didn't save any pictures, information of her on those computers, but still, it was worth it, making sure as of fifteen minutes ago there are no computers in that house that have any information, regardless of how that affects them, having made sure to leave school on time as to not show anyone outside of our friends anything different from our normal schedules, having taken care of clearing those emails, those social media accounts, his two laptops in his room remotely as of last night that I know like any damn teenager that's sure of the world he lives in he wasn't going to check until after school today.

I exhale, holding this last remnant, this box that Jazmine head can do anything she wants with, along with the files with those pictures, those letters, all information I copied over last night, because I trust her, hearing her say she belongs to me and I belong to her, kissing that face, telling her I want all of that, and I'm crawling through her window tonight.

* * *

I see her hug her sister, feeling my smirk, remembering that look on that face when she looked in that box, that look of disgust rather than fear, and hear him say, "So I'm damn sure my uncle's gonna tell me, but what happen with that box of fucken disgusting shit?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing her tell them she can't wait for summer, and hear my brother say, "C-Murph said they sent that shit to their grandma."

I hear them inhale and hear Caesar say, "Why brother? You'll dealing with voodoo, you'll don't send that shit to their grandma."

I look over at him, feeling my face fall, see him looking at me, possibly scared, exhale, and say, "Caes, it isn't the shit we've seen, even close to it, but apparently Sarah said their grandmother is used to dealing with cleansing objects based on her creole traditions so," and he cuts me off with, "Oh shit that's right, she creole huh?"

I exhale, shake my head, see him smirk, feeling my eyebrow rise, and he says, "Forget that shit sometimes with how Jazzy and Cin's mama looks, just kinda think of her as an aunt now that knows how to give some good head rubs man, makes any headache go away, forgetting she's anything else but that, even where she comes from, but yeah, even if that shit that fucker did ain't real voodoo, 'least not the kind we've seen, it's still a good idea to send that shit to a cleanser and I'm damn sure their grandma knows what she's doing, but what 'bout the other shit?"

I exhale, look up at that sweater she's wearing again, feeling my smirk, and say, "She gave those files to Sarah and she said she'd hold onto them since at this point she's waiting for a response from that family that's making sure to do everything Sarah asked for or she'll take legal action, which would make it well-known just how crazy that girl is, something those kinds of families do not want people knowing, I'm sure what that fucken lunatic's family is also scared will happen, and one of the reasons Sarah agreed to Jazmine's request to not do anything to that fucken psychopath because at least as of right now he has nothing of hers anymore, and I'm going to continue leaving early from my last period to be in front of her class before the bell rings, or at least until she gets tired of it."

I see her throw me a kiss, feeling my face getting slightly warm at her being Jazmine, and hear my brother say, "A'ight that's the second time I hear this shit, still fucken creeps me out no matter how pussy like that sounds, fucken mixing voodoo shit, fucken crazy motherfucker, and I 'on't wanna hear it no more or I'ma go find that punk ass at his fucken house, so switch it up and tell us how'd yours go Hiro."

I see her turn back to her friends, talking about this weekend, the mall, exhale at that Jazmine head, and hear Hiro say, "Wells, if I gots to go next, ain't nothing close to that shit, just some old gang shit came up with a crew my family had some shit with."

I look over at him, keeping an eye on that pink sweater, and hear my brother voice my though with, "The fuck?"

I see Hiro snicker, shaking his head, see him look up at that line, where that soft pink sweater and her sister and friends are, and he says, "A'ight, I'll tell you'll and I'll watch 'em."

I hear the exhales, feeling myself relax for a few minutes, seeing his eyebrow rise looking at where the girls are, and he says, "Went to that little bitch's house at night like I wanned to, you'll know, kind trained like that, like doing shit at night, saw people there but I ain't pay attention to that, just needed to find an opening, a window, lock the door and get to work beating the shit outta that little bitch. And the fact that there was some'ng going down, music, 'bout thirty people in the backyard, it was gonna make shit easy, long as I was quick. So, waited by a window where I'd seen that fucker walk in and outta few times, knew had to be his room, then when the music in the backyard got loud, just chilling with their bulldog, good dog, I heard that door open and close, looked inside, saw him there sitting on the bed, looking down at his phone, opened the window, didn't make noise but I just thought he was busy looking at whatever that fucker was looking at, walked around him, and saw he had his junk out."

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Hiro inhale, possibly focused on that line where the girls are, see him exhale, and he says, "He looked up, scared, but didn't even care 'bout putting his fucken pants up, just put his phone down, like that shit was more important than his junk fucken hanging out. Punched him, heard that phone fall, grabbed it off the floor, and on that fucken phone I broke five seconds later there was a picture I recognized, a picture this fucken school put on their website from that last game where Lauren was shooting the ball."

I hear the inhales, see him nod, looking at that line, see him exhale, and he says, "Fucked him up 'til he couldn't walk, knew what I was doing, but just kept thinking 'bout my girl that don't have tats, don't work at a titty bar, ain't getting paid for showing skin, wanning to be there even if it's cuz they gotta pay bills or whatever the fuck, she ain't there, she ain't showing half her body to guys she knows are gonna go home to beat off thinking 'bout her, she don't want that, she likes to fall asleep to her favorite fucken cartoon, feeling safe like no one's got no pictures of her on their phone doing that shit thinking 'bout her like that, like she wants that, like they can do that shit to her, like anyone got a say in what girls want, probably what that fucker did before he did that shit to my sister, before he got the balls to hide behind a fucken wall at school when no one was there, did that shit to her, probably had started with him thinking 'bout her like that, like that fucker was thinking 'bout Lauren, swearing I was fucking hearing Lauren crying like that, like my sister cried those fucken nights, and then I felt someone pulling me off of his ass."

I inhale, see Hiro smirk, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear my brother say, "The fuck happen Hiro?"

I see Hiro nod with his smirk and he says, "Maybe cuz I don't give a shit what's happening 'round me when I'm taking care of shit, didn't know those thirty people had left, there was only 'bout ten left, had been practicing for one of 'em quinceañeras they do, and the ones that pulled me off that little bitch were his cousins."

I see him start snickering, hearing my brother exhale, and hear him say, "Hiro, get to it man, this ain't no fucken movie."

I hear Caesar and Hiro cackling, feeling myself possibly doing it to, knowing Hiro's fine so it went well enough, and hear Hiro say, "A'ight, a'ight, so, after some punches, knowing it was getting pretty fucken even with me being tired and five against one, one of 'em told us to stop and asked me 'bout my tat."

I see him exhale, see him nod at my brother, and he says, "Yeah. Said he knew it cuz he'd seen it in LA where they're from. Said he knew my family got 'round but didn't know we were in Chi-Town to, but his family had shit with them in LA where I got some cousins and uncles, some crazy ass aunts, but that shit got cleared when some got locked up 'bout five years back when I remember my uncles where in LA for a minute, had me taking care of shit they shoulda been handling in Chi-Town. Back then some got locked up in both families, some other crews to, but it came down to a set up by some fucked up cops that were trying to, they said clean up the city, but really they were trying to lock up blacks, browns, those fresh off the boat like my family that made their money on the streets, some girls even went in cuz they were selling what they got when cops don't give a fuck they just got here, they don't even know English, and all they got is themselves to sale, even if it ain't right, but instead of giving them help they lock 'em up, leaving my other little cousins to pick up feeding my old ass aunts and uncles that still don't know English, working in factories, where they know more Spanish than English."

I see him inhale and he says, "So told him that is my family but whatever he got with them is between 'em and I ain't want shit to do with that and he said that ain't his shit either cuz he got out to when that shit in LA went down, think someone close to him got locked up, started talking about how he been trying to correct this cousins since that shit happen, teaching 'em god or some shit, like that fucker that was still bleeding on the floor and only at this fucken school cuz he can kick a fucken ball, and that cousin asked me why the fuck I was beating him when he knows I probably don't beat no one for no dumb shit, and I told his ass to ask that fucker and every time he lie I'd punch him where I'd knew he wouldn't recover."

I hear the snickering from those two, see Hiro smirk, and he says, "Took one good hit and that fucker talked like the little bitch he is, told his cousins 'bout the shit he said to Lauren in class, some shit might still beat him for later, 'bout talking shit to her and my sister at the mall, following Lauren 'round school sometimes, kicked his head in for that one cuz I knew but wasn't fucken sure, then he told 'em 'bout the game, trying to put that shit over her face, that shit he said he got from that crazy ass girl, planning on taking Lauren home, and before I could beat him for that shit, his cousins beat the shit outta him."

I see him inhale, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Just sat back with their dog, watching his cousins fuck him up, 'til their folks got home, and that cousin said I should go cuz he was gonna have to explain to that fucker's folks why he was bleeding all over the fucken floor but they'd be cool with it cuz they trust him cuz some shit 'bout him being responsible for all fifty cousins or some'ng, but he said if this shit with Lauren happens again I should break the fucken hand he was using when he was looking at my girl's picture and he'd just sit back and watch."

I see him exhale, see him nod at my brother, and he says, "Like I said, ain't nothing close to the shit Huey saw, shit man I'd take meeting up with another crew to throw it down any day over fucken voodoo shit and them crazy rich white people they got here, shit, other than Ed and his grandad who you knows smokes a few blunts before he has breakfast, I can't fucken stand being in the same room with these rich assholes, like what you'll had to do. Fuck that."

I hear the cackling, hearing myself doing it, and hear my brother say, "Wells, since you went there I'ma say I ain't have it as bad as you or McHater, with them crazy crews from LA or that shit with rich white people, just followed his punk ass leaving school, saw his ass walk into a liquor store, walk out the back, walk into a park where I knew some that sale weed and it was fucken over man."

I exhale, see my brother look at me, and he says, "Yeah, I knows, I knows McHater. Made sure no one was following my ass, saw him get his shit from an old connect, know they 'on't sale only weed, they like selling crack to those stupid ass rich white kids that got too much money and get fucken tired of their folk's powder and wanna try some new shit, some'ng that makes 'em feel like gangsters or some shit, fucken dumbasses. So when he was done buying his shit, kept walking, knowing where that fucker was gonna go, making it too fucken easy. Shit, beat him to the wash, so when I saw his ass walk under me all I had to do was jump down, gave him a second to know who it was, even let him swing few times, and then beat the shit outta him, thinking he can fucken do that shit, not just to any fucken female, but to C-Murph. Cindy man who wasn't even thinking right that night, just looking 'round for Jazzy, trying to find her, seeing her move up to those steps to get to her sister, and then seeing that fucken asshole grab her, he fucken touched her."

I see him exhale looking at the table and he says, "Hiro."

I hear Hiro say, "Yeah man, watching 'em."

I see my brother nod and he continues, "A'ight, so I'm beating the fuck outta him, know I broke 'least his shoulder, probably his face, and I just couldn't fucken stop man, I couldn't man, and then hearing that fucken sound, that sound of that fucken song man, that song of that damn show."

I see him exhale, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "That dumbass song that ain't that bad when you watch that show 'nough, know it ain't just 'bout the music, the fighting, some skin on some females, there some story behind that shit, the times back then 'bout people that can't be not cuz of how black they are but cuz they believe in some'ng damn government don't believe in, hunting them down like fucken animals."

I exhale, having watched that show enough when Jazmine's wanted to listen to the music in the background, while I watched her laugh at Fuu falling over saying she's just as clumsy, a show about Japan during the Edo period where samurais who dared to be Christian and even further dared to rebel against their oppressors for overly taxing them and prohibiting the practice of Christianity with violence and death, were sought out and executed.

I hear Hiro say, "It's a good fucken show cuz it actually teaches some 'bout history of Japan man, some historical accuracy and shit."

I look over at him, see him looking over at the girls who I know are no longer in that line, but rather standing there talking in between themselves, and hear my brother say, "And you be calling Jazzy and McHater nerds."

I hear the cackling, exhale at my idiot friends cursing at each other, and hear my brother say, "Wells yeah, it's a good damn show, good fucken music, and C-Murph put that song on my phone so when she calls I hear that song, hear it, telling me it's her, and she's calling my ass probably cuz she worried 'bout me."

I see him exhale looking at the table and he says, "So I pick up, tell her I'm cool, and she ask me how fucked up he is, tol' her, and she said I gotta stop cuz she ain't want my ass getting locked up or some shit if I kill his ass, and she wants my ass to drop him in the water there for a minute, make sure my blood, if there be any, washes off him, and then she wants me to walk him up the wash and drop him off on the street so his ass can walk home all fucked up or walk to the hospital cuz she still ain't cool with him, what he tried to do to her at the game, how he touched her sister last time, that shit he did to Lauren, and she ain't want me calling no one to help him, but she ain't want him bleeding like that cuz I'ma get locked up and then she's gonna have to break me out and take off to the island cuz Leo talks 'bout them like they're the shit and she wants to visit but before that she still wanna beat that fucked up racist school this year again and wants me there with her ass and I can't be locked up for that, and other shit you'll ain't gotta know 'bout she'll miss if I ain't around. So I pushed that fucker into that dirty ass water, made his ass wake up with that shit, and dragged his ass up the wash, think losing his fucken shoe on the way up, and dropped his ass on the street, where he still looked fucked up but 'least he ain't dead, and then I went home to wash off that fucken nasty ass water, and then went to see my girl on my day off from work. Simple ass shit."

I exhale, see my brother look over at me, see that idiot smirk knowing he's going to say something idiotic, and he says, "I means if you're gonna break outta prison your ass goes to the islands not fucken Cuba man. Shit, like that's why I ain't sure we brothers sometimes, I'm cool ass fuck, planning ma escape to the islands and you be trying to get to Cuba."

I feel my face drop, hearing that damn cackling, knowing plenty, several, well-known activists fled to Cuba because they were also being hunted, killed, imprisoned, tortured by this great damn, and hear Caesar say, "Nah brother, I know what you're thinking but not all of 'em went to Cuba, some went other places, the islands, even Africa, but Cuba was all socialist and shit and hated America so that's why they went there but the islands is where it is man, no matter how fucken hot it gets there, they got some good weed, laid back days, and good ass food, so I'ma agree with Riley on this shit."

I exhale, laying my head back on the wall, knowing they're idiots and he's smarter than most but sometimes, sometimes, most of the time, all the time, I know he, as well as others, benefits from listening to her talk. That Jazmine head.

I look back down, hearing the cackling dying, and see that face looking over here, seeing her smiling at me, wondering if she can hear some of what we're talking about with how loud my brother is, and see those lips move mouthing, 'Cuba one day?'

I exhale, feeling it on my face, and mouth, 'Maybe.'

I see that tint I like, see her nod with that smile, and hear Caesar say, "Wells if you'll do think 'bout going, you going with me, and maybe this summer be a good idea to take off for a minute, cuz after yesterday kinda need a break man, even though I know I didn't deal with half the shit you'll dealt with, shit, crews from LA, rich crazy ass white people, dragging mother fuckers through dirty ass wash water, and some voodoo shit, a vacation from this shit might be good."

I see that face turn to Ming and see those full lips mouth, 'So is Caes okay?'

I look back down, keeping an eye on that soft pink sweater, see Caesar looking at the table, and he says, "I mean I knows he's alive but just way Ming's been since that day, I couldn't, just, you know, stop myself. Kept beating him 'til I heard someone scream at me to stop, then felt something hit my head, shook it off, and threw him on his bed. I turned around and saw I think a butler, some penguin dressed fool holding a broom, walked up to him, saw that look, fucken scared that some black guy was in his fucken house, grabbed the broom from him, and he screamed again like I was gonna beat him, and I told his ass to calm the fuck down."

I see him exhale and bring out my phone, open my phone book, looking for that phone number, the DA, even if Sarah's around we need every possible, and hear him say, "Hu."

I exhale, getting to that phone number, and say, "I'll make a few phone calls, two that will be ready if you get arrested and," and hear him say, "Brother."

I exhale through my nose, trying to take care of this fucken problem, look up at him, see him smirk, and he says, "Let my ass finish."

I exhale longer and say, "Fine, but the sooner I make these calls the sooner they can start working on getting you out while we get the damn case together."

I see him shake his head, smirking, and he says, "Damn Hu, wonder sometimes between you two, way I see Jazzy girl not let Ming finish a sentence before she's walking over to beat whoever the fuck said anything to my girl, which one of you is worse at trying to fix shit that don't gotta be fixed, and you'd know that shit if you just let people finish a damn sentence before you try saving their asses from nothing, so how 'bout you calm down, let me finish, and then make any calls you gotta make?"

I inhale, put the phone down on the table, hearing the exhales, and say, "You just said a butler, an employee of that house caught you beating that fucken idiot and somehow that does not require immediate action, which I can only see happening if you also beat the butler, which would be fine, seeing as I know you took care of the alarm system and cameras, but you don't like beating people that haven't pissed you off so I don't see how any of this doesn't end with me making those phone calls right now."

I see that idiot smile, feeling my eyebrow rise, knowing it's possible that he's been hanging out with my brother too much, and he says, "Apparently that butler was just scared for a second 'til he listened to my ass telling him I ain't there for him just fucking up that asshole, gave him back his broom, and he turned on the lights, which I ain't understand why since it was right after school and there's still daylight and shit, and then that butler smiled at my ass and started acting he ain't never seen a Chi-Town Jamaican."

I feel my face drop and hear my brother say, "Nigga that's gay."

I exhale, hearing the cackling possibly louder at this point, see Caesar smirk at my brother, and he says, "Hey man I ain't got no problem with people doing what they gotta do, what they wanna do. Shit, told his ass I'm um, you know, with my girl and I was there cuz that fucker tried doing that shit to her at the game and don't wanna let her go, and I'm just there cuz I'm tired of that shit, then he started saying why there ain't any good gay men in this city that wanna take care of him like that. Told him I can't answer that shit cuz one, I ain't gay and two, I ain't eighteen yet so really he should be looking for men his damn age but I do know Jazzy and Cin's mama's assistance is gay from what they say so there are gay men and he just gotta keep looking. Shit, told him I had my fuck ups, but I found the perfect girl and he can't give up looking for someone, then he asked me if I ate since he needed to start making dinner for their family and shit and I told him that was cool of him to offer me food but I probably should leave before that fucker's family got home, and he said I probably should go so I don't get in trouble and shit. Then he said some other things 'bout that fucker 'bout how much of a dick he is with the people that work there and how no one likes his ass so he ain't saying shit and if they ask him he's gonna say he was downstairs in the kitchen the whole time. Gave me a bottle of water on the way out cuz he said it was a hot day and I gotta stay hydrated and shit, walked out right through the front gates, walked to the corner, got on the bus, turned on their alarm and camera systems using that website you sent me brother, came in real fucken handy to have it on my phone, got to my house, changed cuz I had some of that fucker's blood on me, and then got on the bus and made to the shop to help close up."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "So there were no repercussions for getting caught by someone that's being paid to work in that house when you were beating that idiot?"

I see him move his shoulders up and down, see him look back down at the newspaper, and he says, "Not a damn one brother."

I hear that cackling, shake my head, hearing myself doing it, and say, "It's possible you're all right about who dealt with more crazy, lunatic, psychotic pieces of shits yesterday then. Fuck."

I exhale, hearing the cackling continue, feeling my smirk, and look up at that face, thinking about dragging her to that room because holding her, tasting those lips, and then having her kiss me like that, feeling those kisses on the back of my neck, my shoulders, falling asleep to those kisses on my back, was not enough.

And I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "Hiro."

I hear him inhale, seeing that fucken idiot at the entrance of the cafeteria, bandaged enough but not enough to not see it's that idiot.

And I feel my other eyebrow rise seeing him being dragged by his arm by another guy, possibly our age, Latino, and someone I know is not a student here, walking directly to this table.

I look over at that face, see that fine eyebrow rise, and tell her to make sure they all stay there, seeing her nod.

I see those two, one being dragged to this table, finally get here, see him looking away, hearing that other guy telling him in Spanish to shup up, see that other guy look at Hiro and he says, "Hey homes."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Hiro say, "Ain't expect to see your ass so soon. What's up man and why'd you bring this fucker?"

I see that guy exhale, see him look over at that idiot, and he says, "Cuz after I told my tía 'bout the fuck he's been doing she said he gotta make that shit right, first asking for forgiveness, then saying few prayers when he goes to church today, and maybe, I don't think it's gonna happen, but then maybe my tía won't make him move to my school where he'll learn what happens to fuckers like him that don't fucken listen, where you get beat every day, every fucken day, 'til you learn you respect girls pinche motherfucker."

I hear Hiro exhale and hear him say, "I don't know man. I get asking for forgiveness or whatever but I don't really want him standing anywhere near ma girl."

I see that guy look at Hiro, see him smirk, and he says, "Homes I ain't say he was gonna be standing."

I feel my eyebrow rise, feel my chin rise, hear Hiro exhale and hear him say, "Sounds interesting. Huey?"

I exhale, look back at that worried look on her, and hear Hiro say, "Can Jazzy girl ask her if she wants that?"

I nod, mouth it, see those greens turn to Lauren, repeat it, seeing those greens blink, that smirk, seeing her turn to me with that smile, and say, "Yeah."

I hear Hiro exhale and hear him say, "Gerardo, that's Huey, Caesar next to you, and that's Riley, all from the same place you know I come from."

I see that guy nod, see him exhale, and he says, "Wells, you knows where I'm from, and I knows when to try to make shit right, even if my tía hadn't asked me to do this, cuz I don't need that shit in ma family no more, specially shit happening cuz some puto don't know what it's like to be a man, take care of shit, and treat girls like we were told to treat 'em."

I see him look back at that idiot that's still looking away, and he says, "Like they're your damn sister at church fool. Fucken péndego that don't listen when el padre está hablando."

I feel my eyebrow rise, wondering just how many religions brainwash and at the same time give some decency to human beings, whether there can be a balance there.

I see that guy turn back to us, see him nod, and he says, "Wells, it's cool to meet you'll but I'ma take care of business, maybe I'll catch you'll on the flip side, but right now I gotta drag this péndego ten feet from where he starts walking on his knees, and from what I seen right now with that mind-reading shit you'll did it's them four girls there, and I'm damn sure knowing this fool and girls my tía's told me he's done this shit to, which one is it, and I'ma take care of it."

I see that guy grab that fucken idiot by his arm again, dragging him towards them, and hear that damn voice say, "Hey, who are you! Are you even a student here!"

I exhale and hear my brother say, "Leon don't mess with this shit cuz we're all fucken tired man and I just don't give a fuck right now!"

I look over at that worthless counselor, see him look at my brother, and see him start walking over here. I exhale. Shit.

I stand up, crack my neck, see Caesar stand up from the corner of my eye, and see that counselor stop walking.

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at the table, and exhale, seeing both Hiro and Riley standing up, hearing some of those athletes that look up to my brother yelling that saying.

I look back at that counselor and see him exhale looking at us, hearing some idiot teenagers talking about their pointless drama and possibly asking why that idiot is kneeling in front of Lauren.

I look back at that pink sweater, knowing at least my brother's keeping an eye on that racist counselor, and see her standing behind her sister, hugging her, with Lauren in front of them and that idiot kneeling, possibly asking for forgiveness. I see that guy hit that fucken idiot over the head, hearing the cackling from my brother and friends, and see that fucken idiot turn in that kneeling position, stand up, start walking, limping to the doors of the cafeteria.

I look back at them, see that guy that dragged that fucken idiot here today nod at Lauren, and possibly apologize himself.

Then, as all occurrence seem to present themselves, I see that counselor run pass them, and push a student out of the way, as he's probably running out of the cafeteria to get security. Shit. I turn back to her and see her and her friends running up to that student that damn counselor pushed on to the floor.

I see them all get to that student, see that guy, Gerardo, helping that student up, knowing he only has twenty seconds at most to get to that door and more than likely he doesn't know the layout of the school, and say, "They need to tell him to use the emergency door."

I hear that whistle from Hiro, see her turn, see those greens look at me, and I tell her.

I see her turn to that guy, tell him to use that door and use the side gate of the school, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing that guy turn back to that student, wondering if he wants to get caught, see him possibly nod, see him turn to the girls, thank them, turn to that door, and start running to it.

I see those students move out the way, letting him pass, wondering if they've finally learned from their survival instincts to get out of the way at times like these, see him walk out that door, see it close, and hear those steps.

I look back at the entrance, see her asking that student if she's okay, seeing that student possibly beat red, knowing it's that girl Jazmine says became her friend recently, and see her nod and smile at Jazmine.

I see Mr. Ramirez get to them, exhale, knowing they're safe in most respects with him there but still. I start taking those steps up to them just to make sure, see him asking them if they're fine, and hear that counselor possibly yell at Mr. Ramirez to help him chase down that guy. Fucken idiot.

I take those steps up faster, get to her, pulling her into me, and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "My job is to ensure the students are safe first and then, only then, chase anyone, but right now I need to take this student who looks winded, looks like she fell, and is bleeding from a scrap on her elbow to the nurse's office."

I hear that counselor exhale and hear him say, "She's fine, we need to," and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "What happened? Why are you bleeding? Was it whoever that was here that did this to you?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, feeling that inhale under me, look over that fucken counselor, see him inhale, and he says, "I need you to help me do your damn," and hear Mr. Ramirez say, "I am doing my job, first being to find out why one of the students in this school is bleeding counselor and I would hope that would be your top priority but if it's not please go chase down whoever you think was in here and take Fred if you don't want to go alone. I'm taking this student to the nurse's office so she can get looked at."

I see that fucken counselor look at that girl, possibly angry, and see her turn away from him.

I see that hand with that ring go up, touching that girl, and hear her tell that girl she'll see her in class and to go with Mr. Ramirez.

I see that girl smile and nod at Jazmine, see her turn to Mr. Ramirez, and start walking down the hallway with him, hearing her say she got in the way of that counselor and fell when he moved her.

I feel that exhale under me and hear her say, "You pushed Mackenzie, made her fall, scrap herself, bleed, and you didn't even care. You're either a horrible counselor or just crazy thinking that's okay."

I feel her start walking, hearing that counselor say something, and I turn to him. I see him look up at me, feel my eyebrows lower, see him inhale, and hear that voice say, "Don't Mr. Leon, not this week, we can deal with you next week."

I see his eyes get big, hearing the cackles start up from our friends, and feel my smirk. I turn that body back to the table, feeling her exhale, and hear her say, "I know lunch is almost over but I wanna touch you until it is over because this week's just been a little crazy."

I exhale, squeezing her, and say, "That Jazmine head. I know."

* * *

I inhale and hear her say, "Really I'm okay Jazzy."

I feel my lips purse, feel her put her hand over my hand, exhale, looking at the paper with our notes, and say, "I know but it was still really bad Kenzie."

I feel her moving my ring around my finger, making me smile, and hear Adah say, "So that's the weak spot."

I exhale, look up at them, seeing them giggling, feeling my smile get bigger, and say, "Okay, I won't think about it too much but I still want us to hang out this weekend."

I see Adah smile, see Mackenzie open her mouth, and hear the door open.

I exhale, seeing them looking worried, and say, "Kenzie what were you gonna say?"

I see her nod, hear the seat next to me move, and she says, "Just if you think I should, you know, call him."

I feel my smile, see Adah hug Mackenzie, feeling my smile get bigger, hearing Adah laughing into Mackenzie's hair, and say, "I don't think there's anything bad just getting to know someone and then when you know, know them really well, if you like them, then maybe try to be friends, and a friend that I've known for a long time says all that other stuff can happen after that, if it does."

I see her smile, see her blush like she did during lunch, and hear Johnny say, "And you could invite him to our church Mackenzie, you know, after you get to know each other, and maybe Adah and I can meet him."

I look over at them and start giggling, seeing Adah lean over, and kiss Johnny on his cheek, seeing him smirk.

And I hear Mackenzie say, "That would be nice but what if he doesn't wanna go?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at her, see those chocolate brown eyes looking at the table, remembering how cute it was when Mackenzie moved her hair out of her face and that really nice guy that I can't believe is related to that jerk looked at her and I think he said 'bella', something Laurie said meant pretty or beautiful, and say, "Well, he was making that guy ask my friend to forgive him for being a jerk, even apologized afterwards himself even though he never did anything, so I think he's respectful at least to girls and after that he ran over to help when he saw what happened to you and didn't know who you were, just that you had fallen down, and still he wanted to help you up. And then he looked so worried when he saw you were bleeding that he asked you to call him if he could help you with anything, didn't even ask for your phone number like a lot of guys do but told you to try to remember his I guess so he could kind of let you call him, if you wanted to. And that really shows he's respectful because he wasn't asking you for your phone number when you were hurt, just wanted to help you up and tell you to call him if he could help you with anything later, and then he left, not really knowing if you would remember his phone number so."

I exhale, see her smile at me, feeling my smile, and say, "So all of that shows he's a respectful and a nice guy, wanted to just help you up, have you call him if you needed anything and only if you remembered his phone number, and even the guys said he was 'cool' but."

I exhale, roll my eyes, seeing them giggle, feeling my smirk at how the guys can't just say a guy's nice they have to say he's 'cool', and say, "But really I think that just means he's a nice guy and it kind of takes a lot for the guys to think anyone's a nice guy, but you don't have to decide today about any of this, maybe just, I don't know, when I have those kind of thoughts I talk to my sister and my mom so maybe talk to your mom first and see what she says, and then you can decide on calling him or inviting him to church."

I see Mackenzie put her head on Adah's shoulder, see her exhale with her smile, and she says, "I will Jazzy, thanks, but I don't know, I have a good feeling about this and maybe I'll just text him after school to tell him I'm okay, see if texts me back, and then tell you all on Sunday if he texted me and you can tell me how Saturday was."

I nod, hear that exhale from him, look down at the paper, and hear the door open again, hearing the inhales in the class.

I see that game at the bottom of the page we used to write the notes on the pages we read this week, the notes on the chores black women had to do in those houses, all the work they did just babysitting those little kids, white kids that were sometimes a few years younger than that black girl babysitting them, a black girl that was probably darker than me, had dark or light brown hair, of maybe looked just like me and was half black and half white, and was just scared and needed to work there but did it because she was brave but maybe didn't know it, and hear him say my name.

I feel my smile, look up at Johnny, see him smirk, and he says, "Sorry I know you were reading those notes but just making sure before my girlfriend forgets to ask."

I giggle seeing Adah kiss his cheek again, seeing him blush still, even after dating for months, like Huey and me, feeling my smile, and say, "Yes, tomorrow for sure."

I hear that exhale again and hear Cairo say, "Jazmine, just."

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing Johnny, remembering that last time, how much fun it was but knowing I want to keep being brave, seeing other places, and say, "I was thinking about another store, still a bookstore, but another one, are you two okay with that?"

I see Johnny's eyebrow rise and he says, "Do they have a coffee shop?"

I can't help and start laughing, hearing Adah saying how cute he is, hearing Mackenzie laughing, and say, "Yes I promise to only look for bookstores where Adie can get her coffee and I can get my mocha."

I feel my cheeks getting warm, thinking how much I liked that drink I got at the coffee shop inside the bookstore that day, a mocha Adah said it was called and she said it had coffee and chocolate in it, how it really was the color of his skin, and just how good it tasted.

I exhale and say, "I really like mocha," and hear them laugh more, looking down, trying to make the redness go away, and hear him say, "Jazmine, stop acting like I ain't here."

I exhale, hearing Michelle inhale I think, and say, "I'm not Cairo, we're in class, we talked about the readings, wrote everything down, and that's it."

I hear Michelle say, "Cairo, seriously?"

I hear him say, "This ain't gotta do with you."

I shake my head, looking down at the paper, and hear Michelle say, "But what happened right now was about us and now you're trying to talk to 'her' again."

I exhale, hearing her say 'her' like that again, knowing she's just trying to get to me, knowing I just am done, she's a dumb girl, I don't care, and say, "You know, I really don't care, I don't, and I don't lie, I really am done, and after this week, I don't even care about the creepy hallways."

I look up at them, see them smirking, hearing Cairo say my name, and say, "So, I will see you all this weekend."

I see them all start laughing, hearing I think other students in class laughing, grab my backpack, put my pen in it, zip it up, and hear Cairo say I'm not going anywhere.

Seriously? I start getting up, feel something pull me down, and inhale, feeling the seat under my butt again.

I hear Johnny tell him to not touch me and say, "Johnny, let me."

I look over at him, see his fade that's a little longer now, almost like he's trying to grow it out or maybe he just hasn't cared to keep it clean, see those brown eyes looking at me like that again, like that, like I'm his girlfriend, and say, "Cairo, you are not allowed to touch me ever again because we are not friends, we aren't, and even my friends don't touch me like that, pulling me down, and you do that again and I promise I will slap you."

I see him inhale, not remembering when this started, when he started getting like this, and he says, "Then give me a fucken minute."

I hear Michelle call him and hear myself tell him, "No."

I see his eyebrows lower and feel my lips purse, knowing I'm braver than he thinks, and my grandma said that she's already lite a candle to protect my sister and me, and I know that's enough to take care of me from any creepy hallways. So, I get up slower this time, seeing him look up at me, walk around my desk looking at him, walking towards the backdoor, hearing Ms. Reed say my name, and I say, not taking my eyes off of him, "I know there's still ten minutes of class Ms. Reed but I need to leave early but just know this is my favorite class."

I hear her say to make sure to get here early on Monday and I can leave early today. I feel smile, nod, and say, "Thank you Ms. Reed."

I turn away from those eyes, push the door open, walk out, and start running.

Down the hallway, down the staircase, the long hall, that left, down that long hall, push the door, out the building, and the brightness of the sun. I see that building where he is, run, thinking about how surprised he's going to be when he sees me standing outside of his class when he walks out early, feel something grab my arm, and turn around.

Cairo. What?

I see him breathing, I think trying to catch his breath, and he says, "Jazmine, I just wanna talk when it's just us, just us. Why can't we have that shit, just a damn minute alone?"

I exhale and say, "Because Cairo you're grabbing my arm and two days ago you almost got into a fight with my brother and my boyfriend at their," and see him inhale and he says, "Why you gotta say that shit! Talking like that fool's your brother, like you married to that nigga, like you already in that shitty family when you sixteen Jazmine! Damn! You're not married to no one and you gotta see other people! Other people that ain't got that shit! Other fucken people that wanna be with you!"

I squirm my arm out, feel him hold onto it harder, and say, "Cairo, it doesn't hurt but I know my skin and I'm gonna bruise so let go now."

I see him exhale, feel him let go a little, see him blink, looking almost hurt, and he says, "Then why Jazmine? I mean you ain't married to him and I know it ain't cuz I'm black like other mix girls said so why not just give a me chance. I ain't asking for more."

I exhale and say, "What do you mean give you a chance? Like you want me to leave my boyfriend and date you just like that, like all this time I've been with him means nothing, just because you're asking? Is that what you're asking to me to do?"

I see him blink and he says, "Nah, I just want you to maybe I 'on't know see there's more and shit, more than what you got, more than him, and just more than that fucked up family that does that shit. I mean they don't just make people disappear Jazmine, fucken sending 'em to other states all cut up, but the ones that stay, they're all fucked up, don't even know who they are no more, and I know you don't want that, all that shit, so just I don't know don't be with him and I promise there's gonna be people that do wanna take care of you, wanna be with you, hear you laugh every fucken day, that love you and shit."

I inhale and say, "Cairo, he does love me."

I see him exhale, feel that hand squeeze, inhale, and say, "Cairo, it's starting to hurt."

I feel that hand let go, exhale, grabbing my arm, not remembering him like this, and he says, "Sorry, just I get, don't know, angry and shit when you say shit like that, that he loves you when you don't know, you don't, you ain't never gonna know 'bout that family, how nothing that comes from them can love shit, you ain't never gonna Jazmine, and you just gotta trust me cuz I know and I wanna take care of you, cuz I love you."

What?

I inhale, turn around, and exhale, feeling my smile seeing that building, start walking, and hear Cairo say, "Jazmine."

I exhale, walking, and say, "No, you're mean Cairo, you're not my friend, and I still gave you a minute right now and all you did was keep telling me these things, things about that family that don't matter to me and things that are not okay to tell me when I have boyfriend, so don't," and I feel him grab my arm again, push my shoulder forward, feel him squeeze hard, the pull back, and see that face come around, feeling my eyes get big, and put my hands up, pushing that chest back.

I push harder, seeing that face, remembering I'm strong but maybe not stronger than him, knowing he's stronger than Mark and Derek were, feel him grab my other arm, smelling his breath, and hear him say, "Jazmine, listen, fuck, just," and I say, "No and let me go!"

And I see that face move up, see that chest, feel him push me into him, and his arms go around me, hugging me. I inhale, pushing him back, feeling him holding me harder, and hear him say, "Fuck Jazmine listen! Look I ain't never met someone like you and I don't ever give a fuck this much so I know it's different and," and I push and say, "Cairo let me go! Please! You're supposed be my friend but you're not! You're just," and I feel his hands squeezing my shoulders, feeling my eyes get watery not knowing why, and hear him say, "Jazmine I am and I wanna keep you 'way from that shit, that fucked up family he got, and I'ma do better, be your friend and be more, and all that shit they told you 'bout me, 'bout my family is kinda true, yeah, just got some money, moved up but I had to keep doing that shit, had to keep that rep cuz it's like that there, but I don't need that shit no more and I'ma do better but don't stop talking to my ass cuz I need that shit, just I don't know, give me a chance to not fuck up no more, be your friend, talk to you, walk you out, but don't fucken not talk to me just cuz of what I said, how I feel, not talking to me yesterday, right now, sitting next to my ass, hearing you laugh, not looking at me one fucken time Jazmine, cuz that shit's fucked up and it fucken hurts."

I inhale, exhale, feeling myself push back on that chest, and say, "Cairo let go please."

I feel my face go into his chest, smelling his cologne, not remembering why I don't like strong smells like that, just a little of Hugo boss that makes me feel happy and safe, cologne I think two people in my life that I love wear, and hear him say, "Then just forgive my ass."

I inhale and say, "What? No Cairo just let me go! Darn it! You're stronger than them! Just let me go please! I don't want anything to do with you, nothing, just let me go!"

I inhale, pushing with all my strength not remembering him being this strong, and inhale, feeling him moving down, those arms letting go, seeing that face that's looking down moving down, and inhale seeing him on the ground, kneeling.

I blink and say, "Cairo what are," and he says, I think looking at my dark pink converse, "Look Jazmine, I ain't good at this shit, I ain't. I ain't a good friend. Fuck, that fool's here cuz of me dragging his ass through that shit and I didn't let him work there cuz I didn't want him 'round you even if he's my friend and I know he ain't into you, I know that shit, but I just, I don't know, I'm not good at this shit, being a friend, working, fucken working for anything, I just take what I get, and when we moved up I took that shit but I wanted to keep that rep cuz ain't nothing gonna change that I'm black and I need fools there to follow my ass, get caught up by the pigs when they're after us cuz all we trying to do is buy some weed man, and then going to school and you gotta say you did that shit, you gotta cuz if you don't, don't talk 'bout all that dumb shit we gotta do then you're just a fucken pussy and those fools gonna stop following your ass and you gonna get beat in the fucken middle of class. Fuck Jazmine, you think that shit was easy? Yeah, had some money for a minute, got some new shit, but that money dried up and we're left with nothing but a house where bills keep coming in and I can't get a damn job cuz I'm only fucken thirteen and none of those white people up the street wanna hire my ass to fucken clean or do any shit cuz they say they ain't got work for me but I know, I know it's always cuz they don't like how I talk, like they can say shit when this is how it is, how we gotta be when we're in the hood, but they don't fucken care, all they see is some dumb nigga that ain't gonna make it out, no matter how much I fucken show up, try to fucken pay attention, do better, and then those niggas outside of class telling me we gotta go score some and I gotta go, and they don't gotta say if I don't I'ma get beat by them that fucken day man. And it's just like that and I gotta do that, and there's no way out, and then you tell me all I gotta do is study, show up, try some, work at it and shit's gonna be alright, it's gonna work out and shit, looking at me with those eyes like I ain't a fuck up and I'm better and I ain't done shit to deserve that, even let that fucker get that close to you, thinking I was gonna take care of you, not thinking you could fucken fall and bleed like that girl at lunch, and that shit coulda been worse with you, and I'm there trying to fucken show off instead of being your friend, and I'm a fuck up, and you don't see that shit, and I just keep fucking up, living with those people that get that money for me to be there and don't give a fuck where I am any time, and you smiling telling me to make it to class on time, and those fools back in Chi-Town calling every damn day telling me they thought I was gonna go back this year, every damn day since school started again, and you telling me to just think about cleaning those bathrooms where I feel like a real fuck up cuz I ain't go through that shit, never washed up in a fucken bathroom, just bills ain't getting paid sometimes but I know I'ma have water and food and some shit but not that, and you showing me your notes when I leave to the bathroom cuz she's asking me again, again, to show up, but she don't fucken care, none of 'em care, don't ask me if I did the readings and shit, don't ask me to look at that quiz two weeks back to see if I got all the fucken answers right, just you, just you, and I keep fucking up telling you how I feel when you just trying to help me, and I'm just a fuck up, maybe just."

I see him exhale, I think catching his breath, and hear him say quieter, "A crazy motherfucker that ain't going nowhere but jail like those fucked up teachers, security guards said back then, family that don't care 'bout me, friends that ain't my friends, and then I hear you, and I just."

I inhale, seeing those tears on the ground, blink, and kneel on the ground.

I see him exhale, seeing those tears coming down his chin, and say quietly hoping I don't scare him, "Cairo."

I see him inhale, see him nod looking down, grab my handkerchief, give it to him, feeling him grab it, and say, "Cairo, I said those things because I wanted to be your friend and that's what friends do, help each other, tell each other they're doing good or they can do better, and they don't get into fights with that person's friends and family because the Freeman's have always been my family and."

I see him look up, inhale seeing his watery eyes, tears, and say, "And tell me that my boyfriend is going to get tired of me and then I'll have no one waiting for me, like I want that, people waiting, staying still, like their life should start when I wanna be with them, when I don't want that. I want my friends to be happy and do things, get jobs, be in relationships, figure out they like or don't like people, and tell people."

I see him inhale, seeing him wipe the tears with the handkerchief, feeling my small smile, and say, "Tell people that they care about them, even if that means they love them, but only if that other person wants that and not forcing that, just being their friend and caring about them like friends care about each other instead of making them feel like they're dumb and weak because I'm not dumb or weak."

I see him inhale, hear that voice say my name, blink, and say, "And you're a black guy that grew up in Chicago Cairo, no matter for how long or if you had money or didn't have money, you still grew up there where it was really hard and you did what you did but you're different now because I think you are, not a, you know, person that messes up, and not crazy, you're just still trying to figure things out, so stand up and do not kneel because only jerks, something I think you stopped being a long time ago, kneel and ask for forgiveness, not guys that had maybe a little character once and are trying to find it again."

I see him blink looking at me, see him exhale, and feel those hands. I feel him pull me up, turn to him, look up at those eyes, feel my small smile seeing that worried look, and say, "Hi bestie."

I see him exhale and he says, "What happened?"

I exhale, look back at Cairo, see him stand up, looking at me with those watery eyes but with no tears anymore, wondering why he's been acting like this, remembering for some weird reason he said those people from Chicago have been calling him, exhale, and say, "Look Cairo, we're not friends, we're not. You were being nice for a while and then these last few weeks you've been acting mean, different, and I just don't know why. And I don't want people like that in my life, I don't, so I hope you figure things out, but what I said two days ago hasn't changed. I want you to stay away from me outside of class, outside of group, don't help me, don't, and I hope you figure things out."

I see him open his mouth and I say, "Cairo if you want anything to work at this point you start by respecting what I'm asking you to do and we go from there."

I see him close his mouth, see him exhale, with that hurt look, and see his shoulders come down, maybe saying yes.

I exhale, turn back to him, smile seeing that smirk, and say, "Let's go because Mo needs her break after not taking it for two days."

I see him exhale with that smirk, feel him squeeze my arms, and I inhale, feeling it, remembering, thinking maybe it took this long to feel it because of my training, and see that look on that face, that scared look. No.

I see those burgundies turn to Cairo and hear Cairo say, "Yeah, was me, and if you fuck me up I ain't swinging so go at it."

I inhale, move my hands up around that torso, putting my face in that chest, closing my eyes, feeling my eyes really get watery at how good he smells, and say, "Please, please, please Huey, I'm okay, please, let's go, please."

I inhale, feeling myself shaking, not knowing why, maybe because I heard the bell ring, I can hear the people walking towards us, and I don't want him getting in trouble, feeling those arms going around me.

I exhale, feel him turn me, and I feel that arm staying on my shoulders as we're walking away. I keep my face in that chest, knowing I am brave, I'm strong, but this week maybe has just been a little too much, remembering what my sister told me last night after Huey and Riley left about what Riley did to Derek, what Ming and Lauren said Caesar and Hiro did to those jerks, how hard that was for the guys no matter what they say because they're all really nice guys, really nice guys that had to deal with crazy, dumb people, or maybe people that are still just lost. I feel that kiss on my head, exhale, feeling my small smile, and put my face in that neck, knowing he's leaning down, so I can smell him, maybe because he knows I need that this week, because he's Huey Freeman, doesn't think about himself, what he went through, is not selfish, not even a little, and I feel my smile.

* * *

I feel her hug me tighter, making me smile, and hear her whisper, "Jazzy, it's just not okay that he's like that, even if I know you can take care of yourself, so maybe just tell Ms. Reed to move your seat or maybe just move out of our class. I mean I'm gonna miss you but I don't want you there with him doing that and then Michelle."

I exhale, hug her back, nod, and say, "I don't wanna deal with them either Adie but I really like Ms. Reed's class and I know I can probably switch to another class if I ask in the front office and I think Ms. Reed would probably just let me read anything she's letting you all read but I wouldn't be in class talking to all of you about what we're reading and you, Johnny, Kenzie, you all teach me so much and I would miss that."

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "I can call you during group activities and put you on speaker."

I start laughing, hearing her laugh, feel her let go of me, and see her wiping the tears from her eyes from that good laugh, hoping we're still being quiet enough. I see her smile and she says, "And I would miss your hair style advise too much and I know Johnny would miss it to."

I start laughing harder and hear someone say, "Miss."

I close my mouth, look over at the lady behind the counter on the other side of the wooden rail, and say, "I'm sorry ma'am."

I see her roll her eyes, feeling my eyebrow rise at her being that rude, and hear Adah say, "I think she was looking at Huey when we walked in."

I exhale, feel my smirk, and grab my mocha. I taste how good it is, knowing it's mine, put it down, feeling my ring move a little with it, and say, "He's loyal."

I hear her start laughing, see that lady look over at Adah, then look at me, exhale rolling her eyes again, and look away.

I shake my head, look back at Adah, seeing her smirk, feeling my smirk, and say, "And really about Ms. Reed's class I'm just happy and I don't need to move out of her class or move seats because anything they do I'm just gonna have to figure out and with you and Johnny and now Kenzie and all my other friends and Huey in my other classes I can handle it, and nothing they ever do will be scarier than other stuff, as long as they don't mess with my sister and friends, if not, I might end up getting in another fight at school one day."

I see her start laughing, feeling my smile, hear that lady tell us to be quiet, and hear the coffee shop lady, Ms. Laura she said her name is say, "Now Ms. Woodrow you're much too busy to be bothering with these two young girls that are on this side of the bookstore or at least that's what the big stack of books behind you that probably need to be put back on those shelves is telling me."

I look over at Ms. Laura, smile at her, see her smile at us, and hear someone say, "Thought it was you."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over, and see a guy, I think a student at our school, standing in front of Adah, looking at her.

I look over at Adah, see her looking up at that guy with those two cute buns and that dark brown baby hair coming out in the front, and she says, "Oh, hi Ethan."

I look over at that guy, not remembering her talking about him when we were talking about school right now, see him smiling at her, and he says, "So are you two here just hanging out?"

I hear Adah say, "Well, yeah, but we're also hanging out with our boyfriends."

I see him exhale, see him nod, and he says, "So he's here?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, taking another sip of my mocha, and hear Adah say, "Yeah, I think he's probably in the history section again since he likes going through those books a lot. Why? Do you want me to call him over? I'm sure he can probably answer any questions you have about the club and the changes we were talking about if you," and he cuts her off saying, "Adah I just."

I see him stop, see him exhale, swallowing that mocha, thinking about kissing those soft lips that are probably in the political science section again, and that guy says, "I just want to talk to you, when we're not in the club, just to talk, like getting something to eat or going to the park or maybe going to the synagogue together, you know, where I see your parents."

I hear that inhale, look over at Adah, see her exhale, feeling my smirk as I take another drink, and she says, "Ethan, no. I know you want to hang out like more than friends hang out, like a date, and I have a boyfriend, and I don't know why you have to say it like that, like where my parents go to pray is a place to hang out, when it's where they pray, not a place to just hang out, and even if I haven't converted I am trying to learn about my boyfriend's beliefs so," and he cuts her off saying, "But Adah you wouldn't have to with me. I mean even if we don't know a lot about each other, we were raised the same, going to pray at our synagogue, knowing the days we need to celebrate and stay home, and just the ways our families are, so just go on a date with me, let me introduce you to my parents, show you how much easier it's gonna be with me and my family and how much my parents will like you because you're Jewish and smart and so," and I hear Adah say, "And I have a boyfriend that I really like, really, a lot, so leave me alone."

I put my mocha down, see that guy exhale looking at Adah, and he says, "You were nicer last semester, now you're, you're."

I see him stop, feel my eyebrow rise, grab my cup again, see him inhale, I think looking at Adah's hair, and he says, "Even better."

I swallow my drink and hear a voice say, "Ethan."

I look over, putting my cup down, and see Johnny standing behind Adah, looking really annoyed I think, almost mad. I hear that chair move, look over to my right, see him putting those three books down on the small table feeling my smirk, and feel him put that hand on my leg, feeling my cheeks getting red, knowing the small table is not going to cover us.

And I hear that guy say, "Yeah."

I look over at them, see Johnny with those glasses he sometimes still wears, I think really for Adah, which is super cute, see Johnny exhale, and hear Adah say, "I told you Ethan, we're here with our boyfriends, boyfriends that respect couples and are not mean, just nice guys, and we'll see you hopefully on Monday or whenever you show up to the club where my boyfriend says everyone can show up if they wanna learn about the bible."

I see that guy look down at Adah, see him exhale, and hear Johnny say, "Is there anything I can help you with since my girlfriend just told you to leave?"

I see that guy look up at Johnny, see him inhale, looking mad, feeling my mouth open, and hear that monotone voice say, "I believe if there is some kind of fight at a public place like this one the police will be here faster than anyone can leave, considering how close the police station is, they will also ask people if they saw anything, who they saw approach who, and based on that there could be legal repercussions which will outlast any physical wounds inflicted by an adversary with even some fighting capability or willingness for it."

I look over at him, see those burgundies looking at those books on the table, feeling my smile, knowing I'm so kissing that boy later, and hear that guy say, "I'll see you Monday Adah."

I hear that inhale, look over at Johnny, see him standing there, watching that guy walking away I think, holding on to Adah's chair with her hand over his, and see him exhale.

I hear Adah tell Johnny to sit down and that everything's okay, see him look down, move the chair next to Adah back, sit down, and slump down, putting his books on the table. I exhale. Poor Johnny who's such a nice guy and has to deal with that guy.

And I see Adah kiss Johnny on his cheek, hearing her tell him he's her knight in shining armor, and giggle, seeing Johnny smirk with his blush looking at the table.

I hear that exhale, put my head on that shoulder, look down at those books, feeling my smirk, and say, "So Star Wars, Muhammad Ali, and Islam Huey?"

I feel that squeeze on my leg and say, "No I'm not saying anything against it. I know it's been a while since I saw you read any of your books on Muhammad Ali, books I know you've read a few times, and I know the first three Star Wars movies are some of your favorite, but Islam again? I mean you're really reading a lot about it. Should I read a little about it and maybe we can even talk about it later?"

I look over at him, see him looking at me with that half smile, exhale at that smile he has, and he says, "It depends of course. It's a heavy subject but you can read some of my earlier books since this one deals with the historical aspect more so than the religious practice."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Johnny, see him looking down at his books, and I look down and feel my eyes open seeing that one really big book on the three religions that changed the world.

I look up at Johnny, see him smirk at me, and he says, "I still want to learn more about the history, you know, of all religions, and I'm thinking I'll use this book for our class so when we finish tests or quizzes I have something to read."

I start laughing at how cute they are, both of them getting books on the history of religions, hearing Adah laughing, and hear a voice say, "I said to be quiet."

I exhale, close my eyes, hearing Johnny telling Adah something I think, and hear that monotone voice say, "Let's go."

I open my eyes looking over at him, see him standing up, and say, "But Huey, do you mean home already since we were only gonna come here?"

I see him pick up the book I got, feeling my cheeks getting warm, see him look at me, and I look away and say, "I know, I know you have I think two of them but I don't and it's all three books, Booker T. Washington's biography, that one book by W.E.B DuBois you were reading that looked really, really interesting, and another story from another writer I didn't know about, James Weldon Johnson, all in one book. So, I just thought I'd have all three books in one so I can have all of them all the time and you know I like writing in my books when I find words I don't know so I wanted to buy this for me so I can write in it when I'm reading it."

I exhale, feeling my face so red because I don't want him to think I'm getting this three-in-one book because I saw him reading two of the books but because I really liked the little bit of one I read when he was reading it, that one by that writer W.E.B DuBois, and I want to read it, and I even get to read those other two and I just, and feel those hands turn my face, see that face, and feel him kiss me.

I inhale kissing him back, feel him move away, open my eyes, and see that complete smile, that Huey Freeman smile, adding it to the list, only seeing that smile, and he says, "That Jazmine head. I know. Whereas I like to keep them pristine you like writing in your books, some sort of an accomplishment of yours, possibly to make them yours, and the reason you don't want to borrow my books. And we're going to the movies."

I feel my mouth open, see him look down at my lips I think, blink, and say, "But, what movie? There aren't any movies that you," and I feel him kiss me again, longer, thinking about how much I like this part, kissing him, feel him move away, open my eyes, see him blink with that half smile, and he says, "Whichever one Johnny and Adah want to watch is fine."

I exhale, feeling my smile, and whisper, "Okay bestie."

Then I hear Adah say, "But first we need to pay for these books with that lady that has to be in her twenties and is still looking over here."

I exhale, see that beautiful eyebrow rise, and he says, "Who?"

And I can't help and start laughing, hearing Adah laughing, not carrying that that lady is telling us to be quiet.

* * *

Fuck. I exhale, trying to relax, push up more, feeling those breasts press on my chest, see those eyes blink, and hear her say she wants more.

I inhale, push up again seeing those eyes water, feeling the shaking, that tightness, and say, "Jazzy, I can't move."

I smell that breath, smelling that taste she taste like, go down kissing her, feeling those hands let go of me, feeling them move up, those small nails moving over my chest, feeling those breasts move up, away from me, that tightness around the midsection of my dick moving away, feeling my exhale, and feel those long arms going around my shoulders, hugging me. I feel those arms pull me in, feel those breasts move back down, that tightness going back down to my midsection again, moving down like that, like she wants it. Shit.

I inhale, trying to relax as to not push up, feeling her moving down, tasting those lips, feeling those small teeth biting my lip, remembering there was the taste of blood last time, not caring if there is again, feeling that tightness going further down, further, hearing her say she loves me, it feels better, so much better this time, that I'm beautiful and I'll never see it, see girls but don't see them, see color but don't see it, and she wants all of me, feeling that tightness reach my base. Fuck.

I move back, out of that warmth, hearing her say my name, covering that mouth, hearing her moan that she wants me again, moving back in, feeling that warm tightness, if that's what it is, that strength behind her holding me like she does with that hand when she wants to, every time she wants to, but with both hands holding me, covering me completely, as I push myself back in, feeling those nails go into my shoulders possibly.

And moving back into that tightness I feel those thighs move up, letting me go in further, and stop, feeling the shaking.

I open my eyes, see her looking up at me, see those eyes, that dark Egyptian green, the lighter shade she has at ten in the morning, and right now a dark shade of it. Damn.

I see that smile, possibly knowing she needs to help me relax if not I'm not going to fucken last, feel her move those thighs back down, feeling her push me back just enough to relax, and she says, "I'm sorry, I know it's a lot, but it feels so good."

I go back down, into that mouth, pushing myself back into her, feeling those thighs holding me back, those strong thighs she has from her training or from her African lineage, feeling those small feet over my legs, feeling how good, how damn perfect she feels under me, knowing I was wrong, continue to be wrong about her, I do, about there being no better feeling in the world than what I know, about what is true about this world, not just what we can change, but about possibly, maybe the truth about god, whether there is one, the reason if I were to consistently and not just periodically as I did when I was younger practice any religion it would be the one that believes in Allah, because it emphasizes the belief in one god with some historical accuracy, has openly welcomed us, blacks, browns all over the world, comes from the lands our ancestors were born and wanted to stay in, not come here to die and possibly, if I believed in an afterlife such as heaven or hell, watch the generations after them suffer in the way we do, dying quickly or slowly behind bars, being stripped of our humanity for this world, or if lucky enough, dying in our sixties from heart disease not because of some biological difference between us and whites but because we suffer from stress, lack of finances to eat well, sleep well, live healthier lives, and die at sixty five, before we can cash in on that retirement from a government we were never going to, and I hear her say she loves me, she loves that ring, and she wants more of me.

I push myself back into her, not caring how long this last or the fact that another reason, less religious and more practical, that I would consider that religion to be the one suited for me is that a person does not have to be born into it to be considered true to it as it is with Judaism and unlike Christianity, it emphasizes unions, whether that's marriage or some other kind, seeing it as a service to god, over the emphasize, the importance, the need, almost enough the ostracize those that do not follow it, of the ridiculousness that is celibacy until marriage.

And I feel those nails digging further into my back, hearing her say she's coming again and again, knowing right now there is a god, one possibly she believes in, I'm still learning myself about, doesn't care about ridiculous outdated practices, and wants me to push myself further up, feeling those thighs move up, letting me go in again, further, feeling my eyes in the back of my head, being in that place she lets me go into, that meditative place, where I train some, where there's some fun because of her now, where there is no god but Allah. Fuck. And hear myself say it again, "God baby! Fuck!"

I feel my toes curl with the release of what's left in me from tonight, biting down on that soft skin, tasting that blood, possibly, lapping at it, wanting to have more of it, feeling myself shaking, that dehydration, hearing those small slow breaths next to my ear, and feeling those kisses on my ear.

I bring my arms down and around, hugging what's mine, feeling those long arms over my shoulders, those breasts press on me again, feeling myself twitch, knowing there isn't anything left and I need to calm the fuck down.

I hear those slow breaths slowing down more, feeling that oxygen going into those lungs under me, feeling those kisses on my ear stop, those nails coming out of my skin, those legs moving down, feeling myself exhale possibly longer than I have all week, and hear her say, "I really, really like when you call me that bestie."

I put my face in that neck, kissing it, possibly marking her more, hearing her moan, and say, "That Jazmine head. I know. But if you tell anyone, including your friends, I'll have to kill you."

I feel that tongue go up my earlobe, feeling that fucking twitch, and say, "Jazzy, you need to stop before," and feel those legs going up, those hips going back down on the bed, pulling me down into her, feeling that hardness start, knowing that's not scientifically possibly because I just fucken came but ejaculating, releasing for the most part has little, if anything to do with getting hard. Fuck. But there still isn't anything left after, and I hear her whisper, "Hueyyy."

I feel that hardness, hearing her say my name like that, something I believe she only said once before, before we got this close, before she let me have her like this, and hear her whisper, "I promise to tell no one, not one person, just like your birthday, their middle names, and how romantic you are, but after this week of crazy, dumb people, how much you took care of me and I know I'm gonna keep taking care of you, and feeling how hard you are again I wanna be selfish and want more of you, so put on another condom, please."

I bite that neck, hearing her moan my name, and say the selfish truth, "I will never get tired of hearing you say that and I want that to."

I start pulling out slowly, feeling her shaking, possibly myself shaking, knowing I do need to put on another condom, and we can deal with any and everything else I am tired of, including what she calls dumb, crazy people and I call fucken idiots, next week.

* * *

Hi everyone! I like reviews. They make me happy. But either way, I'm happy if anyone's reading this story. I'll continue on with this story no matter what.

Thank you all for your support. It's 3:51 AM….again LOL.

-Bulma's Ego.


	41. The 'j' word

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Aaron McGruder owns it all. If I did, Huey would be POTUS.

Reviews:

LavenderLuvER18: I swear I rested, just like Leonard swore in the chicken flu episode that he didn't give Tom no chicken, just buffalo cuz that's where buffalo wings come from LOL. No, but in all honesty I did rest some. Now I'm just working and writing. And yes I loved the fact that the boys did get to beat the shit outta those assholes. And no worries chick, I gots you on this one with the girlies hanging out 😊. Please let me know what you think Luv.

dannyphantomlover7: Thanks Danny. I do appreciate your review and I am happy you notice the development or at least what I'm trying to develop here I guess LOL. Thank you.

GREENPEACE1990: Yeah Zackary needs some'ng, like some therapy or some shit, maybe a good ass whopping in my humble opinion LOL. Oh god and yes Cairo needs to get beat but it's tricky with him right. Shit. We'll see. And thank you for your review.

ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER: Since my only disclaimer has been how I own nothing, specifically The Boondocks, I should also add this note – _To 'Joy My Freedom_ is written by Tera W. Hunter. I am not copying and posting the entirety of this book here, just using it as a book being read in a high school class, using sentences or some paragraphs, but I am not selling the book or trying to take from the writer's amazing work nor am I getting paid for this, so really, I ain't getting jack shit but my personal happiness, which I should not get sued for and should not get taxed on as some kind of profit, specially cuz I'm poor.

So again, that's me kind of (not correctly but nonetheless) crediting the author of this book as it should be done when using someone else's work. Furthermore, thank you Professor Hunter (not miss or misses, but professor, if not Dr. Tera W. Hunter, because women deserve to be acknowledged for their titles) for this insightful book on the lives of African American women, black women, women of color after the splendid failure that was reconstruction (W.E.B. Du Bois).

And here we go.

CHAPTER 41

* * *

I put my head on that shoulder, hearing her exhale, and hear her say, "Ain't ever think I'd feel better 'bout that fool over his fucken friend."

I exhale, kiss that shoulder, put my head back on it, and say, "Same sis even if I know he still looks at you."

I hear that tongue click against her cheek, making me laugh, and hear her say, "Yeah, but ma man is just too fucken hot to give a fuck."

I laugh, hearing her snicker, and say, "How are you and your boyfriend sissy? Everything okay?"

I hear her giggle this time, making me smile.

I put my arms around her waist and hear her say, "You means how your sis and brother doing having sex with each other?"

Oh my god. I squeeze her and put my forehead on her shoulder, hearing that sweet deep laugh I love, and hear her say, "Damn sis you be fucken strong now."

I laugh and exhale, thinking I'm not that strong, specially because of what happened on Friday.

I hear that exhale from her and hear her say, "Don't be thinking 'bout that Jazzy boo. That fool's a guy and I been 'round guys more than girls most my life, 'least before you and mama, and I knows, no matter what I say, guys, you know cuz they start balling, getting into sports where they fuck up each other, and just start being rough as fuck, that they just get built like that, stronger sometimes. I means it ain't that we ain't strong just that we ain't pushed into cool shit like that, sports, football, my first love, just told since we little that we gotta play with fucken dolls and wear dresses and all that shit that sometimes, just sometimes, we ain't into that. I mean sometimes we do put that shit on and it makes us feel 'pretty' and whatnot but most times we just wanna be in dirty ass pants and a t-shirt so we can hide our shorts under that shit and hit up our ride or die to meet up for a game, and a dress gonna get in the fucken way, so we gotta have shorts under that shit to run out when those fuckers too busy with their dumbass 'societes or business people or whatever, and then."

I hear that exhale, letting go of her just a little, kiss that shoulder, putting my head back on it, and hear her say quieter, "And then, we get there, where he at, at the courts, see him all alone and shit, just shooting that ball, not being himself, not talking to no one, not even those girls that be looking at him, just standing there, shooting that ball, looking at that hoop but ain't really looking at it, just shooting, walking up, grabbing that ball, stepping back, shooting, walking up, grabbing that ball, stepping back, over and over, but he ain't really there, he's you know, somewhere else. Then."

I hear that exhale from her longer, open my eyes, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing him looking over here, and hear her say, "And then, you walk up to his ass, he see you, and just looks at you, and smiles, just fucken smiles, like whatever he thinking of right now ain't matter one damn bit cuz you showed up. And then."

I see him exhale, looking at my sister, roll my eyes at him, and hear her say, "And then, he throws you the ball and says your ass took too long and he 'bout to leave but he'll stay for a while cuz he knows you probably need a good game after dealing with those fucked up parentals, and then you play. And you play. And you keep playing. 'Til you damn forget why the fuck you felt all fucked up when you got there, what's waiting at that house when you go back, cuz all you see is how fast he is, how light you feel cuz you just as fast, if not faster sometimes, and then he does some dumb shit, like puts his arms 'round you saying he was trying to take the ball when you know he ain't have to put his arms 'round you like that to grab the ball, but there he fucken is again, hugging you like that, when you's supposed to be playing a fucken game, and he hugging you from behind, like you two more than homies, and you remember how strong that fucker is cuz you tellin' him to let go and he saying to make him and you getting all fucken red cuz you know when you get pissed you get all fucken red like that, and then you can't fucken help but to smell his ass and you thinking why the fuck you smelling him when he's your ride or die and why the fuck he holding you like that and why the fuck you like it so much when you're trying to see what's up with Nikita not with your ride or die. Fuck. And then you remember how fucken strong that kid got in last few years, and you trying to figure out why you like it so much, and you just keep thinking it ain't that you like it it's just that it ain't fair that he's stronger just cuz when he was balling every fucken day I had to be at them dumbass parties and clubs with that hoe when I shoulda been balling with him or just throwing a fucken ball anywhere but not at no lame ass fucken club, but I had to be there cuz I'm a fucken girl and I gotta dress up like that every damn day when I'm only cool dressing like that maybe like once a month, alone, in ma room in front of the mirror, but rest of the time I wanna be out there, getting faster, stronger, smarter on the court, like my ride or die that got to do that, got that head start only cuz he's a guy, and that's why he a little stronger, maybe little more than little, but that's why he's stronger, that's why guys sometimes stronger than us Jazzy, cuz they got a head start on that shit, so don't be thinking 'bout that Jazzy boo, don't, cuz he was probably stronger, been getting roughed up like most guys since they're little, so he just gonna be stronger in some ways and he fucken took advantage of that shit, holding you like that that day when I knows you don't like no one touching you like that ever 'less it's me or our mama or anyone that really loves you, 'kay?"

I exhale and see him looking over here after giving that girl change, a girl that I think was trying to talk to him but he didn't even look at her, just kept looking over here, even though I know my sister isn't looking at him because she started facing the balcony a few minutes ago, but knowing she is the prettiest and strongest girl I know.

I feel my smile remember everything she just said, even if she is the strongest girl I know, C-Murder, and doesn't like people knowing how squishy her insides are, and say, "Did you just say Riley was using games to hug you and you were using them to smell him when you were only best friends?"

I feel her exhale, see him cleaning around the register, thinking he did that five minutes ago, and hear her say, "Yeah boo."

I start laughing and put my face in that braid, that hair I love, that fun and sunshine she is, hearing her laughing.

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "And now can't wait 'til Saturdays when I get to have him and we both don't let people that ain't our favorites come through for calls, cuz if it ain't you or McHater or family or our friends, we ain't taking those calls, we just kinda wanna be alone."

I exhale, hugging her, smelling that lotion, and say, "Same sis."

I feel her move, feeling her move down a little, and hear her whisper, "Yeah, now we gets to, you know."

I feel her move down a little more, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear her say even quieter, "Not just ball but be together, even if we don't call it that, but I feel it, we making love, and I 'on't know, it feels like shit's finally complete, and I just don't want no one fucking that up, and that means, cuz I knows you happy to sissy, that that fucker can't do that shit, make you feel like that, way he did this week and I can't believe you didn't tell me sis but I knows you probably didn't wanna stress out no one with everything going down but still you gotta tell us so we ain't even waving at his ass. Shit, we should be throwing shit at him when he comes 'round way he was acting with you, not just with Riles, but you sis, all that shit he said to you, and I just, I 'on't know, I just feel like fucking him up."

I hug her, putting my face in that hair more, smelling that coconut lotion, and say, "No sis. Just stay away from him. And I don't care, at least I'm not gonna let it get to me. He said all those things, did those things, and then said all of that on Friday about how hard he had it back then and I just."

I feel her exhale, feel those hands on my arm, and hear her say, "I knows Jazzy, I know cuz I'm thinking 'bout that shit he tol' you to, and I think I'm thinking 'bout it cuz you rubbing off on me but I knows why you not mad, you think he's just all fucked up cuz of Chi-Town, whoever the fuck calling him from there, but that's why you gotta stay 'way from him, cuz you think you see some'ng there, some'ng showing he ain't that bad, thinking 'bout what he said 'bout how bad he had it back then, how fucked up he still is cuz of that, and then you'll let him get close again, start being Jazzy with him, helping him, and then he'll think he got you and I 'on't know, maybe do some'ng stupid like be an asshole again and make you feel fucked up 'bout shit that ain't true, or he'll just start thinking cuz you being nice to him again he got you and he thinks some'ng there that ain't there. I 'on't know, just sounds fucken hard to me, any way you slice that shit, so I'ma just say he was a fucken dick this week, made you feel fucked up, then gave you some story 'bout how hard he had it in Chi-Town thinking that makes shit alright, like just cuz he had it hard back then he can be an asshole to you now, after you were being cool with him, nice. Shit, no matter what, he fucked up, and I won't throw nothing at him cuz you won't be alright with that but he better know we ain't cool."

I exhale and say, "I love you and you're my everything."

I feel her move, feel her hug me with her head on my shoulder, and hear her say, "And you my every everything and my big sister." I feel her hug me so tight, feel how safe I think I'm always going to feel in her arms hoping she feels like that with me because she's my little sister, and then I feel another set of arms on each one of our sides, and smell that vanilla and lavender lotion.

I start laughing, hearing that sweet deep laugh, feeling so safe and happy no matter what happened this week, and hear Ming say, "You letting us fuck him up Jazzy?"

I hear us all laughing and hear Lauren say, "He is an estúpido Jazzy, a crazy mean estúpido, so we can put him on the list right?"

Oh my god. I start laughing harder, hearing us all laughing, and know, for sure, no matter what happened, what things happen later, things always, will always work out because Black Jesus is always going to be watching.

Then I hear a voice say, "Okay I'ma jump in."

I hear us all laughing, feeling us going down a little more, and hear another voice say, "You'll ain't leaving us out, come on Kenzie."

Oh Black Jesus. I feel us go down more, feeling that extra weight, hearing the laughing of all of us, and hear a voice say, "You'll know you gonna break them two under you?"

I roll my eyes, feel us all let go, and look over my sister's head where I heard that voice coming from. And I see Dewey in that white collar shirt and that apron from the arcade.

I see him smirk, see him sit down in front of us, and hear the other seats move.

After everyone's finally sitting down, passing around the smoothies the girls brought back for us while we took care of the bags of clothes so they wouldn't be walking around with them, I look up at him and ask, "So how is it, you know, working there?"

I see him look up with those glasses thinking Dewey kind of looks better with those glasses, see him smirk, and he says, "Better than I thought. Ain't great but pays alright and it's easy work, can even do homework and shit when they let me."

I hear Lily say, "But the question is if you play for free."

I hear the snickers, see Dewey look over at her, see him exhale with his smirk, possibly smile, and he says, "Yeah they let me, can get five dollars in quarters every time I work but I never do cuz I 'on't really like those games."

I hear Lily say, "Great. We got a brother who thinks he better than the old games and like 'em newer ones, the ones that you can only play on Xbox and shit."

I hear Lily exhale, feeling my smirk, and look over at her. I see her looking at her phone and hear Dewey say, "What you know 'bout games kid? Real ones are on the Super but you wouldn't know 'bout that, probably only have a PlayStation."

I feel my lips purse seeing Lily look up, looking kind of mad, hearing the snickers again, and she says, "Boy, first of all, don't be calling me kid, I ain't no kid, my cous just few months older than me, and second, I know 'bout real games, and no I don't do PlayStation or super, I do NES and only NES, but you wouldn't know 'bout that cuz you think cuz you played some games on the Super you know something about games, probably call it retro games to when really they're just the only good games that ever came out, and why a minute ago just outbid someone on eBay for the last game needed to get all my black box games. Shit. Most expensive one to that I couldn't find at no game stores, had to go on eBay."

I hear that inhale from Dewey and he says, "Don't know lotta girls that play those games."

I see Lily's eyebrow rise, exhale at her pretty short dreads, and she says, "Wells I do, so now you know they do and they don't like being called kid, alright."

I hear the snickers getting louder and hear Dewey say, "How'd you get into playing them?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, taking a drink of my cabbage and berry purple smoothie, hearing my sister and friends taking those drinks, I think all of us watching Dewey and Lily talk.

I see Lily exhale and she says, "Wells, I played 'em when I was a kid with my cousins, then I left it behind because I thought I grew out of it, got into other stuff, a lot of school stuff like my drill team, and then I just needed to kind of."

I see Lily inhale with her pursed lips, see Lena hug her from behind, feeling my smile feeling my sister putting her head on my shoulder, and hear Lily say, "Kind of not think 'bout other stuff for a minute and remembered I hadn't played it in a while and got into it again, just these last few months really. My cousins even started me off on some of my collection and I don't know, just felt good to play them, kinda like when I play I get to just play and not think about stuff."

I hear Dewey exhale, look back at him, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Get it."

I feel my eyebrow rise, taking that drink not really knowing what's happening, and hear Ming say, "Lily girl 'bout that last game you bought on eBay, which one was it?"

I look over at Ming, see her looking at her phone, looking focused at something, and hear Lily say, "Mario Brothers arcade, got it for a good price to, last bid was one twenty five but I outbid at the last minute for another dollar. Why?"

I see Ming close her eyes, see her head go down, and hear her say, "Shit. I was trying to bid on that one and thought I had it when I made a bigger bid this morning. Damn."

I go over, putting my hand on her back, patting her, and say, "It's okay Mimi, you can get him something else. We'll go around the mall or maybe go to that game store two blocks down and see if they have any cool games."

I see her exhale, see her nod, and hear Lily say, "Wait, didn't know you were bidding on it and I didn't know you were a real gamer. Shit, we gotta play sometime. I'll bring it over and we can play it on your NES."

I exhale, feeling my small smile, see Ming look up with her smirk, looking at Lily, and she says, "I ain't a gamer Lily, my man is, so why don't you come play with us sometime and you'll can talk 'bout those games? I'm only learning now 'bout them, how many damn games they made for the super and the NES but he knows all 'bout them."

I hear Lily say, "Wait, so you were getting it for your man?"

I see Ming nod with her smirk and she says, "Yeah but no worries. I can get him something else. His birthday ain't coming up for a while and I'm just shopping early and shit cuz way he is it's hard to shop for him, so don't worry about it but if you really do know that much 'bout playing those games we gotta bring you over and you can back up my man when everyone gangs up on him 'bout the newer games being better."

I hear the laughing and hear my sister say, "Wells you knows I'm an Xbox player through and through, even though those old games be hella hard sometimes, like that shit ma sis can do with getting those hundred lives on that game. I'ma just keep giving her the controller when we play that Mario game, every damn time."

I hear the laughing louder, feeling happy, put my head back on her shoulder, and hear a beep.

I look up, see Dewey exhale looking at his phone, and he says, "Alright, gotta head back, but if you'll gonna be around for a while, you know until they close, try to just hang out here for your rides, but if you gotta leave let me know and I'll walk you'll out cuz that parking lot can get creepy, and if you wanna use up those five dollars for me just come see me and I'll give you'll the quarters."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, not knowing why I actually like Dewey a lot more now but maybe because he's actually nice, just still looks at my sister but makes sure to stay away from her.

I see him look up at me with his smirk and he says, "And thanks Jazmine. Only got this job cuz I called like you said, found out they get like twenty applications a day and they get lost, so thanks."

I feel my smile and nod.

And I see him exhale and he says, "And just um."

I see him inhale, see him look back down at his phone, and see his eyebrow rise.

I see him look back up at me and he says, "Just so you know, I ain't alright with that shit, even if I'm still cool with him, and I told him, cuz he shows up when I'm working to just hang out, to not be showing up today."

I exhale, see him nod, looking kind of sad, almost like he feels bad for me, and he says, "A'ight, remember if you'll want those quarters just come look for me."

I hear us all thank him, see him get up, and see him start walking back to the arcade where he works now.

Then I hear a voice say, "Am I the only one that saw what happened there with Dewey and Lily?"

I look over at Lauren, see that pretty raised eyebrow, and start laughing with them.

After that good laugh I hear Lily say, "Nah, I ain't looking to meet people so it doesn't matter. And Jeannie said I need to just, you know, hang out with my friends and my mom for a little. And I'm cool with that, just being happy with my cous, my friends, and my mom right now, don't want anything else."

I exhale, remembering her talking about her therapist to us, Jeannie, how much she likes her, and I look over at her. I see her smile at Lauren I think, see her bend down, kiss Lena's head, feeling my small smile, and hear a voice say, "I think I'm gonna tell my parents I want a sister."

I look over at Mackenzie, see her looking at the table with a serious look, and start laughing, I think hearing not just our friends but other people in the food court laughing.

I see her look up at us, see her smile, and she says, "Well I guess it's a little too late because I'll be way older than her, and my parents did say they don't want any more kids, and I do get to have all of you and my other friends at school and ask for advice on what to do about Gerardo."

I can't help it and start giggling, seeing Mackenzie blush like that.

I see her smile, putting her long blonde hair behind her ear, and hear Lily say, "So who's Gerardo?"

I see Mackenzie look at Lily with her smile and she says, "So he's this guy that goes to Newberry High, and he came to our school on Friday, and he's really nice and," and I hear Lily cut her off saying, "Wait, I go to Newberry and do you mean Gerardo Del Rey?"

I see Mackenzie's chocolate brown eyes open and she says, "Yeah, that's what he said his last name is? Do you know him?"

I look over at Lily, see her smirk, and she says, "Yeah, he's cool and hangs out with his cousins I think but he kinda goes from group to group, cool with everyone, think cuz he tries to keep his cousins outta trouble cuz I seen them all ditching and even starting fights with other groups but when he's there I don't hear from them, like they're just quiet, you know, ain't making trouble."

I hear that exhale, look over at Mackenzie, and see her blushing looking at the table, feeling my smile.

And I hear that sweet deep voice I love say, "Damn girl you got it hard."

I see Mackenzie giggle, see her nod, hearing us exhale I think happy for her, and she says, "Well he's really nice and we talked for a little after my church class yesterday and he said he wanted to take me out to eat somewhere and I told him I'd let him know."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "So you're waiting to talk to your mom about it before you go on a date?"

I see those chocolate brown eyes look up, see her exhale with purse lips, and she says, "No it's just that I don't."

I see her stop, see her look over I think at that table where I saw guys from our school looking over here, and she says, "It's just that when guys were talking to me a lot of them I didn't know until later were talking to other girls at the same time, some were even, you know, going on dates with other girls, and when I would tell some people that used to be my friends they would tell me that's just how guys are and it's okay and I have to stop waiting for a nice guy because they always have girlfriends or just aren't at our school, so I kinda just stopped thinking there were nice guys at our school, and that's why I think I was a little okay with how some of those guys stopped talking to me after I stopped wearing those blue contacts. I guess I just thought that if guys were really like that then I didn't really wanna talk to them either and now."

I see her exhale, looking down at the table again, and she says, "Now I meet this nice guy that I think likes me, said he wanted to meet my parents the day he takes me on a date, and my mom and dad really liked that about him when I told them last night, and I don't know, I just kind of think he's gonna end up lying like those guys, not being a nice guy, telling me they like me, and then I find out they're going on dates with other girls, girls that don't go to church every Sunday, that don't go to church class on Saturday right after visiting their nana, that wanna be at home with their family mostly every day, maybe just wanna talk on the phone on weekdays before having dinner with their family, me, me that can only go out with guys on weekends and only after church and if I'm not with my family. I just, I don't know, I just sometimes think Michelle was right and there aren't any nice guys at school or even outside of our school that don't have girlfriends and are gonna be okay with all of that and she was right that I have to stop thinking some stupid prince is going to wanna be my boyfriend because I'm not a stupid princess just because my papa was from the palace and I have to grow up."

I feel my mouth open and hear us all say Michelle's so so dumb, she's a stupid jealous bitch, a dumb jealous hoe'sh bitch, and a bunch of other things, all at the same time.

And I hear us all start laughing, hearing I think other people outside our table laughing to.

I exhale, see Mackenzie smile looking at the table, and hear Lily say, "Wells I don't know 'bout that girl but she sounds like a dumb bitch and she only said prince so I think you might still get what you want cuz of what I think Gerardo's last name means."

I see Mackenzie look up with those eyes at Lily, see that confused look, and hear Lauren say, "Del Rey means 'from the king' in Spanish."

I see Mackenzie look at Lauren with her mouth open and get so red and I can't help but start laughing.

I hear the exhales from all of us after that laugh and hear Lily say, "Yeah I don't know Spanish even though they made me take Spanish one last year, just watched a bunch of Zorro movies in class, but I know his last name means king because the Spanish girls at my school call him king and he gets really annoyed I been told but I think it's because he probably doesn't know it's because those girls probably like him and he doesn't even pay attention to girls, I think because he's too busy taking care of his cousins, and."

I hear Lily stop, look over at her, see her looking down at her drink, focused I think, and she says, "Yeah I know that's him cuz of those girls calling him that when I'm walking down that hallway in the morning. And, remembering that hallway where the Spanish kids hang out, I don't think I've ever seen him talking to girls even there, so I don't think he's like the guys that tried talking to you at your school, you know, the ones that talk to a bunch of girls, but I think that's all I really know about him. Just that he's cool, I think everyone likes him, and he's too busy taking care of like ten of his cousins that go to my school, where he gets annoyed when girls try flirting with him calling him king or whatever. I don't know, maybe he just doesn't like flirty kind of girls, maybe just doesn't like them hoes, but he wants to meet your parents and take you on a date."

I hear Mackenzie inhale, look over at her, and see those watery chocolate eyes. Then I see her take out that pretty handkerchief from her pocket, put it over her nose, and hear her say, "I'm so happy I came today and," sniffle, "I'm gonna come when I'm not helping after church, every time, and," sniffle, "I really like this pretty handkerchief and," sniffle, "I should text him to tell him I can see him next weekend but then he'll text me right away and I don't know if that's a good thing, like he's just waiting," sniffle, "For me to text him and he'll text me in a minute I mean ," sniffle, "Is that even normal when a guy texts that fast, even though I like it?"

Oh my god. Black Jesus thank you. And I smile hearing the laughing.

Then I hear a voice say, "I think it's always good when they text you or call you really fast or just a lot, at least that's what my mom says."

I see Mackenzie look at Lauren with that handkerchief covering her nose and hear her say, "Why? They told me it's better if guys act like they don't like you because."

And I see Mackenzie stop, hear her exhale covering her nose, and she says, "And she was wrong and I'm not gonna think about what she said and I wanna know why your mom says that."

I feel my smile and hear Lauren say, "Well, that's kind of a little bit of a long story and I can hear Cin bear's grumbling tummy so let's get food and then I'll tell you."

I hear that exhale from my sister and hear her say, "That's why you ain't get tickled yet Laurie butt but that shit's still happening and I'ma go get pizza and we all meet here."

I exhale, feeling so happy right now for so many reasons, kiss that soft blonde head, and nod.

After my sister and Ming getting pizza, Lauren and Mackenzie getting Chinese, Lena and Lily getting a turkey sandwich they wanted to split between them because it was so big, and me getting my lentil soup from Barcote that I'm finally going to eat a whole bowl of, I put that spoon in my mouth.

I close my eyes, tasting it, feeling something weird, kind of like someone is looking at me, remembering how much I liked this dish last time and now I get to eat it all, and hear myself say, "Black Jesus this is good."

I hear the laughing, open my eyes, and inhale, seeing him.

I exhale, look back down at my bowl, feeling that hand on my shoulder, put the spoon back into my bowl, and say, "He's not ruining our Sunday so let's eat, please."

I hear the exhales and hear Lily say, "I'ma guess that's the dick that guy Dewey was talking about and I know it's all of us and we can handle him but Jazzy you should call your man, you know, just cuz."

I swallow that really good soup, exhale, and say, "Huey and Caes are working on taking down one of the platforms today and they can only do that after they make sure they go through each comment, each chat, every person that asked for help, you know, making sure they got back to them, and if they didn't get back to them they need to open new chats to answer them on the other platforms, at least that's what I told them because if we don't answer all the questions, even the old ones that Huey and Caes couldn't get to because they were too busy trying to keep up with the new ones before Mimi and me started helping, then people will feel like the organizations don't work, that they don't care. So I know right now they're going through the really old chats and comments people left to make sure they were answered or they can open new chats for them on the other platforms, and then when we get home Mimi and me are gonna go through the new chats to see if anything new was talked about or even more important if any of those families commented on help they're not getting from the places we sent them to, and all of that, what Huey and Caes are doing right now is more important than Cairo, and I still wanna hear Laurie tell us about why her mom thinks it's good when guys text or call back really fast because that's more important to."

I take another spoon into my mouth and hear Lily say, "You wearing that bracelet for your work right?"

I look up, feel my smile seeing her smiling, remembering how much Lily and Lena look alike, and hear Lena say, "No cous only for rallies and protests with all that other hot shit I heard she got from her friends and sister, specially that red crochet crop top with Africa in the middle. Shit, her man is not gonna be happy with that."

I exhale, hearing the laughing, not looking up, not wanting to see him, standing there next to Dewey who I did see telling him he told him to not come and he's got a 'damn problem.'

I feel that hand squeeze my shoulder and hear my sister say, "A'ight Laurie butt make my sis stop thinking 'bout assholes and tell us 'bout that Puerto Rican princess living at your house you call mama and we call Miss sexiness."

Oh Black Jesus. I put my arms around her, laughing, hearing everyone laughing, and feel her hug me, hearing her whisper that she loves me and I need to focus on this.

I nod, let go, and look back at Lauren. I see that cute blush she has when my sister reminds her how pretty her mom is and she says, "Okay, so my mom says that it's a good thing when guys call a lot or really fast after you meet them because it shows that they really like you, that they're not trying to you know, just play games with you, and she found out about that when she met my dad."

I see her take a bite of her broccoli from her beef and broccoli dish, see her swallow with her small smile, and she says, "So, my mom met my dad at a salón, which is kind of like a regular club but my mom says people can go there to hang out with friends and have dinner and dance, and she said the only reason she was there that night was because she wanted to go out with her sister and friends who kept telling her to not think about this guy she was talking to."

I feel my eyebrow rise, tasting that really good soup, see Lauren take another bite of that beef, swallow, and she says, "So, my mom and my dad met that night and my mom says he was nice and she liked him but he looked a little older than her and that made her feel weird but she still told him to call her and that was it."

I go for my water, feel my sister's hand grabbing the cup, and I let go of it.

I see Lauren smile at my sister and me and she says, "Then the next day my dad called her, like the next day, and my mom thought that was really weird because that other guy she was talking to wasn't like that. She would call him back and then had to wait for him to call her back after days or even longer. And she would talk to her sister about it and my tía Lourdes would tell her that was not okay and that she even heard that guy was talking to other girls. So, my mom says even though it was weird that this nice older guy was calling her right away after meeting her and wanted to take her out that weekend, after knowing he had to for sure meet my grandparents who were really strict with my mom and my tía, it was still kinda nice that he was calling her right away, not taking days to call her, and she told him she'd go on a date with him."

I see her smile, see her take a bite of her food, and hear Mackenzie say, "Do you wanna eat Lauren and then keep telling us the story?"

I see Lauren take a drink of her smoothie, see her smile at Mackenzie, and she says, "Nope, I'll just talk and eat because I like this story."

I feel my smile, see Lauren exhale, smiling down at her food, and she says, "So, that weekend my dad met my grandparents, had already told my mom he was married before and had a daughter that lived with his first wife and her new boyfriend and saw his daughter on the weekends. And that day when he met them he told my grandparents and my mom that he had been separated from his first wife for a while and wanted to maybe get married again, maybe even have another family, and he liked my mom and if things worked out he would always take care of her like he was taking care of his first wife and daughter even if that new boyfriend was living with them. My mom says my grandparents really liked him because he was honest and they even told my dad it took a lot of courage to tell them that right away instead of hiding it like some men would do I guess. So, that all showed he was a good person, sounded like he was a good dad to his daughter, and they would let them date."

I hear the giggling seeing Lauren blush, see her take a bite of that beef, swallow, and then she says, "They started dating and after a few weeks my mom says that other guy called her."

I see Lauren take a drink of her smoothie, feel my sister put the cup of water in my hand, and I take a drink.

I see Lauren smirk at her food this time and she says, "So, my mom told him to not call her because she was dating someone and my grandparents didn't want her getting calls from other guys that weren't my dad and then that guy told my mom that he knew who my dad was, knew he had another family, and wanted to tell her."

I see Lauren roll her eyes, see her exhale, hearing the laughing, and she says, "My mom told that guy she knew my dad had another family and she didn't care and was gonna keep dating him and he should stop calling her. Then that guy said he knew she was only dating my dad because he hadn't called her back but he did want to go on a date with her, ask her to be his girlfriend, but didn't want to look too."

I see her stop, see that perfect chocolate colored forehead scrunch, and she says, "When my mom was telling me this story she used a word that kind of means too 'needy' and I told her that just doesn't make sense because girls want a guy that shows us he likes us, calling us or texting us, or asking us on a date the same week we meet, a guy that doesn't make it look like he doesn't like us. Like why do guys even think that's what we want? We just want a guy that walks up to us in the morning when we're getting our books from our locker, the day after he punched some estúpido for us, tells us he's there to walk us to class and he likes us and wants to take us a date and just be like that, just tells us, but some guys, like that stupid guy that thought my mom wanted him to not look too needy or that he liked her, don't think that's what we want, and none of that makes sense. And that's why when he called her that day my mom told him she was gonna keep going on dates with the guy that did call her right away, met her family that weekend, and that wasn't him and that's his fault for thinking something that stupid, making her wait and feel bad because he didn't want to look too 'needy' and she knew he was talking to other girls and he should call them."

And I hear someone, a lady passing by say, "Makes damn sense."

I start laughing, hearing us all laughing, exhale, taking another spoon into my mouth, and hear Lauren say, "Yep it does. And then that guy started calling her every day and didn't stop for, I think my mom said two months."

I hear my spoon fall on the table, hear my sister curse, see Lauren look up at me with her smirk, and she says, "I know Jazzy, Cin bear, I know, but we don't have to put him in jail for harassing her anymore."

I exhale, thinking about grabbing my phone just to write this down, feeling my sister's arm going over my shoulders, Ming putting my spoon back in my hand, and hear Ming say, "Jazzy, we talked 'bout this shit, let Laurie butt finish and then we fuck up whoever we gotta fuck up."

I inhale, nod, and say, "Please continue."

I hear the laughing and feel my small smile, remembering Black Jesus is watching.

I see Lauren smile and she says, "And then my tía told my dad about it, who that guy was, he went to look for him, and my mom says she heard that guy moved back to Puerto Rico."

I exhale, feeling my smile, and start laughing with them with this time.

After that good laugh I hear Lauren say, "And my mom says it was because that nice guy that looked a little older than her and already had another family called her the next day, wanted to take her on a date that weekend, showed her that he liked her right away, not thinking it was bad to make it look like he was being too 'needy,' because, and I don't know how this works but she says one day I will, when I'm older I guess, that we need to be with people that care about us or love us the same or more and not less than how much we love them, no matter who they are, because then we'll be really happy, knowing they love us so much, so much we want to love them more, care about them more, and at least with my mom and my dad it started with my dad calling her the next day."

I exhale, see it, the blurriness, and say, "Mimi's I didn't bring," and I feel that pretty handkerchief being put in my hand. I put it over my eyes, hearing all of us saying how smart Lauren's mom is and how dumb, stupid, and jerks guys can be.

And then I hear a voice say, "You got to let it go."

I look up, inhale, and see Dewey in front of Cairo, I think pushing him back, with Cairo's eyes looking over here, halfway to our table from the arcade, and I look away.

I exhale, feeling sad that he's doing this, knowing I don't want us to bother the guys today who are all taking care of really important things or resting from school and work and I also don't want my sister and friends to have to see this, and hear a voice say, "I need new underwear."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Lena, see her smirking at me, and she says, "You'll almost done. Let's finish quick and I wanna to go to the Pink store for some underwear and maybe next door for a cute bra because my sister gave me my allowance after seeing my progress report card and I'm spending all of it there."

I exhale and say, "We don't have to hurry Lena, I'll just go talk," and hear them all say my nickname at the same time, feeling my eyes get big.

And I feel my mouth open seeing them eating the rest of their food and hear my sister say, "Jazzy boo finish eating cuz we leaving in few minutes and after shopping we going outside to chill by the that stupid ass fountain, maybe get ice cream or some shit, and relax, and we love you, now eat."

I exhale, nod, and put the spoon in my mouth, tasting that really good soup I'm almost done with, feeling my smile, and know they do love me, maybe as much as I love them.

* * *

I walk in, exhale, take my shoes off at the door, walk up to the bed, see that look, see that laptop being pushed over, and lean over.

I taste those lips, that tongue, feel those hands on my face, and hear him say I took too long.

I giggle, feeling him bite my lower lip, and say, "Bestie you know I'm not sleeping over and we can't really."

And I taste that tongue again, feel those hands go down to my waist, those hands going down to my butt, that squeeze on my butt, and I start to squirm trying to remember I really am not sleeping over.

I exhale, feeling those kisses on my neck, inhale, remembering I'm also brave and my sister's probably telling Riley upstairs right now, and say, "Cairo showed up."

I hear him curse, feel him move away, and open my eyes. I see those lowered eyebrows, lean over, and kiss him again. I get on top of the bed, putting my legs around him, and put my arms around those wide shoulders, feeling those hands back on my waist.

I feel him exhale, feel him kiss me back, and tell him he needs to calm down.

I feel him squeeze me into that chest, feel him move away, and feel those kisses on my neck. I move my head a little to the right and feel him moving my off-the-shoulder light brown, almost gold, sweater off my shoulder. A sweater that I wanted to wear today because no one, no creepy guy at school, is going to make me stop wearing these sweaters no matter how many of those pictures he took and feel those kisses there, on my shoulder.

I exhale, hearing, feeling those kisses, and say, "I promise nothing happened so please let me tell you and after that I want you to tell me what happened today with the platforms, okay?"

I feel that bite on my shoulder, squeeze those hips I'm holding with my legs, thinking maybe him biting me is him saying yes because Huey speaks in actions and say, "Okay, so Dewey came over to hang out with us and…."

I feel those kisses on my other shoulder, feeling that cock move a little between my legs, and say, "I know I saw him outside of the store where we were shopping but then I decided to just focus on my sister and friends, did that, and when we left the store I didn't see him anymore but I also wasn't looking for him, just knew that wherever we were walking to, you know, the ice cream shop that opened there two weeks ago, he wasn't there, and I didn't see him. Then, we hung out outside, talked more, and then called my mom and pop's to pick us all up in their cars, they got there, took us to that game store two blocks down, and then we took everyone home. And I had fun, I did, I just don't like that the girls didn't want to go back to the food court even to get drinks I think because they didn't want me to feel uncomfortable but I told them I don't care, I just don't like him starting stuff, and I know, I do, with my sister and friends there that if he comes up to me, tries talking to me, they'll do something, specially if he acts really dumb, and tries to grab me and," and I feel that squeeze from those hands holding my hips, after knowing he was relaxed, feeling him putting his face in my hair, and say, "I don't know bestie, I don't. I don't know why he thinks he can grab me, I don't. I've never let him, my mom's threatened him when he did touch me in front of her, I've flipped him once, put a keychain alarm next to his ear, and I've told him to not do it, I just, I just, don't know, when other guys, other guys don't do that, even creepy guys. They just do other stuff, other gross stuff, like taking pictures but from far away, only ever trying to touch me when they thought I couldn't fight them back or I was too busy to notice them trying to grab me, but Cairo, he just, he just."

I exhale, crossing my feet behind him, feeling that lower back, kissing that ear, feeling better, safer, than I did after Cairo showed up at the mall, and hear that monotone voice say, "Unlike other fucken idiots, he doesn't fear me, possibly the only one."

I inhale, feeling those arms holding me now holding me too tightly, and say, "It doesn't matter Huey, if it does happen again, if it does, I promise I'm flipping him, okay?"

I feel that exhale in his chest, feeling those arms getting too warm now, and hear him say, "That shouldn't be the damn case. The problem here is he doesn't fear me because he thinks he's better than me because of that damn family, possibly, in his fucken great thinking thinks he's better for you because of them, and I need to beat him again, regardless of the truth behind that."

I inhale and say, "Huey, there is no truth behind that and it just doesn't make sense because even when you lived there that family never visited you and Riley, probably didn't even know how you two were doing with school or anything, all that important stuff, and even just as important, you didn't do any of those things that family did or does okay, so no one should be comparing you or connecting you to that family. Now I can tell you're mad because your temperature isn't going down so I'm gonna make us some tea, your mom's tea, the tea Aunt Cookie showed me how to make, hopefully to remind you you're a Freeman, and then I want you to tell me about the platforms, okay?"

I exhale, a little mad, and hear him say, "You're possibly right, there is some I want to tell you about the two platforms we decided to take down since one is basically useless and the other one had only a few comments posted last year, and Ericka sent us all an email that I'm sure you haven't seen and I told her you would get back to, I believe saying one of those programs isn't taking requests from families anymore so…"

I inhale and say, "Huey! Why didn't you tell me about this when I walked in!"

I hear him inhale, feel that squeeze, pulling me into him again, and hear him say, "Damn it Jazmine because you needed a day off after this week and I knew you would get to it when you found out, and because Ericka, for whatever reasons, possibly because it's you, wanted you to read through that email thoroughly, read through some suggestions she has, and then reply to her, even call her if you want, and I knew if I called you, told you about that email that you wouldn't have seen because I turned off the alert for your notifications, you would come straight home, spend half the night on that, and I wanted."

I hear him stop, feel him exhale, massaging his neck, feeling a little bad for yelling in his ear like that, and hear him say, "I wanted you to possibly, maybe, enjoy yourself, come home, and spend some time with me first, and then, after that, only after, look at that email."

I exhale, feeling my cheeks getting a little red, knowing that means he wanted to spend time with me before we started working on that stuff, talking about the platforms. And he's really romantic and he doesn't see it, as I'm massaging that neck, and say, "I'm sorry I yelled in your ear, I just don't want those families to not get help if we can do something about it. So, how about you close that laptop and come to the kitchen with me? Maybe we can talk about schoolwork, you know, fun stuff, or you can tell me about that history book on Islam, if you got to read a little today, or I can tell you about how much more I'm learning now from that book since I got to read the chapter again for Ms. Reed's class, and we can just sit there, talking, while I make tea. Then, after that, I'll check my emails, okay?"

I feel that face move into my neck, feeling my small smile, and hear him say, "I love you Jazmine."

I inhale, remembering he doesn't say it a lot, but he when does, I can't help but be so happy.

I exhale and say, "I love you Huey, now come on."

I feel him nod and feel my smile get bigger because the fun part of today isn't over.

* * *

I see Johnny and Adah there, all of them talking, and try to focus on that, the talking.

I exhale and hear him say, "Never thought I'd say this shit, but that fucker ain't even worth 'nough to kill him, just maybe put his face in that toilet, then leave him there not letting him breathe long 'nough he knows that's all he worth."

I feel my eyebrow rise seeing her tell them she wants Adah to hang out with them one of those Sundays at that crowded horrible place, like what she went through yesterday, those minutes of discomfort, did not matter, and say, "He's worth less than that."

I hear the clacking, feeling my smirk seeing those greens look over here, and hear Hiro say, "I agree with Huey on this one. He worth less than that shit, specially when he gotta talk 'bout shit that don't matter to make it look like he better than anyone, fucken dumbass fool."

I inhale and say, "True but regardless, unless I beat him to a point he can't speak or kill him I can't stop him from saying what he's going to say. And what happened yesterday is possibly something I'll have to get used to unless I decide to go with her seeing as even that other idiot, who Jazmine said was cordial even to her sister, can't stop that fucken idiot from showing up, but."

I exhale seeing her smiling at Johnny and say, "But I know Jazmine spends that day there with them, her sister and friends, I believe they all do, not wanting us to be there, wanting to have some time for themselves, talk amongst themselves as most women do with no aim or purpose but to just spend time with each other, and I don't want to take that away from her when she's had other things, time, safety possibly, already taken once."

I hear the exhales from them, see her laughing, hugging Adah, with her sister possibly looking angry, and hear my brother say, "Could move to Chi-Town."

I feel my eyebrow rise seeing those greens turn to her sister and hug her, seeing her sister possibly smirk, and hear myself say, "That could work."

I hear the cackling, see that face turn to me, smiling that smile at me, feeling my exhale, possibly my smile, hearing some kids, girls possibly say something pointless, and hear my brother say, "Gonna have to take some homies though."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at my brother, see him looking at the girls, and hear Caesar say, "We taking the girls and family. Who else we take?"

I hear my brother exhale, possibly looking at Cindy, and hear him say, "She needs those two to be a'ight, 'least to blow up shit and beat me at GTA when I let 'em."

I look over at her again, see her hugging her sister still, seeing her sister possibly beat red, looking down, maybe embarrassed, and see those lips mouth, 'Happy, you my everything, don't be jealous.'

I exhale and say, "The problem is even with everyone there, I think she's possibly happy here."

I hear them exhale and hear them all say, 'Same man,' 'I know man,' and 'Yeah man.'

I hear the cackling, feeling my smirk, wondering if that Jazmine head, her sister, and their friends know how much we possibly plan around them, possibly with them as the damn focus.

And I see those greens look at me, see her inhale, and tell her to stay there, hearing that girl say my name.

I exhale and say, "I'll try to not be disrespectful, I'll try, but I don't care why you're here."

I see those greens look at that girl, see her inhale, wanting her to look at me, and hear that girl say, "Look Huey, I just wanna tell you that it's not fair that her mom said that, it's not. Specially because it's not true. I wasn't part of what happened at the game and I told them and they believe me but they told me to stay away from her because they know her mom is crazy and," and I hear my brother say, "Don't be talkin' 'bout her cuz you talkin' 'bout my girl's family."

I see those greens squint at that girl and hear that girl say, "Riley, look, I know okay. I know you're all just with them because you feel sorry for them. But you guys really have to think about this, like just think about it, how all the guys don't look at them just because, they look at them because before you guys got here and maybe because you're just really good guys and didn't see it, those girls were sleeping around with half the guys here or at other schools. I know. I had investigators look into them. I mean you guys probably don't even know how some of them just got here from other countries, probably can't even be here, or how they were sleeping around with half the guys on the football team last year and all the girls talk about it, or how the reason they're not living with their parents is because they were caught with a lot of drugs and those girls I heard were doing those drugs to, I even heard they were sleeping with the guys that were giving her parents drugs, and god Huey, the worse one, her, how I think she was sleeping with her dad and then told the police that," and seeing her, knowing she lipread most of that, say, "I'm not letting her get expelled but she deserves one."

I see that small right fist swing at her and I move in, grabbing those hips, bent down, and move her over my shoulder, hearing her curse at that girl that's on the floor right now.

I inhale, feeling that extra weight she must have because of that training, feeling my smirk, look back at them, holding back their girlfriends who I know were following Jazmine but possibly didn't hear, and say, "Tell them after if you don't want them getting expelled."

I bend down, grab our backpacks, hearing that slap, that girl possibly scream, feeling my smirk, and stand up straight. I put those backpacks over my other shoulder and start running towards that exit. Shit.

* * *

I hear that door open, hear those footsteps, feeling my eyebrow rise hearing only one set of footsteps, and hear our teacher say, "What do you need Ron?"

I hear that giggle, feeling my smirk, seeing that racist counselor inhale, possibly mad at being addressed like that, and he says, "You probably heard what happened at lunch today and I'm here to take her in."

I inhale, trying, trying to bring my temperature down, and hear Caesar say, "Damn, didn't know my tiny sister already being talked 'bout like she a criminal, taking her in and shit, like you the police after her cuz she defended herself from a crazy ass rich white girl that paying you off, all sounding mighty close to oppression."

I see that racist counselor inhale, possibly trying to not get fired, and hear our teacher say, "That is close to the definition of oppression. Five extra credit points Caesar for using one of our topics in a real life event. I think that brings you up to an A plus."

I hear that giggle turning into that laugh, exhale hearing that laugh, and feel myself move over to touch her, knowing there's a possibility I won't see her for some time after this.

I feel that thigh, hear her swallow, and feel my smirk, knowing she must have that tint right now. And I see that counselor look at me, feeling my eyebrow rise, seeing that fucken look, that fucken look of. Shit.

I hear our teacher ask Jazmine to go up to the front and I ask, "Where's the security guard?"

I see that fucken counselor look at me, see him squint at me, feeling myself stand up, and hear our teacher call me.

I look over at our teacher and say, "Based on how this counselor has been with her I don't think he should take her anywhere alone Mr. Delay."

I hear that counselor say something pointless about his position, see our teacher inhale, possibly considering what I just said, and see him nod. I see him turn back to that counselor and he says, "Where's Mr. Ramirez who normally goes along with you?"

I look over at that counselor, feeling that tug on my pants, hearing her say my name, trying to focus, see him looking at me possibly mad he won't have her alone, and he says, "He's busy."

I inhale and hear Caesar say, "Then get another security guard. My sister ain't going with you alone."

I feel that tug on my pants again and hear that Jazmine head say, "Guys I can handle him just," and I inhale, trying to relax because she's too damn Jazmine sometimes.

Then I hear that door open again and exhale.

I look over at her, see those pursed lips, those greens focused on her target, frustration on that face, and say, "Jazmine, this time, just listen, stay with Mr. Ramirez all the way there, no detours."

I see her exhale, see her nod, and see her mouth, 'You're telling me later or no kisses.'

I exhale through my nose, feeling my damn face getting warm, seeing her being frustrated and 'cute' at the same time, and nod, rolling my eyes.

I see her smile like she won, remembering how she still always wins, and see her stand up, grabbing her notebook and backpack.

I look over at Mr. Ramirez standing by the door and see him looking at that racist counselor, possibly mad, I'm sure because this fucken counselor didn't tell him to come. Shit.

I feel that tug on my hand, hearing that fucken counselor tell her to hurry, feel her kiss my cheek, seeing him inhale, wondering why the fuck I didn't see it before, all those damn times, his focus on her, the times he tried touching her, possibly not seeing it because I was dealing with other fucken idiots. That look of. Shit.

I exhale and hear her tell Caesar to remind me to calm down and she'll be fine.

I see that counselor look down at her as she's walking up to the front, see him looking at her as she's talking to our teacher, and continue watching her as she's walking around him, and up to Mr. Ramirez.

I inhale, see him look up at me, feeling my eyebrows lower, warning him, see him possibly smirk, and see him turn around walking behind Mr. Ramirez and Jazmine.

Fuck.

* * *

Regardless, he won't try anything, possibly will only continue to look, or I'll break his hand, or his neck.

I hear her ask me if I want tea.

I look up at her, exhale, and say, "I'm fine Ms. Lola. Thank you."

I see her exhale and she says, "Huey, son, I'll make you some coffee, black, like I know Jazzy said you like it when you do have some."

I exhale, feel my smirk, and nod.

I see her smile, see her turn around, and see her walk over to the coffeemaker. The coffeemaker that for whatever reason they have out here now, possibly for parents that are in the waiting area when they're here because their children got in a fight defending themselves, like Sarah had to do today.

I hear those steps, hear her sit down next to me, handing the cup to me, and I take it from her. I take a drink, feeling that exhale knowing coffee, one of the only very 'teenage' addictions I did succumb to, could help me relax from the pending legal actions that will take place later today.

I hear her exhale and hear her say, "Now son, it's not fair because I know how close you two are but only because of school policy if this takes longer than one entire class period I'll have to send you to your next class. I'm sorry son."

I exhale, nod, and say, "I understand."

I'll just wait outside.

I hear her say, "I know you do son but also remember certain people know you're probably here and will be coming to check next period to see if you're here or standing outside, could even go check to make sure you're in your class and mark you truant if they know you came today but are not in your class and I can only exempt you for this period. Do you understand that son?"

I exhale longer and hear her say, "Good. Now, based on what I heard last time I passed by that door, seeing as I am no longer needed as both the principal and vice principal have been called in for this meeting, it's going well, at least based on how the shouting finally stopped."

I inhale. That crazy girl and her damn parent.

I hear that door open, put the cup down, stand up, and hear two sets of steps I don't know. I look up in the direction of that hallway, see that girl walking out, possibly cursing at everything and everyone, and see her look at me. Shit.

I exhale, sit back down, putting my head down, possibly feeling that headache, closing my eyes, and hear her say my name. Fuck.

I hear her repeat my name, standing in front of me, and say, "No."

I hear her inhale and hear her say, "But Huey I just want you to meet," and hear that parent of hers say, "And who is this?"

I exhale, cracking my neck, hearing that girl say my name, knowing that damn tone, the one of fear that they 'know' we want to take their daughters, and hear Ms. Lola say, "Now Ashley it seems like Huey does not want you to introduce him so," and I hear him say, "And who are you?"

I inhale, hearing that fucken tone, open my eyes, see those shoes that belong to that girl and those that belong to him, and I stand up.

I see him look up at me, see him inhale with that fear that I'm here to take his white daughter, what they think we all want, fucken idiots, and say, "You show her respect."

I see his eyes get big, see him exhale, possibly mad, hearing that girl say something, and he says, "I show respect those I feel the need to and who are you?"

I exhale and say, "None of your damn business as I couldn't care less who you are but you will show Ms. Lola the respect she deserves after servicing this community, your children, the class you probably think you belong to hearing that damn tone you're using with her, even if we live in a classless country where the words class, position, social standing, you people, are all used to remind anyone you do not feel the need to show respect to that they are less than you, even though you're here because your daughter, who I could not possibly want any less, specifically considering you just met my girlfriend who is far more than your daughter in every way will ever be, your daughter who is possibly clinically insane, continues with this, whatever she thinks this is, with someone who you would probably not feel the need to show respect to, someone that's black, what I am, and who you will probably meet in court one day as the legal representative to someone your daughter attacked, and believe me, I will win that case, as I'm sure my girlfriend's mother will also win any case against that law office you hired from New York that has rich attorneys that won't be prepared for a well put together case by someone like her mother. Now, deal with your daughter because I don't want her, will not want her, and show this woman some respect as I'm sure she showed you when she introduced herself to you and walked you into that office, remembering your damn name, even if she knew she wouldn't receive that same respect."

I feel that hand touch my arm, exhale, see him inhale, hearing that girl say something, and he says, "You must that Freeman boy."

I exhale, not caring, and say, "Yes I'm Huey Freeman. Now you'll excuse me because I want to talk to people that actually have some respect for others. Have a nice day."

I see him exhale, hear that girl saying something to him about embarrassing her, see his chin rise, and he says, "Along with the unpleasantry I had to hear right now my wife told me some about you and possibly a brother you have, how I would be surprised if I met you, at which I told her she was having fanciful womanly ideas because you're all the same."

I inhale and say, "We are all the same. Now please move out of my way because I'm done with this conversation."

I see him exhale, see him look at that girl, possibly guilt pass over his face or disgust, if I cared enough to know, see him look back at me, and he says, "It is possible my wife was correct about you but I would still never let my daughter have some type of friendship, far less anything more than that, with any one of you."

I hear that inhale next to me, feel my smirk, seeing his eyebrow rise, possibly surprised, and say, "I do not care what you allow your daughter to have because it doesn't affect me in anyway. Are you done so you can move out of my way?"

I see him look back at that girl, see him exhale, possibly that guilt pass over his face again, feel that hand pull me, and I move over following Ms. Lola around them.

Then I feel that hand on my arm, feel my eyebrow rise, and inhale, knowing if we touched them like they feel they can touch us we would be charged with assault, if not killed by a police officer.

I exhale, trying to stay calm, and say, "Do not touch me."

I hear him say, "I am not done talking boy and I want to know about that law school my wife said you're planning on attending at which I'll have you know I do have some connections at well-known schools, prestigious ones, ones that would be impossible to be accepted into without the business relationships I've built throughout the years and the right funds and name."

I feel my eyebrow rise and say, "I could not be any less interested in what you have to say. Let go now."

I hear him inhale, feel him possibly squeeze my arm, and hear him say, possibly quieter, "Boy you must know my daughter has some problems, has possibly eliminated her purpose in being at this school with these actions she's taken and other ones I have yet to rectify, which means I will have to find other avenues that do not include her to maintain our obligations, but during this time, far from wanting to punish her, I want to maintain her and apparently you, who seem apt enough, who I believe would know to not devalue her, would satisfy her, at least until I can once more find a use for her in those obligations."

I exhale and say, "No."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Is it because you could possibly believe she isn't good enough for you?"

I inhale and say the selfish truth, "Why would I want her when I have Jazmine?"

I hear that girl say something pointless, hear him exhale, focusing on hearing Ms. Lola possibly coming back down the hallway with the principal, and hear him say, "Ashley do not speak over me. Now you, I understand you have that girl, in my younger years I would have even agreed with you, but I just need you to keep her satisfied, agreeing to not devalue her with a promise on at least one prestigious school, so I can then have the time needed to rectify the situations she's created without her creating anymore. So either you or your brother, which I would assume to be similar to you, will do."

I exhale and hear a voice say, "Are you disgracing yourself by speaking to my daughter's black boyfriend Mr. McNeil after having used those derogatory names?"

I feel that hand let go, exhale, and walk up to Sarah and Ms. Lola.

I get to them, see Sarah smile at me that smile that reminds me of possibly, if I believed in faith, which I don't, my mother, and she says, "Please walk her to class Huey, know everything's fine, and everything was agreed on mostly because my daughters are a lot more forgiving than I am."

I exhale, nod, knowing that unrealistic optimism has no bounds, and say, "Can you send me the details and I'll read them at work?"

I see her smile again, being reminded of that smile, and she says, "I was planning on doing that later tonight so you wouldn't read them until after you both got home but I'll send them when I get to the office."

I exhale and say, "Did this interrupt anything?"

I see her smirk and she says, "Huey don't act like you don't know what time court ends and no, it did not interrupt anything, just a late lunch, and now I have to call him back before he shows up."

I nod, knowing she's possibly right but still this was an interruption, and say, "I know you'll probably have to stay late at work so if you want," and she cuts me off with, "I told her to stay with you until I get home, at either house is fine, and if you want, go ahead and spend the night seeing as I'm not sure what time I'll be home, and I'll be texting my youngest to let her know so Riley can also sleep over if he wants."

I exhale and say, "Thank you."

I hear that girl say something behind me, see Sarah look behind me, and she says, "Huey I need to speak to that family one more time with Ms. Lola next to me if possible."

I nod, thank them for dealing with that girl and her father, and walk around them.

I walk down the hallway, hearing that girl's voice become less irritating as I'm getting away from it, getting to that door, hearing that laugh as she's talking to the principal and possibly the vice principal. The staff at this school who might adore her and her sister, possibly her friends as well, because most people who are sane enough are enamored with them, the breath of fresh air they must be, and I start considering that selfish idea of possibly all of us moving to Chicago, seeing as location doesn't change a person's disposition and any school or neighborhood we live in would also feel the same about them.

I exhale, having stopped at the door, hearing her tell them about the nursing home and how much she likes that it's that close to the shelter because she likes meeting the people that sleep at the shelter, she likes meeting people, and wants to travel to meet more people and go to places she's never been to.

I push the door open, see those greens turn to me with that flush, the way she gets when she's excited over anything, and know even if we don't move to Chicago in the near future, we are taking a fucken vacation.

* * *

I exhale and hear the bell ring, happy at least he made it to the last ten minutes of his fourth period. I did to but then I remembered I was supposed to be here early today, took pictures of Lena's notes, got our homework assignment, and left to be here before the period ended.

I feel that vibration, look down, and smile at that text. And I type in the reply.

_Me: Yes sissy. Just that she needs to get a therapist by tomorrow because she probably just needs help since she didn't say anything to the school just said it to us, and if she doesn't get a therapist she needs to leave this school. Mom is the best._

I press send, exhale, and look up at the doors opening from other classes. I see everyone coming out, knowing Lena's probably leaving our class right now, and feel that vibration. I look down at my phone again and I laugh reading it.

_My one and only Sissy: You right bout mama but fuck that hoe. Even if she gets a damn therapist she still fucken crazy and I'ma fuck her up next time._

I exhale and reply.

_Me: Sissy it doesn't even matter. I honestly feel sorry for her after meeting her dad._

I hear the students leaving, some whispering, rolling my eyes, wondering why they care so much, and then I remember because it's about Ashley. And I feel that vibration and look at my phone.

_My one and only Sissy: Nah sis, after what she said bout you she ain't getting nothing from me. Fuck her. You know what, thinking bout this shit, I'ma fuck her up after school cuz I heard she didn't go home._

I inhale and reply.

_Me: Sis please don't, please, only because you could get in trouble specially if she says she wasn't doing anything. At least at lunch we can say she came up to us but after school she'll say we looked for her and her dad said he's going to get her a therapist tomorrow. It could get better._

I hear a voice, look up, say hi to her, and hear her ask me if I'm okay. I feel my smile and tell her I am. I see her smile back and hear her she'll see me later. Then I feel that vibration a second time and look down.

_My one and only Sissy: Fine sis but 1 she crazy and I don't think a therapist gonna help that kinda crazy 2 I'll text Laurie butt and Mimi cuz they know you busy 3 told Riles and he staying over to 4 only got jelly for like a minute cuz you belong to me but I do like Adah, she cool, and last….I love you._

I exhale, feeling my smile, and reply.

_Me: I love you and you're my every everything. I'll see you tonight._

I put my phone in my pocket, start walking up to the door, feel that vibration, and take it out of my pocket.

_My one and only Sissy: Teddy bear._

I start laughing, mark it read, and put my phone in my pocket.

I walk into class, see Ms. Reed talking to a student from last period I think, and walk up to my desk, thinking maybe I should get here early every day so she's not wasting paper leaving those notes on my desk.

Then I hear, "Jazmine come up here please."

I put my backpack on my chair, walk up to her, see her smile at me, and she says, "Thank you for showing up early today and you'll be helping me write the outline for the class."

I exhale, feeling my cheeks getting warm, see her start laughing, and say, "Yes Ms. Reed."

I see her nod with her smile and she says, "Don't worry about your penmanship, just write it out as clearly as you can while I talk to certain students and pass out a sheet with some quotes from the chapter we read."

I nod, hoping everyone understands my writing, but at least I'll be busy writing on the board, won't have to see anyone walking into class, and then I'll sit down. Should be easy.

* * *

I exhale that worry, that fucken possible anger, and hear her say, "So after thinking about it I think I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna keep showing up early. I'll still have to do group activities and I'll miss my walks with Lena but I still get to talk to her during fourth and then on the weekends when we all go to the mall. But this way, I will get there too early for anyone to talk to me before class, Michelle won't waste paper leaving those notes, and Ms. Reed did say she would talk to Ms. Hoffman about letting me out early every day when we don't have tests so it just sounds like a good thing, all of it, and I decided I'm gonna do it."

I inhale and say, "You shouldn't have to Jazmine and you should just," and I feel the turning of those hips I'm holding and feel those hands on my chest possibly trying to push me down.

I exhale, seeing those bright greens look at me in this dark room with those insignificant plastic stars that resemble the ones I haven't removed from my room, and feel her kiss me.

Shit. I push those hips away, pushing those lips away, and say, "Jazzy we need to talk about," and feel that long leg go over my hip.

Fuck. I exhale, feeling her sit up on me, move, trying to adjust myself with no damn luck, and feel those hands on my face.

I look up at those eyes, surrounded by those pointless stars, and hear her say, "No. No more okay. We talked about Ashley and Cairo on the way to work, talked about how we're gonna keep being safe at school, and after all that, whenever we get home I want us to talk about schoolwork, the platforms, the organizations, books, or hopefully your mom and dad, anything that makes us happy, and is only about our friends or family or us so," and I move up and kiss those lips.

I feel those long arms go around my shoulders, those hips grinding over me, and I exhale, push her, those hips away, and hear her say, "Huey?"

I feel myself twitch hearing her say my name like that, close my eyes trying to relax, and say, "I want to, I do, but not here, where your mother is next door, my brother and your sister are down the hallway, and I want to hear you say."

Shit. I need to relax, not tell her what I want, as I'm feeling her moving down, those legs moving down, and open my eyes.

I see that blonde afro turned down, feeling her continue moving down, and say, "Jazmine, what are you," and feel that hand move over me, over my shorts, that friction, closing my eyes. Fuck.

I feel that hand with that ring I can feel moving over my dick again, up and down, and hear that voice say, "You wanna hear me say your name in your ear, I'll probably be too loud, but you're already this hard and we can't talk if you're like this so let me help you, and I promise this weekend and until you get tired of it, in your room or here if we're alone, I wanna keep saying your name in your ear."

I exhale and say that selfish truth, knowing it is selfish because it only benefits me, "I am not normal and won't get tired of," and I feel that tongue go up my dick, over my shorts, sticking my shorts to my underwear, feeling that warm tongue through both, her wet tongue, and finish, "You."

I exhale, trying to relax, shaking, knowing we can talk about things that matter after whatever she wants to help me with.

* * *

I hug her and say, "Yes, he hasn't tried talking to me all week."

I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "And you think that other shit for real?"

I exhale, let go, and glance over there, seeing her trying to talk to him.

I feel my eyebrow rise, see him glancing at us again, and look over at those dark ocean blue eyes.

I exhale and say, "I think she's trying to talk to him again, so hopefully that means something good."

I hear that exhale and hear Lauren say, "Well I texted Hiroki."

I look over at her, see her looking at us with pursed lips, and she says, "Hiroki said that the first thing that therapist will try to do is have her stop doing really bad things, like starting fights or paying people to do things to us, but that could mean she's gonna go back to doing other things."

I feel my eyebrow rise again and say, "Like she's stepping back from the really bad extreme stuff to like the not so extreme stuff?"

And then I hear a slap. I look over and feel my eyes open, seeing Ashely from here, looking really mad, with a big red mark on her face, and see Cairo I think out of the corner of my eye walking towards the double doors.

Then I see Ashley lunge herself at Michelle and see them on the floor, fighting, again, well, sort of, again. Some pulling of hair and some slapping again, and then that hard slap on Michelle's face, under Ashley, who's straddling her. Oh god, why is Ashley always wearing a skirt, like always? And no boy shorts, just regular panties. Cute ones with pink roses. That helps.

I feel that warm hand grab me, feeling those fingers going through mine, look over at him, and follow those broad shoulders back to our table, happy, even if it's still a bad situation, that Ashley is maybe seeing that therapist.

I look around, feeling my smirk, seeing my bestie and my friends' boyfriends all walking us back to our table, getting kind of a dejavu. And I laugh at how cute they are, not looking over there at the fighting, just walking us to the table. Yeah, we're going to our janitor's room after this.

I feel him pull me in and I sit down, sliding onto the bench. I see him slide in after me, feeling that hand on my thigh, lean over to kiss that cheek, and feel those lips kiss me.

I inhale, move my legs completely over him, sit on his lap, grab that soft afro, tilting my head, seeing those eyes looking at me, and I move in, putting my tongue into that mouth, not hearing anything else.

I feel those wide shoulders I have my arms around, kissing that face, that chin with that stubble he let grow out because he's been tired every morning, coming home the night before from the shelter, having to do homework, going through the platforms or training while I go through the platforms with Ming on the phone, sending emails to Ericka and Waldo, so much he's been doing. I think he also isn't telling me that he's staying up late doing other things, I think protecting my mom, my sister, me from him, checking his credit cards I think, and I put my hands behind that neck, massaging it, hearing him say my nickname, and hear someone else say my name.

What?

I hear that voice tell me to stop, inhale, feeling him move back, blink seeing those reds looking at me, and hear that voice say to stop.

I see those reds look over to the left, feel those hands on my waist pulling me to the side, and I flex my legs, holding him down.

I see him look at me, hear him tell me to move, and I look over my shoulder, and see Cairo standing there, looking at us.

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear him tell me to stop, to just stop.

I exhale, not hearing the fighting anymore, hearing Huey tell me to get off of him, seeing Cairo looking at me like that still, like I'm his girlfriend, and say, "No."

I see him close his eyes and he says, "Jazmine, I'm fucken trying. I am. Ain't talking to you, doing better fucken everywhere and you doing that shit."

I hear the quietness, feeling those hands on my waist that are too warm, and say, "Cairo, I can kiss my boyfriend and you can't," and hear him say, "No you fucken can't!"

I inhale, feel my legs move, feel that bench under my butt, and inhale seeing Huey stand up. No.

I move up to grab him and inhale seeing those dreads going under him, pushing Huey back.

I see those braids and Hiro's fade move over to them, hearing Huey telling them to let him go, look over at him, see those brown eyes looking at me, and say, "Cairo go."

I see him inhale, see a hand on Cairo's shoulder, and hear Dewey tell him to go before they can't stop Huey.

I see Cairo shake off Dewey's hand and he says, "Jazmine just fucken listen," and I say, "No Cairo, just no!

I see him inhale, hear him curse, and see him turn around, walking away.

I look over at them, see Huey looking at Cairo, I think still pushing the guys, with this look on his face I think I saw once from far away, back in Chicago.

I stand up, walk up to that face, move under the guys, and hug that torso.

I feel that exhale from him, feeling him shaking, and feel them let go of him. Then I feel those arms going around my shoulders and I exhale.

I kiss that chest and say, "Huey, bestie, it's Friday, I only want you and I wanted us to go to our janitor's room after this so please let him go."

I feel that long exhale from him and hear him say, "You can't always resolve problems with that Jazmine."

I feel my smirk feeling those hands massaging my back and say, "Yes I can."

I feel that kiss on my head, feeling my smile, hearing stuff, I think dumb girls saying how cute he is now not just hot, and hear that voice tell us we can't be hugging for more than a minute or it's too much fraternizing. I exhale and hear that monotone voice say, "Caes, can you take notes?"

I hear the laughing from our friends, hear Caesar say he can, moving my face over that chest, feel that chest move back, like he's bending down, and hear that monotone voice say into my ear, "I want that leg over me until we go to that room."

I nod, let go of that torso, grab his hand, and pull him back to the table.

I see our friends exhale with the guys standing up maybe waiting to see if they need to stop another fight, maybe happy there wasn't another fight at lunch where one or all of us got in trouble and know I really can't wait until school ends today.

* * *

There is no end to this hell.

I hear those footsteps, hear him grab the buckets, and hear him walk out.

I exhale, focus on the reason I'm here today, the bills. I need to make sure all transfers were made so the rent that comes out at the end of the month happens with no problem.

I hear that voice and hear him respond that he already cleaned it and he's going to mop the hangar.

I focus on those three accounts, one used to only pay the rent, the second used to pay all other bills, and the third that as of last month is being used to have all donations deposited because those donations, those checks, sometimes come back as insufficient and cannot interfere at least with the first account, the one used to pay the rent. I was mildly surprised when Frank gave me clearance to open that third account without a second thought. And now, if that account becomes insufficient it will not affect the first account but rather the second one because the first account will always receive priority when the third account reaches a certain amount that can be transferred.

I exhale. The damn finance world.

I hear those footsteps, look up, and say, "I haven't had a chance to check but once I'm done," and she cuts me off with, "You cannot possibly take care of everything you take care of here, everything we leave you alone to do most days, and then also be expected to oversee if employees are actually cleaning properly, especially after they've worked here long enough to know how to clean properly."

I exhale, nod, look down at the screen, and say, "At least as of right now everything's set for the next few weeks, including the rent payment and all other," and hear her cut me off with, "Howie."

I look up, see Monica sit down in that chair, see her exhale, and she says, "I won't apologize anymore if I call you by his name but I would rather you also trust that we trust you enough that you don't have to tell us all if bills are being paid and how. We're sure they are with you being at the helm of those accounts. And as far as Frank, dad, and myself, all we need to know as of right now is that the shelter has enough to be pay its rent for the next year, which is amazing, and all we need to make sure of is that other donations continue to come in for the minor bills, payroll, maintenance, and hopefully vouchers we can start giving the people so they can buy clothes at the nearby thrift stores for their job, apartment interviews, and school appointments."

I exhale, nod, remembering something that Jazmine head thought of on the way here about some of the donated items she found in the storage room, and say, "It was suggested to me that we could raise some money by having a yard sale again since the weather is warmer now and more people would be willing to come out to buy some of the donated furniture that's taking too much space in the storage room."

I see her smile and she says, "That sounds like a great idea and my babies want to see her."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, and say, "She talks about them, possibly how much she wants to have them over at her house."

I see her exhale with her smile and she says, "Is she willing to babysit for a night so my husband and I can go on a much needed date?"

I feel my mouth open, exhale, knowing I don't speak on behalf of anyone, and say, "I could ask her."

I see her nod, possibly with a bigger smile, and hear that voice say, "I'ma take my break."

I exhale, look back down at the screen, pull up the employee schedule, and say, "Fine."

I hear him walking away, entering the time he left, and hear Monica say, "Please wait Cairo."

I hear his footsteps stop, look up at her, see her looking at the door, and she says, "Please come in here."

I hear his footsteps coming back and I look down at the screen so as to not do something I'll only regret for not doing sooner and hear Monica say, "Did you already clean that restroom like we went over?"

I hear him say, "Nah, I mean no, not yet."

I hear Monica exhale and hear her say, "Clean it first please seeing as it's important it is done or the people tonight could get sick for numerous reasons. Also, although I am not here enough to ensure this happens, when both you and Riley are here I want the order of breaks to go in the order you all came in to work, which means Huey will be first, then you, and then Riley. I know Riley already took his break tonight and he's cleaning the backyard, Huey will be taking his break now, and then you will take yours after he comes back, not before."

I hear that fucken idiot inhale and I look up at him. I see him look at me, see that fucken look, that fucken look, the one of thinking I have something he wants, knows he doesn't deserve, but knows I deserve even less.

I hear Monica, see that fucken idiot look at her, see him nod, and hear him answer her.

I see him turn around and start walking down the hallway again, this time to that restroom. Fucken piece of, and I hear Monica say, "Howie?"

I look over at her, see her smile, and she says, "Please remember what I just said about taking your break first because you are also an employee here and are entitled to that break and don't forget to ask Jazzy about babysitting but also tell her I understand this weekend is too short notice so hopefully next weekend, either Friday or Saturday is fine."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, stand up, closing the laptop, and say, "Yes Monica, I'll be back in ten minutes since it's close to the time," and she cuts me off with, "Breaks are fifteen minutes as of the beginning of this month and I would expect you to know that."

I exhale, nod, and say, "I do."

I see her smile and she says, "Then take those fifteen minutes and not one minute less."

I nod, walk up to the coat hanger, put my jacket on, and say, "Thank you Monica."

I hear her say, "Of course Howie."

I walk out the door, see the light in that restroom being turned on, knowing he's still a fucken idiot but he's possibly trying to not get fired as of this week, and exhale because that Jazmine head is right about any possible fights here affecting my ability to be here to help in any way I can. Mr. Willis, my brother, those schedules and accounts Frank and Monica are leaving up to me to ensure are benefiting this place, would all be affected. Those two girls won't be able to call me any names they want to call me, those two girls she talks about with that excitement she gets, reminding me of the warmth I felt in my entire body that day watching them in the kitchen, those girls she can choose to take care of on any day she wants.

I pass that restroom, hearing him say something pointless, as I keep walking, thinking about getting to her faster, knowing she doesn't have to know she's right about most things and I might possibly ask her if I can watch them again that night, this time in her mother's kitchen, if she chooses to take care of those two girls.

* * *

Maybe we can bake cupcakes. Okay. Write that down.

_27\. Bake cupcakes_

But we only get them for one night. I exhale. Maybe we can ask them to let us babysit them again. Write that down.

_28\. Ask Monica if they want us to babysit again._

I inhale, putting my pen down. He'll be okay Jazmine. Mr. Willis will be okay. And Huey said he is safe at home alone where he can't move things around because Frank, I guess, 'nailed' everything to the ground. I giggle.

I hear him inhale and I exhale. I want to look at my book to focus on that but I know if I do I'll just start talking about more things students haven't read and that's not fair.

Oh my god Jazmine! Books! Write that down.

_29\. Read books with them!_

I hear Ms. Reed say, "Okay everyone please stop and hand your quiz to the person in front of you, facedown as usual, and make sure to remain quiet."

I hear all the exhales, hoping everyone did good on the quizzes she's been giving us each week, and hear someone say my name.

I grab the papers over my shoulder and hold the papers out, facedown, next to him.

I see him turn to them and I turn away, looking out the window, feeling my smile at how pretty it looks out there now that we're in March, thinking maybe we can have a barbecue soon with all our friends, and feel him grab my hand, taking the papers from me.

I exhale, rolling my eyes, bringing my hand back, and look back down at the list of things my sister and friends and me all wrote down that we can do with Tamera and Tia tomorrow. I'm so excited, probably way more excited than I was when by bestie told me last week when he went to visit me for his break and we went for that nice walk. I mean I think I've been thinking about it, talking to my sister and friends, all week, just waiting for this Saturday, tomorrow, so excited that I can feel my knee moving up and down.

And I hear Ms. Reed say, "Thank you everyone and I'm happy most have been here to take all quizzes so far and have continued to do fairly well, which shows that everyone has been doing the assigned reading. And I do take special note of the students that have made use of that additional space on the quiz sheets. And so, because of your hard work, knowing you haven't had one since last week, I'll have you all work in groups today."

I inhale, not remembering her saying we were going to be in groups today when she always talks to me about class before everyone gets here while I write the outline on the board. I exhale, trying to be okay, remembering everything always works out, but still thinking about going to the front office because I don't want to be in group with him, hearing the desks moving, hearing him moving his desk in front of me, and hear Ms. Reed say, "But before you all get in groups I want to discuss a few changes to how groups will be set up today."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at her, and see her look away, thinking I just saw Ms. Reed smirk at me, and looking at the class she says, "So, today groups will be set up by…."

I exhale, hoping things are okay today. Black Jesus please be watching.

* * *

I exhale writing down the last thing she said about black girls not being 'very smart' because 'you know, they couldn't go to school and stuff' and hear that girl say, "You know and then they would work at those other places, you know the dirty places, where they did things with men for money, you know, those places I just don't wanna say."

I inhale and say, "I think the author called them brothels."

I exhale, writing it down, remembering looking up what a brothel was, and then kind of getting curious, not remembering why I didn't read that the first time I read this chapter months ago. A brothel. Almost like I was reading it for the first time when I was reading those pages this week, seeing that I underlined that word in my book but I guess I never looked it up because I didn't write down what it meant next to it. And I looked it up on my dictionary app. In this book the author said it was where some women had to work if they couldn't find work somewhere else. And black women sometimes, if they didn't want to work at a house where they could get harassed by the white man of the house or where they could be said racists things by the little kids they were taking care of and didn't have money to start a business like a lunch cart where they could sale food, they would sometimes have to work at a brothel. And, looking it up, what brothels were, I ended up looking up some more stuff about them and found out they still exists right now and girls, girls my age, or younger, little girls, are stolen sometimes and put in those places. It happens all over the world, specially to little girls, black girls, dark girls, girls from China, girls from India, girls from Mexico, so many places, all poor girls, girls people don't care about. Little girls. Then I heard that monotone voice say my nickname, I looked up from my phone, blinked, saw him there, looking at me with that face, and I told him we had to do something about this. We have to do something. He said all we can do is make sure to be informed, know it happens, and make sure we take care of the people around us, the little girls around us, because we can't save everyone else or we'll just end up saving nobody. I felt my small smile, told him I remembered him saying that once, right before he had told me he would add me to his plan for the big disaster, that chicken flu week. And then I remembered how I was ten when the chicken flu week happened and I knew two little girls, younger than that, little, and I told him we had to try to save little girls that get stolen and are put in those places, and we had to do it now. Then I felt those tears on my face and I smelled him, hugging me on his bed, two nights ago, when I was looking up this stuff while we were doing homework, reading for school, and knew he was tired, tired from being in school and then working. Then, I kissed his chest and told him I was okay and I wanted to give him a massage. And he let me give him a massage. And while I was giving it to him I told him to go to sleep and I would walk to my house with my sister. He tried to argue with me that it wasn't safe and I reminded him it was still early, my sister would be with me, and we live right in front of each other. And then he let me. And he fell asleep after that massage. But, we still have to save those little girls from those places one day, but maybe, right now we can just take care of the two little girls I know, the two little girls we have here, making sure to maybe be informed about what happens to little girls around the world, those little girls. And I feel my small smile, remembering yesterday during lunch I saw him looking at a website that helps parents of little girls that get stolen, because he's not selfish at all, not even a little, and see those tears on the paper.

I feel that hand on my shoulder, look over at him, see him smile, and he says, "You okay Jazmine?"

I smile at Johnny, nod, take out the handkerchief wiping the tears away, and say, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I looked it up this week, brothels, and found out they still exists, and just how," and I hear that girl say, "How gross they are and those women that work there."

I exhale, see Johnny's small smile, and he says, "I know Jazmine. My father tells me about those places, how I have to know what they are because some of the women, some men to, that came from those places are good church members now but it was hard for them because of the things they saw there. Some of those people even say how they saw really bad things, sinful things, things they don't want to remember that happened there not just to them but to other people, and now they just want to stay on the right path, and that means we don't punish them reminding them of that stuff or about the stuff they saw, probably what you looked up."

I exhale, nod, and say, "Yeah but I also found out people, you know, really little people, get stolen sometimes and taken there."

I see him nod with a serious look and he says, "What did Huey say about it?"

I feel my smirk and say, "That we need to make sure to be informed, know it happens, and make sure we take care of the people around us, you know, make sure to take care of the little girls we have here."

I see him smirk and he says, "I think he forgot to add that you should also know how far the police station is and what legal problems can happen if anyone gets into a fight."

And I can't help and start laughing, remembering the last bookstore we went to, hearing Johnny laughing with me, and hear that girl say, "Wow Jazmine I heard you were weird and now I know you are, laughing at that like it's funny. And I agree with you Johnny, we can't punish those people just because they did those sinful dirty things back then and we need to forgive them but they should at least be going to church to listen to the pastor every Sunday and try to be good people, like what the pastor tells them they should be, you know, like how you are Johnny."

I exhale, looking back down at the paper, knowing she's been flirting with him since we got into group, and I will slap her but Adah already mouthed for me to calm down and it's okay because she trust him.

I hear Johnny exhale and hear him say, "Thank you Lisa but didn't you just say," and I hear her cut him off saying, "It doesn't matter so this Saturday after church class are you just gonna hang out with the pastor?"

I hear Joanna exhale and hear her say, "Such a whore."

I start laughing and hear that girl say, "I am not and I wouldn't be talking with the things you do you devil worshipper."

I exhale, look up at Joanna, and see her dark purple hair in that new pixy haircut that stands out because of that hairband, remembering her hair was longer last week. And I see the dark eyeliner, dark eyes, and that awesome piercing in her nose. So cool. I see her smirk at me and she says, "Only worship him on Sundays."

I can't help and start laughing harder. Oh Black Jesus. I like Joanna. And I'm happy at least someone who's first name starts with a letter between 'I' and 'L' that's in class with Johnny and me is so nice.

I exhale, looking down at the table, see her dark purple nails wondering why I don't like painting mine. I like the color pink, I do, some kind of 'girly' clothes and my hair feeling soft and fluffy when it's down because it makes me think of my grandma, but that's it. I know I don't like wearing that much makeup but it's because I still cry sometimes and I know it's just going to run. And I don't want to wear my waterproof makeup because it's kind of hard to take off so I just don't wear that much makeup, and I just don't have time to do my nails. I barely have time to get the other stuff done, my eyebrows, maybe a massage when my cuddly sister wants one at the mall, and now I trim my own hair. But I just don't do anything else. I wonder if that's okay. Am I supposed to want that stuff? Am I really weird?

I hear Johnny say, "Well you're always welcomed at our church Joanna, just know that."

I exhale. He's such a nice guy.

I hear Joanna say, "Damn Johnny, I mean I knew before but no wonder you can get some chicks."

I feel my smirk, look over at Johnny, see him looking at Joanna with that raised eyebrow, and he says, "I'm sorry?"

I start laughing, hearing Joanna laughing, putting my forehead on the table, feeling Johnny patting my head I think, and say, "Johnny, Joanna's saying you're really nice and some girls like you because of that."

I feel the patting on my head stop, look over at him, feeling my cheek on the paper, see him exhale, looking over at another group, I think where Adah is, seeing that smirk on him, and he says, "I have a girlfriend."

I snicker and hear Joanna say, "What I'm saying, nice and loyal."

And I see Johnny look over at Joanna, see him start snickering shaking his head, and I start laughing.

Then I hear that girl say, "Stop flirting with Johnny you devil worshipper."

Oh Black Jesus.

I exhale, sit up, and see Lisa look at me. I see her click her tongue at me and say, "I will drag you," and hear Joanna say, "Lisa I'ma light a black candle for you tonight if you don't shut up."

I see Lisa inhale, see her eyes get big, and see her look over at Joanna, I think looking scared.

And I hear Johnny say, "Lisa, I don't think Joanna means any harm but I do see you at church and it's not nice of you to talk like that to people, making them feel like anyway about their beliefs, so much they might not want to go to our church if they know you'll be there."

I see Lisa inhale, see her look over at Johnny, and she says, "I'm sorry, but it's not just that, I also heard she does things with guys, you know, those things church class tells us we shouldn't be doing."

I roll my eyes, look down at the paper, thinking about how weird but nice it's been to talk to other people this time, knowing Ms. Reed is super smart.

I hear that girl inhale, maybe mad no one's answering her, not sure, and hear her say, "You know things like with that guy, Cairo."

I feel my eyebrow rise, looking at those notes, thinking about maybe rereading this book one day after I'm done with it, and hear Joanna say, "He's not the first guy I made out with and I don't care about the school saying anything about me, specially when I like girls better, so add that to your gossiping."

Maybe I can read a little of the beginning of the book when I'm at the nursing home. Or, maybe I should just keep reading the chapter I'm on because it's actually talking about some really great stuff, how some black people were able to build their own houses, some even bought buildings to rent to other black people because white people wouldn't rent to them, how they helped each other when they could, how even churches helped giving people places to live close to where they worked. And then there were the nicer neighborhoods where they couldn't live because white people, rich people, wouldn't let people that weren't white and rich live there even if that person did have money, that family had money, only because that family was black. I exhale. And then those black families with money would help build a community when they would buy buildings and rent to other black people. They would help each other. Yeah, I think I'll just keep reading the chapter I'm on and go back to the beginning of the book after I'm done with the book.

I hear the talking, rolling my eyes, and hear Lisa say, "So you do that, make out with guys, and girls? I mean do you really wanna go to hell?"

I exhale, turn the page, start the game, and pass the paper to Johnny.

I feel him grab the paper, look up hearing her inhale, and see her, Lisa, looking at me.

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her exhale, maybe mad I think, and she says, "I heard you're even worse, sleeping at your boyfriend's house."

I feel my smile and say, "Every weekend."

I hear something fall, I think a notebook on the floor, and hear Ms. Reed say, "Is everything okay Cairo?"

I hear him say 'yeah' and feel that paper. I exhale, feeling my smile coming back, looking at the paper, seeing he marked the box. Hmmm. I want to win the first game.

I hear Lisa say, "And I know you went to our church and you're doing that. How are you okay with that when you go to church? I mean, you do know it's a sin right?"

I feel my smirk, hearing the snickering coming from Joanna, and the long exhale coming from Johnny. I look up at Lisa, see her squinting at me, and say, "I think it's a sin for you if you believe it is but my grandma says we gotta always think about good things, things that make us happy, so they won't leave us, and I'm making up those things now, those happy things, and I'm not gonna let what anyone believes is a sin stop me from doing that Lisa, but thank you for caring."

I look back at that paper, hearing the laughing from Joanna, and hear Lisa say, "Of course you say that because everyone knows it's not just him, who I guess some girls like, but other guys, guys that are okay doing things with devil worshippers, those guys like you to so you just don't care about what people think about you being sinful because after him you'll just go to other guys that like you."

I exhale, mark the paper, and pass it back to Johnny. I look up at Joanna, see her smirking at me, and say, "So what kind of music do you listen to?"

I see Joanna exhale with her smile, hearing Lisa exhale, maybe mad, and she says, "The classics really, Beatles, Rolling Stones, some Black Sabbath of course, some nineties girl punk rock bands, but right now I'm into this new artist I just heard about, it's a Japanese artist, Sagen, Sa, can't remember his name but he's so chill, and I just keep thinking I'ma put it on when my girlfriend comes over to just hang out."

I exhale, feeling my smile, and say, "He's called Sagun and he's actually not Japanese but don't worry because it's really confusing because his music kind of reminds you of all those movies that were made by a Japanese director, like Spirited Away, and just so many movies, and all of Sagun's songs kind of have that feeling to them, like you're watching those movies, and I love them, and oh my god, you should listen to Sagun's pandora channel and listen to it with your girlfriend and then watch Spirited Away. Oh my god, we gotta watch that with the girls this weekend. Sorry gotta write this down."

I look down at the paper, not knowing if I was talking way too fast right now, but all I can think about is that list. Where did I put it? In my backpack!

I grab my backpack, way too fast I think, unzipping it as fast as I can, take out my sheet, and write it down.

_30\. Watch Spirited Away!_

I hear the laughing, look up, and feel my smile seeing Adah looking over here, and see her mouth, 'Maybe we'll watch it to.'

I look over at Johnny, see him looking at the list, see his eyebrow rise, and he says, "Is that a list of what you want to do this weekend with your friends?"

I exhale and say, "Kind of. We're babysitting and we're making a list of everything we want to do with the girls."

I see him smirk looking at the list and he says, "Playing Gone with the Wind?"

I look down at the paper, feel my smile, seeing number twelve on the list, and say, "Yes and he is not getting out of it, it is happening."

I hear the laughing, look up, and feel my smile seeing Joanna laughing with her hand over her mouth. I see her nod, bringing down her hand, and she says, "Ain't gonna lie, that's why I had a crush on you, you always been real cute."

I feel my mouth open, feeling my cheeks getting a little red, not sure why, but maybe because Joanna's nice, is really cool, likes girls more than guys I think, and she just said she had a crush on me.

Then I hear Lisa say, "Gross."

I roll my eyes, exhale, trying to make the redness go away, smile at Joanna, and say, "Well thank you. I don't think I try to be cute. I mean my friends even tell me I'm still too Jazzy sometimes."

I see Joanna smirk, hear that exhale from Johnny, and hear him say, "It's true."

I feel my smile, look over at him, see him looking at the list still, and say, "Well Adie likes me being Jazzy just fine and I'm not changing it."

I see him nod looking at the list and he says, "Looking at this list, I don't think that's going to happen Jazmine."

I start snickering and hear Lisa say, "Well you're still a sinner, so about Saturday Johnny, are you gonna be busy? I mean maybe I can bring my bible over and you and me and the pastor can read it together."

I exhale, looking down at the list, and hear Johnny say, "I'll be with my girlfriend but thank you. Hopefully you'll read it that night anyways. Count to ten, find them, and tickle them until they ask for kisses, Jazmine?"

I feel my big smile, seeing number twenty on the list, and say, "Yes, that's definitely happening after they find all the blue and yellow things in the house they can carry to the living room so we can make a fort out of them."

So much fun.

And I hear them laughing, start laughing with them, and hear that voice say, "So what, you're too good for this school because you're seeing that guy? I mean I heard he goes to Newberry, public school Newberry, where those people go. How low Mackenzie."

I inhale, look over my shoulder, feel that hand on my other shoulder from Johnny, and see Mackenzie and Michelle in the other group of 'M' through 'Q.' I see Mackenzie looking down at her paper and Michelle just looking at her like that, like Mackenzie's gross or something, or maybe like she's, she's.

I inhale, seeing Michelle squint at Mackenzie, and hear Johnny say, "Jazmine, wait a minute. Remember, she's been hanging out with you and Adah."

I exhale, nod, seeing Mackenzie looking down at her paper, and hear her say, "Why do you care so much Michelle that you probably even asked where he goes to school? Why? I mean you have what you want right, even if people know it's always gonna be a fight with her? So why do you care about me or who I'm seeing or why I don't wanna go on a date with that guy? And you know what, it doesn't matter okay. It's my life and I can go on a date with someone from Newberry if I want to and they can be anything, even royalty, because he treats me like that, like a princess, even if he doesn't know about that part of my family, he still does, and maybe you're just jealous."

I feel my smile, hear the inhales, and some 'oohs.' And I see Michelle inhale, lifting her hand, feeling myself moving forward, and hear Mackenzie say, "If you touch me I'll tell my family."

I see Michelle's eyes get big and she says, "Seriously? Why? For a guy that you just started dating? Are you also gonna tell them about the other things, when it was your fault that you fell or hit yourself, because you're just a princess, a crybaby?"

I exhale, feeling Johnny holding me down I think, see those chocolate brown eyes look up from her paper, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing her hand in a fist with that handkerchief sticking out of it.

I look up at those eyes, see her look at Michelle, and hear Mackenzie say, "There's nothing wrong with crying when someone you loved passes on Michelle and yes, I'll tell my family about all those times you shoved me, pushed me, and made me fall, telling me you didn't even touch me when you did, always after talking to you about how nice it was that my papa made my nana feel like she was royalty, because she is royalty, a duchess when she married my papa, and you've always been jealous of that, and I don't know why. My other friends aren't jealous, they even help me think about that stuff and say how romantic it is because it is romantic. But you, you've always been like this, were always a bad friend, so much you want me to go out with that guy only because you know I'm seeing someone that I like and I don't care that he goes to Newberry. I like him. And he treats me like a princess because I am. And I'm gonna keep seeing him, hopefully I'm gonna treat him like he deserves, because that's what god wants me to do, what the pastor tells us to do every Sunday, to treat each other with love and respect, but you're not there to hear it or you're late, so just leave me alone, don't talk to me, we're done with the assignment, and if you touch me ever I will tell my family and they can call your family."

I see Michelle inhale and hear a voice say, "I will interfere if there is a need for it. Is there a need for it Michelle, seeing as you were the one who started talking to Mackenzie?"

I see Michelle look away, mad I think, and hear her say, "No Ms. Reed."

I exhale, look over at Mackenzie, and see her looking down at her paper again with those watery eyes. I inhale and say, "Ms. Reed can I," and I hear Adah say, "Let me take her Jazzy. Can I take Mackenzie to the restroom Ms. Reed?"

I look over at Ms. Reed, see her smile looking over me at Adah, and see her nod.

I hear those steps, see Adah pass me, and feel her touch my shoulder. I see her walk up to Mackenzie, lean down, and hug her.

Then I feel my small smile hearing Adah whisper something to Mackenzie, see Mackenzie nod, and grab her backpack.

And I see Mackenzie take out her bible, stand up, and walk out with Adah.

I exhale, look over my shoulder, and see Johnny looking at the door with his smirk, blushing I think.

I feel my smirk, knowing Mackenzie and Adah will be okay because creepy people haven't come back to school and they're together, and I look down at the paper, at the game.

Then I hear, "So Johnny?"

I roll my eyes, mark the paper, pass it over to him, and feel him grab it.

I hear Lisa continue, "Really, I mean you're a good person Johnny so I know that's why you're still you know, there, but just know you don't have to stay there just because you are a good person, you can you know, leave if you want, because god wants you to be with a good girl that goes to church class with you and can be, you know, in all the right places with you."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at Lisa, and hear Johnny's long exhale. And I see her looking at him like that, smiling, like she's just so right, so, so dumb, and hear myself say, "You're so wrong."

I see Lisa look at me, see her exhale, like she's mad at me for saying the truth, and hear him say, "Jazmine's right."

I see her look over at Johnny with her open mouth, with that look, like he hurt her feelings, and hear him say, "I'm there, in a relationship with my girlfriend, because I want to be there, and because if she wants to stay with me I'm gonna want her to come with me everywhere, even my church classes if she wants to go, but I'll never tell her she has to go, and really I only want her to go because I want my friends to meet her, to get to know her, to see how much of a good honest girl she is, how smart she is, how much she knows about her parent's religion, how much she knows about my family's beliefs, how much I learn just from talking to her, being in a relationship with her, being her friend, because that's what my father says relationships should be, friendships where we trust and respect each other, take care of each other in good honest ways, and don't make each other do things we don't want to do, anything, even going to my church class, if she ever wants to go or if she doesn't, and you're wrong saying she can't be in places with me."

I exhale, feeling my smile, seeing Lisa's mouth open like that still, and hear a voice say, "Maybe I will stroll down there this Sunday and listen to the good pastor."

And I see Lisa look over at Joanna, looking scared again, and I can't help but start laughing, hearing Joanna laughing, and Johnny saying she can meet him and Adah in the front of church so she doesn't sit alone.

I exhale. Such a nice guy.

Then I hear Lisa say, "I'm sorry Johnny. I just want you to, you know, stay on the right path, and I know you're a good person, and that's all I want, so if you ever, you know, don't want to stay there, then just know a good girl will always want to be your friend, you know, like one that sits in the front of our church class."

I exhale, put my forehead on the table, and hear myself say, "Black Jesus."

I hear the laughing from Johnny, snickers from Joanna, and hear Joanna say, "Never heard that but it makes sense, I mean he was middle eastern."

I feel my eyes open and look up, feeling my mouth open. I see Joanna looking at me with her smirk and hear Johnny say, "You do know a little about the history of religions."

I see Joanna look over at Johnny, see her blush, maybe embarrassed, and she says, "Just a little. I did look into some of them and then decided I just didn't believe."

I exhale and say, "Well if you want, only because I know he doesn't care, I can send you a whole essay he wrote on Black Jesus after the play. I mean he made me read it and I was eleven, not knowing what some of the words even meant, needing to ask my mom or other people, and then going back to him asking him what it meant, but I have it in my email and I can send it to you."

I see Joanna look at me, see her nod with her smile, and hear Johnny say, "Jazmine, can you, um?"

I nod, take my phone out of my pocket, and say, "Putting a reminder in my phone, will send it to both of you. Joanna I need your email."

I hear Joanna laugh, see those purple nails grab the paper with our notes and the game, and hear her writing down her email, as I'm putting my reminder in for Johnny. Then I see her move the paper over to me and see her email address and her phone number.

I smile, saving both in phone, finishing the reminder, and say, "I'll send it to both of you tonight, promise."

I hear the exhales and hear Joanna say, "So you didn't say who, but I'm guessing your boyfriend wrote it?"

I hear that inhale, I think from him again, like I've been hearing most of the period, just trying to ignore it, not remembering when he started doing that whenever people call Huey my boyfriend, and I look up at Joanna. I see her smirking at me, feeling my smile, thinking about what she just said, remembering how long it took me to read that essay, and say, "He did and I think it was ten pages long and it took me weeks to read it because I had to keep asking what different words meant. I mean I almost gave up, thinking it was taking me too long, and then he was asking me questions about it, almost quizzing me on it, and then I told him I didn't know if I could finish it. I mean I was eleven, trying to get through six grade, and then he told me to just take my time even if it took me forever as long as I didn't give up. And I didn't give it. I finished it. But I think I should probably read it again now that I know some of those words a lot better."

I exhale, feeling my smile, remembering that monotone voice telling me on our hill about not giving up on it because I wasn't 'no damn quitter like the white man wants us to be.'

I see Joanna nod with her smirk and she says, "Damn. See, that's what is it, trusting each other to read each other's stuff, telling each other to not quit, then asking what they think about it, and just you know, knowing about each other's stuff like that, that well. And then learning about each other like Johnny and his girlfriend and, you know, just being good to each other. And that's all it's gotta be, no matter who you're with. And people that try telling you that you have other places to go, other people to be with, you know, when you decide you don't wanna be with who you're with right now aren't getting it. They're just not getting it that that's probably not gonna happen because they keep saying that, and they really don't get that it's specially not gonna happen with them because they don't respect that you're with someone, maybe not thinking the more they're pushing themselves onto you like that the more you're not gonna want them, like my girlfriend tells me her ex-boyfriend is doing with her when it doesn't make sense because he didn't care about her, treating her like he did. I mean those people don't see it's just gonna make that person wanna be with the person they're with right now even more, maybe so much it won't change, and because of that my girlfriend said when I turn eighteen, since she'll be nineteen already, we're moving to California where we can get married if we want, because her ex-boyfriend that's not respecting our relationship is just making her see how much more she wants to be with me."

I exhale, wondering if maybe we can have Joanna in our group all the time, and hear Lisa say, "Well god doesn't want two girls getting married, right Johnny?"

I inhale, looking down at the paper, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Johnny won, again. Darn it. He's too good at this game.

And I hear Johnny say, "I know what that bible tells us if that's what you're asking Lisa but I'm not the pastor, I'm my father's son, and I want to try to not judge that part of a person's life, maybe because someone I know, somehow who has some beliefs I don't agree with, told me they don't judge that part of a person's life, and it made sense, maybe because I don't want people judging me for being with a good honest girl whose parents are Jewish or judging her for being with someone who is the pastor's son when she could be with someone else that knows more about her parent's religion, a religion I'm still learning the history about because there's just so much to it. And really, when it comes to relationships, I just hope listening to the pastor talk about what they're supposed to be like helps me trying to make her happy, like the pastor says god wants me to do."

I look up at Johnny, see him looking down at the table, smirking a little, maybe thinking about what he just said, and hear a voice say, "And that's why you get chicks."

I see Johnny look up at Joanna, see him smirk shaking his head, and hear Joanna, I think some other students, and me, all snickering. Then I see Johnny exhale with that smirk and he says, "Even if that mattered, I have a girlfriend."

And I hear the door open, hear those steps, and hear the chair where Mackenzie was sitting move. I see Adah pass by, kiss Johnny on his cheek, and continue walking to her desk, hearing Lisa exhale really loud.

And I start laughing with Joanna, seeing Johnny blushing with that smirk, looking at Adah's group, where I can hear the chair where Adah was sitting move.

So cute.

I exhale, kind of happy with today's group, even if I still miss Adah and Mackenzie, and I look down at the paper, start the new game, and hear Joanna say, "So who you babysitting?"

I pass the paper to Johnny, look up at Joanna, feel my smile, seeing her smiling at me, and say, "I guess they're friends of the family but we've known them since they were little, actually before they were even born we met them because I remember their mom coming once to visit when she was pregnant and just running around her in circles trying to figure out if she was gonna fall over and needed a chair."

I hear the laughing and hear a chair next to me move. I look over, see her sitting in that chair, feeling my smile, and hug Mackenzie, telling her I missed her.

I hear her giggle and hear her say, "I asked Ms. Reed and she said since we were done in our group and class is almost over I could come over and hang out."

I exhale, pull away, see her smiling at me, and say, "And I am so proud of you even if we're like the same age, I don't care, I am just so, so proud."

I see her start giggling harder, see her nod, and hear Joanna say, "Damn, shit I heard and I don't know you that well and I'm proud."

I see Mackenzie look at Joanna, see her nod, blush, maybe embarrassed, and she says, "Thank you and I like the haircut you got, it's really pretty with that color and that yellow hairband."

I feel my eyes open, look over at Joanna, and say, "Faye faye!"

I see Joanna look at me, see her big smile, seeing how pretty she is, and she says, "You know the space cowboy?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, I think feeling my smirk that would make Huey proud, and say the first thing I think of, "Bang."

I see her lean in, see that dark black eyebrow rise with her smirk, and she says, "You know he hates three things right?"

I exhale, roll my eyes, and say, "Yeah, but I love kids, animals, specially corgis, and of course, women with attitude, even if my space cowboy doesn't."

I see that smirk almost turn into that evil smirk my cuddly sister has and she says, "You know, I always liked girls better, always, but Spike was probably my biggest anime crush."

I exhale, leaning back in my chair, feeling a little relaxed thinking about our Sunday mornings when I wake up to my show, feeling my face get a little red for some reason, and say, "Still mine."

I hear the laughing, I know some from outside our little group, making me laugh, a little embarrassed, and hear that voice over my shoulder say, "Wait, I wanna know what's going on, please?" I look over at my shoulder feeling that chin, and feel my smile, seeing her big eyes, that lower lip sticking out, that puppy dog look. And I start laughing hearing a lot of students laughing.

I exhale, remembering how cute it was when my sister got like that, a little jealous, after Adah said I was her 'best double date friend,' feeling my smile knowing I get to have my sister and so many friends, and it's only been a year and a half since he left. A year and a half of being so happy.

And I hear Joanna say, "You have to tell me there are more than two people in this class with actual good taste in anime, you know, anime that's not about blowing things up and girls that are wearing nothing."

I hear the exhales from other students and see Adah looking at Joanna with that lower lip sticking out, making Joanna, Mackenzie, and me all laugh.

Then I hear Joanna exhale and hear her say, "Alright, well Cowboy Bebop is one of those shows you gotta watch to know about it but I can tell you one of the sayings in the show is 'see you space cowboy' because he is a cowboy, you know, just minding his own business, trying to get bounties off criminals, sometimes making those criminals friends. I mean to me the best part of the show is knowing Spike was basically in," and I feel my eyes open, look over at her, and say, "Joanna no, they gotta watch it!"

I see that eyebrow rise with her smirk, exhale, feeling embarrassed, and say, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been that loud, but I think I know what you were gonna say and I know people can look it up but it's better if they watch it not knowing that part and you know, just figure it, how kind of dark and scary and a little cool that is."

I see her exhale with her smile and she says, "You like them brooders don't you?"

I exhale, feeling my face getting so red, look down at the paper, thinking about all those times I would look up, see him sitting as his desk, reading one of his books or on his computer with that look like he was mad or focused, thinking how cute he looked, comparing him a little to Spike when he was sitting, just waiting for something to happen. Comparing that tall boy with Spike, thinking how alike they looked, looking bored but focused, knowing where everyone in the room or casino or the spaceship was, or looking out the window of swordfish, ready to take down the police that were chasing him or that criminal he wanted to catch for the bounty. Or sometimes comparing them when Spike was doing his martial arts, how weirdly hot that was, to now when I kind of, maybe, a little, watch Huey 'sparring' with one of the guys, just watching him, feeling myself drooling a little. And then, remembering what I'm doing, looking over at the girls, seeing them looking at their boyfriends, I think drooling a little to, laughing, seeing them all laughing with me, and seeing them all get up so we can keep training to. And now, now, just watching him sitting there, on his computer or reading a book, focused, with those white t-shirts he likes to wear to go to sleep in, knowing for sure what's under those white t-shirts now.

I exhale and hear myself say, "So much."

I hear the laughing, feeling my mouth open, knowing I just said that out loud, and hear that voice say, "I don't get it."

I exhale, see the paper again, where Johnny already marked his box, and mark mine, knowing for sure I'm winning this one, and hear Joanna say, "It's a cartoon, you know, fun, no matter who you are. What's not to get?"

I hear that inhale, look up at Lisa, see her look away from me, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear her say, "Not that weird cartoon. You. You're all weird. And I don't get why they like you. I mean I don't care, I really don't, but even you, even if you like girls and that's a sin, guys still think you're pretty, so much they even like kissing you, and I just don't get it. Like maybe you kind of are pretty, maybe, but still, you're weird, all of you, you all like weird stuff, and you don't even follow the rules god has for us, so what's so, you know, nice about you? I don't get it."

I exhale, seeing Lisa's long dark blonde braid, her dark black eyes, her school uniform that I think she wears every day maybe because she likes it, almost like she's in one of those religious schools where they make them wear uniforms, how cute it kind of makes her look, and say, "Well you are pretty Lisa and your uniform is cute so I don't think you should care if anyone likes anyone at this school and I don't know, hopefully you don't think we're weird forever and try being our friend."

I feel the paper, look down at it, feeling my smirk, mark it, and hear Lisa say, "Um, thank you, I guess. Maybe, I don't know, I won't be jealous, because that's a sin to."

I feel my eyes open, look up at her, see her looking at her desk, and hear Adah say, "Why don't you come to the club?"

I see Lisa look up at Adah, see her exhale, maybe mad, and she says, "Because you let anyone in there and I don't think it's right when it's supposed to be the Christian club for people that really follow the rules and I know some people in there don't follow them."

I exhale, feeling that paper, look down at it, and hear Adah say, "Well that's true."

I look over at her, see her smirk, and start laughing, hearing our group laughing, even Johnny.

I hear Lisa inhale and she says, "You're okay saying that? I mean I know you're not even really Christian and you're talking about others that are. Is that the kind of girl you like Johnny?"

I exhale, feeling Adah putting her hand on my shoulder, look down at the paper before I say anything, knowing Adah can defend herself, and hear Adah say, "Well, you're right, a lot of people don't follow all the rules, even me, because I don't to go your church class on Saturday, mostly because I want my boyfriend to have that for himself where he can talk to god and his friends and not have me there taking his attention from that because that's really important to him. And you're right that I'm not really Christian because I was born Jewish, still am really, but I want to learn not just because it's my boyfriend's beliefs but because even before we started dating I was kind of curious about it, a little, just how people who weren't born Christian but converted to be Christian could do it, really believe it, or even be born-again, like my parents called it, and then they let me read about it online, and told me if I wanted to ever know more maybe I could learn it from people my age that were Christian and I asked Johnny."

I hear that exhale, not looking up because I still don't want to say anything that could be really mean to that girl, because she seems, feels, lost to me, a little, and hear her say, "So that's how you started dating, because you asked Johnny to teach you about the bible?"

I feel my eyebrow rise hearing her sounding curious now, not mad, and hear Johnny say, "Well, no, we started talking about the bible and the teachings because we were friends, we started dating for other reasons that only god, the pastor, and Adah and myself need to know about, and to answer your question, yes, Adah is the kind of honest girl I like."

I hear Lisa exhale, longer this time, look up at her, see her nod at Johnny, and hear Adah say, "Lisa?"

I see Lisa look at Adah, see her exhale, maybe sad, maybe jealous I think, see her nod, and hear Adah say, "I know okay. I know that a lot people are not okay with Johnny dating me, some even good people that go to his church, some that still look at me weird because they know I was born Jewish. And, I don't like it, how they look at me, because I know it makes my boyfriend feel bad, thinking it's hurting my feelings, but I tell him it doesn't hurt my feelings because I'm just happy to be there, at his church, where his dad's a really good pastor that treats me really nicely, always smiles at me, and that's all I care about, because I think the pastor can tell if someone's a good person deep down inside and he still smiles at me like I am a good person, and that's all that matters to me, what the pastor and maybe a little puppy think. And those people that are looking at me like that, even if they don't think they're sinning, they are, because they're making Johnny feel bad, Johnny's who's been a good guy, a good friend, a good boyfriend, ever since I met him in middle school, doesn't deserve for them to look at his girlfriend, any girlfriend he ever has like that, even if that girlfriend is not me but someone smarter or really pretty or that was born Christian, he doesn't. He deserves to be treated with respect and love, like whoever his girlfriend is, even if that girl is someone that goes to his church class, someone like you who he tells me really wants to be there, teaches his other friends when you all have class together, someone who's just happy to be there, like how he knows you are. But, until he doesn't want to be with me, until he says he wants us to not be together, I'm gonna keep showing up, learning as much as I can, reading on my own about both religions, the one that helped my family get through losing a lot of people, and the other one that makes me happy because so many people believe in it. And some believe in it so much they're born-again or convert, even if those people sometimes don't follow all the rules, are a little mean and don't talk to me at church, or even in the club, because I know deep down inside they're good people, because the pastor says they are, and I believe the pastor, and my parents believe the pastor, and they told me to believe him, listen to what he says if I am gonna go to your church, and I listen to my parents. So."

I exhale, feeling my smile, looking at those dark brown baby hairs coming out from those two buns, feeling so proud again, and hear Adah continue, "So maybe you should try to come to the club, just once if you want, try to teach them there about the rules they should follow, teach them about your Saturday class if you know they don't go, and more important, as my friend says, the most important, is that you don't let any bad feelings, like being scared or jealous or any bad feelings stop you from coming, maybe meeting people, teaching us what you know, because I don't think god wants someone that's a good Christian to not teach us how to be a good Christian or even a better one. And I don't know, I call it just being a brave, smart, girl with a strong personality but sometimes I call it being like that friend, so do that, bring your lunch on Monday to our club room and make sure to tell us about whatever you learned at your Saturday class."

I exhale, knowing this has been an awesome period, and hear Lisa say, in kind of a tiny voice, "Okay and." I hear her exhale, look over at her, see her looking at Adah with pursed lips, and she says, "Thank you for being so nice when I wasn't. I'll pray when I get home."

I feel my lips purse, feeling a little bad for her, and hear Joanna say, "So it ain't only Johnny that can get some cute chicks."

I start giggling, seeing Lisa get completely red, I think from Joanna calling her cute, I think seeing Lisa smile at little looking away from Joanna, wondering if she's thinking about how Joanna likes girls more than guys and she just called her cute.

And then I notice the laughing I think of almost everyone in the class, knowing we're kind of in the middle of the class, hoping people didn't hear all of that, and hear a voice say, "I do love this class the most."

I feel my eyes open, look over at Ms. Reed over my shoulder, and see her exhale looking down at her papers on her desk.

And I see Ms. Reed look up I think feeling us all looking at her, see her smile, and she says, "I ask that you do not tell students you know are in any of my other classes or it could create some form of jealousy over your class and I want to avoid an influx of students trying to change periods just to be in this class where we have a comfortable size in the number of students. Do you all understand?"

I start laughing, hearing the laughing, and hear some of us say 'Yes Ms. Reed.'

Then I hear that bell.

Oh black Jesus.

And I look back at the paper and say, "Yes! I win!"

I hear that exhale, look up at Johnny over those two buns, see him smirk at me, and he says, "You are getting better at not falling for the easy tricks."

I feel my smile and hear him say my name.

I see Johnny exhale, looking annoyed, and he says, "I'll take it up. Go."

I nod, grabbing my backpack, stand up, hearing them say bye, and say, "I'll text everyone. Bye."

I walk around the students, zipping up my backpack, and hear him call me. I say bye to Ms. Reed, push the door open, and turn, feeling my smile.

I walk up to him, grab that phone out of his hand, put it in my pocket, grab his hand, and start walking down the hallway.

I hear him exhale, feel him walk up to me, feeling those warm fingers going through mine, too warm, hot, and getting to the staircase, I say, "Nothing happened but since the girls are coming tomorrow, after I spend time with my mom and sister tonight, it would be nice if you would crawl through my window."

I feel that pull, turn back to look at him, and feel those soft lips kiss me, right in front of the staircase, hearing really dumb girls saying how sweet he is, kissing me here in front of the staircase.

I feel those lips move away, open my eyes, see that half smile, and he says, "Fine."

I feel my smile, turn back to the staircase, and start walking again, feeling him holding my hand still, but this time with those fingers not as warm, like he's not mad anymore. I wonder what the heck was happening right now that made him that mad. I'll ask him later.

* * *

That fucken idiot. Every damn time, every fucken time following her out. Five feet behind her. Fuck.

And I hear that laughing, feeling my exhale, grab the cups, knowing the substance with the overabundance of chocolate and sugar, that's actually quiet enjoyable when it's cold outside, is at the right temperature now. But, it's not cold outside, it's March, on a Saturday night, and they wanted to have them try both that lemonade and this drink.

And I feel it on my face walking into it, that 'fort' they built that looks like it's doomed to fall in less than two minutes with all of those books and household items, pillows, blankets, all blue and yellow for whatever Jazmine reasons, as the foundation of that creation.

And hear that voice say, "Uncle Howie help me! Tickles!"

I put the cups down on the small table that's good enough for that but nothing else, go around that 'fort' I'll teach them how to construct one day properly, grab those hips pulling her off, and pull her into me. I feel her inhale as I go under that shirt and start what she calls 'tickling' and I call lightly pulling on those ribs, hearing that laughing.

I hear her telling me to stop and say, "Are you going to let that child that's half your age breathe?"

I hear the laughing coming from the girl on the couch, possibly laughing at the girl in my arms that can't stop laughing as I'm pulling over those ribs, and hear that voice say, "Never!"

I exhale, go down to that stomach, feeling her bending down, trying to escape my grasp, and pull her into me again, putting my hands above that stomach, under those ribs, pulling on that skin over them, hearing her ask for mercy.

I exhale, feeling it, feeling it in my stomach, and hear her say she'll let that girl that's still laughing on the couch breathe.

I let go, pulling that shirt down, and pat that ass, just enough, hearing her inhale with that pat, and hear Tamera say, "Uncle Howie I liked that, you sound, um."

I look down at Tamera and see her exhale, looking down at her lap, possibly thinking about her words. I hear those steps as Jazmine's walking away and hear Tamera continue, "Um, it sounds happy."

I exhale, knowing I might have, possibly, know I did, just laugh, and feel that pat on my backside, feeling my eyebrow rise, possibly my damn face getting warm. I look over at her, see her walking up to Tamera holding that cup, and hear her say, "It does sound happy Tam Tam and you're really smart to see that and now I want you to try this but only a little bit okay because you're gonna go to sleep soon."

I see Tamera look up at that cup and see those big eyes, possibly seeing the contents of that cup. I exhale, mildly forgetting that Jazmine just patted my backside, and focus on how much sugar that drink has, knowing this is going to carry on for hours if she has too much.

I exhale and say, "Jazmine, are you sure about this?"

I see those hands grab the cup, not waiting for a reply from anyone apparently, and see Tamera take a drink of that hot chocolate.

I exhale, seeing her eyes get possibly bigger as she's taking another drink, and see Jazmine take the cup away laughing, telling her she could only have a little and tomorrow she can have more.

I see Tamera nod, not throwing a tantrum as most children her age would, or at least my brother would have, wondering if it's possible to raise children, black children, in this world, that do not have that fear of the world instilled in them at such a young age, that are well-behaved, and that are possibly happy, and hear a voice say, "Oh snap, we staying up all damn," and hear that slap.

I look over at the entrance of their living room and see my brother rubbing the back of his head.

I see Cindy next to him rolling her eyes, carrying Tia in those night clothes with wet hair, and she says, "Riles you knows you can't be saying stuff like the 'd' word right now."

And I hear another voice say, "Auntie Cinny and Auntie Jazzy I want some like Tam Tam. Pretty please?"

I exhale, putting my head down, feel that kiss on my chin, knowing I'm asking for more later, and hear that voice say, "Okay TT but you listen to Auntie Cindy about only tasting a little okay and tomorrow you and Tam Tam can have more or maybe more of that good lemonade, okay?"

I hear that possible giggle from Tia, look up, and see that smile with that front tooth missing, remembering Jazmine saying it made her look 'cute' and we were taking pictures. And then they took those pictures. Then they played that game in their backyard, hide and seek, where I believe Jazmine and Cindy's sole goal was to tickle those two when they would find them. After that they set up their 'fort' for the night while they had them eat cut up fruit as a snack since they had dinner before they were dropped off. Then they did homework in the kitchen, as I sat there, watching them, making sure to not interrupt them, forgetting how long it was before I got a notification about that case, and then read the new findings to Jazmine as my brother and them made those pieces of sugar with Tamera and Tia.

I exhale, seeing Tia taking that drink, as my brother who's only fifteen and I believe has never held a child before is holding her, seeing Cindy holding that cup as she's letting Tia take a drink of that hot chocolate, and feel those long arms going around my torso.

I put my hands on top of those warm hands, her hands, feeling relaxed, knowing they're all safe, here, with Sarah at Leo's house, and hear her say, "I know bestie, I know you're thinking about that case about that man, but remember all that happened is what we already knew, it was a homicide, a murder, and now we have to wait for them to find out more okay. And everything is okay so try to not worry too much, maybe just think about how cute Riley looks right now not knowing how to hold Tia because he thinks she's gonna fall."

And I feel my smirk seeing that possible fear on my brother's face that she is going to fall when there is no possible way with the way he's holding her with both arms like she's a full grown child, hearing myself possibly doing it again, laughing, and feel that weight on my leg.

I look down, see Tamera putting her head on my leg, feeling my eyebrow rise, feeling her putting her arms around my leg, and hear her say, "Uncle Howie, sleepy time."

I exhale and say, "Tamera with everything you did today you should shower first."

I feel those arms leave my torso, see that blonde afro move in front of me, and see her bend down, like she did with that girl in Chicago some time ago.

And, seeing Tamera look up at her, I hear that voice say, "Come on Tam Tam, let's take you a nice warm, fast bath and then we'll brush your teeth and put you to bed okay?"

I see Tamera possibly smile at Jazmine, feel her let go of me, and see Jazmine open those long arms. And I exhale, seeing Jazmine pick up Tamera.

I walk around them and say, "I'll get the bath ready at the right temperature."

I hear that laughing from my brother and Cindy possibly remembering me bringing out the water temperature device to ensure it was at the right level, and hear Tia say, "Water warm and bubbles and so many toys."

I walk around my brother and Cindy, hearing my brother taking credit for everything but the temperature of the water, and walk up the staircase to the bathroom, hearing that voice behind me telling Tamera to not fall asleep with promises of a really good bedtime story.

And I feel that thud, that thud in my chest, the thud of that organ, and know I possibly, maybe wouldn't change a damn thing about this world today, because things are as they are, unless those changes come through my own work and drive, starting with making sure that water is the precise temperature it should be for a girl, a child, a child who's possibly well-behaved, happy, black, and her age, taking a warm bath.

* * *

I see her sit on his lap and look over at the cafeteria door. This is going to be bad.

I exhale. Black Jesus, please, please take care of them, no matter how they've ever been with my friends and me.

I feel that head on my shoulder and hear that voice say, "You praying for 'em like I tol' you not to sis?"

I feel my smirk, look over at that soft blonde head, kiss it, and say, "How'd you know?"

I hear that deep sweet laugh I love, put my head on top of hers, closing my eyes, listening to that cute laugh, how much I love her, and hear her say, "Cuz I know you."

I exhale and say, "I love you."

And then I hear that slap, the yelling, and hear her say, "You knows, I ain't ever gonna get tired of seeing hoes fight at this school, specially for fools who making that shit happen for reasons that just don't make sense."

I feel my eyes open, see Mr. Ramirez and Mr. Fred, who I'm not gonna call 'Fred' no matter how nice he is and how much he tells us it's okay, and inhale seeing Mr. Leon talking, yelling really, at Ashley and Michelle.

I know what Huey said, to stay away from him, don't be alone with him, because he doesn't trust him, but.

I see him talking to them, not yelling anymore, and hear my sister tell me to tell her what they're saying.

I exhale, trying, but I'm still learning how to lipread, seeing his lips moving, and repeat, "Both fighting for that when not worth it and only getting you in trouble and what would parents say."

I exhale, see Mr. Leon looking at Ashley, see his eyes get big hearing her say something I can't understand, and see him take a step up to her, feeling my eyebrow rise.

I hear my sister say, "Oh shit, you think he finally gonna do some shit sis, cuz that fucker needs to be getting the boot hopefully up his ass?"

I exhale, shaking my head, and say, "I don't know but," and I see Mr. Leon turn to Michelle, I think after she said something, and then I see him look over here, at us.

I inhale, feeling my face get like that, like it does when he looks at us sometimes, feeling a little grossed out and scared, a little, because he looks at us like he maybe hates us, but still, with that look, like he's looking for something, maybe something to use to get us in trouble. And then I see him look down, I think under our table, feeling my eyes open because I'm wearing a skirt today, a long jean skirt that is kind of tight around my hips and thighs but flares around my knees so I can walk in it, feeling so naked right now for some reason, and feel those legs go over my legs, feeling my sister's legs covering my thighs and the side of my legs, feeling her hugging me.

I exhale, see him look up at me, see him look back at Michelle, and hear myself repeat what he's saying, "'Course he is and you two fall for it."

I blink, not knowing for sure what they're saying but not liking it. I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "Sis, close your eyes, don't be seeing that shit."

I exhale, close my eyes, trusting my little sister, and put my head back on the wall. I hear the yelling I think from Ashley, I think telling Mr. Leon the school rules are 'stupid and you're only saying that cuz it's Cairo.'

And I hear that voice I love say, "She right."

I exhale and say, "Well the school rules are the rules but it does feel, a little, I mean all the time, that if it's a couple where they're both, you know, 'not the same ethnicity and that could create psychological problems' like Mr. Leon's said so many times, and specially if someone in the couple is black, doesn't matter if it's the guy or the girl, and the other person isn't black, it's even worse for them, for us. Like it feels like they're just watching us to make sure we're not too close to our boyfriends, like they think just hugging or kissing our boyfriends for more than five seconds is gonna create problems or even get us pregnant. I mean even Lena and Phil gotta be careful to not hug 'too long' or Mr. Leon gets on them to. Like I don't get it because when it's a couple that dumb, ignorant people say can date each other then they're okay with, well Mr. Leon's okay with them making out with tongue and everything in the hallway, but when it's us that are dating people that are 'not like us and we shouldn't date' all of a sudden we're gonna get pregnant by making out with them, kind of like."

I exhale, feeling my smirk, and start giggling, hearing my sister giggling with me.

And I hear my sister say, "Kinda like they think we're bumping and grinding first damn day cuz we got 'em so we just can't fucken control ourselves and we just gonna end up hiding a little basketball under our shirts all cuz we got black guys or guys that ain't like us and we just can't stop doing it with them. I mean kinda feels like those ignorant people even got this crazy ass fantasy 'bout dating someone that 'ain't like them,' maybe some fantasy 'bout dating you know, what they tell 'emselves they can't date, kinda like they be the ones obsessed with dating a black guy, someone that ain't like them but ain't got that balls to do it or just too fucken dumb and ignorant to see it."

And I hear that yelling again and hear Mr. Ramirez telling Mr. Fred to take Michelle because it's only going to get worse if they don't take them to the main office.

I exhale hearing Mr. Leon blaming Cairo and saying how he should go to the main office to, hearing the yelling, and hear someone say my name.

I inhale and hear my sister say, "Don't be opening your eyes sis and let me take care of this."

I exhale, nod, and hear her say, "Look hoe! Cuz you are a fucken hoe! And Leon you stay your ass right there or I'ma taser your ass and you ain't gotta know where the fuck I got a taser but I got one!"

I inhale, feeling her massaging my hand, and hear her say, "Now you hoe that put your hands on my sister when they're wasn't no fight and you just fucken walked up behind her like that, like the little bitch you are, and for some guy who ain't into your ass cuz if he was he wouldn't have another ass on his lap two minutes ago, get this through your fucken head hoe, none of that shit gotta do with my sister! None of it! So shut the fuck up and keep fighting over some guy that don't want you and don't be bringing in no one just cuz you pissed that he fucking with you like a fucken rodeo show, both your asses, and I 'on't give a fuck how fucked up that shit is cuz you two doing it to yourselves, and one more thing!"

I exhale, squeeze that small strong hand back, and hear her say, "You ever, ever you piece a shit Leon look at my sister like that again I will fucken cut your balls!"

I inhale and open my eyes, turning to look at her. I see those dark ocean blue eyes looking where Ashley and they are and say, "Sis."

I see her exhale, hearing the yelling, hearing our friends sitting down, Ming and Lauren coming back from the lunch line with their boyfriends, Riley sitting down next to her after coming back from the main office, and feel that heat sliding in next to me, as I see those blue eyes look at me.

I exhale, go up, kiss her forehead, feeling her exhale, and hear her say, "I only ever, ever listen to our mama, you, Riles, and people at this table, listen to us, kay?"

I exhale, move back, smile at her, and say, "Promise sissy."

I see that smile, that smile that belongs to mom and me, feeling him putting that extra sweater over my shoulders he went to get to his locker because I was cold from the air conditioning they already started using in the cafeteria and I'm only wearing a regular t-shirt, and hear that voice say, "Hiro."

I hear that exhale from Hiro, see that cute evil smirk on my sister, and hear Hiro say, "Damn Riley, starting to think you paying 'em to start shit your week of the month and not wait 'til my week comes up cuz even at my old schools girls didn't get in fights this much but a'ight, bring you the money day after I get paid."

I feel my mouth open and start laughing with our friends. Oh Black Jesus, Riley and Hiro with their bets.

* * *

_Despite the growth of new communities, the extension of the city limits, and the rhetoric_. Underline that word._ rhetoric of boosters_. Boosters? Okay, I don't think that means what Tia sits on in their car. Boosters? Hmm. Underline that word._ boosters promoting Atlanta as a modern __metropolis, there were areas within the city limits still described as "country"_. Country? I exhale remembering that show where they were interviewing Thugnificent where he grew up, the dirt all over, the houses built like that, and then those kids that ran in front of the screen naked. I mean now that I'm a little older I know it was really sad because they didn't have clothes because their parents couldn't buy them clothes. I think Thugnificent even said they couldn't buy them food or maybe that they had to buy food or clothes and their parents choose to buy them food. And I remember I watched that show when I knew he was at work and wouldn't be home because I knew he would sometimes look a little mad when he saw me watching those kinds of shows. For a long time I thought it was because he didn't want me watching shows that weren't educational or cartoons but now I know it was because he just didn't want me watching black TV or just famous black people. But, I think he was also jealous of Thugnificent because he was famous and rich back then. And then after the chicken flu week, what he said to my mom, how he was with her, and then at the same time he was.

No. No Jazmine. Keep reading. I look back down. _"country" into the 1920s. Uneven development of the basic city infrastructure_. I underline that word but I think that just means how the city is built._ infrastructure and class-biased delivery of municipal services continued to __plague the city. Black and working-class leaders criticized the persisting inequities. _I underline that word because it sounds really important. Inequities. _inequities. "Atlanta streets, in which whites and the rich live, are cleaned daily and the pavement is taken up and re-laid every half dozen years, while the negroes and poor whites in many instances live in communities seldom cleaned and never paved," it was stated in the Independent. _The Independent is that newspaper, the one that focused on the struggles of black and poor people. Maybe I'll read more about that newspaper later. _the Independent. "There are thousands of negroes in Atlanta living in alleys __more unsanitary and filthy than a Peachtree street horse stable. The color line is too often drawn in the distribution of public services."_

I exhale. The color line. I think that writer W.E.B. Du Bois talks about that to. I hope he does talk about it in that book I bought that I'm hoping to start reading during the summer. And, looking at my book, this book, _To 'Joy My Freedom_, I'm starting to maybe see there's just so much history with just Atlanta. I mean I think chapter five has only been about where black and white people lived, the streets, the neighborhoods, the shops, how black people were put in those places, kept there, those streets with bad services or no services, not even getting their trash picked up or having good plumbing or running water. I inhale, thinking about all of this history and know I'm not going to let how he was stop me from watching shows or learning about history, our history, I'm not, and maybe we should hang out with Thugnificent soon. Him and Leonard are always really fun when they do hang out.

I hear her say, "Okay everyone please go ahead and put your pens and pencils down and turn your quiz sheet around, facedown, on the table."

I hear all the exhales, mark the page in my book, close it, and put it in my backpack.

I hear Ms. Reed continue, "And today you will not be turning in your quiz."

I look up at her, hearing the whispering, see her smile at the class, and she says, "Yes, you will not be turning in this last quiz and will instead receive full credit for answering all questions correctly."

I hear the long exhales from some students, some high fiving each other I think, and I exhale at how nice she is, just like Ms. Hoffman and Mr. Delay. Gosh, I'm starting to think all my teachers are awesome.

I see Ms. Reed nod with her smile and she says, "Yes, you will receive that full credit, which will only help you with your overall grade at the end of the semester, and I'm doing that based on how much some of you wrote in that additional space, not just in further explaining your answer but in some cases giving me personal experiences you've had similar to the ones those African American women had during that time, and some students going as far as saying you have not experienced in any form what they experienced but are open to trying to understand it. That, that honesty, that want, that willingness to learn about other's struggles is what I would like you all to take away from this class. And because of that, so long as you keep showing up with that same enthusiasm to class I want to also give you all breaks from the heaviness of being graded on this topic and simply talk about it, discuss it, knowing there are no right or wrong answers, which is why I will have you all again work in groups today where you will simply read through each other's quizzes, and hopefully give each other constructive notes, talking about those notes amongst yourselves. And of course I will pass the quizzes to those who already turned theirs in. But like we did last week, so as to keep the groups, students, moving around, talking to different people, or people you haven't talked to in some time, there will be a change in how groups will be set up today, change that will be decided by chance or what some would call fate."

I feel my eyebrow rise, really confused, knowing she didn't tell me again we were going to do groups today, but hoping if we did they would be set up like last week and I could have Adah and Mackenzie come over to our group when they were done.

And I see Ms. Reed lean down under her desk and stand up holding a box with I think a hole on the lid. A box with a hole on the lid? Okay, I'm really confused.

Then I see her shake that box and exhale. Chance? Fate?

I see her walk over to the student in the front row next to her desk, see her smile at that student, and she says, "Okay Lisa, please put your hand in the hole and you will feel cards, many cards. Please grab one and only one. Then, pass the box to the person behind you, who will do that same, and when the box gets to the last person in this row that person will give this box to the person in the next row, and so on, until everyone in class has a card. And lastly, please do not speak about what is on the card until the last student in class has pulled a card from the box."

I exhale, not knowing how this is going to help chance set up groups but knowing Ms. Reed is super smart and Black Jesus is always watching.

* * *

I exhale. Why Black Jesus? Why? I mean I know you love me. But, why? Stop it Jazmine, stop it. Black Jesus does love you. But, still, everyone, everyone got quiet when she asked whoever had the card with 'group 7' written on it to raise their hands. Why Black Jesus? Why?

Jazmine stop it. You are a strong girl and you can do anything. I can do anything. I can do this. I can. But why then, why did she write that? I mean Ms. Reed asked what other jobs black women had back then when they didn't want to work in those houses, I mean she could've written down the biggest one, doing that white family's laundry from home or selling food on the street or working at brothels or babysitting for their neighbors or even trying to work for other black families that had money that could hire them to clean or. Okay stop it Jazmine. Stop it. At least she wrote something. 'Working in factories.'

I exhale. The author didn't even talk about black women working in factories in this chapter. That was in the next chapter that we weren't even supposed to read, where the author talks about how black women started trying to work in factories but only because unions were protesting and. Stop it Jazmine. Stop it.

I exhale, I think way longer than before, and say, "Michelle why did you write they could work in factories when the author didn't even talk about that in this chapter?"

I hear her exhale, look up, and roll my eyes at her looking at her phone, again.

I inhale and say, "Fine, just let me know if you want me to write anything on your paper so you can have notes for the final."

I put her quiz sheet back in the middle of the desks, grab my book from my lap putting it on my desk, open it, and hear him say, "Check mine then."

I exhale and say, "I can't Cairo because Michelle's still checking yours but let me know if you have questions on my answers."

Where did I leave off? Focus Jazmine. Oh there. _The color line is too often drawn in the distribution of public services." Similarly, white trade unionists christened_. I underline those two words but I think they just mean people in unions naming something. _christened Peachtree Street "Tax Dodgers Row." _I giggle because that sounds funny and I know nothing about taxes and don't want to know. I'll just ask Huey about that name later. I write down 'ask bestie' next to it.

I put my pen down and hear him say, "She ain't even reading it."

I hear Michelle inhale and hear her say, "I am Cairo."

I nod and say, "Okay, when you're done Michelle I'll read it."

Where was I? There. _"Tax Dodgers Row." The problems of municipal_. I grab my pen and underline that word but I think it just means the city or street you live in._ municipal delivery of sanitary services were closely tied to the problem of housing. Most African Americans lived on crudely_. I underline that word because I just don't know what it means. _on crudely constructed roads and in the dark_ _hollows._ I underline that word._ hollows_ _of alleys, and the houses they inhabited were poorly constructed of cheap materials atop shaky brick piles that invited disasters like._

And I hear him say, "She didn't do the reading, ain't gonna learn nothing from her."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up, and see those brownish green eyes looking at me, mad I think, and she says, "So, I can still try."

I exhale, not knowing why she's looking at me, move my shoulders up and down, and look back down at my book to keep reading. _invited disasters like floods. Most of the houses occupied by blacks were wood frame dwellings containing three rooms or fewer. Many families shared outhouses in backyards and public hydrants with their neighbors. The furnishings inside were spare-bed, table, bureau, wardrobe, pots, pans, and wash tubs. Most African Americans paid relatively high prices to lease substandard property. Lugenia Burns Hope, founder of the Neighborhood Union, castigated_. I underline that word._ castigated landlords who exploited their tenants: "Poor people pay vastly more for the rent of their shanties than do the better class for better homes, yet the greed of the landlords and their desire for larger profits on their investments makes them slow to repair." The landlords shuffled in family after family without proper maintenance. "These men receive their 'blood money' and care nothing for._

And I hear him say, "Jazmine, you know she didn't read shit, I ain't learning from her looking at it, and I wanna learn some of what the teacher's saying, 'least some."

I exhale, grab my pen, circle that name, Lugenia Burns Hope, founder of the Neighborhood Union, because I'm going to read more about her later for sure.

I mark the page I'm on, close my book, and look up at Michelle. I see those pursed lips, those eyes looking at me, those eyes I'm not jealous of anymore because I like my eyes just fine, and say, "I went through your quiz, read all your answers, and you either read only a little or maybe nothing because the answers you did get right were ones you could have answered with the stuff we went over in class. Now, if I'm wrong and you did do the reading, stop looking at your phone and please help him so I can get back to my book or let me go through his quiz."

I see her exhale and she says, "No."

I exhale and say, "Fine."

I look down at my book, open it, and hear her curse at Cairo.

And I inhale seeing him put his quiz on top of my book.

I exhale, hearing her say really dumb things, and say, "I don't care."

I hear her inhale, maybe mad, grab my pen, and start going through his answers.

I feel my eyebrow rise reading them and say, "Good first answer but I think next time right the words the author uses so try to not use 'club' but use the word brothel if that's what you meant."

I keep going down and nod, checking them off, seeing he did okay, everything looks answered and he did answer the questions with the right answers but.

I exhale, writing down to make sure to answer the 'why' part to. He forgot that on the last quiz I checked for him to.

I inhale and say, "Looks like you answered all of them right but remember to always answer the 'why' part to Cairo. You wrote down that they would get together at churches to talk about jobs and where to find better places to live and even wrote down that they met there because they felt safe there, at their church, but remember that you need to write more on the 'why' part, like that they felt safe there because outside the police would try to break them up."

I keep going, reading them, checking them off, making notes for him to add more on some of the things he wrote about, and get to the last question, feeling my smile.

And I hear him say my name.

I exhale and say, "The last question, it was a good answer. I wrote down the hardest thing for them was finding someone to take care of their kids when they had to work at those houses as cooks or babysitters or being maids because they didn't have money to pay a babysitter and public schools were just not there yet, but I totally forget about that, how one of the other hardest things for them, at least when they were washerwomen, was washing that family's clothes because of everything they needed, the water, the soap, the places to hang the clothes to dry, the fires to dry the clothes, just the whole process. That was a good answer."

I put a check next to that one, pass the paper back to him, look back down at my book, and say, "Did you finish going through my quiz?"

I see him put my quiz on top of my book, see he checked off each question but didn't add any notes, and inhale seeing what he wrote down at the bottom of the quiz.

I exhale and say, "Thank you for checking them."

I turn around to grab my backpack from behind my chair and hear a paper move.

I look back at my desk, see my quiz sheet is missing, and look up at Michelle holding it.

I see her look at me and see her eyebrows lower. I roll my eyes and say, "Can I have my quiz back since you said you went through it even if you didn't put any marks on it?"

And I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing her grab her pen, look down at my quiz, and scribble over his phone number, hearing him tell her to stop.

I exhale and see her look up at me with her smirk. I roll my eyes and say, "Thank you. Now can I have my quiz sheet so I can use it to study for finals?"

I see her exhale, click her tongue, and I lean in, grab my quiz sheet, hearing her being dumb, and put the paper in my backpack.

I put my backpack down on the floor, look back at my book, and keep reading. _"These men receive their 'blood money' and care nothing for the people or the community," Hope concluded. _That lady. Lugenia Burns Hope. I wonder who she was. Hopefully the author talks more about her. _Poor people in general were disadvantaged by the politics of city governance that favored the interests of the white elites. But Jim Crow deprived all African Americans, regardless of economic status, of basic liberties. _I exhale. Even if black people had money it didn't matter. Those rich people, those rich white people, still didn't let them live in the nicer neighborhoods.

I shake my head and keep reading. _of basic liberties. By the time the law dictated residential segregation, restrictive covenants_. I grab my pen and underline that word.

And I hear him say, "Jazmine talk to me."

I exhale. _restrictive covenants and de facto_. I underline those two words._ de facto practices of exclusion had long been practiced. Although Atlanta was already more segregated than any other city in Georgia, in 1913 it passed the first residential segregation ordinance in the state._

And I hear him say, "Just tell my ass you don't fucken hate me."

I exhale and hear Michelle say, "Why Cairo? Can't you just let 'her' go? Just be with me, stop seeing Ashley, and just," and I hear him say, "Just shut the fuck up Michelle."

I inhale, close my eyes, before I say something really, really dumb, and hear him say, "Jazmine, I'm just mad cuz of what happened this week but I really don't ever talk to girls like that, I don't."

I open my eyes and keep reading. _ordinance in the state_ _mainly to prevent affluent blacks from encroaching upon upscale white suburbs like_.

And I hear Michelle say, "She doesn't care Cairo. She's just like that and doesn't care, like I told you, but I do, and I want you to do better so just be with me."

I inhale and keep reading. _white suburbs like Ansley Park and Druid Hills. The state Supreme Court struck down the law two years later, but extralegal pressures and vigilante violence substituted for legal mandates. _Extralegal pressures? Vigilante violence? Okay. I underline 'vigilante' to look it up. _legal mandates. The emphasis on keeping black middle-class and upper-class home owners from living near whites was not so much a concern about minimizing interracial contact as it was a desire to restrict the terms of interracial interactions in order to keep blacks subordinate._

And I hear Michelle say, "See I told you she didn't care, she doesn't, not about what you say, or you so just…"

I close my eyes and say, "You're pathetic Michelle because you bring me into your dumb conversations instead of just talking about you, about you two, when I have nothing to do with your relationship, I don't, I don't want to, and you don't know anything about me, if I care about a guy talking like that to a girl, because I do. It's not right, it's not right that he talks to you like that and you let it happen. It's not, but that's up to you because you're not my friend and I'm not going to tell you what you should do about that. And you don't know about anything else I care about, nothing, so do not talk about me like you know what or if I care about anything because you don't, and if you can, if you can, talk after class, and just read or do something else right now, play with your phone, I don't care, but don't talk around me because I don't wanna hear it and I wanna focus."

I exhale. Where was I? There. _keep blacks subordinate. This thinking was betrayed in contradictory white attitudes toward domestic workers and middle-class blacks regarding Jim Crow residential patterns. Most household workers continued to insist on living in their own homes._

And I hear her say, "You're so jealous of us, how even after you and Ashley, we're still together, that you don't even wanna hear us talk about our relationship?"

I exhale and hear Cairo say, "We ain't got a relationship."

I inhale and keep reading. _in their own homes. The small percentage of live-in domestics declined even further between 1880 and 1910. While the highest concentrations of live-in servants were always located in the most affluent_. I underline that word._ affluent white neighborhoods, this trend became especially marked by 1910 as a third to nearly one-half of live-in domestics were located on the north side alone-near Ansley Park and Druid Hills._

And I hear her say, "Really Jazmine, are you that jealous of us? Really? Just answer it damn it."

I exhale and say, "Yeah I am. Now please let me read." _and Druid Hills. As Jim Crow intensified the physical and social distance between most blacks and whites in the city, the wealthiest whites had the most sustained contact with blacks who worked or lived in as servants. Clearly, the advocates of the 1913 ordinance did not have the exclusion of this group from white suburbs in mind. As long as blacks were living in close contact as servants or subordinates, physical proximity was not only acceptable but desirable. It was usually when blacks moved into white neighborhoods on equal footing that physical proximity became an aberration._

And I hear her say, "You're such a stupid jealous bitch."

I exhale, mark the page closing my book, grab my backpack, put my book in it, and zip it up.

And I stand up and then feel something holding me, not letting me move.

I look back at my backpack, see him let go, and say, "Cairo, what did I say about touching me?"

I see him nod and he says, "I didn't pull, just stopped you, cuz there's only few minutes of class, so just stay, don't leave."

I exhale, closing my eyes, because I don't want to make this a big deal and I think there is only a few minutes left of class.

I open my eyes, see the clock, and exhale, sitting back down, looking at the table. Darn it. But I did the work and I just want to read.

I inhale and say, "Cairo I don't want to do this with you, not anymore, not ever, so don't bother me, please, and don't stop me, not just pulling me, but don't grab my backpack because I don't want that to be the reason I slap you one day, and right now we're in class and I don't wanna make this a big deal again, I don't, not really, but only because we are in class and even more because I just don't wanna get in trouble, so don't put your hands on my backpack again, and if this keeps going, let me get up without trying to stop me so I can get away from both of you."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "But why Jazmine?"

I exhale and say, "Because of how you're both being and because she just called me that when I'm none of those things and you grabbing me to stop me is making me think you want me here so I can keep hearing this. Do you want that?"

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Nah I don't, but why you leaving when you know she's all that shit and not you."

I hear that inhale, look up at Michelle, see her looking at Cairo, and she says, "Cairo, you seriously have got to be kidding me when we just had sex at lunch."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hear him inhale, I think some other people around us inhale, and hear him say, "Last fucken time."

I see her smirk and she says, "You keep saying that but you know you'll just come back, every time, no matter how many times you go to Ashley because you only like her because she's popular and that other stuff she has but you like the things we do more."

I exhale, feeling a little grossed out, see Michelle look at me with that smirk, and she says, "What? Jealous now that you know he wants me more than Ashley and even you because I do things with him he knows you'll never do."

I feel my eyebrow rise, confused and grossed out, and say, "Yeah, I am so much more jealous now because of the stuff you two do together, here in school, which is really, really gross because I'm sure it's not sanitary or comfortable because I don't think the school has beds or private places to do that kind of stuff, but yes I'm so jealous of that, and because of how jealous I am and I know class is almost over can you two please, please just talk about whatever sexual stuff you do with each other quietly, so I can keep reading?"

I see her eyes get big, see her inhale, maybe mad, and she says, "I remember, I remember how you were about that stuff. You would get all stupid and embarrassed and couldn't even say that word without leaving class. You didn't even do that stupid sex class in middle school because your parents didn't let you even if some of us who do go to church, even Johnny, did that stupid class, but you were the only one that sat outside waiting for that class to end. You were such a little goody-two-shoes and…."

I exhale, remembering it wasn't my parents that didn't sign that form, it was him. My mom signed it but both of them had to sign it and they had already had a fight that week and I didn't want there to be another fight about how mature I was and how he wanted to keep me safe and.

I inhale. He said it a few times. I wasn't mature and he wanted to keep me away from boys and I was his. Stop it Jazmine. He specially said it when we talked about boys or having sleepovers or me going to sleepovers or the one time I wanted to sleepover Huey and Riley's house with Cindy, sleeping in the guest room. That was a big fight and I ended up telling Huey I didn't want to sleepover anymore. I exhale. Even the times I fell asleep there during the day or late at night at the Freeman house I would wake up scared and anxious because I knew he was going to be mad when I got home because I had been gone for too long and. Stop it Jazmine, stop it.

I shake my head, remembering we're in class, hearing her saying those things, and say, "Yes Michelle I wasn't in that class in middle school but I don't care what I missed there, about using protection or how to be clean about that stuff, I don't, because you don't have to learn that in school, you can learn that stuff at home talking to your parents and talking to doctors about that stuff, even about how to be safe about it yourself because it's not just on him, the responsibility is on you to, and you can get protection so he doesn't feel like he has to have all of the responsibility of things happening, but I guess you don't care about that because everything you just said about what you learned in that class, if that's all you know, is telling me you're letting whoever you do things with be responsible about you two not getting STDs or getting pregnant, and that's really, really dumb of you, maybe one of the dumbest things I've ever heard."

I inhale, put my backpack on my lap, unzip it, take out my book, and hear her say, "Yeah you probably did learn some of that stuff outside of school, probably at your house, where one of my friends told me you were learning all about sex."

I inhale, look up at her, see her smirk, blink, hearing Cairo say something, and say, "You mean someone that isn't your friend, was only using you, told you things about me, things about my house, things she probably isn't saying anymore because even if they are or aren't true that's none of her business and not only will my mom also sue your family if you ever, ever say anything about anything that ever happened or didn't happen in my house or anything, anything about my family or friends, but I will, I promise, I still scratch your face, leaving all my nails on your face, so please, tell me more Michelle about what you know."

I exhale, feeling myself shaking a little, and see her chin rise, not knowing why, why, she's like this. I mean Ashley's crazy I think because of maybe the way she grew up a little and I know she's getting help now, but Michelle, Michelle grew up with kind of normal parents from what I remember seeing them in middle school, even goes to church sometimes, has always had friends or been kind of popular, so why, why is she like this with me?

I feel something over my hand, look down, take my hand away, looking up at Cairo, and say, "Cairo, don't touch me."

I see him exhale and hear him say, "You got all fucken quiet again. You a'ight?"

I exhale, look back at Michelle, and see her look down, I think at my hand, and I put my right hand over my left one, almost kind of protecting it from her looking at it, knowing she's maybe a little crazy to.

And I see her inhale, looking at my hand I think, and she says, "Cairo, stop it. Stop asking her if she's okay, stop looking at her, stop letting Ashley do that, sitting on your lap like you let her on Monday, stop letting her take you away whenever she calls and wants to have sex with you, leaving me to go with her, and only coming back when you remember she won't do things with you, things I'll do, and stop, just stop making me like this, making me feel like I'm only good enough for some stuff, like that stuff on the weekends, when I know you're thinking about other people when you're with me, and then saying stupid stuff like introducing you to my parents when you're not even serious about me, and then coming here, the only class I think you always show up to, because my friends tell me you skip other classes, and comparing me to her, stop it, stop it, not even to Ashley, but to her, her, when I know that's what you're thinking about when you're with me, making me feel like this, like this, like I've never felt before, never, because I've always gotten everything, everything, even more than my sister because I'm the oldest, I'm prettier, skinnier, and I've never felt like this, like this feeling, this stupid jealous feeling."

And I hear the bell ring, drop my book in my backpack, get up, backing up, not saying bye to anyone, hearing something, I think Cairo. And I turn and see that door, walking to it, getting to it, getting away from them.

And I push it open and feel my eyes open seeing him leaning on the wall at that corner instead of leaning on the lockers next to my class, maybe so he could see me walk out.

I see that half smile I get to see so much now, so much I want to cry, as I'm walking up to him, getting to that chest, putting my face in it, and smelling that soap.

I exhale, feeling him hugging me, hear my backpack being zipped up, and hear that monotone voice say, "What happened?"

I kiss that chest and say, "We had group, I remembered a class I didn't take in middle school because of people that don't matter, and I remembered a time I wanted to have a sleepover at your house with you, my sister, and Riley, I didn't do it because of people that don't matter, and I'm sorry."

I feel that squeeze around my shoulders, putting my hands on those sides of his, those hard sides I really, really like, and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. I know. But I want to know more about what you talked about in group since you were somewhat excited to take that last quiz, then I want to know what class was it that you didn't take in middle school so maybe we can figure out if this institution offers it, and I want you to sleepover tomorrow night, seeing as tonight I know you want to spend time with your mother and sister and I won't be crawling through your window only because you asked me not to because you're on your period even though I couldn't care less about that and I just want to do what you call 'cuddle.'"

I exhale, feeling embarrassed for some weird reason that he knows I'm on my period even though I didn't tell him, I never tell him, but he always knows, and then remember how smart he is, how much he knows about so much stuff, like when I told him last month that after we all started hanging out together a lot, all of us, my sister, Ming, and Lauren, all of us kind of started having our periods on the same two weeks and I wanted to know if he knew if girls could do that, get on the same schedule as their friends, and he said it's possible because when we were cavemen women did that if they were living together in groups, have their periods at the same time, because it had to do with survival stuff, but still. I exhale, moving my face over that chest, trying to make my face not so red because it's embarrassing that he knows I'm on my period, he always, always knows, I mean I think he's known for a long time.

And I blow a raspberry on that chest, feeling that rumbling in his chest with his cute laugh, I think hearing some students fall over, and hear that monotone voice say, "After the things we do I doubt you feel embarrassed about me being aware of your menstrual cycle but you are telling me about today or I'm tickling you on the way to the nursing home."

And I hear that voice pass us, Michelle, I think talking to Cairo, and feel those arms hug me a little too tight.

I exhale, kiss that chest and say, "Okay bestie, let's go and I'll tell you everything and then since I know Mr. Ramirez is going to see Mo today I'm asking him to drop me off at the shelter for your break to see you and so I can see Mr. Willis for a little and hopefully Frank and Monica if they're there."

I feel that exhale in his chest and hear him say, "Yes."

I feel my smile, nod, and know maybe it's okay he knows me that much, even when I'm on my period, because at least now he doesn't argue with me as much.

* * *

I see the time and exhale. She said she would be here fifteen minutes ago.

I hear him ask me that question.

I nod, open the window for the employee schedule, and say, "I can ask him. Right now he's working from five to seven three times a week but I don't know his schedule when it comes to school or his extracurricular activities so I'll ask. There's also the possibility of giving Cairo more hours."

I focus on the schedule, seeing the hours they work, what needs to be done for this place, regardless of my opinion because opinions are pointless when it comes to this place, and hear Frank say, "That is a possibility but based on how efficient Riley has shown us to be I feel more confident in him getting the work done and right now that confidence is necessary with the amount of people that have started to sleep here, not including the people we're forced to turn away, the fact that we have to adhere to the morning sign up list, accommodating those people first and then on a first-come first-served basis, all because they're no longer able to sleep around that property and have started to finally see this place as their only safe harbor from any potential crime they could be the victim of sleeping on the street, and so the amount of work has doubled again. We will also need to hire a third employee to stay overnight, you'll have to coordinate how they will not only help alleviate the pressure from Mac and David but also hopefully make it so Mac and David can take more than one day off a week, and of course that's just to make sure the shelter has employees to help the people at night. We also need to make sure the restrooms are cleaned more often, same with the kitchen that went from being used solely by employees to being used by some of the people that stay here to wash up when the two restrooms are occupied after Monica suggested we make sure to have the proper soap and cloths there to. The storage room also needs to be kept clean and organized, which thankfully is at capacity with all recently donated unperishable food due to your coordinating of donations and Jazzy's idea to clean it out. There's also that new playground and basketball court Jazzy and Cindy suggested we could build in the backyard so the kids can use during the summer, not just the ones that stay here but any that live nearby and want to come play, and."

I see him sit down, see him exhale, possibly looking down at the desk, and he says, "Best decision I made after her."

I feel my smirk, see him look up at me, and see him start laughing.

I shake my head and say, "There's also the possibility you've been here too long today."

I see him exhale with his smirk, nod, and he says, "I have. Got here at six to help Mac and David in waking up the people, helping them sign up for the night, then after Monica arrived with my father, we had to wait for the company that was taking care of breakfast for the people, helping serve breakfast, waiting for everyone to leave, helping with the sign up list because luckily there was still room to add people, helping my father with the daytime employees that were here to clean up, waiting for the company that was taking care of lunch, helping serve lunch, leaving for an hour to the office while the daytime employees were here and would call me if my father tried lifting anything, coming back, making sure he took his medication, and just."

I see him exhale and he says, "How are you doing?"

I exhale, wondering about the insanity of some people who cannot see pass taking care of others, and say, "I'm fine Frank, school, work, more work when I get home, Jazmine."

I inhale, knowing my priorities, which are not necessarily in that order, see Frank nod with his smirk, and he says, "I know Howie."

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, and say, "I also wanted to let you know she said," and hear that voice say, "Hi Frank."

I exhale, feeling relaxed for some damn reason I don't care to explain at this point in my life, look over at the door, and see her walking in in that long sweater that's hiding too much, hearing Frank talking to her.

I see her smile at him and she says, "Yes, everything's great there, I love it, but I'm happy I got to see you to because even though we did tell Monica when she picked them up my sister and I wanted tell you we had a lot of fun, so much, and if you two need another weekend just know we are totally free and you can even drop them off earlier and pick them up later the next time, just let us know a few days in advance so we don't plan anything with our friends but we loved, loved taking care of Tam Tam and TT and we still have like twenty things we need to do with them with movies and baking and books, so just let us know."

I hear Frank laugh and hear him say, "Thanks Jazzy. It was nice, exceptionally nice, and although we missed them it had been a long time since we went to a nice dinner without our kids or had the worry of putting them to bed and all the things that come with having kids, regardless of how great they are, because at least until now they've been too young for us to feel comfortable leaving them alone with anyone and really, truthfully, although we had friends, acquaintances that offered to take care of them for a night, we always practiced the test of watching our kids with that friend or acquaintance first and could tell they were never comfortable with that person, but you and Howie and even Riley and Cindy, not just because we know them, but through transitive trust, you all not only have always been trustworthy but both our kids took to you like they've been with you every day of their lives, and that alone made the decision to leave them in your care quite easy and also made it so it's possible next time we have you take care of them we might just drop them off in the morning and pick them up the next night, if that's okay with you and your sister."

And I see her doing that again, the jumping, hearing her say how much she wants that, hearing Frank laughing, and exhale, hearing myself say, "Fine, but you stop reading after they fall asleep Jazmine, not after another story just because they asked you for another one before they fell asleep."

I see that face turn to me with those eyes, that mouth, that frustrated look, and she says, "Little kids can hear you talking after they fall asleep and they'll know you didn't read them that next story and they'll think you lied to them Huey because you said you would read it and we are not lying to them."

I exhale. I'm tickling her.

And I hear Frank laughing, see him walk in front of me towards the coat hanger, keeping my eyes on that frustrated look, hearing him say he'll see me on Monday, and respond, "Yes Frank, I'll see you on Monday."

I hear him say her name, see those eyes turn to him with that smile, and hear Frank say, "After they got home on Sunday they told us all about what they did with their aunts and uncles and I wanted to say thank you, thank your sister as well, please, for letting them have aunts as well that would in some way come from my family, something after he died I didn't think I would be able to give to my kids."

I see her inhale, see those greens water, see her nod with her smile, and she says, "I'll let my little sister know and thank you for letting us have fun with them for a little bit."

And I feel my eyebrow rise seeing Frank kiss the top of that soft blonde afro and hear him say, "You welcome and one last thing I would like to ask of you is that you continue taking care of Howie for me because although it goes against my father's beliefs I do believe, possibly because of my wife's beliefs, in reincarnation, and believe my brother didn't leave us, just took some time to come back to us, which is why it is not surprising that the girl my brother planned on marrying when he was done with his service was also named Jasmine but with the spelling slightly different from yours, with an 's' instead of a 'z' my wife said, a minor difference we agreed on when you consider the significance of having my brother back. This of course is something I believe my father does not remember or possibly chooses to not remember as to not be reminded of things he does not want to think of. But the point is that is the way things were and the way they are, so please continue taking care of Howie for me and have a goodnight Jazzy."

And I feel my other eyebrow rise seeing Jazmine hug Frank, hearing him laugh, hugging her back.

Then I see Frank let go of her, see that bun move back, and see her smile at him, hearing him say goodnight again.

I see that face turn away from me, facing the hallway, and see that body lean on the doorway, feeling myself stand up, hearing Frank's footsteps walking down the hallway, as I'm walking up to her.

I instinctively, possibly, put my nose over that bun, inhale that strawberry smell, and feel her shiver under me.

I put my arms around that small waist, bringing her into me, and ask, "Cold?"

I feel those hands over my arms and hear her say, "You're always warmer than the temperature in the room because you're such a good person so that's why I think I shiver a little when I'm close to you."

I exhale at that optimism in me, still unrealistic, almost like she herself lives in one of those stories she was reading that night where most people are good and she can help them see it if she just tries. Those stories. Those three stories they read to Tamera and Tia, remembering she and her sister changing the pitch of their voices depending on the characters they were in the story, how both my brother and I sat there in Cindy's room where Tamera and Tia would be sleeping on a futon Jazmine's family apparently has always had, hearing Jazmine and Cindy reading those stories to them, something I realized I never thought my brother would do for anyone, sitting on the floor of that room listening to them reading children's stories, remembering him saying at that ice rink Cindy is possibly getting some of those characteristics from Jazmine while Jazmine's anger issues possibly have been coming from Cindy.

But we sat there while they read them those three stories, the last one after Tamera and Tia were asleep, and then my brother and Cindy went to sleep in Sarah's room, and Jazmine and I went to sleep in her room, to 'cuddle.'

And they read those three stories. I exhale and say, "Jazmine?"

I hear her swallow, feeling my smirk, and hear her say, "Yes bestie?"

I exhale and say, "What did you say about reading to children after they fall asleep?"

I feel her try to move away, pull her back into me, putting my hands underneath that sweater, underneath that shirt, over that soft stomach, on those ribs, and hear her say, "Bestie come on, do you really wanna spend your break tickling me and really it's true because Laurie said she learned about that at her job and."

And I start, hearing her, going up and down, pulling on that skin over those ribs, that soft skin, hearing that laughing, going down to the back of that neck, and biting it, hearing her say it like that, the way I want to keep hearing it for years if not longer, hearing her say my name like that, and hear her say, "Um, bestie?"

I exhale, tasting that neck, feeling her squirm, and say, "Hmm?"

I feel her pulling her shirt down, feeling my eyebrow rise, and hear her say, "They need you."

I open my eyes, look over that bun, see him, and feel her trying to move away again. I pull her back into me and say, "What?"

I see him exhale and he says, "Done with the shit you gave me to do."

I nod and say, "Fine. I'll go check it in ten minutes. Are you leaving?"

I see him exhale, possibly mad, if I cared enough to know, and he says, "Only if that's all the shit you want me to do and if I did that shit right."

I nod and say, "Fine, if you want to stay longer you can clean the front yard, sweep first and then water the pavement making sure to get rid of any remnants of food and," and he cuts me off with, "You wanna check the shit I did first, you know so I can clean that shit again if I didn't do it right?"

I exhale, feeling that squeeze on my arms, and hear that voice say, "I'll go say hi to Riley bestie. Do what you need to do and maybe I'll just walk back or go see if Mr. Ramirez is still outside okay?"

I inhale, knowing she's not walking back by herself, Mr. Ramirez more than likely already left, and my brother already took his break so he can't walk her back either. Fuck. And I hear him say, "I'ma take by break, check my work."

I exhale, see him turn around, and I hold that waist, trying to figure out the solution to this fucken problem, hearing her say that nickname.

I see him walking down the hallway, possibly slower than he should, knowing he's waiting. Fuck.

Then I feel that ass move into me, pushing me back with her, that bouncy ass, inhale, trying to relax, and say, "Jazmine, what are you," and see that hand close the door.

I look down, feeling her turn in my arms. I see that smirk, feel those long arms go around my neck, the pull down, and taste those lips, wondering about that damn lip balm she's using right now, tasting my favorite fruit. I feel her push that tongue into my mouth, feeling my exhale, and hear her say she wanted him to think she was leaving but she'll stay here in the office, with the door closed, waiting for me, because she wants to keep kissing me before I take her back.

I bring my hands down from that waist to those hips, putting my hands around those hips, moving them back to that ass, and squeeze it, hearing her say my name again, the way I like it, and respond, "Yes."

She doesn't have to know after I come back from checking his work, which I'm sure was not fucken done properly again, I'm not only letting her kiss me as much as she wants but she's letting me continue tickling her as much as I want.

* * *

I hear that groan and hear her say, "I fucken hate being a girl, sometimes, a lot, like a shit load." I hug her, not too hard, and say, "I know Mimi's but at least we're suffering together."

I hear the laughing from my sister and Lauren, start laughing with them, and hear that sweet deep voice say, "Gave you that shit in morning so probably ain't good no more and I think it's been like four hours. I'll give you more right now." I feel Ming nod into my shoulder, feel her move away, see her exhale with that look of pain, and she says, "I just don't get how you'll get your PMS shit before and I gotta get it when I'm on it, like why can't you'll give me that to if we're gonna be on schedule with each other?"

Aww. I go in, hug her again, and feel those two sets of arms hugging Ming and me.

And I feel Ming exhale and hear Lauren say, "Well, when I was telling him last week how much it hurts he said it's a good thing we all don't have the same pains at the same time because after gangs fight there should always be someone in both gangs that isn't as beat up as everyone else and can help carrying people back home."

Oh my Black Jesus. And I hear us laughing, feeling happy hearing Ming laughing to.

I exhale and hear Ming say, "Um, since we in this huddle and shit, I wanna tell you'll we had the talk."

I feel those arms leave us and I let go of Ming.

I see her looking down, focused on the floor, not sad or mad, just focused, and hear my sister say, "What talk Mimi's and don't do that half shit, you mean you talked 'bout how you wanna go with during vacation?"

I see Ming look up with big eyes at my sister, a completely red face, and she says, "Cin bear don't be saying that shit or Michael will hear."

I exhale and say, "Mimi you still haven't told him you wanna go?"

I see Ming look at me, see her small smile, see her shake her head, and she says, "Nah, not yet, later, I will, but it ain't coming up soon."

I exhale. I know she wants to go but she just won't tell him maybe because she thinks he'll say no.

And I hear a voice say, "Well, I kind of told Hiro and he said yes."

I feel my eyes open, look over at Lauren, see her smiling at the table where the guys are, and hear Ming say, "Okay how the fuck did you do that Laurie cuz I don't even know how I'ma start talking 'bout that?"

I see Lauren look down, smiling, and see her put her long layered hair behind her ear. So pretty. Like a model. But aren't they all that pretty? Focus Jazmine.

I see Lauren nod and she says, "Just told him I wanted to go and we could, I don't know, hopefully figure it out with my parents and he said he wanted me to go."

I exhale, seeing her so red, seeing her so happy, and hear Ming say, "You writing that shit down for me."

And I start laughing, hearing us all laughing.

I exhale opening my bottle of water, knowing we're just hanging out standing here but this is our time since we're too busy and don't have sleepovers as much and hear my sister say, "Kay Mimi's so if that ain't 'the talk' then what talk you talking 'bout?"

I look over at Ming, putting my bottle up to my mouth, see her exhale with her raised eyebrow, and she says, "Damn sex talk with my parents."

I take a really big gulp of my water, too much, start coughing, and feel that light tap on my back from my sister.

I hear them laughing, feel my cheeks getting red, and say, "What did they say?"

I see Ming look at me with that pretty raised eyebrow, knowing how overprotective they are of her, how even if they let her sleep at Caesar's house it's only because Ming listens to them about everything, the time she has to be home, not getting a job, and even calling them when she is sleeping at Caesar's house at least to say goodnight to them.

I see Ming nod with her smile and she says, "Wells they kinda didn't say anything, just my mom came into my room when I was working on my story, sat on my bed, asked what I was doing, showed it to her, told me it looked good, and then told me her and my dad trust me and they like Michael a lot, know he's a really good guy, and just want me to be safe and whatnot, and then asked me if I knew what sex was."

I feel my mouth open, see her start laughing, see her nod, and she says, "Yeah I knows, I knows. So, I told my mom I did because I gotta know about that stuff so I can take care of myself and it was one of the damn reasons I never, ever wanted to sleep at that fucker's house, why I never asked them to let me sleep at his house, cuz I knew he wanted that shit and I wasn't fucken ready, you know, telling my mom all this without the cursing, and then she smiled, kinda proud and shit."

I feel my smile, see her smile putting that long bouncy black hair behind her ear, and she says, "Then I told my mom I haven't done it yet and I didn't know when I was gonna do it but I trust Michael to, and if we ever, you know, have sex, I know for sure we'd be safe, specially cuz I'm going to college and he's for sure going to college way his uncle and his mom are 'bout it and we can't be, you know, not being safe and shit, fucking that up, and I don't know, for me, just for me, it's cuz I wanna make them proud that they tried so hard, to move here, to be here, to be Americans, not just cuz they wanted to but for me, cuz I know they did it for me, not just cuz I'm their only kid but because they love me, and I don't want them to ever feel shame, even if they left that shit back in China, I know them and I don't wanna bring shame to them and I know they say they never felt like that 'bout me, even in my kickball days but now, now that I'm grown up more and I can decide shit for myself I don't want to shame them, and I'ma always try my best with everything, even if I ever have sex, using protection, doing it with someone that I know cares 'bout me and wants to be safe to, and that's the only way that shit's happening. Then, after I was done saying all that, my mom smiled like that, you know, like when she smiles like that, reminding me how lucky I am I look like her a little, and then."

I exhale, happy, putting my head on that shoulder, next to that long soft blonde braid, see Ming smirk, and she says, "Then I hear a sound, look over at my door, and see my dad fall through when I thought it was closed and my mom and me start laughing, see him get up, walk up to us, hug us, crying 'bout how proud he is of his little Ming Ming and how he's so happy I'm smart and so beautiful like my mom, and my mom told him to stop embarrassing her cuz it's not good to sound conceded and shit."

And I start laughing, harder I think, hearing us all laughing, and hear that voice say, "But why Cairo!"

I exhale, grab that hand, and say, "Okay, table time."

I pull that hand and hear that voice again say, "You're not even serious about her!"

I see those reds look at me, look down at those soft lips, thinking about maybe skipping next period, and see that cute smirk, feeling my smirk.

Then I hear that voice say, "You know why he's doing this Ashley! He doesn't want you so just let me have him like you said you would!"

We get to the table, hearing the yelling, and I let go of that small strong hand, as I walk around the table. And I see those reds look me up, wanting to tell him to not do that here, and hear that voice say, "Don't walk away Cairo or I'll know you don't care and you're only doing this to make her jealous!"

And I sit on that lap and put my arms around those broad shoulders, holding that bottle of water behind his neck. I see those reds, feel those hands on my waist squeeze me, kiss those lips, moving away to tell him I love him, and kiss him again.

I hear the yelling and hear that voice say something to us, wondering why he cares about us when Ashley and Michelle are yelling again. I exhale, move away from him, kiss those lips one more time, see that cute annoyed look on him, and say, "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you later."

I see him exhale and he says, "You never have to Jazmi," and I say, "But I want to and you're letting me."

And I hear Mr. Leon tell me to get off of Huey's lap and I move over, feeling my butt over the bench. I move my legs over him and feel that warm hand stay on top of my thigh, over my jean skirt, hoping, please Black Jesus, that that hand does not go down to my legs because today I'm wearing a skirt that is shorter than last week's skirt even if it's still following the dress code.

And I hear that monotone voice say, "Where's your sweater?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at him, see that mad look looking at where the yelling is coming from, and say, "In your locker because I'm not," and hear him, "I'll be back."

And I exhale seeing him get up, feeling that heat leave me, as it's walking to the entrance of the cafeteria, before I can grab that heat. And he's only eaten two sandwiches and he needs to eat at least another one. So making him eat more when he comes back.

And watching him walking away I see those eyes looking over here and exhale seeing Huey pass him, walking out, and I look down at my book.

I open it and hear that voice say, "I just don't get it."

I look over at that perfect chocolate colored skin, see that scrunched forehead looking towards where I can hear Ashley yelling, and hear my sister say, "He's a fool and makes shit happen for reasons that don't make sense."

I look over at my sister and see her take a bite out of her chicken. I see her chew, swallow, wipe her mouth with a napkin, and still looking at that chicken that I still kind of, a little, think is murder, but I want my sister to enjoy her lunch, she says, "He doing it to make my sis jealous."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see her take another bite of that chicken, and hear Ming say, "That is a reason that don't make sense cuz it ain't gonna happen anyways."

I look over at Ming, see her putting down her water after taking that ibuprofen I think, and see her put her head on Caesar's shoulder. I see her looking at her notebook, I think reading her notes on her story, and she says, "Should add that shit to my next chapter, title that shit 'jealousy' or the green fucken monster."

I exhale, confused, hearing the laughing, and say, "I love you guys but sometimes I just don't know what you're saying."

I feel that hand on my shoulder, look over at Lauren, and exhale at how pretty she is, always has been, hoping she sees it now. I see her smirk and she says, "Jazzy, some of the highest grades and GPA, knows how to lipread, I'm gonna say can speak Spanish, understands Japanese a little bit, and you don't see that he's with both of them maybe because he wants to be but probably only, maybe even lets them get in fights here at lunch all the time, to try to make you jealous."

I feel my mouth open.

What?

And I hear the laughing, Riley's laughing over everyone, shake my head, snickering at my silly friends, and say, "But don't you have to like someone to be jealous of them being with someone else?"

I hear my friends all say, 'Yep?', 'Fuck yeah?', and 'Right?', all sounding confused like me and start laughing with them.

Then I hear that voice say, "You'll don't know."

I look over at Riley, see him roll his eyes, maybe annoyed, maybe making fun of us, and he says, "I'ma say this cuz you'll don't know how it really is out there but fools do that shit all the damn time, mess 'round with hoes, do stupid shit, not just cuz they wanna but to get more females, thinking they gotta live the life, gangster shit, 'least look and act like it to get more females, specially when it's fools that already got a rep, even if that rep is bullshit and they only done half the shit they say they've done, they still be thinking that's how to get more females, just going from one to next one, but it's some'ng real fucken stupid when they be doing it to get a female, any female, but I'ma only say you four for sure, that 'on't want that, don't want that rep, but he's a fucken dumbass so he's gonna do that shit."

And I see my sister kiss Riley on his chin, feeling my smile seeing him roll his eyes with his smirk, and hear that sweet deep voice say, "Agree, he's a fucken dumbass thinking that shit's gonna happen, why I said it's for reasons that don't make sense, now eat Riles."

I see Riley shake his head with his smirk, feeling my heart swell remembering some girls talking about him last year coming to this school, how much of a player he was, until I walked out of the stall and looked at them. Then they rolled their eyes at me and walked out of the restroom not saying anything else. But, seeing him eating, hearing us all talking, I can see Riley really changed, like a lot, because even if he wasn't completely a player he must've gone out with girls, maybe a lot of girls to get that reputation, but he's like this now, eating with my sister next to him, talking to the guys, and not caring about all the dumb girls that are looking over at this table. Riley's really changed and maybe it was because of my sister. I hope so.

I feel my smile, hearing them all talking about this weekend, saying that's a better conversation, look down at my book, and continue reading. _The cheapness and abundance. _Where's my pen? Oh, I haven't taken it out. I look down at the bench, between Lauren and me, feeling my smirk, seeing Hiro's hand on Lauren's hip, open the front pocket of my backpack, and take out my pen. I go back to my book and underline that word even though I think it just means a lot. _abundance of domestic laborers not only put them in reach of working-class whites but also enabled_. I underline that word but didn't I hear Riley use is once?

I look up, see him taking a bite of that chicken, and say, "Riley what does enabled mean?" I see him smirk, swallow that piece of chicken, and he says, "Like letting someone do some dumb shit, like a dumbass letting his homie try coke even if he knows he already got a problem with weed, or maybe, I 'on't know, helping his homie get help to stop doing that shit."

And I smile, seeing my sister kiss him again, hearing Hiro call him a nerd, hearing the laughing with Riley getting red I think from being embarrassed, and I look back down at my book to keep reading. _also enabled, to a lesser degree, some African Americans to hire them as well. Sometimes, single black men may have relied on hiring women to cook, clean, or wash their laundry. Usually, wealth and prestige determined when blacks hired help. Atlanta had a cadre of blacks_. Oohh, cadre, pretty word. I underline that word, hearing Riley and Hiro cursing at each other, being best friends I think, and Caesar telling them they're like kids and it's a good thing to know words, hearing my friends all laughing.

I feel my smile and keep reading._ cadre of blacks who were educated professionals (professors, ministers, and physicians) and well-to-do business entrepreneurs_. I underline that word even though I think it means businesspeople._ entrepreneurs in insurance and real estate. Families such as the Du Boises, Ruckers, Hemdons, and Hopes were part of the employing class. W. E. B. Du Bois himself commented on this phenomenon, noting that for black employers domestic work did not represent the same denigration_. I underline that word._ same denigration it did for whites: "The employers in this case in no respect despise common labor or menial duties, because they themselves have performed such work all their lives," Du Bois argued. _

There he is again. W.E.B. Du Bois. And I'm going to read his book, his book about the souls of black folk. And I feel my smile thinking maybe when W.E.B. Du Bois said that, even though I know it's not true, but maybe he was talking about a boy I know, a boy that's black, a boy I know has helped at the shelter doing all of that, cleaning bathrooms, sweeping, putting a whole kitchen together, passing food, cleaning up stuff in the hangar that he didn't want me to see, stuff he said was 'not sanitary' because sometimes people were sick in the hangar and couldn't make it to the restroom on time. And, he would clean it up so Mr. Willis wouldn't if the other people that help cleaning the hangar were busy or weren't there. And he wouldn't tell anyone, but I caught him a few times.

And now he manages the shelter. He's the manager. Mr. Willis, Frank, and Monica own it or 'operate it' like Huey says, but he manages it I think. I don't even know what a manager really does, but he makes the schedules for the people that work there, the companies that are going to donate, and now pays the bills. And he's sixteen, going on to seventeen this year, and has that job, a job I think is for adults with a lot of work experience, a kind of stressful job. And he doesn't ever talk about it. I just know about his duties there because I see him doing them and sometimes force him to tell me what he's doing on that laptop. That laptop I saw him working on once, with it open, like the real laptop open, with all those parts all over the desk, and his soldering iron next to it. I think he said he was putting a 'solid hard drive' in it. I didn't even know what that meant, but the next time I saw that laptop Mr. Willis was using it and he looked really happy with how fast it was working. I wonder where that boy is, and I inhale, seeing him.

I feel myself slide over, stand up, start walking up to him, getting to that boy, that tall boy holding that long purple sweater and I think a notebook in his hand, with that face, that really mad, angry face, and look over, squinting my eyes, trying to see what he's saying to him.

I focus and see him say, 'She know they chop 'em up, bury in backyard, and you here managing shit, managing fucken shelter, acting like you better cuz you tell me what to do, like you ever really fucken clean toilet, she don't know, she'll come when she.'

I inhale, seeing that tall boy take that step, run up to that chest, and push my way through.

I turn, grab those arms, put them around me, and pull with all my strength, feeling that hot chest on my back. And I feel him move a little, feeling myself breathe, feeling him walking with me, back to the table.

I exhale, feeling those arms holding me, feeling my sweater and that notebook over my left shoulder, and feel him do that, put his face in my hair, making me happy I left it down today, fluffy.

I exhale and say, "Thank you."

I feel him exhale, feeling that shaking, knowing that could've been really bad, maybe as bad as Chicago, but he let me pull him away, and say, "I love you and we're skipping next period."

I feel him exhale I think longer and feel my smile, feeling that shaking in those arms stopping.

We get to the table and I feel him let go with one arm only, not letting go with the other arm, almost like he wants to, needs to touch me right now.

I slide in onto the bench, feeling that arm over my shoulders, and feel him put my sweater over my legs. And I take the next sandwich out of the brown bag, unwrapping it, and say, "Caes, big brother, can you take notes next period, please?"

I hear the exhales at our table, finish unwrapping the sandwich, and hear Caesar say, "Yeah tiny one."

I thank Caesar and hand Huey the sandwich. And I feel that hand on my shoulder squeeze me into him, as he's taking the sandwich from my hand, and I look back down at my book. _Du Bois argued. The relationship resembled an antebellum form of hired help found in New England,_ _where a neighbor's girl lived in "like, one of the family." But Du Bois also recognized that class biases influenced the attitudes of some black employers who spoke as condescendingly about "the servant problem" as their white counterparts._

I exhale, mark the page, and close my book, knowing I want to read that last paragraph all over again. I grab my scrunchy from my pocket, feeling that hand on my shoulders move away. I put my hair in a low side ponytail, look behind me, grab that arm that's behind me, and put it over my shoulders again. I go under that arm, into his chest, knowing he's eating and doesn't need my hair in his face but I want to have his arm around me and I want to be close to him.

I close my eyes, feeling his chest move, hearing our friends talking again, hearing him chewing, happy he's eating again, but wanting this to end, these dumb people that think other people, other families matter, wanting that to end so we can have fun for hours without them bothering my sister, my friends and my Huey, wanting to get there already, and say, "I want Friday already."

And I hear the laughing, snickering with them, putting my face in that chest again, smelling him, feeling like myself again after he was gone for too long, like five whole minutes, and whisper, "What took you so long? I missed you."

I feel that squeeze on my shoulder and hear him say, "You said you forgot your notebook for Ms. Reed's class and I remembered when I was halfway back, turned around, and went to get it."

I exhale and whisper, "Okay, you're getting so many kisses after lunch is over."

I feel that rumbling in that chest, hearing that laugh, that cute laugh, not knowing if I heard someone falling over again, and hear that monotone voice say, "I hope so."

He hopes now, he laughs now, he smiles. And I remember my sister saying Riley does that a lot to now but real laughing, not the laughing he does when he's making fun of something, but real, happy laughing. Real laughing I can hear from all of our friends right now.

And I hear that voice say, "Fuck Riley, just paid you for this month and you wanna start next one already. Fuck man, but."

I hear Hiro exhale and hear him continue, "What days you want?"

And I start laughing, hearing everyone laughing again. Their bets.

* * *

I see her exhale, worried I think, feeling my small smile, and she says, "Jazmine I really don't know why it turned out like this again."

I exhale, feeling my small smile, and say, "It's okay Ms. Reed. I promise I'm okay and I'll just do the assignment and then read."

I see her nod with that worried look and she says, "I could ask one of your friends to join you."

I feel my smile get bigger, thinking about that, but.

I exhale and say, "But I don't want them dealing with stuff to and I don't wanna say who but they really shouldn't have to deal with that person. And it's supposed to be three people only and if it's different for our group people will think you're treating me differently and I don't want that because you're."

And I stop, feeling embarrassed because I want to say she's super nice, my favorite teacher, and I know some teachers have gotten in trouble for treating some students better than other students and I don't want her getting in trouble.

I see her smile, hoping I get to have her all through high school, and she says, "Thank you Jazmine but don't worry about what other students will say, this is about making sure everyone in my class feels comfortable, which until this school year is the way it has always been and the way it should continue to be."

And I feel my forehead scrunch thinking about something Frank said last week, something about the way things were and the way things are, like what Ms. Reed just said, and Frank said that, I think, when he told me to tell my sister thank you for letting Tamera and Tia call us auntie even though they did that on their own, how cute it was when Tamera said it and Huey did that half smile, and then I know for sure Frank also told me to take care of 'Howie' for him because I can do anything.

I exhale and say, "Thank you Ms. Reed but I'm not gonna make my friends sit in a group with that person and they're all in groups together and I want them to have that today and I'll see them next week so I'll just deal with it myself."

And I see her start laughing, feeling my smile, and she says, "High school was only slightly less catastrophic for us and we all made it out so I'm sure you'll be fine."

I exhale and say, "Ms. Reed, catastrophic, like horrible?" I see her nod with her smile and she says, "Yes, and if you choose to continue showing up early after next week I might tell you about that."

I nod feeling way too excited to know more about her and she says, "Good. I look forward to the extra help but I will ask that maybe you show up early only several times a week and not all week because Margaret is complaining about not having you there for her entire class."

I feel my mouth open, confused, hoping I'm not in trouble, knowing I have been leaving early every day but I thought Ms. Hoffman was okay with it.

I see Ms. Reed smile and she says, "No Jazmine you're not in trouble, I just think she misses your questions."

I exhale, feeling my cheeks get red, embarrassed because between Lena and me I think we take up all of Ms. Hoffman's time in answering questions we have. But I do miss our walks.

I smile and say, "Okay Ms. Reed. I'll ask Ms. Hoffman what days I can still leave early and that way me and my friend can walk over here like we used to before I stopped because."

And I stop, feeling my small smile, not wanting to talk about that. I see Ms. Reed nod with her smile and she says, "That would work out just fine and I don't think this should change anything but I'll have you know that certain student's grades do benefit when you're in group with them, possibly because they participate more, but again that should not change any way you go about being in class because you are only responsible for your grade. Do you understand that sweetheart?"

I feel my smile, seeing her eyes get big, I think because she wasn't supposed to call me that, and say, "Yes Ms. Reed and you're my favorite teacher."

I see her exhale with her smile, I think embarrassed, and hear her whisper really low, "I won't tell Margaret and please remember you have two passes to go to the restroom."

I can't help and giggle, nod, and say, "Thank you Ms. Reed."

I exhale, see her nod at me, and I turn around.

I start walking over to where the group is, hearing students get too quiet, hearing them whispering. I feel that hand grab my hand, squeeze it, let go of it, feeling like I'm going into battle, and hear a voice say, "Why are all the groups so quiet, especially with such a consuming assignment or do I have to make it slightly longer with more requirements?"

I hear the talking again, get to that chair, feeling him looking at me, and hear that voice say, "I'm surprised, I thought Ms. Reed would let you go to another group."

I exhale, take out my notebook from my backpack, feeling my smile remembering it fell on the floor when he pushed me down on that couch, kissing me like that until we stopped because we're here, in school, and I'm special to him and he wanted to talk.

I exhale, taking out my pen, and say, "Well she didn't because this is the group number I got and I don't think she's ever treated me like I'm special, actually making me do more work, but if you wanna be treated like that Michelle I think you can ask her to let you show up early so you can do extra work to."

I hear her exhale, calling me something dumb, open my notebook, and hear him say, "Jazmine, just let me talk to you."

And I feel my smile seeing what he wrote in my notebook probably on the way back to the table.

_I love you. If you tell anyone, I'll have to kill you._

I can't help and start giggling, knowing if I can handle an ex-domestic terrorist, who now I know wasn't ever completely 'ex' since he was still doing those jobs, I know I can handle anything.

I hear him say my name, exhale, thanking Black Jesus for that page, and turn it over to the next page, making sure to not crease that page because I'm saving it. Then on the next page I write down Michelle's name, Cairo's name, and my name.

I grab the paper with the instructions that's in the middle of the desks, start reading it, hearing them talking, well, Michelle talking and Cairo trying to ask me something.

I exhale and say, "It looks like the instructions say we need to make just a rough draft of an essay, so I guess just the thesis for the first paragraph, the three things we're gonna use to argue the thesis, and those things would be the first sentence to the other paragraphs, the body of the essay, and then we have to write the conclusion. It says she wants us to write the first paragraph and the conclusion completely and give her at least three things we would use to argue the thesis from examples we found in the chapter. And that's the question we need to answer with the thesis. It's not hard, just a lot."

I exhale, hearing Michelle still talking over me, and hear Cairo say, "A'ight, let's do it then. What question we gotta answer?"

I exhale, knowing I was talking to Ms. Reed for like five minutes and they didn't even read the instructions, and read out loud the question, "Did African American women, in particular the ones we read about in Chapter 3 of _To 'Joy My Freedom_, fight the oppressive system they were under and if they did, how did they fight that system?"

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "What you think?"

And I hear Michelle answer, "No because they didn't change anything, I mean they just worked, so that's not fighting anything."

I exhale, writing down what she said, and hear Cairo say, "Why you writing that?"

I inhale and say, "Because even if I don't agree with Michelle it's still an answer we need to talk about."

I hear him exhale and hear Michelle say, "'Course you wouldn't agree with it."

I exhale and ask, "What about you Cairo? How would you answer it?"

I hear him exhale longer I think and hear him say, "I 'on't know but working, if you work, no matter what it is, it's hard, even if it's just keeping you from drowning and shit."

I feel my eyebrow rise, knowing that's a good way to describe working a lot and still always not having enough to just have the fundamental things you need, as I'm writing it down, and hear him say, "Jazmine?"

I hear Michelle say his name and say, "Yes Cairo, I'm writing your answer down to."

I hear him say, "Nah, I wanna know how'd you answer that shit."

I exhale, I think hearing Michelle saying something dumb, and say, "I'd answer yes because they fought with surviving, they fought with working at those bad jobs and not just leaving their kids to take care of themselves without food or clothes, they fought with asking for stuff, making people angry, leaving those jobs where they were harassed, looking for better ones or making up new jobs like selling food on the street, and then they fought when they met in their churches to talk about jobs, places to find cheap food, places to live, building schools or having church classes for kids, and even politics that were really important to those women, because that's what the last ten pages is all about, how important those churches were to those women, where they were happy, safe, or at least felt like they were, and where they talked about how to keep fighting that system where they couldn't get better jobs, couldn't ask for schools for their kids, and would be told by police outside their church that they couldn't organize to just talk. So, yes, they fought."

And I hear her say, "I hate you, you stupid..."

I inhale, hearing Cairo say something to her, I think telling her to shut up, and say, "We have three answers and we have to pick one to be the thesis, the strongest one, so we can go through the first two again, try to find examples from the chapter to help argue them, and then pick the strongest one after that. But the one we pick has to have lots of examples, no matter which one it is, and it doesn't matter how we feel about the thesis we pick because we're supposed to work on this together, agree on it, and that's all I want to do, then I can move my desk back and read my book, not talk to you, not look at you, just get away from you, so let's just finish this, please, no arguing, no calling me anything or I will stop working with you two right now and we can all work on our essays separately since Ms. Reed said we can do that to, even if that means the highest grade we can get on this assignment is a 'B'. I don't care, I work really hard in this class, have a good grade right now because I do work really hard, and I can take the 'B'. So decide, both of you, now, and the moment I hear one more thing I don't want you calling me Michelle, I'll leave the group. I'm giving you enough time to make a good decision, seven seconds, decide."

I exhale, closing my eyes, counting those seven seconds, hoping I take the 'B'.

* * *

I don't like threatening people, but I guess it can work sometimes. I feel my smile thinking I'll have to tell her. Maybe I'll text her after school.

And I exhale, happy, and keep reading. _In the urban South black women and domestic labor were virtually synonymous_. I take my pen and underline that word but I think that just means alike or the same. _synonymous, and they were locked out of relatively better paying jobs reserved for white women exclusively_. Exclusively, like exclude, so keeping people out_. exclusively. The difficulty black women faced in breaking out of segregated domestic labor was demonstrated most dramatically by_. And I feel my phone vibrate.

I take my phone out of my pocket and smile at the text. I look up, see Adah putting her phone back in her pocket, looking down at her paper, I think writing what Lisa's saying, in that group with Johnny, knowing I'm so happy Lisa started going to their club this week. And Adah wants to hang out next week.

I put my phone back in my pocket, knowing I'll remember to call her because of that text, look back at my book that I get to read because I was kind of a little too hard on Michelle and Cairo and told them I was only going to work with them for half an hour at most and then they could finish the essay themselves. Then they started paying attention and looking for those examples in the chapter.

I exhale and keep reading. _demonstrated most dramatically by a strike by white women in a local textile mill in 1897. On August 4, twenty black women were hired to fold bags at the Fulton Bag and Cotton Mill. In response, two hundred white women who worked in the folding department refused to go to work. _I exhale. They didn't want to go to work just because of twenty black women working there._ Twelve hundred women, men, and children, except three who stayed behind to train the new recruits, followed the strikers by the next day. The mill women used their social networks, as the black washerwomen had done, to garner_. I underline that word but I think it means to get something._ to garner support for the strike in the village near the mill and other areas inhabited by workers. But the male-dominated Textile Workers Protective Union took over the leadership of the strike. One male strike supporter conceded_. I underline that word hoping to ask my mom later because I know I heard her use it a lot when she's on the phone with Lawrence._ conceded that the movement was "started by the ladies and was being directed by the ladies," but men_.

And I hear the door open._ but men in the union assumed the mantle_. I underline that word._ mantle of public leadership of the strike, making most of the speeches at rallies and meetings._

And I hear that desk move over, closer to me.

I exhale, knowing I'm done talking, and keep reading. _at rallies and meetings, serving on committees, and representing the grievances of the workers before the owners of the mill._

I hear him say my name I think and say, "We're done with the assignment Cairo. Don't talk to me."

Where was I? There. _owners of the mill._ _The workers complained about low wages, long hours, and the lack of extra pay for evening work. They accused the management of preparing for their wholesale replacement by blacks, as it had been undermining_. I underline that word._ undermining their position by hiring blacks one at a time over the past year while turning away white female applicants. Before the hiring of the new women, according to one estimate,_" And I see that hand cover my page.

I exhale and say, "Move your hand now."

I hear him exhale and hear him say, "Damn, you that fucken mad."

I inhale and say, "I don't care what you think. Move your hand."

I see him move his hand, grab mine, and I pull my hand back.

I look up at him, see him looking at me, like that, like things never changed, and say, "Cairo what is wrong with you? First you're okay staying away from me, then you start being nice, and then you get mean again, telling me and my boyfriend that," And I see him inhale and I continue, "And stop that. You don't get to decide anything about me. I will kiss him as much as I want and you and me are not friends, not even trying to be after this month with how you've been, first making me feel bad for not talking to you even for a second, after you almost got into a fight with my family and my boyfriend at their jobs, and then you say that to me at lunch, like you can say anything to me, so much I don't even want to see you before class anymore, and now you keep touching me. What is wrong with you, why are you mean to me when I've only tried to be nice to you?"

I see him exhale, see him look down at the table I think, and hear him say, really quietly, "I was cool for a minute, thought shit could change, even thought I was better from that dumb shit they made me do, and then they start calling, telling my ass how I ain't white, money school giving me ain't mine and I'm just a poor motherfucker like them, and they seen my mom working and she looks tired as fuck, and I gotta go back to 'least make money for her, but they don't give a fuck that she looks tired, probably tired cuz I think she still hitting the bottle like she do, probably still smoking her pack a day. But I knows they don't give a shit 'bout that, they just want me back cuz 'least I could talk better than them, sometimes sound like I know something, 'nough I can get fools to do what I need, and they need me for that shit, to get fools to make them runs where pigs only get one or two of us, and all of a sudden life here ain't real and I gotta go back."

I exhale, feeling bad for him, but he's still been so mean and none of that makes sense with how he's been with me, and I can't with him anymore, I can't, because I don't know if he's even trying anymore.

I exhale, look back down at my book, and try to keep reading. _according to one estimate there were already fifty blacks working in the mills; in all likelihood these were mostly men hired to do the dirtiest jobs as sweepers, scrubbers, yard hands, and roustabouts. _I underline that word. _roustabouts. The few black women in any mills in the city were scrubwomen or cleaners. Production jobs were reserved exclusively for whites, except on occasion when they left their machines idle during breaks or under other special circumstances._

And I hear him say my name again and say, "Please Cairo, I'm just trying to read, please."

I exhale and keep reading. _special circumstances. The owners argued that white workers were treated well at the mills_ _and paid good wages, which should have given them no justifiable cause for complaint. The company had fallen behind on its production schedule and had explicitly advertised vacancies for white women, only to be rebuffed_. I underline that word._ rebuffed by prospective applicants who objected to working in the heat and for the hours requested. The owners ended up hiring black women out of necessity, not by choice. Labor shortages were chronic problems_. Chronic. I underline that word but I think I heard Ms. Lola say she has 'chronic pain' like. And I feel my small smile. Like Mrs. Winters says when she talks about the residents at the nursing home. I inhale. Chronic means something that comes back and won't completely go away, like the pain the residents have all the time. I wonder how Mrs. Harrington's doing. I exhale. I'll see her later for sure and ask her.

And I hear him say, "Just ended that shit with her cuz she don't help me. I mean it wasn't some real relationship but all she does is talk 'bout shit that don't matter and I want someone that's gonna help me, actually fucken care 'bout me, not talk 'bout other people, how she don't trust other people when for reals it's me, I mean I'm the one that let's that shit happen, and I mean it ain't like I can stop, they come to me, and I'm just there, ain't doing shit, and I'm not gonna say no when I'm bored and it's there."

I exhale and keep reading. _Labor shortages were chronic problems for cotton textile owners, who were often unable to find sufficient numbers of women and children to meet their needs or too dependent_ _on transient workers moving in and out of the mills. _I exhale. I can't believe they hired little kids for real jobs, not even lemonade stands in front of their house where they could go hide in their house if they really wanted to, but real jobs where they could get hurt in those factories. I inhale. Focus Jazmine. I underline the word 'transient' and keep reading._ Textile mills were also competing for white women workers within a burgeoning field of manufacturers in Atlanta_. Burgeoning. That's such a Huey word. I can't help giggling as I'm underlining that word.

And hearing him again I say, "Yes Cairo, I told you I'm reading."

I hear him inhale and hear him say, "Tol' you I'm sorry, just been fucked up with those fools calling but I ain't taking their calls no more, not since."

I exhale, trying to focus on my book, and hear him say, "Your birthday."

I inhale and keep reading. _burgeoning field of manufacturers in Atlanta_. _The strikers spurred on their troops by holding rallies in their neighborhoods and delivering passionate speeches. One orator "won eternal fame" at a rally as he exclaimed: "it was a shame and an outrage for 'our __wives to be forced to work along side nasty, black, stinkin' nigger wimmin."' The strikers won a lot of sympathy for fighting to preserve racial purity, especially from fellow trade unionists who believed the strikers were fighting on behalf of a "greater principle than any ever presented to the laboring people."_

I inhale. Dumb people that believe in "racial purity" when I remember Huey saying mixing things a lot of times makes even strong, healthier solutions because you can sometimes get the strong stuff out of the two things that you're mixing, like when he mixed those medicines for a cold I had when I was thirteen. I feel my smile, remembering I saw his face, heard him tell me to drink something, drank it, and then went back to sleep. And I woke up the next day feeling so much better that I even went to school in the middle of the day to be with him, my sister, and Riley for lunch and stayed in school the rest of the day. And he told me that day what he did, how he mixed some medicines that would be safe because they were for kids but it could help me if the solution was stronger. And he says mixing things sometimes makes even stronger, healthier solutions. And I just said that didn't I? I inhale and blink, looking at my book. I just said that, how I understand that mixing things sometimes makes stronger solutions. So maybe it really is okay for me to be what I am, black, white, creole, everything, no matter what racists mean kids said to me in elementary and middle school. Even if I still think just black, just being black is beautiful, because then kids won't call other kids those mean names, but maybe, maybe for sure it's okay to be me, to be a mixture of different things, and those people that believe in "racial purity" are just dumb people.

And I hear the door open, look up, and exhale. And why is he here? This is my happy place when I don't have to deal with Cairo and Michelle. I don't want him here. And I see him look over where I am, see him look at me, and feel myself go into my chair, grabbing my long purple sweater behind my chair for some reason, that purple sweater I left in Huey's locker after school on Monday. I put my sweater over my arms, feeling kind of naked in this t-shirt, and hear Ms. Reed say something to him. I see him turn to her and he says, "I found a student of yours outside talking on her phone and thought you should know."

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear a voice from outside of our class say, "I wasn't Mr. Leon! I was just looking at my phone! And you only care because I was talking about him and because I'm not Ashley!"

I see Mr. Leon turn to the door and hear him say, "You are in trouble for loitering in front of your class instead of being in here learning whatever it is you're learning in this class, and I'll see to it that you at least learn to not loiter again, specifically just to be on your phone, something your teacher should be making sure you learn instead of the things being taught here."

I exhale, look down at my book, wanting this period to kind of end now, and hear Ms. Reed's voice say, "I'm sorry Ron, when did you start teaching my students anything about loitering or for that matter knowing what they're learning in this class?"

And I can't help but smirk, looking at my book, I think hearing a lot people snickering, and hear Mr. Leon say, "Billie I'm the school appointed counselor and I'm here for the wellbeing of these students, which includes making sure they're not loitering when they should be in class. I'm not here to teach them anything, specifically the subject of this class, a class I do not see a point in having to begin with but that's beside the point. Just do your job and do not let your students loiter in front of your class."

I exhale, squeezing my pen, remembering everything I just read about men, white men, taking leadership over women's groups, how they treated them back then and even now, even if those white women back then were racists, really racists white women, but Ms. Reed isn't racist, not even a little I think. No, she isn't. And she is for sure my favorite teacher.

And I hear that voice say, "Ron, now why must you disgrace yourself by speaking to me in that way, let alone telling me how I should do my job, when I'm just a woman, a woman who's had to stop you from taking my students to the front office for nonthreatening reasons, students who have always, always been students of color or young women, because you feel they threaten you in some way, like I do because I'm a woman whose family has also defended students from your baseless accusations and even more so because I happen to be married to someone who's black, my husband. You do remember my husband right Ron?"

I look up, feeling my mouth open seeing Mr. Leon exhale really mad I think, and he says, "I do and he was just as," and I hear Ms. Reed cut him off saying, "Watch your language Ron when it comes to my family or my husband. I was simply reminding you of why it is you do not teach this class, because you know nothing about the subject of this class, race relations, the history of them, class structure, the ways they make our lives the way they are, and you would never be capable of teaching this class with such a short view on life. Now, let my student be. If she was on her phone that is her business as I do not make it a condition that my students leave their phone in class when they want to use the restroom, unless of course we are taking a test, which we are not, and which is none of your business. And furthermore, leave my class because you've taken up too much of my class time."

Okay, I love all my teachers but she will maybe always be my favorite. And I can't help but start laughing. I can't help it, hearing the class laughing, putting my face in my book, laughing into my book, smelling it, the smell I love of books, real books, not online stuff, but real books, like all those books in my house, his house, and exhale hearing the door slam shut.

I look up, see Ms. Reed smirk at us, and she says, "Please do not let that deter you from your classwork and I will state that yes that is my first name, I would prefer that you do not refer to me by my first name until after you graduate, and yes my mother had a love for Billie Holiday, now please continue working."

I exhale, hearing everyone say 'Yes Ms. Reed,' hearing them talking about their essays, knowing for sure everyone in class likes her at least a little. And I know pop's talks about that singer, Billie Holiday, and I'm going to ask him to let us listen to some of her music.

And I see Ms. Reed exhale, stand up, and walk over to the door, hearing her say Michelle's name before walking out and closing the door behind her.

I exhale, hoping I'm as fast, as smart, and as strong as all the women I know one day, and look back down at my book to keep reading. _A resolution by the Painter's Union helped to goad_. I underline that word and feel that hand.

I pull my hand away, look up at him, see him looking at me, and say, "Why do you think you can do that? Touch me? Like I'm your friend or more? Because I'm not, so stop touching me, please."

I see that kind of hurt look, shake my head, look down at my book, and hear him say, "Cuz that's all I think of, how it feels, when I touched you those few times, like I ain't that fucked up, like things gonna get better and I just gotta show up, and I know it's cuz of you, cuz I know I feel like that when I touch you, and I fucken get this feeling, this feeling I get when I see someone else touch you, cuz I know they don't deserve to feel like that, how you make me feel, and I fucken hate that feeling, watching, knowing you're giving that feeling to them, when they don't fucken deserve you."

I close my book. Darn it. Mr. Leon's probably still out there. And if I leave he could say Ms. Reed let me leave early and maybe he'll get her in trouble. What do I do? I don't want to hear this. I look up at the clock. Five minutes. Five minutes and it's over.

And I hear that door open, feeling myself breathe, looking down at my closed book, even if it's her, and hear those steps.

I hear that desk move I think closer to Cairo and I open my book, trying, really, really trying to focus, and keep reading. _A resolution by the Painter's Union helped to goad_ _the owners into a defensive posture as it demonstrated that other whites in the city would not stand by silently in the face of a threat to the color line in the industry reserved for whites only. The painters condemned the textile owners' actions as "one of the most dastardly and disreputable acts ever perpetrated on the white working women of the south." _I underline the word 'perpetrated' but I think I've heard my mom use it to, I think it means someone committing a crime. I'll ask her later._ perpetrated on the white working women of the south. They ended their resolution with a stinging insult to discredit the mill owner's loyalty to the race: Jacob Elsas "should be required to do himself what he has endeavored to force white women to do-make social equals of negro women. " Elsas tried to minimize the importance of the strike by attributing_. I underline that word, hear them talking, well, Michelle talking, feeling myself breathe a little more, and keep reading. _attributing_ _it to a misunderstanding and by underscoring_. I underline that word. _underscoring_ _his intention to segregate the races. He had never planned for there to be direct contact between black and white women in his factory. "I have no desire to oppress any of the people, nor am I forced to take the advice of the Painters' Union," Elsas stated defensively. "I do not mind having my dinner served by a colored cook, but I don't say that they should sit down to my table."_

And I exhale, hearing Michelle say that, and hear Cairo say, "What you mean now you wanna have me meet 'em. Fuck that. I told you I wanted to, maybe testing you, see if you'd let me meet 'em, and you kept coming up with weak ass excuses and now that you know I ain't going back cuz I always got more waiting, now, now you wanna let me meet your folks. Nah, don't want that no more."

I want to move my desk away, I do, but it's less than five minutes now, maybe three minutes, and I don't want to make it a big deal. It was already a big deal when he came back from the restroom and moved his desk closer to mine because I know some people got quiet and I don't want to make this a big deal. I just want to read. Okay, focus Jazmine and keep reading. _Elsas expressed solidarity with the fundamental premise of the strike-that black women's proper place in the Southern political_ _economy was as servants to whites, not as "social equals." In this instance, however, Elsas's needs as a businessman, in search of labor that was in short supply, conflicted with his views that were otherwise consistent with keeping black women in their "natural" place._

And I hear her call me that, what Ashley used to call me and I think still does when I hear the gossip in class, the things she still says about me, calling me 'Jazmon' and saying I have a fat ass, and I just don't want to. I just don't want to. And it's less than a minute now, I know it.

I close my book, grab my backpack, put my book in it, hearing stuff, I think Cairo saying something, zip it up, and say, "Cairo, you touch me and I will slap you, Michelle, I like my fat ass, a lot, it reminds me that I look like my mom, my mama who's part black, and my boyfriend loves all of that about me, so you can kiss my fat ass."

I stand up, moving my chair sideways with my hip, move back, hearing the bell ring, knowing I'm so much better with time now, turn, and start walking to the door, hearing stuff.

I get to the door, push it open, and feel my smile seeing him at that corner again, like he has been since that day, so he can 'make sure that unrealistic Jazmine head is safe as soon as it leaves that room' he said.

And I see that half smile, almost his complete smile, I think because it's today, and we don't have to deal with these people for a whole week, feeling my eyes get watery, happy we get a week to be with friends and family, and see those burgundies look up, over my head I think with those eyebrows lowering, and hear that voice say my name.

I inhale. No. I turn around, see him, feel that hand grab my hand, twist out of it, stepping back, feeling that warm chest with my back, and see that mocha colored fist hit Cairo's chin. No. No. No.

I push back on that chest and say, "Huey please! No!"

And I see that hand, Cairo's fist coming over my head, inhale, seeing it's too close to my forehead, too close, like he's going to hit me, and feel that heat behind me disappear, blink, and see that dark black t-shirt inside that green jacket, that jacket that smells like laundry soap because he washes it every week so he can wear it at least on Fridays, that jacket that I got from that organization that's going to help people, I think mostly black and Latino men they said, when they get out of prison, that jacket with all those patches I got to pick from their list, patches I think those men coming out of prison sewed, like that patch, that patch over his heart, that circular patch with the black around the edge, the light blue inside of it, with the panther inside the light blue, and over that panther in black letters 'Black Panther Party' and under that panther in the same black letters 'For Self-Defense.' My favorite patch on that jacket. And one Ming also bought and surprised her boyfriend with. And my boyfriend is wearing that black t-shirt, that green jacket with those patches, hearing him inhale, and feel that chest in my face, almost feeling that hit to his back.

I inhale, look up, see those burgundies looking down at me, and hear him ask me if I'm okay. I exhale, feeling my eyes get watery, and say, "I'm so sorry Huey, I'm so sorry, I should've slapped him, and I saw his fist and I didn't move and I heard that, and it sounded like it hurt, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, and," and I feel those arms around me, smelling that chest, feeling the tears going onto that black t-shirt, hearing I think Dewey saying something to Cairo, I don't know.

And I close my eyes, putting my face into that chest, putting my hands under that jacket, going up that back, feeling him exhale, knowing Cairo hit him really up close, I think really hard, right on his back, where he has pain from training and now I know from times he fell from buildings he was running from with files and things to help innocent men and women with their case, knowing that hit had to hurt and he's just not going to say it because it's Huey Freeman and he thinks he doesn't feel pain, and I need to take care of him. I open my eyes, look over my shoulder, bringing my hands down to that waist, pulling on it, seeing the path the students are making for us I think, and pull on that waist as softly as I can, moving my hand back up to that back, moving it slowly over that place I think where he hit him, feeling him exhale longer for sure, and say, "It's Friday, I'm coming over for your break and giving you a fifteen minute massage, and no arguing about this."

And I see Mr. Leon, I think smirking at us, who didn't stop that, maybe so Huey and Cairo could hurt themselves. And I feel him put his arm around my shoulders, feeling him pull me in, looking away from Mr. Leon as we're passing him, moving my hand over that place that feels too warm on his back, knowing those muscles are trying to let go of that energy, that hit, something I read online. And I see us get to the staircase and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. I hope so."

I exhale, hoping nothing happens at work for him. Please, please Black Jesus, let him have a good day at work.

* * *

I feel that kiss on the back of my neck, hear that giggle, and hear that voice say, "Are you falling asleep bestie?"

I exhale, giving her my answer, feeling those small hands kneading that place directly now, and hear her say, "Well try not to because I still need you to drive me back to the nursing home but I promise tonight I'll give you one where it starts at the bottom of your back, all the way up, and then you can fall asleep."

I exhale longer and say the selfish truth, "I want that."

I hear that giggle, feeling my smirk, relaxed, with the door locked, knowing he's here, but if he comes in here I'll kill him.

And I feel that breath in my ear, feeling my temperature rising for non-fucken-idiot reasons, and hear that voice say, "And remember to look forward to next week okay because we're gonna have fun with friends, family, and," and I feel relaxed enough to sit up, feeling those hands leaving my back, turn around sitting on top of this pointless empty box she had me bring from the storage room that we were going to throw out anyways, and put my hands on those hips.

I look up at that face and see her come down, tasting those lips, feeling those hands on my neck, that bite on my lip, opening my mouth, and feeling that tongue over my own, that small tongue that taste like some of that lip balm, along with those lips, hearing her say my name, hearing her say she loved that insignificant writing I left in her notebook and she wants to laminate that page and hang it up, and I bite that lip, hearing her moan.

I let go of that lip, see her lick that full bottom lip, look up at those freckles and then those greens, both of which can come from whatever family she wants them to come from, and say, "Fine, but the things you find romantic, possibly those two sentences, some would find cold, maybe robotic, where I can't say I love you without threatening you after."

I see that smile, feeling myself relax further, and she says, "But then it wouldn't be you, in your blunt Huey way of saying you love me and don't want anyone to get in between that so I shouldn't tell anyone about it or you might have to threaten or hurt someone that tries anything, and that's just who you are and I like who you are, I think specially that part, and anyways you do say you love me and not threaten me afterwards."

I feel my eyebrow rise, see that tint cover those freckles, feeling my smirk, seeing her smile, knowing she's talking about that part of our life, the one we're still exploring, knowing I'm taking my time with that because I get to ask for things today, see her nod, and she says, "And really Huey what you do is way more than a lot of girls get, with the kisses and hugs and keeping me warm and basically not letting me walk because we're always in Dorothy, which we should probably let Grandad have for the weekend so he can go see Ms. Lola, oh and then you protect me and even got hurt today because of me not slapping him, and I'm sorry and I love you."

I exhale, remembering that fist, knowing it would've scraped her at the very least, how I didn't think I would be fast enough, wouldn't be, how I needed to be faster, and push against that fucken wind in the hallway, moving around that shoulder, feeling that hit as I stepped down with my left foot, and felt it, that hit that was too fucken low, right below my shoulder blades. The fucken idiot piece of worthless shit would've hit her.

I exhale, feel her kiss me, feeling her put those legs over me, closing my eyes, and feel her sit on me with those long legs on my sides. I feel those breasts on my chest, pressing on me, feeling myself twitch, feeling those long arms going over my shoulders, down to my shoulder blades, and feel those fingers moving over that place I felt that hit. I inhale, feeling the warmth over that part of my back with those fingers moving over it, alleviating a hit I was not ready for, feeling that waist I'm holding, tasting that tongue, not caring how long it's been knowing I can ask for this today because I'm possibly, maybe, cleaner today, and less of that heartless kid I was when I met her, and it was because of her. It was because of her insistence on seeing good in me, squeezing that ass in my hands, hearing her, feeling that grinding over me, that warmth between her legs, where I haven't been in some time because we're busy during the week, only sleepover each other's house on the weekends, and last week she was on her menstrual cycle, the one I know about because I try to make sure to carry pain medicine for her, even if she has yet to ask for it, remembering Grandad saying women tend to be more emotional during that time and if we were going to be friends I should just get used to it but I could carry pain medicine with me during that week to help her in lessening the physical pain she goes through. But she's strong, possibly takes pain medicine, but never complains about the pain, maybe to her sister and friends, but not to me, possibly because she wants to look strong in front of me.

Fuck. And I feel her going faster, feeling myself getting too hard, because it has been too fucken long since I was inside of her. Shit. And I start unbuttoning my pants, not giving a fuck, just wanting to hear her saying my name like that in my ear, feeling that warm tightness, that strength behind it, holding me completely like that, hearing only her breathing in my ear, not hearing another damn thing, just her saying she wants all of me, feeling my precum already, knowing I won't last but I don't give a fuck, unbuttoning the last one, remembering that exceptional condom in my wallet, and hear that sound. Shit.

And I move back, onto the hard floor, on top of that wooden board, making sure we landed away from the two sides of that pointless empty box she had me bring from the storage room that we were going to throw out anyways.

And I hear that laugh and open my eyes. And I see her laughing like that, not even slightly embarrassed that we were in the midst of that here and our 'bed,' for lack of better word, collapsed, not embarrassed at all but enjoying herself, in the kind of situation where I believe most teenagers would be angry, but she's happy. And I feel myself doing it, putting my face in that neck, hugging that waist, not caring if I'm hard or not, laughing into that neck that smells like her, feeling that 'feeling', that feeling of lightness, that lightness, if that's what it is, feeling it in my stomach, regardless of how the world works, how it is right now, how all I can do is speak the truth, laughing into that neck, feeling that lightness in my stomach, and say the selfish truth, "I love you."

I feel that kiss on my cheek and hear her say, "I love you."

And I hear that knock, inhale, knowing, and feel those hands possibly cover that place on my back that fucken idiot luckily hit instead of the top of her head, that fucken piece of worthless shit, as I'm hearing my brother telling him to leave and do his work or he'll drag him across the hallway after what he heard he almost did to his little sister, feeling my temperature rising for fucken-idiot reasons, feeling those fingers moving over that spot on my back, hearing my brother and that fucken idiot I need to kill or beat or drag over to a fucken cliff and push over, hopefully one that has hyenas or wolves at the bottom, talking, cursing at each other, and hear her say she's sorry.

I move back, knowing if needed I'll go out there but I trust my brother, and I grab that face with those eyes coated in that water, and kiss that face. I kiss those lips, that forehead, anywhere she'll let me, and tell her to stop apologizing because I don't want to hear it because there's nothing to apologize for and all I want to hear is her say my name and all those Jazmine ideas as unrealistic as they are because they possibly, maybe, make me happy and laugh. And I feel those arms hug my torso, those fingers pulling on my back, possibly still trying to massage my back, tasting that tongue, no longer hearing my brother or that other fucken idiot's voice behind the door, wanting this to continue, possibly until tomorrow morning or until she wants to leave, and hear that sound, the sound of the alarm on her phone.

Shit. Damn. Responsibilities. I hear that giggle, open my eyes to that smile, and she says, "I know bestie but I have all next week to annoy you because there's no school remember."

I feel my exhale, nod, and say, "Fine, and I know you want to spend time with your mother and sister tonight, possibly to talk about things having to do with next week, so I won't crawl through your window tonight, maybe, possibly, I might even fall asleep after you give me that massage, knowing the alarm for your house will be on, you're not planning on leaving your house to any of those idiot teenage parties, but I want you to sleepover tomorrow and Sunday night, to at least start this short vacation off well, and I want you there as much as you want, every damn day if you want, if not at the very least to show up by nine every morning."

I see that fine eyebrow rise and she says, "Who said I'm not going to Krissy's party tonight?"

I bring my hand back down to that waist, under that shirt, see those greens open, and start pulling on the skin over those ribs, feeling her trying to move back, holding her with my other hand, hearing her ask for mercy, saying she was kidding and she's not going to that party, and feel that lightness in my stomach laughing with her, as I'm watching her laughing, and know I have exactly half a minute before I have to take her back to her volunteer work. And I'm tickling her that entire half a minute.

* * *

I exhale. I mean why would they not be giving out things? Like how does that make sense? I mean where are they going to get the things they need now? And what if they run out of other stuff to? I mean they probably need even more than this stuff, probably even notebooks but they probably don't want to ask for that to. And this company was supposed to start helping them after that other program stopped helping. They were supposed to help.

I exhale. Black Jesus, what do we do now?

And I feel my small smile thinking about that, how that night, after we made tea, and talked, we came back to his room. Then I read that email Ericka sent about that program, the program from the city that wasn't taking request from families anymore. And he sat behind me, on his bed, with his chin on my shoulder, listening to a song coming out of my laptop that's on the album for the Black Jesus soundtrack that's coming out this year. And we talked more, Huey and me, talked about those companies that helped with other stuff, until we remembered about this company that could help give families school supplies, listening to the soundtrack of the Black Jesus play.

I exhale. The Black Jesus album. The play of Black Jesus that happened that Christmas when we were ten. Christmas. Christmas? And I feel my eyes open. Oh my god Jazmine! Christmas!

I grab my phone, go to my texts, open it, and start typing it in. I press send, put my phone back down, and go back to my laptop.

I go to the search box, type in the name of that company, and then hear that ding. I look back down at my phone and read the text.

_Ming AKA Mimi's the best: Yeah. Last I checked, still opened. I can call them and just make sure. Monday?_

I exhale, happy, and reply.

_Me: Yes Mimi's. Please. I'll email Ericka._

I put my phone down, happy there's maybe a plan now, and go back to my laptop. I close those windows, so many websites, and go back to my emails, looking for that folder where I'm trying to keep those emails, trying to be more organized with everything, just so much, so many amazing things, a lot of hard things, but so many amazing, and I hear that ding. I look back down at my phone, feeling my small smile.

_Ming AKA Mimi's the best: So fucken happy you handling that dumb bitch now. I just can't with her Jazzy. I mean I get it. I do. She does her thing there. But she really thinks she's slick with that shit? Fuck that. I told Michael I ever see her I'ma slap her. Yeah Jazzy you take care of that and I'm just staying out of that shit. But for sure I'll call them on Monday and tell you what they say._

I exhale. Poor Ming. And Ericka is just so dumb for doing that and getting on Ming's bad side. My Mimi's that helps so much and Ericka is just so. I exhale and reply.

_Me: Okay Mimi's. Just know you're Mimi's and we only work with her but if she starts anything again I'm okay working only with Waldo because I will always be on your side and she's just so so. I have to stop because I have to reply to her email and try to be nice._

I inhale, looking back at the screen on my laptop, that folder with those emails, the ones just from Ericka and Waldo, trying, trying to be nice. And I hear that ding and look back down at my phone.

_Ming AKA Mimi's the best: LOL I know Jazzy and I know you always on my side, always, I love you so fucken much for that. Okay, texting Cin bear who's asking me bout that show we watched last week that they wanted to watch, but for sure I'll call Monday._

I thumbs up that message, still getting used to all the things I can do with my new phone and look back at my laptop. Be nice Jazmine. This is work. And this is not about us, it's about those little kids that need this.

I open that email and start typing.

_Hello Ericka,_

_Thank you for telling us what those families said. If you see them again please tell them we're going to see if one of the companies that was giving out school supplies in Christmas still has any left and hopefully they can get the things they need from that company, like the posters and hopefully some of the art supplies for that school fair. Ming is going to call them on Monday, find out, and then I'll let you know that day. Have a goodnight._

_Jazmine_

And I feel my eyebrow rise, remembering something I read online about being professional. And this is work. I delete my name and type it in again.

_Best regards,_

_Jazmine Dubois_

I exhale and send the email.

And I hear those steps, look up, and feel my smile, seeing him carrying those two cups.

I see him walk over to the nightstand, put them down, and say, "Thank you bestie."

I lean over, grab the cup with that really good smell, and see that hand grab my hand. I look up and see that beautiful face come down and then feel him kiss me.

I exhale, kiss him back, feel him move away, and he says, "Now you can have some."

I giggle at how cute he is, grab the cup, and take that drink, tasting that really good new tea he got. I wonder what flavor that is.

I put it down, feeling the bed move, look over at him, feeling my smile seeing him sitting to my left where I usually sleep, and see him looking at that email.

I exhale and say, "I replied already. Basically Ericka said yesterday she saw one of the moms from those three families whose sons and brothers got arrested back in November and that mom told her there was a school fair coming up, I think a science fair they have in spring for middle schools since I remember that's when we had ours, and they need stuff for that. The problem is that company we sent them to that is supposed to give them those kind of school supplies, you know, after that program stopped doing it, well that company stopped giving out school supplies to, and they didn't even say why, they just stopped so."

I exhale, looking at that email from Ericka that has 'replied' at the top, and say, "Luckily, and I don't know if you remember with everything you and Caes were doing in Christmas, but there was that company that was giving out school supplies, I think other stuff to, like toys, and hopefully because it was Christmas they gave out more toys than school supplies and will still have some school supplies left. And if we're really lucky they might not only have posters and paint and glue and markers and all the things kids need for a science fair, but maybe, hopefully, they'll have even more stuff, like just normal school supplies, like notebooks and pencils, because I think those families are only saying anything now because of the school fair and maybe their kids are running out of other stuff or already did run out of normal school supplies, like notebooks, good backpacks, stuff, and I don't know, like I just know that it's been months since school started and those kids needed stuff last month, and their families are trying but maybe didn't ask the organizations again for help until now, weeks after that program stopped helping and we told them about this company that now isn't helping them either, because they were embarrassed they maybe couldn't afford the school fair supplies and maybe even just normal school supplies when I know all school supplies are super expensive and they just have to let us know, and I just don't know why I get this feeling they're not telling us what they need until they really need it, until weeks after programs stop accepting applications for vouchers or until school fairs come up."

I exhale, not knowing why I'm thinking this, shake my head, open that sent email, and say, "See, that's what I," and feel those arms around me and that face in my neck.

I exhale, feeling my small smile, and hear him say, "The three men that were arrested when they were walking home from a bar because they looked suspicious but really because one was a dark skinned Latino and the other two were black, the police found a controlled substance on one, weed on the other two, and instead of offering them a program or rehab they were given mandatory sentences, and now they aren't being released from jail for nine and a half months, what you said would be two full school semesters for those children. And you're helping, more than we would've without you and Ming being involved, because as much as I do not want to admit it, how those children are affected was not our focus, but rather the legal aspect, how to stop and fight the systematic killing and imprisoning of brothers. But you, you're helping, possibly so in the near future brothers of all shades don't find the need to have weed on them, carry substances to sale or use, because they'll be in a university, focused on making our community better than it is even right now, and it'll be because they possibly, maybe, had school supplies to get through middle school even when their brothers and fathers were in jail. And you're helping and I don't need to see the email you sent because I trust you. Now, we've been at this for several hours and I want to watch anything pointless, possibly not educational, and whatever it is that Jazmine head wants."

I exhale, feeling my heart skip or melt at the same time, knowing he just said I'm helping, not caring how as long as I'm helping, turn to him, kiss the side of his head, and say, "Thank you and I wanna watch The Addams Family but first I wanna know what tea that is and why it taste so soothing, like calm."

I feel that kiss on my neck, exhale happiness I think, and hear that monotone voice say, "It's nighttime tea, which is why it's possibly soothing, seeing as we're going to sleep soon, and it's one of my favorites, if I had favorites, Jazmine tea."

I feel my face get so red. Did Huey just say Jazmine tea is one of his favorites?

I exhale, trying to focus to make the redness go away after he said that because it's really romantic. Focus Jazmine. What are we talking about? Oh yeah, going to sleep. I inhale and say, "But Huey, I mean yesterday we were kissing and I felt you and then we came home, did homework, gave you that massage and then you fell asleep and I went home to spend time with my mom and sister, so we haven't you know, done anything, so why do you wanna go to sleep so soon?"

Oh Black Jesus, did I just ask that? Is he going to think I like having sex that much? I mean I do, it's great, amazing, weird, warm, everything, filling, just too much to even describe but I really, really like that after we have sex we cuddle so much, like he wants to cuddle, maybe, a lot. And I remember he was really hard yesterday when we were kissing at the shelter and we haven't done anything since then.

And I feel that exhale from him over my shoulder and hear him say, "Because we have all of next week, as hard as I still might be even tonight I would prefer to do what you call 'cuddle' on the first night of this too short of a vacation, the first of this kind where we're together, and we can make love in the morning."

I blink. Did Huey just say that? Did he just say we can make love? I exhale, feeling that squeeze from him. Yeah, he said it. He did. Breathe Jazmine. I inhale, remembering how to breathe because Huey just said that, feeling my eyes get watery, and say, "Okay bestie."

* * *

And then we watched The Addams Family. And then we cuddled and went to sleep. And in the morning we had sex, I mean, we made love.

And I'm not really sure why no one knocked on the door, asking for tea or anything, just left us alone, but maybe because it was the first morning of our vacation where my sister and me were sleeping over. And when Huey and I were done, making love, I tried to get out of bed to get ready for the day and he grabbed my hip and pulled me back in bed, saying he wanted to sleep in for another hour. And we did. And then I woke up to him tickling me. When did he get like this? So affectionate. I shake my head. And then we got up, ate, went outside to hang out with my sister and Riley who were playing basketball in front of the garage, and called everyone to come over.

I exhale, hoping I make him at least a little happy, like how he makes me, with everything he does now, how affectionate he really is, how he's been more than trying for a long time now, even if no one ever sees it, just the cute things he does, and they never see how he really kisses me, how he really hugs me when we're alone, like I'm special to him. I'm so happy.

And I see that soft afro move sideways a little with that car and hear her say something.

I look over at those black eyes, those fluffy cheeks, framed by those dark brown, almost red layers, feeling my smile, and start laughing with her.

I see her exhale, feel her lay back down on the couch next to me feeling her put her head back on my shoulder, and hear her say, "You all really changed them and it's been less than a year that you all started dating I think. I wonder how much more happier they'll be in another year, or after high school, or even later, in life."

I exhale, feeling my cheeks getting warm, seeing him getting to that garage, and say, "Life? Do you mean like when we're older, like in college?"

I hear her giggle and hear her say, "No Jazzy, I mean even after that, after college, with houses and babies and jobs and careers, life."

And I see him punch that guy that was trying to take his car, trying to not think about what she said too much or I might get redder, and say, "I don't know Hiroki but maybe we need to get through high school without beating up anyone else first."

And I hear her start laughing, laughing with her, closing my eyes, so happy, so, so happy for so many reasons, and hear those steps.

I look up, see them walking back with those boxes to the kitchen, and hear my sister say, "Jazzy boo the Ronnie man said what up homie."

I start laughing, remembering I asked them to tell him I said hi, hearing us all laughing, and hear, "What the fuck grouchy ass! You cannot be damn good at this game to! You know what! Give me that! Gotta show you'll how to get these missions done and get 'way from those motherfuckers the right way!"

I exhale, hearing the laughing, that cursing that Ed can do really well, and hear Hiroko say, "You go baby."

Oh Black Jesus. And now we're all laughing, I think Riley on the floor, hearing the cursing from Ed because he got hit by a car I think when Hiroko said that right now. Oh my god.

And I see the pizza on that plate, look up, see that pretty smile only she has, smile at my sweet sister, and grab it from her, thanking her.

I grab napkins from the coffee table, start dabbing the pizza, and get up.

I walk over to him, sitting on the floor, sit down next to him, and hand him the pizza on the plate, taking one for me.

I take a bite of that really good cheese pizza I don't think I can make a better version of, even if I haven't really had the chance to try, because it taste so good with our friends and family here.

And I feel that kiss on my cheek, hearing the snickering from our friends, and hear that voice say, "When you'll going to get me a girl? Shit, I get lonely to sometimes, just once in a while, you know, ain't nothing serious, just sometimes."

Oh my god. I put that pizza down on Huey's plate, get up, and run over to him.

I hug him, feeling us all hugging him with my little sister under me and Ming and Lauren over me, all hugging him, telling him we'll get him someone soon we just gotta find someone that's perfect for him like Hiroki is perfect for Ed and then he'll be really happy to and until then we'll keep smothering him with hugs.

I hear the laughing from our friends, I think some of the guys groaning and the other ones, Riley and Hiro, laughing at us, and hear Rummy say, "Damn I need a girl."

And I can't help putting my head down, over my sister's head, laughing, and kiss that soft head.

And I hear Rummy say, "Also like them with a little color, if you'll must know."

I exhale, hearing the laughing, let go, walking back, and hear my sister say, "Don't be acting like you care what color they be Rummys, you just want a girl that ain't scared to tell you to shut the fuck up, maybe slap you some."

Oh my god. I can't. I can't. I grab the coffee table, laughing so hard, hearing Riley's laughing, and feel that large hand grab my other hand. I feel that pull, letting go of the table, feel the pull again, harder this time, and inhale, feeling myself slip on my socks on the carpeted floor, turn, remembering all that training, feeling my hip move on it's on, and land on the cushion of my butt.

And now I'm sitting on Huey's lap. How does he do that every time so well? I mean I think last time he did it so I was sitting between his legs, before we started dating, before we got this close, before we started having sex, making love. I exhale and put my face in that neck, smelling him, feeling him put those arms around my waist, and hear Rummy say, "Damn you know me Cin."

Oh Black Jesus, we are not going to stop laughing tonight, hearing them laughing. And I kiss that neck, hearing that rumbling in his chest, that rumbling that's the best rumbling in the entire world.

And I hear Rummy continue, "Fuck, even Huey's laughing at my damn expense, who we all knew been into Jazzy for damn near six years since they were ten or however you'll were when you moved here."

What?

I hear that annoyed exhale from him and hear the laughing, remembering he's better but still doesn't like people laughing at him. I move my face from his neck, look over at Rummy, and say, "Rummy, you're only making it so I'm gonna have to make him happy again and that's gonna take time away from looking for the perfect girl for you."

I hear the snickers, feeling those arms squeeze me, see Rummy smirk, and he says, "Alright Jazzy I'll stop but I want one with what Cin said and I want her to be smart to. I ain't having another one that can't understand what I'm saying, finding out she's only with me because of my businesses and other damn affairs. Just get me one that's smart like you'll and can handle the way I speak and maybe, I don't know, likes to take long strolls down the beach after robbing minimarts or banks or whatever the fuck she's into."

And I hear our friends all say how sweet he is even if that is kind of violent, my friends who I think would all think that's romantic anyways, and hear that voice whisper into my ear, "Stay tonight."

I inhale, feeling my cheeks getting red because he's asking right now instead of waiting for our friends to leave first. I exhale, trying to remember to not kiss him right now, and say, "I'll ask my mom." Even though I know she's going to say yes because it's our Spring Break, she kind of told us we can spend every other night here or at our friends' houses, and it's you Huey and she adores you.

And I feel that kiss on my cheek, trying to figure why he's being like this right now in front of our friends, even if I like it a lot, but maybe, maybe he's being like this because he's really happy right now. I hope so.

And I hear a voice say, "Fuck that! Game's cheating! Where's my damn glock!"

Oh Black Jesus.

And I hear another voice say, "Baby remember when we talked about shooting things?"

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over at Ed, see him exhale looking over at Hiroko, smirking at her, and he says, "Only when we have back up targets to shoot 'em all."

Oh Black Jesus I can't. I start laughing, hearing everyone laughing, feeling him move under me, and inhale, feeling it. Did it just move? Did it just move? And how? I'm not doing anything to him, just sitting on his lap.

And I hear Riley's voice say, "McHater you next."

I hear that exhale, look over at those dark burgundies, look down at those soft lips, and see him mouth, 'I'm fine, but maybe no sitting on my lap rest of night.'

I exhale, feeling my smile and my cheeks getting red, nod, and mouth, 'Okay, I'll go to the couch. Have fun.'

I see that smirk and he mouths, 'Remember call your mother.'

I roll my eyes, nod, kiss that cute nose, hearing him exhale, and stand up.

I walk over to where the two couches meet, where they are, sit down on the floor next to Lauren's legs, and putt my head on her knee. I close my eyes, hearing them talking, and hear that sweet deep voice say, "Baby?"

I start laughing, hearing us all laughing, open my eyes, see Hiroko's pretty smile, just noticing right now how cute her smile is maybe because of her heart shaped lips, and she says, "Yeah. In one of those calls he made where he was going to do something bad at one of those meetings, you know, thinking about going back to his car to get his guns since he doesn't carry them with him when he goes anymore because he's trying to be better, he was telling me how someone was talking to him about me and."

I see her stop, see her blush, hearing us all giggle, and she says, "He said um, whoever he was talking to was telling him I was really pretty and Edward told them I was you know, more than pretty, and I was also smart and that person I guess said that was fine but what mattered is that Edward could take me to events, functions, places and being smart was good as long as I was a."

I see her stop, see her forehead scrunch, and she says, "As long as I was an exemplary partner and it was even good that I'm younger than Edward and that's when I think Edward got really mad and told that person to not talk about me like that, like I'm a."

I see her exhale, see her look over at Ed, and she says, "Um, like I'm a chicken head."

I feel my mouth open and hear the laughing, knowing I've heard that in music videos and on BET but I don't think I've ever heard a person say in front of me. I see Hiroko look back at us with her smirk and she says, "I mean I know what that means I just haven't heard it since I stopped going to my first middle school so it was just a little funny to hear it again, but anyways, after Edward said that Rummy pulled him away, thankfully before he did anything, and then he called me, and I."

I see her smile with her blush, knowing for sure why Edward hasn't stopped looking at her even if they spent an hour driving from her school yesterday and all day together today, and she says, "I told him he's been doing really good not blowing up on anyone for three entire months and to not worry about what he told that person and just go back in there to that meeting and act like everything's okay because he's Ed Wuncler the third and he can handle anything, even people telling him his girlfriend doesn't have to be smart, and I know this because he's my baby."

I exhale, happy, seeing my little sister putting her head on Hiroko's shoulder, I think happy she makes Ed happy. I see Hiroko smile at my little sister's head and she says, "And talking about threatening people, how's everything been here? I know we only text every week or two and I know you all only do that because you think I'm busy with school, which I kind of am, but I still want to know how things are going for you. So tell me, what's happening? Anything new?"

I look over at the guys, see them all looking at the game, I think at Huey doing that next mission, and look back down at my hands on my lap, not sure how to start or what to say, just so much.

Then I hear Hiroko say, "Okay, first let's start with what happened after the guys all went to threaten those people that tried doing that to you at that football game and we'll go from there. And my little sister did tell me about that girl seeing a therapist but I don't know a lot of the other stuff, just that there was another fight and now that girl is talking to someone. So what's happened since?"

I exhale and hear that sweet deep voice say, "'Kay, wells after that game some fuckers did come back, 'least to show up to practice cuz they 'on't wanna get kicked off the football team, heard some of the other fuckers still getting classwork sent home cuz their family too scared to let 'em come back, I 'on't know, maybe still waiting to see what our mama's gonna do to that hoe's family, and that crazy hoe still crazy, even if she seeing a therapist, and then there's that fucker my sister be giving too many chances to change that just keeps getting fucken worse."

And I hear someone cursing, I think Riley at Huey for not getting something, and I exhale, happy they're paying attention to the game.

I look up at Hiroko, see her nod at my sister, and she says, "Okay, let's definitely talk about that girl that's the reason for what happened at that game. Tell me again how long she's been seeing that therapist? Is it helping her? And then tell me who's back at your school out of the people the guys threatened after that game, and then I want to know how that guy I just cannot believe now also works with Huey and Riley got worse."

I exhale, hearing Riley cursing at Huey again, I think because he didn't get another item, and hear Ming say, "Okay, maybe let's make this part quick cuz I think the guys are listening even if they're not trying to listen to the convo."

I hear Lauren say, "Okay, I'll try to go fast, so sis remember how I texted you that week when she started seeing a therapist and she started being a sata again with…"

And I hear Riley say 'that's fucken better McHater, betting on this,' feeling myself breathe.

* * *

I see that dark pretty eyebrow rise and she says, "Okay, so two of those guys came back, hopefully both that will never talk to you again, one I'm happy you only ever have to see at games or if you bump into him in school, the other one I'm also happy is only in one class with my little sister who's very protected there by my little brother even if I know she can use knives really well, the guys are all still walking you to class and I believe there's nothing wrong with being safe even if we know how to defend ourselves, and."

I see Hiroko stop, see her look down at her cup, just looking at it, and I look down at her cup.

I get up, hearing them asking me where I'm going, and say, "Hiroki's done with her tea. I'll make more for everyone, even if you all still wanna drink other stuff, just keep talking."

I get to the stove, grab the teakettle, move it over to the sink, turn the faucet on, filling it up with water, and feel those hands on my hips.

I exhale, move my head back into that strong chest, and say, "Bestie, do you want tea to?"

I feel that kiss on my neck, knowing my cheeks are so red now, and hear him say, "I'll make the tea, go hang out."

I exhale and say, "Why don't you hang out with everyone since," and feel that hard squeeze, inhale, and hear him say, "Jazmine, I see them every damn day whereas you all do not see her as much. Go."

I nod, feeling my small smile, turn off the faucet, lean over putting the teakettle on the stove, turn around, and look up.

I see that chest, that neck, go up, and kiss the chin, hearing him say, "I want more later. Go."

I giggle, move around him, walking back, seeing the guys turning on the Nintendo, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing Hiro giving Riley a twenty dollar bill with Riley's big smirk. I giggle. Their bets.

I sit back down on the floor, next to her legs again, put my head on her knee, closing my eyes, and say, "Keep talking like I never left."

I hear their cute laughing and hear Hiroko say, "Well the only thing I did say is that I don't think it's true."

I feel my eyes open, see her small smile looking down at her cup, and she says quieter, "When I started seeing Kathy I remember her telling me what we were going to do is start a relationship, one that was going to need a lot of things, like work and trust, and it was going to take work and time, work on my end and time for me to trust her, and it did. I remember it took months, I don't remember how many, just months, months of me going to see her, not missing my appointments, not only because my parents, my brother, my uncles as bad as they were, were all paying for her but because that was the only way I could learn to trust her, by showing up every time, not missing any appointment, talking to her a lot, so maybe one day I would not only talk to her about what happened that day, the rape, but maybe one day, after a lot of appointments, learning to trust her, I would talk to her about other things, like how I was cutting myself."

I inhale, see my little sister put her arm over Hiroko's shoulders, see a hand, I think Ming's, touch Hiroko's knee, and feel that hand going through my hair, Lauren's hand, Lauren who I know talks to Hiroko more than we all do, and see Hiroko smile at her cup.

I see Hiroko exhale with that small smile and she says, "That's the one thing I don't talk about a lot. It's easy now to talk about the rape, what happened that day, maybe because it happened so long ago, but what happened after, after that day, that's a little harder to talk about still. Because after that day I changed, I got angry, depressed, and wanted to cut that girl every time I looked in the mirror because I was not going to get to wait until I got married to have sex for the first time, even if I never wanted that I couldn't do it now, and because of that I would tell myself the most horrible things when I would look in the mirror. And then, if I was having those thoughts and they wouldn't stop, not even going away when I would look away from the mirror, and everyone in the house was still asleep and I knew no one would know, I would do it, hurt myself in places people would never check, because at least it would make those thoughts stop. And then, after months, months of getting to know Kathy, knowing I could trust her, one day, I woke up, knew everyone was asleep, looked at that girl in the mirror, started having those really bad, horrible thoughts again, and heard her voice, Kathy's voice, her voice that was louder than those thoughts, all of them, telling me how good I was, how just like her I was stronger than one bad person, ten bad things, and she looked happy and was nice and smart and had been through that to and I wanted to be like her one day, and she wouldn't like it if she knew that I was doing that to myself, hurting myself like that. So, I didn't do it, I didn't cut myself that day, the first time I didn't even if I wanted to make those thoughts stop. Instead, I put my clothes on, brushed my teeth, and I called Kathy. I didn't remember if we had an appointment that day, but I knew if I left her a message she would call me back to the main office at school right before lunch so we could talk. And when she called that day I told her I wanted to see her. I don't remember her saying anything about me having an appointment, even though I knew her schedule was always full and that's also why I always had to keep my appointments with her, but I do remember she said to call my parents and tell them I was going to have the driver take me to her office after school. And I did that. And when I showed up to that appointment, I told her how I would do that sometimes, all the time, when those thoughts would come, that's how I made those horrible thoughts, the really bad ones, stop, and that morning I hadn't done it, and she held me while I cried, hearing her say I wasn't those bad horrible ugly thoughts, I wasn't that ugly girl, and I wasn't what I was doing to myself, I wasn't those scars, I wasn't, and from now on because I trusted her so much to tell her she would trust me that whenever I had any of those thoughts I would call her personal cell phone, anytime, any day, and tell her, and now, after all these years with her, Kathy and I laugh when we talk about how my brother started teaching me how to use knives the right way after that, but."

I hear her exhale behind the blurriness and hear her say, "All of that took time, changing my behavior, how I would react to those thoughts took time, listening to her, trusting her, all took time, and I want to say I'm happy that girl is seeing a therapist but I just don't see how that therapist made her change her ways so fast, going from harassing you all like she was, being the reason you all almost got raped because that's what would've happened if those guys would've taken you, to now being with that guy that's bothering Jazzy so much again. I just don't see how her change could've happened so fast, in just weeks. I mean even when my little sister was telling me I only knew if she was seeing a therapist that therapist would probably try to stop her from doing the more harmful thing, but it just seems too fast, too little time. I don't know, I do hope it's true, but as your friend and someone that cares about you all I want you all to still be careful with her."

And I move in, hugging her, feeling us all hugging her, not caring about anything but her being here, hearing her laugh, and hear her say, "I promise I'm okay now. It took time but I'm okay and now you all know about that part of me, something only family and some friends know, and now you all know because I trust you and I love you to."

I put my face in those jeans, inhale, noticing I think for the first time how Hiroko always wears jeans, black tights, things to hide her legs, and I hug her legs, wanting those scars, if they're there, to go away one day because she doesn't deserve to have any scars on her.

I feel that scratch on my head from my sister I think and hear Hiroko say, "So again, just be careful with that girl because I just don't trust a change with her happened that fast and Jazzy that guy, just."

I inhale, look up, see her looking at me I think with a worried look and she says, "Just know he sounds unstable for so many reasons but I also think, just thinking about the things he's said to you, when he's said them, and the things he's done in the last few weeks, that at least from what I hear, his actions kind of happen when he's triggered, so that means you should just always be aware when he's around."

I feel my eyebrow rise, sniffle, and say, "Hiroki?"

I see her exhale, still looking worried, and she says, "It sounds like every time he's said anything or done anything to put you in danger it's had to do with him being triggered, maybe where he doesn't think, so much he almost hurt you this week."

What?

I ask, "What do you mean triggered?"

And I hear that voice I love say, "She means sis when that fucker, cuz that what he is at this point, when he gets all crazy he maybe don't think straight, so just be careful, specially when he maybe gets jealous."

I exhale and say, "I already told him I'm gonna keep kissing my boyfriend and he can't stop me."

And I hear Ming's voice say, "And that shit ended in him almost punching you in the face last day of school Jazzy."

I exhale and hear that voice say, "It's fine, I'll just kill him."

I feel my eyes open, see Hiroko smirk grabbing that cup from that mocha colored hand, and I turn around.

I see him walking back to the kitchen and say, "Huey, you're not gonna kill anyone."

And I hear another voice say, "Gots to be someone to be anyone and that fucker ain't no one."

I look over at Riley, feeling my eyes get big, see him holding that controller looking at the game, and say, "Riley I just don't want anyone getting in trouble or killing someone."

And I hear another voice say, "Found the cliff brother so you'll won't get caught."

What?

And I hear another voice say, "I can make wolves happen, just gotta make some calls to some gangs I knows 'round here."

What? No.

I look around, hearing them all talking about where to hide the body, and say, "Guys no, we are not killing anyone."

And I feel that hand over my hand, look over at those deep ocean blue eyes, see that cute evil smirk, and she says, "Jazzy boo you knows we just kidding, just gots to be prepared and shit, specially if he gets locked up by accident in some trunk and gets dumped down some cliff where the homie's wolves take care of ass, and you know us sissy, we just playing right now, kinda."

And I hear the laughing.

I exhale, put my face down on Hiroko's knee, and hear that voice say, "I think I could probably call Kathy to ask her if people can be made crazy enough to do that and it be seen as what normal people would've done anyways."

Oh my god. I shake my head over that knee, feel that kiss on my head from my sister, those soft scratches on my head from our friends, and feel my smile at their silliness. I mean they're not serious.

Right?

* * *

I ask, "Um you're not serious right bestie? Like none of you are, right?"

I follow those shoulders into his room, walking in behind him, turn around closing the door behind me, and say, "Huey, answer me."

I turn around and feel those lips kiss me. I close my eyes, putting my hands on those shoulders, squeezing them just a little, feeling those kisses around my lips, and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. Of course we are."

What? I open my eyes and feel him kiss my lips again, harder this time, feeling him push his tongue into my mouth, and I open my mouth, welcoming him. I taste the tongue, hearing him groan, feeling those hands on my hips, and feel how hard he is already over my stomach. And I remember we just walked into his room, my mom said of course my sister and me can sleep over again and pop's is sleeping over at our house and wants to hang out with us tomorrow, and Huey and me can talk about us and our friends not beating up anybody later.

So I put hands around those shoulders, pushing him back, and jump.

And I hear that loud groan I think from me putting my legs around those hips, feeling on that cock between my legs, not really remembering what we were talking about right now, why I was worried, ever, and feel us moving.

I kiss him harder, feeling that cock, how wet I am already, not sure about anything else, and hear him say he wants me to take off my clothes.

Moving, walking I think, and then I feel that bed. I open my eyes, see those eyes looking down at me, that burgundy or maybe that dark purple, hoping I get to see that auburn tonight, knowing how I can get to see it, and say, "I want my Nubian king naked and I want to taste you, all the way back, first, and then I'll take off my clothes."

I feel it move over my stomach with his exhale and he says, "Fine. That'll give me a chance to turn off the lights and you can turn on that speaker connected to that music app I kept on my phone for multiple reasons since we haven't done that in some time and I know you like seeing those possibly not-so-pointless stars while we," and I finish, "Make love."

I see him nod with no smirk, just a nod, inhale, kiss him, and say over those soft lips, "Okay bestie."

* * *

I lean on the railing, the railing I'm sure hasn't been cleaned in months if not years, has had hundreds of hands touch it in the last week, and exhale, leaning on it, looking at them.

I hear him say, "Fuck I'm hungry."

I hear that punch probably to his shoulder, hearing my brother curse, and hear Hiro say, "The fuck Riley, just ate, you always hungry man, just like Ed, no wonder you two scare places when we eat out. Fuck man."

I shake my head, hearing their cackling, knowing simply because he exercises some doesn't mean he's healthy based on the food he generally eats, even if that Jazmine head thinks he eats well enough. That Jazmine head in that cup.

And I hear my brother say, "Shit, long as I can still ball, I eat some'ng a'ight once in a while, I can eat whatever the fuck I want, eat fifty of them pork burgers they got here long as I can shoot them three poin'ers."

I inhale, feeling that reflex coming up, possibly from the talking, the food, the people, that cup going around in those circles, or possibly the experience of it all. The damn fair business.

And I hear Caesar say, "Well after this I want more of those Twinkies man. Fuck they're good."

I roll my eyes, trying to push down that reflex, knowing it's possibly only because of the damn food. That damn deep fried food that makes no sense even if they're deep friend vegetables considering they'll only lead to heart problems in about twenty to thirty years, when we're in our prime forties. Idiot trusted friends that possibly do not see pass their teenage years.

I hear the cackling and hear Hiro say, "Talkin' 'bout them Twinkies, you'll seen where the fuck them two went?"

I feel my smirk seeing the laughing they're doing with those two, how much possible 'Jazmine fun' they're having, and hear my brother say, "They went to those stands over there but ain't back yet, maybe took off with," and I hear, "A'ight, got 'em, got 'nough for Rummy and me, and you'll can eat them twenty in that box."

I exhale, putting my head down, and hear Caesar say, "Damn, now I know what I been missing my whole life, these good ass twinkies but I still think them frog legs come close."

And I feel that reflex again. Shit. I open the bottle of water, take the drink of water, hearing them open that box, and hear Rummy say, "You'll sure you wanna start without your girls cuz I seen how they got earlier and I'd like to avoid another war 'bout how you'll don't eat right?"

I look up at them, see those circles slowing down, feeling my smirk, remembering that heavy head leaning on me, hearing her sister and Ming chastising my brother and Caesar for not limiting themselves on that grease when they're not around. That heavy head on my shoulder that was too quiet, possibly because she didn't feel the need to chastise me, even if I possibly, maybe, remotely, wanted her to.

And I hear my brother being a dumbass as usual when he is trying to show off and hear him say, "Whatever's man, I eat whatever the fuck I want, C-Murph ain't gonna tell my ass what I can't eat, shit," and I hear Ed cut off his ranting with, "Fuck you Riley cuz we all know C-Murder looks at you and you shut the fuck up."

And I hear the cackling, hearing that cursing that's possibly worse with those two here, and hear the various steps. I look around those people, see those buns first, look down to make sure where they all are, and see her holding her hand with her sister carrying her younger sister, all of them laughing at that fun they had where they possibly feel nauseous and can't feel it yet because of the endorphins still circulating from those spins. And I see her bend down to grab her and stand up, carrying her, feeling that damn warmth again.

She's sleeping over tonight.

I see her smile getting to us and see her mouth, 'You guys had fun waiting for us?'

I roll my eyes at her assuming we had fun at all, see her get to us, and say, "Watching you all possibly become sick was not fun Jazmine."

I see that smile, feeling my exhale, and see her mouth, 'Yes it was,' and hear that voice say, "Auntie Jazzy I'm thirsty."

I see those hips move over, hearing them all talking, following them, get to the exit of that ride, lean down, and lift her out of her arms.

I feel her hug my neck, hear her say she had fun, feeling her weight, and say, "Tamera you're tired. After getting you something to drink we're going to call your father and mother to pick you up."

I feel her move, not protesting, and hear Tamera say, "Kay uncle."

I start walking out, moving around those kids, seeing them possibly eyeing the girls, feeling that hand on my back, that touching she likes to do to me, the one she knows helps, and hear her give Tamera a kiss possibly on her head, hearing her tell Tamera to close her eyes and go to sleep because her uncle's carrying her, feeling that warmth.

And I hear them all talking, my brother not cursing, all of them not cursing as they've tried not to when we're walking from place to place, stand to stand, ride to ride because they know to try to not curse with the girls, children, here, and hear Tia say, "Uncle Riley, want chocolate."

I feel my eyebrow rise, look over, and feel my other eyebrow rise seeing my brother carrying another child, knowing Cindy was carrying her when they got off that last ride. And I look forward, knowing he's possibly more mature today, with Tia over his shoulder, after hours of both Tamera and Tia being at those stands, showings, rides with the girls, some with us, and hear my brother say, "Laters, but gotta go sleep first, a'ight."

And I hear Tia say, possibly in her sleep, "A'ight uncle."

And I hear the laughing, exhale, knowing with all the noise around us our friends laughing won't disturb them any more than anything else will, and hear Caesar say, "Man, I wanna be an uncle."

I exhale annoyance, knowing this is not something you necessary get to choose, hearing them laughing, and hear Ming say, "Aww baby, you will be. 'Member we already talked 'bout it and Jazzy and her afro and Cin bear and her Riles AKA all them names gonna make that happen, just give it like I 'on't know, maybe like ten years, and then you'll be a hell of a damn uncle, starting with teaching them how to do dreads the right way, just watch."

I exhale and say it, "They're not having dreads."

And I inhale, hearing them laughing, knowing my brother said the same damn thing I did at the same time, and feel the kiss on my shoulder, hearing her whisper, "Don't worry bestie, afros for all of them."

I exhale, knowing we're too damn young to be talking about these things, regardless of what I just admitted to, but the fact that they're all still together, even if it's high school, the idiots and imbeciles at school have continued to tests us all, we've all had some revelations regarding setbacks we had in previous relationships and with family and still they, we, are all still together, and I know my friends, have known them for years, know they might act like idiots sometimes but they're loyal and generally the most apt people I know, and it's possible with their maturity, possibly along with my own, we can talk about these things. And I hear that voice telling Tamera we'll all hang out again later and built a better fort with help from her uncles.

I exhale. Yeah, we can talk about these things.

* * *

I see her putting another one in her mouth and I move up and grab her wrist.

I see those blue eyes look at me, see her exhale with pursed lips, and she says, "Sis."

I exhale and say, "Sissy, that's gonna be the third one in the last half hour and you said after the last ten you weren't gonna eat anymore."

I see her roll her eyes and she says, "Sis come on, just one more, pretty, pretty, damn please, you be everything."

And I exhale because she's doing it again, like she did when she wanted to get on that ride that spun us around and stuck us to the walls, the one I knew I was gonna get a little sick on, but I had promised her I would go on it after they picked up Tamera and Tia, and I did.

But she's doing it again. She's pouting. And when did my little C-Murder-sister start pouting?

And I hear the laughing, seeing her make those big blue eyes bigger, see her eyes get a little watery, and I exhale, putting my head down, and letting go of her wrist, hearing the laughing from our friends.

I feel her kiss my head and hear her say, "I love you sissy and promise, last one."

I exhale, nod, and know I just want her to not eat so many because I think Huey said those deep fried Twinkies are not only really bad, where we can die from so much grease they have, but they also can lead to heart problems later and I don't want my sister or my friends having heart problems, and I feel her hug me.

I exhale putting my head on that shoulder, feeling that hug from my side, and hear her say, "Don't worry Jazzy, I've been watching and I did see she's been drinking a lot of water with those, so just try to enjoy having her because even though I love my little brother having a little sister is something amazing and we gotta enjoy it okay?"

I exhale, nod, feel the bench move, and hear a voice say, "Think I'ma throw up."

I feel my eyes open, look around her, see Ed sitting down next to her putting his face on the table, and hear Hiroko say, "Baby are you okay?"

I hear the steps from the other guys and hear the exhales. We told him to wait but he just wanted to go with the guys to that really scary ride, the one that I'm not getting on because it's way too high and I'm okay with having a tiny, very tiny, fear of heights today.

And I hear that laughing, look up, see Riley holding onto his stomach laughing, and hear Hiro say, "Tol' you Ed to just wait man, now my sister gonna be mad thinking I forced your ass to get on that ride."

And I hear another voice say, "And that's why I sat here and waited cuz I knew what was waiting for you'll but damn kids never listen."

I see Ed lift his head, looking at Rummy on the other side of the table, see those lowered eyebrows, and hear Ed say, "I ain't no damn kid Rummy."

And I hear Rummy say, "No see, you act like a kid, getting on those rides that ain't even secure to the damn ground, knowing these places just wanting to kill you with that damn food they give, other than the Twinkies cuz that shits fine if you eat only a few, but you getting on those rides that don't even have seatbelts, slamming you from side to side, after eating those Twinkies, and you ain't that young Ed, shit, getting to your thirties soon and you still do dumb shit like that, damn, most mature thing you did so far was talk to Hiroko and that only happen cuz Sarah gave you an opening. Now, when I meet a girl I don't need no opening, I just walk up to them, tell 'em how it is, and that's it, cuz that's how damn people our age do that shit, and look at me, successful, businesses running high, secure, and," and I hear Ed cut him off saying, "Lonely as a motherfucker."

I hear that exhale, look over at Rummy, see him roll his eyes, looking away, and hear him say, "Shit, ain't nothing serious, just sometimes."

Oh my god. Rummy. I stand up, stepping over the bench, run around Hiroko, Ed, the guys, and hug Rummy, feeling those arms going over me, feeling us all hugging him, and tell him we're working on it but getting him the perfect girl takes time, hearing Lauren say we'll make sure she has color if we can, Ming say we'll make sure that she likes walking down beaches after robbing banks, Hiroko say we'll make sure she's really smart, and hearing my sister say we'll make sure she slaps him when she needs him to stop talking.

And we all start laughing, feeling him exhale I think, and hear him say, a little quieter, "Then hurry it up."

Oh my god. Rummy. I exhale, letting go, see him smirk looking at the table, and hear him say, "I don't know, how 'bout, maybe I get on that ride, see what it's all about?"

I feel my eyebrow rise and hear Ed say, "Next time Rummy, 'least for me, cuz I ain't getting on that ride for a damn minute, maybe in a year, only doing the fucken kid rides now, like maybe those rides you'll took 'little T' and 'other little T' on."

I start laughing, remembering Ed naming Tamera and Tia those names and how cute it was that they remembered who was 'little T' and who was 'other little T.' And hearing them laughing, I walk around the guys, back to my seat on the bench next to my sister and Hiroko, and feel those hands on my hips, pulling me into him.

I inhale, feeling my smile, grab those hands, bringing them up and around my shoulders so I can get some of his warmth even if I'm not really cold, and hear Lauren say, "But aren't most of the little kid rides closed now and only the big rides are open?"

I exhale, not really wanting to do anymore big rides because even I felt a little sick on the last ride Tamera and Tia wanted to get on, the teacup ride where we could spin around even more turning the wheel inside the teacup, seeing them having so much fun my sister and me kept spinning the wheel, hearing our friends laughing in the teacup across from us.

And I hear that sweet deep voice say, "Yeah and the ham races my sis likes closed to so can't do that."

I exhale and say, "They're piggy races sis, not ham races, and they're my favorite part of the fair now."

I hear the laughing, laughing with them, feeling my cheeks get a little red because it's true, and hear Ming say, "And 'least for me, part I liked the most, was the arts and craft where they were telling stories with those little houses and streets those kids made, all the cool ass prizes they got for being the best of the best, that shit's closed to."

I exhale, knowing I liked that part to, and hear my sister say, "Yeah, and even though if I know this shit's been said outside this group I'ma kill someone, I liked the place next to what Mimi's liked, you know where they had the sewing part, where they had blankets, baskets, all this shit sewed together that could tell a story to 'bout the people that made that shit, little kids that made that shit with no help, just themselves, that was just cool as fuck."

I feel my smile remembering her staying there in the section of that building longer and Riley hugging her, hearing them talking quietly, walking away to give them privacy, and hear Hiroko say, "Yeah, I think I liked that part to but I guess maybe because I was looking forward to it I liked the garden part the most where we got to see those vegetables that were either the biggest or healthiest or prettiest ones, even if I kept thinking about cutting a few off and taking them over to the petting zoo."

I start laughing, so hard, turning my face into that chest, hearing them laughing probably remembering Ed taking Hiroko away from those prizewinning vegetables I think when I would see something shiny coming out of her hand, laughing into the chest, hearing the rumbling of that chest, so happy, and hear Lauren say, "I kept telling you sis that I'm really fast, you could just cut those vegetables, put them in my purse, and I'd run them to Jazzy, who we all knew was still probably petting the sheep and running after the chickens with Tam Tam and TT."

I hear the laughing, moving my face over that chest, feeling those arms hugging me, hearing that laughing he does from the deep rumbling, that laugh I love, that laugh, feeling my eyes getting watery because he's laughing like that. And I don't want to but I can feel my chest filling up, like it does when I want to cry, like when the avalanche is going to happen, but not because I'm sad but because I'm so happy that we're all here, that we spent our day with pop's and Caesar and Hiro at the store all day on Monday, forcing pop's to let my sister and me help at least putting records in the right section, hearing that music in the store, looking over at pop's, seeing him putting that cover next to the record player so customers could know what record was playing, and feeling my big smile, my eyes getting a little watery seeing the cover of that record, the singer I had asked him about when we got there, asking him if we could listen to just one of her songs. Billie Holiday. Hearing the first song and then the next one, and then hearing that song, blinking, listening to it, the words. _Strange Fruit_. I exhale. That song. Then Ming and Lauren came over and we all went out to eat with pop's. Then, after they closed the store, we all went home, I sent that email to Ericka with the information on that company, how to call, email, and find them, everything Ming got when she called them that morning, and we knew, we knew we still needed to help more but at least that was done. And the next day we went to the mall with mom who didn't work that day because she said she wanted to spend time with my sister and me, how much I loved being with them, hearing them laughing, hearing them talking, taking pictures of them when they weren't looking, then we got home. And when we got home we got that call from Monica asking if we could take Tamera and Tia to the fair today because they wanted to see the piggy race and she knew we were coming. And then we woke up today, got ready, met Hiroko, pop's, and all the guys downstairs, waited for Ming and Lauren to get dropped off by their parents, Ed and Rummy showed up, Hiroko got in Ed's car, the rest of us got in pop's car with that very responsible soft afro driving us here, got here, and ran around for a while through the shops, got on some of the not-so-bad rides, and had lunch. Then after Monica dropped off Tamera and Tia we all started going through the buildings with the arts and crafts, the garden with the big vegetables, the petting zoo where I think Tamera and Tia had the most fun holding those baby chicks, then got on those rides that they say are for little kids but really they were a little too fast even for me. Then Tamera and Tia got tired, Frank came to come get them, looking really happy we were here, specially Huey who he told is not allowed to show up for his Spring Break at the shelter unless it's an emergency, same with Riley. Then Frank left with Tamera and Tia and my sister pulled me over to that ride that looks like an alien spaceship, all of us got in, and only us and our friends were in there because Lauren talked to the nice employee operating it and asked him in Spanish if he'd let us have just one ride for us. We all got in, it started spinning, getting up close to the wall like that nice employee said we should, hearing _Don't Stop The Music_ by Rihanna, feeling my body being pushed up against the walls, not remembering this ride before, getting stuck like that to the wall as it was spinning, and then, after not being able to move anymore, I looked up, and saw my little sister completely upside down, making me laugh so hard, and then I felt those fingers going for my waist. I started scooting away from him and he just kept getting closer and closer until I couldn't move more or I'd get on top of one our friends, and he started tickling me, there, in the spaceship, a little, enough I really liked it and got a little dizzy.

And now we're here, talking, laughing, planning even more stuff, like maybe going to the mall tomorrow for stuff Hiroko needs, and Huey and me seeing Adah and Johnny on Friday for another double date, maybe to the same bookstore we went to last time even if that lady could be there again, because I know Huey liked that bookstore and he belongs to me, that rumbling belongs to me. And I feel that rumbling in his chest, hear the guys talking about the rides they liked the most, those rides I did not get on because I don't want to be looking down when they're that high up, and hear a voice say, "How 'bout damn Ferris wheel, you'll know, where dumbasses that ain't got a place to be alone go get busy?"

I start laughing, hearing them laughing, turn around, and see Riley looking at my little sister with his smirk, making me laugh more. And I hear Hiroko say, "How about you all go and we'll stay here because I don't think Edward can handle that one right now. We'll just go on the next ride with you all."

I look over at Ed, see him exhale, looking at the table, and hear him say, "I ain't no punk but ain't nothing getting me on a ride for 'least half an hour so you'll go, and maybe I'll be good for next one."

I exhale and hear Rummy say, "Yeah you'll go, I'ma just hang out here with Ed and Hiroko, got events gotta talk 'bout anyways so go, and just meet us here when you're done, and I don't know, maybe by then Ed won't look fucken green."

I hear the exhales around the group, seeing Ed looking at the table, and hear him say for us to go and he'll be okay but for sure we're all getting on the next ride. I exhale, hoping he feels better soon, and see Riley passing him, holding my sister's hand, and see him pat Ed's back a little too hard, hearing him say we'll be back after one turn. I see them all start walking towards the Ferris wheel that's behind me, hearing them tell Ed to relax and we'll be right back, and I turn around with them.

And I look up at those eyes and see him mouth, 'You're sitting on my lap.'

I feel my cheeks getting red, not knowing why, I mean it's just the Ferris wheel, and we can do stuff at home, but I guess, maybe they're getting red because he's being romantic getting on that ride with me.

And I feel my smile, go under those arms, start walking to that ride seeing all our friends in front of us, walking to it, and feel that hand grab my hand. I put my fingers through his, happy I didn't bring a purse today, and ask him, because I want to know, "Are you having fun bestie?"

I hear that exhale, feel him grab my jeans with that hand that's holding my hand, and feel that pull towards him. I inhale, feeling him let go of my hand, feeling that heat step behind me, and feel those arms going around my chest, hugging me from behind.

I exhale, happy, and feel my eyebrow rise seeing some guys look away, not sure if they were looking at our group, and hear that monotone voice whisper into my ear, "Now I am."

I giggle at how cute he's being, see the Ferris wheel, remembering, and say, "You know bestie, this is gonna be our first time on that ride, as friends or anything, so I think I should sit on your lap, you know, to make it special."

I feel that squeeze around my chest and hear him say, "That Jazmine head. I know. But I still want more."

I inhale, not really knowing what he wants, seeing us getting to the line, hoping I'm not that red right now, and stand behind my sister and Riley in line.

I hear them talking about what they want to do after this ride and hear that sweet deep voice I love say, "Fuck."

I look over at those two braids, see her looking down at her phone, and say, "Sissy?"

I see her exhale, see her look over at me with that worried look, and she says, "Think just figured why all those fuckers that were looking on the way here are here when it's fucken Spring Break and they should be getting wasted at some party and not here."

I feel my eyebrow rise and see her hand me her phone. I grab it, look at that message from Selene, one of the new girls on the basketball team that my sister says hangs out with the popular kids I think because she has money but she's really nice, and exhale, reading it.

I hear that exhale over my head, look back at my sister, handing her phone back to her, see her smirk at me, and she says, "You knows how I feel 'bout that sis. After this, maybe one more, and we get the fuck outta here. Hung out with our friends, had fun with them two nieces we got, ate a shit load, didn't fuck up no one yet, and I don't want this happening. You, Riles, us, that's what matters, so after this let's go to 'nother ride for the Ed's, Rummy's and Hiroki, then we go, and I love you."

I exhale, knowing Black Jesus more than made up for Tom when he brought her into our lives and made us have a real family, nod, feeling my smile, and say, "Okay sis."

And I hear that voice say, "Got us up faster."

I look around my sister, see Lauren's pretty face on Ming's shoulder smirking, and hear Ming say, "Yeah, told Laurie and she talked to the guy that works this one, and now we getting on faster, so go 'round to the exit."

I start laughing, hearing us all laughing, feel that pull behind me, and then feel us walking out of the line. We walk around, pass the beginning of the line, get to the exit on the other side, and see Lauren talking to that employee, not knowing Spanish good enough to lipread it, but I see her smile at him, and see her point to Hiro next to her. I look back at that employee, see his eyebrow rise with his smirk, and then see him lift the rope letting us go through.

I giggle, hearing our friends laughing, thanking him, as he's letting them onto those cabins, closing the door behind them, not putting us in the same one, but each couple in a different cabin.

I move up, smile at him, trying to remember, and say, "Gracias."

I see him smile I think happy I'm trying.

I step onto the cabin and hear that polite and respectful voice say, "Gracias por dejarnos entrar más rápido señor."

I smile, hearing that nice employee saying you welcome and I think something about time, maybe how long the ride is, all in Spanish to Huey.

I sit down on the bench, look up to see that afro getting into the cabin, and inhale. No.

I see that afro block him, exhale, hear the door close, see that afro move, and look over at him.

I see him sit down next to me, feeling him put his arm behind my back, feeling that hand grab my hip, and move up and kiss those soft lips.

I feel that jerky feeling of the Ferris wheel, feeling us moving, and put my hands inside that jacket that he's wearing, that jacket I love so much, and move up, feeling that hard chest, those biceps, feeling that rough hand on the back of neck, pulling me in more, tasting that tongue, and hear him say, "Jazzy, you said you'd sit on my lap."

I exhale, feeling us moving I think, bring my legs over, moving my butt over that lap, feeling my shoes stepping onto the bench, and start moving over that cock, not remembering anything. And I feel that hand leave my neck, feel both his hands inside my sweater, going under my shirt, up my back, under my bra strap, I think.

I kiss him, bringing my hands up around that neck, wanting to feel him, wanting to touch him, wanting to hear him say my nickname, wanting to hear that warm brain talk about everything, the good, the bad, everything about this world, because he doesn't lie, and because I don't lie to him, and I just don't lie, kissing those soft lips, I say, "I just saw Cairo."

I feel him kiss me hard, feeling that pull on my bra strap, I think, trying to remember to not move over that cock too much because we're not at home, and hear him say I belong to him.

I exhale, going down to that chin, that neck, kissing it, hearing that groan I get to hear when I kiss his neck, feeling him moving his head back, biting that neck a little, feeling that cock move, and say, "I belong to you, I'm not going into any dark alleys, we're leaving after one more ride, and I'm asking my mom if I can sleep over tonight because I want to hug you tonight, so please, calm down."

I feel that exhale in his chest, bringing my hands back down to those biceps, kissing that neck. And, feeling him moving down a little I hear that monotone voice say, quietly, "Is it possible that I'm selfish and inhumane because I'd rather not have any of them here, him, those fucken idiots down there that were looking at you, any of those fucken pieces of shit that ever said anything to you, lied to you about what you were, what we are, the fact that I feel they shouldn't be on this fucken continent, possibly this planet, all of them, because they don't know you, they don't know us, will never know us, our community, how it really is, how much lost potential there is because of how we're forced to live with that carrot hanging, that university, that job, that career, that position in the white house, when we still have to play their fucken game, in this system they set up for us to fail, where they think we want what they offer, what they think we would be satisfied with, things, possessions, people they would be satisfied with, when we want more, more potential, precisely more of exactly whatever the hell it is we want, which in many cases is not remotely close to what they're offering. In many damn cases what we want, what we would be content with, happy with, is what they want to take from us, what gives us drive, a reason to get up again after all those failed missions, the ones where I could've done more, waking up to that sound downstairs, that sound that I only realized recently is the reason I would get up and do it all over again, that hope that the world was better than I see it, that unrealistic hope, the one they, myself, disgusting pieces of shit weren't able to destroy, that hope that sees the world with a sense of pureness and peace, that hope that still struggles to come naturally from me, that hope they want to take from me, that hope I have to watch them look at, stare at, knowing they're thinking you shouldn't be with me because you look white enough to them when you're not just that, when you belong to me? Is it selfish or inhumane to not want those fucken idiots on the same planet with that hope, wanting to have you to myself, focused on the work, the work we're doing right now? Is it selfish to a degree that's not normal, even if I don't care about being normal, to think like this, all of it, to 'feel' all of this, this 'feeling' of jealousy even if I know you're not their friend, they don't even know your name, and still I don't want them looking at you like that? Is it selfish of me to want you like this, at this age, regardless of how old I do feel even right now, how old I've always felt, to 'feel' this much, this jealous when fucken idiots look at you here or anywhere?"

I move back up to that face, see those eyes come down, looking at me, move in, kiss that cheek, bringing my hands up to hug those shoulders, kissing that face, and say, "You just kind of, almost, described how I feel when girls look at you, when they don't know you, they don't know how your mind, your warm brain works, how much of a good person you are, how you're gonna change the world, that system, with Riley and Caes and Hiro and my sister and everyone, how you need to focus on things that matter, like all those schools you're gonna get accepted to, the ones I think want you now because of everything you are, how much I wanna help you get there, how happy I am that you and Caes let Mimi and me help with making sure kids get things they need for school, and those girls that look at you don't know any of that. They don't know anything about you, just that your beautiful, but they don't know you don't look at them maybe because you don't see girls or color, you just see people I think, people that want to help our community or people of color or people that are poor or just anyone that needs help, and that's how you are Huey, you see people, you see inside of people, and those girls don't know that, they don't know how special you are, and I get jealous, so jealous, and a little insecure that one day, one day, you'll see you can have anyone Huey, be with anyone because it's you, because of everything you are, and," and kissing that chin, I feel that body move down more, and feel those lips kiss me.

I exhale, remembering this is one of my favorite parts of us being together, kissing him, feeling those kisses on my cheek, my eyes, my forehead, and hear him say, "That Jazmine head must be crazy to ever think, after all I've seen, there's anything better than you, and tonight, after one more ride, as soon as we get home, I want us to make love."

And I feel that jerky feeling, inhale, open my eyes, see those eyes looking at me, that dark burgundy shining from those lights next to us, the ones lighting the ground I think, and say, "Okay, and I want to remind you who you belong to, and no matter how many girls ever look at you I'm gonna keep reminding you."

And I see him move in, feel him kiss me, kissing him back, telling him I love, and feel that jerk.

I inhale, open my eyes, hear that door open, and hear that nice employee say, "Señor y señorita lo siento pero termina aquí."

I feel my smile and see him exhale. I look over at that employee, smile at him, and say, "Si señor. Gracias."

I see him smile back, see him move out of the way, and I move over that lap I'm sitting on. I step out of the cabin and I instantly look over at my sister.

I see her nod at me from the exit, exhale, and feel that hand grab my hand.

We start walking to the exit, get to them, and hear that monotone voice say, "Let's go get them, one more, and we leave."

I hear them all agree and we start walking back to where we left Hiroko, Ed, and Rummy, and inhale looking around, seeing faces I know for sure. Darn it.

I exhale, feeling that hand squeeze my hand, and keep walking, looking up at that table, seeing my friends all standing closer to their boyfriends now.

We finally get to them, see Hiroko's small smile, and she says, "My little sister already told me, we decided on the last one where we can all hang out, and then we'll go home and maybe decide on the rest of the week tomorrow okay?"

I exhale and nod, feeling my small smile.

Black Jesus, please get us out of here all safely. Please.

* * *

My friends.

I exhale, rolling my eyes at them being so cute.

And I can't help giggling.

I walk in, seeing those two braids I love disappear, feeling my smile, and start walking.

I exhale, looking around at all those Jazmines, happy my hair's up and out of the way. And, it's still up in my two buns with no baby hairs sticking out.

And I can't help giggling more thinking how cute it was that Tamera wanted us to put her hair in those two little buns and Tia wanted two long braids. And I love that it's actually the opposite with them, that Tamera has that long pretty straight hair like my sister and Tia has that thicker pretty afro, for sure softer than my hair, and Tamera wanted my hairstyle and Tia wanted my sister's two long braids.

I start laughing, remembering Tamera and Tia not wanting to let go of Huey and Riley when they were putting them in the car, only letting go when my sister and me promised we'd see them in a few weeks and we'd take them somewhere fun, remembering those cute tired smiles, those red marks on their cheeks from falling asleep on Huey and Riley's shoulders, feeling those walls, seeing me, happy the red on my cheeks is gone after walking over here from the table, after all those kisses he let me give him on the Ferris wheel. My warm brain.

And I hear that.

I stop, feeling my eyebrow rise, look behind me, knowing the employee said they were only letting us each in every two minutes to make sure we didn't bump into the person in front of us. And they all went in already saying they wanted to 'make sure it looked safe' with the guys going in first and then each one of us girls. And I saw my sister all the way up there, I think almost done going through, before her two long braids disappeared, and there shouldn't be anyone behind me because I think there wasn't anyone in line behind us since most people here I think are trying to get on the big fast rides, not this one.

I exhale, not seeing anyone, turn around, start feeling the walls again, walking, seeing my buns again, feeling my smile thinking about how much fun they had at the petting zoo, those two little buns and those two cute braids holding those baby chicks, so many awesome pictures I'm going to email Monica, and hear it, again.

I feel my lips purse thinking Black Jesus I'm just hearing things and look behind me again.

And inhale. No.

Not here.

I turn, start walking through the 'House of Mirrors' faster and hear him say my name.

I keep walking and stop. Ouch!

Darn it. That hurt.

I rub my forehead after walking into that mirror, feeling around for the way out, and see him in those mirrors.

I exhale, keep feeling around, walking around the mirrors, trying to find the way out, and hear him say, "Jazmine, just let me talk to your ass, I mean, let me talk to you."

I inhale, feeling my way through, and stop. Darn it. Another wall.

I turn, keep walking, and hear him say, "Look Jazmine, just know, know, I wouldn't hurt your ass, I just wouldn't fucken hurt you."

I inhale, feeling, and stop, seeing him again, those dark brown eyes, those earrings, that fade, longer than when he moved here I think, not noticing until right now, I think because I'm looking straight at him or his reflection, that he got a haircut since that day but it looks like he kept his hair longer this time, since that day, that day when he grabbed me again.

I exhale, moving over that reflection, looking around, trying to find the way out, feeling those mirrors, and hear him say, "Jazmine, I love you, why the fuck I'd hurt you?"

I inhale, feeling those walls, walking, trying to get around them, and hear him say, "I was gonna move my hand up, I was, I wouldn't," and I say, "Like when you grabbed me a few weeks ago, you weren't gonna do that either right?"

I hear him exhale, trying to not look at him, just wanting to find my way out, remembering those two long braids by these mirrors, I think. And I feel that wall, looking up at my reflection. No. Where's the way out?

I exhale, trying to relax, and see his reflection step in front or behind me. I don't know. He's just there in the mirror.

I inhale, start moving down the mirror, and hear him say, "Jazzy look at me," into my ear.

I inhale, move up onto that mirror, turning around, and see him, standing there.

I exhale and say, "You get near me I'll hit you Cairo, I will."

I see him exhale and he says, "Why can't I just get close and shit? Just close, just 'nough you trust me, talk to me 'bout whatever the fuck you wanna talk 'bout, be friends, then I 'on't know, we'll see after that?"

I exhale, moving over those mirrors, and inhale, seeing his hand come up next to my ear, leaning his hand on the mirror, not letting me pass.

And I smell it.

I exhale and say, "Cairo, are you high?"

I see him blink, see his eyes look okay, clear I think, confusing me, see him exhale, and he says, "Nah. Came from a party where they were smoking but I stop doing that shit while ago, and I know, I know you don't like way it smells."

I feel my eyebrow rise, exhale, remembering I did say that, I think, when we were talking about drugs and how they can affect people, communities, in Ms. Reed's class, and say, "Okay, you're right, I don't like that smell, now can you move your hand so I can go because my friends and my boyfriend," and I see him inhale looking at me like that again, seeing him come close to my face, too close, feeling my eyes open.

I move back, onto that hard wall or mirror behind me, see him exhale, not smelling it in his breath, just his clothes, looking at me, tiling his head I think, and he says, "Jazmine, look, just don't talk 'bout that. Let's talk 'bout you, me, us being alright, even if I know I ain't good with doing that shit with girls, just like I ain't good with a lot of shit, but I stopped, stopped talking to those fools, I did, haven't talked to them, even if they still be calling, ain't smoking no more to, just drink here and there, but ain't doing nothing too bad, and I just want you to."

I see him stop, feeling my eyes going over to his arm, trying to see if I can move under it, and see it, that face, too close, feeling my hand come up, and hear that sound.

I see those dark brown eyes look at me, inhale, feeling it in my hand, feeling bad, because I've never done that. I've punched girls, I've punched guys, for sure the guys when they're training us. I've slapped jerks, slapped girls, but I've never slapped someone that wasn't a total jerk, that was maybe trying to kind of be my friend for a little, I've never slapped someone I didn't really want to slap, feeling that pain in my hand after slapping someone that I thought was trying to be my friend, feeling bad because he was supposed to be my friend.

I inhale and say it, feeling so bad, "I'm so sorry Cairo, you were supposed to be my friend and you got too close and you're not my friend and I thought you were gonna do something because you're not my friend and I didn't want to because you used to be my friend but you're not and you're mean but I didn't wanna do that and," and I hear that voice say my name, that voice.

I look up, feeling myself breathe a little, and say, "Huey I'm coming it's just," and I feel that hand, that hand I don't know that smells like weed and men's cologne, that hand that's covering my mouth.

And I grab his hand, moving it off, trying to, feeling my eyes open, and feel him push me back against the wall. I start trying to tell him to let me go with that hand over my mouth, pulling with both my hands down on his hand, feeling that hand on my waist pushing me into the wall, remembering, even though the space is really small, not big enough for my legs to move up, as I bring my right hand down, into my opposite side, making into a fist, and swing out into his side.

I hear him inhale, not letting go, and swing again, hearing that voice calling me.

And I swing again, feeling him move his hand a little, and say, "Cairo, let me," and feel him push me back again.

I swing again, see him look at me, almost like he's hurt, and see him, I think, look at his hand that's covering my mouth, as I swing into his side again. And I see him inhale, I think feeling that hit, but instead of letting go I see him focus on his hand, confusing me.

And I swing my hand out again, hearing him inhale, hearing that voice calling my name, see him inhale, and see him come down to me, to my face, feeling even more confused, until I feel that hand moving away from my mouth.

Oh Black Jesus.

And I see it in slow motion, that hand grab his neck, feeling my eyes open, and see that neck moving to the left, far left, with that hand holding it, going through those mirrors, opening them up, into the dark.

I run through that opening, see that afro, moving around him, and see that mocha colored hand around Cairo's neck, against that dark wall that's part of the building covering this 'House of Mirrors.'

I exhale, putting my hand on that arm, remembering another time with another guy, a really creepy guy that was taking pictures of me, that luckily hasn't come back to school, but Cairo's not him, he's just, he's just.

I exhale, squeezing that arm, seeing him exhale, hearing Cairo trying to breathe I think, see that look in those burgundies, that look kind of mixed between that really mad look and that scared look looking at Cairo, and say, "Huey, it's Cairo, who's not my friend, I know that, and who doesn't know me, so let him go because I slapped him really hard and he knows I'll always defend myself, specially when we're outside and I can swing my legs right into his stomach, and you're not gonna hurt him and have this get back to the shelter where Tam Tam and TT need you, and we still need to go home to remind each other."

And I hear Cairo curse at Huey, saying something not true, see that look on that face, that hurt look, and say, "Huey, I know you, that's not true, you deserve me and more, so much more, and you trust me more today right, so let him go and let's go home, please bestie, please."

And I hear that inhale behind me, hearing him breathing, moving into that body, into that jacket, hugging him. And I hear Cairo say it again, that thing that's not true when it's Huey and he deserves everything good in this world, hearing that inhale in that chest, and look over at that door, pulling him.

I feel him moving with me towards that emergency exit door, hear Cairo say my name, pull that hard torso, feeling him shaking, pull, and tell him to trust me because I love him.

I see that mocha colored hand push the door open, see the lights and the back of the ride next to this ride, and exhale, walking down the staircase.

We get to the ground and I turn to that chest, kiss it, thanking my bestie, my boyfriend, my warm brain over and over, feeling us walking, hearing our friends' voices getting closer, running to us, I think, our friends who sound like their okay and safe.

Thank you Black Jesus.

* * *

I could send the body back to Chicago.

I see her smile at her friends, exhale, and hear him say, "Still say we do it at Lone man's hill."

I feel my eyebrow rise, seeing them talking about work, the different jobs they all have, volunteering at nursing homes, afterschool daycare centers, school programs with Ms. Lola, college libraries, all of them. And she thinks there's something better than what's in this house, better than what she is, out there, anywhere, when I've seen enough, I've seen damn enough, know she's still too unrealistic with her expectations of this world, the people that inhabit it, those fucken pieces of shit.

I exhale and say, "We need wolves."

And I hear that cackling, feeling my smirk, seeing her look at me, shaking her head with that smirk on those full lips, and see her mouth, 'No bestie, have fun.'

I exhale at that unrealistic optimism thinking this is fun and hear Ed say, "Man ain't he with that female, probably got more than one shit from each other, so why can't they just live it up passing that shit back and forth?"

I feel it, that damn laughing at them being idiots, hearing their cackling, feel that damn slap on my back, feeling my eyebrows lower, and say, "Caes."

And I hear their cackling possibly get louder and hear him say, "Just reminding you brother you ain't as bad as you used to be."

I exhale, nod, looking back at that game, and say, "Did you bring your Nintendo?"

I hear their cackling and hear that voice say, "I wanna play!"

I feel my smirk, possibly my damn smile, look over at those greens, see that smile, that excitement, considering her birthday again, even if it just passed, and hear Hiroko say, "Well let's start because my vacation ends after tonight and I want to keep eating bad, which we already did at the fair, wanted to go to the mall to buy more t-shirts I can put on and run to class in, which we also did the day after the fair when we all saw we needed more t-shirts, and lastly, I still want to play more video games because we just haven't done enough of that, and really I just want to do anything but study."

I see those greens close, see her lean over hugging her sister, hearing their laughing, and hear Ed say, "You know, I got 'nough to set up your dorm with all these old ass games."

I exhale, shaking my head, hearing the laughing, and hear Hiro say, "Ed, one thing you ain't learn yet is how much she likes studying, no matter what she says, so damn much any video game our folks got her collected dust, and she only doing this right now cuz she's probably learning how fucked up school really is."

And I hear Caesar and my brother setting up the Nintendo, seeing those full lips smirking looking at them setting it up the console, and hear Lauren say, "Says my boyfriend who has nothing but B's and A's right now because he actually does do a little studying himself, is super smart, and won't admit to it."

And I see that smile turn to Lauren, see her start laughing, hearing that laugh, wanting her to sit on my lap while she does anything for rest of the night, hearing those footsteps, Lauren walking to Hiro I believe, and hear the sound of that game start.

I look over at the TV, see that character jump over the turtle, and I grab the controller, hearing those steps, feeling my exhale, feeling those hips, that warmth she is, sit down next to me.

I feel that heavy head on my shoulder and hear her say, "Are we gonna talk about the arrests they posted this weekend tonight or tomorrow bestie because," and go down, turning to her, and kiss those lips, tasting them because it's been too long, hours.

I move back, see those greens blink, see that smile, and say, "Yes, tonight, but right now you said 'friend time.'"

I see her nod, feeling my smirk, and see her mouth, 'I love you.'

I exhale, feeling my face getting warm for no apparent reason, but possibly because we're around trusted idiot friends which makes that statement even more personal, or because I might actually like when she says it, and hear my brother tell me to start the game and ask his 'lil sis' for tea.

I exhale, see her smile over at him, and she says, "Okay, your guys' fav?"

I inhale, knowing she means our mother's tea, and hear my brother answer.

I see her nod with that smile, see her stand up, exhale at that lack of contact, remembering she'll be coming back, and look back at that game, trying to focus, starting with the first level that I've passed several times without getting hit once by those insignificant turtles, and hear Cindy curse, as usual.

I hear that voice ask her what's wrong, and hear them talking about that party, the many parties filled with hormonal drunk teenagers using alcohol and drugs as an excuse to grope each other behind the cover of music with those teenagers' asinine excuse that it's Spring Break and that's what they should be doing. I exhale. What they should be doing is anything they want as long as it's not behind peer pressure. I inhale, hearing Hiroko talk about it, already knowing enough about college campuses having had to visit several for those missions, knowing what they have, some liberty, freedom, some choice in what can be said openly without criticism, possibly some support from likeminded individuals, but even those, those likeminded individuals, the ones I talked to there, were part of that 'scene,' the 'party scene,' because most, a good portion of human beings cannot say no to peer pressure, cannot stop themselves from falling into the need to be liked, regardless of their dumbass excuses, such as the one those students gave me at the black caucus meeting I was invited to where they said they used those parties to congregate with other likeminded individuals, like club meetings, movie nights for the black student club, black students in economics, people of color business advancement club, and Latinos in business club was not enough, because they needed those parties. I exhale. And I'm going to have to deal with that when we make it to college. At least she'll be there. And I feel my damn smirk possibly because of that last thought or because I'm done with the first level already, going on to the second.

And I hear Caesar say, "I ain't gonna lie, all that's happening there is drinking, some drugs, maybe some real shit, what you'll call coke here and we call paradise, maybe some other shit that make 'em not feel anything or makes 'em think they feel everything, and half, probably more from I remember from that last party, already fucked someone in that house and it ain't even midnight."

I exhale, getting through this level, almost naturally now, knowing I didn't succumb to these games because they weren't available to me because our parents emphasized reading, education, playing outside, even on the street, over these games, and after they died Grandad and Aunt Cookie, who were both retired, only had so much money to feed and clothe us. And, it's possible, maybe, I could give children, nieces, kids the option of having books, reading, education, a backyard to play in, and these consoles, all of it at their disposable. That Jazmine head teaching them any of those tricks to gather those hundred lives. And I feel my damn smile because I'm getting to the end of this level, not because I'm thinking about that last thought.

And I hear Ed say, "C-Murder if you talking 'bout the party at the Ainsworth's then for sure there's 'least coke there."

I feel my eyebrow rise knowing the Wunclers not only have an absurd amount of money but an absurd amount of gossip on the upper class of Woodcrest and hear Lauren say, "Wait, how do you know that Ed?"

I hear the cackling, jumping over those pointless turtles that I possibly, maybe would've enjoyed jumping over when I was younger, and hear Ed say, "You ain't gonna tell me that my girl hasn't told you 'bout how I know where those stupid ass kids that live down the street from my granddaddy's house get their supply for those parties?"

I exhale, hearing the sound of the teakettle, knowing she's almost done, and hear Lauren say, "Well, um, yes we do talk a lot, or at least when she's not busy studying or working, but kind of talk more about us, things about us, not about you guys only because that's kind of stuff that we all think should stay you know, in between couples, so I know about my sister, not about you a lot, only what you say. And I mean, I think Jazzy and my sister were the ones that said that that's how it should be, where we only know stuff we have to know about you guys, and Cin bear and Mimi's said it makes sense because we're sure you guys don't talk about us with each other and we just wanna, um, respect you guys."

I feel my eyebrow rise, hearing the groaning, smelling that smell, the one that not only reminds me of our mother on these nights, nights in general, whatever nights she's here and wants to have that tea, leaving the room without saying anything and coming back a few minutes later with that tea handing me that cup. That cup with that tea and steam coming out of it.

I put the controller down, grab that cup, see that smile, and see her turn around.

She's sleeping over tonight.

And I hear her sister say, "Hol' up. Why you'll got quiet? You be talking 'bout us? Like to each other? How much?"

I take that drink, inhale that smell, and hear Cindy continue, "Riles why you taking that drink like you trying to look busy and can't answer? Just answer how much you guys be talking about us cuz that's hella cute?"

I hear my brother and friends groaning, putting that cup on the coffee table, grab the controller, hearing the laughing from my friends' girlfriends, and hear a voice say, "We talk some."

I hear that laughing, getting to the end of this level, and hear Lauren say, "Aww babe that's cute you guys talk about us, but how much? And what do you talk about, like going on group dates next week or like future stuff, like barbecues next month?"

And I hear those groans persists, hearing the laughing from Jazmine and their girlfriends, knowing we've talked about further than that, and hear my brother say, "You'll wanna finish talkin' 'bout that dumbass party?"

I shake my head, knowing changing the subject is one clear sign of not wanting to answer the question because of embarrassment or guilt, and hear my friends thanking that Jazmine head for replacing their drinks.

And I hear Cindy, possibly saving my brother from further embarrassment as they've possibly done for each other for years, say, "Yeah, so text only says that, that there was some fight, someone on the football team and someone I think on the wrestling team, that's why Selene texted," and I hear the sound of a phone and hear her curse again.

I hear that voice again ask her what's wrong, press pause on the game, and look over at her, seeing her handing that cup to Hiroko, with those pursed lips, that worried look looking at her sister, and hear Cindy say, "Shit. Sis you wanna check on Lena girl? Sam just texted to saying that guy on football team was Phil."

I see her inhale, see her put that cup on the table, grab her phone, and see those eyes focus on her phone with that worried look on that soft face.

I stand up, walk up to her, and see her put that phone next to her ear.

I see those small shoulders, standing behind her, remembering I get to ask for things today, things that only she can give, and she lets me, as I put my hands on those shoulders, trying to not think of how creamy they look when they're bare, holding them, feeling her exhale, and hear her say, "Lena, is Phil okay because we just got a text," and I hear her stop and hear the rest coming through that phone.

I exhale, hearing it, and hear her say, "Okay, okay, you need to calm down. Breathe. Okay, okay, yes it's Phil he'll be okay. So you're home. Good. Just take care of him and if you need stuff from the store, bandages or anything we have a lot of that stuff at my house. Good. Yeah, it sounds like he's okay so just give him water, maybe make him some food, make him eat, watch him for a little, and then tell him to go to sleep. Yeah. No don't worry. Of course Lena. Yeah. Just stay with him but remember to text your sister. Yeah I know you won't remember so text her right now. Yeah my sister told me and she was worried to, we all are. Of course. You welcome. Yeah. Remember to call me if you need anything. Okay. Night."

I see her put down that phone, feel that body move into me, letting me hug her, and hear that voice say, "Yeah, it was Phil. I guess him and Lena went with the team and a guy that's bothered her before was there, he was drinking, started trying to talk to Lena, and then there was a fight between that guy and Phil."

I feel her exhale, squeezing what's mine, what cares too much about all her friends, and hear my brother say, "Phil beat the shit outta him or he lose?"

I exhale and hear Caesar say, "Damn Riley. Man first question should be is Phil alright and then you can ask," and hear Cindy cut him off with, "Gots it. Have the video, posted already, and Phil fucked him up."

I feel that possibly longer exhale from her, feeling those small hands grab my arms, and hear her say, "Sissy it's not good for you to watch those videos, remember, they kind of, make you turn back into C-Murder from my cuddly sister."

I exhale, shaking my head at her way of trying to make her sister less violent, see Cindy smile at her, and she says, "But sis video's bomb. He fucked him up. Think that guy even on the pole vaulting team, shit, with wrestling, so you know he strong, and Phil still," and I hear my brother say, "How you know so much 'bout that nigga?"

I feel my eyebrow rise at my brother's choice of words, see Cindy look over my brother, possibly smirk at him, and she says, "Cuz teams just got picked Riles, had to read through 'em to know if any of the new girls on the basketball team are in other teams and it won't fuck up practicing with them, and coach always says we should know if there's new blood out there we gotta bring into the teams, specially now that I lit a fire under coach's ass 'bout why ain't 'nough color on the team, one of the reasons they let me recruit some of the girls I know ball but didn't try out last year, cuz they think they won't get on the team just cuz they're black, you know this Riles, that's why I know whose on what team, cuz it ain't official and really I ain't want it to be official but the girls all treat me like team captain and I gotta know this shit for them, so they can recruit, know to stop other people on teams from doing stupid shit, like getting in fights with the football team when they've been drinking or doing whatever the fuck they're doing at that party, and that's why Sam even cared, cuz Phil and that guy getting in any fight affects the teams, affects new blood that could go from the football or wrestling team to the basketball teams, and we gotta know this. You know this Riles, all of this, so don't be jealous just cuz I know who that guy is cuz I'm with you, a'ight?"

I hear that giggle under me, squeezing her into me, hear that exhale from my brother, and hear him say, "You sleeping over tonight, a'ight."

I hear that laughing, see Cindy's eyebrow rise, and she says, "Damn, can I ask my mama first?"

I hear the laughing turning into cackling, feel that body turning into me, feeling my exhale, and hear my brother say, "No."

I hear her laughing into me, look down, feeling my smirk, seeing her, laughing like that after being as worried as she was four minutes ago, hearing our friends all laughing, possibly relieved to some degree, and hear Cindy say, "Possessive, damn."

I feel those arms coming around me, hugging me, hearing myself possibly laughing with them, possibly, feeling that soft face moving over my chest, and hear the doorbell.

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at him, see him shake his head, exhale, confirming they haven't ordered anything, and say, "Stay here."

I feel her hold me tighter, look down at those greens, see that focused look, those pursed lips, and she says, "Bestie what's wrong?"

I see that look where she's no longer laughing, knowing I want that to continue but I need to keep her along with the rest of this house safe, knowing how stubborn she is and she might not let go unless I tell her.

I exhale and say, "There have been no activities on his credits cards for several days, both houses are secure with the alarms on and the only way to get passed them is through the front door, furthermore there should be no one here this late at night seeing as no one's placed another order, so stay here and take care of them."

I see that fear cross that face for a second, too long, the one she tries to hide to not worry anyone, see that small smile, and she says, "Okay bestie but make sure to look through the peep hole first."

I exhale, remembering that's a new set up on the door, nod, feeling her letting go, and feel her hesitate. I see those eyes, that fear come back to that face, trying to hide it still, see her look down feeling her kiss my chest, and feel her let go, even if I selfishly don't want to her to, but remember what needs to be done.

I inhale turning to the door, hearing the doorbell again, hearing my brother, friends, all walking to the door with me, get to it, and look through that hole.

I feel my eyebrow rise, look back at my brother and say, "You didn't order any?"

I see him exhale and he says, "Damn McHater, I'd 'member if I did."

I turn back to the door, open it, see him smirk, and he says, "Paid for by their mom and she gave me a good ass tip so don't give me any."

I hear my friends possibly say how much they like Sarah, see Caesar grab those boxes, and hear them all walking back to the living with, hearing Rummy possibly say something about needing a woman like Sarah to take care of him.

I look back at that delivery guy, nod, and say, "Thank you and."

I exhale, remembering, and say, "Also for what you did last time, thank you for staying there. I'm aware you didn't have to."

I see him nod and he says, "No problem and, I don't know, I remember I was pretty stupid with you'll that first time, so maybe I'm trying to make it right, and it is cuz of you'll adding to deliveries in this area that it got on the list of areas to deliver again, got a chance to pick it for me to deliver, and now I don't gotta delivery twenty boxes to those parties where you can't ever find the person who ordered and when you do they barely pay, don't even care 'bout giving a tip, most times too wasted to even care that they didn't even give a dollar for tip, and worse part is how they look at you, like you're trash cuz you work at a pizza store and they live there, standing in those fucken mansions waiting to get paid, seeing people walking outta rooms where you know they're wasted doing that shit, feeling bad for those girls sometimes 'til they look at me like I'm trash to, like they'd never even think 'bout seeing me, not like you'll girls look at me, like I'm just a guy that works where I work and it don't matter and they don't care, they're still cool, nice, and now cuz I get to deliver over here and Damien gotta deliver to those houses I don't deal with that shit. So thanks."

I exhale, knowing those people in those neighborhoods don't only like to remind us we're black but also like reminding others they're poor. I nod, see him nod back, and see him turn around.

I close the door, feel those long arms going up around my torso, feel that kiss on my back, and hear her say, "My sister texted mom about the pizza and mom also said we can sleep over but I haven't asked you if you want me to," and I answer, "Yes."

I hear that giggle, feeling my smirk looking down at those hands over my stomach, hearing the laughing and talking coming from our friends in the living room, and hear her say, "Come on bestie, friend time."

I nod, knowing she is sleeping over tonight on this weekend before having to return to that damn institution, remembering to focus on what's in front of me, and say, "Fine, let's go and deal with 'friend time' for maybe another hour and I'm hugging you tonight."

I feel her hug me tighter and hear her say, "Okay bestie."

* * *

I feel those arms, that warmth covering my back, moving into it, wanting more of it, more of the smell of that soap mixed with that oil from Morocco, feeling safe, knowing we're all safe, everyone, and there's no fear. Fear isn't part of my life anymore, violence, abuse, any of that stuff, it's not part of my life anymore. What's part of my life is lotion I love, so many lotions, color, so much color, nicknames, so many fun nicknames, and tea and kisses and hugs, and arms that hug me, that make me feel so safe, arms I'm hugging back that I'm going to make sure I always do anything I can to try to make happy and hopefully, make them feel safe one day to, make those arms feel safe one day, like that vibration.

Vibration?

And I hear it again. That vibration.

I open my eyes, see the screen on my phone is on, and it's vibrating. A text I think.

I feel those arms hug me tighter, feeling my small smile, closing my eyes, and hear the vibration again.

What?

Why?

My mom would call, my sister to, everyone would call if it was something important, and my sister's upstairs and my mom's at the house. Everyone went home or with their boyfriend.

And I hear it again. That vibration.

I open my eyes, exhale, move up, and feel those arms.

I feel my smile, remembering my trick when this happens. I put my hand on top of his hand that's on my shoulder, feel him hold my hand, and I bring it over me, really slowly. I do the same with his other hand that's on my other shoulder, really slowly, put it down on the bed, sit up, and look back at him. And I feel it, just like last time, feeling my heart melt. And how does he always look so cute when he sleeps like that, with that smooth forehead, those open lips, breathing like that? How does he always sleep like that, looking so relaxed when he thinks so much all day? Does he always sleep like that or is it just sometimes? And I hear that vibration again. Another text?

I look back at my phone, scoot over to that little drawer, grab my phone, and bring it up to my face, squinting from how bright it is, and see a phone number I don't know.

I open my phone to my text messages and feel my eyebrow rise, seeing two texts from that phone number.

_Unknown number: Jazmine this your number_

_Unknown number: Jazmine tell me_

I exhale, not knowing that phone number. And they sounded kind of rude. Hmm. What do I do? And I hear that breathing behind me, feeling my smile remembering something he says, that it's best people never know just how strong or capable you are. I think I'll do that with texts from phone numbers I don't know because for sure all my friends have my phone number, their phone numbers are all saved in my phone, even some of their parents' phone numbers, and I think my friends would say who it is and not text me like that from a new phone number.

I go to that number, block it, and close my phone.

And I look back at him, see him taking those long exhales and inhales I was hearing right now, and remember he only said he wanted to hug me going to sleep. I feel my smile, crawl back into that body, laying back down, putting the covers over us again, putting my face in that hard chest, feeling those arms coming around my back, and hear that monotone voice say, "I love you Jazzy. Stay."

I inhale, hugging that that torso, and say, "Remember I love you Huey, my best friend, you have my feelings, and I'm gonna always be loyal, so we're stuck with each other, and I want you to stay."

I feel that exhale from that torso, kiss that chest, feeling so happy, and feel those arms hug me tighter I think, hoping Huey speaks in actions even when he sleeps, and close my eyes to smell him and go back to sleep. We can talk about those texts, the ways Huey and Caesar are trying to help those families whose older brothers and uncles got arrested, the shelter, Ms. Lola, new jobs where my friends get to take care of little kids, Tamera and Tia, more group dates we're planning, how cute, overprotective, and possessive or what I think was Riley being jealous, all the guys can be, tomorrow. Yeah, we can talk about all of that tomorrow when we hang out and train.

* * *

That energy. That energy I woke up to, using the need to go to the restroom as some excuse to get up and look for it. That energy. Outside, in that car, that fucken car, looking through her window. Disgusting piece of shit. Tom.

I inhale, open my eyes, holding her, where she's safe, or at the very least where I'll kill someone if they try to get near her, and exhale, feeling that arm over my torso, hearing her breathing, smelling that hair that's under my chin, felling how she feels, natural, good, like there's some good in this world if only I trust her, feeling her, and feel it.

Fuck. Is he here? Can I kill him now? Grandad said he would allow me to and I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I at least beat him until he's near death.

I move from under that long arm, even though I don't necessary want to, slowly, looking down at that face, seeing I didn't disturb her sleep, and move off the bed.

I get up, exhale, feeling it linger, that energy linger like that itch I never scratched, the one of that 'nothing' incident that got shipped to Florida and has yet to get eaten by alligators, that incident where she was attacked the first time at school in that way, at that institution I was supposed to protect her, walking over to the window, doing what I can to protect her now.

I get to the window and pull the curtains, feeling some relief, some regret, not seeing a car out there.

I inhale, feeling it stronger here, by the window, outside possibly? No. The alarm system I possibly tweaked, enhanced, in both houses after Sarah asked last month and I turned on to the 'high alert' setting before we all laid down would have detected movement outside of two feet from the window, setting off the alarms. In the house then, somehow. I start walking to the door, and stop, feeling it. That heat, that, I shake my head from frivolous thoughts of faith, religious practices I do not believe in, an African man once saying anything about me having extra sensitive abilities to detect energy. I research, investigate, train, take action, fall, get up, do it all over again, the reason I found certain objects, the reason my eye has twitched when I have found those objects, parts that shouldn't have been where I found them, because I worked my mind and body to find those objects, it was work and not some magical belief, ideas, of inhuman abilities. And there it is. Fuck.

Where?

And I move, feeling it, towards it. The drawer? No. It's just a damn drawer that I built, nothing special, nothing like her, like that pink phone that belongs to her. That phone. I inhale, feeling it.

I pick up that phone, open it with my thumb, remembering her grabbing my thumbs and fingers and putting them over her phone to imprint my fingers into it saying she wanted me to have access to her phone even though I told that Jazmine head I would always remember her password. I feel my smirk thinking about that password. A combination of us. Our birthdays. A day we didn't get to choose, were given names someone else picked for us, and I'm fine with that today, going through those pictures she took today, remembering I need to transfer them to her laptop to delete them from her phone, and exhale, not seeing anything, but feeling it, closing her pictures, and opening her last call.

I exhale, knowing I shouldn't pry too much, even if I couldn't care less if she looks through my phone extensively, and decide I must be tired. I must be tired to be feeling this and going through her phone. But I don't feel tired, I feel relaxed, possibly content, happy with everything we did this week, feeling my smile in the dark of this room, and exhale, trying to relax thinking of the only incident that she did not have to go through, that fucken idiot, knowing she was taking too damn long, half a minute too long in that ride or rather maze, opening her text messages to scroll through them quickly, and I inhale. That fucken piece of worthless shit idiot. I'm going to kill him. I will. Or at the very least, leave him near death, if he's lucky. Very, very fucken lucky.

And I feel those arms going around my torso, feel that heavy head on my back, and hear that voice ask me why I'm up.

I exhale and say, "Damn it Jazmine, why didn't you wake me to tell me?"

I inhale, knowing I could've said that differently, much differently, but I'm still not good with words, especially at moments like this one, even if it's her vacation and she doesn't need me to lash out or be rough with her, because right now what I wanted to say is I don't want this because she belongs to me and couldn't care less why she didn't wake me I just wanted her to wake me. Damn it to hell.

I swallow, knowing this is who I am, still, even after being together for close to a year, and hear her say, "Yeah I'm sorry, you looked really tired and I didn't wanna wake you up. I blocked that number, whoever it is, because I know it's none of our friends, so don't worry about it okay, just come to bed and let me hug you."

I exhale, putting that phone down, and turn around, feeling those arms let go of me.

I inhale, seeing those eyes blink at me, looking at me with that trust, that small smile, and go down and kiss her.

I feel those arms hug me, put my arms around those small shoulders, that smooth creamy back she's letting me feel tonight with those two strings over her shoulders, kissing that face, exhale, wanting her to stay over again, but knowing I need to focus on right now, and say, "I'll take care of it, go to sleep."

I feel that face move back, open my eyes to berate her because I wasn't necessarily done kissing her, see that focused look, and hear her say, "Take care of what bestie? I told you, I already blocked that number and why does it matter so much?"

I exhale, knowing she doesn't know, not knowing if I want to tell her just yet, and see those eyes blink.

I see her exhale, after giving me the time she thinks I possibly need to decide, feel those arms leaving me, inhale, not wanting her to go, but I want her to have a vacation and not deal with this when I can, and exhale, feeling those hands going up my chest, to my shoulders, and then around my neck.

I bring my hands down to that waist, putting my hands around it, see her exhale with that moonlight making that green shine just enough, and she says, "Bestie, Huey, please, remember we don't keep things from each other, not anymore, and I'm always gonna give you time with the other stuff, the important stuff, like your parents, your family, that other family in Chicago, the jobs you had that were really dangerous, all of that that you're still telling me about and I wanna know everything about, but talk to me about this, a phone number I don't know that I blocked and was going to tell you about when we woke up because it wasn't important enough to wake you up to tell you. Tell me about this. Tell me about these things and that way we can figure them out together and I promise things will work out always because Black Jesus is watching, has always been watching, and I know that because I'm so happy now and I'm gonna keep doing anything I can to try to make you happy, but first, you're telling me what you're taking care of and why this matters so much."

I exhale, possibly knowing what actually matters or what's true or just giving in, and say, "When I was helping Caes with that problem, the one where I blocked several phone numbers so his ex-girlfriend could no longer call him from those phone numbers or locations, I just happen to read through those phone numbers enough times I memorized a few, including that fucken idiot's that."

I inhale, see those eyes blink, and see her come up, feeling those kisses on my chin.

I exhale and hear her say, "Please continue."

I put my hands under that soft shirt, knowing I want, need that contact at least right now, closing my eyes, feeling that back, that spine going up that back, those kisses on my chin, and say, "I happen to memorize that fucken idiot's phone number that was at the fair."

I hear that inhale, feeling those breasts press up against me, knowing we didn't do anything tonight because we both need to rest, and because I possibly wanted to maybe 'cuddle' instead, feeling myself getting hard already, and hear her say his name, his piece of shit worthless name.

I open my eyes grabbing that waist and go down to those lips, kissing her. I taste that tongue, inhaling that smell, that scent she is, and feel those hands, those nails going into my hair. I kiss that soft face, that chin, that neck, marking her, hearing her moan some, not enough, and say, "Say my name."

I hear that inhale, biting harder on that neck, knowing she belongs to me, and hear her say it like that. I bring my hand down to those shorts, that waistband, hearing her say it again, and say, "Again," hearing her say it again, putting my finger inside those warm folds, feeling how hard I am, not caring as long as I hear her say it, telling her to say it again, and again, not his, mine, because Jazzy you belong to me. And I hear her curse to put on a condom now.

* * *

I exhale into that neck, smelling it again, and feel that hand squeeze me.

I lay back down onto that chest and say, "I love you."

I feel that squeeze again and say, "And even though I liked it, all of it, I don't ever want you to feel like that, like you did when I said his name, because I will always like yours more, and because you're Huey, okay?"

I feel that exhale in that chest, feeling that hand on my thigh, his cock by my leg, feeling it not hard but feeling it, thinking about just how guys' bodies work and just how hard cocks can get, how much I like it, or maybe I just like it when he does it. I don't know.

And I feel my smile, moving my leg up to feel him more, hearing that inhale, and hear him say, "Jazzy, we need to rest."

I giggle, moving my face over that hard chest, and say, "Huey I'm not trying to start anything, I was just moving my leg. Gosh."

I hear that exhale from that hard chest and hear him say, "Fine, then don't move that leg up higher or we're not getting much sleep, possibly less than five hours of sleep."

I roll my eyes at him being so responsible even if it's really hot sometimes and say, "Okay, we'll we need to clean up and put clothes on."

And I inhale, getting up, and feel that hand pull me back.

I feel my eyebrow rise, look up at that face, and say, "Bestie, we need to," and hear that voice, that quiet monotone voice say, "Jazzy."

I inhale, see those auburn eyes looking down at the blankets that are covering us, I think at where my leg is, wanting to memorize that color so much, and hear him say, "We shouldn't have made love with the preliminary having been those feelings I was having."

Preliminary?

I exhale. 'Pre' means before. 'Liminary' reminds me of requirement. So a pre-requirement? Those feelings he was having? When he asked me to say his name I think after I had said.

Oh.

I feel my smile, kiss that chest, feeling that squeeze on my waist, look up at him again, and say, "Bestie, are you saying we shouldn't have made love right after you got a little jealous of me saying his name?"

I see him exhale, looking down at the blanket or our legs still, and see him nod.

I move up, feeling that chest, feeling that cock move I think, see him turn to me, and kiss him.

I kiss those soft lips, go up, and kiss that nose. I move back, look at those eyes, those auburns that haven't left because we just made love, and say, "We made love and that's all that matters, not why, just that we did, because it's not just sex, it's more, it's way more, and all those feelings, those weird awkward feelings don't belong in that, even the jealous feelings, they don't belong in that, and we leave them outside of that okay, so even if you were feeling even a little jealous before it doesn't matter because when we kissed, every time we kiss, those bad feelings are left outside because all I feel is you kissing me, the trust we have because we talk about this stuff, precautions, sex, how to be safe about it, and that's what matters, that's what we bring to this, okay? So don't worry about that other stuff, if you're ever jealous or happy or just the best Huey you are because I want all of it as long as you keep kissing me and let me keep kissing you so I can keep reminding you that you belong to me no matter how jealous I get of other girls that look at you ever, and maybe so I can remind myself a little that you do belong to me and those other girls don't matter, just like me saying another guy's name, no matter how much he doesn't matter, specially now with the way he's been he shouldn't make you jealous because I only say his name, any guy's name to talk about how they matter, like if they're my friend, or how they don't matter, like if they're not my friend, just like how Cairo," and I see that inhale, move up, and kiss that forehead, those eyebrows, that nose, that cheek, feeling him exhale.

I look back at those eyes and say, "Just like how Cairo doesn't matter, he doesn't, only you matter okay, and I won't say his name unless we're talking about keeping my friends, all of us safe, or if it has to do with Ms. Reed's class, but that's it, no other reason, so try to not get jealous because you know he doesn't matter, only you okay, and that means he also doesn't matter where I have to change my number and you're going to have to do all that work to give my new number to my friends and family by tomorrow. You're not doing that. You're not Huey because I already blocked him, he doesn't even really know if it's my phone number because I didn't respond, and I'll just block any numbers I don't know from now on okay, and he's not going to be the reason grandma has to learn another phone number, not because of Cairo, no, okay."

I feel him kiss me, closing my eyes, and put my hands on that warm neck, feeling that squeeze on my leg and my waist, tasting that tongue, feeling myself press onto that chest. And I feel that cock move, getting hard, hearing myself tell him I love him, feeling that hand leave my leg, feeling that blanket being moved, and open my eyes.

And I inhale, seeing he covered us with the bedsheet.

I see those auburns blink and he says, "I'm not done with you yet, we'll sleep after one more, and no matter how that Jazmine head thinks about the world outside of our friends, some family, these sheets, they're selfish and idiots, and will possibly keep testing us, which means you can't stop me from getting jealous, beating them, all of them, and wanting to hear you say my name over any other, now you need to move so I can put on another condom."

I feel my smile, shaking my head at how cute he's always going to be, how maybe I can't stop him completely from ever getting jealous, the 'j' word my friends and my sister and me decided to call it today, and say, "Okay bestie, but I'm putting that condom on you, then you're letting me mark your neck so on Monday those girls know who you belong to no matter how jealous they'll always make me when they look at you."

I see that smile, that smile that makes me wonder how I got so lucky, and he says, "Fine, but after that I'll have to remind you why you shouldn't be jealous of any of those girls, here, outside of here, or in that Jazmine head."

I exhale, knowing he can't stop me from being jealous either, but knowing Huey he'll try really hard.

* * *

Hi everyone,

I love this story so much. So damn much. And I loved this chapter. But, Cairo's turning into a dick, like a real dick LOL.

Alrighty, you'll let me know if you liked it. I'm also moving to the other side of the U.S. in the next few weeks so I'ma be busy but I'll still be writing on the side during this move. Thank you everyone for so much support. I love it.

Is it weird that I already have the outline for the next chapter? Nope. LOL.

-Bulma's Ego.


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